PHOTO BY BILL WITTMAN
I have a confession to make: I
haven’t been to Confession in 23
years. And it isn’t from a lack of
respect for the sacrament. It isn’t
out of pride. I’m just chicken.
My last foray into Reconciliation is
still etched in my mind: Standing outside
the confessional, I was a panicked
11-year-old—hands sweating, head
spinning, legs shaking in my gray corduroys.
The priest grew irritated quickly.
Little wonder: I could barely spit out a
sentence. The act of pleading guilty to
my crimes was just too awkward, too
daunting. So I never went back.
I’m not alone: According to a survey
conducted in February 2008 by the
Center for Applied Research in the
Apostolate (CARA), 45 percent of
Catholics do not participate in Reconciliation.
Thirty percent have gone less
than once a year; two percent participate
once a month.
Reconciliation has always been somewhat
controversial: It is a blessing for
many yet a burden for others. While
some Catholics have found comfort—and relief—from the absolution of their
sins, others feel content in confessing
directly to God.
St. Anthony Messenger wanted to know
how our readers felt about it. After asking
the question, “How do you feel
about the Sacrament of Reconciliation
and why?” in our pages and on our
we received a wide assortment
of answers, several of which are featured
I volunteered to write this article
during the planning stages of this special
issue because I wanted to gauge
the joys, fears and uncertainties that
surround this sacrament. From your
responses I learned quite a bit.
When I was in the first grade, my class
held a concert for faculty, staff and parents.
My instrument was the triangle.
Seated directly in front of me was a
good friend, Mary, who played the cymbals.
After our first song ended, the
teacher motioned for the class to be
seated. Suddenly, I saw an opportunity.
As Mary went to sit, I pulled the
chair right out from under her. And
she fell—hard. The cymbals went flying.
My punishment the following Monday
was, shall we say, multidimensional.
First, I had to ask for Mary’s
forgiveness. And though I was heartily
sorry, I was even sorrier for being asked
to leave myself open in such a vulnerable
way. Apologizing is never easy,
even when I mean it.
Perhaps the fear of confessing is what
keeps many Catholics away from the
confessional. Robert Morneau, auxiliary
bishop and vicar general of the
Diocese of Green Bay, Wisconsin, and
author of Reconciliation (Orbis Books,
2007), recently spoke to St. Anthony
Messenger in a phone interview on the
subject. He says this to Confession-scared
Catholics: “Come on in. You’ll
When discussing the weight and
value of the sacrament, Bishop
Morneau uses an analogy: “When we
become physically ill, we seek the assistance
of a doctor. Failure to seek medical care can lead to death,” he says.
“The same is true at the spiritual level.
Spiritual illness needs the healing touch
of Christ that comes to us through the
Sacrament of Reconciliation.
“Seeing a doctor for a common cold
probably isn’t essential. Seeing a doctor
for a bowel obstruction is essential. The
comparison could be applied to venial
and mortal sins.”
Although Morneau admits that the
discomfort many Catholics feel toward
this sacrament is human, he believes
Reconciliation has less to do with personal
sinfulness than with the breadth
of God’s mercy.
“When the prodigal son was on his
way home, one can sense that he was
probably extremely anxious,” Morneau
says. “How would his father react
toward the son for taking off and wasting
his inheritance and living an
immoral life? Jesus told the story so
that we might be aware of how God
reacts to someone who repents and
“Guilt and shame are parasites that eat
away at our well-being,” Morneau
writes in his book. Sin feeds the parasites.
Reconciliation, he believes, rids us
“God loves the person. God hates
the sins,” he says. “God does love us but
when we sin, we have to take responsibility
for them. If we don’t deal with
that, we get enslaved. We need to own
up to it.”
Yet many Catholics aren’t eager to
admit their wrongdoings in such an
intimate setting. Some feel that confessing
their sins directly to God—in the
privacy and comfort of their own
homes—more than suffices.
“I don’t feel comfortable with confessing
to a priest,” a reader from
Lanoka Harbor, New Jersey, writes. “I
feel much closer to God’s forgiveness by
talking and repenting directly to God
in a one-to-one, personal Confession.”
Another reader from Williamson,
Georgia, echoes that perspective. “I
don’t understand why I have to go to
Confession when God already knows
my sins and my heart. Telling a priest
about the sins I committed would not
have changed a thing.”
But Morneau feels that skipping “the
middle man,” or the priest, divides us
from our faith community and from
the grace we seek.
“We are a sacramental people. ‘The
middle man’ standing ‘between’ God
and the individual is a powerful
reminder that we are not autonomous
individuals,” he says.
“We are social beings, part of a divine
society, the Body of Christ. Sin injures,
not only God and another individual,
but the entire body, the entire community.
‘The middle man’ represents
that community and assures the individual
of God’s mercy and forgiveness.”
The purpose of Reconciliation,
Morneau asserts, is to reclaim what is
lost: peace and joy. Those
blessed intangibles are
hard to come by when
Catholics decide to go it
“What was broken is
once again made whole.
And where there is oneness,
the consequence is
peace and joy. These are
the by-products of the
oneness that Reconciliation
offers. If we are not
reconciled to God, others or ourselves,
peace and joy are impossible.”
I have another confession: I shoplifted
a big piece of candy when I was seven.
The moment I got home, I ran to my
bedroom, shut the door and shoved
the candy in my mouth. Seconds later
I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror:
The chocolate was smeared completely
across my face. In that instant,
I felt awful. Guilt ruined the chocolate.
Forgiveness from God is a given if we
are truly sorry. Self-forgiveness, however,
is another animal. Bishop
Morneau has a theory.
Vatican II calls for the actions and prayers for Penance to express more
clearly this sacrament’s nature and effects (#72).
Communal penance services (common prayers, Scripture readings
and a homily, followed by individual confession) begin. A Scripture
reading is included at the start of individual confession. When confessionals
are remodeled, penitents can confess face-to-face or behind a
Mortal sins are still confessed according to number and type, but confession
of venial sins begins to emphasize patterns rather than their exact
number. Catholics start recognizing how we may contribute to racism
and sexism. People begin to see the confessor more as an instrument of
God’s mercy and less as a judge.
In 1976 the revised rite is introduced in the United States on the First
Sunday of Lent.
“Psychologists speak often about low
self-esteem. Self-contempt and self-disgust
are illnesses that thwart the call
to a full life,” he says. “Not only is
God’s forgiveness important here, but
also the grace to forgive ourselves.
“To come to a radical acceptance
of our limitations and of our sins is a
long, hard journey. But we need the
help of others and the sacraments of
the Church—Reconciliation and Eucharist—to empower us to extend forgiveness
to ourselves, as we extend that
forgiveness to others.”
What awaits us, Morneau assures, is
“Sin thwarts life. Sin impairs our spiritual
growth. Individuals who seek
growth and fullness of life have to deal
with the ‘dark side.’ The Sacrament of
Reconciliation is one way.
“Millions of people who do not have
access to this sacrament or who do not
believe in it can still grow spiritually,
but they will have to deal with their
‘dark side’ in some way if they want
fullness of life.”
That fullness is often
shared between the penitent
and the priest. Morneau
feels his faith has become
enriched from hearing the
personal stories of Catholics
over the years.
“I have been hearing confessions
for 42 years. My
faith has been deepened as
people leave the Confession,
often in tears, but with
tremendous joy from experiencing the
liberating power of God’s mercy and
love,” Morneau says.
“Through this sacrament they have
received a whole new life. Wherever
individuals are on the spiritual journey,
all of us are attempting to have a
healthy, holy relationship with our
God. My faith has deepened and
changed as Jesus, through the sacrament,
sets so many people free.”
Many of our readers have experienced
peace through the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
Several of them shared their
experiences for this article. Here are
‘The Secret Treasure’
“The Sacrament of Reconciliation is so
sadly misunderstood and underused in
today’s world. In my life I have found
solace, comfort, counsel and deep
union with Christ in this treasure he left
“The closer I get to God, the more I
see how much I fall short in my ability
to love as God does. In coming to God
with this in Confession, the grace and
strength I receive truly empower me
on a daily basis to give without counting
“Although many times one receives
great words of encouragement, it is the
invisible—what cannot be sensed with
the eyes or ears—that is the greatest
gift of all. I call this sacrament ‘The
Secret Treasure’ because most people
have no real clue as to the depths and
heights of its power.
“The saints who went before us knew
and celebrated this sacrament often.
We should imitate their example!”
—West New York, New Jersey
Reclaiming the Sacred
“I was at a point in my life where I had
given up on God. I decided I was going
to accept my ‘halfways’ and get by
without God. Many persons in my
parish reached out to me and prayed in
the Spirit for me, but the ‘God thing’
did not really click. I decided to leave
and live without the help of a Christian
“I did, however, allow God to give
me one last tug. I went to Confession,
told the priest my plans of giving up on
God and then I left.
“A couple weeks later I started to feel
better about myself. Amazingly, I was
no longer depressed. I made contacts
with my pastor and told him I was
headed back to the prayer meetings.
“The most comical thing that happened
from this experience was me
checking out from our public library the
soundtrack for the 1953 movie St.
Francis of Assisi. I played that album
over and over. God’s Spirit was definitely
at work here.
“Me—a lover of rock and roll—listening
to sacred music!”
“One of my most positive experiences
of Reconciliation (and there have been
many) has been at St. Francis of Assisi
Church on 31st Street in Manhattan.
Reconciliation is one of their major ministries, and hundreds of people
come every week from every borough
of the city.
“In spite of their busyness, the confessors
make it a point to be attentive
and kind. It has been most helpful to
find a regular confessor at St. Francis. I
have discovered, especially in the face-to-face setting, there is a caring, concerned
listener who evaluates my
particular struggles to follow Christ.
“He provides insights and encouragement,
gently correcting what needs
to be corrected, showing great wisdom
and life experience—in short, sharing
the healing presence of Jesus.”
—The Bronx, New York
God: The Ultimate Therapist
“Reconciliation is an essential way of
expressing one’s sins. If it were used
more, there would be far less need for
therapists. I recommend that it should
be kept and expanded.”
“My feelings on the Sacrament of Reconciliation
are very new. I converted to
Catholicism last summer and I knew
one of the first things I would have to
do would be to confess my sins for the
first time as a new Catholic.
“I had the option to go in person or
behind the screen in the confessional
and I chose to go in person. I was so
nervous: I knew there was nothing I
could tell the priest that would surprise
him, but saying my sins out loud
to another person was so emotional
“It felt like a huge weight was lifted
from me, and being absolved by the
priest was so freeing. I feel it is necessary
for each Catholic to examine their
conscience before accepting the Body
and Blood of Christ.”
—Twin Falls, Idaho
The Right Road
“The sins kept building, the ones you
don’t want to confess to anyone. A
voice within me kept saying: Time is
short. Now is the time.
“I made an appointment with Father
Paul. We sat near the altar with me facing
Christ on the cross. We talked for
over an hour. I had written everything
down. Father Paul absolved me of my
sins. I gave him the paper and asked
him to dispose of it. He smiled and
had a better idea.
“We went outside and Father Paul
got an urn and placed the paper in it.
He lit it on fire and we watched the
smoke drift up toward heaven. We
stood watching as the sun was setting.
“A large advertisement sign was near
the Interstate 95 highway near where
the church was located. On it read: ‘Are
You on the Right Road?—GOD.’
“I looked at Father Paul and said,
‘Yes, I finally am.’ I finally felt the true
mercy and love of God.”
“If we are God’s children,” a Sterling,
Virginia, resident writes, “perhaps the
key word is ‘growing’ [as in growing in
a spiritual sense]. If most of you are
like me, it takes getting your nerve up
to tell a priest your sins. Sometimes I get
so stuck in the ‘I’m right, you’re wrong’
mentality that pride makes it hard to
see my actions for what they are.”
In God’s parental eyes, we are all
children: prone to misbehavior and
pride. And, like any good parent, God
forgives—even the wildly imperfect
Catholics like me who are reluctant to
confess but who know that returning to
this sacrament is essential.
Those seven words—so difficult to
say but so cathartic when said—are the
keys to true freedom: “Bless me, father,
for I have sinned.”