Whenever someone close to me dies, I can’t help but think about what life really means. Is there a purpose to being here on earth other than species survival? Do each of us really have an important role to play, or will what we do even matter in the end? What is the meaning of life?
I have no clue. Nadda, nothing, no idea. My spiritual beliefs are ever changing, and to be perfectly honest, they are not very solid. I grew up believing in a Christian God. We didn’t go to church often, but my mom made sure we knew the story of Jesus. We were taught to be good people with morals and values. I do believe in being a good person who loves and treats others with respect. But do I believe there is life after earthly death? I don’t know. I know I don’t believe in religion.
I lost my strong faith years ago near the end of my marraige. I struggled with my faith to the point of not paying attention to it at all. I felt guilty for questioning, but I could no longer believe unconditionally. I prayed for the return of my beliefs, but they never came back. At least not completely. I do still pray from time to time, but it doesn’t feel the same. There will always be a part of me that has God, but I can’t explain what that looks like. It’s more a sense than a belief now. I don’t judge others for their beliefs; in fact, I am a firm believer that people need spirituality in life: whatever that may look like.
For a time, I believed in the theory of one big energy system. We are all part of the same energy system that continually changes form. When our body dies, we simply change forms. It’s a nice thought, but it seems a bit too cosmic and lonely. In the end, I gave myself the permission to not know. There might be a God, it might be energy, it could be a million different things, but I (being just a human) do not know.
I don’t know that answer to life, and I don’t know if I ever will. If there is an after life, I hope we have the opportunity to learn what, why, how, when, where life came from and is about. But if life is simply about survival, I want to make sure I take as much time to appreciate it as possible. I want the people I love to know I love them, and I want to take the time to do things that bring joy into my life. The one think I know about life is that it is way too short, and you never know when your time is up. So live well.