\nFile this in the go-figure folder: When you're in the early, adrenaline-infused phase of a relationship, the sex is off the charts. Then as the love becomes more intense and you settle into couplehood, the nooky often cools off. "Even good sex can become routine," says Ian Kerner, PhD, author of She Comes First. "You may have an orgasm every time, but it's a little mechanical and boring because it's always by the same route." Thankfully, you don't have to sacrifice lust for love. Reviving your sex life is easy — and a hell of a lot of fun. Here, steam-it-up solutions for banishing bedroom boredom.
"We always do it at the same time." You wash your face, brush your teeth, catch Leno's monologue, then — bam! — get busy. It's as if a mental "let's do it" alarm goes off. Sound familiar? "When you always have sex at the same time, it becomes another thing you squeeze into your schedule," says Barry W. McCarthy, PhD, author of Rekindling Desire.
Steam-it-up solution: To make your passion less predictable, tap into the fact that you're not amorous only during a scheduled time slot. "Act on your erotic instincts whenever they strike, despite the fact that it might seem inconvenient at the time," advises Kerner. Does the sight of him washing his car rev your engine? Drag him indoors and jump his bones. Who cares if it's Saturday afternoon? "When you give in to your lusty urges at different times of the day, the act itself will be hotter because it's unexpected or at least unplanned," says Kerner. That's what Shannen,* 24, discovered when her randy routine became too rote. "One night, we were cooking dinner and Brad got some gravy on his face. I was feeling playful, so I licked it off," she recalls. "I decided to taste-test the rest of him, so I swiped a dab on his neck and licked it. Then I lifted his shirt and dripped some on his chest and abs. Well, one thing led to another, and before I knew it, he lifted me up onto the counter and we were going at it."
*Names have been changed.
"We're on autopilot." His hand is on your thigh, now it's on your breast, and you already know exactly where it's headed next. In fact, you could graph the coordinates of where whose fingers, limbs and mouth will be for the next 20 minutes. "When you know the most efficient way to get each other off, the tendency is to follow that same sequence every time," says Jane Seddon, author of Daily Sex. But when sex lacks variety, things can fizzle fast.
Steam-it-up solution: One way to figure out fresh ways to push each other's hot button is to take turns being the giver and the receiver. "By forgetting yourself and homing in on his pleasure, then switching, you can discover new erogenous zones," says Kerner. So tell your guy that tonight is all about him. Give him a massage to clue in to untapped erotic territory, like his ears, feet and nipples. Focus on his reactions — i.e., moans, grunts and a rapid-fire heartbeat — so you'll know what drives him wild, and concentrate on those areas. Later (or even the next night), pull a role reversal.
Another way to crank up the excitement: Play with different positions. "Varying poses requires more involvement from both partners because you have to concentrate on what you're doing," says McCarthy. "You can't tune out like you would when you do it the same way every night." That's what helped Hayley, 32, and Ethan, 31, spice things up. "Our sex life had gotten routine, but one night, my guy wanted to try a crazy position he'd seen in a video, and I was game," says Hayley. "Half the fun was rolling around trying to figure out what was supposed to go where."
"The bedroom is the only place we do it." The boudoir may be the most convenient place to participate in carnal activities, but staring at the same four walls is uninspiring. That's why you need to vary the venue. "Sex is about more than just touch; it's about the stimulation of your surroundings," explains Seddon. "Doing it somewhere out of the norm adds an element of fun and makes you feel a little deviant, which is a turn-on for many people."
Steam-it-up solution: Transplant your sack sessions to a place that feels sneaky or taboo, like the backseat of your car or on the picnic table in your backyard. "The thrill of messing around in a forbidden place plays to our innate fantasies of exhibitionism and voyeurism," explains Kerner. That naughty factor is what helped Lisa, 25, and her boyfriend, Dan, 29, get out of their rut: "We were at Dan's parents' house for his sister's engagement party," she says. "While everyone was upstairs oohing and aahing over her ring, Dan whispered to me that he wanted to mess around. We never do stuff like that, but the thought of getting it on somewhere off-limits turned me on. So we went into an out-of-the-way bathroom downstairs and had a quickie. I was kind of scared, to be honest, but that just added to the excitement."
You don't have to put your ass on the line — simply having sex in a different room will shake things up. Make it a rule that at least once a week you have to get busy somewhere other than the bedroom. That'll give you plenty of opportunities to do it in front of the bathroom mirror, in the tub, on the living room floor (watch out for rug burns!).... You get the picture.
"We're not amped up anymore." There's something to be said for having a steady diet of nooky. But abstinence makes the libido grow stronger. "Skipping sex for a couple of days is a form of delayed gratification," says Seddon. "Waiting enhances the anticipation factor, making you more turned on, so when you do have intercourse, it will be better and more fun."
Steam-it-up solution: Hold off on having sex for a few nights, and you'll both be jonesing for a rendezvous. "After Mark and I had been together for about a year, our sex life was getting pretty status quo," says Sasha, 24. "But when he went away on business trips and I didn't get to see him on a regular basis, all I could think about was how I couldn't wait to get my hands on him. By the time he'd get back, we were both so horny for each other." If your guy isn't leaving town any time soon, take the opposite approach and go away for the weekend with your girlfriends to make him miss you.
Another way to turbocharge your libido without abstaining totally: Forgo full-on sex and focus on foreplay. "If you only have foreplay for a day or two and get each other really worked up, it'll make the sex much hotter when you actually do it," says McCarthy. It might be hard, but vow not to cave. The wait will be worth it. "The sooner you realize that sex isn't just about intercourse, the more likely you are to avoid getting into a rut in the first place."
If your guy's sex drive is stalled, maybe this added incentive will help: New research from the Society for Experimental Scientific Social Research, Hamburg, shows that regular sex actually increases intelligence.