Sex Questions of the Week With Dr. Hutcherson
November 14, 2008
Q: I’m 18 and just had sex for the first time—and my boyfriend was a virgin too. We have done it four or five times and I’m not getting anything out of it. I want to keep trying, but is there anything that could be wrong or that we could do to make it better?
A: You have discovered the truth about sex for many young women: It just doesn’t live up to the hype in the beginning. We expect bombs to explode, and what we experience is more like a wet firecracker! In the beginning, sex is more about exploration and learning about your body and how it responds. The key is to figure out on your own (usually through masturbation) what it is that makes you feel good and where your sensitive spots and erogenous zones are. Then take that information into the bedroom with your boyfriend and show him what feels good! Rest assured, sex will get better in time.
November 13, 2008
Q: I am a married 22-year-old woman and I’m just not in the mood for sex that often. I can live without it for more than two months. Is this something I should worry about?
A: Desire does change after marriage for many couples. What’s important is not how often you’re having sex but that both you and your husband are happy with your sex life. Unlike men, who think about sex every minute, women may not think about sex at all. And that is OK and normal for some women. However, if you turn your husband down every time he initiates sex, it could cause a problem. It is important to find ways to boost your desire for sex. Sometimes little things like changing where you have sex or trying a new position can make it more exciting and make you want it more. Plan time away so you can focus only on each other. Check into a sleazy rent-by-the-hour hotel (bring your own blanket) for a midday rendezvous. Use your imagination and, chances are, your desire and sex life will become hot again.
November 12, 2008
Q: I’m 22 years old and a bit overweight, which causes me to have irregular periods. Two years ago, my period stopped altogether for a while; I would occasionally spot for a day and then it would just go away. I recently lost 25 pounds and my period is back to normal. Could the weight loss have something to do with it?
A: Yes. When women are overweight, they may experience a hormonal imbalance—estrogen levels tend to be higher, which in turn can affect the hormones that tell your ovaries it’s time to ovulate. When you don’t ovulate on a regular basis, it is possible to have irregular periods, frequent periods or no periods at all. Losing that 25 pounds was probably enough to allow your body to start ovulating regularly again. It is completely normal for a woman’s period to become more regular when she reaches a healthy weight. Congratulations!
November 11, 2008
Q: I have been with my boyfriend for almost two years and we no longer use condoms. I have had eight yeast infections in the last year. Why is this? Am I “allergic” to him? Please help!
A: My first suggestion would be to see your doctor to be sure that what you’re experiencing is in fact a yeast infection. Infections with bacteria and trichomonas may also cause itching and irritation. So it is possible that you have not been properly treated. Semen is alkaline—which is the opposite of acidic. So if you’re having sex frequently and he is ejaculating inside you, his semen could be altering the pH of your vagina, making it more alkaline. Since it is the acidity of the vagina that normally keeps your vagina healthy and infection-free, you may experience more infections. My advice would be to see your gynecologist when you have symptoms to determine the cause and discuss your options. I hate to use the word “allergic,” but it is possible to experience sensitivity to the proteins in a particular man’s semen. If you didn’t have this problem when you used condoms with your boyfriend, this could be the case. Unfortunately, if this is the case, desensitizing yourself to his semen is complicated and involves shots. So unless you plan to spend your life with him, I’d advise you continue to use condoms.
November 10, 2008
Q: I’ve been married now for about three years and it’s been good, but I am having issues with my sexual appetite—it’s not there! Before I got married, my sex drive was very healthy. However, I decided to become celibate again until I got married (at age 24). People always say that the first year is bliss because sex happens all the time—not so much for me. I want more, and I know he does too. How can I boost my sex drive? What’s happening?
A: It’s not unusual for sexual desire to change over the course of a relationship. The best way to increase desire for both people is to spend time focusing on sex and on each other. That means planning dates—and I do mean scheduling them like appointments on your calendar—that are going to end with some type of intimacy, whether it’s intercourse or foreplay. Secondly, find something that will help bring the excitement back into the bedroom. That might mean going out to buy a new negligee, a sex toy or a new lubricant or even checking into a hotel for the weekend—the point is that novelty increases desire. Even if you think sex is something that should happen spontaneously, in the end, planned sex is better than no sex. And once you start having it regularly, there’s actually a chemical change that will occur—levels of a hormone called oxytocin go up—making couples feel closer to each other so that, hopefully, you’ll start wanting to have more sex without a reminder from your BlackBerry. If you continue to have problems with desire, make an appointment with a sex and marital therapist. You may be able to find the answers you need after only a few visits.