A batterer can be male or female, come from any socioeconomic, racial, ethnic, and religious background. Batterers represent all different kinds of personalities, family backgrounds, and professions. There is no typical batterer.
1. Quick involvement: Comes on very strong, quickly pressures you for an exclusive
2. Jealousy: Excessively possessive, calls constantly or visits unexpectedly, checks
your car's mileage.
3. Controlling: Interrogates you intensely (especially if you're late) about who you talked
to and where you were, keeps all the money, insists you ask for permission to go
anywhere or do anything.
4. Sudden mood swings: Switches from sweetly loving to explosively violent in a matter
5. Isolation: Tries to cut you off from family and friends, tries to prevent you from holding
6. Blames others for problems/feelings: It's always someone else's fault (often yours) if
anything goes wrong.
7. “Playful” use of force during sex: Baterers may use coercion, intimidation, or
threats to get sexual gratification for themselves. It is another aspect of their partner’s
life that they want to control.
8. Makes everyone else responsible for his/her feelings: The abuser says, "You
make me angry," instead of "I am angry."
9. Cruelty to animals and children: Kills or punishes animals. May expect children to
do things that are beyond their ability or tease them mercilessly.
10. Breaking or striking objects: Batterers will use this behavior to terrorize, threaten,
and intimidate their partner.
11. Threats of Violence: Makes statements like, "I'll break your neck," or "I'll kill you,"
and then dismisses them with "Everyone talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it."
If it has come this far it's time to get help . . . or get out.