I feel that nasty depressed feeling wrapping its claws around me again. Stupid, insidious thing that it is, it creeps up on you. I can’t focus lately again. Can’t concentrate on conversations or on much of anything. Was drifting at church again yesterday, struggling to stay focused, tearful and all that nonsense.
That said, it’s not like it once was, all those years ago. I can’t imagine that I’ll ever again get to the place where I want to give up, in the sense of considering taking my own life. I may lie down and pray I won’t wake up at times, (not even there right now, thankfully) but it was different all those years ago, because I didn’t understand it…thought I was just crazy and hopeless. And I’m not. I have lots to live for and all that jazz. Well…all that jazz is one of the things to live for. I love jazz. 🙂 (Just trying to inject at least a bit of humor in this post.)
Anyway, I’m not in the depths of some depression or anything like that, so don’t think that. But I am going to get off this computer today. I’m sure I’ll be back later on. It’s a beautiful day outside. I’m going to try to spend as much time in the sunshine as I can, and get some things done around here too.
You know, with yesterday being Mother’s Day, I was naturally thinking a lot about Mom. With all that she went through and had to endure through the years, I don’t think she ever got to these ‘dark places’ that I go to sometimes. Can I say that for certain? No…maybe she had her moments. But I just can’t conceive it. She carried on. I wish so much that I was like that. But unfortunately I took after my father in that regard I guess. He was depressed, and drank to soothe it. I don’t drink to soothe it, but I have in the past at times, though they weren’t long lasting.
I hope you all have a wonderful day, and a wonderful week ahead. Love and blessings to you all…along with a little jazz for your Monday enjoyment. –Anne