We ALL do it. Every year, after the holidays we vow yet again to change our ways. No more drinking, or I'll lose that last 25 pounds or I will no longer let people walk all over me.
And every year, *92% of us fail!
With those odds, why bother? But each year, despite good intentions, the majority of us seem to give up a month later. What do you think it is that we are doing wrong? Most of us are serious, goal setting adults who know how to achieve some sort of success, after all you are a functioning member of society. Graduated from high school, college or went into the military. We KNOW how to follow rules. So why do so many fail? Let me take a stab at this phenomenon...
Most of us fail at our goal setting because...(drum-roll please)...
We set goals that are not resonating with
what WE REALLY want.
Yes, it's that simple. Think about your choices. I mean, take a few hours to REALLY think about them. Do you want to lose weight, or are you doing it because you know your wife keeps getting on your case about it? Or some relative mentioned your weight over the Holidays? Probably the latter. You are angry at yourself because you know, deep down inside, they are right.
More than 80% of people fail in achieving their goals because they are setting someone elses goals for themselves.
When we try to achieve a goal that doesn't engage us emotionally, then chances are, it is just a dream we thought of with our mind. Passion comes from the heart! And if you want to achieve a goal, it must come from your heart, not your head.
Take a look at me. I was gaining weight back in 2007. So, I did what everyone else does, I focused on the "I gotta lose weight" mindset. And guess what happened? I started gaining even more. Up and down I went, until one day my nephew wanted to know if I wanted to join him in taking karate.
Since I was out of shape I started with cardio kickboxing. After 6 weeks, I started in the adult mixed martial arts class. Pretty soon I forgot about losing weight, and started focusing on getting in shape and enjoying the kicking, punching, grappling and all around fun. My nephew was a black belt and an instructor. Over one year I went from white, yellow, orange and then purple belt. And guess what? I LOST weight.
I have always wanted to take up the martial arts, I just never had the time. So here was a passionate dream I was finally fulfilling, and one of the side effects was weight loss. Another side affect was I grew an inch taller, I was almost never tired and achieved a level of muscular definition I never thought was possible.
If you love the goal you set for yourself, you will do it even after you achieve it! So here are a few rules to help you stick to those New Years Resolutions:
1) Make SURE the goals you want are truly your ownGive it a try. Write down a few things you are passionate about and always wanted to do. Now write down the positive side effects that would come about if you achieved that goal. Now write down what would happen if you DID NOT do it this year.
This requires that you sit down in silence, relax and really get to know yourself. Get other people's voice out of your head and figure out what YOU WANT out of life. (start by getting your parents voice out of your head). Also, sit outside if you can. No music. No Internet. No disturbances of any kind while you do this exercise.
2) Form a Master Mind Group that is supportiveIf you are unsure of what a Master Mind Group is, here's a start: Napoleon Hill's definition of a Master Mind.
Then, get a small group of friends who have the same or similar goals. DO NOT TELL ANYONE ELSE about these goals except your super secret Master Mind Group. Be VERY careful of who you invite. This should not be buddies that you like hanging out with but instead choose people in business or life who may have skills and goals you are lacking.
The reason I state that you should be quiet about your goals is because there are always saboteurs around us. You want positive people who are supportive, goal oriented and keep everyone accountable!
When the goal has been achieved people will ask, "WHAT is she doing different?"
3) Be AdaptableWhen I started my 4th company, K2 Design, I had a dream of creating a traditional design & marketing firm that would be the talk of NYC. Unbeknownst to me, we were competing with 4,000 other established design firms in Manhattan.
One day my business partner bursts into our one room office and exclaims "We have to become an Internet Company!" I had NO IDEA what he was talking about (remember, in 1994 only 12% of the population knew what the Internet was).
But I decided to adjust my goal to this newfangled idea. And sales went through the roof! We had unknowingly became one of 10 design firms in the world simply because we shifted our vision.
Joe Calloway mentions this in his book...
Goals are not set in stone. They must live in your heart—learn, adjust and change as the world changes around you. If you stay adaptable, letting go of hard rigid opinions, you WILL be able to get where you are going.
Too many people stay stuck in a rut because they stop upgrading and adapting their resolutions to the changing landscape. Kinda like a group of commandos in the field. If they were trained for desert combat don't you think they would have to adjust for the jungle?
You'll be happier doing what you want, not what you think you should be doing. And don't forget to pat yourself on the back once in a while. Being hard on yourself serves no one.
Thank you for a GREAT 2012, and an even better 2013...
Email me if you want to discuss your goals for this year. I have some results driven coaching packages for executives as well as individuals.
* Special thank you to The University of Scranton. Journal of Clinical Psychology Published: 12.13.2012
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