If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
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This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator