Thursday, June 21, 2007
New Beginning 299
"Shit! What did you do that for!?"
"I'm sorry, Daddy, I didn't mean to."
"Well, sorry doesn't help me. I'm still dead."
Carol looked at the ghost of her father as it hovered above his body. She had come into the house all excited and without thinking had flipped on the light. Her father had been working on the lights - without a license - and had caught the full brunt of the renewed electricity. He fried, he fell, and then he floated above himself.
A strange sense that this was violating some aspect of reality washed over her.
"Why are you a ghost?"
"Never mind that right now. The first thing wee have to do is cover this up. There's no way my daughter is going to jail for manslaughter."
"But Daddy, I did kill you."
"So? Besides, manslaughter is the best you can hope for. You'll be lucky if some jumped up little turnip of an ADA doesn't nail you for murder."
That was when I walked in. As soon as I got the whole story, I knew exactly what to do: I called Bucky Merriwether at 1-555-LAW-GUYZ. Within the hour, one of their planes was overhead and a few minutes later, a paralegal was at the door.
They went into action straight away. With one of the most extensive law libraries in the South-East, they were soon able to prove my husband was at fault: it’s common knowledge it takes three accountants to change a light bulb.
Carol was acquitted, I got to keep the insurance money (less their twenty per cent), and they even got a restraining order on the ghost. It couldn’t have gone better. If you’re in an improbable fix, call LAW-GUYZ.
Low income? No credit? No problem! We accept food stamps, automobiles and sexual favors.
1-555-LAW-GUYZ. Because nothing’s indefensible.
Opening: D Jason Cooper.....Continuation: Anonymous