I had one client job finished and another in the runner…. almost finished. I had lunch plans with Bella (super awesome because I hadn't seen her in like two weeks!!!!!) and then I was headed to Wal Mart for some grocery shopping.
My plan for the night included making dinner for Hail Mary, the Bubbie and the kids.
Instead I was getting an EKG, blood panel, chest x-rays and bags of IV fluid.
All was going just fine until I was heading up the mac & cheese aisle at Wal Mart - Velveeta & Shells is The Girls' favorite and as I pushed the cart up the aisle I noticed that it got harder and harder to breathe. Ok…. ok….. not in *that* way - my cart wasn't overly full, I wasn't strained…. but it started to feel like someone was sitting on my chest…..
Weird. May be it's indigestion, I wondered?
I kept shopping…. as you do.
But as I leaned over to grab the mac & cheese, my hands and feet and legs started tingling, then my jaw…. then my head? Wait… my head? It was the strangest feeling. The next thing I knew the woman in the aisle with me had her hand on my back and I was struggling to stay conscious by holding onto the edges of the cart and struggling to breathe.
Hhhmm….. I mean, we all know how much I love Wal Mart… but this level of 'excitement' seemed a bit much.
I regained my composure, thanked the nice lady and carried on with my shopping.
My chest felt tighter and tighter. WTH?
I made it up to the checkout and my checker was chatting away….. a few minutes later she said, "Did I say something to offend you?"
No……? I looked at her and asked why she would ask me that.
She didn't answer right away, she just kept checking my groceries, then she said, "Was I talking too loud?"
She paused for a second, then she asked me if I needed a chair to sit down?
Huh? Oh wait….. I look down and I see my hands gripping the edges of the check register thing and I realize that I'm starting to get tingly and I'm starting to totally pass out at this point. The manager comes over and puts an arm around my waist and I struggle against to remain upright.
Now I'm getting scared. Employees are talking about whether or not they need to call 911… I assure them I'm fine. They insist on walking me out to the car and loading in my bags for me and I decide that instead of going home - I should probably head to the ER up the road.
I get to the ER and now my legs feel like lead balloons, my chest is so tight it feels like someone has their hand on it just pressing down - this steady pressure…… my jaw is still tingling off and on and I'm sweating and I'm starting to feel like I want to throw up.
I mumbled these collective nothingness of symptoms to the girl at the front desk and seconds later I'm hooked up to beeping machines and wires and I over hear someone with a badge that say's, RN CEN tell someone else that I might be having a heart attack…..
Dude…. I'm 38. I have no cholesterol or blood pressure or diabetes or NOTHING….. how the hell am I having a heart attack?!?!?!?!
I remember at the back of my mind that sometimes a panic attack can feel like a heart attack????? So I decide to put on the playlist that Hail Mary made for me, plug in my headphones and ingnore the hustle and bustle of the room…. just relax… just breathe.
The Bubbie was at home with my kids and watching another baby in the family and I knew that she couldn't get to me until after 4, so I decided to wait to call her until then.
Hail Mary lives 45 minutes away and even though I knew she would be off work soon, I also knew that Thursday is her running night and she's getting ready for a race next week….. and she won't be done running until 6:30, so I don't call her either.
I just lay there, buried under warmed blankets (in spite of my little fits of 'sweats' I was having) - concentrating on trying to relax and breathe….. but my body feels heavier and heavier, my head aches and my chest feels like someone is now sitting on it.
A doctor say's they are going to check me for everything because the symptoms are consistent with 'heart attack' but I'm in good health and he doesn't see an obvious reason that would be happening, so they will rule that out and then go after other reasons….. a whole litany of illness' and diseases are said- but I don't remember any….. autoimmune something, pleurisy, virus….. blood clots, organ issue's…..
Dude…I was JUST AT DISNEYLAND…. how the hell did I end up here?
Then I just fall asleep, which is a really bad habit I have when I'm upset or worried or really angry… I just fall asleep.
I wake up sometime later and call the Bubbie - because the cold groceries are still in my car and she needs to come get them. She shows up a short time later with a very upset and worried Boy and Girl in tow…. and I feel terrible that they see me like this. I ask her to call Hail Mary at 6:30 when I think she'll be done with her run…..
At 7:08 Hail Mary comes bursting through my sliding glass door - and the first thing she does is *demand* to know why I didn't call her hours earlier when I was admitted….. I tell her that I didn't want her to miss her run….
I'm covered in wires and an IV and little sticky things that wires plug into …. I must look pretty freakin' sexy, I think to myself…. it's not enough that I've lost *all* my dignity by having to wear an ass-open hospital gown, now I'm covered in sticky stuff and I have my period…so, this just couldn't be any more unpleasant…. oh wait: except for the fact that I *still* feel like my legs are asleep and I can't breathe.
Hail Mary immediately sits at my bedside, she's saying sweet things and stroking my hair. I tell her my legs hurt and she jumps up and heads to the nurses' station…. she comes back with hand lotion and the next thing I know, she's rubbing my feet and calves - which she notes are *waaaaaay* tight and full of cramps…. yes - I know. lololol
Aren't Butch girls the best? I'm in a hospital and she's not sitting in the chair next to the bed playing on her phone….. no….. she's holding my hand and rubbing my feet… and when my bed get's all twisted up, she remakes the entire thing putting special care to put the softest blanket on the bottom…. yeah: dating girls is freaking awesome.
I'm in out and sleep and trying to remain calm and breathe - but secretly I'm freaking out because when I'm not thinking about the kids, I'm wondering if it's just too soon in our relationship for Hail Mary to see me in such sorry state…..
Hours go by, more fluids, more tests…… the doctor comes back.
No autoimmune anything.
No liver, kidney or bladder issue's: they all look good.
I'm not dehydrated… which explains why I'm *not* feeling better after all the fluids in the IV.
My electrolytes are fine.
My EKG and heart tests are fine.
No blood clots….. no signs of pleurisy.
But I'm clearly not well, and the doctor says he thinks it's inflammation in my chest wall which is pressing down making it harder to breathe and causing my symptoms that mirror that of a heart attack.
More tests are ordered and he'll be back later…..
Hail Mary never leaves me except to call The Bubbie and fill her in on what the doctor said. Then she's back to rubbing my feet or calves or holding my hand.
After I sleep for a while and the meds are working, I start to feel less groggy and weird and my chest feels a bit better - but there is still pressure…..
After a 5 hour stay in the ER it is decided that I had an infection in my throat - only minor as my tonsil is only a little inflamed still and I barely had a sore throat last week which I chalked up to the smog in LA…. but this infection went down in my chest wall causing inflammation - the pressure, the hard time breathing and other symptoms.
Good times…..see - that's just me. You *think* I'm having a heart attack… and it's a f*cking glorified chest cold? lololol…. no no - the doctor say's - not a chest cold - this is an inflammation in the lining of your chest, which is a little different and doesn't respond to cold meds, you need anti-inflammatory meds.
Prescriptions are written and everyone clears the room and Hail Mary stays to help me get dressed…. turning her back at times when she knows I'm not ready for her to see me like that…. How great is that? How totally awesome is Hail Mary…….?
So… all is well. I have pills to take and there won't be any down-hill skiing in my near future until the lining of my chest returns to normal….. but I'm pretty ok with that plan.
What a week…… I swear - if I wasn't living in my own skin, I wouldn't believe any of this happened. Crazy…. just crazy.
AND FOR THE RECORD, I had no idea was "having a heart attack" looked like - and I guess it's not at all like the movies……? (Neither is finding true love or childbirth - so I'm not sure why I believed their heart attack scenarios… but I did…. lololol) Here is a link to some helpful information: