The Associated Press is reporting that at approximately 0600 am Eastern, agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigation, along with representatives from the Department of Homeland Security, raided the offices of The Comics Journal in what apparently was a long planned sting operation. Multiple eyewitnesses have confirmed that shots were indeed fired, with three Federal Officers left dead and a number of TCJ employees taken away into custody. A spokesperson for the FBI has issued a public statement confirming that the raid concerned a long-running terrorist cell populated exclusively by staff members of TCJ, who were heavily involved in various drug-running and gun-smuggling activities across multiple state borders.
Originally called The New Nostalgia, the magazine was later rechristened as The Comics Journal in January of 1976 by original Editor in Chief Gary Groth. In spite of the occasional lawsuit over the years, generally involving incidents of slander and/or libel, The Comics Journal has long been regarded as one of the premiere sources for industry news and indepth interviews. The popularity of the magazine, however, has dwindled remarkably in recent years, with ever-diminishing sales prompting the publication’s dropping down to predominantly online status. Some critics have attributed the dwindling readership to the magazine’s increased focus in catering to illiterate hipsters too cool to be seen in a brick and mortar comics shop unless a movie tie-in is headlining mainstream media outlets. Other critics suggest that TCJ’s over-emphasis on appealing to followers of the New York Times book reviews and listeners of National Public Radio have pushed away many traditional and long term comic book readers in exchange for persons not too likely to actually ever pick up any book with pictures. Still, other critics merely blame the snooty attitudes of much of the editorial staff. New Comics Day reporters failed to find anyone who actually followed The Comics Journal regularly, as although many proudly stated otherwise all were completely incapable of naming a single of the current columns from TCJ.
Now however, we know the full story, as charges are being filed against Tim Hodler, Dan Nadel, Kristy Valenti, Michel Fiffe, Kim Thompson, and Gary Groth for multiple counts of possession of drug paraphernalia, unregistered and illegal firearms, false identification, and resisting arrest by Federal officers, as well as testing positive for a variety of drugs in blood, urine, hair and stool samples. Seized in the raid were 19 assault rifles, 63 handguns, over 250 lbs of non-medical Marijuana, and 3 buckets full of crack-cocaine. Also taken from the offices were several sizable boxes full of assorted “hentai”, essentially illustrated pornographic materials involving many small children engaging in grotesque sexual acts with adults and animals and lawncare equipment. Underneath the offices, authorities found two hidden chambers, one filled with an estimated thousands of dollars in comic book memorabilia, and the other stuffed with the decomposing (and partially devoured) bodies of a large number of interns- some of whom had been missing since the 1980s.
When asked to comment on this story, noted author Harlan Ellison, who holds a rather checkered history with The Comics Journal, could only jump up and down while excitedly saying, “NANNY NANNY BOO BOO STICK YOUR HEADS IN DOO DOO!”
In piecing together this strange and unsettling story, New Comics Day also tried to share notes with contributors from either Comic Book Resources or Newsarama, but unfortunately found that the trendy copy and paste blogsites actually are run by nothing but pre-programmed robots and trained, cigar-smoking monkeys.
All of this comes as incredibly shocking news, as an iconic staple of American comic books is brought down so quickly, and so irrevocably. The miserable possibility of long term drug usage and criminality would certainly explain the drop in quality of TCJ over the years, but nothing can explain the violence and savage ferocity with which these frail and disheveled comic book journalists fought back against Federal agents of the law. In the opinion of New Comics Day, perhaps modern culture has in fact judged Fredrich Wertham too harshly after all. Comic books evidently do waste and even destroy lives entirely.
Just like The Comics Journal.