Recently I have found myself wondering something: Is there ever a point in time where the wrong thing is actually the right thing?
I ask because I’m kind of hoeing a rocky road right now. I don’t know whether or not it is just the time of year: This point in season usually finds me a little wild-eyed.
It could also be the sheer size of the in-box sitting on my desk. I’m learning that being a contributing adult manifests in a never-ending work load. It might also very well be the fact that my little girl still wants a bottle at 2 a.m. I don’t think I’ve slept more than four hours at a pop for eight months now. It’s tough. I’m tired. Bone-deep-in-your-soul tired.
I’m sure that many of you understand the feeling quite well. Sometimes, it seems there are so many hats to wear that Mach 10 busy-ness and frustration are just the name of the game. And the worst part of it is that instead of putting on one hat at a time, I seem to just be piling them all up, one on top of the other, until the tower of hats on my head resembles some odd, farcical Bugs Bunny cartoon character.
It isn’t as if I don’t know what to do about it. We all know what to do about it. Slow down. Focus. Choose and conquer one task at a time. But knowing and doing are two very different things. And being unable to implement your knowledge only makes it all the more frustrating. Of course, I use my yogic practices to try and mitigate this. The act of long, deep breathing and yoga asana may very well be the only things that are keeping me from popping a vein, and I am on-my-knees grateful for them.
But after all of that is where I seem to miss my left turn to Albuquerque. Once I have used all my yoga resources to beat that stress monster into a simmering submission down in the gut, I find myself keeping him down by smothering him in a big layer of cake. That’s right. You heard me: Cake. Chocolate cake, yellow cake, butterscotch cake, strawberry shortcake, pound cake. If there’s no cake, then a cookie or three will do. Barely.
And, oh, how I know that’s the wrong thing to do. The need for sugar is just a manifestation of the mind; it is merely a desire to appease the senses. The body has no need for refined sugar, and, as a matter of fact, this type of sugar is very damaging to the system. The body will never function better fueled by cake rather than an apple. I know this. I understand this. And I straight up don’t freakin’ care. At the moment, my fragile psyche needs that cake more than it needs to do the right thing.
So here, the wrong thing is actually the right thing. It’s a kindness I visit upon myself until I am strong enough to pick up that nutrition hat again. As long as it remains a cyclical and situational occurrence, not a long-term, unconscious habit, I see absolutely nothing wrong with it. I’m not overweight. I exercise. I don’t have diabetes or high blood pressure. It may not be absolutely the right behavior, but, ultimately, it isn’t going to kill me. Or you. And as a momentary self-kindness, its worth is beyond right and wrong.
So, for all of you stressed-out masses, I will be the one to stand on the balustrade, arms raised, fork in hand, to cry out, “Let us eat cake!”
E-mail Shane at email@example.com