I’ve been out of a job for 3 months. I got fired from a juice bar for stealing a vegan energy bar. They caught me on camera. My parents cut me off 3 months ago on my 18th birthday, which is why I got the job in the first place. It lasted 3 days. I searched for jobs through Craigslist. I’ve always wanted to be a personal assistant. Seems easy enough, picking up someones clothes from the cleaners. I like easy, I do well with easy. Most times that is…
I saw an ad stating “Full Time Personal Assistant Needed.” The description was non-specific. “Retired botanist, looking for someone to help with basic chores and duties, watering my rose garden and such.” It sounded perfect. I sent over my resume and he immediately replied for an interview.
His house was huge, tucked into one of the most expensive parts of Austin, Tarrytown. No rose garden, maybe it’s in the back I thought. I pulled up in my 1990 Acura Legend, got out and rang the bell.
He was in his 70’s, in a robe, half opened with his chest hair hanging out. I’ve been told I’m naive by many close friends which leads me to believe this is the reason I walked right in the door. I don’t know I just figured, “hey, he’s fucking rich, he can wear a goddamn robe at 3 in the afternoon if he wants.” Thats what I would do if I was filthy rich. Made sense to me.
I sat down on his plastic covered couch and he sat across from me on his plastic covered ottoman and crossed his legs, allowing his balls to hit the plastic in my perfect view. I shifted a bit in my seat.
“So why are you interested in being my personal assistant?”
My eyes twitched away from the sight of his balls, “I’ve always wanted to try it out, I feel like I’m good at pleasing people. No project is too big or hard for me to handle.”
He nodded his head and smiled. “How much do you charge an hour?”
“Hmm, I don’t know I guess $18? Whatever you think?”
“Well that depends. Do you believe $18 an hour is what you’re worth?”
“Yea I think that sounds fare.”
He stood up and untied his robe, letting his semi hard old cock swing slightly. I screamed and stood up. He began walking towards me, arms open wide and I grabbed the vase from the table and threw it at his head. It cracked him straight at the temple and his bones fell to the ground. He moaned holding his bloody head and I just stood there unsure of what to do.
“Fuck! What the fuck?” I yelled down at him, he wasn’t moving.
I began running towards the door when I saw his wallet from the corner of my eye on the top of his shelf. “Fuck it.” I reached in, grabbed the wad of hundreds and took off in my car.
$600 was definitely worth my time.