Before becoming a mom, there was so much about motherhood that I understood on a cerebral level but not on an emotional level. Even while I was pregnant I did not fully grasp the emotional changes that were about to happen. Pregnancy changed me, but giving birth and finally meeting my daughter solidified that change. As time progresses, that change becomes more entrenched and fierce.
I am not someone who desperately wanted to be a mom. I wasn’t opposed to having children, but it wasn’t on the top of my bucket list. Career, travel, adventure, and exploration were higher up on that list. Honestly, if it were up to me planning on getting pregnant, I don’t think it would have ever happened. I would have found reasons as to why it wasn’t the right time and then next thing you know itm it would be too late.
Now that I’m a mom, I find my priorities have changed. Being the best mom I can be is my top priority. I find myself making career decisions based on this change in priorities. Before the birth of my daughter I wanted to fully immerse myself in career and academia, now I find myself searching for pathways that are less demanding and allow more flexibility so I can spend most of my time with my family.
My old self occasionally creeps up to the surface and is baffled at these changes! How can I – the type A, overachiever – be content with anything less than a full court press approach to career and adventure!? I still struggle with reconciling the old me with the new me, however the new me is definitely a better, more balanced version of myself. My “old self” – which is really my ego – can be a bit of a sabotager. It can be tricky differentiating between the ego and your true self. The more aware you are of the tricks of the ego the clearer you will be in navigating your world.
Now, as a mom, I am changing my approach to what the next step for me, the individual (not the mom), is going to be. This is all new territory for me so of course there’s fear and uncertainty in all of this change. However, as I discussed in the post Leaning In To Uncertainty, I am up for the challenge.
Here are my questions to you all –