Shower/Bath done for the night, company has left, and now I have time to finish writing in my diary for the day. I am planning on going to bed around 8:30 PM because I am relaxed and getting sleepy now. I am so looking forward to this upcoming week, and the story is a long one, so I will share part of the story tonight and then the rest tomorrow, okay? Here it goes…
On Monday, February 26, DB and I had a disagreement at the grocery store, and when we got back home to my place to put groceries away, words came from her mouth that were pretty strong – not swear words, though – just her opinion and her comparing me with other clients who had goals in mind and that I have been backsliding from when IDS closed. I asked DB if she wanted this to be her last week and then she replied that she will be the one giving me notice. I really do not know what happened as I saw what she did not see apparently, or she didn’t see what I saw. Something like that anyway. My words do get mixed up at times and I can say the same thing two different ways, but if you know what I am trying to say then I haven’t failed miserably.
Maybe I will get the story told tonight after all.
When it was time for her to leave and I was still feeling the heartstring pull of her words, I have had time to be by myself while she went to the laundromat this afternoon to get loads of laundry done. Maybe she would cool down and everything would be fine. She had gotten back, put my laundry away, and then left for the rest of the week. At this time, I did not think of firing her because I was still hurting and bothered by what she had said to me that day. I was planning on talking to her about some changes that I wanted to make and give her one more chance but that may be out the window. She had said good bye to Bing Crosby the Cat a little longer than she usually does, said good bye to me as she walked out the door, and I do not even remember if she said she would see me on Thursday. I do not think she did.
I have had time to chew on what I wanted to do about DB as the day continued and I slept on it. To be very honest here, I did not sleep well Monday night. I had awakened to the thought that letting go of DB would be best for me because I have noticed some restrictions were happening and I could not have her talking to me the way she did on Monday, February 26. It was unpleasant and very uncomfortable. I was not a very happy woman at all. I had planned on talking to her about the changes that I wanted to make on Monday, but it never happened because she spoke her mind clearly on some matters that I did not agree with and I did not get a word in edge wise. It was very unpleasant. When I had awakened I had come up with the fact that her last chance was on Monday after all and that I decided to fire her, and have her not return on Thursday, March 1.
Now, I am not very good at speaking to others in person sometimes, and writing my thoughts, feelings, and words on paper is the way I go to get my thoughts in order. I have spoken to my IRIS consultant JR and my other IRIS worker DKF (after the fact things were going down). I was not a happy woman (camper). After writing my thoughts down, I texted DB and told her this:
I am not happy with how you treated me yesterday, DB. Not at all. I cannot allow this to continue. I have to let you go as of now. I feel I have given you enough chances to understand. I know someone who will be taking your place as of right now, and do not need to return on Thursday. I am hurt and bothered, and I do not have a sounding board anymore, so I am doing this on my own. I cannot tell you in person because gets tired up. I cannot believe that you have told me I backslid from IDS. That took it.
She replied saying this:
I was not a happy person at all. Her response was fine with me, though. Now, knowing that it would have been better to have spoken to her in person, but when I do talk my feelings out in front of people as the words get stuck or I do not say exactly what I mean even if I plan and practice ahead of time. I am not good at speaking although public speaking is a passion of mine when I am doing something to bring awareness to or there is a need for a voice.
As the week continued to Thursday, I do have to say, that DB may not have shown up, and that is one way that someone can tell that they do not want to work for you anymore according to IRIS standards. I am okay with that. I believe DB would not have shown up. That is what DKF and I discussed that morning.
As the week drew to a close, Friday, I decided to do something fun with DKF that morning for IRIS CC (companion care) time. I went to US Nails to have a manicure so now my nails are nicely shaped with nail polish on them and being pampered was awesome. I was excited to get out and enjoy getting out on a beautiful day. Now, with DB out of the picture, even though I wish it wasn’t that way, I have some changes to make and goals in mind that DKF and I can work on together.
With all of that said and yes, it is a long story, I do have to say that I feel less stressed, less tired, muscles ache less, and I am feeling steadier on my feet even though my walker is my main support system. I did not realize I was walking on egg shells until this week. When someone walks on egg shells with certain people in their lives, it is not a very comfortable. Now egg shells can be where they belong – around the egg the chicken hatches every day to protect the it. Now, that is a very good feeling!! I can begin my week with DKF and look for someone who will be willing to work with me for IRIS PC (personal cares) and get some hours so DKF can have the weekends off to be with her husband and family. That is very important for now.