I've mentioned before that it looks pretty clear that I have ADD and that it's something that I can't believe wasn't obvious to me years ago.
Here's a list of indicators from a very good book I got in New Paltz for 50 cents at the urging of my ex-wife. Well spent half a buck.
A. A chronic disturbance in which at least twelve of the following are present:
1. A sense of underachievement, of not meeting one's goals (regardless of how much one has actually accomplished)
Well that certainly fits me to a tee. I'm in my late 40s and nowhere close to any real accomplishment.
2. Difficulty getting organized
Anyone that's known me for any length of time or been to my apartment knows how perfectly well this fits me...though when I do get organized, its super organized.
3. Chronic procrastination or trouble getting started.
Mhm. This sort of thing does lead to Criteria 1.
4. Many projects going simultaneously, trouble with follow-through.
For years that was an issue. Then I started just trying one thing at a time. Follow through is still tricky. I work best in projects with others. It's one reason I started this blog..A way to have to follow through because there's an alleged audience. (All 5 of you out there?)
5. A tendency to say what comes to mind without necessarily considering the timing or appropriateness of the remark.
I used to think of this as sometimes being tactless. It's not a frequent occurrence but I do find lately I am more impulsive and sometimes say or write things I regret almost immediately after. Never things meant to be hurtful, in fact often meant to be helpful, but so impulsively expressed that the words get mixed up and I end up sounding like an insensitive ass when in fact I'm more likely being a sensitive ass. Kind of like the Harry Connick Jr. character in P.S. I Love You:
"Sorry, I have a syndrome. I don't really have a filter. I don't pick up on social cues"
"You mean you're rude"
"Yeah but now it's a disease I can get medication for it"
6. A frequent search for high stimulation.
At first I thought that this doesn't apply. Then I started thinking about things a bit more. A great deal of my life is pretty much one crisis after another with small breaks in between. Now, that's not stimulation like sky diving, or speed boating and car racing; the kind of stimulation one thinks of but it is stimulating. I have to admit that.
This hit me like a hammer to the head this morning as it all occurred to me. And its got my thoughts reeling.
I tend to subscribe to the thinking that we create our own lives by what we focus on. And as I suggested in my New Years post, I tend to worry. Worry breeds the worrisome. Thus...seeking stimulation.
7. An intolerance of boredom.
I always have to have something happening. A movie, music, podcasts on the subway ride. A magazine. A book. I can't ride the subway without something to keep occupied with or I get fidgety.
There's more. I'll continue tomorrow and likely the day after.