A few years ago The Dixie Chicks said that George Bush looked like a big stupid monkey-headed ass-clown and their career was almost destroyed because of it – but now everyone else agrees, so The Dixie Chicks have gone back to winning Grammys again.
Last night's Grammy awards marked the official comeback of The Dixie Chicks. Winning five of the biggest Grammy categories, The Dixie Chicks either proved that they were right about the president all along or that people were just thankful that in their last album they packed in all that useless fiddle-de-dee nonsense for once. Either way it doesn't matter because – thanks to them winning five Grammy Awards out of the blue – The Dixie Chicks upstaged Sting, so we're forever in their debt.
The world, let's make it clear, is full of terrible awards ceremonies. The National Board Of Review, The Mobo Awards, The British Soap Awards – pretty dire one and all, but for sheer suicide-inducing tedium, the 900-hour long Grammy Awards surely has to take the biscuit. There are just so many reasons why the Grammys are terrible – the billion award categories, the vast smugness, the annual lecture about how illegally downloading a U2 single is the same as crashing a bomb-filled petrol tanker into an orphanage, the frequent inclusion of Sting – and luckily last night's Grammy Awards had them all.
Last year's Grammy awards opened with a spectacular bang – Madonna singing and dancing around 3D Gorillaz live onstage – but this year there was something even more special. That's right – Sting reformed The Police. Don't worry if this news doesn't make you particularly happy, because at the Grammys Sting radiated enough smug self-satisfaction to warm at least three of his seven houses for a year. Also performing at the Grammys was Justin Timberlake and the winner of the My Grammy Moment competition, which not even the immediate family of the competition winner could muster a jot of excitement about.
But enough about the Grammy performances, what about the Grammy winners? The Grammys aren't like the Latin Grammys, where Shakira stands on a stage for two hours and occasionally checks her watch as a team of underlings fill a flatbed truck with award after award – the real Grammys have nominees. And until the Grammys took place, it seemed as if Mary J Blige was going to win just about everything. But in the end, last night's Grammys was all about The Dixie Chicks – the cowgirls who everyone hated for slagging off George Bush until they made a censored film about it – as Time reports:
The Texas trio won all the biggest categories, including record and song of the year for the no-regrets anthem "Not Ready to Make Nice." They also won best country album, which was especially ironic considering they don't consider themselves country artists anymore. "I'm ready to make nice!" lead singer Natalie Maines exclaimed as the group accepted the album of the year award. "I think people are using their freedom of speech with all these awards. We get the message."… "That's interesting," Maines crowed from the podium after the country award was handed out earlier in the night. "Well, to quote the great 'Simpsons' — 'Heh-Heh.' "Just kidding," added Maines. "A lot of people just turned their TVs off right now. I'm very sorry for that."
Other Grammy winners last night included the Red Hot Chili Peppers, Tony Bennett and Ludacris, but none of that is important. What's important is that today is officially the furthest point you'll be until another Grammy Award is handed out. Make the most of it.