I do not understand how my feelings and emotions evolve into personas that then haunt me. They take total control, in a fit of mania, like a spinning top awaiting the final spin, and inevitable tumble. Always returning to the same position, waiting less than patiently for the cycle to begin once more. For me, it is an indescribable sensation. Like water running through a mountainous wilderness must eventually fall off the cliff, and so it seems, must I. A wild and treacherous journey we all, surely, must take. Water running through a grotto, creating an eddy, dragging everything down. My black cardigan flapping in desperation.