Know Thy Solar Plexus: Addressing the Self
Last week, we identified the state of our solar plexus chakra. Then we learned a way to awaken and bring our focus onto it with a breathing technique called Kapalabhati.
Now, it’s time to do a little more work. It’s time to forgive yourself. For even the tiniest thing. This will help you get back in touch with your best and authentic self.
A common barrier to forgiveness, useful or not, is the absence of apology. I’ve seen one unnerving practice far too many times. You may be familiar; Person A negatively impacting Person(s) B, self forgiving before Person B gets a chance to, or before even offering an apology, telling Person B why they are actually responsible for the lingering hurt, then considering themselves enlightened for moving “forward.”
Great thing here is, we don’t have to struggle through that because this whole thing is internal.
Apologize to yourself.
Identify the ways you’ve hurt yourself.
Sit with how you’ve allowed hurt to come your way.
Sit with how you have perpetuated and re-lived hurt in your own body & mind.
Acknowledge it all.
Recognize the factors, name them, understand their effects.
Take responsibility for them.
Now, if you commonly have the fuckboi tendency of refusing to apologize after you’ve wronged someone, and just coddling your ego instead (it’s ok, just own it! That’s why we’re working), this process might prove difficult. Chances are you don’t find reason to offer this sentiment to yourself or may not have a very long history of receiving it from other people.
Apology is hard.
It requires taking responsibility for something you don’t want to identify with. It includes accepting that your actions have moved against who you’ve perceived yourself to be or how you’d like to present yourself to the world. In this case, you’ve actually contributed to your own hurt? That’s difficult to own (even though we all do it at some point in life cause human.)
To make it easier, we’ll go through it step by step.
How to apologize (by dream hampton)
- I’m sorry.
- Here’s my understanding of how I hurt you.
- I will never do that again.
- Here’s how I’m going to make it right.
- Please forgive me.
It’s important to keep in mind that this is about you. It is not about what is due to you from the outside. In no way do you need to take ownership of someone else hurting or harming you. The actions of other people are not your responsibility to bear. They need to do their own process, and while they may very well owe you an apology or a few dozen, this is not about them. This is about how you can use your power to heal you. Honor yourself. You know you deserve apology. Be the first to give it.
On the other hand, this is also not about excusing yourself for the ways you’ve hurt other people. If you’ve caused pain in another person, this is not the time to recede back into fuckboi-isms and excuse yourself for hurting them. This is still about you. Just you. This is about recognizing the ways you’ve contributed to your own hurt and healing that. You being able to treat people better is a pleasant side effect, not the focus.
Type it, paint it, write in a journal, pull out your quill pen. Do whatever makes it real and sacred to you. You are in full apology mode. Nothing matters outside of what ways you can make amends. Get it all out. And follow the steps exactly. Don’t skip #3. Make a plan to follow through with #4 when it may be difficult. Make sure you mean it, make sure to be honest about your capacity.
It might look a little something like this:
“Love, I apologize. I apologize for re-introducing awful foods back into your body. I know what your body needs, what it doesn’t, and how much it struggles when I ignore or minimize these things. I understand how much work you’ve put into your internal health and wellness and how undermining it is to casually feed you fast and processed foods. This is not honoring your body, your commitments, your values, or your previous work. I will stop doing this. I absolutely won’t stop by a fast food place out of speed or convenience. I remember when fast food was intentionally foreign to you and I want to support you in upholding that again. On my next day off, I’ll prepare snacks that feel good to your body, so that even in a rush, you will have good options for nourishment. I’ll make this right again. Please forgive me in your own time.”
“Love, I’ve been putting you in harm’s way for a long time now, emotionally. I realize this is a pattern and I’m so fucking sorry. I don’t have any excuses for myself at all, even if I can come up with rationalizations. I have not been protecting your heart, your sacred space, your emotional energy, or your body in the ways that I know you require. I have very much lost my vigor in these matters and have allowed people, things, and situations into your life that do not honor who you are, what you value, and what you need. This has further hurt you and it is not something you deserve. I will be more discerning from this moment forward. If I feel any pressure or impulsive desires, I will step back and take adequate time to think and honor your gut feelings. I understand that deliberation is important to you and I will not allow anything or anyone to convince you that you need to move any faster than your historically steady pace. I know that regaining trust is extremely difficult due to my infractions and I ask that you take your time in forgiving me as I regain your trust with my actions.”
I mean, you might wanna apologize for submerging yourself between hella “allies” and being hurt when you find they happily promote white supremacy, patriarchy, misogynoir, heteronormativity, and allat. Dig deep and cover all bases. When it’s all out, step away and take a breather. If you can, grab some fresh air and practice your Kapalabhati pranayama.
Now go out and do something to bring you joy while honoring your word.
After an hour or so, come back and re-read your apology. Read it as many time as you’d like. This is important and you need to absorb it now as the deserving recipient.
You might find that forgiveness after a sincere apology feels like instinct. Remember that you are human and there are a slew of circumstances that make us do/say/think unreasonable or otherwise unwise things.
Let that shit go.
The best (non-enabling) way to move forward from these things is to stay your course, make a conscious effort to move from your best self, remember that course of action you planed for when things might get difficult, and always listen to your gut/Solar Plexus. Move slower, check in with yourself before big decisions, then smaller ones as you’re ready.
Trust that you know what is good and right for you and that you are constantly learning yourself as you grow.
Listen to your gut!