I am so tired, and yet, my head and heart are so full right now, that I feel like I have to at least get this stuff out of my head and down on "paper."
First off, I decided several weeks ago to slow my business building to a dead stop. Originally, it was because I really felt like the kids were at a place where they needed more of my attention. Then, as I began praying about it, I realized that the Lord has been convicting me for quite some time about how much I don't really trust Him when it comes to money. Maybe it's a lack of trust in my dh also, and that bothers me, too. I know it's wrong to feel like that.
But on top of all of that, I have been feeling called to be more involved in our ministry for quite some time, too. I been sorta just coasting along for the most part, helping people here from time to time, but not really investing in praying for them, or helping them draw closer to the Lord, ya know?
So, this week has been crazy.
1. The ministry decided to send a holiday letter to the churches and to our donors, but all of those had to be printed, folded, stuffed in brochures and delivered to the area churches. So, the kids and I spent a couple of days working on that with some of our sojourners and other staffers.
2. Today is foodbank day, like every Saturday. But as soon as we were done with that, 20+ college students came to help with various volunteer projects that needed to be done on the property; moving some of our sojourners from one apartment to another, painting a couple of rooms, painting some shelving, cleaning the foodbank, etc. And, the staff (including me) had to prepare for and supervise each project. It took us until about 5pm, so it was just a very long day today.
3. A couple of our sojourners have really needed some one-on-one attention this past week, too. Our apartment is right inside the front door of the facility, so my doorbell has been busy all week. I want to be helpful, but I seldom know where to draw the line so that my home doesn't have a revolving door. And my husband is also tired of not happy about there never being a quiet moment. Now, he's never been as quick to let people "in" as I have, but working in this ministry is really pushing his limits. And it's not like I'm not tired and feel like we need a break more often...it's just that I think I look at these "visits" differently, ya know? I mean, many of our sojourners really have no place to go for wise counsel, and many of them also are not very sure how to run to the Lord. It's a tough spot, for sure.
4. And, to top off the week, my dh and son are really having trouble communicating. To be honest, I feel like my son is handling the whole thing much better than dh is. Frustrates the tar out of me!!! So, I don't know what I can do about it. I try way to hard to "fix things," I know. And that's not good. But, it's exhausting, and is just wearing me out. :-/
Well, it feels good to unload a little. 15yos is doing his schooling daily, but there are lots of roadblocks, including the internet being down, and him getting distracted so easily. But I'm convinced that he's going to reach his goals. He doesn't have a choice. :-)
The other two kids are just awesome. One of our sojourners told me this week while I was decorating our front door, that she sees a huge difference in the kids since I decided to take a break from working. She also said that I seem far less stressful, too. I was glad to hear that. To be truthful, I really didn't know how unapproachable I was when I was working so much. Shame on me.
It's late, and I'm struggling with some late night anger towards my dh, so need to spend some time in prayer before sleeping.
Lord, You have been so good to me. My gratitude seems so small considering how great You are. Forgive me for being fearful. Forgive me for getting short tempered and being so prideful. Show me how to make a difference in our home that will matter. I'm trusting You, Jesus.