“Where nerds unite!” -Zero Lives
Ozaku’s Rave Ranger Review
Copyediting by Zero lives
Greetings carbon based lifework! It is I, Ozaku the Rave Ranger. (See PEX) I’ve been scouring the depths of debauchery preparing for my next epic adventure. Join me and my trusty sidekick Carlos Cat Pajamas on a journey of geekdom that not even I the great Ozaku can fully comprehend. Transform and roll out! [Play Ozaku theme song]
There are everyday heroes among us, doctors, lawyers, firefighters, police. Perhaps even that man down the block with all the garden gnomes with their little red hats and pipes…[Ozaku you’re off topic] *ahem* Gnomes are cool. Well maybe not him, but there is another side to many of these people. This is my adventure into the safe walls where everyone lets loose their inner nerd to break down the walls of pure boredom. Doctors in cat ears, lawyers dressed as Power Rangers! Oh how the flashy colors collide! HA-HA! Incredibleness.
After a hard day of security detail, l sat in my room relaxing, pondering the injustices and champions of the day. A snicker came from the bathroom. I ninja rolled towards the door. “Who goes there?” I asked. The door spring open. “SuRpRiSe!!!” I jumped back prepared for a battle. Sadly it was just my simple minded sidekick Carlos Cat Pajamas. Yes indeed, he proudly wore his cat pajama fully equipped with padded feet and cat ear hood for better hearing. “Carlos Cat Pajamas, what are you doing in there?” I asked half knowing I wouldn’t like the answer. “I’ve been drinkin’ for hours Ozaky!” slurred Carlos Cat Pajamas. “It’s time for the rave soon, you should *hicup*cough* get ready,” he added. Three others, just as drunk, came barging through the hotel room door. The lawyer, dressed as Michael Jordan with a sci-fi tool attached to his arm, the student, a Japanese pop artist in overly tight jeans with slicked back hair, and last but not least the EMT, as the plumber, sporting well…classic blue overalls and a red shirt. “Hey!! HEY!!!, you’re Ozaku!” yelled Sci-fi Michael Jordan. He threw a beer at me. “Drink up, now wheres da pizza and popcorn man!?” There was drinking to be done, this was my civic duty to Zero Lives!
We pre-gamed while discussing various matter of the utmost importance. How many intelligent people would it take to cook a bag of popcorn without a microwave oven. I offered the greatest solution. Wire the three lamps together, overcharging the voltage for a short charge of both heat and light with a looped circuit. I could already taste the butter glazed popcorn…The others stared quietly and changed the topic. “Did anyone see the Cosplay burlesque show earlier!?” J-pop suddenly shouted. “She can heal my Pokéballs any day of the week,” he added. The plumber burped. “The booze is gone, it’s rave time!” said the Plumber. It was finally the moment I waited for. I rave suited up. One Hawaiian shirt, one set of gold converse sneakers, one gold tie, and of course my trusty ranger helm. “HI CI YA, HOLD TIGHT!” shouted Carlos Cat Pajamas. I stopped and sighed heavily. “Spice girls man? Seriously?” With that we rolled out.
We entered the elevator. CLANG, CLANG, screeeeeetch, click, click, THUD. The elevator barley made it downstairs; clearly safety was not guaranteed. We entered the hotel’s lower lobby and before me was a glorious sight. Cat girls, much to Carlos Cat Pajama’s delight, ran amok waving glow sticks and neon lights. We handled the situation with great care. “Single file behind me men,” I ordered. “Yes sir!” yelled Carlos from the back. The party readied up. We made our way through the confusion, down a narrow snaking walkway through another hall and in to the main auditorium. The beautiful sounds poured through the door…wub..wub..wub. I grabbed both doors and swung them open widely, hit in the face with a bass cannon. WUBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBB. “Gentlemen, we have arrived,” I said.
It was an alternate dimension from time, space, and earth. The room was filled with so many characters and costumes of things I had never even seen before. A fellow enforcer of justice stopped us. “IDS PLEASE,” he grumbled. In a panic I checked my pockets. Where was my ID? I couldn’t be stopped here I was so close! Carlos Cat Pajamas grinned and held my ID out in front of him. My trusty sidekick had come through again. The room teamed with familiar and strange faces. Sailor moon danced with Megaman, Vash The Stampede argued with people from Street Fighter 2 and Mr. Spock was break dancing on the floor. The bass drops were proving to be too much for my companions. Their eyes were glazed over, jaws open staring at the lights that swirled to the beat. “It’s time to dance guys, cause I feel like a dinosaur in a Hawaiian shirt playing with a model rocket,” I yelled. They didn’t even notice.
The music slowed to a stop and the lights dimmed. Suddenly a man came on stage in a black suit and tie wearing a robot head with a large gold V. A robot was going to be my DJ? It was all too perfect. DJ robot walked over to the controls. With a few clicks and pops the bass dropped. The room erupted in cheers. The team wandered off to dance with Sailor moon and her friends. Sci-fi Michael Jordan had a girl up on his shoulders while she fist pumped.
It’s always amazing to end up at an event like this. It’s a judge free zone where everyone can let loose without any discrimination. Dance how you want, look how you feel, and say what’s on your mind. I’m grateful to Zero Lives for allowing me to write about my experiences here. I wanted to share with the world that even your doctors are the coolest nerds you’ll ever meet. So give everyone a chance, you never know who you’ll meet. See you next time!
The bottom line:
AnimeNEXT is a three day event. It caters to the sci-fi and anime fans of the world. Everyone lets loose and has an amazing time. If you have any inner geekdom and were scared to go, I say GO! It’s got a little of something for everyone!