Uh, yeah, "lest" you get the crazy idea that wolfing down hot dogs and matzo balls is some kinda freak show, the IFOCE is here to set you straight, and to ask you if you're going to finish that.
Frankly, I would have thought that IFOCE would be on temporary hiatus while Revenge Of The Sith is in theaters, but maybe the lines moved fast for them.
Second-fastest. The inadvertent winner is the natural by-product of this goon-fest, competitive shitting. You have any idea what eating 62 hot dogs in five minutes will do to your cloaca? Try passing a Volkswagen through your asshole and tell me that's not a sport, Champ.
This actually does qualify as strange, that slender Asians are world-beating trenchermen, but so what? What kind of fucking loser jerk watches this crap, much less participates in it? Jesus H. Christ, don't you morons have sock drawers to sort out or something?
You know, I'm not a proponent of suicide or anything, but when your life has devolved to such a useless cesspool that you will waste your God-given moments watching some skinny freak (that you would normally sidestep on the street) scarf several dozen hot dogs in a few minutes, it may be time to consider the therapeutic benefits of eating a bullet. Hell, make a competition out of it, see who can eat the most bullets before time runs out. Whatever floats your leaky boat, retard.
Jeebus. So it's really just pro wrestling with nitrates. Sweeeeet. And it seemed at first like it was all about the strategery. I, for one, am shocked.
It goes on, for far too long. Oh, the competitive yearning and striving. Look, you dumb cunt -- if you're such a fierce competitor, why not become competitive at something useful? Huh? Hmmm? Am I supposed to be uplifted by a woman being rescued from the throes of suicidal depression -- by a hot-dog-eating competition? Are you fucking kidding me?
God, does it get worse, and interminably longer. It's like watching grass grow -- mutated, awful, weedy grass. Come-from-behind stories of derring-do that are supposed to be somehow heroic or inspiring -- but they're eating fucking hot dogs! Oy, it makes your head swim just thinking about it. I hope they're so proud of this they televise it on Al Jazeera. Democracy Hot Dog Sexy!
More nuggets of wisdom from this stupid sack of shit:
You know, there is an old saying, from the wonderful Larry Sanders Show, where Larry remarks about somebody as "he'd suck a dick to win a sack race". It's a clever shorthand to refer to someone who is hyper-competitive over things that mean absolutely nothing. Sonya, I'm not at all impressed by your eating "prowess". I couldn't possibly care less if you sucked down 100 hot dogs in two minutes flat. Really. It's eating, stupid.
This whole "Korean gotta be top one" bullshit -- gimme a fuckin' break. Name one thing that Koreans dominate in, besides nail salons in Garden Grove. One thing. This is not to say that they, like many ethnicities, don't have a perfectly fine work ethic. But this broad is positively delusional. Take a quick straw poll of Korean citizens -- Say, would you folks rather have the world's fastest hot dog eater, or the #1 economy? "B", you say? Well, come on! This chick can suck down six dozen hot dogs in ten minutes. Aren't you impressed?
And so forth. This is the epitome of abject, pathetic gluttony, of hopeless losers who should have cultivated a useful and productive talent, but instead are content to gorge themselves in front of throngs of braying retards in wife-beater T-shirts and flag doo-rags. Meanwhile, significant chunks of the human population around the world starve, or are chronically malnourished.
Worse yet, they seriously seem to think they're doing something besides engaging in mere food porn.