I don’t think that I could ignore a problem or issue such as this, and would have to do something about it, to quell the feelings of resentment that would naturally occur. Some things that I would probably try with my partner are things that don’t have sexual intercourse involved but are still intimate, such as massages, cuddling, and other things that involve intimacy, but not sex. I would probably go to see a doctor and make sure that the cause of the dysfunction wasn’t anything physical, such as a medication that I had recently taken or some other medical cause.
If it was determined that it wasn’t a physical cause, I would probably schedule some counseling and continue with the methods that I had been trying on my own, if any. However, the most difficult dysfunction to deal with on behalf of my partner would definitely be erectile dysfunction. It wouldn’t help that there are different ways to have intercourse, with and without penetration, because there is a certain closeness and shared satisfaction that comes from a mutual orgasm, and without achieving the first step of an erection it would definitely be hard to get to that point! I would encourage him at first to try at-home methods, such as more rest, and definitely doing things that were intimate to try to stimulate him naturally. I would also try and use some of the over-the-counter methods such as KY has recently come out with. If those failed to work, I would most likely have him schedule an appointment with a physician to see what steps could be taken to resolve it.
I think sexual aversion would be the most difficult problem to adjust to… I chose this one largely because its the hardest to treat, and typically caused by some serious misconceptions or sexual trauma in the past. Because it’s more psychological, I think it would have more repercussions than some of the others. I also think it could be incredibly damaging to the relationship since often sex is interpreted as your partner, so a low/non-existent desire for sex is no desire for your partner. I think this could cause a lot of problems in the overall intimacy of the relationship.
I would like to say I’d go to a sex therapist or something, but I probably wouldn’t I would likely go to Internet sources or books. For me, it definitely wouldn’t be something that I could ignore, though.
I think sexual aversion would also be really hard to handle if my husband was experiencing it… but I think if he were to have pain during sex, that would also be really hard for me. Obviously it’s supposed to be a pleasurable experience, and seeing him in pain would not be conducive to that. It would also be easy to feel that it was your fault. If my husband was experiencing pain we would probably go to a doctor, since its usually caused by infections or inflammations of some kind. If he was experiencing aversion, we would probably do the same thing as me – books and the Internet.
Just like you, I probably wouldn’t go to a sex therapist. The subject is just too intimate to talk about. I’m squeamish about even bringing it up to the family doctor, and I still have all my clothes on! And as far as having pain during sex, that’s just not natural. No one likes to be in pain, and having pain during sex is definitely something to be concerned about. If it was just an aversion to sex or a problem reaching orgasm, I’d try everything in my power before going to a doctor. But pain? I’d probably be in the doctor’s office the next day, if not sooner. And I wouldn’t by the old “man-argument” that the pain was nothing, either – he’d be in the doctor’s office too!
I think for me the most difficult sexual disorder I could have would be to have erectile dysfunction. Sex is a very big portion of anyone’s life and to not be able to have intercourse would be very difficult. I know that there is a medication that can help with it but I still think it would be difficult to need to take a pill before every sexual encounter.
I understand that there are other ways to express intimacy and that intercourse does not make up the entire part. But I do believe that it is a very important way to be connected to someone.
You’re right in that there are other ways to express intimacy. Sometimes just being near someone, with or without clothes on, expresses intimacy. And there is always kissing, hugging, fondling, etc. But you’re also right in that ED would not be fun to deal with, nor would it be very fun to take a pill before having sex. The thing that really worries me, however, is the side effects from those pills. And the message about having to go to the hospital if the erection lasts longer than four hours is just gross. I sure wouldn’t want to show up at the hospital for that, would you?