Chelsea Handler was on Piers Morgan’s soon-to-be-dead CNN show to whore out her book Uganda Be Kidding Me (which I’m sure will be turned into a feature film produced by Oprah and directed by Steve McQueen), and as people who hate both of those messes said a prayer for CNN to lock the doors from the outside and unleash a thousand Luxes on them, she verbally kicked him in the taint repeatedly. During commercial break, Piers’ face was glued to his phone and he ignored Chelsea, so when they came back she gnawed his ass off with her teeth and handed it to him in front of all his viewers. It was beautiful. The first 45 seconds in the video above is of Chelsea shitting on Piers, but if you’re not into seeing that in moving picture form, here it is in word form only:
Piers – You tweet, very amusingly.
Chelsea – I wish you did.
Piers – Hahahahahahaha…
Chelsea – I mean in the middle of the commercial break…. I want your viewers to know, they must know, because they’re probably following you on Twitter. I mean, you can’t even pay attention for 60 seconds. You’re a terrible interviewer.
Piers – Well you just weren’t keeping my attention.
Chelsea – But, that’s not my problem.
Piers – That is your problem!
Chelsea – This is your show. You have to pay attention to the guests that you invited on your show.
Piers – If they’re interesting enough.
Chelsea – Yeah, listen. It doesn’t matter how interesting I am. You signed up for this job.
Piers – Of course it does!
Chelsea – Well, maybe that’s why your job is coming to an end.
Piers – Ahahahahahaha! Wooooooow.
Chelsea – Wow.
Piers – Don’t want to cross you, do we?
Chelsea – I don’t know, do you?
Piers – I quite like to cross you. I like you when you’re being nasty.
Chelsea has been on Pier’s show before and he has been on her show, and this is kind of they’re thing. They always whip at each other back and forth with words. I think those sick bitches are into it. I bet that after the show, Chelsea put a chain link collar on Piers and dragged him back to the dungeon behind a hidden door in his dressing room. She tied him to a wooden rack, put a ball gag in his mouth and in between smoking vodka out of a vaporizer (it’s less calories, thankyouverymuch), she called him a piece of shit, a loser, a terrible interview, etc… etc… Then she spit on his face and called his assistant to untie him. He falls a little more in love with her every time she curses him out. It’s like Fifty Shades of Ugh.
When Piers says that he likes it when Chelsea’s nasty, I could feel his nipples get hard. Yes, feeling Pier’s nipples get hard feels a lot like the feeling you felt while watching Justin and Selena’s dirty dance of infinite love.