Title: 1-2-3 Okay, Everybody Change!
An LGBT comedy set in 1999, this book is aimed at an adult audience, and has frequent sexual references, although it is not overly explicit.
Author: Helen Dunn
Disclaimer: This novel is meant to be nothing more than an exaggerated comedy – and should in no way be considered a true reflection of transgendered, gay or lesbian people in any way. Or for that matter: doctors, lawyers, religious leaders, pornographers or cats!
It looks to be a gay ol’ time at the Cherub’s Cheeks Club featuring a lesbian amateur strip contest and a hunky pro dancer who calls himself Roman Candle.
Surgical genius and female medical student at the Frankenstein College of Medicine and Trivia, French Toast stole some male parts and attached them to her friend, Loretta Periwinkle, enabling her to become a male stripper calling himself Roman Candle. Now someone has put out a hit on Roman Candle!
When the hit goes awry, everything’s up in the air including Roman’s private parts.
However, that’s just the beginning for this cast of characters:
There’s also French’s teacher and lover – Dr. Patsy Petite – an overly proud sex pioneer and multi-talented woman with a lot on her plate.
George & Martha Miller, French’s neighbors, discover concealed cameras can capture a lot of interesting things and blackmail can fluff out one’s bank account as well.
Melba Toast – suburban mother and hit woman – might be just a little too fond of her gun.
Self-serving Bishop, Kilroy Periwinkle, who goes into an altered state during his severe migraines is trying to get Governor Jimmy-Bob Doop re-elected.
When the Governor has a freakish accident at the hands of the Bishop it leads to some very unconventional surgery done on him by Dr. Patsy Petite, which affects his personality.
Everybody’s either made some changes or will be making some changes – sometimes in gender, sometimes in personality and sometimes even what species they are!
Set in 1999
Dealing with the parents
Striding authoritatively up the walkway to Melba Toast’s home, Dr. Patsy Petite, surgeon, veterinarian, teacher, and self-proclaimed sex pioneer, felt ready for the inevitable fight she felt certain lay ahead for her.
At her side was her favorite and most promising first year medical student, French Toast. Frenchie had been playing doctor since the time she could toddle – trotting about with a stethoscope plugged into her ears, and a rectal thermometer in her pocket ready for use; a born doctor if ever there was one!
Although French was eighteen, she still lived at home with her mother, a single parent, and so it was thought it might be best if they asked permission or at least let her mother know, before she accompanied Dr. Petite to the Strippers and Amateurs Night at the Cherub’s Cheeks Club.
Patsy had been rehearsing the argument inside her head on the walk over from the Frankenstein College of Medicine and Trivia which was combined with the Frankenstein Hospital and Medical Center. In her mind’s eye she was seeing Melba Toast, her red hair flaming brighter than usual, harshly proclaiming: ‘Frenchie will not be attending any nudie shows with a nutjob like you!’
“Your daughter, French, requires some additional education outside the classroom.” Dr. Petite actually spoke the line aloud as she continued playing out the dialogue inside her head.
A good thorough sex education was of the utmost importance in Patsy’s opinion, you couldn’t know or experience too much when it came to sex. God knew she had been hammering away at the system long enough as a teacher and doctor to realize how much that could change the face of things!
She was quite proud of the sexology class she had managed to establish at the local college and public school and which she hoped to establish as well in hospital nurseries for newborns. You couldn’t start something this important too soon. The things she could teach those fresh, untouched minds! In many ways it was truly a humanitarian effort that she would have done for nothing and she often felt like a pioneer blazing the trail for others.
If only her hands weren’t so tied when it came to sex education, she thought with frustration. Although actually, if she was honest with herself, she supposed she was lucky she still had her teaching job at the Frankenstein School of Medicine and Trivia after last semester’s fiasco.
Some of the students’ parents had been completely up in arms over the fact she had used her own body as a classroom illustration. Why? She had the perfect equipment for teaching everything any student could possibly want to know about the female anatomy. It certainly beat the old diagrams of Tab A being inserted into Slot B, Patsy thought.
“Mom didn’t complain last week when I brought home that sex toy as part of my homework assignment.” French said hopefully to Dr. Petite. “In fact, I think she’s gotten more use out of it than I have. Maybe things will go okay.”
She hoped her mom at least wouldn’t pull out the pistol she had concealed in an upper thigh holster, like she had done with that pushy door to door salesman just last week. That might rattle the good professor a bit too much.
“Well!” Patsy proclaimed, “It’s time!” She paused for a moment in front of the Toast house before flouncing onto the porch, twisting her ample ass even more than usual in the skintight spandex, leopard print bicycle shorts she was wearing.
“Mother!” French called, opening the door and coming into the somewhat garishly decorated Toast living room with its red velvet couch, pink wing chairs and day-glo green curtains.
“I’m home and Dr. Petite is with me.” French announced.
Buttoning her blouse and tossing a dildo over her right shoulder into the bedroom behind her, flame haired Melba Toast came sauntering into the living room to greet her daughter and guest.
“I’ve got homework to do.” French said suddenly and abruptly exited the room, not waiting to hear the exchange between Dr. Petite and her mother, which as it turned out, was rather brief once a rambling Patsy Petite was finally interrupted by Melba who, realizing at last what she was trying to ask, replied nonchalantly: “Okay by me.”
Dr. Petite was left stuttering and stammering for a moment or two: “Re – real – really?” Patsy said, her blue eyes opening very wide as she leaned slightly forward towards Melba Toast and blinked several times in disbelief. “I have your full permission to take Frenchie to the strip show at Cherub Cheeks?”
“Sure.” Melba answered. “Have fun. I may drop by later myself.”
“Well! If you’re sure that’s the way you feel about it!” Patsy proclaimed indignantly and then realizing she did not need to argue with anyone, gave a foolish grin.
“Well, uh, well then…” Patsy fumbled for something to say – and came up empty-handed – never having had a similar conversation about such a matter before. Finally muttering something like a goodbye, she stumbled out the door.
Want to read more increasingly raunchy and outrageous antics by some truly wacky characters?
1-2-3 Okay Everybody Change! is available as an e-book only at amazon. http://www.amazon.com/dp/B006NGUY10
Print edition: https://www.createspace.com/3756823