What is an open marriage? This is the very first question that you would ask yourself when you hear the term open marriage or open relationship. An open marriage is a marriage where both the partners in marriage mutually agree to engage freely in extramarital sexual relations with different people. Though the term is not only confined to the independence of sexual life, it is also associated with the independence of the social life. Though, the idea of open marriage can be tempting but there are many other matters associated with it like commitments, protection, securities, jealousy, etc., which needs to be discussed beforehand before you go for open marriage with your partner. It is most important aspect as when these issues are not discussed beforehand and are raised after one has agreed to for an open marriage; such a marriage may get into trouble.
What are Open marriages?
We have briefly discussed what open marriages are about. The next step needs to be followed gathering the facts and other relevant information with respect to open marriages. Though, there is ample of information about open marriages available on the internet, and you can also take the help of the books written on this. Why should you be doing this research? Because, if you are planning to get into an open marriage, you need to focus on all the angles that are involved as to make an open marriage work. A lot of efforts and commitment is required from both the partners in such a marriage. The study will help you to know the different aspects of the open marriage and thus will give you time to make a plan to tackle the situations that you may face in such marriage. Also, while doing the research, case studies are important as people who already have the experience of being in an open marriage will help you to know the positive as well as the negative aspects of open marriage. Men and women have different aspects of open marriages
Rules of the open marriages
We all know that to make a marriage work, there are some set of rules, few of them are universal for the couples across the globe, while few rules are specific for the couples depending upon their upbringing and habits. Open marriages are subject to more set of rules as you do not want to lose your better half for one-time pleasure you may want to indulge in. It’s not always related to the sexual relationship that you are going to have with other while you are in the open marriage; it is about the trust that you and your partner can have on each other. Men and women differ with each other when it comes to both physical and emotional needs. Thus, two of you need to make the set of open marriage rules as per your requirements. You do not have to compromise your needs or desires, but then you need to be very clear with your rules. Discussing rules with your partner is the most important aspect of the open marriage. Only when you both agree with the rules that you have made mutually, you should go to the next step. While in the open marriage, you meet the different type of people for whom you may want to change some of your rules. However, before doing that discuss the changes with your marriage partner and when you both agree to the changes in the rules you can go further.
Do open marriages work?
Obviously, they work only if you know how to make them work. The next aspect of the open marriage is protection. Protecting yourself is probably the most important aspect of the open marriages. You should not indulge in any pleasure while compromising your health or your body. While indulging in the sexual relationship with different people, you are at the risk of getting infected with sexually transmitted diseases. This is because you may not know the sexual history of your partner. He or she may be your long-time friend or just any other guy or girl you would just met at the club. So, always arm yourself with over the counter products available to take every possible step of protection. Good quality condoms are must keep with you if you are planning to go out with someone. Females should always get vaccines like HPV as it will help them in protecting against genital warts as well as cervical infections. Apart from the protection against sexual diseases, there are many other things involved. Females are always advised to carry a small knife or pepper spray for protection against sudden attacks. Sometimes people whom you have not known for long can have the potential to harm you as you should not trust every other person you meet.
If you were going on a date with someone, make sure that your partner knows the place or your location every time. If possible, brief your friend about the details of the person who is going to accompany you. If your plans are sudden, make sure you stay nearby to your friends so that they can contact you in case of emergency. It is also wise not to disclose your personal as well as financial details to your acquaintance, and you also try to keep your cash and cards hidden for your safety.
Pains in open marriage
Open marriage can be difficult to deal with. There are lots of insecurities and other problems that couples may face while being in an open marriage. The issues like jealousy and rule breaking are common with couples in open marriages. Sometimes you may not want to agree with certain rules that your partner is following, in that case, make sure that you discuss your insecurities and let your partner know about them. This is because you may not want to lose your partner for someone who does not hold an important position in your life. You do not have to outflow your expenses in an inappropriate proportion while paying for the dates and hotel expenses.
Jealousy in open marriage
Till now we have discussed various aspects of open marriage. What are the issues involved and how you can make it work. Now, we come to a point that can lead to problems in your open marriage. Jealousy is the main factor with which you may get into trouble in an open marriage. Studies have shown that jealousy is the main reason for failed open marriages. Jealousy comes in when you feel that your partner is going on the date with someone who is more attractive or more worthy than you. Make sure to keep the jealousy factor out of your feelings and understand the needs of your partner as you two have mutually agreed for an open marriage. Also, it is important that you and your partner should discuss the various options available. You can choose to go on a date with your friend, office colleague, or any other person whom you like but make sure your partner is comfortable with the fact that you are going on a date with so and so. Also, keep your personal life away from the lifestyle that you follow while being in the open marriage. Obviously, you would not want disturbances in your personal life like unexpected calls at odd timings, showering of gifts and flowers, etc., as all these things can shake the foundation of your marriage.
Do open marriages are easy to follow?
Yes, open marriages work when you to take right steps at the right time. While trust and honesty are the foundation of any relationship, they are the stepping stones for the successful open marriage. Always remember that nothing can be more important than your marriage or your life partner. So, be considerate while following your open marriage rules. Sometimes, you need to disclose details of your date or your night out party to your partner. It may also happen that you may encounter questions from your better half regarding your experiences related to open marriage. Try not to make your partner feel uncomfortable and tell the details truthfully. The moment you start lying to your partner, you may be inching towards the trouble in your married life. Also, to avoid such situations, discuss the rules elaborately with each and every detail agreed to by both of you. This will help in avoiding the fights afterwards. This is the way that you can maintain the trust in your relationship even while practising the open marriages. To avoid hated arguments afterwards, better have a debate on the rules set by you before you go on a prowl.
All about the needs of you and your partner
It may occur in your mind – why do I or my partner needs to go for an open marriage? You can ask this question to yourself or your partner. So be ready with a whole-hearted answer. What are your needs that are not getting fulfilled through the marriage and how it can be fulfilled? Does open marriage is the only answer that can give you the happiness that you’re are searching for. Next step is the needs of your partner. Feel comfortable to discuss these questions with your partner – what are his/ her needs and how they can be fulfilled through this marriage. Do not flinch or squirm on the answers that you may hear – these can be honest answers that can spare you the pain later in life. Along with that be honest with your answers. Always remember, open marriage is not an easy relationship to handle. It requires much more effort than a simple marriage. Thus, being honest and truthful with your partner and yourself is as important as fulfilling your needs and desires.
Pressure from the Society.
If you go for open marriage counselling tips, you may hear different reasons as why you should keep your decision under covers or may be why not. Here also, the decision is entirely yours. It all depends on how the society or the people with whom you socialize percieve your decision of entering into an open marriage and how do they respond to it. It is very often dependent on the type of society in which you live in. In some parts of the world, people readily accept the open marriages and respect the freedom that couples chose to fulfill their desires. Whereas, you may also face harsh criticism for your decision for entering into polygamy or the open marriage. Inform your family members first, if they give consent for it, then you go for it. Else, you can convince them as why entering into an open marriage is so important for you.
Family comes first
Family ranks above all of your needs that you are trying to complete through open marriage. If you and your partner have kids, then you have to be very cautious before and after entering into an open marriage. First, start by keeping kids away from these talks. The talks about multiple partners are certainly not good for them in young age. If you have decided to keep your open marriage a secret, hidden from the society then you should not use your home as the hotel room or the date place. This is because, at some or the other point of time, kids will have their questions out of curiosity after seeing different men and women coming in and going out of the house. You cannot lie to them at every time. Once they are grown up adults, they will understand the truth of your open marriage.
Celebrities with open marriages
We may sometimes feel that open marriages are not so common, but we may be wrong. There is a large number of examples where we can see that couples are engaged in open marriages or open relationships and are living happy married life also. These couples can be our role models from the film industry or the sports field or from anywhere. We came to know about their open marriages as they are celebrities, and their personal details are also easily available to us. Examples of the couples enjoying open marriages can be seen among the movie stars, socialites and sports stars among various others. Having being discussed the complete journey of open marriage you should now know the positives as well as the negatives of the open marriages and also what all is at stake when you go into the relationship of open marriage.
Putting an end to open marriage
After going to a distance in an open marriage, a partner may feel that he or she may no-longer wants it. This can also happen when the trust of the partners break, and they feel that the cheating factor has come into their marriage. There can be other reasons for ending the open marriage like the satisfaction of the partners, family restrictions or many others. Now, outing an end to open marriage does not mean the end to your marriage. When you two have mutually and happily agreed to end the open marriage, it simply means that you do not have to look outside for your sexual as well as social satisfaction. There may also come a point where you may want to end the open marriage, but your partner may like to continue it. In this case, you have to face the resentment that your partner will have and respect the honesty in your relationship. Respect the fact that he or she may not now have the needs or require an open marriage to fulfil their happiness.
Thus, the complete journey of open marriage is dependent on two pillars – trust and honesty among the partners involved along with the respect and understanding of each other’s feelings along with their requirements.