Andrew Largeman: Hey Albert
Andrew Largeman: Good luck exploring the infinite abyss.
Albert: Thank you, and Hey, you too.
From: Garden State
I love that movie. It came out at a time when I was exploring being separated & what it felt like to start over. For those who haven't seen it, Andrew Largeman, played by Zach Braff (whom (thx BD) I love), sort of wakes up from the stupor of his life. I like to think that I woke up too. The scene where this dialogue takes place is on the edge of a quarry--The edge of what?? I like the imagery. About a third of the way down is a very old boat that a couple lives in. Albert's Quarry. I go back to that movie a lot as I experience my own awakenings. I especially like the quote above as I feel that often I have to explore the "infinite abyss" of my emotions & where I'm headed & what I want especially when it concerns meeting someone who will enhance my life. So what this all means is that I had an abyss moment on Thursday when I almost left the bull's apartment & drove home at about 11:30 at night. I am still seething about New Year's & I was feeling miles apart from the bull (no pun intended) & he wasn't doing much to close the gap--heh. I was feeling frustrated that I'm always at arm's length & I still am.
Earlier in the evening we had been to the wonderful party I mentioned in another post. It was great--we had a good time together as usual. My mom mentions to me how much the bull seems attentive to me, & how his body language shows how much he's into me. It confuses her because of the situation our relationship is in. How can he be so much a part of me & so involved as he is & still hold me so far away? That was why I almost left. He convinced me not to, but as I explored the abyss, I decided a few things: namely that I can't continue to expect anything more from him right now & that I have to accept this, stop analyzing it, or decide that having a good time with the bull isn't worth it anymore & TRULY MOVE ON... My decision will most probably come after the holidays when things get back to normal. I also think that this is a reaction to the whole holiday stress too so I need to wait.
The other abyss is the dating one. I cancelled a couple of my online services because I'm not finding anyone. I have a few guys calling and/or emailing but there seems to be a real lack of dating material at the moment. Maybe it's the economy or the season--but there is a real dearth of available men--at least ones that I like. One of my friends & I may try a speed-dating experiment just to liven things up.
Update: As of right now I am spending New Year's with my family--my sister will be in & I'm looking forward to spending time with her so maybe a bull-less NY is a good one after all.