SIX CRITICAL PRINCIPLES OF PARENTING
Developed by Dr. Sylvia Rimm, author of See Jane Win
1) Teach healthy competition. This refers to the title, See Jane Win, and how the women in the book mentioned most frequently, as a positive experience, winning in competition to contributing to their high self-esteem. "What we have to teach girls is the excitement, exhilaration, motivation of winning, but the resilience of dealing with failing experiences. You can't win all the time. We have to let them lose and recover from losses."
2) Teach girls how to be smart. Smart doesn't necessarily mean girls have to get all A's. There are all kinds of smarts: common sense, humorous, creative. If we can help kids realize that there are many ways they can feel smart, that frees them up. Reading is also so important. "It opens up the whole world. Even growing up, I knew there was another world beyond my circumstances," admitted Oprah.
3) Encourage math. Dr. Rimm deeply believes, math is an important threshold subject. It opens up opportunities in business, science, medicine, computers and engineering. Math is the opener. Any mom, even if she's not comfortable with math herself, can encourage their daughter to be comfortable with math.
4) De-emphasize appearance and popularity. This is about perspective. If appearance is everything, we forget about the whole child. As Dr. Rimm asserts, "The whole child is smart, is strong." A girl who believes her self-esteem depends on being admired makes her dependent, and we need them to be independent. Being popular means to conform with whatever the popular norm is. In some schools that's okay, but in some schools that means the worst drinking and drug parties.
5) Be a coach, not a judge. Don't punish. Problem solve; even though it can seem so time consuming, as Oprah said. Dr. Rimm suggests that parents not ground their children. Parents don't have to take away social privileges. Instead, set limits. The belief that you'll do the right thing is what will make the difference. Kids will have this inner sense that parents are coaches, that they're on their side in an alliance, which permits them to have that inner motivation that gives them that extra boost. Also, referential speaking helps. In other words, if you can say to someone else that your daughter is doing well, that really builds her confidence.
6) Fulfill your own
dreams. If you haven't fulfilled your own dreams, how can you expect your daughter to