Overcomes Nature

I'm from a small trailer park in Alaska and live off the land; hunting moose for food when I lose enough weight to see my feet and scrounging icicles off the back of pickups to drink when the coors runs out. Normally a shirt like this would be right up my alley. It shows people that I'm a devilishly handsome looker that runs with a pack(I bought all my homies matching shirts) that has my back as long as they're not passed out on the futon. This shirt, however, has severely impacted my subsistence lifestyle. Come hunting season I usually go out with my buddies, my remington 7mm, and as much coors as the boat has room for, and sail out to a little cabin(yes, it's a sailboat until my mom decides to fix the motor). My bros and I usually hang out, down a couple brewskis, and shoot at anything that moves. Normally I don't get much(okay, I've never actually got anything) but directly after donning the three wolf moon shirt, moose began approaching my cabin from all directions and dropping dead at my feet. Because of this, I've been too busy butchering moose to slam down any coors and my bros(they don't like work) left when the first moose fell. I write this, rendered helpless at my cabin(okay, my mom's cabin), to warn all TRUE hunters to beware the power of the three wolf moon shirt. This shirt ruins the hunting experience.With much grief,Tres lobo luna