The Role of “Relational Reflexivity” in Family Relationships: a Case Study on the Example of Two Young Couples

This paper analyzes the dynamics of the relationship of spouses and reveals the role of “relational reflexivity” on the example of interviews with two young families conducted in 2019 and 2021. The study based on the assumption that relational reflexivity plays a significant role in the stability of family relationships: its presence can strengthen them, and its absence can lead to a crisis in the family or to divorce. According on the results of comparing the narratives of two couples, changes in relational reflexivity in each family over time. We trace these changes through the analysis of the respondents’ narratives which we will explain through the category’s relational reflexivity — “self-detachment” and “relational steering” which create a “sense of us” using the methodology of the already existing research in the field of family sociology researchers Donati, Moscatelli, Ferrari, Paris, etc. In their work, the researchers rely on relational theory of sociologists Donati and Archer and argue that for the emergence of “relational reflexivity” in the family, it is necessary to take into account two states of individuals in a pair — “ability to manage relationships” (relational steering) and “distance from oneself” (self-detachment), which allow relationships to be resilient to the hardships of family life by constructing a “we-relation”. Thus, the strength of an alliance may depend on the response to external circumstances, how decisions are made and how destabilizing situations are resolved. The opposite of “relational reflexivity” can be “individualism”. In Archer and Donati's logic of reflexive relations, individualism has similarities with “autonomous reflexivity”, for which it is important to focus on “I” and not “We”. Thus, excessive individualism in a couple can create precedents for ignoring the joint difficulties that arise in the life of each partner, and create difficulties in managing relationships, which in the future can lead to a crisis in the family and affect the joint future.