“He’s Agonal”: An Insider’s Look into the Impact of Moral Injury Suffered While Policing on the Westside of Chicago

In this study, I seek to contribute to the literature on self-change and moral injury by providing an autoethnographic account of the processes through which I incurred “moral injury” while giving first aid to gunshot victims as a police officer on the Westside of Chicago. In particular, I aim to address the causes and consequences of failing to find a new identity that would allow me to adjust to repeated trauma. The second aim focuses on illustrating why many police officers working in extremely violent neighborhoods tend to disassociate from victims and potential victims. The analysis of the narratives I present on providing first aid to shooting victims shows that my religiously based moral norms were particularly transgressed by several key mechanisms. In the conclusion, I discuss how future research on moral injury can benefit from incorporating the theory of self-change. I also encourage future research on moral injury to focus on police officers working in extremely violent neighborhoods and consider using autoethnographic methods to pursue such research.