[speaker001:] okay well Carolyn the uh one of the main things I'd like like to know is uh how do you feel about the knowing about the environment of a nursing home before you would send someone there to live and so forth what do you think would be required and so forth
[speaker002:] well uh I'll tell you I I watched what went on um with the Twenty Twenty show I don't know if you saw that a few days ago that that talked about nursing homes and actually they specifically talked about some in the area where I am here in Texas and
[speaker001:] oh you knew of the homes then you knew of the homes themselves
[speaker002:] pardon well I no I'm not familiar with those homes per se but um they were in the area where I live
[speaker001:] uh-huh oh okay
[speaker002:] um and it was really revealing to see some of the you know the things that go on I guess in some of these homes so I would definitely you know want to really check things out and uh go I guess that the big thing would be once you got someone in a home like that to to make sure that you went daily you know and made sure that they were cared for and
[speaker001:] yeah well from your point of view how would you feel about actually sending someone that that's you know means something to you to one of those homes I realize that you indicated you wanted to check out as much as you can about it and of course that makes sense but
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] how do you think they would feel I should say about moving from where they have lived most of their life into a whole new new home situation
[speaker002:] well actually I have that kind of situation because my mother lives with me and she's eighty seven
[speaker001:] uh-huh oh okay
[speaker002:] and uh from the time that we were tiny she said you know I want you to promise that you'll never put me in a rest home
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] so I know how she feels about it you know if I uh if I ever had to put her there I think uh it would be probably when I just could not handle it any more you know if I
[speaker001:] yes uh-huh
[speaker002:] she got to the point where she was totally bedridden and and I mean I just didn't have the skills or the strength to lift her or whatever it needed I think that would be the
[speaker001:] well how do you find that your your personal relationship is with her know that you're both together all the time and you are having to do a lot more for her than normal does that does that cause any problems between the two of you
[speaker002:] uh I wouldn't say any more than usual
[speaker001:] uh-huh is she
[speaker002:] I think it's very hard for her um to be waited upon so to speak I mean I think it's hard for her to have that role of not being able to do as much as she used to
[speaker001:] it's hard to accept the fact that you're unable to pursue life at the level that you did before isn't it
[speaker002:] yeah I think that's very true
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] um on the other hand it takes on almost a a switch of a mother child relationship
[speaker001:] it is different I had that almost similar situation my mother lives in an apartment with my sister
[speaker002:] uh oh
[speaker001:] and uh so I except for the three or four months this summer that's the only time I ever spent with my mother and of course since I see her only once or twice a year I was just thrilled to have her here with me and I spent every minute I could to be with her and uh cooking foods for her you know just to make her her life as though she were on vacation
[speaker002:] uh-huh uh-huh
[speaker001:] but somehow another it that doesn't work between my mom and my sister and they they find they they are in speaking they I don't know my mother feels uncomfortable around my sister and my sister's uncomfortable because her mother's there and I guess it's just because they're there all the time
[speaker002:] uh-huh yeah
[speaker001:] so it's it puts has put pressure on both of them from that point of view so that's that's kind of bad news and by the same token my wife's mother is now moved into a nursing home and after all she has been a farmer's wife for sixty years and now all of a sudden she's had to move off of her farm into another home where the environment is totally different
[speaker002:] um uh-huh
[speaker001:] she's relatively happy but she doesn't like the food and when she complains about the food then everybody gets angry with her so that's another one of those things you have to solve
[speaker002:] huh uh-huh yeah  well that's got to be a big adjustment for someone that's as you say lived on a farm for sixty years and then go to something like that
[speaker001:] yeah after all their their life is so totally different because in those early days the food they had to make it from scratch so to speak I mean you raised your own chickens and you killed your own hogs I suppose and then they they had to store the meat in uh
[speaker002:] uh-huh yeah
[speaker001:] I don't want to say barns but they had regular little places they they would hang it you know to cure it and so forth and
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and now all of a sudden it uh comes in differently it tastes differently
[speaker002:] that's right yeah