[speaker001:] I haven't had to put anyone in a nursing home but we came close have you had that experience yet
[speaker002:] no I haven't either but a lot of my friends and actually my boss had to put his mother in a nursing home and I know just going through it with him I mean it's a real traumatic experience
[speaker001:] um-hum that's for sure yeah
[speaker002:] first just even deciding to do it and then I think feeling guilty after you know that it needs to be done you know
[speaker001:] um-hum um-hum uh yeah I had a a good friend who just did it and and my boss too
[speaker002:] oh really
[speaker001:] yeah and uh and uh well both his parents were sick not doing well went to take care of one and then one of them died and then it was
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] what do you do with the other person it's particularly hard if they live away
[speaker002:] okay that's what I was just going to say if they're out of state you know it's different if they're in the same town I think you have a little more chance to look out for them but
[speaker001:] um-hum yeah
[speaker002:] then too if you work you know you get there has to be somebody there
[speaker001:] well that's a problem and I uh my grandmother was ninety two ninety three when she died and she was able to stay in her apartment but the but the cost of that was unbelievable to have the nurses now I don't know that it would have been any better in a nursing home but at that point
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] it was you know uh she was old enough that it was like that's where she she wanted to die was where she was not to
[speaker002:] uh-huh oh oh you mean not staying at home you mean and not yeah yeah
[speaker001:] staying at home yeah not going somewhere else I think it's harder if they if they're younger but need a lot of care
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] you know at ninety that's one thing at at sixty or seventy it's something else and yet
[speaker002:] no yeah well that's just it because I mean jeez they've got probably probably good twenty years to live you know some some cases if they're healthy you know
[speaker001:] right right right exactly and if the and and yet if the care is just is just so hard then that's you know that's really hard and I don't know what you know what the different things that you would look for I mean obviously uh you want it to be clean you know
[speaker002:] it would be clean yeah
[speaker001:] clean and that that it's got a good reputation as far as health et cetera but then atmosphere seems like would make so much difference
[speaker002:] I know and to make sure that there's enough people there to keep everybody like that can you know to be involved instead of just leaving them sit in their rooms you know
[speaker001:] yes that that's the picture you always see of people just sitting in the halls
[speaker002:] um-hum yeah
[speaker001:] oh
[speaker002:] in fact I used to date a guy that reminds me when I was back in Minneapolis but his mother I mean he had she ended up I guess getting it Alzheimer's what they now call Alzheimer's yeah
[speaker001:] Alzheimer yeah
[speaker002:] but to begin with you know when they first I mean she would know us you know and we'd go to visit her but then it would get you know like she didn't really know she didn't know me and then she thought he was a brother you know and it just got steadily worse you know
[speaker001:] uh-huh yeah well I that's the thing I mean when it's something like that I I think it particularly if it's something like that and they really don't know where they are
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] it doesn't feel I would think that would be easier than someone who really does know and is saying I don't
[speaker002:] and has been independent all their lives and then all of a sudden you know
[speaker001:] exactly and I you know I don't I don't want to go kind of thing but the other side of it is that my grandmother moved out of her home and into an apartment of elderly people but it is was not a nursing home and that's where she died but she lived there for ten or twelve years
[speaker002:] um um-hum um
[speaker001:] and she did she really went through uh like a depression for about a year moving out of her home but then she said
[speaker002:] just getting used to it oh
[speaker001:] well she says course this is so wonderful because all I have to do is open my door you know go out the hall and down stairs to the place to eat or down stairs to the lobby and there're people there
[speaker002:] uh-huh oh uh-huh
[speaker001:] which in her home you know there weren't I mean the logistics of it become so difficult that she said I've I've really made some friends and that feels good so that's the other side of it is
[speaker002:] well that yeah would definitely be a positive part because they'd be around more people and would be easier for them to get out and to see those people I guess
[speaker001:] um-hum um-hum yeah but but it's just that you know how do you I guess unless you visit a lot and unexpectedly and assuming that you can visit unexpectedly
[speaker002:] well I would think that you ought to be in fact I was going to say that I would go at different times of the day not only when they're expecting you to come
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] you know just to see how you know at different times of the day what they do and how they treat them you know
[speaker001:] exactly and how everything looks and and then and then the other thing is really listen to what they say because and that's another hard thing uh you know if the as people get older we we all seem to uh fuss just a little bit more about everything so then the question is is the fussing legitimate or not
[speaker002:] um-hum or is it just because yeah they're having such a hard time adjusting you know
[speaker001:] uh-huh so they'll tell you well she says she doesn't like the food but you should see her plate you know or some
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] so then you I guess you'd have to be there to be sure that that's