[speaker002:] um what is your experience been with like do you have elderly relatives that live with you or have lived with your parents or something like that
[speaker001:] no um my husband has a grandmother in a nursing home and that has been a real mess to say the least
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] but uh they keep seem to keep moving her in and out of different ones that they had just got done moving her uh into another one because the one she was in they gave her some medication she was definitely allergic to and almost killed her
[speaker002:] oh gosh
[speaker001:] and and and it was posted you know above her bed not to give her penicillin
[speaker002:] and they gave gave it to her anyway
[speaker001:] but but they gave it to her anyway and just she just about died
[speaker002:] we had my grandfather had Alzheimer's Alzheimer's disease and my grandmother kept him at home as long as she could
[speaker001:] hm yeah
[speaker002:] actually my parents and my uncle and aunt who tried to convince them to go into like an old age community where he could have gotten care
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] and she could've had help with somebody cleaning and things like that and she refused she she just didn't want to do it she felt I I don't know maybe too much guilt or something
[speaker001:] yeah yeah yeah I I I don't I don't feel he uh my husband's grandmother is that bad off and they they offered you know to get to hire you know an a roommate or uh or a part time nurse and she just wouldn't have it at all
[speaker002:] uh-huh and so eventually they were forced to put her
[speaker001:] they they were forced to put her in a nursing home
[speaker002:] yes well my grandfather he eventually completely lost
[speaker001:] yeah um-hum
[speaker002:] control type of things I I mean I don't know if he ever really got violent but they put him in a nursing home and actually the problem that they had with him was more with the hospital the the nursing home you know some day he had a fever or something so they sent him to a hospital which is what they think to routinely do which I think is ridiculous too
[speaker001:] yeah yeah
[speaker002:] you know because they might not be really be sick and at the hospital they um did an electrocardiogram
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and decided that he had a heart problem and you know here he was
[speaker001:] oh my
[speaker002:] very old he had Alzheimer's he'd been like a vegetable for a year and the hospital said oh we have to put in a pacemaker and you know wanted to prove approval for it and all this sort of stuff and eventually
[speaker001:] yeah oh oh boy
[speaker002:] you know the whole family is in an uproar discussing it and some of the kids said well they yeah they should do it and others you know said it's ridiculous this man whose body finally wants to die just let him die and um
[speaker001:] oh yes
[speaker002:] eventually the at the hospital they said no to the doctor and they found out it wasn't even his electrocardiogram that there was some other patient you know by the time he'd been sent back to the nursing home and
[speaker001:] yeah oh my gosh
[speaker002:] under care there
[speaker001:] it tears apart families it really it it it just the biggest fights
[speaker002:] but oh
[speaker001:] just it it it's because of that I mean that that will divide you divide brothers and sisters quicker than anything its
[speaker002:] it's horrible sometimes you just can't keep the person at home they're just know
[speaker001:] oh that's true but but the the nursing home situation is such a is such a pitiful situation I mean if you just if you go every time we go visit her it's just it's just gut wrenching to me
[speaker002:] oh I felt went to visit my grandfather one time in the nursing home and I said never again I said I just can't go
[speaker001:] I I can't I I I can't hardly handle it myself
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and uh it's it's
[speaker002:] but I had a cousin of mine that was in a different nursing home which was sort of nicer you know and until really close to the end she was able to go out and take walks and things and they took her outside and in some ways I think it might have even
[speaker001:] um-hum
[speaker002:] been better or I I say say cousin's like my grandmother's cousin but I had been really close to her and in some ways I think for her might have even been better because she used to live in
[speaker001:] uh-huh yeah
[speaker002:] an area that when she moved down there was mostly elderly people well not
[speaker001:] oh really
[speaker002:] you know it was like a community of apartments that were mostly elderly when she moved there she might have been like sixty it wasn't you know ancient but you know older and then that community for some reason started getting the apartments were fairly low income I guess
[speaker001:] yeah yeah
[speaker002:] and started being bought out by families and things and she started having fewer and fewer friends
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and people just she she she she used to say to me when at when she was ninety two or something at the time say
[speaker001:] oh my
[speaker002:] um you know I just I all my friends have died off I have nothing to do I'm bored you know I walk over to the store I walk back someone comes and picks me up and brings me to the community and so when she went to a nursing home
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] in the beginning I think she kind of liked it she did art work there she did it was almost a progressive type nursing home
[speaker001:] yeah well if you're not in real bad shape it's it's you know a retirement a retirement home is is is a good idea for somebody like that but uh if you've got a lot of health problems
[speaker002:] uh-huh yeah then you just can't get better
[speaker001:] it it it's just it's a mess it's just a big huge mess because because my husband's grandmother has a lot of health problems
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and uh and his like his other parents grandparents on his other side both were in a nursing home and his grandmother his other grandmother his dad's mother finally went into a coma and she was in a coma for almost two years in a nursing before before she passed away and that that was awful
[speaker002:] uh-huh well I'm sure
[speaker001:] and and um
[speaker002:] does the medical care in nursing homes is typically less than
[speaker001:] pitiful it it it's it's
[speaker002:] in but are they supposed to give as much
[speaker001:] well well well what what they do is is they're supposed to monitor them but they don't monitor them very well at all
[speaker002:] home care you know
[speaker001:] I mean that that's the problem uh his grandmother that's in it now she had a stroke and they didn't catch it for three days if you can imagine such a thing
[speaker002:] jeez
[speaker001:] so that so then that she that was when she got moved from the first one to the second one where she was given penicillin
[speaker002:] uh-huh of the second one
[speaker001:] at the second one an d now she's at the third one so it's it it it it's been a really bad situation but I have but that's all I hear about nursing homes is bad situations
[speaker002:] oh gosh that's horrible had they checked into these nursing homes much before they put her in it or they just sort of I mean I it's something that's hard to even get places in there you're lucky if you get a spot
[speaker001:] well that yes that that's true but um they're in a smaller small area and our and in fact they're over up in Missouri and and and and what I would you would really consider a rural area and where there's like one nursing home per town
[speaker002:] uh-huh no so you probably don't have too much choice
[speaker001:] yes oh no no no there's there is not a whole lot of choice so they've they've moved through three different towns now
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] so um
[speaker002:] but really it's pitiful
[speaker001:] it is and it the regulations I don't think the government the government regulations are the place I I don't think are are adequate either because they just don't the ones I've been in just don't aren't real real clean uh you know they do they do a halfway decent job but I it seems like they're they're they tend to be kind of slack
[speaker002:] often times I've gone into nursing homes where you know they have like a central area where they take the people to and all you do is to just sort of sit there like
[speaker001:] leave them yes
[speaker002:] you know almost like they're mentally retarded patients or something and some of them you know they're just sitting in the wheelchair and sleeping or whatever and it's just it's heart breaking you know and and I I feel like you know what have I moved into and and they're
[speaker001:] vegetables uh-hum I know I know it's
[speaker002:] some of them I think just needs stimulation
[speaker001:] yeah I mean it's almost like a mental hospital atmosphere instead of a nursing home
[speaker002:] yeah well I've never been to a mental hospital but we
[speaker001:] well me neither but but it just seems like that's what it would be like
[speaker002:] right like you expect expect from the movies of mental hospitals
[speaker001:] like uh one time Rick went and uh I went I didn't go with him and his grandmother was sitting there and she said that man across the hall is naked and he was he was sitting in his wheelchair stark naked
[speaker002:] oh gosh
[speaker001:] he had he'd got himself undressed and and he just he just like to sit in his wheelchair naked that's not funny but it was funny at the time
[speaker002:] yeah yeah but the the I mean the poor man too he could get really cold he could
[speaker001:] yeah yeah It was in the it was in the summer at at at at the time but you think they would pay more attention to what was going on that they'd see this guy had taken off his clothes
[speaker002:] that's crazy but I think they're under stress I mean I can't imagine working in a nursing home like that either because it must be so depressing
[speaker001:] oh oh no oh I couldn't do it I just absolutely couldn't do it
[speaker002:] but you know when I see them I don't know that I could when I think of my parents who fortunately shouldn't be close to getting there yet but I don't think of
[speaker001:] I know
[speaker002:] having to make the decision as to put them into a place like that or not
[speaker001:] me too that that is what scares me to death having to be in a in the position like that but you think you think there could be something better than that
[speaker002:] horrible I guess I would try and have somebody at the house as long as they were healthy enough but sometimes they're
[speaker001:] yeah yeah
[speaker002:] not I I don't know where have the old days gone where people just sort of died of something in their family houses and they're you know
[speaker001:] yeah yeah
[speaker002:] people are stabbed but it's not this torture
[speaker001:] yeah yeah I've been I've been real fortunate my family's never had anybody anybody anybody like in in in a nursing home but Rick's family my husband's family really has has has
[speaker002:] uh-huh that's it's it's interesting because it's my mother's parents well actually my father's parents both of them sort of you know they just died of something um but the my grandmother my grandmother's case which is very sad she fell she came into New York to visit and she fell at the airport going down some steps and spent you know six months in the hospital but it is was still it it was it wasn't
[speaker001:] yeah so yeah oh how awful oh
[speaker002:] you know the same as a nursing home type of thing
[speaker001:] right but still that's six months in a hospital
[speaker002:] yeah no that was that that that was horrible it was and she she never even got to see her family that she came in to visit
[speaker001:] oh how aweful they they never come to see they never came to see her
[speaker002:] no they came to the hospital but I mean she came in
[speaker001:] yeah but then she didn't get to go there oh I see
[speaker002:] you you know she came in for a pleasurable visit and
[speaker001:] oh how awful
[speaker002:] fell and cracked cracked her skull open and that was sort of it but just terrible
[speaker001:] oh oh how awful
[speaker002:] but um my it was really just my grandfather I guess and this one elderly cousin of mine that went into nursing homes
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] but it's just a scary thought every time I certainly don't want to be like that someday
[speaker001:] science medical science has prolonged life but they have they haven't really prolonged the quality of it that that's I think that's really the problem they can bring you back bring bring you out of death but they can't
[speaker002:] yes