[speaker001:] hi Phil
[speaker002:] how you doing
[speaker001:] pretty good how many children did you say you had
[speaker002:] I have three I didn't say I I have three of them yeah two uh I have the girl is the oldest and then two boys
[speaker001:] wow you have three children boys girls I have uh three as well uh mine are uh uh twenty five twenty four and twenty one the numbers keep changing so it's hard for me to remember
[speaker002:] yeah well you're doing a lot better than I can I can't rattle them off like that I know my youngest is eighteen he's uh as I said in a senior in high school but I have a uh my oldest son he's uh out seeing the world right now he's in Australia at the present time
[speaker001:] wow so you don't get a chance to to spend much time with him then until when he comes home
[speaker002:] well he's yeah he's been gone for about seven months now we're expecting him to be getting home here before too much longer hopefully
[speaker001:] wow I uh unfortunately didn't spend enough enough time with my children uh where I I had a lot of things that I thought that I needed to do that were more important than than spending time with my children in fact when they were younger uh I was attending school
[speaker002:] ouch yeah
[speaker001:] and then I found myself short of cash so I uh also went in for a part-time job so by the time that I got home after my second job
[speaker002:] um
[speaker001:] children either in bed or just getting ready to go to bed and the only time that I got to see them was on weekends and on weekends I had to do my homework so it uh it
[speaker002:] yeah
[speaker001:] you know it took away a lot of of time from them we did go out to you know to the places that you typically take children to and we had a lot of fun but it seems as though the time went by so fast that
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] that I I didn't really enjoy it as much as I could have if I worked at it a little harder
[speaker002:] I'll bet that story's all too common I uh
[speaker001:] it's it's unbelievable how fast you know you when when you get to the point where even your kid's age they don't want to spend time with you anymore and you know I
[speaker002:] yeah they sure develop their own interests
[speaker001:] I can I can remember when my children used to beg me to go with you know even to take them to the store or take them someplace and and it just gradually goes away until you have to ask them do you want to come with me and then they start saying no so
[speaker002:] it can be pretty sudden too
[speaker001:] well it it's not sudden it's just that it probably doesn't hit the average person uh until it hits them over the head
[speaker002:] yeah maybe so uh
[speaker001:] uh because you because even even my oldest uh child when he comes uh comes to the house he's still he's still my my my child and and I don't think of him as an adult yet and uh that that's one of his complaints
[speaker002:] yeah I don't think I uh I would have to say I probably didn't get to spend as much time as I would have liked to either uh however I did you know uh early on I was in the retail business and I worked late hours so I saw less of them then but then when I changed over and got into electronics industry I uh
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] I did have more time and I tried to spend some more time with them and uh you know we did things as a family we went camping quite a bit and we uh you know took trips went to see my folks in Florida and and some of those kind of things
[speaker001:] so you had a bunch a bunch of kids in the car that must have that must have that must have been fun
[speaker002:] yeah we did we did quite a bit of that just traveling and we had several Volkswagen buses there for a period of time in our later years then we did when we were camping and stuff and that made it a little easier or a station wagon
[speaker001:] well camping is one thing that I I could never get used to uh I I used to take the kids to go fishing and things like that but I never went uh never went camping
[speaker002:] uh-huh that may be the difference in our part of the country we live in it's a lot easier to get out outside all year round uh well pretty near all year round out here
[speaker001:] yeah yeah up in uh New England it's uh uh you know three or four or five months tops after that you're in the house because it becomes so cold out here that uh and sometimes the weather gets to you so you don't want to go outside and drive around
[speaker002:] yeah
[speaker001:] I guess uh
[speaker002:] I can think of a uh uh things I would like to have done differently on uh on the kids though
[speaker001:] well I can think of of some enjoyable things that that I did with the kids like we used to go up to uh New Hampshire quite a bit and go to the uh uh the White Mountains area and and visit all the you know the nature trails and things like that
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] but I wouldn't sleep on the ground I went into a hotel but I used to take the kids to uh you know the things like uh the places where there are animals and you go in and and feed the animals and things like that and uh
[speaker002:] yeah uh-huh oh yeah petting zoos and things
[speaker001:] yeah hey you know and the and the kids used to enjoy that as well and I like children in fact uh one of the things that I notice a dramatic change was that that uh like if I'd be in a supermarket and I'd see a cute little kid I wouldn't think twice about patting the kid on the head
[speaker002:] um-hum
[speaker001:] well as time grew by and I think I had my daughter with me one time and she went strolling away and I saw this kid and I patted her on the head and the mother turned around and saw me and took the kid away you know pulled the kid and I and I turned around and I realized my daughter wasn't there anymore so all she saw was a an adult standing there patting her kid on the head so I I I didn't realize it until after uh you know after it all happened what what the uh the
[speaker002:] oh yeah oh oh
[speaker001:] the sort of person uh it was uh really something
[speaker002:] our kids played uh ball it wasn't it was like you know Little League and uh it was Dads Oaks Dads Club which was a like a Little League
[speaker001:] uh-huh you attend a lot of their games
[speaker002:] yeah we used to go to the games and we had uh I never did actually coach I'd go do some of the sideline stuff and like that but I never did actually coach but they tried to get me to do that I but we'd go you know and watch them practice and
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and uh pick them up and carry them there and that kind of thing
[speaker001:] did you spend as much time with your daughter as you did with your sons
[speaker002:] uh I personally don't believe I did no for one reason being like I mentioned I was in retail when she was younger
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and then you know she being a girl I guess she probably uh spent a lot of time with her mother more so than with me
[speaker001:] yeah I I uh I felt that myself myself as I as I grew older my child grew older that I realized that I didn't spend half as much time with my daughter as I did my sons because uh I'd want to do the things that I thought that they would like to do and it would always be the things that I wanted to do without realizing it you know things like uh you know fishing and and doing outside things outside and my daughter didn't like doing those things so she ended up spending more time with her mother than uh
[speaker002:] um-hum oh yeah uh
[speaker001:] than with myself and I think uh she's closer to her mother today than than she is to me because of that
[speaker002:] yeah that's probably the same case in our family too
[speaker001:] yeah it's unfortunate because yeah you know even even though you you think of them as a whole family when you do things sometimes you separate them without even realizing it
[speaker002:] yeah a lot of cases daughters getting get real close to their dads too you know and uh
[speaker001:] yeah well she was close but yet whenever I wanted to do something it was always something something different than what she wanted to do
[speaker002:] yeah yeah
[speaker001:] um I spent a lot of time with her when I was home uh she'd always be the one you know sitting on my lap or being close to me and the two guys would be off uh uh playing someplace but it seems like whenever I wanted to do something like go out for the kids and uh she'd always say well I want to go to my girlfriend's house or I want to stay home and do this or she had like little projects she was working on at home and things like that so I I kind of missed that um I my daughter especially uh being with her
[speaker002:] is your daughter the uh oldest
[speaker001:] no she's the the second oldest she's uh twenty twenty three now
[speaker002:] oh middle child you uh you have you ever heard much about that theory about the uh you know how their different their their position in the family relates to their uh character you know some of their
[speaker001:] personality traits and things like that uh no I can't say that I have
[speaker002:] mannerisms and personality yeah yeah I believe it's true it's my experiences uh what I know about it and then observing it with my kids at least and then like some other people's children too it's uh you know it's uh you know the older kid is uh is more always more prone to be more like responsible and that kind of thing
[speaker001:] uh-huh yeah I think you force it on them and and the youngest one tends to be the one that's spoiled
[speaker002:] yeah it is a natural development I think it yeah and uh in our case he he's real sensitive and real uh thoughtful and uh
[speaker001:] the youngest one is more sensitive that's same with my family and it's it's strange
[speaker002:] yes I don't know if yeah I don't know if that relates to that or not but
[speaker001:] well it just so happens that my youngest is uh extremely sensitive uh where my oldest one uh you know I can scream at him and yell at him and he'll look at me with with
[speaker002:] my oldest yeah my oldest daughter is hard headed as can be
[speaker001:] but if I say the wrong thing to my youngest son he he will he won't cry anymore because he's too old but he gets hurt he bruises very easily and and I can feel that
[speaker002:] yeah right that's that's Matthew he's it's boy uh he was always he just he'd keep it to himself a lot of times but he'd really kind of well up and
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] and be ready to cry or whatever he's gotten now to where he can take it better he'll dish it back a little bit but
[speaker001:] I remember when I first took my kids out uh fishing and again I was with my two sons and not with my daughter but uh no I was with my oldest son uh my youngest son wasn't old enough or I didn't think he was old enough to take out and uh uh we caught this fish it was uh it was a fairly large size fish and he was very very proud it of he put it on the backseat on the floor and it was waggling around and we we came home and he uh he wanted to show his mom what he caught because it was his first fish and he wanted to put it in the bathtub so she told him no he couldn't do it but he did it anyway fill the water filled the bathtub full of water and uh
[speaker002:] huh
[speaker001:] uh put the fish in it now after the fish died from being handled so much uh we brought the fish and he put it out in the swimming pool so after he realized the fish wasn't going to come back uh to life again we went out there and they buried it
[speaker002:] uh  and uh
[speaker001:] you know we did did it together and I I come in the house and I wash my hands and I turn around and I did something and I saw the kids out there with sticks digging it up again and I went out there said what are you doing he said I wanted to show my friend the fish that I caught
[speaker002:] yeah
[speaker001:] so he's so he's out there digging it up
[speaker002:] yeah that was I'm sure it was a powerful experience for him it's something he'll remember
[speaker001:] yeah well it was his first fish he didn't he didn't want to hide it he wanted everybody