[speaker001:] we're to discuss a little bit about the process of putting someone in a nursing home and and making the decision on a family basis and probably the first question would be whether you've ever had to go through that process
[speaker002:] well not so much personally but my um husband has an aunt who has been like a second mother I mean always lived in the same town and took care of him and such they live down in College Station where his parents do too and they put her in a home last year she appeared to have a couple of light strokes and started to uh not be able to be in her apartment on her own
[speaker001:] uh-huh uh-huh
[speaker002:] so they found a a place nearby that they put her in last year
[speaker001:] so it was pretty much a physical decision
[speaker002:] uh yeah although she is uh in pretty good health and she's doesn't take any medication it's just she had had her own apartment and drove a car and everything up until that point
[speaker001:] um
[speaker002:] then she was starting to get uh you know lose memory sometimes and which is kind of frightening when she's in the car
[speaker001:] yeah my husband's family are reaching that point but it's it's so difficult was she in favor of it or or was she
[speaker002:] uh well yeah when it finally came down to it um she just got to the point after the I mean it wasn't a very um strong stroke it was just kind of all of a sudden she wasn't herself anymore
[speaker001:] kind of opposed to it uh-huh
[speaker002:] and she got kind of fearful of being on her own she never really ate very well it was one thing she hardly ever took care of herself and she didn't eat she ate very poor so I think she was you know bad uh nutrition on top of
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] and uh she got to the point she didn't want to alone anymore so
[speaker001:] so often I think though elderly people don't realize that their diet is that bad I work with a lot of elderly people I'm a trust officer
[speaker002:] um
[speaker001:] and so often they think they're adequately caring for themselves when they're really not eating very much or very balanced meals
[speaker002:] well she was almost ridiculous like she'd eat ice cream and cookies
[speaker001:] yes well you know that's part of the aging process that your taste buds goes back to the sweet taste it really is yeah uh-huh
[speaker002:] she'd didn't one  oh really well she didn't want to cook for herself anymore oh that's too much trouble that's too much trouble didn't want to cook
[speaker001:] yeah and the portions people don't want to try to figure out little bitty individual meals I do that right now and I'm not near nursing home age
[speaker002:] yeah although they've got uh Meals On Wheels which I understand is a really good you know way to handle that so that at least they eat
[speaker001:] yeah um-hum so as a family you all just visited nursing homes or probably in College Station there wasn't a whole lot of choice
[speaker002:] no I don't think there was um I know a little bit more from a a coworker her mother-in-law had been in for quite some time and had different degrees of a place that she was in
[speaker001:] um-hum
[speaker002:] um she was ambulatory and so there was a lesser care uh then she got uh uh hip broken and then uh she wasn't as ambulatory so they were almost you know to the point of saying she can't be here anymore but
[speaker001:] um-hum
[speaker002:] I remember from her checking around she ended up staying at the Arkansas House I think out in Arlington something like that
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and uh you know the type of facilities whether it's a shared room or two separate rooms that share uh a uh bathroom all of them all seem to say that people there are going to steal their items
[speaker001:] oh yeah that's a given
[speaker002:] they they're always saying that somebody's going to and some of them I think unconsciously do it you know as a just you know half senile
[speaker001:] um-hum and sometimes the the help there does it I think
[speaker002:] hum so they they uh don't have too many facilities it seems for their personal items very limited space waste but um at least they all seem to have some
[speaker001:] um-hum
[speaker002:] you know people that monitor their uh medication intake and dining facilities you know go to the dining room and and eat some good meals I know when my friend's mother-in-law first went in I mean
[speaker001:] um-hum
[speaker002:] very antisocial maybe it takes a while for them to say okay well I'll be with other people but
[speaker001:] adapt yeah
[speaker002:] yeah I don't understand that they they don't want to be with anybody else
[speaker001:] I as I think I mentioned I was in the trust business and I've seen so many elderly people usually there has to be some wealth involved which is great if if you're financially if if you don't make the decisions so late that you're worried about money but
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] the the places like Presbyterian Village and some of the the retirement places where where they have different levels of care seems to be so much better as far as elderly people adapting they're able to move in while they're still independent and still social and and they do group things
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and then as health or or mental capacity deteriorates they're able to take the next steps without so much change and oh I wish everybody could go that direction rather than just all of a sudden moving out of the home they've always been in it's really kind of difficult
[speaker002:] yeah I have a um my aunt's mother is uh gotten ill recently and uh she lives in Pennsylvania they live in Alabama and they're saying hey we need you to be closer and
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] you have uh women like that I don't to men it seems like the women out just out live their husbands but very reluctantly that whole I mean they don't get out of the house they don't socialize but it's my home and I don't want to leave it
[speaker001:] uh-huh well and it's the first step in in actually accepting that you are failing and and aging
[speaker002:] um
[speaker001:] you know once you make that step you know that it's just going to be downhill from then on and and I've seen people really fight it that desperately needed to make the change
[speaker002:] um
[speaker001:] they they became in fact that's probably what's going to happen with my husband's mother she's going to endanger herself before she'll willingly and probably will never willingly make the decision and that scares me the the thought of forcing somebody to do something
[speaker002:] but it's it's so lonely you know they can't get out and see anyone and I mean it's hard for for someone like me to understand that because I think I think what do you have there it's a house it's walls and it's furniture but
[speaker001:] yeah uh-huh not as independence
[speaker002:] there's nobody there don't you want to be close to me
[speaker001:] yeah
[speaker002:] I mean you know be with other people I just don't understand why they so much want to just stay in that building and there's no family there they don't get to see their grandkids they don't get to see their children they just there in that house
[speaker001:] uh-huh uh-huh yeah and the quality of life really isn't there
[speaker002:] yeah
[speaker001:] oh it's tough it really is
[speaker002:] that's from the child's standpoint the child is going why don't you want to be close to me and your other family what does that house got attraction I never really thought of independence
[speaker001:] uh-huh well they fear being dependent on somebody they they fear being a burden to to family members
[speaker002:] uh
[speaker001:] my husband's mother will have major surgery and we'll find out about it in a casual conversation she'll let something slip and we'll say wait a minute and and that's it she just well I didn't want to bother you she can't accept that we want to be the care givers
[speaker002:] well when she got home who took care of her
[speaker001:] yeah well she stayed she stayed in a temporary nursing home until she was okay
[speaker002:] ah
[speaker001:] you know it's just but it's frightening to us b ecause we live pretty far from her she's down in Temple and we can't see her often enough to really know what's going on
[speaker002:] um-hum um
[speaker001:] so it's difficult it really is and we're all heading that way and
[speaker002:] yeah my husband and I we have been thinking about his folks are in College Station and we've pretty much planned that we'll be here in the Dallas area and
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] there's nothing to hold them there in College Station since they're retired so we thought maybe we could get them to move a little closer here
[speaker001:] yeah