[speaker001:] okay you have three boys I had two boys and two girls
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] my youngest is college age but he is so he's still around occasionally but um he's he's twenty two and in his last year of college but uh we were very active with them when they were young whatever they were in gymnastics or soccer or baseball or basketball whatever we were always involved in the parent club and coached some and went to all the games and and course in Plano that's a big deal we'd even where we lived in Albuquerque before there's a lot of parent involvement in children's lives how about where you are
[speaker002:] that's good well I try I try to as much as possible um my oldest is nine he plays plays soccer and is getting ready to start playing football
[speaker001:] oh oh my
[speaker002:] and uh I'm behind him a hundred percent on that and
[speaker001:] right
[speaker002:] and my my middle one is five he's playing soccer and T-ball
[speaker001:] oh dear
[speaker002:] my youngest is two and he wants to do it all so
[speaker001:] yeah he's learning from the big brothers huh that's neat though and sometimes those that see their older brothers do it turn out to be pretty good because they pick up skills
[speaker002:] yeah that's that's right
[speaker001:] seems naturally you know just they start so young just kicking the ball and are are you pretty involved with with their uh
[speaker002:] that's true I try to be as much as I can
[speaker001:] do you coach them or go out to parent nights
[speaker002:] oh no I I uh go out to as many games as I can get to
[speaker001:] uh-huh uh-huh
[speaker002:] it's kind of hard hard hard with me just because I'm in the restaurant business and I have to work weekends but my wife's there all the time and
[speaker001:] oh
[speaker002:] mean that's that's one of my that's my downfall on my side of that that that aspect
[speaker001:] um-hum um-hum
[speaker002:] which is I think's a lot of people's too just in general
[speaker001:] right
[speaker002:] is that is there that everybody's working you know the the dad's away at work and then the then the wife goes away to work and kids are stuck with sitters and they're not involved in there as much with their their with their kids they let somebody else raise their kids
[speaker001:] right right right it well that's seems to be a a pretty current trend I I work in the schools and I see a lot of kids that
[speaker002:] what
[speaker001:] obviously are looking for a family and usually find it within a group at school rather than at home because their parents are off working or uh usually you know a lot of times it's a single mother trying to raise and of course I I deal with adolescents so that's where it fourteen fifteen that's where it really starts coming out this lack of of uh family life
[speaker002:] what do you what do you what difference do you see in those kids that than ones with a mother and father in the participation
[speaker001:] well uh they look for their security and their uh self-esteem uh outside of the home and usually in the wrong groups
[speaker002:] really
[speaker001:] and and uh
[speaker002:] acceptance
[speaker001:] right and they find that they're very easily unfortunately uh the kids who make them feel the most welcome
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] when new students come into school are the kids that are are uh on drugs or party a lot on weekends and things like that and and uh
[speaker002:] yeah wrong side of the fence
[speaker001:] they're the first but they are the first ones that will come up and say you know you want to sit at my table in the cafeteria and let me help you to your classes and things like that and and uh
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] when you've got a a child that's just coming from a situation a move is a terrible thing on a child it's it's just such a traumatic especially if they've lived for any length of time
[speaker002:] oh sure I mean the
[speaker001:] in in the first place and they come up here and no friends and here are these people just throwing themselves and before you know it you've got a a kid involved in things you don't want them involved in and
[speaker002:] it
[speaker001:] and most of the time the move is made and then mom and daddy go right back to work right away and the kid's coming home to an empty house or they're coming home to take care of little brothers and sisters and and uh you've got these ready made friends just ready to go
[speaker002:] that that's right
[speaker001:] and and uh I you I don't know what the answer is because I am a working woman and and I don't like to say if the women would stay home any more than I like to say if the men would stay home and and it's
[speaker002:] right well you're fortunate that uh your kids are grown and I mean did did you did you work when your kids were growing up
[speaker001:] right when when my youngest was in third grade I went back to work but I stayed home up until then when by that time my oldest was
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] oh she's about six years older than he is so she must have been in about uh tenth grade I guess my oldest was and I had one in tenth and one in ninth and one in eighth and then this third grader and and uh
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] but I went to work for the school district where I was home in the summer I had two weeks off at Christmas I got left school at three four o'clock every day and was home to take them to anything they needed to go to in the afternoons
[speaker002:] did you work in the school or in the administrative end of it
[speaker001:] uh no in the schools I I uh I did work some summers but it was never my work never took uh first place if if my kids needed me or needed to go somewhere that's where I was
[speaker002:] it  right just did you work at the same school that your kid was going through
[speaker001:] and um I when my youngest was in elementary school I worked at in his elementary school for three years
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] and uh but I had an understanding with the principal that under no circumstances was I to be treated any differently I don't want I said I don't want teachers coming to me in the middle of the day when they couldn't get to anybody else's mother in the middle of the day that that it would be handled the same way they handled dealt with other parents other kids it it gets real easy when a mother is in a school or a father even for a teacher to every time some little thing goes wrong to run and pretty soon all you're hearing is negative things so it you know and those things need to be dealt with in the classroom by the teacher and not tattled necessarily
[speaker002:] right right well it puts you it puts you in an awkward situation puts the child in an awkward situation
[speaker001:] but it it it worked well it worked well with me and I and I told the principal I said if if uh my student my child does something that you feel deserves licks or some other discipline have at it you know I'm I'm I have always
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] wanted them to respect rules and teachers and and uh I don't want them to think that I'm going to come riding to the rescue where every time something happens but
[speaker002:] well they need to I mean any any child as far as that goes there's that there's that certain there's that that fine line between A and C you know that you have you need to ride and all kids do they they need discipline
[speaker001:] right well I think unfortunately what what we're seeing in the very few of the instances is that uh for the parents who cannot be there to parent during the day their idea of parenting is to come riding to the rescue and take their child's side without knowing the whole story or even when they do know the whole story
[speaker002:] right
[speaker001:] it's it's either another student's fault or it's another it's a teacher's fault or it's it's anybody's and they consider that being a good parent and that what when really what the child needs is their attention more of the time and it's
[speaker002:] well that's usually what gets them in trouble to begin with not enough attention not enough attention like you were saying they go off into the wrong groups and get hooked up with the wrong people so
[speaker001:] um-hum um-hum um-hum it it it's and it's it's difficult I understand I I know a lot of single women that are working two jobs just to keep a roof over the kid's head and keep food on the table and I don't know how these women are supposed to have time to to parent it's it's I don't I don't know what the answer is to it it's it's really sad I there may not be I but it it beats being it beats being homeless you know and
[speaker002:] you don't know if there is one there may not I mean it's just an ongoing ongoing problem right