[speaker001:] okay
[speaker002:] okay
[speaker001:] you there well have you had this with one of your parents yet
[speaker002:] uh not with my parents although my parents are now in their early seventies
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and uh fortunately they have to this point been very physically healthy and very self sufficient and they really look after themselves and I think considered what they want done as they get older and maybe less able
[speaker001:] what what is do they want done that's interesting that they've already said
[speaker002:] well the it it's more that they have when they retired and we are from South Dakota
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] so they retired from the rural farming community into Sioux Falls which is the biggest city in the state
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and set themselves up near medical facilities and I I can't say I can tell you what they've uh decided as to okay because I think some of that is that maybe you think ahead somewhat but you don't uh book those facilities yeah
[speaker001:] right and it depends on their health too I know some people say they never want to go to a nursing home you know where others say well you know put me there if I get that bad you know
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] now my parents are seventy nine and eighty one
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and they're they're still taking care of themselves but when they were your parents age they were doing much better now it's gotten to where it's just barely and we know it's going to be probably anytime you know that that we're going to have to change them from their home or something you know
[speaker002:] well have they do they recognize the coming and try to make the decision themselves
[speaker001:] no my stepfather is one that's always had a horror of nursing homes and don't ever put me there now my mother on the other hand I do not think would mind you know
[speaker002:] uh-huh uh-huh
[speaker001:] uh they live in a small town uh a hundred and twenty miles northeast of Dallas and uh and so the nursing home there if if they had to go there there would be some of their old friends there you know and it's and rather than in a city where you probably wouldn't know anyone so that would be to their
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] advantage but uh I guess you know I don't know how long I have a brother and two stepsisters but we really haven't really discussed it that much either we should have by this point you know at seventy nine and eighty one but I guess we're just waiting to see what happens and then I guess we'll make a make decisions then
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and uh but my stepfather's health is is failing bad you know I don't know if he has starting of Alzheimer or or what but the last say three years since he had to have some kind of brain surgery he's been going down hill you know
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] and uh so anyway I uh by this time we should have probably made some decisions but we haven't so I I can see a lot of friends here in the neighborhood too uh one's mother just got to where she couldn't take care of herself anymore in Florida as far as you know eating meals and all that kind of stuff she just wasn't doing it you know so she has come to live with her daughter in the neighborhood
[speaker002:] yeah that is one of the options but uh that is so related to the family situation of the children and uh you know I guess not that it's happened in our case in my family because it well I have seen it in their generation it what you do is first see your parents go through it with their parents
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] and I would say well at this point um you could say been through all that because I have no no grandparents left uh and it's you see all the different options and you see that they all can work uh
[speaker001:] uh-huh I've almost been surprised the last three or four years with my friends in the neighborhood as many mothers it's always been mothers have come to live in the home but then maybe they'll have a stroke or something and and then then they'll go to the nursing home but they go to the home first
[speaker002:] uh-huh well if they're uh that's the thing if they're physically able it is a much more pleasant more caring uh situation to be in the home of one of the children
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] uh the other side of that is that if the children are no where near where the uh parents had spent their life then in a sense you you have no friends at the new place
[speaker001:] uh-huh
[speaker002:] uh in this that you are unless that you develop new friends and uh the best thing is kind of a combination where uh the at least one of the children if not several are uh uh back in the area where the parents uh had spent their years and then
[speaker001:] that would make it easier yeah if if you were but like you say then to uproot them and take them to another state or something
[speaker002:] yeah uh-huh
[speaker001:] but uh in some of the cases I was talking about in the neighborhood though they have been up rooted from another state but then but then maybe things had gotten where they live that they never really saw anybody much any more anyway you know
[speaker002:] uh-huh
[speaker001:] too uh they you know get to where they don't get out that much anymore maybe especially if they hadn't always lived in that area they're moving from
[speaker002:] yes well it's it's not an easy choice because it's but uh it's something that we all face and we uh
[speaker001:] right and then then it's then it's our turn so we better better handle it well because it will be
[speaker002:] yeah but the way society changes it makes it so that uh what was acceptable for our parents and their parents may not be as workable for us it it's certainly a problem as we as people live older of course as long as you can live a healthy life uh the uh the care is is not near the issue it becomes when you start having the physical problems
[speaker001:] right and of course one thing we haven't even discussed that makes a big bearing on what you do is the cost
[speaker002:] yes
[speaker001:] you know if the parents if they are going into some kind of of nursing type home you know that helps helps them uh you know do they have the money to pay for it or are the children going to help out to make up the difference you know if there's two parents that might be three thousand
[speaker002:] right