[Leslie:] You know Les up the garage?
[Christine:] Yes.
[Leslie:] Les.
[Christine:] Yeah.
[Leslie:] He got asked out by that Kate.
[Michael:] Ain't he got big? Ain't he got
[Leslie:] You know Kate? The bleeding fat girl, he got asked out by her.
[Christine:] It's in there.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]
[Leslie:] She wrote him a letter.
[speaker004:] Going out!
[Michael:] Is it?
[speaker004:] Going out.
[Christine:] Just
[Michael:] [whistling]
[Christine:] don't get all mucky.
[Michael:] Hello.
[Leslie:] Hello.
[Michael:] Say hello. You say hello.
[Leslie:] Ooh! You don't wanna lick that. [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] No.
[Michael:] No, go on.
[Leslie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] It's like with that.
[Michael:] Eh? No.... Aargh!
[Leslie:] Gotta see them next time.
[Michael:] Back though ain't they?
[Christine:] It ain't.
[Leslie:] ... He said no.
[speaker004:] No.
[Leslie:] See, I was a bit shocked, you know, Mike said he went to... Chessington was it?
[Christine:] Yeah.
[Michael:] Ha ha! I learn everything
[Leslie:] Why did you when we were here?
[Michael:] What?
[Leslie:] Why didn't you do that when we were here?
[Michael:] When
[Leslie:] They are massive.
[Michael:] when we were out where?
[Christine:] Hold on. Go on the er
[Leslie:] He put him on the
[Michael:] Bat ride.
[Leslie:] lorry driver
[Christine:] Bung it in there.
[Leslie:] or the boat or whatever it is.
[Michael:] The pirate ship. [LAUGHTER]... On the back seat, I got him on it. [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] Was his face
[Leslie:] You've seen it on the one that had gone over.
[Michael:] We ain't been on it yet.
[Christine:] Oh. Bloody hell! I wouldn't go on that.
[Leslie:] Where you hang upside down in the air and
[speaker004:] Stop bouncing that ball! What?
[Michael:] Stop bouncing that ball!... [whistling]... [sighing] Urgh er []. Great.... Here are. Pass the ball.... I love that skill.... So have you got anything new since I've been away?
[speaker004:] Dunno.
[Michael:] Got any new games for your computer?
[speaker004:] No. It's fucked innit? You must have fucked it up.
[Michael:] Why what's the matter with it?
[speaker004:] You know the little box that goes into the back of the telly
[Michael:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] took the wires out.
[Michael:] Who did?
[speaker004:] .
[Michael:] Why?
[speaker004:] He's a prick.
[Michael:] He's a prick?
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Michael:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER]... [sniff]... [tut] Yeah. Come upstairs and listen to this tape? Blinding tape! Do you wanna hear it?
[speaker004:] I can't be bothered.
[Michael:] Come on Chris, listen. It's funny man I te
[speaker004:] Bring it down here.
[Michael:] Nah. It's better you got them speakers.... It's enough funny man I'm telling ya! Come upstairs, play on the hi-fi. I I... bet you any money you laugh.... [sniff]... [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] Hello.
[Michael:] Did you train him to wee on the thingie now?
[Christine:] Yep. Found that
[speaker004:] Gets up the stairs now.
[Michael:] Gets up the [LAUGHTER] stairs now []?
[Christine:] Yeah he, even when he go upstairs he can't get down though.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Can't get do, get up but can't get down [].
[speaker004:] Shall I show Michael Mum?
[Christine:] Yes.
[speaker004:] [shouting] Steve []!
[Christine:] No don't take him up there Chris.
[speaker004:] Ah go on. I just want
[Christine:] No I said it's just
[Michael:] Just
[Christine:] started to make him not well again.
[speaker004:] Just... up the
[Christine:] I said
[speaker004:] stairs?
[Christine:] no.
[Leslie:] No. [music]
[Michael:] Ah. Ain't he nice.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... Can we get one Mum?
[Leslie:] What?
[Michael:] One of these dogs?... I want one.... [whistling]... Yeah, hang on. Just gotta stop it.
[Christine:] Stop bouncing that fucking ball!
[speaker004:] Chris, stop bouncing that ball.
[Christine:] You haven't taped that have ya?
[Michael:] What?
[Christine:] The ball?
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]... No.
[Christine:] I dunno what they'd say if you did. Leave him there. Leave him Chrissy. He's sick if you help pick him up.
[speaker004:] Yeah?
[Christine:] Yeah. Well that's why Mark still won't pick him up. [microphone interference]
[Michael:] What are you doing here?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] What a nice pleasant lot.
[Leslie:] I know....
[Christine:] Eh?
[Leslie:] You could be a.
[Michael:] Who?
[Leslie:] You.
[Michael:] Why?
[Leslie:] Well it has just not come through.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] Just leave it on.
[Michael:] Where's he gone then?... Chris! What you doing? Come here. [tv on] You don't wanna be?
[speaker004:] What shall we do?
[Michael:] It's boring. [microphone too far away]
[speaker004:] Two days, two hours, and twenty seven minutes.
[Michael:] What?
[speaker004:] That's how long it's taking you to do on the paper. Apparently so. [LAUGHTER]... Oh yeah, and... twenty two seconds.
[Christine:] That thing's really good innit?
[Leslie:] Well apparently it's.
[Christine:] Mm mm. I think I got it in a shop on the... where did I get it? I got in this chemist in the shops there didn't I?
[speaker004:] Yeah, down Basildon, or Pitsea weren't it?
[Steve:] Mm. That's where I got bike from
[Christine:] Did you go in, go in that little
[Michael:] Sorry, you got your
[Christine:] pet shop?
[speaker004:] Did you see a tiny little pet shop?
[Christine:] Where did you park?
[Michael:] No, must have been... in a car park.
[Christine:] Wha
[speaker004:] What one? Tesco's one?
[Michael:] Yeah, must have been.
[Christine:] Well you know the one through there on the left the little one.
[Leslie:] Yeah I know where you mean.
[Christine:] Yeah, we used to go
[speaker004:] Steve.
[Christine:] there.
[speaker004:] Yeah I've seen him
[Christine:] That's all I buy.
[speaker004:] go in.
[Christine:] my mascara. Well, oh bloody hell 85 135
[Leslie:] I don't see yours though.
[Christine:] Mi, mine isn't bad I mean that one out there is, like the same as the one I had but it's E F five which is... fuel efficient, you know, like it's got the extra fuel efficient, and it really is... it's good on petrol.... Unless Steve
[Leslie:] That is
[Christine:] lo, used to eat it. Stevie left the car outside the house with over a quarter of petrol.
[Leslie:] Must be there's something wrong somewhere.
[Christine:] Ooh! Terrible. He's... come out and it's nearly on the red.
[Leslie:] I said well how do you think
[Christine:] I reckon there's something wrong with it. I mean you don't put a fiver in to go... and then, then have to put more in to go to bleeding... erm... Wickham and back.
[Leslie:] No.
[Christine:] I mean, that, Christ! It ain't that far.
[Leslie:] Oh I'll have to go now, gotta do some shopping.
[Christine:] Only just fucking got here!
[Leslie:] No! Been here ages.
[Christine:] Have not. You're like the old man you are, go somewhere, stay five minutes and then go.
[Leslie:] Yeah. So are you.
[Christine:] Excuse me?
[Leslie:] Yeah. You ain't much different.
[Christine:] Who?
[Leslie:] You.
[Christine:] Stayed with you for
[Leslie:] Yeah, cos I made you a sandwich and you sat in the garden chair.
[Christine:] Don't make no difference.
[Leslie:] [tut]
[Christine:] Had one of my plants out there that has bloody gone now! Told him not to do the garden until I've finished.
[Leslie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] Buds are that big, every time he went to thing he snapped it off.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] In the pot thing.
[speaker004:] Who Dad did, snapped it off?
[Christine:] Oh I had to
[Leslie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] wall onto him.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] Well I had to climb over the wall and fucking jump there.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Leslie:] Are you gonna watch the rest of that. I ain't got no cash. [tut]
[Michael:] [sigh]
[Leslie:] Well I better be, bloody go.
[Christine:] Alright.
[Leslie:] I'm off.
[Christine:] And make sure you got the steak.
[Leslie:] Yeah I still got the steak. It's no
[Christine:] But it
[Leslie:] it is nice.
[Christine:] Yeah.
[Leslie:] Told ya. Yeah we had that didn't we? Saves you leaving all them taters.
[Christine:] Mm.
[Leslie:] Peas and
[Christine:] It don't
[Leslie:] Two hours.
[Christine:] take that much does it?
[Leslie:] No it was lovely.
[Michael:] Mm.
[Leslie:] Cooked it slow and long.
[Christine:] Mm mm.
[Leslie:] It was nice. [music]
[Christine:] Chops. Did I give you them?
[Leslie:] Yes, and I loved them. Oh you asked me
[Christine:] Mincemeat, will that
[Leslie:] Very nice.
[Christine:] do ya?
[Leslie:] Haven't used the mince.
[Christine:] Braising steak.
[Leslie:] Haven't used that.
[Christine:] That was it.
[Leslie:] No there was more than that.
[Christine:] Oh.... And bacon?
[Leslie:] Spare ribs though.
[Christine:] Yeah? What about?
[Leslie:] I don't buy things like that cos it never gets eaten in my house.
[Christine:] Mm mm.
[Leslie:] It's a waste of fucking money.
[Christine:] That weren't bad really, I mean, you bought all that meat.
[Leslie:] Will he have chickens and that up there now?
[Christine:] Dunno.
[Leslie:] Shall we go on up there?
[Christine:] If you want.
[Leslie:] Are we going, yeah? Got a bad back?
[Michael:] Ah Mum, it's killing me!
[speaker004:] No I'll come.
[Christine:] Oh stay here with the dog, alright? And then you can shut all the doors and everything.
[speaker004:] He int gonna climb out of windows is he?
[Christine:] You wanna walk him, not go in the car.
[speaker004:] [tut]! Ah man! Ah man!
[Michael:] Come on then.
[speaker004:] You gotta... go at least a hundred
[Christine:] Come on then.
[speaker004:] yards!
[Christine:] Come on then.
[Michael:] Go away!
[speaker004:] Get off!... hoo hoo hoo.
[Christine:] You've been
[Michael:] Been sick.
[Christine:] here nearly every weekend for over four weeks now.
[speaker004:] Oh I don't know.
[Christine:] Your father wonders what's happening, I reckon he thinks I'm trying to pinch you don't he?
[speaker004:] Mm!
[Christine:] Yeah, well I think I'm down this weekend cos I don't know what I'm doing this weekend. Dunno. I might be on shift work.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Christine:] If I get any work. But you can always come down, cos you got a key ain't you?
[speaker004:] Yes.
[Christine:] I mean Dad'll pi, if I'm working don't bother. But I mean, if I'm only doing shifts... night shifts then you can come down and get yourself in, right? I'll let you know anyway what I'm doing.
[speaker004:] Alright then.
[Christine:] But, we'll take it that I'll see you, not next week, but the week after. Alright then.
[speaker004:] Yes.... So what are we going down there? What are we having for dinner tonight?
[Christine:] Dunno.
[speaker004:] That braising steak.
[Christine:] Might actually. We could have done that. Oh yeah.
[speaker004:] Kentucky Fried Chicken. [LAUGHTER]... And an hour down the golf range. [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] Live the high life.
[speaker004:] What?
[Christine:] You're getting a bit beyond.
[speaker004:] You what?
[Christine:] Live the high life.
[speaker004:] Oh. [LAUGHTER]... What happened to your doors on the kitchen?
[Christine:] Erm, we had to get.
[speaker004:] Oh. Why, what's wrong with them?
[Christine:] Hanging the back.
[speaker004:] Mm., what happened to the doors?
[Leslie:] Oh they just come off.
[Christine:] Where d'ya get them doors? Them ones? The black ones?
[Leslie:] You know the shop, erm...
[Christine:] I was watching the fire engines.
[speaker004:] Mhm. Is the great Bill on?
[Leslie:] Oh! Here he goes again with his ball.
[Christine:] Oh stop bouncing please. Is dad here?
[Steve:] Yes.
[Michael:] Oh hold on.
[Leslie:] I might get some meat and that for tomorrow.
[Christine:] Alright then.
[Michael:] Bloody hell!... Think I shall stop this now.
[Steve:] You had it on?
[Michael:] Yeah. [break in recording] [tv on very loud]
[Christine:] Did he win?
[Michael:] Yeah.
[Steve:] Yeah.
[Michael:] Knocked them out in the tenth round.
[Steve:] You know Lennox Lewis wants his next fight. That means... there'll be two... British, England's, for Great Britain heavyweight boxers fighting for World title. And Lennox Lewis is a heavyweight world title. And the only English person to win that will back is somebody....
[Leslie:] Oh. Well no one can see ya.
[Steve:] Well,.
[Leslie:] You alright on that settee?
[Steve:] Yeah why? It's quite comfy to lay on it..
[Leslie:] Don't get too lippy boy!
[Steve:] Grapes please.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]
[Leslie:] Go and make me a nice cup of tea Mike?
[Michael:] I'll always make you a nice cup of tea.
[Steve:] ... Mum never makes a cup of tea does she?
[Leslie:] I always make the tea.
[Christine:] I made you one just a second ago.
[Leslie:] Michael had one didn't ya?
[Steve:] It's not the point.
[Leslie:] I know he don't.
[Steve:] Well I offered though.
[Leslie:] Go on.
[Steve:] You make me one. Come round for dinner.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]
[Christine:] What have you been up to?
[Steve:] Nothing.
[Michael:] Eating.
[Leslie:] Any phone calls?
[Steve:] Nah.
[Michael:] Why are they all...? [tv on very interfering] At least I ain't washing your car tomorrow.
[Steve:] Ah ah! Diddums! Yeah.
[Michael:] [tut] Oh!
[Steve:] What's the matter with you? What's your life revolve round washing people's cars?
[Christine:] [clears throat] Yeah it does Steve.
[Steve:] You won't get a car now anyhow.
[Michael:] I know.
[Steve:] Old X reg.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]
[Steve:] And a white one, fucking hell!
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]
[Steve:] ... Send it back again.... With a seam of. He's got a... er erm... [tut]... H reg ain't he George?
[Michael:] Mm.
[Steve:] [sigh] Got a K reg.
[Michael:] When we went to see that one with er this
[Steve:] What it's his car? Tell you what, it's in better bloody nick than what my old E reg was.
[Michael:] What? That isn't hard is it?
[Steve:] That car... better condition than what my o, my one was.
[Michael:] And what is it, six years older?
[Steve:] Yeah.
[Michael:] But has he had it since new?
[Steve:] Other than the... wheels I think.
[Michael:] ... the one with the, like?
[Steve:] Mm. Aha. You, not the
[Michael:] Oh what the ones with the R S turbo sign on them?
[Steve:] What?
[Michael:] What is it then? I don't know.
[Steve:] Not really a car person are you? Not really in with it are you? Let's face it, you're not really one of the boys are ya?
[Michael:] Well see you're eight years older than me.
[Steve:] Not really. I knew about them when I was bloody... ten! I knew the ins and outs of one of them.
[Michael:] Mm.
[Steve:] I even knew how much smoke fumes come out from nought to sixty. You know why?
[Michael:] They ain't got them though
[Steve:] [LAUGHTER]... Still ain't got one.
[Michael:] Little Fiesta Festival.
[Steve:] Ain't even mine.... Is there any petrol in there?
[Leslie:] Mind you, it's so dark I can't see it. I pu, I just put a fiver in and takes, takes, turn the battery and it's. [clears throat]... I didn't know it was that high.
[Steve:] What?
[Leslie:] I wouldn't rate it that high.
[Steve:] It's only worth about hundred pound. [LAUGHTER]
[Leslie:] She'll have to pay me hundred to fucking take it.... [sigh] Make us a cup of tea boy.
[Michael:] No! [break in recording] [tv on loud: wrestlingboxing]
[Leslie:] Are you ever gonna leave home though?
[Michael:] Oh don't start!
[Leslie:] [tut]!
[Steve:] Well don't you enjoy him being here... making you laugh? And costing you millions?
[Leslie:] Yeah, he's costing me fucking money! I'd rather be working.
[Michael:] Ah ah!
[Steve:] Oh God! You don't really mean it?
[Leslie:] Mm.... Drunk your tea?
[Michael:] He won it.... Keep smiling. Er er, er er, urgh.
[Leslie:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]
[Steve:] He shot him. Yow!
[Leslie:] Did you tell your dad you went on a bike ride?
[Michael:] Yeah.
[Leslie:] Oh. I was telling Christine.
[Michael:] He don't know Christine does he?
[Steve:] What?
[Michael:] Well he's seen her but
[Leslie:] Mm.
[Michael:] [sighing] Oh my God []!... So what are you doing tomorrow?
[Leslie:] Nothing just sitting down.
[Michael:] Are you going out tomorrow?
[Steve:] Ha?
[Leslie:] If you're going up to London after dinner let us know. I want some.
[Michael:] [tut]! Oh Mum I ain't gonna go up there in the.
[Leslie:] Did they have a lot?
[Michael:] It'll cost you about three hundred pound to go up there and back.
[Leslie:] What you going in then?
[Michael:] Going in yours.
[Steve:] I'll get the train. I will. I think I'll get done better as well.
[Michael:] [LAUGHTER]