[Herbert:] [singing] Do you wanna dance all through the night? La de day de day de tonight oh baby do you wanna dance? [] [LAUGHTER]... Yeah he from the committee....
[Iris:] You wanna watch out or he'll be having you down at the.... Stuart'll be having you as his star turn.... Where's your dad gone?
[speaker003:] Mm?
[Iris:] Where's your dad gone?... Eh?...
[Herbert:] Oh.
[Iris:] She's acting stupid you know.
[Herbert:] Are we gonna have a listen to Coronation Street?
[Iris:] Oh... are you trying to shove me mother out again Herbert? Every time you walk in she
[Herbert:] Well
[Iris:] walks out.
[Herbert:] well we can all go and listen to Coronation Street....
[Iris:] Alright!
[Herbert:] Well you, cos you haven't seen it have you Alison?... You didn't er that did you?
[Alison:] Yeah but I'm saying they're not paying... they haven't gotta pay for that machine.
[Herbert:] Who hasn't gotta pay for the machine?
[Alison:] Well if they're doing, somebody by hand's doing it, they haven't got that of paying for that machine.
[Herbert:] Yeah but... the machine could do what a hundred people could do in a day, can't it? The machine doesn't get tired like people do.
[Alison:] Yeah but I mean
[Herbert:] The peo the machine only goes off bad if somebody hasn't been maintaining it.... And all you've gotta do is, with machine is put petrol or diesel or whatever it is to make and check all the oil
[Alison:] And
[Herbert:] I know but... that offsets... the labour is the, labour is the thing that costs a fortune.... Yeah.
[Alison:] Well why don't you do it all before and
[Herbert:] Well they do. and they've got it in but... it wants it at different times doesn't it? So you can't give it fertiliser.
[Alison:] Well I still think that... well say you have a big massive thing and, and say it'd take... a hundred people... mm er I suppose the bigger it is the more economical it is. But if you only had a small place it'd be more economical to have labour than it would to buy... paying out thousands of pounds for machines and
[Herbert:] No you don't buy the, they come round and do it for you don't they?
[Alison:] Well alright then
[Herbert:] You hire it for a day... or whatever it is. It costs... just say for instance two hundred pounds for the tractor and, and his sprayer... and er the chemicals on top.... That's done your whole field... big field. Now that two hundred pound will only pay one man for a... for a week... to do the same thing.... And he's gotta do it a few times, so then the cost becomes... and, and you... like let's be fair, we've had summers where it's... the weeds er the weeds haven't grown, but you get a wet summer... and the weather warms and the wet and the weeds go peooow up like that.... So that's, and then it doesn't... stops
[Alison:] Well alright then, why can't he put bark on it?
[Herbert:] Well that, it costs.
[Alison:] from everywhere. Do it that way.
[Herbert:] But it's still costs isn't it? Well then if you put a lot of bark on it... and with vegetables, so they want [LAUGHTER] fertilizer []
[Alison:] Well
[Iris:] You don't know what I am.
[Herbert:] [LAUGHTER] I do I couldn't care less what you are Iris []
[Alison:] Did you know seven days?
[Iris:] In where?
[Alison:] In.
[Iris:] Oh aye, yeah.
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Alison:] And do you know what, if th if they don't vote, if you don't vote what you always have done.
[Herbert:] I know. That's why....
[Iris:] Yeah but if you have a secret vote how do they know what you voted for? They don't know.
[Herbert:] I know you have.
[Alison:] If you come round and
[Iris:] Well that's generations isn't it?... But how many youngsters take... take any notice of what their mam and dad says?
[Herbert:] Yeah but who, what...? He's had,offer offered to stand down... if he can get a younger person that will run it....
[Iris:] Put Sammy in.
[Herbert:] But that, I mean... he's offered to stand down. It's getting a bit of a nuisance to him... stuck there for twenty seven years.
[Alison:] Well he lives the life of luxury.... It's not a nuisance going off for his weekend break in the. No I mean weekend out there.
[Iris:] Oh me mam's back again now. I'll get you sorted out mum.
[Alison:] Between?
[Herbert:] Yeah by the... airport, yeah. And he has them cows and all that there, them... that was
[Iris:] Well I'll get you through with it then I can sort the tea out.
[speaker003:] Do you want now?
[Iris:] Yeah and then Herbert and Alison won't be long.
[Herbert:] Where did we go on a Sunday and we passed there? And we, all them motorbikes was on er the edge.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Herbert:] That's where it is, aye.
[Alison:] Yeah, well we
[Iris:] the fish and everything's on.
[Herbert:] Yes but I thought his was the what's name there. It's the church there, there's some special church on his ground. Cos they was waiting to take it back weren't they?
[Alison:] Yeah well he, he said that... he goes there... he can grow his vegetables then.
[Herbert:] Well he's
[Iris:] Is your arm getting better now?
[speaker003:] You what love?
[Iris:] Getting better now?
[speaker003:] Aye getting better now.
[Iris:] Chris' ll be off on Wednesday.
[speaker003:] I can move me arm about and do me exercises and... couple of weeks I'll be getting fighting fit.
[Herbert:] now, well you know where we're up to. You know what's [LAUGHTER] Well I [].
[Alison:] Oh alright then, so if John Major gets elected then I'll still
[Herbert:] Yeah. No because you're paying extra thirty five pence for
[Alison:] Alright then, so I'm gonna have one pound sixty five a week?
[Herbert:] Yeah. Providing you don't put any petrol in your vehicle. And you don't do any drinking.... Fine, so you've got that.
[Alison:] That, that'll suit me. I, I won't put no petrol in the vehicle then and I won't do no drinking. Okay?
[Herbert:] Course Stuart's going to be one thirty five down.... And even more when he gets his car back on the road, so
[Iris:] He's not putting his car back on the road. I don't know why he isn't....
[Herbert:] put his car back on the road....
[Alison:] . But I think once they've gone off the road now it's gonna be... gonna be worse when the, when the engine stops?... When you take anything off the road... left it a couple of days without running it, even on a Sunday, it'd be a harder to get it back going again on Monday.......
[Herbert:] Well the thing is if he can get four hundred quid why doesn't he get one of them new bikes that Sinclair's brought out?... Well, they run for an hour on a battery... without pedalling, three hours if you pedal. It's a bike... it's electric.... It's a battery. It's a bike and you go... like that to get it going and then you, it rides along. Isn't it?
[Iris:] I've no idea. I've not even
[Herbert:] four hundred and odd pounds.
[Alison:] Oh that's not bad is it? Cos you can pay that for a blooming mountain bike.
[Herbert:] Yeah. And it'll run for an hour... without pedalling. If you pedal you can get as much as three hours. A penny... it costs a penny to recharge it, it recharges in an hour.... So if you go No but if you go from here to work isn't it? Plug it in... in the what's name, pull lead off it and plug it in... and then it'll a penny, say here's a penny. And then he's ready to come back home again isn't he?... Plug it in here... give your mam a penny.
[Iris:] Er... give him a penny...
[Herbert:] That's what it is. Rechargeable battery....
[Alison:] Well say I moved and lived in Gambia. I'd be able vote there would I?
[Herbert:] No.... You've gotta be a resident of there....
[Alison:] If I lived there I mean... and bought a house....
[Herbert:] Well no, not necessary. You're classed as a foreigner. As an Englishman.
[Alison:] So all these Pakistanis and they can't vote?
[Herbert:] They're re once... no. If they but they come to live here don't they?
[Alison:] Well that's what I mean, if I went to live in Gambia. And I bought a house
[Herbert:] Ah but you've got a British passport.... You're not a resident of Gambia.... You're a British...
[Alison:] they don't know. And you can vote loads of times there. You're not on a register.
[Herbert:] They put a stamp on you.
[Alison:] Stamp on where?
[Herbert:] On your hand.
[Alison:] Well it must be able to wash off.
[Herbert:] Well aye
[Alison:] And you don't have to be twenty one either.
[Herbert:] You don't have to here, it's only eighteen here.
[Alison:] No but twenty one aren't you? You've got to be twenty one to vote there but if you're, you're eighteen and you go in and somebody else says you're twenty one you can vote....
[Herbert:] The... why the Pakistanis can vote in this country... they've got a British passport.
[Alison:] No but I mean... there are people that come in here and just living here.
[Herbert:] Yeah the Pakistanis! They've got British passports! This is what all the trouble's about, they've all got British passports.
[Alison:] Well why are they allowed to have a British passport?
[Herbert:] the empire we allowed them to have British passports didn't we? They can get them because they are British.
[Alison:] Pakistan's British?
[Herbert:] Well it was, it was in the empire. It's in the commonwealth isn't it? And Indians and all this. And this is why we're trying to stop them coming in.... There's ten thousand a week coming in....
[Alison:] Every week?
[Herbert:] [LAUGHTER]... They're coming in from everywhere. And this is what the, the what's name now... that when it's opened in nineteen ninety two... the communist block will be able to come through Germany this way in. Straight into this country. And be doing all our... they will be gonna come and do all the jobs that we don't want like in, in... catering and, and things like that. All the rough jobs. They get in here... then they bring their families and then they're gonna... fill the country up aren't they? It's only a little tiny country. The Conservatives are trying to stop it. Th they're trying to get it through, the bill through.
[Alison:] And Labour won't stop them?
[Herbert:] No, Labour will allow them in. Course, what you've got to think of, Conservatives are the one that started it in the first place. So they've gotta try and kill it off now. But the Labour won't. But they didn't start it. Some things are very complicated Alison. You've got to... thingybob all through everything.... Anything else you wanna know?
[Alison:] I think what I'll do is erm... when [LAUGHTER] totally confused about [] what they're gonna do and... who's gonna be what and
[Herbert:] Well you've got to weigh up that and you've got to read the manifesto... when it comes out. What they're going to do for you.
[Alison:] Yes but they don't put it in words like you put, they put it in blooming complicated language, but tell lies.
[Herbert:] Don't, read between the lines.... See me and your mum'll know that. We'll read between the lines....
[Iris:] Me and your mother not your mother and I. It's me and your mother.
[Alison:] Well that was, the other day? told him about that.
[Iris:] What?
[Alison:] You put Alison, Stuart and me Stuart, Alison and I. [LAUGHTER] He went oh is it? [LAUGHTER]...
[Iris:] Well what did he give it you to read for?
[Alison:] He was writing it, he was just sitting there.
[Iris:] Oh aye.... I wasn't gonna get one was I, no?
[Alison:] Yeah. Well he suggested it. He was sitting and he said oh I'll write Iris a few lines. But he said
[Herbert:] ?
[Alison:] Yeah he said, but the girl that was with him said that you were very highly honoured to have a letter that length cos usually she gets... dear... oh I her name's... what her but dear whoever, got loads to tell you, love Mario. [LAUGHTER] That's all she gets every time she gets a letter []. So she said you're highly honoured to have a letter that long. She's never seen one that long.
[Herbert:] O over this election, what you've gotta do is every night, is... if you're interested... is watch it for the first quarter of an hour of the news every night. And you will pick up so much then to what's going on.
[Alison:] Yeah but they tell lies!
[Herbert:] I know but
[Alison:] They're not gonna tell me if you vote, if you... if you vote for me I'm gonna... cut your wages and he, he's not gonna tell me
[Herbert:] No.
[Alison:] vote for me, I'm gonna cut your wages.
[Herbert:] Neil Kinnock will tell you what the Conservatives aren't gonna do.
[Alison:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER]
[Herbert:] So [LAUGHTER] John Major will tell you
[Alison:] Will tell me what
[Herbert:] they're gonna do. And, and [LAUGHTER] and Paddy Ashdown'll tell you what the other two aren't gonna do. [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] They don't tell you what they're gonna do, they just tell you what the other ones aren't gonna do [].
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Which doesn't mean that they're gonna do it does it?
[Herbert:] Well no [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] It just means that they're not gonna do it [].
[Herbert:] Yeah. And they're all gonna tell lies and it's gonna be... the dirtiest election that there's ever been, this. There can't be a dirtier one than this because they've started already.
[Alison:] Do they're all gonna tell lies.
[Herbert:] And they're gonna tell lies and it's gonna be a dirty lies.
[Alison:] So it's not [LAUGHTER]. So you're not gonna pick up anything [].
[Herbert:] It's going to be the dirtiest election. They're going to mu throw mud at everybody. Everybody's going to be what's named and this that and the other.... Glenys will be what's named running up and down the wall. They're going to,th they have a go at her don't they, Glenys? [LAUGHTER] And Neil, let's be fair [LAUGHTER]...
[Alison:] I mean they have a go at all of them. it's not gonna be right for somebody isn't it? I think if god come back down and to be prime minister he's not gonna be right for everybody is he?
[Herbert:] Oh. They was on about this [LAUGHTER] [] and er... they was on about that. That was a thing that come on and they said... now when if... when god was here and he did a miracle of the loaves and the fishes... somebody would turn round and say there was no salt and vinegar. [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] and then [] and then he said when he turned the wine, they would say well we wanted white wine not red wine. [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] Well it is true though isn't it? Whoever it, whoever it is it's not gonna be right for everybody.
[Herbert:] [LAUGHTER] Oh god! But it, that was on here. Because he was... doing complaining and all that then this, this one... er Roger said that. [LAUGHTER] wouldn't be any salt and vinegar.... Or somebody would have said well we wanted brown bread, not white bread [].... Well Alison let's go and get...
[Stuart:] What we did was... he draws them out every morning... cos I collared him... stuck the towels over his shoulders and said just put us them over there. Didn't I?
[Mary:] Yeah but was he bringing them out for other people as well?
[Stuart:] Yeah.
[Mary:] He wouldn't let them have them out when we were there. You couldn't fetch them from the pool. We wasn't carrying
[Alison:] No these weren't the pool ones were they?
[Stuart:] No.
[Alison:] They were somewhere else.
[Stuart:] On the right hand side, you come out and on to the patio, you could get them from down the garden there.
[Alison:] You know where we was before? The other time we went.
[Stuart:] By the pelican....
[Alison:] From down there.
[Mary:] Did, [cough]
[Stuart:] No.
[Alison:] yeah.
[Mary:] And carrying them all the way to the [cough]
[Stuart:] Yeah.
[Alison:] To the beach.
[Mary:] Did you give him anything?
[Stuart:] No.
[Alison:] . Oh we give him a fiver.
[Stuart:] No we didn't.
[Alison:] We did.
[Stuart:] I thought he was.
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER]
[Mary:] That was another thing. You said about buying Jimmy a drink. What time was it you were buying Jimmy drinks?
[Stuart:] All day.
[Mary:] Well he shouldn't have been having drinks.... Well perhaps that's why the other bloke got so funny with him.... Just check he's got enough fags up there will you?...
[Herbert:] Your mum wants to know if you've got your vest on.
[Alison:] Yeah....
[Iris:] And your liberty bodice....
[Herbert:] She's got her dad's, dad's vest on and dad's longjohns.
[Iris:] And longjohns....
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Oh...
[Herbert:] hundred and twenty. Oh god! Two hundred
[Iris:] What's two hundred?
[Herbert:] hundred and twenty.
[Alison:] What?
[Iris:] What?
[Herbert:] No but he said two hundred and twenty minimum wage.
[Stuart:] lot of people
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Stuart:] Who's switched this front light off?...
[Iris:] You have
[Stuart:] I haven't been in here.
[Iris:] Have you done it?
[Stuart:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Oh. Well what you shouting about then?...
[speaker003:] ...
[Herbert:] Oh I didn't te forgot to tell you about the taxi guy who came. with er. Stops the car... gets out... open the door.... [LAUGHTER]. And then he stopped again do his pools.
[Alison:] Do you want me to make him his tea?
[Iris:] Yeah you can do.
[Alison:] Cos you can but nobody's gonna make them are they?
[Herbert:] er I don't know which one to order with them. I can't get hold of her now. We've gotta order the stuff before we can do it.... And she didn't say which?
[Iris:] No she just said carry on.
[Herbert:] Oh.
[Iris:] Couldn't you get hold of her yesterday?
[Herbert:] No....
[Iris:] Is this right? Have a look at this.
[Herbert:] What's that?... One's with and one's with new stuff. I think she wants the new stuff. But... Are you gonna get them?...
[Iris:] You want the key to the car don't you?...
[Herbert:] Pardon?
[Iris:] If you want, if you're going in the car the keys inside....
[Alison:] It's just one I'm taking out and lying on the floor.... What?... I'll just tea up there cos she has a tablet doesn't she?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Can she have one after?
[Iris:] No, I'll give it to her.
[Alison:] Er or shall I leave her a piece up there and give her her tea cos she knows it's ready?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Okay.
[Iris:] You can get days where you feel more tired than others don't you?... But you had a late night last night. Yeah. Come on little 'un.... Pardon?
[Alison:] ...
[Iris:] What do you mean he looks better as a woman? He's a handsome lad.
[Stuart:] But you never know do you?
[Iris:] What do you mean? Geroff
[Stuart:] ...
[Iris:] Alison.
[Alison:] What?
[Iris:] Come here because they'll be here shortly.
[Stuart:] . Come on in. In here.... Come!...
[Alison:] What have you done with? They're all. Look at little snuggles.
[Stuart:] We're only trying it out.
[Alison:] What's happened?
[Stuart:] Double exposure.
[Alison:] Two people?... What, look at little snuggles.... Aah....
[Stuart:] Jason, his name was.
[Alison:] No it wasn't.
[Stuart:] ...
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] I look like a witch there.... Bit like me mother.
[Stuart:] No but you didn't have a tan though did you?... That was the first morning that was.
[Alison:] Look at that one.... Oh my god! You look like you've got [LAUGHTER] all over... [].
[Stuart:] This, this was supposed to be a... a sexy
[Alison:] That was a
[Stuart:] adoring look. Yeah, must agree I'm not very good at adoring looks.
[Alison:] Oh I look like a model there. [LAUGHTER]
[Stuart:] This was that first morning wasn't it? That'll be Thursday morning this.
[Alison:] Where you look like. There, look at that face and the fag in me hand. That's. That's me mother.
[Stuart:] There's one of you sneezing in there. And there's Barry oh don't take pictures. Oh don't....... Look,
[Iris:] Well he never got embarrassed. Why didn't you have your photo took like that with them?
[Stuart:] I had to stand up and bloody do that... Suzie's... how does it go?... How does it go, that?... That
[Alison:] One
[Stuart:] One
[Alison:] smart fellow
[Stuart:] one smart fellow he felt smart. One smart fellow he felt smart. One smart fellow he smell fa... Well he kept looking at me didn't he?
[Alison:] Good that, isn't it?
[Stuart:] No, I've gotta show you this one this way.
[Iris:] They're not bad at all....
[Stuart:] Here you are, look.... when I took it.
[Iris:] Didn't go where?
[Stuart:] To this compound you didn't see before. Well if you get the others out you'll know that... this was all bush wasn't it here? And he didn't have the wall up....
[Iris:] Barry's look. Upside down.
[Alison:] Oh he does it upside down
[Iris:] He's and holding on to.
[Stuart:] her eyes out when he went....
[Alison:] That's a nice.... [LAUGHTER] nice.
[Iris:] He was there when we were there.
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] Only take three [].
[Stuart:] Only take three.
[Alison:] It'll only take three.... [LAUGHTER] When I got up, when I come back for me things me knickers were full of sand
[Iris:] Well you're out at the edge of the sand aren't you?
[Stuart:] She was frightened to death....
[Alison:] Oh that's the one where you said turn round
[Stuart:] Yeah, have you seen his nose?... Study the end of his nose.
[Alison:] Oh he's got a
[Stuart:] [LAUGHTER] It's like a big boil.... And this is the posters... probably taken them... well you can't zoom very well can you?... That's a good one....
[Alison:] Well where's the one I took of you in the tree?
[Stuart:] It might be on the other ones.... Oh the two of us in the tree?
[Alison:] Yeah.... Look at him there. Oh my god.
[Stuart:] Look at me leg! [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] What happened to me leg []?
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] It's bent....
[Stuart:] I couldn't fit them all in....
[Iris:] now.
[Stuart:] Oh no....
[Alison:] These are dreadful aren't they?
[Stuart:] What?
[Alison:] These here....
[Stuart:] Well I was only experimenting.... There's no ba... that's a
[Alison:] Oh it's dreadful. That is.
[Stuart:] That's a belter that. Oh I like that one.
[Alison:] Dreadful. And that's dreadful. I look like a witch there.
[Stuart:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER] What's new? [LAUGHTER]... Ow!... Your mother looks wonderful in them though doesn't she?... Absolutely wonderful. Your mother looks well on these photographs though. Your father's a nice chap as well. He looks absolutely grand.
[Iris:] What?
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] What have you said on there now?...
[Alison:] He stands over me and says I'm not doing it then he stands over me... oh god it's gone, it's gone, it's... oh look pick them up, oh what's he gonna do? Oh how many do you want? Five... [LAUGHTER] Don't you []?
[Gordon:] Yeah it's like
[Alison:] Mother
[Gordon:] you Alison.
[Alison:] Mother, if you want to
[Gordon:] Answer phone.
[Alison:] do it you ring up next time.... And where's nan going off?
[Gordon:] She's like you when you're... when I'm on the phone. You don't have anybody interfering with you when you're answer the phone.
[Alison:] Well... Aren't you gonna get changed?
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER] That's it.... You'd know... you'd know what you'd had to go through if you.
[Gordon:] Ooh!
[Iris:] Ooh!
[Gordon:] Dear me. Go away.
[Alison:] on the phone mum. She's not comi oh what do you want me to do, pick her up and carry her over to the house?... God Stuart, you are stupid.
[Stuart:] I didn't like to mention it but she er... came in yellow thing
[Iris:] What yellow thing?...
[Stuart:] No no no no no. It had some yellow... stuff all over it.... Whatever it was.
[Iris:] They use er herbs or leaves or...
[Stuart:] Spices.... There's your mother there look....
[Mary:] He's ninety odd isn't he Alan? Him.
[Alison:] Seventy
[Stuart:] Sixty.
[Mary:] No he's ninety odd.
[Alison:] Oh yeah ninety. When he had Birani
[Mary:] Cos seventy odd when he had Birani. Yeah.
[Stuart:] He's Birani's dad?
[Alison:] Dad, yeah. And the twins's dad....
[Stuart:] Eh?
[Alison:] And the twins's dad.
[Stuart:] The twins's dad?
[Iris:] Yes the twins.
[Alison:] You know the two baby twins?
[Iris:] The dad is the father of the twins.
[Alison:] He's the father of the twins. They're Birani's brothers aren't they?
[Iris:] Well half because second wife.
[Stuart:] Well who's the one
[Alison:] Second wife.
[Stuart:] Who's the one, the one with the
[Alison:] Yeah.... Because them twins Them twins were on... on the No they're the twins that were hanging off that young girl weren't they?
[Stuart:] Yeah.
[Alison:] On that young girl.
[Stuart:] Suckling. Suckling. Suckle.
[Alison:] Yeah. They were hanging off this young girl.
[Iris:] Well they do feed one another 's you know, it's called families.
[Alison:] Yeah well...
[Iris:] Well I don't know.. I could do a better job than you and Diane....
[Stuart:] There's your mother. [LAUGHTER] That's a typical. [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] I was probably snarling at you then.
[Stuart:] Yeah actually because I was.
[Iris:] Well I was looking at you and I'm snarling at you... stop bloody messing like you always are messing.
[Alison:] Look at him there. He looks... a picture of innocence doesn't he? That man there....
[speaker003:] ...
[Iris:] That's the ashtray. [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] Pardon? No.
[Gordon:] Here's that, here's that er lounger, look. Twenty four ninety nine....
[Alison:] four ninety nine. what's on the collar?
[Iris:] The collar and the sleeves.
[Stuart:] Here's your mother here look.
[Iris:] You probably.
[Stuart:] No, I'm.... [LAUGHTER] What are you doing with... a begging bowl round your neck []?... Here you are
[Iris:] Eh!...
[Stuart:] Only joking....
[Alison:] You owe me for this candy, the mother.
[Iris:] Yeah. Well take it off the you owe me.
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] Oh alright....
[Stuart:] He was there in the hotel because
[Iris:] What mum, what do you want?...
[Alison:] Stuart!
[Stuart:] . He was celebrating because he'd just had a.
[Alison:] Do you wanna lolly ice mum?... It's the last one. Are you gonna take it out me mouth?... Now I'm mister topsy-turvy. won't it? Mister topsy-turvy.
[Gordon:] Other way
[Iris:] Well he won't have much to do with the greengages the night he's going.
[Gordon:] Hey I'll be the soul of discretion.
[Iris:] Yeah....
[Alison:] No chocolate ones left.... Half past four you stupid
[Stuart:] Half past four! I'll be then.... I've gotta have a look at that.
[Alison:] Oh, which one? Well do you wanna go down and have a look at that now?... While there's workmen there?
[Stuart:] Why haven't they finished yet?
[Alison:] [cough]
[Stuart:] ?
[Alison:] No. No!
[Stuart:] Alright
[Alison:] It's got all they've got all leaded windows.
[Stuart:] Yeah?
[Alison:] Have you seen? They've got all, you know, plants in there Come on then we'll go and have a look at that.
[Stuart:] Well I'm gonna have a... word with him. No I'll be... Is your dad
[Alison:] Yes!
[Iris:] Have you finished er...
[Alison:] No.
[Gordon:] Messing about.
[Iris:] Are you going up tomorrow?...
[Stuart:] I'll have to put these er in here.... And your mother's got this tape player on here. Your fantastic mother has got this tape player on here.
[Iris:] Yes. Well if you
[Stuart:] Isn't she a wonderful mother?
[Iris:] If you'd tape it for me you wouldn't have, I wouldn't have to have
[Stuart:] Isn't she such a wonderful mother-in-law? What a wonderful mother-in-law I have got. I have got.... Isn't she absolutely wonderful?... Just going to the... toilet, mother. Won't be long. Okay yah.
[Iris:] come here love.
[Alison:] Then you just have to pay a charge don't you?
[Iris:] Where's me... glasses? I brought them in here last night.... They're blinking somewhere.......
[Alison:] ...
[Iris:] It's got all over it. ... oh they're bloody looking at me. On the flaming desk.
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] You must have moved them from up there.
[Iris:] Which is this one? Does... ha haven't you got one on, on that one you've been to see, no?
[Alison:] Yeah that's down the road....
[Iris:] Where's it say? Let's have a look. Put, show...
[Alison:] In the lounge.... an electric meter.
[Iris:] Well you've gotta have an electric meter in every house love....
[Alison:] Erm not a ten pence one?
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER] No.
[Alison:] Oh.... I thought it was one of them.
[Iris:] It means it's inside, ours is outside....
[Alison:] Oh I thought it was one of them fifty pence ones.
[Iris:] Well what difference does it make?
[Alison:] Well I thought it'd be better if
[Iris:] I don't understand the double panelled radiators not presently connected. I don't know what it means... whether it's electric or... wait a minute there's some more.... Did you knock on that door?
[Alison:] There's nobody living there....
[Iris:] Oh that's funny....
[Alison:] I think they might have split up....
[Iris:] Well that's what's happening all the while isn't it?
[Alison:] I liked that one though....
[Iris:] Yeah well you'll not get it much less than that....
[Alison:] It's a... a bigger, but I think again... you're walking straight into the lounge I think. I'm not sure....
[Iris:] You are.
[Alison:] Are you?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] And your stairs going up....
[Iris:] Just a minute.... No, the dining room. You put your... staircase into the dining room. Says here.
[Alison:] Oh, so your lounge is at the back?
[Iris:] I don't know, to be honest....
[Alison:] It seems a bit funny for me cos I'd have thought the kitchen was at the back so then you'd have your dining room then.
[Iris:] Yeah but people don't always want like that.
[Alison:] Yeah but
[Iris:] Cos your Auntie Dorothy has her dining room in the front. And the lounge at the back doesn't she? Or she did do. Now she's got it the other way about
[Alison:] Changed it the other way round.
[Iris:] hasn't she? Yeah....
[Alison:] But erm... you can have it as you want can't you?
[Iris:] Yeah.... [reading] Natural brick fireplace with tiled hearth and [] nice
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Coal fire.
[Iris:] open fire. Give her half you can always
[Alison:] you've ate all my cornflakes. She doesn't usually eat the cornflakes does she?
[Iris:] You can have er you could always have an electric one in there.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] No problem.... Dining room. [reading] Coved and panelled ceiling... with central light natural brick fire grate []. You've got a fire grate in there as well. [reading] With timber mantel housing radiation high speed super gas fire in surround []. It's got a gas fire in that
[Alison:] Oh yeah.
[Iris:] [reading] Two thirteen amp sockets, telephone point, understairs storage cupboard... with shelving and hanging space []. So you've got th the... the stairs are
[Alison:] Boxed off.
[Iris:] Yeah. Boxed in.... [reading] Open plan staircase leading to first floor. Double panel radiator not presently connected []. I don't know... well if it, there's gas fire that, well all it means is they've had it in but the gas isn't connected... to the... you probably haven't got a boiler. Let's have a look....
[Alison:] I was thinking though er... [cough] will we be alright with gas?
[Iris:] We've got gas here.... You've got an electrical point.
[Alison:] Oh is there?
[Iris:] Yeah. [reading] Ample supply of power points. Complementary hard wall tiling. Textured walls and fitted [].
[Alison:] Have you been in there?
[Iris:] They're big houses them up.... Well you've got eleven by six foot kitchen. You've got an eleven by eight foot... dining room and you've got a twelve by ten foot, ten and a half foot lounge....
[Alison:] Oh
[Iris:] So the lounge is, is er... as wide as ours.... And you've got that staircase is in
[Alison:] The dining room.
[Iris:] in the dining room....
[Alison:] Well where's the bathroom, upstairs or down?...
[Iris:] Yeah bathroom
[Alison:] Upstairs or down?
[Iris:] Upstairs.... You've got two bigger bedrooms. You've got telephone points all over the house.
[Alison:] Telephone?
[Iris:] Ye telephone points.... [reading] Well fitted... with fitted suite comprising bath with Redring... []. You've got a shower. Does that one have a shower across there?
[Alison:] Yeah. Didn't it?
[Iris:] I don't know.
[Alison:] Hanging over the bath.
[Iris:] Oh....
[Alison:] That's in white though the... [cough] the bathroom suite in there is in white.
[Iris:] Well it doesn't matter. The bathr er you can't beat a white bathroom suite anyway....
[Alison:] Well if I wanted to change it that'd be no problem....
[Iris:] Why would it not be a problem?
[Alison:] Well. Cos he chucked one away the other day because it had a little chip in it. Cos they're not allowed to put anything in that's not perfect are they?
[Iris:] Well you're dad's not allowed to put them in the van and bring them home either?
[Alison:] He is. He asked him.
[Iris:] Yeah?
[Alison:] He said do you wanna take it. He asked everybody if they wanted to take it. It was a peach one. It was nice it was....
[Iris:] What, just an ordinary one?
[Alison:] Yeah a.
[Iris:] Eh?
[Alison:] Just an ordinary one not a corner one.... Well it depends how big the bathroom. Would I be able to fit a corner one in?
[Iris:] I don't know.
[Alison:] I'm not used to these little titchy baths. And I don't like the metal ones cos they get cold don't they?
[Iris:] What get cold?
[Alison:] Metal baths.
[Iris:] You'll not get a ba metal bath now. They putting them in there?... Was that a metal?
[Alison:] No that was plastic.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Never mind about that, with it being an old house cos Judy's was a metal bath and it was blooming freezing.... Only up to where the water if you put your back on it it was freezing.
[Iris:] Ooh well get a pillow.... For god's sake.... Which one is it, that one?
[Alison:] Yeah. No.
[Iris:] That one?
[Alison:] Yeah.... No. That one.... But you've gotta go round there to get to the back garden.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] But
[Iris:] Well who lives there?
[Alison:] I don't know but it's somebody with a motorbike. And I had a look inside and they've got the kitchen done out in like erm... light wood.
[Iris:] You had a look inside where?
[Alison:] In her house. And she's got
[Iris:] Why did she take you in?
[Alison:] No. And she's
[Iris:] Well he might have been in.
[Alison:] . And she's got one of them erm like a stable door inside. You know inside a proper wooden door with a latch. Inside because your kitchen sort of comes out doesn't it? Have you been there?
[Iris:] No.
[Alison:] The kitchen comes out a bit at the back.
[Iris:] I've been in one of the houses, that's how I know it was big, before it was done up.
[Alison:] The kitchen comes out at the back. But there's only a very small garden.
[Iris:] Well you don't want a big garden....
[Alison:] And it needs a
[Iris:] You've got the pull-in there to park haven't you?
[Alison:] Yeah. But we had a look last night. There's not much spaces left.... I don't know who parks there to be honest.... And dad could knock me off on the way to... get the papers.... Take him for a walk
[Iris:] Well you can get a telephone. You've got all the points. It just means buying a telephone and plugging it in. And all you pay for is the points then. You don't pay for the telephone do you?
[Alison:] You don't pay for the connecti oh you just pay for the connector thing.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] You don't pay for the...
[Iris:] Which is about fifteen pounds. Well don't set your mind on that.... Cos I don't think Stuart wants to live... Well you can't do anything yet....
[Alison:] Stuart liked this one across the road.... That one at least you
[Iris:] It's a better house.
[Alison:] that one you have got only somebody one side of you, you're not attached to the other person....
[Iris:] Oh you'd know it if you lived next door to. Isn't he noisy, ooh. What do you mean? Putting gas in?
[Alison:] No.
[Iris:] Oh....
[Alison:] You couldn't put a porch on the front of that.
[Iris:] [reading] Tarmacadamed frontage with boundary brick wall. Tied access to reach the rear garden lai laid to lawn with flower and shrub borders [].
[Alison:] Bloody jungle.
[Iris:] [reading] Flagged footpath. Mature privet screen hedge and mature []. Is it a bigger garden than that one across the road?
[Alison:] No it's smaller. Same sort of thing, long and narrow. And it's got a bigger shed as well....
[Iris:] [reading] Timber shed and light power. And light connected. board utility area with exterior courtesy light. Freehold with vacant possession on co []. So it's empty?
[Alison:] Mm.... It's got quite a big shed at the back.
[Iris:] Well you can't see property unless you go in it.... Well can't he get an idea as to when he's gonna get his money?... What is she doing, remortgaging the house?
[Alison:] Mm.... about three months....
[Iris:] Deeds are in her name?
[Alison:] No.
[Iris:] Well yes he's signed it over to her hasn't he?... She's gotta do it sooner or later....
[Alison:] But I can't see why she's changed her solicitor.
[Iris:] Well I can cos he's no bloody good.... What are you doing there love? Eh?
[Alison:] She's being naughty as usual.
[Iris:] What are you sitting there for?
[Alison:] She's had a ryvita and cornflakes... Haven't you?...
[Iris:] Well you can't keep getting the lady out can you?
[Alison:] Course you can.... Where's the other papers Alison? Pardon?
[Iris:] Where's the other papers? Oh.... Where are you mum? Oh.... Do you want another drink mum?... Papers love!
[Alison:] Yeah. Mummy, where's the paper?
[Iris:] Round the back here.
[Alison:] Well, I mean, this is important to read this than turn up at the garage.
[Iris:] How much is that?
[Alison:] Four two nine nine five.
[Iris:] Ey I was looking at that one.
[Alison:] It looks quite good that.
[Iris:] It's round the back.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Well how many was there on.
[Alison:] Loads.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Got... Cos I went down with dad as well didn't I?... Well we went round and erm... we went had a look at them new houses as well.
[Iris:] Which new houses?
[Alison:] Them erm, new houses.
[Iris:] Mm.... And how much were they? When did you go with your dad?
[Alison:] Monday.... They're the ones I've been looking.
[Iris:] Got a modern fitted kitchen.... You got a
[Alison:] That's got a Turkish bathroom.
[Iris:] Well that doesn't matter!... And you got a double gla, you got double glazing throughout there!
[Alison:] Mm.... And a garage in the front garden.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] And it's not overlooked.
[Iris:] there, yeah.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] Got a hall.
[Alison:] Yep.
[Iris:] You've got all the radiators to
[Alison:] I know, that's the main thing.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] as yours.
[Iris:] That's a big one!
[Alison:] Does it go?
[Iris:] No, not by width.... Width, you got the width and the length there.
[Alison:] And look, you've got a dining room.
[Iris:] Well can't you step in?
[Alison:] ... This is metric.... How many metres is... the lounge then?... Five... five and a half by four and half metres.
[Iris:] But how many metres is the dining room?... Four... three.
[Alison:] About four and a half
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] .
[Iris:] Put the ruler down the wall love, and then you won't have to stretch.
[Alison:] It won't stretch.
[Iris:] Four... yeah....
[Alison:] And you've got er... the bedroom.
[Iris:] Where?... You got the staircase in there but you will have got ornamental wrought iron... [reading estate agent's details] leading to first floor archway to your dining room [].... That's ten foot by eight foot, will be the back.... [reading] Central heating radiators, two sockets, central heating thermostat []. Your thermostat's in the dining room.
[Alison:] Right.... And you've got a ten foot by nine foot kitchen.
[Iris:] Kitchen.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] [reading] Comprises extensive range of wall, drawer and base units finished in wooden set with marble... effect roll topped work surface []. Oh well that's your cooker point.... [reading] Enamel sink and mixer tap inserted [], like mine.... [reading] Insert into work surface []. So it's....... [reading] Complementary
[Alison:] Cupboards
[Iris:] tiling to splash back and prepared preparation areas [].... They could turn out that for what it'd cost us to tile them!
[Alison:] I know.
[Iris:] [reading] Seven mount sockets... plumbing for an automatic washing machine [], which is... something. [reading] Fluorescent light fittings, entrance door, and cork tile floor [].... You could
[Alison:] And you've got your
[Iris:] You got all double glazing see! You got a....
[Alison:] And you've got your own, landing.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Not in eventually.
[Iris:] water cylinder with emersion heater fitted.
[Alison:] And it's got eleven foot by nine foot... bedroom.
[Iris:] Bedroom... with central heated radiator, and the sockets, and the coved ceiling. That means it's the got the... l, like ours you've got
[Alison:] Artexing.
[Iris:] you know the, no, it's coved.... Because i... at the top... it's not straight up to the
[Alison:] Oh right.... Got that funny bit round the edge.
[Iris:] Mm.
[Alison:] And the second bedroom's ten foot by nine
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] foot.
[Iris:] Two sockets and, and your radiator.
[Alison:] And own bedroom, they're quite cheap.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] So... same as that.
[Iris:] Bathroom is six feet... you've gotta add your bath.
[Alison:] We'll have an extension to it, wouldn't we?
[Iris:] Oh it's nice, that!
[Alison:] Mm.... With shower and shower curtain.
[Iris:] Yeah, fitted.
[Alison:] Wall tiles in bath and shower areas and
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] radiator.
[Iris:] What's that thing?
[Alison:] Access to these I suppose.
[Iris:] Mm.
[Alison:] And... we've gotta that onto erm... see about a telephone.
[Iris:] .
[Alison:] Including telephone point.
[Iris:] [reading] Good garden laid to lawn, concrete driveway and parking for several vehicles, garage.... A metal door... timber gates to rear garden [].... So that's patio... [reading] barbecue area [], so it means it's all done like this.... [reading] Ornamental wall with steps to rear garden.
[Alison:] Yeah, must be something similar to this.... And the
[Iris:] Laid to lawn with mature shrub border and fruit trees... and a lock timber fencing [].
[Alison:] Sounds quite good from that
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] doesn't it?
[Iris:] You've got your own in the front.... Still that doesn't matter.... You've got your... you've got a
[Alison:] We can put a... put loads of daffs down middle and, you can put a... hedge or something in the front can't you?
[Iris:] Yeah, or just the.
[Alison:] Well what about?
[Iris:] Well it's... fastened off at the back isn't it? You're not gonna get out!
[Alison:] You're alright Kimmy you can go in the back garden.... You've just gotta think about these things Kimmy haven't we?
[Iris:] Ha!... God!... It's been reduced so I doubt if you'd get a reduction.... Where's my... lighter love? You've... managed
[Alison:] There.
[Iris:] to walk off with lighters!
[Alison:] It's gone........ See this one here is something similar.
[Iris:] Well okay, you could have a... you could, you could have the chance all there and th you... get charged near hundred and fifty quid, but you're getting all that extra!
[Alison:] There might be some things in here.... Yeah, that'll be
[Iris:] Probably be a mortgage on that.
[Alison:] This is a twenty four foot by eleven foot lounge in this one!... But that's forty three!
[Iris:] Ey it comes with
[Alison:] Been reduced
[Iris:] dining room!
[Alison:] No.
[Iris:] I, it comes... it is!
[Alison:] No, you've got a lounge and dining area.
[Iris:] Yes.
[Alison:] But the... the bathroom is quite....
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Eleven foot by nine foot.... And that's... electric.
[Iris:] It's gas.... Gas superpoint and electric heater.
[Alison:] Oh, does it say that's?
[Iris:] Yeah.... What erm
[Alison:] The bedroom....... That all sounds the best one up to now doesn't it?... And that one over.
[Iris:] Where's that?
[Alison:] .... Cos at least there you've got... a bit more garden... you've got a garage... and then
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] it's semi-detached!
[Iris:] You've also got the double glazing!
[Alison:] And you've got
[Iris:] Which is twelve thousand pound anyway!... To get it double glazed.... Plus all the.
[Alison:] How much did you pay?
[Iris:] Where's your nana?
[Alison:] Here.
[Iris:] Where's here?
[Alison:] In the kitchen.
[Iris:] Well, when you're ready love, your nana's ready!
[Alison:] Yeah, gotta go to.
[Iris:] Where's Road Mum?
[Mary:] Where's what?
[Iris:] Road?
[Mary:] Er er... that's from the cross onwards.... Daisy Hill.... On down Daisy Hill.
[Iris:] Oh, well that must be that road down by Daisy Hill.
[Mary:] But they are... eighties in Road, isn't there?
[Iris:] Yeah but it must be coming up the Daisy Hill.
[Alison:] Yeah, I know where that is. Across the road here... a bit further up is erm... the old people's home isn't it?
[Iris:] Oh, I thought it was down there. They're nice all round.
[Alison:] ... And that's got parking space as well, you must go round the back or something....
[Iris:] There's a line.
[Alison:] Yeah.... I'll just go and measure your... ba, bedrooms.... Bye!
[Iris:] Yeah, but you've gotta me, don't forget we've got fitted wardrobes, so it's going by... it's taking space off for the wardrobe.
[Alison:] I know. It's the same size as yours up to the wardrobe... and up to the door.... So it's a bit small.
[Iris:] But there's a big garden with it as well! Thirty five.
[Alison:] But that don't say how big the garden is there though do they?
[Iris:] you've got a toilet outside as well.... It says [reading estate agent's details] large... extensive compliance.... Those.... It's got a brick built storage outbuilding for your garden.... trees and gateway leading to vehicular access road, access road.... Side and rear boundary support [].... Whoever designed that don't like gardening!
[Alison:] Well it's the best one.
[Iris:] You've got, ah, but you've got no plants in this one.
[Alison:] Yeah, what I like, the thing with this one is that... we wouldn't have again would we?
[Iris:] No.
[Alison:] It's over five thousand more though.... But me and Nige are saving up hard... to get some extra money or... put another twenty thousand down.
[Iris:] Well once you've got it... you still ne... that extra to furnish it.... Can't you?... You only want a three piece suite and carpet.... Without carpets in this one. Yeah.... Are you ca... if you....
[Alison:] Shall I go and knock on the door and ask?
[Iris:] No! You've gotta go through these an,an, see that one.... They'll tell you to book.... You want something like that.... Other than that... you'd get rid of that one again, but you wouldn't have move would you?
[Alison:] Well no.... Three bedrooms.
[Iris:] Yeah.... And it's been reduced.
[Alison:] Probably want a quick sale anyway.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] In the position he could be.
[Iris:] Yeah but you don't have to move into it straight away do you?
[Alison:] But as... this, how do we pay the mortgage and ma make out of it?
[Iris:] Yeah but I mean... you could leave it a while till you got some
[Alison:] Furniture.
[Iris:] bits and bobs.... You can't even... he probably, he, he couldn't, you don't have to it... they can give you
[Alison:] The thing is if they're still in it... it's even better isn't it?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Cos they've kept the heating and everything.
[Iris:] Yeah.... What er,se, oh it's double glazed is it?
[Alison:] And on top of that
[Iris:] There's no central hea, ah yeah there is!... No there isn't!... Ey central heating radi
[Alison:] Heating system.... central heating radiators.....
[Iris:] But it doesn't say what.
[Alison:] Central heating radiator in the dining room.
[Iris:] Yeah.... Central heating thermostat, but it doesn't say what... heating it is!
[Alison:] Probably li, like that last houses was.
[Iris:] Yeah.... Yeah, you only wanna buy their three piece suite off of them.... Wouldn't you?
[Alison:] Cos we don't really need the dining room, we eat in here.
[Iris:] And you'd be better off... erm... getting fitted wardrobes and that because... from M F I.
[Alison:] Do you think it's got fitted wardrobes... fit in?
[Iris:] Of course, fitted wardrobes will fit in anywhere!
[Alison:] Yeah, but I wanna buy, it's the same size as your bedroom up to the wardrobes and up to the door.
[Iris:] Without, without the... the fitted
[Alison:] Yeah, no... with.... Up to the wardrobes where yours are fitted.... I'll go and measure mine.... Bye!... Yours is gonna be as long isn't it? As yours.... But a little bit narrower isn't it?
[Iris:] Yeah, but you'd only have to have one.... You wouldn't have to have them either side like I've got. And pe, places look bigger without all this junk in them you know!
[Alison:] Oh it isn't!
[Iris:] Alison, if you go now love you'll miss the traffic.
[Alison:] Okay....
[Iris:] You what?
[Alison:] The one up here, the three bedroomed one.
[Iris:] Against that thirty eight.
[Alison:] .
[Iris:] The... bedroom, kitchen, dining room and a.... And a, and it's double glazed and! They've got none of that stuff there have they? No it isn't, it's got a old gas... er... gas fire there.
[Alison:] Oh.... I'm gonna choose!
[Iris:] Yeah, but okay, you don't wanna have the what's the names do you!
[Alison:] .
[Iris:] Let's have a look at it again please!
[Alison:] Show it dad and he'll have a look when he gets home.
[Iris:] Well if we re, everything ready in the van for your nan and that to get in?
[Alison:] Yeah.... And there's in the downstairs.
[Iris:] What?
[Alison:] The bedroom.
[Iris:] Oh well we've got three kids in the big bedrooms haven't we Alison!
[Alison:] Right, I'll just go and get changed now.
[Iris:] You don't mind Alison taking you home?
[Mary:] No, I don't mind.
[Iris:] No, you've gotta give it me back, I'm gonna.
[Mary:] Oh.
[Iris:] Hope she looks after you....... Perhaps she'll help come in with you.
[Mary:] Yes.
[Iris:] She's stupid! She!... She's going now and gonna leave me this old crap on the table!.... What? Yeah.... No, I haven't.... I've, no I'm gonna give this to.... If it was me.....
[Mary:] .
[Iris:] And!... Are you coming with me, yeah!
[Mary:] But at least when this bloke comes tonight you've got something for him.
[Iris:] Especially what he's.
[Mary:] You haven't been out.
[Iris:] Well I ain't had a... on the same rate as me!... blue... they should have the same, like mine!... Wouldn't you?
[Alison:] And then Kimmy can come and visit and play in the garden! That would be nice wouldn't it?
[Mary:] and go to bank and see what it would cost you for.
[Alison:] It's
[Iris:] Yeah.... Well yo, you borrow your money on the house till your... mor, till it comes through.... Uncle Keith did that.
[Alison:] Well do you think it's a lot?
[Iris:] Well I don't, he said
[Alison:] It depends on, on the houses.
[Iris:] Well you've got an appoint, you're gotta go, have an appointment to go and see somebody there aren't you? And then in the first place you're getting enough money you can... you can bash it away and that'll pay for your furniture.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] You can have down the road for the....
[Mary:] Oh, cos it'll depend on his er...
[Iris:] And down at the road there.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] Yes, and your.
[Mary:] You could pawn those.
[Iris:] You're not!
[Alison:] It wouldn't matter what they said.
[Mary:] Mhm, you could pawn those.
[Iris:] No.... them will come later when he got there... and then you can have something else nice.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Take what you want and leave the rest, your mother'll get rid of it.
[Alison:] Kimmy would like to come over and visit wouldn't you?... You'd have to make room in the back garden!
[Iris:] He never phoned me!.
[Mary:] Going there?
[Iris:] Yeah.... But
[Alison:] But it might be. But what do you think?
[Iris:] I think it's half the point!... I know.... Said... said he come from the that and all. Yeah.
[Alison:] But you don't need it in the car....
[Iris:] Yeah but, I mean yo, people are allowed now to put their own in aren't they?... But... you'd have to have the points fitted by them but... you get your own
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] And just get the tested like me and your dad did.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] He did two rooms.
[Alison:] I want that as well.
[Iris:] You're not having that!
[Alison:] No, I tell you what I'd like... you know the ones?
[Iris:] Well what does it cost to get a little what's a name now?... You just never been round to look. You go round in the sales, have a look.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] You're not in a rush.
[Mary:] .... Listen, I would them for you then!....
[Alison:] Mhm.
[Iris:] Oh I don't know ma!
[Alison:] Mm.
[Mary:] I will.
[Alison:] Well I'll put, Kimmy must be there cos Kimmy's gonna be one our bridesmaids!
[Iris:] Ay! Ay! Ay! What are you doing? What are you doing lady?
[Alison:] Can Kimmy be one of our bridesmaids? Do you wanna be my bridesmaid?
[Iris:] Come on sweetheart!... Come on!... Kimble.... Come on sweetheart!... I think where anybod, ay!
[Alison:] Come on!
[Iris:] Alison's here to take him out don't you?... Ay?
[Mary:] ... QQ Ay?
[Iris:] The, all these light fittings, I don't want to change them over.
[Alison:] We're not gonna win!
[Mary:] What you?
[Alison:] It's me and.
[Mary:] Yes.
[Iris:] Hello sweetheart!
[Mary:] Why don't put it underneath.
[Alison:] Right,.
[Iris:] What number is it?
[Alison:] Eighty one.
[Iris:] Well why?
[Mary:] Oh it's bloody dangerous, very dangerous stuff!... Twenty five.
[Iris:] Well at least he can have a word with him about it and see what and he can do, and then you go... to and see what they can do.
[Mary:] And, and,a... number five down... down.
[Iris:] Go and have a look, he proba... probably for that price he might say oh, we'll leave the curtains and the carpets. You've only got to have them cleaned!
[Alison:] But... the thing is erm... with that, unless they're living there they might nice.... It's only the ones that have... nobody living
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] in.... But we can't go in there. It's like that one in Stanley Road.
[Iris:] Well ring her up and see.
[Alison:] Should I?
[Iris:] Not yet no, just get your out there and and then... you might have a bit of lee-way might not we then?
[Alison:] But how will I know where to go?....
[Iris:] Well you just go to the front entrance
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] and see the porter.
[Alison:] And say what type of ward?
[Iris:] You want to go to the orthopaedic. And you go round the corner
[Alison:] But she has to go to physio though.
[Iris:] No!... You know where the porter's desk is?
[Mary:] I know where to go.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] You go round that corner... not off that way towards the wards... just go from the desk right round the corner and follow it right the way down... as far as you can go.... You can't go many further cos there's a blank wall
[Alison:] Right.
[Iris:] and you turn... to your left.... Before you hit the blank wall you turn to your left.
[Alison:] And does nan walk or have a wheelchair?
[Iris:] Have a wheelchair.... Cos it's a good way down.... And just go to reception
[Alison:] [cough]
[Iris:] and take and her card... and then her folder comes out as you take it.... If you go now there'll be nobody there!... The fracture clinic she's going to.
[Alison:] The factory?
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER] The fla []
[Mary:] Ay?
[Iris:] The fracture clinic, not the bloody
[Mary:] Fracture.
[Iris:] factory!
[Mary:] The orthopaedic.
[Iris:] The fra, fracture clinic!
[Mary:] Yes.... Okay. Oh no, I'm alright.... We'll see ah... it's just down from here.... It's just.
[Iris:] They know it's Doctor so
[Mary:] You what?
[Iris:] You have to somewhere.... But see if I get out in.
[Mary:] ... won't they?... No, it's not mine actually.
[Alison:] Do you, do you have to?
[Iris:] Yes! It's got a garage and everything!
[Mary:] Ooh, it's sounds nice! It'll cost you for a garage round here!
[Iris:] When she moves the.
[Mary:] .
[Iris:] Get your coat on!
[Mary:] It will be granddad's garage.
[Iris:] Get your coat on love, ay?
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Yeah, I'm coming
[Mary:] A man
[Alison:] now!
[Mary:] ... A man tried to.... Double glazing!...!... And it's on the, on the Station Road.
[Iris:] Station Road.
[Mary:] There's a fence round the garden at the back!....... Go and look at the garden.....
[Iris:] into the garage,
[Mary:] I, I.
[Iris:] .
[Mary:] Oh!
[Iris:] Soon be.
[Mary:] Oh! When she was... you know....
[Iris:] Put your arm in.
[Mary:] ... in the car.
[Iris:] Yeah but you'll be sitting in the chair won't you love?
[Mary:] Yep.
[Iris:] Are you tired of walking?... Put your arm in.
[Alison:] Come on Kimmy!
[Mary:] Better have the.
[Alison:] Oh, hello!... You little smasher aren't you?
[Iris:] Now you've gotta get your coat on. All the curtains and everything.
[Gordon:] Are you coming then?.... Yeah?... Need anything else?... Microwave, mincer?... One or two?... Lord help me if it's from! And don't forget we're going down the fracture clinic Alison!
[Iris:] No.... She
[Gordon:] I
[Iris:] hasn't forgotten that.
[Gordon:] I.
[Iris:] Do you want your chocolates?
[Alison:] No.
[Iris:] Chocolates?
[Alison:] .
[Iris:] Right, what do you think?
[Gordon:] Oh for me to go down there....
[Alison:] I'll be very nice!
[Iris:] Well you'll have to....
[Gordon:] Why?
[Iris:] Well! I mean
[Gordon:] Ah, get a.
[Iris:] What you spend you could buy something.
[Gordon:] Lots of.... Coming back here after tea.
[Iris:] Oh!
[Gordon:] Invited to....
[Iris:] Ah, and you want... want to get dad out of here ay?... Bloody well!
[Gordon:] Not a bloody... cos I didn't hear him!
[Iris:] .
[Gordon:] Oh.
[Alison:] Fifty one.
[Iris:] Going down Sainsbury's. Anyway, you got everything there, you got your garage, you know, you got double glazing. You got central heating!
[Gordon:] Look out garage, we'll get one. Yep.... A... a.
[Iris:] Where is this?
[Gordon:] Yeah, I've got one.
[Iris:] Kimmy! Come here!
[Gordon:] That's it!
[Iris:] Give us that packet there!... [phone rings] The cigarettes!... [phonecall starts] Hello!... Oh, hiya love!... We're alright, Alison's taking her... so... they're off now.... Yeah.... Alison's taking her in the van.... But, I haven't gotta go have I?... Herbert's going up
[Herbert:] I'll take her
[Iris:] to Crewe and then she's taking her and then... it'll save me a journey.... I'm alright thanks love [].... Shouldn't Gordon, clear off will you!
[Alison:] Well while I'm away you can.
[Iris:] Okay!
[Alison:] Bye!
[Iris:] it's a.... [talking on phone] Okay Gordon.... Ta... tara love!... Tara []!
[Alison:] I am going to get some.
[Herbert:] Bye bye then!
[Iris:] You best go cos the front, you know
[Alison:] I will quite a lot.
[Iris:] Well you might get in the fro
[Alison:] Alright.
[Iris:] Get your nan in a wheelchair first! Get in and get her in a wheelchair!
[Herbert:] ....
[Iris:] Ay?
[Herbert:] .... Now then, what's gonna happen today?
[Iris:] Them things are on the, can you see her? That's been on and we don't even know it's been on. No, it's all confidential. It's all sealed.... It's always the way it's... they're just looking for accents erm... trouble is in the, if it's in the office and you're talking anywhere in the house you can't hear
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] you because you're a good way away.
[Gordon:] .
[Iris:] No, you don't put in who they are or what they are, you just say, where it come, originates from... and erm... what their job was.
[Alison:] Best thing to do is take it on holiday innit?
[Iris:] But where are we gonna go before Friday love?
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] Mum... just have a word with dad and I'll find somewhere to go!... Just ask dad if I can have the time off before Friday and I'll find somewhere to go.
[Iris:] You've gotta go looking Alison you ge, the trouble is... erm... when they've gotta keep coming out to show you the places isn't it?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Why,?
[Iris:] Well no, they're going
[Gordon:] No,
[Iris:] to sell it aren't they, but it's just... yo, it's gotta be before half past four.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] You know,the, they finish at half
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] past five. They should have somebody to come out at night really to
[Gordon:] I know.
[Iris:] you.
[Alison:] But they can't can they? Not with all these murders that's going on with the... cos there was that girl wasn't there? She was going to show somebody round for that.... And then... and that other one got kidnapped!
[Iris:] Well I dunno, bet she thought it was Stu, she would like to be left with him long!... It's certainly not in, in her... what's a name's erm... order... order.
[Alison:] Well you have to tell a load of lies as he said... well it's a right shambles, [LAUGHTER] nobody would go and see would they []?
[Gordon:] Ooh!... Ooh, come on girl!
[Iris:] Just take her.
[Gordon:] Mm.... [sighing] Ha []!
[Iris:] Back to the drawing board!
[Alison:] He must of been up quite a while cos this... the thing's fell down hasn't it?
[Gordon:] [sighing] Ha []!
[Iris:] [reading estate agent details] This property has been... a subject of recent improvement work and is offered in excellent decorative order [].... It's that one Gordon.... Right!... Thirty five thousand.
[Gordon:] Get my glasses.
[Iris:] Get your glasses.... They've got a reception hall there. That's nearly on Daisy Hill. Them are good little houses them are!
[Alison:] I quite like that house down there!
[Iris:] Where?
[Alison:] In.
[Iris:] Well you've not looked at any more have you?... Okay so... ah there's your open fire... look!... The dining room, thirteen foot by ten foot.... A lounge fourteen by eight. What sizes are them Gordon?
[Gordon:] Eighteen.
[Iris:] Eighteen... and ten.
[Gordon:] three... that's there.
[Iris:] Well they must of been lo, I had a load of them here!... That one down the Daisy Hill is still er... up for sale. Was there any more or did she just give you these? Or did you go round them yourself?
[Alison:] Went round them myself.
[Gordon:] fire.
[Iris:] Oh you should see... see it!... It has only been... burning coal in it!
[Gordon:] Coal?
[Iris:] And it's all burnt, it's burnt all the skirting board and er
[Gordon:] Good God!
[Iris:] a bit of the carpet, yes.... You've gotta go round a few love.... Got a pantry in this one.
[Alison:] Where's?
[Iris:] You got a fifteen by twelve.... [reading estate agent's details] This bedroom offers potential for subdivision to two rooms [].... Got a big bed
[Alison:] Or you could have an en-suite bathroom there.
[Iris:] Pardon?
[Alison:] En-suite bathroom.
[Iris:] Pardon?
[Alison:] Could have an en-suite bathroom.
[Iris:] Yeah.... [reading] Bathroom in suite comprising panelled bath, pedestal... finished in white [].
[Alison:] Kimmy!
[Iris:] [reading] Rear gateway leading to... vehicular... access road [].... No telephone in that one.... It does say so... with scope for improvements in that one.... But that one there with da, what's a name, decorative order is not
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] it's not
[Alison:] It says on this one though. This, this one's got decorative order.
[Iris:] Which is that one?
[Alison:] It says Green.
[Iris:] That's forty two.... How much did these er... places go up er... Lego land?
[Alison:] Forty to forty six.
[Iris:] This is forty one.... Sixteen years old
[Alison:] Twenty, twenty... twenty three.... How could you sell?... And it like that.
[Gordon:] Don't tell you the size of the bathroom.
[Alison:] No, it doesn't say the size of the bathrooms does it?
[Gordon:] Pardon?
[Alison:] Doesn't give you the size of
[Gordon:] No.
[Alison:] the bathrooms.
[Iris:] Ey,it does on here!
[Gordon:] Oh
[Iris:] And nine foot by... nine foot nine by nine foot one.
[Alison:] Well it doesn't give the size of the bathroom on here.
[Iris:] Oh sorry, it's the bedroom!... No it doesn't on here either.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] There's provisions for an ne, erection of a garage... in this one.... And these are newer again!
[Alison:] There's one up beside, round there with a garage on it.
[Iris:] This is an end one with a garage... get a good long space there!
[Alison:] Oh that's by what's her name innit!
[Iris:] Where?
[Alison:] By the Crofters That was the one you really liked before.... On that estate by Crofters... Do you remember them ones you brought?... Do you remember? And you said oh it's got a place for... even got a garage.... No but it's got
[Iris:] Is it er... the flats then?
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Cos it doesn't say it's
[Alison:] It's a first floor flat.... I think.... Ground floor flat isn't it?
[Iris:] No it's got upstairs and downstairs!
[Alison:] No, if you read it.
[Iris:] No, it isn't a flat!
[Alison:] Oh!
[Iris:] You always wanted
[Alison:] With a modern bathroom.
[Iris:] Oh ay!... Well that was going for thirty nine behind what's a name there.... It's
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] nice there!
[Alison:] And that's nice!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] We'll have to.
[Iris:] Oh, they've only got one bedroom!
[Alison:] Yeah.... This one here sounds alright.... At Westbond Green.
[Iris:] That's.... Where is? is roomy!... It's thirty six this one.
[Alison:] This twenty seven's probably
[Iris:] Oh that's coming along from the erm
[Alison:] It's right on the main road.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] This is a lounge with exposed beam ceiling, what's that mean?
[Iris:] That the beams...
[Alison:] It's got ceilings.
[Gordon:] No plaster on the ceiling.
[Iris:] Mhm.
[Alison:] It's in Lego Land!... Look at
[Iris:] The one?
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] That's forty.
[Alison:] Mm.... There's plaster board on it?... So what they like then?
[Gordon:] Well i,i, it's exposed beams, it's truss isn't it?
[Alison:] Well what does that look like?... The thing is, with that one nobody knows what you've got on the inside. You can turn that house so they just print it like that couldn't they?
[Iris:] Oh yes!... You've got a lot of basics first haven't you?
[Alison:] Mm.... You're talking out of our league anyway.... Really, aren't you?... I only got it cos it looked nice.
[Iris:] Got a utility room.... And what did gu, what did Stuart say about that one?
[Alison:] He said, would you really wanna live next door to Alan?... for your neighbours.
[Iris:] There's your in there.... Five forty six.
[Alison:] We're only limited to go up to forty really aren't we?... I li, quite like the look of that one.
[Iris:] Mm.
[Gordon:] Well thousand, two thousand.... The second bedroom is... ten foot eight by five foot eight.
[Alison:] Just get a bed in!
[Gordon:] Get a four foot bed in it and yo
[Alison:] Nothing to walk on!
[Gordon:] Not a lot of room one side of it!
[Iris:] Well this is only seven by
[Gordon:] But
[Iris:] five.
[Gordon:] Mm.... The other one's ten foot two bedroom... ten.... Mhm.
[Alison:] Well why does he make them so busy?
[Iris:] First time buyers love, that's why.
[Gordon:] Yeah that's it! That's it, yeah.... Yeah.
[Alison:] For what we want, we should of bought the one this, something a bit like this house... but....
[Iris:] You don't really till you go out, look round and what you're getting for your money do you?
[Gordon:] No.
[Alison:] Can I have some more?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Like, you're only talking about getting four walls for... twenty thousand aren't you?
[Iris:] Oh!... [singing] bum bum bum [].
[Alison:] No, there's something about that one at what's a name I didn't like.
[Iris:] ... Been empty too long.... Like that one's been empty too long.... There's a lot of work! The skirting boards and everythi, put that one round the corner!... You're better off with something like this.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Alison:] Ten.
[Iris:] Be living in!
[Alison:] Mm.
[Gordon:] That's er... well that's, one occupied. They've been occupied, that one isn't is it? This i, this one here.....
[Iris:] I don't know.
[Alison:] What that one?
[Gordon:] Where is it?
[Alison:] Every other one of them's up for sale!
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Alison:] You know what's there Kimmy. That's.... And they said there's some details of them shops.
[Iris:] Mm.... Well that one's got leaded windows.
[Gordon:] Yeah.....
[Iris:] And you know they haven't been up that long.
[Gordon:] No.
[Alison:] They've i, only been up about four or five years!... Or not even that long have they?
[Iris:] The lounge is fourteen by eleven.
[Gordon:] Yeah, that's good!
[Iris:] Swept heads and leaded light features.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] Open plan staircase leads to first floor. So you've got the stairca, have you been in one of them?
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] What they like?
[Alison:] Same as that one down there.... But you go from the stairs and in the er
[Iris:] You've got a kitchen diner.... You've
[Alison:] These
[Iris:] got er... a what's a name on the wall like that.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Alison:] The thing is you
[Iris:] High panelled ceiling.
[Alison:] I think you're better loo, looking in one that's all furnished out and that, cos I can't imagine that with furniture in.
[Iris:] Bedroom two is a five foot eight inches.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Alison:] So that's one me.... They've got this left for me.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] Twenty four.... That's, that'll price on that one.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] Couple of inches on there... you could
[Alison:] You've gotta beat them!
[Gordon:] But it's a house.
[Iris:] Can you ge can you put that er... anything up the side?... We are it's the end of row that is there
[Gordon:] That is, yeah.
[Iris:] so there's bound to be
[Gordon:] Right.
[Iris:] some space there!
[Alison:] I know, it says garden to side.....
[Iris:] Well you can run what you like up your garden can't you?
[Gordon:] Mhm.
[Alison:] Well they the new ones on the... front... would they do that?... Brand new, brand new one.... Same as that. They're still building.... I think this is why they can't sell cos they keep building on and people are going in the newer ones and not buying the ones that are lived in.... And it's all... all
[Iris:] Well you don't want a big roaring place do you?
[Gordon:] Oh heck, no!
[Iris:] I mean, you're not gonna... fill it with children are you?
[Alison:] Gonna fill it with little puppies!
[Iris:] The smaller the better! I mean, I wish I had a small place.
[Alison:] And Kimmy wants to come and visit don't you? And you'll have this garden to run about in won't you?... A big garden!
[Iris:] I mean, we got a dining room that we use about three times a year!
[Alison:] Oh I'm not bothered about things like that, but I would have liked... a decent size garden.... That one that that bloke had in Wrexham, he'd got a go, good one there!... Little bungalow.... And like then, like dad said if you've got a decent sized garden at the back... if you wanna extend... you can put an extension on the back can't you?
[Iris:] You can't extend on there.
[Alison:] No, cos it's a one.
[Iris:] It all depends what you're looking for Alison. You've just gotta make your mind up.
[Alison:] Yeah but the thing is, it's something that we've got to... think for life really, or we're just gonna be in the same situation in... a couple of years that we wanna... something a bit bigger.
[Iris:] That's right.
[Alison:] Won't we?... I mean, we could be in a predicament that we've got to stay in there cos nobody will buy it!... So how many houses are up for sale now?
[Iris:] Prices are gonna come down aren't they?
[Gordon:] Yeah.... But I said that... and sort of just holding on a level now like, isn't it?
[Iris:] Yeah, but I mean
[Gordon:] But erm... but there's a lot... trying to be sold like, isn't there?... As you say... they've gotta come down and probably... we'll have to talk to them.... To get, you know... get the sales.
[Iris:] The thing is if you're getting one that's lived in... you're most likely to get the carpets and things like that in.
[Gordon:] Yeah.... I mean like this.
[Iris:] A brand new one you've got to fit haven't you?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] And even if you buy a cheap carpet to start with it's not gonna last long as i,i,i
[Gordon:] No, no.
[Iris:] you know you've gotta yo, you're talking a thousand for carpets!
[Gordon:] Yeah.... Yeah.
[Iris:] Not many people that's lived in a house take the carpets cos they won't fit wherever else they're going.
[Gordon:] No, well that's it, they just
[Alison:] Especially if it's smaller ones cos they're probably moving onto a bigger house.
[Iris:] Yeah.... I don't know what you wanna big roaming house for?
[Alison:] I don't want a big roaming house, but I want... a decent sized house... and... with a bit of garden!... I'm not asking for much mother!... Are we?
[Iris:] It's what you live in I think.... I mean, you're not gonna be... it's not as though you're gonna be having people staying or... erm... I mean if you're gonna get a little place with a little single bed in
[Alison:] Can't invite people.
[Iris:] you can't invite people to stay.... Can you?
[Alison:] Nope!
[Iris:] It's... I know, it's a place of your own, it's your own and it's not a big place to keep... clean is it? I mean, the more space you have, the more muck you'll make!
[Alison:] I know.
[Gordon:] And also it'll... the... bound to be... building and that... it'll, you watch them.
[Iris:] You're right.... Yeah.
[Gordon:] They'll each go up with.
[Iris:] Doesn't give the rateable value on
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] any of them. What do you want?
[Alison:] Well I, I'm not, I'm not... like I said, I just want
[Gordon:] Want to go wee wees?... Come on!
[Alison:] Something to.
[Gordon:] Come on, let's go wee wees!
[Iris:] Now, do you wanna a cup of tea?
[Alison:] With a little
[Iris:] Go on Gordon! Come on!
[Alison:] you know... garden and that.
[Gordon:] Well I'll bloody well you were fifty!
[Iris:] You what love?
[Alison:] I just want something with a little bit more garden.
[Iris:] Yeah but there again you're paying for the land aren't you?
[Gordon:] You have to think of the land.
[Iris:] Your land is what costs the money.... Go on, if you're going!
[Gordon:] Yeah.... Yeah alright.
[Alison:] He's going with.... I'll just go and pop up to the other estate agent cos if dad comes in now he'll have his dinner won't he?... Where did you chuck my boots?
[Iris:] They're outside, your boots.
[Alison:] Filled up with rain!
[Gordon:] Good job your feet. [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] Well what estate agent's is there up Wocking now?... Where's Mollinees and?... Are they all fairly close?
[Iris:] Mollinees is next to, yeah.
[Alison:] And there's a few more there isn't there?... Is there any more there?
[Iris:] And then the other one is down by the, that one's still there where you pull in by Rayners is that one still there?... Or is that gone?
[Alison:] No, that's gone.
[Iris:] Right.... There's only Mollinees....
[Alison:] And where's this Lytons
[Iris:] Oh it's, oh I don't know.
[Alison:] I'm going to park up the top.... What, shall I just go in and say can I have all your houses that's under forty thousand, forty thousand... and under, yeah?
[Iris:] Mm.... Forty two... those without.
[Alison:] Yeah up to, up to about forty five... yeah?
[Iris:] Hopefully lower... er.
[Alison:] Where's Mo, now?
[Iris:] And what's the viewing arrangements, say.... Yeah.
[Alison:] And what about getting a thing from there.... It's not... count for anything.
[Iris:] Well don't be long Alison.
[Alison:] I won't be long. I'm only going in and saying that erm... I've got twenty thousand coming to me now... I want to buy an house with it.... Right?... Has Kimmy come in?
[Gordon:] Yeah she is.
[Iris:] Yeah she's
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Iris:] in.
[Alison:] Alright, bye!
[Iris:] Tata love! And don't be long!
[Gordon:] Er, where's she going now?
[Alison:] No!
[Iris:] Can you get anything done when they're here?
[Gordon:] Can't move!
[Iris:] Come here, I'll move it through like this.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] I've left the beds open for a bit just so we can
[Gordon:] .
[Iris:] Snow over Bexington where I can see!
[Gordon:] Yeah.... Probably Alison here like, there's only... you know, you just... lucky.... Cos if you're here... buying a like, innit? The same as that.
[Iris:] One there, thirty five! I've found that one.... They're, I tell you where they are... it's that row... just as you're climbing up the Daisy Hill, before you get to the
[Gordon:] On the left?
[Iris:] undertakers. Yeah.
[Gordon:] They're certainly.
[Iris:] Little houses them.
[Gordon:] Well,i,i
[Iris:] There's no central heating or anything
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] down there.
[Gordon:] Well they're brick aren't they?
[Iris:] .... See what they've gotta se... think about is... if they want double glazing, which is another er... two or three thousand pound!
[Gordon:] Yeah,
[Iris:] You want central heating, that's another
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] a thousand pound!... These.... See you've got your... gas fired central heating, two beds, it's two bedrooms here! I mean
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] I know one's in wall.
[Gordon:] .
[Iris:] Better if I get my glasses on Gordon!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] Right!... Well it is []... you know it's... you know it's er... it's all blurry and!
[Iris:] Reception porch, is a telephone, so they've got the telephone in.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] Got plumbing for automatic washing machine.... Gas and electric cooker points.... Kitchen diner, well that's as good as anything! You only want a table and four chairs for
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] each side of
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] thing don't you?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Ha.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Half glazed, oh i,th,th, there's no... double glazing
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] but still!... You can live without double glazing can't you?
[Gordon:] Course you can!.
[Iris:] It's leaded, it's all leaded!
[Gordon:] Mm.... Yeah.
[Iris:] And that's forty.... The other one... I mean, you've got your three bedrooms but it's in a hell of state!
[Gordon:] Leave this in tin.... They've had them in this one. You need to have a lot light in there don't
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] you?... Oh that's a... still a sash window.... They've only got the little lights in that shop.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] But i... which one is it for paying?... Which is it?... Which is it?
[Iris:] I don't Gordon
[Gordon:] A bulb
[Iris:] to be honest!
[Gordon:] that's like this.
[Iris:] I dunno.
[Gordon:] They'll both be the same then.
[Iris:] Mm, yeah.... Seventy nine.... And that look, is, it's more gonna be that one!
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] You're gonna get the full
[Gordon:] I know.
[Iris:] frontage th,
[Gordon:] Yes, that's good
[Iris:] rather than that one
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Iris:] aren't they?
[Gordon:] I know.... Yeah.... And
[Iris:] Else he'd of took it from that way.
[Gordon:] I see, yeah.
[Iris:] So the windows have been done there.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Haven't they?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Accommodation... Well you haven't got your stairs in the front room for a start.
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] Ha!... Lounge.... Fourteen by eleven. Tiled fire place open fire.
[Gordon:] Yeah.... That's....... Dining room's bigger than
[Iris:] They've got a dining room.
[Gordon:] .
[Iris:] Yeah.... Tiled fire grate.... open fire.
[Gordon:] .
[Iris:] .
[Gordon:] Mm.... Where?
[Iris:] There's no central heating and there's no double glazing in that one.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] Thirty five, but there again what do you want for thirty five?
[Gordon:] That's it innit?
[Iris:] I imagine they're well ke, they're well... the, they're old houses them in Weatherfields
[Gordon:] Yeah, that's right.
[Iris:] aren't they?
[Gordon:] ... Yes, you're right.
[Iris:] Here they're saying [reading estate agent's details] and offers scope for improvement [] so
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] [singing] Da da [].... Well unless they go round and have a look, they're never gonna
[Gordon:] No, that's right.
[Iris:] And you can't buy the first thing you're offered!
[Gordon:] No, that's right.
[Iris:] That's what they're there for to provide a service aren't they?
[Gordon:] Mhm, that's right.... Yeah.... Like, they sort out the... the best one... for you
[Iris:] Yes.... And they're for
[Gordon:] best value for your money, like isn't it?... As you say, you don't want to... three bedroomed house and have it.
[Iris:] .... That one's an estate that one.... You see, there's no grate or anything, there's just this thing on the wall with a
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] door on!... But there's like, as though it's burnt the erm... skirting board underneath
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] or onto the carpet there. We could only see through the windows
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] there.
[Gordon:] Yeah, you can't see properly there.
[Iris:] Erm... they've like, as though they've had the porch... altered.
[Gordon:] Yeah?
[Iris:] Over the door... the others are flat and they've had it done... although the roof
[Gordon:] Had it done.
[Iris:] inside's been left
[Gordon:] getting just the
[Iris:] No, it hasn't been put back, you know what I mean?
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] And then it's like as though they've had them long windows, you know?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] And they've had another... it's all er metal.... Like they were all
[Gordon:] yeah.
[Iris:] double glazed.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] It, it's been bricked up.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] But they haven't put the skirting board back or any
[Gordon:] I see.
[Iris:] it's just been left with
[Gordon:] Oh dear!
[Iris:] the plaster.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Mind you, that covers with paper like innit really. It does say it's er... splendid. I don't know where they're looking!
[Gordon:] Mm.... Yeah.
[Iris:] Does me good to go and look through some of these, I think my God I've got a palace!
[Gordon:] You have... you have mum.
[Iris:] I haven't!
[Gordon:] You have!
[Iris:] I haven't!
[Gordon:] You have that!... It's like tumbling down a whole... to your earholes from the start isn't it?
[Iris:] No, bloody damn
[Gordon:] You know, the
[Iris:] rubbish in it! Enough to fill about
[Gordon:] Oh
[Iris:] three skips!
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] I think she wants to get something... sorted so that when it comes it's... open for her.
[Gordon:] ... it's
[Iris:] Oh it's always a this bloody thing is!... You're alright
[Gordon:] Oh!
[Iris:] it should of gone off now Gordon, I think.
[Gordon:] They erm
[Iris:] It's all different times and... well it's turned, I'll have to get Herbert to have a look at it.
[Gordon:] Yeah.... Oh, the clasp in it!
[Iris:] Yeah, it's got all and then it'll knock off!
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] When's the eighteen hundred hours, when's that?
[Gordon:] Eighteen hundred
[Iris:] No, wait a minute!
[Gordon:] It's er
[Iris:] I can't see.
[Gordon:] Four o'clock isn't it?
[Iris:] Ey,it's gonna knock off when it's due to come on.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Off until A.... Off until B.... Off until C.... That's right at the moment.... Off until D.... That's twenty two. Oh that's wrong and all!... On until D.... And then it... goes off
[Gordon:] Let's have a look.
[Iris:] at C.
[Gordon:] Have a look.... Yeah, well that's.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] I don't [LAUGHTER] understand it []!
[Iris:] Well that's how it was before.
[Gordon:] It... ey,yeah.
[Iris:] You see, none of them's got the places tiled all over have
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] they?
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] Just got a little bit by the
[Gordon:] And they just cover... the than it, you know what I mean, because of the... I suppose it's the expense saving considering.... It like... and then they've tiled it themselves probably....... Kitchen, ey it's... tiled li, like this it's... you know, the best way to do them, like innit
[Iris:] Yeah
[Gordon:] you know?
[Iris:] well I mean... Alf did these. Did a nice job!
[Gordon:] Ey,yeah.
[Iris:] Oh ey,it was the best thing I had done really.
[Gordon:] Because, well he did a good job!
[Iris:] Well I mean, the thing is you get done after you move in.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] You'll
[Gordon:] Oh yeah,
[Iris:] you'll not in a place
[Gordon:] Oh no!
[Iris:] where they're all done!
[Gordon:] No.... No well... the price that's the
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] most important thing.... But she was certain like, it would be.... It's er, the best deal they can get like, isn't it?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] You want best accommodation don't you?
[Iris:] My own opinion is these... erm...... but he says he's... they make them long.
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] Well that's like all mine do []!... Well the type of building it is.
[Iris:] I mean, you've nothing in, they don't need a big place!
[Gordon:] ... it me as well!
[Iris:] I've lost the damn thing now!... What's that?
[Gordon:] It's over there.
[Iris:] Oh yeah.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Iris:] You got your central heating and you've got no erm... but they're only small!... And they sort of you know where they are don't
[Gordon:] Where?
[Iris:] you?
[Gordon:] Not at all. I don't actually.
[Iris:] You know where you used to go down to that Mall Court
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Well they're down, that's that road that running up
[Gordon:] Oh yeah!
[Iris:] But they're pretty new
[Gordon:] Oh
[Iris:] they haven't been
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] up that long!
[Gordon:] Yeah, I know.... Oh you see that... they are aren't they?
[Iris:] See it, [reading estate agent's details] presented in excellent decorative order and has many interesting features making it's
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] internal inspection worthwhile [].
[Gordon:] Internal inspection worthwhile.... That's it, right.
[Iris:] So I mean yo, there could be... things in it that it... could be left there, if there's, but you started
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] in a small place like that, there's not much you're gonna be able
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] to take with
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] you.
[Gordon:] No
[Iris:] Is there?
[Gordon:] there's not.
[Iris:] Carpets and things like that if you're going for a big
[Gordon:] Ey.
[Iris:] place.
[Gordon:] Yeah.... That's a.... You'd have to... leave them with
[Iris:] And in the same you know, I mean er... two or three years so there's not gonna be much, and it's only been a couple that are gonna look after it aren't they?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] You see, these up here's been up a long time.
[Gordon:] Ey,they have.
[Iris:] But I noticed the timber... you know, round the house, I look what you
[Gordon:] Oh yeah.
[Iris:] look at.... And er... a lot of it's rotten!... board's no good!
[Gordon:] That's never been.
[Iris:] No.... And half the
[Gordon:] You can see
[Iris:] missing and
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] That bothers me, that fire that's been... there's only
[Gordon:] Oh yeah?
[Iris:] one fire.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] And then half the ceiling's knocked... down.... It all wants doing inside! It's all gotta be done!
[Gordon:] But, in the same room as the fire that's been in it... Where's
[Iris:] No
[Gordon:] the fire?
[Iris:] it's where they've had that porch built up.
[Gordon:] Yeah, I know that!
[Iris:] See, they would of had the porch
[Gordon:] I see, yeah.
[Iris:] and they've added tiles
[Gordon:] Right.
[Iris:] built on... tiled.
[Gordon:] Oh.
[Iris:] But I had and
[Gordon:] I... it's opened.... Like there's nothing across the back of inside...
[Iris:] Yeah, there is a bit but it's, it's like somebody broke it, broke it, so it's half
[Gordon:] Oh.
[Iris:] half in and half out. They're all broken
[Gordon:] Oh yeah,.
[Iris:] tiles there.... It's double glazed, but then so was this.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] That one's reduced to forty.... You could go there, you
[Gordon:] Well
[Iris:] could make an offer you
[Gordon:] they
[Iris:] might get another thousand off it.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Especially if there's a lot for sale down there.
[Gordon:] That's right.... They... the, the windows like, in the door... well... the... these are a good type of windows!
[Iris:] Yeah, I mean like he
[Gordon:] You know, for what's for what's going like.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] They're good.... Yeah, and they're double glazed you say, these are they?
[Iris:] No.
[Gordon:] No.... No.... No, they won't be on that type er... ju,.... They still... probably there is enough room to get a bit
[Iris:] Well ey there's a lawn!
[Gordon:] Ah, with any luck..., you could make a... vehicle access there and a
[Iris:] But you can
[Gordon:] you know?
[Iris:] Well even a car port for a start.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] yes, the end one's got a lot of roo, you know?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] It's er
[Gordon:] yes.... Then you're better off as you say... with an end one.... one er
[Iris:] At the
[Gordon:] you know, one in the middle of the road like, any how.
[Iris:] They only wanna small place, you don't wanna a big
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] rambly....
[Gordon:] Well it's... it all adds up don't it like?... You're heating... costs is less.... If you had
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] a smaller place.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] You're lighting costs are less.
[Iris:] Mhm.
[Gordon:] You know,the, there's all these little things.... The... what's a name... isn't it?
[Iris:] No, we can hopefully say they don't know any of them now.
[Gordon:] No.
[Iris:] Mind you, I think probably cos it's been poll taxed hasn't it?
[Gordon:] That, oh... oh yes that's, yeah.... Yeah, [LAUGHTER] they bloody changed []!
[Iris:] Mm mm.
[Gordon:] Still... still I think we all I tell you, about forty.... Ey up she here! She's heard me!... Come here!... Come here!... Tap tap.
[Iris:] You see you got your old one... staircase in there.
[Gordon:] Yeah.... Well... it's er... it's, it's a very
[Iris:] Warm glow warm... Spacesaver, it's like that.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] one.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Pine panel ceiling... in the kitchen.... With twin eyeball spotlight.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Alison:] I hope you're not doing anything all afternoon... mother!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] Where was Lyton's then?
[Alison:] Lyton's was next door to the place.... She was the nicest in these here.
[Iris:] .
[Alison:] No.... They will give you and they'll come out on Sunday there as well!
[Iris:] Well that's forty seven!
[Alison:] Oh well, she said they'd drop that one down.... Don't believe the prices.... [singing] []....!
[Iris:] They'd only got one.... That's up by where Steven lives.
[Gordon:] Really?
[Iris:] Mm.
[Alison:] .
[Gordon:] That's
[Alison:] I said
[Gordon:] across the road from innit?
[Iris:] Mm.
[Alison:] She's told me all about the walls. She come and help me. She said that
[Iris:] But you've only got one from there!
[Alison:] No, I got loads!... She was telling me all about all of them and... on the roof.
[Iris:] And where's David?
[Alison:] The other side of, next to the post office.... It was
[Iris:] Who told you
[Alison:] there.... She said most of them are lived in anyway so you can go anytime it suits.
[Iris:] Oh.
[Alison:] None for you Kimmy!... Cos it's all for me!
[Iris:] That one's empty.... There's a telephone in that one.... Did she say most of them would come down? Offers in the region of
[Alison:] Mm.
[Iris:] So you'd probably get a election won't it?
[Alison:] Geoff, vote Conservative with with his dog and his wife.... Along
[Gordon:] Oh, can I have a look!
[Alison:] park... and his dog Lassie.
[Gordon:] That was him putting them through wasn't it?
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Mary:] No it wasn't!
[Gordon:] Oh, some by the door... in case your time's up!
[Alison:] Oh wanted a word with you... see how much money you've been putting in my, and we're going for a mortgage now.
[Iris:] Is it a man or is there a woman?
[Alison:] Man.
[Iris:] What's he like?
[Alison:] He's got glasses.
[Iris:] I dropped one over there!
[Mary:] But I know, I ever since....
[Iris:] Oh.
[Gordon:] Pooh!... That's [LAUGHTER] ba []!... Oh dear!... Talking to... did I tell you I got a since I moved that plate.
[Iris:] It'll only be the erm... who will you be voting for when you go?
[Gordon:] I'll vote in there.
[Iris:] On the day or
[Gordon:] Conservative.
[Iris:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Could if I wanted to!... But,
[Mary:] Don't change the rest of them.
[Gordon:] No, for the er
[Mary:] Want a bread roll?
[Gordon:] Campaign for the.... He said I'd go to. Why?
[Alison:] ... What did he say?
[Mary:] I thought... you'd be
[Gordon:] Or will you just... voting for the likes of Barry?
[Herbert:] Well yes.
[Gordon:] So he'll be up against Barry.
[Herbert:] Yes.
[Alison:] Does he work for Redruth
[Gordon:] I don't know.
[Alison:] Dad, you're reading between the lines. Because it's dad says he works Redruth... Cos he, he reads between the lines!... He'd just gone down there because er....
[Gordon:] Well... I've tried it occasionally.... Might be Conservative.
[Mary:] Well usually comes.... A... at er....
[Iris:] Who?... He's not standing for parliament!
[Mary:] Oh, my word!
[Iris:] You mean... Barry or er
[Gordon:] He must of been picked from the Conservative to stand would he?
[Alison:] Dad's a, dad's just nominated you for... the big in the campus.... Does he pay you?... Hey?... No?
[Iris:] I did it for one and he didn't get in!... He got sold down the line.
[Alison:] Was that Uncle Keith?
[Iris:] Mm mm.
[Alison:] I thought Uncle Keith went for it once?
[Iris:] He did!... And I didn't canvas for him, I just marked up.
[Alison:] Well this
[Iris:] Oh well this was only for the local!
[Alison:] Who did you canvas for?
[Iris:] Uncle Fred!
[Alison:] And didn't he get in?
[Herbert:] I've ticked you off for all these here. There's a this.
[Iris:] Oh, very good of you dear then!
[Herbert:] Is that alright?... And a, that postal road, you can go walking for this.
[Iris:] What we were asking is he... will they be
[Herbert:] Yes.
[Iris:] equal to Barry?
[Herbert:] Yes.... And he works for... Redrow well is he gonna do anything for me?
[Alison:] Well I'll go to canvassing and I'll get your name down in there.... I'll say look! I'll persuade everyone to vote for you just get a job with.
[Iris:] So he must be on Alan and Dee.... Cos he's a... he's a conservati, he's been acting in a lot of conservative party for the past thirteen years!... You know, he's been picked for the conservatives to stand has he?
[Mary:] What's his name Ally?
[Alison:] Geoff.
[Iris:] Well you won't be pok... Geoff, you won't be voting for him mother!
[Mary:] So!
[Iris:] Well no, we know who you vote for!
[Mary:] You don't know!
[Herbert:] There you are see!... See,i, if we, if we'd have said that about you... erm, nobody knows what
[Iris:] You, you don't know, nobody knows!
[Herbert:] Nobody knows who I vote!
[Mary:] I told tell anybody!
[Alison:] What about the Green Party dad?
[Herbert:] Well that hasn't come through yet!
[Iris:] Give them chance! At least he was firs, he's got his... his... literature first.
[Alison:] Well Barry was round the other day wasn't he? Shouting and blasting all over the loud speakers!
[Herbert:] I hope it comes here!
[Gordon:] Well why not!... Have you ever wanted anything off him?
[Iris:] Yeah when we got his autograph!
[Gordon:] Well... you got something! There's not many people got his au... and he sent you a Christmas card!
[Alison:] Did he?
[Iris:] Mm.
[Gordon:] Yeah!
[Alison:] Sent you a Christmas card?
[Gordon:] Yeah!
[Iris:] He didn't help in anyway but he did... get a lot
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] He sent you Christmas card!... Ha!... I hope you're... back in your new house []!
[Iris:] Ah,!
[Gordon:] I'm fe, I'm seat to the bloody right!... Yeah!
[Mary:] But he... But I know... and he got a petition up and
[Gordon:] So he comes in.
[Iris:] Didn't remember.
[Mary:] Shall have to wait that... in the window... you know, my... like the other one.... The... the, the two... the big window made like the other one on the other side... and er, what else was erm... oh, to have the... heater serviced
[Iris:] Well he's as sure as hell gonna be round the old people's homes!... So the best thing is, is get him by the scruff of the neck and ask him what's he gonna do about them things that you fell over twice!... And see what
[Mary:] Yes.
[Iris:] he'll do for you!
[Mary:] Yes, yeah.... Well, I mean... we all erm
[Herbert:] Not too much
[Mary:] they all signed
[Herbert:] he's on the make!
[Mary:] they all signed this petition.
[Iris:] Seeing that
[Herbert:] [cough]
[Iris:] you don't want er... we don't like our... the other boy!... The other conservative man, see! If you can get Neil Kinnock in, and by George, you'd get them things done in your house!
[Gordon:] Yes.... Seca, Secretary of State for Wales he's gonna be!
[Iris:] Where are they all Gordon?... Between the elections, knock on your door and say, is there any problem I can help you with?
[Gordon:] I don't know.
[Herbert:] Look!
[Iris:] They get paid
[Herbert:] Look!
[Iris:] enough
[Herbert:] Look!
[Iris:] and they could go, have an area
[Herbert:] A week.
[Iris:] And every house go round the doors. Not now!
[Herbert:] They
[Iris:] Don't want them now!
[Herbert:] They have a
[Gordon:] That's it!
[Herbert:] surgery every week! Or every fortnight for problems!
[Iris:] Right, and a lot of help you get there when you go there!
[Herbert:] But... they have one!
[Mary:] Well I mean they
[Herbert:] So yo... it's up to the
[Alison:] But where is it?
[Gordon:] You get more sense out of a [LAUGHTER] virtually, than what you get out of that []!
[Mary:] Well I mean, he did we, he we, he did... send letters to the council.... And then, I mean, but... every one of us had a letter off him... and said he was, he was doing what he can with the council
[Iris:] But what?
[Mary:] and er
[Alison:] Well, the windows.
[Mary:] The windows
[Iris:] And... it's all been done and all been put straight and everything, you got your windows done?
[Mary:] No.
[Iris:] No!
[Mary:] No, well he wa... it was the council, they said they couldn't afford it. They hadn't got the money to do it.... And every one of us... in that, in...... we had a letter... every one of us, from Barry.
[Iris:] [shouting] Yeah, but it doesn't cost him anything! We're paying for all his postage []!
[Alison:] Mother, I thought
[Herbert:] And the
[Alison:] you said I
[Herbert:] the envelope they get from
[Alison:] I hope you haven't got this on tape here!
[Herbert:] Doesn't cost him postage or anything that!
[Mary:] Well he said in the council.
[Alison:] But this is catching... names on the tape!
[Iris:] I don't give a sod who it is!
[Mary:] And he sent the letter back what he'd had, had off the council... in with his letter.
[Iris:] [shouting] I'm not calling the Labour party, I'm calling the man, that he's been in too long []!... Bloody film star he ought to be, not a... and he... you see him on the television, he's been on a few times at night! Have you seen him?
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Mary:] Who Barry?
[Iris:] Have you seen him?
[Herbert:] Yeah
[Gordon:] Yeah.... catholic.
[Alison:] Yeah but what, I... I remembered you saying that erm... there's two subjects you don't row on and that's erm... religion and politics!
[Iris:] [shouting] I'm not rowing! But I just said, where are they []... all the years when they're not having an election!... They could knock on the door, or they could sell... send their servants!... Then they'll be getting the best jobs for it,i, in.... To ask, have we got, have you got a problem? It was only round the old folk!... [shouting] Every one of them! Not just Labour, Conservative, every one of them will get the same answer from me []!
[Gordon:] Yeah alright!
[Iris:] [shouting] You the only difference is... Barry has been elected our member of parliament... and he should do it!... The others haven't!
[Mary:] Well he wouldn't do that,a, that's council that wouldn't do it!
[Alison:] But have we got any... have you got any
[Iris:] [shouting] Mum!... The council are the, the, the... your Conservative, your Labour and your Liberal!... So if the council refused it at the meeting... it's their people that's refused it!... It all goes to er erm... to the planning and everything. They have meetings about it! They're getting paid near, over twenty odd quid a meeting []!
[Mary:] Well they wouldn't... the council.
[Iris:] [shouting] Well no it's, it's the same councillors that's come to your door that are sitting in on the meeting and saying no, it's impossible!... I've no time for any of them! I never have had, and I never will have []!
[Mary:] They sent a letter
[Iris:] [shouting] This is a prime example []!... This place!
[Mary:] And they, and they
[Iris:] Where were they!
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Iris:] All they did was take photographs and, and send somebody round to try and stop us getting a home here!
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Well what about?
[Mary:] Well, we don't
[Iris:] They were big.
[Mary:] we don't want big windows, long windows now!... Erm... so that... front doors to that
[Alison:] How many?
[Mary:] wall, to that
[Iris:] [shouting] Barry is the damn council! He started as a councillor!
[Mary:] Yes.
[Iris:] To get []!
[Mary:] Well it's the council that refused cos they hadn't got the money.
[Iris:] [shouting] Well while he's raking it in every bloody week for sitting on his behind in parliament there, he can pay for them []!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]... I will.
[Mary:] Well alright, I mean them... long windows, as you say, up here, erm... low!... I mean yo, you've got to climb up to wa er, curtains up and that haven't you? Yo, you happen to fall!... Instead of putting nice little windows in!... I mean, every year they that er... people are a year older!
[Iris:] Well a,i that design was submitted and they passed them!
[Mary:] They're the first to be built in Buckley them, main road.
[Alison:] Why did they
[Iris:] them
[Alison:] they build them?
[Mary:] Yeah but I'll... when I a, where I am.... They were the first to build in Buckley... Main road.... Call them the luxur, the luxury bungalows!
[Iris:] They're all in envelope next!
[Alison:] How big's your nan?
[Mary:] Ay?
[Alison:] How big's your bedroom?
[Mary:] Well it's a nice size! I got two wardrobes in and... dressing table.... And a chest, and another chest.
[Alison:] The thing is putting the... if... what you can round a bed isn't it, you can?
[Mary:] Well I mean the, there's couples... lived, er, lived in there haven't they?
[Iris:] And there's couples still living in there.
[Mary:] Barry has got a cover, they've all gotta cover the whole of haven't they? Not just their own... little patch this time.
[Alison:] He's probably not bothered cos he knows he's got in again!
[Mary:] Pardon?
[Alison:] He's probably not bothered about he's knows he'll get in anyway!
[Mary:] Oh he'll get in!
[speaker003:] [cough]
[Mary:] But what's-a-name usually for Barry doesn't he? Er... that.
[Alison:] Well what's special?
[Mary:] Related to your granddad.
[Iris:] He's?
[Mary:] Yeah.... He's
[Alison:] But a small one.
[Mary:] well he's the right hand man for Barry isn't he?
[Iris:] Who?
[Mary:] What the hell's his name?
[Iris:] I know who you mean.
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Iris:] , yeah.
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Tom?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Arthur.
[Mary:] His granddad
[Alison:] That's what erm... last year.
[Mary:] His granddad was er... my dad's brother!... Uncle Bert.
[Alison:] I was gonna ask you, you know Arthur?
[Mary:] That's the one!
[Alison:] Well... i, is his wife's name Betty?
[Mary:] No that's his brother.
[Alison:] Well has Arthur got a... Arthur has got two children hasn't he?
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Alison:] Well, how many children's Betty got?
[Mary:] Oh you got a few cos she's got Kevin, he was at home.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Mary:] Yeah.
[Alison:] And she, has, have they got a girl as well?
[Mary:] There's one.
[Alison:] They've got a daughter as well.... Cos I'm sure the girl that comes down the... sh, I'm sure... she's Betty's daughter.... Really stuck up!... Cos Betty was really stuck up weren't she?
[Iris:] Betty who?
[Alison:] Betty, who's from down our.
[Iris:] Ha!
[Alison:] No, she thought she was.
[Iris:] Ha!
[Alison:] Oh she was stuck up though wasn't she?
[Iris:] Who's knocked that off?
[Alison:] We are just signing off... [LAUGHTER] so mum can have a swear []!
[Mary:] You never see much of her children do you?... Don't think I've ever seen the, oh,yo,yo the first one a couple of times.
[Iris:] Prince Andrew and er, and Fergie?
[Mary:] Yeah! Oh!
[Iris:] Marriage is over! Well that didn't last long did it?
[Mary:] No!
[Iris:] Cor that's
[Mary:] I thought it had been Diane... and the... Charles!... Cos you certainly, some people have... holidays and that!
[Iris:] Well I don't think they can mother!
[Mary:] Will he be next to the throne in
[Iris:] Well I don't know! I suppose... anything's possible!
[Mary:] Well... I mean er... Prince Edward did didn't he?... The eldest one.... So, I mean, he'd of taken before erm... before the... before the Queen now.
[Gordon:] It's only, I don't know why!
[Iris:] What did you say love?
[Mary:] I said Prince Edward did!... I mean he, he should have taken the throne. He abdicated didn't he?
[Iris:] Oh yes you're going back a few years!
[Mary:] Well, I mean a, and... the Queen was nothing, er... well, the Queen wouldn't have been a Queen now would she?
[Iris:] Well she would if th, he'd had no children!
[Mary:] And then she'd of come maybe.
[Iris:] Well I imagine so! I don't know
[Mary:] But she'd have been he'd have been before her wouldn't he?
[Iris:] Edward give it, gave it up
[Mary:] Yes.
[Iris:] before George came didn't he? George took over from Edward.... Duke of Windsor.
[Mary:] Yes.... Alright.
[Iris:] He abdicated so George took over! He was to be the next King wasn't he? But he abdicated so Geor, King George took over.
[Mary:] Yes.... But I know it was... er... Geor
[Iris:] And... Elizabeth
[Mary:] George
[Iris:] was George's daughter wasn't she?
[Mary:] I mean, her father got killed in er... a plane crash didn't he?
[Iris:] Who?
[Mary:] The Queen that is now.
[Iris:] King George? No, he died
[Mary:] No.
[Iris:] of cancer!
[Mary:] Erm... no, her father was killed in a... plane crash Iris!
[Iris:] Who... Queen Elizabeth?
[Mary:] No.... Er, the... Mother Queen... her husband.
[Iris:] Oh I don't know!
[Mary:] Yeah... he was killed in the, in a crash.
[Iris:] Well no!
[Mary:] He took
[Iris:] That was King George! The Mother
[Mary:] No, the
[Iris:] Queen!... The Queen
[Mary:] and he
[Iris:] Mother was King
[Mary:] No, King George was i, reigning when I got married, nineteen thirty five.
[Iris:] And then the other King Ge, then his son King George come up.
[Mary:] No, his name wasn't Geo, there was only the fa, only George that was on that was er... it was erm
[Iris:] Who was King, Gordon before... Queen Elizabeth come on?
[Mary:] George was it?
[Iris:] The fifth and the sixth was it? George the fifth was first, and then George the sixth!... George the sixth.
[Mary:] No, it's the fifth was la, reigning when I got married.... In nineteen thirty five.... And Queen Mary.... Cos he had the silver, they had the... the ju er... co... coronation and it er... in the May, as your dad and I got married in the June.
[Iris:] Well when did George come to the throne then?
[Mary:] Well he was on, on the throne in nineteen thirty five!
[Gordon:] .
[Mary:] Nineteen thirty five! He was reigning when I got married.
[Iris:] You're on about the old King George!
[Mary:] Well it... was only one King George!
[Iris:] No!... His dad
[Mary:] Are you sure?
[Iris:] was George!
[Mary:] Are you sure?
[Iris:] It was him with the beard cos they always said the Duke of Windsor took after him because he was
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Iris:] a ladies man was n't he?
[Gordon:] Mm. Yes.
[Mary:] King George, I can remember he had a beard.
[Iris:] Well that's the old King George and then we had... King George after!... That was married to the Queen Mother!... Which is Queen Elizabeth's mother and father!
[Mary:] Oh yes, I know that!
[Iris:] Well he had a
[Mary:] Oh yeah! Yeah, go on, yeah.
[Iris:] And then, King George died. Queen Elizabeth's... mother de, er father died.
[Mary:] He was killed in a crash!
[Iris:] [shouting] He wasn't love []!
[Mary:] Honestly he was Iris!... Was he... Gordon?
[Iris:] The old King might have been killed in a plane crash!
[Mary:] No, he wasn't that
[Iris:] Maybe George the sixth was! He died of cancer didn't
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Iris:] he?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Mary:] No, it's not that one.
[Iris:] He died and Princess Elizabeth was in Kenya at the time!... She was out of the country!
[Gordon:] Yeah, but she didn't know she was gonna be Queen though.
[Mary:] Well which one was killed in a cra, in a aer, ere aeroplane crash?... It was! That was her father!
[Gordon:] It could be her father then.
[Mary:] And the Queen mother... was her mother.
[Iris:] King George didn't get killed in plane crash mother! He died of throat cancer!
[Mary:] No, King George was reigning a, and that's the only King George I know!... I could be wrong cou, I could be wrong I don't know!... But I thought her father's name was Edward.... Erm... not Edward.... Cos I mean... she was
[Iris:] Edward was the... was the
[Mary:] at the
[Iris:] brother of George that abdicated wasn't
[Mary:] She
[Iris:] it?
[Mary:] she was
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Mary:] away.... She was away at the time
[Iris:] She was in Kenya!
[Mary:] Yes.... And
[Iris:] And her dad died of throat cancer!
[Mary:] Oh!
[Iris:] Cos he was a heavy smoker!... And she was to, she took over the Queen when she out of the country!... She wasn't crowned till after but she was told!
[Mary:] Oh I know she came... yeah.... And they said it was very bad news for her, you know? Eh, cos he didn't reign that long.
[Iris:] Who got killed... Herbert?
[Herbert:] Duke of Kent.
[Iris:] The Duke of Kent got killed in a plane crash.
[Mary:] Oh that's right! There's the... er it wasn't er the Princess, er the Queen now, was it her father?
[Iris:] It wasn't the Queen now's father was it? No it was his brother.
[Gordon:] It was her brother wasn't it? Yes,.... They was all brothers weren't they?... Edward... and the King... and the Duke of Kent.... They're all brothers!
[Iris:] Edward, the Duke of Kent and the King, they
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] were all brothers. Edward was next in line but he abdicated for Mrs Simpson... so George
[Mary:] That's right.
[Iris:] came in line and he got it.... And then the other brother... Duke of wa, what?
[Gordon:] Kent!
[Iris:] Kent got killed in a plane crash. Yeah, I knew one was killed in a... in a plane crash but... but who was the
[Gordon:] Well that's him.
[Mary:] who was... the Queen's, er husband?
[Iris:] George!
[Gordon:] No!
[Iris:] And it was also King Geor... you know George... was he then... after him?... His dad was named George wasn't he? There was George the fifth and George the sixth.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Tha... yeah.
[Gordon:] Well George was the one that went... that's the King... and the
[Iris:] Yeah, but his dad was named George as well wasn't he? George the fifth.
[Gordon:] But the other one got killed... got killed... in a plane crash, yes.
[Iris:] And Edward abdicated, and he went to Paris, France.
[Gordon:] Yeah, he wouldn't.
[Mary:] Yeah. And then the
[Iris:] And then the... the Queen took over.
[Alison:] And the other one got killed.
[Mary:] She wouldn't have been the Queen if
[Iris:] Sha
[Mary:] he hadn't ab, abdicated would she?
[Iris:] [shouting] No []!
[Mary:] No.... I know, that's right.
[Iris:] But had he not of abdicated... he would of been the Que, King.
[Mary:] Yeah. Well who would have took over when he died?... Would Queen Elizabeth still have had the?
[Alison:] [LAUGHTER] []!
[Gordon:] Well he don't does he?
[Mary:] Yeah.... Oh!
[Iris:] Yeah but he ha, maybe he hasn't been dead that long has he?
[Gordon:] Er... no
[Mary:] No, cos he wasn't very old!
[Iris:] If you say last to die, yes.
[Gordon:] What.
[Iris:] Well would it have been George's daughter?
[Gordon:] Well you see.
[Iris:] Hiya!
[Mike:] Good day Madam!
[Iris:] How are you?
[Mike:] Alright.
[Iris:] Doing a gig aren't you?
[Mike:] Down at the R A F club, yeah.... yes, it was in a bloody scrap yard and this Jack come to me... we had... he had... mentioned it before but he said... we said we're not bothered, you know, he won't er... that was in there.... Where the bloody hell have you been [LAUGHTER] he said []! I've been... cos I haven't been to the R A F club for ages there.
[Iris:] No.... No.
[Mike:] And he said, are you still doing that one on the twentieth of March? I thought buzz buzz buzz! I said, [LAUGHTER] oh I'll let you know tomorrow Jack [].... So I got hold of Dave and I said ring Stuart and... ring
[Iris:] I didn't know, it was David just, sort of, saying that, it's something your going to do.
[Mike:] Ring re the
[Iris:] It was
[Mike:] the drummer
[Iris:] it was
[Mike:] and ask, do they wanna do it like?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] They both, I rang Dave back on the Sunday and he said... they both wanna do it so... took it!... It's money innit?
[Iris:] Did you get your car?
[Mike:] Yes, I got it, yeah, yeah.
[Iris:] What day? The thirteenth or the fourteenth?
[Mike:] [LAUGHTER] Oh I got it on the bloody... Saturday didn't I []!
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Mike:] Got it on the Saturday.
[Iris:] You're alright then.
[Mike:] Well, six fifty I got if for like, I... try give him a six hundred and he... ummed and ahhed... and then he said well... he said well I'll take the six hundred he said, can you manage... the hundred quid over the next five or six weeks? I said, well I can't to be honest with you, I said I've gotta... pay back what I bloody
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] borrowed like!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] I said, I'll tell you what, I said er... cos my mum lent me seven hundred
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] down.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] I said I'll give you six fifty, so I'll have to try and scrounge the other fifty quid to tax the bloody thing!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] He said I don't know what the car owes me he said... can you come back tomorrow about half past ten?... I said yes alright then, which was the Saturday like.... So I left it till about... twenty past eleven didn't I? I thought oh I'll keep him on
[Iris:] Tenterhooks, ey
[Mike:] so I got, he said er... where you been he said? I thought you'd changed your mind! He said it's alright I'll do the
[Iris:] Oh.
[Mike:] I said, oh thank you very much.... But they put the tax up in the budget didn't they? On the car tax!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] So I went to tax it with the fifty five quid as I thought! I had to pay... the new increase!
[Iris:] Yeah?
[Mike:] Yeah.... Sixty pound fifty it cost me for six months!
[Iris:] Oh why, it's more isn't it for
[Mike:] yes, I know it's more... it was always more before.
[Iris:] Yeah, it was fifty five wasn't it before, half year?
[Mike:] Yeah.
[Herbert:] Yes.
[Mike:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Yeah.... And what is it now?
[Herbert:] And what is this?
[Mike:] Sixty pound fifty.
[Herbert:] Sixty pound, is the
[Iris:] Oh!
[Mike:] Like I, I've taxed this from the first of March like.
[Iris:] Yeah.... Yeah.
[Mike:] yes, if they'd have done it from, say, the first of April... fair comment like, I wouldn't of said
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] you know, wouldn't
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] of said nothing, oh well it's gone up, it's gone up like!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] I know.
[Mike:] But I paid for the first of March... so I've lost li... literally fourteen days haven't
[Iris:] Yes.
[Mike:] I?
[Iris:] Yes.
[Mike:] But I still had to pay the new increase like!
[Herbert:] Mm.
[Mike:] From the first of
[Herbert:] Well it's
[Mike:] March like!
[Herbert:] same as me. I only tax mine for six month now then, ay?
[Mike:] Yeah well it
[Herbert:] But er... they... what's er name, it'd cost me fifty five quid... end of this month!
[Mike:] Yeah.
[Herbert:] Know what I mean?... But I've got this ea, other ten quid going on it! Well,fo, fortunately...
[Mike:] Yeah well, it was right it was cheaper to do it for twelve months anyway.
[Herbert:] Oh yeah that's right, it was cheaper.
[Mike:] It was er... what was it, hundred quid weren't it?
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Mike:] And it was hundred and ten if you did it over the two... six
[Herbert:] Two
[Mike:] months like.
[Herbert:] Yeah, that's it.
[Iris:] Oh yes, yeah.
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Mike:] So you
[Herbert:] Choose six months
[Mike:] you know?
[Herbert:] like, yeah.
[Mike:] yes.
[Herbert:] [LAUGHTER] And it's gone up again []!
[Mike:] yes, it's gone up again yeah.
[Herbert:] .... Oh never mind!
[Iris:] You've got your wheels haven't you?
[Mike:] Ooh Christ, yes!
[Iris:] You got your wheels!
[Mike:] Didn't recognise you!
[Iris:] Oh God tha, they always leave that for me start off!
[Mike:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Mike:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] Stick him underneath!
[Mike:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[Herbert:] [LAUGHTER] Oh []!
[Mike:] You like that, do you?
[Herbert:] it's alright.
[Iris:] I've seen in real life,!
[Mike:] Yeah. How's your mum?
[Iris:] Alright, she's ah, been this morning... and er they took the sling off now, she's getting onto... use it again.
[Mike:] Is she better when she stands up now? She used to
[Iris:] Oh yes!... What is was, she gets... with Kimmy barking she gets
[Mike:] Yeah.
[Iris:] herself
[Mike:] worked up on it.
[Iris:] She's frightened of, sort of, opening the door... thinking that the dog might get at her
[Mike:] Get her.
[Iris:] I mean, if she'd have just shouted! I said well... the dog knows Mike, and
[Mike:] Yeah.
[Iris:] and Mike's used to the dog, she wouldn't bother.
[Mike:] Oh no!
[Iris:] But she just gets up a bit quick.
[Mike:] Quick, yes.
[Iris:] So, yes she's alright now. But if
[Mike:] Good!
[Iris:] if erm, you knock... you know, you know my mum's still here
[Mike:] yes.
[Iris:] so if I'm going out, I'll leave the money under here anyway.... Okay love?
[Mike:] Alright chuck!
[Iris:] So Tim won't have you!
[Mike:] I'll ignore him!
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Mike:] See you Friday anyway!
[speaker003:] Tara chuck!
[Iris:] Tara now!
[speaker003:] Oh yes, how is she?
[Herbert:] She's alright.... She said, oh! I said how you feeling?... She said, I'd like to see a.... He said after she'd.
[Iris:] yes, it's a shame!
[Herbert:] She's got two... she's got daughters and
[Iris:] Can you post that for me please?
[Herbert:] Yes.... And... she... but er... I think one lives in Hull.... Near Hull,... cos I said, I said where are you going?...... Oh she said, [LAUGHTER] I don't she said []!... We'll have to see.... She's had her teeth.
[Iris:] I think that house of Joe 's... is up for sale isn't it? It's all... which house did he, cos there's two there isn't there, Gordon? You know Joe, who I mean?
[Gordon:] Oh,fo him, down the Ponderosa... Down the Ponderosa?
[Iris:] Joe, who you used to go and see.
[Gordon:] Oh! Joe and
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] yes!
[Iris:] Was it the one that side or this side?
[Gordon:] The... the bungalow this side.
[Iris:] You're going down the road
[Gordon:] Yes.... There's two bungalows, or three bungalows isn't there?
[Iris:] Two.
[Gordon:] Two?... It's that one there.... Not the first one
[Iris:] No!
[Gordon:] you see.
[Iris:] I'm this way! You're on the main road now
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Iris:] and they're on that side.
[Gordon:] That's it! Yeah, that's it!
[Iris:] Now which bungalow is it?
[Gordon:] It's that one.
[Iris:] Well it's, it's all empty!
[Herbert:] Is it?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Herbert:] Oh course, she died didn't she?
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Herbert:] I, I had
[Iris:] But I thought she had a son living with her?
[Herbert:] I think there was two sons weren't there? And... one son
[Iris:] Well I'm sure... if you ever
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] you go past
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] down there, you have a look.
[Herbert:] yes
[Iris:] One of
[Herbert:] Well I
[Iris:] them's like
[Herbert:] I like
[Iris:] as though it's all been emptied and, and erm... I don't know!
[Herbert:] yes!
[Iris:] Well I imagine
[Herbert:] Right.
[Iris:] that it would go up for
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] sale wouldn't it, between them?
[Herbert:] Mm.... yes!... The family like.
[Iris:] I only only saw it cos it, it's
[Herbert:] No that
[Iris:] on a bad corner there and I don't like, I don't take
[Herbert:] No!
[Iris:] my eyes off the road.
[Herbert:] When did I,?... Oh! I was gonna get this when... it's chilly.
[Gordon:] What, when they've all passed there?
[Herbert:] ... That's right! And I go... back door here.
[Iris:] Yeah.... Yeah.
[Herbert:] At... like, like you're... it's, you come into a bend and you've got to watch it and... I er... just had a quick glance at it like, isn't it, you know?
[Iris:] It's the second one.
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] And it looks as though it was all whitewashed and.
[Herbert:] yes, and this new caravan one? Tie them
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Herbert:] at the front like,
[Iris:] But it looks, you know? As though
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] it's been all what's er named.
[Herbert:] Done, yes.
[Iris:] And I thought, well I, like, I know she's got married but I don't know
[Herbert:] Yeah.
[Iris:] about the others.
[Herbert:] yes.
[Iris:] I think one of them's separated.
[Herbert:] Aha.
[Iris:] And he came back home.
[Herbert:] Oh yeah.
[Iris:] But as for the others, I don't know.
[Herbert:] ... Well last... last year she came to the erm... the social, we have it in November, a big social event er... you know?
[Mary:] Well they all haven't got a soft mum and dad like you....
[Iris:] mum?... Seven and eighth on there.
[Stuart:] Oh I'll, I'll tape it to myself. Eh? What?... Still have her on it....
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] A minute for that please.... He's not very good at making gravy is he?
[Stuart:] No.
[Iris:] What are you waiting for Kimmy?
[Stuart:] She's waiting to follow me upstairs. [LAUGHTER]
[Alison:] You're not going upstairs.
[Stuart:] ...
[Iris:] You want a coat on outside....
[Stuart:] I've still got the runs by the way.... I've still got the runs by the way. I might not be here next week.... I've got to go and see the doctors I think.
[Iris:] Do you want to take a... are you still taking malaria?
[Stuart:] Yeah.
[Alison:] No, it was erm
[Iris:] Aye. Well when you've finished taking them, three pound odd a packet they are. I don't care.
[Alison:] There's a bug going round, so I hear....
[Iris:] Why didn't he take that with him and put it in for a minute, for god's sake....
[Stuart:] Pardon? Pardon mother?... Mm mm
[Iris:] Did you drain the water off them?
[Stuart:] lovely sprouts. Didn't put any in actually cos er in when they er freeze.
[Iris:] Here, put this over the top.
[Alison:] Or your potatoes will go dry....
[Stuart:] Thank you mother....
[Iris:] Does he want a smack in the mouth?... What do you want Kim?... I'm trying to use that one and then you can put your fresh one in. You'd better do it.
[Stuart:] Hasn't it been a lovely day? Very windy out.... Very windy out isn't it?...
[Iris:] Your nan's missing some chocolate eclairs....
[Stuart:] Missing some chocolate eclairs? Oh dear, I wonder where they've gone.... Hang on I'll have a look in the safe. [LAUGHTER]... Hark [LAUGHTER] do I [] do I hear the pools man coming round?...... Mm nice. Not steak again.... Steak seven times a week, well. You're gonna mess with that and it'll be crackling all over... Did you know?... And has me mum been?
[Alison:] No.
[Stuart:] Well where was she this morning when I was phoning? Where was she this morning when I was phoning up? Eh?... Alison.... [shouting] Alison []....
[Iris:] God, the whole house smells of sprouts now....
[Stuart:] And steak.... Alison....
[Iris:] You've gotta write down who speaks on it.
[Stuart:] Have you?
[Iris:] Oh this damn thing! Every time I come in this sink it's full of pots....
[Stuart:] Isn't it awful.... My god isn't it terrible.... And I'm sick of having steak every night mother....
[Iris:] You're dreaming again
[Stuart:] Can't we have porridge for a change?... Who's she on the phone to now?
[Iris:] She's not on the phone, she's talking to me mum.... Drag it off his knee Kim....
[Stuart:] You can have the gravy.... And that's all you're getting.
[Iris:] Is there onions in that gravy?...
[Stuart:] No.... We did have some but it went. Alison must have... I don't know why Alison puts... water in these cos you don't need it. Cos there's water in the frost.... Hang on Kim....
[Iris:] Chucked a big piece of salmon away, Herbert didn't want it.
[Stuart:] Oh!
[Iris:] Well I didn't know whether you wanted it or not! I did two steaks and he only wanted one.... Well I don't know whether you like salmon or not.... Do you?
[Stuart:] Mm.... The food your daughter gives me [LAUGHTER] anything'll do [].... All I've had today was a pastie, I thought I'd fast a bit.... This fasting makes you hungry. Doesn't it Kim?...
[Iris:] Damn again....
[Stuart:] Take something for it. [LAUGHTER]... Here you are mate.... Very nice that, very nice....... Eh?... Me stomach starts to churn. Everything I eat... my stomach starts churning.
[Iris:] Why does it record on that way and yet it's... running that way?
[Stuart:] Because you're probably doubling... doubling up on the recording.
[Iris:] What do you mean?... Will you stop it!...
[Stuart:] Are you ready my little
[Alison:] Does this look a mess?
[Stuart:] swamp duck. Yes.
[Iris:] No.
[Stuart:] Does it look a mess? No it doesn't.
[Alison:] It's all creased innit?
[Iris:] Well it was er you washed it. I didn't.
[Alison:] Well does it or doesn't it?...
[Iris:] No it's okay. Good.
[Stuart:] I'll just go and get the Volvo out. [LAUGHTER]...
[Alison:] Aren't we going in the Rolls?
[Stuart:] No, forget that. Who's acting the? That's what they damn want isn't it?
[Iris:] Does it want some new batteries in? It's flickering.
[Alison:] Yeah.
[Stuart:] Alright... evening mother, evening father, how are we? You alright?... Ready to go?... Go and see Sally... visiting... picture looks nice eh? the picture looks nice eh? Where are you gonna put the gold? It stinks of er
[Herbert:] Eh?
[Stuart:] it stinks in here, what you've been varnishing? Where just walking at the moment at cottage hospital now.
[speaker003:] ......
[Stuart:] Evening... I'm the good looking one
[Sally:] Hello
[speaker003:] How are you?
[Stuart:] Yeah, hi you
[Sally:] I heard your mother's voice
[Stuart:] Hello love
[Sally:] hello, how are you? I
[Stuart:] How you keeping?
[Sally:] Oh, I'm not too bad love, cos how are you
[speaker003:] Alright thanks
[Sally:] Oh
[Stuart:] You're looking well, have you been ill?
[Sally:] Eh?
[Stuart:] You're looking well, have you been ill? Who's is this here? No you're alright, don't worry, it's alright there, don't worry... do you want it moving? Want it
[Sally:] Put it down over here
[Stuart:] Yeah I put it, I'll put it there and if you want, if you want it back
[Sally:] put it on for us
[Stuart:] I'll bring it back for yeah, or I might not These chairs are a bit heavy aren't they?
[Sally:] Yes they are a bit
[Stuart:] Eh?
[Sally:] They are
[Stuart:] How are you ladies alright? It's alright don't worry Don't worry, don't worry, you're alright Oh they all fight round here
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] Well you're looking well
[Eddie:] Oh I look well I
[Stuart:] Yeah I Well you pair have been fighting and all have you?
[Sally:] Eh?
[Stuart:] You pair have been fighting as well have you?
[Sally:] No I've only just come in
[Stuart:] Have you? Oh right
[Sally:] Well she knows that she can't get
[Stuart:] Three bracelets eh? Brilliant, yeah.
[speaker003:] I didn't go back to
[Stuart:] It's very pleasant here isn't it?
[speaker003:] Yes and
[Stuart:] Ah I don't know what it'll be like [LAUGHTER], just looking for the grapes I No you're alright, don't worry, I could do with a week off work
[Sally:] Did you call to
[speaker003:] Yeah, call going up, then there was a letter and then er went back up and just books, rubbish
[Stuart:] and then she had a party
[speaker003:] I'm afraid to put one in the kitchen
[Eddie:] I, that's right, with a
[speaker003:] Do you know it was this morning
[Herbert:] Oh I, a few weeks
[speaker003:] A few days
[Herbert:] they close it down and then it was
[speaker003:] That's right yeah
[Sally:] And then the doors are closing
[Herbert:] I, that's right
[speaker003:] Brenda's got something like that in
[Sally:] yes she was worried about the television
[Eddie:] No it won't get better
[speaker003:] No
[Herbert:] Still got a bit of fire in them
[speaker003:] Well now and again like
[Eddie:] I that's what I mean
[speaker003:] Yeah
[Eddie:] it's not like they're gonna be
[speaker003:] no
[Eddie:] like old times
[speaker003:] in the morning
[Eddie:] That's right, I
[speaker003:] probably economise
[Iris:] You'd be no good working for standing there waiting for you'd be out as a fact... your hair at the back, don't tell anybody you're a hairdresser for god's sake. Pardon? Where's Kim?
[Stuart:] Over at Dave's, Dave's at er, we're talking about the er, there, talking about the greengage and er, says oh to Jackie, he said, oh yes Stuart's the M C for tonight, M C, M C, what do I want M C for? I said well it gives them a bit of panache don't it? Well, oh probably, here we go, got one on
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] ain't take
[Iris:] No by the time you get up the road and get back... why people really along here I don't know
[Stuart:] I don't know, I don't know
[Iris:] you don't have
[Stuart:] I won't take this, I'll leave it here
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] yeah
[speaker003:] ......
[Iris:] well you're using my well, in the left drawer on top of the fridge, lying beneath the fridge yes I know
[Stuart:] Ta ra love, see you later, take care now
[speaker003:] She didn't say what, she's, she's had a bit of a set back since then, she's had gall bladder trouble you know
[Sally:] Oh yes
[speaker003:] she's got over it quite well
[Sally:] She looks well doesn't she?
[speaker003:] Yeah, yeah
[Eddie:] Though she eats well though you know, oh does she, eats all her meat
[speaker003:] Ah well
[Sally:] among others, you know we, me, me sister lives at home well, I've got another younger sister well we have er, you know, from, from
[speaker003:] that's right, yeah
[Sally:] But my mother's no trouble is she, eh? No trouble
[speaker003:] No, no
[Sally:] at all and she's always busy either knitting
[speaker003:] Oh she's
[Sally:] or she's doing a embroidery or doing something
[speaker003:] alright
[Sally:] and she said, because don't like the idle hand
[speaker003:] Idle hand
[Sally:] if she's not doing that she's winding wool ready, she does I don't know whether you've ever seen
[speaker003:] oh yes
[Sally:] but I went to Lake in, in Cumbria, and I bought, but I saw, the first time I've ever seen it, it was like a wood and it had made, and it had got the four nails at the top
[speaker003:] Yeah
[Sally:] and she uses that you know and she makes rugs and
[Eddie:] They're, they're wonderful those and then she stitches them all together
[Sally:] Yeah, yeah
[speaker003:] I made
[Sally:] in September
[speaker003:] yeah, I made in the West Chest, Cheshire a she was making a quilt wasn't she?
[Sally:] Oh I a back, a back rest
[speaker003:] Made a big pile like, patch like that you know
[Sally:] Yeah
[speaker003:] and another big one, ooh it was lovely
[Sally:] She'd been in a car accident, she was there, er broken pelvis
[Eddie:] Oh dear
[speaker003:] No, she was
[Eddie:] Oh I, I
[speaker003:] send me one, she made herself
[Sally:] Yeah
[Eddie:] I, yes, oh
[Sally:] She said would you like to me to get you
[Eddie:] Are we going now? chucking out time chucking out time
[Sally:] and that, I said I couldn't sit down and do that I said, I
[speaker003:] Ooh she won't be in here that long
[Sally:] No,
[speaker003:] you'll be, you'll be at home before the on your feet
[Sally:] I don't think I'll be that long
[Eddie:] No
[speaker003:] No
[Sally:] it just depends when it stops weeping you see
[Eddie:] Oh
[speaker003:] My doctor said Oh you know,
[Sally:] well I'm, I'm quite happy, never going out, never see the outside world except I go in the ambulance
[speaker003:] Yeah, oh yeah you're happy
[Sally:] Oh very happy
[speaker003:] very good
[Sally:] I don't worry about er, you know, what's going on outside
[speaker003:] No, no
[Eddie:] No, don't it's terrible going out of business they haven't got the money have they?
[speaker003:] Are you here for good? Here for good in here No, no
[Sally:] I've got to get out as soon as I get, I've, I've promised at night I'd have, I'll, I'll have someone for a night, I've got to have someone at night as well as the day
[speaker003:] That's right, yes
[Sally:] I didn't want to, but
[speaker003:] No, well if you get someone trustworthy
[Sally:] Well I, I, I, I've see Mrs I've had her for so many, many years
[speaker003:] Oh well
[Sally:] but you see, I thought, I've got to get somebody strange now, for, for, for night time
[speaker003:] Oh
[Sally:] it won't be the same, I, I'm sure I can manage on me own, well I'm sure I can, but they say I can't, I've a another fall plus a
[speaker003:] Yeah
[Sally:] it wouldn't matter would it?
[Eddie:] I don't know I can't sleep
[Sally:] Well I don't know if you've had a good innings.
[speaker003:] Well I don't know
[Sally:] Your here as long as he'll let you stay
[speaker003:] Well that's right we can't go before our time
[Sally:] No I know.
[Eddie:] You can't jump the gun
[Sally:] No you can't. Who won with the football last night Liverpool or?
[Eddie:] No, Italy ten all weren't it?
[Stuart:] Yeah tonight
[Eddie:] Tonight
[Sally:] Oh
[Stuart:] Do you know her?
[Eddie:] No I'll ask her [LAUGHTER] Oh yeah
[speaker003:] I didn't spill that one at all
[Sally:] No
[Eddie:] Now where you going now?
[speaker003:] What times getting on now
[Sally:] Ten past eight
[Eddie:] Trying trying to get rid of us [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I
[Stuart:] Warm in here though, isn't it?
[speaker003:] Is it warm?
[Stuart:] Yeah Are you warm?
[Eddie:] That's right
[Stuart:] are you warm enough?
[Sally:] I'm warm enough, yeah
[Stuart:] Right
[Eddie:] Patience
[Sally:] That's it... I think
[speaker003:] When are you going to do the bucket work Sally?
[Sally:] There's all that bucket work waiting to be done, eh, the bucket work
[speaker003:] I, huh,
[Sally:] bucket work, leave that there now, getting the tray from the bottom, oh yes you need shoving it up, oh.
[speaker003:] Oh never mind you'll be in a bungalow soon
[Sally:] Oh yes
[speaker003:] you'll be in your bungalow soon how soon now? How soon?
[Sally:] Oh it depends when she's going to have the builders in
[speaker003:] Oh She wouldn't leave by there
[Sally:] No
[Eddie:] No
[Sally:] Well she don't want to leave, I think it's a silly thing to leave it
[Eddie:] Mm
[Sally:] you miss all your friends and everything you know. Elsie had these lights
[Eddie:] Oh yeah
[Sally:] that's what we're gonna have he said we see, I we're gonna have them
[Eddie:] We see, we see, have them
[speaker003:] You can't take your money with you.
[Sally:] You can't
[Eddie:] But it's something, something in you, you have to rush don't they? Why won't they wait?
[speaker003:] Why should they?
[Eddie:] Why should they?
[speaker003:] No, why should they?
[Eddie:] I have
[speaker003:] Take the rest of it
[Eddie:] pleasure spending
[speaker003:] No why, they've got lives of their own
[Eddie:] Well
[Sally:] let them live it, don't want saving for the children, no, they don't want nothing
[Eddie:] Well
[speaker003:] They've had far more than what we've ever had
[Sally:] Yes, you're right there, yes
[speaker003:] mind you I'd like to be like that
[Sally:] Yes, yes
[Eddie:] Eh, but have nothing in this farming today is it?
[speaker003:] Mm?
[Eddie:] Nothing in this farming today though
[speaker003:] No, no
[Eddie:] with these lads
[Sally:] no
[speaker003:] oh yes
[Eddie:] they stand for little money
[Sally:] yeah, that's right
[Eddie:] you know
[Sally:] oh it is, aye.
[speaker003:] used to go round with the milk you know
[Sally:] Yes I know
[speaker003:] I remember him going, going off with the milk
[Sally:] Yeah
[Eddie:] Yeah
[speaker003:] Oh I
[Eddie:] Lady of leisure
[Sally:] I wouldn't exactly say a lady of leisure
[speaker003:] She looks very well
[Sally:] I get up and I'm, in fact I lit a fire and his breakfast is ready when he comes in
[speaker003:] It is as well
[Eddie:] I eat quarter to eight
[speaker003:] What time?
[Sally:] I get up about seven
[Eddie:] I get up at five I have to get up
[Sally:] I used to get up
[Eddie:] It a be a good now though, wouldn't it? There's a lot of houses there now though
[Sally:] I have to take care you know, I have to take tablets with me everywhere I go. I keep very well really, I do quite a bit of walking, you know?
[speaker003:] Yes
[Eddie:] And quite a lot of writing too
[Sally:] But I don't
[Eddie:] and it's not on a bike either
[Sally:] No, no, he's just bought me a car now
[speaker003:] What you got?
[Sally:] Well I had a Fiesta, I've got a Volvo
[Stuart:] They do, don't they?
[Herbert:] Yeah
[Stuart:] Alright squire?
[Herbert:] Alright squire
[Stuart:] Eh?... No I don't know that lady over there Good evening Derek
[speaker003:] Good evening sir, like a pint?
[Stuart:] Oh I wouldn't mind sir, thanks a lot, that's awfully kind of you.
[speaker003:] Would you like a pint of
[Stuart:] Er, go on then if Seventy shillings, oh that'll do.
[speaker003:] No it won't
[Iris:] Think about it [LAUGHTER]
[Stuart:] Yeah, I know I did. Well it's not bad for seventy shillings... see that
[Iris:] Go on, come on,
[Stuart:] It's one pound Two pound, I beg your pardon See that's why, it's his wife
[Iris:] Oh have you,
[Stuart:] Not that I know of, no
[speaker003:] What?
[Iris:] Eh?
[speaker003:] Er one pound twenty
[Stuart:] Bloody hell
[Herbert:] I just get it settled then I'll give you the benefit of the doubt
[Stuart:] I've been trying that for me stomach since I've came back So you're saying sorry no, I've had er, I had to go to the doctors, carrying on, outside everything it's only there pal
[Herbert:] I miss
[Stuart:] You drop off when you're in it might rain tomorrow don't it? I said it looks like rain tomorrow
[Herbert:] Not bad
[Stuart:] You got fluoride in this, in this to clean you teeth?
[Iris:] I, [LAUGHTER]
[Stuart:] I think it's worse
[speaker003:] ......
[Stuart:] I would have thought the three, the first three, the first would of been three, right, but still, you know we want
[Herbert:] ironed out the creases
[Stuart:] Oh yes, right
[Herbert:] when, when you were next in, being a regular you're, say, a nominal
[Stuart:] What is it exactly then? What's this one then?
[Herbert:] That's eight stronger, can do a
[Stuart:] I'm not into strong ale
[Herbert:] Well it's not strong, strong
[Stuart:] Yeah, yeah I find strong ale very heavy
[Herbert:] Yeah
[Stuart:] ah, what, I, is that you?
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] I mean it's all don't mind what you're drinking then
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] No that'll do me I didn't have anything last Saturday you know what I mean?... I er
[Herbert:] I bet you're all wondering what that is in the erm, I'm just not getting it unknown territory, you know what it's like with a van, don't you, and then yeah
[Stuart:] gotta get done
[Herbert:] Yeah I'm arguing with them, when I'm I give it a break for a couple of, well about three Sundays now
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] [singing] Tell her I'm sorry, tell her I need my babe [] I'm a tell her, we've, we've I mean, a couple of them I like I remember a go, a go with some of them that I thought I could do, but realised I can't do, do you know what I mean? I, I, I was, about, what I, I do, I bought an Elvis Presley one er a Tom Jones one, that drinks one, you know, that I like, it's, it's well I like singing it, what I mean, I think what it is I'm looking for the old, I'm not being funny, I'm looking for the old voice I don't like me voice, I'm not liking it at all and I think that's what putting me off on taping it and listening to myself after, I don't, I like, I like to I shouldn't do it, I'm not gonna do it any more, I'm not gonna tape me own voice and listen to it... I just not listening to me own voice [singing] Left a good job in the city, working for a man [] Yeah, quite smooth actually Yeah, yeah, I thought that Hiya, yeah
[Herbert:] Yeah, some of them I like, some of them I don't like, er nice number that, er nice number, you see like that song, like you've choose
[Stuart:] Well I can tell you that it's actually this one, it's not a and it is a good one well the phrase at the end, I'm just about get, but,
[Herbert:] Yeah
[Stuart:] get the phrase in the end, it's, what we've done is, at the end they go, they do a [singing] rolling, rolling down the river, rolling, rolling, down the river, rolling, rolling down the river [] and they, no, and they dropped [singing] rolling, rolling [] see what I mean?
[Herbert:] Oh yeah
[Stuart:] One, two and when you think, you think
[Herbert:] You want another one?
[Stuart:] Ooh I've got one another, it goes [singing] rolling on the river [] right yeah yeah no what I found very different, wrong with this
[Herbert:] I mean you're like me, you want profession, you don't just come out and throw it, like that, you see
[speaker003:] [music]
[Stuart:] Oh we used to do one with erm the band, sometimes I'd get it right, others I wouldn't, but like you've just said they come come up after and say, ah, that bit late for I, but you did it for
[speaker003:] [music]
[Herbert:] Yeah, yeah, like I come down the other week and I
[Stuart:] Yeah
[Herbert:] I'm getting it, I'm getting over it very, very, very slowly...
[speaker003:] ... [music]
[Herbert:] Here are, give us it back
[Stuart:] I'm not being rude now, I've just come back from the Gambia and I haven't stopped what you've just said now, and I'm gonna go now I don't know what the hell it is Oh well, I'll have to be careful, I don't know what er, what's, what happened I said, I said to them, oh I hope he don't think I'm but I said because you bring some guy, you'll lend me the room on a Sunday afternoons, up and down you know, put the whistle on, and then bring them up and that'll be me Yeah, I I like do the Tom and, I won't, Tom and Jerry, I might do the Tom Jones one, cos I, I feel comfortable at
[Herbert:] Which I don't
[Stuart:] [singing] You don't have to be beautiful []
[speaker003:] ...
[Stuart:] Awfully sorry love, have to er dash off a bit
[speaker003:] [music]