[speaker001:] What?
[Stephen:] What do you mean, what?
[speaker003:] What about Colin?
[Stephen:] I haven't got him singing it.
[speaker003:] But they're good!
[Stephen:] Some of them are good. Some of them are crap. Most of them I'm going shut up in!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]... When are you playing at the Grove? Be two of you shouldn't it?
[Stephen:] Dunno if we are.
[speaker003:] No? Did Debby go and watch you, like in the end?
[Stephen:] I haven't asked her since the first time.
[speaker003:] Well then... Fred said she is after but you got another girl.
[Stephen:] Aye. I phoned Debby to get Steven 's phone number to get him to leave out the microphone and the amplifier and then he brought up the microphone and didn't bring up the amplifier. Cos he didn't think we wanted one. So, like we couldn't
[speaker003:] Do you Steven,?
[Stephen:] No, he's a total wanker! But I
[speaker003:] Aye. Steven he's a bit thick!
[speaker004:] Steven who? Who? The big one or... blonde haired
[Stephen:] Steven
[speaker003:] Steven.
[speaker004:] one.
[Stephen:] Steven. Big one, yeah.
[speaker003:] Big one. Didn't tell you
[speaker004:] Fat wee face for the geezer
[speaker003:] He reminds me of, no it's not him, he reminds me of Brian.
[speaker005:] Bu aye, he remind me of Brian actually.
[speaker003:] Michael reminds me of Brian.
[speaker005:] Michael? Maybe he's.
[speaker003:] Try and get somebody.
[Stephen:] Total dick, like! He breaks up with Michael and I go round... cu, I I'll give them the car and get the amplifier, and he goes what amplifier? And I went... [LAUGHTER] fuck you, wanker []! Right. And they're keep us waiting for an hour.
[speaker003:] He's even, but I told him but I'm glad.
[speaker004:] Well
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]... it wasn't very funny, you know []!
[Stephen:] I'm sure Rick had to run into the car cos they were gonna beat his fuck in!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Yes! He told me []!
[speaker005:] Who was shitting it?
[Stephen:] But like
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] And []
[Stephen:] you know, I would have come over here and... come and play at giving you a beating or something like that.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] At least he was gonna get out of the car jump []!
[speaker005:] Do you re remember when I into your house and you told my dad?
[speaker004:] Did he?
[speaker005:] Er, someone up and asked
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker005:] you?
[speaker006:] Why all the
[speaker005:] At least you find somebody, somebody shitting themselves [LAUGHTER] []!
[speaker003:] It was funny though! They took the... the, his petrol cap off and everything! Just... gonna chuck a match down it. Fucking amusing!
[Stephen:] Fuck! That would have been amusing! Stephen
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[Stephen:] would have been dead! [LAUGHTER] Yo oh oh []!
[speaker003:] I mean it was really, I watched it!
[Stephen:] Oh!... That prick... he's good at making us laugh.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] He reminds me of gay Peter.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] I thought he was?
[speaker004:] No, that's Stephen.
[speaker006:] I'm sorry!
[speaker003:] No it's not, it's
[speaker004:] That guy's a right tit!
[Stephen:] A total
[speaker003:] You know
[Stephen:] pillock!
[speaker003:] and he all he took was, like it was funny he got accepted into Oxford decided he was gonna buy him a bottle of champagne.
[speaker005:] Great!
[Stephen:] Brilliant!
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] And when he leaves []!
[Stephen:] That'll make you die going to Oxford then.
[speaker004:] I know.
[speaker003:] [very loud music]
[speaker006:] Stephen 's got a date.
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Worse things could happen.
[speaker004:] Not even?
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah! An and that []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Fucking went and arrested him!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... He was pretty shitting himself! He wasn't gonna go so he wasn't!
[speaker004:] school.
[speaker006:] Well it's good! He kept going round the corner.
[speaker004:] Going down to see her.
[speaker006:] Fucking hell!
[speaker004:] I swear you have a screw loose cos he was playing... oh well,. I don't know where he was.
[Stephen:] Aye, he was lost on it.
[speaker003:] You opened up there.
[Stephen:] Och! I wo never, the people just walked in the door like. I didn't know who.
[speaker005:] The best... was when the both men.
[Stephen:] Thanks a Jud! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] The way I the, the girl with the short hair. And then I went upstairs and she followed me.
[Stephen:] The one with the vertical eyebrows?
[speaker005:] Hey you! No, not him. Erm,.
[speaker004:] Oh! Which one, in security?
[speaker005:] And... What?
[speaker004:] Security?
[speaker003:] Security.
[Stephen:] Security officer.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Which one?
[speaker005:] You probably didn't see him actually, he was hanging around upstairs.
[speaker004:] Aye, perhaps I saw him like, cos I was upstairs like.
[speaker005:] I dunno.
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker005:] And see, she was in a bolshie mood. He said, I [LAUGHTER] if I were you! No []!
[speaker003:] He wanted her to follow upstairs for you.
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Go out with me?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Good though innit!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] then he let her go []! Oh right!
[Stephen:] Had a li, definitely didn't leave the door open.
[speaker007:] Hello.
[speaker004:] Hello there!
[speaker007:] Hello. I'm okay.
[speaker004:] How you feeling?
[Stephen:] Hello.
[speaker007:] Okay. How are you?
[Stephen:] Alright? How are you?
[speaker007:] Okay. You started early?
[Stephen:] Oh?
[speaker007:] Mm. Did you have a nice time?
[speaker004:] ... Yeah, it was fair enough.
[speaker007:] Was there many people there?
[speaker004:] Well, there was a good crowd. Pretty good crowd, yeah.
[speaker007:] Right.
[speaker004:] Mm... pretty good!
[speaker006:] Morning!
[speaker007:] Morning.
[Stephen:] [singing] Doo doo doo [].
[speaker007:] band see?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker001:] Was it better value?
[speaker004:] I dunno er
[Stephen:] It's on.
[speaker001:] What's this?
[Stephen:] It's a ta
[speaker001:] Would anyone like a wine gum?
[speaker006:] No thanks love.
[speaker003:] Stephen?
[speaker006:] I was.
[speaker003:] Want one?
[speaker006:] Stephen, are you working in the morning?
[Stephen:] No, not tonight.
[speaker005:] [singing] Doo da da da da da da [].
[speaker006:] So you'll getting up in the morning?
[Stephen:] Yep.... [sighing] Oh dear me []!
[speaker006:] So if you've to be half past nine there, what time do you need up at?
[speaker005:] Right! Bye!
[speaker006:] Bye!
[speaker001:] See you!
[speaker007:] Are you giving me a lift or will I arrange to come over in the office?
[speaker006:] Aye. Sure is that. Well I'll go over to, okay?
[speaker007:] Well, we didn't know what you'd planned for tomorrow!
[speaker006:] And I might be going.
[speaker007:] Well, you're not having any choice!
[speaker006:] Oh, am I not? Avenue now.... I'll be running you to work petal.... What time did we say? Is your coffee alright?
[Stephen:] Dad, do you want your other
[speaker006:] Yes.
[Stephen:] Are you sure?
[speaker006:] Quite surely.... Wine gum.
[speaker007:] Stephen's.
[speaker006:] Well I was just co
[speaker007:] I want the head and er sticking a bolt in it! That thing left off, you know,! [crockery noise]
[speaker006:] [singing] Dee dee dee, dee dee [].
[Stephen:] What did you have to eat?
[speaker006:] Er... bake or something like that it's called. And salad. And then stuffed carrot. It was quite nice! And er... then there was cheesecake and... or chocolate meringue.
[Stephen:] What's chocolate meringue like?
[speaker006:] Er, it wasn't nothing, I tell you!
[Stephen:] Didn't think so.
[speaker006:] And raspberry... or a raspberry mousse, that was quite nice!... Stephen, you'll have to have words with Graham this morning. And it's.
[Stephen:] Right.
[speaker006:] Anyway, I'll give you a lift in.
[Stephen:] Erm... well... what time you leaving? Can I have a lift?
[speaker006:] Leaving at quarter to nine.
[Stephen:] What's the latest you can wake me up like.
[speaker006:] Mm?
[Stephen:] What's the la, latest you can wake me up?
[speaker006:] Er, about quarter to ten then I'm away then.
[Stephen:] Aye. Wake me up about half eight.
[speaker006:] Right.
[Stephen:] Alright?
[speaker006:] Wake you up at half eight?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker006:] Make sure you're up at...
[Stephen:] Aye. What's the joke?
[speaker006:] Did Colin come?
[Stephen:] Yeah. There. Alright. In the bath.
[speaker006:] wine gum.
[Stephen:] Bloody hell! Unless he's improved, normally out like.
[speaker006:] Stephen, you don't want to leave all over the kitchen like that, it's really.
[Stephen:] Linda knows what it is, but I'm just not saying anything about it.
[speaker006:] What?
[Stephen:] Linda was here like when mum told me.... [whistling]... Oh yeah!... [singing] Your so right []!
[speaker004:] What do you think Brian'll say?
[Stephen:] He was pretty hurt Chris.
[speaker004:] Honest? The only way I see how... do you
[speaker001:] Oh yeah!
[speaker004:] admit it?
[speaker001:] Yeah. Oh definitely!
[speaker004:] Th, not?
[Stephen:] Aye, I'm glad you're thinking along the lines cos I think Chris and Dave they did, but erm had to be persuading.
[speaker004:] I think Paul could to sing better.
[speaker001:] toilet on the right too. [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] You better let me in or I'll.
[speaker008:] This one?
[Stephen:] I have heard of it er... even went to the concert like.
[speaker001:] I can't remember what it sounds like. [music]
[Stephen:] I was sitting, I dunno just... mucking about yesterday... and I just and really dead boring
[Paul:] I don't wanna hear this Stephen!
[Stephen:] Pardon?
[Paul:] Dirty bastard!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... and like, just started to feel sick and then er
[speaker008:] Ah that's gross! Did it break?
[Stephen:] It hits
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]... Go on.
[Stephen:] And er,jus playing so that I was trying to like... erm... or P A B, or P A E B as th,. Erm... and I just suddenly... flipped and I can't
[Paul:] But not the
[Stephen:] remember the very song. At the very start of the song.
[speaker008:] Couldn't remember the start.
[Paul:] Second song, first... first or the second side.
[speaker008:] Well that's what it could be.
[Paul:] It is.
[speaker008:] First song of the side. Oh, the first song of the second side, but how did you know?
[Paul:] Cos I say what songs we're singing.
[Stephen:] No it's erm... it jus, just the last bit, but like
[speaker008:] Oh fuck!
[Stephen:] a few bars on the end.
[Paul:] , I do I don't listen to that.
[Stephen:] Well I, I listened to it and it's so gonna be fucking
[Paul:] Yeah, I know that.
[Stephen:] And like
[speaker008:] Yeah. It's always a
[Stephen:] that never moves. Like
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Stephen:] miles better and like
[Paul:] Don't suppose you... can pick that up?
[speaker008:] You ever heard Godfrey?
[Stephen:] Heard of him. Haven't heard him. What?
[Paul:] Erm... I gathered he was fucking tonight?
[Stephen:] What?
[Paul:] Your God blessed.
[speaker008:] Yeah!
[Paul:] Yeah, every time he goes, he says God bless you! fuck!
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] And is he?
[Paul:] Definitely heavier than fuck!
[speaker008:] I dunno, you know. Well there's a quite a lot of soul.
[Paul:] just the heavy stuff. It's this great record! Got a job on Wednesday... Tuesday.. drum machine.
[speaker008:] Bit like.
[Paul:] And Derek's been replaced by [LAUGHTER] a machine []!
[speaker008:] No it's not. No it's not that I was just getting together to play a bit of recording stuff. You know the kind of stuff, I think you can do it.
[Stephen:] Oh! Do you know your man... er... the guy that comes in here with the ginger hair. Mark!
[speaker008:] Mark.
[Paul:] Mark.
[Stephen:] Know him, yeah? Well him and his mates are getting together... and I think
[speaker008:] Aha ha!
[Paul:] Are they?
[Stephen:] Yeah, with there.
[Paul:] talk about yesterday, he was talking about giving up.
[speaker008:] What's he doing?
[Stephen:] No, it was true yesterday.
[Paul:] Aha.
[Stephen:] ... his mate... says it's his birthday and his dad paid for a recording session... somewhere.
[Paul:] Eh?
[Stephen:] For a... hired a studio for three hours.
[speaker008:] Och! Sod off!
[Paul:] Yeah?
[Stephen:] And he said they've made
[speaker008:] Having a laugh!
[Stephen:] as much stuff as possible, all these guitars!
[Paul:] [belch]
[Stephen:] Well your man, your man, the guitars.
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Ah! Fuck!
[Stephen:] Er er
[speaker008:] Where did he get them from?
[Stephen:] Ah, he just scrounged them off of me.
[Paul:] Just and all these... and a couple of a key sixes their playing.
[speaker008:] Have they got any songs organised or anything?
[Stephen:] No, no.
[speaker008:] That's normal.
[Stephen:] just all er Madness.
[speaker008:] Just old stuff er
[Stephen:] We should have kept it on hold. He should have kept the studio in time for some...
[speaker008:] And have a practice... of some sort.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker008:] Like when they're having
[Paul:] Not, not, no not their own stuff. I mean, stuff that they... your cover versions and stuff, you know, and all that.
[speaker008:] Oh I know but, if I was getting studio time there's no way I'd be going through the
[Paul:] You wanna do your own stuff.
[speaker008:] fucking covers! That's stupid!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] It really is! I think we'd be better ourselves, like!
[Stephen:] Never heard this. [music]
[speaker008:] Yeah I
[Paul:] I dunno.
[Stephen:] Ah! Wouldn't you know like!
[speaker008:] Ah! Fuck you would!
[Stephen:] I fucking would now!
[Paul:] You wouldn't like, cos you know and... saying, saying there if you would like.
[Stephen:] But I wouldn't!
[speaker008:] Then... you know what, ah seriously... I couldn't
[Paul:] Cos everybody else did.
[Stephen:] I wanted to.
[Paul:] You would have
[speaker008:] I say
[Paul:] been the only one who wouldn't go.
[speaker008:] I'd say yeah I would.
[Stephen:] I would and all, you know.
[Paul:] Ha! No one else.
[Stephen:] Like, don't tell me that I tried to get a.
[Paul:] I didn't think you'd gone out.
[Stephen:] They got a small, really small casing.
[speaker008:] You should have... I'm gonna have to go in and get me a... a double bass like. It's.
[Stephen:] Got this double bass and he's talking about like.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] He didn't push, your weight on it. They reckon they've got about four songs down recorded and mixed in four hours!
[speaker008:] No way!
[Stephen:] they'll be lucky to get one done. And they'll be... something like a hundred quid... for a single.
[Paul:] Well Mark says they've got twenty songs prepared like.
[speaker008:] Twenty?
[Paul:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Twenty? In four hours? No way!
[Paul:] No, three.
[speaker008:] Three hours?
[Paul:] Fuck that!
[Stephen:] We got... what?
[speaker008:] One.
[Paul:] You know why? When I told them that you's got about three and mixed up
[speaker008:] We did three in six hours, and we were... alright at the time. Cos we all knew what we were doing. Well!
[Stephen:] Three in six hours?
[speaker008:] Mm.
[Stephen:] Wow!
[speaker008:] It's a lot, lot longer than you think Steve. I mean
[Stephen:] I I knew it'd be longer, but it doesn't take fucking, takes three hours to do one song!
[speaker008:] Well it didn't. I mean I I had the guitar stuff done within an hour but it getting all... vocals over-dubbed and doubling everything up and then, it took forever to mix it together. But we did it really good!
[Stephen:] You had to it all yourself or
[speaker008:] Alright, we're in a forty odd track [LAUGHTER] studio []!
[Paul:] Wah!
[speaker008:] I didn't wanna to do anything, you know. No! The guy did it know what I mean, but... just takes a hell of a lot longer to mix like. He ended up costing me something good... more like!... It was twenty five to ten or something. But we wouldn't have done it unless we needed it... copied down. Couldn't get it. That's the only reason why we did it.
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Paul:] See... you heard Ghost Devils?
[speaker008:] Feargal. no time, he records in his bedroom, I swear to God, it sounds... best blooming recording!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] I swear to God!
[Paul:] They were playing hymns. I come round one time.
[speaker008:] Yeah!
[Paul:] Oh yeah, I heard that.
[speaker008:] Sisters of Mercy, come in and fucking helpless! Better than
[Paul:] I heard
[speaker008:] the quality in. I swear to God!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... [belch]
[Paul:] Ah! But you got... black playing for their G C S E pa er, practical.
[Stephen:] No?
[Paul:] Ah! But I kno
[speaker008:] It's great!
[Paul:] you know what I did yesterday? [whispering] Shit []! He's sat in there and we all listened to them and insulted them basically!
[speaker008:] We should sa, say, someone should sit them down and poin, point out the facts to you, like... fucking wise up! Sell your instruments and get a job or something! Fuck! You think they'd be a bit better than they are.
[Stephen:] Mm. [music] Did they take passports up to, up to
[speaker008:] Oh God! That's the most horrible thing Steve that thing!
[Paul:] What, or something?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] He had a crappy... Hemworth guitar and stuck white sticky paper all over it so it would look
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] like Eddie Van Halen! He came down on his knees to do a solo really because he can't actually play to back me up!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] Fucking joke []! And everyone thought he was posing but it was actually who did it.
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] He's a fucking sad bastard!
[Paul:] Sweets.
[Stephen:] Bastard! You let.
[speaker008:] And I said really.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] What []?
[Paul:] You read my fan letter again?
[speaker008:] Yeah he is, he's falling to bits!
[Stephen:] I always did. That noi, that Neil just annoys so
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] what's, do you want to come
[speaker008:] Ya.
[Stephen:] to bed like? and he goes... ner!
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] And he goes... who's flying! Right, and then holding me up and put a jab then in then go... [whingeing] ner er er er! []
[Paul:] Dicky was all part of this was he?
[speaker001:] Whose are these? Okay.
[Paul:] Oh thanks!
[speaker008:] We've got three hundred watt amps rustled up to the...
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Who does?
[speaker008:] Us.
[Paul:] Where the fuck did you get those from?
[speaker008:] Well, gonna use 's, and then er
[Stephen:] Oh! Three hundred
[speaker008:] You.
[Paul:] That's right. I thought you meant, ah, three hundred!
[speaker008:] Oh no.
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Er... mm mm.
[Stephen:] You should see this fucking drum machine! You should see the size! You put a wee on the drums and practically e eighteen on the bass drums and the snares, so you just go woo!
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] And the three amp will do what like? With the reverb on the amp as well as the one on the drum machines I'll say... God damn heavy!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Seriously! And the sound, you know you can get them to programme all... every conceivable drum para, you know, every. Stuff you couldn't do as a drummer because you would have to follow the snare drum at the same time
[Paul:] Yeah.
[speaker008:] as well as the cymbals and shit.... I haven't heard go good drummers tonight.
[Paul:] Well that's a fucking good drum I should think! The double bass' ll be going... like a, seriously like a machine gun.
[Stephen:] Heavier than a machine gun!
[Paul:] Jesus! Chris, Chris, you know my friend, and Chris must have been quite new at this, you know that song that like when the double bass and then
[speaker008:] Yes.
[Paul:] just that... for the one part of the riff right? And he was going at double the speed, I'm not joking! It wa, it was going
[speaker008:] Brilliant!
[Paul:] We got there and there was a, you know, the two like this are going, I was going
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Fine! Has he got a double bass like? drums like?
[Paul:] No, no, just a pedal.
[speaker008:] Just a pedal.
[Paul:] Ah fuck! I swear to God it was unbelievable! Peter was going... [mimicking] mm mm mm mm ah! []
[speaker008:] God! I hate that fucking record!
[Stephen:] It's sick!
[Paul:] What's wrong with that?
[speaker008:] It goes on and on and on! !
[Paul:] Bitch!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] The last dog in!
[Stephen:] She looks like a stupid bitch too!
[speaker008:] She is!
[Paul:] Stupid bitch!
[speaker008:] [belch]... Did you go out last night?
[Stephen:] No, Thursday night.
[speaker008:] Oh! I went up the barns last night.
[Stephen:] Who with, Michael?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Says you that's been!
[speaker008:] No, I'm quite serious here.
[Stephen:] And what did he do?
[speaker008:] Go and jumps someone.
[Paul:] Lose himself or something.
[speaker008:] Oh Christ!
[Stephen:] Lose himself!
[speaker008:] Yo, ah well, you know. You know how it is with the two... er... two parts of the
[Stephen:] Her as well?
[Paul:] It's not.
[speaker008:] No sorry! Two riffs, two parts of the song. [LAUGHTER] I didn't wanna do the song []! I also tried the jump shot which was hilarious and! Jump in the air and basically when I tried what he was doing, I mean, it turned out he'll tell me what it was. She was leaning over talking to him... and saying something sort of like... [mimicking girl] I've never been so embarrassed in my life []! [LAUGHTER] I thought, oh []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] My life, I'm going... oh well that didn't work! [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Why what did you do?
[speaker008:] I said that I'm... he says er... I said to her... Dave here told me I should jump you! [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] , was he driving as well?
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] He was unconscious, that's why []!
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Yeah, I was talking to Stuart
[Paul:] Oh!
[speaker008:] and him and Mickey were having sort of... bird jumping competition, right? So Stuart was going first, and er... he would pick on this, you know, supposedly he talking to this girl sprawled out and
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] she was pissed out of her mind! You know, semi-conscious! Er... he works [LAUGHTER] up to this! Would you like me to help you outside? [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] She immediately sobered up a lot! She's given him on right between the legs! []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] And then only, gently rolled off the seat that she was sitting on and tried to crawl the way back []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] That's what I was doing, cos right 's the only one that deserves it!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Yeah. Seriously! That's his line like, he walks up to you, would you like me to help [LAUGHTER] you outside []?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Oh!
[speaker008:] So she just like kick him one.
[Paul:] Kelly.
[speaker008:] Yeah. Her.
[Paul:] Fuck sake! I thought that would help.
[speaker008:] Yeah. Ah no, he asked... tha, we're all just pissed as farts [LAUGHTER] basically []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] And was Paddy.
[Stephen:] You know? I almost put his eye down, had his eye bro down the last time I was out with my dog.
[Paul:] Seriously, I was.... What we doing? [LAUGHTER]... someone's eye out []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] He's coming up to, and 's is sitting on the stairs looking, and he was going like this... and er, oh fucking hell cos she [LAUGHTER]! Did you look to see anything? Fucking white sitting across his eyelid []! Oh shit! Sorry! If he hadn't had his eye closed, seriously, you know where your eyes bu sort of
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Paul:] it's a big today.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Paul:] It's great!
[speaker008:] Well, what about Michael went on his arms during and absolutely wrecked his arm!
[Stephen:] What were these? Coach?
[speaker008:] Coach. I thought he'd never get the band off the road. This is shit! That is only one word! They all went down to the park before hand cos nobody finished the. And lay in the bus and... went down to the park. heard his that er bottle came
[Stephen:] A bottle?
[speaker008:] a bottle.
[Stephen:] Oh aye. Why?
[speaker008:] And he went fucking drank it!
[Stephen:] He always
[Paul:] He al
[Stephen:] like drinking methylated spirits!
[speaker008:] Oh I swear to God! It hit Feargal.
[Paul:] Yes! [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] He hit him?
[Paul:] Oh! He did, yeah.
[speaker008:] It really is
[Stephen:] I thought it wa... he'll tell me if it's nothing like the taste of
[speaker008:] and er
[Stephen:] alcohol.
[speaker008:] no wonder
[Paul:] It tastes fuel. You ask him.
[speaker008:] he wants to get into a fight with er he said he's gonna hit, hit Feargal
[Stephen:] It tastes like drinking petrol now! Cos it's almost like petrol.
[speaker008:] onto the bus. Feargal just turns round and
[Paul:] Ah well I got there first!
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []! That dodgy, he didn't have to say that!
[Stephen:] After th,a, remember he was out having his twenty first birthday party? I think it was either that and there was at least twelve
[speaker008:] He didn't invite.
[Stephen:] Are you listening there?
[speaker008:] No!
[Paul:] He hadn't been drinking regularly and it's probably
[Stephen:] . He couldn't remember a single!
[speaker008:] That's it. Then thought I was trying to.
[Stephen:] You know, like you get the, you get the always one don't you?
[speaker008:] Ah you
[Stephen:] [singing] da la, la la la da lee []. You know, I mean just oh
[speaker008:] Just awful!
[Stephen:] kicking and then they go, [mimicking] oi! Oi! Oi! [] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Ah fuck!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Oh God dynamite []! I'm sure it's fucking his!
[speaker008:] Ah! No, they like to split this bottle of tequila between them and they're both fucking wrecked! And we've noticed a bit unconscious. Unfortunately Kelly.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Then Michael and me did a lot of singing. Ha!
[Stephen:] It is fucking easy like if he had. [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Bing!
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] Bastard []!
[Stephen:] Hey!
[speaker008:] You'll soon change
[Paul:] Oh [shouting] quelle bastardo! []
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker008:] Just pull that.
[Paul:] Maybe we should change that shop to... Bastardo Comics!
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker008:] Why?
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER] Why not []?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] For that
[Stephen:] Well I
[Paul:] reason.
[Stephen:] well I went down to the park had to a... act, [LAUGHTER] went on again []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Okay, start again we'd hate to waste it!
[Paul:] collapses.
[Stephen:] with an adventure playground sort of thing.
[Paul:] Drunk I think.
[speaker008:] Well, well actually screws up that's what happens!
[Paul:] Ah ah ah ah ah! Yes!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Think about it []!
[Paul:] No, there was this thing, you know with tyres?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Paul:] Mo gets up on the top of them... stands right up the top, spreads around there's!
[speaker008:] I want to!
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER] Jesus Christ []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] All the way to the top!
[Paul:] No fucking
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[Paul:] that's the.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker008:] They're only from walking across the wee bridge going, the boat going
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Oh! Oh God!
[Stephen:] Have you ever used one of those... grip master things?
[speaker008:] No.
[Paul:] No.
[Stephen:] Some wanker in our school paid ten quid for one of those.
[Paul:] I heard about some guy came up
[speaker008:] What is it?
[Paul:] after being down there and he had one and he was talking to his mates when and he was going... do think this' ll do me any good?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] No you fucking waz!
[Paul:] I said... [LAUGHTER]... it'll help his
[speaker008:] Definitely, why don't you get better at playing guitar, like fucking!
[Stephen:] Oh! One of those exercise things.
[Paul:] for er... they are
[speaker008:] It has, it's like, it's like
[Paul:] It's got
[speaker008:] stupid
[Paul:] it's got
[speaker008:] it's got a bar in the middle right
[Paul:] All you do, you don't actually
[Stephen:] Right.
[Paul:] spri spring, er two springs at the bottom and just a flat bar and it has four keys with springs on the top... and like, you just go
[speaker008:] Just do this.
[Paul:] Right, one of those. They're definitely supposed to help your guitar playing.
[speaker008:] ... Helps you
[Paul:] Like I can't squeeze round
[speaker008:] Just with your fingers
[Paul:] I can't squeeze just on the
[speaker008:] individual rhythm got
[Paul:] I got
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Yeah, what? I can't squeeze there.
[Stephen:] For the extra rhythm!
[speaker008:] When you're
[Paul:] and like
[speaker008:] having a toss.
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Paul:] It'll be fucking!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] [whispering] []! Stupid shit!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Oh God!
[speaker008:] Advice from the master... you're fucking useless!
[Stephen:] It's true! I mean, like it's so!
[Paul:] Or things
[Stephen:] Squeeze!
[Paul:] it's like, half a... er... it's only about that much... of a, a guitar neck.
[speaker008:] Yes, that's.
[Paul:] And sort of like,th the handle going like this here. [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] I swear to God the strings []!
[Stephen:] Ah! Jesus! No way!
[Paul:] You could buy a packet of strings, right? Cut them up... [LAUGHTER] the, and then []
[Stephen:] Well how many, how many frets are there?
[speaker008:] Just use!
[Paul:] It said it one of the guitar magazines... I use my all the time before, [LAUGHTER] before winding up for a gig [], and all this sees... for wrecking one of the guitars!
[Stephen:] Well why not?
[Paul:] It's not just.
[speaker008:] All, all of these companies to them and said if you endorse this we'll give you.
[Stephen:] Yeah alright.
[Paul:] Probably uses it to light the fire with! They send him a free one every six months!
[speaker008:] I need to scrape the scale off my....
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]...
[speaker008:] Oh yeah! Oh!
[Paul:] It's not one of those
[Stephen:] It's only got, I mean, it's only got about five frets on it, so you.
[speaker008:] Diddle it!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Diddle it!
[Paul:] He's so stupid!
[Stephen:] I seriously can't wait for Tuesday. To have this blast like! I haven't played with anyone for like... since
[Paul:] [belch]
[Stephen:] months ago! It's over six months!
[speaker008:] You should have the.
[Paul:] Pardon!
[Stephen:] Well
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] I've not forgotten all about it.
[speaker008:] You got a playing.
[Stephen:] Out of sight, you know, what I mean, anyway. [banging table]
[Paul:] Are you gonna try and get it do... down the?
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] No I'll wait here today.
[Paul:] You fucking out here! [whispering] [].
[Stephen:] Well, anything else?
[Paul:] Well surely not. You know that.
[speaker008:] Yeah. It's like in first like.
[Paul:] Oh God!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Oh this place that you []... where you wouldn't get a handbag stolen and all that.
[Paul:] Oh yeah.
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] This fucking er.
[speaker008:] Alright.
[Stephen:] .
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] [].
[Stephen:] No, but the sister split up with her.
[speaker001:] I bet you shit yourself when your mum and dad weren't there! Yeah! Hey? Cunt! You just suit yourself!
[Stephen:] Oh, he was telling me, he said... hey!? [LAUGHTER] [break in recording] [sigh]... Start. He's... still in the door.... Looks pretty sore like.... Big lot of nice stitches.
[speaker001:] What?
[Stephen:] Big lot nice of stitches.
[speaker001:] Mm.
[Stephen:] Don't get upset.
[speaker001:] Do you know what you look like?
[Stephen:] What? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Sometimes []!
[Stephen:] For your.
[speaker001:] Do I? [LAUGHTER] I hate them [].
[Stephen:] I bet they went, ooh!... Ooh!
[speaker001:] It's another one.
[Stephen:] It's another one.
[speaker001:] They weren't getting any business. People stopped giving it to them. Are you sure?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] I didn't even know that. Is it closed?
[speaker003:] Oh aye.
[Stephen:] It's pa
[speaker001:] It is open.
[speaker003:] I'd I knew it was open, I've never been in it. There was one of the fellers that... we were in town... and.... In Belfast. Some place called the Kennedy Centre.
[Stephen:] I er... know about that.
[speaker001:] Here are Rick!
[speaker003:] Try to stop him falling down the road.
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker003:] Just stop him falling down the road. Just thought I'd.
[Stephen:] Whoop!
[speaker003:] Oh! I'll take the others as well. Can you stick tomato sauce actually.
[Stephen:] Do you wanna chip Rick?
[speaker001:] Er, no, no thanks.
[speaker007:] What time is er Jenny in at? Oh! She's not in today?
[speaker005:] No.
[speaker010:] Jenny?
[speaker007:] Is Jenny in?
[speaker008:] She's been in and away again.
[speaker007:] Oh! Right, at half four.
[speaker008:] She can't go tonight can she?
[speaker007:] I believe she's caught on smoking.
[speaker008:] She got in big, big trouble if they see her like she's
[speaker007:] Oh was that alright? What school does she go to?
[speaker008:] ... Wallace is it?
[Stephen:] Wallace, yeah.
[speaker007:] And she was caught smoking? Ask her.
[speaker008:] But I couldn't thought. Cos I caught Nathan smoking.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] Where? [LAUGHTER] Where []?
[speaker008:] Oh I try not to smoke around him, you know, but erm... Mike had left this on the floor... on, in the ashtray
[speaker007:] I remember doing that other time as well as me.
[speaker008:] and it pulled over and the next thing I saw this smoke puffing, Nathan was sitting [sigh]
[Stephen:] Choking to death!
[speaker008:] Probably dead, you know and his nappy stinking and he was blowing it! Bit of smoke, that's why he was going woo ha, like that, and he was coughing and spluttering now, like I was a... I was like smoking round him.
[speaker007:] dunno whether he learnt his lesson now.
[speaker008:] Oh God! Aye! Made him sick! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] Shouldn't be like that!
[speaker008:] I know!
[Stephen:] That's fucking
[speaker008:] I know! Like, it's a bit ridiculous but I like
[speaker007:] Well you didn't have to do that because er, well she sa
[speaker008:] And
[speaker007:] he set it as a, as an example
[speaker008:] as an example
[speaker007:] so
[speaker008:] Think I'd get a better example like....
[Stephen:] Hello.
[speaker001:] Hello son.
[Stephen:] Is it alright if I borrow one of your son's ties?
[Paul:] No.
[speaker001:] No.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... Thank you very much!
[Paul:] Why did you ever ask? Don't you let him take it.
[speaker001:] I'll give him... I'll give him one of mine.
[Stephen:] What?
[Paul:] Which one, which one.
[Stephen:] Because I'm going out with people from work tonight and seeing as I'm so it'll look a bit off.
[Paul:] Oh you want something different?
[Stephen:] Aye. What are doing with the people you work with then?
[Paul:] He probably wouldn't understand it, Timmy.
[Stephen:] One of the girls I work with is getting married... and has got married today and...
[Paul:] Oh it's the disco is it?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker001:] And where is the disco?
[Stephen:] Er, some... erm... hotel out at the airport.
[speaker001:] How you going to get there?
[Stephen:] Well somebody, some of the, one of the guys that I works with coming to pick me up.
[Paul:] Do you want his purple one, is that what you're looking for?
[Stephen:] Oh well... I thought he had a
[Paul:] Here's a purple one.
[Stephen:] sort of like maroony one with purple bits on it.
[Paul:] Aye, that's what I'm talking about.
[Stephen:] Go and get that.
[Paul:] Aye. Er, the purply one? Here it is.
[Stephen:] Aye, that's the one.... [whispering] [].
[Paul:] It's covered in disgusting bits!
[speaker001:] What about that?
[Paul:] He won't let me near it.
[speaker001:] Used to Walter's tie.
[Stephen:] Aye
[Paul:] What is?
[Stephen:] that's a cracker! I've heard it's
[Paul:] It's too thick.
[speaker001:] That was why, why he didn't wear that.
[Stephen:] I know that. Some day you'll, somebody go out in a fight and you'll get that.
[speaker001:] Some day.
[Stephen:] Are you there?
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] [door opening]
[speaker001:] What?
[Paul:] After you've finished painting.... I don't know where his purple tie is.
[speaker001:] You never, did you?
[Stephen:] Yeah. It's where he started..
[speaker001:] Oh well.
[Paul:] You don't have a purple tie in there Iain?
[speaker001:] Oh no!
[Stephen:] Or is it?
[speaker001:] Ah!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Don't hang it on the back of his door!
[Stephen:] Just a little bit in the corner. Those. No, but they look good. No, don't worry about it. Yeah, I'll get it collected. They're funny looking aren't they, though? I got a picture of one if you want it Jonny. What? I got a picture of one if you want it.
[Paul:] That's... the one.
[Stephen:] It's not on the back of his door? Sorry? It's not on the back of his door Jonny? No.
[Paul:] Perhaps he'll wear it. But he probably has got it.
[Stephen:] It's like goldy bits.
[Paul:] That's the only tie I've got, I think of his.
[Stephen:] Aye. Tha, that one'll do quite nicely.
[Paul:] Will it? Right.
[Stephen:] Thanks a lot. I'll just try it on... just for a se, for a second if you don't mind.
[Paul:] No, course not. No. But Jonny. But they're tomorrow night.
[speaker001:] What do you want in here?
[Paul:] We're looking for a tie. We've found it.
[speaker001:] You've found it?
[Stephen:] Aye, I'm trying to put it back on this rail.
[speaker001:] Aye.
[Stephen:] Ah!
[speaker001:] What am I here for? Remind me if I can help you.
[Paul:] You could look in the drawers now.
[speaker001:] Oh I've done that.
[Paul:] .
[speaker001:] Just take it downstairs.
[Stephen:] Got enough clothes ain't he?
[Paul:] That's it.
[speaker001:] Take them downstairs.
[Stephen:] A bit posh.
[speaker001:] Er, oh yes! Definitely posh!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Have them.
[Stephen:] That's right.
[speaker001:] Mind if I just use your room?
[Paul:] You don't want a leather tie? Which is the narrowest.
[Stephen:] No. Right.
[Paul:] [LAUGHTER]... I wonder whether he ever wore that?
[Stephen:] What?
[Paul:] I said, I wonder if he ever wore it?
[Stephen:] That's when we were into er... leather and cardigans and pink jumpers and stuff. Really cool, eh?
[Paul:] Can't be cool.
[Stephen:] What?
[Paul:] You can't get.
[Stephen:] I know.
[Paul:] Is Clare going?
[Stephen:] No. Ah, that's a cracker!
[Paul:] That does you alright then.
[Stephen:] Definitely.... taken off.
[Paul:] Are you gonna keep it?
[Stephen:] Oh definite!
[Paul:] Probably won't loosen the tie again.
[Stephen:] Where's dad?
[Paul:] I think he's outside.... Are you?
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Do you think he'll tell me he's... he's worried about how they look?
[speaker001:] A spare time job?
[Stephen:] ... Thought it was pretty good like. I'm sure, it's illegal.
[speaker001:] Sure it is. Well
[Stephen:] I co, quite sure it's illegal.
[speaker001:] It's a, it's a sort of thing they could do.
[Stephen:] And it, and I
[speaker001:] And I think he meant to do it.
[Stephen:] I have. When I had to do that trip on my own.
[speaker001:] Even if it was your... they're saying it belonged to yourself.
[Stephen:] I know.... But I told you didn't I?
[speaker001:] Did I swear once?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Have you not noticed that my life has changed?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] And you'll be able to swear.
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker001:] You know, you'll have to sort of be on your best behaviour!
[Stephen:] I don't, I... keep on forgetting about it and... like I'm just talking... normal like. Because, they want... they just, just want people talking normal like.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] It'll be interesting though. It'll be, it's not the one
[speaker001:] Have you found out why they wa, they want them? Or
[Stephen:] Well
[speaker001:] just tell you why?
[Stephen:] Yes. For a... Longmans English Spoken Language Dictionary, Dictionary.
[speaker001:] Who said that?
[Stephen:] Ha? I've got all the leaflets over the house if you wanna, if you wanna see them.
[speaker001:] Aye. Bring it over some time. Yeah, ask them yo, you ought to bring one over.
[Stephen:] Oh I see ja, what did you think it was for?
[speaker001:] Who's actually doing it?
[Stephen:] It's erm, some... research company in Northern Ireland.
[speaker001:] Richard said it was Boots.
[Stephen:] Boots?
[speaker001:] Or Marks and Sparks or something like that.
[Stephen:] Aye, I'm getting a, I'm a getting a token from Marks and Sparks because
[speaker001:] Oh no, no, no, no, no! He actually thinks it's Marks and Sparks that are doing it.
[Stephen:] Oh no!
[speaker001:] I thought it was a marketing ploy.
[Stephen:] No, it's erm... the woman who's doing it ha also... does a lot of research for Marks and Spencers you see... so See, you didn't explain it to him very well. No I didn't. Well I was, I was a bit
[speaker001:] Or he wasn't listening very hard.
[Stephen:] I was a bit confused at the start too, but then once you read
[speaker001:] Ah! But now you ca
[Stephen:] once I read all the leaflets
[speaker001:] now you're crystal clear?
[Stephen:] Aye, I'm crystal clear.
[speaker001:] Right. So it's for a marketing company who are... are helping. I thought it was actually for a marketing company... who are studying the language of young people to use in commercials.
[Stephen:] Well no, it wasn't young people. It's... supposed to be anything like... there's two
[speaker001:] Sorry!
[Stephen:] there's four people in Northern Ireland... doing it. And er, and there's two young people and two... older
[speaker001:] Two
[Stephen:] people.
[speaker001:] oh really old people on it then?
[Stephen:] Yeah, old people.
[speaker001:] Forty three year olds or thereabouts?
[Stephen:] Yeah. Yeah. And they get
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] So there you go.
[speaker001:] Oh yeah. Good man! You see, again Ricky told me that you were doing, doing this sort of thing.
[Stephen:] Oh well,.... forty sides of forty five minutes... then it's ready.
[speaker001:] She's just keep wondering why's he away to the loo again!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] That's it!
[speaker001:] What's he smoking?
[Stephen:] That's wha that's what it'll be. Well I'll have to tell... I'll tell them that you're head then... young teachers and just go out and join a class of tutors.
[speaker001:] Why? Have you talked to the actual class? They gotta do it with one hand in their pocket.
[Stephen:] No, cos I'll be sitting... like you said, so then they'll be just like everyone going, what the hell are you doing? And I'll be. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Once one person try and do it, like that's it... in school like. It's totally ruined like that.
[speaker001:] Well people will forget anyway.
[Stephen:] Aye. But they wouldn't forget for like, the first day and then...
[speaker001:] Och! They don't People wouldn't run around sort of... being suspicious of you all the time. No!
[Stephen:] But like... di, people will be finding out at different do you see what I mean? Cos they
[speaker001:] Oh aye. [mimicking] Hey! Have you just heard []?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]...... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Yeah, that sort of thing. They do their worst. You get those people
[speaker001:] [mimicking] Where is it []?
[Stephen:] [phonecall starts] Why?
[speaker003:] Because I know won't.
[Stephen:] Rubbish!... [singing] Da da, da da da []. What time are you going up?
[speaker003:] Well we're supposed to be going at seven... and... and I'm kinda rushing about.
[Stephen:] Oh is every body there?
[speaker003:] Ah?
[Stephen:] Are they all there?
[speaker003:] No, just me and Mandy.
[Stephen:] Oh right.
[speaker003:] See... they said they weren't going down until half past
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[speaker003:] and... kinda wanted to go down... early.
[Stephen:] Early. Get in.
[speaker003:] But er....
[Stephen:] Alright.
[speaker003:] Okay?
[Stephen:] Aye. Well I'm going... I've got twenty five quid which I wasn't expecting to get. I'm gonna need it this week and... or next Saturday cos I'm in in the morning, and I'm getting... I think I'm gonna get... boots as well.
[speaker003:] Boots?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker003:] What type?
[Stephen:] Erm... like... biker boots.
[speaker003:] Mm mm!
[Stephen:] What do you mean? Mm mm!
[speaker003:] Nothing. Have you
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker003:] thought where you're going if you're only gonna have drink?
[Stephen:] What do you mean? Mm mm!
[speaker003:] Nothing! Do you want me to run with you?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Are you sure?
[Stephen:] [yawn] Aha []. What do you mean? Mm mm!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Nothing
[Stephen:] like.
[speaker003:] No.
[Stephen:] Why?
[speaker003:] Mm.
[Stephen:] You don't like them?
[speaker003:] I do like them! Course I like them.
[Stephen:] Right.
[speaker003:] Mm mm mhm, ah ha! Christ! I better go.
[Stephen:] No.
[speaker003:] Yes.
[Stephen:] Right.
[speaker003:] Okay?
[Stephen:] And I'll speak to you tomorrow.
[speaker003:] Okey dokey.
[Stephen:] Okay?
[speaker003:] Are you going out tonight?
[Stephen:] Yeah, I'm going to... a wedding thing so
[speaker003:] Behave yourself.
[Stephen:] Tut!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Pardon?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] You heard! And don't think about putting the phone there.
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker003:] Don't think about putting the phone down will you?
[Stephen:] You're lucky I didn't!
[speaker003:] Am I? Okay?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker003:] Right.
[Stephen:] I'll ring you around er, two something.
[speaker003:] About what?
[Stephen:] Oh that's a secret.
[speaker003:] Look, tell me now!
[Stephen:] No, I have to go.
[speaker003:] [shouting] No []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Yes!
[speaker003:] Tell me!
[Stephen:] No.
[speaker003:] Just tell me what it's about [phonecall ends]. [phonecall starts] From your mum and dad or... from work?
[Stephen:] No, from somewhere else.
[speaker003:] Who?
[Stephen:] Another source.
[speaker003:] Who?
[Stephen:] No, I have to go.
[speaker003:] Tell me who! Your granddad.
[Stephen:] No.
[speaker003:] Who.
[Stephen:] Look! I just have to go. Okay.
[speaker003:] Fine!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Cheerio!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Right, see you [].
[speaker003:] Bye!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Bye [] [phonecall ends].
[speaker004:] Alright... Stephen? Good God!
[Stephen:] Alright. How are you?
[speaker004:] Alright.
[Stephen:] Good. [music in car]
[speaker004:] What's that for? Oh! It's in my pocket.
[Stephen:] What? Yeah. You look alright. Are you?
[speaker004:] What you got on here?
[Stephen:] Oh we... it was er, do you know where Karen lives?
[speaker004:] Have you been to Karen's house before?
[Stephen:] Colin and his dad are in the same flipping outfit! Go to the same place!
[speaker004:] That's nice of you.
[Stephen:] I should come out and ask if he's
[speaker001:] See, there can't be that much difference.
[Stephen:] Hey!
[speaker001:] .
[Stephen:] I'll have it.
[speaker001:] Can I have one of those?
[Stephen:] You know I really like you!
[speaker001:] That's right boy! You keep er, the way he se keeps talking about him like you used to
[Stephen:] Have you never seen him?
[speaker001:] he's er, no.
[Stephen:] Shame!
[speaker004:] Gonna leave that on tonight?
[Stephen:] No, I'll jus, I'll stop it there.
[speaker004:] Some of you drink tonight, I've gotta drive.
[Stephen:] Yeah, I'll drink.
[speaker001:] Aha.
[Stephen:] There's the road here.
[speaker004:] Is it here?
[Stephen:] Aha.
[speaker004:] Will you drink tonight then? [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] You're drinking anyway. And you're driving and you're fucked! Can't fucking drive! Drinking.
[speaker004:] No, I'll have one, er one pint.
[Stephen:] Just that pint.
[speaker004:] No I can't stand to watch it. I'm trying not to really drink.
[Stephen:] Chi chi chi, chi chi, chi chi chi chi chi chi chi chi chi.
[speaker004:] Try not to make a comparison.
[Stephen:] That's her. Aye.... She's very dumpy.
[speaker004:] Well don't you say that!
[speaker001:] ?
[Stephen:] Yeah. Well maybe we could learn to play with you.
[speaker001:] You'll have to..., I mean have a.
[Stephen:] Is Mark going out as yet?
[speaker004:] I thought that was her.
[Stephen:] ... Very happy... is that what you meant?
[speaker004:] I meant.... Anyway, I'm happy.
[Stephen:] Oh dear! Oh dear a copper!... Oh, catch them. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Oh!
[speaker004:] I dare you man!
[Stephen:] Alright, I'm a... police cars, we haven't got our seat belts on they're advertising so much.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... Well you do need to if you have them in them in the back now.
[Stephen:] So!... for there.... You know bridge? I was walking across... from... suddenly being squashed under one... and I had four guys in the car and they were all giving me defence. One of them had to stick up for me. Driver got a hundred quid and... Some of this!. No I was a, it was when I was going to work, in was in the afternoon like.
[speaker004:] What's that? It's alright. I'll be careful.
[speaker001:] You'll end up like that!
[speaker004:] Speaking to you!
[Stephen:] What? I haven't got any money, like.
[speaker004:] What the fuck!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] You'll be fucking, I'm sure you would []!
[speaker004:] Erm... This one for the bikes. Yes?
[Stephen:] That one there.... On her bike.
[speaker004:] What?...
[Stephen:] What? Isn't, isn't that the one back there before the bridge on the other side?
[speaker004:] Where?
[Stephen:] Next, you know they race to the top of there like well I reckon it's the one just past it.
[speaker004:] Are you sure?
[Stephen:] Got the wrong fucking side then have we? I think, I thought it was. Cos... is it, is it down this way? What? Oh aye, I told him not to. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]... Colin, did you get boots?
[speaker004:] Ah?
[Stephen:] Did you get boots?
[speaker004:] No.
[Stephen:] I'm gonna be able to get mine Saturday.
[speaker004:] I thought that man.
[speaker001:] They live next door to me.
[speaker004:] Is that true?
[speaker010:] Yeah. Aha. Moira and Mary Anne. They live next door to me. Janice and, I don't know where she lives. I couldn't smile and she didn't know.
[speaker004:] That's what Adrian said this morning. Sorry!
[speaker010:] Right. Listen! I've got directions to this place.
[speaker004:] Aye, I know where it is come on up here.
[speaker010:] No, we're there.
[speaker004:] Alright here.
[speaker010:] Stephen knows the man. He phoned the so he did.
[speaker008:] Oh Christ! I had no seat belt on here.
[Stephen:] There isn't one
[speaker010:] There isn't one
[Stephen:] anyway.
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] Oh! Right I know []. But which end?
[speaker004:] Are you coming in? A little.
[speaker010:] See erm
[speaker008:] Did you see them?
[speaker010:] er Margot she's not going did you know?
[Stephen:] Aye. I saw her in the, disappointing, you know.
[speaker004:] Yeah! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Do you know would have happened, but you know would have happened, right, erm Bernard do you mind if I smoke?
[speaker004:] Aye.
[speaker010:] Do you really?
[speaker004:] Only if you use an ashtray.
[speaker010:] What? Oh!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Said if you use the ashtray, can you roll the
[speaker010:] Haven't got one.
[speaker004:] window down?
[speaker010:] Ought to be sat there. That's what, that's what I thought. Aha.
[speaker004:] There we are, I think I've got it.
[speaker010:] You'll be like, do you want one?
[speaker008:] No I've got one. I've got one.
[speaker010:] Bernard do you want a cigarette.
[speaker004:] Only after one I've had.
[speaker010:] Thank you.
[speaker008:] Well give me one of them now?
[speaker010:] Have you a wee
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] light?
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] That's better.
[Stephen:] Give me one of those.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] A what?
[speaker010:] Would you like one.
[Stephen:] Let me try one of those. Jackie's
[speaker010:] Do you want one?
[Stephen:] gonna be your mate.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Anyway.
[speaker010:] Erm, she said that, what happened was, Margot said to me erm... today she says er... oh I've got something to tell you! And I says what is it? And she said, you know er
[Stephen:] Three and a half thousand pound, I walked into the bank and took it out. I know.
[speaker010:] Something like that there. But, she turned round and she said erm, how do you roll the window down here Bernard? They electric windows? Right, oh! Up a wee bit Bernard love.
[Stephen:] Some more at the back.
[speaker004:] Ah! The motors are fucked! I've got
[Stephen:] like.
[speaker010:] Oh I've got it! Oh I've got it.
[speaker004:] Plenty of room Bernard. Fuck you! Where is that?
[speaker010:] I've got it.
[speaker004:] What one there? I suppose it's the back ones then.
[speaker010:] That's it. Och! It'll ruin the hair!
[speaker004:] Don't worry about it.
[speaker010:] It'll ruin the hair.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Oh what!
[speaker008:] I saw Robin, looks, looks very well look!
[speaker004:] No I can't.
[speaker008:] Here are.
[speaker004:] No matter which way they'll be sure to watch. Don't worry!
[speaker010:] Na ah ah ah!
[speaker004:] If they can, we can.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] We'll just have to tell everybody, she goes, right the way down and straight over the top
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] of them. Right over, bloody dancing around right.
[speaker008:] These look really nice.
[speaker004:] Oh when was that?
[speaker008:] Ah, you look lovely!
[Stephen:] I think it's go back just then.
[speaker010:] No, so erm... Margot, she said er, oh I've got something to tell you! And I said what's that then? But... this is what made me a, a wee bit suspicious, right because, we work in the office, and she said oh Karen! She said, you know erm, I can't get any money out from the bank. And I said, why's that then? She said that, ah, because they've put on minus three thousand pound wha, a loan that she had. And I said, oh was that right? I says that much, it's the only that I'm not really into going to... to discos and things, and she says and anyway
[Stephen:] Well that's what I'm on about, she's not gonna be at this one.
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker004:] Yeah, that's right. I don't care if a ba, it bounces.
[speaker010:] Well
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] it won't bounce.
[speaker004:] She got herself in big trouble!
[speaker010:] Well it won't bounce because she got that money saved th, she got that money for her loan.
[speaker008:] She had... but I forgot er, she forgot to give me erm, money from the money club. It's her money and she forgot.
[speaker010:] You may get it off from her.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] Keep hounding her. But erm
[Stephen:] But anyway
[speaker010:] but anyway
[speaker008:] She'll sell me something.
[speaker010:] She does not! Ooh!
[speaker008:] It's just a motorbike.
[speaker010:] But anyway
[Stephen:] But anyway
[speaker010:] Right!
[Stephen:] Have to get that in
[speaker010:] So
[Stephen:] anyway.
[speaker010:] Mhm. So this is, what got me a bit suspicious right, well I speaking to her and all and I said, well you know, this is it and, you know she said she knows George is, is meant to be coming up and I said look... and I says and I'm gonna go down onto the floor here, and just as I was... to go onto the floor there was a phone call right, and it was Alice. You took the call Stephen. And it was Alice, right, and as I was going out to the door, she said to Alice, Alice must have said to her, are we going tonight? And here was Margot... it's, it's been called off, or it's called off.
[speaker004:] To, to Alice?
[speaker010:] It was called off, there was the, she said it's been called off. And that's what she said. So, I don't know.
[speaker004:] So is she going somewhere else?
[speaker010:] I would say so. And, oh, unless George, er he was erm... he was coming up so I felt a plonker!
[speaker004:] He was there tonight? Aye.
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker004:] He was there tonight.
[speaker010:] Oh was he? Ah! Well then that's it then. That is it then.
[Stephen:] Look super don't they?
[speaker010:] Oh he's lovely! Look at that there!
[speaker004:] I bet you is wife's delighted he's having an affair!
[Stephen:] Ha!
[speaker010:] Bad!
[speaker004:] Is he married, seriously?
[speaker010:] Certainly is. You're looking
[Stephen:] He is.
[speaker010:] very well.
[speaker004:] She'll be wise enough.
[speaker010:] And wee Bernard's looking well too. And Andrea.
[speaker008:] Well thank you!
[speaker010:] You're all gorgeous so you are! I feel like a real slut!
[Stephen:] Yeah I know.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] I do []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] I'm not joking []!
[speaker010:] Ah, I don't wanna know. You know what
[speaker004:] Aye.
[speaker010:] our Colin
[speaker004:] Twenty past eleven.
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker004:] Twenty past eleven.
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Is she sure!
[speaker004:] Bernard! Keep both fucking hands on the wheel, right!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] That fucking hurt I've gotta say!
[speaker010:] Colin's Colin's nervous so he is.
[speaker004:] Bernard don't! What?
[speaker010:] Is that nice? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Bernard
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] for heaven's sake!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... You does, and he does. Well actually Bernard, [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Get me a fag in a minute.
[speaker010:] Now Bernard, if you really want to have a wee drink tonight love, I'll drive home.
[speaker004:] Aye, you'll be alright
[speaker010:] Like, you know! [LAUGHTER] It's no problem []!
[speaker004:] Thanks.
[speaker010:] I'll drive, sure I will.
[speaker004:] Never park.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... Then, I'm gonna get home alive this time. [music]
[speaker008:] Who's in tonight?
[Stephen:] Who's the black guy following Colin?
[speaker010:] What?
[Stephen:] Who's the black guy in front of, that's no mate of.
[speaker010:] Are you taking this?
[Stephen:] Aye. But I'll go down or something.
[speaker010:] Och! I think we have. Really.
[Stephen:] Well he's, he's no, he ge that's not a... full time job like, but I mean, it used to be one, but
[speaker004:] Well
[Stephen:] I think they have to use, you know, he's do, he's, he's in, he's in. Not very good. Can't be like.
[speaker004:] I don't know. Twelve fifty!
[Stephen:] See it's twelve fifty a go like!
[speaker010:] Och! It's.
[speaker008:] Twelve fifty?
[speaker004:] Ten minutes. Stephen?
[speaker010:] That is so dear that! Well I must admit Norman 's the best.
[speaker008:] I still don't think
[Stephen:] That's fair enough.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... Och! He is, he's really, really good!
[speaker008:] He's something like this, there my brother. If my brother
[speaker010:] He's brilliant, like! And if he can pass
[speaker008:] My brother has a.
[speaker010:] if he can get me through my test, he can get anybody through!
[speaker004:] Aye, he can. He's good!
[speaker010:] Och! He's really brilliant Bernard! Not like he's just, I'm in the. It's you that told me about him wasn't it?
[speaker004:] He doesn't like that.
[speaker010:] He does! And like, he's really, really good!... I thought I'd fail. He of, no you're okay, you're okay cos you'll get through and all. What?
[speaker008:] There's there. [loud music in disco]
[speaker010:] the people live there?
[speaker008:] Erm... nearly four years.... No! Just over three years. Three years in February. And just over four years in October.
[Stephen:] I can't believe it... the way they've got that house.
[speaker010:] How long have you known him for?
[Stephen:] A year. He's the only other guy who's.
[speaker010:] Do you think Margot?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker010:] Yeah.
[speaker008:] Well I don't know her really well, but I know her to speak now.
[Stephen:] Sitting with George.
[speaker010:] Och, she is, she's with... but did you remember Christmas?
[Stephen:] I think, I think you and Joanne were fucking about.
[speaker010:] Do you know we used to have a real laugh, because you ever remember the time that... erm
[speaker008:] You
[speaker010:] he had a mohican?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... And then
[Stephen:] Do you know about those things?
[speaker010:] Yeah! I knew him when he had a mohican. I knew [LAUGHTER] and []... I knew him when
[Stephen:] He was sort of saying [whispering] [].
[speaker010:] I know, like he's... I put his on like, he he used to really make me laugh, like some of the things he'd come out with, like
[speaker004:] He
[speaker010:] are so funny! Did you ever remember with him with his ha, with his hair extensions?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] He used to find them all round the place []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] He used to go out into my garden and say oh he's, oh he's tonight, it would be er, one of his hair extensions []! Oh but he's a good la, he's really quietened down and all now, now. Och! He was so funny!
[speaker004:] You got a ma, er, a kid now.
[speaker010:] I don't think
[speaker004:] So, he got married
[speaker010:] We got... packed all round us. Eh! See the girl he got married to now, she's really lovely! She's, she is. I haven't seen him for e... he was coming to the shop now and again, so he was. That
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] .
[speaker004:] Yeah he
[speaker001:] ?
[speaker004:] What?
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker008:] Some people.
[speaker010:] Who?
[speaker008:] What happened?
[speaker010:] Oh he had a, he had a very good use
[speaker004:] Ended up.
[speaker010:] she's good at that.
[speaker004:] That guy come into the house. Into the shop.
[speaker010:] I don't, he comes in, not all the time now, but he would come in now and again.
[speaker004:] And really funny, eh?
[speaker010:] Not, I got on, got on really well with him.
[Stephen:] Well he said.
[speaker010:] But he's always, he's always making really funny comments and you see, when he's drunk he is well funny, like he is now. I remember, you know er Michelle that works up in the Body Shop? You know that thing about her father
[speaker004:] ?
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Well aye, I know Bernard []! Do you know the thing about her father like, er... ta er of all the stolen meat in his shop, did you ever hear about that? Right, would you,me, well obviously you remember that then, he had stolen meat, right, in his shop, well Michelle was round my patio right, one summer, it must be about maybe three years ago. We were sitting on our patio having a drink one Sunday... and who
[speaker004:] That's where, all the meat's gonna be.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... Right. And we were sitting having a wee drink you know like.
[speaker004:] , yeah well.
[speaker010:] Was there?
[speaker004:] Yes. Ticked off the intruders.
[speaker010:] What happened?
[speaker004:] Alright John?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Fucking doing his []!
[speaker004:] Something that Sandra told me.
[Stephen:] Ah! Ah!
[speaker010:] So, er, we were having a drink, you know, and er... this is after her father got done for er stealing... you know, for hauling stolen meat, and we were sitting and all and Christopher was, and Michelle said, oh, and you know the way she gets on Bernard, like, oh you're gonna have to come round to my house and we'll have a really lovely barbecue and all, and there was steaks. And here's Chrissie... fucking he says, aye he says, and he says where are you fucking getting the meat from, from the back of a lorry! [LAUGHTER] Right! Are you sure! She bursting into tears and ran off home []!
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Where you getting the meat, from the back of lorry []! Fuck she was right, but that was Christopher like, you know, like he is just, ah he's just so funny!
[speaker004:] And then there's that
[speaker010:] Some of the things he says! I know like he is, but she's, but that's
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] but look
[Stephen:] Er sh at least she was amused.
[speaker010:] but you you know
[speaker004:] He said something about it.
[speaker010:] you know what er [LAUGHTER] you know [], you know, you know er, Michelle tonight Bernard? Fucking dick! Here, do you know what she's doing for... the Body Shop now? She's a... merchandiser for Northern Ireland.
[speaker004:] Och! You're.
[speaker010:] I swear to God! Cos a I I've got the contracts right in the Body Shop, we got Karen she used to work in Superdrug, and she came in there the other day and I'm saying, och, do you know Michelle? She said, och I do she said. I says, what was she doing down in the shop the other day? He says oh Karen she's er... merchandising now for Northern Ireland. She's thick!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Thick! Och! Oh I love
[speaker001:] You go
[speaker010:] her really! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [whispering] []!
[speaker010:] That's right.... Do you remember that day, Bernard, she come in the shop and [LAUGHTER] he he here he is with a wee Pot Noodle and, and it's going all over the floor []! She says, hi Bernard!
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] You didn't go out with her Bernard? Fuck off! No. She is the one... with the.... Alright, thousands of.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Just concentrate!
[speaker008:] I think it's an ashtray you know.
[speaker010:] Oh, will park here. Sorry Bernard!
[speaker008:] Ooh ooh! [loud music from disco]
[speaker010:] Stupid dick... of the first degree!
[speaker004:] Where is Margot going on holiday th th this year? she isn't having one.
[speaker010:] No I don't think, I don't so.
[speaker008:] Go down.
[speaker010:] Margot makes
[speaker004:] That's in one of them photos, we're at that bar.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I didn't know you were coming down.
[speaker010:] We wasn't er going anywhere else Bernard except for that, that and the supermarket
[speaker004:] I don't think you go on holiday.
[speaker010:] and a stray [LAUGHTER] alsatian dog []!
[speaker004:] True!
[speaker010:] That's what the photographs consisted of!
[speaker004:] The supermarket.
[speaker010:] I've got some supermarket, and er, a bar, and this alsatian dog that Margot wanted to... er take it through customs to look after it.
[speaker008:] ... there.
[speaker004:] She won't even bought a rabbit! That's where she was pulled there one night.
[speaker008:] Aye.
[speaker010:] Aye, that young feller.
[Stephen:] Says, that'll be the day erm... I says that... really well and she says... actually Bernard, she says I remember.
[speaker010:] Oh no! [LAUGHTER] Did you get that too []! I got it coming back from the church as well!
[speaker004:] Like a confessional in her.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... the finer points!
[speaker004:] Have you heard of this?
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] It's like
[speaker010:] In her hair. And her
[speaker004:] She puts conditioner in her hair and her wet
[speaker010:] Finer points.
[speaker004:] she was twenty five minutes late, that's what it was, she said
[speaker010:] Oh yeah.
[speaker004:] och, do you know I was five minutes late, but that was different I was twenty five minutes late, I I didn't even ask her why, cos I knew we'd in the door like as I'm walking through it.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] She obviously thi thinks she can tell you the story, you know, and she says er... I put on conditioner on my hair, and Sarah
[speaker010:] That's right.
[speaker004:] went up, fucking cos she said! So we had go through... my own and my wedding dress down to her dress, she put on her wedding dress
[speaker010:] That's right. And down.
[speaker004:] And the chauffeur drove me down in the car and sat beside the car waiting on me. You know what she'd hate to see now them fucking neighbours out there!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I had to sit there because
[speaker010:] Ah, see she told me
[speaker004:] I sat actually sitting talking and drinking and the er... in the house, that's where her wedding dress was and the chauffeur sitting beside and I think he went away laughing.
[speaker010:] That's right. That's right.
[speaker004:] Aye. Yeah.
[speaker010:] Ah. I heard that.
[speaker004:] And her uncle with me beside you and whole wedding and the minister was saying, sit down and don't he he brought her up the aisle, I don't know whether her father's coming back or something, and he says no I'm not sitting like, he says no I'm not moving back and he stood there for the whole wedding like, back.
[speaker010:] Like they... I got it as well.
[speaker004:] was fucking every night but I don't think she wants to. Oh I he that
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Did you break it off then? I think it is, probably that. So did I. Did you not hear that one Stephen?
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] No what did she say?
[speaker004:] Right, she was in the swimming suit right, and she diving off the board... or off the side or something.
[Stephen:] Not falling off
[speaker004:] Anyway th one of the legs dropped between the
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] bars and she was drowning, so she had to break her two legs!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Ah fuck!
[speaker004:] Stuck down behind the bars and
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] she couldn't get out and nobody could And she was drowning she had to break her leg!
[speaker010:] She was drowning so she had to
[Stephen:] Ah!
[speaker010:] break her legs to get out of them!
[speaker004:] She had to break both her legs.
[Stephen:] Gees, those bars at the edge of there you can't bloody ge get your fingers through never mind your
[speaker010:] Honestly
[Stephen:] your legs trapped!
[speaker010:] I pissed myself when heard that!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] ... Ah!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Ah fuck []!
[speaker010:] Honestly!
[Stephen:] What's she like?
[speaker010:] But she's not a bad person like, she's
[speaker004:] She's a cunt!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Well I dunno, but like she's not really.
[speaker004:] I reckon she's a cunt!
[speaker010:] but she's co, you know, she's not a bad person, but she just tells such really
[speaker004:] Waltered.
[speaker010:] A Walter maybe, you know like?
[speaker004:] But she's what's happened you know.
[speaker010:] You know like,i it's just sort tha, I know that, but I know that story tonight... was a fib... you know
[Stephen:] Of course.
[speaker010:] about er, the erm one you know like, because you i, it just wouldn't happen! You know like she's... she just wanted to be the daughter like. You know if yo...
[speaker004:] Ah that was the one... there was two painters or something
[speaker010:] Och! Remember that day?
[speaker004:] and
[speaker010:] Oh please Bernard! Oh God!
[speaker004:] Slide down the ladders and all.
[speaker010:] And she had to go out, but no Bernard now you forgot this bit here, she was, er house, the decorators were painting her house [LAUGHTER] at three o'clock in the morning []!
[speaker004:] Aye,tha that's what it was.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] That's what it was.
[speaker010:] They were painting her house at three o'clock in the morning right, and Margot
[speaker008:] Who?
[speaker010:] bu, well listen now, this is how the story
[speaker004:] I'm sure she.
[speaker010:] goes right. And er, Margot was behind the and they were painting her house and somebody fell and she had to go and give them artificial respiration or something didn't she?
[speaker004:] Ah.
[speaker010:] Three o'clock in the morning! Oh God! And it's our, and it's his fault for like
[speaker004:] I think she got expelled from if I can remember. And then
[speaker010:] I would say so.
[speaker004:] if that would be she won't
[speaker010:] Do you know
[speaker004:] admit it.
[speaker010:] Do you know whe we, we were talking about qualifications, right?
[Stephen:] That's right, and was she in th the army?
[speaker010:] She was in the Metropolitan Police and the army!
[Stephen:] That's where I remember her from! She done us for skating up the fucking
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Hill!
[speaker010:] Ach! No.
[Stephen:] Swear to God! Definitely! I knew whenever I saw her, first time I was in the shop... that I recognized her from somewhere.
[speaker008:] Ach! No well
[speaker010:] And another... I'll tell you
[Stephen:] She was with somebody. She was with, you know... you know that fucking cunt of a policeman! He always in that... the wee hut half way up... he
[speaker004:] Aye.
[Stephen:] erm
[speaker004:] ? Who was that? She wasn't in our police though.
[speaker010:] She was in the Metropolitan Police, and then she was in the army o, I think she was in the army over here as well then.
[speaker004:] Jesus man! She wasn't in the police over here.
[speaker010:] Mm.
[Stephen:] Oh fuck! She lives in ja
[speaker008:] What? [music]
[speaker010:] Some of the stories they're just so funny!
[Stephen:] What is, what is wrong with her, like? I mean
[speaker010:] Er, she's a Walter Mitty!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] But tha that is just it, you know.
[speaker004:] every time. I reckon that it's just. I fucking had the hump if I just
[speaker010:] I know
[speaker008:] fucking said that!
[speaker010:] Karen goes after it, yeah.
[speaker004:] And tomorrow night and she just said, fucking said I know.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Yes, I know.
[speaker010:] Me and Bernard, if me and Bernard want to go, she di now... was she, foot like that they're under the table, when you see his feet, his!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] And then he has to get up and go! So I'm kicking him under the table []! But the, er Bernard you must admit the best one of all was the, the full works of the Encyclo Brittannia falling on her head! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] But what about the one... all daughters... oh what was it?
[speaker010:] What one?
[speaker004:] Erm... about the fucking boxer and Whitney
[speaker010:] Oh Whitney Houston!
[speaker004:] !
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Oh that is the best []! That's the phone call to that there Whitney Houston
[speaker004:] Ah that's it.
[speaker010:] .
[speaker004:] She says
[speaker010:] Do you know what I was doing to you today? Right, do you remember when I was saying to you right, and you said to me, what is it you want? What is it you want? Well I was trying to draw your attention, right she had pieces of pink paper... right... that was mi, and on the desk, on our side... and on it it had a fe, erm... it was she'd... she had received some er... goods or something like that there, it was on a piece of pink paper and the signature on it was Houston! [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] I swear to God! And I started waving to you
[speaker004:] Where was this?
[speaker010:] Well we were on the shop floor right, and I turned round, I said, do you remember I kept saying to you, Colin! Colin! And I said, and you were saying to me, what is it that you want? What is it that you want? And here's me, fuck I wish you'd keep your fucking trap shut [LAUGHTER] so I can tell him what it is []! And that's what I was gonna say to you, like.
[speaker004:] Wha why is the?
[speaker010:] Whitney Houston ha, you remember like Whitney?
[speaker004:] No, see you call her we call her Houston so we do.
[speaker010:] I said she calls herself Margarite.
[speaker004:] But we Hers is Her three uncles were professional boxers
[speaker010:] Boxers.
[speaker004:] So, and and was the And goes what do you call them, fucking Whitney Houston!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] So you see he used to be a boxer years ago, in the fifties wasn't it?
[speaker004:] Whitney.
[speaker010:] Whitney right, and he was a wee small boxer and he used to hits them and going like that then!
[speaker004:] Well
[speaker010:] Do you know, and he was a wee wee tiny wee er boxer... and, I was sitting up... erm on lunchtime with her one time
[speaker004:] Will somebody. Down the airport. Where? Near the airport will be fine. Where the, down here?
[speaker010:] And we, I was sitting up having my break with her one day, right, and your man erm... er... Frank Bruno and the other feller, that big Mike Tyson were fighting right, and we were sitting watching it right, and... erm, Paul was sitting there and all and... Margot turned round and says you know, she said it's desperate Karen! I says, what's wrong? And she says well... you see if Frank Bruno wasn't sort of and stuff like he'd be a better boxer. Not exactly that, but I says... do you know very much about boxing? Do I know a lot about boxing she said? Sarky bitch! She says my uncles were professional boxers right! And I was... holding myself back,tha tha, Paul was looking and trying to make me laugh! And then we went down on the floor and he went over to Bernard and he says, och! Have you told Bernard the story [LAUGHTER] and he turned round and he said, who the fuck was it that you told her brother I've seen Jason! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Aye. He's the best ever
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... Oh, but she was telling me that down in Belfast everybody took, they used to say to her, fuck off Margot! [LAUGHTER] Stop fucking telling lies!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Do you remember Bernard, he said that []?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Nobody believed her like! Oh God! It was just, och it's so funny! Some of the things she comes out with I could tell you. And what about, do you remember the day, Bernard, she was coming to work? I think she'll tell you them, did he tell you?
[speaker004:] Ah?
[speaker010:] She was co, she told
[speaker004:] Oh yeah.
[speaker010:] she co told me she was coming to work one day, right, and you know the way she has to go past York Street Police Station? Well, the next thing right, the bus was flagged down right, [LAUGHTER] as he was going past York Street Police Station [], and, a policeman come out and says, hey you mu, he stopped the bus man, the police waved the bus down, like, me and Margot were sitting on the bus [LAUGHTER] going to work like [], and they went in the bus and said is Margot Mar Margot on the bus? And here's Margot, yes I'm here! Like that right, and she walked down the bus and this, the policeman said to the bus driver, oh you'll have to hang on a wee minute because I have to speak to this woman here. So Margot got off the bus and the policeman says, now you have to really vigilant today Margot there's a lot of bombs in Lisburn [LAUGHTER] Right []! And Margot went... thanks very much, [LAUGHTER] and got back on the bus. And the policeman waved the bus on again []! Oh, and bu by the way Margot was about half an hour late for work that morning and that was the story that we got. She said, a bus was flagged down by about seven, six policeman... she claimed. That is not the worst! It's not the worst. That is what she said.
[speaker004:] But how much of it. I haven't heard her say that like. It'll be the first time somebody fucking kick in the head!
[speaker010:] Ah honestly! Heard it... what about the best, when he husband stood on her feet and pulled her hair out of it! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Forgot about that.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... I don't even know that, I could just see him. But she must be a very insecure person.
[Stephen:] [shouting] Where you going! Go back []!
[speaker004:] !
[Stephen:] Oh! [shouting] Where you going []!
[speaker004:] I'll go up here like.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] That's the army bit.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Fuckers just used it as well same as us []!
[Stephen:] I thought you were going through the fucking the bollard! I thought what th, I thought what the fuck is he doing!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Fucking gonna get shot to tell you
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] too good for I R A! [car radio] But anyway erm... she told me she's staying with her mum and hyped up and, is that tape going?
[speaker010:] Well no, I didn't get that there now.
[Stephen:] Don't move! Right. She's typed up and then said she's hyped up because her sister works for the R S P C A, and she's
[speaker010:] That's right.
[Stephen:] no money... and she said she'd got, she'd got a loan from the bank to pay her mummy for her
[speaker010:] That's right.
[Stephen:] house, because she says
[speaker010:] Paying
[Stephen:] that was not.
[speaker010:] But... you know,, the best of it is like that erm... you know, that's why I don't think that Margot
[Stephen:] It's about three and half thousand pound ain't it?
[speaker010:] Yeah. But Margot, but Margot tells me that she's loaded. And she's a ring on her finger that's worth... what is it, Bernard, five grand or something?
[speaker004:] Oh aye.
[speaker010:] You know, so, I don't know. And then i, but the best of it was the other day... we
[speaker004:] She's living near.
[speaker010:] the, the best, well the best of it was she was saying to us that er... her uncle owns half of Gleneagles Hotel.
[speaker004:] Aye.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] But, aye do you remember that Bernard []?
[speaker004:] And her uncle... and I know, her uncle owns half of... his partners have their own golf courses and everything.
[speaker010:] I know, like play... like they were given. [radio playing]... Because I was joking... I'd said to her... erm... about er, you know my daddy right is er... you know,th right, you know mum and daddy lived in Edinburgh and I was saying that... my daddy was about the fees in erm... Gleneagles, my daddy's er, a member of Gleneagles
[speaker004:] Do I go right here towards this?
[Stephen:] Yes.
[speaker010:] and I said, you know, like it's really, really expensive, my daddy was... complaining about how much the fees are, like they're really expens, so Margot says... och! Well you should have said, she said, [LAUGHTER] because my uncle owns half of Gleneagles []!
[Stephen:] What's she fucking
[speaker010:] It's the old! Have you seen what Gleneagles is like? Fuck! It is, it is a trust!
[speaker004:] I think it's up there.
[Stephen:] Bernard, it's not up there!
[speaker004:] Bernard I think it's up that lane you just come down.
[speaker008:] It's up a wee lane so it is, you have to go.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Is that where you're going? It's up that
[speaker010:] I think it's up that lane.
[speaker004:] It's up that lane. Just turn right
[speaker010:] You know.
[speaker004:] at Templepatrick What? Where's your directions?
[speaker010:] Here. Right, and Templepatrick and then sign for Antrim... then R T on left.
[speaker004:] Is that down the road? No. Er
[speaker010:] Follow the signs for Templepatrick... and then the sign for Antrim.
[speaker004:] That's that back there. Templepatrick next, across the lights. Was it?
[speaker010:] I think it's on just here.
[speaker004:] Here's the sign anyway,Templepa watch the lorry! Where is it? Said some fucking bollocks!
[speaker010:] Aha.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] They said like nine o'clock.
[speaker010:] What time is Gill driving round?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Do you think that's wise?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] You can tell there's three guys []!
[speaker008:] Oh! I know!
[speaker010:] I bet you Gary'll come down looking like fucking Pete!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Hold on. Hold on. Bastard!
[speaker004:] Fucking that, what's happened to your arm? [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] There.
[speaker004:] Up that way.
[Stephen:] I think we should go back Bernard.
[speaker004:] Yeah?
[Stephen:] What's that?
[speaker004:] . We are, we're coming to a house. I know. It's not on, like. It is.
[speaker001:] And look where Bernard said there's an. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] You're not supposed to say there's no there... Excuse me, do you know where James and Petra's wedding reception is?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] I'm sure it is Bernard.
[speaker004:] Well that takes you to Antrim.
[speaker010:] Well it's not up the other way. road down there.
[speaker004:] It is the other way like.
[Stephen:] It's just that we went down there.
[speaker004:] Well this for people round here. Where are these people from?
[speaker010:] Ask that man there.
[speaker004:] Turn it down. See, you went, you went er fucking bananas again! Excuse me! Can you tell me where's the Nardy Hotel is?
[speaker001:] Aye, you've passed it.. Turn right there, just there that road
[speaker010:] Thank you.
[speaker001:] and er... straight ahead.
[speaker004:] Turn
[Stephen:] Right.
[speaker004:] right up there?
[speaker001:] Aye. Turn right, second
[speaker010:] See! I told you!
[speaker001:] Well if you want to go on down just right. Go right down to, er through the arch
[speaker004:] Through the arch.
[speaker001:] and that brings you up onto the main Belfast road
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] turn right... two
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] miles along that you come past the, right, on your right hand side there.
[speaker004:] So, I take my first right here.
[speaker001:] No!
[Stephen:] No. Er you go to the arch I know where the arch is.
[speaker004:] Ah! Dead on.
[speaker001:] If you go down Road there, I know they're getting confused, if you go just straight up below the arch... onto the main road to Belfast and Antrim, turn right up the top of the road a bit, and it's your first... er it's building on the Two mile up. three mile up on your right across the road.
[speaker004:] On the right. Cheers love!
[Stephen:] I know where it is.
[speaker001:] Right. Fine.
[Stephen:] Yeah! Thanks a lot.
[speaker004:] Thank you. Thank you! Bye!
[speaker010:] Now Bye! See, I told you it was that, you know it's
[speaker004:] He did not, he said Well he's just said, he said the wrong way
[speaker010:] Yeah but we could still go this way.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] I know where the arch is so keep going.
[speaker004:] Pull over in here? Where you going?
[Stephen:] No, I this morning.
[speaker010:] Move out the way. [music in car]
[speaker004:] You know where the arch is?
[Stephen:] Then, turn right at the arch road, it's up here. That leads you in the arch.
[speaker010:] Well we know where we're going now.
[speaker004:] [singing] Aye aye yeah []!
[speaker010:] Been that pub.
[Stephen:] But er, we haven't even have gone through the arch yet.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] The arch is right there.
[speaker010:] Gonna turn right?
[speaker004:] Yep. Then three miles down the road on your left.
[Stephen:] After the arch he said.
[speaker004:] Yeah, this is it, turn right here. Turn right here?
[Stephen:] No.
[speaker004:] No, under the arch.
[speaker010:] Right, here we go.... Have we gone too far then?
[speaker004:] No. Go right here.
[speaker010:] I know where we are! I know where we are!
[speaker008:] ?
[speaker010:] No, I know where it is now! Right. And it's up here and then it's... a wee turning on the er... on the left.
[speaker004:] On the right.
[speaker010:] O... left.
[speaker004:] Right! [LAUGHTER] The man said up on the right []! Two miles up the road on the right, you can't miss it.
[speaker010:] No.
[speaker004:] It's a big fucking room! A big house! A big building, hotel... he said. [LAUGHTER] fucking room, house, house hotel []!
[speaker010:] I remember that.
[speaker004:] It's up here. Motorbike, is it th
[speaker010:] No it's not this one.
[speaker004:] Very similar to a Linberg what do you call that... top of the old one... er top of the. Must be my he thought it was made up like.
[Stephen:] Ah.
[speaker004:] Yeah,we wes double western.
[speaker010:] Oh erm
[speaker008:] O one.
[speaker010:] O one. What's that for?
[speaker004:] Well you can't, to move o, and gone to the left an
[speaker008:] O one.
[speaker010:] O one ee
[speaker004:] Is that O one?
[speaker010:] That's O one.
[speaker008:] It's there.
[speaker004:] Aye. Simon's in his house.
[speaker008:] A way down and another
[speaker010:] Oh! Excuse me.
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker010:] That's not it Bernard.
[speaker008:] That's someone's house.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Fucking awful big house haven't they?
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] I nearly wasn't gonna come tonight when I re, found out I wasn't gonna... Gary wasn't coming to give us some like.
[speaker004:] He's nearly as bad as Margot.
[Stephen:] Bernard, she maybe hasn't has on it.
[speaker004:] Hey. Gary, always there.
[Stephen:] I know like.
[speaker004:] Said he'd be back in six weeks.
[Stephen:] I know, ah.
[speaker004:] Six weeks?
[Stephen:] But he's not sure, it depends on whether he gets the money or not like. He hasn't... got any money for it yet like, but then
[speaker004:] He'll probably swim over like! He has been going.
[Stephen:] Mm. No I thought he had like
[speaker010:] [yawning] Oh God []!
[Stephen:] with them and all, it must be so harping on and on about it like.
[speaker004:] Maybe it's just a big step.
[speaker010:] I'm just going to pull over here and then
[Stephen:] You know what er, killed me? All the people he goes to meet for dinner and tea.
[speaker008:] the sign.
[Stephen:] And last week when he brought in, he brought in pâté for his toast like. Smack! Fucking so sophisticated like!
[speaker008:] They're not bothered.
[speaker004:] Oh you're such a bitch!
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker004:] You're such a bitch!
[Stephen:] I'm not usually, but seeing people like that... Gary and Margot just fucking kill me! [music]
[speaker004:] Hang on a bit. Here you are.
[speaker010:] Here it is.
[speaker004:] It's it.
[speaker010:] That's erm.
[speaker004:] On the left.
[speaker010:] No.
[speaker004:] On the left! Do you know the way, your fucking left!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] What?... See how they're getting. Aye.
[speaker010:] But where is he? What will he say?
[Stephen:] [music in car]
[speaker004:] Probably getting fucked stupid right now!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] they do. You, you imagine what she'll do.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] What's wrong with you? What's This? Ah Coline, you have to get out and show your boot.
[speaker010:] Show your ring. Show your
[speaker008:] your worm, where is it?
[speaker010:] What? My what?
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] Your worm []!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Sorry []?
[speaker008:] Your worm.
[speaker010:] Show my worm, oh aye! Oh it's there
[speaker004:] Oh aye!
[speaker010:] somewhere. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] You never told me anything.
[speaker010:] It was lovely! It was.
[speaker008:] Mm. Did you keep it?
[speaker010:] What? Oh yes, aha.. [tape 259, loud music, unable to hear]
[speaker004:] Er, tomorrow, these are all gonna be
[speaker010:] Alright mate.
[speaker004:] changed and we... we used to make canoes
[speaker010:] A what? He, he was gonna have them skinned.
[speaker004:] What? Paddy
[speaker010:] Skinned.
[speaker004:] was these natives... and the chief native ge guy goes in... tomorrow, tomorrow morning we're gonna skin you... and use you to make canoes... but you have one last wish tonight. Paddy, the Irishman goes... well your native girls like and I'll take them round the back. So, he gets them up and he's... and er Me first. [LAUGHTER]... Well whatever you do [LAUGHTER] whatever they do to
[speaker010:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] native girls and then Paddy goes to like... what do yous have for... like alcohol over here? And the chief goes like... well I'll have a... and Paddy the Irish man goes... can I have a fork? And the guy gives him a fork, and he goes [LAUGHTER] does that mean my fucking []! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I've heard it before. [LAUGHTER]... I knew... part of it. It was a good. It was, aye. Well, well let him think your is going to work. Fucking, it's all there. All you got was the house, aye?... If you could sell we won't tell him. Yeah. Christine's mum. Yeah?
[speaker010:] Getting really bad er
[speaker008:] I didn't.
[speaker010:] Good for you! Give me some more.
[speaker004:] See the big fucking homes
[speaker010:] More.
[speaker004:] here! As long as you're round about there... all the whole house is central locked. That's fucking daft!
[speaker001:] That's what your like if you get up in the morning?
[speaker004:] No, it's alright. As long as I could... well I do know ho how to work it like before I go to bed and. What about, if it's just got a and a it? [music in car] Yeah, I thought it would be her.... Half a bottle of conditioner like, does it good.
[speaker010:] Her expensive, really expensive stuff she got on her hair.
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker010:] Erm...
[speaker004:] But do you?... Don't try to walk in Dublin!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] An extra large. It's just at the mall. It came this morning.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] In fact, they are... handy when I go to the out there.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... Oh well that's the place.
[speaker004:] Ah ho.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Sit in the back! Karen listening too. Do yous wanna hear this
[speaker008:] What is it
[speaker004:] or not?
[speaker008:] ?
[speaker004:] or not?
[speaker008:] What did you actually say?
[speaker004:] Turn that music off just so I'm going to tell you something. I was in, in Belfast on Thursday night and... you know Corn Market?
[speaker008:] Aha.
[speaker004:] You know the bandstand in Corn Market?
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Me and Neil were working through Corn Market and these two birds were standing in the bandstand... full blinding drunk! Couldn't even stand! And was sta, and these young fellers were all shouting..., screaming at them, ooh ah! Get your clothes off to these girls. And they didn't, this is at half seven, they're out shopping, everybody walks through, right. And when they started to shout these people out shopping, cos everybody stopped to see... what the fellers screaming about. The next thing was... one of... lift, right, her shirt right up, she had a black, like silk bra on... and pushes her tits together... and the next thing was waves her bra about!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] And shapes her tits. But everybo, everybody could see! Half seven, broad daylight... and all, everybody stopping! All the shops, cos like, cos they heard all the noise! [LAUGHTER] Everybody! It was unbelievable! And they were all, all these people were going... that's a bloody disgrace! But nobody
[speaker010:] Ah ah.
[speaker004:] was minding on, cos everybody... the next thing was, the next one takes her top and takes it off her shoulder
[speaker010:] Oh lovely!
[speaker004:] and get her bra strap down. And the next thing, why and she whips her boobs for everybody to see, and they're all, yeah! Yo! All these big fellers about shouting, you know they was having a ball! And everybody was... I'm not joking, there must have been a couple of hundred people that... either they're shopping or watching, you know if they could. Next thing the cop parade... and th they're [LAUGHTER] for the cop []... cops didn't do anything. They fell out of the band... fuck er, they were walking like this! It was fucking
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] hilarious! Starkers! Absolutely starkers! Just messing around. I just walk, without even seeing them like. An and they came to look after them.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Oh well, you're engaged to be married. And they won't even.
[speaker008:] Were they ugly?
[speaker004:] Ah! Gross!
[speaker008:] Really ugly?
[speaker004:] Yeah. You know that, like, police girl in something about last week?
[speaker008:] Ah! Oh!
[speaker004:] Lovely!
[speaker010:] Oh!
[speaker004:] She's gorgeous! That's what she like.
[speaker010:] Was she really nice though Bernard?
[speaker004:] Ah. What?
[speaker010:] Did you ever go out with her?
[speaker004:] Did I, what?
[speaker010:] Did you ever... have sex with her?
[speaker004:] Got to her bra, I think. Nothing like I've got with you Karen.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker010:] If you're.
[speaker004:] Oh brother! ... What was that, er Colin?
[speaker010:] Would you?
[speaker004:] I don't want to say that. Erm, hopefully the. ... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker004:] Looks like a fight. See if you'll fight him for... No you have to.
[speaker008:] No, don't want it to get it out of hand.
[speaker004:] You saying I gave you some? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] No I did not!
[speaker004:] David has just ejaculated on the back seat!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] I certainly have not! I wasn't
[speaker008:] Will you shut them up!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Bastard!
[speaker001:] Bernard, you have got
[speaker010:] Bernard, I thought you were gonna
[speaker001:] such a
[speaker010:] you were gonna look after me?
[speaker004:] I am. Erm... I love you! Erm
[speaker010:] Make him say it!
[speaker004:] Erm, what was I going to say now?
[speaker001:] I don't fucking know!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] You were interested in the same thing.
[speaker004:] Fucking hell!
[speaker010:] He, he loves me!
[speaker004:] What a wonderful woman!
[speaker010:] I know.
[speaker004:] You are all woman!
[speaker010:] I know, very you just love me so much!
[speaker004:] I could be arrested! in the back you know!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] David does nah
[speaker010:] Er I was
[speaker004:] David doesn't know where with the right sex you know! He just never
[speaker010:] No I wor
[speaker004:] does cos he always looking out the window.
[speaker010:] No because... no but I... Colin, let me say it.
[speaker004:] Well anyway
[speaker001:] Bernard, you've got such a country accent at times.
[speaker010:] It's Belfast.
[speaker001:] No it's not. Not bleeding Belfast!
[speaker004:] Shut your fucking book!
[speaker008:] Bernard, aren't you going to ask me?
[speaker004:] We are. And we're gonna throw you out and then see how much money we can get for you? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] What guy... were you telling me?
[speaker004:] Er, the bald one.
[speaker008:] Oh well
[speaker004:] Is this mine?
[speaker010:] That wasn't very nice!
[speaker004:] I was just keeping it for wee Jonathan.
[speaker008:] No you ha, no you
[speaker004:] It is.
[speaker008:] It's no!
[speaker004:] I'm keeping it for him, like.
[speaker008:] He didn't know.
[speaker004:] It's me!
[speaker010:] Liar!
[speaker004:] Karen....
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Yes he did. He said we could borrow it like.... Who's that? Oh ha, hang on! Hang on! Hang on! Look! There's a space.
[speaker010:] How kind!
[speaker004:] I won't get
[speaker010:] I'm gonna get
[speaker004:] in there.
[speaker010:] Oh.... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I like that car.
[speaker001:] I feel sick. Don't!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] What []?... [singing] All I have left []
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] I didn't say that! Couldn't talk, like that []!
[speaker004:] He's worse! No.... I would have said
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] if you were gonna sit. This Emmanuelle, have you been playing Emmanuelle
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] movies?
[speaker001:] Look! See! She has got a
[speaker010:] No I am not!
[speaker001:] movies.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Back. Back. Okay.
[speaker010:] My wee friend.
[speaker008:] oh my God!
[speaker004:] I'll drive to Bernard, do you go up my way first? About tha... tha What? Bernard. What do you say?
[speaker010:] Pretty wee house Bernard.
[speaker004:] What way, Bernard? What way do you think? [music in car]
[speaker010:] Bernard said the hotel.
[speaker004:] I know. Right now
[speaker010:] Bernard, you're stupid!
[speaker004:] Aye, I know.... And... I didn't tell you now to make, probably that.
[speaker010:] Oh Bernard, not my house in [LAUGHTER] as well!
[speaker004:] If you die I can keep the house all to myself can't I? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] No I... only if your half dead. [LAUGHTER] [].
[speaker004:] Tha... that's where we play tenpin.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Shush!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Alright.
[speaker010:] Are you ready Bernard?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] . Alright?
[speaker004:] Yeah. If you say we can do the right, alright?
[speaker010:] Ha ha. I would do it.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Yeah.
[speaker010:] I
[speaker004:] . I know.
[speaker010:] Tell me!
[speaker004:] No! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Tell me!
[speaker004:] Karen can't keep her hands out of your
[speaker001:] I swear to fuck!
[speaker004:] Karen!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Fucking hell! I'm in love with her.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I have to... I have to fucking sleep around!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Oh []! I get very jealous Bernard.
[speaker004:] I had a er....
[speaker010:] Are you faithful Bernard?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] You bloody better be!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker010:] I believe you Bernard.
[speaker004:] I hate those D J's and that, I'd rather die than put records on and get into their clothes! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] There are three paper, be careful!
[speaker004:] Alright, get in
[speaker010:] Are you?
[speaker004:] the front seat... just have a good look round here.
[speaker008:] I've got it.
[speaker004:] Is that a, er a new one? Look out for a big, for a big girl.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] I can hardly believe it!
[speaker001:] Do you reckon Margot will be there?
[speaker010:] What?
[speaker001:] Do you reckon Margot will be there?
[speaker010:] Definitely not.
[speaker004:] Yeah like... probably shocked everybody in the whole of West Belfast! An I R A suspect!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]... Down her doorstep going... [imitates gunfire] Nee hee hee hee hee hee hee!
[speaker004:] What happened then? Like her mother is back in.
[speaker010:] I know.
[speaker004:] Big fucker! Look where you're going!
[speaker010:] Road.
[speaker001:] Road.
[speaker010:] Road.
[speaker001:] Road.
[speaker004:] Go on, drive, up this road now. Road.... Have you got all money to go there tonight? .
[speaker010:] Ow!
[speaker001:] going to lose their job.
[speaker010:] I knew.
[speaker001:] Okay, I'll get you another.
[Stephen:] two, four What do you not like? six... six, eight, ten,
[speaker001:] Oh fuck. You dickhead I was gonna you [LAUGHTER] dickhead []... you dickhead. [LAUGHTER] [] Nor do I. You dickhead [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] get a drink.
[speaker001:] Aye well......
[Stephen:] my wish come true.... Pray for my wish to come true, I need eleven P, have you got eleven P?
[speaker001:] quid.
[Stephen:] No P. Have you got a quid in change?
[speaker001:] No.
[Stephen:] Pat have you got eleven P?
[speaker001:] I don't Stephen and if I did I definitely would lend it to you....
[Stephen:] Johnny old pal have you got eleven [LAUGHTER] P []?
[speaker007:] I lent Gavin my money.
[Stephen:] Oh well.... Mm?
[speaker001:] ...
[Stephen:] Sinead old pal have you got eleven P? No I haven't got anything.... [LAUGHTER] what do you call it? The Wizard of Oz.... Oh no that's Dorothy sorry. [LAUGHTER] No that's Dorothy, isn't it, the one that goes [singing] we were strolling along on moonlight bay, so you could hear the clouds singing you stole my heart moonlight bay. On moonlight baby... []... [whining] Oh God [] ye gods.
[speaker001:] Aye well you can get the safest...
[Stephen:] Is it?
[speaker001:] Aye.
[Stephen:] ...
[speaker001:] peanut butter and strawberry jam.
[speaker004:] Yes.
[Stephen:] Well it's Stephen's favourite
[speaker004:] Mm? Urgh.
[Stephen:] You can tell, you can tell most people tomorrow, just don't tell... be in.
[speaker004:] Who's your boss?...
[Stephen:] So it is. Wh what's doing now? [humming] The only people that know are you, him, and Claire. So let's keep it that way folks.
[speaker004:] Okay...
[Stephen:] [shouting] Danny... Danny don't forget that []... Oh for god's sake Danny
[speaker004:] What do you look like? Let's just tell you what you look like, you came to me for a job you wouldn't get it.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Well don't come in with the coat tomorrow please... or after Easter.
[speaker001:] Right. [lots of background noise, sounds like a classroom full of people]
[Stephen:] was very impressive. I can tell you definitely be pissed off today. Oh it was definitely a cracker, did you hear that one?
[speaker001:] What?
[Stephen:] Colin says to him
[speaker001:] Jesus! For sakes!... For fuck's sake...
[Stephen:] Why? Och don't talk balls. In where?... Well what can he say like? We, we didn't we didn't tell him to Don't say that wasn't funny.
[speaker001:] Did you go to er?
[Stephen:] Yeah....
[speaker001:] You are going?
[Stephen:] Yeah. Are you not?... Okay hang on. If you're not going I'm not going like. whenever I have my mind made up
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] I'm as stubborn, stubborn as a mule like. Did he do it yesterday? Did he do it yesterday as well? [humming] Oh, You know the only two songs I haven't heard that er... that I know exist of theirs are Prince and. They're on the one the one E P is it? Have you got it on tape? Yeah. Have you got it on tape? You coming tomorrow, no? Dee... Dee... Dee, Would you do me a favour?... Get a record I just rea I mean I knew that I had heard of it then I realized. I mean that just like. Oh Kevin's gonna kill me... you can't play it, you can't play it!...
[speaker001:] Why can you not play it?
[Stephen:] Shall I get off at your house? I'll only be sitting in the coffee shop till five past five anyway like so...
[speaker001:] Alright
[Stephen:] No they're gonna give me the record How long will it take you to walk into town, ten minutes, fifteen minutes? are you going to France tomorrow?
[speaker001:] No.
[Stephen:] Definitely? Well I'll have to check it out first.
[speaker001:] Why don't you just go in, sign on and then go out again?
[Stephen:] I know it sounds quite tempting. [LAUGHTER]... [belch] Oh excuse me.... Oh you're a fat bastard... oh you're a fat bastard... oh you're a fat bastard, oh you fat bastard [humming] It's just play playing it without using, without strumming the strings. [humming] Can you do it?... Can you do it? The left hand... have you got a minute? Which hand's left and which hand's right?
[speaker001:] That's right.
[Stephen:] That's right. It's right hand fretting sir. sorry. Thanks. Sorry right hand fretting, has to be with the three fingers.
[speaker001:] Yeah I know.
[Stephen:] Ah sorry.... [traffic noise]
[speaker001:] [walking]
[Stephen:] Well I'll go er Willis Avenue....
[speaker001:] straight up past the
[Stephen:] Fire station. [whistling] [humming] Do you like Flotsam and Jetsam
[speaker001:] What?
[Stephen:] Flotsam and Jetsam.
[speaker001:] Never heard of them....
[Stephen:] Dunno, sometimes it sounds a bit oper-ish opera-ish on it. But like I fits in quite well. your lawn looks quite it's quite... nice... suppose your gardener does it. [LAUGHTER]... Well he'll be pissed off all over it with football boots on.
[speaker001:] Yeah he will.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... No I'll be alright... here thanks....
[speaker001:] ... [belch] [belch] Burp... great....
[speaker010:] It's not really a burp is it? It's sort of more like a urgh urgh
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] [mimics retching]
[Stephen:] Is that the only two that I haven't heard... Oh you off school today?
[speaker001:] What?
[Stephen:] You off school today?
[speaker001:] Half term.
[Stephen:] Oh last day... last day Yeah, yeah.... What did he do to his head? Why?... looked really good. Where's the rest of them?
[speaker001:] Out back behind the wall somewhere. We get off, when do we get off school? We get off on Wednesday so we do. It's Thursday. Thursday,
[Stephen:] Oh well
[speaker001:] Shut up. Thursday.
[Stephen:] or did you, did you wait the bus and it went? Did you have a good day off school then?... [shouting] Yes he did []
[speaker001:] He just stayed around here and... slagged me off, no? Oh well it was quite easy to do.
[Stephen:] Oh
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] See next year, about this time next year,
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] around Easter time erm... would yous be able to take... some person just to come and sit in your shop for a week out of our school?
[speaker005:] Who?
[Stephen:] you see and they're asking for people who could ref who could, you know, give references to cos like... put all these, all, down on these different things that you want like... you know, say you want but then a lot of people just put down small business and management, something like that. You'll end up with some real wanker like.
[speaker005:] Ah no then, no. I don't mind if it's yous guys.
[Stephen:] Oh it wouldn't be me cos I'm, I'm doing it this year and I only thought of it too late
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] and I'd already put my other form in like to er I, and I was raging cos like I could've got and sat in here for a fucking week [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] Well you still can if [LAUGHTER] you want like [].
[Stephen:] No I have to go and, have to go to this...
[speaker005:] No some other people were saying about that, you know, ah that they, you know... that they were gonna put in for it but they wouldn't let them cos it was shop, you know, blah blah blah. But I mean... yes certainly if it was y if it was you coming down but I don't want
[Stephen:] It won't be me.
[speaker005:] plonker that I don't know.
[Stephen:] It wouldn't be me.
[speaker005:] No, no, that's alright You've not talked to me all day and then it's that sort of thing.
[Stephen:] Well I could probably get somebody who would be into comics like... and then that would maybe start you talking and then like, but he could still be an old wanker sure
[speaker001:] As long as
[Stephen:] What's this?... Who's this?...
[speaker005:] I don't know who it is.
[speaker001:] Someone called... Raoul...
[Stephen:] You mean Raoul as in... Raoul?
[speaker005:] Friend of Johnny's?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] No, don't think so. [cough]
[speaker001:] Is Raoul English or something?
[speaker005:] Er... no I just think his dad is... and they've just picked it up from their dad, you know....
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] It's not the [] Rhythm guitarist the bass player [LAUGHTER] oh my goodness []. Oh they've got a drummer as well
[speaker005:] a vocalist as well....
[speaker001:] Oh
[speaker005:] They must have a a lead guitarist or somebody who fancies themselves as a lead
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Yes [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] and a drummer.... look at [LAUGHTER] []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] But I don't know who it was, erm just some guy come in and said to us do you mind sticking that up for us, no not at all.... Sure thing.
[Stephen:] You're not gonna? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] play in Johnny's group?
[Stephen:] No, well like I haven't learnt it, I can't play... I can play up to a certain bit in the start and then I can play the rest of it like, it's just one I can't get... it's just real annoying, I have the at the right pitch and I just... No I can get the but I mean I can't go [humming], I can go [humming] like and go [humming] and that's it. [LAUGHTER] I need to go [humming] Yeah. Why?
[speaker005:] Just asking.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] One of the just those questions you ask people like.... What do you eat for breakfast Pat?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Like it's one of those questions you ask people.
[speaker001:] What year were you born?... That's another question.
[Stephen:] No
[speaker005:] I had Sugar Puffs right? [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Do you eat Sugar Puffs?
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] [tut] I used to eat those all the time, my mum won't buy them any more.
[speaker005:] I remember Gary, Gary... it was one of the first... it was when he
[speaker001:] Sugar Puffs?
[speaker005:] started working and he got one of his first pay packets he went out and bought a box of Sugar Puffs
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] one of the big five hundred gramme ones.
[Stephen:] Why?
[speaker005:] I don't know.
[Stephen:] Cos he loved them like?
[speaker005:] Aye well I dunno but anyway
[speaker001:] I'd love to
[Stephen:] I hate
[speaker001:] I'd love to know why they call them Sugar Puffs.
[speaker005:] five hundred in a packet right
[Stephen:] Gee Pat
[speaker005:] and he had about four bowlfuls and he was
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] oh tucking into his fifth when he went... blurgh [vomiting noise]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] and he never fucking ate them again
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] I know but I'd love to know why they call them Sugar Puffs
[Stephen:] Cos they're puffed up.
[speaker001:] cos they're all honey, I know but they're honey.
[speaker005:] Yeah but
[speaker001:] Honey monster.
[Stephen:] Bollocks there's honey on it, don't talk shit it's pure sugar [LAUGHTER]...
[speaker005:] Pure fattening......
[speaker001:] Sixty nine.
[speaker005:] sixty one.
[Stephen:] Sixty one?
[speaker001:] Sixty nine.
[speaker005:] What are we talking about? Oh yes [LAUGHTER] sixty two [] yes.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Sixty two, no more than sixty.
[speaker005:] Sixty two
[Stephen:] You must be really dedicated in this shop.
[speaker005:] ninety two even Yeah!
[speaker001:] Yeah! [clapping]...
[speaker005:] How embarrassing
[speaker001:] You're the same a you're just, you're younger than
[Stephen:] That's what I said Paul the first time the first time you told me your age I went... [LAUGHTER] That's what I said, you know that? I went no you're not, I thought you were taking the piss out of me when you said it.
[speaker001:] No I'm not [LAUGHTER] Yes you do, you look... you look younger.
[Stephen:] Oh you're so youthful Paul.
[speaker001:] Oh I know He looks like Ronnie,
[Stephen:] Here are the other two songs I can't play... or I haven't heard....
[speaker001:] and The Prince.
[Stephen:] They're covers like.... Oh... What? Oh tonight?
[speaker001:] Aye.
[Stephen:] I'm going driving tonight. Why? Killer.
[speaker001:] Or any shop you, any comic Oh it's brilliant! I thought you were?
[Stephen:] Ah well, in tomorrow like but I'm just going in till twenty past nine and then... sign my name off and going home. And I wouldn't even go in because I don't think my dad's making me go in except... she kept me,... and... all behind because we didn't do our homework and she said right see me tomorrow, Why? There's no difference is there? It's grammar school, why?
[speaker001:] Bye guys.
[Stephen:] Cheerio.
[speaker001:] See you. Bye. Cheers.
[Stephen:] Yo.
[speaker001:] See you. See you.
[Stephen:] Bye.
[speaker001:] Bye now Bye Bye now. Oh by the way, I don't think she'll ever go out with you if she's any taste at all. [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] How long have they been in here for Paul? Oh Jesus [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Oh Christ.
[speaker001:] Contact grab! Grab!
[Stephen:] If you can play it, contact grab...
[speaker001:] take the number down.
[Stephen:] Guns and Roses?
[speaker001:] Where?
[Stephen:] Oh I didn't see that,
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Joint lead guitar!
[Stephen:] [humming]
[speaker001:] Is that the one where they go in
[Stephen:] the one with... What did yous get him one for? Da er Father's Day present or something?... Aye. Yep.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] And I was upstairs see so I sat and I watched them. Hundred and two minutes each tape and I sat and watched them yesterday. Three of them.
[speaker001:] Red Dwarf. Got all the Red Dwarf tapes.
[Stephen:] Oh whenever Blake Seven's out too How much was it?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] I was standing there and I was going... I had the two pound in my pocket like but there's no way I was giving her two pound... so... [LAUGHTER] Bitch []
[Stephen:] bastard.
[speaker001:] Yeah, seen that and then for... there's this thing treating people who'd ruined this guy's marriage
[Stephen:] Did you tape it?
[speaker001:] Yeah. the apocalypse and all the people atheists and... one where ah the Christians, Christians over there please... [tut] well I'm sorry to tell you but the jews were right [LAUGHTER]... Er do you remember the one where? No, he'd gone up to the traffic lights and this cyclist sort of like cycled up, jumped off his bike and wheeled it round the corner so he [LAUGHTER] Yeah, he jumps out [LAUGHTER] I like the one car park Yeah he got trapped in a car park and he couldn't get out for ages and ages and then as he got out he crashed into another car. Ah that's, that's it there....... Well did you see the one where he's getting changed... What's that? he was getting changed in the car and he put a brick on the pedal and all [LAUGHTER] Yes, yes he was going to work and he put the brick on the pedal while he's... jumped in the back pulling on his trousers [] and st st steering with And cleaning his teeth steering with his foot. He gets into the back seat and he's got his feet over the fr the front seat steering with his foot [LAUGHTER] Ah that's the same one he's making a lunch or something in, in the park Yeah. The bit where he's on the beach he's just down to the beach Yeah. and there's this guy sitting... sitting beside him, you know sunbathing and stuff, and er... he doesn't know what to do
[Stephen:] Oh the teacher told us this one.
[speaker001:] he sticks, he sticks the, the... Trunks. the trunks on top of his trousers, unbuttons himself and pulls them down, and he gets, he's er really, really awkward the way he does it and all the rest of it and gets, he finally gets his trousers off, pulls up his er trunks and your man gets up, pulls off his towel, gets out his white stick and [LAUGHTER]... Oh he, he went swimming one time and that was pretty good [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] I can't remember what that bit was, I think he just stood on top
[speaker001:] Yes he crawled, crawled to the edge of the
[Stephen:] Oh that's right and then this wee kid got up and jumped off didn't he?
[speaker001:] Do you know that bit where he was ha looking over the diving board and stuff? That was Jonathan to a T. We went swimming with Jonathan the other night and he got up on the top board and sort of and he was sort of like hanging on to the bar like this looking over
[Stephen:] Oh god, that's like.
[speaker001:] and he couldn't do it and the worse thing was everybody in the pool had gone [shouting] go on []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] What, what happened was Robert, Rob and me shouted, Robert and me were there and who was it, Helen was there I think as well, his ex girlfriend... we were going [shouting] go on Jon, go on jump []... and everybody in the pool started it [shouting] go on Jonathan []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] and he couldn't do it, he was so totally embarrassed and all the rest of it, he had to get down and everybody was [shouting] boo boo, chicken, chicken []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Oh he felt so wet.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] I felt so sorry for him.
[Stephen:] Can you do it?
[speaker001:] Mm? No
[Stephen:] Fuck, no way.
[speaker001:] I can't fucking
[Stephen:] I went off the second board and I had to get out cos I felt sick. And like I'm not afraid of the water like.
[speaker001:] I used to dive off the first board
[Stephen:] Yes.
[speaker001:] and then I hurt my back
[Stephen:] I di I dive off the first board but I couldn't even jump or drop off the second board.
[speaker001:] there was one time I dove in and I hurt my back, I sort of like keeled over, kicked... well
[Stephen:] [shouting] Oh I know what you mean [] you went in like that and your back, your, your legs went like that there?
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Ooh! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] But I've jumped off the second one, I haven't dived off the second one.
[Stephen:] No way. I got up, I remember like I'd just... I'd just learnt to dive off the first one like I was running down like, yes! And I got up with the intention of diving off the second one and I went no!... Jumped off it. Pete... Petey right? I'm not joking, his leg [LAUGHTER] his legs were about that wide right? [LAUGHTER] He wore those new shorts
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] right? So he's walking about, the shorts are this wide
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] the rest of it's like this here... he runs into the water and he's [shouting] [] into the water like... Him and Bobby used to
[speaker001:] God love him.
[Stephen:] dive off
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Petey and Bobbie used to dive off the top board like
[speaker001:] Aye. head first. Yes.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] He's a total wanker []. Total wanker I mean there's Jody and all those like and they're a real dipstick, they have balls but that wee kid is just so... unbelievably stupid like, he was just like [shouting] []
[speaker001:] Who?
[Stephen:] Petey I know. You just flip on your back like and
[speaker001:] you get these jocks that get up there, big and they think they are so cool and then
[Stephen:] Big fat massive hairy chest, hairy chest, tiny swimming trunks
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] that is my seat by the way, erm [LAUGHTER] hairy chest, bit of a sun tan, they've bee they were away last summer
[speaker001:] hanging over the
[Stephen:] oh like... totally over, that's why he doesn't need to wear t too many swimming trunks cos you can't see anything anyway
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] runs along... splash, doesn't even make it, make it round, he just and goes like this and then, and then lands in the water like that.
[speaker001:] Well this guy's jumped off the second board and done a belly flop
[Stephen:] Ooh fuck! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Ooh [] [LAUGHTER] and he [] he got up and he was totally, totally red. It was totally red
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] oh ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, and everybody in the whole pool heard it just go [slapping noise]... everybody was going... ooh! [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Oh fuck!...
[speaker001:] It was totally wild
[Stephen:] That pool that pool would be really good if it wasn't for the water.
[speaker001:] Why what's wrong with the water? It's shitty.
[Stephen:] Ah it's fucking chlorinated to fuck.
[speaker001:] Is it? there'll be dickheads and
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] I know it's right [] but that's a laugh I think. You just... you just watch them and all and you just
[speaker001:] I thought they were in every pool like, you can m even do it yourself without thinking about it... if you want some people I don't start thinking about it cos I fart under the water [LAUGHTER] []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Well I'd, I, buy your poster I... I'm going down south next week and I intend...
[Stephen:] Oh Paul we don't wanna hear your problems, buy the poster.
[speaker001:] Credit?
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] You'll be off work, I'll be off work
[Stephen:] when you get your test.
[speaker001:] Aye of course if I get the [LAUGHTER] test []. Don't, don't be going fuck mad and taking Ah I've no intention of going fuck mad. You know what happened on Sunday? cos there is so many people get their licence, bang they're out the door, in the car
[Stephen:] Bang [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] bash it five minutes down the road, bang bang on Sunday, Sunday morning I was up Was it that guy that crashed before? Yeah. It wasn't his fault this time, I mean, I'm serious, it was, it was not his fault [LAUGHTER] I can't believe this []. Ah yeah Alright.... [belch]... [LAUGHTER]... [cough]
[speaker005:] He's staying at my house.... He's staying at my house.... Staying after at my house.
[Stephen:] You can't stay?
[speaker003:] Can I not?
[Stephen:] No.
[speaker003:] I'm away till Richard's coming down for me. my daddy goes erm where will you be so I can in touch with you... by phone laughing cos they were shouting at me and then he said to me... and then I told him it wasn't and he goes so why do you go
[speaker001:] ...
[Stephen:] Kill that.
[speaker005:] What?
[speaker003:] Ah don't! What did that wee fly ever do to you?... [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]...
[Stephen:] Erm how much were your boots?
[speaker003:] What?
[Stephen:] Your boots.
[speaker003:] Forty two.
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker003:] Why? Cos they're lovely and I have a pair. [LAUGHTER] You can get better ones like from
[Stephen:] Have you heard from home?
[speaker003:] Eh? No.... So she wouldn't have died then? In reality
[speaker005:] No she didn't die. Oh aye but th they were in Vietnam right, and er
[speaker003:] Was she er was she er... good was she?
[speaker005:] No. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] it doesn't matter [].
[speaker005:] Hey she was right, and she was in the bushes in Vietnam and she took hold of these prisoners right
[speaker003:] I didn't know women were allowed to go.
[speaker005:] and er just at the very end all you could see was her and your man, the hologram... and he'd just been killed about five minutes earlier.... So he could have saved himself but he didn't want to.
[speaker003:] The hologram?
[speaker005:] Aye.
[speaker003:] And did he not save himself then?
[speaker005:] No.
[speaker003:] Did he die? But then how can go on.
[speaker005:] Cos he's still he's still a hologram.
[speaker003:] Hologram. So that's how he died then?
[speaker005:] Aye.
[speaker003:] Well it's funny Remember he tried to stab his wife I cried my eyes out at that!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] at the very start of last night there was this guy water skiing...
[Stephen:] big massive fat woman right, and she was just walking about this conference, you know where she's not supposed to be, and all these shoulders... stab her right? And then
[speaker003:] Shoulders?
[Stephen:] Soldiers, right, stab her and they're all dying and then you see the head like... it's just all dressed up in these things and it's Arnie underneath it... and he takes the head off and it closes up again and he goes... chew this or something blows up and then Arnie gets
[speaker003:] No there's a scene in Terminator, he's like wood and metal, in this new Terminator
[Stephen:] Yeah
[speaker003:] it is absolutely brilliant the way they do it....
[Stephen:] What was that what was that
[speaker005:] Well you'd run a mile
[Stephen:] Oh aye. That one er under the water...
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] The Little Mermaid [] no. it is fucking brilliant, in a monkey suit.
[speaker005:] Oh a cartoon?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[speaker005:] Aye
[speaker003:] Oh yes, yes! Cape Man or something, oh what did you call it?
[Stephen:] I, I was watching, I was watching
[speaker003:] Did you ever see?
[speaker005:] I fucking love that
[speaker003:] Do you?
[speaker005:] the cu the music is totally shit but I love
[Stephen:] We were talking about it one day walking down the road... walked up to this woman, went [shouting] I fucking hate [] [LAUGHTER]...
[speaker003:] Crap. No it's good, do you watch that? On I T V.
[Stephen:] Oh is it a big long serial thing?
[speaker003:] No.
[Stephen:] No.
[speaker005:] Oh that's a load of shit.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Don't you like it []?
[speaker005:] fucking English.
[speaker003:] I know
[speaker001:] [ten minutes of very poor quality recording where it is impossible to make out the conversation] George if you've got any food... then we'll, we'll put it on or whatever is happening then, then... then by the time I get something to eat...
[Stephen:] [humming]
[speaker001:] [seven minutes of very poor quality recording and traffic noise; unable to hear conversation]
[speaker005:] [shouting] Give me a lift []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]...
[speaker005:] teacher, oh Jesus Christ.
[speaker001:] Hi!
[Stephen:] You can't. I saw him driving the other day, tell you that?
[speaker005:] Yes....
[Stephen:] You told me he couldn't drive cos he was traffic lights. Did you tell me that? It was more like, he says
[speaker005:] He already said he could see red and green.... How the fuck does he know we can see red and green?...
[Stephen:] Exactly.... What's red to you and what's red to me is a different thing.
[speaker005:] ...
[Stephen:] Oh look there's Keg
[speaker005:] Where?
[Stephen:] Over there, at the, you can't see her she is behind that pillar and she's wearing a peach jumper and
[speaker005:] oh Jesus Christ!
[speaker001:] and turn round I swear to God.
[Stephen:] I'll give you matches whatever... if you give me a light I'll give you a sweetie.... matches [LAUGHTER]...
[speaker001:] [fifteen minutes of very poor quality recording; unable to hear conversation at all]
[Stephen:] The er... that's one of your bro or er how many of your brothers and sisters will be at home now? Aye. That's alright, but I thought, I was sort of thinking if we're all going round your house, we could bring it round to your house.
[speaker001:] Well you can bring it round to my house
[Stephen:] Sound. Will that be
[speaker001:] ... Hi. Working hard? Yes.
[Stephen:] Ah ah ah! Don't get... cross now.... This is your father speaking now so don't get cross.
[speaker001:] What? ...
[Stephen:] Right, one two [humming]
[speaker001:] [music] Who the hell's that?
[Stephen:] That's Kink, that singing is Kink.
[speaker001:] I never list I've never listened to the tape [humming]...
[Stephen:] Who's that? Totally Kink.
[speaker001:] [shouting] Jon you dirty git []...
[speaker007:] What?
[Stephen:] [shouting] You got mud all over the bed, come and look at it []
[speaker007:] What?
[Stephen:] See all this mud, it came off your shoe. Don't put your feet on your bed again.
[speaker007:] I didn't.
[Stephen:] Where did all this shit come from then?... Do you think I do shits in my sleep that size.... spontaneous, it's just the same as any. It's just tape it and then some wanker sits and tries to work it out. That's his job, [LAUGHTER] sits and works out [] for a living....
[speaker001:] [five minutes of traffic noise]
[Stephen:] Burt Reynolds was on Donahue last night.... And then I watched Prisoner Cell Block H... is it a whole series of them?... I've only ever seen one before right, I watched it last night [LAUGHTER] and it's the same fucking one []. I was totally pissed off.... Is it, is it all the same? I saw one of those... and it was about some punk in New York... and it was
[speaker007:] McCloud? Oh totally fucking
[Stephen:] What?
[speaker007:] McCloud, you ever seen that?
[Stephen:] I think I have, I've probably seen them all like....
[speaker001:] [six minutes of poor quality recording with traffic noise; unable to hear conversation] Hi.
[Paul:] Hello.
[Stephen:] What you doing man?... Tidying the shop, oh look you've put all... things up.... Wow!
[Paul:] ... So how's you?
[Stephen:] Ah alright. Off school thank fuck. I'm off for... cos I have got no work experience cos and she couldn't get me work experience in June and now everybody else is in work experience I get the week off.... So that's pretty hot,...
[Paul:] So where's Rick got to?
[Stephen:] Oh he's gone to the library to see... I'll have to get
[Paul:] Great stuff.... So what's the trick to the solo on there?
[Stephen:] I don't know like, some of it's just real hard, most of it's just easy anyway it goes in the big diddly diddly diddly bit at the end, just [LAUGHTER]......
[Paul:] stuff's no problem but er once it starts... and get the medium stuff done as well
[Stephen:] And there's the bit
[Paul:] so that when he gets up
[Stephen:] three of my frets on the bottom string that you can't bend up, I don't know what's wrong. And you hit it and it bends up and it just dies... and I've been sitting like, I mean I, I definitely don't think that it is anything with the way I hold it in like cos I've been sitting going [humming] and I just, just hit it and it goes ee, it just dies so you can't bend, that's on too.
[Paul:] Och it might be... I dunno... it might be with you bending it... that there's a bump on that string.
[Stephen:] Yeah on the, that's a thought,
[Paul:] I think
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Paul:] But th it's something wrong with...
[speaker001:] ...
[Stephen:] It looks real good with
[Paul:] That's what I thought, I thought you know fuck... looks like a bloody comic shop for a change. That's why I stuck all the posters here... think the back issues... loosening up a bit it was getting pretty tight....
[speaker001:] Nine hundred series.... Well okay [LAUGHTER]... Anyway I thought they'd ring here but... couple of people, some, two women... I thought it was Belfast Station... ...
[Paul:] New window display and everything.... The big guns and the big guns [LAUGHTER] I found a use for the fucking thing. That looks good actually...... I thought you'd be practising like mad... on your day off.
[Stephen:] No. I was playing last night... Gotta learn this album I used to have ages and ages ago... fucking. I was really annoyed last night, I was getting really [LAUGHTER] []... There was all this like down tuning and up tuning like all over the place...... That looks like Bart Simpson's dad
[Paul:] Mm yeah.
[Stephen:] got the hair
[Paul:] Probably [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] What is it?
[Paul:] ...
[speaker001:] Going to tonight.
[Stephen:] Are you?... I thought you'd given that up.
[speaker001:] No, back on again. just started, aye.... ah swimming on Monday nights and... I'm doing training another three times a week...
[Stephen:] I'd love to do th I'm really unfit, I mean like totally unfit. Sitting here I've got a pot belly and no fucking muscles [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] That's what Robert wants then, to do a bit of training and start like getting ...
[Stephen:] I'm not like overly fat or anything, I'm the right weight for what I'm, for my height like but I've just got a pot belly
[speaker001:] They've got a spare room in my mum's flat so... I just took it over and put a weights bench in and, what else, a rowing machine... and I started to do some weights
[Stephen:] I never knew you had all those. Have you?
[speaker001:] I've had those for years....
[Stephen:] Expensive!
[speaker001:] ... sort of like what happened is that Robert was sort of like, the three of us sort of chipped in and bought it between us and stuff like that you know, so that all three of us would get the benefit of it
[Stephen:] Yeah
[speaker001:] but er... I was the only one that ever [LAUGHTER] used it [] and I used it about once or twice and then, like like, I used it for about
[Stephen:] Hi there.
[speaker001:] six months Steve.... About... eight o'clock he says be down, be in for eight o'clock.... Right....
[Stephen:] after Easter... cos I got... people have most go in work experience and I didn't get a place after Easter like.
[speaker001:] You dog!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] revision but it's fucking Aye he's a bastard so he is [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] What are you doing?
[speaker001:] physics A C theory
[Stephen:] A bitch.
[speaker001:] the worst like
[Stephen:] Yeah
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] A C theory sucks [] [LAUGHTER] some of the questions... You haven't done any mag magnetic stuff ha have you? Or er... [tut]
[Stephen:] We've got, you know the
[speaker001:] All the worst stuff comes at the start of next year... electro-magnetic induction, electron physics, stuff, all the shitty stuff I think [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] course but
[speaker001:] Oh aye
[Stephen:] eighty five points. We've done er eighty, eighty something points I think, we've done the fucking
[speaker001:] I know but er that's what I mean, we get all the, a lot of them, about four of them topics worth, we're being given the equivalent of one of the topics you may be do next year you know. You know you can get and circular motion... and stuff all and AC, you know, it's that big. Next year, year's topic will be nuclear, nuclear physics, it's fucking massive, [LAUGHTER] it's about a hundred topics []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Seriously next year boy you're gonna get one major awakening, you think this year's bad for physics, wait to you start next year.
[Stephen:] I, I, I understand all the work like and I'm sitting in class and I'm doing fine fuck all and then I come in and get a test like and he cracks up...
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Fucking
[speaker001:] Who is?
[Stephen:] Me.
[Paul:] He come in laughing one day, look at this Paul, look at this and he shows me this big long letter that this teacher had wrote on.
[Stephen:] Erm you see we were given this test, right, it was on... [tut]... gravity or something
[speaker001:] Hiya
[Paul:] Hello
[Stephen:] and... freaked out, right, er we did the test on Friday, right and he wasn't in on the Monday
[speaker001:] Yeah yeah.
[Stephen:] we were going [shouting] yo he's not in [], came in the Tuesday... the reason I was off yesterday was cos I was so fucked off [LAUGHTER] with your test [], but he didn't say fucked off
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Erm... erm and then he was going spare and he says these are the worst I've ever received in all the years I've been teaching, right? And he went the next ones had better be better, right, [LAUGHTER] the next ones were worse []
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] totally disastrous.... Well I'm, aye he just hit the roof, I got fucking twenty five or something. All of my test marks like Paul... eighty, seventy two er fifty six, forty three [LAUGHTER] thirty three, thirty three, twenty five []
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] ...
[speaker001:] as well eh? No chance. I would rather... even kill myself, and I do mean kill myself than do You're wearing your T-shirt? No I haven't seen this for a while yet [LAUGHTER] had this one on for a few days.... [five minutes of very poor quality recording; unable to hear conversation] Yeah we were out last night.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] at least twenty people....
[Stephen:] Oh right you got chips, I thought you got... [tut] I thought you got gravy and a burger All donations will be accepted.
[speaker001:] Fuck...... Where? No Never.
[Stephen:] take your ticket back... sensible people would like.
[speaker001:] No I'm not sensible, I'm even... I'm even less sensible than people who didn't take a ticket back. Hasn't he lost it? Yeah. I lost...
[Stephen:] Where you there?
[speaker001:] Him and Gary, over the fence....
[Stephen:] Was it you went over the fence with Gary?... I remember seeing you inside. Well like I, I was with Gary, Gary
[speaker001:] No I went off in the car with... They climbed over the fence.
[Stephen:] Posers.... No he, he lost the ticket.
[speaker001:] Oh I lost the ticket
[Stephen:] Gary definitely got the like. Remember he walked out the lost.
[speaker001:] What?
[Stephen:] Remember he waltzed out in the? Everybody was laughing....
[speaker001:] Who said I had a chip? I got a pasty... I had a pasty... so I did....
[Stephen:] Well I just, I just get my pay and then I go and fucking blow it all....
[speaker001:] Aye sure they are nice now fuck off....
[speaker007:] It's alright Steve, we'll just start now, just turn it down and then
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Oh right []. This is quite a scandal.
[speaker007:] Aye, scandalous
[Stephen:] Put them back down and... There's no way they would fit my record player.
[speaker007:] ... You've already got it.
[Stephen:] I haven't got it.
[speaker007:] You bought that the other day. You bought that and
[Stephen:] But... I didn't buy it. That's right, I did buy it... but I forgot to collect it, that was what
[speaker001:] [music] Think so?
[Stephen:] Well it's a ninety nine P pack.
[speaker001:] Aye. singles. [music] [wind].