[speaker001:] up and call me now [recording giving tel-num] A little music as well we have on the show we have a video from Elvis to give away in the second half of the programme and star guest this afternoon is Mary Whitehouse. [music] [recording giving tel-num] [music] Oh ho ho Steeley Dan and erm reeling reeling out the thingummybobs. Hello that's a nice way to start it isn't it? Good morning good afternoon whatever you like to call O never mind you know the number. Now er we're going to start this morning talking about animals. More specifically why we're so cruel to them. Britain must be an animal erm a country of animal abusers looking at the statistics. Why do we hate animals so much? If you have a view on that O nine O four six four one six four one and I'd like to hear from you all you have to do is pick up the phone and give me a f a call [LAUGHTER] now [] sorry. Did Karen say to somebody on that thing did I hear her say, What are you on? She looked at me and said that when I walked in this morning. What are you on? I didn't like to tell her is was Phylisan but there we are. Anyway erm we've been hearing on this programme recently of course that er people are against hunting against fishing er they say it's cruel. But they are willing quite willing apparently to give and receive pets as presents and millions of them end up getting abused neglected and destroyed. Every year we see that doleful little puppy on the television screen and every year thousands of people give pets for Christmas. The R S P C A have to pick up the pieces and they've launched a campaign to try and stop it and joining me now is Alan. Is this Alan Oritt, Alan?
[Alan:] Correct yeah.
[James Whale:] OK you're the Superintendent for the north east of England that covers this area too.
[Alan:] I'm the Chief Superintendent that covers the the north east of England yes.
[James Whale:] OK. So you're the big boss are you?
[Alan:] One of them.
[James Whale:] One of them. Have you er polished your brass today got it all ready to talk to me I hope you have. Now [clears throat] sorry Alan I've got to turn you up a bit you don't mind do you?
[Alan:] No not at all.
[James Whale:] It won't hurt there we are that's nice OK. Now Alan, first of all er have we learned anything do you think over the years or do we seem to be getting worse?
[Alan:] Sadly the things seem to be getting worse. Er we the Society try our very best to get over the message to people just before Christmas. Please don't give a pet for Christmas. But unfortunately er it seems to fall on many deaf ears and we the Society as other many charities who deal with animals are left to pick up the pieces.
[James Whale:] Why is it it seems to me also, and I may be totally wrong here, but it seems people who are least likely to look after themselves are the ones who want to have animals? I mean you see them walking around particularly people who go for the big dogs, you see them walking around with a big thick necks, the tattoos, the er the boots and the jeans rolled up.
[Alan:] Well I think that's a little bit to do with a bit of macho image. Erm and er perhaps it's the owners wanting to look rather big. Unfortunately they don't think before they get the pet that you've got to look after it. It takes
[James Whale:] But an an
[Alan:] time it takes money.
[James Whale:] Another thing is of course it's all pets it isn't just dogs and cats.
[Alan:] That's right yes.
[James Whale:] I mean people have er er budgie or er er er another sort of bird and they think it doesn't need any looking after.
[Alan:] That's right. Er just before Christmas you see people think that buying a Christmas present er that's easy. Once you've er got over the newness of it the the the thing can be put in away in a drawer can be put back in it's box. But with an animal it's for life. Er you've got to look after it. You've got to devote a lot of time to the care and attention that it requires.
[James Whale:] I I heard the other day what I thought was one of the best advertisements not to have an animal for Christmas very emotive, er I think it was for the R S P C A, and I I'm told I don't think you've heard it but it b basically it's it's er the sound of a er well it's a human pretending to be a dog really and saying you know, Well this is nice my my er family have taken me to the vet, I didn't think I was ill but never mind. Oh here comes a nice man with er an injection. Ah perhaps they're going to give me some vitamins.
[Alan:] Yes.
[James Whale:] And it goes on and on like this until the voice is erm, I can't feel anything any more.
[Alan:] Yes it's it's it was one of the er advertisements or programmes that went out on radio er again this is why I've been trying to get over to people the sad things that have to happen to animals. Erm we hate putting animals to sleep. In fact it was the Society's policy now that we won't put animals to sleep unless there is an extreme er cause for that the sick, diseased. Erm and we're attempting to try to get over to people please please think before you get a pet.
[James Whale:] Why is it that in the north of England, particularly in this region of the north of England, we seem to be worse than anywhere else?
[Alan:] I I don't think you are. Now I've spent seventeen years in Hartlepool and yes that er
[James Whale:] They hate monkeys in Hartlepool did you know that?
[Alan:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Found a honkey they monkey
[Alan:] I wasn't going to say anything the Kirkham Hotel.
[James Whale:] they hung it.
[Alan:] Er yes and there's one hanging behind their door. Er the thing is that the people in the northeast yes er there is a lot more work done up there by the Society but you know since I've been down in Horsham I have found that the northeast is not alone. There are many other areas in the country where animals are seriously abused. The northeast isn't the only place.
[James Whale:] Mm. Ok thank you very much indeed er Chief Superintendent. And Pa Pat I don't think I don't hold out any hope at all that people will pay any attention they will go they'll see a little puppy somewhere they'll say, Oh that's lovely we'll buy that for Tommy er, and then Tommy will abuse it totally and er they'll say, Well the dog was a a waste of time it didn't work properly and er didn't know how to er how to look after itself.
[Alan:] May I just say that the majority of people will care for their animals but it is those people who buy, we have s er cases where erm people will turn up on Christmas day and say to their elderly relative, We bought you a puppy. The elderly relative hadn't didn't want a puppy. Never ever wanted a puppy because it makes them a captive person
[James Whale:] Mm.
[Alan:] they've got to look after something. And this is where the Society is called in er to look after that puppy. Or just after Christmas usually between Christmas and New Year. We're called to waste ground, behind pet shops, a any place to pick up boxes of unwanted puppies, kittens that have obviously been er planned for selling to people er before Christmas.
[James Whale:] Good Alan thank you very much indeed.
[Alan:] You're very welcome.
[James Whale:] Let er let's hope it'll mm [clears throat] won't be like that er mm this er this year. Now he says deep intake of breath don't have a puppy for Christmas. Do as I do have turkey instead. [music] I'm playing this one because I like it. It's a little a little fresh Cajun music from New Orleans from the and I can say that er that's why I'm playing it really. O nine O four six four one six four one any calls about dogs or er any other sort of animal you want to give us a ring call us now. [music] which er er probably rude I dunno it's just. Er B B C radio York you are not in the South of France but as it is persistently snowing around the county at the moment I thought you know a little French flavour. Was it the Beaujolais Nouveau wasn't it this week was it? Everybody seems to be nodding around here I thought it was Thursday it was wasn't it? Could anybody bring us a bottle down here you know because that would be nice wouldn't it on a on a cool Saturday afternoon here as we sit overlooking the grand metropolis of York. It would be nice to have just a little swig of the erm of the new grape. Has anybody tasted it? I haven't tasted it anybody taste give me a call. I cos quite frankly I have never heard such an exciting R S P C A man as that last one so I don't expect to get much response to that. Er so let's talk about the, can't hear can he he's not up in this area? No he doesn't know does he? Er stuff it. Ah anyway so erm I don't think anybody's bothered about er fish and chips arrived have they? Everybody's in there. Thing about this programme it is so it is so crucial to everything that goes on at Radio York while it is happening, they eat in the other room that's how much er interest there is they eat in the other room. Tour buses around York. Should they be banned? Should we get rid of them? Is York a big enough city to have them? You know the open topped buses where they go round they hold up the traffic. I know the tourists are very important to York but for goodness sake it isn't a huge city can't they walk round? Why can't they walk round? I think if we got rid of all those open topped tour buses in York, traffic would be a lot easier. What do you think? Give me a call you know the number O nine O four six four one six four one. You can ring now. You can ring about anything you want actually. Anything you feel like you can ring I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm really you know. Shame of the Killer oh no I don't think we'll do that er look through the Sun see if there's anything interesting erm [sniff] in there [reading] I've got nothing in the Ewbank []. Boxer Chris Ewbank worth around eight million is moaning that he's got no money. What has he done with his money? What has got he didn't give me any. Oh he's bought a big house has he? OK. Usual sort of sex, drugs, rock and roll as you get in the papers on a Saturday as well. Or is he the best dress man too? Chris Ewbank is the best dressed man. That'll upset Jonathan Ross he always thought he was. Er O nine O four six four one six four one. Anybody who can hum by the way the er theme to the television programme Ivanhoe and I would be interested to hear from you as well. Now as the United Nations doesn't have enough on its plate dealing with the problems on earth and obviously they're er they're there at the forefront of everything that happens [LAUGHTER] [clears throat]. Action is being demanded to track down possible visitors from outer space and this is serious. [reading] A small group demonstrators have staged a protest outside the U N Headquarters in New York calling for an end to what they say is a cover up over the existence of U F Os. One of the organizers, Michael Luckman, says President Clinton is scared to acknowledge that superior beings do exist. []
[speaker004:] The United States er government is afraid as are other governments to admit er to their people that there is a higher form of life. Obviously if the U F Os touch down that would mean they would be charge and not Bill Clinton at the White House.
[James Whale:] Okay well er I I figure that there must be quite a number of er extraterrestrials [LAUGHTER] around [] around North Yorkshire and I thought it would be quite nice actually if er if there are any extraterrestrials listening at the moment they could ring in and we could have a chat. So if erm if if you yeah yes E T E T phoned when what do you want? I'm not even speaking to you because of that flipping letter. I mean I just noticed it I read, sorry Karen walked into the studio totally uninvited through a red light. That's a particular no no I mean you know for goodness sake can't we av can't we actually ob observe studio discipline? What you doing?
[Karen:] Just shutting that up a bit.
[James Whale:] That's my knob if I want it open I'll leave it open.
[Karen:] Don't flatter yourself.
[James Whale:] There we are you see. Just smutty mind haven't you really. Er the individual responsible for this this is your letter from the er director of er the Officers of the Director General's broadcasting Principle Assistant Dalek to the Director General. Get Bert on the phone I want a word with him now. Come on you lot you know where he is get him on the phone I want to talk to him. The individual responsible for this unacceptable behaviour shall remain nameless protect his listening and viewing ratings suffice it to say that his name suggests that he is capable of making a big splash. Is this the sort of person that's running the B B C? I don't believe he wrote this. Erm [reading] Likes to spout a lot and is never happier than when he is chewing up all the small fry in the world []. This is. [reading] The D G joins me in wishing you every success in your future career. []
[Karen:] You're destined for big things obviously.
[James Whale:] I wondered whether you were erm I wonder whether you were for the bullet or not?
[Karen:] No it's you.
[James Whale:] Oh it's me I see. Is traffic ready?
[Danny Savage:] Yes.
[James Whale:] Are you sure?
[Danny Savage:] Honest.
[James Whale:] Oh good. We're not going to make a cockup like we did last week are we? We're going to do it nicely nicely
[Danny Savage:] Yes.
[James Whale:] sort of flow into it.
[Danny Savage:] Professionally.
[James Whale:] Professionally all right. Actually I've I I I'm I can't do it now but at the next the next traffic I'm going to liven it up a bit for you. Okay. So it's it's going to be nice but er you will enjoy it okay so if you hang on you're not very loud there actually you talk a bit louder cos
[Danny Savage:] Talk a bit louder like that? Is that better?
[James Whale:] Could you talk a bit butcher as well for goodness sake I mean it's a yes
[Danny Savage:] Butcher oh I'm sorry oh dear.
[James Whale:] It's an important it's an important bit this traffic because there's snow falling all over the county there are going to be people erm in all sorts of er er problems.
[Danny Savage:] It's stopped now.
[James Whale:] What?
[Danny Savage:] It's stopped now.
[James Whale:] It has it?
[Danny Savage:] Was snowing yes.
[James Whale:] I wonder if anybody would like to ring in and talk to you?
[Danny Savage:] Well,
[James Whale:] I don't imagine they would for one moment I doubt it no. Anybody want to talk this fe where are you at the moment by the way I know
[Danny Savage:] Me?
[James Whale:] you're not here I mea are are you in London or where?
[Danny Savage:] No I'm in Leeds.
[James Whale:] Are you?
[Danny Savage:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Tell me they keep you in a garage locked away is that right.
[Danny Savage:] That's about the size of the place yeah.
[James Whale:] Okay we can't do this I don't like it you know talking to the on the programme we don't like it at all. memo could you not mention the producer quite so much nobody out there knows who he is. I'm going to actually tell everybody who everybody is later so there'll be no trouble. Right, now stand by because I'm going to give you a big build up
[Danny Savage:] Right.
[James Whale:] and I've got a and then oh this my paper here hold on. [clears throat] B B C Radio York oh no hang on sorry I got that wrong. I I start
[Danny Savage:] You do the jingle first.
[James Whale:] Do I put no I do a time check.
[Danny Savage:] All right then.
[James Whale:] Okay I go like this don't butt in Okay. It's twenty seven minutes past twelve, B B C Radio York the station that's always first for travel.
[Danny Savage:] We're looking at the roads er for North Yorkshire this Saturday afternoon. On the A one in the Bedale area there's still a mobile lane closure in operation on the north bound carriageway. That's between Bedale and Catterick at the moment and slight delays are possible there. Also on the A one in the Leeming area the inside lane of the south bound carriageway's closed at Holby Grange for emergency gas repair works and delays are likely as a result there. In Selby there's a demonstration taking place this afternoon it starts at half past one and will go via Barlby Road and Scott Road and some traffic delay delays are likely as a result. Also in York today traffic near to the Knavesmire could be slow due to an event taking place there. In the Ripon area weekend roadworks mean the Road will be closed as it passes under the A one bridge delays are likely as a result. At Stockton on Forest Stockton main bridge over the A sixty four is closed for resurfacing work through to six o'clock on Monday morning. And finally in the Thirsk area there are no further reports of snow on the high ground there but some moorland routes may still be a little slippery. Danny Savage A A Roadwatch.
[James Whale:] Oh very nice Danny very nice. This is were I pull this up and go. I'm not supposed to talk over the singing bit am I?
[Danny Savage:] No.
[James Whale:] Yeah. I'm sor Danny I am sorry.
[Danny Savage:] Okay next time, an hour's time.
[James Whale:] All right? Bye Yeah it'll be good.
[Danny Savage:] Okay.
[James Whale:] Bye bye.
[Danny Savage:] Bye bye.
[James Whale:] Danny Savage with the er the traffic. Now the the trains the twelve twenty eight Aberdeen isn't going to leave until twelve fifty four er let's have a look anything else er Liverpool twelve thirty eight Middlesborough Edge Hill er no leaves on the line but you know you don't you never know the er er er I don't understand that the thirteen eighteen what's that? What does Sar Scarborough I suppose that is? Gla go ge gar ge ga has the computer gone mad? Yeah I'm sorry but the computer's gone mad. Stay at home in front of the fire and listen to Radio York. Ha ha. Oh that was slick. Okay now er Garth Brookes my favourite country singer at the moment and er your chance to win this Elvis video okay you have to ring in we're giving this away first you have to ring in and tell me and tell me the next word no I can't do that I can't no I can't do it's too easy okay. All right tell me er complete the sentence of this of this particular hit song that Elvis er had and it's difficult all right. There were three words in the don't ring yet there were three words in the title I'll give you two you have got to give me the last one. It is difficult it is difficult I know all right? O nine O four six four one six four one this is it. Ready? The Hawaiian wedding... Okay no y you can't have got. There are three wo don't answer them yet. Don't let the them ring for a bit. The Hawaiian wedding now there's a word there missing I wonder if I wonder if you can erm if you can guess that if you are the most entertaining winner you will get this Elvis video. [music] [recording giving tel-num] Aha. Garth Brookes We Shall Be Free I love it I love it I love it. O K O nine six four one six four one very few calls out there at the moment I mean er. Noel is there hello Noel how are you?
[Noel:] Hello I'm fine thank you.
[James Whale:] What are you on here for?
[Noel:] Because er [LAUGHTER] because I was invited on to speak about current educational issues
[James Whale:] Oh that's good I couldn't you see it's very difficult for me you know I have to look up there I can never distinguish one one one call from another. Right. Do you have a tit do you want me to your a title do you have er?
[Noel:] I'm Press Officer for North Yorkshire National Union of Teachers.
[James Whale:] Yeah. Yo you're very lucky actually Noel that this is not erm a quiz show.
[Noel:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Shall I tell you for why?
[Noel:] Why?
[James Whale:] I'll tell you why cos the B B C there's a directive just gone out I've just been informed the B B C for quiz show hosts on the B B C to treat their guests with a little more civility.
[Noel:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Can you believe it? How much more flipping civil can you get.
[Noel:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Have you heard these quiz sho I mean they're all on radio four aren't they? All the quiz show yeah basically?
[Noel:] Well rad radio one as well.
[James Whale:] Mm [sniff] Where do you live anyway?
[Noel:] In Leeds.
[James Whale:] Oh good. Mm it's freezing outside isn't.
[Noel:] It certainly is yes.
[James Whale:] What are we talk oh education we're talking about education right yep. Okay let me do the prog right er [clears throat] Noel that's a funny name Noel by the way isn't it?
[Noel:] It's erm appropriate for the time of the year nearly.
[James Whale:] Mm It's like pulse but not.
[Noel:] Oh oh er yes.
[James Whale:] Is that how you pronounce it?
[Noel:] Erm it it is pronounce to
[James Whale:] Not the Noel y yeah okay. Anyway right so erm head teachers [clears throat] in the area have been complaining their schools are not tidy not cleaned sufficiently.
[Noel:] Yes.
[James Whale:] Why? I mean why why are our children going to school in in pig sties?
[Noel:] Well I think it's er down to the competitive tendering process where the County Council has had to put out the cleaning contracts for schools to tender. There were problems a few years ago when it first started with th the initial contract which was was won by the the County's own direct service organization and now it seems we're having a repeat of of those problems. Er with the new contracts that started in September erm basically it seems that some teachers are having to do bits of cleaning themselves to keep their their classroom up to up to scratch up to the standards they ought they ought to be. Erm we're hearing reports that parts of schools having to to be closed or th threatened to be closed because they're not sufficiently hygienic for pupils or teachers to work in.
[James Whale:] Oh how disgusting.
[Noel:] And er
[James Whale:] That is isn't that disgusting?
[Noel:] It certainly is yes.
[James Whale:] That is disgusting yes. So all these a lot of these firms are not up to the job why do why don't you sack them people are not up to the job why don't they get sacked?
[Noel:] Well there are monitoring systems which are meant to be in place a and which may be er are not are not effective enough erm. I mean I've heard representatives for County Council th this week saying that er as far as they were concerned th the standards weren't sufficiently low yet for them t to take action. But basically th every time the contract comes up for renewal, what will happen for a company to attempt to win the contract it's got to cut the hours of its employees and its also got to try and c cut the costs erm by cutting pay and that's the way that's the way contracts are won in this situation and as long as that keeps happening then the situation's going to get steadily worse.
[James Whale:] What are we going I mean we we've heard also I'm changing the subject now because that was the the sort of political answer I'd expect and er I suppose until I get somebody else come on and say he's talking absolute whatever er I mean I think it is down to the people who live and work with the school. I think if you all make a mess you should be severely reprimanded quite frankly expect other people to come round and pick up your mess.
[Noel:] Well that's something that a as a teacher we're erm in my school we're constantly saying t to the pupils I mean if they ha they have a they have a certain responsibility t to tidy up after them and t to try and keep their work area tidy that's not the same as er as cleaning at the end of the day as sweeping up all all the dust and and so on.
[James Whale:] What about this mum's army of teachers is this going to come to fruition as some point or not?
[Noel:] I don't I don't believe it is erm at the mo well earlier this week a report was published by the National Commission on Education which was er an independent erm Commission that was set up erm and they they've said that basically what we need to be doing is t if we're trying to raise standards is to keep the idea of having an all graduate profess profession followed up by high quality for train training for teachers once they've actually started work.
[James Whale:] The problem there is that graduates are so terribly boring and uninteresting people basically aren't they that they find it difficult to impart their er You would?
[Noel:] I would yes.
[James Whale:] You're a graduate.
[Noel:] I am yes.
[James Whale:] Yeah I thought so anyway. Er I would have thought that graduates find it more difficult to impart knowledge to people than anybody else.
[Noel:] No I'd I'd I don't I don't believe that that's the case erm
[James Whale:] Karen come to the studio please. Karen come to the studio please. Karen co sorry I just want to do something go on.... Yeah so okay I'm I'm I'm
[Noel:] I don't think that's the case.
[James Whale:] I'm I'm winding you up a little bit but no I mean there's a little method in this. When are the teachers going to stop being political animals and get down to teaching rather than try to score points off the Government?
[Noel:] Oh we're
[James Whale:] Cos anybody can score points off them I mean it's simple.
[Noel:] We we well we'd love to be able to get get on with our job and er wi with far less interference than we receive at the moment but er when government insists on er on interfering to the extent it does an and there have been well I've been reading recently so something like five hundred new powers the Education Secretary has given himself in the in over the last last few years.
[James Whale:] Well he's not going to be there for ever.
[Noel:] Decisions are made decisions are made erm there that we and we have to live with the consequences of them. If they affect education then it's our responsibility to speak up about them.
[James Whale:] You see I I think er er probably one of the best erm Ministers of er of er Education that er has been for quite some considerable time and I bet you throw your hands up in horror when I say this you will totally disagree and I'm talking here cos his name's just slipped [LAUGHTER] out of my mind []. Who was tha who was that oh for goodness sake tall thin gaunt looking man, always had to have about fifteen spoonfuls of sugar in his coffee whenever I met him?
[Noel:] S Sir Keith Joseph?
[James Whale:] Er you knew you see Sir Keith Joseph. Now I I remember talking to him for hours once on a programme about education and this was when he first said what we want is teachers to be accountable. And I'm a great believer in everybody should be accountable right?
[Noel:] Yes. We well I've no objections to that to that at all.
[James Whale:] No none of you do now but when he first suggested it everyone was up in arms and he poor old soul I remembered he said, I've had enough change I I believe in this I I've I've tried I'm too old now [sniff] and out he walked. Is there a chocolate machine in the building? And off he went. He was addicted to chocolate.
[Noel:] I I I think erm a lot of teachers would now look back on those days with er a certain fondness now bearing in mind what's what's happened since and the the the succession of education secretaries we've had since since then I mean had the only one in recent years who I would say has attempted a genuine dialogue with the teachers and tried to do something constructive is John McGregor.
[James Whale:] So when, and I would agree with you again, so when are the teachers going to be accountable, when is somebody who is a bad teacher and heck there are quite a few of them, you know it only takes a couple in every school to make it difficult for the rest, going to be got rid of you know you are not up to the mark out.
[Noel:] There there are systems in place in schools already for that and there always have been.
[James Whale:] You jest with me now come on we're we're we're being serious Noel if you are a teacher it is almost impossible to sack you. Almost totally impossible.
[Noel:] That's simply not true. There there are disciplinary procedures in in all schools erm which are there to be used.
[James Whale:] Why are they never used then? Are all teachers too good to be sacked because it is it is as rare as erm teeth in chickens.
[Noel:] I think it's I think it's very easy to er to ex exaggerate the problem to take one anecdotal evidence of of one about one or two cases and maybe about one or two people and say this is a major problem in every school.
[James Whale:] Let me put it this way to you Noel
[Noel:] I don't think it is.
[James Whale:] Let me put it to you this way you know as well as I do people who really ought to be doing something else other than teaching. You know that as well as I do and those people don't seem to be given the encouragement to move on to another profession.
[Noel:] I I
[James Whale:] Some are some are promoted to head teachers I know and I knew you were going to say that.
[Noel:] I wasn't going to say [LAUGHTER] that no []. Erm no I I honestly don't think that er that the the problem is as big as as big as you you say it is and I I think the the structures are there to deal with that and if if people had you know if people used them then they would they would work and they from time to time that they are used and you know it it is not impossible to get rid of rid of a teacher in in the way you are suggesting.
[James Whale:] Okay Noel thank you for your er your time and being a good sport this afternoon and I hear you have a little one you had better go back and sort things out.
[Noel:] That's right.
[James Whale:] Okay.
[Noel:] Okay thanks.
[James Whale:] Thanks a lot Noel bye bye. Noel from the er N U T. Erm I don't know what this is serious point actually if if you fancy yourself as one of these so called mums and I think it is a little patronizing the er title of a mums' army of teachers, if you think that maybe you could do that and you'd be interested in doing that and you think it's quite a good idea I'd be interested in hearing from you, all right? O nine O four serious talk O nine O four six four one six four one erm if you'd like to do that give me a call. Now where is er where is Rita where are you Rit all right my love all right where's Rita I've got I've got yellow I've got red I've got blue I've got green. What number is Rita on give me a number because I haven't got white? Twenty four Okay right if I put that down there Rita hi.
[Rita:] Hi.
[James Whale:] How are you?
[Rita:] I'm fine thanks.
[James Whale:] Hang on let me do that again that's good that isn't it? Makes a little noise click click click click. Can I have a chip does anybody hi Rita
[Rita:] Hi.
[James Whale:] [singing] Lovely Rita meter []
[Rita:] Oh don't please.
[James Whale:] I hate that isn't it awful to be obvious.
[Rita:] Well that's what everybody sings to me when them and they meet me for the first time or get introduced to me.
[James Whale:] Oh they don't. Where are you calling from we're very loud with callers today I know I'm not the most exciting thing on radio but you know there must be some callers out there somewhere?
[Rita:] Where am I. I'm at a little place called Ellenthorpe.
[James Whale:] Ellenthorpe. Is the weather as bad as people keep telling me because it was Okay when I drove in this morning.
[Rita:] No it's not it's it's quite mild, there's no frost on the ground it's all gone.
[James Whale:] So what's this about snow at Thirsk?
[Rita:] Well they can keep it we don't want it.
[James Whale:] Bit strange in Thirsk anyway I thought. I think there'd probably somebody with expanded polystyrene ceiling that's been pulled out.
[Rita:] Probably. Yeah it's it's actually it's not too bad it's a bit misty it's a bid hazy erm slight wind but it's not bad.
[James Whale:] It's not?
[Rita:] No it's not bad
[James Whale:] No Okay. I've just got to get something do you mind?
[Rita:] No go and get your chips or whatever.
[James Whale:] No I've got I've got I wanted t
[Rita:] It's all right my hubby can wait for his lunch I aren't bothered.
[James Whale:] Jolly well ought to as well. Er I wanted to talk to Jim Bowen you see about this quiz show host ought to be a a little nicer than they are and apparently his answer machine is on at home.
[Rita:] Well I must admit James I've threatened to put mine on.
[James Whale:] Have you?
[Rita:] Well Karen said that if I won the competition she'd ring back.
[James Whale:] Mm and then you thought, Oh God I've done it now.
[Rita:] But I had to speak to you you see and I dialled you while you actually said on the air that anyone that won had to speak to you and said to Karen look if you ring back I'll [LAUGHTER] put the answer phone on [].
[James Whale:] I know I thought that was good because then everybody puts the phone down you see and they all think they're going to be terribly clever.
[Rita:] Yes I think it depends on what kind of a message you actually have on your recorder to start off with.
[James Whale:] Is your's rude.
[Rita:] No it just says that it's basically to the effect of that the answering machine is quite reliable
[James Whale:] I I
[Rita:] and if you leave a message it will be dealt with and people do leave a message, whereas before when it just said I'm sorry I'm not available they didn't they just put the phone down.
[James Whale:] I usually leave a message saying I'm having sex at the moment ring back in about three seconds.
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER] And do they? []
[James Whale:] Sometimes sometimes they never ring back at all ever. [LAUGHTER]
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER] I should've just say you're bragging. []
[James Whale:] Yes you're right, you been speaking to my wife?
[Rita:] Well yeah we'll probably use the same supermarket I don't know.
[James Whale:] So listen I wan er er so is there any snow out there at all anywhere?
[Rita:] No no hon
[James Whale:] There's not. Any chips out there?
[Rita:] Well to be honest Ja I can't see that far normally from where I live I can see the White Horse bank but it's shrouded in mist at the moment erm no I can't see so I couldn't tell you whether there there is snow up there or not.
[James Whale:] Okay. I also I I also erm er what was I going to say I would take the disc but I can't find a way of getting into this machine actually it's broken erm [LAUGHTER].
[Rita:] It sounds about par for the B B C.
[James Whale:] Young Danny, the big boss now weekend said er take a disc take a disc and I said yeah well it's knackered er erm. What?
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Sorry. I'm doing that talking to you look for Jim Bowen's mobile phone number so I thought we'd give him a ring that'll surprise him wont it?
[Rita:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Okay er
[Rita:] Can the B B C afford these phone calls?
[James Whale:] I don't think so no I don't think so at all that's why they don't call anybody back.
[Rita:] Oh well you can call me back.
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER] Erm oh hang on just a minute can you hang on there?
[Rita:] Yeah Well hubby's waiting
[James Whale:] I'll I'll get to you in a minute.
[Rita:] for his lunch but it doesn't really matter.
[James Whale:] No stuff that who cares? Er
[Rita:] hungry.
[James Whale:] He well so am I. Actually I was hoping someone's going to bring in some er some some Nouveau Beaujolais Nouveau cos a new one came out on Thursday. Is there nobody round here listening that can erm that could bring in some Beaujolais Nouv no no little Off Licence that will do this free publicity on the B B C to come in a say, Look I'm an odd bin or something like that?
[Rita:] I I thought the B B C I thought the B B C couldn't advertise then?
[James Whale:] No the B B C can't.
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER] But you can?
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER] Well.
[Rita:] You're the exception to the rule I suppose?
[James Whale:] Yes you wait till you get severely beaten and then you say I'm very sorry I didn't mean to do that. Hang on hang on I've got Rachael from er from Guide Friday Buses. Oh golly hang on just a minute.
[Rita:] I think I think I think you've probably stirred a hornets nest up with that.
[James Whale:] Hang on just a minute. Er Rachael? Rachael?
[Rachael:] Hello.
[James Whale:] Is that you Rachael?
[Rachael:] Yes it is.
[James Whale:] God I've I've been in love with you ever since I met you all those where are you at the moment?
[Rachael:] I'm actually in the office in Tower Street over looking
[James Whale:] Are you?
[Rachael:] Clifford's Tower.
[James Whale:] Why don't you wonder over here?
[Rachael:] There isn't actually a bus in oh yes there is a bus in sight.
[James Whale:] Why don't you wonder over here and bring a bottle of wine and we'll share it over the next hour of the show.
[Rachael:] Oh I can't I've got things to do in the office, a busy company here.
[James Whale:] I never did like those open topped buses.
[Rachael:] Well unclear
[James Whale:] So I'll be back to you.
[Rachael:] at the moment I can see about half well a dozen people sat on one of the buses.
[James Whale:] Can you?
[Rachael:] Yes.
[James Whale:] No wonder there's no traffic moving out there today.
[Rachael:] There is traffic moving, it's moving quite freely apart from the cars going into the car park just behind Clifford's Tower.
[James Whale:] Is that right?
[Rachael:] That's right yeah.
[James Whale:] There's never any spaces behind Clifford's Tower so I don't know how you're just telling me fibs aren't you?
[Rachael:] Well they're all they're all queuing up to go in there so I not sure. [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] I just don't understand all these buses with the open tops it's freezing out there and all these tourists look they could walk Rachael.
[Rachael:] Well are tourists
[James Whale:] They could walk, why don't they walk?
[Rachael:] It's a seven kilometre tour. It takes an hour and a lot of people don't want to walk around the city they'd like the option of going around on the bus.
[James Whale:] What did the Minister of Health say the other day? Obesity obesity and lack of exercise. and that's what you're encouraging Rachael.
[Rachael:] Not encouraging lack of exercise we're encouraging an informative tour around the city with a qualified guide.
[James Whale:] You still got that beautiful blonde hair?
[Rachael:] [LAUGHTER] We're not on the air are we?
[James Whale:] No no no we're not on the air. Heaven forbid I wouldn't talk to you like this if we were on the air [LAUGHTER] would I []? Anyway so go on.
[Rachael:] Right.
[James Whale:] What were we talking about? So you don't mind
[Rachael:] Talking about the buses.
[James Whale:] Yeah. So I mean I think it'd great Guide Friday you run around little flag in the air, I've seen them in London and you can do that and and and people get so fit. Not that you need to be any fitter than you are.
[Rachael:] Well they are fit cos they get on and off at any of the stops they go along to the attraction that they want to do.
[James Whale:] Yeah I walk from my front door to my car as well and people say that's not enough exercise.
[Rachael:] Well the a there's the Barbican Centre for the exercise perhaps they should encourage the tourists there then.
[James Whale:] Mm... Forgetting all about [clears throat] oh dear I've got a frog when I go on the air I'll clear that. Er can you hang on a minute?
[Rachael:] Yes certainly.
[James Whale:] I just got a we commercial breaks call you back in a minute don't go away yet. Rita? Rita? Oi Rita... where's Rita gone. You cut her off well get her back on. Get her back on or she's not having this I'm sorry about that hang on just a minute block your ears I'm just going to spin round again okay hang on oops er are you their Rachael are you there?
[Rachael:] I'm here yes.
[James Whale:] Oh you are okay fine good got you. I can't open me thing here. the the er music blowing machine. There's a problem hang on. are you do you ever go in for karaoke and stuff stuff like that?
[Rachael:] No I don't.
[James Whale:] Yeah all right never mind about the photo give me your teddy I don't care about that. Er Rachael
[Rachael:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Yeah what are you doing this evening?
[Rachael:] [LAUGHTER] I'm going to Seaham this evening.
[James Whale:] Seaham who?
[Rachael:] Seaham up in er County Durham.
[James Whale:] Oh I know yeah I know Seaham yeah. What were are you doing? I thought I want it on the C Ds.
[speaker010:] Oh right sorry.
[James Whale:] I should think so. Playing with me knobs. Look hang on I've got one queu are you all right there Rachael?
[Rachael:] Hello.
[James Whale:] Do you get fed up with people saying, Are you really like that one in Coronation Street?
[Rachael:] No I don't actually cos I'm [LAUGHTER] nothing like her []. Erm
[James Whale:] You look similar.
[Rachael:] Well that's er that's a insult.
[James Whale:] It's not.
[Rachael:] It is.
[James Whale:] Yeah. I thought when we did we did that programme out to lunch in the summer and you came along and we talked all about buses and er your organization and I I I was very nice to you actually.
[Rachael:] You were very pleasant.
[James Whale:] And didn't say you know, It's flipping these tour buses in York that cos all the other people trouble because you can't get anywhere they clog the roads up.
[Rachael:] Well that's really not our problem I mean that's to do with the deregularization of er bus companies allowing any anybody to start up a bus company.
[James Whale:] Oh that's a bit political Rachael isn't it a bit political I wasn't expecting that
[Rachael:] featured the last er three years some of the other companies have only been here since last year and the year before so I mean we're a national tour operator experienced in running open topped tours around cities.
[James Whale:] Could you hang on just a minute don't go away just stay there hold on. Ah Rita.
[Rita:] Yes James.
[James Whale:] Good. Sorry about that
[Rita:] Still here.
[James Whale:] What?
[Rita:] I said I'm still here.
[James Whale:] You had to go off and make his nosh didn't you?
[Rita:] No I didn't he's in the kitchen being a very very domesticated husby and he's making own nosh.
[James Whale:] He's not is he?
[Rita:] Yeah he is oh heck I've got to get the news in haven't I that worries me. Well don't worry if you ask him nicely he might even make you a bacon sandwich.
[James Whale:] Would he? What's his name?
[Rita:] Alan.
[James Whale:] [shouting] Alan. Make us a bacon sandwich. [] What?
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Just a minute he wants to know what you said. I don't think I dare. [] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Anyway Hawaiian Wedding.
[Rita:] Song.
[James Whale:] Oh well done what a difficult competition yeah.
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER] Thank you James. []
[James Whale:] Now just could you sing it first.
[Rita:] Could I what?
[James Whale:] Sing it.
[Rita:] James you've got a licence to go on the air haven't you?
[James Whale:] Doesn't matter.
[Rita:] It does cos if I sing if I sing you
[James Whale:] The B B C have got to give everybody a fair crack of the whip.
[Rita:] Now come on James you were saying you were short on callers the few that you've got you don't want to get rid of.
[James Whale:] Yes Karen all right I'm building up to that for goodness sake.
[Rita:] Oh James no James you want some listeners I'm sorry love.
[James Whale:] What about Hound dog?
[Rita:] Hound yeah well you know that hound dog whines?
[James Whale:] Yes.
[Rita:] That's good to what I sing like.
[James Whale:] What about Don't Be do you know the words to Don't Be Cruel. Come here a minute Karen. Come here you said you do come here she's a bit of a singer is Karen.
[Rita:] I know yes I know she is.
[James Whale:] Anything to get er to be a star.
[Rita:] I've heard her at Christmas time.
[James Whale:] How come?
[Rita:] Well she I think it was Karen that did something for Children in Need last year and she sang on the air.
[James Whale:] Children in Need, people in greed.
[Rita:] No.
[James Whale:] Come here.
[Rita:] James you were once a child.
[James Whale:] I was never a child I was born bald.
[Rita:] Ooh gawd heaven help us.
[James Whale:] Hound dog Don't hound dog.
[Karen:] Hound dog.
[James Whale:] Go go on one two three four.
[Rita:] ... Woof woof.
[James Whale:] Come on Karen sing it.
[Karen:] It's undignified, karaoke it's not
[James Whale:] [singing] You ain't you ain't nothing but a []
[Karen:] Hound dog.
[James Whale:] What's the next line?
[Karen:] Crying all the time.
[James Whale:] [singing] Crying all the time []
[Karen:] You ain't nothing but a hound dog.
[James Whale:] Yes.
[Karen:] Crying all the time.
[James Whale:] That's good Okay.
[Karen:] You ain't never caught a rabbit and you ain't no friend of mine.
[James Whale:] She knew it all the time.
[Rita:] Yes she did she's good.
[James Whale:] Yeah. Okay well the only thing about this is and we're going to send this to you and er you take it out and get Rita's address.
[Karen:] Thanks.
[James Whale:] That's Okay.
[Karen:] Bye.
[James Whale:] Bye. Er it's karaoke video as well. So you do need a karaoke machine.
[Rita:] Well it's all right because my daughter's got one her music cassette thing whatever.
[James Whale:] Mm.
[Rita:] Mm so we can do it on that.
[James Whale:] Oh.
[Rita:] And have a good laugh and think of you.
[James Whale:] I think I might ring Nina I've just found her home phone number in my book.
[Rita:] Have you.
[James Whale:] Yeah.
[Rita:] Why do you want to ring her, James.
[James Whale:] I don't know I just thought about it be quite funny.
[Rita:] I thought you were ring James er Bowen.
[James Whale:] Jim Bowen I am I am I've got a number I'm going to ring him in minute.
[Rita:] You are?
[James Whale:] Yeah. Okay go and make me a bacon sandwich
[Rita:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] and I'll see you later.
[Rita:] Okay then.
[James Whale:] All right darling it's been lovely.
[Rita:] I bet you can't find to come and pick it up.
[James Whale:] No I can't.
[Rita:] No.
[James Whale:] Oh [drawn out] See you later.
[Rita:] Bye James.
[James Whale:] Bye bye. Okay let's er let's go back where are you Rachael?
[Rachael:] Hello I'm in Tower Street.
[James Whale:] I know you're in Tower Street I'm just being facetious really.
[Rachael:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Any way [clears throat]. Hound dog can you do Hound Dog no don't don't be cruel how does that go?
[Rachael:] Sorry?
[James Whale:] Sing Don't be cruel.
[Rachael:] I'm not singing at all.
[James Whale:] Why not?
[Rachael:] Because I can't sing.
[James Whale:] Oh hang on the ex-directory number's ringing. That's the boss he'll be complaining. So there's no chance of getting rid of all these coaches and getting people to walk round the er the guided tours and stuff like that?
[Rachael:] Er well that would defeat the whole object of offering the open topped tours if people were actually walking.
[James Whale:] Well it would defeat you making a few bob.
[Rachael:] There is actually there is actually walking tours around the city for those people who wish to opt for
[James Whale:] Mm.
[Rachael:] for a walking tour. So there is the option of doing both the walking tour or the bus tour.
[James Whale:] Okay hang on just a minute. Er Danny? He's the bo he's what they call the editor of the programme.
[Rachael:] Right.
[James Whale:] Okay just in case you're wondering who I'm talking t [shouting] Danny anything else you want me to ask her? [] He cos he are you sure we've done this erm everything all right? Okay right sing along with me Rachael. Are you ready?
[Rachael:] I'm not singing.
[James Whale:] You're not singing. You're not singing?
[Rachael:] [LAUGHTER] No. []
[speaker001:] Hooray.
[James Whale:] Oh no I didn't. [music] Oh here we go. I want you to sing along with this it's very good you'll enjoy this all right. Everybody at home join in as well here we go. [music] [singing] Robin Hood riding through the glen. [] Rachael?
[Rachael:] Hello.
[James Whale:] Come on. Sing
[Rachael:] I'm not singing honestly.
[James Whale:] Show that this guide
[Rachael:] I can't sing I'd embarrass myself.
[James Whale:] Yeah but nobody can sing
[Rachael:] I deter anybody who'd every wanted to get on one of the [LAUGHTER] buses [].
[James Whale:] No you wouldn't they'll all come on and say where's that girl that sings Robin Hood.
[Rachael:] I don't think they would. [music]
[James Whale:] Are you not going to do this?
[Rachael:] I'm not I'm sorry I'm not singing.
[James Whale:] Are you not? Okay right do a little dance for me go on.
[Rachael:] I've got people in the office, I can't dance.
[James Whale:] You've got people in the office?
[Rachael:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Customers?
[Rachael:] Er got two guides, a guide and a driver to tell you the truth.
[James Whale:] Okay could you let me talk to the driver?
[Rachael:] Yes certainly.
[James Whale:] Put the driver on I want to talk to the driver. [singing] Robin Hood Robin [] I like that it's great. Haven't got another record queued up.
[speaker001:] Hello.
[James Whale:] Hi who are you?
[speaker001:] Julie.
[James Whale:] Are you a driver?
[speaker001:] Don't sound so surprised, that's really sexist.
[James Whale:] Why?
[speaker001:] The way you said that.... Just because I'm a female.
[James Whale:] I didn't say that. I just said are you a driver?
[speaker001:] Yeah I am.
[James Whale:] Oh I mean you just sound so young to be a driver that's what I was going to say.
[speaker001:] Well I am.
[James Whale:] You are young?
[speaker001:] I am.
[James Whale:] You are young.
[speaker001:] I am.
[James Whale:] Yes you are young.
[speaker001:] Yes.
[James Whale:] Yeah. You are also a woman.
[speaker001:] I am yes.
[James Whale:] Yeah yeah yes yeah. You're not that blonde one I've noticed driving around and nearly swerved to have a better look at the other day are you?
[speaker001:] Well no that just might have been Rachael you were just been talking to.
[James Whale:] No she does she says she she wouldn't be allowed to drive she says scatter brain you wouldn't let her drive would you?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER].
[James Whale:] Mm?
[speaker001:] No I can't say anything can I?
[James Whale:] Is she your boss?
[speaker001:] Sort of yes.
[James Whale:] Do you get well paid for this job?
[speaker001:] No.
[James Whale:] You don't well you don't deserve to get well paid because
[speaker001:] Not for all the hassle we get.
[James Whale:] for all the time that we have to sit behind you when we're trying to drive around blowing our horns going [shouting] get out the way [].
[speaker001:] Well ninety per cent of the time you shouldn't be where we are cos it's no cars.
[James Whale:] Absolute rubbish.
[speaker001:] Unless you're a taxi.
[James Whale:] Don't they know who I am? What do you mean I shouldn't be there?
[speaker001:] Oh I'm really sorry. What sort of car do you drive round in?
[James Whale:] What would you think I drive round in?
[speaker001:] I'll I'll make a point in looking out for ya.
[James Whale:] I've got I've got a huge a huge turbo Bentley with a great big whale stuck on the front.
[speaker001:] Oh right.
[James Whale:] And Andy written down the back if you want to scratch it.
[speaker001:] Oh well no I won't do that I'll just drive round at five mile an hour in front of ya.
[James Whale:] You do that anyway.
[speaker001:] Oh no no be fair it's fifteen usually.
[James Whale:] Is it? Er all these people gawping at everything. I if I was a building the last thing I would want would be people gawping at me.
[speaker001:] Well where does all the revenue come from into York?
[James Whale:] Int I don well not from you lot does it?
[speaker001:] No but it comes from the tourists that come on our bus.
[James Whale:] Does it?
[speaker001:] Oh ho yes.
[James Whale:] Oh there you're being serious with me now. I've just
[speaker001:] Me?
[James Whale:] I've just got to find a record here hang on. I I've got okay. Er right. It's probably news time fairly soon.
[speaker001:] Probably.
[James Whale:] Yeah I when are you dri are you driving this afternoon?
[speaker001:] I am.
[James Whale:] Is this sort of you know yes no interlude here? [stomach rumble] [LAUGHTER] Was that you? []
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] No it wasn't. []
[James Whale:] That was you.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] You want to get yourself some dinner.
[James Whale:] I know I'm so they they eat you see they've eaten fish and chips and it goes through the air conditioning and it comes into the studio you all you can smell is fish and chips.
[speaker001:] And is makes your stomach rumble.
[James Whale:] It does.
[speaker001:] That is sad.
[James Whale:] Okay.
[speaker001:] That is so sad.
[James Whale:] All right.
[speaker001:] We all feel sorry for you.
[James Whale:] I'm going now.
[speaker001:] Are you?
[James Whale:] I've got to go listen it's been lovely t talk to talk talking to you if you could pop in with a bottle of I wanted to try the new Beaujo If anybody's got it and they come over, just ring the ring the door bell. I'll go to blue hang on I'll just go to blue hang on a minute there don't go away. Hello? Hello blue. Hello. Alan. Yes. Alan. That's him yes. My fan at B B C headquarters. That's right yes. Oh I see Karen's fan. Well yes I well I like to think I'm a fan everybody's fan. You do? Yes. Yes well we all like to live in little dream worlds don't we? Yes. Listen I I'm going to come back and talk to you in more lengths Yes. after the news. Forward to it James. What? I look forward to it. Oh you look forward to it yes I'm I'm good I'm glad about that. Have you got the er have you got the wine there or not? Yes of course. Well why don't you bring it over here? Well we can't I'm afraid we're always too drunk to drive. You're too dru it's [LAUGHTER] one o'clock in the afternoon [] you can't be drunk. Well we are we've got all this wine to ship. I thought you might like to send somebody over in the van and pick a bottle or two up and you can have a party in the studio after your show. You do sound a bit per per per erm ber ber paralysed slightly don't you? Yeah okay we'll come back and talk to you in a moment don't go away. Okay. And er we'll send somebody over to [clears throat] well maybe who knows. Er right Mary Whitehouse to come we'll be talking about sex and the Buddha of Suburbia and er whatever else sort of takes her fancy and we are going to liven up the traffic I think at er round about one twenty five and find out what's happening there. Now do I do it over the music across the north I do it over the music Okay right here we go [clears throat]. Across North Yorkshire and around the world this is Radio York from the B B C.
[Alan:] Health workers from North Yorkshire join a day of action in London to protest at the Government's health policies. Almost eighty people have been killed in a toy factory fire in China and site workers from Middlebrook Mushrooms marched through Selby to mark the first anniversary of their dispute. B B C news at one o'clock I'm Claire Frisby. [jingle] Thousands of health workers are marching through the centre of London in protest at the Government's health reforms. Later they will hold a rally in Trafalgar Square. Stuart Flinders has this report.
[speaker004:] Coaches and specially chartered trains brought the protesters from Scotland Yorkshire and all parts [tape change]
[Alan:] Locally moderate on the Wolds and the Pennines but some heavy falls on the North York Moors and the northern Pennine hills. It's going to be cold today with maximum temperatures only four degrees celsius but six degrees celsius on the coast. B B C news and weather for North Yorkshire at five past one.
[James Whale:] B B C Radio York. We're here until two and erm now look oh yes Alan can you hang your phone up Alan we'll call you back sorry about that. O nine O four six four one six four one. Stuart how's it going?
[speaker004:] Fabulously.
[James Whale:] All those women you've got out there.... Yes you do.
[speaker004:] No I don't.
[James Whale:] You're trying very hard with.
[speaker004:] they don't belong to me either of them.
[James Whale:] Don't they?
[speaker004:] No
[James Whale:] Just send one of them in here and then I'll see if I can er I don't mind really I'll see if I can which one would like me to chat up for you I suppose really that's basically it. All right I'll try for you I'll try for you I'll see if I can O nine O four six four one six four one. Is there enough sex on television? Er and should we ban the tour buses from the centre of York or anything else you want to talk about give us a call now. We could do with a call anybody there anyone's near a phone just pick it up and ring me all right just ring now I'll give erm we'll give a million pounds to the first caller fingers crossed. [music] Okay you're absolutely right er we did play that at the beginning of the programme we had a little trouble with our C D what happened there Stuart it went off the air didn't it?... Oh I see I see so you plugged it in? Oh that's good if I if I kick the er if I kick the erm plug myself I could have plugged it back in. Oh good well I must remember that next time it's always good to know how to do these technical things. I didn't think you wanted to be bored by that again and Alan's back on there so er where are you there you are right. Am I ah sorry am I Alan ah yes I'm sorry yes I who do you want to be that's the thing who do you want to be? For a moment but no Yeah. My friend Mike with the big house hasn't phoned in yet has he either he usually phones in the last part of the programme. Yeah he's probably drinking his Beaujolais now I should think. You think so? Yeah. Yeah he's a very you know it's funny I know it's the worst time to do a phone in actually because people are doing other oh I've got me foot caught in the whatsit but erm I thought I thought we'd get loads of people on saying I'd been very rude saying that this was er er er nation of animal haters and abusers. Erm are you talking to Perhaps they didn't understand what I meant. me James? What? Are you talking to me? I don't mind really it's er er you know six of one I thought you might be talking to somebody else in the studio. No no I thou I'll I'll talk to you if you want. All right I've just been making some notes here. Yes? Erm just just recap you don't mind if I take note while your talking do you? No I'll go and talk to the wall. Ah [LAUGHTER] ah no Who are those people back to dogs that in North Korea you know they don't just last till Christmas unclear No the keep A family of four will make them last right through to the new year. [LAUGHTER] They do I mean they have to because meat's rationed in North Korea you know. You're absolutely right you're absolutely right and and I think That's that's nonsense about Hawaii You melt the bones down into stock. The at Hawaiian What? weddings. Coy? Have you ever been to one? A Hawaiian wedding? Yes. No I haven't been a Hawaiian wedding. Well they pie [pronounced poy] it's awful. Oh pie. Pie. I thought you said coy you know. Yeah. Like apple pie or rhubarb pie. Apple pie? Erm. You know apple pie. I'm just looking Chocolate pie. This er Sorry we're being a bit this is too too surreal for the B B C you're going to get on the line. They don't understand. Hang on just a minute don't go away I want you back stay there Alan. All right? Are you listening to me? Yes I am I'm all ears. Stay sit stay. They call be Clark Gable go on. [clears throat]. Jim?
[Karen:] Hello.
[James Whale:] Hi how's Pickering? Have you got any snow?
[Karen:] Not yet.
[James Whale:] No?
[Karen:] promised some.
[James Whale:] You're promised some?
[Karen:] promised some this year.
[James Whale:] Oh gosh not too much I hope.
[Karen:] er Sunday yes tomorrow. Going to be er quite a a lot on the Moors so they reckon.
[James Whale:] Well I'm going to keep off the Moors then.
[Karen:] [LAUGHTER] I don't blame you.
[James Whale:] I'm not going anywhere near the Moors.
[Karen:] Australia soon.
[James Whale:] Australia?
[Karen:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Who?
[Karen:] Me.
[James Whale:] What for?
[Karen:] Well I'm going for the winter.
[James Whale:] You're going to you're flying south for the winter?
[Karen:] I am yep.
[James Whale:] That's quite nice actually.
[Karen:] I'm going to get away from it all.
[James Whale:] I wish I was doing that to be honest with you.
[Karen:] I think everybody should [LAUGHTER]. That's my attitude you know anybody who who can go go.
[James Whale:] Do you know I was in Birmingham yesterday.
[Karen:] Was you?
[James Whale:] Yeah I was in Birmingham yesterday there's a call believe it or not there's an actual person ringing in.
[Karen:] That's right.
[James Whale:] Sorry I was in Birmingham and I went you know where the er repertory theatre is?
[Karen:] Yep.
[James Whale:] Cross the road from Central.
[Karen:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] And if you go round the back through the I C erm whatever it is the I C A.
[Karen:] Yep.
[James Whale:] All the canals have been done it's wonderful.
[Karen:] Oh so they've told me. Yeah I haven't been behind there lately.
[James Whale:] Do you know that Birmingham have more cana has more canals than Venice?
[Karen:] Yes that's right. Well I went to Venice er some years ago and I thought it was a dirty hole.
[James Whale:] Did you?
[Karen:] Oh I did I I mean I didn't do round where the er sightseers went I went the places where you're not supposed to see.
[James Whale:] Aha.
[Karen:] You know?
[James Whale:] You disgu I do that hang on just a minute don't go away. Alan? Yes hello James. You're there are you? Yes yes. Oh good good. Meet meet er meet Jim from er Pickering. Hello Jim [clears throat] are you from Birmingham?
[Karen:] Yes.
[James Whale:] You from Brum?
[Karen:] I am yes.
[James Whale:] Oh. I can't do that it feeds back that's a shame isn't it. You're from where?
[Karen:] South Yardley.
[James Whale:] Oh South Yar you know that do you Alan, South Yardley? I I've passed through there. You have. Is it a nice place? Er well. Okay say no more Alan say no more. [LAUGHTER] No wonder you moved to Pickering. Er yes yes. Hang on just a minute just a minute just a minute Jim.
[Karen:] Go on.
[James Whale:] Watch him wa I'm talking to the lady next door be careful of him he's he's Stuart that's Stuart yeah very careful of him.
[Karen:] Right.
[James Whale:] No not you.
[Karen:] Oh.
[James Whale:] The the young lady next door.
[Karen:] Oh I get ya.
[James Whale:] You know you know put your phone down. I don't know why but just put it down. Anyway Jim so you're off to Australia?
[Karen:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Yeah. Where?
[Karen:] Er Melbourne.
[James Whale:] Melbourne.
[Karen:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Have you been there before?
[Karen:] No no. I've got relations in Melbourne,al also in New South Wales.
[James Whale:] How much does it cost to go over there?
[Karen:] Thousands.
[James Whale:] Really?
[Karen:] Quantas.
[James Whale:] It is Quantas a lot yes.
[Karen:] Yep. Yep. Well when you figure if out I mean it's return isn't it?
[James Whale:] Yeah what the hell you and me it's nothing is it I mean you know that's it eh?
[Karen:] The thing is you only do this probably once in a life time.
[James Whale:] You're right.
[Karen:] And er you know you you save your money and you take your pick that's that's how I look at it.
[James Whale:] Well you have a good time.
[Karen:] Thanks.
[James Whale:] They said there's some good restaurants in Melbourne.
[Karen:] Yep.
[James Whale:] I've not been but they say there are.
[Karen:] Yes.
[James Whale:] All right. Okay Jim.
[Karen:] Okay then.
[James Whale:] Bye.
[Karen:] Ta-ta.
[James Whale:] Yes that was good I enjoyed that. Michael.
[Danny Savage:] Hi James.
[James Whale:] How's the house?
[Danny Savage:] Erm warmer.
[James Whale:] Is it?
[Danny Savage:] Yeah a lot warmer.
[James Whale:] Oh good good.
[Danny Savage:] .
[James Whale:] Yeah?
[Danny Savage:] It's lovely to be able to walk around in just your underpants again.
[James Whale:] Yeah but it's not so nice for people who look through the windows is it?
[Danny Savage:] Oh well no one overlooks.
[James Whale:] Don't they?
[Danny Savage:] No no no nobody. Not yet anyway.
[James Whale:] Oh.
[Danny Savage:] Until they get planning.
[James Whale:] I hear you're in the roller today.
[Danny Savage:] Er how did you know?
[James Whale:] Well it's just come up on my screen it says, He's in the roller.
[Danny Savage:] Oh well there you go you see I haven't got one I used to have one.
[James Whale:] You did?
[Danny Savage:] Yeah I didn't like it.
[James Whale:] No.
[Danny Savage:] I it was an old man's car.
[James Whale:] I think it is really isn't it?
[Danny Savage:] What do you drive?
[James Whale:] I don't, I have a chauffeur.
[Danny Savage:] What does he drive?
[James Whale:] Erm anything he can get his hands on.
[Danny Savage:] Oh really.
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER].
[Danny Savage:] That's Sidney isn't it?
[James Whale:] Sidney the chauffeur yes you know Sidney.
[Danny Savage:] How is he then?
[James Whale:] Yeah he's ve well funnily he's er sit sitting over there I told him off when we came in he was driving too fast.
[Danny Savage:] Oh well there you go. Tell me how did you do with the young girl last week? Did you actually er
[James Whale:] No.
[Danny Savage:] No.
[James Whale:] No not at all not at all. It's too early it's to early in the afternoon for me really.
[Danny Savage:] Right right did you take her out on the evening?
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER] No no no no no no [] no.
[Danny Savage:] Well where did you go on the evening anyway?
[James Whale:] Where did I go?
[Danny Savage:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] Where did you go on the evening?
[Danny Savage:] Er we went out for dinner actually with some
[James Whale:] Did you?
[Danny Savage:] friends.
[James Whale:] You didn't invite us did you?
[Danny Savage:] I was going to do.
[James Whale:] Karen and I were waiting here nobody invi we sat in all night and watched T V actually.
[Danny Savage:] I could have done but I was a little bit worried about your table manners.
[James Whale:] Well I don't have any table manners.
[Danny Savage:] Well that's what I mean I was a
[James Whale:] You know.
[Danny Savage:] little bit worried.
[James Whale:] I think tables with manners are ridiculous.
[Danny Savage:] Oh absolutely.
[James Whale:] Yeah.
[Danny Savage:] I just bought a new table this week.
[James Whale:] You haven't.
[Danny Savage:] Yeah absolutely.
[James Whale:] We get you're getting quite a big celebrity on this programme people want to know you know whether they can come round and have a guided tour round the house and stuff like that.
[Danny Savage:] It won't be long it will be ready in the not too
[James Whale:] It will?
[Danny Savage:] distant future.
[James Whale:] Yeah.
[Danny Savage:] Er as long everybody keeps to plan. I don't have you ever had er extensive renovations to your property?
[James Whale:] No I've always been perfectly healthy.
[Danny Savage:] You have. Well someone told me you were thinking about it.
[James Whale:] Did they?
[Danny Savage:] Yes.
[James Whale:] No.
[Danny Savage:] No?
[James Whale:] No.
[Danny Savage:] Are you happy with the bags under your eyes?
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER] Aha []. Just put your head down there will you just put it down there. [bang] Great.
[Danny Savage:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Erm anyway listen you have you got the Beaujolais Nouveau?
[Danny Savage:] No I wouldn't drink such rubbish.
[James Whale:] Oh I'm just trying to get someone to
[Danny Savage:] Okay I actually went to a Beaujolais Nouveau evening the other evening and someone offered me a glass I said, Don't be so bloody insulting who do you think I am. Do you think I was pompous?
[James Whale:] It is really.
[Danny Savage:] Well
[James Whale:] But then tha I would expect nothing less from you.
[Danny Savage:] Well absolutely.
[James Whale:] You know. Pomposity and you go hand in hand I mean and if not people wouldn't love you as they do.
[Danny Savage:] Absolute did you go out last night?
[James Whale:] No. I I was in Birmingham.
[Danny Savage:] Oh how did it go?
[James Whale:] Oh it was good.
[Danny Savage:] Good.
[James Whale:] yeah it was good. Can you
[Danny Savage:] I went out last night.
[James Whale:] Can you hang on just a minute got to take a quick break don't go away just a minute.
[Noel:] We'll be meeting Jane Goldman who's published a survivor's guide to being thirteen something. Just four years out of her teens herself she's packed a whole lot into her life already. Author journalist mother and wife of Jonathan Ross. If you take pain killers regularly you like thousands of others have probably been worried after hearing what's happening to Michael Jackson. Don't be, we have reassuring news from one the county's experts in pain management. We're off to Scarborough to see the bakery busy preparing edible Pudsey Bears especially for Children in Need only just over a week away now and Jill Pattenden our woman's health expert is in we'll be talking about cervical smear tests and Jill can help you with period problems pregnancy child birth menopause contraception do ring us from eleven.
[James Whale:] Ah that's good that's great.
[Danny Savage:] That was very interesting.
[James Whale:] That's nice.
[Danny Savage:] Very interes I
[James Whale:] And that
[Danny Savage:] Michael Jackson's son you know.
[James Whale:] Are you?
[Danny Savage:] Yeah I'm a bit too old for him now but er you understand.
[James Whale:] But that was er if you didn't hear the mid morning show last week that's what you missed.
[Danny Savage:] Oh right.
[James Whale:] Cos that was last week's mid morning show trail and I don't I don't see any point in playing what's happening next week.
[Danny Savage:] That's right absolutely.
[James Whale:] Because you know it may
[Danny Savage:] night anyway.
[James Whale:] Sorry?
[Danny Savage:] I was going to tell you about last night.
[James Whale:] Oh yeah go on then.
[Danny Savage:] Yeah I went out I go out every Friday with the boys I don't er old habits die hard.
[James Whale:] Really?
[Danny Savage:] Yeah absolutely. Old friends from many years ago they probably wouldn't call me a friend but I am saying that er very er
[James Whale:] How long do you think you can talk for?
[Karen:] Oh hours hours.
[James Whale:] I wonder if I can go to the er little boy's room at the end of the corridor while you're
[Danny Savage:] Well go off you're okay es
[James Whale:] Okay
[Danny Savage:] especially as there's a monetary incentive. I tell you why don't you invite me on the show or would you feel a bit overawed?... Are you there?... Hello I think he's gone and I assume we're still not on the air. But for those who are still listening I'm still here....
[James Whale:] Ah right oh okay how did you manage?
[Danny Savage:] on and off so probably managed very badly. What I was going to say
[James Whale:] Oh dear me sorry thanks Mike phew.
[Danny Savage:] Why don't you invite me on the show unless you feel you mi you may be overawed in my company?
[James Whale:] Well I maybe in a couple of weeks we might but I mean we like to keep it going and then because when it's when you come on the show you'd be such a be such a terrific let down
[Danny Savage:] I want a bit of face to face something more interesting this is er getting a little bit tedious.
[James Whale:] Is it?
[Danny Savage:] Ah.
[James Whale:] Okay easily solved. Ah anyway if you want to call us O nine O four six four one six four one O nine O four six four one six four one give us a ring now. [music] Billy Joel this is what we're going to play and er traffic is coming up to let you know the state of play on the roads it's pretty awful out there today. You're listening to B B C Radio York. [music] Soul to soul Billy Joel this is the B B C from North Yorkshire. And Whale is on till two we've got Mary Whitehouse not not the experience the person. Erm we've got bare naked ladies and erm traffic and travel traffic and travel do up traffic and travel and all sorts of stuff er so I want a I want a call from anybody whose never done it before. I want somebody whose sitting there listening to the radio sort of er just relaxed and I I just want you to pick up the phone and ring. Don't have to talk about an just a good chat you know just [sniff] I don't want to I don't want to talk about good people or all about that I don't want to talk about that I want to talk I want to talk to that person out there who will feel now that it is them that I am I am appealing to I am appealing I now. It is them that I am appealing to somebody because of the erm the the th thought transference that I am using is feeling now compelled to pick up the phone O nine O four six four one six four one. Yeah right [sniff].... That's it yes ah I'm connected with you... I am on a cerebral plane connected with you... our brains our interlinked... you reach down you pick up the phone and you ring now. O nine O four six four one six four one pick it up ring now and we'll talk after this. There's the call it's coming in I knew it would work in fact we'll talk straight away now just come straight through to me O nine O four six four one six four one and there's another one there so just pick up the phone and hear as we sit and talk and chew the fat and stuff like that hello?
[Rita:] Hello.
[James Whale:] Who's that?
[Rita:] Marjorie.
[James Whale:] Marjorie.
[Rita:] I'm just ringing up to say you helped me along with my ironing great.
[James Whale:] Oh God Marjorie.
[Rita:] the first time really had a good laugh.
[James Whale:] Marjorie ironing on a Saturday.
[Rita:] .
[James Whale:] What what have you got tell me what you've been ironing Marjorie I want to know what what sort of things?
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Tell me come on tell me tell me.
[Rita:] Oh just sheets and pillow cases and
[James Whale:] No no no.
[Rita:] and things like that.
[James Whale:] And the and the little unmentionables you don't want to tell me about.
[Rita:] They're not so little.
[James Whale:] Aren't they?
[Rita:] [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Oh dear. Perhaps you could play along and pretend they were you know that would have been good you could pretend that you were sort of erm I I erm er er Christie Brinkley.
[Rita:] Mm very good.
[James Whale:] You know could you pretend to be Christie Brinkley?
[Rita:] Listen I just rang up to say, I don't really want to talk to you.
[James Whale:] Oh no but you had to because you felt that sort of there there was that bit between you and me wasn't there? That we just connected on a kind of mental plane.
[Rita:] Well it was the bald head business. [LAUGHTER]
[James Whale:] Listen there are a lot of women find the bald head syndrome very attractive.
[Rita:] Oh yes definitely.
[James Whale:] I was born with no hair. I was born wi I never had much hair. In fact I need a hair cut at the moment.
[Rita:] Okay then.
[James Whale:] Are you going now?
[Rita:] Cheerio.
[James Whale:] Go and sit down bye bye.
[Rita:] Bye.
[James Whale:] Bye right are you ready for traffic and travel?
[Rachael:] act constructively when
[James Whale:] Oh hang on that's the wrong one hand on that's it okay. Er you ready for traffic and tra I cou what I could do here is wonderful being on B B C cos you can go like this and say this is radio two
[Rachael:] And yes I can see
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER] I can do this I can go radio four
[Rachael:] Something should be done.
[James Whale:] I do think so something should always be done. Or I can say are you ready for traffic and travel?
[speaker010:] Mhm.
[James Whale:] Are you sure? You don't sound very sure to me. Who is it on traffic and travel? Hello? Gary whatsit. Gary? Hello. Are you ready just a quick test.
[speaker010:] I am I'm ready yes I'm fine.
[James Whale:] Could you make sure you do this really quite fine because I'm I'm we're doing an air check on this bit
[speaker010:] Okay yes sure.
[James Whale:] and it's going for an audition tape for er for radio one okay?
[speaker010:] Okay fine yeah.
[James Whale:] Could you do that?
[speaker010:] Absolutely.
[James Whale:] Get right down there and make it er we've got a record playing in a moment make it er make it sort of fairly butch fairly butch okay?
[speaker010:] Okay.
[James Whale:] Okay and when you do the out er the out thing
[speaker010:] Yeah?
[James Whale:] How does that go?
[speaker010:] Erm it goes Gary Shaw A A Roadwatch.
[James Whale:] Gary could you do it? Gary Shaw A A Roadwatch.
[speaker010:] Just like that.
[James Whale:] Yeah okay I'll go and put the thing so I could be with you in a minute. Okay er right it's one twenty seven B B C Radio York the station that's first for travel. Oh hang on a minute er don't don't go just yet don't go just yet all right? I'll just I wasn't first for travel. [jingle]
[speaker010:] Okay on the er A one area that's the er Bedale area, the earlier north bound lane closures have been lifted and the Leeming area the inside lane of the southbound carriageway's closed at Holby Grange for emergency gas repair works and delays are likely as a result. In York, travel near the
[James Whale:] butch very butch
[speaker010:] Knavesmire could be slow due to an event taking place and York City are playing Barnet at Bootham Crescent today so traffic will be fairly busy around that area. In Selby a demonstration is taking place this afternoon, it starts at one thirty and will go via Barlby Road and Scott Road and some traffic delays are likely. And finally in the Ripon area weekend roadworks mean the Road will be closed as it passes under the A one bridge and delays are likely. Gary Shaw A A Roadwatch.
[James Whale:] [LAUGHTER] Do it again I like the bit do your name check at the end go on.
[speaker010:] Are you sure?
[James Whale:] Yeah go on.
[speaker010:] Gary Shaw A A Roadwatch.
[James Whale:] Yeah. [music] [LAUGHTER] Okay [] What on earth does that mean? Looking at the railways I wouldn't go anywhere near the station though I might oh hang on I mean what does that all mean? Isn't this better for tra wouldn't you take more wouldn't you take more notice of the [LAUGHTER] traffic and travel [] if it was like this [LAUGHTER] every time []? Okay er the thirteen twenty five erm [LAUGHTER] when it looks like they all went early []. It's the thirteen twenty five to Manchester Victoria left at thirteen O five. [music] I need somebody to come in here and explain this. I think it is broken because it says also er Manchester to er I know it's expensive on British Rail but it says one thousand three hundred and five pounds up there. I'd phone the railway station if I were you I would phone it okay. That's okay that's traffic and travel's all right everything's snowing out there. [sighing] Ah right John [] hello. John? Oh hang on you're not on there. You're on er red which is what number was red by the way can we remember what number red was? Okay right John hello... [shouting] John []... Er he connected well he hasn't connected on my well get him get him back get him back we'll connect [shouting] hang up John put your phone down []... What? Put your phone down and we'll sort it out. Right. Okay well that was exciting wasn't I really enjoyed that and what can we do next? [sniff] shall I? Okay this is good you'll enjoy this. That's not me by the way in case you thought I was phoning myself it's not me. And that's disgusting on radio this time of the day heavy breathing. [heavy breathing] Are we all doing this at home?
[speaker001:] Emergency which service do you require?
[James Whale:] [music] Hello folks this is Dr Rock I hope you're going to join me every Sunday lunch time from twelve till two on B B C Radio York and yet yourself plugged into the cosmic line cos we're going to have lots of fun. We've got a Hollywood spot a comedy spot lots of raving rock and roll lots of incredible yarns so be there be square ooh ee. [music] Rock rock with Dr Rock [music] ooh keep taking the tablets. [music] I love that do you know he's a mean man with a verruca that guy as well. I wonder how many people know that he's a chiropodist sh sh chiropodist great. Can we get him on the phone and talk feet? Cos I have got a verruca the si anyway that's a problem that I have I don't really want to share it with you. John hello.
[Alan:] Good afternoon James.
[James Whale:] Good afternoon. Did we connect?
[Alan:] I do believe we do.
[James Whale:] Shall we try I tell you what we could try now we could try connecting with somebody else. You and somebody out there.
[Alan:] Ooh yes good idea.
[James Whale:] It's quite fun isn't where are you?
[Alan:] In Ripon.
[James Whale:] Hard luck.
[Alan:] [LAUGHTER]. There's far worse places James.
[James Whale:] What?
[Alan:] There's far worse places.
[James Whale:] Can you think of one off the top of your head very quickly?
[Alan:] Ooh.
[James Whale:] No you see you can't.
[Alan:] Consett.
[James Whale:] Yeah every time I get me take-away curry from Ripon I park outside the house that's somebody comes and he says [shouting] you can't park there [].
[Alan:] Oh yes.
[James Whale:] It's not you is it?
[Alan:] No it isn't no.
[James Whale:] Threaten to smack him next time.
[Alan:] Definitely not no not me.
[James Whale:] No? There's nowhere to park in Ripon.
[Alan:] Not a lot.
[James Whale:] Is there?
[Alan:] No no there isn't it's dreadful.
[James Whale:] I think they should make the whole place a a pedestrian precinct.
[Alan:] Good idea.
[James Whale:] Yeah.
[Alan:] Yes. Not much good for the traders though.
[James Whale:] No.
[Alan:] Not really.
[James Whale:] There's not many people in there spending any money is there?
[Alan:] It's absolutely dead.
[James Whale:] You get all those those yobbos sitting around the sort of er the you know.
[Alan:] Absolutely.
[James Whale:] Every time you go through there haven't they got homes to go to?
[Alan:] Well.
[James Whale:] Why aren't they chained up somewhere?
[Alan:] That's right.
[James Whale:] Oh that's what I think. I mean listen I'm the first person to talk in in support of body piercing I look I have parts of my body pierced I like it but I don't think standing around the street corners sort of revealing it is a nice thing to do.
[Alan:] Especially this weather James.
[James Whale:] Exactly.
[Alan:] Yes.
[James Whale:] Exactly actually on a on a point on body piercing for people who haven't had anything pierced and you should everybody should have if you go and have it done during the cold weather it's better.
[Alan:] Oh.
[James Whale:] It makes a better cut.
[Alan:] [LAUGHTER] Right. []
[James Whale:] Did you know that?
[Alan:] No I didn't no.
[James Whale:] Mm.
[Alan:] Not really into it James that.
[James Whale:] Has anybody connected with John from Ripon yet? Has any he's in a shop. Have you are you in a shop?
[Alan:] I am.
[James Whale:] What sort of shop?
[Alan:] An auto discount shop.
[James Whale:] Oh I know the one yeah.
[Alan:] Yep.
[James Whale:] That's where people who've got crap cars go and try and get bits to stick them together. Crap is an okay word it's all right crap is not ru rude. I've heard people on er
[Alan:] Pretty Close.
[James Whale:] Yeah.
[Alan:] No er
[James Whale:] When you sell those things like that that that bonding tape that you use to put over holes and and they can get into the M O T.
[Alan:] Yes glue you know that stuff.
[James Whale:] Yeah yeah.
[Alan:] Yes. No one of the reasons I was ringing er I have actually er tried the old Beauj'this year.
[James Whale:] You've tried what?
[Alan:] The Beauj'Nouveau.
[James Whale:] Oh I see I thought you were talking about toxophily for a minute.
[Alan:] [LAUGHTER] I tried it on Thursday actually at my local and this year it's er very pleasant.
[James Whale:] Really? Well somebody else told me that I mean er er the wine connoisseurs say who would drink that stuff you can't drink red wine.
[Alan:] I mean a lot a lot of years it's quite iffy but this year it's not too bad at all.
[James Whale:] It's not?
[Alan:] Not bad at all.
[James Whale:] Well I I I'm waiting I I imagined that somebody would be rushing down here with a bottle for me.
[Alan:] Well
[James Whale:] They might well have done of course they might have refused it's the B B C they say you can't have a bottle
[Alan:] That's right yes.
[James Whale:] in the studio you can't drink that.
[Alan:] Very pleasant.
[James Whale:] Very pleasant indeed?
[Alan:] Yes.
[James Whale:] Yeah yes I was just trying to think of something to to frighten the er the the er the... is he what's white?
[Alan:] Pardon?
[James Whale:] No what number is white? Oh twenty four isn't it?
[Alan:] Oh.
[James Whale:] Can you hang on a minute? Er John?
[Alan:] Yes?
[James Whale:] I'm sorry just hang on yeah hey. [shouting] Rocky baby [] [shouting] Hi there are we on the air? [] [shouting] Yeah we're on the air how you doing? [] Hallelujah Hallelujah. [sigh] [LAUGHTER] Now what to you want to know who recorded Rock Around the Clock first where's Jerry Lee Lewis is tonight? I want to hear some of this heavy breathing man [LAUGHTER]. Oh hallelujah. [heavy breathing] Is that you? I want to know who you got to do that with?
[speaker001:] Emergency which service do you require?
[James Whale:] Ooh Not her do you like it? Very nice indeed yes. [LAUGHTER] Very very good. [LAUGHTER] Now listen. Yes. Can you come in next Saturday and take this wart off my finger? I certainly can James and I'll bring in my private surgical unit and freeze it off. Would you do that? Because I've had it for four years now and I'm you know a woman touched it the other day and she got really paranoid. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Wow. Er Well no. Could you do that then next Saturday?
[speaker001:] Yes.
[James Whale:] There's no fee just come in and do it and anybody else who wants will have a wart clinic on the air why don't we do that? Invite people with warts in. Oh only one problem I'm on Radio Merseyside next Saturday. Oh no I might be able to actually no I'll be able to come in James because I'm not on until the evening, I can call in on my way to Merseyside. Of course you can and I'll I'll I'll tell you how you can get home. What are you doing over there? I'm doing a programme with Spencer Lee. Who's that? Oh he's just Hey Do you know I mean I know you're into rock and roll but do do you like some of the Tamla Motown stuff and that sort of thing. Oh course I do. Well I was doing er er er programme in Birmingham yesterday and I I had Jimmy Ruffin on. Lovely. I mean what a character. You know who lives near Birmingham as well Edward Star. I know. Yeah. Yep. I mean these characters nobody realizes that that that in America, Motown didn't look after their stars very well. Indeed not. Just look at Michael Jackson. Well what do you know the guy that sings What Becomes of a Broken Heart I mean nobody can find him. Well I found him I know where he is I've got his personal home phone number. My God you're a thorough lad you should have your own programme James. I know I'm trying for it I'm trying for it. [LAUGHTER] Okay [shouting] be here next week []. Okay killer. Warts and all. Bye. Bye bye. That's Doctor Rock oh good I like him I really am the big fan of his. John? John in Ripon on red red's nine twenty one isn't it? Hello? What number's red I've forgotten?... Red's twenty one okay hello John? He's gone he's probably had to serve somebody. [clears throat] What I could do is play a record but er I can't remember so bear with me for a moment. Oh what's that one Bare Naked Ladies, I'd better not play that just at the moment [LAUGHTER] oh what's this one oh Billy Joel so so I'd better take that out you I'm always tempted to forget what I've actually played and what I'm not going to play. Er we're we're hoping to connect with erm Mary Whitehouse apparently she's engaged. Oh oh I thought she was married that's strange isn't it? Erm so have we got John back? Hello John? [NOISE] Oh please [LAUGHTER] oh what's on radio two again nothing? [clapping] Ah thank you that's good that's good that's enough that's enough don't want any more of that. Right [clears throat] ah can we connect again with a couple of people we we coming up there if anybody out there er is a fan of Mary Whitehouse's as I am give me a call and you know you know who I'm talking to ring now. Oh this is good what [recording giving tel-num] What? [recording giving tel-num] Yeah I know I didn't want to do that just at the moment [recording giving tel-num] Yep hand on hang on er I'm just I'm looking up again close the phone failure what that one there all right oh I was leaving that one open in case somebody rang through don't if they ring through can't they come straight on if I leave it open? Can't they do that? Oh they can in America and the green ones no there's all white there's all white and yellow. Never mind you can play the Bare Naked Lady thingummybobs and er then hopefully we go oh he's in the shop he's had a few customers we'll get back to John a bit later. Er right I need somebody out there who hasn't done this before erm let's see we've been to Ripon, been to Thirsk, erm been over to Scarborough with Dr Rock, North Allerton no I don't like North Allerton well I mean I love North Allerton no no I want to go south I want to go Tadcaster way have we anybody down there? What hang on just a minute sorry can't I can't hear you you'll have to speak up I can't hear a word... Karen lives in Tadcaster oh [sniff] oh another another another place to avoid really isn't it yes yeah. Anybody in Tadcaster who knows where Karen Smith lives and this is not my idea but it's a goody could you ring and tell us what she's got hanging out on the washing line at the moment. Is anybody there? Karen get that answer the call it's one of your neighbours now. Could anybody ring and tell us what she has got on the washing line. What's Karen got hanging on the washing line erm are we up are we up for erm the Bare Naked Ladies there I think we are. What has Karen got on her washing line it's a great game we could use it tell us what's Karen got [singing] on the washing line []? Er it's a new quiz show for radio four, what Karen what yeah whatever whatever okay. Er where did that call go? Have we got in on Karen thank you what? It's a roo it's a news room call is it? Oh okay these are the Bare Naked Ladies you will love this. [music] Oh hang on no that's no good that's The Stripper why have a got The Stripper on oh I see this is the one you want okay Bare Naked Ladies, Be My Yoko Ono. Hang on just a minute [clears throat] right here we go. [music] Mm there's the Bare Naked Ladies er they come from Canada they are a brilliant group I think they're brilliant I don't care I like them and that's called er Be My Yoko Ono I was going to go from the Bare Naked Ladies it was all planned I was going to go and say Mary Whitehouse how are you today and she was there er un unfortunately we've we called this is serious. If you live round the corner from Mary Whitehouse could you pop in and tell her that her phone is off the hook she hasn't replaced the receiver and she she's quite an elderly lady and I would would be terribly upset if if she hadn't got her phone back cos she might need it for emergencies or something like that and I am a caring concerned person so could you could you pop round the corner to Mary's house and tell her that she hasn't [clears throat] put her phone on the hook off the hook properly [sniff] could you do that?... Don't all shout at once but just could somebody go and do it right okay. Er now did we get John back or we've forgotten John now because he's in a shop serving customers in Ripon and er great take away Indian there very very good take away Indian and they did ask me this would you please play this so hang on. [music]
[speaker004:] Frisby.
[Karen:] Henry.
[speaker004:] Where are we going then?
[Karen:] Richmond Henry we're heading north on a special mission for Children in Need.
[speaker004:] Right ho Richmond it is but where is Richmond?
[Karen:] Well head north and then we'll ask. [music]
[speaker004:] This is bizarre.
[Karen:] You yes you over there in the yashmak where is Richmond.
[speaker004:] I beg your pardon.
[Karen:] He says up the A one left at Catterick. [music] Quel surprise.
[speaker004:] You yes you over there with the accordion we've got a mission, Children in Need programmed broadcasts celebrities to meet Paul Ayre Richmond.
[Karen:] No sorry can't make you out. [music] There's blues football actors and bagpipes all for Children in Need in Richmond on Friday twenty sixth November but we've got to get there first Henry.
[speaker004:] Try down these steps.
[Karen:] .
[speaker004:] Oh that sounds a bit painful.
[Karen:] You yes you on the spit where is Richmond. Oh do speak up I can't hear you.
[speaker004:] I am sorry your reply is not clear enough I'm going to have to shoot you it's for Children in Need [bang]...
[James Whale:] Next week's morning story on B B C Radio York is... dunno really I shall have to think about that have to think about that. Er now we we're trying very hard I haven't I haven't managed at this particular moment to er to contact with Mary Whitehouse we erm we haven't we haven't we will try and er [LAUGHTER] in it'll [] it'll probably happen you never know. Now anybody who er who would like to see more sex on television, better give us a ring now I suppose O nine O four six four six four one if you er if you think the er Buddha of Suburbia which is erm has really upset Mary quite considerably. If you saw it over the weekend I mean there was I think it was group sex er it was it wa was gay sex and it was all going on I mean it was all I thought it was the most exciting thing I have seen for a long time to be quite honest. O nine O four six four one six four one. [music] These are the Saw Doctors. [music] Ah lovely I saw saw them live a couple of times they appeared on T V shows as well. Those are the Saw Doctors interesting this about the Saw Doctors is one of them won the lottery in Ireland I don't they have a lottery we're go when are we going to get a national lottery that's what I want to know when are we going to get it a national next year we're going to get a national lottery that's right and one of the Saw Doctors won the national lottery and he won three quarters of a million pounds er and they haven't made much money the Saw Doctors but he won three quarters of a million pounds so that haven't worked for quite some time but they are back on the scene as I speak and er they really if if they er come to York they're certainly worth seeing. They're really brilliant very very good live and that was called er er, That's What She Said Last Night. Isn't it always the way. Now just having a little look in the paper here today and er well oh the Mary Whitehouse saga continues by the way we are absolutely determined to get her on before the end of the show we've got ten minutes left. If anybody has seen her or knows her whereabouts could you please contact B B C Radio York immediately all right? Er B T now have er are sending a tone down her phone a tone down the phone and we're hoping that might happen otherwise we're going to try and send somebody round. Have we tried to sending somebody round? She actually I have to be I've been to her house and she lives in the middle of nowhere I won't tell you where, she lives in the middle of nowhere in fact I drove past it three times before we found it. Now Britain is heading for a pre-Christmas Sunday shopping bonanza believe it or not now you heard it first here on this programme that I I predict that there will be completely deregulated Sunday trading before much long What? Through the red light again [LAUGHTER] what are you [] doing? You no discipline?
[Karen:] Shall we call Alan Turner?
[James Whale:] Alan Turner?
[Karen:] Yeah.
[James Whale:] I haven't got his number have you got it?
[Karen:] No I thought you had your book with you this week.
[James Whale:] Erm but yeah but that's one of er oh pass me pass me the thing I don't actually when I think about it it's getting nearer the time. Did you see in the papers that any anybody who lives off near Harewood House is it Harewood?
[Karen:] They were filming there this week.
[James Whale:] Yeah.
[Karen:] And we weren't allowed that on.
[James Whale:] You weren't? No because they're going to I I think actually it's quite er it's quite wrong you know really it is quite wrong isn't it?
[Karen:] What is?
[James Whale:] To to to crash a plane into Beckindale. What's the date tomorrow?
[Karen:] The twenty first.
[James Whale:] Oh that's right yeah okay. Er to crash a... er right let me just read er right er okay. [LAUGHTER] What? [] It's it's quite wrong to er ring oh oh yeah right okay.
[Karen:] To crash a plane into Beckindale.
[James Whale:] To crash a plane into Beckindale around about the anniversary of Lockerbie it isn't funny at all it's not funny and it's not clever.
[Karen:] Well what do people think about it?
[James Whale:] Well what what do you mean what do people think they're not out there they've all gone flipping Sunday shopping. Shall we call our dot dot dot his name isn't Alan Turner.
[Karen:] Well what's his name?
[James Whale:] His name is erm Richard er Thorpe which is [LAUGHTER] why am I looking under T in my book []?
[Karen:] You are.
[James Whale:] I haven't got it there I haven't got it there haven't got it there. I mean he might be listening if he's listening perhaps er perhaps Richard will ring in thank you. Er right okay.
[Karen:] I'm going now.
[James Whale:] What's that yellow light on there that shouldn't really be on [sniff] should it that one over there look.
[Karen:] That's a telephone line.
[James Whale:] Oh all right okay okay [recording ends]