[Josie:] And don't put your greasy little hands... ha? [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Oh hi Warren!
[Warren:] You alright Shel?
[Josie:] What are you doing here you cunt?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Don't call my boyfriend a cunt []!
[Josie:] That's my dad you're talking about.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] Jos.
[Josie:] Cor! Look at that bum now!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] You should relax
[Shelley:] I think you're really
[Josie:] Teacher! Teacher! Teacher!
[Shelley:] I think you're really sexy Warren!
[Josie:] Too late, he's mine.
[Shelley:] Alright, too late, he's yours. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] What are you going out with Warren?
[Josie:] Yes I am.
[Shelley:] Oh, is she going out with you?
[Josie:] Yes I am.
[speaker004:] Are you?
[Shelley:] No, say.
[Warren:] I'm only joking Shel. I've gotta like Shelley now.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Bloody idiots!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... You're so thicky!
[Shelley:] I see, it's screw me and leave me. Aha.
[Josie:] Oh like you're seeing Martin
[Shelley:] You know
[Josie:] again?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] I quite understand.
[speaker004:] Where's this bloody book!
[Josie:] Oh. Eh? Oh.
[Warren:] Urgh! Urgh! [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Oh my God!
[Shelley:] Er, er er... er er
[Josie:] It was so funny, I had this weird dream the other night, you know. I mean
[Shelley:] If it's about Take That I don't wanna hear.
[Josie:] Oh yeah. It was.
[Shelley:] No, I don't wanna hear it.
[Josie:] I got off with
[Shelley:] Oh shut up!
[Josie:] and it was nice though. It's erm, it was at the, and he was
[speaker005:] Come on! You're in here to work don't
[Shelley:] We are.
[speaker005:] I said no... no eating!
[Shelley:] Sorry miss. I'll spit it out straight away. I swear to God.
[speaker005:] Do I have to say it twice?
[Josie:] Yes.
[Shelley:] Well
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] it does help if you say it twice cos
[speaker005:] Then it's work d'ya hear?
[speaker004:] Her hearing's
[Shelley:] I got this brain problem, you know what I mean?
[speaker005:] Come on. You know what I mean?
[Shelley:] Yeah. I know what you mean.
[Warren:] Ah miss.
[Josie:] This is work though... so
[Shelley:] It isn't wo, oh yeah, I'm working by the way, you know.
[Warren:] Yeah. Yeah.
[speaker004:] She she's working on some poxy thing! So where are we supposed to get the information then, just a
[Shelley:] In fact, right now?
[speaker004:] It is work miss.
[speaker005:] Yeah, well this is exam work isn't it?
[Shelley:] Ye, no. It's not exam work.
[speaker005:] Well what's it for then?
[Shelley:] It's a special project.
[speaker005:] Oh oh.
[speaker004:] For a Norwegian college.
[Shelley:] For a Norwegian college about teenage language.
[speaker004:] Norwegian college!
[speaker005:] Is it?
[Shelley:] Yeah. And I'm recording you right now.
[speaker005:] Are you?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] Oh!
[Shelley:] Little microphone right here. It's really cute.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Where's the bin?... [humming]... [singing] Like a virgin []. Leave it alone! [humming]... [singing] It's... ooh, it's to my, ee, aye, ee aye [].
[speaker004:] What is it?
[Shelley:] Ha?
[speaker004:] What's it for?
[Shelley:] I'm gonna [LAUGHTER] tell []
[speaker004:] I thought that was Drop Dead Fred. I know. Very funny.
[Shelley:] Considering you ain't got your glasses on. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Oh oh.
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] This one, this one I might take away.
[Shelley:] [singing] Doo dee doo []. She said has Warren got a nice bum? And I said, yes. Ooh! A little Walkman. I've got two Walkmans on me right now. I've got this one and I've got this one.
[speaker004:] What about the Jungle Book? Oh I, I just love that!
[Josie:] Really?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Don't you think it is really good?
[Josie:] Nadima, shut your mouth about the Jungle Book!
[Shelley:] Mrs will probably
[Josie:] you little baby! You're fifteen years old and you still wanna watch the Jungle Book. Honestly!
[Shelley:] [singing] Ooh bay, boo boo []
[Josie:] Some people!
[Shelley:] [singing] be doo, I wanna be like you hoo hoo []!
[Josie:] Oh don't start on me you know, saying I can't there on Tuesday!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] I said nothing. I'm talking about me []!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Don't start because I'll, I'll smash
[Shelley:] I'm just in the
[Josie:] your face in!
[Shelley:] Sorry!
[speaker004:] [singing] Som, someone like me []. That's okay.
[Shelley:] Can you pass me my book back please?
[speaker004:] Okay. If she starts moaning I'm just gonna
[Josie:] What am I doing down here?
[speaker004:] bust her face in!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] And, if she starts moaning just gonna bust her face in!
[Josie:] Oh by the way I've got the
[speaker004:] I say, I've got friends
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Oh yeah [].
[speaker004:] and I'm gonna make them come over and I'm gonna make them beat the shit out of you!
[Josie:] Oh sorry.
[speaker004:] Oh shut up! Okay. Yeah well I know this Saturday.
[Josie:] It's your dad innit?
[speaker004:] Yeah, your dad, I want you to know
[Josie:] Oh I think it was Freddie Kruger.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Are you having some?
[Josie:] I'm having some.
[Shelley:] Yeah. I don't like it. Well it's alright.... [sighing] Oh [].
[Josie:] Oh well... that's a bit of a bummer isn't it?
[Shelley:] Oh I hate that.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... And she's gone and got some.
[Shelley:] Urgh! Urgh!
[Warren:] Why have you got your headphones in? What are you listening to?
[Shelley:] I'm listening to [singing] like a virgin! []
[Josie:] Oh I think Madonna's crap!
[Shelley:] [singing] Ooh! Ooh []!
[Warren:] So do I.
[Shelley:] Fuck you! Fuck the both of you right!
[Josie:] Madonna is a whore!
[Shelley:] It's on that, it's brilliant! No. Shut your
[speaker004:] She's so
[Shelley:] mouth! Shut
[speaker004:] She is brilliant!
[Shelley:] your mouth!
[speaker004:] I agree with you.
[Shelley:] Shut, thank you Nadima.
[Josie:] Shut your mouth!
[Shelley:] And you're just a
[Josie:] a one-way conversation
[speaker004:] I like Madonna.
[Shelley:] Shut, shut your mouth! Shut your mouth!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] I like Madonna [].
[Shelley:] When you've got as much money as Madonna
[Josie:] Yes I do.
[Shelley:] and as many fans you can then call her whatever you want.
[Josie:] I like Madonna. She's wicked! I love her new song.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Stop beating her up [].
[speaker004:] Oh God! She's good.
[Josie:] That's so good.
[Shelley:] Yeah go away from me now.
[Josie:] Why? Do you like me?
[Warren:] Of course.
[Josie:] Ah ah.... Do you like Shelley?
[Shelley:] Ah ah, he won't say it. You know what I mean? Go on... give it to me.
[Josie:] I understand, I just, you know, I just, ha, I understand.
[Shelley:] Do you like me Warren? Yes or no? No you don't
[Warren:] Yes!
[Shelley:] have to hi... oh oh!
[Josie:] What? What? What? [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] My man! Just, Just leave him alone, you know.
[Josie:] He's a cheap man.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] I'll save it for you. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Yes I know []. Nick's a bitch. You're, you're dark.
[Shelley:] Can, can we sing our song?
[speaker004:] Go on, watch... go on then.
[Josie:] [singing] My name is Nick [] Oh!
[speaker004:] I don't wanna see your.
[Josie:] And I am funky
[Shelley:] [singing] And I am funky []
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Shut up []!
[Josie:] my name is Nick, my mum's a junkie.
[Shelley:] my name is Nick, my mum's a junkie.
[speaker004:] No don't say that cos I
[Josie:] My name is Nick, my gran is randy.
[Shelley:] My name is [LAUGHTER] Nick [], my gran is randy.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... My name is Nick.
[Shelley:] My name is Nick. Ready, steady, [singing] your gran is randy []. [loud bleeping]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] See you guys later.
[Josie:] Right. See ya.
[speaker004:] We got a break now.
[Shelley:] We got Mickey as well.
[Josie:] Whip whoo!
[Shelley:] Ya
[Josie:] Oh I think I'll I'll push in.
[Shelley:] I don't like Mr I think he should be sacked personally.
[Josie:] I don't like Mr.
[Shelley:] Ooh! Ooh!
[speaker004:] I don't like Mr. I he's alright
[Shelley:] Ooh! Ooh! You're gonna break it!
[Josie:] That wasn't very nice was it?
[Shelley:] Warren I love you.
[Warren:] Ah?
[Shelley:] You can come over tonight, and don't forget the condoms. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Are you coming over on Saturday?
[Shelley:] No, he's coming round my house tonight with his condoms.
[Josie:] Can I come over on Saturday?
[Warren:] Why don't you both come round
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]... [sighing] Oh [].
[Shelley:] No I'll just come round you can appear I make the energies move quickly [LAUGHTER] okay []?
[Josie:] Urgh! That's disgusting!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I don't even know what you're talking about here, you know? I, I don't nothing about it.
[Shelley:] Talking about, it's... sex.
[Josie:] I dunno nuffink about sex. I'm an innocent child.
[Shelley:] Mm. Really?
[Josie:] I dunno nuffink about the birds and bees.
[Shelley:] Are you a virgin?
[Josie:] All I know is, the birds go mm mm, and the bees, and the... the birds go [whistling]. Yes I am a virgin.
[Shelley:] The birds go buzz, and bees [LAUGHTER] go []
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] woo ooh []! No?
[Josie:] [singing] I'm a virgin []. [mimicking American accent from Wayne's World] Not []!
[Shelley:] Oh! Dirty cow.
[Josie:] [singing] Not me [].
[Shelley:] Who did you do it with then?
[Josie:] I done it with my finger.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Didn't really []. No I never. I done it with erm... erm... erm... done it with Mick. [LAUGHTER] But I couldn't feel it, I just []
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] you finished yet []?
[Shelley:] That's right, he's really small isn't he?
[Josie:] Yeah. Bob. Dick.
[Shelley:] [mimicking Yorkshire accent] Well I think Mick's quite a prick because he's so thick ain't he really []?
[Josie:] Oh shut up! You're so cruel.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]... The things you've been saying about him.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... I have the right to say these things, okay? You know.
[speaker005:] [shouting] Time to go everyone! The excitement's over [].
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] What... what excitement?
[Josie:] Whoo ooh ooh!
[Shelley:] Come now, come on we better go. No, it, it didn't matter so much in his hand
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] had his hands on the bloody thing he, I just got his a, I just jump up. Cos I
[Josie:] You but Shelley you don't [LAUGHTER] you don't []... [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] No I never!
[Josie:] Yes you did Shelley!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] I never []!
[Josie:] He saw your body
[Shelley:] I never.
[Josie:] and ever since then, face it Shelley!
[Shelley:] I ne, no shut your mouth! Shut up!
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [shouting] I'm not []!
[Josie:] [shouting] That's Shelley []!
[Shelley:] He's a dirty, rotten bastard!
[Josie:] Shelley
[Shelley:] No!
[Josie:] you enjoyed it.
[Shelley:] No.
[Josie:] Face it!
[Shelley:] No!
[Josie:] You enjoyed it.
[Shelley:] I never!
[Josie:] Shelley you wanted to
[Shelley:] ... [screaming] You rotten bastard []!
[Josie:] You... Shelley... are a sick fat bitch! [LAUGHTER] I'm going []. Yeah. I'm going, you lot are... you lot are mad! Karen?
[speaker004:] Yeah?
[Josie:] You going out with somebody now?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Are you? Truthfully?
[speaker004:] No.
[Shelley:] It doesn't matter what you tell us.
[speaker005:] Now C twenty eight that some people who I've noticed have been talking one minute.
[Josie:] Oh I hate this fucking woman! I would love to kill her!
[Shelley:] Ooh! One minute left.
[Josie:] [sniff]
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] I can stand it
[Josie:] To pick everything up, it's wicked. When I first put it on it was bzz bzz, bzz bzz, it's a Flymo.
[speaker004:] Lend us the tape a minute and let me listen.
[Shelley:] Yeah?
[speaker004:] Yeah. Go on then.
[Josie:] Well are you gonna say something?
[Shelley:] Hello Janet.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Hello!
[Josie:] Ooh!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] It's great. Speak into my microphone here. Speak into my microphone kids.
[Josie:] Georgina say something.
[Shelley:] I can hear what she's saying to somebody.
[Josie:] See look, whisper, whisper, right, whisper. Whisper from there see if she can pick it up.
[speaker004:] Somebody should say, Karen stop snogging Wesley!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Wesley man, calm down get your top out of her bra, hand out of her... [mimicking West Indian accent] let go of her going for her coconuts [].
[Shelley:] What?
[speaker004:] [mimicking] Let go of her coconuts [].
[Josie:] Go on we could have had.
[Shelley:] Is it Thursday today?
[speaker004:] Oh Yeah, it's here.
[Shelley:] Is it Thursday today?
[Josie:] No, Friday.
[Shelley:] I wish it was Friday though.
[Josie:] Why? Where you going?
[Shelley:] Nowhere in particular just want it to be... Friday []. I can't believe I've gotta get up at flipping ten o'clock on Sunday!
[Josie:] Oh! My God! Ah my pen's run out.
[Shelley:] Well don't use mine.
[Josie:] I am.
[Shelley:] Alright then.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] I'm sorry []. Winston... tell me your life story.... Sorry, what was you saying.
[Shelley:] Oh fuck!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] What are you doing with that?
[Josie:] Oh. Well don't worry about it just go back and think, alright? You just go back and think. Okay?
[speaker004:] He will go back too.
[Shelley:] Erm
[Josie:] Yeah I know. I'm sorry.
[speaker004:] Oh just shut up!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah [].
[Shelley:] Oh what do you mean go back with him, since I've, I've split up with him now like.
[Josie:] Alright.
[Shelley:] And you're telling me to get back with him.
[Josie:] Is he a good snogger? Oh. Lovely.
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] What's it
[Shelley:] Ooh er ooh! I know someone who's a good kisser.
[speaker004:] Well what's it like? Oh yeah! You expect me to
[Josie:] Me.
[speaker004:] show you Sharon Not really. [LAUGHTER] or something []?
[Shelley:] No thank you.
[speaker004:] Ah?
[Shelley:] I said I know wha, someone who's a good kisser.
[Josie:] Me.
[speaker004:] No me. I thought you were gonna say Nick or something.
[Shelley:] Nick! Nick! Ah!
[Josie:] Come on. Say da da da. I'll read it.
[Shelley:] No I wanna read it!
[Josie:] Read it then.
[Shelley:] Right. The problem page, Just Seventeen.
[Josie:] Arnold Schwarzenegger impression... [mimicking] Fuck you baby! Asta la vista. []
[Shelley:] Don't worry about Arnold Schwarzenegger.
[Josie:] [mimicking German accent] The war is over [].
[Shelley:] It's so unfair
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Those universal soldiers []... going to. Don't you remember? 's got the necklace with the ears on it and he goes can't you hear me? Ain't ya? He's got a necklace with ears on it and he goes, can't you hear me? And Jean-Claude goes [mimicking German accent] the war is over [].
[Shelley:] Anyway, anyway, problem page
[speaker004:] Well that's not the point, I would have found out.
[Shelley:] Back on the subject of the problem page
[speaker004:] Don't you like it?
[Josie:] Just Seventeen.
[Shelley:] Just Seventeen this is. Ya. Right. Ready?
[Josie:] Yes.
[Shelley:] [reading] Do, Dear Doctor Anne... I'm fifteen and I need your advice. Last night I had sex with my boyfriend []
[Josie:] Ha ah!
[Shelley:] [reading] and then the next day he said he no longer loved me. []
[Josie:] Ha ah!
[Shelley:] [reading] A few months later I found that I was pregnant. I know my mother wouldn't agree and she would be even mad if she knew he was a black boy. I see him about in school but I can't bring myself to tell him. []
[Josie:] Tell him love.
[Shelley:] [reading] So please []
[Josie:] Tell him.
[Shelley:] [reading] help. Yours, Take That fan, London [].
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... London. You can tell she's from London. Hackney. London.
[Shelley:] My... er, that's it, my sister's
[speaker004:] Why are you writing problems?
[Shelley:] boyfriend said I'm a common cow and have a got a big nose.
[speaker004:] Did she? Did he?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] You're a common cow with a big nose?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] I wouldn't talk to him again!
[Josie:] I agree. Not really.
[Shelley:] He's got a
[Josie:] Andy.
[Shelley:] bigger nose than me.
[Josie:] Andy. Did your cat legs,le, legs really get... did it really get blown off?
[speaker004:] ?
[Josie:] Leg?
[speaker004:] No.
[Josie:] It didn't?
[speaker004:] It got in it, but he hasn't got any leg.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... So it has only got three legs?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] A three-legged cat []
[Josie:] Brilliant!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] []. A three-legged Tom. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] What have
[Josie:] Hello Wesley.
[Shelley:] A three-legged cat. Tiger.... It's name's Tiger innit?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] A three-legged Tiger.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] How many stripes has it got? Why
[Shelley:] No.
[Josie:] why are you in here? What are you doing in here?
[Shelley:] He sits there panting er... it's not Warren it is Wesley, alright?
[Josie:] His name is Wesley!
[Shelley:] Anyway, I forgot to bring a tape in for you?
[Josie:] Tape? What tape?
[Shelley:] The video.
[Josie:] What's it... bring it on Friday.
[Shelley:] But it doesn't matter, I'm not going.
[Josie:] The what?
[Wesley:] Have you got, have you got a lot on that?
[Josie:] It's only six people.
[Shelley:] There's only six people on here.
[Josie:] Yeah. And Grace.
[Wesley:] Where d'ya get it from? Where d'ya get it from.
[Shelley:] Well what do you put, well
[Josie:] Erm
[Shelley:] they're not
[Josie:] Norway.
[Shelley:] friends of mine then, so I'll call them acquaintances.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Wesley:] Where d'ya get it from?
[Shelley:] Well let's face it
[Josie:] Erm...
[Shelley:] we're not your friends.
[Josie:] some college in Norway... want a research to say
[Wesley:] How did you lot get in then?
[Josie:] class... cos we were chosen.
[Shelley:] ... wankers! [LAUGHTER] Erm, say, say
[Josie:] Out of the English classes.
[Shelley:] outsiders
[Josie:] I'm quite good in English though.
[Wesley:] Erm... but
[Shelley:] What, the what Warren?
[Wesley:] Ah?
[Cassie:] It's all the hospital stewards in here.
[Shelley:] This thing's gonna be so bloody then innit?
[Josie:] No, but she said you could have eight people all talking at once
[Shelley:] Yeah?
[Josie:] and they can pick them out. She said they've got computers to do that.
[Shelley:] Yeah, I've got another one. Okay. Problem number two.
[Wesley:] Read.
[Shelley:] No, I'm not reading these.
[Warren:] Read them to me
[Shelley:] I'm not
[Warren:] please.
[Josie:] Urgh! Urgh!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] No, please []!
[Warren:] Just wai, wait till you're offered.
[Shelley:] Oh! Magic! I've got it!
[Warren:] Say you got mugged. Keep it.
[Shelley:] Well you
[Josie:] Say I got mugged and keep it all.
[Shelley:] Oh oh! They're delicious!
[Josie:] Ha?
[Cassie:] You read something.
[Josie:] Wait a minute. Give me it.
[Cassie:] Read it Don't read, er just start. Don't even bother stopping, right? Start! Don't ca, it erm
[Josie:] What?
[Cassie:] [LAUGHTER] No,jus []
[Josie:] Give me it.
[Cassie:] Just read, no you listen.
[Josie:] [reading] Dear Doctor, I'm fourteen []
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... [reading] Oh Dear Doctor Alan... I am fourteen. A few months []... what?
[Shelley:] I was fourteen
[Josie:] [reading] a few months []
[Cassie:] A few months back
[Josie:] [reading] a few months back I was bored with myself, and my family, I was playing about with... my dog, I started rubbing []
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [reading] I started rubbing it... underneath []
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [reading] and he really enjoyed it. []
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [reading] It really did turn me on and after the first time I done it... it... it turned me on so much... I come. [LAUGHTER] What is wrong with me? [] []
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [reading] P S... I'm a Kylie Minogue fan, from Andrew [].
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Wesley:] You are.
[Shelley:] Andrew.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [reading] [LAUGHTER] Please help []! []
[speaker004:] Sophie. Sophie.
[Josie:] Oh please help.
[speaker004:] Sophie.
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] But you gonna... buy them both a
[Josie:] You've really got a disgusting [LAUGHTER] bite []! [screaming] Ah ah []! That is [LAUGHTER] disgusting []! I rubbed my
[speaker004:] Give me it.
[Josie:] Urgh! [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Urgh! Josie and Anthony are snogging!
[Wesley:] I thought you said...
[Josie:] Me and Anthony are just friends.
[Shelley:] Are you sure?
[speaker004:] Look at Anthony he's rubbing.
[Shelley:] Yeah, Anthony stop rubbing up her tits!
[Josie:] Well so dis... Karen!
[Shelley:] Alright have you stopped
[Josie:] Stop
[Shelley:] now?
[Josie:] stop
[Shelley:] Can you reach?
[Josie:] stop wanking Chrissy okay?
[Shelley:] Alright.
[speaker005:] Wesley and Anthony would you get out of your
[Josie:] Yes Wesley!
[Shelley:] Wesley! Wesley!
[speaker004:] No!
[Josie:] Miss. We really can't think about what... we need to do, you know.
[speaker005:] ... You had an idea, you said, it's not there.
[Josie:] So what, we'd have to make sure it was exactly the right, the same amount... and, in the same flame and... the same... and see how long it took and whatever took the longest went... I dunno... whatever?
[speaker005:] Well you might have a
[Josie:] Yes? I'm really, really interested! [very noisy classroom] Melt anything?
[speaker005:] Yes. Okay,yo, you want, you want to find out which one burns the longest? Okay. Well if you think that's the
[Josie:] Well one that
[speaker005:] way to do it.
[Josie:] takes the longest will turn black.
[speaker005:] It should do. Right.
[Josie:] That it burns
[speaker005:] What apparatus are you gonna use?
[Josie:] Er, tripod
[Shelley:] Bunsen burner.
[speaker005:] Good.
[Josie:] And a Bunsen burner.
[speaker005:] Well
[Josie:] And a flame. Oh alright then. No one. Just, just one person. Yes cos we do a little bit out of the class instead.
[speaker005:] Well
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Well done. That's what we want.
[speaker004:] Where did you get that thing?
[Josie:] Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing to do with this school.
[speaker005:] But she couldn't pull one of us out?
[Josie:] Cos she didn't want one of you, she wanted one of me.
[speaker005:] I don't believe you.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] She wanted one of me []?
[Shelley:] And me?
[Josie:] By being a hussy.
[Shelley:] Peter, Robert... Anthony and Grace.... So, six people. She could have picked Wesley couldn't she?
[Josie:] Yeah, she could have picked Wesley.
[Shelley:] Wesley, what was your last name? Wesley?
[Josie:] Wesley, Wesley,We
[Shelley:] My God!
[Josie:] What?
[Shelley:] I'm just asking old Karen to stop wanking and caressing him.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] I've had the last two, that's the last couple of words you wanna put.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Cassie:] I know you didn't do it.
[Shelley:] You wanna listen to this one.
[Josie:] Ha? You lot ain't supposed to know I'm taping.
[Cassie:] I'm not! I just wanna hear
[Josie:] Oh you wanna listen to something, but you don't know what you wanna listen
[Warren:] Oh hold on. You're taping right? Well that's what.
[speaker004:] Why are you taping here?
[Josie:] No! It's nothing to do with this school.
[speaker004:] Andrew.
[Josie:] No one in this school listens to it.
[speaker004:] Why are you taping here?
[Warren:] Are you taping?
[Shelley:] Yes please.
[Josie:] Can I have a look at the bottle please?
[Cassie:] Oh not another bloody?
[Shelley:] Why?
[Josie:] Anthony's got drugs.
[Cassie:] [LAUGHTER] Oh I don't know [].
[Josie:] [singing] Anthony's taking drugs []! So come on
[speaker004:] Why is everyone
[Josie:] have a conversation.
[Warren:] Well hang on, so who does it go to then?
[Josie:] It goes to Norway.
[Warren:] Ah?
[Josie:] A college in Norway.
[Warren:] Mr, you've probably gotta give the tapes, you gotta, you gotta give the tapes to Miss, erm
[Josie:] No! I give the tapes
[Warren:] .
[Josie:] to the wa, student from Norway.
[Warren:] No you don't, you give it to
[Josie:] I don't give it to Miss!
[Warren:] And Miss gives it to the student innit?
[Josie:] Cassie, I've gotta come in on Monday morning when there's school to give it to this student. Cassie!
[Warren:] You should say you've got
[Josie:] Cassie!
[Cassie:] Yeah?
[Josie:] Cassie, who have we got to give the tapes to?
[Warren:] Give and I'll put, Monday is it?
[Josie:] Hello.
[Shelley:] What are them tablets? I wanna know.
[speaker004:] Where?
[Josie:] They're drugs! Yes I'm very concerned Anthony.
[Shelley:] We're concerned for your welfare.
[Josie:] I mean you might be overcharged for them.
[Shelley:] Are they Cassie's tablets?
[Josie:] Don't you think we should get paid for these drugs? Yeah?
[Cassie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] Are they vitamins?
[Warren:] No.
[Josie:] Oh I see let us keep the microphones. Drugs. Mid-period pain tablets.
[Shelley:] Are they paracetamol?
[Warren:] No they're not.
[Shelley:] Are they period pain
[Warren:] You just, they're tablets
[speaker004:] What?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] Do you get red tablets?
[Shelley:] Yeah. I do. I get red and white ones. I like the blue ones better.
[Josie:] I like the blue and yellow ones.
[Shelley:] Well I like the blue and yellow
[Josie:] Well I like the blue and yellow ones. Well I've had, one, two, three, four, five, six conversations! Ooh er missus!
[Shelley:] Miss, are
[Josie:] Erm
[Shelley:] we talking about
[Cassie:] Josie I really think
[Shelley:] Does it look stupid?
[Wesley:] No don't start, okay?
[Cassie:] I really think you should wash your hair because there's all lice running along [LAUGHTER] the table [].
[Josie:] Do you want one?
[Shelley:] I'm not a monkey. I don't really wanna go [LAUGHTER] for you
[Josie:] [mimicking monkey] Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh [].
[Cassie:] No! Get over there.
[Josie:] [mimicking] Ah ha, ah ha, ha ha ha ha ha []!
[Cassie:] Your mad!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Josie, that's brilliant []! Do you like that story?
[Josie:] What?
[Shelley:] How does it go?
[speaker004:] Shit!
[Josie:] Right.
[Shelley:] I lick your boom boom now.
[Josie:] I like your boom
[Shelley:] No.
[Josie:] It's the only bit I know. Informer, something la la la, I lick your boom boom now.
[Shelley:] [mimicking northern accent] That's nice isn't it? Cos I wonder what
[Josie:] But it's on the radio
[Shelley:] I wo wonder, I wonder what it's about []?
[Josie:] I think it's Radio One.
[Shelley:] Do it in this.
[Josie:] It's Radio One.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] I can hear it [].
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] That's what I thought []. Oh! Ooh God!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] We're making a mess, we've made a mess of the table [].
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Are you recording it on your thing?
[Josie:] Er er, er er er... mm. It really echoes when you bang the table.
[Shelley:] Ha? [knocking on table] Do it again.
[Josie:] Good innit? [tapping on microphone]
[Shelley:] Ah! [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Probably have a go at me for smashing their microphone up. Wow! This is... excuse me!
[Shelley:] Oh sorry!... Alright.
[Josie:] Right. [sighing] Oh oh [].... [singing] Everybody... everybody up in your mum's! Everybody up your mum's bum! Everybody up your mum's bum! Yo mum! Yo mum! Everybody up your mum's big bum []! Involve me in the conversation and I can't hear you talk.
[Shelley:] Josie get yo my head
[Josie:] Out of this one.
[Shelley:] out of the microphone.
[Josie:] Ah?
[speaker004:] Put it on the radio.
[Shelley:] No, I'm not naughty girl like you! Let me tape some more. Cassie, get it off of the radio!
[Cassie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Josie needs to tape it
[Josie:] I know wait a minute, wait a minute, I've got a better idea.
[speaker004:] They're taping something there.
[Shelley:] Wesley dear.
[Josie:] Ha?
[speaker004:] I'll come over to you.
[Josie:] No I'm listening to the radio.
[Shelley:] Wesley innit? Wesley, Wesley.
[Josie:] Nick, Nick, Nick?
[Wesley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Nicholas?
[Wesley:] He's a
[Josie:] He's didn't?
[Wesley:] He didn't, he didn't wanna go out you, you in the first place and he just didn't bother to tell, tell anybody
[Josie:] Then why did he ask me out?
[Wesley:] he said, he didn't wanna go out with, he didn't wanna come with you in the holidays. He just didn't.
[Josie:] Then why did he ask me out?
[Wesley:] I dunno. Why don't you ask him?
[Josie:] Cos I'm not talking to him.
[Wesley:] Oh, so it's true? You're not talking to him cos he didn't
[Josie:] No, I called him up in the week, in the holiday... and... I asked him to come to Shelley's... and he said call me back.
[Shelley:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] Simple as that.
[Wesley:] But you haven't?
[Josie:] No, it weren't cos of that.... Cos I spent, I spent the first week of the holiday mainly with Shelley. So, didn't really want Nick there.
[Wesley:] Did you dump him?
[Josie:] Yes. On Wednesday. I didn't dump him. I just said... I don't think we should go out no more.
[Wesley:] That's a dump.
[Josie:] It's not. We compromised.
[Wesley:] Okay.
[Josie:] Here's Mr. You better get your head down... Wesley. When we used to sit with you in Humanities... sat next to you right, and I was saying like erm... erm, you were saying... I got you to say... so who are gonna bring down the school to beat me up? And we got on this subject. And I said no one. And you said you bring the mother-fuckers down. And I got you talking about all the porno magazines. We got all that on tape.
[Karen:] Have you had it all lesson?
[Josie:] Yeah I've still got it.
[Wesley:] When have you gotta give it back then?
[Karen:] Do you tape? When have you gotta give that back?
[Josie:] No, not this. I had a dictaphone. I've got a dictaphone. I've brung it into school loads of times.
[Wesley:] Have you still got everything?
[Josie:] Yeah. Oh no, I think I taped over it.... I've still got bits of it about the porno magazines and that though.
[Karen:] What's that down there?
[Josie:] Karen, you've gotta cut them across like that.
[Karen:] Yeah.
[Josie:] It was quite funny listening to that actually. Cos I go, Steven goes erm, Steven goes bring the, to Shelley, he goes bring the mother-fuckers down like that. And I go, and it didn't pick it up and I goes, pardon? Could you say that again. Bring the what down? And he was going... and I was going... the mother what? And he's going the mother-fuckers! And I had it all down
[Wesley:] Who Nick?
[Josie:] No. Steven. I had it all down the microphone. Yeah you were going, you were going erm... well... we'll beat you up. You'll bring your friends down, then beat us up, then we'll bring our friends and they'll beat them up. And you were saying all this stuff.
[Wesley:] .
[Josie:] You were. I've got it on tape. That's what you were saying.
[Wesley:] No I wasn't thick though.
[Josie:] And you were saying, oh yeah, we found these porno magazines and we're selling them off to perverts. And I said... yeah but you're looking at them and, and you started laughing. So I goes, you must be a pervert too and you started laughing.
[Wesley:] Yeah but we, we found magazine.
[Josie:] We had a look at them, but you ain't got me saying that on tape. Well you have now but I'm anonymous. Why d'ya think I'm not on Josie la, erm... I'm recruit number two.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [classroom chatter]
[Wesley:] Do like a list of people with that, that, everyone has to?
[Josie:] Hundreds of schools doing it. Yeah but I, it's these, it's one person whose class is supposed to have... it depends
[Wesley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] how much you've achieved.
[Wesley:] Out of the fourth year.
[Josie:] Where do, what do I stick where Karen? What?
[Karen:] Copy.
[Josie:] How can I copy? You've cut it different to me. I thought you said cut it in strips.
[Karen:] Yeah. That's the first one. Where is it?... That's the first one. And you've gotta rearrange it.
[Josie:] So you have gotta cut them up into little bits?
[Karen:] Yeah, but you've gotta rearrange it otherwise if you cut them all up you won't know what was what, and what chain, and what with on.
[Josie:] Right. So this is the first one?
[Karen:] Do that one.
[Josie:] Right.... So Anthony, what are your comments to me?
[speaker004:] Anyone else?
[Josie:] Erm, my dad heard it. That was it. But I didn't actually want him to listen to it. I was playing it and he listened to it. I told him to stay away.
[Karen:] There are. Okay?
[Josie:] What?
[Wesley:] I don't believe you have.
[Karen:] Can I have a look at your other
[Josie:] What, taped you?
[Karen:] one please?
[Josie:] It's a laugh man. Cos you were, you're all sitting there right, and you all talking like, like... and bring the mother-fuckers down! I'm just sitting there taping. That's why I was la, cos when you were going, what you laughing at you flat chested cow? I was laughing and you were getting the hump with it... cos I knew I had it all on tape.
[Wesley:] I didn't call you a flat chested cow.
[Josie:] Yo, no it was Steven. You know like when you go to Steven, ah no Steven. You should say to Steven, ah no I didn't say anything. And he said, I had all that and that's why every time you called me something I just kept laughing cos I had it on tape.
[Wesley:] Means you could have played it to blooming anyone.
[Josie:] Could have played it to anyone.... See how good I am to you? I didn't even bother play it to anyone. I just thought, yeah, I could just get him into big shit now!
[Wesley:] If you did I'd beat shit out of you! I'd
[speaker004:] Oh no!
[Josie:] Woo ooh ooh! I can't see it now. Where's it gone? Take the cover, I'm copying it.
[Karen:] Let me do the last one first.
[Josie:] Oh I just... [singing] rescue me hee, rescue me ee ee ee []. I've had enough of this conversation. I think I'll turn it off now. It's hurting my ears.
[speaker004:] Hey?
[Josie:] Go on then.
[Daniel:] Have you seen my sister?
[Josie:] Say it.
[Daniel:] No. I love you Josie.
[Josie:] Ah ah! He's so cute!
[Daniel:] Can you hear me?
[Josie:] Yeah, course I can.
[Daniel:] Is that alright? [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Can you put it in? Thanks.
[speaker004:] Are you taping?
[Daniel:] Thank you.
[Josie:] Ha? I'm taping you right now Grace.
[speaker004:] Are you?
[Josie:] Yes I am darling.
[speaker004:] [shouting] You fucking tape me you dirty cow! []
[Josie:] [shouting] Yes I fucking I am you dirty cow! []
[speaker004:] [shouting] Fucking Josie! You fucking slag! []
[Josie:] [shouting] Don't you fucking start with me! []
[speaker004:] [shouting] You are [].
[Josie:] [shouting] You dirty slag []!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] It hasn't, hey it's not, well I ain't even finished this side. No.
[speaker004:] Don't you switch that on. you slag!
[Josie:] Who you fucking tal [break in recording] You didn't, look.
[speaker004:] What?
[Josie:] Yeah. Say something and I'll repeat what you said.
[speaker004:] [talking into microphone] Danny's a wanker.
[Josie:] Danny's a [LAUGHTER] wanker [].
[Shelley:] Yeah. Ya..
[speaker004:] Okay. Let me see it. [talking into microphone] And Danny's a Chink.
[Josie:] And Danny's a Chink.
[speaker004:] Can I see it a minute. Er er Can you hear
[Josie:] Where's
[speaker004:] it?
[Josie:] where's Danny you know?
[speaker004:] Can you hear it? [talking into microphone] Ooh ooh ooh ooh!
[Josie:] [scream]
[speaker004:] What?
[Daniel:] Well that.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Hello. How much does it cost? Look.
[Josie:] It might... get
[Shelley:] Well what is it?
[Josie:] What is it? Hello Darling.
[Shelley:] I'm taping her,sh, she's a prostitute.
[Josie:] No it's not that.
[Shelley:] Everyone fills her up.
[Daniel:] Are you, well, are you... are you taping it?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Josie. Hey? Well I'll do it in a minute. Co, coming round Saturday? Warren's a wanker as well! Well say something. Is that for school?
[Josie:] No it's erm for a college. It's not for the school, it's for a college.
[speaker004:] Daniel's a rude boy.
[Daniel:] I can hear that.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] No he's not [].
[Daniel:] I can hear that.
[speaker004:] Warren's a wanker.
[Josie:] Yeah I agree. [LAUGHTER] No, not really. Not really []. I don't think you're a wanker.
[speaker004:] That's it from Daniel. The rude boy. So what's it for?
[Josie:] It's for a college of teenage language
[speaker004:] Come on, let's go.
[Josie:] school.
[speaker004:] Let's go.
[Josie:] Listen to me.
[speaker004:] One two, one two.
[Josie:] Listen here, I can pick you up from over here.... Talk then.
[speaker004:] Are you gonna pick me up?
[Daniel:] Let me see if I can hear.
[speaker004:] It's, can you hear me? Fuck!
[Josie:] Yeah. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Josie?
[Josie:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER]... I'm not filming you, I'm just taping you.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] So Colin... how are you? [LAUGHTER] How are you Joe []?... Come on! Talk!
[speaker004:] Why are you doing it now?
[Josie:] Why am I doing it now? I can't hear you.
[Daniel:] Why are you doing it out of school?
[Josie:] Daniel you're such a... cunt! [noise traffic] [shouting] Shelley []!
[Daniel:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] Hello.
[Josie:] Hello!
[Shelley:] Do what?
[Josie:] Piss off!
[Daniel:] It is weird.
[speaker004:] What you doing?
[Daniel:] Weird! That's, that's what they wear on film.
[Josie:] But you can't think that.
[Daniel:] How much?
[Josie:] Six people in my ear.
[Daniel:] How much?
[speaker004:] How much?
[Josie:] I don't know.
[Daniel:] How much!
[Josie:] I don't know! And that hurt.
[Daniel:] [belch]
[speaker004:] Get a one.
[Daniel:] [belch]... [whistling]
[Josie:] I don't know!
[Daniel:] Urgh!
[Shelley:] Oh that was really good Daniel. Can you go
[Daniel:] [belch]
[Josie:] Oh! Bloody hell! [LAUGHTER]
[Daniel:] Aargh!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Hey you rotten bastard!
[speaker004:] Yeah, I'll take your little toy and smash it to pieces!
[Shelley:] Mm. Take these back to your class. Come on! Enlighten me.
[Warren:] Is there any music on that.
[Shelley:] Ooh look there's Nick!
[Warren:] Is there any music on that?
[Josie:] A few things I taped off the radio.
[Warren:] Alright then. Right. I wa, I just want true things. He told me he dumped you is that true?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] No it is not true. I protest.
[Warren:] Are you taping? And
[speaker004:] Will she catch up with Warren I'll
[Warren:] Do, do me a, do me a copy of this tape.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] And I'll ask you some private questions about Nick.
[Josie:] Woo ooh!
[Shelley:] Well you got, you got it al, you got it all there haven't you?
[Warren:] [clears throat] Would, would, would
[Josie:] Woo ooh ooh! Private eh? Private!... [LAUGHTER] Excuse me []!
[Warren:] Like, you don't
[Josie:] Sorry!
[Warren:] don't you feel sorry for him now though?
[Josie:] Why?
[Warren:] Look at him, he's all alone.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Er er ah ah ah... erm
[Shelley:] What d'ya keep cutting up?
[speaker004:] [singing] [].
[Josie:] I'm just taping, you know. It's just nothing against us.
[Shelley:] Ooh! Ooh! The traffic. Ah ah! I wish they'd stop.
[Warren:] I'm going to
[Josie:] It's not, this is not legal.
[speaker004:] [whistling]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] I'm so dirty []!
[speaker004:] Warren! Warren!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Look, watch this [].
[Josie:] Come. Sorry! My old slosh bucket!... Look, leaving Nick all the way down there all on his own! What a shame!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Well []... he's all the way down by the pelican. [LAUGHTER]... [singing] Da doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, da doo doo doo doo doo doo doo, da doo doo doo doo doo doo [].
[Josie:] Are you gonna talk about anything interesting? Or shall I just turn it
[Shelley:] No I won't. Oh have you got it on?
[Josie:] Yeah I have.
[Shelley:] Oh have ya?
[Josie:] Oh well don't, you know.
[Shelley:] Oh come on! [LAUGHTER]... Look at the bus.
[Josie:] Oh wow! [LAUGHTER] [].
[Shelley:] Oh I was gonna say, yeah.
[Josie:] What?
[Shelley:] Oh shut up girl!
[speaker004:] Josie!
[Josie:] Ha?
[speaker004:] See if that, see if they can get some of that beer, or whatever's
[Josie:] Ah! This er, come on, come on
[speaker004:] we're allowed to get.
[Josie:] come on, come on. I want you on tape. Loads of talk.
[speaker004:] Shut up! I'm not
[Josie:] Come on Shel, come the other side of me so I can get you both
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] wah, wah in my
[Shelley:] So who do you fancy?
[Josie:] Carly.
[speaker004:] I don't fancy anyone.
[Shelley:] She don't fancy anyone here?
[Josie:] Shelley fancies Robbie out of Take That.
[speaker004:] I'll tell you what
[Josie:] It's disgusting innit?
[speaker004:] She likes this song... [singing] Come on, come on, come on, come on, Take That... Honey []. Alright.
[Shelley:] Or anyone out of East Seventeen.
[speaker004:] Brian.
[Shelley:] Brian?
[Josie:] She know Bri
[speaker004:] I love Brian!
[Josie:] She knows Brian!
[speaker004:] I know Brian.
[Josie:] I know Brian!
[Shelley:] Brian's a cheat.
[speaker004:] And, and that When did you last see him. Ages ago.
[Josie:] She don't know them, she just saw them.
[speaker004:] No! I said hello actually.
[Josie:] Oh she said hello! Oh my God! Ha ha ha!
[speaker004:] No my friend says... my friend's boyfriend knows... and she went out with him for a, like a year and he was, she was.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Who was that? Oh shit! It really hurts.
[speaker004:] Does it? Sorry!
[Josie:] When someone whistles. Little kid just whistled
[speaker004:] [whistling] [whistling]
[Shelley:] Cut out the whistling.
[speaker004:] Hello. Hello, hello.
[Shelley:] Ah! The lorry! [whistling]
[Josie:] This is fun, I like doing this.
[speaker004:] Do you?
[Josie:] Yeah well it's... not bad. [in playground a lot of traffic noise]
[speaker004:] Is erm, are there any more there?
[Josie:] No.
[speaker004:] You just get up when Steven goes and then
[Josie:] Wurgh ha ha.
[speaker004:] [tut] You had a phone call then? Is that where you were phoning from?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] How d'ya know?
[Shelley:] It erm, oh, look at these pricks!
[Josie:] I could hear that.
[speaker004:] How comes you dumped Nick?
[Josie:] I didn't like him.
[speaker004:] Didn't like him?
[Josie:] Went off him.
[speaker004:] How long was you going out with him for?
[Josie:] About twelve weeks.
[speaker004:] Twelve weeks?
[Josie:] Of my life!
[speaker004:] Oh my Lord! Well why did you go out with Nick for?
[Josie:] I was only a kid when I
[Shelley:] Crap!
[Josie:] kid when I went out him.
[Shelley:] Yeah, Lucy kept saying... urgh! Urgh! They're on the. And I was going, that's interesting Lucy.
[Josie:] Yeah. Brian.
[Shelley:] That's why every time you walk past and Brian says, Brian says, I'm going [singing] I should be so lucky [].
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Er ah er
[Shelley:] Ow!
[Josie:] Daniel wants.
[Shelley:] Daniel wants what?
[Josie:] To be deceived
[Shelley:] Go on Daniel. Go for it!
[Daniel:] No way!
[Shelley:] Go on matey!
[Josie:] Mark.
[speaker004:] Did you see that er
[Daniel:] D'ya wanna fight?
[speaker004:] where they were talking
[Shelley:] No.
[speaker004:] about that, that.
[Josie:] What do you wanna do?
[Shelley:] [shouting] Car []!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] [fire engine sirens]
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] [].
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] You're so rude []!
[Josie:] What if I hadn't had anything on underneath? What if I hadn't of had anything on
[Shelley:] Nasty!
[Josie:] underneath?
[speaker004:] I honestly don't care.
[Josie:] Are you coming on Saturday?
[Shelley:] No. He's coming to me Friday.
[Daniel:] No.
[Shelley:] Coming to see me Daniel?
[Daniel:] I'm going to my mum's.
[Josie:] Oh oh fuck it! Going to your mum's?
[Daniel:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I'm free Daniel! I'm free!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I thought you said you loved me?... I'm free. Don't you understand Daniel? You can
[Daniel:] Sure.
[Josie:] have me now. What about you Warren? Are you coming?
[Warren:] Hello.
[Josie:] Warren. Are you coming? [shouting] Are you coming []?
[Warren:] You going?
[Shelley:] I dunno.
[Warren:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] No but I want to.
[Daniel:] What you doing?
[Josie:] No I'm not!
[Daniel:] No you're taping it! You can hear it.
[Josie:] No I can't.
[Daniel:] Yeah.
[Warren:] Look at those.
[speaker004:] You are.
[Daniel:] [shouting] Don't lie []!
[Warren:] Don't lie.
[Josie:] Oh!
[Warren:] So why are you smiling?
[Daniel:] [LAUGHTER]... Why are you?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] What?
[Josie:] Give me a kiss.
[Warren:] Is this going?
[Shelley:] I don't like this privacy stuff. Hello Warren. Hi! [LAUGHTER]... I like this. Ooh! [LAUGHTER] hoo ah []! [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Hang on. Is that?
[Shelley:] I'm gonna sing now. [LAUGHTER]... Oh sorry!
[Josie:] .
[Warren:] Don't start.
[Josie:] Wah!
[Shelley:] Wah! [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Wah! [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [singing] Woh oh woh oh, yay yay... love you more than words can say [].
[Josie:] [singing] yay ee yay... love you more than words can say. [LAUGHTER]... Love you more than tomorrow. []
[Warren:] I is it?
[Josie:] [singing] Woh woh woh [].
[Warren:] Are you?
[Daniel:] Oh hang on, give me that tape.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Excuse me.... How, how are your children's education going? Did yo, did you hear that? Excuse me. Excuse me. Do you have er children? Excu, excuse me.
[Warren:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Excuse me. How's your children's education going?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] Oh!
[Josie:] Well I've done my little bit.
[Warren:] [LAUGHTER].... Aargh!
[Josie:] Right, I wi, as you know, just a quick one.
[Shelley:] I'll just... I won't scream very highly cos you're my mate.... Can yo, can you hear me?
[Josie:] I can hear something.
[Shelley:] Can you hear me?
[Josie:] Yes I can.
[Shelley:] You can. You can. You can hear me. I better walk on tip-toes to... right well, you know... now let's just give, you know, I mean you can't see Zane's bum. You've seen Warren's, you've seen your brother's... now... your brother, you know is, quite nice and, you know... [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] and... come on, I've gotta tell you. Excuse me! This is our private conversation. Only a girls' private conversation.
[speaker004:] I promise, of course.
[Shelley:] You see Warren's one? See Warren's one?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] That's lovely, lovely, lovely, lovely!
[Josie:] [screaming] [LAUGHTER] [].
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] And, and [LAUGHTER] you know Daniel
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] that, that... it's nice and shapely, you know. I'd like to, you know, just sort of like [shouting] Zan, bend over []!
[speaker004:] [shouting] Zan, bend over []!
[Shelley:] Excuse
[Josie:] Ah ah.
[Shelley:] let me have a look.
[Josie:] There's nothing there.
[Shelley:] Well you can't, you can't, you can't
[Josie:] There is nothing there.
[Shelley:] you can't, you can't really see but, you know, you just have to... you know... you know
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] That's mine.
[Josie:] No, you're not doing nuffink.
[Shelley:] No you're not budging Janet! That's nasty.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [whispering] Can you hear me []?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] Say
[speaker004:] Warren's got a nice bum. She said Warren's got a nice bum.
[Warren:] Oh.
[Josie:] Daniel walk up ahead and let's see yours. Your sister's not allowed to comment on yours though. Cos if she does she's a bit of a pervert.
[speaker004:] Will you keep still.
[Josie:] You're too tall!
[Shelley:] Mm.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Vision
[Josie:] Turn, turn, turn, turn
[speaker004:] You said it in my ear.
[Josie:] turn, turn, turn. That's was my indicator impression.
[speaker004:] Oh right.
[Josie:] It's good innit?
[speaker004:] Yeah. I suppose so.
[Josie:] What d'ya mean you suppose
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] If you say so [].
[Josie:] I got Idan on this tape telling me he loves me.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] So sweet.
[Shelley:] Fucking lying cunt!
[Josie:] Zang is a prat! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Do you want to stay there?
[Josie:] No! This is girls' talk.
[Shelley:] It's really personal.
[Josie:] Yes we are. Come on, let's talk. [whispering] Come on then []. Excuse me!
[speaker004:] Yes?
[Josie:] It's my drink. You deaf
[Shelley:] It's my ear!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Oh sorry []. Oh sorry!
[Shelley:] Get Warren. Warren, just nicked my Coke! I have the evidence on tape. Gimme! Gimme! Don't open it. Don't shake it!
[Warren:] Don't open it! Don't shake it!
[Shelley:] It's not mine you know.
[Warren:] [mimicking girlie voice] It's not mine you know [].
[Shelley:] It's not mine. It's my daddy's.
[Josie:] [mimicking American accent] Your daddy's []?
[Shelley:] Yeah, I'm gonna give it to him.
[Josie:] Mm.
[Shelley:] It's his birthday present. Now give me it back!
[Josie:] Mm mm. Bit tight though.
[Shelley:] [mimicking crying] I want my can of Coke back []. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Gimme it! No I'm turning it off now.
[Josie:] [singing] Woh oh oh oh oh []
[Warren:] Oh go on please.
[Josie:] No. I'm turning it off now.
[Warren:] Hel
[Josie:] I think Daniel's a bit violent... myself.
[Shelley:] So
[Josie:] So... what's the situation with you and your wife... Shelley?
[Daniel:] Shelley....
[Josie:] Yeah, what's the situation, come on, between you and your husband today?
[Shelley:] He said he abused you and
[Josie:] I'm his daughter and he abused me!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Come on.
[Shelley:] Well... I can't
[Josie:] Come on! Wha, what's the situation?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Well I'd leave him [].
[Josie:] Warren, she said she's leaving you.
[Warren:] Fucking!
[Josie:] She said you're a fucking bastard!
[Warren:] Ooh!
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] What are you saying []?
[Daniel:] I think your glasses are on.
[Josie:] Come on, come on, come on, come on! Come on!
[Shelley:] Whose are they?
[Warren:] Mine.
[Shelley:] Are they yours?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] Zang, let me try them on.
[Josie:] [singing] Hello oh! []
[Daniel:] Let me Zang.
[Josie:] [singing] Oh oh []!
[Daniel:] They look alright you know.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Warren:] You look fucking good!
[Shelley:] Wanna turn it off now?
[Josie:] Can you get closer to the
[Shelley:] Sorry!
[Warren:] You look like a poof!
[Josie:] Is it, is it taping?
[Warren:] Yep.
[Josie:] Come on then.
[Daniel:] Are you taping.
[Josie:] This is just an excuse for him to walk
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Well they []
[Josie:] next to me, close. You try them on.
[Daniel:] No..
[Josie:] There, there.
[Shelley:] Bu, are they actually glasses?
[speaker004:] Yep.
[Josie:] Yes they bloody are! Everybody asks us that.
[Shelley:] Oh yeah. Just give them here.
[Josie:] Let's have a look. Let me have a look. It's good... see if they'll fit.
[Shelley:] Ha. Good innit? Does it make me look clever? [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Makes you look quite thick if you ask me.
[Shelley:] Makes me look like Phoebe. Thanks.
[speaker004:] It's okay.
[Shelley:] !
[speaker004:] In that episode right she gets pregnant
[Josie:] And er, Todd dies.
[speaker004:] and she, he, she goes down to the abortion centre right after [LAUGHTER] and he dies []!
[Warren:] And Todd gets run over.
[Josie:] He gets run over by a truck.
[Warren:] Yeah, I know that as well.
[Josie:] Yeah he gets run over. Ah ah! Splat! Todd's everywhere!
[speaker004:] Was he in, in this one?
[Warren:] [LAUGHTER] like that []?
[Josie:] What's
[speaker004:] Dreadful!
[Josie:] the matter?
[speaker004:] You know Mr... he's, he's not gonna be our head of year any more.
[Warren:] I'm happy.
[Josie:] What a shame.
[Shelley:] But I ain't gonna be there long anyway so
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] So... oh oh!
[Josie:] [humming]
[Shelley:] But if, but if [LAUGHTER] []
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Shut up you old tart!
[Josie:] Ooh ooh! Language please! [singing] Come on, come on, come on, come on! []
[Shelley:] Shut up!
[Josie:] [singing] [].
[Shelley:] You got it on? Ha!
[Josie:] Come on, come on.
[Shelley:] Well have you?
[Josie:] Yes I have got it on.
[Shelley:] [singing] Come on, come on, come on, come on, []
[Josie:] Shut up!
[Shelley:] [singing] I'm falling []!
[Josie:] If you shout too loud
[Shelley:] Come on, come on
[Josie:] in the microphone it cuts out on me.
[Shelley:] Oh sorry.
[Josie:] I can't hear now.
[Shelley:] Ooh sorry!
[Josie:] I'll have to turn it up again. Oh it's alright now.
[Shelley:] I'm sorry!
[Josie:] So, can I come over on Saturday?
[Shelley:] Yes you... mm mm!
[Josie:] Sexy! Phworgh!
[Shelley:] What?
[Josie:] Ah! [sigh]
[Shelley:] Yeah you can come round Saturday. Invite Warren.
[Josie:] Invite Warren.
[Shelley:] And Mark. And not Mark
[Josie:] You can ask Warren to bring Mark.
[Shelley:] I'll invite Mark. But,o... I keep talking to this. So he said... spin on it!
[Josie:] Spin on what?
[Shelley:] Ah, he gets on my nerves sometimes. He's such a flipping bastard! I mean, I've got... I'll tell you... if he's coming it right I'm gonna get some and beat him up.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Can I watch?
[Shelley:] No. You'll have to go and buy tickets then.
[Josie:] Thank you very, very, very, very much.
[Shelley:] [mimicking] My name is Freda. I come from []
[Josie:] [mimicking Swedish accent] Sweden. Sweden, I come from Sweden. []
[Shelley:] [mimicking] from Sweden. []
[Josie:] [mimicking Swedish accent] I eat cheese. Ya [].
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]... [singing] [].
[Josie:] [mimicking Swedish accent] Yes I, I come from Sweden, I eat lots of cheese, ya [].
[Shelley:] [singing] []
[Josie:] [singing] Give me your hand []
[Shelley:] [singing] Give me your hand... darling. []
[Josie:] [singing] darling. []
[Shelley:] [singing] And you still know how to... do you se... do you feel the same... am I only dreaming or is this burning []
[Josie:] [singing] Am I only dreaming or is this burning [] Shut up!
[Shelley:] [singing] an eternal... flame. [].
[Josie:] Bed and breakfast. You've just missed the bus.... Come on.... Ah ah ah ah ah. Oh my God! [traffic noise]
[Shelley:] This traffic is bloody terrible!
[Josie:] Terrible!
[Shelley:] Come on! We'll miss the bloody.
[Josie:] Oh oh! Come on! Now! Now! Run! There's, that's our bus.... We're gonna die! We're not gonna make it.
[Shelley:] There's two buses. Which stupid person that bloody!
[Josie:] Ah?... [LAUGHTER]... There's your mum.
[Shelley:] What?
[Josie:] Yeah Shelley. I'll see you later. Is that your mum?... Alright.... Some people! [sighing] Oh dear []. Right, I've started.
[Kerry:] Okay?
[speaker004:] Kerry! Come in.
[Kerry:] What?
[speaker004:] Gotta do your maths homework
[Josie:] Let's hear your speech Kel.
[Kerry:] Who told you?
[speaker004:] No, go on.
[Josie:] What was it, Malcolm X is a... Malcolm X
[speaker004:] Go on.
[Kerry:] The black nigger!
[Josie:] He was a black nigger! Right. So
[Kerry:] But a, a black nigger what? He was a black nigger what?
[Josie:] No, stay away from you!
[Kerry:] Go on. He was a black nigger what?
[Warren:] He was a black rude boy.
[Kerry:] He was a black rude boy. Really? And you, what do you think Malcolm X is about?
[speaker004:] Fucking
[Warren:] I dunno if I feel like doing this shit.
[Kerry:] No, she's not
[speaker004:] Yeah right.
[Kerry:] she's not, she's not. What do you think, what do you think, what do you think Malcolm X wa, X was about?
[Truno:] Ah! Now tha,tha that black chap
[Warren:] Yeah, that black prat face.
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Warren:] So what's the difference between black and... Malcolm X?
[Josie:] Well actually I like Margaret Thatcher cos she's a
[Truno:] Well there's more violence in it.
[Josie:] white dude!
[Truno:] And th, there's, there's more violence. I believe what Malcolm X... and erm... Malcolm is a king, erm
[Kerry:] Believed in.
[Truno:] bu, believed in... but no more violence. No more violence... or anything.
[Kerry:] Oh oh. Oh. Right. Well what, so what do you suppose Malcolm X and Martin Luther King
[Warren:] They're all black niggers!
[Kerry:] Fuck you! Fucking!
[Truno:] No!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] Fuck you! Oh hang on.
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Is that a joke. You're not joking?
[Kerry:] Yeah but that's not funny right?
[Warren:] What?
[Kerry:] Okay then. Fuck you!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] Fuck you!
[Truno:] Yeah! Yeah!
[Kerry:] Fuck you!
[Warren:] Fuck up! Fuck up! [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] What with my?
[Josie:] Shut up!
[Warren:] My, my
[Kerry:] You wanna shut your mouth! Shut up!
[Warren:] Oh!
[Josie:] What do you have
[Warren:] Oh!
[Josie:] to say Della?
[Truno:] Shut! Shut up!
[Warren:] Oh good grief start the dog off.
[Kerry:] Fuck off!
[Warren:] Fuck you!
[Kerry:] [shouting] I'm a black man! So, get the fuck off! Fuck []!
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] Ow! Right woman! D'ya wanna fight till you're [shouting] you're dead []!
[Josie:] You're dead!
[Warren:] You're a dead girl!
[Kerry:] No!
[Josie:] You are gone! Bye-bye.
[Warren:] Speech, speech, speech, speech!
[Josie:] Speech, speech, speech!
[Truno:] You black
[Kerry:] I'm black... and I'm a nigger! [LAUGHTER]... Fuck you!
[Warren:] Er er, er er er
[Josie:] Er er!
[Warren:] er
[Josie:] Really? Really? We didn't know that. We didn't know that. Sorry Kerry I thought you were Chinese, you know.
[speaker004:] Urgh! Urgh! Er, er er, er er, er er, er er!
[Kerry:] Malcolm X
[Josie:] Kerry that's not that's to keep the vampire away. Pete.
[speaker004:] Boo ooh! Rubbish! Boo ooh! Boo Kerry, you're late.
[Josie:] They're thinking
[speaker004:] Boo!
[Josie:] Malcolm X shit.
[speaker004:] Rubbish! Talk about.
[Josie:] Look at him, he's so ugly!
[speaker004:] Oh, don't you like him?
[Josie:] It is so damn ugly!
[speaker004:] Oh! Kerry's not allowed to mention that.
[Josie:] Innit? With your little
[Kerry:] Oh no!
[Josie:] glasses and your little
[Kerry:] Oh no!
[Josie:] Ah!
[Kerry:] Look at his
[Josie:] Look at his t-shirt! Look at his t-shirt!
[speaker004:] But he's so black.
[Kerry:] I'm black and I'm proud of it.
[speaker004:] Oh! Black woman! I'm not black I'm a
[Kerry:] Wow!
[speaker004:] Chink. I'm a Chink. Oh my God! You owe
[Kerry:] Now black negro.
[speaker004:] You owe thirty P.
[Kerry:] Ya. Yeah but you're a half negro.
[speaker004:] Thirty eight's not very good.
[Kerry:] You're a half negro.
[speaker004:] I'm a half negro.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] What are you? You're the piddly one. Yeah?
[Kerry:] Er, I'm you're a raga.
[speaker004:] Yeah, well raga what? What part of you, you?
[Kerry:] Yeah I'm a raga. You know, a raga.
[Truno:] Oh maybe, you saying I am a raga.
[Josie:] Kerry, come back when you've got some trousers that actually fit you, okay? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I'm here!
[Warren:] Bubble.
[speaker004:] I'm here! [singing] []. Woo woo woo woo woo woo woo woo!
[Josie:] All mad!
[speaker004:] [rapping] You better phone number one, and this is gonna go, and she's gonna have fun.. Don't blame it on the mother-fucking...... and I could fill the whole fucking, A is for apple, K is kill, I'm killing, killing if you wanna rock that there, come on. I'm rocking to the []. [LAUGHTER]... Aargh! Aargh! I did it!
[Josie:] That was good. That was very good. That was
[Kerry:] But you haven't
[Truno:] Don't know the rest.
[Kerry:] got the rest of it.
[Truno:] Don't know the rest.
[Kerry:] You forgot the rest
[Truno:] Um.
[Kerry:] of it. Yeah, you didn't get it. You didn't get it.
[Truno:] I'm a Brixton man!
[Josie:] Hackney! Wah!
[Truno:] I'm a Brixton man!
[Kerry:] Brixton man what?
[Truno:] I'm a Brixton man, okay?
[Kerry:] But you're a Brixton man what?
[Truno:] I'll show you up, man, I'm telling you.
[Kerry:] Yeah?
[Truno:] [shouting] Bum! Bum []!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Aargh! Aargh! Aargh!
[Truno:] It
[Josie:] Truran, Truran, Truran, let me just tell you, I'm tape recording you not [LAUGHTER] filming you. He's looking at, he's
[Truno:] I know. I know.
[Josie:] Have you noticed the way I keep going... er er, mm mm.
[Truno:] [shouting] Bang! Bang []!
[Kerry:] Where's he get that from?
[Truno:] I could have just
[Josie:] Did you know, cos you did you hear about yesterday when erm... when that lot smashed the Jewish people's window?
[Kerry:] Yeah. Yeah. I did actually?
[Josie:] Yeah? D'ya know they done it again?
[Kerry:] I know but the
[Josie:] Twice. The police are after them now.
[Kerry:] Are they?
[Josie:] Yep. And d'ya know it
[Truno:] And they'll get them.
[Josie:] it was War, it was erm... Kevin
[Kerry:] Oh yeah, might have known.
[Josie:] Mark, Warren, and
[Kerry:] Oh God!
[Josie:] Roger and all that lot. The police
[Kerry:] Woh oh!
[Josie:] are after them now. They've done loads of them. Not just Jewish people, all different people's cars.
[Truno:] Well if they be racist.
[Kerry:] Mm mm, mm mm.
[Truno:] Found any rowing jobs yet?
[Kerry:] No, I'm going rowing down the rowing club.
[Josie:] You're going rowing?
[Kerry:] Yeah!
[Josie:] Rowing?
[Kerry:] You got to get some exercise.
[Josie:] What to get rid of your big bum?
[Kerry:] What big bum?
[Josie:] Ow! Sorry!
[Kerry:] Who's got a big bum?
[Truno:] Josie's fifteen wi, in May, in May.
[Kerry:] She's fifteen in May?
[Josie:] I'll be fifteen in a couple of weeks.
[Kerry:] Blimey!
[Truno:] Kerry's not fifteen yet!
[Josie:] I wish I had a video camera to tape your pretty head.
[Truno:] Josie's not fifteen yet!
[Josie:] Kerry likes [singing] Malcolm X. Kerry is a batty man. He fancies Michael. He's fancies Michael []. This is cool. Woo woo!... Shut up you fool!
[Kerry:] ... you wear shirts... and it
[Josie:] Women
[Kerry:] don't matter what
[Josie:] women do not snore, or burp, or fart, therefore they must bitch, or they will blow up.
[Kerry:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] That is really good. I just got my dad going. Women do not snore burp, or fart, therefore we must be bitchy... or they will blow up.
[speaker004:] Yeah. My point exactly.
[Josie:] Shana, I don't wanna see your tits particularly.
[speaker004:] Well get out the place then!
[Josie:] God!
[speaker004:] Get out of the place.
[Josie:] Go, [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] Smoking marijuana now.
[Josie:] You!
[Truno:] I'm smoking pot.
[Josie:] Are a dirty good-for-nothing Malcolm X thingamajig. Malcolm X. Was it taping?
[Kerry:] He isn't.
[Truno:] Yes man.
[Kerry:] It's okay honest.
[Josie:] What now?
[speaker004:] Yes!
[Josie:] Oh.
[Truno:] Fuck! Oh! A black lady coming in!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] Boom! Boom!
[Josie:] Truan... you just blew my microphone again.
[speaker004:] Hey! Hey! Don't touch me like that please.
[Truno:] I'm a Brixton man! You don't mess with Brixton man okay?
[speaker004:] Truan, shut up! We er we
[Josie:] Shana that's a really nice plastic bag you've got on there.
[Truno:] Hey Shana we're talking Brixton, okay? I'll get a killer, I'll get you killed. And I'll get you killed like that. Okay?
[Josie:] What like,li,wha what what?
[Truno:] Like... I got ya! Got ya!
[Josie:] Ya! Ya.
[Truno:] Hey,.
[Josie:] I thought it was pings.
[Truno:] Yeah. No, no, he sings.
[Josie:] Oh sings?
[speaker004:] Are you going home tonight?
[Truno:] Eh eh! It'll be, hey! [shouting] [].
[Josie:] Ow!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... Bang? Jo, where d'ya get that bag from?
[Josie:] Ha?
[speaker004:] Where d'ya get the bag?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Gimme some of that.
[Truno:] , eh eh! Wild man! Wild man! Woh! Wild man! Woh! Woh! Woh!
[Josie:] Come on, let's hear Della speak.
[Truno:] Della. Della.
[Josie:] Got ya. [dog barking] That's really good. I like that. [music] You going jogging Shana? On your own? I get a stitch I get a stitch by the time I reach the telephone box.... I'll just inform you lot... Shana is going jogging... cos... she likes jogging, but she puts a black bin liner all over her body so she sweats.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Across her arms
[speaker004:] Did you know?
[Josie:] across her tits
[speaker004:] D'ya know that?
[Josie:] so she sweats
[speaker004:] Did you know that?
[Josie:] Yeah. I knew.... I mean I saw her at eleven o'clock at night going jogging with a plastic bag wrapped around her arms. Let me just pick this music up. What?
[Truno:] Has it finished?
[Josie:] Erm, wait a minute I think your tape's finished.
[Truno:] Don't, not... I'm not gonna stand here... so
[Josie:] No, the tape ain't finished.
[Truno:] Okay. I'm gonna shoot you now, I'm gonna shoot you now. You're gonna be dead.
[Josie:] You're gonna shoot me and I'm gonna be dead. Alright then, go on.
[Truno:] [shouting] Bang []!
[Josie:] Ah! Urgh! Ah! [LAUGHTER] Call an ambulance []! I am dying!
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I think we should do that again though cos like
[Truno:] Look at him looking at me.
[speaker004:] Yes. Do it once more
[Truno:] I'm a black man! Okay. From Brixton... come down to Hackney. To fight any man
[Josie:] Have you noticed that
[Truno:] to fight any man
[Josie:] Truna isn't a white man by the way
[Truno:] any man
[Josie:] Truna is black, okay?
[Truno:] Any man!
[Josie:] I don't know if that point has been put across yet, but Truna is black.
[Truno:] Yeah. I'll fight any man
[speaker004:] Yeah, well that's why he did it.
[Truno:] any man, okay? Let them come. Okay?
[Josie:] Considering Truna's only a tiny bit taller than me.
[Truno:] Me, me I'm a Brixton
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] man, okay?
[Shelley:] Truna, calm down.
[Josie:] Considering Truna's only just a teenager.
[Shelley:] Just calm down. Why are you talking about Brixton for?
[Truno:] Cos I am a Brixton man.
[Shelley:] No, no, no, no.
[Josie:] No you're a Hackney man Tru, Truna.
[Truno:] Okay, a Hackney man.
[Shelley:] Now why are you
[speaker004:] He's being biased. Why are you being biased?
[Truno:] I'm a Brixton man.
[speaker004:] You're a Brixton man?
[Josie:] Let's go and tell some Brixton men that he's saying he's a Brixton man, when he's not he's a Hackney man.
[speaker004:] Right, he's a Brixton man.
[Truno:] Just tell.
[speaker004:] What? Truan, is any Brixton man ha, hear you're from er Hackney right Right. Brixton man don't like Hackney man as it already. Okay? Don't even talk to me about that!
[Truno:] Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!
[speaker004:] Don't even try it!
[Truno:] Eh eh!
[speaker004:] About eh! About eh what?
[Truno:] Yeah!
[speaker004:] You're gonna have to cool yourself.
[Truno:] Eh yeah! Yeah.
[speaker004:] You just wanna cool yourself
[Truno:] Eh yeah!
[speaker004:] about eh. Hey, I'll give you
[Truno:] Hey yeah!
[speaker004:] eh. Eh! About eh.
[Truno:] Ya ya. [music]
[speaker004:] [singing] Why don't you move your body. []
[Truno:] Yeah. Ya.
[speaker004:] [singing] Oh Lord []! What are you doing?
[Shelley:] Are you as well?
[Josie:] Are we going? Are we going?
[speaker004:] Yeah, yeah.
[Josie:] Come on then. See you later you lot!
[speaker004:] Where you going? Where you going?
[Josie:] Shout goodbye to me.
[speaker004:] Bye.
[Josie:] Shout goodbye to me.
[speaker004:] Bye! Stop the tape. Don't even tape this.
[Josie:] [screaming] Woo ooh []!... I don't know if I'll be allowed, I'll have to ask cos... you know how it is.
[Kerry:] Up, upstairs. We're not going back to that erm
[Josie:] Right, well I'll go and ask while you're there. Come on Tru. You can walk down with me and talk to me Tru. Right. How was school today Tru? And let's talk civilized here.
[Truno:] My money!!
[Josie:] Five P! Oh my good God!
[Truno:] No fifty P. All my money!
[Josie:] How was school today Truan?
[Truno:] Mm. School was okay. Had to go to, school was okay.
[Josie:] Just that little... pretty voice like that.
[Truno:] Like this. [singing] That, and this and... and that, and that [] [singing] and this and that, ooh []!
[Josie:] [singing] That and like and like that []! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
[Truno:] Yeah, well I did.
[Josie:] See you later.... [singing] Ding dong merrily on high... heaven [] [dog barking]... There's my dog. It's called Dempsey. [dog barks]. [dog growling]... [singing] Ding dong merrily on high []. Hello Fran.
[speaker004:] Hello. Don't! Be careful Jo cos we're, we're ma, we're mak, we're doing something.
[Josie:] You're, you're doing something. Alright?
[speaker004:] Here we go!
[Josie:] Mum. Can I
[speaker004:] What?
[Josie:] go over to New Flats for a little while? To get some taping.
[speaker004:] Yeah, but make sure, you know [shouting] No []! [shouting] No []! Shut up Fran.
[Josie:] Where are all the
[speaker004:] I did
[Josie:] tapes gone?
[speaker004:] Er, in that
[Josie:] Oh yeah. Thanks.
[speaker004:] No! Can you take Dempsey for a walk?
[Josie:] Er... yeah.
[speaker004:] [whining] Mum, I wanna go. I wanna, I wanna []
[Josie:] [singing] Ding dong merrily on high. Dum dee dum. In heaven we are singing. []
[speaker004:] Jo!
[Josie:] [singing] Ding dong [] What?
[speaker004:] Come here.
[Josie:] What?
[speaker004:] Can... can I borrow them earphones?
[Josie:] No, they're not mine. They're
[speaker004:] Erm
[Josie:] er school's earphones. They belong to my school.
[speaker004:] What! [whining] I want to come with you [].
[Josie:] [mimicking whining] No []!
[speaker004:] Look! What are they mine?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Thanks.
[Josie:] So what you gotta say about Glen? So what is it?
[Kerry:] Glen, is a batty rider. He loves riding up and down. Glen is a batty man.
[Josie:] So why is he? [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] He does daft things... Glen's a cheap
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Stop []
[Kerry:] Glen is a cheap, don't forget that.
[Josie:] Stop a minute, bend over, I've gotta write down... erm... who's talking to me. Er er... I just gotta write down... who's talking to me. Kerry.
[Kerry:] Me. Your best friend. Best
[Josie:] Alright then. Josie.
[Kerry:] My best, best friend.
[Josie:] Alright.
[Kerry:] Best, best, best, best friend!
[Josie:] Occupation? Pupil. Ah! My pen's running out.
[Kerry:] Oh my.
[Josie:] Student. Have you got a pen Kel?
[Kerry:] My brother's usually got a pen.
[Josie:] Wait a minute, I just gotta erm... what are you? A best friend.
[Kerry:] Best, best, best friend!
[Josie:] Best, I ain't got enough room for all of that. Friend. Erm... flats. Flats. Erm... New flats,. Oh it's alright, it's working again now.... Come on then.
[Kerry:] She can't hear.
[Josie:] I can hear actually. In fact, I can hear everything you're saying... clearly. I've never heard anything so clearly in my whole entire life.
[Kerry:] Can you hear that?
[Josie:] Yeah, I can you. Some boy come up to my microphone and burped down it, I nearly died! What's this?
[Sean:] How are you? You alright?
[Kerry:] Not bad. Fine.
[Josie:] Alright then, I'll meet your friend. Who's your friend?
[Kerry:] I'd say, I would, I'd take the bags.
[Josie:] Yeah me. Who's the friend Kel? Hit me with it.
[Kerry:] What did he... yeah he got through to Russia.
[Sean:] He got, that's what, are you taping it?
[Josie:] Okay then.
[Kerry:] Jessica.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Jessie! Yeah. again. Eh?
[Kerry:] Jessie, get your big bum here!
[Jesica:] What?
[Kerry:] Get in the car.
[Josie:] [humming]
[Jesica:] Hello.
[Josie:] [humming]
[Kerry:] Is Virginia in?
[Jesica:] Hello.
[speaker004:] No,
[Josie:] Hi!
[Jesica:] What?
[Kerry:] Yeah.
[Jesica:] You going to the shop?
[Josie:] Hi.
[speaker004:] Hello.
[Kerry:] Come sister.
[Jesica:] Why?
[Kerry:] Come and speak to Josie.
[Jesica:] Am I going to speak to Josie.
[Kerry:] Come and speak to Josie.
[Jesica:] Alright. I won't hear.
[Kerry:] Come and speak to Josie. Urgent.
[Jesica:] Okay.
[Kerry:] [LAUGHTER]... Louise. Where's she go?
[Josie:] Ha? I dunno.
[Kerry:] Come in.
[Josie:] Oh right. Thanks.
[speaker004:] Yes. When I came here
[Kerry:] Ha? No, I I, I don't know who did it.
[speaker004:] No! No!
[Jesica:] Jo.
[Josie:] Hi!
[Jesica:] Hello.
[Josie:] Hello. Was How are you?
[Jesica:] Fine thanks.
[Josie:] How was school?
[Jesica:] Boring.
[Josie:] Boring?
[speaker004:] But... you made a lot.
[Jesica:] So
[Josie:] So come on Jess, come and make some conversation with me.
[speaker004:] Jessica?
[Jesica:] Why? Why? [tv on]... [LAUGHTER]... What is this?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER]... What is it?
[Kerry:] What?
[Josie:] Here are look, put this to your ear. Hello Jessica. Can you hear me?
[Jesica:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Right, I'm taping you.
[Jesica:] Oh right.
[Josie:] For a project.
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Jessie,
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER] No []!
[speaker004:] Jessica?
[Jesica:] No I
[speaker004:] Jessie!
[Jesica:] Yeah? Okay, you wanna put this on the table?
[Josie:] Er er
[Kerry:] You see?
[Jesica:] What?
[Kerry:] You see?
[Jesica:] I see, and I'll have those Hu Hula Hoops.
[speaker004:] I love ya?
[Jesica:] No.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER] I love, yeah []!
[Kerry:] [LAUGHTER]... You're no good over there.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jesica:] She said... if you're his girlfriend.
[Josie:] Urgh!
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER]... No. Why?
[Josie:] Wouldn't waste my time.
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] No?
[Jesica:] I'll do
[Kerry:] She says why?
[Josie:] Why?
[Kerry:] No, it's not, no, no, no.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] She didn't really say that?
[Jesica:] She says that, she says, she says she said you're, you're nice, you're pretty, you know, whatever.
[Kerry:] No, she got it [LAUGHTER] really []!
[Josie:] No, no, no, no.
[Kerry:] [LAUGHTER] []!
[Josie:] No, oh oh, no, no okay. You got that wrong, you're not pretty. You're not pretty. It's Malcolm X look alike here. I've got it all down on tape what he thinks about Malcolm X.
[Jesica:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... It's very, very interesting.
[Jesica:] No. Very boring. Have it on tape?
[Josie:] Well the wes, wait a minute, let me stop it a sec.
[Sean:] Get off the bike!
[Josie:] Well I can't? I wanna go
[Sean:] Don't sit on the back of the bike.
[Josie:] Ow! [LAUGHTER]
[Kerry:] Get off the bike!
[Sean:] Come here. Joseph wants you.
[Josie:] Ally come here. Ally, what do you think of Stoke Newington's score?
[speaker004:] Hmm!
[Josie:] Don't you think it's crap?
[Sean:] I'd say good. Are you a woman?
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] You've got a microphone there.
[Josie:] I haven't got a microphone.
[Sean:] Are you a woman?
[Josie:] Not a microphone! You're such a div! It's an earphone.
[speaker004:] Oh!
[Josie:] Shane, what do you think of Stoke Newington? It's a radio you div! [tut]! [shouting] You're so stupid []! I don't believe them.
[speaker004:] Play it then. Come on.
[Josie:] I've got earphones on, how can I play it to you?
[speaker004:] Well, if yo, if you're doing something but
[Josie:] Ha?
[speaker004:] You
[Josie:] I can't hear you. I'm playing my music Shane.
[speaker004:] Will it come out of here?
[Josie:] I ain't got speakers attached to me, you know what I mean, Shane!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I don't walk
[speaker004:] No, with
[Josie:] about with speakers like this.
[speaker004:] let it come out of that thing there. Let it come out of there.
[Josie:] [shouting] It can't come out it's a fuc
[Shelley:] It's the volume!
[speaker004:] So what is it then?
[Shelley:] It's the volume.
[speaker004:] Show me then.
[Josie:] Stereo Shane! Stereo!
[speaker004:] Well play it!
[Josie:] Right! Now what do you think of the school?
[speaker004:] Which one?
[Josie:] What a pussy!
[Sean:] Are you women?
[speaker004:] Well I'm not a man.
[Josie:] I think you are.
[speaker004:] I haven't got a cock. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] You're a lesbian
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] I haven't got a I haven't got one of them. I'm not a lesbian.
[Josie:] One of what Shane? Say it Shane! Go on say it!
[speaker004:] [shouting] I, I, I don't have a... [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Alright. Prepare to go to sleep.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Well I haven't got one of those.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Yes [].
[Sean:] Go....
[Josie:] Come on.
[speaker004:] You do it too. No you do it. No, you do it. I've got a wicked joke.
[Josie:] [shouting] Just, fucking tell me []!
[speaker004:] Alright! Alright! [LAUGHTER] There's this la, there's this girl right?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] And she says yes every time she got her bubble gum in, she says no when she ain't got the bubble gum in her mouth.
[Josie:] Right.
[speaker004:] Right? This man knocks on the door
[Josie:] Right.
[speaker004:] and he goes, can I come in? She goes yes,, she goes
[Josie:] Right.
[speaker004:] yes. And sh, lay one, he goes... can we go in your bedroom? And he goes yes, she goes yes.
[Josie:] He goes yes. Alright
[speaker004:] No
[Josie:] yeah.
[speaker004:] she goes yes, right.
[Josie:] Right, I'm listening. Come on.
[speaker004:] And she goes... can we sit down? And she goes yeah. And he goes... can we have sex? And she goes yes. She sa, and he goes... I haven't got a condom though, so can I use your bubble gum? She goes yes. So she pu, he puts it on then right
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] and he goes, is this hard enough? And she goes no. [LAUGHTER] Because she ain't got no bubble gum in her mouth []! He goes, is this hard enough still? And she goes no.
[Shelley:] [humming]
[speaker004:] She goes, is this hard enough, she goes yes. Cos he's su
[Sean:] Oh! Urgh! Urgh!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Sean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Sean:] That's a good one! Yes.
[Josie:] Alright, alright! Listen, listen! Vam, have I told you one about a, I've told you one about a vampires innit?
[speaker004:] No, no, no. Tell me then. Go on.
[Josie:] Right, three vam, a vampire walks into a pub and goes erm
[Shelley:] Oh yeah. I know.
[Josie:] excuse me, [mimicking romanian accent] I want a pint of blood [].
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] And the man goes sorry mate we don't do blood. And he goes, I want a pint of blood! So the man goes... ah, chops the dog's head off.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Sticks it in the cup, goes and gives it to him, he goes, [mimicking romanian accent] thank you []. And goes and sits in the corner. Second vampire comes in, [mimicking romanian accent] I want a pint of blood.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] He goes alright. Gives it to him. He goes, [mimicking romanian accent] thank you [], and go and sit down. Third vampire comes in, right, the other one goes and sits down, the third one comes in, he goes... yo! What's going down man? I want a pint of water. He goes, pardon? He goes, I want a pint of water.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] So he gives him a pint of water, he goes and sits with the other ones. And the other ones look at him, and they sort of look in their cups and going... er, how comes we got blood... and you got water? [LAUGHTER]... He goes, nah mate! Ain't you lot ever heard of tea bags? And he puts a Tampax in the water.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Very good.
[Sean:] How comes your jokes are sick?
[speaker004:] I got a joke.
[Josie:] Come on then, let's hear your joke.
[speaker004:] There's this man right and he's married to this woman called Lorraine, but because he had, meanwhile he was married to a woman called Lorraine and he had
[Josie:] So he was married to two women?
[speaker004:] No, he's going out with wo, a gi, a woman called Keilly, right?
[Josie:] Right. So he's married to Lorraine, and he's going out with Keilly?
[speaker004:] Yeah. Right?
[Josie:] Right.
[speaker004:] And Keilly says to him, if you erm, if you won't divorce your wife then I'll, I don't wanna go out with you any more. I don't wanna see you anymore. So, he goes home, he goes, I wanna divorce. They start arguing and everything and then... he just chucks her out the win
[Sean:] What?
[speaker004:] out of the balcony and he starts singing... [singing] I can see Keilly []
[Sean:] . So what? What day was this?
[speaker004:] [singing] now Lorraine has gone []. [LAUGHTER]
[Sean:] What?
[Josie:] It's another one of those jokes.
[Sean:] So what? Wow!
[speaker004:] Oh. Er so...
[Shelley:] Oh! And what was that other one about the...
[speaker004:] I like that one.
[Shelley:] about the sausages.
[Josie:] Alright! Alright! What's the difference between a
[speaker004:] Oi girls!
[Josie:] Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
[speaker004:] No oh!
[Josie:] My one's short. What's the difference between a prostitute and a cockerel? A cockerel goes cock-a-doodle-do, and a prostitute stands with her legs open and says any cock'll do.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] ... I've got one alright. There's this girl
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] my joke right? There's, no let me tell her. There's this girl and she comes home and she goes, mum... I wanna be like you. So she went out and buy everything that you've got. And she goes out into the street and she pulls her skirt up. No you can tell it. No right, there's this lady who was a prostitute and she'd got a daughter. And the daughter comes home from school one day, and says mum I wanna be like you. And then, the mum goes, okay dear I'll go out and get some stuff. So she goes out and gets some stuff right? Alright? Well I didn't see her. And she comes back and she goes..., so she goes out to Kings Cross right goes out in Kings Cross and sh, men walk, a man walks past... she goes... the man goes... [screaming] Aargh aargh []! Falls down quick
[Sean:] There were three women and they died at the same time so God goes cos you don't all three of you don't so, erm, the first one goes: I wanna go back to Earth... thousand times are better so she goes back as a President, right?
[Josie:] Is that all she could do?
[Sean:] A Prime Minister, a Prime Minister second one goes I wanna go back... thousand, thousand times better... so erm, sends him back as a queen. The third one goes I wanna go back million times better, a million times better!... And he sends him back as a man.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] All, all right, listen to this, listen to this right. No wait, there's three men, there's three men and they're all getting sent to prison but because they've been good they're all gonna get a wish. So he goes what do you want? He goes I want the beautiful page three girl, Samantha Fox. So he gets her. The second one the second man says I want a year's, I want ten years' supply of whisky, right, so they sling it in there. So the third man goes I want ten years' supply of cigarettes. So ten years later and the man comes back, the ma they cos they've never come and checked on them they just sling the food through a but open up the cell where the man had Samantha Fox and millions of little kids come running out, all different ages and sizes, millions of them. And Samantha Fox comes out like this... [panting] there's a big belly and the man comes out like this... and er [LAUGHTER] the drunk man just comes out, right, grrr [shouting] fuck off you cunts [] so they stick him back in. The third man comes out like this... he goes what's a matter with you? He goes you've got your cigarettes. [shouting] I didn't get no fucking matches, did I? []... That was my little joke that....
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Come on, let's hear some jokes!
[Petro:] I got
[Josie:] Come on then, let's hear your joke.
[Petro:] What's the difference between a tea bag and Arsenal?
[Josie:] And an arse hole?
[Petro:] And an Ar and Arsenal.
[Josie:] And Arsenal. What?
[Petro:] A tea bag can stay longer in the cup. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Alright, listen to this there's this, there's this, there's this. There's this aids
[speaker004:] [shouting] What are you... []
[Josie:] There's aids, there's aids, right. Listen, listen, listen. There's aids and he's chasing the bum and the bum's running [mimics running] and the aids is going come on you little bastard and he's going [mimicking squawk] leave me alone and so he runs up a tree and there's a bird there and he's got all bones on him, he's a s witch doctor... and the bird goes, and the bird goes, what's a matter? He goes [panting] help me! The aids gonna come and get me, I'm gonna die! So he goes, all right, don't worry about it, he goes [incantation sounds] pouff! He's a bird. So aids comes running up. Come on, where's that little bastard! I know he's in here somewhere. Come out! He goes you whistle. He goes [whistling] He goes you whistle. He goes [raspberry]
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER] I got one!
[Josie:] Yeah, I'll have an orange one. Give me an orange one! Just give me one of your orange ones. Take another one off there.
[Petro:] Oh, I gotta joke
[Sean:] You gotta a joke?
[Petro:] There's three spastics, there's three
[Josie:] I can't hear!
[Petro:] three spastics and they went to the ice-cream van. One went [mimicking mentally handicapped] can I have an ice-cream please? [] and the man shot him died. But erm, the next one went [mimicking mental handicap] can I have an ice-cream please? [] and the the man hit him over the with the head with a baseball bat and he died. The other one goes [mimicking mental handicap] can I have an ice-cream please? [] and like stabbed him and he died. Policeman come over and said why did you kill all these three, these three spastics. And he goes [speaking as if mentally handicapped] I thought they were taking the micky out of me. [] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Alright, listen. Right, listen, listen, listen, listen, listen! Right, I'm just thinking of it again. Right. You've probably hear all these. Right. There's this, there's this man and he, no I don't wanna say that one. Yeah, there's these three men and they're walking through the desert.
[speaker004:] Oh, I heard it. Oh yeah, I heard it.
[Petro:] Wait a minute, I haven't
[Josie:] You ain't heard it? They're walking through the desert and like, you know, they're gonna die, it's obvious and they see this house. Oh my god! A house! So the first man goes the house and he goes and opens the door and you hear the door. It goes [mimics door creaking] and, and this woman answers this woman's ugly and you've never seen anything... What's the ugliest person you've ever seen?
[Sean:] Shane
[Petro:] You!
[Josie:] No, what, no come on, who's the ugliest person you've ever seen?
[Sean:] Shane's mum! [LAUGHTER] Only joking. []
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, yeah, yeah. []
[Josie:] All right, take your mum and double it and triple her age and all warts and hairs and everything and she goes [mimicking witch] hello [] Yeah. Shut up! And he goes, he goes, he goes excuse me, can I have a glass of water? And she goes [mimicking witch] yes, and you can have all the food you can eat if you fuck me! [] And this woman's ugly, I'm telling you, there's pus growing off of her pus! Right? So he goes [shouting] oh, no way, man! [] and she kills him, right. So this man's weak. The second man comes, he says the same thing and his brother's waiting at the gate and she goes only if you fuck me! And he goes no man and he just walks away. So the third one comes up, the other one's brother, and he says yeah I will... but first of all you've got to give me a corn on the cob with lots of butter on it to make it all slippery. So, she gets the corn on the cob and she pulls gets the corn on the cob! Sticks it up her. She's going [panting] and she dies right, she's so happy, she's got a good one. And erm, he throws the corn on the cob, he goes inside gets a drink, eats some food cos there's loads of food cos you know... and he goes outside and he goes quick, quick, quick loads of food, loads of food, quick, come on, come on, come on, loads of food! He goes [slurp] ah, no thanks, somebody just threw away a lovely corn on the cob.
[Petro:] Oh yeah I get that, urgh I get it.
[speaker004:] Urgh!
[Josie:] It's the one he jagged up her!
[Sean:] He jagged up her
[Josie:] He jagged the corn on the cob up her pussy, and threw it and he goes no thanks, I just had a lovely corn on the cob. He eat it! It's just been up the woman's puss!... Imagine that, innit? It's gotta nice flavour to it, fishy kind of like.... So erm... Little ones, how's school?... [shouting] How's school? []... Hansell!...
[Sean:] Gotta a joke
[speaker004:] Yeah I do.
[Josie:] Come on then, let's hear it.
[speaker004:] Right.
[Josie:] Can you shut up and keep still! I can't hear him.... Shut up!
[speaker004:] Don't fucking hit me!
[Josie:] Ooh!
[Sean:] Ooh! [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Excuse me, did you just push me?
[speaker004:] No I never
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Josie:] All right, look! What's the, what's the, erm what can you put in your left hand but not in your right? Your right elbow. I mean, come on, it's a bit obvious. Well, what can you put in your left hand but not in your right? You can put, you can put, you can put, but you can't put your left hand in your right elbow. See Shane? I think you should stick to the knock, knock jokes.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Petro:] Knock, knock
[Josie:] No thanks.
[Petro:] I say knock, knock
[speaker004:] Who's there?
[Petro:] Thumper...
[Josie:] [singing]...
[speaker004:] I got one.
[Josie:] Right, let's hear it.
[speaker004:] little boy right learn his A B Cs for the next day [singing] a b c d []
[Petro:] Oh, I know this one!
[Josie:] [shouting] Shut up! []
[speaker004:] and he goes to his mum, Mum? and she's cooking he goes Mum?... erm What does A mean? Yeah what does Shall I say it? what's the first letter of the alphabet? And she goes fuck! Right, because she's cut herself. goes oh okay fuck. he goes to erm his dad and he goes
[Josie:] I've heard this but I've forgotten it.
[Petro:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] He goes to his dad... Dad, what's the fir what's the second letter of the alphabet? And he goes [humming] and he goes to his brother what's the, what's the third letter of the alphabet? And he goes He Man right. So he goes to school...
[Josie:] And the teacher says.
[speaker004:] Yeah, and the teacher says... tell me A B C and he goes fuck off and he goes and she goes how dare you speak to me like that! Who do you think you are? [humming] And he goes, No and she goes
[Josie:] Who do you think you are? He Man.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Right, listen to this one. There's, there's this Mummy bear, Daddy bear and Baby bear...
[speaker004:] Oh yeah I know this one.
[Josie:] and erm Mummy bear has to go away Bye! and Baby bear's feeling lonely [crying] and Baby bear goes, [mimicking baby voice] Daddy can I sleep with you tonight? [] And he goes no, fuck off, get into bed you dirty little shit!
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] And he goes please! He goes no you're go away. No, I want to go to bed with you! So he goes all right! Just get into bed! what are you doing Listen, he goes, he goes what's that? He goes that's my chicken. He goes what's that? He goes that's its eggs. He goes what's that? That's the nest. He goes can I play with your chicken? He goes no. He goes now turn round and go to sleep! He goes all right then. The man wakes up in hospital, right. And his son comes in. Dad. He goes what? He goes what am I doing in here? He goes I didn't mean to. He goes what? He goes well I was playing with your chicken like this... and it spat at me, so I bit its head off, clamped its eggs and set fire to its nest!...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Petro:] I've got one alright. Knock, knock
[Josie:] Ally, shut up! Knock, knock. This is the crap joke you were trying to say. No, it's will you all remember me in two years?
[Petro:] Yes.
[Josie:] Will you remember me in three years?
[Petro:] Yes.
[Josie:] Will you remember me in a month?
[Petro:] Yes.
[Josie:] Will you remember me in a century?
[Petro:] Yes.
[Josie:] Knock, knock.
[Petro:] Who's there?
[Josie:] You've forgotten me already....
[speaker004:] Right, here's a joke I like this one.
[Josie:] Oh, I've got a wicked one next this' ll make you crack up. I dunno.
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Listen to this, listen to this. Listen. Listen! This prostitute, this prostitute walking down the street giving it ooh, ooh, ooh, you know, trying to flash off her botty. And this man goes, right love, and he takes her in an alley way and she goes thanks, and like, he goes come on then, let's do it now. She goes what here? He goes yeah. She takes her clothes off, he goes [sniff] am I? What's that smell? She goes no it ain't you fucking stink, you dirty cat! And he puts his thing away and goes away. So she goes to the hospital. She goes to a doctor and the doctor says, right, get undressed behind the screen. She goes behind the screen and he goes [sniff] what's that smell? he goes get out, you dirty bitch! Go and get another doctor. Go to the hospital! So she goes to the hospital and they go right take your clothes off and put the gown on [sniff]... Get out, man, just, just go to a clinic. So she goes to a clinic and exactly the same thing happens. So she's walking past this church and she says if anyone can help me, God can help me. So she goes into the church. And there's a basin of holy water. She jumps into the basin and starts cleaning herself and she hears ching! And as the water goes she sees a nail in the water and she looks up and she see Jesus going like that....
[speaker004:] Oh yeah.
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Josie:] All right. What's this?... A pea on a fork.
[speaker004:] What?
[Josie:] A pea on the fork.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah!
[Josie:] And what's this?...
[speaker004:] Dunno.
[Josie:] It's a spider doing aerobics against the mirror.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah.
[Petro:] Oh yeah!
[speaker004:] Oh, listen, listen! How do you spell Oxfam without looking at your top?
[Josie:] How do I spell what?
[speaker004:] Oxfam without looking at your top.
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Pedro... How would you like to not see for a couple of days? Cos you'll be blinded by black eyes.
[Petro:] Ah, ah, ah, ah!
[Josie:] I'm not even doing anything.
[speaker004:] I know you're not.
[Petro:] Ah, ah, I know you are!...
[speaker004:] ...
[Josie:] No, it ain't. Right, I've got a joke. Jo's gotta joke, right. All right, there's this erm... there's erm, you won't get this one but I'll tell you it anyway because it's quite disgusting. There's this man, there's these three men and they go to an hotel.
[speaker004:] Right.
[Josie:] And erm they walk into the, the hotel and they say can we stay here and he goes yeah, you can stay here on one condition. As long as you don't go down into the attic, I'm sure I've told you this, he goes as long as you don't go down into the attic. So he goes, all right. Well anyway, it reaches night and the three of them go down into the attic. And they go down, there's this beautiful woman sitting there, right. Who's the most beautiful woman in the world?
[Petro:] Julia Roberts!
[Josie:] Ah look, Cindy Crawford. Take Cindy Crawford and double it, right. And she's sitting there with just a swimming costume on and they think
[Petro:] No, no, no, not Cindy Crawford.
[Josie:] Who?
[Petro:] That woman, you know that advert, the thingy she does
[Josie:] Right, the woman out of the advert, right.
[Petro:] No, the one in the poster she's upside down on the car!
[Sean:] No, it's just about, it's just a girl.
[Josie:] Right, her, oh yeah, the blonde-haired woman her right? No not, urgh! [screaming] Urgh! She's ugly. [] Anyway, they go down and they look this beautiful woman with the swimming costume on, I don't care who it is and on the shelf there's a line of cocks with, with with tongs next to them and all blood dripping off them. So she goes up to the first man and she goes, [mimicking sexy woman] hi, handsome, [] and he goes, [mimicking stupid man] hello, hello [] and he's erected, right. Pulls his trousers down and he's naked and she's standing there and erm and erm
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] and erm, [] and erm, and she goes, she goes erm, [mimicking sexy woman] so what does your daddy do for an occupation, baby? [] And he goes erm, [mimicking stupid man] my dad's a butcher. [] She goes chung! Butcher knife, chop it off, put it on the shelf, the man's dead. The next man goes up, [mimicking stupid man] hello. [] She goes [mimicking sexy woman] hello, cutey, wooty coochy coochy coochy bing! What does your daddy do? [] [mimicking stupid man] My dad's a mechanic. [] [mimics unscrewing+uncapping]
[Petro:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] Put it on the side, the man's dead. [raspberry] The third man comes up, he's laughing, he's not even having an erection he's just laughing. He's looking at her. She goes what does your daddy do? He goes sh work this one out, he's an ice cream salesman.... I knew you wouldn't get it. Work it out. How, how she, how's she gonna cut it off if he's an ice cream salesman?
[Petro:] licking it innit?
[Josie:] She'll have to suck it off!
[Petro:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] All right, one more. A man goes into the pub, you've all heard this but I'll tell you it again. A man goes in the pub, there's a bear sitting in the corner.
[Petro:] Oh yeah, yeah!
[Josie:] He goes up to the, he goes up to the bartender, he says excuse me, why is there a bear sitting over there? And he goes, this joke changes a little bit every time I tell you, I thought I'd warn you though. Right, he goes h excuse me, why is there a bear sitting there? He goes well, you know, we erm, well, don't ask okay, but just don't touch him, okay, cos he's dangerous just don't, anyway the man gets drunk, he's going [drunken sounds+belch] he's going like that he's excuse me, you're interrupting my joke. And he done [mimics vomiting] and it's all over this bear. And the bloke goes [mimicking drunk] I'll clean him up, I'm, I'm, I'm really sorry about that [] and he
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Petro:] I said can I have some?
[Josie:] and he goes no, he goes no, I'm not touching the bear I'm not touching the bear and he goes, and he goes
[speaker004:] He likes the green ones. I got a purple one.
[Josie:] ... he goes if you don't touch that bear you're scared of it. He goes [shouting] I ain't scared of no bear! [] and he goes had!... The bear goes [shouting] aargh! [] and the man's running out of the pub really fast, he's running like that.... [running sounds] and he thinks ha ha ha and he turns round grrr, aargh! He gets on, jumps on a bus. The bus is going too slow the bear's still going grrr, aargh! The man gets onto the train... the train goes wo, wo! He looks and the bear's hanging off it at the side, grrr! on the window and the man goes aargh! and the man runs off and he gets on he gets on an aeroplane the aeroplane [panting] and he's safe. Spinning around on the propeller, grrr, grrr, grrr! The man [screaming] aargh! [] and the man jumps out of the aeroplane gets back onto the train. The bear's on top of the train grrr! Looking through the little window going like that. The man [screaming] aargh! [] and the man's running. The man don't bother to get the bus the man just runs. He's going aargh! he wants [panting] And he goes, he goes to the bartender. He goes [panting] [raspberry] help me, help me please please please, get this bear away from me, please, get the bear away from me and the bear goes grrr! And the bear's behind all, all blood coming out and he's going and the man turns round and he goes [LAUGHTER]. And the bear's going [panting] aargh!
[speaker004:] Had. Did you get it?
[Josie:] Cos when he first hit him he went had. No, I could tell you a really boring joke that goes on for ages.
[Petro:] Go on then! Go on then!
[Josie:] All right, there's a fortune teller and the man goes to the fortune teller and the fortune teller goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes he goes he goes he goes i he goes I can't tell you, this is, this is, this is awful! All right, it's, it's worse than dying. He goes look, I'll write it down on an envelope, I'll put it in a little envelope and you look at it before you die, but promise me you won't look at it before you die cos if you look at it before you die, it'll happen to you. So the man goes all right. Man walks home and the man's depressed, he walks like this... he has to buy a new pair of trainers on the way home cos he's dragging his feet on the floor so much. So, he gets in the house and the woman goes to him, [mimicking woman] what's the matter, darling? [] Cos she's got one of them voices, you know. She goes [mimicking woman] what's the matter, darling? [] And he goes, he goes, he goes well, you know, and he tells her the story. She goes [mimicking woman] let me read it [] and she reads it and she goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and she goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and she goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and she goes [breathes in] and she goes [screaming] aargh! [] And she goes [mimicking woman] get out of my house now you little bastard! [] And he gets out. He won't argue with her cos she's. She's ready to kill. So he gets in a cab, he's got nothing, he just gets in a cab and he goes, he's sitting,sit sitting in the cab and the man goes what's the matter? He goes well, look and he tells the story. And he goes and my wife threw me out, I don't know what to do. He goes let me read it. goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes [shouting] Get out of my fucking cab, you dirty son of a bitch! [] He gets out of the cab, right. So he gets out of the cab. So he's walking down the street, trying ah, trying ah to get his mind off this and he gets on a train. And this posh man says to him... [mimicking posh accent] you know, erm, like what's the problem okay? [] And he tells him the story and he goes and the man threw me out of the taxi. He goes well, let me read it. Because, because I'm a complete stranger so I don't have to spend time with you at all, so you know. And he gives it to him and the man goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes [mimicking posh accent] get off of this train, now! [] And he goes you don't have to tell me and he goes [face-slapping noise] get off the fucking train. So the man gets off the train. The man gets on bus. Sitting on a bus. Bus conductor [tut], [tut], tickets please, [tut] [tut] tick what's a matter, mate? well you know and the man threw me off the train and listen, he goes come on gov, give me the letter I'll read it.... I done it silent, see. [panting] And he gets up and he goes [shouting] get off! [] This is my bus and I don't want you on it! So he gets off. So the man's walking down the street and this little Chinese kid comes up to him, man, [mimicking Chinese accent] Hello. If you come and work for me, this time next year you'll be millionaire. [] And it's twelve o'clock. So the man says all right. The man goes and works for him. It's five minutes to twelve, right, a year later and the man's just queuing up to become a millionaire and the Chinese man goes [mimicking Chinese accent] we are close friends, yeah, we've, we've ah so. You tell me why you were depressed when I first meet you. [] He goes all right then and he tells him. the man threw me off the bus and he goes all right then, let me read it. The man goes... He goes let me read it. So anyway,... he reads it
[Sean:] Oh, shut up, Petro!
[Josie:] And the Chinese man goes [breathes in] an and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes what? and he goes [breathes in] and he goes get off of my boat! I know the Chinese accent has disappeared now but he goes now! He goes I can't swim! He goes... he kicks him off [drowning noises] I can't swim, come back! So he goes [mimicking Chinese accent] you'd better read the note then! And he can't get the note out of his pocket and his trousers are all stuck to his bum, and he can't get them out and he's digging it looks like he's digging out his pants he's going... he pulls it out and takes the envelope off nearly and the waves are coming at him and he goes to read it and the wind blows it away.... I got you lot going [LAUGHTER] and the wind blows it away. []...
[Petro:] he's done all that and then
[Josie:] Yeah, he's just
[Petro:] Oh yeah....
[Josie:] No, that was the whole point of the joke cos you lot are all sitting there giving it...
[Petro:] What is it? What is it?
[Josie:] And then you say, well that's it and they say, I didn't want to know anyway.... Hold them a sec please... Can't you lot afford food?... Yes.
[Petro:] can't you afford food
[Josie:] Shut up!
[Petro:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Don't bother thinking about hitting me or saying anything about me cos I'm swear when I catch you I'll kill you.... [shouting] Shane, come here a minute please! []... Where have the earphones gone?
[Petro:] on the floor.
[Josie:] Where? Oh yeah. [shouting] Shane! []... What?
[Sean:] What's your name?
[Raphael:] Raphael.
[Josie:] [singing] Teenage mutant hero turtle [] oh sorry.
[Sean:] Where do you come from?
[Raphael:] West Yorkshire
[Sean:] What? Where?
[Raphael:] West Yorkshire.
[Josie:] Oh, he's so [LAUGHTER] cute! [] West Yorksh Oh don't, let him go. [shouting] Let him go he don't wanna talk! [] Petro, shut up! He's such a little shit. [raspberry] He's really good. God, what rhythm.... What rhythm!... That's all right, I'm just... why has he got an American flag wrapped around his head?
[Sean:] Because he's a
[Josie:] Oh right, he's meant to look cool.... [LAUGHTER] I understand.
[speaker004:] I get it.
[Josie:] Right....
[speaker004:] Right now Petro.
[Josie:] Dang, da da da dang!... Oh!... My ears. Ah, hurting from the earphones. Doo... No, don't go!...
[Sean:] Giving it a try?
[Petro:] Er?
[Josie:] Have you got Eco.
[Petro:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Can I lend it, whenever? I like it. I played it.
[Petro:] Do you know how to play it?
[Josie:] Yeah. Kerry showed me. I went up to his house when he had it.
[Sean:] What, what, what, where
[Josie:] When can I lend it?
[Sean:] What are you talking about?
[Josie:] Eco.
[Petro:] Eco.
[Josie:] I quite liked that. It was a bit shit but I liked it.
[Sean:] It was more than shit it was a load of shit.
[Josie:] Yeah, but you lot like fighting games. It's a nice little dolphin. [humming] When can I lend it?... Today? I ain't got anything. I've only got Batman and I can't give you Californian Games cos it's not mine.
[Sean:] Eco.
[Josie:] What?
[Sean:] woman. She's the biggest woman
[Josie:] Leave him! I think it's quite good. It's not the best game I've ever played but it's all right.
[Sean:] a woman. She's a woman he's not he's a man, he's a man! And he's what Eco the dolphin, is he a woman?
[Josie:] That's kind of like buying Barbie on Gameboy.
[Petro:] Barbie. No, but Barbie's... a woman.
[Sean:] Yeah
[Josie:] Really! God, that takes a lot of knowing that does. I mean I didn't realise cos she had these lumps coming out of her chest and I thought she had cancer. And I wondered what she had blonde hair for.
[Petro:] Yeah, all right, go and buy Barbie.
[Josie:] It would've
[Petro:] I bet he couldn't know whether it was gonna be good or but I bought it.
[Josie:] I think it's good. It's just a bit slow that's all. I think it's good, I liked it. I'd play it again.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[speaker004:] [shouting] Oh shit. []
[Josie:] J J, what's going on with J J.... What do you think? Do I look nice?
[Sean:] Rava.
[Josie:] Now tell me how to walk. How do I walk? I'm coming, I'm not staying here on me own. I've got nothing to talk about now. I'm pretty bored now. [singing] He's ringing your buzzer!
[Petro:] [shouting] I'm here you fool! []...
[Josie:] Virginia
[Sean:] Oh, it's really hot in here, Virginia, it's boiling!
[Petro:] Let's have a conversation with Virginia.
[Sean:] It's boiling! It's boiling! It's so hot, Virginia!
[Josie:] Get her to talk. Don't tell I'm taping her. Get her to talk
[Sean:] Hot innit?
[Josie:] If she asks what that is on my chest say it's a volume thing like a rad say it's, it's a radio.
[Sean:] It's hot innit? Boiling
[Josie:] But not unless she don't ask.
[Sean:] It's so hot, I better take my coat off....
[Vergina:] Yes.
[Petro:] Take it off then.
[Josie:] Are you gonna let your little brother to get away with that? Even I don't let him get away with that and he's not my little brother. Oh my god, he pushed you!
[Vergina:] I did say hi.
[Josie:] She did say hi! I just didn't hear her.... Oh, she went like this. Kel, Kel... anything good happening at school? Oh, she goes college! [whispering] Whoops! I thought she went to school. Sorry. []... Was there any fights. Mind you, I don't suppose you get many fights at college because they [mimicking posh accent] all talk like that. [] You know? And they all walk about and sit in circles [scream] you didn't have an argument with a teacher or anything interesting? Who with? Let's hear it.... Talk to me baby. Yeah, who with? Tell us the argument. What was it about?
[Vergina:] Because one of the typewriters is broken and she blamed it on me.
[Josie:] So what did you say to her? [shouting] Hey, bitch! [] No, sorry, what did you say?
[Vergina:] What you looking at me for?
[Josie:] What teacher was this? She become, Miss stupid cow!
[Vergina:] Mrs
[Josie:] Miss...
[Sean:] That's it.
[Josie:] Is that an alarm going off?... It's really loud.... It's really, really, loud.... Hi, Shane!
[speaker004:] Let me see your music. Let me hear your music.
[Sean:] It's really good music....
[Josie:] [shouting] In fact it's so good []... Good innit? [singing]
[speaker004:] Hello, my name's
[Josie:] Don't tell me your name I don't want, it's not live! It's it's just where, it's just where you're picking up everything. Say hello to me.
[Petro:] Hello.
[Josie:] Not you I've got you on there already. Talk to me. You cunt!... Goodbye! I wanna hear it.... No, say it!... Oh, I got it.... Okay, where else can we get some... [shouting] conversation! []
[speaker004:] Just wanted to talk to you.
[Truno:] What about?
[Sean:] You having dinner?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] What's for dinner?
[Truno:] Fish burgers, mashed potatoes and beans.
[Josie:] Can I have some?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] Oh thanks. Oh what!... Ice cream van.
[Sean:] oh, you're having dinner now?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Sean:] eat it?
[Truno:] I was kind of like in the middle
[Josie:] Well, Clint, can you come and talk to us when you've finished it?
[Truno:] Why?
[Sean:] We want to talk to you.
[Josie:] Because we want to talk to you!
[Truno:] Since when has he wanted to talk to me?
[Josie:] Since he started fancying you. [LAUGHTER] Not really, not really, not really. [] No he just... just come and talk to you.
[Truno:] What about?
[Josie:] About anything... odd.
[Truno:] Odd
[Josie:] That's why we can talk, talk about anything.
[Truno:] Ain't you gotta revise for exams.
[Josie:] I'm only a fourth year!
[Truno:] took my exams!
[Josie:] Good for you!
[Truno:] I had one on... Monday, Tuesday. Monday was a Science one and Tuesday was... Maths and tomorrow I've got Computering.
[Josie:] Well, you must take exams earlier cos we [LAUGHTER] don't. [] We usually,
[Truno:] It's mock.
[Josie:] we do ours, we'd done our Science and Maths and that was it [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] All right, see you later.
[Josie:] What, when do you want us to come and knock for you?... Well can't you just talk cos it's not long, just a couple of minutes just talk before you revise for a little while?...
[Truno:] [sigh] I don't know
[Josie:] Well just talk to us now for a second.
[Truno:] know what, like, John Major looks like. Pardon?
[Josie:] Talk now for a second.
[speaker004:] What's that?
[Josie:] What's that noise? Ooh, it hurts.
[speaker004:] Why?
[Josie:] Are your grades good?
[speaker004:] Yes.
[Josie:] [whispering] []
[speaker004:] None of your business.
[Josie:] Have you got a boyfriend?
[speaker004:] None of your business.
[Josie:] [mimicking] Business. []
[speaker004:] are you talking?
[Josie:] Good god! have you got any games
[speaker004:] What are you so interested about?
[Josie:] for your computer?
[Truno:] Erm, no only built-in ones.
[Josie:] What, built-in one's have you got?
[Truno:] Hang On and
[Josie:] Survival?
[Truno:] Survi
[Josie:] Oh I got that. Is that the one that goes do do do do, choo,
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] do do do do, choo, do do do do, choo. I really like that. I play it on my brother's computer. I'm always blowing the little ducks up they go, they're going like that and you shoot them and they turn into a It's really good. [LAUGHTER] I love the music. It goes do do do do, choo, do do do do, choo, do do do do, choo.
[Truno:] I've got the music?
[Josie:] It's really good. I like shooting,shoo
[Truno:] What are you listening to?
[Josie:] Radio.
[Truno:] Oh....
[Josie:] But the cars seem to be coming
[Sean:] What foot, football team do you support?
[Truno:] Arsenal.
[Josie:] All right, all right. Right. What's the difference between a tea bag and Arsenal?
[Truno:] Don't know.
[Josie:] The tea bag stays in the cup longer. [LAUGHTER]
[Sean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] You're terrible, Josie.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Truno:] need a brain transplant or something like that.
[Josie:] No, not me.
[Truno:] Why, what football team do you support?
[Josie:] I don't support a football team I support myself.
[Truno:] What football team do you support?
[Josie:] Gimme it Kel, Tottenham, Tottenham, Tottenham,
[Sean:] Yeah, that's it.
[Josie:] Tottenham, Tottenham! Wo!... Oh, stick her tongue under her chin there ooh like that, ooh. She's She's trying to, she's try she's trying to say something. Okay.
[Sean:] Right,
[Truno:] Yeah,
[Josie:] Right then and we'll talk.
[Truno:] About what?
[Josie:] See you later.
[Truno:] Talk about what?
[Josie:] Anything! I'm bored.
[Truno:] All right then. See you.
[Josie:] When I'm bored I talk to, about anything. Talk to anyone. [LAUGHTER] Arsenal. Did you hear her? [mimicking] None of your business. None of your business. []... Innit?
[Sean:] big mouth fancy him Oh my God
[Josie:] What did I say?
[Sean:] fancies you
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Malcolm X?... Nn... [LAUGHTER] Not really. [] The last film I saw was Thelma and Louise.... That was good. Well, it's about these two women and one of them's married and the other one's, like, she's got a boyfriend. And they go on holiday... and they're not supposed to, you know, they neither of them of told their boyfriend they go in this club... and one of them, the married one, starts dancing with this man and like he, he thinks cos she's dancing with him she likes him but she's just having fun. So he takes her outside and tries to rape her and the other one comes up with a gun and she says let her go. And he goes, he lets her go and everything and he goes, and when they walk away he goes stupid bitch! He goes I should've just fucked her! So she goes what did you say? He said cu suck my cock! And she shoots him. So they're running away from the police... and then they get all this money. But the money gets nicked, so... the one who's married, she goes and robs erm a store... and then, they, the policeman pulls them over and wants to take them in so they lock him in his boot. And then this man keeps driving past them and he keeps, like, making sexual remarks at them, so they pull him over and he, she goes don't ever do that to them again. He goes you two are fucking crazy bitches! And as he walks away they, he's ran because his lorry is filled with petrol and they blow it up. And then they got the police chasing them. It's really good. It's sad at the end.
[Sean:] Do they get caught?
[Josie:] Pardon?
[Sean:] Do they get caught?
[Josie:] No, they die.... Because... if they went back they'd have to have the electric chair and they don't want the electric chair or the, cos that's what they think cos they've done so much. So they come to a cliff... and she looks at her and she goes, she goes what are you doing? She's getting a gun out and she goes I'm not going out without a fight. She goes no, let's not. Let's keep going. So they drive over a cliff and it finishes. When they got the policeman she shot him. She goes what did you do that for?... At the end they drove over the cliff going bye! Like that.... Didn't you know it was Thelma and Louise?... French and Saunders. [LAUGHTER] Don't get me started on French and Saunders, right. Cos I can't shut up they make me laugh so hard... and Harry Enfield [mimicking] Only me! You don't wanna do it like that! [] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] What Thelma and Louise? Yeah, it's wicked! Starts off a bit boring. First, like, twenty minutes and then it gets good. [LAUGHTER] I wish Kelvin was here ah ah ah... Oh I hope the tape recorder can pick this up, because, erm... The wind keeps coming at me [LAUGHTER] I don't even though why I've come sho oh yeah, I wanna buy something, don't I?... so what I say now to people, when they say something to me, I go I go and I say no actually I'm not but never mind.... What! I can't say that I hate that shop, it stinks. That shop stinks... I hate going in, not that one! No! The Indian place... it stinks, man when you go in there, boy, it blow up your nostrils! [LAUGHTER] You don't wanna be breathing whilst in that shop. I think a lot of people have died actually breathing in that shop. Oh! [singing] Follow me! []... That's what we want. That was a wicked film!... Ah, home sweet home. Am I talking loud?
[Sean:] Er?
[Josie:] Am I talking loud?
[Sean:] No.
[Josie:] That's alright then, innit? [sigh] Sweet shop, sweet shop, sweet, I never know what to buy when I'm looking at the chocolate compartment. [sigh]... Er? What? Oh. [singing]...
[speaker004:] That's ninety-six pence, please?...
[Josie:] Oh no,
[speaker004:] Mm?
[Josie:] It's you.
[speaker004:] make your faces
[Josie:] [raspberry]... Excuse me!
[speaker004:] Excuse me!
[Josie:] Excuse me!
[speaker004:] Right.
[Josie:] [sniff]... Just pay up the money, matey... please.
[speaker004:] Is he your bodyguard?
[Josie:] Yeah and I'll set him on you if you start with me. See The Bodyguard? [singing] I will always love you. []
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Fetch!... Can I have my money please? I feel like to eat my Mars bar now.... [singing]... me, rich.... I was gonna say me and rich, no I don't think so... no that's just where they'll be a flush. Do you want a bit?... Does he have to rev up his engine while I'm walking past?... Goes [mimics engine revving]... Oh, fucking hell! Yeah.... I nearly hit him over the head, I thought it was Jason.... We saw Jason, you know that I hate Jason? That little short one.
[Sean:] yeah.
[Josie:] I walked up to him, me and Shelley, me and Shelley give it... crossing the road... to go to him, me and Shelley as we're walking through he crossed the road before we got to him.... I'm going...
[Sean:] These are the sound of London buses.
[Josie:] Ain't it... you should see this traffic jam. Oh, alright go.
[Sean:] across the wall!
[Josie:] Go
[Sean:] Coming to the wall!
[Josie:] And Arsenal have just fallen flat on their face!
[Sean:] And here's Teddy Sheringham with the ball!
[Josie:] It's a goal!...
[Sean:] the F A Cup Final! Tottenham four, Arsenal nil
[Josie:] And the crowd goes wild! Arsenal! Tottenham!... Oh my god!... I wonder if my dinner's ready yet?... It looks like my Dad's car from here.
[Sean:] Yeah....
[Josie:] Maybe it is. No, it's got a sunroof.... Look at them kids trying to blow er a bin liner over. I think they think it's a kite. It's a bin liner kids. Oh god, look at this man looks like he's gonna mug you innit. Look at the way he's walking along.... Shifty...
[Sean:] No.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... ... [singing]
[speaker004:] Did you hear about getting smashed up?
[Truno:] Yeah
[Josie:] Was Kevin and that lot in it?
[Truno:] Who is it?
[Josie:] Kevin, Mark that's all I saw.
[Truno:] ... James
[Josie:] Yeah, yeah all that lot. Police have been questioning Mark you know.
[Truno:] Is it?
[Josie:] And Kevin and everyone. Police have been questioning them. Chris screwed them up. My Mum screwed them up.
[Truno:] Is it?
[Josie:] Yeah. She gives it, well one of them's called Kevin. Tina's saying go on Mum, screen them up it was Kevin it's Kevin
[Truno:] [shouting] Della! [] [whistling] [shouting] Della! Della! []
[Josie:] She's really listening to you boy.
[Truno:] [shouting] Della come here! []
[Josie:] Della's a dog.
[Truno:] .... Come here! [whistling]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] [whistling] They smashed two you know yesterday. And they've been smashing all different people's ones.
[Truno:] Is it?
[Josie:] All down the road. Little boys!... Little boys! Need a good lesson taught to them. Yes. [sniff] Did you watch erm The Fury the other night?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] No, neither did I. [LAUGHTER] I heard it was good though and erm did you watch Amadeus?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] Have you got a television? [LAUGHTER] I know he has [] [LAUGHTER] er... erm
[Truno:] ...
[Josie:] Went to school and it was pretty boring. Yeah, went to school. I nearly had a fight in school! This girl called [mimicking] saying about me? [] No, I didn't say nothing about you. You two faced bitch! I know you
[Truno:] teachers in school?
[Josie:] Miss we've got her. We're gonna get a new headmaster.
[Truno:] New one?
[Josie:] The headmaster's leaving.
[Truno:] music.
[Josie:] Mr Did he?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Does he know you? You've never had him?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] I take, I took music for an option, I've got him. There's only two teachers I've got, him and Miss
[Truno:] Mrs
[Josie:] I know, [LAUGHTER] some teacher, some boy kicked him up his arse. []
[Truno:] Did he?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] He was screwing. [] he was going erm, he was going who did that? [LAUGHTER] He's hairy ain't he?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I know I see it all down his back! I walked past I went urgh, gorilla! Mr Miss exc, excuse me,exc excuse me! Do you mind? This is top quality gear here. Bloody dog!... Did he used to go to your school? What's the name of your school? . Sir, did you used to work at? That's what I'll say to him, I've got him tomorrow. I hate him! He's always
[Truno:] but I never had him.
[Josie:] I picked music
[Truno:] Anyone, anyone who comes into the room he them. What are you doing?
[Josie:] When he sees me he goes, he goes get out of my way, Jo. Get out of the way and pushes me don't make me start with you Jo, all this stuff.
[Truno:] What are you looking at? You, you, you flathead gorilla!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] He gives it to me erm, he goes you're just an overgrown greasy burger so I goes so what are you? [mimics gorilla] away from him. Luckily he can take a joke. what are you? [mimics gorilla] looked at me there's me wisht gone! Going out. No.... Myself. [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] A boy like you
[Josie:] What boy?
[Truno:] fourth year.
[Josie:] What in my school?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Nick?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I went out with him. I dumped him.
[Truno:] You dumped him?
[Josie:] Yeah. I dumped him on Wednesday. I said hey, Mac! Not this Wednesday, last Wednesday I was saying, I just said I don't think we should go out no more. He said alright. I said bye. I said I hope we can still be friends. He said yeah. I said alright I'll meet you for school, bye. [LAUGHTER] I went erm I hope we can still be friends.... Makes me laugh.
[speaker004:] Josie!
[Josie:] Yeah?... Myself! No, I'm talking to Kerry!...
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] You feel... But when you got it on right, you feel sort of like, mm mm mm, mm mm mm mm! And you feel like look at me! Expensive equipment. It's probably only worth about a tenner.
[Josie:] I'd cry. I'd go Mum. I've got, I've signed a receipt. If I break it I have to pay for it.
[Truno:] Is it?
[Josie:] ten ninety minute tapes! T D K tapes!
[Jane:] How many have you got?
[Josie:] Ten!... Ten! That's a one and an O.
[Jane:] And everyone gonna listen to it?
[Josie:] Yeah. No, not everyone just these students. I think, I don't know.
[Jane:] B i all your tapes?
[Josie:] What are you looking at? Yeah.
[Jane:] All your tapes?
[Josie:] That'll be sixty tapes. [humming] And Shane grabbed hold of the microphone [LAUGHTER] and he screamed. [] But when someone talks to you loud like I just did the microphone seems to stop. Do you know what I mean, it don't pick it up as loud and then it comes back again. Like I'd be talking like this and suddenly it'll go [mimics microphone noises] []. Somebody grabbed hold of it and burped down it. Listen they were all going [belch] that ain't a burp he said [belch] Fire engine, two fire engines went past woo, woo! Cos it picks it up twice as loud.
[Truno:] Does it?
[Josie:] Yeah I can hear the, you know the motor bike that just went past?
[Truno:] Can you hear it?
[Josie:] Yeah. I can hear it. I can hear, when I'm walking down the street I can hear the birds singing. You know when them girls walked past and they were laughing?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I could hear that.... I can hear that car like it's just going past here.... I can hear Rufus barking good as well. Picks up ever picks up this.... What I'm doing with my foot.... Look, listen.... Put them both... Can you hear it?
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] Picks everything up. It's a bit of a bummer really but you know when you've got it on and you're talking, cos I was telling jokes... and you get carried away and you start thinking wah and you start telling all the jokes and everything... there's a, a lot of swearing on this tape, a lot of swearing, a lot of swearing. First there's Shelley, cos first of all I didn't want to talk in it, you know, I just went like yeah, yeah, yeah, no, sort of like yes, I wanna talk down it all the time, I want them to hear my voice! [LAUGHTER] And you know you get carried away you start swearing don't you?
[Truno:] Who's been talking? Who who who's been on there?
[Josie:] Shelley, Warren, Carly, Daniel, [LAUGHTER] all people you don't know. [] You know Warren? The one who stands on the stairs?
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] I don't think you like each other much. When you walk past each other gives it... and Warren sorts of gives it [LAUGHTER] Er? Where?... Come here Jane. I've gotta talk to you anyway.
[Jane:] microphone.
[Josie:] I'm gonna get you!
[Truno:] [whistling] Della! [whistling] call her, call her.
[Josie:] [shouting] Del! Come on! [] [clicking tongue]... I love the way she does that, she goes... so stupid! You actually think I wanted you? I love that! I love grabbing hold of your chubbiness. The kitten's gone crazy.... Thanks Del, thanks The kitten's gone crazy. No, totally I mean it. Totally and utterly. You know what she done this morning?... She jumped onto my bed, right... [LAUGHTER] ah, listen to this. Just listen right. [] Lick the erm thing. [LAUGHTER] No, she jumped on my bed and when she gets on top of you she thinks she's some little baby. And she grabs hold of my tee-shirt and she sucks it! Thinking it's a teat, you know. And she's sitting there going [sucking] all over your tee-shirt but you can't li you can't tell her to get off cos it's so cute, you know, she's sitting there she's going [sucking]... like it's so cute! And this morning she jumped on my neck... and I was sleeping and I woke up, you know what she does while she's doing it? She goes like this with her paws... You know how they come in and out and they
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] and they're going [paw sounds] in my neck but I don't wanna turn over cos she'll fall off the bed and I'm sort of going just on me and she's really funny. She sits there she goes [sucking+purring] and she stops and you're just about to go to sleep and she goes [purring noises] so loud! And yesterday she jumped over the balcony right and Jones was sitting there. Jones went [mimics cat spitting] like that to her and she's, Cat's following her you know... and then Jones got up on the wall and Cat was looking at her and Cat was going... like that and Jones was going chee chee like that and then, you know the fence there? You
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] know there's a gap underneath it? I went to get her and she ran underneath the gap. So I ran all the way round and coming! She went to run back underneath it. There's me don't you dare th she stopped. [LAUGHTER] And she looked at me like that. [] I goes don't you dare, you little cat! And I picked her up. I picked her up by her neck and I said you bitch and she goes... when you put your face up close to her she goes... and puts her ears back and goes like that to your face. So cute!... She's stupid though, she's dumb, she ain't got a brain. [LAUGHTER] She don't possess one. [] She's so dumb! She's like you. You're dumb too. But you're cute! I've gotta take her for another injection. Soon.
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] She's allowed out now though. You should see her. Every time you open the door it's quick, the kitten's coming! Shut the door! she's coming towards the door ninety miles an hour. You shut the door. A couple of times she's been standing behind a door, open it, smash her brains in. [LAUGHTER] And the toilet, cos there's no carpet she can stick her paws under the toilet. I'm sitting there, my foot was near the toilet, all you see was this big claws come out digging into my toe there's me aargh! you stupid She's mad!
[Truno:] [whistling] Della!
[Josie:] Della!
[Truno:] [whistling]
[Josie:] I swear your dog needs... something. [LAUGHTER] Oh no, that's rude. []
[Truno:] Della!
[Josie:] Oh I've gotta change the earphones these one's are hurting.
[Truno:] Della! Come here!... Della!... Della!... [whistling]
[Josie:] Huh?... Pardon?... Oh, bye!... Did you say goodnight?... Did you say goodnight? Do you want me to go? Oh good ev I thought you meant go away! [LAUGHTER] All right, how are you?... I hate these earphones but the other ones hurt my ears.... Can we gob on her from up here? [spitting]... I think I look such a div with these things on, they make me look so stupid!... [LAUGHTER] [whispering] Let's raid Mr 's house. Go in and nick all his chocolate. Yes. Let's give it [] [LAUGHTER] It's cos he smokes too much. [LAUGHTER] I hate it when you walk past someone goes [mimics bringing up phlegm] right in front of you and you sort of give it... you don't care if he's ten feet tall you just look at him like this and you see this nasty greeny. Well they got this erm, greenies! Look at my greeny! And they go [mimics bringing up phlegm] [LAUGHTER] I think it's disgusting! [] It's different if
[Truno:] teeth sometimes they go
[Josie:] Yeah, through their teeth! It must all get caught up on their teeth.
[Truno:] How do they do that? How do, how do they do that?
[Josie:] But like it's different if you've got a really bad cold and sometimes you have to, you can't like... sometimes you can hide it but I don't go in front of someone [mimics bringing up phlegm] I always do it discreetly.
[Truno:] I, I, I I turn around and
[Josie:] I do it to Georgina sometimes. I go up to her and I go [mimics clearing throat] cos it makes her sick but I'm not actually doing it I'm just making the sound. this Turkish man [mimics bringing up phlegm] in front of me
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Through his nose innit? Listen, my cousin does, sometimes he goes, watch this... through his nose. There's this big green thing come out of his nose! He simply went [sound effect] through his nose there's me wah it come out like a bullet innit? wisht like that.
[Truno:] And this, this one was hanging
[Josie:] nasty and they and they just get it off innit and tie a little knot. Cos I hate it when you see someone being sick. They go [mimics vomiting].
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] I watched erm, you know Warren? He was being sick right and he was hanging over the banisters like this these flats and [mimics vomiting] I couldn't stop laughing. He was being sick, right, and I couldn't [mimics vomiting] all his face was I couldn't stop laughing. Cos I hate being sick you know.
[Truno:] Same here.
[Josie:] Cos sometimes it comes through your nose, innit? Don't it come through your nose on you. I was talking about it the other day and you go [sound effect] and it all comes, it hurts and, and it comes out and you can't even hold it down either cos it just comes in your mouth [sound effect] [] dribbles out the side.
[Truno:] Yeah I, I always know when I'm gonna be sick.
[Josie:] Yeah, cos that taste comes in your mouth.
[Truno:] And I start spitting.
[Josie:] Yeah, and you, that taste there's always a taste in my mouth and then I can feel it pushing its way up. Listen [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] And then, what was it, the big disush, discussion in Science, cos we always have a big discussion in Science, what was it today, spiders.
[Truno:] I hate spiders.
[Josie:] Spid I remember when me and my Mum had to catch one in a fishing net and throw it down the toilet cos my Dad weren't there and it was about that big! This woman was well one of my friends was looking at erm at tree moths, she collects tree moths, don't ask me why. She turned it over, a spider as big as your dinner plate.... There's me!... Cos every time I hear a spider I always grab onto someone. I go... like that with my feet.
[Truno:] I hate spiders. I don't know why but I always see them, I always see them.
[Josie:] Yeah, like somebody else, like, you're walking down the street, like, you're in a house and, and you check it for a minute and you're like...
[Truno:] Yeah!
[Josie:] I went into a toilet and there was none and I sat down on the toilet, looked up, they were all above the door, five of them! There's me!... Got up. Didn't even go, bother go to the toilet! I was busting! Dad! My Dad come in, there's me running out while my Dad's by the door in case one of them jumped I'm so scared of spiders I hate them!
[Truno:] I always spot them, I don't know why.
[Josie:] Do you remember when there used to always be some on the wall there when you cou we wouldn't walk down the stairs cos in case they got us.
[Truno:] yeah!
[Josie:] And we used to throw books at them. Go away!
[Truno:] And remember that
[Josie:] Yeah and we used to spray water [LAUGHTER] over them. []
[Truno:] Yeah, [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] no, but the spiders, I remember that one that got, was on the daddy-longlegs and he was just sitting there and he wouldn't move and no one would walk down the stairs, so we were just giving it pouf pouf and all throwing things at him trying to get him to go. I'm sure he knew we were trying to get rid of him because he wouldn't go! He just stood there. He's looking at us, probably thinking I think and you know my cousin, Lee? He had one and he just let it run across his hand, a big hairy one, just let it run across his hand, all up his arm, playing with it... and people think I'm sick for having pet rats! And my cousin's sitting with a spider mhm nice little spider nasty! I can understand like you... picking one up to get rid of it if you're not scared of it, but playing with one, keeping it as a pet!
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] He feeds it. He used to feed it moths cos they were gonna have a spider race and he called it Rhinoceros.
[Truno:] Spider race?
[Josie:] Yeah,m my Dad and my erm cousin. They were gonna, my Dad said yeah well my one, no, my Dad's one was called Rhino and the other one was called Elephant and their one died. [LAUGHTER] They kept it in a butter dish and kept feeding it moths and things. Nasty!... So I hate like the winter. That's when they start to come in.
[Truno:] Yeah all the moths.
[Josie:] And they come and then flying daddy longlegs. And they come flying
[Truno:] I hate them!
[Josie:] And have you ever had er, erm, ever had er a fly fly into your eye or your mouth or something? The little greenfly!
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] They do it, innit? They do it
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] You're talking, you're talking, you're talking and they go, they go, yeah, and it just goes, it goes, a mouth! [buzz] just goes wisht in your mouth. you go [sound effect].
[Truno:] I hate them.
[Josie:] I'm sure they do it on purpose though. Look, there's an eye. [raspberry] Ah!
[Truno:] They sting.
[Josie:] And it gets stuck in your eye and you go, you go ah!
[Truno:] I know!...
[Josie:] I remember when a bee was in my hair I'm running ah! That was your stupid old Max! He used to grab my ponytail and rip my head off!
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I'm just sitting there thinking your dog's I used to hate your dog, man. I used to love him but I hated the way he done that to my hair. He used to
[Truno:] running down, round in circles
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Do remember weedy Roly?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] Roly, my dog.
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] The weedy one. Oh, he was funny, man. When he used to chase his tail and I remember I was walking I was walking round the shops with him and there's this big alsatian and Roly was giving it... cos you know how scared he was of dogs it was barking at him! And then the dog got further up the road and started ruff, ruff ruff!
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] And er, and he thought he was all hard, right and he was walking, I know he's a dog but he, he, he knows, you know what I mean, and he walked past the shop and the dog come out the shop you should've seen my wisht up in my arms [LAUGHTER] Couldn't stop laughing. [] And Rufus the other day, my brother and sister all going up to Sheila, the dog's right there, I'm going hi! The dog goes wuff wuff! This is my brother and sister, ah! [LAUGHTER] couldn't stop laughing. [] Innit? I know, you see him, he's walking and you see him, he's going ruff, ruff and she's going... and I thought, no, man, I don't care if I'm friends with her no I'm not going near her with the dog. And she's giving it, do you want a chocolate bar? it's poison I break it in half and give it to Geraldine [LAUGHTER] first. I hate her. I don't know why she comes round mine. [] she threw my jacket so I thought how am I gonna get my jacket come and get my jacket. I hate them! Yeah, she gave me a Crunchie and I thought I bet it's poison so I broke it in half gave them a bit, watched them eat it, gave it five minutes and then eat mine! I weren't eating it until
[Truno:] Them two, them two are silly you know police
[Josie:] I hate them! I know! Hanging about for Kevin
[Truno:] Yeah, and
[Josie:] But they they always come and knock for me and you know they kicked that, you it was them that kicked down the walls?... Them walls there with Wyon and
[Truno:] Was it?
[Josie:] that lot. Yeah. And Wyon go she goes no it weren't me, it weren't me. Listen, I goes, I don't care who it was but you better not come and knock for no more because my Mum's screwing with you. And she come knocking for me about two month's later. I was washing my Dad's car, she got the hosepipe, put it over me. She was going out to a party, I got a bucket of water, threw it over her head! She was going out to a party. And she got me again, cos I wasn't bothered if she got me, you know what I mean, cos I, I was in my house I could get changed quickly and it was hot. So I just got another bucket, threw it over her head, stuck the hose up her jumper, believe, she had to go home. She, she weren't going partying till she got changed. I was cracking up so hard. [LAUGHTER] Only thing I was screwing about was, she got my trainers all wet and I was going you bitch, they're the only pair I got, the decent pair! And she's got got the bucket of water and I went boosh! She went, no don't! And I said, no I won't, I walked past her and I went boosh over her head.... There's me, got her on the phone. Listen to me, I goes, if you push me again I'll grab your tit and pull it off. So she goes, no you won't ah! [LAUGHTER] I couldn't stop laughing. []
[Truno:] Is it Donna's sister?
[Josie:] Donna's?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] No, the fat one is.
[Truno:] Oh.
[Josie:] You wouldn't think so would you? No, wait a minute! Yeah, the fat one's Donna's sister and Geraldine used to be best friends with Kelly and she lives in Big Ben. She knows Jane and that lot.
[Truno:] Oh.
[Josie:] And she's a bit of a slag. She don't really, you know, I mean she's got a bit of a reputation. I suppose everyone has but I hear about her a lot. In school and everything.
[Truno:] Which one was that?
[Josie:] Pardon?
[Truno:] Which one was this?
[Josie:] The skinny one. But, like Geraldine's two-faced cos she's always giving it like erm, to other people, I don't like Lucy, the one she hangs about with, I only hang about with her cos I feel sorry for her. Do you know what I mean? It's so stupid.
[Truno:] Are they
[Josie:] No she goes to Our Lady's Convent.
[Truno:] What?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] She goes to Our Lady's Convent. A girl like that. I reckon the nuns beat her you are not to go out with boys! Boosh! [] Oh. Have you seen Kelly lately?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] shave up head, she's got a haircut like Donna. Have you seen Donna's hair?
[Truno:] Oh yeah! God! Oh God!
[Josie:] It's not like, have you seen it?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Donna's one? Have you seen Kelly's one?
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] Kelly's one is like, I only got a glimpse of it, but I'm sure it's like Donna's one. Gone and spoilt her hair, man. She was so pretty, innit? She was getting tall, nice blue eyes and then she goes and does that. It looks alright, but it looked better when it was long.
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Not when it was permed, just when it was long and blonde. And Kelly's looked better when it was short and curly. [LAUGHTER] Shave off the head [mimics shaving] [] Who? Kelly? Yeah. Think so. She's got a reputation too. I mean, the difference is, I've never heard anything about Donna, do you know what I mean? Nobody's ever said but with Kelly, people have said things to me. With Ian?
[Truno:] All the time?
[Josie:] I mu I mean I must admit, must admit. Yeah
[Truno:] You know in Big Ben? You know there's a car park
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Truno:] They're always in there.
[Josie:] Late I must admit lately I haven't seen her with, I haven't
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] haven't seen her with him. I must admit.
[Truno:] I've seen Donna with him.
[Josie:] But I haven't seen her with him for ages!
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] And I haven't really seen his car a lot lately either.
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] If I think about it I haven't seen him at all. I haven't seen him at all. An I saw Kelly about two week's ago, no, about a month ago.
[Truno:] What are they doing? She still living there?
[Josie:] Yeah, I think so yeah. She hangs about with some erm half-ca I think she's black but she, she's light. I don't know if she's half-caste but... but she liv I saw her Nan the other day and like her Nan, I don't cos her Nan always invites me round. She goes, come round and see me! I goes, with Kelly? I don't talk to Kelly no more. I goes, she goes, yeah, you two were really close and then you just, her Kelly, her Nan doesn't obviously know that Kelly's a little bitch, do you know what I mean? Cos it was Kelly that like, said, yeah, you're my best friend, do you know what I mean, and then made me say Kelly's my best friend, do you know what I mean? Cos I used to look up to her cos she was older than me. So I don't think her Nan really knows that Kelly does it to loads of people, do you know, cos she was Geraldine's best friend, Katie's best friend. She was
[Truno:] I don't
[Josie:] I don't know she just, she, she goes you're too immature. Cos you know how I hang about with you lot a lot when I was younger and we used to like climbing roofs and everything, she goes you're too immature. She started this water fight with Kevin, she was throwing wet tissue at him and cos I got good at it she goes you're too immature. I goes right then. She goes you'd better go. I said yeah I will. And I walked out and then she didn't call me and I didn't call her and that was it. Simple at that. Cos my Mum wouldn't let me call her. She goes [mimicking] you're not calling her up again. No way! []... [LAUGHTER] She looks like she's desperate. [LAUGHTER] No, but... Donna, Donna, it looks alright on Donna, but Kelly just looks [LAUGHTER] [] Been going Georgie's lately getting all posters off of him.
[Truno:] What?
[Josie:] I got erm, Hand That Rocks The Cradle, Universal Soldiers and and he was offering me all Jean Claude Van Damm ones
[Truno:] Is it?
[Josie:] You know the one where her top's ripped open you can see her leg.
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] that one. He was offering me that one. And he's got all nude pictures.
[Truno:] Della!
[Josie:] There's me, I was going, you dirty man!
[Truno:] Della!
[Josie:] I goes you hang it up in your shower, innit? He goes yeah. He goes do you wanna come and see? Listen to me, I goes no thanks. Such a pervert! He's always got young girls in there with him. I wanna know what he does! But he's always
[Truno:] Della!
[Josie:] Here, I mean I've seen like, ten-year-old girls in there, but really pretty ten-year-old girls, you know what I mean, blue eyes and blonde hair from them flats.
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] And you go in there and they give you dirty looks, you know. And you're looking at a video and they sit there looking at you like that...
[Truno:] Have you seen one with black hair, black hair, short?
[Josie:] Yeah, I think so.
[Truno:] She's really small.
[Josie:] Yeah, I think I have. I don't like it when they're sitting on the floor in front of the counter with their legs like that and they're sitting there and you're looking at the video and you think, well, I can't get that because that was made in nineteen-eighty-six and they might think I'm a bit weedy, so I better get something that was made [LAUGHTER] recently. [] That's why when I, when I go round the video shop on my own I usually go Jordans. Cos I don't like going in there on my own I feel intimidated. He's alright to talk to but he's such a little pervert! You see him, cos he's, Nick goes can I have a poster? no, they're only for erm the prettiest girl in Clapton and he shook my hand and sort of giving it yeah, before he drags me behind the counter! But he had all these nudy pictures. Because I wanted Aliens three.
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] If you can get an Aliens three poster for me I'll pay you for it. One where the Alien's at her face. But erm, and I was looking through all these posters and most of them were of nude women! And I said, George, ain't you got any nude men? [LAUGHTER] I said because at least you could have some nude men for me! And listen, he goes, yeah, I've got nude men hanging up in my shower, he goes, do you wanna come? That was what he said, he said they're hanging up in my shower, do you wanna come and see them? Listen, I goes, yeah, anytime. Cos Shelley was there.... And Shelley was a joke, man. She goes in there, she's sitting looking at him... like that, she just stares at [LAUGHTER] him. [] Just to make sure, you know what I mean? When anyone's like that with me or with one of my friends she just sits there looking at you because, cos she's big, she's kind of threatening sometimes, you know what I mean? She's sitting there with a fag hanging out her mouth. She just sits there staring at him saying you make any funny moves you'll see what you get. Oh Shelley's She's erm, she's on a diet.
[Truno:] Oh really?
[Josie:] She's lost about three stone. It's good. I mean, you probably wouldn't see it but I can see it, she's losing it. Cos she's quite pretty actually if she lost weight.... [LAUGHTER] I'm gonna get her to go jogging with bin liners strapped to her bum! [] I could listen, I'd go, why's her bum so crinkly, like, when Jane comes.
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] This is Jane, she's got a bin liner to make her bum sweat I thought she needs it. [LAUGHTER] I don't know why your sister bothers she's alright. She just needs to cut back on her chocolate. She love her chocolate, innit?
[Truno:] Yeah!...
[Josie:] Went to see Forever Young... with Mel Gibson, the one where he's frozen for fifty years and then he wakes up in
[Truno:] Oh yeah!
[Josie:] It was really good. The make-up was wicked! You, you'd like that. And I'm gonna go and see Sommersby. Sommerby with Jodie Foster and Richard Gere. The
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] [mimicking] I've never loved anyone the way I love you! [] Like that.
[Truno:] Della! Come here!
[Josie:] I like Jodie Foster. I like her in The Silence of the Lambs....
[Truno:] Yeah
[Josie:] Have you seen that?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Oh it was good. He was good in it too
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Did you see French and Saunders do it? It was good that.
[Truno:] He, he's smart. That man is smart.
[Josie:] Innit? When he takes the man's face he puts it, ah, it was so bad! I
[Truno:] That was really smart
[Josie:] I'd just read the book as well. The book's better than the film cos it's got more detail in it.... But that was nasty man, he wants to make her tit Urgh!
[Truno:] Urgh!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] And when he's dancing he takes his clothes off and, and he's pinned up and he's going like and he's going [] [LAUGHTER] and he's going like urgh! []
[Truno:] urgh!
[Josie:] And going [mimicking] Precious darling! [] she goes
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I'm gonna kill your dog you son of a bitch!
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] He goes, look, I'm breaking its leg and he's going [mimicking] precious, precious! [] I couldn't stop laughing. The little dog's going [yelp] [panting] This little dog was mad, man, did you see it? It was so ugly I would've
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] kicked it if I saw it. Same as Chris's chihuahua. I'd, I'd love to kick it. I'd love to kick her dog. He's so tiny! I feel so sorry for it you know, up at that house with all them big fat balls of, of fat. They've probably stepped on it enough times. And have you heard it crying at night?
[Truno:] Mhm.
[Josie:] Right, on the balcony I can see it ruff, ruff,
[Truno:] On the balcony?
[Josie:] Yeah, I don't think they keep it out there all night. But it's out on the balcony a lot.
[Truno:] Della! Come here!
[Josie:] Cos I'm in bed right, cos sometimes I go, in the week it depends how I feel like, tonight I'll probably go to bed about... about half-ten or eleven cos I'm gonna watch Ruby Wax and sometimes
[Truno:] [shouting] Della! []
[Josie:] Della! [whistling] I hate that when my dog does that when he don't listen to me and somebody else calls him.... But tonight I'll prob tomor like yesterday I went to bed at about ten and you can hear it calling out, crying out there. I have to go to bed early and then Mum gets me up in the morning she's going get up! First my alarm clock
[Truno:] I hate.
[Josie:] goes off
[Truno:] That's what I hate!
[Josie:] and Mum goes get up! And I, I use, I like
[Truno:] I'm all war I, I'm warm all in my bedroom
[Josie:] Innit? and, and it's all, like when you get in at night it's
[Truno:] It's cold, it's cold!
[Josie:] and then you get in the morning
[Truno:] Gotta warm it up.
[Josie:] and it's all warm and, and you get out
[Truno:] warm [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] and it's freezing even in summer and you just have to get under them blankets for another five minutes! cos my alarm clock goes off at half-seven, it goes cockle-doodle-doo! And you push it and she goes good morning! And you go shut up! And then my Mum goes, eight o'clock I still ain't up, my Mum goes get out of bed.... get out of bed.
[Truno:] You live, you, your school's quite near.
[Josie:] Innit? You have to go miles!
[Truno:] Miles away man!
[Josie:] Here's my Mum, she goes, get out of bed. Get out of bed. Get out of bed! Or she gets the kitten and puts it on my face and the kitten sits there going [mimics cat licking] get off me! Or you get Sam going can I play your gameboy? Boosh, round your [LAUGHTER] head! And you're going yes. []
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Can I break your computer? Yes, break it! Leave me! Easter, eight o'clock, half-seven my brother and sister are looking for Easter eggs in the house. goes, this one's for you. Thanks. He's putting them on the side, like, I'm asleep in bed, he goes this one's for you. Thanks. He's just putting, just putting, I got three eggs, I was just putting them on the bed I couldn't be bothered with them then. Thanks, just put them down. Cos I don't really like chocolate. You, I'll bring up some of my eggs, you can have some of them cos I don't really like, I only like chocolate bars I don't like chocolate.
[Truno:] Oh....
[Josie:] he goes, this is for you this is me, thanks. [LAUGHTER] Just put it on the side [] That's rude. [LAUGHTER] All right, Moss?... It was funny though wasn't it? just taking them, it was good, it was so funny. And you know Easter after the two weeks, right?
[Truno:] Mm.
[Josie:] I couldn't get up! On Monday to go to school I could not get up! Cos you know my, my brother and sister went away for the week, right,
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] on Sunday. Can you imagine my flat for a whole week to myself? You should've come and knocked for me cos you could've come in and played computer and everything. I, cos I go to, Monday... Tues yeah, Monday Kerry come down
[Truno:] Mm.
[Josie:] and he was playing computer with me and I meant to come up to you. Cos usu when they go away, cos they're not going away this weekend, but when they go away you should come down cos the flat's quiet and I ain't got nothing to do, sit and play my computer. And... it was just so brilliant! I could leave everything lying about on the floor and nothing would get broken! I could leave a Madonna tape in the middle of the room and no one would rip it! [LAUGHTER] I'd sit and watch it, you know, just put it there, sit and watch it. [] It was brilliant! I could watch telly and actually hear what Jim was saying in Neighbours. It was amazing! I've never, I've never ever heard Jim's voice before.
[Truno:] Haven't you?
[Josie:] Never! Cos every time Jim talks
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] or my sister gives it [mimicking] Sam! Let go of my hair! [] And he's pulling her... EastEnders today this child is mad! You know them hopper things you bounce on, the round balloon thing? She's got one, it's flat, it's not flat but it's kind of deflated, she's getting er, doing handstands on it and she's going [mimicking] my head, it's my head [] My brother's, my brother's doing a handsta er sitting on his head on the chair. He's going, Jo, don't leave me on my head all night, and I'm going, shut up! And Mum's going, don't talk to him like that, and I'm going, they're driving me mad!... They get up at eight o'clock in the morning and say, [mimicking] Jo, I want my cereal. [] And you say... how many Weetabix do you want, one? [mimicking] No, no, no, two. [] Sam, how many Weetabix do you want, one? Make up you bloody mind! And say [mimicking] I want Rice Crispies [] You pour the Rice Crispies [mimicking] no, no, Cornflakes... I don't want no sugar on them today. I do want sugar, I can't have them now they've gone all soggy in the water, in the milk! [] Oh god! You just want to tell them to go home! Go, go away from me! You're so lucky!
[Truno:] In the summer holidays I can, I can get up early if I want to.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Truno:] On school days I just feel like sleeping!
[Josie:] But I like, you know the weekend, Saturday?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I love getting up, I like, I used to like getting up Saturday cos the cartoons were on.
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] But when Sam I could put it on in the bedroom and sit and watch it and Sunday, I get up on Sundays and that that cat's ugly [LAUGHTER] I get up Sundays now [] because Grange Hill's on. Have you seen it? The
[Truno:] No.
[Josie:] first ever series of Grange Hill with
[Truno:] Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
[Josie:] Mark out of EastEnders. [] I get up to watch that now cos I, and The Rut, The Rug Rats, the little baby and his, I think that's so funny. It's a little cartoon, it's just cheap and enj like Bart Simpson kind of.
[Truno:] Oh
[Josie:] Have you seen it?
[Truno:] Yeah, I think I did see it.
[Josie:] It's kind of stupid but it's kind of funny if you know what I mean cos the baby don't talk and as soon as the Mum and Dad's out of the room it's [mimicking] let's go and find the chocolate. [] [LAUGHTER] It's so funny. []... But oh, erm... your dog's attacking a car I just thought I'd tell you. [LAUGHTER] Shadow.... Oh that's good, cos Dempsey'll stay in there for ages now if she pisses all over there. Dempsey, oh, cos by the wall, right, and you know how he digs up the floor
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] when he's finished? I walked past, mouthful of dirt! Where Dempsey's kicking dirt up in my face so I go, what're you doing? Looks at me and he goes... I hate him so much!
[Truno:] I hate it you stand there and you not doing nothing
[Josie:] Innit? And they're just looking at you! And they're just looking at you and your Mum s your Mum wants you to take him out properly, walk him down the street and you've sneaked him outside and they're just looking at you like this...
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER] I hate it when they do that.
[Josie:] With that, with that expression and like when a cat you go puss puss puss to a cat
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] and you're calling it for ages but you can't go near it cos it will run away and it goes like this to you, it goes... and it goes like that and it goes yeah, and it cuts its eye at you and then you go to get it, it goes I'll jump, I'll bloody [LAUGHTER] jump. []
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I got a cat trapped up here, right, it was chasing Jones and I goes I got you now, and he jumped over the wall.
[Truno:] Did it?
[Josie:] From here, listen, I goes I've got you now. This is the cat [sound effect] over the wall and I hate, Jones always
[Truno:] Did he make it?
[Josie:] Mm? Yeah! I it, and it jumped back up and, it didn't jump back up, it jumped, what it done is it ran down that bit of the wall and jumped.... And Jane, this is Jane to me the other day, throw your kitten off my floor and see if it lands on [LAUGHTER] its feet. []
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] I hate it cos when I call Jones she stands on the wall like that, right. She's sitting down
[Truno:] Mm.
[Josie:] and you go to her [kissing sound]... and she just looks at you like, I'll come, and you go, [kissing sound] [] and you go closer
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] and you go Jones, come here and you come here! She goes... like that, she cuts her eye at you, right. She'll go up to you and she goes... she looks at you like that and her eyes are all wide,sh sh she's looking down at the wall like that to make sure it's all clear, you know what I mean? She's going... she's looking at you and you go, come here, you take a step further and she gives you a dirty look and then she waits until you're that close and then she jumps! So the other day, you know what I done?
[Truno:] What?
[Josie:] I jumped over the other side of the wall, so if she jumps she'd have to
[Truno:] Oh!
[Josie:] I walked up to her, you know what she done?
[Truno:] What?
[Josie:] She jumped the other way round and ran all the way round the back.... I hate cats!
[Truno:] Some cat was climbing through a window and it weren't going. Mum got scared
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Truno:] and he weren't scared
[Josie:] That was, that was what erm Dempsey done to Jane and Mussy. You when American Werewolf come on T V for the first time?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] And you gotta admit that was scary, that film, even
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] when I watch it now I get scared, especially the bit when she goes like that and he goes aargh I get, I get scared.
[Truno:] That's the end of it, yeah.
[Josie:] Yeah. Right, well, you know how Dempsey used to scratch on the door?
[Truno:] Mm.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Well we weren't in and Dempsey always used to go up to Jane, right?
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] So Mussy and that lot had just watched American Werewolf and they hear [howl] outside.
[Truno:] [whistling] Della! Come here!
[Josie:] Oh no. [shouting] Della! Come here! []...
[Truno:] She's going in the road.
[speaker004:] Shelley, Shelley come round to me right, and she was, she was, she was stroking Dempsey and I walked in the room, this is Dempsey... and he walked past me wagging his, you know when they put the tail down and
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] wag it? Goes to say... Don't beat me! Innit? And here's me, I'm looking at him, she's going you're so cool you beat your dog, innit? [LAUGHTER] I don't. [] It's the kitten I beat up! You know, I pick the kitten up I throw it in the air, catch it,
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I go like that with it wooo!
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I get her head, put it in my mouth. I get her head and you know Beetlejuice when he goes I gotta show you it cos sometimes she's, she's not alert and when she's like that it looks wicked cos he goes... and her ears are like that she goes and I get her to play the banjo and she goes [mimics banjo] it's wicked! I just get her arms I go like that with her arm, right, and she just lets you do it, she just looks at you and says you're fucking mad and walks away. [LAUGHTER] You're playing with her right, and then you've finished and you put her down and she looks at you she goes, bloody sick! She walks away and poufs her tail out like that. You think go away, you mutt! I hate animals. I hate Nicky and Squeak as well. Nicky just sits there giving it Squeak's face, Squeak grabs her foot Squeak goes [squeak] they start tumbling all about the cage, you can hear boof, boof, boof! Yeah, but they always fight. You know how we used to always fight and then, well they turn round, I didn't mean to smash your face in. It's alright, Josie, I didn't mean to break your arm, do you know what I mean? And then Squeak's so sneaky, I probably told you this where she gets Nicky and starts cleaning her. Nicky loves it when Squeak cleans her, right, my rats and she gives it [licking] and Nicky's getting all... and there's Squeak going
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [sound effect] in her neck and then, and then it's all quiet right. Say you're sleeping in the front room, as soon as you turn the light out and there's no sound [sound effect] they don't shut up. I'm sure they pick things up and throw them at each other. I swear they're so loud it's like... it's like you know when you kick through a big pile
[Truno:] Yeah.
[Josie:] of, big pile of leaves, it's like that. Trying to sleep through a hurricane innit? [LAUGHTER] It was nasty. It was like that night when I woke up and the hurricane was there, I couldn't turn my lights on or nothing I was shitting myself. Yeah. Remember when that tree fell down and it banged on Shelley's window and Shelley was giving it ah! And Shelley come back with a knife. [LAUGHTER] She goes I'm gonna kill Mussy! []
[Truno:] come to my bed
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] No this is me, I was sitting in my bedroom cos I didn't, Sam and Fern weren't there innit? I was in the bedroom on my own. And I could hear [sound effect] and I could hear [sound effect] and I turned the light on and it wouldn't come on! And my hands were going like this and I looked at my clock and it was about six o'clock and it was still pitch black because it jump back into bed. [LAUGHTER] As simple as that. []
[Truno:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I got back into bed, put the quilt over my head, turned over, I went to sleep. I didn't even bother wake up when the alarm clock went I just left it ringing. My Mum had to come in and turn it off. Same as when Thriller first come out. I had to sleep with the light on. So Mum she come turn it off... But man, no when the hurricane come and Shelley come back with that knife, I'm gonna kill Mussy, I'm gonna kill Mussy. Shelley, we're trying to eat our cheese on toast. I said I'm gonna kill Mussy. I'm gonna kill him.
[Truno:] Oh yeah!
[Josie:] You know he, he kicked her, she come back sitting there with a knife, I'm gonna kill Mussy.
[Truno:] ...
[Josie:] That was funny. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] I couldn't believe it, man, when Sam and Fern ran right up to him and he started running and screaming. I remember when Rufus bit me I was shitting myself.... Did you see the, is it true? Did you see the bite
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] I've gotta show you that picture, it's that big, across the leg all blood dripping down off it. Rufus just went [biting] looked like a vampire attacked her. Dempsey had tried to take on two dogs that he knocked out his tooth. [LAUGHTER] Knocked out his big canine tooth. He's only got one now. You know the big
[Truno:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] he's only got one now. He tried to take two dogs on. Just, the dog just went knocked its collar and the tooth dropped out.
[Truno:] How?
[Josie:] cos he's got brown teeth as well. I'm not brushing Dempsey's teeth he'll bite my hand off! This is the vet to me he goes your dog's got brown teeth you got to brush it... brush the teeth banged his tooth with the collar, he had a metal collar
[Truno:] Oh
[Josie:] Dempsey's tooth there's all blood coming out of his mouth I said see, serves you right. sympathetic cos he was kicking the shit out of him.... Stupid dog! And he tried to attack a pit bull. Pit bull. Round the shops. He had a long-life lead on and I tried to grab the long-life lead it burnt all my hand and he tried to attack the pit bull. Luckily the man had the pit bull on a lead. Kicked the shit out him. I kicked him home I swear. I kicked him and the long-life lead just come I kicked him again. Bastard. That's what they do in that film. The dog bends over....
[Sean:] No.
[Josie:] Shelley blows smoke in her dog's face. Yeah. She gets a smoke cos her, her brother smokes stuff and sometimes he gives it to her and she blows it in her dog's face. And then she tried to put it in the washing machine for a joke and the dog was gonna get in.... The dog's so stupid.
[speaker004:] That's what Robert does to Kelly
[Josie:] Shelley's dog does that anyway.
[speaker004:] right up on the roof.
[Josie:] That's what Roy done, you know why, he come into my house and I goes you better not come in my door he'll attack you. And he goes, no I won't. I let him use the toilet. I goes, you better get out now and I tried to hold Dempsey back and he goes, he goes, that dog won't bite me, dogs love me. Dempsey run up bit his leg open. He went and all his leg was bleeding. I goes you better get a tetanus cos God knows what Dempsey's got.
[Truno:] There was a knuckle-duster with a knife, with a knife!
[Josie:] That's like some boys done in my school and they got caught and then they weren't allowed to go to the disco. And they had big rocket things and they were throwing them. One of them just missed the teacher's head.
[speaker004:] Yeah?
[speaker019:] We went along not allowed to have a drink and all that.
[Josie:] And they brought them flick-knife combs. You know when you flick them out and the teachers took them off of them. Cos they said, one boy, a boy, a police officer the other times thought he saw a boy with a knife and he shot him. So they took it off of him. [LAUGHTER] They thought they were all smart
[Truno:] knuckle-duster I think. This man had the hand like, in Freddy if you could punch him you'd go do you reckon he was there
[Josie:] That cat won't come in, she never comes in the stupid bitch! She just sits there at me. When your dogs were chasing her.
[Truno:] Is it?
[speaker019:] Yeah, you know that put it where and the money just keeps dropping out
[Josie:] Teachers, teachers,
[speaker004:] Gonna get her!
[Josie:] all the teachers got drunk on the first night in France. They come in singing out about twelve o'clock. And they took all the shandy out of the machine.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Josie:] They told the people in France. I don't
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Josie:] know why, just shandy. So then they would take the shandy out of the machine cos we were listening, cos everyone kept drinking all the shandy. Cans of drink were naff expensive over there out of the machine!... Those stingy cunts.
[speaker019:] I don't even bother to speak French.
[Josie:] I couldn't speak French if I tried. No one could speak French on that French trip not even the teachers. That's so stupid, innit?
[Truno:] Is it?
[Josie:] Yeah, there was one French teacher who wanted to come, they wouldn't let her come. They had a Spanish man there and another teacher, none of them spoke French. Nobody spoke, Mr spoke a little bit of French but he spoke Spanish fluently.... I mean I knew just as much as him. Bonjour, Au revoir!
[Truno:] Yeah, but hold on a minute, hold on a minute, how do you
[Josie:] I don't know, know, the man who owned the hotel we were staying in knew English. We didn't get food anyway we just eat French bread all week! They made some shitty food! Their cheese stunk like... You know how sweaty socks stink? Real bad sweaty socks. The cheese stunk like that. How can you eat food that stinks? And they had all this on top of it and everything, so everyone just eat bread.... Just bread! That's all we got, bread and water.
[Truno:] No they eat
[Josie:] We got bread, no we got bread and then the only time we got chips was in the middle of the week. You should've seen people yamming down their chips. I've never seen people eat chips, cos you know how you get sick of chips sometimes, we's shovelling down the chips down and coke, proper coke they were drinking.
[speaker019:] Isle of Wight Isle of Wight, ferry, yeah, and we, we all buy, we all buy chips yeah, and the next minute, you know, we're all walking into the arcade all these girls just come up to us and start taking chips. what you doing? And they go, can we have a chip please? Cos they, they say that they always chips. and in the middle of the night they took me out my bed and left me I had to try and find my way back to the camp. Yeah! It was Rodney and Delroy. They took me out, took me out of the bed and just dropped me! And in the morning, yeah, you have to wake up earlier they'd bring the hosepipe and they'd wake you up with cold water and you'd have to have a cold shower and everything And sometimes they, they put, they'd used I got, I got done the worse and, like, I just woke up cos I felt cold. And I woke up and I found myself that I was the only one.
[Josie:] I'd have been shitting myself!
[speaker019:] Shit to lick! I was scared! We, we had to walk back and then... and then before... and then when we got out there, try and find our way back. But if you get captured by any of the class you get you have to back away, man.
[Josie:] You lot waste out all my tape, that's good. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker019:] but we're having votes to see if we should let girls in but we shouldn't.... There's only, it's true, it's true!
[Josie:] Where, where,wh Boys' Club?
[speaker019:] Boys' Club, yeah. I goes to Mr look, there's only one girl that goes there, yeah, with her mum and that's Nadine, yeah? And she's that only Nadine alone. So I goes Mr why don't you just let girls into the club as well? And he goes, oh yeah, we'll have to have for that. But I know see enough boys are gonna say let girls in, of course, but... and he's a fool!
[Josie:] When we went camping, the girls aren't so depressing. The girls and the boys all camping together. [LAUGHTER] Some girl's going out with a boy, he zipped her tent up over them and she was so shocked she pulled her trousers down by accident. [LAUGHTER] She had nothing on underneath. []
[speaker019:] [shouting] Oi! []...
[speaker004:] ... I'm coming!
[Josie:] I've gotta go anyway, I'll see you later. Come on then, hit me with it, Mum. How does it go? How does it go? Come on Mum! Come on! No, come on! [singing] Beep you baby! [] [LAUGHTER]
[Greta:] No! I wouldn't say that!
[Josie:] Yes you would.
[Jane:] She would. Will you take that
[Josie:] Wo! I nearly had that on tape! Wo! That would've been good. Having
[Jane:] Kicking the cat.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Poor kitten, Mum....
[Greta:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Don't pretend you don't [LAUGHTER] smoke cos you do. Don't try it! []
[Greta:] Give us a cigarette, girl!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Greta:] ...
[Josie:] Why are you wrapping wires round your neck?
[Greta:] Because I'm sorting them out Josephine!
[Josie:] Oh yeah! Come on, Jane. Advertise your business on, on, you know, on tape.... Where are the tapes going back to?
[Greta:] Norway.
[Jane:] I don't have
[Josie:] Norway? gotta go that far.
[Greta:] We can't install [LAUGHTER] []
[Jane:] Jo, if you don't put that microwave, I mean
[Josie:] The microwave!
[Jane:] You don't put oh shit!
[Josie:] Jane, we don't have a microwave!
[Jane:] Oh!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jane:] If you don't put that mike away I'll give you such a big slap
[Josie:] Microwave, microwave, Jane.
[Jane:] No, I said the mike.
[Greta:] Josephine, excuse me, it's twenty past
[Josie:] Look!
[Greta:] eleven, it's bedtime.
[Josie:] See what I mean! See what I have to put up with! Eleven-twenty and I gotta go to bed! I'm fourteen!
[Jane:] Well, you're lucky!
[Greta:] Wish I was lucky.
[Jane:] My, my boys were in bed at half-nine at fourteen.
[Josie:] Yeah, I believe you
[Jane:] Well, actually ten o'clock.
[Josie:] Exactly!
[Jane:] Ten o'clock?
[Josie:] Yeah and I bet they were all asleep weren't they, Jane, by quarter-past. No they weren't.
[Jane:] Yeah, they had to be, they had to be. Jo!... Bring them down here!
[Josie:] Er?
[Jane:] Bring them down here.
[Josie:] I don't want to....
[Jane:] What a, what a waste of breath! Look.
[Josie:] Go on Jane! You know what you wanna say! You don't wanna say what a
[Jane:] Is that all we've got left of the electric cable? It'll make a [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Have you put any alarms in yet?
[Jane:] Two.
[Josie:] My Mum works for Jane in there, in the alarm business and Jane paid me five pounds.
[speaker004:] Good work!...
[Josie:] And when I worked for her boss he only paid me a fiver!
[Jane:] Yeah but that was er
[Josie:] And I Queensbank and he wouldn't even give me more than a fiver!
[Jane:] No, no,
[Josie:] To do all the wire....
[Jane:] Six look I'm learning this stuff.... Why don't they just throw them away! I thought they couldn't join them. I suppose you could if you put them through a junction box or something. God, do you realise we've got enough equipment here for us to
[Josie:] Jane, do you realise you're totally boring!
[Jane:] to install our own.
[Greta:] We didn't ask you to tape
[Josie:] I'm not taping your conversation.
[Jane:] Where's a pen? Cos he's done the installation date wrong.
[Josie:] Oh, he's done the installation date wrong! Oh God! Can't have that!
[Jane:] Actually, actually the installation date is... oh blimey, Pats, you're going right down the drain, ain't you?
[Greta:] No husband, no pen!
[Josie:] There's never any pens in this house!
[speaker004:] I've got loads upstairs
[Greta:] So if my pens go missing I'll know where they are.
[Josie:] Don't say we're poor on tape!
[Greta:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Go to Norway and listen to it, oh hey up, this family's poor!
[Greta:] I don't think they say that
[Josie:] No they don't, but it was the only accent I could think of at the time.
[Jane:] Yeah, that's true. We know you're not very intelligent, but now they know as well.
[Josie:] I can do a Swedish impression. Ya, Swedish.... Swedish.
[Jane:] Look, I wish they would put the lids [shouting] don't they know how much these screws crossed! []
[Josie:] Jesus! Where, don't you know how much these screws crossed! What is it my Mum ever said, I can't, can't, what was it Mum?
[Greta:] I can't affeed to ford you.
[Jane:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I think my Mum, say I can't affeed to ford you. And she was supposed to say I can't afford
[Greta:] Yeah, like me in kitchen Kiev! [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] to feed you. Jane gives it I'll shoot you with my machete. I say I'll just unplug the wall.... What are you looking at?
[Jane:] Right, erm I told them just throw these out!
[Josie:] What are they?
[Jane:] These are the normal
[Greta:] They're little bits of plastic.
[Josie:] Yeah, but break and then you're
[Greta:] How are we gonna break?
[Josie:] I don't know!
[speaker004:] They might have kids like my brother or sister.
[Jane:] sets off alarm off two o'clock in the morning!
[Josie:] Has got an alarm?
[Greta:] Yeah.
[Jane:] Yeah.
[Greta:] They've got cat filters on because
[Josie:] Did you put them in?
[Jane:] We'll have to take these take these out. Yeah, well my business.
[Josie:] Jane's
[Jane:] Not me. Now Jo,wh wh
[Josie:] Saying it ain't my business?
[Jane:] No, when I said my business I meant as in... the firm, I don't mean as in myself.
[Josie:] My firm, that's my Mum that is.
[Greta:] They had a problem about chickens in that programme tonight.
[Jane:] Question Time.
[Greta:] Question Time
[Jane:] It's a bit intellectual
[Josie:] Mum, Question Time.
[Greta:] Right, are you gonna let me light this cigarette or am I gonna just stand here all holding it? Thank you.
[Josie:] It's better for your health!
[Greta:] Mm mm. Last longer!
[Josie:] And you can say hey, my name's Louise. [LAUGHTER] My husband wasn't nice to me and look how I turned out!...
[Jane:] Well where's the staple gun?
[Josie:] Well you can just look at him and do his voices, look! Well, I, you know I totally dis I think Chinese is much better than like Indian, you know, because, you know, they just can't get the noodles just cooked right
[Greta:] Josephine! Shut up!
[Josie:] just like, you know, and it's bloody downright disgusting! I, I mean, you know,...
[Jane:] Shut up, Jo!...
[Josie:] I mean, you know, whenever have you ever known someone to get constipated from Chinese, you know, but it always happens at the Indian, always, always! I mean it's just disgusting!
[Jane:] Staple gun
[Josie:] It's a blue box.
[Jane:] Condoms....
[Josie:] What was that Jane, I didn't quite pick that up. Did you say?... Notice how it's all gone quiet now [LAUGHTER] cos Jane can't take the pressure. []... See you can't even have a civilized con It ain't nothing to do with my school!
[Greta:] Good!... I don't like the teachers up [LAUGHTER] there anyway. []... I only send you there cos it's cheap. [LAUGHTER] Don't have to buy uniform or nothing.... Better just explain to that tape recorder that weren't your mother speaking.
[Josie:] That was my Mum's best friend it weren't my Mum. Some stupid woman from upstairs. She just comes in, she's like Dorien out of Birds of a Feather, she just invites herself in, you know.
[Greta:] Yeah, but she hasn't got as many men in her life. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Yeah, in fact, she's only got Steve! Loo loo look! Well, you know, you know I just, you know [LAUGHTER]
[Jane:] Oh, let's be friends!
[Josie:] It's a bit
[Greta:] to old curry-face.
[Jane:] Getting all excited!
[Josie:] Who'd you mean? Edwina Curry?
[Jane:] Now look, is a real bargain. We were gonna buy one plug for one
[Greta:] No, we weren't.
[Jane:] Cos I said
[Greta:] Yeah, I know
[Jane:] they're plugs!
[Greta:] that's right, you did but we didn't, did we
[Jane:] Why?... We got er, erm, order today, Jo.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Jane:] On the phone from off the leaflets.
[Josie:] Was it my street?
[Jane:] No.
[Greta:] No.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Oh damn! []
[Greta:] ... He said yeah! Yeah! Yeah! That's us! That's us!
[Josie:] I was looking for the twenty-five pounds.
[Greta:] I said it weren't, it weren't our patch. Yes it was! Yes it was! Yes it was! I said it, it wasn't
[speaker004:] So haven't we got a phone call yet?
[Jane:] Not from
[Josie:] Well anyway it doesn't matter cos you won't get twenty-five pounds anyway cos you said I could have it.
[Greta:] until we got the first order.
[Jane:] And he did.
[Greta:] And he did.
[Jane:] And it turned out to be quite a big'un.
[Greta:] A very big'un
[Josie:] Ooh!
[Greta:] Well he can give me twenty-five pound anyway!
[Josie:] What was that? What was it?...
[Jane:] Ooh look! Erwina Curry!
[Josie:] Erwina Curry!...
[Jane:] Oh darling! Shall we do a crossword?
[Josie:] No!
[speaker004:] Read the funny's.
[Jane:] Let's do it together.
[Josie:] No.
[Jane:] ...
[speaker004:] ...
[Josie:] That stupid kitten! She can't leave the box alone!... Oh, stop it!
[Jane:] Oh yeah.
[Josie:] You lot are stinking this flat out.
[Greta:] I know.... It's Jane. Stop doing that with her bottom. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jane:] Very nice!...
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Jane:] [raspberry]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Jane []
[Greta:] What dear?
[Josie:] Don't Mum.... Jane!
[Jane:] [raspberry]
[Josie:] Jane!...
[Greta:] I caught the very end of it, in the last bit where she cries.
[Jane:] Mm.
[Josie:] I like that bit cos she don't get him. [LAUGHTER]... We were talking about that today, because you know the bit where, this is Ghost by the way, you know the bit where the man jumps inside Whoopie Goldberg?
[Jane:] Yeah, that's so funny.
[Josie:] No, but wait, listen! It was still her wasn't it? It was her body?
[Jane:] Yes.
[Josie:] Right. So when he jumps into her, what's the difference?
[Greta:] No, they, they only done that because it would've been hard for us I think, in the
[Jane:] To visualize
[Greta:] cinema, to visualize that she was dancing with him rather than Whoopie Goldberg.
[Josie:] No, no, but I know that, but I'm saying that that's what I meant, that's what I meant. So really she wasn't dancing, she was dancing with Patrick Swayze's spirit but she
[Greta:] Yes.
[Josie:] was, so when she started kissing
[Greta:] She was kissing Whoopie, Whoopie Gold
[Jane:] she didn't kiss him!
[Josie:] She does kiss him at the end.
[Jane:] Did she?
[Greta:] Yes.
[Josie:] She does kiss cos we were talking about this in science. She kissed him
[Greta:] She kisses
[Jane:] While they're dancing?
[Josie:] and everyone's saying to me, no you know, she's kissing Pat Swayze it's something that happened. I said no that
[Greta:] No!
[Josie:] Patrick Swayze's dead!. It's cos he
[Greta:] Cos everyone was crying at that bit in the in the cinema, weren't they?
[speaker004:] It's not sad because you can't, you can't visualize it. It's like coming across as something funny and very serious.
[Greta:] Yeah, a bit of the film and that's why
[Josie:] And I was, I was laughing and it, everyone was going because it was Patrick Swayze but I was still seeing Whoopie Goldberg! So I was laughing, I just thought, this is stupid! It is stupid.
[Greta:] I mean would you kiss Whoopie Goldberg?
[Josie:] No, she's not at all
[Jane:] What's name does.
[Greta:] Who?
[Jane:] Sam, out of Cheers.... Yeah.
[Josie:] What the one behind the bar she goes out with him?
[Jane:] Yeah
[Josie:] Mind you she's so funny.... I like her in Jumping Jack Flash.... I might be getting Sister Act on Saturday.
[Jane:] Yeah?
[Greta:] It includes exclusive SwayzeGoldberg interview.
[Josie:] Ooh!
[Greta:] Mind you, I've seen it at the agency
[Jane:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] No he don't. []
[Greta:] He does, he said I just want you all out there to know that I do love Patsy.
[Jane:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Mum! [] He doesn't love you. He doesn't even know you.
[Greta:] He does! Excuse me, he does!...
[Josie:] I don't know why she gets played, she got to play the leading role? She was
[Jane:] No she was good!
[Josie:] No, she was totally useless. They should've had someone completely better.
[Greta:] She cried all the time, didn't she?
[Josie:] Yeah, she was such a soppy little cow! And when Whoopie Goldberg first come to her she didn't even believe her!
[Greta:] you would've believe her, wouldn't you?
[Josie:] I would've believed her!...
[Jane:] A name?
[Greta:] I would've said yeah, on your bike
[Jane:] Three letters?
[Josie:] And I mean, when, when that man was in her house don't you think she would've changed the locks or something? Stupid woman!
[Jane:] Three letters? A name? D, B.
[Greta:] D, B, something?
[Jane:] D, something, B. A name?
[Greta:] Well I thought it was
[Jane:] No
[Josie:] Deb?
[Jane:] Could be... deb
[Josie:] Dib... dub... Okay I've gotta go to bed.
[Jane:] Put your kitchen light on.
[Josie:] Ni-night!
[Jane:] Ni-night!
[Greta:] Goodnight!
[Josie:] Sure you ain't got no more last comments? As soon as I turn off you gonna start swearing, ain't you?
[speaker021:] Anyone here support Arsenal?
[speaker004:] No.
[Josie:] What's the difference between a tea bag and Arsenal?
[speaker004:] Dunno.
[Josie:] A tea bag stays in the cup longer. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker021:] Who told you that?
[Josie:] Some little girl. I've got it on this tape about fifteen times cos everybody supports Arsenal, I said stays in the cup longer.
[speaker021:] I don't support Arsenal.
[Josie:] Miss, I ain't got a diary I've gotta buy a new one. I've lost it.
[Madigan:] Shelley!
[speaker004:] Look I got all these weeks, I had all these weeks, all these weeks left....
[Madigan:] Have you got any money with you today then?
[Josie:] No, I've got a diary at home the one, cos I lost one, I bought another one and then I found the one I supposedly lost so I'll use that one. I'll get it off my shelf.... Moi, moi, moi... I ain't gotta do it till Monday.
[speaker004:] Neither have I....
[Madigan:] Is this for today's?
[Shelley:] Yeah, but I didn't write
[Madigan:] Why have we got? This is all holiday dates here though, aren't they?
[Shelley:] no this is this week's that I, I missed out on them.
[Madigan:] Right. Well that, I say that was holiday... so
[Shelley:] And that's today's but
[Madigan:] ...
[Josie:] That's nasty.
[Madigan:] Now when is this from? Twenty-second of the third... Tuesday then, when are we starting right, that was the second of the fourth. That needs signing.
[speaker023:] You need to sign...
[Shelley:] Janice, what is this?
[Josie:] Disgusting, innit?
[speaker021:] That's filthy
[Josie:] They were reading it down the tape and I had to tape it all. Dear Doctor Allen, I was with my dog and you read one yet?
[speaker021:] Yeah.
[Josie:] That's, that was disgusting!
[Madigan:] Right, we'll see yours on Monday.
[Josie:] Yeah.... They were disgusting! She goes Dear Doctor Allen, My Mum and Dad went out the other day and I was bored so I started rubbing my dog and my dog got turned on and so did I. In fact I got turned on so much I come.... No you were writing them! You've got a disgusting mind!
[speaker004:] ...
[Shelley:] Take That poster, Take That
[Josie:] And he's a Kylie Minogue fan.... Urgh! Snot rag!
[Shelley:] Yeah, what about it?
[Josie:] It's your snot!
[Shelley:] Just cos you use your
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] [] and then I flick them at people.
[Shelley:] Urgh!
[Josie:] Who watched Ruby Wax last night?... Did you watch Ruby Wax?... She's wicked! Did you watch Ruby Wax?
[Shelley:] Isn't thingy on there any more?
[Josie:] No. Did you see Ruby Wax? She... she pushed, there was like ten men in a, like, six men in a row. She pushed the first one and they all started to fall face down. Do you know what I mean? And she started running. She ran to the end of the queue and when the man fell flat, face down, he fell on top of her and she was going like that to the camera.
[speaker021:] I like that bit with Joanna Lumley and they were
[Josie:] Yeah, did, they, did, Joanna Lumley was supposed to, like, her husband was supposed to have left her and she was going mad, drinking and everything, right. She was drinking vinegar! Squeezing it down her throat and everything. All these men started dancing with her and she couldn't believe it and she started dancing with them, right. And then sh like, you know how sometimes in the, an old dance routine they put a coat on the woman and everything, she's dancing and they bring this coat towards her and she goes like that and it's a straight jacket. Cos she's gone mad and they put it on her, right, and they, they're holding her and they're tapping out of the stage sidewards and she's sort of like going like this, she, she, thinks all these nice men'll love me and then like at the end of the show you see them, they're tapping her out of the studio and putting her into a van and she's still wearing a straight jacket and smiling at you.
[speaker021:] Cos Jennifer Saunders not in it any more, is she?
[Josie:] No. But she was cooking and she was going you take, she goes, she goes, some people like it a little bit on the side, you know, with their food, some people on the side. My husband wanted a little bit on the side
[speaker021:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] She goes, she goes yeah, she goes let's have some French dressing. She goes everybody likes French dressing You should've watched it, it was really good.
[speaker021:] She goes jam tart
[Josie:] Tarts! She's going really cheap tarts! And she gets a cabbage and she's beating it up, was she?
[speaker021:] She could never could she?
[Shelley:] Who ain't on there any more?
[Josie:] Jennifer Saunders. Oh it was really good it was so funny. She was beating up the
[Shelley:] I watch
[Josie:] cabbage with a No, it ain't on that much. Ruby Wax is on that's all, the Full Wax. I love the beginning when she says, will you get out my way, please? And she knocks the runner over.
[speaker023:] I've got that stupid song on, what's it, what's it called?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing] Young at heart []
[Josie:] When it first come out, when it first come out I didn't mind it, but now I don't like it. Have you seen the video?
[Shelley:] They kiss.
[Josie:] You know when the two men... yeah they go, he goes like that at the end and then this week they went [singing] there's no business like show business [] at the end. No, you know when it, the video, there's two men on the fair ride, have you seen it?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] And they're kissing each other
[Shelley:] Are they?
[Josie:] They're not kissing each other, he goes like that, he put his arm round the other man and he kisses him like that.
[speaker021:] Are you sure it ain't a girl?
[Josie:] No, it's two men, innit?
[Shelley:] It is two men.
[Josie:] And he puts, he puts his arm round him and he goes like, he's got his arm round him and squeezing him like that. He don't kiss him. Kissed him on the cheek. It was just bad enough having their arm round each other.
[speaker021:] It wasn't an actual
[speaker023:] Yeah, I know yeah.
[Josie:] Two men with their arm around each other. Don't like that.
[speaker021:] I, I bought that when it come out about two years ago. bought it.
[Josie:] Cos it's only verses and then they go [singing] young at heart [] and then they go What, Bluebells? I used to, gone off of it. I like the video.
[speaker023:] Who watches them Little House on the Prairies?
[Josie:] I do.
[speaker023:] Good, isn't it?
[Josie:] It was good this week.
[speaker023:] I know, it was about the
[Josie:] Did you see it? She, yeah, she ran away with him.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah I know. []
[Josie:] Did you see it when he took his clothes off and he that
[speaker021:] Nellie's such a bitch, ain't she?
[speaker023:] Who Nellie?
[speaker021:] The one who got married, yeah.
[speaker023:] Yeah, I know....
[Josie:] When, you know when she got the gun and she was trying to kill him and he was saying ah!
[speaker021:] Six sides! I only done one and a half!... Did you watch Grange Hill. I'm watching Grange Hill the old series. It's go Mark in it.
[speaker023:] Is it?
[Josie:] And he's so, he's so
[Shelley:] beginning?
[Josie:] It's on at about half four to five. About half-ten I think.
[speaker021:] Half-ten at night?
[Josie:] Morning.
[speaker021:] Grange Hill the first ever
[Josie:] On Sundays about half-ten, no quarter-to-eleven.
[speaker021:] In the morning?
[Josie:] Yeah, cos the Rug Rats are on first. I love watching that...
[speaker023:] Oh Janet Jackson's film looked really nice, didn't it?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[speaker023:] Yeah, I know, but her song was good
[Josie:] She looked really cute. I think she's really cute.
[speaker021:] She looks like her brother.
[Josie:] But better.
[speaker021:] The bit at the end, the bit at the end when she goes
[speaker023:] I think her song is really nice and there was another one on there, you know
[Josie:] I didn't watch it, only saw Janet Jackson
[speaker023:] Did you watch it?
[speaker021:] What went on Top of the Pops?
[speaker023:] Yeah.
[speaker021:] Mm.
[speaker023:] Live from whatever. They weren't in the studio
[speaker021:] Oh them
[Josie:] [yawning] I watched, I only watched Janet Jackson. []
[speaker023:] Yeah....
[Josie:] Did you watch that Australian thing?... The Australian family at half-nine. That was really good. Did you watch it? Half-nine, it, it was erm, they show you a family... that, it weren't, it's not... no, it's not, not the set up thing, the thing where they've gone into the house with cameras and the people like,
[speaker023:] I know.
[Josie:] the documentary, yeah about Australian, three Australian families are in a street.
[speaker023:] Yeah, but that's stupid because... cos they're not gonna act
[Josie:] They are! She goes, she goes, she goes
[Shelley:] I don't even care if the kids don't like him I love
[Josie:] She goes though, he's not having a party so, he's invited thirty-five kids and, and they're all bringing their own friends, there's not gonna be enough room, he goes forget it then, I won't have the party. She goes no, it's his sixteenth birthday and you'll have a fucking party, Wayne. It was wicked!
[Shelley:] She goes I knew Laurie for three weeks and then after that he moved in with me, innit, like? And she goes
[Josie:] I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. It was really good.
[Shelley:] She goes oh, erm, yeah, just because we've gotta house like this hasn't got such a glamorous house
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] While we're getting married at least we can invite the kids to the wedding she goes cos I'm upset too she goes let me comb your hair oi Mum! That hurts! Yes, she's dragging the comb....
[Josie:] It's only fifteen.
[speaker004:] Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Urgh!
[Josie:] What?... That was funny though.
[Shelley:] It's on next week, you'll have to watch it.
[Josie:] I'm watching it again, you know, it was a joke.
[speaker023:] What's it called?
[Shelley:] It's called family. It's something, it's something, it's something like that
[Josie:] An Au An Australian family.
[speaker023:] The Aussies!
[Josie:] It's really good. It's on half-nine or ten on one. It was really good.
[speaker021:] We watched a film on erm, Wednesday. It was on ten-past five till seven, and it's always, like, about
[Shelley:] I saw some little girl
[Josie:] Mm?
[Shelley:] Er? and she goes...
[speaker004:] Desmond thinks that who's is that?
[Josie:] Desmond thinks that he's the dad of thing cos he was so drunk that he slept with her but his mum
[speaker004:] Is he? When he comes back?
[Josie:] In the holiday.
[speaker023:] Is it just a polo neck sort of type? Oh it's got a pocket....
[speaker021:] Five pound Dad got the first cheque through the post today. No, a grand. He's meant to get eleven grand so he's sorting out that.
[speaker023:] Is it?....
[speaker021:] Yeah, they're, they're green ones and it's got purple down the, you know they show purple inside of it
[speaker023:] Inside the tracksuit?
[speaker021:] Yeah, but it's purple
[speaker023:] Oh, I think I know what you mean. Have you got a pair?
[speaker021:] Yeah.
[speaker023:] Do you wear them?
[speaker021:] A bit.
[Josie:] I don't bother doing P E.... Sometimes no I don't bring a kit in I just put a tracksuit on and if I do it I do it. If I don't I don't. But I'm not gonna do it today cos I wanna tape. I can't believe it! I can't believe it!... I can't believe it! Oh my god! It's been a year today, you know, a year today with Sally.
[Shelley:] You've been going out with your
[Josie:] I can't believe it!
[Shelley:] Explain it to me?
[Josie:] She's been going out with her boyfriend for a year today and they get on so well!
[Shelley:] Well done!
[Josie:] And you know what? I reckon they're made for each other. I really do! [shouting] I can't believe it! []
[Shelley:] That's really well done! I really agree with you.
[Josie:] I'm so happy for you! Honestly, I'm really happy for you! No, cos he said it to me yesterday, he goes No, I haven't seen him yet.
[Shelley:] Seen who?... Who's that?
[Josie:] [shouting] Oi! you slag! []...
[Shelley:] Come on then, let's go down. Oh, you've gotta go. Right, and I'll see you at break-time, meet me in the picture, pictures.
[Josie:] Keep talking.
[Shelley:] All right then... yeah, like I was saying I got into a massive argument with him last night I had an argument with Osman, right
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] and I told him to fuck off and I told him he was a pain and all the rest of it and so
[Josie:] Oh right.
[Shelley:] I am, I said to him don't ever fucking talk to me again! Just piss off! I don't wanna know you any more.!
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] And then he got pissed off because erm the cigarette business, right.
[Josie:] What cigarette business?
[Shelley:] Cos he thought I'd, I'd smoke it, I was smoking and he didn't like it and then erm he told me I don't wanna talk to you any more, blah, blah, blah, all that rubbish.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] And then I said, right don't ever talk to me again, right. So horrible with me so I think I'll just apologise.
[Josie:] Hi, Miss!... Miss, did you mark my work?... Miss?... Miss, didn't you mark it?... Miss, you didn't mark... Miss!... Miss! Miss, you didn't mark it.
[speaker004:] No, but I've got it here.
[Josie:] All right....
[Shelley:] Guess what? You know I always borrow everyone's pen, I went and bought myself a new one just like Josie's one.
[Josie:] Wait a minute! Wait. I told her she could have my one cos it only had that much ink in it.
[Shelley:] Twenty-eight pence.... Oh! That Josie's!
[Josie:] Don't frighten me! You know that really hurts my ears when you do that.
[Shelley:] What?
[Josie:] Bang on the table.... It hurts mine!
[Shelley:] You're very sensitive, aren't you?
[Josie:] Plus I've got the microphone right next to me.
[Shelley:] [LAUGHTER] What's that got to do with it! []
[Josie:] When they're close to the microphone you stupid idiot!... Well if you're all the way over there and I'm talking to you I can hear my voice more. Yeah, but I can hear my voice louder than yours.... Oh, I can hear that, you know, that hurts!... Ah!... And don't sing because that's even worse....
[Shelley:] I've got a...
[Josie:] No.... Saying it'd been a year when it's been ten! Then she'll get a little card. When it's been twenty she can get a present.... James, come on, talk!... That was effective! Oh, I've got my music folder!... Yeah.
[speaker004:] Oh no, please, don't tell them
[Josie:] Oh, shut up! She always gets me in trouble! She always says I can't be bothered to play the piano, I can't play that and I have to make some shitty little tune up
[speaker004:] No! I make it up as well
[Josie:] No you don't! And I make up this
[speaker004:] Shut up!
[Josie:] rubbishy little tune, right, that don't make sense and she plays it and it's all me.
[speaker004:] Jo! Don't even bother joining in.
[Josie:] Yes, I do bother!
[speaker004:] No!
[Josie:] Yes! It is me. I always make up
[speaker004:] No, it's not
[Josie:] yes, it is.
[speaker004:] No, it isn't
[Josie:] and she lost my most expensive pen down the back of the piano. [shouting] Cos I don't care! []...
[Shelley:] Who do you work with in music?
[Josie:] That little fart over there!
[speaker004:] Who's a fart? You're shit!
[Josie:] You Sara!
[speaker004:] language, please.
[Josie:] Oh shut up!
[speaker004:] You shut your mouth!...
[Josie:] Ah!... You don't argue with Sara.
[Shelley:] What are we meant to do?... Oh, where's my one?
[Josie:] Up your bum!
[Shelley:] Get me one...
[Josie:] Da, da, da! Bloody, bastard, buggery, bum, balls!... Can I have a piece of paper, please.
[speaker004:] In fact you can have two. How about that then, eh? Don't touch! Shut up!
[Josie:] No!... He wants another piece! Bloody greedy! That's what he is!... [singing] [] Oh, I see, two for me, two for you, two for for you!
[speaker004:] She got one! She got one!
[Josie:] I got two!... Ah! Fucking lying bitch!...
[speaker004:] What!
[Josie:] Sara! I don't know, you tell me.... And Sara!
[speaker004:] What?
[Josie:] You I will!... Look what she done? When had her name up for detention she goes rub it off! He goes no. She goes rub it off. She goes if you won't, I will!... You're too feisty... and she didn't in the end, didn't she?
[Shelley:] Where's my bag?
[Josie:] Up your bum!... It's on the mat.... I know she that's a waste of paper!
[Shelley:] Don't matter.
[Josie:] That is a certain waste of paper! You writ a title, you didn't like it so you're re-doing it.
[Shelley:] No, but there's things, I will not waste that paper, I'll do
[Josie:] You lot always write your name in the wrong place. You're supposed to write your name in the margin.
[speaker004:] Are you?
[Josie:] You are! You are!
[Shelley:] You're not! I don't.
[Josie:] Oh, so you don't so told you the first year!
[Shelley:] No!
[Josie:] Name, date, title.... What's the date?... It's all right, I know.
[speaker004:] Twenty-third, you do-do!
[Josie:] I know!... You little short arse! Little short arse! What questions do we have to answer?...
[speaker004:] them sheets!
[Josie:] No, but, oh there's certain ones we're not supposed to answer.... Janice! Do we do question one?... Oh, so we do all the rest and we write them.... Oh dear! I'm so bored!... I wish someone would come and blow up the school for us. Wouldn't it be good?... What? You'd kill me if I blew up the school?... Oh god! That would be so funny if Sara died!... Oh, how you spell that? [singing] Henry's, meow, Henry's, meow, na, na, Henry's cat, meow.... Henry's, meow, Henry's meow, Henry's, Henry's cat, meow! [] Used to like that.... Who want's a game of golf?... Where's my pencil case?... [singing] Henry's, meow, Henry's []
[speaker004:] Do you watch that? See it Monday? What do you watch?
[Josie:] No, I watch, I watch the Addams family.
[Shelley:] Where's the pencil case?
[Josie:] I don't know, have you got it?
[Shelley:] Put it out?
[Josie:] I think so....
[Shelley:] pencil case.
[Josie:] Stupid little bitch! Put it back!
[speaker004:] I ain't got it!
[Josie:] You have!
[Shelley:] Janice, have you got it, cos I saw you taking something?
[Josie:] Sara, get up!... Right, get up!... Shake about a bit.
[Shelley:] Janice has got it.
[Josie:] Janice, stand up!... Give me it, you little cow!
[Shelley:] I told you Janice had got it. making me out to be a lying bitch.
[speaker004:] You trust me, didn't you?...... People in Bangladesh live longer than people in... Brazil!... Where's Bangladesh? Bangladesh?...
[Shelley:] No, that's no right.
[Josie:] Ain't it right?... What's the next one? E Japan's the healthiest country to live in. How can it be true? When their health only seven?... Shelley!... Seven people It's not true. [singing] Oh, I could become American, to America [] Is that true, Sara?... Brazil is a...... eventually... in Mexico... [singing] I could become a Mexican, way up to a Mexico, how do we get to a Mexico, jump to a Mexico! How do we get to a Mexico, how do we get to a Mexico. []
[speaker024:] What you're doing, you're studying these profiles
[Shelley:] and it says draw graph three?
[speaker024:] Three indicates... so it's asking you that you choose. You could... well you could choose a graph to indicate G.
[speaker004:] I won't do it!
[speaker024:] Yeah?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[speaker024:] You could do a graph with child mortality, child health. You could do a graph to show You don't have to do so six countries, three indicators. So all six of these countries, right?
[Shelley:] What do you mean
[speaker024:] These are indicators, these boxes.
[Shelley:] So only do three of them?
[speaker024:] You just pick three of them. It shows you whether they're excellent or bad, poor or poorly.
[Shelley:] So what shall I do the on?
[speaker024:] It's up to you to pick three indicators. You could
[Shelley:] Say I do that on
[speaker024:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Shelley:] How would I know what to mark them?
[speaker024:] Well, G M T for China, two hundred and eighty dollars. The E C O P at a hundred and forty dollars. Benegal
[Shelley:] Three hundred
[speaker024:] Three hundred and forty, so on. So you'd do, I mean I would
[Shelley:] Yeah, but
[Josie:] Can't you see, me...
[speaker024:] Well, along the bottom, chapter six, twenty-three, there's this guide how to do G M P and then just do it as a straight bar graph.
[Shelley:] Okay.
[speaker024:] Yeah?
[Josie:] So who's the best out of the three? What about the whole school or just our year?
[Shelley:] Just this class.
[Josie:] This class?
[Shelley:] Well, there's no one in this class
[Josie:] Our year, our year. Best looking boy starting from the top.
[Shelley:] No,
[Josie:] Right, all the schools
[speaker023:] All the schools everywhere.
[Josie:] That's too much, just our year from the bottom. Like the worst to the best. Three people, no five! Right, the worst person, the ugliest person in our year. Yeah, five. Ugliest person in our year.... Come on you two, think!
[speaker023:] Come on then, who do you think?
[Josie:] A pole....
[speaker023:] Who's that?
[Josie:] Abdullah.
[speaker023:] Abdullah... Right
[Josie:] Abdullah's number, Abdullah's but the best looking... No, I won't!
[speaker023:] All right, all right, the best looking white boy...
[Josie:] Right, the best looking white boy has gotta be....
[speaker021:] Who's the best looking black boy?
[speaker023:] We haven't said yet.
[speaker021:] best looking black boy....
[speaker023:] I reckon it's Damian....
[speaker021:] Damian, I, I'll agree with that.... [LAUGHTER] Erm what about the white boy.
[Josie:] What what is the relationship with her?... Who do you think's the best looking boy?
[Shelley:] Alan!
[Josie:] Why aren't you doing know work Shelley? We're not getting no where do you know that?
[speaker004:] Just shut up.
[Josie:] No, why aren't you doing nothing?
[Shelley:] I am though!
[Josie:] You're not! You're not... I'll fucking murder you!
[speaker004:] I'll murder you!...
[Josie:] Yeah that was it.
[speaker004:] All right.
[speaker023:] Miss, what are we gonna write here? You know when it says what relationship
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker023:] Yeah, what have we gotta write?
[speaker004:] Well look at it!... What can you say?
[Josie:] It's nice innit?
[speaker004:] graph about the
[Josie:] So vain!
[speaker004:] relationship between and life expectancy....
[Josie:] She nodded....
[speaker004:] She loves me really...
[Josie:] How long have you been going out with Alan!... That isn't very nice. How long have you been going out with Alan?
[speaker004:] Shelley!... Miss Yeah!
[Josie:] How long have you been going out with Alan?
[speaker021:] Ten years.
[Josie:] A year!...
[speaker021:] Was you engaged, Miss?
[speaker004:] Who?
[speaker021:] You.
[speaker004:] No, no, no, we split up.
[Josie:] No, no, no.
[speaker004:] After nine years.
[speaker021:] Ah!
[speaker004:] ... Right... okay, good, now
[speaker023:] You gotta write down the relationship.
[speaker021:] Sara, just leave me alone I gotta think about it.
[speaker023:] I ain't got a brain, Shal, I gotta think about it.
[speaker021:] I wanna go to the library if you can't go....
[speaker023:] Are you coming? Yeah.
[speaker004:] Cos he's the first person to hold a conversation...
[Josie:] What are you doing?...
[speaker023:] Colouring it?
[Josie:] Colouring what?
[speaker023:] My bar graph.
[Josie:] Nobody told me about a bar graph. It's time to pack up.... Miss, have you marked my work yet?... She never listens to me. Miss!... ooh er, ooh er, oops! What? Yeah.... I'm going to the library though.... Miss! Miss have you marked... Oh dear!... I wonder if she's marked my thing since Monday?... My... assignment.
[speaker004:] I'd go home, Sara, if you're not feeling well.
[Josie:] No I wouldn't, you gotta come music with me, I'm not going music on my own.
[Shelley:] No let her go home, Sara, I really don't mind.
[Josie:] I do! You lot ain't been in music, I have.
[Shelley:] We don't mind, do we Sara?
[Josie:] I mind cos I love it.
[Shelley:] Ooh.
[Josie:] Ooh! Ooh!... Miss, have you marked it yet?
[speaker004:] I'm just in the middle of reading. It's all right actually. You've definitely got the right idea....
[Josie:] Hear that? My work You all right? I got
[speaker023:] Most your work's good Most of your work's good then.
[Josie:] True, true, true.
[speaker023:] You can never, you can never ask
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker023:] I just offered to erm in Tech class can you?
[Josie:] No, I hate Tech class.... I hate Music too. In fact I hate most of my lessons. I, I only really like Humanities and English. set me free, all right I'm reading The Shining. I like Stephen King.
[speaker004:] I really enjoyed that. Stephen King I liked him.
[Josie:] Yeah, I like him too. Have you read It, Miss?
[speaker004:] No, but I've read erm... that one about that thing that comes up out the ground... it was so creepy, it was really creepy.
[Josie:] It does that as well, he comes up out
[speaker004:] Oh, well maybe it's It but I've read something
[Josie:] It's a clown!
[speaker004:] Is it a clown?
[Josie:] Yeah, it's a clown.
[speaker004:] Oh, that was just scary.
[Josie:] And Misery
[speaker021:] You couldn't watch that.
[speaker023:] Have you seen the film of it yet?
[Shelley:] Misery, that's brilliant.
[speaker021:] That was good.... The film was good when she hammers his foot urgh!
[Josie:] She, she, she chopped his foot off him and blow torches afterwards. His leg while
[speaker021:] His, his foot hammered it down so he can't walk, it was disgusting.
[Josie:] Miss!... Miss! Have you seen It of video?
[speaker004:] No, I didn't know it was on video.
[Josie:] It's about three hours long. It's on two tapes.... It's a bit boring though. Boring....
[speaker004:] Right, can I have these sets of sheets back, please and can you pack away now! The next two Mondays we're not gonna have humanities because we're off! I expect you to work on the assignments you owe me at home!
[Josie:] Here you are, Jane!... What was that Stephen?
[speaker004:] Nothing.
[Josie:] Good.
[speaker004:] Nothing joking.
[Josie:] Good.
[speaker004:] Informer
[Josie:] Good....
[Shelley:] What did he say?
[Josie:] He never knew I was an informer. Miss!... Miss.... you've cracked it again now. Don't
[speaker004:] Eh?
[Josie:] it breaks
[speaker004:] It breaks?
[Josie:] Yeah. Well, as far as I'm concerned... Nick's a cunt. As simple as that.... he... he's... he, he's a... he's a user and he can't take it when he's dumped and he can't take being told the truth, like he's an idiot. And he likes to talk about you.
[speaker004:] My mate's Gary, my mate Gary's erm friend called Nick yeah? Alright, he's going out with a girl called Laura, he's coming onto her sister but he thinks he's in love with Sally. Hang on, is that three girls? Yeah. Oh fuck! tricky It's so stupid! really love Sally.
[Josie:] And you know the thing, no wait a minute, the thing that gets me is you know when James fancied me? Right, now it was obvious James fancied me. Now all I wanted was for James to ask me out and I would've when out with him you know. But Nick got in there first. But what pissed me off was, right,
[Kate:] He used you to get James.
[Josie:] No, no, no, no, nothing like that. What pissed me off is, is he's hanging about with James and that lot now right, but when you talk about James and that lot to him its, oh they're a bunch of chiefs.
[speaker004:] Is it
[Josie:] Don't, no don't say anything because he comes back to me, it comes back onto me. It don't matter whether you say I won't say anything cos it always comes back. But he thinks Cathy and that lot are going to he thinks Cathy's a slag and everything, yet he's still hanging about with all you lot.
[Kate:] He's a slag. And I'm just going to put this in the bin.
[Josie:] He's gay. I really, no he really pisses me off...
[Kate:] wanker.
[Josie:] and... he's just using James and that lot. Cos I never say, I mean I don't,
[Kate:] Cos he hasn't got any friends of his own.
[Josie:] I don't me I mean I like James and that lot. I think all of that lot are alright. Peter's, but if I think Peter's a bit of a tosser I tell Peter to his face, he's a tosser.
[speaker004:] Did you see what Peter did round there right? You know Nick being really cool? He had some Hoola Hoops and he crunched them all up and then he went
[Josie:] blurgh! spat them all out.
[speaker004:] He spat them all out and then Peter goes... oh Peter! Urgh!
[Josie:] On, off the floor?
[speaker004:] Off the floor.
[Josie:] And Nick had chewed it all up?
[Shelley:] Nick had spat it out like he'd thrown it up or something. Horrible!
[Kate:] Urgh! Peter's nasty, man.
[Shelley:] Oh God you haven't, have you heard about the fifth year toilet yet?
[Josie:] No what happened.
[Shelley:] Someone shitted on the floor.
[Kate:] Someone crapped on the floor!
[Shelley:] By the loo, I had to go in there
[Josie:] she must've been holding it in because she didn't wanna wipe her bum with her hand and then you know it just burst out before she could get to the toilet.
[Shelley:] Well I did go cos I was investigating yeah. And you know it had little blobs, alright, leading up to the big long shit! It was as if they were really desperate and they knickers round their ankles running into the toilet!
[Kate:] That must be really embarrassing.
[Shelley:] Mind you I suppose it's better on the floor than in your knickers
[Josie:] I mean I remember when I went, first went to my cheap caravan site where there isn't a toilet and you have to walk to the toilets, and I remember a couple of times when I was little, shitting my pants on the way to the toilets, you know, cos I couldn't hold it in. But... when you reach this age you should be able to control it!
[Kate:] My first year at Grange Hill, right, you know when I used to wear boxer shorts with no knickers on underneath?
[Josie:] Dirty Cath!
[Kate:] I was, I, I had diarrhoea this time, yeah, and I was
[Shelley:] Oh my God!
[Kate:] I was busting,
[Josie:] Oh, you didn't shit your pants, did you?
[Kate:] I was busting and I was there going... I said and I couldn't exactly say... can I go to the toilet? So I did one and then this, by this time I was desperate. Look, I've got to go to the toilet! Alright then. I went running and I went running and I the relief of sitting down on that toilet and going... [sigh] you know you know when your completely busting and then it's the relief
[Josie:] It's like when you piss and it's really bad, it's really bad and then you get to the toilet and it's... that's why I like that bit in, have you seen A League of Their Own? Where he comes in and he does that piss and he's and Madonna's standing there looking at him like this... and she's just looking at him and she's going, anyone who can keep it up that long and he's just sitting there going er no he's going er and she's going, she's going, and she's coming round like that trying to look at him, I couldn't stop laughing. And the piss was going on for ages. Janice goes, it wasn't good. A League of Their Own.
[Alice:] Oh I thought that was quite good!
[Josie:] She said it wasn't as good as good as they thought it was gonna be, everyone told me it was brilliant. I said, I don't care what people think I, I think it's brilliant.... No, I think it was brilliant.
[Shelley:] I thought it would've been a bit better but I did enjoy it, I did enjoy it. It was a good film.
[Alice:] Yeah, I mean there were bits
[Josie:] It's the sort of film you can sit and watch a few times. Well I know I can. You know what I mean i, that's what I mean, it was, it wasn't predictable, do you know what I mean? And it was, I mean, right, things like House Party and all that lot... white man Malcolm X, they're all black films.... If the truth be known. And that's why I like Candyman. Shelley said that was crap. Grace thought it was brilliant. Why?
[Shelley:] Because the man's a black man.
[Josie:] The thriller man in it is a black man. It's not that they're being racist
[Shelley:] It was just a shitty film.
[Josie:] I mean, I, I agree with them there's hardly any leading roles for black people but
[Alice:] I mean the problem is that
[speaker004:] Eddie Murphy films are good though
[Josie:] And Whoopie Goldberg and they're brilliant actor
[Alice:] She, she's done some brilliant anti-racist films
[Josie:] yeah they.
[Shelley:] But the thing is even people that, even though people are saying, well you've gotta get more black people into it, but if
[Kate:] You know, there's, there's a law in America.
[Josie:] But that's, but that's what I mean, they're making, they're saying let's make, when the white people make films black and white people watch them, they're not specifically [pronounced persifically] made for white people, not specifically [pronounced persifically] made for black people, it just happens to be white actors. But when they make a black film, they make a black film for black people to sit and watch. I've got it all on this tape Malcolm X, Kerry's saying Malcolm X is brilliant, he was a black man, he was a nigger and Truno was going shut up Truno's black too and she was going shut up! Malcolm X, stupid black nigger, do you know what I mean. But because they're black it don't make no difference, do you know what I mean.
[Alice:] Cos if we say it
[Shelley:] We say it
[Josie:] But if I was to say it, it's different. Like, Kerry goes to me, cos I've got a black kitten he goes, what are you gonna call it? I goes dunno. Goes call it Malcolm X. I goes shut up! He goes, call it, call it Ma call it Martin X and then he says call it Nigger. I think Nigger's a good name but, you know what I mean like, come here Nigger! But... it's, it's racist. If I'd a, if I were walking down the street going [mimics kissing] Nigger! sorry! [LAUGHTER]
[Alice:] Last year, right, I was on holiday in the South of France and I, I'd made friends with these two German people and I'm a bit wary of German people anyway, cos of what's happened and everything.
[Josie:] Mm.
[Alice:] And, no, they hadn't done anything racist up until then and I goes casually, do you like Bob Marley? No, he's a black nigger. What! Do you know what you're saying you are, you are some stupid
[Josie:] He's a legend, man.
[Alice:] fool. You know? I'm going and, and I said, look, he's a decent bloke. He goes, [mimicking] yes, he's a nice man, but black. [] I went well observed! you know I would never have known
[Josie:] Bob Marley was brilliant.
[Alice:] But the thing is, you know all that erm early stuff that Bob Marley did, they're bringing it out, it's not that good.
[Josie:] Yeah, they shouldn't, they shouldn't cos his music was made for that time.... That was, the music was made for his, that time, you know what I mean, it's not for this time.
[Alice:] I know, but I mean But some of the stuff is brilliant.
[Josie:] But I hate people... I, I hate people that are, I hate people that are biased, like the new Madonna book. That book's disgusting! It's a disgusting book, she shouldn't have made it. Have you seen it yet? I wanna see it. Do you know, I hate people that do that. They're saying it's disgusting but they wanna see it.... Body of Evidence. Body of Evidence is disgusting film. I wanna watch it. [LAUGHTER] You know what I mean.
[Kate:] I'll tell you what's a good film, and I don't care what anyone says, but I really love Robin Hood, Prince of Thieves.
[Josie:] Yes, that was brilliant!
[Alice:] I do like that film but you've
[Josie:] Whose seen,
[Alice:] seen it so many times
[Josie:] who's seen, who's seen Basic Instinct?
[speaker004:] I haven't. My mum's seen it.
[Kate:] That's a really dirty film, innit? I didn't think
[Josie:] It is so crap I don't know what it is. It is a sexist... stupid perverted film, I watched it round Nick's house.
[speaker027:] Oh god.
[Kate:] Oh well that explains it
[Josie:] No, no listen to this, listen to this, right. There's no nudity of men... right, it's all nudity of women, like when Sharon Stone sits there with her legs her open and she ain't go no knickers on. It's all nudity of women. There ain't one decent man in it, only Michael Douglas.
[Kate:] He's not exactly
[Josie:] He was nicer when he was young but kind of now, he's kind of old, do you know what I mean. Exactly. There's no decent men in it and there's no nudity of men it, even when he's in it all you got to see of him was waist-high, you got to see a clips of his bum. It was such a se it was, it's, the only bit that was worth be seeing was the beginning bit when she's fucking a man she sticks an axe through him. A pick, an ice pick through him.
[James:] [shouting] How's your eye, Aiden? []... [LAUGHTER] Did Nick say when he was
[Josie:] Don't bother watching. In fact I'd wait four days, I'd wait four years to watch it on T V it's so crap. Janice thinks it's brilliant.
[Shelley:] Yeah, but she's sort of really naive and really
[Kate:] Gets on my nerves sometimes.
[Shelley:] I'm not being funny, but she's a white man's woman, don't you think so?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Kate:] She, she's all
[Shelley:] Very dependent.
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Kate:] Very
[Josie:] Ooh Alan, ooh Alan.
[Kate:] She, she's everything men want women to be, you know.
[Josie:] She's pathetic. Like it really, that film really pisses me off right, when he's beating her up and he rips her knickers off and fucks her up the arse and Nick's going that's how to treat a wo it's disgusting... fucking a woman up her arse, and ripping off the woman's knickers and rip putting it up sitting watching it thinking
[Kate:] There's that film Nine and a half weeks, I haven't seen that I suppose as well. He ties her up, rubs ice blocks all over her. Lovely
[Josie:] The difference is with Body of Evidence is it's Madonna whose in, it's a woman whose in control. It's a woman whose using a man. It's a woman that's taking advantage of men, that's good. That's why I wanna see it.
[Kate:] It is
[Josie:] Body of Evidence? It's, it's a woman!
[Kate:] it's still like, it's still like the opposite of Basic Instinct
[Josie:] Yeah, it's the opposite of Basic Instinct. It's like, with... Sharon Stone, even at the end she was still dependent on Michael Douglas, like, when he was going she was crying and she couldn't kill him at the end cos she loved him so much and, you know what I mean, so no, Body of Evidence, it'll probably have a rubbish end and she'll probably marry the lawyer or something, but it was still good to see her beat, tying a man up, putting candle wax on him and shit.
[Alice:] Oh my god!
[Kate:] anyone seen that?
[Josie:] Oh, it was brilliant! He's so cute! I think I've fallen in love with Rick Mayall now.
[Kate:] Did you like the end when they, she had to leave him?
[Shelley:] I love, I love Tony Slattery.
[Josie:] You know, you know what bit made me laugh? You know the bit when they're out in the garden and he goes, he goes, why are you back? She goes, cos I'm, I'm erm, she goes, erm, cos, no, cos you're not happy. And he goes, well get happy! And he gets the spade and hits her on the head with it and he goes, I never want to talk to you again and he kicks her in the head. [LAUGHTER] I couldn't stop laughing. []
[Kate:] I thought it was funny bannister he went like this and went
[Josie:] Yeah, he went oh! He goes, who put that there? And the bit where he goes [singing] He goes urgh, cobwebs and she goes piss off! She goes Mum, come and sit here, she goes, piss off! like that and the mother goes you talking to me? And she goes... And the little girl!
[Kate:] I liked it when he went [singing] smelly smelly smelly dog poo []
[Josie:] [singing] Dog pooh! wipe it on the sides a doo di doo di doo [] I loved the way he done that! And you know the bit where erm she's in bed and the hand comes out from behind the pillow and it goes [sound effect] over the back of her head and she goes, she goes, she was so cute she goes, she goes, what a pile of shit! and when, you know when she cleans up all the cornflakes?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Josie:] She's sitting there, she's putting it all in and she goes, she goes... and she goes and she goes, yeah
[Kate:] And when her mum stands there back of her hair trying to
[Josie:] Yeah, and she stands, she's going, she's going, on the way I caught cornflakes disease aargh! [LAUGHTER]
[Kate:] Not even a
[Josie:] I know, he goes, I don't love you, you know. He goes I'm an alien, I'm going into space but on the way I caught cornflakes disease aargh!
[Kate:] it's like why do you call him honey? She goes [mimicking] cos that's his name, Daddy []
[Josie:] ... You know when that comes on telly again?
[Kate:] What?
[Josie:] Can you tape if for me? You tape it me and give me the tape and I'll give you a tape in exchange because I wanna keep it.
[Kate:] Alright, I'll have to find one.
[Josie:] Thanks, Kate.
[Alice:] What have you got
[Josie:] I'll bring one in on Tuesday, in case, but if it comes on on the weekend I'm gonna tape it.
[Alice:] Have you got one of them videos that you can tape tape tapes then?
[Kate:] No, no, no. It's a satellite.
[Josie:] No, it's on Sky.
[Alice:] Is it?
[Josie:] It's been on Sky.
[Kate:] I like that, I, I think it's really sweet when she's taking those tablets and he's sitting there
[Josie:] Yeah, and he's going, oh, he's going, he's going, he's going, snotface! I love the way cos he goes I got something for you... and with the ink he goes, oh, alright, and he throws it and and he goes, nice catch!
[Kate:] You can tell it's not a dog's food it's like cake mix
[Josie:] Yeah. You know another bit that was really good? The bit where, where she goes, are you gonna do it like the pigeons? He goes, no, you're not supposed to do it like that you're supposed to get her on the floor and step on her head! you're not doing it right! I think he's really gorgeous.
[Alice:] The one, the one, when he's got, when he's got
[Josie:] I've fallen in love yeah
[Alice:] you know, you know the way he goes like this with it, he goes
[Josie:] Yeah. And the bit where she's, the mum's cleaning it up and she's got the gas
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] That was wicked. And when she, when she goes... when she goes, is he in that chair? And he goes... she's ke she's beating him up under the chair she goes
[Alice:] Yeah cos he's
[speaker004:] the only time 's wife is out of town.
[Kate:] All the people they're going
[Josie:] And she goes [mimicking] excuse me [] and she goes back in. She was really good in that.
[Alice:] She was in Star Wars
[Josie:] I like the bit when he goes, yeah, when he goes... pirates! And he, and she's going, oh! and she goes, what did you do, Fred? And he goes, I didn't do anything And he goes, he goes, she goes, right, you be the captain I'll do everything else, don't touch nothing. He goes, alright then.... What, not even that? And he pushes it and runs out. I think it's so funny. I've seen it three times now.
[Alice:] The Lost Boys about thirteen
[speaker004:] Oh God!
[Josie:] I'm sick of it now.
[Kate:] I'm actually sick of it now I can't watch it any more cos you just know
[Alice:] I know
[Josie:] Like it's a difference with with thing like Beetlejuice, every time I watch it I notice a few things that are different
[Kate:] Yeah.
[Josie:] but, with that
[Kate:] No, The Lost Boys, you know everything
[Josie:] I love Beetlejuice. I love the way he says that!
[Kate:] I like, I like
[Josie:] I like Flatliners, that's good.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah, I've seen that loads of times.
[Alice:] That's good innit?
[speaker004:] Few Good Men.
[Josie:] I ain't seen that. Forever Young's good erm
[Alice:] You know what I found out, right? Hang on, wait a minute, er August, September, January, February, March I've been single for nine months.
[Kate:] Oh god, I've been single for about... five
[Alice:] years
[Kate:] [LAUGHTER] five years. [] No, more than that.
[Josie:] Oh, leave her. I've never really been, like, single single cos I'm always sort of like, not actually going out with somebody but I'm always, I've always got someone who sort of fancies me or I'm flirting with. Do you know what I mean, like? Someone like James for, how long did that go on for, for about a month, when he couldn't he stop talking about me all the time it was sort of like, you know, I like this, you know what I mean, he was talking
[Kate:] No, I, I
[Josie:] Cos that was what... So cruel in front of Nick.
[Kate:] Basically, yeah, if I want to, I've always got a couple of boys to fall back on.
[Josie:] Yeah, just to fl flirt with.
[Kate:] But I don't, I don't want it.
[Alice:] You want David, don't you?
[Kate:] You want David, no, no I don't actually. Everybody thinks I do.
[Alice:] Who do you want?
[Josie:] But I mean, I wa I was really pleased when Toya come up to me and she goes, James can't stop talking about you in Science. I was thinking mm. He goes, he thinks you're, he thinks you're so funny I can't I do it in music.
[Alice:] No, I wanna see, I've never seen you do it, please?
[Josie:] I don't flirt! I just, you've seen me flirt! You've seen me, she's seen me flirt all the time. he's not bothered.
[Alice:] But I don't care, I just want
[Josie:] No, I can't do it now not in front of Cathy and that lot, they'll think me a little slag and I don't particularly want that image.
[Alice:] Just go, hello James, how are you? Oh go on, Jo!
[Kate:] Is he, is Nick possessive?
[Alice:] for me, please?
[Kate:] Scream out James, come here a minute and, and you cou you could use it just to carry on the conversation.
[Josie:] Where is he then?
[Kate:] He's
[Josie:] Gone.
[Kate:] gone. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] When he comes I'll call him again.
[Kate:] Yeah and then, you know
[Josie:] is a cheeky little cunt! Do you know what he done? I cuddled him and he grabbed hold of me bum! This is me...
[Kate:] I know he is a bit
[Josie:] This is me, I goes, I goes I'll let it slip this time cos you haven't seen me for a few weeks.... Just before he got a good grip he went, he got a grip and he was just about to squeeze this, I went... I sort of went of tiptoes and I goes, I'll let it slide this time. You know when I look vexed, I goes, because I havn't seen you for few weeks, and he walked away, come are you walking back with us?
[Alice:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Let's walk the front way.... Let's look at all the ducks.... No we haven't we've got ten minutes, ha, five minutes....
[Kate:] I want to knee David in the bollocks at least once today?
[Josie:] Huh?
[Kate:] I said I want to Da knee David in the bollocks at least once today.
[Alice:] You're so horrible!
[Kate:] I'm not horrible, it's just something I do to keep me occupied!
[Josie:] I'm still taping this by the way. I've been taping us for ages though, we've been talking about comple, I mean I've got conversations about Thelma and Louise on here about fifteen million times and Drop Dead Fred's original I ain't done him yet. That's the first one I've done of Drop Dead Fred.
[Alice:] Have you seen that thing Regarding Henry?
[Kate:] Well, may maybe
[Josie:] No.
[Kate:] you should start conversations not about films.
[Josie:] I know, but I always talk about telly or Madonna. [LAUGHTER]... I can't be bothered. No you're so cruel. You're so cruel, you're just evil.
[Kate:] [shouting] James! [] Come here a minute.... Look at him walking, look at... James, come here. James
[Josie:] Leave me alone with him.
[James:] What?
[Josie:] James.
[James:] Yes.
[Josie:] Say something nice in my microphone about me. Josie, you're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my entire life.
[James:] [shouting] Oh, he's so cute! [] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] He said, he said I'm the most beautifulest girl in the world!... [LAUGHTER] You liar! []... Come on then, what, say something nice to me about me
[Kate:] You should've seen Nick watching.
[Josie:] Oh yeah, I forgot! Say something nice about me. I want nice things on here. You know Grace? She lost her microphone, she was shitting herself, she found it again. About an hour
[speaker004:] Josie you're a slag!
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I want this laugh on tape.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] You know Grace? She lost her microphone. She was shitting herself. She found it again. About an hour
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER] [shouting] []
[James:] Have you got one?
[Josie:] No, that's just a thing attached to
[speaker004:] If you lose it, if you lose it right? How much is it going to cost?
[James:] Hello.... Hello!...
[Alice:] Excuse me, to the people doing this, what's it, this project. I want to know how much this little microphone set costs cos I want one. Please erm, give, give the information to Josie.
[speaker004:] What's it, what's it turned up to?
[Alice:] Not a lot, because I know you lot.
[Kate:] Such a bitch!
[Alice:] Though that's cos I've got some brains here.
[Josie:] Oi! Wait up, Alice!... As soon as they see they got the microphone they go Nicholas, Nicholas. Let's just walk a little bit faster, girls!...
[speaker004:] How many tapes have you done?
[Josie:] Erm, I'm on the fourth one!... Yeah, come, come up with us.
[speaker004:] one side.
[Josie:] One side!
[speaker004:] I'm on my second side! How many tapes have you done?
[Josie:] I've just been taping loads, four.
[Peter:] I know I can't be bothered.
[Josie:] This is for the, yeah, but you should just tape anything!
[Peter:] Have you logged them yet? Are you gonna log them afterwards
[Josie:] No, I've been logging them as I've been going.
[speaker004:] Oi oi oi. Here comes Mohammed in his lovely little
[Peter:] Josie, have you got is a thing or is it, is it a Tandy or is it? Unlucky! Did you get one of these?
[Josie:] Yeah. Mine's round the back.
[Peter:] Mine's, mine's like that. Mine goes the other way.
[Josie:] Mine's round the back. Mine's round the [LAUGHTER] back! []... Quick, run Mohammed's coming! Pervert!... Oh, Kate, my dear friend. See I've got this on tape. I love Kate! What's your second name again,? I love Kate and every time I've said something nasty about her, I'm sorry. She's so kind, int she? She's always giving me things.... Warren gave me a baby.
[Alice:] Warren gave you a baby?
[Josie:] No, I'm just joking for the tape.
[speaker004:] sitting down reading
[Josie:] Sorry, I didn't mean to pull back it's just that I want to hear what they're talking about.
[speaker004:] No, it's alright.
[Josie:] Have you got yours on you you should just tape everything, that's what I do. I even tape it when I'm just telling people what I'm doing. What? I, I... I, I done Henry's Cat on mine. I went [singing] Henry's, meow, Henry's, meow []... In fact all over it. I've got Henry's Cat and... Rosie and Jim.
[Kate:] And we sang all those erm Disney songs.
[Josie:] Yeah, we sang all the Mary Poppins songs. We sang [singing] Supercala [] and we've got we got... and no, and we've got, we've got, and we've got her biggest word on here. Go on, say it again.
[Kate:] Antidisenstablishmentarialism.
[Alice:] Oh, not your big word.
[Josie:] See that's her biggest word she knows that is, apart from fuck. We come to an agreement and that's our biggest word, fuck. I've got everyone's, oi, Mohammed! What's your favourite swear word?...
[speaker004:] Bollocks! I think mine's probably
[Josie:] Mine's like, cunt and things like that.
[speaker004:] this or not?
[Alice:] Usually shit and fuck, I think are my vocabulary.
[Josie:] Yeah, or oh shit, you cunt!
[Alice:] Or shite is also another one
[Josie:] Yeah, or, or, or, budging hell cos your mum's in front of you.
[Alice:] Yes and you know bedroom say things like cunt cos your mum isn't very
[Josie:] Yeah, yeah, yeah like your mum goes, you stupid cow! What do you think you're doing? You go into your bedroom and go... calm Josie, one two three four five six seven eight nine ten bitch. Hi! Talk to me!... It's not on I swear. Actually I'm lying. It is on. Oh thanks. She's so kind to you. Always give me a... She's such a nice person.... She's just such a nice person!
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Oh!
[Josie:] Do you want this one back?...
[Alice:] I'll have it.
[Josie:] No you won't you greedy cow! You can have a bit of mine... I'm not giving you half!... See you should be taping everything, that's what I am. Let's just really bore them!... Peter, I think you're the most wonderful boy in the whole entire world. I keep mine on me earphones so I can hear exactly what everyone's saying.... [singing] Henry's, meow, Henry's, meow []
[speaker004:] You see this? Get the microphone right
[Josie:] ... Is it good?
[speaker004:] and you get wind on it.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] So, er, have you any... did you have music homework Josie?... I can't hear
[Josie:] You're not gonna tape anything!
[speaker004:] I am. no fucking fun. My only thing in life will be in the next hour and forty minutes, fuck, I need two tapes okay? But it's gonna be boring. My conversation will be a lot more interesting, won't they? Our registrations are funny.
[Josie:] Yeah, but if he lends it out he might ... cos his voice cos... if his voice ain't in the conversation I've got it all on tape now you stupid cow!
[Peter:] Josie, erm, have you erm, oh, there he is. Hello. Have you erm, done... did you have music homework?
[Josie:] No, I didn't do it. I thought it was for m, Tuesday!
[Peter:] No
[Josie:] Oh shit! Yeah okay, everyone says it don't hurt, it don't hurt! No, that.
[Peter:] Do I really care whether it hurts you, honestly.
[speaker004:] Anyway, let me tell you about my tights, right.
[Josie:] Right. She was looking looking looking looking through her tights
[Shelley:] No no no no. This morning
[Josie:] Hello, Andrew. Say hello.
[Andrew:] Hello.
[Josie:] No, say hello.
[Shelley:] You're not Andrew!
[Josie:] Not to her! Just cos you love her, say hello to my microphone.
[speaker004:] Fuck you baby.
[Josie:] Yes I am taping that.
[Andrew:] I won, wondered
[Josie:] Alright, listen to this if I'm not taping it then. Put the earphones on.... You'll have to come closer because I'm not moving.... Now tell me I'm not taping you stupid idiot!
[Andrew:] You're not though.
[Josie:] I am taping
[Shelley:] She is.
[Josie:] look, record!...
[Shelley:] You fucking arsewipe
[Andrew:] Are you allowed to swear
[Josie:] Yes, that's the whole point. Give me some of your slang.
[Andrew:] Ah.
[Josie:] I put on the microphone going he goes I'm a Brixton lad
[Andrew:] Ha ha ha, ha ha ha, ha ha ha.
[Josie:] Shut up! Give me my earphones. He's going you're dead bang, bang, bang! That's his new thing that it goes bang like that to you. I don't know why, it just goes bang. And shouting so much
[Andrew:] If I was you wearing that and he asked you to do that
[Josie:] Mr didn't ask me to do it. None of the teachers in the school asked me to do it. It was for er, a Norwegian college. I ha I'm sick of saying Norwegian college to everyone.
[Andrew:] I would I would hate that walkman.
[Josie:] It's a crap walkman.... [singing] Henry's, meow, Henry's, meow [] I've got this on there about fifteen times, you know and talking about Thelma and Louise.
[Andrew:] Thelma and Louise. That was a good bit when he fucked her up the arse.
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Like when he goes, suck my cock!
[Andrew:] No.
[Josie:] You know the bit when he goes, when he goes, when he goes, you know the bit when he goes Shut up! You know the bit when he goes, I should've just fucked her and She goes, what did you say? He goes, suck my cock. She just goes
[Andrew:] Yeah, bang.
[Josie:] And where she blows up the lorry. And when she does the robbery.
[Andrew:] jump over the thing.
[Josie:] Yeah. And when she does the robbery and she's going, get down on the floor
[Andrew:] Did you see You, Me and it?
[Josie:] You, Me and It? Yeah that was us two. You, Me and It. [LAUGHTER] Not, really, joke. []
[Andrew:] Did you see it?
[Josie:] No....
[Shelley:] [singing]
[speaker005:] Where's your folder?
[Josie:] [singing]
[Andrew:] Mine's got the
[Shelley:] [singing]
[Josie:] Come on Miss, give me a little song!... Give me a little song right here in the microphone....
[speaker005:] Where is it, Andrew, at home?
[Andrew:] It's at home.
[speaker005:] before school on Tuesday.
[Shelley:] [singing]
[Andrew:] Before school?
[Josie:] Excuse me.
[Andrew:] Before school? I'm never, I mean...
[Josie:] Excuse me, I was taping her singing then....
[Shelley:] Do you want me to turn back?
[speaker005:] It's too late now.
[Josie:] Go on!... De deny the fact... go on, Sir! Ah! Don't strangle me!
[Andrew:] on Tuesday I went get in till nine o'clock!
[Josie:] Sir, come on! Sir!... Do a little bit of singing!...
[speaker004:] Sir, Sir, Sir, Sir!
[Josie:] Yes, she's staying right here. She's not going anywhere at the moment.... [singing] Music is a bore! [] Don't offer me one.
[Shelley:] I won't.
[Josie:] It's alright, I don't want one anyway they make me sick....
[speaker004:] Sir! Sir! Sir!
[Josie:] [singing] [singing] Lot's []
[Shelley:] Sir!
[Josie:] [singing] of semolina, lot's of semolina []
[speaker004:] Sir! Sir! I'll come and show you it in registration Tuesday morning.... I won't be here early enough to show you before school. I won't be able to wake up in the morning!
[Andrew:] Yes, you've got orders! You've got orders! All right!
[speaker004:] Registration.
[Josie:] That's right. And I've gotta come in on Monday!... What's that, Miss!
[Shelley:] Shut up and sit down! Now!
[speaker004:] I've got to stay in on Tuesday, I'm babysitting my sister.... I don't care whether you want to play an instrument or not... That's your tough, right? Your tough
[Josie:] That's your tough, yeah.
[speaker004:] And my nephew loves me very much
[speaker005:] Is there anybody who needs anything other than a piano to do their scale for an A minor key i.e. Tuesday's homework.
[Josie:] Weren't that supposed to be in on Tuesday?
[Shelley:] What was the question?
[speaker005:] If you had just answered my question before you answered with another question. Is there anyone who needs any other instrument other than the piano to perform their homework which was er to create a melody.
[Josie:] [whispering] Didn't do it. []
[speaker005:] anything else other than a piano... same one but you're in clarinet pitch in B flat or you in B flat. Well it's going to come out as You've got the notes a b c d e f sharp g sharp a coming down a g sharp f sharp, well it's not the bloody minor scale then is it?
[speaker004:] I did it with er um I I wrote down on my work what's the, what's the harmonics? Is it f sharp?
[speaker005:] f g sharp. Just the same
[speaker004:] Yeah, well I wrote down f sharp but then I realised I'm really, really bored so I just thought... seeing as I'm on my own I'd just tell you some slang... erm for teenage languages. There's words like chief, wad, dude... they all mean you're an idiot, a joker or a means, like, you make a fool of yourself a lot. Your arms, you're dark and you're out of order... erm... Alright, Kel?
[Kerry:] missed you.
[speaker004:] Oh Josie did you want me?...
[Kerry:] Yeah, what, would you like to speak to her?
[Josie:] Oh yeah....
[speaker004:] She's such a liar, that Dawn.
[Josie:] Who's a liar?
[speaker004:] sh she's not. while I go upstairs. Kelly!
[Josie:] She ain't in.
[Kerry:] Mum is in.
[Josie:] She ain't!... [shouting] Mum! []... She must've gone to the shops....
[Kerry:] Where's Dempsey?
[Josie:] What?
[Kerry:] Where's Dempsey?
[Josie:] [shouting] Dempsey? []
[Kerry:] [whistling]...
[Josie:] Up Chris's?
[Kerry:] Yeah.
[Josie:] I think I'll just wait here.
[speaker004:] there's Sam!
[Josie:] Hi Sam!... I was taping, Sam.... [speaking quietly just for the tape] battyman means you're gay. And Lezzypal means you're a lesbian. Okay? Says hi, Grete.
[Greta:] [LAUGHTER] Hi, Josie. [] goodnight to you it'd mean
[Josie:] Don't strangle the dog Grete.
[Greta:] What?
[Josie:] Don't strangle your dog.
[Greta:] Don't str [LAUGHTER]...
[Josie:] It's cos your brains, mind you she ain't nobody to squash so it don't really matter.
[Greta:] any message to give him?
[Josie:] Yeah, tell him to come down because we've got to have conversations.
[Greta:] About what?...
[Josie:] I'm taping you.
[Greta:] You're not taping me, are you?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah. []
[Greta:] You're not?
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah. []
[Greta:] Shit!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[Greta:] Goodbye, Josie!
[Josie:] I'm not filming you, I'm taping you.
[Greta:] It doesn't matter... I hate my voice on tape.
[Josie:] Well you're not gonna hear it. So does mine! And I have to talk on it all the time.
[speaker004:] Via a Norwegian college.
[Greta:] Oh!
[Josie:] They picked me.
[Greta:] To do what
[Josie:] Pardon?
[Greta:] To do what?
[Josie:] Teenage languages.
[Greta:] Oh that's good! When you go don't forget me. Send me a card.
[Josie:] I'm not going!... They just send it to me, I send it back.
[Greta:] Oh!
[Josie:] Can you get off please? Pop my microphone.
[Greta:] You never know
[Josie:] Six other people. Thirty people all over London.
[Greta:] That's good! That is really good. I'm glad.
[Josie:] Six of them in my school. I'm one of them. Why ain't you talking, I ain't taping.
[Greta:] I don't believe you.
[Josie:] Oh thanks!
[Greta:] ever since you've been a little girl you've been a wind-up merchant.
[Josie:] She's know me since I've been a little girl.
[Greta:] That's that girl! Goodbye Josie!
[Josie:] See you later.
[Greta:] Goodbye Josephine
[Josie:] [shouting] Bye! [] That was Greta, Truan and Kerry and Shelley's Mum.... I haven't got anyone to talk to now. Pretty boring.... Could go out and talk to Tina.... like her. Just talk to her get some conversation... so... these are my flats. It's called flats......... Is Tina there?
[Chris:] [shouting] Tina! []
[Josie:] Thanks Chris.
[Chris:] Josie!
[Tina:] Er?
[Josie:] All right, Craig?
[speaker004:] All right, Jo?
[Josie:] Right?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Hello little doggy!
[Tina:] What are you listening to?
[Josie:] Me?
[Tina:] What was you listening to?
[Josie:] Nothing. Hello little doggy! [LAUGHTER] Hello!
[Tina:] Don't torment she'll wanna get out!
[Josie:] Look she
[Tina:] You're gonna send her mad, Josie. Pack it up.... What are you doing that for?
[speaker004:] Don't tell me you
[Josie:] Look at it! It's raining.
[speaker004:] Go swimming.
[Josie:] Don't like swimming.
[speaker004:] You don't need to pay for it!
[Josie:] Ha ha ha!... No, most people just have a bath.
[Tina:] Yeah true, drown yourself in the bathroom.
[Josie:] Look she's standing up on her ba [LAUGHTER] back legs []
[Tina:] Yes, she's trying to be nosy.... Ain't you Dandy....
[Josie:] Dandy the dog.
[Tina:] What's that you got?
[Josie:] Microphone.
[Tina:] Why?
[Josie:] Because I'm taping you.
[Tina:] Why are you taping?
[Josie:] For a college.... [whistling]
[Tina:] What, is it on now?... What college?
[Josie:] Norwegian college.
[Tina:] Oh!... Sweet, ain't she?
[Josie:] Come on bark at me!
[Tina:] She ain't barked since she was attacking you... oh don't torment her, you cruel woman.
[Josie:] Oh! Isn't she cute! You can, look, you can just squash her breasts.... I not [LAUGHTER] doing it. []
[Tina:] She'll kill you....
[Josie:] Urgh! Gob all over me.
[Tina:] big she gets now.
[Josie:] I know, Chihuahua. Chihuahua brain. Come on then make some conversation.
[speaker004:] I hate him.... I really, I've never hated people as much as I hate the teachers in this school.... Let's sneak out....
[Shelley:] he'll start watching
[Josie:] He knows what we're doing, he knows what we're doing cos he's standing there looking at us.... ... You're not allowed out, girls!
[speaker004:] Why?
[Josie:] That's what we're trying to do.
[speaker004:] But I've gotta go and get a drink! dehydrate! Can we go and play cricket then? Why not? That's not fair the boys Not fair! Gonna get my coat, I'm freezing! But I've been playing badminton and I sweat man. You smell, I suppose.
[Josie:] You smell of babies bottoms.
[speaker004:] When they've done a nappy... thing. set the fire alarm off and we could run out.
[Josie:] Go on, Claire! Claire's got the guts to Oh yeah! True. Mind you... Miss... No, Miss' d blame me cos she knows me.... Shelley! No, you've gotta break the glass first.
[speaker004:] No you ain't. You just go just go
[Josie:] Somebody's already done it. Look, cos that's why it's already broken so if you push it it'll go.... [LAUGHTER] It'd be just my luck I'll just touch it and it'd go off.
[speaker004:] I remember when I was in, when I was in right? We was carrying this ta erm table up the stairs and some boy knocked it and it fire alarms, everyone was, water started pouring down cos they have all the water as well, like, if it is a fire it was pouring
[Josie:] Is he still there? Is he still looking?... Get away from the door.... Don't, let's go and...
[speaker004:] Miss! Miss! Can I get my coat please, I'm freezing cos it's cold up here....
[Josie:] What am I supposed to do now, I'm freezing now, it's another five minutes!... Please! She's cold, Miss!
[speaker004:] We didn't get to do anything good this year. It's all been boring.
[Shelley:] No, I mean all the fourth years last year you was allowed to out and go ice skating and things like that and this year we didn't get nothing. I no it's no we ain't got the money for it.
[Madigan:] Basically it's out of my hands now. I asked no way... could I take two years out again and that was it.
[Josie:] Why?
[Madigan:] well it's because, no, no, no, no
[Josie:] Is it because of our year or is it to do with money.
[Madigan:] no, it's to do with money. Please do it Maggie because it's
[Josie:] we have to miss out.
[Madigan:] To take... to take the years out it costs around about eight thousand terms.
[Shelley:] But most people pa like
[Madigan:] And they weren't
[Shelley:] pay money to go anyway.
[Madigan:] Yeah, but they're not, the whole idea is that they're not, they don't wanna ask, they're not prepared to ask it's not right It should be provided by the school they've been against that whole thing. So they won't do that, and of course it's... and the main thing that costs is the transport... is every time you go on a bus you're down to whatever it is... two hundred pounds, and because of the two areas that we use, I mean we're not gonna, I mean I don't really know
[Josie:] School should have a bus of its own?
[Shelley:] Yeah.
[Madigan:] But it's not, it's not actually... it's happened elsewhere. I mean some schools have not gone off site at all you know they've actually stayed inside
[Josie:] Neither have we!
[Madigan:] They haven't gone anywhere.
[Josie:] Neither have we.
[Madigan:] No, what I'm saying is some schools have lost it in year eleven as well.... And I'm still waiting to hear whether or not
[Shelley:] We won't get it in year eleven?
[Madigan:] Well, I can't promise you that because that again like this year, I mean
[Josie:] If we're not gonna get next year losing more and more money.
[Shelley:] have you noticed that?
[Madigan:] Well it's that's just nothing to do with the year
[Josie:] It's all right for the first years now cos they're never even gonna know about it. When they get here
[Madigan:] Yeah, I know. It is hardest for your year because you've known other people to have erm
[Shelley:] Miss, can we go downstairs?
[Madigan:] Well I'm just
[speaker004:] Cos he started writing to her. She started writing to him and... she didn't wanna, she don't like him, she hates him, but I was saying like yeah go on! You know, trying to get her into shit. I was saying say you like him, say you like him. She was going no! and I was writing yes! and giving it to him. And then it just ended up that all lesson they were passing notes and I was walking past dropping notes in his bag and stuff like that.
[Shelley:] Come on let's go. Miss, can we go down now?
[Josie:] Yeah, come on, Miss. Yeah, Miss, we've been sitting up here, yeah, Miss, it's ten to!... Miss, let's go down before anyone sees us and unlock it before everyone starts coming on down.... That's it.... Come on, Miss.
[Madigan:] Right. Now what do you wanna do? What do you need to go
[Josie:] just go downstairs and
[Shelley:] Oh Miss, please. They're gonna all come rumbling down and knock us over.
[Josie:] And I've got this stuff on. This is very expensive stuff. Come on let's go down and wait.
[Shelley:] No, we've gotta get the keys!
[Josie:] Miss, give us the keys!
[Madigan:] ...
[Josie:] you're such a goody goody.
[Shelley:] Mm.
[Josie:] Knock you out with it. [LAUGHTER]
[Shelley:] No, I'm not
[Josie:] Osmond, I want my tape!... No thank you, you haven't got one big enough. Osmond, [shouting] I want my tape! []... Fucking cunt. Claire tell him Claire, tell him I want my tape.
[speaker004:] She wants her tape....
[Josie:] Osmond, you're out of order you know.
[Ozzi:] All right, apologize.
[Josie:] I apo I apo What did you say? Did you say fuck?... Oh, Osmond, come on, give me the tape don't be out of order.
[Ozzi:] Shut the fuck, woman!
[Josie:] [shouting] No! []... Look at your face!...
[Shelley:] Er?
[Ozzi:] are you trying to be funny?
[Shelley:] No.
[Ozzi:] What's your name it's innit?
[Shelley:] No.
[Josie:] She is funny actually, I was laughing.
[Ozzi:] I, I admit it, man, she is funny. When I look at her I start laughing.
[Josie:] She's looking at your face. Don't slap me you fool.
[speaker004:] Did you hear that? Did you hear that Osmond? Yeah, everyone heard it.
[Josie:] Thanks Osmond....
[speaker004:] Don't touch me.
[Josie:] I'm so glad you had this conversation with me while I've been miked up and I've got it all taped.... I've got some very interesting things to say now to erm, you know, after I've taped him. I've got something on tape for you I want you to
[speaker004:] Where's your... let's get. insemination.
[Josie:] No, say it again.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Artificial insemination.
[Josie:] Yeah, I just wanted that posh word on there you know.
[speaker004:] record for fuck's sake!
[Shelley:] Do it, do it!
[Josie:] I am.
[Shelley:] Is it recording?
[Josie:] Yeah.
[Shelley:] Antidisestablishmentarianism.
[Josie:] Work that one out students, students from Norway!... That's what I said to Warren, I goes, this is going to Norway, this him [mimicking] fucking Norway! [] like that down the microphone.... Come on then, let's hear your big words. What big word have you got?
[speaker004:] Large.
[Josie:] Autobiography that's my biggest word. Not really. Go on.
[speaker004:] Fuck.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing]
[Josie:] What other songs are there?...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing]
[Josie:] [singing] Feed tuppence a bag, tuppence []
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing] tuppence, tuppence a bag! []
[Josie:] [singing] Feed []
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing] Medicine go down, medicine go down, medicine go down. Just a spoonful of sugar of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way! []
[Josie:] I don't know the rest of it. What about Jungle Book? Does anyone know anything out of Jungle Book?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing] Ooh, be, do, ooh, be, do, I wanna be like you ooh, ooh, ooh, be, do, be, do, I wanna walk like you, talk like you, ooh, ooh. []
[Josie:] [singing] Ooh, an ape like me, I'd like to be you, ooh, ooh, I do, ooh! []
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] He goes... Yeah. [singing] Now I'm the king of the swingers, boy, the jungle V I P []
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing] I've reached the top and had to stop and that's what's bothering me. Wanna be a man, man cub. Go out into town and be just like the other men, I'm tired of monkeying around. Oh, ooh, be, do []
[Josie:] Ain't you seen Jungle Book? Here you are, here you are! I know the complicated bit of Bare Necessities. Now when you pick a paw pear before prickling... when you pick a pawpaw for a prickly pear and you pick the wrong pear next time beware! [singing] Don't pick the prickly pear with the paw when you pick the pear try to use the claw. You'll need to use the claw when you pick one of the big pawpaws. Have I given you a clue? [] You're supposed to say, golly, thanks Baloo.
[speaker004:] Oh gosh! Thanks Baloo.
[Josie:] [singing] The bear necessities of life will come to you... they'll come to you. []
[speaker004:] They'll come to me!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, that's it, they'll come to me!...
[speaker004:] [singing]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing]
[Josie:] Come on let's hit it! [singing]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing]
[Josie:] [singing] Someone was weeping, but the world was sleeping...... someone was weeping, but the world was partying [] Shut up, man! You're so tone deaf! [mimicking singing] [] You sound like E T!... You really sound like, say E T phone home. She's so skinny... Hey, you just look like you're gonna fall over when someone blows you. Hey, isn't Kate look like she's gonna fall over if you blow on her?... She looks so
[speaker004:] Dirty bitch!
[Josie:] Sorry.... Even I'm wider than you!
[speaker004:] I'm wider than everyone but She's taller than me though.
[Josie:] Are you taller, no, she's not taller than me.... We've finished our song now. What?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [singing] Let's go fly a kite, up to the highest height. Let's go fly a kite and then []
[Josie:] No what's the other one? Mary'll make your, Mary'll make your, one where he's in the picture with her? Shut up! Oh let's sing Yankie Doodle into Town and you come in late right. [singing] Yankie Doodle went to town riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in [] you were supposed to come in!
[speaker004:] Let's do London's Burning cos I don't know that.
[Josie:] I don't know London's Burning. Just sing Yankie Doodle went to town riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni. Right? You come in when Alice has finished the first bit and then you come. [singing] Yankie Doodle went to town riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in his hat and called it Macaroni. Yankie Doodle went to town riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in his hat []
[speaker004:] [singing] Yankie Doodle went to town riding on a pony. Stuck a feather in his hat and called it macaroni [] [shouting] Oh shut up!
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]... Yes please, I'll have some.
[speaker004:] [singing]
[Josie:] [shouting] Barcelona! [] [singing] [shouting] Barcelona!... Shell!... Shelley!... Shelley! []... Oh shit! I've cut my mike again....
[speaker004:] I know nothing about these.
[Josie:] Bloody teachers!......
[speaker004:] I'll meet you in there, all right? So come on, talk to me. Tell me your dreams. You are! Come on!... Don't be shy, it's just a microphone.... Come on then. Hit me with some conversation.... Conversation would be nice. Go and make some conversation she's gonna tape him.
[Josie:] Hi, Sir!
[speaker004:] today.... Where's your mike? Are you taping?
[Josie:] Yeah. I can hear you loud and clear coming through. Aargh!
[speaker004:] Where's my Easter egg? Give my Easter egg I won't bite you!...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [shouting] Where's her fucking Easter egg! []
[Josie:] Come on, where is it? Karen! You're a bit quiet today, aren't you lovey?... Does this microphone make you nervous. Come on, talk up dear! Tell us who you love. Come on!... Come on! Talk up! Talk up! [singing] Sex you up, all night [] Who's in the Science group?
[speaker004:] Me....
[Josie:] Hi, everyone!... All shout hello.... It's Miss out of here!... What a shame!
[speaker004:] Bloody teachers ruining it again.
[Josie:] And she said...
[speaker004:] If you mention about your tape strangling you
[Josie:] What tape?... What tape?... Osmond!
[Ozzi:] Yeah, listening.
[Josie:] She said if you don't wanna accept her apology then fine you don't have to
[Ozzi:] Oh my god.
[Josie:] Will you talk to her, Osmond?
[Ozzi:] Look, there's nothing say nothing, you know
[Josie:] There is! Well then talk to her!
[speaker005:] Josie! Do you know Joanne? The technician?
[speaker004:] Yeah we do.
[Josie:] I know her but I don't, yeah, yeah I know her.
[speaker005:] Could you go round and ask her to let us in for me please?
[Josie:] Yeah. Come on Karen.... Are you gonna talk to me?
[speaker004:] Have I gotta talk to you?
[Josie:] Now we're on our own.......
[speaker004:] No, you gotta go downstairs.
[Josie:] Oh, I knew that!... I was just testing you.
[speaker004:] I'm not dumb! I told her all right?
[Josie:] All right!... You don't mess with him. You don't mess with him!... He's too big.... Oh this conversation. Grace! Did you find your bike?
[speaker004:] Yeah. Thank god.
[Josie:] Good girl.
[speaker004:] Where're you going?
[Josie:] I've gotta go and get the door open from the other side.... Hi, Simeon!...
[speaker034:] Shall I tell you who Sally fancies?
[Josie:] Yeah, go on on the mike, love. In the mike, in the mike!... Come on, tell me Karen, in the mike!
[speaker034:] All right then. Well, I was walking home...
[speaker004:] Doesn't he look spastic with that pencil behind his ear.
[Josie:] Innit? It looks so dumb. It looks like he's got cancer growing behind his ear. Looks like he's got cancer growing behind his ear. He's such a div, I hate him!
[Grace:] What did you do in the holiday
[Josie:] Why can't he clear up his spots?... Nothing.... Dumped Nick....
[Grace:] You did knitting?
[Josie:] I dumped him.
[Grace:] You dumped knitting?
[Josie:] I dumped Nick!
[Grace:] Is that all you did? You didn't go out anywhere?
[Josie:] Yeah, I went out with Shelley, with Warren a few times... read... read... yeah?
[speaker004:] Josie, sharpener back?
[Josie:] Do you want my sharpener?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Josie:] All right then, I'll pass you my sharpener.... Is the microphone on? [LAUGHTER] Are you taping me?...
[speaker004:] She is you know.
[Josie:] She's not you know. Grace I'm taping you too.
[Grace:] What's that?
[Josie:] I'm taping you too.
[Grace:] That's fine.
[Josie:] That's fine with me, love?
[Grace:] Yeah.
[Josie:] Good, good, good. What about you Natasha darling?... Taping Miss I've got her to saying hello. I've taped Osmond saying your mum.... Who? Your Mum?... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Give me a book, I'm gonna read it.
[Josie:] What?
[speaker004:] Give me a book, I want to read it.
[Josie:] What Thinner?
[Grace:] You can read my book.
[Josie:] No, you can read Thinner. It's all right! I just wanna read this one cos this one's better. No, I'm reading this erm The Shining [singing] The Shining []
[Grace:] I've got a wicked book you see?
[Josie:] Looks like sex, sex and more sex. [LAUGHTER] You're so disgusting. Heatwave [singing]... Oh dear, I'm so bored.
[Grace:] So, who did you shag in your holidays then?
[Josie:] Pardon?
[Grace:] Who did you shag in your holidays?
[Josie:] No one much. [LAUGHTER] No one much! []... I've only got him on tape.... You don't have to talk into the microphone.... I can hear him from here.... That's what ev when I go, I goes to Daniel I'm taping you know he started walking like this
[speaker004:] What?
[Josie:] He started balancing like this I goes, I'm fil I'm taping you not filming you, they think you're filming them, you know, they look at the microphone and they go, hi!
[speaker004:] What did he say?... What did you say? Nothing....
[Josie:] I've got all different things... I don't like these earphones they hurt my ears. They don't hurt my ears. These ones I don't like them cos I can't cos you can seem them.
[speaker004:] Put the other ones in.
[Josie:] What?
[speaker004:] Put the other ones
[Josie:] I know.
[Grace:] It's raining, or it was. I think it is. I don't know....
[speaker005:] Come on, come on.
[Josie:] [mimicking] Come on, come on. []
[speaker005:] not do that now. Settle down.
[speaker004:] Well, here we go
[Josie:] Er? That ain't on. What you do?... It's not on, look!
[Grace:] I wanna see, [LAUGHTER] it is on. []
[speaker004:] Thank you. You're welcome! Got that on tape I have....
[Josie:] I've got it now too, with Shelley talking.
[speaker004:] And I've got...
[Josie:] [singing] And go away, go away, don't want to see you back again.... Turn around []
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... Ah, can't do it, can you? What she say? [LAUGHTER] Can't be horrible?
[Josie:] By the way, I just thought I'd erm... tell you that erm I'm taping you... okay? I'm taping all of you people in this classroom at the moment. I can hear you all. I can hear Karen and Angela talking.... I can... I can hear him talking. Can you not talk please, I don't want you on my tape. It's a bit of a waste really, innit?
[speaker004:] If you're gonna say something say it, don't lie to me.
[Josie:] You can't say I lied because like, you know...
[speaker004:] Anyway, I'll read the book that you got.
[Josie:] No, don't read that book it's crap.... It's all right, but I don't want it on the tapes, it's rubbish.
[speaker004:] I know
[Josie:] Who?
[speaker004:] ...
[Josie:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Oh dear. That's not very nice is it, Josie?... He's talking. Look who's talking! Exactly.
[Josie:] Just cos he's tall he thinks he's a man.
[speaker004:] No! Sixteen, is he?...
[Josie:] Yeah, but remember, boys are three years behind in age... in, in maturity. He's only thirteen. You're a year younger than us. That's a fact you know.... Boys are three years younger than their actual age.
[speaker004:] You're nearly sixteen? When?... My mum.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] She's really young she is. Yeah?
[Josie:] Shame Shelley, when she [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Josie:] Doesn't really do anything for me.... Just makes me go all blurry...
[speaker004:] Doesn't it?
[Josie:] [singing] Don't walk away []... Filofax! That's a bloody big filofax!...
[speaker004:] Supposed to have not magazines....
[Josie:] ... Probably er, a cupboard full of porno mags.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Josie:] That's what perverts do...
[speaker004:] Go on then. What? You have to tell me something. Stop talking to him I don't want him on my tape, it's a waste.
[Josie:] Yeah, he just say, [mimicking] hey man, hey man about your mum, your mum. []
[speaker004:] your mum.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Osmond, please, I really want my tape back.
[Ozzi:] I've forgot which one it was.
[Josie:] It was a Madonna one... and it had a bit of other stuff on it on the other side.
[Ozzi:] Like what?
[speaker004:] It's a see-through one with blue stickers on it, innit?
[Josie:] Yeah, a see-through one with blue stickers, it's got erm on it... It's got Whitney Houston on it. It's go My Girl on it... It's got Maria, what's her name?
[speaker004:] Mariah Carey.
[Josie:] Mariah Carey on it... It's got Madness on it. It's got loads of stuff and it's got Madonna on it. I let him borrow it. Everyone said don't lend it to him, listen, they goes don't lend it to him, don't, you won't get it back he'll give it back. Try and find it for me, it was a ninety-minute one.... And it's got Madonna and all sorts written on it.
[speaker004:] Don't call me that all right? What, oral sex?
[Shelley:] I wouldn't mind provided I had flavoured condoms [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] I don't think there's nothing the matter with oral sex as long as, as long as he's got a clean penis!
[Shelley:] It's, it's safer! It's safer sex, you know. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] No, I don't think there's anything the matter with oral sex.
[speaker004:] Would you ever toss someone off. Toss your boyfriend off?
[Josie:] What's that?
[speaker004:] Wanking for him.
[Josie:] I've already done that [LAUGHTER] []
[Shelley:] To Nick's nose. [LAUGHTER]
[Josie:] Yeah [LAUGHTER] To Nick's nose!... I've never handled Nick.
[Shelley:] I hear you've fallen out.
[Josie:] He ain't talking to me and I ain't talking to him. Simple as that.
[speaker004:] Why? May I ask?
[Josie:] Look, he can't take it because I dumped him.
[Shelley:] All right, I'm, I'm never speaking to you again because ever since you dumped him [shouting] he's been hanging around with us and he's pissing me off! []
[Josie:] He's so annoying, int he?
[Shelley:] He is. He thinks he's it.
[Josie:] Innit? If you touch him, it's... [mimicking] do you mind? Do you mind? []
[speaker004:] No, but he has gone going round
[Shelley:] Right, and he's so, have you noticed he is, he is so violent, int he? I mean
[Josie:] No. I'll tell you what I hate about him, right. Is the fact that out of a Madonna song this is he thinks he's so much better than me. And he does. That was the whole point and the way, it was like, he could... he could hit, he could, he could hit me or go like that to my hair or run his fingers through my face, rip all my clothes up, you know what I mean, not rip them off, rip them up!
[speaker004:] Up.
[Josie:] And like, you weren't allowed to touch him. I hate that, I hate boys like that. [mimicking] Don't touch me. My hair! []
[speaker004:] I used to do it with my brother.
[Josie:] He's such a girl! He's, [mimicking] mind my hair, mind my hair. []
[speaker004:] My brother used to take a comb to school in his sports bag and when he was walking to school he goes
[Josie:] Yeah, I hate boys that do that, it's really annoying. And I don't know what he... no he don't to me, and I don't know what he's doing hanging about with you lot.
[speaker004:] I don't, I don't think he knows what the word love or anything means.
[Josie:] I know he just says it cos when I said
[speaker004:] It mea it means having someone to brag about to his friends.
[Josie:] Cos when he said, cos when I said