[Raymond:] Oh Jesus Chri!... Jean!
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Here's your breakfast, come on!... Come on get up!... It's after nine, it must be about... twenty past to half nine... here's your breakfast cu... Christ get out the way, get out!... Bloody dog!... Jean!... [cough] I got you cornflakes... toast... I didn't do an egg... you've had enough... was round there... left another tape... tape recorder.
[Jean:] What
[Raymond:] She'll be round on f... excuse me!... She'll be round on Friday... afternoon... or Saturday some time... I said we'd be here... from four o'clock on Friday... so I'll take it down to John's today... then it's away to work... I've got the rubbish in the bins... right?... Raymond took money out of your money, got cigarettes... and a paper... and the house is tidy... so I'll get the... twenty past ten bus... later.... Have you no matches? She was saying that... the shop she was in was selling... the turkeys that we got, for... three ninety nine... I think it was a supermarket or somewhere was selling them
[Jean:] Three ninety nine?
[Raymond:] No... three fifty.
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Patch!... Stop that!... Fucking lighter!... Have you got a light Jean?... You should of bought pe oh there's some petrol under the sink... I put paint thin thinners in this... you know, stripper?
[Jean:] What for?
[Raymond:] I thought it would of... blown... or lit.... And this fucking... Patch, get into the house!... Get in!... And stay there!... Sit!... There was a fella shot dead last night... in sp er Don.... Do you remember the bar we went into that night with Sally and Perry?... Remember the Saturday night over in east... east Belfast?
[Jean:] Yes.
[Raymond:] Erm... [LAUGHTER] and er... and that Audrey []... or Aubrey... and... and nobody knew... well he ran that bar. He was the manager of that bar.... They... U D A... according to the T V.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Well they're keeping an open mind about it... yeah but skin you...... I suppose he his,... I have all.... Jean... I'd fucking do it to you!... No but
[Jean:] I know, why?... Raymond
[Raymond:] I mean
[Jean:] won't speak to you if you
[Raymond:] You've been in bed for eight o'clock last night... it's now nine... what's that, thirteen odd hours?... Ask me the time I was up at?
[Jean:] You could lie in actually.
[Raymond:] No no, no no no no no, ask me what time I was up at?
[Jean:] What time were you up at?
[Raymond:] Half five this morning... letting the dogs out... in the back... so I said to hell with it, I'm not going to bed again!
[Jean:] You won't lie in when you can't
[Raymond:] Well I slept all night Jean.... You know what I had this morning for my breakfast?
[Jean:] Ha!
[Raymond:] One, two... one, two, three, four... four... seven oat cakes!... You know the triangle shaped ones ever... whatever?... Seven of those.
[Jean:] You
[Raymond:] So I ate... a whole packet... all of them!... Ha!... Ha ha ha!
[Jean:] Look at them cornflakes.
[Raymond:] then... Jean, you'll need proper su so you'll need sunglasses.... Window open?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] Does the li [LAUGHTER] does the light not hurt your eye []!... Do you want the fan on?... [LAUGHTER]... England, Scotland and Wales and er... showers here.
[Jean:] Lovely weather
[Raymond:] Lovely weather for ducks!
[Jean:] What was wrong with erm... the cassette thing?
[Raymond:] Ah, they thought it was the cleaning head.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Apparently they thought it was the cleaning heads... by the, the heads of it, I don't know, I know nothing about it.... Well according to counter, that's still going.... gonna get a couple of he ah ah... tapes that we had ruined... of our own... I said no.... So she took... the first lot back... you know, the two boxes
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] and gave us a another two boxes.... Ha!
[Jean:] What'd she take the tapes back for?
[Raymond:] No... she bought... a second lo a second twenty... lot of twenty... and I give her the first lot back... probably.
[Jean:] I know but she was nothing to with the tapes it was
[Raymond:] No well she just, just to say they're not starting to count again.
[Jean:] Oh.
[Raymond:] So I've now got from Monday, twenty.... And each lasts approximately forty five minutes.... So if I take one down today... no I'd need a couple wouldn't I?
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Well I'm taking four anyway to see what happens... and the booklet.... [sneeze]
[Jean:] God bless. Well what booklet?
[Raymond:] You have to put a book in... first, that I was first to speak this morning, you were second... and then... it'll be either Kelly Ann or Stephen next.
[Jean:] Ooh yes.
[Raymond:] But I don't put yo I don't put... every time they speak, put your names in... once on each page is enough.
[Jean:] Oh I see.
[Raymond:] So if I start another tape... I think I've to put their names in... first... right.... Cos the listener will be able to tell... who... is speaking.
[Jean:] Oh.
[Raymond:] [sigh]... Raymond said he was sick... this morning.
[Jean:] Was he?
[Raymond:] Mhm... I said oh he was sick last night... and sick this morning.... Some sort of
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] well he said it was like green bile!... [sigh]... Wasn't that a cle a they were pouring in th in the on the bucket?
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Oh that'll be, well have the both of them then... except my underwear and socks... [sigh]... What do you want done, before I go... out?
[Jean:] Nothing.
[Raymond:] Well I've gotta get shaved and ba... you know those dark blue trousers?
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] to leave them in the cleaners?
[Jean:] We'll see.
[Raymond:] Get them out for Easter... I mean... white lines up the seams... [sigh]
[Jean:] Pass the please?
[Raymond:] [sigh]... Where's the bi
[Jean:] Oh
[Raymond:] Eh.... Enjoy that breakfast.
[Jean:] I did, it was lovely thank you.
[Raymond:] Do you eat all the toast?
[Jean:] You mean all the toast? There was never any!
[Raymond:] Sorry, what am I eat all the toast!... I think I'll put on a jumper today, or a pullover... it'll be cold coming out of John's tonight.
[Jean:] You'll have to do your own boots
[Raymond:] What boots?
[Jean:] You remember the snow boots we had.
[Raymond:] Not at all.... You know when you put those boots on... and... the string rather... because they... they are what they... they look like with the... they're called boots........ Ha!... Wha what date is today?
[Jean:] Twelfth.
[Raymond:] ... right.
[Jean:] What are you gonna?
[Raymond:] Rita returns home in Coronation Street... er
[Jean:] Is that all it says?
[Raymond:] The Golden Girls on for half an hour.
[Jean:] Is that all it says, Rita returns home?
[Raymond:] Yes.... Er... all else on!... Oh This is your Life... you like that.
[Jean:] Oh.... I missed the last Friday night.
[Raymond:] There you are there's... an article on... Easter eggs right... [reading] Cadbury's Buttons... the verdict of that is... very, a good design, reasonably good value... cost per hundred grams is eighty... seven point five P.... Cadbury's Roses... verdict... neat box... but too much packaging... and they cost a hundred and one P for a hundred grams.... Cadbury's Creme Eggs... over large box... too much packaging... hundred grams, they cost a hundred and nine.... Rowntree's Rolo... verdict... clever use of packaging... good value... cost per hundred grams... eighty eighty P.... Rowntree's Smarties... verdict... small box and packaging kept to a minimum, good value... eighty three pence per hundred grams!... And Quality Street Egg... verdict, the box makes the eggs... appear much larger than it actually is... cost, a hundred gram, ninety nine [].
[Jean:] So the cheapest... is Buttons
[Raymond:] The Rowntree's, no... Christ, you're not listening! Rowntree's Smarties is eighty three... Cadbury's button is eighty seven point five... and then Rowntree's Rolo is eighty eight... the dearest is... a hundred and nine P for... the Cadbury's Creme Eggs.
[Jean:] Oh I see.
[Raymond:] And it cost two pound thirty five for a hundred and thirty six gram egg... and two forty gram Creme Eggs. No, couple of draws.... People prefer a couple of big bars o
[Jean:] True.
[Raymond:] Cadbury's... Cadbury's Milk Tray.
[Jean:] Well that Galaxy is lovely and creamy.
[Raymond:] The what?
[Jean:] Galaxy.... Cos you're paying actually for the boxes, it says.... Her
[Raymond:] Best place for him Jean!... No place for a... dull...!
[Jean:] What would you like for your tea?
[Raymond:] It's not a matter what I would like Jean, it's what... the hell is in!... I would like a soda... baking soda! Mm? It doesn't matter.... [reading] teacher... admitted fifty three victims [].
[Jean:] Admitted to what?
[Raymond:] Hurting fifty three victims! [reading] He's a mild mannered grandfather who accused of murdering thirty five children and eighteen young woman across the country over twelve years.
[Jean:] Oh
[Raymond:] The youngest was a boy of eigh... eight... the of twenty two [].
[Jean:] Must of been.
[Raymond:] Christ, an innocent man earlier on was forced to co confess was, was e was executed... for some of the killings that he did!... Another committed suicide while waiting trial.
[Jean:] My God!
[Raymond:] [reading] The victims, many of them homeless, were blinded and torn apart in a frenzy of violence.... He enticed them with a promise of dinner and a chance to watch his video.
[Jean:] How awful!
[Raymond:] As soon as they saw a lonely person, they had to drag him off... to the woods []... Jesus Christ! Here's the son of Kirk Douglas... has been jailed for five days after kicking a policeman!... They say he's a pig's ear... queer!
[Jean:] He's not!... Film stars get away with everything!
[Raymond:] Well he didn't, he's in... he's inside for five... well days anyway.
[Jean:] Five days...
[Raymond:] You know your woman that started all the controversy about the eggs?... Edwina Currie.
[Jean:] Yes.
[Raymond:] She was offered a job in the government... and she turned it down!
[Jean:] Oh
[Raymond:] It says because her boss would of been Kenneth Clarke is it?... And er... apparent eh Kenneth Clarke, apparently they don't get on.
[Jean:] I've promised Shirley
[Raymond:] Yeah. Your man at... what?
[Jean:] That's another man.
[Raymond:] Who was?
[Jean:] Thomas.
[Raymond:] Oh the big fella from Saudi Air?
[Jean:] Mm.
[Raymond:] And what about him?
[Jean:] And he says hello Jean, all about you... and he says, is this for you love, and I says yes... and I said
[Raymond:] Well you should of told him you were fucking burning the place!... Why?
[Jean:] ... I said about to see him...... and I says no, he says I should of kept the houses and just done the lot.
[Raymond:] Good grief, how could you!... Well we're living like... fucking ants... two up and two down, outside bogs!... Jesus Christ!... It's alright for some ah!... No wonder you're trying to
[Jean:] Ah but he means put a bath in... a bathroom in, the way... you know they did up the Donegal Road.
[Raymond:] What... and you've no back yard!... No space for hanging clothes, no space for walking!... I certainly I ha
[Jean:] He says your... when a ambulance comes for people who are sick... they have the... and there'll be somebody who maybe really seriously ill... by the time tha... that they ask where to get to such and such a place... by the time they're there sometimes the people dead!
[Raymond:] ever should be er... measured by the street map... of the city of Belfast for all the cost... it's not such a big place anyway.... [belch] Excuse me!
[Jean:] ... I'd of get lost in Sandy Road
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] now.
[Raymond:] I did.... Well like Christie's Manor... had to show me out of it... her and her... her daughter!
[Jean:] There you are.
[Raymond:] Cos she said to me... she said... Christ thirty years in Sandy Road you get lost in it!... It
[Jean:] Andrew was talking about Da... and
[Raymond:] Dotty.
[Jean:] and he said
[Raymond:] Councillor Albert.
[Jean:] aha... and he says... I've been to the nice wee man... he says he remembers... ah... going round all the houses... looking for somebody to do in Apple Street... and... he went and told... what's his name?
[Raymond:] Dotty did?
[Jean:] Aha... he went... told, what do you call him?... The, the first house... in Street, beside the shop?
[Raymond:] what Diddy's friends?
[Jean:] No... that's Boyle Street
[Raymond:] What Street?
[Jean:] Scumbergh Street
[Raymond:] Oh yes, directly beside the old house?
[Jean:] No... aside the wee shop at the corner... of Street.
[Raymond:] Oh yes, Hannah.
[Jean:] Hannah
[Raymond:] Oh yeah.
[Jean:] and she says no, go down and get Edith... and er
[Raymond:] Edy?
[Jean:] Aha... and he... done caretaker for years
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] for her.... Sunday School... and
[Raymond:] I remember coming in here.
[Jean:] I says... cos I said that fellow I says... my husband's... mother... for years... I says, in fact... and old photographs in the house we have of... and his wife... and a whole crowd....
[Raymond:] have you?
[Jean:] And I says to I says... erm
[Raymond:] It was hell fire and those preachers... none of your high church there!
[Jean:] Paisley and... Ian Paisley....
[Raymond:] Well that was after Albert giving out
[Jean:] Yes.
[Raymond:] load of shit!
[Jean:] Aye cos I remember and the big.
[Raymond:] [sigh]... He was a little rogue!
[Jean:] Who?
[Raymond:] Albert.
[Jean:] God forgive you!
[Raymond:] He was, he stole the fucking ey... ornaments out of instruments out of the Salvation Army... saw them in his house one day, up in the loft... and there was enough musical instruments to start up twenty bands!... Accordions, trumpets... a bugles, everything!
[Jean:] Well everybody
[Raymond:] His daughter was a nice... she was a nice... she was home a couple of times, I met her.... Very pleasant, awfully polite, but very pleasant... [sigh]... She used... some of those jars ah?... She used, used jump it... we could put them on her cupboards, you know, make her something a bit bigger, they're gonna get that off there.... And sh what's in those coloured bags there?
[Jean:] John's stuff....
[Raymond:] That well that's the third for him.
[Jean:] Does he?
[Raymond:] Aye.... I says, and I says Buck.
[Jean:] Was she out today then?
[Raymond:] She was out yesterday... about... oh sorry, he's querying the arrears, he said he wasn't there for what, two months?
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Which he wasn't, and true, he was living with me.... She wants to know where she's living...... I said, oh I know where she's living... she's in she's now got a property down in... I says and I, I be honest er... ooh she said to me, yeah sorry... oh who are you?... Are you his father? I says no I'm his brother-in-law but I know all his details... and I said, he wasn't here!... And no matter how little re rebate he gets... it'll be a help to him, why should he pay for something he didn't get?... Alright?... Then I said, have you got him a house yet?... And she says it's strange, but there's no movement in the Conway Estate... there's usually a good turnover of people who're moving in and out. Wait a minute... it's no good... there is no movement.... There usually is a, a, a, vacant houses... but at the minute it's at a standstill.... Right... so that means if there's nobody moving out, John can't move in?... He neither filling another form, I says well I'll fill it in tonight for him... he'll sign it... and if I post it tonight you'll probably get it tomorrow.... I won't be in the office she says until er... May the fifth... and nobody else will deal with it... so there you are.... This is what, April the what, the fifteenth, the sixteenth? What is it?
[Jean:] About three weeks.
[Raymond:] Yeah, well there you are. Yesterday was the fourteenth, it is the fifteenth.... What?
[Jean:] What did he put down?
[Raymond:] He didn't, he didn't fill it in.... Ah he says, what about talking money?...... But he doesn't want to talk money... he's hoping to get that bitch to come back and live with him... and she doesn't like us!... Well you can't blame her.... Jean, we don't even have see them... you know what I mean?... He doesn't have to pass our door to get the bus stop, he doesn't have to pass our door to get to the schools or the children.... He doesn't have to pass this way... to go to the shops.
[Jean:] It's
[Raymond:] It will be handy for me though.
[Jean:] I can't see her coming back really... I mean she might come back for
[Raymond:] Well Christ well what did you get yesterday... you found her clothes, her trousers and her knickers!... She must have been staying there at the weekend!
[Jean:] She might stay... for a a weekend or something, but I mean... erm
[Raymond:] Aye get her end away... he's, he's no scruples!... Here, put these clothes away.
[Jean:] He hasn't
[Raymond:] Did you phone Kate?
[Jean:] No, I haven't.
[Raymond:] No, well phone her... see how she is.
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] Now if she says why we were not here... or say... say she tells you she called on Saturday and we were out... just say to her... Raymond was drinking stout!... Fuck her... I was drinking stout... on Saturday night... and normally don't do it... because... we've simply no money!... on the vodka... and say it wasn't even enough to buy a carry out... but don't say it unless she says she was here!
[Jean:] Oh... can't see her coming for Saturday night.
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] She was here on Friday night.
[Raymond:] She mentioned the silver teapot to John.... I said to him we made her a cup of coffee out of a teapot that was bought... and she says she was talking about it. I didn't want John thinking that... I said... he would get her one.
[Jean:] No,
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Jean:] [yawning] There's toilet rolls in there [].
[Raymond:] In that top one?
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Can you not put them in the bottom of the cupboard and get rid of that bag?... Jean, that's what drawers are for! everything, look at that dir lo look at that now!... I can... take some down and put them in the cupboard.... Are you sure Jean there's not a box of soap in there?
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] There is.... What? No it's not...... the soap in that box is lying down in the coal hole.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] The soap out of the box is lying in the coal hole, the empty box is in the bin.
[Jean:] Okay.
[Raymond:] Hey listen... you see these er... the stuff you have in that cupboard there, the hot press.
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Now, you'll have to go through it... right?... There's no use in keeping things that you're not gonna use... okay?... Now you, if you get rid of a lot of, of a lot of the rubbish... right?... Do you realize... how quickly your clothes would dry in there... in the hot press?
[Jean:] All of them.
[Raymond:] No serious, in summer, it's alright now... good wind blow... you can get the clothes dried... in a reasonable time... but in the winter... you can't
[Jean:] I know.
[Raymond:] right? They would even dry quicker than... if you put them over the clothes horse... cos that's what those slats are for.... There's no use keeping things you don't need Jean, and you don't know anybody that needs them! John... never mind him!
[Jean:] If he gets a house he'll need curtains, putting his curtains up.
[Raymond:] Ha for God's sake Jean if she's gonna move back with him... she'll not want your stuff!... That's why she won't move back in with him, cos she says there's too much stuff there reminds him... reminds her of her... his ma... or your ma.
[Jean:] I think she was glad to take it all mine.
[Raymond:] at the time Jean.... I don't want to ge to get involved, but you just can't help... and I don't want any of this shit out!... Now... watch this And from what I've heard about her she's always her mouth now!... There...... oh Christ!... Remember me at the weekend to look... I think... it's only fuse right?... Now... if it's only a fuse like mine... I'll get him one... and we'll be able to get... the computer back down cos er... the like right?... Now these Easter eggs, I hope nobody's touching them!... This table here what're you gonna do with it?
[Jean:] I was thinking of putting it in there on Saturday,
[Raymond:] Right then we'll have to move that bed a bit.
[Jean:] Oh yeah.
[Raymond:] You'll have to get those books out the corner, you get up... get up... get washed and get dressed... and we'll do it now... please?... Come on!... Do you feel any better this morning? You were like something hanging over the edge of a nest last night!... You didn't know whether you were... coming or going!
[Jean:] Alright.
[Raymond:] Well, you get those boys to help you today.
[Jean:] They're
[Raymond:] I'm fri I, I don't care Jean, no argument!... If I'm not here you're in charge and that's it!
[Jean:] You're asking them to
[Raymond:] Right... now what do I do?... This way... now I lift this side, that'll be it, can you lift that?... Don't strain yourself... when I lift, you lift... Jean, put your hand under there! There... right, now... is that better? No... sweet wrappings.
[Jean:] That's a good idea.
[Raymond:] them on there.
[Jean:] though is it?
[Raymond:] Would you not be better throwing some of, you've read them?... You put the alarm clock onto the bed... alright... now... let me see... will it go in?... Ah, I dare say... there in that corner like that by the side of the... now... where are we putting these egg boxes away?... Can you make a space over there?... I don't want... Is that the bigger box?... Have you decided yet, who's getting what?... get going, where are all these going then?
[Jean:] Over there.
[Raymond:] ...
[Jean:] Oh.
[Raymond:] for Jean... next
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Mother's Day... you're, we're all still here... I said wear this and I'm sorry... but
[Jean:] Well I shan't bother with for them!
[Raymond:] I know, I know that love.
[Jean:] I can hardly say!
[Raymond:] You know that I would... do it properly for... if I had to.
[Jean:] Yes.
[Raymond:] Now don't go making this into your Jean okay?
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] You don't need that! and you don't need that rather... here... I think these are all Melissa's books.
[Jean:] Oh no they're not.
[Raymond:] I think it... I think they're... thickies and they'll wanna read something else!... Have you had been in to see have you been in to see Mrs?
[Jean:] I stopped
[Raymond:] Which?
[Jean:] Er... do you know Denise... and Dave?
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Jean:] Well...... some relation of hers... was knocked down over there.
[Raymond:] Over there a across the street here?
[Jean:] No, round the corner.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Jean:] And he was talking to Thomas
[Raymond:] Thomas who?
[Jean:] Thomas
[Raymond:] Oh yes. Why did he knock them down?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] What
[Jean:] Just to tell you about Ben and he's happily... church.
[Raymond:] Oh yes, that's right... oh still religious... is he?
[Jean:] Aye
[Raymond:] And a how's the chest, serious? Paul who?
[Jean:] Paul
[Raymond:] Oh next door.
[Jean:] called her name... and
[Raymond:] Well as long as she's okay.
[Jean:] She's on a wee bend, and she down the alley there
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] laid out on the road!
[Raymond:] God help her!... Oh the usual bicycle.
[Jean:] He's not ours
[Raymond:] And I'm.... Oh I took our books down... to the library today... and there's two in three of got...... don't let them use my razor Jean!... They were shearing sheep with it!... There's another five million things for the Jean!... Do you remember that black stone ring?
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] That Johnny had... is it still here?
[Jean:] No...
[Raymond:] ... I think it's time Jean... oh no that's mine... don't let anybody touch that!
[Jean:] If it's yours then
[Raymond:] What's that there, that's a good'un... it's not as... not as heavy as I, feel the weight of that... you feel that.
[Jean:] Oh yeah.
[Raymond:] Feel the weight... go on.... Now we've got a buyer for that one at home... well two for pound... help to buy you a bed.... Kelly Ann the other day wanted to know where my... where was the ring you got married in Raymond?
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER] No []!
[Raymond:] Yeah... she said Aunt Jean tried to get me to work, but no!
[Jean:] And why not?
[Raymond:] There's an Irish pound coin... you'd get about ninety odd... ninety odd P for that.... Right now... that's slightly better.... Another thing Jean... you can get the boys today... is to clear their drawers out... if there's that they don't... would you bring... the plate down... if there's clothes
[Jean:] Are you going to?
[Raymond:] If there's clothes that... what am I gonna, if there's clothes they don't want Jean... into the bin!... There's no use giving them away... cos they're rags!... When does Soggy go away again?... A fortnight?... Jean?... If I hear any more talk about Soggy, what would you been doing if you were?... And how do you clean these boots properly?
[Jean:] I don't know.
[Raymond:] I don't know if he's gonna start it again, but I stopped him... bloody!... This is what I was thinking of throwing out Jean.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Do you know those articles John got you?... The wee plates?
[Jean:] Why?
[Raymond:] Well... we never use them... and I've another reason for wanting rid of them.... Ah ah ah! Hiya Kylie, Hiya Paul!
[Paul:] hello.... Nice innit?
[Raymond:] Beautiful!... Beautiful! Aha?
[Paul:] and they never even
[Raymond:] You run eight miles?
[Paul:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Jesus Christ!
[Kylie:] Where's my?
[Raymond:] You sick in the head or something?
[Paul:] No I just...
[Raymond:] Where do you run?
[Paul:] Whe o... path... turn er
[Kylie:] What do you want? Do you hear a
[Raymond:] Jean.
[Kylie:] music?
[Raymond:] Don't hear music.
[Paul:] up all the way along... and er... you come out along the road all the way up past...
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Paul:] ... is it Thomas?
[Raymond:] Thomas... Thomas.
[Paul:] Park down there... go round to... up back around the... Road
[Raymond:] That's heavy!
[Paul:] come down.
[Raymond:] Jesus!
[Kylie:] Where's your puppy?
[Raymond:] It's in the house sleeping.
[Paul:] Locked you out again?
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] Got too pissed or something!
[Raymond:] Yeah, better you than me!... Ah it's sweet enough, I saw you coming in with a black one.
[Paul:] Aye....... Raymond was here... and... I was going out with her
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Paul:] and the big dog hates... her going out... and I have to be on my own.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Paul:] Brought her... her in... and... you know wee Gavin?
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Paul:] ... got us wading through
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Paul:] the fight happened... he got out
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Paul:] and he was fucking jumping about the
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Paul:] I only got to hear him start talking to your Raymond
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Paul:] and he was going nuts!... He was going nuts!...
[Raymond:] And did you take him in?
[Paul:] No I ended up putting them in the box... Joan had him out yesterday.
[Kylie:] Dad!
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Paul:] ... It's her I want to get ready for Saturday, for this championship show.
[Raymond:] Oh aye.
[Paul:] Has he not been to, a lot of
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Kylie:] Daddy!
[Paul:] What a way of starting!... He... she should do well.
[Raymond:] I hope she does love.
[Paul:] But she's in... she's in for the championship, and then there's a president's club...
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Paul:] can have... a good win in er... ninety one... so
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Paul:] in our breed shows
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Paul:] and she got best puppies... that's her reward.
[Raymond:] Lovely.
[Paul:] So we'll put her in for it... I mean... with her form... break it down, I hope they ask her to... you know?
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Paul:] The other was sitting on our wall.
[Raymond:] Hello lovely!... On your way t... on your way to Disneyland?... Right Paul.
[Paul:] Ta.
[Raymond:] [sigh]... Oh... wrong book!... Nearly the end. Well there's one tape completed Jean... oh it's only the side of one.
[Jean:] Right.
[Raymond:] We this... the first side of the
[Jean:] Right.
[Raymond:] first tape.... Well paint thinners or... white spirits doesn't light as well as petrol in these lighters... [sigh]...!... What?... I saw one on top of the bed... I don't know where I put the other one...... It's down here Jean.... God! Have you tried under the bed Jean?
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] But... Is it under the bed?
[Jean:] No it's not.
[Raymond:] Well have you looked?... Where did you get that one?
[Jean:] Beside the bed.
[Raymond:] [sigh]... Well I put one on top of the bed!... But I don't know what I did with it.... Jean.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] I was talking about Paul there.
[Jean:] Why?
[Raymond:] He says last night and never took or anything.... [LAUGHTER]... Well that's what I thought, but anyway!... They're putting shorts on him!... There's your slipper there for fu... [sigh]... You finished in the bathroom?... I need a... dump.
[Jean:] Well won't no more, so no problem.
[Raymond:] Ha!... That's one thing running at your own speed!... Ah Jean!... I was reading in a book the other day that if you get a... bicarbonate of sodas, that's baking soda.
[Jean:] Thanks.
[Raymond:] And it takes the stains out of no, can it not get paint stains?... Right, where's this morning's paper and I go to the bogs?... I shouldn't be here... I should be away on the bus.... Oh God!... Oh!
[Jean:] then?
[Raymond:] Ah... no Heather... I'll throw them down there... you'll have to get lighted the fire... try... and some... right.... Twenty Barclay please, and a box of Swan?
[Mary:] Swan.... Three six.
[Raymond:] How much is that?... How much?
[Mary:] Three six.
[Raymond:] Is there any more in there... oh no that's right there. Packet of those Duracell... exactly!
[Mary:] One or two?
[Raymond:] One.
[Mary:] They all come ready packed... believe it or not!
[Raymond:] Oh no, no that's... more than reasonable... good day, thank you! Cuts where?
[Kelly Ann:] There.
[Raymond:] In your gums?
[Kelly Ann:] No just on my lips.
[Raymond:] Oh ca that's only where they had to be... you put the wee rubber... mouthpiece in you see... to keep your mouth open... so that's easy to open your mouth, sometimes people clamp their mouths closed and then they can't get their teeth out.... Right... have you got your tickets?
[Stephen:] Er
[Raymond:] Lift that book.... Right... you gonna carry that for me?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] You don't mind?
[Kelly Ann:] No.
[Raymond:] Now, are your tickets down in the?
[Kelly Ann:] Yes we know, we always leave our tickets we don't lost them.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Stephen:] Ooh!
[Kelly Ann:] So they know who you are.
[Raymond:] Okay.
[Kelly Ann:] We always keep them cos it's... they can get you off
[Raymond:] Right.
[Kelly Ann:] properly.
[Raymond:] Well let's... go. Right Kelly Ann!
[Kelly Ann:] Is Robert... [spelling] B, R B... R O... B B I T []?
[Raymond:] Say it again?
[Kelly Ann:] Is Robert... [spelling] R O B B I T []?
[Raymond:] No!
[Kelly Ann:] What is it? For Stephen.
[Raymond:] [spelling] R O B E R T [].
[Kelly Ann:] [spelling] R O B E R T. R O B E R T. R... O B E... R T []. Robert.... [singing] Choo choo choo choo, choo choo [].... Look, at er Stephen.
[Raymond:] What's that you say?
[Kelly Ann:] Simon don't know why she left.... My friends are talking
[Raymond:] Ah! What are saying? Go ahead.
[Kelly Ann:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Oh very good! Very, very good that is!
[Kelly Ann:] Black... okay?
[Raymond:] Er, I would do those er... black... wait a minute! Black, black... black, black, black, yes.
[Kelly Ann:] But dar... light green, or like... dark green?
[Raymond:] Oh green. Just er oh... a light green.
[Kelly Ann:] Okay....
[Raymond:] Have you go oh here we are.... [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] [singing] Oh no no [].
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] What? Those can be.... You don't have to do
[Stephen:] Oh! They're
[Kelly Ann:] I would do... I would put it up there.
[Stephen:] ... I mean, what have we got there, that's all.
[Kelly Ann:] Erm... I would do it straight.
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Stephen:] Do you know a scribble and a... a. Do you know that one?
[Kelly Ann:] A scribble? I don't know. What is it?
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] Is it
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Kelly Ann:] I put that down there. Scribble. I think it is a
[Stephen:] You usually have them first.
[Kelly Ann:] Pardon? I haven't.... I can put this one down there.... There! That's a scribble. You can make it yourself.
[Stephen:] Scribble. Was it the?
[Kelly Ann:] I think so. Say anything.
[Stephen:] Which one of the...?
[Kelly Ann:] I only wish it were a new one.
[Stephen:] What are all those different colours for?
[Kelly Ann:] Well it's... blue.
[Stephen:] Mm. [singing] Doo be doo doo [].... You'll have to put it in and make one giant one together.
[Kelly Ann:] If you say so. Do you think so?
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] Everybody usually is.
[Stephen:] Yeah. I know. I've finished everything. Now we can
[Raymond:] Very good! Very, very good!... I like that! You see
[Stephen:] People
[Raymond:] you see the rifles?
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Raymond:] You see these there?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Now, now not... not that part there at the bottom.
[Stephen:] That's where the
[Raymond:] But you see that there
[Stephen:] is.
[Raymond:] brown
[Stephen:] Yes.
[Raymond:] cos that was wood, and that was wood, that was wood, that was wood, and that was wood. So it's dark, no what am I saying! Er... that there's brown. See that part? The
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Raymond:] or the butt
[Stephen:] Right.
[Raymond:] and they would be
[Stephen:] Black?
[Raymond:] er, no well er, let's see... have you a dark grey? No?
[Stephen:] No. I have no grey.
[Kelly Ann:] Only a pencil.
[Stephen:] Only a pencil.
[Raymond:] No! [sighing] Well let's see [].
[Stephen:] What about
[Raymond:] And that part there would be brown, up to there.
[Stephen:] Up there.
[Raymond:] Do that part first, brown, to see what it's like. And that part with, and do that black, yeah. But leave those wee rings out.
[Stephen:] Aye. What will I do there?
[Raymond:] The bayonet?
[Stephen:] Ah.
[Raymond:] Let me see.
[Stephen:] On the bits just here.
[Raymond:] Do do... do that... oh let me see.
[Stephen:] Well I've done that grey... and I've done the, and do the
[Raymond:] Aha. Hold on a minute.
[Stephen:] pull grey?
[Raymond:] Now, hold on a minute. Well do that part brown first, and that part brown up to there.
[Stephen:] There.
[Raymond:] And do, aye, you do, they've got the rest of it grey, yes. That's brown, dark brown there and that there's
[Stephen:] What about that?
[Raymond:] grey.
[Stephen:] What about the handle, the handle bit? All there?
[Raymond:] That there?
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Raymond:] No, don't worry about that in the meantime.
[Stephen:] That black on, which?
[Raymond:] Let me see. Very good! Yes. That's also very good.
[Stephen:] See I'm doing this grey for... erm... in there... make it
[Raymond:] Well
[Stephen:] all muddy.
[Raymond:] well, that's okay. Now, what kind of an address is that??
[Stephen:] Erm... it's only coming from this way.
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] There.
[Raymond:] No, but you put Donegall before road.
[Stephen:] It's [spelling] D O N G A L L []?
[Raymond:] It's [spelling] D O N E G A L L [], Donegall.
[Stephen:] [spelling] D O... A []?
[Raymond:] [spelling] D O [], what?
[Stephen:] [spelling] D O A []?
[Raymond:] Stephen, how long have you lived here?
[Stephen:] Erm, two years.
[Raymond:] It's, you've lived, er you lived in the, all your day! It's [spelling] D O N E G A L L [].
[Stephen:] ... We haven't.
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Stephen:] Oh Raymond... I've done the butt... black... cos we're weapon.
[Raymond:] And the same?
[Kelly Ann:] Oh I done the pull.
[Raymond:] Well... that's okay. That's good!
[Stephen:] Right. Now what do we do?
[Raymond:] What does it say you have to do?
[Kelly Ann:] The castle.
[Stephen:] ... beneath the castle fort.
[Raymond:] Alright.
[Stephen:] You might have to wait for.
[Kelly Ann:] Okay. What's that there for?
[Raymond:] A skeleton.
[Kelly Ann:] See, and I've just made out of the stomach.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Kelly Ann:] Did the do
[Stephen:] How?
[Kelly Ann:] Didn't you watch all the time? Do you watch all the time?
[Raymond:] No.
[Kelly Ann:] Because you know Patrick just scribbles?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Stephen:] Does he?... What are you gonna put in this?
[Kelly Ann:] Yes. Mhm. Where's the, where's the brown? What?
[Stephen:] But Raymond
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] . It's that policewoman!... [humming]... We will be hearing about... Armagh.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Stephen:] About what a good time it is now.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Stephen:] And....
[Kelly Ann:] Do you want to have with me?...
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Kelly Ann:] Are you doing County Armagh?
[Stephen:] No, I'm doing Belfast. So... gonna have your as well.
[Kelly Ann:] Oh well, it is a bit. We're gonna have a nice one.
[speaker008:] Oh are you?
[Stephen:] Where's the paint gone?
[Kelly Ann:] Okay. Give it to you for fifty P.
[Stephen:] This is the best one.
[Raymond:] [sniff] [cough]
[Stephen:] Want one?
[Kelly Ann:] No.... How long is the stretcher?
[Stephen:] I was gonna do it.
[Kelly Ann:] You could do, could do the people li like that.... Mm. chocolate.
[Raymond:] Mhm. [tv on]
[Stephen:] Erm, when he first came out
[Kelly Ann:] Do you want something to eat?
[Stephen:] No.
[Kelly Ann:] You just wanna watch a movie all the time.
[Raymond:] What do yous wanna eat?
[Stephen:] Nothing.
[Kelly Ann:] Nothing.
[Raymond:] Nothing? You're tired. Night.
[Stephen:] Watch the rest of this.
[Raymond:] I'm easy. It's up to yourselves if you don't wanna eat. I'll not force yous. So make up your mind kiddies. Christ that was on the way!... Yeah. I don't know what happened to it.... [sigh]... Stephen is that fire alright?
[Stephen:] Yeah, I've just got it going granddad.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Kelly Ann:] ... Not that.
[Raymond:] Sara! Stop barking! Get into the back! Sara!... Sara! Stop that growling neither!... [whistling] What?
[Stephen:] Maybe there's something in... that
[Raymond:] There's something, what? No. They want to hang on or something.
[Stephen:] Erm... what's that?
[Raymond:] What you doing?
[Stephen:] Putting on my shoe. I'm going to Martin's.
[Raymond:] If you're going out to play in that street, it's cold!
[Stephen:] I know.
[Raymond:] Take you're er
[Stephen:] I'm just taking a coat outside.
[Kelly Ann:] It's raining. Ooh!
[Raymond:] What?
[Kelly Ann:] I know you wouldn't. If you ruin the I gave you [LAUGHTER] you're already in the ambulance []!
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus! I wouldn't wear it!
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] Just take your turn, you see []. You're going it alone.
[Raymond:] Did you like that story I told you today?
[Kelly Ann:] Aye. I did.
[Stephen:] Ee ee! Hee ooh ho ooh ooh!
[Kelly Ann:] Get it off!
[Stephen:] Mind you them! You won't get my stuff I gave you!
[Kelly Ann:] You look more like a! [LAUGHTER] And really funny []! Oh yeah, imagine she showed you your mum [LAUGHTER] [].
[Stephen:] Did you not get the sack?
[Raymond:] No.
[Kelly Ann:] Poor Robert!
[Stephen:] How, how do you get the sack? Did you get the sack or did you just pack it in?
[Raymond:] No I got another job. Packed it in.
[Stephen:] What was your other job like?
[Raymond:] Gave me a lift.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Gave you a lift []!
[Raymond:] And then I, and then I started a... to work for an asphalt company.
[Stephen:] What did you do there?
[Raymond:] Clerk.
[Stephen:] What's that?
[Raymond:] Office worker.
[Stephen:] Oh! You mean that was like funny... [LAUGHTER] and working and that []?
[Raymond:] No.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] It was down at the harbour... in Belfast.
[Stephen:] And what did you do?
[Raymond:] Plenty of rocks.
[Stephen:] And did someone give you... a sandwich [LAUGHTER] and you and you put it back []!
[Raymond:] Oh no, no, I was more careful about sandwiches.
[Stephen:] No, what about the job? Have you got a, like a... hair... hair in your office [LAUGHTER] []!
[Kelly Ann:] What did you say?
[Stephen:] And he gave you a job... going.... How would you him?
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] The, the one that's... to erm... get the job...?
[Raymond:] I dare I see him. I would dare I see him. I would honestly.
[Stephen:] Sure it's more [LAUGHTER] and get them brand new
[Raymond:] No.
[Stephen:] from Craigar Port
[Raymond:] No, no, no! I would like to say, or write to him to apologize to her but she's probably dead.
[Stephen:] What now?
[Raymond:] I dunno. She was... sh Kelly, get a shovel of coal on. She was er... maybe in her early fifties then... and oh sure that was er... [whispering] nineteen []... oh eighty five, eighty five,
[Kelly Ann:] Whereabouts is the coal?
[Raymond:] ninety five. Thirty, thirty odd years ago. Thirty nine years ago. Fifty, sixty, seventy, oh she might be still living.
[Stephen:] You go ahead. You can put everything on the back.
[Raymond:] Now you put the fire out the las so set it all nice and easy. No, now that's throwing it on! You set the shovel on top of the coal that's already there... and tilt it and slide the other coal onto it.
[Stephen:] Oh!
[Raymond:] Stephen. Now put that... light that fire again with.... dangerous... apart from that thing it is dangerous. Don't you's ever try it. Right. Set that on easy now. Set it down in the fire. That's right. Now slide it.
[Stephen:] [mimicking] Slide it down in that [].
[Raymond:] On you go. What about that. I'll teach you something yet. There's the two the pieces of coal on the shovel. Put that on, now that's it. Aye.... [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] [shouting] Have you seen what the they did []?
[Stephen:] Oh aye.
[Kelly Ann:] You did?
[Stephen:] Oh aye.
[Kelly Ann:] Alright,
[Stephen:] Okay, I'm joking!
[Raymond:] Right, what was it?
[Stephen:] One of the
[Kelly Ann:] Me ee!
[Raymond:] Do you know that, her brother
[Kelly Ann:] What?
[Raymond:] in that series? He used to be in
[Stephen:] Neighbours.
[Raymond:] Neighbours.
[Stephen:] Yeah, Mike.
[Raymond:] He still can't act!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... Get out of there!
[Raymond:] Steve,. Why do you have to shout at your dog?
[Stephen:] Did you tape record [LAUGHTER] it []?
[Raymond:] Is he sick?
[Stephen:] Why?
[Raymond:] You see the way his eyes are red... or going pretty dull... he needs wormed.
[Stephen:] And what, why?
[Raymond:] He needs worming tablets! There's worms in him!
[Kelly Ann:] He's had them.
[Raymond:] Mm?
[Kelly Ann:] He's had them.
[Raymond:] Didn't give him enough.... Apparently when their eyes go dull it's... they need wormed.
[Stephen:] Wormed, you need!
[Raymond:] Look at mine.
[Stephen:] Worms! Need worms Sara.
[Raymond:] Look at Kelly Ann's... hers are black.
[Kelly Ann:] And I'm the undertaker.
[Stephen:] up the bum! And I
[Raymond:] Can't talk now please! Do you like her?
[Kelly Ann:] Yeah, she's alright.
[Stephen:] Where?
[Raymond:] He's shouting for her.... [whistling]... We were down in the bar, up the club on Saturday night... your Aunt Jean and Raymond and I... and this fella beside us was drunk... [LAUGHTER] and he put his arm round this woman's neck, you know the thing, what about []? And he hit her, sort of a, you know, a slap in the back but her glasses were loose... they fell... hit the steel base of the table... crack!
[Kelly Ann:] What happened then?
[Raymond:] Her glasses fell off her head... and hit the metal base of the table and smashed in two. I think I told you. There was something... argument afterwards!... [sigh]... Where you going Kelly Ann?
[Kelly Ann:] I'm just going to get Martin.
[Raymond:] You're not cold now? You not need a coat on?
[Kelly Ann:] Just for the
[Raymond:] Do you know you've been off... school from what? Last Friday?
[Kelly Ann:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] And you've been out one day.
[Kelly Ann:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Were you out on Sunday? Or Saturday? [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] He's lovely! I hadn't seen him before.
[Raymond:] Were you not with er... your mate... what do you call
[Kelly Ann:] Yes.
[Raymond:] her? Lynn?
[Kelly Ann:] her boyfriend went down.
[Raymond:] Oh the boyfriend's ba? Oh she's got
[Kelly Ann:] And
[Raymond:] a boyfriend?
[Kelly Ann:] I'm not gonna know him.
[Raymond:] What about wee James who give you the wo ring? Albert's gonna kill you!... We should deal with your daddy when he's drunk. Throw the towel over him and left him.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... We could have left daddy.
[Raymond:] You could drag him into the den.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] I don't like him now. In the black jumper.
[Stephen:] Blake.
[Raymond:] Is that what you call him?
[Stephen:] Blake.
[Raymond:] Jerk you should call him!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]... Oh shut up! Ha! Ha!
[Raymond:] Get that dog in the back. Go on get into the back Sarah you... fucking rotten! Get into the back! Get them in the ba, get her in the back! Jesus Christ I would kill you!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] That's scandalous, that! There's something wrong with that dog. It's probably got cancer
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] or something.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] [].
[Raymond:] Oh Chri something's crawled up it and died!
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Now keep it in there!... Any Penguins left, no?
[Kelly Ann:] No. [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] That's eight, yeah. There. Right, B. What time is it? Six twenty. Five thirty five. It's the fifteenth... of the fourth... ninety two. Five... thirty five... P M. Belfast.... [sigh]... So that's right.... T V.... T V there. T V show.... B B C. Now... oh Jesus! So... aha, and
[Stephen:] Why did you look at?
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] seven P L,. What you whispering for? Kelly?
[Kelly Ann:] What?
[Raymond:] What are you whispering for?
[Kelly Ann:] Nothing.
[Stephen:] No you're not. It's quite good!
[Raymond:] What's wrong?
[Kelly Ann:] My picture's in there.
[Raymond:] What picture? Oh, what, what book is it?
[Kelly Ann:] Don't know. Found the picture. I haven't bought all these things.
[Raymond:] Oh!
[Stephen:] was born on that.
[Raymond:] He was born where?
[Stephen:] Orville Wright.
[Raymond:] Who? Watch
[Stephen:] Wright.
[Raymond:] her! You're gonna hurt her!
[Kelly Ann:] No! [LAUGHTER]... Ah!
[Raymond:] Now you'll... did he hurt your leg?
[Kelly Ann:] No, my middles. Crunched it, so I did.
[Raymond:] Are there any biscuits left at all?
[Kelly Ann:] No.
[Stephen:] No.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Is there a Digestive? Get us one. No, get us two. I'm feeling greedy.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Shall I get four, yeah?
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Don't forget, I won't be home by about eight o'clock tonight.
[Stephen:] Ha?
[Kelly Ann:] But why? I think you'll just have [LAUGHTER] stay in! What about... soup or []?
[Raymond:] No, I don't like anything in that cupboard.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] All the rest are soup, [].
[Raymond:] And a handful of baking soda, tonight ask your Aunt Jean... to make it lovely.
[Kelly Ann:] Do you reckon she'll get in there?
[Raymond:] No. That's for your daddy.... [yawn]... I want yous to be quiet, I wanna hear the news. Please.
[Kelly Ann:] I will be
[Stephen:] Here, he's back again.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... Ah, don't do that to your daddy's, give us that. Cos your daddy needs that soda bread. Don't tempt me. Go on! Ah don't! Don't!
[Stephen:] You ooh!
[Raymond:] ! Come on wrap it up for you daddy. Wrap it up!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]...... urgh!
[Kelly Ann:] Wrap it up!
[Raymond:] [whistling]
[Stephen:] Ah.
[Kelly Ann:] Oh and we're just not hungry. We're
[Raymond:] Ah.
[Kelly Ann:] very deaf [LAUGHTER] and it's too late []!
[Stephen:] Ho!
[Raymond:] What about this?
[Stephen:] [singing] She wore a red cloak. Yeah []!
[Kelly Ann:] Me and daddy playing shoot.
[Stephen:] Whoop! Boing!
[Kelly Ann:] You're supposed to
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... You're boing!
[Kelly Ann:] Yeah! [LAUGHTER] Boing! But they're bound to [].
[Stephen:] Why?
[Kelly Ann:] [screaming] Ah []!
[Stephen:] Ah!
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] You stuck?
[Kelly Ann:] Watch your tape. Watch it now.
[Stephen:] Aye, do you need them?
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] What?
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] Ah, come on!, take them off!
[Raymond:] No.
[Kelly Ann:] [singing] The bird [singing+laughing] he wants a biscuit []. How about yours then? [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] That's what I tell you []!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] What []. I play with you.
[Kelly Ann:] Oh a nice little... yeah. [LAUGHTER]... Did you have one!
[Stephen:] No. Come on! How many?
[Kelly Ann:] Oh no you don't get any.... The them bottles are stinking!
[Raymond:] I know.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kelly Ann:] They're rotten!
[Raymond:] What?
[Kelly Ann:] Oh they're like... they're not good for water!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kelly Ann:] Don't do anything to me! [LAUGHTER] I could hear the []!
[Raymond:] Well you were hungry a way down there but you would make good child.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] [].
[Stephen:] Oh oh oh! Oh oh oh! Oh oh oh!
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] Oh I thought was it [].... I want those. Just take it.... Oh! Let go of it!
[Stephen:] Oh no!
[Kelly Ann:] Let go of it! [LAUGHTER] Jes that began with an []
[Stephen:] Oh!
[Kelly Ann:] Okay then.
[Stephen:] Those are very unhappy. People like me
[Raymond:] Well he's good.
[Kelly Ann:] and he says he's skinny! I can't let you in.
[Raymond:] Ah, but he's solid. [sigh]
[Kelly Ann:] Get off!
[Stephen:] [singing] I'm begging you []!
[Raymond:] Be quiet! Now hear this!
[Stephen:] [whistling]... Raymond.
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Stephen:] See when your friend, that's the jam, and bread, and butter all over him. Do you ever,cu cos you could call him.
[Kelly Ann:] Bread, butter, jam man!
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kelly Ann:] Stephen! You know me Mr and all these phone numbers.
[Stephen:] They should call him jammy man.
[Kelly Ann:] Raymond and the jam man.
[Raymond:] Here, put that in the er... sink please? I'll wash it in a minute. Thank you.
[Kelly Ann:] You tape recording everything? [LAUGHTER] He's taping everything []!
[Raymond:] I have to.
[Kelly Ann:] Yes.
[Stephen:] Ooh miaow!
[Raymond:] You watch what your daddy say there. Remem remember what daddy said about that
[Kelly Ann:] What daddy said about the road.
[Raymond:] main road.
[Stephen:] [singing] Are you going to, dee dee dee dee []. And Mrs comes out the
[Kelly Ann:] I will not have that.
[Stephen:] It's
[Kelly Ann:] It's... so when are we going out?
[Stephen:] How did the big dog get out?
[Kelly Ann:] I'm not.
[Stephen:] You can get, you know.
[Kelly Ann:] Erm
[Stephen:] [singing] []
[Kelly Ann:] He's going to help me out
[Stephen:] No! She'll be round the back.... Oh Raymond.... It's still Ra Raymond's dog just now.
[Raymond:] Did it? Ho ho!
[Stephen:] It's not very well.
[Raymond:] No.
[Kelly Ann:] What was she doing?
[Stephen:] Ha ha!
[Raymond:] Jesus! [door opening]
[Stephen:] That's going to take a long time.... Oh! [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] You didn't know that anyone was there [].
[Raymond:] You're getting tall Kelly Ann. You are indeed.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] Get him off []!
[Raymond:] One of these days you'll lead me across the road.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] You're the... you're erm... you're the lollipop man []!
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Then I'll be going
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, it's lovely []!
[Raymond:] Look at that lava, look!
[Stephen:] I know. They're trying to stop it.
[Raymond:] Wouldn't like to put your foot in that.
[Stephen:] What?
[Kelly Ann:] It'll... burn your feet off!
[Raymond:] You could cook a chicken in that in about three seconds!
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah! You could []!
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Why don't we have
[Raymond:] Lift it out.
[Stephen:] No, you wouldn't even have bones le you wouldn't even have bones left!
[Raymond:] Look! There's a house destroyed with it. Dear! Dear!
[Kelly Ann:] Some people have asked me, Kelly, you've got a [LAUGHTER] []!
[Stephen:] They're trapped.
[Raymond:] I wouldn't sit there.
[Stephen:] Why, well Raymond
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] just say you're sitting there and the lava all just comes down.
[Raymond:] Jesus!
[Stephen:] ... it'll still keep on burning. It's still gonna burn.
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Kelly Ann:] I'm gonna be warm in my bed.
[Raymond:] Right love. See you later.
[Stephen:] Oh Raymond.
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] Da-na! Da-na!
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] So
[Raymond:] Am I doing that?
[Kelly Ann:] making []!
[Stephen:] Da-na!
[Raymond:] Three coats! Oh God!
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER] One, two, three, and a T-shirt [], a jumper. [LAUGHTER] You'll! No, gotta get getting that one off []!
[Raymond:] Ha!
[speaker008:] Nothing new is there really?
[John:] No Shaun! I told you I can't get them everyday now! Get my form every day!
[Raymond:] Gorgeous!... That girl who was in the elevator plunged... on the ninth floor... she plunged a thousand feet to the sub-basement... or... there's massive big springs on it apparently, I read about it. Only read a wee bit.
[John:] Smashed to bits?
[Raymond:] Mhm. Only got it... that there's news.... That should be in my daily. Oh! You should be getting out here?
[John:] No, twenty past four when I start, like.
[Raymond:] I've, so then you're gonna be sacked! Have to aim at them, what time and you know things that... [LAUGHTER] You're alright [], don't worry! [LAUGHTER] There's no []
[John:] I assume that you've left.
[Raymond:] The kids!
[John:] Is that yours.
[Raymond:] No! It's the people's. tell you in a minute.... Have you put your age down?
[John:] Raymond, fuck yourself!
[Raymond:] Alright, thirty nine right.
[John:] Okay.
[Raymond:] Anything else?
[John:] Fucking!
[Raymond:] Belfast.
[John:] You know, what's?
[Raymond:] What's the matter? Fucking er
[John:] Where do yo where do you get
[Jean:] ... and then he well fuck you! He says well just work on then... till half twelve. I said, we'll have to first time... and yet it's all he wants and... he was gonna take a day's pay off.
[Raymond:] Well
[Jean:] This is your Life. It's your man, Chris
[Raymond:] Chris De Burgh?
[Jean:] Mm.
[Raymond:] [sigh]... [sighing] Ah []!
[Jean:] He was sick this morning.
[Raymond:] Who was? The dog?
[Jean:] The big one. Did you
[Raymond:] Can a
[Jean:] feed them?
[Raymond:] Aye. It's er... they got fed. [sniff]
[Jean:] And how's everything going?
[Raymond:] Oh, alright. [sigh] Better go up and see Raymond. [sigh]... Have you got?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] No post? Is that, no letters? Thank Christ! Sit! Now you stay there!... There's your?
[Jean:] Tom Jones.
[Raymond:] Now stay there! What have we got for them, er Jean, for my tea?
[Jean:] Plenty of soda bread baked.
[Raymond:] Lovely! [climbing stairs]... What about you son? Alright. What happened to you? Dunno. I just... last night falling in the bed just [sigh]... I hear you got an injection. Aye. [LAUGHTER] Ha []! Did you feel it? Aye. [LAUGHTER]... They're not...? No. [sigh]... Oh Jesus! Did we get the tape recorder back alright? Aha. The girl came this morning. Said collect it on Friday night or Saturday some time. Aha.... [sigh]... Can you not go to sleep? Do you want No. a cigarette? You needn't go into work tomorrow now. There's not a lot of choice, Bollocks! If you, to hell with the money son if you're not well! To put it bluntly. I hear he said you have your ticket to health you weren't gonna get paid. That's right. I'm only just glad we can't... I dunno... then son. You're okay now.
[Jean:] He's much better. He's much better up there.
[Raymond:] Try and get a rest.... Feed the dogs.... Well you got enough today. Where's Brandy?
[Jean:] I don't know.
[Raymond:] Aye. Oh aye! You're getting nothing!
[Jean:] Did you want a cup of coffee?
[Raymond:] You see where I cut the Busy Lizzie.
[Jean:] I did. I seen it.
[Raymond:] I almost chopped it. Well he did more than er cut it. Now you see these smaller ones?
[Jean:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Ruth's cuttings. Well I put them... Jes they're still coming out of it! What is the point! I put these in hoping... and like, hoping... that they'll grow. Those ones there, the three of them... and that'll make it, you know... fill the pot. And then, if they do take Jean
[Jean:] Right. Do you want two or one?
[Raymond:] No, no put plenty of bacon! [LAUGHTER] If you don't want it [].
[Jean:] No. No he hasn't got a
[Raymond:] Oh well that's good.
[Jean:] So he did. He'll have to go without pay and I told him there and then.
[Raymond:] Good! Good! And what do, I saw Willie.... He says, well you're a... Kelly and Stephen said th didn't say read the paper.
[Jean:] Well
[Raymond:] I think her are all down in the er
[Jean:] I wanna take her upstairs for him.
[Raymond:] Aha. The rest are so there's about, a hell of a credit to King's Hall!
[Jean:] Is there?
[Raymond:] Yep. You want out Patch? Well you're going out!... Go on! If you wanna stay out, stay out! Stay there! Do you want your dinner Brandy?
[Jean:] Just give her a bit. It's here.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] Yeah, cos they haven't found why and then I said [running water]
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Jean:] That's me out. And he said...
[Raymond:] Look at the dogs trying to get in Jean. Look! Under the fence. Look!
[Jean:] I know.
[Raymond:] Our dog.
[Jean:] Maybe they're cold.
[Raymond:] Look! [shouting] Patch []! Nothing like dogs though. It was in there this morning, in a way, it's got, got out somewhere.
[Jean:] I think it just came back here for the milk and then it'll be away.
[Raymond:] What? I fell asleep today again.
[Jean:] Probably, cos you were up about half five this morning.
[Raymond:] Do you want your dinner Brandy?... And I hope you eat this.... The Sun'll be free soon... down at the er
[Jean:] ... the what?
[Raymond:] That up town shop. What?
[Jean:] She's going. She's going [whispering] to remove her womb [].
[Raymond:] Well she, what?
[Jean:] Womb.
[Raymond:] Her womb? Fuck sake! Don't scare me Jean! Tell me you're pregnant, I'll be looking for a camel! And a star! Cos you know what they say?
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] There's no camels come and play in my garden.
[Jean:] She used to work with me
[Raymond:] And as long as you're... I don't care what star you're following... you're not bringing those camel through my garden!
[Jean:] That's all we need now is
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Jean:] Better than a personal one.
[Raymond:] It'll be me outside looking for star. [dog barks]
[Jean:] Oh God!
[Raymond:] Shut up! Go on! Get away over there Patch! Patch! Get over there! Get in there! Get, get the hell! Go on! You go and get yourself.... Go on! [tv on]
[Jean:] Here! Come on! She's in the car!
[Raymond:] Patch!
[Jean:] Go get in! Go on!
[Raymond:] Oh where's the... where's the paper?
[Jean:] There's gonna be a
[Raymond:] Get in!
[Jean:] She's after him.
[Raymond:] Here ha! Come here Patch!
[Jean:] Patch!
[Raymond:] Patch! Come here! Get into the house!
[Jean:] Go on! Go on!
[Raymond:] Come on!
[Jean:] Hold the
[speaker008:] Patch, come in!
[Raymond:] Come on!
[Jean:] Come on!
[speaker008:] Come on!
[Raymond:] Tease the paper.
[speaker008:] Patch come on!
[Raymond:] Call him again.
[speaker008:] Patch!
[Jean:] He can't get past the garage
[speaker008:] Patch!
[Jean:] and me.
[speaker008:] Come here!
[Jean:] Look.
[speaker008:] Patch come on!
[Jean:] Oh and there's Jan
[speaker008:] Come on! Patch come on! Come on! Come on!
[Raymond:] Come on Patch! Come on! Come on! Come on!
[Jean:] Well they're calling me in.
[Raymond:] Come on! Come on! Come on!
[Jean:] But no I want some
[Raymond:] Well he's not getting any! Was he sick?
[speaker008:] I think he's had enough. Come on!
[Raymond:] How's Harry getting on with your driving.
[speaker008:] Fine.
[Raymond:] Good!
[Jean:] Well...
[Raymond:] Call him now Jean, the other dog. [tv on] Oh boy! Do you want to go out Brandy? What do you want, you want your dinner? Go and get your dinner. Go on! Here! Give him his dinner. Call him over.
[Jean:] Do you want an egg... rest of the baking soda.
[Raymond:] Oh God! No, love. No!
[Jean:] What do you want?
[Raymond:] Just the baking soda.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] The baking soda. I've stuffed myself with bread in your brother's today. When he was at work.... See that soldier that was killed in England?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] His father had a heart attack when he heard the news!
[Jean:] [tut] [tut] [tut] [tut] [tut].
[Raymond:] I know, ho.
[Jean:] Terrible! Every me a soldier killed during... [shouting] Raymond, do you want a cup of coffee []? What?
[Raymond:] [sighing] Ah []. You know what the girl was telling me this morning?
[Jean:] What? That dog's got into there. Do you want a top on that?
[Raymond:] I do. Aye. Please. Jean, one of our interviewers, er the girls... was interviewing a man yesterday
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] and he asked her to take off [LAUGHTER] all her clothes []! Ha! Fuck off! Fuck the way off, you! Big git!
[Jean:] Do you want a cup of coffee?
[Raymond:] Did you hear that?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] One of the interviewers went into a house yesterday [LAUGHTER] and asked her to take off all her clothes []!... Here! Here!
[Jean:] Oh go away! Put your feet up.
[Raymond:] I better let that... put your feet up Raymond.
[Jean:] Raymond like... put your feet up with around.
[Raymond:] Like, go away and I get my dinner! Jean, keep them away from that. Oh but I need you to tell him because of he'll, he'll wanna... he'll wanna talk to me. Here Patch! When?
[Jean:] Now.
[Raymond:] Who?
[Jean:] It's over.
[Raymond:] Right. You better get up the stairs and tell Johnny what's happening. [sighing] Oh []! You sure you're okay son? Mm. Now you got fed this morning Patch.... [belch]... Excuse me! [cough]... [cough] [sniff]... [sighing] Ah [] [cough]
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] What are they doing Johnny?
[Jean:] They didn't wanna come back. But he says... but he'll not accepts the eleven o'clock. I says well... Are you finished with your tape?
[Raymond:] No,thi, no not yet.
[Jean:] I says the only thing is... I says [whispering] I bring them in and then finishing is closed. And there's and I tiptoe downstairs about nine. If I don't come up when he goes away... and for the while he's on... just say he's []
[Raymond:] How the hell can they say only when he... fucking hear him coming down the stairs!
[Jean:] So I tiptoed downstairs when she knocked at the door...
[Raymond:] Balls!
[Jean:] I don't think it is Raymond.
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] Get down! Get down Patch!
[Jean:] He's a con man.
[Raymond:] Oh she's a con man.... What's that on top of the... speakers? On the television?
[Jean:] Don't know.
[Raymond:] What is it Jean?... Oh it's alright. It's only a leaflet in the cigarettes.
[Jean:] Give him anything [whispering] [].
[Raymond:] [sigh]... Jean! They'll be no more of this! You tell... if you see him tonight, in future, now it's not right! It's not right and I have to lie for him! It's not right and to the wee fella. He's behaving civil and I, that's not my form to do that. And I'm not gonna do it... any more!... No. The dog. [reading] A thirteen year old Belfast school girl swallowed seventy to eighty... paracetamol tablets... probably in the []... my Christ!
[Jean:] Probably what?
[Raymond:] Because her mother, she had an argument with her mother when they, er she wa she was caught smoking. She died of liver failure. My God!
[Jean:] Used to take four of them paracetamols.
[Raymond:] Mm. Yes.
[Jean:] You're only meant to take them in small quantities now.
[Raymond:] She's, is that your coffee?
[Jean:] What's up now? Ah yes, I've seen them on erm...
[Raymond:] I'm not sure.... Oh he makes.
[Jean:] Should have just stirred it in. All the bits.... Sure, in a couple of days they must have finished?
[Raymond:] Ah. [sigh] What's he got under there?
[Jean:] stick it on her.
[Raymond:] Are you going down to John's tomorrow... or Friday?
[Jean:] Friday.
[Raymond:] I told him Friday.
[Jean:] Yeah....
[Raymond:] Say no.
[Jean:] I think I can. She'll just stay.... Is she very happy, Jan?
[Raymond:] Jean, that er... antique fair should be on... this month.
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Do you wanna
[Jean:] It is soon?
[Raymond:] I would imagine that it's very soon.
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Should be near enough next Saturday.
[Jean:] Will it be as... close as that?
[Raymond:] I would say so.... Ah, the first Saturday in every month.
[Jean:] It's your first Saturday going.
[Raymond:] I'm supposed to be going on the third. Aye, maybe that's what it is.... [singing] Bum bum, bum bum bum []! [yawning] Urgh! God! I'm tired [].
[Jean:] Sure you are from half five this morning.
[Raymond:] I don't like your man there, that politician! Say he's very hot tempered.... Ah! Aargh! Patch! Patch! Come on! Good dog! Come on! Sit up! Come on! Up here! Come on! Come on! Up! No. Don't touch that!... Stop that! Stop it! Stop it Patch! Give me the mike you... Leave it! Get that out of your mouth! Fuck you!... Don't touch it!... Be a good dog now.... Where's my pen? Who's outside Patch? Patch! Who's outside? Eh?
[Jean:] Yeah, poor cat coming round
[Raymond:] What's out there?
[Jean:] and he's away to get fed.
[Raymond:] Mhm.... Why, is that mine you're using?
[Jean:] What? Mhm.
[Raymond:] What did you
[Jean:] It's only about ten minutes.
[Raymond:] Well the
[Jean:] It's slow.
[Raymond:] [sigh] Watch the end of it. Ah? What? Wait till the end of this. You needed Them are in the Yeah. They're supposed to be lethal. They don't take sides. Trying to keep the two sides apart. Ah ah ah!... [banging table] Thank you Raymond! [dog barks] I barked at him this morning and he barked back. [mimics barking] woof woof!... Miaow! Miaow! [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] Shut that door.
[Raymond:] Right.... Oh!... Look at that Jean! What is it? Lava, molten lava from a... vol volcano. So if it's, if it was cold this morning then why is it so hot now? Because i it's cold on the top warm in the bottom around the middle, and then it started to move again. And there's stuff coming from the behind
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] coming from.
[Jean:] Ray.
[Raymond:] [cough]... Excuse me! What for?
[Jean:] Here.
[Raymond:] Take your time with that. Give me a cigarette there Jean? Bloody matches! I can't drink without lighting a cigarette. You can't drink without a cigarette? Sometimes, yeah. Yeah, I know.... Here.... Right dog! Good dog!... Who's in that bar in the Rosie erm... who do you see? You'll see the girls. If they did report a rape and they'd told him... the woman opposite, at the top last night er, next week come back. Their walkie talkies break down! Their cars break down!
[Jean:] She must be.... She's been crying all night really.
[Raymond:] What?
[Jean:] arrest him he just kept saying things.
[Raymond:] Need more than that.
[Jean:] Not really. Not once you're in the
[Raymond:] How much would you need
[Jean:] I know! But you're not gonna do the other times. You're gonna be away.
[Raymond:] Well see, they're twenty to three, right?
[Jean:] Well... not especially, you can get a lot of them made.
[Raymond:] No, no, no. I need to give him one.
[Jean:] Well that'll leave three!
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Jean:] One for Who? Well that's a terrible thing!
[Raymond:] Oh aye!
[Jean:] And then. Some you gave me wi when I changed. It was very nice. And people were remonsta demonstrating towards a plea.
[Raymond:] Yeah. I saw the fella, no, he's in your mind. Look at that! A fella paid ten million pound for that painting today!
[Jean:] Did he?
[Raymond:] Ah look, look at him, fat! Shouldn't really have that o th, all that. He's dead mind you, is, er it's all like hundreds of... years and years ago. Th the owner? Oh aye! Look!... Somebody offered him five million, the owner of it, and he turned it down and got ten million. Lovely! Look at that!... Oh!... This programme coming on is about people have bad dreams and all, and walk in their sleep and... By Jesus!... [tut]. The same thing a little while ago. No.... He's got that... say the road name. Terrorists aren't they
[Jean:] Johnny
[Raymond:] Oh has Johnny still got it? But I don't know if there's anything
[Jean:] No. John's still got it.
[Raymond:] Oh! Remind me to ask him in the morning for it.
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] ... I'll go up now.... Jean, I know it was windy today. It was a lovely day!
[Jean:] It was lovely! It was good drying weather.... Now.
[Raymond:] Can't you get them cleaner?
[Jean:] If you can get them cleaner than that...
[Raymond:] I haven't got a decent pair of shoes you know!
[Jean:] The a pair you like... aren't they?
[Raymond:] Mhm.... Did you do them?
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Did you do them?
[Jean:] No. Did you want them done?
[Raymond:] You know that... dirty, wash them with something.
[Jean:] That's right.... Get the polish here. One Yes I know, and I can't find it.
[Raymond:] Well that's the way women should be! They should be slaves! As you were put on this earth for, to see to men's needs!... Earned us money for drinking! Make our dinners, make our beds, and... put your arms round us in time of need, and cuddle us.
[Jean:] What about me?
[Raymond:] Well to hell with women! Yous live longer than men Jean, so men should
[Jean:] Yeah I know.
[Raymond:] be getting er Well, do I take them off?
[Jean:] No, your shoes.
[Raymond:] Oh sorry!
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Take them off. I can't disturb the dog.
[Jean:] I will not take them off!
[Raymond:] I can't disturb the dog.
[Jean:] Creep over the dog, creep over. Come on, move it! If you want them done.
[Raymond:] Looks really
[Jean:] Erm, where's your? Sergeant, what do you call him? The sarge?... Come on now John! Keep the dishes and all me coming to you....
[Raymond:] Not... who's near the road?
[Jean:] Shall I for you?
[Raymond:] No, no no.... Are you asleep? Are you sleeping there or what? He doesn't know he's being filmed. Wait till you see what happened.
[Jean:] But what, what's happening there?
[Raymond:] He's away to sleep again....
[Jean:] And that's you waking up in the morning.
[Raymond:] Yeah, we'll watch that Jean. Jesus!... Yeah, when Sylvia comes in... you go downstairs... they're in behind her. [cough] Put the pope on. [ice cream van playing jingle outside] I see... make my monies not out you fucker!... Jean.
[Jean:] I'd say
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Jean:] Seem to be, he's
[Raymond:] Stop giggling!
[Jean:] He's coming out.
[Raymond:] He wants out.... Where do you wanna go?
[Jean:] See they're either asking what goes on.
[Raymond:] Aye. They know about it. [LAUGHTER]... Here. That's funny!
[Jean:] You haven't got to have any.
[Raymond:] That's like in Charlie's there the other day... he was sleeping.
[Jean:] Why? Could you not?
[Raymond:] Aye, he's not on it. No post today?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] Well there's another fifty P...
[Jean:] Well you must need it.
[Raymond:] ... Come on Patch! [slapping legs]... No! What's that? Good dog! Good dog!
[Jean:] Well I went in yesterday in... at Riannes.
[Raymond:] .... Come on! Get up!
[Jean:] He'll be in your bed.
[Raymond:] Patch! Get away from that! Come on!... Full of er, matches are in this.... I think if I get up at half five in the morning Jean, I'll go to the park.... Oh!... They put in the er... lighting system in in the Donegal Road.
[Jean:] Are they?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] Mm.... Go away!
[Raymond:] Patch! Is that fire okay Jean?
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Oh! Patch, my toe! Stop it!... You're not doing my shoes with... a black after
[Jean:] No, that goes for tan colour... course it doesn't go
[Raymond:] Yeah but
[Jean:] black!
[Raymond:] But this kind of
[Jean:] That's just to buff them up.
[Raymond:] What about all the dirt in the tow a a and the cloth then Jean? Where's all the black marks you wanna get out of them?... You buff your... shoes and... the finishing touches with a very soft cloth and that's not soft.
[Jean:] But Raymond, I'm not finished yet!
[Raymond:] Oh I see.... Take those shoes off.... What's that Jean. Where do you wanna go?... I'd like you to change your name.
[Jean:] Mm? Right!
[Raymond:] Oh, wait till I get sa I saw them. They're very good Jean! Oh they'll be very good! Oh yes! Saying, that we're needing new, you can only get a good shoe, and I got a wee good shoe.
[Jean:] You know what you should do?
[Raymond:] No love.
[Jean:] ... see in and you get leather dye... and dye them black.
[Raymond:] Mm.... You see brown, that brown will go with grey or a, or a dark colour.
[Jean:] Pure black goes with everything then.
[Raymond:] You bloody tread down and What are you going on about Steven? another, or that colour. Looks a lot like grey in colour.
[Jean:] Shoe shine mother, right!
[Raymond:] Yes mam! And go and wash your hands well Jean. Wash them very well.
[Jean:] I'm going to.... That colour's all getting to, my hands are all dark.
[Raymond:] What Jean? Jean!
[Jean:] Aye.
[Raymond:] What did you say? No it's the best er... medicine for you. You come in and I'll do it. [alarm ringing] [belch]... Excuse me!
[Jean:] Er... I should get the doctor to call... said I'd get things
[Raymond:] What was that, when you come out?
[Jean:] Ah.
[Raymond:] Aye, will you leave that Jean. Where's a T-shirt?
[Jean:] There's loads! Here's Raymond. That girl goes on the manor... and Jack
[Raymond:] keeps guessing... that's what, I should have looked for. There's a shirt on there. Oh aye. Don't, er you want these on the market, what do you think? [whispering] I wanna []. Just think it's best not to.
[Jean:] Those shoes looking a bit, good polishing up.
[Raymond:] They're just worn in.
[Jean:] Are they not them shoes?
[Raymond:] Ah?
[Jean:] This chap at work's got them on.
[Raymond:] They're lovely! Jeez, they are indeed! What size are they?
[Jean:] Eight and a half.
[Raymond:] Christ! Do I turn ri right there? Mhm. Just need to get cut... ah, couldn't you use that polish on them?
[Jean:] Polish them up. What time is it?
[Raymond:] Just stick to Fisons shoes anyway.
[Jean:] Oh I know, yeah. Platforms.
[Raymond:] Who is it the gi, there are fourteen sizes there
[Jean:] Oh!
[Raymond:] you see. washing them. You may as well let him get the use of them.
[Jean:] They
[Raymond:] Why don't you get them for school for him?
[Jean:] Oh right enough. They'll never balance his foot on them.
[Raymond:] Exactly! Exactly!
[Jean:] And to one of them parents who
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] Thir thirty three.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] That's what I would say.
[Raymond:] I put them away.
[Jean:] Oh! I'll knock out all my polish here and put them away and knock that off.
[Raymond:] Aye. Polish them up. Cos that is, cos that's just a better idea then.
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] So he gets
[Jean:] And... the day before Wednesday these... and it's her... bread hasn't arrived with them. Because her bread won't come.
[Raymond:] I know.
[Jean:] Something like that I'm sure.... [cough]... Gotta make sure the alarm goes off.
[Raymond:] That's okay. Where's the cigarettes? I better be sure it's er, what Friday night cos I did before. Are you not sitting down son? I'm off to get totally pissed! Oh! You're going to get pissed!
[Jean:] It's quarter to ten.
[Raymond:] What do you want? Can I have er... are worse things to do than getting [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] Now... Now that's not nice!
[Raymond:] Jean. I mean, if you stay sober.
[Jean:] When?
[Raymond:] You can join your Boy Scouts.
[Jean:] He's a lonely
[Raymond:] Give us a light Jean.
[Jean:] but just, he needs a wee drop
[Raymond:] Give us a light.
[Jean:] of drinking.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... So wha what did he say you had, a... was it a high temperature you had and that?
[Jean:] No, he took a sample of urine and that. Brown shoes.
[Raymond:] Do you wanna see them?
[Jean:] They'll do for best won't they? and back now.
[Raymond:] Jesus! He's only worn them in! I don't think they'll fit Willie but... they're too tight for him. All they need is a, a lick of polish.
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Now... no more lies for them it's... Oh you better get a big sheet of newspaper.... [whistling]... How do you feel Raymond? I'm okay lying there. Knackered? No, not tired now.
[Jean:] Them two standing at the top of the stairs... and
[Raymond:] Oh aye, aye, aye! Let me, come here Jean, let me see! They're Willie's.
[Jean:] I know.... But Willie... I'm rubbing these down.... and erm... he's doing us a favour... and some round to get Patch... and er... he said he'll get lots... That's all ready for Simon now and he forgot his bag....
[Raymond:] What are the T-shirts like Jean?
[Jean:] [cough]... There's a black one and a special one.... Right.
[Raymond:] You better get a sheet of newspaper Jean, old newspaper because that'll fly all over the floor.
[Jean:] I don't know. I don't notice it. Does it say there?
[Raymond:] What th what is it?
[Jean:] Oh it's just the Express but
[Raymond:] Today's?
[Jean:] Well it is, ah.
[Raymond:] [sighing] Oh []! I was down at the library today.
[Jean:] Were you?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] And I bet that'll never do it for sta too long.
[Raymond:] On the T tonight it says there was a man started... who started... only started to do the pools, Raymond... er, six months ago
[Jean:] And he won.
[Raymond:] won... two million! A record two million! What, in the name of Jesus, would you not do with million?
[Jean:] Aye.
[Raymond:] You know what I'd do Jean?
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] First of all, I would er... buy a chest freezer... then I would
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] go to the supermarket and I would bung it... of the best of stuff. Then I'd go down the town... buy us all clothes... then, you and I would go out for a private dinner Jean.
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] And I would buy you the most
[Jean:] Elegant.
[Raymond:] er, elegant piece of jewellery that I could find. You deserve it! Putting up with us all these years! Damn little money! And then we'd all go on holiday. Then, move house.
[Jean:] And would you be able to do all that then?
[Raymond:] Out of the ghetto. Ah?
[Jean:] Would you be able to do all that?
[Raymond:] With two million? Oh, four times over!
[Jean:] You always hear about these stories but never seem to happen to anyone.
[Raymond:] The man wants to remain anonymous, and quite right! Do you think I would, wouldn't put an X on a football coupon... maybe they do. I must start.
[Jean:] Oh it's
[Raymond:] Your life would never, your life would never be the same, but Jean yo yo you live in this country, you live in dilly forever. Get nothing. If I found you'd won a hundred thousand pound I'd kidnap you! [tv on]
[Jean:] Do you want a cup of coffee son?
[Raymond:] Alright.
[Jean:] Cup of tea dear?
[Raymond:] Er... yeah, please.... Jean.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] There was a programme on [LAUGHTER] today... you'd have loved it []! It was about... an old people's home
[Jean:] Aye.
[Raymond:] but they were all stars... er, in their day, you know? Stage and screen, you know, and radio?
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Ah God! Some of them were a sorry sight!
[Jean:] Oh God!
[Raymond:] It was very sad. Yeah, one of them's... I think she was in her... early eighties... she, they put on a Christmas party and she sang. It was good!
[Jean:] Hey?
[Raymond:] I enjoyed it.
[Jean:] Ask Raymond if he wants... one sugar, or two sugar in his coffee.
[Raymond:] One. One he said.... What's down there? I don't know. He's gonna get himself killed. Was Micky in work today? Ah? Do you work with him? Aye. Did you tell him you weren't too well? Oh aye. That's a stupid advertisement! He'd give up his job for a pint! Aha. Pint of beer! Jesus! What he's gonna get on the dole money, he'll not drink too much.... What you ask yourself is Raymond, how long does it take to charge up again. I know. Probably overnight.
[Jean:] There you go.
[Raymond:] Thanks love. What's... oh!... Is Benny Hill on tonight?
[Jean:] No, was he not on last night?
[Raymond:] Oh maybe he was. No, tonight he's on.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Tonight he's on. What time's he on at then? Jean, er what... where's the paper?... Right! [sigh] Says it's on, on at eight o'clock. it's on. Is it?
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Sa ah June... twenty seventh of Januar er September. Oh, I'll have to see
[Jean:] Erm
[Raymond:] that. Go down and saw it. Lovely! He's in films. Yeah. He is.
[Jean:] Mm. Very nice.... No it's not on now... eight did you say?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] Go back. Mm?... Eh! Get down.... Is the tape on?
[Raymond:] What? He's not on tonight. Benny Hill.
[Jean:] No, the Benny Hill, and that was on last night.
[Raymond:] Well why didn't we see it?
[Jean:] Must have been watching something else. What tapes are there?
[Raymond:] What time is it? Half eight?
[Jean:] Twenty five to nine.
[Raymond:] Alright. Well near as be damned.... You can turn it on to your... B B C two, they wa there are, says a programme on a... a thing out of humans, about soul.
[Jean:] The soul?
[Raymond:] A soul.
[Jean:] That's nice.... Mm.... Was Karen staying late Friday night?
[Raymond:] They were. They were indeed. There's a couple gassed themselves, and their son in their car... because their dog died! Fucking stupid
[Jean:] Oh dear!
[Raymond:] are they? Bastards! Fucking killing the child with... cos of stinking dog! As much as I like dogs, I wouldn't do that.
[Jean:] Jasper and Jennifer and... the dad had their new car and... it was coffin car. And there's a car for towing caravans and. That's sad! I hope my headache doesn't....... [yawning] Yeah, wait for me too, ah? []. [yawning] Oh []!
[Raymond:] [sighing] Urgh []!
[Jean:] seen the shower?
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] Right.
[Raymond:] I didn't love.... There's an writing in the paper beside it... her daughter's pregnant by her boyfriend and she's pregnant by her daughter's boyfriend too!
[Jean:] Ooh God!
[Raymond:] . Dipping the wick! Dirty fuckers!
[Jean:] And she's
[Raymond:] The daughter sh she was lonely... she left the er... the girlfrie her her daughter's boyfriend threw the leg over. Right? And now she's found that her daughter's
[Jean:] Pregnant with the same man.
[Raymond:] Same man. Now what would that be? She's aunt and uncle and their aunt, and mother and oh the fuck! I don't know.
[Jean:] I don't know!
[Raymond:] Granny and
[Jean:] She's granny and she's mother.
[Raymond:] Well she's a mother there overnight, she's granny to the
[Jean:] Daughter's child.
[Raymond:] I don't know! So
[Jean:] And they have the father... of the two children.... Is there anything else on then? Or. Mrs.... Dunno how Maggie first sat down with him.... Ooh this is a horrible programme!... [yawn]
[Raymond:] We always think with religion. [cough]
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] We always think
[Jean:] That's not your, how do you afford so many holidays? It's now fourteen holidays. Sure they cannot take one big er, holiday.... Ah?... Then you owe me so many hours don't you?... Was Carolyn there?... What?
[Raymond:] in yesterday, but he phoned up and says er, I don't really want her to go. Who? Aye. She's the one who lives down Latlogan doesn't she? Caroline had a stroke too. That's the hundredth stroke she's taken!
[Jean:] Is it a te, is it a?
[Raymond:] Remember Joyce? Lived in Brown Square.
[Jean:] Ah!
[Raymond:] She's went to about ten granny and granddad's funerals! You get sacked after, I think, about the, the ninth or tenth one!
[Jean:] Well I can't understand it, because erm... you get, now he's getting paid... and I'm scared to ask for another day!
[Raymond:] Cos they're after him. They're after him.... Maybe.... [sigh]
[Jean:] Maybe that's who they're against or something.
[Raymond:] What? Oh aye! Batteries!... Bring us two out.
[Jean:] Right.
[Raymond:] Or... oh no that's a different box. That's the wee stand, remember me to give that back, it's the stand for the mike.
[Jean:] Where are they?... There's the thing there.
[Raymond:] Kelly said today that our... that daddy had a, a book... you know, about Northern Ireland guest houses and all where to stay, you call it.
[Jean:] Mm.
[Raymond:] Says he's taking you away, aye. And I says well... is he gonna stay overnight, you know, with these two? She says aye. She says get him, get him to take your mummy. Hope he doesn't want me to traipse about with Lisa.... Now, next day, er Thursday I'll bring them up here Jean. Take them to the park.
[Jean:] And we're gonna be, he's on the earlies next week, and the following week.
[Raymond:] He's on the early next week.
[Jean:] That's what I mean. But, George is off Monday and Tuesday but... so if you were getting them, sitting here and bringing them up on Thursday... John can come here and get his tea here and then take them home.
[Raymond:] Aye, but I'll have to go down next week because they're off school.
[Jean:] That's what I'm telling you! On the brew day you could come up.
[Raymond:] Bring them up, yeah.
[Jean:] And... I'll get their
[Raymond:] And I'd say to John
[Jean:] tea and John could come up here and get
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Jean:] them and then take them down.
[Raymond:] Yeah.... I wonder, is he trying to get her back into the house and she doesn't wanna come back.
[Jean:] Well, that's alright. She's just have to
[Raymond:] Is she, she's in the
[Jean:] ask Graham, you see, if
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Jean:] she doesn't wanna, she'll find
[Raymond:] But if she
[Jean:] her way again.
[Raymond:] Yes. I understand that. But if she's living with someone else... how does she explain her absence... the weekend she goes to John?
[Jean:] Unless she says she going to so to go over and spend a weekend now and again with her kids but er... that sounds right.
[Raymond:] Aye, but
[Jean:] And he doesn't be there.
[Raymond:] But, I, what I can't understand is, why all of a sudden does he want her back and see the children, well for over a year he kept her away? Told the children lies.
[Jean:] Unless he doesn't know she living with someone.
[Raymond:] You know that saying Jean? No. Oh what a tangled web we weave... when first we practice to deceive.
[Jean:] What's that?
[Raymond:] This dog here's taking over this house!
[Jean:] I know.
[Raymond:] John's dog's not too well.
[Jean:] No?
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] What's wrong with him?
[Raymond:] He's very listless. I said to Kelly Ann today, maybe it's fucking, erm sorry, maybe he's dying. Cor! I shouldn't have said it.
[Jean:] Sure Brandy's fighting.
[Raymond:] I was telling Stephen today the story of a... did I ever tell you?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] Did I ever tell you Raymond? My first job driving a lifting in the Harrow Street? No. There was a Mr and Mrs, Stephen was... and there was a Mr and Mrs, the caretakers, and they lived in the third floor of a flat there. And, the first day I started... right enough, they were awful kind, awful kind... they were English people, I think. They were. He had a bad arm. But anyway, er... [LAUGHTER]... well I'd, God forgive me! [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] He's laughing, the boy! Raymond's jumping about laughing!
[Raymond:] [cough]... I dunno, er yes, I was eating jam, bread and jam today. And anyway, the first day... she gave me... right enough, she came round every morning... with my breakfast... and brought it into the lift for me. But, the first day she gave me... bread with jam and butter on it. Now, you know I can take jam or butter
[Jean:] But not butter and jam.
[Raymond:] That's the most revolting taste! And instead, [LAUGHTER]... instead of telling the woman... I... I pretended to eat it... couldn't finish it... I put it down the lift shaft. See?
[Jean:] Oh Christ, no!
[Raymond:] The next morning the same thing happened... and I still hadn't the courage to tell her. Cos I was that grateful for her, you know, making it.
[Jean:] Ya.
[Raymond:] Jesus Christ, Jean! You wanna have seen the butter and the jam, and the smell of it! I can smell it now! Oh God! But anyway... this went on for weeks and weeks, and I kept on it down the lift shaft. Instead of taking it out to the back and throwing it in the bin.
[Jean:] Mm. Or you could
[Raymond:] Right.
[Jean:] keep it in your pocket and take it home.
[Raymond:] Never thi never thinking! The lift shaft was about... three foot deep. Sorry! Th the the well of the lift, you know from the... er,ju, when you went to the bottom floor
[Jean:] Aye, at the bottom, right.
[Raymond:] I would say there was a drop of about three feet, right? Down. So anyway, after fucking weeks and weeks and weeks... I had come out to me one day, and Mr came out and he said to me... he had a wee bucket and shovels and he says er... bring me down to the first floor... so I opened to let him out and he gets out and he says to me, now take her half way between the first and second floor and stop her. [LAUGHTER] And I says okay, but why []? He says I'm gonna clean the lift shaft.
[Jean:] Oh!
[Raymond:] Well Holy [LAUGHTER] Jesus []! Oh God!
[Jean:] Clean it?
[Raymond:] He says, I clean it every now and again. People throwing, you know, cigarette packets and all down it. Oh my God! So when I couldn't say a word, so he was able to open the lift door, you see, from outside.
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] The lift was immobilized. Once the door was open it couldn't move, so I couldn't go down on it. Well he jumps down into the fucking lift shaft and he slipped on i oh eh well you fucking bastard you! You bastard! Honest to God Jean!
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] He slipped on the jam and the bread... and the butter.
[Jean:] Must have been bloody moulded and everything.
[Raymond:] Bloody moulded! Jesus
[Jean:] Oh hell!
[Raymond:] Christ! Oh my God, Jean!
[Jean:] What did you say?
[Raymond:] What could I say? It came up on his elbows and all, and his trousers were covered and there's bloody jam, er this concoction! Oh Jesus! Jesus!
[Jean:] That's terrible, isn't it?
[Raymond:] No, they were, they were awful kind. I forget what I said to them but the they forgot, the next, I don't think I got a bit of grub ever, since then.
[Jean:] Do you blame them?
[Raymond:] Not until he left.
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] But I... it was only butter and the jam today that er,thi this came into my head. Oh my God!
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] That was nineteen fifty three. This is nineteen ninety two. And I, every now and again I'm embarrassed by it. Every now and again I think about it... and I'm deeply embarrassed.
[Jean:] You should be. After doing that to her cooking!
[Raymond:] Jean. When he slipped in that... muck... he could have cracked his head against the side of the lift shaft! And I couldn't have been, I couldn't get out to help him... I was stuck between the first and second floor! Well I took it up about six or seven feet, you know, from the ground floor.
[Jean:] Mm.
[Raymond:] When I say the first floor, I'm talking about the ground floor and the first floor, you know?
[Jean:] Drink your coffee lovey.... [cough]... [yawning] [].... Well in that today he says er... when I seen the syringe coming out I just, I'll not be in the room if he's getting injected.
[Raymond:] I wouldn't have let him give it to me. Remember the time I took to vertigo? And the minute he walks through your bedroom door, I says no. I don't want any injections. I was in the toilet, giving him a shot, and... I come back in and he just stuck in the syringe, there was nothing you could do. Did he take a sample of urine away?
[Jean:] No, he went out to the car and brought my cards, he said he'd got it in my notes.
[Raymond:] Oh! And what did he say?
[Jean:] He says his urine was alright and his was al
[Raymond:] Oh well, that's good.
[Jean:] alright. But he said there's all
[Raymond:] Oh! He won't take a breakfast in the mornings any more. He goes straight to work.
[Jean:] And th, and then he said talking about putting weight on nearly.
[Raymond:] What did he say?
[Jean:] He asked, erm has he put any weight on? And I have said yes, because... there's a couple pairs of his trousers... has ripped because he has put weight on.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Jean:] But he didn't say anything when I said he has put a bit of weight on.
[Raymond:] Raymond. Drink affects us all different. There are no two people affected by drink... the same way. I know. Now we're all individuals when it comes to that. Now, you could be one of the people... that drink harmed quicker... than maybe, say... or maybe I'm... ta injured quicker than you with drink. I mean, there are people who can drink va vast quantities... never seems to affect them. They're up like a lark the next morning. Jesus! Me, like I mean, that's got now, my age, I'm not fit for three days! Well, for two days anyway. But, it's possible... that, the same amount of drink, two people drink, taking the same amount of drink... one is affected more badly than the other, or worse than the other. Yo it's possible you could be one of those. So you wanna be careful, like. There's no way, Raymond, you should be able to drink... two or three of those bottles o of that cider... in ne in the one night, it's not good for you! Or vodka either! Well you, you don't drink that amount, but you know what I mean. Stop,. Jean I'd love a vodka now! I'd a love a vodka and coke! I'd give al almost anything.
[Jean:] Would you now?
[Raymond:] I would sell you!
[Jean:] You would sell me?
[Raymond:] No, I wouldn't. I'm only, you know I'm only joking.
[Jean:] There er, there is none in the house
[Raymond:] I know there's not, maybe that's why I've... Where did you get that lemonade up the stairs Raymond? Mm?
[Jean:] It's finished. The cider, it should be ottoman?
[Raymond:] Inside the ottoman.
[Jean:] Did you get a bottle? I didn't think
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] I get a bottle of that.
[Raymond:] No, no. Raymond said to me the other day, I asked him was there any lemonade? And he said yes. He went up and got a bottle of Sasperella he said to me there was two bottles left. So when the Sasperella was brought down, that was at the end of it. And there was two bottles
[Jean:] Yeah cos you had the rest of the orange?
[Raymond:] No I didn't! I got no orange Jean!
[Jean:] I gave you a drop... about that much
[Raymond:] Jean, you didn't! You didn't! You didn't!
[Jean:] Yes, I swore to God I did!
[Raymond:] Jean you didn't!
[Jean:] Raymond I did! You asked me for that?
[Raymond:] Oh yes! I remember.
[Jean:] I said yes, and I gave
[Raymond:] I
[Jean:] you some.
[Raymond:] I beg your pardon. I beg your pardon.
[Jean:] That pup's, I think that pup's absolutely taking over this house!
[Raymond:] I like that dog. Last time there is the same thing as last night, they've lost someone as well.... You had a good day in?
[Jean:] Mm. They gave him a good, and he looked over his chest and his heart and... er, pulse. And his urine and everything. Then they took your temperature.
[Raymond:] I noticed you called him Chris again.
[Jean:] ... I said you're on cars again John.
[Raymond:] Ah.
[Jean:] Is your man talking that's in that big programme?
[Raymond:] No.... What are the teachers trying to tell you here?
[Jean:] No! It's certainly got the right ones there.
[Raymond:] He's not getting it! Willie
[Jean:] Aye
[Raymond:] Willie is
[Jean:] Willie.
[Raymond:] got a few clothes and... the better. Let the dog out Jean if he wants out in the back. Jean, the Golden Girls are coming on.
[Jean:] Okay.
[Raymond:] Jean! I'll fix that up for you. The Golden Girls are coming on in about... what? Ten minutes? I'll see to that.
[Jean:] Can you make... or what was I saying? Is that right?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] I need one pound for the bus fares. And thirty P for the paper.
[Raymond:] Thirty for the paper and
[Jean:] But I think so then.
[Raymond:] That's twe, that's three twenty for
[Jean:] Mm.
[Raymond:] today.
[Jean:] And it's... twenty P... eighteen, seventeen, be enough for
[Raymond:] Right.
[Jean:] But you'll have to... before... a day.
[Raymond:] It's only because you didn't tell your bloody brothers!
[Jean:] Anne. She's the only one. And then... having to actually pay us again.
[Raymond:] I don't know what's wrong with this paper, this pen won't write on it. I know. Hang on.
[Jean:] Did you say I've done wrong then Raymond? Like I say something then?... Ooh, there's not shine in
[Raymond:] That's nonsense isn't it?
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] I would get a better, I'm not saying I'd get a better shine than that. I would have them like shoes.... Turn that over to... on your way past to four and I'll make you a cup of tea.
[Jean:] Can I have, erm, I can't go up the stairs yet.
[Raymond:] [mimics dog barking] woof woof! [dog barking] [LAUGHTER] [dog barking]
[Jean:] He took a front page off that. [dog barking]
[Raymond:] [mimics dog barking] woof woof!
[Jean:] ... Fucking mad!
[Raymond:] Ah! We can't all be sensible!
[Jean:] Woof, woof, woof, woof! It's alright when you're going down, you spoil them and I say woof, woof, woof!
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] And then you see that.... Just a li little arm in there. Look! Suffering Jesus Christ and... [dog barking] Not wet? [dog barking]... He should be there every time cos she's gonna be out with the kids and all....
[Raymond:] No, I can't get up.
[Jean:] Well where is she?
[Raymond:] Oh!
[Jean:] She must have came here to... [LAUGHTER] just number ten so far [].
[Raymond:] Lie down!
[Jean:] This is like
[Raymond:] Oh we didn't phone yet. We didn't book the leg of lamb.
[Jean:] No. I forgot how many we got round here
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] because we needn't to sit them down.
[Raymond:] It's just that er
[Jean:] I'll tell her anyway otherwise we might have the sack.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] That we couldn't get out. It's the truth.
[Raymond:] Oh there's a skip outside Mo's tonight. Wasn't there till this morning.
[Jean:] Oh!
[Raymond:] Skip outside Mo's with all the burnt stuff in it. I complained. [dog barking]
[Jean:] After a, by the time you get off it was alright wasn't it? Aye Brandy, I know what you want... Ah! What you gone, right in the hole? The door's open!
[Raymond:] He wants you pat him. [dog barking]
[Jean:] Did you, did you have a new tape in? [dog barking]... Not for sweeping.
[Raymond:] Will you piss off! John was home before seven tonight. And I got the book it must have a bus... you know ano, another, an extra bus on because he was allowed to get off at the... tonight. I think it's the last one, as I said. I was expecting to wait till about a quarter past seven. What you playing at? What are you saying? [dog barking]
[Jean:] [singing] It's hard... to be... a woman. To just one man [].
[Raymond:] [whistling] What do want mum?
[Jean:] I don't mind... Do you hear thunder?
[Raymond:] It's that... got your feet on the dog, it's stinking!... You wanna smell their dog. You wanna smell their dog.
[Jean:] Why?
[Raymond:] It's stinking!... And I mean, stinking!
[Jean:] She's grabbing you, put her down.
[Raymond:] Mind her tail. [mimics dog barking] woof woof! [dog barking]
[Jean:] Come away from that.
[Raymond:] Why don't hear this programme Jean.... [cough]
[Jean:] This was done years ago.
[Raymond:] I've no idea.... I meant to say Jean, you know the motor
[Jean:] You told me about the motor.
[Raymond:] we'll just say that Kerry and Sandy will be coming to collect it. What?
[Jean:] [dog barking] [tv on loud] Then, a couple of minutes.
[Raymond:] Thank God for that!... Alright Steven? ... I'd like to go on there. It's the only way to be Steven.
[Jean:] No, you're alright, sure.
[Raymond:] This is great! Ooh! Er!... I've been drinking vodkas all night. Mind you it's Patch!... Simon must have bought me about five vodkas! my throat. Thank God I missed myself. Friday night. Took seven or eight. My God!
[Jean:] Raymond would be on his back!
[Raymond:] Eh?
[Jean:] He'd be on his back if he'd had that amount of drink.
[Raymond:] Drink makes me very tired, yeah. I'd have, I'd have about fifteen or fourteen I'm, I'm knackered now! Just fall asleep.
[Jean:] I wouldn't try and to go and fall asleep.
[Raymond:] What? You won't believe it! What's that?
[Jean:] Aha. That's a damn nuisance and all too!
[Raymond:] Where's the now?
[Jean:] She doesn't have to come inside. Right next to daddy there. Right Kerry! Take care love!
[Raymond:] Okay Kerry? See you later!
[Jean:] See you in the morning.
[Raymond:] Yeah, cheerio!
[Jean:] Cheerio! Well, cheerio!
[Raymond:] Do you reckon, do you reckon she'll be alright? Better start walking there now, takes a bleeding hour to get [LAUGHTER] round there []!
[Jean:] Why, where does she work?
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER] I dunno []! God knows! That's what I mean, I've gotta go out with the chippie van. [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] Johnny never went
[Raymond:] I dunno! [LAUGHTER] You, you gonna hide them shoes?
[Jean:] Well I'm not
[Raymond:] That'll be in there and give him a bit of encouragement.
[Jean:] And the er, I should think... I said, er Ray... they're going
[Raymond:] What?
[Jean:] They're going away.
[Raymond:] Ooh! They got to go out tonight. I was standing there the other night Aye, I know. saw her go past me up the street. She didn't? What was she doing? Kept fucking, blowing her fucking hair or whatever it's called! It's called
[Jean:] My darling looks like that from half past seven onwards.
[Raymond:] I didn't even talk with him. [LAUGHTER] You bad boys!
[Jean:] Said she's been
[Raymond:] Oh aye, she's a... lesbian in it. I think.... This was on before.... Mm mm.
[Jean:] Do they know she's
[Raymond:] Mhm. The ma does. Is it you that's got a paper? Dad? So,? Oh it was great! Mm. Well that's nice is it?
[Jean:] There was a bit in the box.
[Raymond:] It's empty.
[Jean:] I bet she's eaten it!
[Raymond:] But it's empty.
[Jean:] Does it matter if she took it?
[Raymond:] Not at all. Only children.
[Jean:] That if she's... I bet she's eat... the chop's in her mouth.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] Raymond please take that off!
[Raymond:] She's talking to me there... so I have to. Well there you are.
[Jean:] Know where you're going?
[Raymond:] Aye. Faint heart never won fair lady. True. Where is this road? Chip wagon? I think, yes, I have to go to the chip wagon. Wherever that, Are you going? Aye.
[Jean:] I know where it is.
[Raymond:] What? I just follow the nose. Not at all! Not enough bank notes.
[Jean:] Oh!
[Raymond:] Don't forget he's in the Go on the trams. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]... He's in love! He's in love! Leave him alone! I'm not in love. I've never been in love. Well, once.... But, she's not gonna be wearing that
[Jean:] He loves his mama.
[Raymond:] I know. Well, it's not that either. Jean. Been in love once. I had, aye.
[Jean:] From Ireland?
[Raymond:] No, she were an English lass. But she bit me!
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Glad I kept a straight face afterward.
[Jean:] And where you going?
[Raymond:] Mm. So er... she's on trial.
[Jean:] saying if our dog's on trial that's all.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... See you later.
[Jean:] What that, where you're, don't let them get out!
[Raymond:] I'll leave it till then.
[Jean:] Okay.
[Raymond:] That looks better.
[Jean:] Are you sure?
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Jean:] Oh no! You might them down on this.
[Raymond:] Oh yeah, I know. She's fallen, she's fallen for the grey woman.... Patch!
[Jean:] [yawn]... With Rose? Which one's Rose?
[Raymond:] The one that's [LAUGHTER] always talking about her young day []!
[Jean:] Oh about the farm one?
[Raymond:] Yeah. Aha.
[Jean:] See, I was talking to Steven and I got lost.
[Raymond:] Yes, I understand that. Where's the dog?
[Jean:] Dunno.
[Raymond:] Raymond, you're like... something out of the Wizard of Oz! With that hair! I feel it! [LAUGHTER]... [whistling] [whistling] You said it'd be all, where is he? So I wonder where William is? I suppose so, if one stayed.
[Jean:] It's only half ten.... We'll have to get the girls back, Steven.
[Raymond:] It will... it will cost money. There's a wee square... I dunno what you call the material, bakelite or whate, not bakelite, it's a... it's for use in electrical insulation... and when you... it's cracked I think, it's not the grill, the wires of the grill... the actual... Patch! I thought John says all [shouting] Johnny, get that dog down []! I thought John says all you have to do is replace the grate and No. It's, the thing that you push it into, the two prongs will do.
[Jean:] It's something else.
[Raymond:] No, the two pro, the thing that the two prongs sit in... is cracked... so naturally... say it had to go into a hole that size, right?
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] And then, each side of it's making contact... and it's gone into a hole that size, and it's moving... it ain't making contact. He, bet you he's got toilet roll up there!
[Jean:] Well I'm not going up!
[Raymond:] [shouting] Patch []! He's most probably waiting. It's not like that er, T V dog you see where... big string of toilet roll, it... and it maybe in fucking pieces! Stop that Brandy! Patch! Patch! Patch!
[speaker008:] He's up here.
[Raymond:] Is he with you? [whistling]... He's in our room Johnny. He's not with you at all. Come on Patch! Come on! You turned into a rabbit Johnny? Come on Patch! Come on Patch! Come on!
[Jean:] And I want their names. Go and ring that up. [dog barking]
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... Patch! [growling at dog] Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!... This time last night... I was in bed.
[Jean:] You should be in bed now.
[Raymond:] [whistling]
[Jean:] Raymond. Will you take the big one?
[Raymond:] Do you want out Brandy?... Patch! Stay there! Stay there! Come on Patch. Er, Brandy.... I should have taken you a walk tonight. Eh? Come on up! Come on! Get up!... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]... Danny Thomas is a man.... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Hiya William.
[Kylie:] Hi. Alright now?
[Jean:] Try them on.
[Raymond:] Where were you William?
[Kylie:] At er...
[Raymond:] Well did you go there again Billy? You're not twenty yet.
[Kylie:] Did you see Q E D?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] Mm.
[Kylie:] This guy wasn't it?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Kylie:] [LAUGHTER] Scared if I get to my bed []! He must have thought he was dog cos you see him sniffing round. Or doing something, then he leapt over the camera.
[Raymond:] Mhm.... What sort of a game's that? Sure, I didn't know him you see.
[Jean:] That's
[Raymond:] You're telling lies!
[Jean:] They're gone.
[Raymond:] Will you give us it up. I can't, look at the dog, Jean!... Jesus! So it is.
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] And it's general knowledge.
[Jean:] So?
[Raymond:] It's not a game. What's that? Where's you answer the questions?... Like. you're right.
[Kylie:] No they're not. Like, you want them, bloody take them!
[Raymond:] Where did you get?
[Jean:] So they are.
[Raymond:] Did they pick you already? And you wanna see a few t-shirts. Look at her! And you'll have to thank Sylvie. Just say a wee thanks very much. What about that?
[Jean:] Now if you think they're too tight... I bet your come right out and rip them and come out over
[Raymond:] Good.
[Kylie:] Alright.
[Raymond:] Good. How long have they been on you? They're a great shoe aren't they?
[Kylie:] They are. These are the one, mum I wanted you to get?
[Jean:] I know what you're gonna do with them.
[Kylie:] Keep them for school.
[Jean:] Right. Your boots, or your braids, and them white ones for... try the other one. One foot's bigger than the other. Try the two of them on.
[Raymond:] Oh Christ! She's sleeping in her room. See the woman had to get the alarms. Mhm.... Have you the two of them on yet?... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]
[Kylie:] That's er... foot must be smaller than the other.
[Jean:] What?
[Kylie:] This one foot, they must be than the other.
[Raymond:] Yes, that's probably so. Is it too small for you?
[Kylie:] No.
[Raymond:] Are they comfortable?
[Jean:] Right, honest to God Jonathan, they aren't. I can feel it, that there.
[Kylie:] Gotta get used to them though., it's.
[Raymond:] No, say! He doesn't want them and he's not getting them! I don't want them! Aye!
[Kylie:] They're too tight.
[Jean:] That's your daddy's feet with a
[Raymond:] You never look a gift horse in the mouth. I think they're alright lovey. I don't think they're too tight at all.... See Steven?
[Kylie:] Aha.... Daddy. Can I listen to one of them conversations?
[Raymond:] There is no conversation son.
[Kylie:] That's
[Raymond:] No.
[Kylie:] mainly on
[Raymond:] It doesn't matter.
[Kylie:] Get her off me! You're scum!
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kylie:] Oh eh! Do you know when this arrested?
[Raymond:] Tonight, yes.... What bread's there? Well I moved it... ah?
[Kylie:] That's brown.
[Raymond:] Ah, but what about the morning?
[Kylie:] I don't take out any.
[Raymond:] No, but I do, and your mummy, and Raymond going to work.
[Kylie:] Two, four, six.
[Raymond:] You take two rounds Willie. And there's a bit of ham left.
[Kylie:] Where?
[Raymond:] Where the tomatoes are. Don't take it all.
[Kylie:] That is still leaving six.
[Raymond:] Well then, if you take two and that'll leave us six. I want half of that ham left.
[Kylie:] [whistling]
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]... Mm mm mm.
[Jean:] Do you want thin or sli thick slice of bread? Do you want two rounds and... thin ham would be lovely!
[Raymond:] Well I won't be too happy if there's no bread.
[Jean:] Well what... do you want?
[Raymond:] What?
[Jean:] Would rather have erm erm, prefer scrambled egg and... toast?
[Raymond:] Jesus! No, we'll leave it till the morning.
[Jean:] but you haven't gotta get
[Raymond:] [singing] Da da da ah ah ah, da dee []
[Jean:] Is there no biscuits in there?
[Raymond:] Not in the wardrobe.
[Jean:] I asked John. given him Thursday.
[Raymond:] Mine. I'll,he let you have a couple.
[Jean:] Please.
[Raymond:] There's one packet of er
[Jean:] Well I'll let you. I'm not starting the box.
[Raymond:] Well you, hold the dog up here in mid air.
[Jean:] No, I can't do that.
[Raymond:] I'm only joking! You sit there and I'll get them.
[Jean:] I don't want any.
[Raymond:] Balls! Did you watch Inspector Morse as well? Parts of it, son. Shame about the stupid didn't think it just happens. Aye.... Tell me, where did er... James get the tape? Neil? Sorry, Neil. Sorry! Well... do you know... what brought, brought it up about computer games? We were playing his tonight. Right. And I was looking through the videos there. Go on, have one he says.... they got videos for nothing. Did he say where he got it? But er... he's, er he was playing with that the other day. With the one Ah! and that's probably what he said. Mm.... The dog's dreaming.... [sneeze]... Get them?
[Jean:] No, I'll just get them.... Look at the bloody dog!
[Raymond:] What? Dreaming. Found them?
[Jean:] Shall I sit on the dog?
[Raymond:] You what mother? Not much to let down.... Willie the dog is getting to me.
[Kylie:] What er
[Raymond:] Every single, first night then, then Willie?
[Kylie:] Who?
[Raymond:] ... But it wasn't to be.
[Jean:] What's wrong?
[Raymond:] ... It's her.
[Jean:] Why?
[Raymond:] It's that Angela is it?
[Jean:] You seem to able to go in there. They went to the back of the programme there.... Just do me a boiled egg... and, and a round of toast an... And like most of the bedroom
[Raymond:] What's that?
[Jean:] They're coming off.
[Kylie:] Come beside you.
[Raymond:] That's right. Come here! Here! Here! Come here!
[Kylie:] or sleep.
[Jean:] What'll be best to do? I heard a certain story that you got a girl pregnant?
[Kylie:] No, she wasn't, alright, it was alright.
[Jean:] Well son... I... love this!
[Raymond:] Don't touch it! Don't touch that, Brandy now! Brandy!... Whoop! Dog! Shouldn't be ne Yeah. don't even touch it! Dog's a Ruined all, they are.
[Jean:] I'll wring your neck... for you! That dog's
[Raymond:] That dog looks... What?
[Jean:] ... That's Raymond's, yeah?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Kylie:] Thanks.
[Raymond:] Speak English William, for Christ's sake! Mouthful of food!
[Jean:] Go away rat pack Patch! Go on!
[speaker008:] I didn't know, I thought Lennox Lewis was finished with his boxing career, was he not?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] I dunno. I don't understand it, so I don't bother Jonathan.
[speaker008:] Is he knocked out?
[Raymond:] What do you mean?
[Jean:] [yawn]... Mike Tyson too.... [belch] Pardon me.
[Raymond:] Johnny, what did you think of that fight earlier on?
[speaker008:] Who?
[Raymond:] Foreman!
[speaker008:] Crap!
[Raymond:] What?
[speaker008:] Well Lennox Lewis... his boxing career has finished, no?
[Jean:] He's a big boxer now isn't he Jonathan?
[speaker008:] What?
[Raymond:] Shaun!
[speaker008:] What?
[Raymond:] Shaun!
[speaker008:] I said who!
[Raymond:] We're trying to get a conversation out of you and you're grunting!
[speaker008:] I says, aye!
[Raymond:] Oh, that's a conversation, yeah!... Got a problem?
[Jean:] Mm.
[speaker008:] Who?
[Raymond:] There's no problem at all.
[speaker008:] I know there isn't!
[Raymond:] So tell me, you went to see this girl?... I got another tape for the computer.
[speaker008:] What do you call it?
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... There's no problem Johnny! It's just normal. I won't, I can't understand what it is, but it says general knowledge. Do you wanna try it? There must have been a series, general knowledge three that's
[speaker008:] I want to watch the
[Jean:] Mm.
[speaker008:] football fir I'm watching the boxing first!
[Raymond:] Is that Mickie Duff, the promoter?
[speaker008:] Aye. He's got bother with the police.
[Raymond:] Turn it on, see what it does Willie.
[Jean:] Aye, go under the stairs.
[Raymond:] I'll try it in the morning when yous are all in bed.... I don't want anybody trailing... at the back of that television with that new ariel lead we got put in! Which I'm not paying for any more! [cough]... Right! Ten, twenty, thirty, forty... no it's not enough. I think it's about fifty odd quid to get a remote control set... a remote control handset.
[Jean:] Thirty five
[speaker008:] Well let me see that stammer.
[Raymond:] . There's a new one there.
[speaker008:] This is!
[Jean:] Have you missed, you didn't seen your daddy have you, tonight?
[Raymond:] Er, give me a bit of rest, the thing will only answer, burn out.
[Jean:] Well, get her down again until Jan
[Raymond:] Up!
[Jean:] And bring her home again
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Jean:] if she's
[Raymond:] Come on Patch! Come on! [clicking tongue]... Come on! Patch! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on girl! Come on! Come on! [dog barks]
[Jean:] She's up all night with the
[Raymond:] Come on! [dog barks] [belch]... Excuse me.
[Kylie:] [LAUGHTER] Who's []?
[Jean:] He's lovely!
[Raymond:] When you see Neil tomorrow ask him does, does he know anywhere we can buy some of them tapes second hand. The A C twenty.
[speaker008:] You just want any tape boxes?
[Raymond:] You're gonna have to watch Jean, if anybody offers you them... that you haven't already got them.
[Jean:] I know that.
[Raymond:] We're gonna have to take a list... of what we've got, and if we ever see an advertisement and we're gonna buy them, say oh no, I've got that one and that one, and that one, and that one.... But I've now taken this out tonight. Yeah, I expect that Johnny's, do you ever do any?... Where's the matches?
[Kylie:] Does a dog carry around diseases?
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Kylie:] Dad, you see for my... no, I don't suppose there is any. Look.
[Raymond:] Well if I get those because I walk, the way I walk wears the front of the soles of the shoes down.
[Kylie:] Right.
[Raymond:] Right? And I can't afford it.
[Kylie:] Can you put them on the back of that shoes?
[Raymond:] Not rubber soles.... Not rubber soles. It's out of time son and... leave it. You're gonna have to buy a pair of cheap shoes, to save those when you go in church.
[Kylie:] That's okay.
[Raymond:] Can't afford to get them... soled and heeled all the time.
[Jean:] Yeah. Your dad has to sit and polish his shoes anyhow.
[Raymond:] Patch!
[Kylie:] Those ones?
[Jean:] Aye. The tan ones.
[Raymond:] Put them down son.
[Kylie:] Well I'm only looking!
[Jean:] See when you get them socks off then why don't you throw them in the bin. Please....
[speaker008:] Do you wanna stick that tape on Willie?
[Kylie:] No.
[Jean:] Kerry was saying last night she's choosing tuition.
[Raymond:] How many does she take? Is it one a week?
[speaker008:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Or two a week?
[speaker008:] Ah? Normally a Tuesday night.
[Raymond:] Just one a week. Did you hear me boy?
[Kylie:] Couldn't I put it on?
[Raymond:] Gee! I told you not to! Here, wait a minute! Here son, here. I'll turn this off.
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] Er Right for the girl. All of this. Now, anybody comes in can see it's going. Fuck's that?
[speaker008:] It's er... it's a like a... it's like a... it's like a... you put sa
[Kylie:] You know that's puzzle master don't you?
[speaker008:] Oh yeah it's meant to be in the end there.
[Kylie:] It's a puzzle master!
[Raymond:] Well we'll see! Please stop now!
[Jean:] Alright!
[Raymond:] Now don't let's go... o overboard here... at this time of the night.... Come on Patch! Come on up. Up! Come on. Come on Patch.
[Jean:] from you.
[Raymond:] Alright Willie. Put your tape machine back in the thing.
[Kylie:] What?
[Raymond:] The tape thing.
[Kylie:] I'll put it back tomorrow.
[Raymond:] Put it back on the television. You won't Johnny?
[Kylie:] It always says error and two, four, seven, why's that?
[Raymond:] No it doesn't.
[Kylie:] Mm.
[Raymond:] It only does error for something wrong with the machine. The game's over. When you pull this out... and it goes the next time... start it... turn it over, rewind it... to the front. Just turn the machine right o tape right over... and use the other side. See what happens. And you'll need that machine there back a bit from the television as I've already told you. Aye, it's moving this. Now all you gotta do is to move, that's right!
[Kylie:] I'll just move this.
[Raymond:] No! Now don't look funny now Willie! And stretching it
[Kylie:] I'm not being funny!
[Raymond:] and stretching it like that.
[Kylie:] What?
[Raymond:] You're very unpleasant when you're like that boy!
[Jean:] They know how.
[Raymond:] No they don't. That's the terrible thing Jean! They think they do.
[Jean:] That's what I meant.
[Raymond:] There now, stop it!... Just stop your tape first and er... turn it over to the other side first. Turn it round. Now wind it back.
[Kylie:] I wouldn't do that. I wanna see what's on the other side.
[Raymond:] Right now.
[Jean:] Very clever!
[Raymond:] No Willie! Stop it! That's right.
[Jean:] Does this play in Neil's house?
[Kylie:] I don't know.
[Raymond:] No, he hasn't got a machine that cuts out.
[Jean:] Try and stop it.
[Raymond:] See what I mean?
[Jean:] That's going on.
[Raymond:] Excuse me. See what I mean, the other side was alright.
[Kylie:] Johhny look! soccer outdoor loading. Oh yeah.
[speaker008:] Has it done the mountaineering one?
[Raymond:] Yeah. I'll
[Jean:] That one.
[Kylie:] Patch!
[Jean:] Where's the paper?... with Arthur Ash with AIDS. I'd be really frightened. With all the
[Raymond:] Well how are they gonna know? What is it doctor said? Tell him to come back to him or
[Jean:] Well you can take yourself to hospital.
[Raymond:] But did the doctor say he'd come down and see him
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] in a couple of days anyway? Right.
[speaker008:] I wish they would
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus Christ! We've ourselves in hospital. and peace and things and the poor people who died as well. Raymond, I know all about it son.
[Jean:] Right. I think I'll after... tomorrow afternoon. Have you eaten them sweets?
[Raymond:] No. Ha! And he can't get up you see.
[Jean:] He don't.
[Kylie:] Well, he needn't, I mean I would have stayed in bed.
[Jean:] Really?
[speaker008:] Looking at his chest, looking at his chest it upset me there. And he was only gonna say nothing.
[Jean:] If I were you I would woke up today and all.
[speaker008:] He told me, like, I turned round and says have you left them on?
[Jean:] I know.
[speaker008:] He's left them on fourteen odd hours and they'll be running out.... I can do that tomorrow night.
[Raymond:] Jesus Christ Almighty Johnny! Can you not
[Jean:] What's all that for?
[Raymond:] tell her what you have!
[speaker008:] I told her!
[Jean:] That's your bus fare down the road to buy nothing!
[Raymond:] Johnny, you'll not get
[Jean:] That's what you'll get.
[Raymond:] a job son sitting on your arse! Or in the club playing snooker. He says that he'll be able to have that one it work and I'll work for him tomorrow. Och! Now don't be silly It's true! Raymond please! But I, don't know why he says that. Good job he's not insured for it.
[Kylie:] What'll you do now daddy? How does it work?
[Raymond:] Aye.... Turn the machine off quick! Will you just let it go, it's still loading. William! Turn the machine off!
[Kylie:] [tut]. It's still loading daddy.
[Raymond:] Turn the machine son.... William, put it back to yo you had it back there, the far side, put it back. Right now. Now, wind it back. Now you try and break that again son and I'll put a foot in the back of your head! It's as simple as that. You get irritable at this time of night when you get tired and you get ill mannered, and I don't like it! So go to your bed if you can't behave normal.... [sigh]
[speaker008:] He... ha!
[Kylie:] It's not even rewinding that up.
[Raymond:] Well then it's rewound isn't it?
[Kylie:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Then press them two buttons whatever you do.
[Kylie:] I just
[Raymond:] There's an error.
[Kylie:] That comes up as waiting because it's not the right side.
[Raymond:] [cough]... [sniff]
[Jean:] Whoever's on the phone?
[Raymond:] Oh God, Jean! Will you give it a rest love! Please. All for a game.
[Jean:] Did you hear daddy up at half five this morning?
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] Talking to your dog.... You're a bad dog! Yes!... I never would have messed about.
[Raymond:] Right, up! Sit in the chair. Touch nothing!
[Jean:] [yawn]
[Raymond:] I should fucking try again.
[Kylie:] Turn it on a sec. Just see if I
[Raymond:] Where did you get the tape? His mate Neil give it him. He found it amongst his own but he doesn't have a V A C... No.
[Jean:] See it's a soccer one.
[Raymond:] Alright, just a minute. Just a minute. Hold on now. And now it goes up again because... there's a V A C Onyx standard, that's an Onyx standard machine. And there's a V A T, V A C twenty expanded... which has more gadgets on it. That may be a expanded game. Which we haven't... got that, the equipment for.
[speaker008:] If we... but which programme have we got?
[Raymond:] But that. I might be able to put an ad in the paper for them games. You wanna see the games they've got for sale in London... at Christmas and I haven't. Right. This looks quite good.
[Kylie:] Do you know what they're doing up at... er
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Kylie:] see for ninety, you can borrow a sixteen bit Sega... and get three games with it. Up at... for five pound a night.
[Raymond:] Right. Oh I know that.
[Kylie:] And for, over a weekend it's a tenner.... Shit! Th and it has the best graphics.
[Raymond:] Yeah, but
[Kylie:] Play the games.
[Raymond:] Right. Wait a wee second.... Wait a minute. We'll see.
[Jean:] Does he always come round in the morning then?
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] ... Well... some gave me five... and. Just to the
[Raymond:] It's down the bottom Aye.
[Jean:] They say it's only available for
[Raymond:] Well maybe he can't drink Jean. Well you don't know, to some people fifteen vodkas is nothing.... It's gonna show error again.
[speaker008:] Well that's not very good, ours.
[Raymond:] Well no. But then you seem to have graphics on, graphics on it... don't you?
[speaker008:] Yeah well I bet the Sega's the best graphics.... Graphic is like...
[Jean:] The Sega do you get there, is that the one?
[Raymond:] That one... over there. Again, error comes behind it.
[Kylie:] Did error come up and all and that?
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Kylie:] Oh, when the tape's showing, stopped?
[Raymond:] When the tape's stopped, that's right. It wasn't.
[Kylie:] It's tur, no, I think I know what it is! Don't stop machine, machine at all... turn the tape over... and just press play.
[Raymond:] No, you can't do that love.
[Kylie:] Sure, but with Neil's you can.
[Raymond:] Can some of the... can some of the games... let's say there's a, one side isn't playing, and try the other?
[Kylie:] Well, we haven't got the case, so try it now.
[Raymond:] Well who said And some of the games are very slow.... I must say Jean, you didn't do a bad job for woman!
[Jean:] I only wanted the job. You said that was the one you polished again for me.
[Raymond:] Shut the right door Willie. Easy!
[Jean:] Oh it's easy. Mm.
[Raymond:] Please, we're gonna sit here all day.
[Jean:] [yawning] No [].
[Raymond:] I didn't see Willie impressing the new girl.
[Jean:] No, just... to to tonight because... I came. Cos we knew it was Claire.
[Raymond:] I remember my first computer. It got lost. sad.
[Jean:] And you'll have to keep them, I mean can't spend out money for... it's the truth though.
[Kylie:] Do we get our Easter eggs on Monday?
[Raymond:] I'm sure you won't.
[Kylie:] Have you got me one?
[Jean:] Yes. I got us one each.
[Kylie:] ?
[Jean:] Just an... ordinary Easter egg.
[Raymond:] Er, you'll have to see what happened. There it is, the machine's stuck.
[Kylie:] Turn the tape over.
[speaker008:] Aye, just keep
[Raymond:] Well not till I, we'll wait and see what happens now.
[Jean:] The tape is loading
[Kylie:] It's not gonna show anything until, until
[Raymond:] It's alright William!
[Kylie:] you've scanned it.
[Raymond:] Okay William. It's only a game.
[Kylie:] A clue.
[Raymond:] Oh we never had to do what you're saying in any other games so why the hell should I have to do it now?
[Kylie:] Cos some games are different.
[Raymond:] Och! You're balls!
[Kylie:] Aye. Alright. That's lovely!
[Jean:] Gerry getting married
[Kylie:] You all insist that I know nothing but nobody else can do this.
[Raymond:] It's okay now son. It's okay.
[speaker008:] Won't you get me any on Monday?
[Kylie:] Don't know whether I'm gonna get you any this week.
[speaker008:] Yeah.
[Kylie:] And you didn't do last week. So you didn't do it anyway.
[Raymond:] Where are you getting the money Johnny for... these jacuzzi?
[speaker008:] Must do Monday night.
[Kylie:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Is Willie going back down there too?
[speaker008:] No!
[Kylie:] Where's Johnny's?
[Jean:] No?
[speaker008:] So he has to get four fifty every Monday?
[Kylie:] Aye.
[speaker008:] So how come you had nine pound last week?
[Kylie:] Because we had the from that Johnny.
[Jean:] He means, normal... are you getting your twenty?
[Kylie:] That's right.
[speaker008:] Well why don't you use your head and go and do them yourself?
[Jean:] The good thing so we'll overlap.
[Raymond:] He does. You never do windows on your own.
[speaker008:] I thought I'd get a
[Raymond:] Oh I know you would Johnny.
[speaker008:] So you never do them.
[Kylie:] Daddy.
[Jean:] What about you and Micky or do you go?
[speaker008:] No I don't.
[Jean:] Do you not, do you not want to every week?
[speaker008:] No.
[Raymond:] Jeez! Don't you be telling us Sunday night, or Monday night during the week haven't done... or not.
[Jean:] No, they're
[Raymond:] See you tomorrow boys.
[Jean:] Mm.
[Raymond:] I'll go down the road. See before yous go out. Go through your drawers and anything you don't need bring them down and throw them in the bin.
[Kylie:] I'll give mine to Steven.
[Raymond:] Far too big for Steven at the moment son. And he's got plenty. Throw them out. And, you see that wardrobe William!
[Kylie:] Aye teacher!
[Raymond:] William and Johnny!
[speaker008:] Yes, alright.
[Raymond:] You see the wardrobe in your room?
[speaker008:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Anything there too old, coats, anything that's left on the floor, old boots, shoes that you... too small for you... throw them in the bin. Now, when I look in the bin tomorrow I wanna see something... to tell... [whispering] [].
[speaker008:] It's mine.
[Raymond:] Now, what'll we do with you now?
[speaker008:] Swapping?
[Kylie:] I'm gonna get those what do you call, er...
[speaker008:] Turned,te, turned over. And then there's
[Raymond:] Right
[speaker008:] everything else.
[Kylie:] Er, what?
[speaker008:] Just do it like erm
[Raymond:] Straight up. Say, okay I'll do that.... How do you know it doesn't start up again? Go onto there. Be ever so careful.
[speaker008:] Well you, and hit it with your. You've.
[Kylie:] Oh that's alright then, you're wanted upstairs.
[Raymond:] Nothing. Yeah.
[Jean:] Just nothing happens to it. I'll be
[speaker008:] Get it on there mother.
[Raymond:] [whistling]
[Jean:] That Ten happens to be... on Friday night.
[speaker008:] I'm going out.
[Jean:] Not this Friday night, next Friday night. Suddenly it's
[Raymond:] You're not gonna be able to enjoy it, but I'll tell you that every... week.
[speaker008:] But so it is. I'll be here.
[Raymond:] Johnny... this' ll be [LAUGHTER]... Sure! [whistling]
[speaker008:] Let's have a look.
[Raymond:] [whistling]... [cough]
[Jean:] Can I have a new chair?
[speaker008:] Yeah, like it's staying out here.
[Kylie:] Sh, got it on?
[speaker008:] Sure! I can, I can get more money next week like that didn't it? Oh yeah?
[Raymond:] [whistling]
[Jean:] Do you know what... yous two fucking remind me of Kerry and Steven. Just see Kerry and Steven the way them two go. They talk.... I was hoping I could have a...
[Raymond:] It's far too long now.
[speaker008:] I can't help it.
[Jean:] Does that mean I'll never play that?
[speaker008:] No.
[Raymond:] I wish I hadn't started. It's replaced all the... it should be. Oh no. It's right to the end. Okay. The things are still going. Raymond, that's this machine son. You're watching the machine.... Right. We'll try this again.... Now look, it does play. Press play... er... right! Whoop! Error.... [whistling]... Turn the tape. Play. Play.
[Jean:] I hope the won't be long tonight.
[Raymond:] Play.
[speaker008:] [whistling]
[Raymond:] Ah!
[speaker008:] First of all the coming down.
[Raymond:] What?
[speaker008:] It's okay.
[Raymond:] What don't?
[speaker008:] I remember you saying.
[Raymond:] I don't know anything about it son.
[speaker008:] Something a... about a precinct or something.
[Raymond:] Our Price.... but I didn't say anything about precinct.
[speaker008:] Precinct thirteen.
[Raymond:] Mhm. Well then in thirty five years open the precinct thirteen now. That's all.
[speaker008:] Any good?
[Raymond:] Yeah... it's alright.... What are you doing William?
[Kylie:] Ha? I'm just warming up.
[Jean:] Are you okay?... You didn't bring your bag did you? And take it out.
[Kylie:] Sorry?
[Jean:] Can you go and do your bag and some What?
[Raymond:] Right. Now that doesn't happen. [cough]... Okay? So we'll... leave this bit.
[speaker008:] Can I have a go?
[Raymond:] Right.
[speaker008:] Come on! Well pick them up!
[Raymond:] Give me two minutes Johnny, and we'll put it on for you... at last!
[speaker008:] I've gotta rush upstairs!
[Kylie:] Stay here and see if this works Johnny.
[speaker008:] [yawning] Oh right [].
[Raymond:] There you are. That was quick.
[speaker008:] Sure hope... so.
[Jean:] Is it there?
[Raymond:] It wasn't Johnny.... Whoops! Where's the error, there?... Well let's ease her down. There you are love. [belch]... Mm mm mm.
[speaker008:] I think I'm just gonna be a Jack Russell!
[Kylie:] It's not going very good.
[Raymond:] It's not?
[Kylie:] No.
[speaker008:] Well then it's veering right and then going... just sitting.
[Raymond:] Right man.
[Jean:] Shouldn't.
[speaker008:] So what's the use of that handle?
[Raymond:] [whistling]
[speaker008:] [singing] Rum da dum dum dum []
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]... Well that's why I did it in the morning Jean.
[Jean:] Oh right. Okay.
[Raymond:] Goodnight son.
[Jean:] Away and get me... a couple of
[Kylie:] [singing] Rum da dum da da [].
[Raymond:] Get them out there though Jean.
[Kylie:] Da er er
[Jean:] No I think I might in the box. Just joking!
[Raymond:] Shut up your mouth Willie now!
[Jean:] John!
[speaker008:] You know he bites back.
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Kylie:] There's one of those
[Raymond:] Set it up there.
[Jean:] Brandy! Move out the hall. Come on.
[Kylie:] It's got the thing
[Raymond:] It was up to eighty odd. That's eighty minutes.
[Jean:] And check out one of them...
[Raymond:] That goes up to eighty odd.... Right, that'll do it love otherwise you'll be there all night darling. You know like, put it... compare it with your money.
[Kylie:] Not a lot left.
[Raymond:] Listen son, now just, just open that door there! Wait. And jus just do it son. Go easy. And go and do that and get away from what's going on.... Why do you have to stand two foot away from it?
[Kylie:] Dunno.
[Raymond:] Here William! Come here! Sit, and hold them. Settle down!
[Kylie:] I can't do it!
[Raymond:] Son, settle down.?
[Kylie:] No.
[Raymond:] Go to bed! Go on! Get out! Ah soon you'll be to your money. Go into bed and watch television up there. Right son?
[Kylie:] Right.
[Raymond:] I don't like to go off Jean.
[Kylie:] I wasn't doing nothing though.
[Raymond:] Get up to bed!
[Jean:] Go up in our bedroom. I'll tell your daddy again.
[Kylie:] I bet
[Raymond:] Go right along.
[Kylie:] [mimicking father] Go off to bed now []!
[Raymond:] Cheeky bastard!... I don't like putting coal in here. Then at night just firm it please Jean. I'll be out all day. No messing!... [shouting] No messing []!... Cos you know, I think we need our chimney cleaned up. I do that. It smells really clean. Cos every time you open that door there's bound to be... that's stinking then!... Get someone while I'm not here.
[Jean:] Well and he wants popping round when there's nobody here and then I've left some for half an hour.
[Raymond:] What did you say? No. That's the end of the tape. There's nothing happening Raymond. The tape's still stopping and it keeps loading. This one does.
[Jean:] Well, it's twenty five to twelve!
[Raymond:] It is indeed.
[Jean:] Take a spoon up and get her to take her medicine.
[Raymond:] On your way, even get through that cup and plate in son? Where? Up, over near the sink. Right. I will try that tape in that morning. Night then. Night son, night.
[Jean:] And see how you are. Feeling better tonight? Then you'll have to come ho home again
[Raymond:] It's up to himself. Just keep that on until that's all. I'd have said there's enough there wouldn't you?
[Jean:] Mm. Yeah.
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus! Oh fuck! Why is it sitting there love? Oh that tape's going, so that's alright. And to do... say one, two, three's done. Right? One, two, three is done. That's one... two... three... and then, including number four, aye. Four... have to use that one, okay? Do that in the morning.
[Jean:] Where are they? That is ano another one to be done. It's the er
[Raymond:] That's Shaun, you can hear her talk. Oh that's right. [tv on]... Watch the dog behind you. Jean, did I ask you if you were going to John's tomorrow?
[Jean:] I said no.
[Raymond:] That's good!
[Jean:] Friday, I'm going.
[Raymond:] That's good!
[Jean:] Are you going to an early on Friday?
[Raymond:] Patch stay there.... William
[Kylie:] What?
[Raymond:] is your friend coming for you this morning?...
[Kylie:] I've to call for him at half ten.
[Raymond:] What?
[Kylie:] I've to call for him at half ten.
[Raymond:] Half ten, right well I'm going soon.
[Kylie:] Okay then.
[Raymond:] It's twenty past, I've to get the bus.... Jean... Jean... I have to go now... it's half ten now.
[Jean:] Mm right.
[Raymond:] I was up the park this morning with the dog.
[Jean:] Were you?
[Raymond:] Mhm. I'll have to go now, honestly. I slept on the settee down there, I fell asleep....
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] What?
[Jean:] Is away to work?
[Raymond:] Yes he's away to work, yeah. Could you give me my bus fare Jean, please?... And Willy's to call for his friend, look at that... rip that up Willy.... I was up the park this morning Willy at half five.
[Kylie:] Yeah?
[Raymond:] It was, tell a lie, sorry half six.... Lovely it was. Where you going Willy?
[Kylie:] What?
[Raymond:] Where you going?
[Kylie:] Dunno....
[Raymond:] Ask the wee fella does he know anybody that's got one of those er VAC twenty computers.... That must be an expanded one although, although the case would have told you that... He seems a pleasant wee fella that.
[Kylie:] He is....
[Raymond:] You in the bathroom Jean?... It's alright I haven't even got breakfast yet. You know the trip to the park this morning? I, I had the rest of that Yorkie Bar, the last of it, couple of squares.... Won't go far on that.... Okay son, behave yourself.
[Kylie:] I will....
[Raymond:] up the park Willy?
[Kylie:] ?
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Kylie:] ...
[Raymond:] ... [filling kettle]... [sigh]... [shouting] Patch stop that scratching []... [sigh]... You've had your food.... [sigh]... Jean do you want a bit of buttered soda?...
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] Do you want a bit of soda buttered?... I don't know wh [sigh]... [shouting] Is that about a job []?
[Jean:] Comic Relief.
[Raymond:] Oh for fuck, tear it up. Comic Relief. Come in here a minute Jean.... What love?... Oh Jesus. When that goes cold, okay?... Where are you Jean?
[Jean:] Here.
[Raymond:] Come on give us a hand here....
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] [sigh]
[Jean:] You what?
[Raymond:] It's difficult to tell sit there. I'll go and get a couple of mats....
[Jean:] What's she sitting there for?... Patiently waiting the day.
[Raymond:] nothing, she's had her food.
[Jean:] Oh
[Raymond:] give her a wee drop later Jean cos she'd a good walk this morning you know... and er... now those Bramleys up there, okay?
[Jean:] Right.
[Raymond:] So... [sigh] I have to
[Jean:] She knows
[Raymond:] No no, I know that. you know?
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] Anyway, right... the park was lovely this morning.
[Jean:] Was it nice?
[Raymond:] It was.
[Jean:] Was there many in it?...
[Raymond:] Out of the roa [shouting] out of the road Patch, move over [].
[Jean:] There wouldn't have been many at that time in the morning.
[Raymond:] Well the point about it is, the greyhound men
[Jean:] Aha.
[Raymond:] well their dog's off you see and... they've gotta be careful
[Jean:] Yes....
[Raymond:] that... and you know dog... okay?
[Jean:] Yes.
[Raymond:] [whispering] []... and er... if they come off the leads you see
[Jean:] Yes....
[Raymond:] I let Brownie out... went up the back... and there was Brownie in the Malone River... [talking with mouth full]... then he saw me so no lead with me
[Jean:] And did he g
[Raymond:] Mhm
[Jean:] did he go along with you?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] That was good then.
[Raymond:] The two dogs had great fun....
[Jean:] What's she eating?
[Raymond:] What?...
[Jean:] Patch [shouting] stop that. Put that down []....
[Raymond:] There was ice on the seats in the park.
[Jean:] cigarette please, was there?
[Raymond:] Mm.... Ah... Raymond must've took some....
[Jean:] More than likely has.... How does he feel this morning?...
[Raymond:] Well I asked him was he alright and he said aye, and then I fell asleep, I've been sleeping from after eight... twenty past eight. The er... I took the binoculars up this morning.
[Jean:] Did you?
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Jean:] See anything?
[Raymond:] No, I looked for rabbits and squirrels, I could see nothing.
[Jean:] Was there a mist or anything? No?
[Raymond:] No it was nice now... but I had to sit like that with my arms up my sleeves. Bit bitter cold....
[Jean:] cigarette...
[Raymond:] I would say... it wouldn't matter what time you went up the park there'd be somebody there.... But it was lovely. It's the best time of the day to go up when there's nobody.
[Jean:] I'd imagine there'd be people maybe... down and outs maybe tramps sleep in that park with newspaper round them or something....
[Raymond:] There you are. You should've heard the different birds.
[Jean:] Lovely.
[Raymond:] [cough] But I c er I only see a blackbird, that's all, two blackbirds... three.... But I could hear the rest of them.
[Jean:] Mhm....
[Raymond:] That dog had the microphone in his mouth.
[Jean:] God save us all....
[Raymond:] Mhm....
[Jean:] To me she looks very thin even though what we're feeding her.
[Raymond:] Well it may be that type of a dog Jean. I mean look at, look at Brownie... and look at, and John's is a fully bred thorough or er... a pedigree labrador. She's more fat than a chip and he's feeding her tons of stuff.... [sigh]... Right would you give me my bus money please and whatever you're giving.
[Jean:] Well that'll do....
[Raymond:] I hate this babysitting job Jean.
[Jean:] I know John.
[Raymond:] Och I hate it.
[Jean:] What can I do?...
[Raymond:] Well I said I would do it and I'll do it, I won't let them down, I'll never let them down but... Ah... bring us number seven out of the... [cough]... seven [cough] good God... bring me number seven... [sigh]... [belch] excuse me...
[Jean:] John are your brushes down here?...
[Raymond:] What time is it love?... Oh fuck... shouldn't be here. and apparently... the clothes are very cheap in it, and the shoes. Now if we could get down there I could ma what did I tell you?... I could maybe get you a cheaper pair of trainers right, but good ones... right? Och well I don't know about what na good ones anyway, and maybe get you a rugby jumper.... That would be a surprise for your da, wouldn't it?
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Raymond:] Well would you like that?
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Raymond:] And even carry on and get her a wee jumper. What do you
[Stephen:] No
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] Second hand or what?
[Raymond:] Bloody new.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Second hand!... ?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Well it all depends on where it's going. There's some goes to Armagh, Craigavon, Seymour Hill, Conway Estate, Portadown... and the Faulkner base.
[Stephen:] runs that way, runs that way and they grabbed her. Eh?...
[Raymond:] Cos the poor old dog's never out, that's why.
[Stephen:] Kelly
[Kelly Ann:] and then she'll start running away Stephen. She will....
[Stephen:] She will, she's gonna be big Kelly, and she goes, she goes half way up and run down, back then
[Raymond:] I know that.... I know that, and it's not right. Ah!... They could take you out.
[Stephen:] Saturday morning.
[Raymond:] Mhm Mhm. Mhm. [whistling] I tell you what we'll do, what about this... what about this... if the messages are a bit late today, right, and we've gotta go to er the court to pay the money and the... shop to get your shoes... why not, if when the minute the messages come, go straight up to Taughmonagh right? I'll be down early in the morning, right, and me and you and Kelly Ann'll head out early in the morning... and pay the court and get the new shoes... and we'll have all morning to do it, eh? And then we can just saunter back here, how about that?... Well what about that?
[Stephen:] What?
[Raymond:] If Stewarts are late in coming with the messages
[Stephen:] Yeah
[Raymond:] we'll go straight up to Taughmonagh... go down the town early in the morning and I'll take you to the shop where they maybe get you a rugby jumper Mhm. Whatever yous want, it's up to yous, if yous want your shoes today I'll get them but... I was thinking... if we'd've went down the town today
[Stephen:] this has to be in.
[Raymond:] Oh sure we'll, alright, well we'll do it. What time is it to be in at? Er what day?
[Stephen:] Thursday
[Raymond:] Today?...
[Stephen:] by Thursday the sixteenth.
[Raymond:] Oh that's today, right.... Right. Right. Right.
[Stephen:] See you must have all these
[Raymond:] That's alright, well... we'll do it this morning, are your socks clean now if you're gonna take off your shoes to get them, try them on? Do yous know what size of shoes yous take? Yes.... You're losing weight Kelly Ann. You're looking well.
[Kelly Ann:] See Stephen.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Kelly Ann:] He says this morning I was putting it on.
[Raymond:] No you're losing weight. You're growing you see. That's why you've lost weight, no no no hold your stomach in you'll hurt yourself.
[Kelly Ann:] I bet you when I grow up I'll be tall
[Raymond:] You probably will.... Don't be all day up there.... [whistling] Good dogs now away and lie down over there, go and lie down... lie down. [whispering] Jesus Christ []... [humming] [whistling]
[Stephen:] Can I go through the front door like that?
[Raymond:] Aye. Oh Look at that... there's a woman goes to help her dead husband right?... And now she's lying dead herself. look at him kicking her... dirty bastards aren't they?
[Stephen:] Where are they?
[Raymond:] Oh away in a foreign er Yugoslavia or Serbia or somewhere.
[Stephen:] Frank Bruno
[Raymond:] Aye. Mm... He'll kill Bruno next week.
[Stephen:] Eh?
[Raymond:] He'll kill Bruno.
[Stephen:] See the fight last night?... If Frank Bruno wins...
[Raymond:] Good dog Sara, aye you're a good dog, yes, you'll go out in a minute, yes. Yes you'll go out in a minute, to to Stephen, go to Stephen.... Lie down.... What?... Well?...
[Stephen:] Well well well.
[Raymond:] How many wells make a river? Your big head would make it bigger. [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] [cough]... I wish Stuart was here....
[Stephen:] Can you not write from around... from ten, nine o'clock?
[Raymond:] [sigh] You could write on it any time but then you're just sitting in all day....
[Stephen:] I
[Raymond:] No er nine, it's ten no it's eleven to twelve... and twelve to two... and two to four isn't it, and then four to seven thirty... isn't that what it is?
[Stephen:] No it goes on
[Raymond:] No it doesn't go on and on....
[Stephen:] Yes
[Raymond:] ... Is the table top er... cleared in there?...
[Stephen:] Not yet.
[Raymond:] come on, come on, come on... Kelly Ann, here.
[Stephen:] ...
[Raymond:] Shut the door.... What?
[Kelly Ann:] Are we putting them away?
[Raymond:] Yeah oh we'll have to put them away. We'll all
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] we'll all er do our bit. Right now,
[Stephen:] Cos we, we we know where to put them now.
[Raymond:] Right. Frozen stuff first.
[Stephen:] Frozen stuff goes in the freezer.
[Raymond:] Right. It would hardly go in the bathroom.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Right, come on just lift them out, what's this? Burgers
[Stephen:] Burgers
[Raymond:] yes they're nice. Right. Chicken fillets, oh lovely, ooh... right. Bacon Veg... veg... veg
[Stephen:] Veg
[Raymond:] What?... Oh yes
[Stephen:] Veg.
[Raymond:] Ah... and I tell you daddy you never keep, and your mum that you never keep What? Oh that's lovely, you can keep that in the fridge. Good. strawberry, right. What's this? Biscuit tin, Right milk
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Milk []
[Raymond:] milk...
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Raymond:] What have you got? Streaky bacon.... Do you like streaky bacon?... Right...... Erm hold on a sec, what does it say now?... That's okay, there's a sauce......
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Uncle Raymond []
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] Look. [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] Aha. Right, who's gonna get a? I'll have to bank the fire up. What's this here, rubbish? another bag. Butter in the fridge, excuse me... is there another bag out there, box out there?...
[Stephen:] No er
[Raymond:] That's the lot, right. Now... them... they have to go down... sauce up here... you've got no tinned stuff, no?
[Stephen:] No.
[Raymond:] Right, oh for God's sake.
[Stephen:] We did!
[Raymond:] Jesus, ... dog food goes there...... in the fridge...
[Stephen:] [shouting] You don't need to bank the fire up, I've []... Oh here's the dog food.
[Raymond:] Right put the dog food there.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] Right
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Stephen:] [shouting] That's our rubbish bin [].
[Raymond:] There's your rubbish then. What the hell do you want a rubbish bin for when you've got a bi a lovely big wheelie bin out there? And it'll save that corner, it'll make it look nice. There. too lazy to take it out. You come on. the wheelie bin.
[Stephen:] dog doing up here?
[Raymond:] They're just sitting there.... Look, here, there you go, right? Everything's in, all the plugs off... right, you get, you get the plates...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [lots of noise like water running; speech unclear]...
[Raymond:] Well come on, we're wasting time if you want your shoes. Come on.... Alright, that's off, it's alright, no it's. Here... right. Right now... Stephen hang your cups up and put the knives and forks away... while I sort this out....... There's nothing wrong with it for God's sake.... And see if daddy wants what?
[Stephen:] I don't know how you
[Raymond:] Well, well that's okay then. You know yous wanna get what we used to have in our house?
[Stephen:] What?
[Raymond:] You get wee hooks and you hang them up and they stick there right, and just put your cups on it in a row and it gives you more room on the table.
[Stephen:] Have you got them?
[Raymond:] We used to have, years ago. Right now, lock the back door. Oh I need to go to the toilet, hold on.... ... they're nice. No they're a bit you know long for her but they're the same size as she was wearing Jean and the other ones were too narrow for her feet. got one pair.
[Jean:] Oh I thought you said
[Raymond:] One...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] How does it work Stephen?...
[Stephen:] I think you put, right pull this back
[Jean:] Well it's
[Raymond:] All the best. And where do you put it?
[Stephen:] Put the see where the, that wee mark is?
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Stephen:] Put that in there
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Stephen:] and
[Jean:] Oh Willy's away to swimming with
[Raymond:] Who is it?
[Jean:] That wee lad, and then the one from called about two o'clock he says... I says he's not in so and I says he's away to swim or something... what time did he go at? I says he's only away about ten minutes.
[Raymond:] Where'd he get the money?
[Jean:] He says that wee boy, I don't know....
[Raymond:] I'll when I see him. I... Did you put in the... there?
[Stephen:] Ah
[Raymond:] Oh you cock it first.
[Stephen:] No...
[Raymond:] It goes into there?
[Stephen:] Yes. I'm just...
[Jean:] Is she feeding her? she's not giving her veg to the dog.
[Raymond:] [shouting] Are you feeding the dog []?
[Kelly Ann:] No....
[Raymond:] over to the right... or left? There's my last one
[Jean:] They're all
[Raymond:] No....
[Jean:] Johnny sat there and cut the cake there, what did she do? Lift the cake with her teeth and then ...
[Raymond:] I got the bus down to Shore Road
[Jean:] Did you?
[Raymond:] and then... we walked from there round to the court... from the Shore Road and then well I stood...
[Jean:] Not open?
[Raymond:] Mhm.... It's a big store Jean but I mean er they had lovely prints in it... that big, you know
[Jean:] Aye
[Raymond:] that's the only shop we went to. We were in Castle Court first, it's a nice place... if you wanna see a big military prints sixty nine sheets, Jesus.
[Stephen:] Patch! Patch!...
[Raymond:] ...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] Is John coming up here then?
[Raymond:] Mhm.... What are you doing Patch? Eh? What are you doing?...
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] Are you not supposed to cut it first?
[Stephen:] No you do whatever you want
[Raymond:] Oh can you?...?
[Stephen:] Ah Patch Patch leave it....
[Raymond:] I'm gonna tell John his was six pound... and Kelly's was seven.... That's thirteen and the five for me for... and then the bus fare... Where's Raymond away to?
[Jean:] I just took his overalls in, he's doing some painting he says he's finishing the.... And he says, he says, I says don't
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] otherwise he'll get the sack, and I says... John I says it's all. I said he knows he's in the wrong... and he's being nice to the other two because they're not present.... I says it's only for to keep your name right.... And if he's working with you see, I says keep that short
[Raymond:] Hope he's not going for any drinking.
[Jean:] I says and stay at home, don't go for a drink. I says if you want a drink you can get one and have tonight, but don't go over there looking for a drink.
[Raymond:] Where's Johnny?
[Jean:] Johnny and Len's away playing golf.
[Raymond:] Johnny and who,?
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Stephen:] Yes!
[Jean:] And he said he would bring the mince in to do the, like give them the money for a pound of mince... and a packet of
[Raymond:] Is there any bananas left?
[Jean:] ... And he's
[Raymond:] What can I have to eat love?
[Stephen:] Look Jean, look at that one....
[Jean:] [yawning] Well [] few rounds of bread.
[Raymond:] Is there any in the fridge or are they all away?
[Jean:] I don't know....
[Raymond:] Good. What are you doing Kelly Ann?
[Stephen:] I had the back one up in I had the back one that one.
[Raymond:] Oh.
[Stephen:] I had the back one... first, the back one...
[Jean:] What are you doing Patch?...
[Raymond:] There's a big crowd in the town.
[Jean:] Is there?
[Raymond:] Didn't we see the, the, the man collecting the stuff out of the bin,
[Jean:] God help him.
[Raymond:] God help you want to have seen the size of him and how young he was.
[Stephen:] [yawning] Was he a tramp []?...
[Raymond:] Does it work well... your game?
[Stephen:] supposed to have
[Raymond:] Let me see.
[Stephen:] . I can't get.
[Kelly Ann:] You're not meant to have it filled, it's a water game...
[Raymond:] Well maybe they do. You don't have to have it all filled right up
[Stephen:] Er you take out alright just that and lea keep that in...... I've just got...
[Raymond:] Pull that yellow thing at the top back towards you.... Now it'll work....
[Stephen:] Ooh.... [shouting] Eh? I never [].
[Raymond:] Don't want a cigarette love? [whispering] []... Think you're supposed to fill it up to that mark Stephen says....
[Stephen:] ...
[Jean:] Our Johnny said he'd be back at quarter past three....
[Raymond:] Ah you've them too far
[Stephen:] I haven't.
[Raymond:] Alright you haven't.... Is that now better?
[Stephen:] It is... so I'm just putting it in half now.
[Raymond:] Kelly Ann would never admit she's wrong you know.
[Jean:] No, she
[Raymond:] ...
[Jean:] Did you go to Stuart's this morning?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Indeed.
[Jean:] What are you doing Patch?... You're a bad dog.... What are you doing?...
[Kelly Ann:] I'll
[Jean:] Play with Kelly.
[Kelly Ann:] [LAUGHTER]... Let's go and see if...
[Raymond:] What er... I'll make a cup of tea now eh?
[Kelly Ann:] they're not working.
[Raymond:] Are they not?...
[Jean:] Why are they not working?... [shouting] Kelly [].
[Kelly Ann:] [shouting] What []?
[Jean:] I'm rolling up these things in case the wee dog gets them....
[Raymond:] Jesus!...
[Jean:] [yawning] []
[Kelly Ann:] ...
[Raymond:] Yes there was a good crowd in the town.
[Jean:] Was there?
[Raymond:] There was.
[Kelly Ann:] A good crowd?
[Raymond:] Good crowd.... Want your dinner Brownie? Eh? Well he needs
[Kelly Ann:] Pardon?
[Raymond:] a good brush.... [dog barks]
[Kelly Ann:] Away...
[Jean:] put your things away.... ... [door knock] [shouting] Come on []... Watch the wee dog doesn't get it....
[Paul:] so it was
[Raymond:] Certainly, come on in. And what about you Declan?
[Jean:] Now put her down and let her run about.
[Raymond:] Is that your out there Declan?
[Paul:] Yeah....
[Jean:] [shouting] Patch []... [door knock]
[speaker008:] Is Declan there
[Raymond:] It's alright he's only playing with dog look. Oh, oh....
[Kelly Ann:] it's in the bag. Patch no you're not going down to...
[Raymond:] Ah
[Jean:] put her down Kelly and let her walk about. Well then close the door and keep her in the kitchen....
[Kelly Ann:] the door....
[Raymond:] Excuse me.... Look at this. Oh my God...
[Kelly Ann:] Ha ha.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] Patch!...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] Alright away from the door anyway.
[Kelly Ann:] No Patch....
[Jean:] over Easter?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [dog whining]
[Jean:] Stephen going Easter Tuesday
[Kelly Ann:] Easter Wednesday
[Jean:] Johnny's working Wednesday.
[Kelly Ann:] Oh, Easter Monday.... [dog whining] Patch stop it!... Can I have a look Stephen?... [dog whining] He sounds like a he sounds like a... Trouble is you... ooh unlucky.
[Jean:] Has Stephen?... but it's only for erm
[Kelly Ann:] A check up.
[Jean:] a check up.
[Kelly Ann:] brush my teeth.
[Jean:] Well if you need your teeth seeing to Kelly you'll have to go.
[Kelly Ann:] Ooh. Well I don't want, I don't want my teeth out.
[Jean:] You see if you eat an awful lot of sweet stuff that decays your teeth
[Kelly Ann:] ...
[Jean:] so it does, that rots your teeth... a lot of chocolate and sweets.... You're better eating erm...
[Kelly Ann:] I've got a big jar of jam
[Jean:] There's three pound of sugar to every two pound of fruit to make jam.... There's not, that's a wee and that's... [shouting] Johnny []
[speaker008:] Aye
[Jean:] Where's Willy?... Eh?... Willy W would you go and get me a large pack of
[Kylie:] No time. No time.
[Jean:] Ah
[Kylie:] Aye, well. Give us one over... give us one over... one of your things. See that
[Kelly Ann:] Mm.
[Kylie:] like this... Who got this for you?
[Kelly Ann:] Mm?
[Kylie:] Who bought this?... Is it some sort of or something?
[Jean:] You'll have to go and get a pack of chili sauce to get it on....
[Raymond:] Who? First one come in... Declan?... Johnny?...
[Kylie:] Not are we? I thought they were staying the night.
[Raymond:] No....
[Jean:] A pack of chili sauce, somebody go and get to get it on, it takes about an hour.... and it,
[Kylie:] Got that money for me? Please....
[Jean:] I haven't got it, well you... Easter's coming, I know
[Kylie:] You said you were gonna give me it and then you didn't.
[Jean:] but Easter's coming.
[Kylie:] So don't I get my money?... Oh no it doesn't shoot, let me shoot one, come on.......
[Kelly Ann:] I've only got one...
[Jean:] Oh your wee man from Lisburn called for you.
[Kylie:] Did he?
[Jean:] Aye, three o'clock and I says you were away at
[Raymond:] Did you ask the wee boy where he got the computer game?
[Kylie:] Aye he says he's... there's a, tape it over for me
[Raymond:] Oh.
[Kylie:] Do you know whether er did the wee boy say he'd call back?
[Jean:] Just says och it's alright, I said Are you gonna go up there and get this sauce it takes hour.
[Kylie:] ...
[Jean:] Come on Willy, up the shop please
[Kylie:] Aye. Yeah
[Jean:] A packet of chili con carne sauce and a small onion.
[Kylie:] Any dosh?
[Jean:] No I have no dosh.
[Kylie:] What is it?
[Jean:] That there, look. and a small, small onion, not a big onion.... Come here, come here.
[Kylie:] ... Do you wanna go up with him Stephen and get the chili sauce? And spaghetti and ginger... Do you?... Stephen'll go in and get the spaghetti
[Jean:] Here. Chi erm a packet of spaghetti and a ginger. You never brought me a loaf either Johnny....
[speaker008:] You never asked for one.
[Jean:] I did. Stephen come here a minute. How much is the spaghetti John?... Here, Stephen and bring me my change. A pound loaf... and a packet of er spaghetti
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Jean:] What? he's gonna go in the one next door.... Hurry up.......
[Raymond:] . isn't it?...... love.
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] Where's Stephen?
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] Turn it up. So you had eight of them mm? Right, turn it down. Haven't taught you haven't taught you anything.... [home and away on the tv]
[Stephen:] Johnny what's been happening?
[speaker008:] Ah?
[Raymond:] The hell with Home and Away. She's pregnant.
[speaker008:] She's not.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER] []
[Stephen:] No... female cops.
[Raymond:] She's what? I should think so....
[Stephen:] ...
[Raymond:] If we got our tea early we could be at the park tonight....
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ... [tv on]
[Raymond:] Do you go to school or have you left school?
[speaker008:] No I'm, I'm in W I'm in Willy's class
[Raymond:] Are you?
[speaker008:] well not in his class but...
[Raymond:] Stephen said he might be going to the Murray. Do you have a blazer for school?
[speaker008:] Ah aye but No,... forty quid like it's
[Raymond:] That's too much.
[speaker008:] er I, I wouldn't, I told everyone not to get one.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] He goes with a big girl called Cathy. Streaky bacon.
[Stephen:] Streaky bacon.
[speaker008:] He is?
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Stephen:] [shouting] []
[Raymond:] Go away and tell her....
[speaker008:] What age is she John? Who? Marlene? Aye I don't know.... Marlene. Wish she was.... Did you see George Foreman? Who? George Foreman, the boxer. No I've never seen ...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ... [tv on; transcription of conversation difficult]
[Raymond:] Where's the wee white book Jean I was writing down in?...
[Jean:] Alright er Stephen do you want to sit on a stool son... T V?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] Johnny?
[speaker008:] Aye.... It's a rotten con.. He's on a pound an hour....
[Jean:] Pound an hour?
[speaker008:] Aha. so he is.
[Jean:] Would you, would you do a pound an hour?
[speaker008:] I would aye.
[Jean:] in the morning, half one to four o'clock, I was getting three pound an hour
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ... [ten minutes of home and away on tv]
[speaker008:] What are you wearing? Where'd you get that?... Where'd you get it? What?...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] Well er have you got your plates in?... [tv on loudly] Turn that T V down a bit Stephen would you?... Well here... turn it down a bit.... Did you enjoy yourself today?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Eh?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] What do you think of your shoes?
[Stephen:] Good....
[Raymond:] Aha.... [tv news on talking about famine] Look at that there Stephen, look at how thin that man is, my Jesus.... [cough] No I hate that, look at that... and your da wants you to, you want your da to b buy you them... wrestling stickers every day.... Just think a bit the money your daddy spent on wrestling stickers alone for a week on you and Kelly Ann could keep three children alive for weeks. Wouldn't that be lovely to be able say well I saved the life of one child in the Sudan? Just one.... Look at the skull.... [two minutes of tv weather forecast with no conversation] What? Oh Jesus so it is. [tut] Well we'll have to wait Kelly Ann, will we do?
[Kelly Ann:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Aye.... We couldn't have walked home today Stephen sure we couldn't.
[Stephen:] What do you mean?
[Raymond:] Well I was thinking of walking home from the centre of the town but then I thought to hell with it.... What? Very good.... [six minutes of tv local news with no conversation]
[speaker008:] Patch come on here just in case you're sick in here....
[Raymond:] What?... What time will your daddy be here at Stephen?
[Stephen:] ...
[Raymond:] Ah shite!... [tut]... [humming] Do you like your new trainers now?... Are you sure?... That's good Kelly Ann, glad to hear it. Aye she was sitting, she was sitting listening eh? Nosy parker. Did you eat your dinner Patch? Did you eat your dinner Patch eh? Good dog.... Good dog... you're a good dog.... Is it still raining?
[Jean:] Mhm....
[Raymond:] You alright Jean?
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] Right get the cigarettes out then and we'll have a snout. It's warm but Jean, you're saving coal.
[Jean:] Where's your glass now? All the dishes
[Raymond:] It's alright Jean I'll fix it.... Can we hear this Jean?
[Jean:] [shouting] Get down you're not [] [smacking sound] allowed up on the cushions... hairs.
[Raymond:] No cursing please....
[speaker008:] ...
[Raymond:] I never got a bite in their da's today. He never even offered me tea or nothing.... When he left a note I heard him saying to Stephen and Kelly don't give your Uncle Raymond any biscuits. Don't open them and then he won't be... cos... her da says... I've noticed when we don't take the wrappings off them that your Uncle Raymond won't eat them, but when they're laying loose
[Jean:] It's a shame we haven't got
[Raymond:] he's like a vulture in the Kalahari....
[Jean:] Well you don't deserve the biscuit in this house....
[speaker008:] ...
[Jean:] what?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] Think I'll do them windows inside.
[Raymond:] Not now Jean, not now.... [dog whines] What's he got?
[Stephen:] He's chewing the bar.
[Raymond:] What bar?
[Jean:] The radiator.
[Raymond:] ... My God!...
[Jean:] You have it upside down do you not?
[Stephen:] I know but...
[Jean:] I think you cheat in that game.
[Stephen:] I don't.
[Kelly Ann:] I don't cheat, I...
[speaker008:] Well... three hundred three hundred and... three hundred and fifty.
[Jean:] See when you do that Kelly... so many that fall in.
[Raymond:] See that Kelly Ann you wouldn't mind would you please, turning it off, thank you love.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] Thanks love....
[Jean:] [tv on loudly] I just done that... and I got two hundred.
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Kelly Ann:] I've got
[Raymond:] Yes but you're, you're supposed to use the plungers Jean....
[Kelly Ann:] Yes!...
[Jean:] A hundred....
[Raymond:] It's to warm up for the weekend it said....
[Jean:] ... I've two hundred and......
[Kelly Ann:] I'll show you
[Jean:] Give me and I'll do that one. That's better, well at least you can see the numbers now... Is that the co colleges, no?
[Raymond:] It's something about Derry somewhere....
[Jean:] Kelly you're h you're holding it wrong, you hold it like that love.... A hundred
[Kelly Ann:] I've a hundred already. [dog barking]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ... [children playing with dog]
[Raymond:] See
[Jean:] A hundred and fifty.
[Kelly Ann:] a hundred and fifty.
[Jean:] A hundred and...
[Kelly Ann:] I've just a hundred now... you're winning so far by fifty points.... What one's that?...... Aunt Jean, I have two hundred and fifty...
[Jean:] Two hundred and fifty...
[Kelly Ann:] I've lost all my points, just have fifty now.... Yes! I've a hundred and fifty now.... I've... three hundred
[Stephen:] [shouting] Ah ah ah ah [] [playing with dog]
[Jean:] Three hundred.... I've got two hundred and fifty...
[Kelly Ann:] ...
[Jean:] Three hundred....
[Kelly Ann:] Stephen she's going to and Brownie's going to snap her.
[Jean:] ...
[speaker008:] That is
[Raymond:] That is. It is indeed.... [sighing] Oh dear God []
[Jean:] Four hundred.... Five hundred.... Six hundred and twenty....
[Kelly Ann:] Four hundred and
[Jean:] Four hundred and twenty.
[Kelly Ann:] I've got five hundred.
[Raymond:] How many did you get?
[Kelly Ann:] Five hundred.
[Raymond:] Very good.
[Kelly Ann:] Play on, play on. Let's see if I can...
[Raymond:] Are the dishes put away Jean?
[Jean:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Thank God. I'd've put you out if they hadn't've been.... [sigh]
[Jean:] I did the dishes...
[Stephen:] Five hundred and fifty Aunt Jean.
[Jean:] Mm?
[Stephen:] Five hundred and fifty
[Jean:] ... Oh two, four, five hundred... four hundred and fifty....
[Raymond:] Mhm....
[Jean:] It's a hundred and fifty... two hundred, four hundred... four hundred and fifty...
[Raymond:] in the kitchen.
[Jean:] One two three four... six hundred... seven hundred and fifty Stephen. ...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] seven hundred and fifty six hundred... seven hundred and fifty I've got
[Stephen:] ...
[Jean:] one two three four five... I've seven men and a and one... there's four up there, that's a hundred
[Stephen:] Ah the Wonderman's a hundred....
[Jean:] That's your hundred and fifty... so these are hundred and fifty... one two three four five... five hundred...... and one man...... oh no that's fifty... and a hundred... so that's... five hundred... you've six hundred... and one man loose.
[Stephen:] ...
[Jean:] Well then you've beaten me Steve... that's only a hundred, no that's fifty... and one two three four, that's two hundred... three hundred, three hundred and fifty I hold. That's only fifty you see, I thought that was a hundred and fifty.... And that's fifty, and that's the hundred... and that's two hundred...
[Kelly Ann:] Who's winning?...
[Jean:] Stephen.... two hundred... I've a hundred, two hundred and two hundred...
[Kelly Ann:] new shoes.
[Jean:] No take it ou take them away....
[Kelly Ann:] Leave shoes!... Go walk, bad girl, leave shoes.... Will you leave shoes... come on now, come on... leave shoes, leave shoes, leave shoes now
[Jean:] Give us them Kelly give us them over.
[Kelly Ann:] Yes...
[Jean:] That's a hundred... hundred and fifty, two hundred
[Kelly Ann:] Who's winning?
[Jean:] two hundred and fifty
[Stephen:] Me I think...
[Kelly Ann:] ...
[Raymond:] Aye... well I mean you can get twenty five pounds er
[John:] I may... want me to go and do it now?
[Raymond:] Aye. Yes go on,
[Jean:] Now Raymond, Raymond take Stephen down down to the shops.
[Raymond:] Aye go on with him Stephen
[Jean:] Go on Stephen.
[Raymond:] or Kelly Ann.
[Jean:] Give us my purse. Get my purse Stephen, go on down with your Uncle Raymond. Just Go on Stephen...
[John:] I'll be about two mi I'll be two seconds...
[Jean:] And what time?... Get... Patch go up. Watch er watch she doesn't get that in there, quick... she's cheating.
[Raymond:] Are you done Jean?
[speaker008:] [shouting] Patch, Patch [] Patch
[Raymond:] Did you give her another feed tonight?
[Jean:] Mhm.... Kelly.
[Kelly Ann:] Yes... bleeding dog.
[Jean:] I'll make a wee cup of tea
[Raymond:] Did you tell your, aye thank God, did you tell your daddy the er... the big fella was looking into the bin today?
[Kelly Ann:] sit there and he done, done and then, then he got that burger in the bin and he put it in his pocket.
[Raymond:] I saw him put it in his pocket, don't know where he got it fucking act the eejit... fucking walk about places in the town where he, nobody would stop them, they'd stop me... [shouting] Ha [] I told you
[speaker008:] Fuck you're lucky you're
[Raymond:] Told you it's only a pup.
[speaker008:] pup! Not bollocks you're teaching it
[Raymond:] Oh aye
[speaker008:] Fuck me
[Raymond:] [shouting] Sit, sit... Patch sit down [] I've done nowt to it.
[speaker008:] [shouting] Here... here []
[Raymond:] ...
[speaker008:] The thing's fucking starved. Out my way
[Raymond:] Bloody sure it's not.
[speaker008:] [shouting] Patch get... get away, get over there, get away []
[Raymond:] Where's the paper? Where's the paper? Where's the paper?
[speaker008:] [shouting] Stay there []
[Raymond:] [shouting] Lie down []... He's sat down now.
[Jean:] Now Kelly why don't you eat that
[speaker008:] [shouting] [] Sit there... sit... sit Kelly Ann, put that in there....
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [tv on very loudly]
[Raymond:] [shouting] Come on Patch, come on []
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [three minutes of loud tv]
[Raymond:] He's in the army
[Jean:] He's in the army and he gets you know, polish and these shoes Oh aye.
[Raymond:] Turn that down a bit Kelly Ann
[Kelly Ann:] Mm?
[Raymond:] Turn that down a bit
[Jean:] One minute he doesn't want it and then the next minute he's
[Raymond:] How's your driving coming on?
[Jean:] It's alright.
[Raymond:] Good.
[Jean:] It's alright.
[Raymond:] Good....
[Jean:] Er erm the instructor took Sandra out
[Raymond:] Mhm
[Jean:] Well then you'll be alright
[Raymond:] That wee dog was up at the park this morning Come on, good dog.
[Jean:] Well they have four cars... they have this wee car for, to tow the caravan to the caravan sites on holiday... and then he has his new car and the father has a Jaguar... and then they've some other wee car... just to get them about you know. Oh it's a company car, he's got a job and there's a company car with that. I know but it's a company car and he's got it all
[Raymond:] Yes....
[Jean:] And er he's two years in the army and thinks he'll stay because there's no life here for anybody, so he's gonna stay on. [whispering] Well he says to Raymond [] but it's not as if. [LAUGHTER] I swear to God []
[Raymond:] Aye Then he said to me he says I don't understand the politics over here. That boy round the corner.
[Jean:] What did he say?... What time... [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] I run now when I see him coming.
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] I go up the stairs.
[Jean:] and then Raymond comes to bed. He says... what are you doing? He says... buckets of water and polish, no spit and polish now, it's buckets of water and polish.
[Raymond:] Right I don't spit on your shoes your saliva
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER] And then they're saying to keep him going what would you be doing now if you were in camp?
[Raymond:] There's only one thing he
[Jean:] Well I'd be er [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Oh I walk out of the room now.
[Jean:] They do it for to keep him going and then they'll say... he says you know I'm used to getting up at half four and going so many miles every morning for a big jog....
[Raymond:] He's harmless like, you know but... but he's harmless, that's what I mean.
[Jean:] He just, he, I think he just tries to impress people you know.
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] It's all army like, constant.
[speaker008:] Well how long's he been in the army?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Two years.
[Jean:] And it's a life like, you know, He's going back to do skiing... he's a holiday, and then he's gonna buy, he's got this wee car... but the next thing when he goes back he's getting He's got a Montego like a big Montego. Well I mean he tells us
[speaker008:] So it's not here, somewhere in England....
[Jean:] And he, when he goes over
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] No well he and I
[Raymond:] He thought I was out....
[Jean:] Don't know why
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] I don't understand it at all.... And like you know I gave mum thirty five pound because after all you know, I think she needs it he says with the price of food and all and... the money he's on like and he comes And he sends her money home every week, when he's in the army and he's not here... for to help her get the place sorted out... and with the price of everything so dear.
[speaker008:] Stephen
[Stephen:] ...
[Jean:] But er he, he can't wait to get back, well he says he's now ten days to ten days he told me.
[Raymond:] a year Jean.
[Jean:] I'm alright like cos I hardly [LAUGHTER] see him but yous have him all day []. young Johnny, both you and Johnny needs I tell you I'd [LAUGHTER] be in the bed all day []. I'm not listening to him [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Doesn't he go out on Saturday night?
[Jean:] have the money. Well yes, ... he says, you know, he says
[speaker008:] [shouting] Kelly leave the dog alone []
[Jean:] [whispering] [] had no money cos erm, you know, do have the money and all, he doesn't understand I, I don't even get paid until the end of the month... Just tell him ... so I'm thinking of staying there [LAUGHTER] for a while [] Sure I d I mean the day he took us, took us all out for dinner
[Raymond:] Is it a good place to work do you like it?
[Jean:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Your daddy told you to knock it off now, if that goes over it's in the fire.
[Jean:] I think I'll stay...
[speaker008:] [shouting] Kelly leave the dog alone []
[Jean:] I thought the part that, you know, she forgot it er well I know she didn't forget it, she just did it on purpose, but three days after my birthday it's her wee brother's first birthday... and she had, she had the nerve to ring me up and invite me to her brother's first birthday party accept and go up there with a present and a card and all... and she couldn't even have rang me up to say happy birthday... So I haven't
[Raymond:] You're teasing that dog.
[speaker008:] He does, honest to God.
[Jean:] It is him.
[speaker008:] No....
[Raymond:] [shouting] Something you want Johnny?... Do you want something []?...
[Jean:] Saturday night and stayed with his friends like and I, I and I didn't like it, I could... I was lying in bed I thought I heard noises and all and I had all the windows Well were you in the house on your own all night? Aha. He stayed with his friend.... I didn't know until eleven o'clock that night he rang up and said I'm not coming home. [LAUGHTER]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] the girl said.... I must admit I... but they rang every day and every night. [LAUGHTER] ...
[speaker008:] [shouting] Johnny... 's here []
[Raymond:] Stephen?
[Stephen:] I've just had a few drinks.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] That's what Johnny says to me and then Alison rang me up this afternoon.... How long will you be in? I think it's just the one day operation
[speaker008:] in the morning, then you're out in the afternoon.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ... [six minutes of background conversation with tv on too loudly to hear]
[Jean:] To think this time next year left school.... I dunno, he's talking about and he's talking about engineering, I don't know what he's gonna do. ... Well he says he's gonna... he says round about erm December, January... he'll see if and he's gonna ask him if there'd be a chance of him getting in.
[Raymond:] Who?
[Jean:] William.
[Raymond:] next year.
[Jean:] That's what I'm saying, I says about December, January
[Raymond:] Oh yes.
[Jean:] you'll see your man and see if there's any jobs for when he leaves to get in.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] ... This is when
[Raymond:] ...
[Jean:] There's good money
[Raymond:] There's no work for girls.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] [cough] But for fellas there's no work.... You have, really have...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [three minutes of background conversation]
[Jean:] Do you ever watch that? That Harry Enfield? No.
[Raymond:] Aye it's good.
[Jean:] It's very good isn't it?
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] I haven't got them.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [four minutes of background conversation with tv on]
[Raymond:] Tired Stevie? The bloody dog is look, lying in your lap.... it's all about Stevie, eh?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [eastenders]
[Raymond:] You bloody chump, I said you're going to see the... and you said yes you're gonna ask your daddy.
[Stephen:] I said
[Raymond:] And then Jean said she's gonna ask your daddy to get a banger, and you're coming with us as I know this, I am not going with you. So there
[Jean:] close your eyes at
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [five minutes of background conversation with eastenders on the tv]
[Raymond:] Were you making arrangements to see him later? No... he turned round... so he says What? but he showed me a thing of his.... [cough] he was laughing at.... [eastenders on tv loudly] [belch] Excuse me. [cough] Do you like Eastenders Stephen?... Do you?
[Stephen:] Yeah....
[Raymond:] What? Can't cut it any more, it's cut to fuck.
[John:] Well do you think, would you, would that trim your hair?
[Raymond:] No Oh Jesus John of course it would! [LAUGHTER] Oh shit! Oh fuck you John. [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[John:] No, you know
[Raymond:] Aye
[John:] things in your wee book.
[Raymond:] Yes.
[John:] They would do it
[Raymond:] Ah but, no the oth no they'll only, they only cut, my other one is that, you need a... you need a... need a pair secateurs, you know secateurs what secateurs are?
[John:] I don't, er er er tell, draw them.
[Raymond:] Secateurs have handles so they can pull apart to make the same size What do you call them, only no it's No what I meant Raymond only for roses. only they're... you know like the the cutting edge of er er are sort of like that Like a? Yes, kind of like blades and you snap them together and With a? Eh? With? Just about to say secateurs... well er I need them to trim the, the a wee bush
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Raymond:] and the rose bushes at the
[speaker008:] [cough]
[John:] Would they not trim your rose bush?...
[Raymond:] What about the girl that's in New Orleans? The car stopped, down on the ground, shot her dead, shot at him and missed, twenty seven For nothing? For nothing. And apparently it's becoming very, you know, like a major major Yes, they're even giving tourists a leaflet now about the Thank you squire, that was very good of you to notice that. Right... well Raymond it's, I've a wee thing in
[Stephen:] Can I listen to it?
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Stephen:] They're talking stereo
[Raymond:] It's not on
[Stephen:] What does it say?
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Stephen:] it do?... What does it do?
[Jean:] it's just a
[Stephen:] Why did he we well why was he wearing it?... Is that right? Why what about your heart?
[Raymond:] doctor says I'll have a few words with him.
[Stephen:] He said he's in intensive care today.
[Jean:] surely he'd go to hospital.
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Raymond:] No they wouldn't let him. hundred and thirty pound a day was it?
[Jean:] Aye.
[Raymond:] ... What about John?
[Jean:] He's still a bit down like.
[Raymond:] Is he? depressed.
[Jean:] But Jesus I fucking don't know
[Raymond:] He's down because of er what it cost him.
[Kylie:] Do we have eggs?
[Jean:] We have one Willy, one... and take that... and two sugars please.... Six pound
[Kylie:] Five
[Jean:] What for?... Six pound ten... Is that what it cost you to buy Willy?... Six pound five?
[Raymond:] No, I swear to God Jean he had three, he had two pints and a glass, and I had three vodkas and it, Jean, don't be silly... the only reason that wee bugger's
[Kylie:] Aye
[Raymond:] and the last one and that's the last. Jean you know me better than that.... Oh aye.
[Stephen:] Where did you get this Raymond?...
[Raymond:] The girl comes round here doing a survey, she came round one day and we were civil to her, and just answered questions, you know the way they stop you in the street. So she told us the last time she was round she was going on a course for that sort of thing and she said now would you like to try it... said fair enough.
[Stephen:] Do you get money for it?
[Raymond:] You get twenty five pound worth of vouchers
[Stephen:] Do you?
[Raymond:] Marks and Spencers, right. We were to do it from Friday to Friday... but I turned on the tapes on, when was it... Last Thursday or no Thursday
[Jean:] Friday
[Raymond:] Friday and Friday tapes went into the works... you know just unravelled
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] so I went in to pull them out, then I rang her... rang her wee fella, she came round on Friday night and collected them... sorry she collected them and she couldn't get them back to, till the Tuesday, Tuesday. So we Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday... Friday. ? Oh them, no they're, they're... just leave them in son. They're only for very small things. And she says you'll still get your twenty five pound voucher.
[Stephen:] Very good.
[Raymond:] Which is very good of her. tapes the first one, then she couldn't get another one until
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] that's all it is, just talking Oh aye. No no that's the whole point. It's all about... it's all about regional dia you know, dialects.
[Jean:] Conversation and
[Raymond:] Nobody's gonna hear i nobody knows who it is, you don't even know them. That's all isn't it? I mean we just talk normal.... And just put down here that's all... no second names just
[Stephen:] Why was that on when I was in?
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] No it wasn't on
[Stephen:] Jean I was telling you all my problems.
[Jean:] No but, no for God's sake
[Raymond:] No you just yak, that's it, just yak normal.
[Stephen:] No you see if you hadn't have told me, and I was doing alright.
[Raymond:] Dawn there's nobody here gonna hear it No we taped er or forty five what did he say? Eighty minutes and there's twenty tapes. I've only got er I think that's number six. eight or nine and I had
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] but there's, it's not gonna, nobody's gonna know exactly
[Stephen:] Oh right.
[Raymond:] people are gonna listen to it you know? That's all. But the whole point about it is the whole point about it is not to put on the act.... Jean make us a cup of tea love.
[Jean:] Yeah
[Stephen:] The woman rang this morning from the holiday place, she said it's overdue It's overdue, the payment for the holiday.
[Raymond:] Did you not pay it?
[Stephen:] No, and I... and I said to her well... will a cheque do from the Halifax tomorrow. The fucking Halifax is closed tomorrow and Monday.
[Raymond:] Oh fuck.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Oh []
[Raymond:] I was thinking, I was thinking the other day Jean never has a fucking So I said that er... twenty five quid, couple of jumpers fuck it. Well it can't be easy like, you know what I mean, but er
[Stephen:] Sure I know what it's like.
[Raymond:] the money.
[Stephen:] And she rang me this morning for, well er it was so comical cos Gemma had said to me yesterday you know what about the holiday and I said sure that doesn't have to be paid till the end of the month... and erm you sure before we go into this? And rang me this morning. Well I could've cried. And then Gemma had that big job up for next week... rang today to say
[Raymond:] Ah, oh sick sick.
[Stephen:] Well... talk about... you think you're but that's what Gemma said, Gemma said why don't we go out and have a spending spree
[Raymond:] Ah
[Stephen:] back on your feet again.
[Raymond:] Oh ah yes.
[Stephen:] Well if you hold on to your money you get loads and loads of work.
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] You know what I mean like
[Raymond:] Jean the whole point about it is... I gave him I, I gave him a thousand pound worth of work and one fella, a young fella ah Raymond look at that, and he gives him twenty off the drink for a year and after the year
[Stephen:] Was he
[Raymond:] cos, yes he was getting... you know what I mean?
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[Raymond:] drank
[Stephen:] That's right
[Raymond:] the work that I was giving him
[Stephen:] that's right.
[Raymond:] until all of a sudden it dried up. Well I, I said don't come promising me work
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] trouble is I'll ring you every night say there's a, there's a day's work
[Stephen:] Aye spend it while you've got it Is he going out with?
[Raymond:] Aha.... He wore, he, he wears all those baggy clothes.
[Stephen:] Ah he's lovely him.... and his mummy's lovely too. And he's the only one, he's no brothers or sisters.... He
[Jean:] ...
[Stephen:] He's always
[Raymond:] Who, Peter?
[Stephen:] No, och well he is too... Should have seen him yesterday er Jim was shouting at our... and he looked at, I says it's alright only shout
[Raymond:] What did he say then?
[Stephen:] He laughed.... He's a lovely wee fella...
[Jean:] [cough]
[Stephen:] ...
[Jean:] No don't do that.
[Raymond:] Now come on... sit down... Dawn for Christ sake. Oh yes, soon.
[Jean:] [whispering] []
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] You alright Raymond?... Aye. How are you now? [cough]
[Stephen:] Here Raymond.
[Raymond:] Ah thanks very much Dawn.
[Stephen:] Willy...
[Kylie:] I don't smoke,
[Raymond:] Willy, Willy don't fucking con a conner, you smoke... and don't be funny. Why, why don't you smoke... as long as, wait a minute, wait a minute son, as long, as long as long as I don't catch you.
[Jean:] Your da knows you smoke, but he just doesn't want to see you smoking already.
[Raymond:] I don't want to have to fucking bury you.... Jean, dead tomorrow.
[Kylie:] I only smoke... I only smoke one cigarette a day....
[Raymond:] Did you see that tonight though on the T V about the, the ma er the English couple in er... New Orleans?
[Stephen:] Aye, she
[Raymond:] Fucking car pulls up, and they missed him....
[Kylie:] Did you see last night?
[Stephen:] No.
[Raymond:] Sleepwalking?
[Stephen:] Oh was it?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Stephen:] God oh I wanted to watch that.
[Raymond:] You see a woman see a woman and your man didn't know where he was, and then she walked out one night and put her hand through the window and she ripped it from there to there... and she said the doctors told her the only thing that stopped her... the arm from coming off was the bone....
[Stephen:] Well did she not know she was doing this?
[Raymond:] put her dick out, bone in it. [LAUGHTER]
[Kylie:] and he looked all round the room and that and then
[Raymond:] It's funny now, she said it... as if she was you know under pressure, and she had to get up,... I remember one night as if somebody was very quietly... you know putting a blanket over me, that's honest. Oh fuck so you struggled, you couldn't speak, you know
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] honest, for weeks and weeks I took, I don't mean every night
[Stephen:] Ah
[Raymond:] tablets.
[Stephen:] Oh see before I got married, I dreamt, you know the way when you get married goes through your brain?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Stephen:] Well before I got married I had this... I had this fucking dream that we couldn't get our hairs done, all the girls couldn't their hairs done because nowhere was open. So we went away into this place called Short Strand
[Raymond:] I know it well.
[Stephen:] right
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] this is what you call this place but I
[Raymond:] Oh
[Stephen:] and this girl says if you go to the very top you'll get it done
[Raymond:] Right.
[Stephen:] it's an old, old house but she says at the top of the house
[Raymond:] Ah.
[Stephen:] but when we got up to the top of the house I needed to go to the toilet. She says to me if you sit in between them two old men... and do it. And I said I'm not sitting between two men
[Raymond:] Right.
[Stephen:] she said they'll not know you're doing it, I swear
[Raymond:] Doing what?
[Stephen:] Going to the toilet.
[Raymond:] Oh!
[Stephen:] I wanted to go to the toilet
[Raymond:] Right.
[Stephen:] you know before I got my hair done. And I says oh God no I couldn't sit between, she says I swear they'll not know you're doing it. So I sit in between these two men and I...
[Raymond:] Did what you had to do eh?
[Stephen:] But I felt it coming out and all that
[Raymond:] Right
[Stephen:] I'd done it. And... the next thing I went in and this girl was doing my hair... I don't know what she was doing... but I can't remember the, the dream was he says to me Dawn do you want these curling tongs left on... I said what curling tongs
[Jean:] Cheerio
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Cheerio Kerry
[Stephen:] Cheerio
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Cheerio
[Stephen:] I said erm what curling tongs?...
[Raymond:] Cheerio
[Stephen:] I says what curling tongs, says you left curling tongs on, I'd actually burnt my finger... I must've sleepwalked... and I, I felt the bed when I remembered all this and it was dry... so I must have sleepwalked it all and went to the toilet... and done my hair cos there was a big burn all down my finger.... Honestly, and the tongs were still on, and that was at eight o'clock in the morning....
[Jean:] Did you dream that dream just the once then?
[Stephen:] Aha.... Do you?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] ... So it was fascinating then, the other night? The dream? All them sleepwalking
[Raymond:] and then, and then all of a sudden
[speaker008:] Did a man near kill himself?
[Raymond:] Aye
[speaker008:] Oh that was the woman was it?
[Raymond:] The woman, put her hand through the window
[speaker008:] Oh.
[Raymond:] then all of a sudden er... you're, you're... they went to a psychiatrist or a whatever, therapist
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] and he said well my mummy doesn't love me...
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] you must love your mummy. ... that wee boy sleepwalks, doesn't he?
[Raymond:] He doesn't sleepwalk far enough.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Cheerio
[speaker008:] thanks very much.
[Kylie:] Can I watch this?
[speaker008:] No...
[Kylie:] Probably
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] No
[Kylie:] Oh aye....
[Stephen:] [spitting noise] The spitting?
[Jean:] Oh no don't do it with spit, saliva that you're spitting to the boots you have to have water... buckets of water... and polish to do it... I... and they were... up the stairs doing the boots on the grey carpet in the back bedroom and they had newspaper down well whatever ways they must have
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Jean:] lumps, speckles all in the carpet. Now it was... and I turned round and I said, tried hot water and soap powder and, forget, something else,
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] And erm... I got down on my hands and knees... I must've done it for an hour... That's what I said
[Stephen:] what are you playing Will?
[Kylie:] Flute
[Stephen:] Oh are you? Who's doing the cymbals now?
[Kylie:] Whoever wants to
[Stephen:] Would you let me do them?
[Kylie:] Aye go ahead.
[Stephen:] With a wee skirt on.
[Kylie:] Aye....
[Raymond:] No skirt at all.
[Jean:] No skirt at all, just your knickers... hot ones.... Aha... where? In Lisburn?
[Raymond:] Willy you look tired, do you want to go to bed
[Kylie:] ...
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER] What []?
[Raymond:] Raymond What? Away to your bed son. I'm not going yet, I'm having, I'm sleeping here tonight.
[Jean:] You're not sleeping there tonight, are you all fucking mad in this house?
[Raymond:] Yes. like mad da. Your what? Stomach. Take a glass of milk son and go to bed....
[Jean:] Take your medicine....
[Raymond:] Oh we saw Eleanor tonight.
[Jean:] Who's Eleanor?
[Raymond:] Raymond's Eleanor, big Eleanor, yes. She looks better too.
[Jean:] Does she?
[Raymond:] No. She looks beautiful.
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Raymond:] She's really nice so she is.
[Jean:] Is that the one you used to go about with?
[Raymond:] Oh t aye
[Jean:] Oh.
[Raymond:] She's to give him a hand lead him across the road....
[Jean:] Go on to bed.
[Raymond:] Why can't I stay up?...
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] Well is it the front of your jeans or you, you showing off? Mm? It's a flipping bell tent. ... showing off.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Stephen:] Are you letting your hair grow Willy?
[Kylie:] Yeah
[Stephen:] It's nice that length isn't it?
[Jean:] like that, only I would like him to get this short.
[Raymond:] Oh aye? Think Jackie used to do it. first, honest, he admitted it... he put a hosepipe down the trousers.
[Kylie:] Our... our teacher's no... Er when... remember, remember
[Jean:] who?
[Kylie:] ... our teacher.... He doesn't.... Cos he's he's married and has to get sperm to get children....
[Jean:] Who's this?
[Kylie:] A teacher in our school. he has an artificial one.
[Jean:] Has he?
[Raymond:] Dick?
[Kylie:] Mhm.... Cos he was, he takes for a pee anyway
[Raymond:] Did he tell you?
[Jean:] Is, is it's artificial? [LAUGHTER] Well what was it like []?
[Raymond:] Aye what colour was it Willy?
[Kylie:] It's
[Raymond:] Was there hairs on it?
[Stephen:] Was it?...
[Raymond:] He's a fucking pervert, report him.
[Stephen:] He must get it, he must get it
[Raymond:] Report the bastard.
[Kylie:] It's not that big.
[Raymond:] Report the bastard....
[Stephen:] massive?
[Raymond:] Raymond away to bed son, you're not well.... Go on I promise you if you miss anything I'll tell you tomorrow. Oh I'm er, it's nothing to do with
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Raymond:] it's no use going up to look at four walls, it makes it worse, again. Well go to fucking sleep.... If you've gotta count the sheep count that, count that Eleanor jumping over the fucking be wardrobe....
[Jean:] Poor Eleanor, her ears must be red.... Do you never see her Raymond
[Raymond:] Raymond please.
[Jean:] Raymond I think you'll end up with her
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] Would you not?
[Raymond:] Well she's got somebody else, she lisps. That's what they say.
[Jean:] Is he a big lad?
[Raymond:] I don't know I've never seen him, but ... He does!
[Stephen:] Does she still live round here?
[Raymond:] Over there.
[Stephen:] And works up?
[Raymond:] Oh Carole came in er Saturday night... I says you've no skirt on... looking for John, I said
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Belt []
[Raymond:] a couple of nights later... up the stairs, it was wild.
[Stephen:] Who?
[Raymond:] Johnny. Johnny...
[Jean:] Och Johnny's Carole?
[Raymond:] Sorry no Johnny, no no John, aye....
[Kylie:] ... do you suppose they got that name because... she was always [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Oh my Jesus, oh Willy, that is filthy!... Oh for fuck's sake....
[Kylie:] slippers mummy....
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] He's fucking []
[Jean:] What?
[Kylie:] Any slippers?
[Jean:] No I have no slippers.
[Raymond:] Willy a Willy Willy away to bed, Raymond away to bed son, go on you get yourself sorted out for the morning, go on son. before my da hits the roof. I'm not gonna hit the roof but you're not well, it's not right.
[Jean:] I don't know you're not well your father's getting
[Raymond:] Give us that Willy
[Kylie:] Just saying on Saturday.
[Raymond:] Oh it's just too bad Willy.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] Goodnight
[Stephen:] Goodnight then.
[Raymond:] Night. Are you alright son?... Monday? Sixty five P....
[speaker008:] Thirty five then.
[Raymond:] Aye thirty five for a youngster.... Give us a light please Jean.
[Stephen:] Ah so are they?
[Raymond:] They're all going up... on Monday.
[Stephen:] And like they try and tell you to use public transport because there's too many cars on the road.
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] I sixty five on Monday. Where are you going Dawn? Going to your mam?
[Stephen:] Aye....
[Jean:] Is that a hundred and thirty return then?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Mhm.... Think I'll get myself, if I in er invested about forty quid in a new pair of er trainers... I'd fucking walk down Road in no time.
[Kylie:] Why don't you get a bike?
[Stephen:] It's two pound return from er our place to Belfast
[Raymond:] Is it?
[Stephen:] on the train....
[Kylie:] Dad why don't you get a bike?
[Stephen:] It's not bad like.
[Raymond:] Not if you consider, I mean it's, how far away it is from here.
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Kylie:] Daddy
[Raymond:] Si what son?
[Kylie:] Why don't you get a bike?
[Raymond:] Mm?...
[Stephen:] Ah keep you healthy and fit.
[Raymond:] What's in there?... Boots, the wrong size or
[Jean:] Oh that's Johnny
[Raymond:] Johnny...
[Kylie:] Johnny's are like big... motorbike boots
[Raymond:] Mm...
[Jean:] Well all you hear talking about army, army, army
[Stephen:] How long is he home for?
[Raymond:] He's lonely.
[Stephen:] Ah
[Raymond:] Yeah when he comes home he's lonely.... And I've a feeling he's lonely over there and all Well not, not really now he's, he's a harmless wee fella... like he is harmless....
[Stephen:] Has he got any bigger like cos he was small like?
[Raymond:] No well he's not, no I would say he has a bit, yeah.
[Jean:] A wee bit, not much.
[Stephen:] Well built like, or... still skinny?
[Raymond:] Oh he's not skinny, no I don't think he's skinny, no no....
[Stephen:] Would you not join the army Willy?
[Kylie:] I'm going to.
[Stephen:] Oh are you?
[Raymond:] Fuck he couldn't get in the
[Kylie:] The Queen's Guards with the big furry you know.
[Raymond:] You couldn't get in the Band of Hope.
[Kylie:] Ah...
[Stephen:] for Christ sake....
[Kylie:] You just have to look respectful...
[Jean:] What band's Billy in?
[Kylie:] two drummers and four fluters. [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] Was he?
[Kylie:] No... but we were supposed to have been playing in... er... [tut] where was it?... Derry with two drummers and four fluters... and a bass drummer... and [LAUGHTER] no it's the truth [] supposed to have er cut down the size of the...... and for triangles they're supposed to be er... cut right to two spoons....
[Jean:] Who told you that?
[Kylie:] Someone
[Jean:] Does in Lisburn?
[Kylie:] Aye.
[Jean:] ?
[Kylie:] No.
[Jean:] Who won?
[Kylie:] Queen's Guards... from Ballymena
[Stephen:] What about Liverpool the other night, they were lucky weren't they in the
[Raymond:] There was no glory in their win
[Stephen:] I know
[Raymond:] sure there wasn't.
[Stephen:] I felt sorry for
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Portsmouth like
[Raymond:] Mhm. There was no glory in the
[Jean:] No well I mean in
[Raymond:] in er Liverpool's win
[Jean:] all fairness
[Stephen:] Well I said cos I said that's Liverpool won this
[Raymond:] Yeah
[Stephen:] and they're more experienced like.
[Raymond:] Yes they are.
[Stephen:] And your man Jimmy Hill said that afterwards, like that wasn't fair, it shouldn't be done on that.
[Raymond:] Not at all. But there was no
[Stephen:] but Portsmouth took, took them two matches, supposed to do it extra time like.
[Raymond:] Yes. There was no glory in it at all
[Stephen:] No.
[Raymond:] None whatsoever.... In fact they should be ashamed of themselves
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Raymond:] letting Portsmouth, Portsmouth you know take them so far.
[Stephen:] Mhm.... So I just hope Sunderland whip them now.
[Kylie:] Sunderland will beat them.
[Stephen:] They will, er they say a second division team will win it this year.
[Raymond:] It's not the first time.
[Jean:] Well what's saying?
[Raymond:] Och don't be silly Jean he was
[Stephen:] said that at the beginning of the year, I don't know what way they... predict this or whatever way they... it goes you know [LAUGHTER] Yeah and I had my bottle of wine [] and all drunk before the end
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] I was jumping round the house.
[Jean:] I said
[Stephen:] Wait till you hear what fucking happened to us on Sunday,
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Stephen:] bottle of wine and I drunk it you see, watching the match, and Jim done the dinner... I said fuck it I'm having my dinner in here cos, didn't it go into extra time? Yes it did
[Raymond:] Aye
[Stephen:] and I said
[Kylie:] The match never went into extra time
[Stephen:] Yeah. It did.
[Kylie:] Didn't! Sure they won one nil in fourteen minutes... they were up one nil... and France couldn't score...
[Stephen:] Aye in extra time was it not?...
[Kylie:] You're probably thinking of the goals that were scored Saturday.... Cos put, scored the goal
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Kylie:] at fourteen minutes. You're thinking of
[Stephen:] Sorry you're right no what it was we was watching
[Kylie:] goal of the week.
[Stephen:] No, the, the, the extension of them going up for the cup and all, that's what it was.
[Raymond:] Oh aye.
[Stephen:] So that's when I was eating my dinner, when they were going up for the cup and she fell asleep, well you know with the wine in you, here was my eyes all out for the count. Our William was standing in the rain from half five trying to get into our house
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus.
[Stephen:] I opened my eyes at fucking five to six and I could see him at the window... Ken ran then across the road and he says Dawn your brother's been trying to get in for ages. and he was soaked, he actually had tried first... then he went round the back, the back door was closed so he tried to take shelter under the oil tank
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Jean:] God help him.
[Stephen:] he sat there
[Raymond:] Jesus.
[Stephen:] I tried the back again, he bladdered it and he bladdered the f front, but says he was just about to go when I opened one eye. So I says round the back or something. And I opened the door and let him in and he was telling me I've been here half an hour trying to get in. His dinner was l sitting under the grill, I lift it out, set it on the fucking table, and I says I'm away in here to waken
[Raymond:] Aye
[Stephen:] you know
[Raymond:] Yeah
[Stephen:] just to waken myself... I woke up at ten past seven.
[Raymond:] Oh dear
[Stephen:] [shouting] William... William [] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] shouting up, he was left.
[Raymond:] God.
[Stephen:] He'd fucking had his dinner at six o'clock, I don't even know what... I rang the club later, I tell you like, twenty past he'd arrived at the club and he was early, where'd you go? I left about ten to seven to go and get the seven o'clock bus
[Raymond:] Jesus
[Stephen:] Yous looked that comfortable I didn't wanna waken yous, oh Christ! And er... when he went to get the seven o'clock bus it drove past him.
[Raymond:] Oh God!
[Stephen:] half seven bus, and there was me waking at ten past seven picked him up... fucking dinner and here's me I'm away in here to waken up. [LAUGHTER] See the heat and all it would just knock you out
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Stephen:] I think it was the wine that made me real tired.
[Raymond:] See when I go down to John's now... I'm out like a light there.
[Stephen:] I know.
[Raymond:] [whispering] [] you're waking up, yes, yes y alright,, out again.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Then they tell their da.
[Stephen:] Do they? That you're asleep.
[Raymond:] And then you know the way your he head goes over and you
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Oh!
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Maybe reading the Daily Express, you get up and the fucking paper's all over the floor and you
[Stephen:] I know.
[Raymond:] you've kicked it when you... oh God.
[Jean:] Raymond goes
[Raymond:] But I don't sleep
[Stephen:] Ah
[Raymond:] here... well I did tonight like cos I was up at half five
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] but normally I can't sleep here... I al I always admired anybody that could sleep with a... for yea it's only this last couple of years I can do it, no I mean I'll doze.
[Stephen:] Aye. Oh I
[Raymond:] But now I slept this morning on the settee.
[Stephen:] Er see well I've just gotta lie down in the afternoon for ten minutes and I'm alright. I used to do that when I was working and I had to leave at half four, used to do our kids, see when that clock gets to nine... waken me... I'm fucking cold out our Ashley said mummy it's after nine
[Raymond:] Ah
[Stephen:] and I used to say aye five minutes, five minutes
[Jean:] I know, isn't it awful
[Stephen:] and then there's me, tell me when it gets to eleven and like I had to go and get a shower and put the dinner all out and all before I left at half four.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Then I used to go round the fucking I'd say why didn't you waken me be
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] Oh I used to say a half an hour and then when they ran to waken me I'd say give me five more minutes... and then another five minutes
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Stephen:] and I actually ended up with forty five minutes
[Jean:] That's right.
[Stephen:] and then you got up and then you were all
[Jean:] That's right.
[Stephen:] getting ready cos, you know
[Jean:] Mhm....
[Stephen:] But you see now come in for dinner after my dinner
[Raymond:] Aye
[Stephen:] but it knocks me all off then, I don't feel, I feel tired but I'm not tired when I go
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Stephen:] to bed.
[Jean:] One night, there was one night here about... er half nine I was really tired but, with them being out I wasn't, you know, I like to go to bed when they come in... and I was so tired... when they come in... when I got up
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Jean:] I was overtired and I couldn't go off to sleep.... And I remember saying one time to our doctor
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Jean:] about being tired and the same thing happened, waiting on them coming in and then going to bed and I couldn't get over
[Stephen:] Aye
[Jean:] and she says well, it was Doctor but Jean she says you've been so tired you should've went of bed when you felt tired because with sitting
[Stephen:] Mhm
[Jean:] you've been overtired and you haven't been able to get to sleep very well. I says well I never knew you could be overtired she says oh yes you can.
[Raymond:] Oh yes if something's on your mind you can't sleep at all.
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Jean:] Well I fucking done th see last Thursday I done our front garden and our back garden, I don't know what fucking else I didn't do, and then I was storming out and the fucking dishes Willy I said I've fucking done the ga and like I normally, soon as our dinner's finished I don't even take a cigarette, I wash all the dishes and dry them, wash the cooker
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Jean:] the table and then put a cup of coffee on
[Raymond:] Aye
[Jean:] and a cup of coffee and a cigarette, and I always do that but this day I was so tired after the doing the garden, both gardens like... and fucking weeding them all and doing everything else and... brushing out the back and doing... I said to him for fuck's sake do them dishes for me for a change William would you I said, so I got er got myself in the bath said I'm away to bingo, so William's gone out what happened?... eight, I had eight he had one... you may get yourself I said ah fuck no wonder I have no fucking luck, so on the settee and said I'm not going anywhere, I sat for ten minutes then I said [shouting] ah fuck you why should I sit here [] so I lifted the car keys and walked out again then, fucking zooming out of and there was John coming up like that
[Raymond:] Oh
[Jean:] what's happening? [whispering] fucking dishes aren't even [] they were actually sitting on the table
[Raymond:] Yeah
[Jean:] the way I'd left them. Nothing was touched in the kitchen. I mean the deep fat fryer, the lid was off and the pots are sitting
[Raymond:] Yeah
[Jean:] on the thing and I said well he'll have to be fucking stretched [LAUGHTER] if they come to that door and none of them dishes [] and the best of it was the front door wouldn't open
[Raymond:] Oh
[Jean:] and I says then we'll have to come in the back and all them dishes standing there... and, and that's one thing John hates, if any of his ones come up
[Raymond:] Och aye yeah
[Jean:] Well fuck when I come back up he near had the fucking... front door broke trying to get it open so that they'd come in the front and I see the [LAUGHTER] kitchen door's closed [] and I just walked in and I said well John the dishes or nothing's done if you wanna go and have a look because he wouldn't do them. I just fucking told them straight, I said we had an argument and I never done it
[Raymond:] Well you didn't go to bingo then?
[Jean:] No
[Raymond:] When you saw them, you come back yeah
[Jean:] Well I er I came back because I thought to myself
[Raymond:] You had to come back.
[Jean:] well like you know?
[Raymond:] Well that's true.
[Jean:] So now I just don't give a shit, I do the dishes and
[Stephen:] [cough]
[Jean:] Well now you see the week that William's down the John's, in John's and they'll tell you... all erm once the tea's over the dishes, I do the dishes right away
[Raymond:] Sure I do though.
[Jean:] and have the kitchen done
[Stephen:] Aha
[Jean:] but when Raymond's here, Raymond'll fill
[speaker008:] ?
[Jean:] aha
[speaker008:] ?
[Stephen:] No thanks love.
[Jean:] Raymond'll fill the sink
[Raymond:] Cup of coffee your mum's gonna make for Dawn.
[Jean:] and for... and
[Stephen:] Jim does that. Jim
[Raymond:] No don't, no, not normally Jean I don't.
[Jean:] and in the head... I says they could be washed, and dried and put away. But then Raymond's gotten now
[Raymond:] No I don't normally do that.
[Jean:] that he'll wash the dishes
[Stephen:] And then leave them on the rack.
[Raymond:] I've seen them sitting down to their dinner no no
[Jean:] and leave them on the rack and
[Raymond:] I see them down to their dinner and I have the pots done before I take a bite
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] Oh aye.
[Jean:] But Raymond's way of doing the dishes
[Raymond:] I hate dishes sitting done, oh fuck I
[Stephen:] And I hate dishes sitting Raymond I really do
[Jean:] Because your kitchen's dirty when
[Raymond:] Forget it, forget it
[Stephen:] Well I have, I don't know how many, Jim does not like doing dishes, I don't like doing dishes
[Raymond:] Oh I don't mind, I don't mind.
[Stephen:] but Jim doesn't and there's many the night I have fought with him and I haven't done the dinner dishes... I haven't done the supper dishes... I'm leaving them now for you, I'm not doing them and I'll leave every fucking plate in this house till you do them because I'm sick of it.
[Raymond:] But do you, you know the best way to do it?... Now say for instance er I do the pots
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] because there's no room in the wee...
[Stephen:] Rack, aye
[Raymond:] rack for fucking plates, so I put them away and the best way to do it is if... sit at the table, you wash and I'll dry or I'll dr you er dry and I'll wash, well what
[Stephen:] Jim wouldn't. Jim sticks them all in that rack
[Raymond:] Half, half the time
[Jean:] Raymond
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] Yeah
[Jean:] well I don't, I wash and put them on the rack
[Raymond:] But all
[Jean:] then get the dryer, dry them, do the tops and then it's all done.
[Raymond:] Yes, yes but if you do that... you're, you're, you're tea towel's soaking and at the end of the night nothing's getting dried. You can dry no gla a gla what does a glass look like if it's had a di dry with a damp cloth?
[Jean:] I do all my glasses first
[Raymond:] Fuck all
[Jean:] Raymond.
[Raymond:] Oh well it, right enough, yeah.
[Jean:] I just do all my glasses first, and leave them on the draining board
[Raymond:] Do a cup of coffee now Jean for God's
[Jean:] because by the time you've got all the dishes done, the glasses have all drained off and then
[Stephen:] Aha
[Jean:] I dry them first and put them away
[Stephen:] I do that
[Jean:] and then put
[Stephen:] Aha
[Jean:] the plates and cups
[Stephen:] That's right that's right.... But then I fucking
[Raymond:] I hate dishes. And I hate anything sitting on the table top.
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] If I had, if I had room I'd have nothing, toaster and that I hate it all
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Raymond:] But yet I happened to say to Carole one night, she says no I love to see what I bloody own... well I suppose it's you've got microwave and a wee oven or whatever
[Stephen:] Well my fucking, my deep fat fryer's sitting out... we got an electric one we used to have the one that was on the cooker
[Raymond:] Aha. Electric one's far safer isn't it? Oh aye
[Stephen:] that one that was on the cooker.
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Stephen:] And see when we got the hob
[Raymond:] I wouldn't have one about now.
[Stephen:] remember when we switched
[Raymond:] Yes
[Stephen:] the hob? Jim says we'll get an electric one because you don't want a new thing sitting in there and erm... it sits in the corner cos I have no room in my units for it.
[Raymond:] Oh we've plenty of room there for that you know. But then the
[Stephen:] I've got
[Raymond:] minute it's cold I put it in
[Stephen:] Aye see I've no room.
[Raymond:] put the lid on it and put it in. But they're far safer Dawn.
[Stephen:] Aye. But sure here's me and all, right we'll get a new set of pots for this hob and we'll not destroy them
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Stephen:] I fucking let milk boil over the other night and I can't get it off....
[Raymond:] Well
[Stephen:] we got the hob clean
[Raymond:] Oh right
[Stephen:] right, it's no good, let me tell you, it's fucking useless. Jim says that some man he was doing a job for
[Raymond:] Use Jif.
[Stephen:] No apparently it takes the whole top of it
[Raymond:] Och I use Jif. I'll tell you what I do... you know like it goes black?
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] . You see a paint scraper?
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Raymond:] I scrape it.
[Stephen:] Do you really?
[Raymond:] Oh aye. Scrape it, then I get the Jif... on my finger, you know round the cloth round the finger
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] do that.
[Jean:] Tea?
[Raymond:] Please.
[Jean:] Do you want
[Raymond:] But er I'll tell you the most dangerous thing... a tin of peas, if you put it into your pot there's sugar in it, if you look at that, the ingredients
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] on a tin of Batchelor, there's sugar in them
[Stephen:] Mm
[Raymond:] right? Now one day, you can't leave it on the hob, one day we were sitting here and I don't normally, if I put anything on I sit in there rea you've seen me go in on a Sunday
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] reading the paper and all while I'm watching whatever's on
[Stephen:] Aye
[Raymond:] but we let it run over and the sugar... the hob... and it, there's, there's a chunk out of it
[Stephen:] You're joking.
[Raymond:] it's actually bubbled the glass, there's a big groove in it, you can see it in the back ring, I'm telling you. And if we'd
[Stephen:] So even a bit of custard would
[Raymond:] if we, if we'd've left it long enough
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] it would right through the element.... But I use a paint scraper. Now, I mean if you run your finger over it, right?
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] And you can feel where, where the rough edge is
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] and you just very easy... with Jif... that
[Stephen:] some man tell him... is it a spray or a lotion or something? Some type, some type of liquid.
[Raymond:] I would say well use Mr Muscle on it... oven cleaner, but you have to
[Jean:] [shouting] Dawn how much sugar in your coffee?
[speaker008:] Two.
[Stephen:] Two please.
[Raymond:] wh where you put it. I've used a paint scraper.
[Stephen:] See the milk pot, I made the, Jim likes milky coffee
[Raymond:] Right.
[Stephen:] he said to me do me milky coffee
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] made with all milk you see, and I put this on the other day, it was Monday, and I put it on for a cup of coffee, well Jim was out the front with Tom cos Tom fixed the front door
[Raymond:] Right
[Stephen:] and I went out to tell him and he started talking to me for something and when I came back in the fucking milk!
[Raymond:] Oh we
[Stephen:] And there with the heat on still it all just burnt to hell
[Raymond:] That's right that's right.
[Stephen:] But it's still, Raymond I can't get it off.
[Raymond:] Well I, I've, but er, no but er the only reason you haven't got it off, if you use Jif, I've used Jif
[Stephen:] And I put that hob cleaner and all on it like.
[Raymond:] Well I don't know what it does, but the only reason you can't get it off is you're not working it, it's hard work to get it off Dawn.
[Stephen:] Oh.
[Raymond:] Well I'll show you the, the what do you call it, the back, what the sugar did, and I'm putting it down to sugar.... [going into kitchen]
[speaker008:] Aye and don't forget to show her what the fat done, up the thing beside the thing....
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [talking in kitchen away from microphone]
[speaker008:] [shouting] Daddy come here [].
[Raymond:] What son?
[Jean:] [in another room]
[speaker008:] What is it?
[Raymond:] [shouting] I'm sorry love, I'll do it you know that
[speaker008:] Two thousand
[Raymond:] I'll do it before you're up in the morning []
[speaker008:] lean over
[Raymond:] What?
[speaker008:] is that speed two thousand three hundred and twenty two?...
[Raymond:] Let me see son.... performance, maximum speed
[Stephen:] Get me a light Jim.
[Raymond:] two thousand metres an hour
[Jean:] he talks every night? I done the di
[Raymond:] She kno everybody knows you do it love.
[Jean:] done the dishes and all and had the house kept and all clean for you
[Stephen:] Here you are Raymond, your drink. Raymond.
[Raymond:] Oh thanks Dawn.
[Jean:] before I'm coming down this morning.
[Raymond:] get my matches.
[Stephen:] I don't need, I said to Jim get us my matches, I said give us yours, mine's upstairs... says you don't need a light sure Jean, I'll have a light...
[speaker008:] daddy?
[Raymond:] and come back again.
[speaker008:] Yeah
[Raymond:] Alright?
[speaker008:] Alright.
[Raymond:] Say come back again and she shouldn't be long.
[speaker008:] Alright then.
[Raymond:] now.
[speaker008:] Alright then.
[Raymond:] Right.... [door closing]
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [whispering] []
[speaker008:] Swear to God start from er the middle of that alleyway to... the shops
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[speaker008:] he'd still...
[Stephen:] they're well trained
[Jean:] Who are?
[Stephen:] in the army. That's why you should join, why he's getting the girls like cos you're going
[speaker008:] Ah fuck don't say that.
[Stephen:] gorgeous like. But all the women you'd get. You do, do. ?
[speaker008:] Mhm.
[Stephen:] I think you'd be lovely in the army, cos you've the build and all for it.
[speaker008:] ...
[Jean:] Go ahead love.
[Stephen:] He's lovely, about ten years older.
[speaker008:] Aye well...
[Stephen:] Grow your wee moustache.
[speaker008:] I'm going to.
[Stephen:] Well you would suit one.
[Raymond:] The last time, Dawn if I grew a beard... the ginger comes through it, I grew a moustache, it was ginger
[Stephen:] Jim's is ginger.
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Stephen:] Jim's is ginger. brown hair.
[Raymond:] [cough]
[speaker008:] It's the grey hairs... or [noise like the dog being sick]
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus fucking... in the name of, Willy get a shovel shovel Willy
[Jean:] over here. [dog sick noise again]
[Kylie:] Go on, get out
[Raymond:] Here son. Here Willy er t turn your head Dawn, sorry
[Stephen:] Oh fuck.
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] ...
[Raymond:] Here, here, here never mind him, he's alright, he's himself.
[Stephen:] I'm gonna be sick....
[Raymond:] Come here Willy. Urgh urgh urgh urgh ooh ooh fuck me that was a
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Come here... here Willy
[Stephen:] Oh fuck
[Raymond:] here Willy... no Willy quick I don't want my spaghetti here.
[Stephen:] Is that what he had, spaghetti?
[Raymond:] Oh fucking, suffering, fucking Jesus Christ... the dirty, Jean get the mop
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] urgh urgh... [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] Here Dawn take this up to the children.
[Stephen:] [shouting] Ooh []...
[Raymond:] Fuck I... Jean get the hot water, oh fuck!... Willy. come on.
[Jean:] Get the mop and bucket
[Stephen:] Urgh Oh fuck.
[Jean:] And yet a stranger being sick I could clean up.
[Stephen:] Oh I couldn't.
[Jean:] Oh I, no, I could, it wouldn't annoy me, but you see a dog
[Stephen:] fucking spaghetti.
[Raymond:] ... here, go on, here.
[Jean:] You're gonna walk in it.... Watch behind the door Raymond, you're gonna walk on it, get the mop and bucket.
[Raymond:] Jean away and get the basin love. We've done our bit.... Oh for fuck!
[Stephen:] Oh I'm getting fucking out of here, oh my God
[Raymond:] It's spaghetti
[Stephen:] I know.
[Raymond:] No it's not Raymond, it's fucking ringworm
[Stephen:] Oh shit don't go fucking and saying ooh
[Jean:] Is it all lifted? Raymond it's not all lifted. Well... Why fucking sick Raymond.
[Stephen:] I used to have a good strong stomach but see now
[speaker008:] Sick Well I told him, I told him not to feed but they're fucking
[Jean:] Did you not hear out in the street?...
[speaker008:] Now I told yous not to feed but no yous a fucking big shit, yous know it all.
[Jean:] [shouting] Come on and lift it [].... Lift that, there's no point in me mopping that till that's lifted.
[speaker008:] Aye...
[Jean:] Willy that'll do.
[speaker008:] Willy alright. and go to bed.
[Jean:] Go and get the er er the shovel
[Raymond:] Where was Willy?... In the fucking sink.
[Stephen:] Oh fuck.
[Raymond:] in the bin. Dawn's not coming back just yet
[Stephen:] Any fucking wonder... I know
[Jean:] that air freshener
[speaker008:] Ooh fuck. Where's Willy ma?
[Jean:] I'm drinking
[Raymond:] Down the sink....
[speaker008:] That was mine...
[Raymond:] How about drinking that coffee son?... Would you believe that? I mean see I fed the dog Dawn, I get a and er I fell, well, he got fed about five o'clock tonight you know. But you're overfeeding him I told mum that Raymond I don't overfeed the dog son I would have him like a fucking Biafran.
[Jean:] Was he sick in the hall?
[Raymond:] Oh aye just down the corner, it's just there. There. Yeah. You're giving him anything that we eat, you can't do that with dogs
[Stephen:] Oh Christ.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] Did you hear that?
[Raymond:] Oh! I've fucking...
[Jean:] Well don't be...
[speaker008:] and he thought there was somebody in, masks on them, and guns in their hands.
[Raymond:] He'd have been fucking if there had've been.
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Look at your man in East Belfast
[Jean:] Aye and everybody was cheering him. bastard... bastard... beat everybody up. I do.... Or else somebody, somebody's is feeding him outside.
[Raymond:] No Jean.
[Jean:] Generally if you're at home for the bins and all and I fucking
[Raymond:] Ah but there's no bins now I mean with the wheelie bins they're the g best thing ever, stops rats, dog everything.
[Stephen:] That's right....
[Raymond:] Now that was pure spaghetti Jean.
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Kylie:] [shouting] []
[Raymond:] Come on now, come on there's ladies present, come on.
[Jean:] I never even looked at it....
[Kylie:] I had to shovel it up....
[Stephen:] I'll never look at spaghetti as long as I live.... Oh Jean! [mimics retching]...
[Jean:] Did you hear him spew Dawn, did you hear him?
[Stephen:] Oh fuck ooh... did you hear out in the street as well as?
[Kylie:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Ah no, ah no, aye probably did. Have a look Willy, do you see it?
[Kylie:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Is there a?
[Kylie:] No just a wee tiny bit
[Jean:] You must have got them all spread
[Kylie:] No I don't know where the first one is.
[Stephen:] Willy?
[Kylie:] Aha
[Stephen:] , oh fuck.... Mm?
[Kylie:] Check the side of your car.
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] Come on Willy....
[Jean:] I washed them trainers our Johnny given me... and I cleaned them for him... to try and save... and then them black shoes for school to save his boots for the
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[Jean:] cos Dawn [cough]
[Stephen:] at school are you? Just running about, what are you doing all day?...
[Kylie:] I am gonna join the army.
[Stephen:] Are you?...
[Kylie:] Paras.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Stephen:] What age are you now Willy?
[Kylie:] Fourteen
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] Side of your mouth is all white there Willy.... No it's just white.
[Stephen:] ...
[Raymond:] You can see it from here,
[Stephen:] on your chin.... Hope you weren't glue sniffing.
[Kylie:] Aye I was. It was a spot that kept on He did....
[Stephen:] He's not like you Jean is he?
[Jean:] Who?
[Stephen:] Willy.
[Jean:] Well my Aunt Jenny was saying
[Raymond:] What?
[Stephen:] He's like Jean.
[Raymond:] Do you think so?
[Stephen:] Ah.
[Raymond:] God help you Willy
[Stephen:] He's dead swarthy too, so are you.
[Kylie:] I'm not swarthy, swarthy.
[Stephen:] Och you are, Jean, isn't you?
[Raymond:] Aha.
[Stephen:] Like a tawny skin.
[Jean:] Well... everybody says that Jonathan's a picture of my ma...
[Raymond:] [shouting] Oh fuck he's drinking out of that cup look []... look he's a devil, he's a
[Stephen:] Oh no, oh oh fuck [screaming] this house... I'm not coming back [] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Willy in the, in the thing there.
[Kylie:] the cup was in the
[Raymond:] Fucking shame an Easter egg.
[Stephen:] For fuck's sake.
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] Give us my cup over.... Give me my cup over.... Yeah he actually had a...
[Stephen:] I remember the fella I used to go with, his grandma Cissy... she, she used to fucking get the dog a cup, it was his cup like, to drink his tea. She used to make him a cup of tea and used to drink it herself.
[Raymond:] Oh no I don't like that.
[Stephen:] Well she had this cup for him, there was no handle on it and she knew it was the dog's so and one night we were all whole lot of us, about eight of us somebody says get cups down, they were filled, no [LAUGHTER] full of drink like []... and I get this fella this cup [LAUGHTER] with no handles [] [screaming] oh no that's the dog's cup []
[Raymond:] Fuck.
[Stephen:] Oh fuck, I sat there
[Raymond:] The, the interviewer the other day said that she was... somebody stopped her in Sandy Row, at the bottom of Sandy Row,
[Stephen:] Mhm
[Raymond:] and or she went to the door
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] with tins all over the sitting room. different sizes. she says the hum, and then she was telling us when she brought the tape back the other day one of her interviews was telling her... she was interviewing this man s er out of, out of the blue... take off all your clothes... please.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Oh she says I couldn't possibly, my husband would be annoyed, he said no, take them off
[Stephen:] Oh fuck!
[Raymond:] the woman
[Stephen:] That was like that was like your man big Albert... when they were out and this fucking fella says to him... do us a favour mate and he says aye, no problem I'll do it if I can he says well would you go out... sta put your take your trousers down, show us your arse
[Raymond:] Oh
[Stephen:] [shouting] so Albert said well... too fucking cold for that out there and anyway we're too busy [] [LAUGHTER] he had me []
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kylie:] How much, how much would you get a week in the paratroopers?
[Raymond:] Willy I have no idea son.
[Stephen:] Well it takes you, I would, you have to have be in the army
[Raymond:] I have no idea.
[Stephen:] and then go for a paratroopers'
[Raymond:] You, you apply for, yes
[Kylie:] That's what I mean.
[Stephen:] course thing, it was on the T V, did you not see it?
[Raymond:] Oh it was
[Stephen:] Fucking hard work
[Raymond:] Know what I hated about the fella... failed the test
[Stephen:] Och
[Raymond:] the man shouting across the square at him. You know they made a of him
[Stephen:] Aye I know
[Raymond:] least he fucking tried
[Stephen:] I know
[Raymond:] shot the fucking bastards.
[Stephen:] It's fucking hard course
[Raymond:] Oh fuck it is.... Course there's no room for mistakes like, I mean they
[Stephen:] That's what Jim says, they're hard, they're hard bastards like.
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] They really are.
[Kylie:] and I'd like to go as an army chef or an army mechanic
[Stephen:] Would you now?
[Kylie:] or
[Stephen:] just join the Royal Engineers.
[Kylie:] or the... the helicopters...
[Raymond:] Well Willy you'll not get it without er working hard at school, that's where it all starts. It starts in school.
[Stephen:] That's right it does.
[Raymond:] See years ago you used to
[Stephen:] Yous do your week's training, why don't you go to the army... cadet for a week?
[Raymond:] Well he was in it but he won't go back. Years ago you used to have the boys' service you see?
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Because, now Lyndsey joined it... and he, he said like when he was eighteen he knew it all, and he says you were watching men of twenty who'd just joined at training
[Stephen:] Ah
[Raymond:] and he says they looked he says but I never forgot what I looked like, or what I when he started, but you can't join the boys' service now.... He had to come out with diabetes and all, he's a pension.
[Stephen:] That fella I used to go with, he w joined the Royal Engineers
[Raymond:] Ah
[Stephen:] had to write down have you ever been in borstal or
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Stephen:] well he was in and he never wrote anything down... and he got a fucking queen's thingie after a year... put him out
[Raymond:] Oh aye?
[Stephen:] after they found out all about him
[Raymond:] Aha
[Stephen:] and that he had told lies, what is it, you break er
[Raymond:] You commit perjury or something do you?...
[Stephen:] Oh fuck
[Raymond:] Anyway you haven't played fair with them.
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Sure Micky his er, I think it's his uncle
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] or his father, was inside and he got and he got his MP on the job
[Stephen:] Aye. Good.
[Raymond:] Mhm and he was held up because of it and they got Martin on the job and he wrote to hi er to the War Secretary, whatever you call it, you know Secretary of State
[Stephen:] Mm cos your man was put, he was... he was put er for a year
[Raymond:] You see they find out
[Stephen:] at the queen's pleasure or something
[Raymond:] Now I listen to there, I don't listen as often now unless there's something big on, and you hear them, you know, check on, whatever it is, your vehicle check... and I have seen them... as little as five seconds coming back and saying who owns that car
[Stephen:] Ah.
[Raymond:] it's a blue Toyota registered to Mr Jim
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Raymond:] at blah blah blah whatever it is, that's how quick they are.
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Raymond:] So if they can do that, they can look up anything.
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Kylie:] Cos do you wanna know why I'd like to go for a mechanic, do you know why?
[Raymond:] No son.
[Kylie:] Cos see, see your man Gary down there,
[Raymond:] Aye
[Kylie:] Gary, see when he wants something done to his car, he came to me, that's where I was tonight...
[Raymond:] Well that's good.
[Stephen:] Well you could go as a mechanic like, you can go as different things, whatever...
[Kylie:] Cos he'd got an exhaust and want me to put... do you know where
[Raymond:] How much did you get for it?
[Kylie:] he... he says he might give me
[Stephen:] Fuck Willy
[Raymond:] Oh Willy er Willy you'll get nowhere like that.... Cos he would maybe, you see you've gotta say now, would that fella take anything from me for er... you know helping me... if he's decent and he won't then you help him. But don't let them make a pig of you.
[Kylie:] Cos like that and then there was the, like a... like a barrel thing
[Stephen:] Mhm
[Kylie:] in the middle? He wanted me to put that bit on, you know there are the two bolts
[Stephen:] Mhm
[Kylie:] that come behind the and the mud flaps?... The way you put that in the middle... and the carburettor's up the top
[Stephen:] the back end of the exhaust?
[Kylie:] Aye. He wanted me to fix it and put the glue stuff on because it was
[Stephen:] Oh he was sniffing [LAUGHTER] sniffing []
[Raymond:] Oh aye. Is that Gary?
[Kylie:] put it on. No he lives......
[Stephen:] Aye but you won't be able to smoke if you're in the army, Willy....
[Raymond:] You'll not jump over too many er high walls Willy with smoking
[Stephen:] No that's right.
[Raymond:] I'm telling you.
[Kylie:] We do assaults course at school.
[Raymond:] Ah
[Kylie:] about from here... past Sandra's house
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Kylie:] and it's all big climbing things, you have to them.
[Raymond:] Willy let the dog out to do what it wants to do. Let him out in the garden Willy.... Give us that book over on your way past....
[Stephen:] I know... He's lovely isn't he?
[speaker008:] Who?
[Stephen:] Willy. He really is beautiful
[Raymond:] Do you think so?
[Stephen:] Aye he's lovely. That's why I would love him to really wake up and get a good job or
[Raymond:] You can't t er
[Stephen:] I says to him
[Raymond:] Dawn you can't talk to him, I'm telling you, I've tried.
[Stephen:] I says to him cos you're gorgeous.... Och he is lovely... his hair and all and his face and
[Raymond:] Mhm He can't. Like you take, you take your sons why wasn't I born first
[Stephen:] I know.
[Raymond:] Johnny did you see?
[speaker008:] Ah....
[Raymond:] And where is he?
[speaker008:] ...
[Raymond:] Och Willy er Johnny don't be so ill mannered.
[Jean:] Jo come in in five minutes...
[Stephen:] Ah?
[Kylie:] They're nice.
[Stephen:] Aye they are.
[Raymond:] Willy is this our book?
[Kylie:] Aye.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Oh fuck. Sure do you see what's []
[Raymond:] Twenty four pound ninety five.
[Stephen:] Do you see what it says on the sides? Read the bottom....
[Raymond:] Not to be taken away.
[Jean:] Oh for, did you steal it Willy? That has to be taken back.
[Kylie:] No they don't know there's about seven thousand million books in our library.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] []...
[Kylie:] remember I says they were in a sale in school
[Raymond:] Aye. I know son I know that.
[Stephen:] Oh [LAUGHTER] [] He's as bad, he's pulling the fucking sticker off.
[Raymond:] No
[Stephen:] the headmaster tomorrow he comes down here [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] and has a good look round []
[Kylie:] There is about eleven thousand books in our library....
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] At the rate you're going, by the time you leave, they'll be lucky if there's []
[Raymond:] I got John to join the library... and I take and I've got his er... I've got his ticket.
[Kylie:] Why don't you bring me down some day and somebody steal it
[Raymond:] You know what I hate about it? There's some of the books are filthy that people leave back, you've no idea.
[Stephen:] What? Did they? twenty five to twelve I make it twelve.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] Maybe Jim'll have the dishes done.
[Stephen:] The what?
[Raymond:] Maybe Jim'll have the dishes done when you're back.
[Kylie:] They're showing the Grand Prix the final
[Raymond:] Oh they're showing Naked Gun on the television.
[Stephen:] Ah on Easter Monday night
[Raymond:] I haven't seen that.
[Kylie:] I have.
[Stephen:] The er Grand Prix 's on, that's right.
[Jean:] Is it?
[Stephen:] Aye
[Kylie:] Grand Prix only started at quarter past eleven.
[Stephen:] I went to take Wendy's laundry round Tuesday night... I forget why I was, I don't know, well I didn't call but I just drove on and got myself a... says Jim you're early tonight, quarter past ten. Thought you were
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Stephen:] I wouldn't have seen you for another hour.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] Well on, was it Friday night
[Raymond:] Och he knows you're in safe hands like when you come round here.
[Stephen:] Ah
[Jean:] was it Friday night
[Stephen:] after the fucking dog's puking round me and the fucking
[Raymond:] Oh fuck
[Stephen:] dog's licking out of the cups.
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus.
[Kylie:] this library
[Stephen:] in your face
[Raymond:] That's going back.
[Kylie:] it was stolen...
[Raymond:] I said it's going back, I didn't say it was stolen.
[Kylie:] It is.
[Stephen:] and me and your ma's sitting here, well ooh
[Jean:] My stomach's turning yet....
[Kylie:] ... Dawn's missing the football because of the final of the Grand Prix. Did you watch the football on Sunday?... She says
[Stephen:] I don't know about
[Raymond:] And left her poor st her brother standing in the hall.
[Kylie:] Och man don't talk nonsense!
[Stephen:] Aye.... They didn't deserve to win.
[Kylie:] Nonsense....
[Stephen:] Our William was left standing out in the street for half an hour soaking.
[Kylie:] When?
[Stephen:] I drunk a bottle of wine and fell asleep after the match.
[speaker008:] Where was?
[Stephen:] He was sleeping.
[speaker008:] Oh.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] And here's me... with one eye and here's... I could fucking see our William, here's me round the back [LAUGHTER]... then me I'm away in here to waken up, fuck ten past seven
[Raymond:] We came up from York Street today, you know we walked
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] Court? And er whatever way I brought them we ended up in Street and you know the King George the Sixth Hall?
[Stephen:] Yes.
[Raymond:] The big hall there? Well our company decided to send us... for a fucking first aid course... and this, it's er most embarrassing... on this particular night we'd stopped in er... in the Chapel Hill in Lisburn
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Raymond:] I was drinking Monk and Monk was a heavy beer so... fuck I gets out of the car and fucking oh fuck, but anyway... said to me look I'll go up, say my name, and I'll bring you home, I was living with my sister at the time... and I sat on a wee low wall, I'm just the wall,fu fuck I, in the middle of the day, nobody, they were just drinking... er Dawn this is way were, it's fucking maybe twenty five years ago, twenty six... and er fuck he sat me on the wall he had to s I couldn't see... [LAUGHTER] he says to me er [] fucking I heard a voice, Raymond like... this is the exam tonight... you'll have to sit there. I says alright Dawn er Graham, I couldn't lift my fucking head. So I'm sitting and getting worse... if I opened my eyes it went like that, the whole fucking sky was going round.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] So I'm sitting... all I can hear, I'll never forget it... [mimicking] ah God help him []... fucking somebody from... [mimicking] ah Go God help him []... next thing [mimicking] will we get an ambulance []? Say no I'm alright... and I must've lifted my head, all I could hear was this old scraggy voice like a witch, [mimicking] ah serve the fucking bastard right, the fucking []... honest to fuck, so I must've sat for another half an hour and I knew I had to go that way to get home. I ended up on the front fucking wheels of a pushbike
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] I swear to God, in Willington Place I'll, pitch black, never forget it. And all I remember was saying... oh!... There between my legs, the front wheels, and I ended up holding the handlebars and staring into this wee boy's face... a look of sheer fucking terror on his face,
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] fucking, oh j I don't know how I got home. All I can hear to this, to this day... remember is flashing lights and doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo go home you bastard! Doo... I must've crossed every fucking road
[Stephen:] Well Peter I sa la one night last week oh it was the week before I was going up past and this fella was walking and he was fucking staggering and he was going on the road and Peter's came back and fucking him.
[Raymond:] Oh aye?
[Stephen:] Ah
[Raymond:] Sure her her sister was coming er down, er t Carole was coming down Donegal Avenue one night and said to John... fuck some woman's gonna have a rough time... she says
[Stephen:] ?
[Raymond:] ah she said she saw this fella hitting the wall and hitting the football... halfway out in the road, it was fucking me.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] oh Christ!
[Raymond:] Ah but everybod er sorry, they did things for me
[Stephen:] Oh aye
[Raymond:] bastard....
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Do you not see her much Jean?
[Raymond:] if you ev if she ever says to you... she hasn't seen you since whatever it was, you say Carole it works both ways, I haven't seen you either.
[Jean:] Like I mean... if I like five minutes we're all down to
[Stephen:] Aha that's right.
[Jean:] but then her excuse would be but I mean... he can't be on shift
[Stephen:] He's not on shift work every week.
[Jean:] every week if you
[Raymond:] No.
[Jean:] know what I mean.
[Stephen:] No that's right.
[Raymond:] Like she wasn't too busy when she brought the youngsters
[Jean:] And
[Raymond:] home last Saturday, or whatever it was, to come round.
[Jean:] She wasn't even with him, it was him brought them round himself.
[Stephen:] Who?
[Jean:] John.
[Raymond:] See she'll always
[Stephen:] John's kids and Sandra's?
[Jean:] No they're John's
[Raymond:] No, no no no once every. She buys them and takes them to and all
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] but the point is she uses us to get to John, so it's like... would you ask John. And I feel like saying
[Stephen:] Instead of going fucking asking herself.
[Raymond:] Yes exactly. Exactly.
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[Jean:] You know th the statement a mother keeps a family together, which I think's true, and then when the mother goes... the family are... still keep in contact
[Raymond:] Well no, a mother, a mother might keep a family together in the sense that they all meet there on a Saturday
[Jean:] Mhm
[Raymond:] but a mother can't make the family like each other any better
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Raymond:] you know? They can't. [cough] See your mum was te... terrorized of Carole
[Stephen:] She wasn't?
[Jean:] Aye she was afraid of Carole sure
[Raymond:] Yes.
[Jean:] on a Saturday when she used to come.
[Raymond:] And that's wrong but if you, if you told Carole that she wouldn't believe you. But I know she was. And I'll tell you better than that
[Jean:] aye sure she oh Jesus Christ our Carole's coming.
[Raymond:] I'll tell you better than that and I didn't know until her John told me. He says do you know that they get cooked ham sandwiches and you get toast?... I says you're joking.
[Stephen:] Well who gets cooked ham sandwiches?
[Raymond:] When Carole and John went down, they were sat down, cooked ham sandwiches. When Jean and I went down the toaster was put on. We got toast. I didn't know it
[Jean:] used to get the ham for Carole, that's right,
[Raymond:] Yes, mhm.
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Raymond:] And made them a f and they look for their fry every Saturday and I stopped doing it. Like when your mother got to that age, as John told me, you bring her in the food
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Jean:] Ah
[Raymond:] she doesn't bring it in for you.
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Raymond:] Now I thought it was wrong, I even stopped them getting a fry.
[Jean:] Well see when I used to get
[Raymond:] Fucking pan was rotten anyway.
[Jean:] but used to say I hate them, I hate them coming you know?
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] And I, but I used to get them a and pork chop, you know? Cos she was on her own
[Stephen:] Ah
[Jean:] you know, enough to do her and a pork chop for... couple of days. And then when I went up home, I'd have took them out and... put them in the fridge and she says what are you doing and I says well that's a couple of day's meat for you and she says no no take that off home, take that off home, I've and I says no that'll do you. You shouldn't have done that, I says shut up, I says do you a couple of days.
[Stephen:] Ah. And she used to get them ham, that's right.
[Jean:] Yeah.
[Stephen:] Mhm. their lemonade
[Raymond:] It was fucking You wouldn't ha you wouldn't have done it to a dog though. Yeah that was Debbie.
[Kylie:] Oh Debbie
[Jean:] Debbie
[Stephen:] Fuck Jean remember the day we found her on the floor?
[Jean:] After I was talking about
[Stephen:] I fucking wet myself laughing, oh it was nerves but... Raymond I never st did I stop laughing?
[Jean:] She couldn't stop.
[Stephen:] And [LAUGHTER] God forgive me [] Jean don't panic
[Raymond:] Ah
[Stephen:] and I [LAUGHTER] here's me, what the fuck are you do don't panic... to help me up, just don't panic just get me on the settee I said Jean don't lift her... there's something wrong with her leg.
[Jean:] and then when I see her leg was swollen
[Raymond:] Aye
[Stephen:] Oh fuck! And then when they were taking her in the ambulance, the nerves, I was sitting fucking laughing [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] And then she rolled
[Stephen:] ah ah ah ah and I'm fucking laughing, she's going ah ah ah ah [] oh fuck I says I
[Jean:] And then they're gas and air, they put the gas and air er er the ambulance and all.
[Stephen:] See all the time she was in pain I laughed even but it was for nerves like.
[Jean:] And then Dawn, she rung work to say she wouldn't be in because the wee woman she
[Raymond:] That's right.
[Jean:] and then she was girning on the phone because getting taken into hospital, oh it was terrible that day. And then I had to run down to Mrs 's when Dawn stayed with mummy while the ambulance come to tell Mrs and Mrs says... don't worry Jean, I'll sign you in the day just go ahead and put your mum in the ambulance. Oh God...
[Stephen:] Oh fuck.... But I can [LAUGHTER] and said... pull that fucking door closed and [LAUGHTER] the knob came off in her fucking hand, she spun round []
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] What about the day she collapsed in the... the hairdressers... and only we're going for a drink.
[Jean:] and she come in and she sat down and and the the hairdresser's... and here she was, I'll be alright, I'll be alright. And I says let us see, and she's and I says now keep back and I rung Don and explained and the doctor said Jean just ring for an ambulance.... And I rung for an ambulance and it came and we took her up and sat with her, and they kept her in for four days.
[Stephen:] that woman. And there was the apple tart laying on the fucking floor [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] And her cup of tea, God help her, sitting never even got
[Kylie:] How did she fall?
[Stephen:] She c went, closing the door and she had her hand, her apple tart in one hand, she held the door with her other hand, she fuck her handle had come off and she [LAUGHTER] swung round and round... she said I kept spinning round and round [] Oh God!
[Jean:] And then she had to have the operation to get her hip... fixed
[Stephen:] That's right.... Dear God, fuck that was [LAUGHTER] ah I was fucking laughing [].
[Jean:] Aye just, if the two of yous get me up on the settee I'll be alright, me and her ah ah ah ah!
[Stephen:] Then I just started to laugh... the woman next door [LAUGHTER] and I fucking wet myself laughing []
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Stephen:] Ooh and she was he [LAUGHTER] [] and I said are you alright now? And then when I went to talk to the sister, me, you know I... fuck when I rang she was... she had to have an operation on her knee, the whole kneecap was broke. [LAUGHTER] Fuck I wet myself, she slid off the grass onto the pavement []. Oh God, so funny.
[Jean:] Oh it's when you think back like.... Oh my ma was petrified every Saturday. Cos our John used to come in and she goes you know said you'll have to excuse me, once they go away I can relax. And then as soon as they went away she got her out and sat and had a.
[Stephen:] That's right....
[Raymond:] Ah that was a ridiculous thing, when your family comes you shouldn't be like that.
[Stephen:] I know.
[Jean:] No.... Like if your family makes you like that I think it's time not to bother. And they should come down cleaning and helping you like and making you something to eat like.
[Raymond:] Well he looked forward to his fry.
[Stephen:] Well
[Kylie:] Who did?
[Jean:] Johnny
[Raymond:] I heard him saying there one day er... where's, what no fry today mother? Cos he only got sandwiches.
[Kylie:] ...
[Stephen:] used to go on a Sunday say come on we'll go... and I used to my dinner, oh fucking hell my dinner... this is desperate, them wee were gorgeous too.
[Jean:] way she done her steak and all,an and her chops they was beautiful.
[Stephen:] And then I'd go home and have my dinner too, no wonder I got fat.
[Jean:] And God help her
[Stephen:] and walked along the and the beach and all
[Jean:] well God help her she couldn't er, at the end, she couldn't eat at all and we were forcing her to eat and she wasn't eating at all.... And then the, the last days
[Stephen:] [shouting] You're skipping three Johnny []
[speaker008:] What?...
[Jean:] the last sixteen days she just lived on her drip.
[Stephen:] That's right.
[Jean:] Oh she took a notion that Sunday night
[speaker008:] Mm?
[Jean:] on the Sunday night... when I wasn't there, and I was down making them's tea... for er a drop of ice cream and Raymond fed her the ice cream.
[speaker008:] How was the going?
[Jean:] She died on the Monday.
[Stephen:] ...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [watching football on tv]
[Kylie:] sit here and watch it.
[speaker008:] By the time you get home it'll be over.
[Stephen:] I know.... What, when's the last time? Twenty five years ago? [tut]
[speaker008:] that's the league cup innit? It's the league cup. won the league cup four years running.
[Stephen:] the league cup.
[speaker008:] is the league cup.
[Stephen:] It's not! Sure this is what they're playing for, the league cup.
[speaker008:] It's the league cup.... Liverpool away... Liverpool away...
[Stephen:] You don't know what you're fucking
[speaker008:] No, the league cup....
[Kylie:] Giggs, he's crap. Giggs is crap as well.
[Stephen:] Giggs is brilliant.
[speaker008:] Och John Barnes walked round him.
[Stephen:] Young player of the year Ian player of the year, er Gary I mean. And Mark Hughes' getting... a me er a rew a rew a reward
[Kylie:] Sure sure don't you remember the time Liverpool were playing United?
[Stephen:] Crap.
[Kylie:] Er John Barnes walked round four of your players.
[Stephen:] See when I see that used to come round Sandy Row, he was the and he used to sit and [LAUGHTER] the way he used to talk [].... And he says to me do you wanna breast feed...
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] Who said this? Oh, I used to fucking wait on him.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] He was one time....
[speaker008:] It's a relapse.
[Stephen:] Well it's something else as well
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Stephen:] Something or something but he was back in intensive care today.
[speaker008:] ... Did you watch it?
[Stephen:] Aye I did, it was crap....
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[speaker008:] It's your man Shearer.
[Stephen:] He's a good player too Shearer isn't he?
[Jean:] Who's that playing Dawn?
[Stephen:] United.... the goalkeeper.
[Jean:] Oh he's hurt, the goalkeeper....
[Stephen:] Oh he hit him.... Look at that sponge, what is that, what er... goes on that?
[speaker008:] Water.
[Stephen:] Cold water?...
[speaker008:] Water.... Cold water....
[Raymond:] There's no D in it Johnny, it's water. I'm only telling you.
[speaker008:] [mimicking] Get me a glass of water while you're in the kitchen.... Let the water run []....
[Stephen:] If you go in the army you'll be coming home
[speaker008:] What?
[Stephen:] [mimicking] You what?... Alright mate []
[speaker008:] [mimicking] Alright matey []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Mm. Willy is going in the army aren't you Willy?
[Kylie:] ...
[Stephen:] You didn't watch the match?
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Stephen:] , who was it they were playing?
[Raymond:] [cough]
[Stephen:] Ah and your man fucking with Giggs?
[speaker008:] That's right
[Stephen:] I think that was terrible.
[speaker008:] Giggs was too
[Stephen:] Well he was he was, I'm glad he was sent off because that was terrible. He had it in for Giggs, I knew he had.
[speaker008:] ...
[Stephen:] He's a fucking
[speaker008:] ...
[Stephen:] I think he's a good player,...
[Kylie:] Hughes is crap again. He's very bad at corners, him.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [watching football on tv and talking quietly in background]
[Stephen:] Raymond
[Raymond:] What? Good....
[Kylie:] Who wins this match?
[Stephen:] United.
[Kylie:] How many?
[Stephen:] About nine nil.
[speaker008:] ... he's, he's one of these people... ta give it out but he can't take it.
[Stephen:] A bit like you Johnny.
[Jean:] Aha. It's just that he, he likes all these people....
[speaker008:] Oh I like that one, oh that was a cracker....
[Kylie:] So need to win?
[speaker008:] None.
[Stephen:] They won, that's all we need to know. points...
[speaker008:] Rush.
[Stephen:] Oh I hate that skinny devil [yawning] []
[speaker008:] Dean Saunders' a better striker
[Jean:] I like er... no I
[speaker008:] Jones?
[Jean:] I like your man the, the goalkeeper what do you call him?
[Stephen:] , oh... he's lovely.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [watching football on tv and talking quietly in background]
[Stephen:] He's a good player.... Griggs is a good player.......
[Kylie:] Look he's crap, he can't...
[Raymond:] Willy away and and bring back the matches... please. Who?
[Stephen:] again Raymond,
[Raymond:] Aye. and next week too
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] same thing.
[Stephen:] Aye well he's gone
[Raymond:] [cough] What?
[Stephen:] [yawn]
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus I hate
[Jean:] go Wednesday Thursday and Friday
[Stephen:] Why don't yous take the train to Bangor?
[speaker008:] When?
[Stephen:] You and Raymond, couple of nights out in Bangor
[Raymond:] For fuck's sake Dawn you'd come back to a fucking siege.... Fucking windows broke.
[Stephen:] go away?
[Jean:] We went to the christening and my heart was in my mouth it was on edge the whole time....
[Stephen:] I'm sure everybody'd be
[Raymond:] Come on Willy.
[Stephen:] train trip down to Bangor...
[Jean:] When?
[Stephen:] Easter Tuesday.
[Jean:] Sure Bangor'd be crowded Easter Tuesday, you'd not get in the
[Raymond:] Can't even get into a pub.
[Jean:] with all the, the and
[speaker008:] Ah that's the last thing you wanna go on,
[Raymond:] You're right. Ah well don't yous two in front of witnesses, don't you
[Stephen:] Go ahead Giggs, go go go go.... corner, go ahead.
[Raymond:] I used to get taxis down... from to Bangor or Carrickfergus.
[Stephen:] That's right.... [yawning] []...
[Raymond:] Is he a driver?
[Stephen:] Aye. Aye, now Jean I don't know what's happened to him, but he was away to Australia like, and er he came back and Janine's boy was in, her new one... Acky's never met him you see, Gareth
[Jean:] not going to get married.
[Stephen:] Well he's or something, I don't know [LAUGHTER] [] well he's got
[Raymond:] Oh.
[Stephen:] and he's saying he'll marry her and then of course Acky he and he says you know, er A Acky you know, and I used to be a male nurse you know, and John says aye, John
[Raymond:] Mm
[Stephen:] he says... come on you out in the hall with me... [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] Oh
[Stephen:] we'll take your trousers down [LAUGHTER] and John, everybody was wetting themselves. the we the wee fella went out into the hallway and
[Raymond:] Oh Jesus.
[Stephen:] [] and he fucking asked him to take his trousers down. And the fucking door and the next thing the wee fella come in and says yous are fucking bastards.
[Raymond:] Sure are.
[Stephen:] Honestly.
[Raymond:] Big Dessie, he come into work one day, he was and he come into... I'll see you in a minute Raymond, flew into the kitchen, and he runs past with a bo bottle of water and I goes out and he's scrubbing the front passage you see. Said what's wrong, he says Raymond... I'm taking him down the Grosvenor Road... and there's fucking old Paddy, we used to work with him, standing outside the f you know opposite The Royal? I said och give him a lift, this is halfway to Road. I said Paddy what were you doing up there, he was at The Royal, are you bad then Paddy? Ah not too bad he says the doctor says I've got a festered back [LAUGHTER] passage... Dessie says [] and there he is scrubbing the fuck [LAUGHTER] imagine telling everybody like you'd got a festered back
[Stephen:] I know
[Raymond:] passage.
[Stephen:] Who's eating an orange?
[Raymond:] Willy.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Jean:] No he used to, I know who, Dawn, he used to take me sometimes... and a couple of times he took me up to the and he used to say to me... and what would you take for [LAUGHTER] starters [] so I always said well I always like erm... prawn cocktail
[Raymond:] Oh aye
[Jean:] for starters. Oh he says I make my own prawn cocktail he says at home and lettuce and
[Stephen:] Aye. [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] Aye,
[Jean:] oh I laughed. You know like, you would know he's a bit fruity like the way he talks
[Stephen:] ... He was in the police you know, and he was a male nurse.
[Raymond:] Was he?
[Stephen:] Used to go and have a fucking, wee boys and all
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Stephen:] Sure Ji he came in looking for Jim one morning and Jim wasn't there, says he's in bed... so listen I said do you wanna go up and waken him like... fuck Jim says when Acky woke me I said what you mean he give you a kiss and he woke you up.
[Raymond:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] fucking done...
[Jean:] Tom was round giving me er all er
[Stephen:] Who the fuck's Tom?
[Jean:] ... and he was saying to me er, he says Jean I says I live and learn... and er he says, you know when he says, he talks through his nose, he says [mimicking] you know if they had've left Sandy Row [] the way it was and just put bathrooms in and he says and the way it is
[Stephen:] Mhm.
[Raymond:] That's what Mrs said they're not coming from the Falls Road Sandy Row. Fucking right too....
[Jean:] Sandy Row's isn't it?
[Raymond:] Times change Jean....
[Jean:] There's parts of Sandy Row with the gardens and all you the houses, and there's other parts that's really
[speaker008:] Willy take them cups in
[Stephen:] Aha.
[Jean:] But then Hector was to blame too because Hector went... they were coming round and we had to get out first, he promised us... as the first houses would go up we would get back again
[Stephen:] And you never?
[Jean:] We never.
[Raymond:] Not at all. We did not.
[Jean:] The time I was looking for a house, he says it wasn't enough to get into Sandy Row.
[Raymond:] You said get into it, do you not mean get back into it?
[Jean:] He did say, the man told us.
[Raymond:] Sure they were pleading for protestants to go up there...
[Jean:] Mhm. I says you're the man told u give us the key for Black's Row and told us that
[Raymond:] Mhm
[Jean:] er when the houses were rebuilt we could go back again
[Raymond:] What did he say?
[Jean:] and he says oh I know but it's nothing to do with me now, it's all housing
[Stephen:] Go ahead Hughes!...
[Raymond:] Well we, come on come on now, bladder it in. Oh lovely. Oh...
[Jean:] But he made sure that what he wanted
[Raymond:] Oh aye....
[Jean:] Park.
[Raymond:] I never liked him.
[Jean:] I never liked his wife or the daughters, they always thought they were something....
[Raymond:] What?...
[Jean:] The school for fighting and violence....
[speaker008:] Isn't it like?...
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [watching football on tv]
[Stephen:] worry if you had his money....
[Jean:] money.
[Stephen:] number one... [humming]
[speaker008:] What's number one?
[Stephen:] Right Said Fred. and they had I'm Too Sexy for My Hat.
[speaker008:] And was he number one?
[Stephen:] Aha. [humming]
[Jean:] Dippety-doo-dah?...
[Stephen:] Doo, is that what he's saying? [humming]...
[Jean:] Did you see This is Your Life last night?
[Stephen:] No, who was it?
[Jean:] Your man, The Lady in Red.
[Stephen:] Chris De Burgh?
[Jean:] Ah....
[Stephen:] Was it good?
[Jean:] ... Did you see Coronation Street?
[Stephen:] ... When? Last night? Oh no don't tell me I never seen it. I would've seen it last week though.
[Jean:] ...
[Stephen:] I hate him Jean. We were sitting in Sandy Row [LAUGHTER] yesterday night [] was sitting in the car, do you know who he was the spit of?
[Raymond:] Who?
[Stephen:] The man out of Better Days.
[Raymond:] Oh aye, Reg.
[Stephen:] Oh fuck I wet myself laughing.
[Raymond:] And he's bigger.
[Stephen:] I know. I hate Derek but I like your man out of Better Days.
[Jean:] Oh I, I laugh at Derek the way [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] Ah he knows he it all.
[Jean:] that squeaky voice he's
[Stephen:] Aha
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER] oh []
[Raymond:] They're well matched....
[Stephen:] What about Neighbours?
[Jean:] Mm.
[Stephen:] Good this week isn't it?
[Jean:] What about... Home and Away...
[Raymond:] But that er... what do you call it? Eastenders now is all doom and gloom.
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] Now you need er
[Stephen:] I used to love Eastenders but now
[Raymond:] Dot Cotton
[speaker008:] [cough]
[Raymond:] and Nick....
[Jean:] Ah sure they bring them all back again.
[Stephen:] [yawning] [] Oh fuck, that was a cracker.... I thought it was class... A one... for Liverpool.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [watching football on tv]
[Raymond:] Who's that playing?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] Man United....
[Raymond:] What did you say Johnny?... What did you say about
[speaker008:] ...
[Stephen:] Definitely one nil Johnny was it?
[speaker008:] Don't know...
[Stephen:] Did they win?
[speaker008:] Aye they was... two.
[Stephen:] Aye! ...
[Kylie:] Sure there's more Liverpool fans than there is United.... Sure Liverpool's still have, still have more than look how many was killed in the two, two tragedies. In the European Cup and then with er...
[Stephen:] Hillsborough.
[Kylie:] Hillsborough.
[Stephen:] tragedies. They are a tragedy.
[speaker008:] Hillsborough...
[Kylie:] I'd love to see a whole stand c cave in.
[Jean:] God forgive you Willy, that's terrible.
[Raymond:] Oh it's a terrible thing to say Willy.... Terrible....
[Stephen:] No way. played away
[Raymond:] This premier league's gonna do harm to the other
[Stephen:] I know.
[Raymond:] lesser, the smaller divisions
[Stephen:] That's right. Sure they're... Chelsea's on the news last week, they
[Raymond:] Ah that's right....
[Stephen:] It's terrible.
[Raymond:] [yawn]
[Stephen:] You're right ref. Yes, I agree....
[Raymond:] I'd love to see a match where he sent the whole fucking lot off.
[Stephen:] Who?
[Raymond:] I'd love to watch a match where he sent the whole lot off.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] was fighting
[Raymond:] something
[Stephen:] fighting but you know last week, no it wasn't, who was it? Was it... Arsenal?...
[Kylie:] No...
[Stephen:] Who was it?
[speaker008:] Q P R, well who was fighting Dawn?
[Stephen:] Fuck... your big man with
[speaker008:] Macdonald?
[Stephen:] MacDonald.
[speaker008:] ...
[Stephen:] I don't know, was it a tackle or something?... Oh God
[Kylie:] The whole team fighting?
[Stephen:] Ah
[Kylie:] Cos that is quick Dawn.
[Stephen:] Yeah.
[speaker008:] Well Roger Owens is quicker than him.
[Stephen:] Mm
[Kylie:] That he is. Roger Owens is one of the... is the quickest in the first division... so
[Stephen:] Not as fast as...
[Kylie:] Well he's not bad Alan Sharp, Alan Sharp probably the best.
[speaker008:] he's one of the fastest first division....
[Stephen:] We've always to be better like, [tut] that's why they're sitting fourth or fifth in the league.
[Kylie:] Sure they're no worse than this year.
[Stephen:] [tut] Oh yeah there's always next year.
[Kylie:] But if I come one day and Liverpool are from the league, I
[Jean:] ...
[Stephen:] Here goes Smith.
[Raymond:] Ooh!
[Stephen:] Oh I hate that!... Fuck it somebody done that in Liverpool was it stuck up his nose or something? Ooh
[Raymond:] Do you know what they... see years ago what... their fellas used to on the footpath bending over and doing that
[Stephen:] Ah! Urgh.
[Raymond:] You don't see that now.
[Stephen:] No.
[Jean:] still does it.
[Raymond:] Sure look at the night, Saturday night he came round to our door, big black stain... said you're alright man, I was, you're alright man I had a half bottle of cider er er
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] I wouldn't let him through the fucking door.
[Stephen:] Oh fuck. [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] all the time []
[Jean:] [cough] He used to stand, I swear to God
[Raymond:] Aye. I used to that, I used to see the old fellas doing
[Stephen:] Jean, Jean Jean... oh fuck I says Jean don't go
[Jean:] And then when we went for a drink he used to say... are you not buying me a drink? I says no
[Raymond:] He's a fucking old he was.... I'll never forget them cupboards... wardrobe.
[Jean:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] There was four different colours of doors on them. He pu
[Stephen:] What'd he do, paint them?
[Raymond:] No I, I wanted built them wardrobes and I said now Monty whatever you fucking need I'll get
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] []
[Raymond:] I had to one night the fucking er babysitter was half gassed... it's honest, we opened the fucking, she's [mimicking] []
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] he'd punctured the fucking upstairs gas pipe
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] but, and then a fucking second time, the er the gasman laughed at me, says mister I don't know what's happening but this is the second time. I got a bill fifteen pound a time.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Raymond:] So he says to me, see we had three wardrobes in our bedroom
[Stephen:] Aha
[Raymond:] you couldn't get through them
[Stephen:] Mm.
[Raymond:] it was like a maze, and he said to me Raymond you leave it to me, I'll build these cheap as possible, but he made a good, the principle was
[Stephen:] Yes.
[Raymond:] but he used, instead of him buying the wood or getting me to give him the money for the wood, he cannibalized the fucking wardrobes and used the sides and the
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER] Oh fuck []
[Raymond:] see there was three different colours of wood.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]
[Jean:] You could actually inside them.
[Raymond:] You could, er they were, they were a great job
[Stephen:] Aye.
[Raymond:] you know?...
[Jean:] And then he come in to us then and he says to me I'm bleeding and [LAUGHTER] I had to get a plaster for him and he []
[Raymond:] Aye he'd no money.
[Stephen:] Oh [LAUGHTER]...
[Jean:] And Mary, [LAUGHTER] he says []... cos he says every time I come in here
[Raymond:] Sure Gazzie said that about her, went up to her house, I heard her.... Slippers on and a fucking old nightdress... no housecoat.... Oh aye, yes yes yes.
[Jean:] Sure she had our Raymond fucking
[Stephen:] Aye he did.
[Jean:] she had our er Raymond doing her hair for her.
[Stephen:] [LAUGHTER]... what does she think she is?
[Raymond:] Oh.... Yeah I left him one day, we went round to the pub I said don't open that door there's a match on... fucking Ivy gets a phone call all the windows were put fucking in
[Stephen:] Oh.
[Raymond:] They were gonna stab one fella and he fucking and then broke our windows.... Course I mean the m fella would have been stabbed to fucking death if he hadn't.
[Kylie:] Was it our kid?
[Raymond:] Aye down our way.... He wasn't there.
[Jean:] only a wee boy.
[Kylie:] You shouldn't of opened the door Johnny, what did you do.
[Raymond:] He wasn't there, you
[speaker008:] Raymond
[Raymond:] he wasn't there.
[Jean:] It was Raymond and he was only a wee boy. It was Mary says er open the door and let him in because they'll kill him... and then down from the bedroom [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[Stephen:] ...
[Raymond:] Dawn here's this couple of wee, not much I'm afraid.
[Stephen:] Thanks very much,
[speaker008:] I'll send the photographs
[Stephen:] That's nice will you?
[speaker008:] Aye....
[Raymond:] See you later Dawn.
[Stephen:] Aye right, cheerio.
[Raymond:] Cheerio Dawn. Willy put the sauce in and... here, here Willy... here's a cup on the hearth, two cups. It's just to keep it tidy for me and your mummy coming down in the morning son.
[Kylie:] the dog sleeping, he's like.
[Raymond:] I know....
[Jean:] Really need to er get a shovel there's some of that er stuff out there.
[Raymond:] Is there?... Is there much?
[Jean:] A wee pile of it.
[Raymond:] Shouldn't have give him that tin, that's why dogs are... that's why you're instructed to feed a dog once a day or whatever it is.
[Jean:] Yeah.... Don't put people off.... What's he eating?... What are you eating?... Johnny think she wants him to do some
[speaker008:] ...
[Jean:] Well I done the dishes, I'm not doing them.
[Raymond:] I'll do them love sure you know that.... [shouting] Johnny... do you want the T V off []?... Looked so fed up tonight love.
[Jean:] Who?
[Raymond:] Is something wrong in the house? Dawn.
[Jean:] She and er... she was telling me about David's mama, she said David's mama says, you know, told her to come over at night you know
[Raymond:] Ah
[Jean:] to keep her company in the house... and she went over the other night... she said because when the kids are in bed, she's on her own
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Jean:] and when she went over she says er... school being off, she heard er David saying something about... well nobody's keeping me from my ironing.
[Raymond:] She heard David saying?
[Jean:] No she heard her saying that... and she says to me I was so mad
[Raymond:] Aye hurt.
[Jean:] Hurt. And she says now you know and Raymond knows that I bring David
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Jean:] and...
[speaker008:] Here give us one of these.
[Raymond:] No away you go.
[speaker008:] [tut] Starving.
[Jean:] Take a Kit-Kat.
[speaker008:] Nobody thought to ask, offer us any supper tonight like.
[Raymond:] Hey come here, come here! Come here! Come here son. What do you mean supper?
[Jean:] Hey Johnny come here! Johnny! I took, wait till I tell you come here, I I was gonna make Kelly and me sandwiches but I hadn't enough for Dee and his girl and er I wasn't gonna make tea for, for
[Raymond:] Now Johnny we won't make any difference... you know that now and Ah it's a wee bit like saying that about us....
[Jean:] Fuck he's trembling.
[Raymond:] Wouldn't you after throwing up though love?... And what?
[Jean:] And erm
[Raymond:] She takes him everywhere, yeah.
[Jean:] she says like er she says you know Jean... she says well... I just sat there and she says I'm away and I went over she says because it was her
[Raymond:] Ah she
[Jean:] thought like... she says so I just, you know, ignored her and she says then the next day... she was out doing her windows and she shouted over to Dawn... ah... hello Dawn and Da Dawn just says hiya.
[speaker008:] [shouting] Where are they mummy []?
[Jean:] [shouting] You know where the cauliflower is?... Pull that tray out [].
[speaker008:] [shouting] What []?
[Jean:] [shouting] Pull that tray out []
[Raymond:] ... big ones?......
[Jean:] And she says ah David's er... she says later on in the day she says to him are you playing? And David says... te shouts er tell her er about er when Dawn was doing her and she says I opened the window she says I says... what was that you were gonna say to er Ashley? Your mummy what?... And er she says er... the next thing was that... if er, she says she heard him saying if you let me play in your back garden, this that he's playing with, we'll give you a sweet. And she says er oh, she says, she... and she says and she says Ashley... come on you don't need sweet their sweets... and you're not gonna be blackmailed. There's sweets here, there's plenty of sweets for you, come over here and play.... And she sent the er kids over to her house with an Easter egg each, you know?
[Raymond:] Mhm.
[Jean:] And there were a tap at the door... and the hand come out
[speaker008:] [shouting] []?
[Jean:] just took the Easter eggs and slammed the door in her face. And she says Jean you know... well you can see er she says... you know the day before Ros was in Lisburn and she says you know the way when you're standing and from the back you can feel somebody that their eyes are penetrating through you... and she said she happened to turn round and there she's sitting in, in this girl's car and just er looked at her like that. And she says I just turned away too. Nothing.... And er she says Jean I swear to God she says if she comes over near my door, I've told Jim she says, I, I'm ready for her... I'll beat her round that square and she said I'm not like that but she says that's just the way she says, and she hurt my kids... when I sent them Easter eggs over, doing that she says, that really galled me, she says cos they were hurting my kids rather than me.
[Raymond:] Oh aye.
[Jean:] And er she says like when I think of me keeping her child overnight and all before it's in hospital and running down to hospital three or four times when he was in the hospital, and taking him sweets and all, and she says she's treating me like shit....
[speaker008:] dad.
[Raymond:] Right.
[Jean:] Right. And er... she says not only that she says er... David is er... saying to er Michelle come on and play with me and er come on in and play with me and, when Michelle will go in, he pushes Ashley out of the road and says well you're not getting into my house....
[Raymond:] Did Johnny give you a kick there?
[Kylie:] N I don't
[Raymond:] Last night....
[Jean:] No he said... or she....
[speaker008:] [shouting] Dee's calling for me at ten. Bring him in and give me a shout. []
[Jean:] [shouting] We'll not be here []
[speaker008:] [shouting] Who won't []?
[Jean:] [shouting] Your daddy and me []
[speaker008:] [shouting] Time yous going at []?
[Jean:] Nine.... And she says
[speaker008:] [shouting] Well give me a shout before yous go [].
[Raymond:] Right.
[Jean:] I'm bloody well she says. But she says I've had... but she says and she says she was the one wanted me over to sit...
[Raymond:] Aye.
[Jean:] er and keep her company cos he was at work and the kids were in bed, and she says I went over and sat with her and had a cup of coffee and a smoke and I sat with her, you know, till she was ready for bed.
[Raymond:] Ah.
[Jean:] But er she said no that's me finished.... She says
[Raymond:] Aha. Mhm
[Jean:] ... She said honest to God Jean she said... I said I know how you feel....
[Raymond:] life's... strange.
[Jean:] That's what I said, well I says life can be a bitch I says.
[Raymond:] Aye....
[Jean:] And, ah, oh aye, and she says they're out playing and the s and she says you know what kids are like Jean, and she says like I wouldn't try even to say to my kids not to go near them because you wouldn't tell them because they're only kids... and she says they're like playing in the square and she says like I would David and down here you know when I was coming down
[Raymond:] That's right.
[Jean:] she says but she come out and got her wee one in the car and not David and the wee, the other wee boy into the car and left Michelle or Ashley standing there and drove off.... And then er when they came back he says she says you know and I just says... er and when she got out of the car, Dawn was out in the gar in the garden walking, and she said she just got out of the car and she looked over at Dawn like that... took the kids in and she said I just says... here you are, she said, come on Ashley over here, you stay and play in your back and your side of the er street from now on....
[Raymond:] But it's no way to settle an argument by ignoring it you know it or... letting your er letting your
[Jean:] She says
[Raymond:] mind run riot. You, I mean, if she... if she likes the girl, which she obviously does, why not just rap her door or wait till she sees her and say you know whatever you call it, did I do something on you, and why are you treating me like that but th
[Jean:] well she says she can't understand
[Raymond:] this silent business or silent treatment er it only leads to worse trouble.
[Jean:] She says she can't understand why she's getting the treatment she's getting from her.... And the bus fares is going up Monday?
[Raymond:] Ah yeah, another five P, sixty five P.... Fucking extortionate bastards.... There's no justification for it.
[Jean:] No....
[Raymond:] They're too expensive as it is....
[Jean:] Well it just means people, if there's gonna be three people...
[Raymond:] They blame it on the bombers.
[Jean:] Sixty five P.
[Raymond:] The bus has been burned and the bus has been blew up and hijacked
[Jean:] That's one ninety five for three people, plus for the extra couple of coppers you're gonna get for door to door delivery
[Raymond:] Yeah.
[Jean:] and they'll not er, they'll not, people'll not be using the buses as often like.... double decker when that stopped then they would
[Raymond:] Mhm. Aye...
[Jean:] it would stop the er the bus fares would go down. Christ they've done that for, the double decker... Used to... cos they was waiting in the come round to get
[Raymond:] Mm.
[Jean:] and I said to John... I'll make yous tea,...... Now Raymond come on to bed son.
[Raymond:] What's wrong Jean?
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] Right we'll go to bed.... Good dog Patch, good dog.... Raymond... Raymond What? Come on and get your breakfast.... Hurry up.... Oh no!... [belch]... Patch get out of there.... Patch... stop eating that.... Lovely.... Who's up?... Good it's er twenty past eight.
[Jean:] I've got diarrhoea again.
[Raymond:] Oh. Come on Patch. Patch. [whistling] Do you want an egg?
[Jean:] No.
[Raymond:] Right, Patch... Get him down here Jean.... Alright love.... [sneeze] Ye gods.... [cough]... [cough]... [shouting] Are you getting ready Jean []?... Are you getting ready?... [sigh]... [shouting] Jean get Raymond up.... Jean [], your egg's ready... your toast.... Jean do you want tea and toast?... Right Raymond it's up to you, come on.... [shouting] Are you up Raymond []?... What have you got... Patch?... What have you got?... [sigh]... Here's your breakfast Raymond.... What?
[Jean:] use the last...
[Raymond:] Whose is this cigarette? Oh... Spilled my cup of tea over the tablecloth....
[Jean:] That's only clean on yesterday too.
[Raymond:] Well... wasn't it better than around my knees though? Eh?... ? out of it... or your... place. [sniff] chewed to ribbons.
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] I dunno, wee round one. Mm. [cough] And the curtain was away way back, that one at the T V.
[Jean:] She's gonna have to go again...
[Raymond:] [speaking with mouth full]... Patch come here!... Come here. Lie down. That's it. Lie down!... Good dog. There's another Tarzan picture. What? ... Ah... well as long as he,Pa Patch! Come here.... Take him over here Raymond, oh no he's sitting beside you, you're alright.... Brownie's not as bad this morning Jean.... He's not as... All the programmes are changed this morning, the youngsters being off school and so instead of the news it's all these youngster's programmes. That means Steven and Kelly will sit in there all day....
[Jean:] Poor Johnny never got much sleep last night.
[Raymond:] Aye he was sick twice Raymond.... Him had a dose of the screaming heebies.... Wouldn't bung us an ashtray on your way past, is it up there? Or is it on the hearth? Big brown one.... Well what's happening this morning Jean, where we going?... Are you gonna get your hair done or are you gonna stay here?... Well can you not go down in the morning when you're a bit better?... Or come down later on today.... Eh?...
[Jean:] ...
[Raymond:] I'm not trying to stop you going down Jean... do you know that now, don't you? Ah but you're not the... You know I'm not going down by bloody choice... no not by choice....
[Jean:] It's just that
[Raymond:] Yes well you can tell me what they're getting and I'll take them down.... Those pictures are awful on T V Jean... what have you found Jean? Jean, what? Come away from your mouth, take it away from your mouth, you feel what?
[Jean:] Sick
[Raymond:] Sick, Jesus... [cough]...
[Jean:] [cough]...
[Raymond:] You know that fella that Maurice er that plays Tarzan Johnny Weismuller, whatever you call him, I met his... what do I say, a girl who, who was a cousin to him, aha, she was a yank of course
[Jean:] [cough]... [cough]
[Raymond:] Will you remember about the letter? Give us a fag I have none no, no, no, leave us a couple just on the table and yourself
[Jean:] [yawning] Who were gonna buy you a packet []?...
[Raymond:] There's four, you get a packet in there
[Jean:] er if you see er this morning, say I've got
[Raymond:] listen son, you see Thomas about those er...
[Jean:] alarm
[Raymond:] alarm, I hope they're not running about in the barn all day going bad, we'll all get fucking poisoned, did you leave us a couple? [cough] Great, you got your bus money? You okay now son? Yeah See you later Alright watch yourself Yeah Cheerio now Mum what your mum'll be here she says Oh... Jean, we'll go down to where's the fifty P shop or something and buy some of those do, er cornflakes' plates or something, say they're gonna fill those other ones up that the man give us a mere seven, eight ones, only leaves us four ordinary, you see I know for a fact that Sally say he was caught
[Jean:] Pardon?
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] ...
[Raymond:] you watching it?... Ah, I don't trust him...
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] How do you feel love?
[Jean:] Awful
[Raymond:] [cough] Well I'll go and get ready then, I'm not going yet right, I'll get on my shirt and I'll take the bed down and tidy up, right, and rake that fire out, do you hear the dogs snoring?...
[Jean:] [cough]... [belch]... [belch]... [cough]... All I heard our Johnny saying was, why, why hasn't Jean and me have a
[Raymond:] That's a point...
[Jean:] [cough]... [yawning] Oh God []
[Raymond:] John said he's going to get you one of those T-shirts, I get one anyway if you wanna try... sit there all morning after yesterday, you think our Jeanie went to the court?
[Jean:] No
[Raymond:] Cos I was, I said to the youngsters yesterday, I says I'll tell you what we'll do, we'll just take your trainers tomorrow, or we'll go down the town and put your competition paintings in and then we'll come round and get the bus up home, and then I thought ah the hell with it we'll go on down to York Street [sniff]
[Jean:] Now we are down this far
[Raymond:] now we are down that far, so I did everything so I've nothing to do for them this morning, just sit there...
[Jean:] Is that Wayne?
[Raymond:] I don't think so love... there's the first of the money lender so only a big one, once only a hundred, if I had dough, that much money Jean
[Jean:] right, over here
[Raymond:] was she also surprised?
[Jean:] [cough] Got my
[Raymond:] oh
[Jean:] [cough]
[Raymond:] I told you I saw Charlene
[Jean:] What?
[Raymond:] saw Charlene, did, wait until I get a shirt on and my socks Jean, oh watch the wee dog doesn't get out Jean, watch yourself
[Jean:] Where's the dog?
[Raymond:] It's alright... I get it... come in
[Jean:] You're early...
[Raymond:] Ah... come in... [cough]... You ready for this?
[speaker008:] Yes
[Raymond:] Well up, well I've only got about er, we're only on ninth one just
[speaker008:] That's great, that's great, sure, sure you only got it
[Raymond:] and now there all full up
[speaker008:] on Wednesday
[Raymond:] Aha, I put it er
[speaker008:] that's marvellous
[Raymond:] I put it everywhere, see Jean didn't I?
[speaker008:] I take it now and give you your