[Vera:] When it said about erm... when she said about Alice went to Florida
[Murray:] Yeah?
[Vera:] and says erm we've not been talking to her... it sa she's not the one to write.
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] But I think it, you know, the fact that she isn't wri that's nothing unusual is it?...
[Murray:] Not as far as I'm concerned.
[Vera:] [reading] On her Christmas card I told her I was anxious to hear about her trip but there was no reply [].... But er when she says I'm not talking to her she means she hasn't spoke to her over the telephone
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] so it's erm... there's nothing, you know, about that er she's quiet anyway in't she? Well if Shirley and... Marguerite are off to Florida they could be there now couldn't they?
[Murray:] they said February.
[Vera:] Well if they're going in t if they'd two weeks in February, this was written in January... they're probably there now. We might er... we might get a card from her... [phone rings]...
[Murray:] [phonecall starts] Hello [telephone conversation ends]
[Vera:] wrong number on the phone?
[Murray:] Yeah....
[Vera:] Said the erm wind chill factor is twenty two below... so that's... wind chill factor, that means it's not that temperature otherwise when there's a... you know the, the gale force wind or erm
[Murray:] It's twenty... two... below... from thirty two
[Vera:] Mm.
[Murray:] it's twenty two so that means that it's ten degrees... ten above zero.
[Vera:] Mm.
[Murray:] That is very cold.
[Vera:] Yeah.... It says [reading] wish you could see the shots John has taken. He carries a portfolio with him when he goes out to work... he has them blown up []. He goes out to work, that means he's going round to the various houses and...
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] and taking photographs of the erm rooms before he does all the changing I suppose?
[Murray:] Yeah absolutely.
[Vera:] The upholstery and the curtains and whatever
[Murray:] It doesn't show it on this but you see there's two zeros, there's your freezing mark there right?
[Vera:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Murray:] That's thirty two.
[Vera:] Yeah.
[Murray:] Now down here, under the ten
[Vera:] Well look what's
[Murray:] there's another zero
[Vera:] what's that twenty two there?... Is that the bottom of the er gauge?
[Murray:] Bottom of the scale, yeah.
[Vera:] So they couldn't get much colder?
[Murray:] No.... No but when they say... when they say i it's twenty... twenty below, it's twenty below that zero there, see there's ten
[Vera:] Oh yeah I realize that. Yes I realize that. But erm twenty, twenty two below... [LAUGHTER] you know it's
[Murray:] Well I've been in eighteen below zero
[Vera:] I know so have I.
[Murray:] and that... that
[Vera:] So have I, it was eighteen below... when we was there that time. I remember eighteen below. [LAUGHTER]
[Murray:] And I'm telling you, boy that is cold.
[Vera:] I [LAUGHTER] know [].
[Murray:] Mind you there's a difference between below zero and below freezing.
[Vera:] Yeah. I realize that.... Er n back to these snaps that erm John takes... but as I said they're pictures of the rooms before he alters them, before he puts in a new decor,th the upholstery, furnishings and the erm
[Murray:] Well he alre he already deals in curtains
[Vera:] er curt drapes
[Murray:] and drapes.
[Vera:] Yeah well he probably does the soft covers and what not
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] you know? But er... but when Marguerite says... she's thinking of having a couple for her living room that can't be pictures of somebody else's room she's putting up, he must be taking snaps.
[Murray:] Er the hunting snaps they're on about.
[Vera:] Oh the hunting snaps.
[Murray:] The deer.
[Vera:] Well it didn't mention that though did it? It just said he carries a portfolio and he, you know, when he goes out to work....
[Murray:] I imagine he's had an enlargement of... the deer he killed.
[Vera:] Yeah. I didn't realize Harry was that age. Cos I forget that he's that much older than you.
[Murray:] Who was?
[Vera:] Ha When are you gonna start learning to play Chinese patience?
[Murray:] I haven't got the patience.
[Vera:] Well you could learn.... It's not a game I can play on my own. It's quite a good game actually. Next time you get the cards out we'll have, we'll try it. Either that or American gin rummy.... Alright?
[Murray:] So you say.
[Vera:] Well it'd be a change from cribbage wouldn't it?...
[Murray:] Oh can't beat cribbage.
[Vera:] Ah maybe not but it'd be a change.... One of these afternoons when it's cold and wet... we'll get the cards out and play Chinese patience. Alright?
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] Good.... Right. Have you got enough there? [tv or radio on]
[Murray:] I should think so, providing that 's not too loud....
[Vera:] Right I was just reading here about... about er er the funeral in Northern Ireland and the... minister wouldn't let the erm... flag draped coffins... of two I R A go into the church with the... insignia and whatever on top of the coffins there. And then there's one about the erm... a protestant pastor blamed the seventeen year old death, that fellow that, that young man in the video shop that was erm... shot down... the father blamed the British government.... He said if the, if he, he was shot dead at a Belfast video shop, he said... [reading] if this was happening in England or on the streets of London the response of the government would be totally different [] well it has happened in London. It has happened in London, what about all the shootings and bombings?...
[Murray:] Oh er er I understand, yeah. I wonder if they can deduce what that is?...
[Vera:] Just reading here where it says that erm... B and Q... they're having a slanging match with Texas [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] cutting all their prices []... paints... tools... they're trying to outdo them with the prices. They've got the whole page in the paper.
[Murray:] They'll be throwing rocks at each down here at Fleets Bridge....
[Vera:] Look it says here that... [reading] bridging the Watford Gap. Two families discover how the divide between the north and the south is narrowing []. Now... Northampton is twenty one miles from Bedford... now we were never classed as living in the south when we lived there. And yet
[Murray:] No.
[Vera:] they're saying Bedford is in the south. Bedford is definitely not in the south. Bedford is in the south midlands the same as Northampton was, and is, I should say. And it says [reading] two families discover how the divide between the north and south is narrowing []. Bedford is not in the south! Bedford is in the midlands, it's the south east midlands.
[Murray:] There is an imaginary line, or they used to call it... from Birmingham to the Wash... anything below that is the south.
[Vera:] Well it's not the south is it?... I mean to me they've, London is classed as the south.
[Murray:] Bedford is more south east.
[Vera:] It's south east midlands, it isn't the south east. It's the, it's the south, southern midlands, south midlands. It's twenty one miles from Northampton, they never cla I mean down here people think Northampton is in the north. Northampton you see and they think it's up the north.
[Murray:] Well it is, hundred and forty three miles north of here.
[Vera:] Yeah it's not the north is it? It's the, it's the south midlands. It used to be the south east midlands, now it's classed as the south midlands... but Bedford, twenty one miles along the road there, and they call it the south.... Well it certainly isn't.
[Murray:] Well where do these people live?
[Vera:] Well erm two families discover how the divide between north and south is narrowing and one lives at... Wigan... one family lives at Wigan and the other family, no er yeah the other family live at Bedford. And two families discover how the the divide between the two is narrowing.
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] [reading] After three years of property slump in the home counties it has never been easier to leap over the Watford Gap by moving from the north to the south []. They're talking about the Watford Gap, not about Watford itself. The Watford Gap is a service station isn't it, on the M one?
[Murray:] Yeah....
[Vera:] Watford is erm... when you used to come out on the old...
[Murray:] I know where Watford is....
[Vera:] I shall have to read it, it's about two families, they're changing directions.... There's another one here... Knutsford, Stratford-upon-Avon, now
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] since when has Stratford on Avon been south? That again you see Northampton lays be in the middle of those two, it's twenty one miles to Bedford one side and thirty miles to Stratford on Avon the other side. And they class it as the south. Bloody ridiculous.
[Murray:] Well it is, technically speaking, south of a
[Vera:] If you lived in
[Murray:] given point.
[Vera:] well if you lived in Scotland, Stratford on Avon is south, anywhere is south isn't it, in England?... I expect you'd say Stratford on Avon is south.... Mind you any, I wouldn't wanna move from Stratford on Avon if I lived there to go [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] and live further north [].... Stratford on Avon is a lovely place.... Quite expensive to live there I'd think. Think the property's quite expensive. But it's certainly a nice place to live.
[Murray:] Ah it would be because er you have to pay for being near the bard.
[Vera:] Oh I don't know about that.... No it's a pretty place.... see they've got Tina Turner tonight. Tina Turner on... the Wogan Show. Have to watch that. Kenny Everett, Lorna Luft
[Murray:] Oh Mary Mary will be pleased.
[Vera:] Erm... Kenny Everett, Lorna Luft and Wayne Sleep. Seven o'clock. It clashes with Family Fortunes... but I must remember to... tape that mustn't I?... Put it on the video.
[Murray:] Which one?
[Vera:] Wogan... with Gloria Hunniford. Tina Turner...
[Murray:] As long as it doesn't clash with...
[Vera:] No
[Murray:] Brookie.
[Vera:] Oh no.... The only thing that clashes with that is... eight o'clock... Alf Garnett.... Who was that speaking then?
[Murray:] The announcer.
[Vera:] Well ha! I meant who was it that was saying that it doesn't matter?...
[Murray:] The priest....
[Vera:] So it... he said it didn't matter even if it was rape, she's still got to have the baby, that it?
[Murray:] Yeah....
[Vera:] It's terrible isn't it?... Oh... You switched it off did you?...
[Murray:] Never touched it.
[Vera:] Oh.... Oh sport... winter Olympics [reading] the first two runs on the four man bobsleigh which represents one of Britain's brightest medal hopes []. I think tonight though it's got to... the women's figure skating championship. Joanne Conway's gone back to... to take part in it. She came back home didn't she? To be with her boyfriend....
[Murray:] Yes.
[Vera:] Catchword tonight is on at five O five... instead of four o'clock... because they've got sport on all afternoon.
[Murray:] Catchword?
[Vera:] Catchword's on at five O five... it follows Countdown...
[Murray:] Mm.
[Vera:] on a different station of course.... Yeah mustn't forget that, changed the time of that.
[Murray:] But they haven't said too much about it in the paper.
[Vera:] No I mean usually they show you on the T V when they're leaving don't they? But I think they, they probably play it down a bit these days. There's a picture of her here and er [reading] cheering Australians welcome the queen to Sidney with a banner proclaiming good day Betty [] Betty!
[Murray:] [LAUGHTER]
[Vera:] Can you imagine anybody here doing that to the queen? Good day Betty, that just shows, doesn't it, how erm... the sort of... respect or disrespect, whatever you'd like to
[Murray:] Yeah.
[Vera:] call it, they have got for royalty because to call the queen Betty, she's smiling but I wonder if she feels like smiling. It says thousands have packed city centre to cheer her... and it said the fervour surprised republicans who have criticized the visit.... Yeah... I suppose they will be a republic sooner or later, by the year two thousand probably. Er... ooh better make a move.
[Murray:] What do you want?...
[Vera:] Well I don't know whether I want... let's see what this is in this parcel that came this morning....... Right... night over water music... loves to dance,, ooh the Darling Buds of May is in here, that's nice isn't it?... Oh what is it?... Where is it?... Oh this is illustrated as well.
[Murray:] Look at the preface.
[Vera:] Yeah, this is illustrated. Page four three three... four three three... oh... the end of the book.
[Murray:] [cough]...
[Vera:] Look at that properly in a minute.... [LAUGHTER]... Free gift... Do, throw away, do not eat, throw away d what's that supposed to be for then?
[Murray:] Let's have a look....
[Vera:] It just says throw it away do not eat it, well what's the object of it?...
[Murray:] [reading] Desiccant silica gel, throw away []
[Vera:] Yeah but what's the object of it, in, in there? Why is it in there?
[Murray:] It don't say... on the box?
[Vera:] No.... Nothing.... Right, let's see what this says....
[Murray:] Well that is, to me, absolutely stupid.
[Vera:] Yeah.
[Murray:] Throw away, do not eat.
[Vera:] Yeah but what... I don't know why it's in there anyway. What's the ob oh wait a minute, perhaps this is, tells you... [reading] the attached carton... the attached carton contains your surprise gift, a handsome acacia wood salt cellar made to a sturdy traditional design it's finished in an attractive shade that enhances the natural grain of the wood. The cellar's chunky good looks make it equally at home in your kitchen, dining room or breakfast tray.... Free with your next value the matching pepper mill [].... Mm doesn't say what it, the object of that is in the... packet there.... Have to read this letter... have to read this afterwards... see what it says....... Right...