[Audrey:] How's it gone today?
[Gordon:] Not bad.
[Audrey:] Good. Good.
[Gordon:] That's all?
[Audrey:] Good. But now he
[Gordon:] I've been watching videos most of the day.
[Audrey:] Have you? Why?
[Gordon:] Did this this morning...... watching a video. It was on evacuation.
[Audrey:] Oh! Was it?
[Gordon:] It was really good, especially for schools.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] You know, I mean, why teach with chalk and talk. Why not just put a video on?
[Audrey:] Well fancy that!
[Gordon:] Cos it's all there, you know. Er, it was really good. Er and it's... only half an hour.
[Audrey:] Was it all about evacuees?
[Gordon:] About half an hour, you know. Well, German evacu evacuees, but it's all condensed so that you got a lot of information.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Not like a drawn out television programme, you know?
[Audrey:] Oh! I'd like to have
[Gordon:] And
[Audrey:] seen that.
[Gordon:] people relating stories about how they... you know, people lived in these la ca they lived in slums really... they, they quoted Lancashire.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] People lived in slums. And they went out into the country... to these evacuated people and they, they thought they were in absolute
[Audrey:] Heaven.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] It says, and when they got there... lot of these kids were dirty... they had head lice
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Gordon:] he said they,th they, they stunk he said, the wa they were in a terrible state!
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] He said, the shoes are falling off their feet. And these people took them in... cleaned them up... put them in like a bloody sheet, [LAUGHTER] and all sorts he said []
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] and they really, and they all got an allowance... from the government
[Audrey:] That's right.
[Gordon:] for these kids you see. And they got the, well got them all new clothes
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] and then er... regarded them as their own, you know.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] And they said, and they loved it! Thought they were in heaven!
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yes.
[Gordon:] Sa this wo this kid went out having this bloody bath... [LAUGHTER] said can we not do this every day? You know, he []
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] but a bath was something never seen before you know.
[Audrey:] Probably had one every year.
[Gordon:] So he had to wait in the house and er... now it's bed time now. So she said, I'll show you to your bedroom... and there was two sisters, and she says, you sleep in that bed and you sleep in that bed. Two single beds in the room.
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[Gordon:] She said, we can't do that. She says, why not? She said we always sleep together
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] sister and me.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] She said, why do you do that? Says, well... if I wake up in the night and my sister's not there I'll think someone's taken her or she's run away, I'll be frightened. And the same applies the other way so we always stick together.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] So we can't sleep in separate beds. She said oh we always sleep in separate beds here. We never have two in a bed. She said oh at home we have five in a bed. [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... That's true enough!
[Gordon:] That was bloody true [LAUGHTER] as well!
[Audrey:] Yeah it was. By Jiminy! When they lived in two up and two down.
[Gordon:] So... she said, and then we got undressed she said, and I got in bed... in my er... my vest and knickers... and th and the lady said where's your pyjamas? [LAUGHTER] She said I haven't got any and I don't know anybody else who has []!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Yes, it was an eye-opener for half these people.
[Gordon:] Oh! It er, you know, it was very, very good it was.
[Audrey:] Oh I know.
[Gordon:] Well I... well, you can imagine living in these bloody back to back slums.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Gordon:] And going to some like little farm house.
[Audrey:] Oh yes! Oh I know.
[Gordon:] Nice lace curtains and open fields and
[Audrey:] Mm. Mm.
[Gordon:] it was just paradise!
[Audrey:] Must have been. Must have been.
[Gordon:] Cos they said, they di this bloke said... I didn't know anything like that existed.
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] I thought everywhere was like where I was.
[Audrey:] That's right. Didn't know anything.
[Gordon:] Cobbled streets and bloody back yards, you see.
[Audrey:] That's right. And all smoky. Oh I know. Well fo well there was some lads from Liverpool that was evacuated when we were evacuated. Oh! God! They were filthy!
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] I mean... not just filthy i er... bodily but they had filthy habits.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] They were terrible! And in fact, I think they only la they didn't last a week. They were sent
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] back.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I'd like to have seen that.
[Gordon:] Ooh he was saying tha that, that a million... not a million old people, blind people... sick people, kids
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] were, were dispatched in about a day!
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Twenty four hours.
[Audrey:] It's incredible!
[Gordon:] He said it was a, a, a tremendous er
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] achievement, you know
[Audrey:] Mm. Mm.
[Gordon:] to get all these people. Then of course, then when they... the kids went up, didn't know where they were going, and the parents didn't know... but they found new found freedom because all the bloody kids had gone to the countryside
[Audrey:] That's it.
[Gordon:] mother and father on their own... they're going out dancing and er
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] and enjoying their ruddy [LAUGHTER] selves didn't they []?
[Audrey:] And didn't want them back.
[Gordon:] And then she was going out making money on munitions.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] So there's a big income coming and no kids to feed.
[Audrey:] Yes. Yeah.
[Gordon:] And then of course, this was all blown when... th the raids stopped for a quite a long time, all these bloody kids came back!
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] And they didn't really want them back at that time.
[Audrey:] Oh I know. I know
[Gordon:] They were quite happy where they were you see.
[Audrey:] Mm.... Yeah, it's amazing really.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Aye.
[Gordon:] That's a, it's a really good er, video.... Then er, after that have another, I was watching another one then... about the er... first world war, you know.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] That was good too.
[Audrey:] See, it just shows you what kind of visi videos are really, for, you know,
[Gordon:] Oh ye er this had got educational video on the thing
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] you know, and it comes on. That... you se it was, it was on here a few times... he talks deliberately, and rather slow
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] you know,yo... usually, a dark haired chap... re got like a bit of a Yo... Yorkshire northern accent.
[Audrey:] Oh I don't know who you mean.
[Gordon:] Er, oh! What was he in?
[Audrey:] Don't know.
[Gordon:] Oh! I don't know his name. Erm
[Audrey:] Not James
[Gordon:] [mimicking] And all these kids came together, and they all went [], you know, that's how he talks.
[Audrey:] Mm. No. Can't place who you mean.
[Gordon:] No, well he comes on here.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] He's very slow and deliberate.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] But he's a good er... good sort of narrator
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] you know.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Oh!... Oh. I got er, I got the er, I went, I went
[Gordon:] Ah tha them look, them look alright, them
[Audrey:] D'ya know those were reduced from thirty one pounds to fourteen.
[Gordon:] Were they?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yes []. Yeah!
[Gordon:] Good buy that then.
[Audrey:] So I thought, well i yo in a, in a presentation box
[Gordon:] Yeah!
[Audrey:] and everything.
[Gordon:] It was a good
[Audrey:] Er, I just think yo er, you know, you couldn't be bit for that. So while I was there
[Gordon:] Couldn't for that could you?
[Audrey:] Well yo... you know when I looked round Gordon there was nothing, nothing less than that really. And I thought well, it's for an engagement present, just sort of two
[Gordon:] Yes, it's ideal.
[Audrey:] it's er ideal, and they like wine... so
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I thought it would be er... ideal. They had quite a lot of sa er... glassware erm... on er... half price. Or le more than half price really. Less than half price I should say.
[Gordon:] That's good.
[Audrey:] So while I was there I went to have a look at the erm... the microwaves for Carl.
[Gordon:] Oh yes.
[Audrey:] And er, he was very helpful in Rackhams. He really was. Erm,an bu and he knew his stuff as well. And he, and he said really he sa he said have you got one? So I said yes, I we I explained why I wa I was asking the question, I said it was for my son, and er... I said, but mine's just a, a microwave I sa and he said, well he said... they re the combination ones now he said are really... you know, what you need. He, so, I said well I don't know much about the combination. So he said, well they have a grill... at the top he says, so if you're cooking a chicken... instead of it coming out pale... th the grill will come on... and it will brown it
[Gordon:] Oh I see.
[Audrey:] and it's got a, but it's been cooked by the microwave, you know.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And a and also, I mean, it was, and it was a Panasonic one this, erm... what you do, if you were doing a jacket top potato, you er would weigh the potato and, and then... erm... put in the weight, say it was six ounces, and all you do then is press erm... jacket potato, you don't have to put any time, it automatically does it for the time.
[Gordon:] And that er, that's what it is on the thing, jacket potato on there?
[Audrey:] Oh yes. Yes.
[Gordon:] Mhm.
[Audrey:] You know. It was really, it was very good. Now... how much wa he's written it down, I've got some catalogues as well. And there was. And you can buy now, which I didn't know, erm, a microwave which is a conventional oven as well! You know
[Gordon:] Oh aye!
[Audrey:] so you can do away with an with your big ovens.
[Gordon:] Oh yeah.
[Audrey:] It's got a grilling, so you can grill your... er... steak and so forth, your microwave and er, a fan assisted oven... all in one!
[Gordon:] That's what you need like at the top for your er
[Audrey:] That's right. To stand it on.
[Gordon:] Yes, but yo
[Audrey:] Er the hob.
[Gordon:] you need the hob don't you?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] I'm thinking if you've got one of these built in things you could
[Audrey:] That's right. Yes. Yeah. But, as I say, I we I went there and I got all the information there, and then I went into Dixons and I... [LAUGHTER]... I did what they did on the television, you know, started talking and... so I said well er, you know, do you have the er... ha I noticed that there was erm... no finance er
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] you know, interest. So he said, oh no that's only on the Sharp and on washing machines. So I said, well... how about anything off for cash? So they said no, erm, erm... if you can beat that price we will pay you the difference. So I said, oh. So he said erm... but we ha being refurbished in four weeks' time and we've got to sell everything in the shop
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] and he said you will then get it cheaper. He said er, is your son desperate for it? So I said, no, he don't get married for six weeks. So he said, well he said tell him to come in in about four weeks time he said, we'll be getting rid of everything.
[Gordon:] Mm!
[Audrey:] So, you know, but they hadn't got... the selection that Rackhams had.
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] You know. Rackhams had, you know, like the Panasonics and
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Hitachi and so forth. They were, really good.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] So
[Gordon:] [blowing nose]
[Audrey:] I had a good nosey round.
[Gordon:] Mm!
[Audrey:] Ooh! It was cold.
[Gordon:] It's bloody cold today!
[Audrey:] And plus I nearly got kno
[Gordon:] By Christ! It is.
[Audrey:] I nearly got knocked down.
[Gordon:] You didn't? What did you do?
[Audrey:] A bloody, a bloody car came through on red! The green man was flashing... and we were crossing it and it just li I had to jump back onto the pavement!
[Gordon:] Bloody hell!
[Audrey:] A woman said, my God! And it came through on red Gordon! You know where the er, the er MacDonalds is on the corner?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] There! I was crossing there.... I couldn't believe it. Everybody sort of, you know, they were, they were just absolutely staggered! It frightened me to death!
[Gordon:] I bet it did. Mm.
[Audrey:] I mean the... the green man was flashing so all lights were on red.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Well... it came through... anyhow. Oh we are. Absolutely dearest.... [yawn]... [yawning] Oh dear [].
[Gordon:] Did you get a hat then?
[Audrey:] No, I had a look... ha, in Rackhams again. Erm, I saw a few white hats... but erm... I tried a couple on, I thought one would have suited me, but it didn't. Didn't suit me at all. Anyhow, so I didn't, I didn't bother. I saw a pair of shoes, if my grey shoes don't go with this dress, I've seen a pair of shoes that I like. You know. Well I have to, I, I'll have to have Elaine with me about the hat because er... I prefer somebody else with me
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] really, when I'm buying a hat. Have to wait and see. It was quite crowded though.... I er, I sar I said to... I was talking to this bloke in Rackhams and I, I said do you still have your late night on a... Thursday? So they said yes. He said, in fact, we're open every night now till six o'clock. He said we don't open in the morning till half past nine.
[Gordon:] Oh!
[Audrey:] He said, cos we find people weren't coming in at nine o'clock, you know
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] so we prefer to keep open till... half past... till six o'clock at night. I thought I bet the cus I bet the er staff are not very pleased about that.
[Gordon:] It's late innit?
[Audrey:] Course it, by the time you, you've got, you've cashed up and everything
[Gordon:] And got home and you
[Audrey:] and you've got home
[Gordon:] quarter to seven innit?
[Audrey:] Course it is.
[Gordon:] Seven o'clock perhaps?
[Audrey:] Yes. So... never mind.
[Gordon:] [yawning] Well I wouldn't fancy that [].
[Audrey:] No I wouldn't either.... [yawning] I really wouldn't []. Hello Margaret.
[Margaret:] Hello.
[Audrey:] She is in. She's upsta
[Margaret:] Oh.
[Audrey:] Will you just turn light out under the cheese Gordon please?... She's upstairs somewhere.... Suzie. Suzie!... [cat noise] Hello sweetheart. Come on. Go on, downstairs. Good girl. Good girl. Look! Int she a madam?
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Here's your mum. Come on. [cat noise]... There we are. There we are. Oh. [cat noise] D'ya know when
[Margaret:] Ooh! Ooh!
[Audrey:] Gordon puts his coat on
[Margaret:] You soft thing.
[Audrey:] to go, to
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] she does she goes up the stairs.
[Margaret:] You're very naughty honestly!
[Audrey:] Don't you? Go up the stairs?
[Margaret:] Oh yeah. Oh thank you!
[Audrey:] You little softy aren't you?
[Margaret:] Make sure you don't [LAUGHTER] now []?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Oh yes []. [LAUGHTER] Poor Margaret [].
[Margaret:] Cold int it?
[Audrey:] Freezing cold!
[Margaret:] It's freezing!
[Audrey:] It is
[Margaret:] Yes!
[Audrey:] really, it er
[Margaret:] I'm trying to work out whether we'll get snow cos er, it looked like it was heading downwards on the... news ti news
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Margaret:] we er lunchtime, yeah.
[Audrey:] Yeah. It says over the Pennines and
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Derbyshire have
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] got it, you
[Margaret:] Mm.
[Audrey:] know. They were saying one road's closed.
[Margaret:] Yes.
[Audrey:] So I thought, oh God! We could do without it.
[Margaret:] That's all we need int it?
[Audrey:] We're going away on Saturday a
[Margaret:] Oh.
[Audrey:] afternoon Margaret.
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] We're only going to Blackpool.
[Margaret:] Oh! You're not going to caravan site?
[Audrey:] Erm er, no we're going to my cousin's.
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] We're going to an engagement party.
[Margaret:] Right. So you're going Saturday and coming back
[Audrey:] So we'll be back on Sunday.
[Margaret:] Sunday. Right.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Margaret:] Well I'll be round Saturday so I... can usually manage to get to her.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER] You know []. If it's this cold she might not bother [LAUGHTER] coming back
[Audrey:] No trouble.
[Margaret:] at all! Won't you?
[Audrey:] She probably will. She probably will Margaret.
[Margaret:] ... Just you and Gordon going or are the
[Audrey:] Ye
[Margaret:] others going?
[Audrey:] No,we just Gordon
[Margaret:] Yes.
[Audrey:] and I. Yes.
[Margaret:] Yes.
[Audrey:] You know, so er... mm
[Margaret:] Is it at the house or er
[Audrey:] No it's a
[Margaret:] is it at a place?
[Audrey:] It's a, it's at a hotel int it Gordon?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Hotel.
[Margaret:] Oh right.
[Audrey:] You know. He's, he's forty
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] erm... how old is Neil? About forty five Gordon?
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] Forty seven.
[Audrey:] Forty
[Margaret:] Oh!
[Audrey:] seven.
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] You know, and he's be never been married
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] before.
[Margaret:] Oh! [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] She has
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] but erm
[Margaret:] Oh!
[Audrey:] he hasn't
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] so er... don't know what it'll be like.
[Margaret:] Makes a change [LAUGHTER] anyway []. Are you
[Audrey:] He is
[Margaret:] stopping at their house though or going back
[Audrey:] No we're stopping at my cousin's.
[Margaret:] Yes. Yeah.
[Audrey:] You know, and then er, we'll come home about
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Sunday dinner
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] time. So... get our feet up there.
[Margaret:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Watch the telly.
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER] I can imagine. Edward'll be round won't he if he's not there already!
[Audrey:] Oh! Aargh!
[Margaret:] He'll probably come and
[Audrey:] Na
[Margaret:] descend on Sunday [].
[Audrey:] Er, no I think I'm having him on the Monday cos she's going to have her hair permed
[Margaret:] Oh is she?
[Audrey:] you know up Wella, in town?
[Margaret:] Oh yeah.
[Audrey:] Well they perm your hair you know there for six pound.
[Margaret:] Oh!
[Audrey:] Er... now wait
[Margaret:] What?
[Audrey:] a minute. Yeah, six pound and then it's ten pound for the conditioner and the
[Margaret:] Oh!
[Audrey:] shampoo, so it's sixteen
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] pound in all? Erm, what it is they have er... people in from
[Margaret:] Er
[Audrey:] sa salons
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] to try the Wella products out.
[Margaret:] Oh! Where's that one then?
[Audrey:] Erm, you know Albert Square?
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Well it's in Brazenall Street, it's just
[Margaret:] Oh yes. Oh right, I know the one.
[Audrey:] on the right hand side
[Margaret:] Oh! Yeah.
[Audrey:] there. And I've, I er, I, we me we met a girl and she'd had it done and it was lovely!
[Margaret:] Yeah. Oh!
[Audrey:] So Elaine's having hers done.
[Margaret:] That's right.
[Audrey:] See how she goes on.
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER]... Gosh! Yeah.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] I, [] I may go er
[Margaret:] We'll all have... yeah. I've already... I've booked to have mine cut and... covered a bit tomorrow [LAUGHTER] so
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Margaret:] where I usually go so []...
[Audrey:] There's a new one opened in Park Road.
[Margaret:] Yes! I believe so.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Margaret:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Next to Thorntons.
[Margaret:] I kno know, yeah.
[Audrey:] Used to be the old Post Office.
[speaker004:] Well where the Post Office was, yeah.
[Audrey:] That's right. Yes.
[Margaret:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Apparently she comes from Salemoore.
[Margaret:] Yeah. There was a leaflet put through the door at the weekend.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yes.
[Margaret:] You know some
[Audrey:] I asked Mr and [LAUGHTER] [].
[Margaret:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Okay [].
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I hope it's a success
[Margaret:] Yes.
[Audrey:] anyhow.
[Margaret:] Mm. Yeah.
[Audrey:] You know.
[Margaret:] I suppose it could be quite handy for some of the pensioners couldn't it?
[Audrey:] That's right.
[Margaret:] Save them walking too far up the road if they
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Margaret:] want. Yeah.
[Audrey:] See how it goes
[Margaret:] Yes.
[Audrey:] anyhow. I hope it's a success.
[Margaret:] [LAUGHTER] A yes []. Right. Okay. I'll see you
[Audrey:] Right Margaret so I'll
[Margaret:] tomorrow then.
[Audrey:] Yes. Okay.
[Margaret:] Okay. Bye.
[Audrey:] See you. Bye-bye Margaret. Hello.
[Joan:] Hello.
[Audrey:] How's your husband?
[Joan:] He's doing fine thank you.
[Audrey:] Oh that's good! Oh!
[Joan:] Are you alright?
[Audrey:] Yes thank you. And
[Joan:] Good.
[Audrey:] and you?
[Joan:] Oh yes! Oh I have to be don't I?
[Audrey:] Don't we? All
[Joan:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] us women have to be don't we?
[Joan:] We've got to be. Yeah. We're martyrs to ourselves.
[Audrey:] Absolutely!
[Joan:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Bye-bye.
[Joan:] Bye.
[Audrey:] Tha I'm doing a market research.
[Kevin:] Oh I see.
[Audrey:] And I've got to record
[Kevin:] Who for?
[Audrey:] everybody... I talk to.
[Kevin:] Oh I see.
[Audrey:] You see.
[Kevin:] Fair enough.
[Audrey:] So did you see er, Underwood last night.
[Kevin:] Yeah, I saw last ten minutes of it. It was
[Audrey:] Oh yeah.
[Kevin:] alright weren't it? Nice bloke.
[Audrey:] Did you, did you see, you know when that coloured boy, you know the young coloured boy
[Kevin:] Gareth Guscott? I didn't see that.
[Audrey:] Know what he said, oh it was funny! He said
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] sor he said I'm sorry he's going just when I've just broke him in.
[Kevin:] That's right, yeah.
[Audrey:] [whispering] Once we. Oh it [], they couldn't
[Kevin:] Oh aye.
[Audrey:] stop laughing!
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I felt really sorry for him.
[Kevin:] The whole England team were making their entertainment weren't they?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yes, they were [].
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I mean it, I thought it was jolly good. So... but er
[Kevin:] Oh he's a nice bloke.
[Audrey:] And is Eddy alright?
[Kevin:] Yeah, he's... fine now. No problems. He's great! He's sleeping well.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Elaine said
[Kevin:] Altogether
[Audrey:] he had a nightmare last night didn't he?
[Kevin:] Night before.
[Audrey:] Oh! Night befo night before, that was it, yeah.
[Kevin:] Yeah, talking about all the birds, yeah. But er, of course, he's doing well obviously, but he's not had many up till now.
[Audrey:] Good. Good.
[Kevin:] Touch wood, I'll say. Can I use your phone?
[Audrey:] Yeah, course you can.
[Kevin:] Cos I'm gonna be late to get a portion of chips.... [clears throat]
[Audrey:] She'll always say no Kevin.
[Kevin:] Well see if she's awake.
[Carl:] What is up with her?
[Kevin:] Nothing.
[Carl:] Will you tell me
[Kevin:] She's alright.
[Carl:] what is up with your, well you got a face like thunder!
[Kevin:] Sh no, she's very happy tonight.
[Audrey:] Nothing wrong with me?
[Kevin:] Nothing mum.
[Elaine:] Nothing.
[Audrey:] I'm alright. There's your, there's your leaflets on there.
[Carl:] Thank you.
[Gordon:] Well we've been working hard today going all round the stores
[Audrey:] I know.
[Gordon:] looking for your... microwave and things.
[Audrey:] Thank you dad.... Tried to get you a better bargain.
[Carl:] Well?
[Elaine:] She's alright.
[Carl:] Well why are you being so aggressive? What's up with you?
[Audrey:] I'm not being aggressive Carl. You came in though and you seemed all agitated
[Carl:] Well I was fine. Oh bloody hell! It was you.
[Audrey:] cos you're getting over that
[Carl:] I've been working, working till
[Audrey:] I know. Is your car on the road?
[Carl:] No. I managed to squeeze it in.
[Audrey:] Oh did you? Good.... Well that's alright then.... Oh I thought he was giving me money then dad.
[Gordon:] Well I did.
[Audrey:] You owe her one pound sixty now.
[Carl:] What for?
[Audrey:] For er, those er... pads.
[Carl:] Pads.
[Audrey:] There's something wrong with this you know, it won't... turn off.
[speaker004:] Three forty two.
[Audrey:] Oh! That one's a bit big. Have you got anything a bit smaller than that please?
[speaker004:] How much smaller do you want?
[Audrey:] Er er... round about two... eighty. Something like that please.
[speaker004:] ... Bit bigger than that.
[Audrey:] Mm. They're all er
[speaker004:] That's er....
[Audrey:] That's lovely.
[speaker004:] That's
[Audrey:] That's, that's very nice. Thank you. Erm... have you any... do you sell fish fingers?
[speaker004:] Any?
[Audrey:] Do you sell fish fingers
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] at? You don't?
[speaker004:] You can get it from the frozen.
[Audrey:] Oh I'll have some fish cakes. Are th are they in here?
[speaker004:] No they er... we don't sell them
[Audrey:] Oh!
[speaker004:] in there.
[Audrey:] Oh right.
[speaker004:] We don't sell fish fingers.
[Audrey:] No. I didn't know whether you did or you didn't.... Hello. How's your mum?
[speaker004:] About the same really, you know. Yeah.
[Audrey:] No improvement at all?
[speaker004:] No, not really.
[Audrey:] Oh I am sorry. I'd not seen her for quite some time, you know.
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] Does she go out very much?
[speaker004:] Well, now and then.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yeah. I suppose.
[speaker004:] But not like she used to
[Audrey:] No.
[speaker004:] you know.
[Audrey:] She's had a terrible time
[speaker004:] I know.
[Audrey:] hasn't she, really, one way or the other?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I don't know. Well, give her my love
[speaker004:] Yes. I will.
[Audrey:] anyhow. See you. Bye-bye.
[Kevin:] Thanks a lot.
[Audrey:] He said... he used to live... he went out with my cousin and she wouldn't marry him.
[Gordon:] Wurgh!
[Audrey:] And so, he's now... er got engaged to this... woman. He's forty seven, he's never been married before. And this girl's been married and she divorced
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] so they're
[Kevin:] Oh oh!
[Audrey:] getting engaged. Well, should be quite a good do. I've forgotten where it's at now though.... What you doing? Eh?
[Kevin:] [sighing] Oh dear [].
[Audrey:] What are you doing? [dog barks] My giddy aunt! Are you playing rugby this afternoon Kevin?
[Kevin:] Last league game. We're playing
[Audrey:] Is it?
[Kevin:] a very big game today?
[Audrey:] Where's it at? At home?
[Kevin:] Yeah. If we win today we get promotion.
[Audrey:] Oh! Do you? Eh! Good!
[Kevin:] I'm go I'll be extremely dwunk... later
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Kevin:] on.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Kevin:] Very, very, daddy's gonna be drunk!
[Audrey:] Oh! Oh!
[Kevin:] Daddy drunk.
[speaker004:] My daddy is drunk. Yargh!
[Audrey:] Oh eh! [LAUGHTER]... And
[Kevin:] And sick.
[Audrey:] And did mummy shout?
[speaker004:] Mummy smack.
[Audrey:] Does she? Oh dear! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] And you've got your... you're a naughty da daddy.
[Kevin:] [yawning] Oh dear me [].
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Di daddy's naughty is he []? Oh oh! Oh!
[speaker004:] And the big crane.
[Audrey:] You've seen a big crane have you?
[speaker004:] Look. Crane.
[Audrey:] Can you see the plane? How's your mum.
[Kevin:] She's fine thank you. Yes.
[Audrey:] Is she alright?
[Kevin:] Haven't seen her for a while. She's been down to Birmingham to see our kid.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] I haven't seen her for... week and half now. Cos she's been
[Audrey:] D'ya think she'll go back to work Kevin?
[speaker004:] Oh dear.
[Kevin:] Doesn't want to.
[Audrey:] I don't blame her.
[speaker004:] Oh
[Kevin:] Got
[speaker004:] dear.
[Kevin:] no intention of.
[Audrey:] I don't, oh dear! Pick it
[Kevin:] Oh dear.
[Audrey:] up my love.
[Kevin:] Good boy.
[speaker004:] Fell down.
[Audrey:] Thank you. Thank you sweetheart.
[Kevin:] No, I don't think she will to be honest with you.
[Audrey:] [sigh]
[Kevin:] Still
[Audrey:] I don't blame her. There's more to life.
[Kevin:] That's it, I think that's what she's realized.
[Audrey:] Oh! Yes.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Definitely. And she wants to see more of you doesn't she? And I don't blame her.
[speaker004:] Ah!
[Audrey:] My giddy aunt!
[Kevin:] [yawn]
[Audrey:] My giddy aunt!
[Kevin:] [yawning] Dear me [].
[Audrey:] I've got to get... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Get out.
[Kevin:] [whistling]
[Audrey:] You're a scallywag! What are you? [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] [whistling]
[Audrey:] I'll go and make a cup of tea now.
[Elaine:] Which one are you having? Is it in here?
[Gordon:] I don't know.
[Audrey:] Yes it is. I'll show you which one it is.
[Kevin:] The first one.
[Audrey:] That one.
[Kevin:] That's me there. Now tha that's... just me. That's, that's me with hair. Like that.
[Audrey:] Are you gonna do somebody like that? [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER] I suppose so []. It'll be laugh.
[Audrey:] That's alright that.
[Kevin:] [yawning] Oh! Dear me [].
[Elaine:] I could do
[Audrey:] Yes but
[Elaine:] with a bit dark in though.
[Audrey:] but he said er, the man said, and I don't, now I'll see what yo your reaction will be to this. He said to Carl... I think that you and your best man should have cravats... and the rest ties.
[Kevin:] Oh no!
[Audrey:] Because you should sort of stand
[Kevin:] I
[Audrey:] out.
[Kevin:] No I'd say you should have it all the same.
[Audrey:] I do. You see, and dad does. Yeah.
[Elaine:] Yeah. I think you should have it all the same.
[Kevin:] Every time I've been to a wedding and... people in cravats are all the same.
[Elaine:] Yeah. Yes. Yeah. You do one or the other, you don't do both.
[Audrey:] Yes. I think that's
[Gordon:] Really?
[Audrey:] true. I mean
[Kevin:] We stood out because we had a er, different sort of flower on, me and our kid.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Well that's it. And they know anyway don't they? They know who the flaming... they know who the groom is!
[Kevin:] That's right.
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] That's right. Yeah [].
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] I mean []
[Kevin:] What the hell are they doing there!
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Well in our case, I can imagine quite a lot won't.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Pity er
[Elaine:] The photographer's going and all.
[Gordon:] Have you tried it on yet?
[Kevin:] No I've not seen it yet.
[Audrey:] Ah! You've
[Gordon:] You
[Audrey:] only seen it in that.
[Gordon:] you wanna just... so where are you going
[Audrey:] Where
[Gordon:] for the fitting?
[Kevin:] Macclesfield.
[Elaine:] Er, Macclesfield.
[Gordon:] When?
[Kevin:] I don't know.
[Gordon:] Oh.
[Kevin:] He said just go in at any time and we'll pick it up.
[Audrey:] That's a bit of a pain int it? All, all being Ma erm
[Gordon:] Can I go up there please?
[Audrey:] I suppose erm there
[speaker004:] Dad.
[Audrey:] with it only being
[Kevin:] So er, I says
[speaker004:] Now.
[Kevin:] to Carl what sort of shoes am I having?
[Elaine:] Well I'll have a for it in a minute then. He'd not even thought had he?
[Gordon:] Shoes? You're doing shoes as well?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] Oh! Crumbs!
[Kevin:] And we hired shoes as well for ours.
[Gordon:] We did you?
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] He's a fool! I remember, we went to Keith's wedding didn't we Kevin?
[Kevin:] Derek. Yeah, Keith was in
[Elaine:] And Derek was part of the,th you know, the, the party and he wore like Hush Puppy shoes and on every single photograph
[Audrey:] Oh I remember that.
[Elaine:] it loo it just stands out.
[Audrey:] I remember that one.
[Elaine:] Yeah. Atrocious!
[Audrey:] I remember that Elaine.
[Elaine:] Absolutely atrocious!
[Audrey:] Cos we, I never forget that a... seeing that a
[Elaine:] They were like Hush Puppies.
[Audrey:] Yes, they were. Yes.
[Elaine:] Oh no, you have
[Gordon:] Bit
[Elaine:] to have the same.
[Gordon:] bit of an eyesight is it?
[Elaine:] You have to have the right shoes.
[Audrey:] Course you do!
[Kevin:] Yep.
[Elaine:] I'll be looking for anything.
[Kevin:] But I don't have lace-ups you see. They don't have lace- ups. You have to have lace-ups.
[Elaine:] No I don't like them either.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Really?
[Kevin:] Yeah you
[Audrey:] Well we can't have slip-ons can you? They don't look right.
[Kevin:] No you don't normally have, some people say you should have slip-ons but I ca I, I couldn't get them in, in a thirteen.
[Gordon:] Well unless everybody had slip-ons.
[Kevin:] Yeah, that's it.
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] You know. But you can't have some with slip-ons and
[Kevin:] That's the advantage of ours, everybody looks exa identical... cos they actually hired everything.
[Gordon:] Yeah, that's right.
[Kevin:] I mean, did we even hire shirts?
[Gordon:] Yeah we did. We did.
[Audrey:] Oh yes. Carl
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] the sleeve.
[Kevin:] That's right. Yeah.
[Gordon:] Should have had the one... we had with
[speaker004:] Come on then.
[Audrey:] Pardon darling?
[Elaine:] Well i well surely Carl will do the same
[Audrey:] Do you want something?
[Elaine:] won't he?
[Gordon:] Well I, the thing is if I'd had a church se service and all that, you know
[Elaine:] Well I mean, if somebody's got a slightly different shirt on and it
[speaker004:] Mummy,
[Elaine:] stands out don't it?
[Kevin:] Yeah. Pardon?
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] He's just been cleaning our window.
[Kevin:] Are you being a go er excuse me! Excuse me! Have you been a good boy? You can have a biscuit if you've been a good boy.
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] Oh.
[Kevin:] Okay.
[Elaine:] What? No you've not been a good boy?
[speaker004:] Biscuit....
[Elaine:] Oh well. Slowly getting there.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[speaker004:] I'm a good boy.
[Audrey:] I know you're a good boy.
[Elaine:] Mm mm.
[Audrey:] I love you!
[Gordon:] A so you've that
[Audrey:] You, love you.
[Gordon:] on the wallpaper at the moment are you?
[Elaine:] Yeah. And that won't take long wi...... There's loads of wallpaper that we would have, but not in the bedroom.
[speaker004:] Grandma.
[Elaine:] They're all very dark.
[Audrey:] What darling?
[Elaine:] And I want... very light... you know.
[Gordon:] What d'ya want, a sort of a traditional type paper?
[Elaine:] Er, not really sure. Just want it very, very... pale.
[speaker004:] And mummy's car.
[Elaine:] Cos then I can have any fabric you see. I don't want to be limited to, it's got to have a certain colour, the fabrics.
[Gordon:] Yeah. No.
[Elaine:] Wha and I want it very plain to show off the wood.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] You know, if we had something too patterned or too dark the wood won't
[Audrey:] Kevin do you want sugar love?
[Elaine:] stand out.
[Kevin:] Please. One. Right.
[Elaine:] Mum says do that's the main part of the bedroom... int it?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] And you'll not see it next to
[speaker004:] Granddad.
[Elaine:] the wallpaper.
[Kevin:] Aha.
[speaker004:] Up there.
[Elaine:] We did see one, a beigey, like erm... a... what do you call? Fleur-de... whatever.
[Kevin:] Fleur-de-lys.
[Elaine:] Yeah. One of those. And... you know, quite
[Gordon:] That'll be, be embossed isn't it? Like a
[Elaine:] quite well spaced
[Kevin:] No.
[Elaine:] out.
[Kevin:] No it's not.
[Audrey:] Here are darling.
[Elaine:] Oh no. No.
[Kevin:] We don't particularly want an embossed one.
[Elaine:] It's very nice, but it was, it was like a mo it was like er er... marbled
[Audrey:] That's yours
[Elaine:] beige
[Audrey:] Kevin.
[Elaine:] and you thought it would
[Kevin:] That's right.
[Elaine:] have been a bit dull but... I don't know. I suppose it's very neutral. Fo... cos we'll have to get a beige carpet.... I think your bedrooms have to be..., but they have to be light.
[Gordon:] Better what?
[Elaine:] I think bedrooms have to be light.
[Gordon:] I dunno.
[Elaine:] Pale. You've got a dark lounge and whatever.
[Audrey:] Here are daddy. I think it's, it's
[Elaine:] Is that the one that's get like a?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] They haven't done it at home.
[Audrey:] Yeah. That's the one I got from.
[Kevin:] And that's the one that comes out weren't it?
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yeah. They were selling them off cheap.
[Kevin:] It's got four, there's four buds there int there? Five.
[Elaine:] Well go and get another biscuit.
[Audrey:] And it gives off like one flower a...
[Kevin:] I thought you meant one flower but I didn't know there was four of them there.
[Elaine:] Mick?
[Kevin:] No thanks mother.
[Audrey:] Are you sure?
[Kevin:] Too close to
[Elaine:] Oh! Yes please mother. They're nice these.
[speaker004:] Whoops!
[Audrey:] Eh!
[Kevin:] I don't eat after a certain, ten o'clock so it's after
[Gordon:] Don't you?
[Kevin:] past my eating time.
[Audrey:] I want to go and sit, sit with my little lad who's sat there. Well I want to sit
[Gordon:] So
[Audrey:] in there!
[speaker004:] No!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] Come on.
[speaker004:] Okay.
[Kevin:] My mum reckons Frankie Howerd's got Aids.
[Audrey:] Who's got that?
[Kevin:] It's the word on the street.
[speaker004:] Where's the biscuits gone?
[Kevin:] Where's the ba where's it gone?
[Elaine:] It's in your hand.
[Kevin:] It's in your hand.
[Audrey:] He means the tin.
[Gordon:] Oh.
[speaker004:] It isn't.
[Elaine:] You sa slept with mummy again last night.
[speaker004:] It's gone.
[Kevin:] [yawning] Oh [].
[Elaine:] It was like having a
[speaker004:] It's gone.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Elaine:] What's he like Kevin?
[Kevin:] It's gone.
[Elaine:] If they'd glued him to my back he couldn't have slept
[Gordon:] It's gone in your pocket.
[Elaine:] closer!
[speaker004:] All gone.
[Elaine:] Kevin could have slept on the other side
[speaker004:] It's gone.
[Elaine:] of the bed quite easily.
[Kevin:] What's in your pocket?
[Elaine:] He woke up again in the middle of the night and
[Gordon:] Well where did Kevin go?
[Kevin:] That's it.
[Gordon:] Ah?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Gone!
[Kevin:] And have half an hour's sleep up
[speaker004:] It's gone.
[Kevin:] there.
[speaker004:] Biscuit's gone.
[Kevin:] Biscuit's gone?
[Elaine:] You had more than me.... Cos when he wakes up this morning... bright as a lark.
[speaker004:] The floor.
[Elaine:] Hello!
[Audrey:] Pardon darling?
[speaker004:] The floor.
[Audrey:] On the
[Elaine:] While we're all looking like death!
[Audrey:] Look Edward. What are you showing for? [LAUGHTER] Well, he only puts them on the
[Gordon:] These we
[Audrey:] he only puts them on the floor.
[Kevin:] Are you sleeping there?
[Audrey:] Just put them on the floor then. Then you know where they are.
[Elaine:] Likes to look at the... whee!
[Kevin:] Like heaven that isn't it? You're a good
[Audrey:] You ga he guards
[Kevin:] Look at that.
[Audrey:] He guards them for er... barm cake don't you sweetheart?
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] No, he just looks at which one he's gonna eat next.
[Kevin:] [yawning] Oh [].
[Audrey:] Aren't you lovely?
[Elaine:] Edward
[Kevin:] [yawn]
[Elaine:] what frightened you?
[speaker004:] The bird in my bed.
[Elaine:] The what?
[Audrey:] The birdie?
[speaker004:] The bird in the window.
[Gordon:] The birdie in the window?
[Audrey:] Did it?
[Elaine:] The birdie.
[Audrey:] Did it?
[Elaine:] Frightened him the other night
[Kevin:] [clears throat]
[Elaine:] he had a nightmare.
[Audrey:] Oh dear! The nau
[speaker004:] Dee! Get out! Get out!
[Audrey:] Dead!
[Gordon:] Is that what you said did you? Is that what you said, Get out!
[Audrey:] Did you?
[Elaine:] You did. And you cried didn't you? You cried.
[speaker004:] I cried.
[Elaine:] Cried yeah.
[Audrey:] Did you? Oh! What a shame. That nasty bird!
[Elaine:] He looks tired now.
[Audrey:] He does actually Elaine.
[Elaine:] Mm.
[Kevin:] Last night he got into bed with you and all his face was all puffed up from crying.
[Audrey:] Oh! Was it?
[Kevin:] He couldn't keep his eyes open last night with having to
[Audrey:] No. Oh no.
[Kevin:] I had to leave him. She was fast asleep and so was he.
[Audrey:] Cried
[Kevin:] The problem is with him... he was half way
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] down your back. You know... he was under the covers.
[Elaine:] I know he was. And every time I put my foot
[Kevin:] Cos I was bit worried about... er... him staying under the covers all night.
[Elaine:] Well di last night he woke up cos I was choking.
[speaker004:] On the table?
[Elaine:] Then I
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Table.
[Audrey:] On the table.
[Kevin:] Yeah, put it on the table.
[Audrey:] Alright. Thank you.
[Kevin:] Put it on there.
[Audrey:] You poor love!
[Elaine:] Put it there. So this afternoon I had him on the settee get the old duvet out we'll
[Kevin:] You can't go and dunk it in there.
[Elaine:] kip in the armchair. Ah Kevin! What was he like on that trampoline last night?
[Kevin:] Oh my God! Crazy!
[Elaine:] Absolutely hysterical! I've moved it, you know. I put it by the sideboard
[Audrey:] Pull the... tray out then. That's it.
[Elaine:] and he's using it now.
[Kevin:] [yawn]
[Audrey:] Is he?
[Elaine:] All the time. Yeah! He mustn't have liked where it was. He was going banana, what was he saying while he was bouncing?
[Kevin:] Moon or summat weren't it?
[Elaine:] Summat else, summat else weren't it?
[Kevin:] Wow! Was it wow
[speaker004:] Grandma.
[Kevin:] I suppose.
[Elaine:] No. I can't remember, it was something else.
[speaker004:] It's fallen off.
[Audrey:] Pardon darling?
[Kevin:] Dunno.
[Elaine:] Did you bounce... yesterday?
[Kevin:] You were bouncing last night weren't you?
[speaker004:] And I was
[Audrey:] Was you?
[Elaine:] That's very high!
[speaker004:] That one there.
[Kevin:] Bounce, bounce, bounce, bounce.
[speaker004:] Ooh! Ooh!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Did you touch the ceiling?
[speaker004:] No. No, ceiling.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] No [].
[Audrey:] You didn't touch the ceiling? Nearly though?
[Kevin:] [yawn]... So where is your engagement do tonight?
[Audrey:] Whe where is it? It's some hotel.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] They're all the same though [].
[Audrey:] Well, we'll, we'll be with Iris and [LAUGHTER] until then though [].
[Gordon:] Oh well we're taking
[Elaine:] Oh. I see.
[speaker004:] want it?
[Kevin:] No ta.
[Audrey:] Oh no.
[Kevin:] Last one.
[Audrey:] Last one that now.
[Gordon:] He's eaten two.
[Audrey:] All gone after that.
[speaker004:] No.
[Elaine:] No, I'll have a... what have you bought them?
[Audrey:] Erm, two er... wi cut glass wine, wine glasses.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] Eh! Just started to eat the fig roll and realized it wasn't one of them [].
[Audrey:] Er, that's the last one. And, they were reduced... half, er, well from thirty one pounds to fourteen.
[Elaine:] Oh.
[Audrey:] So you couldn't be bit for that.
[Gordon:] [sigh]
[Audrey:] So I'm going again because er, it's Sylvia 's silver wedding on June the sixth so... I'll go and get
[Kevin:] Is it?
[Audrey:] her some... these cut glass
[Kevin:] It's Paul's on the, the
[Elaine:] Oh aye!
[Audrey:] The thirtieth of May.
[Kevin:] I know.
[Gordon:] We, we, we haven't got a weekend spare!
[Elaine:] Hey! What... well i what are you going to get Paul?
[Gordon:] Don't know. Why?
[Elaine:] Well if you, all I was going to say is, if you're going to get something like that, I mean we could... buy something that would make a set.
[Audrey:] Well that's fair enough. So I'll get one... should we get, er, should we... do you want to get something between us? Er like i we if I saw a vase that was a little bit bigger and a bit more expensive than what you'd have
[Elaine:] Whatever.
[Audrey:] and then we'll do it between us?
[Elaine:] You can do. Yeah. Or, like I say
[Audrey:] Well do that then.
[Elaine:] if you saw something where, I don't know, say it was two glasses and then we could buy two as well and
[Audrey:] Yes. Yeah.
[Elaine:] whatever.
[Kevin:] Get Carl and Elaine together.
[Elaine:] Then we could, you know, made up a set. They'll
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] be on honeymoon.
[Kevin:] I don't know. Don't think they will.
[Audrey:] Oh they'll be back
[Elaine:] Oh will they? Oh will they be back?
[Kevin:] They didn't know how long they're
[Gordon:] They'll be back.
[Kevin:] going for.
[Gordon:] They can't afford
[Audrey:] I
[Gordon:] a massive honeymoon.
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Audrey:] They can't afford
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Gordon:] Well I think they will be back in time but they'll
[Audrey:] But
[Gordon:] not actually be, be going
[Audrey:] they're not going
[Gordon:] to er... make sure they're
[Audrey:] they've wrote back and told them they're not going.
[Elaine:] Oh! Well... disgraceful!
[Audrey:] I know.
[Gordon:] He wanted to go out with that
[Audrey:] Hello darling.
[speaker004:] I'm reading this.
[Audrey:] Hello my love.
[speaker004:] I'm reading this.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] What time is it? D'ya know?
[Gordon:] I do.
[Audrey:] Er
[Kevin:] Is that seven thirty?
[Audrey:] Seven thirty.
[Elaine:] Yeah se
[Kevin:] Oh right.
[Elaine:] And it's
[Audrey:] We've got to er... pick Barbara and Neville up.
[speaker004:] have it
[Kevin:] Are they going?
[speaker004:] haven't you?
[Audrey:] Yes. They're going.
[Elaine:] Oh. Mm.
[Audrey:] I'll show you that letter our Elaine, that the, our Eileen wrote.
[Elaine:] Oh! Have you got it?
[Audrey:] Yeah. Our Carl brought home he's that ashamed of it. Oh just
[Kevin:] No more Edward. No!
[Elaine:] I think it's a shame but I've
[Kevin:] that's your last one.
[Elaine:] Yeah. Ta take them away.
[Audrey:] I will do now.
[Elaine:] I was saying to mum, it's a shame because you could have somebody else.
[Gordon:] I know.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] That's right.
[speaker004:] No biscuits.
[Elaine:] You know, er like mum was saying Malcolm or something.
[Kevin:] That's your biscuit there. You've had enough. Now use
[Gordon:] That's right.
[Kevin:] that one.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] A biscuit?
[Audrey:] Yeah, what do you do?
[Kevin:] They've all gone.
[Audrey:] They've not invited her... so that would have been
[speaker004:] Want a biscuit?
[Kevin:] I don't want one
[Gordon:] Yeah. It is a very, very awkward situation.
[Elaine:] It's a bit of stinker that she's not coming. I mean, what's she done that for?
[Kevin:] Cos she's, that's her you see.
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Gordon:] She's stupid!
[Kevin:] I tell you now can, you can pick, you pick your friends but you can't
[Gordon:] No.
[Kevin:] pick your relatives.
[Elaine:] Oh I know.
[speaker004:] D'ya want a biscuit?
[Kevin:] Ever so sad
[Gordon:] No.
[Kevin:] that.
[speaker004:] Can I have a biscuit?
[Gordon:] They've gone I'm afraid.
[speaker004:] D'ya want a biscuit?
[Kevin:] Er
[Elaine:] Well it's not as in, sort of, you know
[Kevin:] I dunno.
[Elaine:] what we do on our wedding.
[Kevin:] Well I'm afraid she's.
[Elaine:] You wouldn't replace them then wouldn't you? With somebody... you
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] know, you would have left it
[speaker004:] Can I have a biscuit?
[Elaine:] you would have done it early enough to say, oh well, we can invite somebody else.
[Kevin:] Yeah. That's
[Audrey:] Yeah, right.
[Kevin:] right.
[Elaine:] D'ya know what I mean?
[Kevin:] Pardon?
[Elaine:] You don't think, oh well, we'll save money on two people.
[Gordon:] No.
[Elaine:] And what the hell's the cost of two people gonna
[Kevin:] Have you got the caravan and cra Easter?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Oh good!
[speaker004:] No
[Kevin:] Right.
[speaker004:] cake.
[Audrey:] Yes darling?
[Kevin:] Can't hear you.
[Elaine:] You'd like company wouldn't you? You'd like company in the caravan season?
[Gordon:] I don't need anything really.
[Elaine:] For a couple of days.
[Gordon:] Before you say anything else let me say,se when it's
[Elaine:] Now he's panicking. He don't know if it means with or without him.
[Gordon:] I don't know whether I'm going or not now.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]... He doesn't know if it
[Gordon:] Yeah alright.
[Elaine:] means with or without... him.
[Kevin:] What does it mean Elaine? Tell me what it means?
[Elaine:] It means that I'm that you and Edward are.
[Kevin:] No I don't.
[Gordon:] When would you go?
[Elaine:] Whereas if I'd said I was coming with Kevin it wouldn't have been.
[Gordon:] Would have been fine.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] No I thought, I thought you said I'd got.
[Elaine:] I know you did. [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] When would you be going? D'ya know?
[Elaine:] O on the Friday.
[Gordon:] You're going on the Friday?
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] As I say it wouldn't make any difference would it? Cos you could
[Gordon:] Why, er did you want to sa to
[Elaine:] I don't know yet. I'm not sure what we're doing.
[Gordon:] Or, well are you gonna be there Kev?
[Kevin:] Well da co if Elaine and Edward stop there I can do a lot of decorating.
[Elaine:] You see he plays rugby on a Saturday. So the Saturday's a waste of time
[Gordon:] Oh you're gonna do some work at home?
[Elaine:] anyway.
[Kevin:] Yeah, I'll do some work at home.
[Elaine:] But Saturdays are wasted anyway. So I may as well have a Saturday at the van.
[Kevin:] You see what you could do, is you could go on the Friday and I could pick you up Saturday evening. Come and stay after rugby. Or Sunday. Dep it depends if you think you could last two nights without me.
[Elaine:] Well I
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER]... No
[Elaine:] last two years without you dear, don't worry.
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER] Try that one then [].
[Elaine:] Oh! I can't.
[Kevin:] Erm... no, we'd have to arrange a hire cot and things like that.
[Elaine:] No you wouldn't, I'd put him in the bed.
[Kevin:] Would you?
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Well he'll go in bed
[Elaine:] Yes.
[Audrey:] in a few months int he?
[Kevin:] Is it a good time to try it?
[Elaine:] Well if he gets up he'd have to sleep with me!
[Kevin:] Yeah. Oh! Course you can't stay Saturday night can you?
[Elaine:] No, cos of the dirty movies.
[Kevin:] That's right, yeah. Forgot about that.
[Audrey:] Can't have Ed watching them.
[Kevin:] No.
[Elaine:] Would you like that? Me
[Audrey:] What?
[Elaine:] in a van with you over Easter? You'd love
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Elaine:] it. Oh thanks a lot.
[Audrey:] Yes. Course I would.
[Elaine:] Eh! That's good int it?
[speaker004:] Hooray!
[Audrey:] Course I would.
[Elaine:] Go on holiday?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] Is that a quoted favourite?
[Audrey:] Isn't that disgraceful!
[Kevin:] Did you put it on a stand?
[Audrey:] Isn't that
[Kevin:] Just make them pay for the
[Audrey:] isn't that
[Kevin:] stand.
[Audrey:] absolutely disgraceful!
[Gordon:] She probably paid for it.
[Audrey:] Look at that Kevin.
[Elaine:] I wouldn't have written one like that when I was at school.
[Kevin:] Let's have a look.
[Elaine:] That's bad that.
[Audrey:] That, that is an absolute
[Elaine:] What the hell must they think?
[Audrey:] Well I think she's tr she's doing it to spite me Elaine.
[Elaine:] She's stupid!
[speaker004:] I come.
[Audrey:] Well it's her loss.
[speaker004:] Look, come.
[Audrey:] Yes I'm coming in a moment darling.
[Elaine:] No, leave, leave that tape alone.
[speaker004:] Come.
[Kevin:] That's writing innit that?
[speaker004:] No come.
[Gordon:] I it's like
[Audrey:] And you know it's
[Gordon:] he.
[Audrey:] Now, well he's brought it home.
[speaker004:] Mum, mum, come on.
[Audrey:] He, I mean, at least no one else'll see it.
[Elaine:] And, have the 's not seen it?
[Audrey:] Oh! The 's have seen it.
[Gordon:] Oh aye.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Well that's
[Gordon:] The 's have see
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] well it doesn't matter about anybody else does it []?
[Kevin:] They haven't received it.
[Audrey:] Nah! That's what I mean, they're the only ones that, you know wanted them to see it really.
[Elaine:] That is our Eileen to a T! I could murder her! I could honestly! She's the mos... oh! She's most odd devil! She really is.
[Gordon:] So when are you coming to the van then?
[Audrey:] Thank you.
[Gordon:] Er d'ya wanna ta do you want us to take you?
[Kevin:] Well it depends... whe er... it depends on what, what day you'll be going and what day... Elaine will want the... sort of date from
[Gordon:] Why don't you go on Friday. We're going on Friday
[Kevin:] Are you sure?
[Gordon:] Take you with us.
[Kevin:] Are you sure?
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Kevin:] If she's coming with her
[speaker004:] Gran.
[Gordon:] Pardon?
[speaker004:] So the
[Elaine:] Yeah. I need to take my old pile of sleeping bags or something.
[Kevin:] I can pick Saturday or Sunday,
[speaker004:] Can I
[Kevin:] which ever's best for you.
[Elaine:] On a Saturday? You're playing rugby!
[Gordon:] !
[Kevin:] See Friday, I can work Saturday morning, play rugby then pick you up... or, I can do work Saturday morning... play rugby just Saturday afternoon... pick you up Sunday morning and stay for say, Sunday, a couple of hours on Sunday.
[Elaine:] We don't want you there.
[Kevin:] Sunday, your traffic'll be damn sight lighter
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] than Monday.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Elaine:] Oh yeah! But you can't
[Audrey:] Will he sleep in a bed?
[Elaine:] Well that's what I'm saying I'll put him in the bed, but he won't sleep in the bed, he can sleep with me.
[Kevin:] Well if you do, if you do
[Audrey:] Well you'll be on the double bed Elaine.
[Elaine:] No! No!
[Gordon:] No you can put
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[Gordon:] the two singles back
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] together.
[Elaine:] Put the two single beds together.
[Audrey:] Alright
[Kevin:] That's what
[Audrey:] then.
[Kevin:] I just tried telling you, yeah.
[Audrey:] Oh no, no it's not in
[Kevin:] And you, you could sleep on the outside.
[Audrey:] there darling.
[Kevin:] And he's wedged between
[speaker004:] Mum.
[Kevin:] me and
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] wall and you.
[Gordon:] The beds.
[Kevin:] Can't get out.
[Elaine:] Use this. I can sleep on the outside and he can sleep a... against the wall. Have you tried sleeping in a bed with him?
[speaker004:] No biscuits?
[Audrey:] No there's no biscuits.
[Kevin:] Well where you are going to sleep if you don't sleep
[Elaine:] All the
[Kevin:] with him?
[Elaine:] his arms and legs do that. Mr star face.
[Kevin:] Star fish.
[Elaine:] Star fish.
[Kevin:] Yeah. Well where you
[Elaine:] It's just like
[Kevin:] Well
[Elaine:] well I don't know yet! I mean, I could sleep in the lounge.
[Audrey:] Oh no! Your dad stays up to watch the movies.
[Elaine:] Well I know he's gonna be watching these.
[Audrey:] Well he can sleep in the lounge and us two'll have the single beds.
[Elaine:] No! Well I mean I could
[Gordon:] Well you can have the double bed.
[Elaine:] I
[Audrey:] Eh?
[Elaine:] can always have a doze in your bed. I can always sleep in the, the double bed. And then when dad's coming to bed I'll come ou I'll go in the lounge.
[Audrey:] Oh we'll work it out when we get down there.
[Kevin:] No just a minute.
[speaker004:] Look mum.
[Elaine:] I'd rather not sleep with him if I can avoid it because he's, he, I just don't get any sleep. Cos he cuddles up to you, he [LAUGHTER] pushes out with his legs []!
[Audrey:] Be better in the single bed then.
[Elaine:] No it'll be better if you could still push the two together.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] He'd have a lo he'd roll out the single bed.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] The problem is if he rolls out that, they're very high aren't they?
[Audrey:] No.
[Kevin:] Oh aren't they?
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] Well what you could
[Kevin:] Well that looks alright.
[Gordon:] do will he get on a single
[Elaine:] [cough]
[Gordon:] bed up to there?
[Audrey:] Oh.
[Gordon:] with a push, leave sleeping bags on either side so if he fell
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] off he fell ont sleeping bags so it's soft.
[Kevin:] That's right yeah. No, all I'm saying is, if he got off
[Elaine:] He's fell off our bed.
[Kevin:] couldn't get back on again.
[speaker004:] Look come.
[Elaine:] Oh he probably, I mean, he could get ou er, he might just get out of bed and come back in.
[Gordon:] I can hire you a cot you know. No problem.
[Elaine:] No he's go he's got to go in a bed soon.
[Audrey:] Well he'll be going in Ca oh yo mean, you're having Carl's bed for
[Kevin:] Mm.
[Audrey:] him.
[Kevin:] Yeah I know, it just means it's easier for you. Don't
[Elaine:] No! Makes no difference to me.
[Audrey:] What do you want Edward?
[Elaine:] Mother! Don't keep going with him. Just ignore him.
[Kevin:] Great advantage now is you wouldn't need anything like a high chair
[Audrey:] What do you want darling?
[Kevin:] or anything like that.
[Audrey:] What do want darling?
[Elaine:] The door opening.
[Kevin:] Mind you, you'd need a few cushions
[Audrey:] Do you want the door opening?
[Kevin:] at the table wouldn't you?
[Elaine:] Well yeah. Well
[Kevin:] innit?
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Want to go in the garden?
[speaker004:] Shoes.
[Audrey:] You've got your shoes on.
[Kevin:] Sound like a Lynx helicopter landing that doesn't it?
[Elaine:] No.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] We should put a load of naughty words on your mum's tape.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh you're a love'un you are []!
[Elaine:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER]... Is it still running?
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Elaine:] Oh!
[Kevin:] Is it? I thought had finished.
[Gordon:] No, it's gone on.
[Kevin:] Oh right. Only a bit left on it.
[Elaine:] Oh she'll hear it.
[Kevin:] Oh what a load of... bollocks! [sigh]
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] Don't, don't say that []!
[Kevin:] Didn't say anything rude. Not.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER]... See it's up to, I mean, I can say, you can either go on Friday
[Elaine:] All we've been talking about [whispering] []. [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Oh! Cos I'm not what?
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] She's sending it back to be cleaned []!
[Kevin:] Sounds like her.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Probably get arrested in about a week's time.
[Gordon:] Aye, they'll be down.
[Kevin:] We're going for a meal on Friday aren't we?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] Good. I'm on call.
[Elaine:] No we're not, we're going to the quiz night.
[Kevin:] Oh th no, no we're not going for a meal this Friday.
[Gordon:] Aren't we?
[Kevin:] Don't know.
[Elaine:] No! I thought it was next... Tuesday.
[Kevin:] Tuesday. Yeah, for next Tuesday then, yeah. Next Tuesday for that. Yeah.
[Elaine:] Cos I suggested next Friday and you said
[Kevin:] Is Tuesday alright?
[Gordon:] That's alright, yeah.
[Kevin:] Yeah? Just go for a pint... int the Leigh Arms.
[Gordon:] Mm. Yeah.
[Kevin:] Then go for a
[Elaine:] You're not going in the Leigh Arms!
[Gordon:] I've never
[Kevin:] That's right.
[Gordon:] been in the Leigh Arms in my life.
[Kevin:] Go for a pint and a fight!
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] And you won't go in again I'll tell you []!
[Kevin:] [belch]
[Elaine:] Terrible in there! It's dreadful!
[Gordon:] I've never been in my life, I wouldn't know. Haven't you been in either?
[Kevin:] Rough.
[Gordon:] It's rough.
[Elaine:] You have to have a fight!
[Kevin:] Next to the Bo, palatial.
[Elaine:] But you have to have a fight to get in!
[Kevin:] That's right. It's like the Greyhound. The Greyhound's shut now at Bartington?
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] But th you've got the Temple... just down the road. No problem.
[Elaine:] Oh yeah. Well that's a great one innit?
[Kevin:] Just go for a pint and then go for a... a monster curry.
[Gordon:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Kevin:] We'll get a doggy bag for Elaine.
[Elaine:] Don't want a doggy bag.
[Kevin:] I could put it in a double one. [cough] [sigh]... Trying to think what else you'd need to take for.... I mean like... do you take a lot of stuff every time you go to the van?
[Gordon:] No.
[Kevin:] So you'd get the pram in the boot okay?
[Gordon:] Oh aye. Get th the pram in there alright, yeah.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] I've only gotta take that's all. Bit of food.
[Kevin:] Cos that's when we had to stay wasn't it? You had a high chair and a pram, the, baby cot
[Gordon:] Oh aye.
[Elaine:] We don't need it now do we?
[Kevin:] No. Be good actually if he does sleep in the bed cos then we can go in the summer.
[Elaine:] Yeah. You just let me try it out.
[Kevin:] Well I'm just saying, see th it's a shame you can't get something you know to prop up, to, like an L-shaped piece of wood.
[Gordon:] I know.
[Elaine:] What d'ya call it
[Kevin:] To slip under the bed.
[Elaine:] has them. Carole's got a sa a bed thing. You know that you clip onto the side of your bed to stop them rolling out.
[Kevin:] Really?
[Elaine:] Carole's got one. She said I can have it.
[Kevin:] Really?
[Elaine:] You just reminded me.
[Kevin:] Sue had one I think.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Elaine:] Yeah. It's just
[Gordon:] for er
[Elaine:] like a, it's just like a, a piece of mesh int it?
[Kevin:] That's right, yeah.
[Elaine:] At the sides, it clips on the side. It just means if they do roll towards the edge it stops
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] the... I mean, they can get over it... and they can get
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] round it that way and that way, but it just stops them... in their sleep.
[Kevin:] There's something there. Yeah.
[Elaine:] Yeah. I'll ask her.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Remind me to... to ask.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Hopefully, I'll get by then.
[Kevin:] Mm mm.
[Gordon:] So what will you, will you sleep with mother then?
[Elaine:] I don't know. Oh God [LAUGHTER] mother []!
[Kevin:] Urgh!
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Wurgh!
[Audrey:] Did you watch that on Hanratty?
[Elaine:] Yeah. Yeah it was good.
[Audrey:] It was good.
[Elaine:] I know what i i... [sigh]... I suppose it is a good case though. And close to the end a few people that were hanged a are innocent. But I think if you did bring back hanging it'd cut out some of these flaming crimes.
[Audrey:] I do as well.
[Elaine:] You know, I mean, for all the
[Gordon:] Well there should be some
[Elaine:] if
[Gordon:] degrees of it shouldn't there?
[Elaine:] I mean if, if it means that th th there's less, there's less people murdered or whatever then, I know it sounds easy to
[Audrey:] Yeah but if you're one of the innocent ones.
[Elaine:] I know, I said that to Kevin, if you're part of the family
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] of the innocent
[Audrey:] It's
[Elaine:] one.
[Audrey:] very difficult. It was funny case though Hanratty weren't it? Because sh I mean she was a eye witness and she picked him out.
[Elaine:] I know, but she picked the wrong one out at first.
[Audrey:] At first
[Elaine:] So
[Audrey:] yes, but er, you can understand the confusion really. I don't know really. I have very mixed feelings about it.
[Elaine:] But the whole, the whole case was ridiculous.
[Audrey:] I think he was up, er, I mean that Alfons Al
[Elaine:] Alfonso.
[Audrey:] Alfonso [clears throat] I think he was the guilty one really.
[Elaine:] Aha.
[Audrey:] I do.
[Elaine:] But like in the statement she said he was erm... a, original statement she said he was approximately thirty years of age.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] I know.
[Elaine:] And then it was changed to twenty five!
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Elaine:] Things like that.
[Audrey:] The battle for him though has been going on for years... ain't it Gordon?
[Elaine:] I think it's sad that, I mean, even now, his name was cleared and e... his parents
[Gordon:] It's no good.
[Elaine:] wouldn't know, and he wouldn't know and
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Elaine:] It's too
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] far too late int it?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Well his brothers are still alive.
[Elaine:] Well, yes.
[Audrey:] But I don't know really. It's erm... difficult to say.
[Elaine:] Mm mm.
[Audrey:] I thought it was good. But
[Elaine:] Is that on every week something like that? Or... is
[Audrey:] No.
[Elaine:] that a one-off?
[Audrey:] No. They'd obviously
[Gordon:] It's a one-off.
[Audrey:] that was just one-off. That was just one-off. Well there's murders
[Kevin:] I don't know.
[Audrey:] a on, on, on a, on a Monday night now it's a True Crimes... that have never been solved.
[Elaine:] Er with Edward Woodward or something?
[Audrey:] Yes. Well this week, it's Freddie Mills. Now he was a very well known boxer when we were... young, in our teens weren't we Gordon?
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] And he was the first... er, really, er boxer who became a celebrity. You know, like Henry Cooper is
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] now? Well he mixed with all the stars... and of course, I suppose part of the underworld, but er... they reckon that he didn't kill himself, I mean they did bring it in as suicide but er... they reckon that... you know, there's people think he was murdered.
[Elaine:] Oh I see, so
[Audrey:] He was a good boxer weren't he Gordon?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] He really was. Do you know what he did to me then? He was pla he, I said go on you can go out. He says, yes. I, I, get shoes. And he brought my shoes [LAUGHTER] for
[Elaine:] Oh!
[Audrey:] me []!
[Elaine:] In the mornings he brings me my slippers and then sli pulls my dressing gown off the door. Dressing gown. I say oh no! Another ten minutes [LAUGHTER] in bed Edward []. Yeah.
[Audrey:] I know. He makes me laugh.
[Elaine:] We were talking to a woman in the shop over this bathroom and he said, tt, let's make a.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] I says Nick we're going now.
[Audrey:] Why you been looking at bathrooms... this morning?
[Elaine:] Been looking at... sinks again.
[Audrey:] Have you?
[Elaine:] Yeah. Well we we I was saying to dad, I mean, this one that we were going to get was three sixty.
[Audrey:] It's ridiculous!
[Elaine:] Not paying that! We've got one down to one eighty. Erm, that's about the cheapest we seem to be able to get that one. Have you heard him, he calls me Elaine.
[Audrey:] I know he does.
[Gordon:] Does he?
[Elaine:] And Kevin, Kevin.
[Gordon:] Does he?
[Audrey:] Eh! Oh dear!
[Elaine:] What have
[Kevin:] What have you
[Elaine:] you got there?
[Kevin:] A full packet of biscuits!
[Elaine:] Mr snotty nose.
[speaker004:] Biscuit.
[Elaine:] Edward, you're gonna look like one.
[speaker004:] My biscuits.
[Kevin:] Biscuits again?
[Elaine:] He'll eat the packet.
[Audrey:] first.
[Elaine:] He'll eat the packet.
[Audrey:] Come here.... Alright.
[Elaine:] He was bouncing on the trampoline [LAUGHTER] last night []
[Audrey:] Give them to me and I'll.
[Elaine:] and he, as he was bouncing he was shouting really loud... and I was saying, oh yeah! You're very good. You're very good. Oh! That's great! You're bouncing so high. And he's stopping and going
[Audrey:] Here, you can have
[Elaine:] I'm good.
[Audrey:] one of these. That's the last one!
[Elaine:] I said and very good. So he'll bounce again. He's bouncing away now and shouting
[Audrey:] No! Don't put
[Elaine:] and stops and
[Audrey:] them on the floor.
[Elaine:] Kevin. Shout. [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] To get his da to shout at his daddy [].
[Audrey:] Oh!
[speaker004:] Oh!
[Elaine:] Well I suppose it's understandable though when he hears us. You know... you use a name. I keep saying, no
[Audrey:] Look!
[Elaine:] it's daddy.
[Audrey:] Blooming heck it's! Edward. That would have been Jimmy.
[Elaine:] Tt. Oh!... [shouting] Edward []!
[Audrey:] That was a great big blooming
[Elaine:] Shh! It's not recording.
[Audrey:] It is.
[Elaine:] Is it?
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Elaine:] Ooh!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] Edward.
[Audrey:] Come
[Elaine:] Come and have your voice recorded.
[Audrey:] He's had it recorded haven't you?
[speaker004:] Daddy.
[Audrey:] Daddy. Mummy. Who am I?
[speaker004:] Barm cake.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Erm, no
[Elaine:] Who's that?
[Kevin:] Who's this?
[Audrey:] Who's this?
[speaker004:] Barm cake.
[Elaine:] [shouting] No! Who's that []?
[Gordon:] I'm not barm cake.
[Audrey:] I'm barm cake. Who's that?
[Elaine:] Who's that?
[speaker004:] Popsey.
[Audrey:] Popsey?
[Elaine:] Is that a crusty old loaf?
[Kevin:] Who's this?
[Elaine:] He said he's whispering it.
[Audrey:] Say it loud.
[Kevin:] Who else? Who's er... that?
[Elaine:] [whispering] If you like, you whisper, who is it []?
[speaker004:] [whispering] Edward [].
[Elaine:] [whispering] You whisper []. Edward! That's Eddy.
[Kevin:] Who's that? [whispering] [].
[Audrey:] What was in the water when we went with Popsey and mummy? What was in the water?
[Elaine:] Fishes.... Was there fishes in the water? D'ya remember?
[speaker004:] Remember.
[Audrey:] You remembered did you? That the fishes were in the water.
[Elaine:] You took them to Popsey didn't you? Eh?
[Audrey:] Di did you show them Popsey?
[Gordon:] [cough]
[speaker004:] No I put them in.
[Audrey:] We'll have to go again won't we, with Popsey? Oh won't we my darling?
[Elaine:] You've got a red ear Edward.
[Audrey:] He's ever so
[speaker004:] Just me.
[Audrey:] Just you, and Popsey. And mummy and barm cake.
[Elaine:] Are you going to a wedding Edward?
[speaker004:] A wedding.
[Audrey:] Are you going to a wedding?
[Elaine:] Are you going to Carl and Lindsey's wedding?
[Audrey:] Have you got ne have you got a new suit?
[speaker004:] New suit.
[Audrey:] Have you?
[Elaine:] I'm dreading it when they
[Audrey:] New suit.
[Elaine:] sing the hymns!
[Kevin:] You, oh yeah, you look nice in your suit.
[Elaine:] He's just gonna, he's just sing really
[Audrey:] Oh it don't matter.
[speaker004:] Sing me. Me.
[Elaine:] Are you going to sing Edward, for us?
[Audrey:] Now then Edward, and you know what Popsey is going to buy you?
[Elaine:] Sing hymns.
[Audrey:] He's going to buy you some new shoes to go with your suit.
[Elaine:] Aye. We've had a look in sale... the other day.
[Gordon:] Oh yeah.
[Elaine:] There's a few, but I, I, I don't think that that would really go with his suit. It's very, very difficult.
[Audrey:] We'll find something won't we?
[Elaine:] I've had a look in Clarkes and had a look in th the other one as well.
[Audrey:] Yes. Kays.
[Elaine:] In the precinct.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Elaine:] Yeah. And
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Elaine:] cos I'll have to have his feet measured this time.
[Audrey:] Oh yes he does, he needs them measuring.
[Elaine:] Well yeah.
[Gordon:] [yawning] Oh dear [].
[Elaine:] Er er
[Audrey:] Where did I see some?
[Elaine:] Well the ones I saw, but they were
[Gordon:] What time d'ya start playing?
[Elaine:] thirteen ninety nine.
[Kevin:] Three o'clock kick off.
[Audrey:] Well?
[Elaine:] Well, you know for like
[Kevin:] Gotta be there at two.
[Elaine:] cos i if you wanted like a proper pair, that's what they are.
[Audrey:] I know they are.
[Gordon:] What, why
[Elaine:] They've got all
[Audrey:] They've got some
[Elaine:] canvas now.
[Gordon:] what are you doing for that hour then?
[Kevin:] Well it takes me about... twenty sa minutes to get dressed, changed. Cos I've gotta strap all my... joints up
[Audrey:] I wanna go to
[Gordon:] Right.
[Kevin:] Er, it's gonna rain anyway.
[Audrey:] today. I'm just too tired.
[Kevin:] Er er
[Elaine:] I think it's going to rain too.
[Kevin:] but just basically you, you've gotta get yourself prepared. Some people need about half an hour to get them psychology prepared for it.
[Gordon:] Do they?
[Kevin:] Yeah. It's very important that, yeah. Yeah. That's it. But, I mean some people th
[Gordon:] [sigh]
[Kevin:] So, you just get a spirit
[Elaine:] Aargh!
[Audrey:] Urgh! Urgh! Urgh! You've got to psych yourself
[Kevin:] Should be good.
[Audrey:] up.
[Elaine:] You go like that in the scrum.
[Kevin:] Apparently they've got erm... er something like seventy five percent, seventy five pounds of, worth of
[Elaine:] Are you sho
[Kevin:] alcohol... then
[Elaine:] are you going in the scrummy... with me?
[Kevin:] next to the bath we've gotta drink before we get out of the bath.
[Audrey:] Oh my God!
[Elaine:] I am, in a scrum.
[Audrey:] Kevin!
[Elaine:] Aargh!
[Audrey:] Do you think you'll win? Who you playing today?
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Play a team called Boxwell.
[Elaine:] Aargh!
[Kevin:] Er, you know Wayne?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] You tackle me.
[Kevin:] His brother plays for them.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Kevin:] Yeah. And a bloke from work, his son-in-law plays for them as well
[Elaine:] Oh I'm in a head to head.
[Kevin:] the first team.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] In a head to head.
[Kevin:] So er, it should be quite good.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Kevin:] I mean we should
[Audrey:] Oh dear. Pick that bit up and eat
[Kevin:] win it.
[Audrey:] it. Yeah.
[Kevin:] Touch wood.
[Audrey:] Touch wood please.
[Kevin:] Erm... the team we beat last week
[Audrey:] No!
[Kevin:] Thirty five nil
[Audrey:] Don't throw it at me.
[Kevin:] beat Rochdale
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Kevin:] so we should beat them.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Kevin:] But I mean there's no certainty in the league
[Audrey:] No.
[Kevin:] not in a league game there's not anyway.
[Audrey:] No.
[Kevin:] And if we win this game we're into, promoted, and we go into the league then that is a very good standard.
[Elaine:] One in there.
[Audrey:] Good.
[Kevin:] We've done very well.
[Elaine:] Put that bit o
[Kevin:] But er
[Elaine:] in there.
[Kevin:] it's just we're a very, small, old-fashioned type club
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Kevin:] where's it all members and all the members... keep the club going.
[Audrey:] It's all been refitted, the club.
[Kevin:] Yeah, the club's been refitted.
[Elaine:] Oh! Has it?
[speaker004:] Where's the car?
[Kevin:] There was a big grant from the ga er th the brewery.
[Elaine:] Oh!
[Kevin:] Apparently we're one of the few... beer... hostelries, so to speak, like pubs and clubs and things like that, that make their profit purely
[speaker004:] Barm cake.
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER] on the bar take []!
[Audrey:] Good Lord!
[Kevin:] We're one of the few in the ar in the county apparently. Everybody else makes,pu pubs
[Elaine:] So they're having all the bar turned round then?
[Kevin:] nearly always make a loss if they stop the
[speaker004:] Do it.
[Kevin:] things like food and
[Elaine:] It's all being turned round.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Kevin:] But we make it just on beer.
[Elaine:] So you have more room for your
[Kevin:] It takes something like eight hundred quid
[speaker004:] Urgh! Urgh! Urgh!
[Kevin:] a day
[Elaine:] like that... so it's
[Audrey:] How much?
[Elaine:] a turn round.
[Kevin:] , eight hundred quid, over the
[Audrey:] Do they?
[Kevin:] over the bar. On New Year's Eve they made
[Audrey:] Good Lord!
[Kevin:] sixteen hundred pounds... over the bar.
[Audrey:] Good Lord!
[Elaine:] Yes? What?
[Kevin:] And that's purely on beer... and alcohol. So the brewery are very keen to sort of keep in there and make
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Kevin:] money.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] They're given thirty grand
[Elaine:] Runny nose!
[speaker004:] Mummy, can you
[Kevin:] to do the bar up.
[speaker004:] can you come here?
[Kevin:] So a club like
[Elaine:] That's it, all in the corner like that. We'll put it all in the
[Kevin:] It is, yeah.
[Elaine:] corner.
[Kevin:] We got a ma massive membership.
[speaker004:] Which corner?
[Kevin:] We've got seven teams
[speaker004:] Corner, corner
[Kevin:] altogether.
[Elaine:] Well where's the sink going to go?
[Kevin:] And most clubs did very well to get three or four.
[speaker004:] The sink, erm the sink, erm
[Gordon:] Mm.
[speaker004:] down there.
[Kevin:] Very good fe
[Elaine:] Yes.
[Kevin:] feeling as well.
[Elaine:] What about the wardrobes?
[speaker004:] It won't go up.
[Kevin:] Where are you gonna have the sink then?
[speaker004:] Right here.
[Kevin:] The sink's gonna go, sort of, there is it?
[speaker004:] Well I think
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] And what about, what about the bed? Where's the bed going to go?
[speaker004:] Mummy's bed's gonna be a plane.
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] The bed's gonna have a plane on it?
[Elaine:] He goes into the front bedroom and... tells where everything's going to go.
[Gordon:] Right.
[Audrey:] Is, is Gerry playing
[Elaine:] So shall we have the wardrobe over there?
[Audrey:] today?
[Kevin:] Yeah. Played well last week.
[speaker004:] Monkey.
[Kevin:] Cos the first time he was on Thursday last week.
[speaker004:] Monkey.
[Audrey:] Yeah I saw his name in
[speaker004:] Monkey.
[Audrey:] the local. Mm.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Mummy, we're all gonna be late.
[Kevin:] Played well last week.
[speaker004:] We're gonna be late.
[Kevin:] They all played well last week so
[Audrey:] When are you going to play for the Colts?
[Kevin:] Got the
[Elaine:] Never!
[Kevin:] the under-eights first.
[Elaine:] You're a cissy aren't you?
[Kevin:] That's what we start off, under-eights.
[Gordon:] What th what, is that what they start?
[Kevin:] Under-eights, yeah.
[Gordon:] Oh.
[Kevin:] We have under-eights
[Elaine:] You'll be in there saying
[Kevin:] and then go on to
[Elaine:] get off!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] then they have
[speaker004:] Get off!
[Kevin:] what's called the Colts when they're
[Audrey:] Get off!
[Kevin:] eighteen. I played for the
[Audrey:] Don't you?
[Kevin:] club at the under-sevens first.
[Elaine:] Get off my
[Gordon:] Yeah?
[Elaine:] biscuit!
[Kevin:] First went down when I was nine.
[Gordon:] Well you see it depends how, what go you're going on to.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Under-eights is the youngest we have.
[Audrey:] Eh!
[Kevin:] Se seven.
[Elaine:] I'll thump you!
[Kevin:] They play at seven.
[Gordon:] They play at seven? That's the youngest?
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] That's the youngest to my knowledge, yes. Yeah.
[Kevin:] Erm... and a lot clubs don't have that. A lot of clubs start at under-thirteens.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] This year I played er my twentieth year for the club.
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] Did you []?
[Kevin:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Did you really?
[Kevin:] I started when I was nine.
[Elaine:] Oh!
[Audrey:] Oh! God!
[Elaine:] [screaming] You've only got seven years to go []!
[Kevin:] Mhm.
[Audrey:] Elaine used to deafen them on the side there!
[Gordon:] Why, d'ya get, do you have to retire at a certain time?
[Kevin:] Sorry?
[Gordon:] Do you have to reti pack it up a certain time?
[Kevin:] Oh no, there's blokes at our club playing at
[Audrey:] Yes it
[Kevin:] fifty.
[Gordon:] Is there really?
[Audrey:] it's a
[Kevin:] Aye. Yeah.
[Audrey:] movies. I don't care.
[Kevin:] A lot more than that. They do the
[Audrey:] Nor does anybody.
[Gordon:] They're a different team though aren't they, of course?
[Kevin:] Oh yo they have, we have what's a called a vets team.
[Gordon:] Got an oldies team have you?
[Kevin:] Vets.
[Gordon:] Veterans?
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] That's the end of that.
[Kevin:] Some of the veterans teams are absolute bastards to play with!
[Gordon:] Are they?
[Kevin:] Really hard! Dead dirty.
[Gordon:] Are they?
[Kevin:] Oh aye. Well they're all cynical old
[Gordon:] And a
[Kevin:] sods!
[Gordon:] are they quick is what I
[Kevin:] Oh no.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] They're not quick. But they're just cynical, they know all the dirty tricks.
[speaker004:] One.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] You get some right smacks when you play vets teams.
[Audrey:] Well.
[Kevin:] Well yeah.
[speaker004:] Cup of
[Gordon:] Is he wo on that?
[Kevin:] No, no, he
[Elaine:] Tea.
[Kevin:] plays on, he plays for the first team normally I think.
[speaker004:] Hot.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Elaine:] And he hasn't
[Gordon:] What over here?
[Elaine:] been a dirty player.
[Kevin:] Oh,. But th people like Mike
[Gordon:] Well you're supposed to be.
[Audrey:] Thank you darling.
[Kevin:] Yeah. You're supposed to, like Mike.
[Audrey:] Don't pull that sweetheart.
[Kevin:] He's erm... whatsername? How old's Mike? I think he's thirty eight, and he's on the first team.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Kevin:] And he's old for a, for a player. But he's a very, very good player. He's excellent player. He played for the county and things like that?
[Elaine:] Is he thirty eight?
[Kevin:] Mike is, he's thirty eight.
[Gordon:] But hims isn't really a rugby player build is he?
[Kevin:] Oh aye, yeah.
[Audrey:] Oh he is.
[Gordon:] Is he?
[Elaine:] He's quite.
[Audrey:] He's a big man.
[Kevin:] a big stocky, big
[Audrey:] Oh he's quite big.
[Kevin:] stocky bloke.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Is he?
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Oh aye.
[Elaine:] What was he did Kevin when he was training fo quite a few months back? Something to do with his chest?
[Kevin:] Oh he was doing weight training... and erm... he was doing weights that much he er tore the whole of his chest muscle away from his shoulder. Cos all his chest
[Audrey:] Good Lord!
[Kevin:] muscle just came down here... like a woman's breast.
[Elaine:] I'd say he could wear a bra.
[Kevin:] It was down here
[Elaine:] Oh it was awful!
[Kevin:] cupped like that... and all the muscle and tendons were sat there.
[Gordon:] Good God!
[Elaine:] It's revolting!
[Kevin:] Bloody thing.
[Elaine:] He trains very, very
[speaker004:] Snap!
[Elaine:] well don't he Kevin?
[Kevin:] Yeah he
[speaker004:] Snap!
[Kevin:] I trained with him
[Elaine:] Snap!
[Kevin:] in weights about four or five years
[speaker004:] Snap!
[Kevin:] ago... and he could walk me... at weights.
[Elaine:] He's got them all in garage
[Kevin:] And that is a strong man!
[Elaine:] Got all the stuff in the garage.
[Gordon:] Has he?
[Kevin:] But he's a builder so he's just well
[Audrey:] I know you're anaemic.
[Kevin:] very strong bloke indeed. But I mean, not all rugby players are big.
[Elaine:] I know I'd say to look at i to look at him you wouldn't think it.
[Gordon:] No, he don't, he don't look sort of particularly
[Elaine:] No.
[Kevin:] That's right. I mean, we've got a lad called Morgan
[speaker004:] Oh yeah.
[Kevin:] and he's a bit shorter than you
[speaker004:] Duck.
[Kevin:] and he's your build
[Audrey:] I know.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] and he's a winger, and he's brilliant! He's a really good player Morgan.
[Gordon:] Oh!
[Kevin:] He's on the first team today.
[Elaine:] Well look Nig.
[Kevin:] Yeah, but Nig is tall though. Nig is tall.
[Elaine:] Yeah, but he don't look like a rugby player.
[Kevin:] No.
[Gordon:] So do you get people that's wha just as light as eleven stone playing then?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] Oh yeah. Yeah. I mean Morgan, I bet Morgan's not over eleven stone.
[Audrey:] Mm!
[Elaine:] Well he was at the wedding. Don't you reme d'ya remember he started off all that... sort of
[Kevin:] Irish dancing.
[Audrey:] Irish dance, [LAUGHTER] yes. That's it [].
[speaker004:] Can I go on there?
[Kevin:] I mean you get some very small players.
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[Kevin:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Has Mandy had her baby yet
[Kevin:] They're not all, all
[Audrey:] d'ya know?
[Elaine:] Not due yet.
[Audrey:] You eat it.
[speaker004:] No.
[Kevin:] It's quite amusing, the England players have erm, got a second row and he's not big enough to play in the second row for England
[Elaine:] See what he did?
[Kevin:] he's only six foot five.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Put it in the ashtray []!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] No. No more.
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Kevin:] No.
[Audrey:] No! They're all go
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Audrey:] No!
[Kevin:] Edward.
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Audrey:] No!
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Audrey:] No!
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Audrey:] No I said!
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Audrey:] No!
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] No []!
[Gordon:] They say rugby, er the game of rugby
[Audrey:] They've all gone now.
[Gordon:] is played by gentlemen don't they?
[Kevin:] That's right. It's a hooligan's game played by gentlemen.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] And football's a gentlemen's game played hoo hooligans.
[Gordon:] Hooligans. Ah.
[Kevin:] They say about watching as well.
[Audrey:] Ah! Ah! Don't you smack your Popsey!
[Gordon:] Er er... they never, you know when you watch it on television, there's never trouble in rugby like they do in football is there?
[Kevin:] Well i in rugby when there's trouble, it's face to face... say what you wanna say and smack them!
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] In football, it's wait till the ball's gone then kick them from behind!
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Ye cha
[Kevin:] It's all bloody
[Audrey:] it's a bit more child
[Gordon:] It is isn't it?
[Kevin:] it's silly li
[speaker004:] Hello.
[Kevin:] little schoolgirls play football.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Kevin:] Rugby league's the harder game of the three.
[Gordon:] Is it?
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] It's no use [LAUGHTER] trying to smarm me [].
[Elaine:] I could watch a game of rugby, I couldn't watch
[speaker004:] A biscuit.
[Elaine:] a game of football.
[Audrey:] No!
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] I wonder what is, what is the basic difference between rugby league
[speaker004:] Not me.
[Gordon:] and rugby union then?
[Kevin:] Rugby union players have got a brain.
[speaker004:] Just there.
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah [].
[Kevin:] Rugby league players are thick!
[speaker004:] Is it for me?
[Kevin:] Stupid!
[Audrey:] What do you play?
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] What do I
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] I knew she was gonna say which do you
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Elaine:] play []!
[Kevin:] Rugby union I play.
[Gordon:] Well rugby league is a, is a, is there
[Kevin:] Basically
[Gordon:] more things you can
[Kevin:] rugby league players get paid for playing rugby.
[Audrey:] Fresh orange?
[Kevin:] It's a job.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] Er, that's what you see on a Saturday
[Audrey:] What?
[Kevin:] afternoon... are things like rugby league challenge cup final or something.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] Salford... Saint Helens
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] Wigan, Widnes, they play rugby league. You get paid for playing... er, you don't ha or you have very few scores, you don't have line-outs... and basically you tackle about... a hundred million times a game. So basically you just run at them all the time.
[Audrey:] Fresh orange.
[Gordon:] I see. So the rules are a bit different then?
[Kevin:] Oh yeah, they are quite significantly different. But I know a lad that's physio for Wigan
[Audrey:] Okay darling.
[Kevin:] Wigan rugby league, they do a very good physio now... and he was saying when he was Leigh, he was with Leigh rugby league first of all, they had players in their second team... and it was their sole intention to go out and break people's jaws!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] It's the only way to do it in a game. They don't care if you get
[Audrey:] Here are darling.
[Kevin:] sent off for it. As I say
[speaker004:] Ta.
[Kevin:] absolutely stupid!
[Audrey:] Good boy.
[Gordon:] Mm mm.
[Kevin:] Th the only ones are ed educated are the ones that go from rugby union to rugby league. The rest of them are absolutely stupid! Ye they're all the miners, the steel workers, the clea th the
[Audrey:] Can you put
[Kevin:] road cleaners.
[Audrey:] have you, is he got
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] you?
[Kevin:] They're not proper people.
[Gordon:] No. No.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] They're not. They're absolutely
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] I'm sure they'll be pleased to hear him say that []!
[Kevin:] And all the, all they are er... they constantly get done up for beating people up in pubs.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Kevin:] They're just dic er er aggressive.
[Gordon:] Aggressive people are they?
[Kevin:] Very fit, very aggressive.
[Audrey:] Dickheads.
[Kevin:] Basically.
[Elaine:] Yeah. Mm.
[Kevin:] Yeah. And you can see when they, when they spo when they talk to them after the game. They just, they can't construct a sentence.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] It's like their contrast mu contracts must be amazing! Most probably Xs
[Audrey:] Thick headed.
[Kevin:] just Xs at the bottom of the contract. They can't write.... Crazy! But they do, they get paid a lot of money but only for a short period of time.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] And because they get paid a lot of money they'll put a lot more into it. I mean there's people my size that are probably faster than our fastest bloke at the club. Our club.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] They're very, very,fi fast.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Kevin:] Ellory Hanley's a rugby player. Have you heard of him?
[Gordon:] No.
[Kevin:] He's probably of a rugby league player that is
[Gordon:] Aye.
[Kevin:] I like watching rugby league. I'd hate to play it, but I like watching it.
[Gordon:] Aye.
[Kevin:] [yawning] Yeah. Oh [].
[Gordon:] But most of them are on television, the rugby league, then are they?
[Kevin:] The only ones you see on, unless you watch on Sunday afternoon, like I watched last Sunday, that's rugby union.
[Gordon:] Mm mm.
[Kevin:] On a Saturday afternoon... is invariably rugby league, yeah. Apart from internationals. Yeah. It's always rugby league. Cos there's a lot more sponsorship in it..
[Audrey:] That misplaced you didn't it?
[Kevin:] Still favourite, Land Mine
[Elaine:] Is it?
[Kevin:] Massive! Mm.
[Elaine:] How much will you win?
[Kevin:] Twenty quid.
[Elaine:] Mm mm. That'll do me.
[Gordon:] Is this one National?
[Kevin:] Yeah, we've had a whatsername? A sweepstake at work.
[Gordon:] Oh aye.
[Kevin:] Mind you, it's like, it's like fourteen years since the favourite won the National. They could never win no matter what.
[Gordon:] No.
[Kevin:] We're gonna get fifteen quid for second.
[Audrey:] Pardon?
[Kevin:] And a fiver for, third and fourth.
[Audrey:] D'ya want to go outside?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I'm going to do a
[Kevin:] So
[Audrey:] wee.
[Kevin:] actually there's a good chance it's going to win one of them.
[Gordon:] What were your stakes?
[Kevin:] Sorry?
[Gordon:] What were your stakes
[Audrey:] Do you want to go outside?
[Gordon:] for that?
[Kevin:] Well it's only a pound, we put a pound in and pick
[Gordon:] I mean pubs, don't
[Kevin:] pick a pound and pick a number out.
[Gordon:] Oh.
[Kevin:] I just happened to pick, I picked the favourite and everyone was going [whispering] [].
[speaker004:] Look!
[Kevin:] They've never heard of him
[Audrey:] Yeah. I'm going upstairs to do
[Kevin:] I don't know a thing about horses.
[Audrey:] Come on. I know you've got to.
[speaker004:] Open it.
[Elaine:] Must be ill mustn't he, if he can't even have visitors?
[Audrey:] Poor old.
[Kevin:] Frankie Howerd, yeah.
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] Well he is... the other way ain't he?
[Kevin:] Ye well, could be right actually. I mean, he's got a very dubious past ain't he?
[Gordon:] Oh aye.
[Elaine:] Didn't realize he was seventy. I don't like him though.
[Kevin:] Bit of a quiet type.
[Elaine:] Could hit him! Not that I'd... wish him ill, I mean
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] I imagine he's [].
[Kevin:] It means he's got all the er. God! Isn't that flaming whatsername popular? A plant name.
[Elaine:] Oh aye. Yeah. Everybody has one.
[Kevin:] I ain't never seen it.
[Elaine:] Oh! Yes.
[Kevin:] Lots of flowers. What's it called?
[Elaine:] Flaming, flaming pe er,
[Kevin:] Peony?
[Elaine:] No. Flaming, forest flame.
[Gordon:] Which one's that?
[Kevin:] What you've got in your back garden.
[Elaine:] You've got on the corner of your patio. With red shoots.
[Gordon:] Pink, pink flowers.
[Kevin:] Is that a, but, is that a forest flame?
[Elaine:] Yes.
[Kevin:] Thank you.
[Gordon:] I don't know.
[Elaine:] Very popular.
[Kevin:] I don't often look at what's in the garden.
[Elaine:] I know. Hopeless!
[Gordon:] Do you ever ro have you ever rolled your garden? Do you remember you used to roll them?
[Kevin:] No.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] Can hardly see the sense of it []!
[Gordon:] That's right.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] You think ours is bad []! Used to get a swimming pool in winter didn't we? In the middle. Where the dip is. Right in the middle of the lawn.
[Kevin:] Oh aye.
[Gordon:] Did you?
[Kevin:] Big puddles.
[Audrey:] Did you?
[Kevin:] It's very hard round that area.
[Elaine:] But it looks alright because it's a big lawn. You know, it's
[Gordon:] Terrible condition that lawn.
[Audrey:] I can't stand ours.
[Gordon:] It has, it's got worse
[Audrey:] No grass on ours.
[Gordon:] over the years. The more I put into it the worse it goes.
[Kevin:] I think it does, d'ya, I think like when you scarify it and things like that... all you do is produce open ground for weeds to grow in.
[Elaine:] Well no, you have to scarify it and then you have to... you have to carry on the work, you can't sort of do it and then think, ooh I'll leave it for a couple of months.
[Kevin:] Well. I mean our garden
[Elaine:] The trouble with ours is there's too much bare patches and the weeds
[Audrey:] [singing]
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] []
[Elaine:] are just... plopping
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] in there and saying, oh... this is nice little home.
[Kevin:] Yeah I know.
[Audrey:] [singing] da da da da da
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] da da []
[Elaine:] But last year, because it was put down last year we didn't have time to really
[Kevin:] No.
[Elaine:] we was
[Gordon:] Well I don't think a lot
[Elaine:] Do you want your law book back by the way?
[Gordon:] Well I'll a
[Audrey:] No I won't.
[Gordon:] I'll have it when you, when, when I
[Elaine:] Right.
[Gordon:] need it.
[Elaine:] Cos I just, I just want to have a quick look through it before I gave it
[Kevin:] I'll bring it over after, as long as I'm coming round.
[Gordon:] I'm not desperate but
[speaker004:] And apple.
[Kevin:] Erm... but I don't think we, if we'd have done a lot more work you know, it'd have been any better.
[Elaine:] No, I'm not saying it would. But this year's the year
[speaker004:] There's your car.
[Elaine:] to do it.
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] I mean, there's things we should have done by now, we've not even looked.
[speaker004:] Over there.
[Kevin:] Well no there isn't really.
[Elaine:] Oh yes there is.
[Kevin:] Cos I looked... the other day.
[Elaine:] Er, don't argue with me!
[Audrey:] Di did?
[speaker004:] And play.
[Gordon:] They say, they say... forking it, flaking it is very good, you know.
[Kevin:] Yeah. For drainage.
[speaker004:] Again. Again!
[Elaine:] Well I would, wish you'd do that with ours.
[speaker004:] Again.
[Kevin:] Yeah, it's, it's
[Audrey:] I, I think he's pooed.
[Elaine:] No! Have
[Audrey:] Er
[Elaine:] you pooed?
[speaker004:] pooey.
[Elaine:] Edward.
[speaker004:] Playing.
[Elaine:] Edward.
[Kevin:] They were saying on the telly
[Elaine:] Have you pooed?
[speaker004:] Mummy. No.
[Elaine:] Have you pooed?
[Kevin:] Edward.
[speaker004:] No, no.
[Kevin:] Edward. Have you pooed?
[speaker004:] No!
[Elaine:] I think you have.
[Audrey:] Aha.
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Elaine:] I think you're fibbing.
[Kevin:] The bacon and
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Are you telling tales?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Well I hope you win this afternoon Kev.
[Kevin:] [yawning] Oh! So tired [].
[Elaine:] So do I.
[Audrey:] I'll think about you.
[Elaine:] I won't. I'll be asleep.
[Gordon:] Well all the best.
[Audrey:] Gosh! She'll be asleep. Is she ever awake Kevin?
[Kevin:] Couple of hours a day.
[Elaine:] We had two hours kip yesterday didn't we Ed? In the afternoon.
[Audrey:] Ooh! I love
[Gordon:] Did you?
[Audrey:] ya!
[Elaine:] Me and Ed. Well I did, I don't know what he did.
[Audrey:] [singing] Da diddle dee, dee dee dee dee [].
[Elaine:] He goes to sleep with me and when I wake up he's there so
[speaker004:] Can I have a biscuit?
[Gordon:] That's not a biscuit.
[Audrey:] No. No you've had enough now.
[speaker004:] Two biscuit?
[Kevin:] No!
[Audrey:] No! You've had enough.
[Elaine:] Edward. Have you got a smelly bum?
[speaker004:] Me, me.
[Elaine:] That's no answer is it? Eh? You got a melly bum?
[Kevin:] A beamy.
[Audrey:] You are lovely!
[Gordon:] [yawn]
[Kevin:] Having your hair done are you then?
[Elaine:] Yeah. Thank God! Part- time.
[Gordon:] Oh!
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] Well
[Audrey:] And when you come
[Kevin:] Having it cut as well?
[Elaine:] Definitely.
[Audrey:] Elaine
[Elaine:] Cut and perm.
[Audrey:] when you come
[speaker004:] [whingeing] Er mummy []
[Audrey:] on Monday don't, remind me to give you that er
[speaker004:] Mummy.
[Audrey:] receipt for the address.
[Elaine:] Yes. Kevin can you drop the pram off
[speaker004:] What's in there?
[Elaine:] as well please? Either Monday morning or Saturday night
[Kevin:] Yes.
[Elaine:] er, Sunday night?
[Kevin:] That's alright.
[speaker004:] I go there.
[Elaine:] Cos I can
[Kevin:] What time are you coming in at?
[Elaine:] then I can just pop on the bus then. Be dinner time i I've got to be
[Kevin:] Oh right, yeah.
[Elaine:] there for half past one.
[Audrey:] Well you'll have to catch the five
[speaker004:] Daddy.
[Audrey:] to one
[Kevin:] No you're not going right up there.
[Audrey:] bus here.
[speaker004:] And I go up there.
[Elaine:] And that'll get us in?
[Audrey:] Erm... yeah, it'll get you in to about
[speaker004:] Can I go there?
[Audrey:] er, if there ja hold ups, at about
[speaker004:] Can I go there?
[Audrey:] twenty five past at Saint Peter's Square and then just cut through
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER] Well yo
[Elaine:] Oh right.
[Kevin:] you've gotta go up []
[Elaine:] Lovely.
[Kevin:] Shall I turn it off? Come on then. Up you go.
[Elaine:] You doing your mountaineering?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh! Dear me []!
[Kevin:] Urgh! Aargh! [LAUGHTER] Come on [].
[speaker004:] Come on.
[Kevin:] Go on.
[Audrey:] He says everything now doesn't he?
[Elaine:] Yeah, he's like an echo.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Kevin:] [sighing] Oh! Oh []! Oh!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] Well aren't you
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] tall?
[Kevin:] Oh oh oh oh oh oh!
[Elaine:] Gonna take a dive.
[Kevin:] Oh oh oh! Aargh! Aargh!
[speaker004:] Gonna land just there. Hee hee!
[Elaine:] Trouble is, he thinks he can do it with me as well.
[speaker004:] Elaine do it.
[Audrey:] Mummy'll bump her head right
[Elaine:] Right up there?
[Audrey:] in the ceiling for your, mummy and daddy won't they?
[speaker004:] Me, me. Me, me.
[Kevin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] Aren't you tall?
[speaker004:] Aargh!
[Kevin:] Aargh!
[Elaine:] [screaming] Aargh []! He's not tall now.
[Kevin:] Come on. Let's go. We gotta go.
[Audrey:] Daddy's got to go and play rugby.
[Kevin:] Come on.
[Elaine:] Oh yes. We've got to go now for daddy.
[Kevin:] Got to move a plant for mummy.
[Elaine:] So daddy can
[Audrey:] Bu
[Elaine:] go home and play rugby.
[Audrey:] wha what are you moving?
[Kevin:] A plant. Elaine doesn't want moving.
[speaker004:] [crying]
[Elaine:] No! I'm er, put that rhododendron in.
[speaker004:] [crying] Mummy []!
[Audrey:] Oh. Haven't put it in yet?
[Elaine:] is alright.
[speaker004:] Make a move.
[Kevin:] Pardon?
[Audrey:] Mine, mine
[speaker004:] I'll make a move.
[Audrey:] seems to be making up a bit.
[Kevin:] You're gonna make a move.
[Audrey:] Started to
[Elaine:] Well
[Audrey:] open mine.
[Elaine:] Mm.
[speaker004:] Take it off. Pick you up.
[Elaine:] Pick me up.
[speaker004:] Two, three
[Kevin:] One
[Elaine:] three
[Kevin:] two
[speaker004:] two
[Kevin:] three ee ee ee!
[Elaine:] Are you not going to sing for us?
[Kevin:] Ah.
[Elaine:] Sing.
[Kevin:] [singing] Baa baa black sheep
[Elaine:] [singing] black sheep, have you any
[Audrey:] He is singing.
[Elaine:] wool []?
[Kevin:] []
[speaker004:] [singing] []
[Elaine:] [hiccup]... We've got to sing hymns. Practise your hymns for the wedding.
[Kevin:] Oh aye.
[Audrey:] They've missed me.
[Elaine:] [singing] Jerusalem []!
[Kevin:] [singing] Jerusalem []! Six weeks tomorrow Elaine!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... Sorry about that. I've been wandering
[Iris:] Co
[Audrey:] around with this stuck to me
[Iris:] couldn't you have taken it when I, you know, when I wasn't actually er
[Audrey:] I know. [LAUGHTER]... You should hear us on there. Oh dear God!
[Iris:] Well d'ya remember the first party we had?
[Audrey:] Oh! I know.
[Iris:] Oh! That was terrible.
[Audrey:] You met... but you know Iris
[Iris:] What?
[Audrey:] I sound just like Aunt Edith.
[Iris:] Do you?
[Audrey:] Absolutely!
[Iris:] Cos you don't realize what you sound like do you?
[Audrey:] Just like Aunty Edith I sound. Yes. But, so, I've been
[Iris:] Oh well
[Audrey:] taping everybody
[Iris:] but that's
[Audrey:] who kept saying... don't you, don't you keep taping me! [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] I keep taping them.
[Iris:] So we're to watch all the swear words have we?
[Audrey:] Oh! God! No, anything. So I thought I'll take it to Iris' and er... because we're always talking... so
[Iris:] Are you taking it to the party tonight?
[Audrey:] Oh no.
[Iris:] Oh. Lovely!
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] That's going to be interesting
[Audrey:] Oh no.
[Iris:] isn't it?
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] You know, [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Definitely not. I
[Iris:] I'm just putting the finishing touches, do you like this?
[Audrey:] Oh it's lovely! Oh it's lovely!
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] It's not my colour Iris.
[Iris:] Not my colour either. That's why I'm
[Audrey:] Er
[Iris:] not very keen.
[Audrey:] Oh I like it. Yes. I mean, it's lovely.
[Iris:] She wanted lilac.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Well, so she's got lilac.
[Iris:] So she's got lilac. Er, it's not my cup of tea but I think it's looking alright.
[Audrey:] Aye. It's lovely!
[Iris:] I just kept... keep putting that,tha you know, I keep looking at it until I think it's alright.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Tha int it lovely that Gordon?
[Gordon:] Oh yes!
[Iris:] Not my colour but er
[Audrey:] Yeah. It's very nice that.
[Gordon:] Oh! Very nice. Yes. Is that for present?
[Iris:] It's for er... Sandra and
[Gordon:] Oh yeah.
[Iris:] thingy. But, [LAUGHTER]... I went out, I hadn't a card that was just right.
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] Hadn't got one upstairs, hadn't a card, so I went out sa we've been out this afternoon, and I get this card and I think, oh yes, now that's pretty! That'll look just right with the lilac. It's got happy birthday on it!
[Gordon:] Has it?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] Oh I said to Lyndsey, guess what I've brought?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh oh oh, God []!
[Iris:] So I've, cut it off... stuck that... [LAUGHTER] I took the
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] happy birthday off and stuck that [].
[Audrey:] Oh! Dear me!
[Iris:] Oh!
[Audrey:] But it's lovely that, yes.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Do you think it's alright for somebody that likes lilac?
[Audrey:] Indeed I do! Yes!
[Iris:] Well that's alright. As long as er... I keep finding places that I haven't, you know... thi... this is leaving it to the la I haven't left it till the last minute, but... all las la you know I keep looking at it and thinking well
[Gordon:] You haven't left a box of that here.
[Audrey:] I mean... move the
[speaker004:] Yeah. [tv on rather loud sport]
[Iris:] Just there. You keep finding pieces, but I mean
[Audrey:] As you look at it, yes.
[Iris:] you know.... Cos I don't like the oasis to show... at all.
[Audrey:] You can't see it.
[Iris:] No I don't think, I don't think you can, not, no.
[Audrey:] No. I think it's ever so pretty that!
[Iris:] Do you think it's alright?
[Audrey:] I do! Yes, I do.
[Iris:] Yeah. Well as I say, you know, I'm not lilac minded.
[Audrey:] I'm not.
[Iris:] Oh! I put this frill on... first
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] and I thought, oh my God! Yo you know. So I thought, oh, I think I'll put lace over it, it'll tone the lilac down.
[Audrey:] Down. Yes. Which it is has done.
[Iris:] Yes. Yes. So, hopefully, you know, we're alright. So I think that's, more
[Audrey:] Yeah, I do, that's real pretty.
[Iris:] or less finished it. Er, but I've just done the pink... the odd bits and pieces to it. Right. I'll make you a cup of tea and then... the only trouble with this job is that there's that much stuff around.
[Audrey:] Oh I know. I kept, it's like sewing Iris.
[Iris:] Like sewing. You really
[Audrey:] It is.
[Iris:] need a room where you can go in, leave it as it is.
[Audrey:] And close the door. Definitely!
[Iris:] Yeah. And I mean, actually... I have a room, I could do that, I could go upstairs but there again, you're shut off from everything aren't you?
[Audrey:] That's right.
[Iris:] You know?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] So it ends up, this room gets done. Right. I'll put the kettle on in there.
[Audrey:] It's real good when they do the work in the lounge int it Iris?
[Iris:] Sorry?
[Audrey:] It's really nice when they bring the lawnmowers in the lounge!
[Iris:] Well everything's just
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] I know [].
[Iris:] Lyndsey arrived.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Where is Lyndsey now?
[Iris:] In the ba she's in the bath. I said, well you get in there because I said I don't know if there's any hold up because... you know
[Audrey:] Is Margaret going tonight?
[Iris:] No. No. Erm... th they're away actually this weekend. They're on the Lake District weekend this weekend.
[Audrey:] Oh are they?
[Iris:] Yeah. But they weren't invited any, well I wouldn't think
[Audrey:] Well I didn't think they were.
[Iris:] They weren't expecting to
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] be really.
[Audrey:] I er, but Gordon was, sort of got it into his head that er... they were.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And I said, I'm sure they're not.
[Iris:] Got that cloth.
[Audrey:] Ah!
[Iris:] I love it!
[Audrey:] Have you?
[Iris:] I love it! But I... think you might like it.... I could not re I didn't go, I er, I just wanted to have a look at them but I, I couldn't resist it.
[Audrey:] Oh that's gorgeous!
[Iris:] I couldn't resist it.
[Audrey:] Oh she'll love that!
[Iris:] I couldn't resist it.
[Audrey:] That's lovely! That is lovely!
[Iris:] And it's summat I'd like myself, that.
[Audrey:] I would.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I would.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Yes. Oh it's beautiful!
[Iris:] And I wanted napkins to go with it and they don't have the napkins.
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] So I thought well... they had some white napkins but they didn't go, the didn't go with it.
[Audrey:] No. Ooh! That's lovely!
[Iris:] So I thought... do you think she'd like a flower as well?
[Audrey:] Oh yes!
[Iris:] I don't think she would.
[Audrey:] Oh yes! That's Rosie.
[Iris:] So I give her the colour of the, what... what sort of colours?
[Audrey:] I would say peachy.
[Iris:] Peachy?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Peachy and pink.
[Iris:] Did you like the cloth?
[Audrey:] Ya oh it's gorgeous! Er I'm su
[Iris:] Well, I'm not
[Audrey:] Gordon.
[Iris:] Gordon.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Gordon. Look at that, what Iris has bought Rosie and Carl. Int that lovely!
[Gordon:] That's nice.
[Audrey:] Ooh! It's gorgeous that.
[Iris:] I said to the woman, I said, oh I could do with that myself. I said
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[Iris:] I'll have it. You know
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] I were only going to have a look.
[Audrey:] Oh it's beautiful that!
[Iris:] So I thought well... and I said, do you reckon that's in a, I said which is your favourite cos there was a load of different... she said, that's mine. I said, that'll do. Cos I, to me, I don't think I could better than that.
[Audrey:] No, I don't.
[Gordon:] That's lovely! I could
[Audrey:] That is go
[Gordon:] do the whole house in that.
[Audrey:] go eh well... and it's just ru
[Iris:] I mean something I'd fall for myself.
[Audrey:] I would.
[Iris:] I really would.
[Audrey:] And it's just Rosie that is.
[Iris:] Yes. Yes.
[Audrey:] It's her
[Iris:] But I would have liked to have got the napkins to match, but she said they don't come in with the napkins.
[Audrey:] No. Ooh! It's lovely!
[Iris:] They had, they have the plain white but the... edging was more like... it didn't match, it was a
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] creamy colour.
[Audrey:] Ah yes.
[Iris:] And I thought, no.
[Audrey:] Yeah. No yo
[Iris:] So I thought well perhaps I could make a basket then.
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Iris:] Similar thing.
[Audrey:] Oh she'd love a basket!
[Iris:] Right. So
[Audrey:] Oh! It's lovely that Iris.
[Iris:] Yeah, I liked it very much. I was dead chuffed with that.... And there's not many presents that I can... go out and think... that's it!
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] You know, I'm hovering and think oh
[Audrey:] I'm like that.
[Iris:] I'll go somewhere else and
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] it was from Marsh Mills.
[Audrey:] Yes. It's lovely that!
[Iris:] I'll just go and have a look and I thought, no that's it.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] That's what I want. You know... what it's like. Erm
[Audrey:] Have you used your er fryer yet Iris?
[Iris:] Not yet. Yo you need about three pints of flipping oil with it!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh do you []?
[Iris:] So... I've... we walk everywhere you see, and I thought well I'm not
[Audrey:] Ye
[Iris:] I'll
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] just wait till I've got
[Audrey:] Enou enough, enough in.
[Iris:] I was trying to get there this afternoon actually... er, when we were in Cleveleys, with Ly when I was in Cleveleys with Lyndsey but er, I didn't go anywhere near... then I forgot all about it so I
[Audrey:] Oh I do that Iris.
[Iris:] you know, I thought
[Audrey:] I forget
[Iris:] well blow it! I'm not in need of it, so... you know. But it will be handy for me.
[Audrey:] Oh it will.
[Iris:] No, we've just been to B and M Bargains, [LAUGHTER] Lyndsey said [], oh God! I wish there was one of these near
[Audrey:] Oh I know.
[Iris:] near me. But
[Audrey:] Well
[Iris:] see what she's bought! She said, honestly... erm
[Audrey:] Well it's like th it's like the erm... oh God! I've forgotten what it's bloody called now?
[Iris:] It's that German?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Well that's, that's super honestly Iris!
[Iris:] She's er... bought almost everything!
[Audrey:] Well you can't afford to miss them. Really, can you?
[Iris:] I don't know where they, she must have taken them upstairs I think. Erm... you know... tt... actually there was, there's... what did she say? Is it hundred and... is it hundred and twenty? Hundred and something. Was it Brooke Bond? Er, what's the... names of the... main names, Brooke
[Audrey:] Er er er
[Iris:] Bond... er
[Audrey:] Typhoo
[Iris:] one of those anyway.
[Audrey:] P G.
[Iris:] One of those. Hundred and twenty, ninety nine P!
[Audrey:] I know.
[Iris:] One cup sort of
[Audrey:] It's incredible isn't it? Well I know I get a hundred and eighty T bags, they're called Diplomat
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] er er er, and I think it's one thirty four, whereas they're two pound fifty six in er
[Iris:] Yes.
[Audrey:] in Tescos. I mean, they're just as good as P G and, and all the others,yo well you can't tell the difference Iris.
[Iris:] No.... But Cleveleys was absolutely jam-packed this afternoon!
[Audrey:] Was it?
[Iris:] I was absolutely amazed! Cos we don't very often go Saturday afternoon and it's really busy!
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Iris:] Well it's... sort of quite nice afternoon isn't it?
[Audrey:] Oh yes, it's not bad
[Iris:] You know?
[Audrey:] at all.
[Iris:] What's the time like?
[Audrey:] Er, quarter to six. We got here in just... an hour and five minutes.
[Iris:] Oh did you? That was good.
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[Iris:] Right. I'll er
[Audrey:] Did you like the invitation cards?
[Iris:] Oh lovely!
[Audrey:] Weren't they pretty?
[Iris:] Yes.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] Yes. Very!
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Iris:] What?
[Audrey:] Wait till I show you this Iris.
[Iris:] What?
[Audrey:] Ah! I'm gonna kill our Irene! Honestly!
[Iris:] Why? What's happened?
[Audrey:] She's not going!
[Iris:] Oh is she not?
[Audrey:] But wait till you see the reply Iris.
[Iris:] Oh! Oh!
[Audrey:] Not what she's written, but... I mean you know how much a re a card er, cost.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Our Carl brought it away from 's, he was that ashamed of it!
[Iris:] Oh my God! Oh dear!
[Audrey:] Just look
[Iris:] Oh dear!
[Audrey:] at that Iris!... She's done that to spite me you know.
[Iris:] God! I haven't written mine.
[Audrey:] Oh it doesn't ma I, I,yo na you know, I'm not worried over that.
[Iris:] No.
[Audrey:] But how d'ya like that?
[Iris:] Oh! Isn't that awful!
[Audrey:] Isn't that disgraceful er,Ir Iris? That's an absolutely
[Iris:] Did she send that to them as well?
[Audrey:] Yes! So our Carl got it... back, you know, soon as had seen it, he brought it back, he said I'm not letting... Rosie's sister see this. And I said that is an utter disgrace! But she's done that to spite me Iris.
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah. [sighing] Oh []!
[Audrey:] There's ju no na no address!
[Iris:] No address. She said
[Audrey:] Torn off a pad! I knew she wouldn't go.
[Iris:] Oh Irene's sort of
[Audrey:] But I could have invited somebody else you know, Iris.
[Iris:] Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah.
[Audrey:] But I thought I won't give her room to talk.
[Iris:] No. Yeah.
[Audrey:] She can er
[Iris:] Isn't that, that terrible!
[Audrey:] I couldn't believe it when I saw it. Couldn't believe it! Honestly!
[Iris:] Miserable so and so!
[Audrey:] Isn't she?
[Iris:] Good God!
[Audrey:] Int she? I mean you could buy a, a, a little card
[Iris:] Well I mean that's it, but there's even, not ev not even on a li on a pad.
[Audrey:] No. I mean, it's terrible in
[Iris:] You know, on a decent card
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] sort of thing.
[Audrey:] Co when our Carl was showing it me... I couldn't believe it! You know... so
[Iris:] I hope you've got it down on your thing what you thought about her.... [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh don't! Honestly, you know what, they're going to learn from this! []
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Good job they don't know who I am.
[Iris:] Are they all anonymous?
[Audrey:] Ye oh yes we are!
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] Oh that's good. I wouldn't like you to sort of er
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] No []
[Iris:] start a, a World War Three would we?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] No [].
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Oh dear me!
[Iris:] Oh! Well that's terrible that is!
[Audrey:] That i isn't that terrible Iris?... Well I couldn't, I couldn't believe it when he shown it me. You know. Er, and er, I said to Gordon, I said well
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] What?
[Iris:] He's cracked up already.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Knock some bloody sense into him []! Well that is typical of a man int it?
[Iris:] Yes.
[Audrey:] Int it Iris? They've got to do it immediately.
[Iris:] Immediately. Yet she's here all day tomorrow.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] I mean, you know, it would have... lasted
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] wouldn't it, till
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] tomorrow?
[Audrey:] Oh no. No it [LAUGHTER] wouldn't Iris [].
[Iris:] I said, they're just coming down the road, I said the first thing your father'll say, has it got a plug on it?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Cos that's the first thing.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] Funny enough, it hadn't got a plug on it.
[Audrey:] It hadn't?
[Iris:] No!
[Audrey:] Well they should have shouldn't they now?
[Iris:] Well I, I thought that. I said to Lyndsey I'm sure they're supposed to have plugs on.
[Audrey:] I don't think it comes into force till nineteen ninety three.
[Iris:] Ah! Yeah.
[Audrey:] Well, it's bad. They
[Iris:] Yes.
[Audrey:] should have them on.
[Iris:] Yes.
[Audrey:] Definitely!
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah. But Lyndsey was saying her answer machine... [hiccup]... Oh! Excuse me. That's the tea. Her answer machine... er... she's got two answer machines cos... she so when the other wo she kept having a lot of trouble with it, kept breaking down and it'd go away for three weeks and she'd be without it
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] so she's got two, I think now. And, she said the plug that goes into the... from the answer machine goes into the thing
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] she said... er it went, the plug went wrong. So she can't take the plug off.
[Audrey:] Tt. Oh!
[Iris:] You cannot take the plug off at all.
[Audrey:] No they're moulded on aren't they?
[Iris:] So she's gotta take, she took it back, she took it back. She said if I send it back it's gonna be nineteen pa it's seven pound to get a... thing back!
[Audrey:] Cor!
[Iris:] I said, you know they're making things... expensive for people.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] You know.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] I mean, seven pound... and all it is a plug that's wrong!
[Audrey:] Yes. Yeah. It's disgraceful!
[Iris:] It was, I'll tell you what it was, it was, no the plug was alright, sorry! It was the wire
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] had come a bit loose
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] so all it needed was... the plug undoing
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] and the lead to go in... you know
[Audrey:] Putting through.
[Iris:] whatever. Seven pounds it was!
[Audrey:] It's terrible!
[Iris:] Awful int it?
[Audrey:] It's outrageous what they charge.
[Iris:] You know for people on low incomes, how can they cope with
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] things like that?
[Audrey:] They can't.
[Iris:] I mean, seven pounds to have, I mean they're not gonna probably have an answer machine, but... you know for things... if things are going to be like that
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] how the hell can they afford it?
[Audrey:] I know. It's terrible!
[Iris:] You know.
[Audrey:] It really is.
[Iris:] You don't take sugar do you?
[Audrey:] No thanks. But Gordon does.
[Iris:] Gordon does? Yeah.
[Audrey:] Thanks Iris.
[Iris:] Do you want something to eat or
[Audrey:] No thanks.
[Iris:] You sure?
[Audrey:] Positive thank you.
[Iris:] Gordon takes what?
[Audrey:] One please.... No it's erm... it's awful.
[Iris:] But I think that's making things a bit ridiculous.
[Audrey:] So do I.
[Iris:] I really do. Here are Gordon?
[Gordon:] Thank you.
[Iris:] Do you think you can take time out to have a cup of tea?
[Gordon:] Oh right thanks.
[speaker004:] We might have finished that
[Iris:] Watch out! Well that could have been done tomorrow!
[speaker004:] Yeah, well
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... Might as well talk to yourself Iris.
[Iris:] Yes, that's typical int it? Eh? Typi ci al.
[Audrey:] Oh dear!
[Iris:] I thought I... I left Ian looking after that. Looks as if he might tonight but, mind, it's only for Lyndsey's room. [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... Is Lyndsey going tonight Iris?
[Iris:] Yes.
[Audrey:] Oh good!
[Iris:] Yes.... Mm mm. Erm... Howard was... Howard wrote and told me that erm... he couldn't get... a he didn't think he would be able to so he wrote and told them early
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] erm... and then he found out he wouldn't... it's a good job because he couldn't have done
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Iris:] cos he's acting bo acting er boss for the
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] next week so... he couldn't have been away anyway.... That is good.
[Audrey:] I bet Jean'll miss him you know.
[Iris:] Yes. She don't like Ena.
[Audrey:] I know she doesn't. I could tell tha that night
[Iris:] Well cos
[Audrey:] here.
[Iris:] well, and I
[Audrey:] I told you what she said didn't I?
[Iris:] What she say?
[Audrey:] Tha about his mother.
[Iris:] Oh! His mother? Yeah.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] Well, I, I said... everybody's said, everybody said exactly the same thing, they said what do you think of her? Or, they'd talk about the party and say, hey what about Neil's girlfriend! I said, right what do you think about her? And everybody said the same thing, rough.
[Audrey:] Yeah. I thought that.
[Iris:] Everybody's had a, and they've all used the same word, apart from Peter who goes a bi little bit further than
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Iris:] that.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... He would.
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]... So er... I thought I sa I said well Jean'll be the one to know because she'll, but she also works for Jean's friend
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] here you see. So I spo I spoke to Jean on the phone and er, she sa I said, what did you think about er... er wha you know,ho how do you like Sandra? So she said, [whispering] don't []
[Audrey:] Oh.
[Iris:] you know, she said, [whispering] but she said I keep it []
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] so she couldn't any more.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Iris:] Because
[Audrey:] You could tell that here though. That
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] night. You know, because er... you know when Jean had had a few
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] you could see
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] ye yo
[Iris:] You see I get, I didn't have a lot of conversation with anybody in
[Audrey:] No.
[Iris:] particular.
[Audrey:] No, that's right.
[Iris:] I never got,conversat long conversations
[Audrey:] You never do when you're the hostess.
[Iris:] with anybody.
[Audrey:] No. No.
[Iris:] You know. Erm, so I, I, I hadn't got a feel of it. But, you know
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] so I've got the photographs.
[Audrey:] Oh! Have you? Let me have a look.
[Iris:] Er, you, Jean and I looked absolutely.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Iris:] Fair, fat and sixty!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Well that's what we bloody well are []!
[Iris:] Well, that's what I thought.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Oh God!
[Iris:] Oh that's the... er... bit out of the... the paper.
[Audrey:] What is it?
[Iris:] No, it's alright. You
[Audrey:] Ah.
[Iris:] know when I was looking for that
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Iris:] for the erm... a witness.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Oh God Iris!
[Iris:] I know.
[Audrey:] Ooh! Int it good of Emerald.
[Iris:] She upsets, and int it good of
[Audrey:] She go
[Iris:] Alistaire?
[Audrey:] It is!
[Iris:] Excellent of Alistaire.
[Audrey:] I don't like that one of her, she looks a bit drawn.
[Iris:] No.
[Audrey:] That's erm
[Iris:] Good one of Margaret.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Iris:] And good of Jane and
[Audrey:] Oh my godfathers! What do we look like!
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Look at my double chin. Oh God!
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Didn't she, weren't she well oiled?
[Iris:] Oh God! Yeah.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Oh []! [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] Finally get the... I love Buster's face on those two.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] I know! And he's really
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER] He's definitely ignoring us [].
[Audrey:] I know [].
[Iris:] Look at his face!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] I know. Oh dear me []! Ah! Oh that's good.
[Iris:] Yeah it's good of them
[Audrey:] Oh.
[Iris:] int it?
[Audrey:] Yeah it is. Very good.... That's nice.
[Iris:] That's when James said... don't it look like you Iris.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] So I thought, after all this time!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Now []!... That was the
[Iris:] I wish Tim had of taken th he, he didn't bring his camera.
[Audrey:] Oh that's good!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] That's lovely!
[Iris:] Yeah. I say, he didn't bring his camera. And you know he doesn't
[Audrey:] You know, he normally always has his camera.
[Iris:] and he always has his camera. And they're always such good photographs. Yes. Oh that's a good one
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] I love it []!
[Iris:] int it?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I love it []!
[Iris:] It is a good one.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... It's a good one though.
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Al oh fancy cutting Lyn's
[Iris:] Her head off. Yeah
[Audrey:] head off!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] That's good. That's good of Peter.
[Iris:] Good of Peter int
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Iris:] it? Yeah.
[Audrey:] It is.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Oh that's ni I always take one of my flowers you know.
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] Always.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Oh my, [LAUGHTER] when was that []?
[Iris:] You di you did the vol-au-vents.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh was I []?
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] I said she's always doing vol- au-vents []. It's
[Audrey:] Na
[Iris:] on that tape that we used to ha oh God! [LAUGHTER] It's on this tape as well isn't it []?
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Course it is [].
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah [].
[Iris:] A
[Audrey:] Not to worry.
[Iris:] Cos, on, on the tape that we had at that party we were
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] saying... er... have you had a vol-au-vent Audrey? Oh yes! I've had another vol-au-vent [LAUGHTER] of course!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yes. I know. Can't you tell by my arms [].
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... Oh int that lovely! Yes.
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Ooh! It's good of Margaret!
[Iris:] Good of Margaret isn't it?
[Audrey:] Ooh! It is good.
[Iris:] Yes. Very. Yeah.
[Audrey:] She takes a good photograph though.
[Iris:] She does take a good photograph.
[Audrey:] That's a nice one.
[Iris:] Yeah. Actually there's to [LAUGHTER] there's two of those []. She said she'd got, she'd got... you know those things that you take double?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] But three of those came, so
[Audrey:] That's good of Joan, you know.
[Iris:] It is. Sh she takes, I think
[Audrey:] She does.
[Iris:] she takes a good photograph.
[Audrey:] She does.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] That's good that.
[Iris:] I think she's er
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] erm... it's good.
[Audrey:] Is she alwa you know it's her colouring.
[Iris:] Yes. Yes.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Iris:] That's true.
[Audrey:] Have you had a card off her yet?
[Iris:] Two.
[Audrey:] Oh my God! And ha ha
[Iris:] Right hang on... you've missed one there.
[Audrey:] Have I?
[Iris:] I do I don't know what it is though.... Where's my cake? Another cake?... Well perhaps it's in the... I should have one of my cake shouldn't I?
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Iris:] Oh I don't know.... I was going to say. Mind you, I don't
[Audrey:] Weren't it a good cake?
[Iris:] Eh?
[Audrey:] Wasn't it a good cake?
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] You know, if I, I said to Lucy you know... if I... cos I, always laugh on photographs
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] and I try to be serious on some and I look miserable.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah [].
[Iris:] I look dead miserable!
[Audrey:] Not a good one that of you.
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER] Oh no []! [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Oh isn't that good []!
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Ah ah ah!
[Iris:] I thought I might take another one cos she said the nose isn't quite... as, you know
[Audrey:] Yeah. Erm
[Iris:] but she wanted i i she wanted, it's taken sort of at an angle
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] you know.
[Audrey:] Oh I think it's really good that!
[Iris:] Yeah. Yeah. [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] What's that?
[Iris:] That was just a couple I did.
[Audrey:] Oh.
[Iris:] Th they're, they're not bad. But I wished that Tim
[Audrey:] Oh they're very good.
[Iris:] I wish Tim had erm... taken some, you know
[Audrey:] Well he
[Iris:] because he takes, and his camera you know, they're such good
[Audrey:] Cam
[Iris:] they're just good colours.
[Audrey:] Yes. Yes. I know what you mean.
[Iris:] And I think, I think they're a bit pale.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] His are always true coloured. You can tell what you're wearing
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] it's the right colour. You know.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Iris:] But er, they're not bad.
[Audrey:] They're very, oh! They're good.
[Iris:] Well I, yeah, yeah. So, anyway... better get er
[Audrey:] What time are we leaving?
[Iris:] get myself sorted out. Erm... dunno
[Audrey:] I've only got to get changed and... put some make up on.
[Iris:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Are these the cards off her Iris?
[Iris:] Oh yes. Wait a minute. I've just... tidied up today. Oh yes. One from Honolulu, well no, one, I thought I'd have one from Beverly Hills... Hotel actually. Erm... where's that one from? Oh that's from New Zealand. That's from Margaret and Jim. Oh Hawaii.
[Audrey:] Oh my God!
[Iris:] Hawaii, and they're just on their way to Pearl Harbour or something. That's the other one of New Zealand. New Zealand looks nice. Well New Zealand looks like... country and
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Iris:] you know.
[Audrey:] [reading postcard] Turning a lovely brown []. Oh God!
[Iris:] But I thought I'd have one from Beverly Hills Hotel actually.
[Audrey:] Eh! She wants to be careful if the Japs don't come to Pearl Harbour again. [LAUGHTER]
[Iris:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Oh oh!
[Iris:] I'll show, I must take these and show Jean tonight
[Audrey:] Er yes.
[Iris:] There's the pictures of the party.
[Group Of Unknown Speakers:] [talking in other room]
[Iris:] Yeah I know. Do you mean that all the flowers there?
[Gordon:] If you only want... for the effect of being a clown.
[Audrey:] Yeah, I think you're probably right there. Yes. Yeah.
[Gordon:] Was it between someone running off like that bloke in that
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] whatever it was? Yeah well you shouldn't.
[Audrey:] I know. And they all
[Gordon:] I don't like that.
[Audrey:] No I don't. I don't.
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Audrey:] I've noticed that though before.
[Gordon:] Have you?
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yes I have. Or if anybody is sort of slightly backward
[Gordon:] Yes.
[Audrey:] portraying someone who's slightly backward.
[Gordon:] Or maybe brilliant or a
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] erm... a swot.
[Audrey:] Yes. Yeah. I think it's all wrong.
[Gordon:] I don't actually, I don't know why they do it because, I mean, half the people are listeners int it? I mean it's
[Audrey:] Course they do.
[Gordon:] blooming horrible!
[Audrey:] I think a lot more these days, and a lot that you don't know that's wearing contact lenses.
[Gordon:] That's right. Yeah.
[Audrey:] I must listen to this. Again!
[Gordon:] Yeah but, he said, you know, is that your mum there? I said, no it's not, and then say the place. Just on the other side. Well should have been really... taking two of her strong tablets she says, you know, and she has.
[Audrey:] Oh dear!
[Gordon:] She thinks it's because she was carrying Gemma.
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Gordon:] Yeah. On that side.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] It sounds like a.
[Audrey:] Oh dear!
[Gordon:] She went to see chiropractors, you know when
[Audrey:] Yeah. Oh heck! And that is bad news! What, did she mention anything about the card?
[Gordon:] No, I didn't.
[Audrey:] And didn't you?
[Gordon:] No.... I'm not having it er... she didn't do the, when she said to me I want to speak to you about it, she said, you know, she wasn't involving me at all was she?
[Audrey:] No. I'm thinking of writing myself you know, to Karen.
[Gordon:] Oh no you can't do that!
[Audrey:] I, I can.
[Gordon:] Because I don't mind if Karen writes and bloody blames us... that it's our bloody fault, I'm not bothered.
[Audrey:] No, I just feel that er
[Gordon:] You don't wanna do that.
[Audrey:] I mean we
[Gordon:] It'll upset her that.
[Audrey:] she's obviously er very upset, and I, I mean, I just don't want that, she's such a nice girl. You know, like I really don't... I, I just thought perhaps a note from me... you know, apologizing.
[Gordon:] Why not, get a note from Karen apologizing for being a, I had the hump.
[Audrey:] [sighing] Yeah []. I thought, well a note from both of us really.
[Gordon:] Well I don't think she, and she, Karen wouldn't want that because... well it, it's nothing to do with us. Is it? We're sticking our er oar in where we shouldn't. And so the other... [talking from other room] he's there if you want isn't he? I mean
[Audrey:] Well I know that.
[Gordon:] You can't stick your oar in like that to her at any old time can you, really?
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] Well you could have stuck, you know, seven or eight years of age you couldn't even do it then in case it hurt the kid's mother or something like that, or whatever it was.... She's nearly an adult. Well and truly! Getting an old man now, never mind.
[Audrey:] Well I know that. I know, but
[Gordon:] Well it's, it's not our, it's not our er, we'll be just sticking our nose in where it's not necessarily wanted.
[Audrey:] Yes but it was our mistake in the first place.
[Gordon:] Well it wasn't really was it? Obviously, I mean I know you're arguing with her but er... but if he'd, if he'd have go if we got a christian name that night it wouldn't have gone down as either of those... Karen or... Fran.
[Audrey:] I know well we could have found out... quite easily.
[Gordon:] Oh aye. That's a different story. Yes. We could have found out. We could have phoned Amy and found out there and then virtually, but I think we said oh, I, summat like i i it's not worth bothering about, don't matter just put.
[Audrey:] But it did matter didn't it?
[Gordon:] It did matter but we didn't know that at the time did we?
[Audrey:] Oh no we didn't.
[Gordon:] It'll be worse now, in retrospect, it'll worse... phoning Amy up at that moment... and asking what the name was. And he could have put it down while he was here. Cos he didn't know the name that night.
[Audrey:] Oh I know he didn't. I know that. But the thing was, what I, what I was ge [door bell] getting to last night, is that we didn't bring the name into it, the surname.... Get out! [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] Hey?
[Audrey:] Hello sunbeam!
[Elaine:] Wipe your feet.
[Audrey:] Hello!
[Elaine:] Wipe your feet Edward.... Edward! Edward! Feet!
[speaker011:] No.
[Elaine:] Yes!
[speaker011:] No.
[Elaine:] Yes!
[Audrey:] You should do Edward. Shouldn't you?
[Elaine:] All wet look, all these wet
[Audrey:] Mummy does.
[Elaine:] feet.
[Audrey:] Mummy does. Doesn't she?
[Gordon:] Got the pushchair?
[Audrey:] Why? Why?
[Elaine:] We had to walk from the next stop.
[Audrey:] Have you? Why?
[Elaine:] Shh!
[Gordon:] Hello!
[speaker011:] Mummy.
[Audrey:] Oh.
[speaker011:] Biscuit.
[Elaine:] They make me sick!
[Audrey:] That man
[Elaine:] I got on the bus, I said, you do go along Ashton Lane
[Audrey:] Thank you.
[Elaine:] er, er don't you? I dunno.
[speaker011:] Well, can I have one?
[Elaine:] So I said, oh! Well that's it. He left it at that. So I said er... oh right, well I'll take a chance then. So I said, Kilt Drive please. Where's that? I said off Ashton Lane. Well where's it near? I said, well where do you know? Nowhere!
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Elaine:] I thought, that's not much use is it? So I looked at sheet, I said it's opposite Queen's Road. He said, oh fifty five. He didn't give me a chance to sit down with him! Just, you know, they just jerk off!
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker011:] Drink it all.
[Elaine:] Then I rang th er, the thingy the bell to get the bus to stop and he goes to the next flaming stop! And I had to ask... a lad stood at front, I said can you ask him to stop at this stop please. So I had to walk from the, you know the flats half way down Ashton Lane?
[Audrey:] Yeah. Tt. Oh dear!
[Elaine:] Stupid bus driver!
[speaker011:] Biscuit.
[Audrey:] I've got none!
[Gordon:] We haven't.
[speaker011:] Er er
[Audrey:] Look in ma look in my cupboard, I've got none.
[Elaine:] I better let you go.
[Audrey:] Aren't you going to have er
[Elaine:] I'll, have you got a sandwich or something?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[speaker011:] Ooh! Ooh! [cat noise]
[Audrey:] Just a minute. Let me see to your mummy first.
[Elaine:] [talking from other room] I'm not, I've been sitting down for half an hour.
[Audrey:] Come here, let me take your coat off.
[speaker011:] I push you.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] You villain you are []! Have you gone and said hello to Popsey yet?
[speaker011:] In a chair. [cat noise]
[Audrey:] Just a minute Susie. There we are darling.
[speaker011:] Just a minute Susie.
[Audrey:] Just a minute.
[speaker011:] Miaow!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... You're a villain saying that!... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker011:] Yeah. Share. Erm... some more.
[Audrey:] Oh! [LAUGHTER] Oh God! Edward []! Enough. Here.
[speaker011:] Don't like it.
[Audrey:] You don't like it? Well I've got no other. I haven't got another thing.
[Elaine:] You don't like it, don't have it, don't eat it, you get nothing else!
[speaker011:] Eat it.
[Elaine:] You wanna put your slippers on?
[speaker011:] Yes please.
[Audrey:] Put your slippers on.
[speaker011:] No I want a biscuit.
[Audrey:] Are you going to have something to eat first?
[Elaine:] You've got to have your lunch first. Haven't
[speaker011:] No
[Elaine:] you?
[speaker011:] erm....
[Elaine:] Now mother th your dress
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Elaine:] if I'm out too late
[Audrey:] I know, it'll be closed.
[Elaine:] I'll not get there. Yes.
[Audrey:] I know.
[Elaine:] I hope you realize that?
[Audrey:] Oh well I'll go.
[Elaine:] No. I mean, this should be finished in an hour innit norm I'm only er round the back. Excuse
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] me!
[Audrey:] What are you after?
[Elaine:] What do you say to Nanny? Shut the fridge door please!
[speaker011:] Some fresh orange.
[Elaine:] You want some fresh orange do you?
[Audrey:] Eh, I'll give him some fresh orange.
[speaker011:] Coke.
[Elaine:] I haven't got no Coke.
[Audrey:] I haven't any Coke darling.
[speaker011:] Well we'll see.
[Audrey:] I'm starving Elaine!
[Elaine:] That'll do him for the. Oh God mother! He's gonna drink more than that throughout the day. Edward. There you go.
[speaker011:] No.
[Elaine:] No he don't want it.
[speaker011:] I want a biscuit.
[Audrey:] That's all there is.
[Elaine:] I haven't got any!
[Audrey:] Now that's all there is Edward.
[Elaine:] Don't go silly. You haven't said hello to Popsey.
[Audrey:] No he hasn't yet.
[Elaine:] You old misery face!... Your crayons are in there as well. I bet Popsey's drawing now. I bet Popsey's drawing. I bet he's drawing the diggers and things.
[Audrey:] Are you going to eat one of these a Edward? Will he eat one of these do you think? On a barm
[Elaine:] What?
[Audrey:] cake? A veggie burger.
[Elaine:] Oh I don't think he'll eat them. It depends how he feels, I mean, if.
[Audrey:] Are you going to eat one of these?
[Elaine:] I don't think
[speaker011:] Sue! Sue!
[Audrey:] On a barm cake?
[Elaine:] Watch where you're walking.
[speaker011:] Mummy, I draw.
[Elaine:] It's in here, Edward. Your crayons are in here. Look, on the floor.... [whispering] I've not actually said anything about the car. Did you ask about the car []?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Dad doesn't wanna drive.
[Audrey:] No I know. Alright.... [break in recording] Have you got a nappy?
[Elaine:] Yes.... I was there when you had your hair done.
[Audrey:] I know.
[Elaine:] .... [talking from other room] Ah! That's good.... What colour's that? About that one.
[speaker011:] drawing!
[Audrey:] Oh good!
[Gordon:] I don't think. That's that little box thing
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] but,.
[Audrey:] I love
[speaker011:] .
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER] Ah ah []!
[Audrey:] And na I'm just cooking the dinner darling and th then we'll see to you.
[Gordon:] I can't remember it.
[Elaine:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Are you drawing wheels!
[speaker011:] They're wheels.
[Audrey:] Aren't you clever!
[Elaine:] Except for da that's all he does is draw wheels.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... I love the way he lies out the
[speaker011:] Draw wheels.
[Audrey:] You can draw wheels! Aren't you clever?
[speaker011:] And a car.
[Audrey:] And your cars!
[speaker011:] There.
[Audrey:] Whe ah! He's
[Gordon:] You
[Audrey:] putting the wheels on the car daddy.
[Gordon:] You're all in green today Edward.
[Audrey:] Oh! Aren't you
[Elaine:] A leprechaun.
[Audrey:] Are you a little leprechaun?
[Gordon:] Gre green socks as well!
[Audrey:] Pre lo got, daddy... look what he's doing.
[Elaine:] Aren't you clever!
[Audrey:] Look Popsey.
[Gordon:] He's got up to there, I know but it's bloody cold!
[Audrey:] It is ca ho cold today.
[Elaine:] What do they look like!
[Audrey:] Pardon?
[Elaine:] What do they look like!
[Audrey:] I know.
[speaker004:] Are these the dreams?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Elaine:] Is it?
[Audrey:] Yeah.... They look terrible!
[Elaine:] Oh so what? They're embarrassing!
[Audrey:] [shouting] Hooray! Wo! Wo! Woo! Woo! Woo []! [LAUGHTER]... Aren't you a love?
[speaker011:] ... a digger.
[Elaine:] A digger.
[Audrey:] It didn't, but then did
[Elaine:] You saw a digger?
[Audrey:] A dig dig digger.
[Elaine:] He's trying very hard, look!
[Audrey:] Yes he is. You're clever! Int he clever Popsey?
[Elaine:] I hate her voice!
[speaker011:] [hiccup]
[Audrey:] I do. Your dad thought, your dad says a, a jury's going to
[Gordon:] She's still getting four every week.
[Elaine:] Terrible person!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER]
[Elaine:] Terrible!
[speaker011:] Moo cow.
[Audrey:] A moo cow!
[Gordon:] A moo cow?
[Elaine:] Moo cows in that book aren't there?
[speaker011:] Sheep.
[Gordon:] Sheep. Sheep.
[Elaine:] How many sheep?
[Audrey:] Very good!
[Elaine:] How many sheep?
[speaker011:] One, two, three sheep.
[Audrey:] Three sheep!
[Elaine:] Four sheep!
[Audrey:] Very good! Very, very good!
[speaker011:] Sheep.
[Gordon:] More sheeps. What's that?
[speaker011:] Doggy.
[Gordon:] A doggy.
[Audrey:] A doggy. That's right.
[Elaine:] You know if he's not sure of something or he doesn't
[speaker011:] The hens
[Elaine:] know
[Audrey:] Yes he does. Hens.
[Gordon:] Hen. Yes.
[Audrey:] And er... a duck.
[Gordon:] Edward, what's this? That's a swan.
[speaker011:] Mm.
[Elaine:] That's a nice dress.
[Audrey:] That's a lovely suit!
[Elaine:] Oh! It's started.
[Gordon:] What
[Audrey:] It's a nice suit that.
[Gordon:] what's that? I bet you know what that is.
[speaker011:] Horsey.
[Gordon:] Horsey.
[Audrey:] She's a Lord's daughter, you know.
[Gordon:] Course it is. Yes.
[Elaine:] Is she?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Ooh! Ooh! What's that? Moo! What is it?
[speaker011:] Moo cow!
[Audrey:] A moo cow! That's right.
[speaker011:] Moo ooh!
[Elaine:] Oh oh!
[speaker011:] A cat.
[Gordon:] That's a cat. Yes it's like, it's like, it's like er... Susie.
[speaker011:] Like Susie.
[Gordon:] Yes. That it's, the cat. [whispering] Susie [].
[speaker011:] Susie the cat.
[Gordon:] Yeah. What's this? Ooh I don't know what that is, do we?
[Elaine:] What?
[Gordon:] What's that?
[Audrey:] Can I have a look?
[Elaine:] A goat.
[Audrey:] It's a goat!
[Gordon:] That, oh! Sorry!
[Audrey:] It's a goat! And there's a, little nanny goat and those are hens.
[speaker011:] Aargh! Aargh!
[Audrey:] Oh! Oh! What was that for?
[speaker011:] A goat.
[Audrey:] A goat. That
[speaker011:] Urgh! Urgh!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker011:] A goat.
[Gordon:] Can I have a look?
[speaker011:] Sheep.
[Audrey:] Sheep. [LAUGHTER]... He's gorgeous!
[Gordon:] Well I should think those others. [cooking something in fryer or frying pan]... [break in tape]
[Elaine:] in a big size
[speaker011:] That
[Elaine:] studio. And they test Wella products in there.
[Audrey:] Pardon darling?
[Elaine:] And the the
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] shampoo and a conditioner as well which is ten pound... and so, when you go back they know that you've used their products and
[speaker011:] Draw, draw a digger.
[Elaine:] se see what condition your hair's in.
[Audrey:] Pardon love?
[speaker011:] Draw a digger.
[Elaine:] , sounds as if you
[Audrey:] Do a digger? You do a dig
[Elaine:] get free shampoo and
[Audrey:] Tell you what
[Elaine:] and conditioner.
[Audrey:] you do a digger
[Elaine:] Oh! Well I used to pay like thirty five, forty pound for my perms.
[speaker011:] I'll draw a digger.
[Elaine:] Didn't I mother?
[Audrey:] Yes. Yes you did.
[speaker011:] Draw a digger.
[Audrey:] Ye Popsey'll draw you a digger cos I'm doing the lunch. Popsey'll draw you a digger.
[speaker011:] Draw a digger.
[Audrey:] Popsey, draw a digger please.
[Gordon:] Now then, I need to, I need to know what diggers look like.
[Elaine:] Is it five to the bus or ten to?
[speaker011:] Do you want a pen?
[Audrey:] Well e get there for er... ten to. It's nearly done now. Do you want a cup
[Elaine:] Oh I know.
[Audrey:] do you want a cup of tea?
[Elaine:] No thanks. I don't want a drink....
[Audrey:] Sit down for a minute, he's gonna be a minute.
[Kevin:] Thank you Edward. Can I sit on the chair?
[Audrey:] Ooh he's a bossy boots!
[Kevin:] ?
[Audrey:] Er
[Kevin:] Looks like it. No, that's
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] for Edward. You've been a lucky boy haven't you?
[Audrey:] We've been in the park haven't we? On the swings.
[Kevin:] You're a lucky boy! [running water]
[speaker011:] That slide.
[Audrey:] And the slide. Yes.
[speaker011:] And the slide!
[Kevin:] Been on the slide?
[speaker011:] Yes.
[Kevin:] On a slide!
[Audrey:] And been helping Popsey.
[Kevin:] Oh!
[Audrey:] Haven't you?
[speaker011:] Aha.
[Kevin:] You're a good boy!
[speaker011:] Oh oh!
[Kevin:] It's daddy.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker011:] Daddy.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Oh God []!... Gordon where did you put that other er... Pyrex... jug? What you were measuring out with?
[Gordon:] Oh is it still int washer?
[Audrey:] Isn't that fantastic!
[speaker011:] draw.
[Kevin:] You didn't really do that, that drawing did you? Have you drawn that? Don't rip it up please! No! No, no, no! Don't tear it up. Do we?
[speaker011:] I'll put it just there.
[Audrey:] Oh! Look at that man.
[speaker011:] Oh yeah!
[Kevin:] What time will tea be ready mother? Have I gotta wait?
[Audrey:] No I've got all the veggies on now love.
[speaker011:] Yes we are.
[Audrey:] Why are you hungry darling?
[Gordon:] Just put it up there.
[Kevin:] Gotta wait gotta wait for mummy.
[Audrey:] Are you waiting for your, for, for Elaine, Kevin?
[Kevin:] Is Sam home?
[Audrey:] Oh yes he's mo
[Gordon:] Not moved
[Audrey:] not moved it yet.
[Kevin:] Er, yeah I was going to but I don't know what I'm gonna do really. I said, I told her to ring here when she finished at the
[Audrey:] Right.
[Kevin:] the whatsernames, so at least I can know whether to go home and come back
[speaker011:] Out!
[Kevin:] or what.
[speaker011:] Doggy out!
[Kevin:] I thought it's a lot easier to come here by bus. That's all.
[Audrey:] Pardon?
[Kevin:] It's a lot easier to come
[Audrey:] It is.
[Kevin:] here by bus than to get er
[Audrey:] It is.
[Kevin:] home. So
[speaker011:] [crying] Where's our car []?
[Audrey:] I don't know the phone number else I'd er
[Kevin:] No.
[Audrey:] you could ring them and give them
[Kevin:] That's right, yes.
[Audrey:] cos er, we don't... ours doesn't touch town does it Gordon, our erm
[Kevin:] Yeah it does. The
[Audrey:] er
[Kevin:] phone book?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] The centre of town's included in it.
[Audrey:] Oh is it?
[Kevin:] Town centre.
[Audrey:] Well it should be in there then Kevin.
[Kevin:] In fact, that's included in mine. Could I give them a ring? See if
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Kevin:] for er.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Gordon:] Oh oh!
[Audrey:] Oh that's nice.
[Elaine:] Before anyone says anything, it's very curly so it'll drop.
[Audrey:] It's nice that Elaine.
[Elaine:] I look like Vera!
[Audrey:] Oh do you hell as like look like Vera!
[Gordon:] [LAUGHTER] You look like Vera []!
[Audrey:] You don't. She's er, do you know that's
[Elaine:] No.
[Audrey:] really nice!
[Elaine:] No?
[Kevin:] What do you think of your new mum?
[Audrey:] Don't she look lovely! Oh
[Elaine:] Say I don't like your hair!
[Audrey:] thanks Elaine, for getting me that.
[Elaine:] Got a banging head
[speaker011:] Mummy
[Elaine:] now! I hate it when I have my hair permed.
[speaker011:] Can I have sweeties?
[Audrey:] Do you want erm... that?
[Elaine:] Didn't get out till half past four. It took her two hours to put the curlers in!
[speaker011:] Sweeties.
[Audrey:] Did it?
[Elaine:] Sixteen minutes for the perm to take.
[speaker011:] Got sweeties.
[Elaine:] She kept putting the curlers in and i they just kept coming out. She said I don't believe this! She said a ee... and d'ya know what, I didn't have a student. The students
[Audrey:] Didn't you?
[speaker011:] That's daddy's car
[Audrey:] didn't turn up so I got one of the teachers.
[speaker011:] Daddy's car.
[Audrey:] Good!
[Elaine:] Nothing would
[Kevin:] You're lucky then.
[Elaine:] go in. She put a curler in, she'd be doing, say, down there and that one would come out.
[Audrey:] Oh she's
[Elaine:] She was having a fit! I said you can swear if you want, I don't mind.
[speaker011:] A biscuit.
[Audrey:] Eh! It's a nice a perm that Elaine.
[speaker011:] [whining] A, a biscuit [].
[Audrey:] I've got none!
[speaker011:] I want a biscuit.
[Elaine:] Do you think I'd come home with packets of biscuits for you?
[speaker011:] No!
[Elaine:] Say mummy I like your hair.
[speaker011:] [whining] A biscuit [].
[Elaine:] Say that.
[Audrey:] Were they nice people?
[Kevin:] Say mummy, I like your hair.
[Elaine:] Great! It's just like a proper salon, but talk about professional!
[Kevin:] My mother goes.
[speaker011:] [whining] Biscuit [].
[Elaine:] How long have you been home?
[Kevin:] Er er... about five.
[Elaine:] Have you got two pounds fifty mum?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[speaker011:] [crying]
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Just to... sort, now. So that's six quid.
[Audrey:] Why is, d'ya want that?
[Elaine:] I didn't pressurize you to buy that
[speaker011:] Want sweeties.
[Elaine:] father. No.
[speaker011:] [whining] And sweeties [].
[Audrey:] Do you know I can
[Elaine:] You pay before you go up so I mean you can't even think about
[speaker011:] A biscuit.
[Elaine:] I bought it
[Kevin:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] because I thought I may as well
[speaker011:] Biscuit.
[Elaine:] try and keep it
[Kevin:] No biscuits Edward.
[Audrey:] So really, I wo I wish I would have gone there.
[Elaine:] She said if I used Head and Shoulders now on this it would revert back... because it has such a sa a strong P H balance in Head and Shoulders it has the same effect as reversing it.
[Audrey:] I, I, a hairdresser told me that years ago Elaine.
[Elaine:] She said we would try, had a trial run. She said we did a... an experiment and we tried to perm a girl's hair with Head and Shoulders
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] she said it absolutely, the perm just went out at a, a week.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Do you know a, a hairdresser years ago told me that. Er, it's the same solution.
[Elaine:] Yeah. She said it'll just, she said that'd, she said that'd straighten it, yeah.
[Audrey:] Wish I would have gone. That's lovely! That's
[Elaine:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] really nice that Elaine.
[speaker011:] Biscuit.
[Elaine:] There's a woman there about your age having hers done.
[Audrey:] I'd have mine done
[speaker011:] [crying] Biscuit [].
[Audrey:] there next time.
[Kevin:] Did you pop by our shops?
[Elaine:] I got it.
[Gordon:] So do you need trimming after that or will it fall into?
[Audrey:] Keep away darling.
[Elaine:] No, it'll come with that.
[Kevin:] What's that? Is that?
[Elaine:] Oh right. It'll fall into how I want it. Cos you never, I hate my hair when it's first permed
[Audrey:] I do.
[Elaine:] because until I've washed it
[speaker011:] Daddy's car.
[Elaine:] and blowed, I bet it were very tight cos it drops.
[Audrey:] Just watch that, he don't run over.
[Kevin:] Come here.
[Elaine:] Should have been on my hair fifteen minutes
[Kevin:] Sit on here.
[Elaine:] they leave it for half an hour.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[Kevin:] Sit on there.
[speaker011:] [moan]
[Elaine:] What have you been doing today? Have you been a good boy?
[Audrey:] Oh he's been very good! We've been to the park.
[Elaine:] You've been to the park!
[Audrey:] And he helped da he helped Popsey
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] in the garden.
[Elaine:] What have you done to your lip?
[Kevin:] He's got a little bit of a split lip cos every time he either smiles a lot or bangs it slightly it just opens up.
[Elaine:] Oh dear!
[Audrey:] And... tell... tell mummy we went on the swings. And on the
[Elaine:] No!
[Audrey:] slide.
[Elaine:] Did you go high on the swings?
[Audrey:] He did.
[Elaine:] Did you go very high?
[Audrey:] And then we splashed in all the puddles. And then we watched the spider go over the ceiling didn't we?
[Elaine:] You've had a very good day haven't you?
[speaker011:] A spider.
[Elaine:] Yes!
[Kevin:] I think he's gone now Edward.
[Elaine:] Well he's just going to check.
[Audrey:] Oh God! I've not done enough potatoes.
[Elaine:] Has the spider gone?
[Audrey:] Oh yes I have.
[speaker011:] Yes it has.
[Elaine:] Eh? And what's Popsey been doing while you were at the park?
[Audrey:] Oh! Popsey's been nursing him and
[Elaine:] No!
[Audrey:] they watched, they watched Neighbours together.
[Elaine:] Ah no! You weren't watching Neighbours?
[Audrey:] That'll do nicely for our Carl, that one.
[Elaine:] Is that what you were doing? Eh?
[Audrey:] Not very good potatoes though.
[Kevin:] I hate it when they go all mushy like that.
[Audrey:] Oh I do. I do. I, I
[Kevin:] like the gravy and they go all like mush.
[Audrey:] I know. Mind you, I'll give that one to our Carl.
[Elaine:] Go on.
[Audrey:] Leave that, that can be boiling a bit longer.
[Kevin:] What time is he home?
[Audrey:] Well erm... if, if our Carl's coming straight home it'll be about quarter to seven.
[Kevin:] Oh is he going
[Audrey:] Er
[Kevin:] going to get her?
[Audrey:] Oh no, cos Rosie's coming straight
[Kevin:] Oh right.
[Audrey:] from work.
[Kevin:] Oh I see. What time does she finish?
[Audrey:] Er er, half past five.
[Kevin:] She should be home in about half an hour
[Elaine:] Have you been drawing this one?
[Kevin:] won't she?
[Audrey:] Well she should be home about six o'clock.
[Elaine:] [talking from other room] Where's the?
[Audrey:] Where's what Elaine?
[Elaine:] Well er... look for the five pens.
[Audrey:] Oh he's er, the paper he's, he's ripped up. I know, well I've been cooking.
[Elaine:] What are we gonna do for tea Kevin?
[Kevin:] Well I've got a pound of mince, but
[Elaine:] I don't feel like spaghetti Bolognese.
[Kevin:] What do you feel like then?
[Elaine:] I dunno. Don't feel like that.
[Kevin:] Okay. Have che cheese on toast if you want. He's had something
[Elaine:] Eh! Eh! Eh!
[Kevin:] at half one.
[Elaine:] What are you doing? [screaming] No []!
[Audrey:] Eh! You're in dead trouble lad.
[Elaine:] Don't draw on the wall!
[Kevin:] Don't draw on the wall.
[speaker011:] Oh no. [whining] [].
[Elaine:] Do you mind if we sa open the door?
[Audrey:] No, open it. I don't mind.
[Kevin:] I think he's getting a bit tired.
[speaker011:] [crying]
[Elaine:] Come on.
[Audrey:] Yeah he's, I felt, he's a little bit tired Elaine.
[speaker011:] [crying]
[Audrey:] Because when we were coming back from the park at er, no not the park... where was we?
[speaker011:] Daddy!
[Kevin:] Pardon?
[Audrey:] Oh but I thought he was going
[Kevin:] What?
[Audrey:] to go to sleep. Well it's really, it's really nice that Elaine.
[Elaine:] It's alright int it? Just a bit curly.
[Audrey:] By hell it is! I tell you what, I shall go again.
[Elaine:] Well i it were like a proper, er i in fact, they were more professional than a proper salon.
[Audrey:] Yeah.... I think if I phoned up er, you know, er... when I we do want one again and I'll say, you know, I'm sort of in my sixties will you do it? I'm sure
[Elaine:] Oh oh
[Audrey:] they will.
[Elaine:] course they will. Yeah. Well I say, you don't have to buy the shampoo. I did, because I want to keep it
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] sh and she said that that shampoo will last me approximately three to four months.
[Audrey:] Well that, you can't grumble at that can you?
[Elaine:] And you use, you know, like a, the size of a pea cos it's so concentrated.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] So, and I got your dress.
[Audrey:] Good. Thanks Elaine.
[Elaine:] And the receipt for it.
[Audrey:] I'll have a look at it after, I haven't got time at the moment.
[Elaine:] I'm sorry I was so late. I thought, you know
[Audrey:] Don't matter.
[Elaine:] go and pick your dress and came straight home.
[Audrey:] It's alright.
[Elaine:] As I say, but when she couldn't get the rollers in I thought, oh my God!
[Audrey:] Well he's been no trouble at all. No trouble.
[Elaine:] He's not bad is he?
[Audrey:] He's been really
[Elaine:] Not a bad
[Audrey:] I tell you what, he's talking a lot more.
[Elaine:] Oh I know. He does get fed up doesn't he when he... he can't
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] do certain things.
[Audrey:] This is our Car
[Elaine:] or when he's tired. This is his worst time.
[Audrey:] But he's er, he's just had a Weetabix actually Elaine.
[Elaine:] Oh has he?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] Did he have any lunch?
[Audrey:] No, not, not what you, no, not really Elaine. No. He didn't.
[Elaine:] Sometimes he does. I mean, yesterday he eat three as though he eats every night.... You listen when he says no.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] I know [].
[Elaine:] A right creep.
[Audrey:] He de he is. By hell he is Elaine!... Oh heck! Oh there it is, I thought it
[Elaine:] Probably it was lucky I didn't get the main traffic coming home. I managed to get on a bus at sort of five-ish.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Elaine:] I got the six thirty though that goes a bit round the houses.
[Audrey:] Oh, still as long as you sat down I say.
[Elaine:] Oh well,. And everybody else seemed to get on it so I thought, oh, just my luck the two five twos had broken down.
[Audrey:] Are you alright Gordon?
[speaker011:] Going out the back door.
[Kevin:] Do you wanna make a move madam?
[Elaine:] Yeah. I'm putting his stuff together right
[Kevin:] Okay.
[Elaine:] now.
[Kevin:] Okay.
[Audrey:] He's not pooed or anything else.
[Kevin:] That's... okay.
[Elaine:] Right.
[Gordon:] Have you got any water mother?
[Audrey:] Yeah it's in the fridge.... Ooh! Audrey, that's hot. You what love?
[Gordon:] That one will do for me.
[Audrey:] Er, is there enough for me?
[speaker011:] In daddy's car. To daddy's car.
[Audrey:] You're going in daddy's car, yes love.
[Elaine:] [sighing] Oh [].
[Audrey:] What's the matter Elaine?
[Elaine:] Where's your shoes?
[Audrey:] I tell you what I couldn't find Elaine
[speaker011:] [whining] It's cold [].
[Audrey:] is his erm
[Kevin:] It's not cold.
[Audrey:] ball.
[Elaine:] His ball?
[Audrey:] Where did you put it?
[Elaine:] Oh I'm sorry! Oh! I, I showed you when I was going.
[Audrey:] I know, I couldn't remember.
[Elaine:] Yeah it's here.
[speaker011:] Nanny.
[Audrey:] Oh well that's alright. He didn't really want it because er
[Elaine:] Right, I think that's everything in there.
[Kevin:] We'll go that way outside.
[Elaine:] Right.
[Audrey:] Sorry I cannot
[Elaine:] Thanks for watching him mother. Er, dad says it's his
[Audrey:] Oh it's alright.
[Elaine:] by the way.
[speaker011:] Pick up.
[Kevin:] What's that?
[speaker004:] Yeah so you don't, you don't like it?
[Audrey:] Well I, I never do when it's first done, you know
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] but once it's dropped
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] a little bit I much prefer
[speaker004:] I know what you mean
[Audrey:] it.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I'll take your coat love.
[speaker004:] Thanks. It was... raining like mad this morning when I came out.
[Audrey:] Oh I know it was really bad, thank you.
[speaker004:] I thought this is it's turned out quite nice ain't it?
[Audrey:] It's been quite warm this afternoon er Rosie, it has. You've just missed Elaine and er
[speaker004:] Oh have I?
[Audrey:] baby. I've ha I've had him all day.
[speaker004:] Right. Have you? [door bell]
[Audrey:] Oh God!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Oh [].
[Audrey:] Oh. It's just one of those
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] days I'm afraid. Hello! Oh hi. God! I thought you'd forgotten all about me. Go in Rosie.... How much do I owe you? You know I was four bottles short one day. That was Saturday wasn't it? That was on the er, one Saturday. Yeah. I was er, have you knocked that off. Yeah I've knocked that off. Yeah Right. Thank you. Er... let me see what I've got here. I thought you'd go... you deserted us. Oh no, no. What happened? Well when I ca when I came you'd gone away so Oh I se and I only come every two weeks you see so Oh! Do you? Oh is that Yeah. ah well as I know that now. Yeah, well that's right and I, okay. Erm It makes it a bit easier every two weeks. Yeah. That's okay then. So when are you next due? Er, well it should have been, er, not this, not this week coming, the next week. Yeah, the following weekend. Yeah. Sixteen Right. eighty Well... erm... God I ma fourteen... so that's nearly, nearly Eas just before Easter int it? Yeah it's jus well I'm going away on the Thursday before Easter, so perhaps on the Wednesday morning Yeah. wo could you knock? Have you got time to knock? I could do, yeah, on the Wednesday. On the We er You just leave me a note to remind me. I will do. And then I'll I will do, and then I can pay you. Right. Yeah. Okay. I'll do that. That's lovely! Okay, thanks very Right. Thank you. much. Bye-bye.... I've only just put it out er, Rosie, but I'll just put it in the microwave for a minute.
[speaker004:] Oh right. Right.
[Audrey:] Okay?
[speaker004:] Yeah. Yeah. Did you have a good time at your party?
[Audrey:] Yes it was very nice weren't it Gordon? Erm... it was very, it was cold though weren't it? And the place wasn't very warm.
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] You know,sa
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] I mean it weren't so bad for us because we were dancing but Gordon doesn't er... dance, you know, so
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] in fact they felt the cold, you know?
[speaker004:] Where was it?
[Audrey:] What was the name of the place Gordon? Stewart Hotel wasn't it? Southshall.
[Gordon:] Ne near the Pleasure Beach in Blackpool.
[speaker004:] Oh! It was Blackpool
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] was it?
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[speaker004:] Oh right. Mind you, it is a cold place isn't it, Blackpool?
[Audrey:] Oh it is! And it was er, it was quite amazing when we were going on the motorway we saw these cars with erm... er er... there was like Pakistani erm... and Turkish flags flying and when we got, er when we was going at the night time to Blackpool it was crammed! Er, it was end of Ramadan you see, and, and they'd all descended upon er
[speaker004:] Oh I see, yeah.
[Audrey:] Blackpool, and it was like muldoons weren't it Gordon?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] They were all beeping their horns and oh! [talking in other room inaudible]
[speaker004:] ... [LAUGHTER]... Do you know I've just realized that your curtains... are... nearly like what I've ordered for the bedroom.
[Audrey:] Are they?
[speaker004:] Yep. It's just, not the pattern, but the style.
[Audrey:] The style of it, yeah.
[speaker004:] The the frill and th and then sort of having an edging, yeah.
[Audrey:] Yeah. I er, and you know I think they're ever so nice these days th the curtains.
[speaker004:] I think they're pretty the curtains.
[Audrey:] Yes I do.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I do
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] really. Cos it's not long now you know Rosie.
[speaker004:] Six weeks. [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Oh, do you think our Carl will survive?
[speaker004:] I'm getting a bit worried, well I'm getting worried myself but... I don't know, I think he might be a bit nervous.
[Audrey:] He's ve he's very edgy
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] I think.
[speaker004:] He is as well.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] And I think he's lost weight but I don't like to tell
[Audrey:] I do.
[speaker004:] him.
[Audrey:] I do.
[speaker004:] I don't know whether he's told you, cos I think he has.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] Mm mm.
[Audrey:] Yes I do too. But you know Rosie, he does silly things, I mean... erm
[speaker004:] I know that.
[Audrey:] he comes home at, at nine o'clock and he, he doesn't have a thing to eat and he goes out playing squash, then he's not eating his main meal till eleven o'clock at night.
[speaker004:] No I know.
[Audrey:] Which is stupid!
[speaker004:] I've told him, yeah.
[Audrey:] I'm glad you have because he won't take any notice of me.
[speaker004:] [talking in other room] He hasn't anything to eat time to eat anything.
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] No I'm sure that he doesn't.
[speaker004:] I know.
[Audrey:] There we are Rosie.
[Gordon:] He takes a, a
[speaker004:] properly.
[Gordon:] sandwich you see and eat it while he's erm
[speaker004:] Oh my goodness!
[Gordon:] while he's, while he's working, d'ya know.
[speaker004:] Well... I think he ought to do something.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] But there's always somebody wanting him you know, at that shop. They always seem to... erm
[Gordon:] ?
[Audrey:] Yes. No Gordon, they're in the side cupboard there.
[Gordon:] Oh. That'll do.
[Audrey:] In the side cupboard love.
[Gordon:] Yeah. Yeah.
[speaker004:] He doesn't get a lot of peace. There's always somebody
[Audrey:] I'm sure.
[speaker004:] either on the phone or in the shop, you know.
[Audrey:] Mm mm. I know it's er... oh I know, I think he works very hard indeed, he just sort of
[speaker004:] He does.
[Audrey:] worries me... that... he really can't carry on like that.
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] And I don't know er, what the solution
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] is.
[speaker004:] Well, it'll perhaps improve when he doesn't have so far to go won't it
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[speaker004:] you know? Er
[Audrey:] That'll help a great deal.
[speaker004:] I think, I don't know if, I'm finding it quite difficult at the moment because he, he's sort of neither one thing nor the other and we're out a lot sort of
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] doing things er and then we're both going home and, I don't know, it is awkward int it?
[Audrey:] It is.
[speaker004:] It's quite stressful [LAUGHTER] really [].
[Audrey:] I'm sure it is Rosie. Have you got your hu your honeymoon booked up though now? That's go I'm glad about that.
[speaker004:] Yeah. I've been getting er... quite worried about that.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] We did it last week. You know, I was
[Audrey:] Good.
[speaker004:] off last week?
[Audrey:] Ya.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Mhm.
[speaker004:] Never stopped last week.
[Audrey:] And did you get everything sort of organized?
[speaker004:] Well, I got a lot done, yes, and al between us we did, you know.
[Audrey:] Good. Good.
[speaker004:] Erm... got a lot of er, we've got three lots of wallpaper now.
[Audrey:] Mhm.
[speaker004:] You know we picked another discontinued one.
[Audrey:] I know. I couldn't believe it when he told us!
[speaker004:] For the lounge, yeah. But th it's actually there now. For the
[Audrey:] Good.
[speaker004:] bedroom and the hall and the lounge, the paper's there, so that's something.
[Audrey:] And has he moved the er cylinder yet er... I, have they started any work?
[speaker004:] No, well let, let no we haven't given him the go ahead yet. Erm, we're waiting for the joiner's estimate tonight.
[Audrey:] I see. Mhm.
[speaker004:] But er... [LAUGHTER] a thing my dad pointed out [], and I'd never thought, will the cylinder go through the trap? Cos it's a big cylinder you see.
[Audrey:] Oh yes!
[speaker004:] And Carl sa I was speaking to Carl today and he said, well surely, you know the three of them have weighed that up? I said, well I don't know. But anyway, he's going to ask the, the plumber that we're going to have do it, we're gonna
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] ask him tonight.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] Erm... but it is a big cylinder.
[Audrey:] Oh! Never I never thought about that.
[speaker004:] it won't, you know if it won't cos we'd have to have a new one then wouldn't we?
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] What do you do?
[Audrey:] Oh dear.
[speaker004:] Mm.... Honestly this bathroom's had so much thought over it.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Oh!
[Audrey:] I know.
[speaker004:] Oh my
[Audrey:] But if you don't have it done now Rosie
[speaker004:] We won't.
[Audrey:] you won't ha you won't do
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] it and then you'll be er, you'll be dissatisfied with it... really. Gordon!
[Gordon:] Hello.
[Audrey:] Don't just brew the tea just for a moment love, I've got the pudding to put out.
[Gordon:] I know, I'm waiting cos you've got the pudding to put out.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] I see. Oh well.
[Audrey:] It's been a bit of hectic day, but
[speaker004:] Well it sounds like
[Audrey:] but you know
[speaker004:] it, yeah.
[Audrey:] with having Edward here erm, Elaine was... we I don't know whether you know about Wella in, in town. It's erm... er Wella products
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] well they have erm... people from salons come in to try the products out in the... if you go and
[speaker004:] Oh yeah.
[Audrey:] have your, you can have your hair permed for six pound.
[speaker004:] Can you? Mm.
[Audrey:] So she went and... they've made a lovely job of it!
[speaker004:] I thought you were gonna say they've made [LAUGHTER] a mess [].
[Audrey:] Oh no,i int it, isn't it lovely Gordon?
[speaker004:] Is it? Mm mm.
[Audrey:] You know, and erm
[speaker004:] Oh I bet it looks good.
[Audrey:] So she's very pleased.
[speaker004:] She's got er, good hair hasn't she?
[Audrey:] Mm mm mm. Mm.
[speaker004:] Mm. Very good. Oh so you've been
[Audrey:] So it
[speaker004:] looking after Edward while she's there?
[Audrey:] oh since erm... sort of erm...
[Gordon:] About one o'clock.
[Audrey:] we well before one, she was here before one cos she had her lunch here.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And she's just this minute gone.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] No, so
[speaker004:] You'll be fed up then [LAUGHTER] having me at home [].
[Audrey:] He was a full-time job, he really is. Int he Gordon?
[Gordon:] Oh yeah. A full-time job.
[speaker004:] I bet he is. [LAUGHTER]... He's a proper little boy now isn't he?
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Gordon:] Yeah. Talks a lot.
[Audrey:] Well he talks talks a lot now.
[speaker004:] Does he? Mm.
[Audrey:] Mm. Yes.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Mm mm [].
[Audrey:] I mean, everything you say now he more or less er, repeats.
[speaker004:] Mm. And how's Elaine? Is she keeping well?
[Audrey:] Yes she's me she's better now than what she was er, Rosie thanks. I think that sickly feeling
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] has gone.
[speaker004:] Oh good.
[Audrey:] I think it's just a problem what she's going to wear for your
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] wedding.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Gordon:] I think you'd better mention something to Rosie love about that er
[Audrey:] Oh... oh yes Rosie
[Gordon:] an apology about that letter.
[Audrey:] we have been most upset Gordon and I about
[speaker004:] Oh.
[Audrey:] this letter you received off my sister.
[speaker004:] Oh! That's alright. Doesn't matter
[Audrey:] It's because we're at loggerheads, Rosie.
[speaker004:] Well I gathered there was some problem.
[Audrey:] Eh er i no I really don't know what I've done. I erm
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] I phoned her... er whe whe when was it Gordon? Ma in the middle of last year wasn't it? I didn't
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] receive, not this Christmas, but the Christmas before Rosie, I didn't receive a Christmas card from her
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] which is most unusual
[speaker004:] Mm mm.
[Audrey:] and I erm, my brother didn't... and we said well there must be something wrong.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] So I left it for a while, and I thought I will phone her and find out. And when I got through I knew immediately by the tone of her voice that she was, there was something wrong. So I said, I asked her what was the matter and she said well I feel as though er, that you've er, you and Arthur have ignored me. I said but we haven't! You know, and er, she said well I feel as though you have. And she was going on! So I said oh well, I said er... if you we really want to get the nitty-gritties I said you know we didn't receive a Christmas card from you I said but we sent them to you. So she said er, no I know you didn't she said because I didn't send you one. So I said, oh I said, well, you know if that's how you feel I said, but I will tell you I said I'm now a grandma and I said and er... Carl is getting married to Rosie.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] And, so she said oh, right. And I knew that was the end of the conversation.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Oh []!
[Audrey:] So, I, I thought well we will send her a card then she's got er, and invitation
[speaker004:] Oh yeah.
[Audrey:] so then she's not going to, she's not got anything to moan about.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] But I thought the reply was abs I thought it was utterly disgraceful! And she's done it to spite me Rosie. And I apologize.
[speaker004:] I didn't, I didn't take a lot of notice really. I mean what er, what she put was that o okay wasn't it?
[Audrey:] I know, but the paper Rosie! And no address
[Gordon:] Just a
[Audrey:] on it!
[Gordon:] notepad with all holes in the top.
[speaker004:] Well never mind. Never mind.
[Audrey:] But I, I really do apologize about it but she has done it erm
[speaker004:] Well it's not, not your fault is it, you know?
[Audrey:] I feel, to sa to spite me.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Ooh! I was most upset when I saw it.
[speaker004:] Yes. Well never mind anyway. It doesn't matter at all. But Carl had said there was some problems there
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] or something. Erm
[Audrey:] She's... she's most
[Gordon:] But
[Audrey:] peculiar.
[speaker004:] Is she younger or older?
[Audrey:] Oh no she's older.
[speaker004:] Oh.
[Audrey:] She's the eldest of the family.
[speaker004:] Perhaps
[Audrey:] And
[speaker004:] perhaps sh... shouldn't suggest these things, but perhaps she's going a bit off it or something.
[Audrey:] I don't know, really. Erm... you see when my other sister died, Ada, I mean, Arthur and I, we did all the organization didn't we Gordon?
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] I mean, and we were going down every day to see her when she was
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] poorly. Now she came at the bitter end and she never did anything.
[speaker004:] No.
[Audrey:] You know, and then she starts moaning!
[speaker004:] Mm. This is the trouble with families int it? You get, you get
[Audrey:] I'm afraid it is.
[speaker004:] all these things and
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] yeah, I don't know. It's very difficult sometimes.... My mum er, doesn't know, in fact he's not replied yet, Uncle Stan he's her... youngest brother
[Audrey:] Mhm.
[speaker004:] and he's a lovely person, he's full of fun and everything... but... he, he's one of these he always says he's coming and never comes.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] So, they live near Hull. And erm... er, when Aunt, Aunty May, you know, is blind, my mum's sister
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[speaker004:] and he's always saying, he's going to see her and he never does. And er... he just, he said he was coming to erm... my Uncle Les' funeral but he never turned up.
[Audrey:] No.
[speaker004:] And, so I'll be very surprised if he comes.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] But, there's nothing wrong there between us, but
[Audrey:] No.
[speaker004:] he's just like
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] that you see.
[Audrey:] Well you see [clears throat] erm... I mean when, when Gordon and I got married... er, my sister's husband didn't come to the wedding until later on did he Gordon? Because
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] he was, he wouldn't give up his Saturday work... you see.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Oh []!
[Audrey:] He's er most peculiar. Now when Elaine
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] got married
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] then they never let me know, and as you know, er it, it costs money to sort of er, put a meal on
[speaker004:] Course it does.
[Audrey:] erm... Irene turned up on her own! And I said well where's Harold? She said oh he's got a cold. And that was the end of it wasn't it?
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] So it's, he doesn't like going to these dos, I'm sure of it, you know.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] But nevertheless, erm... oh I don't know. Families!
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] You can choose your friends but not your family Rosie.
[speaker004:] Oh I know. Mm mm.
[Audrey:] So I hope your mother and father don't think we're all like that er, Rosie.
[speaker004:] Oh no! The they never said a word about it, at all. And, and we just said er
[Audrey:] I just think it's
[speaker004:] they weren't coming and that was it.
[Audrey:] just think it's heights of bad manners what she's done!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... Well at least she replied. I mean she could have done... nothing
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[speaker004:] like that and
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[speaker004:] I mean, you know she could have not bothered after all.
[Audrey:] Is Carl coming straight home tonight do you know Rosie?
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Oh.
[speaker004:] Yeah. He's
[Audrey:] Good.
[speaker004:] taking me and dropping me off
[Audrey:] Oh is he?
[speaker004:] at the theatre, yeah. Mm.
[Audrey:] Right. What are you going to see?
[speaker004:] Les Miserables.
[Audrey:] Oh I, do you know Ire I, d'ya know Rosie I don't fancy that.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Well I don't really, but []
[Audrey:] Erm, because er re er my friend Amy asked me if I wanted to go, she's er, the secretary of a, a club and they
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] er, they do block bookings
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] and I said I really don't fancy it. I don't know why, but... David has been to see it several times he thought it was really good.
[Gordon:] Is the one that's pronounced like Les Miserables,Le Les Miserables?
[Audrey:] Yes, that's right.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] It's
[Gordon:] Les
[Audrey:] about the revolution.
[Gordon:] Miserables.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Yes [].
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] Something like that is it?
[Audrey:] I think that's what puts me off is the title. But I believe
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] that... I believe the beginning, I was reading a letter in the paper and this person had been to see it
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] and they said the beginning she's, she's sat there and she said oh wha what have I come to this for? But she said
[speaker004:] Oh dear!
[Audrey:] once it got going
[speaker004:] Oh! Right.
[Audrey:] she said it was absolutely marvellous.
[speaker004:] Oh right. But I've heard good reports
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[speaker004:] so far but... it, this is a, it's a school booking, it's Lorraine's children
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] and er... it was booked before Christmas
[Audrey:] Was it really? Yeah.
[speaker004:] I forgot.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Good lor!
[speaker004:] I, I'd... booked in at my health er club tonight.
[Audrey:] Oh!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Audrey:] Oh dear Rosie!
[speaker004:] And er, I think it only struck me on Saturday and I tho I too I was in the car... car with Carl and... [LAUGHTER] oh no!
[Audrey:] Oh dear!
[speaker004:] And he says what's the matter now? I mean, oh God []!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER] Don't give me any more problems []!
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Oh dear!... [sighing] Right [].
[speaker004:] [talking from other room] We went to er on Friday, did Carl tell you?
[Audrey:] No.
[speaker004:] At Goosetree, er where Sue lives.
[Audrey:] No.
[speaker004:] Geoff is erm... oh he's raising money for a playing, a field for the children
[Audrey:] Aha.
[speaker004:] in the village there.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] And he'd organized this erm professional theatre company it was, to come
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] and erm... it was Blood Brothers.
[Audrey:] Oh I, d'ya know I really fancy that!
[speaker004:] Ooh it's good isn't it?
[Audrey:] I believe so.
[speaker004:] Really good! Yeah.
[Audrey:] Yes. Yes.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Only five of them but they were brilliant! And
[Audrey:] Yes.
[speaker004:] er... it was sold out, you know, and everybody, and people had been ringing up thanking them and everything.
[Audrey:] Oh that's lovely isn't it?
[speaker004:] Well, well, we both really enjoyed it, you
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] know.
[Audrey:] Good.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] I know Amy went to see it when it was at the Palace, I'm talking about a few years ago,
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] and erm, and she said oh i you know, I would have said it was really good! I don't know why I didn't go that time.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] But, I really fancy that.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Oh I'm glad you went, I'm glad it was a success bec and the surname of Karen.
[Gordon:] Did they
[Audrey:] They er
[Gordon:] write that last night?
[Audrey:] they brought the letter. Well it was wri it was written down there, you know, but er... he didn't take it with him. So er... he's posting the letter now. So she should get it tomorrow... and er, everything should be alright.... Are you going ou are you going with Kevin tonight?
[Gordon:] I said I'd phone me up.
[Audrey:] Right.
[Gordon:] Wait a and see what he does.
[Audrey:] Well I'd forgotten that you were going out and I ma I was going to make a chilli.... What do you think?
[Gordon:] I don't know.... Well you can make it a be bit of extra one can't you? Always eat it up if I don't go.
[Audrey:] I wi oh yes. No, I was thinking that if you were going... you wouldn't want to eat it.
[Gordon:] Not really, no.
[Audrey:] I could do you an omelette though couldn't I?
[Gordon:] I'm not that bothered, I, I'll wait and see how we, he might phone up and say cancel it, you know, cos... Elaine's got headache or summat, you never know.
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] Do you?
[Audrey:] No, no.
[Gordon:] I mean I never... I never bank on anything like that until... the ha the moment practically.
[Audrey:] No.... What was it like this morning, the... traffic?
[Gordon:] Not, oh it was bad, it were... it were, well, well stood up all traffic certainly. But er, you know where the road branched and
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Talbot Road... and so on. Bad up to there.
[Audrey:] Cos you were just a few minutes later this morning.
[Gordon:] No! I was a er I was on the... it was er, before eight before I... it was only two minutes to eight when I was er... down the road at the
[Audrey:] Was it?
[Gordon:] lights.
[Audrey:] Oh! Perhaps it was with the weather being so bad.
[Gordon:] Well I were there at twenty five to.... So I mean, and er, it's not that bad is it?
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] Twenty to anyway, gone twenty to when I was at, it took forty minutes.
[Audrey:] I think it's going to be nice for this weekend. It says the erm, this low is go is moving away and a high's coming in so it might be nice for this weekend. Just go to the van.
[Gordon:] Good.
[Audrey:] I hope so anyhow. We'd like to get away. Wouldn't you?
[Gordon:] Yeah. Could have just done with tomorrow in. That would have been... a day tomorrow.
[Audrey:] Well
[Gordon:] Well if I'd have got to see him he might have said something, but I don't like going and saying do you want me again now or owt you know?
[Audrey:] Ah no, I think if he wanted you he would have come to you, don't you?
[Gordon:] Mhm.... See the e the headmaster's wife see... another fella to... early retirement last year and they've let him go back on supply.
[Audrey:] Ah!
[Gordon:] And so he's there quite a lot. And another fella come in... one suj one subject and he's been there... most of time, you know.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] There were like three hanging about.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Three extra. And there's only seven off today.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] Cos there's thirteen last week.
[Audrey:] Yeah. So they could cope really.
[Gordon:] Aye. You know, I'll see, still, not much chance of that now.
[Audrey:] Was talking Tommy there?
[Gordon:] No he wasn't called in today. Two talking Tommys, neither of them were there.
[Audrey:] Oh. What about Frank? No?
[Gordon:] No he wasn't there either.
[Audrey:] Oh! So you were lucky to be in today really wasn't you?
[Gordon:] Oh yes. It was er
[Audrey:] Well it all helps.... Fancy
[Gordon:] Get a few more days after Easter I'll be alright.
[Audrey:] Well perhaps you will Gordon.
[Gordon:] So I might get a phone call from somewhere, you know. Cos he said there'd be something else. He said
[Audrey:] Yes. Mind you, he phoned you late last time. It was about seven o'clock weren't it?
[Gordon:] Oh I know, yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] I keep thinking it's Monday today.
[Gordon:] Yes I do, but with being back first day.
[Audrey:] Mm. Mm.
[Gordon:] Aye. I thought we, we'd go down to Ken's on Thursday.
[Audrey:] Fine. [cough]
[Gordon:] [belch] But I'm wondering how to go on it being election day.
[Audrey:] Oh yes! [cough] Well what, [cough], what difference
[Gordon:] Don't make a diff
[Audrey:] would ma that make?
[Gordon:] Don't make any difference
[Audrey:] I mean
[Gordon:] to you.
[Audrey:] we'd be... we'd go and vote
[Gordon:] But if Ken wanted to sit in and watching the... good results coming in
[Audrey:] Well no, the results won't be in till the night Gordon. The er, the polling stations don't close till nine o'clock.
[Gordon:] No. No. But, you know, they talk about it all day don't they?
[Audrey:] Well I'm sure he doesn't want to... to do that.
[Gordon:] Well what I'll do I'll give him a call tomorrow night about eight o'clock.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Cos I don't wanna phone... tonight
[Audrey:] No cos he might say tomorrow.
[Gordon:] cos they'll be,whe ah well they might, you know you never know if you get a phone call from a school do you?
[Audrey:] No, that's right.
[Gordon:] If I, if I don't get one tonight... the only chance is early in the morning.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] If er nowt comes here in the morning well I can phone him tomorrow night.
[Audrey:] Fancy that ba fancy that insurance, did you, was it a receipt you wanted back?
[Gordon:] No I, I, I, I wrote, well they haven't given us any bloody receipts that bloody firm! But, they should do. And er... I sent out a letter asking for erm... contents insurance
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] and I listed all the items
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] and they come to... twelve hundred or a thousand quid, or twelve hund twelve hundred I think. The telly and... our microwave you know, and I wanted, well I wanted a price for the cont insuring of them.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] And they, the company wrote back and said it's so much a policy and looks reasonable and I sent them a bloody cheque you see
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] and I'm covered. Well it
[Audrey:] So those things are not covered yet?
[Gordon:] No, well not really are they? Because it, it, it only covers the bloody van!
[Audrey:] Oh heck! I know that.
[Gordon:] Because on the form it's got if anything else you need to, just pho pho contact us.
[Audrey:] I'd write them a snotty letter if I was you!
[Gordon:] Well how much does it cost to phone up?
[Audrey:] I don't know.
[Gordon:] Bloody Aberdeen!
[Audrey:] Well and yo we I don't know really Gordon.
[Gordon:] Yeah but just phone up and just be on for more, more than a minute, you know, wouldn't be so bad but... you start hanging about.
[Audrey:] Well just say that to her, it's a long distance and er, will you, will you call me back on this number?
[Gordon:] Yeah. I could do.
[Audrey:] Well I mean er, a bit er, I'm a bit concerned now that they're er er, they're not covered with the insurance.
[Gordon:] Well I am as well.... You see people sa some people say oh well your ou your house contents covers it
[Audrey:] But does it?
[Gordon:] but I, I can't see it be I can't see it doing that.
[Audrey:] Did I say that?
[Gordon:] I've heard it from various sources, but I don't think it's true.
[Audrey:] Oh I don't
[Gordon:] I think they're a right bloody problem!
[Audrey:] Oh I, I had er
[Gordon:] I mean if it's twenty quid a year or summat like that... I'll pay it you know. I'm not paying a bloody... hell of a lot!
[Audrey:] Oh no. Well, I mean, there's a, not a lot in the van really is there? I mean it's er
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] it's mostly the telly and the microwave.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And the bedding.
[Gordon:] I know.
[Audrey:] I mean e ne and really and, it's only like two sleeping bags and a duvet isn't it?
[Gordon:] Yeah. I put twelve hundred quid's worth down because when you tot it all up
[Audrey:] And your cutlery and so
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] forth.
[Gordon:] Cutlery and
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] all your pans and your ba
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] and your, and your
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] vacuum cleaner.
[Audrey:] Oh yes, I've forgotten about that.
[Gordon:] And your lawn strimmer and your garden furniture.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yes. Yes.
[Gordon:] You know, you've got quite
[Audrey:] It soon mounts up.
[Gordon:] you've got quite, it does.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] It mounts up to over a thousand quid.
[Audrey:] Yeah. Yes it does. Yes I'd forgotten about all that.
[Gordon:] And the radio.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Ornaments.
[Audrey:] Glasses.
[Gordon:] Glasses.
[Audrey:] Drink.
[Gordon:] Drink.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] It's quite an item.
[Audrey:] Yes it is. And the food that you leave there.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] You know er... tinned food and so... yes it does mount up, you're quite right.
[Gordon:] You know, cost to replace vac, hundred quid!
[Audrey:] Oh I know. Oh I know it does. Yeah.
[Gordon:] Two fifty for a telly, a hundred for a, a, a hundred at least for a microwave. A hundred and fifty now.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] There's five hundred.
[Audrey:] And then your radio.
[Gordon:] And that's three items.
[Audrey:] Yes. Then your radio and then you've got your
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] lawnmower.
[Gordon:] Your lawnmower. That's right.
[Audrey:] Yeah. And your
[Gordon:] Another se
[Audrey:] garden furniture.
[Gordon:] another seventy five.
[Audrey:] Mm. Yes. Yes it does soon mount up. Yeah.
[Gordon:] And how much are blankets now?
[Audrey:] Ooh God! Yes. They're quite
[Gordon:] You know.
[Audrey:] expensive. And duvets.... And it's hundred pound for a duvet.
[Gordon:] I think twelve
[Audrey:] You know.
[Gordon:] hundred quid's putting it on the light side. You've
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] gotta replace everything new.
[Audrey:] They have got a liberty though not writing back! But it certainly is been, I've written it on the back of the, the cheque stub when it was cashed because she, she
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] looked it up on the er, on the computer for me.
[Gordon:] I'll write a letter instead I think.
[Audrey:] Ya.... She's brought erm, Ida's brought the wedding present over.
[Gordon:] Has she?
[Audrey:] She said we're very pleased she said to er receive the invitation. So I said, well we would have liked you to come to the full... erm... onty I said, but, unfortunately we were in a... a very awkward position. She said oh we didn't expect to come to the evening do. You know... so I said oh well... I'm pleased that you can.... So then she was asking me... you know, what I'd bought. So I ha I felt obliged to show her... you know.
[Gordon:] She liked the dress did she?
[Audrey:] Oh yes, she thought it was lovely. Mm.... So
[Gordon:] [whistling]
[Audrey:] Just avoided the heavy rain.
[Gordon:] Mm. Dear oh innit?
[Audrey:] God! It's been terrible! Re you know, when we first got up it was glorious.
[Gordon:] I know. I thought this is, I thought fancy going to work on a nice day like
[Audrey:] I know.
[Gordon:] this.
[Audrey:] I thought ooh, I'll get something done in the garden today.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And blow me! It started to rain
[Gordon:] It started what
[Audrey:] and never stopped.
[Gordon:] what time? About eleven o'clock this morning?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] But not before dinner.
[Audrey:] Oh! It was long before dinner. It was about ten o'clock, ten o'clock to half past round here
[Gordon:] Was it?
[Audrey:] when it started.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And then it eased up a bit at dinner time and then it started again... about two o'clock. And I'd just got in at about... oh... half three. Ooh! And it, the heavens opened.... Well that, I couldn't believe it when it fell over this morning.
[Gordon:] I know.
[Audrey:] It just went at... like slow [LAUGHTER] motion [].
[Gordon:] Lying on the table it was.
[Audrey:] Fortunately on the table and the cov that cover was on.
[Gordon:] It didn't break the tops.
[Audrey:] I know. Mm. It's top heavy.
[Gordon:] Mm. It's with
[Audrey:] I put
[Gordon:] it going over you see.
[Audrey:] Mm. See and it hasn't got a balance at the back, you see, the leaves are not big enough at the back.
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] Where if they would have grown bigger the erm, it would have balanced it.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Anyhow... it's alright now. And I put extra... compost in and, but it's erm... I know, it's still very er... dodgy. I think perhaps when they open up fully, the flowers, it'll er... perhaps balance a bit better.
[Gordon:] [sigh] Yeah.
[Audrey:] [yawning] Oh dear [].
[Gordon:] What do you think?
[Audrey:] Please yourself.
[Gordon:] Well...
[Audrey:] Or eat some of it... otherwise you'll get an air lock... won't you? I mean there's another hour.
[Gordon:] Two hours innit?
[Audrey:] What time did he say?
[Gordon:] Half seven, it's half five.
[Audrey:] Oh it's half five. Yes of course it's two hours. Oh e eat, eat that Gordon.
[Gordon:] Will curry do me any harm after this?
[Audrey:] Will it bums!... Don't have to eat it all... if you don't want.
[Gordon:] picking me at half past seven tonight love.
[Audrey:] Oh yeah. Yes.
[Gordon:] And then we'll go for a drink first and then we'll go to the Indian restaurant.
[Audrey:] Right. Our Carl wanted to know what, why you were going?
[Gordon:] Did he?
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] What did he say?
[Audrey:] He said oh, he said, what are they celebrating? I said nothing!
[Gordon:] Well he said well it seems funny they're going out doesn't it?
[Audrey:] Well I said, well as far as I know, I said nothing, they're not celebrating anything.
[Gordon:] Should have said to him, you never take dad out for a curry so Kevin's going.
[Audrey:] Tt. Oh Gordon! He has taken you out.
[Gordon:] Yeah, about... four years ago?
[Audrey:] You're... very ungrateful!
[Gordon:] Well he's taken us out when they've been to bloody shop working and come back and wa I admitted that, but I mean just to go out for an evening. I mean, he never says to me go and have a, do you wanna go for a pint or... wanna go for a curry or owt... does he?
[Audrey:] No. Well we don't see him much now do we?
[Gordon:] Well, I'm not, I'm not bothered about it. It doesn't worry me. Well... who wants to go out with a doddery old bugger like me anyway!
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]
[Gordon:] Surprised Kevin wants to, surprised Kevin wants to go.
[Audrey:] Well it's
[Gordon:] Could go on to the rugby and go with them couldn't he?
[Audrey:] Well
[Gordon:] Eh?
[Audrey:] yeah.
[Gordon:] Instead of a doddering old bugger like who's miserable!
[Audrey:] Well... well he hasn't got a father so he regards you doesn't he? If you wanna take it that way. [radio on]
[Gordon:] If... if Labour say get in
[Audrey:] [whispering] []
[Gordon:] if Labour get in and they can't fulfil their promises
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] like John Smith's made promises then that... Conservatives haven't done this, that and the other, he must be able to do them now mustn't he?
[Audrey:] Who must?
[Gordon:] John Smith.
[Audrey:] Well erm, they, they don't know whether they can do it or not do they?
[Gordon:] No, but he's criticizing the Conservative policies and all that, and what we will do is this.
[Audrey:] [whispering] []
[Gordon:] I know... for investment
[Audrey:] Yes but they all say that
[Gordon:] industry
[Audrey:] don't they until they get into power?
[Gordon:] I know.
[Audrey:] And the and then... they all
[Gordon:] They do. Back down.
[Audrey:] They do.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] They'll say they, they probably haven't got the finances to back up what they... what they said they would do.
[Gordon:] Yeah but a lo a lot of quotes gonna be made to them after aren't there? You know, like you said this and you haven't done it, you said that and you haven't done it and all that sort of.
[Audrey:] Yes but once they're in power there's nothing you
[Gordon:] Well
[Audrey:] can do about it.
[Gordon:] oh admittedly no. No. But they must feel a bit stupid to er
[Audrey:] Well I can't... well I mean there's an awful lot, I mean... would, no, no matter which political party... it is, they all make promises, but they don't carry them all out.
[Gordon:] No. Course not. But I mean these are, these are major things. Getting the economy right. Now John Smith
[Audrey:] But er... well John may have
[Gordon:] we'll get the economy right. Now if he doesn't get the economy right he's gonna end up with egg on his face and
[Audrey:] Of course he is. But you tell me how... just how is he going to do it? I mean, ee, they don't explain to you how they're going to do it do they?
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] They, they just come out wi a er
[Gordon:] With statements.
[Audrey:] glibly with these, these statements.
[Gordon:] Mm. Mm.
[Audrey:] I'm sure that e e if there is an easy way of doing it the Conservatives would have found out... and done it. I don't think there's any... any easy way. I don't see how they're going to do it.
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] I really don't.... I mean where are they going, where are they going to get the extra money from... er to pay for the old aged pensioners' er... eight pound rise?
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Or so they say, we'll get eight pound. Somebody's got to pay for it. So it'll be the working people, er, probably the... the national er, health stamp'll have to go, go up.... It'll be a sorry day if they get in.... It will Gordon. [LAUGHTER]... Oh! I don't know. You're a real turncoat you are.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] Aren't you?
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] I was listening today to erm... a man on the radio and he was only thirty four and he had a stroke... and they were saying... he, they er, they were asking him, they said well how did it happen? They said, did you have any warning? And he said no. None at all he said. I was gardening... and he said er er... I bent over to do something and he said I just went dizzy, he said, and I fell over... he said and then I realized my right side was paralysed. And he said I was completely confused and... I couldn't, he said I was trying to shout... my wife... and erm... and, er, you know my mouth wouldn't work, he said, but she said fortunately she looked through the window and er found him and they took him to hospital. And they were saying, they were saying that, you know, you associate strokes with older people, but there's... a hundred young people a week... have strokes!
[Gordon:] Tt.
[Audrey:] Aye. And he said erm... like it's... the clots to your brains that erm... that cause it, you know. They said, well did you have any warning about it? And he said er, no, he said I didn't think I had he said, but now, he said I realized that how I, was forgetting er... I'd be talking and I'd forget sort of... what I was just talking about that split second.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] And now the stroke has affected him that way. He can be talking, say about a... well, you know, about any er, about sa say a, a video recorder or something like that
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] and for a minute he can forget that he's talking about it.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] You know, but erm... he sa he's recovered reasonably well in the same, you know, but
[Gordon:] Got his use
[Audrey:] very
[Gordon:] back?
[Audrey:] er, partly back. Partly back. Not fully. You know. Thirty four!
[Gordon:] I know!
[Audrey:] I mean you just don't... you don't imagine that do you really?
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] It's terrible! But a hundred young people a week! I mean, I, I couldn't believe it when they were saying that.
[Gordon:] That's terrible!
[Audrey:] It is.... It's an awful thing.
[Gordon:] See I've never, I've never across anyone that like know you.
[Audrey:] What do you mean?
[Gordon:] Well I've known anyone to be five years and no use whatsoever.
[Audrey:] Ah well, and Aun I mean Aunty Lilly was like that Gordon. She never got her use back and she never spoke again.
[Gordon:] Yeah but she didn't, well she didn't live long after her stroke did she?
[Audrey:] Oh she did, you know. Er, not as
[Gordon:] Mind, she was in bed all the time.
[Audrey:] Oh she was in bed all the time. Yes.
[Gordon:] How long did she live after the stroke? Only months weren't it?
[Audrey:] Oh no! Oh no! It wasn't months Gordon. No. I mean she was in Park Hospital for so long and then she was transferred to a nursing home in Thornton. Er do yo don't you remember us ta taking Iris and Ian down... to see her?
[Gordon:] I didn't see her did I?
[Audrey:] No we didn't go in, but Iris and Ian did.
[Gordon:] Did he?
[Audrey:] Yes. Well I, I, we, I, I drove them there. You was with me.
[Gordon:] Yeah?
[Audrey:] Yes! Well I reckon she lived er a couple of years after the stroke Gordon. I mean, and she was in a terrible, I mean she couldn't even speak!
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] I mean, er erm... and I went to see her in Park Hospital and she was very frustrat very frustrated because she couldn't speak. No.
[Gordon:] What was she doing in Park Hospital?
[Audrey:] She took ill at Aunty Edith's.
[Gordon:] Well was it Edith's?
[Audrey:] Yeah. I th I think they'd been on holiday and, she took ill on the holiday... and, and came erm, she was stopping at erm, Edith's and er... it happened then.
[Gordon:] Well, you know, I can't recall any of this.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Did we, we go to Edith's to see her then did we not?
[Audrey:] No, but I went to Park Hospital to see her. Because Edith... now Edith was going away for some unknown reason, I don't know, she must have been going on another holiday anyhow. No, she was in Park Hospital a long time. That was it, because... Edith was going on another holiday and she was er, she wanted someone to go and visit... er Lilly, and I said well I'll go. And I, I, it was when I had my own car and I drove there. And I wanted to see her. She was very, very frustrated cos she couldn't speak.
[Gordon:] Mm!
[Audrey:] And she couldn't write anything down.... I don't think you saw her actually.
[Gordon:] I don't think I did. I never recall seeing her when she was ill. Never.
[Audrey:] No. No.
[Gordon:] Well you must have been going during the day while I was at work then.
[Audrey:] No, it was night time I went, cos I was working.
[Gordon:] Well why in the bloody hell I didn't go then? Why didn't I go with you?
[Audrey:] I don't know.
[Gordon:] Was it night school or something like that, or what? I don't know.
[Audrey:] I think you we d'ya know I think you were at night school Gordon when I think about it. I think you were teaching at night school.
[Gordon:] It must have been something I was doing.
[Audrey:] No! I know why Gordon. Because the ba the children were small. Yo one of us had to stay in.
[Gordon:] Oh yes. Aye, that's right. Of course, yes.
[Audrey:] You know, I mean, they were only small.
[Gordon:] Aye, that's right.... Did we live in Ashton Lane then?
[Audrey:] Erm... no, we were here.
[Gordon:] Were we?
[Audrey:] Yes.... Well I didn't have my own car in Ashton Lane.
[Gordon:] No you didn't. That's right.
[Audrey:] So we was here.
[Gordon:] Well, about nineteen seventy then, seventy one. No you got your licence in erm... was it, it were early in the year when you passed your test?
[Audrey:] Yes I think it was.
[Gordon:] Well it were seventy one.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] Cos didn't you phone me at Lillycups to tell me?
[Audrey:] Yes I think I did. Yes. Yes.
[Gordon:] Well I was only at Lillycups from August seventy till August seventy one.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Only a year. And if you phoned me early in the year it must have been... just after we got the V W.
[Audrey:] Yes. I think it was.
[Gordon:] [clears throat] Just a... couple
[Audrey:] So
[Gordon:] of months after we got that [clears throat]
[Audrey:] I think it was because er th cos we'd got Iris' er... er Triumph didn't we?
[Gordon:] That's right.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Soon after that.
[Audrey:] Yes. I think we did Gordon.
[Gordon:] And you were driving that about.
[Audrey:] That's right. That's right. Well Carl hadn't passed
[Gordon:] And you went, you went in that Triumph did you to the
[Audrey:] I did. Yes.
[Gordon:] Well it's ser te it was later than seventy one you see.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] And you had that car about two years didn't you?
[Audrey:] Oh yes. Perhaps a bit longer.
[Gordon:] Two years? Yeah.
[Audrey:] Because I came, I came to er... Dellasel
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] when Carl passed his er, to M G S.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Do you remember?
[Gordon:] [yawning] Yeah []. Blimey! Do you mean, must be about twenty years ago then?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Yeah about twenty.... This is why you know, I, I think you should keep di I keep diaries from years ago because... I know you don't like nostalgia, and I don't, but it's interesting
[Audrey:] Mm mm.
[Gordon:] to look up.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Er, events.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] I mean I've got no diaries dating back that long.
[Audrey:] No, I know. Well I haven't.
[Gordon:] I have no record of anything
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] happening then.
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] But just one line of things that... you know, I don't mean a diary where you write a page every night, but just two lines... you know.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] All, and what you did and... when I got the car, the date and... when you got that Triumph then.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] You know, little, just a line. And then when you look at it er ca you can recall then
[Audrey:] Oh yes.
[Gordon:] other things.
[Audrey:] That's right. The one line sort of sets it all off, you can remember.
[Gordon:] That's right. Yeah.
[Audrey:] Mm. Yes but I remember, I can remember Edith phoning me and, and saying, you know she was going away, you know is, you know could I go down? And I said yes.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] I, cos I remember coming, coming back, I got lost. You know where er... that circle is where there's the shops, well instead of taking... I know, instead of taking one road I took another and I got completely lost!
[Gordon:] Mm. Mm.
[Audrey:] I wouldn't now, but then I, I, I didn't know er round that area.
[Gordon:] No that's right really, I mean if you don't know the area you don't know which road to take on the islands.
[Audrey:] I know.... But I mean, you wouldn't have thought that Ed er Lilly, I mean, she had no weight on her or anything like
[Gordon:] No.
[Audrey:] that did she?
[Gordon:] No. She's always been active all her life.
[Audrey:] All, been active all her life.... No, you can't understand how these things happen.
[Gordon:] Well they give you all these bloody tips and papers about what to do, to avoid this and avoid that.
[Audrey:] And what to eat and everything but
[Gordon:] This bloody footballer, I mean it's a
[Audrey:] I know!
[Gordon:] a really fit man.
[Audrey:] I know.
[Gordon:] He's, er, one artery was seventy percent blocked, it was in the paper.
[Audrey:] Yeah.
[Gordon:] And the other artery was ninety percent blocked.
[Audrey:] Was it really?
[Gordon:] Yeah! Yeah!
[Audrey:] Good God!
[Gordon:] I mean, he could have gone an any time.
[Audrey:] Graham Sounness, I mean he's only thirty eight!
[Gordon:] Could have gone any time with... with nothing through his bloody arteries!
[Audrey:] Good God! But that's incred I didn't know it was that bad.
[Gordon:] It was in the paper this morning. And er
[Audrey:] Goodness me!
[Gordon:] Well he's a, he, he didn't smoke.
[Audrey:] No. He was an athlete.
[Gordon:] He's been an athlete. He obviously ate like everybody else.
[Audrey:] Mm. And he
[Gordon:] I mean
[Audrey:] wasn't overweight in any way.
[Gordon:] Wasn't overweight, what more
[Audrey:] No.
[Gordon:] the bloody hell do you have to do!
[Audrey:] That's incredible that!
[Gordon:] See they say it was a ma it's hereditary.
[Audrey:] Well
[Gordon:] Cos his father had a bypass didn't he?
[Audrey:] Oh did he?
[Gordon:] I think some other relative died er
[Audrey:] Oh.
[Gordon:] youngish.
[Audrey:] Yes. Oh well... I bet, I think perhaps it is really. [radio on]... [break in tape] I know.
[Gordon:] It's still going?
[Audrey:] I know. Yeah, and you can't, you can't understand it can you really? Well look at the old lady that walks past here at ninety one!
[Gordon:] That's right, yeah. Yeah.
[Audrey:] And she does all her own shopping.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] You know, I mean, she keeps stopping but she's, she's remarkable! She really is.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] But they're few and far between aren't they? When th you're like that.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] But what I couldn't understand with this Soun this fella that
[Audrey:] This Sounness?
[Gordon:] Aye. He, he found out cos he went for, to, for a check up and they took his blood pressure.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] And tha well lots of people go and have blood pressure taken, they find it's high, and they
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] give them tablets.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Go home. Why did they take it a stage further with him? He'd got high blood pressure, he wasn't in any pain... he's living a normal life. Similar to what I was when I went.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] And they just give me tablets.
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] Now why, what made them take it to the stage
[Audrey:] Well... er well, first
[Gordon:] where, he wanted a heart bypass?
[Audrey:] first and foremost he was in a private scheme.
[Gordon:] Well,pro probably that's it then.
[Audrey:] Yeah. A and probably because i because of his father and er... the rela the other relative... having the bypasses done. So they took it
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] a step further, but I think probably, it's because he was in er... er a private scheme.
[Gordon:] Very likely innit?
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] So there's a lot of people walking about with just taking bloody tablets who probably really should have a by bypass.
[Audrey:] Ah well I, well, [LAUGHTER]... I wouldn't say that really Gordon. I mean I think... er, when your blood pressure was found out and you'd been taking tablets ever, so, I think it's kept it all under control and you've, you, we eat a sensible diet. The only, the only er... thing I complained about with you is, is the butter.
[Gordon:] Mm. I don't have that much now.
[Audrey:] But I think everything in moderation, but you don't eat as much butter now as what you used to.
[Gordon:] I don't eat that much bread you see.
[Audrey:] No. So I, I think really, and I think... what I think with him, I think definitely I think it must be the private scheme and plus that his own family, it runs in the family.
[Gordon:] Mm mm. Must be hell of a shock being told
[Audrey:] Oh God! It must have been.... See how much it's costing? Two hundred and fifty pounds a night!
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] Phworgh! That's without the operation.
[Gordon:] Yeah. Well he earned three hundred and fifty thousand a year then.
[Audrey:] Oh I know. And plus he's, he, he, he, he married an heiress you know.
[Gordon:] Did he?
[Audrey:] Er him er,sh they live in Spain now. Oh er he, he's worth a pretty penny is Sounness. He went in Carl's shop the other, the other week.
[Gordon:] Did he?
[Audrey:] Yes! Mm. Must have been looking for a house. Carl said he, he looked er well er, his face did, it were very... he's got a very poxy skin.
[Gordon:] Has he?
[Audrey:] You kno mm. Yes.... He was having it done this afternoon weren't he?
[Gordon:] Yeah. Some time today. Aye.
[Audrey:] I tell you what, that's quick int it though Gordon? With only going in last night and
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] having it done today.
[Gordon:] It is indeed.
[Audrey:] We I wonder how quick they would have got him in though if he wouldn't have been in a private scheme.
[Gordon:] He could wait six months couldn't he?
[Audrey:] Well he could have been dead by then.
[Gordon:] Well er, yeah,e exactly that's what they're moaning about int it?
[Audrey:] Terrible!
[Gordon:] Put them on a list and wait.... I've never heard so much talk about health... as we do nowadays.
[Audrey:] Oh I know.
[Gordon:] When I was young I co I don't remember talking all the time about bloody... health and... what you should do and what you shouldn't do.
[Audrey:] No I know.
[Gordon:] Did you?
[Audrey:] No. But we weren't educated in, in, in health though.
[Gordon:] We just li we just lived and that was the end of it.
[Audrey:] Yes but then you see, in the ol in the old days Gordon, I mean, you we you were very fortunate if you got three meals a day... and i and whatever you got you were glad of... and used to eat it all. Now... we're much more affluent... and people are educated we er
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] as regards their health.
[Gordon:] Mhm.
[Audrey:] Well th having said that Gordon, your mother lived to a good old age, and my mum, and my father did.
[Gordon:] Yeah.
[Audrey:] And [LAUGHTER] they ate all the wrong stuff didn't they []?
[Gordon:] According to wha according to what they say now they did.
[Audrey:] Mm. I know.... Don't know who to believe really.
[Gordon:] When you look at, when you look at the... some, all these, a lot of these composers and artists who died long ago... and you look the birth range... there's a hell of a lot at seventy five, seventy six
[Audrey:] Yes.
[Gordon:] a oh there's a few at forty odd.
[Audrey:] Mm.
[Gordon:] But there's a hell of a lot... well into their seventies. You know, and they were born early eighteen hundreds.
[Audrey:] Yes. Yes. Yeah. I know.
[Gordon:] I know we're living longer now generally but... I wonder how much
[Audrey:] I don't know I
[Gordon:] I wonder
[Audrey:] you know
[Gordon:] how much, how much, I don't really know. Cos there's more people now than there was in those days.
[Audrey:] Yeah, there's a lot more people.... It's not anyhow, I mean, it's alright living longer if you, if you, if you've got all your faculties.
[Gordon:] Mm.
[Audrey:] And you've got good health and everything. It's no use living like a cabbage, I don't think so anyhow.
[Gordon:] No, that's
[Audrey:] And when I see these people in nursing homes all sat round a wall in chairs... oh God! I'd hate to end up like that.
[Gordon:] Somebody's.
[Audrey:] Pardon?
[Gordon:] Left the gate open.
[Audrey:] Did you?... I wonder who's that?
[Gordon:] I'll check. Has a leaflet come through.
[Audrey:] Yes. I bet there has. Tell you what, the Conservative candidate's not been round has he?
[Gordon:] No he daren't.
[Audrey:] [LAUGHTER]