[speaker001:] Will you wash up for me tomorrow?
[Simmone:] Yeah, course I will.
[speaker003:] You sure?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Shut the door!
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Ooh Mone, before you do open the back door.
[Simmone:] Well I'll just... well it can't be helped any more.
[speaker003:] Pardon? What's in that?
[speaker004:] Have a look in your sandwiches. Mm.
[speaker003:] Fortune! Where's today's paper then?
[speaker004:] It's in there!
[Simmone:] . It's not! Where?
[speaker003:] Under the walkman.
[Simmone:] Ya.... What you doing dad? It's still quite warm.
[speaker003:] No, he's not washing up for you.
[Simmone:] Mm?
[speaker004:] But you don't take that.
[speaker003:] Pardon?
[speaker004:] Did you take that one?
[Simmone:] Yeah, but it wasn't me.
[speaker003:] Mine's there! Yeah. I've had a bit out of mine.
[speaker004:] What time is it?
[speaker003:] Twenty to eleven.
[speaker004:] What's that? What's that?
[speaker003:] I think, hang on!
[speaker004:] What's that?
[speaker003:] My... prisoner.
[speaker004:] Oh well you've seen it anyway so I won't put it on.
[speaker003:] Pardon?
[speaker004:] You've seen it. I don't wanna watch it.
[speaker003:] I'm not!
[speaker004:] I wanna listen to er
[speaker003:] Ten past eleven... Prisoner Cell Block H.
[Simmone:] No, that's on at ten... eleven
[speaker003:] No it's not! Look under T V S!
[Simmone:] That's alright then. Sorry!
[speaker003:] D'you see?
[Simmone:] Oh I thought it was erm
[speaker003:] D'you want me to get it for you?
[speaker004:] No. I'll get it myself.
[speaker003:] Mm?
[speaker004:] It's alright, no.
[Simmone:] Financial Press, dad.
[speaker004:] Oh God, no! Oh I can't be bothered to send, how much waste is that?
[speaker003:] Don't, get them when he's still asleep. Her long hair there!
[speaker004:] I won't be a minute boy!
[speaker001:] Well I had six lamb chops... they were only little baby chump chops, I think you'll probably
[speaker004:] Well you only get
[speaker003:] get more off a shoulder.
[speaker004:] Yeah, only get more small chops anyway don't you... from that?
[speaker003:] I have left you one.
[speaker004:] Oh.
[speaker003:] They're still yesterdays.
[speaker004:] Oh.
[speaker003:] They're the ones that you left for me.
[speaker004:] Aha.
[speaker003:] Ain't bad going is it?... Erm... there was four pork chops there... two gammon steaks, and I thought I don't want two gammon steaks we've already got gammon in the freezer... erm
[speaker004:] Have we?
[speaker003:] Yeah, they gotta come out the freezer cos they're for tomorrow. Erm... little bit of boiling ham, about that... by about that and I thought no I'm not having that. It's only really good for sandwiches! Chicken portions.
[speaker004:] Well I must admit you was... what? Thirty, forty?
[speaker003:] Fourth.
[speaker004:] Fourth, and you didn't, I mean you didn't seem to have a lot to pick from. The butcher ain't giving you that much.
[speaker003:] Didn't have that much to pick from.
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker003:] And there was not a lot unless the people had had three bits of beef. If they've had three bits of beef then there would have been.
[speaker004:] No chickens?
[speaker003:] Yes. There was two chickens left there. I didn't want a chicken.
[Simmone:] Well why should when there's a... shoulder of lamb.
[speaker003:] Yeah! I thought the shoulder of lamb would be much nicer and it looked nice and fresh!
[Simmone:] Who else was down there?
[speaker003:] Your dad had a game of snooker with... ah, [singing] la la la la [] Albert.
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Roddy. Colin. Norman. Brian.
[Simmone:] There was six of them?
[speaker003:] Pardon? No! But dad had a game with Albert.
[Simmone:] Less coffee powder in there.
[speaker003:] No you gotta I'll show you how to do it. Come here!
[Simmone:] Okay.
[speaker003:] You got, cor!
[Simmone:] I know.
[speaker003:] You don't know!
[Simmone:] I do!
[speaker003:] That must of mixed in. But it was quite a nice night.
[Simmone:] Oh yeah?
[speaker003:] Perhaps. Yeah. Not too expensive.... It was... not bad at all.
[speaker001:] Which one's mine Dave? Think it's that one isn't it?
[speaker004:] Yeah. That's the one.
[speaker003:] Simmone you meant to write it in pencil.
[Simmone:] I'm not.
[speaker003:] Pardon?
[Simmone:] . Just... just looks like it to you.
[speaker003:] Have you used up the first side then?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Have you?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Who did you interview then? Be
[Simmone:] Benjamin.
[speaker003:] When?
[Simmone:] Last night.
[speaker003:] Well it can't be the whole of the first side!... [clanging] No David it goes at the back.... Hey?
[Simmone:] Job information... hardly any people went to the there. People said the first things.
[speaker003:] You haven't!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Yes, I went to []... we.
[speaker003:] And he's got a lovely Geordie accent!
[Simmone:] Yeah....! Speak!
[speaker003:] You haven't spoken have you? Speak! Speak! Got it on? Speak! Speak! [dog barks] No, speak! Speak! [dog barks] And again! Speak! Speak! [dog barks]... Speak! Louder! Speak! [dog barks] Again!
[Simmone:] Oh!
[speaker003:] Again! [dog growls] Speak! Speak!
[Simmone:] What shall I put down onto that?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Are you putting this on tomorrow or not?
[speaker003:] No. Tomorrow. Cos I shall have more to go in it tomorrow.
[Simmone:] Yeah, but you go into tomorrow.
[speaker003:] Where?
[Simmone:] Behind the college.
[speaker003:] What time?
[Simmone:] Half five.
[speaker003:] In the afternoon?
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Mm. Who's gonna bring you home?
[Simmone:] Don't know.
[speaker003:] Will Pat?
[Simmone:] Don't know. I'm gonna ring Maria in the morning.
[speaker003:] Mm.
[Simmone:] She usually.
[speaker004:] Well if nobody... can bring you home then you phone here... alright?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] What time do you think it'll end though? Four?
[Simmone:] Four... four, usually four and half hours to
[speaker004:] .
[speaker003:] You will?... I see Robin's had his hair cut.
[Simmone:] Has he?
[speaker003:] Mm.... You can always tell when the clippers have been up the back of the neck.... Can't you Dave? It's a drag. And Colin had his done about the same time. ... time?
[Simmone:] Who said so?
[speaker001:] Oh!
[speaker003:] No you haven't.
[Simmone:] No I haven't. Oh! God it's possible we had one.
[speaker003:] I think we've paid the gas bill haven't we?
[Simmone:] Yeah, I did didn't I?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] [singing] Mm mm mm mm mm. Doo da doo doo doo doo doo []
[speaker003:] Ooh!
[Simmone:] [singing] da, doo doo doo []. Mm.
[speaker003:] Did they sell Five Alive in
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] in Tesco?
[Simmone:] It's nice strong. That and. Like a sort of Five Alive.
[speaker003:] ?... I Can't afford credit.... This was best before January nineteen ninety three, is the tin not a best before?
[Simmone:] I'll have a look.
[speaker003:] Should have.
[Simmone:] Whereabouts would it be mum? May ninety three... it's got on here.
[speaker003:] You want some food?
[Simmone:] May ninety three.
[speaker003:] Move over then.... Coffee cup's lifted on in the wrong place can it?
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Right! Your school ju, your school jumper ought to be cleaned didn't it?
[Simmone:] Yeah. I'm gonna keep it too. Alright?
[speaker003:] Let's do it all now then.
[Simmone:] How many this morning?
[speaker003:] No I know, but I'll do it now. They are coupons so I'll cut those out over here.
[Simmone:] Fed up of seeing a box of!
[speaker003:] Pardon?
[Simmone:] Fed up of seeing a box of if I collected those tins and put them... Back door open or not?
[speaker003:] Yeah, shut this middle one cos of the dog.
[Simmone:] He's alright!
[speaker003:] He's not! He'll be out like a light!... This it?... Has that got a mug in it? We can bin
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] that can't we?
[Simmone:] Oh! No, I don't.
[speaker003:] It's got to dad on it.
[Simmone:] I like the box.
[speaker003:] Oh Simmone!
[Simmone:] It's useful! You told me to throw it away before but I kept it to put that other mug in it.
[speaker003:] That's alright we'll... we'll bin this one.
[Simmone:] no.
[speaker003:] Go on! Sling it in the bin, please! What time is somebody coming for you?
[Simmone:] Only when someone's next, at quarter to erm... one.
[speaker003:] Get your school stuff... i
[Simmone:] Yep!
[speaker003:] in... in the washing machine now.
[Simmone:] Look.... Er... will you remind me I've got my badges up? Up there.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] [whispering] Thank you [].... [singing] Will I close to heaven [].
[speaker003:] Is it, is there any more tea in that pot?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] That's why we've left our mugs out.
[Simmone:] Yeah, mine's on those... the mug. my school uniform in the bin.
[speaker003:] In the bin?
[Simmone:] Yeah. The wheely bin.
[speaker003:] The front door.
[Simmone:] What d'you want to do with this then?
[speaker003:] I don't mind.
[Simmone:] Oh well shouldn't it be
[speaker003:] Ooh!... I think I've just gotta go to the toilet first.
[Simmone:] Mm!
[speaker003:] I didn't get dad any crisps did I?
[Simmone:] No.
[speaker003:] Has he got some in then? He should have cos he hasn't been eating.
[Simmone:] Mind you, I don't know what he's taking to work today cos we haven't got any bread.
[speaker003:] No.
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Well we've got enough in there for next week. Chocolate biscuits we'll
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] need.
[Simmone:] Get his short his nose out the! D'you want some Winalot?
[speaker003:] He'd better make his milk and water last!
[Simmone:] I didn't have time to feed.
[speaker003:] Mind!
[Simmone:] Here are!
[speaker003:] Have you got your P E kit in that washing machine?
[Simmone:] No, I put it in before the
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] What? Yeah.
[speaker003:] Okay.
[Simmone:] to have tea.
[speaker003:] You'll have to take... some washing out.
[Simmone:] Yeah.... What d'you reckon he was then?
[speaker003:] Erm...?
[Simmone:] ... I've gotta get ready in a minute.
[speaker003:] Yep! And I've got work to do in a minute.
[Simmone:] Want to wash my hair.
[speaker003:] What before you go out?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Ooh Simmone!
[Simmone:] Oh, it'll dry in time.... Oh it's manky!
[speaker003:] It's not that bad love!
[Simmone:] When did I last wash it?
[speaker003:] You'd be better off to wash it tomorrow morning.
[Simmone:] I'll wash it tomorrow anyway cos I've got ho curl it tomorrow.
[speaker003:] Well I wouldn't wash it today then.
[Simmone:] But it nee needs a wash today.
[speaker003:] Erm... Mm mm.
[Simmone:] You've shut the door to.
[speaker003:] Don't worry!... Erm... I don't think... playing, we'll have a game of cards do you?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Pardon? You do? Well the dog's eating his food.... He's got a good hand!
[Simmone:] Pardon?
[speaker003:] He's got a good hand!
[Simmone:] It's!
[speaker003:] It's not bad Simmone! Look!
[Simmone:] Give over!
[speaker003:] I don't really want to leave that like
[Simmone:] Ee
[speaker003:] that on there. What one? That one. Really fair to say you might think of another one. I'll try.
[Simmone:] No good!
[speaker003:] I know I should forecast better than that.
[Simmone:] Doesn't matter.
[speaker003:] Doesn't matter does it?
[Simmone:] No. Have you got four?
[speaker003:] Yes.
[Simmone:] Right.
[speaker003:] Hang on a minute! and one, another one.
[Simmone:] Perhaps you did.
[speaker003:] right there.
[Simmone:] What's that?
[speaker003:] And another one!
[Simmone:] Only, my God! D'you want another one?
[speaker003:] No I don't need another one.... Tell you what you want... Hooh! Is that three? Or two?
[Simmone:] Two.
[speaker003:] Two.
[Simmone:] The other one's our last one there.
[speaker003:] I've got two queens.
[Simmone:] That's it. Two kings.
[speaker003:] And a third king.
[Simmone:] Go on then, pick them up!
[speaker003:] Oh Simmone! It's not fair!
[Simmone:] Got three of them! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Do you want three? You haven't have you?
[Simmone:] Yep!
[speaker003:] Oh yuck! I've got a handful of rubbish!
[Simmone:] What's new?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]... Exactly! Three of them. There is four fives.
[Simmone:] This actually doesn't taste bad with does it?
[speaker003:] No. It's very good! What you put, the three down there? I thinks. Would you believe that that's
[Simmone:] Yes! [LAUGHTER] Yes!
[speaker003:] Three fours.
[Simmone:] Eight.
[speaker003:] Right!... That's four of those.
[Simmone:] So is it me?
[speaker003:] That's four eights is it?
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Thank you very much! Two sixes. Three sevens.
[Simmone:] Three sevens.
[speaker003:] Let's pull that thing out.
[Simmone:] [sighing] Ha []! It's quite down.
[speaker003:] Looking at... three queens.... I think I'll le, leave them there. Oh no! I can stick them up can't I, with
[Simmone:] No!
[speaker003:] the... why can't I use one of those?
[Simmone:] Cos you haven't got them in your hand.... I had all four of them!
[speaker003:] Oh!
[Simmone:] It's your go.
[speaker003:] So... I'll lay that one.
[Simmone:] Four there.
[speaker003:] Yep!.... Mm mm! Thank you! God!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Lay []!
[speaker003:] Thank you! Got all
[Simmone:] Could have been the eights. Could of been them.
[speaker003:] Oh!... That was a good game! For us!
[Simmone:] D'you see, I hope this alright?
[speaker003:] I think it looks lovely!
[Simmone:] Yeah, but d'you think they'll be able to see it? If you know what I mean? Cos it's meant to say... what we are. So they'll give them from table to table.
[speaker003:] Yes I would think so.
[Simmone:] D'you think they'll be able to keep them?
[speaker003:] Course they will! I think you've done it lovely! Is it thinking day then?
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Why do you always have it, er have it after school? It's a bit strange isn't it?
[Simmone:] Don't always, last year I had it on the.
[speaker003:] What in Broadstone?
[Simmone:] Mm. It must be a day... thinking that we had a.
[speaker003:] Yeah it was wasn't it?
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Only it seems... a long way to go!
[Simmone:] I know, but it's the Poole West Revision.
[speaker003:] Ah!
[Simmone:] So it's
[speaker003:] So... it is really, it's not
[Simmone:] You know, it's not just for
[speaker003:] No, a lot of them are Poole then are they?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] If I've got four of something can I throw them away now?
[Simmone:] Yeah, course you can.
[speaker003:] Four fours.
[Simmone:] Oh lovely!... I haven't got any fives.
[speaker003:] What?
[Simmone:] I have!
[speaker003:] What?
[Simmone:] You got any fives?
[speaker003:] Oh no!
[Simmone:] Well you go first.
[speaker003:] Right. What did that
[Simmone:] I need another one!
[speaker003:] Five. Cat.
[Simmone:] Here we go.
[speaker003:] Wait a minute! I need another one! Oh dear! An ace!
[Simmone:] Pick them up.
[speaker003:] Ha! Thank you very much!
[Simmone:] With pleasure madam! With pleasure!
[speaker003:] I think I would have had, scrunched them altogether now.... Might just as well put those three down there hadn't I? Then I can get rid of them. And I want to
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Hopefully! Ooh dear!
[Simmone:] Course, you got rid of the fours didn't you?
[speaker003:] Five.
[Simmone:] Six.
[speaker003:] Three sevens.
[Simmone:] That's where I got the other one of that.... Oh you're not
[speaker003:] Two eights.
[Simmone:] I got the other two.
[speaker003:] Okay. Two nines.
[Simmone:] No I ain't got that one there. No, I need a
[speaker003:] Dear oh dear!
[Simmone:] Come on! No you didn't, that was
[speaker003:] Oh never mind!
[Simmone:] three queens.
[speaker003:] An ace.
[Simmone:] Oh that's horrible!
[speaker003:] A six.
[Simmone:] An e, an easy one.
[speaker003:] Have I got the other one?
[Simmone:] Four double eight is what you wanted.
[speaker003:] Mm?
[Simmone:] Four double eight cos we've got.... Mm! You should have used them both together shouldn't you?
[speaker003:] I should have done shouldn't I?
[Simmone:] Should do.
[speaker003:] Got two eights here. Clear that down.
[Simmone:] Here's the nine you had in there.
[speaker003:] Oh dear!... Oh no you... yours!.
[Simmone:] What's the time?
[speaker003:] Eleven forty three by the... microwave's clock.
[Simmone:] Go and have a look at the other one.
[speaker003:] [sighing] Ya [].
[Simmone:] Go and.
[speaker003:] Mm.
[Simmone:] People like, like Matthew do the job the properly. Ah, so I've got to... attach that.
[speaker003:] Yes. You've got to attach what?
[Simmone:] One, two
[speaker003:] Don't you think it'll be a little bit of a waste? You won't need it on all the time will you?
[Simmone:] No, not all the time but it's just that you know I'm talking to
[speaker003:] I mean they co
[Simmone:] there's, cos
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] I mean those gaps in between, but we're not with
[speaker003:] Yes that
[Simmone:] the Brownies all the time.
[speaker003:] You're not?
[Simmone:] Not with Brownie pack.
[speaker003:] Ah!
[Simmone:] E, each Brownie pack goes onto a different table you see.
[speaker003:] I see!... Because really, when the Brownies are out it won't really be worth recording it.
[Simmone:] Thank you very much!
[speaker003:] Did you shuffle?
[Simmone:] Yeah.... The is all people like to say.
[speaker003:] Was it?
[Simmone:] His ex came!
[speaker003:] What his ex-wife?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Or ex-girlfriend or what?
[Simmone:] Ex-wife. Tiffany the daughter
[speaker003:] Mm.
[Simmone:] and erm... she had right go at Tessa... cos I see them together sometimes.
[speaker003:] Well never having... watched it I don't really
[Simmone:] Did dad phone?
[speaker003:] Yes.... Ha!... This is awful!
[Simmone:] What?
[speaker003:] Three, four, fives.
[Simmone:] What's that?
[speaker003:] Oh well stick them on there.... Shall I take those?
[Simmone:] No not yet.
[speaker003:] Oh!
[Simmone:] I'll wait till I've used them er....
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]... Lucky aren't you?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] [sighing] Oh dear []!
[Simmone:] Ha ha er! Mum.
[speaker003:] Pardon?
[Simmone:] Pay the ten pence.
[speaker003:] Take those. That money should have stayed quite.
[Simmone:] Four.
[speaker003:] And those.
[Simmone:] Seven.
[speaker003:] And that one.
[Simmone:] [yawn]... And we'll have that one. [singing] Na na na na []! One. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Oh dear! What a recognised voice!
[Simmone:] Erm
[speaker003:] Ooh! There he is!
[Simmone:] Oh!
[speaker003:] Two queens!
[Simmone:] Snap!
[speaker003:] [singing] Hoo hoo hoo! Hoo hoo hoo hoo! []... Er
[Simmone:] No!
[speaker003:] Come along!
[Simmone:] It's not a king is it?
[speaker003:] No!
[Simmone:] Oh my God! Slowly.
[speaker003:] I'm not!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I could be!
[Simmone:] Ah ah mother!
[speaker003:] Copiously eclastic! Oh dear! Think about that.
[Simmone:] Oh sh, I do it off a.
[speaker003:] Thank you very, very much!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Look I had two tens []!
[speaker001:] Come on Heidi, you slut! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Come on! I've never seen Heidi lost for words before!
[speaker005:] Oh you there!
[speaker006:] I did, I spoke
[Simmone:] Oh we all know that!
[speaker006:] I bet he thought you were kidding!
[Simmone:] She was on about erm... boy, there's this younger person she went to bed with!
[speaker006:] What was it a boy?
[Simmone:] It was a girl!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] believe you! She
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] She
[speaker006:] went out with him
[Simmone:] maybe she was a girl []!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] She said I know her, she's my secret lover []!
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Got that on [], on here somewhere and all!
[speaker006:] Where are the Brownies?
[speaker005:] Mm.
[speaker001:] Bye!
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker006:] Oh no you're flipping joking!
[Simmone:] [shouting] Catherine, have you seen our mother []?
[speaker001:] No.
[Simmone:] Oh God! What a!
[speaker006:] Alright!
[Simmone:] Oh good!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Och aye! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] They're going back the other way.
[Simmone:] Oh not again!
[speaker006:] [shouting] I can see them! That's them over there!
[speaker001:] Put a
[Simmone:] Can't she get in from down there?
[speaker005:] Come on titch!
[Simmone:] Oh your one to talk! [LAUGHTER]... Five foot nothing []!
[speaker005:] Oh what!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Oh no five foot, sorry! Got that wrong, three foot nothing []!
[speaker001:] Where's my mummy!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Get up!
[speaker005:] Look, she's probably out most of would get in.
[Simmone:] Yeah, that's what I thought but she'd walk down there.
[speaker001:] [screaming] Ah []!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]... I thought we should have walked down and try and find her.
[speaker005:] Where?
[Simmone:] Where? [singing] Where []?
[speaker005:] There.
[speaker006:] [singing] Over here!
[Simmone:] [singing] Where []?
[speaker006:] I'm sure I've seen her.
[Simmone:] Oh oh oh! You! You! Well what can I say I've said all the words on this so far.
[speaker005:] Fucking!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] That's it! There you are! Haven't had that before []!
[speaker005:] Fucking it's not in the!
[speaker006:] It is!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]... What we tal
[speaker001:] I'm nothing but!
[speaker006:] Nothing but?
[speaker005:] Eating raw, pukey... pasta!
[speaker006:] You weren't supposed to eat it Heidi!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] That was chopsticks. Your as boring as they are! [cough] What as?
[speaker003:] Well you have to do this naff thing! But we didn't clean our chalets so that nobody could stay in!
[speaker006:] You what?
[speaker005:] I had a singing day one!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] We had two people singing!
[Simmone:] Okay, it's thinking day!
[speaker006:] there's one in the floor and all the kids wanted to go out to see mummy and so... anyway... Neil had to sing or naff sing, hey hey it's thinking day! You can do, it's thinking in... Germany!
[Simmone:] Germany.
[speaker006:] It's thinking day. Japan it's thinking day.
[speaker005:] In Norway it's thinking day as well, except for Switzerland! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Why didn't I come down that other road?
[speaker005:] Ooh!
[Simmone:] Lucy. But you don't like her.
[speaker006:] It!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Stop giggling []!... Oh it's.
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Oh bother []!
[speaker003:] We went down Poole and there was these guides. Yeah, but what are they doing? They got clip boards! Are we gonna be accosted by Guides? But well they're obviously doing something different for thinking day in this country. I presume it was
[speaker005:] In Poole?
[speaker003:] Poole East?
[speaker005:] How embarrassing going in there!
[Simmone:] Yeah, cos we're Poole West aren't we?
[speaker006:] They must be so embarrassed!
[speaker003:] And they were doing a tally of people going in and out of Marks and Spencers!
[speaker006:] Were they?
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Don't ask me why!
[speaker005:] Gee! Well!
[speaker003:] I never found out that one.
[speaker005:] person gonna go
[Simmone:] They were what?
[speaker003:] Alright! Gotta let them come in!
[Simmone:] What are they doing it for?
[speaker003:] I don't know! I didn't ask them!
[Simmone:] They're just tough! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] No, it might not have been counting when I think of it, cos it'd be one guide coming out.
[Simmone:] Yeah, but what on earth were they doing sat in their Guide uniform at the very least!
[speaker003:] Yeah!
[Simmone:] Erm... [LAUGHTER] I'll go in Marks and Spencers! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] All the round the exits... and entrance as well.
[speaker006:] Why?
[speaker003:] Er, I don't know! Perhaps making sure the same number of people came out as went in! I don't [LAUGHTER] know []!
[Simmone:] Well what on earth were they doing?
[speaker003:] I don't know what they were doing!
[Simmone:] They must have had
[speaker003:] But they were making a tally, they got little things, you know, like.
[Simmone:] And they had their uniform on?
[speaker003:] Mind you, they didn't have the sense to do one, two, three, four, five, they were just doing lots of lines, so they got about
[Simmone:] Oh I see!
[speaker003:] three hundred and ninety two lines to count! But there you go!
[Simmone:] What were they on! I'm sorry but
[speaker005:] Weird!
[speaker003:] Well sort of went in and said oh, guides with clipboards here! D'you think they've walked round from
[speaker001:] Hamworth I said no, it can't be them! It must be somebody else. Cos they're
[Simmone:] Must be som
[speaker003:] far too busy going round the world or whatever!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Didn't you go round the world last year?
[Simmone:] No. Yeah, we always do and get
[speaker003:] And that was just birthday
[speaker005:] No!
[speaker003:] out here
[Simmone:] bored and
[speaker003:] weren't it?
[Simmone:] [yawning] Did you see me last year []? See that cheerleading thing! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] Oh yes []!
[speaker006:] So funny!
[Simmone:] I remember. It was
[speaker003:] It was you doing the games were you?
[Simmone:] Erm,ye ye... ish.
[speaker003:] You were a guide were you? With your guide company.
[speaker005:] There was a young leader on our one.
[speaker003:] Yes, that's why.
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] So there's more of chance of winning []!
[speaker005:] Because only we, when the young leader
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] that's why!
[Simmone:] It's the wrong one, she's just
[speaker003:] How much?
[Simmone:] they're using as a spoon!
[speaker003:] What, you mean they're only to be young leaders there.
[Simmone:] Well no, but everybody was helping their
[speaker006:] Oh right!
[Simmone:] collection you see, and Heidi and... us two just wanna go.
[speaker003:] Mm.
[speaker005:] Well it was our thing weren't it?
[Simmone:] Yeah. We were there, see and
[speaker005:] then
[Simmone:] came up.
[speaker003:] So, what was that, what was Mrs doing?
[speaker005:] I dunno, never got to see her.
[speaker006:] They were book marks and writing on the canal.
[speaker003:] So, did you, should you have really have been helping them?
[speaker006:] No, cos I was doing
[Simmone:] No,th there was loads of them! They had whatsername, the Chinky, whatsername?
[speaker006:] Yvonne, and Helen
[speaker007:] Dunno.
[speaker006:] and Catherine, all
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] of them.
[speaker005:] All of them. And Mrs
[speaker003:] And they were okay?
[speaker005:] Mm.
[Simmone:] Christ!
[speaker003:] Gotta get this organized then.
[Simmone:] Mind you she hundreds of her Brownies there.
[speaker005:] We had five?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] Yeah, five.
[Simmone:] Then we just sat and looked
[speaker006:] There must been about nineteen.
[Simmone:] on this diary.
[speaker003:] Really?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Oh really!
[speaker006:] Yeah, cos they're just friends.
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker005:] I wonder if she fancies him.
[speaker003:] So she doesn't get the whip the same way
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] as Mrs.
[speaker006:] Well on Thursday it's er Mrs, we're watching videos, including the video of the Christmas parade.
[speaker005:] Oh that should be
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker005:] great fun!
[speaker006:] Absolutely!
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] Apparently we're on it quite a lot! [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] We have to think [LAUGHTER] yourself []!
[Simmone:] It means we'll actually get to see some of it.
[speaker005:] You still get to see what you look
[speaker006:] I know!
[speaker005:] like.
[speaker006:] Oh no!
[Simmone:] Oh no, cos, no Alison
[speaker003:] Looks really funny!
[Simmone:] recorded it... and then... Claire and Sue... yeah, her and somebody were watching round at her house
[speaker006:] Mm.
[Simmone:] and they go... that's Heidi!
[speaker005:] I'm almost died
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] !
[Simmone:] They were telling me, a month ago, were you in the Christmas parade to be an old granny? Cos they videoed it
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] and they didn't know I was there.
[speaker003:] Oh well that sounds fun! Charlotte, what were you Charlotte?
[speaker006:] A green
[speaker005:] thing.
[speaker006:] gate thing.
[speaker003:] Wizard or, oh yeah! A gate thing there weren't it?
[speaker005:] Oh I was so embarrassed! Because, you know!
[speaker006:] It was embarrassing in the first place.
[speaker003:] It was a long way down this road, I was right.
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] Yeah, I go to Mrs, erm can we... fish, sharing lists I ga, you know, I think it'll be easier if we did it in twos, and Becky goes... why? Cos it's gonna be a bit of squash innit, for us? And then Becky says, well who else is going?
[speaker003:] Well I think really, it's gonna be difficult for four people going out there with
[Simmone:] You can't take it with four!
[speaker003:] all that!
[Simmone:] You can't!
[speaker005:] So Dougy and Karen are going out.
[speaker003:] Yeah, and I'll be the clarinet and a... oh!.
[Simmone:] I don't know. I don't think, she's very flat.
[speaker005:] With two violins and a guitar and all our stuff anyway, that'll be enough!
[speaker006:] I don't see.
[speaker005:] I can just see him tonight. [traffic noise]
[speaker003:] The trouble is, when you've got your violin it means you never get a chance, you know, if they say well we're going to prepare... however, well she can.
[Simmone:] She always gets to do the music because... you know, like... she did at that er
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] that Guide thing.
[speaker006:] That was really lovely!
[speaker003:] Absolutely beautiful! It was late and she'd given, they were coming out when I got round there!
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] I mean really!
[speaker001:] She could get some words from her dad. But we, we all thought of it you know.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Would he mind doing it for you, Mark?
[speaker004:] Well when they came to, doing The Railway about two years ago, well I think he was very
[speaker003:] Was he?
[speaker004:] lyrical! Yes!
[speaker003:] It was all Dorset words, I mean that was really be... beautiful!
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Wasn't it? Mm. Cos I don't know anybody that knows more Dorset words than your
[speaker004:] No, that's it!
[speaker003:] dad would know.... I thought about Robbie, cos Robbie... is quite Dorset and he's quite broad. Yeah. And then I thought about Mark.
[speaker004:] Mark's quite Dorset as well! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Go on say I'm a Swede!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Get your tea.
[speaker004:] basher, swede basher!
[speaker003:] You were Dorset weren't you? you were in Dorset wasn't you?
[speaker004:] No! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Mary's like me though, she hasn't really got anything has she. You haven't really got a Dorset accent have you?
[speaker004:] No but you're Dorset as well! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Yeah! Born and bred, through and through. Do you think that I'm... mine's more broad than Mary's?
[speaker004:] Ooh yes! Ever so! Ever so!
[speaker003:] But my mum was London... now, she never had a London accent. But my dad was Dorset, through Mm. and through. Oh they say he was broad!
[speaker004:] Oh right!
[speaker003:] Mm.
[speaker004:] I'm from.
[speaker003:] I suppose it seems, mine's probably still there now My dad was Stamford because of dad, and mum.
[speaker004:] Yep.
[speaker003:] Oh from Stamford I think dad, I'm not sure whether he, no he wasn't born in Stamford he was born in King's Street where I lived
[speaker004:] Oh, as a little girl?
[speaker003:] when I was little. Yeah. But, now with Stamford you can feel that they were Litchet way, I think.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Cos she used to work for... Green Leaves was it? She was in service... till
[speaker004:] Oh yeah!
[speaker003:] as a little girl.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] And then she used to take in all her washings, her babies was growing up. But you've got more of an accent now, a bit more... country... or... it's got
[speaker004:] Yes, I was just gonna say the... somewhere near
[speaker003:] ?
[speaker004:] near Bournemouth. But
[speaker003:] Mm.
[speaker004:] I can remember Carole... my father used to ah! now and
[speaker003:] That's lovely!
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] That is lovely! If you could get two of them together
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] and Mr when he cutting your dad's hair. Oh no! I mean that would be absolutely fantastic!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER].
[speaker003:] Wouldn't it? What was you saying last Wednesday? That would be a real bonus!
[speaker004:] That was a haircut as well ain't he?
[speaker003:] Yeah, he went to Colin's as well. They both look the same style
[speaker004:] Cor!
[speaker003:] I said, oh you've got a new style [LAUGHTER] this month then? Yeah []!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] I think, she got one right hook []!
[speaker003:] She did! [LAUGHTER] No []! He had to cut his right up. Colin's didn't look too bad cos Colin told him to leave him a bit longer now. He said to me, now look on the calendar when he came. Have you got that thing on?
[speaker004:] What's he go, about every six weeks?
[speaker003:] Is it still going? That's without the laxatives! It's still going. What? That's without the laxatives!
[speaker004:] the bottom.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] How often does he go round to see your dad, Mark? Well, he swears it's every four weeks, but you say to him... ooh, you know you been alright Paul? Yes. Why? Oh he hasn't been round you know. Yes I did. Well where's the? Yeah. Not every four weeks. Ah! But he's now. He can't stand it with the weather being bad. Not really, but he's, how old is he?
[speaker004:] Well he's
[speaker003:] He's about the same age as
[speaker004:] ain't he?
[speaker003:] Yeah, he'd need to be wouldn't he?
[speaker004:] Gotta be, ain't he?
[speaker003:] Gotta be!
[speaker001:] tonight.
[speaker003:] Are you?
[speaker001:] Gotta move out.
[speaker003:] Ha! Thank goodness for that!
[speaker004:] Here! Here! Here! Alright!
[speaker003:] Hello, you alright?
[speaker001:] Yes!
[speaker004:] Hello Sylvie!
[speaker001:] How are you love?
[speaker003:] Yeah!
[speaker001:] I'm alright, are you?
[speaker004:] Alright, you?
[speaker001:] Hi!
[speaker004:] Where are you hiding?
[speaker001:] Yeah. I've only lost one, I've lost on.
[speaker004:] I had to... nibble the chocolate
[speaker001:] I've just got to have it. Is it this one?
[speaker004:] Yeah, throw it over, er over there Sylve somewhere. Poor Bill! all day looking for him at home.
[speaker001:] Oh is it?
[speaker003:] Yeah, it's been on all the time isn't it?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] I don't think my customer's although you'll probably hear all the bits in between.
[speaker003:] And been here before... so... he probably thinks they're alright.
[speaker004:] Oh when you've had your dinner.
[speaker001:] Oh yeah! I mean
[speaker004:] I bet
[speaker001:] it's just bored isn't it?
[speaker004:] Yeah, it is, isn't it?
[speaker003:] But, I hope you made something.
[speaker001:] Isn't it lovely today?
[speaker004:] Beautiful day!
[speaker003:] Yeah, it's very nice. In fact, really, you just wanna thought about going home.
[speaker004:] I've mowed the lawn, that'll make it grow!
[speaker001:] And I've been mowing the lawn.
[speaker003:] Have you mowed it?
[speaker001:] Yeah!
[speaker003:] Is it?
[speaker004:] Yeah!
[speaker003:] We're the last, one of the last ones in our road!
[speaker004:] I was gonna say, only we are the top up the road
[speaker003:] Won't your frost kill it off?
[speaker004:] mowed his about two weeks ago!
[speaker003:] Oh yeah! Cos I was thinking about getting out there and I thought no I won't in case the frost... comes on and
[speaker004:] Ours was so
[speaker003:] Yeah! Don't
[speaker004:] untidy!
[speaker003:] think it hurts it. look the... about a
[speaker004:] Definitely!
[speaker003:] quarter is it? They
[speaker004:] Definitely strong innit?
[speaker003:] I mean it's good for it isn't it, really?
[speaker001:] Do you spray the same spray with it? I think it's a local gardener, or someone... went to the... filled up all the turf and took it all out.
[speaker004:] Yes, I heard.
[speaker003:] Oh no!
[speaker001:] And that... that's happened before, I've heard
[speaker004:] I heard that last night.
[speaker001:] that before.
[speaker003:] Someone's got a beautiful lawn then!
[speaker001:] Yes we have. It's very nice! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] And the Corgis like it too.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] I think, we have got all these seeds though in the greenhouse, and they're coming up a treat!
[speaker004:] Are they?
[speaker003:] We got broad beans up
[speaker001:] Come up, rather
[speaker003:] already.
[speaker001:] coincidentally. The whole thing
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Our broad beans are like that!
[speaker001:] He covers them up with sheets of plastic.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Does he?
[speaker001:] Helps... helps us to keep them warm at night.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] to your greenhouse.
[speaker003:] Don't you object Eileen?
[speaker001:] What?
[speaker003:] When he puts you in a sheet of plastic.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] No []! [LAUGHTER] Oh!
[speaker003:] We had Dave's mum up today.
[speaker004:] Oh did you?
[speaker003:] She's lovely! How is she? She's not too bad. Not too bad at all.
[speaker001:] A lot better than she was that holiday?
[speaker003:] Oh yeah! Yeah, I think so. She didn't wanna go back. Mm. It's always the problem. She, never wants to go back, but... she really did enjoy herself! It's the first time she's been out of there since.
[speaker004:] Oh is it?
[speaker003:] Yeah. She went in there the end of September, so she's had October, November, December, January That's right! Feb, five months. She's been in there. Has she not been to her daughter's? Nope! She was gonna go up there Christmas day
[speaker001:] [cough]
[speaker003:] and she fell... Christmas Eve wasn't it Mon?
[Simmone:] Christmas morning.
[speaker003:] Yeah, Christmas morning
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] got a big gash down her leg Oh that's right, you mentioned so she never went. about that. And since then nobody's ever offered. So we said to her last week... Dave and I talked it over... and, I didn't realize he was gonna spring it quite as soon as that, but... he did, and everything went alright so, I said, well we'll try her for tea, a couple a hours didn't we Mon?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] So we picked her up at about twenty to three and we took her back there at... quarter to eight?
[Simmone:] Yeah, and she's
[speaker003:] Did you have a power cut?
[Simmone:] Yes.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] I will look forward to
[speaker003:] Oh my God!
[Simmone:] and of course was there.
[speaker003:] of all the days I've gotta have a power cut as well! what time was that?
[speaker001:] Three o'clock to five o'clock someone was saying.
[speaker003:] About twenty to three it went off.
[speaker001:] We all sat round the van, the caravan about quarter to four... and she'd just got one, she'd got one of her friends and they got theirs about quarter to four.
[speaker004:] Well ours didn't go off
[speaker001:] Quarter to five.
[speaker004:] cos we had the telly on.
[speaker003:] No I They reckon it was all of Dawstone all of Corfe Mullen. We weren't off. Cos I rang them up. You weren't off? No.
[speaker004:] No.
[Simmone:] Must have pinpointed your system.
[speaker003:] I could have gone round to couldn't I? In my jumper couldn't I? [LAUGHTER] Oh dear! Not with! I could have. [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I would have brought
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker003:] my own iron. [LAUGHTER] Yeah []! I could have done that.
[Simmone:] Left it on the [LAUGHTER] front doorstep []!
[speaker004:] Oh weren't they greedy on the village, today?
[speaker003:] Well I think... see now, that's because their paper Did they have it all? They read it out of the horoscope.
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker003:] No. So it's most important. But it they read that off
[speaker004:] Bet three hundred something odd pound and they
[speaker003:] What and lost it?
[speaker004:] and quite, no surprises!
[speaker003:] That's what happened last week! How much did it cost them?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] They had quite a lot of money last week. Did you hear them say about the horoscopes? Waiting for this programme...... and erm... when the husband, her partner went home... they'd been to see this, I don't know quite what happened Mm. She said, I can't believe what it says in the paper any more Mm. last week in a T V programme. But they we, quite convinced they were gonna win and I think this is what was behind it.
[speaker004:] Yes, oh I didn't hear that much.
[speaker003:] So he bought the cutting with him and said they couldn't it. What, so they obviously believe in their horoscopes? Mm. Yeah, cos you can read into it what you want these things re, can't you
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] really? Well I think she felt, as they went... I was... sitting reading all about horoscopes but they did win. Mm. But they just got greedy. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Mm. Turn that off for a minute. No! Turn it off a minute I got a joke.
[Simmone:] I'm.
[speaker003:] Turn it off!
[Simmone:] You
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Norma... couldn't get it... and her voice was getting louder, and louder, and louder! I sat down here Tuesday night and she was going, what she's saying? Something... what?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] And it was going louder and louder and louder! And then we had to tell her in the end! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Can you be quiet []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Oh oh! Everybody else was in raptures! And I thought, oh... not Norma. It does... though I know that that programme that's all being recorded there's a funny atmosphere. See you might even be starting up the classes. Oh I know! But then, she probably might not. The Camon... it's called the Camomile... Camomile Lawn.
[speaker004:] Oh
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker004:] that sounds lovely! Yeah, they've had it... excerpts of it on television haven't they?
[speaker003:] Well, Di saw it and recorded it didn't they? Yeah, I mean the the film was quite long though Mm. wasn't it? Yeah.
[speaker004:] With erm... oh!
[speaker003:] Felicity Ke
[speaker004:] That's it!
[speaker003:] Kendal. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yes.
[speaker003:] And she says she's got Yeah. Cos she was smoking like Yeah. a trooper too wasn't she? Soon as they did their words there's like a... another fag! [LAUGHTER]... Not, she sounded [LAUGHTER] like []! Oh Robin, you have had a short cut this time!
[speaker004:] Oh he's weird he is, you know, isn't he?
[speaker003:] Anyway, Robin had rushed himself... and I think Robin wanted to get out early and Colin was probably going first I'm busy now, thank God! Yeah, but then he weren't at Colin's, and he said no, you go first... and when he'd finished Robin's, he said, I don't want it as short as that! He went quite spare! [LAUGHTER]... And it's what you call an economy one, you know!
[speaker004:] Oh is it? [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker003:] We've got to take our holidays before the end of March, so What did said went wrong?
[speaker004:] Oh well when I got up there of course you just
[speaker003:] He just came up, he came here
[speaker004:] went strai he out there to see him.
[speaker003:] And... I mean... there was hair on the tables, you know where he'd been
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker003:] or... and apparently he'd lost a strip. When's he going to take a lot of this then? Wednesday. Wednesday, it must have Thursday, well... he sat in the store as they called him. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Mm. It was a good idea! It was Mm. yeah. The only thing is, the went in the back of it! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Yeah, I'll tell you something too
[speaker003:] He dropped something, a screw or something, he went all over the, the floors!
[speaker004:] He's a fruit case really
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] isn't he?
[speaker003:] Oh no!
[speaker004:] Him and his dad!
[speaker003:] He left our dad's at half past ten. What, at night? Yeah. at night.
[speaker004:] Oh, he shouldn't allowed on the road should he?
[speaker003:] Doesn't make any difference as far dad's concerned. I don't think he's taken it.
[Simmone:] How did you know?
[speaker004:] Oh no.
[speaker003:] Well he... he just to Who me? Bu... Mr doesn't eat does he? He doesn't eat? No, not when he's going round
[speaker004:] He eats my
[speaker003:] I mean.
[speaker004:] cake.
[speaker003:] he eats everybody else's food but he doesn't cook for himself apparently. Who was saying what his house was like? I think it was Colin. Your dad... dad... annoys me really because... he gives him so much, you know? Like Mm. er... go and get his haircut... the cost of everything. Yeah, but he thinks he probably does. Yeah. He's just too busy to pay for his fees. I mean you don't really get a straight do you, when you get a No. job. And I mean, say... if there's apples or anything like that, go and say, help yourself to apples... he'll fill his bag until he can't get another thing in!
[speaker004:] He don't!
[speaker003:] Yeah! Well he doesn't just have a few. I mean they're gonna be No, no thrown
[speaker004:] Yeah, that's right.
[speaker003:] he fills his bag That's right. until he can't get another one in. We go.
[speaker004:] Yeah, that's right!
[speaker003:] That's right! I mean, you'd think he'd just have a few enough to make a pie or a crumble That's right. or something wouldn't Yeah. you? But the thing is, I doubt if he does make anything out of that cos that's probably I mean that's being greedy! . Yeah, but all? Bit greedy! He'll have the runs for a week! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, and he'll go.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] He must worth a fortune then, Marg? I don't know if he is or not. I mean, I said to. I don't know. I've no idea, probably I should think.
[speaker004:] I, I wouldn't think he was rich.
[speaker003:] I don't know, maybe he is. Yeah, but if he doesn't anything. Cos, Colin was saying how antiquated his house is.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Oh, has he been in there, Colin? I think so. Yeah.
[speaker004:] I can imagine it.
[speaker003:] I, and he said... he still, he hasn't got a proper cooker or anything or He, no, he's got no television has No. he? And when irons he... he boils up... boils a saucepan of water and puts the saucepan [LAUGHTER] over it []!
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker003:] I couldn't believe it! I said to Colin, you sure? He said, yeah he said, he told me. He's house proud
[speaker004:] I don't care!
[speaker003:] He said he wets them. Urgh!
[speaker004:] Probably at that age! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Urgh!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] cleaning and washing his pants!
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker003:] Incontinent. Yeah.
[speaker001:] How old is he?
[speaker003:] He's nearly
[speaker004:] He must be eighty
[speaker003:] eighty ain't he?
[speaker004:] odd. Yeah, he's eighty.
[speaker003:] About, near eighty. Where was that set aside?
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Holiday?
[speaker003:] Was it?
[speaker004:] That was in the paper.
[speaker003:] Yeah, that's just what I said. Saying it, it was just as if
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Do you reckon he's still worth a fortune?
[speaker004:] Several thousand.
[speaker003:] Trouble is you don't know anyone who is any more, do you? No. Not really. I expect he is. Yeah, I reckon. Even on paper. But I mean, a millionaire on paper No. there isn't many these days. I mean, he was a millionaire on paper, years ago when millionaires were still That's right! well respected Yeah. now, they're two a penny aren't they, almost? Well I don't Marg, I'm not one of them!
[speaker004:] Nothing to talk about! I'm not!
[speaker003:] No!
[speaker004:] Someone's!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I know, two of them still I always think a family's born to that that I know of are definitely millionaires.
[speaker004:] Oh really!
[speaker003:] Yeah. And they're so ordinary... people... that you'd never believe it.
[speaker004:] You won't know.
[speaker003:] I mean, ten years ago, maybe twenty years ago, I wouldn't have known anyone at all that had been millionaires. Ya, I mean they wouldn't mix with the likes of us!
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker003:] Yes.
[speaker004:] That's right.
[speaker003:] The riff-raff, [LAUGHTER] and the rabble []! But I mean, now they do. They're ordinary people. Well that's.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Yeah. But they are ordinary people. Oh a lot of
[speaker001:] Oh yeah.
[speaker003:] ordinary people have become millionaires.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] I mean one is, Jean's... mother... she is, she's a millionairess in her own right. Mm. And the other one's Harry. So you do know another one. Now I mean Harry wo, would he strike you as being a millionaire? You've met him. Yeah, I me... mes, what Harry? Mm.
[Simmone:] Oh yeah, Harry!
[speaker003:] You've met. Oh yeah! Sean. Oh is he? Yeah! [LAUGHTER] Yeah []! But, I mean, I wouldn't have thought that. You see I...... he came round and dug our footing, Sean! Sat there He's lovely! and he had his beefburger the same as everybody else.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Belched the same as [LAUGHTER] everybody else []!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]... Fine!
[speaker004:] Bound to.
[speaker003:] Yeah! I don't think And, now he's as ordri... as ordinary as anything. I just don't think you get everything about him.
[speaker004:] Must have knocked them off!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker003:] That's! Yeah.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I don't think you get health out of anything.
[speaker004:] If you can be a rich woman [LAUGHTER] you would []!
[speaker003:] Money can't buy you [LAUGHTER] Yeah []! I think it can definitely make you happier. I, I do think it's meant to be there to actually. [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Makes you wonder []!
[speaker003:] then hasn't he?
[speaker004:] What's that Marg?
[speaker003:] The chap who's won all the money on the pools last week.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah!
[speaker003:] Oh yeah! He's gonna go round all and see
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] her. What is he gonna... buy some treatment for her? Well he's gonna, he's said he'd spend
[speaker004:] He's gonna try.
[speaker003:] every penny you know. He's
[speaker001:] Trying to find a cure for her.
[speaker004:] She's only got... was it, three months?
[speaker003:] She looked ill didn't she?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] How old is he?
[speaker004:] He got
[speaker003:] I'd so sort of say
[speaker004:] four daughters is it? Four daughters,... three or four daughters left.
[speaker001:] Yes, she's goes to one of them.
[speaker003:] Oh I think so.
[speaker004:] Oh a little boy, yeah.
[speaker003:] There, yeah. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah. They go
[speaker003:] So they're quite young then Marg, really?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] And he's won every penny I reckon.
[speaker003:] No his wife.
[speaker001:] Oh it's
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] It's,wa his wife, yeah. That's horrible isn't it? A brain tumour they cause but I mean... he said last week he spent every penny he had to get her through it and this
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] week... he's got so much money he's still spending it on her. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Lovely, innit? Yeah. There's gotta be someone out there though, that'll take him for a ride! I'm sure John is gonna tell you he's gonna be in the paper about all these people who's gold top milk is missing, have you heard about that? Oh what, and it was the dog? Yeah! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] A joke? A joke?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] It was a dog, yeah []! We, something all the money to make people The bottles was down his trouser leg! Yeah! He tied the bottle somewhere and the dog Not many gold tops about
[speaker004:] They're all going for a.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Paid the blooming to follow them apparently and this
[speaker001:] Ooh ow!
[speaker003:] dog was getting the top off and down and then hiding the bottles!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I found it funny! It cost the poor milkman a fortune to get them to pay him up for the milk people said they didn't get, you know! Yeah!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] That's, it's a lovely tale I think []!
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker004:] That'll be alright on Esther Rantzen or something like that.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Yeah. Did you see those funny clips on T V, you know the erm... funny show?
[speaker004:] Videos? Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Oh I like those! Yeah.
[speaker004:] They're very... surprising aren't they?
[speaker003:] Did you see the one when the cat fell off the television? There's plenty of ones about isn't there? Well it
[Simmone:] Yeah, yeah, yeah, that cat one, yeah!
[speaker004:] That was really funny!
[speaker003:] And he went right off the top!
[Simmone:] Yeah!
[speaker001:] Yeah! Ah... did you se, have the Friday night's.
[speaker004:] No, what's on then?
[speaker003:] Er sorry Beadle's night isn't it? Er Jeremy Beadle's
[speaker001:] Yes, probably, yeah.
[speaker003:] I think the home video ones are
[speaker004:] They're ever so funny!
[speaker003:] not put on, they're very good! But I think some of them are ever so put on. Oh!
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] I'm sure they're done up.
[speaker004:] And they're set up, yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Yeah, but they did just on Friday night that they were... some of them were four years old! No! Really, cos the date's on them isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know what, know the ones that went on Friday night with the boys
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] No, I never saw it. thing
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Well, well the ones that were on where they were playing... musical chairs or something like that
[speaker004:] Yeah, yeah.
[speaker003:] well, that was nineteen eighty seven!
[speaker004:] Was it?
[speaker003:] Was it?
[speaker004:] Well he ha, he did say they were
[speaker003:] So that didn't mean
[speaker004:] older now didn't he?
[speaker003:] Did he?
[speaker004:] The one where
[speaker003:] But some of them they do put on I don't think are worth putting on at all! And that by men or something
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] it wouldn't have been s
[speaker004:] No, I don't agree with that all!
[speaker003:] But if one of them had shown some of the... you never, you'd never get scenes like that. It's awful! [LAUGHTER] []!
[speaker004:] Oh that was terrible! Ooh ooh!
[Simmone:] It showed you about everything as
[speaker004:] Oh!
[Simmone:] well!
[speaker003:] Yeah! Yeah. But what about the little boy that was walking along with bottles of milk... and to trying not spill any.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah! [LAUGHTER]... He did a good job with that milk didn't he?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] And couldn't stand up and went like this!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Oh dear! I thought he was cheeky!
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] There was a one chap tonight, a Scotsman in a kilt wasn't there? Yeah. On a trampoline. Did he really? He had his... G string
[Simmone:] Is that, is that
[speaker003:] Excuse me!
[Simmone:] the one your dinner?
[speaker003:] Oh aye! He was having a good look then I'd say! Didn't look at as though it was, it didn't
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] lo, well other than than he had a nasty accident like and he
[Simmone:] Yeah, cos it was at a big wedding wasn't it?
[speaker003:] down there. Yeah. It looked like it.
[Simmone:] Yeah. I think so.
[speaker003:] And then, up on a trampoline... no up or down, they said no way! Had enough of yours! Ha! That's wrong innit?
[speaker004:] And disappointed.
[speaker003:] Oh! A man was horr
[speaker004:] It's muggy down here.
[speaker003:] got off a Muggy?
[speaker004:] Mm. Warmer.
[speaker003:] They said the last one B and Q. Oh right! To make her walk down that one. Well I saw this present I thought I could find it sort of erm... well I suppose I would off everywhere. You know That shows how old it is, there's no registration on it. Cos we've been so... cold haven't we?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Suppose, I mean Yeah, that's right. Well it's really great now Lovely though isn't it? Nice and warm!
[speaker004:] I see that
[speaker003:] Oh fight! Still fight like hell! Do they? Oh yeah! Yeah. I think they've watch Dave in the bath I think! [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] They will not stay up there! He has
[speaker001:] Ah!
[speaker003:] to put the their own in, like
[speaker004:] Oh won't they?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] []! Have all they all fought? You always seem to fight your, but I just don't... well these two have haven't they Eileen.
[speaker001:] Mm.
[speaker003:] From the word go. They've got their pecking order and that's it! And they ha
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] And I thought we've had to Eileen back something before because they've fought.
[speaker003:] Oh yeah! [LAUGHTER]... [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker001:] You did! And they backed off lightly!
[speaker003:] But they'll get their own back!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, that's right!
[speaker003:] It was like nine little indians, it was wasn't Eileen?
[speaker001:] Yeah!
[speaker003:] One down, one to go!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] And do your sums. One died. Favourite one died.
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] And the other favourite as well.
[Simmone:] Well we lost him first.
[speaker003:] Yeah,
[Simmone:] Ha!
[speaker003:] you lost him then got him back and then he died!
[speaker004:] Oh right!
[speaker003:] I thought how dare you die on me!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] I went ooh! God!
[speaker003:] But these two, I mean... fine. Touch wood! Just thought They're healthy and that's it!
[Simmone:] Where?
[speaker003:] within you. Joyce. Hang on. Did you hear that? Ethel put
[Simmone:] That's called a now.
[speaker003:] I think that's from... Albert too innit?
[Simmone:] Yeah!
[speaker003:] Ooh I think tha, I think that's terrible! Did you see... were you watching erm... Oh!
[Simmone:] Brian Connolly.
[speaker003:] What's that one? No. What, that
[Simmone:] No.
[speaker003:] one with Les Dennis?
[Simmone:] ?
[speaker003:] Mm.
[Simmone:] Erm... Russ Abbott.
[speaker003:] Family Fortunes.
[Simmone:] That's it!
[speaker003:] Family Fortunes. Well we, did you watch it this week? I didn't see the start of it. [LAUGHTER] Did you see the bit where []... what should a man that wears a wig never do?
[speaker004:] Yeah!
[speaker003:] I just When I switched on rolled up! Um... si, what was it? Not go swimming.
[speaker004:] Don't go swimming.
[speaker003:] Don't go near [LAUGHTER] helicopters []!
[speaker004:] Don't go near helicopters, yeah!
[speaker003:] Yeah! And don't do handstands. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Yes sir?
[speaker004:] One there.
[speaker003:] So don't you know whose they are
[Simmone:] No you got.
[speaker003:] honey?
[speaker004:] What's that then?
[Simmone:] That's mum's.
[speaker003:] That's mine.
[speaker004:] She's alright. I'll
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker004:] get you a drink.
[speaker003:] dear oh dear! Get her a straw.
[speaker004:] What do you want Sylv?
[speaker006:] I'll have some Stones please? Thank you.
[speaker004:] Stones.
[speaker003:] I'm alright David. I think I'm alright.
[speaker004:] Didn't ask how you were!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] No oh oh oh []! No I just tonic Dave.
[speaker004:] You sure?
[speaker003:] Yes. Don't you want a little-un? No, oh no I'm alright Little port? thank you. Well I thought they were ever so funny! They were so [LAUGHTER] fu [] Well the telly was switched on and I didn't know what it was, the question was [LAUGHTER] but I guessed... I just rolled up! But I mean, I've... nobody said go there so I thought
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] Well don't do that []!
[speaker001:] No, erm... but you see
[speaker003:] Don't go swimming. Don't do that.
[speaker004:] I wouldn't say go near helicopter.
[speaker001:] No!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] I wouldn't have said that. I wouldn't have said handstands.
[speaker004:] No, nor would I.
[speaker001:] But Jackie said swimming. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Don't go
[speaker003:] Don't
[speaker004:] out in the wind.
[speaker003:] don't go out in the rain [LAUGHTER] was another one []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Looks as if he's got a bonnet. [LAUGHTER] Yeah []! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Don't scratch your head!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] That was one. That was one of them.
[speaker004:] I did say don't scratch
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] your head.
[speaker003:] It was on the other night.
[speaker001:] George was talking to that when he goes [clicking tongue]
[speaker003:] Cor!
[speaker004:] Well there's no end to it.
[speaker001:] I thought oh dear!
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker001:] You know it's sort of mi mi miss the screw holes.
[speaker004:] Some of them think of the most stupid thing to say don't they?
[speaker003:] They do don't they?
[Simmone:] I suppose they think it's good.
[speaker004:] I've had to do it
[speaker001:] It is a stupid
[speaker004:] with the ones
[speaker001:] programme that programme!
[speaker003:] Well
[speaker001:] But oh!
[speaker003:] wouldn't believe me so they say just one more thing
[Simmone:] I suppose they gotta make
[speaker003:] that everybody said... it's something about going to the back door. I ca, forget what it was about. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah!
[speaker003:] And then you'd say got to the front door Yeah! wouldn't you?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] And I thought well that's bloody stupid!
[speaker004:] That was stupid, yeah!
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] That was. It was daft!
[speaker003:] I suppose it's difficult when you're there, mind but Yeah, but that was really daft wasn't it? Mm. I mean, I would have given him a good kick [LAUGHTER] if I'd do stood along side of him []!
[Simmone:] Hello!
[speaker003:] Well Sylv, we had the Boggle out yesterday and we got twenty four words! Sixty.
[speaker004:] What i in that time? Very good! Yes!
[speaker003:] No.
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker003:] No, no no.
[speaker004:] Are you sure you're not making it up? No we never.
[speaker003:] No we, no we cho, because er
[speaker004:] Oh dear oh dear!
[speaker003:] because erm... cos I sat down there. might think you had your usual.
[speaker004:] I dunno what you had, I I, I
[speaker001:] Five pounds for you in there.
[speaker003:] Cheers! I'm on.
[speaker004:] You had that?
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Who are these?
[Simmone:] And... yeah
[speaker001:] Yes.
[Simmone:] we said you could
[speaker001:] Thanks.
[Simmone:] also
[speaker001:] And Noel said
[Simmone:] make one.
[speaker001:] and that Mary
[speaker003:] Who?
[speaker001:] erm... you know
[Simmone:] First, you
[speaker001:] Cyril
[Simmone:] can... but dad's being chilly
[speaker001:] No, he's not in yet.
[speaker003:] Yeah
[Simmone:] so
[speaker003:] we think so.
[Simmone:] But dad's being chilly so what he did was calculated wasn't it?
[speaker001:] Yeah, but rather than what, what is frightening.
[speaker003:] Sure. Yeah. In there.
[Simmone:] Dad you just
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] calculated you've got an extra.
[speaker004:] Got one.
[speaker001:] One to Mary.
[speaker004:] One to Mary. Yeah? Is it this one?
[Simmone:] You've got an extra word. Dad
[speaker004:] Well, no.
[Simmone:] isn't it? Cos he was something.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] But I've got one.
[speaker004:] Yeah, that was already in.
[speaker001:] Ooh, don't say it! Oh sorry!
[speaker003:] Oh sorry!
[speaker004:] Yeah. What was he helping? Oh hell's bells we got Oh yeah
[speaker003:] Oh yeah.
[speaker004:] some more! but that's the thing.
[speaker003:] He had a heart attack ooh
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Your brother has?
[speaker003:] That's alright.
[speaker004:] What are you doing, swapping around here? Mm.
[speaker003:] Well we have extra one.
[speaker004:] Blooming extra?
[speaker003:] Well
[speaker004:] If you take those two... everyone's away
[speaker003:] Thank you very much Ken. Thanks Ken. You're a hero!
[speaker001:] A hero?
[speaker003:] Well... yeah.
[speaker001:] Oh.
[speaker003:] Hero. What night does that... Camomile Garden start or Camomile Lawn.
[Simmone:] Thursday isn't it?
[speaker001:] Thursday.
[speaker003:] I keep
[speaker001:] Well
[speaker003:] thinking it's [LAUGHTER] camomile tea []!
[speaker001:] that guy that went on there, I must admit
[speaker004:] I don't envy actually. She's, well we'll do it.
[speaker001:] That was quite good that was.
[speaker004:] No. But she hasn't... but she hasn't
[speaker001:] That's what I'm
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... But one thing abou about her
[speaker001:] Had her hair cut short.
[speaker004:] . What, you mean? Oh my God!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I'd never noticed it or not.
[speaker004:] No, it's
[Simmone:] No, it's sort of lit up.
[speaker003:] What does that say?
[Simmone:] Which, which one was that?
[speaker004:] Well he is!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Is it?
[speaker004:] It is I think. Yeah it is.
[Simmone:] Her hair's tied up the back and it's got on.
[speaker004:] Ah!
[speaker001:] You're alright. It's good.
[speaker004:] It must be his friend.
[Simmone:] She's the one in the black suit?
[speaker004:] The
[speaker003:] Mm.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] They can tell you which way, Henry is taking him on Yeah, it's just that I I'm. on Friday, for work.
[speaker001:] Oh well I
[speaker003:] He's taking him on.
[speaker001:] oh I just laugh at them now.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] And erm
[speaker004:] That's a good point, yeah.
[speaker003:] it re... and he came back after eight years of... of not working there and he came in... hello Barbara! You have half changed now! I thought, Christ! Eight years ago I don't half feel bloody old! Didn't I?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Well, I didn't think, oh well thanks a lot! You know, I thought
[Simmone:] What's that?
[speaker003:] Anyway, they're putting him in disgrace. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Yeah, that's right.
[speaker003:] And that reminded me.
[speaker001:] How, er how come did you get then?
[speaker003:] Well I went grey when I was twenty two.
[Simmone:] Who was that mum?
[speaker003:] But I'd always coloured.
[speaker001:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Did you really? Yeah. Always. Yeah, so you coloured it first of all then. Yeah. And sh, er then you... er coloured I coloured it when I first met you... didn't Yeah. I? Yeah. Yeah, a sort of red colour Been colouring it for years! Yeah. Then you went... usually had it Then I let it all grow out. Yeah. And went my natural... colour... then decided I didn't like it again, then went... back colouring
[speaker004:] Went back again.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] What is your natural colouring?
[speaker003:] Grey. Greyish
[speaker001:] Yes
[speaker003:] Oh!
[speaker001:] but were you before that?
[speaker003:] And white.
[speaker001:] , I mean
[speaker003:] Fair.
[speaker001:] when you went to
[speaker003:] Fair. Yeah.
[speaker001:] Just a little bit grey do you? Just a few grey hairs but
[speaker003:] I was grey here... at twenty two... white grey... at the sides. Barbara, it's a good job you both went out with George again because I mean... Dave's got... well I remember really knowing... with hair... [LAUGHTER] []! [LAUGHTER] One grey, and one false []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] That would have been handy wouldn't it?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Ho, dear! Say, I'm gonna colour mine this week my dear!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Okay? Yes.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] No well... we could have had a matching hair do. [LAUGHTER] Yes []! I tell you what I nearly wa, I nearly did end up like he did, I was frightened at one time! Did you? Yeah. No, it was coming out in great lumps and very big patches. Oh yeah! I just wash right Ooh great big patches like that coming out from here! All round the front. Huge patches! Was it alopecia? Yeah. And of course, the more you worry about it the more it starts er... to come out. And I thought... I could be, be bald by fifty!
[speaker001:] Did you get treatment for it?
[speaker003:] Yeah. Skin tonic and skin.
[speaker004:] That's very good! That's good isn't it?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Just dreadful!
[speaker004:] Really it's done men for good, for years hasn't it?
[speaker003:] Mm.
[speaker001:] Your hair's alright now though isn't it?
[speaker004:] Oh absolutely!
[speaker003:] Yeah, every time. Yeah. But when, once you start that, I mean, you never know it's gonna go
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker003:] I mean I was already bald at the sides.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] And on top... it was terrible, I used to try and comb it a certain way.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]... Lovely!
[speaker003:] Mm?
[speaker004:] Bald. Erm
[speaker003:] Yes. I was.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I used to say it's not fair!
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Is that with a lot of them?
[speaker003:] Yeah it's mainly Yeah, that's right. erm
[speaker004:] Ma ma ma mainly worry.
[speaker003:] They'll be here on the Friday night and then they'll come up to, coming up just for the day on the Saturday.
[speaker004:] Ah!
[speaker003:] But, in the meantime, he'll stay in a sort of.
[speaker001:] Are they staying the night?
[speaker003:] Yeah, they're
[Simmone:] He is, yeah.
[speaker003:] staying
[speaker004:] No!
[speaker003:] Yeah they are.
[Simmone:] Yeah they are.
[speaker001:] They are staying
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] cos they went and booked it in.
[speaker003:] Ah!
[speaker001:] Oh!
[Simmone:] And we got
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Okay.
[speaker003:] So what, they must be saying, staying the Saturday night mustn't they? , yeah.
[speaker001:] I would think erm
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] , excuse me!
[speaker004:] Okay dear.
[speaker003:] He put his posh accent for you. He don't normally say that.
[speaker001:] I'm think.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Simmone, I suppose, I know you've been quiet get yourself!
[speaker003:] She's not talking.
[Simmone:] I'm on the majority of this tape.
[speaker003:] That's alright. You'll be on a lot more of them.... In fact, I would say, we'll not complete it.
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Which is average
[speaker001:] Ooh God!
[speaker003:] for me!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Yes!
[speaker001:] Ah dear!
[speaker003:] Is he Dorset though, Cyril? What Well he is
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] but he won't
[speaker001:] Don't take no notice of them! Make up words recently.
[speaker003:] Mm. What you got a sticky door or I'd say, would mind giving me your name sir? That'll help! [LAUGHTER] Yeah []! We got a foreman at work who is ever so nice, but pleased to meet you.
[speaker004:] Oh, no ooh!
[speaker001:] Do you know I can't understand that!
[speaker003:] You can't see it. You actually have to kinda tell people
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker003:] I mean that's worse.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] But I... I ca like a dog.
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker003:] Isn't it? I just died!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] You know, I mean you're obviously say something. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Yeah I do.
[speaker001:] Only I'm sure children would.
[speaker003:] I
[speaker004:] I say nothing..
[Simmone:] Can I borrow your cardigan?
[speaker003:] Where you off to then?
[Simmone:] A card.
[speaker003:] Why where you going now?
[Simmone:] I'm bored.
[speaker001:] You've all got your clothes on you anyway.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Yeah, Mary's got one the same.
[Simmone:] A little white one.
[speaker003:] That's always been like that. Well you are silly! Three people or something, I dunno what it is.
[speaker004:] No.
[Simmone:] When you clear this we're gonna go into the kitchen, why do you always make out that I don't?
[speaker003:] Trying to get out
[speaker001:] I thought I'd led you... because these two have gone through.
[speaker004:] The birthday.
[speaker001:] Oh yes, yes! The best place would be at the moment... she's got two jobs. And she phoned up the Saturday, on Friday
[speaker003:] She's seeing him, yes.
[speaker001:] Yeah. [cough] You can see him at my final, he's up.
[speaker003:] He does a lot of erm... that variations
[speaker001:] Yes.
[speaker004:] He got the treatment didn't he?
[speaker001:] Yeah. He got a card from before haven't we?
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Mm.
[speaker004:] Get out of here!
[speaker001:] So
[speaker003:] What's happened with them?
[speaker001:] Well he did, he gets two sorts, they're in here... and
[speaker004:] Right.
[speaker001:] and he can put erm... prices on them, you know... erm... getting equipment from this, what a gas, was it?
[speaker003:] Piscoscophy
[speaker001:] Vasectomy. You got, a light goes down and it shows, you know Piscoscophy? Well we don't know
[Simmone:] Mum?
[speaker004:] Gastoscophy.
[speaker003:] Piscoscophy. I thought it was. They sent one down to the hospital didn't they?
[speaker001:] Might be Barb. [music] It just stops him.
[Simmone:] It does then?
[speaker001:] Well actually it jus, he's not having a bad time. He only wants But I said we could join the other, you know that I know.
[speaker003:] And what are they gonna do, is it a hernia?
[speaker001:] Hiatus hernia?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Got to What did you say? straightaway.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Yeah. Two, three four days for him.
[speaker003:] Yeah, they go to the back don't they? Yeah. And they've gotta go right round through that wing cos that's.
[speaker001:] Oh, it wouldn't be so bad but it, I I, I think it comes back again.
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker001:] Are you sure it goes?
[speaker003:] They only to give... well it it was ever so good because I gave him fi, the doctor said, you know I should give him... you know, eat just before five o'clock and you go so... fortunately I was at home before he did... so I thought we'll have something quick then, just had a roll, you know, and I thought well I,i it's not worth worrying about it and sort of
[speaker004:] No, yeah.
[speaker003:] so then the very time he went in... I... you know, took... didn't say anything at all I thought was the best thing.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah, cos and about eight o'clock I said to Robert, shall I phone Georgie up and sort of see if he wants to come home.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] He was meant to phone me up at four []! When's he having it done then? Oh that was just erm That was a while ago? Yes. No, Friday.
[Simmone:] There's erm
[speaker003:] Oh that's awful!
[speaker004:] Hello Cathy. That's
[speaker003:] Oh! what he had the other day. What is it?
[speaker001:] The Karate club.
[speaker003:] The cholesterol. Yeah. Yo you know it.
[speaker001:] Cholesterol.
[speaker003:] Mm.
[speaker004:] I did do that.
[speaker003:] Anyhow, when I got there
[speaker004:] in ages!
[speaker003:] Erm, has anyone had these sort of packets of Fruit and Fibre through their door?
[speaker004:] I got one
[Simmone:] No.
[speaker004:] through the door. Well I
[speaker003:] Yeah, we had them
[speaker001:] Fruit and Fibre.
[speaker003:] we had them months ago.
[speaker001:] Yes, quite a while ago, yeah.
[speaker003:] Months and months ago. Why? Oh we had some about, ooh six weeks ago. Mm. When I got back he'd eaten those so I presu, quite pleased about that. And he said the nurse said, you know,yo... you must have something. So... I get that... sort of thing now.
[speaker001:] You, you're not playing that back to us!
[speaker003:] Can you play it back to us?
[Simmone:] Well I dunno.
[speaker003:] Oh! No?
[speaker004:] Who's on what then? Who was? Do you
[speaker003:] So
[speaker004:] think you will? You drink your wine.
[speaker003:] No. [LAUGHTER] No []! Ooh no!
[Simmone:] Slimline orange please?
[speaker004:] Ah?
[Simmone:] Slimline orange.
[speaker003:] Ooh I say!
[speaker004:] I'll put a few there.
[speaker003:] Alright Sylv, so have I!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I'm alright.
[speaker004:] You'll never get
[speaker003:] I'll take a bottle of erm
[Simmone:] Same one.
[speaker003:] No it's not.
[speaker001:] Oh no!
[speaker004:] Oh Yeah! Yeah, you do. Ooh yeah!
[speaker003:] Alright thanks. I've go got one.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Oh you rotten sods!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah, I bet that's the men about they were talking about again.
[speaker003:] I had Ken get my blood test done... and because of that I
[speaker004:] [clears throat] Ken
[speaker003:] wou wouldn't have got it back since. I don't reckon they show you anything.
[Simmone:] Unless there's something
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] drastically wrong
[speaker003:] I want
[Simmone:] they... do
[speaker003:] No.
[Simmone:] it quick.
[speaker003:] No. If there was anything real badly
[speaker001:] Well I want
[speaker003:] wrong they send for you.
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] I mean, that's sensible.
[speaker004:] They make them up.
[speaker001:] I never felt that would make any difference you know.
[speaker003:] Well I'm glad which. When I went to have it done
[speaker004:] Any better?
[speaker003:] and they fetched me down at the hospital
[speaker001:] What nothing they found?
[speaker003:] Get your bits together Marg. Yeah. So I thought
[speaker004:] Oh yeah!
[speaker003:] well I'll leave it three weeks and then I'll give them a ring. They might know whether they got it back or whether it went. Mm. The next morning... it's back here... and I said well make an appointment to see him then.
[speaker001:] Oh! Cos we saw them walk down the road after, sort of after him and I said
[speaker003:] But I don't think it can be any more than that. So I said to him Oh he's not far away so then?
[speaker004:] No, he's not far away.
[speaker003:] I'm not unduly bothered.
[speaker001:] I like
[speaker003:] It's got about... six bedrooms... well it did have, not about Right. it's got six bedrooms. Yeah. I mean some of them are built in the roof. Mm. Yeah. Well I don't know. The roof's got enough to sort of quarter. A bit amateurish? Well... nobody knows what the rooms are like.
[speaker004:] Just as well we went and rented. But do I just that is... I don't think it makes any bloody difference, as far as that is.
[speaker006:] They won't come to
[speaker003:] It went down.
[speaker006:] eight point seven percent.
[speaker003:] He's an old. Do you know anybody that sort of you know happy Oh yes! Well he's now a qualified doctor. Me an, Me and Gemma and Jane went for walk yesterday... some people we met along the road I di I did it all... and erm
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] so he took some bread down and then popped up to the gate where they... these were sort of quite a way a way, and Gemma said you wait there with Jane and I'll invite those people to come up, you see and erm, I've gotta be a bit cool, went to the table to put some bread there course it an awful and she
[speaker004:] Er,
[speaker003:] oh great, you know, real ransackly sort of place [LAUGHTER] []... o
[speaker004:] Put it on the floor with the
[speaker003:] over where this bloke... and she said, ooh do you mind me feeding the geese here? Oh no! He said, come and see my bantams!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] So Gemma called to us, honestly, she weren't gonna go anywhere first. And he had this huge cat about with the grace of erm... Whiskers there... with these great big waterproof trousers on and all this mud! [LAUGHTER]... Something like in the series of that.
[speaker004:] Oh that's a lovely place! Done lovely!
[speaker003:] Oh well it's a really dirty old shed! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Oh poor poor
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]... He had a goat in there but... th another gate going out could the chicken, you know. And the bantams and all that. So, we soon sort of made our way out through there and this old boy, he was so funny! He must have been around for years but I didn't know what his name was. So he, he went, course he had... us calling... like I'm calling Gemma, Gemma and Jade and... so he is going... calling them by their names! That was so well
[speaker004:] Ah ah!
[speaker003:] so... [LAUGHTER] Gemma said []... have you got any grandchildren? Oh no I'm not the marrying kind. [LAUGHTER] Oh I thought I wonder why []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] He had ducks and bantams and
[speaker006:] Ah Ah!
[speaker003:] you know, but it was all sort of like that.
[speaker004:] Who's that? That's not Mogs is it?
[speaker003:] I wondered who he wa... so we
[speaker006:] That's.
[speaker003:] He reckoned he lived at the corner of or something, so, when I asked him where he lived? I said, I reckon [LAUGHTER] in one of those sheds []! [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] When you go along... a, just before you turn round as if a, you're going towards Lumsbury they're two pairs of semi-detached. I was born in
[speaker003:] They're quite big actually up there!
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] I, we walked down, back down through there.
[speaker006:] I was born in one of the semi-detached, but I don't know which one it was, it must have been one of the not the first or the fourth it must have been one of those in the middle, but I'm not sure which one it was.
[speaker003:] No I woul, yeah I suppose, quite a few
[speaker006:] Cos I was two when we left there.
[speaker003:] there I wouldn't like to sort of say.
[speaker006:] But it's just two pairs of semi-det
[speaker003:] What, do they call, Happy Bottom
[speaker006:] No, leads to Happy Bottom
[speaker003:] Is that the Happy Bottom where Lamb's Green is.
[speaker006:] No.
[speaker003:] No you sor... Pi, yeah, leads to, or there's a walk, just down the back of them there's
[speaker006:] Leads through Happy Bottom then, then Road.
[speaker003:] You walk down this sort of, you go through some woods and... this is how we ended up where these geese
[speaker006:] Mm.
[speaker003:] were. But the neighbour had told her where they were she's an animal.
[speaker006:] You see, that was all school when I was a kid because we went to school in a chapel... for part of the war. I mean di, you know where the concentration camp was do you? Where the Italians were?
[speaker003:] No, no.
[speaker006:] We'll have to go, walk round there one day and see if we can find this old man!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker006:] And I,si there was a concentration camp for the Italians and they were really smashing to us! They... oh in the same school
[speaker003:] That's where my dad was and they made my mother Oh I didn't know your dad was Italian.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] But you would never guess would really! No, he would... hide there and he used to go and have to control them Mm. ... They were really, really nice!
[speaker006:] Well I mean as far we were concerned
[speaker003:] And one prisoner made mum a beautiful wooden ironing board!
[speaker006:] Yeah, they used to make baskets
[speaker003:] Absolutely beautiful!
[speaker006:] give baskets, baskets, hanging bas
[speaker003:] Gosh! It was good!
[speaker006:] Yeah!
[speaker003:] Yeah. She was absolutely thrilled! She that one.
[speaker006:] Yeah. Get anything you want
[speaker003:] Lovely it was!
[speaker006:] And the day erm... V day you could hear them all cheering out there!
[speaker003:] It's lovely innit?
[speaker004:] Ah!
[speaker003:] Probably, during the war we did quite well, what with the black Americans because they were stationed at the towers... and they used to give us kids chocolates and
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] and er... I had a special
[speaker006:] Handy!
[speaker003:] friend Charlie... and er... my dad used to get so cross with me! Kept, and I didn't have any chocolate, well I was only a kid, but
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] I didn't know... and he used to say
[speaker004:] Well really it was policeman wasn't it?
[speaker003:] he said... one of these days he said he'll wanna come and see your mother! Well I couldn't see why he couldn't [LAUGHTER] []! [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] That was too dry was it?
[speaker008:] That won't do you any harm!
[speaker006:] No!
[speaker008:] Won't, won't affect your slimming.
[speaker003:] No, not at all. Slimming? Should have seen what she put away
[speaker004:] Yeah,.
[speaker003:] today! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] Oh, no that's er
[speaker004:] See you o Mo, see you on Monday!
[speaker008:] that's yours.
[Simmone:] Yes.
[speaker006:] Yeah, that's right.
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] You haven't told Albert you're slimming have you?
[Simmone:] I haven't.
[speaker003:] I should hope not, we've brought
[Simmone:] I haven't
[speaker003:] that roast in today. Oh, if it's an old facial thing she's getting real... fatter?
[Simmone:] No.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] No, she's not, she's getting a grown up face on her. Yes, yes.
[speaker004:] No she's... got a serious face
[speaker006:] Cos, you are a grown up now aren't you? Oh she's fifteen coming on sixteen is she?
[speaker003:] Yeah, she's got a National... what's it You'll be sixteen going on twenty!
[Simmone:] Yeah, I've got a my my insurance number now
[speaker003:] National Insurance number.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Oh you've got your National Insurance
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] number now? Yeah. There's to work for you my girl.
[speaker004:] Oh she's
[speaker003:] Aha.
[speaker004:] got it now? Aha.
[speaker003:] Salaries and holidays and that thing.
[speaker006:] And ma, make you pay your pension book this year.
[speaker004:] Mhm.
[speaker006:] Just ask the old girls to make their... and say well I want your National Insurance numbers? Now, now where is that? I say, it's on your pension book. Is it? I didn't know!
[speaker004:] I know... mine off by heart.
[speaker003:] Do you? What your National Insurance Do you? number.
[speaker004:] If they want to know I know exactly what number it is.
[speaker003:] Do you? Do you?
[speaker004:] [national insurance number]
[speaker003:] Well I gave my dad's to put, I gave dad his to take to hospital you see. And he says, what are you giving me that for? It's no good! And I said it was! How is he at the moment Marg? What time's he getting up now? It's quite a nice day today. Oh yes! When I got up this morning, I nearly died! I got out the bed at five and twenty to eleven and the curtains were still drawn and I thought oh my God! So, I opened the door and I was so pleased when he answered, you know. [LAUGHTER] He said, just at the right time he decided that he can't get bath any more. Well that's not a problem. I said to him yesterday... wash all your important little places and I'll do the rest, you know. So when I got there this morning he was... still in his pyjamas he'd got on quite well, all he wanted me to do was wash his face.
[speaker008:] Would you like another drink? Would you like some more
[speaker003:] Er
[speaker008:] drink?
[speaker003:] he wasn't too bad but he's
[speaker004:] No, I'm alright.
[speaker003:] still, he can't say anything, the pain's there all the time.
[speaker006:] No, they're alright Bill.
[speaker003:] But with a bit of luck we'll know tomorrow.
[speaker006:] We're all okay here.
[speaker003:] Oh yeah, the results of your X- ray. Mm.
[speaker006:] How's you Bill, alright?
[speaker008:] Do you want any more to drink?
[speaker006:] No thank you darling, no thanks
[speaker003:] No thanks. My round.
[speaker006:] Bill.
[speaker003:] One pint of.
[speaker008:] Aye. Can't get any more drinks now!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Oh oh, oh no []!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Well we might have offered []!
[speaker003:] Do you use nail clippers on him? Mm.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah. I use them on Dave's mums finger Oh! nails. ! She goes, oh no you need to, don't get back, she don't keep her hands still!
[speaker006:] Don't think much of that!
[speaker003:] When they get old they're all... sort of Oh! [LAUGHTER] wriggly []! Yeah. And I file my dad's But for him. they came sort of without [LAUGHTER] []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I said to him all the, you know his... his nail
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] and I reckon I washed
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] []
[speaker003:] a pair of black feet the other... and I thought my God,! Oh God! Really? I really thought it was that bad!
[speaker006:] What they were that black! What you think it was gangrene? Oh my God!
[speaker003:] I thought oh Christ! Bloody hell!
[speaker006:] Did you put Dettol in the water?
[speaker003:] The toes are gonna come off in a minute?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Oh oh, how awful! But they didn't. I don't have any ruddy or anything
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] like that. I'd collapse if they did!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] It'd be awful wouldn't it?
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Ooh ooh []!
[speaker003:] You could have said this little piggy went to market! [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] How dreadful!
[speaker003:] It's one he [LAUGHTER] []! He don't fe, he don't feel nothing now. No, course they can't feel it can they? [LAUGHTER] I thought about popping out to []! [LAUGHTER]... Urgh! It's gonna come off
[speaker004:] It's gonna com yeah.
[speaker003:] in a minute! Oh! Tony was talking about how cold I am. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] We've got this old boy that comes to me, often she's told us his hands are rotten, that it's all yellow and horrible! Er... I said to George you know, you've gotta remember these things. If anything happens to that man they'll know he's alright except for tidy.
[speaker003:] Must be awful mustn't
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] it? There's one man I'd like to take care of though.
[speaker006:] That women's seventy and a day and she's got the body of a young girl!
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] She's got a lovely bod, lovely body!
[speaker008:] Is that right?
[speaker006:] Beautiful!
[speaker008:] Got a lot of it!
[speaker006:] You know, she really has! Got a lovely body!
[speaker004:] Really she's.
[speaker006:] What she us,u used to watch.
[speaker003:] Yeah because her...
[speaker006:] is lovely! She's got a young body.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] That's strange Mon! And no wrinkles on the body at all! I mean
[speaker004:] Did you try her firms and
[speaker003:] Well no, that's alright.
[speaker006:] I'm having my leg pulled here!
[speaker003:] Probably hadn't been in the sun at all! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Absolutely lovely body! Got a beautiful body!
[speaker003:] Well that Ethel's in her seventies and, you see her in just towel wrapped round her and she could wear a
[speaker008:] Round her head wear them.
[speaker003:] strapless anything. Mm!
[speaker004:] Mind you, Val looks
[speaker003:] She looks really good! Really? Yeah, but I'd say it's because she's a
[speaker006:] Have she
[speaker003:] little bit plump. Yeah, but she's firm though Marg! In a way No, I don't doubt it.
[speaker006:] Well there's no wrinkles.
[speaker003:] And there's no wrinkles or fat involved and... everything about her is her. Yeah.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[Simmone:] She wouldn't be here
[speaker006:] We're hopeful of that part!
[Simmone:] would she?
[speaker003:] Dunno. Yeah, she came on Saturday.
[speaker006:] I was telling her about
[speaker003:] You alright?
[speaker006:] that, about Bobby's!
[speaker003:] Rang up last night
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] so I gotta ring her Wednesday. Yeah. So we don't actually say the same what we're like it should be alright I suppose. But if you went up When you go and down!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] When yo, when you go up and down, yeah!
[speaker008:] You're alright aren't you?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] You've nothing to worry about.
[speaker006:] It's when you go up and up, you worry!
[speaker003:] Wha wha wha kind of a seagull [LAUGHTER] is this []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] When you set off breathe out.
[speaker003:] I'm not lifting my jumper up Bill!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] If he expected a skirt,
[Simmone:] Oh!
[speaker003:] he's just about got it! I hope you're planning to bring that down when I got sunburnt you you thought that you'd been cheated didn't you?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Oh I know I've been cheated! [LAUGHTER]... Just as well as a can't fi, throw it over my shoulder! [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Didn't you have the same figure after you had a boys then Sylv, er Mary? No, I as flat as a pancake until I had her! I've never lost an inch off my bust now. No. Oh well! But when I was at, you know, when I was a, when I was sort of feeding, cor! [LAUGHTER] The best I've ever been []!... and they went back. I never got When they first I sort of lost weight, I was sort of you know, at all. actually weighed anything, the little bit I had! No! I came back up They came straight and I stayed there. Never lost an inch! Didn't you? Nope! I was a thirty two A. Whe, the day I got married I was a thirty two A A Yeah. which is a very flat one.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] I'm now up to a thirty four B... and I've been a thirty four B ever since then. Mm. And I never went down again. I can get back up to about a thirty eight now. and I hate it! Yeah!
[speaker004:] Done you a bit good
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker004:] in some ways I bet!
[speaker003:] It has hasn't it? God! And now, I think to myself, well... and inch off wouldn't be bad.
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] But I wouldn't wanna go back to a thirty two A... not really. Not as big as I am down here cos you wouldn't look right would you?
[speaker006:] I'm bottom heavy.
[speaker003:] Yeah, so am I Sylve.
[speaker006:] Can you just imagine anyone like... top heavy?
[speaker003:] That doesn't bother me. When I was young I had
[speaker006:] Dolly Parton?
[speaker001:] Oh!
[speaker004:] Well then, that's something that you see.
[speaker003:] Well you, like that. It is isn't it?
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Yeah! And you find, can you imagine anybody trying to do that these days?
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker008:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Must be! I think she's going to always fall over all the [LAUGHTER] time really []! Yeah.
[speaker004:] Well tell you what, she would never get up would she?
[speaker006:] No.
[speaker003:] No.
[speaker004:] You know, she'd
[speaker003:] isn't it? Yeah. You can have without the honey, you know.
[speaker004:] Oh yeah!
[speaker006:] You know they're back?
[speaker003:] Are they back?
[speaker004:] Are they back alright?
[speaker006:] Yeah. Yeah.
[speaker004:] I mean they were supposed back.
[speaker003:] Well that's gone quickly, quick to me but it's probably
[speaker004:] That'll them won't it?
[speaker003:] just as.
[speaker004:] Well!
[speaker006:] It must be them. Well you, it must be.
[speaker003:] I dunno, you, he said erm
[speaker006:] I think it was.
[speaker003:] Was it?
[speaker006:] Mm.
[speaker003:] Aha!
[speaker004:] I thought it was last week?
[speaker003:] So... seven weeks he said it was.
[speaker004:] No, last weekend.
[speaker003:] And yet
[speaker004:] Well it's seven weeks last Thursday. They did something with Miss.
[Simmone:] So is that them?
[speaker003:] Yeah. Ah yeah! Ya! That's them!
[speaker004:] They went the twenty seventh didn't they?
[speaker003:] That's what they said or something.
[Simmone:] Aha.
[speaker004:] And er
[speaker003:] But he doesn't look exceptionally brown though. He's alright for the Donnington No. Grand Prix. No. Do he? He looks a bit
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] Er, May isn't it?
[speaker003:] I thought he would have been a real deep brown actually.
[speaker004:] Yeah, that's right.
[speaker003:] We're going in there.
[speaker006:] Is it?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] On Sunday. This is nice isn't it!
[speaker003:] So it's the fourth time then? Yes. Yeah.
[speaker006:] And we come back on the thirteenth.
[speaker003:] Yeah, we go out the day of the
[speaker006:] And we've booked the taxi.
[speaker003:] Monaco... Have you?
[speaker006:] Yeah. Although, I sa, but I hope they've got the right day! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] So we're getting on with it then?
[speaker003:] Er er, we go out the day of the Monaco Everything's done now. Grand Prix. We just gotta get there.
[speaker006:] Do you?
[speaker003:] Ooh do you?
[speaker006:] What date
[speaker003:] Yep.
[speaker006:] do you go then?
[speaker003:] The day of the Monaco Grand Prix! On Dave's birthday. On Dave's birthday.
[speaker006:] On the thirty first?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] Do you?
[speaker003:] I've put it in
[speaker006:] Dave's birthday?
[speaker003:] my diary, I've go wrote it in my diary, I got Dave's birthday.
[speaker001:] What you off on holiday?
[speaker003:] Yeah, with Marg
[speaker006:] For two weeks?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Well that gotta be... weeks now innit?
[speaker003:] Oh yeah! That's right! In June.
[speaker004:] April
[speaker003:] March
[speaker004:] May.
[Simmone:] Think
[speaker003:] Well
[Simmone:] of me while you're
[speaker003:] three months.
[Simmone:] over there doing my G C S E's [LAUGHTER] please []!
[speaker003:] Oh! Ah!
[speaker004:] Oh God!
[speaker006:] Oh you're waiting for them
[Simmone:] I've had my exams
[speaker006:] are you?
[Simmone:] ages!
[speaker003:] Is that right? I haven't counted it No. Mary.
[speaker004:] One, two, three
[Simmone:] So it's dreadful!
[speaker003:] Fourteen. That's the pay arrears I got.
[speaker004:] Fourteen, yes.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Yeah, cos we're not to the end of Feb yet are we?
[speaker003:] Yeah. Fourteen.
[speaker006:] Where are you lot going?
[speaker003:] But it doesn't take long does it?
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker003:] It'll It's fly by. between Nice and
[Simmone:] Oh,
[speaker004:] I've gotta say.
[Simmone:] It's very nice! It's very nice!
[speaker004:] Well no, they'll be go Christmas time when
[Simmone:] Think all this time
[speaker003:] When you start what date did
[Simmone:] Erm
[speaker003:] you start?
[Simmone:] the eighteenth. I've got my orals on the eighteenth, nineteenth, and twentieth
[speaker004:] Of May?
[Simmone:] Yeah. Then I get half term for a week... and then... my actual exams start.
[speaker003:] As I said to you've have this half term off... from now on from tomorrow she's got to start
[Simmone:] My first exam I've got is June the fourth. And I've got two on the fourth, one on the tenth, and one on the eleventh, so the last
[speaker003:] You've got your orals in May.
[Simmone:] Yeah, May the eighteenth, nineteenth
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] and twentieth. I will probably have had my French actual one... in May. So... definitely haven't had the
[speaker003:] So you've got to start revising now.
[Simmone:] ones back. We've had the seven exam in the erm
[speaker003:] Isn't that clear? Is that your gateaux?
[Simmone:] No it's Shelley's.
[speaker003:] Well don't eat it all then!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Is it, isn't it clear that I get Yeah. It's very clear.
[speaker006:] Is it very dry, exceptionally dry?
[Simmone:] [whispering] It is []!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Well don't speak then? She can't remember what the last one [LAUGHTER] tastes like []!
[speaker004:] brown innit?
[speaker006:] Yeah, it's nice, but... very dry.
[speaker003:] It's quite nice.
[speaker006:] Yes.
[Simmone:] This one here has really dropped the whole of my particulars on her own!
[speaker003:] I think that's disgusting! Not on my own!
[Simmone:] Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
[speaker003:] Have you saw anything?
[Simmone:] Ha! Ha! Ha! Five to two!
[speaker006:] Ha, well who gave you a particulars then? Or did you buy a bit?
[speaker003:] No, she didn't! I bought it.
[speaker006:] Mm. Oh well you can't blame her for not
[Simmone:] No, you didn't, dad did!
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] I did!
[Simmone:] Dad said I could have an order! You bought the.
[speaker003:] Let's have this... knife. Yeah. She's got it wrong.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Good job I haven't
[speaker006:] Oh look over there! Th there erm they erm
[speaker004:] I went back into
[speaker006:] came to the office.
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]... Don't you think they're only using that as Well yeah! apart from having it on
[speaker004:] Urgh! No.
[speaker003:] There was all the mail And th the thing is, but, you know piled on it beside it. I don't know how I'm gonna. ... Well!
[speaker004:] So you weren't
[speaker003:] Got
[speaker004:] any help?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] I just cannot have her today as well!
[speaker003:] You never heard anything from... what's his name? Robbie, about... going into London did you? Yeah, it's alright.
[speaker004:] Not a word.
[speaker003:] No, not a word.
[speaker004:] Not a word!
[speaker003:] But he sa, he said he's not going any more. Yeah! Who was talking of going to work for a different firm then? I thought it was you? No. No. He and, erm a the other bloke are still there.
[speaker004:] The chap who tried to call, the one watching it?
[speaker003:] Behind, yep. Yeah, he's still there. I was gonna say er... somebody told me that he'd left and I thought it was you cos nobody would. No, he's still here. I got it wrong, yeah. Yeah, could have been me Marg. Could have easily been me. Do you think you'd better aim for the winter now? I would, definitely. Yeah.
[speaker006:] Personally, maybe we just
[speaker003:] Did I tell you what's happened? They sent you all notes on
[Simmone:] Well it's quite naughty
[speaker003:] and then you won't
[Simmone:] cos Goodwood's sorted isn't it?
[speaker003:] you'll expect that they... The coach was burnt out down in Beatmore, if you remember... and then the... the police... took them August there
[speaker006:] Di, no,th October.
[speaker003:] police took him in that night cos they thought he'd burnt it out himself. And it's taken all this time, it's gone to court and all the rest of it, and they haven't got a case. So, they couldn't do anything in the meantime. I should think Well they that was genuine. the banks wo wouldn't let me have extra money or anything like that. Oh! They're trying to get somewhere now... with the police but... it could have happened anywhere! No it's alright! But this, this bloke has sort of said, ooh he said, apparently one of the blokes... that were working for him said... that he had overheard him saying they were gonna burn the coach out. Oh! And if this chap said, the one that took it that night, he said there is no point in him doing it because he didn't have the coaches insured for enough.
[speaker004:] No. No.
[speaker003:] He took this bloke in, he didn't have a job. Isn't it mean? Mm. You know the er It is. Cou po, could possibly
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] going on the what not.
[speaker006:] And did this chap do it?
[speaker003:] They don't know who did it.
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker003:] They tried to make Jim had done his own coach, the one that took us over
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] there.
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] But he le, they let him go off on holiday in the end. It wa it was the night before they went on holiday. How depressing Marg! I mean I can understand it in this day and age, people trying to
[speaker004:] Get their money back.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Get their money from insurance policies and try and make their money back I suppose what it really amounts to, it's probably someone who's in the same line of business... and they're trying to get the best way aren't they? Mm. But it's a nasty business isn't it?
[speaker004:] I know.
[speaker003:] That's, you moving about?
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah []!
[speaker003:] I'm reading.
[speaker004:] I'm gonna be here all night with that little red book waiting for me to come over!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Alright, thanks!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Dave, this is your life!
[speaker004:] Sorry!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] This is []
[speaker003:] And you're more number in her little red book! I tell you what though Marg
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] Dave's got a job pretty well hasn't he?
[speaker006:] I've done it.
[speaker003:] Yeah, I saw it last week here as well! lo, lot shorter otherwise he'll be complaining his ears are growing too high! But that... if he won't sit there very often Marg, then I suppose I'd do anything.
[speaker004:] Your business is my business. Oh I see!
[speaker003:] Which was the last time I did George's was the day when I came down.
[speaker001:] Well it's Mr you see, he goes out at twelve o'clock on a Sunday and doesn't get in till quarter to four.
[speaker004:] Work!
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] Work!
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Well down right
[speaker004:] Oh the there are you see!
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Oh well it's gotta be then, here's a taxi.
[speaker003:] Oh right! Yeah.
[speaker001:] They might.
[speaker004:] Well you've had that!
[speaker001:] I've had that.
[speaker004:] Bleeding yes!!
[speaker001:] Oh right!
[speaker003:] Oh right, this is your life!
[Simmone:] Mum told me off!
[speaker004:] Not now.
[Simmone:] Twenty five past.
[speaker004:] Not now.
[speaker001:] I'll pick up
[speaker003:] I'm on Wednesday.
[speaker004:] Ah ah!
[speaker003:] She's just determined to find out who
[speaker006:] Twenty fourth of March.
[speaker003:] Yeah. So who this bloke is?
[speaker006:] So that's not this week
[speaker003:] It might be
[speaker006:] that's next week?
[speaker004:] No, it'll be Bill.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Now who, what was that then?
[speaker004:] That'll be easy, watch this. Is that right?
[speaker003:] That's right. Yeah, I usually watch, usually watch that. I don't usually watch it. But I don't watch it Don't you? No.
[speaker004:] I'll put hands in, I find out.
[speaker003:] You can?
[speaker004:] There's nothing wicked.
[speaker003:] I understand that you found out
[speaker004:] But it's e eon Something like
[speaker003:] that was
[speaker004:] that.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] I might not watch it.
[speaker003:] Yo you don't think she's got any
[speaker006:] Wait a minute.
[speaker003:] we think it's a
[speaker004:] Oh,a do you?
[speaker003:] boring, then we looked to see what's on the other side, but... for some reason she was talking don't they? Or time until they Do you watch er Noel Edmonds? you see coming off the... th there's a straight bit... erm, but she was very friendly with this woman's mother
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker003:] but the daughter still keeps in touch with her. She's just written to her to say that she's on This is Your Life on the... third or fourth of March, whatever it is
[speaker006:] Oh!
[speaker003:] and her son-in-law is an actor but Mrs doesn't know who he is, what his name is
[speaker004:] Oh!
[speaker003:] so to speak... so she's written and told her whereabouts she's sitting [LAUGHTER] and everything so []
[speaker004:] That girl is daft
[speaker003:] but he wa
[speaker004:] that's all I can say!
[speaker003:] she don't usually, but she will be that night.
[speaker004:] She'll remember won't she?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker004:] He'll remind
[speaker003:] That's right!
[speaker004:] her again
[speaker003:] Ye oh
[speaker004:] so
[speaker003:] she'll remember. Yeah.
[speaker004:] I think I saw you with her Wednesday.
[speaker003:] You probably did. Yeah.
[speaker004:] I thought ooh! That looks like Joannie's old car! I was waiting for the bus.
[speaker003:] Were you?
[speaker004:] I thought... ooh! There's another woman in
[speaker003:] Where were you?
[speaker004:] there!
[speaker003:] In Robson's
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Oh yeah! [LAUGHTER] She can't miss
[speaker004:] Getting her pension.
[speaker003:] it out can she []!
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker003:] Oh, is this local you went? [LAUGHTER] She []! In Lidmouth Yeah. Does anyone watch Noel Edmonds on a Saturday night?
[Simmone:] I watched it from where he gets
[speaker003:] I do watch some of it.
[Simmone:] Timmy Mallet up onwards.
[speaker003:] You know where they go round
[Simmone:] Yes.
[speaker003:] to people's houses? I didn't see it cos we fell asleep. I caught a bit of it on and we sat down and went to sleep.
[speaker004:] Yeah. And you've gotta guess who's
[speaker003:] But what happened on Saturday?
[speaker004:] house it is.
[speaker003:] What were they doing? No, they, go the, you know, it might be your living room, they just put
[speaker004:] Oh I see!
[Simmone:] Oh yeah!
[speaker003:] This week with those... swimmers they were, those two women put a peg on their nose and had their swimming hats on and was doing the act of swimming in the lane?
[speaker006:] No! [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] No [].
[speaker003:] Apparently erm, they often do this and of course, they sort of went into their home and... got this girl with her friend and they sort of put the pegs on their noses and have these sort of... rubber hats with those Yeah. , you know, like they do and they sort of pretend they're
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker003:] they pretend they're swimming
[speaker006:] Oh!
[speaker003:] don't they?
[Simmone:] Yeah!
[speaker004:] What, and weren't they?
[speaker003:] Yeah. Well you know, she was just sat there in the chair... and they said that they You wouldn't believe it! came into this room. Would you? No! And sort of And they danced. they sort of, they danced... you know, like they we, they would... and sort of, getting ever so silly about it actually! And they [LAUGHTER] I know []!
[Simmone:] Cos they did like
[speaker003:] They didn't say anything.
[Simmone:] song person, that... last week, and... Terry... weeks ago. His wife set him up cos he... he's always the one
[speaker003:] Oh! The one, oh yeah! Oh right!
[Simmone:] everybody else. Yeah.
[speaker003:] When he had roly-polys in.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Whe, that was the one. Yeah.
[Simmone:] Cos he hated fat people.
[speaker003:] Yeah. Yeah, he hated fat people.
[speaker004:] And they're all round and they're
[speaker003:] And he hated the gunge tank.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] []!
[speaker003:] He hated the gunge bit as well.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] Like when they went out in the garden and they put Yeah. the gunge on him as well.
[speaker006:] What's that? I haven't
[Simmone:] No he
[speaker006:] watched that.
[speaker003:] Does anybody else know
[speaker006:] That er, that's his.
[speaker003:] what's happening on March the second?
[Simmone:] Oh [LAUGHTER] yes []!
[speaker003:] I'm glad about that.
[Simmone:] Strange advert I saw in the week it... it was erm
[speaker003:] I
[Simmone:] i
[speaker003:] haven't seen it.
[Simmone:] it was something about March the second, it was just a clip...
[speaker003:] Pancake day is it?
[Simmone:] No, it's the
[speaker003:] Oh!
[Simmone:] the Monday! This is the second!
[speaker003:] It's a Monday is it? Oh it's a Monday. Okay, go on.
[Simmone:] Tuesday's the third. And in, it said there's, find out all you want know or much better being put.
[speaker003:] Ah?
[Simmone:] And this came up about three times! And it hasn't been
[speaker003:] On television?
[Simmone:] on since. Yeah! But it came up about three times!
[speaker003:] Well I got in Friday and she goes, ooh! Look at the adverts mum! And then my programme caught the advert.
[Simmone:] Yeah, it really puzzled me!
[speaker003:] No, I reckon the advert Yeah, I've seen it.
[Simmone:] You'll have to watch on
[speaker003:] Watch it then. Yeah. So something's obviously happening.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker003:] But she hadn't found out what.
[Simmone:] It was just a clipping of it. It had... it sor... it was sort of like the Body Shop sort of theme, but it's not the Body theme. It... you know th, their green symbol with the black
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] in it? Well it's green and it's got cream in it, but it's not the exact symbol of the Body Shop,i... a bit different. It's weird! It's just really puzzling me! I don't know what it is.
[speaker003:] . Oh they're recording us.
[Simmone:] What's it for?
[speaker003:] What?
[speaker006:] You wanna put it on the table where it's actually.
[speaker003:] Right, just put it on the table and leave it! No you can't. I'll put it on the table, then leave it! If I had what?
[Simmone:] What behind?
[speaker003:] Yeah. So there you'll pass all round.
[speaker006:] Oh nice!
[Simmone:] I thought I'd do a tape then mum.
[speaker008:] Not gonna be
[Simmone:] Okay?
[speaker008:] worth going out. You get endorsement!
[speaker004:] Have they?
[speaker008:] Oh I went like hell then didn't I? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] At least they've gone light and we can hammer along.
[speaker004:] I didn't think you could. No! [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Ought to have a floor manager or something.
[speaker004:] Aye up! That's okay for them... we'll be able to fix something on.
[Simmone:] Often get many of them, don't worry!
[speaker001:] Mostly for the cross both sides.
[Simmone:] Are you coming out tomorrow night?
[speaker001:] What you going erm
[Simmone:] Going to the Legion.
[speaker001:] I dunno.
[Simmone:] Legion... Legion.
[speaker003:] Alright.
[Simmone:] Legion tomorrow night.
[speaker001:] Well I paid my dues. I paid, I paid er... well I'm not off, but I... I'll put something towards it. Oh I see!
[speaker004:] You got something... a have you put something towards it?
[speaker001:] Yeah. I think by Christmas you'll have had anything
[speaker004:] Ha!
[speaker001:] going. Cost a fortune it does!
[speaker004:] Well if you will give the money to Albert!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Give it to Albert, and he'll
[speaker001:] Albert don't come down Friday night.
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] You'll have to try these. Well you should have left them for me really.
[speaker004:] Yeah. We didn't unfortunately. We didn't ask, but he said not to.
[speaker001:] Yeah, I know where it is! Se seeing him... later on.
[speaker004:] How much now?
[speaker003:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker008:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Should have given us the money, money.
[speaker001:] No, we're coming out tomorrow night then!
[speaker004:] Oh no!
[speaker001:] Don't you go getting with all friends from the Legion?
[speaker004:] Don't they, yeah you'll play in the Legion won't you? Ah?
[speaker001:] Ah?
[speaker004:] In here. Yeah.
[speaker001:] Yeah, I might... I might have a wander o over there.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] You don't want me to come and see how you're getting on do you? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] You might be able to unpack Bob for us.
[Simmone:] Yes.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Well, from what I know he didn't get no money after that! Well, really that's no problem at all Ken! [LAUGHTER] I can do that dead easy!
[Simmone:] Yeah, but you gotta be down here early enough for that to see him.
[speaker001:] He goes on number one don't he? Does he?
[Simmone:] Ah, we got class here! I'm coming along anyway... Friday. No we'll beat them then! No doubt.
[speaker001:] But wha when I was, you weren't around when we played them then were you?
[Simmone:] Cos I didn't come, I was ill. I was ill. I was ill. I had a... we... we should be in there.
[speaker004:] But they said we lost it.
[speaker001:] But, no to play, you did.
[speaker004:] No.
[speaker001:] And after that I I... you know, seeing him again and he he's not a player
[speaker003:] He's unbeaten champion.
[speaker004:] No he's not. Well... he.
[speaker001:] Yeah, but he doesn't play against he doesn't play with us does he?
[speaker004:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] He's Well look and see what's in the way then.
[speaker004:] Is he gonna play with us.
[speaker001:] Well he was up against me and he knew it. He knew it! No, I'll be going,.
[Simmone:] He's good too! Good player! Bit of a, bit of a good darts player.
[speaker004:] Well he's a county player isn't he Albert?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Reasonable player. I mean he scored well in the
[speaker004:] Yeah. Really, the way I look at it... he
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] He say, he said he's a fu, he's a terrible player and he played against Bob and I... and we had... we want... two double.
[speaker004:] Move over.
[speaker001:] Well that's it. Mind, that's that's what I like about that bloody. [LAUGHTER] Come and kiss the!
[speaker008:] You, you!
[Simmone:] Now you're being rude!
[speaker004:] Right, right.
[Simmone:] Yeah and
[speaker008:] That's what I like.
[speaker001:] No, you you put your own, David down there.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Yeah. I think that, I mean they still got the different, if you're playing... like a shot...
[speaker001:] I think you do. I think you do because
[speaker004:] I mean, we got nine players... and... once you've drawn that out... you either leap forward by
[Simmone:] What about the places you go to put eight or nine.
[speaker004:] eight singles and that's that problem. But you can. You could have a coming around every week and two you don't get it. And you talk about buying them young, you can... got them, cos he knows....
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] .
[Simmone:] With you coming in, nobody knows they're at the gate.
[speaker004:] No, I I see what you mean.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Alright! I like the. today... do you get four at home and four away.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] And that goes on aggregate... on the night, yeah?
[speaker004:] Yes.
[Simmone:] And the, as we got our own side... they can, they can win... perhaps they just... around
[speaker004:] I'll do it.
[Simmone:] the way going back they got before. Whereas me and you got a team together, you said forty two playing league and four playing here and four playing a league game.
[speaker004:] That's right, yes.
[Simmone:] So you got.
[speaker004:] Oh no you do, you... no, no!
[speaker008:] Well yes.
[speaker004:] Well... no, no, no. You play...... four on the team... the four on the team play a go right? Then, whichever played a one... that game... go away again. Yeah.
[Simmone:] So you've got the same?
[speaker001:] !
[Simmone:] Yes, alright then.
[speaker004:] Then you play, you play yo... you play four singles... four singles, four singles and two doubles.
[Simmone:] I was thinking you played. I mean they go away, I mean... the six always played at the back. but everybody else is. Brian was saying, he said... you going in with your... he said and we'll lose that, he said he should play his best bloody
[speaker004:] Well yeah.
[Simmone:] six you've got!
[speaker004:] But darts don't work like that.
[Simmone:] If you're going to win you gotta play you're best six.
[speaker004:] That's right. That's right. You've got to, but... then again, you know
[Simmone:] Unless you're not bothered. Unless, unless, unless, unless you won and then you get best.
[speaker004:] Well no, you ge if you won and give the rest a game.
[Simmone:] See we're not bothered. We're, we're, I mean we're not... we're not that bothered... really.... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Yeah, but no... could we? I mean
[Simmone:] Well we could, we could help you
[speaker004:] I mean we want, we want... well, to tell you truth, we shall won on that, we won on that occasion. I put on, I put on my best two doubles haven't I? And left... left
[Simmone:] Well I only said whatever you want to do. Do you wanna go up for suit.
[speaker001:] I said, that's all we want.
[speaker004:] Now, you know
[Simmone:] We go out to win on the night, we're playing tomorrow
[speaker004:] Exactly!
[Simmone:] and we go out to win.
[speaker004:] Everybody goes on about.
[Simmone:] If we win without it, we come in the first five that's all well and good.
[speaker001:] We you go out, do you go out to win?
[speaker004:] Everybody
[speaker001:] But
[speaker004:] does that.
[speaker001:] you don't argue about it. If we lose, we lose. You don't, I mean I'd like to win it every bloody week but, I'd be chuffed. I'd be as happy as a dog with two dicks! I mean they stopped us Friday didn't they? They thought it would stop us didn't they? You thought it would stop us as good as they did.
[speaker004:] What, seven two was it
[speaker001:] Six
[speaker004:] or
[speaker001:] No, six.
[speaker004:] two.
[Simmone:] one of them.
[speaker004:] Mm.
[speaker001:] I mean we played good, but just... couldn't get out and they did.
[Simmone:] Well the door was open and nobody were worried about that.
[speaker001:] Don't you remember that thirty doubles.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] What, they got it? They got it?
[Simmone:] The only worry about that was Brian.
[speaker008:] Yes, you're right. Yeah!
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] Played out of his skin again.
[speaker001:] But er... he, I had some.
[Simmone:] Played, he played out of his bloody skin till half way.
[speaker001:] He couldn't of played as many, he'd have bloody
[speaker004:] Well that was.
[speaker001:] But the Cos he hasn't got any.
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER] That, I sort of said []... who was it?
[speaker001:] He plays like you said.
[speaker004:] I was going to old Chris, I said... I said he should play in the class. He's quite a good player. I said, he eats about a as much [LAUGHTER] as much as like a corn packet []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Ah, Brian, Brian, David has never met you.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] And he went
[speaker001:] He would be on the, good that hole! Good that hole!
[speaker004:] And he went bump, bump, bump... took the prize down and I said, and I walked past... we... said like, to his mate Chris, I said, he's improved a damn sight more... than I'd have thought.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker004:] Er... yeah, I'm waiting on the dole tomorrow honey. I'll get the work soon enough.
[speaker001:] Well they've only two pairs. They got Bob, the
[speaker004:] Bob.
[speaker001:] oldest player... who ever
[Simmone:] Neil, you can wear the green card.
[speaker001:] Yeah! No, they've. I always get that, that.
[speaker004:] No! No! No! Neither has Robbie.
[speaker001:] Thank you.
[Simmone:] She'll be there.
[speaker001:] Who? They reckon they really haven't got their play right. It'll be
[Simmone:] That's the only, er, that's only reason we will.
[speaker001:] Yeah! I thought you said they've got a chap
[speaker004:] Well He did.
[Simmone:] Full.
[speaker004:] Yeah. Get that.
[Simmone:] I don't know. What about?
[speaker004:] No, I I I can do that. Robbie's got it. Rob
[speaker001:] [singing] We're gonna win for victory [].
[Simmone:] And that erm... Carole down there look. Hasn't been for a few years.
[speaker004:] Yes.
[Simmone:] Yeah. I pulled my.
[speaker001:] Erm
[Simmone:] But, the man goes on number two.
[speaker001:] I did, the afternoon. Yeah.
[Simmone:] See him a couple of years anyway.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Go and pick up?
[Simmone:] If you'd see him, I thought you all was under... the rest of them but
[speaker001:] Well that, I think I would have recognized
[Simmone:] looked younger.
[speaker001:] the face anyway. The bloke with the green... usually wears the green trousers. But he plays that well every, cos every time I see him play he plays hell of bloody suit! Yes.
[speaker003:] Definitely.
[speaker007:] Definitely.
[speaker001:] You never lose a touch. Not with the team you've got.
[speaker003:] Okay, I'm coming!
[speaker004:] Alright? Hold on! Hold on! Hold on!
[speaker003:] Yes.
[speaker004:] Hold on!
[speaker003:] Oh yeah!
[Simmone:] As long as you, you shouldn't, you shouldn't lose it now.
[speaker001:] Oh I know.
[Simmone:] No way! Not with
[speaker004:] Well I wanna go then woman!
[speaker001:] Ah?
[Simmone:] Don't move it.
[speaker004:] Eh? Yeah, you just do it for one bloody night don't you?
[speaker003:] Yeah, I know we But we can! can!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] The sheep to cross the road and
[speaker009:] Mm.
[Simmone:] quite unusual! I'd never seen it before and that's the one time I've seen it.
[speaker009:] I can remember when you'd see... a cloud of dust, perhaps it'll be a mile away... and this would be... a flock of sheep. Course, they hadn't had... lorries in them days, they drive them on the road... and you see old shepherd coming along with a couple of dogs... and goodness knows how many sheep! And of course, the roads were all gravel then, no tarmac, see this cloud of dust across there. And er... if you see it was coming towards... of course you run into them, but if they were going the other way... course the dust still keep going. But... but of course this was many years ago. Never see a flock of sheep on the road now. It's all done with cars.
[Simmone:] You wouldn't like this dairy you wouldn't.
[speaker009:] It er... oh! It used to be... occasional or more perhaps, sometimes show time... different shows and that. So many sheep... or, ha... show time see, you see these flocks of shop... but now you always
[Simmone:] Been to a cattle market.
[speaker009:] That's a long time ago because se... the roads have been tarmacked for goodness knows how long now! I can remember when the first bit of tarmac was put on a road round here... and that down here at Upton bypass... and all
[speaker003:] Oh yes!
[speaker009:] what they call Upton bypass.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker009:] Oh it was er... cry over war wound! Oh! Horses will never be able to stand on it! It's slippery and that. What a state they were in then! My father had er, horses at that time and... my uncle out at Holt, he had some horses... they were talking about this one day and... uncles would say... well a horse didn't work nearly as hard with that... road's were nice and solid. Father said well it's, it's so slippery they can't stand on them. But it wasn't, it wasn't slippery see, but they thought it would be.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker009:] An... oh! I can remember when that... Upton bypass, when it was done... the cry there was about that! Mm. Course, it... it used to be the old rough gravel road.
[Simmone:] Can you remember Ascot Road?
[speaker009:] Mm?
[Simmone:] Ascot Road?
[speaker009:] Ascot, oh! Er no
[Simmone:] The little shack
[speaker009:] Mm.
[Simmone:] then, it was meant to be the oldest house.
[speaker009:] Mm. No. No.
[Simmone:] Do you know what I'm saying?
[speaker009:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] No?
[speaker009:] Yeah. Oh yeah. Aye, aye, aye, aye.
[speaker003:] Just off Clarendon Road, dad.
[speaker009:] Eh?
[speaker003:] Just off Clarendon Road.
[speaker009:] Clarendon Road? Er... ooh yes! Clarendon Road, yeah. Course I ye, I walked up the top of Clarendon Road there when a... I was first going out to work up there... old Bill.
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker009:] Mm. I can remember that.
[speaker003:] Well
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker003:] it's a road that goes through there to Swingdale Road... and there's a little place in there.
[Simmone:] Little blue and white wooden hut.
[speaker009:] Mhm.
[Simmone:] It was.
[speaker009:] I dunno. Over... my uncle er... old Harry... he had a house around Clarendon Road... er... oh I dunno! There wasn't many houses there at that time. Mm mm.
[Simmone:] We built our house there.
[speaker009:] Mm?
[Simmone:] Erm... it was meant to be the oldest house in erm... Broadstone
[speaker009:] Ah?
[Simmone:] and we built our hou, not, bought the plot of land and built our own house on it.
[speaker009:] Well... old Harry shared with my uncle... he had his house and he bought a piece of land on the bottom of his garden... and he built wall on... his or this piece along the bottom of his garden, but er... I couldn't tell you, it wasn't very far up the road. But er... yeah I know. But I haven't been up to cla... Clarendon Road for some time now. Er... ha!... There used to be a... a house on the end of the common up at Clarendon Road, the opposite side... oh! Er... old Mrs... I dunno, but th, anyway there was... only this one old house up in the common and er... I went up there one time with... horse and... take a couple of pigs from there down to Wimborne market. But I suppose the old house has pulled down under pressure and built on now but... that was the only house going up through there in them days. That was a very old house!
[Simmone:] Wimborne market's supposed to be old.
[speaker009:] Mm?
[Simmone:] Wimborne market must be very old!
[speaker009:] Oh Lord, yes! Course... we, Wimborne cattle market is finished now isn't it?
[Simmone:] I went to a cattle market in
[speaker009:] Mm.
[Simmone:] Devon
[speaker009:] Mm.
[Simmone:] with my aunt.
[speaker009:] Ah yeah. Er... [LAUGHTER] ha []! Wimborne market every Tuesday... and Wimborne horse sale every other Friday. Used to have... horse sale every fortnight, see every other Friday.... Ha! You wouldn't think that there was a... enough business to want a horse sale once a fortnight would you? But... mm.... Course, it was horses in them days, not motorcars. I can remember... first motorcar that we drove in... old Charlie 's. Old Charlie's... car... wooden spokes, wooden wheels... solid tyres... and he used to sit up right in there... same as I am now, like in a box... and the old chauffeur... was the chauffeur driving along. And I suppose they go along about... I don't expect they do about six miles an hour. Just, chug, chug, chug, chug.
[Simmone:] At least it was some other form of transport than a horse.
[speaker009:] Oh yes!
[Simmone:] Gave the horses a bit of a rest.
[speaker009:] Mm. Er er er... er er er
[Simmone:] I would think the mo, motorcar nowadays can go up to something like two hundred odd miles now is it?
[speaker009:] Yeah. Mm.
[Simmone:] And when you see them racing on the television!
[speaker009:] Mm. Oh yeah.... Ah! But don't matter what it is everything is increasing in speed. Now you see... in my days on the railway... sixty miles an hour was a good speed for a train it di... it didn't reckon to... do much more than that see. I know... er, down at Corfe Junction or a... one road across or one another across or... there was one road going to Wimborne, one going to Broadstone, up road and down road. And of course, they had these signs up... about la... up close to a signal... er... twenty, twenty five or thirty or whatever it was, that was miles an hour, they were supposed to reduce to that. And er... I can remember one day a driver, Len his name was and... he er... he said to the inspector, oh he says er... I've been through Corfe Junction he said at sixty miles an hour! What! Ooh he said, you don't wanna make a song about it! But he said, I have done. And er... course, that where the restrictions was on see... at the... and of course, after that, a few years after that, of course take no notice of it now. It all goes on the same. Er... er... it were just the same on a motorcycle... the faster he'll go the better they'd like it!
[Simmone:] It's still the same nowadays isn't it? You get the youngsters that hare off down the road....
[speaker009:] Mm. Ah.... What's this, the news on now Margaret?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker009:] Oh!... Do you want it?
[Simmone:] Sorry?
[speaker009:] Do you want the news?
[Simmone:] I don't mind.
[speaker009:] Mm. If you'd like to put it on a little louder.
[speaker003:] I think we'll be away dad because
[speaker009:] Ah?
[speaker003:] it's coming in quite foggy.
[speaker009:] Is it?
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker009:] Mm. You got that er, ticket Margaret.
[speaker003:] Yes, I'll get your si, your things for you tomorrow.
[speaker009:] Ah. Well I hope you've been able to pick up a bit of something but... I'm not very good at it myself cos... old days and old times.
[Simmone:] Just casual talking.
[speaker009:] He said... he well he said
[speaker003:] Yeah.
[speaker009:] course, cars.
[speaker003:] You'll have enjoyed doing it won't you dad?
[speaker009:] Yeah. Yeah, cos I'm ont'other. I said er... uncle Cecil made that cabinet there didn't he Margaret?
[speaker007:] We're leaving that shit hole of a country!
[Simmone:] What was it like?
[speaker006:] Yeah, Simon said there was a
[speaker007:] Crappy!
[speaker006:] Simon said there was a dead cat er outside your first hotel and the brothel [LAUGHTER] across the road [].
[speaker007:] Yes. That one. Ha!
[Simmone:] How did you know it was a brothel? [LAUGHTER] How many do you mean []?
[speaker007:] Well it was quite obvious!
[speaker010:] That queer, that queer in the brothel!
[speaker006:] In the brothel.
[speaker007:] Brothel. [LAUGHTER] Oh it was
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah!
[speaker007:] so funny []!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] !
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER] About the brothel []!
[Simmone:] Come on!
[speaker007:] He'd been talking to these erm... Greek blokes and they invited him into this bar for erm
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] a drink, all these sex and he went, and he went in and
[speaker010:] You know like when you have... where you have like a flat between you if you're a student.
[speaker006:] Yeah. Yeah.
[speaker010:] But if other person changes
[speaker006:] So you can share.
[speaker010:] their mind, something
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] like that then
[speaker006:] Like you could be having fun.
[speaker010:] When somebody can't keep up with their
[Simmone:] Oh yeah!
[speaker007:] Oh yeah!
[speaker010:] during the holiday.
[Simmone:] Oh yeah, and you say
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] how's?
[speaker010:] Like, this is what Becky was saying, it's like have you? And you say I'm gonna move out, you know. And you try and find a place but you can't find one but you said you're moving out so you've got to go along with it.
[speaker006:] You're constantly and a motorway going through your house so they give you less than the pro... than the market value
[speaker010:] Yeah, value for it.
[speaker006:] value for it.
[speaker010:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker007:] People that have come in contact with him so... should be
[speaker005:] Sally Army's [LAUGHTER] one []!
[speaker007:] social workers.
[speaker010:] Yeah I know.
[Simmone:] Ha! Ha! Supposed to be.
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] Sally Army. Everyone, everybody's
[Simmone:] They all know all about that!
[speaker007:] helping on the
[speaker006:] What was, mm mm?
[speaker007:] street because they
[speaker010:] Yeah! Yeah!
[speaker007:] money for a cup
[speaker005:] water.
[speaker007:] of tea!
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] So everybody's sort
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] of, everybody
[speaker010:] Police.
[speaker007:] sort of has to walk past them.
[speaker010:] Police!
[speaker007:] Police, yeah, we said all people on
[speaker005:] And there's all those people that have the big signs that say
[speaker010:] Ambulances.
[speaker007:] Oh yeah.
[speaker005:] the Standard, you think, oh! [LAUGHTER] You know []!
[speaker007:] Especially on the underground.
[speaker010:] Yeah! Half of them could be really rich and just don't think
[Simmone:] Ya.
[speaker010:] there's nobody there.
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Erm
[speaker006:] Cos on some of them, wouldn't it, you do have them really rich!
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Well apparently, they do that every day
[speaker005:] No, apparently some people do it every day.
[speaker010:] Wait! Pe, up to London
[speaker005:] They get about a hu, they get about a hundred a day
[speaker006:] This poor guy's got a day off!
[speaker005:] just from begging and things!
[Simmone:] No, cos one of them kept going up to London for the we... week and then went back home at the weekends and he had this lovely house! You know
[speaker007:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] kept travelling up and down.
[speaker006:] Yeah. Should write to railway
[speaker010:] Erm
[speaker006:] then.
[speaker010:] Yeah! Transport places.
[speaker007:] We got some of them before.
[speaker005:] No you don't know
[Simmone:] Right!
[speaker005:] . What does it take
[Simmone:] Well any
[speaker005:] for one or two or
[speaker010:] Hospitals.
[speaker005:] and you start being unwilling to do
[speaker010:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] bloody do anything!
[speaker010:] Hospitals which
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] deal with them.
[Simmone:] Oh you put hospitals
[speaker001:] Lost my, lost my door key!
[speaker010:] Yeah people getting fed up and the hospitals
[speaker007:] And erm... yeah, something like that, yeah!
[speaker010:] getting, getting, into the real world and they
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] and they can't
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] get out.
[Simmone:] Erm
[speaker006:] People getting out mental hospitals.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] That's what Simmone just said []!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Oh yeah! That's what I just said []!
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Oh right. I'm sorry!
[speaker010:] Yeah erm
[speaker006:] Actually I couldn't stand that, I don't think!
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] Yeah. Mm.
[Simmone:] Either that or they've been... proved well
[speaker007:] People who've been let out of jail as well.
[speaker010:] Oh yeah! Yeah.
[Simmone:] and passed out.
[speaker010:] Er... marriage break up is one cause.
[speaker005:] Oh yeah! Mm.
[speaker010:] The woman might get kicked out by the... ex-wife or your boyfriend or
[Simmone:] Yeah. Mm.
[speaker010:] the husband.
[Simmone:] People with.
[speaker010:] Go bankrupt or
[Simmone:] Well why, why can't we
[speaker005:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] some animals!
[speaker005:] Oh yeah! Squirrels who've had their trees [LAUGHTER] cut down []!
[Simmone:] Yeah they go, I'm a squirrel! Hee hee hee!
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]... Ee! Ee! Ee!
[speaker010:] The Lion ran away from the zoo because he wasn't get fed enough!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] The panda ran away because he wasn't getting enough!
[speaker010:] Oh no! We're not going to have
[speaker006:] Have you heard that joke?
[speaker010:] the joke now!
[speaker006:] Shh!
[Simmone:] Have I now?
[speaker006:] It's a really good joke!
[speaker010:] I know.
[speaker006:] No! Don't! Yo you might have!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] [whispering] There's this panda... and he's really bored with, I mean he's, he's getting no sex so he breaks out of erm... London Zoo [] to go off and find a partner. And he walks into this brothel... and, there's this prostitute and... well business is not going well she's going to undre, yes you do probably,
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] so anyway, she hires... so he hires this prostitute and they, they go upstairs and he gets a bit hungry so... sarnie... and they get down to the serious business
[Simmone:] Shh!
[speaker006:] and he won't
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] in the tree
[Simmone:] And tell me, tell me this... how did you leave home?
[speaker001:] I do drink socially.
[Simmone:] Cos we haven't got much time.
[speaker001:] I am. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Yeah, what sort of wedding?
[speaker010:] Why did you, why did you leave home?
[Simmone:] How did I left home? I didn't leave home. I, put me in a detention centre because I was shoplifting... and I didn't like it there so I left!
[speaker006:] Tt tt tt tt tt tt tt tt!
[speaker010:] What is your name?
[Simmone:] Sarah.
[speaker001:] From London?
[speaker007:] Where do you come from?
[Simmone:] I come from London.
[speaker007:] Oh! That's very original! And where do you normally live?
[speaker010:] Where are you homeless now?
[Simmone:] I'm, in Manchester at the moment.
[speaker007:] I knew you were gonna say Manchester!
[speaker010:] How old are?
[speaker005:] Have you cut holes in your trousers to put
[Simmone:] sixteen.
[speaker005:] big triangles of cloth in and turn them into flares [LAUGHTER] then []?
[Simmone:] No! Not quite!
[speaker010:] Do you go begging?
[Simmone:] Well... sometimes, but sometimes I just pickpocket... it's much easier that way.
[speaker007:] Have you turned to prostitution as a way of getting money?
[Simmone:] No, I don't think that's a really good idea, it's not safe.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] It's not [LAUGHTER] [].
[speaker010:] Do you sleep in shop doorways or do you go to a hostel so sometimes?
[Simmone:] Well, I haven't got much money but... well sometimes I do go to hostels, yeah... but, most of the time I just sleep anywhere I can find a shelter. Bus shelters are quite helpful.
[speaker005:] Have you ever thought about going back home?
[speaker006:] I was gonna say that!
[Simmone:] No. I don't i... if... it would be no point.
[speaker006:] But why?
[speaker005:] So you're saying it's better on the streets than at home?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] Is it worse
[speaker006:] You're giving up before you've even tried!
[speaker010:] Do you think you should try?
[Simmone:] What is the point in trying?
[speaker006:] Because you might find out it works and then you wouldn't have
[Simmone:] But my mother wouldn't care about me!
[speaker006:] How do you know that? How can you be so sure?
[Simmone:] Cos she beats me up!
[speaker007:] Fine! Can't say anything to that!
[speaker006:] Well that could just be a sort of way of life. I mean, when people get beaten up when they're younger it me
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] this is true, I saw it on a T V programme
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Carry on.
[speaker006:] they can erm... it can affect them in their later life and they hit out at people to show their affection.
[Simmone:] Mm! Don't believe that! She never said a nice word to me in my life!
[speaker007:] Haven't you got any other relatives where you could go?
[Simmone:] No, I wouldn't go near them! They're all snotty nosed little
[speaker010:] Mm. Don't you
[speaker001:] But not
[speaker010:] think you're being a little thoroughly class conscious?
[Simmone:] No.
[speaker006:] I think you've got some, some attitude problems!
[Simmone:] They don't care about me, so why should I care about them!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Yes, I think you've got a serious attitude problem!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]... Right, go easy then. Oh! Who wants to go next anyway?
[speaker010:] Oh well, shall we go to Becky's?
[Simmone:] The loonies?
[speaker006:] ...
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Well what do you think about her then? Come on? [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Ha! Ha []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Right! How old are you?
[speaker006:] I'm... thirty three thank you! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] And erm... where do you come from?
[speaker006:] Surrey.
[Simmone:] How long have you been homeless?
[speaker006:] Er... three years.
[speaker005:] Why are you homeless?
[speaker006:] Because... I used to be... in a mental institution... but they said I was well so I'm allowed out now. But I haven't got anywhere to go to.
[speaker005:] Mm.
[Simmone:] Haven't you got any living relatives that you could... go and see?
[speaker006:] No. Whenever I phone them up they all pretend to have emigrated to Australia.
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Oh!
[Simmone:] Surely the place would have... the mental institution would have set you up with... a home or something when you left?
[speaker006:] No.
[speaker010:] Where did they put you then? They can't have just turfed you out?
[speaker006:] They can and they do I think. [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Oh dear.
[speaker007:] Why don't you pretend to be still mad and go back?
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] I don't think she needed to tell you!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] And where do you spend your days? I mean, do you... do you sort of wander round the street... jabbering to people like this?
[speaker006:] [cough] No, actually
[speaker005:] Number one, number two or number three?
[Simmone:] Or... er number three.
[speaker006:] I make sure I ride on every bus going and sit next to somebody who really doesn't want to sit next to me!
[Simmone:] How do you get the money to pay for the bus fares?
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] I []! No, I just sort of accost people and talk to them and normally they pay me to go away!
[Simmone:] Have you ever thought of prostitution?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] I'm not that bad!
[Simmone:] Excuse me! Are you male or female
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] I'd just like to ask?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] I've forgotten which []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] Er, do you get any cooked meals a day?
[speaker006:] No.
[speaker010:] No.
[speaker005:] What do you eat?
[Simmone:] Don't you ever go down to the hostels or down
[speaker005:] Well
[Simmone:] or sometimes?
[speaker005:] I want to know what you eat?
[Simmone:] I mean
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] I hadn't thought about that []!
[Simmone:] Well it's,sa Samantha's going to have a go now.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] []!
[Simmone:] Who else is gonna be a counsellor
[speaker001:] I will.
[speaker010:] Oh well. It's mine.
[speaker001:] Is it mine? Oh that's okay then.
[speaker010:] Do you want to?
[Simmone:] You don't have to be homeless by the way.
[speaker010:] No.
[speaker007:] Don't you?
[speaker001:] I
[speaker006:] No.
[speaker001:] I want to someone and I don't want to be homeless!
[Simmone:] You co, you could be a social worker or something.
[speaker010:] Alright, I'll be a social worker.
[Simmone:] Okay.
[speaker006:] You could be the minister in charge of
[speaker001:] Hello!
[speaker010:] Hello!
[speaker006:] you'll be good at that!
[speaker005:] What's your name then?
[speaker010:] Er, my name is erm... Mr....
[speaker005:] Are you homeless or
[Simmone:] No, she's a social worker.
[speaker010:] No I'm not homeless I'm... gonna try and help you are
[Simmone:] You're going to try and help us then are you?
[speaker010:] If I can, yeah.
[speaker005:] What do you think it is that causes homelessness?
[speaker010:] Well, we've just had a discussion about this in the hall.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] Oh right!
[speaker010:] No. Erm... a lot of things.
[speaker007:] Have you, have you encountered many... problems with homelessness? Are you
[speaker010:] A lot of problems.
[Simmone:] Is that, is that your erm main area?
[speaker010:] Lots and lots of problems! Yeah.
[speaker006:] Can I ask a personal question? As a social worker do you have a beard?
[speaker010:] Yeah!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] I thought so! Oh dear!
[speaker005:] Yes you, and do you wear... do you wear sandals?
[speaker010:] No, I wear shoes. They're a bit cold when you're walking out on the streets.
[Simmone:] Erm... are you, how old are you by the way?
[speaker010:] Erm, I'm forty three.
[Simmone:] Forty three.
[speaker007:] Do you live in a big house or... what kind of house
[speaker010:] No.
[speaker007:] do you live in?
[speaker010:] I live in, I live in a three bedroom semi-detached house
[Simmone:] Have you got a family?
[speaker010:] on the outskirts of London.
[Simmone:] Have you got any family?
[speaker005:] You got a family?
[speaker010:] Erm, erm no, I'm divorced.
[Simmone:] Divorced? Ha, any children?
[speaker006:] What sort of er
[speaker010:] Erm, two.
[Simmone:] Two children?
[speaker010:] And they're with my wife.
[Simmone:] How old are they?
[speaker010:] Erm... three and nine.
[Simmone:] Girls? Boys?
[speaker010:] Erm, two girls.
[Simmone:] Mhm.
[speaker007:] What sort of things do you do to help the homeless?
[speaker010:] Well basically... erm, I go around... in some of the streets and try and... help people, families who have missed... they've lost their chi, erm lost people... and try and reunite them.
[Simmone:] What if they don't want to be reunited, can't that cause problems?
[speaker010:] Yes it can. I find some people on the streets are quite like, pigheaded and they don't really want to go back... for some reason really.
[Simmone:] Mm. But maybe they've got problems that they can't go back for?
[speaker010:] Yeah, they have got problems and that's why erm, people like us come along and try and help them.
[speaker005:] Have any of
[speaker001:] Wha
[speaker005:] the homeless people actually ever been taken into care, like foster and... ah, adoption?
[speaker010:] Erm, yes... quite a few times actually. Especially when abuse is inc... be erm
[speaker006:] Abuse.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Abuse.
[speaker010:] where people have been
[Simmone:] Aha.
[speaker010:] abused.
[Simmone:] Do they run away again though?
[speaker010:] Sometimes that is the case. Unfortunately.
[speaker007:] Ah!
[Simmone:] Very good! Anyone else?
[speaker001:] I haven't been.
[speaker010:] Yes I'd to talk to her.
[Simmone:] You want to do it?
[speaker001:] I want Hello! to [LAUGHTER] have a say []!
[speaker007:] How am I? I'm alright thank you.
[Simmone:] Is yo, what's your name? And how old are you?
[speaker007:] Forty.
[Simmone:] And what do you do?
[speaker001:] [sneeze]
[speaker007:] Me? I don't do anything!
[Simmone:] Haven't you got a job?
[speaker007:] No!
[speaker005:] Do you o, come from Essex or [LAUGHTER] something []?
[speaker007:] Yes! An Essex girl!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] No! [mimicking posh accent] I don't live in Essex, I live in Surrey! []
[speaker010:] And erm, are you homeless then?
[speaker007:] Mm? Homeless? Are you kidding! No I am not!
[speaker001:] or Surrey.
[speaker006:] Well, have you got anything to link with these homeless people?
[speaker007:] Yes! They accost me in the street every time I walk... every time I walk down for money, they're
[Simmone:] Do you e
[speaker007:] terrible!
[Simmone:] Do you ever give them any money?
[speaker007:] Of course I don't give them any money!
[speaker005:] Bearing in mind that you're rich enough to live in Surrey, and some people can't even afford a roof over their head don't you think you have a moral obligation towards these people?
[speaker007:] It's not my problem!
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] If they're stupid enough to be homeless!
[speaker010:] Well maybe sometimes it's not their fault.
[speaker006:] Most of the time people don't want to be
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] on the street.
[speaker007:] But how do you know that? I mean, how could you be so sure it isn't their fault?
[speaker005:] They tell us.
[Simmone:] Well those people out on the streets tell me that all the time. I mean, have you seen the reports?
[speaker007:] Of course I've seen the reports! I'm not blind!
[Simmone:] Well the majority of them are a, abused or get thrown out of mental centres, I mean, some of them just run away from home because they want to... and that's only a minority, lots of them have
[speaker001:] I mean
[Simmone:] very good reasons!
[speaker007:] Well it's still not my problem is it?
[Simmone:] Yeah! It's everybody's problem!
[speaker005:] Stop voting Conservative you stupid old bag!
[speaker006:] Yeah, and if you vote for
[speaker007:] There's nothing wrong with being Conservative! I i if Labour ca party came in the unemployment would be, unemployment, homelessness would be
[Simmone:] Have you got a family?
[speaker007:] even worse! Of course I've got a family!
[Simmone:] How large? If you don't mind me asking?
[speaker007:] I have three children!
[speaker006:] How old are they?
[Simmone:] And have any of them contemplated running away?
[speaker007:] Well how do I know!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] I would []!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] There's... one's fourteen, one's sixteen, and one's nineteen.
[speaker010:] Are they all still living at home?
[speaker007:] Yes. Yeah. Well apart from the nineteen year he's gone to... university.
[Simmone:] Oh! Which one may I ask?
[speaker007:] Cambridge, of course!
[speaker006:] Did he get in on merit or did you just pay a phenomenally am, large amount of cash for him?
[speaker007:] Merit!
[Simmone:] Well
[speaker006:] Yeah sure!
[Simmone:] very hard to believe I think!
[speaker006:] But if you go and look down in your statements now just [LAUGHTER] to check that []!
[speaker010:] Go on, it's your turn now.
[speaker001:] I want to know how you actually do that.
[speaker006:] Oh yes you did!
[speaker001:] I will. I will.
[speaker010:] Go on.
[speaker001:] Er, I'm doing it with
[speaker006:] Go on, check your bank's
[speaker007:] homeless, okay?
[speaker001:] Oh! You haven't done it! You haven't
[Simmone:] Hello. What's your name? And where do you come from.
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] This sounds like a quiz game show
[Simmone:] Blind date! [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] or something! Hey! What's your name? Where do you come from?
[Simmone:] Oh I'm! And where are you homeless?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] Right. Paul.
[Simmone:] And, how old are?
[speaker005:] Twenty.
[Simmone:] And what's your name?
[speaker001:] Sarah?
[speaker005:] Sarah what?
[speaker001:] . [LAUGHTER] That's not very good.
[Simmone:] No, you can't start using real people!
[speaker001:] Oh sorry! I didn't realise. [LAUGHTER] I didn't realise []
[Simmone:] Oh yeah.
[speaker001:] it was. It was the first name that came into my head! Sarah. Oh! Yeah! Sure! No. Sarah
[Simmone:] Okay. Anyway.
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Okay. What's your name? Sarah what?
[speaker001:] Sarah Smith.
[Simmone:] And... how long have you been homeless?
[speaker001:] About six months.
[speaker005:] Why are you homeless?
[speaker001:] Well I used to share a, share this flat with my mate and erm... you know, she got a bit out of hand, she kept bringing... all these people home and she kept having these parties and it was really difficult for me to study cos I used to go... well I still try to go to college, but erm... you know, it was really hard for me to study... and made my life really, really difficult!
[Simmone:] Isn't it more difficult now though, if you're homeless?
[speaker005:] Ya.
[Simmone:] How do you get time to study?
[speaker001:] Well, you know I, just doesn't really matter any more, the point is surviving. But I mean, when I was living with her we just had all these arguments cos, you know, I just never got any peace! There are... sometimes I could find this quiet little... place somewhere and just think, you know, it's really nice.
[speaker010:] But, what about your family?
[speaker006:] Can't you go home?
[speaker001:] Well, I could do but I, you see, I haven't got the money to get home and... you know
[speaker005:] Where do you live then?
[speaker001:] I live up in Scotland somewhere.
[speaker006:] Somewhere?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Oh great! That's very
[speaker001:] Inverness? Aberdeen? No, some... just erm
[speaker005:] Somewhere!
[Simmone:] Do you beg?
[speaker001:] By Loch Lomond.
[Simmone:] Do you beg?
[speaker001:] Oh yeah! Well, sometimes, but you see... you know, people aren't willing to give anymore. And there's so many homeless people that Mm. you know... you try to
[speaker006:] Do you blame them?
[speaker001:] Well yes! Of course I do! I mean, if it wasn't for them and the way they voted! I mean
[speaker005:] Oh! So you think that maybe a, a labour government wou, could solve all these problems?
[speaker001:] No not really.
[speaker006:] God!
[speaker001:] I mean, no government could.
[speaker005:] Erm... what can we?
[speaker001:] It's got so out of hand, nobody could!
[speaker006:] What do you eat?
[speaker001:] Erm... anything I can find really.
[speaker005:] Marks and Spencer's sandwich!
[speaker010:] Ho how long is it since
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] how long is it since you've had a cooked meal?
[speaker005:] And Muller yoghurt.
[speaker001:] Erm... I was lucky erm I like Muller yoghurt! place on Sunday and they gave me a meal.
[speaker006:] Oh! Delicious aren't they?
[speaker010:] Do you ever got to church?
[speaker006:] Which is your favourite?
[speaker001:] No. I don't know.
[speaker010:] No. So you're not religious at all?
[speaker001:] I don't know. I like crunchy one tha, that one. I used to be, but you know... it's nothing re I haven't tried the crunchy one. I al, I u I find it difficult to believe in it any more after what's it done me, you know. Cos I like the.
[speaker006:] I like the peach mainly.
[speaker001:] And it's really difficult to believe in things like that?
[speaker005:] Do you want me to done to you?
[speaker010:] Yeah.
[speaker005:] We got one person now but
[speaker001:] Well you know feeling... er Ee ah! Just one person. Ya!
[speaker010:] Yeah, Dawn.
[speaker001:] Yeah. You should, you should only have about one person
[speaker010:] Yes.
[speaker001:] like that. I've, you know, I feel I've trusted him all my life you know, an now... I find myself in this situation. It's difficult!
[speaker010:] Thank you very much. Now here we have another girl here. Hello!
[speaker007:] No we bloody don't!
[speaker010:] Yes we do Dawn!
[Simmone:] You do! You do!
[speaker006:] or what Dawn!
[speaker010:] You have to do it! If the rest of us do, you do!
[Simmone:] Hello!
[speaker007:] I'm not really keen to do this!
[Simmone:] What's your name?
[speaker010:] And
[speaker007:] Dawn.
[speaker001:] where do you come from?
[speaker010:] And where do you come from?
[speaker007:] From Worthing.
[speaker010:] What's your family situation.
[speaker007:] Dead boring isn't it?
[Simmone:] And what's your favourite male?
[speaker010:] No, what's your family situation?
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] Do you like Danger Mouse []?
[speaker007:] Yes I love Danger Mouse!
[speaker006:] [singing] Mr [].
[Simmone:] [singing] [].
[speaker010:] What's your family situation?
[speaker007:] How do you mean?
[speaker010:] Have you got a family?
[Simmone:] Are you living at home?
[speaker010:] Are you living at home? Are you homeless? Are you social worker? Are you a
[speaker007:] Yeah I'm, I have
[speaker010:] a policeman?
[speaker007:] yes, I'm living at home but I'm also married and I've been married three times before, and I've got six children now.
[speaker005:] Sounds like hundred!
[speaker007:] Except, half have them have gone away which is nice cos I didn't like them anyway!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] You don't seem to have a very caring attitude
[speaker010:] Oh I see!
[Simmone:] for your family.
[speaker010:] No.
[speaker007:] No I haven't really. No. I don't like them!
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker010:] So what happened? You left them?
[Simmone:] Are you surprised that they run away?
[speaker010:] How many people i, in your, are there actually in your household at his moment in time?
[speaker005:] Is this including milk men [LAUGHTER] or not []?
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] Nine and a dog.
[Simmone:] Where does the other nine gone?
[speaker010:] So there's you and your partner
[speaker007:] Well he sort of left.
[speaker010:] and seven children?
[speaker007:] How do you work that out?
[speaker010:] You said you had six children
[Simmone:] Children
[speaker010:] and three of them had run away.
[Simmone:] three of them had run away.
[speaker007:] I didn't say three of them had run away!
[speaker010:] Yes you did!
[Simmone:] You did!
[speaker006:] You did!
[speaker007:] I didn't! I said half of them.
[speaker010:] [LAUGHTER] Yes, which is three []!
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] Well that is three []!
[speaker007:] Yeah, but there's a difference isn't there, between saying half and three? Yes I have only got three children left. A daughter and
[speaker010:] So how come there's so
[speaker001:] Just listen!
[speaker010:] people in the house then? Is it
[speaker001:] Aha.
[speaker010:] your grandmother there?
[speaker005:] Are you having to sleep in the
[speaker010:] Your mother?
[speaker005:] ?
[speaker007:] people in the house! Look! Right. I told you I'm still living at home, right?
[speaker010:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] This is, my mother, my father, my sister... my brother, me, my husband, one, two, three children.
[speaker006:] Oh really!
[speaker005:] And the dog!
[speaker007:] And the dog, yeah.
[speaker005:] And
[speaker006:] Woof!
[speaker007:] Whisky.
[speaker006:] Woof!
[speaker005:] What sor
[speaker006:] What sort of dog?
[Simmone:] Do yo
[speaker007:] A mongrel.
[speaker006:] Right.
[Simmone:] And do you get on very well with all of your family... but, actually living there?
[speaker007:] Not really, no. No.
[speaker001:] Can't you afford to find you know, your own house or... rent a place?
[speaker006:] Would you, if you had the chance
[speaker007:] Well not really, no.
[speaker006:] find your children that had run away?
[speaker007:] Probably not. It's their choice to run away.
[speaker006:] How old were they when they did run away?
[speaker007:] Mm... one was seventeen, one was six, and
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker005:] [LAUGHTER] Making the choice []!
[speaker007:] No. No. My hu, my six year old ran away, but
[speaker005:] Yeah but when
[speaker007:] then came back, and then ran away again...
[speaker010:] So, aren't you concerned him?
[speaker006:] he tried to go out the door but she reached him back, but she hasn't
[speaker010:] Aren't you concerned about how he's living?
[speaker006:] gone to him!
[speaker007:] Erm
[speaker001:] Ah! Ah! Ah!
[speaker010:] And how he's surviving? He might even be dead for all you know!
[speaker001:] That's sweet!
[speaker010:] Don't you care?
[speaker007:] Well
[Simmone:] Aren't you a bit, the slightest worried
[speaker007:] Why
[Simmone:] You're not concerned?
[speaker010:] Why did you have children then if you weren't prepared to
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker010:] look after them suitably?
[speaker007:] Erm... my religion forbid the use of... contraception.
[speaker001:] Could we Ya. have that off.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] I think everybody I haven't got anything else to say so could I be chairperson please?
[speaker006:] Yes.
[speaker007:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] [shouting] Order []!
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER] Thank you []!
[Simmone:] Thank you. I feel this meeting is straying from the point! What we must achieve is a balance. True, the merits of the squirrels for the environment are very erm... meritus
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] yet we must also consider what's best for the people. Are these retirement homes necessary?
[speaker006:] Yes!
[speaker005:] No! No they're not!
[speaker007:] No they're not!
[speaker005:] There are loads and loads of empty office buildings which could easily be converted into very nice retirement properties.
[speaker007:] And think of all the houses on the market at the moment that aren't being sold!
[speaker001:] These and
[speaker006:] Are they
[Simmone:] Excuse me!
[speaker006:] purposely built for people with disabilities who are getting quite physically disabled... and they are desperately... needed!
[speaker007:] Indeed! Yes. Yes. But you
[speaker006:] And also an office
[speaker005:] Well I
[speaker006:] block are not, they put in the centre of town! These retirement homes need to be... in the country, they need to be
[speaker005:] I'm not
[speaker007:] You're disturbing the wildlife!
[speaker006:] surrounded by the natural environment. And you can't get
[speaker007:] You say about that how can they go in that shop?
[speaker005:] They couldn't buy.
[speaker006:] Instead it
[speaker007:] If they're beco
[speaker006:] comes round!
[speaker007:] If they're becoming as disabled as you think they are, they won't be allowed just to go down the way to the shops will they... if the nearest shops are twenty miles down the road!
[speaker006:] The retir, the retirement homes are being strategically placed in that position... enabling people to be in a real central position so that they can get to all of the amenities they need.
[speaker005:] But if they're in a real central position they can't be out in the country
[speaker007:] Country!
[speaker005:] because you've chopped all the country down! So... how can they be both
[speaker007:] Have you, have you asked the people
[speaker005:] near the country and near the shop?
[speaker007:] I presume you've asked the old people whether they want their countryside to be destroyed or not?
[speaker006:] Well of course we would!
[speaker007:] How do you think they feel they live in a place
[speaker005:] Have you, have you asked them?
[speaker006:] Yes!
[speaker005:] Have you actually did an opinion poll?
[Simmone:] Shh! Shh! Shh!
[speaker006:] Yes!
[speaker007:] You've asked? Does that mean
[Simmone:] Had a go on the machine
[speaker001:] If you count the number of characters
[Simmone:] characters and the different situations.
[speaker001:] Different problems.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Yeah. things.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] [].
[Simmone:] We've had one or two people homeless once
[speaker001:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] [cough]
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] I'll be homeless!
[speaker001:] So what does everybody else do?
[speaker007:] I must admit, I like the one... I liked that one.
[speaker006:] Oh no!
[speaker007:] That'll be good!
[Simmone:] Hello Mr microphone! Erm... this is hard. Erm
[speaker006:] I don't know what else we can do.
[Simmone:] [singing] []!
[speaker007:] [singing] []!
[speaker006:] But er
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] have you got to finish off the tapes by erm... Wednesday?
[Simmone:] I don't have to finish off er... No, not by Wednesday.
[speaker007:] When do you have to have them done by?
[Simmone:] She's ringing me on Wednesday to tell me when she's gonna collect them.
[speaker006:] Oh.
[Simmone:] Right. We could
[speaker006:] This week, you'll probably manage to do all them.
[Simmone:] I think we should have one or two hundred people.
[speaker006:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] And er we, what else do we have, a social worker?
[speaker007:] Could have... policemen, social worker, police... hospitals, some of the general
[Simmone:] And
[speaker007:] hospitals
[Simmone:] dro, drug overdose?
[speaker007:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] Ooh! That would be a good one wouldn't it?
[Simmone:] Yeah!
[speaker007:] Parents.
[Simmone:] Parents.
[speaker007:] Er
[speaker006:] I think we!
[Simmone:] Oh yeah! [school bell rings]
[speaker006:] Oh! Great!
[speaker001:] Hello Mr microphone! Are you a boy, a girl or an it? [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Are you alright?
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] That was... so funny []! I might have a conversation for the person on the other end who listens to it.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]... Oh that was funny!
[Simmone:] Beck can be different. Will you?
[speaker006:] Yeah. I'll be different.
[Simmone:] Say something into there.
[speaker006:] Totally mad!
[speaker007:] What is it?
[speaker006:] Sponge.
[speaker007:] Sponge cake?
[Simmone:] Has it got jam
[speaker006:] Er
[Simmone:] on?
[speaker006:] strawberry.
[Simmone:] Erm... I don't like strawberry.
[speaker006:] You don't like strawberry. Do want some of this sponge?
[speaker007:] Yes.
[Simmone:] Wo! There's a... there's a little bit of jam on that don't worry about that.
[speaker007:] Where did you find your history files then? Did you go
[Simmone:] At school. It turned up in lost property.
[speaker007:] Mm.
[speaker006:] Oh it's really annoying!
[Simmone:] I lost my locker key.
[speaker007:] You don't want to tell Miss cos she'll go and
[Simmone:] I had it yesterday and I came here and Karen was hurrying me up and I must have dropped it somewhere. I can't find it now.
[speaker007:] Everything looks nice and burnt!
[speaker006:] Yeah, [LAUGHTER] it doesn't matter []!
[Simmone:] You what?
[speaker006:] Surprise me!
[speaker007:] School canteens are really crap!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] I forgot my lunch aren't I terrible!
[speaker006:] You gotta make something?
[speaker007:] Still recording Simmone?
[Simmone:] Pardon?
[speaker007:] Still recording? Even in maths?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] No we're not.
[speaker007:] Why's that little light on [LAUGHTER] then Simmone []!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Will you shut, oh ho []!
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER]... Come forward.
[speaker006:] Michelle, where are you sitting?
[speaker001:] I don't know at the moment.
[Simmone:] Go and sit by the window.
[speaker006:] Sam. Sam. Whilst we're er... whilst we're waiting for her can I just look at that book please?
[speaker010:] No!
[speaker006:] Please!
[speaker010:] I'm using it to ho, I'm holding at it.
[speaker007:] Becky! I'm not in the queue now you're pushing me!
[Simmone:] Okay, here we go!
[speaker007:] And where were you yesterday evening Simmone?
[Simmone:] Yes it was on pause!
[speaker006:] Alright, then
[Simmone:] Alright!
[speaker006:] why was the tape going then?
[Simmone:] There was this panda [LAUGHTER] and he was just la []
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Shh! Shh! Shh!
[Simmone:] And it ke
[speaker006:] Shouldn't mess about round here!
[Simmone:] And he was at London Zoo
[speaker007:] And he was
[Simmone:] and he
[speaker007:] frustrated and he wants to get out.
[Simmone:] and he was very frustrated! Sexually frustrated. And so he was erm... he decided to break out
[speaker006:] zoo.
[Simmone:] and go and... find a lover. So, he broke out and went into this
[speaker007:] He found a lover.
[Simmone:] brothel
[speaker007:] Sorry!
[Simmone:] and he managed to pick up this prostitute, who only took cos business was slow. And they went upstairs
[speaker007:] Although he's only a panda, and they never manage do they?
[Simmone:] What?
[speaker006:] Although they can
[speaker007:] Pandas! They manage it!
[speaker006:] Is that why you don't
[speaker007:] They always have erections on them!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] Yeah!
[speaker007:] ! What am I thinking?
[speaker006:] Come on! With this prostitute
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] And anyway, the panda went upstairs with this prostitute and erm... well he was a bit peckish so they had something to eat.... [cough]... And erm, after that they got down to the serious business! And, when they were, the was panda was about to leave, you know, he's all ready and the prostitute thought well... well he can't realise... so she... got th, her dictionary out and looked up pand, looked for prostitute... one who avails herself for money. And not to out done, the panda got out his own dictionary and looked up panda, one that eats, shoots then leaves!
[speaker006:] Ah! Ah!
[Simmone:] And leaves. I like that joke, it's funny!
[speaker007:] They're good panda jokes!
[Simmone:] It's silly!
[speaker006:] That's why everyone's laughing then!
[Simmone:] I like it!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] I like it!
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Yes I like it []!
[Simmone:] It's really sort of oh no, kind of joke.
[speaker006:] It is sick! Yeah but nobody else thinks that.
[speaker007:] What do you think of it?
[Simmone:] It's sick!
[speaker007:] What do you think?
[speaker006:] It's a
[Simmone:] It's totally, absolutely
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] wonderful!
[speaker006:] Yes Simmone. Unbelievable!
[speaker007:] Ha Ah!
[speaker006:] Unbelievable!
[speaker007:] You're going to have a
[speaker006:] Hilarious!
[Simmone:] Well there you go! That is the panda joke revisited! Aren't you glad you got Simmone to record all this for you!
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Well today is Wednesday and we start the day with a thrilling lesson on
[Simmone:] ... [sigh] Well what do you think Mr microphone? Do you prefer Eugenie or Beatrice? I think they're both pretty crummy. I happen to prefer... Beatrice.
[speaker007:] Beatrice sounds like characters out of those nineteen twenties B B C historical drama things with the
[speaker001:] Oh yeah.
[speaker007:] with the silly hats and long dresses and the beads.
[Simmone:] And those stupid beads. But at least it's not pretentious like Eugenie.
[speaker001:] any figure whatsoever.
[speaker007:] And people doing the Charleston. [humming]
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker007:] Pity they can't record video [LAUGHTER] on this it would be quite amusing. []
[speaker001:] ... Be Bertie Wooster keeps getting accidentally engaged to.
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah [].
[speaker007:] Mm.
[speaker001:] Oh I really like this, can I look?
[Simmone:] Yeah sure.... She says she's sorry it's predictable... and stereotyped....
[speaker001:] But then so is Ann.
[Simmone:] It's an icon.... That is, mister I'm an incredibly boring guy.... And I can't
[speaker001:] Have you done any of that essay yet?
[Simmone:] No not yet.
[speaker001:] Good. I, I hate the way you do essays
[Simmone:] How are you?
[speaker001:] Have you had a reply from the yet?
[Simmone:] What?
[speaker001:] Have you had a reply from the yet?
[Simmone:] No.... He's probably getting them all in... and then sending out all the replies, just speak into that....
[speaker001:] Well what is this? Don't fondle
[Simmone:] Don't fondle it [LAUGHTER] talk to it []. Well what is it?
[speaker001:] Just talk. Oh that's sweet isn't it?
[Simmone:] Yes everyone's been saying [LAUGHTER] it's sweet [].
[speaker001:] But would you be recorded on it What are you what are you recording? I'm not, it's Simmone's.... Yes but when the microphone's there do we really talk like in everyday conversations? We say silly things like... hello Mr microphone.
[Simmone:] Another twelve days till I get my canoe.
[speaker001:] No but you don't when you don't realize it's recording, you
[speaker007:] Why is Vicky killing you in twelve days?
[Simmone:] No
[speaker007:] Oh
[Simmone:] my canoe in two da in twelve
[speaker007:] Oh right.
[Simmone:] days.
[speaker007:] Zoey was
[speaker001:] What?
[Simmone:] She's ordered it you see
[speaker001:] Ah and it was meant to come in two weeks. Did you get in the canoe exhibition?
[Simmone:] Yes I got a buoyancy aid in the puddle.... I got a very good deal on the buoyancy aid.... They're seventy six quid new, I paid thirty five for mine.
[speaker007:] Is it new?
[speaker001:] Is it new or secondhand?
[Simmone:] It's new but it's old colours, it's old stock
[speaker001:] Ah.
[Simmone:] and so this guy was selling it for forty, Vicky ordered her canoe there and he was quite a young man... and [LAUGHTER] so... alright she said hi big boy how about letting me have it for thirty five []... if you're willing to ha are you willing to haggle... I mean my friend did buy a whole canoe... he sort of
[speaker007:] Oh yes [LAUGHTER] she didn't buy half a canoe [].
[Simmone:] he sort of smiled and said oh okay I'll let you have it for thirty five and I said done.
[speaker007:] Ah!
[Simmone:] So that was quite good. [LAUGHTER] No not really. Well... there you go.
[speaker001:] Star Trek tonight
[Simmone:] Ooh
[speaker001:] brother turning up apparently.
[Simmone:] Who?
[speaker001:] brother
[Simmone:] Yes, precisely.
[speaker001:] And it's Morse tonight, brand new series.
[Simmone:] Oh at least it's a new series, I hate all the old ones.
[speaker001:] Yeah, I don't like the repeats cos I can vaguely remember who did it.
[Simmone:] You know what
[speaker001:] You know who did it.
[Simmone:] you can vaguely remember who did them, mm.
[speaker001:] But not quite and it's really annoying.... This is the one where Morse's ex turns up.
[Simmone:] His what?
[speaker001:] Morse's ex. But we still don't find out what his first name is. No.
[Simmone:] It begins with E and that's about all we know.
[speaker001:] Does it?
[speaker007:] Emille. No that's too that's not English enough.
[speaker001:] How do you know it begins with E? Eric.
[speaker007:] Oh [singing] the half a bee
[Simmone:] Alex is
[speaker001:] Eric.
[Simmone:] Oh Eric.
[speaker007:] a tweedley-dum a tweedley-dee, Eric the half a bee []. How does the last verse go? That's my favourite.
[speaker001:] Oh it's a thing about... [singing] I loved him
[speaker007:] I loved him [singing] carnally []. Oh it's something
[speaker001:] carnally semi-carnally... Cyril Connolly? No semi- carnally, Cyril Connolly []
[speaker007:] Yeah I can't do that bit either.
[speaker001:] I can whistle it occasionally. irritating length.
[speaker007:] Oh I've got loads of things
[Simmone:] It is.
[speaker007:] that are an irritating
[speaker001:] But the one album I've ever had that isn't an irritating is... it's, each side of that tape is forty five minutes long and you can fit it, apart from about... er right at the very end of one song you can fit the whole album on a C ninety. How's that for you?
[speaker007:] If you reduced the spacing you could probably even fit the end of that song on.
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] is good because each side of that is about half an hour a weird tape actually I didn't know any of the songs except oh have you heard that Mr 's become a nun?
[speaker007:] Not a nun a monk.
[Simmone:] What?
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER] What []?
[speaker001:] Oh yes I heard that. This came from the sixth form.
[Simmone:] Oh well it's co probably complete and utter bollocks. I know he was interested in monastic architecture but... what a load of bollocks.
[speaker001:] What? Mr has become a monk. [LAUGHTER] Jesus []!
[Simmone:] What a load of bollocks....
[speaker007:] [LAUGHTER] I wouldn't put it past him actually [].
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] Who told you that [] Erm Carole in the sixth form.
[Simmone:] Well she's meant to be a real bitch anyway.
[speaker007:] Yes she is.
[Simmone:] So...
[speaker001:] I told them you can bitch about found somebody at last.
[Simmone:] Ah yes we can bitch about
[speaker001:] Mr and his flat cap and his cravat. I think he must be gay, I mean going into a monastery and not having anything to do with women and wearing a cravat
[Simmone:] monastic a architecture I can't say that. Architecture.
[speaker001:] Architecture. Architecture....
[Simmone:] He's a complete... [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Wanker.
[Simmone:] Yes. It's a pity you can't see hand signals on this thing. They're a lot more expressive than words.
[speaker001:] What are? Gestures.
[Simmone:] Sometimes.
[speaker007:] Or body language [LAUGHTER]...
[Simmone:] Tt mm he's colour blind as well.
[speaker001:] Yeah. Is he?
[Simmone:] Oh look at these lovely blue flowers.
[speaker001:] And what colour were they, pink?
[Simmone:] Red or pink or something, I wasn't there but
[speaker001:] A pinky red a dark pink actually. How many tapes have you finish have you done on this?
[Simmone:] I've taped five now.
[speaker007:] That's very good. Excellent.
[speaker001:] How long have you got for them?
[speaker007:] Most resplendent.
[Simmone:] I don't know, she's coming tonight.
[speaker007:] Come on there's some of the really silly ones left now if you know how to use them.
[speaker001:] I don't, I can never work out what
[speaker007:] What about bodacious
[speaker001:] Oh I'd forgotten that. I can never work out
[Simmone:] What?
[speaker001:] sing and Wesley.
[speaker007:] We really need a tape
[Simmone:] [singing] and Wesley were lovers Will wanted to give Wes something warm as a special present an officer's red uniform... He saw a sign for a shuttle race... officer prizes red. He couldn't find Wes in his room so to his mother said bom bom bom bom tell Wesley I love him, tell Wesley I need him... tell Wesley I may be late, I've something to do that cannot wait. He took a shuttle to the asteroid belt, he was the highest ranker there... they started the race, to the belt they drove at a deadly pace... no-one knows what happened that star date but we always knew poor Wes would have to wait as they pulled Will from the smoking wreck they heard him say in a terrible state bom bom bom bom tell Wesley I love him bom bom bom bom tell Wesley I need him, tell Wesley not to my love for him is never weak [].
[speaker001:] [singing] Will wanted to give Wes something warm as a special present an officer's red uniform... He saw a sign for a shuttle race... officer ship red. He couldn't find Wes in his room so to his mother said bom bom bom bom tell Wesley I love him, tell Wesley I need him... tell Wesley I may be late, I've something to do that cannot wait. He took a shuttle to the asteroid belt, he was the highest ranker there... they started the race, to the belt they drove at a deadly pace... no-one knows what happened that star date but we always knew poor Wes would have to wait. As they pulled Will from the smoking wreck they heard him say in a terrible state bom bom bom bom tell Wesley I love him bom bom bom bom tell Wesley I need him, tell Wesley not to my love for him is never weak [].
[Simmone:] To be continued. He was, he was more like a pantomime character, how, character you'd see on the stage
[speaker001:] Mm.
[Simmone:] in a pantomime, I thought it was really good. Except he
[speaker001:] those sort of
[Simmone:] he is now in direct confron competition with Darth Vader, my all time favourite villain.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Darth Vader?
[Simmone:] any competition. She fancies Darth Vader?
[speaker001:] No I don't.
[Simmone:] fancies Dangerman
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] One person I do not fancy is Luke Skywalker [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] Ooh he'd really annoy me
[speaker001:] We reckon he's still a virgin [LAUGHTER] then he very nearly commits incest with his sister
[Simmone:] And Carrie Fisher as Leia, oh my!
[speaker001:] Oh it's the bit I really hate is the... the more you tighten your grip the more star systems will slip through your fingers.
[Simmone:] Yeah. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Oh
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] And the bit with Harrison Ford [] when he gets frozen, do you remember when Harrison gets and in the last one
[speaker001:] Oh oh oh
[Simmone:] in the last one that she's chained up to that big fat slug thing and they're all being pushed over the edge of that big pit...
[speaker007:] I love Hans Solo though.
[speaker001:] Oh he's gorgeous.
[speaker007:] Solo.
[Simmone:] Mm.
[speaker007:] fancy him [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] What's that big thing... that goes round with Hans Solo? The Wookie Wookie Is that the Wookie
[Simmone:] Yeah.... I used to love that.
[speaker006:] Star Trek's something that will never die, I mean not Star Trek erm... Dar...
[speaker007:] Star Trek won't either really.
[speaker001:] Star Wars....
[speaker007:] Neither of them will die
[speaker001:] I used to like it when I was young I wasn't really good when I first saw it, now I think, oh dear,
[speaker007:] My brother has still got all the figures. [LAUGHTER] Collects them and then he started pulling their heads off when he got fed up with them. These are the ones that fall apart when
[Simmone:] Do you know I, one... one episode of the Star Trek, the new Star Trek they spend million dollars.
[speaker001:] [humming]
[Simmone:] It takes them, and you know the one where you have the, the ship, it's travelling through space
[speaker007:] A million dollars just for Wesley's
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] well ha [LAUGHTER] you, what you have is you have erm the ship, first of all you have the ship, it's a plain ship on a white background, then you have the lights on a black background and then you have that blue bit in the middle but it takes three shots
[speaker001:] What are you talking about?
[Simmone:] to get that ship that's moving.
[speaker007:] Oh God!
[Simmone:] But it ta
[speaker001:] What?
[Simmone:] Star Trek, it takes one million dollars to film just erm to make just one episode... of Star Trek.
[speaker001:] I think it's a great programme mind you.
[speaker007:] Mm.
[speaker001:] It's a it's all, I love
[speaker007:] you know Kirk
[Simmone:] Oh... I know it's
[speaker001:] You know there's hockey today, I can't go cos I've to erm go and see Mrs.
[Simmone:] Okay.
[speaker001:] I'm really sorry If we haven't got eight people we can't play
[speaker007:] Oh dear what a pity, we'll have to pass this one up!
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] I'm shattered!
[speaker001:] because I'm playing this one. You know me who's got out of all the others, well I'm playing. eight players I run away from the ball ... Mrs and you can vouch for that can vouch for that cos she's seeing everyone at
[Simmone:] Oh bloody hell! We're four short.
[speaker001:] We can't play then, oh dear! Oh dear what a shame! What a pity! What a shame we can't play. Yeah I think you ought to forfeit it.
[Simmone:] Yeah, I would.
[speaker001:] Because I saw
[Simmone:] Yeah well we haven't got enough players. They say minim we've got to be minimum of nine players, we've only got eight.
[speaker001:] Well the point is if we can't find enough players
[speaker007:] We'll say we've only got seven and we'll get away with forfeiting it....
[Simmone:] Well we can't, nobody else will play.
[speaker007:] There's no-one else
[speaker001:] Who is playing? Me.
[Simmone:] There's you, Michelle, Rebecca, Rebecca
[speaker001:] They can't say they haven't got their P E kit on them cos they've had P E today. [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] Great. Are we going to R E then?
[Simmone:] Yeah, the delightful R E.
[speaker001:] can't play.
[Simmone:] It'll be great fun....
[speaker007:] I think everyone's leaving though, they don't
[Simmone:] No she hasn't,
[speaker007:] I had this odd dream last night. You were trying to ba you know how dusty all dusty we were supposed to clean the room, we tried to hoover them instead.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] What happened []?...
[speaker007:] The leaves came off.
[speaker006:] Oh. Well I'm not really surprised. [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Will you stop waving that thing in front of
[Simmone:] microphone. totally useless
[speaker006:] I'm fucked off with you....
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker006:] And I'm totally fucked off with
[speaker007:] I was wondering
[Simmone:] Yeah, Yeah, I have. What did you get? I did the ones, I've done the ones that were before that and thank you for taking part in and... if they think I'm taking part in another they must be absolutely joking
[speaker001:] Senior badge holders eleven B or form... room, meeting room twenty nine Thursday
[Simmone:] Sod it.
[speaker001:] to sort out assemblies and fundraising. Assemblies and fundraising. Ha, sounds like fun. Ooh! You must be so happy to get ...
[speaker006:] Just makes you glad you're not a senior badge holder [LAUGHTER] doesn't it []?
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] Mm.
[speaker007:] Yeah.
[speaker006:] [LAUGHTER] Yes.
[speaker007:] My mother actually wants to come to the presentation
[speaker006:] So does mine!
[Simmone:] Oh mine doesn't.
[speaker006:] Mine wants lots of photographs.
[speaker007:] I said you want to vote if you are
[Simmone:] Mine don't want to come at all, my dad said good god that sounds like a waste of time.
[speaker001:] ...
[Simmone:] under the sink.
[speaker007:] Right! Shh... Quiet please.... Stephanie off you go....
[speaker006:] ... Simmone...
[speaker007:] Have we got Zoey?
[speaker006:] No.
[Simmone:] Tights were on the boiler, I'd forgotten and run all the way ups down again...
[speaker007:] Sacha
[speaker001:] Karen. Karen
[Simmone:] I walked out the door [whispering] []
[speaker007:] We haven't got Zoey then?
[Simmone:] and his friend's walking up, [LAUGHTER]
[speaker007:] Denise.
[speaker001:] Present.
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] rush back inside and brush my hair [].... so I just walked off [LAUGHTER] and walked calmly by them.
[speaker007:] So we're missing Amy, Zoey and Sam yeah? Er well who were you supposed to give that to? Not me I'm sure it's not me.... Well who do you order the photographs off?... Mr holds Oh for that!...
[Simmone:] Did you see?
[speaker007:] Yeah.
[Simmone:] And then saw them too... and so did Sarah and Sophie and Claire and [LAUGHTER] [] and half a dozen other people who walked past.
[speaker007:] Right can we get these slips back about the erm... presentations thing.
[Simmone:] [clears throat] I'm losing my voice.... The only thing that's good that's happened since I left school is I'm five pounds richer.
[speaker001:] Exactly.... That's my work permit, but I've got a letter which I'll be getting tonight
[speaker007:] Right.
[Simmone:] the essay, what did she get? Did she actually say that to you,? What did she get?
[speaker001:] Well she got a, oh she had a, and I've got... a watch, watch type of thing. I won three videos, two for me and one for my dad erm..., and Brasso and a... thing
[Simmone:] What?
[speaker001:] to keep your bike clean, you know a tin of Brasso Oh erm and... some more Trolls, two more
[Simmone:] ones?
[speaker001:] pink hair and one's wearing a mac with little wellies... and the, the other one's a ballerina, and it's wearing [LAUGHTER] Can you imagine? [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER] A Troll that's a ballerina [].
[speaker001:] Then she got
[Simmone:] It doesn't look anything like Mr Bean....
[speaker001:] Oh she kept meaning to tell everyone about the bike cos er she went through all the lists of her stuff and going
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] oh and I got a bike [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]... So er yeah what's, what's, what's not cool?...
[speaker007:] No, no I'm not saying anything now.
[speaker001:] Come on,J Janine where are you going for French?... Ooh darling I love you.
[Simmone:] Hello sweetie-pie... Hello. Come round to my house tonight... nine o'clock... mm [LAUGHTER]... Oh my god what am I saying?
[speaker001:] What?
[Simmone:] Well I'm such a well cool girl.... Pistachio nut, but my friends call me peanut for short. Bye bye. Try saying Janine without saying aargh!... Hello my name's Ker, wanker [LAUGHTER]... Try saying Tamsin without saying tosser [LAUGHTER]...
[speaker001:] Hey are any of you in this er science group?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Have you done his work yet?
[Simmone:] Yeah.
[speaker001:] Oh!
[Simmone:] The last question though is really confusing.
[speaker001:] You shouldn't have that at school.
[Simmone:] Yes I should, I've got a letter.
[speaker001:] Ooh! Why, what is it then? Hey are you interviewing me?... Hi!... Hi I'm Marisha and I'm in, I'd just like to say hi [LAUGHTER]
[Simmone:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Well why are you recording everybo