[speaker001:] This bloke and his daughter who like lived as tramps
[Lynn:] Mm, like, that little girl
[Martin:] yeah and conning people and this yeah, he was alright...
[Lynn:] is it, was it a bit like no, was it a bit like Paper Moon?
[Martin:] I've never seen Paper Moon
[Lynn:] oh ain't ya?... Tatum O'Neal she used to erm swindle and cheat people
[Martin:] probably is then, sounds like
[Lynn:] mm... you've got a cheese slice
[Dave:] Ah cheese.
[Lynn:] Are you going out tonight?
[Martin:] I don't think so, unless I go up to Richard's...
[Lynn:] mm... Geoffrey's going to watch do karate, in town, now... well he likes marshal art don't he?... we won't tell daddy that you knocked a full on the table of black currant all over the carpet will we?
[Robert:] Were not telling you
[Lynn:] we've not told daddy that you've done that
[Robert:] did you see it?, did you see it?
[Dave:] no I don't think see it, no
[Martin:] by accident
[Lynn:] are you up to two days at the Co-Op now?
[Martin:] yeah, I don't know what I'm doing actually, cos I've, I can't work Tuesday cos I've got an exam till five
[Lynn:] oh, can't you swop it for another day?
[Martin:] I'm gonna try and do
[Lynn:] mm, if you see him... up to him...
[Martin:] well I've told Claire any way, she'll sort something out
[Lynn:] why she acting managing then?
[Martin:] below Neil
[Lynn:] oh, third, is she getting married?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] oh I heard er talking to one of the
[Robert:] do you like drinking
[Lynn:] yes
[Robert:] soup?
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Robert:] do you like, you pick it up, like to pick it up really
[Lynn:] mm, I heard her talking to one of the lads, I think the dark hair, short, what's his name?
[Martin:] Matt the donkey
[Lynn:] oh Matt, right, and he was saying something about getting married and he said about bridesmaids, er have you choose the bridesmaids dresses?, how old is she then?
[Martin:] I don't know
[Robert:] I want these bits
[Lynn:] there are
[Martin:] she acts about ten years older than she is, I know that...
[Lynn:] sit down then...
[Martin:] I'm not sure though what actually
[Lynn:] I don't think the monkeys will be on for much longer then, a few moments
[Martin:] no I know there not
[Lynn:] aren't they?, I wonder if they'll be able to say
[Martin:] doubtful
[Lynn:] no...
[Robert:] a bit monkey
[Martin:] pardon?
[Robert:] he's got monkey
[Lynn:] Victoria
[Robert:] in the Victoria
[Lynn:] Victoria's got a monkey hasn't
[Martin:] what my Victoria?
[Robert:] yeah
[Lynn:] no Victoria at aunty Ann's is it?
[Robert:] no, no Martin's monkey
[Martin:] my Victoria not my monkey, my Victoria's not got a monkey
[Lynn:] she's not?
[Robert:] I hear her she's got a monkey
[Lynn:] mm
[Robert:] I heard her
[Lynn:] you heard her, playing with a monkey, when?
[Robert:] my monkey
[Martin:] Darts was on again last night, I was watching it
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] Tony Greaves says that's the crippler yet again
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER] oh that could be the crippler now
[Lynn:] is that his favourite word then?
[Martin:] yeah he's dead funny right, cos he was on and he's, and some, some match was on he's, in his er, he said there's my son in the crowd and this kid had his finger up his nose, picking his nose
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]... there's my son showing me up as usual
[speaker001:] What all the time is is?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Robert:] Dad, don't want my cheese slice
[Lynn:] you eat it
[Martin:] I's got I woke, my alarm went off at nine thirty this morning, I thought shall I get up I thought no, better not
[Lynn:] I didn't wake you up cos I thought you'd want a lie in...
[Dave:] So that's, that mine?
[Lynn:] I know how much you like your bed, was it nice and on, was it nice and warm when you got in bed last night?
[Martin:] well it weren't on fire
[Lynn:] no, it weren't, shouldn't of been on fire, but it should of been warmish
[Martin:] luke, tepid
[Dave:] mm, lovely them
[Robert:] dad
[Lynn:] what inside?
[Martin:] so did I
[Robert:] dad, dad dad
[Dave:] goes on the outside
[Lynn:] mm
[Robert:] dad, dad
[Dave:] what, what, what
[Robert:] dad
[Dave:] have stew
[Robert:] stew we had last night
[Lynn:] was it nice?, I'm gonna make stew again this week, I love stew, it was lovely wasn't it?
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] did you like the stew?
[Martin:] s' alright, but are you gonna do the lasagne like you said you are?
[Lynn:] yeah I will do that's why I bought the mince meat, I'm going to do lasagne
[Robert:] are you, are you going to make me lasagne in a minute?
[Lynn:] some what?
[Robert:] one of these
[Lynn:] no, why have a bit of daddies if you want some then
[Dave:] come then
[Robert:] no
[Dave:] here
[Robert:] in a minute
[Lynn:] have a taste daddy let you have some there
[Martin:] I have to make sure I don't electrocute myself with my cup of tea
[Lynn:] ah... so it just picks up your voice?
[Martin:] I don't know, I couldn't tell you yes.
[Lynn:] Have you sorted out all your washing Martin?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] have you got an exam on Monday?
[Martin:] two
[Lynn:] what exams?
[Martin:] German, reading and French oral, French oral's a doddle
[Lynn:] is it?
[Martin:] yeah so is German reading
[Lynn:] is it?
[Martin:] the only one I don't like is the e economics ones
[Lynn:] really?, I thought you didn't like your German, are you a bit picked up on that then?
[Martin:] no, but the exams are easy
[Lynn:] are they?
[Martin:] the ones were doing are, absolute walk in the pan
[Lynn:] I wouldn't say that in case you don't do very well...
[Martin:] should be quite easy though I think
[Lynn:] well I hope so...
[Martin:] eh Rob show mum how you do your horse falling over, we saw a horse falling over
[Lynn:] let's see a horse falling over
[Robert:] [scream]
[Lynn:] oh yes
[Robert:] ah, eh, get me, get me
[Lynn:] no you have to get yourself up with your four legs, you've got four legs so you can get up, that's it, just, that's how horses get up on the front legs first, then the back, that's right
[Martin:] listen [neigh], neigh, neigh Neddy
[Robert:] ah, ah, ah, I fall over
[Lynn:] that programme on and that last night was good that emergency
[Martin:] I saw the end of it
[Lynn:] it was, it was the police, the fire and the ambulance and it was a clip from each, it was good
[Martin:] yeah, it was, the bit I saw was that policeman when he goes... [mimicking Geordie accent] although those two were up to no good []
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [mimicking Geordie accent] cos I saw them skating round that car []
[Lynn:] what made me laugh was this police woman saying, it annoys me, if you have a drink you shouldn't drive, and I thought to myself and I bet
[Martin:] the only reason
[Lynn:] she's never had a drink in her life and got into a car, has she?
[Martin:] the only reason that police get away with drink driving is cos half the buggers are Masons and they give them the old funny hand shake and its oh on your way sir...
[Lynn:] that's right, I think she was quite hypocritical, I mean she said, any body that has a drink and gets into a car is a potential murderer
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] well that, I mean... a lot of policeman have drink
[Robert:] put in there dad
[Lynn:] as part of their duty to get to know people
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] they have drinks in pubs
[Robert:] what's in there?
[Lynn:] and then go home and drive so there, there
[Robert:] what's there then?
[Lynn:] potential murderers
[Dave:] tuning knobs for the television, don't touch those, mind that
[Robert:] no
[Dave:] touch them and the telly goes wrong
[Lynn:] but I didn't like the accent you very, very
[Martin:] oche I
[Lynn:] oche I all the time
[Martin:] bloody thick in it?
[Lynn:] your very oche I
[Martin:] very thick the Birmingham accent
[Lynn:] the Birmingham accent sounds really thick unfortunately, it doesn't matter how educated you are, but if you come from Brom you sound dopey
[Martin:] as Hitler, yes
[Lynn:] don't you?... no, no
[Martin:] Grandma was really slagging her off weren't she Maureen Lipman, oh god, yeah, oh I don't like her, she has too many programmes, I've only seen about one
[Lynn:] she only has, yeah too many programmes, she means too many adverts
[Martin:] I've seen her in about one programme in the last five years
[Lynn:] what was that Agony? I hated that
[Martin:] About Face
[Lynn:] oh I saw her in Agony... that Agony was er
[Robert:] dee, daw, can I play with them ones?
[Lynn:] problem pages wasn't it?
[Martin:] no not fire in the
[Dave:] Just a fire engine noise?
[Martin:] I know a fire in
[Lynn:] are you as hard as Matthew Dr er Richard
[Martin:] his mummies
[Lynn:] she let's him does she?
[Martin:] she's in, he's insured on it
[Lynn:] is he?, oh... he seems to be out driving a lot now...
[Martin:] well...
[Lynn:] the roads were bad this morning... you haven't driven in frost have ya?
[Martin:] yes
[Lynn:] icy roads?
[Martin:] yes
[Lynn:] oh well you've got to be very careful...
[Robert:] oh no, what's he got
[Martin:] excuse me Robert
[Lynn:] did you, did you ever get a predicted grade for German?
[Martin:] no, I no, well yes, but I don't know what is it
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] I think its some C D E or something like that
[Lynn:] didn't they tell you?... who's doing German with you?
[Martin:] Katie that's it, two
[Lynn:] just the two of ya?
[Martin:] yeah... in town last night right you get so many drunks untrue, right, this bloke like staggering across the road I thought
[Lynn:] drunk?, what time?
[Martin:] erm, about ten o'clock he was seriously
[Lynn:] that's early
[Martin:] yeah I know
[Lynn:] what erm, what times the last bus now?
[Martin:] I don't know, I think we caught it, I don't really
[Lynn:] its round about ten to eleven, in't it love, last bus usually?
[Martin:] so it gets back in town by about half past?
[Lynn:] mm... no sort out of town, from town
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] and you can't get another bus after that
[Martin:] oh can't you go back to town on the bus?
[Lynn:] no, once they take you to your places that's it they don't take passengers back to town, they finish there
[Martin:] there gonna loose loads of money doing that
[Lynn:] who wants to go back in town at half past eleven at night?
[Martin:] you never know
[Lynn:] mm, not usually
[Martin:] well no, but not on, to town, but there might be somewhere they want to go on the way
[Dave:] no the bus goes out and that's it
[Lynn:] they take you home and that's it, they don't pick up passengers to go back, they've gotta go back to the depot then
[Martin:] he depart
[Dave:] have their money
[Lynn:] yeah that's right, I meant to ask you, do the tills ever not balance at the Co-Op?
[Martin:] I don't know
[Lynn:] you never get to here then?
[Martin:] yes well it did the other week
[Lynn:] what?
[Martin:] didn't balance seriously
[Lynn:] was it?
[Martin:] Neil was absolutely worried as hell because it was can't remember how much it was, it was like two thousand pound out
[Lynn:] good gracious
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] yeah remember that girl when she did ours, ours wrong?
[Martin:] kept what one thousand, nine hundred pounds for about twenty quids worth
[Lynn:] yeah what did she do wrong that girl?
[Robert:] want this light on
[Martin:] she mul multiplied
[Lynn:] she multiplied it, yeah
[Robert:] I want this light on
[Lynn:] no
[Robert:] why?
[Dave:] its broke look at the birdie up there look in the tree
[Lynn:] yeah but
[Martin:] can you move your ladder please Robert?
[Lynn:] ooh yes yes are all your friends out from their universities yet?
[Martin:] some, some
[Lynn:] cos they haven't all
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] do they usually take a long while
[Martin:] I don't know
[Dave:] put that handle down a bit more, its not locked yet
[Lynn:] would you like a Cadbury's cream egg?
[Martin:] oh no
[Lynn:] would you?
[Dave:] no I haven't got any
[Lynn:] right I'll have my egg then
[Dave:] I'll have one of them
[speaker001:] ...
[Dave:] might have a cherry bakewell
[Lynn:] do you want some of that?, here Robert very cold
[Dave:] shut the door up quick
[Lynn:] with that door open, I would like you to shut it please
[Martin:] shut the door
[Dave:] quick
[Lynn:] draft up my trouser leg
[Martin:] cos I'll have to put a bat up my pyjamas
[Lynn:] did any body ring while I was out?
[Martin:] no...
[Lynn:] Taggart's on tonight
[Martin:] is it?, no Morse
[Lynn:] no Morse is on tonight
[Martin:] Robert will you move your ladder please?
[Robert:] no, fire water
[Lynn:] there's not
[Martin:] no there's not, move it
[Lynn:] put it out then
[Robert:] mm, mm
[Lynn:] that's it, good
[Robert:] its gone
[Lynn:] lovely, you've put it out
[Martin:] er now you can move it can't ya?
[Robert:] out
[Dave:] up, up quick, quick lets put your fingers back... is that better?
[Robert:] I can't get it
[Lynn:] you've not eat your cheese slices sandwich
[Robert:] that
[Dave:] oh my finger then, give us my finger...
[Lynn:] saw Susan and her boyfriend in Alder weeks ago
[Martin:] it were er, next door
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] he's right no quality in he?
[Lynn:] well, what's he do?, is he a plumber?... Geoffrey said he's a policeman
[Martin:] yeah Geoff talks out of his ears
[Lynn:] I don't think you'd have hair that long and be a policeman... Geoffrey gets the wrong end of the stick unfortunately doesn't he?, eat this cheese slice if there's any mm, not bad... are you gonna get erm... a pair of trousers then from Mark's?
[Martin:] possible yeah I think so
[Lynn:] what sort d'ya want?
[Martin:] dunno
[Lynn:] do you need some more jeans?
[Martin:] yeah I could do couldn't I?
[Lynn:] don't you like black jeans?
[Martin:] I might get some black gear
[Robert:] mum
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] I might get some black, yes
[Lynn:] I like the black ones
[Robert:] daddy said don't want one jeans?
[Lynn:] no thanks
[Martin:] do you want one of gee?
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] what's that on that, what's that sticker there Robert?
[Robert:] its a monster
[Lynn:] don't pick it off then, you'll spoil it, grandma bought him that booty bag
[Martin:] did she?
[Dave:] we all had sweets there again
[Martin:] oh that's what he had
[Dave:] this is what he's got left
[Lynn:] cos your not impressed are you?
[Martin:] don't you like it Rob?
[Lynn:] don't you like, your socks are wet, where's he been?
[Martin:] probably in that
[Lynn:] oh you've been in the wa in the Ribena
[Martin:] in your Ribena you've dropped poor swinger
[Robert:] on there
[Lynn:] look what you, go and put your slippers on
[Dave:] some bread
[Lynn:] there's that piece of bread you left look
[Robert:] oh
[Lynn:] these are lovely Dave
[Robert:] he don't want it now do he?
[Lynn:] mm, no...
[Robert:] I want is that it
[Lynn:] think National win today then?
[Martin:] mm they're away at Plymouth, they might do, they might, they might not... they're winning runs got to come to an end some where
[Lynn:] yeah, but they're on a real roll at the moment aren't they?
[Martin:] two cup wins
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] two first division wins
[Lynn:] they did well to beat Notts County didn't they?
[Martin:] yeah, she says, she says spitting all over the place
[Lynn:] huh, didn't mean to
[Dave:] mummy he had the last cherry bakewell
[Lynn:] have you had the last cherry bakewell?, he has the last cherry bakewell
[Martin:] oh I don't like them
[Lynn:] deprived his father of the last cherry bakewell
[Martin:] well I'm depriving him of his chair
[Lynn:] you had the cherry, oh well he did share it with you didn't he?... never mind
[Dave:] now you get some little stickers on it
[Lynn:] did you want a jumper from that shop?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] no, why?
[Martin:] I don't
[Lynn:] don't you want another one?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] those lilac one was nice
[Martin:] I need trousers not jumpers
[Lynn:] I know, but you could have a, yes but you could have a jumper to go with the trousers, lilac's nice
[Martin:] us, I don't know, I want
[Lynn:] how much money have you got?
[Martin:] er, erm
[Lynn:] two pound fifty, no that isn't enough Martin
[Martin:] that's true, its true
[Lynn:] well do you want to go down and have a look?
[Martin:] [sniff] no
[Lynn:] I'll take you
[Martin:] no I ain't really got time this afternoon
[Lynn:] what time you gotta be at work?
[Martin:] two thirty
[Lynn:] its only twenty tw
[Martin:] I know I don't want to though
[Lynn:] why?
[Martin:] I don't want to
[Lynn:] yeah but your not gonna have time next week
[Martin:] yeah but I don't need a tra,ba another jumper though
[Lynn:] yes but its, there's a sale on
[Martin:] I know, but where, no point in buying things for the pr just for the sake of it
[Robert:] no it isn't that
[Lynn:] yes, but your going to need 'em jumpers aren't you?, when your at college, gotta think ahead
[Robert:] let me get it
[Martin:] well how many have I got?, I've got one
[Lynn:] not that many
[Martin:] two, three, four, five, six
[Robert:] in there mum
[Lynn:] yeah I know
[Martin:] precisely
[Lynn:] a lot of yours are sweat shirts
[Martin:] yeah that's what I don't want
[Lynn:] yes, but there's a lovely lilac one
[Martin:] I'll go next week when I've got some money
[Lynn:] yeah, there won't be no jumpers left next week
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] I'll take you this afternoon
[Martin:] no, no I shall do it myself, thank you [sniff]...
[Lynn:] Robert, I don't like your cold foot in my face... poo see if your feet smell, oh that's clev, see Martin smell his feet
[Martin:] cor rashes of roses
[Robert:] no
[Lynn:] when did you last have a bath, four or five weeks ago?
[Martin:] nineteen sixty six, nineteen sixty six weren't it?
[Robert:] you didn't have a bath
[Martin:] I did
[Robert:] I didn't
[Martin:] I did
[Robert:] I did
[Lynn:] let's have a look at your nose
[Robert:] I did
[Martin:] I'm clean I have one every other night... I have done this week
[Lynn:] is that better now?, can you breath better?, that's got a great lump out your nose...
[Robert:] I've got a lump
[Lynn:] you've got a lump?, you just got one, aagh where'd you get that from?
[Robert:] out my nose...
[Lynn:] we had to take the monkey shopping, didn't we take the monkey shopping?
[Martin:] what to see all its friends?
[Lynn:] no we went to Aldy and we went and we went
[Robert:] Co-Op
[Martin:] and where else?, nowhere else
[Robert:] Co-Op
[Lynn:] Co-Op and then we went, we didn't take the monkey in the Co-Op did we?, why?
[Robert:] cos somebody will nick him
[Lynn:] no they'll think that you've nicked one from the Co-Op won't they?
[Robert:] yeah, and we've nicked and when I
[Lynn:] when your a fly?
[Robert:] yeah
[Lynn:] oh
[Robert:] I nicked another one, I want another monkey
[Martin:] know who's working at the Co-Op? Kate
[Lynn:] Mr, O'Neil
[Martin:] oh good, that's him off the way
[Lynn:] the bloke with the blonde hair and the long hair and the glasses
[Martin:] yes
[Lynn:] erm, now what women were on? erm
[Martin:] you leave it alone you rat bag, who's digging my stuff out aren't you?
[Robert:] that's yours
[Martin:] rat bag
[Robert:] bong, bong, bong, bong
[Martin:] don't hit yourself on the head, it'll hurt, shall I make you say Robert
[Robert:] I want it
[Lynn:] there seems to be more men than women... eat your bakewell tart then
[Martin:] probably
[Lynn:] you never heard any thing about that golf tournament that you won, have you?
[Martin:] no, I probably have to wait till the season starts
[Lynn:] I would of thought it was the end of the season
[Martin:] I don't know what's happening, but I'm gonna get something off him any way, definitely
[Lynn:] how'd ya know?
[Martin:] cos I'm going to, when the next time I see him, I ain't been up to Humbersome for about three month though
[Lynn:] yeah, but you don't play in the winter much any way do you?
[Martin:] I know but I'm not the ideal member am I?, go to Scraptof more than thing
[Lynn:] yeah, well you've never had any thing from Scraptof have ya?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] what?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] yeah, no
[Martin:] yes I have and they said no [sniff]
[Lynn:] well aren't you on a waiting list?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] how long's the waiting list then?
[Robert:] I've put some things down your
[Martin:] as long as a piece of string, but I might be okay cos Matthew's junior captain this year
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] so he might be able to
[Lynn:] nominate you...
[Martin:] yeap... oh this is it
[Lynn:] does Richard play golf there as well?
[Martin:] yes... both as good as each, well yes I suppose they are both as good as each other
[Lynn:] are they?... the siamese twins
[Martin:] yeah hip joined
[Lynn:] joined at the hip
[Robert:] I wanna come out with play no socks on...
[Lynn:] you can't go out with no socks on can you?, what's that?, ee where you getting all this from?, hang on let's get a tissue, I'm glad its coming out though because its been up your nose for a week... you've been breathing
[Martin:] that's it just like that
[Lynn:] that's right you just, you get them out, that's the boy
[Martin:] [mimicking Henry Cooper] just like that, aargh []
[Lynn:] come here let's have a no, a nose blow, look at the face
[Robert:] clean
[Lynn:] blow, hard, trouble is you blow and nothing comes out the area... oh that's good, do that again like that... that's it
[Martin:] Robert
[Lynn:] Martin's speaking to you
[Martin:] Robert would you be so kind as to shut the door for me?
[Robert:] I wanna go out with these socks on
[Lynn:] well get yourself some socks
[Martin:] well shut the door first and then you can do it
[Lynn:] get some socks there in the second drawer, second there
[Martin:] middle drawer
[Robert:] in this drawer?
[Martin:] yeah that's the one, that's your shocks drawer...
[Lynn:] you got some?
[Robert:] yeah...
[Lynn:] right we'll put them on you then... he wants to come out with you dad
[Dave:] yes I know he does
[Robert:] wait for me
[Lynn:] wait for the bloke, you can put your wellie boots on
[Robert:] wellies
[Lynn:] wellies cos its muddy out and we don't want the dirt all every where
[Robert:] not my, not my stumping
[Lynn:] no not your stumping shoes
[Robert:] not my stumping shoes
[Lynn:] not your stumping shoes, there are then, where's your hat and all, all that
[Robert:] I don't want one
[Dave:] yes you did
[Martin:] the thinking man's cam cowboy's sandwich ham, jam and spam wrapped round a wagon wheel...
[Lynn:] do you like wagon wheels?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] I think they're awful
[Lynn:] I don't like the marsh mallow in that
[Martin:] I don't like the biscuit
[Lynn:] oh I like the biscuit I don't like the marsh mallow
[Martin:] I think that's awful
[Lynn:] the marsh mallow is revolting I don't like that
[Martin:] I don't like that either, I don't like the chocolate either
[Lynn:] oh look here he comes with his woggy boots
[Martin:] wogginton boots
[Lynn:] wellington boots... and how is our ooh look at these, good job you've got these for the dirt
[Martin:] I wish you would be a neat clag as my granddad would say
[Lynn:] do you remember the, what's, what's a clag?
[Martin:] Yorkshire saying for trouble
[Lynn:] oh right
[Martin:] [sniff]
[Lynn:] remember
[Martin:] Yorks
[Lynn:] do you remember you little wellies?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] that you used to where when you were a little boy?, can you remember what colour they were?
[Martin:] they must of been red
[Lynn:] they were red
[Martin:] cos you always bought things totally the wrong colour for my sex
[Lynn:] no that's the only colour you could buy, they were red from, from er... Mothercare
[Martin:] has he got any thing in there worth nicking?
[Lynn:] fudge, milky bar and a crunchie
[Martin:] is that the milky bar I gave him?
[Lynn:] what?, where is it? right... I dunno what you've done with your hat, have you seen his hat any where?
[Martin:] I have nee
[Lynn:] what?
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] where's your hat though dear
[Robert:] can't find it...
[Lynn:] see if you can find his hat any where Martin
[Martin:] a hat, a hat
[Lynn:] a little beige one with all the colours
[Martin:] oh god I haven't seen that for ages
[Lynn:] that one's yours actually
[Martin:] I'm not surprised, oh here it is, its over, its on the settee
[Lynn:] can you pass it please?
[Martin:] yes I suppose I can...
[Robert:] my Martin's being horrible
[Lynn:] no he's not
[Robert:] and then
[Lynn:] he says he's Martin's being horrible
[Martin:] no I'm not being horrible
[Lynn:] he's not, he's not being horrible
[Martin:] I fetched your hat with an A
[Lynn:] say thank you Martin
[Robert:] thank you Martin
[Lynn:] say love you Martin
[Robert:] love you Martin
[Martin:] creeping gets you every where
[Lynn:] what's he say?
[Robert:] creeping gets you every where
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] creeping gets you every where... there you go
[Robert:] creeping gets you every where
[Lynn:] bye, bye
[Martin:] bye, bye, bye... bye spotty dog
[Lynn:] oh he loves little spotty dog isn't it?... wouldn't you like to be a nursery school teacher Martin?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] your good with children
[Martin:] yeah its dead easy... you don't need to be exactly er a one intelligence do you?
[Lynn:] you only need to be a nursery nurse...
[Martin:] oh though, its a woman's job though, in it though?
[Lynn:] tis really, you don't see any male teachers
[Martin:] and that's not trying to be sexist, but that's how
[Lynn:] teaching
[Martin:] it is
[Lynn:] nursery children, you don't know do ya?
[Martin:] no...
[Lynn:] cos they're still a bit clingy and they need
[Martin:] mummy
[Lynn:] toilet training and, well not toilet training but reminding to go to the toilet, look at his hat... did you read in the paper that George Best has had to spend half of his testimonial money on debts
[Martin:] test, testi what?
[Lynn:] his testimonial money
[Martin:] oh yeah his testimonial
[Lynn:] money on debts, that's terrible in't it?
[Martin:] he's a prat
[Lynn:] he's really ruined his life
[Martin:] ruined it years ago
[Lynn:] through drink... he could of been a really brilliant football player he could of made a lot of money and
[Martin:] well he was, he was
[Lynn:] well he was and he could of had a secure future
[Martin:] well he did that for a while
[Lynn:] yeah till he sconded it all on gambolling... I don't know what people see in gambolling do you?... its like Willie Thorne
[Martin:] Willie Thorne the gambler
[Lynn:] well I mean he's lost every thing hasn't he?
[Martin:] yeah...
[Lynn:] even his wife's left him
[Martin:] your getting like grandma now
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] don't like him, his wife, he left
[Lynn:] no I'm just saying
[Martin:] don't like him his wife left him
[Lynn:] didn't say
[Martin:] don't like her she left her husband with nine children
[Lynn:] didn't say I didn't like him, just said that his wife had left him
[Martin:] oh god you don't like him do ya?, yes, why?, ooh well why shouldn't I? oh he left his wife with a hundred and fifteen little children under the age of four
[Lynn:] mm, Ray Reardon's the one she doesn't like
[Martin:] she used to love Ray Reardon to pieces
[Lynn:] cos he was Welsh
[Martin:] cos he was Welsh
[Lynn:] then he left his wife
[Martin:] and then he went to London, she said oh he moved into a flat with a girl he hardly knew, A she was forty when he met her
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] and she was, and he was about foot fifty, something like ten years different which is very little
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] and second of all he'd known her since they were at school, well he was like ten years older, but something like that any way... oh brilliant this is back on Jack The Ripper that
[Lynn:] is it a repeat?
[Martin:] its him look that one, Lewis Collins and Michael Caine
[Lynn:] he's good Michael Jack
[Martin:] able line
[Lynn:] erm Caine
[Martin:] yes so is Michael Jackson...
[Lynn:] who was Jack The Ripper?, he weren't was he?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] was he the policeman?
[Martin:] yeah, he was the detective
[Lynn:] mm...
[Martin:] Dave Stevis
[Lynn:] he's not doing so well now is he?, he used to, he's not won a high ranking tournament since nineteen eighty nine
[Martin:] no that's true, since he married
[Lynn:] oh blame it on that
[Martin:] no its true though... its true since he's got married he hasn't won
[Lynn:] well why do you think that is then?
[Martin:] cos he's been devoting his life to his wife more
[Lynn:] and that's not right?
[Martin:] I'm not saying that's not, but that's the reason... [sniff] bloody vegetarian's again... all people who do something that they don't have to always shout about it and try and turn every one else like it
[Lynn:] like vegetarians
[Martin:] er, yes...
[Lynn:] eh, its a free country and you should be able to choose what you want to do yourself... er, if something is damaging to your health then I would agree, yes, smoking I don't agree with smoking... but if people want to smoke that's entirely up to them, they know the risks, I wouldn't smoke, I know the risks... but vegetarianism is purely a matter of choice and there's no peop people that harp on about you shouldn't eat meat, get on my nerves...
[Martin:] exactly... but every body who did something like being vegetarian or what's the other thing?, goes to church, church people are the bloody worse
[Lynn:] They're hypocrites any way
[Martin:] there
[Lynn:] they liked to be seen to go to church
[Martin:] they go to church because they've done something wrong half of them
[Lynn:] no they just like, think that it looks good because they are being seen to go to church
[Martin:] [sniff] precisely, I mean Prince, the Duchess of York goes to church and she lived in sin for ye years with that bloody racing driver so she's, she's nothing
[Lynn:] that's right, that's right
[Martin:] and when you
[Lynn:] she is the biggest
[Martin:] hypocrite
[Lynn:] and the biggest erm, what's the word I'm looking for?
[Martin:] embarrassment to the royal family going
[Lynn:] rough, she's a bit of rough she is, she is, she is not high class is she?
[Martin:] I don't think so
[Lynn:] she really isn't... she, she doesn't tow the line, does she?... she doesn't tow the line to be er accepted in the royal family
[Martin:] and she's not doing any thing nice to endear herself to the public apart from erm, what gran grandma says that princess Diana spends too much time with aids patients
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] that
[Lynn:] there's nothing wrong with that though
[Martin:] I think, I think she goes
[Lynn:] I think that's good
[Martin:] over board though
[Lynn:] yeah, she maybe does, but I think she's trying to, to try and promote the fact that aids patients are harmless, because a lot of aids patients are very isolated, people don't want to know them, they think you can catch it through shaking hands, drinking out the same cup and all that, and I think she's trying to prove that look I'm alright, so should you be, but she does go a bit over the top
[Martin:] every time I look, turn round, she's been visiting some aids patient...
[Lynn:] said, definitely got
[Martin:] I mean the you've probably got more chance of having an audience with her if you've got aids than if you haven't... catch aids, meet the princess
[Lynn:] yeah... but its better than going off skiing all the while and taking your spotty chicken pox children with you
[Martin:] I and infecting the country that you go to
[Lynn:] I think that's disgusting going abroad taking chi, a child that's got chicken pox abroad and the other one she could be incubating the disease any way... I bet you any mo money she comes down with it as well
[Martin:] two pianos?
[Lynn:] yeah, one's Geoff's
[Martin:] oh I see
[Lynn:] I bet she comes down with chicken pox hog Eugene
[Martin:] oh pathetic names or what
[Lynn:] Eugene
[Martin:] its not how they came into the world of real names to stick with prat names like Beatrice and, I mean I know its old royal and that and I mean fancy going to school in that bloody Henry and William, I mean William's not too bad
[Lynn:] William's alright that's the best out of them
[Martin:] king Billy's the best I think something like that
[Lynn:] but Henry is the, why call him Henry then call him Harry?
[Martin:] I know
[Lynn:] what's the point in that?
[Martin:] I don't know, Henry, Harry comes from Harold I would of thought
[Lynn:] yeah, so why do they call him Harry all the time, Harry for a boy, that's awful... I mean a lot of the old names, we talked about the other day, a lot of the old names have come back for children, but I mean I don't think Harry should be
[Martin:] Harry ain't coming back
[Lynn:] Gladys won't ever come back for a little girl will it?
[Martin:] I think Ena's gonna be back with it, before you know it
[Lynn:] mm, well, I visit ladies in the nineties and they're called Emma and Alice and Amy and all these names that are being used for children now, but I don't think you'll ever get Fred, Sidney
[Martin:] oh Sidney's gone forever
[Lynn:] Sid
[Martin:] that's in the annals of history I think, an thank god as well
[Lynn:] Sidney and erm Horace, I think Horace won't, can you imagine a little boy being called Horace
[Martin:] oh in it sad eh?, reading in the paper the other day about that... thing the, the list of top ten names, I mean half of the ones on there are pathetic
[Lynn:] I know
[Martin:] I mean Lewis is something like nu number seven in the country, I don't know any Lewis's
[Lynn:] well I do, its er at Robert's school there's, there are all the names, that's what children are being called now, your age group you won't know them, but then
[Martin:] I know at my age group they're all Darren and Gary and Steven and
[Lynn:] all they want that, that was the vogue then
[Martin:] and Dean and Scott
[Lynn:] Dean and Scott all that's right, I can remember when I had you that's all the names that were in fashion, but now it is Joshua
[Martin:] I like that actually
[Lynn:] Joshua's alright, a lot of biblical names
[Martin:] the thing is when you've got a last name your stuck because it, every thing, you can't have any thing too new otherwise it sounds stupid
[Lynn:] it adds devalue don't it?, well why don't you do what you said you were gonna do and have a, a doubled barrel name
[Martin:] I might do...
[Lynn:] well you wanna do it sooner rather than later you don't want to leave it, you wanna do it sort of, now, so that if you go to college or any thing you can start off with that name
[Martin:] could do
[Lynn:] and be known as
[Martin:] Martin James Thomas
[Lynn:] mm, I think that'll be nice... Thomas goes alright doesn't it?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] I think that's nice... Geoffrey couldn't do that
[Martin:] no Geoffrey Thomas, Thomas
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] Geoffrey Thomas Thomas...
[Lynn:] well he could just say Geoffrey Thomas and, and adopt it, that is his name any way
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] he could just me merely stick a hyphen in between it
[Martin:] could do
[Lynn:] that is his name on paper, Geoffrey Thomas, he could call himself Geoffrey Thomas and write it as that couldn't he now?, if he wanted to... what's Mark's middle name? David
[Martin:] David
[Lynn:] Mark David
[Martin:] that's awful that, well it ain't awful I don't like that
[Lynn:] Mark David... well it could of been Mark Andrew and then it'd been Mat... at least your name, your initials don't spell any thing rude
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] do you remember when I told you about that baby on the maternity ward
[Martin:] what's her name something like Patricia
[Lynn:] no Pauline
[Martin:] Pauline... go on
[Lynn:] Iris
[Martin:] Pauline, Iris something
[Lynn:] Susan,
[Martin:] that's it, Susan, Pauline, Iris, Susan
[Lynn:] fancy calling somebody that, I mean the names in themselves are old fashion names aren't they
[Martin:] Pauline that won't come back
[Lynn:] Pauline was awful, well they were all family names
[Martin:] oh ain't they terrible
[Lynn:] grandma's and, and that, so, they were all names like that and she hadn't realized that Paula, er Pauline, Irene, Susan spelt, spelt P I S S
[Martin:] I know...
[Lynn:] and I said to her is that what your going to call your baby and she said yes, so I said well you realize what the initials spell and she went Pauline, oh my goodness I didn't know that
[Martin:] so she changed the erm
[Lynn:] she changed them round Paula, Pauline, Susan, Iris
[Martin:] so she changed the Susan to, to Theresa and made it pits instead
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] P I T S...
[Lynn:] household name, cooker
[Martin:] hoover
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] yeah
[Martin:] Dave hoover
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] and also a household name Dave Moulinex
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] Steve bath [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] Steve table and chairs, huh
[Martin:] Richard dining table
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]... oh look at his smile it sad
[Martin:] huh, he's an Essex boy I can't see his white socks though
[Lynn:] what's all this joking about Essex boys?, every where you read in the paper its Essex gir Ess why does an Essex girl
[Martin:] they're dead naff, right, cos Steve Wright in the afternoon as a thing, he says, he says, what do you want Essex girl and he's said something funny she'll, she'll go, you crack me right up you do, you make me crack right up, right and they're suppose and they are, well I don't know, but they're supposed to be really naff
[Lynn:] are they?
[Martin:] naff, over the top, the per the car that an Essex boy would drive would be a Ford Capri
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] either where white socks with loafers, you, you know naff
[Lynn:] mm, mm
[Martin:] and look generally pathetic and the, all the woman have peroxide blonde curly hair, shoulder length
[Lynn:] mm... why suddenly Essex though?
[Martin:] its just a naff place
[Lynn:] Grantham supposed to be the most boring place in Britain isn't it?
[Martin:] yeah but this is, this is different though, just
[Lynn:] cos hasn't Grantham got the reputation of being the most boring town in Britain?
[Martin:] s' I think so, yeah
[Lynn:] I remember when I started my training I work with this girl and I said where'd you come from and she said I come from the most boring town in Britain, I says where Grantham?, she says yeah, I says is it boring, she says yeah huh, it is
[Martin:] Leicester's dull though in it?, you've gotta say Leicester is dull
[Lynn:] what's dull about it?
[Martin:] the night life is absolutely pit pitiful
[Lynn:] every body always says that about the night life, I don't know why
[Martin:] its really pitiful though...
[Lynn:] was but, what you expecting that, obviously isn't called for a lot of night life, otherwise it would be there, there's been discotheque, they've been all sorts of things, but they've closed down because they haven't made enough money
[Martin:] well
[Lynn:] so there obviously isn't the need and the demand that people think
[Martin:] Nottingham's got better night life, that's the, probably the nearest good place
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] but Manchester that's probably the hive
[Lynn:] but is it
[Martin:] at the minute, because they've got there the Hussy End which is like the number one, that's better than the Stringfellow's apparently, Hussy End are in Manchester [sniff] thirty quid to get in
[Lynn:] cor, but its so expensive these night life places, I mean... they charge the earth for drinks and that don't they?
[Martin:] yeah yours
[Lynn:] is Crystals any good?
[Martin:] yeah ain't bad
[Lynn:] its good?
[Martin:] s' not bad, its a bit of a meat market, there's loads of like
[Lynn:] well that's how these places are any way, all you do, disco's and that are always the same, you got women dancing round their handbags, Tracy and Stacy and all those
[Martin:] Tracy Sam and Cheryl
[Lynn:] do they still dance round their handbags?
[Martin:] no no
[Lynn:] no what do they do with their handbags?
[Martin:] they leave them in the cloakroom
[Lynn:] oh right, and you get all the blokes standing round the bar with a pint in their hand, eyeing up the woman, looking for which one they're gonna move in on... don't ya?
[Martin:] I don't personally
[Lynn:] huh
[Martin:] because I look for the men, now I'm just joking
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] oh, oh dear, I hope not...
[Martin:] not it, it is like that, but
[Lynn:] I mean its always been like that but
[Martin:] some places are worse than others
[Lynn:] mm, doesn't Steven Henry look young?
[Martin:] he's got worse, well I don't know he's complexion's are about as bad as mine
[Lynn:] and how old is he?
[Martin:] twenty two
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] fifty three
[Lynn:] mm... I wonder if Steve Davis, is this the quarter final?, or is it the final?
[Martin:] the final
[Lynn:] the final oh, I wonder how he'll do...
[Martin:] a lot of rubbish that one
[Lynn:] I bet his wife said come on, get the money in mate
[Martin:] come on Steve, come on Steve...
[Lynn:] get the cash in
[Martin:] get the wonga... up to their
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] oh you missed Only Fools and Horses the other night, its the funniest one ever, its the one where Del was in this wine bar pretend to be a yuppy
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] and er [sniff] he saw the, he was with Trigger he says, he says keep calm, drinking calm, were in here my son, right, and er its the bit where he's leaning on the bar and the bloke lifts up the bar and he just folds like a tonne of bricks sideways
[Lynn:] oh that's funny that one, I've seen that before
[Martin:] the best...
[Lynn:] there's a story here in the paper, I don't know whether you've read it about a little boy, ten weeks old and he's been born with all his organs on the wrong side of his body
[Martin:] oh yeah
[Lynn:] he's got his heart on the right instead of his left, the liver on the left instead of the right, the appendix on the left instead of the right and other internal organs possibly
[Martin:] well he's alright though in he?
[Lynn:] res reversed, where every thing is the wrong way round, so its alright really in it?
[Martin:] well if it was just some things
[Lynn:] I wouldn't of thought so...
[Martin:] so when somebody says to him what sides your heart on and he says right they say no, he says yes it is
[Lynn:] says here he should be expected to lead a perfectly normal life...
[Martin:] its when they find out when he's three years old, his face is on upside down or something, oh god Marathon Man I'll be on tonight, I hate that film, that's that terrible bit with the dentist and the teeth
[Lynn:] ooh, oh that is the worse, that is so bad, that's horrible isn't it?, you really feel that... when's that on then?
[Martin:] tonight
[Lynn:] oh I must watch it
[Martin:] I don't know if I'm going to, lets see what else is on, Jagged Edge is on I might watch that instead, oh god its still time, I could, yes I think I could just about give that a wide enough berth...
[speaker001:] It picks it up well... right.... What did you do yesterday afternoon, nothing?
[Lynn:] No, nothing...
[Martin:] You know that Morse that was on last night?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] was that the one where... hang on let me think what it was, there's some, there's a... it was, at Oxford College weren't it and one of them was trying to be a like high up in the church or something
[Lynn:] yeah women
[Martin:] and one of them got bunked off
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] was that the one with Zoe Wanamaker in it?
[Lynn:] yes
[Martin:] Zoe Wanamaker
[Lynn:] it was good, I like Morse anyway
[Martin:] shame it was a repeat, there not doing any more with him
[Lynn:] I know, I like all the police ones
[Martin:] I like all the ones there not doing [sniff] unfortunately
[Lynn:] it's Poirot tonight
[Martin:] I don't like him so much
[Lynn:] well that was er what you saw on
[Martin:] yeah I know, but I don't like David Suchet, I prefer Peter Ustinov
[Lynn:] yeah, true
[Martin:] cos it loses its erm
[Lynn:] you'll just have to pretend it, it's not him
[Martin:] mm, could do
[Lynn:] close your eyes every time he comes on
[Martin:] yeah, er, probably be about right...
[Lynn:] do you like swede?
[Martin:] no not particularly
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] not keen on swede
[Lynn:] do you like bakewell tart?
[Martin:] not really
[Lynn:] no I don't mean the iced one that you buy
[Martin:] no, no, no
[Lynn:] the one I make, I made it once and you liked it with the almonds on top
[Martin:] what's all this craving for making new puddings, you know [sniff]
[Lynn:] oh, I just thought I'd have some thing different
[Martin:] let's have a look at the puddings in there and I'll shall choose, I shall show you what I'd like
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] oh wicked
[Lynn:] its not what you'd like, it's what I've got the ingredients for
[Martin:] I see... you didn't say that did ya?, you never said that did ya? eh, eh, eh, no
[Lynn:] well you like it with custard don't ya? it's not got icing on
[Martin:] so what is it then?
[Lynn:] pastry, jam, sponge
[Martin:] yeah I suppose I've had that before
[Lynn:] with nuts on the top, I made it once
[Martin:] right, yeah, I've got it
[Lynn:] can you crack some nuts for me?
[Martin:] yes I will oh er
[Lynn:] look these they're almonds
[Martin:] er I don't like them
[Lynn:] you know there those hard
[Martin:] eh you know those walnut ones?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] granddad's got this thing which you open them with
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] it's a key
[Lynn:] a key?
[Martin:] well its like a tri a triangular piece of metal, right
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] triangular piece of metal, you dig it into like the crack and twist it and it just opens
[Lynn:] walnuts never if you crack them along the seam they never come out whole, you always break into the nut
[Martin:] well you don't with this
[Lynn:] it's a shame
[Martin:] you don't with this... it's quite good it's not bad at all
[Lynn:] alright you can crack these almonds then, use up the Christmas nuts, now then they're ever so hard almonds are
[Martin:] I just move some of this stuff out the way, I know, I've had a good idea, a smart idea
[Lynn:] ...
[Martin:] you got a bin or something I can knock the, the remains into?
[Lynn:] oh, just put them in a, a dish
[Martin:] okay...
[Lynn:] you know what the almonds are don't ya? those
[Martin:] I do know...
[Lynn:] just checking
[Martin:] after seventeen years in the business I think I know what an almond looks like
[Lynn:] pop's gone today
[Martin:] again
[Lynn:] he's fish
[Martin:] [sniff] fish, fish, fish
[Lynn:] now I've got to find the recipe for bakewell tart...
[Martin:] so what you do you see with these al with these walnuts
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] you stick the key in there
[Lynn:] ah
[Martin:] and twist
[Lynn:] ah
[Martin:] and just breaks it
[Lynn:] cracks it mm
[Martin:] its ever so clever, dead ingenious... good god there's enough almonds in this bag
[Lynn:] here you are that's it look
[Martin:] ah
[Lynn:] looks nice doesn't it?
[Martin:] yes, how
[Lynn:] you have to say nice cos you've got a knife in your back
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] right... move that out there... it's, it's Sheeba and Ted
[Martin:] yes not Ted and Sheeba but Sheeba and Ted
[Lynn:] Sheeba and Ted
[Martin:] Sheeba and Ted's house
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] do you want all these almonds really
[Lynn:] yeah cos I want to put them on top
[Martin:] don't you got some hazelnuts?
[Lynn:] no that serves you right, shame in it?
[Martin:] look at all them, that's only out of one bag
[Lynn:] I know... right I've gotta make some pastry
[Martin:] well it was real value buy buying nine bags of nuts over Christmas wasn't it?
[Lynn:] nobody's ate them, whose fault's that?
[Martin:] yours
[Lynn:] where did you go last night then?
[Martin:] South Crostain dead sort there
[Lynn:] the White Hart
[Martin:] no Golden Fleece
[Lynn:] oh that's what I meant the Golden Fleece nice int it they do meals there
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] supposed to be nice, I think I've had a meal there years ago
[Martin:] mine
[Lynn:] does Richard drink much?
[Martin:] yeah, but not when he drives
[Lynn:] who was driving last night?
[Martin:] Richard
[Lynn:] what was he having then?
[Martin:] coke
[Lynn:] good, very sensible
[Martin:] tres sensible
[Lynn:] please to hear it I'm sure his dad would be fuming if he did drink and drive
[Martin:] I don't think Richard would ever drive again if he did drink and drive
[Lynn:] oh with his dad's own breathalysing kit at home
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] checks him when he gets in the door
[Martin:] although his dad's er, you know his dad's a police surgeon?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] sometimes I mean he's been out when he's had a drink, on call, sort of thing
[Lynn:] mm...
[Martin:] I'd hate that being on call or... cos he gets called out right in the middle of the night sometimes couldn't do that
[Lynn:] well does he do like the, the blood test the breathalysers and all that?
[Martin:] well he does the blood tests, cos the police couldn't do it
[Lynn:] that's what I mean just the blood tests?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] he would get called at
[Martin:] but as far as she did erm thing... do da's
[Lynn:] mm... still it's all good money int it?, must be on better money now than he was as a
[Martin:] G P
[Lynn:] an ordinary G P, otherwise I don't think he would of given it up
[Martin:] I don't think he would have moved to a two hundred and thirty five thousand pound house either
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] from a small well from a
[Lynn:] where did they live before then?
[Martin:] Long Way Crescent which was just a semi
[Lynn:] oh that's real naff up there
[Martin:] I know, that's where all the live...
[Lynn:] the what? oh
[Martin:] a nice little term I've nicked from my driving instructor
[Lynn:] so you before then?
[Martin:] oh yeah
[Lynn:] how surprising
[Martin:] oh it's massive it was, the house he's got now is massive
[Lynn:] I know it is, it's lovely isn't it?
[Martin:] tres beau, cos there's the living room, its like he's got two living rooms and Richard and his sister and there's a vid there a telly and a video in each of them, buggers
[Lynn:] mm, who was telling me that somebody's four year old son has got a video and television in his bedroom his own video
[Martin:] I don't know
[Lynn:] I forget now
[Martin:] it's ridiculous
[Lynn:] they were saying how spoilt children are today and how, erm I think it was Anne who was telling me and I said it, that is just ridiculous isn't it? for a four year old to have their own video
[Martin:] should give it me... this gonna take me three weeks cracking these almonds
[Lynn:] I know there ever so hard the shells you know... Robert says he's going to have some dinner today
[Martin:] I've heard that story before an all
[Lynn:] yes I've heard it before as well... he said he wants some pork and potatoes
[Martin:] you got pork?
[Lynn:] yeah, that's what we got
[Martin:] Gonna say tough luck out I've got beef... oh it just smashes into pieces
[Lynn:] it doesn't matter
[Martin:] it does when you don't know where half of it's gone
[Lynn:] oh right
[Martin:] actually, yes I've found it, what do you want me to do with it then?
[Lynn:] what?
[Martin:] [sniff] give us another bowl
[Lynn:] where is it? oh yeah
[Martin:] give us another bowl and I can dig out the little manky pieces
[Lynn:] I wonder if flaked almond is toasted or something
[Martin:] no, well probably
[Lynn:] have er, oh well I'll just have to put them in the oven they'll go brown under the oven won't they?
[Martin:] yes you'll have the... every now and again you'll be biting into a piece of shell which will be nice
[Lynn:] oh Geoffrey watched Marathon Man last night
[Martin:] oh, glad he had nightmares
[Lynn:] no he didn't, but I could hear him saying oh no absolutely wicked, oh absolutely, murderous, oh god, eh man, drilling his teeth, ow no that's horrible though that film
[Martin:] cowabunga do
[Lynn:] isn't it?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] is it safe?, yes its safe, its very safe, is it safe?, no its not safe, every thing he said it still carried on asking him the questions didn't they?, terrible
[Martin:] oh that's better... [sniff] two down, three hundred and ninety six million to go
[Lynn:] jolly good, oh that's it
[Martin:] [sniff] I've got a cold coming, I've decided
[Lynn:] oh no I hope you're not getting the Chinese flu
[Martin:] what?
[Lynn:] oh that's what's on the way from America isn't it?
[Martin:] is it?
[Lynn:] it's, well its reached England it's not epidemic proportions yet
[Martin:] no it's gotta be a is it
[Lynn:] it's gotta be a hundred in, hundred in a hundred thousand to be an epidemic, at the moment it's twenty two
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] before Christmas it was nine, so it's trebled, trebled
[Martin:] doubled
[Lynn:] oh yeah, it said trebled on the news
[Martin:] trebled, it would be twe it would be twenty seven
[Lynn:] a good programme on last night it was about B B C
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] in the fifties when it first started and how
[Martin:] does that look right to you?
[Lynn:] eh?... yeah they are shrivelled up little nuts, there was this programme last night about the B B C when it first started in the nineteen fifties
[Martin:] that was I T V, I T V started in the fifties, B B C was in the thirties
[Lynn:] oh well whatever, no it wasn't, they were on about the B B C
[Martin:] it was on I T V the programme
[Lynn:] yeah okay well it was all about B B C cos it was saying how stuffy the B B C was and how... erm
[Martin:] get off ah
[Lynn:] the Beverley sisters were on and they said they used to wear very daring clothes and the B B C banned them from showing their navels, cos you're not supposed to show your navel on television and you couldn't say the word, oh yeah Lonnie Donegan was on and he said that he was banned from singing this song... er [singing] in eighty forty was such a little drip [] and in it he says we beat the bloody British and they wouldn't let him sing that because he swore so he had to sing we beat the ruddy British
[Martin:] right
[Lynn:] and they were say and then he and at the end they all sang, there was Joe Brown, Lonnie Donegan, Bert Weedon, all the old nineteen fifties stars, Hank Marvin and all that and they were all singing and he sang that song with bloody in it
[Martin:] huh, was Cliff Richard there?
[Lynn:] no... so it was saying how times have changed, but they used to be very, very stuck up and it showed some of the early programmes and how people used to talk, oh so frightfully posh and so frightfully gorgeous and the words, and, it's rather pleasant isn't it, really rather nice
[Martin:] knickers
[Lynn:] think we used to talk like that, what happened?
[Martin:] dunno
[Lynn:] I mean whenever you see old films
[Martin:] er all greasy
[Lynn:] this and every things in and the Americans always portray the British as being oh jolly, stiff upper lip, don't they?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] god only knows why
[Martin:] cos they've watched the fifties films that's why
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]... said in the paper today that Michael Barrymore mother is very concerned about him because he's lost a lot of weight
[Martin:] oh I his got nervous exhaustion ain't he?
[Lynn:] and it says there's been tales in the paper about him, I ain't read any
[Martin:] I have
[Lynn:] that's what there reckoning he's got AIDS, is that what there saying?
[Martin:] no their saying, I don't know he's got nervous exj exhaustion
[Lynn:] he looks terrible actually... I said to Dave the other week I said ain't he lost weight, look at his face, he's so thin
[Martin:] I haven't seen a ph picture of him
[Lynn:] he was on last night, now that's quite a good programme
[Martin:] what his programme?
[Lynn:] it's not Strike It Lucky, I can't stand that
[Martin:] it's called Barrymore
[Lynn:] yeah, that's good, he gets people out the audience and he goes out and about and sort of meets people with talent and gets them to do singing and that
[Martin:] with people with bad throats
[Lynn:] no, he's good... it was funny... there was some can can dancers on at the end and there were sort of ladies in their sixties and he joined them
[Martin:] oh god
[Lynn:] he's got such long rubber legs hasn't he, he looked ridiculous, but he aint 'arf gone thin, he's really gone thin... so, now do I have to bake this blind first
[Martin:] what's that mean?
[Lynn:] well
[Martin:] do it with your eyes shut
[Lynn:] yeah, no you put it in the, yes bake blind in the oven at two hundred degrees, two hundred, mark six
[Martin:] you better teach me how to make gravy if I'm going to polytechnic, because I don't know how to do it
[Lynn:] well the best thing to do for Martin is get a, a
[Martin:] oven
[Lynn:] a packet of Bisto gravy granules
[Martin:] is get a woman in
[Lynn:] and you just, yeah that's right just get a woman in, er Bisto gravy granules and you just have, oops hot water and then that's it simple
[Martin:] I'm gonna do that then
[Lynn:] it's alright, it's quite easy
[Martin:] oh beggar...
[Lynn:] right bake that blind for ten minutes
[Martin:] what's that mean break, bake blind?
[Lynn:] well if you got pastry right, and you have to put a sponge on top like this is, it would go soggy, it wouldn't go hard would it?, so if you bake it blind you're baking pastry on its without anything on
[Martin:] eh, whole nut smashing
[Lynn:] this one's actually plum jam, but I will use a substitution
[Martin:] jam, raspberry
[Lynn:] er right, I've got to make the sponge now, done that
[Martin:] eh, oh its another one, beauty...
[Lynn:] almond flavouring, have I got any? just mind your head a minute while I open the cupboard, don't know
[Martin:] scrap the bowl off those...
[Lynn:] that's a point I could always grind some nuts up, with any luck, chocolate, colouring... red food colouring
[Martin:] gosh you've had that a long time
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] twenty P
[Lynn:] yeah, peppermint flavouring, artificial cochineal, green food colouring
[Martin:] cochineal, er that comes from beetles
[Lynn:] I know, cockroach's insect, I don't use those cos they say colours make children go hyperactive, used to stop using them when we had Geoffrey, cos he always used to go berserk
[Martin:] yes
[Lynn:] so I'll have to grind some, almond flavouring right, self raising flour
[Martin:] it's taking ages, oh can I have another cup of coffee?
[Lynn:] I'll bung the kettle on
[Martin:] begger... begger me...
[Lynn:] that's what Phyllis says
[Martin:] what?
[Lynn:] oh you begger nurse Lynn, [LAUGHTER] and I go in, oh we do get in some pickles nurse Lynn, oh you begger
[Martin:] I don't even think I've done half of these yet...
[Lynn:] you're doing well, four ounces of flour
[Martin:] oh, beauty, photograph that one
[Lynn:] yes...
[Martin:] play it right, went to the Rose and Crown after South Crostade and played darts
[Lynn:] pub crawl eh, Rose and Crown oh yeah, what's down there?
[Martin:] yeah, I played darts against this bloke, scratch golfer
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Martin:] plays off none
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] and I think, and he plays at Leicestershire
[Lynn:] what's his name?
[Martin:] I don't know...
[Lynn:] was he good at darts as well?
[Martin:] yes he, bit right, we played three men, you know you supposed to do it, it supposed to be five hundred and one
[Lynn:] yes
[Martin:] well because there was three of us we went, it was seven hundred and one, like, their go, first bloke got a hundred and eighty, next one got a hundred and forty, this one got a hundred and twenty and me and Matt got about forty each and Rick and we were stuffed... just bit, have you been watching any of the darts? dead interesting
[Lynn:] I was watching snooker last night
[Martin:] oh that's darts innit?, oh right Davis won
[Lynn:] dunno what the score, did he?
[Martin:] yes
[Lynn:] did he? I didn't think he would
[Martin:] it's er nine eight I think it was
[Lynn:] oh close then... er it's Davis said absolutely stupid thing he really did
[Martin:] Davis did?
[Lynn:] yeah, I couldn't believe it I mean you go back five years he'd never done things like that, he erm, missed the most easiest reds and left it right over the pocket and then Stephen Hendry went on and cleared up the whole frame, got a break of over a hundred
[Martin:] oh I saw that one
[Lynn:] mm, that was typical mind you I think he needed this win to boost his confidence cos he's not been doing at all well has he lately?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] ... I want to use this, I can't believe its not butter butter
[Martin:] that's been in the fridge nine weeks
[Lynn:] it doesn't matter, butter keeps in the fridge...
[Martin:] apart from when grandma gives it ya
[Lynn:] she has to taste it first
[Martin:] oh god got a bad stiff neck
[Lynn:] you still got a stiff neck?
[Martin:] yeah...
[Lynn:] I think you ought to go to the doctor's about that
[Martin:] I dunno
[Lynn:] well... have a stiff neck
[Martin:] it weren't bad yesterday
[Lynn:] oh I never understand it
[Martin:] and it weren't bad Friday but it's come on again now...
[Lynn:] coming on well
[Martin:] yeah...
[Lynn:] look at that cat can't you tell it's Sunday
[Martin:] yeah cat hovering
[Lynn:] it's always in the kitchen when it's Sunday, see if she can get in the oven quick, if she had a pair of oven gloves, she'd get the meat out herself...
[Martin:] this is well er annoying this is
[Lynn:] why?
[Martin:] doing this
[Lynn:] I know I give it to you, so time consuming
[Martin:] I had a beauty I had a run there I had about four in a row which came out whole, but now I'm getting crushed nuts
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] very painful
[Lynn:] it doesn't matter because I can put them in the sponge
[Martin:] you'll have to do something with them...
[Lynn:] what have I got to put which is very urgh, butter, no, sugar, one egg separated plus one egg yoke, how ridiculous what have I got to do there? er, whisk the butter and sugar until followed by
[Martin:] now this could be better, oh yes, slightly better... that shot off nicely somewhere
[Lynn:] where have I put me eggs?
[Martin:] er, I'm over hitting these
[Lynn:] you're not playing golf
[Martin:] no, I'm thrashing them too hard
[Lynn:] now what's that, one egg plus an egg yoke... right...
[Martin:] you beauty
[Lynn:] Stephanie likes cooking
[Martin:] I don't, I like eating it
[Lynn:] don't you like cooking at all?
[Martin:] not since my disaster with the soup in the second year
[Lynn:] oh that was terrible, mm
[Martin:] tell you what it seems ages since I was in the first year, but not very long since I was in the second year
[Lynn:] oh it does
[Martin:] don't to me
[Lynn:] why you don't want to be put off, gosh the number of things I've done that have not turned out
[Martin:] like Yorkshire pudding every Saturday, every Sunday
[Lynn:] well it never cooks properly does it?
[Martin:] yes, well I've heard this before I know I've noticed
[Lynn:] is that the cat meowing then?... tough luck if you want to go out, right so I've got this, butter, sugar, flour... eggs, salt, lemon juice, I haven't got any
[Martin:] I'm not getting much revision done here mother
[Lynn:] no, well you can do some later, I thought I had a bottle of lemon juice in the fridge, not the fridge... Robert loves Cadbury's cream eggs
[Martin:] I noticed
[Lynn:] last night, yesterday he had one and he said can I have another cream egg, so I said alright, cos there was a box of six, which means he's had two out the six, he said to me this morning, got any more cream eggs so I said not for you, you've got one for Martin, so I said yes, I'll have his then
[Martin:] cheek
[Lynn:] he did, I'll have his then, I said no you won't, but I like them, I know, but you can't have Martin's, as Martin will cry, I buy him another one... he's absolutely mad on cream eggs, you never liked them when you were at his age, you don't really like them much now do ya?
[Martin:] bit sickly, but I'll eat one
[Lynn:] when you look at the waste, a big bowl of waste and a couple of nuts, never mind.
[Martin:] I think we can all learn a thing or too from that... oh er that sounded nice that that sounds even better, oh I've cracked it right down the bloody middle
[Lynn:] don't swear, ooh you're doing well, if I get some of these bits, if I get the whole ones and the big pieces they can go on the top and that
[Martin:] there are mum there's another big piece coming for ya
[Lynn:] the little bits I shall crush
[Martin:] there's another big piece here, well, no little... well greasy these are
[Lynn:] greasy? well nuts are there oily aren't they? right I've got to crush these in with this stuff
[Martin:] what you doing with these here?
[Lynn:] leave them there I'm gonna use them for the top
[Martin:] huh, ain't gonna have many on the top at this rate are we?... oh lovely got another one for the top, cracker
[Lynn:] no I don't want a Christmas cracker I think
[Martin:] that's a full one that is
[Lynn:] now then
[Martin:] now how did I do it?... not like that obviously... oh that's it, I'm getting a fifty percent success rate of whole ones to small ones here
[Lynn:] oh that'll be good
[Martin:] and this is another
[Lynn:] you not got a driving lesson this week then?
[Martin:] no I've two the week after...
[Lynn:] did he teach you what did he teach you? mirrors last week
[Martin:] yeah, we go out, are you, if you, oh you bugger, I had four in the row now, beauties.
[Lynn:] go out what?
[Martin:] if we go driving, I'll, I'll show you all the manoeuvres I can do, which is all of them
[Lynn:] so what's left?...
[Martin:] pol polish up on the mirrors and get ready for a mock test...
[Lynn:] oh right... do you think Richard's a good driver?
[Martin:] I don't know, yeah, but, I don't think he's bad
[Lynn:] but, don't forget even when you've passed your test, your test you're still learning, you still make mistakes and still do things wrong I mean I do even now... it's not what you do wrong it's how you get out of it, isn't it?
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] as long as you can get out of it....
[Martin:] you'll be quite pleased with this cos I'm getting some really good big bits out now
[Lynn:] right I'll, last week I was in the surgery one day to help Sue and she had
[Martin:] ow
[Lynn:] to do an E C G on this man, well I hadn't done one for quite a while and I'd forgot really, not forgot what to do but I'm not very familiar with the E C G machines because it's a new electronic machine and its
[Martin:] what's one of them an E C G?
[Lynn:] an electro cardiograph, it's a tracing of the electrical il impulses from the heart given off by the heart and this chap came in he'd never had one before and he was nervous anyway, so I'm trying to put him at his ease and I, I put, you have to put like a rubber band round their arms and legs and attach erm electrodes to them, you don't feel anything, you're only measuring the electrical impulses given off by the heart
[Martin:] I'm, get this
[Lynn:] so I've got him all wound, all er geared up for this E C G
[Martin:] and failed it
[Lynn:] I hadn't switched the machine on
[Martin:] you wally
[Lynn:] and I was er, I try and switch the machine on it wouldn't come on, I thought what's going on here, so I said to Sue, can't switch the machine on Sue what's going on here?, anyway, apparently the power supply to the machine was a bit dicky, the
[Martin:] er, er
[Lynn:] what?
[Martin:] do you call that frizzle?
[Lynn:] no, that's a bad one, the er power supply to the machine, the lead it was, there was a break in the circuit and it kept going on and off, so actually I was switching it on right, it just wasn't coming on, so she says oh use it by the battery cos its battery as well as electric
[Martin:] where's my cup of coffee?
[Lynn:] alright just shut up a minute, I'm talking to ya, so she said afterwards oh I says that was good weren't it couldn't even switch the machine on and she said it doesn't matter does it, she said it's not what happens its the way you deal with it, and I made a joke of it and I said to him oh this is good in't it? relax you're in safe hands I can't even switch the machine on, but anyway I did it in the end and he was alright, and he said thank you very much, that was, you were very good, you were very kind, cos it is frightening and one thing I said to him don't hold your breath, because people think when their having an E C G they've gotta hold their breath for some reason, just lie there take a deep breath and don't breathe again... but you've never had one so you wouldn't no, I'm just going to mix this up...
[Martin:] they're coming out better now
[Lynn:] oh good...
[Martin:] oh that's got two in it
[Lynn:] see them
[Martin:] and I got them both out whole an all
[Lynn:] used to, sometimes get double yoke eggs
[Martin:] why you mean used to?
[Lynn:] I've not seen a double yoke egg for a long, long time, I don't know why, but sometimes you used to get a box of six and nearly all of them would be double yoke for some reason, don't ask me why, I don't know, where's your cup?, did you bring it in?
[Martin:] no, I shall go and fetch it... yes I... I must have brought it in
[Lynn:] which one did you have?
[Martin:] erm
[Lynn:] what's it there?
[Martin:] yes, the red one, the red one which
[Lynn:] I've put it I think I've put it in the dishwasher
[Martin:] well it makes it look, well it looks like the er paints fading off it
[Lynn:] I know it was like that when we had it, well all these mugs that you get from the petrol station are all seconds any way
[Martin:] are they?
[Lynn:] yeah... they're all the, they must sell them, the perfect ones and the second ones they sort of er petrol station cos they've all got slight faults on them....
[Martin:] cor that's a big 'un, looks grand
[Lynn:] getting warm in here isn't it?
[Martin:] I know
[Lynn:] oh they're good
[Martin:] leave them I shall sort them out in a moment
[Lynn:] is that all the w all the erm almonds out of both packs?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] oh excellent, oh that's fine
[Martin:] bloody well hope so too oh another manky one...
[Lynn:] I like that advertisement on the television this woman in America
[Martin:] ah with the walnuts and she does that
[Lynn:] that cracks the walnuts in her hand I'd like to see somebody do that
[Martin:] she does it on er, the, the inside of her elbow joint
[Lynn:] that's it and over to you, crunch, I don't know how she does it, got muscles like Samson
[Martin:] she doesn't say she's Miss United States body builder nineteen ninety one
[Lynn:] no... erm blackcurrant or apricot?
[Martin:] blackcurrant
[Lynn:] blackcurrant... I love these jars with the fruity lids don't you?, good aren't they?
[Martin:] mm, mm my favourites
[Lynn:] god, right... blackcurrant jam, what's the time, it's five to one
[Martin:] ten to
[Lynn:] that clock's a bit fast then... plenty of jam, don't like to skimp, haven't seen grandma, haven't heard from grandma today
[Martin:] no, it's er minor catastrophe isn't it?... oh damn
[Lynn:] I think that should have been Plymouth, I thought Plymouth were high on the league, they're not, they're near bottom
[Martin:] yeah I know, but they haven't lost a home match for seven months for
[Lynn:] oh didn't know that
[Martin:] seven, seven or eight weeks
[Lynn:] oh they're on a winning er...
[Martin:] they've won the last six home matches
[Lynn:] Plymouth have?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] oh at least they've broke that run haven't they?
[Martin:] haven't, Leicester never do well when they're at, if they go away, if they play away, if they go right down South or if they go right up North they'll get beaten every time
[Lynn:] why's that then?
[Martin:] I don't know
[Lynn:] think because of the travelling
[Martin:] I don't know, they always get beaten seriously by Newcastle, Middlesbrough, Sunderland
[Lynn:] what matches have they got left?, are they in with a chance of promotion?
[Martin:] yes, I should think so
[Lynn:] have they got hard matches left or
[Martin:] I don't know, there's still got a long way to go though
[Lynn:] well, I was disappointed when it showed the league table they weren't even in the top six, but they're seventh, huh... but there's two, two teams above them have played one more game than them, but then
[Martin:] there's probably two above them that have played one less
[Lynn:] that's right...
[Martin:] so they would go up to fifth
[Lynn:] mm... but there's only sort of five points that divides all the top seven
[Martin:] yeah I know
[Lynn:] and like the first division there's
[Martin:] well
[Lynn:] even bigger leaders ain't there?
[Martin:] well yeah just the match before, the Saturday before New Year, there's one point covering the top six
[Lynn:] mm.
[Martin:] and if Leicester had beaten I forgot who it was, whoever they drew against, they would have been third.
[Lynn:] What makes it, what makes them improve so, the team makes it the same doesn't it?
[Martin:] confidence
[Lynn:] mm and when you start winning you, it boosts your
[Martin:] that's what I mean confidence
[Lynn:] right... let's have a look at this banana chocolate thing... don't know what's that gonna be like, I've never made that before. Could be roast potatoes
[Martin:] this is sounding great this is, I'm, every time I crack a nut I hurt, hurt me hand, these last three won't crack
[Lynn:] well you've done very well I, I could never crack any of them, so, huh
[Martin:] I'll get out all the whole ones
[Lynn:] it don't matter I'm gonna chop 'em up anyway
[Martin:] no well I'm gonna do it any way
[Lynn:] want to slice
[Martin:] want...
[Lynn:] have you read the paper today? no you haven't didn't
[Martin:] no I didn't get up till twelve
[Lynn:] of course you haven't, what was I going to say, the er, that Marquis of Blandford is it?
[Martin:] Marquis of Blandford, speeding and all the other
[Lynn:] yeah, his wife posed in a sexy picture in her underwear
[Martin:] yeah it's Rebecca
[Lynn:] stockings and suspender belt and the Marquis of Blandford's father has called her a, a slutty little something or other
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] which is quite rich coming from him, considering his son's been in prison I don't think
[Martin:] yeah... here are, I shall go and just get the paper.
[Lynn:] right, thank you, very well done...
[Martin:] Oh not Catherine bleeding Zeta Jones again I don't even think she's nice
[Lynn:] Some clothes on her makes her look like a right podgy country maiden don't it?
[Martin:] you thought of the classics you do, podgy country maiden
[Lynn:] well she does, she's got a fat face
[Martin:] nice... I don't, well I definitely don't think she's that nice... oh I see what you mean Leicester are seventh
[Lynn:] mm...
[Martin:] oh they came from two nil down as well
[Lynn:] I know, I know they did, one was an own goal
[Martin:] and the other one was er
[Lynn:] but then if you read the report of the match it said they could have won by more than that, they did all playing they were just unlucky, but he's pleased with the result
[Martin:] yeah it's not bad
[Lynn:] now, then got to chop these nuts up now...
[Martin:] best thing to do when you see the football results is to look at who their playing next week, and then you can get a fair idea of who's gonna do what
[Lynn:] yeah, who they playing next week then?
[Martin:] Swindon at home and Swindon are right er below them by one
[Lynn:] by one
[Martin:] no the place below them
[Lynn:] but er they're playing at home
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] so that's an advantage int it?
[Martin:] Blackburn are away to Portsmouth who are both above Leicester, Southend, Southend, Southend should beat Bristol City... Camb Cambridge... Middlesbrough have got Millwall at ho away, well yeah don't know... oh Sunderland did well
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] beat Millwall six two
[Lynn:] huh
[Martin:] it was only one one at half time
[Lynn:] good lord
[Martin:] five in the second half, bloody hell three goals in three minutes, fifty five, fifty seven, fifty eight... Don Goodman this bloke got a hat-trick, he got it within fifteen minutes
[Lynn:] oh dear
[Martin:] Ian St. John holds the wor holds the Scottish record for the fastest hat-trick
[Lynn:] why what did he do?
[Martin:] he got three goals in two minutes
[Lynn:] good lord
[Martin:] for Motherwell... this paper is only interested in two sports and that is football, cricket...
[Lynn:] see that pigeon
[Martin:] mm from Ann isn't it probably?
[Lynn:] mm, she does, no she's got doves, keeps doves and animals and birds like that doesn't she?
[Martin:] yeah a bit strange I suppose
[Lynn:] got loads of doves
[Martin:] yeah I know, dunno why she wants to keep all them I'm sure
[Lynn:] mm... Rory still going out with his girl friend?
[Martin:] I don't think, I don't know, I think he might be, I couldn't tell you though... no...
[Lynn:] not so easy as you think getting jobs
[Martin:] mm...
[Lynn:] this is where the schools I think are partly to blame, okay, yes they encourage you to do exams which is good... but they don't tell you that you're gonna have difficulty getting a job even if you get A levels and all that, they sort of say oh yeah you, you stand a better chance of getting a job, but, its still, its still difficult. Sue and I go to this cafe, I told you at Newtown didn't I?
[Martin:] Sue and who?
[Lynn:] Sue and I
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] yeah, and there's just a little tea room and they sell, lunches at dinner time and teas in the afternoon, right opposite Bradgate's Park
[Martin:] oh that one
[Lynn:] yeah and the girls that serve in there, there's three girls that serve in there, one works in the kitchen actually helping with the food, but the other two serve at the tables, they've all got A levels but they can't get jobs
[Martin:] mm, oh dear...
[Lynn:] look at this it looks pretty good doesn't it?
[Martin:] yeah it does, not too bad, I don't think they'll be enough nuts to tell you the truth...
[Lynn:] now I've got to make this top for this banana and chocolate cake
[Martin:] what's the topping?
[Lynn:] chocolate something or other
[Martin:] you want to cut a piece off and let me see what it's like...
[Lynn:] oh when I've finished doing this I might... Has Matthew decided what he's going to do? has he applied for university?
[Martin:] yeah he's got an appl an offer
[Lynn:] what university or college?
[Martin:] er Bristol Poly
[Lynn:] oh right, what's he want to do?
[Martin:] marketing, he's been offered two D's
[Lynn:] mm, yes, that's alright isn't it, he should do that shouldn't he? is he quite bright?
[Martin:] should do it... and if he doesn't I'd be, I'd be surprised
[Lynn:] marketing what's he want to do then?
[Martin:] I don't know, I couldn't tell you... I really don't know
[Lynn:] well what do you want to do?
[Martin:] me?
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] I'm not sure, I don't know
[Lynn:] mm any ideas have you got about a job you'd like to do?
[Martin:] television something like that
[Lynn:] oh yes but that's gonna be very difficult Martin
[Martin:] no research in of that
[Lynn:] job like that...
[Martin:] mm with difficulty I suppose
[Lynn:] mm I know...
[Martin:] very difficult but if that's what you want to do
[Lynn:] I know, but you've got to sort of set your sights realistically haven't you? and there's a lot
[Martin:] yeah I know
[Lynn:] of people unemployed and what are you going to do when you eventually leave college if you get there?
[Martin:] what?
[Lynn:] you're not gonna step straight into television
[Martin:] no I know, I don't know though... could go into a bank or something like that
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] [sniff]... there's lots of things though...
[Lynn:] right then, let's see now what we're doing, where's that recipe book for that chocolate and banana cake? chocolate and banana cake which book was it?
[Martin:] it was in the folder
[Lynn:] oh right... oh some of these chocolate cakes are absolutely mm, mm
[Martin:] I'm not so keen on chocolate cakes
[Lynn:] mm right what's
[Martin:] me
[Lynn:] the topping? what's that icing sugar?
[Martin:] I can take it or leave it
[Lynn:] cocoa powder and vanilla essence oh luckily I've got all those, I think, yes
[Martin:] oh that cream, creme de la creme looks nice
[Lynn:] I don't like cream caramel it taste burnt
[Martin:] oh that don't look like, is that cream caramel?
[Lynn:] oh that looks like
[Martin:] egg custard I don't like that at all
[Lynn:] oh I like the ones you buy, but I, my mother used to make one every Sunday and it tasted horrible, tasted eggy
[Martin:] you never guess what Andy Spence's mum did when I went up there for dinner once?, it's vile
[Lynn:] what
[Martin:] eggs in custard
[Lynn:] eggs in custard what's that?
[Martin:] poached eggs in custard
[Lynn:] custard?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] poached eggs in custard?
[Martin:] yes
[Lynn:] I've never heard of it
[Martin:] it was awful
[Lynn:] sounds terrible
[Martin:] I didn't eat it
[Lynn:] savoury or sweet?
[Martin:] sweet
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] cut me a, hacker off
[Lynn:] did he like it?
[Martin:] yeah I think so, well he eat it, whether that was because he had to I don't know, but he did
[Lynn:] he's doing cooking isn't he?
[Martin:] yeah...
[speaker001:] Ah... get out... I'm not keen on these ones with the
[Martin:] personally...
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] huh not more
[Lynn:] can't do, oh that's good [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] why might got to employ the cat don't you?...
[Lynn:] what is it?
[Martin:] must've been already off though
[Geoff:] Er the cat in Go Cat
[Martin:] yucky, yucky...
[Lynn:] oh death trap
[Martin:] no he ain't gonna open the door, no he can't open the door
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] well that's clever innit leaving the door open...
[Geoff:] how funny, clever how it's done isn't it?
[Lynn:] that
[Martin:] oh lovely boy
[Lynn:] go on...
[Martin:] got him
[speaker001:] ... ...
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] wouldn't you kill that fellow for doing that, that's what you call bare-faced cheek...
[Geoff:] oh no, she walked off without it
[Martin:] it's a he
[Lynn:] it's a bloke
[Martin:] he's also got hairy legs, as well as the lump in his pants... [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER] her knickers off, oh you devil
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Martin:] that's, that's Richard's that is, does has done that, I've seen him done loads
[Lynn:] what sit down with his flies undone?
[Martin:] pass
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] oh yeah funny, tell you about when he went to court
[Lynn:] court?
[Martin:] he went to court and he says oh about Jane
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] what happened to her?
[Lynn:] her strap has fell down
[Geoff:] oh you bugger... she's caught
[Lynn:] I know... [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] wouldn't you die?... one of the bits of her wedding dress
[Geoff:] that's gonna pop
[Martin:] oh that's a nice new bike in it?
[Geoff:] that's gonna pop in it?...
[Martin:] it's not
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] ripped his trousers
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] oh no I know
[Martin:] now that was silly, that bloke's gonna go in in a minute I'm sure, or one of the kids is gonna do a really weedy jump...
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] cor yeah look they'll go back
[Martin:] oh nightmare...
[Lynn:] eh that looks like Foxton
[Martin:] no it's not that hilly, not that woody
[Lynn:] oh goodness no
[Martin:] oh lovely
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] he's black
[Martin:] hey that's disgusting
[Geoff:] he's
[Lynn:] oh look at the black... oh dear
[Martin:] that's seriously gross...
[Lynn:] that's never gonna work
[Martin:] it's gonna snap, it's gonna snap
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER] I like that
[Martin:] that is absolutely ridiculous that is
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] sensible that is sensible
[Geoff:] yes, clever ride there, there... oh God look at the state of him before he falls in
[Lynn:] yeah, looks like he's fell in half a dozen times
[Martin:] probably been practising for the camera
[Geoff:] oh that's clever yes ha, ha
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] oh dear
[Geoff:] er
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] these are, these good this week actually
[Lynn:] yeah
[Geoff:] oh watch him done, over there look...
[Martin:] he's gonna come someone's
[Geoff:] he's gonna
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] oh I've seen these before, that water looks mucky an all
[Lynn:] look, look, look, oh well
[Geoff:] someone's letting the rope down
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] ah, er that's a lovely one
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] oh this is amazing
[Martin:] I'd hang my feet, I'd hang my feet over the top
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] he's still hanging on
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] got his head ducked in, oh that was funny that one
[Geoff:] oh
[Lynn:] well tried [LAUGHTER] oh dear... [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] yes, how did you do that?
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] oh no
[Lynn:] is it easy to do that?
[Martin:] no, you have to really do a snub underneath
[Geoff:] he's got a blade on the end of it
[Lynn:] must have a, a point on the end of it the cloth
[Martin:] it's Jack The Ripper shot that is
[Lynn:] oh dear, they're, they're better than caught in the act aren't they? they're quite
[Geoff:] yeah
[Martin:] I never saw them
[Lynn:] they weren't laughable were they?
[Geoff:] slightly funny some of them
[Lynn:] yeah, but they weren't funny as this lot.... Yeah, where they hang out then oh
[Dave:] pass the
[Lynn:] yeah oh, don't have much luck with that van does he?
[Dave:] well when you do twenty thousand miles of
[Lynn:] mm... if he had it serviced regularly would it stop it do you think?, still have to have the work done?
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] kid's gotta be blind
[Lynn:] that's a big job as well
[Martin:] oh referee
[Geoff:] oh have me glasses...
[Lynn:] good lord
[Geoff:] er
[Lynn:] fancy doing that
[Martin:] gotta be mad
[Lynn:] changing yourself from
[Geoff:] from English to a Jap
[Lynn:] an English to oriental
[Martin:] that's disgusting that
[Lynn:] slitty eye Prince, Prince Philip's son if he stayed here
[Martin:] slitty eyed git
[Lynn:] if he stayed here long enough he'll tu he'll be slitty eyed
[Geoff:] nothing these days goes down well with them
[Lynn:] mm?
[Geoff:] nothing these days goes down well with them
[Lynn:] yeah but that's
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] is that what er Prince Andrew said
[Geoff:] what they said about Maxwell, he was like a dodgy seaman
[Lynn:] no he never said that
[Martin:] no that's the, that's Freddie Mercury and Robert Maxwell that is
[Geoff:] oh yeah
[Martin:] dodgy seaman
[Lynn:] oh I've not heard that
[Geoff:] do you want to hear it?
[Martin:] no I don't think so
[Lynn:] so what you doing on it's had to see granddad, Pat's coming to pick you up?
[Geoff:] are you going Mart?
[Martin:] I don't know
[Geoff:] please
[Martin:] I don't know shut up
[Geoff:] you have to
[Martin:] how do you know?
[Geoff:] I'm gonna have special chicken or something
[Lynn:] what's special chicken?
[Geoff:] chicken with mixed up with breadcrumbs and walnuts, in it?
[Martin:] I dunno I might do I might
[Lynn:] Martin's not smiling he doesn't like the idea
[Martin:] I dunno, I might go, I might not, millions of things, millions of options are opening
[Lynn:] your hectic social diary
[Martin:] exactly, precisely what can I say
[Geoff:] you have, you have what you're having
[Lynn:] er are let's look
[Geoff:] you'll have all your money won't you from that thingy doing... oh yeah
[Lynn:] he's gone, he's gone
[Martin:] that's what you call out of order in it?
[Geoff:] oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] oh he's going oh that's a good way to mow the lawn
[Lynn:] gone without him
[Geoff:] calm down Mr
[Lynn:] oh dear
[Geoff:] let's see
[Lynn:] don't do that with your toenails, I'm glad he's not interviewing people it's better ain't it?
[Geoff:] yeah
[Martin:] he's got a totally short hand you know well, yeah
[Lynn:] oh no
[Martin:] I love these, cos
[Lynn:] men at work
[Geoff:] oh you devil
[Lynn:] oh no
[Geoff:] the wall collapsed
[Lynn:] that weren't concreted then was it?
[Geoff:] the debris falling
[Lynn:] oh [LAUGHTER] oh...
[Martin:] it's gonna fall, it's gonna fall
[Lynn:] oh no
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER] oh no
[Lynn:] oh yes oh [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] what the hell's that that's just fell on his head?
[Lynn:] you were funny with that wheelbarrow out the front, out the back here this afternoon
[Dave:] who?
[Lynn:] you
[Dave:] why then?
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] he's gonna
[Lynn:] oh you devil
[Geoff:] oh you devil what happened there?
[Dave:] cleaned the drains out
[Geoff:] yeah oh you devil
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER] bugger me... someone's gonna come in
[Lynn:] come in... [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER] got, don't you just love those, oh dear, right there
[Geoff:] it's, it's better if you get an interview, but...
[Lynn:] my daughter
[Martin:] [mimicking Scottish accent] I did when I found out I got two hundred and fifty poonds for it []
[Lynn:] yeah [LAUGHTER] pounds for it
[Martin:] no poonds
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] he has got a short hand, look at all his fingers they look like they've all been trimmed off
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER] he's had a finger cut
[Lynn:] oh the wedding
[Martin:] it look's like a wedding to me
[Lynn:] oops she's lost her hat
[Martin:] he's gonna, summat
[Lynn:] oh [LAUGHTER] oh my good God
[Martin:] wouldn't you cry if that happened?
[Lynn:] oh no [LAUGHTER] oh he's got some cheek
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] oh [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] just die
[Martin:] her skirt falling down in church
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] oh God [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] these are good
[Martin:] shut up Geoff
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] oh dear, oh dear lord
[Martin:] look at it, that's totally had it ain't it?
[Lynn:] oh fancy losing your skirt like that
[Martin:] he jerked
[Lynn:] shut up, with the skirt on, let that be a lesson to you always wear an underskirt
[Geoff:] yeah, of course I should wear an underskirt with a pair of trousers
[Lynn:] don't forget to go out with ya
[Martin:] this is this is a security camera in a shop
[Geoff:] oh no... he'll fall in
[Lynn:] he's not gonna fall in the fridge is he?... oh God... [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] I bet he'll come out with ice cream, aha no [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] that
[Lynn:] oh dear
[Geoff:] he's look
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] oh no, nightmare
[Lynn:] oh super
[Geoff:] freezing...
[Lynn:] really thought
[Martin:] it must be deep...
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] a couple of minutes
[Geoff:] yeah his lips not
[Lynn:] absolutely awful... oh that's nice
[Geoff:] yeah I give it to him
[Martin:] I bet they're thanking them for getting two hundred and fifty nicker
[Lynn:] yeah that shop's highly delighted... I love those wedding ones coming out that church
[Martin:] oh, oh Hawaii Five O
[Lynn:] [humming] da, da, da, da, da, da [] oh, oh... [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] like that one
[Martin:] why they just carry that on...
[Lynn:] oh he's lost the end of his trombone [LAUGHTER]... oh what's on fire... on fire
[Martin:] crucial music
[Geoff:] crucial... he's jum how comes his jumper's on fire?, wagging it or something?
[Martin:] show man respect
[Lynn:] some will ask them out...
[Martin:] he's going off the side
[Lynn:] oh you devil, what a long drop
[Martin:] he must've fell about six feet
[Geoff:] that's dead funny those
[Martin:] he's going off that chair...
[Lynn:] Muffin the mule oh
[Geoff:] ah
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] I like that
[Lynn:] gosh
[Geoff:] what you laughing for?, I wouldn't laugh
[Lynn:] oh
[Geoff:] silly mummy... oh dear table's wobbling
[Lynn:] oh dear
[Martin:] that's what you call vigorous isn't it really?
[Lynn:] oh dear [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] the other one's gonna go rolling down the stairs...
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] oh that looks like er Jesus we love you festival doesn't it?
[Lynn:] I still like those wedding ones, with them coming out the church flying...
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] oh no
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] can't hear her
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] oh God
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] terrible [LAUGHTER]...
[Martin:] oh you cow
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] that's what you call don't F in it?, don't er
[Lynn:] oh isn't that awful?
[Martin:] [mimics singing]
[Geoff:] [singing] I love you []
[Martin:] yes Dame Kiri's turning in her grave... oh this was funny
[Lynn:] ah
[Martin:] I don't think this was that good, that cat opening the door
[Lynn:] it's not funny, it's clever though int it?...
[Geoff:] probably
[Martin:] nor was this funny
[Geoff:] they always have the silly one at the interview don't they, the interview
[Martin:] I think that bloke coming off the ladder with the buckets of paint would've been funnier than them it was, cos they interviewed him
[Geoff:] oh... four
[Martin:] er, yeah, I like the one when that car run over that woman's hat...
[Geoff:] oh yes
[Martin:] it's gotta be the kid on the sports day, your joking me...
[Lynn:] he's not won anything
[Martin:] he ain't gonna get a quid is he?
[Lynn:] no... why's he gonna get it?...
[Geoff:] yeah he's
[Lynn:] perhaps Eileen will give him some
[Martin:] she ought to...
[Lynn:] yeah, a free ice cream
[Martin:] for ever
[Geoff:] can I have a free ice cream
[Martin:] as long as you get it yourself
[Geoff:] yeah, yeah
[Lynn:] cor what's that shot
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] just for you, just sincerely...
[Geoff:] he's burning the ice cream, you know it, you know it [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER] a rude awakening
[Lynn:] oh
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]...
[Lynn:] oh there's still
[Martin:] fat bugger
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] there's, they're silly them
[Martin:] no they're good they are, so you don't
[Lynn:] oh look ain't that, that same bird
[Martin:] no
[Geoff:] yeah [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] I thought she was a
[Martin:] she usually put the, oh no
[Lynn:] I can't believe how safe...
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER] oh you bugger
[Lynn:] he's still asleep... no
[Dave:] yoghurt, bar of chocolate
[Lynn:] no, have you seen how many calories in a have you had your creme egg yet Martin?
[Martin:] no I haven't indeed
[Lynn:] get Martin's otherwise Bobby I'll eat it
[Martin:] I'm highly unfortunate young man
[Lynn:] if you don't have your creme egg Bobby I'll pinch it
[Geoff:] why?, well what the hell am I gonna do with it?
[Lynn:] no I don't want it thank you
[Martin:] Geoff's greased up to the nines after putting on a eig eight tonne of Oil of Ulay
[Lynn:] you'll slide into bed tonight
[Martin:] he'll slip between the duvet
[Geoff:] is that sting or what mum?...
[Lynn:] we've got the lovely array of mugs, I've got to say
[Geoff:] yeah, half of then are mine
[Lynn:] Postman Pat, Garfield... Turtles, Paddington Bear or erm...
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] have you put our electric water on? is it very foggy out?, have a look at the fog Martin, see if it's
[Geoff:] no
[Martin:] fogerific, you can't tell
[Lynn:] fogerific
[Martin:] fogtabulous absolutely fogtabulous... absolutely fogadab
[Lynn:] what other word do they use to say?
[Martin:] fogadabadogulous
[Lynn:] fogadabadogulous and you used to say... oh yes they're having
[Martin:] cherry
[Lynn:] another birthday you
[Martin:] oh fantastic...
[Lynn:] that was really good that
[Geoff:] put your teeth on... aha... [singing] yes it is, don't lie []
[Lynn:] don't you just love those creme eggs?... I do not
[Geoff:] you make it sound like
[Lynn:] when I was a child they were much bigger than that
[Geoff:] yeah I know, I know they
[Lynn:] now you can stick a whole one in your mouth and eat it in one go, can't you Martin? [LAUGHTER], yes Martin it is it that you did
[Martin:] yeah yeah
[Lynn:] rammed it in all in one
[Geoff:] is the tape recorder
[Lynn:] show me then, I think I'm gonna have to throw those chocolate cakes away
[Martin:] this plays on
[Geoff:] let go then, let go
[Martin:] I just found it on three
[Geoff:] no you ain't
[Lynn:] eh?, why?, don't know what sort they're like, those they just didn't, they just didn't rise, they
[Martin:] the middle is not hoptastic
[Lynn:] oh there's jelly in the fridge
[Geoff:] go and get it
[Lynn:] I forgot about the jelly
[Dave:] it's too hard now
[Lynn:] what you mean too hard?
[Dave:] it's been inside for two hours and can't get out
[Lynn:] so I'll leave it out and it'll melt, Bobby and I
[Martin:] stick it in the microwave, pass us my cup of tea that's out of order jelly like that
[Lynn:] oh it's terrible
[Martin:] it's not on like that
[Geoff:] what is it, yeah
[Lynn:] jelly
[Martin:] jelly is supposed to be like ah, you see it in cartoons like
[Lynn:] jelly is when it goes
[Martin:] wobbly
[Lynn:] out the dish
[Martin:] how's it go mother?
[Lynn:] can you eat it like that mother?, his mother said you just tip it out, like a liquid, like a bottle of milk... you're always on
[Martin:] absolutely grotoskew, you've got a worm, you feed him
[Lynn:] you're always hungry, have you got a tapeworm?... let's have a look at your belly, it'll pop, what a pop belly you've got
[Martin:] more, more meat on a jockey's whip
[Lynn:] Bobby thinks he's fat, he's obsessed with being fat he keeps saying I'm too fat, I'm too fat
[Geoff:] he is fat though inne?
[Lynn:] he has got a bit of a belly on him actually
[Geoff:] their mum
[Martin:] don't know how, he don't eat a thing
[Lynn:] he ate nearly all those chips tonight, didn't he?
[Martin:] [mimics snoring]
[Lynn:] I want chips he said, I said do ya? and then he said yes
[Dave:] mind he had a Milky Way bar and then afterward he had a mini Milk
[Geoff:] mum what can I have to eat?
[Lynn:] go and have a look in the fridge
[Dave:] he had a Milky Bar and erm
[Lynn:] yes
[Dave:] erm
[Lynn:] he ate most of those chips
[Dave:] yeah
[Martin:] I'm hungry an all
[Lynn:] well you've had half a dozen oranges, I shouldn't have any more, you'll go to the toilet all the night
[Martin:] yes
[Dave:] have a sore end, huh
[Martin:] as Patrick used to say you'd be able to poo through the eye of a needle
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER], who's Patrick?
[Martin:] er goggle eyes at the Co-op, I saw him the other week
[Lynn:] which one was, oh goggle eyes Patrick, yeah where, where's he now?
[Martin:] and he's funny, Ackman Avenue
[Lynn:] oh Ackman Avenue oh yeah, that's right
[Martin:] no Glen Glenfield he made, he makes me laugh though
[Lynn:] what Globals goods store?...
[Geoff:] mum there's some good news and some bad news
[Lynn:] oh God
[Geoff:] I didn't find anything to eat, bad news is the topping's got, jelly's gone like the cat's, top of the jelly's gone like the cat's tongue
[Lynn:] what's the cat's tongue like?
[Geoff:] all white...
[Lynn:] no that's, when you make
[Geoff:] it's called scum
[Martin:] scurf
[Geoff:] you scum
[Lynn:] the cat's tongue, you feel the cat's tongue, what you've got there
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] Robert likes, Robert likes that he says he, I'll have a cheese sandwich stop it now, stop it, ooh what's that?
[Martin:] dunno, it's living in the bin
[Geoff:] it's dead
[Lynn:] what's this
[Martin:] it's only on for two minutes
[Lynn:] it's not one of those
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] London's Burning's on, I like that
[Martin:] a bit of arson on a Sunday night never went down badly
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] see if Geoffrey's Oil of Ulay face
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] would er
[Lynn:] his face is gullible
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] ... ...
[Martin:] Geoff don't do that dear, don't wanna do that
[Lynn:] you don't wanna do that, you'll get a clip round the ear'ole...
[Martin:] I think was on Thursday night and I flipping missed it
[Lynn:] yeah I know
[Martin:] did you see it?, did you see it mum?
[Lynn:] no, well I saw some of it, but it was a repeat wasn't it?
[Martin:] was it funny mum?...
[Lynn:] it was about as funny as toothache
[Martin:] funny as route canal work, I like it, I think it's not bad
[Lynn:] what time was it?, twenty five to ten...
[Martin:] that's a well-known American actor...
[Lynn:] well this looks a load of rubbish, what's on the other side?
[Dave:] it's erm
[Martin:] where's that?, they can't call that pony that whatever it's called? where's there always be a pony that's what I want to know
[Lynn:] there must be a pony
[Martin:] oh that's it there must be a pony and trap
[Lynn:] yeah no its twenty five to ten though, still got Poirot on the other side
[Martin:] check Poirot out see who did it, don't know who did what, but see who did it anyway
[Lynn:] does he always end up with a summing in, summing up?
[Martin:] yes I like them ones
[Geoff:] I like that
[Martin:] go on then, put it on
[Lynn:] put the summing up of Poirot on
[Dave:] don't you want to see Women in Wales?
[Lynn:] what Women in Wales?
[Dave:] with the welly boots?
[Lynn:] no
[Geoff:] no we don't want that rubbish
[Lynn:] what's interesting about that?
[Martin:] ooh
[Geoff:] oh
[Dave:] it's on till midnight
[Martin:] yes it is
[Lynn:] no
[Geoff:] is this the Superbowl?
[Martin:] no, it's the ar, it's the finals, semi-finals if you like... this is a weir-r-rd game this is...
[Lynn:] didn't it used to be really popular, I mean everything you bought was
[Martin:] I think it's great... come on
[Lynn:] what, what?...
[Martin:] German, huh
[Lynn:] yeah, got a sword in his cupboard haven't you?
[Geoff:] you
[Lynn:] yeah... I can't stand that hairstyle when they shave it off
[Martin:] this is exciting this is
[Geoff:] I want Poirot
[Dave:] maybe...
[Lynn:] here we go look, here we go
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] Lady Hornblower
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] ah oh dear
[Geoff:] eh, shock, terror
[Lynn:] what's his name?
[Martin:] dang, dang Cafe Hag
[Lynn:] oh Cafe Hag yes of course it is, Cafe Hag
[Martin:] all the annoying Germany always pops up at the wrong, the wrong most inopportune time....
[Geoff:] no mum don't mention the word...
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] big garage
[Lynn:] was it?
[Dave:] yeah, original
[Lynn:] oh I didn't know
[Dave:] like the ones you get now they're all
[Lynn:] oh
[Dave:] that you buy
[Lynn:] yeah...
[Dave:] the engine on and if you've got a car
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] and if you got to change the wheel or anything you got a, there's some clips, you undo the clips down the driver and the back hand comes off with the wheel
[Lynn:] oh... mm...
[Dave:] oh that's it, you don't know what these garages do you, look at our garage got an old Adler in there
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] old Joe's got two old bangers in his garage
[Lynn:] mm, yeah
[Geoff:] I know who they are
[Martin:] I tell you what erm
[Geoff:] his mum and his wife
[Martin:] I'm still underwhelmed at Joe's choice of name for his latest son, Slobodan
[Lynn:] Slobodan, isn't that terrible
[Martin:] if the worse thing is, you can't shorten it to anything decent, you can't call him slob
[Geoff:] slob
[Lynn:] call him Dan I suppose, but
[Martin:] oh I yeah
[Dave:] he won't be called Dan
[Lynn:] I think it's terrible giving him a name like that
[Martin:] I think Vich is probably what it'll
[Geoff:] Slobodan
[Lynn:] it's not got Vich on the end of it, it's Sloberdan Vich
[Martin:] Slobo, that's what he should say
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] she says when you ask her, her name's Miranda, but it's not spelt like that, it's spelt like Mijarna, it's got a J in it, but she says it's Miranda, you know
[Martin:] how old is she?
[Lynn:] she's about, how old is she, twenty six, twenty seven
[Dave:] no
[Martin:] twenty three
[Dave:] twenty six then
[Lynn:] no six, seven, no well there you are then, yeah she goes to school doesn't she, well I think it's sad I mean giving a child a name like that
[Dave:] yeah but
[Lynn:] in this country, he's, he's he's not, he's English, he was born in this country
[Dave:] yeah, but
[Lynn:] anyone would think he's or where ever
[Martin:] Yugoslavia I keep telling you
[Lynn:] he's not Yugoslavia is he?
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] right
[Martin:] he's at war with himself you see, that's why he's
[Lynn:] get ready to
[Martin:] he probably doesn't know what one is yeah
[Lynn:] but he talks as if he, he was born in that country, I mean I could be really patriotic to Wales
[Martin:] I am
[Lynn:] well I am, I mean I always worry
[Martin:] keep a well
[Lynn:] to work
[Martin:] what did you say?, what's it, what's he say dead patriotic then to Yugoslavia?
[Lynn:] oh he's always going on about it, he's very religious as well, he goes to church and erm well he serves the, serves their Christmas which is January the seventh the Ukrainian Christmas... better ring it up, his children in the language don't they?
[Martin:] oh you're joking
[Lynn:] no he does, they talk yeah, he says well, Polish I think
[Martin:] Polish, he's Yugoslavian if anything
[Lynn:] not Polish still got foreign
[Dave:] he looks foreign...
[Martin:] they're probably Jewish because they always reckon that there's people after them and that's what she's like
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] [LAUGHTER] saw them standing outside the gate, he's coming to get me
[Martin:] you've been, been hard balling my wife
[Geoff:] yeah I want my ball back...
[Martin:] crummy... Max Lennon
[Lynn:] she's so foreign looking though in't she? is she?
[Dave:] yeah that's that girl
[Lynn:] usually you find he's got
[Martin:] his sister's name
[Lynn:] you usually find that people like that are more
[Martin:] more
[Lynn:] very patriotic to their country of well it's not up there, but
[Martin:] homeland
[Lynn:] and they're, and religious they usually marry somebody else, usually that
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] I think flipping
[Lynn:] I thought he was Polish
[Martin:] Yugoslavian,Sloboda
[Lynn:] her dad's Polish
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] yeah Slobodavian
[Martin:] Slobo Slobodan
[Dave:] Slobodan huh
[Lynn:] well how come Joe erm, Ken said he Polish then?
[Dave:] Ken doesn't know what he's talking about...
[Martin:] oh right, you know Paul who plays for Leicester?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] right, now, if you had about twenty thousand pounds to spend on a car Dave, what would you buy?, no seriously, I mean if you were just like, start, no, actually no that's the wrong thing to say, what looks really smart? yeah, I mean for twenty thousand what could you have?, you could have a Calibre couldn't ya for twenty thousand yeah, but I'm saying what you could have, not what you bloody want, you yeah, he's had, yeah, he's had an R S two thousand and I mean I think that's absolutely pathetic, total Essex boy thing to do that is
[Geoff:] you know what I would've got?
[Martin:] drive round in his white socks and black loafers and drive his white R white, his white R S two thousand
[Geoff:] I would've got
[Lynn:] why
[Martin:] white
[Lynn:] has he passed his test then?
[Martin:] yeah
[Geoff:] I would've got a black two eighty sleeper myself
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] is it first time he's had one?
[Martin:] yeah, yeah
[Lynn:] with your driving instructor he'd taught him to do
[Martin:] but I mean I'd rather have a Calibre than that definitely
[Geoff:] I'd have a, I'd have a two
[Lynn:] yes and you would pay lots of insurance to have one
[Geoff:] so what?
[Lynn:] so what?
[Martin:] yeah but the thing is he's got money
[Geoff:] yes
[Martin:] that's what I'm on about
[Lynn:] don't throw it about though do you?
[Martin:] yeah, well he obviously has on an R S two thousand... twenty, twenty one well the thing is I mean he plays for England under twenty ones
[Dave:] they were on about, talking about it last night weren't they?, they, back in the fifties they were on eight pound a week
[Lynn:] no the clubs can't afford I think football's gone through the roof, it's absolutely stupid how much there worth
[Geoff:] yeah, they get paid far too much
[Lynn:] it's not, nobody's worth millions like that... it's just stupid, absolutely stupid...
[Dave:] we've missed that programme of the fifties
[Lynn:] good
[Martin:] he weren't
[Lynn:] it showed the Woodentops
[Dave:] Bill and Ben
[Lynn:] Bill and Ben
[speaker001:] Andy Pandy
[Lynn:] Andy Pandy and Muffin the Mule
[Martin:] I never liked any of them
[speaker001:] Muffin the Mule
[Lynn:] Muffin the Mule
[Martin:] didn't like it
[Lynn:] and Sooty
[Martin:] I liked Sooty I liked Sooty
[Geoff:] I still like Sooty
[Lynn:] Sooty is still on and, and Sooty still appeals to children it's, does Robert like Sooty? you
[Dave:] Sooty and Muffin the Mule
[Martin:] Sooty, Sweep and Soo
[Lynn:] you, you wouldn't think that just er glove puppet
[Martin:] [whispering] Sooty, Sweep and Soo []
[Lynn:] would appeal to children, I mean knowing how sophisticated things are today, it's just a simple glove puppet and yet kids are just as interested in them
[Martin:] oh you've had one of these haven't you?
[Lynn:] what?
[Martin:] these frozen meals Geoff that's what they says
[Lynn:] Domino that looks nice, I might make that tomorrow
[Geoff:] what I had?
[Martin:] no that's what you had oh no it wouldn't've been er with spin with spinach and ricotta cheese, what's it like Geoff was it nice?
[Lynn:] do you want me to make lasagne tomorrow?
[Geoff:] yes
[Martin:] yes you've been promising for weeks
[Lynn:] well I've got the mince out so you're alright I'll do it then
[Martin:] oh I don't like the Darling Buds of May at all
[Lynn:] no is
[Martin:] I like er back, he's coming back... that's coming back an all, oh yes...
[Lynn:] they were all police things more or less...
[Geoff:] oh God
[Martin:] no they're good
[Geoff:] P D James
[Martin:] I like him... P D James is a woman though isn't it?
[Geoff:] yeah
[Martin:] mum?...
[Lynn:] quite, don't keep on... what's on the news?, see who's died
[Martin:] died, given birth and oh this stupid bloke gets on my wick, lovely boy Neil strikes again
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] all this fuss about there's a it's only a horse
[Martin:] good job he's not in another country he'd be eaten for he'll go to stud and start producing won't he?... not with your
[Lynn:] they got on my nerves them
[Martin:] his wife is the biggest gasbag
[Lynn:] where?
[Dave:] just lately
[Lynn:] where?...
[Martin:] oh no another wet, loads of people like him at our school
[Lynn:] mm, he's got absolutely no chance...
[Martin:] yeah, it's wide open, but he ain't gonna get it what do you mean there's much chance, he comes down every Christmas
[Lynn:] I know, if he comes through the back door and
[Martin:] you told me it's the chimney
[Lynn:] I know, but the fire's in the way but we left it open
[Geoff:] are you sure it wasn't the birds?
[Lynn:] don't talk about the birds...
[Martin:] how low quality can you get hiding guns and ammunition in a church
[Lynn:] did I tell you Margaret daughter had, she, she's bought her a
[Martin:] yeah she had burglars
[Lynn:] eh, she's had burglars?
[Martin:] New Parks, well that asks for it really doesn't it?
[Lynn:] what it doesn't mean it's right does it?
[Martin:] no, but if you don't want it you don't move to New Parks the roughest Council estate in Britain in, in Leicester, Britain
[Lynn:] no the thing is you go where you can afford the house prices and they are reasonable there
[Martin:] no, it's not surprising is it?
[Lynn:] well
[Martin:] you don't have any stuff left
[Lynn:] where my mum and dad live it's not that bad an area yet they were burgled four times and that they get
[Martin:] well that was somebody had it in for them
[Lynn:] somebody up the road was burgled before Christmas
[Martin:] well New Parks is more likely than any where else
[Lynn:] it doesn't matter where you live
[Martin:] don't give me that
[Lynn:] if they want something they will break in...
[speaker001:] Yes got one thanks
[Robert:] You got one
[Lynn:] Oh right
[Martin:] for you what Dave...
[Lynn:] I don't like this monkey right by me having
[speaker001:] ...
[Robert:] I didn't put it there
[Lynn:] eat your chips then come on, good boy
[Robert:] trying to nick your tea
[Lynn:] is he?
[Robert:] mm
[Lynn:] come on eat your tea...
[Robert:] monkey
[Martin:] did he?
[Robert:] what did he say?
[Lynn:] mm?
[Robert:] what did he say?
[Lynn:] he said eat your tea
[Robert:] oh here mummy
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] oh I've a
[Lynn:] I said eat your tea
[Martin:] oh God this family make me sick...
[Robert:] he dropped it he, he said I'm not gonna move it
[Lynn:] yes I liked a hamburger please
[Martin:] yes, run away.... Perhaps he's
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] have what sandwiches?
[Martin:] beef
[Lynn:] oh... I thought Harold was vegetarian
[Martin:] he is
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] doesn't make them.... She always looks like a sack of spuds she does
[Lynn:] she looks like Miss Piggy
[Martin:] she's awful looking...
[Lynn:] oh he's, he seems to be grown up all of a sudden
[Martin:] oh that tie doesn't even go with that suit, look at that, brown tie with a blue suit... get this into ya, ha, ha
[Robert:] and now, I haven't got a, I haven't got a space for it
[Lynn:] maybe he likes her what?
[Robert:] for these chips
[Lynn:] you haven't got a space for it?
[Martin:] I have
[Lynn:] he hasn't got a space for his chips
[Robert:] I haven't
[Martin:] shall I have 'em?
[Lynn:] no you
[Geoff:] This onion's very nice mum
[Robert:] Martin's gonna eat
[Lynn:] thank you
[Geoff:] make one tomorrow as well?
[Lynn:] the best one I've ever done I think
[Geoff:] oh
[Robert:] that was mine...
[Lynn:] I made it in the meat dish
[Geoff:] oh
[Lynn:] square meat dish
[Robert:] I haven't got a space... space, space for it but I
[Martin:] oh that's out of order
[Robert:] no spaces for it... no spaces...
[Martin:] Robert excuse me
[Lynn:] eat some of the chips Robert please
[Martin:] Robert excuse me please, thank you
[Geoff:] excuse me
[Lynn:] come and sit down
[speaker001:] ...
[Dave:] Last time the kid ran away he come back with a
[Martin:] oh yeah they usually manage to come back in the end that old bat
[Dave:] oh yeah...
[Martin:] was it nice?
[Robert:] I didn't like mine
[Lynn:] you didn't have any, you've had chips...
[Robert:] well I don't want mine any more
[Lynn:] well you're naughty chicken
[Robert:] do, do, do...
[Lynn:] was it nice?, did you like it?
[Martin:] yeah weren't bad
[Lynn:] weren't bad
[Martin:] Robert stop moving them away please, thank you... Rob
[Lynn:] I didn't know he got two James Bond
[Robert:] no
[Lynn:] cars, did you?
[Dave:] no
[Lynn:] I don't know where they come from
[Martin:] we've had one of them
[Robert:] this one come out the box
[Lynn:] yes
[Robert:] and this one come off downstairs
[Lynn:] oh... do you want a piece of fruit cake for afters?
[Martin:] no thanks...
[Lynn:] do you Dave?... freshly made this afternoon, you want some? pardon
[Geoff:] Robert move out the way
[Robert:] I'm here, let he get out the way cos I'm here...
[Martin:] can't believe that Sky was one of the most popular names last year in this country for a new baby girl
[Lynn:] wasn't
[Martin:] was
[Geoff:] it was
[Lynn:] no it wasn't one of the most popular it was one of the most unusual, it wasn't in the top ten list they made
[Martin:] oh... but still flipping stupid
[Lynn:] why, it's only cos people watch this soap isn't it?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] mm, there's
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] got to put away...
[Dave:] do what?
[Lynn:] me can of furniture polish, and I was saying to Martin how, I don't know how our come up with the names for their stuff, I mean where, where does that come from?... oh when you think about it Pledge, why do they call polish Pledge?
[Martin:] cos they pledge to you that they get it cleaner than anything else
[Lynn:] so they stowed it with you that you're they have people stowed it so they keep it
[Martin:] no... why do you like Thunderbirds Rob?
[Robert:] I did not, change my mind
[speaker001:] You don't like it any more do ya?
[Robert:] I do...
[Dave:] Cor you look like a drinking then eh?
[Robert:] Martin's teasing me Martin's teasing me
[Dave:] he's what?
[Martin:] no he's not at all
[Robert:] he's teasing me
[Geoff:] no he wasn't Rob
[Robert:] he said, you can't have Thunderbirds and, and he said no you couldn't he said
[Martin:] no I said after Thun after, mm, after Home and Away we can have it on
[Geoff:] yeah
[Robert:] no, it's, it's not after
[Martin:] after stowed it all
[Geoff:] you can watch it after stowed it
[Robert:] Home and Away
[Dave:] I was chatting to a bloke today about you
[Robert:] what?
[Dave:] he said... looking for a little boy who can do building work
[Robert:] oh
[Dave:] and I said I've got a little boy who can do building work, he mixes cement in the cement mixer
[Geoff:] I, I weren't heard of him
[Dave:] he erm
[Geoff:] I won't forget
[Dave:] brings daddy some brakes and gets his wheelbarrow out
[Lynn:] mm, only made it Christmas
[Dave:] and takes the wood down the garden
[Geoff:] might like
[Robert:] er me
[Dave:] yeah
[Robert:] and not you
[Dave:] not me, you that was weren't it?
[Robert:] yeah you be digging all of it
[Dave:] and he said, he said that's just the man I want for a little job...
[Robert:] for me?
[Dave:] yeah, he said if he comes and give me a hand he says I'll give him five P a hour
[Lynn:] oh that's really good
[Dave:] wages
[Lynn:] I should say
[Robert:] why he's, what erm, building, getting cement
[Dave:] and he said on top of that he said you can bring your digger along and you can play in the sand as well
[Geoff:] good in it five P an hour?
[Lynn:] no
[Robert:] in the big digger?
[Lynn:] say I want a pound an hour
[Geoff:] oh
[Robert:] the big digger what I will sit something in it it's one way, what was called this way
[Dave:] remember that digger daddy had when I helped build the run?
[Robert:] mm
[Dave:] when you sat in it, that
[Robert:] mm
[Dave:] good weren't it?
[Robert:] what will I get?
[Dave:] you get
[Lynn:] was the cake nice?, don't you want a bit Martin?
[Robert:] I know the big digger, what's it called?
[Martin:] no thank you
[Lynn:] you full up then?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] you said you didn't have much
[Martin:] well no not full up, I just don't want anything else.
[Geoff:] look
[Lynn:] look at that dog it's got glasses on
[Robert:] let's see how it is
[Dave:] show mummy how the digger works come on show mummy how the digger turns
[Robert:] oh I can't the diggers over there and that's the dipper
[Dave:] yeah and it's got a bucket which goes like this don't it?
[Robert:] no, not that, I don't mean that one, the one that been without it, if, I been a why bigger lorry what [lorry noise]
[Dave:] what like the one what brings the bricks?
[Robert:] yeah
[Dave:] oh right
[Robert:] a toy one
[Dave:] oh a toy one
[Lynn:] that's very nice
[Robert:] want that one so Sam can bring me that in after Christmas aunt, no-one, aunty Amy will bring it?
[Lynn:] will she?
[Robert:] yeah
[Lynn:] yeah
[Robert:] this one
[Lynn:] yeah
[Robert:] this one, but and, and after it I've got... erm a digger... and I've got daddy tools, what tools do you want?, I've got daddy tools
[Lynn:] have you got parents' evening this term Geoff?
[Geoff:] dunno
[Robert:] daddy's torch
[Geoff:] satsuma
[Robert:] were you looking for that?
[Lynn:] goodness me
[Robert:] were you looking for it?
[Lynn:] you've not stopped eating
[Robert:] were you looking for that?
[Dave:] yeah, where was it?
[Robert:] it was in there
[Dave:] where?
[Robert:] it was in my
[Lynn:] look, look, look
[Dave:] well put it in your truck now then hadn't I?
[Lynn:] mm, why, why have you left that crusty bit?
[Geoff:] I don't like it, it's too hard for me
[Lynn:] oh, give me that I'll have a bit of it... thank you...
[Robert:] it's only that
[Geoff:] what you gonna do when were finished?
[Robert:] got a pipe on it, got a pipe
[Lynn:] has it?... what even if she's only met him twice?... two or three times...
[Martin:] this is stupid this is, it really is daft
[Lynn:] why?...
[Martin:] as if he'd even have a chance of it anyway
[Lynn:] I know
[Martin:] [sniff]
[Lynn:] and the evidence shows that his wife, mind that cup of tea, is there anything in it?
[Geoff:] no
[Robert:] no
[Lynn:] the evidence shows that his wife can't have children so that's obviously why he wants to adopt her, well, claim here
[Robert:] open your legs open your leg...
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] what about a Bakewell tart I made yesterday
[Robert:] I want my chips
[Dave:] I'll have some later
[Robert:] chips, chips...
[Lynn:] do you want some Bakewell tart?
[Martin:] no thanks
[Lynn:] I've made all these cakes to fill you up
[Dave:] I've a, I've had a bit of a migraine this morning
[Lynn:] why?
[Dave:] after, after breakfast had er it suddenly went a headache
[Lynn:] oh, you should've took those Migrolifs
[Dave:] I was on all day and I, it didn't come off until about four o'clock
[Lynn:] well you should've taken those Migrolifs because there supposed to be for migraines
[Dave:] mind mummy's tea
[Lynn:] you take the pink one or something yeah
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] you take the pink one as soon as you get there then then you take another one, I don't know whether it's yellow or blue, there's different coloured ones any way... two different types... so that's what you want to do doing what?
[Dave:] putting a fence up in the
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] you know it's only stacks around with the wire round it and er
[Lynn:] what for?
[Dave:] he's fencing off his land
[Lynn:] mind you don't fall over that
[Robert:] digger
[Lynn:] digger, huh
[Dave:] he's fencing off his land
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] that's what he's on about doing, his buying an acre of land on the field
[Robert:] a lorry
[Lynn:] mm, who does it belong to then the acre of land?
[Dave:] oh he's got er seven, eight acres
[Lynn:] oh
[Dave:] Bill, stop Robert take the box off your head
[Lynn:] mm
[Robert:] I couldn't
[Lynn:] so where's he fenced it to?
[Dave:] you know where his wood ends?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] he's got er, it's like a bank that goes up in the fields
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] he's fenced all around there... and then he's had this bloke to make amendments and then rows of
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Dave:] he's been paying this bloke thirty quid, then he said twenty quid, today he said sixteen quid
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] oh it's going down mm
[Geoff:] wow
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] he said whatever you do he said don't stop he said otherwise you'll
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] oh dear how old is he?
[Dave:] well I would've said he was, in his fifties, looking at him, oh don't look like he washes much
[Lynn:] oh God
[Dave:] but there you go
[speaker001:] Oh good lord
[Dave:] Er Richard's
[Lynn:] I know that
[Dave:] Richard's bought the forty three I think
[Lynn:] has he?
[Dave:] something like that, yeah forty two, forty three this year
[Lynn:] yeah, gosh... oh dear
[Martin:] careful
[Lynn:] careful Robert
[Dave:] yes, so
[Lynn:] mm... oh
[Geoff:] Richard looks old though don't he?
[Lynn:] he looks younger with his without his beard and all that on it
[Geoff:] without his tache he does
[Dave:] he looks real scruffy and he says oh he said this cocking up my dole money working here
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] no
[Dave:] ah, he's, he has a bit of a
[Lynn:] still with his mother
[Dave:] he's got a bit of a brain tumour
[Lynn:] oh dear
[Dave:] he came out with it, were chatting and er... he said oh he said I'm gonna get
[Lynn:] Rose's dad made him redundant
[Dave:] yeah, oh they shut the place down
[Lynn:] have they?
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] have they?
[Dave:] yeah and he's sold up of course
[Lynn:] have they?, I didn't know
[Dave:] yeah and er, well he was in financial difficulties so he had to close down
[Lynn:] mind you I
[Dave:] that's why Richard phoned up before Christmas said do I want to go round to his place
[Lynn:] her dad must be
[Geoff:] slip over Madge
[Lynn:] nearly seventy
[Dave:] yeah
[Martin:] that ain't Madge
[Geoff:] I know that
[Lynn:] how do know
[Geoff:] Claire
[Martin:] Claire
[Dave:] oh she's gonna start laughing now
[Lynn:] oh dear the chips
[Martin:] oh there's a... a minuscule portion of fat in the bottom of that thing.
[Lynn:] Her dad must be getting on for seventy she looks as though
[Robert:] I want those in the bag
[Lynn:] no we're having Home and Away first
[Geoff:] after this you can have it look at this Jack the Ripper
[Lynn:] oh when's this tonight?, oh great Jack the Ripper tonight
[Robert:] Thunderbirds on tonight
[Martin:] super
[Lynn:] who?, what?
[Robert:] now Thunderbirds
[Martin:] no that's on tomorrow night
[Lynn:] no, that's on on Fridays
[Robert:] on now
[Lynn:] Fridays are you hot?
[Robert:] I want Thunderbirds on
[Lynn:] do you want your jumper off?
[Robert:] I want Thunderbirds
[speaker001:] You can't have 'em
[Robert:] I want Thunderbirds on
[Lynn:] like Rose's dad's
[Robert:] dad
[Lynn:] closing up
[Robert:] dad, want Thunderbirds
[Dave:] alright after
[Lynn:] no after Home and Away
[Dave:] after Home and Away
[Lynn:] after Home and Away
[Dave:] and then you can have it on, you can have an episode on and
[Robert:] I don't want that
[Dave:] then after you've watched that, then you can go to bed after Thunderbirds
[Geoff:] yeah
[Robert:] I don't want that
[Geoff:] if you watch after Home and Away come here tell you something
[Robert:] yeah
[Lynn:] mm, how long ago did he finish then?
[Dave:] just before Christmas
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] last three or four weeks... he's got this little bloody moped
[Robert:] can I take that out there?
[Dave:] no, you mind that bat, so he's just like moped thing, he said oh when I get my redundancy
[Martin:] six months
[Dave:] I'm gonna get a new motor bike
[Robert:] caught I've got peanuts in the cup
[Dave:] oh that cup's got nuts in yeah
[Lynn:] yeah you were playing with it weren't you?
[Robert:] I was playing with it now, put me back up
[Lynn:] no you can't play on the side there cos I put, I put a pan of fat
[Dave:] go and get it and bring it in here
[Geoff:] I love this
[Dave:] so erm, there you are
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] it's, it's up her nose
[Lynn:] go on... oh dear...
[Robert:] I've got a peanut, a peanut
[Lynn:] yeah
[Robert:] Marty mind my drink
[Dave:] yeah so you see I'm going to get a brand new motor bike when I get my redundancy
[Robert:] can I er
[Dave:] and I said oh
[Robert:] cup
[Dave:] he said the money which I'm getting he said
[Robert:] I can't find a pea
[Dave:] will just about cover the cost of er the motor bike
[Lynn:] mm...
[Dave:] so I said what bike are you getting and he said what's that?, he said it's a Jawa
[Robert:] this is mine in there
[Dave:] I said amongst that one it's a Skoda
[Lynn:] I didn't know Skoda made motor bikes
[Geoff:] motor bikes
[Dave:] never had one
[Geoff:] I've never sort of seen one alright
[Lynn:] alright
[Dave:] and er of course the picture and all that, he's got a price on it, sixteen hundred and eighty five pounds
[Lynn:] sixteen?
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] it's cheap
[Dave:] that's a motor bike, it's a motor bike and a sidecar
[Lynn:] goodness
[Geoff:] is it a moped?
[Lynn:] what new?
[Dave:] brand new
[Lynn:] that's cheap
[Dave:] what a Skoda car is only just over three thousand
[Geoff:] yeah
[Dave:] pound
[Lynn:] gosh that is cheap isn't it?
[Dave:] yeah and er
[Geoff:] a motor bike's a motor bike in it?
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] he said he said what he's gonna do is erm... is he's got his name down for buying a trailer for it as well
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] actually buy a trailer
[Lynn:] for a motor bike?
[Dave:] for a motor bike, yeah, erm
[Geoff:] I've seen one of them
[Dave:] Honda make trailers for their motor bikes
[Lynn:] I've never seen a motor bike with a trailer
[Geoff:] I have
[Dave:] ain't ya? I have
[Martin:] I haven't
[Dave:] you know the bigger Hondas they've got a big trailer which matches the bike
[Lynn:] mm, haven't seen that
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] I thought it was a bit unsafe on two wheels
[Dave:] no it's not, it's been designed especially for it... so erm he's gonna get erm, I said what are you doing all this for I said, it'll be easier to go and buy yourself a three wheeler
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] I said you'll be under cover and dry and then I said in the back
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] he said I know I can't get a rubber boat and an oar at the back of this bloody three wheeler, that's why he's having a moped
[Lynn:] mm... yeah
[Robert:] [singing] home and away with you each day [] touch that erm at the fat
[Lynn:] who did?
[Robert:] pies
[Lynn:] pipe?
[Robert:] pies
[Lynn:] pies?
[Robert:] yeah
[Lynn:] what you on about pies
[Robert:] that piece
[Lynn:] what?
[Robert:] that piece
[Lynn:] that piece, what you on about?, what you on about?
[Robert:] what's in the can?
[Lynn:] fat
[Robert:] fat
[Lynn:] the fat I cooked your chips in
[Geoff:] yeah
[Lynn:] that you didn't eat
[Geoff:] that I'm gonna eat in a minute
[Robert:] I'm gonna eat it
[Geoff:] they look nice they look like I'm having one
[Lynn:] Geoffrey can have 'em
[Geoff:] if you eat one I'm having more, oh
[Dave:] Yeah oh Richard says he works for, he said he works all day long for a
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] don't wipe your hands on your clothes...
[Martin:] that's good innit, go to a coffee bar and don't pay any thing, just what you want
[Lynn:] doesn't she wear stupid clothes that Marilyn? tight things
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] why does she wear thick tights?...
[Robert:] drink this coffee
[Lynn:] oh
[Robert:] drink this
[Lynn:] oh thanks, that looks nice, gorgeous, mm, mm nice
[Robert:] have you drunk it?, have you drunk it?
[Lynn:] yes, I've drunk it now thank you...
[Dave:] Richard said how are we situated
[Lynn:] oh you're joking we're not
[Dave:] he said, I said Lynn said can't because of the kids
[Robert:] who wants a cup of tea?
[Lynn:] exactly
[Dave:] it's bad enough having three kids, he said oh the dogs I'll be used to looking after kids
[Lynn:] yeah well does he want to check with in America then [LAUGHTER]
[Dave:] someone's let him down
[Lynn:] oh yeah mm, that's gonna be his problem, he'll have to put 'em in kennels, no I wouldn't mind one, but not both
[Robert:] they have, they coffee, I make you in this
[Geoff:] yeah we'll have one of them mum
[Lynn:] I wouldn't mind one
[Martin:] bloody won't
[Lynn:] Dave, I wouldn't mind one, but not both
[Dave:] mm, yeah, where you gonna put them
[Lynn:] that's it they sleep outside don't they?
[Robert:] ring this dad ring this
[Geoff:] in the garden
[Robert:] ring this, ring this, ring this coffee
[Martin:] well you can have the dog, but I won't be here for the week if you're having a dog
[Lynn:] why?
[Dave:] what for you?
[Martin:] I, I don't like dogs
[Geoff:] like dogs
[Martin:] I can't stand them
[Robert:] I've been drinking
[Dave:] they're absolutely soft as shit those two
[Martin:] I don't care I don't like 'em
[Lynn:] they're not gonna hurt ya, I'm not having 'em anyway
[Martin:] they stink for a start
[Dave:] what, so do you, but we can't do anything about that
[Martin:] so do you but we can't do anything about that either, but dogs stink
[Robert:] can you drink it?
[Lynn:] yeah they do smell don't they those dogs
[Martin:] they always do
[Lynn:] they they always smell
[Robert:] do you want a drink?
[Lynn:] doggy smell
[Dave:] I don't want to drink from that I'll choke
[Martin:] awful
[Robert:] me
[Lynn:] I don't like smelly dogs
[Martin:] I'd rather have a rat in the house than a dog
[speaker001:] [LAUGHTER] that's the last thing we're keeping when I
[Martin:] at least a rat's small
[Lynn:] oh no...
[Dave:] you be careful with it
[Lynn:] show your aunty your drink
[Robert:] drink it on this bit
[Lynn:] well that
[Geoff:] I want that dog
[Lynn:] we're not having it, I don't want a dog
[Geoff:] you said you
[Lynn:] they have a lot of exercise
[Geoff:] I'll do it of course
[Lynn:] yeah, they need walking about three times a day don't they?
[Dave:] you open the door up and have a look and see it's pouring down with rain and you don't like going out today
[Geoff:] oh yeah but when I go out at night
[Lynn:] I don't want it
[Geoff:] I can just take it in
[Lynn:] I don't want it
[Geoff:] you just started it
[Lynn:] I didn't, I said I wouldn't mind having one but I
[Geoff:] yeah
[Lynn:] yeah but he wants somebody to have both...
[Dave:] and then he was on about oh he said, how are you situated coming over here and feed me dogs for me
[Lynn:] mm... he's gonna have a prob, I wonder why his neighbours won't
[Geoff:] don't like them, good this one, yes
[Lynn:] are they definitely going to
[Robert:] cups in it
[Dave:] I dunno, I think they are
[Lynn:] have they booked it or anything?
[Dave:] not got a clue what he's done...
[Lynn:] mm... but if he goes, he's going for the month?...
[Dave:] he hasn't got any, the whole lot is two hundred and ninety nine pounds, that's for a month, air fare, insurances, an hotel and a car as well
[Lynn:] good lord that's cheap, two hundred and eighty nine pound?
[Dave:] two ninety nine
[Lynn:] two ninety nine, the
[Dave:] no that's separate his
[Robert:] I can do this really coffee
[Dave:] but that's hotels
[Lynn:] mm, motor hotels is it?
[Dave:] yeah, you supply your the insurances were eighty quid
[Lynn:] good lord, that is cheap in't it?
[Dave:] yeah, cos he had to take out an insurance this will be er
[Lynn:] what's the weather like in America now?
[Dave:] er, its upper sixties, where they're going.
[Geoff:] you won't
[Lynn:] mm, not a bad thing...
[Robert:] ooh
[Geoff:] ooh
[Robert:] ooh
[Lynn:] stop it you two
[Geoff:] that was worth it...
[Martin:] I bet he can't swim
[Robert:] I can
[Lynn:] can you?, can you?, how do you swim then?, show me
[Robert:] I can't do in a minute
[Lynn:] why?
[Dave:] honey give me the midday paper please dear
[Lynn:] mm?
[Dave:] give me the midday paper...
[Martin:] Get a divorce they, they've never been happy at all since they've been married have they?...
[Lynn:] That character Carly is always arguing
[Martin:] mm, it's Ben it's Ben though innit?
[Lynn:] yeah, but she's always arguing with everybody... oh right, thank you...
[Geoff:] give Martin a knock
[Martin:] oh thanks... will you open it for me Rob?, oh, oh, oh
[Robert:] no I can't
[Martin:] yes you can, anyone can
[Robert:] after Christmas
[Martin:] well crack
[Lynn:] oh yeah crack
[Robert:] there...
[Lynn:] oh I'm glad Jack the Ripper's on tonight I like that
[Robert:] this is good em to erm pick up one's
[Lynn:] it is isn't it?
[Robert:] mm
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] two big things
[Robert:] what did he do to here
[Martin:] two big things
[Lynn:] that's to pick up salad...
[Martin:] thing and respect
[Geoff:] what are you doing?
[Martin:] no
[Geoff:] you got
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] how could anybody want to go in the army in nineteen ninety two...
[Geoff:] wow
[Lynn:] some people like the outdoor life
[Martin:] and some people have got
[Lynn:] listen some people like the outdoor life and it
[Martin:] what getting up at six every morning?
[Lynn:] yes and listen they might
[Martin:] being shouted at running nine miles with three tonne of stuff you'll never use on your back
[Lynn:] yeah they might that
[Martin:] pretending to use a gun
[Lynn:] yes they might and sleeping rough in the rain and the snow some people
[Geoff:] Ian's got Ian's mum's trying to sell a gun to Christian
[Lynn:] gun, where's he got a gun from?
[Geoff:] Gat gun
[Lynn:] a what gun?
[Geoff:] a Gat gun
[Lynn:] oh
[Geoff:] like an air rifle, smart one
[Lynn:] oh you're clever at these things aren't ya?
[Geoff:] you know erm mum, like one of them
[Lynn:] oh right...
[Martin:] that isn't cheap, it's not cheap at all
[Geoff:] no I sai I said that last night
[Lynn:] what is it?, it's a quarter pounder int it?
[Martin:] no chicken burger or fish, what was it fish or chicken?
[Geoff:] or you can get chicken nuggets though
[Lynn:] I can get to a chicken burger, oh you're lovely with this...
[Geoff:] Have you sent my letter off yet mum?
[Lynn:] no
[Geoff:] why?
[Lynn:] I will
[Geoff:] if you give me, write me a cheque and I'll take it when I go out again, cos I won't have
[Lynn:] got to get a cheque book
[Geoff:] oh you have a cheque book anyhow
[Lynn:] well I'm at the end of it
[Martin:] I've never seen a chewing gum advert for them before
[Geoff:] I haven't
[Lynn:] no I've not, I've not
[Martin:] Orbitor extra
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] the only one I've ever seen for is Wrigley's
[Lynn:] yeah Wrigley's spearmint gum, yeah, strange int it?...
[Dave:] these bricks did you see those
[Martin:] don't know they're stupid
[Lynn:] I'm not surprised
[Martin:] don't know they're stupid
[Lynn:] how much a brick?, twenty pound I think it's a good idea to buy a brick, it's too dear
[Dave:] they put their name on it
[Lynn:] yeah I know, but it's too dear, I looked at that and thought it would be nice to have your name on a brick, but to me twenty pound, if they made it cheaper more people would buy it wouldn't they?, what building is it? perhaps reduce it, if you put a fiver a brick loads of people will probably take 'em up on it, business might, but twenty pounds for a brick
[Geoff:] he does doesn't he?
[Martin:] your legs go
[Geoff:] no my legs go like that, your legs go
[Martin:] yeah, but you've got littler snub legs
[Geoff:] snub legs oh yeah what inside leg are you?
[Martin:] thirty six
[Geoff:] I am twenty nine aren't I
[Martin:] oh that's long
[Lynn:] I went to this man today and he's a real doddery old soul and he's the same age as gran
[Martin:] old what?
[Lynn:] doddery old soul
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] and he's the same age as granddad, I couldn't believe it and he was saying about well I'm seventy one this year actually younger than my dad and he looks really old and we were
[Robert:] no
[Lynn:] talking about heights and he said
[Geoff:] bushy hair
[Lynn:] and he said about being tall
[Robert:] that's not
[Lynn:] and I said
[Geoff:] you pick it up again
[Robert:] no me, do, do, do, do
[Lynn:] he was on about how different people...
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] can be the same inside leg measurement, but different heights, so I said yes that's true, it's all according how long or short you are in the body and I said my son's short in the waist
[Geoff:] here are
[Lynn:] but he's got a long inside leg measurement, he says yes I've got a very long inside measur leg measurement, I'm thirty one inside leg and I thought
[Martin:] did you say I was thirty six?
[Lynn:] I said well my, thirty five, I said my son's thirty five inside leg and he said is he really, then he went on to say his cousin is a wo is a woman cousin, is six foot
[Martin:] there was no people though got
[Geoff:] go really big
[Martin:] yeah, everybody knows a eight foot six
[Lynn:] mm... but thirty one, he thought that was big... thirty one stone, really, twins
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] that's quite amazing
[Dave:] yes they can't get through the front door
[Lynn:] well if they're Siamese twins you'd never get
[Martin:] six s
[Lynn:] you know, this woman that I, goes down the school that talks, who I talked to, she knew from Peterborough and I think she's German, she's got an accent, I'm sure for certain she's German, anyway she's got twins in Robert's class and she was talking to me today and she was telling me her husband moved out to move from Peterborough with his job so I said what does he do? and she said he's a scientist, so I said oh is he?, I said does he work at the university?
[Martin:] Lei Leicester's the place to be if you're a scientist in it?, bloody hell
[Geoff:] one of my teachers is
[Lynn:] so I said does he work at the university?, she said yes, and he, he lectures and stuff
[Martin:] don't
[Lynn:] so anyway
[Geoff:] I won't let you
[Lynn:] I was talking to her and I said do you work? and she said no I don't and she said my children are I V F children... In vitro fertilization, so I said how come?, how fascinating, she said it wasn't very fascinating I can assure you, she said it took five years to have them, well she put plainly they pioneered it down there didn't they?
[Geoff:] of course she stuck it straight through her finger
[Lynn:] so er, was it that doctor, Doctor Patrick Steptoe?, well anyway, yeah, she was one of the first to be on the programme and
[Dave:] it's Brown or something
[Martin:] yeah Julie Brown
[Lynn:] yeah it was Louise Brown same age as Geoff
[Martin:] Julie yeah
[Geoff:] I know her
[Lynn:] but she er
[Martin:] oh you cow
[Lynn:] she was one of the first anyway, so er, but it took a long time before she had them, five years' wait, and she said, that, at the last attempt she said to her husband that's it now, if it doesn't work this time, that's it, I'm not having any more attempts, that's it definitely, and they had that successfully and that's how they had the twins, so they're her children, they are their children, it's just they were fertilized outside the womb, in a glass dish... it's fascinating in't it?... she said it's really fascinating I can assure you [LAUGHTER] I said oh I can see...
[Robert:] This is sugar too many sugar
[Geoff:] laughing about cos just one dive with that lot, ha, ha...
[Lynn:] What do you think with those toms he's really er, he's quite, not articulate
[Geoff:] artistic
[Lynn:] no it's not, its not articulate
[Martin:] autistic
[Geoff:] ambidextrous
[Lynn:] no, no, what's the
[Geoff:] ambidextrous
[Lynn:] word you want when somebody's good with their hands?
[Geoff:] ambidextrous
[Martin:] articulate
[Lynn:] articulate?, I thought that was with speech
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] what's with speech then?
[Geoff:] ambidextrous
[Lynn:] it's articulate as well
[Geoff:] dexterity, dexterous, very dexterous... articulate...
[Lynn:] what did she do?
[Martin:] stuck that needle straight through her finger
[Geoff:] yeah, how can you joined to the machine how come she pulled it off so quickly?
[Martin:] that's clever innit?
[Dave:] don't make me laugh, there's no way she
[Lynn:] what with the house? yes one pound?
[Dave:] one pound
[Lynn:] yes right yeah
[Dave:] and also British Rail are gonna give the cash flow fifteen thousand pound for a
[Lynn:] it's a bit
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] what? well they're just gonna dump it then?
[Dave:] well exactly
[Lynn:] and re-build it somewhere else?
[Dave:] yes...
[Geoff:] oh no, she, she
[Lynn:] no especially wearing glasses like that... they can't knock it down, but they've got to move it, well how they gonna do that then?
[Geoff:] to swim you can't dive in, so he jumps in
[Lynn:] that'll be a point, taking it down without breaking a brick.... It don't look very nice there does it?, look at the sky, it's grey, not sunny is it?... she's got a cracking bust hasn't she?
[Martin:] er every time you see her you do
[Lynn:] I know, but she's still got a cracking bust that's why... How did you get on with your table tennis this afternoon?
[Geoff:] Alright...
[Lynn:] the salad servers
[Robert:] do, [humming] do, do, do, do
[Lynn:] have you switched it off now?
[Martin:] no...
[Geoff:] oh the tape recorder's on is it?
[Lynn:] no you daft devil.... Robert
[Geoff:] go away
[Lynn:] Robert would you like er a Charlie Farley rusk?
[speaker001:] So, huh marks out of ten for
[Martin:] erm, rates about an eight
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] check my record collection... and that's that then oh yes sir, have a bit of that, yes Barry Manilow... oh he's a stickler if you don't smash it down to the ground, I'll be really shocked.... Yes well, Larry, have less of that [belch]
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] oh no
[speaker001:] ... She said if I were you I'd have breakfast, she said if you had something like porridge, you'd feel more full and you could perhaps do away with your mid morning four rounds of cheese on toast, she said, perhaps, what d'ya want?
[Lynn:] in a minute
[Martin:] [whispering] what you having Rob? []
[Lynn:] she said if you started off with cereal porridge or something you could have perhaps two rounds of cheese on toast for your break and er, at lunch time just stick
[Martin:] what this?
[Lynn:] to your sandwiches and perhaps an apple or an orange instead
[Robert:] mine, my white thingy
[Lynn:] of the twix and the crisps and
[Robert:] nearly broken it now
[Martin:] oh ain't I silly?
[Lynn:] one cal erm coke diet coke and all that, I says and definitely
[Robert:] watch, watch, watch two, three
[Martin:] two, three of that makes a horrible noise don't it?
[Lynn:] huh, I couldn't believe it, I mean he's been that thick and she says how old are you and he says thirty five, when she's gone, when he's gone she said blimey I thought he was forty five didn't ya?, she said yeah, I said he ain't wearing very well is he? [LAUGHTER], then this woman come in and she was, she'd had an operation and one of her stitches hadn't dissolved and she said I have a shower instead of a bath, perhaps that's why and Sue says yes that's why because you need water to dissolve a stitch, so any way she said to her how old are you, she says thirty seven and Sue says
[Martin:] oh, oh careful, careful, careful
[Robert:] watch, watch
[Martin:] what, what, what I got to watch you do it, careful,
[Robert:] watch
[Lynn:] so I said, she's the same age as me, she said god, she looked much older than you I said yeah I know, I says it cheers you up doing surgery don't it [LAUGHTER] seeing all these people [] that look terrible for their age, so she says well I though she looked older than me, I says yes she does look older, I don't have, I don't know how old Sue is, I think she's forty, I think she's forty, but this woman she's got long hair its all just grey, loads of grey in it... and it didn't look streaked, it did look natural.... Oh Jenny is terrible, Sue and I decided were go to see her today because we had a message that she was in hospital, so we bought her a plant and we were on our way to see today
[Martin:] no
[Robert:] what's that bit?
[Martin:] that's, that's a clip
[Robert:] what's that bit?
[Martin:] microphone, do you want to talk?, no, don't, just stay up there, talk, no, go on talk
[Robert:] a
[Martin:] not too loud
[Robert:] I'm key runner
[Martin:] pardon?
[Robert:] I'm key runner
[Martin:] what you doing at school today?
[Robert:] er... playing, playing and, and standing up
[Martin:] playing and standing up, what you been, what you been doing then?
[Robert:] er
[Martin:] stay there
[Robert:] gimme, gimme
[Martin:] you don't have to hold it close to you
[Robert:] I, I holding it
[Martin:] hold it far away from you then
[Robert:] I...
[speaker001:] Geoff said he's going to Gartree
[Lynn:] Well I made enquiries
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] I've got, I've got an appointment at the school on Thursday
[Martin:] what Gartree?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] you'll have to get up earlier
[Lynn:] huh, have to got to bed earlier as well, what was I gonna say erm... what exams you got on Wednesday?
[Martin:] none tomorrow
[Lynn:] Thursday?
[Martin:] two
[Lynn:] what are they?
[Martin:] French and Ger er Economics and German
[Lynn:] what morning and afternoon?
[Martin:] yes, you can't two in the morning can you?
[Lynn:] what time does your morning one finish?
[Martin:] twelve
[Lynn:] what time you gotta be back?
[Martin:] one thirty...
[Lynn:] I'm gonna have a bit of a job getting Rob to school and over, over to...
[Martin:] you doing...
[speaker001:] Dinner time, I saw him, I went as soon as he came back basically
[Lynn:] oh... trouble is I don't know any way round the problem of his, his lot at his school
[Martin:] go to
[Lynn:] did he tell you what happened yesterday?, hang on I'll get it for you
[speaker001:] It starts of Stuart says to Geoff what team do you support, support and he says Nottingham Forest, ooh Nottingham Forest urgh and he takes the mickey out of him which okay, then he called him
[Lynn:] and all that, then he took no notice of that, [shouting] now don't tip them silly, what the bloody hell you doing that for? [], don't be so daft, so any way, then Stuart goes off into the showers and turns the showers on
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] comes back and says when the teacher come, the teacher was there this time, urgh the showers are on, Geoffrey switched the showers on and then they all start chanting [singing] Geoffrey switched the showers on, Geoffrey switched the showers on [] and er, loads of them, not just him, a load of them did it, and he, he started to cry, and then that was it then weren't it, ooh tiny tears, tiny tears, ooh poofter, poofter, crying and all that I mean he had a right day with it, so he goes to school this morning in Geography and the every body in the class, the girls and every body were going tiny tears, tiny tears, and he said I just ignored it today... he says I just took no notice he says, but they're all going, how's your tears Geoffrey, are we going to cry again today, he says and they were trying to get me to cry today he says, but I just took no notice and Stuart kept going like this Geoff and he says I just went... so he, he did the same back and then he went Geoff... and Geoffrey just went, I mean what you do?, I mean I've said to him answer him back like you would but he, he, the thing is he just thumps them, he just thumps and kicks and hits
[Martin:] oh if he does he gets er done, dunne
[Lynn:] yeah but he don't get done, he doesn't get done, that is the problem, the kids don't, I've written a letter to Mr yesterday, why they were waiting for the games teacher he was hitting Geoffrey and he gave him a dead leg, kneeing him in the leg, he said before drama, he's got drama tomorrow he says he hates drama because the teacher takes no notice, he said one week Stuart was hitting me with a stick and the teacher just said calm down you boys, and he was being hit with a stick... oh no... and this I find totally disgusting and I feel like complaining about this, one of the teachers and I don't know whether its drama... yeah I think it was drama and
[Robert:] get that in a minute
[Lynn:] they were, they were doing a play or something and it, it mentioned about er, erm, what did it mention?, it was a bit rude any way this play... and it oh it was on about an erection or something and Geoffrey said his [LAUGHTER] trousers [] his new trousers were sticking out a bit peculiar
[Martin:] oh god
[Lynn:] and the teacher said Geoffrey stop playing with yourself, now I think that's disgusting
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] I feel like complaining about that
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] that is just not on
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] he wasn't playing peculiar and the teacher say said something about, he was reading it out and the kids said oh what's his name then and she said he's names Geoff and they were all going ooh Geoff and she said, he says I think she does it on purpose
[Martin:] mm...
[Lynn:] but he's proper pissed off, what can he do?, because its not just him, its not just Stuart because... she, cos Geoffrey says oh half the kids in the class are all bloody weird he said, they're supposed to be me friends he says there's only one kid in the class that doesn't join in and its Indipau
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] all the rest join in with Stuart, and Indipau says oh take no notice Geoff, don't let them get you down, but its only Indipau that's not, all the girls they all join in, bloody Colin who, he borrowed his computer that time, remember?
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] he erm, he's given Stuart our phone number... and Stuart's been shouting this, this is Geoff's phone number I mean he's, he's been telling every body our phone number, I says yeah you just let somebody ring us up and I'll bloody well be round their house like a shot if they phone, they
[Martin:] if they phone ca call the police, they'll put a tracer on it
[Lynn:] well
[Martin:] no you call you can call the police
[Lynn:] I know but if they just start
[Martin:] pretend you don't know who it is
[Lynn:] well that's right, I'm not having that
[Martin:] and then get 'em nailed
[Lynn:] but Geoffrey says it, cos I says you gotta hit back you gotta do it, he says yes its all very well but its not just Stuart, its been Blankley,Da,Ja, erm Daniel its a load of them and they all get together... its this Daniel bloke, bash his head in, I would really, I wish somebody I'll bloody threaten him, I really do... you know your big mates, bloody, he's got no older brothers, I mean all your bloody six formers, I'm sure they could frighten the little twat
[Martin:] you want
[Lynn:] you just need to get him on his own away from the crowd
[Martin:] so write to Mr
[Lynn:] have written to Mr three times
[Martin:] , don't bother
[Lynn:] well what good's that gonna do, he must of told
[Martin:] you never know I'd do it any way
[Lynn:] well what can I do?
[Martin:] write to and just say erm Geoffrey's leaving the school as and then say why
[Lynn:] well he, I, I think he will leave
[Martin:] why I'd
[Lynn:] Geoffrey's only qualm is Indipau, he says if Indipau I'll come with me I'll go, I says well don't worry about Indipau, Indipau can look after himself, he says yeah but I like Indipau, I says yeah, but lets face of all the other kids in your class who you gonna be sorry to leave, he said none of them, I said well there you are then. Did you have many form rows when you were at school?
[Martin:] A few but not as many as he's got, not as many as he's got
[Lynn:] Its a big mistake when they let in, into that school, where did they used to go?
[Martin:] Crown Hill
[Lynn:] Crown Hill... its really gone down hill I think since they've let ra, I tell you what he ain't going there
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] not sending him there, rather send him to Judge
[Martin:] I'd send him to Gartree mother
[Lynn:] I'm not sending him there... I'll have to get Geoff to tell you about the story of, you know erm... drama he says is pretty bad because, I mean in drama you sort of mess about any way don't ya?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] and he, he just goes around thumping, kicking and, and going berserk during drama and the teacher just looks on and says calm down and I mean in view of the fact I've written to the school and complained about, but you'd think they would be keeping an eye and he hates drama so much and it, he's got drama tomorrow, if he has any trouble tomorrow morning I'm not sending him tomorrow afternoon I'm gonna start keeping him home and if they ask why I'm gonna say because you can't control your classes and you won't want to now
[Martin:] if its that drama teacher any way
[Lynn:] oh I'll have to ask Geoff if it was, I'm absolutely disgusted about that, I really am disgusted about that
[Martin:] write to Mr about that
[Lynn:] I think I will
[Martin:] definitely
[Lynn:] I think I will cos I'm pissed off, I tell you what, I mean I think, you've been alright throughout your school more or less haven't ya?
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] but I'm most disgruntled the way Geoffrey's getting on, he's not had a single parents evening this year, you know normally you go back to school, you have one September, October which is always too soon
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] he's not had one
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] he's not had one...
[Martin:] write to Mr...
[Lynn:] I'm gonna write, if that, if it was the drama teacher that said that I'm gonna write to her, I'm gonna put copy to Mr
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] write to him as well disgusting, as if you don't, you don't need that sort of aggravation from a teacher stirring up trouble like that making the kids making him a laughing stock, he does not need that, its just not on is it?, and as he says I'm sure she does it on purpose.
[Martin:] She'll deny it though
[Lynn:] I don't care
[Martin:] if she denies it, that's even worse
[Lynn:] don't care, its not a good school any way, tell her to stuff it...
[Martin:] I'd let him leave it as soon as possible
[Lynn:] well I want him to, I've had enough, I think its I mean he's crying all the time, he burst into tears last night he hates school, I mean, what can I do with him?
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] he won't let me go round the kids house, he won't let me do
[Martin:] you can't really go round their house
[Lynn:] well I can do, but he won't let me do any of the things I want to
[Martin:] well you shouldn't go
[Lynn:] the school are doing nothing, okay what did they do, they stopped the money, yeah, they stopped him from having money, they made him pay money back which I'm pleased about that he got
[Martin:] oh wow that's really bad
[Lynn:] but it, he paid back five quid well Geoffrey said in reality it must of been about twenty quid that kid had taken... but er... he said they made him pay back five pounds, so at least they
[Martin:] could I have a sweet Rob?, where is it?, out there?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Robert:] he
[Lynn:] when you, if you get horrid boys at school you tell 'em off, yeah
[Martin:] can I have a sweetie Rob?
[Lynn:] don't you put up with any thing...
[Robert:] I just, I will just, if they will push me I will push 'em back
[Lynn:] you know that Steven is he a nuisance
[Robert:] no
[Martin:] how does he's mummy talk to him Rob?
[Lynn:] today
[Martin:] no let, no, no, no, let him say, how's he say Steven?
[Robert:] [shouting] Steven []
[Lynn:] oh she was shouting at him at dinner time [shouting] Steven [] oh god dinner time she was shouting him
[Martin:] how'd she go Rob?
[Robert:] [shouting] Steven []
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Lynn:] [shouting] Steven []
[Robert:] [shouting] Steven []
[Martin:] and what did she say after that?, what she say after that?
[Robert:] a big smack
[Martin:] she's
[Lynn:] mummy smacked him didn't she?
[Martin:] [shouting] Steven [] she go like that?
[Robert:] mm, Steven very sorry
[Lynn:] [shouting] Steven stop running about [], sounds like it, you do that again I will, she says, you do that again and I'm gonna smack you, right, come here, and she gets him and she whacks him in front of every body, didn't she Robert?
[Martin:] did she hit him hard?, did she hit him really hard?, did she hit him as hard as this?
[Lynn:] she was like this she was
[Martin:] oh missed, took a real swing at it
[Lynn:] she makes me laugh, she stands there talking and she's saying, one minute she's saying oh Steven really loves school, he really enjoys it, he's really calmed down since he's gone to school [shouting] Steven stop running down that corridor [] [LAUGHTER]. You're ever such good boys at school aren't you?
[Martin:] do you do it properly Rob?
[Lynn:] he was trying to do the splits, show Martin how you do the look, look, look, yeah, he come up to me and said hold my hand, right, now do try to do the splits...
[Martin:] is that as far as he goes?
[Lynn:] nearly split your trousers then
[Martin:] careful, are you coming with me?, Thunderbird one
[Robert:] Thunderbirds are go
[Martin:] but that teachers looking for a kicking
[Lynn:] [humming] [singing] any dream will do [], yes I'm starving too
[Martin:] hurry up girl
[Lynn:] oh dear, stop eating rubbish you won't, won't eat any dinner, oh that is disgusting ramming a whole slice of bread in whole
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] without butter
[Martin:] mm, mm
[speaker001:] What else did she say?
[Lynn:] Oh mostly that really, supposedly going to America in February the sixth... and the doctor, she said to the doctor what's the matter and he said you're really, really run down... then he said to her what I suggest you do is to go and buy some cartons of fresh orange juice, a jar of honey and some natural live yoghurt and she's ate it all, now she's got diarrhoea [LAUGHTER] can't win can ya?
[Martin:] oh its terrible in it?...
[Lynn:] she's only been to work once since Christmas, she went erm last Friday
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] and then all the week she's been bad since, I don't know what she did when she didn't go to market
[Martin:] she just didn't go to market, pretty dead though round there any way
[Lynn:] well yeah... especially this time of year really, quite he's not even asleep up there
[Martin:] not... pigs...
[Lynn:] you gonna watch erm Jack The Ripper?
[Martin:] yeah...
[Lynn:] So what times your exam tomorrow?
[Martin:] No, I ain't going in tomorrow I've told you
[Lynn:] oh right, you got a day off?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] what you gonna do then?
[Martin:] dunno
[Lynn:] has Matthew got a day off?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] Richard?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] oh... who've you been on the phone to tonight?
[Martin:] Mat and Rich, but, but Mat last
[Lynn:] are you seeing Katie this week?
[Martin:] dunno, not sure
[Lynn:] well haven't you rang her or any thing?
[Martin:] I saw her today
[speaker001:] But he's loud, he's one of these... oh hello darling, have you had a good day?, have you missed daddy?, I thought oh god shut up, you know, you've got children, oh he's really horrible... and he stands there and he's looking at all the women every one that comes and he smiles and then hello, hello
[Martin:] Nijinsky
[Lynn:] he's a real old woman, urgh, I can't be doing with him...
[Martin:] I wouldn't like that so much you know
[Lynn:] what?
[Martin:] one week in Spain, I'd rather have that two week's in Australia wouldn't you?
[Lynn:] so would I
[Martin:] better than Barcelona?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] that's the, actually, actually I'd rather have that best, that's the third prize two week's in
[Lynn:] You're joking in America
[Martin:] two week's in New York, shopping, spending money thrown in
[Lynn:] the first prize is Spain?
[Martin:] for the Ba for the Olympics
[Lynn:] poo I wouldn't want that, I'd rather go America
[Martin:] I'd rather go to New York, yeah definitely
[Lynn:] mm...
[Dave:] I thought when they done this, it was, they had to put their sport, what kind they would of gone for
[Martin:] that's what they should do I'd of thought
[Dave:] yeah
[Martin:] that's what they used to do
[Dave:] did you hang that other towel on the radiator?
[Geoff:] Yeah
[Dave:] or have you just thrown it up the stairs on the floor?
[Geoff:] left it on the radiator
[Martin:] turn it over Geoff
[Geoff:] eh?, yeah
[Martin:] turn it over Geoffy...
[Lynn:] Will you put the kettle on Martin?
[Martin:] No it don't fit...
[Lynn:] have you had a nice shower?
[Geoff:] yes
[Martin:] that were good...
[Geoff:] hello, that shower was well hot...
[Lynn:] Your hair's grown long again ain't it?
[Geoff:] I need to get it cut
[Lynn:] don't touch please Geoff
[Geoff:] yeah I
[speaker001:] ...
[Geoff:] [cough] its good that is that up there
[Lynn:] [yawn]
[Dave:] That's next Wednesday
[Lynn:] Top Gun
[Geoff:] yeah
[Lynn:] have we seen that?
[Geoff:] yeah, you know I was gonna go to judo on Wednesday don't I?
[Lynn:] is it on Wednesday?
[Geoff:] yeah
[Lynn:] what time?
[Geoff:] I dunno
[Dave:] eight o'clock
[Geoff:] yes...
[Lynn:] have you put your blanket on?
[Geoff:] bl no... oh you
[Martin:] move please
[Geoff:] oh
[Martin:] I was sitting there... don't put your feet up please, thank you...
[Lynn:] Jaffa cakes... all together now Jaffa cakes, does it say
[Geoff:] he's that bloke, that kid out of Grange Hill
[Lynn:] is it?, oh that's disgusting all that blood
[Geoff:] well you did cut the top bit of the
[Lynn:] urgh
[Martin:] I know
[Geoff:] sick, didn't wear gloves
[Lynn:] no they didn't wear gloves in those days
[Geoff:] oh, is, is a real connection... alright I'll have mine then...
[Lynn:] does it say how many calories are on, in these on that box?
[Martin:] nine point six million per biscuit
[Dave:] How many calories in a Jack The Ripper?
[Lynn:] no in a Jaffa, have you got the box?, can you pass it?
[Geoff:] fat, one point nought then, energy one hundred and ninety kilo joules carbohydrate eight point nine
[Lynn:] I've been good all week
[Dave:] I know, last night you went and had, had a snack before going to bed
[Lynn:] what, a bit of lettuce?
[Dave:] and a
[Lynn:] let's have a look please
[Dave:] to tide you over till the morning
[Lynn:] yeah, me stomach were rumbling all night
[Dave:] yeah, there you are don't eat a bit, its not good kidding yourself
[Lynn:] I'm not kidding myself... forty seven calories per cake, oh I think I can have one of those
[Dave:] have three
[Lynn:] no, here you are...
[Dave:] move it away
[Martin:] move it... shut up David Swift
[Lynn:] pardon?
[Martin:] that bloke is David Swift
[Geoff:] yeah
[Martin:] you don't even know what he's been in
[Lynn:] who's David Swift?
[Martin:] he's in Drop The Dead Donkey
[Lynn:] oh... I don't think that is him out of London's Burning I'm
[Martin:] who?
[Lynn:] not convinced
[Martin:] who's it supposed to be?
[Geoff:] that new kid
[Martin:] Colin
[Geoff:] he's
[Martin:] no way
[Geoff:] it is
[Lynn:] I don't think it is
[Martin:] I bet you three million quid that ain't
[Geoff:] it is
[Lynn:] well what was Colin's name?
[Martin:] Steven North
[Lynn:] was it?
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] right
[Martin:] and that is not, he was in Metal Mickey that kid, he played erm the annoying little punk
[Lynn:] oh right, well we'll have to look in the credits at the end and see
[Martin:] ah, but, his face ain't round enough for Colin
[Lynn:] but I didn't think he looks
[Geoff:] but he's, he's younger there
[Martin:] its not, right, there's no way he ain't got the moles on his
[Geoff:] is right
[Martin:] alright then and if not you've gotta give me a quid
[Geoff:] no
[Dave:] he ain't got no money, will you
[Martin:] well that
[Dave:] settle for a fifty
[Geoff:] you owe me four quid, oh did you send that thing off then?
[Lynn:] no cos you owe me seven pound fifty
[Geoff:] have you rite the cheque out?
[Lynn:] no
[Dave:] not until we get some money back
[Geoff:] I don't owe you money
[Dave:] yes you do
[Geoff:] no I don't, you never wrote the cheque out
[Dave:] well until we get the money you ain't getting the cheque rite out do ya?
[Geoff:] no money
[Martin:] I'll wait for your pocket money
[Geoff:] its upstairs mum
[Lynn:] what is?
[Dave:] money, you'll never do it
[Geoff:] silver
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] well go and get the cheque book out the
[Geoff:] er I'll go and get it in the week
[Lynn:] cos the cheque book's in your drawer
[Dave:] no its not
[Lynn:] I haven't got a cheque book
[Dave:] I haven't been in your bag since the end of the week when you asked for them.
[Lynn:] well I ain't gotta cheque book
[Dave:] you have
[Lynn:] did you put it in then?
[Dave:] yes, I took the old one out and put it in
[Lynn:] oh I didn't know I've got a cheque book in there
[Dave:] well its been in there a week
[Lynn:] oh it just shows I haven't written a cheque out then dunnit?
[Dave:] does it?
[Lynn:] I've been paying for me petrol with me money... me family allowance.... What you doing tomorrow morning then?
[Martin:] Dunno
[Lynn:] staying in bed I expect
[Martin:] perhaps
[Lynn:] you've not got school tomorrow?
[Martin:] no, yes...
[Lynn:] Dave's home tomorrow with Roberto
[Martin:] eh?
[Lynn:] Dave's home tomorrow with Roberto
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] ah, how do you reckon... what's er name can do Ken's job that cheap?
[Dave:] perhaps
[Lynn:] stuff in his garage
[Dave:] because that book show's you the price
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] there's no way you can work for that sort of price
[Lynn:] what Ken say I've always wanted a pedestal
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] well what's he got then? oh your joking, I, at
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] oh my giddy aunt, his house is really unmodern in't it?
[Dave:] it is
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Dave:] he's got a gas heater in his hall way then his kitchen
[Lynn:] the kitchen's awful, I hate that kitchen... its awful with that kitchen with the back door in the middle of it, why have they got a back door in the middle of their kitchen?... its right in the middle of it
[Dave:] its nice
[Lynn:] it seems different now, they've got the cooker right by the door
[Dave:] yeah I know, its just how its laid out
[Lynn:] its badly designed and planned int it?
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] its awful
[Dave:] he was saying to me, they're gonna get a new back door or something
[Lynn:] need a new kitchen, dunno about need a new back door, our kitchen looks totally different to them, oh I know what it is, they've got their door to the living room in the kitchen, that's what makes a lot of difference don't it?... but it could be designed better than that
[Dave:] yeah...
[Lynn:] when you look at their kitchen and ours, its the same, they've got their pantry knocked in the same ain't they?, its horrible though I hate it....
[Dave:] His back door I suppose
[Lynn:] is his door rotten?
[Dave:] yeah, terrible
[Lynn:] is ours rotten?
[Dave:] no, its just
[Lynn:] horrible back door that int it?... so what does he want, oh... he wants a new back door
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] and a new bathroom
[Dave:] a new bathroom but er sort of
[Lynn:] what's I gonna say?, and he needs, his, his roof of his porch doing
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] and you say that Arthur's roof's leaking
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] he only did it last year
[Dave:] yeah
[Lynn:] he's not...
[Dave:] I said get some
[Lynn:] why's it, why they leaking if, even if they are flat roof, why are they leaking?
[Dave:] its not a flat roof, he's got it sloping, no not, he's got the top he's just put the, he's got like this see through frost banks foregated
[Lynn:] yes I know, mm
[Dave:] and its just against the back wall
[Lynn:] oh didn't you well how stupid why's he just done it like that?...
[Dave:] well he's got to fix a proper roof on I suppose
[Lynn:] what is that room that he's got at the back?
[Dave:] like er
[Lynn:] a conservatory
[Dave:] no sort of a laundry room a washing machine
[Lynn:] what they got in it?
[Dave:] a fridge
[Lynn:] mm... she's a bit weird, cos your down the alley way and you, you walk into it don't ya?
[Dave:] yeah, and all the so I said to him why don't you get some glass I showed him why don't you get some glass or something, just put it down, just pick up drain and er you'll seal all the alley way up, keep it dry, stops the water getting in.
[Lynn:] Mm, its not many that's got alley ways sealed like ours, mostly all open aren't they?
[Dave:] well
[Lynn:] mm...
[Dave:] yeah, but, see how he'll get on, then have it from the building, that was the building the other side of that wall where all those garages slope away
[Lynn:] you want to apply to that, does it say in writing again?, that's the trouble, you know when they say apply in writing, how much detail have you gotta give, for a job?, I never know what they want to know.
[Martin:] Stick the C V in and you can't go wrong
[Lynn:] well yeah, yeah
[Dave:] Well this, I was chatting to a bloke and erm
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] what they do a lot of these places now, they, put adverts in the paper, they didn't want people, they just put adverts in the paper, they didn't pay for it, see what people are out there and what qualifications they have to have and when things start picking up there, they, they take a pick any people they like
[Lynn:] that's a waste of time
[Dave:] it is a waste of time he, he said its a big con, so that's how they work it now
[Lynn:] [tut]
[Dave:] he said they want the one with the most
[Lynn:] qualifications
[Dave:] skills, qualifications
[Lynn:] yeah well that's right
[Dave:] for that job
[Lynn:] yeah
[speaker001:] Look berk brain I haven't erm got the original advert so i don't know where the, where it is what the address is
[Martin:] What's happen to this button ere?
[Lynn:] I don't know, why?
[Martin:] I don't know there's something in here... oh he's Steven Darell, he's the
[Lynn:] [yawn] Ministry of Health
[Martin:] health means you
[Lynn:] union Ministry of Health
[Martin:] and where's the thing for?...
[Lynn:] dunno...
[Martin:] how much money a year d'you reckon John Majors on?
[Lynn:] Erm
[Martin:] try, erm, you know
[Lynn:] about fifty thousand
[Martin:] seventy six and what d'you think a cabinet minister's on?
[Lynn:] a cabinet minister?, about thirty five thousand
[Martin:] er sixty three, and how much d'you think a normal M P's on?
[Lynn:] not that much
[Martin:] go on
[Lynn:] twenty thousand
[Martin:] thirty one
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] its a good job in it?
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] six hundred pound a week
[Lynn:] Keith has got his own job as well ain't he?
[Martin:] well he's a solicitor, he says he doesn't do any soliciting jobs on the
[Lynn:] I bet he does
[Martin:] side, I, I asked him that and he said he didn't, well I, I think he was lying
[Lynn:] lying through his teeth
[Martin:] you lying git
[Geoff:] You lying git
[Martin:] I'm not a lying git, you're a lying git you know that
[Lynn:] I think he's a lying git don't you?
[Martin:] I think he's a right lying git, I couldn't, he's been a right lying git, he's been saying all the things that he's supposed to say instead of the truth
[Lynn:] oh of course, he's got to impress hasn't he?
[Martin:] do more than, oh look, wonder if he's Jewish look in that back with that star of David flag in that back ground
[Lynn:] where, don't do that
[Martin:] I like this, its been proved that waiting list have gone down in the last six months
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] people have been treated quicker, so that per cent no its not... how can they say no its not?, they wouldn't lie because if they lie they'd get really done wouldn't they?...
[Lynn:] they're saying that their fixing figures by not putting people on the waiting list so the waiting lists are shorter, because they're putting, not, they're saying that to people we can't treat you for about two years so I'm not going to put you on the list at the moment, so they're, cooking the books, that's what they reckon
[Martin:] well, I mean there's some things
[Lynn:] every body
[Martin:] that people don't need doing desperately
[Lynn:] yeah like I mean a pollack
[Martin:] and I mean exactly
[Lynn:] that's not an emergency, life threatening
[Martin:] and they say I've been waiting seventeen years for this pollack, or having your tooth out or having your tonsils extracted
[Lynn:] mm, they're non in, non urgent cases
[Martin:] I think if you want your tonsils out you should go private to have it done personally, cos you don't need it do ya?, I mean you don't get tonsil cancer do ya?
[Lynn:] you get tonsillitis don't ya?
[Martin:] oh well that's really serious that is, its like having the flu every year....
[Dave:] Until you got it, you don't realize
[Lynn:] Yeah its not very nice
[Martin:] Yeah I know I've had it
[Lynn:] yeah I know and
[Martin:] the thing is, its not serious is it?, its not life threatening
[Lynn:] things that I think shouldn't be done on the health service are breast implants
[Martin:] oh no, that's gotta be well out of it
[Lynn:] er, even before the scare came like the silicone
[Martin:] like Claire one, I don't think she should of had that done
[Lynn:] no, no that's different, that is different, she's got a deformity, that is different, people that have 'em done just to enlarge their breasts, I don't think that should be done on the National Health, if they want to do that, then
[Geoff:] So
[Lynn:] they should pay for it
[Martin:] don't do, do cos tic, cosmetic surgery on the N H S do they?
[Lynn:] well yes, breast implants is cosmetic surgery isn't it
[Martin:] yeah I mean face, face lifts
[Lynn:] no, no
[Martin:] that's what I mean
[Lynn:] no, but breast implants is cosmetic, people are doing it to make themselves larger and I don't think, its not necessary is it?, its not necessary, it don't improve their
[Martin:] vanity in it?
[Lynn:] well it is vanity, their health's not gonna improve by er, with their breasts enlarged so I don't see why the National Health should pay for that, if they want that doing they should pay themselves, different in Claire's case because she's got one breast extremely small and one large one so she's got a deformity, that's different, correcting a deformity's different, but if you just wanna go from a size thirty two to a thirty six B, then you should pay for it... don't you think?
[Dave:] Yes
[Lynn:] I think so.
[Martin:] What makes me laugh that the Labour party always say oh interest rates in, sorry the tax rates in this
[Dave:] the other way of doing it is getting woman with bigger boobs
[Martin:] er what is it?, what are they complaining about?... Tax reductions, of that's nice, interest rates or something... and those said oh they're two high over here, in America they're four per cent, now what they don't see is the interest rates are linked with the amount of peop the amount of people earn, the amount of people actually save
[Lynn:] what were the interest rates when Labour were locked in power
[Martin:] yeah, listen to this though, they're saying oh its terrible America have got four per cent and we've got fifteen, America have got four per cent because out of the interest rates comes money for erm, that can't be right, something tax
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] they say oh tax is too high, I mean Labour want to put it up any way, but by the by, this answered them any way, what they say is oh its too high, erm even the American tax is four per cent, who gives a dam, because the thing is in America what you're loosing, what you gain in your tax you have to pay out through the nose for health care
[Lynn:] that's exactly it
[Martin:] you can't afford to be ill in America, I tell you what
[Lynn:] you'll have to mortgage your house if you had a serious illness
[Martin:] if you had what I had we'd of been totally
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] bankrupt
[Lynn:] well wiped out, won't we, we'd have to sell your house to pay for your medication alone
[Martin:] exactly
[Lynn:] I mean it, they complain and moan about the N H S, but basically its a good system
[Martin:] well said...
[Lynn:] you can always complain about any thing, look at America they've got private health care, look at the number of doctor's being sued
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] because people are dissatisfied with the treatment and they're paying for that treatment and they're dissatisfied, so you always get complaints whether you pay or not...
[Martin:] I stood there
[Lynn:] did you?
[Martin:] mm... that box is absolutely amazing
[Lynn:] what box?
[Martin:] that box there that Paisley, I really hate him, I saw him
[Lynn:] Joe Croftman, is it?
[Martin:] yeah, that was the, he's so frightening him, see him and you wet yourself
[Lynn:] huh
[Martin:] we go with Matt right and it was the Sun it was the Wednesday after Spitting Image was showing one as him as Hannibal Lector, and he says I'm going to eat your liver with a nice bottle of campion
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] Nigel Croftman, er Joe Croftman, aargh, huh
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] right and he said in it oh Roy, er Roy, strap him in Roy, cos he's got this like thing and face mask to stop him talking, we saw Roy Hattersley right behind us, it was most embarrassing moment
[Lynn:] did you get hair, hair wettings with the tool
[Martin:] shut up Roy shut up, just shut up, he ain't too bad
[Lynn:] was there many talking when you went?
[Martin:] yeah, we saw Michael Meacher, Social Security bloke, he gets on my wick he does, were from the Labour party and were gonna have such an improved Social Security, and its going to be so good
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] I've stood where he is an all
[Lynn:] I remember when Labour were last in power
[Martin:] people have too short memories
[Lynn:] I've not, when Labour was last in power and were going back now to nineteen seventies, they left the country in a mess, there was three day week, there was strike's, electricity strike, the coal board were on strike, every body was striking and down tools. You used to go to work, I worked in the bank then, and the used to publish what areas were going to have power cuts, d'ya remember?, you were in Bristol at the time, er Stuart was the same, they used to publish what area would be cut off and for what time and for how long and you knew you would get cut off, sort of ten o'clock in the morning till three in the afternoon,usu, four or five hours at a time wasn't it?
[Dave:] Well I was on shift work and used to go in, six to two shift was alright, they didn't break up
[Lynn:] no
[Dave:] but two to ten shift they'd have power cut
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] all afternoon, and all we'd done, we'd just have the lights on, to give us minimum lights, you couldn't use no machinery
[Lynn:] no
[Dave:] just a few lights and what we were doing was cleaning
[Lynn:] well we had in the bank, we had calor gas lamps and when the power cut came we had to have the calor gas lamps on, and er, at night you'd get home and you knew what area was going off at what time and you used to have to rush round, I remember once, it was going off about six and it went off early, it went off about five instead, and I'd started cooking the tea, luckily got a gas cooker and this was at Abbott Road, it started
[Martin:] Devon
[Lynn:] cooking the tea, I remember it was fish fingers and chips I was doing and er the dam lights all went out, you were only little and erm... Lynsey er, she came round from next door because she started cooking her chips
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] and she said, she'd got an electric cooker, can I finish cooking me tea on your cooker, huh, said it went off earlier than we thought... I mean it wasn't
[Martin:] you don't get that with the Conservative party cos they don't let 'em get away with it for a start
[Dave:] well, no, they put up laws to stop
[Martin:] yeah, that's what I mean they don't let 'em get away with it
[Lynn:] it was disgusting how the held the country to ransom didn't they?
[Dave:] there was lots of
[Martin:] oh,
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Dave:] what happen was they kept striking for any reason
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] they was told not to have a cup of tea in the afternoon, and they had a strike
[Lynn:] yeah stupid
[Dave:] British Leyland were the same
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Martin:] British Leyland were well knackered by then
[Dave:] they used to, well, it, it was night shift and they had took a camera into the er factory were they were doing the cars and he had blokes
[Lynn:] fast asleep
[Dave:] fast asleep in sleeping bags
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] in corners
[Lynn:] yeah [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] they were, getting paid
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] for that
[Lynn:] yeah, on night shift
[Martin:] that's a good job that is in it?
[Lynn:] they took sleeping bags to work with 'em
[Dave:] what they were doing was taking turns, one bloke was doing three man's jobs while the other two was a kip
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Dave:] and the next night he'll be kipping and the other one I'll be working and that's how they used to go on and it eventually, that's why it was ten English worker's to one Japanese because of that reason
[Lynn:] yeah, because half of them was sleeping
[Dave:] and, what happened was it was a hell of a stink in dock, because there was all different workers for different jobs, it was one for fitting car seats, you had one for fitting glass, you had one for doing engine, one for fitting the gear box, one fitting wheels on, so you had ten blokes just doing one job on a car
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] and what happened was the Japanese production bloke he was doing it all himself the lot
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] the whole rigmarole
[Dave:] and that was why they were moaning about it
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] and eventually that's what streamlined the English company's
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] its the Japanese that started them all of
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] er the Japanese now they went to Nissan, they only do one thing at, one thing each
[Dave:] that's right
[Lynn:] do they?
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] er it, it proved it like in America they can build a car from end of the production line to the other end, finished, running forty nine seconds
[Lynn:] good gracious
[Dave:] that's what they, they clocked it at
[Lynn:] god
[Dave:] forty nine seconds and they can build a car
[Lynn:] good gracious... well I worry what'll happen to the health service if Labour get in
[Dave:] yeah, well what, what the, the problem is with unemployment is, is technology which, which caused it
[Lynn:] yeah, its done away with labour
[Dave:] that's right where we used to perhaps
[Lynn:] done away with people
[Dave:] where we used to perhaps have five or six blokes building cars, you've got one robot doing it now
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] so its been lost by the blokes jobs
[Lynn:] its the same in all jobs, look at the banks how they've had to cut down on staff, computers have just totally took over, I mean every, every area of work more or less its been done away with by computers
[Dave:] that's right
[Lynn:] apart from nursing
[Dave:] eventually it'll get more and more computer wise, its the same in the motor trade or any trade it all, if the machine goes wrong all they'll have is a pack, just pull the pack out, put a new pack in and put it back
[Lynn:] yeah, don't bother me don't bother maintain don't bother, no
[Dave:] they don't say that because micro chip is that cheap to make now
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] they just pull one out and
[Lynn:] I know
[Martin:] you know my, you know vouchers for shops mum, do they give you change?
[Lynn:] no... no
[Dave:] usually its gotta be a little bit more
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] than what the vouchers
[Lynn:] yeah
[Dave:] worth
[Lynn:] either dead on
[Martin:] or a bit more
[Lynn:] or more, if you spend less you don't get any
[Martin:] or though you could just like, if you got something for say ten ninety nine and it was fifteen pounds and you got something else as well
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] just to make it up
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Martin:] say you want to make it dead on then or just
[Lynn:] or just over, yeah
[Dave:] can I tell you another thing, any job with Government funding don't go into it
[Martin:] not even with Labour around
[Lynn:] no
[Dave:] not even go into it, because what happens is they're allowed so much funding in a year and if the budget runs out half way through, that's every body out of work.
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] I was on er one of those jobs
[Lynn:] that's why
[Dave:] for an insulation company and we were on a Government funding and money ran out and it took us up to Christmas really and after Christmas we were out of work for four months
[Lynn:] that's why
[Dave:] that was awful
[Lynn:] nursing there
[Martin:] save
[Lynn:] trying to, yeah you're safe, but they're trying to, our community unit are trying to be a trust like the hospitals are opting out aren't they?
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] and they are excepting a lump sum from the Government and they're going to manage themselves and make a going concern of it as a business... and any profits they get will go back to that hospital, well the community unit are opting out as well, they're hoping to opt out, but if Labour get in, they're gonna do away with all that and they want to undo all the one's that have opted out, I mean I dunno how the hell they're gonna do it
[Martin:] I tell you what though
[Lynn:] because I, the doctors I work for they have opted out, they are what they call it fund holding, they've got their own budget, they've got a, they've got a practice manager and its run as a business and they look at every thing... and any profits that they get are ploughed back into the G P's surgery and er, and they improve the surgery facilities for the patience, and it will be a better service, but I mean how can Labour come in and then say right you're not doing that, how can they undo it
[Martin:] they can't
[Lynn:] they can't undo it
[Martin:] its like the franchise businesses, but they'll nationalise them again
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] and what'll they do buy the shares back off people which'll
[Lynn:] I know
[Martin:] cost them bloody loads and then they'll turn it into an absolute cack heap like it was before. I mean British Gas, fair enough it was quite efficient, but its not as efficient as it is now, same with Telecom, Electricity, Water and Sewage
[Lynn:] mm... I mean every Government does some good and some bad, but on the whole I think the Conservative have done good, because they've made more people home owners than ever before
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] enabled them to buy their Council houses, at er cheaper rate because they've lived in them a long time and its, its given a lot of people more independence, unemployment would of happened who ever was in power
[Martin:] you the thing is
[Lynn:] it doesn't matter, they've not caused it
[Martin:] what Labour is saying is that the reason why there's low employ high employment is because er where, they're trying to cut inflation which is, one of the side ways of cutting inflation is that interest rates go up and, but the thing is that which then leads to unem unemployment, but the thing is you can't have a decent the, full growing economies, its full capacity if you've got high inflation all the time knackering you up
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] before you do any thing you've gotta kill that before you start
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] its alright saying twelve years, but twelve years on a scale of hundred is nothing really
[Lynn:] no... I hate it when each party calls each other blind, oh yes its, its better if you have us and were gonna do this and were gonna do that it gets on my nerves... its really irritating
[Martin:] the thing that annoys me most is that, the amount of bad memories people have, I mean not bad memories as in bad thoughts, but bad
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] forgetfulness
[Lynn:] yeah, or
[Martin:] I mean how can you flipping forget?...
[Lynn:] and the three days working week
[Martin:] the sewage not being er rubbish not being collected, graves not being dug
[Lynn:] that's right, that's right, the the bin men strike
[Martin:] have you ever had that? I mean Maggie Thatcher came in and told them whether they
[Lynn:] all the
[Martin:] they, told them they can like it or lump it and they said the miner's strike, but she still won the election after the miner's strike which
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] was only about seven months after
[Lynn:] she didn't give in to 'em did she?
[Martin:] if you don't give in to 'em, you'll nail 'em
[Lynn:] she didn't give in, they didn't accomplish any thing, I remember the bin man strike, how many week's was that, that the rubbish was all
[Martin:] its twenty seven weeks
[Lynn:] was it? all
[Martin:] well, well in diff in different, different parts of the country
[Lynn:] it was rotting
[Martin:] in Liverpool it was twenty seven weeks
[Lynn:] rotting away they wouldn't take the rubbish would they?
[Martin:] Liverpool was the worse, they didn't dig, dig graves for about twelve months
[Lynn:] dig graves
[Martin:] twelve weeks are they?
[Lynn:] that's stupid isn't it?, ruddy ridiculous, that's the trouble because Labour are all for the unions aren't they?
[Martin:] I like the, there was, there was a, er big bill board in town, I dunno if you saw it and it says, I think it had Labour right, in really big letters, and they said who's really behind me, it was a Conservative one, they said who's really behind them and in it every one there's like a T U C leader one of the union leaders
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] which is true
[Lynn:] its run by the blinking erm unions Labour
[Martin:] yeah, I mean in Ireland they, fair enough, they call it the unionist party
[Lynn:] mm, well that's what it is in it?, that's what it is
[Martin:] but what makes me laugh is doctor he's, I think he's absolutely cracked
[Lynn:] cracked?
[Martin:] cracked
[Lynn:] is he Labour?
[Martin:] oh is he Labour, he's, he's straight left he is
[Lynn:] is he?
[Martin:] I mean that's ridiculous, the money he's on they'll cripple him, they'd absolutely nail him wouldn't they for money?
[Lynn:] yeah, yeah
[Martin:] and granddad Pat was saying that there's, Steven Fry on the telly he was, he was saying he made,ha I think he said he made half a million pounds out of something and he was, he says I'd like to join go into parliament as a Labour thing, granddad says oh that'll be really sensible, he said you'll loose half of that money if you do that
[Lynn:] yeah...
[Martin:] but Pete if he, I mean I don't see why he doesn't if he went private for two years he'd make enough to retire, in two years, no sweat, he won't have to work again, I mean I bet his house is paid for
[Lynn:] yeah... he's one of the few doctor's that's not seemingly not all for what he can get, he seems to be a genuine caring chap... I mean a lot of doctor's they burn the candles at both ends
[Martin:] I mean the thing is though
[Lynn:] private clinics and first thing in the morning
[Martin:] in this private in this country doesn't mean that you've got to pay for it, it does mean that you've got to pay for yourself, but its not like obligatory, so you might as well get the money you can, if you that, at that, at that standard aren't, hadn't you really?, if you can get that money, you'd be thick not to go for it...
[Lynn:] yes, but then what's bad about that is, the doctor's taking the supplies from the Health Service to their private clinics
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] that's what goes on and that's what's draining the Health Service as well. When I worked at the General, doctor's who shall be name less used to
[Martin:] oh look
[Lynn:] yeah, oh yeah, doctor's who shall be name less, used to fill up black plastic bags full of supplies
[Martin:] [whispering] I know him [] the bloke on the left, sorry, this is where I've been, that bloke
[Lynn:] yeah I know
[Martin:] called Joe, that bloke on the left, he's about his personal secretary...
[Dave:] Joe
[Martin:] that's still not it as much as er Robert Maxwell lost and seem,ca, see the Labour party nailing him for that, no you don't because he was a head of a Labour party paper
[Lynn:] yeah, that's true...
[Martin:] Thrindon Five Mill that's a, that's er... that's two thirds of Maxwell's pension fund... Keith's gonna become a cabinet minster I reckon at, the way he's going, bad luck
[Lynn:] how can he?, he's not, they're not in power
[Martin:] no shadow cabinet
[Lynn:] I think he will, actually I think he's quite good... don't you?
[Martin:] look at that
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] how many wogs?... yes wogs...
[Lynn:] why do they call
[Martin:] or whatever it is, oh B C C one employees spokesman...
[Lynn:] don't it make you think though that Keith I mean would he really become pain in the side if it was just an ordinary battle
[Martin:] I mean there's seven people there and six of what, six of black
[Dave:] I'll bet you'll find that the majority of shops at
[Martin:] the thing is, the thing that makes me
[Lynn:] yes
[Martin:] sick about this is, B C C one, if they wanna put in a bunk what's wrong with the big four, I mean you don't prat around with B C C one
[Lynn:] who the heck are they any way? about
[Martin:] they just prat around abroad mainly
[Lynn:] mm
[Dave:] yeah, there's a lot
[Martin:] I mean Abu Dabi there based I mean Abu bleeding Dabi
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] that's lining their pockets who've they've got more money than they know what to do with
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] oh er are... [LAUGHTER] yeah [], Maxwell, you see his sons are clamming up, they're not saying a flipping word
[Lynn:] well they probably don't, well
[Martin:] they, oh don't tell me they don't know, they run the company... see...
[Lynn:] mm, the thing is though, that wasn't a Court hearing yesterday and... whatever they say is gonna incriminate them so if they want to ask them questions they've gotta take them to Court haven't they?
[Martin:] mm, yeah
[Lynn:] they got to take them to Court and ask the off the questions officially under oath, there's no good getting 'em together like that
[Martin:] oh Mrs
[Lynn:] with a drop of clanger
[Martin:] Mrs can't stand Neil Kinnock you know
[Lynn:] oh can't
[Martin:] she thinks he's a Welsh wind bag, she said, she said that the other week
[Lynn:] Welsh wind bag?... oh he's lost his hair a lot ain't he?
[Martin:] mm can't be doing with Algeria I really cannot be doing with Algeria
[Lynn:] Geoff dear where is the advert for these games, because I don't know the address and I don't know who I've got to make the cheque payable too
[Geoff:] You haven't thrown it away have ya?
[Dave:] I haven't thrown any thing away, you had it last
[Martin:] where is it then?
[Geoff:] erm, erm, oh no
[Martin:] Sweden
[Lynn:] what you doing with these?
[Dave:] you were the one, you were the one writing down the number and the name of the game
[Lynn:] parking wings on three screens four for
[Dave:] er, I'm sure its gonna be on there in it?
[Geoff:] well I don't put it any where
[Dave:] Robert's had breakfast in that chair, the last four days
[Martin:] well where did you have it?, when did you have it?
[Dave:] Saturday, when he was writing his letter
[Geoff:] if you done it on the night mum, we wouldn't have this
[Lynn:] well is it on the wall unit some where?, is it down by the papers?, not that wall unit, there, over there
[Dave:] over there, he had it, he was writing a letter out...
[Martin:] I dunno what get, I don't know, it gets on my wick out there, there always like, every country linked with religion for some bloody stupid reason, I mean its so primitive, no body else is in the modern world are they?
[Lynn:] no
[Martin:] I mean not even Russia and they're well behind the times...
[Dave:] not like us
[Martin:] yeah I know, but they, they don't say well if you're not orthodox you can't come here, do they?... oh no
[Lynn:] eh?
[Martin:] Spurs are out Gary
[Lynn:] who beat em?
[Martin:] Aston Villa, but they're t, first division though, empty net, there's a bloke standing on the line, how can it be empty, let's have a look... oh Woking lost, Leicester didn't play tonight, no
[Lynn:] they can't,Farnbor Farnborough's last look
[Martin:] cor West Ham struggled against Farnborough, struggled, Bristol City yes, you beaut, that means we Leices, Bristol City's instead of Wimbledon
[Lynn:] oh were playing Bristol City and not Wimbledon
[Martin:] Wimbledon are sods you know
[Lynn:] are they?
[Martin:] you don't want them... that's good erm, that's a good win away from home....
[Lynn:] Breken, its Bracken
[Martin:] Breken
[Lynn:] I say its Bracken
[Martin:] oh five nil, five nil
[Lynn:] er they always have high scores don't they?
[Martin:] er, they always score more goals in Scotland
[Lynn:] why do Scotland always score more goals?
[Martin:] I think the goals must be bigger or something, but they always get loads they always
[Lynn:] they do
[Martin:] and the goals
[Lynn:] always high scorers
[Martin:] are far more fu, fun to watch because they always fly in from miles out
[Lynn:] and if you look at the Scottish results
[Martin:] the thing is in Scotland though, there's five good teams and the rest are rubbish
[Geoff:] yeah
[Martin:] there's like
[Lynn:] when you look at the Scottish results you don't get many draws in the Scottish league
[Martin:] oh you do, you do don't you Dave you get loads of draws in Scotland?
[Geoff:] yeah, cos
[Martin:] the last few are fifty six, fifty eight are usually famous for draws
[Lynn:] mm
[Martin:] good night C B E, but
[Lynn:] is he C B E?
[Martin:] yeah, he got charged for the commander
[Lynn:] can you find another magazine with the advert in?
[Geoff:] no
[Lynn:] fine
[Geoff:] eh?
[Lynn:] fine
[Geoff:] oh
[Lynn:] its gotta be over there somewhere Geoff
[Geoff:] I'll have to find it over
[Dave:] its not over here, he had it Saturday, when he was writing his letter
[Geoff:] over there, I told you
[Lynn:] I have seen it when I was tidying up
[Martin:] mm
[Lynn:] a piece of paper...
[Martin:] oh I like this advert, watch, watch this
[Lynn:] you like it cos its all food
[Martin:] no its rugby Bill Maclaren, I like him, shilly, shally...
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] oh... [LAUGHTER]... my mother always used to buy H P baked beans when I was a kid
[Martin:] what are they like?
[Lynn:] and the advert was [singing] H P baked beans they're the beans for me, H P baked beans they're the beans for me [] they're a bit more spicy
[Geoff:] ...
[Martin:] oh
[Lynn:] my mother always used to buy Pan Yan pickle
[Dave:] yeah Pan Yan
[Lynn:] not, not Branston, Pan Yan
[Martin:] well I can't say I eat either, so it wouldn't really affect me would it?
[Lynn:] I like Pan Yan actually, next time we have pickle I think I'm going to buy Pan Yan
[Martin:] don't do it any more I don't think
[Geoff:] why the hell are you going to buy that for?
[Lynn:] they do do Pan Yan pickle
[Dave:] still do it
[Lynn:] of course they do Pan Yan, what a funny name, Pan Yan, I bet its a Chinese bloke that er invented it... Geoffrey what you doing dear?
[Geoff:] still at work mother
[Lynn:] trying to get something in something that won't go... is it not underneath that tissues and all that
[Dave:] no its
[Lynn:] pile of
[Dave:] its not there
[Lynn:] its not?...
[Dave:] was it one of those badges he's got on the back on the front
[Lynn:] I didn't see it no
[Martin:] no er he had a Peugeot three O five
[Lynn:] who did?
[Martin:] you talking about Glen?
[Lynn:] yeah
[Martin:] yeah he had a Peugeot three O five
[Dave:] three O five in it?
[Martin:] quite biggish one big Peugeot
[Lynn:] oh would there be
[Dave:] Peugeot nine?
[Martin:] yeah that's the one biggish car
[Lynn:] there be
[Dave:] hatchback
[Martin:] yeah
[Lynn:] is that what is was?
[Martin:] yeah it, it looked a bit like that, but its Peugeot definitely
[Dave:] was it red?
[Martin:] no
[Lynn:] no it was grey, greyie black
[Martin:] no it weren't it was metallic green, dark metallic green
[Lynn:] no way it weren't
[Martin:] it was
[Lynn:] weren't
[Martin:] was
[Lynn:] couldn't, when?
[Dave:] there only cheap to buy a car int they?
[Martin:] the other day when you went over to see what's it mother
[Lynn:] it wasn't green
[Dave:] ninety nine pound down in it?
[Lynn:] it wasn't green, it was grey
[Martin:] oh well I thought it was green but never mind
[Lynn:] no way was it green
[Martin:] well I mean it was still a Peugeot three O nine, its definitely Peugeot
[Lynn:] Ken, Rita said it was a, its a Porshe
[Martin:] oh, well, yeah
[Lynn:] and when
[Dave:] well she might have thought it was a Porshe, but Peugeot Porshe
[Lynn:] Ri Rita said Ken said it was a Porshe, but when I asked Ken he said he didn't say it was a Porshe, he says I wouldn't know a Porshe if I've seen one and I says yeah, that's what Dave said, ha, ha, ha, cos you said oh Ken don't know one car from another and, and that's what he said...
[Martin:] I had a very interesting talk in my French oral about
[Dave:] they have erm
[Martin:] Prince car industry
[Lynn:] oh yeah
[Dave:] he has marked it all out when it'll take him
[Lynn:] is he there then?
[Dave:] no...
[Martin:] got it?, is that it?
[Geoff:] no
[Martin:] well look in your other magazines
[Geoff:] there's not gonna be in there
[Lynn:] why?
[Martin:] get the other magazines
[Geoff:] how you gonna know without seeing the thing that's stuck?
[Lynn:] we've got more than
[Martin:] we know what the
[Geoff:] there's loads of company's int there?
[Lynn:] you've got the
[Martin:] I know what company it was
[Lynn:] you've got the numbers written down here
[Dave:] you've got to correspond with the numbers ain't ya?...
[Martin:] I mean if its any thing like a golf magazine, every week, every month
[Lynn:] the same
[Martin:] the same company's I'll advertise
[Lynn:] advertise of course they do
[Martin:] I mean in every golf magazine you get Eagle Golf, you get American Golf and you get Navada Bobs and that's it
[Lynn:] Navada Bobs, what's Navada Bobs?
[Martin:] oh its a cute, little, little cowboy with a big hat on called Et Navada Bob
[Lynn:] oh
[Martin:] an American company surprisingly
[Lynn:] its flog tonight
[Martin:] look at this, please could you send me the following disc the Amiga five hundred, number, any num he writes number every time, one, two, three, four, five
[Lynn:] well at least he spoke of that
[Martin:] five
[Lynn:] you'd think he would of listed 'em in a list wouldn't ya?
[Martin:] yeah, listen to this, this sounds a bit confusing, number two, five, four, Monopoly, Cluedo and others
[Lynn:] [LAUGHTER]
[Martin:] others what?
[Lynn:] yeah, but that's the name of the game, Monopoly, Cluedo and others
[Martin:] oh right, oh go on, send disks to Mr, send disks to Mr Geoff, I'm getting worried, I've not heard from any of my polytechnic's
[Lynn:] no, and you didn't write to your pen friend either
[Martin:] I've, this is more important mother, this is serious...
[Lynn:] has every body heard by now?
[Martin:] full gallon, full tank
[Lynn:] has every body heard though?
[Martin:] London and Newcastle and Portsmouth, well no, Portsmouth and Newcastle have they'll do, they will do
[Lynn:] don't want you to go to London particular
[Martin:] well I don't want to go to London particularly well I
[Lynn:] oh where's the blinking ad, advert in the fog aren't they?...
[Martin:] look at that
[Lynn:] my god...
[Martin:] now if you're not telling me he went, he, you telling, telling me he didn't go too fast... thirty cars and six lorries... give give, it was zero weren't it?
[Geoff:] no
[Martin:] I'll find it, no probs
[Geoff:] erm I did have another one, but I don't know where it is but I had that ages ago in one of my
[Lynn:] well I don't know
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] I'm sure I saw it over there because I was tidying up
[Geoff:] over where?
[Lynn:] in that lot over there, underneath all that rubbish
[Martin:] well look again Geoff... get every thing out and place it, that's it...
[Lynn:] well if any thing its more likely to be at the top of the pile, not the bottom
[Geoff:] sock, I've got a Batman sock here
[Lynn:] oh great, any body want a bobby Batman sock?, phew dear his feet smell... I remember seeing it, I don't remember if it was yesterday, cos I remember seeing the games and all that, I didn't throw it away
[Martin:] do you know where you send in the thing to?
[Geoff:] no
[Martin:] why don't you address the envelope?
[Geoff:] er, cos there's no envelope
[Dave:] I thought you said you was gonna get one out the box and you couldn't bother to or something
[Geoff:] well no cos mum was doing the ironing and how do I get it out if she's with the ironing?
[Martin:] ah well this is it love, there's load up here
[Geoff:] yeah, but
[Martin:] legend, this looks like it to me
[Geoff:] Martin they're not, they're games, they're games they're not are there?
[Lynn:] is there any sweets in there?
[Geoff:] eh?
[Lynn:] eh, this kid, this little baby look, savage by a ferret, listen...
[Martin:] hadn't eaten...
[Lynn:] see his little face
[Martin:] poor thing, tell you what I wouldn't...
[Lynn:] oh god, I'd of shot it, I can't stand ferret's I can't
[Martin:] I'd of seriously given that thing a good kicking...
[Geoff:] do you want to sit over here mum?
[Lynn:] well ferret's a wild animal
[Martin:] what the hell
[Lynn:] int it?
[Martin:] wouldn't be over there Geoff
[Geoff:] do you want to sit over here mum?
[Lynn:] no
[Geoff:] I might of put it up there and you put all these magazines on it
[Lynn:] well have a look then, I don't know where it is... there's nothing down here
[Geoff:] oh no
[Martin:] I think its legend
[Geoff:] its not a legend I know that
[Lynn:] no, its not a legend
[Geoff:] but its a different, its not like them is it?
[Martin:] G something in it?
[Geoff:] yeah, its
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] you sure its not in the things at the side?, what at
[Dave:] he's got it all out
[Lynn:] yes, but I've seen it
[Dave:] yes, but its not there if I've had it all out in it?, you took up to bed with him that's why you can't
[Geoff:] of course I ain't
[Lynn:] when, when did he take it to bed with him?
[Martin:] Saturday
[Geoff:] oh god
[Lynn:] I've seen it since Saturday, I've seen it round here since Saturday...
[Martin:] turning me Geoff oh its quite there
[Geoff:] its good
[Martin:] Elf looks quite okay...
[Geoff:] see you look at the wrong type of thing, that's the type of thing you look at
[Martin:] it was half a page one weren't it?
[Geoff:] like that?
[Martin:] that's not half a page, about that... see that one you did, you used to have one on your thing, on your er doodah
[Geoff:] yeah
[Martin:] on your armpit...
[Geoff:] look at that
[Dave:] What's that supposed to be?
[Geoff:] what?
[Martin:] rubbish
[Geoff:] no that's supposed to be the best
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] what?
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] well somebody must of thrown it out then, that's all I've got to say
[Geoff:] well I haven't
[Lynn:] well I haven't... coffee?
[Martin:] no
[Geoff:] I dunno I might of thrown it out actually, when did I, was it on the table last night?
[Lynn:] yeah, I've seen it in the last day or two
[Geoff:] probably out there in it?
[Lynn:] where?
[Geoff:] in the bin
[Lynn:] which bin?
[Geoff:] I dunno, it, probably thrown in that bin
[Lynn:] its not in there now
[Dave:] cos that went this morning
[Lynn:] look, where's you read the magazine?
[Geoff:] I don't know it, I've not had
[Lynn:] well is it down there?
[Geoff:] I've not had that right in years, so
[Martin:] well in that case you don't, you're not gonna need that any way cos its not gonna be in it, is it?, you should of left it in the magazine Geoff.
[Lynn:] I can't get it then can I?...
[Martin:] [yawn] oh dear, dear...
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] why you looking there?
[Lynn:] looking for his magazine
[Martin:] oh... I don't know where this is... who's this El Vira woman he keeps seeing?
[Lynn:] El Vera
[Geoff:] El Vera
[Martin:] who's she?
[Lynn:] tut
[Geoff:] can't you read?
[Lynn:] El Vera
[Martin:] El Vera is with an E, that's I, El Vi
[Lynn:] but you still say El Vera don't ya?
[Martin:] I say El Virus but, you don't say oh I've got a Verus
[Geoff:] where's the magazine I cut out I know I didn't throw that away
[Lynn:] oh is it in that corner?... that's where I put all the stuff, Jack The Ripper
[Martin:] Jack The knickers, er Jack The Ripper
[Geoff:] whipper
[Martin:] oh I see, you've got this haven't you Geoff final blow
[Geoff:] mm, don't know how you do it though....
[Martin:] paper boy two tut, but I'm of the old breed I suppose aren't I?...
[Geoff:] oh
[Lynn:] er, blinking dog, cobwebs, urgh
[Dave:] aargh
[Martin:] this look's better
[Geoff:] what?
[Lynn:] that toffee's nice, give me another one of them
[Martin:] got all teams in it mine's different cos I've got intimate football
[Lynn:] gold, gold, quite nice, mind ya fillings
[Dave:] next week
[Lynn:] yeah, gotta go dentist next week... dentist next week men
[Martin:] yes, look, that's never, that's not him is it?
[Lynn:] no its not
[Martin:] look at his hair, his hair ain't that thin
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] no... no I'm sorry I don't think so.... Do you want waking up tomorrow morning or not?
[Martin:] I don't know
[Geoff:] no I wanna stay in bed all day
[Martin:] yes, er yes you can do about eight, coffee pot on
[Dave:] seven...
[Martin:] no I said eight
[Lynn:] I won't be up at seven
[Dave:] I will [LAUGHTER] alright
[Lynn:] he said eight
[Dave:] so
[Martin:] oh when ever it don't bother me
[Dave:] start banging around out there about ten past, you'll be up then...
[Martin:] perhaps he's telling you off
[Geoff:] he's telling you to do your collar up, stupid boy, eh?...
[Martin:] what a red barrel?
[Lynn:] [singing] roll out the barrel []... it, doesn't something happens to her?
[Martin:] yes she gets absolutely
[Lynn:] chopped up
[Martin:] killed to pickle... see its not is it mum?
[Lynn:] no... oh dear
[Martin:] strapping it on him...
[Lynn:] what she crying for?, what she going on the street for if she don't like it?, silly idiot
[Martin:] she's never done it before
[Lynn:] well why she doing it?
[Martin:] she don't know she's not gonna like it...
[Lynn:] huh, oh he's still married to Shakeara Bash in't he?
[Martin:] Shakeara Caine
[Lynn:] yeah, but she was called Shakeara Bash, she was a Miss World finalist weren't she?, was she Miss World Shakeara Bash?, she was somewhere, some hot country... that's good in it?
[Martin:] who him?... he's teeth are terribly yellow
[Lynn:] yeah they are aren't they?
[Martin:] he's are white
[Lynn:] are we to say that we didn't want it to be Prince
[Martin:] yes I think so, oh well class rugby
[Geoff:] get him at
[Martin:] dunno why they've got Gary Schofield down there because I don't think with rugby league would it?
[Geoff:] yeah this is rugby league rugby world cups
[Martin:] oh its her that gets killed actually
[Geoff:] she gets killed, I know it is, do you know why cos its
[Martin:] yes it is
[Dave:] what's that?
[Geoff:] get's it as well
[Martin:] Lysette Anthony...
[Lynn:] what she been in Lysette Anthony?
[Geoff:] I dunno...
[speaker001:] Some Budweiser, nice one, get down this, comes back with two bottles says go and get another one, go get another, go on, once my dad starts going it's fucking wonderful, he don't stop buying it's great stuff. That's my dad, not my step dad who's got like a wank of everything... [whistling]. What date's your mum and dad going away?
[Rich:] Don't know
[Martin:] You know Scott?
[Scott:] They ain't booked anything yet [music]
[Martin:] My, my cousin she's a girl, she smokes cigars [LAUGHTER], that's a bit sad that is
[Rich:] yeah, very
[Martin:] my other cousin though she's got the biggest bats I've ever seen, massive titlets
[Rich:] [LAUGHTER] fucking enormous
[Martin:] is she nice?
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] she's also engaged to a
[Martin:] oh this is a hefty fucking Cleo Rocos on this, Cleo Laine or whatever her name is [music]. Are you shitting about that fr about that economics exam tomorrow Rich?
[Rich:] No not really
[Martin:] I wouldn't worry it's not that hard... well it's hard, but it ain't too hard. That's a nice patch of fog weren't it? [music]. Look, I tell you what Rich, make it your New Year's Resolution to ask out Julie on Saturday, no worries
[Rich:] She's going out
[Martin:] so what...
[Scott:] she might not be
[Martin:] exactly
[Rich:] so it's not the point is it?
[Martin:] in which case Richard the laughing B H S man comes in handy
[Rich:] Sarah's going out with someone nice, Sarah
[Martin:] who's she going out with?
[Rich:] someone in the R A F
[Martin:] not Mike?
[Rich:] no, this guy called Bob,Sar Sarah and me and my usually self wanted to get back, make it serious but he wasn't interested
[Martin:] he's alright actually why?
[Rich:] oh I just felt like it...
[Martin:] fucking hell, this is well bad....
[Rich:] because normally you get it out in the country before you get it
[Martin:] in the country, in the, the city, yeah
[speaker001:] [music]
[Martin:] What you doing at the weekend Rich?
[Rich:] Dunno, working Saturday and on Sunday gonna play Ryan, that's about it.
[Martin:] Gonna caddy for him Scott?
[Scott:] Yeah...
[Martin:] When I caddy for Matt he made loads of putts, it's was well cool.
[Scott:] yeah [music] it's good if he caddies for me cos if he's playing by shot he goes, ee crap, bastard, so I think fuck you and er stiff my necks on to it
[Martin:] do
[Rich:] and he'll still call you a crap bastard
[Scott:] yeah
[Martin:] did you find it stiff sticking to a millimetre, going you crap bastard why didn't you hold it.
[Rich:] hold it and go
[speaker001:] [music]
[Rich:] Did you beat Ryan?
[Martin:] He's a fucker, I can't stick him... he's the most snobbish little cunt I've ever known... I'd like to see what stuff he had if he had to pay for it himself hard luck, no I'd like to see what he'd do with his stuff if he had to pay with it, pay for it himself. Cos he's well out of order, when you, were you there when he was were you there when he was like slamming his nine iron into one of those brick posts, that's sad
[Rich:] he does rate his clubs though, cos he gets a new one
[Martin:] he's a twat... oh you prick... I don't believe this cunt
[Rich:] twenty mile an hour on the A forty seven... this is where you get a big, some big lorry come along and go and land up my fucking arse
[Scott:] the wave if the future
[Rich:] come on now, put your fucking boot down you old bastard
[Martin:] go past him and give him a fucking shot on the hooter... twat
[Rich:] well even the cars going the other way are going faster so what the fuck...
[Martin:] oh this guy's, got the foot down now, he's doing thirty five...
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] go on horn, you know you wanna
[Rich:] over twats like that, though, yes and I have got right of way
[Martin:] don't that put you off when drivers come the other way and you've got right of way and they always go, and they go past
[Rich:] no thank you
[Martin:] exactly
[Rich:] they presume it's their right and just go through, generally find it's someone with either a high powered car or a flash, you know, sort of, Granada or summat like that. They think they fucking own the roads
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] I don't bother I goes through [music]
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] Cor you're a long time coming back from the Rose and Crown, don't forget that's where we were
[Rich:] she'll know we haven't been there
[Martin:] d'ya reckon
[speaker001:] ... Go at one of them, if they've got like
[Lynn:] They've got no brothers and sisters
[Martin:] yeah I know, but the thing is if, they don't have to have brother and sisters at
[Geoff:] Er, everyone knows he's you like brothers even if they're black or white
[Lynn:] the parents are just as bad anyway...
[Martin:] parent be
[Rich:] worse than the dog
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Geoff:] yeah and nearly every one of them were football
[Martin:] I mean that our dad was gonna come up, he says do you want me to come up, but there's nowt you can do though
[Geoff:] I do know that
[Martin:] not against a gang like that though, no...
[Lynn:] absolutely ridiculous
[Martin:] the thing is I reckon Geoff could take them all on one by one
[Lynn:] oh I think he could
[Martin:] but I mean
[Lynn:] oh I think he could
[Martin:] but three, but more than two it's that
[Lynn:] yeah got about ten, I mean wh what chance has he got?
[Martin:] precisely, still would be, get me the salt
[Lynn:] the thing is it
[Martin:] tomatoes?
[Lynn:] he can't hold his head up now can he? since he cried
[Martin:] no cos you can't act hard when you're crying
[Lynn:] well exactly... and that headmaster said about the bully at their school, it, he thought that was really bad the fact he
[Martin:] well the thing is
[Lynn:] thumped this girl back, he says and I told him he will not be able to stay at school for dinner
[Martin:] well I mean that's good because at least er, I mean city haven't done that have been
[Geoff:] what?
[Martin:] Gartree they think that a boy hitting a girl in the back is serious bullying, a boy hitting a girl in the back....
[Lynn:] Do you have sugar?
[Rich:] Yeah, one please...
[Geoff:] make me laugh they do
[Dave:] Are you supposed to be going with him on holiday?
[Rich:] Er I dunno what's happening yet it says in this book
[Geoff:] you better get a load of food
[Rich:] it says in this book the other day
[Martin:] that's for
[Lynn:] where's that, you said there was a book that come this morning that'll be alright for them
[Dave:] oh
[Geoff:] it's called the cheapest guide to it's called firm time holiday
[speaker001:] Butlins
[Lynn:] no
[Rich:] cheap, cheap Leicestershire holiday, huh
[Lynn:] Club Cantabrica, city centre, Spain, France
[Martin:] three weeks in up, up old John
[Lynn:] is it camping?
[Rich:] no it's camping, caravanning and mobile
[Lynn:] do you remember we went there
[Dave:] it rained
[Lynn:] well they said Blanes
[Rich:] if you go well you've gotta choice you can either have
[Martin:] that's where we went and we saw those lads who'd be about our age, so funny, right one night
[Rich:] gotta choice
[Martin:] those lads next door
[Dave:] if you go by coach from Leicester seventeen nights, seventeen days
[Lynn:] I mean you'd be alright on the coach, er we went you were only
[Martin:] eight
[Lynn:] eight, but you'll be alright on the coach
[Martin:] we went right and these lads were about our age and the next get drunk every night, you know, talk normal sort of thing, and erm
[Lynn:] they got in, came in our tent last year
[Martin:] they came in our tent cos they all look the same
[Lynn:] I lay there and I heard this zip go z-z-zip up, god someone's coming in tent, tried to get in bed with us.
[Geoff:] Er, oh get lost
[Lynn:] and I said [shouting] who's that? [] and he went oh god, shit we're in the wrong tent and they went out and you can hear 'em I mean being a tent they're laughing their head off for about half an hour
[Geoff:] the others
[Lynn:] he goes we really put the wind up that woman didn't we, ooh, ooh, ooh and they
[Geoff:] ee should have got a knife and went out the tent
[Lynn:] it was, it was funny that and it rained terrible didn't it?
[Rich:] like when we went to, when we went to Newcastle
[Martin:] oh, [LAUGHTER]
[Rich:] old said I don't want any of the lads going in with the girls
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[Rich:] so next morning Mr
[Martin:] so he collapsed
[Rich:] goes into Tina's tent
[Martin:] and Matt's in the middle, yeah
[Rich:] he goes morning girls, Matt goes morning
[Martin:] [LAUGHTER]
[speaker001:] Tell you what once we went collapsed didn't it?, oh that was a killer weren't it?
[Rich:] I can't believe there's a pi, you know on that little display eating there's all pictures of erm
[Martin:] us running away from the tents when there about to collapse [LAUGHTER]
[Rich:] Mr collapsed the tent right, and I'm just standing right behind it
[Martin:] pulling them fly sheets was good cos Maureen was yanking 'em right off really hard, how many pegs got broke? loads weren't there?
[Rich:] oh bags full
[Geoff:] which one's was any way
[Martin:] oh yeah she went down, she'd a fell straight across her throat you know, and she got up coughing
[Geoff:] is she the one or what?
[Martin:] no
[Geoff:] no
[Martin:] Ruth much more arsier than er
[Geoff:] dying to get the money, is she, did she used to work in the paper shop?
[Martin:] still does
[Geoff:] oh, well I went in there reading the magazine before I bought it, so what, I'm only looking at them, she goes
[Lynn:] you got that wretched tape on again?, you got it on?
[Martin:] yes
[Geoff:] say something mum
[Martin:] Ten C C
[Lynn:] yes, so I mean the coach would be alright
[Martin:] it's a killer journey though
[Lynn:] yeah, but you'll be alright
[Rich:] yeah, there ain't much difference if you er take the train is there?
[Lynn:] it's a lot cheaper, what do ya mean no room?
[Geoff:] no room to walk around on a train
[Rich:] you've got a think of
[Lynn:] they keep they keep stopping
[Rich:] you've gotta think of the cost
[Lynn:] cost exactly, and it's so much cheaper than
[Rich:] by the time you've put the food on it, your booze or whatever else you want have your
[Martin:] he says to me, he said tell your mum we're gonna have three weeks in France, we're gonna be drinking, going out and huh, picking up prostitutes, see what she says to that and if she says okay to that, we'll go anywhere
[Lynn:] who said that?
[Geoff:] Richard
[Lynn:] here we are, when do you want to go?
[speaker001:] anytime
[Lynn:] I thought you, oh
[Rich:] anytime between June and July the ninth then
[Geoff:] December the twenty fifth go then, then don't have to buy you presents
[speaker001:] we can go
[Lynn:] these not, there not time though are they now?...
[Martin:] no, but you wanna go early July if anything wouldn't ya?
[Geoff:] are these your important exams or what?
[speaker001:] yeah cos once you go out of July then you've got to pay a rate
[Lynn:] well here you are
[Martin:] we'll go on holiday
[Lynn:] [reading] if you go to Blanes hundred and seventy four pound for seventeen days [], oh wait a minute, oh crikey it's based on three people sharing, [reading] for two see page forty eight []
[speaker001:] yeah but if you go then you'll put By what
[Rich:] tenth of July
[Lynn:] You sure you want to go?
[Martin:] bloody hope so, finish in middle of June... German is the last one and he says they end erm middle of June
[Lynn:] [reading] two people book a small mobile home on any high season depart from Saturday the tenth of July [] oh that's after you, oh wait a minute, [reading] until twenty third of August and only pay the low season charge, save, save over thirty pound per [] it's a lot cheaper int it?
[Dave:] It is a lot cheaper especially in the
[Lynn:] oh was alright
[Geoff:] I know, but there's so much
[Dave:] well that one the South of France has
[Martin:] wrong it's further
[Lynn:] isn't further than oh of course it is, it's oh some of, France is alright, where's that then?
[Martin:] Saint Tropez
[Lynn:] go down further
[Martin:] I prefer fra France to Spain
[Lynn:] yeah
[Rich:] speak the linger
[Martin:] precisely...
[Lynn:] it's much dearer than Spain, France...
[Dave:] what's that dear?
[Lynn:] dearer than Spain
[Geoff:] oh no...
[Lynn:] looking at hotel
[Geoff:] you don't by any chance want to borrow that four pound you just lent me do ya?, wow...
[Lynn:] what did you want to do go in a central caravan or what?
[Martin:] dunno
[Rich:] whatever's the cheapest there
[Lynn:] whatever's the cheapest, tents are cheapest
[Martin:] tents are cheapest, but are they totally rainproof
[Geoff:] huh
[Dave:] you don't get much rain down there any way
[Geoff:] yeah I know
[Rich:] won't rain
[Lynn:] we didn't, we didn't get very wet when we were
[speaker001:] ...
[Dave:] not when you've got
[speaker001:] ...
[Lynn:] the only thing in a tent is... that, you've got somewhere to lock your money up, in it?, your passport and that, although when we went we just left our passports and money in the tent, but I wouldn't do that now
[Martin:] ten years ago we went
[Lynn:] I know I wouldn't do it now
[Martin:] it is, it's exactly ten years... although I reckon like, well, the thing is, these like late bookers like Richard was saying the other day, the flight ones, you dunno where your going
[Lynn:] no, not necessarily, you do know er
[Dave:] it gives you the flight price in there, if you have
[Lynn:] you do
[Dave:] if you go for one week it's sixty eight pounds
[Lynn:] when you do the late bookings, you know where you're going don't ya?
[Dave:] yeah, yeah
[Martin:] but till you
[Lynn:] it's just that my mum and dad have been on ones where they don't know where they're going, Greece
[Dave:] cos they book it all at the same time
[Lynn:] Greece they do this island hopping thing, and you don't know where you could be, it could be any of the Greek islands, but mostly, mostly you know where you're going [telephone ringing] oh God
[Martin:] I'll get it, if it's Joan you're not coming for
[Lynn:] no, if it's Joan I'm, I'm not in
[Martin:] hello, hi Matt, alright... I did an absolute steamer, excellent, did it really well, it only took me an hour and ten minutes... it took me an hour and ten minutes... I haven't... no I knew, I knew vaguely, knew vaguely enough... I mean I have, perfect question came up... just describe er the youths portrayed in the er book and there was only two, there was the main character who I got most of the stuff from, from what Katie told me and the rest was the other bloke was called Carston Corsalius and basically all we knew about him was he fancied this other one, the main character, and erm was a journalist, that was it... ah put it in nine times, no, I, I don't know what it means... eh, er Matt didn't come in, er a bit of a shame... [LAUGHTER] couldn't no... yeah, [] what did you really want? or was that it?... yeah... yeah, fixed, flexible and managed... yes... fixed, flex, fixed, flexible and managed... oh right... yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't they and er advantages and disadvantages of indirect tax was, untax and direct was the other one, you know it indirect taxes... yes... yeah... I can't remember, I really can't remember, like a colour... yeah, you wanna know both of those, I'd, I, I couldn't remember all of demand pull, I put down the wage, price, wage spiral or the waged price spiral, that's a stinker that is, that's a beauty, I put that down, its' a beaut, that's my best diagram and I did three diagram'in four essays [LAUGHTER] I hate doing diagram'... yeah he's here now, we're about to go for a quick drink like, he says he's been revising all day so erm, and I shall, I shall brief him, just as you would expect, I shall tell him all he needs... I don't, [tut] I don't want to leave him in the lurch... okay see you in French... yeah, bye, bye, bye []
[Lynn:] can't see any thing that says do, two of the same sex people can't go
[Martin:] well I'll have a sex change
[Lynn:] no can't, just can't
[Martin:] well we know that cos those three lads went
[Dave:] er various they say
[Lynn:] I can't see
[Martin:] well are you ready Richard?
[Rich:] yeah...
[Martin:] I'll bring it back with my or what, sometime soonish [LAUGHTER] alright? []
[Lynn:] that's good that is
[Martin:] yeah, it isn't bad is it that one?
[Lynn:] where you going?
[Martin:] I don't know
[Lynn:] what time you coming home?
[Martin:] oh coat, I don't know, I've got my key so don't worry about that
[Lynn:] have I got to put the lamps on or not?
[Martin:] erm, mm, yeah, do it latish
[Lynn:] how late you gonna be?
[Martin:] I dunno
[Lynn:] well I need to know
[Martin:] need to know, need to know, I don't know mum, I couldn't tell you... just erm... stick it on before you go to bed... just give it a bit of time to take the chill of it, alright, bye... You can if you wish discard everything that's just been said... I mean my mother's trying to book my holiday which doesn't surprise me, [belch], but then again she usually tries to anyway, where you going?, what you doing?, who you going with?... right, I shall tell you now the exam questions... shall I?, what do you want to know?
[Rich:] yes, all sorts of 'em
[Martin:] exchange rate, like the systems, do you know the fixed, flexible and managed, the disadvantage and advantages?, Rich
[Rich:] no
[Martin:] well that's a question
[Rich:] I understand money supplies
[Martin:] yes, that's the money supply and measures, the measures of money supply... I'm sure you'll be okay... you should beat what I got anyway, cos I saw it sort of cold... I could see you were put into shits of boredom, they go totally over the top most of the time my parents
[Rich:] I can't pass judgment at the moment cos I dunno what it's like
[Martin:] no I know
[Rich:] might do me good... I mean I don't care I just wanna go away
[Martin:] so do I, my I've got me darts in me back pocket any way
[Rich:] have ya?
[Martin:] fucking steamer darts they really are... have you a professional set of these?
[Rich:] er, no
[Martin:] no, they're quite good aren't they?... so what you been, what have you revised then?
[Rich:] erm
[Martin:] have you done inflation
[Rich:] er, er period of er
[Martin:] er that's a fucker, there's nothing on that
[Rich:] shit, could've sworn there must be
[Martin:] well there's not
[Rich:] what's the thing, anything on competition or
[Martin:] no, no nothing... inflation, have you done inflation?
[Rich:] erm... monetarism
[Martin:] oh yes, yes, yes... all you really need to know what the question is in inflation is how the... why it's regarded as the biggest economic... problem... and secondly
[Rich:] what is? inflation
[Martin:] inflation is the biggest economic problem and what problem it causes... and it says discuss the fact that erm with inflation now being around four to five per cent it is now a, it is now being cured, discuss that sort of thing, you say yes it has, but at the moment we're still suffering the effects because we are in, we've got high interest rates, we, and in order for us to have really beaten it, we could have low interest rates and low employment and low inflation, but we're still in the middle of it
[Rich:] what, we mainly find the recession and we do not have
[Martin:] yes, now don't say don't, yeah that's right just don't forget that we are, actually still going up and it means that we're, erm, but we're out of it, but we're coming out slowly, we're technically out, if you put technically you'll get a pass here you are Scott... my mother just killed his ear, ear lobes about going on holiday, mother works
[Scott:] come on then we've been waiting for you to come, come on
[speaker001:] ... ...
[Martin:] oh lovely... I should... one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, no you're wrong...
[Scott:] why?
[Martin:] Des bolt
[Rich:] not bad, not bad, not bad
[Scott:] about fifteen it is let's have a look then
[Rich:] we're go somewhere with a darts board why not? very decent ones
[Martin:] these are really tacky, ah
[speaker001:] These are tungstens
[Martin:] ah tungstens, bye, bye, drill
[Rich:] you can trust me with 'em, not them, I'll have them, they won't
[Martin:] we'll have these naff efforts
[speaker001:] come and get 'em then
[Rich:] oh I can't I've got me trainers on
[speaker001:] take 'em off then
[Rich:] no you bring 'em down here please
[Scott:] whose, whose car do you want us to take?
[Martin:] ow that'll great...
[Rich:] what else is there, the best of?
[Martin:] ooh, ooh no
[Rich:] oh
[speaker001:] oh we was in a competition
[Martin:] I was fucking shocked, I can't remember what they are
[Rich:] I'm going, I'll have to
[Martin:] oh bye, oh erm what else was there that was on there?, there's a couple you'd like actually I know the lesson showing their form
[Rich:] there's people like that
[Martin:] oh well they're in Corfu you see, that's the, that's the the, but, I reckon... can I remember what...
[speaker001:] Sarah the darts player
[Martin:] Have they got the ice cold, nice cold on her, as he was saying?
[Scott:] Well mine's got Who Dares Wins on 'em
[Martin:] Didn't you get those
[Scott:] those ones dad bought
[Martin:] that, that bloke with the stupid name and I E D too goody master father
[Sarah:] No I paid nearly twenty quid for them
[Martin:] did you
[Scott:] why?
[Martin:] used to play darts?
[Sarah:] yeah
[Martin:] really
[Scott:] you used to play darts?
[Sarah:] used to play at youth club and
[Scott:] so why come when we went to town that time you could hardly hit the board
[Sarah:] well having said that
[Martin:] you
[Sarah:] I think Rachael gave me something towards them, but
[Martin:] bloody hell Rac I tell you what I saw Rachael today and she was looking right fat and all, it, it's just and it's just what you'd expect
[Scott:] I can't believe you've got darts
[Martin:] we had, we had one of them Bristol dart boards, but fucking twat at home threw
[Scott:] flight
[Martin:] it out
[Scott:] I like the flight Who Dares Wins
[Sarah:] are they?
[Martin:] these are black and silver you see
[Sarah:] are you going up the road to town then?
[Rich:] Er I don't know
[Sarah:] well you can't go drive in my car
[Scott:] why?
[Sarah:] why?, cos there's not enough petrol
[Scott:] okay, we'll go up to the Rose and
[Sarah:] well it's not worth going down the road to come back up to that pub
[Martin:] raisin very good raison
[Scott:] yes ma ma...
[Sarah:] he just slap me round the face
[Martin:] I can see the hand print
[Rich:] He's a very dangerous young man
[Martin:] oh you're so horrible you know, you know you love him really, my... oh you're so horrible you, you really are... the tickle maestro strikes again with his...
[Rich:] I don't believe this she's got a dog
[Martin:] it's good in it?
[Rich:] fucking the jockey Sarah
[Martin:] cocky jockey hawks hockey
[Rich:] so where we going then?
[Martin:] comfy
[Rich:] not like Sarah is it?
[Martin:] well you usually do, so I'm wondering if you're going for the, you know, your, the usual performance... were, were you impressed by Rich, were you impressed with Sarah's, sorry with Lorraine's immaculate humour?, but I'm sure you're more impressed with her immaculate assets
[Rich:] immaculately, immaculately sized
[Martin:] her perfectly proportioned upper parts... she says oh no, I says what, she says broken nail... [LAUGHTER]
[Rich:] you know what I've just got, erm, if I go this way, cos I bet you Sarah's up at erm fucking window looking for the car going by
[Martin:] how will she know it?, will she see it?
[Rich:] she, she knows this car when it goes by
[Martin:] your joking me
[Rich:] okay
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] I'll have a cigarette for later if you don't, if your handing them out at this point...
[Rich:] yeah, just like erm, say a Friday or Saturday night when I take the car to go home, Sarah's worked it out that by the time she walks upstairs and into her bedroom, she normally sees me going down Upping Road, but she doesn't see me, next days it's oh where did you go? or what happened?, I didn't see you, er all I'm doing is like stopping at the end of the drive to light a fag up or something, she's...
[Martin:] so where we going then?
[Scott:] That's so ridiculous
[Martin:] South Croxton's got one ain't it?
[Scott:] yeah about a
[Martin:] oh yeah, yeah
[Rich:] Crowston more like it
[Martin:] sorry Crowston... may I have a cigarette to put, place behind my left earhole then?, thank you... no
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] consider the behaviour is on it
[Rich:] that's sort of the same thing innit?
[Martin:] that's more to do with utilities
[Rich:] yeah.... I feel a lot better though about my exams since I've started revising
[Martin:] do ya?, I feel better after I've done the exam
[Rich:] yeah, I've done, all I've got left now is a couple of French... You know when I used to have a tutor Fred
[Martin:] yeah
[Rich:] he gave me this erm sheet in four years for the essay questions
[Martin:] yeah
[Rich:] and on section A every year they've had one on competition, so I thought I'd prepare for that, every year had one on erm money supply and every year had one on
[Martin:] I suppose there is one although I suppose there is one, but it's linked with privatization the competition one
[Rich:] yeah
[Martin:] cos it says... erm... says that, privatizing, the Government's nat policy of privatization, now what does it says, shit I can't remember what, it's something to do with resource allocation and efficiency
[Rich:] yeah, I did that today... what that is is you know erm, certain, certain industries with erm, with a high or is it a low, a low income of elasticity of demand
[Martin:] yeah
[Rich:] they erm, when the know income's gonna increase they change its resource to allocation
[Martin:] I tell ya I got an offer today from London City Poly?
[Rich:] you actually got an offer?
[Martin:] yeah C D D
[Rich:] oh that's alright in it?
[Martin:] not bad
[Rich:] get a C in Economics
[Martin:] C Economics, C French, D German I'll do me
[Rich:] what's your worst German?
[Martin:] yeah definitely, although that essay I did today I think is really good, it's probably the best one I've ever written... the grammar's good, I don't know whether, I don't think the content's particularly thrilling, but the grammar's good
[Rich:] yeah
[Martin:] which is the reason, which is the thing I, usually nails me... nice car...
[Rich:] you're always having a fag when I pull into a petrol station
[Martin:] oh, well
[Rich:] especially when the blimming tank is there
[Martin:] the what?
[Rich:] especially when there's a petrol tanker there, that's really fucking helpful...
[Martin:] I'm nearly everybody else I know who's applied to London City's had rejections, so I can't, can't be doing something badly
[Rich:] yeah
[Martin:] especially if I were to actually get, if I get that I'd consider going if I could get a place in the halls, the residence
[Rich:] is that polytech then?
[Martin:] yeah, you get a subsidized grant for going to London, yeah, so you get like more than normal
[Rich:] you should get a big grant shouldn't you, cos erm
[Martin:] I dunno, my step, my dad's earning quite a lot though
[Rich:] he was at a party your dad?
[Martin:] yes yeah, but I should still get
[Rich:] you don't see any of those look, it's not relative on this
[Martin:] well I don't know how they work it, but I shouldn't get a bad one, it should be okay, I mean my dad's gonna give me money anyway, so, I mean if I, London City so Phil was saying one of the best in the country he says that, so hopefully if they, they give me an offer, the others should as well
[Rich:] is that your first like reply?
[Martin:] yeah
[Rich:] you've had nothing else
[Martin:] no
[Rich:] how many did you apply to?
[Martin:] four
[Rich:] four universities
[Martin:] no poly
[Rich:] all poly?
[Martin:] yeah...
[Rich:] why's that, you need the lower grades
[Martin:] yeah, basically, I mean you could go to poly with what you could get, yeah... better had...
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] if I were to get C C D or C C E or C D D I'd be fucking over the moon, fourteen points I'd be well happy with
[Rich:] yeah
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] is that four, four, six, yeah...
[Martin:] yes, that's right, yes... or six, six, two, I don't really care, as long as I get fourteen it doesn't really bother me
[Rich:] six, six, two
[Martin:] yeah
[Rich:] B B D
[Martin:] that, no C C D
[Rich:] no you haven't got it [music]
[Martin:] Will she know you're coming, see you coming back?
[Rich:] No, she won't be looking...
[Martin:] what, what she gonna do work?
[Rich:] She's done, she was gonna be working with, but she's done most of it now... it's better than some
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] that is out at the minute
[Rich:] yeah, with his girlfriend
[Martin:] who's he going out with?
[Rich:] that girl he got off with
[Martin:] is he?...
[Rich:] the one who I had a good old snog with
[Martin:] I had a Christmas kiss off er an all
[Rich:] what a snog?
[Martin:] I... she was throwing it around Christmas Eve though weren't she?
[Rich:] old slapper
[speaker001:] How did you get on in the multi choice the other day?
[Martin:] I answered every thing and I seem, I think I got quite a few right, I mean I do, I, if I got fifty percent on that I'd be very pleased.
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] I definitely, I don't really think I got more than I did in the end of year, last year one, I think I got forty percent in that
[Rich:] yeah
[Martin:] and I think I beat that
[Rich:] yeah, that's alright then
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] shit... bollocks, bollocks
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] bollocks [music]
[Martin:] Is that what's it's house there?
[Rich:] yeah... there in America at the moment
[Martin:] are they?
[Rich:] America
[Martin:] what with Catherine? sorry, with Melissa?
[Rich:] no she's in Egypt
[Martin:] she's come back apparently Matt was saying
[Rich:] yeah
[Martin:] she rang him
[Rich:] slag
[Martin:] why?
[Rich:] what's the point of ringing him?
[Martin:] dunno, he's seeing her though
[Rich:] he's what?
[Martin:] he's, I think he's seeing her though
[Rich:] is he?
[Martin:] I think so, tomorrow night
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] I think something's coming out the back of that
[Martin:] I dunno
[Rich:] fucking twat... what a fucking dickhead, I mean can't they see what's right ahead?
[Martin:] no...
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] pissed off with him... oh here we go another twat...
[Martin:] he's going is he?
[Rich:] a car behind me, the car behind that just pulled out on to the wrong side of the road, sat there looking and decided not to and pulled back pull in the lay-by and let them go by that's what they're supposed to do
[speaker001:] ...
[Rich:] shit... oh no, oh yeah fucking start now, why don't you, you cunt...
[Martin:] cunt... quick get in, thank you...
[Rich:] [singing] yes baby, yes baby []
[speaker001:] Maddock came, Maddock weren't here for this morning's fucking Economics lesson, exam.
[Rich:] Not at all?
[Martin:] No, came this afternoon though
[Rich:] what did he say?
[Martin:] said he was ill, he looked ill though
[Rich:] did he?
[Martin:] yeah he looked a bit bad... but if you're off for one you might as well be off for two ain't ya?
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] s' pose you're right...
[Rich:] what was up with him anyway?
[Martin:] eh?
[Rich:] what was up with him?
[Martin:] I dunno he just said he felt terrible.
[Rich:] He always looks like shit doesn't he?
[Martin:] He does, cos he never shaves... yeah... he's alright, he's harmless...
[speaker001:] ...
[Martin:] why after seeing those papers?, I hardly got a look at it although having said that I'll know that if I do well its mine, its in my own, own work, which I think is probably better because when it comes to it you don't get any help on the day do ya?...
[Rich:] cheat and that, I mean can't
[Martin:] exactly like Maddock
[Rich:] well he's dead brainy any way in't he?
[Martin:] no, he was last year cos he'd done the year before but this year he's finding it much harder.