MRs CAUDLE's CURTAIN LECTURES.
{"newspaper_name": "Mobile register and journal.", "edition": "01", "page": "p2", "byline": ""}
{"character_count": 6741, "word_count": 1303, "ccnet_language_score": [0.9613999724388123], "ccnet_perplexity": [1357.4000244140625], "fasttext_language": ["en"]}
MRS CAUDLE'S CURTAIN LECTURES. !

 From the London Punch-by the Caledonia Caudte ia s Couyss ofthe day has Vsntmed 10 0Hes-

 tion the Economy of |" Washing al Home" "rooHl A pretty hmper you to bed in, MT. Candle, l can seei Oh; don't deny it-I think ought 10 know by this time But it's always the wayi whenever get up few things, the house can hardly hold you! Nobody cries out more about clean linen than you do-and nobody leads poor woman SO miserable life when she tres to make her hus band comfortable. Yes. Mir. Caude comfortable! You ueedn't keep chewing the word, if you could n't swallow it. Vas there such women No, CaudIe; hope not: I should hope no other wife ever pni upon as am! It's all very well for you 1 can't have little wash at home like anybody else, but you must go about the house swearing to your self and booking at your wife as II she was your bit terest enemy. But euppose you'd rather we dldn't wash il all Yes; then you'd be happy! Tohe sme you ,woud-vou'd like to have all the children in their dirt, like potatoes; any hng, so that didn't disturb you. I wish you'd had wile who'd never wasIed--she'd have suited you, she would. Yes; fine lady who'd have let your children 20 that you nighl have scraped 'em. She'd have been much bet ter cared for than am, only wish could let all nf YOU go without clean linen al al--les, all of sou wish conldl And irI wasn't slave 10 my fami- y, unlike any anyhoay else, should.

 "No, Caudle; the house isn'i tossed about 'n water az fit was Noah's Ark! And you ought to be asIam- ed of yourselfo talk of Noahs Ark in that loose man ner Pm sure dnn't know what Pse done to be mar ried to of such principles. No: and Inc whole house doesni of soapsuds either; and II dld, any other man but yourself would be above nam'ng It. l suppose don'l like washin day any more than yourself What do you say? Yrs; dol lla! you're wrong there, MT Caude. No; don't like il, be- cause it makes everybody else uncomfortable No; and 1 ought have been born mermaid, that might always have been in water A mermaid, in dredl WhaI next will you call me!-Bnt no man, Mir. Caude, says such things to his wife as you. by. haf Il asI uuU f's one comfort. What do you say? }our' glad of nY You're a brute, Mir. Caudle! No, you dhnt mean washing: know what you meant. pretty speech to a women who's been ihe wife to you l have! You'll repen, it when n's too late: yes, | wouldnt have your feelings when I'm gone, ta de; no, not for ihe Bank of England

 "And when we only wash once fortnght!-iia! only wish you had some wives: they'd wash once il week! Besides, If once fornighI's too much Tor you, why don't you give me money that we may have things to go month! Is il my iau, II we'er shortf What dn you say!-My once a fortnight lasts fhree days2 No, il doesn't; never: well, very sed"m. and that's lhe same thing. Can help it, if the black will fly, and lhe things must be rnsrd again ; Noi Pm not made happy by the blacks, and they don prolong my enjoyment; and, more than thai you're an unfeeiing man to say so. You're enough to make women wish herself in her grave-you aM, Caude.

 "And pretty example you sel 10 you sons! Be- cause we'd Il little wash to-day, and there wasan' a hot dnner-ard who thinks of getting anything hot for washerwomenl-h -hecause you hadn't every thing as you always have it. you must swear al the cold muion-anl you don't know what that mutton cost a pound, l dare say you must swear al sweet, wholesome joint like q lord.--What! You ddni stoear? Yes; it's very well for you say so; but know when you're swearing; and you swear when You little think it; and say you must go on swearing as you did, and seize your Ina, Ike savage, and rush out of the house, and go and take your dinner al Il tavern! A pretty wife people musi think you have, when they find you dining at publls hose. nice! h me they must think you have, Mir Cauu, lt!-Wlai | You'Hdo eUery time I wash? Very well, Mir. Cau de--very well. We'll soon see who's tired of that | first; for I'ii wash stocking day, il that's a sooner than you should have everything as yon like il. Ha! hai's like you: you'd lrample everybody under your f,oi, If you coud-you know you would | Caude, don't deny il.

 l "Now, if you begn shout in that manner, ll leave the bed. Is very hard that can't say sln- gle word to you, but you must almost raise the place You didn't shout? don'l know what you call shout ing, then! Pm lhe people must hear you m 'ht | next house Nu--it won't do 10 call me soil names now, Caudle: Pm not the fool that l was when was first married-I know better now. You're it treat me in Ihe manner you have, all day; and ther al night, he only tune and place when Can get | word in, you wnnt to go 10 sleep. How can you bt so mean, Caude!

 "Whal! Why can't Iput the Washing om?-Now you have asked me tha, thousand times. but it's nc use, Caudle so don't ask it agaln won't puI | Out Wndl uO you s'y 4W"' '"y""" S"ys " quite as chsap? Pray, what's Mrs Preliyman to inc l should think, Mir Caujle, that know very wei how to take of my family, without Mrs. Pretty mans advice. Mrs. Preu,nan, indeed :! only wsl she'd come here, that might tell her sol Mrs. Pret tyman But, perhaps she'd better come and take car of your house for you! Oh, yes! I'se no doubt she

 do il much better than do- much No, Caudlei

 ,ooni hold my tonguei think ought to be mistres ot my own washing, by this time-and, after tn wife Eve beea 10 you, i's cruel of you 10 go on a you do.

 .s Don't tell me about putting the washing out.

 say il isn't so chcap- don't care whether you was by the dozen or not il isn't cheap; Eve reduced everything, and save at least shilling week. What do you say? 4 rumpry shilling? Ha! on

 hope to goodness you'll not come to want talking 0 shllngs in the way you do. Now don't begln abou your comiort don'i go on aggravating me, and ask

 ing me if your comfort is not worlha shilling week That's nothing at all to do with i--nolhing: bl that's your way-when ak of one thing. you tall

 of another; that's like you men, and yon know il Allow me tell you, Mir. Caude, that shilling

 week is two pound twelve year, and take tw pound twelve year for, let us say, thirty years, an well, you needn't groan, Mir. Caudle-l don't sup pose it will be long; oh. no! you'll have somebod else look after your washing long before that -hn

 if il wasn't for my dear children's sake, shoudn' care how soon. You know my mnd-and so, goo night, Mir. Caude."

 'Thankiu for her silence" writes Caudle, "I wa fast droppng 10 sleep; when nudgng my elbow m wife observed-' Mind, there's the cold nut on to morrow-nothing hot till that's gone. Remt mber too, as it short wash to-day, we wash again Wednesday,"