{"newspaper_name": "The Washingtonian.", "edition": "01", "page": "p3", "byline": "Variety is the spice Of life."}
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Snort AccOnlnnOddtlOnS-Old Major Some
body, of Arkansas, relates, that while on jour.
ney some time since, he came to small house
one evening, and being weary and in need of
refreshments, he inquired Of boy whom he
found at the door, if he could procure supper.
L reckon not replied the boy, for we haint
got no meat, nor we haint no bread, nor we
haint no taers.' uH
well, you can give me bed can't you


i reckon not, for we haint no bedclothes,
nor we haint no straw, nor we haint no floor
in our house,


'Well, can you give my horse something to
eat?'


Il reckon not, for we haint no hay, nor we
haint no corn, nor we hant no oats neither (


why, in the name of human nature, how
do you do here?


oh, very well, thank ye, how dye do
yourself!'


The Major was off.


That conduct often seems ridiculous, the Sc
cret reasons of which are wise and solid.
Here's a Chance.-The following advertise
ment, under the head Of "Wife wanted" is
in the Batesville News:


"Any gal what's got bed, calico dress,
coffee pot, and skillet, knows how to make
hunting shirt, and knows how to nuss chill
d.en, can have my service till death parts both
on U.S."


Politeness reciprocated-A criminal was in
the county Jail awaiting his trial for murder,
with reasonable prospect of conviction. The
candidate for sherifalty called one day to see
him, when the prisoner, wishing to compli-
ment his visiter, said to him, elf should be
condemned to be hanged, know of no one by
whom would rather be hung than by you"
The vlsiter, acknowledging the bow, with one
of his blandest smiles, replied, "And should
be elected sheriff, know of no one would
rather hang than you." l.


Give out report that you have met with
reverses of fortune, and it is astonishing how
your fair-weather friends" will mind their
own business.


Rum AND DEsPERATIoN-The Greenfield
Gazette says that an Englishman, named Hen
ry Bowers, employed in the Chisel factory at
Greenfield, who had become perfectly frantic
from the effects of rum, went into the meadow
of Mr.. James Newton, at Greenfield, on the
23d ultimo, and without provocation COM
menced an attack upon the men there at work.
Sheriff Carpenter having arrived, knocked him
down, bound him, and succeeded in commit
ting him to jail


Three females in Glasgow had recently
been drinking to great excess, until they had
expended all the funds they could raise by or
dinary means, and finally, in order to "raise
the wind" cut the hair off their heads, sold il
to wig maker, and with the proceeds con.
tinued to indulge their degrading propensity
What slaves rum makes of men-and women
too!


Thu bocf 70 hor e., ,a Il
the doctor by being temperate; the lawyer,
by keeping out of debt; the demagogue, by
voting Tor honest men; and poverty, by being
but pay the printer if you wish to
be happy.


INTELLIGENT JURIEs.-A jury in the west of
England, commissioning the case of poor
woman who was charged with triAing theft,
agreed to the following sapient verdict: "Not
guilty, but we hope that she won't do SO again."
This is about equal to case related in the New
Orleans Picayune A villainous fellow in one
Of the western counties Of Virginia, who had
whipped his wife, was ducked by party of
whereupon he sued for damages.
The jury, after retiring ten minutes, returned
a document to the court in the form following,
to wit !" Verdict of the jury-served him right
john Simpson, foreman"


In order to love mankind, expect but little
from them; in order to view their faults with
out bitterness we must accustom ourselves to
pardon, and perceive that indulgence is JUS
tice which frail humanity has right to de-
mand from wisdom.


There is topper in Albany, who carries
thermometer in his pocket to ascertain how
hot he is.


Murder.-A man named Fowler was cruelty
on Tuesday morning last iE the town
of Niles, Cayuga county, N. Y, by his father.
The old man was intoxicated. @