COMEDY OF ERRORS.
{"newspaper_name": "The Columbian fountain.", "edition": "01", "page": "p2", "byline": ""}
{"character_count": 3042, "word_count": 543, "ccnet_language_score": [0.9764000177383423], "ccnet_perplexity": [1774.0999755859375], "fasttext_language": ["en"]}
A London police reporter represents Hiber-
nian, with poll as red as the Red Lion at
Brentford, and rendered still more red by a CO.
pious discharge Of blosd which oozed through
a dirty rag tied over recent wound on his
scalp, applying at the Bow sHeet Office for a
warrant, when the following amusing dialogue
takes place:


Magistrate, Well, Pat, (for his counte-
nance operated as a sort OF finger post, point
ing TO the road from which he came what do
you want2'


"Pd be wanting warrant, plase your hon
or"


against whom"


"Agin Barney O'Leary, plase your rever-
ence."


"For what2''


"For murther, yer grace"


"Whom did he murder 2"


"Neaver creature but myself, yer honor"


"And has he murdered you ?''


"Faith and he has, bad luck TO him. He
cut hole in my head big enough TO bury his
cat"


'He hasn't killed you outright, see.''


"It's not his fault that he hasn't yer honor,
for he intended nolhiug surer.'


81 suppose an assault warrant will suit your
purpose"


Eyer honor knows what's best, and I'll take
what can git"


"When did he assault you?


"Last night that ever was, yer reverence"
"Did he hit you with stck?"


.'Pm sure he didn't, yer honor. but with a
poker"


"A poker! that's a dangerous weapon"


"Neaver doubt Of it,"


"Where were youW


"Where was I?--why, in bed to be
sure" .#..


"Asleep or awake %


"As sound as a roach, yer honor"


And what provocation had you given
him 2"


"Neaver proyocation at all. yer honor
how could when was sound asleep?"


"What! DO you mean to say he came to
your bedside, and struck you in this dreadful
manner without the slightest provocaiion 2"


"lps truth what you say, yer honor. barring
he came TO his own bedside instead Of mine,"


ellis own bedside! Were you in his bed 2"
Faith, you just guessed j yer honor"


"And what brought you there?"


"Thal's more than can tell your honor,
barring the liquor that was in me-"
AAAu vas siA'o oai you uiu " PaovohC
anger" n..'..:.
"Neaver thing else"


"Was there any other person present ?''
''Nota creature indipindent Of his wife,"
ellis wife 7"


"Of course" H# t#t"


''Of course! And don't you think you de-
served what you got?"


sis it me ~ U.:
eyes, YOU"
"Sure it was all mistake yer honor. |
thought twas my own wife, and neaver hair
of her head / touched"


''That may be--but you must be more care
full in future; and think, under these circum-
stances, you must be content with what you
have got, for cannot grant warrant"


'"Thank yer honor; but when he hits me
agn it won't be for nothing"


(Exit Pat, Struggling his shoulders and eyi-
IDENTIFY disappointed.)


1t turned out that the fellow went drunk to
the bed; and was unconscious where he was,
till Barney gave him gentle hint with the
iron persuader. and fortunately his skull was
thick enough TO resist the intended inisher.-
Barney's wife, who was awoke by the shock,
lent her assistance in whacking him out of the
room. She expressed her utter unconscious
ness Of his presence, till her lawful lord arrv-
ed and discovered the intruder.