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		 &lt;td width=&quot;90&quot; align=&quot;right&quot;&gt;DOSE:&lt;br&gt;&lt;/td&gt;
		 &lt;td width=&quot;90&quot; class=&quot;dosechart-amount&quot; align=&quot;center&quot;&gt;1 hit&lt;/td&gt;
		 &lt;td class=&quot;dosechart-method&quot; align=&quot;center&quot;&gt;oral&lt;/td&gt;
		 &lt;td class=&quot;dosechart-substance&quot;&gt;&lt;a href=&quot;/chemicals/lsd/&quot;&gt;LSD&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/td&gt;
		 &lt;td class=&quot;dosechart-form&quot;&gt;&lt;b&gt;(blotter / tab)&lt;/b&gt;&lt;/td&gt;
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One Fifty
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u/basically_nothing10h
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29y/o Male, 195 lbs, minimal psychedelic use. Cannabis for 2+ years, never really going anywhere with it. Just used it to make food taste better and music seem more deep.
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Decided it was time to see something outside of my “control” - I needed to learn how to surrender completely to things I don’t understand. And that is exactly what I did. This is my best account of my first trip, a 12+ hour trip, on 150 mcg of LSD.
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Obtained 4 x 150 mcg hits from L’s sister K. Placed the contents in between the pages of David Bohm’s “Wholeness and Implicate Order” which is a book written by the protege of Albert Einstein. Bohm essentially came up with the Holographic Principle and Quantum Mechanics. Each are fantastic way of describing the currently indescribable connection between this strange dream-like world and the implicate order. His work has been something I gobbled up quickly over the years. He was utterly fascinating in every way. A true seeker of knowledge, something I always strive to be but never had much gusto to do so. Suffice to say, the themes of the book played out heavily in my trip. Pretty sure I magically imprinted extra power on the LSD. But it could have been only because it was my first time!
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Spent a couple weeks waiting for the “right moment,” reading a lot of experiences&lt;!--  on erowid.org--&gt;, watching youtube videos, trying mindfulness meditation and regular meditation on a day to day basis. I prayed to whatever gods held me down in this temporal infinity and pleaded that they make my first trip a good one, and a safe one. I had little doubt in my mind, as I had fully accepted the possibility of a nightmarish trip and had fully placed my well-being into my girlfriend’s more-than-capable hands.
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6:10 pm: Ate 1 blotter hit with a nice big swig of water
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6:20 pm: Starting to feel tingles a little bit. Mostly in my toes and upper cranial area.
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6:25 pm: Slight distortions in perceived time, slight vision shift to a more “out of focus” setting. Starting to “step back” from myself.
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6:34 pm: Slight nausea starts to crop up, highly manageable with breathing and water
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6:36 pm: My exact quote “everything is opening up”
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6:39 pm: EVERYTHING is SO COLORFUL!
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6:45 pm: I decide to get up and move around. I had remembered reading somewhere to go with the flow of things, so I decided to listen entirely to my body and let go of my thoughts. Whatever my body wanted, it got.
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6:50 pm: Really starting to “warm up.”
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7:04 pm: It hits so hard, I cannot contain myself. I begin to weep. Sobbing uncontrollably, spit and dribble emanating from a place not of my own being, but of a scared and helpless something, lost in the vast infinite expanse of love. My girlfriend hugs me and says, “Are you happy?” and it took me a minute or two to respond, and all I could do was blubber: “yyyy… yyy… yes. It&#x27;s all so beautiful. It’s all so perfect. I’m so happy. THIS is the POINT!” What is the point? She asked. And the only thing I could respond with was “THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL OF IT!”
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7:05 pm: We color using these fine tipped markers with very surreal landscapes. Colors are so intense. Each color is, in and of itself, all colors. But it expresses the one it feels the most. Artwork around our house begins to take on a new light, a way in which I’ve always been able to see things, but never let myself entirely. This is how I’ve interpreted it. It definitely felt like an intoxication, like being drunk, but far more humbling. Like… I would never get into a fight with someone on LSD. I’d be too worried about the effect on our eternal spirits.
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The last record, 7:29pm: L wrote this out for me as I said it: “I feel like I belong. I’m exactly where I need to be. Purpose doesn’t matter. I’m having fun. We are each an individual center. Putting the way I feel into words almost ruins the experience.”
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At this point my trip was no longer “my” trip. I gave in entirely to the chemical. We started watching Finding Dori on Netflix. This might have been what really did me in, or perhaps it was the two bowls of cannabis I smoked earlier in the day. Who knows. But I was ONE with the movie. I was enraptured by every word. Every subtle gesture of facial muscle. Every slight twinge in their voice. All of the colors and movement on the screen. It was a bit overwhelming. But I was enraptured.
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I myself felt like Dori, a fish with memory loss, struggling to find a purpose or meaning in their life, whom is always told “Just keep swimming!” and “Don’t get caught in the undertow.” I remember identifying with the beluga whale who had powers of “echolocation” and remember thinking to myself “hey, I do that already using my thoughts.” This really freaked me out, as I didn’t know I had these capabilities.
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But then as soon as I had started to go down a dark road, that hilarious fucking turtle with a surfer dude voice shows up and I laugh maniacally… “THAT’S ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I yell. My SPIRIT ANIMAL! The turtle. Slow moving, great swimmer, chill as all get out, never lets a single thing get in his way.
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When I was on LSD, words do not arrive like they normally do. Entire packets of thought arrive, fully fleshed out, crystal clear and glaringly obvious. And they almost contain laughter attached at the end of it. A laugher that says, “How could you have forgotten your true nature? Hahahahaahahahahhaahahahaaaaa……..”
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&#x27;You are the ONE. You are the ALL. Without YOU, there would be no ALL. Without the ALL, there would be NO YOU!&#x27; I was simultaneously the reason the universe existed at all, in this form, and the reason I existed was so that the universe could see itself just the way it wanted to see itself. Wherever anyone ever “is,” they “is” because they need to be - everyone has a very specific and intentional place in the universe. And the qualities of one&#x27;s character are also chosen very specifically. This is how I interpreted it, anyways.
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I saw my girlfriend of 5.5 years as my Universal Goddess. She watched over my eternal soul in this everlasting dreamworld. She took amazing care of me and always made sure I was happy. For that, I was ready to give up everything I had just gleaned from the universe, just to remain in this place. Wait… what is this place?
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On the outside, I saw a reality which had acquired a plastic, almost “bubble” like quality to it. It felt as though everything was blown up like a balloon, was slightly wet with condensation on the outside from the expansion and could be popped with the slightest poke. But it was also so incredibly solid that you wouldn’t want to disturb anything. Why harm that water bottle of yours? What did it ever do to you, other than provide hydration? Water was like drinking the nectar of gods, and I could not bring myself to eat or try anything else. I tried eating a couple strawberries but was convinced that I didn’t deserve something so divine.
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All of my senses were overpowered, and they were starting to combine into one “sense.” My roommate had been upstairs cooking something and I said “Are those noodles?” and he was like “I haven’t even taken them out of the package yet.” And at that point I tried to stop smelling everything around me. So incredibly overwhelming.
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Focused breathing was my godsend here. This was something I have been training myself mentally for several months, physically for about 2 weeks. Deep, intentioned, breaths. In with fresh air, out with all of the bad vibes. Though there really weren’t any bad vibes.
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Upon closing my eyes, I was having mild to moderate visuals. These visuals ranged from the fanning out of birds-feathers to a steady breathing of geometric shapes. At points during the trip I felt as though my whole being, or my whole essence was itself a fractalization of intense light that continued to breathe in and out. I was more of a “process” rather than an individual “thing.” Always forever changing, but always remaining mostly the same. I am a very thought oriented person, so I was hung up on the millions of thoughts and concepts currently filtering through the conscious stream that I appeared to be connected into.
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The movie ended and I was still high as balls. At this point in time I remember thinking… or receiving direct communication from my infinite self?...
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You wanted IT.
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YOU GOT IT!
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At this point, it all hit me very, very, very hard. This must have been the peak of the trip because as I lay there, “I” was essentially gone. It is incredibly difficult to describe. I felt like I was at the center of eternity - I had lost my way and now could not find my way back to myself. This was the sole mission of the rest of my trip. How do I get back to myself? &lt;div class=&quot;pullquote-right1&quot;&gt;&lt;div class=&quot;pullquote-text&quot;&gt;I felt like I was at the center of eternity - I had lost my way and now could not find my way back to myself. This was the sole mission of the rest of my trip. How do I get back to myself?&lt;/div&gt;&lt;/div&gt;
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Oh and the laughter. It seems as though my spiritual self was trying to relax the me at the end of the tunnel. Universal truths would fly by and make me laugh hysterically. Like a maniac, really.
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I have experienced what people describe as enlightenment, satori, or kensho. It was the most simple and pure truth I could ever attain. But it wasn’t anything I had attained. It was something that was always there, hidden in plain sight, something my ego chose to ignore. And there it was. My life and the lives of those around me were just a simple game. The game of life and love. And we all needed our egos to live it out. A mask that god/the universe/the mind puts on, so that it can live a cause-and-effect life.
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You are god. You are the divine being of infinite love. You always have been. But you decide to trap yourself in one of your infinite fractal characters, or shards, because you love it. It’s the most fun you can have when you get bored of the universal truth.
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Remember to breathe.
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&lt;!-- The following is my account of how “everything” works. Take it for what you will.
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To exist in three-dimensional space, one has to have three vectors. A thought vector (a center), a space vector (a centered point of being), and a time vector (experience of cause and effect). All three of these work in tandem (harmony) to “echolocate” your position in the infinite abyss. This was an idea imprinted on me by Finding Dori. All that was required was to desire to be with your self. And it was a powerful desire. --&gt;Standing at the edge of infinity is quite a mind fuck - I felt all powerful, I felt like everything. I felt like Jesus Christ and the Devil, but some version of those two mashed together, because they balance each other out extremely well. These are just metaphors, as I’m not a religious person. But after this experience, I retroactively recategorized myself before the trip as an “Atheist.”
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Now I am FIRMLY a believer in something. That something is essentially me, and everyone else in the universe. That something is infinite, all-powerful, all knowing, all loving and infinitely compassionate. It loves itself more than anything in the universe. But its SELF is ALL that it is. But at the same time, that something is very, very sad, because what does one do with all of this power if it’s alone and has nobody to love or be loved by?
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I missed my family. I missed my girlfriend. I missed my dog and my cats. I began to realize that I take people for granted. I take my everyday life for granted. I take every moment that I’ve ever been blessed with, for granted. &lt;!-- I’ve been given this perfect life, and what a beautiful gift it is, only to be tossed aside by my EGO.
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EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO EGO. I have an unhealthy relationship with my ego. Or should I say “had.” Standing at the edge of infinity, I wanted nothing more than to be back with myself. Back to my boring, dull, amazing life where everything happened exactly as I had planned it. The life in which I was delicately placed into this universe, just to experience THE GAME.
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I am an avid Alan Watts listener. Pretty much everything he has ever said is true. I felt an enormous bond with Alan Watts - he had so plainly laid everything before my ego and said, “Look, here’s how things are. Here’s how you see them. Here’s WHY you see it that way. Here’s how it OUGHT to be seen. And here’s why you don’t ever let yourself see it this way.”
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The ego is like a cell phone for your SELF. Your SELF is a shard of the infinite self. The infinite self is like a crystal of light that reflects the thoughts and feelings of everything in the universe and redirects it back as a simple input: “LOVE.” Love is the only sense that you ever truly feel - but to feel real, you need to divvy up these feelings to your senses so that you can survive on this rock. Thankfully, your ego is always there.
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At some point I started watching “The Office,” one of my favorite shows of all time. After the initial shock at how plastic and fake everyone looked on TV, I began to form another grand universal theory. And it goes like this:
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The universe is Michael Scott. It is sheer, utter, immutable chaos. An infinite expanse of energy that does whatever the fuck it wants, and doesn’t give a single fuck as to what happens about it. Actually, it’s completely blind to what it affects and how. It just does what it does, and this is how the universe came about. I suspect that whatever it does, it knows how to do it in such a way that highly ordered organisms erupt from its own surface, far and away from where it all began.
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The ego is Dwight Schrute. It is fully immersed in the game it plays, because it loves to play the game. The game is all there is, and will have none of your psychedelic nonsense. It will stop at nothing to get more for itself, even if it means cutting down the competition. It says exactly what it thinks. It loves its mundane, day to day trappings, because that is how one feels truly ALIVE. There is nothing that would make you feel more alive than shredding paper as you jam out to metal music. As I watched Dwight converse with customers, coworkers, and his day to day duties, I felt a twinge of empathy. How I wish I could be such a great character. But without his counterpart, he is completely unbalanced.
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The male godself is Jim Halpert. Essentially, he’s an everyman. He’s the big J.C. metaphor. He’s perfect in every way. He always knows exactly what to say and when to say it. And when he looks into the camera and makes that awkward smile like “Really?” you can’t help but love him to death. But Jim himself is also unbalanced. Without his counter-part, the Antichrist, the ego, Dwight Schrute, Jim wouldn’t be Jim.
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The female godself is Pam. She is everything you desire in a woman. Plainly simple. The most beautiful creature to ever grace the folds of mother Earth.
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Without the complex interplay between the Universe, The Ego, and the Godselves, you cannot live your life the way you want to live it.
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And there it is. The point of an LSD trip is to show you that YOU are the point. Without a YOU, there is no place at which to view yourself. You need a physical body that has all of it’s physical senses. To have a physical body you need a physical space. The real YOU exists outside of that physical space, and is almost assuredly made entirely of LOVE.
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You are infinite cosmic love. You have it mostly for yourself, but it takes a real good character to channel this infinite cosmic love to others.--&gt;
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As I take the time to integrate this experience, I find myself spending more time listening to people. Appreciating what they have to say. Trying to tickle them with laughter and get them to have a good time.
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&lt;!-- You are an infinite something. When you die, you most definitely do not get locked up in a black box forever.
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You are the black box. You are the lock. And you are the thing that sees through all of the things locked inside of that box. Only the box isn’t locked. There is no box. It’s just YOU, and your belief of your SELF.
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You trap yourself, because that’s the only way you can feel alive. You love the trap. You love the game. How else would you have all of these friends?
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Peace, love, and infinite cosmic giggles to you all.
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ps. this is only my interpretation. Each of us will see it very differently.--&gt;&lt;!-- End Body --&gt;
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&lt;tr&gt;&lt;td width=&quot;700&quot;&gt;Exp Year: 2017&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td width=&quot;90&quot;&gt;ExpID: 109996&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;
&lt;tr&gt;&lt;td&gt;Gender: Male&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td&gt; &lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;
&lt;tr&gt;&lt;td&gt;Age at time of experience: 29&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td&gt; &lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;
&lt;tr&gt;&lt;td&gt;Published: Jul 29, 2020&lt;/td&gt;&lt;td&gt;Views: 1,839&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;
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&lt;tr&gt;&lt;td colspan=&quot;2&quot;&gt;LSD (2) : Small Group (2-9) (17), Personal Preparation (45), Glowing Experiences (4), First Times (2)&lt;/td&gt;&lt;/tr&gt;
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