:I certainly like this a lot better than what's there, but agree that 's suggestion improves the readability further.  I'd appreciate if  could come up with some constructive suggestions that match this level of readability instead of just pointing out why everyone else's suggestions are wrong.  And while the question of the article title obviously impacts discussion of the lede, I think comments such as 's which try to reopen that debate here are not going to lead us towards improving the article, at least in the short term.  If we're going to have that debate (again), have it elsewhere - let's try to keep this section on how to improve the lede within the constraints currently in place.