So being as Elite Emily is in LA this weekend, I'm forced to come up with my own culinary adventures. As I was pondering what to have for lunch, I remember our mutual friend Josh raving about Sammy's Pastrami. Mmmm yummy. Pastrami is for pastra-ME.\n\nNow, for anyone who lives/ed in Simi Valley (or select locations in So Cal) they've surely had pastrami from The Hat. Sammy's is to the Hat as a Yugo is to a Mercedes.\n\nWhen I first pulled up to this shack (yes, it's a little hut), I was surprised that there was only outdoor dining. I didn't expect lavish dining rooms and fine china, obviously, but I would have liked to sit inside. But the weather was nice, and I really wanted to try it, so I sat outside facing the world's crappiest drivers headed down Decatur Blvd.\n\nI ordered what I usually order at The Hat, a Pastrami Burger, no cheese. As I looked over the side options, I asked, \"Do the fries come with that?\" Nope.\n\nGack. Everything is a la carte.\n\nEnvisioning the dollar signs quickly spinning in my head, I ordered a small Smokehouse BBQ fries and a medium cherry lemonade, since the LVRJ nominated it for best lemonade. Can't be too bad, right?\n\nTotal, for one person, for lunch = $15.51.\n\nDouble gack. Double gack and ack, even. Thank god there were generous people checking in to the hotel last night and I had tip money to use. Still. no one meal, especially for lunch, should be $15 from a food shack.\n\nI sat outside sipping my cherry lemonade, watching drivers on Decatur attempt to kill each other via vehicular manslaughter. Their lemonade was nominated for best in Las Vegas? Maybe it's just me, but lemonade should be tart, even with added flavors. This was too sweet. I wasn't totally pleased.\n\nWhen the Smokehouse BBQ fries came out, I looked at... a basket of fries.\n\nTriple gack. Really? If I pay $2.99 for a small basket of Smokehouse BBQ fries, I expect a little more than fries thrown around in the same BBQ-esque seasoning that gets on your fingers from BBQ LAY'S F***ING POTATO CHIPS!!!!!\n\nOh, by the way, no service. They just bring it out to you. Ketchup? Hah. Napkins? Two tucked into the basket, hope they last!\n\nWhen the pastrami burger arrived, it was okay. Nothing like The Hat, which is like the deli scene from \"When Harry Met Sally\" acting out on your taste buds. This pastrami burger was more like the remake of \"Land of the Lost\" -- mildly tasty in some parts but mostly forgettable. The pastrami was fresh, but the rest of it lacked.\n\nAnd it was greasy. Hoo boy, was it greasy. Like, squeeze it on your axles greasy. Like, slick back an entire mob cartel's hair greasy. It didn't drip, it flowed. I'm fine with greasy, but this was too much. \n\nAll in all, the food saved it from being a 1-star. But there's much better pastrami in Las Vegas. Bagelmania, a deli on the east side of the strip, is one place. I'm sure there's more out there. Somewhere.\n\nAll I know for certain is that I'm going to get a second opinion when Josh recommends food.