Although I have eaten here twice and absolutely loved it, I have been afraid to write a review of it because I'm afraid people won't take it seriously. \n\nBecause they shouldn't. I gave a four-star review to Pizza Patron. Because I for one love traditionally awful pizza. The sketchier the better. I like it greasy (like my hair) and cheap (like my thrills). I love it when the pepperoni gets those little pools of oil in them and when there's so much topping that it falls off the pie while you're cutting it and you have to pick it out of the box...you know, I think I'm going to stop here before I lose my Elite Status on principle.\n\nThere's a reason you don't see me waiting in line for Pizzeria Bianco. Because I would just embarrass myself by asking the waitier if my Wise Guy could come with a side of ranch or brown sauce (you call it A-1, like that makes it classier...stfu).\n\nThe first time Misty and I went to Pizza A Metro, we took my mother. After having just learned that all that underwear in the laundry was actually mine and not my girlfriends, she really needed the cheering up. So we decided to bring her into a sweaty pizzeria and tell her we were engaged.\n\nI say sweaty because at the time the air conditioner was broken. They did have some fans up. A whole lot of good a couple of fans did when we were sitting like five paces away from the fucking oven.\n\nWe ordered a metro-size margherita pizza, which really hampered our yelping because we spent THREE DAYS eating the damn thing. But fuck was it delicious. Here I was trying to find the craziest, fattiest meats to stack onto my pizza and all it takes is some basil and tomatoes to sate my taste buds. \n\nThe manager was really nice with a dash of eccentric charm. Which is good, because he spent our WHOLE meal standing over us, striking up small talk and asking us our opinions of the food. \n\nYeah man, the food's great. Now if you'll excuse us, I need to call work and tell them I need to take the week off so I can digest your fucking franken-monstrosity of a pizza.\n\nMom enjoyed it too, I think. With all this life-changing news happening around her, I think I could've said to her \"I just saved money on my car insurance by switching to Geico\" and her eyes would have filled with tears of relief and joy.\n\nThe second time we went, we brought my brother, the pickiest, most pretentious eater I have ever known.  This is a guy who defends his refusal to try sushi by saying \"there are some things I just know I won't like. Like [insert homoerotic sex maneuver].\" Yes, I said maneuvers. No go [synonym for \"copulate\"] yourself.\n\nHe actually lives down the street from a Pizza Patron and eats it 2x a week. And even HE admitted the pizza was amazing. He didn't care much for the carpaccio, but I did. And this is my review. So whatever.\n\nI personally like the intimate space, claustrophobia aside. I'm tired of these reasonably sized restaurants that cater to normal crowds of people. I want massive kitchens that leave little to no room for diners. The smaller the dining area, the higher the likelihood you get to sit by the window. Sit by the window and watch all those other fools, I dunno, do what fools do, like watch MTV and vote against gay rights, I guess. Yeah, phobe, I can see you trampling my rights. You have just been taken off the list for my next party, jerkface.\n\nI'm so confident in Pizza A Metro's potential for awesomeness that I'm even going to try something not pizza next time. Gasp. Am I going to violate my \"no eating anything not stated in the sign\" policy? Yes. This weekend (or January 18, if this ever gets to be ROTD), when I meet with some other yelper(s) for lunch, I will probably order a pasta dish. And maybe a salad. \n\nOh god am I about go through my  \"salads only\" phase? I am NOT looking forward to this.