Question: I have been married 38 years. But for the past 15 have had no 'feelings' for my spouse. What do I do? My spouse spends most of his time away from home. He sometimes is gone for 8-10 hours after his shift is over at work. I know he helps his parents on occasion but 8 to 10 hours on a daily basis?? I want to get out so bad. But I am afraid.

Answer: The unknown is always scary. Something took a wrong turn 15 years ago, and you haven't been on track since then. You  probably feel like your all alone in the woods now. So prepare yourself mentally to leave so you can physically leave or fix this! You have 2 choices. 38 years is a long time. I believe the magic that brought you two together is still alive, although it may seem like a candle in the sun. If either one of you had wanted to really end this, one of you would be long gone. But your both still co-excisting in the same home.  First, find yourselve again. If your job can't support you if you should decide to leave, use this time to find another job. Keep in mind, he is going to have to 1/2 things with you. So your probably going to be alright financially from the divorce settlement, if you go this route. Next you need friends. Don't sit at that house wondering what he is doing 8 to 10 hours on a daily basis. That is 8 to 10 hours that you have, to do anything you want. This is all about you now. You can't make him be happy. You can't make him come home after work, and probably really don't want to at this point. Stop doing the norm!!! Never ask him again, where he has been. You no longer care. You are  mentally prepping yourself for a better life. Now, keep in mind, once you are centered, he is going to notice the difference. They always do. At this point, you can try and rekindle or you continue to move ahead with your mental plan. What ever it is you decide to do, just get started on it as soon as possible. Woman, you are in the prime of your life! You have a lot to offer someone that will appreciate you. People live so much longer these days, and happy people make living longer even better. You come out of that house, re-enter the world of the living, get with friends, go to dinner, shopping, or take a singles vacation. Whatever it is, just do it! After about 6 months from now, you are going to be a new person. You are going to be a happier person. You are going to be alive and enjoying new things. You just refocus from who you where, and turn it around to who you want to be. You are going to be living each day for you. And if your husband wants to be apart of all this wonderful stuff, he can mentally change just like you are going to. If he is not a part of this plan, that is OK to, because in time you will mentally know you can carry on with out him. Good Luck, and God bless you and your determination.
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