Question: Do you have a good, funny, smart way to answer back telemarketers? Give me some creative, smart, and funny ways.\n\nExample: Seinfeld: \n\n"would you like to subscribe to our magazine?"\n\n"Yes i would" (hangs up the phone)

Answer: Well, not sure if this can be applied in all situations but your question reminded me of this response I got from an email that still cracks me up:\n\nWhat to say to a telemarketer! One of the things that has always bugged me (and I'm sure it has most of you, too) is to sit down to dinner only to be interrupted by a phone call from a telemarketer. I decided, on one such occasion, to try to be as irritating to them as they were to me. The call was from AT&T, and it went something like this: \n\nMe: Hello\n\nAT&T: Hello, this is AT&T.... \n\nMe: Is this AT&T?\n\nAT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.... \n\nMe: This is AT&T?\n\nAT&T: Yes. This is AT&T.... \n\nMe: Is this AT&T?\n\nAT&T: YES! This is AT&T. May I speak to Mr. Salem please? \n\nMe: May I ask who is calling?\n\nAT&T: This is AT&T. \n\nMe: OK, hold on. \n\nAt this point, I put the phone down for a solid 5 minutes thinking that, surely, this person would have hung up the phone. I ate my salad. Much to my surprise, when I picked up the receiver, she was still waiting. \n\nMe: Hello?\n\nAT&T: Is this Mr. Salem? \n\nMe: May I ask who is calling please?\n\nAT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.... \n\nMe: Is this AT&T?\n\nAT&T: Yes, this is AT&T.... \n\nMe: This is AT&T?\n\nAT&T: Yes, is this Mr. Salem? \n\nMe: Yes, is this AT&T?\n\nAT&T: Yes, sir. \n\nMe: The phone company?\n\nAT&T: Yes, sir. \n\nMe: I thought you said this was AT&T.\n\nAT&T: Yes, sir, we are a phone company. \n\nMe: I already have a phone.\n\nAT&T: We aren't selling phones today, Mr. Salem. \n\nMe: Well, whatever it is, I'm really not interested, but thanks for calling. \n\nWhen you are not interested in something, I don't think you can express yourself any plainer than by saying "I'm really not interested", but this lady was persistent. \n\nAT&T: Mr. Salem, we would like to offer you 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. \n\nNow, I am sure she meant she was offering a "rate" of 10 cents a minute, but she at no time used the word "rate". I could clearly see that it was time to whip out the trusty old calculator and do a little ciphering. \n\nMe: Now, that's 10 cents a minute 24 hours a day? AT&T: (getting a little excited at this point by my interest) Yes, sir, that's right! 24 hours a day! \n\nMe: 7 days a week?\n\nAT&T: That's right. \n\nMe: 365 days a year?\n\nAT&T: Yes, sir. \n\nMe: I am definitely interested in that! Wow!! That's amazing!! AT&T: We think so! \n\nMe: That's quite a sum of money!\n\nAT&T: Yes, sir, it's amazing how it adds up. \n\nMe: OK, so will you send me checks weekly, monthly or just one big one at the end of the year for the full $52,560? If you send an annual heck, can I get a\n\ncash advance?\n\nAT&T: Excuse me? \n\nMe: You know, the 10 cents a minute.\n\nAT&T: What are you talking about? \n\nMe: You said you'd give me 10 cents a minute, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. That comes to $144 per day, $1,008 per week and $52,560 per year. I'm just interested in knowing how you will be making payment.\n\nAT&T: Oh no, sir, I didn't mean we'd be paying you. You pay us 10 cents a minute. \n\nMe: Wait a minute here! Didn't you say you'd give me 10 cents a minute? Are you sure this is AT&T?\n\nAT&T: Well, yes, this is AT&T, sir, but.... \n\nMe: But nothing! How do you figure that by saying that you'll give me 10 cents a minute that I'll give you 10 cents a minute? Is this some kind of suliminal telemarketing scheme? I've read about things like this in the Enquirer, you know. Don't use your alien brainwashing techniques on me.\n\nAT&T: No, sir, we are offering 10 cents a minute for.... \n\nMe: THERE YOU GO AGAIN! Can I speak to a supervisor please?!? AT&T: Sir, I don't think that is necessary. \n\nMe: Sure! You say that now! What happens later? AT&T: What? \n\nMe: I insist on speaking to a supervisor! AT&T: Yes, Mr. Salem. Please hold. \n\nSo, now AT&T has
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