Question: I have been verbally abused and sexually abused as a child..very insecure? Want to be more positive and happy! I was sexually abused for over 10 years as a child, by my step father.  He and my mother are still together, the family finally knows all about the abuse.  I have been verbally abused in the past, and cant seem to be positive.  I have good and bad days.  My husband is awesome, and supports me the best he can.  I hate being angry and negative all the time.  I know Im a happy and fun person...they have all made me feel so insecure about myself. I have tried counseling. I am a stay at home mom, with our 6 month old son and three school age children too.  I just dont get "MY" time.  I love our marriage and children.  How can I be a more postive parent and spouse?

Answer: Sorry about the abuse thing -- but you found a nice guy anyway -- good for you.  You will feel less stressed if you do indeed find some time just for you.  But that is tough.  Raising 4 kids is draining even if you wanted all of them.  Don't you have a mom in law who will take them for awhile?  Have you thought of day care, just a day or two per week.  Having time to be by yourself is really important, even if you have to pay a ton for it. And make sure you plan a date once in awhile with your husband, where only you and he are together.  Get away for an overnight trip, even if it is just in a local motel, with some champagne cheese and crackers.... Raising kids is not cheap -- finding time to be by yourself or with your husband isn't cheap either, but you two need to reconnect once in awhile to remind each other who you each are.
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