Question: My b-i-l used the name we wanted for a baby boy, and they knew we hoped to use it, is that tasteless? Our entire relationship my husbands brother and his wife have had this on-going one sided competition with us.  We got a dog, they get one, we get another dog, they get another dog, we have a baby, they have a baby, we had a second child and we hoped to use a certain name and couldn't because of the sex, then they have another baby (this time its a boy) and guess what name they used?  The one we had wanted.    I was heartbroken because we were not done having children.  Am I wrong to feel like this?  Personally, I think they live their lives walking a FINE line between jealousy and envy and this took the cake for me!  I haven't spoken to them in almost 3 years and they seem to have no regret that the incident happened and SWEAR it wasn't intentional.  I cannot believe that "family" would do this to you.  Don't get me wrong, I  am not implying that I own the name, but all the events leading up to it make it hard for me to take.  I am just looking for some fresh opinions

Answer: My gosh, I SO know what you mean!!  You are completely entitled to your opinion.  I'm going to share something with you.  I worked with a girl for a long time whom I just despised because she did the same thing.  I'd buy a certain type of shirt, the next day, she had one, I'd buy knee high boots, the following week she'd have brand new knee high boots, I'd bought a Honda, she bought a Honda,  this went on for 7 years.  The last year we worked together, her husband left her for the third time and she befriended me.  I was much wiser than her so I helped her (even though part of me despised her, I tried very hard to look beyond it).   In that time, I realized how screwed up her whole life had been even though she excelled a lot at work and was a very dominant figure-at work.  At home, however, she was a coward who had no identity of her own because her mother had been so controlling.   I put all the pieces of the puzzle together and realized that in copying me in everything, she was jealous of the fact that I was grounded and centered and she wasn't.  She essentially was copying to try and find her own identity but couldn't.  I was finally able to pity her as opposed to hating her and having to waste time and money in a therapist's office talking about it!!\n\nMy point is that you are totally centered and grounded.  It is more than evident in your question and the way you ask it.  You have your (*&^ together.   They are completely lame for doing what they're doing and yes, they are classless.  Totally classless.  That is pretty much as low as you can go.  \n\nAnd with it being your B-I-L, it's not like you can avoid them knowing because obviously your husband tells them.  So I guess the only thing you can do is understand why (and that's why this comment is so long-sorry).  And hopefully that will help you.   Just know that people that do that are followers, not leaders.   you are a leader, they are followers who know not where they're going.  How sad.  \n\nEven though that girl excelled at work more than I did because I didn't have it in me to backstab, suck up to the point of no dignity and what have you, I realized that my personal life was going to reward me so much more than work and that was all she had was work.   All your b-i-l has is a directionless life with a wife who has no identity of her own.  Can you just imagine what that thought process is like?  It's not much!!!!   Imagine what it's like to live your life with absolutely NO passion?   You on the other hand have tons of passion, I can see it in your question!!!  You're full of passion.  So rest in comfort knowing that he and she are passionless people walking around looking for how they should exist.  Looking for a way to fit in.  \n\nFollowers never really lead.  They always follow.
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