Question: I need help with my daughters feelings.? My daughter is 9 years old and 5 years ago she lost her grandma. Her grandma and pappy used to take her everyday and all weekend long a lot of times. When she died a part of my daughters spirit died as well. I have talked to her, I have her talking to therapist, but nothing seems to help. every other night and, her grandfather has put her through a lot since the death. Not long (meaning within a month or 2) after her grandma died, he tried on more than one occassion to commit suicide. Very tramatic for her to go through that, then he started dating a crazy woman only 2 months after she died, then that didn't work. Then he dated another woman a month after the 1st and then announced on her birthday only 9 months after her grandma died that he was going to marry this woman. This woman hates our kids, has tried to stab her grandfather, has watched her slap me, and won't allow him the time to visit. We did move away for awhile, but I think she needs him, as much as he needs her. HELP!!!

Answer: I truly believe that you must sit down with your father one-on-one and have a heart-to-heart conversation with him. To do this without making him feel defensive, I would suggest that you ask your dad to try to understand that what you need to discuss with him isn't easy for you and hope that he keeps in mind that you only want what is best for your daughter and for him as well.\n\nIf he has the love for his granddaughter that most grandparents do for their grandchildren, then you might want to focus the conversation on her and her emotional well-being. Express to him the negative and life-long challenges that result from the decisions he has made and continues to make. Perhaps it is best to address the fact that he has put aside any self respect and self worth by deciding to marry a woman that obviously has deep emotional issues that aren't healthy for him, his granddaughter, or anyone else in the family for that matter. Ask him to give these points some serious thought.\n\nThere are several books that can help your dad sort through his emotions, while also helping him to recognize the destructive path he is heading toward if he doesn't do something to take responsibility for his life and his pain.\n\nI hope this was helpful, I pray that all works out for you and your family. If things do not change or get worse... I also believe that it is crucial that you establish a very open and honest relationship with you daughter and that you use the situations that come about to help your daughter feel secure within herself and to help her understand that life isn't always easy and sometimes our lives are turned upside down for many reasons. Unconditional love from mom and dad, while guiding her through life's lessons to always take life's challenges and chose to learn from them and to help others do the same along the way would be my message to my kids.\n\nThe Four Agreements is an excellent book to help with an overall personal fulfillment/development guide. It sometimes can be repetitive and might seem strange in the beginning but it you ask that your dad and your daughter (even yourself) to make a commitment to read the entire book, I think you will all come away with a much more positive outlook on life and love.\n\nMy son would also like to suggest that you remind your daughter that her grandma is always looking down on her from heaven and will always be with her. I think that this was such a great suggestion as I remember when I lost my grandma when I was 6 years old... knowing that she was always there made me feel as though I could get through anything and I never felt alone.
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