Question: gimme witty one liners...? no yo mamas!!

Answer: 1. Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. \n\n2.   Love affairs :   Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more ! popular than a five day test. \n\n3. Marriage : It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master \n\n4. Divo  rce : Future tense of marriage \n\n5. Lecture : An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either". \n\n6.   Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. \n\n7. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. \n\n8. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power . \n\n9. Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before marriage. \n\n10. Conference Room : A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. \n\n11. Ecstasy : A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before. \n\n12. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. \n\n13. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. \n\n14.   Office :   A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life. \n\n15. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. \n\n16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. \n\n17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit   to decide that nothing can be done together. \n\n18. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. \n\n19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions. \n\n20. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. \n\n21. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. \n\n22. Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river. \n\n23. Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel Tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet." \n\n24. Pessimist :- A person who says that O is the last letter in ZERO, Instead of the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY . \n\n25. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. \n\n26. Father : A banker provided by nature. \n\n27.   Criminal : A guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught. \n\n28. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. \n\n29. Politician : One who shakes  your hand before elections and your Confidence after. \n\n30. Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
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