Question: Currently engaged to the love of my life, but we can't have sex.? For the past year or so she's had a kind of rip in the lining of her vagina. We've been trying everything to fix it, doctors, treatments, everything, but it's not going away. We used to enjoy sex very, very much before this happened. Both of us have only been with each other. The big problem is because of things being messed up with her we hardly ever have sex, or even non-intercourse play. I'm an extremely sexual man and I'm starting to get frustrated and feel neglected. I feel horrible because I know it's not her fault at all and she's probably suffering just as much as me. Am I just being selfish? Even with how things are I love her deeply and would never think of leaving her, she's the other half of my soul. By I miss sex with her so bad and it's been so long since we've had a healthy love life my hormones are about to kill me! Anyone have any real, constructive advice? Input from a female perspective would be appreciated.

Answer: The first thing, as a female...she's probably incredibly insecure about his, even though it's not her fault.  No doubt she misses a healthy sex life, but because you are so important to one another, she's probably feeling a little scared that this is going to ruin one of the greatest things in her life.  So while it's important, you have to make sure she knows that it's not AS important as the relationship the two of you have.  And don't just say it once, remind her.  We girls like to be reassured, because doubt tends to get the better of us.  And don't just say it, make sure your actions support what you say.  Once she's feeling better about herself, explore a temporary non-vaginal-intercourse alternative to abstinence - by talking about it together, being positive and enthusiastic, and by experimenting, which can be loads of fun for a change of pace.  Don't make it about the problem, make it about how fun it can be finding a solution.  You may even find that it makes your sex life better in the long-term by having variety there.
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