Question: What do you think a man really means when he say 'the problem is I like you too much'? I am single with children and my current thinking is...My children are going through the most diffecult time of their so far lives as well as adolessence and I don't think a man; not related to them, will understand and love them unconditionally. Regardless of of his feelings for me. To like me,love me, does not or will not always trancend to my offspring. I think it is unrealistic and rude to expect it.

Answer: well congratulations on putting your children first.  You are one of the first I have seen on here that does that and I thank you for making a positive contribution to our world by loving your children.  Thank you.   Secondly, yes, you are right, love is conditional.  There is no such thing as unconditional love.  There are cases with parents who don't love their children in many countries including our own.  So love is conditional.  The conditions are different with each individual.  Someone who says I like you too much is saying "I have tons of fears that I am not able to cope with or calm myself".  That's immaturity and lack of coping skills.  Not a great sign but with therapy, they can learn to cope better.  It also sounds like fear of abandonmnent.  He most likely wasn't close to one or both of his parents or they have a bad relationship as about 50% of most couples do.   This is traumatic to a child and if they're never given proper coping skills as a child, they don't just magically appear as an adult.    \n\nIt isn't rude to expect unconditional love from a non relative but it is unrealistic.  The key is how he interacts with them. He must respect that they come first, he is responsible for treating them with respect, appropriate discipline, appropriate love and appropriate affection for a non relative.  That is something that you will have to monitor closely until they leave the nest.  It's your responsibility.
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