Question: My son has started asking question about his father, who has shown no interest in him.  How do I explain that? I am a divorced single mom of one.  My son is only 3, but he's very intelligent.  He's started asking questions about where his dad is.  His dad has shown no interest in him at all.  My son is a very happy child.  He has a father figure in his grandpa (my dad).  I realize that a household doesn't need two parents for a child to thrive.  I don't talk about his father, ever.  I'm just not sure how to answer the questions now at the age of 3, let alone when he gets older without trying to make his father out to be the bad guy.  My son knows that he's loved; but I know what it will be like as he gets older without a 'dad' around like kids his age.  Grandpa has never been anything but wonderful for him, but he can't do it all and he won't be around forever.  I guess my question is, how and where do I start with this?  \n\nThanks for reading....

Answer: G'day Vicki,\nThis is a very sad, (but very familiar) case and I am so sorry to haer that your ex does not want any involvement with his son.\nThe fact that your three year old is asking questions tells me that he is a very bright and intelligent young boy and has obviously learnt(through play group/preschool) that children have both mummies and daddies.\nBecause of his intelligence, I would tell him the story of his father. As much as he may not fully understand yet, it is going to be the beginning of this concept that he DOES have a father - but one, that is (sadly) not around.\nYou may be even surprised to learn that he may understand some of this.  \nThe fact that he has a grandfather(as a role model) is truly wonderful. Some children don't even have that, so that is a real blessing.  \nYou could start by telling him how much grandpa means to him and vice versa and how important Granddad is to you too.\nBecause he is so young, you may need to use analogies(little stories) to  help in his understanding.  Try to make it simple, yet truthful,(if you know what I mean) and be very patient.\nChildren at that age have a very short-attention span(as you may well know) and so he may tire if it is a long-winded story.\nSometimes, just giving him little spurts of the story each day, or once a week will help.  If it is given to him too quickly and too at once, he may not be able to grasp any of it.\n\nYou may find that, once he is old enough to fully understand this, he may chose not to talk about his father.\n\nI really do feel for you but I think he is going to grow up to be a very fine young man seeing that he has a caring mother like yourself and an obviously loving grandpa.  \nBest of Luck! :)
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