Rick Perry Out, Taps Newt Gingrich’s Ass

Rick Perry has officially taken his ass out of the 2012 presidential race and tapped the ass of Newt Gingrich. Yes, we know that donkeys are typically associated with the Democratic Party, but we are simply using the term “ass” in the sense that they are domestic horselike mammals that are often entered into races. So Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry at least fit that description.

And the fact is Rick Perry has officially dropped out of the 2012 presidential race stating at a press conference in North Charleston, South Carolina, “I have come to the conclusion that there is no viable path forward for me in the 2012 campaign. I know when it’s time to make a strategic retreat.”

Apparently you don’t “know”, Rick, since that time was back in November when three things happened:

You showed up at the debate on November 9.

You began speaking, and,

Uh, um, I can’t. Sorry. Oops… (Damn that never get’s old!)

While CBS News literally asks, “What went wrong?”, TPM has generously offered a tribute to the man that many of us know as Rick Parry.

But Perry isn’t going away without throwing his “support” behind the most Republican of all the GOP candidates, Newt Gingrich.

Regardless of the fact that in a December debate Perry explained that he’s “always kind of been of the opinion that if you cheat on your wife, you’ll cheat on your business partner,” he is now supporting the one “family-values” candidate who believes it just fine to bang other mares while his wife is suffering from Multiple Sclerosis.

Apparently, though, Perry believes that the cheating ends at the business level. You will cheat on your wife, you will cheat on your business partner, but it stops there. After that we need to forgive and forget. … Family Values! … or … Christianity! … or … Jesus!

Just think, what would Newt do if a Democratic president cheated on his wife … say in the oval office … with an intern … whose first name rhymed with Bonika? He would totally forgive him, right?

Deborah Brancheau is the Managing Editor of RestoringTruthiness.org, a political comedy website inspired by the political satire of Comedy Central's Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. Deborah's background is a smörgåsbord of experience. With a bachelor’s degrees in Anthropology and Theatre and a Minor in Cinema/Television, and a Master's Degree in Communication from the University of Southern California, Deborah took her heavily student-loan-funded education and became a sports-writing, high-school-teaching, graphic-designing, university-professing, broke-bum bastard. When that didn't work out too well, she refunneled her expertise into this new venture, RestoringTruthiness.org.