as a gay member myself i think youre doing great there are so many strong lgbtq people in the church who are either celibate or do end up marrying someone of the opposite sex anyway and i have never felt like thats for me granted im young so that can change but im proud of you for trying your hardest its not easy to be gay and in the church and we dont have all the answers so all we can do is our best dont beat yourself up too much your heavenly father loves you so much