thats no different to someone who calls something gay without meaning any disrespect to homosexuals it doesnt work that way also retarded is sometimes used by people to mean a stupid thing someone did not that theyre actually mentally impaired or meaning anything bad about disabled persons still not an acceptable usage another example a white man calling a friend a nigger playfully not on no matter how it was meant in that particular context you dont get to tell the person the word oppresses that its not oppressive because in your particular usage it wasnt meant that way