Here is my thought process about my partner when I’m in a depressive episode or emotionally numb (I hope someone relates cz I feel so alone)

- do you really even like them?
-why are you with them, you’re lying about loving them, you barely show them any attention and you don’t even feel the love 24/7
-relationships are supposed to be like your past (toxic) relationships
-everything you do with them is becoming boring, don’t you want to leave and find someone who’s exciting?
-leave them before you become too much
-do they really understand you?
-they should do more
-you should analyze everything about them to understand their behavior
-you’re not allowed to see a future with them right now
-terrifying terrifying terrifying the commitment is terrifying 
-what if they find someone hotter and cheat
-what if you’re the monster and cheat
-you’re not in love with them, you’re going to hurt them if you don’t give them all the attention and affection but it will make you burn out and it will make you feel guilty if you don’t give it to them even if they understand why 
- what if you don’t like them next month or next year, what if you move in together 
- you’re not allowed the like the physical and sexu@l touches for the next 3 months 

I’ve been in therapy for a while and I stopped because my last therapist was not good but because of past therapy session I can identify which are the lies and the truth but sometimes the bad thoughts get way too overwhelming and it gets hard to shut them up and I feel like it is unfair for my partner for me to get like this and have to tell them about every little detail because I want our communication to be crystal clear but still idk how to lessen the intrusive thoughts when I’m bored or in a depressive episode or emotionally numb.