And I feel... awful. I feel angry at my friends and family for things that are in the past, I feel like doing all the substances I've quit, I feel like purchasing a bus ticket and quietly sneaking away. 

I feel I will never get rid of this emptiness inside me. I feel like breaking EVERYTHING. I feel like I should be happy and proud of myself right now, but I'm not. I feel like destroying my relationships, my health, and my education.

But I'm not going to. And I hate that I'm not going to. I've learned that acting out doesn't make me happy and that nothing can make me happy when I feel like this. All acting out does is make me feel good for a moment and then adds guilt and shame on top of my emptiness.

So I'm choosing to sleep instead because I can make that choice. I can choose how I handle these emotions. These feelings are an illness, they are not me.

Good night.
