I had few traumatic experiences at the age of 18 that triggered this and made me had a panic attack for the first time in my life and since then I've been suffering with non stop anxiety daily 24/7, i can't eat, i can't sleep, i don't feel alive, i feel like a zombie, I'm already depressed and anxiety won't let me focus on healthy activities which could improve my depression, I'm suicidal because my mental health is ruining my life , I'm at a place that i can't even speak, i feel like a zombie, so no amount of therapy can help, i believe only medications can help, but i found out there's something called PSSD , it happens by the antidepressant usage, it's rare but it happens and that's the reason why I'm afraid to take antidepressants, benzos helped so much but they only work for 4 hours which is the reason why i don't take them anymore. So idk what to do at this point, i think my only option is antidepressant until i can get better enough to get to talk with a therapist about my past but with the state that I'm in rn i can't do that, and I'm scared of getting pssd by antidepressant usage, like imagine using antidepressant for 6 months and then stopping and then still experiencing sexual side effects, emotional numbness for years after stopping the meds, that would make me more depressed, i would have to rely on antidepressants for the rest of my life... I don't want that