feel like i’m turning into everything i hate about the world.  my life is just a repeat of getting day drunk and high, playing stardew 10 hrs a day+ then getting better and super euphoric for a few hours/days and depression again. i’m new to this, i only just accepted anything abt borderline as i’ve been rejecting it. i’ve been feeling like this since 10 and 18 now, lots of trauma caused by this behaviour and drug issues. my bf has ocd and sees ocd symptoms in me. could that be a bpd related thing? sorry this is so chaotic i’m drunk and unstable. also so paranoid there’s ppl watching. me outside my windo not just my mom