Sitting here devastated that another relationship has crashed burned and left me on an emotional spiral I can't quite jump off of. I was dating this person for about a year and had the same argument over and over and over. 

"You don't love me." I need you to tell me how important I am, I feel worthless, unloveable. How do I know your intentions are true? Are you sleeping with other people? Are you using me for sex? 

Then after not receiving the validation I need the splitting happens. 

I fucking hate you so much. Youre the worst person to ever exist. You abuse me, you're using me just like every other man that's walked into my life. You make me hate myself, all I try to do is love you. Why can't you see that? Why don't you love me? You must be a narcissist because you have no bone in your body to love someone. 

DAE have these fights ? This immense feeling of worthlessness, our reoccurring fear of abandonment coming in and fucking up every relationship we have. I constantly consider myself the victim of abusive men. I have been in the past. I also seek out emotionally unavailable men because that's safer in my mind then the codependent love bombing men I used to date. 

So sitting at the bar with my best friend of 6 years which of course I fell in love with tried to seduce a relationship out of him normal average BPD favorite person bullshit literally brought up the reason why we broke up. And it was the same exact thing I felt unloved he didn't want to commit I shunned him as a horrible abusive person. When actually I was hurting him the whole time with my words. 

I feel so lost. Am I truly insane? The other day he told me I was insane triggering me into a spiral of self hate suicide threats and horrible things I accused him of. He's choosing to tell me he never loved me, that we were never in a relationship, that I imagined everything. Was this some manipulater or am I truly insane? It's so hard to tell when you're being taken advantage of or when you're overly attached and someone is just trying to get away from you. Confusion is taking over my mind. 

In DBT terms the most effective solution is to stop texting him and just stay away. 
It still doesn't take away my pain or confusion. 
Am I really some psycho bitch unworthy of love. That ruins every person I love ? Did I truly imagine an entire relationship after being honest with him about my deep love for him? Ugh