I have made a boat load of improvement over the years. I used to cut daily, and (seriously) attempt suicide at least once a fortnight. That went on for a number of years. I have not attempted suicide in over a year now I think, and it's been maybe about 4 months since I last cut. 

That is becoming increasingly harder to maintain. I am stuck in my job that I hate, because 1. There's no work around at the moment and 2. I don't have the mental capacity right now to look for more work. 

But my job is making me regress. The longer I stay here, the more I regress. I've been thinking about cutting again, and the suicidal thoughts are becoming louder again. 

I used to have my own office, which was good, because I have severe social anxiety. I got moved about a month ago onto an open plan floor with about 30 people surrounding me. I can't handle it. 

It's a double edged sword. My job makes it harder to do things, but I need to do things to make things better again. 

I just feel like crying :'(