(Edit before posting: this got so long and I didn’t think it would. I really hope someone reads it and hears me any way.)

I just don’t know how to interact with people. Specifically coworkers and my boyfriend’s friends. (Bc I don’t have any friends lmao and kinda don’t want any anymore.)

I’m diagnosed BPD and CPTSD, and I find myself in the situation of being hyper sensitive/ angry at almost every little thing that people do or say, especially when I don’t really like them. My coworkers are all younger than me, so 18-20 year old girls and they’re gatekeepy and condescending and possibly don’t realize it. I’m trying to establish boundaries and not get to close to them for both the reason that it has caused me a lot of disappointment and conflict in multiple other jobs, and that I really don’t like or relate to these people. I need some advice on boundaries; I try to subtly deflect any questions about me and point the direction of convo to be more about them talking about themselves and me just listening. That seems to work, so far, but when I ask a question to these younger people about the job I’m new at, it backfires and I’m treated like I’m incompetent and stupid. I feel very unwelcomed and kinda pissed so I’m sure my demeanor changes but I try not to go off so I don’t defend myself and that perpetuates the patronizing I HATE.

And on the flip side, I do feel lonely in life, but the moment someone reaches out or I have an opportunity for a connection, I recoil in fear because I’m so untrusting and hurt and I don’t want to be vulnerable. My self worth is so devalued, I almost don’t have any at all. I know this is the CPTSD causing this but it feels like to me I’m manifesting the issue that I’m worthless and unlikeable by being so afraid of it. I just cannot maintain a good mood around anyone ever or even enjoy things that would normally make me happy. So I just don’t know what to do. I want people to like me but I honestly hate people now in this point in my life, after all I’ve been through. And I’m becoming an unlikeable person by consequence of this.
I just wish I wasn’t so afraid and uncomfortable around others.

So maybe, could someone just give me a refresh on some ways to deal with this?