I know all the characteristics of BPD and I have at one point or another had/have them all but 1. I never see myself as the victim. I only ever see myself as the cause of all my problems and the way in which I feel. I allow myself to be treat like shit by others because I am afraid they will leave other wise. I form relationship with people who are emotional or mentally abusive because I feel like that's how I deserve to be treated. I see that I allow myself to become angry when others don't react in the way in which I want them too but I do not try to manipulate the situationor the person so they will either. I allow people to leave me feeling like I am nothing because I feel like I am nothing due to my the choices I have made which I knew would not bring anything positive in the long run. I don't blame anyone for anything and know that I am the only person who is in control of how I feel or don't  feel. I push everyone that really cares and fear just about everything. I am completely ignorant when it come interpersonal  communication and often try to flake on social gathering as a result. I have no idea how allow myself to be loved or how to actually love others. I hurt all the time and I know I am too blame. What hurts the most is hurting the people who love me because I try so hard not too but still do.