So i've been struggling with pretty intrusive thoughts and emotional breakdowns on a semi-monthly basis for the last 5 or 6 years. Some recent examples include "what would happen if i cut myself and bled into my plushy" and "ooo i wonder how big of a splatter a human can make if they jumped off this bridge". The breakdowns happens randomly after i start feeling safe by being alone or the only one awake at night. 

I just have the urge to trauma dump all of my issues to someone but I don't know if that is disrespectful and inconsiderate. I feel like I don't know anything anymore. My father tells me that I should be able to empathize with others but I find it so hard to feel empathy for someone I never met or is not close with. I spend copious amounts of time on the internet and finding more homework for my classes so that I don't have to talk to anyone including my family.

I don't know if this is considered depression since I too scared to ask my parents to take me to one. I'm not sure if i am just being too sensitive or that it is really a mental illness. Please help me. I don't know anything anymore.