Im having delusions and paranoia that I'm either being watched or always having to be protecting myself. I feel as if my friends don't actually like me and they just tolerate me or I'm a burden on them. I feel that the closer we get and the more they get to know me and see the real me they'll back off and see what I see. Which I don't feel deserving of love or worthy of anything. I really dislike myself and a lot of it has to do w my mental health. I am constantly having premeditated (almost) conversations with myself but why can't I just stop thinking for once and talking. It's like there's characters who play people who actually exist in my life for me to talk to when I'm romanticizing certain scenarios in my head. It's hard and it's making me really wanna just disappear. I fear my friends have gotten to close to me and it's a vulnerability I'm struggling to be okay with. I feel like I'm always upsetting people or people just don't like me. It's hard to snap myself out of it and be like these thoughts aren't real so stop thinking them. I hear things sometimes but it's not so much of an issue it's jus kind of there. I jump from subject to subject and have been struggling with organizing my words and thoughts. I feel like I come off as dumb or slow to people but I know I'm intelligent I just struggle to sound like it if that makes sense. Anyways any tips on how to help stop these triggers from affecting me so much?