I'm 25, relatively good looking guy with a bit of chub. I'm extremely insecure about my body. I've had guys be interested in me until they see me shirtless. Every time I've been smitten by a gorgeous guy, it never works out, usually I get ghosted or told they're not interested in me anymore for ambiguous reasons. 

A couple days ago I met someone I like, who has been very flirtatious with me. He's gorgeous. Accompanying the excitement of flirting and feeling liked is a tremendous amount of sadness and fear predicated on an implicit conviction I have in the back of my mind that sooner than later he'll lose interest and I'll be left high and dry. I try spooling out this thread slowly, but whenever I express emotions of attachment or adoration, I feel stupid, vulnerable, and self-defeating. The only thing that has ever seemed to work has been the absolute lightest of interest, playing coy, and being playfully mean. I hate this shit. I hate that whenever I am open and honest (and mind you not *too* open, but absolutely within the realm of normative interest-expressing) I am hurt. Feels like some Grecian gods-curse shit.