I got into a huge argument with my mom bc literally me and my two brothers still live with her and covid/her partner cheating and leaving has made things worse. Anyways, I had an outburst and ended up crying my eyes out and taking off in my car. I turned off my phone. I was really going to do it this time but then I felt really sorry and I felt like this was just going to make me stronger. This morning I woke up ofc feeling very down and depressed. I told nobody what happened, nobody asked. I just told my boyfriend that I almost did it last night and he keeps adding pressure to everything else going on and he doesn't just understand how I'm feeling and it's not his fault but I don't even fucking ever know how to explain myself and how I feel!!! Besides the point, I told him just now and he's mad still bc I told him I don't really feel like I can handle going down to visit his family bc both his mom and older step brother literally hate my guts!!! He says i'm "crazy" but they literally don't like me, they both have on seperate occasions told me that me and my bf aren't a good fit for each other and we love each other but we shouldn't be together bc he (my bf) isn't ready for a relationship??? anyways I told him I almost purposely crashed the car and he said "good, I should go do it rn then". I already know that that's not healthy but I feel like it's pushing me over the edge rn...Literally every single aspect of my life is crumbling to pieces and I can't get a grip. I'm a fucking piece of shit and I literally can't even get myself to end my own life LMAO 😬🙃