Whelp it appears my depression is lifting. I’m not as down and having too
Many negative thoughts. I’m able to laugh again and more frequently which is nice. 

However, this loneliness is bothering me. 

I’m out of a relationship as of late December/Early January and she was my whole social world for 6 months, except for a few online friends who have seem to gotten busy with their real world lives. 

I don’t really have local friends anymore. They’ve really disappeared from my life since 2012 when I had a car accident that has resulted in chronic pain. 

I just don’t know what to do. I find myself just lost. I don’t really have any hobbies besides playing video games. 

I recently started playing guild wars 2 and found a guild to play and talk to a few hours a day. 

I’m not completely isolated but would like to have in person contact again. I feel like I need to get this loneliness under control before I start dating again. 

Not that I think anyone would date a disabled unemployed person. How I had a girlfriend last year boggles my mind. I know I have value in this world but I don’t know what that quite is other than being a good listener/empathizer. 

I guess there are other issues I need to address other than my loneliness like a direction or motivation in life. I currently have none. 

I’m definitely just surviving life right now and not living it. 

Each day I wonder why I am here? Why am I awake? I much prefer to be asleep. 

I find myself crying now  which I wasn’t expecting. 

This is all over the place. I apologize for its large length but If you made it this far thank you for reading my thoughts and feels.