The title kind of says it all. There are things that I want to achieve in this life but I never see them through because most of the time I’m just thinking about how it would be like if I just died one day. Not by killing myself (although I’d be lying if I said that hasn’t crossed my mind) because I wouldn’t want my friends and family to go through that, but by dropping dead  just about anywhere. 

I know these things aren’t mutually exclusive, you can be certain of death and still do something with your life; but for some reason is holds me back. I spend most of my time wishing to be dead, trying to lose weight, watching the same shows over and over again, reading… life is so monotonous and I hate it. Even when I try to do something different I just end up laying awake at night thinking about when it will finally be my turn to rest.

I have a life, too. I have a good relationship with my friends and most of my family. I guess I don’t have a good relationship with myself, with food, with my body, with my sexuality…I have goals and aspirations but at the end of the day I just want to watch tv and eat garbage. I’ve never had a significant other either because I’m too afraid. 

I don’t know what the point of this post is. Guidance maybe. Tips on how to keep going, on how to find motivation or a way for me to be disciplined… please, I just need help.

TLDR: depressed, want to die, need help on how to get up and do something with my life.