4 years of major depression and I can't do it anymore. I tried everything, nothing worked and I am so tired. And I am completely alone, no partner, no kids, no friends, my parents are old and not very healthy and I feel like a huge weight on them, like my misery is contagious. I am not young, and I don't see a way out anymore. I am not able to feel any pleasure, nothing makes me happy anymore, it just unbearable mental pain all the time, there is no vitality in me, I look old and sick and i am very much ashamed of my looks, so i don't go anywhere. I dont know what to do to change the way I feel and to get healthy again. I think I am very close to commiting suicide, I did try once 3 years ago, ended up in hospital for a two months, no one noticed I was gone. Lying in bed for two days straight now just crying, on a sick leave, unable to move, to eat, to shower..