Background: I was diagnosed with Severe Major Depression back in January 2018. Had couple of downfalls, admitted in a hospital twice due to suicidal thoughts. 

Now, I have my own ways to control the suicidal ideologies. However, I keep having scary dreams lately, dreams of which someone is telling me how I am not supposed to be alive, how I am better off dead. I am able to control and not let it take over me unlike the first time I had a scary nightmare. 

I guess my thing right now is, I keep having these terrible body aches, that comes and goes, and when it comes, it's this pain that makes you want to cry, curl up in a corner, wrap my arms around myself and squeeze my entire body until I don't feel that scary body aches, and just feel my arms crushing into my own body. As long I can feel some other type of pain, and not what I keep having right now. It's scary, it hurts so much, that smashing my body on the wall makes it better, makes it tolerable. It's that pain that crawls all over your body, and then later on gets sucked out, leaving me cold and numb and empty.

&amp;#x200B;

YES - I am trying so hard to explain how I am feeling right now, that I had to go through having to explain it to myself first just so I can relay it to anyone that might know how it feels like.

&amp;#x200B;

I just want to know if this is someone had ever experienced before. Before I go to a regular doctor that will just tell me to take pain pills, that it will make it go away. (I had taken pain pills, but I am still suffering)

&amp;#x200B;

Please just shed some light into this. THANK YOU!!!