My mental health has been spotty at best over the past couple months, I think mostly because I felt extremely isolated at school. I felt alone for a good chunk of the semester, and that definitely gave me some serious anxiety and depression. 

This didn't have that much of an impact academically, except in one class. I never really liked it, and I guess I just lost all motivation to keep trying for about two weeks in November. I didn't go to class, didn't do homework, nothing. I snapped out of it afterwards, but I was so far behind that it didn't even matter. 

The night before the exam, in mid-December, I had the worst anxiety attack of my life. I felt horribly, violently sick, I gave myself an awful headache, and I spent the rest of that night just wallowing in my own self-doubt and misery. I was so stressed out that I ended up not even going to the exam at all, just lying in bed hating myself. 

I emailed my prof that afternoon, who basically just told me tough shit. This sounds so, so stupid, but I couldn't bring myself to do anything about it afterwards. I haven't told anyone else, including my parents, just the thought of it makes me feel sick again. And now I have to make a tuition payment by 5 today, but my financial aid is being revoked because of my own fucking stupidity and inability to do anything to help myself. There's also just been a whole lot of family stuff going on, my grandfather passed away last week, and my other grandfather's been having health problems. It's just too much. 

I made so much progress managing my mental health over the past year through counseling (which I'm still doing, but I haven't been able to meet with my counselor in a while), and it literally just took me two weeks for me to fuck it up. I feel like a complete failure. I'm sorry that this is all me rambling, I'm sorry if it doesn't make sense, I'm just so lost and overwhelmed.