    Greetings, about two weeks ago I learnt that my small rural town, well, the region where I live in is the one with highest suicide rates in my country (I will not give any more details because privacy and so) due to the socio-cultural environment, a beautiful place barely populated but heavily depressed it seems.

So I honestly have been really conflicted about how to feel about this, given that I have been suffering from depression for 4 or 5 years (I was diagnosed back in 2018, but the psychology sessions made me feel even worse so I stopped assisting, sadly and for some unexplainable reason the diagnosis was never delivered to me, so basically I have embracing “feeling like this” for years without any kind of treatment, and at this point I am fairly afraid of being treated since I know nothing but this feeling, change is dreadful geez.) 

Anyways, it's pretty conflictive because on one hand I feel relieved that my condition in some way has to do with this socio-cultural environment and not because I was born that “broken” nor my family or life has been *that* problematic, and therefore I know what do I need to do to improve my life; get the f*ck out of here… On the other hand, I am so sad and scared of this, the beautiful valley where I have been my whole life is leading to my mental decline, even if I manage to move out from here I feel like I am tainted by this place, this beautiful valley of suicides. 

This is making me overly reflexive, if I can't even manage to help myself how can I even change a whole region, the place where my family and friends? Am I just waiting to become one of the bunch who took this decision? What kind of things and feelings are stopping me and leading me to do it? Will I be even able to heal once I move out? If I even able to do it. The only thing I am certain about is that I wish I was born somewhere else, as someone different even.

I don't really have anyone to communicate this thoughts to, because caring about mental health seems to be a taboo around my family and I don't want to be a burden to friends so, might as vent a bit over Reddit, any sort of comments about the situation are kindly received. 

By the way, I apologize for any grammar mistakes but english is not my first language :b