I wouldn’t say I’m suicidal but I definitely often think about ending my life to avoid future pain or to stop being so aware of a family member’s pain. I don’t know if this is normal. For example, my dad is someone who has mental health issues (undiagnosed) and he is a very difficult person to deal with but I spend so much time worrying about him to the point where I cry whenever I think about it because I just want him to be happy. I do the same thing when I think about my parents inevitably dying in the future. 
It seems like so much pain to go through if I’m crying about my dad’s situation now.
I’d just like some advice on how to deal with this because sometimes it’s very difficult to handle.