I’ll try to keep this as brief as I can. My mother has BPD and I only know this because my father told me she was in diagnosed &amp; went to therapy when I was very young, I think it lasted a few months before she stopped.

Background:

She emotionally abused and occasionally physically abused my sisters and I during her episodes when we were living with her. We still love her because she is a caring person, but that person is gone at a flip of a switch. Our relationship has been decent in recent years because it is easier to communicate with her and work through her episodes now that she does not have control over us.

Latest incident: 

Without going into too much detail, she had a horrible episode this weekend while on a ski trip at an Airbnb. This resulted in her creating a very scary environment for my sisters and I as well as our significant others and her boyfriend’s adult children. My sister intends to cut her off and the rest of us will ever sleep under the same roof as her ever again. 

It was an awful experience that scared us all. She irrationally believed we all hated her. I also had a private moment with her boyfriend before he left and he told me she has physically abused him during an episode.

Next steps:

How can I best approach her on the topic of treatment / therapy? She has apologized to me for emotional abuse in the past, but shows no sign of recognizing irrational behavior in this situation. More than anything I feel sad for my mother and every person in this situation. I know she truly feels these awful feelings that make her act so impulsively and recklessly. 

I am thinking of meeting her in a public place on Saturday to talk. I’ve read online that it’s important to allow her to talk and listen to her feelings and perception. When I respond, I want to help her realize how much she hurt us.

How can I help her to recognize this is a problem that needs to be treated? What can I say to her? If she doesn’t seek some avenue of help I don’t think I can continue our relationship, and that breaks my heart.

TLDR - Mother has BPD, hasn’t sought treatment in the past 20 years. I want advice on how to help her recognize the problem and seek treatment.



