I've done nothing since then but make an embarrassment of myself. My ex thinks I'm a joke and a loser. I have no connections with anyone on this earth. I just want it over with. Now I have to clock into a wagie job providing customer service for a bunch of other trash shitty people I don't care about. I hate banking. I hate myself. I hate my ex. I truly wish I could find God but everytime he wakes me up in the morning I curse his name. I wish things could've been different but it's my own fault I'm here. Time to clock in, take calls, ramble to myself, take a lunch, pace around my room like a schizo, clock back in, work till dusk, clock out jerk off, lay in bed, play skyrim, eat an edible and repeat. I'm a good for nothing man-child. I literally have the noose tied in my closet. I'm pleading for the courage to use it. No more empty threats and no more crying.