I get really ashamed because when I'm in public I get overwhelmed and to many noises and people turn me into a raging monster. 


I'll swear and yell at strangers sometimes before storming off into a corner crying and trying to get away feeling like I'm trapped. Sometimes pulling my hair or banging my head if I am near a wall. Just basically embarrass myself completely. And I get so scared I will end up online somewhere being cyberbullied to the extreme because someone one day decides to record me and post it online
 Who honestly knows this day and age. But I know they wouldn't understand the back story or why this happens to me. I'm just really jealous of everyone who can look so composed when going through so much. I've been in threapy 10 years and my medication just makes me feel like a zombie. When I have panic attacks in public nothing can prevent it from being displayed. I can't help but feel ashamed afterwards
..