I am tempted to make a list of every person with whom I've had a black and white relationship. Friends, teachers, family members...eventually it all ends badly. I imagine hell would be a court room where they all testify against me. I love people, try to be friendly and kind, but it always gets shitty because at my core I'm shitty.

Would such a list be therapeutic or destructive? Maybe I could burn it or maybe use it to look for patterns.

I wish I had friends. I'm just floating into nothingness.