For as long as I can remember, I have never been genuinely happy. (21F) My smiles were always faked, and I always had to put on an act because my asian parents don't believe in depression, and if I showed even a hint of sadness around them I'd get yelled at for it. A year ago, I started antidepressants behind my parents back and I now feel like a robot that has to rely on a tiny little pill to numb my feelings. And there are days where it doesn't even help, I just cry myself to sleep every night. My depression branched from my parents, and has now impacted other parts of my life (school, work, friendships, relationships). I have no friends because no one understands where I'm coming from because they all have their perfect life. My relationships always fail because my issues always get in the way. Not to mention my dad always tries and destroys any relationship I make. I still try to get good grades in school because that's the only thing I have going for me. I got accepted into graduate school recently, and will be moving in a few months. The day I found out I finally smiled a real smile but it all got ruined because today my dad told me I will not go far in life. Everything I do is not enough, and I am never appreciated. Like why am I still here when my own parent doesn't even think my accomplishments are enough? Any advice on how to deal with toxic parents besides dying?... I know I will escape from all of this in a few months, but a part of me doesn't even want to be here for that much longer. :(