And it’s going shit lol. It’s been 2 weeks, the first week was pretty okay but the past week has been hell. Every day I seem to have another BPD episode and the other day I tried to break up with him because he got drunk and didn’t answer his phone until the next morning so I blocked him on everything because I felt so abandoned. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped eating, I downed as many alcoholic drinks as I could. I keep getting more and more paranoid that he’s going to abandon me. I’m scared of emotional abandonment more than anything so when he doesn’t respond to my texts fast enough I freak out and try and push him away to stop the pain and I’ve said some horrible things that I didn’t mean just to push him away when in reality, of course all I wanted was him to stay...stupid BPD. I’m so depressed at the moment, I can’t even do simple tasks like get dressed, it takes me all day.  I feel like I am nothing without him. I feel angry towards myself and guilty for my lack of control and I just don’t want to talk to my boyfriend anymore because I’m sick of hurting him but at the same time I’ll freak out even more if I take space from him ugh, I hate this. Why can’t I be a separate person from him, my entire identity is defined by my relationship. I’m trying so hard to make this relationship healthy but my emotions always get the better of me 😞, I just don’t want to lose him 😞.  