Currently feeling like shit and wanting to hurt myself so i'm venting.

Whenever i get into a new environment, i latch onto whatever man is nice and gives me attention first.  I've been working with him for about a year, we've hung out irl several times and we joke around a lot, and on the flip side i'm always pretty unsure about whether he's sarcastic with certain things and he never responds to my texts (then later at work says getting memes from me is the best part of his day?)
He got the virus about 2 weeks ago so he hasnt been in and never texted me once aside from telling me today that he's leaving (and didnt respond to me asking where he's going next) and anyway, ive been getting attached to another male coworker and he is more immature but i don't have any paranoia about him liking me.  FP was supposed to be back this week and when he told me he quit, i rapidly cycled through all the grief stages and now i've returned back to anger and i'm internally kicking and screaming and want to break my 27 days clean of cutting.  So that's why i needed to vent here.
What pisses me off even more is i was in the psych ward a month ago and got attached to one of the other male patients and i made clear in group therapy that i latch onto men and have bpd, and when i got discharged i was put in a group chat w some of the other patients.  I hung out with the guy once (i'm certain he was fully aware of the whole deal) and we planned to hang out again but i got caught up in personal projects and wanted to be alone so i ghosted everyone.  So i just feel alone right now but i'll be over it in a day or two.