For a long time I've just been going about my life purposely developing habits that will fuck up my mental health, such as drugs, overdosing, self harm, bulimia, etc. I put myself into emotionally abusive and stressful relationships hoping that I will come out crazier then when I started. Recently my therapist found out about everything and I've been getting some support from my family (which I really do appreciate the effort) and I've started getting a little better and more stable. But, the problem is, I don't like feeling like I'm getting better, I want to hurt, I want to go mad, I want to fuck my mind up. It feels so unnatural not to be depressed or hurting and it's stressing me out like nothing before.