I wanted to make this post as I’ve been struggling pretty bad lately after weaning off Paroxetine a few months ago, and I wanted to see what others’ experiences/thoughts are about being on an SSRI, possibly long-term.

I started taking Paroxetine when I was around 16 years old, for depression. Looking back now I probably didn’t need to go on it at the time, but my parents and doctor thought it was the right move. I stayed on the medication all the way until I was about 19, at which point I decided I was doing much better and probably didn’t need them. What followed after was a period of severe anxiety, depression, and OCD (intrusive thoughts/constant checking). I then went through a period where I went back on the drug, then off, and then finally back on at the age of 22. From 22-24 I stayed on it and honestly, I was doing extremely well. I was very healthy, both mentally and physically. I partook in many hobbies outside of work, began to socialize more, worked out quite a bit, and felt genuinely well.

A few months ago I thought again about how I didn’t want to be reliant on a drug anymore, especially since I don’t know the long term effects. I was doing pretty good at the time in life, so I decided to talk with my doctor and safely weaned off. What followed has (once again) been one of the most mentally exhausting periods of my life. I’ve had mood-swings, severe depression and anxiety, no motivation, and my OCD checking rituals have come back in full force, making it extremely difficult to go about everyday life. 

At this point I really don’t know what to do. I try other things to help like CBD, herbs, yoga, and more however, these things only seem to help temporarily before I am right back where I was an hour or two prior. I would like to start therapy, but my insurance doesn’t kick in for a couple more months and even then I am very nervous I won’t be able to keep affording to go after the bills start rolling in.

I want to get back on the medication at this point, but I also don’t want to just be doing it because it’s “easy”. There are of course cons to getting back on, including emotional numbness (which at this point doesn’t sound so bad), extremely low libido, withdrawal symptoms if I forget to take a pill, and worst of all: the long term side effects that no one seems to know too much about yet. 

Going back on the medication almost feels like I’m giving up, but nothing else seems to make life feel livable. I just keep thinking about how significantly better I was doing 4 months ago, and it makes me yearn for those days again deeply. 

I guess I’m just looking to see if anyone else has had a similar experience, or if anyone has any opinions on my story. Is it really just as “simple” as a chemical imbalance in my brain and I need medication to function properly?

Thanks for any feedback.