TW: Mention of self harm. I was doing so well in therapy and doing such a great job managing my self hatred, trauma, and social anxiety. I'm autistic/ADHD and I sometimes really struggle with simple things that it seems like everyone else has an easy time doing, and it makes me feel really bad about myself. This last weekend at work was really stressful for me and I had a pretty bad SH relapse at work, and I can't really stop. Things are getting really, really bad. I'm uncontrollably crying at random times throughout the day, I'm still going for walks and doing my basic mental health things but I'm just so mad that I can't do more. I'm convinced everyone hates me (even though I know that isn't true) and every time I do something wrong I just convince myself its further proof that everyone helps me. I feel so fragile and I just want to sob and have people tell me they love me and that it's all gonna be ok but I know that won't help anything. I feel like reaching out for help is just me trying to manipulate people into my own game of self hatred. I've been to the psych hospital and it was exceptionally unhelpful, as have the crisis lines. I need help, I just don't know how to ask for it.