A small background about me: I'm 26 and I just finished grad school. I'm engaged to my high-school girlfriend and I have a very loving parents. A third person looking at my life may feel that I have everything that one could possibly as for and there should be no reason for me to be depressed, but I know the battles that i'm fighting everyday. I'm not sure if what I have is mild or severe depression but I certainly don't feel happy anymore.

Two years back, there were some financial hardships in my family when my dad's health had deteriorated. At the same time, I had a rough phase with my girlfriend too. That impacted my job and I was not able to give my 100% at the job. As a result, I had some bad performance at job. All these lasted for few months. Somehow, i believe those were the events that impacted me severely and I started feeling depressed. I have been sleep deprived for over 3 years now. I had caught the habit of excessive masturbation and eating a lot of junk and crazy amount of caffeine. 

I don't know if there was a specific thing that triggered depression me or not but everything described in the above paragraph has brought me in the situation I'm in right now. I just finished my masters but I don't feel like any achievement. I am having trouble learning new skills. I can't remember stuffs. I have become so incompetent in almost everything that people around may feel that I'm dumb. I have no focus in my studies/work and I feel tired all the time. Everything that used to excite me before seems bland to me. I just feel I will never be able to give happiness to my family ever again because of my incompetence. I do get suiscidal thoughts but just the faces of my loved ones stops me from doing that. 

My depression is getting worse because of my incompetence. Everyday feels like a challenge and every night I sleep , I just wish I never woke up.

I desperately need help getting out of this. Can someone please help me?