I have BPD: Lately, and very often I have found myself in a difficult position. I am still finding it difficult to justify suicide for myself. As in I know that my pain will stop if i just slit my wrists. However, i know that the "pain" it will cause others/my family will just be traumatic for them. I on the otherhand whenever a family member or a close friend has died i just sigh, and to myself i say "i envy you". 

I am not seeking help, because i am beyond help, and even when people have tried helping me... i dont want help. I just want the pain to end.