Hey guys, feeling really sad and discouraged. I feel like I just got back on my feet again after my last manic episode and now I'm in a mixed episode. Haven't been able to get any work done the past few weeks. Nonstop anxiety, bursts of irritability and outbursts and vengefulness, and one day I can't sleep, then three or four days I sleep for 11 hours a night and can't get myself to brush my teeth. Tried waxing for the first time, wrote a bunch of smut and decided to start an onlyfans, which is of course hilarious in retrospect. Peak manic pixie dream girl energy and then the next day I am an immobile lump. My partner is feeling more and more like a caretaker and I hate that I'm turning his life into this and I feel like I'm barely even a human being.

Am especially disappointed about work. I'm so, so behind, and people are waiting on me to the extent that projects are delayed, and the pressure is just making it harder. I'm so, so ashamed. I seem like a lazy disorganized unreliable mess. Wouldn't even blame people for leaving me behind.

Met with my psychiatrist today and we're adding a low dose of abilify to my lamotrigine and maybe that will help. I'm nervous but hopeful. Really wanted/want to get to a point where I'm not even thinking about the bipolar but it keeps running my life.

Anyway, tell me some nice things and encouraging things if you have any &lt;3