For most of my childhood and early adulthood, I had been judged, misunderstood, abused, and left hanging due to a bunch of unfortunate circumstances. 

My life didn't turn around until I went out of my way to become more caring for others. Literally, everyone I know (except for my FP *cries*) would go "if you don't like available-job, you are probably an asshole."  After my diagnosis, I wonder if this was something I subconsciously did to "save myself" from BPD-related trauma - if I am super nice and caring to everyone, I am doing all I can to reduce negative responses and increase the validation that I need to get me going.

Even before the diagnosis, I always question my motive for being so nice to everyone, but I always end up telling myself "whatever the motive is, at least others are benefitting from my niceness." I never seriously question it again until now.