Hi. 

I’ve been having intrusive thoughts lately about how I *must* be a bad person.

I’ve made mistakes, of course. I try to be aware of the less-than-great things I’ve done in life and be better, and to recognize that I don’t act maliciously or with ill intent. But I keep holding myself to some huge standard that when I do something wrong it must be much worse than other people who make similar mistakes. I don’t want to claim to be a saint, just to accept that I am decent enough and have value.

Then there are the ‘phantom’ issues, where I’ve convinced myself that I’ve done something horrible. I’ll ask the person who would be affected if I have done something wrong and they’ll tell me no. Then I’ll ask my therapist and she will tell me I’ve done nothing wrong and should believe the other party. But I can’t seem to convince myself to accept my own innocence even if I logically understand I’m being irrational.

I’ve been prone to catastrophizing for a while now and I believe I was gaslit in my previous relationship, so I’m used to questioning reality in a way that’s stacked against me. How do I convince myself I’m not a bad person?