I really need someone to care about me so that I feel I matter in this world the least bit, but apparently every date or relationship turns out to be a great failure. Until 25 I only had 2 short relationships and that was mostly because I tried so hard for them, the partners didn't feel like being together with me. I feel I'm constantly being tested, I have to be amazing from every point of view, I just can't be myself because whenever I am, I am dumped or rejected. 

Just today the girl I was dating texted me she doesn't see us fit together and it's better to stop seeing each other. I asked for feedback and she replied she doesn't get too intimate (kissing, hugs) from the first dates and generally loves more mature men than me. Had I not kissed her, the relationship would've turned into a friendzone. I know that. It's always like this. I either jump into a toxic relationship where I'm the only one who cares or just friendzoned after a while. 

I can't take it any more at this point, dating is too painful to the point I'm losing all motivation to live. It's not the rejection itself, it's the thought nobody ever loved me and probably never will. 

I am living by myself and I'm just a lonely person most of the time but loneliness has its limits. Even as an introvert, I sometimes desire the company of others. When I go out of my way to meet someone, this is what happens. I spent time, money, energy on this without any luck and all I got in return was breaking my will to live.