i just graduated college with a 4.0. i took the medical school entrance exam (mcat) and scored in the top 1% and was thinking about applying for medical school next year. I am in the process of getting a job in the city and an apartment. My parents support me financially. i am objectively at least average looking. i don’t have many friends but i have six solid friends. and i am on/off dating someone. on paper i have everything i should want. and yet i feel so deeply sad. no matter how hard i try to hide how depressed i am i can’t. most days i literally can’t get out of bed. i don’t feel like myself around anyone and just want to isolate myself. i think about how nothing i do ever seems to be enough to fill this painful void or when i compare myself to others. i eat, sleep, exercise, stay away from alcohol, journal, read, take my medication, do therapy, spend time with people who care about me and YET AND YET i am still in so much pain. is this it? is depression just this perpetual pain that i will have forever no matter what i do, who i am with, and where i am. i wake up every morning at the bottom of the ocean and spend each day desperately trying to swim upwards and i don’t know how much longer i will have the energy.