So… I’m sitting here as I have been for the last two hours in silence. I haven’t felt like anything. Numb maybe? Like every day is the same as the last just struggling to float forever. I’m lonely but I don’t want anyone around. I miss… I don’t even know but I just have this feeling of missing some thing. I’m longing for some thing I don’t even know. I want to move but my body stay still, I hope myself up and tell myself I’ll feel better if I go but my body replies with you’re unreasonably exhausted remember? I say constantly to release frustration, or disappointment rather. Disappointment of myself for feeling so low, disappointment because I know I can be better, but I can’t? I can’t, I can’t pull myself up to see over the stitch, I know that it’s there but I’m too weak to get myself up there. I tell myself, just get some rest and you’ll be good, but I rest and a week and I’m still exhausted. I want to lay down but I don’t want to be by myself, I don’t want days to just pass. I want to feel. Why don’t I feel anything? I’m not happy… But I’m not sad either… I’m just existing. I’m bored but I don’t wanna do anything, I’m more like nothing I do entertains me. Study say I should exercise, but my body makes me feel like I can’t do that, those people are stupid. But I know I need to get up I need to do something even though my mind tells me to sleep. I can’t stay down here forever, it’s been months now, I hate it. I have to force myself out, do it even though I’m begging myself to just stay there and lay down. I want out, and no one can get me out except myself. I didn’t realize how stuck I was until I wrote it out, like quicksand the more I moved the deeper I went. I know you’ve been tired as my crutch, but I don’t want it anymore. I want to be better because I know that I can. I will prove myself wrong. I refuse to stay down here, I am going to get myself out however long it takes. If I’ve been here this long, a little longer won’t kill me. I won’t see the difference until it’s done, so I won’t give up because I know I’m getting there. This is step one. Now just watch me.