I am so overwhelmed. Feel like something is wrong with my body all the time I could literally feel like my body or eye twitch and think I’m gonna have a seizure or die . From ages 14-17 I attempted suicide and overdosed 9 times and had to be be in the icu . It was on pills each time , and I never blacked out i remember how I felt my first overdose. Which was also my worst one ☝️ it was a very uncomfortable feeling I couldn’t speak , I walked very funny things were very off . Now at 22 I’m scared to take pills , the hospital tried giving me Tylenol but didn’t open it in front of me so I was scared to take it . Thought they were gonna try to kill me . Also all of my overdoses was at night time and also my sexual abuse by my father from 10-13 so automatically as soon as it gets dark now I’m not ok . I feel the best in the mornings and I wish it was like that all day . My anxiety is so intense that I check my blood pressure at least 4 times a day or any time I’m having anxiety and get the thought of dying in my head . I also use an oximeter to make sure I’m breathing even tho I am . That one does comfort me at times tho but I got picked at by sum old friends about this and it hurt me . I wish I felt like them , I wish I was ok . It gets 10 times worse one week before my period . I get a check bc I can’t hold a job or even function. I end up in a mental hospital Atleast once every month!. I know I’m saying some personal things but I’m ok with that . . Anyway this is not where I expected to be at 22 I’m not happy and truly believe this will not change . I’ve been on every medicine . Someone mentioned dbt or some other kind of therapy I’m not sure might try but ughh I feel so alone . Like can anyone feel worse than this ? Because this is just bad . I’m in an episode currently so my paragraph is all over the place sorry . Someone just talk to me if u don’t mind .