I wasn't sure if i should share this, the last time I tried posting a bit someone told me to stop whining because it was a tribal and rather unimportant thing, and that i shouldn't complain. But I'm feeling really frustrated so I'm gonna try again.

Unfortunately im afraid of explaining too much, since I've talked about this a lot to people i know and i wouldn't want someone i know to read anything i post.
Basically, things have been going really bad for me, profesional wise, for the last 4 years I've been in college in a...degree? (I'm not American no im not sure how to call it) that i didn't actually like, for some reasons i had to pic that degree (career, professional path) but after all this time, what i was intending to do never came to be, so i had to choose whether to continue in a career i didn't like or switch and basically start from scratch, i chose to change it and now I'm a med student, my  feelings of frustration stem from the many risks that I took with zero reward (rather i got punished) wasting 4 years of college has made me feel deeply frustrated, to that add the fact that everything, literally everything i have tried to make up for the time lost has not worked, right now i wasn't even able to enter this semester because of many troubles I've had with registrations and other stuff. There are other things in my life that make me want to stop living, I'm so mad at life tbh, for a really long time, since 11th grade actually, I've been feeling really down and hardly enjoy anything i do, so all these feelings of sadness, frustration, anger have been building up, now a days I'm always really grumpy and mad, ive been feeling easily annoyed and overall with little to no desire to do anything, the things i used to enjoy i don't like them anymore, i feel like I'm living in autopilot, but it's not even like i want to live anyway, this is a topic i haven't touched before so I'm not sure what i want to express with this, maybe not much other than vent...