Showering and brushing teeth/hair takes a serious effort. Talking with people is incredibly difficult. I'm so ashamed of the point I let myself hit that I don't deserve to get better, this feels like it's never going to end. Just had to drop my psych because I'm not comfortable working with a male doctor after recent events and my new provider isn't available till the end of July. I was doing so much better for a few years and it feels like all of that was for nothing. Even typing takes effort. My language skills have gone down significantly from my brain feeling like syrup. This isn't living anymore, this isn't even close to baseline. I want to cry but emotion won't come. Sorry to vent but this is a new kind of hell.