I’ve had a long history of turbulent relationships that almost all end with a catastrophic breakup. I always get dumped because no one can handle me. 

I’d like to think I’ve matured a lot since my teen years when my BPD first reared it’s ugly head, and at 26, I’m coming out of the most serious relationship I ever have had. Also the longest. This is our second time breaking up and it’s just been the most traumatic thing I have ever gone through. From the way my ex talked to me, to me finding out he slept with someone that I was always suspicious of and him telling me I was crazy and not to worry...it ended in terrible flames.

We tried to be friends but as soon as I found out about this girl I completely lost my mind, and it feels like my heart has been ripped to shreds. I truly don’t have any interest in dating after this, it’s so messy and I never want to go through this again. When I was 19/20 I didn’t care and just wanted a boyfriend. But now, I have a giant fear of getting close to anyone ever again.

Having BPD I feel like a lot of us seek that role of someone to be our significant other because we have a fear of being alone, that was it for me a lot of the time. I truly did love this man, but he treated me terribly. I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with him.

Is there anyone out there who has managed to live a successful life as a single person? Just warding off any type of relationship? I get attracted quickly and fall fast, but I am really trying to just keep to myself and I don’t see myself dating for many many years after this.

Is that even possible? Can I be happy single? Do you need a significant other to be complete? It sure seems that way...

Any advice is welcome and thanks for reading.