i was prescribed ativan to take just in case i was having a panic attack. only 8 little 0.5 ones to dissolve.

so i was just spiraling really bad. i was sitting in my hopelessness and anxious writing and lightly crying, but i felt the panic progressively approaching, so without thinking i took one of my ativans. it was impulsive. but i feel really guilty. i dont know if i was really going to have one of my panic attack or not. it felt like it was just impulsivity, which i struggle with as a result of very severe adhd which is also whats causing me to dwell on this so much. ANYWAYS... i immediately dumped them down the toilet because i dont want to get addicted. it just feels like my anxiety isnt anxiety enough to be treated with something like this. thats why i hadnt taken them yet despite being prescribed a month ago. i struggle with these big spouts of hopeless panic. ive gone to the emergency room a few times thinking i needed to check myself in before realizing i was just having another panic attack....... so my judgement isnt good. ok i think its hitting as i write this and im losing my train of thought.

&amp;#x200B;

my point is: i think i need validation and im also just venting so dont worry too much. my imposter syndrome is really bad and i need constant reminders that i have very severe mental illnesses and i just dont want to feel guilty for one night!!!!!!!!!