TL;DR - I found old pics my girlfriend made for a boyfriend before me and had a panic attack and flashbacks to her breaking up with me years ago and my mom dying. 

I hate the phrase "trigger" because of tumblr, but I'm starting to accept that that is a real thing for us...

My girlfriend and I met online nearly 10 years ago. We 'dated' long distance as teenagers for about two years until a boy that she went to school with showed interest in her. She dumped me and told me she "didn't need [me] anymore". A couple weeks later my mom died. It was probably the most painful time of my life. 

We moved on, I got married, had a kid. She dated a few guys here and there. I ended up getting a divorce last year and moved near the girlfriend for work. We started dating for real. Its been a year now. 

Last night, she left her email open on my computer. I went through her sent box from years ago to find some messages that her and I sent back and forth from back then to see how far we've come. I accidentally found pictures she had made for her boyfriend before me. 

I had a really negative reaction to it. It broke my heart. It was like I had found a sex tape or something. I was so mad at myself for finding it. I wanted to kill him for ever dating her. I told her because I felt so bad about it. She got mad at me for caring about it. Like it was no big deal. I know it was years ago and before me, but I still can't get over it. It fucking bothers me and its my right to be bothered by it. All I did was ask her to delete them. A simple request that shouldn't have had any conflict, but she didn't think it was necessary since it was so long ago. Like my feelings about their fucking existence were irrelevant. She stopped talking to me for the night and I cried myself to sleep. I cried in my sleep, I had dreams about her telling me she didn't need me anymore. I was late for work because I couldn't stop crying. I've done nothing at work but stare at my screen and keep myself from breaking down. 

There's more that is bothering me but I know this isn't /r/relationships 

I had the third worst panic attack of my life last night because all I could feel was her telling me she didn't need me. The pain of losing her. Losing my mother. And my anger and panic and sadness made her angry with me and i feel like i ruined everything

edit: we've stopped fighting but its still bothering me. a lot. ive seen people die and remembering the sight of it never bothered me as much as remembering the sight of her like that. i start crying whenever i think of it. am i seriously the only person that dislikes the thought of someone they love ever having sex with someone else this much?