Preface: not officially diagnosed but a causal diagnosis from a former therapist agreed with my self diagnosis. I’ve had every single negative thought I have about myself explained through the diagnostic questions for BPD. I can’t get any official help until I actually get that formal diagnosis and the lack of support is destroying me. 

There’s a lot of problems that I need to overcome and get help for with BPD. Alcohol abuse is one of them, but we’ll deal with that one eventually. But the combination of binge eating and impulsive spending is destroying my life and I can’t escape that cycle. I’ve been trying for a year, I can’t do a thing and I need and tips I can get. 

In the past week alone (granted, very bad depression week), I’ve spent easily over £100 on takeaways/takeout. I think I’ve ordered 7 or 8 this week. Any time I’m feeling down, that thought will appear of “Order some food” and it’s like an itch. I can ignore it for a little bit but it doesn’t go away, it persists until I scratch it and finally order something. It’s never a nice process pressing “Confirm delivery”, it definitely contributes to the depression cycle. Pressing that button, knowing I don’t want to do it but feeling helpless and feeling like there’s nothing else to do but press it. 

I’ve got a fully stocked fridge. I’ve got no money, I’m burning through the money I’m meant to be using for rent. Budget? Been using one for years, it’s detailed and automated. Nothing helps. Not a single thing. I understand every behaviour, every trigger. I know where it all comes from and what’ll cause it. But stopping it, ignoring it? I can’t do it. 

Literally anything, any tip or help at all, I’ll appreciate and take at this point