I’m tired and I don’t want to keep going. My life has been a rollercoaster that I want off of. My symptoms started getting unmanageable in the last year, and I booked an appointment to see a psychiatrist a few months ago. I am now in CBT and I will start DBT soon, I am taking Prozac as well. My therapist thinks I have BPD, and I am sure that she is right. I met 8 out of 9 criteria for it. Hearing her read off the DSM-5 seemed almost magical, because I was never able to describe what I have been experiencing before. After a lifetime of fighting with myself and my emotions I am glad to have answers, but I want to FEEL better. I feel very alone, and I feel trapped in my own head. Ive practically isolated myself, and I feel totally disconnected from reality. I don’t trust people and I don’t think they can understand how I feel. I crave relationships with others, but continue to find myself dissatisfied with the outcome of them and isolating myself further. I am cycling through feelings so quickly most of the time now that I can’t process how I am feeling and I become confused, and more often than not this results in a panic attack. These panic attacks feel like I am going insane. I feel like relief can only be achieved while sleeping or getting high, and I spend all of my time doing those two things. I want to be productive and functioning again. I just wish I could turn my brain off. I wish I could see my therapist sooner. I wish I could make faster progress. I just want it to be over. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of being alone. 