i love my boyfriend so much. hes the only person ive ever been with that has made me feel unconditionally loved and supported.

hes been very understanding of bpd since i told him i thought i had it. if i have a meltdown or get extremely overwhelmed with sadness he’ll be there for me and comfort me. 

but…. i dont think he understands bpd? i dont know if hes ever even googled it. probably, but like, has he actually looked into it? more than just symptoms or traits. actually experiences ppl have. how it feels to have bpd.

i have a really hard time talking about bpd bc it makes me really emotional and ill get triggered and just lose control and sadness takes over. most of the time i cant go in depth about my feelings or why i feel them bc if i do ill be feeling super shitty and its hard to snap back from it. ive tried explaining bpd and how i feel/the mood swings/fear of abandonment/etc but i wish he would join this subreddit and just… take it in?? 

i just want to be able to be angry and express anger (not to him, just out loud) without him getting startled or asking me to lower my voice bc of the neighbors. or for him to understand that me splitting when im angry at him doesnt mean i dont value our relationship or him, its not a personal thing, im just expressing emotions the only way i know how to.

im terrified to ask him if hes ever done research on it because ill be crushed if he says no. i dont want it to come cross like im demanding he understands bpd so i can “get a pass” to be overwhelming emotional. im also scared that hes going to find something online or a book thats going to make him think im this calculated, manipulative emotional vampire. 

i think it might be too much to ask for someone who doesnt have bpd to understand what its like i just wish he had more tools to support me in different ways. has anyone experienced anything like this????? help!!!!!