this sounds weird but i'm a man in my 20s and recently i've been taking too many of my meds so i've ran out and my mood is all over the place but this has happened all through my adult life. my mum found childhood soft toys of mine and wanted to clear them out and i couldn't let go of any of them.

i've been crying all night because of my depressive mood and i went and grabbed one of the soft toys and i've been crying to it and apologising to it and remembering every negative moment of my childhood like pets dying, lost toys, being disciplined by teachers, feeling weird and unloved and outcasted, fighting, more serious things that happened in my childhood, hearing bird noises i'd hear when i was at my grandparent's house when they were alive, smelling different plants because i used to be outdoors constantly as a kid (i'm now an adult who's scared to leave his bedroom)

i thought about ending my life and then thought about those toys and how they were given to a young me who never hhshouldve been like this
i don't know what's happening to me