english is not my first language so please bear with me , i am male age 33 , no siblings 

high school 10 grades which is the standard in my country , i didnt go through college neither a university .

adopted through a shelter .

long story short , i went through domestic abuse by my dad  , childhood trauma 

sexually molested  over 10 times , drugged through needles multiple times could be heroin i dont exactly know because i was a kid , over 15 concussions literally the perpetrators hitting me with a cricket bat , 

shockingly my dad got the culprits in jail .

adulthood overdosed on ativan pills which gave me dystonia whenever i was on psyc meds i had them ,starved myself to death ,  drugged 14 times with being hospitilized probably psychosis with biploar epidsodes , got ECT THERAPY 15 times which was devastating for me , 

continuous suicidal thoughts . my mom does not give a shit about me . i live in an underdeveloped country where there's lack of awareness ignorance no help for victims of pedophilia .

psychiatrist , psychotherapist , psychologist are just a part of a mafia culture here 

my only cope is video games atm , no job , no skills , sitting on the internet for more than 14 hours a day , i cant afford doctors , international visits even though i have my mothers family in the states but of no use , theres is no help i can seek , i am helpless .

my life is filled with mental disorders , i just dont know how i am going through this 

what did i do wrong , i cry sometimes . i have no hope left , i never had a loved one 

i had friends i wish them good luck , i am a dead person , i have no other choice than to isolate myself , i got shocked when i read about my symptoms on the internet 

i went through hell and darkness .

anyone going through severe mental illness i wish you all the best with whatever i have left .

i would be happy to see responses .