I’ve been trying so hard to keep the pain from coming back that sometimes it feels like I don’t even know who I am anymore. 

The frustrating part is that despite my best effort, it will always come back. I will keep breaking, failing, drowning like I’m in some sort of twisted loop. 

I can’t shake the feeling of pure dread I’ve had these last couple days. I feel a depressive episode coming and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. I’m so scared of it that I feel like crying. 

There’s so much that I don’t know how to sum up neatly in a Reddit post and I don’t know if I’m making any sense at all but regardless, it’s good to get it out. Just feeling heard can be it’s own form of catharsis. 

And, hey, if there’s any sort of silver lining, any minute now, when the depressive episode hits full force, there’s a group of strangers on Reddit who know what it’s like