I (F21) have struggled with BPD since I was 14 years old. Over the years, it became manageable through the use of DBT therapy and medication. I felt very comfortable and felt like my BPD didn't really pose much of a threat to me anymore so I continued living my life without consciously practicing my coping skills I learned in therapy, and have now forgotten them. 

After many years of unhealthy relationships, I finally am in a healthy relationship with the most loving, kind, understanding, and supportive man I've ever met. He treats me so well and has shown me what it's like to be truly loved. He knows about all of my mental health history and reminds me that he's always here for me and that I'm never a burden, he wants to listen and help however he can. 

Despite knowing how much he loves me and him frequently reminding me of how important I am to him, I still struggle with anxious attachment and a lot of idealization/devaluation (splitting). 

In terms of anxious attachment, I get severely depressed if he doesn't ask me to hang out or doesn't answer my snaps "fast enough". I create the expectation in my head that he will ask me to hang out and when he doesn't (because he can't read my mind and because we realistically cannot hang out every single day), I spiral into a depressive and irritable state. I start convincing myself that he doesn't love me anymore, that he's sick of me, that I'm a burden, that he's ignoring me on purpose, and I almost make myself angry at him and consider giving him the cold shoulder to protect myself from the perceived rejection. 

In terms of idealization/devaluation, one moment I'm obsessed with my boyfriend and am awestruck by how perfect he is, and the next moment I'm upset with him for something minor like him putting earbuds in on a long car ride (I assume he's trying to block me out and that he hates me). Then I realize how ridiculous I sound for thinking that way and begin spiraling into a depression thinking about how horrible I am, how he would be better off without me, and how I will never be able to treat him as well as he deserves. 

I know this is a long post and I'm sorry, I'm trying to get into therapy but there's not a lot of options around me and I'm on waiting lists at the moment. Do you guys have any tips on how to combat these thoughts and any coping skills you would suggest?