Hi all,

First i just wanna say thanks to the people on this sub who take the time read all these paragraphs and then take the time to share their advice, care and comforting words. 

Now for what i have to say.

Usually something like this is completely out of character for me to do I’ve never seeked professional help, reached out to close friends or even family. But i’ve come to the point where i fear things wont get better mentally. I don’t think i suffer from depression purely cause the mentality i’ve lived with till now has been “Im not depressed, cause be happy” I just simply refuse to believe because I don’t want to blame my emotions on a mental disease. I’ve previously dealt with suicidal thoughts which i got throw on my own as well. I got through it myself by basically setting short terms goals for myself and then my grand goal (making my mum proud of me). With that said i still have suicidal thoughts every once and a while but they’re nothing more than thoughts i don’t act on them and i usually can distract myself either by music, games or work. I somewhat recently have made a huge step in my life towards my grand goal. I’ve got a well paid job and glowing career ahead of me as long as in keep working i guess. But this is where my problem begins, Im 19 and I’ve been working in IT for about 6 months now already had a promotion pay rise and my mangers have expressed their interest in developing me in more specialised roles. But 6 months of 40hr weeks is just making me think is this all life is, I don’t know how i feel about doing this for the rest of my life. I like my career it’s not a problem of my job i just don’t like what life has to offer so far. I feel like i could say alot more but I dont wanna waste my time and your time with paragraphs. I haven’t shared any of my Trauma purely cause of privacy but im happy to share my life story in dm’s just not publicly.

Again thank you.