I avoid relationships and intimacy because I don't like the way that I behave towards people (Drunkenly yelling, showing up uninvited, and threatening self harm). I care a lot about living a healthy normal life and am an incredibly hard worker so avoiding relationships has served as a necessary means of self preservation in order to succeed in my career. After almost two years of completing avoiding dating (because my obsessive thoughts overwhelm me) I decided to try again.

I met up with a girl. The feeling of attraction after so long was too much. We almost immediately had sex. The incident sent me into an absolute tail spin. She definitely is not interested beyond our brief meetup. I am so worried that it is only a matter of time before I abruptly freak out at her and only worsen the situation. I've been good so far but also sad that I'll never ever be able to develop a healthy attachment towards anyone. What can I do to take my mind off of this and focus on something anything constructive ?