often times people say that they feel like they are putting on a mask when they go out in public and can only be their true self when alone. I talk to much and portray myself as this energetic, hyperactive person. When i get home however i crash, i get this sense of guilt like i lied to the people around me but i don’t know how else to act. There’s some part of me that thinks that i act ecstatic to hide from the fact that i’m overweight with multiple medical problems, depression, and anxiety.the weird thing about is i don’t hide it, i openly state that i have depression but i somehow turn it into a joke because i fear that if others knew that when i wake up i truly want to end it they will distance themselves. i can’t take the loss of anymore friends. my anxiety puts me in a place where i feel like eyes are watching me and my depression makes me want to hide myself away so my sadness doesn’t affect anyone. I’m always there to pick others up because i’m afraid they might have the same thoughts as me and i don’t want them to hurt themselves like i do. From the outside i should not be this depressed, i feel like i’m somehow doing it to myself and i don’t know what to do.