my boyfriend (24m) and i (22f) have been together for about 6 months. the first three months were so great, but after he got rejected from the grad program he applied to, things really went downhill.

He doesn’t have a history of mental illness, just some mild anxiety and a bit of seasonal depression. Now he is severely depressed, and extremely anxious all the time, and since this is new to him he really doesn’t know how to cope. I’ve dealt with very severe anxiety and mild depression my whole life, but his issues are different (time anxiety + existential anxiety etc) and i struggle to understand what’s going on in his mind and how to help him.

His depression has killed his sex drive, its been over a month since we last had sex. We rarely go out anymore because he’ll have panic attacks. He doesn’t really do anything for me because he’s too depressed (my love language is acts of service so this is tough), he’s hardly present at all in the relationship. He’s not the same person i started dating; he’s a shell of himself and it’s one of the most devastating things i’ve ever witnessed. He’s an incredibly kind, loving, caring person; beautiful in every sense of the word. Easily one of the most amazing people i’ve ever met in my life. I fell for him almost immediately upon us meeting and i’ve never stopped loving him for a second, but i really really miss the person i met six months ago. my heart physically aches thinking about seeing him laugh and joke and feel at ease. im tearing up just writing this. i love him so much and i just wish i could fix all of this for him. 

We had a serious conversation the other night about breaking up; our relationship is a huge stressor for him because he feels really guilty about being a “bad boyfriend”. i honestly don’t care about that, i just want him to feel better. in this conversation i told him i loved him for the first time, and he couldn’t say it back. He just cried and said “im sorry, im so sorry i dont know whats wrong with me”. He made sure i know how much he cares about me but he cant really feel any real emotions right now and he’s terrified. i know it’s not his fault, and it’s pretty much what i expected to happen, but im still hurt.

He still goes to work, to the gym, participates in all his hobbies, but just finds everything really bland and nothing alleviates his anxiety. he is going to start therapy soon. right now im really his only support, nobody else knows how hes feeling. He feels badly about this and worries he’s “using” me, but he’s too scared to talk to his parents or friends. i’m working on this because i think its a really important next step for him, but for now its kind of just me and him against the world. I’ve been in a similar position before so the pressure doesn’t really bother me. I’ve been continuing my life and doing fine. 

most of my friends (internet friends who don’t know him) think im absolutely insane for staying with him. they say he doesn’t care about me or try at all to make me happy and that i deserve someone who can love me. i explain it over and over again but they say im just making excuses and justifications and that i need to stand up for myself and move on. i genuinely cannot imagine leaving my partner right now. I’m the only person he has and i love him so dearly. i think it would be cruel to leave him and i want to stay by his side. however, that aside, i dont WANT to leave him. he still makes me happy and i cannot express what an amazing, talented, incredible person he is. it’s a privilege to even know him.

TLDR: my boyfriend is extremely depressed and didn’t say ‘i love you’ back when i said it for the first time. My friends think i should leave him but i love him too much. 

how can i further support him??? I’ll do anything.