I just can't help it. Today I had a nice day, I even had a little spark of hope that one of the places I went for job candidating accepted me (at least they said they'll call me back, even if it's for a no, and I appreciate how polite it is), but that one thing. Yesterday evening, my boyfriend (long-distance relationship) told me he was gonna have a party with some friends of his, and there's a girl among them. She has a boyfriend and all, but still... I can't help the little voice at the back of my head yelling that he can find way better than me, that he doesn't need a jobless shit in his life, that he doesn't need an ugly fat trash by his side. I should be gleaming with happiness and hope, people are supporting me, and yet, I still feel void-y, empty, sad, and I can't stop listening to my own inner voice. I can't even draw, I can't even work because every sketch I do feels like shit, and every idea feels awful... Sorry for the vent/rant. I can't talk about that to my family (I think they're fed up with me, and that might be more real than just a gut feeling at that point...)and I don't want to talk about it to my boyfriend because he's stressed due to his exams...

TL,DR : My emotions are just fucked up, and I feel a weird sad void instead a enjoying a good day