Found out my boyfriend was watching porn again, after the many many many times he promised he had stopped. It's a big trigger for me and I'm unsure how to act.

He's sleeping now and part of me so badly wants to kick the door im and start screaming but I've been doing a good job of distracting myself... Well I was, but then I got bored and now for the past hour I've been sitting here dwelling on it and trying to fight my feelings.

I'm crying one minute and then shaking out of anger the next. I want to go on a walk but my anxiety won't let me leave the house. I'm also feeling depressed all of a sudden which fucking sucks because yesterday I felt like I was mostly better.

I just don't know what to do or how to act. I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to cut myself. I want to disappear. I want to sleep forever.

I wish I was better than this, but sadly this is who I am. I feel unlovable. After all watching porn is a normal thing that normal people do. Why is it so fucking triggering for me? Why can't I just get over it or ignore it? Why can't I just be normal?