I started looking at myself in the mirror and all I could see what a sad excuse of a person as my fear, anger, pain, depression, and whatever else choke me as it kills me slowly. I felt like no matter what I will do I will never be able to be better than the rotten mistakes I made. I wanted to shatter the mirror and stab myself with the glass pieces.

I will die alone, I will never find love because I'm mentally not right and try as I might even when I feel fine sometimes maybe I'll never be ok again. There's more what if I'm not financially stable. My life is a mess rn and I can't guarantee anything, What if I can't make my SO happy if I ever get one that is. Will I be loving enough? What if I'm just ugly. I just don't know.

I like to think that I'm pretty self aware. I regularly help people with problems because I don't want anyone becoming this lonely festering ball of pain. Yet through all the advice I give, through all the people I've helped I can't be happy myself. I will die alone and in great pain. Maybe I deserve this?