My best friend who also has BPD and I always talk about this. We always hate when we're doing just ok because it's boring. We're not doing well enough to go out and be social all the time but we're not bad enough that we have the drama that BPD brings which keeps us busy. 

So we sit in bed all day. Watch Netflix. Go on Tumblr. Read a book. That's it. Maybe go out once a week. Fight to go to school/work and can't wait to come back home. No motivation to get much better but also don't REALLY want to get worse. I know realistically it'd be bad if I did but I'd rather get into a bad episode so I can just do what I want instead of struggle to stay afloat. I'd rather be binging and purging all day, cutting and getting attention, and going IP and getting even more attention. And I hate myself for thinking like that. But realistically there isn't much more I can do here. I'm on break from a girl's religious seminary until next week and even then I feel like this is a waste of time. I'm not really getting much out of being here so it's not like I can say it's worth it bc I don't get a degree or anything. Can't work while I'm here and we don't even have homework so I'm literally in class all day and come home to do nothing until it repeats. I hate this so much. 