Our relationship has been complicated. We fell quickly and our jobs were demanding and kept us away a lot. There were years of infidelity (on her side), ugly arguments, death, and more. We've been together just a little over ten years.  We loved  other. My mom died in a catastrophic event and things went downhill for me up until recently. She confessed the infidelity to me only months prior to my mom's death. It was HARD. For both of us, of course. We saw numerous marriage counselors, found the light multiple times and lost it again. Most recently, after about two-three arguments that ended in someone saying "I cant do this anymore", and after being on a counseling hiatus, we saw someone that has been very affective. We talked for hours before the counseling session, and it seemed like we struck good chords in those conversations and the counseling session itself. We agreed that no one would push the doomsday button (of it being over) unless it was over. We took accountability that we hadn't truly worked on our own personal growth or the growth of our relationship in the ways that we had promised before. We were in a good place and everything felt ok. This was two weeks ago. I do not exaggerate. We got in a disagreement that turned into an argument that bled into this morning. It was over tone, timing, and hurt feelings. It wasn't anything that anyone would get a divorce over, I suppose, unless you've had these types of disagreements and feel that they just result in toxicity.  I told her what bothered me this morning (that she walked away after she said she didnt want to talk anymore, but kept saying things as she walked away that felt instigative, that she came and said "im sorry if I made you feel that way, but YOU seemed to be done with me first, and other things we spoke about before that I said felt like old behaviors) and asked her if she had anything to say. She said no. I really wished she had, but I just said ok, got up, and left. Ten minutes later, she came to me and said that I never really tried to have a dialogue, but instead, I criticized her every action and behavior. She said that all we do is reevaluate conversations and go in circles, and that I remember things incorrectly or just flat out lie about what happened. She handed me her wedding ring. She said she was done.

The strange thing is, in our other arguments that ended in divorce talk, when I started to give her things back and after we made up she said that if it ever came to that, that she'd rather I'd throw those things away, because she wouldn't want them. Also, she doesn't ever really wear the ring that she gave back. It felt purposeful. It felt venomous. 

The reason that I'm here today is that sometime within the past year, she mentioned to me that several providers that she was seeing believed that some things she'd told them lead them to believe that she has BPD. We talked about it once and she never mentioned it to me again. Maybe 4-6 months after that conversation, I asked her about it and whether or not it was relevant to the issue we were having at the time (similar to the one we're having now). She seemed disgusted that I brought it up and seemed to think I was taking a cheap shot. We made up. We never mentioned it again. 

I just don't understand how someone can sit in counseling one day with you and commit to healing and the future, and two weeks later, throw it all in the trash. In the recent past, she's felt more and more like a stranger to me during our arguments. It's as if I'm a someone from her distant past that she once loved so very passionately, but that person hurt her, so she buried her memory and adoration for them so much so that only the pain remained and it morphed into hatred. It's flared so much so that she's said things to me that she's never said before. I told her about this. She said she would explore it. I'm not sure if she did. 

In the occasions that she wanted a divorce before, I wanted so badly for her to see that I was willing to work on myself and stay as long as she could do the same. I truly do love her. Now that such a short time period has passed since she pressed the last dooms day button, however, I can't help but to feel like an idiot to stick around if she changes her mind. It's so painful.  Every time our relationship has required work it seems that she's  gotten an impulse to destroy it and acted on it, no matter the cost. I told her that the trust that we had worked so hard to rebuild after the infidelity was blowing away in the wind every time she commits to us and then does this. Now I just feel like a used dishrag that can't be rinsed or washed.

I just need some clarity on whether or not this is an indication of BPD.