I’ve been struggling since around april 2021. Feeling really depressed, irritated easily. Around that time, I passed it off as exam season stress. However, it got to summer and when i was still feeling shitty I realized maybe this wasn’t a temporary thing. 

Things seems to lighten up a bit around sept-oct, I was doing better. And then, well, I sank back into a depressive episode again. Another temporary shitty period, right? Except I haven’t been able to come out of it.

Since around jan 2022 to present I think this is the worse I’ve ever felt in my life. If I’m not constantly distracting myself I’m having suicidal thoughts. My head is either in the state of hating myself and overthinking or being completely numb.

Now, my parents and I have a weird relationship. I love them, don’t get me wrong. But they haven’t really ever tried to understand me. Not to mention the amount of things they’ve done or said that was so hurtful and I still can’t forget about them . I’ve tried telling them about my mental health before and they got mad at me, saying I just don’t pray enough.  It’s like they can see my signs of not doing well, yet they don’t believe in the depression itself?So, I cannot go for them or through them to get support. 

I have talked to some teachers at school, because it’s gotten to the point where I’ve left lessons to have a breakdown, or I zone out in class so much that it’s noticeable, and my grades are dropping. Usually I can hide it but over the last two months or so I’m at breaking point, even from the tiniest of things. They’ve hinted at maybe doing some sort of therapy, and that’s from me telling them minimum information (I’m not great at opening up).

One thing I want to make clear is I have tried to help myself as much as I can. I eat decent, I workout, I do shit I like when I can, like reading, I take care of my physical appearance, I’m decent at socializing. And yet for some reason I really just don’t want to be here anymore. There so many things going on in my head. I feel tired. So so tired.

I feel like my only solution now is to try medication/therapy. However I’m still classed as a minor until next year. Meaning if I needed my GP to refer me to a psychiatrist my parents would probably find out about it. And that wouldn’t go down well. Plus, I feel like my GP wouldn’t take me seriously enough. 

So I guess to summarize, what I’m asking is, how do I go about getting actual help?