I've always been able to stay afloat (especially academically) by putting in minimal effort and only doing what I need to to keep up appearances, but I told myself I was going to get my shit together this semester- and I did. I get 8 hours of sleep every night, I work out 5x a week, I start my assignments early, I study for tests, I eat healthily, I brush my teeth and wash my face 2x a day, I'm doing everything right. 

But I don't feel better. My grades are actually worse, my back hurts all the time (chronic pain that's *supposed* to go away with exercise), and I've started having intrusive passive suicidal ideation thoughts again. 

I feel like I'm treading water. There's no sign of land and I'm running out of energy. How do I stop myself from drowning?