I've had depressive episodes for about 3 and a half years ever since I got broken up with by someone I dated for over 2 years, and never realized till the end that I was taking advantage and I felt as if I shouldn't date anyone because of it. Arouns a year ago I met one of my best friends, who I've had a crush on since I got to know them, and about 8 months  after talking we tried dating, and I said that I wouldn't even if I could in the past, but I still did it and it was partially taking advantage because they were depressed about a shitty bf, and I decided rven thought I said I wouldn't, that I was going to. It lasted only a week, but were still really good friends and they've found someone who's just as caring as I am with them, which makes me more happy than upset, but it doesn't change the fact that I have very little self worth due to being such a horrible person to date, not able to find anyone who i can care for instead of take advantage of, and only recently found a way to cope with it, which was getting a job. 

I've known another person somewhat for 4 years, but just knew of them, then in a class we had together during December, they told me they had a crush on me, and I asked if they wanted something serious and that they weren't rebounding off of a past relationship. They said that they did and that they weren't rebounding, and we had dated for about 2 months, and I had noticed most of our talk was sexual, and I didn't want to just get with them for that, and after about a week since my birthday, they told me they couldn't handle what I was trying to give them, and not even a full week after that they found another guy to try and bang. This ruined my self esteem, but I felt as if it was fair due to the horrible shit I've done to one of my closest friends and someone who I was just being nice to to try and get some play, and besides talking with the previous friend, 2 other basically life long friends, and going to work, I never feel good, and even as of late talking to my 2 really really good friends, I didn't feel good talking to them, and just muted them when we were playing a game yesterday. 

I'm at school typing this out and not sure what to expect, I just wanted to vent to someone due to me hating myself and truthfully, not having anything to be upset about, bc some of the posts here are genuinely upsetting to read and the people In the posts are in just worse situations than me. I have good friends that I genuinely care for, and who care for me, my family, for the most part, care about me, and I'm helping with bills by working, but I only feel good when working and when asleep. I don't really know what to do or how to feel, and I genuinely wanted to just vent somewhere because I don't want my friends to have the burden of helping me, or my family to know I'm having issues. Sorry if this post is extremely long.