I can't just hold on for other people's sake anymore. I haven't talked to my friends in days. My friend has called me three times and i didn't answer any time. I left all group chats. My FP was my ex who i haven't talked to since mid March. It feels like all my friends just want me for the good times and not the bad. I guess that fair because my mental health literally drove one of my old friends to self harm and nearly to suicide and it was all my fault. 
What good am i to this world if i don't have anyone to keep living for except myself and i don't even want that. I'm not scared to die, I'm scared that no one will care. I'm scared that my entire life will have been for nothing. Just a waste of time and oxygen. 
Fuck people say it gets better. Fuck people who say just to hold on. HOW ON FOR WHAT BITCH? THERES NOTHING LEFT TO HOLD ONTO. its pointless. This always has been.