My dad has narcissistic qualities though I’m not sure if I think he’s 100%. Long story short, he had it out for my brother growing up, he emotionally abused him. I got it too but it was more in the form of helicoptering and not trusting me (ridiculous curfews, being accused of sneaking around with boys, etc). So my bro thinks I had a better experience growing up while I really didn’t, it was just different. 

Today I was pissed because my mom and I had a beach day planned, dad called up last minute and said he wants to go. Every time we go anywhere with him it gets ruined because he takes hours to leave, he finds something to be mad about, etc. so I vented to my brother about it and he actually told me “you’d better take that back because he’s the reason you’re alive and he could have treated you a lot worse. If you won’t take it back I’m not talking to you anymore.” I’m sorry, are you kidding me!? My dad literally tried to kick my brother out at 16 and they have a rocky relationship as well. I thought my brother would understand of all people, and here I am feeling stupid like I never should have said anything because I’m supposed to be “grateful” that my dad wanted to go somewhere. My brother told me I would ruin my mom’s day by being upset, I’ll regret it when they die, etc. 

I left feeling like I’d just had a conversation with my dad, sad and guilty. I’m very disappointed by my brother’s response and told him that I won’t be bringing that subject up again. I’m 29 and he is 23 and I don’t understand how he can forgive my father so easily. Maybe it’s because I’m the older child and I know/see more? I thought I would be able to rely on him for this.. our relationship has gotten much better but I feel as if it just took ten steps back.

If anyone could offer me some perspective I would appreciate it.