I hate myself. I hate the way my brain works. i’m so embarrassed of myself. I cant leave my house without getting crippling panic attacks. I feel like a failure. lately I feel like nothing matters. I have 0 motivation. I’m never happy and I don’t enjoy anything. I used to love music and crochet and now I just don’t care. I also love fall and hoodies and pajamas and now It just doesn’t make me happy. If I am feeling happy in a moment I just go back to my anxious thoughts. I feel like i’m not aloud to be happy and that it’s to good to be true. I feel like if i’m happy or calm that means something bad is coming. i’m SO tired of being like this. I want to feel like me again. I feel like i’ll be this way forever. I don’t even ask for help anymore because I feel like i’m such a burden. I feel like i’m taking life for granted. I feel guilty to be alive.