I was on the freeway to go to a Starbucks that closes at 1am before going home. to get there i had to get off at a stop on the freeway but i missed it so i made a sharp right turn to get off the freeway. i saw a divider there and my suicidal tendencies told me to drive on top of it and I lost control of the car. next thing you know i hit the divider again, went airborne, and flipped 3 times to the other side of the freeway. if i didn't hit the wall i would've kept on going. If the airbags didn’t go off, I would’ve smashed my head on the pavement. The cops and paramedics came to take me to the hospital and I woke up in the ambulance. I didn’t know what was going on. I hit another car but the people in that car were fine. I guess the universe told me that it wasn’t my time to go since I only suffered a bruised rib and was unconscious for a while. 

This disorder is fucking brutal man. The reckless driving almost killed me and I could’ve seriously hurt someone else. I could’ve killed someone. honestly, I was very disappointed that I didn’t die. I hate living with this. I need help. I’ve been in therapy for two years and I was getting better. but ever since my girlfriend broke up with me I’ve been a mess. I wish I can get better soon. It’s finals week and I don’t want to sabotage myself... I just want to be fine. I just want this fucking disorderly go away. Fuck. My. Bpd. I fucking hate it.