I’ll try to keep this as short as possible. I currently work in a wood shop. We build cabinets for houses and apartment buildings under construction. Been working here for 7 years now and every time I walk through the door, I get a major panic attack to the point where my chest hurts like hell. 

Normally we have a summer rush and a Christmas rush for the jobs we do. Back in 2018, both the summer rush and the Christmas rush happened at the same time around the middle of October. So we were working overtime. I didn’t have only one position at the time. I was doing 4 jobs at once. Lay-ups (which is gluing laminate to wood), edge banding (which is gluing the edge tape to the cabinet parts), doweling (which is putting the dowels in the tops and bottoms of the cabinets), and building the cabinets. I was asked to work overtime which normally I don’t have a problem with. Until a month passed. I was working 60 hours a week. 10 hours a day from Monday to Saturday. Only had Sunday to myself. Eventually, I started getting more and more anxious and depressed. The smallest mess up was the end of the world to me. I don’t know why my mental state was getting worse but it was. Eventually, I started cutting my wrist and forearm with the exact o knife I carry on my tool belt. And one day I was pushed passed my limit. Not sure why it triggered me so much, I think my boss was trying to be encouraging, but him saying, “do better” to me triggered the anxiety and depression I’ve never felt before and thankfully haven’t felt since. I tried taking my own life in the bathroom shortly after. I snapped out of it and immediately told out first aid guy and I was sent to the hospital. 

Now ever since, I can’t walk through the door of the shop without being winded by a panic attack. I know the logical thing is to find another job, but that’s a whole nother can of anxious worms I don’t want to open right now. This post is long enough already. Anyways, if you made it this far, thank you for reading my vent. It honestly helps to sort of scream into the void per se.