She’s 9 now. And honestly, she is still the reason I’m alive. I can’t trust anyone to love her right and she will be the meme of a dog laying on their person’s grave. She deserves so much more than that 

But..I don’t know how long I can keep disassociating. My dad is dying of cancer at 65. He has been wet brained for about 8 years from his 50 years of daily drinking. And he is basically a QAnon follower at this point. He touts all their conspiracies, especially the racist, antisemitic, and sexist ones. He was nothing like this before his loss of brain function. He taught me mutual aid, he taught me to never put money over human decency. He and my mom had an abortion in the 80s and he now says that abortion is murder, even knowing of my two as well.*

I’m having such a difficult time accepting the state of the USA right now. Hearing the conviction in his beliefs… he is one of millions. I was going to move back to his town to take care of him as he dies. But I don’t think I can handle it. I lost my dad so many years ago, I thought I could just disassociate thru it but it’s a constant reminder how fucked humanity is and how I don’t want to play this life game anymore. 

*fuck your opinions about abortion.