My ability to remember things has always been weak. My past pretty much feels like a dark void with, like 2 different memories attached to it. I can remember more if I really try or experience something that reminds me of specific ones, but other than that, pretty much nothing. 

Not only that, but I can't decide whether those memories are real, fake, altered by my brain or were just dreams. Whenever I tell anyone about these memories, their response more often than not is "That's not how it went" even if I could swear that's how [events in specific memory] went down. 

This makes me feel like an idiot, and also feel that the person is lying to make me feel like an idiot, and I have no idea whether that's the case or not.

There were a lot of people betraying me, I have a really hard time telling lies apart from truths or reading people's expressions.

What makes my perception of reality even worse is that even the way I saw the present is blurry. Not in a "my vision is blurry" sense, but as in "my interprets the things my eyes see as blurry and uncertain".

It's terrible to live in this, especially because it feels like I can't even trust my past self. Since I'm so forgetful and seemingly careless (why should I care when nothing ever feels real?) I could mess anything up at every moment which will make me feel bad and make me feel like my parents will punish me for it.

Reality around me feels fluid and I can't describe how it feels. It's so uncertain and dangerous, but at the same time everything feels unimportant.

I have no idea what this is and what to do about it.

I'm tired.