I want to vent a little because I'm so frustrated and no one understands except for people here.

When I was first diagnosed I felt hope for the first time in a decade, I thought now that I knew what was wrong I could fix it, little did I know that it's not something you could fix, you can supress it but it requires a lot of work and energy that leaves nothing of you left.

I'm depressed again, I can't enjoy anything or do anything, I'm back to crying on the bathroom floor at work, unable to eat, oversleeping and neglecting myself. 

At first I fought and tried to chase away the relapse but now it's eating me alive, every day is worse than the day before, I remember shaking in fear a while ago because I don't want to relapse into depression, but here I am with that fear fulfilled. 

I'm tired of it all, why do I have to fight and try so hard only to go back to square one.