Yes I cosplay a healthy person. I act like I have my shit togheter and many people believe it. Looking put togheter helps a lot.

Many  people judge me because I dont work. This hurts a lot. I worked from 18-26 years old. It didn't end well. 
This is the main reason why I want to work. I dont want people to think I dont work and just take the money from the staat. They Dont allow me to be mentally ill, so I dont allow it eather.

Even on my worse days I put makeup on. Because I dont want anyone to see how hurt Im. I dont want them to see my sleepless nights. 

At least people tell me how pretty I look. But You know what. I dont want to be pretty I crave to be healthy. 

I can smile right into someones face answer questions porperly, while having an internal struggle and worse anxiety. They wont see it, until I have a mental Breakdown somwhere alone. 

Because of that I landed in several mental hospital and people where suprised about it, because they thought everything is fine with me.

Why do I do this? Because the world isnt a funny place for mentally ill people. People look at you different and treat you different. At least This is my experience.

For every 2 days outside with people I have to stay 1 week isolated to calm my mind down.

Sometimes I believe at my own cosplay and think Im healthy, but life teaches me the other way, many times.