I was making it through today. I was feeling fine. I disassociated for a while at one point and split on my family—my BPD tends to be quiet but this is the first time it’s been directed at them so that scared the shit out of me. Thankfully, they couldn’t tell and I just started going through grounding exercises. It took hours, but I felt better eventually and so excited that I was able to through this by myself.

Then I was editing a spreadsheet. Saw the last entry was before I broke up with my fp. Was before I realized I had BPD. And that just broke me. I wish I had started this journey just one month earlier. I just want my fp here as I go through this. I just want someone to share what I’m going through every day and to give me a hug when shit’s bad. 

Writing it out here helps a bit. But everything sucks right now too.