So, tonight I was feeling incredibly hopeless, cold, left alone, abandoned, sad, you all probably know the drill of what exactly I mean.
And I was feeling so hopeless, so much more hopeless than in a long while, so I did turn to self harm in the end at like 2-3 AM, First time in like 2 years. 
But I didn't want to risk leaving any scars so instead I opted for hitting myself for the pain, which worked out great in the end, until it 'helped' me too much and I turned to my face.
It started out okay there, but then I messed up big time by breaking my own nose and that's when instant regret set in. I'm not just very pissed off at myself and unsure how to exactly handle it.