I know this is nothing new here. But I'm really upset right now. I feel like all of my friends hate me. I feel like everyone I walk by is staring at me. I feel like everyone thinks I'm creepy because I dont talk to anyone. I feel like people don't want to talk to me. I feel like everyone ignores me when I talk to them. I feel like I cant even begin conversations with new people because I'm afraid they dont want to talk to me. I feel afraid because I dont want to be "that guy" that joins in friend groups that nobody wants me in. I feel like people are laughing at me. I feel like my teachers find me weird because I never talk to anyone around me. I feel like my best friends made new friends when they were in-person and I was virtual at school, and now they dont like me anymore. I feel afraid that I'll be told one day that my best friends want to move on from me, and I'll have no one else to fall back on. I worry that people think I'm like this for attention. I feel like people don't like my sense of humor, how quiet I am, how annoying I am....

This is how I feel every day. I always tell people I dont care what others think about me, but now I feel like I've been putting on a mask over how I actually am. I'm a shy, insecure, anxious kid. I was always told that high school was when you meet a bunch of new friends and it's the most fun time of school ever with new people. But that hasn't happened yet. I'm too scared to talk to anyone. Recently, I started sitting at lunch with a friend I havent seen in person since the start of the pandemic. She sits with 3 other people, two of which I already know, but there was someone new I've never met before. She is super nice and laughs at all of the stuff other people say. So, I tried to talk to her, and she just kind of ignored me. She just talked to my other friends instead of me. I tried cracking jokes in the conversations, trying to be a part of something, but I just ended up feeling like no one wanted me there. I feel like I'm invading a friend group that everyone was happy with before I got there. I honestly just want to sit alone during lunch because of this, but I feel bad about it because I have friends to talk to, I'm just afraid to talk to them. I'm too afraid to talk to anyone. I'm too afraid to do anything. My anxiety has never been this bad before, but I think the length of the pandemic and how it affected me has made me scared of socializing at all. I'm too afraid of rejection, and I dont want to be annoying to anyone. I just want friends at school. I want a friend that makes me laugh and I can make them laugh. I want a friend that I can walk with to my classes. I want a friend that I'm super close to, but i dont feel like that with any of my friends. I used to be really close with all of my friends, but now I just feel separated. My biggest fear is being considered annoying. And I feel like EVERYONE thinks I'm annoying. What happened to me? I used to not think like this at all. I used to be super close to all of my friends, not even worry about annoying them, but now I'm down to the point where I'm afraid of offending them or annoying them in texts. Why am I like this?