Cw: csa mention, non-con mention, nsfw mention


Man I'm just thinking about that bad bad stuff right now. I was molested multiple times as a kid, groomed online by older men through things like anime (sending me lolicon/shotacon when im 9), and how I was raped when I was 16 because of my aunt and now I'm stuck in a hypersexual/sex repulsed way of life and constantly questioning my worth as a person. One of my bigger kinks is being used as though I'm a sex doll and I KNOW it's because of what I've gone through. I've never told anyone the extent of my sexual trauma. Partners just think it's so sexy that I want to be their personal toy! No one questions why, they just are excited for it. 

I'm so afraid of being looked at as though I'm broken but tbh my trauma didn't just break me but my genetics did too. Like maybe I was already doomed to be prone to this kind of self defeating behavior. Everyone in my family is mentally ill to a degree. I feel like my trauma and my genetics define me. I don't want to be thrown into these boxes that just identify me as damaged. It sucks! It sucks.