i hate this stupid disorder. i wish i never had bpd

why am i freaking out over if my friends have other friends. why am i crying over someone who i haven’t talked to in months still. why am i always being left alone. i’m so tired of the constant loneliness and need for someone else. i need other people to live, srsly wtf is wrong with me. i hate myself so much for needing others when i’ve prided myself in being independent. all this time, i did need someone but i thought i’d eventually be my own person but i’ve come to realized that i never will be