i feel like such a shitty person.
ive been in my first relationship for a few months and recently i’ve been nonstop bickering and arguing over the slightest difference in opinions and although he says it doesn’t bother him i can’t bring myself to believe that. it’s like i want him to get angry back just to make myself feel bad so i end up instigating things. he’ll end up saying he doesn’t understand why i care so much because it’s usually something stupid and unimportant and that’ll make me react even worse. i even warned him at the beginning of our relationship that i have bpd and he said no matter what he wants to be with me. i just can’t accept that someone would love me for how i am because i am just so fucking awful to everyone around me and i don’t by any means even like myself. it’s taken me so much courage not to say “it’s over” during an argument even though i don’t want to end our relationship. he asked me what i want him to do when i get like that but i don’t even know because, at least in my past friendships that ended up in a similar situation to this, i would just dramatically end it or freak out enough that they actually just end up hating me and block me.