i feel like i shouldnt subject anyone to myself anymore. im too much to deal with and i end up driving everybody i love away because of how i act. when im calm, i can easily think "why did i freak out so bad? why did i act like that? i need to calm down when i do that." but then when im actually freaking out, i just cant think rationally anymore. i drove away the person who meant the world to me, someone i really liked and was about to go on a date with and im about to drive away a guy i really like. i just want to isolate myself so i dont have to deal with the constant heartbreak anymore. im really tired of everyone leaving but i know its all my fault.