Last night the people I hang out with were drinking. I don’t mind when people drink because everyone is of course entitled to do whatever they want. However, I always leave when things get rowdy because I get so anxious since I already have really bad emetophobia. I guess I leave before all hell breaks loose. However, yesterday I left around midnight because they were going out to get cross faded and I wasn’t going to do that. A white claw and truly were enough for me since I never drink. One of them was like “So are you going back to your dorm then?” and it caught me off guard so I was like “Yeah” because I felt like that obviously meant that I wasn’t really wanted there because i’m “boring”. So I left and told them to have fun and enjoy themselves. Then at around 3 am one of them texts me and said that I was so rude because I left and didn’t want to hang out with them. So I apologized if I came off as rude and that I am sorry that my anxiety just gets the best of me. Then she proceeded to tell me that no one was forcing me to do anything and that I just didn’t want to hang with them. This threw me off so much that I cried because she was supposed to be the one I was closest to since we have opened up about our problems to each other and never judged each other. I guess I just can’t believe that I am rude for being an anxious person. It sucks because I never judge this girl for being who she is even if she does have her own issues, I am always open and accepting of it and mindful of triggers and stuff when I’m around her so that she never feels uncomfortable. I guess I just can’t believe that because I don’t like to party, I’m a rude person. So now I am friendless and I am looking into other colleges to transfer to that I can commute to because I am aware that I will never be welcomed since everyone at college likes to party. 
I really don’t know what to do anymore. I feel so hopeless and ashamed.