I have been isolated for so long, even before the virus i didn't have anyone to spend time with because I am so unreliable. I want to spend time people then freak out right before. So I've been alone. Someone actually asked me to do something several days ago and today was the day. Its all I could think about for a week and an hour before I had to leave I told her I was too tired. What the hell is wrong with me? This is like the nicest most supportive people I've ever met and the only reason I hadn't talked to her in forever was because she was doing humanitarian stuff far away. Why do I do this and how do I stop? I hate myself and I'm going to always be alone because I'm like this. I need help and the people that would be there for me I avoid and hurt. I'm an awful person.