Hey all! I used to take abilify for about 5 years, but in april I started to get off the meds, it was an 8 weeks plan. First two weeks went fine, after that it became harder so I was distancing myself from people a little bit to deal with my emotions. I usually play games with my friend group and I still did, I thought it was a safe space for me. We usually play league of legends and I usually play support but recently one of my friends (girl) who never plays support, suddenly wants to play it. Makes me a bit irritated but sure. So I played other roles a lot. Then back in may I was just really wanting to play support one evening and they invited me but she already took the role so I left and when they asked I was honest about why I left. A few days later I get a message from one of the guys who is also in the friend group but that I'm not really good friends with. Saying how 'they' (as in, the group) think I'm not flexible enough. All because I wanted to play support one (1) evening. So I checked my history and came with facts about how I literally play other roles 50% of the time when I play with them. No answer. Okay. What bothered me most is that it came from him, and I know that girl made him say it. Like she didn't want to be the one to say it you know? That made me split so hard on this girl. And ever since it's just really tiring for me to stay friends with her. Like, I have to continously remind myself she is not bad, but I can't shake off this feeling. And every single time she does something to push me further away even more. 

Like, the past 2 months we could only play games she wanted to play. If anyone else suggests a different game, she doesn't want to. She only wants to play what she feels like playing all the time. But that is apparently okay for my friend group, but when I leave once to play something I like, while I usually play whatever they want, I'm not flexible. A few weeks ago I suggested a different game to my friends and we all started playing and she joined an hour later. Fine. She asks what we need to do and I explain it to her and the controls and everything. Than 30 mins later she leaves and makes her own world because "I don't know what to do and you're not explaining it to me so I'm gonna figure it out for a little bit". Mind you, we were in a call with four people that were explaining it to her. So one of my other friends leaves to join her world to show her. We were in that same call when that happened btw, but suddenly she understood? And she pushes everyone to join her world, even though we were already a bit furter a long in the other. It pissed me off honestly. 

Other than games, we also talk about other stuff. One thing is losing weight. I've succesfully lost a bit and still need to lose more (yeay abilify making me gain!), and she asked me how I did it so I told her. Then she's like logging food and mid day she says "ok I'm gonna stop logging now otherwise I go over my points/calories". Proceeds to go out for dinner and have alcoholic drinks. At the end of the week she didn't lose weight, even gained. "Omg howwww". And I just keep thinking "are you stupid or just pretending to be". I don't say this to her, obviously, but it annoys me. I once told her nicely that losing weight only works if you stick to the numbers, she agrees, next day it's the same thing all over again.

She's also really, really loud and noisy (adhd). And keeps pushing and pushing. And in my friend group she really vibes with some other guy and they push eachother to the edge all the time and are SOOO loud. The past week I just can't deal with it anymore so I distance myself a bit to get a grip on my emotions again. Then yesterday I get like 15 million texts in a row, I was overwhelmed so I didn't even open it. Then she messages me somewhere else, I say something back and then close that app. Then she is talking to me on discord if something is wrong. Like, can I not get a break here? I literally messaged her on the other app. So I told her it's a bit busy in my head and I don't really feel like answering people. Which was the truth, mostly. I didn't tell her she is one of the reasons my head is spinning because I don't want to make her feel bad. Anyway, everything she does is off putting to me nowadays. And it all started in may when she let someone else do her dirty work. I don't really know how to change my thoughts and get back into the white area. I tried many things. I was so mad and sad at the same time for about 2 weeks straight and I wanted to hurt myself for feeling so intensely back in may. It was very unpleasant.