I get really awkward when in large groups of people.

I am introverted, grew up in a small family (parents, older sibling...thats it. Everyone else spread out across the globe)

Now that older sibling is married to someone with a very large family, and I am in a serious relationship with someone who also has a large family.

In both scenarios, I don’t really know how to act. I’ve always had a sort of internal rebellion against keeping up appearances. If I am anxious, I dont like lying through my teeth “how are you?” “i’m good!” It’s fake and wrong to me. But I’m starting to wonder if I may be wrong about this in large family gathering scenarios.

So if I am anxious or unhappy, I have a hard time hiding it. This makes things uncomfortable for those around me when people notice. And it happens often, because I get anxious quickly when in large gatherings either due to the noise or internal feelings that spark from sensitivity over some conversation if it pushes a button.

Example: when people joke about “ball and chain” with married folks, I get extremely uncomfortable. If my SO would even joke of this I’d be full of insecurity and hurt and have a hard time hiding it. 

Any advice for me here? I want to change this and be better but I’m not sure what the right balance is.