IT DRAINS ME TO BE NICE. 

I can keep up a "sweet" conversation for 5 minutes TOPS before I call it quits. It leaves me physically exhausted and even thinking about being nice drains me mentally. 

It sickens me to think of being nice for so long. I feel disgusted by myself and think "Fucking Christ, you're a WIMP!"

Don't get me started on when family members come around. I don't even talk. I just nod and smile and try not to look like a bitch.

Whenever I want to say something nice to my SO, mother, brother, or anyone close to me, I *physically* can't. My teeth hinge shut, my lips tighten, I walk away, look away. It's such a stupid and silly subconscious action but I can't help it.

The irony of it all? To people who don't know me, I'm one of the nicest, friendliest and most accepting people they know. 

This will be my downfall. My mother is tired of me being nice and respectful to every other random stranger on the planet but her, and my boyfriend feels like I've stranded him when I have friendly and hearty conversations with strangers. 

Please help me figure out how to be nice without being tired. 