I've fucked up, I can't go on like this.

I keep hurting the one I love the most, I can't bear the amount of pain I am causing.

I've never felt so fucking low, I've never felt so fucking trapped and so fucking lonely.

I'm trapped because to kill myself would be selfish yet to live is too as I'm such a cunt, I want to leave her to protect her but I CAN'T, I love her too much I couldn't bear to live without her in my life.

I'm so lonely because I've got nobody other than her and all she has for me right now is rage, anger and sadness.

Hearing the pain and anger in the voice of that someone who almost always talks to me in such kind tones is like a knife twisting in my back with every word.

The worst part is that this is all my fucking fault.

I *actually* hate myself.

I don't know if this can carry on.