TLDR: boyfriend ended up being very toxic and borderline mentally abusive. I expressed my feelings in a healthy, mature way and then stood up for myself and broke up with him when he refused to treat me better. 

We had only been dating for about five weeks. He kept doing little things that upset me and I wouldn’t speak up because I was worried that it was just my BPD making me think that it was a really bad thing. 

I stayed with him for 10 days at his house before our state had a shelter in place order. He lives close to 2 hours from where my mom lives (she is who I live with when my dorms are not open). 

He did a few big things that led to me breaking up with him. These were things that I knew were bad and, if my BPD was doing anything, it was *minimizing* the severity of what he was doing. 

On March 19, he and his brother were camping with their cousin. They all got drunk. He called me while he was wandering around and started talking my damn head off. Then he said “I’m sorry that I only started to talk to you with the intention of using you to get over my ex” and also said during the same phone call that he loved his ex still and wanted to be with her, and the only reason he was with me and not her was because 1) his family despises her and 2) he thinks it’s rude to break up with someone for another person. **I did not ask any questions to warrant this response**

When I stayed at his house with him, we only intended on me staying for two days. I only stayed for ten because he didn’t want to drive me all the way back home (it’s 50 miles one way) but he was the one who invited me to his house and drove me to his house from mine. I ended up having to wait until my mom and her fiancé had an off-day so they could get me. I got picked up on April 4. 

Around this past Monday (April 5), he would go off the grid for *hours* at a time. Not like he’s watching a movie with his family amount of time. Like he went on a day trip and left his phone in the car or at home. He and I would only talk for 3 hours a night tops. This went on for three days. 

In the early hours of April 8, I expressed that his ignoring me was upsetting to me. He said that was stupid and that I had no reason to be upset. I told him I felt like he cared about his video games more than me. He said I was being dramatic and irrational. So obviously, I ask a few friends (all of whom had met him and hadn’t known about any of our previous issues) if I was in the wrong and they said I was not. 

Cue argument. I **hate** being called things dramatic and irrational even though I know I can be. I continued trying to explain that I didn’t want him to stop playing video games, I just wanted to have longer than an hour or two to talk to him every day. 

He continued with the “they’re just video games” shit and saying I was blowing it out of proportion and I was making it a bigger deal than it needed to be. I told him all I wanted him to do was apologize and we would go back to where we were before. He just would not apologize. 

I started telling him why I was insecure now with him not responding quickly because I wasn’t like this at the beginning of the relationship (read back to when he told me about his feelings for his ex and how he intended on using me) and he said “Guess I shouldn’t have been honest with you like that”. I said when I asked for honesty, I meant when I asked questions and not for him to come out and say that he misses his ex *to his new girlfriend* 

After this he started trying to guilt trip me by saying I was putting words in his mouth and making stuff up to hurt my own feelings. I got pissed and went off on him. He told me the conversation would not go anywhere and to text him in the morning. 

Next time we talk, he asked if he could block me on all social media and delete my number and added “I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me over video games”. Again, I tried to explain that I was breaking up with him because of his complete disregard for my feelings and we argued again. 

Finally I got so tired of his attitude that I told him to delete all of his pictures/videos/memories of me and blocked him on most of his social media and number. Once he had my request opened for 30 seconds, I blocked him on snapchat too. 

I feel so free. I’m so proud of myself for not only expressing my feelings, but doing it in a healthy way AND I didn’t put up with bullshit. I didn’t let him use me as a door mat. I feel like I had a weight lifted off my shoulders.