At this moment, I’m at risk of losing my scholarship and being put on academic warning. I had such a good start in the beginning. There times where I found it hard, but I did like the course especially the problem solving aspect. If it weren’t for guilt over something that happened some time ago, I would be at the right head space for my courses. I’ve kept searching for evidence to prove that I did nothing wrong, but as of now I have nothing. I kept looking for distractions to forget about everything but the obsessions around contamination or morality still linger. I became numb to any idea of a social life or feeling that I deserved to have one. My GPA could potentially be too deep to just bring it back to scholarship status. I don’t have any drive to push forward. Therapy still hasn’t done anything for me. I see people I know doing things for their lives and me who can never leave the past all because of a several mistakes that I wish I could back. I just want to be myself again.