To start, I decided to quit smoking weed because I have a really big job opportunity that does a one time once hired on drug test. Well..I’ve been smoking daily all day for at least 3 consecutive years now. It helps me sleep, eat, calm down, think straight etc. I’ve wanted to quit before but have never had a strong enough motive, so now that I literally CANT I’ve made it to day five and here’s what I have to share. 

Nights 1-2 were the worst, made it through the day fine actually, but once it was time to sleep I had severe panic attacks and cried for hours convinced I’d never be able to sleep again. 
Day 2-4 I was grumpier than I’ve ever been in my life, and that’s coming from someone with BPD. My mood swings are absolutely out of control and I’m angry with the whole world. Yelling at my boyfriend and roommate nonstop. Being extra judgmental. Pressure in my head that literally was just causing me to be angry.
Day 4-5 I slept, and I slept well, with no issues falling asleep (stayed up late but still) and I have more energy I’ve than I’ve ever had before.
Day 5. I’m hungry and enjoy food again. Not nearly as grumpy as the first few days, and most importantly this no longer seems impossible or like then end of the world. 

I’d like to admit that I’ve now realized a lot of my BPD issues were worsened because I masked them all with smoking pot. Sad? Smoke. Need to eat? Smoke. Suicidal ideation? Smoke. Going to work? Smoke. Wake up? Smoke. Go to sleep? Smoke. All I did all day everyday was smoke pot because I was convinced it made me feel better and “happier”. 

I’ve now realized that I can in fact live without smoking all day everyday and it only took five days of hell. I’m going to take this whole month off and really pay attention to myself and the changes that happen. I’ll more than likely smoke again after being hired, but I know it won’t be nearly as frequent and will be more for fun than for Coping with life. 

As ridiculous as it may sound I’m unbelievably proud of myself for sticking to this and not just saying “well I’ll just find a job that doesn’t drug test” 
Thanks for reading &lt;3