does anyone have any advice on being more self aware during splits? advice of being less self destructive? i’ve got a really patient/understanding bf but i’m afraid im hurting him and i haven’t even realized it. i don’t want him to leave me and i don’t want to be the reason our relationship is unhealthy. to be fair i am not diagnosed, however i possess every tendency to an extreme and my past trauma/other illnesses line up pretty well. bf is aware of my bpd tendencies and the other night i got high and decided to become more open with him abt it. he told me he waited to say all of this till i was high because “you can be very unpredictable when you’re sober.” and yikes. i feel like a bad person. i didn’t realize he was keeping things from me out of fear. he said he wishes i could be more open minded (wtf is that supposed to mean???) and that when i split it’s as if i stop caring about him entirely. which is true. when i split on him i seriously extremely hate him. when i split on him i could care less about him or his life or anything he has to say. but fuck that’s not me.. it’s not who i want to be. i don’t know how to work on these tendencies when i am currently unable to get therapy. he said a lot more that night, but there’s the gist of it, and i honestly hadn’t realized im so fucking awful.