Well after a hard fought battle the first time it’s struck me again. And I genuinely feel like just ending it all. Everyone sees me as a bother in their life my partner my parents my friends literally everyone and today I got the news that was the last straw. I’m in a break with my partner and we’re in long distance so she said she’s coming back to the city I’m in to stay with her parents but since we’re on a break she doesn’t want to see me so that  literally sucked the soul out of me because after this we won’t have a chance to meet again for another year and a half. My friends have stopped hanging out with me. My family has left me to be home alone here as they’re also out travelling. It’s a mess. My college applications are still under review and I have no clue what the result would be which is driving me insane. I just want to get rid of my existence on the face of the earth and just let people be happy without me. I am a burden in everyone’s lives quite literally and it’s draining my living soul that I’ve stopped caring or feeling anything and I just feel numb as fuck. This numbness is just causing me to not feel anything whatsoever and making me realise I should use the numbness to just drive my car into the ledge or something and take the cowards way out as society has put it. I’m having a lot of heart conditions recently and I’ve left it to chance. If I go I go and if I survive I survive. I’m not going to visit a hospital if anything were to happen. Happy coincidence let’s say.