What's the purpose of living? I don't know tbh. I'm 24 in a few days, I still live with my mom, I don't know my dad. I don't have any friends besides a few online friends, I met them in real life but they live too far away. I'm spending my days playing video games and jerking off mostly. I don't have any money to my name, I don't have a job and I'm studying law. I don't do anything for it anymore. I'm not in debth since I live in Germany but still.

I'm living in a constant bubble of disappointment, dissatisfaction and being stressed by the simplest things in regards to my future. I feel like I have all the time in the world but I also don't. I know I should start working out, I know I need to get a job. I know that I should seek treatment. But everything involving others stresses me. I used to be quite smart but nowadays I'm just a underachieving failure. I'm not addicted to any sort of drugs at least. I'm gay and chubby. I'm not even sure what I can add to people's life. 

I am not suicidal as of now but I start to wonder if I'm not better off dead. I don't know if it will be better in the future, I honestly have no clue. I just don't want to feel this miserable almost every day.