"My feeling is that... Well... I feel like I'm just going to suffer and be unable to do anything for the rest of my life and I'm just a hinderence on those that I know. Like, imagine if I hadn't taken that stupid decision to contact you and befriend you... Would you not be better off not having to deal with me everyday?

So, if the rest of my life is to be this suffering, then why should I keep trying, keep going, if it'd be so much easier to die? That is why I asked why I'm still alive, or in other words, why am I not already dead?"