Just came to a few realizations about my last relationship lmao. I'd been in slow recovery since \~Dec 2020, I didn't realize my thought processes/actions were toxic until I got the diagnosis and started therapy. I feel like in my last relationship (which was on and off from late 2021 to mid 2022) I convinced myself that every single time I had a problem with something he said to me it was my fault or I was blowing it out of proportion because I had BPD. I genuinely didn't know how to discern what was reality and what was cognitive distortion. This sort of allowed him to just repeatedly treat me badly because it gave him an easy out. I didn't fully see it and always gave him the benefit of the doubt while I was in the relationship, then I got out and I've recently been reading back through some of my texts (expecting to feel at fault for certain things), but actually coming out incredibly angry that I was softening how I actually felt so much and he was coming across as not reflective or introspective in the slightest and just decided things were my fault when most of the time I had valid reason to be upset. After I broke things off with him and told him I wasn't ready for the relationship he would make sure I was still dependent on him emotionally then make a romantic move on me eventually rather than just respecting my boundaries and letting it go. I also think I was just too weak to tell him assertively to stop, which is on me and makes me disgusted.