These past months, I've been more depressed and I keep splitting on my partner. I feel like being in a relationship brings out the bad side of me. The side where I fear that the person is going to leave me but I want them to stay. But at the same time I push them away because I hate what I do to them. I know they feel tired from dealing with me every day. I'm constantly sad and drowned in my thoughts. I constantly start fights because I don't feel like they care enough. I feel like no one understands me even if they say they do. I don't believe them. I don't know what to do anymore, I hate myself more and more every day. Seeing my partner suffer because of me hurts and I want them to let me go but I don't want to be alone. It doesn't help that I don't really have anyone else in my life. I don't have friends all that much. My family is complicated and I don't really share my life with them. They're traditional Asian, so mental health is automatically out the door. Feels like my life should end soon, what's the point if I'm like this. I can't even function normally to have a relationship with people.