


I (20m) don’t even know how to explain this. Me and my girlfriend have been together again for 3 months. I truly love her. We dated for a month before, earlier this year.  I ended it. It wasn’t what I wanted. During the period we were broken up, I still hung out with my ex(her), I even got with someone else. Just to eventually get back together. It all happened so quickly. 

I entered therapy bc of my guilt and anxiety, bc of me getting with someone when I was single. Yep. It just bothers me so much, bc I wonder what if she did it to me? Idk how she forgave me, and when I look at her I just look at her with guilt. I can’t look at my girlfriend and be happy Like when I look at my girlfriend, I look with regret. So there’s something in my head saying I can’t love her. I have these days when my mind isn’t the same. 

I think I suffer from dissociation. When we had dinner the other day, I just didn’t acknowledge her, it’s like she didn’t exist. When I looked at her, my mind felt her presence wasn’t there. It felt like I was high. When I look at her, like I’m not aware of her. If this makes any sense? Well , today in my head, I just wasn’t happy,  we were on FaceTime I looked at her nose, it’s unsymmetrical, like so many others, and something just attacked my mind. Then I started m questioning if I find her attractive still, bc of her nose ??? like what ? It’s all I keep looking at, and it’s bothering me. It’s my mind trying to attack me because of my guilt thinking I don’t deserve her. I don’t know what to do. I’m typing this, and it’s like I’m high. I keep using that word, but idk what else to say. Like when I type my mind just isn’t fully awake. 

Idk If meds will work, more therapy. I don’t know. I’m scared these thoughts are gonna cause me to end it.