Hi! I’m bipolar type 2 and honestly with the Phillies in the World Series and my birthday I have been drinking a lot. Not my best idea. My friends didn’t like my boyfriend and I was insanely stressed and they spilled one night how much they didn’t like him and I feel like I gaslit myself into thinking I wasn’t happy based on what they were saying…. they said me that I haven’t been myself since being with him and didn’t have an emotional connection.

I ended up becoming insanely depressed and then manic and impulsively broke up with my boyfriend and instantly regretted it hours later. I was able to go to therapy and my psychiatrist and was told I’m having a mixed episode. I’m more self aware now and I want to get back together with my boyfriend but don’t know how to find the words to explain that in a manic episode I let others judgment affect my own and led me to a very rushed stupid decision. I’m incredibly depressed about the situation and I want to put the effort in to let him know how much I care and do want to be with him but am scared my impulsive actions have ruined this forever. This man is everything I’ve ever wanted in a person and I will do anything to be with him again.

We’re supposed to talk tomorrow and it’s difficult for me to describe how being bipolar led to such a dumb decision on my part. I know it’s not an excuse for my actions but just a factor. I feel so incredibly stupid and if I could go back in time I would literally kick the shit out of myself for letting somebody who makes me so happy go. How do I approach this without fully blaming my disorder?