So.. I was raped when I was 7 and it has been years but instead of absolutely being traumatised by even the mention of sex, I crave it. I know I need it for validation I didn't receive as a child but the fact I practically want to make myself feel abused again is messing with my head. I don't want to be like this but there isn't much I can do to change. I need to have sex to replace the lack of warmth but right after I have sex, I'd feel used and depressed even though I wanted to be used. I'm scared of myself.