Unironically, not being blinded by depression; failed out of college 3 times, actively failing at saving any money at all, can't even get passed the planning stage of trying to start a business, dont own a house, won't be able to own a house for the foreseeable future, couldn't live on my own for even an entire year, single at 33, too emotionally beat up to to want to even try to date or start a family, can't make a living off of art, unable to kill myself, can't get out of debt...

It took me 7 years to get my driver's license   my mom cried.  I've failed at so much shit my mom actually cried with joy when I  accomplished something as quotidian as driving. 

The only thing I'm proud of is having quit smoking. 

Inb4 some patronizing,  insignificant bullshit.  Getting out of bed and doing the dishes isn't an accomplishment