I am really not doing well. 

I've been having panic attacks almost daily and slef-harming a lot. I've lost like 20 pounds in the last three months, and was already underweight before. I'm sleeping way too much. Barely going out except for groceries and my one IRL class. I can barely get my course work done and am falling behind. I've tried to hang myself twice recently, and got close to jumping off a bridge last weekend. 

Like I said, I'm not doing well. Just spent an hour counting my hoarded meds and holy shit, I have a lot. I am really fucking tempted rn, not going to lie. I try my best to be honest with my therapist and maybe he just doesn't know what to do/is waiting for me to I intimate something, but I am so stuck and I don't want to continue anymore. I don't think I can keep reaching out and having nothing change. I don't know how to communicate all the pain I feel. 

I'm scared. I'm sad. I'm tired. I don't know what to do. I just want things to be okay.