Cut my hair yesterday (w safety scissors, lol) and now I want to shave my head. Feeling impulsive af lately, combined with learning a favorite coach of mine will no longer be around for the classes I take. I’ve been like a lot angrier and more upset than I thought I’d be, to the point I cut my hair yesterday, but today I was reviewing my reddit posts and saw that my v first one was actually about her. I was surprised bc she wasn’t the coach I’d consider my “favorite”, she wasn’t the coach I had been crushing on forever, she was just like, my friend, who I ended up growing to like. And the reminder that even back then when I didn’t think we were friends, that her kindness and enthusiasm stood out to me, I’m just so much more upset and feeling like I need to do something like all shocking and impulsive or something for my pain, not really sure how to describe it.
It’s like, not abandonment fear, it’s just like I’m so upset that when I finally find someone I like and then admit publicly that I like them (instead of just acting standoffish), it’s like god takes them away and I’m so angry bc she helped me so much and I loved going to class to workout with her there and now I just don’t want to. 
Also it’s a month until her schedule switches but I’m like boycotting her classes this month anyway bc I’m so upset. Ugh.