Do you ever gaslight yourself into thinking this is all made up? This past year I have been doing moderately well and mostly keeping it together. It seems like i’m properly medicated for now but It was this time last year that I was hospitalized for a manic episode and looking back, its hard to believe that that was really me and I actually did all those things. While manic obviously I’m not able to fully see how strangely im thinking or acting. While depressed, Im unable to imagine having possibly felt any better. But even while relatively well adjusted and medicated I still think “well I feel fine now so there must not be any disorder”.  Even when i look back on some of the insane stuff Ive done I keep trying to find other explanations. Self awareness is difficult