I'm 20. Me being depressed is kinda ironic because I've always had problems in life and I always laughed them off cause I knew I could solve them one way or another. I've never felt "alive" because I felt nothing In a heightened scale, everything was so ordinary and just minute.. see things which can be fixed or replaced or problems that come with no definite effect directly on me have never happened. or atleast I didn't let situations get to me. until Love happened. ever since the beginning I knew I wasn't worthy of love because I didn't like people that much. I always knew what people had to offer and what they were hiding if they were... but it all changed last October. 
last October I met this person. she was my best friend before even October but during that month. i fell in love. this was so new. she meant everything to me and I was her best friend. her eyes, her voice and her touch all made me feel so alive. So alive infact that me, the person who never prefers calls, called everyday just to talk. and she did the same too. it went on for about a couple months and we hungout for a couple times, but I never confessed. we still were "best friends". but then another older guy confessed to her. she barely knew him. and now she's attached to him. she has a group of new friends and she hangsout a lot with them. and just like that before I even knew it. I wasn't texting her anymore, and calling is useless cuz she won't pickup. we're drifting apart. maybe we already did. and it's killing me. i love her. the idea of her being with someone else. it's killing me. me being without her to talk to. it's killing me. Me typing everything here instead of telling her like I tell her all my Problems just because I'm afraid for the first time in my life, it's killing me.