I'm feeling so sad my limbs and my organs hurt. I cannot stop crying anxiously and shaking. My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. We met during lockdown and we had so much time for each other. Now we both got really busy with life, her especially with her postgrad. We currently live together but I feel totally alone in the relationship sometimes..

These past two months she's been so busy I mostly only see her before sleeping and she's exhausted etc. Whenever we make time for each other we both seem to be wrapped up in our own  stuff and not really connecting like I would like to. I think I'm starting to go into crisis mode because of this lack of connection and intimacy, I feel like I need to do lots of healing myself but her lack of attention and desire to share stuff with me is really affecting my mental health. I don't think she picks up on my invitations to make emotional connection and it really hurts. Sometimes I feel denied and rejected, when I talk about something that has been affecting me she often would roll her eyes or tell me that she's tired/fed up hearing about X. I feel like she doesn't understand anymore that I'm desperate for her to share her own internal world and her experiences. When I've told her I'm feeling really sad about us she just tells me she's too tired and stressed and she can't deal with the emotional talk rn etc. Though I understand she's really struggling ATM  It just leaves me feeling totally neglected and ignored. I feel like I'm grieveng the relationship we used to have where we both bonded over talking about each others feelings and she was as curios about my inner world. I fell in love with her over a deep intellectual connection where I felt understood and celebrated and that someone was there for me and I was there for someone. 



I have recently found myself reacting with resentment, being very defensive etc. i even found myself being slightly jealous of her friends and how she manages to squeeze them in her busy schedule. I feel like I might be trying to get her attention in a very immature way too which is not fair on her at all, but it is true I might have some attachment wounds.. our sex life has also been very neglected, we used to be very sexual and now when I'm in the mood she's not in the mood and viceversa. I think she'd say she really tried to have sex with me and I didn't make it happen or whatever but I honestly think she doesn't try hard enough to make me feel desired. 

However I cannot deal with the emotional turmoil anymore, I'm crying and shaking constantly, feeling pain in my limbs and feeling grief and heartbreak. I don't know if I'm just being a needy person with unrealistic expectations or if she has really checked out and is keeping me around for comfort. I was once so in love with her it hurts me immensely to be now in this situation. I'm confused and scared and I don't know what to do anymore. 

My biggest fear is that when she finishes the postgrad everything stays the same.