I'm 28, and been housebound due to health issues since fall of 2016. I was a dean's list student in college for the first time and very excited about my future. Then I got sick and my entire life has gone to shit for the most part (I try to look at the silver linings the best that I can)   


But I'm running out of fuel. COVID especially has been rough because I haven't seen a friend since 2019. My health issues don't have a proper "label" so it's really hard to explain things to people / doctors/ etc. Right now I'm very stressed about my teeth because it's been 2 years since I got a cleaning and I think I've got a cavity. I really don't want to lose my teeth because before my father passed I watched him struggle to eat because of his teeth,  and it was one of the saddest things to witness honestly.   


I haven't been able to be intimate with anyone since 2016. Dating while being housebound , having no income and barely being able to function seems impossible. I've had a few connections but they always fade because I can't actually go visit the people I meet. (Silver Lining - It was for the best because they weren't people I'd like to actually be with, looking back at it now) But either way, it'd still be nice to have a connection.   


I've got a few close friends, but it's not that fulfilling (maybe because I can't see them in person) Nothing is fulfilling which is the biggest problem. The main thing I do to keep myself occupied is video games, and I kinda hate them now. I just want to be better and live a "normal" life again.   


Lastly, I live with my apathetic step father and narcissistic mother. My mom especially is just awful to deal with because it's like walking on eggshells constantly. She's so hypocritical and manipulative it's awful. I'm fighting to get disability for the second time but it takes forever (and honestly not really sure that moving out will help)   


I'm just.... tired. Tired of being tired / sick all the time. Tired of pushing through this. I've read that accepting your life will make it better, but I've tried and it doesn't help. None of my human needs are getting met besides food/water/shelter etc.   


If things don't get better soon / by the end of the year I really just want to give up. I'm very afraid to do that though which sucks, but I guess it has me chugging along. IDK what to do anymore, I've tried everything...