Last semester was so draining on me. I stopped giving a fuck with online classes (even though my grades didn’t really drop), started getting high everyday, lost interest in my degree program, and lost contact with the couple people from my classes that I talked to. I told myself I’d take a break from the end of the semester (mid April) to May and then look for work. I plan on moving away from home to start a new degree program that I actually feel interested in. 


Then May rolled around, and I stopped caring. People that I thought cared for me stopped talking to me out of nowhere at basically the same time. I felt like it was my fault, even though I still don’t know why it all happened at once. I put off looking for work for another month, and everyday I felt guilt for not working. I told myself I needed the break, but everyday I worried.


June came along, and one of my good friends starts talking to me again. No explanation why they didn’t talk to me in over a month, but things went back to normal with her. We went hiking, had a good time. We talk more frequently now, and we hung out earlier today too. 


In the past week, I started caring again. Im finally working on myself. I quit weed, built a resume, booked my car inspection, started working out for the first time in forever, and watching videos related to my new program (starting in January, taking Fall semester off because I missed the deadline to apply, and also feel like I’d like to work for a semester instead of going right back to school). I plan on emailing an advisor about my new degree and what I need to apply, booking a haircut (long overdue), and dropping off resumes this week. I’m feeling really motivated working out, hope to continue everyday.


It feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I finally don’t feel guilty everyday for doing nothing. There’s still some things I need to figure out. But for the first time in months, I’m trying. And it feels good.