I moved in with my boyfriend a few weeks ago. I am absolutely head over heels in love with this man, he’s patient with me, doesn’t take my episodes personally, and is successful with a career/plan for the future. I however, was diagnosed with BPD, Bipolar II, and PTSD when I was 18. My childhood was traumatic. SA, Physical abuse, and major emotional trauma. My mother abandoned me more than once, and now I am deathly afraid of being left by the people I love most. I haven’t had a steady job in 5 months. I can’t seem to keep one due to crippling anxiety that makes me not want to go to work. My new job told me to take a few weeks off, and they would accept me back with open arms (I’m a christian preschool teacher) I love my job, I love my kids and the people I work with. But I called off 2 days in one week, I couldn’t bring myself to go. The first time, I had an excuse because I have blood pressure issues and was passing out. But today, I simply couldn’t do it. My partner has been taking care of EVERYTHING financially and I have been doing my best to take care of the house, although he picks up my slack when i’m down. He’s absolutely amazing and everything i’ve ever wanted. He knows i’m on leave after just starting this job a few weeks ago, and says he’s perfectly okay with continuing to take care of the both of us, but I feel so guilty. I haven’t wanted to be around anyone besides him, and My social anxiety is at its worst since I was a child. I had a full blown panic attack this morning about it, I attempted SH, he stopped me and as much as he reassured me, I feel like it’s going to become too much and he’s going to leave. I have never felt this way about anyone ever, and losing him would completely shatter me. How do I become a functional member of society again, and how do I start to believe he’s going to stay no matter what my brain tells me?