I don't feel at home anywhere and I have no purpose. The world is dying and it's full of bad people doing bad things. I can't go anywhere. I am in debt. I hate my job and all my relationships fail. All my goals are becoming unobtainable. I'm getting old and my delusions of being smart and attractive have gone away. I am neither. I am alone and no one will love me and I have no one to love. I don't want to be alive but I'm too chicken to kill myself. I never ever ever feel safe. I can never ever ever trust anyone.   


I deserve nothing and I have nothing and that's what I will have. So why am I alive? How do I stop the ripping tearing pain in my chest? how do I stop the empty? I can't stop feeling everything. I'm sober and I can't get out of my self and it's killing me. So much of my life is grief and the meaning and reality of it all is fading away.   


what can I do to stop it?