I would’ve posted this in the marriage or a relationship subreddit, but my husband (24M) frequents those so this is my only safe place. I (25F) have depression and it’s hard for me to ask for anything, including attention/quality time. My husband knows that. However quality time is my love language and when it’s lacking I begin feeling distant from my husband. We haven’t gotten to spend much time together this past month due to opposite work schedules and I feel it. We have though been snowed in together the past four days, which sounds dreamy but my depression has been awful and honestly we’ve spent more time apart doing our own things than together. And I get it—when he’s on his night shift he doesn’t get as much time to do the things he loves, like play games. So he’s pretty much been catching up on gaming these past few days, and I’m glad he’s able to relax with that but I feel lonely even though he’s home, sometime in the same room. And yeah, maybe I could ask if he wants to hang out. But a part of me is sad that he hasn’t suggested anything or asked to at all. I’ve been telling him how alone I’ve been feeling. And I did last night ask him if he wanted to do something today, maybe play a game together. But it’s already mid-afternoon and he’s hopped on his game again. Right before that, we were sitting on the couch together and I had put aside my game, wanting to give him some of my attention. But he just kept watching YouTube on his iPad.

I feel like I can’t compete with technology. If it’s not a video game it’s his phone or iPad—at the dinner table with us, in bed with us. And I know I’m guilty of that too to an extent, but I try to be intentional about focusing on him/us when we’re together. And I feel bad about asking him to put his phone away, I don’t know maybe I shouldn’t but like it’s his stuff and his choice to use it as he pleases. Plus he has ADD and watching or playing something helps with that so he has something to focus on, I don’t know. It’s just saddening sometimes when I want some attention/time with him of some sort. With depression I feel like I have the emotions of a child. I don’t like seeming selfish. So instead of asking for his time I just go to a different room and cry in secret, hoping at some point he’ll come wondering where I’m at. At my lowest points I wonder if he’d regret not spending more time with me if I decide to leave here one day.

I know things may not change unless I tell him how I really feel about all of this, but like I said depression makes things harder and I hope some of you might understand that. And just as an FYI, I’m not medicated but I am currently in therapy.