I think I'm about to be fired from work. Worse yet, my supervisor who has been a close friend since before she was promoted might also be on the chopping block and I feel like it's my fault. I feel like I've ruined everything. If she gets fired I feel like I'll lose her as a friend and I can't stand that idea. 

Back story : last year I applied for a position within the company and I messed it up. To put it simple, I was waiting for a phone call but I was sent an email (to my personal email I rarely check).so by the time I saw the email asking for the interview, it was too late.

So I applied for a different position a few months later. Didn't get an interview again because I was missing one of the requirements for the position (experience or a degree). I was heart broken and demoralized.

It took me a while to find enough courage and strength to apply for a third position months later. Again, rejection before an interview with no answers why this time.

By now I'd had enough. I was already fighting off my bpd and these losses were just making things worse for me. I started to feel like I needed to quit. Clearly they didn't want me there enough to give me a chance at moving forward. I was getting bitter and angry and my work performance dropped. I was still doing my job well but I had quit going above and beyond. More happened along the way there but I was (and still) felt like I was hated and they were pushing me to quit. 

Last week a new position opened. It was a position that I highly coveted and I knew that I would be a good fit. So I applied. Well the rule is that you have to tell your supervisors before you apply to anything within. The position was posted on my day off so I went ahead and applied with the plan to tell my supervisors about it when I returned to work. Huge mistake. I was disqualified. Additionally I had "disciplinary action" the day before for minor errors in my paperwork and that also disqualified me.

Of course as all bad days go, when I went to go home, my car wouldn't start. And it didn't start the following morning so I called out. I had woken up that morning and immediately started crying hysterically so I was in a terrible headspace. I ended up calling out the incorrect way. This is where my friend tried to cover for me. I didn't ask her to but obviously she's a great friend so she did. Well they caught her in the lie and now they're doing an "open investigation" and I have no idea who the real target is. Her, me or us both.

As we know, when life is uncertain for pwBPD we go into a panic and it feels like everything is awful and that I must be the biggest fuck up in the world. I'm currently desperately looking for a new job so I can quit before I'm fired. That adds a ton more stress and my moods are all over the place.

So anyone have advice? Stories about how you fucked up bad and what happened?