I think I don't deserve anything, it's so ingrained into me that I didn't even realise the reason why I destroy so many friendships, the reason why I have so many self-destructive behaviours because I have been genuinely convinced that I don't deserve anything good and that all that is good will eventually end.

I've been disappointed time and time again by people who "make promises" and now I'm breaking those promises before I get the chance to be hurt.

I think I hurt myself and others to prove to myself that everyone will eventually leave... because maybe that way, my prediction was right and I'm not **as** disappointed?

Whatever it is, I'm sick of this.