I posted this on /bpdmemes and someone said it might be useful to others. It was in response to a meme which basically said the more people know you, the less they like you. Or something like that. 

That is EXACTLY how I feel. I’ve felt that way for years. The more they know me, the more likely they are to have seen all the bad parts of me, the defective shameful bits. I have a few strategies I try and employ these days to deal with this.

1.	⁠Don’t spend too much time with any one person. Hard when you have a current favourite person though. But for everyone else, works quite well.
2.	⁠Stay away from people when being (my term) a bad borderline. So angry, irritable, rageful, negative, dyspeptic, dysphoric. This can cause other problems, because work is work, and some social events are seen as obligatory, like weddings etc. It is a balancing act. But I have destroyed friendships in one night through a rage episode. I’d rather be thought of as flaky.
3.	⁠Live by yourself. I know some are really uncomfortable with this, but I love it now. Does get lonely sometimes, but it is worth it. Get a pet, they are great. Borderlines are known to be fabulous with pets. They never complain we love them too much.
4.	⁠Be a fringe dweller, never be the centre of any group. Retain some mystery. No one needs to see the churning mess that is us. Sorry, but it’s true, it scares the crap out of most people. That way you can come and go, without bothering anyone, and just get close to the people that really interest you. Still, don’t overcommit and see them too much.
5.	⁠Be really mindful about sending any communications (email, text) when angry or distressed. These can also be a deal breaker. Write them without adding the recipient. Read. Read again. Save to notes on your phone. And only press send if absolutely necessary. This one, I generally only f*ck up when I have really bad PMT (2-3 days a month) OR when it is my favourite person, and they have shown some tolerance for this bad behaviour in the past. What also helps is reading them later. And being really grateful that you didn’t press send at the time.

I am sure that all sounds quite calculated, and it is. There are more, but these are the main ones. But, I have been dealing with this for 30 years now, and find this is what works for me. I do not do close very well, and really have learned to be OK with my own company. I still have intense fears of abandonment and rejection, but if you don’t get too close in the first place, then you can’t get anywhere near as hurt.