CW: self harm
Today I had a horrible day. lately my meds have not been working and my mood swings and anxiety have been through the roof it’s been hard to cope. I’ve been having problems at home which hasn’t made it any better at all. I was already very depressed but today I had my breaking point I got so angry I started throwing things then immediately after I got a wave of depression got sad and cried I had to distract myself in order to not relapse and physically harm myself, I scratched myself as a distraction I called him twice. He didn’t answer. It’s his day off and I know he is not doing anything he text me about half an hour later and asked why I called I sarcastically apologized for disturbing him, before even starting a conversation he said he couldn’t talk cause he had to go back to playing video games with his friends and he was just on a “break”. anyone could tell I was upset, it’s been 5 hours. It’s 3:30am. He plays video games with his friends every single night, after work the first thing he does is play video games then call me. He is a grown man. It didn’t bother me at first because he works hard and it’s long hours but this is ridiculous. I texted him “goodnight.” At 1am just so he knows that I am mad and fed up I am done I am never speaking to him again I’ve blocked his calls and texts I don’t need to be with someone that puts video games before me. I am so angry and hurt I can’t even put it in words, I am always there for him but he is never there for me and that was one of the reasons I was so sad today, because no one is ever there for me yet I’m always there for everyone and go out of my way for them. I needed someone today, I needed proof that somebody cared about me and I got the complete opposite. I’m still trying to distract myself and I still have no one. I’m just going to cut everyone off I am better off alone I want nothing to do with him my family or anyone else I just want to get away from it all. just want stay in my room wait till it’s over