Idk anymore, idk what to do, who I am, where I’m going and what’s the purpose of it or anything. I try to be the person I want to be, or at least I try to be a certain idea ig. I have this image of a person I want to be and I can never seem to reach it. Wether I loose myself in the process or it gets derailed because I fuck up, I always loose. Heartbreak, death, depression, addiction, it’s always followed me. I’ve tried dealing with my problems productively and it only seems to create more, I feel so isolated from everyone around me and I am so lonely. It feels weird admitting it out loud but I genuinely feel so alone, no one sees me at all. I have so many regrets and there are so many things I wish I did differently or things I said and everyday I go on living thinking about it, the more I hate myself. There were so many points in my life where I could have just stopped and I didn’t and now I’m living with the consequences of my actions. Im not suicidal but I have no will to live and the only reason I say I’m not suicidal is because I know how impractical the affects would be but even still, I want to die. I have this predicament im in and it feels like a good analogy for my life, I like this girl and I want to ask her out,but if she says no I won’t be able to talk to her because it would be weird, so at least me keeping my mouth shut means I can still talk and see her everyday.