Tw: mention of suicidal thoughts, self harm, drug use

My new therapist fucked me up.  She told me that my bpd diagnosis was probably false. I've only had 1 session with her so far. She doesn't know anything about personality as of yet technically. I'm an idiot. I hate her I hope to never see her again. it's irrational for me to feel that way. she's not even incorrect per se. Itd be smart to just stop seeing her if I really didn't like herx but i can't help but want to prove myself.

I took way too much of several different pills of sortsand made myself bleed a lot. I might check myself in a hospital but probably not. I was literally having a good day before this. It's crazy how one comment can ruin me this much. My Brwin is fucked.

Her reasoning behind the diagnosis being false was because 1. I'm young (19 right now). 2. I'm bipolar. The first diagnosis t was made when I was 17 by two seperate psychiatrists. I was under 18 so I don't know if that even counts. I received another diagnosis from my current psychiatrist at 18 and am still being treated for it now. She said that it was especially false because I'm bipolar and the symptoms are the "same".   They can be similar but honestly are very different. she was hesitant to believe I was even bipolar because I'm young. She doesn't know my symptoms and isn't not qualified to diagnose.

Whether or not I actually have bpd is unknown. It has been the main way I've made sense of my relationships and feelings. It's what ive been treated with for the past 2 years. What fucked me up is that she treated me like I didn't even know what bpd meant (even if it's a misdiagnosis, i fucking know what it means)  She talked to me as if I was a child. I always pretend to agree with people so they like me, so I acted like I did.

This post is meaningless. I just need to get it out of my system. It's just hard. I have pretty bad imposter syndrome with most things. The label of "bpd" was something that helped me make sense of my experience. It helped my parents and partner better understand me better. I don't even know. I don't know how to let go

Please be nice I'm young and stupid and I am having a shitty day