So I'm in a relationship, and he's firstly wonderful, but also younger than me and a bit on the naive, sheltered side.  He knows about my BPD (and other plethora of issues), and I've been super open with him about pretty much everything, because at one point I made a decision that it was either honesty or nothing, and despite my absolute terror of telling him, he was incredibly understanding and kind and he's already seen me through some episodes that I'm sure probably really scared him, but he refused to acknowledge it if that was the case.  

Anyway, my BPD diagnosis came after some serious episodes I had post-breakup with a narcissist (N), who preyed on a lot of my insecurities and in a lot of ways, really broke my mind as well as my spirit and my heart.  I am scared.  I'm scared to trust and I'm scared to admit it.  I've been working really hard with my therapist (unmedicated at present due to several reasons) on mindful thinking and bringing myself out of rough states, and she suggested I tell him about all my fears and i did this, and holy everything he said "I'm not going to lie, this is a lot, but I'm not one of those people who is going to give up on you or run away because of 'a lot,' I know I can't cure you or make you different, but I'll still stand by you and be with you through it.  I'll show you you can trust me."

Those fears don't go away, of course.  I'm afraid I'll hurt him, I'm afraid he'll run.  I'm afraid I'll push him away and run, since I did that to a lot of people already.  It's been years since I've had a healthy relationship and now that it looks like I'm actually in one, I'm suuuper scared and nervous and just an emotional train wreck.  I'm working so hard to keep that fear away and keep my head above water.

I want a future with this man.  I want to be as good to him as I can and I'm so scared I'm going to hurt him that I almost can't concentrate on much else.  I'm grateful he's being so understanding, but I'm sooo scared I won't be able to be what he needs while he's busy being exactly what I need, if that makes any sense.