I remember even as a kid and preteen i was just so interested in death. Like not the "what happens after" aspect(im interested in that way more now) but the physical parts of it, the real parts of it. I learned all about how the human body decomposes, how different environments influence the rate of decomposition, the funeral industry and how autopsies and embalmings are done, literally everything under the sun. I used to think i was just curious and that in a different universe i became a doctor/forensic scientist/mortician or some shit, but now i know it was literally just the fear of death driving me to gain all this knowledge. Death is uncontrollable, it's often sudden and most importantly it's forever. I guess my childhood mind found this concept absolutely terrifying and in order to cope and gain some kind of semblance of control it wanted to learn as much as it possible about this scary thing. I feel like me being deeply depressed and anxious and god knows what else somehow ties back to that obsession.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? If so, could you share your thoughts with me?