I (19NB) am currently awake at 5:00 am and have been up all night. Probably not going to sleep tonight. My anxiety has been too bad. I keep thinking about all the problems I have to deal with and how overwhelming it is to have all of these things present at one time. 

I just have to keep reminding myself that it can get better and that I can get better. I know it can get better because I’ve seen it get better. I’ve seen it get better even after feeling like the way I feel now. I know it can get better but man, it really does suck having to deal with this all the time. It’s even worse having to deal with it after a few days of actually feeling relatively normal and more like myself than I have in years. I even felt good enough to hang out with some good friends that I hadn’t seen in over a year because I was too busy isolating myself due to god knows what. Now even the simplest of tasks like going to the store are completely out of the question. That’s the worst part about it. Everything can seemingly be going great, improving everyday, then BOOM back to square one. 

It’s a process, I guess. I just want to feel the way I used to feel. I want to be there for my friends and family. I don’t just want to be there for my friends and family, I want to be my authentic self around them again.