CW: MENTIONS OF SEXUAL ASSAULT ANE SUICIDE ATTEMPTS

Hi everyone

So my partner, (I’ll call them L) and I have been together for nearly a year now. We’re classic U-haul lesbians so things moved pretty quick and we’ve lived together for about 10 months probably.

I was already aware of L’s mental health issues when I began dating them, however unfortunately they didn’t seek help until they met me and I motivated them to. They are diagnosed with multiple illnesses as well as BPD. I have mental illness diagnoses but I do not have BPD.

We have been through their treatment together, as well as multiple suicide attempts. Unfortunately due to our country’s extremely shitty mental health system L believes they haven’t made much progress. They actually have heaps but unfortunately due to shitty psychiatrists and caseworkers it does feel like the treatment isn’t going anywhere sometimes.

They unfortunately have experienced sexual assault from a past partner. I have communicated boundaries with them, and although I have made it very obvious that I’m not interested in sex if they aren’t, and I will always ask for verbal consent if they initiate something, they are of course still traumatised and coping with the effects of said abuse. As a result they think they aren’t enough for me and think I’m cheating on them quite regularly. I don’t take offense to this as I understand it’s a disordered thought that has resulted from trauma, but I can’t figure out how to make them feel better or convince them that I’m not cheating and they are enough etc. Of course because of their past trauma (their abuser also cheated on them) they don’t believe me when I try to reassure them.

Is there anyway I can help them with this? I know they feel guilt about thinking these things and I try to remind them that I love them and they are a good  person but I can’t help but think I’m not doing enough. They also aren’t the best communicator and I know they withhold things from me as not to offend me.

I love them so much and want to help them the best I can. Any advice would be much appreciated