i have a girlfriend... well.. had, today she told me that she can no longer bear with me and my disorder, that she doesnt love me enough to continue everything
throughout my entire live i never had a single person stay with me for more than a year, usually i ditch everyone in a day or two looking for a perfect person to have as my friend, all these boring people  cannot fulfill my needs if that makes sense.
she loved me since middle school, we became friends relatively recently, and now 10 months later she told me the thing above, throughout these 10 months i understood that i want to live for her and for her only, that i dont need anyone else, i started getting rid of people i talked to, she was literally ideal, she fulfilled all my needs, she loved me, she talked to me, i couldnt imagine my life without her, she always forgiven me for the bad things i said when i was in a bad state, she always did... i never meant to say them and she knew that, i would always cincerely apologise after being a dick and she would forgive me, we would move on, have a good time together, some dumb shit would happen and we would argue again, rinse and repeat or whatever the phrase goes.
i found out about bpd quite recently (3 weeks ago or so) i could relate to all of you people, i could finally explain why am i so problematic to her, i was wondering what was wrong with me before this too, she accepted me as i am, told me she will learn about this disorder and everything will be alright in our relationship, today she said the opposite, i have nothing to live for, all the normal people, i wont be able to find another one, i know how itll end, the same way as with everyone, i hate myself with my entire heart and have no desire to live anymore. i dont know what to do with life now.
i also apologize for my poor english, still learning, well... not that it matters anymore.