I’m trying so hard to let this go. 

Background: My ex-wife had primary custody of my son. She is an alcoholic, and has 18 months of sobriety. She’s an amazing mother when she’s sober. She’s an absentee mother when she drinks. We get along great and are coparenting superstars. She probably has an undiagnosed personality disorder, and I have a very much diagnosed personality disorder. We were incredibly codependent and I have no desire to get back together.

Issue: She gets her value and her happiness from the attention of men. Not a judgment, just a fact that even she acknowledges. She recently broke up with a boyfriend of three months and has struggled to kick the depression that’s followed, and yesterday she “let slip” that she was going to go visit and ex (from a looong time ago) today and she kept dropping hints that she was going to drink. 

I’m very upset about her decisions and especially upset about how her drinking again may affect my son. I told her how I felt (and did a good job controlling my emotions), but she’s still going to do it.

Now my instinct is to call her mom, call her sponsor, call the ex bf, everyone under the sun to keep her from going down that road again. But how much of it is my business? How much do I get a say in her drinking? I’m scared and upset about how it’ll affect my son. I’m in an emotional spiral and I’m having a hard time pulling myself out of it.