Here I am high once again. Now I bet your guessing that I’ve been smoking for years to be addicted to weed. Nope. I have only been smoking daily for about a month now. I used to be the most anti-weed person on the planet. I even ended a serious relationship of mine over it years ago. I believed it did nothing for you other than make you a lazy bum. Fast forward a bit and now I use weed daily to cope with my anxiety disorder. I’ve been battling my anxiety for over a year now. I’ve tried the meds, therapy, quit vaping, quit caffeine, and even incorporated healthy habits like meditation/exercise into my daily routine. Still with all of these things I was battling anxiety. Panic attacks weekly if not daily. Constantly living somewhere between depersonalization and derealization. Thought about suicide many times. How life can never be the same for me again because of my anxiety. Some of my goals will never be achieved because of it and I had to learn to accept that. I was an outgoing go-getter to now someone afraid to confront a stranger. A few months ago my current girlfriend recommended trying weed (she used to smoke but doesn’t now). I didn’t want to do weed but was opened to CBD. So I tried full-spectrum CBD for a few months with mostly positive effects but then one day it seemed like it just kinda stopped working. I still have CBD products to use when I can’t smoke but more on that topic in just a bit. So I look into weed for helping with my anxiety since some people do say it works. I can attest weed has fixed a lot of my anxiety. 

I feel alive again. I actually feel like leaving my house for once. The world used to seem like a bad place for so long and now I look at it with a brand new perspective even when I’m sober. Now it seems beautiful with opportunities everywhere. I look forward to going to work again. My relationship is the best it’s been this past year. Friends tell me they see a night and day difference in my personality even while I’m sober. The thing is I learn a lot about myself while high. It gives me the power to see through all the “noise” and find my true self. Learning these things has helped me live a better life while sober. It helps make me see what my anxious thoughts are and what my real thoughts are. I just feel like I have to smoke daily to keep my anxiety down. Now going back to my CBD comment. I believe THC has worked so well for me because it provides symptoms similar to my specific anxiety. The confusion, the off balances, the world not seeming real even. These are things I feel when I have anxiety but my body looks as anxiety as bad, but when I smoke and experience these symptoms it tricks my brain into thinking I’m high and high is a good thing. Weed helps with making you a happier person as well of course. These things really help my anxiety compared to CBD. Because it seems like the CBD can only do so much for me. 

So you are probably wondering why am I worried about being addicted to weed if my life has improved in every aspect? Well I’m worried I’m going to have to be high every minute to be alive. I worry that I’ll wake up one day 5 years from now wondering where the time went. I have goals to achieve and when I’m sober I do pursue these goals, but if I’m high I can only think about them. Now I have made LEAPS of progress towards some task/goals of mine over this past month. I just don’t want to get to a point where I have to be high to live. I also feel like when I’m high I don’t worry enough about some of the important things. I kinda just blow them off to worry about when I’m sober. This is something else I fear will become a bigger issue if I continue to smoke regularly. But if I don’t smoke regularly then I could go back to feeling bland and into hiding. Going back to a person that I’m ashamed I’ve become. 2 days from now I have an appointment to go get my medical marijuana card. I feel like once I get that then I’m signing myself up for quite a long period of time of smoking regularly. A part of me says to quit while I’m ahead, but the other part I also doesn’t want to go back to living the life I was just over a month ago. Let me know what you guys think I should do.