I had depression for about 2 years. I self harmed and was admitted into a psych ward. Then I met my gf and my depression instantly disappeared. But we've had a lot of problems that has caused very negative feelings and emotions inside of me. A few months ago I thought I was at the verge of another depression but suddenly I started feeling bliss but insane depression at the same time. It's like everything around me is so beautiful and colorful but I'm the most corrupted dark thing ever. Like I'm depressed but blissful at the same time. Like I'm being pulled from above and below at the same time.

I've had suspicions of me having BP2 or something similar and I don't know if this is a symptom of that or something. I have also experienced DPDR for the last 2 years because of drug use and trauma connected to my depression.

I though I would write this here and see if anyone knows what is going on with me. Thanks