Some days I sleep so less that I wake up questioning whether I even slept, not because I feel so very tired which I do, but because I wake up feeling so disoriented that I honestly don't know whether or not I've slept because all I can remember is being awake or waking up continuously. 

Then there are days where I'm sleeping too much and its not good quality sleep either. I keep waking up, but and then falling right back to sleep because my eyelids are just so heavy. On days like these, I can sleep anywhere from 12 hours to 18 hours, which means I'm awake at maximum only a couple hours. And on these days, like the days when I'm not sleeping enough, I'd wake up disoriented, only the difference is, instead of waking up questioning whether I ever slept, I'd wake up questioning whether I'm really awake or is this also a dream. 

So honestly, its now that I haven't tried. I need to have the energy to move to eat, but if all im doing is continuously sleeping or not sleeping at all, how in the world are you expecting me to have enough energy to eat? I'm a full-time student, a college junior, on top of that. I have midterms, homework, quizzes, lectures, and labs. They all require attention and time. Yet on top of my hectic sleep cycle, I've been having persistent migraines for over 2 weeks. Im taking all the meds as instructed, even the rescue, even the steroids, in fact, I've finished all of my steroids, and nothing works. The migraines are there every day when I wake up and when still there when I'm falling asleep. How am I to function? I can barely sleep, my migraines are consistent and unrelieved, im barely eating enough, im tired all the time, and I'm highly stressed by school. And there's also the family issues that comes up every once in a while as if there was someone counting and keeping track. And I have health issues. I have past traumas that I haven't had time to deal with. So tell me, what am I supposed to do? Am I not already trying my best? I still make sure I eat everyday tho perhaps not as much as I should. I still attend lectures and do homework. What needs to be taken cared of, I take care of. But I don't know why I have to live like this. It's not that I don't recognize that this is a problem and my priorities are off, but its not like I haven't tried. I tired. But when nothing you do changes anything, you learn ultimately that you can only just accept it. So all I've been doing is pushing myself harder and harder each day. I feel like a car that has been running continuously on the highways without a break, occasionally I may even need to accelerate. My gas runs low and I fill it up just enough to not stop running, but never a full tank. And the times when I take a break are the times when I'm filling up the gas, which is barely any time at all. And before I realized, I'm back on the road, driving, heading to a destination that I don't know. All I know is that I'm expected to drive, so I do. But honestly, I don't know how much longer I can last. I'm trying my best. I really am. I doing everything I'm told to. I'm not completing them well, but I'm doing them. I don't know. I don't know anymore. Why I'm typing this? What am I trying to get at? I don't know. I just don't. I'm sorry, I really don't know why. Or perhaps, I do. I don't know.