I (25f) feel like I'm a mistake, an error in existance and I'm not supposed to exust.

I hate my family they're all resentful of eachother and I'm jelaous of people with big happy families because it's something I crave for. A circle of safety and love.

I can't connect to anyone and don't have any friends, I just have people I know and don't know how to connect with them on a deeper level.

When it comes to my personality I feel like a blank slate and am anxious and afraid ill say somehimg or do something wrong when i am actually sociolizing. Im scared others will see how sad and miserable i am and i will push them away or theyll talk badly of me.

Nothing excites me and I dont see the point of living anymore. Ill never be happy and safe as i was when i was a child.

I didnt travel outside my country and am geberally home at my computer.

At this point im just waiting to rot away and die. I dont care anymore. I hate it here.