Nothing will ever change. I'm still going to end up a fat person who's never been loved in that way, who has never won in life, blah, blah, blah. Self terminating myself when I "cross the border". Fucking done. Life isn't an adventure anymore. It feels like that one dead end job that everyone works at in a small town because that's the only place in town. Life isn't fun anymore. I'm ready to "retire".