trauma, many sorts of abuse, commitment/attachment/abandonment issues, etcetera...

I have nightmares every night about my awful reality then I wake up dreading having to go thru another day.

I've been randomly getting dizzy these past few days but I also noticed that I haven't been able to recall what's bothering me very well and when I try to do so my mind jumps from one thought to the other without actually evaluating the memory if that makes any sense. It's almost like I'm dizzy because my mind is working so hard to repress these bad thoughts. I've had bad events happen to me over and over again with barely any breaks or time to process them. I'm scarred of becoming an empty shell and idk what the fuck is going on with me. I even tried to make a vent post before this because I thought that maybe writing it all out would help but nothing came out. the thoughts in my head are like a bunch of jumbled cables in a drawer. has anyone else experienced this? I feel dizzy as I'm typing this. It's a confusing feeling and it's very hard to describe.

if I absolutely had to I'd say it's overwhelming yet numb. I also feel disoriented? any sort of help would be greatly appreciated.