I prayed for years to have everyone turn on me and prayed they wouldn't care if I died or not. If no one cares if your dead no one gets hurt by you killing yourself. I've been looking for a way to kill myself such that no one is negatively affected. When they hear of my passing, I don't want sadness nor joy, just indifference. I want to take away their grieving beforehand so they don't lose a wink of sleep. So that I can hurt myself without concern.
I just want to hurt myself as much as I can.