 

hi  i dropped out of high school about a year and a half ago now due to  being suicidal and missing 2 years worth of school due to my depression.  i havent had a friend since about 8 and it was forced in a group or  family. im high func autism, no retardation or sensory issues, just very  very very bad at social shit and offends everyone and twitchy.

i  wasnt heavily bullied like physically, just pushing and name calling. i  probably actually bullied my peers more because i was that alone, like  stealing kids that hated mes schoolbag and burning it and burying it in a  forest. my classmates were scared of me and alienated me and laughed at  me whenever they were together. when they were with me on their own-  passing in bathrooms etc they just asked me am i good and looked scared  serious that i was going to fucking "shoot up the school".  the part  that confuses me is these minor shit talkings are giving me EXTREMELY  violent urges and flashbacks. likely due to the fact ive never had teen  years other than being in psych wards. never had a relationship ( i have  no idea why im mad about this im asexual because of antipsychotics side  effects)

at least 5 times a day i  just get so fucking mad, break some shit. hit stuff. i beat my parents  once when they were teasing me for an unrelated reason. no empathy no  feelings whatsoever i hit my fucking dog once because i liked seeing it  run away from me and flinch whenever it saw me. i used to love animals  and wanted to be a vet. i cannot control it. anyone help me out?