Trigger warning : suicide | eating disorder | drinking  

I was having a bad night and got tipsy/ I may have been in a manic episode as well. I relapsed in my bulimia and purged. I felt so extremely elated and happy.  

Last few months have been just falling deeper into a hole. I got tispy tonight and the whole combination was great until it wasn’t. I wanted to get tispy. I wanted to make bad choices and hurt myself, but I forget that people have opinions and can surprise me. 

I texted my friends telling them I was tispy as I usually did but this time I told them how suicidal I’ve been.  this guy I’m interested in was being extremely sweet and telling me he cares about me and doesn’t want me to say anything I would regret. 

My other friend was trying to be encouraging. 

I feel extremely embarrassed. Apart of me wanted them to know I wasn’t doing well and now that they do I’m angry at myself for showing them. Like why did I even do that, why am I so, just the way I am it’s embarrassing.