I’m only 21. I have my whole life ahead of me which scares the hell out of me. I suffer from an extreme case of social anxiety and depression, to the point where it has changed me into a heartless monster with no soul. A heart of stone, no empathy, no smiling, no crying. I’m just a shell. It has ate away at everything I once was as a happy little boy. Every time I walk outside I feel like I have 500 sniper rifles pointed at me. When I’m with people, they all seem like they have really figured out life, and genuinely enjoy living. And that scares the hell out of me. It shows me how much different I really am from them, and you can imagine how alone I must feel, in a deep, black hole. I see these people I hangout with die laughing of a simple meme, and i struggle to even smile. There is just so much stress caught up in my head, and anger towards the world, towards people. Even with being on a benzodiazepine, and therapy, I still feel the same way. I feel like a ticking time bomb waiting for someone to try to jab at me, then explode. I can’t keep living like this. Staying in my dark room all day Listening to depressing music like Linkin Park, trying to find someone who understands my pain, and the monster inside me. Every time I hear people talking I always assume it’s about me, bad things about me, and I can’t seem to convince myself I’m wrong. I am living in hell with so many mental problems. I’ve been keeping all of this bottled up inside for so many years. Everyday I visualize myself getting hit by a truck, or never waking up after overdosing. It’s so comforting and soothing. The thought of death. I don’t feel like I have a purpose on this earth. I just feel like everyone my age is so far ahead of me and has their life planned out, while I’m just trying to get through hour by hour. Every night I stare at the gun, gradually gripping it tighter day by day, until I decide I have had enough of this cold, cold world.