Just need to vent. 

I honestly hate this disorder so much. It makes me feel so so so alone and isolated, and my brain constantly tells me that people do it to me on purpose. Yesterday night a huge group of people I know had a gathering and of course I wasn’t invited. My emotional mind went OFF, and I was sat there the whole night thinking “what’s wrong with me?” then spiralling into self pity because oh yeah, I have EUPD and no one will ever want to be my friend. I’m having DBT atm but of course my wise mind was nowhere to be found at this point. 

Does anyone else feel demonised to the point in which it seems you’re a social pariah? I know I’m not invited to these things because I’m kind of a hermit and introverted but my brain just screams at me it’s because I’m a freak, I’m ugly, I’m not normal, all because of my BPD. It just further infuriates me that twitter culture is so quick to defend depressed/anxious people and their behaviour but once someone with BPD exhibits symptoms we’re labelled as toxic, abusive, whatever else. It actually makes me want to cry. I’m so emotional at the moment and I just wish this disorder had more exposure because I’m tired of feeling like an abuser for something I can’t help. 

Even now I feel like my thoughts are so disjointed and I’m barely making sense. It just seems like everyone hates me because of this disorder and the symptoms I have and I honestly just want to off myself. 