TW: mention of SI, depressive rant, physical pain, anxiety, hopelessness

I am just constantly stressed about everything in my life! I don't talk to/avoid friends because it just seems that everyone is coming to me about some bad news or something they want me to do with them that either involves time or money, two things I dont have! 

I am sick of dealing with people outside of work in real life and I just want to be left alone, but no one seems to get that. I don't have a high tolerance for things anymore - the smallest of shit stresses me out. I reach out to my doctors about how it is affecting me and I have to wait a long time just to get an answer! I reached out to my neurologist two weeks ago and crickets, even from the office/team. 

Yet, life goes on - my demands are piling up and I am losing my sanity. My health is tanking. I cant afford food most of the time because of inflation and being kicked ofof SNAP because I make too much money now. So i eat junk food which makes me feel terrible and bogged down even though it is cheaper. My anxiety is always through the roof and to sleep, I take the anxiety meds and nerve pain meds perscribed to me by my psychiatrist, but when I wake up after taking my daily dose, I feel depressed and groggy. 

Can't use cannabis (in a state where it is legal fyi!) because I am not yet 21 until next Saturday. 

Everyone and everything just bogs me the fuck down and I just don't care anymore at some points (not SI, but very darn just apathetic towards things at this point and irritable). I just want to sleep and not give a fuck and not have people bother me for once.