So many of my friends are in incredibly high paying jobs, going on continuous vacations, engaged or getting married, and they look so damn happy. 

And I'm wondering where the fuck it's all gone wrong. I want so bad to feel whatever they're feeling, but how? Where to begin? Where did I fuck up?

I got a degree, a job where I help people with real world problems but it doesn't pay the best, and I've been isolated really since COVID began. 

It doesn't make me feel any better with the incremental progression over the years, because it feels like I'm a decade behind all my friends and I seriously doubt I'll catch up in my lifetime... 

I fucking hate my autism. I fucking hate my degree now. I fucking hate how I'll die alone. I want to be normal, I want to be like them and I want to feel some semblance of happiness like they do.