I think I should leave my S.O. At this point the relationship doesn't feel worth it. It's not his fault, I just keep getting so angry and I can't stop. It drains so much energy from me. He keeps telling me he's fine but I just want to be alone if this is what dating is going to be. If I'm honest, it probably doesn't matter who I date. My illness will always snake out and swallow us both whole. It's more painful for me than him I think. I keep getting advice that I shouldn't leave if I want the relationship to work, that it isn't fair of me to make that decision for him if he doesn't want to end it. All the while here I am slowly melting. 

You know what it feels like? It feels like, instead of ending things while he still sees me as a good person, I'm going to have to wait until he realizes I'm broken and incurable. Until he hates me and leaves. I guess a part of me wants the relationship to be over before he opens his eyes.