I don’t know how to say this without sounding like an idiot, it could be my depressed brain taking over, but I barely even want to be in a better state at this point, the thing that makes me the most depressed in the first place is that there’s  so much pressure for me to be a functioning member of society, if not being depressed means I have to have a normal school/work life then I never want to not be depressed, being forced to get out of bed is what is driving me closer and closer to ending my life. All I want to do and have ever wanted to do is sit at home playing video games, I am completely unhappy otherwise and have no motivation or hope to make a change. I have a lack of interest in things that should be fun. When the main message from anyone trying to help you get better is that you have to put in work to make a change, it’s completely demotivating, therapy makes me feel worse and even know I think that’s common, when will I ever have a better mindset? My mindset could always stay this way, do I want to live as a complete shut in and be laughed at by everyone? Not really, but do I want to get out of bed every day doing mundane tasks where every single little thing feels like I chore? Definitely not, at some point when I eventually lose interest in completely everything is when I have a high chance of ending my life, although I still probably would be too scared. It doesn’t help when I am also suffering from extreme anxiety and it makes it so I can’t talk or bring anything up to literally anyone. I have been depressed for the majority of my life and it has consistently gotten worse, some points I have actually succeeded and felt good about myself but shortly afterwards I am set back farther than I was before, it Fucking sucks, everything sucks, I can’t do anything, I am completely hopeless.