I feel like everything good is crashing down around me.
I finally met the love of my life, I'm tried to give him his wildest fantasies. But in turn I feel like I made this relationship a nightmare for him.
My stupid abandonment issues are triggered hard and I feel like I'm having a fucking mental breakdown. He says I've codependency issues, and it stings when he says those things because of how he talks about things with his ex. Something about I keep drawing him in. I feel like I'm a monster..
I just feel like I'm about to lose everything. And I can't tell anyone, and he's avoiding talking to me because he's not doing well. So I feel like I'm alone and having to manage my emotions which I'm not good at currently.

I just wish I could disappear at this point. I feel like I've ruined things and he regrets it big time. 
I don't really see him wanting to be with me after this.
I wasn't such a fucking people pleasing idiot everything would have been fine and had a normal relationship. We strived ourselves on being healthy and communicative.
But now I can't get him to communicate with me... And I'm lost.