I honestly used to think i was going to be fine. I am so depressed and i always feel like i want to die. I stay in my room and let the days go by and feel so guilty about doing it and i just fucking die every day. I feel myself melting away and  honestly i wish things would just fucking stop. I wish that everything would go right for me or atleast somethings. I feel my soul clawing at my body trying to get out because i dont want to do this anymore.I have no motivation to do anything besides get high and fucking die. I just want to crawl into a hole and just rot away. 
I have a few people in my life who expect to hear from me everyday and everyday i have to act like im doing fine but honestly im just one fuck up away from just completely giving up. I dont know what to do besides get high and im afraid that one day thats not going to be enough and im either going to get myself into harder drugs or end up hurting myself/ the people around me and honestly that fucking scares me. I result to ranting on reddit because if i told anyone close to me how i felt i would feel them judging me or hear the same bullshit "im here for you" and that pisses me off because most fucking people arent there for you, they just happen to be around.