I was always pretty lonely. But I recently it feels like I'm more lonely than usual. And it drives me completely crazy. That "Joker-crazy". There's so much anger inside me that just needs to get out. I just really don't know how, bc I need my actions to have consequences. So punching a pillow or sth similar that bounces back in its original Form won't work. And there's so much sadness now about how absolutely lonely I am.

I won't go into why I now feel so much more lonely, it's just that I got reminded of that a few times in the last weeks

And btw, there are people around me who care about me (friends family), it's just my personal incompetence that I'm not really close with any of these

I now have suicidal thoughts again bc of this, any help is really welcome.