I hate myself all the time and it just doesn't stop. I lost my best friend to cancer 6 months ago and on the weekend before he died, I cancelled plans to go and see him so that I could go on a date instead - thinking "oh it's ok, I can see him next Saturday'. There would be no next Saturday.

Ever since, I have been trapped in a never-ending web of guilt and self-hatred; telling myself over and over again what a terrible person I am and that I don't deserve good things - that I didn't do enough and that I am a horrible friend. People try and convince me otherwise but I can't shake these feelings.

My personal life is a non-existent mess; I still live with my parents, I hate my job, my friends at work don't really bother with me anymore. I do Voice Acting gigs in my spare time and even that's declining massively. I don't see a way out of this cycle. I just want to stop feeling like this.