I know that I basically "hunt" certain people down right now. I chase them. One of them I am on the verge of stalking and I need to stop it. I text people, send chats and snaps when I know I should focus on getting my life on track, but even like the thought of sending a text to my boss about maybe getting back to work after a year of having been on sick-leave scares me because I know I will obsess over it and mess it up. 

Why can't I have one normal relationship in my life? Why does it always have to be 0 to 100? All or nothing? My relationship is currently suffering because of my behaviors. I've never seen him this jealous and upset before. I'm sick of this. 

In my head I have this idea that people either despise me or adore me, and I need to get it into my head that there is another option. And that I can be okay with people feeling kind of OK about me.