Soooooo. I am not well. 

Diagnosed with GAD and PTSD for the last 10 years. I used to drink to calm my nerves, lived with daily anxiety like, worrying too much and feeling jumpy but nothing too awful. 

I quit drinking about two months ago and I seem to have developed a full blown panic disorder. I have at least two or three panic attacks a day. They range from just the small “fight or flight” ones where I feel dizzy and have to run away, all the way up to the all encompassing “I’m going to die” puking into a trash can, someone is standing on my chest, and I can’t see anything, type panic attacks.

I’m off work for sickness because I can’t work like this. I can’t leave the house, I can’t barely leave my bedroom. I can’t eat, I’ve lost about 15lbs and I don’t have much more weight to risk losing if I let this go on. Hell, even the traffic outside my window or something being dropped in the kitchen causes a startle/jump response in me. 

Weirdly enough, I’m not depressed, I’m in good spirits, usually because I’m relieved that I’m not currently in a state of panic. I’m really afraid of becoming depressed though because then the thoughts of “Hahahaha, this is all very silly and I can’t keep living like this!” Will become “I can’t keep living like this…” 

I don’t know what to do anymore. I think I need to go to hospital or a treatment centre or something but I can’t find anything like that in Canada? Where do I go from here? I don’t want to live like this anymore. I just want to feel normal again.