I am bipolar. I lost my new smart watch, just like I lose or break anything nice I somehow manage to get my hands on, and lost my shit. I was so pissed I sweated through my undershirt and botton shirt, which I destroyed, my hair is dripping with sweat, and  my mom had to hug me and calm me down like a little kid, I'm 30. I'm so sick of being me. And today I just couldn't lie to myself about it, like my therapist wants me to. Also I was driving when I lost it which was super dangerous. In super lonely, my only real friends died or moved away, I just cant even. But I'm not allowed to eat a bunch of muscle relaxers and down a bottle, an hero style. I just wanna break all my shit and die.