Hello there today I wanna talk about my experience so far , I was diagnosed last year , I had depression since I was 12 currently Im 23 . The first thing is that I was paranoid then came the delusions. I didn't wanted to accept this thing at first , started to take the meds what I got from my doctor then last year I stoped to use them .
I started to abusing alcohol because I believed that it will help me but it wont , the really weird thing about me that im also an introvert like really introvert but then I got a couple of shots with the alcohol I was socially fine I went outside got some girls and stuff like that. I felt like im not even myself anymore , I drank alcohol because I felt like the alcohol is helping me with the social anxiety and the delussions. But the delussions never went away eventually ,I have no job , and I never told anyone about this illness when I met a girl beacuse I felt like its a shame . Right now I stoped abusing alcohol and I want to apply for a Job but I just really cant move outside and do the job what I have to do . I cannot really talk about my feelings to anyone , I have friends but people really dont know the real reality for me and when I start to complain even my grandfather told me its fine you are fine. Its a weird experience and im angry and feel the pressure a lot and thats why I use nicotyn to help me relax . So far im "okay"  but I think that If i will push myself to hard I will break like a glass . 
Ps; sorry for my english