Well its summer break and ive been in my room for 99% of the summer and im slowly realising how lonely i am.  Ive always felt lonely but im beginning to realise that once i leave school for the last time in a couple months this will just be what my life will be like. Im lying in the dark in my room alone eating maryland cookies because thats all i could think of that would make me feel a bit better but im still lonely. Honestly dont think im enjoying living and dont know how much longer i can  be bothered to stay. I just wish i had a real close friend to spend time with but im realising im not much of a good friend or boyfriend and i kinda understand y people wouldn't really want to be close to me.
I don't feel like im a good person anymore, i want a friend but i dont feel like i deserve one. 
Maybe if i was a better person people might enjoy my presence more or even if i was just happier people might like me more.
It really hurts when people tell me how happy i seem or when people say i know everyone. Because in reality i feel like im completely alone and have no friends. When i get off my pc or when i get home i feel like im completely alone and ive just got my own head for company.
Genuinely feel like there is something wrong with me that i wont be able to fix. 
I wish people could tell how sad and lonely i feel most of the time.
Dont think being here is worth it, let alone fun anymore