I won’t sugar coat it I’m a horrible person. I have most of the traits of a psychopath and though I know my only diagnosis is BPD and C-PTSD, I believe there is something more wrong with me. 
I hate what I have become, I can’t even blame it on the borderline because I don’t even try to control it. I’m abusive, emotionally and physically to my FP. I desperately want to protect the people around me from me but I still need them so they end up taking my abuse. 
I just think there should be a place, not prison because I’m not a criminal and not a mental hospital because I’m not completely deranged but somewhere that people like me can be sent. 
My psychiatrist has told me to move out and live alone until I can control myself but I don’t have the money to be able to do that. 
I can’t live with myself knowing I’m such a despicable person and I don’t want to hurt people anymore.