Since nearly 4 years i "lost" my emotions and since then nothing fazes me anymore.
Ive been staying in room the whole day because it feels like i would ruin the atmosphere of my 2 friends and now that we dont really are in contact anymore im overthinking if they caught on to me being depressed and suicidal or is it because they never wanted to do something with me in the first place and just wanted my weed, i hate it i feel nothing i never laugh or smile when im not high at least but even then its hard to keep a smile up so i often though of an excuse not to visit them and i dont know if that is was reason, its making me go crazy i dont know if this whole time they were using me or actually enjoyed the time but i could not imagine that given i was a silent,sad thing of nothing. 
Im feeling like my only goal in life is death.