every time i open up about the state of my mental health with my friends, i feel so bad that i have to burden them with my emotional baggage. i always feel like i’m bringing them down with me or ruining their day or soiling their image of me to the point where they’re irked by my clinginess and emotionality and start to distance themselves from me altogether, even though they’ve said countless times that they’re “here” for me. i feel like i can never be honest with people about how i feel, and i’ve never been able to discuss my insecurities with people because i worry that they’ll begin to see the faults in me now that it’s been pointed out to them. or they’ll start to associate the act of talking to me with negative emotions due to my woeful self-deprecation and the amount of validation i need to be convinced that they don’t want to ditch me for a better life with better people. it’s like the more information i concede, the weaker i get, the sooner they’ll abandon me. 
i just bottle it all up until i explode and self-sabotage every slightly good thing i have going for myself.