I really want to get this off my chest. I've been ruminating about this for days now. The incident occurred more than a year ago, even before the pandemic. I stopped thinking about it for a while it came in my mind a few days ago and I can't let it go. I feel like crying every time it comes to mind because it was so embarrassing.

So one day we had a work meeting with multiple departments, so managers, vice presidents, etc. from other departments were there. It was a very large room with about 40-50 people. The person leading the meeting was new, so he starts with the dreaded "why don't we go around the room and introduce ourselves and share one thing that no one knows about you". 

And that's when the sirens went on in my head. My heart started racing, I couldn't catch my breathe, palms were sweaty, I felt like puking, my throat starting clamping. My mind was blank. The meetings always went with just introducing yourself but never the stupid question about sharing something. My whole life I stayed in my comfort zone I didn't experience much. Although I had been making progress with trying new things, like going out more, initiating hangouts more, it was small progress I was making. So in sum, I had nothing to share! My mind was blank.

The way the introductions were going, I was going to be the last one. I got some ideas from other people, some people told about the multiple languages the spoke, others told about their degree programs they are currently in, other people had musical interests, etc. Then I got the idea, I could tell them that I'm currently pursuing a master's degree and tell them about it. That would be the most logical thing to do. 

But I couldn't. For some reason, I have difficulty sharing with people my educational pursuits. I know it's weird, but for some reason I don't like to talk about it. But I knew, I knew that that was the most logical thing to say because I couldn't think of anything else to share.

Then my turn came, and I said, "My name is Hopeful\_Hat1451 and I work in Blahblah Department. And I'm a cat lady. I have four cats".

That's what I said. The room was quiet. A nice lady in the table in front of me smiled, but in pity. Someone in the background asked their neighbor, "What did she say?" and that person repeated it.

I could feel the cringe. I still feel it till this day. This wouldn't bother me if this was in another setting. But this was in a professional setting. It's somewhere I still work. These people still see me. 

I know that that these people don't actively think about what I said and have most likely forgotten it, but I can't get over it. 

I make the stupidest decisions when I get anxious and it has hurt me many many times.

Thank you for listening for those of you who read this far.