I used to really enjoy videogames. They let me escape from this bleak reality and make me feel better. Since my depression has worsened I can't find joy in them anymore. Especially multiplayer co-op games, where I play with my friends, I feel I'm ruining the experience for them all, even if they say it's not the case (I think they say so to avoid making me feel more miserable).

I also used to like model painting, but since anything I paint doesn't come out perfect I quit because it made me feel a failure. I now have more than 1k€ of miniatures I can't paint, because I'm not good enough. My brain keeps me feel like if I don't become a master in anything in a few hours I'm just garbage.

I'm going through a very bad time, and I can't find any joy in anything. Impostor syndrome is a b\*tch.