I feel like I am always at war with myself.


Most of the people whom are not close to me always describe me as a very nice, kind and caring person whereas those who are close to me would describe me as the spawn of satan. 


And well even within myself, I have this very divided good vs bad battle on almost every decision I make. I guess it's also a constant battle for life, I could be listing every reason why I should remain alive, then the other part of me would pick apart the list. Whether I should go out with my friends, or not. It's exhausting, constantly battling for your own destruction and still lose. 

The worst in this is that I don't even mind it. I could careless whether I do destroy myself, or that I end up saving myself. 
