I'm in my 30s and still don't have a career. I've never made much money at all, have a shoddy work history, and I'm really scared. I'm starting a job training program next week that helps you earn i.t. certifications and offers job placement assistance when you graduate. I think it's a good opportunity for me to finally get a good job, but this anxiety disorder makes everything impossible for me. 

I wish I could just focus on my goal, finish the program, get a nice job and live my life. Instead, my mind attacks me with endless thoughts about how I'm choosing the wrong job, I'm destroying my life, I am worthless unless I do some other job, I am choosing a meaningless job so I am worthless, on and on. I get these intrusive thoughts imagining myself in another job role and how I'm going to be missing out on all those life experiences if I do this instead, and therefore ruining my life. I can't get past this and it's just...crushing.

 I am tired of living like this, facing this constant dread and anxiety every day. I can't take it anymore. I think of suicide to escape it. It's so dumb, because I get the anxiety about making the wrong choice or missing out on the "correct" life path, and then in the end I up doing nothing, paralyzed by anxiety, no money, and no experiences at all. It's so stupid and illogical, but that's what this disorder does to me. I wish I knew who I was and had a more stable sense of self, instead of the constant torture of re-evaluation, ruminating, and self doubt.