So today I walked out of a job for what feels like the 15th time in the past two years. I needed to kill time because I didn't want my sister/roommate to know I'm unemployed again and kind of wanted to find something that would make me feel less like an incompetent piece of human garbage, so I decided to go to last book store in existence. 

I was just looking for something relatable and self-helpy without being preachy or a "therapy journal." There was only one book about BPD there though, and it was even more ridiculous than I could have imagined. It was weirdly specific about examples of behavior? Like "...they have trouble controlling their emotions and will have outbursts at minor inconveniences, like having to wait too long in a grocery line." In a whole other chapter there was a quote from a husband: "My wife will do embarrassing things like make snide comments to people that annoy her while shopping." Do you guys have this much trouble with retail????????? 

It gets worse though, there was a section titled "Famous People with BPD." After a blurb in tiny font clarifying that none of these people had ever been professionally diagnosed (hahahahha), guess who's listed? Princess Diana, Marilyn Monroe, and ADOLF HITLER. 

I don't remember the author's name and I don't remember if he was even a doctor. For the most part it wasn't terribly condescending but I felt like he had no true understanding of the disorder whatsoever.

Honestly, the worst book I've ever read was BPD for Dummies or some shit, it has an entire chapter titled "How to Get Away From Someone with BPD." I remember picking it up after I was first diagnosed at 16, and honestly it broke my heart. That day I had to accept I hated myself and had such a defective personality that everyone else would hate me too.

But eyy I'm not mad. I still have plenty of money saved up and I'm going to keep looking for a job that doesn't make me want to drive off a cliff. Until then... I will have to think of more productive things to do