Hey Reddit. SO of someone with BPD and I just needed a safe space to air out my mind a bit. I'm having a really hard time helping my SO in the last couple days while they've been struggling with their thoughts and emotions.. It feels like I'm being constantly tested, that if my responses isn't the exact thing they need to hear, they go off the deep end. I constantly feel like I'm on eggshells, and that all my actions of support get throw away the instant my word choice is even a little wrong. It's been so mentally taxing. It's gotten to the point where if I can't answer their text within a certain amount of time, that I hate them, and that I haven't given a shit about them all day. It's so hard. It's so hard to be doing so much but to be told to your face that you're an awful person. I just want the SO I love back. I know this is still them, but I feel like I can't even be myself without possibly throwing them back into a destructive cycle. We've had so many false endings, where they would say they were okay, we'd talk about it a bit, but then the second I talk about my hardships, even in a light, non-accused way, it's instantly gone again. Almost like they weren't actually okay, just trying to pretend to be to get the 'me' I'm sure they miss. I know my SO just wants things to be normal, I understand that this is so hard for them. I feel like I've tried all the advice articles online give, from validating their feelings, to directly recognizing the action that caused those feelings. And I just don't know what to do. I feel like all I can do is wait it out and hope they eventually can fully reflect and have some clarity. I don't even want apologies for all the awful things they put me though, I know that can just send people right back. I just want my SO back. I just want to be able to be myself without triggered an explosion. I miss us so bad.