This is more of a vent but anyways
I’m 15 years old (f) and I know that I may just sound like an edgy teenager but please be kind with me 
I have been dealing with mental health for a few years and I’ve gone impatient after self harming, I’ve skipped so many classes and I’m going to a school for people with adhd and anxiety. My family have been more than supportive and they love me so much.
So everything should be doing good right?
No, I’m doing awful
I isolate myself from everyone, I’m moody and I never want to do anything, I try so hard to change and get better but I’m starting to feel hopeless. 
I know that all of these issues are my fault and no one can to change it but me, I just don’t know how. Everyday I drown in so much self hatred, I cant look into mirrors anymore all I see is an ugly loser who doesn’t deserve anything.
Even my family has started to give up on me and I don’t blame them one bit. My sister and brother are tired of my grumpy mood, my dad is indifferent and my mom.. there’s a lot to say.
She nervous that I won’t go to my new school and I am too, She constantly reminds me how much she suffered after seeing her child cut themselves, she doesn’t understand that depression and anxiety doesn’t just go away and I can tell she’s a stressed. I don’t want to seem like my mom is a bad person but I wish she would try to understand a little more.
The only reason I’m not going impatient or trying to end it all is because I don’t want them to suffer and we are also at the end of our vacation so I don’t want to mess everyone’s plans.
My parents are also putting a lot of pressure on me to make sure none pf this happens again and that I go to school.
I have a therapist that I see once every two weeks but I have so much to talk about. 
Basically what I’m trying to get at is that I feel stuck, 
Like a bunch of snow is tumbling down on my unstable little cottage.
I hate everything about myself 
I hate that I’m mean
I hate that I hold grudges 
I hate that I’m quiet 
I hate that I have anxiety 
I hate that I sometimes can’t stand my family 
I hate that I feel like I have no where to go
I hate that I hate myself 
I wish that I could back and fix everything
I wish I wasn’t human trash
I don’t know how to change, I want to desperately but I don’t know what to do
Please help me