My father passed away from covid 8 days ago. I’m not handling it well.

My hometown ( where he passed away)  is full of anti-maskers. Yesterday I made a rude comment at a lady for not wearing a mask inside the store. She didn’t react so I’m pretty sure she didn’t hear me. 
Me on the other hand, had to leave the store and get in my car .  I was shaking with rage. Then proceeded to cry and shake for the next hour.  

It’s a SMALL town and bars are still open and one in particular is always packed on weekends with 50-100 ppl easily. They actually belittle ppl who wear masks there.

The cases have been low till this month. There have been other prominent members of the community who have passed away from covid since September when their first case appeared. 

but ppl are still treating it as a hoax or that it’s just the flu. ( including my mother who doesn’t believe it’s that bad) 

Today someone without a mask stood close to me in line at the store. I just stepped away and had to stop myself from screaming. I’m afraid once I start yelling I will lose control and just have a total breakdown.  

One of the things that keeps me “sane” and grounded is to live a life full of kindness and to not be a hateful/spiteful person. 
Well now I am full of rage and resentment and I want to lash out. 

This year has been hard in general. Last month my dog died. Since June we have been on the verge of losing our house and can barely afford the most basic necessities like food. I’m incredibly lonely in a new city. 

And now my dad died the day after my birthday. 

That’s not all the shitty parts about this year, but seriously this pandemic has affected my life severely. When I see anti-maskers I project all my issues onto them. 

I want to yell, you killed my father. 
I want to hit them with my shopping cart. 
I want to throw myself on the floor crying and screaming in the middle of aisles. 

I want my dad back.