Trigger Warning: Suicidal Thought.

Bad English, I'm not a native. On mobile app.


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I am scared.

Scared so bad.

I have been crying, non-stop coughing and vomitting as the clock is ticking. I am so scared.

I have developed GAD ever since hard traumas, and separation anxiety is included in it. With my mother and brother going to leave to another city to meet my future in laws since my brother is going to marry, I have been stressed and anxious. I have bad nightmares. My intrunsive thoughts are so bad that I can't even tweet or explaining it without being scared. I feel I'm on the edge. I'm getting crazy.

This week alone I have been moaned and whined at my mom, despite I know I can do nothing to make them cancel it. I feel hopeless. My mom already stated and scolded me that she's feel burdened by it, as she is old and it stressed her even more that I acted like this. I have been crying in front of her too like a little child. I feel hopeless. I don't know what to do.

My mom also told me that if I don't have a pet I'd go with her and my brother. It also raised my anxiety because I don't want to despise my cat. But at the same time my mind is going wild. The intrunsive thoughts is going bad and scarier.

What should I do?

I'm so scared.

Until June 3rd, I will be all alone (beside my cat though he is 80% outdoor). My girlfriend who lives in another city cancelled her plan to stay with me because of covid and the cost. And I don't have any friend. So I will be all alone this week.

 
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And that's when come in my thought the need to just ending my life so I won't be scared and sad if anything bad happens. I'm scared. I feel so hopeless.