I’m so freakin stressed and overwhelmed. I’ve been sleeping with a friend/someone I work with. And for me it was just fucking but I guess for him he’d like it to be more. My therapist said that even if I don’t have feelings back this is a good opportunity to try and accept someone affection and care. Well fine whatever I guess. So I said the night and did the cuddle and talking thing. And nothing really changed for me but he was being all feelings-y. I was very dissociated and still feel totally numb and empty. But whatever cuz sex it good. 
The only thing was the next day he was flirty with someone else we work with. And it’s not like I’m actually jealous or care what he does. It’s more of like dude. I’m trying to understand what role I’m supposed to play. If I’m supposed to accept you being nice to me I need to know what the deal is lol. 
Well anyway it made me so overwhelmed that I cut my arms which I was refraining from. I’ve been trying to stay on legs or hip so I can look normal and wear short sleeves during the summer but now I blew that. So that’s just more frustrating. 