Right, so, I’ve had depression for a bit over 4 years now. I’ve done all cognitive treatments, counselling and my ‘coach’ - yes that’s what the NHS gave me as a last resort - told me to get meds within our second session. Always uplifting. 
I’ve been taking Fluoxetine since my birthday, a little under 3 months, and find myself so tired. I could barely keep my eyes open. Now I start my days at 3am, and sleep at 8:30pm. For some reason, this has drastically helped. 

I’ve been involved in some drama recently (which I didn’t need) where it was a ‘his word’ against my word basis, even though his word isn’t true. But I didn’t have the energy to fight my corner, so I took it. I think it’ll pass anyways. Maybe I’ll be notorious for something I never did, but oh well. 

Essentially, yesterday (when the drama happened) I had vivid thoughts of wanting to take my life. Usually, I always rationed it out, but yesterday all I saw was that being my key option. 

I’m not physically harming or whatnot, so there is not a need to worry. 

But I know with these meds that thoughts like that can be more prominent? 

I don’t know. I just feel like shit constantly, with or without these meds. At least with, I’m basically blunted of extreme emotion. 

Maybe I deserve it? I don’t know.