Before anybody thinks that I’m saying that recognising your BPD diagnosis isn’t important - that is absolutely not what I am saying.

What I *am* saying, and Mods please bear with me, is that amongst all of the helpful information and reputable resources, there is a tonne of total crap out there about BPD. Reading through some of that doesn’t often help - whether you have BPD or not.

There is a certain support forum for those who’ve endured “challenges and abuse at the hands of someone who has BPD.” And look, support is important - of course it is. I just question when support becomes spurring a false narrative and spouting hatred about a mental health disorder.

Now, I’m not denying that people with BPD can be assholes. Everyone can be an asshole. I first got diagnosed with BPD nine years ago and I can definitely be an asshole. But all this nonsense about people with BPD being inherently evil is just bollocks.

The amount of times I’ve seen the word toxic thrown around like it’s a sodding beanbag on sports day is unbelievable. “Toxic” is not, in fact, a characteristic of people with BPD. If you actually read up on it, you’d find that BPD sufferers are no more likely to cheat. No more likely to get divorced. No more likely to fail in a relationship.

Now it’s easy to blame a diagnosis for behaviour, regardless of whether you have that diagnosis or not. But what’s important to remember is that everyone with a mental health diagnosis is different. Mental health not rigid. And it’s so important for everyone to acknowledge that our behaviour is not fixed forever.

If you receive a diagnosis, please don’t think that you have to be or will be a certain way just because you’ve seen a stereotype.

Yes, it is incredibly important it is to understand, to the best of your ability, what you are being diagnosed with, why you have been diagnosed with it (symptoms exhibited) and treatment options.

Understanding your diagnosis/es means you can better inform those around you (if you would like to do so) and, more importantly, help to recognise and reduce your triggers and resulting behaviours so you can take the reins of your own life. If you hear or see someone talking about their experiences, and you can relate, share and support then great.

But you don’t **have** to be a certain way just because you have a diagnosis. We are individuals with our own experiences, thoughts and feelings. And we can improve ourselves by recognising our actions and their consequences, getting appropriate help, sharing with those around us when appropriate and trying to be all round better people.

If you don’t have a diagnosis, you can do the same. Try not to spread sweeping statements that stigmatise, and separate your own experience from the bigger picture. To those of you who have / had a bad relationship with someone with the disorder, I’m sorry you had a bad experience but it’s not just because of BPD.

Just like not everyone with the exact same music taste, schooling experience or even same family is the same, you could know multiple people with BPD and not note many similarities between them.

Bad relationships are just that - bad relationships. But having BPD doesn’t mean you have to have a bad one. I’m happily married. Like any couple, we each have our faults. But we also have a great relationship, careers and support system that we have built.

So yeah - don’t believe the hype. We can all be better.