[tw suicide, alcohol use]
My friend didn’t reach out in a way I was wanting her to. I wanted her to reach out because she thought I was depressed (I’m in a depressed state of bipolar 2 right now) or I was suicidal or wanting to severely hurt myself. She reached out saying when are we doing something that benefits her, even though that’s all we do. It took many days too, and she knows about my first suicide attempt, so she should know to reach out to me with more intent I guess. So I ignored her 3 texts, I guess the manipulative side of me wants her to think I’m going to attempt or severely injure myself so she puts more effort in and tries to worry about me more. 
None of this is healthy, but right now I feel alone. I’ve spent 90% of my time in dorm room all alone since Sunday, so my loneliness makes sense. My therapist is so worried we text maybe 50 times a day, she’s all I talk to, besides my mom. But now I’m lying to her too. 
Ps I’m drunk right now (50% alcohol, 50% not my dosage Seroquel) so sorry for my thoughts that are all over the place.