I have all these beautiful coping mechanisms but when any tiny little thing happens I spiral into full blown panic/misery/hopelessness and all those mechanisms go flying out the window. Then after it passes I’m left beating myself up and feeling WORSE for not remembering to be mindful, or accepting, or neutral or whATEVER. I beat myself up for wasting money and time on therapy bc I can’t even remember to use what I’ve learned. 
I’m gonna keep trying bc I want to live a happy, stable, passionate life, and I’ll get there someday. But this shit is so hard. I just wish I wasn’t like this. 