I was on my third session of therapy today, and it was no news that both my brother and my SO are narcissists, but I found out today that I also display borderline personality disorder characteristics.

Makes sense now, reading about it, I tick a lot of the boxes. And it’s been even worse for me with my current SO, since, although he didn’t seem at first, he has a lot of characteristics that my brother displayed growing up.

So basically, my BPD went even further in this relationship due to the constant triggers, and my wanting to fight against what I subconsciouly knew it was bad for me. It’s been a realization. A sad one at that.

Cause we had a lot in common, and I care for him deeply, and I know he does so too, but it’s just not ok for our personalities to be together. We trigger each other too much. Add alcohol abuse for both sides and you can realize it was hell.

I did start therapy, I plan to work on myself, I wasn’t shy to recognize where I went wrong, and I will admit to my faults. He, on the other hand, doesn’t like psycholoy, cannot admit to more emotional faults, and keeps attacking and reproaching me when we are on a break.

I’m sad.