I know the title seems nonsensical, but please hear me out.

I feel like I can't trust myself at all. I keep hearing that delusional people wouldn't actually consider being delusional but my mind keeps finding loopholes in that logic to make myself keep questioning again and again. Such as "What if I'm delusional in the future" or "What if I'm delusional about not being delusional" and it kinda feels like my brain is on fire.

I have no idea what is obvious and what isn't. Words mean little to nothing when I am trying to reason with myself, and I feel like at some point, nothing is going to do it.

And it's kinda at a moot point since I'm diagnosed with bipolar (not sure what type, probably 1 maybe 2?) so I'm not even sure if I can dismiss these thoughts since it's what my condition commonly entails. I feel like crawling up in a ball and just forgetting how to think properly, watching youtube, knitting, or drawing, I guess. There can't just be "Oh, I'll find it out eventually", just generally. At all. It always has to be now. I know it isn't healthy. It's just a thousand times harder to stop than most say it is to.

Anyways, if you've made it this far. Thank you. Have a great day or night.