I’m exhausted.

In the past 6 months I’ve caught feelings for two women that wanted nothing but sex from me. I don’t know why I do this to myself. I set myself up for disappointment, sadness, and anger when it inevitably ends. 

I’m just so so so tired of being alone.

This past November was actually really great. I met this girl, and we hung out a good bit. Really really thought that this time would be different. This was the first women I’ve actually been super interested in in god knows how long. As it turns out, she didn’t feel the same and had just been fucking me and leading me along.

I wish I could say this caught be surprise but it definitely didn’t. I just wish I didn’t put myself through an endless cycle of getting better, thinking I’ve found someone, and then ending up back in the place where I’m most alone and depressed.

Life just seems like an incredibly agonizing, boring, useless wait that I’ve spent far too many years in. I don’t have any desire to kill myself at all but I really don’t have any desire to try anymore either. 

If you made it this far I really do appreciate it. Thanks for reading.