I'm 33 now. I don't really know what's wrong with me. I'm officially diagnosed with gender identity disorder lol.. around the age of 12 I kinda just withdrew. My parents weren't really involved in my life. They got divorced at that point and we're kinda on their own paths. I never had any friends. I tried to sit with people at lunch and socialize for a little bit in middle school. But people perfered to bully me. Ironically someone once said to me my personality would be more likable if I was a girl.. I ended up getting treated for that. It's not a issue anymore.

 Unfortunately after that I'm still left with other issues. I feel like around 13 when I withdrew and because I didn't socialize or have any friends I just never became a adult. I act like a child even at work. I'm still the same withdrawn little pre teen I was then. "Leave me alone. Don't try to tell me what to do." I still navigate the world like a ghost. Never talk, never interact. Just there. I've never had a relationship. Never had any form of sexual relations. I don't really want to, to be honest. Which is mostly because of problem uno.

So how have I changed since I was 13? I guess I'm smarter. But I still handle problems exactly the same. Run away and avoid if I can. And if trapped claws come out and I bite. Honestly my behaviors compared to a cats arent dissimilar at all. 

I don't know how to help myself. I feel like at I'm at impassable wall. I've gone as far as I could. Perpetually trapped in my 13 year old brain. Is this a thing?