I have friends, some remaining family members I talk to, work colleagues, etc. I’m constantly frustrated that I can’t give back more to them. They’re mostly all kind, good-hearted, generous people. 

Journaling now about my frustrations, I realised I’ve never felt “close” to anyone. Everything has always been orbiting other people’s lives, feeling the faintest of signals from their home planets. I don’t know if I feel truly connected to one single person in my life. 

I think as a kid I might have been close to my grandparents and some friends, I was an incredibly emotional, sensitive kid, but that’s all gone and forgotten now. 

I feel ashamed, sad, devastated, and lost. 

I don’t want to be this garbage person who floats in and out of other’s lives, making momentary connections, then drifts away. That’s a horrible way to live.

I feel like a sociopath or like something’s wrong with me.