I’m doing lifestyle changes, adding veggies, way less processed foods, exercising a whole lot more, walking when normally I would use public transportation. I’m still seeing my belly roll over the waistband of my pants. I don’t see any physical changes.

I’m reaching calorie burn goals the days I go to the gym. I can’t look at the scale because I am not trying to reach a goal weight when I am actively adding weight exercises to build muscle. I am crying every day. I am still fat. I’m going to the gym more, but I am starting to feel that I need to stay at the gym much longer. I know I don’t have the time to do more than I do. I can’t be this weight any longer. I feel the urge to hurt myself the longer I am this size. I hate my body. I find happiness being skinny. I feel the need to cancel plans with my friend to have more time to exercise. 

I don’t think I can stop the next urge to do self-harm. I hate myself after. It makes no sense.