I was sexually assaulted at 17, that was my first ever encounter by a guy 10 years older than me. I didn't even know what sex was because mentally... I wasn't there. Then through my years of trauma I dated a guy who was toxic with me. He manipulated and gaslighted me for 5 years over all (with occasional breaks when I tried to leave)

It finally ended a year ago. Sex was a scary thing for me, because it was always used to control me. He would sleep with me, then go cold for months. He would get what he wanted and then leave again and again within 24 hours. I felt unable to ever trust anyone over the years. I became friends with a guy a few months ago, I guess we've become best friends. It just kinda, happened. We knew we wanted to. But he wouldn't push anything without any consent. Everything was my choice. We've slept together 4 times now. I'm slowly becoming less scared.

Even after it all, he tells me how proud he is of me. My brain is even baffled by the fact he wants to do it again. I don't feel like I'm disposable. I feel like I have a safe place right now. It's huge for me. And I did it whilst not being in therapy, which I never thought I could.