The last two months of my life has been the worst mental state I've ever been in. It all started with me developing an anxiety response to my partner for what seemed to be no reason. I've had multiple theories as to why that happened. 

I'm aware of my history of self-sabotaging relationships and this is the first relationship that I'm determined not to ruin (ironically were on break now because my anxiety got too bad lol). It also might've been because my last relationship with a man was very abusive and even though that relationship ended 6 years ago and I haven't given him any thought, I've caught myself calling my current partner my ex's name. The reason can also be linked to my ex girlfriend telling me that I'm only interested in my current partner because of comphet, and then me questioning it every time he wants to initiate something but I'm not in the mood. 

The list of theories go on and I've been ruminating over this 24/7. I can remember having a similar feeling in the beginning of our relationship and then just had him sleeping in a different room for two nights (we got together during lockdown and isolated together) which helped. I just thought it might've been the affects of being stuck in a tiny apartment with the same person while stressing about other things that left me feeling overwhelmed and I just needed space. 

Clearly not. Its gotten so bad that whenever I think of him I get that pang of anxiety in my gut. I hate it so much. I would walk somewhere thinking "wow, this is nice, I could show him this route when we see each other again" and then it hits me. I cant have any nice thoughts or reminders of him without getting anxious. 

This leads to my next point and the reason I've resorted to coming to Reddit about this. I went on YouTube and saw a new video from a creator that I've been watching a lot recently. She makes calming videos about making food, her everyday household activities, her dog etc.. I've been watching her videos to destress especially before I sleep. Well when I saw this video thumbnail, there it was. The fucking pang of anxiety. I've had enough of this. Everything needs to have an anxiety response. Sitting at my desk, turning on my laptop, showering. I cant do anything in peace. 

I've spiraled that far. I'm at such a loss. How do I even begin to start fixing this? Has anyone else experienced something like this?