I am a pretty heavy guy so I can drink alot (half a 1.75L bottle without really noticing in a night) and after having my first panic attack last november I went for about 3 months being sober just because I was so scared throughout the whole thing I never even had the urge to drink. However after a friend having a party for her bday due to being an awkward person at social events I always drink so I drank that night.

I was not prepared for the aftermath, I knew from my doctor and reading online alcohol can make anxiety way worse but I never knew how bad it was until it happened. Now I am in a cycle where I regret drinking to the point after having a day of drinking I will purposely throw away all the alcohol left but the next couple days after starting to feel fine I get the urge of wanting to drink just because feeling tipsy is the only time I feel no worries or stress.

I stop taking my meds a day before since I dont want to mix them and it was a bad idea just because the aftermath is very unbearable. I didnt know where else to vent since I rather not have this talk with my close friends for now just dont feel comfortable. It helps being able to write this somewhere.