Currently in the midst of one of my heightened emotion episodes so who knows I’m going to write. Life is hard. I don’t know how to live. There are people that want to love me but I don’t want them to love me. I want the people that are inaccessible to love me and life doesn’t work like that. I don’t know how to receive love and I don’t see the point in a life without connection. I feel alone and it feels like it’s my fault. I’m too low to bring myself out of this pit. Every night I cry in my bed wishing I knew how to be loved instead of driving every person in my life away from me. I isolate myself and then hate myself for it. I try. I really try very hard. I go to individual therapy, I go to group therapy, I go to a psychiatrist. I put in the effort and yet I keep hating myself. I keep telling myself that I truly am unlovable and even if someone decided to love me they either don’t rly know me or I am unable to let them in. I’m set up for failure and it’s too hard for me. I’m a sack of self pity and I’m just feeling too much for this life to be lived.