i wish that i didn't resort to immature narcissistic self defense mechanisms in most conversations. many times i feel so proud of these traits i have but it all feels like a mask, i feel deep down i maybe don't want to actually be this way and want to be normal. i cling to the BPD label so much to the point it feels like the only thing i have that explains me. i fight for this label to be validated than i feel like an attention seeker for this. 