earlier this year i waited 6 months to see a long term therapist because of the staff shortages. when i finally got to see her, she offered no help, and basically just asked me why i can't do what other people my age can do. why can't i drive, why can't i work, etc. she would validate my thoughts of self doubt, when i told her i felt my problems were impossible to fix she would tell me "if there's nothing you can do to fix it, you need to accept that and move on." why not offer me ways to fix the problem? she even admitted that she doesn't think this is working, and so all of that time waiting, emotionally dumping on my partner in the meantime, promising him things will get better when i get therapy, was pointless.

now my boyfriend has broken up with me because i refused to get help. but it wasn't that i refused, it's that therapists didn't help me. after leaving my last therapist i sought to get a referral elsewhere and i was told that there are no available therapists in my area i'd be better off moving to a big city, that which i cannot do.

ive gone to walk in therapist appointments twice this week, begging for them to help me, tell me what i can do to fix my bpd and my relationship,  and all they care about is whether i'm suicidal. every time i tell them that's not what i'm here to talk about, i need help for the issues that CAUSE me to be suicidal. but they don't care. the therapist i saw yesterday pretty much told me there's nothing she can do for me and she's only here to make sure i "stay safe." that does NOT solve the problem. going to inpatient was the same way, all of my problems were still waiting for me on the outside and i had no means of dealing with them. i wasn't suicidal going into that appointment, but i sure was coming out of it, because it just confirmed to me that therapy is a joke and it doesn't matter how hard i try to get help, nobody will believe me and everyone thinks i'm just not trying hard enough.

my boyfriend hasnt spoken to me in 2 weeks and his mom texted me that he wants nothing to do with me anymore. he was sick and tired of being my therapist, and thought that i was just refusing to get help. now i have nobody. i lost everything. and when i reach out for help, my hand is slapped away.

therapists don't care about us, they care about keeping their job because a dead patient can't pay their bills.