I’m posting here because I feel like this subreddit can relate. 

A little about me; African-American male probably suffering from undiagnosed BPD and anxiety. I also take care of my disabled brother. I’ve been doing this since I was 18. I’m Turing 29 next month and I’m pretty sure I also suffer from mild to moderate Caregiver Burnout as well. My life for these past 4 years has been a top-tier rollercoaster in Hell’s amusement park and it’s still going. 

So with that being said, I’ve stopped caring about taking care of certain things when it comes to me. MAINLY my hair. I use to get a buzz cut. I had [Waves] at one point in time in my life. Then I let my hair grow out and I’d get my hair twisted, maybe even braids if I felt like it. But these past four years of sadness, I’ve just been letting it grow. I still comb/brush it out. Maybe even wash it if I’m up for it. But I won’t cut it or get it braided anymore because I just don’t have the motivation or the means to “ look good “ because of how my life is set up. Usually, when I get out of bed, I might finger comb my hair so it won't be tangled and knotted but that’s it. My face is also hairy as well. I don’t grow a full beard either so my face looks quite patchy too. 

So then I go out and see some friends and maybe some family members and all they can do is ask me 

“ what are you gonna hair? “ 
“ Are you going to get it cut/done? “
“ You need to do something with your hair. “ 
“ You can look better than this. “ 

My ex who I currently live with who’s a hairstylist wanted to do my hair because she’s “ tired of looking at it. “ But I can’t blame her too much because that’s her job. But I even turned that down. 

When I tell them why I haven’t been in the mood to deal with my hair, don’t have the motivation, and how my life has caused me to lose interest in my self-care routine, they brush my words off to the side and try to make me “ feel better “ about doing my hair. All it does is put me in more of a rut. 

I’m pretty sure it’s their way/form of caring for me and wanting me to get back to who I was before I felt the way I'm feeling now, but, y’all know it doesn’t work like that. It’s not that easy. Like I’m not one of those people who can “ fake “ it. If I FEEL like shit, I’m gonna LOOK like shit and I feel like shit every day. 

I don’t understand why the way I look bothers them to the point where they gotta keep bringing it up. Their life is just as messed up like mine, but they feel like as long as they “ look good “, life is cool. 

I’m currently trying to get my life back on track and once I feel like I’m doing better, I will start doing my hair again. Right now I’m far from that person. I have bigger issues to deal with besides my hair. 

Are they embarrassed for me? Are they embarrassed to be around me because of how I’m looking?? Why is my hair/me looking good a priority to them?? Someone help me understand the importance of looking good all while your life is falling apart besides helping out the undertaker prepare you for your casket??