 i have been in a heavily depressed state for the past 2 weeks and today is particularly bad. 10 days ago i had to bring my cat to the vet and she's been confined there since. i'm so heartbroken that she's so sick. she's so young and she's my first cat. i want her to get better with the best treatment but it's also driving me really fucking broke. on top of that and because of that i haven't been able to refill my antidepressants so my BPD is just POPPING THE FUCK OFF right now. i want to shut down so bad but if i miss today at work it's going to be so much worse for me tomorrow.

my partner and i went to the vet to visit our cat and i was just in the worst mood the entire time. i felt so massively unloved then i felt like an asshole for feeling that way. it was that shit back and forth like always and i was just quiet and prickly until we got home. idk if my partner is picking up on it but he lets me be for a few hours and i cry the entire time i'm alone because i feel ignored

i deleted my vent social media accounts so i can stop myself from broadcasting how shitty i absolutely fucking feel because it's led to a fight before. i'm trying to go through my contact list and everyone i would usually talk to is going through their own shit and i can't get the words to leave my throat. i feel like i'm going to explode and i just ate 2 edible gummies out of impulse thinking it would soften all the negative feelings but i think it's making me feel worse