I (female, 23) have been with my boyfriend (he’s in the middle of his 30’s) for about 1.5 years. In the beginning everything seemed normal besides the fact that he was a lonesome wolf- no friends, no job. He has a few acquaintances, but he isn’t honest about his situation with any of them. His familiar-relations are quite dysfunctional, expect for his relationship with his sister.

My boyfriend is very intellectual. He’s smart, he’s caring but in a different way than many others. 
The problem I have is that I don’t understand why he’s so critical of me. I talk to loud, to fast, to slow. I walk the wrong way, I respond in the wrong way, I think in the wrong way.. He wants me to take more responsibility of what to do and when, but when I have a proposal he rejects it. No matter what I do I can’t seem to get things right for him and it’s starting to take its toll on me. I am insecure when I’m with others. Wondering if they too think I speak to fast. 

When I do these mistakes he comments and it, gets upset and then it just kinda goes away. This happens a few times before he suddenly blows up over text calling me names, criticizing my character and telling me he is sick and tired. He always hints in the direction of breaking up or ending things but he never does. I never fight bac, I usually just quietly take it and apologize for what I did wrong. Then I go on a quest to see how I can change the things I do that upsets him. I use 50% of my energy trying to keep him from blowing up on me, reading and investigating about bpd. But I honestly don’t know what do.. how can I tell him in a way he understands, that it isn’t me who’s in the wrong all the time? We are a couple and it takes two to tango. How can I communicate in a way that doesn’t trigger him? I love him, I see so much good in him. But lately the verbal attacks has gotten more frequent, and he keeps me at a distance. I’ve tried everything, and when I get better at something he finds other things to be angry about.