Guys, this is so hard. I just need to vent. i'm so lonely, it almost hurts. I feel isolated from all my friends, boyfriend, everyone. There is nothing to do anymore. I can busy myself just fine during the day, but once night falls I am pretty much a wreck. I can't handle nights alone - I go to bed at like 8pm because there is nothing else to do. I'm quite literally bored to tears and have panic attacks at night when I doN't know what to do with myself. watching movies, reading, and doing my hobbies can only get me so far. I feel like I'm going crazy. all of my friends are taking COVID pretty seriously (which I'm happy about) but I don't really feel like I fit in with them anymore anyway, so I don't want to hang out with them. I don't REALLY want to sit around with my friends and drink (which is their primary activity). However, I don't want to cut them off and make things worse for myself and then have less people than I did before.

I don't know what to do. I know that winter and living in a high cloud cover city (\~30 full days of sunshine a year) has something to do with it. I'm so sick of this. I've been patient for a year waiting for things to turn around with the pandemic but it is really starting to wear on me. I keep feeling like I did this to myself, even though I know that none of it is my fault. All of the healthy habits I started in the summer (and subsequently seemed to make my anxiety way better) don't seem to stick anymore. Just seems kind of pointless. I hate this.