Hi
Im 46, just turned 46 2 days ago. Im crying and upset. Im increasingly feeling down and upset. 
I tried to call a helpline but that sucked. Stupid volunteers without any idea how to really engage.. I have a therapist but I dont feel too good with him

My teenage boys are home, my SO is coming home soon, I need to cook and act normal, but I would just as well just go to bed or something else, I want to run off or scream or hurt myself

Our washing machine just now burned, smoke comimg from it, I dont have any money for a new one, I ve been having to buy my drinking water due to lead piping for 2 months now and next week they willfix it but still need to not drink it for 2 extra mo.due to residue.

Our landlord sued us for winning a renters dispute, I have single glass rotten wood windows,no isolation and the gasprizes are soooo high now...i have   panic attacks every hour of the day,my neck hurts and I want to vomit and in 30 min I need to have made diner and be ok
( noi cant order out and no noone else can cook )

I m so lost,I m afraid of even a trip to the grocers

🥺🥺🥺 I hate myself and life