the way I see myself:

At my core, I am a little puppy. A sweet little pup who just wants to love and be loved and doesn't understand why everyone isn't nice to each other all the time. If anyone shows me any kindness at all, my instinct is to declare them a "nice" person and go snuggle in their lap and put up with any subsequent abuse. Kicked or thrown, this guy gave me a table scrap once so I will keep trying to be my best for him.

I've been hurt and betrayed so many times, I've developed a guard dog. This guard dog loves the puppy but thinks the puppy is an idiot. The guard dog instinctively distrusts EVERYONE, but especially hates anyone who seems nice and then is mean to the little puppy. Really the guard dog would just prefer if everyone stayed away, but he will especially bare his teeth at anyone who hurts the puppy, even accidentally.  
Then all best are off and the guard dog doesn't really care about such a thing as a proportional measured response.

The trick is to give them both a place in the conversation. Honor them both simultaneously, instead of rapid switching between who is in control.