Hi I’ve never posted here before so I hope I’m doing this right. Long story short, our relationship was two years of highs and lows. The first year was a lot harder than the second. We’d both worked on ourselves a lot, but the relationship still wasn’t right and we’d both knew it. Things ended suddenly, and in a fight, about a month ago.

It makes sense for us to be apart right now, and I don’t want to be together again. But, I don’t want him to remember the entire relationship poorly or hate me for abandoning him, because I bet that’s what his BPD is telling him and that’s how he sees all his previous relationships. 

I want him to understand that I didn’t leave him because if his BPD - we fought through the tough times with it for two years. Our lives were just going different directions and it was clear we didn’t have a future together. But I still love him from afar and am so grateful for him and everything we had. 

Basically I wish it hadn’t ended in a fight. And I feel guilty, because he doesn’t have a lot of close friends and I know I was a main pillar of support. I want him to know I’m still rooting for him and still in his corner, but just from afar, but I don’t know if reaching out to him to tell him these things would make it better or worse. 

Sorry I’m just rambling now. I don’t mean any of this to sound insensitive. I’ve tried to understand BPD but there’s still so much of it that is hard to understand or predict how he’d react. I want him to know how much he means to me, but I don’t know if it is just selfish to want to reach out for that closure. If anyone has advice here, I’d love to hear it.