This disorder and having a FP has literally ruined my (27m) life. 

I am infatuated with my FP. My FP also gives me extremely unhealthy, crippling anxiety. I literally cannot be myself around my FP. I’ve known my FP for three years and still do not feel comfortable enough to be myself around them. 

My FP and I started as friends at work for a month. I did not have feelings for her until she began to show interest in me and we became FWB. FP no longer wanted to hookup and gave me the old, “we can still be friends!”. I felt and still feel heartbroken. The worst emotional and physical pain I’ve ever experienced in my life. 

I have tried to be her friend. But it’s hard to be friends with someone that you are literally obsessed with. Obsessed to the point where my FP is literally the only thing I can think about. Wondering who she’s with. Getting jealous over every guy she talks to. Thinking that every guy she’s with is fucking her. 

I had always hoped to win my FP back. But it’s been almost three years and I have made the choice to give up pursuing my FP. I’m trying to tell myself that it’s better if we’re friends because she has been a good person to me. But it’s simply not that easy. How can I be a genuinely good friend if I can’t even be myself around her? For as long as I’ve known her I get massive amounts of anxiety when interacting with her. The anxiety makes me be someone I’m not and knowing that I’m not being myself is so fucking frustrating. I don’t want to lose this person because of this but I just don’t know what the fuck to do anymore. It is so frustrating beyond belief.