I feel like NO ONE absolutely gives a sh\*t about me. I hate the injustice In the system, if you're physically disabled, only then will people be sensitive to care, affectionate and they would assist you where you went. People assume oh I can do everything myself, no I can't. I'm sensitive to what people say, I'm afraid of the world, and myself. I have crippling social anxiety. Most of the time I feel small around others, I feel like anyone can just derive benefit or make use of me. 

It's been almost 2 years since I tried taking my life. It's right when they say, you can't heal in the same place you got hurt or whatever that quote is. If the people in my life were genuinely concerned, it wouldn't have been 2 years. If it weren't for my case worker telling me that if I continue the way I do, I'm going to be stuck in my room for another 6 months , being a bum. 

But that's the thing. Everyone just expects you to sort yourself out on your own, and I fking hate that.I wish I could take it out on the world. I also struggle with creating so many alternative options in my head, and then that freezes me. Stops me from doing anything. I don't know what to say anymore. I wish death was easy and painless. I wish every person in my life that hurt me could receive the same pain I've experienced. People only want to talk about what THEY want to talk about. Cos guess what, you're a bore, you're nagging, you're too much, this this n that. 

I'm so done. Feeling alone is the worst feeling in the world, and no one will understand until they experience it themselves, to such an extent.. I'm not going to get into detail. But the things I've experienced, I don't know if anyone else has.