I don't know how this happened, but I've lost all my friends one by one. My best friend betrayed me, she hasn't talked to me in over 2 months. She simply forgot about me, and she made it seem so easy to do. 

After what she did to me my old fears with social anxiety came back, tenfold.

I don't feel like I can trust anyone anymore. I'm in this summer course with a bunch of other people, it's been three weeks and I haven't made any friends. They have a group chat that I'm not in, they don't really approach me, or don't let me into a conversation.

I try so hard, to speak, to engage, even ask a question in class to the teacher, but every time I do I'll have to stop myself from getting massive panic attacks. Every day, I feel that at any time I'll get a panic attack, a huge, uncontrollable one. Then everyone will see, then I'll definitely be the freak.

The worst part is, my home life is absolute hell. My dad's an aggressive alcoholic jerk, my mom always joins in to belittle me at every wrong doing. Every day, when I'm not at school, there's yelling, name calling, my dad drinking uncontrollably, watching the tv so loud I can't even hear my own thoughts.

I'm trying to just ignore it, study hard, because I really do love my course, my teacher's great and I want to do well, but this constant fear and loneliness I have is setting me back.

I'm not sure how to really express what I'm feeling at the moment, in a way I just want my best friend back, because it's nearly impossible to get close to someone now (the course has only one month left and I'm graduating soon). I don't really want a meaningless friendship either?

I also think if I'm alone for much longer I might actually get through with killing myself. Before I could always say, at least I have x and y friend, I love being with them, etc. My feelings are really fucked right now, it's too overwhelming.

Any tips?