Maybe that doesn't make much sense. But I feel like the bpd me is a lie and the me doing better would be a lie too. I stopped going to my therapist a while back because I feel like I'll lose myself if I start doing better. But I think I need to go back. 

I'm scared of knowing who I am when I get better again. Like I can't understand what's my personality or my bpd,  because my bpd is part of my personality.

I know that probably didn't make much sense but I needed to get it out and this is the only safe space I have.