At this point I feel like I have nothing. I feel like all my friends are fake to me. I’m just wondering when they will ghost me like other people have. I feel like I’m being a scapegoat in my family. My grades have all dropped by at least 20% per class
and I feel like everyone at my job hate me too. The only people that care about me are my mom and my BFF but I still feel like their love is conditional. Sometimes I just wanna pack up and leave, start a new life in a new city. But there’s literally no way anytime soon because of my school and lack of money. Even if I was able to pack up and leave, I don’t think it would help me. I’ll probably make more friends and he would probably ghost me because I joke too much to avoid seriousness or they might just find me annoying. This sucks because I always try to be as nice as possible to everyone because I was rejected by other kids when I was younger. 
People always has something to say about my body. The other day my moms friend looked shocked to see me and asked what happened to me and why I gained a soo much weight. I normally ignore these comments but after a while they just start to tear me apart.
Every aspect of my life sucks and there’s no other way of putting it. I even caught Covid and had to cancel my birthday which would  sucked if I believed that people cared enough to make something about me. I also am going on a vacation with half my family and it really hit me when my sister said she would rather sit with my brother or my mom instead of sitting with me. I just feel soo sad but do you know what’s even more sad, that this rant and all these tears have been shed because I saw one of my people who ghosted me. I just don’t know how I can go back and continue school with hope that things will be different. Because when things are going okay, there is always something to bring me down.

I’m not here because I need advice but if you have some, please share. I just needed someone to listen, so that my pain feels more real and so that I don’t feel like I am making up problems that don’t exist.

Thank you for everyone who reads this.