I mean, especially when someone you loved (either romantically or platonically) a lot leaves you and you couldn’t do anything about it, it haunts me. 

In the beginning it hurts like absolute hell and I feel like everything inside me is being torn apart and I become extremely self-destructive. Feelings of anger, deep hurt, depression, fear fluctuate and come over me like waves that try to drown me.

Then it does become more dull, but more so in the back of my mind that it comes back to me in the form of nightmares or sudden impulsive depressive moments in a day or an ache accompanying a sad song. 

I hate it because I know I will never see some people again, but that fact in and of itself is terrifying, like it solidifies and confirms abandonment while otherwise, there would have been a small but definitive chance they could have come back to me eventually. 

The most recent case is a year old but I still cling onto it for dear life.