Don't really know where to go with this but I don't have anyone else I can speak to about it. Apologies for the rant.

I visited my GP a few days ago and feel completely lost, I don't feel like he was helpful or supportive in any way. I don't expect people in the medical world to coddle me, but at the very least just acknowledge what I'm saying. When I told him (he's new, my old GP retired) about my depression and about wanted to be tested for adult autism or ADHD, he essentially began reading off a big list of grievances, for a lack of better words, about my mental health history from various sources. I can't imagine what his end goal with doing this was meant to be. 

The different times I went to therapy, different groups I had to attend (essentially just being forced to socialise with other kids), times I was upset at school, my former social welfare officer sending a letter out of 'concern' stating I was basically lazy, unmotivated and had a supposed difficult relationship with my parents. I won't get into these different stories on their own but the biggest point that stuck out was the different reports about my poor academic performance in primary and secondary school.

I just broke. Hearing all these scenerios bundled together was just too much and made me come to the dreadful realisation about terrible I'm doing in my current college course. I know it sounds silly and childish but put it put into perspective on how I've stuggled academically almost my whole life. I felt like a complete failure in every aspect in life. He was on my case for not remembering my exact points I got for the leaving cert (end of high school exams, basically) and indirectly attributed it to my poor memory. No, I do remember but I'm fucking embarssed by it I would have hoped he would have picked up on that.

With tears in my eyes I tried to explain to him why I was in the state I was, but I just couldn't do it. I had the words I clearly wanted to say in my head but my mouth just couldn't move to say them. I was stunlocked. He proceeded to tell me to leave and see him again in two weeks because there were other people behind me waiting.

As I left I stood briefly in the hallway to try and collect myself, he came out again to tell me to move along because 'I can't just leave you in the hallway'. He expected me to go out to the waiting room and reception with me bawling my eyes out in front of everybody. I feel completely disrespected and dismissed and don't know where to go or what to do. Why does life have to be so hard?