for years now this has been an ongoing thing but I been noticed is more frequent and a lot stronger. I’ve always thought having days where you feel down is normal but as I grown it had progressively gotten worse. I find myself having extreme instructive thoughts or very loud thoughts. It drives me crazy how I over think and I do find myself having uncontrolled  suicidal thoughts and I zone out a lot ( I guess this is known as disassociation). I have trouble  being around people because i get extremely annoyed or over stimulated during conversation. It angers me because I feel like I’m being weird but I just don’t have the patience to hace a conversation. I don’t know if it’s normal but it’s becoming an issue because I feel like I’m giving up and at this point, living just seems like a chore. My family does have history of depression and bpd. I don’t know who to speak to about this.