No therapist cause I can't afford one, so in order to get better I've got to just sort of wing it.. I'm trying though.

I'm 28 and, for the past 10 years, I have been gradually getting less and less comfortable in the vicinity of people--basically, anywhere outside my home. It started when I'd say "nah" to invites to go places--they didn't want me anyway, I figured, it'd just be easier.

Then I started opting to stay home and take care of my nephew instead of going to places like the store. 

Then I stopped getting invited anywhere, at all, for anything. I was equal parts relieved and hurt, although, I had no right to be hurt. I did this to myself.

I've spent my entire life running from things in this way: I'm 28 years old and don't know how to drive a car, I've never had a job because the mere thought of an interview gives me an anxiety attack, phone calls drive me to tears, I've never had a significant other or even a kiss (let alone anything more than that), and I have a grand total of 1 friend that, for some absurd, wonderful reason, hasn't let me fade away like all the others. I live with my mom under the guise of taking care of her, but I'm fooling no one.

The thing that is really bothering me the most, though, is that I had what seemed like a medical emergency, and I honestly considered dying instead of getting help and looking like a slovenly mess. FORTUNATELY, the problem wasn't half as bad as it seemed, but that was enough of a wake up call.

So I went on a walk.
It was 9 at night so no one would be around, and I had my sister for company, and it was only around the block (so like, 10 minutes), but it's a start. My eventual goal is to be able to go to the store alone, buy things, have a decently pleasant conversation with the cashier, and then walk home without feeling like an idiot. That's gonna take a while.

Baby steps. It's okay to start small. And for the love of everything holy, don't wait until you have a medical emergency.