Whenever I go out in public, people make jokes of literally anything I do and I know so because I speak their language though I am of different ethnicity. I tested this out, I put on my earbuds and switched it to transparency mode. A few examples, when I'm out in public alone \*multiple\* people say "You see the boy in the white jacket? He's lonely hahaha he doesn't have a girlfriend or friends with him on Friday", "He's shorter than my girlfriend what the fuck hahaha" or when I'm reading a book in the metro or on the bus they snark and say "he's probably reading harry potter what a dork" (I wasn't but even if I was, so what?), "He looks like he's useless and doesn't have a job" etcetera etcetera. Throughout all of this I just mind my own business and I don't get why a lot (not everyone, I've encountered kind people) go against me when I don't even attract attention to myself. I'm not even a douche or an asshole, I'm just of a different skin tone and it makes me feel so alienated.

This gave me heavy anxiety whenever I'm out and made me very self conscious going outside even when no immediate threat is in front of me. I keep telling myself not to care or give an f but I can't even concentrate on what I'm watching on my phone or what I'm doing because a part of me gets anxious if someone is talking sh\*t about me. Every time I go out, I just shut the world out with music because I don't want to hear anything.

I wish I could say it's all in my head and I thought so at first but apparently it's a reality for me and it sucks. And I feel like such a pu\*sy because I let all this get to me.