**cw: suicide**

Hello, first time poster here! I (25F) was diagnosed with BPD by a licensed clinical counselor in 2016 when I was 19, following a suicide attempt after my long-term boyfriend of nearly 5 years cheated on me. I spent about a year in therapy with that counselor, and another 6-12 months in therapy with her a few years down the line in 2021 (after, you guessed it, another suicide attempt related to relationships). We did a lot of CBT and DBT which I found to be extremely helpful. Throughout that time, I tried Prozac, Lexapro, Gabapentin (as a mood stabilizer), and Effexor XR. There was a period from about 2017-2020 where I was unmedicated.

Anyway, here in 2022 I have been on a combination of 150mg of Effexor XR and 100mg (x2 daily) of Gabapentin, but I'm starting to become really frustrated with some of the side effects I've been experiencing. I gain weight steadily with improvement to my diet and exercise, get frequent migraines, and I am almost always drowsy. (Some of these may be coming from my Nexplanon implant, but I can't be sure and it seems easier to tamper with the psych meds first rather than get the implant removed.)

I know medications can sometimes be lifelong with cases such as Bipolar Disorder, or they can be short-term for other cases. I've only really ever started medications following suicide attempts that could have been avoided earlier had I made a plan to seek out help sooner from my therapist, but I was stubborn at those times and didn't have an emergency plan. I want to find a way to keep my BPD in check (mine is Quiet, so I mostly just have sharp mood swings and can get delusional about relationships if I don't discuss them often with each person) but I don't want to be on medications forever because I don't like the side effects. 

Is this something that has been possible for folks with Quiet BPD or BPD in general? Are a lot of people with BPD medicated for the long-term? Ideally, I would like to be at a place in my life that I am not on any medications for my mental health, and I can keep on top of it by practicing CBT and DBT concepts regularly or intermittently seeking out therapy. I have felt for the past year and a half that my symptoms are in check 95% of the time, but I am afraid of relapsing or ending up realizing the hard way that my symptoms are only at bay because of my most current long-term relationship being stable. Just trying to gather trends and peoples' experience on this post- I do have a follow-up with my psychiatrist in a few weeks and will not be changing how I take my meds until I speak with them.

TL;DR - Is it possible to use medication short-term with BPD (such as following a depressive episode) and then stay in remission using therapy and CBT/DBT?