When I was younger I got bullied a lot. Like it started from since I could remember, 5 years old (?) , all the way to 12 (different groups of people). But I mostly ignored them and continued to focus on studying so when I graduate I can leave everything behind, no big deal right? But after I left, I'm suddenly so depressed (?), anxious (?), bipolar (?). I don't know too. I'm suddenly too scared to trust anyone, to open up, I don't know how to move on. I get anxious easily all the time but maybe I'm overthinking??? Sometimes one moment I'm all happy, upbeat, positive and social, then a few seconds or minutes later I'm suddenly so angry, filled with hatred, looking down on others, have the sudden want to lash out and harm others. I really don't know what on earth is going on. I go from depressed, wanting to kill myself to wanting to kill/harm others. My mindset, way of thinking changes so often too, so I get exhausted easily.

I get distracted easily in class and just can't seem to get anything into my head. Does anyone have any advice on what I can do? (Also my parents are the "stereotype" Asian parents so they don't really understand mental health and circulate everything around my studies)