
I (33F) went to the store yesterday and noticed a couple items I was considering getting my husband (M35) for Christmas. All anniversary types of holidays have passed. As I picked up this beautiful Tomahawk and bad ass machete I paused. I put them down and said to myself "don't be stupid, he might kill you someday with these". Not that we don't already have an abundance of guns that he could use instead. But in the moment I put the Tomahawk and machete down I felt pathetic. I felt weak and traumatized. I felt all the negative emotions that would accompany this moment but I directed them to myself. I married him and I don't have enough money to leave yet. So everything must be my fault. I've had people I truly care about tell me I have a "victim mentality". But I'm in grad school becoming a therapist, I have a psychiatrist who monitors my meds and I have weekly therapy sessions. When do people start to understand the difference between complaining and being abused from infancy to 23 years old? When do they understand the difference between victim mentality and financial/mental abuse? I feel alone in the world but dare I have the audacity to say it. Reddit is a really bizarre place to vent. I've met some people that I've been friends with for an entire year now. But then again, I meet people that are the spitting image of my stepfather and/or husband.