It hurts so much but I know their friendship is different. My old abuser (P) is a narcissist who hurt my friendships with other people, causing them to leave so P was the only important person in my life. He then threw me out after I got nice and attached and it’s making old trauma flair up and I have frequent panic attacks knowing he never truly cared for me, he only wanted someone so he didn’t feel alone. As soon as he got other friends, I became nothing to him. When I got upset and confronted him about it, he’d gaslight the shit out of me and tell me I’m acting crazy. (He even got the person I love to do that, though I’m not sure if they realized what was really happening) This happened over two years ago but I still have severe panic attacks every time I get reminded of him or think of him. The person I love (L) is good friends with him. Really good friends.  It hurts so much because we are really close, and KNOWS what P did to me, but still is close with him. I don’t want to try and take charge of who L is friends with or not, that’s exactly what P did to me. I feel so guilty for being so hurt by this, and it’s starting to affect me and L’s relationship. I don’t know what to do