hi, I (18/f) have dealt with depression and anxiety since I was 12 but the last few years I lost those symptoms and what seems to be cyclothymia (treatment starts mid April) has become very big and deep in my life. 
Basically I'm a very confident person about myself, my appearance, my personality behavior etc but I'm very anxious about my relation to other things and people. Where I stand. I have a history of being more invested than others, or being shocked by my position in a relation being very different than I thought. This was not a problem in my judgement, I was more emotionally developed than people my age and that made it hard for others to reciprocate. After that I became socially anxious and assumed everyone hated me unless proven otherwise, and that I didn't mean anything to anyone. This has left now.
However, now I've been noticing that maybe even for years I've struggled with feeling people's existence. When I don't see them for a while I don't /feel/ them anymore. I lose contact with people very easily, my friendships always die down without problems ever being there. (And usually I can reboot them when I'm around again.)

NOW HERE'S THE THING:
When I don't see my current boyfriend for a while, images of him start to look like a stranger, just an image, just a face. I know factually that it's him but I don't feel it.
Having been involved with a guy who had fear of commitment before this, which mostly happened through phone calls and WhatsApp conversations, might have played a part. He always pretends his feelings and relationships mean less than they do and basically tried very hard to stay with me by convincing himself it was platonic, until it was impossible to avoid and he decided he could not do it and had to leave. 
I believe those confrontations would've been very different in person, to this day. And now the whole thing mostly seems just "we talked a lot and I fell in love and he didn't want any of it." In reality a lot of emotional things were happening and basically this whole thing that happened, it started feeling fake? Like it only happened in my head, because he didn't want to acknowledge it because of his issues.
This is the only cause I can imagine.

I really don't know what to do, whenever I'm with people I try so, so fucking hard to take in their presence and it never works and I'm always sad when I realize that afterwards. Social situations just do not seem real, I don't know how to describe it other than all I've said. Does anyone know what I'm experiencing, or do they have it themselves? When I'm very into someone I'll become desperate to see them again or hear their voice to feel their presence.

Sorry for the long story, thanks