Now, I’m not diagnosed BPD but I have good reason to believe I am (yes, I’m going to a therapist) and I’m making this because I want to prepare, I want to prepare and know how to deal with the depression when it comes knocking at my door. For me typically, depression follows my anger, even though the depression is always there, just a little bit more than others, and it’s normally the intensity of the anger can contribute to the intensity of the depression. After my anger, the depression hits, the black dog, the cloud the hangs over me and makes everything seem useless, it makes me feel horrible. Depression makes me feel like I’ve let my family down, like I’ve let everyone down because I’m not a good person, that I’m a burden that does nothing but annoy and anger others, I have ideas about going into a bathtub and cutting my wrists quickly and then bleeding out as if I’m falling asleep, or going to the rooftop in LA and looking out at the night sky and just letting myself fall eyes closed. Now, I don’t think at the time I would’ve done any of that, but I couldn’t get it out of my head, the same image of me in the bathtub with blood just sleeping, or me going back first-trust fall style- falling off an incredibly high building, I couldn’t stop it. These feelings can disguise themselves as different things, the suicidal ideations, the thought I’ve let everyone down, the thought that I’ll never be good enough, the thought that I’m nobody, etc. I just want some tips as to when the depression really shows up and presents itself in a very painful way, how can I deal with this? How can I feel not empty again?