Hi y’all, I thought I might share my story and see what y’all think. On the outside I look pretty normal and like the typical guy my age. I’m 20 in the military and going to college. No one really sees what I really am except maybe my girlfriend. We are really close and I tried explaining everything but she didn’t quite get it until I had a manic episode. One day I had one and absolutely went berserk. I hit myself hard, intentionally trying to hurt myself by punching myself in the head or slamming my face into concrete until I can’t lift my body anymore to continue hurting myself. And I scream the entire time every time until I have no voice left to scream. I also am quite obviously a pathological liar and lie about everything. And maybe a manipulator using my self harm and self destruction to influence others. I honestly have no idea what’s wrong with me. Sometime when I become manic I feel like I’m someone else or something else. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like the “devil” or some shit is in me. I feel evil and can do things that no human should, I become deplorable and disgusting. I become violent and cruel. And at this point it has only ever been self harm but I worry that one day it will become more and I will hurt somebody. I sometimes think maybe I have different personalities incited by my manic episodes but I’m not sure I’ve never met anything that reacts like me. If anyone feels like this or maybe has had experience like this id like to hear your story.