I’m a 33 year old female visiting my home town. She told friend that she thought I was hot, hit on me at a party, I thought she was cute and fun, and we slept together. Then we hang out a few times and just made out a couple of times. I got vibes from her that she was interested in me but I also got vibes of her being nervous and hesitant. Then I was planned to stay at her place for a week. I needed a place to stay temporarily (long story) and she offered multiple times so I thought yea maybe that could be fun, I’ll give it a go. I was looking forward to a fun and hopefully sexy week. When I arrived, I was really happy to be there but felt a bit shy because I didn’t know her flat mates and was just settling in. We didn’t make out or anything the first day I was there which I was surprised about. Second day we did make out… I initiated it… later, she told me that she wasnt in a good place emotionally and that she found it stressful to have me there… she was upset like a mild anxiety attack perhaps… we spoke a bit more and the next day I said I was going to leave and I apologised for stressing her out.

I seems that at some point, she started pulling back and I didn’t notice and I’m not really sure when that point was. Did I ruin it because I was looking forward to it and maybe she felt that as pressure? Was it my strong attachment? Or was it that she was in another place, which is what she says.

 I feel like an idiot because I was into her and was really hoping and expecting something to happen. Expecting because of the vibes I thought I’d gotten from her and that’s the direction things seemed to be going in to me…. I feel disappointed now. I feel ashamed for assuming and I feel guilty for expecting and I feel like a horrible ugly person and no one ever is going to like me. I’m 33. It’s never going to happen. I’ll be alone forever. I hate myself.

It just makes me realise how much I want a romantic connection and I find it so frustrating that it seems impossible for me to achieve.