So to make a long story not so long, I think I manipulated my fp into a fwb relationship because it would give him a reason not to leave. I was crushing on him for almost a year, I'm really attracted to him and I wanted to have sex, but looking back, was it the sex I wanted or the validation that comes with it? The answer is the latter. Not only does it bring that sweet sweet validation we all seem to crave, but I feel like I only ever offered to do thinfs with him because it would make him stay with me.

And now I feel like an evil person. Tricking someone into sex like that is NOT cool. I've never even had sex before this, I didn't know the powerful emotions that come with it. I just can't believe I've done this, I feel like a horrible person, I am a horrible person.

And to make matters worse I'm going thru extreme withdrawal from him because I moved away and he hasn't been talking to me. I can't move on from him. I've done so many things to trick him into staying with me (sex, money, drugs) and he left me anyway. I literally can't stand myself.