I came to pretty sad realization tonight. 
I've been feeling like this for a while now but it hit me really hard just now. 
I wake up, arround 12, drink a coffee, get on my pc. 
Then I get up put on some clothes pretend to get ready to go outside knowing I won't have the energy, and then pretend to be busy with whatever and just play games for the rest of the day. 

And then at night I will finally get something to eat, sit down and think to myself "where did all that time go ?, i woke up 12 hours ago and nothing happened". It's like I'm just spectating at this point. There are many things I know I need to get done, and I'm not lazy. I want to do those things, I really do but I can't get myself to start or finish. 
And so at the end of every single day I sit down and wonder when it got this bad for me. 

I hate feeling like this, I feel like every opportunity at a better life is out of reach, it's suffocating and no one arround me wants to take it seriously.