Long story short my boyfriend of 3 years refuses to tell friends and family about us dating due to a fall out that happened over 2 years ago. He wants me to wait another 6 months to a year depending on our progress as a couple. 

His mom is threatening that If he gets back together with me she won’t support him financially (I never did anything to his mom - I swear on my grave.) he’s going through bankruptcy rn and so this is why this is slightly important but also feel like I shouldn’t have to suffer because of his financial choices that have brought him to this point.

Anyway, here is what I’m meeting to tell him today:

- If you can’t tell your friends and family we are together, I can not be in a relationship with you. 

He’s expressed in the past that if we can’t be together he’d like to be friends.... 

- I don’t want to be friends with him. Too much history. I already have friends. 

And that’s honestly kind of it. He keeps guilting me in saying that giving him an ultimatum isn’t okay. 

But I’ve waited close to a year for him to tell his loved ones about us and I think that’s enough time.

He also keeps saying that due to our recent communication breakdowns, he doesn’t feel safe telling anyone because we are not stable as a couple yet... I feel like he’s just trying to prolong this given that our recent fights weren’t as nearly as chaotic as they were say 2 years ago due to me being in therapy/DBT and because I have grown tremendously since my diagnosis.


It’s not okay for him to keep me at arms length and expect me to be fully committed — which I have been. 

I’m tired of feeling like he can just control everything and not meet me half way and yet I have to make up for every thing I’ve done in the past three years.

Being self expressed and honest with your friends and family shouldn’t be contingent on how your girlfriend operates especially since I’ve been doing really well.


He usually has a way to charm and or smooth talk me into believing that everything will happen at the right time but I truly believe the time is no or never. And, this is after I have been patient and understanding for a year. 


Any advice/reminders would be greatly appreciated.


Thanks!

