i have miraculously kept a very stable work history despite my mental illness and i feel like that is coming to an end. i have an awful crush on my boss and it is slowly escalating and ruining things the way i ruin things whenever i've fixated on people in the past, except this time i can't fucking separate personal and professional because she is my boss. i expressed an embarrassing level of insecurity today (the 'do you hate me am i annoying you' type of thing) and she was like ??????? and i want to leave the country. 


i don't know how to stop this. i feel like a snowball going downhill and it is getting steeper and collecting more shit and i am hurtling towards the bottom faster and faster. i am so scared of this affecting my life in the real way with income and career. has anyone had this bpd cross over into their work life in a very significant way? 

i'm scared and upset.