I've spent years avoiding my own self, sought fulfilment in relationships and sabotaged one after the other.
The last one that just ended is something that's just caused me to stop feeling. I'm a musician but I don't feel emotion when I listen or play anymore. I don't feel joy. Unlike the debilitating kind of depression, I'm still functioning and eating. But I just can't feel life anymore. I try to read literature and watch things. Nothing. I feel like I'm turning into a shell.

I left him for someone else. Now I feel like there's pain no matter what I do. I hate myself for causing this much pain to others. He's broken and can't feel either. Here we both are. Here I am.

Please help