do you ever just choose to remove yourself from friends because you know it will cause much more harm than good if you remain friends with them? you phrase things terribly and not actually how you mean? you know you hurt them more than actually being healthy for them? i thought i was better, i thought i was a good friend. i am not a good friend. im terrible. i warned them when something extreme happened the first time that its bad and i don’t want them to be hurt by me but all i ever do is hurt. i just want to be a good person for people. i want them to be happy and feel safe around me. but i cant do that when im not normal. when im crazy and a terrible person and overthink and get mad at everything. oh how im so tired of it. it hurts so bad. i want people to be able to be happy around me. i want to be a good influence. but if i get too close to people, i will hurt them and make them feel awful. i dont want to be a monster. i dont want to be a bad person. i want people to feel safe, like they arent walking on eggshells. but i am a terrible person. i hate myself. i cant do it anymore, i dont want people to be hurt. im so sorry to anybody ive ever hurt, its so hard, i hate existing with this. its so hard. i have so much love to give, yet i fuck it all up im sorry. im sorry.