I'm currently M19 and have been long suffering with depression and anxiety since about 12 years old after undergoing a major surgery and being in a mentally abusive relationship for four years, among other things. I'm now in a very happy relationship and have been for a year and a half.

My fraternal twin brother on November 12th of this year was involved in a car accident where the other driver crossed the median on a state highway and hit him head on. The other driver was pronounced dead, and her passenger later succumbed to his injuries a month later due complications from the accident combined with COVID. My brother thankfully survived with two broken femurs, a broken tibia, a broken heel, and broken clavicle (shoulder, from the seatbelt).

In the past two weeks, I've come up with a severe phobia of death, of my own and of my family. This comes extremely out of the blue for me, but I sort of understand why.  It's important to note a few things: 

* at the same time this phobia has started, I've been on Latuda 20mg and Buspirone 5mg for about a month. This has helped tremendously with my depression, and a bit with my anxiety, but seems to not help at all with this phobia. 
* I'm in college and just finished up my exams December 10th.
* I'm in a long distance relationship and this phobia started the day of or MAYBE a  couple days before I left on my flight to see my girlfriend. I can't even remember exactly. I always think of everything in numbers, and especially time. I always manage to condense 2 weeks and 6 days into just "2 weeks" and etc. and tricks like that to make the time seem smaller - which works amazing for that, but when I'm scared of  time being so short, it's terrible. 

I'm managing to condense my whole life down to where I'm basically scared my life will end tomorrow. I'm scared of ridiculous things like the world ending and killing us all. I am scared of death and that I will somehow still be conscious infinitely and stuck endlessly tormented by being non existent but thinking. I am scared of time.

I've always one to cope with joking and holding off my emotions. I do not show my emotions to many but my girlfriend. I think I've been in a guarded mode, going back and forth to the hospital, taking care of my family, etc. and constantly moving and somewhat thriving off the purpose that college stress gives me. I'm thinking travelling maybe signaled my guard to go down and is making me really deal emotionally with the accident now.

Today has culminated in a panic attack and I've been crying over this the past couple days because of the extreme fear and anxiety I'm getting. Many say that life goes by fast, and it does, but in the rational side of my head (which wasn't doing anything for me and still isn't - but typing this out is slightly therapeutic), I know the 60-70 years left I still have isn't going to go by that quickly. It's a long, long time. But I also am worrying how my parents and grandparents feel, and that one day I will feel like that ("my life is half over - I've already done this once, so this will past by basically tomorrow"... etc.)

Has anyone else who deals with their emotions similarly faced a major traumatic event and/or come up with the same or similar phobia? How did you deal with it?  Is there a scientific explanation for my guarded mode? Can I expect this phobia to dissipate over time? This is the worst type of anxiety I've ever dealt with and it's making 24/7 hell. I feel so helpless and in despair and I just want to feel better again.