ok so don't rly know if this is a bpd thing but i guess imma post it here anyway since it affects my progress and recovery. 
I have like a paralysing fear of getting kidnapped, sold into trafficking, and stuff like that. I don't feel safe going outside and don't fully feel safe in my own home as we've (my fam when i lived with them) previously had a home invasion  that further traumatizad me cuz i was inside when it happened. 
Anyway so even though im making progress with my mental health I still sometimes get thoughts of "it doesn't matter, look at you so happy today, sold for sex tomorrow" or "whats the point of doing anything i could get killed tomorrow". Its not even that Im afraid of death, I'm afraid of seeing everything I do for myself and others dissapear. Like if i get trafficked, my education, friendships won't matter anymore. I still have a drive to ignore these thoughts and keep going, but sometimes they get overwhelming, like when i get triggered by something. Moving into a suuuuuper safe area sounds like a good solution, but at the end of the day I still gotta go outside and that comes with it's own bag of worms, I don't know what to do... There's things like living and commuting with others exclusively but obv not all of these things are possible at all times. Idk what to do. I don't even want to lose this worry bc women get in this type of shit all the time, I just want it to stop making me feel like every day is my last.