I've given up hoping. Every time I choose to trust and have a little faith, my worst fears come true. I have been going through for 5 years, since I was 14. I wake up empty, a giant void in my stomach, the world is grey, sad, and I feel overwhelming grief at the fact that I have to face yet another day of it all. The only person who I thought understood me because we would call for hours doesn't have enough time because she's always busy nowadays. I listen to sad music and sob in my room and I don't fucking care if it's leaning to the artsy indie heroine trope. When my suitemate cried they all went running to her room to see if she was okay--but they never do that for me. My parents don't understand and won't let get a therapist. I'm trapped with this hell for atleast another 4 years and I don't know if the cracks will be repaired by then or I'll be broken beyond repair. I can't imagine my life without depression at this point.