Hey, all--I've been a long-time lurker of this sub ever since researching more about the symptoms I experience when my anxiety and depression are at max speed, and realized that the most likely candidate responsible for my misery is BPD.

Upon first reading about BPD and common triggers, causes, and symptoms, I completely broke down realizing how similar to my life the most common cases are.  It was a strange mix of feelings: like being forced to recognize I am broken and beyond complete repair, but also finding a community in which people may understand me and my thought processes--which I sometimes can't comprehend myself--and assist one another in healing and possibly living "normal" lives someday, with our illnesses under control.

For all of my life, I've been a very strong-willed individual.  I know what I like, what I don't, and have always had certain expectations for how I should contribute and conduct myself within our society.  Reading about BPD victims feeling that they don't have a good or constant sense of themselves always baffled me, because I had always thought that I knew myself and my values and aspirations through and through.

Lately, I've gone through so many trials that I'm just feeling that disassociative, lost, static-y place in my head.  

I lost my latest job Monday, and realized just a few days later that I can't stop defining myself by whatever I happen to be doing at the moment, no matter how strong I think my sense of self is.  I've been pigeonholing myself into whichever job I have at the moment, or whatever city in which I'm currently living, or who I'm friends with or dating.  Then time runs its course, I run away from my "life", and I do it all over again eventually.  Moving several times, working at dozens of places, meeting many new people and fucking up any chance I had at forming friendships or making my mark in whatever industry have all escaped me over the years to the point which I'm exhausted starting over.  I'll be thirty next April and I can't bear the thought of continuing on and switching masks every six months to a year.  

Have any of you managed to break out of this cycle?  Ever since leaving college at 20 (which was still a place that I found very difficult to settle into my own niche), I've been drifting about here and there, working menial jobs and struggling every day.  I'm so tired of it--I really want to settle down, find my 'work family', start my own family, and just be at peace for once.  I have no idea how to prevent everything that makes me squander opportunities and alienate people, though.   

&amp;#x200B;