I don't even know where to start.. or why I'm even typing this.. I feel so zoned out on a regular basis that I tend to have a delayed reaction to anything traumatic in my life.. lately I've been extremely depressed almost suicidal because of something I said to an ex a few weeks ago. I was hurting so I sent her a 4 minute voice message saying lies that i knew would hurt.. well she returned the favor and its thrown me down an even deeper spiral than I was in before.. I had it coming tho, so I deserve it..  the past few weeks I've barely slept or eaten at all. I've lost probably over 10 lbs.. I work a physical job (construction) and this past few weeks my diet has been a coffee in the morning and a muffin. Nothing for the rest of the day because I just don't feel hungry.. I have an appointment with my family doctor in 11 days and I'm going to ask her about.. idk therapy or meds.. I don't even know where to start and it feels overwhelming. If it wasn't for help lines that I call daily then I don't think I'd be here.. that and knowing how my friends and family would feel if I were to leave in that fashion.. idk I'm lost and I feel like I'm drowning, swimming deeper into the abyss..