I don't even know why I'm making this. Fake account and I'll probably delete. I honestly don't know how to live anymore. I like my work but it's as EMT and it's pretty depressing at times. My family was shit growing up, they ruined my life and I will never get my childhood back. I live with my sister now but she is depressed and bipolar and recently lost her job so now I'm paying all the bills on my own and I don't make enough to pay that. I don't even like her but our family fucked us both up and she's worse off then me and now I feel like I have to help her. I'm going to college full time but it's all online and I feel so alone because of it. I never went to school before and trying to do college alone with no help is extremely difficult. I want to be a firefighter but I'm not in good shape and I'm trying to workout but the stress is stopping me and I don't have anyone to help me. And today my only friend said I was too much and that they need a break from me. I can't handle the stress and pressure from work and life all by myself and I don't have anyone to help me and I don't know what to do anymore. I'm sitting here drinking and crying trying to think of something to make me happy but I can't find anything. I don't even know why I'm posting this because nothing anyone can say will help me. What I really need is a friend and for some reason I can't make any and during the silm time I have one and I seem to fuck it up in end and end up worse then I was before. I just want to feel happy for once in my life.