 I've had lifelong major depressive disorder and several anxiety disorders. Been on roughly 30 medications without any response, so now my depression and anxiety as a whole are referred to as "treatment resistant".

 Two years ago I underwent a period of extreme stress. Many, many things occurred, right before COVID-19 was officially declared to be a pandemic. In the fall of 2019, I began having a litany of different symptoms. 

It started with seeing purple circles/rough shapes in my vision in the dark. They gradually started to multiply over a period of several weeks to the point where it was overwhelming and clouding my vision in the dark. Since then I have these shapes/colors constantly wherever I look. I then started having irrational trains of thought that, while I know are not true, completely take control of how I'm feeling/my perception of reality.

 Specifically, a piece of food I was given led me to thinking I was being poisoned or drugged, and I started to feel completely dissociated and wavy. Many times since this point I've had this complete and utter delusional thought, and every single time it has reduced me to sheer panic and brought me to this torturous state of existence. 

I then started to be mildly dissociated more and more as the days and weeks went by until it became my new sense of what was real. More vision issues, with street lights and headlights now glaring and hurting my eyes. I started feeling uneasy and numbness in my extremities from driving. Social situations and crowded places started to make me feel dizzy and almost to the brink of passing out.

Then to the beginning of 2020, I was taking a shower when all of a sudden, the dissociation I mentioned prior kicked in out of nowhere. This time it was ten times as "strong" as that of before.

 Afterwards I started having random headaches on the sides of my head, and this lasting feeling as if there is something behind my eyes. I have manually roll my eyes to relieve this feeling. 

And that has been my baseline of existence ever since, with periods of worsening intensity of the dissociation, before gradually returning to this nightmare. 

It has been shockingly disruptive and destructive to my quality of life. For almost all of last year, I slept 2-4 hours per day, with periods of not sleeping for two or three days. This year I've been getting closer to 4-6 hours of sleep.. I have gone outside only for therapy appointments throughout the last few years. Perpetually questioning reality. I have this constant feeling that I'm falling or about to pass out and/or something is about to happen to me, and I have to mentally fight it and try to bring myself back to this plane of existence. Driving is almost impossible and I can barely drive for a few minutes at a time without feeling like I'm going to pass out. I get that falling sensation or feeling that I mentioned prior heavily behind the wheel. 

The doctor told me the headaches were just associated with my anxiety, and that the feeling with my eyes could just be dry eyes. The eye doctor did not find anything abnormal with my eyes. The psychiatrist believed it to be extreme heightened anxiety, especially the headaches and dissociation. 

I'm honestly scared because I've lost an absolute ton of relatives to cancer, and as psychiatric treatment has not helped, I can't stop thinking that there is something more to this then just anxiety.