i was diagnosed with moderate anxiety last month. i've been experiencing symptoms of minor panic attacks in march and eventually it developed into a full panic attack afterwards. i've just started going for counselling sessions, there's no obvious progress yet. i felt like the sessions are messing up my schedules bcs it clashes with my online classes. should i stop the sessions bcs i think i can handle it at the moment or just tell the clinic to reschedule it for me?

btw, i thank God for my parents who seem to understand my situation. but i just don't like how they encourage me, you know.. typical asian parents style? like "you don't have to be stressed, you're still young" and all that toxic positivity encouragement coming from them makes my head miserable. 

recently, i stopped all the activities i used to enjoy and used to be a part of my life, for example i quit my band, i stopped going to church to serve because i think i need the time for myself. to rest from wanting to live up for other's expectations of me. you know what my dad said? he said instead of resting, he thinks that i'm avoiding it all. like wtf? (don't put hate on him btw) i don't feel comfortable being in a crowd and that triggers the attack???? im just so tired of oversharing my thoughts to other people. they just don't seem to understand. I don't understand myself either. 

also, i notice myself being easily drained whenever i hangout with my friends. after arriving home from a short hangout session with them, i'll get body aches and feeling lightheaded. drained as fuck. 

i don't know if im making sense here but i really hope i can deal with this fucking anxiety that eats me up alive and no one knows how everyday i pray to God to just take my life away. i know there are people out there experiencing the worse than me, but can my feelings ever be validated?