It’s my second day back on Olanzapine and I feel relatively stable. I just made dinner and went jogging. My BFF has been having serious mania the past two weeks and my mom has been having back pain. I’m worried and my main goal is to stay relatively healthy until the tides change for me and life gets better. I feel like my reality isn’t real and I want to do my part to help the damned. However I also don’t want to do something horrible like go on clozapine. My symptoms are really not that severe and maybe I can manage it. I feel like I want to be of help to the damned but ever since covid began, I just haven’t been able to get back on my feet. I haven’t lost any weight and doing chores is turning into a task. I rarely go out without my family due to paranoia whereas in the past I often left the house daily. It feels like a wrapped all these presents for my future a few years ago and now opening them to find that most of them are just dirt. My BFF leaving is a big loss for me and it feels like the future will involve more stress.