I have a tendency to chase and put certain people on a pedestral. Usually they are people with a status (for ex.
school president, someone who is popular) or someone who has an edgy style and doesn’t really show emotions.

I noticed that my sense of self-worth really depends on whether these kind of people like me and I fight for their attention, like I want to achieve their love and affection. As mean as it sounds, I don’t do the same with people who I consider ‘avarage’, I kind of subconsciusly devaluate them, even though I know it’s really toxic and I really don’t want to do it.

I really don’t know what causes that to me, but I do feel some kind of emptiness when there’s nobody to ‘chase’.

Anyone who has seen this pattern before can identify what is might going on?