I am really disappointed and sad and anxious. Background: Since march this year, I am suffering badly from anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia. I spent two weeks in the hospital, didn’t do much because their program is extremely slow and I didn’t have any therapies except maybe 60mins a day if that. And idleness makes me sicker at the moment. Also taking meds (moclobemide and occasionally mirtazapine for sleep). 

Now, I am on vacation with my family at the moment. I was apprehensive of going, because of the insomnia and also the unfamiliarness. The first day was ok, the night was absolutely horrible , then took a mirtazapine and slept a bit but was “out of it” the whole next day.

After that, three days and nights were much better, not good, but better, and I hoped so much things were finally improving. Yesterday we took a long hike and it was very warm, maybe too much, and I also cannot eat my sugar snd refined carb free diet here because it’s not available. I felt tense yesterday at night and I know I thought “oh no, I hope I can fall asleep, oh I must accept this and not fear it or it will be worse”. I did fall asleep but only a few hours and then woke up as usual in the bad times around 2am and had bad anxiety and a little later panic attacks because of fear thoughts that came up. Night is over since then.

I couldn’t take a sleeping med because we will take a hike high up a mountain today and I cannot be in a haze, that would be very dangerous. Tired is not good but better than medicated haze. Also I really hate that feeling.

Oh, we will be using a chairlift today which I am very afraid of in the first place. I think all this is too much for me at the moment but I don’t want to spoil my family’s enjoyment of the vacation. And I don’t want to spend an anxious day alone here in a little room with nothing to do.

Does anyone have any ideas what to do? Are such setbacks normal?   


Thank you.