I am Person w/o BPD (M27) and my ex gf w/ BPD (F31)

My ex gf w/ BPD broke up with me over 3 months ago (Sep 2020) after a very intense argument. This was the worst argument I've ever been in my life. Lots of hurtful words exchanged, I said terrible things which I regret and take back. This lead to our breakup.

Over the following 2 months post breakup, I began seeing someone else. I know the next day after our argument and after I grabbed my stuff from her place, she immediately went to her "ex's" place (that same day). He got my sloppy seconds but oh well, I can't judge as I also began seeing someone else a very short time post breakup.

I had really missed her and  texted her quite often the following 2 months after the breakup - apologies, how I'm working on myself, therapy programs, charity work, plans for how we can possibly make it work, and more apologies. I talked with a therapist, read lots of things online, Youtube videos, articles, etc on BPD and how to manage being in a relationship with a partner who has BPD in hopes of us possibly getting back together, so I can be better positioned.

However, despite my efforts, on November 11 she told me there is "no future between us and to respect my wishes and stop contacting me". I cut contact there. She blocked me on social media, so I proceeded to block her everywhere else, so I can fully move on and heal, as this is what she wanted (or so I thought) and I have to respect her wish.

Nine (9) days later, on November 20, despite her own wishes to end things, and to cut contact, she called me 6 times in a row early (over a span of 20 mins) in the morning. I was in a different part of the country, with a different time zone, and didn't answer the calls.

I was concerned for her well being, so 2 days later (Nov 23)  I texted her asking if anything serious needed to be conveyed and if she was okay. She did not reply to this text.

Then, on December 3 late night she texts me saying "I wish we could talk". I did not see this text until the morning. When I go check my phone, I see she tried calling me again 3 times in a row (over a span of 30 mins) again very early in the morning. I did not answer the calls. However, I text her saying "Okay, I got your calls. I am 3 hours behind in the west coast" to which she replies back with "Okay sorry about that".

The following week, on Dec 11, I was back in town.  Since she wanted to talk and she's the one who reached out, I text her saying "I'm back. Do you still want to talk". A few hours later she replies with "I think we probably need a bit more time". In my head I'm thinking, well you're the one who wanted to talk and tried calling me a total of 9 times.... but now we need more time?!? I was confused but let it slide and didn't reply.

20 mins later she texts me again saying "I just want you to know that I really did love you and wanted to be with you forever :(". I responded to this text with "Thank you, I appreciate that. I share the same feelings of loving you and hoped for the same. We live, learn and improve :)"

I was a bit confused here, but understanding that mood swings and having her mind changing is at the core of BPD. Also, this push/pull dynamic is also at the core of BPD and it seems like this is what she was doing here, but I cannot confirm. It also seems like whatever mood she was in when she tried calling me, had passed by the time I got back in town.

It was incredibly difficult for me to move on and date someone else, have sexual relations with someone else, as in the back of my mind I wished to reconcile things with her, and her calling me 9 times after she essentially told me "we're done", did not help me with moving on. I let her know that I was willing to talk, per her wish and texted her saying "Just so you know, through ups and downs, I am open to dialogue and talking per your wish". To which she responded "Okay thanks for letting me know :)". This was on Monday, December 14 and there has been no contact since.

May anyone, in particular those with BPD, shed some light into her possible motives/actions? Did she really want me gone from her life when she told me to not contact her (something I highly doubt as she's the one who attempted to reach out 9 times, 2 weeks apart, and wished for us to talk)? Is she keeping me "on deck" in case her rebound or current person she's seeing doesn't work out? Or is she just trying to play mind games with me and has no real intent of ever talking things through or possibly reconciling things, despite her saying "I think we probably need more time" and wishing for us to talk?

We had lots of great times together and I really did love her. She said "I love you" to me first, she called me "the one", said I was the "best boyfriend ever", reiterated how happy I made her and how important I was to her. She mentioned multiple times that she's really happy having me in her life.

Anyways, some input is appreciated here. thanks!