This is a throwaway account, I want to apologize for the sporadic typing, I have so many things in my mind and I don't know how to formulate it? 

I have and can make friends easily I think? I also have friends that are girls. I have been told that I am a great friend and a great listener. That anyone would be lucky to be with me, but I hardly get matches on dating sites or apps, and the ones that I do get immediately unmatched or ghost me. Are my friends lying to me to make me feel better? If so, I feel more hurt because I never make a connection that leads to somewhere. I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about love, I want to go on dates, hold hands, cuddle, God I just want a hug.

I feel like the older I'm getting, the farther I get to finding love, I'm about to be 30. I feel like my life isn't going anywhere. I know that you shouldn't base your life on marriage and all that, but I genuinely find joy and happiness when I make others happy. I can be independent but I feel more complete when I'm with someone. I'm not desperate to find someone, I want to find that connection and I'm losing hope.

I know about "nice guys", I am not a nice guy (I'm the loveable asshole with my friends), I'm a good guy, I'll be there for my friends when they need someone to talk to or need help, and they know I'll be joking to help them feel better. I'm not trying to sleep with my girl friends, I love them like family, because to me, they are.

I'm reading this over and I feel stupid but I needed to let this out. I'm sorry again if this is sporadic or doesn't belong here, I have nowhere else to turn.