Social Anxiety *really* *really* loves making it hard to press send, doesn't it?

Whenever I do anything, texting, emailing, ect. I take such a long ass time to reply to strangers or people I'm note extremely close to (I.E. family) Like it literally takes me half an hour to write a whole reply, be happy with it, than an extra 20 minutes to hit send because I'm looking over it, wondering if this is a bad idea or if my reply was shitty. If I should've said something else or just left them alone.

Because I always feel like I'm being a bother when I try to talk to people. I think this is partially why people stopped talking to me, because I just never connect back. People have tried so hard to help me make friends :\\ but I've just ruined everything for myself by never self-advocating. It sucks.

Even if I do self-advocate briefly, I can never keep up. Make one friend and lose them because I don't feel like keeping up with activities or the relationship. I'm just a really socially anxious, avoidant, reclusive person, and while I love the thought of having friends and doing things every once in awhile. Most peoples definition of 'every once in awhile' isn't like over 4 weeks or two months. 

I like my me-time, but I also don't like to be alone when I go out in public. My mind seriously can't make up what it wants. :,)