(TW: Self harm and Eating disorders)

Initially I started sh to punish myself because I would constantly endure emotional abuse from my parents and thought the cuts were punishment. Thing is they were never deep enough, and we’re more like cat scratches than cuts. I have friends with scars and I feel like I’m faking it because I don’t do them deep enough. I feel like a pussy for getting scared of the pain but I’m also worried that my mom might walk in on me and my house will go into psych ward mode again. So I’ve resorted to disordered eating cause it’s easier to hide. I don’t eat all day then I binge and eat even when I’m not hungry, then I purge using laxatives because puking doesn’t work. At this point it’s addictive. Despite me already losing ten pounds and feeling faint whenever I stand it doesn’t feel like enough. It still feels like I’m faking it for attention and I’m disgusted in myself.