maybe a day even? To experience growing up “normally”.  I wish i could wake up in the morning without having to drag myself out of bed, i wish i could do simply tasks without feeling like I used all my energy within the first ten minutes of being awake. To be able to grow up properly, to have a childhood. I wish I got the chance.. I wish i was lucky enough.

I’ve wasted so much of my life feeling like i’ll never be able to compete with my peers. Because really, i can’t. I often can’t do simply shit like brushing my teeth or showering or. even loving people sometimes. But then again I feel like I sometimes love too much? Weird cause I don’t think i’ve ever had somebody genuinely love me. But maybe i’m wrong. 
I fuck it up regardless so I guess it doesn’t matter. 

The thought of working everyday for the rest of my life makes me feel ill lol
i’d really rather not.. if i could figure out a field that i’d actually enjoy maybe it would be different? But nothing seems that interesting to me.
As a kid i wanted to be a palaeontologist but I don’t know if i’m capable of doing that now. I suppose I have time to figure it out i’m still in high school.

I really don’t know what else to write here. it’s late and honestly going over this and fixing grammatical mistakes is just.. not happening lmao. Just wanted to talk a bit I guess.