I went through a series of online workshops and was accepted into a group starting today and I just can't bring myself to go or even get out of bed. I was up in the night wanting to run away, wanting to die, scratching myself and hitting myself, barely breathing. It won't work, nothing ever makes me feel better. I hate being around people. I am too ashamed to walk into the mental health office. I probably won't do the work. I wont get along with anyone, I'll probably just split on the facilitators.  I just wish I could die, but I am a parent and I am fucking trapped in this life I don't want, if I had ANYWHERE for my child to go I would. My partner supports me, that it the only thing I have, and I wish he would just leave me alone because of the hell I put him though and I am not even able to help myself.