I am 29 years old and i feel totally stuck and lost.I have no idea what i want with my life and i feel by now i have achieved nothing for myself.Offcourse i am a mam,a wife and i live in a good country but it's like all this does not matter to me.I feel depressed.I want to live life.Mix with people,have a good time,engage in things that make me joyful and inspired but i don't know how to do this.I get short instances of motivation only to wake up feeling completely bored and unmotivated  the next day.I am scared of people.What they think about me.I am always thinking people see me as less than in all ways.Appearances,achievements,capabilities and this alone hurts.I have no meaningful relationship with people because i feel like people do not know me.I am so focused on what others think about me.I am scared of being abandoned and rejected.When can i learn to love and listen to myself when my fear of loosing people in my life is too high.I am not strong enough to say i choose me regardless of what i am i feel immediately giulty when i do this.I am struggling with an alcohol problem.Even on a normal day i have to hide to sip a drink because i am scared of my husband leaving me over my alcohol problem.I end up depending emotionally on people so much that seperation feels like death.I feel like my life is over.All my chances in life are over.Offcourse i want to change.I desire to change so much but the idea alone of change taking so long scares me to death.I want a random change and i guess that is part of the reason i feel so frustrated to do anything.I lack the patience to keep up with the needed consistency for change.I live in fear.I think i fear everything about life.Failure,success,rejection,abandonment,judgements and opinions of others.It is really difficult for me to continue living like this.