I use to post here a lot but for some reason i became embarrassed and deleted it all but right now i am in a deep crisis and i need support. 

i have wanted help and begged to see a therapist since i was 11 years old. i’m 18 now and got diagnosed with bpd, schizophrenia, autism, and major depressive. i figured turning 18 would mean i’m finally able to get myself the help i need. i emailed and called so so many therapists probably in the hundreds over the course of this year and after all the rejection and ignoring I finally found one. 

she made all these promises of getting better and knowing how to help at my intake appointment... but then she never contacted me again. she missed 6 weeks worth of sessions. i called her and texted her when i was in such desperate need crying my eyes out that i need to see her because i was going to overdose and she ignored me and i ended up doing it.. luckily i’m ok. after a while of no answers from her and the front office they told me i’m transferred to a new woman and she was amazing. long story short she made all the same promises and got my hopes up then called me one morning and said she was transferring my case back to the first therapist. it’s been almost 4 weeks and i cannot get an answer from her or the office. yes i have continued to email more therapists but i keep getting REJECTED. I WANT HELP. I AM TAKING 7 PILLS A DAY AND I AM NOT ABLE TO GET HELP. I HAVE ZERO FRIENDS AND MY FAMILY DOES NOT GIVE TWO FUCKS. NOBODY WILL LISTEN TO ME!!!!

my bulimia is coming back in full swing and i don’t even mean for it. i am not eating. my acid reflux is very severe and i am in so much pain and always light headed and dizzy. my dissociating and self identify issues got worse than i ever thought was possible. i feel chronically numb now and it’s convincing me that it is so okay to end my life. i need urgent help and i can’t get it and i can’t keep doing this. i am in danger. and btw, i live in florida and have been in their hospitals and they are not safe and only made me worse so that’s not in the picture. i am so ready to give up. i have no idea who i am and this cannot be real. THIS ISNT REAL. ending my life will not matter because everything is FAKE AND MADE UP. I need help. Just hear me. I am so sick and so tired. WHY DID MY THERAPIST ABANDON ME IT WAS SO HARD TO TELL THEM EVERYTHING BUT THEY SAID IT WOULD HELP THEM KNOW WHAT TO TREAT. I HATE THEM. i feel so weak and like i am very close to passing out. please hear me.