I spend so much of my time focusing on relationships and what partners think of me, what my social media following thinks of me, what my friends and family think. Yet all I've ever done is be my worst enemy and tell myself these awful lies to insinuate my self-hatred but also to diminish my borderline for the sake of others. 

I'm tired of allowing my friends to joke about my borderline and trauma. I'm tired of having to joke with potential partners that I'm "crazy" and "insane" and allowing them to joke the same way. I'm tired of diminishing really impactful situations and events by making a joke out of it on social media. Hell, joking about something I'm working on in a Tiktok is one thing but having others trauma dump on me and telling me how to live my life is another. This transition for standing up for myself and treating myself with kindness is the first step. 

I feel like being by myself the past few weeks have made me finally realize and hate that empty feeling that comes with receiving validation in this form. Shit, I'm proud of myself. I'm not crazy, I'm not insane, I am a human being that is learning and healing. It's not fucking easy but damn, at least I'm a rare one that's fucking trying to heal. And I'm proud of all of you too.