So, while my primary ‘diagnosis’ would perhaps be BPD, I have some strong narcissistic traits, as well histrionic traits. Basically, I can ‘claim’ all the cluster b mix except for ASPD. I do have a lot of empathy and feel emotions very intensely. I chronically deal with all the classic bpd stuff - rapid and extreme mood swings, unstable sense of self, interpersonal difficulties and emotional volatility except for the fear of abandonment, which is usually one of the hallmark signs of bpd. Checking quite some boxes for hpd as well and definitely have a lot of narc grandiosity and ego-driven behavioral patterns in me. 

I don’t exploit people, even though it would be super easy for me and I don’t take advantage of anyone, not willingly at least. I have a lot of integrity and strong ethics (sometimes I wonder tho if that also steams from my narcissistic pride). I feel bad when I hurt people with my actions and do feel remorse. At times I’m full of love and overwhelming compassion and other times everyone annoys and disgusts me and I fell so above them all that it makes me sick. I feel very special in more ways than one and do expect everyone to immediately acknowledge it. I’m addicted to being admired and take it as a given. For better or worse, I get a lot of admiration and attention, so it’s keeps feeding my ego. And I release that at the same time it makes me insecure as I rely on this external validation. 

It feels like being in a constant back and forth mode between bpd and narcissism. Quite a few people (mostly men in romantic relationships) have told me that I can be very narcissistic and I get rather defensive and deny it. I feel like generally bpd makes me more vulnerable and weaker and npd shields me better but makes me a self-absorbed a-hole.

I’ve studied clinical psychology, have done a lot of research (both academic and personal) and therapy work myself. I hate the way PDs are classified, especially cluster b and have so much issues with it all that sometimes I just feel like rejecting the whole idea of the PDs. I don’t like to label myself with things that are so complex and poorly understood even in the mental health community. I’ve spoken with many mental health professionals and they all agree that it’s a mess and just shrug it off. So, I just mostly try to ignore it all, but in my day to day life I have to face those behavioral and cognitive traits I exhibit, whether I like it or not. Especially when all the borderline intensity hits. How do you deal with all those labels and confusion that such comorbidity creates? 

Posted in NPD sub before. Copying here. Thx for reading.