My friends went on a vacation together. I told the friend who organized the whole thing she would have to let me know atleast a week before so I could take off work. I really wanted to go and be with my friends. She didn’t let me know and everyone decided that this friend would go with her family on this trip. Last minute my other friend is like I’m going now omg I’m so excited. I feel like they planned this on purpose. They didn’t but I can’t feel or see that. I feel like they are against me and wanted me not to go. I feel like they hate me. I don’t feel any love for them just pain and like that’s crazy of me. I do have psychosis so idk if that’s just a delusion or something or if I really feel that way. This second thing makes me a bad person. Basically someone I’ve had fights with is thriving. They lost weight and they look happy. And I hate that that’s not me. I’m not happy for them. They’ve done things to me that I feel like they should suffer for. And I know that’s just completely evil of me. They hurt me when I was at my most vulnerable and now I want them to feel the pain they put me through and they aren’t and that makes me angry. 
I have a therapy appointment Thursday but no one understands. Im a bad person for having all these thoughts and feelings and everyone hates me because they see the true me when I’m so egotistical I can’t.