I can't do this anymore. I'm at the end of my rope, staring down at the deep dark of death. 

All my life, I've just been a useless defective fake. 
Autistic and playing at normal.
ADHD without knowing it until far too late.
Weird, wrong, a waste. 

Waste of time,
Of space and others resources.
Waste of effort, not that I've ever been worth it.
Never really been worth anything.
I have no hope, no value, no worth. 

Stuck with two minimum wage retail jobs,
One foot out the door of one,
Slowly thriving at the other. 
A natural fit at customer service,
A natural miss at relationships.

A disaster, a toxic abusive mess.
How can I be such a seemingly good person,
One with so much promise on the outside,
But feel so worthless on the inside. 

Can't afford to keep shelter,
Can barely scrape by sub-parr food;
The wrong food, the incorrectly made food
The took too long food,
The "you do this on purpose" food.

Swimming in this ocean 
Of pain and emotions.
Concerns and uncertainty around every corner,
Wishing for death for an escape 

from poverty, from worry
From meaningless sorry
From overwhelming emotions rocking my core,
From wanting things to change,
Only for another locked door.

I hate these thoughts,
I hate these feelings.
I hate never believing I can ever be enough,
Believing I deserve nothing good,
Because how can I, when I am no good?

Walking on eggshells
My entire "adult" life.
Been caught in a riptide,
Hanging on for dear life. 
What's the point of the struggle,
The point of the fights?

What the fork is the point
Of this miserable life?

I'm reaching a breaking point,
Scared to ask for help.
I'm passing my breaking point,
Who can save my life?
Am I even worth saving? 
Who's going to miss me, if I don't make it out alive?