First time poster. 

December 23rd I was in the middle of an episode. I had threatened to kill a co-worker who was just being manipulative,  and getting into my personal business with a romantic interest I had been talking to. 

Went to an inpatient facility for 3 days --23rd-26th-- and got the BPD from multiple doctors now. My FP, and what inevitably triggers my episodes,  is whoever my romantic interest is. I can't talk to her anymore. Over the years I've learned that I need to just cut myself off from the person. I've been going thru this for 10 years. 

I had a dream with her last night,  set her a FB message this morning,  short and innocent. And she saw it,  ignoring me. I understand why but...I miss her. And I know she understands, she has her own problems and is going into psychiatry. 

I just miss her. I don't have an FP right now,  and it's hard. No one to go to,  and I just feel lost. 