it's been a month since I've been unwillingly weaning off my meds and maaan it's terrible but it's only 6 days more. I had to cut the dose down to half to preserve my meds until the psych appt so here we are. 

yesterday was the worst day ive ever had it seems, even worse than some traumatic bpd experiences ive had. i was like. in a full breakdown for three hours and thought id off myself, then my girlfriend finally texted me even though i hinted at her im feeling bad (earlier). not her fault. she was just tired herself. 

i lashed out at her and got angry because she "ignored" me for those couple hours, then i suddenly broke into sobbing and crying and i apologized to her and. i just feel so bad about this but at least she seems to understand. shes mentally ill herself too, not bpd but still.

nonetheless, today im feelign far better and lowkey manic if i may call it this way but also that sucks because i went out of my way to order a fuckton of things on aliexpress and buy a pizza and call off my classes (i teach kids english, individually)... rip?

im getting a bit tired, i hope ill be able to fall asleep

anyways. im hoping to get a prescription next wednesday. im on sertraline, lamotrigine and valproate and honestly? lamotrigine is the real shit. id be dead if not for it. fr

see, if i wasnt on the high i wouldnt have spammed ilke that but here we are, sorry for typos and all, sorry

also since its my first post then uhh my name is Dan, nice to meet yall