So every year, our family Christmas party has been getting smaller and smaller. This year it's down to me, my mom, and her wife. My brother is coming but not until after he gets off work. My other brother and his wife never come to anything anymore, my grandpa has cancer and is too ill to travel, my cousin is in a psych ward, my aunt (not the mother of psych ward cousin) is a raging asshole and refuses to come over, and my other uncle is a drunk who lives in TN. 
I just feel so depressed and alone. You're supposed to be around loved ones for Christmas... and the only reason I'm around my mom and her wife is cause I live with them. I'm sure if I lived alone, they would end up having some excuse not to come either. 
I contemplated suicide last week, but thought that the holidays would help. So far they're making it worse :/