I’ve been clean from SH for a couple of years now. When I was younger I would always take all my emotions from the inside to the outside to show I was hurting and even the slightest thing could trigger it.

Now when I’m order (23) I’m on antidepressants (efexor) and it’s usually working great, I can finally go on about my day without being a total rollercoaster of emotions.

However, when the bad feeling comes, it strikes hard. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not used to feeling anymore but emotions scare me nowadays because every high just leads to lows and I don’t think people understand how I feel. Just because I’m a bit more rationalized on meds, most people seem to think I’m cured. I don’t explode, I implode. My entire body hurts but I can’t get it out because of clothing, summer, work, etc. I just want someone to tell me that they see that I’m really struggling. I just need to be told that I am being seen. 

Sorry for the lack of coherence, I’m just super tired because lack of sleep...