I dont want to make this longer than it needs to be so ill try to make it short. I am currently a 29 year old male (a damn crybaby) and in my high school years I struggled with panic disorder mostly (shortness of breath and out of control) for about 2 years in high school. I was perscribed “Paxil” and took me additional 4-5 years to gradually let go of it all. My parents were the only ones that were able to help me cope with it.

Fastforward to the age of 24 my dad passed away due to brain cancer. While I was deeply saddened for his passing, I still was able to cope with it without having to use other measures. 

Fast forward to present day, my mom also has stage 4 cancer and only has a couple of days to live. And during that process I have been getting panic attacks back. Im terrified , as my parents were the only ones to help me cope with it. Panic attacks decrease my quality of life as I cannot travel from outside of my hometown, cannot work efficiently, and constant fear.

My biggest fear and ultimate fear aside from panic attacks. Is being “sick” whether it be an accident, cancer, going into a surgery procedure , and not having my parents with me. Everytime I went to the doctor , my parents came with me due to anxiety. Im scared of being in the hospital ALONE with doctors and nurses. ESPECIALLY, during this COVID pandemic.I am deeply afraid if that were to happen to me, I would start physically fighting my way out if I woke up in a hospital bed myself. Because of this when I get panic attacks with shortness of breath it makes it worse as I think “what if this isnt a panic attack? If you go to the hospital, you will be alone”

I havent gone to seek physcological help due to the following:
1) Im afraid of the long-term effects if I am percribed anti-deppressants. Also, starting an antidepressants gives me an upset stomach, and at this point, symptoms start scaring me
2) I am busy being the caregiver for my mother.
3) Im scared of visiting medical places alone.