First things first i have never posted before on reddit or on any other social media for that matter, i explain it a bit more later, so sorry if i get things wrong aha.

I knew something was wrong with me when i started Primary school (or elementery school) other kids that went there quickly picked up on me being very quiet, as in not talking at all, so obviously i became a prime target for bullying almost everyday because they knew i wasnt going to say a word to anyone. This lead to me to missing a huge chunk of school and even running away from home a few times. So i wasnt the smartest kid. 

Fast foward to high school same kinda stuff really. Only saying stuff like "yeah, okay" stuff like that failing most of my exams. But as i hit puberty my mental health took a drematic noise dive. Well i guess this is rock bottom i thought. I couldent speak i couldent consontrate and i was hating myself more and more. The only emotions i could feel were saddness and pain, i was desprate to feel something else so as a last ditch effort i turned to self harming and drugs.

Im not sure about the rules regarding this subject but i feel it may help people who are currantly going through addiction or thinking of trying it. Anyway i startes smoking at 15, weed at 16, and everything else at 17. I would be lieing to you if drugs wernt fun because they defantly were but it will catch up with you. To put it bluntly its not worth it. Extacy caused me a world of problems because its just 6-8 hours of non stop bliss you love everything and everyone but the thing that effected me the most was just being happy for once. It was a feeling i dont think i've ever experianced, just feeling happy. But then you feel like absalute shit for the next day but it was worth it for me at the time. However after taking way more than i should on a near daily basis i started have extream panic attacks constantly. A guy looking at me funny i would be on the floor in tears in agonising pain within seconds. "He wants to kill me, hes a cop, im gunna be in jail for the rest of my life." Every day was living in constant fear and pain but i still continued. Over the corse of 2 years i ended up od'ing 8 times never worked up the courage to go to the hospital for the overdoases till this day im not sure how im alive. At around 18 i was fired from my and had completly ran out of money so  naturally i started to go through  withdrawal symptoms it was by far the worse pain i have experianced. It felt like bugs were crawling under my skin, it got so bad i just wanted to rip my skin off. My self harming got worse my entire arm was coverd cuts