I can't tell if I'm just feeling genuinely confident or manic when I feel good enough to put myself out there publicly. I feel ashamed days after, thinking I was just manic and obnoxious with an over falsity of confidence. That I was feeling on top of the world while looking stupid in reality. Suddenly I want to disappear from the world, stop posting, deactivate my social media, delete everything. I feel put on the spot after posting, with accompanying feelings of self criticism. "Why did you post that rap? That selfie? That deep and self vulnerable post? You seriously think anyone gives a s***? Why would you air your dirty laundry? Do you know how self centered and egotistical you are? Awfully presumptuous of you to believe that anyone gives a s*** about your life or what you have to say? You look so pathetic and stupid. Just delete your Facebook already. You should have disappeared socially months ago."

Chronic self criticism plays into this for sure. These remarks slip out automatically now. Before I really know what's happening. I'm so accustomed to feeling and thinking this way. Sometimes I catch myself mid sentence, saying "I'm such an idiot" on autopilot. Then I have to stop myself and reassure myself that it isn't true. That my inner critic is destroying me again. Does anyone else go through this?