 

It's been 2 years since in cut everything with a person i knew who i thought was a friend.

In  university i made connections with great people, this guy J was older, i  thought he was my friend but he kept making me feel so bad everytime.

I  always had this habit of imaginating people next to me when i'm alone, i  don't talk to myself, i have imaginary talks with people, friends,  family that are not there... it's a bad habit, i always had it.

Because  i didn't realise he was abusive with me for a long time i kept having  those mental fights with him about bullshit, it's like he hijacked my  brain !

One night in university  this J made me come to his place, i thought it would be a nice evening  but as soon as i arrived he blamed me for every shitting thing happening  in his life, i realised at this moment he was a serious drug addict,  not just a simple user, he was depressed and hated himself i know it. He  was a pathetic being,

That's why he shitted on everybody around him and couldn't keep a friendship for long.

He  blamed me for his drug fallback he just had, and after i absorbed  everything and was scared it could become physical and dangerous, the  evening passed and we said bye. Our last encounter was peacefull because  i acted smart and kept it lowprofile while realizing this guy was  insane and dangerous for me.

I blocked him on everything, stopped everything with him, he tried to reach me by other people's phone, i blocked those numbers.

I  was even scared at some point that he would come find me in my new city  to beat me up or kill me, as the lunatic he was on that evening.

I managed to get away with this, finish my final year in University and i moved to another place.

Now that i am unemployed and job searching, i feel down a lot, not confident, i'm vulnurable.

And that's when his mental image and his reflections come in my head, i can't turn them off !

Everytime  i do something silly, i tell myself a joke, i fail something, it's HIM  that comes back to HARASS me over and over and over ! (and some other  bad people i also knew before)

It  is SO heavy for my mental health, i've got similar relationships with  people like that and those mental health abuser keep coming back in my  head  ! I keep imaginating them laughting or mocking me or ridiculising  me with every action i make.

I never interacted with him ever since, goog lord thank you. But he is still there, in my mind, and i hate it.