This is just a rant, so you probably don't need to read on or anything.

I'm in a depressed state. I've been crying nonstop, hate eating, sleep in all day, major exhaustion and no motivation. I'm struggling trying to keep up with my work. I'm struggling to be enthusiastic about work.

One of the things that had helped me through work week was looking forward to seeing my significant other. Just being able to keep him company, seeing him throughout the week, and receiving + giving him affection boosted my energy. However, I was acting up and became super emotional. We were having an emotional discussion and he had unintentionally said something that completely broke my heart in two. The phrase he used was "I only mean it half of the time, when I say 'I love you'." There was an inner turmoil in me. I was utterly distraught, upset and couldn't think straight. We ended up discussing to take begin a one month break, so he can gather his feelings. 

I haven't been thinking positively at all during this one month break. I've found out that I don't like my work at all, so I'm considering taking a different route in my career. I've been facing burnout and crying consecutively more. I feel like this relationship won't come into fruition any longer because I understand my partner so well. I'm too emotionally driven and attached, that it'd mostly overwhelm him. My mental state isn't easy for most people to handle. I can't even handle my own negative mental state, overthinking and depressive episodes. In the end, I've been preparing my mindset to come to terms and accept the fact that he wouldn't want to be with me anymore.

I know there's a saying that goes "If he can't be with me at my worst, he doesn't deserve me at my best." It's such a fairytale quote. I'm so ashamed of myself at my worst, I wouldn't want to keep forcing him to continue to be with me. I'd consider pushing him away when I'm at my worst, but it's my wishful thinking he'd want to keep supporting me after being pushed away. I feel so hypocritical because I'd go to the utmost extent to support my significant other if they pushed me away at their worst. I want a respectable partner with values, morals and opinions like mine. I think if he doesn't want to be with me anymore, it just means it wasn't meant to be. I know I'll probably keep crying for a while, though. After all, it takes time to heal a broken heart. 

I'm sad, but I'll be okay.