This year has been hard. I broke up with my partner of three years and I’ve been so lonely. I only have 2 friends that talk to me and they’re never available anymore. Just recently I had to put down my cat that I’ve had for 13 years due to cancer. I’m so sad. My ‘friend’ promised she would be there for me when the time came and didn’t even say sorry when it happened, I asked her if she could come stay with me for the night because I was in a very dark place and she said no and tried to gaslight me into thinking I was being dramatic and she was still being such a good friend and I’m lucky she even hangs out with me. I blocked her and haven’t talked to her since. I’ve started a new medicine and I can’t tell a difference yet. It’s been a year full of episodes and I don’t think I’ve stopped since November 2021. I feel like I don’t have time for a break but I’m running on empty. My 19th birthday is coming up in a few months and honestly all I want for my birthday is to be alone. I’m scared it won’t get easier because it’s been this way since I was 11. My body is falling apart along with my mental state. I want to hibernate all winter.