Im from South America so Im sorry for my broken english. I've been almost 2 years without medication cuz my valproic acid caused me a sever alopecia losing almost half of my hair, which I haven't recovered back. Since then I've been battling mania and depression by my own, without any pill. No benzos No antipsychotics No nothing, just smoking weed. I know it is not the smartest idea, but im terrified to take any medication at all after what happened to me. Before the whole hair thing, when i was medicated, i was already suicidal. Had a couple cuts here and there. But now Im thinking about that shit all day, just cant stop imaging which way i can do it. I am trying to be positive but is so exhausting dealing with this disorder. I dont know what to do anymore, im only hoping my hair grow back or i will go full bald, but i know that shit will make me go crazy. 

Im so glad this subreddit exist, it really kept me alive these 2 years. Reading that im not the only one.