TW:// Death mention

And I refuse to celebrate. 

Every year before this, I would bend over backwards to make everyone else happy. Yes, even as a child, I made sure to act and be whatever everyone else liked. I never got my white cake or strawberry ice cream, because my family only likes chocolate cake and vanilla icing. So guess what we had every year? 

When I was old enough to pick a restaurant to eat, everyone else's choices took precedence. "Oh honey, you don't want to eat at such-and-such, we go there all the time!" "I just had that [type of food] for lunch this week. I don't wanna go." "Oh, I don't like the food there, let's eat somewhere else!" And so on. 

One year, my older brother cried because I had a cake and he didn't. They went to the local shop, bought him an 8in and put Happy Birthday on it and let him blow out candles with me.

This year, I shut everything down once I saw it happening all over again. I'm not doing anything except my theatre rehearsal. I even deactivated my Facebook so that I'm not bombarded with "HAPPY BIRTHDAY uwu". I had picked a restaurant and day to go out to eat, and all I wanted was my loved ones there, but every single parental figure (mine and my boyfriend's) had something to say about my choice of venue and the date. So I just stopped everything. 

Last year, my "parents" (story for another time) left the country on a cruise the day before my birthday, and had roped me into house sitting. On my birthday. Because they went on a cruise. *On my birthday.* I had to order my own cake, buy and prepare the party snacks, arrange dinner at the restaurant, and so on. Again, bending over backwards so everyone else could be happy on *my birthday*. My "mother" never gave me a party. My biomom did, when I was young. But she died the year before this particular birthday, so all my parents being gone on "my day" was *just fucking peachy*. 

And this way that my "parents" treat me, as if I'm just... There? That's how the whole family treats me. So I'm also bitter at the thought of celebrating my birthday because it's just an excuse for them to play Happy Family and act like they're perfect and raised me perfect. They literally don't care about me any other time of the year, so I don't see why we should all pretend I'm loved and wanted *one day a year* out of 365/366. We all know it's bullshit, so let's cut the crap, eh?

And I'm gonna end this here, but I wanted to add that no one is happy about my decision. They are all trying to twist my arm any way they can think of so I'll go out or "At least have cake at our house!" And the answer is no. 

TL:DR; Not having a birthday this year because I'm tired and stressed.