Last year, when I was 19, I thought that I hit rock bottom. I turned 20 at the end of August and I still felt alone. and all of last year until September, I waited to move out and live alone once I came back to college, where I thought that I would have gotten better because I must get better alone, right? Because living with a family where I felt like I started to feel like I no longer belonged,  I felt like living alone would be what would be best for me. I mean, that's what I was holding on to, that I was going to move out and graduate and finally find a job which would allow me to afford my own place once I moved back from college. I move back home in three weeks, but I'm not where I wanted to be. I'm not done yet, and still I'm not sure that I was ever out of rock bottom living by myself. I still feel like I'm where I was one year ago, but somehow I feel worse. I don't have anyone to talk to because no one really understands. No matter how much I tried to help myself, I felt like it was unfair what I was going through alone last year and to explain it to the people who I thought they should be there for me like I always tried being there for them, didn't do anything because no one asked me what was wrong. Did they even notice? So I left, and I was the only one to go back to see my family, and they always waited for me to visit to see me but would choose each other over seeing me even though they claimed they wanted to see me. So I'm done, but I have no where else to go back to in three weeks, and so how am I supposed to get better if I'm moving back to the same place and the same people where I hit rock bottom in the first place and to where I no longer call the place home. I'm so tired of my life feeling like I have no one that I can talk to who understands and feeling like all I do is give and all that everyone does is take. It's like I can't take it anymore because I deserved to get better and I thought that I would be, but my dreams are all that they'll be just dreams.