I don’t feel like a person, someone who has interests or hobbies or passions or solid views. Every single thing I do feels like it’s a test. Like who I really am is just an observer, and I’m constantly doing and trying new things just to see how it makes me feel. And it’s unstable and chaotic. Because I always end up numb. I push it onto myself to feel things from activities, from people. And it freaks me out how people can see a person when they get to know me. Because I don’t feel like who they see. And I think, if only they really knew. And I split them and make them the enemy and push them away because I’m terrified they will find out I’m not the same person they talked to yesterday. And pretending to be that same person every day when I see them is absolutely draining and confusing. I’m so embarrassed and exhausted. I’m just puttin’ on a goddamn show. This depersonalization is an epic bummer. And I just wanna be alooooone. Where my QBPD’s at? Hollaaa.