Which is the better life for you?

On anti-depressants,  numb, unemotional, level-headed, brain fog, no zest or desire

OR

No anti-depressants,  you feel excitement and energy, zest for life, but you easily get triggered, agitated, pained, sad and weepy?

I'm trying to wean off of Escitalopram and I can already feel the second situation a lot. I don't know if I should continue to stop or just go back to my old numb self because it's just not worth the pain.