I (23F) have been struggling a little bit lately, and was flooded with total shame the other night when I was with someone and experienced the most giddy feeling of happiness then realized the happiness was only the result of having a combination of sex/attention/drugs/alcohol. 
I feel like I can't control or trust myself, especially when I am drinking... anytime I get even close to blacking out, its like my body takes over and decides what it needs is sex. I hardly ever hook up drunk but the second I blackout it is almost guaranteed to happen. 
I am stuck in this weird place where on the one hand I want to have a healthy and active sexuality, because I don't believe a lot of my urges are inherently wrong, and I don't want to keep inflicting so much guilt and shame upon myself. Yet on the other hand, I feel conflicted, out of control, often have turbulent reactions to sexual encounters, usually walk away from most unsatisfied and angry... and I feel like I have to recognize the unhealthy reasons driving this. 
I don't know where I was going with this - just hoping to open up some discussion. Has anyone else experienced something like what I shared, or something else related to BPD and sexuality, especially young females! much love 
