I had two girl friends for a while from 2016 to April this year. They kept leaving me out and only messaging me if it was something drama-related. I got bitter and envious of one because my best friend replaced me to spend more time with her. I felt utter shit and hurt. I brought it up and they accused me of starting "drama". We had a rough fall out and haven't spoken since. If somebody who leaves my life then I do not message them ever again. I'd only message them if they contact me again. Anyway, I say guy  "friends" because I don't see them as friends. I only see them as acquaintances. Thinking about it, I don't really have any friends. I tend to attract the thirsty, desperate, and loser types that only want to talk to me when it's about sexual things. I play along because I know if I tell them to stop they won't speak to me again. I get so bitter, resentful and jealous seeing people online that seem to have lots of good friends that always support them, compliment them, and want to meet them. Nobody ever wants to meet me, so the only time I generally see people is at conventions which is only four days a year. I've started to initiate conversations with women but I'm sure they find me weird and don't want to know me at all. It really sucks... I'd love to have a close female friend I can meet, have fun with, and support each other. I have no self-esteem and I'm really insecure. Because of this, I know nobody would want to be my proper friend.. I've never had confidence in myself and I act fake around people outside of family so I don't get abandoned quickly. The act eventually crumbles away and I reveal my true self, though. Why couldn't I just be normal and likable as other people.....?