Hello all, I’m a 26 yo female, international student in Canada. I feel like I’ve been depressed for the longest time, I don’t even think I was ever “normal”. Long story short, I’ve suffered a long history of physical and verbal abuse from my dad (no longer in contact with him) and some verbal abuse from my mom (I understand now that she didn’t know any better and forgave her. )

I’m the eldest of a family of 3 daughters, so I basically had it the hardest and had little to no guidance. I left my home at 18 and moved to another country after graduating high school, where I was alone. Friends came and went but none of them stuck. So I feel like I’ve been navigating life alone for the most part. 

I haven’t been lucky in love either. The o my guy I ever truly loved rejected me a month after officially dating (we had been long distance for a year prior). I never recovered because he replaced me with someone else like it was nothing. 

I then got into a relationship for 2 and a half that was incredibly toxic and left me deeply scarred. 

I feel very unlovable and alone. I have a hard time getting excited about the future. I am in therapy but the relief is only temporary. 

I just wish I wasn’t so alone. I wonder if I’ll ever be happy…