I guess this is more of a discussion because I really want to talk about this and I have no one around in person for this (or anyone in general). Do you have anxiety that's evolved from what most people classify as anxiety?

I feel like my anxiety is no longer the "small voice that whispers worries in my head", but now it's "a feeling that drains my energy and leaves huge pits in my stomachs that make me want to cry but that doesn't help either and it makes me want to die but I don't go to self harming".

And I try to combat this feeling by distracting myself with YouTube or cleaning but it doesn't work, and especially when it gets dark because my family's at work and friends are asleep and I get scared and sad and numb, I start feeling my heartbeat and overheating, and I want to grab a knife and do something but I can't, so I go to my sad music Playlist and cry for 20-40 minutes but sometimes (like right now) that doesn't help either and I'm just sitting in my tears and self hate/sadness.

Does anyone else experience this or am I an anomaly that should just disappear?