So I've been in and out of different types of therapies for eight years and the phrase 'borderline personality disorder' has been thrown around a lot but I have never been formally diagnosed. At this moment in time I've been in psychotherapy with a BPD specialist for over a year and he doesn't talk to me about my problems. I'm stupidly frustrated and my head is currently in the process of trying to destroy my relationship, which is one of the only good things in my life right now (and even that's a push considering how I'm feeling at the moment!) and my therapy appointments are currently few and far between. It had been over a month since my last one (therapist cut down his days and I had meetings at work) so I made an appointment to see my GP to ask for advice on how to explain the situation to my SO. I wanted some literature to give him to try to explain what's wrong with me but no one will tell me what's wrong with me. GP showed me letters he shouldn't have but none of them diagnosed me, although one of them referred to me as being in a 'borderline state'. GP told me to 'look up depression' (as if I haven't already read everything on mental health. I mean, c'mon, I *told* him it had been going on over eight years) and to speak to my psychotherapist.

I feel like I'm going mad. I'm in a really bad patch and I keep dipping in and out of reality and everything is going wrong. I don't feel suicidal but I'm not overly keen on being alive right now. I just want someone to give me some advice. I have another week to wait to see my therapist so the advice I am looking for here is how to broach the subject of WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME with a psychotherapist I have been seeing for over a year who obviously doesn't want to tell me? 

Note: I live in the UK; psychotherapy is like gold dust on the NHS and I can't afford to go private so firing my therapist and getting a new one is NOT an option.