Hey there,

I want to start off by specifically saying that I don't think she is behaving this way due to BPD- I know many BPD sufferers who are wonderful but I fear that her behavior might be increased due to her symptoms. 

I started seeing this girl two years ago. Things were extremely chaotic in our relationship; she was depressed and bipolar on top of having BPD, and so would be unable to work. I ended up paying for almost everything in the two years we were together, even rent for the year we resided with each other. Midway through the relationship, I found out she was cheating which should have made me leave, but instead I was manipulated into an unhealthy polyamorous dynamic that resembled more like her doing whatever she wanted with whomever while I worked and went to school full time trying to keep us afloat. 

I left to go see my parents in May and by that time, I had decided that when I were to come back, I would break it off with my now-then fiance (she forcefully made me propose after finding out I would be gaining inheritance from my grandfather who passed away). I came back and met this wonderful person who realized the amount of abuse and neglect that was going on, and also the state of the apartment (she was home all day and yet there was black mold in the sink from months of unwashed dishes, our animals defecated everywhere and she would not clean it up, etc even though she was home all day not working/going to school). This person decided to pack me up and within two weeks, I had moved and also taken the dogs as she was abusive towards them and me. 

Fast forward a month, she was trying to get coparenting rights for the puppies. I was reluctant but gave her a chance to prove she could be responsible. This is a long story, but she ended up lying and ruining my trust so I went into her apartment (not against her will) and retrieved my puppies. There was a physical altercation from both sides but nothing serious, and both were equally at fault. I apologized after the incident for my behavior and only received extreme backlash. 

She called the police that night to report domestic violence. 


**Here is where the harassing behavior starts**


For months onwards, she slandered me going around my city and friends saying that I stole from her, broke and entered, beat her until she was black and blue, and that I was an abusive and manipulative ex. I am not saying I was the best partner, I have my own issues that were difficult to deal with while taking care of someone 24/7, but I definitely was NC with her after September and didn't contact her as she made it EXTREMELY CLEAR that she did not want me to have any sort of contact. However, she has contacted my friend first to relay messages to me during this time.

She says that I took her dogs away even though I paid for half, and her mother paid for the other half. She never paid for food or grooming, they lived in their own filth and were abused. Since I've taken them, I've gotten them spayed, chipped, registered, given their shots and they are socializing with other dogs. 

In October, She came into my work, yelling about having a huge domestic abuse case she had against me as well as was in the process of a restraining order. She stayed there for over an hour in front of other customers and my management, to the point where I had to write a letter to management explaining the situation. I later found out I almost got fired due to this as if it turned out to be true, it would have been a conflict of interest.
She has shown up at my other work many times and stayed there for hours, not creating any drama but hanging around and making me uncomfortable. She was blacklisted from this store months ago so there is no reason for her to be there, but she insists on going in with her friends about once every two weeks. 

My friend contacted her twice a few hours after she showed up to my work, asking politely but firmly to stop contacting us and slandering, but my ex only harassed and verbally assaulted my friend. My friend asked for the police case record as well as the number of the constable, and was told that "every email you have sent me is added to the physical case that you are in as well, and if I choose to charge you both, I will". The issue is that during the physical altercation, my friend was there and tried to diffuse the situation and was the only person to actually suffer physical damage caused by her. During this point, my friend and I both though we were being charged with a domestic assault suit as well as a restraining order. 

She kept going around talking about me and saying how awful I was to everyone who would listen for months. Then, on her social media, she posted a picture of "Art" with the words "LIAR" drawn across it with cut up old love letters I wrote to her, having most of my close friends on social media to see.

She has been trying to get a doctor to sign off on one of the dogs being her emotional support dog so that she can come claim her. 

We were fed up with it so we called the police precinct. It turns out that my ex did call the cops that night, but the case was dismissed less than 24 hours later as it was deemed not criminal. There was never a restraining order. She has been lying, harassing and slandering us for the past four months and making us fear for our safety and it turns out that she had no legal hold over us at all.

The harassment got to a point where we could no longer take it, so we wrote her an email detailing everything that has been happening in the past six months and giving her 4 days to answer us in regards to setting up a payment plan for all of the money she owes (which I have proof that she has said she plans to pay it back) on top of an explanation. We also said that if this kept going, we would get parental authorities (I am extremely close to her family since she would make me go to her family reunions alone). She did not answer and instead decided to write even more on social media about us. We forwarded the email to her mother about a week and a half ago, and they are not taking us seriously. They said they are getting us help but that "The person I know would be incapable of doing this" in regards to going to court/asking for an explanation.

We have gone to get legal counsel and they say we can definitely sue in civil court for the money she owes, and we are building a case for defamation/emotional distress on top of that. If anyone has any legal background knowledge or experienced a similar situation (especially when it comes to lying about police matters), I would love some insight.


However, I am here to ask from you, how should I go about this emotionally? I am really trying to make her come to terms with what she has done as she still sees me as the abusive, manipulative ex even though I have been NC for five months and the only time I have contacted her was to either apologize or tell her to stop behaving this way in June/July. She is blaming her PTSD on me even though she also says shes had it for years,and I can't think of anything I have done in the past six months that could have been traumatic to the point of causing a mental illness. I want her to get the help she needs but I do not want to be her friend or be in contact with her. I want to set up a payment plan with her where I dont HAVE to go to court (even if I have to wait for it or it is minimal amounts per month) and just to know why she lied about POLICE affairs. I don't care for explanations as to her irrational behavior of making me the villain. How would you approach this? (edited for clarity)


Thank you so much
