I hate it, I get excited every year and I get let down every year, no matter how much I plan or what I try to do. It's never perfect and I always get upset and feel more alone than I ever have, it's every fucking year. I could choose to be alone but that sucks, I can choose to be with friends but somehow that manages to upset me too because nothing is ever enough. I hate that I'm meant to be happy on my birthday and I never am because I'm never happy.

It's coming up at the end of the month and I just want to run away, leave my phone and not tell anyone where I'm going. Sit on a beach somewhere, sleep in a hostel for a few days. But even if I left it would still be my fucking birthday.