I'm a young fellow borderline with no current therapist, and I can't get any help as of this period of time. I'm on my knees for any self help tips I can get. 

So the situation is that my SO and I are both very mentally unstable, and it's difficult being in a relationship when you both have to go to great lengths for each other, when you might not be able to. 

And my biggest problem lately is my victim complex, I always make every problem about me... and it hurts him a lot, because I get defensive when he mentions it (though I've been getting a lot better at recognising it) and then I split on him. And it devastates me, because all I want is to be able to accept my flaws and work on them.. 

An example could be, lets say, he told me he was self harming as we spoke over the phone (we are in a semi-ldr), and I got frustrated/sad and told him how I felt about it.. even though it was his impulses, which he can't always control. And I know that, but I have difficulties recognising it when it happens. 

How do I stop making myself the victim when he feels bad? I need to make room for his feelings, but I have no idea where to start.. well, at least I'm pretty much self aware now. 