first of all I'm sorry you have to deal with your past, or with the people you have given yourself to and the ones who have carelessly left you to down. I'm sorry about your pain... what keeps you awake at nights. I can't help but to think why is it that these types of things happen to good people. But i feel you the feeling of being unloved, forgotten and alone. But well you're not, it is just the wrong people will always make you feel that way. But the right ones will hold your hand. Your past shouldnt ruin your future. It is just give you lessions. And do you know how special you are? There is no one like you. And don't forget this is just the beginning, you are about to do amazing things, yk the best is yet come! i know it's hard to believe.

We have to learn that not everyone you meet will stay in your life forever, and this is okay because not everyone is meant for you, they all teach you something. But it is important to learn and to see the necessity to let them go, even if you don't want to. And it will hurt. The kind of hurt that follows you everywhere, the hurt that leaves you thinking if you ever meant anything for them. You can't except them to love you back the same way you love them. And this is the same with love Sadly this is the truth. This applies to both friendships and relationships, as we hate to admit it. I want you to be happy. Ik you're much stronget now, stronger than before.This is life and it is what it is. Shit is gonna happen dears. It's gonna get complicated. We're gonna get relapse, were gonna be weak, were gonne be strong. were gonna break down and beg some people to stay in our lives. but we cant give up, we have to keep going, even when it is scary. We have to keep picking ourselves back up because every bad things will pass, and we will make it through. we've made it this far, we can make it through whatever comes next!

I saw a lot of post here about suicide things....
my heart breaks while I was reading it. Yall know it doesn’t take away your pain just give it to someone else. I truly hope you'll find the good things in life, I truly hope you find someone that loves you when you wake up in the morning , I hope they tell you how wonderful you are, I hope you find someone that really deserver you  as much as you deserve them. i wish you all the best, i love you and please dont give up. Happines is coming, i'm sure❤