I have known that I am gay ever since I was a child. I never really knew what the social costs were of being a gay man in a hyper-religious country until my mom started talking about her friend’s child who is rumored to be gay.

She would say all the horrible stuff about his life. Saying that he is abnormal, dirty, and sinful. 

I realize that one day, someone will say those stuff about me. 

This has made me anxious for years. I know my parents love me and all but to them public image is something v important. This looming threat of disownment gets very real sometimes, especially when they question me and I have to lie.

I keep a distance from everyone out of fear of them being suspicious of me. I am the most detached person in my friend group. I am prudent of the way I talk, my tone, what I say, how I walk, how I sit, everything.

Idk what to do honestly. Depression just feels like a second skin to me. No matter how much happy activities I put on, at the end of the day, it is always there. I am tired.