Im a terribly pessimistic person. I have self-hatred and I’ve been trying to end that cycle but it just seems impossible. I’ve been seeing a therapist 2x a week for months and feel the same, and I’m moving tomorrow to the city my ex lives in. But there seriously seems like there’s no point trying anymore. I’ve been putting in the work and even invested in ketamine therapy for treatment resistant depression. I guess my expectations for treatment and therapy were too high. I’m lonely all the time even when I’ve been consciously texting my friends more, reaching out and being friendly as possible. It still seems like they don’t want to hang out and that I have to start over and make new ones. Getting up every day is exhausting but I’m starting a new job (bookkeeping, I’m not that excited) and I have to learn a whole new schedule, which seems overwhelming. I’m so tired of trying to make things better and feeling this way. And every day I see posts on here that I relate to and I realize my bpd isn’t getting any better. I nearly killed myself with my breakup earlier this year, and now I’m moving back to my college town in hopes that me getting help through therapy makes him want to try again. I know it’s fucked, but this is what I can do to keep myself alive. Is there any point still trying?