Alright here we go

&amp;#x200B;

So I'm 15, hi.  I've basically been fucked since 2016.  I started feeling more numb and distant, I didn't think I had depression or anything but was just confused.  Then when the suicidal thoughts and voices kicked in, I grew concerned.  So for once I was smart and asked my parents to take me to counseling, that didn't end well obviously.  

So I dealt with it, more issues surfacing.  I started getting worse grades, I started to feel like I didn't exist, I stopped caring about others, the voices got worse, ya know the fun stuff.  I was just in general unmotivated and only wanted to sleep since everything is just boring.  I finally tried to kill myself and well that didn't work since I'm here.  Even after all that they wouldn't listen and just victim blamed me basically?

I won't go in depth anymore but that's a little about me.  The first attempt was 3 years ago I think?  Well to summarize after that, I tried to kill myself two more times and everything just plummeted really.  I want to seek help but can't because my parents won't take me seriously.  I've called the suicide hotline which was basically a joke so that's not really an option.  All I know is I keep getting worse, I cut myself without thinking for no reason (legit I wasn't frustrated or wanting to self harm) and it didn't even phase me til it started to sting and bleed.  Do I keep buggin them about counseling?  Is there anyway I could go to counseling without their input?  I just need some help here man.