Hello guys, girls and everyone else… I really hope this is the right place to post this and I much more hope, that someone can at least relate.. 

Im m21 an I always felt kinda empty… didn’t know what to do with me an where to go… 

Did everything schoolwise I could do, which went fairly well, got some good friends, and even got work afterwards… 
So from an outside point of view… nothing to bad…. 

Since puberty I always felt kind of empty… I always thought it was because I always was alone.. since it wasn’t easy for me to find a girlfriend… I always kinda fell in love with someone, before something serious happened… 

But since about two-three months there is this one girl I am totally crazy about… we’ve done everything physical two young adoults would do… we’re not officially in a relationship, since she wants so give it some time before we would make it official. 
And I think I am on with this, since we talked about this several times and we both want to go in a serious direction, sooner or later. 

So far so good. 

Now my problem… 
I have always been kinda „depressed“ ( I usually don’t like to use this term, because I think I would play down the situation of those who really have depression)… and I thought this would change when I find someone, that makes me happy and that I could, sooner or later, build a relationship with. 

But somehow, even tough I am happy every moment I am with her, I still feel this urge to always cry, always be sad and don’t care about my life… my rational side always is in the background and is probably the only reason I am still not doing something stupid. 
But still my emotional side mostly takes over me and I am only able to live my life on autopilot because every thought of mine is overwhelmed with this big black could of… sadness or nothingness.. I don’t even know exactly how to describe it. 

I really hope this post is in the right place here and that at least someone here can relate or even better help me.