Hello. 

So a little background about me. I was very depressed in highschool and that continued til college. I felt alone, empty, confused on who I am. I couldn't control my emotions and felt like the whole world was against me. I tended to villianize pretty much everyone. With that being said I have been diagnosed with BPD (8 months) by my psychiatrist. To say the least I was shocked but it did explain a lot. I was put on medication and started treatment immediately. I had one therapist who ended up making me feel worse so I stopped seeing her. When I wanted to schedule an appointment with a different therapist, the pandemic closed everything off. A lot of therapist weren't seeing anyone for a couple months. I'm still waiting on call backs. In the meantime here's an issue on hand:

 I (F21) have been in a year long relationship with my boyfriend (M23). He is my very first relationship and he's my favorite person. He is the most understanding and patient person in the world. He has been through hell and back with me when something triggers me. I know he loves and cares for me a lot and thats why I get so sad everytime I realize that I have hurt him. He has a very social and friendly personality. I'm the opposite. Pretty quiet and introvert. We also work together, that's where we met. I have a black and white thinking. So that causes a lot or problems.

 I have been getting super jealous when he gets near females. We do work together. So when I see him laughing and having a good time with them one on one. Or when goes out of his way to be friendly to them, like eat lunch with them at work, or visit them at the desk when there6s no need. We would usually take our breaks together for lunch but when I'm not there he replaces me with another female coworker. Ugh ik I'm overreacting and overthinking but I really cant help it. He always reassures me that it doesnt mean anything and they are his friends. But my emotions are so out of my control that I lash out of him.  Sometimes I think he becomes over friendly with them, bc I don't see any males at work acting the way he does. 

What can I do to change that way of thinking? Do I have any validation to how I feel? Is there anything I can do, or he can do? I know this is all on me. This is just one problem out of the many I have. I heard that DBT does wonders for people with bpd. However, it's difficult to currently get into therapy. I guess I'm just looking for advice on anything! I'm going crazy with my emotions and I can't deal with them all at once. Any advice helps please!!