I’ve had depression for years, but I had a horrific mental breakdown last year. It got better. And now, I feel myself in that hole again — but this time I think it’s worse. 

Last April, I checked myself into a partial hospitalization program, where I would commute to a mental hospital each day for two months and receive treatment from 9am-5pm.  

I checked myself into this program because I couldn’t even get out of bed to go to work or school. I lost my scholarship to college and my job, and I thought this was my rock-bottom. 

I got so much better after this. I re-enrolled in college and secured a great job. I stayed “better” up until a month ago. 

I’m flunking assignments. I’m skipping work. I am a burden to everyone around me, so I have cut off my entire family. 

I live with the most wonderful, precious, one-of-a-kind partner, and I feel like he is going to leave me. We’ve been together for three years. 

I’ve just been waking up sobbing, I have meltdowns multiple times a week, and I’m negative all the time. I feel like a partner can justify their mentally ill partner having one mental breakdown, but not two. He has depression as well, and I feel like my existence only makes him feel worse. 

I want to get better, but I am paralyzed. I feel like I am close to my true breaking point and I am so scared of my thoughts. 

Help.