It's been a long time since I (28) felt that way. My partner (31) is supposed to come over at mine after work and he doesn't show up not respond to messages and phone calls for two hours. Over a certain time I manage to have them on the phone and they say sorry I've got carried away with stuff but I'm arriving, and justifying themselves with the quantity of things to deal with and that they had to speak with people etc. Which I understand, but was that that complicated to send a single message to day they were going to be late?!

I first worried something happened and then started to trigger myself like they're having fun without me because for now I'm depressed, aimless and boring, and that they forgot me. I sobbed for one hour alone in my apartment and had a fucking shit night. It's true that it is overreacting and it is also due to the fact I've been neglected and forgot by my parents in places during hours and hours and in a few occasions during an entire day. When something of that sort happens I tend to fall in despair and take a long time to come back to my baseline. I still didn't.

To add to the problematic, they've got BPD too and in a form that is quite critical, so I always feel wary of triggering something bigger over something that isn't crucial.

Nevertheless I'm hurt they couldn't just bring themselves to think to let me know what's going on instead and just tell me they'll think of if next time instead of finding every reason to self justify. But now they're making it about them and that I shouldn't be that upset and that I pick at them for every single thing that happens and hold grudges and never let go.

When I told them I always make sure to be predictable because they also struggle badly with abandonment, they had the nerve to say there was one occurrence when I didn't while I did, and they didn't mention they spiralled so badly that night not because I wasn't responding but because I wasn't responding the way they wanted. I found that justification super unfair, besides the point and vaguely insulting. Also generally they were dismissive of how I was feeling and telling me it was ridiculous to overreact like this. Thank you. I know it's an overreaction. But it's not ridiculous.

I felt so hurt at that point that I just dropped the discussion and tried to cheer myself up and still enjoy our evening as they were coming over after all. They sweetly made dinner and everything, which they've been doing since 10 days, and I know they care and want to be supportive but I couldn't get that point out of my mind and went blank. I'm just so depressed. I feel like a burden. I hate this. I'd like to be entertaining and full of discussions like I used to be, but I'm feeling like I'm the shadow of myself and this kind of feeling tends to intensify when I'm doing badly which contributes to me feeling even worse. My biggest fear is to be a boring and clingy person and I'm fully meeting these criteria now. The best I can do is to half smile and make tea.

At least I didn't create an argument. But I don't know how to speak anymore. I feel quite hurt in general, my feelings and thoughts are disorganised and every time I try to address something on the go it comes off as an attack and it only triggers defensiveness. They don't want to dive in the details of how I feel because they're themselves quite fragilised which I understand but it bothers me. There are a few things in the relationship that I'd like to speak about and I don't see how because it pains me so much and I get emotional and it's hard to have it out in a constructive way.

I know there are loads of venting here, but any advice on how to enable a more effective communication? I'm so tired now and feeling guilty cause I spend my days sitting around and falling in despair. I'm quite surprised all these feelings have been triggered, I haven't felt like this since many, many years.