29 F. BP II, diagnosed at 19. This is probably a depression phase. I've always had a shitty life. 


I've been following this person on Facebook who is in her 50s, was a daughter of a record label owner and has tons of friends. She's super active and fit for her age, so I started working out too. I'm not nearly as fit as she is but I won't stop until I get there. She also has a bunch of friends, goes to a bunch of social events so I started doing the exact same thing. I've moved a lot, I've kept a few friends but I'd love to be the type of person that has 10+ friends, gets invited everywhere and what not. I figured if I copied this person's style/flavor, I'd get there too. I'm literally obsessed to the point where I check her stories every day because they're always filled with so much excitement. I'd dream of having that much excitement! It has always been hard for me to find and.keep friends due to being insanely ugly and socially awkward. I've tried pushing myself into new situations but things aren't happening quick enough. I can't seem to make the authentic relationships I've always wanted these days. Maybe these things take time, but I'm getting impatient. I think everyone already has their clique and I just do not belong.

**Is it coming or not? If it's not, that's fine, I'll just give up but I need to know for sure.**