I was diagnosed with BPD and major depressive disorder about 2.5 years ago after struggling with mental health issues for 15 years. I started individual therapy and DBT immediately. I am not on any meds. After about 8 months of DBT, I stopped going because I was doing pretty well with the skills I had learned, and the sessions had become bitching sessions for everyone else in the group and I was no longer learning anything. The DBT method helped me learn coping skills and I still use them every day. I highly recommend it.

Over the last few weeks or months, I have gone downhill. I am depressed, and I feel that familiar feeling like I'm being consumed by every ounce of negativity I've ever touched. I have been self medicating with alcohol and marijuana. The marijuana actually helps me, but I know the alcohol is intensifying my depression. It's great while I'm drunk. Not so much the next day. 
I feel so fucking lonely. I live with my SO who works 50-60 hours a week and is now taking on a new endeavor in addition to that. He's very ambitious and wishes I was. I'm not. I'm actually pissed off that he is doing this second thing because we already don't spend much time together, and we don't need money. I can not handle the stress of being an ambitious person. I get overwhelmed and my world could come crumbling down and I can't do that again. I don't think my SO accepts that BPD is a lifelong struggle. I think he expects me to "be better" because I went to therapy. I don't think he even believes that mental illness is "real." We are growing apart. I don't feel like I can talk to him about my feelings. He says things like "you shouldn't feel that way" and I shut down because how the fuck are you gonna tell somebody how they should or shouldn't feel? 
I'm not really asking for help or advice.  I just need support because I don't really have any from anyone who can understand or empathize with me. 
