Tl:Dr my mother is very clearly mentally ill but won't get help. How do I change that? What can I do?

My mother I recently found out has a high chance of having borderline personality disorder and very clearly has paranoid personality disorder, she's been diagnosed with the first stages of dementia and she is a hoarder.

If I text her instead of call her (I'm married, 24, living with my husband an hour away) that I'm busy when she wants me to call her she immediately thinks someone is using my phone and I'm kidnapped or something and will drive an hour to my house freaking out.

If I don't respond to her within (literally) 30 seconds of her texting me she calls me asking me what's wrong and if my husband or someone is abusing me and making me say things.

She feels the need to remind me, and all her adult children, simple things that most adult (some of whom are in their 30's and 40's) knows like "did you lock your house?" Or "did you feed YOUR dogs?" Every. Single. Day. She texts me daily to ask me to update her on what I'm doing and that it's dangerous for me to be outside (she doesn't like me driving home at night because she thinks I could get pushed off the road and murdered or raped) and most nights I hear "are you in the house? Are your windows and doors closed and locked? Is your alarm system on? I hear the dogs barking something is wrong I'll stay on the phone until morning"

She seems to think nothing her children do is wrong but everything everyone else does is.

For example:

My mother has been saying my husband should get a second job so I don't have to work while Pregnant.
Well my husband just got a second job. Now she says "oh so he's just trying to get out of helping wotj the baby. When will you sleep?"

Or when I was feeling too sick to go to the beach one day, so I stayed home. But when my husband said he was feeling too sick to go on my birthday my moms response was "oh he just wants to stay home so you're stuck with the baby and he doesn't have to so anything".

Every time my husband and I have a disagreement, if my mother hears me complain to my sister my mother will immediately say "we need to get you out of there before his parents try to take the baby and lock you out of the house" even over something stupid like "He wanted grilled chicken for dinner but I wanted Chinese"

She doesn't know how to not say anything. She'll have days where she sends random long (5 paragraphs) texts to random people like my husband or my cousin about how horrible they are and she can't sit by and ignore it. But by apologizing 5 minutes after realizing she was overreacting she sends us like $50 and leaves it at that.

She's very petty and biased and racist (but doesn't think she's racist)

She has crazy mood swings where she will suddenly start screaming and crying and throwing everything in her house away (they go through dishes as if they're disposable dishes), she goes from hobby to hobby and will spend hundreds on it, it'll last a month and then she goes to the next thing. She 

She makes things up in her head that we say but never actually said. Like for example:

My older brother (he's 26 I think) raped me and beat me from the age of 11-18. My mother first got offended that I never told her (he's the favorite and I didn't think she would believe me about the favorite), then would get upset when I would tell her I didn't feel comfortable living in the same house as him (she said we can't call the police on him because he feels bad about it and I shouldn't make her choose between her two kids) then she told that I texted her saying he was a disgusting human being and I hoped he died and all kinds of stuff like that, and that it broke her heart to see that stuff about her own son. I never once texted her that. Ever.

Among many many other issues.

If anyone brings up anything she does that hurt their feelings or something she would get offended so bringing up her needing mental help would send her off the rails. I've mentioned a few times about my own personality disorder in hopes she would connect some dots but she didn't. I don't know what to do anymore as I don't have the energy to answer the phone every hour and calm her down.