My anxiety is routed pretty heavily in that I really struggle with change. I get anxious and worried that the small stability in my life that I rely on will crumble with even the slightest change e.g for dnd I didnt want anyonelse to join  even though I love the person in case it 'changed' things. I cant handle changes to schedules, or even when someone changes their appareance drastically it throws me because I dissociate.

My best friend came out as trans yesterday to me. I LOVE her, I call her daily and we both rely on each other a lot. I've always seen her and known her as a guy and I really never would have guessed this. I want and NEED to support her, make sure she knows she is still the same and I love her, and I do. If this is who she is, this is who she is simple as and I've always been supportive of trans. Which is why its killing me that I can feel my anxiety bubble up over what changes will be coming. She will look different, I need to make sure I register in my head that she is a female, call her by a new name etc. My head is swirling wondering what will change now, will how she interacts with me change now that she is going to be expressing who she is more? How much of what we did before was her 'acting' as a man, whats gonna change? Will she show interest in makeup and everything and is that gonna be our activities together now. 

Its so stupid and selfish but I cant stop the anxiety bubbling just worrying if im going to lose anything we once had. Now I have anxiety that she might notice im anxious and feel bad about being trans which absolutely cannot happen. She needs me, I want to be her rock and help her be confident in becoming who she is. 

Why is my brain wired like this, I just want to support my friend when she needs me most and I dont know how to quiet this pointless anxiety about change. I also have no clue how to help someone who is struggling with their gender identity. 

I've said she could come visit here post covid where she could be free to introduce herself as a woman without having to explain (as no one would know her previously and I live in a very inclusive area). 

I hate that I have this anxiety about change, she's still the same person really im just worried im going to dissociate again because that's just what my brain does with the unfamiliar. 

Im sorry im a bad person, I dont want to be how can I fix me?