I'm not currently diagnosed with BPD but I meet many of the criteria. I'm currently nearing the end of my first year of university. At the start of this I got into a relationship with B, and I spent a lot of time with him at the expense of creating other friendships. It was never a particularly great relationship, and I decided in February to end it. I tried to remain friends with B, and still mostly have but we have had to have periods of time apart and often I have tried to enjoy spending time with him but been unable to do this because of internal anger at him. This was pretty difficult for me owing to the lack of other friendships, but I quickly bonded with M, and we have spoken in text or in person almost every day since then. I've also pursued other friendships to a lesser degree.

 Over this period, B &amp; M have also become friends with each other, and the two have also had casual sex although this is very much not a relationship. I also had a period of having sex with B again, although I think that was probably pretty destructive and out of a desire to be loved than an actual wish to have sex. I've also done things with M, both with and without B, although not sex for unrelated reasons. I'm currently taking some time apart from B because I greatly struggle to enjoy spending time with him, although this is often hard to avoid because we have a lot of mutual friends. The feeling ebbs and flows, but ever since I broke up, knowing that B &amp; M are spending time together brings a pretty strong feeling of anxiety in me. This is very uncomfortable and I'd appreciate any advice in overcoming this feeling, which makes me feel physically sick, sometimes unable to eat and sometimes inducing full panic attacks.