I can't help but feel as though I'm an object, every guy I got close to seems to think so so why shouldn't I? From being groomed to be used as masturbation material while I was on call to flirting with as a pass time. I don't know maybe in stupid for repeatedly falling for their tricks and games but I can't help but in a fucked up way want it because I'd rather be wanted and used than hated and abandoned. 

I'm only 14 but I've been used for masturbation material since age 12, the only person I've ever told this to told me I should feel lucky that I'm wanted by guys and that it's harmless as a hug but it hurts so badly to be objectified so much I just want real love without strings attached