I never realized how bad my anxiety was until these past couple years. It feels like it is only getting worse as time goes by. I do my best to try and distract my mind when crazy thoughts come to mind, but eventually they come back. My mind feels like it is on a loop of constant negativity. IRL I portray this happy, friendly person who cares about everyone. I want to be a good person, but I feel like I can't be when I am such a mess. I do care about the people I encounter in life, such as my co-workers, but I feel so drained all the time. My brain never shuts off. There is always so much that I need to do, want to do, have to do, don't want to do. It's overwhelming. Having adhd makes things 10x harder! it exacerbates the problems that I have. I want to improve myself. I want to get my mind together, but when I try to sit down and come up with a plan, everything goes out the window and nothing comes to mind. Where do I start? How do I know what to write? Why can't I be a normal person and know these basic answers? Depression, anxiety, adhd, memory loss due to brain damage, it all sucks so much together. 

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I thought getting high would help, but that was the worst idea ever. It feels like every second lasts a minute. my heart is racing, panic starts to set in. I can't trust anything or anyone. I literally feel like I am going to have a heart attack. My mind is going a million miles an hour and all in the wrong direction. I just want to relax!