I have struggled with depression my entire life (I’m 34F), never suicidal but I will withdraw and lose all motivation. I often start new projects and fail to complete them, hyper clean my house once a week but get overwhelmed with simple tasks like putting the dish I just used into the dishwasher on all the other days, become short fused. Etc etc.

Since having kids this has become a lot more difficult to manage and has put quite a strain on my marriage. The worst part is that I struggle with the idea of “getting better” I don’t want to get better. I want to stay in my dark pit, but with two kids (5 and 2) I can’t do that. And I find myself desiring the freedom to sulk in my darkness over the freedom of losing the darkness.

Does that make sense? Does anyone else find more comfort in their depression than not? How did you get out of it? Or find relief?