10+ years of bulimia. Abusive relationships. Anorexia. Alcoholic, totes. Over achiever. Relationships that are just too much.

Oh, and I had an abortion last week. Alone, at home, and got drunk on Friday and told a friend of his.

It was just -- I'm not happy about it. I never wanted to do that, togo through that.

Yesterday I drove 45 minutes to kick over my SO's houseplant. I called him so many times. He told me everything that is so hard to hear - I'm embarrassing, I am unlovable. He won't answer the phone.

Worthless, I feel worthless. 

Drugs, drinking, pain, self-harm, no one getting how you feel.

At least I didn't kill myself yest/Friday. 

I really was gonna. 