I haven't fit in anywhere in my entire life. I was homeschooled until I was 15 then got a GED and associates at community college. I was book smart but this was not to say I had anything resembling social skills at that time. I tried going to college from 18-25 fucked around but didn't fit in there either, wasn't mature/ready enough or didn't value it enough. I made no lasting friends. Everything else was just bouncing around from shit job to shit job, smoking weed and jerking off. I've never had a girlfriend or a sex life and have always been bullied or made fun of for my appearance or how I acted and now I have problems with anger so severe I find it's easier just to avoid people but you can't do this while working. Boomers tell me to not be afraid to waste 8 yrs of my life building rapport in my job or whatever the fuck and I just think to myself in 8 yrs it won't fucking matter anymore. That's just the point I've missed out on life and people stuff and now I'm just rotting and aging like a fossil and losing my youth and the dreams I had because time makes decisions if you don't. I'm stuck in my parents house with $200 to my name, after so many years of emotionally absent fatherhood as he's a pothead too and trauma on my end we don't have the greatest relationship. I'm pretty sure I have mental health problems as well. Sometimes things just hurt so bad I want to kill myself to make it end because I'm exhausted, I wanna have sex, I wanna be happy, I wanna have some hope of a life that doesn't suck ass, and now my parents are 65 and I need to finally fly the fuck out of here and I don't even know they will live to see me have kids like my sister did, the golden child that she is. 

Life is so fucking hard