I’m 25 and I’ve been depressed for probably the last 6 years. I’ve dug myself such a big hole and I just don’t think I can get back out.

Currently stuck in a shitty job where I’ve basically been assigned a leader of a team despite not knowing what I’m doing and getting paid less than the people I’m training. I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I’m so awkward sexually it hurts. I’m currently the fringe guy in a couple of friend groups and I’ve withdrawn for the most part from all of them so now nobody hits me up. I have a weird relationship with my family where the only person I truly care about is my mom. 

I’ve been making strides to be better but the feeling always comes back. I’ve been in therapy for the last month and a half or so and have been running and meditating almost everyday. In therapy today I realized how fucked up my brain is and how long it will take to correct it.

I just don’t know how much I have left in me.  To fix everything that’s wrong will take so much time but I can’t handle the lows I’ve been hitting recently. The only feelings I have are numbness, sadness, or anger. Lately it feels worse than numb. I feel both empty and heavy. Hurts knowing that I’m months away from being just normal and by that I mean not feeling suicidal multiple times per week. Just fucking sucks and I’m so fucking tired of it.