My mom died when I was seven, and my dad has been imperfect. I'm trying to be objective in his failures and recognize how difficult it is to lose your wife and find yourself as a single father to three children, but I still find it hard to forgive his mistakes. I spoke to him recently about how I wish he gave me more guidance as a kid and spent more time with me, as he often was either at work (waiter) or doing whatever else he was doing. He remarried when I was twelve and it was a tumultuous relationship. They would often fight, with his now-ex-wife frequently packing her bags and threatening to leave him. I left home when I was sixteen after a fight we had when she told my dad he had to chose between her and I. After three years of living with a friend and his family, I moved back in with them, only to be kicked out a few months later. This was particularly hurtful as I told my dad I had nowhere to go, and he said he didn't care. I lived for months at a homeless shelter while working full-time at a Wendy's to save up for a room to rent.

I'm now thirty years old and honestly not doing well. I'm unemployed and my physical and mental health is poor. I don't take care of myself as I should and I don't know why. I think I hate myself and I fear failure. I fear forming relationships with people because it flattens me when they inevitably fail. I have tried to salvage some kind of relationship with my dad as I would hope that there could be something of value there. I am conflicted about how much I should forgive and I find myself ignoring his attempts to reach out.