Hi guys!

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   So, pretty much my entire life I was pretty fucked up, most of the time I was depressed, I dropped out of uni then started again, never worked a day in my life, ever since I moved away from my mom at 18, I've been a failure. Last August a girl I knew from my hometown highschool reconnected with me ( she used to be the gf of one of my former best friends, I was friends with the girl too but they had a bad breakup so we haven't talked since ). We went out to a bar, and it was instant love from the both of us. We immediately jumped into a relationship and it was really intense, the we both said " I love you " like 50 times on the first day kind of intense. We really seemed like a 100% match on every level, I thought  we are soulmates. And for the first time in my life... I felt happy and okay. I could function as a normal person. 

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Here are some boring relationship details, you can skip this if you want, it's just a bit more context:

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&gt;!But then it turned out that she is really bad at communicating, and I'm really bad at getting hints. Basically she was upset that I smoke too much weed and "my life is not going anywhere", she gave me signs but I just kind-of ignored them, or didn't notice them, I honestly don't even remember. She broke up with me, and a couple days later I promised her that I will never smoke anymore and we got back together, I kept up my part of the promise but she still broke up with me a couple weeks  later because she "couldn't trust me". It was all really weird, I know that she has some mental illness too ( probably bipolar ), and she just turned so cold and ruthless. The breakup was pretty ugly since I got really upset and said some harsh things to her, so she blocked me. Then she unblocked me, told me that we could have a chat about what happened, then she changed her mind and blocked me again, now I'm unblocked but we are still not friends on facebook..!&lt;

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So, the breakup was in January. I got diagnosed with BPD 2 weeks ago, I'm on Lamictal and clonazepam ( the clonazepam helped a lot but I binged on it so much that I ran out so now I'm suffering until next Thursday lol ). I'm not over it ever since, I'm so deppressed that I'm completely unable to do my daily tasks, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I cry for hours every day, and it's not getting better. Everytime I wake up, I just start thinking about her and my day is ruined. I mean, I haven't seen her since January and the relationship didn't even last 5 months. What the hell can I do to feel better? I'm always fantasizing about getting back together, trying to create strategies about how I could win her back... How do I stop this bullshit? It honestly feels impossible unless I find someone else, which is unlikely because of my non-existent personality and crippling social anxiety ( at least I look pretty good and dress well, but even if a girl is obviously interested in me, I can't close for shit ).

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Thanks for any tips in advance!