I thought this was the one. The one that would transition into a real career and sense of purpose. It has so much going for it: super supportive management, great pay and benefits, and a chance to advance from simple cook to a full-on chef (I love to cook; it's one of my stabilizing hobbies). 

So why am I leaving? Two words: no idea.

This is just what I do with a job. I allow the things that stress me out completely negate the things I love until I am so panicked that I lose sleep. As of last Thursday, I've moved into what I call the "spiral of lies" phase, which is where I start calling out for "catastrophic" reasons which are almost always mostly fabricated. Soon hereafter, I, being too much of a coward to face scrutiny, will simply stop showing up and accepting calls.

It happens every time, and I don't know why. I will be doing really well for a time before the negativity creeps its way into the forefront of my mind until it's so overwhelming that I can't even function at work. So I just thumb my nose at it all, take the loss, and head back to square one.

This one just hurts worse than most, because I was genuinely thrilled for the opportunity. 

The fuck is wrong with me?