it’s so nice seeing her. it’s so nice she’s doing well and she wishes me well. she inspires me a lot. i feel really good yet under accomplished seeing her. She’s traveled the world, i really just want to be able to do those same things. i’m unemployed, BPD makes working hard. i had an interview a few weeks ago for a good job that’d bring my salary way up, close to what she makes! 

i need to stop acting like i can’t do things and i need to stop acting like there’s a romantic future. i need to get to know her if i want that. and further than that; i’m capable of anything i wanna do. i forget that she always inspires me to do that. So nice seeing her. 

i’m tired. none of my friends are responding. Backstory is i met my FP in 2012 in the state we grew up. her family (south east indian) found out we were dating and she went to India because of it, then her family moved. i decided to finish college out in the city where she did. we both lived separate live in wanted to include her in mine but she comes from a family of money, i don’t, but my moms be helping me out (dad not around). I dunno. i loved her. Missed her. I want to love her again. i’m not sure though. in a weird place emotionally and my therapist is gonna be gone this next week lolol