I feel like a zombie. I am too numb to kill myself it would be too much effort. Sometimes when I'm too drunk I start to overshare with my "loved ones" and it always ends with me just sitting there listening to stuff I don't want to listen to. And I imagine all the ways I could die. But I never follow through because all my energy is always spent on pretending. Is that a thing that is common? Į don't mean that I stay alive because of others but the fact that I'm to tired to kill myself.