TW: suicide

I thought maybe looking up videos of people who survived attempts would have some insight and also show that it gets better and they find a way to survive, but it just made me feel worse. 

All of them said they have the same struggles every day, but they cope with it because of the guilt of seeing their family members and loved ones after their attempts. 

I don't understand why I should keep going just so that my family doesn't feel guilty? Why should I continue to suffer just so that my family can be at peace? Don't I deserve some kind of feeling of peace? 

I'm fighting really hard just to keep myself from hanging myself, but it's getting harder to continue the longer I go.