deep down I'm not feeling better at all. I feel so fucked up. Why do I have to pretend that I'm doing fine all the time.

When I am surrounded with people I feel so lonely.

When I am in a relationship I feel so unloved.

I don't trust anybody with my heart. I'm starting to realize my life already faded in front of me and I lost hold a long time ago. I believe that I never deserved anybody to love or hold. When I try explaining myself, I just feel more misunderstood. I start to feel alienated. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy. Happiness comes so rare in my life that, I feel bad for being happy.

Often I feel guilty for smiling a little too much. At times I feel like I don't deserve to be happy. I think people want to take it away from me. Because they think I have too much. But the truth is I don't have anything at all. I am empty inside and outside. I was just pretending I had it all so I could fit in with you guys...

I feel like everybody is lying to me, nothing is ever as good as it seems. I can't help but feel so lonely and lock myself in my room.

I feel like people just want to use me all the time.

I feel like an object for their entertainment.

I feel sorry for being sad, and then I'm sorry for being sorry.

I'm sorry I have severe depression and borderline personality disorder. It's like I keep jumping off the life bandwagon because I know life was never for me. And every time I jump off I hurt myself but I don't die. These reoccurring nightmares have me wondering whether I am awake or asleep.