"Aw I like you, you're quirky" 
"I like complex...women"

THESE ARE MY SCARS. 
I cut myself because I cannot face my own mind, my own emotions. I am a fucking three years old who constantly needs her mother and cries out for love. I cut myself to make myself feel I'm in my own body. I don't know how it feels like to actually be there, feeling there, enjoying it there. I cut myself, and I have scars on my body. 


THESE ARE MY MEDS.
This one is the happy pill. I can't orgasm because of it, but at least I can get out of my bed.
This one is the stimulating one.
This one is to sleep. I can get higher dosages when I feel really anxious, like when you don't answer my phone, when I feel abandoned, when I have flashbacks, when you misunderstand me, when I feel attacked, when I feel nothing, when I feel too much. 

THESE ARE THE PSYCHIATRISTS I'VE BEEN SEEING IN THE PAST FEW YEARS. Nothing changed.
THESE ARE MY PANIC ATTACKS. Do I look ugly when I hit my head against the wall?
These are my depressive episodes. Am I just being lazy? 
These are my suicidal thoughts. I thought it was normal to have them.
These are my failed relationships. I am the crazy one, am I not? 
These are the abuses I went through. I deserved to be treated like a broken doll, didn't I?
These are the nightmares I get at night. It's boring to sleep continuously for more than two hours.
These are my failed attempts. I can't do it.


This is me having a mental breakdown because your facial expression scared me. I know you find me disgusting. Am I so terrible? What did I say? How can I be better? What can I change about me? What should I do?What is me? Who am I? 

WHO AM I?
WHO AM I?
WHO IS THIS?
WHO. AM. I?


"Yeah pal, I'm ok".