My ex constantly accused me of being emotionally abusive, manipulative, trying to have the upper hand, etc.

I think we were both emotionally immature tbh, I had a hard time communicating my wants/needs and setting firm boundaries, I also assumed the worst of his intentions sometimes.

I was emotionally chaotic with him when I perceived a betrayal. Eg me telling him I'm not in the mood for something sexual, yet him still pushing. Me wanting to go on a date, him accusing me of "rushing things and being negative, how can I court you when you're emotionally chaotic". Etc etc. I tend to be very theoretical and don't always have my feet grounded in reality.

He says I gaslight him and I don't even notice. Another ex of mine also said I get so defensive about things and I don't even notice. Idk if this is emotional immaturity or what.

He says I'm BPD. Then said "maybe not full on BPD, but you do have BPD-like traits". 

&amp;#x200B;

When we first met, he joked around saying his best friend told him he's narcissistic. Then eventually says "not full blown NPD, but we both have narcissistic traits".

I don't know if I was the abusive one or not :/

Either way, I've made a concerted effort into understanding my emotions and those of others better.