Over the past 4 years I’ve slowly started to develop death anxiety and I can’t pinpoint why. In the last 2 years it’s gotten so bad that I’m constantly anxiety ridden and living in fear. I haven’t really told anyone about it which I’m sure isn’t helping but at this point I can feel my cup about to run over. I can’t live in fear like this anymore (I am not feeling suicidal). It’s debilitating. Has anyone experienced this and have some tips that have helped them? I know I should talk to a doctor or therapist, I’ve just had a really really hard time finding a professional I connect with to talk to so I end up giving up trying to find one that works for me. I literally wake up and try to figure out what I’d do if I found out my parents have passed or if something happens to my sister because she lives alone. It’s CONSTANT. I can’t think about what happens if I die myself, I’ll go into a panic (which happens a few times a day even if I try not to think about it). The unknown afterwards and how quickly you can be gone in an instant from so many random things is truly truly debilitating. I’m so surprised I’ve acted so fine and normal for so long, my husband doesn’t even have much of a clue the severity of it. I’ve mentioned that I think I have it and he’s just unsure what to say, I’m just not sure he can comprehend the severity of it. He sees it more in the form of me telling him he’s been sitting for too long and needs to go on a walk because I’m afraid he doesn’t exercise enough something will happen. 

All I know is I’m just so unsure of what to do, I feel so overwhelmed by this and I never would’ve thought something like this would randomly develop. As I get older the years started to feel so short and I became so uneasy. COVID definitely didn’t help, but this did start prior to then, just more severe since COVID. I have been on anxiety medication before but it had 0 effect on me so I basically just stopped it, doctors weren’t helpful in recommending anything else per usual. I do smoke 🍃 which helps immensely BUT causes me to eat and sleep way too much so that really isn’t an all day option. I am 30 and a female (I know sometimes age and gender can be good to know for suggestions). Thanks for any advice you can give. I’m beginning to become so scared that one day I won’t even be able to go to work I can feel it becoming too overwhelming.