ok background info:
I am an 18 year old girl(i guess woman idefk) and I’m about to go to college and be on my own! super mixed feelings mainly because my brains recently has been convinced that no one actually likes me and any friends I have are purely out of simpathy, why? No idea! but anywho, my mental health lately has been awful. I was at a place for a while where I would consider myself functional, but recently my mood swings are the worst they’ve ever been, I’m impulsive and irrational, and I’m anxious and depressed most of the time. I have a few options but I don’t know what would help because I’m a baby borderline and need guidance:

Path 1: therapy

therapy is on the table, the only thing is I’ve tried therapy before and it went horribly. I tried CBT with 2 therapists, the first one didn’t let me talk and kinda just said “you’ll be fine kiddo” and the other one made me feel like shit everytime I went in, she would tell me I’m causing my own issues by not doing what she told me to and all the CBT nonsense of “you’d be totally normal if you just ate healthy, drank water, got excersize, and didn’t do drugs”… like thanks doctor… who woulda thought that if I was healthy I’d be healthy. Anyway I would do another kind but I’m so lost on what kind.

Path 2: wait it out

Pretty much just attempt to fix my own problems with research, stress management, and a little bit of something illegal

And path 3 is always run away, change my name, but 2 acres of land in the middle of no where and become a self sustaining farmer who gets high and sticks to herself…


Open to any and all suggestions: please help