The biggest problem I have with BPD is not being able to distinguish if I am right or wrong in how I respond to things.

Like with my fp, I know months ago was definetely my fault. I was upset how abruptly he cut me off when he moved and I begged and pleaded for awhile to get him to be with me.

We reconciled and hes come to visit twice. But now that im more aware of my disorder, im confused as to where im right and wrong. His actions trigger my bpd massively. He works almost every day from 4 am to late at night sometimes so he is pretty busy. But I can see him online and his snap score goes up so he definetely talks to people, even though he claims he doesn't talk to me because he's "too busy"

I've asked and told him if he doesnt want to talk, just tell me. But then he gets weirdly defensive like im being over the top by saying so. But I mean, of he wanted to talk to me, he would....but he doesnt. Just everyone else.

So now I don't think im the problem. I decided to stop messaging him even though it kills me. Its hard to accept that maybe I was never the issue, he just truly doesn't care about me.