I'm so annoyed with my mania right now. I JUST started new meds last night and my paranoia/delusions have me sitting here thinking they're placebos.

I have an appointment in a week to tell my psychiatrist how I'm adjusting to them and I'm convincing myself that if I tell her something positive about them that suddenly it'll be a big joke on me that nothings really wrong with me and the pills are placebos.

I can't make these thoughts go away. I just have this image in my head of my psychiatrist laughing in my face. Obviously I need to be on these medications since my delusions are getting more intense but right now all I'm thinking about are the pills and how they're probably fake and I'm an idiot who's just lying about being mentally ill.

I really fucking hate this shit