I cannot do this anymore. The knowledge of knowing the end is near is not a gift, it's a nightmare. Life feels so meaningless now. Just when my BPD got better, I now have end stage nerve disease from the stress of BPD. I don't want to die but I look at the way I've treated my body in such dysregulation of my own reality and I can't blame myself for giving out. I hope you guys take care of yourselves and don't end up like me. I would do anything to go to bed and not know I'm dying in the near future.. I miss that feeling so much of a healthy body. Fuck eating disorders. Fuck BPD. Fuck this whole life and trying to please everyone and getting sick in the process.