The only way I can get myself to do anything — take care of myself, socialize, work, sleep — is to take a drug.

But, of course, taking a drug brings its own problems. My solution? Take a different one.

Take this to stop that, take that to stop this. Around and around. Every other day, I tell myself I’ll stop, but the full force of depression kicks in as soon as I do. And I deal with it until it’s unbearable, and then the cycle restarts yet again.

Life can’t get put on pause, so I have to choose between taking some drug to be “normal” or being so fucking depressed that I have no desire to do anything, not even eat or get out of bed.

Will this ever end?