I’m a young male around 30 years old. I’ve been suffering from EXTREME anxiety/worry all my life. It’s led to really bad OCD/pshizophrenic actions or habits that I’ve formed that I don’t want to get into.
Idk how to say this, but I come from a family that doesn’t really think mental health is “a thing”. That sucks for me because I don’t have many friends or a life partner. My family is my support. Just going to my parents house and being around them (I’m the oldest sibling and moved out and have been living alone for 3-4 years now) and my siblings is the only thing holding me together. But they don’t understand what I go through and the more I try and tell them the more they seem to push me away because it seems they think I’m losing it or something. They also worry about me, which I don’t want them too. So I can’t talk to them about it.
I’ve never talked to any doctor or anyone about this. But my primary care doctor who I’ve known for years and see about 2x a year for random stuff like sinusitis and random checkups, by now knows I’m a complete hypochondriac and have HUGE HEALTH ANXIETY that has completely shot through the roof lately. I can’t even look at a mirror and dread taking a shower because I check and feel all over and I’m skinny (120lbs) so I can always feel something and I completely lose it. Panic attacks in the moment, and long term anxiety which I feel is eating my up from inside. I’ve rushed and driven to my doctor for something that he looked at and laughed at me and told me to get out of his office(jokingly of course), multiple times.
I obtained my medical marijuana card and was hoping that would work. The marijuana made everything SO much worse. Also, I’m a professional. I can’t smell like that in front of clients. THC made the anxiety soooo much worse and CBD does nothing for me.

I finally had enough and decided I need to start somewhere. I thought that start would be finding someone to talk to. I couldn’t find anyone or anyway to find anyone, so I just called my primary doctor. Who right away prescribed me buspirone over the phone. I have not tried it yet, but Of course I’ve researched the hell out of it since he phoned it in. From my research, it sounds like there’s no way in hell I’m going to take this medication. It sounds horrific.

My question here, is how can I pass this medicine and try something else? I’ve never been a “druggy” and I don’t get “high” I also never ever drink alcohol. My doctor knows that. What should I do? Tell him I tried it and the side effects are awful and it’s not helping? Ask to talk to someone? Blatantly ask for something like klonopon or Valium which does not have so many negative things online about? I fully trust my doctor and he’s been doing this for a very long time he’s very smart. He knows me and my history.

Thank you all I’m so sorry for the long post. I don’t know where else to turn. I’m very proud of myself for taking the first step, but I can already tell buspirone will not be the answer to my problem, or any relief at all.