Hey guys, this is gonna be a long post but I wanted to share it maybe to encourage someone 

A little bout me is growing up I wasn’t normal. My parents were overprotective, I didn’t enjoy many of the things normal kids enjoyed like hanging with friends going to parties, playing video games etc,. They rly stressed academics and had me always working towards being the best in whatever subject at school. I had to be the best (all As) otherwise I’d get in trouble (asian/african parents lol).

I didn’t think much of it at the time but this really fucked up my social skills. I had a funny personality though so I didn’t have trouble making friends but I never went out my way to create more relationships, making me pretty introverted. 

Fast forward to my high school years and it really starts hitting. This was during covid lockdown, I didn’t see my friends for the better part of two years due to my parents paranoia, keeping me inside alone in my thoughts all day. It was huge recipe for disaster, I got really anxious/depressed and started stress eating and gained so many pounds.

When it was finally over and I saw my friends again it was clear I had changed a lot. I was overweight in my prime years (18-19), and this fucked up my self confidence/esteem. During lockdown, I started a few online businesses which were mildly successful. As silly as this may sound, I just wanted to make money to secure a better future for me and this girl I really liked. In a way, she was my inspiration, and it killed me having her see me in the state i was in. 

I decided I was going to get fit again so I could feel better and pursue her. I made a bet on myself that I could accomplish it all in time. Only problem was I felt so overwhelmed with my businesses and college, I was gaining weight instead of losing it. 

Fast forward present day, and I’m currently running two miles a day, eating a lot better and finding enjoyment in working out. It felt like I can actually do it, and I felt like I had to beacuse I am in the darkest place I’ve ever been right now. 

We text sometimes and I see her about once a week. But at this point, it’s too late, she got a bf. Seeing that pic of the two on her story with a love song playing rly shook me lmaoo. I lost my bet and my inspiration at the same time. 

I struggle to focus on things beacuse of how I feel, and working out is a great distraction but it’s far from fulfilling. “Go get another girl” isn’t a thing rn in my world, which just adds salt to the injury, id he lying if i said I didn’t think ab ending it all but I’ll keep working towards myself, I’ll keep improving and taking my time. For now I failed in everything but it doesn’t have to be forever