I was diagnosed with bpd at the beginning of this year and finally had a concrete reason for my depression, chronic boredom, mood swings and feelings of emptiness but I haven't had any help to deal with how I feel.

 I've had a terrible year or so of jumping from one addiction to another and pushing people away with my uncontrolled behaviour... I've been sober for about a month more or less now but I don't feel any better emotionally, just bored as hell. 

I find no enjoyment in anything, nothing holds my attention. I spend most days flicking through the internet and watching crap TV. I used to like playing music and writing but I don't see the point anymore. I haven't got any friends to speak of anymore as they have all been scared away by my suicide attempts, depression and my constant oversharing of how bad I'm feeling at any given moment. I have agoraphobia to some extent, and rarely leave the house even when I want to. I get scared to even go to the shops because I'll have to talk to the checkout person. At the same time I feel really lonely despite not wanting to be around people. I keep thinking other people might be able to make me happy but they never do.

It's all driving me to think, "what's the point?" and to be honest I might as well give up and descend back into alcohol and drug abuse until I'm dead. I wish I still had the motivation to feel suicidal but I just feel nothing.