My whole life, I felt like I was in my own world. I'm unusually bright, so I wondered if this was the cause. So, I spent the last 15 years trying to dumb myself down. I regularly get drunk to the point where I punch myself fucking hard. Hard enough to potentially damage my brain. Somehow I haven't made much progress, despite causing that side of my face to appear flat and less muscular. It feels like I might have to kill myself to not feel like an outcast. How does everyone seem to just 'get it' from day 1, while I'm still struggling to fit in at 30? What is the point of life when I can barely socialise? I've been through a lot and all I ever wanted was somebody who appreciated me - somebody to look after. Now I realise that that person doesn't exist. Does anybody have any advice, or am I fucked? I will always fight but I don't know how much more I can take and what will happen. Life is wild and I've pretty much given up on any hope or any God. Everyone for themselves. Should I embrace that shit and fuck everyone else? That doesn't seem like a good thing for the world... but it seems like the best thing for me. Right now, I fail to see why I shouldn't take priority myself.