I don’t want to believe I have an addiction, but from an outsiders point of view... I have an addiction. There’s nothing specific I’m addicted to. I find whatever I can take, or drink or anything and I will take it and I don’t care about the consequences. I am such a terrible person, but at the same time I’m literally crying out for help and no one is noticing. My mother is barely ever home, my best friend bless her soul just always takes care of my messes and I know she will always help me and I take advantage of her for that. I know how to get any drug without ever having to spend a dime. I will ditch people for drugs or alcohol. I will not care about anyone else during the time and if someone is getting in the way of me getting what I want I will do anything in my power to make sure they feel like a piece of shit. I’m a terrible person. I literally hate myself so much and at this point I’m just waiting for something to happen to me because I deserve it. I know this whole post probably doesn’t make any sense but I’m just rambling right now. I’m a nanny by day and a druggie at night and it’s so scary how I can just be a complete different person as soon as I leave my job. I am a monster and I deserve everything bad that is happening to me in my life. This is my karma. This is my rock bottom.