Long story but basically I haven't been around my FP in seven months and I'm absolutely miserable and desperate to see him/talk to him. I just want some sort of reassurance that we're OK and he doesn't hate me even though I was really awful. 

The reality is that we're not though, I made him uncomfortable through mixture of being awful and being unwell, he doesn't want to see me and I'm trying to just respect that and stay out his way rather than force myself on him. Cracked in December and added him on Facebook and got nothing back, so I definitely do need to stay away. 

But it's been on my mind every day since then and getting worse, particularly as saw him at an event last week for first time in a wbile. Actually did quite well as I stayed out his way and stuck to my friends, but the after effect has been bad. this week I can barely get out of bed because everytime I open my eyes I'm thinking about it. Same why I can't sleep at night. And I keep bursting at into tears all over the place, and I feel pretty suicidal. It's been like this for months but now it's worse and now I'm convinced I'm turning into a stalker. I just really miss him and I don't know how to cope.