You know, everything I read and a lot of what people say about BPD, in regards to dating, seems to boil down to: "These people are crazy and will try and hurt you on purpose because they are bad people." It's really hard because, eh, I'm not even really that interested in dating right now, but I'm not opposed to it. And yet, when the rare opportunity arises for something to happen, I don't feel like I should take it. Like, what if I am as shitty as everyone says? What if I will just fuck up the other person's life like some destructive tornado?

It's rough. Even if I got in a relationship I would need to it go slow and careful because of some things that happened. I feel like I'd just be asking for too much, all for me to, I guess, just ruin the other person's life. And professional treatment isn't really an option for me right now, 'cuz, y'know, mental health isn't ever really taken seriously in the US anyways. So where does that leave me? Just... not dating? I don't think I could stand another bad relationship, or god save my withered fucking soul if I get with another person who just wants to use me, which means I'm just inherently guarded. Now I'm also aware of how much of a romantic POS I might be too. 

I don't feel so romantically lonely anymore, not after the events of this year, but still I would of course love a partner. I just... can't stand the idea of hurting them, or getting hurt. What do? Feels hopeless in this regard, you know? I guess if I need to go it alone I'll figure it out, but... I don't know.