My partner has a diagnosis of BPD, but is not getting treatment for it. I've generally been okay with this, but we've reached a point where I'm just getting hurt too much and I feel like if things don't improve, I'm going to have to walk away.

I really, really don't want to do that. I love my partner.

Advice for non-BPD partners usually emphasizes setting boundaries. I've thought about that a lot and have made some attempts that improved things at least temporarily. I guess now I'm thinking it's time to go beyond boundaries and set conditions. Formal therapy is probably not an option, but there are some pretty good self-help resources these days. I'm thinking of saying something basically like, "I love you, but I can't have this chaos in my life anymore. You have to start working on this," and making it clear that if there is no effort at self-help, at a minimum, I have to let the relationship go. 

I realize this is risky. I can see it going a couple of different ways: (1.) a temporary show of effort that doesn't last, or (2.) outright refusal and accusations that I'm being controlling. Has anyone here been motivated to get help and make real changes by someone close to them insisting on it as a condition of staying in that person's life? If so, how did they approach it that made you really want to do the work and get better?

I don't want to hurt my partner. I don't want to give up. I just want us both to be healthy and happy and not hurt so much all the freaking time. Please help me figure this out. (Feel free to inbox me, but I may not be able to reply immediately.) Thanks for listening.