i hate this. i feel like im being nice in the moment but once i look back, i can see how it can come off a bit much. i suppose i come off somewhat as a bully, but i try REALLY hard to be friendly and welcoming? my jokes are just intense for most people and for reason it’s just not clicking with me. 

at this point i don’t even want to talk to anyone? i don’t want to be told to be nice. i don’t want others to warn people about me. i don’t want people to fear me because of my intense personality. 
i promise my heart is in a good place, i just express my emotions in a weird way. i’m so embarrassed by it and i want to hide away. why am i a bitch? why do i have to say everything that’s in my head? 

i’m sorry for this rant, i just don’t feel like anybody would really understand. i mean well and i wish people understood that and accept me. i’m not a bad person i promise… sigh, my heart hurts and i feel horrible for making people uncomfortable.