now im not sure if this is the right flair, but here we go! (wanted to use positivity, but somehow it wont let me use it hahah)

i was a bit rambling abt my "bad views" of my ex, being super insecure and thinking its all just in my head and he isnt the person i made him out to be

however, my friend agreed with me. she said that she also feels like this abt him. they seem to be in the same discord server and he seems to be gossiping about other people and making a lot of unneccesary sexist jokes for example

like for example, sometimes i think "women" jokes are funny, but when its literally the only thing you can joke about, then those jokes probably have some intent to them

she also noticed the gradual character change that my ex went through, obviously towards the negative, she told me its not my bpd. she told me any gf wouldve noticed that and wouldnt be alright with it

when she talked abt it, i felt so relieved. i was always so anxious that im just nitpicking on his character and that im at fault for turning the relationship into such a shitfest because i couldnt accept him the way he was. turns out, he was just changing into a less likeable person 

i think im ready to move on. i think now that i have gained this new perspective, i have realized that i was so frustrated all the time because i wanted him to change back to how he was. but you cant do that, for obvious reasons. people change.. and sometimes not for the better

perhaps this is where im closing this chapter