I've needed a hair cut for months now, but I just keep saying "maybe tomorrow", "maybe next week." Then finally I decided today would be the day. Enough stalling, let's be brave and just get it over and done with. It's a beautiful day so I decided to walk. I barely get to the end of the street and a police car stops beside me. Instantly I'm in panic mode with every possible thing I might've done wrong going through my head. But, they are very nice and just wanted to ask me if I have seen anyone on a motorbike around. I tell them no sorry I haven't. "Thanks buddy" he said, and they drove off. I wonder if he calls everyone "buddy" or if it's because despite being 27 I still don't look or behave like a grown man. 

I walk a bit further, about half way to the hairdressers now, but I already feel drained. Feels like everyone is looking at me. I check my reflection in a window as a reminder to fix my horrible posture and all I can think about is how ugly and stupid I look. I remember that I'm going to have to sit at the hairdressers looking at that ugly face in the mirror, smiling just enough to be polite but not enough that it shows my bad teeth. I'm trying to think of every possible question they might ask. Where do I work? Unemployed. Relationship? No, never. It's the same reason I avoid all social interaction, because explaining that I'm a total loser one question at a time is so painful and alienating. I already had a lump in my throat just thinking about it, so I just turned around and walked home like the failure I am.

Sorry, I don't know why I'm posting this, it's pathetic. But that's where I'm at, can't even get a hair cut. How am I ever going to get a job and be normal. I have so much respect for anyone who can just do these everyday things, I don't know how you do it, it's so hard for me. Guess I'll just try to forget about it and spend another few months in my room.