i am autistic and i feel anxious pretty much everyday, although I do not feel this anxiety in my head (there is a slight feeling?) I feel it in my body, my shoulders are contracted and there is a slight feeling in my stomach, there is also a “cry over the horizon” feeling, where I have a tiny need to cry but I just can’t do it.

i was really self conscious and isolated for years and that negative self task has seriously affected my relationships. i become snappy with voices and i get annoyed by certain tones. i am a huge seeker for external validation and I feel confused most of the time. i hate being around people that have annoying voices. also if my room is messy I get upset and start hitting things in my room, i used to self harm by hitting my head but i stopped because it may have caused a minor TBI.

my eyes look dead and my facial muscles (around the eye and above) are droopy, not because of any physical problems, but because i get overstimulated really easily from 0-100,   i hear everything and I miss weed so much because it silenced everything. 

i also repress a lot of emotion/feeling, even though i try my best to work with it cognitively, these “anxiety attacks”/ shutdowns happen 3/4 times a week even when i’m lying in bed or outside. i’m a mix of over and under stimulated. 

i’m sensitive to tactile and smell sensations too, clothes that are tight or uncomfortable or have the wrong colour, or weird material and weight.

i hate that everybody treats me like I’m dumb, the anxiety acts like a curtain to anything i want to do, remember or recall, i shutdown over the smallest thing. 

my mind races so quick that it’s hard to slow down and collect myself even with meditation, it’s too quick. 

my temporary cure was weed, but i become seriously out of touch with reality and it makes me become even more isolated. i’m not sure what i can do.