Hi BPD community! I've been a lurker for a while and commenting on posts, and I figured I'd make my own post here. Lately, I've been struggling with my sense of self. What is a "sense" of identity? I literally have no idea of who I am because I detest what kind of person I've become so I'm trying to destroy "her".

I started DBT a few months ago and goddammit it is beyond infuriating. I'm responsible for this, I can't be subjective, etc. In practice, I'm looking at things logically as well as objectively, but I've become very dismissive of people who can't think like I do, I'm arrogant when it comes to intelligence because I want a large amount of approval, and I dehumanize others a lot. It feels like a gigantic rock I have to roll up the hill, but the longer I fight it, the bigger this rock gets. I'm starting to hate myself more and more because -- who wants to be like *this*? Dismissive, arrogant, hating everyone?

So I ask - what do you guys do to not be so confused? I'm still going to therapy and sticking to my routine, but I feel like that's not enough and most people I know don't understand why I've let it get so bad.

tl;dr: I'm confused, dismissive, arrogant, and feel like a rock is crushing me. Need Reddit's help with tips on how to find my true identity. 