I will never go into details. But I was a fucked up kid because, long story short, my dad died and my moms mental illnesses kicked into overdrive. Schizophrenia and shit. Anyways, of all the fucked up things I did like 8-12 years ago (I'm 18 now) make me feel undeserving to live. Not suicidal, but like if someone found out and decided to kill me for it, I would not blame them. I'd explain it took far too long. 

TL;DR-Does anyone else feel like at the deepest cores of their cold hearts, they literally deserve absolutely nothing besides death? To the point you don't deserve suicide. You deserve pain. Forever.

I hope I'm not alone.