I have bpd and during some dark depressive episodes, the vibes can be really bad. When things are going well, I can function and make friends even extremely close friends where we bond over something and have a lot of jokes together and good memories but eventually something irks me slightly or shifts the tone and then slowly I start taking things personally and getting upset and making things weird w them and then it blows up over some shit and I lose a friend (and often friend GROUP). Also I used to be stoned all the time and coming in and out of withdrawals and friedness didn’t make my emotions more manageable or myself more pleasant. A lot of these people I either still follow or still have some mutual friends with or work at the same university as them etc. and I dont know how to grow up or heal with these type of skeletons in my closet. I feel like (TW this is a bad analogy) almost like I’m the cuomo or Weinstein and they’re the women I used to party w and I wronged them and they’ll come forward someday, except I was a bad friend to them and they would come forward to potential new friends and paint me in a bad light that I will not be able to escape…. If I’m a more positive person and more aware/ better at managing my own inner workings and issues, how can I outgrow my past self’s red flags and mistakes?