Let me rephrase, I am new to depression. I am formally diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) as of this year. This is caused by a chronic illness called Cushings disease/syndrome. Due to this severe hormone imbalance I am treatment resistant. I keep telling my doctors the medications do not work. Although I WISH one would. I have pursued therapy which also has not helped. This is severe and legitimate from an excess amount of cortisol pulsing through my body that is known to also onset psychosis. This chronic illness coupled with regret has devastated my life. More so the regret than the illness. How do people dealing with depression disorder manage? The last 9 months of my life have been a hell on earth. How do you deal with devastating regret? My situation is “rare” due to a hormone imbalance but more than half of my depression is due to circumstances surrounding regret of an abnormal lifestyle I now lead. So far what keeps me going is that my disease is curable so one day I may mentally recoup. However I will live the rest of my life with permanent damage. I used to LOVE life. Everyday was a gift now it’s physically and more so mentally painful to even be awake. I’m young and can no longer go on to graduate school or pursue my interests. My hand tremors are so bad I can not play my keyboard anymore. My muscles are so weak I can barely walk. My degree is now rendered useless as I do not work. School was my favorite thing in the world and I can not go into the programs I prepped for. I’m not even a portion of the person I was. The disease has even caused cognitive decline that feels like what early on set dementia looks like. How the hell do people cope with MDD? I don’t know how to deal with depression. This is far worse than teenage melancholy. This is a true and deep what seems like irreparable sadness that is so very new to me this year.