All of it. I was doing well but I always end up in this place: miserable. I don't like my job. I experience no satisfaction or sense of achievement from it and it barely pays enough. I'm paranoid of the people there. I don't know who to trust with what. The shift time is horrible. 11am - 7pm. I've been telling the necessary people that I'm not happy with that and I want to change or I'll be forced to look else where.  I don't want to but my mental health requires it. I've been told that this coming Monday I'll be starting in another section at an earlier time but I don't trust them. They lie. I really don't want to go in tomorrow but there if I don't there will be no one else there to do my job. It's a really shitty situation and I'm allowing it to affect my health. Most people there aren't happy and try to do the least amount of work as possible. I don't know what to do. I've had suicidal ideation for the last month at least and it's getting worse. I feel like I'm doing everything I can for everybody and it's not good enough. It's fucked. I've been thinking of admitting myself to a psych ward but I don't know if that would just make things worse. Plus, there's no guarantees of a bed anywhere. I have private health insurance but again, no guarantee of bed in a public hospital let alone a private one. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of this illness. I'm tired of the cycles of being well only to end up miserable again. I feel so powerless to manage it. I don't know where I belong in this world. My mind is broken and doesn't seem to be fixable. I've lost hope. I don't know what to do. I just want a break from my mind. It's just always negative. It always comes back to negative. Everything. I don't enjoy *anything*. I don't sleep well. I don't trust anybody, not even myself. I'm not well and I don't know what to do.