I've been reading a lot about BPD and can't help wondering if that's my issue. At least mildly. Idk. Gonnna keep doing more reading. 

So far i think I match up to a lot of things but maybe not to the extreme level ive been reading about. 

For instance; 

I've been irritable/angsty/wondered what's wrong with me for as long as I can remember

I've always struggled with extreme emotions/outbursts. I've gotten better at hiding the outbursts over the years but they def happen. 

I'm pretty sure I have an FP. Or always had one. Everything has always felt like the highest high or lowest low with the person. 

Chronic feelings of emptiness/boredom.  Yeah thats me its been interesting reading about ppl zoning out like I do. 

I have severe abandonment issues. And I've gotten better at not asking people if they're mad or love me or whatever. Cause I know it pressures them. But it still pops up. If I don't hear from my person it eats me up inside. I've deleted ppl off social media trying to explain that I struggle when I see them having a life without me. Out of site I can deal better but I get in my head otherwise. 

I sorta have self harming behaviors. They were more intense when I was 15-22. I dont self harm anymore but I use to burn/cut to feel something.  Ive always smoked weed to deal with irritability.  Currently I try not to drink very often cause it's been brought up by close friends i can sometimes get too emotional/go on tangents (about these feelings of emotions and abandkment) its too much to deal with. 

Idk. 

Any book recs or article recs or other disorder recs?