So, my boyfriend and I are in a fight right now. From the start of our relationship, I always knew he was just a little bit smarter than me. I’m a pretty intelligent person, but he’s brilliant. I’m not sure if this made me insecure but, due to this, and his profession, I always feel like I’m being manipulated by him. Even though it’s very unlikely that I actually am being played, and he doesn’t really tear me down, I still feel this way. He always tells me I’m brilliant and beautiful and that he loves me, yet I read between the lines and tear myself down with the little jokes that he makes. So anyway, I kinda started a fight between us. He wanted to get drunk on Saturday and I convinced myself that he was ditching me to get drunk (I also have issues with alcohol because my brother left my family for partying) so I ignored his texts all day and then yelled at him. This was after we got in a fight because I wouldn’t talk about the suicidal thoughts I was having because I felt he was manipulating me into telling him (he wasn’t). I hate that I act this way. I love him so much and I know my bpd is getting in my own way and that he’s now understandably mad at me. We’re going to hash it all out today, and I’m so scared. I don’t want to lose him; he’s everything I have. (Also any DBT articles/pamphlets are always appreciated). 