I was in a relationship for 3 months with the most amazing beautiful girl I’ve ever met, she made me so happy and that made me uncomfortable, I was always so used to that feeling of emptiness and depression and I never imagined that I could be this happy, unfortunately we broke up around 2 weeks ago but im ok with it because it was the right thing for both of us, im kind of happy that we did since I can allow myself to go back into that depressive state that I was in and I just don’t know whats wrong with me, its like my body craves it for some reason, I always hoped that things would end between us in the back of my mind because then I can allow myself to feel shitty again, its like my comfort zone and I just don’t know how to change that.