**DISCLAIMER: This is just for me personally, I know they can be EXTREMELY beneficial and fantastic, and mine was too, but it just went downhill. That doesn't mean it will for you or that they're shit. I'm just done with trying for myself for now.**  


I'm quite finished with online friendships, I feel a bit used at this point. Helped them through so many years for so many things, because I wanted to help. I genuinely wanted to help, not expecting it back in return always, but for it to be a mutual giving friendship, as how it was. Then they've now done this and that with they're life, in good ways, so they're busy \[*somewhat* reasonably so\], but now I hardly talk to them. At all. When we do talk, it's all about what's going on in their life and I feel worthless because I'm not in the stage where I really want to feel, so it's slight jealousy. Trust me, I know just by reading that it seems stupid. I'm not expecting them to be at my beck and call at all, I just don't want to be thrown away and act like I was used because I was the only one there, like I never actually meant something. Only to be replaced by other people INRL. I'm ecstatic that these things are going on, but I was apart of this, too! Through ALL of it, our friendship grew tremendously only to be thrown away. Apparently you're to busy to be a genuine friend, to act like you care.  


I've always felt like I could let go of the friendship at any point and move on. But I haven't, because I don't want to deal with the repercussions of how they might feel or how they might react. I'm beginning to be abandoned. I don't want to be abandoned and thrown away. Why the fuck didn't I just go sooner? Years of friendship only to go down the drain because I'm replaced with temporary people even through I know you inside and out, like you do about me. But, because *clearly* I genuinely haven't meant a fucking thing. I'm no longer important to your life of how I used to be. I regret helping anyone so much just to be easily thrown away. When we talk it feels so fucking fake. I fucking hate it. I hate how you're throwing me away. Fuck you. I'm throwing you away. I want to cut you off so badly right now because there's no fucking point. I want to block you and remove you from anything and everything. But, of course, I'll be painted as the bad guy. I know you well enough to know that. I should be "more mature" and not "act like a child" I shouldn't be "selfish" and need to be "realistic". I don't want to force shit? I'm making a mature decision like how an ADULT should for my own sanity and overall wellbeing.  


We've gone through so much and now I'm just a used piece of trash thrown away. There's no point in having friends right now at this point, or even for a while. There's no fucking point right now. I want to completely cut them off before they completely cut me off. I want to do it now, so I can get it over with. I don't want them to get the upper hand. I want the upper hand. I want to be superior. I want to give the effect that I can move on with the snap of my finger. To be the person I portray myself to others. I don't care for how the fuck you think of me. I can stop caring about you instantly and move on with my life. I don't/haven't made any strong connections. Just a temporary plant waiting to be ripped out and thrown to the side, but this is exactly how I am now to you. Fuck this fake ass bullshit.   


I feel like you're a vampire now, sucking the fuck life out of me the second you get a chance to talk to me about your life and move on. I feel embarrassed to say anything about my life because I just seem fucking useless. Like I don't add up to your life right now.  


No one has tons of "genuine" friends. At the end of the day, you only have a couple that you can actually depend on to be real as fuck and there for you. That's reality. You know what? I know I'm doing better in many ways and that is what's keeping me going, and I know I will be in the future because I know what I'm doing and I have a good my head on my shoulders. Call that a massive ego, but I have to believe in myself somehow. To know I'm capable of many great things. I with them the best, but I know I'll do good and I hope the same for them too, though.   


I'm tired of now feeling used, I'm tired of having to parent you even though you're older than me, but alas, common sense isn't so common, so I don't blame them at all just a disclaimer, I'm tired of all this other bullshit. I need to meet people who aren't going to leech off of my time and energy eventually. Of course, when the time is right.  


**TL;DR: Don't appreciate being their friend for so many years only to be thrown out once things start happening INRL, only to feel like I was completely used at the end of the day because I was there to always support you through everything no matter what, now I'm replaced instantly with these new people because they're fresh new toys. Only for things to happen with them and then I'm probably going to be the back-up.** 