There's too much wrong to make up for. The barriers between myself and a normal life are strong and many. I'm depressed for many known reasons that I could discuss individually in detail, but that would take a very long time.

Where I'm suffering most now is socially. It's not the loneliness. I haven't put in the effort to develop as an adult, I don't have confidence in myself as an adult, and I'm so far behind I don't feel like there is a good place available to me left in society.

I'm more embarrased by it than anything else. It's not that I even want to be like everyone else, but I can't be like everyone else. It's too late for me to recover my reputation and self image. I've been too long embracing the wrong things. My whole existence is warped out of balance by an accumulation of negative consequences.

So that is good starting point for discussing my depression without unravelling the subject off into one direction or another. I wonder how much I could write about being depressed all at once? I could produce it, but it's just way too much for any one person to digest. So I'm trying to simplify things so I can explain in fewer words without losing much coherence.