I’ve been on a road trip with my mom (and my 13-month-old son, and two dogs) and, honestly, it has been just one thing after another after another. My mom tends to trigger some of my BPD emotions and she doesn’t really know how to handle me very well, so I have had to depend mostly on myself during the trip whenever something stressful happens. My husband and I made an action plan a long time ago for when I am having an episode, but it took us over a year to get in the habit of using it. I barely remember I have one when I am freaking out, and he does, too. Before the trip, though, we got better at pulling out the piece of paper with instructions on it, and my husband even started memorizing it so that he can help me whenever, wherever. 

Well, on this trip I’ve had a flat tire, two break-downs requiring a tow, and had stuff stolen out of the back of my truck. Still, I was meditating and trying to just enjoy my family despite the issues. Then, my son accidentally scratched my eye, causing a corneal abrasion that hurt like hell and made it impossible to see out of that eye. I went to the doctor and got ointment, but couldn’t take anything strong enough for the pain since I am still breastfeeding. That was what did it. I couldn’t drive and I felt like some evil force was just testing me to see how much I could handle (I’m not religious but I was really relating to Job from the Bible) and then my period started, sending me on a hormonal rollarcoaster as well. I started crying and panicking, freaking my mom out in the process. She tried to help, but I was a mess. I texted my husband, “climbing the BPD episode mountain, please call me,” and he did, even though he was at work.

It was like getting a call from a guardian angel. He was calm and soothing, totally ready to deal with my meltdown. He listened to me ramble incoherently and cry, and I managed to ask him to do the action plan with me. He did, even though he didn’t have it with him. He told me we were a team and would figure things out (statements from my plan) and gave me a timeline for when I would hear back from him again and what he was going to do to help (also part of the plan). It calmed me down almost immediately. I told him he is my hero.

You see, we almost got divorced several years ago, when we both were struggling with our mental illnesses and self-medicating. We decided to get lots and lots of therapy, and now you’d never know what we have been through. It took us so long to deal with each other’s episodes (he has bipolar), but with our action plans, we’ve handled some very rough patches. I can’t stress enough how important it is to get therapy, make an action plan, and build a support system when you struggle like I do. It doesn’t have to be a spouse - a relative, friend, mentor - just one or a few people who are willing to use an action plan when the need arises can save the life of someone with BPD, I think. 

I’m really proud of myself and my husband, too. We were in totally different time zones and still put our practice to good use.  I just wanted to celebrate our victory.  Hooray!