It's such a huge fear and now...

I felt my roommate/best friend pulling away after our dog died. My dad died the same week. It's been hard. She said she needed space and I felt abandoned. I felt distraught. I clung. I pestered. Now she's saying she needs even more space - no more invites. Fast forward a few weeks and now she's saying she's moving out. Needs space, doesn't want to resent me but feels it's moving that direction.

I'm so spun. I found out a few weeks ago and the morning panic doesn't come on quite as strong but it's still...every day I cry. Every day I fear. I feel so much like I caused this, like I acted on my fears and caused them to happen and it's just terrifying. That level of guilt, of shame, of responsibility for this abrupt and overwhelmingly negative change in my life.

After all the grief, she has to leave now? I feel so much more abandoned and rejected. I feel betrayed. 

I don't know how to cope with the changes coming my way or the change in our friendship? I feel so desperate for support that I won't really acknowledge how hurt I am by this. I feel like I have to stuff that down to remain friends so I'm not alone. I just don't know what to do - please offer what you can.

I've posted a lot and the big takeaway is that I simply have to survive this through the fear until it gets a bit more manageable and then things will turn around - but every day is agony. It's just taking things one day at a time but she hasn't even moved out yet (3 weeks), it's not even the hardest part but it's already eating me alive.