Honestly, I couldn't tell you what led me to this. Just one thing that made me snap after all the stress I get on the day-to-day. Something you would see as so mundane that ends up being so stressful for me. I just couldn't take any more. That was it. And I'm glad it's over. I can tell you I was scared. I thoroughly believed that suicide was a disgraceful death. One of a coward. In my religion, at least. My religion is one you never approved of but that clearly doesn't matter now. Your kid's dead and it's not like you're a victim just because I killed myself.

I was going to wait until I finished my shampoo and conditioner at the same time. But you bought me 2 in one instead. So no matter how long I waited, I always finished it at the same time. I was going to wait until I ended up completely alone so I didn't hurt my friends. The entire group dropped me at the same time. I am alone. I was going to wait until the day I couldn't see the sunrise anymore. We moved to a place where I can't see the rise or set from my window. I can't enjoy the beauty anymore. 

My senior year was killing me. So much stress. "Keep your grades up.", "Don't mess this up.", "You're so lazy.". Not just school though. "Eat like a normal person.", "This is why you don't have any friends, you're such an asshole.", "Just take care of yourself, it's not hard.", "Why can't you just do what I tell you?". So much shit from YOU. It's just you. Why are you so fucking hard on me? Cus you care? I doubt that. If you did, you would've noticed. Noticed anything. At all.

I'm not sorry. Just sick of all this shit. Sick of the shitty world and its shitty ways. Sick of shitty people and shitty countries in their pointless wars. I don't care if I get punished for suicide in the underworld. It's better than here. Don't disrespect me or my funeral. I don't want to be buried at a church. My body will not be buried a christian way. Do not put (my deadname) on my grave. You will never call me that again. Make my shitty father come and look at my corpse and watch him regret not being in my life when he should have. Don't act like a victim. You're not worth pity.