I have been helping my friend that's struggling with a partner that possibly has BPD, either way he's been manipulative and lied. I have BPD too. I've given suggestions, I've been there for her because she deserves it, she's such an incredible human. I also have been dealing with rape flashbacks the past 2 weeks. I feel like I've told my boyfriend I've been struggling really hard to not cry everyday. I volunteered at a camp for kids with disabilities this weekend d when I was broken to the core inside, but still made a difference and cared deeply for all the kids I met. I pushed all of my crying, all of my sadness, all of my needing help aside to help everyone. I came home and cried my eyes out. My boyfriend was comforting and somewhat understanding. Today I slept in for the first time in two weeks without having a paper or test happening and it was amazing. My tire went flat on my way to work, I called my boyfriend 5 times and he didn't answer. I got a cop to help change my tire, he called in the middle and all he said was well I still can't find my shoes. I went to work, listened to my coworker about her struggles, vented the tiniest bit, came home to my boyfriend with friends here. I just needed love, I just needed to know I wasn't alone. He came to greet me but somebody had left the garage open and lights on (causing bugs to get in) it's something small but really I'm dealing with flashbacks everyday, I'm crying everyday and you can't do a simple thing like keep the lights off or close the garage? You can't even ask how I'm doing? He went back to his friends, they came inside, I saw them all, not a one said anything, my boyfriend didn't even introduce me. I cried on my drive home. I got home and was ignored. I decided to get alcohol (not a good idea and I know it, but who cares when no one else cares about your life). I spun fire and felt immensely better. Then it started raining so I drank. He dropped his friends off and is now angry. I'm guessing because I was mad he left lights on and didn't close the garage. But please why can't you just help with tiny things when I'm broken inside. I can't be your mom when I'm dying inside.i need fucking love. Just fucking care about me damn it