I turn 22 on the 1st, and honestly am the most miserable I've ever been. I work with lots of girls either just finishing up high school or have just graduated, and we have a lot of down time to talk. They talk a lot about their lives and what they're doing on their days off, but then there's me. I go home, and I lie in my bed scrolling through my phone being miserable. I don't enjoy sports or video games like I once did. I have no friends and I have no car to really get out (I want to, but parent's just don't take me out to get experience). I have no plan for my future and don't know how to get one set because I'm so indecisive. I've had one coworker ask me a few times why I look so sad on any given day, I always kind of brush the question off, maybe smile or something just because I don't want to show how badly I am hurting inside. Other coworkers will ask me about other stuff like "what I'm doing for my birthday" or if "I've did anything fun recently" and I don't have anything to share because I just don't do anything. It makes me feel awful knowing I'm not enjoy anything or doing anything. I've had to stop and refocus myself a few times while working because I can feel I'm just about to break. The only real positive I have going for myself right now, is I have a decent amount of money, just nothing to spend it on and no one to spend it with.

My life consists of waking up and going to work 5 (sometimes 6) days a week for a full 8 hours and coming home and either watching a show or going straight to sleep to do it all the next day. And the sad part is, it's the most enjoyment I get now. I can't really explain why, but it is, even if it's not much. The days I have off are the ones I hate the most because I'm bored out of my mind and can't figure out a solution to my problems. And it probabaly doesn't help that I haven't had more than 6 hours of sleep in months.

I just can't think straight with everything going on right now, I want help, but don't want people to feel bad for me. I have hope things will get better, but I don't see it, and I don't know how to force it. I know my coworkers and family are likely aware I'm not ok, but I'm not willing to admit that to them.