Nobody gives a shit about me. How can I care about random words on a screen? I feel so disconnected. The only time I feel close to whole, safe and grounded is when my partner hugs me so tight it feels like he'll never let go, then he does and I'm back to reality. I wish I could live in one of those hugs forever. I wish I wasn't a vile, awkward, flawed person who pushes people away with my bitterness and contempt. I wish I was light and free and didn't have an ugly vail of guilt hanging over me. I hate myself so much. I can't even picture myself being here a year from now