i have absolutely nobody to vent to so here i am. my friends all left because of my depression. i feel like all i do is push everyone away. i’m stuck. i illegally dropped out of high school and can’t get a permit to work unless i go back but i have no way to even get there because i don’t have a license and i don’t have money to go to drivers ed because i don’t have a job. (i’m still 17 for context.) i feel like i’ve completely ruined my life before i even got a chance to start it. i haven’t spent a whole day sober in what feels like an eternity. i don’t want to be here anymore. i’m stressed beyond comprehension and i just want it all to stop. i just want everything to just go black like it was before i was born. i don’t want to die because i know if i did other people would be hurt but i don’t want to be alive either. i just want to stop existing. i feel like everything would be better off without me. all i do is hurt and push everyone away and im tired of it. i lay in bed all day everyday and just wait for it to get better but it never does and i don’t know how to make a change. i don’t know how people can be so happy in such a dark world. life has no meaning and i’m sick of it.