I (19f) have bpd, i got diagnosed last year.
Ive always had a bad relationship with food, but normally it was on the other side of the spectrum and i’d just binge eat until eventually i gained alot of weight over like two years. Whenever i am very depressed I’m either too depressed to eat and i lose alot of weight and get underweight OR i eat my feelings and binge,in turn i gain it all back and then some. But lately (the past 4-ish months) it hasn’t been that. Its been starving myself, yes but not because I’m so  depressed i cant bring myself to eat. Its obsessively calorie counting, exercising, i bought a personal scale so i don’t have to sneak and use my parents, body checking every day, crying if i dont hit x weight that day, fasting for x amount of time/days if i ate even a calorie over what i wanted to. 

I dont know if i have an eating disorder or if I’m just using this as another way to self harm? Or even just preoccupy my mind. Because its all i ever think about. 
I haven’t cut in awhile because of this, yea i still do but not nearly as often or as deep.

I know eating disorders are tied to bpd in some way?? I guess i was wondering if any body else can relate to this? I’m just confused i guess and dont really know how to feel or do about it. 

My mom has always called me anorexic when i am too depressed to eat for days/weeks/months. But i wasn’t, i wasn’t willfully starving myself, i didn’t even know how to count calories then. Idk what i am now though, bc i am doing it willfully now, and i hate it.