I need someone to hold me and tell me 'everything is going to be okay'. I've felt so apathetic today, I feel so horrible, I don't know what to do. People say they support me, but it's mostly superficial. I need someone who can actually be there for me physically and help me through this mess. But all I get is people who tell me they support me, or care about me or love me but that feels like the equivalent to "thoughts and prayers". Maybe I'm being unfair as I haven't actually asked these friends for help much.  I hate this feeling more than anything. I've been through neglect in my life and I know that telling someone you love them is much different than actually loving them. I want actual love, support and care rather than being in your thoughts. I feel needy when I want this, but I know as a human I should be entitled to it (which is what past therapists have said). 

I've been trying to sleep, but I have this feeling of constantly being on the verge of tears and incredible stress. Crying is hard for me, but I need a good one right now.

Typing this out gave me a small amount of relief and some distraction. It's okay if no one reads this ramble/vent but if you did and have any advice please let me know. Thank you