I've been having a weird dissociative episode for like a week and a half now. 

Side tangent: I'd say my dissociation is probably "severe" (tried leaving church in a very religious household, definitely lots of emotional fuckery), by that I tend to usually feel apathetic or ambiguously frustrated/empty/anxious. I commonly read about BPD people feeling intense emotions whether it's happy or sad or whatever. I do the "splitting" with people but I think the dissociation is most overwhelming. Could have to do with the fact that I'm a male (most resources seem to be written by or geared towards women but men might show it differently, also society isn't super supportive of men expressing emotions anyway)

So obviously I have trouble handling emotions. I think in order to learn to handle happy, love, positive emotions, etc I need to learn to acknowledge when I'm feeling unhappy emotions (within normal limits of either of course). Sometimes bad, annoying, lame stuff happens and I think I try so hard not to let it bother me that it sends me into weird delusional free falls of irrational thinking about the greater universe and my purpose in it... Which I think probably is worse than just letting myself actually feel sad about the specific situation. I've been trying to learn to accept and view feelings in the positive spectrum in a more normal way, but still not coping with negative things in any way that could be considered healthy haha

Also I think doing this could possibly help me maintain more realistic perceptions of situations or people if I can equally accept the good and the bad.

As I've said, this is just random thoughts from a hyper-neurotic guy on the internet about his own situation so don't take it as your personal gospel!