(big rant) 
I'm so tired of people not believing me that I have BPD, saying that I'm making it up, that I'm doing it for attention or that I was misdiagnosed.

Wednesday I started going through therapy again after 4 years after quitting treatment. It's a long story but this new place will help me with my PTSD. I'm really happy I've finally found help that I can afford but at the end of my first session after I talked (a lot) about my BPD my therapist was quick and straight forward onto shutting me down on talking about it and also labelling my symptoms.

I get it, labels aren't necessary. But she especially said most people that go there for counselling were misdiagnosed with BPD while they were only struggling with trauma. She apologised after I got really upset, saying she didn't mean as if I don't have BPD but that it was a possibility, based on how many people she's seen there before.

It sounds silly but I couldn't help but start crying and freak out a little bit. I thought she was mad and planning on kicking me out of the program. Or judging me for talking so much about it. Mostly I was in shock because I couldn't stop thinking "what if I don't have borderline?"

Getting diagnosed helped me so much. Labels are stupid most of the time, but like I said to her, knowing that there's a reason of why I act and feel the way I do, being aware of my symptoms and finding people who struggle with it like I do has helped me cope throughout all these years. 

I think I freaked out because it's sorta part of me. I don't know why I try to talk about it anymore. I'm so dumb? Why am I so obsessed with it, nobody cares about it but me