I've been overwhelmed by a lot of different feelings of anxiousness about, to put it bluntly, a million different things since the start of the pandemic. 

I've gone from being pretty thin and being in solid physical and mental health (even starting to get into the dating world for the first time, granted a bit late aged early 20's) to gaining two stone over the course of the pandemic, constantly drinking alcohol more than necessary, constantly feeling lonely (my friends are all way too occupied constantly) and redundant and aimless.

My mental health started to improve again once I got my first post-Uni job earlier this year but then the business went fucking bust after only a few months. I've gotten another job now and it seems like it will be fine, especially as the people who interviewed me seemed cool and I'm proud of myself for doing well in the interview, but I am currently in limbo just waiting to actually start and I'm feeling worse than ever, just sitting there in the house and becoming increasingly unmotivated in regards to getting in shape again and dieting

Just tired of the lack of emotional connection (haven't even seen a woman pretty much in the last year, and relationships being everywhere in the media has made me deeply depressed about my lack of history with serious relationships) and lack of even seeing my closest friends for well over a year now. I have no clue where to meet new people, I feel shit and unmotivated when it comes to my physical health and feel suffocated in the environment of my house, because I don't have hardly anything in common with my family (except maybe my brother) and they all piss me the fuck off consistently.

Plus my physical health declining has allowed my Body Dysmorphic Disorder to really get out of control. My appearance and weight is literally all I can fucking think about, and it doesn't help that my hair is slowly thinning too even though I'm only in my fucking early 20's!

I don't know guys, I'm just so bored of everything feeling stagnant and being worried about everything all of the time

I was hanging out with a couple of friends today and ended up snapping at one (my closest friend) because they were talking repeatedly about shit that reminded me of all these problems, and I started straight up nearly crying about it, just felt completely overwhelmed and felt like I was having a panic attack. We had a long chat about it and parted on good terms, thankfully. I just explained it came from bottling up all these feelings of anxiety for too long, and I was feeling extra shitty today for some reason.

Thought it would be good to get my full feelings out here. I'd appreciate some advice if you can make it through my paragraphs of rambling lmao, thanks for listening people, hope you're all doing good yourselves