CW for addiction and suicide///
i’ve recently started considering that i have BPD. i have an ex who i had a mildly unstable, very passionate relationship with for about 4/5 months before we broke up because i wasn’t close enough for them, i was trying too hard to seem like i wasn’t absolutely obsessed with them. we took abt a 2 month break where i lowkey stalked their accounts on everything, obsessed over them, kept a list of information on them and would go over it to make sure i knew them well enough. they texted me a few weeks ago and asked if i still wanted them in my life. i broke. i’m obsessed with them. they haven’t texted me in 2 days, but before when we talked more often, i’d respond to them instantly and they’d average 10-45 minutes to respond. they’re dealing with an addiction, and i’m dealing with my own crippling mental health issues. when we were together i suppressed my adoration of them so i didn’t seem creepy, but it seemed to backfire and i can’t help it anymore. i’ve become dependent on them to feel anything. without them i’m numb, when they’re mad at me i’m suicidal, when they’re happy with me i feel pure bliss. it feels so unfair to rely so much on them but at the same time i can’t help it. does this sound like bpd/ a favorite person?