I'm friends with a male who has been recently diagnosed with BPD, and I don't think I've been very understanding up until now (i.e. treating BPD more like other personality disorders, thus triggering him). Moreoever...in my research, nonBPD people keep telling me that people with BPD are cons/liars. Everyone is making these people out to be evil...and its making it VERY HARD for me to understand my friendship with this BPD person. Because I have my own illness/personality disorder, my own therapist expressed concern regarding our relationship being unhealthy for me ( I am a recovering codependent). She explained that those wBPD can have it on a spectrum just like my issues - High and low functioning. 

I'm pretty sure my friend is high functioning, and embarrassed about that "side" leaking out to me. He's only had the rage episodes a few times around me, but I assume they're subdued (he grabbed me once when I turned away while I was upset, and he's done the splitting with me). I only experienced one suicidal ideation with him. A lot of times, he doesn't like me around when he's feeling like that. He'll talk to me via phone/text, but not in person.  I've known him for 5 years, but only recently did his psychiatrist start seeing the pattern that his depression was actually BPD.

Because of my own issues, I'm ambivalent when he splits me black. When he gets too far in my boundaries...it triggers my anxiety and I become unresponsive and I know that's triggering. Having severe depression and anxiety I relate to that devaluation even if it's not the same. However, I am very aware it's a lie chemicals are telling me.

I want to know more about what borderline men go through. I hear so much about women, but I want to know about things for guys. I posted in BPDLovedOnes...and while I do think this disorder is hard on everyone...I want to weigh the hurt there against the hurt of pwBPD. Because it seemed a little skewed I found so few people who could match a pro with a con. The labels liars and manipulators seems really...unfair? I would only agree if you aren't in therapy/etc.

I don't want to think my friend is a bad person, or everything that happened he ever told me is a lie. Especially with his gender identity issues and BPD. I guess I want to understand...because I'm trying to deal with the fact that his BPD has hurt me...and I may have to step away...but I can never think that he's a bad person because it's not his fault 100%.