I just want it all to end, I wanna kms but at the same time I don’t want to, if that makes any sense. My mom is probably the main why I’m still here, I don’t wanna hurt her in anyway. I have friends and I love them so much and ik that they love me, but also me not being here wouldn’t make a big difference for them. They might get sad for a month but they’ll get over it. 

I don’t think I have depression, I honestly don’t know what’s wrong with me. I get these severe mood swings everyday, I can go from being neutral to being very depressed or very angry in a second and these mood swings can last anything from 15 mins to 3-4 hrs, I get that nearly everyday, its so fuking tiresome. I think about suicide nearly everyday. idk if I’m ever gonna go thru with it but the fact that suicide is usually the first thing I think of when something bad happens is scary to me, so sometimes I tend to self harm to block these thoughts out.

I used to be an A* student, I used to be in really good shape physically. But right now I’m a fat failure uni dropout who does nothing but eating, watching Netflix and going out. All my friends r graduating and moving forward with their lives, except me.

No one is probably gonna bother to read all that, It’s just that this is probably the only place I can talk about everything without worrying anyone or getting judged by anyone.