Mom found out I been looking at /r/selfharm and confronted me. I just told her the truth:  "Yeah, I do it, Yes, that's what happened to my legs, I was seeing a psychotherapist. I have borderline personality disorder."

She was calm about it. Obviously she's worried 'cause that's what she does. I told her I never planned on telling her or anybody about it because I didn't want to be treated differently. Even though she insisted that I wouldn't be treated different, she admitted things would be a little different. I knew I would be treated differently. She asked questions and I answered them as best as I could. 

I don't know. I didn't want anyone to know 'cause I don't want to talk about it with anyone. I am dealing with it. Now I feel like things just got more complicated and everything is in jeopardy. I just want to deal with it on my own. I don't want anyone's pity, help or love. They're too fickle. When I give in and say that I need help, they aren't there. This is why I stopped depending on people. Whatever happened to keeping your word? You can't just offer empty help to people. Now that people do want to help, I don't want their help because i'm too cynical to even take it.

Everything i've worked so hard for last year continues to fall down around me. I had what I wanted most in this world and now I have nothing. I am back into that same old fucking rut I was in for so long.  