Wish i could go back to being the calm, empathetic,  naive kid i used to be. I can't live the life i want. The near constant anxiety and selfhate make me feel so depressed. There are plenty people who want to help me, and sometimes i feel kind of fine.

But then the most minor inconvenience happens at work or outside and i go back to intensely hating myself. I can't appreciate anything i have accomplished. I frankly don't care about the people who love me.

And i hate myself even more because of it. 

I never want to feel fine again, because i'll just relapse and that will be worse. 

I just don't want to exist.