I’m a 21 year old male, and I like to think that at this point in my life, I’ve been able to keep BPD fairly hidden, at least on a surface level. I don’t talk about my struggles with it often, and few people in my life (except 2 or 3 maybe) are even aware that I have it. 

The one thing I can’t avoid is my tendency to snap at people sometimes, often over things that are in retrospect, insignificant. It’s usually triggered by me perceiving someone as disrespecting me in some way. I have a lot of trauma about being made fun of. In high school I had few if any friends, and I was always being treated like crap. Adults would invalidate my feelings, and it seemed like no matter the peers I was around at the time, they wouldn’t accept me. I was socially awkward and had a hard time talking to people, and I was shunned and mocked for it constantly. 

Now in my adult life, I’ve sharpened up my social skills and I think I come across as fairly charming and easygoing a lot of the time, but when I notice that someone is repeating disrespectful behaviors that I remember from the past, it makes me LIVID. Even if it’s just an off hand joke, or a miscommunication, or the person didn’t even intend to be hurtful, when someone does that I fucking FLIP OUT. 

Example: one time I was standing in line and a girl stepped on my shoe accidentally and didn’t apologize. I went off on her; I went on a long rant about how she was an “entitled rich girl, social climbing, fake bougie primadonna who had no sense of self awareness or empathy for others.” I finished with “and you make me sick.” She looked like she was about to cry, and started apologizing profusely. 

Example: another time I was at the bar and came across some guys I knew in a larger group with others. We were introducing ourselves and one guy shook everyone’s hand except for mine, and I LOST MY SHIT. Called him every name in the book. I was very close to punching him in the face, and had to excuse myself to smoke a cigarette because I was pissed.