To give context, I experience debilitating obsessive intrusive thoughts, and I felt debilitating anxiety for the first time about a year ago when:

I got a memory of my mom letting me cross a boundary in terms of affection (not sexual, just inappropriate for my age and would have been irresponsible on her end) when I was about 9 stuck in my head on repeat. It hadn't ever bothered me this much before. It made me very depressed since my mom is the most stabilizing relationship in my life and always has been, and now all my brain could tell me was that she was evil, perverted, any scary thought you could have about a loved one. I talked to her about it eventually (thankfully we are close enough that I didn't feel judged), and she 1) didn't remember it and 2) thought it would have been super unlikely for her to say yes and for me to want to do anything like that at such an age. That reassurance was enough for a month or so before anxiety took charge again. When she realized it was causing me distress she insisted we begin looking for therapists so I can talk through this since she couldn't understand what was happening but we haven't found anyone yet.

That was the first time I ever experienced poor mental health, and it's like some floodgate opened cause a few weeks later I began to have regular intrusive thoughts and anxiety that are typical of OCD (I found out from compulsive research). 

Since then, my 2 sources of anxiety have been this memory ("what would others think of this?", "would a therapist believe me if I said this?", "what if my mom is lying about remembering it?") and the random intrusive thoughts that I theorize (have not been diagnosed yet, this is simply my best guess so far) are related to an obsessive-compulsive disorder. They alternate, or go away entirely for a few weeks, but lately, they've kind of morphed into one.

I've become paranoid that both my parents are evil, creeps, malicious, the worst, basically. I overthink any physical affection, constantly comb through past memories to analyze, and the worst thought I have that just breaks me is that if I ever have a child I shouldn't let my mom take care of them. That one is the most painful (my mom loves spending time with kids, she loves all the mundane tasks, like teaching them to clap and reading to them). And what makes this cycle so hard to escape is that my anxious brain will grab onto anything and twist it. I'll be sitting in bed on my phone and my dad will be crouching beside me chatting and he'll kiss my forearm or pat my knee and I won't get it out of my head for days. It's exhausting.

I need to learn to live with uncertainty and focus on what I know of people.