I hate it. When things are going well which seems like never I force myself to be anxious. I think too much on purpose or I’ll force myself to have intrusive thoughts like a family member dying or getting fired from a job or just plain overthinking but on purpose. Or even gross disgusting thoughts, vile things even. I feel like this could be ocd, I have never been diagnosed but I know I have it. I’ll over think so much on purpose during times like this when I’m in a somewhat good place or just having a nice day that I’ll get so dizzy and feel like fainting. And then the the typical anxiety symptoms kick in, the burning mouth the numbness etc. It’s almost like I’m an addict and I get off on my demise.. what the hell is wrong with me.. how do I stop trying to sabotage myself when things are going okay for me..