I’ve been on a good path, my coping mechanisms have been healthy but I’m so anxious tonight I fear relapsing. I feel so many things under the same branch — anxious, worried, uncertain, even slightly dead inside. 

My partner’s gonna start a business and I’m so so anxious about our future. I can’t bring this up to her becoz, am I just afraid of the uncertainty? Or is this those gut feelings that’s often talked about? I can’t tell. She’s so excited and today details were more or less confirmed and I’m just so anxious. What if we run out of money? What if we dont make enough to sustain the business, our rented place, our daily necessities? It’s a shit market and everything’s getting more expensive. 

Our lease’s ending in February and I’ve been looking and everything is at least $500 more (even for places smaller than ours). What if we can’t find a place within our budget? Do we live on the streets? What if we can’t make payment for this and that and everything? 

I’m wrecked with anxie and I feel so damn useless. I don’t work (used to) coz i get such bad anxie it makes me cry/throw up. I feel so useless, I’m not contributing and I can’t work a full time job to curb the anxie. 

I just needed a space to vent, I feel so small.