After feeling suicidal I decided to get some help. My parents kinda brushed it off until I admitted to wanting to take my life. Even tho my mom is bipolar and grandparents have anxiety and depression. I always thought I was just lazy and dumb. After educating myself a bit I am now 99% sure I’ve had ADHD all my life. That plus things that haven’t gone the way I wanted. A lot of things are weighing me down. And these things I feel that I suspect is ADHD have affected the outcomes and my reactions to these situations. And has led to me being in this constant sad state. I start therapy on Thursday, so I haven’t got to have this conversation with a professional yet.

I always thought I was just lazy and stupid. But when it comes to some things I can’t do them. I can’t move. I’m constantly telling myself to get up in my head. I can’t move tho. It’s a warm comforting feeling like I’m laying in bed. But it feels sad. To the point where I can’t clean my room, or do anything. I just want to lay in bed all day and do nothing. Wherever I find myself I just sitting/laying there staring at something. Sometimes not even thinking, just feeling sad. Or other times I’m trying to tell myself to stand up, but I can’t. Or I’m just thinking negative thoughts. I cannot even cry anymore. I’ve told my parents, but they don’t understand. They think I’m just lazy. I can’t do my schoolwork. Why? I don’t know I just can’t do anything. I’m failing a couple classes, but I just can’t. It kinda feels like a mental block or something. I can’t play with the cat, I can’t get do my homework, I can’t get up, I just can’t move. Why?