I had a really great childhood in a small town in Germany. Life was great, I was a happy little kid playing all day outside with my friends. My worriless youth ended abruptly when I was 17 and I was told my father killed himself and that was where my innocent world got teared to peaces.

That was also the point in life where I got introduced to the concept of depression and that all my father's family had to deal with it and at one point died to this disease.

At first it was hard for me to understand the concept of depression, why should a small little kid like me be worried or sad about a world where my biggest worry so far was that I maybe choosed the wrong starter Pokemon?

Now 10 years later I almost totally wasted my 20's what should have been the prime of my life to grieve and depression. I lost the majority of my friends because I'm bad ad keeping relationships and often just stay for weeks in my bed without responding to anyone. I feel miserable and alone most of the time.

 At first people try to cheer you up and help you but at some point they just give up and I can't even blame them, who wants to be around a miserable sad person?

Sometimes I think I'm addicted to the sadness when I find myself listening to sad songs which remind me of relationships with people that loved me ones but are now just a memory in my sick and sad brain.

How to live with the certainty that depression will always be a part of my life and I will never get rid of it and have to live with it? I just want to be this little kid with so many hopes and dreams again.

I'm sorry if my English is not that great since it isn't my first language. If you read this text till here I just want to thank you stranger on the internet, have a great night and may all your dreams come true one day &lt;3