I'll keep my story brief. I was misdiagnosed with bipolar six years ago. I was heavily, heavily medicated, unncessarily, because as it turns out I'm not and never was bipolar. I knew I fit all 9 of the BPD criteria listed in the DSM, just took finding a proper (non pill-happy) doctor to professionally diagnose it. Either way, the damage of the bipolar misdiagnosis has been done. 

I should say I also have issues consistent with CPTSD.

I was taken off abilify recently, and it was something that has largely kept me numb to the world. Because I'm not bipolar, and the drug was causing serious weight gain, my new psychiatrist tapered me off. It's been a month and I'm getting more 'symptomatic' by the day. The anxiety portion, the panic episodes, are all damn day. I wake up with a pounding heart, unable to self-soothe. I cycle between various strong emotions about people in my life, deciding they are ultimately wholly good or wholly bad. I cling, desperately, to any interaction I get in the hopes that more people don't decide to leave me. The sleep issue is getting worse, I can't sleep at night. As of late, episodes of paranoia have resurfaced. 

I truly wonder if the anti-psychotics made me numb to the world, and I am overwhelmed now and experiencing what I never learned to cope with while I was so drugged up.

The BPD symptoms are leaving me in physical distress. First, the no sleep. Then came headaches, rapid heartbeat, and as of late, I feel like all my muscles are filled with battery acid. Just a general, almost achy and restless discomfort. 

I know I need a professional intervention, because I am slipping into crisis territory. 