There's quite an interesting dilemma a constantly go back and forth on that has me very confused and feeling uncertain about myself.

I'm quite sexually open, have had a lot of casual sex, friends with benefits and kink sex. Some times I find this aspect of my life rewarding in that I make very intimate connections with really interesting people. There's a dark side to it though where I reach into this world whenever I'm feeling pain or stress. It gets to the point where it takes up an outrageous amount of my time and energy. 
 
Whenever I go on a binge of sex I become very lonely yet also afraid of being vulnerable. This leads to a ping pong of wanting sex and excitement but also being afraid of being with another person.

Previously I thought it was an addiction but I'm not so sure. It feels like a core part of my BPD. The overwhelming need for connection coupled with intense emotions associated with sexual intimacy create a whirlwind like effect whenever I'm engaged in this stuff.

Do any other people on here struggle to manage their sexuality? Has anyone else successfully differentiated between what they actually enjoy and what they engage in due to medicating their BPD?