ok first you need some backstory. At the beginning of the year, I moved 100 miles away from all my friends to a country where I don’t speak the native language. (Spoiler: it’s not fun.) I’ve seen some of my friends twice and will see them again this month, but it didn’t change things, my whole life was just spent waiting to see them again. I’ve always kind of hated where I am now, and every visit was plagued by the fact that it would only last a few days, every day felt the same, and nothing felt significant. I would lose interest in everything and become numb. I became depressed. Every day I’d just lay in my bed and think: I just want to be with them again. That may seem pathetic but I tried and couldn’t make myself feel a different way. But no matter how much I looked on the bright side, or how many positive thoughts I put in my head, I kept sinking. No matter how much I tried to be independent, my friends will always complete me in a way and when I’m not with them, I won’t have that part of me. But that was the problem.

I tried. 

I tried, and nothing worked. At the end of every day, I was still sad. So what is the solution? (Bear with me)

Stop trying.

Nothing. There is no solution. There is no secret ingredient to make you feel less depressed or less anxious. I lost my friends and that sucks. But that’s ok. It’s supposed to. We feel sad because we love. Our bodies make us feel anxious because it thinks we’re in danger. Our brain makes us depressed when it thinks there’s nothing good. It does this for a purpose. It’s not a bad thing. Don’t to make your anxiety go away. Don’t distract yourself. Let it happen. Completely. Tell the anxiety it can stay as long as it wants because it’s trying to save your life. And when you do that, it doesn’t feel the need to come back as much. 

And don’t try to force depression away, use it as a tool to see what needs to be fixed in your life. Our brains and bodies need serotonin, oxytocin, endorphins, healthy food and connection with people. And if you don’t have those things, don’t try to not be sad. Don’t drown yourself in a hole of self pity or let everything knock you down, but let the emotions in, and live with them. It’s just like grieving. It gets better, but it’s never completely gone and that’s a good thing.

Our emotions are like tunnels, the only way out is through. Rain is uncomfortable but it makes the flowers grow. It’s ok, and it’s beautiful, and I hope you can see it that way, if you made it this far, thanks. You are loved and wonderfully made. I’m glad you’re here. Don’t cut your flowers before they get the chance to grow. It seems like forever, doesn’t it? But we’ll get there. If we let ourselves. It’s what we’re made for.