Well, I finally got my official diagnosis this week: turns out I *had* BPD, but trauma therapy knocked out 2 of the 6 criteria. Hurray. Nevertheless, I’m still in the thrall of a kind of residual BPD - and feeling it.

About a year ago I broke up with my best friend of almost 20 years and it has been a terrible ordeal. I’ve been replaying our friendship in my my mind every single day since and there just does not seem to be any relief. In between there is sadness and grief over the loss. But mostly I oscillate between feeling extremely guilty over my worst behavior and feeling extremely angry at my friend’s worst behavior. Neither emotion is ever fully depleted (I keep returning to both over and over again multiple times a day). And there just seems to be no space in my mind to occupy any middle ground. 

Well, if this isn’t classic BPD.

Somewhere in early 2021 I’ll be receiving therapeutic help with my ‘residual BPD’. But in the meantime: does anyone with personal experience of this have helpful advice on how to deal with it? What helped you? Did it ever stop? I’m kind of at my wits’ end.

Thanks!