I get that everything happens for a reason, but what the fuck. Why me? Why this? I don’t know what god or whatever I pissed off, so that I had to deal with this Bull shit. Like I get it people have it worse than me, and I’m aware I’m very privileged and lucky I have supportive people who help me through this, I can afford and have access to a therapist, I can afford and have access to meds. I get that a lot of people in the world and on this sub don’t have access to these, and I’m super lucky that I have access to all of these. I’m very grateful that I do. But it still fucking sucks that I have to deal with this Bull shit. That I’m trying so hard to get better, and I still hate myself. I’m doing everything right I think, but I feel stuck. Like I’ve gone 17.5 years almost normal to all of a sudden crack and be a fucking mess and can’t get my shit together the last couple months. I’m trying so hard to keep my mental health in check while managing school, college, sports, work, and friends they all help it but god it’s so fucking annoying. I hate the obsessions over getting random illness or the meaning of life, than proceeding to destroy my hands or my mind because of it. I’m tired of fighting this Bull shit, wondering why this happened to me. Like did I do something so terrible to have this thrown on to me? Are my obsession right about me being a terrible person that now I have to deal with this? I’m done hating myself. But your not gonna win mental health, I’m in charge of my future. You maybe a part of me but you don’t define me. I just wish I knew why this had to happen to me, why I have to bare this cross. I know I got this but I just wish I knew why I have to have this, ya know? I’m sorry I’m just pissed, and annoyed. But you wanna know we got this. We will succeed and triumph through this. You deserve love and happiness! Thanks for reading my rant!