this might have little to do with depression, but im so hateful. im envious of people that are pretty and happy, people that can find joy in their daily life. people that just feel good so easy, that can get up and have energy to see friends. im angry im not them. im angry im not happy. im angry that i dont have the energy to even TRY being happy, to TRY doing the things that normally do bring me joy. i cant create anymore without my own expectations making it impossible to do anything but lay in bed, the anxiety of how much energy itll take to be around my friends and if they secretly hate me and if id just be happier at home.