if i could remove my brain and juice it, i would. nothing is more exhausting than waking up and immediately thinking about a traumatic memory. my life has been pretty bad until recently, but i dont want to remain in a victim mindset because its exhausting, bad things happened and thats okay, good things are happening to me now. i recently got accepted into a publication program with a 5% acceptance rate, i got a job and im moving to a new city, etc. so, why is it that even though my life is improving, i am still constantly depressed and looking for reasons to justify my feelings? its so frustrating and awful. i also tend to delegitimize the things i work hard for and i dont know why. if i accomplish something i detach my merit and completely attribute it to luck or pity. i am so sick of feeling this way and i want it to end but i dont know how to break these patterns