It's been a long time since my last update. So I guess I'll post a new one. My last post was about 8 months ago, and I was in a bad place then. 

I have since learned I suffer from Complex PTSD, which can manifest itself as bipolar, borderline, and unipolar depression with anxiety, in addition to typical PTSD symptoms. Once I learned this, everything started making sense. 

Of course, I have gone through pretty bad relationships since then, I still don't really have close friends, but I'm closer than I was before. I'm still in pain, but I'm not living alone anymore, even though it feels like it sometimes. I still don't have a great relationship with my parents. 

I have a job now, and I love it. I just wish I had more hours, or got paid more, because I can't really keep up with the bills on my own. 

I still don't have a girlfriend, and I'm still in pain over the same girls from over 6 months ago. I am now fully aware of this pattern and am trying to stop myself from obsessing over a girl. 

I'm still trying to quit porn, but I've made a commitment to myself to succeed this time. 

I'm taking summer classes so I'm still in town. 

I'm in college, btw. Rising sophomore. 

I'm closer to a family now than before. I go to the Auburn Christian Fellowship which is another Christian group, and I really enjoy their company. I also like my roommate, most of the time. 

I'm a lot more spiritual than I was 8 months ago. I've also gained some weight. My face has cleared up a little bit, since we no longer wear masks, but I still have pretty bad acne just from the immense amounts of stress I go through. 

I'm also in therapy consistently now. It's just talk therapy, and I feel like I'm not making too much progress, but I've gotten a lot better since I started. 

I'm eating a little better now. I still don't eat 3 meals a day, but now that I have a kitchen I cook most of my meals. There are some days that I don't eat. 

I still don't have a workout routine, but I will in the fall. Even though I work at the rec, unless I'm a student for the summer, I can't work out here. I think it's dumb but whatever. 

Overall life seems to be a little better. I'm still in a lot of pain all of the time, but I have started breaking down occasionally, which I think is my body grieving everything that has happened to me.