Hi everyone,  


It is my first post for that topic. I don't know why I write it but I have to tell someone and here I'm  anonymous.  Less than an hour ago I try to kill myself by hanging with a pair a sheet.  I felt myself leaving but I loosened the knot at the last moment.  
I suffer from depression for more than 6 years know but it get worse and worse every year. My last attempt was last year, with the same protocol.   
   
To introduce myself, I'm a 26 yo male living in France. And I have suffered all my life from my insecurities. I'm 5'5, ugly (I think I am), have a big nose and a receding hairline. Plus I have a stuttering syndrome since childhood which makes me a very shy and introvert person. I have a very low self estim and I often lack of confidence in my life. I often overthinking and have dark thought, which paralyzes me and prevent me to enjoy my free time.

I struggle to find a girlfriend (I only have one in all my life, and she left me by ghosting me after 4 years of relationship).   


I have friends thought, and a family. I know there are people who really loves me but I never told them about my pain. Ther reason why I'm not dead yet is because I know my death would destroy my mother, and I don't want that.  


I always the sentiment that I'm gonna die before I reach 30. I'm sad. I want to cry but nothing comes out. I hate myself so much I want to kill myself.  


I don't know what I'm searching here by posting this but I assure you everyting I say is true and I'm not just looking for attention.   


Thanks to anyone who take the time to read this. I hope your day was better than mine.