Holding in a lot of ugly emotions and bad vibes in me. I really don’t want other people to feel it. I feel as if it’s uncomfortable, and no one needs it. 

They will try to help, but it just doesn’t make them feel better, bc I keep talking and bringing the mood down, bc I just have so many things bottled up. And they feels like they are not helping. I dislike to do that to them. 

I think it’s something that should be dealt alone. People have their own lives and worries to think about. The best thing for them is relieved stress and be happy. That’s why people have friends. Not to be more stressed out. That would be counterintuitive for me lol. 

Maybe that’s why I think of everyone as a “meh” bc I try to relieve their stress and I just don’t like to hang out anymore. It stresses me out when I can’t do anything about it. Why do I have friends if they are just meh to me

Perhaps I should say stuff more, perhaps I will like everyone more. I’m not so sure about it though. Revealing things scare me. Not so sure if they will run away, get really tired of me, or just make me feel bad. Rejection. Yes that. 

But when they pay attention to what I said. When people is just happy to take care of me or they do something nice out of their liking towards me. I cry. It’s too much for me to handle. Like, “ Wait, you actually like me? People like me?? You actually like hanging out with me?” Bruh that’s crazy 🤧🤧