In the past years I've always acted emotions, meaning that I knew in my head what the appropriate response to a situation should be, and acted like I felt whatever was necessary. It was entirely mental, though, and I got used to it. But tbh I wouldn't feel anything, neither good nor bad,  I was just numb the whole time and didn't care about anything. I even faked social anxiety to justify why I didn't feel like talking to anyone, and because I never have anything to say (I mean, I am shy but I don't have anxiety). And when I acted like I wasn't okay, it was just for attention or because I was tired of not feeling anything, not because I was sad or anything. Well, the only thing I felt was emptiness, but I guess that's like not feeling anything at all.

However, I know a way to really feel emotions, and even though it is not the right option, I like to do it sometimes because feeling sad is better than just feeling numb. So, after almost a month of not drinking, I was determined to feel again. So I got a glass of vodka, went to my room, put some sad music and started looking at pictures of my past two years. After a couple drinks I started feeling sadness and I cried (finally). I felt really disturbing emotions while remembering those two years, I felt the pain I didn't feel when the things happened. I got extremely depressed and really wanted to end it all because it was too much to process. (I had drunk before to feel sth but I never felt that much).

But the day after, I felt extreme euphoria for no apparent reason, and then depression again. Mood swings I think. I don't really know how to cope with this and I wanted to ask here if it can be a sign of recovery??