Hey everyone, I’ll try to keep it short but essentially my ex tells me she has a rather intense struggle with BPD and I’m not as knowledgeable about the subject as I wish I was. Throughout our 15 months together she would ask me when we would get married often during the last 6, when I finally said I would ask her this year she was ecstatic but then she ended up breaking up with me saying that she didn’t love me anymore and hadn’t for months despite her still asking about marriage and writing me love letters at the time. When I asked her why she got angry and to this day I still have no idea what happened. After a month of us being apart she hooked up with someone she knew through a mutual friend 3 or 4 times, I know this because she told me while she was balling her eyes out and apologising and saying she wanted to make herself ugly so it would never happen again and she was ashamed and begged me not to get with anyone else. One week later she sent me a message during a convo that read something like “you can hook up with whoever you want, you and I are never getting back together, I told you all this.” 

Likely needless to say; I have a lot of resentment for her now despite her being my closest friend for that period and visa versa. I know most of what I know about BPD because of things she had told me, but still I know I don’t know enough to understand how much of this zig zagging might be relatable to someone with BPD going through the motions and might help me understand what happened.

In full honesty this is a bit of a last ditch effort to try and understand where this might’ve come from, not for her sake but selfishly for mine. I hope there’s something I’m missing or just totally under-informed about in relation to how her struggle with BPD may have impacted our communication at the end. Any help, thoughts, advice, anything would be huuuugely appreciated. Thank you guys and hope everyone is keeping well.