just a little vent post i guess. 

i feel like i try so hard, *all the time.* i do all the "right" things that you're supposed to do. i go to therapy. i exercise 5 times a week. i eat vegetables, drink water, have a regular sleep schedule, hold down a full time job, pay my rent on time, go out with friends, journal every morning, read books from the library, call my mom once a week. 

from the outside, i even *like* the idea of my life! my dreams, goals, hobbies sound appealing to me on paper! and yet. things just don't *feel* easier. if anything the lows have only gotten lower over time. i'm in my 20s, i'm still so young. but after so many years i'm exhausted ... i don't know how much longer i can take this. no energy, exhaustion, this deep sense of grief and loss, unable to think straight, this general sense of disgust with every facet of life ... i feel like the world is trying to its hardest to spit me out. 

i don't know if anyone else feels this way. i just am looking for hope, but with every year that passes, i have less and less.