I recently cut off contact with my sister who has BPD because she lashed out at me when I couldn't "provide support for her", i guess. Honestly I don't think the why is even important at this point. It feels like we constantly just go through this cycle of being close and then nothing I do being good enough for her/her taking random things that I do personally, which causes tension to build between us until she finally makes some personal comment that is just too low for me to tolerate. Sometimes we don't talk for a few days, sometimes it's weeks or longer. If I'm being honest I feel better during the periods when we're not talking at this point because when we do talk I have to perform a certain way or she thinks I hate her. I understand that can be a symptom but it's also not my responsibility to manage her mental health. I'd like to cut her off permanently at this point but I know I'll still have to see her since she still lives with my parents and my family will pressure me into patching things up again.

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My family can't really cope with her either. My mom enables everything she does and my dad kind of just ignores her at this point. They both worry about her and used to go to me because they thought I understood her better I guess. At the same time they're kind of sick of her shit too. She'll start fights and complain constantly, worries my mom cause she'll constantly talk about her symptoms or how debilitating everything is for her, etc. She has no regard for the feelings, symptoms, or mental states of others. She acts like she has to be the most burdened, traumatized, abused, mentally ill, and helpless. Sometimes I would try to give her advice so she could learn to cope or to solve a problem, but it was like she would get offended and she just wanted pity. I used to empathize with her a lot more but I finally realized she's just being manipulative. I almost feel guilty saying that, because I know bpd is often vilified in that way, but she continuously uses personal things i told her to purposefully hurt me and this last fight she tried to suicide-bait/guilt trip me which is the final straw for me.

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Idk, I'm pissed right now but it's also really saddening because it wasn't always this bad. She's declining - her hygiene has gone to shit, she's frequently late for work, dropped out of school, has issues completing simple tasks, etc. And it seems like she's doing nothing except looking for people to enable her victim complex. Even if I truly hated her, which i don't, this has and will effect the rest of my family emotionally and financially. I'm frustrated and have no idea what any of us should do. It seems like no one in my family can help or even properly communicate with her. She refuses to be held accountable for anything and defaults to mental illness as an excuse for absolutely everything, even the mildest criticism will set her off about how much she's struggling, so no one even tries anymore and my family walks on eggshells. Is there a way to effectively deal with this or do we all just say fuck it and hope she figures it out?