Does anyone else have an impossible time knowing how to make decisions or how to feel about something; because one day you absolutely love something and the next day you hate it, so what’s the real feeling?

Like, do I really love my bf? Some days it feels like I do and I want to make a life with him, then the next day I hate him more than anything, and I want him completely out of my life. Which is the real thing? Does he actually care about me and I’m just being horrible on my bad days, or is he actually really distant and I just put him up on a pedestal on my manic days? Both feelings just seem SO REAL, I feel paralyzed. 

Should I stay in school, am I actually good at it or do I suck? Do any of my “interests” actually make a positive impact on my life? Do I really care about them or am I just being obsessive? Do I really love those new clothes/furniture/whatever or am I just being impulsive? 

Are any of my actions or feelings truly genuine or am I just stumbling through a series of my disorder making decisions for me, then immediately regretting them? There isn’t a single thing in my life that I feel consistently about. Especially not even whether I want to be alive or not. 

Is any of this fucking real?