Hey there, so I've started to realise that I maybe repress a lot of emotions, feelings and wants at certain times. An example may be, having been up all day and very able to stay up all night and the next because I'm so energised and I want to do this and that, only I'll force myself to go to sleep through various means. It seems to have been a life long pattern, only now I struggle to guard to 'bad' emotions and its the happy ones I refuse to let myself feel.

Using my example, my brain goes "we can't cope being awake for that long, the thoughts get too bad, it'll also mess up your routine and sleep schedule and then you won't be ready to do suchandsuch tomorrow".

Its as if I am so ashamed of how I feel, and it used to happen with the 'bad stuff' too (No one knew I had been self harming, or even attempted suicide, nor how incredibly depressed I was growing up until razors were found in my room). I don't actually have the energy to hide any of this stuff now, or I rarely do anyway.

Just wondering if anyone might have any insight? As I feel this may be hindering treatment however, I only stumbled upon this topic of 'control' in this context recently.