This happened again today. It’s happened after a long time. My medicines have been working or so I thought they were but turns out that my outbursts are less frequent but very intense when they happen. I got extremely upset today. Trying to explain my side of things to my partner . He’s been very self absorbed in his own life and I always have to come beg him to understand me and see things from my perspective . It is EXHAUSTING. I feel so fucking demeaned , it’s been three years of this.  
And today I just lost it . I got so tired of explaining things that I started hitting myself and had to be restrained in order to stop. I don’t know what to do now because now I feel ashamed. EXTREMELY SHITTY.