She is so absolutely amazing and fantastic, but every time I have a burst of anxiety or depression, regarding our friendship, I can't help but wonder when will she finally have enough of me, when my thoughts and will all my thoughts will be finally enough to make her tired of being with me.

I hate myself so much, and I simply can't understand how I can feel that way while she cares and loves me so much. I keep thinking that maybe she is just trying to make me feel good, or not want to abandon me when I'm like that, even when she literally tells me she don't do any of that.

I think i would better understand her if she became angry at me and hated me and just left me alone. I wish she did. At least that way I won't feel like every word I say about myself and of how insecure I feel is like stabbing her, when she did nothing wrong and constantly tries to reassure me that I'm not hurting her.