TW: bodily injury 

I’m a cna, I take care of old people in a nursing home and I love them with all my heart. I was just going about my night putting literally the sweetest old lady to bed. 

Now this lady has been in and out of the hospital lately but she was finally back and settled in. I was helping her get into bed when her leg caught on the side of the bed frame and de-gloved part of her leg, a pretty big area. I mean the skin was just hanging right off and she started bleeding everywhere. This can happen to elderly people as their skin is very thin. 

I was shocked and immediately panicked and got the nurse. I told the resident she’d have to go to the hospital again and she was really upset. I know it was an accident but I feel AWFUL. I became a mess, crying and having a full on panic attack. 

Well, the pressure of 10 other residents waiting for me to put them to bed and my coworkers looking at me like a crazy person for freaking out so much set my anxiety into high gear. I felt like I was in a dream like state. I hide my mental illness extremely well day to day and I felt so exposed just freaking out like that. The more I tried to will myself to calm down, the worse it got. I took several breaks to try to calm down but eventually just told the nurse I need to leave. 

I know they’re all talking about me in there. My reaction was totally over the top. I’m a kickass cna (been one for 5 years) but this has me questioning things. If I can’t stay calm in a crisis, should I really be working with these vulnerable people? I feel awful, I got more upset than the resident and it feels like I totally made it about me. Why can’t I just be normal?