Summer 2020 through Summer 2021 was a really good time for me. I started to struggle with my depression around Fall 2021 and an event in early January 2022 really exacerbated my depression. Last night I had a very vivid dream about what I had during the time I was truly happy and felt good about where my life was headed. These dreams are nothing new but the disappointment is soul-crushing every time I wake up.

There's a scene in the movie *Black Pond* in which late one night a man asks his wife:

&gt;Would it be better to have a really godawful, soul-shattering nightmare and then have the relief of waking up and it's gone? Or would you prefer to have the best dream in the world, ever and then have the  disappointment of waking up to this? 

As much as I've thought about this question throughout the years, I've never had an answer until recently. I would gladly take the former over this and I would give anything to have my happiness back.