It sure does feel like the end of the world and I want to snap out of this feeling but I can’t. I’m 19f and recently my mom attempted suicide with me on facetime. hours prior on that same day, I found out my boyfriend/fiancé has been cheating on me via social media and dating apps. we live together because it isn’t safe for me to live with my mom. she told me on the phone that I may as well kill myself because in 30 years i’ll be exactly in her position. 

it’s been a few days now and i’m still living with my boyfriend. we’re not officially “broken up” but we both know we are, we just haven’t really talked about it yet. I was planning on moving back in with my parents, but my older brother told me it’s not safe and that I need to figure out how to make it work on my own. it doesn’t help that I don’t even have a car of my own, I use my boyfriends. 

fuck, this shit hurts. so much more than I could ever imagine. it’s clear that my boyfriend is a narcissist and he took advantage of the fact that I fall in love so deeply. I take everything to heart and am always mindful of other people. 

I know my mom is going through a lot and I hate to say it - but I always see the good in my boyfriend and it hurts to think that his words were all fake. everything was a lie. for these reasons, I feel so guilty for being sad. I keep forcing myself to cheer up around my mom and my boyfriend as if they both didn’t just cause me to spiral. I wouldn’t ever place any blame on my mom if she came to me in a loving way with all this, but she purposely OD’d on the phone with me because she said she never wanted a daughter and hopes I never have one. she kept saying I make her want to die and that i’ll be so much better without her here. it sucks because we always had a loving relationship and through all the trauma and abuse she’s put me through, I kept loving her. same with my boyfriend. 

I don’t make enough money to live on my own, I don’t have any friends that live close by, and i’m deteriorating so much that I break down at work everyday. it feels like the world is ending and I just need someone to tell me everything will be okay. I don’t know what to do, i’m so stuck and have nowhere to go. if you have any advice, I am all ears. thank you to anyone who reads this far down