TRIGGER WARNING: mention of suicidal thoughts i guess?

&amp;#x200B;

I know this sounds a bit mopey and self centered but its happened so often its hard to ignore. Sometimes things will happen so obscurely that it feels like god is purposely making these things happen. 

Several times when I was very depressed, I found many signs that told me to off myself. Whether it be  trying to communicate with people about my problems and somehow the internet going out at the same time, or several unrelated posts coming up about dying. Its happened so. often. I'll be at the darkest point and for some reason, the crisis line will take 20 minutes, none of my friends will be on, or maybe the self help website doesn't have anything resourceful.

I have found very few signs that have told me otherwise; for example the place i was deciding to off myself at, was recently filled in by houses; that which happened not long after I was deciding to die there. Another example happened, and it was something along the lines of my parents needing the object I was going to off myself with. 

Same thing with my anxiety. The worst possible things I could imagine for that anxiety scenario DO happen. 

I know I'm not special, nor am I the universes soul victim, but it just feels so coincidental. Maybe it is just coincidence, and I've been too blind to see it. Its just frustrating, because everywhere I turn It feels like theres a bad thing or sign coming this way.