The reason I have depression is because of that stupid word. I never was really alright, having suicidal thoughts since grade 5 and even almost attempting a few times. But this summer it became official. And all because of stupid “feelings”.

I had 2 situations this summer that could result in my future suicide. Firstly I found out that I will never have a girlfriend nor anyone who loves me besides family. I spent an entire week crying all the time thinking this because I had fallen in love with a girl and I knew I had no chance. To make it worse, all my pain multiplied a few weeks later. I had just barely managed to get over the other girl and this new one appears. We talk for a few weeks and finally I confess to her and she confesses back. I’m happy again.

I felt better than I’ve ever felt. I actually liked myself for the first time. Then the very next fucking day she takes it back and says it isn’t a good idea and ends up ignoring and ghosting me. That is what sparked it even further. I started taking antidepressants because it was so bad and up to this day 5 months later I feel the exact fucking same. I just fell in love again with another girl who I don’t even know her name recently and I legit want to fucking die. I have no friends to support me and I don’t talk about my life to my family. I can’t stand the fact of being alone forever so I’m going to kill myself.

I decided this girl will be the last chance. If my mentality gets shredded again it’s done. I’m resting my life on fate.