I used to post a lot of nudes to reddit on an alt, and it got me a lot of really weird and creepy PMs. Most of them weren't anything to write home about, but some of them, despite being very clearly bad to be subjected to, I kind of liked? I wouldn't respond most of the time cuz I knew they'd veer off into the territory of fetishizing creeps, but I really liked the attention and feeling like people found me (or at least my body) attractive.

I've mostly stopped since my HRT (I'm trans, which further added to the fetishizing and all the weird feelings to do with those messages) has dropped my libido a lot, and I don't often feel in the mood for the sexual aspects of that as much anymore, but I'm realizing I really miss the attention that came with them... I liked knowing strangers found me attractive and wanted to do sexual stuff with me, even if I wasn't remotely interested in them. Honestly, I did it for the reactions more than anything. Even if I found it creepy or boring, a positive response was a positive response. A lot of them honestly bordered on sexual harassment, and as much as I didn't like the actual experience of it, the fact that someone thought of me like that was... weirdly nice.

I feel really weird about wanting this when it was kind of objectively awful, but I've been craving more and more validation of late, and my rose tinted memories of that are making me want to go back to that. Is that weird of me? Is it bad? IDK. Ugh.