I probably think of suicide every day for the last few years but dont go through with it because I don't want to fuck up my family. if there was a way for me to have just never been born I'd take that option. life feels like hell and I'm alone, it hurts to be awake and sober. I stopped caring about my health and my job and friends. I used to play guitar but don't even enjoy music anymore. I'm at the point where I think I should sell my guns to avoid the temptation.