i fucking hate being angry. i hate wanting to cry in front of everyone so someone can give a sliver of a shit about me but then don’t ‘cause it’d be embarrassing to cry for no reason. i hate how i’m fucking numb a lot of the time and how i don’t feel like i’m apart of what’s going on ‘cause i’m just not real. i hate how i wonder about what my peers would think if i just killed myself one day. i hate how i thought my suicidal thoughts were gone and now they’re fucking dragging me down. i hate how aware i am about my emotions which lead me back to this fucking cycle of not being able to feel. i hate how the person talking is me but not me at the same time. i hate how i can’t reach out to anyone. and i really fucking hate how i WANT to be traumatized enough that i’ll actually kill myself. fucking hell