CW: dogs being put to sleep 



So I’m a canine behaviourist for a charity and we often have to put dogs to sleep since we take anything, so this would include dogs that were seized by the police for aggression, but also dogs with behavioural issues that might take a while to find a home. I don’t believe in PTS for behaviour when the behaviour is manageable, but people argue in favour of it due to risk with rehoming them. Anyways, when they are PTS, I try to completely detach myself from thinking about it or them. For example, a big bully breed came in that the police were involved in and she had to be PTS. I had to be there for it to assist the vet. I’d never met this dog before, but this is a good example because it’s what my brain does and why I try not to think about the dogs I do know that are PTS. I kept thinking about the life she could’ve had, like ohhh she could’ve been sleeping by a fireplace right now, I just make up these scenes in my head where the dog is happy and then I cut back to reality where the dog is dead. I feel like it’s better to not think about them because I know I’ll do this and I’ll be inconsolable. Like, I can’t do anything to change the decision no matter how hard I try, it’s going to happen, thinking about it will only make me sad…so why think about it? When I start to, I just stop myself. 

But I also know it’s bad to repress emotions like that. But why should I allow these thoughts into my head when they’ll only make me sad? I still fight every day to help as many as I can, and I will leave this charity as soon as I’m able to, but yeah. I’d rather repress the thoughts because I make it worse for myself.