I’m not really looking for any advice, just mostly needing to vent because I don’t have anyone to talk to right now &amp; am trying to make myself feel better. 

I have been really struggling the last few months with out-of-control anxiety &amp; what I also assume is depression (possibly caused by the anxiety or maybe just a separate issue?) I’ve dealt with anxiety &amp; depression on &amp; off over the last 14 years, where I go through periods where things are good &amp; then when things get bad I go see a psych &amp; get on meds. I’ve been on 300 mg of Wellbutrin for the last 2 years and while it worked for awhile to curb my anxiety it doesn’t seem to do anything for me anymore. I’m afraid to drive, have panic attacks whenever I do simple things like grocery shopping &amp; just feel exhausted &amp; unmotivated most of the time. I keep having these gagging/extreme nausea fits when I eat or drink, or when I’m out in public &amp; it is awful. And the feeling &amp; thought of choking when I eat &amp; having trouble swallowing. I’ve gained weight because I mostly feel like sleeping &amp; eating. Because of the weird swallowing thing I’ve been avoiding foods that require more chewing &amp; eating mostly junk &amp; that combined with no motivation to prepare healthy meals have led to the weight gain. And while I don’t feel like eating healthy I’m very anxious &amp; upset about it. I used to want to leave my house and now I don’t go out unless I absolutely have to. Everything just feels like so much work. I feel bad all the time. The past couple days were the absolute worst, I felt like I could crawl out of my skin, had the most uncomfortable unsettled feeling that no distraction could take away. At one point I contemplated taking leftover muscle relaxers just so I could fall asleep but knew that’s a slippery slope so I didn’t. 

I know I need to call my psychiatrist but I can’t bring myself to do it. Maybe you know what I mean, but I know it will be this big emotional ordeal and I’ll spend most of the time crying &amp; not making sense &amp; I don’t want to go through that, even though I know that’s the first step I need to take in order to feel like myself again. I would not wish this feeling on anyone, it really sucks.