Everytime we have a disagreement/argument/fight/whatever, I feel like my default is to want to throw it all in. Say the most hurtful, spiteful things. Make them feel like nothing. Make everything explode in a shit storm of rage. And in the moment those emotions feel so very *real* and like I'm going to burst out of my skin if I don't act on it. Because I don't want to lose my relationship, sometimes I Just have to bottle it all up in my head and I imagine (vividly) everything I would say and do and ohmyfuckinggod I'm going to lose it soon.