so, my boyfriend and i are like on a break. we agreed we'd remain exclusive to each other and not do anything with anyone else. the break was for his mental health. and i was so proud of myself for how i was handling it, because as i'm sure many of you know bpd + really any form of break up = not good. then two weeks in, he stops texting me. and i'm like "okay it's fine don't worry it's his mental health he's gonna text when he can" but it's been 8 days now.

and i also have ocd so ofc when he stopped viewing my snap story, wasn't ever online on discord even in class (he normally is for class), wasn't playing any steam games, etc i started getting convinced he died somehow. for days going back and forth between "he's dead" and "it's just mental illness" until eventually he played a game on steam. so while i'm fine cuz he isn't dead, now i just feel ignored.

i told myself it's literally nothing, it's his mental illness, this happened once before and it was fine. now, the part i'm not super happy about. i needed validation that he was for sure on his phone. so i went through his "following" list on instagram. i just kept clicking profiles and i found one that posted only a couple hours ago and he liked it. my brain decided then it was going to spiral and convince me he liked that person and was ignoring me for them. while i've talked myself out of that i can't stop the intrusive thoughts and frequent images i'm getting of him cheating on me.

i don't know how to get him to text me so i can just have some relief. idk what to do to stop my brain right now. i'm struggling.