I did not end 2018 on a very positive note. This was my first new year's with my bf(and fp) and I wanted so badly to do something nice with him. But he rejected all my ideas and said he doesn't care for new years and doesn't wanna do anything. I ended on going to bed alone, sleeping through midnight and waking up alone. I feel so hurt. I thought he would care more about my feelings and at least try to do something with me. This is the first new years I ever had where I did nothing. And the first one with the love of my life. I don't know how to feel. I'm just splitting on him a lot, I feel disappointed and frustrated and neglected. I haven't self harmed in like 3 weeks but I feel the urge so strongly. I don't feel hopeful about this year at all. If this is how our relationship is going to be, I see no point in anything.