I'm a teenager. And, I think that there's something really wrong with me. Like, I've got everything. There's no trouble in my life. But, still I'm depressed, introvert and I don't know what. My family thinks that I don't want to spend time with them, intentionally. Even though I try my best but my lack of social energy doesn't allow me to. I've had a few crushes before. But, I've never been able to confess or even get close to them, because of my social anxiety. I talk to myself, sometimes I talk to my reflection in the mirror. Sometimes I get those evil vibes.. Like, I've never thought of killing myself, but I've thought of killing others. Like, I've made never murder plans but sometimes I just imagine myself killing others and it gives me pleasure.. I think I'm crazy.. I want to read books and watch movies about these crazy people. However, I can't because my parents won't allow me to. And I can't buy a book or watch a movie without my parents' consent. 

All this started when lockdown started. Covid is probably responsible for doing this to me. I literally spent about a year in my home. Without going out for a second. Yes, that's true. Because all the necessary things were provided by my parents, I never really needed to go out. And, my parents are overanxious about corona, that is why they never let me out. I was okay before this covid started. But now, I'm completely messed up. I'm afraid about the thought of staying at home for more than a day. And if I do, I start becoming sad, angry, about nothing. 

I can't go for a therapy because my parents won't understand it. And I don't want to tell to them bout this too.