Alright this will be my first post on here , but I felt like this would be the community to turn to so I guess I should give some foreground ,
 my whole life I’ve been kicked down , both my parents gone from my life (not dead , but not there ).  , started skipping school and doing drugs and drinking very young. I’ve always felt like I’ve had multiple personalities , but I figured because I was diagnosed with adhd when I was really young that was why , my mom refused treatment so ive never been treated for that . I started dealing with depression at 9 , suiciad thoughts started coming when I was about 11... When I hit about 16  I was in a controlling relationship and developed anxiety , my partner told me he liked his girls a certain way and I just doubted myself and got a low sellf esteems . I am now 20 yrs old , I had a breakdown  about 7 months ago and shaved all my head ... I feel like a horrible person because I have a SO and  like my moods are constantly changing but I feel like I have an imbalance because no matter how hard I try I physically just can’t stop it from happening I’m irrational , I can’t hold a job because I have constant paranoia when I am working and I’m so disaccoatied from the world it’s so hard to “act” or try being normal , I feel like everyone sees through it and that I’m acting . I know there’s people that love me but lately I’ve been having suitable thoughts and tendencies ..  I’ve gone to 5150 and they didn’t want to give me an evaluation because I had told them I had a job but didn’t know my insurance ... I probably should have said I have medi-cal because that’s probably what I’m going to have to get back on because I haven’t been showing to work so I’m probably fired ... I just want to feel okay and normal are there any resources for low income or how did you get diagnosed . ? I can’t go on like this much more .. I can’t sleep , I can’t eat ,