  I was abused for around half of my life and saw/experienced many traumatic things. I’m 28 now. In the past few years I’ve really started to get things together. 

  I used to be a lot more fucked up, for the longest time I went untreated because after leaving my abusive situation I just kind of spiraled, didn’t know what to do. 

  I’ve been going to therapy, getting better. I’ve actually done really well to not cut or try to kill myself, I’m 100x better than I was 5 years ago. But my gf and I recently broke up and I don’t have the means to fully support myself. I’m on disability and a few months ago I was diagnosed with chrones so I’ve been very sick. I don’t even have money to fall back. 

  It’s taken everything I have to not end it. I left home when I was a minor turn later experienced abused on the streets. I’m so scared, once again I have to restart my life. I haven’t eaten in a week. Partially because I’m depressed/chrones but mostly because I know I’ll have to get used to not having food. 

  I want to work so badly but I just can’t do the same as “normal people.” My best bet would be to go live with my stepdad and honestly I don’t know him that well or trust him. But then I’d be so secluded I wouldn’t even be able to get to a job even if I could find one to accommodate me. And I don’t know if I’ll be able to continue therapy. He’s also been to prison before. I’m not about that shit. I have a twin who experienced a lot of the abuse with me and he turned into a criminal. I try to avoid that at all costs, I’ve never been in trouble with the law and as I get older it’s something I’m more and more proud of. But I really don’t know this guy so the uncertainty of what could happen has me on edge. 

  I have a one way ticket to fly from out west back to Tennessee. I leave on the 8th. I just feel like I try so hard but it’s never good enough, something always happens. I had plans but in life but I feel like I’ll be dead before I ever see them realized.


  Any advice is appreciated, I’m at the end of my rope.