I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (21M) for 5 months now. The relationship has been very Rocky from the start but I really love him more than I have moved anyone else before. I should also mention that I have Boderline Personality Disorder which creates extreme emotional distress and allows for difficultly in relationships. I also have major social anxiety. A while before I met him I started a new job as a bartender. This job saved my life. I was depressed and I couldn't leave my bed for weeks on end. It took so much out of me to get me out of that space. It ended up being such a great experience because not only was I not in bed all day, I met a lovely group of friends that make my life worth living. I also recently moved out of my moms place and I am paying my own rent which is a place I never thought I could get to. My current job doesn't pay so well so I am under financial constrain often but I often make ends meet. He recently pushed me to take a new job that ways a lot better. I took it on partime whilst continuing to work my current job. The enviroment sparked so much anxiety in me which lead to a lot of panic attacks. He doesn't have BPD or SA so he doesn't understand why I choose to work in the enviroment I'm comfortable in even though the pay isn't as good. I dreaded going into work at the new place. My mental health deteriorated so drastically that I couldn't get out of bed. I eventually quit my new job the other day and I haven't told him because the work situation has caused so much tension and fights between us. I would like to ask advice on the matter. Am I justified to work at this enviroment I'm comfortable in for as long as my mental health can get better? How do I explain my situation in a way he better understands it?
(I should also mention, that I have lost 3 people in 2021 that were very close to me and my cat. It's been an emotional and difficult year ontop of all the mental issues I have faced for a long period of my life)