I don't want to act on them, I don't want to hurt myself (though the thoughts are strong), I don't want to hurt my mother. But I don't know how much longer I can handle this burden. So heavy, so constant, I get stressed, my mind goes to suicide, I have a tough decision I think of hurting myself. I get scolded at work (my boss is a jerk) I speak cruelly to myself to soften the blow. I've had these thoughts before, so strong, but I opened up and survived. My old counselor didn't report it, asked me how I planned to do it, and left the conversation at that. Had these thoughts at 8, 13, 18, 21, and at 23. I know I'm running out of gas, but it would break my family's hearts, wish they would just leave, but at the same time I don't want to be confronted by authorities, be admitted to a mental hospital, be looked at differently, admit that I might lose control, admit that it's more than I can bare. What would people think? Would they believe I was doing it for attention? Am I being manipulative to have these thoughts? I see him Thursday, if I make it, could have seen him tomorrow, but didn't want to be dramatic. What should I tell him? What could happen? What's the aftermath of revealing my struggles? Have you told anyone, how'd they treat you?