A few weeks ago I went on an airplane for my job (which used to make me SUPER ANXIOUS for hours on the plane), met dozens of people, stayed at a hotel, walked around a city by myself, took customers to dinner, and did a presentation. When I landed, I almost had tears down my face bc I was so proud of myself. I even doubted EVERYTHING about this job on the first day of travel but I fought through. I was and am very proud of myself.

Weekend goes and new week comes in, and I’m back to square one. I think I suck at my job, it’s hard, I’ll never learn it, I hate presenting, etc. The fear of failure paralyzes me bc I don’t want to fuck my family with bills bc of my anxiety. This job helps my wife potentially not work and I left my old job where I was comfy for a 57% raise thinking I could do this.

I get such bad anxiety about work. I fear I can’t do it. I get anxious when things aren’t perfect. I was a PRO at my last gig and now I’m with people where I got to grind and prove myself. Just wish my anxiety wouldn’t freeze me and wish I could “go with the flow.” I’ve only been in role for a month but already feel like I suck and honestly no one has been super helpful so I feel like I’m on an island wishing I didn’t leave my old job.

Anyways- fucking proud of myself for beating some anxiety but wish I couldn’t understand why I give so much of a fuck about work constantly to where it’s all I think about, dream about, clench my jaw, and have a gut anxiety bleh feeling all the damn time. I hate change and presenting so much