All it takes is someone saying things like "good girl", "you've done a good job", or something similar for me to crave and obsess for their attention and affection. I'm so starved of affection and praise that it's actually pathetic lmao. I crave praise so much that it hurts, and it's has been used against me several times. And then, don't even get me started on how being treated with basic kindness and care leaves me attached to that person like a leech.

Worse is that it wasn't even directly directed to me, but instead to a general audience that I am a part of. It was entirely scripted. But apparently my brain doesn't give a shit, and so now I'm sitting here upset because I will literally never know this person. I will never be able to talk with them, I'll never be able to meet them, I'll never learn anything about them. They'll never know I even exist, and knowing all of that has left me on and off crying and hating myself while simultaneously resisting the urge to self-destruct.