My bpd has been really out of control and my impulsiveness been making me do or think about things I wouldn’t normally consider.

I used to self harm when I was younger and the last time I have done it was in 2017. Lately I have been so confused with how I feel to the point of feeling like my bpd is winning.. 

I recently bought myself a semi colon necklace to remind myself of how far I came with my mental health but my mind kept pushing me to do it almost as if I “missed” the feeling of doing it even though I felt the fear of thinking about it.. but it has convinced me so good that after 4 years of not doing it, today I have self harmed myself..

I am so sorry..