so while i’m currently working on my behaviors, its strange that when i tend to have more self control around my FP, my self control with any other person in my life completely is negative and i’m lashing out at them instead of my FP… until i split on them but even my splitting on my FP (who is my husband) is getting much better but still seems to remain someway for other friends.

but i also notice that, since i’m spending all my time working on my relationship with my husband, i find that all my other friendships go down the drain. i’ll isolate accidentally by not responding to others because i’ll want to be around him all day or all night, and i’ll not respond to anyone or hang out with anyone else. and then times i do have free time, i seem to have no interest in wanting to be around my friends or enough energy to completely 100% care to keep up a conversation

now, i also noticed that i had a lot of other bad behaviors such as keeping people around in case my FP left me so i could get attention from somewhere else which seems to be the reason why ill go to another friend, or when i split on my FP i immediately could go to someone else. or currently me and my husband are in different places coz of his work, so when we’re out of a call, i immediately have to fill this with someone else.

now i don’t mean to write this to admit to purposefully manipulating to be evil or bad, but im not always aware of it as it seems unconscious and with good intentions to just not be alone but you know looking back at it i see how it is me attempting to fill a void

but i just find that as i continue to apply DBT skills and more, it gets better (slightly) with my husband and we’ll be smother but my splitting and actions will be 100% more amplified on other people who aren’t my FP/husband and then they feel like i’m ditching them because my lack of energy/willingness to respond or hang out wit them

i’m in my 20s and diagnosed 

does this happen to ANYONE else? delete if this isn’t appropriate mods