Hello. I think i have a little non-typical anxiety? Although I’m not sure, i don't know many people who struggle with it but whenever I look up online i never find anyone to relate to. This makes me in turn question if i really have anxiety or if I’m crazy. 

Most of the time the feeling i title 'anxiety' feels like this. I suddenly feel uncomfortable. Not in a sense that i feel I’m being judged but just inside i get a squirmy feeling. This makes me nearly restless and I usually get a physical reaction in addition to that. It's usually nausea or other digestive issues. I suddenly feel as if I’m not myself. I’m still able to think clearly and on the outside i may not come off as anxious even. I think I get a minor form of derealisation and depersonalization because I feel as if nothing is real even if I KNOW it's all real. Sometimes thoughts as such come across: if i throw myself off a bridge, not much will change (although i don't really want to die, these thoughts are reminiscent of obsessions and intrusive thoughts). The thoughts scare me and then I get even more 'anxious'. I have a fear that this feeling is forever. The worst thing is it usually lasts for a week or two. it's NOT an anxiety attack per say, it's a lasting feeling with fluctuations. Sometimes it goes away completely and then comes back. Usually I still continue with everyday activities, but the feeling is so. scary. I call it a 'dark' feeling. Or a 'negative veil'. That's what it feels as. Sometimes I get violent intrusive thoughts. And this feeling doesn't usually have an identifiable trigger, which is... i don't know, most people with anxiety can tell their triggers. For me it's just things that can cause intrusive thoughts, but the feeling can come even in peace. This makes me think I’m crazy insane or something. Although I try not to withdraw from social situations sometimes it's really hard not to call 911 because I’m convinced I’m going insane. 

No one ever described anxiety to me in a similar way. usually people say they are worried about others judging them. They are anxious to be socially awkward. But this is something completely different and it scares me so much (lol maybe because I’m going through that state right now).

There was a time when i was convinced I’m psychotic, schizophrenic or otherwise severely mentally ill, but psychologists say it's anxiety with OCD traits, but is it really? Is there anyone at all who relates? I can barely calm down right now:((