I thought I'd never post here again cause I became functional and better but it seems I can't escape pain and depression. I'm back in my dark corner, realizing that maybe my depression is permanent and only has one solution. Only one way, to set me free.

It's been a month since my narcissistic ex threw me away like I was nothing. I came across an old social media account she had, all my pain came back harder. I started to overthink and all of a sudden I have a whole anxiety attack.

I realize I will never be happy, till I'm gone. Today I see that I'm lonely, depressed and gonna get more suicidal. I don't know what to do for my mind to change. I lost myself during my toxic, traumatic and verbally abusive relationship. The relationship was the only thing I felt okay about until she changed.

And with all the pain, here I am going back and forth battling my mind giving myself reasons why it'd be better if I was dead. 

I'm in so much pain. The most pain I've felt probably in years. I want to try and fight but I've been fighting for 2 years, I'm tired of trying. I'm wasting my time.