Roughly last year I was diagnosed with bipolar 2 entering into my 30s. I was prescribed a mood stabilizers and have been lying to the psychiatrist about taking them. I didn’t agree with it and felt my major depression was just that depression. 

I have been trying to be very mindful since the discussion. Yesterday, my spouse and I really got into it from a question she asked. To the point I told her if I can’t make you happy then make the decision if you want to be with me or not. And I went into a rabbit hole about why we should be divorced. 

We have been together for 10 years and I don’t want to leave her. I spent the night just thinking of all the words I said and went off on YouTube to find funny videos. I woke up as if the discussion didn’t even occur regardless of how emotional I was.

I have known since I was 16 I had a mental illness with thoughts of suicide never leaving my head throughout my 20s. This past year has made me reflect a lot of my behaviors and the moment with my wife, I was ready to pack my bags and go. Now I am typing on this phone feeling completely lost and full of regret. 

For those of you who are married, have you ever dug yourself into a similar situation? How did you come out of it?