I don't want people to know I am depressed, I am a teenager and they would see it as an excuse to not study or do away with responsibilities.

I feel like sleeping and just disappearing from this world. I feel like a failure, I can't see a future. I cant talk to my parents. I don't know what is happening with me. I tried to paint and listen to music but it didnt do anything, i wasnt able to paint. I couldn't listen to music. I feel tired of everything and just want this to end. I am not able to study... I cry at the slightest trigger. Tho the crying has lessened a lot. I had some suicidal thoughts but i tried to talk them out with my elder cousin sister. Tho i know she would be busy and that i shouldnt bother her too much. 

I dont even know if i should seek help because i feel my parents would just shut it down.