I have BPD and the emotional highs and lows can be agonizing, but i never yell or name-call or become violent etc. Its always been more of an internal battle and i get more withdrawn/shut down than anything. 

i have been getting better and better and forcing myself to speak my thoughts and speak them calmly. He’s the type that needs to discuss everything until it’s “resolved” to his satisfaction. So I’ve been practicing my communication and have been really proud of myself for how i handle stress lately. 

However, my partner still refers to any of my negative emotions as “meltdowns” or “flipping out” etc. This isn’t an issue of self-awareness on my part—i am NOT having a meltdown. Tonight I got upset with him because he put a toenail clipping into a delivery food container that we were still eating from. i was shocked and told him it was gross and disrespectful because he didn’t put it in the trash or at least wrap it in a napkin and put it off to the side! He didn’t put it into the food, he just put it into the lid part that was open. He was defensive when i told him it was gross and i started cleaning up and clearing the table. I went to the bathroom and when i came back to the couch he asked “can we have fun now?” And i said “can you at least apologize?” He apologized and i asked him if he was apologizing because he understood why i was upset and was actually remorseful, or if he was doing it because he just wanted to “have fun now.” He said he understood but that he wished it didn’t “lead to a meltdown.” 

This is a recurring issue for us. Any sort of tension is exaggerated by him and it makes me feel like all my progress has been for nothing because he doesn’t recognize it and will only see me as having BPD. It feels like even when I’m doing things well, it’s just not good enough. 

Does anyone else in recovery feel judged by their partner? I know it’s common for BPD-ers to question the legitimacy of their own feelings but i wish i felt like my partner could provide me with perspective rather than bring me down.