All of us should be hunkered down in our homes right now. Shielded from the outside world that we would normally escape to on a daily basis. Or maybe some of us feel safer knowing that certain obligations are being postponed and are enjoying the peace and quiet.

I am one of the former.

I used to honestly think of myself as more of an introvert. But looking back on my life thus far, and knowing how I feel at this very moment, I realize that I’m actually more of an extrovert.

I’m not here though to look at my past life. I’m here to validate my feelings. This entire situation has got me down in the dumps for multiple reasons, most of which are very valid and I’m sure may be similar to yours. Feeling of insecurity from unemployment, feeling of frustration from not being able to find/shop for specific goods/services, or maybe even the feeling of “When will this winter end??”

Well, there’s also one other that I feel: trapped. I feel like every time I go into the store, I’m walking into a prison. Being told I have to wear gloves and a mask, being directed down the one way aisles and having to go 50 steps out of my way just to get personal hygiene items, trying to be respectful of people and stay 6 feet away while also resisting the urge to shove the person who stepped into my bubble into the shelf next to me... maybe a little harsh there.

I am all for safety, and I honestly go into the store wearing my mask and gloves, but I still feel trapped.

I chose to validate this feeling today because it takes me back to when my most recent relationship ended. It didn’t end in a pretty way, it wasn’t mutual at the time, and honestly it landed me in the hospital. I was there for about a week and a half until they felt I could cope on my own.

This isolation takes me back there. That’s what scares me more than anything. I hated that place. I needed to be there, but I truly hated it. I still have nightmares occasionally and this isolation isn’t helping. The isolation is actually making me think that the hospital might be a better place right now.

I don’t really know if this is the right place for this, but I just feel like I need to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading.