Reddit

So about a year ago, specifically August-October 2021 time frame, I experienced my first episode of what is now and ongoing problem I have dealt with on and off since. I am still trying to pin point what exactly is wrong with me, and decided that I might as well make a post to get some anecdotal data.

So I’ll start by stating as many symptoms of what I’ve been experiencing as I can think of at the moment, but take into account that not all of these symptoms were felt at the same time every time, but instead a random mixture of them. Sometime all though.
Brain fog, to the point where it’s hard to have simple conversations with others, let alone anything that requires me to recall something or articulate myself in any fashion. I have went through many phases where nothing interests me, not even going to the gym which has been my favorite hobby since I was 15. It became more of a chore. My confidence is in the trash can, physical and intelectual. I genuinely feel stupid when I’m going through one of the spurts. I seemingly am actively forgetting things that I have known forever and even find it harder to recall memories. Much less learn anything new. It makes it hard to do my job, and unfortunately I’m in the military and have no choice but to continue going to work. I seemingly forget how to socialize, making everything I do awkward. I lose all wittiness and sense of humor. I find myself staring off into space a lot with literally nothing on my mind. One of the biggest problems is I feel anxious around anyone, whether it be family, friends, girlfriend, stranger, coworker, literally anyone. Typically I am not this way at all, I can have good conversation with a stranger or someone I am meeting for the first time with little to no anxiety.

I’m going to stop there because I’m doing a really shitty job at explaining myself. 

But I experience these symptoms in spurts of 2-4 weeks sometimes longer, and then feel better or sometimes even really good for 1-2 weeks. Sometimes a little longer, each time has been different. Every time it has come on differently too, sometimes there is a cause for me going through a funk, but other times it’s like a switch. One day I’ll be fine and the next everything changes for no reason. I can’t keep going like this, I can’t set any ambitious goals anymore because I know I’ll just fall back into a funk and there’s no telling how long it will last. All the goals that I had previously have past, due to the constant mental issues I’ve been dealing with. My only real goal is to resolve this issue and go back to how I was the last 19 years of my life. Yeah sure I had ups and downs, but nothing compared to this. I feel like I could deal with being sad but my cognitive ability on almost every level I need it to function being obstructed is something I can’t constantly deal with. It has affected my career, my relationship, my friendships, and has changed me for the worse. I just want to go back to how I was before. I would literally do or try anything. I have seen 2 therapist and am currently seeing one but I don’t think it’s helping. I’m desperate. I have literally ruled out continuing my career in the military because of this. I can’t be a leader and be mentally unstable. There’s so much more to this that it would take me days to write everything. I don’t know if this really captures the severity of my situation, but it is the number one thing on my mind all day everyday and I can’t get rid of it. I live in constant fear that I will go back into a funk, if I’m not already in one. I will probably make another post eventually and try to make a more coherent post, but I want to make something in the meantime to get some responses and maybe some things I could do or try.