Whelp, shit sucks. I did something stupid the other night, I have no one to tell, and it keeps echoing in my head (title). I just want to stop ruminating about this, but I'm stuck in my apartment and don't have my usual support network. I have way worse things to be upset over right now and I could've written about those, but for some reason I'm especially upset about what happened the other night. 

(I think it's because I made an effort to feel better and it blew up in my face...yet another person expresses dislike for me. I wish this didn't hurt so much, especially since I adamantly dislike this person back. I guess it's just salt in the wound, as they say.)

Anyway, I'm hoping it'll be helpful to just get it all out there, so here goes nothing:

Against my better judgment, I went on a late night drive the other night with a pretentious dick I met off a dating app a few months ago. I've hung out with him before. We usually just smoke...and so that's what we did the other night.

Despite me telling him I felt like shit—which was really the only reason I reached out to him in the first place—he just talked about himself the entire drive. As soon as I got in the car I was immediately reminded of why I hate him. It was infuriating...like no amount of weed could've made that lecture sufferable.

Oh, and get this: he works as a low-level staff member at a youth inpatient psych ward (actually one that I was repeatedly held in when I was a minor) **and he never shuts up about how instrumental he is to the whole operation**:
&gt; My coworker complimented me on XYZ...my supervisor recognized me for ABC...our hospital is just so cutting edge...we have X procedure before restraining kids...blah blah "trauma-informed care" blah blah

I feel sorry for the kids that are literally locked on a unit with him and can't leave.

Anyway, as he was driving back to my place, rambling about mental healthcare and trauma, somehow he went on to say this dumb shit:
&gt; I think future parents should have to obtain a *license* in order to have children and unlicensed parents should have their kids taken by CPS.

I just about cut him off:
&gt; That's bordering on eugenics.

Instead of letting me out at my apt, he decided to drive around the block and condescend to me:
&gt; There's nothing wrong with moral standards that you have to pass to be a parent. I really think you should read X book. People have to get a license to drive, don't they? The same should be the case for parents. I *reallllyyy* think you should just read X book. Read X book and you'll get it :)))

Then with his face all scrunched up in a fake smile he leaned over and gave me the most patronizing hug. Unsurprisingly, I had a hard time keeping my cool:
&gt; A driver's license is not the same thing. Governing people's bodies is not practical or humane. Like China's one-child policy or forced sterilization during the eugenics movement. Also, you're basing your argument on a biased sample. You deal with traumatized kids every day and come from an abusive household [I know this because, as I said, he only talks about himself!] so of course you think all kids have it bad. Fact of the matter is, most kids don't and are better off with their biological parents. Your argument is trash

This certainly wasn't the harshest thing I've said to him but i guess context everything...and the context of this situation was his fragile-ass ego getting challenged. And, yeah, after saying some things I don't remember (angry &amp; high) he responded:
&gt;Get the fuck out of my car

I'll spare you the petty shit I shot back...but I do have some good news: I didn't self-destruct when I got back inside. I stayed safe, even though that was really challenging. I watched TV and focused on that as best I could, and I've basically been doing that since.

Okay, my math final is tomorrow, so it's probably time for me to go back to crying and watching TV.