People hurt me, but I don't want them to worry about how I feel, because if they knew how much they hurt me they would think that I'm a burden of their time. So i put a fake smile on.
I reassure them that's everything okay.
No, I'm not upset because you ignored my messages where I said that I've been raped. It's fine, I know you're busy.
Please, tell me more about this friend you spent the day with (while I was dying on the bathroom floor waiting for your reply), how are they? 
Yes, it's not that bad, I'm sick and I told you but you know what I'm like hahaha, please take care of yourself, it's everything okay?

People always think that I'm fine. I make them think that way, because I don't know how to communicate my feelings. I'm deeply convinced people would leave me if I did.
My stepdad used to threaten me he wouldn't love me anymore if I didn't do as he wanted.
I've been sexual assaulted by a very close relative who I still love so much.
I've been raped, but at this point I think there's something really rotten inside me and people should stay away because I don't deserve them.

I costantly try to seem okay, even when clearly I'm not, because I don't want them to go, I think they would leave if I din't act nicely, and I can't stop, I don't know how to express my feelings. But then I feel like nobody really cares.
This is my way to sabotage relationships.

I feel trapped.