For the first time in FOREVER, i have friends. some are genuine, some are just party friends, but this is something i haven’t experienced in ages. i’ve been out a lot the past couple months but in the past 2 weeks A LOT has happened for me socially.. i’ve barely been home. tonight i am splitting tho because i’m sitting here alone in my room extremely sad that i’m not surrounded by people. i’m really upset that i’m alone and i feel like (TW) dying. i know i don’t want to die, but i’m just feeling emotions really intensely right now. its making me sick, makes my brain hurt, i just want to cry. i can’t believe i’m no longer comfortable with being alone. i used to only have myself and i was 100% okay with it, but now its unbearable for me to be by myself. also sad because i’m telling myself that everyone i know is going to abandoned me and that i’m going to be friend-less all over again. i know its not true but i’m convincing myself it is. ALSOO sad because i recently met a guy and i am getting SOOO attached to him. i’ve only known him for 2 weeks and we literally had sex the first day we met. i am disgusted with myself tbh and so disappointed because i did that KNOWING that i get super attached. i know he isn’t thinking about me like i’m thinking about him.. it is so humiliating that he is constantly on my brain. i hate hate hate hate BPD i cannot believe im living with this i wish i was normal