I decided a long time ago that I don't want to be alive, and not much has changed since then. At the moment I'm doing nothing with life, and suicide is difficult because I'm being monitored by parents.

I don't want to go behind my parents' back and upset them, but I don't feel like doing anything else. As horrible as it feels to write this, I'm waiting for parents to die so that I can then die and finally leave this life I never wanted