I want to enjoy them. And sometimes I really do- there are days when playing with my friends and/or my bf is really the distraction that I need. But other times they just make me feel so much worse its like a gamble. Now im crying cause im stressed out and i just 

idk, i guess this is just a vent, im so sick of over-worrying and i cant even turn to my usual escape rn because its failing miserably