I wish my brain wasn’t like this, why does everything go to “I should just kill myself”. It’s like a never ending pattern, whenever something goes wrong it’s my first thought. I feel like everyone sees my how I see me. That I’m just a burden. 

Any small fight, obsessing over past texts or conversations, posting and taking down things on social media so I’m and so forth. No matter what it’s just another nail in the coffin. It’s just more reason why I am a burden to everyone. 

Everything is too much and I’m sick of that being my thought pattern. Why not figure out how to make it better? Why not stick it through dbt? I just wanna be someone else. I don’t wanna have the childhood I had, I don’t wanna collapse anytime something goes wrong. I don’t wanna die, but looking down the road and seeing that it’s just this shit for miles and miles is so daunting and too much. I know everyone would be better off if they never met me, I just bring drama and stress to everyone around me.