I’m too much of a monster to have any real connections, but that’s what I crave the most. I’m in therapy, but I feel like it’s no point. I have horrible mood swings and when I explode it’s bad.. I get why people avoid me , but it still hurts. I can’t keep a close friend or a partner and I can only blame myself. I just wish it was an option to forget these desires to be accepted by even a few because realistically I’m not sure that’s something I can have. 


I feel like if I were a building … I’d be demolished and built over instead of renovated. I hate being this fucked up. I want love and care but people constantly tell me that have to walk on eggshells around me and I don’t want that. 


I think that’s why I avoid dating , people never believe me when I say I’m a monster until they see it. See me deep in my anger … so I just avoid it. I don’t want to hurt people and that’s what anyone will get loving me