Over the years, I have heard time and time again that 'people with BPD do not have empathy'. 

I have being diagnosed for 3 years, and having 'no empathy' is certainly not my experience of the disorder. 

In fact, I would say I'm *more* empathetic than many of my non-BPD and NT friends. 

Case in point, someone close to me recently had driving lessons paid for by their mother as a birthday gift, and I had to keep reminding them to follow through with the lessons. In my head, I was imagining how their mother would feel having paid for all those lessons for nothing. They didn't seem to care, but I did. The thought of people going through so much thought and trouble to get someone else a gift they think that person will love, just to have the present unappreciated, makes me feel so sad.

Said friend has also turned-down visiting their mother at the very last minute just "because", and this has almost made me tear-up over the idea of their mother having being so excited for the visit and then having their hopes dashed... possibly even feeling lonely or rejected.

The thought of elderly people with no family left who do not receive any Christmas or birthday cards... That one shatters my heart. 

Imagining the absolute terror of those trapped in the Tower fire... those terrible calls to loved ones saying they didn't think they would make it. 

The kids at school who have no friends, who go home telling their parents that "nobody wants to play with me...". It makes me cry and want to pick that child up and tell them that they are special and amazing and loved. 

I don't think my emotions will ever get over the video I watched of a toddler girl listening to her dead mother's voice singing... 

Surely, if BPDs have no empathy then I wouldn't care at all about these things? Surely, I wouldn't start choking-up over a video about a dog being abandoned .. 

For me, I would describe my empathy as a switch. Most of the time, it's on. However, when I feel particularly hurt or betrayed by someone and I split, start thinking in black/white, that's when the empathy-switch just goes off. It just disappears and the rage and hopelessness is all I feel - like it's taking up far too much of my emotional resources to leave any room for empathy, it dissolves away, along with the happiness etc. 

Once I calm down again, my emotions go back to normal and I go back to feeling as I did before... it's like the sun is my empathy, but someone's it gets shut out by dark clouds and thunderstorms, but it passes, and the sun is still there.

Just wondering if anybody else has the same thoughts about their empathy. 

 