Sometimes I feel like my brain is a tightrope. It’s being pulled so hard it both directions and it’s so tense and high strung that eventually one day it’s just gonna snap. When it snaps whatever holds me back from doing whims or things I think about that my rational mind responds to with "no you idiot" is just not going to be there anymore: like straight up disappearing for a week, not moving from my bed all day, going out into the street and screaming at 3am, skipping school because I just don't feel like it, sometimes I don't feel like doing anything and I won't want to move or even talk and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy and want to scream and leave home in the middle of the night and walk forever. I can feel it slowly creeping up and getting closer and it’s really hard sometimes to keep the rope from breaking; one day I’m just gonna give up and I won't be able to control it anymore.

Right now I want to just stop doing everything, including school, and I cannot afford to miss more school. My rational brain stops me when I want to just not do anything or go out into the street and scream at 3am or skip school cause I feel like it but one day \[and the more I power through the closer it seems\] I’m going to be too tired, or too bored, or too annoyed, to stop myself anymore.

I'm not going to be able to handle it and the tightrope will break.