Hello. Forgive me for this long post and I appreciate anyone that takes the time to read.

I’m 25 male and for some years now I have felt like there isn’t something quite ‘right’ with my mental health and outlook on life and myself as a person. 

I have for a long time put this down to anxiety and depression which I certainly do suffer from but maybe there is more to it, upon reading about BPD

Insecurity and my ability to ruin relationships and self destruct aspects of my life is two of the biggest things I notice in life. 

Severe Mood swings, can get up one day feelings on top of the world almost can almost come across slightly arrogant to others, then the next feel depressed suicidal like I’m worth nothing etc very introverted 

Obsessing over self image, I am very self conscious over my appearance 90% of the time, I regularly go to the bathroom to check mirrors etc to just check how I look when out in social situations way more than what would be considered usual. This is particularly unusual because amongst friends, colleagues, family I am considered to be good or very good looking yet people have no idea how insecure I am about my appearance 

I abuse drugs and gambling frequently to escape intense boredom and feelings of emptiness. This spiralled into a cocaine and gambling addiction which I am getting help with but have still relapsed frequently 

Feelings of not knowing who I really am, my thoughts and actions can differ very dramatically depending on who I am with at the time, I feel like I have about 3 different versions of myself depending on the situation I am in and no real sense of ‘who I really am’

Intense feelings of feeling to be wanted/loved, becoming very strongly attached to girls that I date/meet and becoming insecure they don’t like me, I’m not good enough etc over time, and then acting irrationally and frequently ruining relationships due to this and abuse of alcohol drugs 

These are the things off the top of my head that are very noticeable aspects of my life day to day. I’m not sure what I’m looking for out of this  but some reassurance affirmation of I’m not alone I guess. Thank you for reading 
