My fiancé and I were engaged after dating for about 6 months and being in a committed relationship for 3 months. Yes I get it and yes we are BOTH impulsive, but I genuinely thought and still do think she’s the love of my life. 

After about 1 month of being engaged things started falling apart. She constantly thinks I’m going to cheat on her. I’ve never done that and I can say w certainty I wouldn’t do that. 

Extreme jealousy was just the tip of the iceberg, she also suffers from severe social anxiety and feels people are staring at her or are constantly out to get her. I try to reassure here without making her feel like her feelings are invalid. 

The worst part about it is her violent outbreaks. Shes called me every name in the book and She’s slapped me in arguments 4 times and she’s a small girl and it didn’t really hurt so at first I was like whatever after it became a pattern I put some boundaries in place and told her “if you are violent or verbally abusive again I’ll leave you”

One time I’d had enough and started packing my stuff so much that she flew into a rage, I had to call the police and had to lie to them when they arrived so they didn’t arrest her. She also got into it with them and I had to pull her away so they didn’t arrest her again. 

After I told my mom about her behavior who is and has been a psychologist for 30 years. She immediately said I wonder if she has BPD. 

She is aware and admits that she has anger issues and severe anxiety, but after reading and researching the topic I feel like my mom was right that she may have BPD. 

It’s not so much the anger, sever change in mood or the severe social anxiety that really drives me to suspect she may have BPD. It’s the thought patterns. When I read the threads of others that I’ve been diagnosed with it’s chillingly similar. 

I couldn’t figure it out until I started reading more into it. I wish I would’ve done so months ago when my mom brought it up. 

If anyone who was gone though this with a SO or been diagnosed themselves how do I help her get help and treatment. 

Bringing up that I think she may have it may be offensive for the valid reason that I’m not a professional but also she is extremely defensive and I can imagine how she’s react to this. It would be an all out personal affront on her character. 

I want her to get treatment and I want to stay w her and support her as long as she respects my boundaries, does anyone have any suggestions on how to do this? I don’t think just flat out telling her I think she may have it is a good idea, and I don’t think she’s being honest w her therapist either because she’s not comfortable with them. I’m really at a loss for what to do.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated