My entire life I’ve been depressed, but for me its been because of my family. I know I have a light in my heart waiting to ignite if I got my freedom.  Basically I come from a Pakistani family. I was raised in a joint family system and my uncles all sexually abused me and my little sister when I was 7. When I told my mother she didn’t believe me, she was terrified of my uncles and I suspect they must have sexually harassed her too. When I was 8 they told me that they’d never want me turning into a ‘free American whore’ so they planned on sending me away to get married at 16 in Pakistan (a country I’d never been too). I was yelled at for dumb shit like lying down on my belly to read a book saying, "don’t sit in a whore position".  When my little brother was born they all said, "one day he will grow up and beat you if U misbehave. I was always taught to be obedient and subservient to my father and be afraid of him. When I was 9 my father got into a fight with my uncles and we moved into our own home thankfully. After that growing up was tough. I was forced to wear a shalwar kamees and cover my head at an ALL WHITE MIDDLE SCHOOL. I got bullied like crazy and I decided I would take it off in the bathroom and wear a hoodie and sweatpants underneath. One time my father found out about it and threatened to kill me, my mom said she wished I would die because I betrayed the family honor. I still carried on not wearing it because I hated it with every bone in my body. But it was so hard keeping it from them and I really thought my father would shoot me if he found out again. I did this all throughout high school. Then my dad sent me to Pakistan for medical school, at an all girls school. We were starved, not allowed to leave, harassed by our teachers. I sometimes would not be able to come home for 1 yr. Anyways fast forward 5 yrs later and I’ve come home after graduating from that dreadful place with a medical degree and I’ve finally started to find a sense of myself. I have 2 yrs until I build my cv and become financially independent. When I came home, i found out my father reconciled with my pedophile uncle and invited him to LIVE IN OUR HOUSE. The anger and the pain I felt, I cannot describe. I had him kicked him out and told my father of what he did to us. My dad was angry and wanted to kill him but I talked him out of it. Right now I’m trying to build the life I want for myself but in desi culture a girl cannot move out until she’s married, so I have to put up with parents who force me to adhere to their super strict Muslim ways. One of the things I’m fighting them on is not being forced to wear a hijab because it’s been forced on my entire life and I feel suffocated by it. But regardless of my miserable existence I still have hope in my heart that one day l be free to live life as I choose. I’ve never shared  my life story to anyone, not even my high school friends but I hope anyone who has had lifelong situational depression will understand. (Ps, sorry about how long this post is)