Swinging so often between one emotion to another for years lead me to create a coping mechanism in which I invalidate my own feelings and associate all my feelings to my BPD; which leaves me wondering if anything I’m sensing is real. Like if i’m feeling sad i start questioning whether I’m really sad or is it a depressive BPD episode, and then i start convincing myself that it’s my BPD. Same thing with positive emotions. At the end, I never feel like I’m feeling anything “real” as if all of my emotions are invoked by my illness.
It’s hard to explain and I don’t know if anyone else would relate but it’s so draining and confusing. 
I need to know if anyone feels this way too