Pre-context: 18 year old guy with BPD. Diagnosed late last year. But I've been spiraling into deeper and deeper sadness for the past 3 weeks because I have had no meds. I've been getting worse and have used weed for the first time and it's been really bad. I also cut myself for the first time in a long while.

# **25th January:**

After a really bad week, I'm feeling very down. I have 3 people I trust to talk to. 2 are from a different time zone but it leaves just the one that I trust the most. We've been through thick and thin, we've helped each other with all sorts of problems but our friendship had been tainted recently by me discovering she had been lying to me.

We talk about our issues and we end on mine. 

# **26th January:**

I send the customary good morning at the time I normally do. No response. Leave it a bit. Wait till night and say good night like I normally do. I give her the benefit of the doubt because it appears as though she hadnt been active at all. 

# **27th January:**

Send a good morning message again. Still no response. Absolutely nothing. But this time I can see that she's been active. I think this is strange cos normally she atleast makes up some bullshit excuse but not this time. Just completely ignored. I'm already feeling like absolute shit but this is the final nail in the coffin. I'm hating everything already but this is beyond bullshit. But I have an idea. I'm gonna leave her and see if she even says anything back. Or notices that I'm gone.

# **28th January:**

No message still. But no activity on Discord. But a hell of a lot on reddit. Posts, comments, pictures and everything else possible. But nothing for me. Somebody she has called her 'best friend'...

# **29th January:**

Still nothing but I can see she has changed her name on Discord 3 times in 4 hours. I give up. I was there for her when she needed help. Got her past her night terrors, helped with her dysmorphia, dysphoria, friend issues and stuck with her after I found out she had lied to me. 

It's leaving me in a much worse place than before because now it's just compounding. I've cut myself again, not washed or taken care of myself, can't sleep for shit and cant cry without it hurting my eyes anymore.