I have hung on to hope for the longest time. I have not had it easy. I was in a long term abusive relationship and I feel so bad for the damage that it caused on my children. I was injured a few years ago and I'm unable to work and I'm living on disability. I'm taking care of my kids to my love and they are the only reason why I'm still able to keep going everyday.

Six months ago I found out that my only friend my best friend my boyfriend was cheating on me. Other than my kids he was all I had.

I don't have much hope for the future I hope that I'll be able to be financially stable enough to watch my kids have kids and me and Grandma. I don't know though I feel like I rather just get cancer and then have them tell me I have a year to live and then I could be happy. I could just love on my kids and make it good for them.

I know that is incredibly selfish.. And that makes me feel even worse.  But I am done being sad.

I have no thoughts of suicide ever I could never do that and I would never want to but cancer would just be an easy way out.