Hi guys,
I just need to get something off my chest. I've been on meds for about three months now and they really helped me. I could see my behavior changing and me kind of seeing clear again.

What happened today though, just let me down and brought all of my suicide tendencies back. I didn't take my medication for two days because I didn't have it anymore and I had to go take it. Without it I felt like I couldn't even leave the house. Suddenly, I just felt triggered today and in the moment of anger and helplessness I took a razor and just cut my thigh. I cut it everywhere, until I literally couldn't feel anymore. I cried all night. I just want all of this to end.