I'm 17 right now and in college, and this is probably the happiest I've ever been in my life. My mum was in hospital with cancer while I was around 8-10 years old, then my dad died when I was 12. Up until I finished school last August, it felt like my entire life had just been a blur of terrible anxiety and depression, I had self harmed lots and attempted suicide a few times.

I'm about five months into college, and I have had the most amazing time. I've made so many friends and I'm doing subjects I love and I'm proud of my work. 
Of course, I still have problems - my mum's cancer came back recently and while we were told she is going to pull through, she is having chemotherapy which is difficult for us financially and emotionally. 
Also, I have always been a high-achiever academically and I have severe anxiety over exams and getting the best grades (and just anxiety in general, which I've suffered from my whole life).
But despite all that, I'm really really happy, I feel like a functioning human being and I have goals now and friends and hobbies, and I'm so much more confident and healthy.

But now I'm absolutely terrified of losing this. I'm so scared about the future, I'm worried that I'm not enjoying the present enough and appreciating what I have now. What if this is where I peak? I've never felt this happy before, surely it won't last forever.
I think that after my dad passing away, the fear of losing things has become more apparent in my life. Sometimes I feel like I'm doomed to end up back where I started after he died, and that when I finish college my friends will leave and I'll be alone again.

I want to at least make sure I'm enjoying everything I have now, but I don't understand how to do that?? I always hear people say to 'make memories' and that kind of thing, and it makes me feel pressured to do more, like I'm not 'enjoying' it enough. It doesn't help that I've been affected by memory problems which have slowly been getting worse, and I'm worried I'll forget all these good things that have happened.

I've been taking lots of photos, just whenever I'm happy, to make sure I don't forget the feeling. I'm so so scared that when this is all over, I'll go back to how I was before I started college. I don't know what to expect in the future, I feel happy now but I worry that getting older will just bring more suffering.

I'm sorry this is so long and difficult to read. If anyone has any experiences which are similar, or if anyone knows how getting older feels and has had this type of anxiety when they were my age, please tell me about it!!