My ex (my FP I guess) hasn’t messaged me in 5 days. Last week they basically ignored me, after being the one that initiated conversation. We decided to stay friends after breaking up 3 months ago. The first month was them in denial about us being broken up and messaging me a lot. We stopped talking for a few weeks because they needed a minute to reassess and face things. They came back and told me they wanted to be friends, actual friends. I said I wanted to too even though my gut told me I should just ghost. Ghosting or saying I don’t want to be friends is what I should’ve done two months ago because I’d probably be a lot more over it by now. Up until last week they messaged me every day or every other day. We were just having conversation, exchanging memes and stuff. Suddenly two weeks ago they “forgot” to reply to a message I sent. I was trying to reach out more since they usually did the initiating and that’s what I get in return. Just my luck. I got triggered as fuck (being ignored: big trigger) I can’t lie but I kept my rage to myself. A couple days later they text me, I reply, but they don’t reply back.

It was very out of character for them so the next day my dumb ass messaged them on snap asking if they were getting my text messages. Of course they were. I was being ignored just like I had suspected. I only wanted to know what was up with that, especially after learning my worse fear, so I tried to end the conversation but they pulled me in and asked how I was. So of course I asked how they were, which is what I was trying to avoid because they just spent the last few days ignoring me, probably busy with someone else. I didn’t want to chance having to hear about it. And what do you know, the first thing they mention is that they’ve recently gotten “really close” with someone and that they’re staying with them, and their life is so busy recently and they’re just all over the place. Honestly I feel dropped like a hot fucking potato. 

I should’ve just bailed when I told myself that’s what I should do. What hurts the most though is that I’ve been there for the past 3 months listening to them vent about their life and just being a good friend and they’re going to just ditch me like this? They know about my abandonment issues. It’s not on them to appease me but damn... why did they have to do it like this? Why did I have to be fucking blindsided? I’m sitting here with no one but they have someone. Hell they’re even living with them apparently. I feel like I’m being officially replaced. It hurts, and it makes me kinda mad. I just feel sick when I think about it. I thought we would drift gradually, not like this. I’m not going to reach out anymore because it seems clear that they’re not interested in talking to me for some reason. If they were even thinking of me they would’ve sent a meme or a text or a snap, like they’ve been doing. But it’s just radio silent. I almost feel like I did something wrong? 

The reality of it is hard to face because I realize I’m not that important to them anymore. Which is the one thing I feared the most throughout our relationship when they got close with others. My suicidal thoughts are through the roof crazy and my antidepressant seems to be making me feel worse, so much that I’m afraid to take another pill. I just can’t be happy or okay. I feel hopeless as fuck and the meds also have me crying at just the thought of this situation. I’ve got other issues besides this so it’s so annoying for this person and this situation to be on my mind depressing the fuck out of me on top of that. This shit hurts.

My only other friend hasn’t reached out to me in almost two weeks so I feel like I don’t have anyone the past few days. My friend is going through her own stuff so I understand. I’ve been checking in on her and chatting with her every now and then and I kinda expect the same from her but I’m not getting that. They also have their own close friends, people they actually see every day so I’m just here kinda slowly being forgotten until I’m randomly thought about I guess.