I can't leave my place until it looks a certain way even if it means scrambling before work because certain things need to be organized. I'm not a neat freak by any means but things to need to be presented appropriately.. it makes me feel accomplished/relaxed. And when a guest arrives, there's no rushing to get the place sorted.. it's already sorted. Just broom and dust.

I love animals so this is a bit contradictory. When I visit people, like today even, when I get home I'll be covered in dog or cat hair and I don't notice it until I get home, but when I do, it just  triggers me. I'll strip down and immediately throw the clothes in the wash and shower and change. But I don't mind before this, I'll just love on the dogs... black dogs I'm okay with, I guess because their hair is less noticeable on my clothing. If I visit my girls outside, I have my chicken apron to prevent messes, but somehow birds trigger me less because well, they're outside, so their feathers and mess stay outside and not in living spaces.

I was meaning to get a persian cat, and sometimes I still think about it, but when I remember all of the hair everywhere and hair even blowing in the air... that desire fades away pretty quickly. They're absolute love bugs and dolls and require a lot of work, but it's the long hair that is hard to remove that turns me off. I feel kind of repulsed when I see long hair cat all over furniture but I love animals. 😅 I'm prepping up a fish tank and getting a giant betta fish.. they're super friendly, hypoallergenic, aquatic puppies and their mess stays in the tank.

Also, I'm not exactly sure how to reject a party invitation. I feel guilty because one of the ladies lost a child, and it's expected we all show up as a means of support. I'm worried about covid, even though I'm vaccinated my immune system is compromised and being overtly cautious. I could go next year, but I don't know how to reject without seeming like a jerk. I haven't gone out at all this year with other people unless it was to work, or walking with one other person who's vaccinated and lives a similar lifestyle (reclusive, immunocompromised.) This includes eating out.. I haven't. But I know some of the other people have.

I'm not medicated and plan to stay that way. Just managing it in other ways.. like exercise, isolation, cleaning, etc.