I’m 17 and been struggling with depression and I was 11 the diagnosis didn’t come as a shock to my parents considering they both also suffer with mental illnesses more anxiety than depression but As the years gone on We found more shit that’s just made me a failure by fucking design I have no way to cope with any of this besides drugs in the 17 year old pill junkie I will do absolutely anything to get a fix it’s lead me to do disgusting things but that’s besides the fucking point I live in the middle class family always food on the table have both my parents always have water never have to worry about shelter and yet I still feel at the bottom and it makes me feel so ungrateful my parents do everything they can because I know how much I struggle but it’s never enough my depression has cost in my parents thousands of dollars in dental care because I don’t brush my teeth I can’t be bothered to fucking do that they’ve had to call an exterminator in the house because I’ve brought bedbugs because of how much filters in my room they’ve got me on countless meds that never work but always try it more therapist and you can count nothing fucking works I’ve gotten to the point where suicide is the answer for everything if I’m a little bit pissed off I should kill myself just a little bit sad I should kill myself if I’m bored I should blow open my fucking lid my anxiety and depression has no longer turned in to sadness it’s turned into anger I could snap any fucking day I’ve plotted out murder in my head I don’t want to hurt anyone but one of these days I’m gonna have a DRPD episode dissociate and hurt someone I’m so numb to it at this point I just feel nothing it’s all the same I believe people when they tell me it gets better but at some point every battle last and six years is too fucking much for me I’m 17 I’m not fighting for another 50 years