this has taken over my life. my heart palpitates from my anxiety, so whenever it palpitates while i’m not having anxiety, i GET anxiety and have more palpitations, i try to tell myself that i’ve lived every time it happens, but it really doesn’t help that much. it feels like my heart has stopped for a second. i have chest pains and think that i’m going to have a heart attack. don’t get me started on the impending doom feeling, always thinking that i’m gonna be killed or drop dead. 

i feel like i’m obsessing over my health since i have nothing else to be anxious about these days. i don’t even know what a normal heartbeat is supposed to feel like anymore because if i can feel it, i get scared and if i can’t feel it, i get scared as well. 

i can’t even exist anymore. i have to constantly distract myself 24/7 if i want to feel okay, i can’t live this way anymore. i have a fear of taking medication too ever since i read about how bad it is for your health. i feel so angry, i’m only a teenager and i’m already struggling this much, does it ever get better? can i fix this? i don’t want to be on medication to be normal. i really don’t. if i was okay before then why am i not okay anymore? shouldn’t it be reversible? 

i am so sad because i have the desire to live, but my anxiety is forcing me to stay in one place. this is only one of my symptoms, just my biggest problem.