I have suicidal thoughts daily, but every week or two, I have a complete mental breakdown where I go from casually suicidal to "I need to kill myself right now". Tonight happened to be one of those breakdowns, but this one broke me to the point that I took the screen off the window, looked out, and was about to jump, but chicken out. I'm really sick of my unstable brain. I'm not going to be able to hold a job like this, or do have an enjoyable life when I'm constantly extremely fatigued, depressed, anxious, and suicidal. What do you guys do in your moments of extreme suicidality? I've been to therapy since I was six, two residential treatment centers, a number of acutes, ketamine and iron infusions, and so much more, and I still have the same thoughts and urges from almost 5 years ago. It drives me crazy. I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much planned to do with my life, but with this instability, I'll never be able to live out my dreams. Thank you.