For the past year and a half I had someone that I could be with every day, and she made me really happy. I don't know what we were, it wasn't clear if we were best friends or anything more since we were in love with each other, but she made me happy. I thought that as long as I had her, everything would be okay, and so I became too focused on her and lost sight of everything else. I lost most of my friends. 

She left me to die a couple days ago. We hadn't been close for about a month, she knew I was struggling with a lot in my life, and I didn't want to pressure her so I tried to make sure she didn't ever feel pressured to talk to me or anything. She left and blocked me on everything, wouldn't answer any questions, and I realized she got together with my abusive ex. This is probably the biggest betrayal I've ever felt in my life, and now I have literally no one.

I didn't need her to be around all the time, I just wanted someone to talk to a couple times a week. I guess I don't deserve even that, someone as worthless and pathetic as me deserves no happiness, nothing. I've lost twenty pounds in the past three or so weeks, I'm so lonely it kills me. There've been a lot of great people in my life that came and left, usually due to me ghosting them in the past. I don't even want to seek new friends since I know I'll mess up any friendship I'm in. There's nothing left for me, why should I even keep going