 i miss him. 

i miss his hugs.

i miss his texts.

i miss the way his eyes crinkled up when he'd laugh or smile.

i miss when he'd give me his jacket every time it was too cold out and my dumbass didn't think about the weather that day. 

i miss waking up to his crazy texts while he was high on acid, or texts asking me where i'm at in the high school because we met up every. single. day. 

i miss getting a text every day asking me if i wanna hang out. 

i miss the days i felt lost at school when he was home sick, because even though the feeling was bad, at least he was just sick and i'd see him tomorrow. 

i miss walking with him to 7-11 every day after school to grab a monster, and then on wednesdays we'd walk to therapy together. 

i miss the drug deals we did together, and how we completely stunk up his friend's car with fucking edibles. 

i miss the crazy places we'd explore together, like trail walks or abandoned areas, like this abandoned train track at night time where we were 100 feet above a river and we just sat there and stared. 

i miss him spontaneously showing up at my house at 2 AM to go on late night drives and scream and rant about the hardships in our lives.

i miss the way he made me feel wanted.

i miss the way he made me feel like i had a purpose in this world.

i miss him. 

and i especially miss him breathing. 

his heart beating. 

seeing his chest heave as he inhaled and exhaled. 

i miss that reassurance that he was alive. 

i miss my other half.