there's not really much to say, i was just feeling really really bad. i had such an urge to hurt myself of even worse. i went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror and then i see this fucking roach on the door behind me and of course i freak out because i'm terrified of them. 
so i get out of the bathroom and just sit on my bed for about 15 minutes staring at the thing and thinking. my best friend's birthday is tomorrow, what kind of friend does that? my mom would have to find me, what kind of daughter does that? 

that roach made me feel so afraid for like two seconds it made those thoughts go away. 

also now i can't go in the bathroom to pee because it's still there, and i'm still afraid of it. but i guess thanks little guy.