I have symptoms of depression i know but I don’t know if I’m seriously depressed. I just hate that word a lot and keep pretending I’m fine and ignore everything. I’m too scared to speak up about it so I just leave myself with questions. 

I’ve been procrastinating studying, playing the games I enjoy, watching the tv shows I enjoy, I’ve been doing nothing. I’ve arguably been procrastinating sleeping by just sitting on my phone. I’m constantly anxious and sometimes lack concentration. 

I don’t know if it’s laziness, lack of a social life, struggling at being independent, depression all? etc.

I’ve been slowing approving my social life and talking more but I just struggle to get over the final hurdle to include myself I guess. 

I would say that these things have always been present but can be on different scales. When I was in cologne for Esports, I had probably nothing. 

I’m struggling at becoming a better version of my self in general, maybe because I’m always emotional? I’m young and still growing up? 

I never really go out by myself, when I was homeschooled I would only go out with family meaning I suffer independence? 

I should try going out to places but I’ve never experienced that being alone I guess, in terms of going to i.e. coffee shop idk what I could even be doing. I’m not enjoying the stuff recently that I normally enjoy like I said with procrastinating my studies, playing games, watching the shows I like. So if I went to a coffee shop I’d be doing nothing just like always.

Next week, I could feel a bit better but the week after I could go back and feel the same I do now. Like a constant cycle.