For everyone out there, I just want to say that there is light in this life with BPD. Someday, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few months everything will be better. 

It's a long and hard walk trough dark times, I know. Not everyone is the same but trust me in this one. It will get better. With hard work, therapy, medication maybe and patiance everything will change.

For me, this change came in the past month. I don't know how, I don't know why but I'm gratefull for this change. I was in a depressive state and I was fighting BPD and depression for a long long time, I wasn't even cleaning myself or my house and I was smoking allmost two cigarette packs a day and I had a lot more unhealty ways of coping and dark thoughts. I was broke and couldn't pay my therapy or my bills. Because of my behaviour I failed my finals and couldn't get my Bachelor degree. I was destroying my life with every ocasion until I said STOP.

 I started to go to a group therapy where we talk about DBT every week, I'm taking my medicine everyday, I'm doing my homework from individual therapy, I'm trying to smoke less (still fighting with this addiction), I stopped drinking and I found someone who is not scared of me and she is helping me to change myself in a better way. I started to take my health more serious and even my house and my body are cleaner than ever. I even started to study more to take my Bachelor degree once and for all. 

I don't want to brag, to be honest. I just want to show you that there is hope and a happy ending after a long fight. You should not lose hope and even how hard it is, take a break because we are humans and after that keep fighting. Fight until you find you happy ending and the life you want.