Im an 18 year old guy whos in college, and ive been smoking weed consistantly through out the day since sptember, as well has having bpd, anxiety, depression, and/or possibly bipolar. Recently all my friends went to college and my girlfriend broke up w me, so ive been doing alot of thinking. 

basically, I kind of lied about my whole self since 8th grade, faking diffrent types of mental illness and lies about my home life , I was also doing drugs like weed and opiods,and being a shitty person in general. The thing is, that it was all kind of subconcious. Like I did choose to do that at one point when i was 13, but somehow it lasted 5 years but the same lies keep building and I didnt realize until they left for school and i was alone. Anyways, the reason for this post is bc im paranoid my ex found out abt these horrible fuckin lies, but I have no proof at all. She is friends with people I kind of talked to in highschool, who i lied to abt hookups and shit but like,nothing abt my past they would know. Also, she texted me out of nowhere saying she wants to call me and say hello and talk n shit, but maybe she misses me or just loved me at some point. but like, in my head, I literally think that EVERYONE they and I know is plotting against me to destory me and ruin my life and im afraid to talk to any of them, but at the same time i need to find out what they know about me.

Anyways, Id appreciate any thoughts on this, I genuiinley dont know whats wrong with me in regards to any of it, and i dont think I was trying to hurt anyone. But yeah, the question is, does this seem like paranoia or guilt? bc rlly i cant tell