Having BPD confuses me 24/7. I am just constantly confused about my feelings towards everything. I don't know if the "amount" of my sad, irritated, frustrated, or angry feelings are normal or over the top. I know we all feel things on a much more intense level, but what if sometimes it's the same with someone WITHOUT BPD? How am I supposed to know what's the usual or healthy amount of negativity that balanced/mindful people feel towards something?


Here's the thing. I've recently learned not to show aggression or hostility towards others, so no one would really be able to tell how I'm feeling. I don't lash out or express my sadness (kind of raised to not show negative emotions too). However, behavioral reaction or not, feelings can still be irrational. 


Here's an example of what I mean:  Maybe someone you know and like isn't treating you so kindly. Maybe they're just fine but YOU don't think they are treating you well and YOU are being the irrational one. How do you know if you are just being too sensitive or if they are actually in the wrong???


I also often get lost in my own thoughts a lot. This is what it truly must feel like to have a personality disorder. I don't know who my consistent self is and although people see me as normal on the outside, my mind is so jumbled that I just spend too much time doing nothing.


edit: Thank you all so much for your responses! To those of you going through the same thing, I hope that eventually we can achieve some sort of consistency and grasp on the way we feel about things. To those that offered support and/or advice, I appreciate it so much and am thankful. =)