I have no drive, no opinions, preferences or agency. I only manage to do simple tasks when others tell me to. The rest of the time I just mindlessly listen to the same videos or go through scenarios to keep my mind crowded. Fully acknowledging the situation would be too much.

It's just that I spent years working up to killing myself and was caught mid plan. Obviously I'm still alive, but I've thrown away so much in the process that there's nothing but an empty husk left...