As you all know this phrase was soul crushing. I feel frantic. I've been doing everything I can in my ability to "improve." I started a slew of medicines, and I'm not a fan of medicines, a few months ago. I started therapy. Stopped the drinking and substance abuse. I hate this feeling that I can't control our fate and I guess he thinks I can. I'm frantic, I don't know how to make progress move more quickly, or how much progress is maximumly possible for me given the amount of trauma I've endured. 

I love him, what can I do? I know the relationship is taking a toll on him. I don't know what more I can do, and I'm willing to do anything 