huge fucking TW, insecurity, SI, and SH. Please stay safe.





I gained a few pounds this weekend. It's monday and I have to go to my stupid classes in thirty minutes where I have to pretend to not be something disgusting. 

I just recorded my own appearance and my fucking god. I am the ugliest thing to ever exist. I am the grossest being on planet Earth. I don't deserve to live. 

I want to just crumple into a ball and cry. All the people I've asked about my appearance fucking lied to me. I knew I was terrible but in that recording I saw all the things in others I find disgusting in myself. I'm so fucking ugly, I was a fucking mistake. 

There's no future for me. At least I don't want there to be one. Not where I'm this disgusting. I was born to die. It's a shame that I have all this love inside of me because it doesn't matter cause I hate myself. I don't want to ever be seen. 

I wish I was at least brave enough to cut myself.