Ever since i(f25) was a small girl i was abused by my parents. Every friend/boyfriend i made ended up using and abusing me. I never wanted alot. I just read a ton of books and dreamed to get my prince charming and live happily ever after. I wanted to be independent from my parents, a big family, atleast some friends, a countryside house to live in and to take care of everybody. 

I met my now husband(26) 6 years ago and he is perfect for me. Our goals match very much. We have our highs and lows but we work trough them. I have my daughter from when i was still a teenager, but he has accepted her as his own. We have just been working realy hard and saving and planning. So last year we decided its time to start moving somewhere. We decided to get married, get pregnant and buy a house. 

So far my only friend told me i dont deserve to have a kid bcz im depressed and wont take care of my kids anyways, she got pregnant, and i have no more friends.

We have tried buying like 30 houses and every time something goes wrong on the other side that we cant affect - house gets sold to someone else, we get denied for loan bcz my husbands workplace decides to change company name, final thing- the house has been for sale for ages, we tell were gona buy it, get answer its not actualy for sale bcz something about paperwork is not right. At the moment we are living at my parents unocupied apartment.

I work at a grocery store as a middle manager where my mother works as the head manager. All the colegues hate me bcz of my mother being shit manager. They cant do anything to her so they express it on me. Thats the double amount of conection i want with my parents. My sister(15) still lives with them and gets abused like i used to be and thats the only reason i try to keep relationship good. So she could come to me. 

My health has deteriorated expotentialy. I have been on sick leave for 3 months due to bacterial infection in my joints, apendix, covid, also at this time found out i have fertility issues as i still havent been able to get pregnant. 

If you have a house, how long were you looking for it/working on buying it? Do i realy ask too much from life? Im just getting so tired of pushing to get stuff most people seem to simply have without even trying.  I just feel suicidal all the time. I realy dont feel like pushing anymore.