I decided last Thursday to take a full-time job after not working for two years. In 2020 to 21, I finished my thesis and took another year to work on my mental health. The job search took 6 months and I turned down several jobs because I wasn't sure I would be ready. This is a great opportunity but my anxiety has been severe ever since I accepted the offer. I wake up to panic attacks, vomit, have diarrhea, and horrible hot and cold flashes. I go for walks, meditate, journal, distract myself, and use Ativan when those tools don't work. My doctor prescribed propanalol for work and it eases the physical symptoms but not the anxiety. 

This happens a lot when I have big changes or adjustments. It will go on for weeks and eventually I get so worn down I'll back out on commitments, start feeling suicidal, or I'll go back to intensive therapy. 

I'm on day 4 of relentless panic attacks and anxiety and I haven't found any relief. I'm starting to think I should back out on the job opportunity but I know I would kick myself for doing it. I'm trying to tell myself once I get there it won't be so bad but no amount of self talk has sunk in. 

Has anyone gone through this before? Does anyone have any suggestions for panic attacks and anxiety? I'm using all my tools and still can't find relief. My therapist is (of course) on vacation this week. Any suggestions or advice would be so appreciated!