im so tired
i dont know what to do anymore , my thoughts are too loud and vivid for me to ignore. i think my gf hates me i fuck every little thing unintentionally and i think everyone hates me i dont belong here i dont belong anywhere and i hate that im only here bc if a one night stand , i have to sit in mental agony for as long as i live for everyone else i couldnt care about me im alive for everyone else which is so awful i dont want to do this anymore but im scared of failing again , it was hell last time and i dont wanna go through it again unless i do it right this time but even then what will i do ? lie in endless limbo , no thoughts no feelings just nothing it sounds so good but feels so empty or burn in eternal hell for my sins ? no i guess ill have to suffer forever either way 
i hate it all 
i hate feeling like everything is fake , people places experiences its all just a farce it’s all just fake