I made a throwaway account so my classmates wont make fun of me.

im a 20 year old with no friends no achievements terrible learning skills yet absolutely horrible .My only friend killed himself by gun,and now i have no one.People call me their friend either to make fun of me,benefits or just to make me stop ruining the mood.Every person i called my friend left me with no reason whatsoever.I know im ugly and have no soul,but why become my ''friend'' just to spit me and kick my guts? am i so disgusting? I refuse to look at myself in the mirror,and cry myself to sleep.Just as most people,i call to temporary heal (video games,alcohol,smoking,etc.) but it doesnt work .No one listens to me. When i open up they either dont care,make fun about me or just stop talking to me.Everyone has best friends,yet i dont even seem to have a friend with benefits anymore.I used to have a friend who used me for money,and then cut communications after i went broke .Im living in an apartment and working a 9 to 5.But even with money or not,no one listens to me,cares or even wants to do anything with me in any way possible.When we are assigned projects i'm forced to either leave the group and not present,do the entire thing or my classmates just tell our professor that they wanna switch.I sit at the far end of the class,with no one around me for about 5 meters in any direction.And dont say go to a therapist,because if you dont have the money for it they dont care either,they are paid to listen .Life is shit