I’m usually always struggling with it, but the past two weeks I’ve slowly been sinking into another bad depressive episode (usually happens around this time of year) and I’ve been questioning reality a lot more than usual lately. It’s hard not to. Everything seems fake, nothing seems worth it to me because ultimately we don’t even know what the purpose of life is. We are all going to die. And nothing will matter. It’s terrible to wake up and feel this way every day, ontop of all the damn mood swings. Going from one extreme to another, I’m physically tired of intensely crying one hour, smiling the next, and being angry and pissed at my bf the following. It’s extremely distressing. 

So I attempted therapy again, went in to see a psychologist and the whole experience went terrible and I walked out mid appointment. The doctors seemed like they did not know what they were doing. Why is it so hard to find a good therapist. I don’t even care if the therapist is brutal at this point, as long as they actually know what issues they’re dealing with otherwise why am I wasting my time. 

Is there another option besides therapy on how to deal with this ongoing this pain. It’s brutal and I’m giving up. I’m tired of this life.