I just had a really bad episode for a reason I now realize is trivial. I thought I was going to kill myself and took it out on someone I love unwarranted, I haven’t spoken like that since I was like 14. I’m so ashamed of myself. I tried to send an apology text later and realized that he blocked me, rightfully so and I am ashamed of losing my composure and letting my pure anxiety take control like that. I would never in my right mind do that to someone, but people who don’t have BPD have no way to understand that and it hurts how out of my control it all is. I’m so empty and physically drained now and I feel like absolute shit.  He may never unblock me and that is his right and I hate myself.