&gt;**Please do note what I have written will most likely be missing steps that you need to work through with your own therapist - so you can learn from it but do not use it as professional advice. Thank you.**


In these (bpd) struggles, it becomes apparent during "recovery"/self re-direction that we also lose or cannot recognise emotions or put a name to them.

[The Disconnection](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z6lkylZF8Ek) is real and scary.

This happens because the cognitive abilities/functions for processing are blocked by a 'Valve' and ***WE DO NOT KNOW HOW*** to retrieve them. This wreaks havoc, A LOT of (invisible) havoc.. sometimes not even known or made aware to us at all.

The emotional responses are "scatterbrained", and the pile of objects/emotions starts to build - soon a mist appears upon this pile, and with each passing day the "Commotion" of it all soon turns that mist into a FOG and before we even get the slightest chance to make the necessary "detour" - (to be continued in next paragraph after caution, please read caution first)

**(FYI/Warning: the NEXT link (below) is to a video from the horror movie Insidious that may be triggering or maybe even NSFW for some. It is being used to convey the ideas in this writing more concisely for readers to appreciate the *meaning* put across. Please do consider your health first, especially if you feel horror is triggering for you - before clicking)**

(continued) - we find ourselves in [The Further](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDaT0fstWVs)


And in all this fog, our emotions and feelings **are present** but we *cannot even see them*. And so when we need to attach them to the words we write and speak, they have No meaning because inside our brains we are blind and unable to reach for the appropriate emotions and meanings to bind with our vocabulary and our expressions.

In not being able to link/bind/attach/hug lovingly these emotions we have unintentionally hidden within our minds/selves - the building of a massive weight begins to take place. This is Depression. It is the cause and effect occurrence for when energy is needed to be expressed but the person has no key to do or hasn't yet gotten his key. The person has lost his/her key.

And like the dreadful castles of Sauron sprouting from the grounds in The Lord of The Rings or like the [Kingdom of Atlantis Rising](https://youtu.be/VdPcf6vcd1Y?t=1m47s), the structure abruptly and most rudely plants itself in our brain like a landmark - becoming the fuel factory for rumination, self-harm, self-destructive thoughts, constant feeding of negativity and destruction that we continually feed ourselves &lt;/3 because that is the only thing we know.


**Recovery/Healing is in:**

* Navigating ourselves through these dark kingdoms and NOT TO RUN AWAY FROM THEM, but to FEEL THEIR PAIN (Baby Steps each day, each week, each month while communicating ourselves to ourselves in journalling and with our fellow loving humans in real life and especially in this subreddit) and gradually heal.

* Setbacks (going off course, like an airplane sometimes goes off course whilst in flight to its destination) is a natural process in the healing. It is like a relapse, but to a lesser degree because we are already aware of our choice to heal and we can recognise that we need to lovingly guide ourselves back on track. We can already see the healing path and need to apply some self-love to place us back on it for our health.

* Acknowledging the kingdom/structure.

* We recognise that it is indeed a part of us.

* We start to appreciate this "dirty" kingdom that made itself a landmark of our brain, because:

* We say to it "I SEE you standing there. I stand with you. You are MY pain and even though you are hurting me SO MUCH now, I LOVE YOU and I am going to transform you into your potential - valuable experiences that I will treasure for the rest of MY LIFE."

* "I will take ownership of you because you are my responsibility and I see the Beauty you possess and I know how to harness that beauty. I may still harbour resentment and anger toward others, but I will use your beauty to grow forgiveness in me eventually - because I DESERVE and want to Strive toward Freeing myself, as I Deserve to be healthy and free from harbouring all these useless baggage that is only draining me by directing itself at others and TAKING MY ATTENTION AWAY FROM ME TO LOVE ME instead."

* "Therefore I will strive to productively use my energy to love me. Not use it to feed the negativity I have been used to doing so for so much of my Life. I deserve to be happy."


The above will of course require much reflection and time. It is a process. But a very valuable process to be had and to be worked through.


Thank you for taking the time to read through my post.

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P.S. Also, the symptom mentioned in the post about 'The Disconnection' resemble Bi-polar and Schizophrenia symptoms to a degree - which I suspect leads to misdiagnosis for some.

But in /r/BPD we get a chance to learn about and learn to identify the occurrence of it. and that is Beautiful. It is beautiful to see it all as a part of us and love ourselves.