Hello! PLEASE HELP. Advice very much needed. 

When my (21f) boyfriend (23m) and I met a year ago, he was a much more cheerful person. He had more friends, he was socially more active. We got along so well, we hung out everyday. 

However short after when we started our relationship he started to become really depressed. He had struggled with depression and anxiety pretty much his whole life, but he somehow always kept it under control.

But when he started getting depressed again 11 months ago, it really went out of control. He just went worse and worse. He is the most intelligent person I have ever known in my life. He understands his unconscious and emotions really well. But he couldn’t control it this time, and it all went downwards. 

I have never been depressed in my life, besides some struggles everybody has sometimes. I didn’t know how to deal with his depression, but I tried my best. He says he didn’t know what happiness and love meant before he met me. I did my best to show him and teach him how to be happy and how to love himself (he really struggles with insecurities and self worth). 

It’s been 11 months since he first started to fall into that deep state of depression. I tried to be there for him whenever he needed. I know that’s not the correct thing to do, but I put my life aside to be there for him.

He didn’t get any better. He had anger problems back then, he is much better now about that topic. But his depression just keeps getting worse. It’s very severe and major. He cut some friends from his life (which, I think was a good decision because they weren’t good friends and they were just making him feel worse). But he became lonely. He has couple of friends that really love him and could help him, but he doesn’t trust them. I am afraid he will push them away. He even tried to push me away. He says he can’t deal with my “good” mental health and my confidence, because me being “good” just makes him feel more miserable and insecure. 

After 11 months, he said he doesn’t want to burden me with his depression anymore, and don’t want to put me in a “caregiver” position. He says its for my own good. He wanted to push me away. He says he is ashamed of himself and ashamed to be with me, because he feels so much guilt for bothering me with his depression and affecting my life in such a negative way.

I don’t care. I just want to help him. Yes it’s been hard for me to be with a person with this much depression. But I love him and I want to believe he will get better. I just don’t know how I can help. I try to emphasise with him, but it’s too hard for me to understand his mind-state because I’ve never felt that way. I just want him to be the loving, caring, excited person he once was.

He doesn’t want to go to therapy, because he tried it before and it wasn’t helpful. He doesn’t like to use any kind of chemical stuff, even painkillers, but this means he doesn’t want to take medication for his depression. 

I don’t know how else I can help. Do you have any ideas how to show a depressed person that I’m here for him and I love him? How would you want your girlfriend to act, when you’re depressed? Or should I convince him to take medical help?