I thought I was getting better.. lot has happened since Feb which acted as a catalyst to being more depressed and alone than I ever have been. 

Caring for my Grandmother in home hospice for almost a month while she refused to get surgery, watching her die. I have a lot of evidence to believe she overdosed herself on morphine, she was the only person I had, we talked and texted every single day for years. 

I also got hit in my car and am in constant physical pain. I'm so alone. No friends. No FP for a while, which makes me feel even more dead inside. My SO (aka my roommate) hasn't touched me in months and walks out of the room whenever I start to cry. He mocks me and my bpd, but I stay because I have literally nowhere else to go.

I've had a bad time with therapists, but been looking for a bpd therapist for the first time in years and I can't even find someone to take my money to talk to me.

What will be the end of me first. The crippling depression or the crushing loneliness.