I've planned and attempted suicide in at least five different ways in my life. The closest one was the most traumatic leading to a traumatic brain injury that required brain surgery and neck surgery. It's been 13 years since then and the majority of that time life has felt like a mystery or a nightmare.

I don't have plans to do it now but I have a strong desire to do so. I do have ideas and they're attainable but I'm not with the means at this very moment.

I had a method this last year and all the way to a couple months ago that would have been peaceful but now that's no longer an option and it saddens me. It could have been my way out.

I feel possessed at times, I feel like just a failure the majority of the time. My sickness and twisted sense of humor has kept me captive and alive for far longer than I'd like.

I just want my life to be over. I've been in enough accidents and witnessed enough pain for me to want to call it quits. Life is not something I enjoy and the future looks worse than what I have currently.