I am male, 25 years old.

I don't know what to live for, basically. Life was going good 2 years ago until I suffered a drug induced psychosis and was hospitalized for half a year. Since then, I started working again in a low skilled wagie job carrying around furniture. I was recently fired because the police pulled me over and I tested positive for THC. Have been smoking again. Was the only thing that gave me any joy, tbh. I will also propably lose my drivers license so I cant apply to work as a mailman, which was the job I had 2 years ago, the job I was really good at and actually enjoyed.

&amp;#x200B;

Since the psychosis 2 years ago, I have basically lost contact to my previous friends, because what I did during my psychotic episode is so fucked up that I'd rather have them forget about me, instead of somehow trying to tell them about it. My immediate family knows, and they were also really irritated by it. 

&amp;#x200B;

So, to come to the point: I don't even know why to carry on. I don't want a career, I don't want friends, I don't want a relationship, I don't want a family. I don't see why I should put any effort into working towards these things. I feel like life is meaningless and I don't make any difference anyways. 

&amp;#x200B;

You are born, are brainwashed by society that working and consuming is the be all end all and then you die. Every activity I can think of is just a distraction from the fact that life is pointless. You just do the same shit every day, talk about stuff that doesnt matter with people that are apparently happy about the mundane nature of it all. And that carries on for what, the rest of your life? Feels like hell.

&amp;#x200B;

My family basically tells me how this is not normal, how a young person should be motivated to make something of themselves, when really, ever since 2 years ago, life has been nothing but a constant struggle to see a meaning in any of this. 

&amp;#x200B;

I am beyond cynical I feel like. Feel like people are deluded by the lies they and others tell themselves. And I don't know how I would even begin to get back into the mindset that "normal" people have. Feels like I would just bullshit myself into meaningless endeavours that don't fulfill me. 

&amp;#x200B;

tl;dr: I see no point in working towards or doing anything because ultimately you strive for artifical goals that will just encumber you with loads of work, stress and responsibility and don't make you any happier. I have no geniune ambition to achieve anything in life because ultimately it doesn't matter. I think that people that have careers/families have never thought about these things enough to be disillusioned, but once you have, there is no going back.