I’ve dealt with it two other times and it’s always terrifying and horrible. I can feel it happening because usually the day of the break down I begin having very intense delusional feelings, and leading up to it, I have strange and vivid dreams that eventually feed into those delusions. (Last night my boyfriend wasn’t responding to me and I wound up having a dream he tried to ghost me because I was too much and I woke up and texted him this. When I went back to dreaming I dreamed we were having really good sex.)

Now I keep thinking he hates me and wants to get rid of me and there is no reason for that. It’s like a side thought taking over this bigger thought for me because I just aged out of pageants, which I’ve competed in and worked diligently for for 8 years. 

The thoughts are unwarranted and uncontrolled. I went back to the gym today and when I came out he hadn’t messaged me yet and I tried to call him and I started becoming very paranoid that something bad had happened. 

My last episode really also wound up centering on him and he does nothing at all to make me feel this way. I tried to cal my therapist but she’s closed saturdays. 

Please just help me.