I (29F) got married this past year. My husband (36M) told me before the wedding he “made good money” as a self-employed business owner. I was always completely transparent about how much money I made and what I had saved. With both of our families helping cover wedding costs, I contributed just over $14K out of my savings towards wedding costs. (It was not an outrageous or large wedding, we live in an expensive area.) 

Fast forward to now: I’ve loaned my now-spouse $36k over the past two years to cover our shared expenses and help him pay down his credit card debt. 

My net worth has decreased 42% due to the current stock market. My husband still hasn’t paid me back what I loaned him, or begun to contribute to our monthly expenses. Now I find out he hasn’t filed taxes in more than 7 years and our taxes haven’t been filed for this year. 

I’m worried he is going to get caught for taxes. I’m worried he’s never going to contribute to our shared/agreed on expenses. I’m worried he can’t change. I’m worried I’ll never own a house, or have kids, because of his dishonesty, poor money habits and refusal to get a stable, W-2 job.

Am I over-reacting or are these legitimate reasons to feel anxious? 

TL;DR: First year of marriage financial stress has left me out around $85k and feeling totally alone while he promises “to make things right”.