Having a difficult time feeling okay lately. I had to start working two jobs to cope with expenses. Only having one day off is killing me. I typically spend it with my boyfriend at his house but this leaves me not completing chores at my house. I really wish we could live together. We’ve been seeing each other for two years but he refuses until I “get better” and until he can afford to buy a house nicer than the one he’s currently in. This makes me sad. I need help. I need to find a roommate. I need to cut expenses so I can have enough time to myself for coping. I would give anything to not have to go into my part time job this afternoon. (One full time, one part time). He tells me I need to just work through it but I’m really starting to resent all of this. With BPD I can never tell if my worries are logical or if I’m just being dramatic and a slave to my irregular emotions and hate for myself. I want to not show up to work and play frisbee golf by myself. I feel so guilty. 

If anyone has a moment to talk I would really appreciate that. 

I have backed off the thought of suicide. Mostly because I keep a savings account in case I ever need to pack a bag and jump on a flight/train to anywhere.  These thoughts are more soothing than suicide lately. 

-J 