So this happened a few minutes ago. My mom and I have a rocky ass relationship. No matter what I do in her eyes I’m in the wrong, selfish, or being a rude bitch. And ive been trying to accept that she doesn’t need to like me but sense I live with her, it’s something I deal with every day. 

Well, a few minutes ago , she called me down stairs. “What are you doing?” And I explained I’m trying to finish up the paper for college. so her next question was if I could run to my old job and get everyone dinner. I told her I didn’t want to go back up there, because my ex coworkers are vile. And if she paid attention to the rants , text I showed her or the times I cried from what they said she would understand why. They were rancid to me and most of them still work there. And I know they would start some shit when I go up there. 

So Instead of my mom asking me why I felt uncomfortable going back up there or being understanding because she should’ve known if she paid attention, she went off saying I was being selfish and self centered. That I didn’t care if anyone else ate( even though I offered to go somewhere else). 

So because my dad really wanted their food, he offered just to run up there himself. My mom said “but don’t you dare get Liz anything, if she wants something she can order it.” And I know it’s petty but that’s what made me lose my shit. 

Because when I do Order food, she yells at me or not getting stuff for everyone else. But half the time every time I order something it’s because they don’t save me food. I understand that I’m 19, so I don’t get mad at them for not saving me food… I just buy myself some. But then I’m selfish?? my mom and I get in fights about it all the time. So her bringing that up I had to walk away because I know that meant she wanted to start a fight. and I know my mom is my biggest trigger. 

I know it’s a really stupid reason to get mad and almost  blow up on her. But I’m just irritated. I’m selfish for not wanting to put myself into a situation where I’m going to get bullied by old coworkers again. And now I don’t get dinner , unless I order it which would cause another fight.. I just can’t wait till I can afford to move out..