why do i keep saying things that i dont mean and i know will just upset them and make them leave when ive done this many times before and know it'll happen. i like literally cant control myself i get so anxious and worried and i have to let out my feelings and say something dumb to them then they get mad and leave and now im even sadder. theyve given me so many chances to show ive changed and i want to change so fucking badly but i cant. i hate myself so much why am i like this its not fair nothing feels fair i overreact to everything i cant give them space i want to die