I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to about this, so I hope someone here can understand. 

I'm 32, been with my husband for 10 years, married for 3. I always had anxiety around sex, especially since I left my past relationship where I forced myself to have sex with my partner so he wouldn't leave me for 4 years. Since then, it's been awful. Some months it's ok. Some years I can't even be touched without crying. My husband has been a saint, sometimes going years without sex until I can stop having panic attacks about it.

It's happening again, and it's been maybe 6-8 months since we had sex last. If I even think about sex, I started to panic. I feel sick, my heart rate starts going up, I start to feel numb and scared. The longer it goes on, and the more anxious I get, the less I want to have sex, and the more I'm afraid he's going to leave me because I don't have sex with him. I know that people on reddit will tell him to leave me because we have a dead bedroom. He tells me he's OK, but I just can't believe it. I had friends in the past, who, when I confided in them told me that my relationship was fake and if I wanted my husband to love me I would have to have sex with him, which only makes me even more scared and anxious. 

I tried  talk to my therapist about it for the first time because I'm so scared, but she just said that it was interesting and sounded really awful and didn't really advise me further. I have a lot of other problems going on, so perhaps that was more important right now.

Does anyone else here understand or relate? I feel so alone. I'm tired of being told to suck it up and force myself to have sex to make it better when it's what got me into this mess in the first place.