it's been almost 10 days since i stopped taking my meds.. it's all coming back and it suddenly hit me - they never actually made me normal or happy. They just hid the pain, despair and anger i felt and still feel.

It's college season and my parents won't leave me be. I give a test get into the college but my parents keep pushing me to try the next college, which is apparently better. It doesn't occur to them that maybe i don't need the best of the best because im the kind of person who doesn't know if she'll live to see the next day or week. 

I get overwhelmed by my surrounding lights sounds etc.. maybe after traveling and giving exams for a month and finally getting accepted into a reputable college, i don't wanna subject myself to that anymore.. but my parents don't wanna stop because i haven't tried the MOST reputable college yet.

I used to want to take a drop year, and my parents told me to stop sitting on my ass and work harder. So i did and I'm more burnt out than ever. Now i see that putting myself through college makes me less likely of killing myself than living another year with my parents