I just look at everyone around me ending up with someone loving and being loved? Maybe I'm just too messed up to be loved or be better , and it's better for me and people around me to just be distant.

I [31f] 've ended up with 2 bachelors', 2 masters' degrees with the third on the way. I function normally with people that I'm not attached emotionally to, I function perfectly in a work environment. Still , the only thing I ever wanted is a family of my own, stability, love, and safety.

Whenever I am with someone, friends or boyfriend, I always end up in the pleasing mode , for a long period of time , till I can't take it anymore ,and burst out. I do my best to get their approval, done those messed up gestures where I ended up pleasing others on my expenses, ended up emptying my bank account for few people...
But it doesn't last , they leave, and each time , the same script... 
I am always in the " thank you for talking to me / being with me/ being my friend" , begining mode.

I am truly miserable, I wish I could have the chance to end it; but I just can't , my mum is very frail, and no one will take care of her if I don't.

I am 31 , statistically, I , as a person with BPD have very low chances of getting married. 

I think there is something deeply wrong with me, I want so bad to have normal interactions with friends, have healthy relationships, I'm too scared of others at the same time. I'm afraid of them hurting me physically/ emotionally or ruin any chances of success.

I live in North Africa, I see a psychiatrist, their isn't any good psychologist, I'm under wellbutrin.

Should I give up on my need to form friendships, and having a relationship, since I'm 31 and the only explanation that I didn't get to have something on the long run, is that I'm just toxic and spoiling other people's lives ?

Should I focus only on academia, finding a decent job, and making Mama happy ? 

If I live abroad will I be able to get help , and be "less toxic" by learning healthy behaviour ?