Yeah idk if this counts as a win but today as I was splitting I noticed I was doing it and instead of flipping out I just told the other person what was happening and asked them to go about their day. And they just did. Like it was fine. I’m trying so so so hard not to repeat past mistakes where I would make a friend or partner or whatever then start to argue with them really bad every time I split because I would tell them to leave me alone and then they actually would, triggering my abandonment issues, so acctually recognising and admitting that I was splitting felt like a win for me. 

Also, does anyone else self destruct on the outside when they feel bad inside so someone will notice and save them? Like if I have bad thoughts I’ll do something to warrant practical help instead of trying to get the emotional support I need. Idk if it makes sense but like I’ll cut so someone cleans the cuts and I get some care and attention but what the issue really was was that I needed emotional support and didn’t think I would get it or didn’t know how to go about it if that makes sense. Idk, I was just hoping to find a better way to cope with that?