So yeah, as the title says, I am objectively in a good positiion. I've got family, friends, I am decently good looking and somewhat intelligent. School grades are pretty much as good as it gets and I've got invited to multiple job interviews at reputable companies, without even really trying.
Yet, I spent a month at a psychiatry, got diagnosed with a major depressive episode with some sort of maniac tendencies. I've cried every day this week. 
I've met so many people who got abused or have childhood trauma or some other severe problems since they were children. 
I, on the other hand, grew up with parents who cared for me and were financially stable enough, to go on vacation 3 times a year, pay for guitar lessons, sport and overall items for all sort of hobbies I've had in my life. My parents left me enough room, for me to develop my own personality, while being restrictive enough so that I have good manners, stayed away from drugs, ... I visited a decent school, my friends and I never got involved into shady stuff. My parents didn't pressure me, I got into a serious relationship and while I had some problems, I overcame them. I am not saying that I was perfect, but overall life has been objectively good to me.
About 2 years ago my life took a wrong turn. Not sure if I even caused it, but it only took two months for me two loose my relationship, friends and for me to cut off any contact to people whatsoever including my parents. That's probably been a depressive episode, but I never bothered to even visit a doctor. Fast forward around 1,5 years and a toxic relationship later, I decided to turn my life around. 
Another 3-4 months - I am in the best physical shape of my life, met really good friends, experiences and enjoyed life. I was back. I experienced smiling again, love for my friends, my parents and my life. 
But then things turned around again. It took one month again. Self harm, suicidal thoughts, some more or less attempts and just pain. I found myself in the aforementioned psychiatry and finally got diagnosed. 
Now I've realized I took a big loss. And I will again. Forever. It's like fighting a group of drunk, aggressiv fans. You get fucked. No matter what. Yet you still see them every evening. Avoiding doesn't work and fighting them is your only option for you to finally not be terrorized by them. But every task is to much. 
Yesterday I fought with my best friend. It happens. And we even talked about it 20 minutes after. But I just fucking shattered. Told my other friends I am going to kill myself after I break off contact. I just feel like they should not be going through my pain. They are the best people I've met. I want the best for them. So I need to break off contact. But I don't want to. 
If I close my eyes right now, I can see their faces. 
Just looking my best friend in the eyes and seeing every form of life disappear from his face and his eyes. Him walking out, so I don't see him crying. Another friend just staring point blank with no facial expression. The friend I've fought with sitting on the floor. Their eyes red, exhausted, suffering. You can imagine my appearence just from their reactions. 
And yeah, I drank alcohol, because I knew it would not go well with my medicine (and what a surprise, I did't), ran away, shouted, told them my fantasies about splitting open my head on the next concrete wall and my blood just pouring. 

Not even sure if therapy would even help me at this point. Not that it matters, cause in my country it is literally impossible to even get a therapist in the first place. 
Now you might wonder why I left the psychiatry. I was feeling decent again. Stable. And wanted to continue life. Furthermore I didn't really feel comfortable after some time there. 
Well it took just 5 days for me to go insane again. 

Maybe one of you can relate and the you know you are not alone. If anyone wants to talk, I am down.