I was diagnosed with BPD &amp; GAD a year ago. I have a very supportive therapist &amp; an amazingly supportive family who never blame me for this disorder. They understand I would never chose this. Yet despite all my supports, progress &amp; therapy, I feel like I am only getting by each day. I also don't want to burden my supports, because I understand how exhausting I can be.
There is no DBT where I live, only a watered down skills groups. I have worked through a few work books, gone to anxiety &amp; depression groups. I go to yoga, read, have many baths &amp; walks to self soothe. I have a strong desire to learn to cope better &amp; I try to be as proactive in my care as possible. Yet it's not enough. My emotions are so intense sometimes that I wish I felt absolutely nothing, I want to disappear in those moments. Suicide &amp; self harm often cross my mind. I know when I am not thinking realistically, but emotion driven, that it becomes a scary possibility. I've quit going to the emergency department when I feel suicidal because I'm often left in the overflow section for days without seeing a psych nurse, or even making it to the psych unit. I end up only feeling more misunderstood &amp; alone once they send me home. I know that my overwhelming emotions will always pass, but during those times I forget that. I'm not sure what to do. I am so afraid I'm going to lose this battle during a crisis/episode. I am afraid that I will lose myself to someone's rejection of me (biggest trigger) or that my family will lose me to myself. 

What helps you get through the intense emotions, crisis &amp; rejection?

TL;DR: I have a strong desire to cope better, yet I often am overwhelmed with devastated/suicidal thoughts. I have a lot of supports in place, but they don't seem to be enough during a crisis.