My parents are constantly fighting with each other. Today they spent the whole day screaming. After I ate dinner my dad called me to a “family meeting”. I told him I have a midterm tomorrow that I need to study for and he said “I don’t give a fuck about your midterm, this is more important”. This hurt my feelings because I’m doing awful in school and I’m extremely frustrated and disappointed in myself. My dad knows this yet now he says he doesn’t care. 

So I sat in our living room for this “meeting” where my dad basically was scolding my younger brother (15M) about how he spends too much money on fast food. My dad kept comparing my brother to me saying I spent way less money than him. I couldn’t sit there and listen to him talk to my brother in that condescending tone. Yes, maybe my brother could be more wise with his money but he is also a 15 year old kid and the way my dad went about it was very confrontational and disgusting. As well, any time my mom wanted to say something during this meeting my dad would tell her to “shut up and don’t speak unless spoken to” 

After sitting there 5 mins I started screaming at my dad and told him he’s gonna give my brother mental health issues just like he did to me. He doesn’t know how to treat people with respect and he clearly doesn’t care about anyone but himself. He’s a complete narcissist. 

I have my exam tomorrow. It’s now 1am and I have not even studied a quarter of the material for the exam. All day I couldn’t stop crying about my family situation. I am so full of rage and there is so much more that I want to scream at my dad about. Sometimes I even have thoughts of hurting him. I know I would never do anything like that but the thoughts are getting more frequent and scaring me. 

He decided to go get drunk and hide out in his room for the rest of the night. He has been very mentally unstable recently and I am concerned he may kill himself but it’s also hard to have remorse when he’s treated me like utter crap throughout my whole life. He’s a verbally and emotionally abusive asshole in my eyes.

I’m just frustrated now I don’t know how to calm my emotions enough so I can study for my exam tomorrow.