I visit my father in laws family with my fiancé, we go to a water park and have fun. The next day, they’re all happy and playing Mario Kart together and want me to join, but I’m upset and crying and I have to seclude myself from them so I don’t ruin their mood.

I can’t even explain to them why I’m upset, I just have to walk away and be alone. I see the cycle, I know this happens every time we visit, but I never know how to stop it. This is one of the most lonely feelings I experience. 

I wish I could shut it off and just be a happy, normal person.