For context I’m 27 F in UK. 
For the last 10 years I’ve been trying through the nhs to get a diagnosis. 

I’ve grown up with my parents telling me there’s nothing wrong with me until now at 27, my mum has personally witnessed me at my worst. But the problem is my mum seems to think being diagnosed with bipolar is going to ruin my life. And in turn is now admitting she believes I simply have adhd, even giving examples of my challenging behaviour as a child, something she hasn’t mentioned before. She is failing to see the bigger picture here. It is important anyone is disagnosed correctly to avoid another 20 something years of barely keeping my head above water. I know it must be difficult admitting your (only) child might not be perfect, but it is only now I am seeing how much damage forcing me into that perfect box has done. I would prefer to break every bone right now than continue like this, at least you can physically see the broken bone. At least the problem and treatment is obvious. 

I feel ignored and unheard, I am tired of being told it’s this it’s that, I’ve spoken to colleagues in the mental health field, I’ve done my own research, I’ve seen countless therapists and I know I have bipolar. That’s the first time I’m writing it down. I have spent my entire life letting others tell me what to do under the pretence of it being in my best interest, and NOTHING has changed, if anything my life could already “ruined” because of the delay, because of the scepticism I’ve received, because of the self doubt that has weighed me down. This has made me avoid seeking help, for fear my real thoughts will be judged or I’ll be told there’s nothing wrong.

But this week I’m going private, and I’m ready to sit down in front of the only person who can tell me I’m right or wrong and hear what they think. Part of me is hoping when my mum sees something on paper then she might give me the attention I need. 

Thanks for reading if you got this far