So the last two weeks have been chock full of progress for me. In truth the last few months have, but it's all the more evident now. 

I've always had an issue with confrontation. Looking back I have no idea why, but it's been that way since I was a kid. I remember being bullied and actually being grounded because I wouldn't stand up for myself (my parents tried I guess?) Someone posted yesterday about being muted. This is how I oftentimes feel when something makes me uncomfortable, or I am faced with confrontation. It results in me freezing up, being unable to speak, and has often times lead people to violate my boundaries and consent (both sexually and non-sexually). 

Going into 2020 I had a resolution to become more confrontational, especially after I dealt with a situation at work where I was being sexually harassed for weeks until I meekly told my boss, and she marched me to HR. While I know COVID has been awful for most people, for me it came at a good time. I had a lot of life transitions going on and the break was much needed. Aside from getting sick in the first couple weeks of quarantine and the ensuing shitty health problems (I'm honestly certain my lungs will never heal) I was able to do a lot of self work, and got back in with an old therapist who I really liked. 

Fast forward to the last couple weeks. First, I had an issue arise with a family member. I handled it by calling a friend instead of throwing it on one of the people I've gotten in the process of getting to know for dating, then writing the family member a long letter explaining my feelings. These were major victories. I also had a race-based confrontation with a neighbor today (was profiled in my neighborhood). In the past I would've just walked home and cried. This time I stood my ground, and while I'm still angry and upset, I'm glad I didn't just dumbly stand there and break into tears like I would've a year ago. I also raised issues to my superiors at work about some things and brought up some feelings to a friend I was upset with. 

Idk if it's because it's cancer season and I'm in my element, because the sun is out, or just because of the work I've been doing. All I can say is I'm proud of myself, and this is just the tip of the iceberg truthfully. Back in January I was constantly depressed and suicidal, clinging to the pants leg of someone who just wanted to use me for sex, and unable and unwilling to voice how I felt about anything. 

Thanks to lots of therapy, meditation, constantly loops of Lady Gaga and Fiona Apple, deleting social media, and sinking into hobbies I am a woman I've never seen before, and I'm damn proud of her. I love her. I love all of you. And I'm sending you all healing energy so that you may progress or maintain as well.