It's been 5 months since I recovered from DPDR. Anxiety has been an issue for me since the age of 8, and BDD since 15, but I am just now working on my mental health at 21. I look back at my experience and don't feel scared or this dark, heavy cloud anymore. Infact, I look back and feel a necessary turning point for my life. I forget how much progress I've made so far sometimes. I realize the journey for me now isn't about achieving perfectionism inorder to be loved, but learning to love and support myself FOR myself and own approval. Learning to exercise because it's good for my body, and nervous system instead of vain reasons. Learning I don't need to constantly show up to my job and the gymn in constant, state of high energy and performance to prove my worth. Releasing my convictions, that keep me from having genuine bonds to people, and preventing me from loving myself in the now, instead of the version of myself I am waiting to become.  

I look back at my 3-4 month experience with DPDR, and realize I was disconnected from my true self long before I started disassociating. It was such a scary, dark and menacing time in my life, I really thought I was at the END of my life. I thought I was going to TAKE my life but here I am 5 months later - no more cocaine, alcohol and weed. No more skipping breakfast and eating only one meal a day, most days. I have a steady 9-5 job, eating healthy, made amends with my dad and exercising 4 times a week. Rejection doesn't scare me as deeply anymore, and I can say in all honesty, I'm proud of myself. If other people aren't okay with me, IM okay with me and that's all that matters. I don't Shame the girl I was as harshly anymore, and I understand now that the frazzled, unregulated girl I was before was a necessary version of myself I needed to be to get to where I am today. I still have a LOOOONG ways to go before I leave some self destructive ways behind me, but I can honestly say now, that I am on the road to becoming my own soulmate and support system. The DPDR does not have the grip that it did anymore. It is such a miniscule experience in my life now.  

For anyone going through DPDR. It gets better.