alright i posted here a little over a week ago about coping with a break up and so far things have been going absolutely terrible. i've barely been eating, i wake up and immediately think of her causing all of my emotions to hit me the second i wake up. i need sleep medicine to even get to sleep. i've been cutting, i've been miserable and as far as i can tell there's nothing i can do to fix it.

the problem is last night my problems followed me into my dreams and i might as well have just been awake. my mom came out this morning saying i was screaming and crying in my sleep and at one point i actually texted my ex explaining just how miserable i was and that i cant get myself to believe she ever cared about me. i don't remember sending it but i woke up and i don't disagree with anything i said but i wasn't going to say anything to her and now i feel guilty and horrible about that because on top of looking and feeling weak, i've pushed guilt onto her when she shouldn't have to worry about it.

i've broken down at work, i take 2 hour long showers filled with crying, i feel like a fucking 3 year old who's dad just left him constantly and now i can't even sleep comfortably without being tortured by these feelings. i honestly can't take much more of it and fear that im going to do something drastic soon

any advice would help