Hey my dear Bordies, I will try to get to the point here.
Diagnosed (F44) since 18months, treatment ever since (DBT group, one on one therapy) and for the last 6 weeks my therapist has left the practice and I'm going without. I also just graduated my DBT group, and had a huge showdown with my deadbedroom partner and father of my youngest child and left and moved into a women's refuge. Then I moved back home and told him I've fallen in love with someone else. Then the new guy turns out to be some shade of undiagnosed dbt/anxiety whatnot and it turns into a long distance without benefits relationship ("just wait till i get my shit together then i'll come see you" etc etc.). Then all through this my irritating yet somehow loveable original partner never abandons me, even though we pretty much break-up, also from his side for the first time (ignoring the fact that we haven't had regular sex since the cesarian 5 years ago - oh yes there's trauma upon trauma in this house). I also have already been through "divorce" and "custody division" and it really truly sucks. Sharing a child with your ex is basically a hamburger without the patty if you know what I mean. Except sometimes you get the patty somewhere else. But as we all know, dating has become some sort of a minefield thanks to modern ghosting and sexting and god knows what else, and I'm also not really that keen on it...
Anyway, I took my original partner to our couples therapist who is really good, at some things, and got my partner to agree to a second chance. And i was on a high for 24 hours, till he started being a pain in the ass to my oldest child (his step son) and i remembered one of the MULTITUDE of reasons why I just can't stand him. And no cuddling even, and never cleans up after himself, and and and... And I kind of ghosted (I KNOW!!!) my "new" boyfriend, who I am really deeply in love with, but as we all know, this makes us insane and it's just driving us batty. He ghosts me all day basically, and so I decided to ghost him for a week and try and get control of the ghosting, if you know what i mean, and I realised through the process just how much I love him and miss him and argggghhhh I'm totally in a bind... I'd love to hear from anyone who's experienced/experiencing anything similar... should I turn buddhist...? Oh God I need help (going into the clinic for trauma therapy on tuesday btw so I could be experiencing nerves too...)
