I used to be different, I had strong belief in things I thought matter, I didn't even question stuff like the love for my family. Now it's fucked, I doubt everything, im afraid of everything. It's opened my eyes in a way tho, I can now see my faults and my mistakes, however I wish I'd acquired that at less of a price. Even if I actually feel better at some time in the future I will never be who I was, so what's the point in trying anymore, I've long forgotten what joy or excitement felt like which is really weird to me how do you even forget that, but now I just can't even imagine it. I've always been alone but it never bothered me like it does now, I even preferred it I had a sort of "have no one and no one can hurt you" idea. Look at me- at the start of my life and I already feels like its ended.