it feels like my thoughts keep talking over eachother, like im thinking over some shitty thing then my brain is like "hey fuck you diphshit, heres another layer to this shit, maggot infested cake that is your mind" and then its like playing tennis with this bullshit. i havent. been able to get my thoughts in order for a few days now. i swear ive ac tually just fucking broken lmao. no one knows it though. no one but me. like anyone would fucking care LMAO. at this point do i even care? when it doesnt even fucking feel REAL??? im just aimlessly drifting through this shit but that has to stop on monday at least becuase oh boy  i have to go fucking persue education i fucking guess, oh yeah and its for something i dont even know if i want to do. so thats cool, dont worry though. i dont think theres anything i want to fucking do. why cant things just be good. why cant they just be good. it ried so fucking hard, you know. i dont know fi it seems like it but i really really really FUCKING DID. and i swear it takes away parts of me as well. i swear piec es of me are and have died but i dont know what to do about that. im just becoming less and less of myself that ive tried to so hard to build, only for it to become like this. my thoughts are so unorganised and i swear i barely know what to say to people anymore. hell, usually when i say shit it just gets ignored or something. oh yeah, also its not easy to cry no matter how hard i try. life always finds a new way of fucking me lmao. why dont i just kill myself, maybe itll just be nice. maybe it wont be a big black void. maybe it wont be nothing. maybe there is a heaven or hell or some shit. or maybe its just exactly what i want it to be, but nothing is perfect. everything sucks. there has to be an end. oh cool im thinking about the inevitable demise that we all have to face no matter how happy, sad, rich or poor we are. we all face it. but some people are still happy. motherfucking HOW. HOW??? anyway, sorry if you really read through all my disorganised rambling of this broken mind and soul.