I was talking to my boyfriend about how my brother and I would watch late night cartoons growing up and then remembered I used to beg my brother to stay awake with me. As a child, I hated being the last one asleep. My bedroom was right next to the stairs and I feared I’d be the first to die if an intruder broke in. Thinking back, he’d get so mad at me cause I’d wake him even when he was sleeping because I didn’t want to be alone. I also hated closets.

Also, up to the age of 12, I slept in my mom’s bed with her because I didn’t want to and couldn’t sleep alone. I also recall fearing when she’d fall asleep first since I didn’t want to be the last awake and would wake her. She used to get so mad at me too. She’d tell me to just think of the ocean and it actually helped.

Other anxious behavior in my adolescence:
- Nail biting
- Hair twirling
- Fear of dark, running up the stairs afraid that something would grab my feet

I’m sure there’s others, but just little things I noticed today that made my history with anxiety make more sense. I really hadn’t thought about it before, but glad I took a moment to reflect and think about my behavior then.