I thought for the longest time that I didn’t split but lately I’ve been pissed with my therapist because I’m convinced she dislikes me and doesn’t like working with me. I’ve already talked to her about it, and she reassured me that she enjoys working with me - to which I reply that if someone paid me that much money, I’d make up nice bullshit also. 😞

I really like her and I feel awful for how I act in session. Before she told me she thinks I have BPD, we got along great and I was a “good client.” She was so engaging and always sent me texts with links to things to read and said things like “I look forward to seeing you.” Now she seems more distant. 

So, instead of thinking “I hate my therapist,” I think that I hate myself for acting this way. And I’m convinced I’ve “ruined” the therapy, which makes me try to sabotage it. “I ruined things so it doesn’t matter what I think or say in session.” 

I’ve brought it up twice and I can’t keep bringing it up, can I? How do I get over feeling this way? I’m trying really hard not to take this out on myself.