I'm 29, I live with my parents in a fucked up country from which I can't emigrate because I'm a stupid college dropout without any qualifications and I have fucking adult acne who even has that for fuck sake, I hate my job, I don't wanna do anything unless I'm in a hypomanic episode, my sex drive is basically non-existent oh yeah and I'm fucking gay on top of it all and I drink because that's the only time when I'm happy (unless I do nothing and just play video games oh but you can do that for a living, well no, Viv, I can't because my personality has a fucking disorder and my self image is a flaming pile of shit) and now I don't even remember anymore what happens when I go out and have a "good time" because I did it so many times and always do the same thing and I when I start thinking about how fucked up this world is I get even angrier like what the fuck I have to work for like 10hrs 5 days a week to be able to live, fuck this shit, and people die for no reason and live even shittier lives and I should be grateful and I don't know how to process that, literally the only reason why I'm not killing myself is because I made myself believe that I'm destined to do something great which I will totally do if I continue to drink 5 times a week.

Fuck I'm dumb.