Like the title says. I don’t know how to do this anymore. And even if I wasn’t feeling as bad as I do now I’m not sure I’d want to carry on anymore. I’m not strong enough. I’ll be 22 in less than a month and my life is still in shambles. The world is fucked up and I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this anymore. I used to have so many friends but know I don’t have as many friends anymore. And the ones I do have I don’t feel a connection with them anymore. And I’m not sure they feel one with me anymore either. I feel like people get tired of me fast. Plus my dog is currently sick and old and may die soon. I’ve only known love once and it was short and barely sweet, she broke my heart so bad and I’ve been twice as depressed ever since. I’ve always been lonely and I honestly can’t remember what happiness feels like. I don’t know if I generally have ever been happy. My parents have always been toxic and super verbally abusive and my grandmother is twice as worse. I don’t feel a connection to any of my family which hurts cause I wish I did. And I’m forced to live with them cause I’m too broke to live anywhere else. I have a shitty dead end job where I’m under appreciated, overworked, underplayed, stressed. I’m barely able to afford college, and too overworked to take anymore than two classes a semester so it feels like everyone my age is way better off on their life path than I. I’m too depressed and tired at the end of the day to go to the gym and apply for jobs. The only things that make me feel good is sleep, eating, and alcohol. So hence why I’m still chubby and unattractive. This isn’t a pity post I just want to vent. I don’t vent in person cause I guess my pride is too high or I guess I think no one will care or understand. I guess guys aren’t supposed to feel depressed right. I wanna fake my death and start a new life. I just want to feel happy. I just want the pain and loneliness to cease. Anyways sorry for long post. Keep safe everyone.