So this is a hard one for me. One of the biggest problem I will ever have in my life. And I don't want to address it as something that will never change. I've done a lot of progress since I was 16. So basically, I'm insecure, I'm jealous, I have no self-esteem. To the point that I'm jealous of my partners ex-life, ex-girlfriend, etc. It's NEVER the girl in question. I'm not jealous because of her hair, her body, etc. They're always been different. I'm jealous because the man who says who loves me has loved before. It's illogical right ? Well combine this with BPD... I destroyed a few relationships because of that... Now I'm doing ''fine''. I don't attack my SO on his past, but I just tell him how I feel and tell him that I know it's ridiculous. But the pain... The pain is so real. It's like he's cheating on me right now. If I find an object and I suspected he got it from his ex or buy it with her, anything... I start crying. When he tells me : oh yes I've been to that restaurant, it's good. My stomach hurts. He have memories there... Without me. He went traveling with his ex, every time we talk about travels it hurts me because I'm thinking he's gonna think of his past travels... Retroactive jealousy is a fucking viper and it's really really hard to get over it... I tell myself that I'm not special all the time unconsciously. If they're people like me here, speak up. Let's help each others. I've found two useful links if you need to read about it... Don't give up. If you want to PM me and talk about it, don't hesitate. This form of OCD is not known to the public that much but I swear... It's a nightmare. I don't want to be that girlfriend. I want my SO that have a beautiful past and not be ashamed of the people he spent time with... With RJ, it's hard. Either I'm crying for hours or I'm attacking him. I've made a lot of progress so I think people can too. The first step for me was : DON'T BE ASHAMED. Everyone has weakness and you need to acknowledge that you are sensitive about that to fight it and become a better person. &lt;3

https://volatil9.tumblr.com

https://www.reddit.com/r/OCD/comments/3oyh06/beat_retroactive_jealousy_top_tips_and_resources/