I’ve gone through bouts of depression during hard times in my life but I always thought of it and reconciled it as being sad. I’ve never seen a doctor nor felt like I was depressed, but I suppose that’s because I never really understood what depression really was. 

I live in California but I flew out to Michigan to help my girlfriend pack and drive back to California. I flew out here on January 3rd thinking we would start our drive around February 6th but then she started getting really sick and it turned out that she needed to have her gallbladder removed. She finally got the surgery done afew days ago and I’ve been helping her recover through it; this was her first major surgery. 

Because the trip out here was supposed to be very temporary I never got a job out here. I’ve held a job since I was 16 and never had a time where I wasn’t working since then. Now that I’m not working and having to find ways of filling the days with things to do I’ve grown very restless. Being from California I’m not use to having freezing weather and a lot of snow, so I’m use to being able to get outside for awhile, even if it was for a walk. Being out here I can’t just go for a walk, I don’t have a job to go to or work to give me purpose and money, and it’s cold as hell all the time. 

My appetite is basically nonexistent, I don’t find enjoyment with the shows and movies I love watching, i have a very hard time getting to sleep and I always wake up early without being able to get back to sleep, I’m more irritable with things I would normally be able to just slide off my back. My girlfriend says that im depressed but I absolutely love and enjoy the time that we’re able to spend together. 

I know im not firing on all cylinders but, because I don’t have much experience in the issue, I don’t know how I can be happy being with her and spending time with her yet still be depressed. 

Is this depression or am I just having a hard time adapting to a new situation? It’s kind of scary feeling this way for the first time and I really want to understand it more but I don’t know if im right in thinking it’s just sadness coming in bouts or if she’s right that depression can be felt for a long time while someone is happy.