I look at their account a lot and watch to see who they're following to guess whether they've moved on to something better or what I don't know. I feel like I'm going mad honestly, days have gone by and nothing from them. They start following private spam accounts from other girls and I honestly feel like tearing myself apart at the seams. Why wasn't I good enough? Was I not pretty enough, not engaging enough, why am I always discarded.

I also have a smaller account on Instagram for my pottery, which helps with my bpd. I started posting more to see how they'd interact with my posts (I know not a good idea) and they liked every post. But now they didn't like a post and I'm furious. I keep thinking who else has got their attention. 

Why bother saying that they're looking forward to meeting me, that they can't wait. Why now have they suddenly gone cold. It's been nearly a week and nothing from them. I feel like ending it all they were my only purpose of living.