I am smart, loyal, generous, and highly empathic. I give amazing hugs and can make anyone laugh on a bad day. I am the kind of friend that will be at your door with soup when you’re sick or go to the doctor with you. If I care about you I care about you 110%. There is no in between. I am a mother hen to the max. 
The only people In my life that have ever truly cared and stuck around are dead. Everyone else ran like the wind. I don’t have any base of support or family so that makes it harder as I’m constantly on an endless search For relationships and friends. I feel like my bpd makes me unwanted and unlovable And I’m never going to find anyone that sticks around  , no matter what I do or how hard I try. I’m tired of people always telling me what’s wrong with me and what I need to fix on their way out . How exactly do you guys deal with this again and again and not want to drive over a cliff? I  used to be this gregarious and outgoing person and all I wanna do is seclude myself and stay away from people because I can’t take the beating again and again. How much loss can one person take? How much self-improvement must I devote to just to have a single friend ? Why can’t I find a single human being, my own family included just for one somebody that deems me “good enough “?  How hard  do I have to try?I