Arhg I'm so fucking pissed off. I'm traveling with my partner and we we're having a busy day. My mood was good but out of nowhere it shifts. Shit happens, I found a specific place I know he'll love, so we go there. Too much noise for me at this point, but I want to be here as well. Love seeing him happy. Makes me feel good, amiright?

He asks the one thing I cannot handle right now, so I say no, that is not possible right now. Next spot on our trip is better for that. He looks sad. 

We end up having a fight, I want to leave because I feel like a real burden. He tells me he was just sad because "he knows I don't want to be here". FUCK YOU. I DECIDE WHERE I WANT OR DO NOT WANT TO BE.

He struggles seeing me struggle. Shit, fuck that. I struggle anyway and fuck anyone for making me feel like shit because they *know* I struggle. I can handle so much, I'm in therapy doing nice, I have a mouth and I let you know when I hit the limit. Yes this is a bit over my limit, but I wanted to be here. Let me be, let me struggle, I can cope. 

Why can't he understand that I don't want BPD ruling my life, why can't I struggle in silence when I want to without being reminded that something is wrong with me.