I always unintentionally ruin everything for my family every year. My mom says I don’t, but I know that I do. 

This past Father’s Day before my Dad died, my Dad thought I hated him, which I did not, because he and I had a fight because he couldn’t see to help fix the sprinklers. 

In 2009, due to issues with my family and the meds I was on, I unintentionally ruined Christmas. I never will forgive myself for that. 

This Christmas, I’m having emotional issues with my mom and my sister. 

I know my sister doesn’t respect me much because she’s always ordering me around and treats me like I’m 12. 

My mom is an emotional wreck with PTSD because of my Dad’s death, and I’m trying to be there for her but I’m also trying to take care of myself. 

What’s the point in me even existing if all I ever do is unintentionally ruin everything? 

I love my family and I know they love me, but I believe they’d me much happier if I never existed