I do get a high from hanging out with people, or just preparing to. Especially with a romantic partner or close friend groups. But then while we hang out I'll get moments of feeling totally isolated, disconnected or slighted somehow. 

I'll withdraw, and when i try to engage after that get incredibly emotionally and socially drained. It feels like I'm putting so much effort into the social exchange and getting so little out, or diminishing returns throughout the hangout. 

Then when I get home, even though I've been waiting to be alone and doing something i want or just relax, i fall into a pit of depression. It's like I can't do anything at all. I watch tv without interest, scroll on my phone to kill time. Or I put myself into a spiral of social anxiety. All my plans for the night alone are shot and i hate myself for it.

I desperately want someone there with me in thkse moments and feel incredibly lonely. It's like i need that personal connection, a closeness, or I feel completely empty. 

Idk if this is depression, social anxiety, or just lacking a fulfilling social and personal life. Just a self-realization I had to get out.