Hello, I wanted to get some advice from people who have BPD/ who have friends or family members with BPD. (I am using a throw away account for annonimnnity purposes, and changing some facts, so some of the story might seem weird but I don't want to make it too obvious incase they see this) 

I have a friend who has BPD, who has hurt me quite a lot. He has done some serious things to hurt me and everyone in our friendship groups. This isn't normal bitchy stuff, it's genuine bad things they've done. 

I won't go into detail the exact scenarios, but I can give some examples of whats happened. (Btw we all live together) Basically a while ago he acted and said something that was quite offensive to me and my friends and it was really nasty of him for no reason. He acted like he didn't do anything wrong and acted like he didn't know what was up but he still ignored us and stopped talking to us and avoided us - which means he knew he did something. He also made out that the fight we had was reversed and me and my friends were being rude about the things he was saying. He 100% manipulated it to victimise himself because he was pretending that everything he we said was what he had said. And I'm not exaggerating. 

After a while we realised he wasn't going to apologise so we acted ok, it was still within us and angered us but oh well we acted civil. Our friendship wasn't the same as before, we never messaged to see each other but if we bumped into each other we still had normal interesting conversations. 

Cut to a few weeks later, he completely stopped talking to me and my friends. He doesn't make eye contact, avoids me and if we are with a group of friends he doesn't even address me, even tho I've made an effort to talk to him. I thought whatever I won't let it get to me but a few days ago I was sat with him and a few other people and he was being so passive aggressive. He was making really nasty remarks which were clearly aimed at me and friends, in a very angry manner. Any conversation topic and he was saying awful shit, relating to topics about mental health or work choices. Which is disgusting to start with since a lot of us work in the mental health sector so we were like wtf how can you say these things as a friend, a human and someone who works in that field, especially since so many of us, including him, struggle with our mental health. He was saying them with pure venom and anger, not in a conversational way. He did this about 5 times in one sitting.

After this I was done. I was like fuck that shit. I've enough to deal with, why should I spend time and make an effort with someone who makes me feel like shit, anxious and angry. My whole life I've always been too forgiving, letting people walk all over me. I don't make an effort anymore and if I see him, I avoid him at all costs. Neither of us acknowledge the others existence. Although for some reason he's been asking my other friends 'is .... Ok '. I'm like ??? If you are clueless about the situation, then that means you think we're still best friends, and if that's the case ask me then. Wtf 

Anyway I still have guilt. I know that people with BPD self sabotage relationships and friendships (correct me if I'm wrong, this is something he has said multiple times, as well as research I've done online). He has also said that people with BPD are misunderstood as manipulative. 

I always let people get away with things cuz I excuse their behaviours for their mental illnesses. And in return, it bites me in the arse. People tell me that mental illnesses are no excuse for treating people like shit. And that he has a moral conscious and has the choice to be rude or not. 

But I still feel confused and guilty. Maybe it isn't his fault he's been like this? Is it really ALL the blame on the BPD? Does that mean I should apologise for something I didn't do? I don't have much interest in fixing the friendship, his anger was so out of the blue when he was in the wrong. And I'm not being biased, all my friends who have been hurt also agree. If I'm in the wrong I'll admit it. 

But yeah, im not interested in the friendship cuz with or without diagnosis, I don't need that shit, I'm already dealing with a lot myself. However this doesn't mean that people with BPD can't ever have partners or friends does it? If I don't want to be his friend am I technically discriminating against his illness? 

What if deep down he's feeling guilty for fucking up cuz he always says he fucks up friendships and relationships and that it's cuz of his BPD. So maybe he feels bad already and I should talk to him? 

The other thing is though, I'm scared of him. When he's had delusions about people (he has told me they are delusions) it's lead to him planning out how to hurt that person, physically, like put drugs in their food, or go 'psycho' (his words not mine) and attack them. 

I know its bad but I 100% believe him, I've seen him in this state of mind. I'm scared that if I open up the conversation that he'll do that stuff to me . 

I'm sorry this is so long. I'd really appreciate some advice. I don't know what to do. Also please let me know if I've used any offensive terms or been incorrect about the diagnosis, all words I've used have come from his mouth (like manipulative) or online. 

Thanks again x