it's the same story for the last 8 years. I have these high expectations set for myself, but they never seem to work out. It's not that I'm not trying, I just simply suck at life I guess. 

I wonder if all that I'm doing and working for is even worth it. The future seems so uncertain and I just don't know where we'll be 10 years from now. 

I wonder a lot if someone like me, someone like us, can even make it in this world and be successful. It's so discouraging to take a look back at the last two years and see that not much has changed. Except maybe my rapidly declining physical and mental health. 

I'm not really sure I have the strength anymore, but I'm gonna take a big leap and put myself out there again, but better this time. If this last attempt to become successful fails and I'm in the same place next year I think I'm just gonna call it quits.  

I really hope I can make it work, I want to show others like me that there's hope, that it's possible to live the life we want. 

I know what it's like to not get up most days, to not have the will to eat, to have no one there for you,  to fall to the ground because your legs can't handle the weight of the world crushing down on you... Trust me, I know hard times. Maybe I'm delusional to think I can make this work, but fuck it, there's no other options atm. 

TL;DR - I'm gonna give my dream one more shot, but I'm so close to giving up. These last few years have been extremely tough.