Finally got back into work, I’m doing poorly but I’m doing something. I’m struggling but I was getting used to the change slowly. 

I saw getting a job back as part of my recovery but now everything else in my life is changing so rapidly that I can’t keep up and I have 0 control. Everything I do and say is 100% emotionally charged. I can’t say what I feel because all it is is just panic. Panic to try to cling onto whatever normality I had. I’m so ashamed of the shit I say and do to try to cling onto what works. 

This happens every time. Every time I try to live a normal life and walk through and enjoy it like everyone else seems to do. I just feel like an alien trying to fit in with humans.