The last month has been very dark, a war inside my head that starts and stops randomly leaving me in a desperate search of comfort(mostly weed) and company even if it's not "convenient" a word I can't seem to understand anymore(as I make any excuse that seems to make sense), for all I can remember I was always  destroying myself, I had to, I couldnt stand myself if I didn't binge on a TV series or fill the void inside me with food or sabotage a friendship that for all I know I modified myself in that person that I'm not to make work, and now I'm in my 5th and last year of college, broken, desperate and for the first time in my life I dont know what's going to happen to me, to my career, 4 years of hardwork, 4 years of combatting stress... It's all foggy now. I found out that I had BPD, all of my dreams and delusions are on hold now(which is not all bad, I'm tired of thinking that I might write that screenplay at any moment) until I find the solution, which for now doesn't exist, my family has put everything they could to help me(pay rent and living) get this far in college, today I'm going home for the first time in a month although I live 60 km away, I wanna tell someone about this, but how am I supposed to, "hey mother hey father your son of 24 is all crazy in the head, can't keep a feeling for me than 15 minutes, deal with it" I sure can't tell a friend for all I know it would be just another me burden for them. I can't seek professional help, I don't think anybody knows what BPD is in Morocco. Please any idea( if you have been in my place before) might be helpful. 
