People in my life simply expect too much sometimes. I do the best I can with the resources I have (internet and books) and I have a pretty bad learning disability so self teaching has never been something I am great at, and a lot of the DBT confuse me, but it's not as if I am not trying. I don't exactly have any support in my life, and I am very aware how volatile my moods are and how fast my moods change, I am working on it, but I am not a miracle worker, I can't fix everything, and I do the best I can with what I have and I wish people would understand that and not try to compare me to a typical 40 something, I am not a typical 40 something, issues run so deep there is no way I could ever overcome them all on my own.

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Yes, I do know I need help, but unfortunately live where psychological services/therapy/counseling are not a covered medical services, and I can't afford the rates these professionals charge, and there isn't exactly a huge number willing to accept and treat BPD patients to begin with. The low cost places take low hanging fruit, complex disorders they skip or say not within their mandate, BPD patients take too much time and well limited funds, so not their fault just how the system is set up.

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I do see a psychiatrist a few times a year, but nothing a psychiatrist can do.

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I just wish people would understand I am doing the best I can with what I have, I try self help, I am working on learning skills on my own, but I am not a miracle worker.

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Sorry for the rant.