Hey Folx/Folks of r/BPD,

I’ve been thinking a lot about this guy that I dated a little bit because we both hooked up and he wanted to date me afterwards.

I ended it brutally after inviting him out for dinner, and said that I was a control freak and he is too easy going. Basically, I rudely pointed out that we weren’t a match, rather than trying to improve things and be more positive about it.

I find that this is a habit that I have when it comes to relationships, but I never experience it at work, with friends, or with family.  With the other areas of life, I communicate what could be done to improve it, seek advice, or just have a friendly talk with the person I have a problem with. When it comes to relationships, I look for things that are going wrong and blow it up and run away from them.... and I do this before it could become a relationship like on the first or third date. I just can’t seem to find the trigger that develops this unreasonable fear with romance.

DAE experience something similar to this? What are your ways of coping, or working on moving forward?

How can I keep myself from doing this kind of self-sabotage?

I feel that I have improved a lot since I was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago with working through why I had done a lot of bad things(those things may be triggering for some of you) that set me back in life. Then working on moving past those things to healthier habits, and being kinder to myself.  This in turn made me better for the people in my life. Basically I am mostly better since being diagnosed. 

TLDR: I have a habit of ruining relationships before they start. I want to figure out how to stop this form of self sabotage.