He broke up with me out of compassion fatigue, telling me to get better if I want to get back with him again, but I had the right to be angry at what he did during the fight that split us up.... I just wasn’t backing down like he expected me to.

He told me he wanted to remain friends after we broke up, but slept with the ex he told me to never worry about within a month after leaving me. When I talked to him about it, he claimed I helped cause it because “she has the traits you don’t anymore.”

When I asked to go no contact after the incident, he called me twice the next day. I couldn’t get myself to ignore him because I knew he was in a bad place. But I was too hurt. He left me. So I told him I want to cut contact again. He didn’t say a word and angrily hung up on me.

I broke in and messaged him today, about 2 weeks later, because I missed him. He was *still* mad. He claims I faked a friendship with him and “left” him when he needed me most. He told me he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.

My former therapist never fully diagnosed me with BPD (just “Pretty severe PTSD and maybe some BPD symptoms” after I brought it up myself). It never made sense to me, since I related to a lot of the symptoms and posts here, especially in this particular relationship. But these days, I wonder if I was just reacting to a bad relationship and I convinced myself I have a personality disorder. This would explain why I didn’t show much fear of abandonment or emotional regulation problems until 8 months into the relationship when he started hanging out with female friends who were hitting on him and refused to listen to my concern.

He wasn’t a terrible person. He actually had amazing characteristics and people around us would constantly tell me how supportive he is of me. He was forgiving and honest and would go an extra mile to see me smile. But I don’t know. I guess I’ll never know the truth because of the way my mind works. 