And Severe depression (which is lessening due to antidepressants), and severe anxiety (which has decreased due to antianxiety meds). 

With all my problems, I don't think I can find someone who will love me. I'm really... Alone. Not only lonely, but I don't really have anyone to talk to. I have friends but we're not close. Just more like acquaintances. I can make small talk just fine. "How's the weather." "How are you today, yeah, I'm fine". But I can't make lasting connections with anyone. 

I just... How does someone get okay with not having anyone? 

I have supportive parents, but my siblings are estranged. My brother insists on calling me by my used-to-be middle name. Instead of my name now. My sister was really close to me growing up, but she married a douche and moved 6 hours away. We don't really connect, and haven't for the past few years. And my oldest brother just doesn't talk to me. At all. I've reached out to him but he's 8 or so years older than me and busy with his life. 

I'm starting to tear up writing this. I haven't told anyone this. Not even my therapist. 

I'm find myself very self conscious... And ugly. People have called me beautiful though. I just have blown every relationship I've started due to my problems.

I don't think I'll find anyone. Not even friends.