...The more I think I have BDP disorder and why it's impacted my life in almost every facet. I think my depression is even an extension of it. What's the first step to getting diagnosed? I have a huge abandonment fear that've harbored for a very long time, and its seeping into my current relationship, one I don't think I can continue because I see her only once a week (LDR, come winter I'll see her less and less). I'm lonely all the time and feel like disappearing altogether. I'm also obsessed with being on time and the truth.