This is my first post so if I'm doing anything wrong let me know.

I have borderline and it is destroying my relationship, the thing I love the very most. I suffer from paranoid delusions in which I will truly believe my lovely boyfriend is cheating on me, and I will lash out at him so terribly. I feel like I cannot control myself. Today I did the worst thing I have ever done. In a fit of jealous insanity, I took his phone while he was sleeping, I went through all his pictures, and deleted every picture of his ex girlfriend that he had on there. As soon as I did it I was overwhelmed with guilt and terror at my actions. I was so afraid, I just wanted to run away. I started frantically packing my things, and he asked me what I was doing and I broke down and confessed everything. He is rightfully so hurt and furious, and he has every right to be. I went through his phone once before but never deleted anything (I also told him immediately and he was very hurt and betrayed but we managed to work past it). How could I have done that to someone I love so much? I feel like a literal monster. I'm an abusive partner who controls their lover's life with spying and insults. I have to change but I don't know how!

My relationship is going to be destroyed if I don't stop. Can someone please help me? I've been in therapy and we go to therapy together to someone I've been seeing for three years. I'm not on any medication. My boyfriend and I have been together over a year and a half. He is truly the love of my life and I am shocked and ashamed at my actions. If you have overcome overwhelming jealousy and insecurity from your borderline, please share how you did it with me. 