lately i have discovered that i do not “love.” i may obsess over people, but it is pure infatuation. i don’t actually love that person. 
in moments where i am supposed to feel butterflies or happiness or love, i don’t. i feel nothing. just static. just an empty void. 

i sometimes feel like i shouldn’t ever date anybody again. i don’t want to mess up another person’s life with my disorder, and my inability to feel romantic love. 

i see lots of people saying that those with BPD are completely capable of loving and committed relationships, but i simply do not think i am. 

i am still young though. maybe i will love someday?