blank anxiety, as im just calling it, is something that's been present for a long time but i've been unable to notice. when i've done something stupid, like sent a friend a depressed message or made a fool out of myself online and have to face the fallout in the morning, i'm always willing to face it head on but my brain... shuts off. it isnt even that its unwilling to confront it, whatever's stressing me out just blanks out of my head entirely like the barely-feeling anxiety is like a stonewall hiding those issues from me. I'll roll around in bed for about 45 minutes before finally mustering up the courage to check my inbox only to find that it wasnt worth getting so worked up over.

the human brain sucks.