I love him so much, I would be so much better for him than her. Never have I ever loved anyone so bad in my life, but she has him hypnotized. I'll never be as pretty as she is, and life goes on for them. I'll never have a normal mind. I will always be jealous of those more pretty and smart than me. 

Why wasn't I born pretty? It makes me so angry to see pretty girls in public, because they have what I will never have. A genuine relationship with an actually decent guy. I will never have that, and it makes me so angry. He was the only one for me, and I feel so worthless because of how ugly I am. I have started so much trouble with people over this. They probably just think I'm a bad person, but I'm just obsessed with how prettier they are. I hate being so jealous!

My brain feels like it's going to explode, sometimes. So much failure, and trauma, and abusive relationships. I want to just end it all and die sometimes. In my darker phases, I want to hurt younger girls in the same way I was hurt. I hope this goes away someday, but I know it won't.