I get lost in panic because theres so much I have to do in order to feel better. I know what work there is to do and its so much that it makes me immediately wanna just cry instead of work towards my goal, but keeping a goal is even harder. I just can't keep thinking in patterns like I do now because I'm failing. My goals feel like a thousand miles away with no way to reach them anyway. So why, why, why do I keep just acting like I'm totally fine with just going through day to day bullshit. I can't keep thinking this way, I'm gonna ruin my day and everyone's around me because people can usually tell when I'm dissociated and weird and then its my fault things suck and I cant go tothe hospital because my meds dont work so whats the point and fucking with my brain and trying more in a short period of time with psychs who dont know me. Luke when will I actually feel better yall, do I keep taking my meds or say fuck it like I want to