Hi people, I would appreciate your advice since I am in deep trouble.

Me in "short":
I am 25 years old and I had an amazing childhood.
In my teens I was too aware of some things that should be worrying an adult and not a teenager. I was aware of my family poor financial situation and I felt like a burden, not being able to help but being an "expenditure on the paper". I never told this to anyone but I felt like this through whole highschool.
I quit college in order to start earning money and somehow help my parents even if it's 1%. They were owning money to the bank due to some poor decisions but the country made it 10x worse to handle with it's poor banking regulations. We also Lost the apartment and it made a scar on me for life for some reason...
I have never had a real relationship, and the 3 girlfriends I had were merely an experience along the way. I cut those connections as I wasn't prepared to see where it can go over time.
For the past 5 years, I am living the same day every day. I'm used to being alone and it led to me being socially awkward and all.
I haven't felt a real emotion for 3 to 4 years. No sad, no happy, no real laughs but I'm able to make others laugh tho.

NOW

About 3 years ago I came at peace with being alone and not wanting anything else but to live every day the same until the past couple of months.
I met this girl at work, and as each day passed we were talking more and more. We are going home the same way so basically we spent some extra time together.
As each day passed I feel more drawn to her and it hurts.
She is like a breath of fresh air in the morning, and I can't stand it.
She likes to spend time with me but I can't stand it and I know that I am going to push her away soon. She is in a relationship and thinks I am a friend, not that I would try anything since I am toxic to others long term vise.
1. Should I tell her to stay away and explain why?
2. Will it ever be better for me than this? I am at the end of my Patience as each day passes it's depressing...
3. How do I start to change?

Thanks!