I genuinely don't even know where I'm going to go with this post. I was repeatedly emotionally abused by a 'best friend,' for almost ten years, and that is all something I obviously cannot squeeze into one post. 
At two o'clock this morning, she randomly sent me a friend request. I messaged her to please not try to contact me or reignite a friendship, and she said that that was perfectly fine, but demanded closure and an explanation as to why I ended our friendship "out of the blue." 

I was pretty astounded that she said that. "Out of the blue." 

So I told her. 

I addressed the way she made me feel, gaslit, alone, like I was a bad friend, constantly, for years. I told her that our friendship was always one sided. That the biggest issue was that she'd never, ever, speak to me. She would appear out of the blue, ask to hang out, and then stand me up. No telling me she couldn't do it, no cancel texts, absolutely nothing. I would be waiting for her outside/designated place and she would never come. And then not text me for several months, only to do the exact same thing again. That I'd be humiliated for falling for it every time, heart broken, move on, forget about her.

Then every time I forgot about her, she would appear again. Every. Time. Trying to reignite a friendship. *Every time* I was doing perfectly fine without her. It was a cycle.

She messaged me back FRANTIC. She talked.. total shit, lol. I mean.. she said baadd stuff. Bad. Even targetting my mental illness, and PTSD. Saying it was to blame and made it impossible to stand me, that I always made her feel like the bad guy. (I *promise* you, reader, this was *literally* the first time I *ever* confronted her or told her how she made me feel. I swear that on my entire life.) 

Then blocked me so I couldn't say anything. 

At 11 o'clock this morning, she texted me even *more* shit, even *worse* shit, and told me to "Go complain to your buddies. That's all you ever do. Never take responsibility for yourself." 

(She knows I use several BPD support groups. Hell, she'll probably see this.) 

And I know that she said it on purpose so I'd be self conscious and possibly keep quiet about the things she said. She won't even tell me what *I've* done, and literally nothing comes to mind when she says I've made her feel bad. Up until twelve hours ago, I always forgave her, always made excuses for her, and told her everything she did was fine, and understandable, and okay. 

But that was all she would say. I make her feel like the bad guy. The rest was literally just targeting my mental illness. 

It was so bad at 2am, that I sobbed 'til 8am and nearly called an ambulance to go to the hospital, I thought I'd kill myself. [Which is not solely her fault, only a straw on the camels back. I would never put that on her alone, or say something like that about someone.]

And then, I just woke up to her text at eleven. Where I'm probably blocked again and can't say anything. I replied asking her to be more specific, that it was unfair she could defend herself and I couldn't, but she probably blocked me and won't get them. I blacklisted her number just in case. 

And now, here I am, heart completely racing, doing exactly what she said I would. Complain about it, and probably make it look biased because it's only one side of the story. Not taking responsibility for whatever I did - because I genuinely do not know what I could have done. I don't even say that to sound holier-than-thou-do-no-wrong. I am, truly, completely, clueless. 

I don't know what to do. I feel really, really bad. 

I can't think of anyone else to talk to, so I'm kind of shoving it on your guy's shoulders. I don't know. I'm sorry. Thank you if you've read this far on a lengthy, probably petty and childish post, lol. 