Hello! I'm 19 years old and the only child of a mother diagnosed with BPD. I'm not posting in the "raised by borderlines" sub because I'm unconvinced by the belief that a parent cannot be abusive and also genuinely loving. My mother is both and cutting her out of my life, even though I've been told to do so many times, is simply not an option. She's done, on the whole, more good than harm if only by bringing me into this world and supporting me in the ways she knew how. 

So I'm here for your help. I want to tell my story to the other side. I write the following not out of anger but out of hurt and confusion as well as a real desire to forgive, heal, and possibly understand. 

Basically, I cannot understand why my mom treats my dad like he's a total and complete piece of garbage. It just breaks my heart to the point where I cry when I think about it. Why, for example, won't she divorce my dad if he really is as "heartless, cruel, unloving, abusive and mentally ill" as she always tells me he is? And how she can say those things about such a mellow and kind-hearted man, at least from my point of view (am I not seeing something here?)? How can she rail day and night against the man who has worked, without complaint, like a SLAVE to cater to the every whim of my mom as well as financially support my liberal arts college tuition and my mom's shopping addiction, despite the abuse he receives on a daily basis? I'm not saying he's perfect -- he has made some mistakes -- but overall I truly believe he is a VERY kind husband, father and person. He definitely falls within the normal -- if not exceptional -- range of human behavior. Why does she think his is ''evil'' and thus justify years and years of verbally and physically assaulting him in front of me (she's bitten him, made him bleed, smashed his head into a bathtub, thrown a blow dryer at him, and a lot more not to mention all the verbal abuse, the hundreds of nights of screaming at him for hours until he was literally on his knees begging for forgiveness and unable to function at work the next day due to sleep deprivation)? And, lastly, how can she justify using me like a pawn every time they fight, telling me what to say to hurt him most, threatening me to defend her ''or else''? Does she have any idea how awful it was for me? Does she have any guilt about it?

Well, my parents finally got separated, but not divorced.  Now, my dad barely gets to see me (wasn't even allowed to come drop me off at college) but still wakes up, walks to a job he hates and completely supports both my mom and I, all while living in complete filth himself in the unfinished basement of a storage unit full of my mom's hoarded items. There's barely room to walk. He has no car, has to shower at his work, can only afford Ramen Noodles. It's sad. I've seen him maybe once this year and I started crying when I saw how depressing and gross his little air mattress and smelly sheets looked on the floor, surrounded by a billion boxes. What makes it all worse is that my mom keeps planning vacations for me and her and buying me expensive clothes with HIS MONEY, even though SHE hasn't worked for years. It's just not fair. I'm wracked with guilt about the whole situation. I really can't take it anymore. I can barely concentrate, but if I say something I'm afraid she'll freak out on me and things between my mom and I are better than they've ever been. SO, that's it. I know there's probably nothing you can do and I totally get that. Just wanted to let it out, as they say. If I sounded angry, I wasn't. Just exasperated. Confused. A little guilty.

Thanks for reading and hugs to ALL of you, BPD or not. You do deserve love :)