Hi everyone 

I need help to break from a deeply-ingrained toxic habit.

I always, always, without fail, always freeze whenever I'm in a situation where someone disrespects or insults me and I need to speak up or stand up for myself or confront them.

I just go through this analysis paralysis, thinking of a million reasons why I shouldn't say anything, like:

It's not worth it

They didn't mean it

Don't stoop to their level

And the most frequent excuse by far:

I'm being too sensitive

The thing is, I \*am\* too sensitive. I get offended too easily. And since I find it so difficult to distinguish between when someone should actually be called out on something and when I'm just being a sourpuss, I just opt to keep my mouth shut  to avoid escalating into unnecessary conflict. So I stay silent, paralyzed, until I can fully process the incident in my mind and possibly consult a few people close to me on what they would have done in such a scenario, and of course by then it's too late to go back to the incident and react. So I'm just left with the lingering anger at the person concerned, and at myself mostly, for letting myself down yet again.

Then my rumminating mind keeps playing out all these ideal ways I shoulda woulda coulda handled the situation, showed strength, stood up for myself, and moved on with life. 

I \*know\* this does no good. I \*know\* it's the past and I can't change anything. But I still do it, every time. My conscious and subconscious do not overlap in this topic. And it's making me physically sick and not able to live my life in a healthy way. I'm tired of this cycle of fear and then regret and sitting and crying for having been so weak and the ensuing depression afterwards.

Please help. I've tried therapy but it didn't help much and it's so expensive where I live, and not covered by insurance. I need to learn to stop fearing confrontation, or to be less easily offended, or a mixture of both :(