Me and my ex both have BPD.... Our relationship was messy and Ill admit I have no idea what kind of person he is. The black and white when it comes to him is so bad, my friends are all saying hes super toxic and bad but our relationship issues werent just him. I was also contributing equally but they find justifications and exuses for me so it doesnt feel fair. All the excuses they use for me I can apply equally to him.

The biggest issue in our relationship is he began cheating on me. He told me sex is a very impulsive coping mechanism for him and eventually said he wanted an open relationship or we should break up. I was understanding as ive been self harming for years and understand how hard it is to curb.  I agreed for all the wrong reasons (because i didnt wanna lose him) but the real issue with it kept on. He lied, constantly. I did tell him i didnt like the idea of sharing him, and that he said things to other women he never said to me and acted like he wanted them more than me to which he said "sex with the same person gets boring"

I kept trying to tell him if he just was honest and said he was going to hook up, or see someone it wouldnt bother me. But the lying and doing it sneakily hurt me. Having conversations about what he does to hurt me always end up with "how you feel isnt my fault".

I know thats crap of him, but hes also been there for me on a level no one else has, helped me through crisis, gave me advice, weve both confided our deepest thoughts, feelings and secrets. 

But on the other hand he also struggled to show up for me as I would have liked. He never wanted to meet my friends, hed say hed pick me up from something and then just not show. Hed ask me on a date then just not say anything to me the whole time. Hed constantly break up with me whenever he was splitting and tell me he doesnt want a girlfriend and not once did he ever apologize for the things he said to me during those. Once it got so bad that I told him he should just hit me instead because he was doing the emotional equivalent and he finally snapped out of it. 

Anytime I tried to initiate conversation about how something he may have done or said hurt me, he told me my feelings were on me. He once even said my feelings were stupid. 

But then hes also sweet, loving, kind and done loads of kind things for me too. 


Now that we are broken up, we still hang out... constantly, we snuggle, we hold hands occasionally, we sleep together and have sex. Im not dumb, hes obviously still sleeping with other people and he definitely doesnt hide it as much now but a part of me nags that this is how he wanted it all along. Me completely stuck on him, without him having to do anything in return. 

I mean I clean his apartment, do his laundry, cook for him, I am always emotionally there for him. He asked me recently if I am sleeping with anyone else and when I said no he said "good". He didnt talk to me for 2 days cause he assumed i had sex with my female roomate because i said we were talking and hanging out and that it "hurt his feelings" but yet... we arent together, and hes the one who broke up with me. I feel like he wants me to his girlfriend but doesnt wanna be my boyfriend if that makes sense and im so completely tied into knots in my head that I cant tell up from down with him anymore.