I often catch myself fantasizing about my suicide, or fantasize about anything bad that might happen to me or my family/friends. Suicidal fantasies are always in my head whether when I am out or when I am in my room alone. I know it sounds fucked up but I like to think of how sad people will be when I am dead, and this makes me cry but also it makes me feel good knowing that people will feel sad when I am gone. 