DAE have issues making time for people in your life? I have a small but very close network of friends and then my very immediate family who have always been my biggest support system.

But then there is my dad and his family. My dad was not really present in my life for the first 10+ years, as in not there at all.

I reached out to him when I was 12 after finding his mum’s contact info in my mother’s things. His family welcomed me in, (aside from his younger sister who is manipulative af and a whooooole other storie I won’t get into right now) but I find myself having issues really making time for them.

I’m anxious and depressed the majority of the time and really just trying to work on my relationship with myself more than anything. Even so I try to put a lot of effort into my relationships with the people that have been in my life from the beginning. As well as my small friend group who are more like family.

It feels natural to do so.

So why even after all these years have passed since I was brought into my dads side of the family do I still feel out of place?

Some times I wonder if it’s a subconscious wall I built up. None of them tried to contact me all during those years. I feel like if I hadn’t done so it never would have happened, so even though I love (most) of them as people they aren’t in the foreground of my mind in terms of making time for people.

I really do feel terrible.. I don’t want to miss out on a relationship with them but I also feel as though if they had been around in the beginning they would be instinctively in my circle of “natural” contacts.. it goes both ways, yknow?

I’m not even sure if any of this makes sense, I think I’m mostly trying to get my jumbled thoughts out.