I had an idea to post a long couple of paragraphs to explain what is going on in my life and why it has lead to such a terrible desperation to feel better, but I just no longer have the energy. I feel like Ron Livingston in Office Space when he is talking to the hypnotherapist and says that each passing day is the worst day of his life. I have tried going to friends, family, and professionals but have not received any helpful advice or suggestions. I really don't want to hurt anyone close to me, but I REALLY don't want to wake up feeling worse than this again. I don't even know why I posted this, I guess just trying to find someone else who can understand the terrible fucking feeling. /rant