We were still on friendly terms as recently as yesterday. Unfortunately earlier I found out she’d lied to me about a few things, namely that she wasn’t seeing anyone after suddenly breaking up with me and not talking to me. Turns out she was seeing someone even BEFORE breaking up with me. Judging by when he had started liking and commenting on her posts again (old friend of hers who she swore she hated and didn’t have feelings for), he reappeared in her life in early October and by late October she’d tossed me away for him.


Words can’t express how hurt I am. I asked her in a civil manner if she’d given me the entire truth, and she spoke in 1-2 word responses and didn’t really answer yes or no. I said I was so hurt and didn’t understand why she wouldn’t just tell me the truth, we were on good terms after all, I thought. She blocked me at some point after that, I don’t know when. I don’t understand what happened to make me go from 100 to 0 for her in less than 2 weeks. I feel so stupid missing her when all she’s done lately is hurt me without any explanation or apology, and I won’t lie it’s not meshing too well with my depression.


Is it true that many people with BPD don’t handle confrontation well? Is that it? I was very civil and tried to be polite and even then giving her the benefit of the doubt, even when I already knew the truth. I loved her and cared for her greatly. I don’t know what made her turn so cold when 2 weeks ago she was telling me how much she misses me and loves me. I’m so hurt.


I know it’s not healthy but I still want her back. Even though I have my doubts about EVERYTHING now. I don’t know what parts of our relationship and later of our friendship were actually real. Was I just a source of attention and comfort? Was I a replacement because her and her “friend” had a falling out, and as soon as he came back, I wasn’t needed anymore? Am I supposed to hate her for that, after giving her the benefit of the doubt multiple times when in actuality she had been lying the whole time? How can I trust anything anymore, she used to screenshot his texts and badmouth him to me, and she really made him seem like an abusive psycho, so I can’t imagine what she’s saying about me.


The rest of the day I’ve just been trying to sleep in hopes that I don’t wake up. There were warning signs, so many stories that matched exactly what had happened, and I ignored them and said she wasn’t abusive and that she was the sweetest person in the world. I know it’s just the BPD that made her act so coldly all of a sudden, but it really really rattles me and makes me feel so empty. She was so important to me, and I’m dead to her.


I don’t know what to do. I assume she’ll either never come back or come back in a few months, but at that point, should I even give her the time of day? I’m so extremely hurt by what she’s done, after all the trust and support and care I’ve given her. I wasn’t even very upset by her lying about it, I was just confused. I didn’t get why she wouldn’t tell me the truth, and I assumed she would come clean if asked about it politely, but instead she just leaves. I regret everything. It’s probably for the best, but I still regret it. And it hurts so bad and feels so shitty to say, but AS OF RIGHT NOW I honestly wish I had never met her. She was the most incredible person I’ve ever met and I was certain we’d always be friends, and now the pain is unbearable.


I don’t know what this post is meant to accomplish, I guess it’s just venting. I’m so devastated. There’s no way of bringing her back, and even if I were to contact her I’m pretty sure she hates me now. It’s horrible.