i've always kinda had this thing but the lockdown trauma response made it waaaaay worse. if i don't hang out with someone for more than one or two days, i feel like i'm a gadget in a standby mode - i don't shower, i don't eat, i can't do anything, i don't clean my house. i feel like even the very basic things i do like personal hygiene is only for other people. i live alone, i work from home, and right now i socialize less than usual because i decided to ditch mass events and do something like partial self-isolation until i get my second shot of the covid vaccine. i also go to bars way less than usual because i quit drinking three weeks ago and i'm trying to spend less money (when i go to bars, i drink only non-alcoholic beer, i do it when i have cravings, no worries). also, the only people i talk to regularly are my parents and my best friend who is out of town right now. not that i can't do anything alone, i can, the thing is that i'm so tired of being such a loner. i feel like i'm literally dead. it's not painful, it's just feeling numb and spending most of my time dissociating.