 i feel always invalid in my diagnosis because when i get (hypo)manic i don’t get like… outwardly crazy? idk how to put it 
but my parents didn’t think i had bipolar for the longest time because “if you were really manic, everyone would know”
i usually just come across like i had an extra good day because my fear of breaking social norms trumps my weird brain chemistry but inwardly i’m losing my shit. like a kaleidoscope image or a bunch of shattered glass shards 
i have the depression side DOWN though so a common thought of mine is just “what if i’m actually completely normal and im just really fragile minded and can’t cope?” 
i usually do any weird impulsive shit on my own in my room which i’m grateful for but also feel fake for?? most of it goes on internally and there really isn’t any bipolar people i can talk and compare experiences to
i can feel myself slipping though so that’s great