trigger warning for mild self harm later in, spoilered.
hello. i have had concerns that i might be showing strong symptoms of bpd for the entire year, and after educating myself on the symptoms of bpd ive realized ive heavily related to alot of them and alot of struggles pwbpd go through for multiple years now. im not asking to be diagnosed, just if i actually show symptoms for if these are just me overthinking my mental health, and if my expirence sounds any similar to someone with bpd.

for context, im a female highschooler. around mid december, i had a falling out with a partner at the time. we only knew eachother for a measly 3 months before said falling out, but they were 100% the most important person and thing to be during those 3 months, and i still harbor similar feelings. it wasnt a simple teenage breakup, they were concerned about both of our mental wellbeings and said that they couldn't provide what i needed from them. i was incredibly clingy, which is really how i am to anybody that i feel really emotionally connected with, and in hindsight they were definitely an fp. i got extremely upset, not mad or anything but helpless, as i knew that if we were to separate i would just feel depressed. i expressed something like that to them and they raised concerns of bpd symptoms, and looking back it definitely seems like i was splitting. i felt that everything could only end up one of two ways. it was because of that conversation that i looked into bpd, and over the course of many months obsessed over my mental health and figuring out what could be wrong with me. ive spent countless of hours looking up questions, reading dozens of factual information and personal experiences, and contemplating on if i actually have symptoms or if its something else. ive also looked alot into other illnesses that are very similar to bpd, such as bipolar. in the past, even all the way back to elementary school, ive always had this strange obsession with other kids in my class, like a need to be around them. i had pretty bad mood swings that were always caused by something, and felt absolutely terrible when my current 'fp' acted negatively towards me. i definitely have trauma from my childhood, i was really neglected and never learned how to understand or handle my emotions, among other things. the second semester of last school year, after winter break ended was the worst ive ever felt. i can confidentiality say that since maybe february i havnt had consistent communication with anybody. when i was with my last fp, i stopped spending as much time with others around me, but i still had about 2 friends when winter break ended. i felt so scared of experiencing that again though, that i might become that attached to someone again, that i stopped initiating contact, and they stopped checking up on me. i would physically shake anytime anybody would text me and wished so hard that they would just forget about me, but felt terrible when nobody cared to talk to me. ive convinced myself that they dont care about me, including all of the friends i had before december. last time i actually talked to anybody outside of family/teachers was probably march, and ive had no physical contact with friends since september. in terms of family, i feel extremely emotionally disconnected with them and would much rather spend my time alone then with them.

since schools out, though, ive had a lot less stimulus to affect my mood. its been pretty stable with a constant emptiness, but much better then i felt when i saw people ignore me or had incredible urges to get to know specific people but felt like i physically couldn't. is this usual, to have breaks in the severe symptoms for months on end? or was i just going to a bad separation and was actively making it so much worse then it should've been? i understand that teenagers are especially difficult to pin down with bpd behavior since hormones and such. i want to reiterate, i dont want to have bpd. i understand that it can be a very painful mental illness, but i dont want to ignore it if i do actually have it and watch myself get worse. i also still feel the same when it comes to contacting people, with that physical inability and such.
i will say, though, while i get very frustrated easily 
&gt;!often hit myself when frustrated,!&lt; and it very frequently feels like all of my emotions are multiplied by 5, i dont ever lash out at people. i definitely get the urge to, but always feel in enough control to leave the situation. i could never imagine myself lashing out against someone i loved, although that is likely due to my lack of life expirence.

ive also experienced difficulty with my identity, not knowing who i am and my goal for myself changing monthly. ive also deleted instagram (i redownload it often out of anxiety), my only source of contact with people, due to impulsively posting on my private story after months of dead silence or texting someone i shouldn't have. anytime i get those impulses, it feels like i can feel every second go by and cant sleep, cant do anything else without fulfilling said impulse even if im 100% aware of the negative outcomes it could have. 
apologies for how long-winded this was. i do want to make clear i dont ever go on tiktok, i fully understand how many teenagers delude themselves due to that platform and i want nothing to do with it. i am currently seeing a therapist, just finished a treatment plan, but when i brought up a possibility of bpd he dismissed it pretty quickly and stated he didnt have much experience in personality disorders. should i keep trying to persist a possible evaluation? feel free to ask any questions, ill try to answer them to the best of my ability.