Long story but I need serious help. I suffer from extreme social anxiety and am super awkward in any social interaction. First things first, I grew up from birth to 12 years old without my mom. I lived with my grandparents as a kid till I was 10-11 and they became my everything. My dad lived with them also and he was everything as well. Around 10-11 my dad met a women whom he married later on but as they got a place together, I was forced to move out and live with them. I was unhappy. When I disobeyed, I was sentenced to my room full of books for days, even weeks to months at a time and only allowed out for school, food and was restricted from visiting my grandparents who lived 8 minutes away. We moved to a house and that was when she became mentally and emotionally abusive. I felt trapped, depressed and hurt because I had that attachment to my grandparents. I dealt with all these things for years. My mom moved to town and I jumped to the conclusion of moving in with her. My dad dropped me off at her house with all my things and said he’s yours to her. I wasn’t able to communicate with him for years after this. I lived with her and was allowed to play videos games all the times and be able to get away with much more things on disobeying. I was transferred to so many schools and moving to a different town from my home town. I found out my grandparents were moving out of state across the country as well. Couple years later I got around a bad group of friends and started smoking weed and getting in trouble. My mom eventually kicked me out when I was 16 and I was on my own. I was in the streets and got hooked on drugs and did what I did. I felt a fun I never felt before like I felt accepted by everyone. Got hooked on hard drugs for years and when I got clean my mom let me move back in 2 years ago. My mom is in my life and my dad also came back in my life. I suffer from extreme social anxiety and can’t act normal when put in a social conversation. I feel as if I disassociate mentally when put in a conversation and can’t stop moving my eyes all over the room. I’ll even disassociate at work when put in a stressful situation of trying to figure something out. I can’t make eye contact and panic when put in an upsetting conversation. Im a loving kind person who loves to help but I can’t help but try to escape when put in a social conversation or a situation I have to figure out and begin to panic. I could use some advice and help, you’ll change my world. Thank you