I am a 30 year old, nearly 31. I am contemplating a lot and I realized I had been sure in the past that by this time I would have figured my life out. I didn't and I don't know if I ever will. (Sorry for the long post and also for my phrasing/grammar: English is not my first language) 

I have a good job with an OK salary and I am working from home from the beginning of the pandemic. I had the chance to get an MSc and I am working for 6 years now more or less on the same field. I have a relationship close to 6 years long. I am relatively healthy. I know I am lucky because I live in a nice flat, can buy my food, have access to healthcare, etc. 

But I am so dysfunctional at this point that when it comes to my job, every small task means a huge effort to me and costs a lot of mental and physical energy. I feel like I make stupid, amateur mistakes because I just try to survive, and at this point I wish I had no responsibilities at all as I don't trust myself not making errors. Taking up on new things makes me even more scared rather than excited. I also lack career aspirations. The company culture is all in all nice and supportive, the problem is me. 

I feel like my relationship should have led somewhere by now, and while I do not plan to have kids, commitment in the form of marriage is something I wanted. My partner does not feel ready for such things. (And honestly, it is not just the paper I would want, but rather the depth of the relationship. I don't think I would say yes if he proposed now). While I know this is not ideal, I feel like I would be even more like "nothing" and worthless if I would break up with him. 

I have a couple of health problems, but nothing major thankfully. I am more or less at the end of finding the reason for my misterious belly pain (IBS, SIBO, reflux, gastritis), however I also got into a hypochondriac spiral in the meantime as I got scared of having something more serious. I feel tired all the time, barely able to get through the day, and very much struggling with waking up. If I am alone at home I don't even eat for half a day or longer. 

I watch my friends (or rather acqaintences at this point - somehow I lost the drive to really keep in touch with them as I feel like there is nothing really interesting in my life) and I see them getting married, having kids, and progressing with their career/life, generally knowing what they are doing. 

I feel like there are people who are able to figure their life out, but either I missed this train timewise, or I was never this type. I find momentary distractions, but that is all, and I feel like it will not get better. 

I wish I could take a break from my life, but I need to earn money to maintain myself (even though I could support myself for a few months), but what if I dont find a good job after... So instead of enjoying it, I would just be an anxious mess feeling like a failure. 

I feel like a dysfunctional, pathetic and incompetent adult. 

Can anyone relate?