Hi y'all, hope this doesn't break any rules. Only slept for 4.5 hours last night, feel fine, was yelling at people about how much I loved their artwork today, tried sleeping and couldn't, bursting with love, talking fast, jittery, dog is picking up on it, forcing myself not to argue, and zero fear.

I think my doctors were right ten years ago when they diagnosed me. The only thing that has really been helping me stay stable has been alcohol, but I quit that. Psychiatrist prescribed lamictal last week, and my therapist feels it may very well actually be bipolar after all, and I'm convinced. Probably going to ask for abilify again because lamictal seems to just be sugar pills or something, and it's a good one. Idk though I want to retain my creativity even though my mortal frame is too small to contain it if that makes sense.

 Have autism as well, so psychotic features have always been pedantically reality checked and filed away in my mind as interesting, real-seeming imaginations. Even that time I was under the distinct impression that there was a cloaked spacecraft in orbit that was beaming ideas at people (a weird two weeks, to be sure. I shared it with an old friend but constantly reassured him this was just some fascinating magical thinking with no direct evidence and I was aware that while unreal, this was still a strong idea). This is likely hypomania right now triggered by me quitting alcohol and "someone who is not me" quitting pot.

There's some literature that I've read about how since autistic people are very rigid, literal-minded realists and bipolar people are very capricious magical thinkers, having both kind of incompletely (not a typo) cancel each other out in strange and interesting ways. Bipolar disorders of some sort also affect 27% of autistic people if I remember my stats correctly, so this isn't all that special. Kinda nice to know about though.

The short and long is that it's probably best to just take my meds and get stable instead of self medicating. Nobody likes an armchair psychiatrist who prescribes booze for themselves. Have a nice night everyone and I hope you get more sleep than I do. Bipolar is a serious condition, be patient. Much love 🥰