So this whole entire summer has been a cluster fuck of life blowing up plus being sick for a month. 

I went through the shitty poor hygiene and sad crying phase. Including numb feels and crying in public behind sunglasses. I swung into anger and rage. Bopped briefly calm and sanity. Went back into anger, but using anger as fuel to protect those I care for and the special crafted balance that comes from years of trauma and learning to be cold but pissed and motivated. I’ve been stupidly behind in work and I can’t logically catch up or stay awake long enough to do so. This whole time I’ve been hyperfocus speaking and typing in paragraphs. But keeping up with my email is a mountain. Anything that involves sitting still is the absolute worst. While I’m glad to not be stuck in bed like past times of world crashes… I just wish my brain could focus on the tasks it needs to. Instead of overthinking everything to the nth degree. I’m fucking drained. It’s a weird, I’ve gone through a ton and should be depressed. I keep waiting on the usual deep wave depression signs that last for months at a time. Instead, it’s like my adhd did a speed ball and I’m fine I just can’t do any tasks that require sitting at my desk. I even found a new doctor, made an appointment, and found a therapist again and have been enjoying going immensely. Just because for one hour my mouth can freely run and therefore my body can handle being still. I’m even a fucking morning person now for the first time in my life. I have never once been that, let alone naturally. 

So I guess, advice? I have no clue. This is all new. I keep waiting on the crash. 

Context diagnosis: ADHD, moderate depression, mild OCD, CPTSD they all usually work together to spiral me in various ways.