I’ve tried to pretend like I’m not a pathological liar but I can’t anymore. Recently, I have come to the realization that it has gotten out of control. As a kid I would lie about things happening and it wasn’t a big deal because everyone knew I was lying and didn’t mind because I was just a kid. However, now I’m a little to good at lying. The stories I tell aren’t any less unbelievable then they were when I was a kid but now I know which people I can get away with telling what. I’ve created a whole separate life that’s a lie at this point.

For context, I’m a senior in high school. All my close friends believe when I was in 8th grade I was dating a 17 year old junior in a high school and it ended when I was half way through my freshmen year and that the relationship was abusive. This is a lie that in some parts is based on truth but is still very much a lie. My lies are much more detailed then what is stated above but this one was just given as an example of the kind of lies that  I tell. I had a very messed up childhood and just in general haven’t been the luckiest however instead of getting support from my friends and even family for things that actually occurred I find it much easier to get their support for lies. 

My behavior has caused me over the years to feel ridiculously lonely constantly because I’ve lied to everyone closest to me and now feel like they don’t actually know me. I don’t know what to do I have so much regret for making these lies because I find myself often inside my head thinking like these things actually happened even though I know they haven’t. I don’t know what to do because the idea of admitting my lies seems impossible because I feel like everyone would hate me for it. It’s like as soon as I started making crazy vivid lies I was destined to forever have to continue to lie.  

Please just any suggestions on what I should do would be appreciated I don’t want to have to lie anymore I just feel forced to.