So I'm pretty sure I have bpd but the only reason I'm so obsessed with the diagnosis is that I don't talk to my fp anymore, they hate me, but I desperately want them back in my life and I keep thinking that if I have bpd that would explain some things, not necessarily excuse them, but they have bpd too and I just keep thinking that if I have bpd then maybe they could forgive me bc they understand... I just want them back so bad, we hurt each other and I'm hurt but I just want them back and I desperately need them to be able to forgive me so that maybe I can forgive myself