I think my depression is teaching me how alone I truly am. Sometimes you're depressed because you feel alone. During my depression, I learned I am alone. 

Depression, for me, is the accumulation of trauma in childhood, ridiculous societal expectations, my own fuck ups, and then, realizing that you aren't you. You're a fragment of everyone and everything you've tried to appease - and likely failed, at doing. 

When I look around... I'm reminded all the negative things I've heard other people say about me. Reminded that I am nothing and all I have that truly is incredible, is my children. 

But - let's circle back around to the depression. It's made me not enjoy anything. I literally had all my work done and still couldn't come up with something I enjoy doing. So, as much as it breaks my heart, my children deserve a better Mama. A mama who can love them how I want - but, can't. 

Depression is killing me. 
My life. 
My soul. 
And the fact that I see now that I've never been "Me" - really makes me wonder why I'm even still here. 
Nobody appreciates me and even if they do - noone ever wants to actually love you through depression. 

I usually spend my time trying to be a light. These last few days I've been drowning. So, let me drown in the darkness. 

Nobody cares when you're a light. 
I'll be a light tomorrow. 
Just wanted to show that depression sucks.