Yesterday, my SO [25M] asked me [20F] to “tell [him] something” (based on the context it was implied he wanted me to tell him something sexual). But I didn’t know exactly what kind of something sexual he was looking for so I ask “what kind of something?” and he got really upset.

He said that having to further define things for me was a buzzkill and that he isn’t going to talk to me until Saturday, the day I am supposed to go visit him for 2 weeks, because I stress him out when I ask him to further define things. I apologized profusely, but he’s still not talking to me.

I was in such a dark spot last night. After he said that to me I contemplated self-harming and was in a semi-active suicidal state. I sobbed off and on for close to 3 hours. I was filled with so much self-loathing and fear that no one will ever love me for me and that I am always and will always be nothing but an annoyance, even to the people who say they love me. 

I know he would never try to hurt me like that and would be horrified to know that the things he said triggered that level of emotional turmoil.  I’ve explained to him before how sensitive I am but I feel like I need to re-explain just how sensitive I am, because I can’t live in a relationship that sends me into a state of self-loathing every few days and I don’t want to live without him. 

About a year ago he said he felt like he can’t say anything without upsetting me and almost broke up with me because he said knowing that he upset me made him feel like shit all the time. So I stopped telling him things he said upset me and just sucked it up and cried it out and pretended like everything is okay. But now it’s to the point where sometimes when he says I did something wrong, I plummet into a self-loathing spiral and have self harm urges and sometimes suicidal thoughts. 

So how can I tell him how he is impacting me without freaking him out or losing him?