A bit of an odd subject here, but I couldn't find anything related to it. Does anyone else have problems with dissociation during sexting? There's so much talk about dissociation during sex, but nothing about this. 

I'm not sure what's causing it but could it be a trauma response? I absolutely can not sext. I could rock his world if I was there but on the phone I just... shut down? Like I have to force myself not to zone out. I catch myself just staring at the wall and ignoring the notification sounds, somewhat aware of their precense but unable to snap back. Even when I'm "present", my mind is nearly blank and it feels like I forgot every language I know. 

Obviously this is frustrating to the other person, which only makes me sink deeper into that protective fog that sometimes makes my life hell. It makes me feel so guilty. And useless. What makes it worse is that I can't talk about it or explain it, so he doesn't know what's going on. He knows some things about my past, but I kind of brushed them off as something that happened but doesn't really affect me. Which now seems like a giant lie. 

I'm wildly speculating here, but maybe the distance gives me too much space to, well, think for myself? And that's where the trauma comes in. In real life, I can just fall into subspace and forget the bad stuff. Or alternatively my abandonment issues kick in and make me do crazy shit to please them. Either way, at least one of us is satisfied. Unlike when sexting, which always leaves them feeling frustrated and unwanted, and me feeling guilty and miserable.