Looking for people who have been through a similar experience. Long story short, I'm a 24 yr old girl who's never felt comfortable in her own skin, her own life. I've always had difficulty keeping up with people around me, maintaining friendships, interests. Same with jobs. Or with boyfriends. In the last years I've developed depression because of this, and anxiety. I never feel whole. Whenever I'm around people, I compare myself to them. 

And I've been fighting, so hard. Fighting to keep my head above water, to build a sense of self-worth. But I'm just so tired of it all. I've given up. Suicidal thoughts are incessant. I've moved back to my mom's place and I stay cooped up in my room all day, everyday. I don't do anything to feed my soul anymore. I ignore messages from friends. Even if they say they care and want to help. I don't listen to music; whenever I try it just doesn't feel right. I don't watch anything educational. I just lie in bed all day and try to block my thoughts by any means possible. Ie : tv shows, movies, games on iPad, reading fictions, but even then reading is getting hard to focus on.

I'm really scared I won't be able to get out of this rut. I feel so empty. So lost. I don't even know what to do with my two hands. Feels like my soul has left my body. 

Has anyone ever felt like this and recovered?? Would be nice to hear of such stories. Currently waiting for my first therapy appointment. Hoping it'll help... Thanks to whoever reads this.

ps. I don't understand why I am being downvoted. If you are doing this, could you please PM the reason? I need cold hard truths right now so don't worry about my emotions. Thanks!