Sometimes I think about committing but then I think about this time I was a little kid and my mom told me it would be selfish(she’s wrong).. we were talking about my grandma because she had committed when my mom was 18.. 
sometimes I think I’ll do it after she passes. She won’t know.. but what if I don’t see her after.. what if I DO SEE HER AFTER.. 
when I was a kid I used to watch those tribute videos about the people who jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge.. 
My mom always asked what car i wanted when I could drive. “A big old van I can fit a bed in and I’ll travel the cost and sell my art to live” 
now she’d say it’s an unsustainable lifestyle but I’d always leave out the that the art money wouldn’t need to stretch for too long. 
I’d see and experience everything and I’d end at the golden gate. 
In the next life I’d be a bird. I could just pretend I flew into that life. 
Jumping to falling to flying.. anyway.. I didn’t do that. I still have time but I won’t. I can do this.You guys can too.