The lockdown was a tough one for me. When it started in late March I had no idea what all I'll go through.

Before covid I used to meet my coworkers everyday, live with my gf and visit parents once a month. 

I had to live with my parents and home for me is very toxic. My dad is the micromanagement type and lots of verbal and physical abuse to everyone in the family. I kind of forgot this trauma as I didn't live at home for 5 years.

My gf and I couldn't talk much. She got caught up with her life that she couldn't talk to me over chat for even 10mins everyday. To the point that I begged her to since I was depressed(she just said no to it). I even created fake problems to grab her attention.

My anxiety was so bad that I stopped eating my weight dropped from 92 to 68 in a few months without any exercise. This malnutrition also brought a hair fall issue. And my work was also so uninteresting(I'm glad I had a job however). 

In November, I decided to move and stay at my friend's flat in another city. Back then my friends were not there, I lived alone for a month. But being alone was better than living in toxicity so my situation improved. 

In December, I managed to change my job(a good upgrade), got a cat, my friend came and still had a gf. 

In January, I and my gf had a bad clash. It was mostly that she neglects me too much. And it was tough for me to satisfy her needs(like helping with stuff, which was pretty frequent) for which she wasn't ever grateful to let alone tend to my needs. I couldn't manage to share this much which I shared with you redditors. So, I broke up with her. After which life became a bit more better. 

What keeps me awake at night even now is. I used to consider my gf family, someone I was ready to live with forever. But it became obvious that she was with me prelockdown because she was alone then. 

I got my cat to call something my family. I need a sense of that. I think that's what I need. I can't really call my friend whose flat I live in my family because it would be very overwhelming. 

I just want to vent out. I want to cry. I want to feel good again. 

Ps: probably you folks would have it worse than me. Please don't say my problem is a minor one. My intention is to know about good venting techniques, so that I can leave all these in the past.