My BPD / Narc mother is hot/cold, spends years not talking to me then I give an inch, she texts constantly and asks for $20k and nearly burned down my house lighting every log I had on fire with the flue closed when I wasn't home, the very first time I had her and my stepfather over... SO, haha.

I have fleas or am mild BPD myself. I get hyperarousal most mornings, almost like I am addicted to the rush somehow.

She is my backup if I have nothing else to be upset about. I start ruminating about my past. But partly because it really always does come out of nowhere. Sniper like. My question is this-

For those who go no contact with their parents, how do you react to the inevitable periodic contacts? 

How do you react to the bait?

She judt sent an email after 2 yrs randomly, entitled " Apology " that ofc was anything but. It was self-congratulatory nonsense. I have realized by now, I can't legitimately get through to her because she twists everything into a victim story to garner attention and love from those around her. She is toxic and won't be missed, frankly. When she has passed I may have a shot at a relationship with my nieces. Until then, she ruins my life and disrupts my peace any chance she gets. She doesn't comprehend that she doesn't own me.

One time, I hadn't spoken to her in 2 yrs like this, and was living this happy life renting a lake house. I knew she was jealous and mad my life isn't focused on her. She got this idea and called my doctor in an absolute panic saying she KNEW for a fact I was on drugs. I had to come off the lake in summer, go to my doctor's office where people I went to high school with and my cousin work, and everyone had heard, and pay $80 to have a drug test on the spot. She's insane.

I have even consulted an attorney to get a restraining order. I am convinced she won't stop. Ever.

Not sure how to manage my own symptoms of hyperarousal because this comes out of nowhere. I need tips for boundaries or to know how to react (or not) for permanent peace of mind.