Hello, 
Just a question for you all, i was recently diagnosed with bpd and I’ve been in a long term relationship with my partner (almost 2 years) and it has always been rocky. Most of the time it’s fine and we are both happy, but we go through patches we’re I’m emotionally Destressed from things happening around my environment and it causes me to nitpic everything he does.
But everytime I bring it up to him he’ll stop doing for a week or two and go right back to doing it.
For example. He and I both finish work at 5pm but he won’t get home till 8ish because he apparently had things to do for his parents. But it’s constant like 4 out of the 5 days of the week I asked him to try to get home earlier so I don’t have to wait to long to make dinner clean after cooking and go to bed,no argument for a week or two then then it’s straight back to the same routine and when I get upset because I don’t want to be up late just because of his fully able mother he tells me “I’m controlling him and what he does with his time”. 
And I never ask him to be home straight after work, I ask he not be so late that I’m not getting to bed at 11pm. 
And that is just 1 of many situations that he makes me feel like I’m absolutely losing my mind.

That brings me to today, it’s my brothers 3rd death anniversary tomorrow. It’s an extremely tough time for me as he was one of the only people I had while growing up. I ask him if he could please try to spend time with me as I am in a very vulnerable state and need extra help getting through this time of year. He called me to tell me he wants to go to the pub for some drinks (some always means home after midnight) so I start to cry and ask him ‘why he’s would abandon me at a time like this’ he said “god forbid I do anything fun, it’s like you don’t want me to quit smoking all you do is cry, his day isn’t even until tomorrow”

I lost it, I asked him if he even cared about me? Why he treats me like I’m just someone who lives in his house? Why can’t he understand that this is a hard time for me? And I just need support? 

I just don’t understand, why he tells me he loves me but when I need him the most he abandons me?
Is it me, and my brain? Or is it him being manipulative?

Help