We've been together for 3 years. He's not trustworthy (he probably hasn't cheated but has lied a lot and breaks promises. I just know I can't rely on him), doesn't communicate, doesn't put in effort, is very avoidant and has a hard time empathizing with people. Whenever I try to talk about our relationship I'm just talking to him and almost nothing changes. Whenever I ask him what he thinks he says 'I don't know'. I feel like a mom with a difficult teenage son who lies in bed under his blanket while I give him speeches about how shitty he's acting. 

All in all, I'm all about us (too much) and he, generally, is all about himself. He seems to want the benefits of a relationship but doesn't want to put in too much work or effort. 

I still love him and care but I've honestly also started to hate his guts and the way he treats me. Being nice to him almost feels fake lately, his behavior drives me crazy and he has hurt me so much that I just want to scream and cuss him out but I don't want him to ever leave me. I can't leave him alone, I can't 'focus on myself'. I'm seriously addicted to him. I tried to end it a few days ago but I can't. I've tried to end it many times. 

I'm stuck. And what makes it even harder is that I don't have any friends in this city and I don't really have family. He has a lot of superficial relationships and everybody just absolutely loves him and thinks he is sooo nice, he gets invited to a lot of things. It's unfair. This man might have two sides to him. 

I'm adopting a dog in a few days (yay) that has been abused and will require a lot of time and attention so I'm kind of homebound for a decent while so I can't really go out, meet new people, etc. I'm scared for how isolated I will be and how he will have a life and wil be getting over me. 

I talked with my therapist today and she says that he's such a difficult person, that he even drives her crazy, that I don't deserve this and that HE is the toxic and tiresome partner in this relationship, not me. She says that what I want out of a relationship is very reasonable. Deep down though, I don't believe her. Whenever I feel like he is doing me wrong I quickly start to question or rationalize it, hate myself for all the bpd-esque behavior I've displayed, feel like I'm an unreasonable bitch who has pushed him away and isn't lovable but I just have this desperate need to be wanted by him. I feel like I'm the toxic one, or at least equally as toxic. I haven't been perfect and I've been jealous, controlling, suicidal, very emotional, the whole shebang. My therapist says that I'm not a bad person and a good partner who does have a disorder that may require a bit more work and understanding but that being with someone like this triggers me so much that I do become too angry, too sad, too controlling, too whatever. I don't feel like a good person though and desperately wish i could be more chill like other women. I'm very scared that my boyfriend will realize that I'm a psycho and will get with another girl and things will go well for them. That, all this time, his behavior has been my fault. That men will always leave me and I will be alone and deeply unhappy. 

He often tells me it's 'not a big deal' when he doesn't follow through on promises, doesn't ever take me out or is being very selfish. I feel like he doesn't see or take responsibility for his own faulty and hurtful behavior and acts like I'm being needy and difficult, making drama over nothing. He acts like his behavior is very normal. I start doubting myself even more. Is this gas lighting? 

I've been running after him for all these years, trying to get him to treat me better and at the same time be a better partner myself. I can't go on like this. How do I end it? Has anyone of you broken free from a dynamic like this or can relate? 