it was over text and he brought it up and i said “i don’t want to talk about this anymore” at least twice but he kept on messaging about it. i haven’t been triggered by that ThingTM in a really long fucking time and i didn’t realize how bad it was. i’ve tried to repress it as much as i could and it worked. up until today i guess. 

we talked and he apologized after. i told him it’s a trigger and i guess he didn’t realize how much it would hurt me. i feel so fucking destroyed and upset. he feels bad but idk the damage is done. i’ve bawled my eyes out twice today. i relapsed too but i’ve been relapsing more frequently in this past month. 

i’ve just been crying in bed. i can’t study or focus on anything else. i feel like shit. fuck my life.