What do you call this feeling? I’m not suicidal because I really do not want to die; I want my future. However, I am the closest thing to suicidal. I am so sad that I have almost no excitement about...barely anything except this one commitment I really enjoy; just that. I’m mostly full of dread.  
  
This is such a dark place I’m in. I feel a little....not hopeless, but very out of control. I don’t know what I’m gonna do exactly - besides wait it out.  
  
I really don’t have anyone I want to tell all the details too - not until I see my new therapist next week. I’ll tell that man everything.  
  
I hope he can give me some solutions, because I don’t know where else to find any.