22, and I've recently just moved out of home for the first time between lockdowns, with four long time high school friends. 

Two of my biggest triggers seem to be being in front of people in any way and presenting something/talking, and social events (parties concerts gatherings). Both having kinda melted away during COVID. With no big group gatherings, and having to present uni assignments on zoom meant that when I did go back to classes in person for a brief semester I was able to get through entire presentations without having a panic attack. I honestly feel like I've grown so much mentally since the end of 2019 through COVID. I understand myself so much better. I've come so far since high school, I'm able to get through social events and even enjoy them, and express myself clearly in group settings

But now it's like I'm having panic attacks about having panic attacks.  I figured out how to manage myself and my triggers and talk my way out of an attack. But now it's like that doesn't even matter anymore, I seem to almost talk myself into one **because** I'm trying so hard not to have one. 

I'm realising that a lot of the panic attacks I had as a kid/teen were in front of people, and then you would always get questions after, I just hate being seen when it happens. The older I get the more embarrassing it is to see a 22-year-old who seemingly can't control their emotions. 

I just ran out of the front door at 11 pm because I was having a panic attack and needed fresh air. I don't know why, but I could also feel it coming on all day? plus I haven't slept well in a solid week, so I was pretty much asking for it. 

I finally talked myself down  I realised at least one of my roommates would have had to of heard me, and then suddenly I was panicking all over again at the thought of trying to explain to them what was going on with me.  

They know I have anxiety, and experience attacks but I can't even explain to them why anymore because I don't know.  Is this a common thing? To have panic attacks about having a panic attack? It just feels like a ridiculous self-fulfilling cycle.