I [20M] feel almost nothing no, happy news just feeds my brain that things are good and sad news makes me worried about the outcome not sad. If you come and tell me that my girlfriend left me I will feel very disappointed and will think about the reason but won't make me depressed.

2-3 years back I was really energetic, feeling normal like everybody does, liking girls and that willing to hold my crush. After that came a chain of depressing events, teachers personally targetted me and used to harrass me and finally they kicked me out of the school in 11th grade  and I completed my high school from a place where physically and mentally disabled students study, my chest used to feel heavy and full of regret, it was really hard to get an average college with this degree and i used to get panic attacked every alternate days, i felt bad because i did nothing wrong but still i was suffering from all this, after giving multiple University exams i was getting rejected one by one and sadness was going off the roof, so i decided NOT to feel anything so i don't get disappointed any further, i practiced to careless and react less day by day and finally i archived zero emotional feelings

I used to feel nothing when colleges used to reject me, not feeling scared when talking to some huge badass dude also no feelings when talking to my crush, no motivation to touch a girl or anything. Now the thing is I blocked all my feelings I didnt get CONTROL on my feelings.

After 2 years I finally got a well respected University somehow and now my endless sad years where over and it was time to enjoy my life what i really wanted but the happyness did come, I tried imagining best things to do but no happy feelings no excitement, I ignored that part and after 1 month i met my first girlfriend, i knew how it feels when I talk to a pretty girl because I talk many times in my life but this time there where no butterflies feelings in me, even after holding her hand didn't feel much it was a new feeling but not that butterfly feeling, my first kiss and normal kiss, cuddling felt absolutely numb and just like it's a work I'm doing not somthing from internal attract or lust, and now i don't even feel like having sex.

I feel like a plane notebook, just nothing and I can't even feel tired from the blunt feelings I have now because i cant feel that too, i just want to feel normal and happy again, I want to get over exited over little things, I want to feel how holding hands and hugging your loving one feels like, I don't know how to get back to normal but i want to

TLDR: I blocked my feelings for sometime now i stuck with no feelings and attraction towards anything