Anxiety disorders are extremely common. According to the Anxiety &amp; Depression Association of America (ADAA), over 40 million adults in the US have an anxiety disorder. It may be hard to come up with the right words to support a person, but there are some phrases that people definitely should leave unsaid.

For many years, I've been living with social anxiety disorder and occasionally suffer from episodes of depression. For many years, I’ve been told some phrases by my family, friends, and just other people that I hate with all my guts and can’t stand hearing anymore.

Usually, it’s hard to open up and say, “stop saying this!” explaining why these words are toxic for people with anxiety or any other condition. It’s hard to do even in front of our dearest people, let alone strangers. But it’s important to break this circle since being silent doesn’t work anymore and only makes things worse.

Here’s what you shouldn’t say to a person with anxiety and what I want to answer to all this:

**1.** **It’s all in your head**

Okay, technically, it makes sense in terms of[ brain chemistry that may be one of the factors](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/326475) in some symptoms of mental disorders. However, there are other factors that contribute to the development of mental illnesses, which are pretty real! They’re not imagined, faked, artificial, etc. Are anxiety disorders all in the heads of 40 million Americans?

**2.** **Come on, things could be worse**

Things are worse with this stigmatizing phrase. I feel that you don’t tolerate my challenges and belittle them. I need help now, but I only feel embarrassment, shame, and guilt.

**3.** **It’s OK, everyone’s a little down/anxious/depressed sometimes**

Yep, it’s okay. But hey, my suffering is constant and persistent! It’s unbearable. It’s not okay. I need help, treatment, and a non-judgmental support network. If you say it’s okay, you prevent me from seeking these and make me go on like this.

**4.** **This too shall pass**

I’ve been fighting SAD for many years. My life wouldn’t improve on its own, and this mental illness wouldn’t just pass if it wasn’t for the right treatment, support, and my efforts.

**5.** **I think you must go and visit a doctor**

Thanks for the advice, it might be very kind of you. But you say this only because you think I’m mental. I see your annoyance.

**6.** **There are others who are worse off than you**

I’m so sorry for all the people going through or who went through all these. I know how you feel, and need the same understanding, too. Please don’t belittle the experiences of people with mental health issues/illnesses. It’s not the best place and time to compare each other’s problems.

**7.** **You just don’t know what real stress/anxiety/depression is**

How does the real one look like then? What does it feel like? How do you know mine isn’t real?

Yep, stress/anxiety/depression are very personal experiences.[ They are different for everyone](https://medicine.yale.edu/news-article/18792/). Some may feel worse, some – better. But stress is stress. Depression is depression. Be compassionate towards what and how I feel.

**8.** **I think you’re just looking for reasons to be upset**

Sometimes, my anxiety doesn’t need any reason to show up. I wish I had 100500 reasons to be happy, not experiencing anxiety anymore.

**9.** **You’re making a mountain out of a molehill**

No, it makes me suffer. Btw, exhibiting suicidal ideation is one of the[ symptoms](https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/symptoms/suicidal-mindset) of anxiety and depressive disorders. So, it’s a serious problem.

**10.** **You’re too young to suffer**

What a detrimental ageism! I’m a human being since the very birth, i.e., I don’t have to live solid 60+ years to get this “sacral right” to suffer. Any second of my life might be the reason to smile and cry.

You might ask, “Okay, then, what should I say instead?” That’s the topic for another post. But I would name some things from [there](https://calmerry.com/blog/anxiety/helping-a-loved-one-experiencing-anxiety-or-a-panic-attack/). And one of the best things to do is just to listen if you can’t come up with the right words.