I have generalized anxiety and panic disorder. There’s been two times in my life I’ve been on an SSRI when I felt I was out of control and I feel like I’m reaching that point again. I’ve been on edge about every uncomfortable physical symptom I experience and I try my best to self soothe, but I’ve just been feeling terrible lately and it’s so hard to get out of feeling like this. I don’t want to end up in severe depression from this again, but I feel defeated from not being able to handle it all, for the third time. 

I’ve been on Lexapro in the past each time as well as therapy and it worked out well for me (other SSRIs, not as well) but it would be for a few months until I thought I would be okay without it, then I’d be back at square one. I was told by a previous primary doctor I should take it for at least six months, and a family member of mine said to me today “you should’ve never went off them, you need to be on them the rest of your life.” But I would, at some point in my life, would like to not have to rely on them. 

I don’t know, I just wish I was normal.
Any advice or similar experiences?