So im 22 and its hard for me to even write this as ive always grown up with the “be a man” mentality “men dont cry” etc, but ive been struggling for a very very long time, never got help and always pushed it to the back of my mind and put everyone else’s needs before my own, even tho ive never been diagnosed im fairly certain i have severe depression amongst other things, im stuck in the same routine, i wake up, struggle to get out of bed and go straight to work because ive left it so late in the morning laying in bed i cant even get something to eat or have a wash then i work in a job that i don’t particularly enjoy as its quite stressful but the money is good and its the only job ive ever had since i was 16 so i push through till its finally home time then i get home and… do nothing, i just get in my room lay on my bed and stay there all night till i fall asleep, i dont enjoy the things i used to anymore, i have no motivation and just feel like everythings pointless, i could never attempt to commit suicide or anything as i wouldnt ever do that to my mum even tho i have thought about it multiple times, i also have bad anxiety and im fairly certain i have attachment issues as i struggle to stay in a relationship even tho im a relationship kind of guy, i always end up sabotaging it myself withiut even realising because im so afraid that my partner is gonna do something to hurt me first like they have in the past, i have an extremely hard time trusting anyone and always feel like people have ulterior motives as to why theyre doing something for me or being nice to me, i feel like i dont deserve love or happiness because i hate myself and thats part of the problem how can anyone love me when i cant even love myself? Im in this deep deep dark hole and it feels like im all alone and suffocating constantly its so exhausting