So ive posted this on other subs. I really want advice from someone alive or real. Please.

Hello world. This is my life,i have noone to ask this question. Sorry for english im not native.

So the reason i think im in such mental pain/or atleast frustrated is that my life isn't normal and i always thought normal would mean happy. Im a guy in case that matters

A bit of my life
Mother has bipolar disorder,and munchausen syndrome. She faked illness so she wouldnt work and attention
 To paint a picture for you :
Mom screams at me at 7 am to go to work in the cemetery. I do. I buy her cigarettes and come home.  She talks about her genitals to me and my 10yr brother so i say,mom stop it. She pretends to go to the window to attempt "suicide" and screams "want me to do it,huh?!". 
Then she goes and fakes a heart attack.
I dont believe it so she kicks me out while im barefoot and its WINTER. 
I then comeback and the next day i bathe her.
Yeah...

My father was friends with the adults that bullied me as a child,going as far as telling them he wished they were his sons. They always hit me in the head,until i passed out,take my clothes off,grabbing my but etc. Oh and once they almost hit me with they're car. I was 14 at the time they were 17-20 yr olds. My therapist always asked me if i was actually raped by them but i don't think that happened. Dad made fun of my dreams of becoming a musician. Virgin shamed me, still does,and over all a bad person.

Mom and dad always fought. VERY violently. Dad almost killed her once,and mom tried many times to kill him in his sleep. But when they didn't fight they liked each other. Once as a child,they had sex in front of me. 

Those are some examples that i can think of right now and i don't want this post to be me just acting like a victim.

About me.
I was always a bizzare boy. Nobody liked me or wanted to be my friend,not even in high school. I never had a relationship. 
My therapist did not tell me what kind of schitzophrenia i have but i took meds for it. I think i saw on her paper once that she wrote schitzoaffective but idk. The therapy there was very bad imo. It was more medicine based than talk based because i always tend to ramble and we end up nowhere because i have so many things i want to tell. I do have a journal that i showed her but she rarely commented and her advice were general obvious stuff like "be more positive" wich i hate,because she knew me,she knew my thought patterns but didn't care enough and sometimes seemed even mad i show up.
She also gave me unprescripted meds for maniaco-depression wich surprisingly worked.

Unfortunatelly i cannot go to therapy at the moment because i had to change the doctor(really my parents forced me to) in order to be hired as a cleaning man in the ambulance service.

My dream was to be a doctor but i ended up as a janitor for Doctors, they don't respect me,i say good morning and they stay quiet. I feel like a "poser". If that doesn't scream loser idk what. It just hurts,because my classmates always said i will end up nothing in this world,they were right.

I wanted to end this about 5000 times now. Once every 2 months i tried it. Im always so close but get scared or forget what im doing and start thinking about something else(this happens often and i hate  it)

I will not go in depth with what hallucinations i have,what delusions just know i dont feel like a human anymore and humans really seem to be just animals with big ego's. I mean,even your God looks like you.

Not once have i felt real emotions. I always feel like i faked them. The tears i use to cry were always forced,for ex someone i knew died( a guy from high school that talked to me a bunch of times) and to cry i had to imagine certain scenarios of him being alive and really i kinda felt like it was either my fault he died or that it was funny.

I do not see at the moment any positive or normal thing about me or my life. I rather think i don't exist,or that i only exist and the world is in my head.

My question is,what would you guys do. Please,if you have time,imagine you are me and what decisions would you take. I know its stupid but i don't know what to do. Im stuck. Its over. Or maybe im overthinking and overreacting. 

TL:DR schitzophrenic guy wants advice on life,things are rough,nothing i tried work,cant feel happy. Thanks.