Basically I had an 8 month relationship with my boyfriend that ‘seemed’ reasonably normal to me. That is until I realised the fact I was hiding things from him and lying and then lying about lying - it was pretty manipulative looking back on it. (I had a big crush on a guy who was texting me maybe once a week for a month. I considered cheating at one point but my bf had asked me to block him so I did) plus a few other things along the same line. (He knows the truth about absolutely everything now and I have been forgiven) We were broken up between February and May/June and I felt absolutely sick about my behaviour and how I treated him. Not at first - for the first month after discarding I felt nearly nothing and almost had convinced myself he was the bad guy but I knew deep down it was bullshit and I absolutely could not sleep at night. I apologised to him big time simply because he deserved it, and I didn’t expect an apology, but about a month later he opened up about still having feelings for me and I was reluctant at first because I came to the realisation I couldn’t have really loved him due to how I treated him, and I did not want to mistreat him again. I can see how much he loves me and it breaks my heart. It’s been a month back together now and it was rough at first because I was telling him I was really unsure if my feelings were enough and that he may be better without me but I calmed down and I am personally learning to love better. But my question is, is the hurt/trauma of our past too much? I read these forums and I think any sane person would tell him he shouldn’t be with me. His mum and (some of) his friends still like me somehow but I wonder if he is codependent/in a trauma bond with me? I really do not want to cause any more pain in his life. I have really committed to healing this year and I believe if we were to have met now rather than when we did I would be capable of loving/treating him so much better. But I worry our history is just too much and him and I are both kidding ourselves. Is this healthy/possibly? 

Thanks for reading this far.