Holy shit what a hurricane. Especially if everyone involved is some type of fucked up. Should I leave? How do I? Lamictal is making me see more sense. The way things are aren't right and I'm only now finding the words. I don't want to leave bc polyamory but because this... Isn't polyamory. Lying. Just one thing but it's the most important. But then a whole other side of me is a DEMON who enjoys all the attention I can get and also happy when things aren't going well with his other partners. I don't do anything or say anything, naturally they have so many problems. And then it makes me sad and I tell him to go be with her and make her happy but he gets upset being pushed away bc he's very hard-headed. I want them to be happy together and I want to kill myself so she'll be happy even though I'm not involved with her. But I love being alone and pretending I'm single I can't wait for him to dump me