i grew up in a high demand religion, abusive parents blah blah. my situation isn’t unique. anyway, i’m so “nice” and i was never allowed to be angry or be disrespectful or anything. i’m a huge people pleaser and i apologize for EVERYTHING. recently i started slamming my family on tiktok and my SO said i was being kinda mean. it really hurt my feelings when they first said it but like.

i kind of want to be mean now. like of course i still want to be a kind person and try to help others and be loving and stuff, and certainly not be mean to those that don’t deserve it. but at least rn i really want to become a little mean. the tiktok audio that’s like “oh we’re being rude? awesome cool, my fucking turn.” i wanna be like that. i don’t want to become like a callous empty person tho, even though i have every right to be bitter and angry (and i am.) but i just think it’s “bad” to be mean and i wanna get out of that mindset. 

any ideas how to do this? or is it not possible and just another symptom of this godforsaken illness