So I am in a friend group of three and had recently started dating one of the people inside of it. I kinda feel like we are falling apart since I’m not as close as I am with the other guy. I remember accidentally making him feel like a third wheel and it really annoys me cause I think I was just being a jerk. I am starting my exams tomorrow and my head is like a mess. I drink sometimes  but not much and I’m feeling like I’m drunk although I didn’t take anything. I can’t concentrate and just want to sleep, but I have a shit ton of work I have to do and I’m trying not to hurt myself cause my parents are overprotective and would immediately notice cause my mom already did two years ago. I’m also confused about my sexuality and gender and I’m at the verge of crying most of the time, for the last four months I have been crying intensely nearly every two days or so. I feel like a bother and shouldn’t be alive, I know I’m no genius when I want to be one, I just wish I had anything left inside me cause I’m losing interest in my hobbies aswell, I used to be a windsurfer and I gave up on it like I did with piano. I’ve started playing again but I think I’m not good at it so I can’t go on practicing. My face is also having a breakout and I feel like shit. Everything my partner has, I want to have them too. The jealousy I feel is killing me and I can’t shut up and be a good person for once. I’m pretty sure I have depression but since our country has trash economy, I’m pretty sure going to see a psychologist is a bad idea. My only hope is that I’ll pass my exams with at least 80/85 out of 100 since I’m a perfectionist and will be disappointed if it’s lower than that. I can’t value myself, please help me