I have a hard time accepting people and lash out when I’m not accepted. I also have this need to manipulate people into their “best selves” or my version at least. Like I notice their insecurities and find helpful ways to manage that and tell them “yeah I do this when I’m feeling anxious.” But really I don’t do any of it I just think it’ll work on them. And I said “I read an article where people who did this a kid were anxious or something, weird huh?” and they’ll be like wow I relate to that. I feel like I’ve always schemed my way into being someone’s friend and I think that’s why I feel so left out all the time. I put on the personality that will go specifically with theirs and help them grow. I can’t stand being alone because I don’t understand myself. It’s hard to be yourself when your constantly changing your mind and going from depressed to joyful so fast. Like one friend I said oh yeah therapy is helping me, I went through this website and it was really easy. And I hated therapy it did not help. But then my friend will say wow therapy is really helping now. But also I don’t understand why they don’t behave the way I want them to behave. Which is totally unreasonable I know. Like they don’t respond to me and I lose it, I hate them so much. Then l miss them.