I’m 18 and have been suicidal since before I knew what the word meant. I have a very supportive family and friends who know what I struggle with and genuinely try their best to help me through my problems when I need help. Of course I love my family and my friends but I always regret having vulnerable conversations with them. I know they are trying their best but they never say the right thing and often leave me feeling lower than before. This has led to me not opening up and often hiding my feelings when asked about them, which I don’t necessarily mind since I’d rather be miserable on my own than spread that feeling onto those I care about. Furthermore, being suicidal for basically my whole life, the thought of destroying my family by ending my life is a big concern. I feel selfish for wanting to leave and I have tried before, receiving so much more support from loved ones since. I can’t help but wish that I had succeeded on my past attempts before my family became aware of my depression. Ever since they found out, I have been told constantly how much it would ruin them if I tried again. This makes me feel somewhat resentful towards them for forcing me to live a life that I am suffering in. Of course I know they’re just trying to support me, but I’ve wished for so long that everyone would just forget about me so I could do it.