Alright, so after reading up online I've finally decided to share my feelings with people who may help me through this painful phase. I fell in love with my best friend, he knew all about it. He was very clear about not having a relationship and wanted to keep it sexual. I didn't care, I just wanted him. (stupid ik) so yea we kept in touch over the phone for six years, sexted, shared our deepest secrets, we spoke day in and out every single day for the last six years. In between he started to feel differently about me, he got possessive, if I hadn't responded I'd receive calls and texts non stop, he would always check up on where I was etc etc. He was never comfortable with me chilling out with my guy friends. He was betrayed in the past so I changed the way I function. I stopped meeting people, talking to anyone new. I wanted to prove my loyalty to him. Things were fine until a few months ago, he suddenly told me that his mother was pressurising him to get married ASAP and that she found someone (arranged marriage) for him. I was heartbroken, and asked him why he couldn't marry me. He knew how much I loved him. I was always there for him and he was always there for me.. so after this dramatic night, I cried and yelled because he told me he never looked at me as more than a friend, and that I had created this whole "fantasy" in my head and that he didn't want to get married but he has to because of his mom. I just completely lost my sanity after that. I couldn't eat for weeks, he led me and on and just left me like I wasn't even a friend to him. I have constant panic attacks, I keep crying and I just don't know how to pull myself together. I feel like a dead person walking around.