I appreciate this subreddit  and have learned a great deal in a very short amount of time.  Every day I read posts on here and I feel hopeful somedays and not so much other days.

I get "triggered" a lot by seeing these same stories coming up over and over again.  Just reminders that I wasn't part of  special relationship and my love was more a mental illness than real love.  I am not ready for that reality yet and it hurts usually.  So I don't want to read anyone's story some days.  I don't want another person telling my story.   

I feel so sad for each person I see struggling and posting here.  I wish we could all have comfort and a little true peace.  A break from our troubled minds.  

I have no patience for this work.  I tell myself everyday to just keep doing the hard work - stop trying to make things dramatic or different - just for a while, put my head down, go to work, go to the gym, mediate, eat healthy, sleep well.  That's all I have to do and keep doing it.   I just want my friend back but I don't get that now.  Now I have to prove - not just say it - PROVE it, that I can be better.  Less words.