Okay, I'm 17 and not positive I have bpd or if its just autistic b&amp;w tendencies, but I'm just tired at this point and anxious.

I broke up with my ex partner maybe in July ish because he didn't communicate with me, he started living without me, we grew apart (barley knew him or his life by the end of it), and subsequently I fell out of love with him. 

Communication is a big thing for me bc I'm autie and can't stand when ppl don't tell me how they feel, he wanted to fix things and was basically like, "I love you and want to work it out" and I was unsure of ehat I wanted.

Like 2 or 3 weeks after we broke up he had sex with our mutual friend (person I considered my best friend). I resent them both a lot for it and feel bad about resenting them.

We stopped talking completely after I left him on read, because he ignored me for a week straight. This caused me a lot of stress, and I just had a lot of pent up anxiety because of him not talking to me so I decided to just stop it all together. 

Now, everytime I hear his name I get self mutilation impulses, a lot of anxiety, and just very uncomfortable. It can quite literally ruin my whole day, and sends me into a depressive episode.

I don't know what to do I just want it to stop. I want to feel okay. I hate that our mutual friends talk about him to me, ans I've told the one that he slept with that I want to hurt myself when i hear about him, and they don't talk about him at all really, only mention him in passing. But It interviews with my daily life at this point. 

Anyway... I probably sound like a dumb teenage kid, and it is such a trivial problem, but it's just too much. I'm tired.