First post ever, dont know what im even doing or why am i writing this, but i felt like writing somewhere. Theres so much other stuff thats fucking me over, but i felt like this is the biggest problem for me, not being accepted.

I feel like literal crap and lost all my dreams, ambitions and motivation. I cant talk to anyone, i just cant. Ive been living with this feeling since i was 13, im 18 now and i think its strating to destroy me and im afraid that ill snap soon. Im not suicidal anymore but i just dont feel like living. Im tired and feel worthless. 

I have some friends, but i cant talk about my interests with them because i feel embarrased and feel like they dont care, and i have a family that loves me but i cant talk to them either. I dont want them to look at me like i am going to kill myself anyday. I respect my brother and look up to him and always wanted him to accept me, but whenever i tell him something that i find cool, he just doesnt care or says its dumb. One time he filmed my room because i decorated it a bit and sent it to his friends, making fun of me. After that i just gave up, he will never think im good enough. I want someone to talk to, i havent talked to anyone who likes the same stuff i do ever. Im so fucking lonely, i cant connect with anyone, i cant talk to anyone because ive been shut down so many times that im just not capable. 

Living is just a pain right now and i want to get better and have better self confidence so i dont care about what other say, but i just cant talk.

This is just a mess because theres so many things i havent written and this might seem stupid to be depressed about these things, im sorry. I might even delete this tomorrow thinking that this is stupid. Take care.