Antidepressant shame is fucking real. I can't take this anymore.
I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder about 2 months ago. Since then I started taking antidepressants almost immediately, following all the recommendations from my doctor. I told my mom about it, and she was a little skeptical, but supportive at first. She even financially helped me, bought me pills when I ran out. Her overall message was "I don't really agree with you taking medication, but if it helps you - fine". 
And even though the first month was tough, I'm starting to feel so so much better than I did, and I'm very grateful.
However, this didn't last for long. And I don't mean the pills.

It started with my mom saying something inappropriate or hurtful from time to time(regarding me taking antidepressants). I tried to be understanding and didn't take it to heart. Keep in mind, she's very religious, and she also knows that I'm an atheist. But she chooses to ignore that and say stuff along the lines of "we should take you to this amazing church, it has a holy river nearby, I think doing that will help you more than this poison you're taking". Which, obviously, was very shocking and hurtful, I felt so betrayed. I immediately felt extremely distanced from her. 
But it kept getting worse. The next time we talked, she told me she's going to take me to this church, wether I want it or not (I'm fucking 19 by the way). She also said "I'm not going to buy you any pills anymore, so don't even ask for it". 
That shit hurt so bad. 
This person that almost always supported me, and the person I love so much is saying something like that to my face and being so smug and proud about it. She knows that I don't earn that much (I'm preparing for very important exams and I work part-time), she also knows that you can't just stop taking antidepressants, that it takes almost months to get off of. 

And even then, I thought, okay. If that's the way you want to go about it, fine. I'll work extra hours if I need to, I fucking care about myself.
But it just keeps getting worse. I was supposed to have an appointment with my psychiatrist today and it got cancelled (not by my choice - long story), and everyone at the clinic was very rude to me. I felt very hopeless and destroyed. I need a prescription to continue taking pills cause Im running out, and the next appointment is next month. I just came home, kinda fucked up after this day and all I hear is: "well this is a sign that you should stop taking these horrible pills" and my stepfather said "all these doctors are fucking morons, you should be happy that you didn't get to go".

Now I'm laying down, crying in bed feeling extremely fucked up and hopeless. I just want to end it all. End this suffering, abuse, depression. Everything. How do they not understand how they're making everything so much worse for me.

I can't fucking take it anymore.