I dont know when it started. Initially, it was a feeling like "well we haven't talked for a while so I dont know if it's weird or not for me to wish them a happy birthday". 

Then it went to messages. I would have friends, where we haven't talked in a month or two, reach out to me. I would be busy at the time or make up excuses and say "oh ill reply later." So I leave the message there for a bit to reply. Then a day passes by. I get nervous every time I think about the message. So I dont reply. A week passes by and it just gets worse. Then they message again, wondering where I am. I get scared because if I reply to this one, they know I've read the other message and I just haven't replied. Or im scared they'll be mad at me. Or I'm just scared to have a conversation with them.

This started with one person but this year, I started doing it to more people. Even at one point, I got too nervous to reply to my landlords or even thank them for being nice after I left. I havent been able to tell anyone because I'm so mad and embarrassed at myself for it. 

I have a friend's paintings sitting in my room that I was supposed to return a month ago but I am too scared to message her about it or even think about it.

Recently, my old high-school created a group chat to meet up at our university. I havent looked at the messages because for some reason I'm scared. I don't want to meet up with them, catch up and have to pretend like I know what I'm doing with myself. I'm a failure and I don't want to end up feeling exhausted after faking a smile around everyone.

I am in therapy. Haven't mentioned this yet but I will. I'm just so tired of conversation feeling like it's a giant hurdle every time.