My therapist had me admitted into the hospital last Tuesday for suicidal thoughts. I had tried a few meds, but my pediatrician is not very good at helping me find the right ones, prescribing me with anxiety meds instead of antidepressants, not believing me, etc. Everyone told me that everything would be okay if I went. After giving me a new prescription, they gave me the option to stay overnight or go home, and I chose to go home. I stayed out of school the next day. I came back that Thursday to a mountain of make-up work that I have yet to complete. I don’t feel like doing it. I can’t make myself do it. I have a sonnet to do in English that was due last Friday, three tests in anatomy, and about 9 pieces of challenging music to learn and master in a week or so for a couple of honor bands I have to try out for. I am so stressed out. Instead of just getting up and doing my work and not being useless for once I am just laying here sobbing. I’m so scared of not being good enough and not living up to everyone’s expectations. I am the drum major at my school. I’m supposed to be better than this. I just want everything to stop. The teachers don’t care about my situation. They would only see this as an excuse to be lazy or get out of work if I told them. I always have everyone around me telling me how “amazing” I am just because I can play a few instruments or paint a few pictures. It just adds to the pressure. I’m not amazing. I’m lazy. I fake it. Everything I do is fake. I just want it all to stop.