I have been really struggling with anxiety lately. I really don't want to relapse and I have worked so hard to stay clean for so long, I just need to get this off my chest. I have never been so scared in my entire life. I feel very ashamed of the person I've become. For almost the last decade, I've struggled immensely with inner turmoil and I made a lot of choices that I deeply regret. I'm embarrassed by how bad my mental health has been and I'm embarrassed by how I feel right now. I thought I was getting better but after graduating college and going through a breakup, I feel like a scared little girl again. I realize how much I failed myself and the people around me. The people who still around swear that I can turn my life around, but I just feel so empty and confused. I feel so awful about myself. I want to find a passion and run after it but the world just seems so grey. I'm constantly anxious and I shut my emotions off because I feel like I'm burning. Right before I graduated, I was so hopeful about the future and I'm angry with myself for not feeling that way anymore. I just don't know how to pick up the pieces. I feel hollow. I know I have the power to change, but I just feel like there's no point anymore. I want to take my anger and sadness out on myself. I feel like I might as well just destroy myself further, even though I know how wrong it is. It won't help my situation. I am just so angry at life. I'm so angry that I have to rebuild an entirely different life. I'm just so lost and confused.