I have a good friend who used to be my boyfriend.  I have done everything I could to destroy this relationship.  I did some really fucked up stuff.  We are still close though.  When things come up that trigger memories for him he wants to talk about them.  I have to put a lot of effort into staying calm and it's often hard for me to respond to what he is saying which makes things worse.   I need to face what I did and participate in these conversations.  Does anyone have any experience with this?  Any experience with repairing the damage you have done?