TW: Police, Family Violence

The police were called to my house tonight. 
A neighbour called. 
Obviously we don’t know who. 
They told the police this had been escalating for weeks. 
It’s really embarrassing. 
My brother, Mum and I were fighting. 
My Mum was talking to my brother this afternoon. 
She said you can’t leave your shoes and school stuff all over the place in the living room when you get home from school. 
And don’t leave your money here because Blake might take it. 
I’m Blake. 
I heard it. 
I got really mad. 
I have not stolen money from my family in over a year. 
And I know that was a horrible and shitty thing to do and I have been paying them back. 
I did it because obviously I wanted the money but also because of how angry I was at my family. For putting me through shit. 
I have talked about this is my posts before. 
And yes I know heaps of people have gone through stuff and not retaliated like that, but I did. 
Anyway I was getting really angry. 
My Mum is more worried about my brothers money being stolen then she is about her son being violent. 
This is the bloody women who says that “it’s probably fairly normal for boys to touch their sisters on the breasts until they’re told to stop it” 
She told me this a year and a half after I told it happened. 
Finally admitting it could of happened. 
When the whole time she made it very clear she didn’t believe me. 
I’m so angry. 
The police came in. 
I stayed in my room until an officer came to my door and said I had to talk to him. 
I told him the basics. 
Because they had been told by the neighbour it sounded like domestic violence. 
I’m fine. 
No I’m not injured. 
I don’t want to talk to you. 

And then I had to come out to the living room and talk with my Mum and brother in the room. 
There were 2 officers. 
And they basically said that I could be charged for domestic violence. 
If you have read over my previous posts and believe them, you will know that I am not the violent one here. 
The main officer was talking about us having “to get on as siblings” and basically talking about our Mum just trying to manage this situation. 
I just so so wanted to burst her facade. 
He then said something along the lines of about initiation and retaliation. 
Except he gestured at me with his hand when he said initiated and gestured his other hand at my brother when he said retaliated. 

I do not initiate this. 
I recorded the whole thing on my voice memos. 

This whole experience really triggered me because in 2019 I told my guidance councillor about my brother touching me on my clothes on my boobs. 
He would come up behind me and hug me and touch them. 
I told her how he hit me with a belt for turning his PlayStation off. 
She called the police. 
They got involved. 
They were at our house. 
And they interviewed everyone. 
They said to me as they left “you have a nice house, food on the table and people who love you” 
And left. And nothing ever came of it. 

After the officer tonight was going on about how I could be charged if I’m fighting with him, I said. 
“I have 5 shirts in my room that are torn, some nearly in half from my body by my brother”

My brother is 16 and I am 19. 
Because he is a minor and I’m an adult in this situation even if I did physically retaliate which I’ve done a handful of times and got a mild hit in before he comes back at me 10 times harder, it would be considered child abuse. 

No one gives a shit what he does to me, because I’m an adult. 
Oh and I can just leave? Right? 
I am trying to get a job I really am. 
There is a chronic casual job vacancy problem in my city. Meaning it’s so hard to get one. 
I’m sending my resume to my cousin and re doing it too see if I can spice it up a bit. 
I know I need to leave I feel so stupid for not leaving before. 

And no I cannot go and live with my Dad. 

I hate the police. 
They talked to me like I was this horrible person. 
Like 
Okay Blake, If you’re hitting your brother that’s considered what? Huh? Do you know? 
Like they were trying to quiz me and I was stupid. 
Yeah duh obviously child abuse. 
And child abuse is wrong.
I couldn’t even hit this child if I wanted too. 
He’s 6’2. 
Apparently cause I’m fat that means that’s fair. 
My Dad once said well if that was really happening you could of stopped it, you’re like twice his size. 
Yeah that really hurt. 
He also called me pathetic. 

And that my Mum, him and I were fucking up my sister and my brothers lives. 
He apologised for saying that after I questioned him not realising that I was apart of the marriage breakdown that started the collapse of our family. 
Last time I checked I was a 15 year old when they got separated. 

The violence isn’t what hurts me most. 
Most of the time it doesn’t even leave me with bruises. 
It’s the fact my parents and the police don’t believe. 

As soon as I get a job I’m out. 

There’s no one I can really stay with in the meantime. 
My Mum also asked the police to do routine visits of us. 
God she tries to make herself the victim any chance she can get. 
This act she put on. Ugh. 
Like she actually cared. 
She doesn’t. 

This woman kicked me out in the middle of year 12 and I had to stay in a homeless shelter for a week. And then had to live at my Fathers until graduation. 
I moved back in to her house because it’s surprisingly more stable than my Dad’s household. 
And she won’t kick my brother out for physical violence? 

I can’t believe everyone thinks I’m the one who’s violent. 
I’m so angry. 

I pushed my Mum the other day. 
I’m not proud of it. 
It was a little push. 
I wanted to see how she like it. 

I’m going crazy. 

But I need to say in form. 
In line. 
Because everything I do will be hyper scrutinised. 
I can’t make one mis move or It will be used against me to the end of time.

And by the fact that I pushed my Mum shows I’m losing that. 

I need to pull myself together.