the thought it might be true scares me to death, it'd be a confirmation that I'm "damaged."  I self sabotage myself often, I think I've survived out of luck and good looks, but I'm getting older and it's time to face up my issues rather than keeping my head in the sand. 

Right  now, I'm in my "cocoon" phase, I don't have the energy to do anything, however, I'm great at making plans. How to find out if I have BPD, and most importantly, how do would I manage my symptoms when the plain acknowledgment is so painful?