Once I learned about the idea that all coping strategies, good and bad, are simply “fight or flight” type responses to a perceived threat, I immediately realized that I have basically always been existing one way or the other.

For weeks, sometimes months at a time, I am *on my shit.* All responsibilities, self care and goal oriented pursuits are accomplished, and I am telling everyone around me about how everything is different now, and I’m so much better and happier. It’s never felt sustainable, though, it’s always such a hustle and grind that eventually I wonder how on earth anyone could go on like that on a regular basis. 

Fast forward another month, and I am the exact opposite. Any and all addictive/numbing behaviors become overwhelming and all-consuming. Negative, cluttered thinking leads to a cluttered living space and I spiral socially, physically and emotionally. Eventually, I hit a “bottom” and elect to overhaul everything, which leads back to the other side. 

Only in rare occasions can I ever remember not existing one way or the other. Am I doomed to be perpetually amygdala-activated? Is there always going to be something to sprint towards or away from?