Some background: I (25, F) was diagnosed with BPD soon after a breakup from my LTR. It made a lot of sense as the breakup was because he felt like I was unstable, jealous and had mental issues I wasn’t getting help for. Two years later, I have made great strides in becoming healthier and better. I’m in therapy, I take my meds, I feel like a new person and I’m doing great. 

Then this happens. I meet a man at school, 28. At first I just had a crush, but he asks me out a few times and finally I say yes. We date for about a month and a half and I really like him. I tell him about my BPD, how boundaries are important and communicating is really key. He does great telling me when I’m being too reliant on him or when he needs space. He communicates with when he’s busy and can’t talk to me. He gives me validation while letting me be my own person. It’s going great. 

He goes out of town for Christmas. We talk every day, and make plans for today. I never hear from him, I think something bad has happened because it’s so unlike him. Then he called me. he suddenly tells me it’s too overwhelming and he can’t do it anymore, completely out of the blue. 

I’m so hurt and confused. For once in my life I was doing everything right, trying really hard to be a good girlfriend and make healthy decisions for the relationship and myself. So what did I do so wrong that I still ended up being overwhelming? He never saw me in a manic episode, and while I’ve been pretty depressed lately, I didn’t show it to him whenever I could hide it. I can trace back in every relationship I’ve had how I messed up, but this one is a complete mystery to me. 

TL;DR- tried so hard in a relationship and it still failed