I underwent so much stress the past 7 years and i think it has fucked me up for good even though i escaped it. I have an entense urge to "breathe" what im thinking/typing/writing out loud and combined with horrific intrusive thoughts i feel like an unstable monster, not fit for society. I have not told anyone about this and i spend every minute im around people supressing it and its exhausing and makes it really hard to focus in class. Every day has turned into a sick game of dont get found out and idk how im going to keep putting up with it as it gets harder and harder to act like im ok. I have not gotten help or told even those closest to me as im sure they would no longer want to be close to me if i did. I just want to be happy again and not feel like im dying everytime im near someone. The only time im happy now is when im all alone but im not really happy as i know im just hiding from my problems. When im around people, especially those i care about i feel super anxious constantly as im sure they can hear me breathing words and when im alone i miss being around people but i can think/write in peace. Im not a bad person but i know people would think i am if i told them about how feel. I just want to be clam again and not feeling like im dying a huge portion of the day.