A few years back, I met a person who approached me at a gathering that I forced myself to go to, because I'm lonely and want to meet people. We quickly grew to be best friends, then queer-platonic partners, then romantic partners. We were dating for a few months, both of our mental health was getting worse and worse, so they decided to break contact all of a sudden. I didn't know why. I kept giving myself responsibility for it, blamed myself for being too pushy and felt like all the joy they have brought into my life had been cut out, I was crying hours each day, blaming myself, thinking off them at every opportunity. I had more than a handful of suicide attempts during that time, I didn't understand it. After about half a year, I talked to a mutual friend and found out that they decided to take a break because they felt like both of us spiraling down was too much, and I promised I'd work on myself before I'd approach them. Few more months passed and I asked them whether we could go to pride together. And we did. It had been 9 months of constant pain and we met again.  


But things were different. They felt a lot more distant, and they still do. If I don't remind them of my existence, they will forget about me entirely. It feels like they see me as a distant friend that they are growing out of. But for me, nothing has changed. I still love them and wish things were as they were before. 9 months of silence were not enough to change anything about how I feel. It hurts a lot when we're together how the \*flame\* has gotten one-sided, but I'm afraid if I let go, I will go back to this state of emptiness where all I feel is longing for them. I don't know if I would survive it.