I spent most of my teen years severely depressed, to the point of hospitalization. I've been on and off too many medications to remember (most with little results) and have seen several therapists. The past two years I haven't been on any antidepressants, haven't harmed myself, graduated college, found a partner who I love dearly, got a full-time job and built some savings. This is genuinely the best that I've been doing since I was a young child and I stopped thinking of myself as being in the "depression zone," yknow? 

Recently I was talking to someone (who does not know much about my past history) about how I have no motivation to pursue my past dreams, and how I feel constantly stressed at work. They suggested that I sound depressed and it took that comment to realize that I still am. I think I got so used to severe, all-consuming symptoms that being at a stage where I find some happiness and productivity on a regular basis made me feel like I'm no longer depressed. I forgot that it's not normal to cry in my car several times per week before work, and to feel like I'm past my peak at 22. Because compared to where I was at 16, I'm doing great. 

I want to be alive, and I wouldn't say that I feel "sad" most of the time, but I'm just trudging along. Like the past decade has been a constant uphill battle and now I've just plateaued. In a weird way, it's more unsettling to be mildly content than to be in crisis mode all of the time. I feel like I lost my childhood/young adulthood in a way that I can't explain to most people and now that things are relatively normal, I have to appear as if I feel normal when I don't. I can't relate to my coworkers but I also can't let myself live the way that I used to. I'm not really sure what to do.