I keep trying to get over it but it’s been at least four years. People throw this term around a lot but my “dad” is a narcissist. The biggest issue is he’s extremely physically abusive to me to the point that I can’t even live there anymore because it’s not safe. He might take my life by accident. 

The woman that birthed me is so unstable and has serious mental issues and always pushes her kids off to other people. I hope these works really make sense.

I feel like I fit in with no one. I don’t know where I fit in. I’ve noticed that lots of people with my kinda trauma are the quirky kids that dye their hair crazy colors and have that sort of vibe and I feel out of place with them. Maybe im just too on the outside looking in. I feel like I have C-PTSD. I feel ruined. Im too self conscious. Life after high school is scary and I feel weak all the time. I think I’d be better if dead and hopefully resurrecting into a healthier family where I can redo my life. Man, I’d be so happy. I’d be a cheerleader, actually befriend people that I fit in with as opposed to just befriending people that im used to being around but actually have nothing in common with them. 

I feel so hurt you guys don’t even understand. I feel extremely heartbroken. I have no one and it’s really, really hard to wrap my head around. I can’t believe this was my life this whole time and I didn’t realize until recently. 

Did anyone ever love me or care about me? Am I delusional? Why is the ball always in my court? Idk what im doing..

I want to be loved. I sometimes feel insecure about my race because my race has negative stereotypes and my parents fit right into it and it’s so embarrassing. I sit. Want anyone prejudging me and not giving me a chance but then if they do, what do I do? It’s like I know the end result will be me being alone.

I need mental health but to go to the mental hospital means I have to take a bus and train and I’m so scared to be out in public alone. I really want to cry but it’s hard to cry. I hate myself and I hate my life. Please let me start over..