Growing up as a teenager, I never really had anxiety. I’ll admit when i was young i was pretty stupid and careless so I didn’t really know so much and i was considered the “odd” one in my family. Keep in mind before this whole anxiety fiasco started with me, I was relatively healthy and eating at least 3 times a day and remained active.

Anxiety started entering my life when I started my senior year of HS (2017). I would notice i’d wake up and feel perfectly normal for a few minutes. Then out of the blue i’d start feeling a little queasy, slightly anxious but absolutely bearable. Nothing major I would just skip breakfast and continue on with my day perfectly fine.

As the years go on the anxiety seemed to get a lot worse. Fast forward to today (2021), even the slightest inconvenience is enough to trigger my anxiety. Now when I say anxiety two things always seem to happen, i get extremely nauseous and EXTREMELY scared for my life. No fears of death i just worry about being sick and throwing up anywhere. I can’t even go out to a restaurant and enjoy a decent meal because my anxiety triggers and i feel so nauseous it’s unbearable. I honestly feel as if it’s ruining my life and I know friends/family has began to take note of my funny actions when it comes time to eating out. I truly don’t know what to do i’m underweight (110lb and i’m 22 years old) and honestly the only time i can eat comfortably without having a full blown anxiety attack is when i’m home and I don’t have anything planned today. If i have something planned later on through my day, i begin to feel skittish and not eat despite my stomach crying out loud but yet anytime i even go near food my throat locks up and i feel like i’m gonna throw up. 

I can’t eat in any public place that is not my home, i feel like it has me locked in chains that i can never get away from. It truly is the most terrible, embarrassing experience in my life and i can’t even go out with anybody to eat without having a full blown panic attacks. Please if anybody has a dot of advice to give me on how i’m able to somehow manage this dilemma please post a comment at this point i’m desperate. I’ve kept this from literally everybody because i’ve always been too afraid to speak on it to scare family or friends. I have yet to visit my doctor but i still cannot seem to bring myself forward because of the insane wave of panic attacks i’d get before my appointments.

I should also note I have a huge fear of throwing up. Anything that can make me gag i stay far away from. I know it’s just anxiety and breathing helps calm me down but thats just enough to take the edge off, never enough to fully plant me down to my feet and knock some sense into me. Ive never actually thrown anything up before while having the panic attacks, just painful dry heaving (which is the worst btw).