I'm 14(M) and since December of this year, I've felt that I'm depressed. It didn't bother me at first, not really. I just thought that everything would be fine. Then in February I tried to have an overdose and it didn't work. When I did that, after some time I talked to one of the teachers I trusted at my school. That didn't help me as much as I thought it would. Some of my friends were concerned because I wasn't the same; my grades kind of went down and stuff like that. 

My feelings didn't go away and in March I tried to have another overdose. I thought this time it would work, but it didn't. At the start of April, I was caught using a scissor on myself in class and they sent me to a school social worker. That also didn't help; I told her about my attempts and she told my mom, which also didn't help. So as far as anyone is concerned, I'm fine. At least they think I am.

I think about suicide daily now. I don't want to be here anymore. If I wasn't here, everything would just stop.

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Sometimes I think that I'm faking it and that I just do this for attention. And in my mind, my mind shows me how I'm faking it and how I don't have any reason to be depressed. This just causes me to hate myself even more because if I'm not depressed, why do I feel like this?  Sometimes I think about bad things happening to me so that I'll have some justification of my feelings. Today I was thinking of causing intentional sleep deprivation. 

I sometimes wish I didn't have friends or family. In my mind, there's the thought of just cutting everyone off or pushing them out of my life.

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I don't know what to do anymore. I feel like one of these days during this year, I'll actually manage to kill myself. The thought is always there and it's really strong.