I feel like im stuck. I hate being the centre of attention, I hate people worrying over me. That's why when I'm around my friends, I feel like an Oscar winning actress. I'm chirpy and considerate and asking about them because I don't want to lose those people because I'm too low/sad to be around. 

I've felt so low for so long that Ive just started saying I'm okay because I don't want to feel like a broken record. I've reached out for help in the past but hand on heart, no one has actually helped me. It's hard to reach out in the first place and when I did, I was given leaflets and links to websites. I've ended up taking myself to hospital for feeling suicidal and I just got sent home. I feel that although everyone talks about mental health and mental well-being, no one actually helps but they always say, 'im always here', or 'if you need anything let me know'. Maybe it's the fact I don't know what help I need. But I feel that people won't care until it's too late and I'm ten feet under then people might say, oh sh*t, we should have listened.
Does anyone else ever feel this?