Today I met someone from my graduation class, which was 8 years ago, and I was ready to throw up. I cut pretty much all contact with my old classmates and friends and hoped they thought of me as dead or left the country, because I am beyond scared of them seeing how I didn't do anything with my 20s except prolonged stays in mental hospital and rehab and dropping out of college and uni TWICE..  The meeting went fine.. except for me being a bit stiff I guess because I was freaking out inside about them now letting others know I still exist and live back in our old town with my mom. 
So the meeting went alright and I occupied myself with exercise until I open my family's group chat and see my mom writing about how proud she is of my sibling who just got promoted and now I am just spiraling, saying myself I am a failure and a burden and I can't even talk to anyone about it because I am embarrassed to be embarrassed. I know mental health issues are nothing to be ashamed of and they can be a real disability and stop people from living fulfilled lives.. but I am just so mean to myself. I am just having a panic attack right now and I don't know what to do anymore... my therapist is on vacation until the 13th