I genuinely dont want to exist anymore but apart if me does. Im young and i an absolutely certain that i cannot be where i want to be in my life in the utmost future. I feel like rn im just waisting time and waiting to die. I really just want to kill myself and go into the dark abyss and be nothing. But the ofher half want to do something in life and try to find what im looking for. Im in the constant tug if war between despair and hope and its all so annoying. I just wish i was enough. And wasnt so stupid or ugly