My story doesn't matter no one really cares and i can't bring myself to even type a paragraph. Life is just so fucking meaningless. In the bigger picture way and the personal way. even with the girl i love the most i can't find a single reason why i should actually live. I've been suppressing so many things  for so long and i just fucking can't anymore. I've gotten so good at ignoring emotions i can't even tell if my love is real at this point. My bio father is a pedo, my adopted father is dead and was a dirtbag anyway my bio mother tries to help but fails and my adopted mother is the furthest from a mother you can get. im tired of hearing people have it worse and im tired of having to go through this. Im sorry if this is selfish thinking. But i really just can't come up with a single reason why not. Im not killing myself soon. I just know im going to do it eventually. I hope god isn't real. I hope its just nothing. i wonder what nothing will feel like.