[sorry for the lengthy post]

i've always been awful at making friends and keeping friendships but in 11th grade i seemed like i was changing, i found a nice group of people who i connected with and actually enjoyed hanging out with and it all helped me get over my fp but in the summer it all went to shit - i changed schools and had a falling out with one of them so now fast forward 4 years later and i have no friends. i actually didn't realise how bad it was until i moved away for uni and it hit me that my only 'friends' are my mom and sister. 
i've been here for 7 months and have formed no connections no friends no acquaintances. my days consist of me going to uni and coming back home. everyday. for SEVEN months. i share an apartment with 3 other people (only one of them is near my age) who seem to talk nicely amongst each other and have conversations but when it comes to me they just are polite with "good evening". at uni everyone already has their friend group and i just sit there alone everyday. my heart literally aches when i see a random person talking to someone else in class, i just get so jealous and wish it was me, i wish that was my life but deep down i know that will never be me so i feel deeply depressed.

i kept thinking "next year will be different" but it's the same fucking thing just in a different location. 
i just feel like i'm going insane, i'm so sick of myself and of my life. i've lost all hope. no one will ever truly love or care for me, how could they? i am unlovable and i'll be alone my whole life. 

(19F)