As the title says. Well she's not really my girlfriend. We were exclusive but we never announced it to the world and our friends kinda knew but were never really sure and I was ok with that. The reason I never wanted to make it public was because I was in a relationship with a BPD before and this is my second one. I was wary of her when she got too close too soon and sure enough the BPD came out in full swing almost a year after after we met.  
  
  
I'm sure she cheated on me a few times. She was just hinting at it to me from time to time. At one point she did the whole "I'm no good for you" routine and at that point I kinda knew she started straying already at least emotionally.   
  
  
In the end I guess she broke up with me to save me from her demons and it hurt but I've mostly healed now.
This is not a post to bash BPDs. This is a post about the lessons I've learned from being with BPD women:  
  
  
1- Nothing is permanent. It sucks when she suddenly dumps me but I realised well what if she suddenly died of a heart attack or something? It would be the same loss and I would be just as powerless about it like if she dumped me on purpose. Which brings me to the next lesson..  
  
  
2- My feelings are my responsibility. It's not my fault that I get dumped for no reason but it's my responsibility to manage my feelings about it. It's also my responsibility to set clear boundaries and stick to them to protect my own feelings. She dumped me once and recycled me, and back then I told her that if she dumped me like that again, I won't tolerate it anymore. And sure enough she did, and when she did I went out with someone else. She wanted to meet up with me for another recycle and I said cool. She stayed the night and found out that I went out with someone else after she dumped me and flew into a rage and dumped me again this time for good. Funny thing is that she admitted to sleeping in the same room with her ex during the time that we weren't together anymore. Funny how she worded that and funny how it's ok for her to do it but not me.   
  
  
3- It's not my responsibility to fix or help her. This I have to admit is the toughest one for me. She's someone I admire. She makes six figures a year in a challenging career and still has the drive to run a business on the side. We met when I was going through a divorce and she helped me heal in a big way. She basically helped my fuck it out of my system. The sex was amazing. She's very feminine when she's in the idealisation phase, and she wants to have a family of her own which for me is something I value in life also. But she can't have all then when she can't control her impulses and emotions. I feel sorry for her. I still care about her. But I had to walk away.   
  
  
After she went mental on me upon finding out that - like her - I was also seeing other people, I didn't contact her for almost a month. I'm quite a patient guy but I also respect myself and I was super pissed off at being dumped over text. I spend the whole month in meditation until I could accept her absence in my life and could truly forgive.  
  
  
I wrote her an email telling her that I'm not mad at her because I understand her illness and I don't want bad blood between us. I told her that she's a beautiful and intelligent woman, and that I admired her fighting spirit to be able to function despite her illness. I also told her honestly that it was hard being in a relationship with her but I can't be angry with her knowing how hard she has it too. I wished her all the success and happiness in the world and bid her farewell for the final time.  
  
  
She didn't write me back but she just PMed me via Whatsapp saying it's all good between us, to which I just said ok cool. I don't think I'll ever hear from her again, or if I actually want to. 