I quit my job and I’m rotting away in my bedroom. I’m not interested in anything. I’m lying to my friends saying I’m going to the gym and taking care of my health but I’m not. I feel terrible. I’m a coward. My best years are behind me. I keep saying tomorrow I’ll get up and be a normal person again but tomorrow never comes. All I want to do is take sleeping pills and sleep the day away. I go out few times a week to meet up with friends and pretend like I’m normal when I’m really an ineffectual slob. I try to get some chores done or do something productive once in a while but the next day all I want to do is nothing. Sometimes I dissociate and stare at myself in the mirror because I don’t recognize who I am anymore. Im too much of a coward to end my life but I wish I could just stop existing. I failed myself and everyone who loves me. 

I’m so tired. This is not the first time I’ve stopped living and just isolated myself to my room. It feels like an endless cycle.