Back story:
Ive had different forms of anxiety my entire life. It started with performance anxiety in my second grade play.... But it had a cute name just called stage fright.
It reared its head again hard at my bar-mitzvah (religious ceremony at age 13 that called for me to read from the Torah in front of a couple hundred people). That was my first and possibly only real panic attack.

Then over the years I realized I had social anxiety too. At first I just figured I hated the mall. Then I wanted to punch everyone in the mall (and I'm by no means a violent person). Dating, socializing, dancing... (As if, lol) were all minimal. Somehow I ended up married when I met someone at work... Lol. 
Then getting into corporate America was OK. I still stressed over people, but it wasn't that bad.
Then I went self employed for 10 years, that was great!
Now the crux of this story... past 10 years I've worked in health care. Started as a manager, did well. Promoted to regional manager and stress and anxiety became an everyday thing. That was the first time I was ever prescribed Xanax (or any psych med). I took it occasionally as needed for public speaking.
**It was only once taking Xanax, and realizing that I had anxiety, that so much of my life made so much more sense. 
-I was able to go to the mall without wanting to kill people.
-I realized that there were hundreds of times in my life that I used an asthma inhaler for asthma, when it fact it was just anxiety.**

Then as work became more and more, the anxiety grew. Instead of occasional Xanax it was nearly every day. I talked to my doctor and started on Zoloft. That worked well.... But turned me into an alcoholic (happily my wife noticed the change).
Switched to Celexa. That helps, but I'm at only 10 MG. It doesn't control the anxiety, but 20mg led to some unwanted male side effects, so I dialed back.

So that brings us to NOW.
Still a Regional Manager in healthcare, but my boss is out to get me for no stated reason whatsoever. Ive never had a single write up, every annual review has always been meets expectations, and the last 2 years were above expectations. 
All of a sudden I get told I'm doing a bad job and my job is on the line... Wtf?
Now I'm totally stressed out for the past few weeks. Nausea, shaking, waking up at 2 am mind racing and unable to sleep. I look at work and I'm in a fog, I can't get moving. A job I loved, and I thought loved me now wants me gone....such a mind-fuck. I'm going out of my mind. I find myself drinking to medicate which scares the hell out of me.

I don't know what to do. I'm just gutted. In such a funk. I think I have to take some time off, but that'll just make me a bigger target. Maybe it's all for the best 2 years of working like a dog through covid for this??? 

Any thoughts or advice welcomed.