everything is just "eh,ok,whatever", i am not looking forward to anything anymore. I am in search of nothing, willing to fight for nothing, whatever happens, happens. I wasn't like this before. I miss my old self. i was full of passion and i was able to feel so much so deep but now I am just going on auto-pilot and the best i can feel is sadness, rage. I think i have let my depression win. Afterall, i have suffered so much trying to fight it, trying to make my life better, failing everytime. I am not even able to imagine a different way of living or a different future anymore. I am like "so,this is it, thats what life is supposed to be then". Whatever...