Nothings really wrong if you looked at my life, but I’ve always had the worst thoughts as a kid. Starting self harming at a young age and it’s just gotten worse over the years. I feel like I’m slowly losing my mind. Just loosing touch with reality. Each day I’m stuck in my head more and everything I tell myself is 100%. I don’t enjoy things. I can’t hold a friendship because of my mood swings. I fear for the future because I feel like im not mentally healthy enough to endure anything a normal human can. I have a terrible fear of abandonment so I prematurely end everything before it has a chance to hurt me. I ruin everything. And I don’t know if my meds have helped or have made me worse, I often forget how I was before them. I stopped seeing my therapist because she couldn’t see me enough and I felt needy. I know it’s my fate to kill myself but I don’t have the balls, I’m too stressed out with how life would be if I failed. It scares me.