I'm no good at anything. I'm a jobless disabled fucking idiot who can't get real work and all my family do is abuse me, they verbally hurt me by telling me the truth, that i'm just a useless sack of shit with no life because I don't have any friends and all my loved ones think im a sicko for being Gay.

I can't move 2 blocks without vomting from a very weak fucking stomach, no matter the medication, I was bedridden for 6 months because of it and lost half my body weight. 

I'm weak and frail, i break easy, im emotionally distraught, I hate myself.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know what to even try. I can't even love myself when everyone I know has a job, or has skills or has ambitions and goals and i'm the sad sack of shit who needs to be looked after and they all call me a parasite and they're right.

I'll never be able to live on my own or live a normal life, i'll never be able to exist without them and when they die, i'll die because i can't look after myself. I'm just a pointless, awful human being who won't amount to anything.

I'm stupid and dumb and all I do is try to work on a dumb book nobody will read because i'm some stupid fantasy loving idiot who wants to write a book just because its fun but that's not real work, that's not a real hobby, i'm not doing a real thing so they treat me like im lazy and pointless. 

I'm just rambling at this point trying to get off everything on my chest.

Please help me someone, I don't know what to even do, they treat me like im pointless, but I didn't ask to suffer like this. I didn't want to be this useless pos.