I dont love myself. I dont know who i am. I thought it would take a while to reacclimate to a lifestyle of work and marriage and sobriety. But i guess ive never been there. Sure ive been married and worked alot but ive never been sober. And ive never been here. Ive always had friends. And talked to them about all the things ive never felt like i could tell a family member. I had Hobbies. Things i enjoyed. Things that i was proud of. I was semi took care of myself. Maybe not by doing drugs and alcohol but i always looked nice. Dressed nice. Cared about my appearence. Showered all the time. I just cared. Always did. I used to be funny. I knew how to have a good time. I think thats what i miss the most. This person i see in the mirror. I dont know him. I cry everytime i think about it. I dont know how to get out of it. I thought id be "better" or "cured" just through sobriety. But its not that simple i guess. I have alot of work ahead of me. I want so bad to feel like myself again or better i want to feel like a new me. Right now im just a hole.