It would be perfect if I just winked out of existence like I was never here. I don't want to commit suicide I just literally don't want any of this. 

I have a low immune system so I get sick often. On top of that I get very physical symptoms with my anxiety. This means I can only work for a couple months at a time before my body gives up and I have to spend time recovering. 

This makes me an absolutely useless person. 

To top this all off, I have executive dysfunction and I literally don't ever think about the chores around me unless I need it done in that moment. Sometimes I really want to clean and I end up just staring at everything for hours until i give up and nothing gets done. 

This understandably makes people angry at me. 

I am tired of this. I'm tired of being sick and I'm tired of chronic illness never going away and I don't want this to just be my life even though it has always been. Always. 

But I can't and won't commit suicide because I don't want anyone to find me and I don't want anyone to have to clean up after me. I just...want everything to stop. I want to fade away.