This is my first time posting in this subreddit, so hello :)

I suffer from severe anxiety and have been suffering since I was in High School. It's been a constant roller coaster and struggle for me and this issue affects my dating life a lot. I have realized that Im so clingy and so needy, that it ruins any relationship that I build with good people. I scare half of the guys I date away because of my closed off-ness and awkward personality (which is out of my control) and my constant need for reassurance. It feels like nobody understands what I go through, to the point I have contemplated offing myself multiple times because my anxiety and my attachment issues feel like a body snatcher invasion and I want to end my suffering like that because I can't take it anymore.

I recently used to date this amazing, funny, and great looking guy. He and I had banter, we had chemistry (sexual and otherwise), we had so many things in common, it felt like I finally found the one. However, I started to become clingy, my anxiety started to take over, and I absolutely ruined any chances of a relationship I had with him. He told me that even without the attachment issues, it wouldn't have worked out because Im closed off and awkward according to him and it was too much for him to handle. I told him that I'm trying my best to heal myself and I promised him that going forward it won't happen again. But he didn't listen. He's attracted to me, but he doesn't want anything romantic with me because of this. 

I hate it. I hate the fact the fact that I'm trying to so hard to heal myself, but its not working. I hate that I am ruining my chances at romance because this monster like I like to describe it as is ruining everything. 

It would be so helpful if anyone here could give me any tips on y'all handle your issues in your dating life, because if down the line I meet another wonderful person, I cannot destroy my chances. I won't  destroy it because I have had enough. Im tired.