I have not had sex since feb of 2017, that's almost two years. I am not capable of relationships; platonic or no. I have let go of everyone in my life in exchange for being able to make it to &amp; thru work each day battling my suicidal ideation, strong emotional responses, and depression. Not only do I not have the energy or skills to have close people in my life, I don't have the desire. I am trying to get well. The VERY last thing I need is to crush on someone who lives in my gd condo complex.

It's been almost 2 years since I've had sex, and there was one time since then that almost resulted in a romantic relationship. That ended before it even started &amp; it took me about 3 weeks to recover &amp; feel "normal sad" instead of "totally broken devastation sad" .

I can't afford this. I caught a little bit of feelings. We've known each other 6 months &amp; my defense mechanisms have worked really well. Despite their charm, sweetness, &amp; looks, I've managed to have plenty of interaction without ever thinking twice about them.

Until a couple days ago. They had lost their phone a few weeks prior, so when I would text &amp; got no response, I was a little concerned. (they are the president of my hoa &amp; my neighbor &amp; friend). So when I ran into them in the complex one day we greeted each other warmly  with a "oh so glad you're okay" tone &amp; with hugs. Like 3 hugs! Then hung out for like an hour, talking &amp; catching up. They gave me their new# and all was well. Then I noticed them lingering after we had already said goodbye. I noticed that I also wanted to keep hanging out. They were so warm &amp; kind &amp; there were a couple of sweet, vulnerable moments. "I enjoy talking with you" they told me. Followed up with a text later saying "thank you for talking with me. I was down &amp; I needed that." It made me feel feelings! This sux cause in the past, they said stuff that would make someone with a crush feel feelings, but it just no impact on me then 

When shit doesn't go right, I don't get hurt, I shatter. I'm a peice of glass inside a glass house, hauling a bunch of glass rocks, surrounded by glass eggshells &amp; I must tred lightly, stay focused &amp; not let some crush destroy it all. Help