Sorry if this doesn't exactly belong here. This is a throwaway as I don't want anyone to know I have mental disorders. I'm going to start out talking about my mom because when I do things will make more sense. My mom was born with not enough oxygen to her brain and a few other problem, luckily she pulled through but she had some pretty big mental handicaps going forward in life such as Williams syndrome, autism, aspergers and something else I forget. As she grew up her mental disorders became more apparent. She lacked common sense, was a chronic liar, was gullible and very easily manipulated. My grandmother didn't know what to do with her or how to get help for her because  I guess 45 plus years ago they didn't have the programs to help people with mental disabilities. This lead to my grandmother being always stressed out about my mom, neglecting my uncle, and she started smoking. And eventually my grandparents got divorced. And with my mom being very gullible  and trusting to random people this lead to her being taken advantage of by random guys. This eventually lead to her getting being pregnant with me. Who is my father? I don't know, not even my mom knows. Anyways when I was born I was originally supposed to live with my mom, but my mom didn't know how to take care of a baby, so I ended up in the hospital after being only 2 months old, because my mom fed my spoiled formula. That's when my grandmother decided to take me in and raise me herself.

Now onto me. I don't know how old I was, but i was diagnosed with autism, ADHD, and aspergers from a young age. And I guess my grandmother thought I would end up like my mom, so she used every available resource to get me the 'help' I needed. I remember up until the second grade I was regular classes with all the other kids until I got transferred to these new 'special' classes where I was put in with a few other kids who had mental disabilities, I was told I'd be in these classes now. I remember feeling out of place because I couldn't really talk to the other kids and the class was very hand holding wit things I could easily figure out myself. I also got transferred to the 'short' bus and got taken off the regular school bus. Which made me feel more isolated from the rest of the kids because instead of taking the normal school bus I was picked up at my house with about three other mentally disabled kids and when we got to school we were dropped off at the back of the school where we'd be escorted to our classes. School was never really challenging for me anymore and all my classes were incredibly easy. I remember watching cartoons of kids in school having to study for exams  doing homework, taking test and I wondered why I never had to do any of that at my school. I would always ace any problems given to me and get candy as a reward, it was all really too easy and was kind of boring most of the time. I continued to be in these classes until my my sophomore year in high school. I was in the cafeteria after school when I noticed another student was sitting alone playing pokemon on his DS. I decided to go speak to him and we started bonding very quickly. After hanging out for a while he asked why he'd never seen me before and if I was new. When I told him what classes I was in he said "oh, you're in those special classes". I asked him what he meant and he told me that the classes that I were in were for students who had mental disabilities and couldn't weren't in the same classes as regular students. But he said that I wasn't like them and he questioned why I was in those classes to begin with. When I got home I asked my grandmother to take to take me out of those classes. She didn't want to as she was convinced that I needed to stay in those classes because of my 'challenges' as she says. I told her I wouldn't be going back to school until I was    taken out. Long story short, I was taken out of the special classes and put into normal classes.

At first it was hard for me to adjust, I never had homework before or had to study for tests, it was all new and confusing for me, luckily i had some good teachers and friends that helped me progress quickly and i was able to catch up with everyone, I made some good friends and I felt normal. I still had challenges with focusing and communication but I was able to overcome them. There was only one time some guy tried to  pick on me and call me retarded when he found out I transferred out of special classes but luckily for me I had made friends who shut that down real quick. And I ending up graduating with a good GPA and had taken honors and some advanced classes. After school though I decided I didn't want to go to college and instead started looking for work. My grandmother at first wanted me to a job at a place that hires people with disabilities simple job that don't require much thinking. Or she even wanted me to apply to get money from the state once per month like my mom does. I was very insulted that she really thinks that little of me. I am an individual who can work and provide for myself, I would rather work at a dead end, below minimum wage job then sit on my ass and get paid from the government when that money could go to people who actually can't work and need money to live. I ended up apply for jobs in my around me and got a job at a Burger King and started working there, I then was noticed by other employers who saw how hard I worked and I was offered a job at different restaurant that paid more, and eventually I landed a good job at a high end country club that pays extremely well and I get good work from. This all happened in about three years too. This brings us to today, I have been saving up a lot of money and I was planning on living on my own soon and getting a license and a car. I never had to drive anywhere before because most places near me are a walk or a bus ride away. My grandmother doesn't want me to live on my own because of my disabilities and wants to set me up with a roommate that also has disabilities so that we can "take care of each other". She also doesn't want me driving because of my focusing problem and says that my challenges wouldn't allow me to drive. I'm so sick of my grandmother and my family in general treating me like I'm my mom, you would think after all these years that they would realize that I'm not her but you'd be wrong. I do admit I am self aware of problems I have in my every day life connected to my disabilities, but they are not as extreme as my mothers. 

I have a hard time focusing, I can't seem to sit still and focus on work and my mind always wonders. I'm often told something, like "go to the kitchenand take out the trash" and when I get to the kitchen I forget why I came there in the first place. I also need to be shown things more than a few times to understand something whereas I see other people can pick up on things quicker. I can't look people in the eyes, I get told this a lot because I guess it makes other people uncomfortable when I talk to them. I am slow to pick up on things, and situations. I don't tend to know a lot of things other people know. Idk of this is because of my disability or the fact that most of my time on school has been in the special classes, but often times I have to ask people to explain something to me and tell them I don't understand. It's fine when I tell this to my friends but it's harder to do with other people because they just think I'm purposely not paying attention to them. I have a hard time making decisions and often spend a long time trying to make them. Like once I wanted to eat out and spent over an hour and a half having a debate in my head on weather I should get pizza or chinese food. I also can't stand loud noises and try to avoid being around them (although I think most people dont like loud noises). I sometimes get lost in my own head more than I'd like to admit, like some times I can sit down for hours, not doing anything at all, and just be thinking about ultimately nothing. The only other people who know about my disabilities are my close friends and that's it. I don't want anyone else to know I don't want people to treat me differently because of them. I wish my family would see that. My biggest fear is that what if I am actually like my mom but I'm just not aware of it, and ev everyone around me is just pretending like I'm normal. When I think about things like this it just messes with my head badly. Maybe im just complaining about nothing and it's all in my head, idk.

Sorry this post is so long, I had a lot to say and needed to vent. Thanks for reading if you did read it all. I'd be happy to clarify any details or add more if asked but I think this is enough for now.