Thank you brain for not allowing me to trust those dearest to me, for thinking they're going to abandon me and making me do things that lead to them actually abandoning me. Again.

Turns out she's like all the others lmao, I should never have trusted myself

I either have absolutely no regard for people or I love them way too much. That love somehow smothers them to the point they get bored or tired of me and they abandon me. Shit why can't I just function like a normal person, why can't I stop loving people more than I love myself.

Is BPD even an excuse for the way I act? I've been taking meds but the pieces of shit aren't working so I've been trying my damn hardest to pretend they are so she would think I'm fixed or normal but the truth is that I'm more broken than ever. Fuck my life tbh


I know I'm being vague as shit but I don't care. I'm typing this more for me than I am for you, reader. I need to vent and get this shit off my chest. Some people are better off being alone. Hermits. If that's what I have to do to stop myself from hurting others and myself, shit maybe I should just isolate myself from society.

I thought I'd found someone I could trust, someone I finally had a real bond with but nope it's just the same as with all the others, people will pretend they love you and care about you and they'll understand when your mental illness acts up right until the point where they get tired of you. Fuck people. Fuck these assholes who pretend they care. I don't need them I've lived my whole life alone and I can do it again.

I was a fool to trust not only her but I shouldn't have trusted myself either. I shouldn't have let myself think she was different. She tricked me into thinking she was special, now I understand she's not but the worst part is that if she talked to me again with her soft words and saying she loves me no matter what I'd get tricked again
