
I have been suffering with OCD for a few months now and I have ASD and ADHD on top of that, I can barely handle my life and I’m only 13 years. I feel like this is the worst my anxiety has been, my friends hate me and no one likes me in school. My family are trying there best and are helping but not enough. 

My OCD started off the with sexual thoughts now it has shaped into murder thoughts which is scaring me way more then before. I keep on getting intrusive thoughts of saying awful things and I hate it. I keep on getting urges to do horrible things to my family and my meds don’t seem to work. Reddit has been my place the get answers but this time I’m really worried.

I woke up today having the normal urges which I try to shrug off. I stayed in my room trying to distance from everyone while on my phone. My intrusive thoughts and urges are mostly directed at my brother who is 5. I try to imagine how sad it would be if he died to reassure myself I  wouldn’t kill him but then this happened.

I had a thought saying what if I killed my brother and went against all my values, it was this overwhelming feeling of anxiety that I couldn’t bring to scale. I felt this sensation of my heart stopping and me worrying. This feeling has only happened once before. This thought was a worry that I could just kill my brother and what if I did just do it and my OCD tried to convince me I would and I could. I felt like I was about to cry and while writing this I feel like Im about to cry. What if this feeling was me wanting to kill my brother I can’t tell exactly what this feeling was but I didn’t like it, I felt like I would go against my values and kill my brother, I didn’t want to but what if I did just do it. Can someone help me please as I’m writing this l just got the same feeling again and I feel like I’m going to kil him but I don’t want to. I’m crying tears and I’m scared can someone help?