I am in the process of finding a therapist to talk about BPD stuff, but am in a tight spot financially atm. I’m just wondering, what is considered to be the normal level of anger?

When I got angry at my parents when I lived with them, in the moment it felt like I legitimately wanted them to die. I don’t believe in God but I’d pray that my mom would die in a car wreck etc. (I’m sorry if this sounds insensitive to anyone). Once I also screamed that I hated her on Mother’s Day (there’s a backstory), but we have always had a really close but up/down relationship. I’d have to physically take my anger out on shit and once tore down my ceiling panels when I was younger.

Is this an abnormal level of anger for a child? I’ve only ever felt it toward my parents after arguments, particularly my mom. It had never occurred to me until about 15 minutes ago that this could be unusual.