Me (19 male) i'm suffering from depression for 3 years rn it has been a thought time to get here, when i was 8 or so my mom and my dad needed someone to take care of me when they weren't at home so my neighbors son that was 14 back on those days gently offered himself to take care of me and my little brother when they weren't at home, at first she refused but he kept on bothering her that he could do this while she searched after someone to take care of us. After some time insisting my mom let him take care of us, it was very good for us he was ouer "friend", for some time it was very funny but those good moments were gone as fast as they came. One day my parents and my little brother were going  to my grandmother's house and I wanted to say at my house so my mom called my neighbor's son to ask him if he could come to my house to take care of me, as soon as he accepted he was at my door step my parents left and I stayed home with him it was all going normal until he suggested that we play a new game he invented. I was a curious kid I really got exited when he suggested that then he said for this game you need to be blindfolded to play, I got a little bit confused but I accepted, than it happened he guided me through the house for a few minutes when he suddenly stopped and threw me on the floor  and raped me, while doing this he said to me that if I said what he had done to me we would kill me and my little brother, I was a little kid and didn't knew what just happened so I just followed my life just like it never happened, the time passed and he kept on doing this 2 or 3 times a week it just stopped when my mom found someone to take care of me, it happened one more time later on that year when another person a lot older did it to me again but it really hurts me and I don't want to talk about it, so now It took all my self confidence and all it hurts so badly I can't focuse in my life I can't study for college without crying for hours,  I can't eat, I feel dirty every second, I can't sleep, i can't even make friends, i'm alone studying on other state away from the only things that kept me a little happy I'm away of my parents, I'm away from my brother, i'm away from my girlfriend and I can't complete a full conversation without crying it's taking everything and everyone that I love from me i'm tired of all this it hurts so bad neither my psychologist or the drugs are helping me anymore i'm felling lost whith my thoughts.
btw sorry for my bad english I'm from Brazil hope to find help by telling someone all of this