I don't know how to love myself in anything outside of work. Maybe it was the way that I was raised or something, but it almost feels like I was brainwashed to believe that nothing but work matters. My therapist concurs with this assessment.

I am trying to build an identity. I have hobbies which I am good at, or at the very least enjoy. I have friends who like me. There are a few recipients of the ample love I have to give. Logically, I understand there are many things to celebrate about myself, but I don't know how to just appreciate those things. Something in my mind, some kind of subconscious operation forces me to devalue myself. I start questioning everything. Whether someone actually cares about me or not. Whether I'm actually good at a hobby or not. It inadvertently leads to splitting until some sort of external validation pushes me in the right direction and I can think positively about myself again.

I know that being in a romantic relationship is not a requirement, but I am genuinely worried that if I cannot love myself, that other people will not have any reason to see anything in me. Or, things maybe like my previous relationship where I was effectively a machine or a paycheck, and the person loved the benefits of having me around instead of loving me as a person. Even now, I am worried that all my friendships are like this. I logically know who I am, but how can I love who I am? How can I get people to like me without me changing who I am to get their attention (is this even the right thing to do)?

Is anyone in the same boat? Has anyone resolved this problem for themselves without external help? Please, I really need to get out of this hell.