I guess this is a confession post but the past few days I’ve been going back to my old habits: arguing with people online while knowing it will end up making me feel worse. I found a very dark side of Twitter I don’t recommend anyone checks out. It’s basically where people post their self harm pics and encourage others to do the same. I saw a tweet calling out someone for doing this and I glanced at the replies. Keep in mind the account who posted this is not on that side of Twitter. Someone mentioned that it was disturbing and an account with NO WARNING replied with a very graphic self harm pic, one that could qualify for gore. I freaked out and told the person that they’re a piece of shit for exposing someone to that without their consent and potentially triggering them. They laughed at me for being “overly offended” but I didn’t really feel like arguing so I sort of just left it. Their friend then asks me if I want to see “something funny” and I sarcastically reply “ok, I’m waiting”. They reply with MULTIPLE pictures of self harm. I’ve self harmed before and I have a lot of scars, some worse than others, but this is straight up from a horror movie. I’ve never seen anything like this and I’m not good with that much blood and no warning, so something in my brain shuts off and I become a different person. I don’t even want to repeat what I said but it was horrible (Twitter suspension-level bad) and my only justification is that I was being as edgy as he was. I click on his profile again and I see that he’s just a severely mentally ill kid  and I feel a lot of sympathy. I don’t think I’ll get those images out of my head… I honestly wonder how he’s not in hospital it’s that bad. He jokes about at me, nothing too bad. I explain to him that I didn’t mean what I said and that I was just triggered by him posting those images and laughing about it, it deeply disturbed me. He apologises too and we are cool. His friends continue to attack me because of what I said and call me a horrible person, which hurts a lot.  I feel so guilty… it’s like every time I’m overwhelmed my empathy is shut off and I say horrible things. I still think what he did was wrong but he’s younger than me and I should have just ignored it. I suck, I deserve the worst.