For the longest time I've thought that I don't have social anxiety, only general anxiety, because usually I can shoot the shit with acquaintances for as long as needed, talk about most things and be fine. Well, I'm starting to realize I'm fine in social situations as long as I don't share anything personal about my life. I can talk about work/school, the weather, politics, I can tell you what I did last weekend no problem, but that's about where I draw the line. I never talk about myself. And that's probably why I don't have friends lol.

But today at work I was chatting with someone that I'm starting to consider a friend... kind of. So I thought, what the hell, I'm never going to get better at making friends if I don't share stuff about my life every now and then. So I told them how I'm struggling to find a new apartment in this new city that I'm moving to in September and how stressed it makes me (I'd like to find a ground floor apartment that allows pets because I have a large, heavy dog that struggles to walk stairs and I'd rather not carry him up and down the stairs multiple times every day). The conversation carried on nicely and in my mind I was already patting myself on the back.

As I left the break room, though, I started to feel light headed and shortness of breath. I realized I haven't been that honest with anyone in probably over a year... I'm blessed to have my own office so I locked myself in there for a while to breathe and calm down. Once I realized what was going on, it was actually pretty interesting to watch what was happening in my body as the anxiety washed over me in waves. Breathing exercises helped a bit. I no longer feel nauseous. I can still feel it some, I feel like I've run a marathon and like someone whacked me on the head, but it's getting better.

I'm counting this as a win in my books. I survived. I actually shared something personal, something that's hard for me, instead of only talking about work or the other person's life. It wasn't easy and it probably won't be easy the next time either but even slow progress is progress.