I take 600mg of Lithium and 60mg of adderal at the moment and life seemed stable. I landed a great internship and I am behind in my progress and want to impulsively quit. 

Why can half of me land the internship and do well in the first half but then manage to get extremely unmotivated, depressed, and suicidal. I feel like I’m going thru a constant “fucking shit up for myself” phase at my job because I become so down. 

Quitting would mean no more money and more burned bridges added to the list.

I hate myself for getting the job and I hate myself even more for fucking it up. This cycle seems to never end and it makes it hard to even want a future.