This weekend I spent 3-4 days with my bestfriend, which it was awesome and we shared many laughs. The downsides were how I would get jealous or feel “weird” whenever I saw my bestfriend talking and sharing laughs, it caused me to kinda act out in a way.  Like my mind would create a problem and tell me “you notice how she’s more talkative with them rather than you?” And I’d step away a bit until she would ask what was wrong and I’d say “nothing”.  Which I admit is kinda childish but sometimes I cannot control my emotions.

The other night me and my friend got into it because of my overthinking.. me, my bestie went with this chick to smoke some weed. Well they both started talking away and I felt I wasn’t included because each time they would speak it would go on and on without a break in the conversation. So my anxiety turned to frustration.. as soon as we got back to her house I literally went off on her, I yelled at her and told her what was wrong. But after she started crying I felt horrible because I let my mind get the best of me, so I gave her a tight hug. 

Fast forward to now and last night.. she texted me pointing out how I was aggressive attitude wise and how she felt shitty because she’s only one person and how everyone wanted her attention. I replied after that expressing my wrong doings and apologized but she hadn’t replied back to me.. I’m so scared right now that she could be mad at me, because she told me she likes to resolve things that same day out of fear she won’t have a friend anymore if the issue wasn’t resolved or something like that… I hate who I am as a person and hate how my mind works …