everything's just been getting worse and the walls I hit are harder each time. yesterday I went drinking, and I was exceptionally drunk, and near the end of my night I broke down in the middle of the club. full on tears streaming down my face, leaning against a wall to support my heavy chest. I went home early and went to bed. today I went to my boyfriend's house, feeling pretty shit. I was content though and pretty relaxed and then all of a sudden it hit me. he was talking about something (that I would not normally get upset over) and it just hit me. I had to play a game on my phone to relax me, stand up to relive the tension of my chest from lying down, and I even handed him my necklace that had a sharp bit on it to stop me from inevitably harming myself with it tonight.

I'm home now and I plan on making myself a snack and going upstairs to watch a movie. I have an essay due for Thursday but I need time to relax. my mental health needs to come before university work because just now I don't even know if I'll be alive long enough to hand my essays in. that's how bad it's getting. I sound like im overreacting but I'm in distress right now. I'm panicking and my mental health is really starting to scare me beyond belief. I was scared before but now I feel like it's taking over and I'm just watching myself deteriorate.