my best friends over the past few months have just started slipping away from me, stopped responding to texts. at first, you know, i'd try to avoid my bpd-ness (which they know about and were very supportive around), i'd ask them hey how are you? but a few months after when I would send those semi-urgent texts, going hey i would really really love to talk to someone right now :( but no responses. it's been around 4 months, number of unanswered messages very much up in the double digits maybe even past that. i try not to bother too much, i know how my bpd can get. i try not to bother and I've 100% scaled it back.
but lately I've needed to talk to friends so badly. so so badly. a little over 4 months ago my bpd and a lot of related things, long story short i was raped. i was really upset so i had been drinking a lot. i didn't even realize i had sex until like over a week later when my date told me we had sex. but honestly i was asleep because i'd been drinking so much. when i met up with him i hadn't even been planning to have sex. anyway. I'm having an abortion tomorrow. and I've tried talking to my friends again, saying hey can i please talk to you about something thats really been bothering and upsetting me. its been months and i haven't heard back from any of them. its just so sad to me that I'm in this situation where i wish so much i could go back and find support. i wanted my friends with me at least some of the way. not sure why I'm posting this. but I'm just......very sad at the situation I'm finding myself in. to be honest I'm going to stop trying to contact them because i fully understand what their actions mean. i thought i had stopped or at least very much curbed my bpd-ness but i guess it wasnt enough. i wish i could go back