i made an attempt on my life last monday by overdosing on my medication. i still haven't quite processed it and i don't know if i did it because i legitimately wanted to end my life, or because i knew that even if i survived, it would mean i would get to take a break from the absolute drudgery that lift had become. 

didn't work, obviously, and i was hospitalized for a few days and monitored closely, then medically cleared. my stomach still hurts a lot but i've started being able to keep food down. my liver hurts. i'm disoriented most of the time. doctor said that the meds i took have a long half-life so i'm going to be feeling it for a few weeks at least. 

i was thankfully not put into inpatient psychiatry because i don't have an intention of trying again, and i live with my parents who can monitor me closely, and have a therapist, etc. 

now i don't know what to do. i'm back home with my parents, who had no idea i'd been dealing with mental health issues until now. and this is such a lonely feeling. some friends know and have been really kind about it, reaching out to see how i'm doing, but i don't want to see them because i feel like if i do it'll just be a whole thing of "OP attempted so let's be really sympathetic and nice to her". i feel like i've almost marked myself as the Insane Bipolar Girl. 

and i know from a rational standpoint none of this is rooted in truth or logic but it's just how i feel. i'm between therapists and just started seeing a pretty great one but psychiatry where i live is insanely difficult to get. something got lost in translation and i was told i could see a covered psychiatrist and psychotherapist imminently but then got the call saying my first appointment was august 4. i am lucky in that i can afford private therapy and am resourceful enough to be able to carry myself through until then.

but that's not what i'm worried about right now. has anyone here ever made an attempt during an episode and survived? if so how did you start integrating yourself back into Real Life again?