Sorry for going against a therapist, I know they are untouchable, but I was diagnosed with bpd after roughly two days in their sessions. They didn't test me, we barely talked. The only thing that could be ''bpd-ish'' is a continuous sensation of emptiness/hopelessness and the fact that I'm a woman (it's more diagnosed in women).

I think that if I have something it's Avoidant Personality Disorder because I am scared of intimacy and I distrust people outside of my family. Where most people feel closer to someone after being vulnerable, I feel awkward and I have a need to run. Like ''great, I f\*cked up''. 

I never idealize or demonize people, in fact I have those because my mother does it and it triggers me. In fact, my mother is more borderline than me. It's more the sensation of getting ''caught'' and people discovering that I am a ''fraud'' than them being evil or too good or something.

In general I hate expectations from people (I needed to be perfect in order to be loved), because all my life I had to show I was worthy of love and I don't want that anymore. 

So I guess that I internalized it to the point that I assume most people are like this. I'm trying to get better, but the ''hey, get anxious, they caught you on your lies of being a good person'' appears once in a while.

&amp;#x200B;

It's not even fear of abandonment, because I prefer to be alone most of the time? I understand people will leave you. It's the feeling that I failed/disappointed them. That they counted on me and I did them dirty.