Hi guys, I am completely new to this subreddit. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 16 and it is pretty well controlled until I have certain life events that tend to send me spiraling out of control. 

I am getting married next week and I have found myself overcome with an intense numbness that keeps shifting into irritability and then to sadness, and then back to numbness. 

One thing with the BPD is I can’t seem to identify WHY I feel these emotions, and I just want to feel happy. Marriage is the happiest thing to happen in someone’s life and I’m just so out of touch. I’ve never dealt well with change, but nothing is really changing other than my last name. We already live together and have been together since I was 14. I’m now 23. 

 Can someone please offer advice to resolve these feelings?