Confusional rant, Sorry for my english and poor explanation. 


I'm sorry mom. You are the only one that can't leave me and so you are forced to hear all the horrible things I say to you. I can't do the same with other people because I have no one. Oh well... If some stranger treats me bad/something happen maybe in the streets and I'm already in a bad place mentally I lash out too. I can be so cruel with words. But people don't know my past.
And when I like someone I'm just a costant push and pull, trying to be perfect but with some interesting flaws, I try to open up because it's required but I'm still masking. I can't open up because they would fly away. I just don't know who I am and I want to escape my brain so much. And Universe please hear me and take my brother out of my life forever. Bad grass never die they say but sometimes I want to put gas and fire in that grass lol. (He Is 10 year older and during my teen years he was abusive with me and my mom, beating everyday, we couldn't Say and do nothing It was like living in prison). Sorry but thank God reddit exists and I can write here.