I've been trying to do things, be productive and take care of myself for soo long but I never committed and nothing ever seems to change. I really hate myself from inside and out, I can't accept myself I can't get the idea of "why wasn't I born without all these physical shit issues that make me super insecure" out of my head, I feel disgusted of myself and ugh I just hate me so much. My life has absolutely nothing interesting in it, I can't do anything either because of my shitty family all I could do is studying which I've been trying to do for months but I just can't put myself to focus or do anything really, I just lay on bed all day doing absolutely nothing but scrolling through shit and crying, I also feel super lonely all the time cuz I really am all alone, I lost all my irl friends and ig my only close online friend too. Everything is just so depressing I can't find the will to move my body, I'm even finding it difficult to fake smile in front of my family like Idk I just don't have the power for anything literally. Any advice is appreciated