I have bpd and I have made the worst decisions in my life while I’m married. We have been separated for awhile now, but I want to be with him. I need help with understanding why I am this way and advice on what to do here. Ever since we separated, my life has been a living hell. We have a child together, but I feel that she doesn’t want to be with me or around me. I have more good days than bad days, but things have gotten out of control. I have all these feelings about him, and I want to be with him. I am willing to do any counseling and therapy that he wants me to do. But I’m also torn between trying to better myself and just giving up and just existing. I’ve cheated on him so many times, and I want to stop all of that and I don’t want to hurt him ever again. But I’m afraid that things will be good for a while and then go back to the terrible person. Does anyone have any suggestions on how to go about getting into the mind set of not feeling worthless all the time?