I have this feeling that in these last weeks my social communication competence have been failing me miserably. Everytime i meet someone i lose my thought, i feel energy being drained from me, i start a conversation but i stop answering, i just become quiet. To the point where a person is talking to me and i don't answer, i just stare right at them, i lose everything in my mind, like some heavy weight is being  pushed down on me. Then i feel rude, i feel i meet someone and i don't talk to them, that leads to greater anxiety wich leads to greater feeling of not having anything to say. I started avoiding going out, i started avoiding conversations, at work i don't make small talks, i work in a register and i just do what i have too, feel like a robot who is just here to do his job. I have had alot of anxiety, specially in public transportation and classrooms. I tried to do my own reaserch, everything from reading "Norman Doidge, the brain that changes itself" to "Influence, Robert Cialdini", i always try to apply what i read. When it came to Norman Doidges book and where he said that the brain is like a real estate, the parts that we don't use we lose and the parts that we do they grow and start taking dominant role. I tried to apply that. I read that the "fight or flight" response is being activated by amygdala, and the control center is prefrontal cortex. So i tried to play more chess, i tried to do more math i tried to avoid any fearful situation to activate that part of the brain least possible. It didn't help, then i found out that if we conquer our fear as we do in exposure therapy. We get a rush of dopamine, but that's hard, i have one month left of school and i might fail because i just can't meet up. I can't expose myself. I have thought little bit more about it, and maybe it's not anxiety at all, maybe it's depression. Maybe my natural self is depressed and doesn't want to do anything, maybe truly just want to lay in bed all the time, maybe i just don't want to try. But somehow i created this illusion in my head that i like school, i would like a career, i would like some money in the bank so i could buy house in the middel of the forest and just be there for myself. Maybe i am lying to myself and that is leading to my surpessed identity, that leads to a huge amount of anxiety. I have also tried everything from increasing my serotonin levels my tryptophan and vitamin d, have at one period thought i had low testosterone levels so i checked it out and it was in place. I get really insecure about my language and how i speak, like i don't know how to build sentences. So i tried reading and writing to increase my vocabulary, to increase my ways of articulate. But the more i read and the more i write the more i understand that i don't know how to read or write. And there was one more thought that i was thinking yesterday. Maybe my anxiety was not that severe maybe i just overthinked it one time, decided to fix a problem, i mean we are problem solvers that's our nature. And i got so obsessed with it that it might lead to long term anxiety. Maybe by trying to fix it i made it worse. I am in a loop. BTW, the "influence" book fucked me up even more, i started thinking everybody is out to get me, and i got extra paranoid and started very carefully reading between the lines. Have anyone experienced something similar, and do you know or have tried ways of coping and fixing it?