I've never been to a psychiatrist, but after my recent divorce, issues I've always had are seeming to get worse. I think most people I run into would assume I'm pretty normal, but there are just things about me that seem off.

I'm not trying to diagnose myself, but I have been looking into different possibilities based on how I am, and it seems BPD and Bipolar/Cyclothymia could be a possibility.

Should I bring this up to a psychiatrist? Or just let them talk to me and diagnose my issues as they see fit?

By the way, if you want context on why I think I may have BPD, I've posted this before in other subs:

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So I have never been to a psychiatrist or therapist. I've never had any overbearing need to (before now, I guess).

The only issues I've had that I can think of is, as a kid, I was presumed to have something like ADD or ADHD. Had to start Kindergarten a year late. But then again, lots of young boys are said to have ADD/ADHD at that age.

Anyways, towards the end of high school, I noticed I had some mood issues. Nothing too major, but enough that I noticed.

Some days I would be really happy and optimistic about myself and ideas for the future. Other days I would be self loathing and believe nothing mattered at all.

Some days I was nice to my friends and care about their issues. Other days I could be a real prick with little remorse.

When I was 20, I started dating my soon to be ex-wife. I loved her (still do), and after a year we became long distance. I was always worried she was maybe getting close with other guys (she wasn't). That would lead to bad arguments.

When things were going well and normal and a planned visit would come along, I would randomly come up with excuses to cancel it or avoid her. Looking back, it makes no sense at all. When we got together, we had a great time.

In general, I'm pretty impulsive and I'm not a risk averse person. I like climbing tall trees without ropes, and gambling/going to casinos. I'm not frugal with money. I also go through times when I can really overdo it with eating and alcohol.

Also, I have a bad temper. Its part of why our marriage fell apart 4 ish months ago. I was never physical abusive, but I would curse and say very terrible things and scream when in arguments. And then, an hour later, I would try to make up with her and try to get everything back to normal. Often, it was over me thinking she was putting her parents or her work over our life.

With career/work and other interests, I have a cyclical issue where I get super into the idea of a career for a week or two, then I drop it and move on. Sometimes I think I'm ridiculously smart, and other times I think I'm completely useless. I pick up and drop interests all the time.

I've been like what I described above at least since my mid to late teens.

Since my wife left me in October, I've been like that, but cranked to 11, plus throw in some suicidal thoughts now and then.

One day I'm so depressed and think about what it could be like to kill myself (I never would though, I love my son more than anything and will always be there for him.) The next day, I'm thinking about what my new life can be like, acting pretty optimistic, all things considered. The next day, I hate everybody, including myself, and especially my wife. I pace around and cuss to myself and have mock arguments when alone sometimes (not WITH myself, more like what I would like to say to my wife). An hour later, I love her so much and wish she would come back.

Like I said, I think there's something wrong with me. This isn't normal behavior. My temper with my wife during our marriage, while it was never physical, definitely wasn't normal. The fact that I would be over it in an hour and be trying to bury the hatchet so fast wasn't normal.

I'm going to try to see a psychiatrist as soon as I can, though I don't know when that will be.

Any advice or insight would be really appreciated. Thanks everyone.