My SIL is struggling and I want to talk to her about it but don’t know how. She often makes situations more complicated and dramatic than they need to be, stressing herself and becoming emotional. Obviously, I have a personal reason for wanting her to change but I also feel like she’s stuck in a cycle of behavior that is making her unhappy. 

This is such a minor example but it does show what I mean: she offered to help me make a shopping list for thanksgiving which would make our lives easier but instead of completing that task, she made half a cooking schedule, added 5 recipes and told me “not to look at the shared doc.”

A part of me is surprised and another part of me is like, I should have seen this coming. She stresses about everything, even how to take vacation. Like “How do I optimize cost and time!!!” And then doesn’t recognize that all the “optimizing and efficiency” ends up making her cry in exhaustion and frustration. 

Her emotionality is not victimless. I’ve been at several family gatherings where she has had a large emotional reaction. At one she yelled and cried at my SO for being such a bad brother. She has also tried to engage me in a conversation about how her issues are partly his fault.

My SO and I decided we would talk to her in advance of Thanksgiving because her father has a way of triggering her by asking about her work. We said “Assume that’s gonna happen, how do you react?” It took several redirections of her angry ranting about how he is and just asking “But what are YOU gonna do?” It opened her eyes to the fact that she has to take her reactions into her control and I felt like we did a good thing for her. 

Like I just hate to see someone I care about go down the rabbit holes of blaming, shaming, and toxic stress and busyness. So is there anything else I can do?

Tl;dr 
I feel like my SIL is distracting herself from dealing with the stuff that will actually make her feel better. Do I just wait it out or can I do something to help her?