I am completely broken. I have BPD, am on medication, and just started therapy again. I’m also a recovering alcoholic. My boyfriend has known this from the very beginning, and has always assured me that he would be there for me. 

I thought I’ve been doing the best I have (BPD wise) in years. However, my alcohol abuse has been very present in the almost 7 months we’ve been together. I relapsed Saturday and have been in a particularly bad mood since. There was a big miscommunication about us hanging out tonight before he leaves for a work trip tomorrow, and I got upset. This led into a discussion about our relationship in general. He told me there’s too much drama in the relationship, and how I seem like a different person everyday. I fell apart. I asked that he look at the bigger picture, all of the other things I bring to the table, and not just the bad times. I also asked that he research BPD, to maybe explain where I’m coming from. He just responded with a flat ‘okay’. I asked if everything was alright and he told me he didn’t think BPD would be such an issue in our relationship, and that he doesn’t know if it’s something he can deal with. 

I feel blindsided, and like I’ve just been pulverized by a semi. On top of the BPD and alcoholism, I’m a single mom working seven days a week to provide for myself and my daughter. Despite this, I feel like I’m a pretty upbeat and great person. But after this conversation tonight, I feel like the complete opposite. This illness is a part of who I am. If he can’t deal with that, then how could he be with me? I can’t help but to feel as though it’s like telling a person you can’t live with any other chronic illness. 

I love him with all of my heart. I see a future for us together, and I can’t stand the thought of losing him. Has anybody else gone through this with an SO? How did you work through it?