This is long but please give it a read 

Me and my fiance broke up a week ago after 10 years and buying a house together. I had fallen into a bad depression a few years ago hating life. I would come home and play some video games to take my mind off it but as soon as I stopped playing I would just hate myself again. Around this time she was also going through some things with her mom from the past and my depression and just not being "there" emotionally started taking a toll on her. She started therapy to get better and it helped. She told me she wanted to go out more often etc. So we did alot more then before but I kept falling back into my slump. Buying a house made it worse because now I was always worried about money and it just wasn't good. She started feeling like I didn't want to be with her anymore. And after a serious conversation she decided she wanted to leave to find herself. We talked and she came back 4 days later and we decided we loved eachother so we are going to work on things. We went to one couples therapy session but after she came back things were amazing. She said it felt like a whole new relationship. Exciting and interesting and I was getting alot better. It made me realize life was too short not to get out and do things. I was showing her affection like she wanted and paying attention to her and life In general again. She was getting really depressed with her job so she started job hunting and landed a really good job interview. She didn't get it and became alot more depressed. Crying about going to work in the mornings losing interest in anything she wanted to do and became less romantic with me and said she was losing her sex drive. We talked alot and decided to do counseling again to spark her passion back like in a way I got mine back. Therapy was booked but was a month and a half away. She got worse. 2 days before therapy she saw her own therepist and said she got clarity. And that she had to leave so she could focus on herself. That she would never be able to out herself first and begin loving herself if she was in a relationship. So she left 2 days before therapy and said she didn't think it would change how she feels. I feel completely lost. I dont know how to be alone and nothing at all interests me. Nothing before interests me so now I'm even worse. I still love her and am still in love with her and this is killing me. I dont want to continue. I dont want anything else. We had plans to grow old with eachother no matter were we ended up. Never wanted kids so we even had plans to set up a home for us to be together in when we got old. I dont want to continue. I dont want to love anymore. I hated myself before and I can't even stand to look in the mirror anymore.