I can’t deal with it anymore. My mom constantly gaslights me, makes me question my own sanity. Constantly invalidates me. I get attacked every time my voice slightly raises, every time I say things wrong, every time I mention something she did to hurt me, my feelings etc. It’s okay for her to talk to me however she wants because it’s “how she feels and I can’t tell her how to feel”. She’ll say I’m being “controlling” because I ask her to stop yelling at me or being extremely rude to me. Every time I say how the way she’s talking to me is hurting my feelings she’ll jump to calling me controlling and abusive because I’m telling her what she can and can’t do. If I keep trying to say how she’s hurting me she’ll threaten to leave the house, hang up the phone, etc. It’s so horrible because I NEVER feel understood. EVER. Every time this happens with my mom (which is almost everyday, sometimes multiple times a day) I end up not being able to function the rest of the day. I’ll be shaking in a ball in my bed, hurting myself, etc. She takes direct offence if I ever claim she did something wrong or to hurt me. I don’t know what to do. I constantly feel so overwhelmed and hurt and I’m never allowed to talk about it. Or if I do talk about it my mom has to make it clear it’s MY fault and MY problem for feeling that way. Sure, we have control over our own emotions, sure, I’m choosing to be upset, but I’m fucking choosing to be upset cause you’re constantly doing shit that hurts me. Life feels hopeless. I don’t know what to do anymore. Its horrible because when my mom hangs up on me or walks out I feel abandoned. She knows it hurts me. So my only options are to either feel abandoned, or completely invalidated. I’m sure all of you know both hurt just as much.