I've been depressed for a long time. I have social anxiety and that caused most of my depression, but I think it's also a seasonal thing. The weather is getting warmer, it's the start of May, and life is good for me finally. I got a job. I started going to thearpy. I got my drivers permit. My crush talked to me. People are interested in me now. Life feels worth living for the first time in years, but I can't help but to feel guilty. 

I feel like I don't deserve any of this. I still feel like a piece of shit. I feel selfish for enjoying myself and actually looking in the mirror and being okay with what I see. I don't think I should get to feel happy. I used to rely on other people to dictate how my day went, but it's not like that anymore. I found my own happiness and I'm starting to figure out who I am, but there's this little voice that keeps telling me I'm a burden, a problem, just in the way. My existence feels unwanted. People tell me I have a good personality, that I'm not ugly, that I shouldn't feel this way about myself, but I still do. Will it always be like this? The guilt is unbearable sometimes.