You can't show people your true self, When your true self is literally the personification of toxicity. You have to hide it from everyone, I cant tell my FP how fucking much I feel hurt, When they don't reply back to my messages under seconds when they are online, It start's with the feeling of abandonment, After this the paranoid thoughts start kicking in and the feeling that my FP might be talking to someone else instead of replying back to me is so fucking painful, It literally hurts so fucking bad, That at times the emotional pain feels physical, Then I start to split on them and feel resentment and anger for them and pity for my own poor existence "After what I have done for them, How could they do this to me?" and all of this happens because my FP doesn't reply back to me under seconds. My Brain is a mess, It's filled with nothing more then paranoid thoughts and my perception of things is distorted and at times not even based in reality, My emotions are way too strong and most of the times way out of proportion then it should be, None of the things happening inside my body is in any way or form logical or able to be solved just by communicating with my FP. I have never let my FP know that these things happen to me, At times I feel this strong urge to just let it all out and tell them about this but I also don't wanna burden them with this, I don't want them to feel responsible for my overdramatic self nor I want them  to be overwhelmed by my emotions, They are already going through a lot, I don't wanna be one more of their problem and stress them out.