Over the past few years ive drifted away from christianity due to being disillusioned by a few events in my personal life. That and the idea of constantly being judged by someone 24/7 was stressing me out. I didnt understand why a creator would give us free will but also lasso us up using strict rules. I think the could be a god but christianity is not doing it anymore. I was scared i would be severly punished by god for leaving and that i was wrong but im over that for the most part. I mostly skip chruch now and it has been great for my mental health but my parents and grandparents want me to go tommorrow and i dont want to refuse cause then ill have to explain why and they are quite religous. That past few times i have had to go recently i felt like such a fraud and the whole sermon brought up old memories that i rather leave behind. The whole experience stresses me out and by the time I leave im physcially exhausted. How should I cope with going back again tommorrow. What should i think about/do to calm my mind? I cant just say no, especially now. My grandfather passed away a few weeks ago and my grandmother has been never been closer to the church now. It would break her heart to think her grandson would be going to hell right after loosing her husband of 50 years. The whole thing is stressing me out, advice would be nice if you have any.