My husband and I had one of our end of relationship fights that lasted days. Tonight after he told me he doesn't know why hes with me, thinks couples counseling is bullshit for the millionth time, and says he doesn't need to talk to me because it's not law; I broke down. I totally pummeled myself with a showerhead. Was ready to down a bottle of pills. But decided nah. Plus side: he finally admitted his anger problems...but denied the daily degrading behavior he gives us (his family). Usually we're better after it blows up but tonight....I dont think its going to get better. It kills me literally. He doesnt understand how important communication is with me. He uses my mental illness against me to get out of talking and I can't take it anymore. 
I haven't had a self harming meltdown in months. I'm proud of myself for that. I've been using techniques to resist but I couldn't tonight and that's okay in my eyes because I made it so long. 