I am certain that if I was not married, I would not be here.  I would miss my family. Many people would take this and say "That's great, this shows life has purpose". Which I understand. So what that said, I am supposed to live my life for other people?

My wife struggles with depression and anxiety as well and I am proud of all the effort she makes to survive each day. Love isn't a strong enough word for how I feel about my wife. 

Because of her, I cannot follow through with suicide. I cannot end this blouted, tiresome subscription to life. 

Last month, she revealed to me that she is bi-sexual. I am very proud of her for being willing to talk with me about everything. She says that she is not romanticaly involved with anyone and does not want any other relationship adjustments. Of course, I am afraid of what she will desire in the future.

I told her about my concerns. But those concerns don't ease just because we talked them through. I don't want my concerns to have a negative impact on her own journey. 

To me, the entire situation is just another example of life as a whole. On a average or worse day, is life truly worth it for most people? 

In general, I "fake happy" my way through each day. My faith and hope is near non-existent. If God exists, I'm probably burning in hell for a million reasons considering what religious followers preach. .  

Varieties of pills and counseling only go so far and cost me more money, the more I speak. So I have migrated to faking the sessions as well so that I can at least sustain this current life routine and not drop further into the abyss.

Life has less and less substance with additional baggage added regularly. I try to present a positive front when around others but I'm sure many see cracks in the pavement. Life as a whole feels like a deficit, one step forward, 2 steps back. 

I care about what others think and place too much value in relationships that shouldn't matter at work and elsewhere. This has burned me many times.

For anyone in a similar situation, what do you do and what suggestions can you provide? 

Thanks,