I mean, I feel kind of ok I guess, especially since I didn't like her that much anyway, but she seemed interested in me (bc she thought at first everything would work out and stuff, but then later realised it wouldn't) and we even discussed dating. Idk it just kind of hurts bc I thought it could go somewhere, especially since we discussed that but it will never go anywhere now. 

Idk if this could be due to me potentially being mentally ill (I still need to phone a GP and do all that fun stuff bc I tried to pretend that whatever is wrong with me didn't exist for a while, and to just hope that it'd magically get better with age), but I've noticed I'm really bad at accepting this stuff and I become in denial about it. The last time I got rejected, I even convinced myself that this girl still liked me (incredibly obvious she didn't) bc I was deluded (not entirely sure but I liked her so much that I couldn't accept the fact she didn't feel the same way at all, and I was sure she'd eventually come back to me) and in a really bad headspace.

This thankfully isn't happening this time bc the feelings are considerably less intense, but the denial and refusing to accept it is still there which sucks. I hope that in a few weeks I'll be able to accept it more easily. I feel kinda lonely now though and feel like fucking about on a dating app lol, but I highly doubt I'll do that.

In a way, I'm kind of glad I guess as I do want to seek help before I enter into any kind of relationship (although we did discuss entering a relationship after I'd gotten some help), and I now know that the next person who comes along will be at least a year or two away, so I have plenty of time to get better :) I guess that's a positive and it's good to see positive in these things I think