I’m trying so hard… I’m trying so hard to meet people and make friends…

I’m trying so hard to write and draw things… I’ve been creating content and sharing it online for 20 years, and no one at all has ever cared.

I have beliefs that are different from other people’s, so if I just go out to meetups or whatever to try to make friends, I just end up getting beaten up for being different from everyone else. 

So I need to post content online and find people who can understand and support my point of view that way, but it hasn’t happened. (Links are in my profile if anyone cares, also I make a lot of posts about things). 

People always accuse me of not giving enough to other people, but that’s not true, I give so much… I let myself just be their punching bag, because that’s all anyone else has ever let me be. I let them beat me, because I know that if I don’t, people are just going to say “well YOU’RE the one rejecting THEM, you can’t complain.” I always put in too much effort, I forgive too much, I keep trying and going back to them to prove that I tried… and it’s so destructive…

I just wish I could find anyone who wasn’t ignorant and destructive.