I have one question:

I am suspecting that I have some sort of psychosis.
I don't feel like being the same person. It's like living with two people who have two different views over the world.
It is scary. I noticed I don't see or recognise my toxicity or rudeness in the moment at all. I can't see it no matter how much you talk to me and tell me how bad my behaviour is. I just can't see it. AT ALL.

Then like a switch-

Things appear COMPLETELY different. The world looks different. I am different. Like changed. I suddenly become empathetic and understandable. I'm a good person then.

I am getting scared of HOW BLIND I am and how I can't trust myself. The thing is, I can't just tell myself "girl you are wrong you just can't see it!" because I am that deep in that bpd shit that I don't listen to that voice!