Hello, sorry about the throwaway account. But I'm having a weird few days and needed to vent for a bit.

A resume about me: I'm a man in my 20s who just finished uni and has always struggled with anxiety and loneliness. Though that seemed to get better in the past few years, specially the first part.

After lots of decisions, now I'm doing a master on the field I love. I found a group of people who I hang from time to time, I'm back with living with my family and can see the close friend I missed back at uni. Also, just got a call for an amazing job which might come true... and yet, today I had one of the worst anxiety attacks in a long time. 

I had another small one on Saturday, but it wasnt as bad. Just feelings of loneliness which I know it's not true, but my brain keeps pushing. Anyway, I feel awful on a double side. Because I finally see all that hope, I have an amazing week in front of me with No Way Home, Christmas and opportunities. I am doing a diet which has made me lost a lot of weight these past few months, and I'm gonna continue with it.

And yet, today in the middle of class I felt awful. I wanted to just lay down and cry, but without being able to. I had to get up and buy some tea to calm me. And then after class, I hang out with some colleagues but in silence. Seeing them laugh and me just feeling awful, not expressing any emotions. I honestly didn't know what to feel.

All this making me feel even worse with myself, I am already the most insecure person in the world. Always feeling myself as if no one around me wants to be my friend, and I'm afraid me having this strange moments is gonna bring me back to feeling isolated. I've been through a lot mentally, and even though this is not remotely as bad as how I was feeling years ago, I'm still feeling a bit sad inside.

Anyway, yea, today I had a really bad anxiety attack. And I feel terrible about it. I know it's not my fault, but... I just can't feel otherwise... sigh.