A lot has happened over the years, it’s been hard honestly. 
This year (the past 6 months specifically) I’ve been taking advanced classes on psychology and came across a disorder called bpd. Borderline Personality Disorder. 
I really didn’t wanna jump to conclusions at first but I’ve found myself relating to all the symptoms, like almost every fucking one. //antisocial behaviour, compulsive behaviour, hostility, impulsivity, irritability, risk-taking behaviours, self-destructive behaviour, self-harm, social isolation, or lack of restraint, anger, anxiety, general discontent, guilt, loneliness, mood swings, or sadness, depression, distorted self-image, grandiosity, or narcissism, thoughts of suicide// 
I never openly self diagnosed as I knew my parents would gaslight me every time. 
But most of the symptoms were extremes for me. It was weird. I’d have these intense fucking breakdowns where I’d self harm, burn myself, I even pierced my ears six times while hysterically breaking down. I don’t wanna mention a lot of stuff since it’ll get boring. Thing is in the last two weeks it’s been getting severe and I’m on the verge of hanging myself. Sometimes i feel fucking terrible, then it’s nothing just completely empty, then it’s like I feel euphoric like I can do anything in this world and that I’m hot as fuck then later I feel like the ugliest person to ever exist. An hour ago I asked my mom if I could talk to a psychiatrist and she said that I was just being dramatic and acting as if I was the only person on earth who’s traumatised. Then she proceeded to say “where were you when I was pregnant with your sister and in pain, you weren’t there to comfort me”. I was eight fucking years old. No one told me anything, I was already struggling at school with bullying and trying not to fail my classes. We were already desperately struggling financially, it was hard and my parents decided to have another kid. We would literally struggle to pay for a carton of milk and they had a goddamn child. Okay long story short, I feel very guilty about opening up to her and I feel like I’m just maybe being delusional. What do I do?