the way i’ve described it to my therapist/loved ones is that i’m like a roomba - when i’m alone (i.e in the house by myself) im essentially “offline.” i don’t register if i’m hungry or tired and ill sit there for hours staring into space until someone interacts with me. then suddenly all the feelings i haven’t registered go “online,” like a roomba whirring to life and suddenly starting to clean an entire room. 


i’ll go from total nonexistence to being starving, being emotional, remembering to bathe and take care of my general hygiene, etc. it’s as if my whole being needs the presence of others to actually... like, be a person. you could put me on a shelf and i’d waste away unless someone was around to ask if i’d eaten and make me a sandwich or something. 


i’m also this way when it comes to interpersonal conflict - the weird things that trigger me i absolutely will feel slighted by and act on (like my partner disagreeing with me on a harmless video game opinion or something), but bigger things like a person actively harassing me won’t even register until someone points it out. then i’ll suddenly remember “oh yeah i’m supposed to have self worth” and get upset. it’s like the john mulaney sketch where he needs his girlfriend around to realize he’s getting screwed over at the airport. 


am i alone in this? what’s everyone’s experiences w this kind of thing, and what’s worked for you in overcoming it little by little? i’d love to hear the community’s thoughts!