I became very good friends with a married colleague at work and we have since been having an affair. I know this is wrong so please don’t judge me and just try to help as I’m seeking help here.

He’s my FP and my best friend but I can’t handle when he spends time with his family...I have a complete mental breakdown and cause fights. I know this is ridiculous because he’s married and not getting divorced so I shouldn’t have expected otherwise when I got involved with him, but I stupidly had no idea how hard this would hit me.

He is my best friend and is supportive about me meeting someone who can be with me.

If I were a normal person I could just try to meet someone available but I am 37 years old and single, never married, don’t have many friends, have bpd, am overweight, and just feel like no one will ever want me or it would have happened by now. We’re also in a pandemic so it’s hard to even meet anyone in person. What can I do to try not to feel so hopeless and lost with my life? Has anyone else been in a seemingly hopelessly screwed up situation and managed to turn things around?