Might be a vague title but I'll try my best to explain - do you ever feel as if you're not actually struggling with a 'real' illness, and that instead you're just too weak or using it as a crutch? Or moreover, are you afraid that you're doing that without being cognizant of it? 


Guilt is common in BPD I think as we look for any reason to tear ourselves apart sometimes. For example I can be smiling and laughing, yet feel dead on the inside. Or still be being assaulted by by usual retinue of shitty thoughts. But I'll think "FUCK, I'm smiling/acting like I'm happy, how could I say I have this disorder, I'm probably just a normal person who can't take life, I just want attention" 


It's the intangibility of mental illness that makes it such a monster. If you break a leg, you have a concrete reason to stay off of that leg until it heals. To seek treatment without guilt because it's clear to everyone around you that you can't just will your leg back together. There's no shame in it and there's no differential diagnosis. But if you're like me, even if you've been diagnosed, you still have the doubt in the back of your mind. 

Would like to know how many other people struggle with this and what your methods of coping with it are 