I hate how I can't distance myself from people who have hurt me deeply because of fear. What if my perception is skewed and it was all my fault and they did nothing wrong? Did those things even happen? What if I'm blowing this all out of proportion? What if I'm so unlovable that I'll never find other friends? Maybe I deserved what they did since I'm so inferior.. **What if they feel the same excruciating pain I felt when others left me?** But if I stay will they hurt me again? Maybe I deserve the hurt? Do I even have the right to reject them, who do I think I am? Fucking disgusting, thinking of cutting people out instead of feeling lucky that they even tolerated me.. My heart hurts and my brain feels useless. Not able to respect myself enough to stand up for myself. I wish someone gave me a handbook full off instructions of the most morally right thing to do so I wouldn't feel like the worst person alive all the time. Can't even get them to understand that I'm angry and hurt because what if they god forbid feel a bit bad? I keep thinking they'll hurt themselves or feel terrible only to realize that I'm projecting and it's just me.