Closest I’ve been to relapse since my last trauma. I’m so enraged and when it calms it’s replaced with apathy then it swings back to rage. I’ve been dreaming vividly of cutting myself for weeks. Daydreaming of violent omg stabbing or burning so all I can do is lay in bed punching myself or ripping out my hair. I’m not bathing or brushing my teeth. My roomie has bpd and we’re friends and they’re telling me how great I’m doing but they have no fucking clue how close I am to smashing my head into the corner of a table. I am so overwhelmed.