Piggy backing off my recent post on here. I’m incredibly unsure how to deal with my delusions any better than I already do. I have gotten over most of my paranoid delusions with help from my medications and doctors; however, there are certain things that still make me paranoid. In this case, dating. I don’t know what to do about it. I can’t seem to make a romantic relationship last. I fuck it up every time and end up cutting out any partner I attempt to have due to the delusions and paranoia just being too much for either of us to bare. Some of my exes weren’t that good to me so it wasn’t always a huge deal until recently. I have been seeing the same woman for 2 years now, on and off. She lives in another country for school and has been my biggest support. She had helped me through so much. I recently lashed out and ghosted her due to the shame of it all, without an explanation and she hasn’t tried to speak to me since and I’m afraid to say anything to her now because I know I’m not in any better of a place yet. My dreams, my goals, my future aspirations sounded crazy to everyone around me except for her, the only other person I know of that dreams in the same language I do. I just don’t want to hurt her anymore and feel like I can’t help it no matter what I do.