I was just recently diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar with psychosis. I'm not sure how to deal with the stigmas and the disease itself. I made this throwaway account because I need to talk to someone. This is my situation, I've had blackouts in the past where I don't remember everything that happened. Last November (before I knew what was wrong with me, previous diagnosis was anxiety and depression), I believe I had one where I harmed my child. All I remember is slapping her in the face (she's five) and of course children services is now involved. I admitted to it because it is better to be truthful (or so I was told but that another story) but now my child is saying that her daddy spanked her in the privates (not possible, he works thirds and is only around them when I am). She does deflect when she's scared and social services has implied when she's been around that daddy isn't a good one (he smokes weed but again he's never alone with them). I'm now scared that maybe that night I had one of my black outs and did hit her. I'm so scared that children services might find out and I'll never get my girls back. I've never laid a hand on either one. I've always managed to keep myself mostly together around them. Before I knew I had BPD, I was/am known to be a drama queen and extremely emotional so they have seen that on rare occasions. I'm scared to talk to me therapist because she would be required to tell children services ( violent act towards a child). I want to get better and I am working with a therapist too so exactly that. I'm not even sure exactly what my question is. I just need to talk to someone that won't tell. I've told my husband (the girls dad) but I don't think he understands just how scared I feel. Right now I'm binging on apple pie. Eating my feelings, again. I've been reading so much on BPD that I am noticing my behaviors more too. Like how when I get irritated, I become mean and blow up on something stupid. Or how sometimes my reality is slightly different than "real" reality. Anyway, any advice would be great. I'm not even sure what to expect.