This has been a recurring theme in my life since, well, forever. 

There are so many things I would like to try, so many people I want to understand and get to know better, so many places my heart wants to be, but I know I'll just be a burden to others and myself. Maybe not immediately but eventually BPD will take control. 

So, I just keep it to myself, and hide behind a timid, calm persona. I'll continue to work at mechanical and computational engineering labs, where human contact is minimal but all I want to do is establish a career for myself in the arts. 

I want to make comics, produce games, paint to my heart's content, fall in love, have a family... I'm still in my 20s but I feel so lost. My friends are growing but my persona and I, we're static. Never changing. 

Sorry for the rant. Coming to terms that I have BPD has been both cruel and relieving.