I dated a guy for 10 years. He was extremely calm. Not defensive. Had a structured family and this gave me structure as well. I felt safe. I was not aware of BPD back them and i definitely had some bpd relate behaviours. But overall i was extremely stable.

Then i dated a guy for two years who is avoidant. That was hard but still manageable. We broke up because he couldn't commit. And when this happened i completely lost it.

Then i had the most horrible 10 weeks relationship with a depressed guy who had a terrible childhood. besides depression he has anxiety and cptsd. Omg. He triggered the worst out of me . He asked 10 thousand questions about my trauma. He analyzed my feelings. He wanted to fix me. to make me good. To do couple therapy!! He wanted to be with me 100% of the time. He said he wanted to kill himself during a fight.  Once he was breaking up with me and said in a threatening voice that he would not suffer, but that i would.

After we broke, i felt sorry for him. I could just switch off because I went back to an ex for comfort ( i was that desperate). I tried to help him,but the guy just wanted to punish me. He wanted me to suffer for what I did (going back to the ex).

Fast forward to today. I got a puppy. Stopped contact to all exes. Don't interact with other guys for male attention. Focused on my friends and now I'm dating the most amazing guy for 4 months.

He is emotionally mature. Stable family and like the guy i was 10 years with, he gives me peace. We don't argue. We see each other 3 times per week so i have my space and he also. He is not afraid of commitment. It's a bliss.

However i worry because I feel I need other people to stabilize me. Anyone also also feels like this? I feel i can't be really single and the humor of my partner is reflected on me