When I experience high levels of distress, usually when someone hurts me, or if someone’s being mean (name calling, comparing me to my past) I instantly get into this panic when I want to die. I start hitting myself, usually in the head. In the moment I instantly have thoughts of killing myself, thoughts that I want to make myself brain dead, like I hit my head so hard it’ll hurt and be swollen for days. I don’t know how to stop, and I’m wondering if someone else has gone through this because in the moment I genuinely don’t want to be here, and when I’m not like that I’m thinking of every-way I could die. I’m severely depressed, I try to hold my feelings in so most people don’t know I’m struggling but I feel like not many people notice, and I am scared of myself because it’s just getting worse. 

I used to get instant rage, 0-100 &amp; now it’s like instant sadness/suicidal behaviour. 

How do I cope with this because I’m scared one of these days I’m going to take it too far.