Idk if it would be triggering on here but just in case...
TW: Self-Harm, suicidal ideation

Summary on bottom of you don't want to read everything.

I've been struggling with depression since I was little, but I stopped SH like maybe 8 years ago? I mainly stopped because it was getting too hard to hide and I kinda started getting a little better at finding ways to cope. I started talking to therapists about my depression/ working on mental health over 4 years ago, but I was kind of half a** about it because I wasn't really working on stuff besides just going to therapy, and I never built like a good relationship with any of the therapists I talked to. Partly because I just wasn't open and partly because the appointments were like months apart. 

Recently though I've done a lot of reflecting and I'm taking working on my mental health a lot more seriously, because it's impacted a lot of areas in my life and I want to be better. I started seeing a new therapist biweekly, and told her specifically how I wanted to work on myself and I was very open about most of my trauma. I was wondering if anybody has told their therapists about their SH? and if I should? I kind of would like to vent but I don't want that to be their main concern.

I've also really struggled with suicidal ideation, or like passive suicidal thoughts, and I was wondering if you can talk to your therapist about that, or if they'll report you? It kind of sounds fucked up, but I wouldn't do it myself because I'm worried about the judgement (sounds stupid I know) and I just wouldn't be able to. I do find myself thinking ALOT like if I'm in the passenger of a car, to get into a car crash and everybody be okay, but for the crash to kill me. Or things similar to that, where it is just an accident. Or in general I just kind of think like 'dang I wish I were dead rn to stop feeling this dread'. 

BASICALLY: I would like to talk about old SH (stopped 8ish years ago) and PASSIVE suicidal thoughts with a therapist to work on ways to change this, but again I'm worried about getting reported or something. Has anybody talked with their therapists about these things? How did it go?