havent had a friend in years. fear vulnerability. too afraid of making a friend incase i do something wrong. feel like i'm unworthy of friendship. 

chronically dissociating. can't self validate and need constant admiration. emotionally numb or flooded with emotions, no middle ground. trouble with identifying emotions. burnout syndrome, can't stay consistent. 

when bf acts distant or doesn't text me as often i become scared. sometimes i think i try to hard and scare ppl. i simply dont know how to human.

self esteem osciliates from overconfidence to feeling threatened and worthless. deleted social media because constant comparisions were ruining and running my life, seeing people modelling and yachts were i barely have social interaction or pay rent. 

i'm counter dependent and then codependent. 

