I can't fight anymore

I've been suffering from depression since I was 10. Ptsd, anorexia, and all the other things followed, ive been raped, ive been abused, ive been through it all. I managed to get myself out of my hole and complete college and now I'm in uni. 

I moved to a new city and didn't make any friends 1st semester, I made friends and they abandoned me. I met a really sweet guy who's got struggles of his own, and it all went upwards. I fell in love. He was so kind to me. 

I went out of town for 2 months and his communication slowly got less consistent due to his own mental health. I felt neglected and alone, especially with my health going downhill w my ed and my family telling me im gonna die. Yesterday I couldn't take it anymore. I texted him saying that I loved him but his lack of communication made me feel neglected and that i wanted to fix that. He said that we could fix it and I felt better. 

But then he called me. He said he wanted a break. And I couldn't breathe. It was like all the energy had been sucked out of my body. It's silly, but he was one of the reasons I kept fighting, the idea of seeing him again and being held by him and now it's all gone and I don't know if he'll ever come back. I sometimes think I'll be ok but then the tears come and I can't stop. 

I've been abandoned again and again and again and I feel so stupid for thinking that this would work and that I could be loved and everyone tells me I deserve love and I know I do but it never works out. I don't have any strength left in me to fight my demons. I've tried again and again to fight, gone to treatment and they always just come back. 

My whole word is falling apart, I have no friends at school or in my new city. I just need some sort of sign that everything will be okay but I'm scared that I will never see it. This confirms my belief that everyone will leave if I open up to them. Who is going to love me now with all my problems ?