Hi I’m 17m. This is somewhat of a rant/Advice Needed post. I have been struggling with serve depression for about 4 years for many different reasons. I’ve always have had anxiety as well and believe I might have some OCD and occasionally struggle with bad paranoia. Around two months ago I developed an anxiety disorder to where I couldn’t do anything without extreme anxiety. I’ve been on Prozac now for like under 2 weeks after being very hesitant to take medication and even refused to a couple years ago but it got to the point i had to. It’s defiantly helped it to where it’s not completely unbearable constantly and I know it still has to take full effect, but that’s not even what this post is necessarily about. I dropped out of school last summer because of a complicated situation but basically I relocated back somewhere and refused to go to the school there so I dropped out, that was where my mother was and I currently live with my older sister. I have no dreams or goals or true passions in life. I do nothing all day and have no job or license and practically no friends, I have a few “friends” about an hour away but I’m talking to them less and don’t feel I can relate to them or most people in general at all anymore. I just wish I could enjoy living, I would be lying if I said I have zero positive emotion because I sometimes enjoy playing games online with people but that doesn’t always work and I usually eventually feel empty. I also feel like I might be irreversible messed up body and brain, because I feel I have undiagnosed heart problems, I also have a pretty bad diet and anxiety disorder gives me bad heart anxiety symptoms. And maybe some type of slight Schizophrenia deep in my brain because night terror type experiences that happened to me when I was younger where I had an indescribable fear and it felt like part of reality changed and I believed it and it was mostly fear involved, it wasn’t always at night but usually, I still sometimes get a similar feeling I would get then but rarely. I’ve been able to live mostly life normally though so those are likely wrong but everyone and awhile something happens that make them seem 100% true. I also struggle very badly with masturbation and pornography addiction and tired to stop many times before and just don’t care anymore usually so I do it anyways. Most of the time I find myself not caring about life and wishing I would’ve took my own life when depression was at its worse and before anxiety made me scared to do so. I know I made this to long and likely won’t get many responses if any but I just need advice maybe. I feel I’m too far gone to ever be happy. And why would I want to live if this is my experience, I’ve only said a fraction of my issues in this post. I’m so fucked.