I fought with my partner basically all day over something small that I blew up for no good reason at all. He said he doesn't want to leave me and that he wants me to tell him what I need from him, but I don't think he understands. I don't mean to be so destructive to our relationship and I don't mean to hurt him, but I don't know how to control it or even explain it to him.

When I start to become irrational and when I start to raise problems and say the things I shouldn't, I really just need him to call me out on it, tell me that he's there for me, and just give me a hug. I need to feel like he isn't trying to fight with me because that's how it feels to me in the moment, like he's just trying to hurt me when he really isn't. My brain just makes me feel like he hates me and wants to hurt me, when I'm the one projecting those feelings onto him.

After fighting in the car for hours tonight, I finally said that I want to go back in the house. I asked him to just come and cuddle with me because I felt isolated and like he didn't love me, and he said no. I didn't want to cry in front of him so I hid in the bathroom until he coaxed me out. When I finally got him to just give me the physical contact I desperately needed, he told me he didnt want to be around me, and he said he wanted to leave. So I told him to leave because I felt so guilty that I was making him feel like that.

I feel abandoned but its my own fault. I want to ask him to just come home because I'm scared that I might hurt myself, but I don't want him to come back just because he feels like he has to take care of me. I feel like an ass hole and a burden and I just don't know what to do.