For about half a year now I’ve had a friend that I’ve grown quite close with. He’s very considerate, sweet and we get along so well. 
I love spending time with him and we call every day, it’s a very healthy friendship. We both gush to each other about our respective significant others, we have inside jokes, all that.

I’ve had many unhealthy friendships I’ve had to cut off the past year and half now, and he’s the one friend I’ve had that I feel like I can be 100% myself around. He knows things about me that no one else but my partner know. He validated my feelings and there’s absolutely no sense of sexual/romantic tension. At all. 

Yet..lately I’ve been unstable to say the least. I get jealous a lot. I feel gross and obsessive over this person. It’s a disgusting feeling. 
I can’t tell if I’m subconsciously trying to sabotage this healthy connection I have with a genuine, sweet person or what. 

I’ve just been hating myself. :( I’m struggling, a lot. Part of me wants to just pick a fight with him and scream at him and say all this shit. The other part just wants to cling to this friend and spend all day talking with him. 
I hate that my brain is like this.