I'm seventeen and I'm just not as grown or independent as I feel I should be. I don't go out on my own. I don't have a job. It's really hard for me to do simple social things. I have to ask someone else to order food for me because I'm too nervous to do it myself, same with checking into places for appointments. I felt pretty good a couple of days ago because for the first time in my life I managed to check myself into a dentist appointment but at the same time it reminded me of how small the things that I achieve are.

Why do I have to act like a shy child in an adults body? Why can't I just be seventeen on the outside to? It doesn't help that my moms a gas lighter that loves to remind me about my weaknesses whenever I try to stand up to her.

I want to have a job and be confident, but I'm just trapped at the moment and don't feel like I can get any help until I turn eighteen so that I can get therapy without my moms permission but trying to get help while trying to take care of myself while being like this is going to be a lot of unavoidable clashing mess that I'm not looking forward to.