Hi y’all... I know this is probably a question best asked to a therapist, but its 12:42AM and I dont have a therapist rn lol.

I have gotten increasingly bad anxiety as ive aged (25 now), it started in HS and started to spiral after college. My dad had anger issues and it’s caused me to freak out over anything resembling anger, frustration, or disapproval towards me... this has led to... very avoidant behavior. 

Things got worse when I started interning and I got fired like right away (it was fine, I got another internship, but it destroyed me physically and mentally—I still have hard days thinking about it years after), and my parents compounded the whole situation several times by pressuring me to either find a job or go back to school ASAP.

So I chose to go to grad school. But I’m only here to avoid reliving traumatic experiences about work and anger and disappointment. I dont care about the program. And its draining me, bad—I want to leave. Find some stability and spare time.

Ive become more aware of this recently, but applying for jobs is... well i havent started. The generic concept of working makes my stomach knot, and seeing all the intense experience and portfolio requirements and expectations is making me sick. Its literally crippling. 

I dont really even have any experience, and despite all the things ive worked on, i feel like ive gotten nothing to put in a portfolio either. The past few months ive tried to... move forward, work on a portfolio piece or look at jobs, but all ive done is felt sick and clenched my jaw and coped with unhealthy habits.

How do I move beyond this? Are there anxiety-friendly jobs out there? Career resources for the mentally-ill?

If you made it this far, thank you so much for taking the time and for any advice offered.