I push away every single person that gets near me. I push over people. I am a shit person. An abuser. I ignore people. I cannot even listen properly. I hate myself so much I feel if people love me they are going to just going to use me to their benefit and leave me. I push away people that love me, and knowing that I am the problem I push them away with hostility. I have finally made a plan to purchase a gun when I go back to the city and kill myself. Because I will never be better. No amount of therapy will make me better. I just feel like any progress made is fake. I just fake everything to seem normal to people. I just need to put it down in text and get it out of my head and just put it somewhere. I am tired of feeling so toxic to people. I am truely a bad person in society terms. No, I do not want anyone's help anymore. I just want to be at peace and cause no more suffering to myself and others around me. Don't bother responding, I turned off replies to my inbox.