Lost my wife and kid to a homicide. Lost my daughter 4 days ago. My mom passed today.

NSFW/trigger warning. 

Disclaimer: I’m drunk so excuse myerrors

Just wanted a place to relase my emotions. As a man I don’t feel masculint venting to someone else. Who else could I possible talk to?

I just wanted to say that My wife was the best fucking thing that’s ever fucking happened to me. In a million lifetimes 8 will never meet someone as genuine and loving as her. 
We met in grade 2. During my class introduction, I will never forget how she proclaimed that she was my girlfriend and I just went with it as it was the first female interaction that I’ve ever had (around my age). I developed my first crush on her when I was in grade 5. My first crush evolved into my first kiss in grade 6 and these lost our virginity to each othe  in grade 10. She was my first everything. 

(One thing that I should mention is that she is Muslim and I have an east Indian background. For thosedon’t know , indians and Muslim’s have some bullshit rift /hate towards each other. So you can see where I’m heading as we’re both offspring of first gen immigrants).

We both graduated, got married , and had our only child, my sweet sweet daughter. She had a smile and laugh that brightened up the world and she has me wrapped around her pinky. She did come at an unexpected time as my wife and I were still in school but thankfully in our last year of our degrees.  
Now through all of this, my wife has endured emotional abuse every single day that we’ve been togethercourtesy of her parents. My parents were pissed but eventually came around to the idea of me being in love with a Muslim woman but her parents were never on board. Even threatened to get her an arranged marriage whil we were married with a kid?????

Long story short, I tried my best e although seeing the signs of my wife’s depression to keep her in the best mood or just be there for her you know? It worked for years but she eventually gave in as took her life on July 9th this year. I was working out of town so it was my 13 year old daughter who had found her and had too take her mother down from that noose and call 911 and me.  I can’t evenbegin to imagine th pain that my princess had to endure seeing her mother like that..

We mourned together and grew closer than ever. I will never forget how close we grew, we talked about everything including boys and period questions where we’d Google together and try to figure out haha. I was now the mom and dad in her life and if I had to paint my nails to then fuck it because I’m going to make sure that my daughter has everything she could possibly need. I will give her so much love to cover both parental roles.  And working 12-16 hour weekdays made it difficult to do so but hey I tried my ducking best and used every free minute of time to focus on my baby girl. 

4 days ago, she lost her life to a drunk driver that hit her on the way home from her soccer pectice. Her friend and her friends mother survived which I’m thankful fornbut am I a fucking asshole for wishing it wasn’t her? I don’t wish I’ll will or injuries on others but my drunk thoughts keep saying why couldn’t it have been someone else ? I wish it was me in that damn car dead instead. 

I thought of killing myself when my wife died but stuck around for my child. Then I thoughtvabout it and even almost atrempted it after the loss of my daughter.  

Today I lost my mother, the last light of my life. She went peacefully of old age and that’s the silver lining but stilLanother tremendous loss to me. I just feel numb. So fucking numb I can’t feel anything anymore and don’t know if I will ever feel anything again. 

 I don’t know how much more I can endure and taking my of taking my life tonight after I watch all of our family videos and go through all of our photos is very plausible. I want to stay strong but I don’t know how continue.