Hey y’all, I recently realized I am most likely suffering from schizophrenia. I have been feeling really lonely and alienated lately so I thought I would join the community. I can remember my symptoms beginning around 12 or 13. I believed God was speaking to my through my dreams, and that I had a special purpose. Those delusions were never too scary. On the other hand, I also felt God could read my mind and that he and demons were punishing me with illness and delusions for not behaving right. I would constantly search the Bible and music lyrics, books, my journals, scry cards I find on the ground outside and try to formulate the special meaning in order to solve the puzzle. In high school I would constantly confess bizarre things to all my teachers to please God. I started astral pRojecting and trying to meet spirits and find healers. I experience some auditory “inner voice” hallucinations, smell and taste ones, sensory/bodily ones, and some visual ones. Fast forward to now- these delusions have evolved with me through my life, but this year was especially psychotic and tough. I isolated myself from all of my friends, moved out of state, and was “cancelled” in my friend group for sending bizarre and mean messages to my ex roommate during a psychotic episode. I have received many diagnoses throughout my life, bipolar and personality disorder NOS, CPTSD, most recently autism, but hm I suppose I realized lately on some fundamental level I can no longer survive my psychosis, I need it to be a symptom rather than truth. I’m proud of myself for feeling ready to address it. I have had horrible experiences with doctors, and psychologists. I have tried many medications and all exacerbate my symptoms. I briefly took ketamine for suicidal depression, but failed to understand how psychotic I actually am. It healed some of my depression but worsened my psychosis. In order to manage my symptoms I am currently taking a break from work and school and trying to curb my caffeine consumption, weed use, sugar consumption etc. meat all my nutritional/mineral/vitamin needs. it doesn’t make my symptoms go away but helps me manage. Anyways long rant over just grateful to finally feel like I have a little community.

Savannah