I (F25) have struggled with depression on and off most of my life. It comes in waves sometimes big sometimes small sometimes long lasting sometimes short. Right now I’m feeling so stressed waiting to hear back from college about acceptance/rejection and the letter is late it is just driving me crazy because it’s in the way of me making decisions for the rest of the year (jobs etc) 

I have an incredible boyfriend who is so patient and understanding with me and my mental Illness he also has problems of his own so it’s nice to have someone to relate to and vent to but I feel like he’s my only source. My best friend is in a very toxic relationship so she’s hard to be able to get support from. I’ve reached out to other friends with no feedback, probably because everyone in this mf country my age is also in the same boat as me. 

I recently left a VERY toxic job that was weighing badly on me. I am relieved to be out of the bad environment but I made good money there and I’m starting to fall behind now. I’m scared this toxic work place damaged me, I’m scared to make new friends or trust new people now. (I do have another part time job that’s getting me by)

Yesterday was my dads death-iversary, he killed himself 5 years ago. No letter, nothing. I think about that shit every day. It weighs on me everyday. Not one person texted me about him yesterday. 

My little sisters resent me from me being mean to them when we were little but they don’t understand I was a kid too and I did so much work in raising them when I should have just been able to be a kid and do kid things and have kid problems, not having to baby sit every night or change my youngest siblings diapers etc play mom for my young mom who just wanted to go out and have fun and not be a god damned parent to any of us. 

I moved out of my home super young, I’ve been feeing for my self for so long. I am so. Fucking. Tired. 

The daily chaos in my country (US) has been weighing on me. So exhausted hearing about what’s gotten shot up today. Terrified me or a loved one will be next. 

I’m so tired of being strong. I want someone to take care of me. To help me. I’m falling apart. 

I’ve been in this hole for at least 3 months. I feel like nobody likes me or wants to be around me. I notice every single text that doesn’t get replied to. I notice every time my family does something and leaves me out. I notice every time I say something in a room of people and someone hears and doesn’t acknowledge. My mind won’t stop racing. My anxiety peaks at night when I’m trying to go to sleep and I just tremor and can’t breath and it’s just miserable. 

I am kind and selfless. Maybe a little more easily agitated now than before but god damn I’m trying 


I signed up for “lemonaid” tele health and have a phone consult tomorrow, I’ve really been trying to avoid medicine but I’m pretty desperate right now. 

Idk if I’m just needing to vent or need a friend, some kind works advice idk anything helps. Sorry this post is a mess, I am a mess