Hey, so my brother was diagnosed with BPD a couple months ago and I am trying to adjust to interacting with him with that knowledge. I have not gotten far into reading about BPD, although I am making an effort when I have time.

Right now he is refusing to speak to me because of an incident that occurred over a month ago. It was his birthday and I asked if I could take him to dinner. On the way, we were talking politics. Both of us are on a similar page in that regard, but he started voicing some extreme and violent opinions, so I tried to gently disagree with him. He got quite heated, but I figured he might calm down over dinner. He went in, used the restroom, emerged and told me I needed to take him home immediately and that he no longer wanted to eat. I said ok, then as we're silently walking to my car, he starts screaming profanities and throws his cell phone on the ground really hard, shattering it. I told him I didn't feel comfortable getting into a car with him at the moment, but that we could leave in a few minutes when he calmed down. 

He took off, calling me from a department store's phone 20 minutes later and demanding I drive there immediately, pick him up, take him home. I drove there, couldn't find him, asked staff if they had seen someone of his description, they said no. Later I get a call from my mom telling me my brother had walked into a nearby grocery store, grabbed a knife off the shelf, slashed up his arms, and was taken to a hospital via ambulance. He blames me for the incident.

After more than a month of silence, I took my brother's counselor up on the offer to give him a call. He says I need to apologize for abandoning him, even though he understands that is not the case. As someone new to BPD, that sounds counter-productive to me, because it seems like it would set a precedent for me needing to habitually apologize for future incidents like this. I'm curious as to this community's thoughts. Totally fine with apologizing if that's what needs to happen to re-establish a relationship.

TL;DR My brother's counselor is telling me to apologize for a violent self-harm incident that both the counselor and I know is one in which I wasn't at fault. I'm wondering if this community thinks it is wise to apologize.