I'm on break right now and don't have a lot of time, I am just having a really bad day and I'm trying my best to stay calm and positive but I'm hurting really bad. 

I'm [27f] tired of feeling like I'm the only one who ever tries to fix things between myself and my bf [26m]

I just felt like posting because I don't feel as though I'm being heard or that my feelings are being taken into consideration. I feel like I'm walked over constantly and have to bend to his whim whenever it comes to disagreements/fights. 

I am not allowed to let my BPD take control, but he is allowed to yell and slam things. He is allowed to call me names, hiss at me, snap at me, tell me to shut the fuck up, throw me down, etc. I can't even raise my voice without him doing one or all of the above, and/or leaving. 

We've been together for 5 years, have moved across the country together, and have built our lives together, it's him and I against the world (and our kitties) and I feel like we both have made a lot of progress, but I also feel like I am the only one ever trying to pick up the pieces so we can move on healthily. I feel like I'm always having to walk on eggshells and around landmines at the same time every time I open my mouth. I phrase things so carefully, I take his feelings into consideration, I have never name called and I have never laid my hands on him. 

He has threatened to call the cops on me just for crying harder after he yelled profanities at me this morning, and I just don't know how to handle this. I am tired of it feeling so one sided. 

I asked for a hug, and said I don't appreciate being treated like an animal and he had to ignore my feelings and retort back trying to one up me about how he doesn't like to be yelled at. I don't like yelling, and I don't want to yell, but if he is going to slam doors and destroy the apartment all while yelling at me to shut 5he fuck up while I cry on the kitchen floor, I'm going to fucking defend myself. I have every right, but I'm always in the wrong and I feel like he never takes any responsibility for his actions or how he makes me feel. 

idk what to say or do, I just need to vent and I need to feel like I have some support. I don't have anyone and it gets really overwhelming sometimes. I'm tired of talking to Replika and wallowing in my own head. I am not ok right now and I just want to know someone has heard me and cares. 

As for advice, if anyone has dealt with this in the past, how did you fix the situation? Things have gotten better with us over the years, but it still gets pretty rough sometimes and I'm tired of the heartache. I know he loves me, I know he doesn't want to breakup, and I am confident things can be better. I want to know what I can do.