BPD, BDSM, and Dating-I am SO confused!

Hey all. So I haven’t been officially diagnosed with BPD and not seeking out a diagnosis but had a recent breakup that sent me into a suicidal spiral and pretty sure there’s BPD exacerbation. 

I’m 27. So when I was younger for about 2-3 years I put myself in a lot of risky situations my getting involved with bdsm. I know that in itself isn’t problematic but I’d only seek it out in a really impulsive way when I was pretty upset. I think other than that I’m largely asexual (ie when I’m not upset and feeling stable). I get pretty repulsed by sex. I was in a fairly stable but super vanilla relationship for 3 years and had no sex drive but would do it for the emotional component with my ex. 

I’m single now and been having a depressive episode and got back on the apps which triggered my impulses to be like oh a great thing to do is find someone who I can do xyz with. 

My true goal is another stable relationship but I feel like my impulse for kinky sex is overshadowing my true considerations for a partner. 

Don’t know how to bring this up with my t or if I should write it off as normal exploration after a breakup?