Barely talked to females all the way up till 20 going into 21, met my now ex and had a very toxic relationship going for 5 years. We are friends now, and have been for a year. she dated someone else for a year and half after our breakup. Meanwhile, I worked on myself and wasn’t mentally able to get over her. I had a couple one nighters, but never was able to find a similar connection with anyone. 

When she hit me back up after those two years apart I let her back in too easily. I have been almost nonstop hanging out with her since last may. I’ll be honest I never got over her, I didn’t understand the hate and always felt she would come back, anyway since her being back I realize she isn’t the one for me. I love her and care for her being but I see her true personality and it has been making me feel delusional?

When we dated, I would do my best not to look at other women. I could tell she was insecure even though I had no past of my own. Now I’m 26 and I am completely lost within myself. I can’t tell if girls think I’m attractive or are trying to use me. I feel like I don’t know anyone that I have made friends with in the past. 

I also realize even tho I am “successful” at 26 to be where I am, I could achieve way more. Especially since I realize the time and energy I spent thinking and obsessing over her. 

I went to a small private school being raised a different religion. No one made much effort being friends with me, and the only friend I have from then I share nothing in common with. But our friendship is like blood honestly. But even him I realize is very lost. I see everyone around me being lost. 

I also was a non attentive student. Never implied myself in anything. Barely graduated yet when senior picture book was being established my class voted me most likely to succeed. My anxiety just waived it off thinking they were joking and making fun of me. We were A class of 15 ppl our senior year. Most knew me from 5th grade. I didn’t attend parties or drink smoke etc, I always felt judged and whatnot.