I don't know how else to describe it. It just feels like the world is painted in black and white. I try so so hard to keep myself relatively okay. I go to work, practice hobbies, read, listen to music, everything. But it's all become so painfully banal. I feel like I'm just biding time through the day so I can go to sleep, just to repeat the same infernal cycle. Every fucking day. I'm so tired of clinging on to whatever brings at least some semblance of contentment or can provide some safety from the constant buzzing in my head.

The only thing I think I really look forward to anymore is getting high, but these days, even that is disappointing. 

I really hope my theory of death is correct. I'll just fall asleep. I'll disperse and add into the universe's entropy. It would be so peaceful. Just sleep and not have to worry about waking up again to futilely run the same cycle over and over again.

I can't do this anymore.