I (18 f) got diagnosed with bipolar at the beginning of this year. I was dealing with a lot of different stuff and doing lots of drugs. Around June I went off my meds (I was on latuda) and I don't really know why. I felt a lot of shame for going on meds especially with the shit I got from my parents for it. My memory is terrible, I feel like I'm just floating through the days I don't have the energy to anything. I'm failing my college classes and lying to everyone about it.

I know that's probably the depression bit but I don't even feel depressed most of the time I don't feel anything so who am I to say I'm feeling depressed? Who am I to go back to the doctor and start the process all over again when I'm probably just going to go off of them again. I feel terribly ungrateful and guilty, I feel like I'm taking resources away from people who really need it. 

I just don't know what to do. half of the time I'm convincing myself I'm not mentally ill and I'm actually just doing it for attention. even if I were to go back to the doctor I don't even think I would be able to give an accurate representation of my symptoms, I feel like I always over exaggerate them and that's how I got diagnosed in the first place. 

anyways I think half of this post is just me trying to convince myself I am actually mentally ill. I wany to talk to my bf about it but he has his own stuff and I don't want to bother him with my self pity party so I'm just bothering you guys about it lol.