This is my first post. I am not a great writer or speller so I am sure this will be riddled with errors. If I commit any reddit faux pas, just yell at me and I will apologize lol.

So I have had anxiety attacks since I was about 4 years old. I would often burst into tears and was unable to explain my emotions. It wasn't until I was older that I realized what was really happening to me my whole life. 

I thought I had a pretty good handle on things. But I was told by my neurologist that I needed to go to Trauma therapy. Not too long after, I started having real physical issues. I mention this because maybe talking about things was too much?

This was a little over a year ago and I started feeling like my heart was beating "weird". It feels like it is slowing down but beating hard at the same time. Like it's skipping beats but then over compensating with the few beats it can muster. I was concerned but just thought "hmm, maybe I should go see a doctor." But the exact same day I had decided "I'll make an appointment tomorrow" it happened; I swore my heart was just stopping and I started to pass out. I couldn't feel my legs or feet and I was terrified. I knew, I just KNEW I was having a heart attack. I told my boyfriend he had to take me to the hospital. The whole way there my legs were shaking completely beyond my control.

When we got there I couldn't keep it together when I got to the front desk I just started sobbing "I'm having a heart attack!" It was so scary because all these people started running toward me. I was stuck into a wheelchair and rushed down a hall. They strapped me to all these wires and this really kind nurse told me "You have to calm down. You're having a panic attack. Not a heart attack. You have to breathe and calm down." My beats per minute were something like 148. 

I had NO idea how much worse panic attacks are. I have had a couple more since then but honestly, my heart still feels like this ALL the time. It feels that it is never beating consistently and I am in constant fear that they were wrong at the hospital; that I have a heart condition and these were never panic attacks. It doesn't help that my local hospital is NOTORIOUSLY awful. 

So I guess my question is this; has anyone else experienced this? I am afraid to even take my medication because "what if it makes me have a heart attack?" I'm so tired of being afraid to die all the time. It's ruining my mental health and I have no happiness.