When I'm triggered I find myself pleading with my FP (with Social Anxiety) to tell me that she's had it with me and that I should just fuck off. This happens on several occasions but she's still around. This confuses me because I'm giving her permission to leave because my petulance is not something she deserves as she's dealing with her own anxiety. 

Problem is, I lose my mind when she doesn't give me the attention I desperately crave. She will ignore, scold me or just disconnect from the situation which makes it worse for the both of us. She pointed out to me that my mood swings have become a weekly. 

This on its own kills me inside because it shows me how little control I have over my emotions. It feels I'm trying to resist a devastating tornado whilst unknowingly being the tornado itself at the same time.