I am going through a bipolar assessment and talking meds with my shrink when I speak to him next, but there’s nothing like a consensus view to get a different take on things! So there is a behaviour that I experience for which I am seeking some validation on whether others feel it too:

Anger blackouts. I can utterly and disastrously mess up interactions with those closest to me and I’m told that the things I say at these times are utterly vile. However, I don’t remember any of it, within seconds of it happening. I feel like I’m uptight and edgy, so aware that something’s not right, but there isn’t the slightest recollection of what I’ve done.

I’ve always ‘lost my shit’ in ways that seemed utterly reasonable to me but I can now see were anything but reasonable, but over the past two years, the blackouts have started. Does anyone recognise this?

I’ve scorched two marriages, destroyed other personal relationships and lost a lot of friends, so that life is pretty lonely these days and I’m scared to try to build something back up if all I’m going to do is set it alight again. I was diagnosed with ADHD 12 months ago too and that was hard enough to accept. This now feels huge!

Any comment or experience anyone can share would be very much appreciated. 

Thanks for reading.