- Actually forming connections with people for the first time, even with those closest to me. Mainly because of gaining the ability to just speak about my experiences, opinions, everything. (having the interest and the lessened inhibition to do so)

- Lessened inhibition meant that being myself finally felt effortless. Not something that took immense courage and willpower (like I always knew I was meant to live. Because of moments of relief felt due to alcohol or really good mood)

- Having interest and desire and vigor

- Having ambition and courage(not for extraordinary feats, but just for doing everyday normal things like driving or calling someone). So this meant that I didn't have to eternally rely on willpower and fight with inertia/resistance on every turn.

- Having confidence, or rather losing the low-confidence feeling associated with everything.

- Not self concious anymore, just present. My self-talk changed from scrutiny and examination to helpful discourse on how to go about doing things.

- No physical symptom every hour (mainly increased body heat)

- Not overthinking, and fast forgiving of own's own and others' mistakes.

My mind is finally on my side, mainly by stepping out of my way.

I have always been a person who tries to stay optimistic. But it got to the point where suicide seemed like the only logical solution. So I decided to seek help, because up until that point, I had been trying to treat myself. Now the docs prescribed me prozac (20mg) + valium(5mg) daily and I've been taking as prescribed for a week. (I know the relief I'm feeling is primarily (only) due to the valium).

I had no idea just how much fear had been clouding my thinking. 

Fear is truly the mind killer.

But I know benzos are dangerous and not a long term solution. I'll soon be back to the way I was. But just experiencing what 'normal' feels like has been wonderful.