I've had depression for at least five years now. I'm a high school student and I was diagnosed with mild bipolar disorder less than a year ago after some of my symptoms began to worsen. I've been on and off medication for a lot of this time. Though medication does help, I've had a lot of bad habits lately. Please, someone help me.
I've been lying a lot. I've been going to school late, leaving early. I'm just watching my grades job, along with my chances of getting into a good school. I've been telling my parents that I'm taking my medication but I'm not. I don't tell anyone things. I haven't been to therapy in months because she recomended I didn't need it and we could go to an on-call basis. I don't tell my friends, teachers, or dad anything. I'm always paranoid. I convinced myself someone was following me home the other night. I'm uneasy when I'm alone, and irritable when I'm with people. When I'm driving I think about driving off the road or into other cars. Sometimes I convince myself that nothing is real, and I adopt that solipsistic attitude and become very apathetic. I've been told in the past that my empathy is one of my best qualities. I don't know what to do. It feels like just taking my medication and telling my dad I'm hurting could be so simple but I feel stupid and guilty and I can't force myself to do it. It's like I want this. Someone please help.