I feel like I’m so disposable to the people around me. The man that was my very best friend in the world blocked me and ignored me in public bc he got back with his ex. My BD who I’m currently pregnant by refuses to stop talking to the woman he was with while we were separated. 

My friendship with my best friend obviously didn’t mean much if it was so easy to block me and cut off all communication. This man knew everything about me and I knew everything about him and I was never judged he always showed me love and grace and acceptance. He goes out of his way to change directions if he sees that we’re walking towards each other at work. I just miss my friend. He promised me no matter what happened he’d never not be my friend. 

10 years in a relationship with my BD isn’t anything compared to the 3 month fling he had with this woman bc even though I’m pregnant with our second and trying to make our family whole again he has to have constant communication with her. He said he had no way of contacting her even if he wanted to but she was here while I was at work just last weekend. So that’s obviously a lie. and im gaslighted into believing if I want this family together I have to accept that he’s gonna keep seeing her and talking to her. Only reason I got pregnant was to try to save this family; had I known he wouldn’t stop talking to her and seeing her I would’ve just tried my best to move on without him or my best friend. 

I can be obsessive but for the most part I try to be a good person to everyone and treat the people in my life with love and acceptance. I just want to mean enough to someone that they’d block Jesus himself to keep me in their life.