Whenever I'm on a new environment, or a new place with new people, I always try not to get close and share some info about me. Because, if I do and found a new friend, I'll start clinging to them. I'm aware about my extreme emotions and I can control them, somehow. Because of that, I can't make new friends.

I used to have friends (my FPs). I felt like I'm starting to be an annoyance (I know that they're already sick and tired of me venting and exploding all the time) that I had to "abandon" them before they could "abandon" me. Because I don't want to hear it. We still talk from time to time but I'm always mindful about my messages as I try not to expose my condition about them further (they don't know about my bpd)

Now, it just feels so damn lonely. Because I don't want to be seen as "insane" and "fucked in the brain". I feel that I'm on the right path. I'd rather be alone than to feel abandoned. 

I wish I could abandon this curse and start a new life. What do you guys do besides therapy?