I will start from the beginning...
I was always very social and confident when I was a child and I had a lot of friends, then we moved to a big city from our village when I was 8 and I saw that kids here knew a lot about things I had never even heard of and I felt like I wasn't smart enough. Some incidents happened during school which made me feel as if I didn't belong with these people, I always felt like an outsider. But things were okay. I was doing good academically although I wasn't social or confident anymore. This continued throughout school. I had 3-4 friends and I had fun with them. I was known as the class introvert but I never considered myself to be one because I loved being around people and never had any problem approaching new people. But I was extremely self conscious whenever I had to do anything in front of the class. I was confident only when it was a one to one conversation, whenever a thrid person would join, they would start taking among themselves and I would feel like an outsider. I missed several opportunities because of being so self conscious and I hated that about me. I wished I was as confident as others were. 
Then in college I had only 2 friends. I got in a relationship and everything was good for 2 years. When I was 20, I started to get health anxiety and I would worry alot and think about it obsessively. My bf was also going through difficult times and couldn't be there for me and I understood that. It went on for a year and I couldn't keep the relationship anymore. My anxiety had gotten worse. It wasn't just health anxiety anymore and he was still busy in his life, whenever I would tell him anything, he would just kind of ignore it. I broke up because his unavailability was making things worse for me. I tried to just take some time off instead of breaking up but he wouldn't let me so I had no choice. It was a bad breakup and left me with a lot of guilt and I blamed myself for a lot of things. Over time things got worse and my mental health got really bad. This might sound insane but I can't say or do things a certain way because just before that I get this thought that if I say it or do it like that, something bad will happen to me or to the people I love. I fear jinxing the future. And because of that I have to change the wording of the sentence I was going to say or avoid it altogether. This is just one example. At one point, only if I touch wood 5 times will make the thought go away. 
I'm 25 now and I don't have any friends, the two people I tried to share these things with never tried to understand. My college best friend, when I told her everything, she didn't even text me back after that. The anxiety has ruined everything, It ruined my relationship, my mental health and my career. Things are relatively okay duing the day but at midnight I get so hopeless and start having suicidal thoughts. I'm so tired of this. When I first started to have suicidal thoughts about 2 years ago, I thought they were just temporary and I was sure I would never act on them. And they were rare too. But now it's almost everyday and I'm afraid someday I'll just do it. And I hate being this way because it just makes me a coward. I started talking to my bf again 2 years ago but we weren't in a relationship and talked as friends only and after many months of talking, I told him I was having these thoughts and he would just ignore me. Again, the ignorance and uncaring attitude made things bad. We would fight and this time he was the one to leave. And tbh I don't blame him, I think he just had too much of this drama.I feel like something is wrong with me that I have ended up with no friends. I cry almost every night. I can't fall asleep cuz I keep thinking about this and that. Hypochondria is also making it worse and esp due to covid. It has been 5 years now and I think this will never really go away.

Please, if anyone know of any effective way to get rid of all this anxiety and obsessive thoughts, please let me know.