Just going to mindlessly ramble here for a bit

I'm lying in bed right now and my room is an absolute disaster. My mom used to cry at the sight of this sort of mess, but now she doesn't even blink. It feels like no one believes in me enough to actually say anything. I don't blame them. I've asked for help before and it never went anywhere. Seems like the family and friends I've spoken to aren't equipped to help. I figure if they were able and wanted to, they'd at least check in every so often since they know I struggle so much. But they don't. I don't even try to hide stuff from my dad anymore cause he's likely doesn't have the guts to confront me about it. I don't blame him, I wouldn't have the guts to confront me either. I'm ready to give up and give into my flaws and failures. At least I'll derive some sort of temporary pleasure from such unhealthy living before everything goes to shit. It's going to shit anyways, so I may as well enjoy the ride. I know there's no context for any of this and it's just senseless rambling. If you got this far, then color me impressed.