For one of the first times I couldn't find the exact content I was searching for on Google. I typed in the question, or more like a statement, over and over. Re-wording it so that maybe something would come up. 

"Already lonely before coronavirus."

"My life barely changed after coronavirus."

"I already socially isolated before coronavirus." 

And it went on...

Articles about the dangers of social isolation came up. How to handle this time of social isolation, and the many ways in which socially isolating can stunt your human experience. One article stated how prolonged loneliness is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Yea that sucks. It sucked even more to not be able to find any such article or blog post. 

I knew I was lonely. I've felt lonely since I was a kid. It definitely has gotten worse into adulthood, which turned out to be much more difficult to make friends than when I was younger. I didn't have friends, but I had no idea I had isolated myself for so long. But when I couldn't find any articles or acknowledgments about how someone else's life had barely been effected by this social distancing and isolation, I was..idk, pretty surprised. This is the loneliest I've ever felt. For years I've been using the internet to reference what is normal. what people are doing. what are people talking about. whats going on in the world. I don't even have fucking social media at all. This is the only online community I'm a part of and I just joined it to make this post! I do not exist online anymore in any social media account.

Fuck man..I don't know what to say. This all just happened..I'm still a little shaken up about it. I'm lucky to have a husband and family around..so it's not so obvious. But when this pandemic began and I saw all of these people becoming frustrated and lonesome over what has been my normal for the past 10 years, I started to really recognize how alone I really am. This sounds so depressing, which it is..I'll give myself that. But, idk..YEAAAAAAAAAA not much to say really. Guess it is what it is? Hahaha fuck what a bummer.