I'm diagnosed Bipolar II and BPD, and I was somewhat in denial of the whole thing because I was on SSRIs for years, which made me completely numb and unable to really feel anything. So, after going off them (about a year and a half ago), I started feeling emotional extremes... like, unbearable extremes and I thought that this is just what emotions feel like. I learned this was attributed to the bipolar disorder and have since gone on a medication to normalize that a bit, but I was still sort of denying the fact that I had BPD along with it until a few weeks ago:

After finding about about my ex's infidelity, a switch flipped in my head and all the sudden, he became the most detestable, loathsome, evil human being ever in my book. I started convincing myself that he was intentionally trying to hurt me and watch me suffer. I started believing that the people closest to me also had some sort of vendetta against me and that I couldn't trust anyone. This has gone on for 3 weeks now, and I'm just NOW coming down from that and I feel absolutely nuts for being THAT paranoid and splitting that hard. I thought anger was a natural response to finding out about betrayal like that, but holy shit, I've been harboring extreme animosity and rage that I didn't know I was capable of. In hindsight, I know my ex was manipulative and selfish, but maybe he's not the malicious, sociopath I've been believing him to be. I don't know though! Part of me thinks I'm being TOO understanding now, especially when I have friends reinforcing that I should be beyond angry about the whole thing.

Does anyone else have splitting experience like this? The anger and paranoia is what freaks me out. I think it might be a combo of the BPD and bipolar hypomania, which makes me feel even more insane. I guess the point of this post is that I sent my ex a pretty nasty message after finding out about everything... people are telling me it was a natural response to what happened and that he deserves to feel horrible, but now I'm feeling like I took someone who already felt like shit and made him feel like a heinous human being. Ugghhh I don't know how to determine which emotions are right and wrong!