A bit of a vent post, I don't really have anyone I can talk to about this, so I've turned to reddit.
I'm 17 nearly 18, in my 2nd year of 6th form college and I think I've fucked up everything. 
There was a lot of drama recently, and I lost my two best friends because they were being horrible to my boyfriend, claiming he was going to rape me and whatnot. I dropped them, but my friend group doesn't "do" drama. So they are both still around, and most of them have just accepted we don't talk anymore.
My supposed other best friend - she's incredibly selfish and self absorbed- hasn't even asked what's happened and why i haven't spoken to them in months. A couple of people who I confined with, and literally sobbed infront of them, don't care. Invited them out to places but not me.

I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. I'm nice, I know that sounds weird to say but I am. I make sure I'm nice and respectful to all, I am a bit shy but I can talk to people and make conversation but I always find myself alone. I've always found myself surrounded by just simply horrible people, I weirdly attract them and I'm starting to wonder if it's me?
I started crying to my boyfriend the other day because I hated myself, and he tried to reassure me but I cried harder. At least I have a boyfriend right? Well, he's not a nice person. He has severe anger issues and is incredibly condescending when talking to me, pulled a knife on people before, and is genuinely just mean to people. But I only have him really. If we break up I have nobody. And I mean nobody.
School sucks. I hate it so much. I have a small class of 5 with one of the aforementioned ex best friends, and he talks to everyone in there, but I don't. They just ignore me really, and I sit by myself. It's embarrassing and I have a 3 hour lesson tomorrow and I can't do it anymore. I've already skipped so much and exams are 2 months away. But if I'm honest I don't see myself surviving that long.

I've always had an unhappy life, always. And I've been suicidal before plenty, but this time it feels...Real? My dream job, is not really a dream anymore. I feel no emotion towards the subject anymore. 

I feel like, even if I am happy one day, I won't be satisfied with living. I need a break, a break from life but I can't stop time. I'm forced to live this.

It probably doesn't help that I have severe depersonalisation. I don't think any of this is real. But for some fucking reason I still get sad, or embarrassed about what these who knows.. figments of my imagination? Think about me.

I don't know what to do. I'm moving to a new city after exams for university. A city where I know nobody and I'm not going to be able to make friends. I'm going to be so alone.

I just wish, I was somebody else. I look at people with solid friendships and want to cry because that's all I ever want. But I'll never get it.