I am 21F. Earlier at university, I took participated in an experimental questioner about childhood trauma. Things were fine, till it asked abut sexual abuse. I wasn't sure what to put when I was asked if I was ever molested at any point in my life

The main abuser in my life was my mother. She has since died and she has abused me in many horrific ways. One of the things she did, which I find horrific, is when she used to shave my pubic hairs. I was about 12 or so when I started getting hair down their, and she would shave them for me. It would bleed sometimes. She eventually let me do it on my own after some time, but now my mind is going haywire. I am unable to focus on my final exams. I am scared to think of my mother as a sexual deviant. I feel like I'm spiraling and crashing, and that I should be able to fix myself :(