Hi all

My (M28) girlfriend (F31) of 1 year has BPD and I don't know what to do anymore. I've been there for her, doing my best to be supportive and help deal with her depressive moods. She's had a quite a hard upbringing and had been very unfortunate in her relationship with family, friends and even co-workers and so she feels everyone is going to betray her in the end. She doesn't really have any support or people to talk to other then me (she's cut her family out), and she's been to therapy previously (for 2 years or so) and has tried/understands DBT etc, she says that it doesn't help her and that she doesn't want to waste money on it. Financial restraints are a concern of hers and so I offered to pay half of it but she still doesn't want to go. 

She often talks about not seeing a future, can't see the point in living and I'm getting worried. I've urged her to look for some professional help as I can't help and although she is agreeable to the idea sometimes, she refuses to actually seek help. A few weeks ago after a phone call with her dad, she self-harmed and although she said she won't do it again, I'm worried she will relapse. I understand it's been around 3 years since she last self-harmed and it's usually her dad or family members which trigger it. 

Although I believe I'm trying my best to be there for her, I'm not the most emotionally intelligent and so I find it difficult to help her through her depressive modes. She often talks about how everyone is against her and nothing works out for her, and I try to help her move on or focus on the positive but then she sometimes gets more extreme and tells me that I'm invalidating her. I know I could just be agreeable to what she says but I genuinely feel sometimes that makes her worse and she downward spirals if I agree that people are shit. 

She's not always like this and she has more up-days than down-days but I'm getting fatigued, anxious and lost for what to do. I want to help and be there for her but I don't know how, especially when she refuses to get professional help. 

Rant over, and I would appreciate it if anyone can give me any advice going forward. Thanks