It may sound selfish, but ever since I was a young child, I have been the one who has to fix my family issues. My parents argue constantly and both come to rant to me about eachother and expect me to back them up and support them. When I don't give them what they're looking for, they get angry with me. When I try to distnce myself from the drama I'll get yelled at for not coming to see what's wrong because "surely I noticed that something wasn't right". Now I feel like I've just become an emotionless robot with programmed responses I give each time something happened. It's easier to switch off my emotions but now I just feel hollow and empty, because I can't feel good things either. I'm always the one who has to pick up the pieces whenever something happens, and I think I've reached my limit of what I can handle. But it's never going to stop. My one hope was escaping to a different country once I graduated but Corona put a stop to that. I feel trapped and suffocated in my own home, unable to escape. My tolerance for stress is basically non existent at this point and I don't know what else to do. My suicidal thoughts have returned and it's really starting to feel like an option. I know I should tell my therapist but I don't know, I don't want her to worry about me. She looked so sad after our session last week idk how she'll react if I tell her. She was speechless after what I told her last week and apologized that she didn't know what to say. Part of me wishes I could just end up in the hospital I'm so desperate to leave this place. I need to stop existing for a while because life is just too much to handle.