Im so tierd.. especially from myself.
My mind keeps replaying the Last year Back and Forth. Going over every mistake ive Made, every decision that lead me to this Moment, awake and sunken in memories i wish i could have changed, Wish to have done so many things differentley. I didnt took the Uni seriosuly and didnt really learn anything the Frist Semesters, Just wasting my Money and my time wich i wasted enough already over the years. Ive deeply hurt a very dear person to me, wich i never forgave myself, i dont know how, the guilt and Shame sit deep within me, ive tried to make it Up but Made it worse in the Ende. I couldnt handle the emotions so ive began to smoke Weed daily, Just getting high to forgot stuff,to forgot myself or to sleep... this Made me unable to function properly as i began to neglecte myself , thus i fell into a deep Depression and withdrew from all and i still am. 
Now im in my bed, sober and facing those Emotions i have supressed for a while.. and man i wish i could keep Thema supressed, the self hate is strong i feel so Shit looking Back, i just wish i didnt do anything . 

I know you read this, im still so so sorry.