I recently split on my favorite person in a very big way. In a way that when I was coherent again, even I was disgusted with. I didn't even recognize the things I said via text and it didn't even sound like me. I've been pretty co dependent on this person on and off for the last decade. They've helped me through many episodes and forgiven me for many of these events. But even I will admit that my latest outburst is unforgivable. They've said they need time away from me and I'm doing my best to give them that. I owe them that. 

But how much of my splitting behavior can I control? Am I a bad person because I say these things and let myself be purposely cruel and manipulative? I know I've probably lost this person for good, but I want to learn from this to do better in the future.

Thanks in advance for any answers or suggestions or copijg mechanisms you guys have.