I received my bipolar 2 diagnosis a year and a half ago. I immediately got on a medication and started therapy. I was good for about 3 months before my husband and I decided we wanted another baby. So that meant weaning off my Depakote. I did, and things seemed fine. Then I had a miscarriage. I started a spiral from April until now. I told everyone I wasn't actually bipolar, even my husband. I refused therapy and medications. I've left my husband probably about 5 times since then. He's tried to get me to go to therapy and find a new medication, he's refused. He started therapy because I kept telling him he's the problem and obviously him and his therapist have concluded he's not. Which I couldn't accept. Oh and I actually am 21 weeks pregnant now, which I feel extremely selfish about. I already have a 2 year old.   
Well finally last Saturday after a depressive episode, I lost it on my husband in a dysphoric hypomanic state. I was upset he didn't want to spend the day with my son and I, but instead with his brothers. So i started texting him crazy things about how horrible he is and how much I dislike him. I mean I said some horrible really terrible things. I can't even look back on it. I told him I was leaving. He kept asking me to stop and calm down. I couldn't. I left my son with my mom and went back to our house where he was, and his brother was there and he was packing a bag. He blocked me on everything and said if I need to contact him to go through his mom.

The hypomania got worse. I booked an expensive AirBnB for my son and I to stay in despite my MIL and husband pleading for me to stay the house or my MILs. Finally on Sunday, my MIL was able to calm me down for a bit. She got me to go to her house with my son, told me she was going to help me find a psychiatrist and therapist and offered to take care of my son if I needed to go to the hospital. I said no to the hospital. My husband came over that night to see our son. And I went off on him. My MIL was there and was trying to help me see how my perception of reality wasn't true. My husband says he wants to wait for me to get better before he is comfortable seeing if we should stay together. This is completely rational, who wants to be with someone who is verbally and mentally abusive one day and fine the next? But I took it as he's leaving forever. Which he's entitled to do because of who I am. But fuck does it hurt to realize how fucked in the head you are. I love him so much. I don't know why I say or do the things I do. I feel horrible about it. I want to just die over how I've treated him. I got a psychiatry appointment with a prescriber with Cerebral for the next day, and also contacted my therapist. That was yesterday, so I am now starting with the typical 25 mg Lamictal and was able to write some bullet points I needed to communicate with my husband to then have my MIL send to him (with no response expect of course.)

The despair is unreal though. How did I let this go on for so long? How have I treated my husband like this? How could I get pregnant again knowing who I am? Getting to a proper dose of Lamictal and feeling the effects could take months. Is he going to be around by then? And even then, will he be able to deal with this for the rest of his life? How do you guys stay on a regimen when it takes so damn long to feel the difference? Will I ever be able to be a good mother and wife that doesn't screw up her kids?  
To make matters worse for myself, I went on the BipolarSOs sub. Holy shit do I hate myself more. Reading the comments on how much partners hate their bipolar partners, about how selfish it is for them to have children. 

I guess I'm asking for success stories. Any decent bipolar parents out there? How do you do it? Any bipolar marriage success stories? Do I let him know he can leave now and doesn't have to wait? God, I know he could make a healthy woman happy. And she could make him happy.