I pushed her away after she took me back because I could tell she was still talking to a guy she met before we got back together. I got really insecure and possesive, and overwhelmed her to the point that she didnt want to consider us a couple.

I feel like I’m supposed to move on from all this and not be let down. I feel like thats what she expects. Im afraid if I show weakness or attachedness, she’ll find out and fully cut ties with me. We’re friends now, but I’ve expressed the desire to not see anyone until she’s ready for a relationship again. But she isnt feeling the same way. She isnt planning on seeing anyone now, she really wants to be single. But she also doesnt want me to think that its impossible she goes to someone else when she’s ready for it. 

I still see her as if we’re together, every few days, and we’ll still be on dates. Im just really insecure about what she said and about my feelings of loss right now. I don’t want to feel this all over again in, say, 2 months because shes decided to go to someone else, whoever it may be. 

None of this would have happened if I had reached out to her when she texted me, but I deleted my account in panic. I feel so guilty. 

Im going to give her her space, hopefully more than she needs. I don’t want to push her away even more. I just want to see her smile and laugh as much as I can while Im able to. 

Im honestly preparing for the worst. But im not going to let that get in the way of enjoying the time I still have with her. When I’m with her, I forget about all my problems and worries. I wish I could have that with me forever, but Im sure Ive lost my chance and she doesnt know it. And thats okay. I’ll learn to live with it, hopefully soon. I’m gonna miss her so much. You mean more to me than you can imagine. No one has loved me better.

I just want some comforting words and virtual comfort. I don’t think I can hug her again, but I want to imagine it if possible. Thank you all for being here for people like me.