I have been dealing with depression and anxiety since my teens, but last couple of years I feel like everything around me is just falling apart. I feel like I am stuck in a loop of that every day I am scared of the upcoming day and what is going to happen. And the only time I feel good is when I fall asleep. I tried my best to make it better but I feel like I have run out of options and the only way to exit this loop is leaving this world. I am quite looking forward for it but I am so scared at the same time. 

Only thing that is stopping me from this is fear of hurting my family by doing so. 

I have never talked about this before to anyone. And this is the only place where i feel safe to express myself.