i don’t have a job, i don’t even really want to work but i have no choice but to look for something even though i can barely function. all i do is sleep anymore so i don’t have to be conscious and alone with myself. 

my relationship with my partner is falling apart, i don’t know how to believe he cares and from my perspective, he hasn’t done the best job at showing me he does. he’s everything i’ve ever wanted, but i can’t believe that he loves me and won’t leave so i keep sabotaging the relationship anytime something goes wrong and saying we should break up, which i know isn’t healthy but i don’t know how to stop. 

i just wish i wasn’t like this. i wish i didn’t exist in general. i keep isolating myself and pushing people away because i think i would be better off alone. at least i couldn’t hurt anyone ever again if i was alone.