Some context: my partner loves my parents and gets excited when we go to meet them just a couple cities away. She has pretty shitty parents, so she kind of looks at my mother almost like her own…like she can actually get some comfort from her. As for me, I often get a little anxious in their presence, especially when we first get together because I’ve felt like the problem child between my younger brother and I. I used to smoke cannabis, which my mother highly disapproved of (think addiction and Reefer Madness). Been arrested twice, struggled financially most of my life (I’m 30 and still can’t pay my health insurance).

As for my relationship with them, I’ve always been close with my Mom but never really with my dad. We disagree on many things and just haven’t bonded much. He and my mother also were somewhat abusive in that they yelled at me and my brother a lot when we “misbehaved”. They both used to be more quick to anger but have calmed down a lot, especially as I started to regularly attended talk therapy with a few different psychologists over the years. Anyway, I believe my relationship with them to be relevant here because I tend to feel like there is something wrong with me when my anxiety is high for the day which is not infrequent. My anxiety is often pretty visible as my whole body can get pretty tense.

Anyway, I hope this all gives enough context. After several visits to see them with my partner, I suggested meeting them today, to which she said no because I always get anxious. I said that I’m having a good day and probably won’t get anxious but if I do , why is it such a problem? I now feel misunderstood and kind of angry to be honest. I plan on talking with her in about on a few. It just doesn’t sit right with me. Any advice? It just seems wrong to use my mental health as an excuse to avoid a certain activity(meeting my parents).