Hello all! I need some advice.

I'm currently in the midst of dealing with a romantic situation fizzling out. For a bit of backstory, I joined a band this past summer and almost immediately was into another member. He would flirt with me at practice and I could not get over how cute I thought he was. Then, I went on a study abroad trip for school and left for three weeks. When I got back, I was so excited for practice so I could see my crush. And for awhile, he was into me too. He started initiating contact, messaging me almost every day and finally one night after practice I went home with him. I was elated, over the moon, infectiously excited. I told my two best friends immediately and even though I knew I was falling too hard, too fast, it felt so good to feel like I had finally found something good after years of shitty boyfriends.

But now it's fizzling out. It started Friday night when I asked him to hang out and he said no because he wasn't feeling well. He messaged me a bit on Saturday, but I haven't heard from him since. Wtf! I am so hurt. I ended up spending the previous weekend at his place and it was so nice. This weekend it was nothing but radio silence from him. I don't know what I did to push him away already. Now I'm filled with anxiety because we have practice tomorrow night and I don't know how to act around him. One of my biggest fears is coming off as annoying, needy, and suffocating. Now I'm like, "is this over? Do I just go home after practice and we pretend like we were never hanging out?" I'm so despondent. I got drunk all weekend and cut to cope and all the while, I know this isn't healthy. I've been trying to do some mindfulness exercises today to pull myself out of it, but I can't focus on them. He's all I think about. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I just refresh my phone in hopes that he's messaged me. I'm terrified at the likely "it's not you, it's me" convo coming my way, if we have a conversation at all. Logically, I know there could be a multitude of reasons he hasn't reached out and even beyond that, if he doesn't want to be with me I need to just let him go. But I can't, my friends. I have just been sitting at home stewing and crying about this for days and I'm so sick of feeling this way.

Well, if you made it to the bottom of this post, thank you for reading! Does anyone have any insight they can share to help pull me out of this? Any advice would be appreciated.