A couple of months ago I had my first panic attack ever while at work. Instant strike of dizziness, followed by heavy breathing and a terribly high heart rate. I quickly realized it must have been a panic attack and shrugged it off - Probably because I’ve been terrified of checking my health for like 10 years, after I had some kidney issues and was hospitalized for a month as a 14 year old kid. Most likely I’ve gotten some sort of trauma from that, making me scared of going to the doctor because I was terrified of having to go through the same thing again. I was more comfortable not knowing, but this day at work it caught up to me. 

Then it happened again the day after. After that, something my head just clicked. I just had to do something about it. I did not want to experience that again. I ordered a health check up, forced myself there (one of the most terrifying experiences of my life) My doctor was comforting, but my blood pressure was through the roof, most likely the anxiety. We took a lot of tests and found out that I was very low on vitamin D, Calcium and some other stuff. The results of my kidneys looked pretty good and that made me very relieved. I haven’t had a panic attack as strong as the ones at work after I had the check up, but I still feel like shit some days, being dizzy, anxious and feeling like something is off. Hard to describe but I’m sure some of you understand. 

During this period of 1-2 months of health check ups and tests I’ve been on sick leave from work. Yesterday I tried going back to work, and instantly as I entered the office I started feeling anxious again. The feeling I had after that first panic attack came back. I forced myself to work the 4 hours I was supposed to, and today at work I forced myself again, despite being pretty anxious all day at work. Luckily it didn’t end up with me getting a full blown panic attack again, but I’m scared of what’s to come. I’m proud of myself for getting through it but now I need some advise from you guys. I’m pretty sure I should speak to a therapist about this. I’m so fortunate because my work will be able to pay for 10 sessions with a therapist. Would you guys recommend me to keep forcing myself through the anxious period while at work? Should I stay home and just seek therapy without having to expose myself to the anxiety I feel at work? I feel like I can manage a day of work but I’m also terrified of getting a big panic attack. Have any of you had similar experiences with anxiety bound to spesific places etc? How did you make it better? 

I’m sorry for this long rant, I guess the rant in itself might help me a bit. Thank you for reading all of this and I hope some of you will leave me some advices if you’ve experienced something similar.