I'm 19f I am in college and everyone around me keep asking why I don't date with someone. Obviously, it's because I don't want my symptoms come back. The thing is I was obsessed with a girl for over 2 year (my ex-fp) and at the end all I got was intrusive never-going-away even suicidal thoughs and episodes of crying. I was totally unable to concentrate to my own business. So, the thing is I don't want to let this happen again. Because I know it would. I discovered a few months ago I started to have a crush on someone again and I'm forcing myself to work and to do stuff just to make sure I won't get attached and get those thoughs again. (it's not mutual anyway) I can't tell everyone around me that "heey, it's because I'm mentally ill and i feel like noone deserves a partner like me and also i get too clingy that is almost creepy and the fact that I'm fully aware of my doings makes my feel suicidal"

So, usually I just say some bs that I need some time with myself, I need to focus on my studies and let the life happen blabla.
The fact is, I do want someone, I would love to date but I just made so much progress I fear so much that someone could ruin it. Somewhere I know I don't owe  explanations to anyone, but these questions makes me feel so much of a failure. 

I marked it as Venting but actually I would love know if anyone else is dealing with similar shit like this.