Idk if this is just me, but apparently me being an intense person in general (when I do actually feel like being around people) a lot of people assume I'm either on or usually on coke or amphetamines or whatever. The issue is, because of the manic episodes I experience so often feeling nearly identical to a good dose of a legally questionable stimulant, I'm so used to the feeling, that stims for me just seem like an unhealthy way to force a manic episode, but here's the worrying element:

I am INCREDIBLY good at making uppers vanish. Like it's not even funny, I can hide the effects of them so well because I get harsher manic episodes pretty often, but also they (naturally, I guess) make the mania a bit less fleeting and more controllable...

I know what I do for fun/a coping mechanism (with BPD, is there really that much of a difference anyways?) isn't healthy or safe, I'm not here looking for help or advice, just wondering if anyone else here felt the same way?