As the title says my husband wants a divorce. We've been married for almost 10 years. He's my best friend in the world. But he says I've put him through years of emotional and mental abuse. I didn't know I had BPD until just a couple months ago. When I found out, I immediately started therapy and began working with a psychiatrist to work on medicating some of my symptoms and anxiety. 

We've had several huge fights where he said that he had reached his emotional capacity. I tried to cut back on how much I was relying on him for emotional support and reassurance that we were okay. He says it's just all too much now and he loves himself enough to leave. 

I'm devastated and feeling so lost and alone. I've never been independent. The one year I was, I got myself into so much debt. I don't know how to do it alone. I'm scared. We moved 17 hours away from my family several years ago and we have a7 year old together. He won't let me leave the state with our son so my family can help me through this. I may be losing my job because of my doctor submitting my FMLA paper incorrectly 3 times. And the cost of living out here is far too expensive for me to be able to afford a 2 bedroom place for my son and I. 

I can't afford a divorce lawyer and I want this to be as amicable as possible. I don't want to mess my son up but I'm so afraid that we are. I sometimes just feel like it would be better if I disappeared. Then my husband can have peace and my boy will never have to know what a F-up his mother is. 

I'm sorry for the rant. I just need advice or reassurance. I don't want to die but I also don't want to live with this pain.