I don’t know how to start because I haven’t told anybody but I just really feel like I need to get this off my chest. (English isn’t my first language so there might be some mistakes)

I am a very positive person, there arent many things that get to me, I hardly stress about things etc, I am always very relaxed and focused but there is one thing that makes me feel horrible and that is losing someone I care about.

I’ve been in a few relationships and it always ended badly, I also used to be shy and I didn’t really love myself so whenever there was someone who showed me affection, I gave it back to them. I genuinenly care a lot about all my friends and am trying to be there for them always. 

Last year I met a girl and without realizing it, I fell in love with her, it was the first time ever in my life I was sure this is love and I even believed it could be mutual. Soon I found out it wasn’t (I didn’t tell her) and it triggered the worst time of my life. I thought this was just regular heart break, I felt down, sad and I thought it was gonna go away but it didn’t, in fact it’s even getting worse and there is no reason for me to feel this way

I can’t sleep, I wake up at night all sweaty and shaking with this nervous feeling in my stomach, I feel like I’m suffocating cause it’s hard to breath for me too and I just have this fear that I’m losing all my friends. I wouldn’t be writing this but yesterday I think I hit my rock bottom. Before I went to bed I had what I think was an anxiety attack and I basically threw up. That feeling in my stomach is now consistent and I find it very hard to eat as well and I really don’t know what is going on with me. I told one person and they said it’s just me being heartbroken because of that person but now when I think back, I realize I might’ve had these issues before, it just never were this serious. I’m also overthinking a lot which makes this even worse.

I don’t know what I’m looking for but I really need to get this off my chest because I feel like I can’t keep it for myself much longer. Any comments that could help a little bit would be appreciated, thank you all who finished reading this.