I feel beyond broken. I've suffered with mental illness since I was 13. I'm 29 now. I'm bipolar, I have ptsd, panic disorder and real bad paranoia. 

I've been in a relationship for five years and for the most part it's been great. Until my paranoia started. I get so paranoid that my partner is doing things behind my back. It's hell and I feel so ashamed that I do this. My partner understands my paranoia but it's got to the point now where he said that he's running out of steam to deal with my mental health. I feel alone and so much pressure to fix myself. I know I need to but finding motivation is extremely hard for me. I make appointments and I cancel them because I live in denial. 

I don't know what to do. But he'll probably leave me if I don't change.