I may have lost my FP forever. I don't know how to cope. Backstory: This person has been my FP since I was around 15 we have been best friends, dating, partners and we broke up, at 16 I got with someone else at 18 and so did he, my ex abusive boyfriend made me block him for a bit because he knew I would cheat on him with this guy. I did but every fucking night I would have dreams of him I longed for him and me to be together finally FP started making accounts and following me and messaging me I realized he cared about me and I broke up with my abusive boyfriend, me and FP dated for a bit and then he finally asked me out two weeks ago. But the last couple of days he started acting very different from normal, talking about crazy things, quit his job, threatening people, and not being able to drive. I originally thought he was drunk because we both were trying to "destress" then this weird mood wouldn't stop, we made plans to visit each other then I got a text from our mutual friend not to go its not safe he called his ex talking about random things and threatening to hurt me and everyone else, me and our friend and his ex were gonna go to his house to check on him when we got there his mom took him to the hospital because he got worse. Me and his group of friends went and visited him his mom would not let me visit because she blames me since it happened so close to when we got together I left and our friend said the mom mentioned that the same thing happened to his dad a when the dad was 30 he eventually became normal again. They sent him home but he got worse and got sent to a mental hospital (I think) I have been smoking, popping pills and when I was sober I tried to go for a drive but I couldn't focus I feel so disconnected from reality. I keep crying, having hallucinations, panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. I can't live without him, I dont know what to do. The light of my life is gone and I want to die, I just signed a lease on my new apartment, I'm in school and working I can't handle all of this I just want to drop out, quit work and die. I dont know how to move on what if he never comes back.