I’ve never been formally diagnosed with bpd but I’ve certainly had patterns of behavior, especially in my late teens that perfectly exhibit it. I went to therapy in my early 20s and my “traits” have been less intense in general but I still am not perfect, or even close to it, sometimes.

I have a boyfriend, dating for about a year. Some days I love him so much that I think I never want to leave him. Then something annoys me so much that I just stop. Like he’s a stranger and I don’t remember why or how I ever felt so “in love.” Then, sometimes, even the next day, it changes. 

I seriously can’t tell if I’m just over it. The idea of him being w someone else either drives me into a jealous rage that I typically internalize or makes me happy that he’s having fun or something. There is no in between. Right now is obviously one of those times I’m “over it.” 

I’m not “over it” when I’m in a bad mood for reasons other than him. In fact, most days that are good, productive days for me, I’ll see him at night when I’m done w my day and just feel nothing. Even though I was so excited to see him before I got there. I don’t think I’m “depressed” necessarily as typically when I’m not with him I’m in a solidly good mood. 

He has traits I really like, traits I don’t care for. This is normal for everyone. I can’t think of a reason why I’m kind of feeling nothing for no reason. The weekend prior we had a great time and I was really excited about being with him. It’s embarrassing bc I’m not a teenager anymore but I sound like one. I just wish I knew what to do.