This will contain a perspective from someone who doesn't have borderline. I know it can be triggering or a bit depressing at times so TW here

So, my mom has not been diagnosed but clinicians that work with my parents and me have this steong suspicion, she's not being treated though. This is very upsetting to me as my other parent is narcissistic, and she was always the better parent. However I do know that my mom did her best and she didn't wake up one day chosing to harmful things to me and feel bad about herself, I can see that she's really struggling

I now have to distance myself a bit to heal my own trauma (mostly from my dad) and she's really taking it bad, she tries to make me feel very guilty in many ways, and it works 'cause she always did this. I assume that's because she feels abandoned. I have stopped sharing details about my life, my health... Cause she would use that to control me, talk behind my back and share it with the whole family system against my will

It's hard for me to not react in situations like this, cause she can be very manipulative (which means she must be suffering a lot I think), and I am a bit disregulated myself having cPTSD

I don't know if there's any way to express myself in a way that doesn't hurt her or hurts her the least, she seems to be understanding at times but then it all goes away and we're back to square 1

I hope this is not too triggering for you. I don't think people with BPD are bad and you all deserve to heal and have a fulfilling life. I have to create distance 'cause my whole family system is disfunctional and everyone denies the issues we have, people with BPD deserve to have loved ones like everyone else imo, this is just a really unfortunate situation. But I was hoping to get your perspective and perhaps some guidance on how you'd like someone to communicate with you in a compassionate way that they need space and boundaries, they still care and they don't think you're bad and perhaps want a heathier relationship with you in the future

It seems like she's never receptive of this