Hi all.

I am a girl who mentally retreats to a warped reality. I fantasize about a life I don’t have almost constantly, in which I have a perfect boyfriend and a nice future I’m looking forward to. The boy has a rich personality, depth, and a life of his own. I worry because I feel myself
becoming more invested in this reality as each day passes.

I might sound crazy for this — and I probably am — but this issue stems from me having been in and out of hospitals every single day. Ever since I could remember, I’ve suffered from a rheumatic disease which handicapped me both physically and visually. This has had a major impact on me growing up and wanting to keep to myself.

I don’t believe I’m socially inept or unable to find a loving boyfriend, as I’ve been very good socially when it came to school relations and whatnot — but I simply prefer this over anything real. I don’t wanna go outside. I don’t want to talk to people. I wanna live in this reality I invented for myself. 

I apologize for the long post. I just wanted to get this off my chest. I wanted to know whether I made myself sick and if this is what schizophrenia is or not. If this isn’t it, I apologize. I don’t mean to disrespect anybody through my ignorance.

Thank you. xx