It's day 12, I had discussed with my psych my diagnoses. She believes it isn't AvPD with BPD traits but BPD with avoidance as a way of coping. So I'm moving from r/AvPD to here.

"I get so excited about the people I meet and everything is perfect, theyre perfect. Everything is so amazing that it all feels like a dream come true" I say to my psych. Let's call her P, P for Psych 😝 "Kevin, you deed of their flame right? Until one day that starts to dwindle. That's from them liking someone else, not supporting you enough, not responding straight away from your texts, or just criticism. And that's when you're left with your own flame" P responded. "What can I do if the fire goes out?" As I laughed when Gang of Youths played in my head. 

P ended up interpreting my circle is destined to her. How I avoid social interaction up to a week or two, such could be me just leave me bed bound. Then I start being overly social making new friends or partners. Things go amazingly as in so excited and I fuel their excitement as that makes me more excited and everything is as best as possible. After a week or so when I start to see them pull away I take the decision to pull away before they can. Then P talked about how I can get help but it'll be long and hard work. She didn't give me much let alone any hope. She made me conscious of what I am and what I make others feel and go through. It made me view myself as a monster like I was unfixable. 

I don't know what to do anymore. This post is less like my other stuff but yeah. 
