Last time I posted here under the seeking support flair I just got people asking me what it was that *I* did, making me feel like people thought it was my fault and not making me feel supported at all but here we go again.

I snooped in my boyfriends phone for the first time ever late February, about 10 months into our relationship. I just had a feeling so I looked on his Instagram and I found that he had been talking to other girls, cutesy and romantic stuff to one like “I can’t talk to you until the morning &lt;/3” and her talking about cuddling, etc.
I’m experiencing one of the hardest times in my life and feel completely alone in life besides my boyfriend so all I could do was cry and he cried with me and begged I forgive him etc so I did. Because I don’t want to be alone and I felt like he was my truest friend and I was so vulnerable.

Later in the week or something I looked deeper in the phone and saw that there was another girl that he was because really sexually driven towards. Saying he wanted the “uncensored version” of her story and lots of heart eyes and tongue emojis.
Somehow that hurt more.
I freaked out again.

Still, I keep him. But it’s really damaged our relationship and I asked him to delete his Instagram. After like a week of not doing it, he finally does.
For like a day. Then I see he’s posting again. So I get upset and question him about it. He acts like he’s going to delete his account, not just the app.

This morning I wake up, I look on his phone and I see that Instagram is still on his phone and his account it still active, he just blocked me from it so it looked like a deleted account from my side.

I freak out on him this morning and tell him to leave and hit him and try to hurt myself after he left and basically a whole shit show
But I still call him 
And want him
And he claims he wants me 

but I know he’ll just keep lying and lying and lying

Tl;dr: title. 

And I’ve never stayed with any boyfriend who cheats.  Not that my current boyfriend really even believes it’s cheating.

I guess I don’t want to hear “oh yea you should just leave him, he’ll never change” etc
I think I already know that. I just want some sort of support. I’m so alone.