I have realized that I have never, in my life, fully melded into a hobby. I would always start it, become obsessed over a few weeks, and then immediately drop it...only to pick it up once on a while and drop it again. A jack of many cards, but a master of none, as they say. 

Sadly, this is now also happening with my ability to study German. I live in Germany now, and becoming fluent in German is super important. But I continue to drop and struggle with it. I will start really motivated, and then slowly become demotivated, anxious, and agitated within a couple of weeks. 

At that point, even hearing German makes my brain itchy, and frustrates me. I have had a lot of negative experience with people making fun of me in German, people scolding me for not learning fast enough, etc. And I think these are always attached to it as well. And I begin splitting on learning German. 

"Whats the point anyways? It's a waste of my time and money. It's worthless to me. I don't even have any friends anyways. And I never perfect anything. I only fail. I know i cannot become fluent, so what am I really trying for?"

How can I stop this? How can I stop splitting on this? Even if I know I'm splitting, i feel tons of anxiety and agitation around learning German, and can hardly push myself to do it in these moments. But I know if I can't I'll drop it for months again, forget everything i learned, and go right back to square on. 

Does anyone know how to stop splitting on hobbies? How to keep yourself motivated to keep doing it, even through the anxiety and agitation?