Life started off amazing. I enjoyed playing football (soccer) being social and having an amazing normal childhood. I had a decent amount of friends. Suffered childhood bullying like we all do but nothing major. Enjoyed school though was academically uninterested. Had dreams and aspirations like we all had but they were crushed when I turned 16 and had my first drink. 14 years later I've completely ruined my life, have no job, no house, live with my parents, suffer from bi polar disorder, completely cut myself off from the world, no motivation to even get up most days, I'm confined to my room for the majority of my pitiful existence. This year I decided to try and get sober and turn things around and I'm 4 months in and even more miserable than I was when I was fucked out my head, at least the hangovers took my mind off this shitty existence. I've burned bridges with most people I know, I've tried faith but it's just not there for me unfortunately I don't think I could even be arsed with an afterlife either if I'm honest. If truth be told even though I'm suicidal the thought of slitting my wrists seems such a chore and a hassle and no doubt I'd probably fuck it up and have everyone worried and then I'd end up sectioned and have to deal with the outside world asking me fucking questions and pretending they give a fuck haha I constantly think about death, dying, suicide, ways of how to commit suicide then I think about my parents and think fuck and call it off as I know my death would kill my mother which obviously I don't want. I feel mentally imprisoned. Anyways if you've got this far thanks for reading I'm hoping to hear from like minded individuals as surely I'm not the only one who's in this hideous situation lol