I realize that now, and I accept it. For all of my life it's been this way, and as I grow older, I see it's not just going to stop like I wished it would.

I'm degenerating, the entirety of my existence is me in front of a screen, an inability to lead a balanced lifestyle, failing to launch.

Several years back I used to be an avid meditator, and that helped tremendously. It's occurring to me that, if I don't go back to things like meditating and working towards relaxation, I'm just going to spiral.

It fucking sucks being this way but it's just who I am. I wish I could calm my brain down automatically, my life would be a hell of a lot easier if I could.