My skills set isn't enough for tonight.. 

First time tonight, on our vacation, I went too far in front of our 8 year old son. 
I was so hurt and upset and told my son "the truth" about his father and my relationship and fight we just had. I know he had no business hearing any of it and most of it would have panned out in the end. 
I'm so ashamed and worried I have caused him trauma, and also worried it will happen again. 
My husband is horrified I said what I said in front of him and now says this might be the last straw. We try to shelter our son from any issues we have knowing most of them are over-reactions and blow over.
Digging myself out of holes that I made with bundles of TNT is like a full time job. I feel like I can't go on picking up the pieces...its so emotionally exhausting..and every time it happens I know I'm just adding to my husband's laundry list of bitterness and lack of trust. 
I feel like giving up and I always find myself thinking that they're just better off without me. But I am stuck in a catch 22 because if I leave, my son will feel abandoned. If I stay, I fear I will apologize and swear I'm tryng my best best then it will just happen again. 

Does anyone struggle with trying to decide what would be best for their loved ones? At what point do we leave? My husband freaks out at the slightest mention of me leaving but I don't see myself improving after 3 months of DBT. I just want my son to have a better childhood than I did. 

Worst day so far this year 😪