Hi. TW: attempt mention / ER mention 

Back in October my (ex)boyfriend (m25) and I (nb21) broke up. The break up was never clean, we would continue to talk every day, hang out, and sleep together. He has been my FP for nearly three years, and I’m struggling to let go. He has told me he doesn’t love me like he did, he has even talked to other people. I’m hurting myself over and over again by refusing to let go to avoid heartbreak. 

I know the best option is no contact, but it hurts so bad that last time I went two days without talking, I attempted. It is actually what landed me in the ER and got me diagnosed. Months later I’m in the same spot. He tells me it gets easier, but I don’t even know where to start. His affection and love was the only thing getting me through the weeks, and now I have to learn to be my own FP. 

I don’t know how. Is it even possible? Where do I even begin? I’m in therapy, I’m journaling, I’m reading, I’m taking my meds and drinking water. I’m tracking my mood and staying on top of school. I can’t distract myself enough. The thought of not existing with him is so painful, all I can do is sleep it off. If anyone can tell me this feeling of hopelessness will end please let me know. I just don’t want to love him anymore.