  It recently hit me that, I will never NOT be like this. The trauma I've lived through has damaged me so bad that I will probably never completely recover. It doesn't really affect me day-to-day, but it's embarrassing to think i'm gonna need to use these coping skills I learned as a teenager forever. 

  People around me have told me its gonna get better and i'm gonna be better when i'm an adult, but nobody around me actually understands how it affected me other than, maybe my mom? Of course, I can live with this, but its just upsetting to know that i'm never really gonna be whole again.