A couple months back I was diagnosed with BPD and have yet to fully grasp what experiences I have are correlated with the disorder. 

Mind you, I’m not in therapy—I got diagnosed by a psychologist during an eval who I had to stop seeing because it was becoming too expensive. I’ve tried to do research but half the time, while I heavily relate, I get heavy imposter syndrome and it makes it very hard to validate my emotions or situations.  

But I find my mood completely dropping over the smallest things people do. Today a friend of mine canceled plans an hour before we were supposed to meet for a valid reason—yet that didn’t stop my mood from completely plummeting. I told her fine, of course, but deep down I was no longer in the mood to talk to her. Just from that small interaction, I felt like I wanted to block her. I wasn’t even entirely pissed, just upset. But even seeing her user pop up in my notifications makes me upset and I feel like I’m holding a grudge.

Same thing with another friend of mine—out of nowhere, I just felt any emotional ties to them sever completely. I feel apathetic towards them and don’t even really want to see them anymore, over what feels like nothing.

It just makes no sense to me. Especially because my reactions aren’t outward whatsoever and half the time it feels like I shouldn’t be feeling this way. I just want it to stop but at the same time it’s like I don’t want them around anymore and don’t want to put in the effort.