I'm 36. I'm in my 5th college program. Outside of one (a field in which I do not currently work), I haven't graduated from any of them. 

I moved across the country to get a better shot at life, quit a job that was making me *miserable*, and the opportunity to go back to college, yet again. 

In the last two years, I've had both my roommate and his wife move out of the house we all live in (largely in part due to my failing pandemic mental health, also largely in part due to the three of us being tangled in this horrible 'polyamorous' relationship), and it's just completely destroyed my ability to focus on anything, and my will to live. I think about committing suicide every single day. 

I miss class so frequently due to feeling like I can't get out of bed. This means I fall behind in many of my classes, and results in days of sheer insane work to makeup for everything I've missed during my 'sick days'.

I feel like this is my last shot at a half decent life (let's be clear that my new career will **not** yield oodles of income), and I live in a city where there's now a housing crisis due to the pandemic, like we're talking 200% rent increases in the last 1.5 years. I feel like I'm going to barely graduate with $10k in debt, and will be homeless. I moved away from my home town, 1200km away, and I have zero emotional or physical support here. I know this, and am aware it means another cross country move next year so I can live in a place with a livable wage and rent costs that won't make me homeless. Where I'll have even less support than my current 'partner'.  

I have no desire to even finish school. What's the point?  I barely have the energy to keep myself alive on a day to day basis. How am I supposed to stay alive, feed myself, stay physically healthy, focus on my studies, get a new job, save money, and get my own place? It's too much and I won't want to even try. 

Someone please remind me this will pass. This year long depressive episode will pass. I have antidepressants, but due to having a new GP, can't get anything for anxiety, or my debilitating mood swings. I'm exhausted all the time. I just want to sleep.