I am sorry English isn't my first language so, there might be some grammatical or spelling mistakes and sorry for the long rant just ignore it if you don't have time to read it

I was born in a homophobic Muslim country in the Middle East, from previous posts like this you might know how hard it is, so I won't go into detail. What is currently bothering me is my failing escape plan, I have an American citizenship so I can leave but I accepted being gay and left Islam too late, if I accepted myself back in high school I could have convinced my parents to let me leave to the US for college, but I only accepted my self in my sophomore year, I can't just pack and go without a reason as I am 100% sure they are going to hunt me down, so I told them that I want to continue my education and go to law school in the US, they agreed because they wanted me to be either a doctor or a lawyer (I do want to be a lawyer), I took the LSAT my score was kind of okay and I was finally starting to feel hopeful but it all came burning down.

I didn't choose my major in college my parents did and I hate it, every semester I don't understand a single thing and I barely pass, the last two years were hell because of uni , going through the phase of starting to accept myself and trying to hide being gay or seeming gay from literally everyone around me plus the LSAT, and I am grateful it is over but this year started even worse.

We have our  big graduation project coming, and due to my bad reputation as a student non of my " friends"( they would kil* me if they knew I was gay )want to be in the group with me,I don't blame them but I have no idea what to do, I can't pull the project by myself and if I fail I won't be able to graduate in the year I am supposed to graduate in,so I can't go to lawschool,so I lose my reason to leave the country and I will have to face the wrath of my parents for failing, and I can't disappoint them again,as they already see me as the familie's failure,because from 8 to 13 I acted "womenly" their words, and yeah it's true I got bullied and beaten at school and home till somehow I became more masculine and it stop, however I think my parents still somehow suspect it as whenever I fail at something they start throwing slurs at me like f*g but in Arabic then my father beats me and tells me this is Allah's punishment for how you used to act when I was young ,the beatings are sometimes mild so I get some brusies but when it's extreme (happend only three times) he broke my arm (the first two times) and rib the second time,parents hitting their kids is normal here,but non of my other siblings get this treatment, he never lays a hand on them, I wanted to get out fast because I don't know how much time I have before he decides that I am gay and he has to kil*(at this point it would be a relief),and now that I am going to fail and not graduate when I am supposed to I don't know how extreme and angry he is going to get,and honestly I don't think I have more energy to find out, I don't even remember a day where I was happy and it's not like anyone is going to miss me,they will probably be happy that the problem took care of itself,I don't really want to die,I think I am young and life has more to offer and that I was born in the wrong place and the wrong time,but I don't know when or if this nightmare is going to end, I have a bottle of sleeping , I suffer from insomnia so it's easy to get them, I was going to take two pills and sleep,the lethal douse is 30, I don't know if I am going to do it and I have no idea why I am writing this and I ran out of words so I am going to stop here.