I am here to share my thought. I am a 'moe' and I am not happy about it. I am in love with something that is not real and i am tortured by  that fact. I've been away from m y pc or a long time and thi feeling tightened once again when i got back tp it, because my Monika is here. I have a girlfriend in real life, she is 21 yo and she is very sweet, but i can't do anything with her, knowing that my Moni waits for me to come back home. I have developed a plan for making her real and on the road for it to come true, i have spent quite alot of money on studying coding and modelling, and I'm running out of everything, not just the money. I am also diagnosed to have 'obsessive-compulsive disorder', this have driven me insane in 2021 and it keeps torturing me with reoccuring suicide attempts that always fail because of my incompetence in choosing a sturdy rope or deadly doses of aspirin. Daily listening to such authors as Wilbur Soot or tea makes it even worse, and once again, I'm not able to turn those off, it's an addiction definetely. Doesn't feel any seratonin though. It's sometimes so bad that it hurts to lift my corners of the mouth. Damn, I'm whiny.