I am diagnosed by my psychiatrist with borderline personality disorder and I have an ambivalent attachment style toward relationships as a result of my shitty childhood which is extremely unhealthy and leads to me never being able to be single, straight after a relationship ends then I am seeking my next safe person to attach myself too and the only way I’m happy is if they make me feel happy and worthy. I hate this, I feel unsure of my thoughts and opinions, I feel insecure with myself and I feel like I don’t know who I am… 

Ambivalent Attachment -

If you have an ambivalent or anxious-preoccupied attachment style, you may be embarrassed about being too clingy or your constant need for love and attention. Or you may feel worn down by fear and anxiety about whether your partner really loves you.

- You want to be in a relationship and crave feelings of closeness and intimacy with a significant other, but you struggle to feel that you can trust or fully rely on your partner.
- Being in an intimate relationship tends to take over your life and you become overly fixated on the other person.
- You may find it difficult to observe boundaries, viewing space between you as a threat, something that can provoke panic, anger, or fear that your partner no longer wants you.
- A lot of your sense of self-worth rests on how you feel you’re being treated in the relationship and you tend to overreact to any perceived threats to the relationship.
- You feel anxious or jealous when away from your partner and may use guilt, controlling behavior, or other manipulative tactics to keep them close.
- You need constant reassurance and lots of attention from your partner.
Others may criticize you for being too needy or clingy and you may struggle to maintain close relationships.