Im very aware of how irrational my thoughts are. But in my head they are so real. So I make a lot of rash decisions based on sheer panic as a way of coping so I can breathe for a second. Today i could not explain for the life of me something that I did. I just know that I did it to shut my anxiety up so I could able to think about something else like drinking water or eating. Because i just could not keep going anymore. Now a lot of people think I’m crazy and I have to agree with them but in the moment when I’m panicking i just don’t know what to do besides wanting to die. This means taking dumb decisions that make me ashamed of myself. On the plus side I finally sought the help of a therapist for the 1st time and I feel good about it. I hope I can get help to cope with my fears. Thank you if you read this nonsense I hope you are doing well.