I don't know what more I can do to make things better. I wonder sometimes what I have done to deserve the things that happen to me; I must have done something truly awful in my past life. I always think I'm making the right decision, only for things to fall apart or get worse. I escape one place and the next one is a replica. I wish I'd fall asleep and wake up somebody else. Most days I wish I would not wake at all. I lose control of my thoughts and I feel like everything closes in on me, I can't breath, and numbing myself doesn't work anymore. I feel a deep pit of despair in my head. I wish I wasn't like this and that I was born differently. I wish my life was not this way. I don't know how to fix this anymore. I feel trapped. I'm sorry for complaining on this forum again. I will probably delete this tomorrow, go about my day. I don't really have the time for these feelings anyway.