I'm a fucking liar. I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like my life is coming to an end. How can anyone lie to their parents for 2 years? Am I even a human being or a monster? I want to kill myself because I'm a failure. 
I just wish I could turn back time to choose a different path in my life, to study something that I was really interested in and not something I was told to. I blame my 19-year-old self for being indecisive. I regret moving out to another city then because I wasn't ready. I was 19 but mentally I was a child. Scared, depressed child. And I had maaany problems at uni during that times.
Two years ago I told my parents that I defended my BA thesis. It wasn't true. I fell behind with writing it. Or I should say: with making someone writing it for me. Why? Because I couldn't write it myself. Especially in a language I'm not fluent in. Anytime I thought about the thesis I was binge eating. I was nervous all the time. I was afraid to tell my parents about this situation. I didn't want to disappoint them again. 
Now they think I'm gonna defend my MA thesis and graduate next month, when in reality it's gonna happen next year.
I'm sick of lying but I cannot imagine their reaction if I told them the truth. They'll never trust me again and I'll be their enemy and I don't want that because I love them so much.
Please kill me.