I have a big problem with avoiding things like looking at a calendar for deadlines or checking emails of fear of getting the wrong response. I tell myself I'll check things later, but it's just to avoid everything. Part of it is laziness, but part of it is also fear. Like finding out I messed up, or missed the deadline and avoiding that knowledge, but it seems to go beyond that. I just have general fear about everything, down to an irrational fear I can't really define or explain the basis for. I wish it was just laziness. I don't have a problem doing work and if avoiding work was the only problem, I could probably deal with that. 

This is a problem I have when trying to describe it to my psychiatrist or really anyone. They are always trying to make it seem the fear is rooted in some logical thing like fear of doing work or avoiding stress, and once those are tackled or accepted, I will reduce the anxiety, but there's something even more than that I can't really describe.

I'm not sure how long I can go like this but it is really ruining my life and it goes beyond just making work or school a worse experience. Life itself is becoming a mess. I have a history of OCD and anxiety. My psychiatrist believes I have ADHD. I tried Adderall for a while but quit it recently. Didn't seem to change my habits even if it gave me more energy. He suggested I take Zoloft, but I'm not taking any medication right now. I've considered asking for Klonopin, which I briefly tried and seemed to be the only medication that helped with anxiety, even a tiny bit, but even that wasn't really the solution.

Overall my anxiety has been through the roof. I've been an avoidant person my whole life, not only socially, but also the way I described in the beginning, like with tasks and life situations. What can I do about this? I know that eventually I have to face things, but I don't know how to push the anxiety down to a level that doesn't destroy my life. I refuse to believe the average person deals with anxiety to the level that I, or many of the people here deal with. I just don't know how to get it to the level that other people feel it, not to the point where I'm crippled. Avoiding things is an easy path towards a life of nothing. Perhaps I'm just a weak person and that's all there is to it. Maybe it's not a problem of too much anxiety, but a weakness to even handle it. I don't know at this point.

I'm just at a crossroad right now and desperate. The older I get, the harder it gets. I can't imagine how it will be like if I had more responsibilities that other people my age are now starting to take. What will I do then? I don't see my future life being much better to be honest considering how nothing seems to have improved mentally for me.