So this experience is specific to my experience as a white person trying to do anti-racist work, but I often notice I feel deep shame/suicidal feelings when I feel like I've said something problematic or am failing to show up for social justice in the community by missing meetings etc. I feel like I am just negatively impacting people around me and that I don't bring anything positive to the world/just perpetuating white supremacy. The self-loathing only intensifies because I know also that my own shame about whiteness is unproductive: the problem is racism (and the interconnected systems of oppression), not my feelings. And yet I can't seem to pull myself out of these cycles of shame when I feel like I've done something wrong (taking up too much space at a meeting, etc), it's like a vicious cycle.