There has been many times I have thought of ending it, but I always find something to keep me going (usually family).  But as more and more time goes go by I just get worse and worse. For a while I was having health anxiety but eventually got better after taking a break from smoking weed and starting some medicine. And I don’t struggle with that anymore even after quitting the medicine and picking smoking back up, but the depression is really hitting hard.  I feel good occasionally with family and friends but the second I even think about being alone again I feel terrible.  The thing that’s really increasing my depression though is work. I spent half my junior year and all of senior year in quarantine which has basically ruined my mental health, social skills, and while the outside use to be my one refuge I don’t even like going out anymore. At work no one talks to me, they just look at me and avoid me, and any attempt anyone makes to talk to me is just a pity greeting. I tried telling my mom about my depression but she just tried to get me to take my meds and hang out with my sister despite me explaining that the momentary distractions she provides when I’m depressed are just that, momentary. But still here I am at rock bottom, crying everyday over literally nothing. I tried being positive, I tried picking up hobbies, but no matter what I can’t shake the feelings of self hate and complete emptiness of my life. I could go on and on still but I just wanna lay somewhere no one will find me and rot away.