question for u guys: do any of u find yourselves WANTING to feel depressed? rn, i am feeling normal i guess. i’ve had a couple of fleeting negative thoughts but that’s actually pretty good cuz usually i deal w worse.

But, it’s annoying me rn? i usually hate myself for being depressed and moody and lifeless all the time, but rn i feel.. i don’t know how to explain it? i feel normal (not happy either, i just feel.. not depressed right now for once) while also having an itching urge to start mentally screaming a mantra of everything i hate myself, start having a mental breakdown, cry for 5 hours etc.

my brain literally feels itchy rn and i feel super antsy bc i’m not feeling depressed and it’s pissing me off, i feel so restless. Can anybody relate ? ty 

(btw: i’m 14f w dysthymia. usually i feel moody, lifeless, “dead” a lot, but i also get hyper and excited easily, while still mentally feeling dead if that makes sense. i used to have lots of depressive episodes but i started taking zoloft and i’ve had less of those sorry if this info is annoying wbdbhehfibej)