My reason at the moment may not be as serious as others but i want to put it out there to see if others feel the same way? It’s giving me some dark thoughts that honestly, I’d like to avoid bec it’s scary af. 

As the title says, I don’t want to wake up and feel good but see myself look bad in pictures. It’s a punch in the gut to FEEL beautiful but not LOOK like it like you thought you did. It sickens me that I act as if I’m pretty but see my photos from others that I AM NOT. I’ve gained a lot of weight over the pandemic and I can’t seem to shake it off. I’m sad because I’m fat, then I try to lose it and get sad because I HAVE to lose it, then I try and can’t lose weight, then I get sadder because I HAVE to but I CAN’T. And it’s just a never ending thing that it’s leading me to think that I want to die, just for me to not feel this again (my weight fluctuates, i was never underweight).

I know it seems petty. But does somebody else understand?