Yesterday, my housemate left and it surprisingly broke me. We're not even that close and we never really talked that much but we spoke the same language. We gave each other food and talked whenever we saw each other around the house. 

Before leaving, she knocked on my door and gave me a box of milk cookies. She ranted a bit about her new apartment and then suddenly said, "Thank you" "for being there for me and always listening to me." For some reason, this left me so emotionally raw.

It triggered a deeper realization about how I am in friendships. With her approaching me in such an authentic way, I realized that people can be kind and real. I don't understand friendships and for the longest time, I believed that I don't need friends.

I've always had weird friendships. I used to hang out with friends from high school, college and workplaces but I've never really been 100% authentic and vulnerable. I tend to be closed off and keep a facade, because of trust issues and fear of getting judged. 

I've never felt close to the friends I met from the places mentioned but there had been a number of people I've met and felt close to some but then life happened and then they had to leave the city, change jobs or leave the country. I get really sad when they leave.

Does anyone else experience these things? :(