I am not happy. I was never happy. I feel more and more miserable with each day. Everything I do is only a distraction from the fact that I have a miserable life that should've ended years ago. No matter what I do, at best it's just a momentary distraction from my life being shit.

I have no reason to live, all I do is try to survive while distracting  myself from my suicidal thoughts. The moment these distractions end I'm left with pain and emptiness. There's nothing more to my life. I don't have any dreams, I don't hope for anything anymore, I just want to end it all.