A New Perspective on Controlling your Impulses 
By:  TeggyPoo

It comes down to this.  I tried my whole life to control my impulses.  I was a harsh, cruel, scary jerk when I split.  I wanted nothing to do with it, and the destruction I was doing.  I sought help everywhere.  I was told to go somewhere else in my head, to breath, meditate, say mantras.  I’m sorry to all you PHDs, but that crap didn’t help a lick.  Who can calm down that much when your impulse is so strong it drives you crazy?  When you’re hurting people around you and they are reacting…feeding the fire.  It’s fucking hard to meditate when there’s a full-blown argument going on.   When you literally see yourself split and scream in your head, “no come back nice me, please don’t hurt him again.”  Who can calm down when all your energy is put in to staying sane?  It became obvious to me they didn’t understand what actually happened when my impulses took over.  How fast things escalated.  By the time I thought of mediation I’d have pushed someone out the door, yet again.  I’d be alone and begging the universe to just let it end.

So here’s a new perspective.  It worked extremely well for me, perhaps it will for you also.  The problem is you're trying to fix something based off of control.  You are trying to control Control.  It can't work that way. It just can't. It will only drive you nuts as you come up with strategies and counter-strategies and what-ifs. 
 
Instead, look at yourself and understand why the impulse is there. Look really deep at yourself. *This will definitely entail memories that trigger.  

Why is it there? 
When did you first notice it? 
What are the triggers? 
Ask people in your life if they notice you becoming impulsive for certain reasons. 
Do you need to be right? 
Do you need to be in control? If so, why? 

That is the first step. Do that for a while. Really give it a good go.

The next step is acceptance. I'll explain more on that later. And the power it brings. There are many baby steps from understanding to acceptance.

Therapists will tell you it’s about controlling and stopping.  Nope.  It’s about modification.  

Going into remission is all about learning to modify. Just modify. Modify your mouth. Modify your actions.

Now here’s where I vary from published academia on BPD.  At this point they would ask you to control.  I’m not asking you to control.  I’m asking you to identify and then let it out in a non-destructive way…to modify.  

Identify your destructive habits, so that you know what to avoid.  Ask loved ones what they perceive as destructive.  *This may trigger.  I recommend asking with an objective mindset if you can.  This helps.  

What do you feel when you get impulsive? 
What are your physical symptoms? Do your feel flushed, burny, anxious, tingly? This is important, because these physical feelings contribute to your impulsiveness.
Are the physical sensations so uncomfortable that you have to act right away? Are you going to explode if you don't?

Now. Think for me. Have you ever let yourself ride the wave? That's what I call it when I feel impulsive…a wave comes, and I ride the wave. I actively let it suck physically. I ride it out however I need to. Sometimes I mutter to myself or make small noices. Sometimes I speak in a made up language, or swing my arms. Sometimes I just tell my brain to shut the fuck up over and over and over and over and over until the feeling passes. 

Make a strategy and tell people in your life. I told my SO that if I start muttering or making little mouse noises it's okay. I came up with this and it works. People will know what to expect and know what is going on, and believe me they will prefer you saying something like."gahgahgahgah" instead of hurting them. 

What therapists don’t understand is that it physically hurts to ride the wave. 

Describe it to yourself and loved ones what it feels like when the wave hits, so you can all understand.  

It hurts to ride the wave.  That’s why we act impulsively.  We are hurting physically.  It will hurt.  In the beginning I used to scream.  Now, like I said, I mutter, or do a dance, whatever gets me through the wave. 

One day it gets easier. You develop new habits which aren't destructive. You become used to riding the wave, and the wave no longer sucks as bad.

In the beginning I felt like I was burning when I rode it. The impulse was so great it burned.

Now it feels like a mild irritation...like when you are in a crowded room for too long. It goes away fast.

These steps don’t necessarily have to be in order.  We each follow our own path.  I think I did it rather haphazardly, and started with the noises and dancing, and then proceeded with the others.

This is how it went down with me.  I hope it makes you laugh.  One day I was in a really deep argument with my SO.  We were in the car and I could sense I was hurting him and being unreasonable, but yet again I couldn’t stop.  I looked at him clutching the wheel, tears sliding down his face.  I’d had enough of this shit and suddenly from my mouth the phrase, “blah, fuck, blah fuck me, fuck what the what…god….bahgao, hamdorang, fuck, gawd,” came out of my mouth.  At the same time I was doing this weird pumping motion with my fist.  He turned his head completely around to stare at me.  I could tell he thought I was crazy.  I didn’t care.  I wasn’t hurting him, so I rode the wave.
Now my usual response when I find myself flushing and feeling the physical torment is to simply throw my hands in the air, pace, and begin to sing weird nonsense songs.  Some are quite funny.  

I'm sorry for everyone that is waiting on a blog  I was recently diagnosed with many serious medical conditions, and I'm trying to focus on my family. I do hope to have a blog one day.  If anybody wants me to write another article like this, just give me a topic and I will write/post when I can.  I hope this helps someone.  
