I have had anxiety for so many years it is hard to remember my first panic attack.  For years I tried to self medicate with alcohol to calm me down.  There was always the come down - far worse than how I felt before a binge.  I quit the alcohol.  I felt better for a couple of years, but my behavior was odd and I couldn't relate to people.  I wake up feeling anxious.  I take Rx and think this only made my coping skills worse.  I became derailed and was lucky a psychiatrist took me out of work and stood by me and his decision.  I started to think about suicide because I couldn't handle work anymore.  I am in therapy and I see the obstacles, but I just don't feel like I'm better.  I am on four mental health medications and it makes me feel weak.  Does anyone else feel weak?  How about like you're a failure?  I have lost, so much.  I am responsible.  Between depression and anxiety I don't see a way out because it has been thirty years of just dealing with it.