I love him, but in the past I was not good to him. I was the toxic one. I probably made his life harder than it should have. Any sadness or stress was probably because of me, and I hate that. its been 3 years and I am better but I'm not at the same time. he's left and came back and for that I am grateful. he does little things for me when we are together, and sometimes I can still be shitty. he told me I can get scary. I guess I can, and I hate that too. that I am not normal. that I am not motivated like him. I think he loves me, but im scared a girl who is so much better for him will open his eyes. im scared his family doesn't even like me. I am the type of person that believes in "the one." I don't know if you have heard of the twin flame theory, but that is something I want. your other half. he feels like that sometimes. sometimes we do happy silly dances together, and he understands me. I want to support him. I just always feel like he is my one, but im scared that if we were meant to be, then I would have never hurt him in the past. 

and I just feel so scared that someone else better is out there. he has this girl friend I didn't know about until recently. she grew up with him, same swim team, and she DJs like him too. I don't know her, but from social media.. she looks like she would be the one for him. he makes music with his brother, and on their facebook page there is a video of her dancing to their music. they went on a trip (and I didn't even know there was another girl that went) and in the photos they are always next to each other. I feel so paranoid and shitty. like I keep having these thoughts that she is better made for him. she probably has his heart and his motivation and I am just... me. I try so hard but sometimes its not enough. he pointed out I had no passion and he is kinda right. I don't do shit but daydream and work. she has his same passion, and im just his fucked up girlfriend that makes his life harder. these are my racing thoughts right now, and I am crying because I am thinking of losing him to someone better made for him than me, someone better than me.