My mental health took a bigger toll in 2019/2020 when i was self harming, depressed,i really hated myself wnd I didn't think i was worthy. I feel like over the time i stopped giving a fuck and basing myself on my parents opinions and school grading system but I've also lost capability to emotionally connect with people, im also delusional and sometimes hallucinate and i self isolate. Physically, i like myself. The way i look and all, im confident about it, and i also don't have as much social anxiety too. But i feel really miserable when thinking about my mental state. I consider myself to be a realist but i can't get a therapists rn in next 4 years and it's really bad. I feel miserable and dysfunctional for the society, how will i manage to get a job and be a functional adult, when i am not functional now. The only thing that motivates me to get myself up and do my makeup, shower, get dressed is going out. Otherwise I'd rot in my room. I try to distract myself by sleeping or doing anything but thinking about it. I have told myself i have good self esteem but i feel like i am lying to myself cause i feel cringe/weak experiencing emotions so i just deny them but it's so bad i slept full 8 hours yet i feel so dead and drained and can't do anything im so addicted to my phone too and am jealous when i see other people travelling to fun places cause i have been in my room the entire summer except the few nights i spent with friends or when i go out and walk for 5h+ by myself