I just want to be loved. I feel so incredibly lonely and isolated, broken inside. I have so much to offer and so much love to give, but these are continually wasted on people that don't deserve it. 

I spent a year of my life pouring love into a bottomless pit of an abuser. I was lied to, cheated on, and broken down over and over again. I clung to empty promises to change, believed him when he told me he loved me. Forgave him and gave him another chance even when it got physical and he put me in the hospital. I kept pouring love into him, hoping he would turn back into the man I fell in love with. 

He would say he loved me, beg me to stay, promise he'd change until he was blue in the face. And the next moment, bold faced lie to me about the woman he was cheating on me with, and when I snatched his phone to catch his lies, he stomped on me with all his might while I was lying defenseless on the ground. I spent 5 days in the hospital with a tear in my liver and pancreas, and I almost needed surgery. 

But I still forgave him. He visited me in the hospital. There seemed to be some improvement but it only lasted about 3 days, before the emotional abuse crept back in.

When somebody actually loves you, they don't make you feel like you need to fight for their love. They don't make you feel like they need to compete for the #1 spot in their life. They don't lie to you repeatedly, while making empty promises just to string you along. They're not selfish. They don't say cruel things targeting your vulnerabilities. They don't pressure you into having sex when you don't want it. They don't hit you and put you in the hospital. That is not love. 

I was giving so much of myself and receiving nothing in return. I kept deluding myself that the person I fell in love with was real, but now I understand that was just the cleverly designed trap to lure me in. His true nature is this. A selfish and cruel abuser. 

I am a remarkable person. I am compassionate, mature, intelligent, funny, and talented. I have a passionate soul and beauty inside and out. I have an incredible wealth of unconditional love, and right now it is time to use that love only on myself to heal. Some day, I will find somebody who treats me with the respect I deserve and cherishes me. I will no longer tolerate being treated like less than I am worth. 

I love myself. And that is all the love that I need.

(On mobile and can't tag properly if the mods can do that for me!)