undiagnosed, seeing a specialist starting this week.

i can’t remember having a friend that i also didn’t feel like i hated at some point or the whole relationship. but i’ll talk about the current situation as an example.

one of my BEST friends and i are moving in together next month and i literally want nothing to do with her. we were great like a couple months ago. she said one thing invalidating about my mental health and i completely flipped and started absolutely despising her. we’ve been close friends for like 7 years, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding, we’ve lived together etc. 

right now i’m remembering stuff she’s said in the past that i forgot about and i’m realizing she’s not the kind of person i’d ever be friends with…toxic positivity, can tell she only likes me when i’m not depressed, insensitive about struggles, extremely judgmental, etc. it feels like she is 2 diff people and i’m so confused bc i also experience periods of time that i feel like i like her the most out of all my friends. 

i can’t tell if i’m splitting (this kind of thing happens wi most of my close relationships) or if i’m just realizing how many things i hate about her which is making me question how we’re even friends and like maybe i just always become friends with people i also hate for some reason. wtf! it’s exhausting and even though i don’t even want to talk to her i feel bad bc i’m thinking all of these thoughts behind her back and acting normal to her face. 

any advice or insight is appreciated.