I've been dating someone awesome for about six months. I've been extremely open about my history and biggest symptoms (for me, that's self-harm, fear of abandonment, and mood swings) from the beginning. However, I haven't mentioned the "b word" yet, partly because I was waiting until I trusted this person to not use it against me (for example, by using my diagnosis to automatically invalidate my perspective as reasonable) and partly because I was worried the stigma would scare them off. At a certain point, I started to feel like I was lying to my partner; I discussed this concern with my therapist who suggested that I didn't need to say the word but could talk about my symptoms instead... which I have already done.

I'm doing pretty well after nearly a year of DBT to the point where it's not obvious that I have what my therapist described as "borderline tendencies." Stopped self-harming and almost all impulsive behaviors, don't get super angry very often. My partner has even complimented my ability to communicate in a healthy way (!). But I still have lingering symptoms, particularly a fear of abandonment which makes me want to push my partner away by lashing out as well as (comparatively mild) mood swings.

I kind of want to just tell my partner that I have "borderline tendencies" even though my therapist doesn't think it's necessary to do so. I feel like having this framework would make it so much easier to address my symptoms with my partner. I generally trust them, and also feel like if the stigma would scare them off, maybe they're not a good fit for me.

Does anyone have any experiences with informing new partners about your diagnosis?