Really looking for some advice here. I've been trying really hard to cope with living alone, handling everything, trying to find a job at the same time, dealing with a pest issue despite calling pest control multiple times in the past month, and being in a new city by myself. I've been working really hard to stay on top of things, but today I just lost it and started cry laughing like full on cackling to myself after I drowned a roach in the sink. I don't want to bury this emotion either because that's what I've been doing and I know that just means it'll implode again later.

Because I know I can fall into unhealthy relationships and my strategy has been just to avoid getting too deep to avoid making any person an FP, that stops me from reaching out to friends for help. So far, it's been keeping me from obsessing over one person, however, I don't feel like I have anyone I can talk to otherwise everyone back home is just like stop trying and leave. I'm trying so hard to just function, keep myself alive and somewhat moving forward, but my mix of neurodivergence especially the deep anxiety and disregulated emotions feels like it's sucking all my energy. The almost nightly panic attacks don't help either.

I journal, I try to maintain an exercise schedule, a sleep schedule, and eat healthy, and have distractions that keep me going and not falling into this pit of despair, but I just don't know what else I can be doing. Medication isn't currently an option for me. This constant change and putting myself out there is messing with my mind, I was staying afloat before the job search, but now it's constantly reminding me how behind I am, how worthless and incompetent I feel and I can't avoid these negative emotions and decisions anymore, I feel like I'm constantly drowning. I'm terrified of networking with the people who can actually get me a job and who I look up to because I'm constantly worried I'll mess up those relationships as I have in the past and no one will ever hire me here. 

What are your coping strategies for navigating the wild ride of your mind when big change happens?