Throwaway account because these are very personal details.

I'm 22 years old and live in a foreign country, I'm an illegal immigrant because my mother brought me here when I was 12 and we're still trying to get my documents in order. She is legal as she payed a man to marry her and got her visa through that.

I haven't seen my dad in 10 years as he lives in my home country and I never went back since coming here. 

My mother is in her 50s and is a sex worker. Has been since we came here, and I found out when I was 12. I've been lying to everyone I've ever met here about our situation, since I was a little kid. I had a hard time adapting to the culture and the people, still haven't.

I feel sad, angry and frustrated. I can't work because I have no visa. I don't like going out much because I don't have my own money, and I don't like asking my mom for it because I know where that comes from.

My mother had a very difficult life, but she always took care of me. I still can't help but feel angry at her sometimes. She lied to me, she told me that the reason we came to this country was so that she could make enough money to go back and buy a house, but a couple of years back she eventually told me the real reason, which was that she wasn't happy there and wanted to find a partner and have a better life. 

Life still sucks, money is tight, she has no friends, no career, no partner.

I feel powerless. I want a normal life, a mother that has a good career and a good job. I don't want to have to think about what kind of work she does every time she walks through the door or gives me any money. I don't want to have to worry about finding a job as soon as possible so I can help her pay the bills. I feel frustrated, I can't have a normal conversation with my mother because it feels like I'm pretending that everything is ok when nothing is ok. I just can't pretend anymore.

Sorry if this reads as bunch of random thoughts put together, but I really don't know how else to put it.