 

So many things happening, it's hard, insane and ubearable. And I don't see a point anymore.

I got accepted to a dream job few months ago, but my boss came with an counteroffer. I rejected a dream job for stability. I never got that over. Shut my doors there and to the entire industry (starting as 3D modeller in archviz). Now I'm stuck in IT, doing boring job, which nobody cares about (and me the least)

I am alone. Never was in a relationship, always was rejected by women. Handsome guys have it easy. I never thought this low of myself and how unworthy of love I am, as I feel now. I don't know where to meet someone in my late 30's. My friends are all married and have kids. I have nobody to share my life with. I had a lot to offer, but fuck it, nobody wanted it. I feel so lonely, empty inside, unloved and can't see a point or reason to live any further. I'm tired

Well, I do have my parents. Father is an alcoholic who is in denial. Refuses to admit and go to a treatment. Last weekend, he had a seizure and couldnt get up. I was in the middle of networking with new people from gaming industry, when my mother called crying that my father is not well. Well, he collapsed because he was drinking for years. I drove back, left awesome lectures and drove him to a hospital, afraid he would die. He went to one day of a treatment, felt well the next day and refused to go on ay further treatment.

I have a dog, who was my best friend for the past 11 years. But he is 11 years and I know inevitable is coming. Too fucking soon

I am simply tired, alone, in despair and I think I don't need this world anymore. i won't miss it when I die. World doesn't care anyway