I live in constant fear of being fired. All the time. I don’t know if it’s part of imposter syndrome or what, but I just feel like my work is very generic and could be done by most. I feel like I’m constantly late, and that any day my boss will call me into his office and just be lie “you knew this was coming, right?”

The weird part is, because of this, I ensure I do excellent work. I fear if it’s not perfect, it’s nothing. Especially lately, it’s been obvious that my work is good; my design work is fast and creative, my coding is efficient, and my record keeping and organizing is easy to follow and clean. Many have pointed it out to me and my boss. 

Earlier in the month my work load was slowing as some projects were in flux, so I felt even worse, as if they were slowing dispersing my work to make an easy transition after my firing. However, this week things picked up, and my boss gave me new projects, and was telling me I’d be a big part of a new project later this year. 

Later this year. 

I don’t know if it’s more validation or relief. Evening knowing that my “impending” firing is prolonged for a bit makes me breathe easier, and allows me to enjoy my work more. I’m still early in my career, graduating just a few years ago. 

How do I balance my brain out, to say that if I do good work I’ll be okay, instead of you WILL be fired and cranking out work because of that? My therapist says “well don’t be anxious”. Thanks doc.