My therapist asked me the last time I saw her, “do you think any of this is even helping?” and I truthfully don’t know. I don’t think it is. I reset my progress all the time, it won’t get better.

Everytime I try to improve I can’t do it. I’m stuck and there’s nothing I can do. I feel like I’m never going to get anywhere and I’m so fucking terrified of my future because it’s never going to get better. I feel crazy. I try little things when I can and something comes along and just knocks me back to square one, or farther.

I really tried to make a major improvement this year and it has been fucked up so badly. I think I’m even worse than I started out. I hate everything, so fucking much, I don’t know why I even continue to try.

I can’t find anything that helps. Nothing makes me feel better. Not even therapy, and that’s supposed to be the thing that does. What else is there? Because I can’t make any progress on my own, I can’t even make any progress with a professional, what am I supposed to do? I’m going to be stuck like this forever.