When I first started dating my boyfriend, I told him about my bpd and how I might split. I explained it to him very clearly, and he laughed at the face of it. He says he would be able to handle it easily since he knows me so well and he knows how to handle me. O told him it gets pretty bad and my exes couldn't and i wouldn't blame him - he said he can.

Today I had a 20 minute episode where I was mad at him for not replying to me because I told him I really needed him and he was doing his own thing even though he was just on the call with me an hour ago. I am feeling really really suicidal today and I guess I was dumping it on him. He stopped replying for 20 minutes and then when I called him he said he was watching a show. I got too mad at him and he didn't answer me back for a while. 

When he came back he got mad at me and I said sorry because i genuinely felt like I was being needy and too much. He said he won't answer me when I'm too down on myself and that he couldn't handle it.

I knew that this was going to come but it just stunf anyways. But bpd brain fully believed that someone would want to be there for me while I changed moods 10 times in a minute. It just felt sad I guess.