last weekend I went on a date with a more emotionally unstable person than me - what a rare find, it seems! weeks leading up to our first date he was writing me love poems and we talked about our favorite animes, games, and talked a ton about our traumas and provided mental health support to each other. 

after our date, he sent me flowers with poems, a cute marine life plushie bc our date was at an aquarium. he was so romantic, so heavily into me, but...slowly started getting more distant, less texts. More apologies about how he didn't feel good enough for me, how he didn't feel like talking to anyone, how he told his family about me and they twisted all my actions and words into trash. Poisoning his mind, hurting the both of us, slandering BPD.

I haven't heard from him in two days. I assume it's over. I know it *should* be, if he ever does decide to reply. I do deserve more stability. It's hard to not write off all the sweet gestures, all the vulnerability he showed, as emotional manipulation. It's hard not to feel like a piece of me is missing...I've only known him for two months. I've only met him once. Yet, I felt like I had lost myself.

No more. Please no more. I can't handle losing my identity again, losing my trust in others, in my judgement. I can handle people walking out. But I will not walk out on myself when they do.