I know that bpds tend to have relationships with npds, but I’m starting to notice similarities when I used to think they were very different. Im also afraid of becoming a narcissist because that just seems even worse than bpd. A lot of the DAEs here remind me of my mother who I am 99% sure has NPD. She exhibits way more NPD traits than BPD but some of her reactions fall into BPD. For instance, I’ve seen people here talking about having extreme reactions over small things and being angry that  people don’t care enough or listen. My mother would do this. Once she entrusted me with a $5 plastic soap dish and got mad that I lost it during vacation and had a fit that I didn’t care enough. She got mad about everything but instead of raging she looked childish and whiny, on the verge of tears because she was small and couldn’t hurt a fly. At this point I’m understanding how messed up she was - Why rely on your child’s empathy/consideration for your own sense of happiness? She really depended on me to be the adult, and I had to be more mature than people my age.

I know most if not all my bpd traits are a result of being raised by her, and maybe it’s also hereditary... so I’m scared of turning into her. I already have those feeling of “no one is listening” and “no one cares” and I react to stupid things. And I don’t want to become manipulative to have my needs met. Maybe that is the distinction, because Npds tend to act on their needs and do whatever it takes to get what they want? I feel like I just wallow in misery and get mad all the time, and burden people with my feelings rather than manipulating, but my husband has told me I’m manipulative at times.

I’m sure NPDs don’t see themselves as manipulative either. They just do horrible things without consideration of anyone else in order to feel safe and loved. 

But I have had good relationships with people and I have always been the good listener in every relationship. People always tell me that. I’m just scared because my husband who has been tested and has mild NPD traits sets me off more than anyone I’ve ever met and im turning into someone I don’t recognize. He has a desire to change but it’s a constant struggle, and he’s telling me I am making it hard for him to change when I overreact all the time. I’m working on changing as well. 

It’s just so frustrating to see that he’s actually very well adjusted in many ways. Nothing bothers him. He doesn’t react to anything because he grew up in such a shitty situation that nothing could ever be that bad anymore, I guess. But he’s also emotionally cold half the time, passive aggressive, manipulative, and makes people bend over backwards for him, and can’t talk about his feelings. I don’t know if I’m confusing that with narcissism. Maybe I am just sensitive to it all. it makes me feel like I’m my mother everytime I tell him he isn’t listening to me. 




