Hi, this is my first blog on this website (well actually ever). I don’t really know why I’m writing it but my counsellor told me that it might be helpful. 

About me: I’m 19 y/o and have been diagnosed with BPD/EUPD, basically meaning I can’t control my emotions and I feel them 100x stronger than ‘normal people’ (who ever they are?). Recently I’ve been struggling with suicidal thoughts and have even written my notes, planned it and attempted (clearly not very well lol). I don’t have parents and rely on one friend and my ex boyfriend. 

The hardest part of being mentally ill is the feeling of being alone and helpless in what you’re going through. Obliviously right now I’m thinking with clarity and am fairly mellow, but last night for example; couldn’t sleep until 7am and cried for several hours straight, had many panic attacks and self harmed. Dramatic eh? 

The main reason ending my life is so favourable to me, is because I am exhausted and tired of having emotional outbursts and feeling everything so intensely, if you can understand that? Just going from 0-100 in a few minutes of one emotion and then 0-100 the next minute of another emotion is DRAINING. 

Anyway that’s all I’ll write for now as it’ll only put me in a depression hole lol. Thanks for reading and leave me a comment if anyone can relate or is going through what I’m going through?

Ta, CHGS x