I am loosing my job because I used to have depression- I was completely fine but this has triggered a huge spiral.
Plus I was dumped by someone who treated me like shit.
Lockdown has been hell.
I now get about 3 hours sleep a night - I try Benzos and melatonin but doesn’t do anything. 
I’m broken during the day - I look ill. 
Been furloughed and now terrified about the future.
I could go on medication again I guess , but I really thought I had got better. It doesn’t address the root cause that I’m a piece of shit and a failure.
I feel like the only thing keeping me alive is that it would destroy my mum if I killed myself. 
I honestly can’t handle living though. I don’t know what to do