It’s been on and off between amazing, loving, connective, and difficult. Arguments have been bad, this month a little difficult because I’ve been depressed about school, work, etc. and the heavy load. But the in between has been so sweet, and the good to me still outweighs the bad.

Just last week he told me he’d never leave me. We had sex. We stayed up late and played our favorite video game. We had a bad argument a few days ago and I guess that was the final straw for him. Just the day before yesterday he said he didn’t want to leave, and divorce was off the table. Yesterday I came home to a cleared out from his things home, with no warning.

This is holistically devastating. I can’t do it again. I can’t replace him. The abandonment is so real. The pain is unreal, and I just want to die.