So, recently has been... tough for me, I already have depression and anxiety which doesnt help but I need to get this off my chest even if im just throwing a rock into a pond. Anyways for years and years my father wasnt the best parent some of the shit that happened between us was... bad to say the least you see, He used to hit me and my siblings a lot as a form of group punishment and that wasnt all too much fun. A really nasty custody battle took place between him and my mom me and my siblings were getting hit so much it had to be put into the court order group punishment was forbidden, and that brings us to about now... So a while back I found out I may be trans/ non-binary and went into exploring that identity and found out I was, but at the time I didnt tell my father and kinda just hid it. Eventually I confronted him about it and he didnt really say anything on it... and by nothing I mean nothing he refused to refer to me as I wanted to be referred to as which was uncomfortable but I didnt raise a fuss I understood not everyone was going to accept me as I was. So I also have an 11 year old sibling I will not name him because privacy, but my father was driving him to school the night after I told the 11 y/o I was trans which he didnt have the problem, He asked my dad why he was also the last to be told about things like people being trans. He told mouse that he typically was told about these things then when he brought up me my father said: "Well Ari doesnt have the genital's that would describe him as anything but a guy! He thinks like a guy, acts like a guy and is a guy." He told my brother that I was a "Selfish, Heartless person who only cared about myself" Hes trying to turn my brother against me... Hes trying to make my own little brother not like me.... I dont know what to do about this anymore because my father hates me and maybe he has a point... Maybe I just dont know myself, I feel like im just hanging in there by a thread and time is blurring like it did a while ago when I got super depressed I dont see how I can resolve this, In the past I talked about the abuse I went through with him and my step mom and he found it so I decided you know what I will be the bigger person in this relationship and I reached out to him and apologized for talking about him and my step mom without bringing my issues straight to them. They have been saying all sorts of awful things about me and just degrading and hating me and im not sure how much more I can take, Can someone help me? Im not sure with what tbh.... maybe a resolve? Maybe to help accept the fact my father may never actually love me? Im not sure what I need but I can tell you... I dont think its "this" whatever this is... Im not the problem am I? and do yall think its ok for him to try to turn my brother against me? I mean it is his kid but it feels really wrong....