I don't know what i have, my mind is at war with itself. I'ts like a part of me wants to suffer and die,  and the other half of my brain is the past me i guess? But anyway, i'm not posting here to vent but to relate with someone, because I don't understand any of it...

I call the bad half the 'voice,' because most of the time i can't get it out of my head. I don't know how to explain it better then that. I know It's still me, but i know it shouldn't be. Its just, I rather not be like this and sometimes I start to take in what that voice says...

-Anyway the discussion: i know it's the voice that tells me that, "i don't need help with this" and that, i can just ignore it. But it is alot darker then just regular intrusive thought, it's like i fall into this mindset of wanting the bad stuff to happen to me. I don't know, this must sound really confusing. Reading this back, i tryed to make it as clear as i could...

*can anyone relate or know anything about this?*