A trigger warning for everyone who, for whatever reason, is insecure about wether their partner really loves them or not.


If you are active on social media you might have come across the song "Glimpse of us" by Joji. 


I'm a very insecure and self hating person to begin with, due to experience and BPD. Someone else loving me romantically feels simply impossible. Heck even someone genuinely liking me as a friend does. Somewhere in the back of my head will always be doubts and insecurities about that. 


If you don't know the song I'm very happy for you. I honestly don't recommend it. The melody and voice are beautiful, no doubt, but the meaning of the text isn't, imo. The song is about a man who is in a relationship with a woman who loves him so deeply that she does everything for him and is always there for him. She is perfect, as he himself says. But he still doesn't love her, because he still loves his ex and uses his new girlfriend to waste time, waiting for his ex to end her new relationship to come back to him, yet he remains in a relationship with his new one. 


Its been 3 or 4 weeks since I first heard that song on social media (the part of the chorus where he says "Cause sometimes I look in her eyes and that's where I find a glimpse of us"), where it is glorified and you see millions of "i relate", "that hit deep", "this just made me realize how much I still long for my ex" etc comments and people who feel for me MAN, pity him and cry for him. Its crazy, I'm baffled. How many people are played like that daily, if so many people relate? There are only a few comments trying to knock sense into those by saying "yeah poor him but he should have stayed single then, does anyone ever think about his new girlfriend and her feelings and pain?" and similar. 


Every single day this song comes to my mind. A gut wrenching song, making me anxious, doubt everything, scared. Spiking my trust issues. I feel sick in my stomach constantly, as if I was the new girlfriend of the man in this song. I'm disgusted by the song.


I don't know how to handle it. This song changed my view of men (since I'm a straight woman) and relationships and I don't know how to stop it. I can't get it out of my mind and automatically see a traitor who plays their partner in every partnership I see. 


I wish I had a therapist to talk to about all that but sadly none has capacity and I'm on the waiting lists for months. I'm going insane and the song is slowly killing me emotionally. I'm spiraling and can't escape. 


Has anyone a similar reaction to that song? 


xo to everyone