It's been 5 months since we broke up. He says he doesn't want a relationship with anyone and needs to focus on himself. He tells me that he loves me, but it doesn't matter if he wants to be with me, he needs to get his life in order.. He told me to let go. That we will never get back together, get married etc. That I'm focusing on everything else but my mental health. He said he will never forget me, that this relationship wasn't like the others and that it would be physically impossible for him to forget me. I am crushed. Because he doesn't understand that I feel like I am being abandoned, even though he told me he wants me in his life forever. I can't get over him no matter how hard I try. I keep begging and going into BPD episodes making things worse. I keep having this delusion that once I get my life together he will come back to me and want to be my partner again. I know I need to let him go. He told me himself. I know I need to better myself but it feels like I lost everything. I plan on getting on mood stabilizers soon. It feels like I am going to fucking die.