so i used to have daily issues with being social because the fear of hurting people and people hurting me was so strong. but i’ve worked on myself a lot and these days i almost never find myself feeling anxious, to the point that i’m worried that i’m secretly repressing a massive well of unprocessed anxiety. on paper i’m really getting my shit together and making moves to try to have a normal life. i give people advice on how to work on themselves and heal their depressive/anxious thoughts.

but then i wake up one day like today and i feel a wave of fear wash over me, like nothing really changed after all these years. like i’m still back in the same life i was as a child. a single nightmare will set me off and all the self esteem and techniques i’ve picked up goes out the window. i feel like i can’t ask my friends or family for help with soothing me because they’ll be disappointed in me for still being so weak and pathetic. 

it’s a hard day, y’all ):