30 year old man, to say my life is ruined is an understatement. I am financially ruined, have no friends, and have alienated myself from my family for the last year because I can't take the humiliation of the contrast between their lives and my failure.

I used to love music. I'd listen almost all day, every day. Made a bunch of new frends through music, began to play music, spent years learning, practicing every day. Music connected with me emotionally like nothing else ever did. Playing music made me happy. It made me sad. It made me way too happy It made me way too sad. It made my behavior more impulsive and my mood swings worse. I couldn't concentrate on anything. I couldn't hold down a job. Worst of all I fucking sucked. Like really bad. I knew I wasn't good. I suck at everything creative. Thought I could get better, though. Everyone else did. I didn't. Got older. Friends all moved on to bigger and better things. Turns out they all thought I was a joke and a total loser. I am. Can't fault them for being right, but I don't have to subject myself to that humiliation. Haven't seen any of them for 5 years.
Haven't really listened to music or picked up my guitar in 5 years. The guitar is a lost cause and I'm through humiliating myself. but I'd like to be able to listen to music again, I think.

I need something...