*done 

Ok so I’ve decided to stop fighting people on what is toxic and what isn’t.  I’m not ready to make moral decisions on my own but in order to stop burdening people, I need to do it now.  I can recognize how my behavior affects my decisions and I’m now starting to comb throw my past relationships/friendships and have realized that I’m the problem.  They were just victims of me and my abusive mental issues.  I don’t wanna be abusive anymore so I’m letting go of the people in my life that can’t handle me.  I’ve been messing them up every since I met them, because they can’t handle supporting me.  Someone on this sub went off on me because I took their advice too personally.  After some thought, it just clicked and they showed me what several people have already said.  I am toxic and abusive and I need to stop dragging people into my life who aren’t ready to deal with me.  People are not obligated to care about me or support me, even loved ones.  If they can’t handle it, then I’m abusive and that’s toxic and I need to fix it.  I’ve been so worried that I’m hurting my friend that I live with rn.  And because I’m selfish, I’ve just been sitting here and burdening him even more.  So I’m planning on moving away from him, but I have no where to go.  I don’t really wanna go places where people will feel the need to help me, because I know they won’t be able to handle it and I don’t wanna cause them anguish.  I really wanna get professional help only.  I think I might get a job even while I’m homeless as I’ve done it before anyways.  Doing this on my own is going to be tricky but as long as I don’t abuse people anymore, I’ll be fine.  I will no longer be selfish, make excuses, and act like the victim.