 Im 23. I left my country to study college abroad 4 years ago. I hate it, i hate my life here. I live in a 12 square meter room, where I spend all of my time here. My life is just a constant, wake up, exist, go to sleep and repeat. I have no friends, and i can’t make any. Im really introverted, i have social anxiety and I’m not able to form deeper relations with anyone. I left all of my friends, my family and my girlfriend home. I hate my apartment, I hate the weather, i hate online college, I hate what I’m studying but can’t change courses because I already did it once and I cant start all over again. I can’t go back because my parents are paying for college and it’s been already 4 years and i feel guilt. I’m stuck. And I hate my life. I cant go to sleep when I’m supposed to. I sleep until 15 o’clock, I eat once a day because I don’t have energy to cook. I don’t have energy to get out of bed, to take care of myself, to clean. I’m a failure. I hate myself, i cant find a solution or a way out. I can’t study. I’ve been postponing exams because i cant concentrate and i just lie to everyone that everything is okay. I’ve had dark thoughts. I tried therapy but I can’t express myself and it’s not helping. I just want to sleep. I’ve started doubting if I even want to live anymore. I still have at least 3 years to go.