Our friendship is complicated. We met online and have never taken it further than that. But we talk constantly. Almost every night for the last three years, even if just for an hour or so, we've talked. He knows things about me I've never told anyone. He talked me through ending my life after I was raped. He talked me through a breakdown after I had to euthanize one of my cats. He's been there.

But no one knows it. I haven't told anyone about him. So now, after all this time, when it feels like he's drifting away, when he's gone more than he's there, I don't know who to talk to about how afraid I am. I feel paralyzed, unable to do anything.

 I've dealt with this before and I'm trying to tell myself not to repeat the mistakes I've made with other FP's but it's like I can't control myself. I'm going through the same clinginess. The same holding on with all my strength even though I know in the end nothing I do will stop him from leaving.

I don't know if I can survive this again. 