starting off again, i (21, they/them) and my partner (23, they/them. ill call them S/O) are in a LDR, S/O has BPD.

i've said before in my first post here that i can end up feeling like i make things worse. if i have the terminology right, i think S/O splits on themself or like.. if not that, it's still a big rush of self-hate and thinking theyre better off dead, a lot of them saying they should "just shut up". 

i understand there's no way to make everything better, but does anyone have any thoughts on what kind of talk could be helpful?
if not, maybe things to avoid saying? sorry if this is dumb or vague