I don''t really know where to turn right now. I'm fucking spiralling. Briefly: I've always had emotional/behavioural/depressive issues. NHS system is dreadful for mental health so i've really never had any help. Been briefly on and off different anxiety/depression meds over the years but never with any success. (im a 32 year old female for reference). Earlier this year I was given sertraline and had a really nasty case of serotonin syndrome, nearly died, lost 2 stone, in a coma... etc. No follow up care. I'm not currently on any meds and haven't been for ages (part from the short stint on sertraline back in feb/march).  A few weeks ago I had a really bad emotional episode, fought with my boss and quit my job. Felt fucking great, applied to uni as a mature student and was accepted! Excellent! This is a new start, I can finally make something better for myself etc, feeling on top of the world. Then as I'm working through my notice period I start to realise the reality of my situation and i'm just fucking terrified, I can't fo it, I'm freaking out, having loads of panic attacks. I'm crying all the time, I cant sleep, i cant communicate, i cant get out of bed. But when i go to work I put on a show. anyway I'm waffling. What I want to say is I work in a dental practice and yesterday my dentist referred me to a specialist for something. I logged into the referral management system today to check on it, and noticed that my medical history had been attached via the NHS (i always tick the box which allows my medical history to be shared with relevant bodies). Anyway I was intrigued and started reading through all my previous things. Then a few pages down, under diagnosis's it says I was diagnosed with EUPD last month on the back of a call with the psychiatrist i think? I've been on the waiting list for an ADHD clinic for over 5 years. When I had the serotinin syndrome I was sent to a community mental health centre and a woman from there called me a few weeks ago and said i should chase up the ADHD referral. It seems about this time I was diagnosed with EUPD. WTF is happening? I'm in shock so bad all i can think about is dying and just getting out of here. I can't cope. I have one day left at work, I can't face starting uni (I have no idea why I did this, its just a disaster) and now I've apparently been diagnosed with a personality disorder and noones even told me or offered me any help. I just don't know what to do.