Idk how to start this so I will get straight to the point, I've had many times in my life the past years since COVID began that has terribly affected my thoughts and views.

A month after lockdown started when I was 13, my dad got diagnosed with stage two tonsil cancer and I was appalled, the day I found out I was shivering but stopped myself from crying. But after that I found that I couldn't cry anymore and stuff like that happened, flash forward a couple months later and I come across a COVID conspiracy theory forum on the web, now I not the gullible person I was back then but I actually begun to believe in it, and later it got to the point where I actually didn't believe in a lot of things scientists did, this all caused me to get anxious and a few other "conspiracies" aswell and I'm still in shock and fear of it but it feels weird.

"What's the point of this post?" I need help with coping with the fear caused by these things, I've stopped looking at conspiracy stuff but I still have these odd thoughts about it and it gets me down and worries me.