If this text sounds confusing, I'm sorry I had multiple panic attacks when writing this.  
Hi im almost 20/male. I was in the mental hospital (again) after trying to end it. This is my 5th time in a mental hospital. Anyway Im really confused because they gave me the suspected diagnosis of Emotional unstable personality disorder borderline type. Well this on its own would be a lot to take in but I am actually diagnosed with Avoidant Personality disorder by my therapist. There was a period when I suspected I had it but (I was still living at home) my therapist told me I cant have it because I never ask him to do something out of session. Or that I always show up on session so I do not behave like a BPD patient to him. But like for me this is not an relationship its just some dude I tell my struggles  that then tells me what to do. Its not a relationship in any way. I was really confused. Last session he told me that if i dont have a problem we can talk general and strengthen our relationship(I told him that  if i dont tell him a problem or if i dont have one atm I feel kinda wrong there). But I have no relationship with him its just some dude for me.  
The mental hospital said that I should go to some special place to let the diagnosis get verified but idk what to do because my therapist said I cant have it, they said its likely I have it and now im drawn apart. The mental hospital probably knows more about me than my therapist bcs I tell strangers everything about me and with people ik I'm pretty much silent. Or try to kinda not disagree with anything they say. I just say "yes, yes and yes". If that makes sense.  
I also told the mental hospital (which is true) that i never(very rarely) let my emotions out on others i let them out on me. If im angry for example I punch walls or self harm and so on, but I will never ever be aggressive to someone else.  
The Mental hospital before this one diagnosed me with autism, which I do not have at all xD(I was there for 4 months and I just hit 18 back then). But they were so sure. When I told them that I suspect I have a personality disorder my then therapist laughed about me. She said im silly for even thinking that. Who is laughing now :(((((( ?  
This whole situation feels very similar to that. He didn't take me serious on it and now im scared to disappoint his judgment because I know he will tell me what they suspect can not be right. So idk what to do. Because for me this could finally get me the help I need. But i dont want to make my therapist feel bad bcs I'm scared how he will react.  


(/This is out of topic I just want to put this somewhere because I dont know what to do there either/ I have really strong fear that my girlfriend will leave me rn. I told her I will be back in a few days and that I wont respond or text because I need time for myself. But that I still love her;. The whole thing just got to close to handle and I needed to withdraw because I was so afraid shes gone leave me I saw no other way. This whole situation is fucking me so hard because no matter how often she tells me she wont leave me and that she loves me its just not enough the fear dos not disappear and it controls me like always.)