My doctor says that I have Bipolar 1 with psychotic features but he's not entirely sure and thinks Schizophrenia is a possibility. I had a very severe manic episode that lasted 2 years. Then I crashed. I've been on over 60+ medications over the years. Nothing has worked. My cognition is declining and my delusions are still very strong. I've been in this depressive episode now for 3 years. They pulled me off all antipsychotic medication and I'm only on anxiety meds. I read that medications can actually help cognition, such as Clozaril? I'm dealing rapidly, I used to be an intellectual now I'm just a nothing. I'm really not sure how much more I can take. 

The worst part of this is I dove into the Occult World heavy and was actually the top professional tarot reader in my area. I had to resign, because it was all too triggering. The religious delusion, I don't know if I'll ever break. I've lost everything is there any hope?