I have never been good enough for anyone in my life. 

Never good enough for my family, who would constantly call out my faults and pick apart the places where I could improve. Never good enough for my school or work, where I had to take too many mental health days and was never taken seriously. And now, I’m never good enough for my own boyfriend, the one person I care about more than anything in this world. 

I don’t know why I ever thought that even he would stay on my side. 

I can never do anything right. I’ve taken 4 different meds that never fucking worked, and wow, this last one took away most of my suicidal ideation (thanks, Effexor), but I’m so overwhelmed by the smallest things now and I had a fucking mental breakdown in front of my entire family last weekend. I’m not even good enough to hold my shit together anymore.

My ED is spiraling, my depression is back and forth, and now I have panic attacks daily. My bf looks at me like I have a fucking disease. Like I’m a fucking fake. Like I’m using all of this as an excuse and allowing it to consume my soul, simply because I enjoy it. 

I’m on meds. I just signed up for online therapy. I just got a new jig that I actually enjoy for once in my life. The house is a mess, but it’s not as bad as it once was. My animals are alive and well. I am still alive, too. I’M TRYING. 

Regardless of all of that, it will never be enough. And I’m so. fucking. tired.