I have consciously decided that I must come in contact with alcohol once again so I can work on my behavior and BPD. 

I (21F) have my whole life ahead of me and I cannot keep running away from drinking…

Alcohol was a huge trigger for my BPD, it ruined relationships and was an awful emotional vent/coping mechanism. 

I don’t plan on actively drinking again, this will just be a test for me to see if I’m mentally stronger now/capable of living a normal life.

I’m absolutely terrified of what will happen… I’m feeling really overwhelmed at the moment. If anyone has any suggestions on how I should do this or a story of their own I would love to hear it…