This is probably gonna be a long one, just a warning. _x000D__x000D_In the last month I have endured a whirlwind romance with a casual acquaintance I met years ago. We happened to reconnect through tinder and off we went. _x000D__x000D_We both obviously have boundary issues, because within a few days we'd told each other everything. I told him I have borderline and relationships and I don't mix. He told me he was an alcoholic and I stayed anyways, because he made me feel special unlike any man had before. In a week's time we joked about running off and eloping, clearly high as kites on oxytocin. _x000D__x000D_A week later we got in a drunken argument and he choked me, twice. The day after I walked in on him writing out his will because he believed for what he did to me and other things he didn't deserve to live. I sat with him for 7 hours and convinced him not to do it. _x000D__x000D_How many times I should have ran and never looked back, but the crazy infatuation kept me there. _x000D__x000D_The alcohol got worse. I began drinking to keep up with him and we also abused xanax which became the ultimate downfall. _x000D__x000D_Despite being exclusive and having been tested recently he refused to go down on me. He said he loved doing it and did it to his past girlfriends but for some reason with me...he won't. It made me feel so dirty and worthless. I spun out and relapsed into self injury. Mad at myself and mad at him for even coming into my life. _x000D__x000D_Last night we talked for what I imagine may be the last time and he told me he would never want to be with me, but still wanted to fuck me and hang out. I feel worthless. _x000D__x000D_I feel stupid. 