I’m so sick of this shit. Lately I am never calm. Never relaxed. I am most panicked when I have to leave the house. I do it anyways because I have two kids who need to have a fun life that isn’t ruined by an anxious mother, but it is *hard*. Yesterday I took my daughters to a friends birthday party at a trampoline park. Luckily my husband was there too because I panicked. The sounds, the bright lights, ...I started disassociating and panicking. I find going into stores difficult for the same reason. I had epilepsy as a child and outgrew it (no seizures or meds for 15+ years) but it is still a huge fear of mine and always something I fear will happen to me during a panic attack.  I live my life thinking “do I feel weird?” “do I feel like I’m going to faint/die/have a seizure?” And then thinking that I do and panicking. Nothing ever happens and yet the fears never go away. I never feel normal. This is mostly just a rant I guess. I hate anxiety.