I'm really really scared. Scared for my future mostly. Everything is crashing down on me and it feels like there's a huge weight on my shoulders. The pressure it too much to handle. I'm better than I was before, but it makes me feel worse. Makes me feel like everything should be okay now and that the only reason behind me being like this is because I'm being lazy. How do I escape my escapism? How do I stop my head from screaming at me to just go to sleep? To just hide in the safety of my bed for the rest of my life. I don’t want to die, I want to be free. Free from the shackles of the expectations that have been carved into my very being. Free to live my life without having to worry about what other people think of the life I want to be living. I feel like I'm caught in a web I cant free myself from. The constant struggle is just fucking exhausting and stepping outside the comfort of my room makes my head pound. Death feels like my only escape and its terrifying because there's so much I should want to live for. Everyone's trying their hardest to help me but now they all just know that I'm broken. Eventually, it'll be too much and they'll give up on me too. I regret ever getting help because now everyone knows how weak I actually am. At least before I was strong enough to support myself through whatever I was feeling, now I just depend on other people to tell me it's going to be alright. But is it really going to be alright? Do I have to work so hard for the rest of my life just to die in the end anyway? I'm being selfish right? I have everything I need to become who I want to be. So why can't I just step up and do it? Why is it so hard for me to open my fucking eyes and do the work to make myself better. Everyone keeps telling me I'm running out of time and I have to get better before I graduate but it just makes the pressure and tightness in my head all the more painful. What do I do? How do I fix myself?