I’ve been having an on going battle in my family. I’m only 15 but with my bpd ( and the things I’ve experienced as a teen ) I feel that my brain is a little more mature than other kids. 

One of my dreams is to bring light to bpd and make it more common and known since I hardly knew anything about this illness and yet knew everything about all the rest. I called my local dbt group to start in the right direction.

I called and a lady answered. She had to screen me before I could be accepted into the group therapy sessions. For my age, she said that I needed my mom on the phone with me but she asked me a couple more questions. She asked about suicide. 

I gave her the honest answer of that yes I think about suicide constantly but sometimes the urge is stronger at different times. She asked about what method i would use and I said “ Carbon Monoxide “. She seemed shocked by my answers. She went to talk to her supervisor after she asked all the questions and then she came back and said that “ we’re going to finish the test without an adult since you’ve had suicidal thoughts and actions “. 

I just felt shocked because she was treating as a child until I expressed all my knowledge of bpd and how it reflects in my life. Before we hanged up, we wrote down a coping card. Then she said do I feel better about calling? I was really happy that I did. But right after we ended the call, I started screaming and crying and grabbed a knife to cut myself, and just threw it instead. I felt like a hypocrite.