so idk if this might count as PTSD or somethin im not sure but here goes

i have suffered 8 years of verbal bullying in elementary school. ik verbal bullying isnt a big deal, but in my case it fucking traumatized me so much that remembering the same memories started to be more painful but also boring to others that i have to tell my past to over and over and over again. besides the bullies are the reason i want to become a one time murderer (aka giving me homicidal thoughts) and why i dont have irl frens HAHAHAHAH.

ive been thinking of ODing on forgetting pills but recently found another option, shock therapy. im not sure if shock therapy can let you forget but i hope it does cuz im so fucking tired

and no suicide isnt a option in my book yet, there will be a time to take my life and free myself but it isnt in my mindset now. SH is tho, luckily im 1 month free

again idk if this is the right sub i just wanna vent lol