my fp is also my boyfriend. we were out running errands before hanging out for the day. he got a call saying he needed to come in for work (his job is an on-duty type of call and we already knew this might've happened). i have severe attachment and abandonment issues. i don't like that i don't have security with him and that his job takes that away from me. he's now hours away and i'm not sure when he comes back. he left so abruptly and my brain was overwhelmed. i just want to be with him.

but now my brain is doing the thing where i care so much, i stop caring. because it's easier? it's easier than me crying on the floor because i feeling like dying without them. i'm starting to get mad? or a little resentment towards him because of how much i miss him and i feel like he's taking it easier than me. i'm just gonna continue smoking but i need help on learning to stop getting mad when really, inside, i'm just very sad. i don't like feeling like i hate them but when i do, i really don't get them the benefit of the doubt.