Just talked to my favorite person, my professor, on zoom and I feel so awful. He didn’t even do anything he just seemed bored and cold toward me. His laugh was flat and fake and he gave absolutely no indication that he even enjoyed my presence in the least. Why does this matter more than anything in the world to me. Why do I feel like a pile of bricks has been dropped on my chest. My cheeks are flushed. I’m desperate for his approval I swore I had it at one point and now it’s gone. He’s the only one I care about. I’ve been secretly obsessed with him for four years. He couldn’t care less about me.... I can’t handle this. I kept trying to drag out the conversation it’s completely pathetic. WHY am I not appealing to him?! I’ve literally tried soooooooooo hard to be everything he could want I would do anything!!! 

I’m completely inconsolable and it doesn’t make sense to anyone else