To preface this, I haven’t had any clinical issues with mental health or anxiety in the past. I don’t have a big history there. Before now, I felt anxious occasionally in certain uncomfortable moments just like everyone does but nothing that interfered deeply with my daily life. 

That is changed recently. I have a very stressful job. I am a catastrophe field adjuster for an insurance company. I absolutely hate my job. I have been showing sign of anxiety for a while now since taking the job. I was hospitalized due to trouble breathing and chest pain (when I was on my time off) and told I had anxiety when they couldn’t find anything physically wrong. I was still convinced otherwise, how could that be? 

When people including doctors asked me if I was under a lot of stress, my response would be something like “no more than usual”. To me, I was saying stress was a normal part of my life, so why did I suddenly start feeling like this? 

The stress has become a normal part of my life until recently when everything started coming apart. I just can’t cope with it anymore. I think it finally just took its toll on me and I started to break down. Everyone told me I would get used to this job and just not feel anxious and stressed about it anymore but the opposite seems to be occurring. 

I have become extremely over sensitive now to the slightest thing that goes wrong (at work) and I can’t just let it go. I am worried I am doing everything wrong, worried I am getting fired. Despite my manager telling me I am doing good. Overthinking I believe is what that is called. I think of work even when I am off work and it never feels like it’s enough time. I can’t just unplug anymore. I was off an entire month last year and still dreaded going back, even after that long. That is actually when I went to the hospital, I was actually off work. 

In my previous jobs, that was never an issue, time off was refreshing and I was always ready to go back. 

To briefly describe my job, for those of you who aren’t aware of what adjusting is like, there is extensive travel, my work cell phone is always ringing off the hook. The sheer sound of the ring tone gets my heart racing. There is endless work, pressures from the company that just keep mounting and pressures and stress from the customers. They always want you to produce more and more at a better and better quality. There is always a confrontation because your basically telling people they can or can’t have money and you’re on the front lines as an adjuster for an insurance company. It’s a hard job. I work 12-15 hour days. It’s not sustainable. I’ve been an adjuster 8 years now, I’ve been a catastrophe adjuster for 2 of those. The customers and contractors that I deal with on a daily basis are why I hate it the most. They can be mean and nasty. I have trouble letting it roll off. It bothers me to upset people even though I know it’s not my fault and I shouldn’t care. 

The confrontations and upset people griping about money they think they deserve are getting old. 

You can’t ever win or make anyone happy. If you make the customer happy your pissing off the company and vice versa. The company cracks the whip if you pay too much or if you pay to little. The expectation is that literally have to be perfect. 

My reaction to all this is just getting progressively worse. I basically had a breakdown last week after driving 5-8 hours a day for appointments for 10 days straight. At the end of it, even with those crazy commutes between appointments, my manager told me I still wasn’t working enough claims. 

I am completely burned out. 

I do want to quit, but (and this is a big but) I don’t have another job lined up right now. I’d quit now if I could, but where will my income come from? I am actively searching with no luck yet. 

I try to breathe deep, think positive thoughts, but all it takes is one little thing to stress me out completely again. 

Does anyone have any suggestions for helping me see through this?