*Trigger warning

Hi I'm 25 male
All my life i've been obssessed about existince itself and about concussions
I remember even when i was 10 years old asking my mom about everything in life 
Then at the age of 14 due to my fears of those thoughts i developed ocd like symptoms 
And at age of 15 my friend told me that he can read minds which made me alot paranoid of him which lasts for nearly 2 weeks 
.........
After that nothing really big  happened (some solplism ocd and some existenial ocd) 
Until i was 22 when my dad died ... I couldn't resist the anxiety and the panic that happened i couldn't even think about any think but im going crazy 
I started to obsess about it as hell ... No good days 24/7 just obsessing if im crazy or not 
I started to compulsively observing my every thought every word i say every thing i do if its "crazy" or people might think its crazy or not 
After maybe 4 months of that really bad time i started medecine which did it work well after it gave me 2 weeks of constant panic 
After that i started to read and here it comes the horrible part : 
I read litterelly about every single mental illness 
And i could obsess about every symptoms i read 
I was afraid of bipolar ... Dps ... Every mental illness 
......
Until i came to some guys who described the prodromal stage of schizophrenia 
A german scientist called conrad describing what really was going with me ( as being always scared that something might happened at any moment) which he described as (delusional mood) which made me scared As hell
To the point i was convinced that im prodromal schizophrenic
I discused that with my doctor which she refused and said that there is nothing called as prodromal phase 
So i went to another doctor who said that he is 100 percent sure that all im suffering is ocd and im not gonna be psychotic whole my life 
That comfort me a little and he put me on  a salad of medicine 
I took them for nearly 6 months  then everything was better 
But i would have some symptoms that scares the hell out of me :
The most important ones : 
1- Hypnagogic hallucinations which i know they are normal but they were preventing me to sleep
2- voices pop in my mind when im anxious or in bed that would be memory of something i heard at the day or maybe some random phrases that make no sense 
3 - when im walking i would misidentifiy people for a glance ( a second or less) i would see a strange person and im like this is x (some one i know) but after a while a get scared and asking my self (am i really delusional or i just feel that the person looks like x)

4 - some really anomalous self-expirience 
Like sometimes when looking at a mirror i would have a weird feeling which make me panicked for a while
5- when thinking about existince i would literally get panicked and feeling to hit my head on the wall to shake the ideas
6- the solplism ocd made the way through all of this to make me question whether i believe that I'm only the existnce being which would put a barrier between me and others and scared the hell out of me(what if im convinced and being delusional) 
7- illusions ... Alot of them 
8- memory problems
............................
So i was off medicine but last two weeks everything was horrible I couldn't eat sleep or focus or do anything but obssessing and reading ( i read more than 1000 or 2000 scientist articals about schizophren prodrom) and how it is developed : 
And here what convinced me : 
Two scientist are specialized about schizophrena described this illness as a distrubtued of self 
And the mentioned about 57 anomalous self experiences that schizophrena patients described in their prodromal phase 
Which i could really relate to maybe 10 of the experiences 
..........
Second those two scientist described a compulsive mind-observation and the told some examples 
Which i think i can relate 
....
-One patient said that he couldnt hear to radio because she was thinking about the radio waves and its frequency comes to her head 
-And another was obssessing about thinking itself because if he wasn't thinking there he doesn't exist 
- and the last one describes that a simple act such as drinking water madehim think about every little detail to do it like going to kitchen oppening tap have the glass and full it then closing the tap 
.....
The three examples made the patient really anxious and exahusted and have oc symptoms 
And that what it think what is happening to me 
.....
Because litterelly when im walking i would look at a car and say its a car 
Or look at some one and says i know i dont think that man is someone i know but i think he looks like it 
And i know that Hypnagogic hallucinations and illusions are normal but still i got really frightened by them
And after reading about how schizophrinc would take much longer to understand the phrases because they analyse every single world i feel im doing this too
....
 I took ssri and antipsychotic (so low dose) for ocd
That was for maybe a year and half and I didn't recover which fuel the fear more of being at prodromal stage 
......
So the question for everyone with pure o schiz-ocd
Can you relate ? 
Do you ever hear about the ultra high risk people to psychosis and the tools that describe it like (Ease .. Caarms ..blibs... Sips ....sops) 
Or can you relate to the compulsive  mind-observation
.....
Please i need help 
Im in panic state even with my medicine and what should i do if the doctors in my country dont know about prodromal schizophrena alot 
And if this ever happens to you to question everything justs to check if you are being schizophrenic or not