thx. that's a lot better.  
why am I here.  
what point is there in a life where everybody just fucking 'tolerates' me.  
i hate this. I deleted all my social media for a couple months because I knew I needed to just take a break from what everybody else thought and build my own idea of myself up. I did. i liked myself when I went out tonight. guess what. nobody else did. im so. fucking. sick. of being a net negative in everyone that I meet's life. i hate this. I've been bawling my eyes out since I left a couple hours ago. called all of my friends. all fucking FOUR people I think (thought) cared. nobody does. the only people who ever fucking cared about me were previous significant others who tbh never did. Kate did. but I was a shit person then. still am. please just let me fucking die tonight. please. please. please. i fucking beg you. i am laying in a bathtub full of blood. please don't make me wake up