i joined this subreddit last night. i think i’ve always known i’ve had bpd but tried to reason out of it saying it’s just my bipolar with some quirks, or i’m just sensitive. i know it’s something bigger than that, and i was reminded of that last night when something really chaotic happened in my relationship. i wanted to make a post for support because i was really upset but was petrified. 

i can’t even tell if i’m coherent because i’m still upset, but it’s this low aching feeling that won’t go away. i want to ask him for reassurance that i’m okay how i am but i don’t want to be seen as needy or dependent. i’m so afraid of being seen as dependent because i try really hard not to be. i just always feel like i’m imagining my relationship fall apart and it makes me want to cry because there’s no reason for it. i’m just scared of being alone and having it be my fault