Over the years, I’ve gotten pretty used to the things that come with this disorder. It sucks but I’ll deal with it, even if I can’t, haha. However, the thing that gets me most is the jealousy that comes with it. 

   Not all people have this symptom from what I know and I really wish I didn’t. I’m not a very selfish person overall, I don’t think? I barely know who I am as a person anymore, though, which kinda sucks.

  Anyways, as I said, I can deal with all the other symptoms pretty quietly and without freaking out internally. I rarely snap at people (my last anger outburst was two years ago) and I tend to keep my negative emotions to myself for fear of judgement or ridicule, even in a therapeutic setting (such as my counselor’s office or when I’m with my SO). But the jealousy. I keep it to myself, but it just makes me feel so guilty and worthless.

   Whenever somebody I care about dearly (usually not a close friend, we’re talking about partners here, usually — although I did have one friend I was very close to that I’d get jealous over) mentions somebody else that they are close to or something, I get so damn jealous. 

  It makes me feel terrible — why am I like this, jealous for the silliest of reasons? I really want to overcome but I think I need some advice. It’s easily one of the things for me personally that makes life hardest on some days. It’s almost as if I’m constantly comparing myself to that person. I’m not enough. I don’t matter as much as that person. I’ll never be enough. It makes me think nobody cares whether or not I’m here or not.

For those of you who do have this issue as well, how are you working on overcoming it? Of course, it’s a grueling process, but I’m desperate. This is one of the parts of me that I hate most. Every-time I feel a spark of jealousy now, I feel so ashamed.

Any tips? Even if not, I wish you the best of luck. ❤️