I am an extremely co-dependent person. When I say this I really mean it. I am in relationships since I am 17. I was single maximum 2 months.

I don't feel safe alone. Yet I never experience living life when I only care about myself. When I can go to a festival and hookup with somebody if I like. Or just talk and have fun with guys without wondering when will I have to reject them (since I have a bf). Or have sexual experiences which I cannot live with my boyfriend. Anything. Or just go abroad without worrying about him cheating. Really anything!

I have no clue how it is to be single. I don't complain because I might simply would be dysfunctional. But still I wonder.

On top of it I have age anxiety (especially since this pandemic) and wonder whether I will ever really live a colourful life or I will be too old and just regret that I have never lived.

(Age anxiety is extra strong because I never had problems with guys finding me attractive but I know that age doesn't have mercy on anybody and one day I won't be as desirable as I am now.)