I used to be a person before I knew there was something wrong with me. Ever since I’ve become self aware I bury my feelings so hard that I don’t know how I feel about anything now.
I’m just a bland apologetic person who walks around with a smile hoping no one leaves me. 
I don’t want to be self aware I want to be messy. No one cared about me then and no one cares about me now so how does it matter. 
I really wish I could go back to the impulsive unembarassable person who just threw her feelings around- cried about hurtful stuff but moved on - now I’m just bleh I’m just here going with it - never asserting anything