And i cant accept it. I've experienced someone dying a few times and they were all dear to me but those cases cant compare to this. It doesn't mean i didnt love those people but this is just different.  It wasnt suppose to be like this, i cant accept this happening and its causing me so much pain and guild over all. I feel guilty that i am alive when that person deserved to live more than us all. 
It wasn't supposed to be like this.