I’m currently 16 with absolutely nothing in my life worth continuing for. I’ve spent the past years of my early life growing up through trauma and other unwanted experiences. I’ve hit my breaking point these past few months. 

Growing up to this point I’ve never really had a close friend group or a close set of friends like most people. Sure I have school friends but summers and breaks are a dread. In the last three years I’ve tried to combat this many times but to no avail. I’ve put myself out there more, tried talking to new people but I personally feel as if I just seem to be some kind of repellent in a way. Recently as I’m approaching the end of my childhood years this fact has taken a significant tole on my mental health. I look around at all these people I know out there living their best life with their friends going out every night, going to parties, just really experiencing there teenage years and I look at myself, basically friendless, and isolated almost every day, realizing I have just wasted sixteen important years.

You wouldn’t expect me from the outside to feel this way, I set myself up in a way to where it looks like I’m doing alright and I have people and I’m perfectly fine where I’m at. However I’m not, I’m suffering internally and I’m out of options. Nobody I know understands how I feel, forums don’t seem to properly describe it, but I’ve just feel so dreadful realizing I will never get any of these years back and I’ve grown up wasting them with no fun experiences and without any true friends.

I keep trying to go on every day, but there’s not a moment that I wonder just what would happen if I wasn’t here anymore. In this moment I just keep thinking life will get better. I try holding onto this deep hope as much as possible, however I still can’t take back the fact that I’m basically no longer a child anymore, and all those years I have wasted. So here it is laid out, this is my point of no return. I don’t know what I’ll do going on at this point. However I hope what I do will be in my interest.