I have social anxiety, so I usually avoid eye contact. It makes me feel rude, but I can’t really help it- I just get so nervous. 

I went to lunch with my mom and sister, and it was the first time I’d sat down in a restaurant in months, and the first time I’d actually made an effort with my appearance in probably over a year. I wore makeup and tied to dress a bit cute. I still felt insecure, though- like I was ugly. I felt like people would look at me and want to laugh, like they’d think “Who does she think she is, why is she even here?” Sometimes making an effort is more embarrassing. 

Lunch was delicious. I was having a nice time and finishing up, when a guy, probably a little younger than me, but just a bit, came in and sat down with his (assumed) friend who was waiting for him. 

As he sat down, he looked in our direction, and I was the only one facing him, so we made eye contact for a moment- I looked away quickly, but he looked at me like I was any other person, and it was really validating. 

It seems pathetic, to just want to be viewed as “any other person”. But, that he didn’t stare, that he didn’t cringe- it made me happy. He didn’t look at me like I was beautiful, but he didn’t look at me like I was grotesque, either. 

The other day I was reminded that I’m still  person.