Hi all,

Always had nasty anxiety but the last year or so it's become a lot worse. Little bit of context: a year ago I started a new relationship and 10 months ago my mum was in a coma for 6 weeks from Covid and was hours away from dying on multiple occasions. 

Anyway, the last couple of weeks have been out of control, all peaking this weekend. I think it's because I'm becoming more and more obsessive about my sleep - I've been waking up way earlier than I need to and then can't get back to sleep. When I have a bad sleep, I have no tools to deal with anxiety the next day and it often results in a panic attack. The last couple of times, it's even extended to the day after the day after and it's just a permanent state of dread and panic. It's basically like an on-going panic attack (of course it's milder) but it's still extreme. 

I feel the worst thing is how it is affecting my relationship.  She is the kindest person in the world, and is emotional like me. It means that she struggles to separate herself from my issues and gets so upset when I'm like this. Sometimes she's so upset that I don't get the reassurance I'm seeking when I'm at my worst. She is a lovely and happy person, and all I do is bring her down and it can't be sustainable for her. Also, we want to have kids in 3 or 4 years and I don't know how I could do this when I can't function on not enough sleep and when I can't look after myself even.

So far, I'm talking to a mental health officer but it's only every 4 weeks on the NHS. I've tried meditating and mindfulness for so long now but it never seems to win. I've tried taking it easy on my worst days and I've also tried doing things - still really struggle. It just feels like the walls are closing in and I would rather not live to be honest. 

Any advice or strategies from fellow sufferers would be nice.