I'm not entirely sure what happened, beyond the lines I know I crossed at a candle convention, but something happened or enough somethings to seriously piss off a friend I deeply trust. There aren't many people I trust, and despite the fact we disagree on some pretty critical things, I know I can trust him on things other than those topics.

Anyways, with the degree of passed off he is, I'm under the impression that something or some series of things went very seriously wrong.

I thought things went well overall, despite my blunders. I thought this was one of my better times handling that level of stress condensed into such a small timeframe. And he refuses to tell me what I did.

The result has been something like self gaslighting. 

I'm debating intentionally inflicting retrograde amnesia on myself so that I at least forget the past two days. I know it's possible with some kinds of treatment if done soon enough, and I plan to discuss it with my psychiatrist.

What can I do? Do I have options for amnesia? How do I end the ruminations before I become consumed again? I had finally started getting my life under control, and then this shit happens and I can't figure out how bad things actually are or what I should be doing?