I guess the most optimism looking forward I ever had in life was when I was 16 yo. I remember working out, swimming do martial arts and trying hard in school, just embracing life. Then I got sick. I lost a lot of weight and lost my bright attitude for the future. I've been there ever since even 8 years later. I noe live as a ghost a shell of myself hallow in the middle. To be honest my life never even started.