
I feel like I have no hope for anything anymore. I've been battling depression for 15 years, mental illness and trauma has eaten my entire adult life. Just when I started to finally come out and make some progress I got hit with chronic illness. No doctors have been able to help me. I have brain fog and chronic fatigue to the point where some days I can't function, small tasks become insurmountable. I can't lose weight and I'm too tired to exercise more than a walk everyday. My face is covered in hideous acne that no one can seem to get to go away. All the various meds have taken a good portion of my hair. All the trauma from never being understood and having all my friends, family and significantly otherd leave or use and abuse me has made it almost impossible for me to trust anyone and I can't seem to find anyone worth trusting anyway. Everyone just hurts me and leaves. I'm not good enough for anyone. I can't work, I don't enjoy anything, I don't feel anything but pain and hurt in every conceivable way. I have done therapy, I've done doctors, I've done meds, I've had my brain zapped with magnetic waves, I've done psychedelic new treatments and nothing is working. No doctor or therapist can fix me. I'm broken and ugly and there's no hope for me. The thing is I don't want someone to help me. I don't want someone to fix me. I just want someone to make me believe that I'm ok the way I am. That, even with all of this horrible stuff that has stolen my life from me, I deserve to be happy and loved and that it's possible. Because I just don't think it is. I don't think anyone will ever love me or want me the way I need and I don't see any point in going on with a life like this.