Lots of life circumstances have been making things harder than usual for about 3 years straight now. They're going to get worse before they get better. 

Sometimes it helps to talk, but comrades, people have have got to be getting so tired of hearing the same old shit from me. I've leaned on my loved ones for support so much I can see them buckling. They need me to be OK, but I'm not ok. 

Trying to just suck it up. Find little ways to punish myself that won't be obvious and hurt them. Feel better when I do, but that's not healthy. How do healthy people deal with feeling like they're being Thanos-snapped in just the slowest fashion possible? 🤔

Putting this here since I don't want to burden anyone else, and I think you all can understand, my comrades:

I can feel myself disappearing. I'm turning into a ghost and I have to do my best to hide it while I try and find a way to feel better. It's all my own fault so I can't let my loved ones see. Gotta make it. Gotta be stronger. They need a strong person too.