Howdy guys, In the past couple of months I have been feeling that everyone hates me and  I've been telling myself that I'm a bad person.  After every interaction with someone who isn't a close friend of mine, and even sometimes with close friends, I have felt that the interaction was awkward and as I result i convince myself that that person hates me and doesn't want to talk to me anymore.  This type of interaction ranges from taxi drivers that i'll never see again all the way to a girl that I have a huge crush on.  all of these interactions have been pretty normal I think because I can't think of any way I went wrong, but they all leave me feeling a deep sadness and self loathing.  After a couple months of nothing but these types of interactions I began thinking that there might be something wrong with me.  I googled "mental disorders that make me think everyone hates me" and "mental disorders that make me think i'm a bad person" and all that kept coming up was BPD.  I read through the symptoms and some inner monologues and I identify with the monologues and many symptoms but not all of them.  I read that this disorder tends to begin in young adulthood, which is exactly where I am right now.  I read that part where I am convinced that everyone hates me and they are right because I am a bad person.  I read about how this can make it really difficult to deal with romantic relationships.  I identify with all of these. 

 a couple of months ago before all of this was happening I kind of was in a romantic relationship but not really, idk it was really confusing.  Basically I was at this summer camp for a few weeks and there was this really cute girl.  Word had gotten to me that she was into me and I noticed that she seemed to be flirting with me whenever she got the chance.  eventually everyone at the camp "shipped" us but I was too nervous to make a move as normal guy would.  I have been in similar situations before but this time it felt different.  I kept cycling through being overjoyed by the fact that I was almost 100% sure she was into me, and lying alone in my room while everyone else was doing other shit feeling sad after an interaction with her that I had felt was awkward.  Eventually I cracked under peer pressure from some other guys and on the last day of camp I asked her out.  She agreed to go to a movie with me but after that instead of feeling happy I immediately felt extremely stressed, the type of feeling you have right before you are about to take a really important test but you know you haven't studied at all or paid attention in class.  I immediately started thinking that she only agreed because she feels bad for me and she hates me and  thinks I'm a bad person.  I went on a couple of dates with her but every single thing she did, no mater how little, stressed me out and made me feel sad.  Pretty much most of the stuff she did or said made me feel sad and that she hated me.  I must have been acting a bit off because after those dates she completely lost interest and we haven't seen each other since.  After she broke up with me I instantly felt relieved, I started feeling better and I'm totally over it.  She was moving a bit to fast for me anyway.  Now I'm back in school and I feel like all of my teachers hate me, even when I'm doing well in the class, I have a 98% average in one of my classes and I'm still convinced my teacher thinks I'm a dumbass and she hates me.  There is this one girl who I have talked to a bit and it is going pretty well, however every interaction makes me think that she hates me.  She's also really shy and not as forward or fast moving as the last girl, that's part of what I like about her, but I still feel bad.  I don't want to avoid romantic relationships because I still want human company but relationships make me hate myself.  I have also been starting to avoid my friends more.

A symptom I don't identify with is self harm/ thoughts of suicide.  I hate myself but don't see how hurting myself will make it better.  Whenever I am feeling self loathing though I have noticed that I just start lifting weights excessively even when my arms are really sore and tired.  

Thank you if you read all of this.  I don't think I have BPD because the stuff I'm reading in this subreddit seems a lot worse, but I've looked for similar disorders and this seems like the closest thing.  Mabye it is still developing?  I have only been feeling like this in recent months.