from a young age i was good in academics. not because i loved subjects but because my father punished me for bad marks. so i always got good grades. however i scored least during my college admission test(called jee in india). since then my fathers calling me useless and a burden and pressures me to take a drop or top my college. I gave my best but still didnt get top spot. he compares   me with my topper relatives and says i should have never existed . i feel sad all times and have lost all interests. i feel useless and sometimes think of ending it all. i told my parents mentally i feel ill but they call it an excuse. i have no friends or nothing.there is no joy. life feels like burden