My partner saw me have a panic attack after an interaction with my mother. They left me alone after I asked bc it’s just embarrassing and adds to all the other intense emotions. I have been good with not sh as a coping strategy but last night I revert back to hitting my legs. I guess my otter heard and ran in. I was just more embarrassed and asked them to leave again. They’ve been pretty understanding and this isn’t something that happens often for me anymore. 

Cue to this evening, I was rubbing my forehead and said “it hurt, as though there was a bruise underneath” (more likely just tension in my forehead but this was my description). My partner responded by saying to me that we both knew why it hurt making reference to me hitting myself in the face. I had previously disclosed to them that I had done that in the past but have switched to hitting my legs so it was less harmful. In that moment I shut down bc I was raging at what I perceived as a very insensitive comment. They also know that my last partner used my bpd against me and I’ve been very hurt in the past by that.

They live with me and right now I just want to be alone forever bc of this. It reinforces that being with someone and trusting them with these very deep and personal things. It’s exhausting.