I can't believe I'm even saying that. Is it even possible? Throughout the entire years of not speaking to this person, of not being near them, I miss them. 

"You have black and white thinking," my therapist says. I didn't realize how true that statement applies to someone who tore a part of me I never knew I had. 

How could I miss someone who I spent all these years despising? And how am I coming to terms that they themselves are human too? That the things they've done aren't that bad? I never once missed them, or the friendship we had, but all of a sudden after all those grueling, long, years, I miss them.

Would I be happier if I never met them? Would I be in a better position in life? Would aspects of me be much brighter? Would I not wince at joy and rather accept it? Were the nights that I spent carving into my skin not of any significance anymore? Why do I miss you? For once in my life, I just hope you're doing alright.