Hey! 

So this is my first ever post (27, F) my abbreviated story is that I was misdiagnosed 10 years ago with depression and anxiety but was then diagnosed with bpd almost 2 years ago. 

After 2 years I'm finally in some sort of treatment program - it's called Stepps (has anyone heard of it or participated in it? Would be great to hear other experiences and get some advice). I find it very triggering but ultimately I hope it will be helpful. 

I had been getting to a better place, I've lost 31 pounds now in 5 months and was managing to get out of bed and not have to cancel days much. Now it feels it's all come crashing down and everything is a struggle. I keep hearing recovery isn't linear and if I'm honest I wanna punch someone whenever I read that - because I don't want to relapse because I don't want my life to be like this anymore, I'm working so hard, I ended what was the most unhealthy, self destructive and subjugating relationship that mascaraed as my most elaborate method of self harm. I'm living healthier and trying to make plans for the future. Does anyone else get to a good or better place an then suddenly and without warning, getting up, saying awake, showering, doing dishes etc all seems like an intense struggle? I'm fighting harder than I've ever fought to not give in. I was just hoping someone might have advice or shared experience. 

Also this all coincided with my contraceptive implant nearing the end of its life - I'm currently on my third period in less than a month. I feel that is quite a lot of the problem - has anyone else ever had this experience? Or can relate to period and bpd connection? 

I'm dating again and trying not to be self destructive, I've realised that I only ever pick / date the men I know it wouldn't work out with. I think In a way I'm protecting myself but also damaging myself. Does anyone have advice on this? On the bright side though I purposely went on a date with someone who could be a possibility and it went really really well! 

I know lots of topics! Sorry 🙈 