I've been self-aware that I'm sick mentally even as a child. However, the time I've reached my lowest was when I've been severely depressed back in my first year of junior high school. It came to a point where I tried suicide by drowning myself on multiple occasions. I also liked the feeling of blades near my wrist but never attempted to leave cuts. I strangled myself whenever I take baths hoping to get suffocated but I never left marks to avoid suspicions. Being asked "what's wrong?" by my family was always bothersome to answer because I know one question only leads to another which also leads to accusations and who to put the blame because everyone believed growing up, I had a "good life" and was raised "normal".

I managed to survive without any therapist's guidance through self-therapy but that's just me putting up an illusion for myself. I feed myself all the sweet lies to hold back all my urges to greet door's death, however I don't know for how long I'll be keeping up with this facade. 

I'm afraid I've grown to be a really twisted adult and should've just killed myself back then when I was given the chance.