I want to start off by saying I was diagnosed with bipolar a year ago.

I was manic for 3 years due to being given 2 antidepressants at once as a 15 year old. 

Now I’m 21 and I have PTSD due to what I’ve done and what happened to me.

I lost years of my life acting foolishly and I was the clown of the school, I got expelled and lost my friend at that time because of how unstable I was. 


Now I am traumatized beyond words, I feel inferior, I feel avoided, I feel shame and guilt 


I was rude to other people who used to make fun of me, I’ve always been bullied as a child but never stood up for myself except when I was manic. 

Whenever bullied I replied with an even worse reaction and that made everyone hate me. 

I looked different, acted different and dressed differently because simply I was manic and that made them pick on me even more. I had short black hair, piercings and I was very pale and that to Middle Easterns is the stereotypical “feminist lesbian” as they used to call me..

They used to call me a “slut” just because of the way I dressed while I actually never had a boyfriend or did anything..


I stopped my medications and I became a much better person who is stable and surprisingly now I can feel empathy and I can function normally..

I lost a friend at that time because she didn’t like how I changed after medications 


I contacted my friend and asked for her forgiveness and told her that I changed and that I’m sorry if I ever caused her harm. We were talking about something that happened about 5 years ago and I didn’t even want to rekindle the friendship again. I just apologized and told her I miss our times.

She was very rude to me, told me that I was a mess and she didn’t want to deal with me and my “atheism” she’s a devoted religious muslim.

She told me that we’re better off and that she doesn’t want to be friends again even tho I didn’t even mention that at all. 

I just wanted to apologize and that’s it..


I feel heartbroken and ashamed. I just wanted her to tell me if she accepts the apology or not and done. I didn’t even ask her to rekindle anything..


I feel so ashamed of myself and what I’ve done over the years.. she knows I was abused as a child and she mentioned that she couldn’t handle that and I understood but it made me feel very vulnerable to be rejected by someone who knows a lot of details about me and sees me as “damaged” 


I am in a much better place than most of the people who bullied me, I look much better, I’m admired and liked by lots of people now but I can’t help feeling inferior and ashamed because of my past and my childhood..



I regret opening up and being honest, I regret even apologizing. I regret ever going to a therapist…



How can I get over that?