Warning: Wall of text

I have been seeing a psychiatrist for, I guess, four years now. My first doc, after one session, diagnosed me with Bipolar I. I moved from the area shortly after and started seeing a new Dr. He confirms the diagnosis. Going to be honest, I quit taking my meds a year ago. Why? Because I lied. I lied about mania, or more so, the frequency. I had an episode back in my first year of college where I was working 7 days a week for, normally, 12 -14 hour days, leaving work at around 2:00 AM every morning. I had 8:00 AM classes. Therefore, I slept very, very little. This is, honestly, the only instance I could say was remotely close to full blown mania. At the time, I was unaware of what BPD was. I had heard about it, but I tried to stay away from reading too much into these types of things, in an effort to not self diagnose. (Let me take this time to say that I am not self diagnosing myself, nor looking for a diagnosis from anyone on this subreddit.) Why did I lie? I don't know... I was in a relationship at the time and I suppose I wanted an excuse for my unorthodox and disruptive behavior. That was wrong and I know that. This relationship went on, but the behavior persisted (extreme rage, mass destruction of property, self harm, irrational and obsessive thoughts, insomnia etc.) which eventually led to the end of the relationship. Throughout the most of this, I was taking my medication as prescribed, but the problems persisted. I talked to my Dr. about intermittent explosive disorder (I read too much into it, but hey, it sounded plausible. Although now I am aware that IED can not be comorbid with mood disorders). His response was, "Let's not start diagnosing ourselves with things." That's fine, I agree, but during all of this very little was done to combat the most destructive part of my life, my explosive rage. While on a Wikipedia binge, I stumbled upon BPD. Again, not self diagnosing, but Jesus, these are the symptoms I have. I mean, exactly it. Sure, I share some with bipolar I/II, but not as many. I'm not a psychiatrist, not even close, but how can I bring this up with my Dr who did not want to discuss the probability of another disorder? I'm scared, because as I previously stated, I exaggerated a bit when talking with him before. I like the guy as a person and he's a very good doctor, but I am not getting better. I have destroyed every relationship (friendship or romantic) by my rage outburst or my isolation. Guys/gals, I just don't know what to do, or who to talk to about this. I'm lost, I'm lonely, and I'm scared. I'm scared that my future will consist of this loneliness, due to me constantly driving those close to me away. Wow... Rant over. If you made it this far, thanks for reading and I hope you all are doing well and have a wonderful weekend. 