Hello fellow BPD people! I’ve been in a relationship for the past 4 months with this girl. Since we moved in, I find everything she does really annoying and gross and I want to break up with her. 
At the same time, I feel like I need her and I think i would miss her if we’d break up. I feel like I need her social network support cause I have this feeling that I cannot do things on my own. So if she would leave, I would feel helpless. 

She gaslights me into thinking that this is not what i really want, that this is bpd. But I kinda come back to this everyday. 
Is this self sabotage behavior? 
How do I know what I really feel? 
She made me not trust what my mind thinks anymore.