Depression is more than just depression. It can dictate pretty important decisions in your life, like having children. I’m not fit to be a mother, and I wouldn’t know how to show a child how to navigate this scary world when I’m barely doing so myself. Despite being young, I date older people who already have grown children or who don’t have children and are past their “prime” because I don’t want to disappoint someone when they realize that a future with me is quite different from the typical “house, children, white picket fence”dream. I often think to myself if I weren’t depressed if I’d be maternal and nurturing..if I’d be a normal woman. 

I’m getting my tubes removed soon and I’m at peace with it. I rather be sad and alone than sad with kids.