Hey guys,
I am posting on this forum hoping there will be someone who can understand me.
I have been a student of architecture at a good university in London for the past three years. I should have graduated by now, but the bpd had taken control over my life for the past year and a half.
I have failed the degree. The worst part of it is that I only began to seek help in the last two months.
I was really ambitious in the beginning and doing quite well, especially having a part time job as a security steward at summer events. I made some good friends and I was working hard. Then in the middle of the second year something changed. Suddenly I felt out of control. I stopped going to work. I stopped studying. I kept asking my parents for money and I was spending too much, I was also really rude towards my peers and tutors.
Things have been going on like this for a year and a half. Nobody from my family abroad has noticed that there was something wrong as I kept texting them I'm fine when actually I was living in hell.
I kept passing the portfolio based subjects with minimal effort.
But my wellbeing and relationships with peers were getting worse and worse. Finally in the last semester of the third year I stopped bringing any work to university. My health has worsened and my perception of reality was really distorted. I felt so disconnected, I could not trust anyone. I did things which scare me, self harm and neglect my basic needs. Finally I saw a counsellor and went back home after having failed two subjects and offended the teachers and other students who I used to be really good friends with.
Now I am staying with my parents who are really concerned with my condition and not really understanding what has happened with my life. I was once a happy, successful, good looking student. 
Over the last few weeks I saw many of my high school friends. They have matured. I can't tell where have I been for the last year and a half. I began to ask myself "who am I?". I really don't know anymore...
I will see a psychiatrist here next week. See if it's going to help.
My concern is, I wanted to live a happy and fulfilling life. It really scares me that I have wasted such a good degree. I don't know what can I do about my career now that my architecture portfolio only reflects a borderline state of mind. 
