I just don't care anymore. I don't necessarily feel suicidal but I'm just fking tired of being here. I watch all good moments pass and feel none of it. I'm currently 18 and I've been depressed since I was 11. Not a single adult ever cared about me, I used to cut my wrists in hopes of someone noticing and they all saw and didn't care. All day I try to cheer up my friends and be there for them and I understand they don't want to do the same, I'm mental and it isnt fun talking with me. I went drinking with my friends this weekend and at one point my best friend just looked at me and said "you're really fucking crazy. I don't know what to do with you" and walked away. I see everyone around me having  a good time and not being able to feel included or enjoy it. I really don't want to live anymore. I've had a couple of failed suicides and I'm starting to regret failing again. I don't know whatvtodo