hi all! i’m new to this subreddit and posted this as a comment earlier but really need some guidance...

i haven’t been actually diagnosed with bpd but over the years have been diagnosed with depression, anxiety/panic disorder, bipolar, adhd, and ptsd, been hospitalized multiple times, and been on just about every possible combo of meds. but i’ve still always struggled and medication + CBT hasn’t seemed to help me that much. i’ve recently begun a relationship with a great guy but my mental health has declined rapidly with the development of this relationship, not by any fault of his but because of me—intense jealousy/suspicion, severe splitting, shame from past sexual promiscuity as self-harm, etc. i’m sure a lot of this is ptsd from past shitty relationships but i’ve done a lot of research on bpd and everything i’ve read sounds EXACTLY like me. 

with these issues, have you found it helpful to tell your SO about your diagnosis/symptoms? i feel like it could be helpful but also know he will think i don’t love him if i explain that i want to break up with him twice a week because i suddenly don’t trust him and hate him. how do you explain that to someone without this disorder? i just don’t want to hurt him and i’m selfishly afraid of seeming “crazy” if i tell him how badly all of this is affecting me. 

i almost want to be like “if i try to break up with you don’t let me” but that seems so unhealthy and i’m so worried about becoming a toxic partner because of this emotional rollercoaster i’m on 24/7. any advice would be greatly appreciated. sending love to all of u!!!