I (37F) had been happily dating a man (38M) for a couple months and it felt easy, calm, comfortable. He initiated the exclusive talk, he sent lots of happy texts and would call me regularly in between dates, and it felt solid because of deep talks about anxiety and therapy and growth. We fell into a natural rhythm together almost immediately and it just felt GOOD. 

But he ended it suddenly saying he didn’t feel the emotional connection to me, which troubled him bc he knows I’m a caring kind person and my goodness actually makes him uncomfortable since it’s not what he’s used to. He said he felt a pull to women prior that ended up being bad matches for him, so logically he was struggling with not feeling connected to me when I had done everything right in his opinion. He did the noble thing I suppose and ended it, saying he couldn’t drag me into his need to process this. It stung but I also got it. 

So I gave it a week, wrote a letter and mailed it. A real note, on real paper, with real intent. I explained that past unhealthy relationships had made me react to kindness with anxious feelings before but I squared with those issues and am now open and emotionally available. I extended the olive branch and gently called his bluff, saying if he felt nothing then to crumble my letter; but if he felt something different that he didn’t know how to deal with because I’m not exhibiting push/pull anxious/avoidant dynamics, then let’s talk. 

I’m smart enough to let a man walk away if he chooses to, but I’m also wise enough to reach out with compassion when I recognize my own past behavior. I shot my shot. My guy friends were impressed and thought it was a helluva gesture, my girlfriends said it was a movie quality moment in this text message age. And now I wait, and I have to be ok if I’m met with continued silence or if he contacts me again. 

TLDR - I shot my shot by hand writing a letter to a man hoping for rekindling, and I’m struggling to keep my mind open yet ready to move on. Any tips or feedback would be appreciated… thanks anxious friends…