First of all to clarify i havent been diagnosed with any mental illness mainly because i havent seen a psychiatrist or a therapist. Im highly concerned that i might have borderline. 
I keep reading that the causes of BPD are: Emotional abuse
Physical abuse
Neglect by parents
Separation from parents (death or desertion)
Witnessing of abuse within the family

I have experience every single one of those. The thing is...I DONT WANT TO REMEMBER! 
I get flashbacks sometimes from bad scenes but i really dont wanna dig in. Its painful. 

I know im not diagnosed and hope im not..