As embarrassing as it is, I’ve always found it easier to see negative/unhealthy traits in other people. When the negativity comes from me, it’s easy to justify due to the emotions entangled with it; however, seeing them from the outside makes it much easier to recognize. 

I watch a lot of 90 Day Fiancé, and though I’m sure some of it is scripted, I see a lot of toxicity between the couples (considering how drama-filled all reality TV can be). I can easily see manipulation, emotional outbursts, unhealthy coping mechanisms, bad fighting habits, etc. and when I’m able to analyze these behaviors, I can also reflect on mine and see/compare the similarities. It was obviously a hard pill to swallow, but recognizing my bad behaviors by blatantly seeing it be done by others have helped me to put a stop to mine during fights with my partner. And as a matter of fact, our fights have significantly improved through this.

No, it’s not a miracle cure, and some of us still need therapy, but what I retain from the shows always pops up into my head now when I’m using negative coping mechanisms during fights and breakdowns. When you make a connection between you and others you’ve witnessed being toxic, it’s much easier to recognize that you’re doing the same, and it’ll encourage you to diverge from the negative actions to using more positive coping mechanisms.