Here i am, a bit trembling from cold and anxiety. I keep getting attacks when i am under the shower.... I hate when i have to shower because my heart stats pounding Faster, and i don't know if it's the Heart, or a Heart Attack. This time i "recovered" Faster, and It felt like i was shutting down. Why do i keep thinking those things? Everytime. I know thinking makes me feel this way, WHY DO I KEEP THINKING ABOUT DEATH, HOW OTHERS WILL REACT, HOW SHAMED I WOULD FEEL IF I HAD TO ASK FOR HELP, THEN DISCOVER IT'S ANOTHER FUCKING ANXIETY ATTACK, FUCK ME. Just the other day i made a step foward, why do i keep going back?... I felt so good a month or 2 ago...then i had to go to the hospital because my heart started skipping Beats, extrasystol or what their name Is. Notting important, but there was ANOTHER sleepless night of that, and It crushed me again. My GF, She Is so nice with me...but She can't hold my fucking ass for ever. I feel so bad Just thinking about this... I Lost so many years of my Life because of this, i don't want to lose her too...God damn...
FUCK ANXIETY.