I recently began to recover after a severe nervous breakdown following a breakup at the end of September. Still hurts like a bitch though. By the way, possible TMI below.

Anyway, I’ve noticed that over the years, this has gotten a bit more prominent: I tend to get crushes on people very easily and quickly, without warning. Even in the most inappropriate setting, such as group therapy. I flirt with pretty much every attractive woman I come across, and it’s usually totally subconscious. They can range from my age (19) all the way into the 50s. I just flirt with every woman that’s attractive, as long as they’re not in my family of course, but other than that, no matter what. I usually don’t even notice I’m doing it. When I do notice I’m being flirtatious, though, I become super self conscious and then it just becomes more obvious.  It’s really annoying.

I have noticed a pattern among the majority of my crushes: they’re all older. Even as a child, I crushed on Kesha, Avril Lavigne and many others. I’m 19 years old currently, and they are both now in their 30s. I enjoy being the younger one in the relationship; I like feeling nurtured and stuff. Me and my most recent ex had a partial (not all the time; we interacted as a normal couple most of the time) MDLB (Mommy Dom Little Boy) relationship so I’d call her Mommy a lot. But we’re both switches, so sometimes we switched to DDLG (Daddy Dom Little Girl) and she’d call me Daddy. But if I had to pick between the two, I’d say that I enjoyed being the little one (MDLB). I naturally have some childlike (and, let’s face it, childish) behaviors and traits. I still have a bit of a baby face too, so I pull it off well lol. My attraction to older women has been a running joke between me and my friends. Usually, my crushes are somewhere around my age, only a year or a few years older, but some are WAAAAYYYYYY older, to the point that a relationship with that person would certainly raise eyebrows. For instance, my oldest crush is probably Linda Blair, who is literally just 1 year younger than my mom. Yikes. I also have a growing crush on one of my college professors, and she’s in her 50s (though she looks like she’s in her 30s).

At the beginning of my breakdown, I wanted nothing to do with sex and I didn’t have a crush on anyone, at least not to the point where I’d get into another relationship because I wanted no one but my ex back. Both things are very, VERY, concerningly uncharacteristic of me: no interest in sex and no interest in romance are just not me at all. Not to make myself sound like a man hoe, lol. But recently I experienced sudden hypersexuality (not unusual for me) and so now I’m sexually acting out a lot, and fantasizing a lot about sexual things as well as ruminating on sexual experiences with my ex as well as past exes.

I know this post is all over the place, but I was wondering if anyone related to any of this? Do any of you get crushes easily, which become intense quickly and then suddenly they’re all you think about? Are you excessively flirtatious around the opposite sex (or same sex, depending on your orientation)? Do you find yourself being attracted to older people? Let me know, I feel so weird lol