so i am 21 i’ve had suicidal ideation since i was 12. always wanted to cease to exist. i started going to therapy about 8 months ago, it has helped me learn so much about myself and the world. i was very naive before going, now i see how the world is truly a dark and painful place, and that depression never gets better, we just learn ways to cope. i do not want to cope anymore. i do not get sad anymore, or happy, or depressed. i don’t feel anything at all. my only thoughts are of killing myself. i think of it all day every day for about 2 months now. the only thing stopping me is guilt for leaving my family, as they are already very traumatized. how do i get over this block? sincerely i think i will be saved by death. so please dont tell me i deserve more because i do not deserve the suffering of this life. i don’t think anyone does. but if anyone has any tips of how to release the people pleasing so i can do it, please let me know. i am tired