Last year I found a little kitten who was crying alone in the cold. I took her in and fed her kept her warm, treated her allergies. I named her itto. She grew up to be a beautiful cat. She slept on my chest, understood what I said, she loved me dearly and I loved her. 

She had been sneaking out of the house recently and I tried my best to close every nook and window. But I don't know how she snuck out at night. I heard some dogs barking and fighting at night I went out from the window to see but it just looked like they were jumping around and barking. I tried looking for itto everywhere I couldn't find her. 

This morning the neighbors drove there car away and there she was under the car, laying lifeless, some furr off of her back. I couldn't bare to look at her properly. I'm so heart broken I just hope she wasn't in too much pain and she passed quickly. My poor little baby. My hear hurts so much. 

I already suffer from depression and my life isn't exactly going good. This has taken a toll on me. I'm not able to work. I'm looking for someone who can help me with her burial but there's no one. I just hope the other people in the street don't throw her in the trash. 

 I have another cat and she is a persian breed she doesn't go outside at all. Her name is Yuki. Yuki and Itto would always play together. Yuki keeps meowing everything trying to find Itto. 

I feel so heart broken I don't know what to do. I keep thinking I should've just locked her in the room at night. Or I should've checked again and again. What if she was still alive and I could do something. So many things going in my head. 

I had lost a kitten last year when a huge male cat came into our house and attacked him. His injuries were bad and he passed away. He was a stray kitten as well. Left by his mom and was crying in the corner of the street.

I'm not sure what I'm rambling at this point but I just feel awful right now.