I’m struggling to see hope even though I keep getting told that it is treatable with DBT and more therapy etc.

I started DBT and sometimes I’m like “No, I can’t,” and then I’d be “Crap, I need this,”

But I’m here now and think, I am in emotional mind and I can’t deal- I just can’t deal

This pain, this emptiness, this lack of self-identity is very real.

I try convincing myself I’m misdiagnosed (because I have had psychiatrists who disagree between BD/BPD for me) and I myself suspect someone else..

But when today flung open where I couldn’t manage just (bored emotion -&gt; anger emotion -&gt; sad emotion) within 1 hour-

And like I have had a big trigger and all the black-and-white thinking of 
1) Nothing’s going to change
2) I am a failure
3) Life is so unfair and I don’t want this

And I am affected when the person I overly-depend on is asleep and I struggle to self-soothe: 

I’m like, crap this is BPD right? 

It’s freaking 1:23am now, I am battling stupid thoughts, I am procrastinating to sleep, I have been affected by multiple triggers, I have job applications deadlines due tomorrow otherwise my unemployment will get cut and I don’t want to miss my DBT group therapy tomorrow etc.

All this pains

TLDR / CAN ANYONE WITH BPD OR REDUCED TRAITS TELL ME THEY‘VE MADE IT AND HOW :’)

DBT has been stupid and helpful in the same time