Just functioning as a human is hard. What's the point in dragging myself uphill when the future looks so bleak? I have made so many mistakes that I'm paying the price for. So many opportunities I just squandered. It feels like it's too late for me to make up for any of it. I feel like I'm such a loser, and that it's impossible to ever even tolerate myself, let alone like myself. It's one of my biggest detriments.

I don't even know who I am. I don't know what thoughts I have about myself are actually based in reality or just my weird delusional thoughts. I'm afraid to open up to people, and feel like such an outsider. So I further isolate myself, convince myself that everyone hates me. Or stop talking to people mid sentence, because I just have moments where I just realize that they probably don't even care anyways. It sounds so pathetic to even type it out.

I just wish that I could be stable like everyone else around me seems to be. I wish I was smart enough to help myself.