Why is it when things are going alright that I have to destroy them? Why is it that I'm pushing him away when he's done virtually nothing wrong?

I feel like it's a different side of me. Passive aggressive. Sarcastic. Pushy. And it's like, I get on a roll with my snide remarks, then I just get mean. Really mean. It gets worse. I get angry. This is usually where I'd yell, but him and I were texting. I deleted and re-typed it so many times, because each way sounded awful ("you will NEVER be able to pull a fast one on me. Ever." "I'm not an idiot, stop trying to think you can pull shit over on me", etc). 

And guess what? He hasn't pulled anything over on me. Not a thing  I am mad at him for something he hasn't done. All day, getting progressively worse. Now I feel like I've snapped out of my anger. And I feel like scum. And it's always like this. It's like this with everyone in my life, to some degree. Why do I sabotage myself? It's almost like I'm pushing myself to become depressed enough to kill myself. For years I've been doing this shit. I'm incapable of being happy in a relationship. I'm incapable of being happy. It has to be a whirlwind of intense crap that I cause. 