Christmas has always been horrible in my house and these past few days have been some of the worst ever. In general, this year has been complete hell for me physically and mentally. My brother came home from college super aggressive like always. He gets so angry every holiday and birthday. My mom and I decided that we should just not say anything and let him just do whatever. That has been going okay(sort of). Though, he is constantly cursing and threatening and calling me worthless and that I have no future. Just a lot of stuff in general. On Christmas Eve, we saw my a family member for for a few hours and then went home. My mom asked him to wash his hands and take off his boots. He started getting abusive and cursing at her.  I felt like I had enough and told him to do it. My mom worked so hard cleaning and I didn’t want him tracking mud and salt in either. Instead of doing the right thing he ran upstairs,got  mop and attacked me with it.  My dad just stood there and let him him do it. He then went and kicked my mom really hard.  My dad just watched him do it again. My dad told us that it was our fault for rising him and causing the problem. Today, my mom and I made dinner and opened presents by ourselves.  My father and brother still hasn’t opened them. My dad actually ate the meals and never thanked us nothing. An hour ago, He blamed me for ruining christmas and called Me an asshole. I then reminded him of the time he hit my mom with a hammer on Christmas and he said that didn’t happened. But I have evidence. He told me that I can’t be in his house after I graduate as well as some other threats. I just stopped talking after that. He has never stepped in to help with my brother or do anything. He is an abusive bastard and this is why my brother is an abusive adult. My brother is also mentally ill Because of what has happened in the house. 

I have really bad health and have faced so many difficulties this past year. I have to take a final in January and I don’t how I’m going to study if I’m stressed out and afraid that I’m going to be attacked or kicked out.I’m also chronically ill and I have experienced so many issues  with that for weeks.  I don’t have any friends and I don’t have a good family. I so badly want friends and family. I have to work 100 times harder in school and I’m exhausted all day everyday. I just want to do well and prove my dad and brother wrong. I feel so depressed and isolated in general because of all the shit I have to deal with. I don’t know what I’ve done to deserve this treatment. I’ve had no life. I have no confidence or self esteem. I just want some kind of happiness and stability. 

I’m sorry if this is hard to understand. I just feel panicked and upset .