One of my parents took their own life. Instead of grieving properly I did a bunch of drugs and alcohol. I was at the top of my class and threw away a scholarship because drugs and depression. Let everyone down. Got an average factory job and lived an average and disappointing life. 

Got sober and focused on my long term relationship as a crutch and coping mechanism. Shortly before the wedding discovered she cheated on me with 9 different people. 

More fucked up on cocaine and alcohol than I ever been. No tolerance and I’m in the middle of a binge. Thought I OD tonight but I’m okay now. 

Month of therapy and anti depressants still getting worse. What’s the point of life if it’s mostly suffering. Some people aren’t meant for this world and I’m one of them