I (28F) and my (32M) boyfriend have been together for 1.5 years. We have broken up and gotten together within hours to days multiple times during our relationship. We have recently tried starting up couple's counseling but we're going to see another counselor so idk how exactly that will be. I had suggested couple's counseling 6 months into our relationship but effort was not put into actually trying to go until I had an "infidelity" in October of last year. Our counselor had to go into chemo and we hadn't been able to go back since March 21.

Anyways, the last couple of weeks have been really hard. He's unemployed/receiving some disability and I've been working everyday 8-14 shifts to make the bills meet. He says he's trying to find a job but he has said that for a month without actually putting in an application. Most of the time, he's in his head but today sparked a question that had my thoughts on doubt.

He told me, "I'm so overwhelmed with the blame that has been put on me." I asked him what blame and he said, "not having a job, not contributing around the house, how I treat you, making you feel like you can't eat". I asked him if the things he was getting blamed for, were they true? Did he do it? And he said yes but that I can't imagine how it feels to be placed blame on all the time. 

Now, I know that's not true because the night before last night, he got mad at me and accused me of having something going on with the security officer because I said, "have a good night" in passing. He spent the entire night mad at me saying he's starting to talk to someone and how he knows what my MO is (which when he gets mad at me, tells me he's been cheating on me, it's always a lie). 

I'm having a hard time handling this without it sounding so one-sided but I can't exactly be like, "awe, it's okay, everybody treats everybody like dirt. You'll do better tomorrow." I feel like just sitting there being like, "everybody blames me for not having a job" while not trying to get a job is unreasonable. How are you supposed to talk to someone who is so self deprecating that they use that as an excuse for why they don't do something? How are you as the person mainly affected by their actions and their unwillingness to consider your feelings, supposed to cuddle them while telling them you are emotionally abusing me or taking advantage of me?