I am clinically depressed for almost 4 years now. Though I have had episodes of self harm and dissociation ever since I was 13. I'm 31 now. 
I got married to my best friend 3.5 years ago. We were so happy when we fell in love. We started living together within a month of falling in love. He proposed to me in the most beautiful way. I started to prepare for the wedding. 
But just 2 weeks before the wedding I started to feel immensely unhappy. I spoke with my close friends and family and my fiance and we all thought it's just anxiety because I was about to take such a big step in my life. 
The morning of my wedding day, I kept crying in the bathroom of my fiance's friend's house where I was supposed to get my hair done. 
It wasn't that I didn't want to get married or was anxious. I was plain sad that I wasn't able to feel happy on such a beautiful day. 
Life started to go down the drains. I lost my confidence to meet people and I couldn't work anymore. 
I then went to a psychiatrist(who's my mother in law's colleague. I was put on trazodone. Within weeks my husband couldn't recognize me. My personality had changed severely. I was absent minded and distant from all my friends and family. Depression wasn't better either. 
Only 6 months ago I started to feel better after having switched countries and treatments thrice and then finally stopping medications. 
But now, it's spring here and so is Depression. 
I was lost my life. I am a totally different person. I can't work because I can't be around people in general. I sleep 12 hours a day just to avoid facing life.
I don't feel safe ever. I feel utterly lonely and yet never at peace. My best friend, husband is trying his best each day but I feel like we live in he'll everyday just because I'm mentally sick. 
No one is bad but my life is so difficult. There's no happiness. 
People say it comes in waves. In my case it's just darkness every moment of every day.