I feel like I could kill everybody. My birthday was a few days ago and I had a fancy dinner planned with my boyfriend. I had this dress I bought in December for my birthday and I got all dressed up. Boyfriend will do anything for me if I just communicate it to him. I didn’t ask him to dress up and so he didn’t. What did I do? Flipped my shit. I turned it into “he doesn’t even love me because he doesn’t want to dress up for this special day”..... I apologized for throwing a fit.

I know this keeps happening.

Then tonight is Valentine’s Day. We finally do the fancy dinner and dress up. And the foods not as great as I wanted and I’ve been feeling sick lately because I’m struggling with bacterial overgrowth in my belly...anyways, we’re leaving the restaurant tonight and he says “ha I went on one tinder date with one of the waitresses”. I’m a jealous wreck. I’m obsessing where did they go on their date. Did he want to go on a second date and she rejected him? Am I just a pity girlfriend (we’ve been dating for 8 months...) like on and on and on. Why the FUCk am I jealous? It makes no sense. Just like last night he mentioned how his ex got a new golden retriever puppy and you know what I’ve been doing? I’ve been obsessing about that too. What does he look at her posts on Facebook all the time and just wish to be with her? Is he still in love with her? 

What. the. fuck. Is. Wrong. With. Me.

Why cant I just be happy??? I put myself in a sour mood EVeRY single day lately. I don’t know why he even puts up with me anymore. 

I hate myself.