I've always struggled with anxiety but past few months have been horrible. It feels like no matter how much I try to get better, something fucks it up. I woke up early, planned my day, I started cleaning my room for the first time in a while, had a nice breakfast. I had decided to fight again, one more day.  

But fuck I had some water and it tasted like plastic which sent me head first into a two hour long and still continuing rumination/mild panic attack. Thoughts like "what if I ate plastic in the breakfast and it would stick to my intestines" and "what if it's covid because I heard that for some people everything tasted and smelt spoiled". Healthy anxiety fucking sucks. 

Can you ever be free of this burden? Is there anyone here who could say at least they are better? Why are we cursed with this shit? I'm now sitting in a half cleaned mess of a room, can't do anything, just sitting. When I woke up I was gonna make the best of today.