Documenting panic attack to see if it helps. It’s a bit non-chronological because I wanted to document the feelings and thoughts that were coming into my mind. How my thought process has changed through 10 years of on and off anxiety. 


1:21 woke up quickly, checked time hoping it was time to wake up. Felt mild acid in throat, drank water, felt possible twinge of burning sensation in left side of chest, obviously heartburn if anything, panic hits, cold arms and outside of shins. Feeling very scared. 
 Thought, how scary this must have been the first time you felt this kind of panic and had no prior reference that nothing was (probably) going to happen. 

              - (Writing this it is now 1:41am   gaining back some control. Breathing became noticeably easier, felt shoulders relax. I’ve since laid back down, just realized (1:46) that I’m only documenting a 20 minute period of severe panic) 


I sat up to drink cold water. Cold water soothes the burning sensation and recently my anxiety has lived and died with my logic that states you can wash down heartburn and acid but you can’t wash away a heart attack. Doctor told me about as much when I was having some stomach problems 6-7 years ago 
                     - I just had to take a quick break. Thinking that I was dealing with the same bullshit 6-7 years ago. I guess I enjoyed my time away(from panic).  On second thought, positive outlook; previous experience says this soon shall pass and not just my current panic but the overall increase of anxiety I’ve been fighting for the last few months. Also, currently being comforted by the rise and fall of acid in my throat and chest. No sarcasm, it’s muted and it’s more like I’ve swallowed Advil without water and I can feel the pills moving all the way down…and back up.2:04am


Back to the panic attack. I’m nodding off. 


Get up and head to fridge for mylanta. Still cold shots through arms and legs and fear of heart attack.  I consider doing some type of exercise to raise heart rate to prove to myself nothing is wrong. Still unreasonably afraid, decide to take .75mg Xanax so I don’t have to suffer too much longer and write this down. 

Start trying to relax with box breathing, it’s not working like l want but I can feel myself regaining control. And I decide to start writing this down based on the realization that my fear was less than before because I remember the sensations. 

2:16 nodding off. Relaxed and going back to sleep.