 I have been in a study for rTMS (sort of like electo-convulsive therapy light). It brought me out of a deep episode fairly quickly about 3 months ago, but I wasn't 100% it was what worked, as I had also taken time off work at that point, and started a new SSRI.

 Well, last week I started to go downhill again, so I went in for a booster session yesterday. I went from being unable to do anything but ruminate for 12 hours a day on terrifying, anxiety provoking thoughts, to having nearly no rumination / catastrophizing 24 hrs later.

Who knows how long it will last, but I think now fully realizing that there is a biological component to my anxiety and depression is somehow... validating? I experience a lot of shame surrounding my mental health, I think I blame myself for not being better able to manage it. But now, I am starting to acutely realize the role biology plays. I know there is also more I can do in terms of healthy habits to help out, but I can't lay the blame solely at my feet, and that takes a weight off.