So I'm 27, going on 28 - I got diagnosed with anxiety and depression in my teens yet only over the last year or two have I been sus I'm likely bipolar (type 2.) The mood swings, behaviours, habits, patterns I've looked into and it was like a light bulb moment where everything made sense to me. But I'm no fan of self diagnosis with these things. They're complex and so of course, I'd rather a professional who understands this condition to confirm or deny. So me and my mother decided this year, it was important to look into both our mental health/illnesses so we can help ourselves and each other with better understanding of who, how and why we are the way we are. My mum is being tested for autism though, not bipolar. 

So in the UK, apparently the current waiting time to get assessed for autism is around a year. Whereas bipolar is around 5-6 weeks. We were waiting for the form I'd have to fill out and when it finally arrived addressed to me, my mum gives it over to me (we live together.) I'm reading over the questions and I'm getting confused because I'm thinking "this doesn't match me at all, this sounds identical to my mother's behaviours" - I read to the bottom and find it literally is the test form for autism! They clearly had a mix up at my doctor's (which is shocking kind of mistake based of how private these things should be; as my mother has pointed out, it's just lucky we share everything with each other!)

So my mum ends up having to chase this up. (I'm very fortunate to have her, I get telephone anxiety on top my anxiety's freaking anxieties. 😅) So listen, my doctor is an angel and I cannot speak highly enough of him. He's kind, extremely patient and goes out of his way to help any issues I have and settle them. The receptionists however, to be blunt, are bloody horrible human beings who clearly lack any knowledge, compassion and understanding of people with mental health issues and illnesses. They are dealing with someone (my mum) who is being tested for autism and still want to be argumentative and difficult with her. She explained that I'd received the wrong form, there's nothing that links to bipolar disorder in the questionnaire whatsoever (my brother is type 1, so I'm not completely clueless and given my life and people around me suffer from different mental illnesses, I'm aware how complex and different they can be, whilst some hold some similarities.) This receptionist ends up being adamant that the autism form and bipolar form are the same!? Now my mother isn't stupid, she's aware that the questions being asked and nevermind the fact that it states on the form itself, it is for autism, that these questions clearly relate nothing to do with bipolar and the mood swings, etc. Bipolar and autism, whilst from what I'm aware, can hold some of the same symptoms, are still two different things! Another receptionist phones back later, confirming that there was a mix up and that our doctor even confirmed with them that there was - very quickly and suspiciously, my mum is asked to be put on hold after this admission so this receptionist can speak with a colleague who started talking to her whilst on the phone! After waiting, this receptionist comes back, turning this admission around and claiming that the form is that of the same? It seems to me, someone is trying to cover their arse and rather than admit their wrongdoing and apologise, just wants to put the responsibility all onto my mum. We've requested our doctor phone us up because honestly, this is gross and an absolute piss take. And an absolutely rotten way of treating people with severe mental illnesses. Unfortunately, we won't be able to talk to him until the end of next week which means a delay in this ongoing diagnosis, which as I'm sure you can all understand, isn't exactly fun and games as it is.

From my behaviours in the past (again, potentially linked to BD2) I've pushed away friendships and isolated myself to just my very close family and like one friend (who understands me and is patient with me, my moods and behaviours) because I'm aware I will just drop and shut off for long periods at a time and I've found either few people understand and take it personally (I've literally been told I'm up myself in the past because of this) or I don't want to be unfair because I simply cannot be the friend that is there when needed, at least not to multiple people. But I figured I'd come here, to vent this, because who better to understand something I very much potentially have than literally a group dedicated to it. I've found the whole thing deeply frustrating and depressing. I went from feeling brilliant and energised this morning after a rough time, to be zapped down because I simply want to know and understand myself better - to not feel crazy in my moods,habits and behaviours. So I can at least try and move forward as best as I can with this potential mental illness or, at the very least, can seek out groups like these and receive the right support or a genuine "I understand this exact feeling, it does suck but you're not alone in this" when times get bad, you know? But it's been delayed and made complicated by people who lack understanding and just damn, it hurts.