It’s been rough. These last 4 years have been rough. I was recently diagnosed with MDD (Major depressive disorder) which was no surprise to me and I’ve been taking 300mg of Wellbutrin XL for a month now (150mg the month prior, so I’ve been taking it for 2 months total) and I still feel terrible. I’m able to get myself to do things now which is good, but I still feel this impending sense of doom and helplessness. I haven’t been able to see my therapist for financial reasons and that hasn’t done me any good either. It’s been so hard..I feel so lonely and like a nuisance to everyone. It’s hard for me to even have relationships or friendships because whether I like it or not, I’m always expecting the worse to occur and thanks to my therapist, I realized it’s because I don’t feel safe. I never have. I don’t have a place I can really call home either. I’m 24 now, have been suicidal for sometime, and although I’m working and going to school, I can’t help but feel like it’s all pointless. I’m in the process of seeing what belongings I wanna give away to those closest to me because truth be told, I don’t really know how much longer I have to live. I don’t have much life in me anymore. I feel like a failure. I feel like no one really understands. I know they mean well, but they don’t understand. I can’t just change my mentality or just be happy in an instant. Now when I’ve been feeling like this for years.