I find myself desperate for a support system and for acceptance, but I’m constantly being rejected. The people I’ve shared connections with were only really in it for the highs and for the attention but I always wanted more with them and once it got too serious, they’d leave. No one ever wants anything long term with me and or thinks I’m worth sticking around for. And it hurts. It makes me feel unloveable and worthless. It hurts even more when these same people go on to having long term relationships with other people. 

And im starting to not blame them for leaving me. I’d leave me too; because I can be impulsive, very emotional and have poor boundaries. I blame unhealed childhood trauma for the way I am. But Im not even worth a damn closure with these people. I’m just basically abandoned, over and over again.

I can only take so much. Self love is hard when others don’t love you.