So, I don't have a BPD diagnosis but do have a history of mental illness and i  experience a lot of bpd symptoms, so i was hoping this might be the place for some perspective/advice? I totally understand if this isn't the right since i'm not offically bpd, so please let me know and i can take it down &lt;3

In the past I've had a lot of very intense friendships where everything about them seems perfect, but then i'm suddenly disgusted by everything they do, and i cut all contact with them. It feels like I'm throwing them away, and I don't want to but i can't stop myself, everything about them seems repulsive or fake.

I read about splitting and idealization/devaluation which felt like it fit perfectly. It helps to have a name for it, but it's something thats been a huge problem for me and I'm so scared of it, knowing that i might suddenly hate the people i love, and I'm no closer to figuring out how to cope with it.

I've been dating this girl for a few months now and thought everything was going so great, when she said she loved me i said it back but now i started feeling like im faking it all, and that i barely even like her, which is awful because I know she cares so much about me. I'm getting bored of her and I hate myself for it but I wish i could break up with her.

It's worth mentionning i'm on an antidepressant which might be making things worse, but I'm too scared to stop taking it.

Is there anyway to stop the split? I feel so bad about it but I dont even want to look at her face.