Honestly obsessed sounds kind of intense but I couldn’t think of another word. I think it started when I started self harming (don’t anymore). I can’t really explain the feeling I get when I see a decent amount of blood coming from me. The more blood, the better I feel. I fantasize about it sometimes. It’s just calming and feels so warm and comforting. Inside and outside. I have some cats so I get scratched often. Sometimes I’ll try to squeeze as much blood as I can from it. Recently I’ve become kind of frustrated because there’s barely any blood coming from my scratches, and jealous of my friends and family who can bleed pretty easily. That’s when I sort of realized this obsession. There’s definitely something fucking wrong with me. I feel like my brain is fucked in more ways than just this one. Hopefully it’s just my confused teenage brain developing as that’s what I’ve tried to convince myself. I’m just gonna tag this venting, but would still appreciate advice.