Hello, this is my first post here.
Lately I haven’t been feeling good, I have had many issues with the relationships around me risking to loose my friends, my girlfriend and to ruin the balance with my family.
A few months ago I decided to quit studying at the university because it didn’t give me any rewards for my efforts and only left behind a feeling of void and lost in time; I tried coping with finding a job and it quite worked, still now I feel kind of needed there but then all the self esteem built tends to get disrupted by my relatives’ judgment, they say that I must keep on studying, giving me a lot of pressure, and that I am completely wasted working as a waiter in a restaurant.
Last year I had a great relationship with my friends, we used to get along very well and they made me feel like a link between them.
Now they all formed tiny groups between them, it’s a normal situation when a large number of people is involved, but my anxiety couldn’t keep up with the changes and now I’m isolating myself, using the job as an excuse.
From time to time I hang out with them but I always feel uncomfortable, unless we’re in two and spend some quality time together.
I had a friend that I tended to call my “best friend”, we used to hang out very often, maybe playing Pokemon or going to the gym. After an argument between him and my other friends, he felt betrayed by me even if I wanted to stay neutral and/or just say my personal opinion and thoughts and now he doesn’t want to talk to me or clarify, even if I tried to give him some space and time.
All I have left right now is my girlfriend but I’m driving her crazy with all the pressures I unintentionally make her feel.
I just want to be happy again with her but every time we stay together I suffocate her with my need of attentions and physical touch, my love language (such as stay hand by hand, hugs or cuddles).
I see all my problems but I can’t help with it, the last time I saw her I burst into tears, something that hasn’t happened in years, and started blaming myself for all the stuff that’s happening in my life.
I still feel guilty right now but I have no strength to react, I’m laying in bed with an accelerated heartbeat ignoring everyone, expecting something that eventually won’t come.

I just thought that venting would’ve made me feel a little better.
Sorry if I made some mistakes, English is not my first language, 
Love you