I don't really know where to start. Probably with my "official" diagnosis. BPD and Insomnia. I take pregabalin, quetiapine and one more thing, that I don't remember, but it's really not important. 


In the past, I've been addicted (twice) on benzos, I was heavy addict, due my anxiety and social weirdness. I'm that quiet kid with his glock at his backpack. 

I quit university to feel better and started working. At first it felt awesome. But after like week or so everything went straight to shit. Everyone act like everything is a matter of course and I'm constantly anxious since then. I feel like I'm being even weirder than I usually do.  It really pisses me off... I take everything personally. 

I have really weird mood swings, sometimes I feel like a god or so, I'm egoistic, irritable, energic (but still anxious and often weirded out) and then I crash. When I crash, I'm not having good times. Why do I act so pathetic and then crashing so badly? 

The crash is being slow for me, I just wanna die, I day dream about unreal scenarios, about self harm and stuff like that. I really don't have many friends and bright future plans. Fuck help me. My psychiatrist doesn't care about me, completely ignoring my problems.