Idk what this is and how I get out of it but I realized that I adore it when other people have pity with me and that I'm also great at having self-pity. It's at that extend that I sometimes wish that bad things happen to me or that things don't go after plan so that people will have pity with me. It just feels like I am sabotaging myself and holding myself back.

How can I stop this? I don't want this.