I don't know where to put this words but I'm tired of being living in this fucking way that i can't enjoy nothing at all. 
I'm tired if feeling fisical bad every single day without any reason.
I'm tired of nobody's understanding me of being the way i am bc I'm not okay and they don't understand that i can barely sleep or Wake up well
Im tired being where I don't have any fucking opportunity to find a fucking job to pursue "my dreams"
I'm feel traped in this place out of opportunities and also in my fucking mind bc i cannot do the things that i want because i don't have enough motivation to still doing it even if i do , I don't feel that my family cares about me and nobody even want to listen to me or be with me when i feel like this
I just keep everything in my fucking mind imagining fake scenarios to take some of this shit out of my mind.
I'm just fucking bored of still living without any hope or something that i can do bc in the place where I'm is very empty of whatever shit this takes.
I don't wanna to commit suicide yet but at this point it sounds better than still living and wasting my fucking time.
And cannot behave like a fucking "normal human" bc i barely do things that everyone else is supposed to do.
And yes i have anxiety and depression literally all my entire life and i don't know why people want you to feel Alive if you cannot be well even if you're in a good place, It's like having nothing honestly.