Background: I have a friend I met in university and we started being close friends around a year and half ago. Things seemed good, then there were some little problems such as - her best friend doesn't like me. So sometimes I wouldn't get invited for things over that or she'd invite us both so "we'd be good friends" and hours of the girl pretending to be nice to me followed... And apparently she would tell my friend "she loved me" but tell everyone else she couldn't stand me. So, to my friend, I'm the one who didn't try to be nicer. 

Now university is over but since we live in the same town, we can still see each other. Kind of. I noticed in August she started pulling away, in part because of my mental health, so in the beginning of this month I tried having a conversation with her. Say I felt hurt and like she was upset at me. It wasn't easy! I had an episode the whole weekend before it, in fear I'd lose her as a friend... and didn't want to let my mind screw it up without communication.

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Side-note: I'm on the autism spectrum as well, and she knows. I always thought she was okay with it, but starting to think she doesn't really understand or care. When I tried telling her that she blurt out I "don't try hard enough to be friendly" and how I can't expect her to be with me 24/7 and how it's not that she doesn't want to be with me but people make plans last minute and she can't invite me. I wasn't even able to finish a sentence before she blurted all that out. And I shutdown. Half hour later she left because her dad was giving her a ride home, and I started crying.

We're supposed to meet this week. Mind you, in August we only met up for lunch a couple times - while she'd plan beach trips and hangouts after work with her OTHER friends. I don't have a car nor driver's license now (she does) and it's hard for me to plan stuff or put in the iniciative on "let's do this", especially since I live a bit far from her. 

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After that talked, I told my best friend what happened. Apparently it's not just me, she's forgetting her as well - and we feel she's basically going with what friends fit her life more. Now it's some girl who knows "hot guys" and stuff. 

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I feel stuck. I'm trying to be understanding. Maybe she doesn't realize she clings to a friend more than others... Maybe she has some issues... Etc. But my best friend is telling me I did my part. I talked, I said how I felt, I explained and tried to change. She didn't. Even my therapist says she's a bit manipulative. But in my head I'm like "is she?" "what if she's just unwell and it's my fault?"

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I don't want to lose her as a friend. I'm trying so hard to be more social and seems everyone I find ends up backstabbing me or leaving. I don't want to lose another person but I think I'll end up losing her too... And the worst is, I'm not sure if I should trust my head or the others.