I mean it, I'm so tired. When I think about what I put my husband through because of my impulsivity and promiscuity. And hes just stood by me, begging for me to come back to "normal", for us to be us again. Its not that I don't love him, its that I couldn't stop. I was doing the dumbest shit to try and fill the void inside of me. When what I should have been doing was holding him closer to me. Talking to him about what was going on inside my head, instead of reaching out to strangers. My therapist said that borderlines are addicted to chaos. She also said that I was pushing my husband away before he left me first or something. I was with my  ex husband for 7 years, I've been with my now husband for a little over 7 years. I read an article that said that the average BPD relationship last 7.3 years. I don't want to be another stereotype. I want to make my marriage last a lifetime. I start DBT tomorrow. I'm hoping it helps. I'm ready to change. I want to be a better person. I don't want to be a piece of shit anymore.