i am 25. working in healthcare, ironically. i have developed severe anxiety and depression issues since middle school, there were a few years of me experiencing dissociation and selective mutism as well due to my anxiety. i still dissociate whenever i undergo a lot of stress but i learned how to manage it better. the selective mutism i haven't experienced since 16 thankfully. 

as you can imagine when you're living with all that it's hard to do things that normal people take doing for granted. i spent my middle and high school and university years as well battling daily panic attacks. had to lock myself in the bathroom just to breathe or have my panic attack in peace. when i'm done, i wipe my tears, stand up, and force myself to undergo the daily battles again: say hello, communicate with other students for a graded group project, be in a classroom full of people. basically i underwent a lot. 

yesterday was one of those few days where i didn't seem to overthink everything i did. i managed conversations easily, spoke my mind confidently, was just myself openly throughout the day. i thought to myself: "maybe i'm finally cured after all those years, my hard work has paid off".

today i'm not any of that, i'm even worse than i recently have been in fact. i can't maintain eye-contact for longer than a brief moment, my voice in barely audible, i stutter with every word, and my anxiety tics are barely manageable. there were no triggers as well, something just felt off since the moment i woke up. 

this was my reminder that not every day is going to be the same, and that i should be kinder to myself because its experience with the world isn't the typical one. it was nice to be normal for a day though.