I used to be such an extremely joyful and optimistic person. Definitely anxious, but nowhere the doom and gloom I carry around these days. I was funny and outgoing and had zest for life. These bubbles in my stomach always excited to do something or try something.

Now, i look at the world and i’m literally just trying to survive. I look at people around me and am truly frightened by what I see— selfish, violent, angry, and mentally unstable. The things and systems i used to believe in have all come crashing down (usually proving to be fake, phony, or cruel). I used to have this vision of the world and lately it is as if someone stuck holes in all of it. Im so confused. How suddenly it all went to shit…. How i literally have no hope anymore and every time i see a glimmer of hope it is squashed. I used to explain this away saying it was a test by god…. But i dont even know where i stand with him haha. Im just so very lost and have lost the motivation to get myself out. I just want to cry