I've dealt with crippling, unbearable depression after a traumatic event at age 11 (I'm 24 now). I believe I developed borderline personality disorder and have also been diagnosed with bipolar 2, ADHD, high-functioning autism, OCD, clinical depression, generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD. My whole life has been a hell filled with rejection, abuse, and drug addiction. I was in constant *physical* pain from anxiety to the point where every second was torture, and I was almost totally unable to function. Like living with an injury is the best way I can describe it. And this lasted 13 years until I finally got on anti-depressants and Suboxone, and life started to gradually improve for me. I began taking a supplement called L-methylpholate (seriously guys, *please* look this up) and my life completely took a 180 and I've never felt happier. Life is finally looking up for me, and I'm excited for the future.

Well, that being said, about a week ago I ran out of my L-methylpholate and in 2 days slipped back into a black pit of hopeless depression and constant panic attacks. Had to call out of work for a whole week. I was in constant physical pain to the point where I just wanted to die every second of every day. I wasn't even having depressive thoughts, it was just like this dysphoric haze. Like I was disconnected from the world and felt like something was extremely wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it. So I relived what I had been dealing with for the past 13 years that day, and it was hell on earth. And I only went through this for 3 days. I'm back to taking L-methylpholate and I'm feeling relatively fine now, but I've had absolutely zero energy the past few days and haven't been able to so much as get out of bed which sucks so much. I'm gonna have to up my antidepressant now since that was what was keeping the fatigue under control.

It really, really sucks that I'm realizing again that this is just my natural state. I'm gonna have to be on meds for the rest of my life.