I’m not extraordinarily sad, I’m not in immense emotional pain. I go through these phases sometimes where I just think, “ok I feel quite bad, and I will probably will always feel this here and there throughout life, there’s no point in attempting the good things because it’s just this never ending cycle and why not just die now? How different will this be than dying in 50 years?” I just feels, purposeless, numb, suffocatingly empty. Of course, I won’t and I couldn’t because I could not break my mother’s heart like that.

Edit: title typo... ever* not every.
Edit 2: title typo...not even* not ever. stupid iPhone autocorrect.