I know I should seek someone with a degree in the matters, but I can't right now due to family. But I'm hoping someone here can at least give me a direction. I'll just try to tell what I can in hopes that someone can help. 

I'm a 20 yo male college student, I'm not antisocial but not very outgoing either. Growing up I had an ok family life but due to some emotional abuse and issues I believe I have some amount of depression and/or anxiety. So I've been doing research on mental issues and various types and the differences, and going though that I have realized how many things that I experience are apparently not normal.

 I haven't been able to express emotions for a very long time and I cannot empathize with those around me. And I have a tendency to manipulate people ( not in a bad way, more of just self defense) and there are times and days with i think I really experience depression and anxiety and I'm completely derailed untill it goes away. I've also kinda noticed I get extremely paranoid. I will fully believe someone is following me on my morning run or I will shut myself in my appt because I think someone is trying to find me. I will have intrusive thoughts (I did do a lot of self harm when I was younger and I believe I just didn't realize these happened untill now) but I will have to restrain myself as to not cut or hit myself with things and I try to stay far from ledges and roads and I do have those thoughts as well. Lastly I have what I think are visual hallucinations, normally it's just a shadow of a person/bug in the corner of my when I get paranoid or anxious.

This my sound like a lot but I think I'm normal enough? Like I get on with life I act as normal as I can when I'm depressed or anxious or have paranoia and I'm not completely crippled, my roommate has said I'm odd but never really made any sort of conversation about anything so I feel like my outwards behavior is normal.

I think I'm close to to spread of someone with schizo affective disorder however I don't have any voices in my head or even an inner dialogue and I don't have delusions other then perhaps my bouts of paranoia. It could just simply be some average depression/anxiety but I really don't know as I can't find things to relate to. 

If you need more information I can answer but I really just want something to identify with so I can start working on getting to a better point. Any help is much appreciated, Thank you.