So this is very strange and has been happening for the last 4 years and has made my life completely debilitating. I don’t know exactly where it’s coming from or if it’s natural and can be improved with psychotherapy. I used to listen to these audios on YouTube called Subliminals. Subliminals are made by repeating positive statements over and over again with the idea that they will reach your subconscious and make changes. These audios are supposed to be able to change your mindset, appearance, and bring things into your life by changing your subconscious beliefs. I used to listen to this channel named, mind power. I used her curly hair video and to my surprise, it actually worked. Or at least I perceived it as working. I changed my hair type from 3a to 3b curly hair.

The creator of these subliminals had her channel taken down in, 2018 after being exposed for using harmful affirmations. Shortly after using her audios, I had insomnia for the first time in my life. Terrible insomnia that lasted 2 weeks, I was micro sleeping on and off for 2 weeks straight. Sometime after I got over the insomnia, I remember waking up and the world felt artificial…nothing felt real anymore and everything just seemed colorless. I think this is called depersonalization. Since then, I’m chronically depressed, have severe brain fog, memory loss, personality changes, I’m apathetic, hopeless, have suicidal thoughts… but one of the strangest symptoms I have is that I believe that my skull is shrinking. It feels smaller everyday I wake up, when I touch it, it feels smaller and it looks smaller in the mirror. I have had both a cat scan and an mri and those test both confirmed that their isn’t anything physically wrong with my brain or no signs of skull thinning. Would you consider this a delusion? 

I don’t know if this is a result of her audios or not, but after listening to something called a subliminal flush, which is supposed to remove harmful affirmations from the subconscious, my skull was growing back in real time…now I know this sounds insane, but through my perception and senses it felt like it was changing back to its original shape. Eventually the subliminal flush stopped working and my skull started to change shapes again…now it appears to be even smaller than it was before I listened to the flush. 

I made the ignorant mistake of listening to this guy named, sapien medicine on YouTube in may of this year and it has made my symptoms and quality of life much worse. Now I have suicidal thoughts in my mind all day long, music playing in my head all day long, even worse memory, and overall just feel like death. I’ll never be able to explain just how much suffering this has caused me with words alone…I genuinely don’t know how I’ve managed to not end my life yet.

Idk if this is all psychological or not or if their audios have had a real impact of my mind and body. I also have a long history of childhood trauma and maybe that could be playing a role. What do you think I should do from here? Thank you