i'll get into these phases where i ghost my friends and family despite feeling lonely and wishing to be with them. then i convince myself that everyone has forgotten about me which fills me with this overwhelming anxiety that refuses to subside, even after i begin interacting with my loved ones again. 

i'm not sure why i do it. it's some combination of laziness and self harm in a weird way. 

is this a bpd thing?? or is this just a me thing?? does anyone know how to cope with it??? because i feel like im destroying every relationship i have.