Hello everyone,

I apologize in advance if my post is all over the place. Today I went with my boyfriend to see his psychiatrist whose helping him work through his ADHD and depression. During these sessions, the psychiatrist likes to ask me a lot of questions not only about my partner but also about myself. Through these sessions we have addressed my ADHD, anxiety and depression and how it impacts not only myself but the relationship as well. It feels a lot like couples counseling in a way but that was never the intent. Anyways, his psychiatrists insists I must have a mood disorder. So the topic of medications came up and he gave me some recommendations to explore with my own psychiatrist. This just has me fixating heavily on my own mental health stuff. Though I guess I do that anyways. Ultimately, it has just given me another thing to be anxious about. (Like I am not thrilled at the idea of taking more medications. I take prozac and adderrall right now).

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Anyways, as I said in the headline for the post, I am going through a lot of major life changes. Obviously I am dealing with the pandemic and being impacted by that. But I also found out that I got into nursing school back in August. I start in January. For my program, I will be moving across the country. I have never lived outside of my home state. So obviously with this comes a lot of anxiety. I am anxious about my move. I am anxious about starting this program and the loans I have to take out. I am anxious about moving to a new area. I am anxious about saying goodbye to my family and friends here. Obviously I will see them again but it is still hard. The pandemic has also added to that anxiety in particular because its preventing me from seeing them before I leave. Those that I can see are also laying on the guilt trip that I am not seeing them enough because I have been incredibly busy.

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By busy, I mean I am still working full time as an ABA therapist and doing more prep work for my move and my program. On top of that, I am trying to spend as much time as I can with my boyfriend before I go. Being at his place can be like a refuge. Of course this doesn't sit well with my family because they want me there with them instead. Apologies, I know I am track-switching a lot. This is just how my mind feels right now, like it is going through a web of layers of stress every time I try to approach even a subset of it. Anyways, I am obviously anxious about my partner. I will be doing long-distance with him. We have had a rocky relationship during the pandemic. Even broke up for awhile. But we have both made a lot of progress within ourselves and we really want to make our relationship work. 

Now I am also anxious about his well-being once I leave. He was fired from his job right before the pandemic and he has been unable to find work since then. It's been 10 months now. Some of it due to his own mental health. But he has put in a lot of work with his psychiatrist and therapist and is getting a better hold on that now. So he has been more productive and working harder to find a job. But he just keeps getting rejection emails. He's smart. He has a lot of work experience in different areas and a BS in psychology. But it's just not enough. So I am anxious about what will happen to him in the next few months. His unemployment will be ending in January. His savings is almost depleted. He says he will do whatever work he has to do at that point but right now his career counselor is advising him to hold out as long as he can to keep trying to find a good job. This whole thing just creates a spiral of anxiety for me. I worry we won't be able to afford seeing each other or that he will end up homeless. I certainly can't help him with rent because I have my own financial stressors coming up with graduate school. 

In this moment, I am currently struggling to keep up with work, with school prep, with seeing my family, making time for my partner, and making time for myself. I am anxious about everyone else and myself. I don't know what I am looking for on here I guess. Words of support perhaps? Advice? 

I just wish I knew how to feel secure in these upcoming changes. Or how to manage my family anxiety. I also wish I knew how to stop feeling anxious about my partners circumstances or how to help him get through it. I feel so out of control of so many things. Anyways, sorry for the long ramble reddit. Sometimes it also just feels good to write it all down (or type it in this case).

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tl;dr Overwhelmed by a web of stressors and upcoming life changes and struggling to sort through it all. Support/advice is welcomed.