[19F]. I’ll give some backstory, I was with my ex-bf (D) for four years, that’s the longest relationship I’ve ever been in and it was not the healthiest, but was the happiest. I became overly-dependent on him and I impulsively broke up with him back in December because i felt confined. He took it hard, but through everything we have been in constant contact and basically act those we are dating knowing that I won’t ever be with him relationship-wise. It’s really hard to navigate at times, but I do it because I still love him and am afraid of losing him. 

Anyway, I fell for a guy at my work and him and I have been having an ongoing relationship for about 7 months and I have fallen very hard him. The relationship is definitely the most normal thing I’ve ever seen and it makes me uncomfortable at times, but I know in the long run this will be well worth it. He loves me and everything comes along with me without letting me maybe morf into him. By that I mean.. letting my identity get lost in his.  However, he is wanting to make things more serious between us... more official. He wants to plan out a future with me in it.

I love the idea of this because it’s like “Yes! I’m finally going to have the stability I’ve always longed for and I’m going to have a normal life and relationship!” But I’m also scared of that because I’m not sure what that will look like. I’m scared of giving up my ex-bf because he is my best friend and I’m scared that maybe I will be making the wrong choice. I should be with someone who I have been with longer, someone who knows me better than anyone else ever could, someone who gives more attention than I could ever ask for, someone who tolerates the impulsivity that I deal with. All of these things run around in my head and I don’t know what to do. 

I struggle with the urge to just push them both out of my life and start over, I’ll become a better me. Someone who is not held down by relationships, one who is free. But I’m terrified of being alone and not having that comfort of someone being there... 


I’m so fucking confused and I don’t know what to do.