I’ve only had 2 fp in this lifetime and they’ve both abandoned me. When my first fp hung out with other people I was extremely suicidal and attempted suicide multiple times. My jealousy issues were so severe and I was extremely controlling and manipulating, I’ve threatened suicide so many times in the face of abandonment. It was before I got diagnosed with BPD. 

I’m not controlling anymore, my jealousy issues aren’t as bad. Yet my current fp is still abandoning me because of my jealousy issues. 

I still haven’t learnt from my mistakes. I’m still threatening suicide so that they don’t leave me. They seem to care, just not enough to try again. I’m a horrible person. I don’t even know why I’m like this, I’ve never had severe trauma issues. I quit therapy because it doesn’t seem to help. The only thing that would help would be if they stopped abandoning me. I’ve been thinking about getting back to therapy again because I cannot stop sobbing over my fp