I want to share this with you guys because many of you will understand how monumental it is. I just had such a moment of victory over my BPD 

My husband asked me to open his laptop to print something and Facebook was open and I saw a conversation with a woman he had been having and deleting the messages as they happened. The last one remained on the screen even though he though he believed he had deleted it. This kind of behavior on his part has been going on for a long time and I have had very destructive and maladaptive communication strategies to express my distress which overshadows his behavior and shuts down any avenues for conversation about commitment and fidelity. 

This time I calmly approached him and said “I thought you had stopped this behavior and it isn’t the way a married man should behave. I am not comfortable if you are messaging with girls you don’t know and deleting the messages immediately after writing them.” He looked at me with kindness and said I understand how you feel and he hugged me. 

I’m not trying to say anything about his behavior here, only that I spoke in a loving calm way and I felt like my words were heard. I set my own limits!! For the first time ever it feels like and I’m proud of myself. 