I’m having a bad anxiety episode. I don’t normally have them but tonight I’m having trouble even breathing. I’m counting each breath. I’m feeling useless and empty. Just got into a big fight with my tutor and i feel like I can’t say anything like always. I never told her about being sexually abused when I was a small kid and then 12 or 13. Or when I was on the edge of depression when my brother died. I’m behind on college and my life is a mess and I feel like I’m drowning and not even my older brother want to hear me out. I feel like I’m failing on everything and I’m kinda feeling bad for writing this when I could have it so much worse, but I don’t know what to do to calm down except writing this. This isn’t an ask for help, I think I just really needed to get this out of my chest cus she doesn’t even know I have this kind of thoughts, she doesn’t even believe in mental illness I think. I think about.. ending it all sometimes, but my mother would be so sad and my brothers too. Can’t do this to them. But I’m so tired and I needed to tell this to someone. Thanks for listening.