I feel so down, i feel like i lost myself years ago, i see no future, no relationship, i don't have anyone to love and i will never. I live with my grandma and she is old, i keep thinking she is going to die soon, and i will be alone, when i was a kid i remember thinking about life with joy, thinking the future bright...Now look at me, a huge mess, don't care about anything anymore, ssri don't do nothing for me, i'm just a piece of nothing.

I feel like i see reality without illusion, the reality is bad, i think depression is just seeing the reality pure without filters, and it's scary, life doesn't make sense.