I’m so fucking tired of feeling sorry for myself all the time. So tired of laying in bed all day. So tired of never being able to keep a job for more than a week. I’m tired of lying to myself and my family saying I’m going to do something to change my life and never doing it. The worst part about it is I always have the intention and would do what I was saying in the exact moment but for some reason I wake up the next day feeling like existing takes too much effort for what it’s worth. I’m tired of feeling lonely but not having the mental energy or strength to even try making any friends. I’m tired of my parents being disappointed in me. Im tired of worrying 24/7 about my future that doesn’t even exist. Im tired of feeling like I want to get high all the time when it never feels good anyways. After your depressed for so long it changes you in a bad way. It’s made me petty and angry at the smallest of things. I’m only 18 man why does this have to happen. Im obsessed with drugs Iv never even done before how is that even fucking possible it’s like I was born to be an addict and there’s nothing I can do to change that. Im getting close to a breaking point here. My life has been a roller coaster for the past 5 years of my life but this last 6 months has been treacherous. The thought of actually having responsibilities and working all day just to come home and be depressed anyways makes me want to end it right here and now. I barely want to live right now and I don’t do anything at all so how tf am I going to manage being on my own in life. Everyday it gets easier and easier to think about killing myself and eventually doing it won’t be so hard either. Iv never been religious but if there is a god out there please help me.