These last few months I've become completely consumed by the idea of my reputation. 

I google myself often, frantically deleting everything I can and becoming hysterical about the things I can't. When my friends were being loud and having fun several nights ago, all I could think about was if other people could hear us and what they would think. I don't share my opinions online or in conversation anymore, and every time I try to post even the most boring shit on social media I end up quickly deleting it. I'm terrified of any friend I'm publicly associated with sharing a controversial opinion, and becoming tangentially connected with it. 

I have nightmares about being dogpiled with hatred online, or employers not hiring me because of an internet post, or someone not wanting to be my friend because of something they heard out of context.

It's really starting to interfere with my daily function, and the worst part is I don't really even have any hot takes in the first place. I've never done anything really bad to my knowledge- I just can't stop feeling paranoid.