Well this is my first relationship with my best friend. I’ve had a crush on them for five years and longing to be with them. Heck I was listening to Francis Forever by Mitsuki and Thelma + Louise by Bastille on repeat lol. I finally confessed a few weeks ago. Turns out they felt the same thing for me too!

I love my SO. I love how dorky they are, how caring and silly they are. How strong and smart and witty they are. I love them. We’ve been taking for years about living in a home together because of their living situation. I want the absolute best for my SO

Now the thing is, I have anxiety, depression, PTSD and intrusive thoughts. So my mind is not the kindest of things towards me. 

A big thing has been (I think they are) intrusive thoughts just coming out of nowhere telling me “you don’t feel anything.” “You don’t mean it.” “You don’t know what love feels like.”

I hate it. I absolutely hate it. It’s given me panic attacks and just freaks me out. And what’s worse is sometimes my mind and body confuse my anxiety for guilt, or excitement for anxiety and so on because it feels similar. 

I just want to know if this is normal? Or if anyone is in a relationship and they felt these things at first.  Im tired of feeling like this. I know it’ll take time to go away but it’s just scary, especially if it’s with one of the most important people in my life that I care for so much.