I’ve grown up around neural- atypical people. Depression, bipolar, narcissism, ED, anxiety, and addiction to name a few. Each tendencies requires different aspects of friendship and support. But I don’t have experience with people who are BPD.

This past week, my friend was hospitalized for attempting to take her own life. From what’s she’s told me, and given insight to her behavior via others, I’m pretty sure she has BPD. 

I’ve done what I can to be there for her- to demonstrate that I love and care about her, and that I don’t think she’s broken or too much to handle. I’ve shown concern for her wellbeing but have tried to demonstrate that I’m not going to ostracize her for these sorts of things. I’ve had a good number of friends, as well as my own mother, wind up in hospitals for the same thing. I’ve never berated her with questions and have tried not to make a deal out of her sometimes self-destructive behaviors because between her family, roomates, and therapist, I’m sure she gets enough of that. Sometimes you just need a friend, not another person psychoanalyzing you. Ive seen how the intimacy of friendship can be spoiled by focusing too much on conversations about non-typical psychological behavior. At least, this was my school of thought in months prior. 

But After she gets out of the hospital, I’m considering talking to her more intently and directly. This is the second time that she’s tried this while I’ve known her, and I feel guilty for taking the precautions I did before now. Maybe I should’ve spoken more openly about her non-neurotypical nature. I recognize I can’t keep her from hurting herself, and all I can do is to demonstrate to her as best I can that she isn’t hard to love or an inconvenience to me. And maybe discussions about unhealthy thoughts and actions are a part of that.

To complicate things, our relationship started out sexual but quickly evolved to platonic friendship. I noticed we didn’t really vibe in that dept so I suggested we maybe not have sex. There’s no unrequited emotional attachment for either of us, and I have hung out with her and her more recent romantic exploits cordially. I mention the history of our relationship for context. I hope it plays no factor in things nowadays but this is unventured territory for me, so I figured I’d mention it in case someone here thinks that’s significant.


I don’t know the kind of answer that I’m seeking, but I ask you all who suffer from BPD- what can I do to be a better friend to this girl? What kinds of things should I avoid? Do I take a more active role to encourage her and lead to healthier behaviors through suggestion? Or do I take a backseat and let her make missteps and learn on her own, being sure to help pick her back up when she falls?

Any insight you can provide is appreciated. Thank you guys so much.