Hi there ive been diagnosed with bpd and mdd in college since a few months ago and have been on zoloft for a while. But since living with my parents during the semester break, i havent been open to my family about my diagnosis. Hence have been taking medication secretly. 

Zoloft made me loose my appetite to the point where i feel queasy even thinking about food. So after a while i went off the meeication so i can eat and sleep well (it also gave me sleeping problems). Pretending to be okay in front of my family has forced me to eat 3 meals a day with them, eventhough they noticed i eat a lot less than i used to. But going off of zoloft after a few months of consistency caused me to relapse and go intoncontinous depressive episodes where ive started cutting myself at every chance i get or hitting something to feel pain. Suicidal thoughts ahve been very rampant since then but i havent had the will to attempt.

The new semester started this week and im back to living alone. I havent eaten a single thing since saturday breakfast with my parents before they dropped me off and ive been rapidly losing energy since yesterday. I give myself the excuse that i forgot to eat because ive been having classes and studying (where i live our weekdays start on sunday)  and until now i havenno energy to leave my room to even make instant noodles and im too anxious to ask for a biscuit or something. 

Im not a very fit person (21F), or large to say the least so i dont think ill last a week like this. But at the same time i dont care that much but thats probably just me and being suicidal as usual. I dont have supportive friends or community who will say im not skinny enough to have an eating disorder. They mean well, but they just arent very educated on mental health so i usually just keep things to myself. 

My psychiatrist usually calls me on thursday and hes the only one whos actually helpful in things like this but i dont know if i can make it till then. 

Anyways, stay safe peeps