We went to the same high school in big town next to our two small towns.Led the same lower-middle class life but a few miles apart.He is 4 years younger and going to college.I met him on my workplace,he was a customer.We started joking playfully,and on the third time I saw him we agreed to meet for a coffee.I was so excited meeting someone who finally feels so close to home.He is everything I wanted-supportive,loyal,traditional,patient and a problem solver.He is kind with animals and has a loving family.I gazed into the eyes that looked comforting,letting myself fall into the spiral of the thing that is his beauty as he said that he ignored all the red flags on previous girlfriends.That is the time I blurted out that I have a mood disorder.He was curious,bit life in his bubble made him oblivious to what I am.We spent the night of my birthday together,feeling all the love and support in the world as I was held in big arms looking at the rose-the gift for our third date.I kept checking if I'm overstating my boundaries-finally figured he didn't know what that meant exactly.So I told him everything.Told him how my family disowned me,how I have money issues(which was apparent by the state of the furniture in my rented apartment).We wanted to sleep together(both of us so badly) that we didn't want to wait.I informed him of my previous  mistakes while manic concerning reproductive help because he wanted kids and I wanted him to be safe.
When we finished,I told him absolutely everything about my life and he still wanted to help somehow.But it was too dangerous,because the biggest life problem he had was fighting with his parents and stress over money/college.
I described myself in the worst view possible,to scare him away.Not because of abandonment issues, but because I thought that I am the most fucked-up person he ever met.And he agreed,couldn't bring himself to kiss me goodbye and rushed off to taxi.He said that he is traumatised,and that I am a good person and that he is very sorry because of how my life turned out.
Few minutes after I sent him a message with no response.I checked his social media,and realised I was blocked.
It happened last night.
It is alright,he did what he had to for his mental wellbeing and I know that he would love all of my troubles away.I just couldn't bring myself to hurt him,so I stopped myself in every possible way begore jt was even a chance.
He is amazing,brilliant and truly one of a kind.