i dont think im going to make it this time. i cant talk to anyone anymore. its gotten old for them to listen to it and it doesnt help me anymore. i started seeing a new therapist and i think im forming an unhealthy attachment already. that has never happened before. every living second hurts. she just texted me that shes going on vacation next week and she wont be there for 2 weeks and im spiraling right now. ii think i should cut this off right now this is getting oretty bad. i dont know what to do i think about suicide all the time and its never been so real like it is now. i dont know what to do anymore.  im in so much pain and i cant deal with it anymore. ive been popping pills regularly now just to try to make it stop but it doesnt stop then either. idk what to do. please somebody help me.