I've had social anxiety for I guess most of my life. My anxiety has been recently getting in the way of my friendships and it has been progressively getting worse and worse. I've been slowly losing interest in things I like and that has kind of followed into my friendships. It's been hard to keep up with friendships when I don't have any interest in doing much. This has been something going on for awhile maybe like a few weeks or 1 month. Recently though, it's taken a major dive and I'm afraid of ruining my friendships because of stupid anxiety.   


My best friend that I talk to all the time has helped me with my anxiety, and reassures me that he enjoys our friendship. This really helps since I have extremely bad social anxiety, and I get horrible thoughts that my friends don't like me, or that any action I do makes a situation/conversation bad/awkward, and that my friends don't want me around, and the list just keeps going forever. I feel bad talking about my anxiety to him or other friends because I feel like an attention seeker and that no one wants to deal with my problems. I tend to keep my anxiety hidden for the most part and typically since I mainly only talk to my best friend, my anxiety is not usually that bad or it's non-existent. However, it's bad. VERY BAD as of now. Ever since I have got into the period of disinterest in all of things I enjoy, my anxiety has just be getting worse. I have thoughts that make it harder and harder to feel like I belong in my friendships. On top of everything, school has been getting hard for me and whenever I want to talk with my friends, I can't because of school. Whenever my anxiety is bad and I don't feel like talking, I'm typically free to do anything. I feel like my friendships are slipping from me because my thoughts make it seem like I don't fit and I should just stop. I'm already awkward and very bad at socializing already, but this makes to where I'm afraid to talk or say anything because I feel like I'll ruin the moment or conversation. I worry over every step I take in socializing, and I'm spiraling down the more time passes.   


Something about my anxiety is that I'm very shelled in about the things I enjoy or just anything about me since I feel weird or not normal compared to other people. It takes a long time and a lot of reassurance to open up to my friends and even when I have good friends that I've talked to forever, I can still randomly just one day start feeling anxious with them again. Well, my best friend recently became friends with this girl and he introduced me to her. This friend fits well into our social circle because she shares a similar sense of humor to my best friend and I. She is awesome and very nice to talk to, and I enjoy her company and I believe my best friend does too. I enjoy being around her but like with a lot of my good friends, I feel very anxious about what to say or do even if my friend does something basically the exact same as me. I feel like very cautious because I don't want to make things awkward or ruin the conversation, and with my anxiety getting worse and worse, I've got to the point where I just can't even communicate while in the conversation. I choose to stay silent because I'm afraid. I would join in the activities they are doing but I'm anxious and/or disinterested so I feel like I should just exclude myself. It's worse because I know they don't care and like me being around, as I've had my best friend tell me this but I can't convince myself that I belong. I know they like me being around, and I know that they couldn't care what I do, and I know they wouldn't mind me joining in on the fun and yet I still can't get over my fucking anxiety. I feel like I should just stop talking and leave my friends alone because my anxiety is just filling my head with thoughts that make it harder and harder to keep up. I've even thought about just locking my accounts on social media because I just feel like I don't belong. I feel so conflicted because I know my friends like me, but my thoughts make it so hard to believe it and I feel bad for feeling like this due to the fact that my friends (especially my best friend) have put in effort to deal with my bullshit and anxiety. I feel like just cutting away contacts because I don't want them to deal with me. I don't know what to do anymore, and I want my friends to have fun but these thoughts that I have make me feel like I'm dragging them down and they don't want me here. I want them to be happy rather than me, but no matter what I do I still feel like a piece of shit anyway.   


I just want someone to help, or some advice, or just fucking something. It's getting worse and I don't know what to do.