Godfuckingdamnit.
Why do I keep torturing myself by looking up people I don't have in my life anymore on social media? I can see how happy they are without me and it kills me. Like, do they miss me? Do they think about me as much as I think about them? Would they care if I left forever? For five fucking years we were family. Now I don't exist to them. 
I just needed to put this somewhere. I'm sorry.