I feel like my relationship is toxic to my health. As I've read and seen within myself; I have a really weak sense of identity like many other people feeling the way I do. My boyfriend has acknowledged that he was the one to give me the identity I have today. If he hadn't pushed me to do anything id essentially be nowhere. I've been lying to myself about how I feel but honestly being with him is miserable. I record our conversations now and see many thing I wasn't able to before. He is making invalidating statements toward me, controlling what I wear and full on shaming me for wearing a nice pair of black work out pants to go for a walk and a shirt that is just BARELY see through. Direct quotes include "you have no respect for yourself if you're going to wear those in public" and another favorite " they're trashy you look like a slut when you wear those." Although I wear them to the gym with him every night and he doesn't object. He went to my work last night because I was out too late and is making me get a time out slip from my boss to prove where I was. He guilts me for not doing hi dishes and cleaning his house although he is unemployed (by choice, he's taking time off work to relax...but it's been 4 months). I am currently looking fOr an apartment on my own. I've been staying with him for 3 months and he's starting to make me feel guilty for it. My mothers home in over run by fleas and garbage except for my room. I dislike being in her house. I still keep everything there but I try not to sleep there because it's unsanitary and my brother with really bad anger issues is also there. I'm thinking about just staying there until I'm able to afford my own home (which doesn't seem like it will happen anytime soon). I'm stuck between two overbearing households that I don't feel comfortable in. I feel like the relationship is toxic between my family and my boyfriend. I feel alone, and useless. I feel like a burden and I'm tired of feeling that way. Everytime I try to leave my boyfriend he ignores me, or changes the subject to make it favor him. I Want to leave but I honestly do believe him when he says that he gave me my identity. I get separation anxiety when I'm away from him for a night. It's hard for my to fall asleep iny own bed. Did I mention I haven't slept in the same bed as him in 2 months? Yea. It's great. I want to see a psychiatrist and allow myself to grow and become healthier, and allow the identity that I recognize as myself to grow but I feel like he's holding me back from that. I feel like his inability to empathize with my feelings and the ways he goes about talking to me about our issues are effecting me negatively. He never says I love you, he never tells me I'm worth anything but he can nag me to the ends of the earth if I don't do his dishes or if I accidentally drag in a leaf when I get home late. He can get angry but he can't show me love anymore. He's done so many nice things for me and I ALWAYS tell him how much I appreciate him but it doesn't change his feelings toward me. I feel the relationship failing and I can't salvage it anymore. At this point I feel like it's gotten to the point where I've done so much to change myself and its still not good enough for him. He will never be satisfied with me. I'm just lost. Sorry for rant. 