So long story short I was diagnosed bipolar 1 but honestly feel like I manipulated my way to the diagnosis after the idea was planted in my head by someone, and I don't properly match the bipolar systems, e.g. I don't really get manic, psychotic, or have long-term mood shifts (my mood swings are way faster, normally just hours).

A lot of the BPD stuff seems to check out of I'm honest with myself: intense mood swings all day/week, short fuse/rages, depression+anxiety and self-harm but no real highs, depersonalization/realisation, lack of sense of self/playing characters, black and white thinking, insecurity masked with grandiosity, emotional manipulation/attention seeking, compulsive lying (though trying to be honest with this post xD), obsessing and fantasizing over girls I've barely met, getting into relationships with them and trainwrecking them...

However there's one hallmark characteristic/symptom I see prevalent here that I lack, and that's the fear of abandonment. While I can be a bit clingy and obsessive - the girl becomes my world in the relationship (but that's pretty normal right?) - deep down I don't really care if she leaves. I know it's going to inevitably happen anyway, and while I might act out a bit I don't make a big effort to keep them/stop them leaving, I'll get over it and just move onto someone else. In fact I can actually get mad when the person gets too close/intimate and push them away, it's a weird contradiction. I don't like being single, but I don't mind it nearly as much a lot of other BPD people seem to.

Would just be interested to hear others' thoughts and wise words on this, and if anyone else here is like me, lacking the fear of abandonment/partners leaving component?