I feel like I'm always pushing people away, I rarely make an effort to create new relationships and sometimes even maintain the old ones. I've figured that I always want to be the first person to walk away, I couldn't stand getting rejected, I don't know if it's because of my ego. 

Something I've also realized recently is that I'm waiting for people to make the slightest mistake so I can have an excuse to dump them. One day I can be talking about how great they are and how much I like them and then they do a harmless mistake/ a change of tone / they say a thing I don't agree with and suddenly I reject them and say I didn't like them that much anyway. I know it's black and white thinking and it's making me miserable. 

The thing that's puzzling me is that after dumping them I convince myself that I never liked them anyway and I don't miss them. I could cut off any friend and I'd probably not care at all. I think I abandon people so that I won't won't feel abandoned by them and I think that's because when I was young I had to be separated from my parents for a quite while ( not anyone's fault, they had to leave with my sister due to a serious health problem ) and I guess I never learnt how to form healthy relationships. 

Anyway, I just wanted to see if anyone is experiencing something similar cause I read a lot of posts about being clingy / afraid of being abandoned etc and I'm quite the opposite. Would love to hear your experiences/concerns/advice.