I am 20, M. My step dad and I have had a very rocky relationship, he has beat me for chips of paint in the wall to drinking a simple can of beer at 15. He has a mental problem himself that I can’t diagnose myself but I’m most certain he’s a minor alcoholic and I’m also most certain he has a mental issue, above anger issues, it’s worse than that. (minor alcoholic being the fact he usually only drinks at night but is compulsive and every night). When I was 11 years old, was the first time I was beaten by my step dad, (who married my mother when I was age 5). There was an extremely small paint chip on the wall and he blamed it on me, (yes literally a paint chip and he smacked and hit me until I falsely admitted I did it, which i didn’t, but I admitted it to stop the beating). After then he didn’t touch me, probably because he was scared. (My mother is the bread winner and he would be nothing without my mother, he’d be working class and have nothing). We live pretty well, and nice house, so we have the equity and the money in assets but we are pretty low on cash to be honest. When I was 15 the violence started again, I took a beer out the fridge at 15 (in the UK this is pretty normal seeing as the fact that at 16 you can drink in a restaurant with an adult (over 18) as long as it isn’t liquor.)) he tackled me on the stairs and I stood over him (I have trained in Maui Thai for years now) so I know how to defend myself. Even when I was 15 I was still more skilled than him in fighting. I ran out the house and went missing for a few hours until the police found me. (An AMBER alert equivalent in the UK was issued). The next time I was outside about to smoke some hidden weed I had in the woods next to my house, (in the UK weed is shunned upon but in the US ik it isn’t in certain states this)((BECAUSE IS LIVE NOW IN CALIFORNIA)) a car pulled up next to me as I walked out the house retrieve such weed, I was scared for my life, thought I was about to be robbed. I ran back to the house (less than 30 yards away) my dad was standing there and accused me of going up to the car and dealing drugs, he threatened to empty my pockets and I refused (I had rolling paper and a lighter) and I knew if I exposed that The beating or punishment would be worse. He kept hassling me until my mother got involved, he pushed her away and she fell to the ground. That was the final straw, I jumped on him and brought him to the ground, I punched and kicked an kneed till
I could get away; I ran upstairs and called the police. They arrived and talked to us, tried to tell us we need councillors (my step father should have been arrested) but the UK police never believe kids. After that, nothing happened until we loved to the US. I was play fighting with my little sisters nanny, a girl who I consider my sister, she quite literally is 10 years my senior and she’s like my older sister, my step dad was in the garage and he saw something (apparently us kissing). This was quite possibly the most disgusting and horrible claim he could ever put before me, I know he’s got no idea and mental issue because everything he sees he fears the worst, like he apparently saw me go up to that car and ‘drug deal’ when I never did, he apparently saw me kissing a girl I considered my sister. It’s all
In his head, it’s all absolutely f*cking bullshit. On the night he accused me on kissing the nanny I ran to my room and my little sister and my mum were also Inter room while he kicked the door, tried to break it down, I was quite literally armed with a 40lbs plate that I was going to throw at his head is he entered the room. The last time he beat me was recently when I was 19 years old. My parents were arguing and I shouted for them to shut up, he stormed over and tried it with me, again I was over him, (I’m 5’7 he’s 6 foot something) but I can fight he can’t, a lot of it is a blur but I remember just running to the living room and then before I left to go to my apartment (I usually stay at the weekend at their house) he attacked me again. That was the last time. When I broke up with my girlfriend in December 2020 I lost myself completely I went into months and months of depression (which I am still in), I just can’t admit it sometimes. I had suffered from behavioural and anger problems for years and I never suspected it to be anything mentally But the break up lead me to go to a psychiatrist who I told all of the above too, obviously, I was diagnosed with BPD, I always doubt diagnosis but this I couldn’t, every symptom is me currently. And when he told me my symptoms are borderline I just knew it. However my BPD has gotten alot worse, I haven’t been able to sleep properly waking up at 3am, having ridiculous dreams and nightmares. I’m lost bro, absolutely lost. I can’t talk to my parents because they blame me smoking weed (which I hardly do and haven’t for 3 months now, and I was never that addicted) and that’s their only excuse because their denial is extreme e my mum will protect my step dad all she can because she’ll never admit the abuse. And my step dad, I’m too scared to ever talk
To him and tell him this. MY final question is HOW DO I TELL MY PARENTS (SPECIFICALLY MY STEP DAD) THAT THEY/HE (specifically) CAUSED ME TO DEVELOP SUCH A HORRIBLE MENTAL DISORDER THAT HAS PLAGUED ME FOR MY WHOLE LIFE?