I'm almost ending everything. I've been hanging between this dilemma since I was a little girl.Doctor said it's depression triggered by ptsd. Tough childhood, but nice future. Now I have friends, good grades, good community, happy family (?). I'll not end because my family is helping a lot. But is hard to take care of myself when I cannot stand my image on the mirror. My hair is a mess and I get stressed when touched, so it's hard to let my family help me with that. I can't sleep or I have terrible nightmare about the past. Even praying don't help anymore, but I don't wanna give up. I want to leave this country and start again far away from my childhood. I want to met a kind man and maybe have a daughter that I will protect and love like no one protect/love me in the past. But for that to happen, I really need to stay alive. It's like part of me is so hurt that she can't stand anymore. She just wants to fade and die. But I need to stay strong. Everyday I pray and repeat that it's all over. The horrible past is the past. That if I am alive, I have a future and need to fight for it. That I need to fight for me. When I was little, I had to fight with my surroundings. Now, what a irony, I need to fight my past self that lives in my mind. Just a rant after a nightmare... "Fight for a better future"