I'm afraid of death as much as the next guy, so when someone young dies, I sometimes think to myself that at least I have that going for me, the fact that I'm not dead yet.

But then I think that they were probably a normal person with friends, a job and maybe a relationship. They just got unlucky. We're not the same.

There is nothing except death that would take away the total failure I am in every imaginable way. But death makes us all equal, right? Thinking that death would make me equal to a normal person makes it so much more appealing to me. It wouldn't matter that I failed at everything if I no longer existed.

Since I haven't any hope of ever being normal in this life, death will be my highest point, in a sense. If only it was easier to get there. Damn you, survival instinct!