Me to my mother:

Yeah cuz if you think you'd be backed into a corner, your survival instinct will take over. 
But it reality you're not being backed into a corner at all 
You've just been given a mirror to look at what pain you cause. 
Stop looking away from it. Face it. I had to face my own mirror. 
Those words you have said to me over and over and over have made me believe they are true. I've lived in fear and self loathing that I sabotage relationships before they can hurt me because survival instinct in the most unhealthy way is what you taught me. 
When you're hurting, you don't go and make the other person feel worse; you own it. 
I do not want to hear that you have "nothing to say" or "do you know how much pain you've caused me" 
This is NOT about me. This is about your own mirror exposing your fears, your triumphs, your mistakes, your survival, and true reality. Not everyone is out to get you. I'm not Evelyn, Earl, Lois, Renee, or anyone else that you should have been able to trust. I should not be made to think I'm worthless by my own mother. You did that. You refuse to see it. You refuse to see your behaviors. I have so many flashbacks that I know the fucking pain you have. Triggers. Words. Smells. Dates. A MIRROR. You're still the 10 year old girl who had to become an adult when your mom passed away. You've reacted and reality left you as a way of coping with the pain. You became numb to it. Your body was just a shell that you don't give two shits about but on the inside it's dark and lonely and scary. 
So when triggered, that survival instinct comes raging out. Leaving a path of destruction. You hurt people. You don't remember shit you say or do because you need them to feel what you're feeling. 
In reality though, no matter how mad or hurt you are, no one is in your brain. Changing the way you react and putting a mirror in front of you would bring light to how damaging your survival instinct actually is. 
It's toxic, unhealthy, and causes so much more pain. 
I'm not the only person you've taught this to; you've taught it to Melissa. 
Your mom didn't die and leave you to fend for the entire family
Your father didn't do his job as a father to protect you all from harm. He chose Evelyn over and over and over even though he knew the abuse she caused. 
But you know what? That's all you knew. Survival. 
Knock it off, get up, brush yourself off, and look in the mirror. Say the things out loud that I typed to you. 
See just how many times you remember hearing those words yourself. 
Watch yourself cry and get angry 
Then realize it can be changed. It doesn't have to be like that. 
It's not supposed to be. 
I'm supposed to feel loved and nurtured from you but instead I feel and continue to feel rejection, worthlessness, fear, and loss of any and all hope that I won't end up just like you.