Basically my friend who I’ve known for years has been bringing me out with a couple other people for the last 3 months. I became friends to them over that time and such. I have massive social anxiety that I’ve left untreated for years. But it’s hard for me to trust people based on previous experiences. I can be a bit much as I also have extremely impulsive ADHD. I didn’t think they actually liked me after like 2 months just cause I’m me and historically people that my friend has introduced me too have had issues with me. Anyways, these people actually liked me. Well they still do I think. It’s just this last week has been nothing but anxiety filled thoughts. 

My friend and I got into a bit of a situation on Saturday night when we were with them all. I thought he told me I was being too much and me panicking not wanting to mess up around these people left the bar. It was a whole mess. I was black out drunk. When I came back in he was crying and left. Don’t remember half of it. The thing is I am a stress case. For years I let my OCD go untreated and then it developed into severe social anxiety which has left me with super low self esteem and confidence. Im super impulsive and tend to bottle frustrations up. Which leads to me sending messages and texts I shouldn’t. Not usually anything mean or bad just stupid shit like this “break up text”. So my friend basically couldn’t take it anymore. He felt like he was always responsible for me and making excuses for my loudness at times. Which is fair. He told me he wasn’t going to include me with them anymore. Then I had like a breakdown Sunday night. The majority of last week was me pissed at myself for fucking up and overthinking. I thought they know though I was like some psycho kid or something. Also because my friend wasn’t going to include me anymore, I didn’t think I’d see them ever again. So Thursday morning it just all came out. I got drunk at 10 AM. And send them both a massive text basically asking if I should remove them cause it’s really hard on me. Turns out they didn’t have any issue with me. They didn’t seem to mind the texts and were like we love you it’s okay. We all want to be friends with you. Obviously I felt pretty stupid. But I’m so sick of all these insecurity’s creating stories in my head that just aren’t true cause my impulsive ass always acts on them.