Earlier this year I raised my Effexor due to feeling some blues and minor depressive symptoms after my first surgery, which I had a problematic recovery. It was my first rise to my 75mg dosage in over 3 years. 

The next 2 months were chaos. I started painting and went out every weekend to buy things. I was having trouble sleeping. But then it got worse. I was having panic attacks at work and experiencing unnatural movements and spasms, and I was having trouble making it through the day with minor stressors. I’ve experienced episodes of instability like this in the past, and I wasn’t all too worried. Then the delusions started. I haven’t had delusions since I was 17, during my first long term manic episode. 

This time I was once again convinced that the fetus my mom miscarried before me was somehow connected to me, and that I shouldn’t be here and they should take my place. I was telling my family that the world was making signs to tell me I shouldn’t be here anymore. After an emergency doctor appointment, I was informed this was another manic episode as a result of an increased SSNI, and my meds were immediately adjusted and I took a short leave from work. 

That was about 2 1/2 months ago, and I can’t even begin to describe the change in me now that I’m on a different regiment. It feels like that person was simply not me, even though I know it was. I’m really glad I’ve given medication and doctors a chance, because in the past I felt like I could manage it on my own. 

So if you read this far, remember to be open to new avenues of treatment and self care, be aware of your symptoms, and reach out to your loved ones if things go south. You never know how something so small can affect so much, and how one change can help you improve so much.