I feel like I keep manipulating all the mental health professionals. All my life! :(

I've had about 10 different diagnoses in my life. Depression, BPD, non-specified personality disorder, social phobia,  acute polymorphic psychotic disorder without symptoms of schizophrenia, PTSD, ADHD... the list goes on!!

The weird thing is... I don't get diagnosed and I'm like "Whoaaa! So that's the issue here!"... no. I google around the internet. I search for stuff. I think about what could be wrong with me. Then I have a diagnose in my head and then I get diagnosed. It has ALWAYS been that way. ALWAYS.

I WANTED to get diagnosed with BPD. I WANTED to get diagnosed with ADHD. I WANTED to get diagnosed with polymorphic psychotic disorder. I WANTED to get diagnosed with PTST.

I am very smart. I know how to present myself as a kinda medium severe case. So it's not obvious that I want to get diagnosed. I also play dumb. 

I don't know. I want to get prescribed stimulants because I feel like it could help me with my social issues and my concentration issues. Sounds like legit ADHD, right? I also didn't really lie or anything. I geniunely become those mental illnesses to a certain degree.

It just feels like I keep morphing into other mental illnesses. But what's my core issue? I have no fucking idea! :( 

Maybe I'm just freaking out right now over nothing. Possible, yea. But something is NOT RIGHT here. Honestly. Something is not right. I don't know what. It drives me crazy. It's getting worse, not better. I keep "healing" from my mental illnesses. I have no more PTSD symptoms, no more depression symptoms, no more psychotic symptoms, barely any BPD symptoms left... but?!?!?! I don't even know..... :(

My core issue is getting worse though. I'm so fucking isolated and alianted. I can't keep a job. I'm just lost. I just had the chance to get a completely objective diagnostic, but it didn't happen. My therapist mentioned ADHD to him. I mentioned ADHD. I got questions for ADHD. It was all about ADHD. So I was ADHD. I was presenting ADHD. Morphing into ADHD. I don't know...