I sought help for about a full year. Probably a little longer. I found a psychiatrist so I could continue my medications, which is great, but I started to realize maybe I needed to go back to therapy as well. My mental health kept getting worse and worse and so I looked for help. For four months I searched for a therapist with a doctorate who had worked with LGBT people with MDD, anxiety, and autism, and *finally* found one. Well for whatever reason after our first meeting (which seemed to go fine!) she would cancel last-minute when appointments were scheduled. This went on for another three months before I gave up. 

Finally I found another therapist after another three months of searching. Our first meeting went really well! I was looking forward to our next. Then my job changed our insurance and all of a sudden neither my therapist nor my psychiatrist are covered, and if I even want to contact them to tell them what’s going on I’ll have to pay the out of pocket price ($200-$300) thanks to how that teleheapth app functions. 

Okay, fine. Another setback. So apparently this new insurance is supposed to be “so much better” than our old insurance, and I’ll be able to find much better resources. Well so far I’ve found no one. Every psychiatrist I’ve tried to schedule with is unavailable or cancels. Every “therapist” is either just a social worker or counselor, or also isn’t taking patients. I’ve found maybe one or two that are actually doctors or have more than two years of experience.

Time after time I keep getting “So-And-So” can’t see you or “So-And-So has cancelled their appointment with you” (in some cases even after confirming the appointment the day before!!!) and it’s getting old. I’m almost out of my meds now and I’m weaning myself off because it’s looking like I’m not getting a refill anytime soon. 

I’m so tired. I think at this point I just give up. I think this is just whatever powers that be telling me I’m on my own. I don’t know how else to take it. Regardless, I’m done and tired and I give up. I’m just going to let whatever results from this happen, it’s not like I have any other choices. I just really wish it didn’t have to come to this. I hate feeling so hopeless. I was really trying to get better…