So it finally happened. My bf of 4 years couldn’t handle it anymore and wants to end things. Looking back at how many episodes/splitting behaviors I had, I’m surprised we lasted that long. 

I ruined everything. My mental illness drained the life and soul out of him and now he’s leaving. I guess more than the sadness of losing someone you love, is the feeling of absolute guilt. It was my illness that hurt him over and over. I have no one to blame but myself. 

BPD is an absolute monster. I am a monster.