I always see other people who look better than me and I always wish I was them. It’s one of the things in my life I wish I could change so bad that I can’t. My nose fucking sucks, I have this wide African nose. I also wish my head was longer. And different eye colors too but I don’t really care about that. I just wish I looked more arab or European than west African. The reason why I don’t get jealous of people who are smarter than me is because that could actually happen if I put effort into myself, but my looks is the only thing that I can’t control. 
I also am legit close with nobody. I’ve never been to a party, I’ve never even been out with friends before or have gone to a friends house since I was like 12. And that is one of the only times I’ve been to a friends house before too.
Im not close with nobody, I don’t talk to any of my family other than both of my grandparents. I don’t got any cousins that I talk to or uncles. don’t got any cousins who I can turn to if I was going through personal shit or nothing, nor friends. I’m not special in anyones life. I’m nobodies best friend. I’m so lonely. Im tired of checking Reddit and Instagram to see if anybody replied to my posts or dmed me. Im always putting in effort but never getting it reciprocated back, which is something that would happen to me if I was attractive. wish I was attractive so girls would blow up my phone. The only thing I could ever wish for was to be more attractive and then I would feel hella better about my life. It doesn’t even matter if I am still stupid as I am now. I just want to be more attractive. I also don’t even want to be attractive so that other people talk to me. I just wan to be attractive in order to please myself. 

Maybe if I was attractive she would talk to me again.

I hope that I get killed in a car crash and given a new life as a completely different person, more attractive like one of the popular kids at my school.