With BPD, we tend to act on impulse as many of you know. Whether it be spending money or eating or making plans, we act many times based on an immediate feeling. Many people trained in psychology have explained this as a self soothing mechanism in order to help cope with our own perceived inadequate identies. (Seems fair enough. I tend to overeat on impulse when I feel alone or spend money when I feel i need nicer things to prove something-what I don't know)

When we react on impulse though, we tend to regret many of the things we acted on, just like anyone would. On the surface, it always seems better to plan things out than to act on emotion. 

So, we act on emotion right? Mostly. That's our card. Then we feel bad afterwards because we know we shouldn't have done that and that just helps devalue ourselves even more. 

In regards to people, and I'm sure many can relate, all the times I have acted on impulse to spend time with someone, whether a FP or just a friend, most of the time(let's say 90%), they were unable to meet those needs. Back in the old days before I knew what the fuck was wrong with me, this really upset me and made my splitting only worse and I would percieve them to have some sort of grievance with me. This of course is unfair and entirely unrealistic to expect someone to be able to hang out with no notice, or even inclination. 

What I started to do about 2 months ago instead was plan more. If i had an impulse, I changed the timing of the impulse so if I sent that would have read "hey let's hang out", I instead will write "hey let's hang out later this week". 

This manages your own moods and expectations and proves that your friends are your friends or that they do like you. 

Most of the time they follow through and people can be forgiven if something comes up but the important difference is feeling justified in your reaction. If you make plans and your friend cancels on that day, you are justified in being upset because you know it was a plan and not an impulse. 

It will also help you realize who is really worth your time and who isn't. I remember making plans with a friend I thought was a friend but he would just cancel about 70% of the time with some excuse and I simply cut him out of my life. Turned out it was a good choice because after reflection on the friendship, he was just a self centered asshole with narcissist tendencies. 

Anyway. Planning helps