I (25F) met someone online (26F) three months ago who lives a few states away from me. She has visited a few times and with the way things were going, it seriously felt like we would end up in a relationship. We both admitted we had strong feelings for one another and we weren't talking to anyone else.

However, these past couple weeks I've grown excessively clingy and have been splitting on her daily. She finally told me that while she does still care for me, she is too overwhelmed to handle this on top of her own mental health issues (depression, anxiety, PTSD).

I've been begging her for the past week to stay since my black and white thinking can't comprehend how someone supposedly still "likes me" but isn't willing to put in the effort to try and make things work. However, my begging has only driven her further away. 

Last night when I knew she was asleep, I texted her a false claim that I was about to k*ll myself but that it had nothing to do with her. Truthfully while I do have thoughts of it daily, I never would actually go through with it.

I've had exes threaten to k*ll themselves in the past when I've tried breaking up with them and it completely traumatized me, and I know that she's also had exes do this to her too (some of it is even is what caused her PTSD).

I feel disgusted with myself that I went this far just to try and see if this would get her to stay. I can't stop crying because of how guilty I feel.

I know what I did was wrong, but has anyone else done this in the past? What was your reasoning for making the claim to someone, and what did you do/feel after saying it?