I feel like I'm being manipulated and guilted into sex. I feel like my trauma is getting ignored because their trauma is somehow more important. I feel like I'm being treated like shit and the excuse is a "mental disorder" - as if I don't also have several of those - and they say they aren't choosing to act this way but they're also doing nothing to rectify it, meanwhile I am trying so hard to fight my anxiety and my trauma responses to make our relationship work.

But everyone leaves me, so I know I must be more toxic than I believe I am. Of course I think I'm usually right. So why did my best friend of 15 years suddenly ghost me? I must have done something fucked up and *I don't even realize it.* I thought I was so self aware but friendships don't just end like that for no reason. What am I doing to my FP now? How the hell do I know? Yes I've tried asking them (sorta) but they say my only problem is just not making them feel wanted due to my anxiety which, like I said, I'm working on. I have a hard time believing that's the only fucked up thing I'm doing.