I'm happy with him sometimes but it's mostly hard work. I've lost my motivation increasingly throughout the relationship, to do things I liked to do before. 
I'm pretty sure I'm depressed. I just found out that my dad sexually abused me as a kid.  On top of that I just got called to cancercheck because the doctor found a lump in my breast the other day.
My boyfriend asked me if I was feeling blue today. Not as a comfort but as a question, because Ive been quiet. Im usually the talker.

I feel like if he was more empathic he wouldnt have to ask me if I was having a hard time. He would just know due to what is happening and send some supporting words.
I really feel like he is being an asshole.
 
Ive been getting support from friends and family so I dont feel alone and Im lucky in that way. They have all offered to go with me to the hospital. 
I just wish I didnt have to ask my boyfriend to be there for me and that it would happen automatically.
 
I needed to vent so I don't do it to him.
Ive been feeling before that Im lonely in the relationship and the same feelings are coming up again. Im feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all.