I have been suicidal for more than 6 years and I have tried taking my own life. However I’m at the final straw, I moved different to a different country all by myself away from my family to fix myself and have a better quality of life. I do definitely have a better quality of life. 

However the downturn is the living is so expensive that I cannot finically afford. I like my job, however I get payed shit. Also I don’t have any help. It’s getting way to expensive that I will be going completely broke just paying rent, essentials, gas, therapy and other stuff. I’m halfway done finishing my course, to get a good paying job. But that’s not until like another 6 months or so. I cannot wait that long to see the fruits if I’m already struggling now and also it’s so hard to get a job in the field that I want. I’m determined to get my dream job, it’s just the time period that I’m impatient. I wish I had a good quality of life and had a good childhood at my home, so I didn’t had to make such a massive sacrifice. 

I’m giving myself a time period to see how everything goes. If not then I will be having to take my own life because I’m not going to back home when that was the reason why I wanted to take my own life at first. I don’t actually want to take my own life but that’s the only solution for me.