I have been so depressed, pmdd and seasonal depression are killing me, as is the usual family trauma stuff. No interest in anything. Don’t want to go outside, or cook, or play music, or spend time with my dog, just don’t really care about anything. But when i get high i have interest in things again. 

It’s making me feel like i should be starting my day with weed or something. I have been struggling all day and now that I’ve had edibles i feel good, i feel like maybe i should put on some warm clothes and eat some pecan pie and take my dog out on a walk in the cold (we like the cold). It’s just making my brain do that thing where i can give a shit about something enough to even WANT to do it. I don’t know. I feel crazy. I cooked 2 things today and haven’t even eaten either of them, i just ate chips and went to bed. I wish i could tell my friends how bad it is and how much pain I’m in lately but they’ve heard it before, i feel so alone. I keep wishing this will be my last year or that somehow my life will wind down enough for me to end my life without anyone really caring. So any relief i can get is good. But i feel kind of crazy and maybe i am a terrible person for relying on weed.