i am not seeing a therapist or psychiatrist for any of my mental stuff. i have only realised recently that my thought process is unhealthy - i always thought ending myself would solve everything. and i have been thinking like this since i was a literal primary school child. i’m in my early 20s now.

i don’t know how to tell my friends about my depression. since the term is so loosely used nowadays i feel like people wouldn’t really take me seriously and think i just wanted attention (we all know people like that in our lives).

the other day, i mustered up my courage and told my best friend that i had been feeling so stressed and depressed, and that i thought about suicide a lot recently. her response was “you’re insane” in a dismissive tone. i stopped talking to her about it after this.

i saw a comment on one of the posts in this sub saying they often think about how people would react at their funeral. i am genuinely curious to see how my best friend and my ex best friends would react lol. they better not be saying shit like “i miss her” and “we were good friends”, you guys literally did not give a shit when i had onset anorexia and depressive episodes. 

TL;DR: i told my friend that i wanted to die and she basically completely dismissed my feelings lol