hello ! i’m 16, and i would like to hear from someone who knows they have/has been diagnosed with BPD. i’m not in a financial state to get diagnosis for anything currently, as well as my ignorant father who does not believe in my mental illnesses, and simply will not take me to the doctor for it specifically. my next visit to the doctor i plan to bring it up, but that’s why i would like to talk with someone so i can be sure my speculations are valid.

i have recently been speculating as to whether or not i may have bpd. i’m aware a lot of symptoms overlap with adhd, ocd, depression and the like, and i’ve done a lot of research. the biggest (obviously not the only) concern i have is when it comes to anger. i get very angry, very easy, very fast. when i do i have to keep myself alone to avoid hurting myself or someone else, or stay off my phone to avoid saying or doing something dramatic. i feel the need to be everyone’s concern, however i know i have to be left alone. however, i am afraid of being left alone. due to trauma, i have an intense fear of abandonment. i’ve moved a lot and this has caused me trauma as well. my current best friend is the only best friend i’ve had, she is the only constant in my life, and i would say i am what you would call “obsessed” with her (not in a romantic way, just as a person and as my best friend). whenever she hangs out with anyone else and i’m not there, i feel the need to be upset. i feel incredibly upset, forgotten, abandoned, and angry. i feel the need to guilt trip and be the center of attention. if she says anything to me that i may take as rejection, i feel abandoned or rejected, and i go into this sort of episode. ironically enough, despite my aching fear of abandonment, my go-to self destructive tendency is to self-isolate. i delete all the messaging and social apps from my phone. i tend to be dramatic about it, and i’ve been this way since middle school (which, i also consider the source of most, if not, all of my worst trauma). 

if i could talk with someone with BPD that could help me figure it out, or at least let me know whether my speculations are valid and sound like bpd, or if it’s something else entirely, i would appreciate it a lot!