I Have dealt with depression for as long as I can remember. Had very bad social anxiety in highschool and it was basically downhill from there mentally and then I got a job at a grocery store where I still work today (just about to be 29!), never liked it and never will. Could be a manager if I wanted but I don't want to. Customer Service is not me at all. 

I kind of hate who I have become, I feel like I've gone so far off track from my true self I hope there is still hope for me. I don't really have any strong relationships, my reaction to the anxiety as I was growing up was to isolate myself and avoid social interaction at all costs and it became mostly a subconscious reaction like a survival instinct. My social skills are probably comparable to that of a 12 year old now. Have never had a girlfriend even though I am pretty attractive and athletic, I would pretty much ignore any girl who would hit on me.

I did go to community college and got an associates in Communications and New Media. Lived in dorms the first semester and tried to mingle but I just hated it so much and became so depressed so I started commuting for the remainder. Have been living in the parents basement pretty much my whole life. Don't feel like dating anyone if I don't even like myself, especially if I'm living in the basement.

I have two YouTube channels, one is over 100k subs and the other almost 80k. I film at local motorsports events and edit highlight videos. But even this feels very off and I have been thinking of "quitting" or at least taking an indefinite break. But then I would definitely need to find a "real" stable career with a good future and I don't even know where to start as far as that goes. I spend hours scrolling through Indeed and everything sounds terrible. So I feel very much stuck. I've got a good size savings account and could afford an apartment but am so unmotivated to get one because I have no reason to get one other than just to move out, and then what? 

Have considered buying a house so I can try and start a business buying and selling cars and car parts and I guess that's the only idea I can come up with for myself. Looked at a few houses with an agent in 2020 but everyone wanted big money for junk houses so I stopped looking and yeah, I may have to edit this later. Thanks for reading!