I have about every diagnosis in the book with BPD as the driving force. I’ve been in a really great place lately, physically and emotionally and then life happened. 

I got a stress fracture in my foot requiring a boot limiting my exercise to only swimming. And then I had a mole removed for biopsy, leaving a quarter sized wound on my stomach taking swimming out of the equation, especially since I’m a heart transplantee, putting me at high risk for infection. Though, I have been lifting weights a bit for some movement. 

After a few days of pain from the wound and foot (that I’m pretty sure I re-injured), I’m absolutely defeated. I’m immobilized and extremely frustrated. I decided to take a couple benzos , drink and smoke a j to chill, even though I know it’s not wise nor effective. 

My depression is setting in. I’m also frustrated my therapist doesn’t offer communication outside of therapy so I have no one to turn to for advice, yet he replies to text in our sessions to his other patients. 

I’m feeling very impulsive, agitated, annoyed, frustrated, depressed. All the bad feelings. I tried TIP but my urges are starting to take over. I haven’t coped this way in well over a month and I’m a bit scared that I might get to a place where I’m no longer in control. 

I also started a new job after 3 years of recovering from the heart transplant. I’m afraid I’m about to mess everything up, as I tend to get hypo-manic with SI after prolonged depressive fits.  Exercise is crucial in keeping me stable mentally and physically and finally got into a good routine all to be pushed back down. 

Needing advice.