First, it was just actual regular ole anxiety. Then it turned into debilitating depersonalizarion and depression. I felt off all the time. I felt disconnected from the world, then derealization. Then panic attacks, then it turned into LITERAL physical symptoms like heartburn, then stomach pain, then headaches, sleeping too much. It goes on and on. Its now turned into when i get anxious i feel like im going to vomit, 160 heart rate, high blood pressure, pressure in my neck, burning in my knees and hands, chest pain, neck pain, heart palpitations. I also suffer from some weird something that causes me to feel faint before using the restroom, i feel faint and sick and then im fine afterwards. 

Im about to start therapy so hopefully this will stop soon. I was able to fight it this time with some mindfulness, but the physical symptoms themselves make me fear death because they are always, of course, markers of things that could kill me. I have to remind myself every single time that i wouldnt be second guessing.

But of course when my grandmother died, i was really upset. I was just regular sad, no anxiety and i wasnt intensely stressed about it because we had some forewarning. But then i developed intense crushing chest pain, my heart rate was over 200. I wasnt even anxious at that point in time. I get to the hospital thinking im having a heart attack and low and behold, its just anxiety. Wtf man.