Last night I broke up with my boyfriend.  He didnt even do anything wrong he was so good to me the entire time and even though he couldnt quite understand what i go through on a daily basis he was still so supportive and considerate.   when i split on him he wouldnt lash out back.  Even as I broke up with him he was understanding.  we cried for two hours in my car.  i kept apologizing and told him it was because i loved him that i had to do this.  but the thing is i always do this when things start to get actually serious and emotionally intimate.  ive hurt people so bad before and i didnt want to break him like i did others, hes too good for that.  but then theres the flip side to it where i feel like one day he wouldve gotten tired of what a struggle i am and leave me... and there wouldve been no way i couldve survived it.  so now back to being numb.  why cant i let myself have good things