I used to have suicidal thoughts often, but I wouldn’t tell anybody because I didn’t have many friends and felt like nobody would care. Then, I met my girlfriend. I never told her about my suicidal thoughts because whenever I was with her, they went away. She smoked weed, and I hate smoking because of my dad, and I asked her to quit. About one and a half months later, I found out she lied about it. I was really mad over the weekend, because it hurt my trust, but I told her I wasn’t leaving. My mom convinced me that I was being a little too hard on her, so on monday, I told my girlfriend I overreacted and explained why I overreacted and what I felt over the weekend. She flipped the situation around made me the bad guy in the situation, and I kept apologizing for being an asshole and said I wanted to make this relationship work and wanted to move on, but we ended up breaking up anyway, and now I can’t get suicidal thoughts out of my head. It feels like a weight being pressed down onto my chest, and I don’t know what to do. I’m afraid I might do it really soon. I’m just tired of being the bad guy. Everybody always blames me, and I’m tired of it. I hate that I’m always the asshole no matter what.