TW: SH, mentions of OD

Tomorrow before college I will cut myself on my thighs for the stingy pain there is after. I will take one of my relatives anxiety pills (ones that work instantly) and drink as much alcohol as I can without puking. The pills are safe to mix with alcohol.
I don’t want to be discouraged. I just feel like I’m screaming into the void. No matter what I do, I cant cure my anxiety on my own. I cant even step into a classroom. I want this method to work. It has to.