it's been really hard keeping all of this to myself for so long. i spoke to some exes about issues i've been dealing with as far as paranoia and hallucinations and intrusive thoughts... and i finally have a therapist now who is actually intelligent and can give me a diagnosis (if there is one to be had) and she began asking me about symptoms i've been experiencing in relation to psychosis. 

i had two sessions answering her questions and next session she will give me her assessment.

i can give some more backstory if y'all are interested, but i don't want to overshare.

i'm so excited and i feel like i'm finally coming to terms with the full scope of my mental illnesses.

i told my therapist i didn't experience visual hallucinations but that's not entirely true... i absolutely have. i don't know why but i want to hide my truth so badly. i'm so terrified of getting labeled crazy and being ostracized by my friends and family. i don't want anyone to look at me differently. i feel like i finally have everyone thinking that i can manage on my own as an adult and hold down a corporate job. i just can't keep living like this. it's become apparent to me that i will never be able to maintain a romantic relationship if i can't let someone in without hurting them in the process due to my not fully understanding what's going on with me.

this is my first post on this sub. i hope nobody i know sees this.