I’m really tired of living. I don’t have any enjoyment and there’s no relief. I’m trying to better myself and move forward but it’s so hard and I constantly feel like I’m swimming upstream. The last few years especially have been hard. I’ve always suffered from depression but it’s just gotten worse over the years. I don’t enjoy anything anymore and have zero ambition, I just don’t care. It makes it hard to move forward and motivate myself because I feel everything is meaningless. I just want to isolate and be alone. My dad passed away in august and that’s made it worse. I don’t have any friends because I’ve pushed them all away over the years. I just moved back to New York City (after being away for a couple years) to try and pursue a new beginning and better job. I just feel really lonely and unmotivated and I don’t want to be here anymore. I’m 33 years old and I thought I would have more to show for my life. I don’t have a partner, no friends, no job, no home. This part of me tells me I have nothing because I’m a worthless bad person who doesn’t deserve anything good in my life. I just want to die.