Ive posted countless times in the the past few days within this subreddit- I have been very close to suicide a number of times in recent weeks. Ive come across something interesting today somewhat by accident which someone with BPD suggested has changed their life- Trauma Releasing Exercises. I paid for a book which lists the 7 exercises and tried them out earlier....yes I was shaking like crazy, didnt get a emotional release yet. 
 Maybe Im getting too excited in suggesting this after doing the exercises one time....but its just a suggestion, may or may not work. Theres videos on youtube for free showing the exercises or ask me and Ill send you the book. FOR NOW I feel fine, not great, but fine- relaxed and not suicidal. As we know this thing is a total B*****d.....the swings are atrocious.... so I dont want to get my hopes too up. When I think about the girl who I believed triggered this episode at this moment it hurts a little regarding certain things- but nothing major. Probably how a normal person would feel in my situation having not much to do but overthink :)
 But one thing I did manage earlier after the exercises....a genuine smile for no apparent reason....felt like myself somewhat again. 
 Just thought Id throw this out there especially seeing Ive got so much help/support from everyone here. Nothing to lose to those who are struggling. Anyone who tries them please report back with the impact. Much Love all.