I was triggered earlier during the day after my boyfriend of 4 years didn’t invite me to his super bowl party he hosted.  Because the people he invited don’t like me. 
 
This is what my bf texted me… 

((I was with my son all fuckin day yesterday and all night. I woke up early to clean and organize the entire fucking backyard for the party.. I’ve been going non fucking stop. And my whole family came over and friends…. Why tf do you always act surprised??? You know Godamn well my son is gonna be here…. Amber was here….. Richard is here…… molly is here…. How and why in the living fuck are you acting like you were supposed to be invited ?!?!?!

You fucking knew what I had planned 

I don’t fucking understand you )))






I tried to make the best of the day since it was my only day off I had all week, and I went to the beach with my son.  Wasn’t too long after that my son wanted to go back to his dads house. I broke down… that no one wants to spend time with me.. no one loves me.  I am not important. I wanted to beg and plead for my son not to leave me. I just laid down in silence and cried, my child held me when I was in my crying spells, unable to soothe myself. The guilt is overwhelming that I cannot cope and I am weak for letting my son see me like this. I know I need to admit myself, the thoughts of hurting myself are so painful and overwhelming. I cannot afford to admit myself, I can afford to have help.  The bills will only pile up…On top of everything I think I m pregnant by my bf, just too afraid to take a test. I just needed to vent…