27F.

TLDR -I've convinced myself for a long time that I'm "fine". But I don't think I actually am. I've been really good at acting "fine", to the point where no one believes me when I say I have issues. Asked my doctor for help, (I feel like she doesn't know me that well, she sees me maybe once a year), and she said I'm fine, I just have general anxiety. I asked if I could see a psychologist and she said I didn't really need one. She said she would call me next week, and asked me to write down every disorder I think I have, and why I think I have it.

What should I even say to convince her that I'm not okay? Am I just faking everything?


--boring details
I have regular mental breakdowns (and highs, but those aren't debilitating, I just act stupid and make stupid choices). I was diagnosed with OCD and ODD as a child, I just found out about that this year. Was diagnosed last week with a borderline auditory processing disorder- specifically with binaural integration and processing, multiple people talking to me at once literally makes me panic and I'll end up crying if I don't get away to somewhere quieter. I feel like I could be on the spectrum too. I'm paranoid about everything. I tried smoking weed to help with my nerves and it causes actual hallucinations and psychosis. Even one puff makes me feel crazy. My grandma had severe schizophrenia. I think I have adhd, I'm all over the place. 


Wtf do i say or do, I wasn't able to go to work last week and I am dreading going back on Monday. I can't communicate my issues properly and it's causing total mental hell for me