This feeling is the worst, it feels like I'm dying. It feels like I'm resetting over and over, burning up one copy of myself to make another, to repeat this cycle over and over and over and over and over. I lose everything and build myself back up, slowly regaining my composure, and then I do it again and again and again. I want to be free of all of this. I don't want to be a burden to my friends, I don't want to doubt my friends and that they care about me, but I feel so alone, so very alone. I'm by myself, I'm struggling to stay afloat, and I don't know how much more of this I can take. How many more times do I have to die? My friends say they care but hardly anyone is there for me, I know people have their own problems and their own lives to attend to, I don't know... I used to be someone who helped anyone and everyone but no one can help me even if they tried to, so I live despite being irreparable. I've survived so much, and I don't know how much more I can take. I know I'll be okay soon enough, I know I'll rubberband and be alright and then bounce between these states, and that in the end that enough of me will survive to rebuild again and again, but I'm so tired. I'm not me anymore, just a loose abstract interpretation of me, I'm just a general guideline of someone. I want to get better, to be better. I want to stop doubting my friends but I keep shifting between feeling like I've been betrayed and left to rot or that I caused them to leave.