I’m currently on my second semester of college, graduating high school as the class of 2021. My father was a professional athlete and my mom works numerous jobs to keep the money flowing in. I love them both dearly and they’ve given me a wonderful life. However, I tend to get in arguments with my mother constantly because we won’t always see eye to eye on certain topics. These topics include gender, relationships, sexual orientation, and just regular things such as that. 

It starts off as a civil discussion, but then it quickly turns into an argument when irrelevant things get used to knock me down, such as the fact that I was spoiled growing up. This especially irritates me because my entire life, I have never asked for one thing from my parents. They’ve always innately given me things without me asking or even wanting them. I’m extremely grateful for these things, as I know a lot (if not most) of people have it a lot worse off than I do. 

Our arguments usually stem from the fact that my mother has lived a long life, and regardless of what I say, that’s always the point of discussion. We could be talking about apples vs oranges and it would all boil down to, “You’re just spoiled”, or “You don’t know how good you’ve got it”. Not only does this not have any relation to what we’re talking about, but it makes me feel bad because I don’t feel like I’ve acted or portrayed being a spoiled person throughout my life. I love my parents, I do everything they tell me to, I don’t ask questions, and I make sure they’re safe and that they’re emotionally and physically doing okay, as a family member should do. But, it feels like in the back of my mothers head, she just thinks I’m a spoiled kid for even questioning some of the opinions that she has. 

For some more background, I’m a bisexual, 19 year old, male. My bisexuality was also a point of conflict and didn’t exactly pass well when I told either of my parents. The conversation ended something like, “I love you because you’re my son, but I don’t particularly love that part about you”. And that just didn’t sit well with me. On top of that, my parents (specifically my mom) handle most of my finances and she has overall access to my bank account. I’m scared that when I get out of college and when I start to make a life for myself, my mom might hinder me from moving on with my future because she’s always “been in control”. 

With that, I do have some emotional turmoil and I think I might be depressed as I have lost interest in the things I once loved doing such as hanging out with friends, drawing, and being active in general. I’m tired every single day and some days I’ll just get sad without even understanding why I’m sad. Some days I can’t leave the bed because I feel so broken inside and I feel like a failure. It’s gotten better in recent years, as I’m starting to get more active, but I still feel torn inside. I want to see a professional about it, and I’m working on that right now, but I’m somewhat scared as I feel like the pandemic made me even more socially distant then I was before.

I’m not making this post to paint my parents out to be ‘villains’ or ‘bad people’, but I sometimes get concerned as I feel like I don’t even have control over my own life, yet alone my own future. I’m in college right now and I live in an off-campus apartment, and going home can be difficult as I’m afraid of having the same consistent argument with my mother that’s been happening since 2016. I’m willing to put in time and effort, and I’m trying to be as patient as I can, but sometimes it feels like my parents don’t understand how much I love them. And when me and my mother bicker, it makes that even worse.

Thanks for listening to my story, any advice?