Okay this might not be the best place to post this but I think that my anxiety is the cause, so I was wondering if anyone else can relate. 

From a young age, I was very into plush animal toys. I had so many of them, I liked to take care of them and considered them my friends. Then my parents made me get rid of some to make more room and I was sobbing, unable to deal with the pain of choosing which of my friends I had to donate. Because even in my child brain I knew there was a huge likelihood of them ending up in the trash. 

I had trouble cleaning my room as well because I was so attached to everything. I wasn’t a hoarder because I did throw out trash and really non essential items, but pieces of paper with my friends’ writing, little trinkets they gave me—I couldn’t throw those away. They were sentimental and I wanted to always be reminded of them. 

Now even as an adult I have a hard time with waste. I don’t like buying things I know will just end up getting thrown out or will not get used. I hate more than anything knowing something is just sitting there, not getting used or loved. I recently moved away from home and it is so hard for me to be away from my childhood home. Knowing all of my toys are not being used and even things like my guitars, my clothes, etc. that I couldn’t bring with me are just sitting there is heartbreaking. I honestly feel as if inanimate objects have feelings and knowing I’m not there to comfort my things makes me so unbelievably anxious. I didn’t see my folks for a whole year because of covid and the fact that you room just sat there not getting used or loved makes me so sad. I still feel this way with stuffed plush animals too. 

And knowing that someone bought something and then later didn’t need it but it still just sits around? Or when someone buys tickets to a concert and can’t go, but the tickets just sit there unused? It caused me such a great deal of emotion and anxiety, I feel like a sensitive freak because I hate knowing things are being wasted or unloved. Being back home in the states and just seeing all the empty consumerism and waste is making me so sad and anxious. I just want all of the unused things out there to be happy and loved. How can I make this a less anxious topic for me without seeing objects as just disposable because I really don’t. I don’t want to give in to the world of waste and unnecessary. I just want all my things to be happy.