TLDR; whinning 20 yr bozo

I've been struggling with muh bad mood for my whole life. Ever since kindergarten I always got separated from the collective thanks to my autism and adhd disorder. When I tried to approach people or to try findnig a new relations with people, I got denied instantly. I have never had any frens. I cant feel joy because I was forced too eat pills for paying attention during first 3 years on elementary and that killed it in me. Im alone, I feel alone, its hard for me to even talk with my parents.

I got used to loneliness after a while. Never had a gf (and not even interested) no homies to go out for a beer with, Im the definition of a failiure man.I cant get up in the morning......Im not strong or full of will enough. 

Im 20 and my hair is already venting. Nothing to cheer me up too. 

On January, 11th Im gonna celebrate a year since my unsuccessful suicide attempt. Yes, Im so bad that I cant even kill myself. I ate 40 sleeping pills and have cut my veins on hand. Guess what: As I fell asleep, hand pushed against the bed and closing vein so no bleeding out. 2 months in asylum were pain and people hated me even more since then. 

I was looking for help. Speaking with parents, 2 of my only frens, Actually visitin a mental guy for 4 months.... But it ended up changing nothing.

I didnt ask to be born, Im not entertained here. I think euthanasia should be possible and legal for people like me. I dont care what do you think about this or me, I dont care about anything at all, I just wanted to get out of me.

Wow you really read it all. Thanks I guess.