I was doing better for a really long time, but since November of last year I have been feeling suicidal. I have tried to talk to my family about it, but they don't seem to understand how scared I am right now. I have a therapist, but I'm having a really hard time talking about my thoughts because I'm disappointed with myself that I'm back here again and I also am hiding it on purpose in a way in case I want to attempt. I also don't have words to describe what I'm going through because there's just so much going on that I don't know how to explain it and capture what I'm feeling. I don't know how to get back in control. I also don't think I want to kill myself, but that hasn't stopped me in the past from attempting. How do I handle this?