I have been working full time while going to school. I hate it. I've always hated school. I don't even want to do what I'm going to school for, but it's being paid for by my union, and I should make more money. I graduate in the fall.

And yet over the last half year things have gotten to the point that when I get a better job I'm basically going to financially be in a similar position to where I was before starting school. 

Cool. Great. I love it. 

To make it better Mt boyfriend is going to nursing school, and part of that time he has to do clinical. Which basically means working 3 days a week with no pay. So I have to pay the rent. That in and of itself doesn't bother me. It's just for a few months. But I honestly don't know how I'm gonna do it anymore. I really and truly don't. I can barely afford rent right now. And that's with it split. 

So I here I am, doing everything to try and push myself forward, and it is going to all be for nothing.

And sure, I could move to someplace cheaper. I don't need to live in Oregon. I don't need to live in the Pirtland area. Except that I'm gay. Which means before the year is over, some states will make my existence illegal agaproblems.

I have even been following everyone's advice and going to therapy. It's not helping.  

At this point all I can think of is a gun plus a bullet is cheaper, easier, and it solves all of my problems at once. I don't see myself dying to anything else at this point.