I wanted to make that title short so I called em toxic but I actually ain't sure if it's what I can call them. I (22 yo) live with my XL family which aren't aware and don't believe in mental illness especially at young age. But funnily it's been a decade that I am depressed and it's all because of them. As the eldest of the family,  I am used to be placed between all the issues, even the one where kids are not supposed to be concerned. Those made me developped some trauma and anxiety especially about my studies and financial responsibilities. Today I can't do things without having anxiety attack such as open my mail box or checking my bank account. 

I'm a student who, as I said, have issues and difficulties with school that makes me succeed university but very slowly which delay from years my graduating time and so, having a stable job and so leaving this house. 

For this summer, I got separate for holidays with my family. So It's been only less than 6 hours that we got reunited after 7weeks separated and they are already arguing about things that aren't supposed to be like money things. My siblings are between 4 and 16yo. I don't understand how they can have such conversations since they haven't even reached high school for most of them.i was tired and fell asleep after this long day of coming back home and got awaken by their crying. Hearing them and listening to what they were saying gave is giving me anxiety and I just wanna throw up. I don't even know how much more time will I handle this it's gonna be a new year in hell. I'm so scared I don't want to leave my bed and pretend to keep sleeping. I can't believe I  am forced to live with them since where I live (and like everywhere else in the world, I guess) it's too hard to leave the house without finishing studies. This also give me anxiety, if I was more brave I surely would have left a long time ago like my friend did.