I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I just feel like at this point I probably need help. I'm not a very good writer, nor do I want to bore anybody so I will keep this short and to the point. I am 16 years old and have been smoking high concentrations of marijuana all day every day since I was about 14 years old. After years of getting good grades in school and caring about my future, Covid hit and stripped me of all my motivation to do school work, causing me to fail my entire Sophomore year of high school. After Covid died down a bit and classes returned to in-person last fall, I was able to attend for about a month before I stopped going completely, and was unenrolled for too many unexcused absences. Of course, this had led to intense fighting and arguments with my parents, to the point where our relationship will never be the same as it was. They look at me and see a kid who doesn't know anything about the world and who is making all the wrong decisions in life for no reason. But they just don't understand how hard it is for me to even leave the house now. My anxiety is so bad that I sometimes would vomit before going to school. My school counselors are currently trying to get me to come back to school slowly but the anxiety and fear are so overwhelming, but who's gonna believe that. It's just school, right? So many people are trying so hard for so long to help me and I am just letting them down over and over and over again. Currently, I am taking credit recovery classes, as well as online college courses to try and get some high school credits back. But, I feel like the same thing is going to happen again, that I am just going to give up and lose motivation, and have 1 missing assignment turn into 10 missing assignments, to the point where it is impossible to catch up. To be completely honest I hate my life but hate myself even more. Because of my grades, everyone is telling me I am going to be homeless or live the rest of my life working a shitty job, which doesn't scare me because honestly, I can't imagine myself surviving until I am that old. If I'm going to be in misery the rest of my life because of grades in school I would rather just die before that can happen. I know this sounds bad but that's really how my brain logically thinks about this. I'm a piece of shit. I've stolen thousands of dollars from my parents for drugs and act as I hate them when really I love them and don't want to lose them. So I guess in summary I am worried that I am going to fuck my life over completely because of high school grades and my pot addiction. I know that I am a piece of shit human being and it sucks when people are so nice to me. I'll probably just try to enjoy my life these last two years until everything goes to shit because I won't be able to get a job or shelter or have anyone to talk to.