It’s an understatement but I’m seriously depressed and the medication doesn’t cut it. I feel like the world’s biggest idiot and I am knowingly engaging in self harming behavior. I hate Valentine’s Day with a passion, and ten days after it is my birthday that I use to share with my mom. She passed away last year, and even though it’s been just over a year since that it’s just all hurting like hell. I don’t have friends in this city to go hang out with. I have like two friends I can call and that’s it. I’m sitting in the car here wanting so badly for this fucking pain to stop but it never does. I was abandoned by my friends. Literally ghosted and they turned their backs on me. I don’t know what energy/vibe I give off but I swear I am repelling people. I am very close to giving up, I just can’t keep doing this, the reasons and the drive are drying up and I can’t take it. The why do I keep doing it isn’t there really. The how just keeps slipping from me and as those two go so does the dam that keeps the pain at bay. There’s no release for it. It all just sucks.