Life's been acting a real fool lately &amp; I'm just desperate to talk with someone who could possibly understand my perspective &amp; also just carry on a conversation. 

I'm feeling so low lately, so sad. I hate everything &amp; I even slipped up &amp; ruined a streak of years without self-harm. (F*@k me!) I keep asking for help but I can't find any answers. I want to scream &amp; cry &amp; disappear all at once. I don't belong anywhere but especially at my job. I don't even make enough money to survive on right now but I haven't had the courage to tell my spouse. I'm scared my life is going to implode but I don't know where to go. I can't ask family since I was excommunicated in October for trying to set boundaries.

It feels like my soul is slowly draining from me &amp; I just can't find the d@mn leak! I feel terrible dumping all this on my spouse though- neither of us has anyone outside of each other. We live in a town that only partially accepts the LGBTQ community. Even work isn't exactly accepting. (They say they are but they won't shut up about how they hate Biden, want Trump back, think it's all the Millennial's fault for EVERYTHING, &amp; all the other crazy conspiracy theories.) My spirit is just crumbling. I feel like my own blood is rejecting everything about this life.

I just want to be happy, dammit. I just want to feel a little less alone.

/rant