Today was the first day of the season I started to notice a change in my mindset and mood. I have never taken seasonal depression seriously, especially because in the past I was persistently depressed and had / have a deep love for the colder seasons. However this year I’m pretty isolated and am not doing much other than focusing on my own worries through therapy and medication, and during my walk I got the overwhelming feeling of “dark nostalgia” - my term for the sensation I get where it feels like I’m in my early years of depression, pioneering through my f***ed up mentality and flunking high school and going slowly crazy and suicidal. It’s a very difficult feeling to describe, but for me SAD is like a necessary evil. I hate it but I have no idea how to operate in these seasons based on poor weather and death of nature. And to think I loved fall and winter… idk. It’s hard to explain, I hope someone out there gets it though.