Hey guys!  
Does anyone here relate to social anxiety WITHOUT avoidance + the issue just not getting better? I drift back to avoidance every now and then and as a teenager I avoided a lot.  
But I can go to parties, hang out with groups and all that "fun" stuff. And I've spent months and years not avoiding. Sometimes with the help of drugs (which is unhealthy, sure), but also completely sober. But it has been just always horrible and still ist fucking horrible. It drives me insane!  
I hate most people. I can't relate to most people AT ALL. Most people are like a different species to me. It's like I'm an alien. Every now and then I like and relate to someone and then it's great. But it's rare. The anxiety is definetely there with all the typical symptoms and thoughts, but it doesn't even bother me that much anymore. I know it's just feelings and jsut thoughts (mindfulness). What bothers me is that I just can't connect, like or relate to most people. And that they overwhelm me so much. And at some point the anxiety is just overwhelming, too. No matter of mindfull I am or what kind of skills I use.  
I can't even work because I get so overwhelmed. NOT avoiding is overwhelming me, because trying stresses me so much. Distancing myself completely feels best, but is lonely. These days work environments and so on are all about being social. It's disgusting. Relationship partners always want to have a friendship circle or some shit like that. I don't want one. I don't care. I'm happy with just my partner.  
I've done so many different kinds of therapy. I've been diagnosed with the whole DSM soon, lol. Nothing helps. I'm in therapy for 11 years now. Please don't reply with any psychology 1.01 things. I'm not stubborn. Yes, I really want help. Yes, I am and really was trying. Yes, I know drugs don't help and I've been sober long enough. Yes, I've tried DBT. Yes, I've tried CBT. Yes, I've tried not avoiding. Yes, I've tried being positive. Yes, I've done EMDR therapy and so on.  
I have good social skills. People usually like or love me. I KNOW that. But it doesn't help.  
It feels like I'm cursed to the core. I'm just so lonely. 

Nearly my whole family is like that. Even my extended family is like that. Isolated, frustrated, unhappy, mentally ill people. Not everyone, but many.