Hello

I (21F) have been in my longest and healthiest relationship up to date with my boyfriend (24M) for almost a year. 

I know that sounds sad and pathetic but I've only had 2 high school girlfriends that lasted half a year at most and ended explosively back when I didn't understand my mind. I thought these explosive emotions were normal and always impulsively acted upon them. I have grown a lot from that since (and I'm allowed to be proud of it because me minimizing it only serves at devaluing me (something *you* guys should do too)) and I have been more functional in the last year than I have in my whole life.

I know one of the stages of grief is anger. I don't want to do like the other relationships and do that again. I want to be okay with it and I know when it gets here, I may not be fully level-headed. While I'm in the denial stage and more self-aware, I want to be gracious going through the next stage. I sometimes feel that spike of anger come up and had bad thoughts about doing things to him/myself/the next person he gets with. But I *want* to be a good person and not do that. And right now, I feel like I've come far enough that I wouldn't act crazy and break his windows or something. But part of me assumes that this will be a repeat of my last breakup *3 years ago*. Which is SO far away but for some reason I'm scared I'll regress to that in the moment/during the stage of grief.

And even though we haven't broken up, I don't want to get my hopes up and get my heart even more shattered. I have always been a pessimist, but I have been feeling optimistic about us getting back together - from where I started to think I must been in the denial stage of grief.

Any 'experienced' people that have been functional and healthy for a while have any advice on how you usually go about grieving a breakup/loss of a FP?