I was thinking about how people describe mania as feeling really optimistic and happy and self assured and mostly my mania feels like a rollercoaster ride I didn't ask to be put on. It's hearing myself talk and thinking, "for the love of Christ PLEASE SHUT UP" and then not being able to. It's rapid thoughts that get overwhelming and confusing. I fucking hate it. And then the lows are just... The worst, but we all know that.