I’m under diagnostic age, so still in adolescence, but since getting multiple early diagnoses or being written as signs of bipolar I’ve become introspective (mostly anxious) and self aware. I’m normally functional but right now im using all of me to try and make sense but I feel like I’m not able to, so I tried to write it out . Also still feeling this way as tying this. I’ve had to delete and retype sentences many times already because my brain is jumping around everywhere and I have to double take and keep myself relevant or rational. i noticed recently as the school year started I felt like it’s taken so much out of me just being around people. but it started out with a bunch of positivity and motivation, well like 4 days of itlater until boom strep throat, start feeling more and more mentally weird but still maintaining my productivity then boom covid a week later and now i feel possessed. can covid do this? i knotice my illness flares up worse when I’m sick but covid feels like something different. like an alteration. a distortion. 
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I’m on 4 medications: Lamictal 50mg, Clonidine .2mg, Buspar 30mg and Levothyroxine 25mcg I occasionally take .5-1mg of Xanax for anxiety and use cannabis 


I normally try to hold myself back from posting about my thoughts because normally it’s just overthinking, but I am desperately wanting to find someone to understand me right now. If anyone else bipolar has experience something specific to what I’m trying to describe help please!!! i have antipsychotics but I don’t want to take them because they make me depressed and slow down my metabolism
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Also this is very embarrassing for me. As I’m ranting and I am a bad ranter, but I don’t feel like I can go around people.

The intensity of my disassociation is fading in and out but no matter how much I come back I still burn back out