I just spend all day worrying. I pace around my room and try to distract myself with bullshit but I can’t not think every horrible thought about myself and my life. Every day, all the time. I literally feel like I’m losing my mind. My family is commenting on how out of it I seem lately but I literally can’t communicate any of what is bothering me to them. 

I just sit and torture myself with every possible thing I can think of that’s wrong with me and that could happen to me and become more and more reclusive and bitter and nothing seems like it’s ever going to get better. I’m so terrified about how fucked and hopeless my life seems right now and am so overwhelmed at my utter HELPLESSNESS I just break down, almost every day. I just have these moments where I just start freaking the fuck out, and walling endlessly in circles around my room, on the verge of tears, cursing myself for how pathetic I am. 

I’m just so fucking useless to everyone and can’t imagine ever not feeling like a subhuman piece of shit. What the fuck is wrong with me.