I’ve had anxiety all my life, but with the help of sobriety, daily exercise, medication, and therapy, I am doing a lot better. My partner and I went on vacation last week and I wasn’t as consistent with my meds as I should have been and now I’m feeling just really weird and feeling bad that my insecurities still rear their head when we have been in a happy relationship for a few years. 

He brought up his ex he lived with while we were away and I asked if they were as happy as we are because I am curious about them and just an anxiously attached person and he said no. Obviously exes are not my favourite thing to talk about but I’m curious. We also haven’t moved in together yet which adds to the curiosity of this woman (he says he wants to eventually but just not yet because he is living alone for the first time in his life and I get that) and then he brought her up again today and I was asking more questions because I was curious (also, he brought it up). 

He said he shouldn’t bring up my exes because I can’t handle it (I don’t fly into a rage or cry, I just ask questions about what he tells me) and I was like that’s not true or fair and we talked about it and I think it’s fine but he says he finds it surprising that I have moments of not trusting him because he trusts me completely. And to be honest, living with anxiety makes it really hard to trust people. 

I’m also constantly so worried he’s sick of me or thinks I’m an annoying burden because of past relationship trauma. Again, most of the time I feel good in our relationship. But he doesn’t have the same insecurities I do, which I guess is a good thing. But I do feel worried he takes me for granted. That’s another post for another day. I’m all over the place. 

I don’t think I’m an insanely jealous person, but I can admit that I do have moments of jealousy. And his exes aren’t my favourite thing to talk about but I try to get to know more about him by talking about his past relationship stuff and he thinks that’s weird? Maybe it is. Idk. But he doesn’t open up as much as I do forthright, so asking questions seemed like a good way to get him talking. 

We patched it up, said our I love you’s and moved on but I’m just now so worried I’m exhausting to him and that he feels like he can’t talk to me about things. Classic catastrophizing. 

I guess I’m wondering if folks have dealt with this kind of thing before, and also I’m wondering if this seems like a big deal to the outside reader because my anxiety has been going on all day about it. 

Also does anyone have anxiety and trust people? Asking for a friend hahaha lol