I  (21M) have had this plan for a while that I would move back home, save  up money for 6-12 months and then go on a big trip to Europe. If I  didn't find any reason to live by the time the trip finished I would  have permission to kill myself.

I  moved back home to live with my family at the end of last year and have  been working 3-4 days a week since. I have hit my savings goal, around  $15,000AUD  \~$10,000euros which is enough for a decent trip. plan to  leave August/September.

I'm not a  very approachable or attractive person. I have a heavily receding  hairline plus acne scars all over my face. Even if people are able to  overlook that I have a lot of social anxiety and just a all round  depressing personality.

While I'd  still probably enjoy it even if it is a relatively lonely experience,  I'm not sure what I'm expecting to find. I'd just be coming back to the  same depressing existence just poorer.

I've  tried traditional means of getting better. I've been on various  antidepressants over the last 4 years and spent way to much money on  psychologists. Tried various lifestyle changes. Nothing ever works in  the long term.

I don't want to die but I can't go on feeling like this much longer.