*mentions of USE of nsfw content (though none in this post) 

so this is really messy now and as I’m typing I’m cringing so... I swear it’s anxiety related. 

I am in a long term relationship with my fiancé [22M] of two years. We’re happy together! I’m anxious and have lots of feeling of inadequate stuff comes from poor body image, anxiety, depression, etc.

Anyways, in an attempt to try to make myself feel better, I actually made a second Reddit account to post my own nsfw content. This sorta helped some in a way where it kinda is reassuring and an ego boost for otherwise low body image. But it doesn’t quell the anxiety I feel about what my partner sees? 

Like when I really think about why I made the account and posted... it’s to try to match the other people (mainly gals) on Reddit to make myself feel... like I was as attractive as them? SOMETIMES I post content because I’m genuinely happy and wanting to share my pics. But other times, it’s to feel like I want to match the people that I know my partner/even randos find attractive and will get off too. I state this because I know my partner does use nsfw content for personal purposes, and I even do too. We’ve talked about it before and more than willing to continue to communicate with me and try to help me feel better. 

The problem is I irrationalize and convince myself that my partner likes other types of people/bodies more than mine to the point where I’m convinced that I’m not attractive to him? He’s told me numerous times, reassured me numerous times, and we do have an active intimate life that is fulfilling. I understand that my partner DOES use nsfw stuff for personal purposes as a tool and that’s it. He IS attracted to me, and I KNOW this?

I guess I’m basically stuck with like... how do I reassure MYSELF that my partner isn’t spending hours and hours thinking about other hot people instead of me? I just get upset and anxious they prefer that over me, even when I do share my own pics and stuff with him. (I KNOW people are attracted to other people, hell I KNOW this. Just... how do you feel okay/better about it?)

TLDR: My low body image and anxiety convince me that my partner prefers nsfw content instead of me and this convinced me that I’m not attractive and it’s killing me 

Thank you!