TW: hospitalization, childhood trauma, panic attack

Hey guys, I've been learning a lot about myself lately, and I've known for a while I struggled with anxiety but am just now realizing how severe my problems are. I've been hospitalized several times since I was 14 but have not been diagnosed with anything to my knowledge.

I have had therapists in the past that have really downplayed my issues with anxiety and made me believe I was not having a panic attack if I could still talk basically. Even severe meltdowns where I did become nonverbal and hyperventilate my last therapist said "you're calling that a panic attack?" when I described it. That was last year and since I stopped going to her I have been without psychiatric help.

I just did some research and found out that I actually experience most of the symptoms of panic attacks 2-3 times a day. I get vertigo and nausea most noticeably, but my hands get sweaty and shaky, I get shortness of breath (sometimes it feels like I'm not even able to breathe), I can feel my heart racing, I feel too hot (when normally I like it to be hot), my vision gets blurred. This even happens when I'm at home and I feel like I'm not getting enough done around the house. A lot of times I do not eat because I fear throwing up at work.

As a young child I definitely had a lot of trauma; my dad is an alcoholic and I'm neurodivergent. I won't go into too much detail but he would often block me in a room and force me to talk even when I just couldn't stop crying after he did something that (very justifiably) upset me. If I tried to leave he would physically restrain me. This would last for hours often until I would talk with him and accept his apology. He had physically abused me for crying or trying to get away. 

I think all of this (and probably trauma from a relationship I had later on) has caused me to mask very heavily. It is almost impossible for me to cry. I can work through almost anything. I have had peoples service dogs alert them about me at work when I'm not even particularly anxious by my standard.

Anyway, I wanted to see if anyone else has had trouble getting proper help or even just being believed because of masking too well? Any advice, support, or even sharing your experience would be very appreciated :)

I am in the process of getting a mental health screening soon, but I have very strong signs of ASD, SAD, ADHD, GAD, MDD, and CPTSD, if that is pertinent at all. Thanks for reading!