nothing feels as great as it once was as a child. maybe thats just part of growing up, but i dont think its supposed to feel this way 24/7. i feel nothing. im always numb and i use substances (weed &amp; alcohol) to feel happy; to feel anything. im not sure if the zoloft made it worse or better, im just exisiting at this point. i had a terrible fight with my "family" yesterday and it resulted in an episode for me. i started screaming and crying and saying all this shit that i had bottled up inside for 10 years. they deserved it, but still, it was an episode. i felt terrible after, like it completely set me back in my progress with my bpd. but i needed to cut ties with them anyways. idk what im trying to say anymore but thanks for reading. hope you're doing better &amp; having a good day.