Hey y'all,

So.. I'm not sure where to start. I'm usually mobile so I can't see the sidebar to even know if I'm allowed to post something like this... But it's not a meme or a quote so.. I'm assuming that this is just a community of people that have BPD that are looking for support from others. Which is exactly why I'm here! Lol.

So like, recently I had a major breakdown. It involved me getting tipsy and sort of freaking out to the point where I was screaming for help in my back lawn and the police were called... leading to my first arrest. I'm not too worried about it because to be honest, the person who called was calling because they know and care about me and because of they didn't do it someone else that lives near me would have. 

But needless to say, right now I'm in a weird place. I guess I'm trying to find some "balance" because I'm well aware that what I did, although it's unchangeable, was pretty... uh... not okay by any means. Nor necessary... But I'm at stage where I can now see that I desperately need to find that balance. I know the human brain is pretty flexible, in that you can teach it new things and ways of dealing with stuff. I've heard over and over again that there isn't a cure for BPD, only treatment. But I want to think that maybe there's at least a way to live like a ""normal"" person. I use that term lightly. Maybe I mean nuerotypical? Idk. 

But I really need to hear from others that have this and maybe are in the same place I am. 

I feel like every time I start getting better by meditating, I started actually feeling a lot better able to handle my emotions and everything.. But then I stop because my BPD mind convinces me that "I'm better now so I don't need to practice." And it always gets there no matter how hard I try to keep in mind that it's helping because I'm practicing and I should continue. I hate this roller coaster so much and unfortunetly it's hard to communicate to others that I never MEAN to go back on my bullshit. And after the other night and the arrest thing, I'm at risk of losing a lot of good people. 

I guess I'm at a good point right now in the whole thing. But I'm petrified of falling back again. I just need people that can understand this feeling and maybe shed some advice. I'm getting better and better at catching it but as soon as I do, there's no stopping it. I'm learning coping mechanisms, and I'm trying so fucking hard. 

Can anyone relate to this? Can anyone that's maybe gotten further with it explain their expierence? 

Reply here or message me. Whatever works best. I'd really love to make some friends that CAN relate to this. I'm so desperate to be completely honest.

Tldr; I'd just read from "I feel like every time..." to the end. Lmao. 