Hi, I’m new here. I joined because I wanted to hear from others who are also struggling with this disorder. I am not professionally diagnosed, which I know is a controversial subject but being a minor and female, it is hard to get diagnosed due to the system and especially since I have jumped from several different therapists and psychiatrists from a young age. I have done extensive research for the past year or so, and have recognized that I have been struggling with every single symptom of BPD for the past 3 years. I am not asking for a diagnosis nor do I want your opinions or criticism, I’m just here to share my experiences and for some support.

I am currently in a relationship and we have been dating for a few months now. I love him so much and would do anything for him, but this disorder has made things so difficult for me. If he doesn’t react or respond in a way I was hoping for or expecting, it completely crushes me. I instantly became upset, hurt and angry. I believe that he does not care about me or that he is “evil” for doing so and it makes me so mad that I will ignore him and distance myself to let him know that he did something wrong, when in reality it was not a big deal at all and he thought nothing of it. I know that he would never intentionally want to hurt me or make me upset but I can’t help from thinking that he hates me and wants to leave me. He left me on open last night and I had a complete meltdown and sobbed for a good hour. I hate that my emotions and entire mood are so dependent on him, and I’m tired of feeling so upset and empty all of the time. I can’t deal with this anymore and I don’t know what to do.