Hey there ! If you are feeling anxious or not stable please do not read this. Is not going to help, this is just me venting negative things and you need only positive stuff ! Have a great day =)

Well, i'am a medicine student and i have been feeling really anxious lately. Specially about being sick, the more i learn the more i fear. It's like we as med students get to see the worse and how fragile we are as human beings and most of the people don't even know that we can be dead in a matter of seconds.
Everything i learn, i have panic atacks where i feel like i have something and i'am about to die. Apendicitis, hantavirus, cardiopatias, and the list goes on but i don't want to think about it really.

I have been in hospitals during this pandemic and everything i see is pain, suffering... and friends still telling me things like "hey let's party, it's okay".
Excuse but it's not okay to be partying around 200-300 people when there are heroes of 60-75 years old who had at maximum 10 hours of sleep in a week because hospitals are full of people who really needs medical attention and you think is funny to still go around like nothing is happening?

Lately i have been thinking if i really want to still be in this career, if i really want to keep watching all of this suffering. It's like everything in this path is just plain dark. Like there is no light at the end. What make this worse, is that i'am not the only one feeling this way, this is a problem most of the people who work in medical field have. 

I did choose this career because i wanted to, this is all i dreamed as a kid. This is what i really want for my future. Somebody gotta do the work at the end of the day and i know i will do it gladly.
But right know i'am feeling just hopeless.

I have this week free and i will try to relax a little bit, it's just i don't know how to take all of that from my mind at least during this week. Hell i'am even feeling anxious right now about playing chess online. 
I have been learning english tho, practising my reading and learning here on reddit and i feel great about it. I just hope it gets better.

Thank you for reading