My partner and I have been together 6 years, and have lived alone together for 18 months. I was raised in a v abusive household and was forced to clean 2-4 hours a night after elementary school. So cleaning truly is second nature to me. It is not for him. He has a room in our house that is strictly his, and he hasn’t cleaned it once since we moved in. It’s filthy, but not my room so I let it slide. What I can’t handle is that I am the sole cleaner of the house. I have to ask him to clean, he will do the one task I ask him to do and he’ll half ass it!!!! (ie- cleaning the kitchen= putting dishes in sink. Not unloading the dishwasher and reloading, not wiping the counters or stove etc. or cleaning out the sink) I have to follow him around after and finish the cleaning job. I’ve had breakdowns over this but he isn’t good at communicating and just shuts down. 

Right now he has covid. He’s home constantly and I have been in a constant state of unease, overstimulation and anxiousness. I resent him, I have been constantly day dreaming of leaving him, it’s really bad. This is the worst it’s been since we got together. I am so fucking exhausted, and I’ve told him that. But it doesn’t change anything. I can confidently say there’s underlying mental health issues that he won’t address as he is in a sport that doesn’t tolerate any members that have mental health concerns as it’s a high risk sport and the insurance doesn’t allow it. 

I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’ve been trying to not relapse on self harm but I can’t think of another way to make myself feel better. I’m constantly miserable. 

I don’t want to leave him, this is a fact. Other than the cleaning part he’s truly my soulmate. Any ideas appreciated 😭😭😭