I honestly don't even know the difference. I feel like I skipped a whole phase where I was supposed to build or find my identity. I remember having a proper image of myself when I was little, I wondered if people who didn't have one existed. Now I no longer wonder, as I am one fo them. Its like I've become an environment in my head. No people, no specific environment, just endless smoke and mirrors unless I'm under pressure to be some type of way for an fp not to leave, such things. I can't really keep a certain personality for too long either. Maybe a solid few days before it starts slowly blurring, but they're all different I guess. 

So, I'm 18, I have some time. I found the best way to build some solid personality traits would be through actions, the problem is that I have to do those actions consistently which is a little hard when it feels like your whole identity restarts every morning. On a positive note I'm trying a little thing called searching for who I'd be if I didn't go through trauma. How would that me try to solve my problems now? And just bit by bit become that person. 

Have I opted to lying about and denying my past? Sure, but obsessively and unwillingly thinking about every detail over and over for the past years and ranting has not helped. 

I'm not sure how this will end.. 
Hopefully whatever untraumatised version of myself my brain can make up won't blur away after a month or so lol 
I need some bpd success stories