i’ve been like this ever since i was a kid i just can never build up the courage to confront people even when they say or do something to make me uncomfortable i just freeze up or awkwardly laugh it off i think part of me just fears the outcome of what that person may say/do next once i stand up for myself i’ve been isolating for quite some time now in my room due to numerous reasons one being depression so that definitely has messed with the social skills i barely had to begin with i’ve also picked up on the fact that i’m the biggest people pleaser ever i’ve always been overly-friendly never argumentative speak only when spoken to like the thought of starting a conversation with someone on my own in person is only a dream for me the only way of knowing if a person likes me or wants to talk to me is is they reach out to me first idk fear of rejection i guess ? i don’t think i even have my own personal opinions they’ve all be influenced by someone else’s i honestly don’t have a personality outside of making others around me feel good or wanting them to like me even in friendships i’m a total yes-man i have this fear of saying something that they’d dislike and they would  stop talking to me for it and don’t even get started with guys/relationships they see me as submissive and eventually start to take advantage of me because of it this even happens with family my god i’m coming to the realization that nobody respects me at all like the other day i was out with my mom because i had to return a pair of glasses and the employee had been being so rude and passive-aggressive to me and mother the minute we got there we should’ve left but it was the closet location to us he even had the nerve to make a very condescending remark to my mom after asking a simple question once again i froze up and literally wanted to cry how could someone just treat another person a STRANGER like crap i felt so horrible i didn’t stick up my mother like i’ve been beating myself up so much about it i even apologized to her and she told me that this is just the real world and i’ll run into people like that for the rest of my life but how could i let a total stranger talk to my own mom like that some daughter of the year huh ? we were both pretty stunned because it was just so unnecessary and random she responded politely just like i would’ve but i just feel like people like that deserve a taste of their own medicine god i wish i had the courage to do it i’d go back in there tomorrow and speak my mind completely i don’t know how to retaliate in situations like that when someone is rude to me i just shut down completely and blank out if i was alone i would’ve walked out and cried in the car it’s like your their personal little doormat people like this love over-friendly people because they see them as weak i wanna stop being so sweet and bubbly but i can’t help it i like to be treated like the way i treat others i know this is the real world and it’s full of some mean and evil people and that’s just the way it is but i wanna start speaking up for myself and not letting people think they can come at me anyway i don’t wanna ooze the “oh she’s nice she won’t care” look i wanna look like you should take me seriously i wanna act like i should not be messed me it’s so hard because in the back of me i have a worst case scenario mentality i hate confrontation that will or may come with it so much i avoid it at all costs but the most fearless well respected people don’t mind it at all i wanna reach to that level so bad one day