I have been suffering from depression for 5 years now. It started in about 2018 when I was in 11th grade. I had very few friends and they went away over the years. Back when I was younger, I became friends with my neighbors and even went with them in the Boy's Scouts. They were my only friends and I lost them when they moved away. Later on in my life I became friends with two children of some of my Step Mom's friends and so did my sister. One of them was a boy, the other was a girl. I was best friends with the boy and my sister was best friends with the girl. The boy and I would play video games like Minecraft and Skyrim together. We also had fun playing Yugioh. He liked water monsters and I chose just a bunch of random cards that didn't work with each other. I loved hanging out with them every second, but then they left us and never came back just like my previous friends. I only wish that was the only reason I feel this way. For one thing, I did something when I was around 14 or 15 to my sister that I'm not proud of. I got caught by my parents and hated myself ever since then, my sister hated me too for a long while. Eventually she forgave me and put it behind her, if only I could do the same. In 2018, during class I was called to the front to answer a problem. Cocky me walked back to my desk after doing it and I spun around before I sat down in my chair, except I accidentally sat down too hard on the sharp edge of the chair. Before I knew it, I was bleeding from my rear and I had to go home. This happened during the second semester and I had to stay home for the rest of the year while I had to go through surgery and I had to get stitched up. I still to this day have to apply gauze to the wound. Another thing I forgot to mention is I have epilepsy. I've had it ever since I was born. Up until 2018, they were perfectly fine. I always got an aura when it was going to happen and I was able to quickly kneel down, act as though I was tying my shoes to avoid attention. Well, it got worse and was impossible to hide and ever since then I have been afraid to be in public when it happens. I can't even leave the house anymore on account of how nervous I get unless I've already had a seizure fairly recently. Because of this fear, I can't try to get friends and as a result my sister has become my best friend, she lifts my spirits and is the only thing stopping me from getting worse. My epilepsy is the reason my parents have taken over my life. I've given the controls over to them my whole life and it's too late to get back into the driver's seat. I never ask for anything because I never know whether or not I can have it, not even on my birthday or Christmas. My daily life has taken a toll as well. I used to be able to do all of my chores without a problem but now with this depression I have found myself barely able to get up at all. I don't even take showers all that often anymore and don't get me started about brushing my teeth, God knows the last time I did that. I have been disappointed with myself since I can remember. I've always wondered what my role on this planet was, seems it's just to wallow in self-pity as I watch TV, play video games and other dumb stuff. I thought about suicide or running away a few times before. Nobody else knows about my depression and I intend to keep it to myself as nobody in my life could possibly understand.