I don’t get crushes, i get CRUSHES. i idealize that person so much, think about them constantly, and ultimately creep myself out how much i need that feeling to be reciprocated. Here’s the problem, the feeling is so intense i’m scared to say anything and scare the person away because it’s usually so unprecedented. Like a guy is just a little nice to me and suddenly i’m in love lmao. 

So i get scared he isn’t going to be into me so i’ll ignore him or be mean to him so i don’t have to face that rejection. HOW THE HELL DO NORMAL PEOPLE FIGURE OUT IF FEELINGS ARE MUTUAL. and how do you talk about it without sounding sad or desperate?!

and why do i always have to feel so intensely for people, even if i barely know them?! because when i realize they only want me for sex or something it breaks me like someone just died. i go into a hole of self-pity and feel like the world just ended for months. my self image shatters and i feel like no one could ever love me. 

i’m scared. this happens every time and i just want to handle things differently/ “normal” this time to try to avoid that. Please give me any type of advice!!!

note: i’m really good at getting men to sleep with me lol but it hurts my ego/ self image that nobody seems to want more than that, probably because i have a wall up that won’t allow ppl to really know me?? idk.