Sorry for the long read.

My Partner and I were best friends prior to getting into a relationship. She made it clear pretty early on she wanted more than friendship, but I wasnt ready for one, and honestly wasnt sure if i felt the same way she did. However, eventually we formed a partnership, and ive never loved somebody more. She's amazing. Understanding, validating, and for the most part has shown me unconditional love.

I don't know a whole lot about BPD or people's experiences with it. Only what shes told me, what ive read, and what another friend diagnosed BPD has told me when ive gone to them for some advice.

My partner is currently away from town for work. She works 2 weeks on 2 weeks off at a mine in interior Alaska (about 5 hour drive south of our home) and will be back in a couple days.

Shes currently acting like.... Like im just some random hitting her DMs. She acts like my mere existence is aggravating. Shes been so cold towards me. Told me when i get back that i need to leave. That we arent good for each other, etc. She basically dumped me. 


But this isnt the first time shes done this. This is probably the 5th time in less than a year. 
Shes acted more or less cold towards me, and like... Hateful, and.... Its rough man, coming from the person who means so much to you.
But she usually ends up saying she doesn't want me to leave, that she loves me and all that, and things go back to "normal" for a time.

But i never know when these "flips" are going to occurr. And so im often on edge when shes off or mad because i don't know if shes going to end it and act like a stranger towards me again. And I absolutely dont like someone i care so much for, and who has cared so much for me, acting either completely indifferent, or almost hateful at times.

Now Im diagnosed Bipolar. Im also diagnosed with depression and adjustment disorder. Ive a plethora of issues stemming from childhood (losing my mom to a long ugly battle with cancer, my father getting really bad PTSD afrer going to Iraq as a private contractor in order to pay for my moms treatment and keep our house, which we also lost, etc). So im by no means perfect or a shining example of great mental health. However The bipolar i seem to have mostly under control. As anyone who knows me or who ive told my diagnoses inevitably says "really? You don't seem bipolar"  My partner often thinks i may have been misdiagnosed and that i may also have BPD, but ill leave that to the professionals 

My point in that last paragraph was to say i know the struggles with mental health. Ive been committed to this person, and still am, and have been as patient and understanding as I can be, because shes worth it.

For the first year or more straight there were no bumps. However she ended up choosing to come off her meds. She was perscribed 2. Now she had done this once before, around when we first met, and it was after that, that was the first time i noticed her change and she ended up blowing up at me over something trivial. But when she came off a little over a year into us being partners was when she had her first major "change" in personality. After the fallout and reconciling, i asked if shed want to go back on her meds. She agreed. 3 more "fallouts" later, she is back on some kind of medication. Its only 1 as opposed to 2, and im not sure if its the same. Because these "flips" and "fallouts" are continuing to seemingly get worse and last longer. She means so much to me, and its not my place to demand that she be on medication.

But id be lying if i said my patience is running thin. Like i said, its rough when someone you care about deeply, periodically acts like they couldn't care less about you, and seems like a totally different person 
I want to be there for her. I want to build a life with her. But i cant help but wonder if, for the sake of my own mental health, maybe i should leave. Maintaining a friendship if possible.

Im basically just needing to vent. And maybe seek some advice, steps to take, ways i can improve or help her/myself. Or if i should just rip the bandaid of and leave, which id rather not do. 
Though some of this dumping me and asking be back may be a little toxic, she is not a toxic person at all. Shes one of the best people ive ever met

This is the first time ive ever posted to Reddit. 
Im sorry if some of the words I used were disrespectful. Like "flip" etc.. Its just the only way i could think to desctibe it.

Anyway thanks. Sorry for the long read.