I have a male friend I’ve known for years. We always had attraction and after breakups with other people we’d talk and be supportive with advice, like friends, and we would have detached sex and I was fine with it. 

Recently, we hung out a little more and I developed feelings. He has some as well but is extremely detached and can’t help it. For some reason I started romanticizing him and picturing what we could be and how ELATED I feel when we hug. I’m idealizing him even though he doesn’t text me often or stick to plans, or call when he says he will… I don’t contact him first, I wait and hope. And am let down every time. He will show up randomly, and when he does the dopamine I get it the best feeling on earth!!!! When he leaves I feel awful.

Logically, I know this needs to stop. But my heart and brain want to obsessively wait for him to possibly text me. I am deeply disappointed when I get a text tone and it’s not him, which it rarely is except every few days. 

I’m seeing a pattern here. The fact that I can’t count on him to consistently reach out to me or see me makes me crave and desire it like a mad person. It takes a good chunk of my day fantasizing and hoping. I don’t know what to do but this is what always happens with my relationships. Any DBT skills for this obsessive thinking???