Everyone keeps commenting on how I fuck this up. How I fuck that up. I'm autistic. I struggle. I don't understand social interactions with adults in a job setting. And they are acting like I should know this.. I was always taught to be honest.. and it hurts me deeply to lie. But it seems I have to lie.. 

But my family is telling me off for my mistakes, for my struggles.. it's hitting me again. It wont stop.. it wont go away.. i feel like its all my fault that i cant do these things.. i feel like all i am is a mistake.. blaming me for my immune system. Blaming me for every little struggle in my life... Ive been trying jobs left and right and i always get denied.. its because of my epilepsy.. should I just lie? Its illegal but.. i cant get a job and i cant file for disability... Why do I bother trying when my family talks down on me and when my boyfriend talks about it to me.. even though he isnt being rude, just trying to help.. it doesn't help.. i can see my mistake and others can too.. but there is no need to remind me of how stupid i am...