I don't like the feeling of vulnerability. But there are some thing's I want to say before I die someday. I practically grew up on the streets. Me and my three siblings. Well, two siblings now. Our parents abandoned us from an early age. My eldest brother died around twelve years old. Killed. Eventually, some thing's happened, and I got separated from my younger brother and the youngest, our sister. They managed to escape a certain ordeal. I didn't. 

Anyway, this isn't meant to be some kind of sob story. I'm not exactly bothered by my past. We found each other again, and everyone seems to have mostly moved on from it. My bro and sis understand the thing's I had to do to survive. But of course, they don't know the whole story. No one does.

When i was on my own, I found myself amongst a lot of different people. Each place I went to, changed me. My thoughts, my action, how I saw right and wrong. 

My problem is this. I never gave a fuck, about anything. I never have and I never will. The system, humanity as a whole. Faith? Happiness? I spurn it all. Why? Because why do I need it? What purpose does it serve? I simply don't see the need for any of those thing's. I'd die for my sister, to protect her, give her a shot at a real life. But don't mistake this act of charity as love. I don't love anyone or anything. It's nothing personal. It's just the way I am. 

I've begun to notice a considerable escalation in my extreme behavior. In my mind, that's normal. There's is nothing wrong with violence. Most of the time, people couldn't care less, until that violence is on their doorstep. Then people act like it's such a problem. But no one cares where their diamonds come from. Or their clothes, watches, phones. Greed is a virtue, compassionate a weakness. This hypocrisy, I see it everywhere, in everything. It fester inside me too. A man asks me to steal something for his daughters birthday, but he doesn't want to know where it came from, or who suffered for it. Because the truth hurts too much. Fuck this world and everything in it.

I just wish people would make up their minds. Are we met to be good or bad? Punish the compassionate, reward the greedy. That's all I see.

I've been used and manipulated by the church. I've been given false promise after false promise. I've been chased. Beaten. Shot at. And that ain't nothing. 

Did you know I once dreamed of being like everyone else. Normal. Until I realized how painful and boring it was. It was just another lie. I tried my hardest, for years and years, to play the game by the rules. But it broke me. Once I realized that the rules only serve those who built and supported them, I knew, I stood no chance. I would never be me. 

I'm done. If anyone finds this inappropriate for this subreddit, let me know. I'll try to delete the post.