Over this past weekend I went through a near death OD (I’m 22) &amp; 4 days later I feel empty. I was a mistake child. Born from an abusive narcissist PCP addict &amp; an already depressed woman with dead parents, 4 children &amp; insecure attachment. I was never expected to live this far. Molested in my own home by family, beaten &amp; isolated in privatized schools the state said I qualified for, invalidated sense of being because I’m brown &amp; predisposed to discrimination. I was never meant to be. Forced on medications to stabilize me, Im only 10 years old guys damn. Same year I held my first semi automatic. My father had been gone for as long as I was alive then. 10 years down on a 21 year sentence (Armed Robbery) this apple didn’t fall far. They always said they loved me but never asked if I loved myself. I hate myself for being alive, I was born into a lifestyle I couldn’t understand &amp; a purpose I’d never identify. I wasn’t sheltered or nurtured, I wasn’t heard or seen. I lived in a space where all that existed was my own thoughts &amp; this feeling of being alone. Like an empty auditorium with one spotlight. From 14-18 I spent that time in juvenile institutions &amp; ultimately prison. Multiple stays in 2-3 week isolation cells in juvie followed by 3 consecutive months &amp; 1 week of solitary in a level 2 prison. I always felt alone, never got rid of that heartache. I make music for one reason. That was &amp; currently is the only way for me to speak. Psychiatrists have tried, therapists, counselors, family. But I can never make myself clear of ever be understood. Unless I write out &amp; detail my pain to them. Everyone has given me praise for making it this far &amp; to accomplish minor goals in life. But I put it in my head a long time ago that I’d only continue making music and pursuing a career as artist to be financially free enough to end my life in my ideal way. On drugs &amp; in the studio. Don’t mind me though, if it never works out it won’t matter anyway.