I’m so freaking scared my friends hate me, I know they don’t and that makes me hate myself even more. I feel as if though every fear I have will come true and that I’m pathetic for feeling that way, cuz maybe I deserve it but at the same time I wouldn’t blame anyone else who felt this way.

I just wish so badly I wouldn’t panic over small things. My friends love playing fps which I also do but I’ve had crippling anxiety around it for so long. I have though finally put myself through it enough to not pass out when I’m playing with people I’m not completely comfortable with but I suck at it. 

I notice that my friends try to avoid playing with me now, I’ve always told them that I’m bad but they have always dismissed it until now. They are very supportive but at the same time I see that they are frustrated. This makes me so scared that they will switch me out, that they will find someone else who isn’t so down all the time. 

Anyways thank you for reading this vent text and I hope you have a good day!