On mobile, this is me venting but wondering if anyone does this: 

I didn’t hear from this guy since yesterday afternoon, it turns out his battery died which I believe because he dropped me off at home on the way to his brother’s and I saw his phone wasn’t fully charged. 

We usually text quite regularly through the day/night. Though we had just spent the good part of a week together and hadn’t before. I did appreciate the space and it’s not like I don’t enjoy being alone. 

But I hadn’t heard from him like I normally do so I started getting in my own head. 

Thing is I know how he feels about me.. he’s told me. He’s also given me no reason not to trust him and if anything he probably shouldn’t trust me. 

I started thinking “oh after spending all this time with me and getting to know the real me he’s done with me”, he’ll ghost me or tell me he’s gone off me. I’ve had the strong urge to self sabotage and push him away, I want to runaway and don’t feel like I deserve him or his feelings. 

I was telling myself fine whatever I don’t care, I’ll just cut him off. I won’t respond if he messages me, I don’t need him (I don’t but i do like him), I don’t like him that much anyway, he’s better off without me. I could find someone else if I want to blah blah blah. Maybe I should go explore my sexuality anyway (recently out as Bi) There’s dating apps I can go on..(I don’t use them and haven’t done for years, I don’t want to) 

Lo and behold - he texted me this morning to say sorry his phone died.. it wasn’t even that long since we spoke last, wtf is wrong with me. Do I need constant attention or what?

It’s such a toxic, unhealthy thought pattern. I need to get to people who I hope will understand as I have no else to tell. I’ve managed to keep these thoughts under control and not do anything stupid/impulsive but it’s so annoying and frustrating. I’m better than this. But maybe I should be alone if I get like this until I can just not?

Does anyone else get like this?