This concept of "fear of abandonment", and the way BPDs respond to it, really clicks for me. When I look at the 5 or 6 major girlfriends I had before my wife, I see the symptoms in my actions. My very first FP, when I was 15, actually got the worst of it. Coincidentally, she reached out to me a couple of weeks ago. I heard violins and was swirled in rose petals when I saw her message. Even though I have not heard from her or much about her over the last THIRTY EIGHT years...I was certain that finally I will have the love I've so desperately needed. 

We've pretty much stayed on "catch-up" themes in our messages. Now, I want to tell her about my BPD...but WHY? Am I hoping to trigger sympathy/pity? Do I want to use my diagnosis *now* to excuse my behavior *then*? 

According to Siri we live 1193 miles apart, I am married for 27 years with 3 kids, 2 with my wife one before. She is widowed. Her husband committed suicide while in jail for domestic abuse...she has 5 kids with different men. That all leads to me thinking we could get together now and love each other through all our wounds. . . 

What do you think? Tell her or not tell her? Apologize for events that happened when I was 15 or let it go?