like. no moodswings now except for when i cried because my family was a bit mean to me yesterday. i literally feel. FLAT. empty. devoid of emotion. apathetic. 

i need somebody to latch onto but i can't like anybody.... i don't meet enough people tbh. and i'm usually very reserved so i have these periods where i doubt i even have issues because i'm just so empty it's like "lmao what am i here for i'm just rotting and i have no goals" i even wish something catastrophic would happen (like an earthquake, my country has a lot of them) when i get like this so i could feel something. it feels like i don't exist. i'm scared. it's getting harder to handle.

but when i do have a crush or a relationship it's like.... all erratic. i miss that. 

i seriously feel unreal rn

god can somebody just make me feel something please i want to cry