I’m smart. I swear to you! Truly. Deep down I am intelligent, and it shows on standardized tests and in conversation, but not in my grades. My mental health is a nightmare. I did very poorly in high school. Got in a lot of trouble. Drove my teachers nuts, every one of them, because they’d seen me when I occasionally put effort in and so they knew I could do better. 

Tried to kill myself twice. Skipped so much class it felt like a game. Tried lots of drugs. Got addicted to nicotine. Diagnosed Bipolar. Barely, BARELY graduated.

So I enrolled in community college. Online, because I can’t drive. My job, unfortunately, thought this meant I could work 36 hours a week on top of my 5 classes. Even so, I was doing fine. A’s, actually.

And then my mom got diagnosed with cancer (my fault, of course) and I fell into a depressive episode once again. And then my boyfriend almost died. That didn’t help.

And now my dear parents who don’t seem like me very much (can’t blame them, to be fair) have shelled out about 2,700 dollars for me to fail. Community college.

All I do is fail! It’s like I’m allergic to getting my shit together. I’m done. I just want it to be over. I want to die, I do. I haven’t been taking my meds so there’s plenty to swallow.