I think I have depression for a long time now but only official for a few weeks. And during that time there always been phases were I thought about how I wanted to die and where and everything. And since that I kinda know how I would want to do it. But I dont want to die, not really. Therefor I never saw myself as suicidale. 
What changed is that I started to make these jokes like "or.. I just die/kill myself" at any given time. Sometimes even to classmates. And that wasnt during a bad episode or so.
And now I am not so sure anymore if its just acceptance and I joke about it or if its like a warn signal..
Maybe some of you have some experience with these things and can help understand this. Thanks :)