I’ve been depressed ever since I can remember. Even as a child, I don’t remember being happy. I don’t remember a normal time in my life. Obviously there have been better times, times where it’s not been as hard. But it’s low-key always there, a sense of dread, a sense of discontentment, a sadness that’s so ever-present it must be part of my personality. 

And I’m just so, so tired of it. It’s annoying, it’s stupid, it’s not fucking fair that I am this way while others just seem to walk through life effortlessly. 

I don’t really feel like I can vent to friends anymore because I’ll either upset them, or they’ll not really comment on it. And I don’t blame them. I mean what else is there to say to someone who keeps whining about it the same shit? I’m difficult to deal with, I drain people’s energy because I’m just not happy. That’s why I mostly pretend to be okay, I just can’t keep complaining about the same things to my friends.

I’m in the process of finding a new therapist, try a new kind of therapy. I’m also on medication. It all feels pretty useless though because this is never going to go away completely. And I’m just really tired of it.