I’m sitting on my bathroom floor rn trying to sob quietly because I don’t want my OH to hear me. 

Im in year 4 of a 5 year long masters degree and up until now I’ve been a straight A student. I don’t know what happened really but this year I just dropped the ball completely. 

We’re doing revision workshops for the exams now and I’m realising I can’t do anything and these are technically my “finals” with next year being a research project. 

There is a massive expectation on me to do well and I even have a summer research project with funding based on how successful I’ve been so far. 

But I just really know I’m going to fail these exams because I genuinely can’t do a thing. 

And I never ever ever understood how people could feel suicidal until now but I’ve just gotten to the point where even though I don’t really want to die, I feel like dying is literally the only way I can get out of this… 

Like I can’t not sit the exams because it’s too late to take a break from uni, I can’t sit them because I’m going to fail them, so I just feel like there’s no other way than to die.  I feel so trapped and I keep having panic attacks and I just don’t know what to do and I don’t know where else to turn…