im 22 ftm and finally gotten away from an abusive family/narcissistic mother to live with an amazing partner who really does try his best to understand my struggles and issues even when he struggles with his own [autism and DID]; of course in turn i try to be understanding and helpful with anything he needs. Things started out pretty well while doing the actual getting out and taking a road trip to live with my in laws but now things just dont feel great. 

And I know it's me not feeling great about myself. My partner and I are engaged but I haven't saved up yet, (Just got employed finally since moving states) to even get him a ring. I promised him I would purpose. But I can't and I feel like I'm continuing to fail this relationship. We live with his parents and 2 adult siblings who... aren't the best people and that's a whole new rant entirely. But I don't know. I just feel like since I couldn't hold up my end of the relationship somehow, my partner has been more self centered; please don't read that so harshly, he's been going through a lot changes and thats something he struggles with coping with and have been trying his best to be communicative, I know that's the real reason things have been stressed.

But I can't help but feel I'm just ruining this by lashing out because I feel very ignored. He said he wasn't ready for wedding planning even though he chose a date that nearly a year from now and of course like an a*sshole I still planned things at any chance I get because I'm frustrated that he would put something this big aside. He rightfully got frustrated because I shouldn't be forcing him to plan anything and it doesn't help that his brother is forcing himself in the wedding plans like he's the one getting married. The brother is 19 and I feel like he wants to be my partner's boyfriend instead of me. It gets overwhelming because they're so close and have a rhythm that goes over my head but my partner tries his best to put boundaries between him and his brother. But I dunno. I think the brother is truly dealing with something when it comes to me. Maybe I'm just being paranoid.

My partner put his foot down and I stopped all wedding planning... but now he wants to focas on moving out. I'm not opposed of course because I feel like his family should only been a visit thing; theyre absolutely too much to deal with 24/7. We already contacted some places... this would mean we would have to push the wedding. Irrationally I feel like he really doesn't want to marry me. Irrationally I feel like He just said yeah to being engaged because I was overly excited. He gets into his soft moments and tells me how much he loves me and how happy I'm here but... Why do I feel like I'm bending so much of who I am for him and he can't recognize that he's being a bit of an asshole lately? 

Anyways, I'm upset that our wedding isn't on our priority list but it's fine. I'm hoping that moving out and having some privacy to ourselves to properly be a couple would help clear out some stress.