Going  on a late night drive, it was a hard day today at school. Driving with  music on is my self care (its okay i found a real one). It started  raining real hard and instead of parking I saw the sign of the emergency  room at my local hospital.

Idk  but I thought, hey homeless people go here when they have no where else  to go. I'll just stay here 5 minutes tops to stay dry and be somewhere  thats properly lighted and safe. Im an idiot so I park in the valet  parking. Valet tells me I gotta leave, I ask 5 minutes.

I  put an alarm for 5 minutes and I just take a breather. He comes up to  me and asks what am i doing, this is a fucking emergency room. I try to  say I need 5 minutes then I'll 988. He doesn't understnad, so I tell him  GIVE ME A MINUTE, ILL LEAVE THEN CALL THE SUICIDE HOTLINE and then I  start bawling.

Poor guy must see  this shit all the time, he brings a wheelchair out for me to sit and  experience my emotional episode/panic attack.

I  control my breathing, gather my thoughts and started to head back to my  car. Before, I went back i looked inside the ER and thought --- you  fucking idiot, if anyone sees you there **you're done.** Off to the psych ward, all that money wasted and my family devastated.

My  biggest fear is going to the psych ward. I don't have a plan, I'm not a  danger to myself and anyone else. I'm just going through some pain and I  feel alone.

Please pray for me.

&amp;#x200B;

Update: saw my PCP today and she set me up with an urgent referral to a psychiatrist.