I need help because I don’t know what the right thing to do is here.

My ex boyfriend (28m) and I (25f) dated for four years. And ever since I’ve known him, he has been…. So depressed. To a level I have never seen before. He woke up with anxiety almost every morning, any difficult convo was impossible to have without him beating himself up over it so much that I would rather not tell him… he was constantly in a bad mood, very down on himself, socially anxious and never wanting to leave the house in fear of rejection or hearing something he doesn’t like.

It became so hard. I tried so hard to help… but I couldn’t. It ended up really messing with my head. I would lay in bed with him all day for months at a time, I stopped hanging out with all my friends, I couldn’t have male friends, I just… I felt trapped.

But now we have been broken up for 3 months and I feel so bad for him. I’m doing much better mentally and he feels at fault for, as he says, “my life is better without him.” He’s living alone, living paycheck to paycheck, unable to afford food sometimes.. he doesn’t have any friends in a new city. He’s struggling mentally really bad. I can’t just leave him. But I can’t make him happy. 

Am I doing him a disservice by sticking around? Can I even help?