I've had no contact with my ex boyfriend for just over a month now. He was my FP from the day we met, I still think he might be even though he's gone.


We both have no intentions of ever speaking to each other again, purely because we became so toxic for each other. A lot of hurtful things were said and done, some I will never forgive him for but I still miss him and think about him a lot, I think I always will. 


Some days are worse than others. Today I've been full of anxiety whenever he crosses my mind, to the point where I feel physically sick and can't stop shaking. A lot of things remind me of him and our relationship. Sometimes I smile and laugh, sometimes I cry for hours. It's almost like I'm grieving.


Will this ever go away? I don't want to deal with it anymore.