Hi I am f/23. I had struggles with PTSD and as diagnosed stated major depression. I took medication for about 3 years ( Sertraline / Lexapro  / 200mg( lower doses weren’t effective)). I’ve felt fine last year. My relationship is good, and it was a condition for marriage to end the meds. So I did. After ending the medication I ever since have anxiety and a couple of severe panic attacks a week. I cannot really relax but I feel like this is Uni related as I had to do a lot of work. I somewhat have weird paranoid thoughts of stepping in a needle on the street ( I have never ever taken any drugs or plan to do so! Just never been a fan of needles in general but I am deadly afraid of stepping into one for no reason) 
According to my husband I also castophotize a lot. I rarely go out with friends as I don’t have alot and am so busy. 

Now I feel that the depression is back already. I try no to google as this wouldn’t be helpful amd only make my state worse. There have been so bad fights in my relationship after which I am now emotionally detached from my husband ( which I would like fix very much). 

I do not want chronically be depressed ( I has this since early teens around like 12) and finally felt better forma couple months ( like I woke up and wanted to do things and was happy). 

Thing is I do not want to take away resources from other people. I am in Germany and thenwaitingmlists are long. I had a lot of therapy before. I am afraid that this is early signs of bipolar or chronic depression. Or burnout or everything together. 

I emotionally need to vent and see some rational perspective on this.