Hi, I’m a non-BPD guy who is optimistically seeking insight (although I am very aware not everyone is the same) into a situation with my partner and best friend who has quiet BPD.


She is the sweetest, most amazing person I’ve ever met. We had a very close and caring/loving friendship and relationship for about a year. We never really fought, maybe once in total and we resolved it a few hours later. Unfortunately ** we were long distance ** , but we called often and video once comfortable. We’ve both promised to each other to never fully leave, as recently as a week ago. She’s had difficulty with the distance from time to time, and it’s very understandable.


About 3 weeks ago she suggested we break up because of the distance. I was upset but understood, and we broke up amicably, remaining friends. Shortly after, she asked to try again, and I gladly complied. Then she began being very distant, we went from texting hourly at worst to texting maybe 3 times a day. I assumed it was just a busy day or two until it was a few more days. I asked if anything was wrong and she explained she was being distant and was “learning to live life on her own” (quotations because it’s a quote, not because I’m mocking it).


It was painful, but I accepted it. We were still friends, called once per 2 days or so. Then she began mentioning leaving. She was contemplating blocking me and moving on. She then stopped responding to texts for a few days. It was excruciating, we were so close and so friendly, and I enjoyed every moment with her. From her words, she appreciated and loved me dearly, and I certainly felt loved.


Now she’s stated she’s going to leave and that there’s no other option. She says it’s because she loves me and wants me too much, and that it’s painful because of the distance. She mentioned that once, then never again. She’s begun talking to someone new, and has them with hearts on her social media... but that person is also long distance from her. There’s a worry that she’s lost interest in me and replaced me, but I doubt it and I think she’s genuine in what she says. She says it’s a “fucked up” way that she copes, and I sorta believe her, because she certainly disliked that guy, at least from the stories and complaints she’s told me over the year. She seems insistent on leaving, but not with hostility, instead lots of remorse and apologies. It’s been horribly painful these past few days, but the thought of her disappearing completely is much worse.


I know she seems to be hurting bad, and unless she’s lying (I’ve never caught her in a lie, and I trust and believe her. She’s a genuine good person.) then she truly is in pain and misses me. I miss her a lot, and I’m willing to hurt through the pain of my feelings for her in order to still remain friends. She says it wouldn’t work, we can’t be friends, it’s not right.

+2 extra paragraphs in comments because it won’t let me post with them. Please read, thank you.