Apologising just seems wrong. But so does not doing it. Would writing something even help? It's a form of closure, sure, but what if something doesn't land? In that case is it better to just not have anything or would the intention behind it still help?

I'm not writing a note, but the only way I can try to address these feelings in writing is by doing it in the past tense, because it feels less like I'm struggling right now and more like they're done with. The distance, artificial as it is, helps a little.

However, the comparison popped up naturally due to this and it just makes me wonder about it... Is the trade-off worth it? Why can't an accident happen to me for once? I definitely deserve it. But that's probably to good, too clean of a solution for me to actually be worthy of it...