Probably the most controversial I've ever felt in my life. I feel like I live in a paradox.

I am in my late 20s, work as a mechanical engineer and I did everything I was supposed to do according to today's standards (get a partner that loves you genuinely, a house, a sports car, a pet, a degree, good job....you get it). I traveled a lot.....graduated uni in a different country, got a good taste of that college life. I even had a rock band and giged a lot. Had a lot of fun. Never did drugs besides the occasional blunt. All of it with my own money, sweat and tears...because I come from poverty, being born in the eastern european getto. 

Yet nothing .....nothing makes this feeling of hollowness go away. How is that even possible? How is it possible to achieve everything and being numb to it? I have problems connecting to reality. 

It's all a bubble. It's all built to make you feel just ok and content with your life and it feels wrong, am I the only one seeing it? Like an npc in a game, hence not the main character. And you don't have a say in it, because you are not the programmer, you are the programmed. 

The depression that I have been facing since my second year of university (so about 6 years now) has been eating me from the inside out and slowly everything has become so pointless. I get to do some exciting stuff now and then, but it's just a distraction, it's not real anymore. Am I ungrateful? I feel sometimes like I want to cease to exist. 

Anyone else in this boat?