What are you supposed to do when you feel this sudden and random feeling of pain and sadness wash over you? When you’ve been excited for your birthday all along, and now that it’s less than 10 days away, you’re not excited. You’re not happy. You’re not thankful for still being alive. Your only thought is why? Why does god keep you alive, if all you feel is pain? Why does god keep you alive to just go through countless amount of trials and tribulations? Sometimes I dream of running into the middle of the road, accidental death… then I ask myself, would anyone even care? Would there be any funeral or people just say good riddance and move on with their lives? Will I at least get recognition and receive care after my death, or would it simply just be chalked down to another event in life? When will your chance come to just be happy? When will all the pain end? Or is it simply an endless loop? I feel like I’m burdening all of you with these thoughts… but like I’m sure many of you, I have no one to talk to about any of this. I’m supposed to be the jolly person, the one who’s smile never fades… while inside, I know I’m not truly smiling, just putting up a facade.