Sometimes I get the feeling I am cast in a story, reinforced by voices praising me in my mind for moments I experience strong emotion, defy my boundaries I have set, or do something special and caring for others.

I feel like I am living as a character I thought up when I was younger. I thought up all these characteristics I idolized and one day said "I'm going to strive to be that". And ever since have had these pushes to think and act in a certain way.

And I'm wondering where to go next. Is it healthy to follow in this idolization of becoming what I perceive as ever more perfect? When I spell it out it seems egotistical... Yet I only have this one life to live and love. I want it to be the best I can make it.

I am getting weird thoughts about acting and starring in my own life even thinking about it in this way.

Am I showing off for others or seeking experiences for me? And do others experience what I experience in a way it could be one and the same. (My experience with voices has me questioning what other consciousnesses could be on my journey with me)

Who am I and who do I want to be?

Give me some good ideas to strive for!