I had a falling out with my two closest friends in January. I cut off one which was very difficult but needed to happen as it was a toxic friendship. The other I'm letting a slow fade because of a fight and it's not worth pursuing anymore. 

It's really difficult for me to let people go even when they are toxic and harmful to me. Needless to say I feel lonely and I missed having a close friendship. So I decided to go back to work full time again, to stay busy and to socialize. I thought it would be better than sulking at home.

It started off well. I got a long great with the people I work with. I'm a nurse and I work a small OB unit at a rural hospital. It's just 3 night nurses (including me) and 1 scrub tech. So it's good to get along because you spend so much time with these people. 

I've known the girl I work with for over a year but our travel scrub tech is new. They've really hit it off to the point I'm starting to feel left out. They make plans and exchange numbers. Sit there and show each other stuff on their phones. I don't need these people to be my friends. However, It would be nice to be included or acknowledged. 

I've always been on the outside looking in. I was bullied in school, in college, and in the workplace. I'm used to it and I've accepted the fact it has to be something about my personality. 

Anyhow, something that was supposed to help with my depression is only exacerbating it. The loneliness of not having close friends and the feeling of being excluded on top of that is making me feel like shit.

I'm sure this seems like a juvenile problem. Sometimes I have difficulty trusting my emotions because of my BPD and people telling me I'm being "overemotinal". At this point should I just ride it out, or look for something better/with more employees?


TL:DR After falling out with my 2 closest friends I decided to go back to work to keep myself busy. It started of well but now I'm being excluded and it's exacerbating my pre existing depression and loneliness. Should I look for a new job at a larger hospital.