I am currently 19 years old, and I’ve even suffering with depression and anxiety for years. 

I was bullied really badly in high school, and I lost both my father and grandfather, two men I was very close with. 

I am so disgusted with myself. I cannot begin to tell you all how much I hate myself. 

I was admitted to my local psychiatric ward two weeks ago because my self harming for really bad. My body is disgusting. It’s covered in cuts and burns. I can’t even wear short sleeves in public anymore.

I want to be back in the psychiatric unit, truly. Deep down, I never wanted to leave. I felt safe from myself there. I felt cared for. I felt okay.

Now I’m back to living alone. I quit all of my medications that I was on in there. They were messing up my bed big time and gave me panic attacks.

What the hell do I do? I want to take my life, but if I do so then it’s selfish. It’s like I’m trapped here. Living feels like a punishment for something I did in a past life.

I do not want to be on this planet anymore. I want to leave so bad. I don’t care where my soul goes. Any place is better than here.