I've been suffering from massive anxiety and panic attacks for 22+ years now, so i'm kinda used to it. Most of the month i'm fine and then there's always a few days where it gets rough.

Nothing like today though. Immediately after waking up, i felt this insane fear and panic creeping in and it still hasn't gone away 8 hours later. Some real "flight or flight" levels of fear. Even waking around the apartment has been a challenge, because i just feel so weird and jittery. Kinda like it's not my body and everything just feels alien, if that makes sense. Doing anything to distract myself is a real challenge. Can't really focus on tv, books or games. Normally i'd take a chill pill (literally), but i don't have any left, so i guess i'm rawdogging it.

What's really annoying and exhausting is the fact that you know that you're gonna be fine eventually, but you still think everything is terrible. It's like fighting a never ending mental battle against yourself.

"No, i won't have a heart attack. That weird feelin in my chest is just from anxiety. My heart is fine. Calm down."

"No, this won't last forever. I'll feel normal again in a few days."

"Yes, i can go outside. Sunlight and fresh air will help. Put the damn shoes on."

Wait 5 minutes and repeat the exact same thoughts. It's exhausting.

I hope it's okay to just vent here for a moment, because it kept my mind busy and not focus on the anxiety. Hang in there, you beautiful people.