So long story short-ish, I met someone. He’s great, super sweet, really into me, and most importantly a stable person and far cry from my past abusive relationships with other broken people.

Things of course started out amazing as they always do with me... I really believed I found a stable loving and mutually gratifying healthy relationship. Sounds all good in the hood right?

Except now my dysfunctional borderline ways of thinking might be starting to rear its ugly head or is it? I’m noticing now all the little things he used to do that he doesn’t do anymore, like how he used to tell me daily that I’m beautiful and pretty, or how lucky he feels to have to me. Those are sparse now. Or how I used to catch him just gazing at me with admiration, that doesn’t happen anymore. Small and maybe stupid things he used to do that just made me feel really special that are falling off already after 4 months of dating. 

I’m so afraid that I’ve let my guard down too much- that now my feelings for him are so strong that he feels he doesn’t need to try anymore, taking me for granted, hurting me and eventually of course, abandoning me. There it is,  the crux of bpd- abandonment fears. Now I’m having STRONG feelings to cut ties and RUN. I think I’d rather be single and alone than suffer anymore of this daily anxiety and questioning whether he’s slowly losing interest or whatever my stupid brain tells me. 

I’m not currently in therapy as I can no longer see my school counselor since I’ve graduated.. I’m a mess in the head, I could use some support rn :(