So I recently quit weed and compulsive gaming which has led to my mood being much better. I even caught glandular fever recently which meant I had to work from home. Now I don't know about any of you but having a physical illness is a walk in the park compared to what I'm used to, so I felt kind of elated that I got sympathy from people and was able to just rest for a bit. It also reminded me that nothing really matters and we are physically fallible and will inevitably fall apart. I was laughing hysterically with a fever and just carried on doing my work. I realised that I have a good job and a roof over my head and a few friends and family to call upon, and that things can be improved with my own mettle.

Then that creeping feeling came back. It is like a worm nestling into your brain, with no name or value attached to it. I was asking myself - what is bothering me? why am I suddenly distraught? I couldn't figure out why and I still can't . Then I remembered I'm very ill, and that my mood fluctuating is part and parcel of it. Doesn't really matter what is happening outside me or inside my mind - that will always remain. But having perspective away from being constantly high is a plus I guess. Just something I wished to share :)