I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. I am not happy and i don’t know how to fix it. I’m a 21M, I’ve grown having everything I’ve wanted, i have been privileged my entire life but i am not happy. I suffer from depression and recently it has become worse and worse. I go to university and I’m not sure i like what I’m doing, I’m doing really bad. I want to drop out and do something else but I’m scared, I’m thousands of dollars in debt and very close to graduating (that’s if I don’t fail my classes). I just wish sometimes that time would stop, not think about responsibilities, not think about anything, not feel anything. I am hurting people and I don’t know how to stop myself from doing it. I make bad decisions, i don’t know how to say no or confront people and it will eventually hurt them but I can’t stop. I sometimes think about offing myself but what has stopped me is my mom and my dog. We live in a different country away from family. I don’t want to hurt her or disappoint her but it feels like everything I’m doing is doing exactly that. She has sacrificed everything for me and thinking about doing that to her kills me. I also like men and i feel like she doesn’t accept me even though she says she does, but micro aggressions she does say otherwise. I am constantly tired and bored of everything, its hard to keep my interest or focus on anything and it has affected every aspect of my life, especially school. Everyday i feel like I’m closer and closer to the end and it keeps getting worse. I don’t like where I’m living and the way I’m living but I can’t change anything, it is not in my power. I am desperate to try to find myself but i keep getting lost. No one has been able to help me and I don’t know what else to do.