A memory I had long forgotten passed through my mind; when I was 8yo I would spend since coming back from school to dinnertime trying to do 1 sheet of homework because I was unable to concentrate. I was so frustrated that I thought of killing myself almost everyday. 

Remembering that has been devastating. That means that I actually have always been miserable. Will I ever stop being it? I have everything on my side, a caring family, good friends, good grades, a nice house, hobbies...And yet I always feel like shit. 

For a while it seemed like I finally was happy but out of nowhere life dragged me down again. Please put me out of my misery, it's mercy at this point, please. 

Is there such thing as permanent depression or something?