TL;DR - I have bpd and my ex texted me after we cut all contact 6 months ago. I texted back, she didn’t reply. I miss her and idk what to do.

Obviously I have bpd. but. i miss my ex so much.

We hadn’t talked in 6 months, and she texted me late last night with “👀”. That was it. so i replied, said “bruh. did you really just text me to block me?” those messages delivered, so i said “idk if you blocked me for sure, but if you texted me to be mean to me just don’t text me please.” 

I didn’t hear from her, so a few hours later I texted her and said “why did you text me?” and that hasn’t delivered yet and that was 7 ish hours ago. So I’m assuming she blocked me again. 

Our relationship was very rocky and it didn’t last long, it was super intense. She was really mean to me, telling me to kill myself, telling me she never wanted to talk to me again, told me I was disposable, etc. Literally was just mean. All the time. Like it was a personality trait. 

I just miss her and I wanna know why she texted me, but I have no other way of contacting her. I know it would be bad but I do still love her. She made it clear that she never wanted anything to do with me, so I respected that and hadn’t texted her. I wanted to. But i didn’t. And then she texts me out of nowhere. I want her to answer, but I don’t want to go all crazy on her because I feel like i’ve changed. Either way I’m sad and I miss her and I don’t really know what to do. 

I just have that BPD feeling where I can’t do anything, can’t get out of bed, can’t eat, bc i’m so wrecked over someone I love bc they won’t talk to me. It’s a weird feeling. 

Anyways. What should I do?