Apologies for long text lol. 

I met this guy online. He and I have been talking over a few months. We got along very quickly and very well. Everything was fine. Until my BPD symptoms were acting up all over the place and I decided to call it quit as I no longer wanting get him hurt in the process. 

When I said my BPD symptoms were acting up that was affecting our bond together, I meant was I was being very delusional not admitting to the things like I just said literally a few seconds ago. He even told me to record your own conversations and listen back to my conversations lol. I often felt victimised whenever he tells me off that I say one thing and then don’t admit it. 

These are the few behavioural things I reflected upon myself and told off by people that tallies of the symptoms of borderline personality disorder just so you get to know me. 

1) I can’t take criticism 
2) don’t take word for what i said
3) gaslighting 
4) having double standards 
4) asking and seeking for validation.... (slightly NPD)
5) i feel that im too important than anyone
6) don’t have empathy except my family 
7) arrogant 
8) feel of abandonment always looking for signs that might lead into it 
9) dichotomous thinking (creating false realisation and jumping into conclusions) this one is very strong for and consistent for me 
10) mood swings 
11) outburst of anger to my parents n coworkers and to my boyfriend lol 



Okay so I have clearly stated my BPD behaviours. So thus, me acting up all kinds of crazy onto my boyfriend I had to call it quit and I sent him a long message. Even in that message, I said pretty nasty accusations about him then only realising it later. I accused him of being a playboy and that he only wants to have sex with me which is not true. That he is only interested to hook up with me. 

He is very kind and understanding and I have hurt his emotions badly and I can’t forgive myself. I have said sorry so many times to him that he told me not to mention only If I meant it. We fought like many many times. Yet he is still so kind and loving to me. He said that he was very fond of me that’s why he keeps coming back. His last words. 

Right after I send him a long goodbye message, I asked him if I had hurt his feelings and if I did i am sorry and he said no he isn’t and then I wasn’t happy the way he was cold texting me even though I called it over and I feared of intense abandonment was taking place and then I became frustrated and started to accuse him things. 


Right off the bat I started insulting him Like he hook up girls to get over his ex and thus thats what he wanted from me. Bla bla.  This one he got pretty annoyed. 

Now there’s another crazy thing I did. So crazy lol. After the period of me calling it quits with him and between the period of me asking how is holding up after my goodbye message. I contacted a psychic tarot reader to ask what was his intentions of me and I asked the psychic whether he sleeps around. The psychic confirmed that he slept thru many women after his breakup with ex and thus thats his coping mechanism. That he slept with 7 women bla bla and he only interested in me for lust. So this fact was bothering me even though I began to look for answers after our breakup that I called it quits. 


Then a few days later, when I texted him how he was holding up (from the goodbye message) and didn’t like the cold texts he was sending fearing abandonment was taking place and that’s when I got triggered and starting accusing him that maybe he shouldn’t sleep around just to get thru his ex and he should do it the right way to get over. That’s when he flipped. He called and he said im delusional and whoever is telling me these things are really funny to him because Clearly i went thru the struggle to bomb with in inaccurate insults he really thought i was crazy. 


When he felt angry towards me thats when i realised my mistake. That i am completely crazy!!!!! Like why would I even bring that psychic reading up to him? I looked so stupid and dumb like I have no respect for myself and he wouldn’t have any for me either. And that was it really. Our relationship just ended like 7 days ago. I don’t wish to rekindle our relationship but I do miss how caring n loving he is. 

Undoubtedly i guess i would never find someone like him. But whats done is done. I can’t never go back and say hey forgive me i try to be better. Cos it doesn’t works that way. I am diagnosed with bpd for about 8 months. And he was my first love. And he doesn’t know that. Anyways. I’m beyond hurt, ashamed and regretful right now. What do you suggest that I should do? Sometimes i feel like calling him up and say sorry for being an actual ass but it is isn’t gonna mend his heart i know because it was so uncalled for. 



I hate how my borderline personality disorder makes me think and act like 9 year old girl. I am 26F working as an admin. Like can you imagine how dangerous and ridiculous this disorder can be. 

God i hate myself. Prozac isn’t gonna help me either. If you had experienced similar situation like me please drop a comment :) thank you 


Btw I’m Claire from singapore nice to meet yall. Hoping this forum will be a learning process for us and all.