Don't use reddit often so not sure if this is the appropriate place to vent about this but I figured I'd may aswell.

I'm sick of feeling as though I'm always living on the opposite side of the window unable to reach over and touch the other side. I want to share myself with people but I can't, I can barely communicate to those I love the affection I have for them, I can't have a conversation with someone without feeling I'm only sharing 5% of myself with the opposite party. For 21 years I've always felt as though I can only watch, never able to participate or fear the rejection of others if I do. As an example the other night I was at a bar and somone I found attractive approached me and showed clear signs of interest and because of this fear of others, this fear of everything that could go wrong 50 miles down the road, I chose to walk away and ignore them. Instances like this feel as though they're coming to define all social interactions I have now. I'm so afraid of others that I'd rather be ignored, be seen as invisible by wider society then share one honest piece of myself. It feels as though I have little to nobody to talk to, I feel isolated from not just those I care about but also myself, I've been on a waiting list for help for 10 months now. Idk how I can keep going on. I'm not looking for advice or anything, idk I just want to get this off my chest. If anyone else is going through this then I'm sorry.