Feeling paralyzed again. I can’t do anything I can’t fucking do this anymore I don’t feel anything but shame sadness regret and hatred towards myself. I’m done soon. Writing my notes to a few more people. It’s all just gray, muted bullshit, pain. I can’t talk to anyone anymore I don’t know how to be who I am. I don’t know who I am anymore. I used to know but it’s been fucking lost to this disease I guess. I just wanted to be okay but I can’t do it anymore. I fucking can’t. I’m so tired of being angry and sad and I just. Want to be.