I literally don’t get it, why he seems happy around his friends but come to me when he’s sad. Does he hate me? but when i ask he said that he dont hate me and im such a good friend of him. And I just want the best for him. And seeing his smile is the best view i could ever ask. But his action hurts a lot for me, it makes me thinks I’m not worthy of his attention. I cant even focus to do revision for my upcoming exam. I just cried, binge eating and doing sh. I cant even look myself in the mirror (i cover all mirror in my room) bcs I feel so fat and ugly for crying. I keep this for myself, i never tell him my feelings from how his behaviour affect me, bcs i dont want him feeling that hes my source of pain, which might resulting him withdrawing from me. 

i tried to invite him doing something fun but he rejects but when hes with his friends hes happy.

i do realise i cant expect something in return when loving someone with depression. 

why cant he just told me to get the f of his life.

I cant take the pain. It makes me feels worthless. And just blame myself, it feels too much. it affecting my life too much.