- background info; moved also around three years ago, dealt with pandemic while getting a masters degree in another country, and ultimately decided to get divorced. Been in counseling but wow is it still exhausting to think about-

It’s been three years since I’ve been diagnosed with BPD. Through therapy and medication I have a much better grasp on self as well as my response to emotionally triggering situation. Lately my anxiety has consumed my brain. I’m questioning daily if my partner actually likes me. If I’m doing too much or too little. That none of his friends like me. None of the friends I have here like me. I feel like my body and brain are constantly at war and it makes it difficult to enjoy my day. I’m so paranoid no one likes me I see myself “fawning”. And in response to my anxiety I just want to break up with my partner, kick everyone out of my life, and move on. But I KNOW that will not change, improve, or help anything. I can’t even find joy in my usual passions. Just constantly stuck in my own head. And really upset about the partner aspect of it…I’ve never felt so happy in a relationship….or maybe I’m not and that’s why the anxiety is happening? Or splitting? 

I guess this is more of a rant than anything. It’s hard to talk to anyone about this.