Hi, I was running away from self been like 4 years. Now getting back to self. I fear I increased problems of depersonalization due to smoking. I am remembering everything now and am feeling all the pain of my silly behaviour. Please, how do I get better, while having bunch of regrets. I don't live well with pain that's why I am BPD. I fear I actively or subconsciously was trying to destroy myself.

Please help me move forward. I feel totally ashamed of who I've been. I also have remunerating thoughts. They always come back, the past always comes back to haunt me. I don't like where I am now in my mind. How do I deal? Self-therapy?