Reading responses here and on other subs doesn't make me very optimistic. I really want to break out of my maladaptive behavior. I cannot handle the emotional turmoil and exhaustion I experience and inflict on others. And it seems that a large chunk of the population thinks we're irredeemable. I caused someone to go no contact with me. Then I convinced myself they were a manipulative narcissist and have scared them away forever. I hate it. I really miss them and will for a while. And that's what sucks. No one ever believes you. I know I'll never see her again and if I do, she could never think of me as a friend. So, I don't know if I'm awful or not. But I don't want to be. Desperately.