I started ECT when I was inpatient for my eating disorder. My dad says the doctors told us there is no risk of memory loss any more, and that that’s just stigma left over from the early days of ECT. They said that if there is memory loss, it would only be the days before and after each treatment. Funny enough, I actually remember a conversation with the doctor and the techs in the room about the new Star Wars movies as they were about to knock me out right before treatment. 
But I lost everything. My whole past is gone. I have these like emotional memories or responses though. For example, my fiancée at the time of treatment broke up with me while I was in treatment. Through my therapist (though their story is that they didn’t intend for it to happen that way - that the therapist thought it would be best that way. Would a therapist do this? Is that ethical?). I don’t remember any of my five years with this person, but I still feel great pain when I think about it. I don’t have feelings for them since I don’t remember them, but the pain of the breakup and feelings of inadequacy and failure surrounding that are still with me.
What I do “remember” from my past is only because I’ve kept journals since middle school and read them. 
It’s quite upsetting not having a past. 
My last treatment was 3 years ago. I’m now 29, and I’m worried that it also affects my short term/working memory. I often forget whole conversations, can’t tell you what I ate yesterday, etc. also, I used to be a huge book nerd, and I can’t read any more because every time I pick up the book, I forget everything that I read before. It frustrates me a lot because I love learning new things, I have a whole bookshelf full of unread books that I’ll probably never be able to read. 
I also smoke weed, which I’m sure isn’t helping, so I’ve been cutting back. It does help with my anxiety, and nothing else ever has, so I don’t want to stop completely. I’m also on lithium, which I’ve read has negative effects on memory. I’m also extremely stressed and haven’t been eating enough as a result, and those things can also mess with memory. 
So I guess my main questions are: has anyone else experienced extreme memory loss from ECT? And has it affected/can it affect short term memory as well, or are all these other factors at fault? Is there some kind of brain scan I can do to see how my memory has been affected? Would that even help me? And is there anything I can do to improve my memory? 
Am I just going to forget everything from now on? And if so, what’s the goddamn point?