I'm on a break with the boyfriend. Waiting for him to decide what he wants. Its torture . I've done my best to treat this time as time for me as well, to decide what I want too. I do think it is something we need.

But I find myself checking messenger about 100 times a day without even realising i'm doing it. I've set him to "ignore" so I don't freak out everytime I hear the ping sound but then I find myself going in and checking that folder just as much anyway. I deleted and blocked him on snapchat. And the other day deleted him from fb but then had a change of heart and added him back. Gah I'm going crazy!!  I even blocked him on messenger then decided to unblock as then I wouldn't see what he wrote to me IF he wrote to me. 

I work from home and do have work to distract me but my work is quite boring and I find myself reaching for the phone every 5 minutes to check still. 

Goddamnit I hate this brain!! How do people just calmly go through life without obsessive thoughts and impulses? It is so frustrating!!