I've been experiencing mood swings since I was like 11 or 12, but lately I decided to track them and it turns out that I "regularly" experience 4-8 mood swings daily, somedays are good though ,like once I experienced only a feeling of emptiness and sometimes stress in a day and it was weird but cool! I feel empty ALOT but it was so stable that day!!!
I've been suspected of having bpd by some online tests due to some symptoms of derealization- depersonalization , psychosis episodes (I think I'm sure about this one) , depressive and manic episodes... But i don't really know I'm SUPER delusional and I take EVERYTHING TOO SERIOUSLY, I might start thinking someone has a crush on me just by a smile...

can somebody please help? I can't visit psychiatrists at any condition for some reason...
I'm sooo extra I hate it omg I'm sorry but I thought I should've asked about this, I'm so sorry...I took your time I'm sorry
THANK YOU💜💜💜