i have recently become very serious about my plans to get myself the help i badly need. as i have been struggling for 5 years now with no help.

i did a lot of research to reassure myself of my options and although not ideal i started to prepare myself to follow through. (visiting the emergency room)  it took a lot out of me to be real about it and admit to myself that it is really needed and to take the leap. as a lot of my struggle is feeling like this is the last chance of having a good life and the fear that this wont help is overwhelming. still i decided to just get it over with.

but i was still too scared to do it on my own. so i decided to finally ask for help from my siblings :/ it didn't go well. 

i was dismissed and basically convinced to not do it. and now after trying so hard to be my own savoir i feel so worthless and alone.

i have never felt this hopeless about life its such a horrible feeling. now that they told me all the ways it could go wrong i am back to being too scared to do anything about it. my only option now being to go alone.

if anyone could please just tell me their experiences with getting help and if i should still try or not it would be really appreciated. every phone line or chat i talk to tells me i should seek immediate help but why do i feel like a fraud.

thank you for reading :)