I wanna start by saying, nothing unusual, but I was more near than ever. And I'm sorry, I'm not English, I might say nonsense sometimes. 

So. I have a lot of problems in my life. I won't talk about everything now, but my life is a pretty mess. 

Last year, I found a place where I felt good. It was a place where you build things, you cut some others, I dunno the english word for that. I made friends there, let's call them by their surnames : Chūya, Karo, 20/100, and the last one, Medor (fake name) . I felt great out there, I really was myself. We did a lot of things, that was the only moment I felt great during the week, for our "building session". We'd laugh, say what we think, be ourselves... It felt.. Good. 

Karo and me have depression, and whenever we come back home... Well, we don't have the perfect family, y'know. So.. This really was OUR place. Nobody else's. We were 5 friends. And... The year ended. Of course we said "let's come back next year! "

20/100 is not here, he cannot. But there is still Chūya, Karo, Medor and me. But one moment... New people came. It was yesterday. Of course, new people... But... Yeah, that's selfish, but we really didn't want to share our "home" with new people 4 years younger. But what could we do, except let them come? 

So, yesterday, we were already quite in a bad mood because of... Something. And came the moment where Karo and me has to come to the place. At first, everything is fine, except we don't really appreciate them. But.. ~10 minutes later, first thing. I joke with one of the new ones, and the joke made the "owners" of the place (let's call them Mr. Good and Mr. Craft, we were good friend with them, and really really really friends with Mr. Good). So they start yelling at us that we stop being assholes, or we'd have to go. 

That's the moment it broke. We were already not feeling good because we felt pretty useless due to too much people, so nothing to do. Just standing there, doing nothing. So we kinda broke down when he started yelling at us. It was our home. He said "If you continue like that, just leave, I wouldn't mind !".

During... About 10 minutes, we did our best not to snap or cry, but.. We just took out things and left. Outside, I started crying, and we went to the only place where we could feel better, the 6th floor. Here, she sat on the ground to cry, I opened the window and just sat there, on the window. Outside there was the firefighters, a lady and four kids. I stood there, about to jump. None of them saw me. The firefighters left, the kids too, and about 20 minutes later, the lady too. Behind me, on the corridor, there was people. None of them stopped or even looked worried. I had bandages and the only thing that stopped me from falling was my tiny hand. They just looked, and went away. I felt like jumping. I knew I was going to do it. Everytime I closed my eyes, I could see Chūya, Karo, Medor, 20/100, Mr. Kind and me laughing, be happy. I was devastated. 

I wasn't really sad anymore. Just... Empty. It still hurts today, and I still feel numb. Empty. And if this day I didn't jump, it was because I was scared I'd survive, because this wasn't high enough. I want to jump and never wake up again, not only being injured. I can't wait to go back to the 6th floor to really jump, this time.