I just had a nightmare that I came crawling back to my ex begging him to love me again. I said I would give up Everything about my currently pretty awesome life-- including a new extremely loving boyfriend-- for him to love me again. I know it is a dream and so things get twisted but since I awoke the pain is still agonizingly clawing into me.

I did this when my parents assaulted me and I tried to leave them for good too. I begged and pleaded a higher power to bring them back to me. I had countless nightmares. 

My ex was a good person, but he hurt me a lot and we were NOT a good match romantically. So why. why can't I let him go and just enjoy the sincere and fitting love of the people around me now?

Genuine insight or advice appreciated. I would love to know if other bpd people have felt this way, how they coped with it.