So I live with my dad, and only see my mom once a week. This is because I used to live with her full time, but we had too many issues so I moved in with my dad. Usually things go fine at my moms, but today I had to leave early and she took it very personally. I tried to make it clear that I wasn’t leaving because of her, but almost immediately she formed a narrative that I was trying to hurt her. She tried to gaslight me into thinking that I was an emotionless monster out to get her and got even more upset and disregulated when I made it clear I wasn’t going to let myself be manipulated. We had our usual back and forth, and i cracked and raised my voice at her. I always try not to let her see me get upset because it just fuels her narrative that I’m the problem child. Regardless, I felt bad for letting her get to me, so I sent her this text (I’ll update y’all if she responds with something interesting):

“I’m sorry that things escalated, but I won’t let you treat me like that. You tried to gaslight me into thinking I was the issue, and I don’t deserve that. I’m sorry, I love spending time over there, but I won’t force myself to be in an environment that puts me down. I’m sure that you’ve changed, but the behavior that I saw in you and myself reminded me of the old days and I didn’t like it. I’m sorry i got so worked up and acted unskillfully. I truly wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings. At the same time though, I think you jumped to a conclusion way too fast, and made yourself the victim. When in reality, there is no victim, and there is no villain. I apologized, and I feel like I deserve an apology too. You don’t have to respond, but I wanted to clear up what I failed to say earlier. “

My mom has a habit of making me feel like I’m the one causing fights and being irrational, so it takes a lot for me to set boundaries about how I should be treated. She’s put me down for so long, and it was really shitty to feel like that again. Anyway, and advice for dealing with borderline moms is much appreciated. My therapist is gonna get the whole story soon lmao