I posted about a date earlier today, that went well -- I thought.

But no text back all day. And sent me to an episode.

I tried everything: 

\-focused on a hobby

\-exercised

\-went down by the river and cried

\-ate

\-posted here

\-deep breaths

\-watched tv

&amp;#x200B;

Until finally, when I got home mid afternoon, while watching TV, I just started crying and breathing heavily

&amp;#x200B;

I realized that I may really have BPD 

&amp;#x200B;

Flashbacks to all the times I had an "FP", impulsive behavior, the rejections that would send me into episodes, intense but short-lived romances

&amp;#x200B;

I'm so upset to have this, especially since I thought I was "normal"

I thought it was just AvPD, but I think this is the dominating PD

&amp;#x200B;

I'm relatively calm now. Only because I feel defeated. This is what I have. 

&amp;#x200B;

I have a great understanding therapist, but they haven't brought or diagnosed this yet. I'll have to mention this soon. I've also been on antidepressants for a few months

&amp;#x200B;

Thank you everyone