So growing up I faced a weird childhood l. Lost my dad to murder at a young age and my stepdad got deported I was also molested several times but didn’t realize till I was 17. I just had a weird childhood as I was mainly helping my family at their business instead of going to school regularly or making friends. Now I just turned 20 years old and I’m reflecting on my mistakes that I made as a teen and I wanna throw up. I can’t live with myself. Up until now I felt as I was normal I am going to great university and i have an internship this summer at a really good government agency this summer. Additionally I work at a bank part time and have a loving gf. For some reason I can’t let go of my mistakes. Here are some of the mistakes I made. 


Up until 16, I would lie to my friends and anyone who I met abt who I was. I came from a poor family who went to a school full of middle class and rich kids and in order to fit in and try to make friends I would lie that my mom was rich and that we were moving in a 2.5 million dollar house. At that time I didn’t think too much of it but people started realizing I was lying and dropped me. I just wanted to make friends and I was intimated and scared people won’t like me for who I am.

Another mistake I made was, when I was 14 I started becoming curious about sex and everything and so I touched my sister ass for two mins just to see how it felt and how it looked liked. Then suddenly I felt intense guilt and stopped and that’s all I know and I didn’t do anything else worse or touching anything. Well one time I walked in them changing but that was a complete accident. I ended up confessing to my sister abt this grave mistake and she has forgiven me stating that I was a kid and that I never did anything make her uncomfortable. 

Another mistake when I was 14, I was also curious about sex and my cousin who was 11 came over and we ended up talking about how to kiss girls and kiss the girl I liked in my class and how to make out. That’s all we did just talk abt it vividly and now I’m scared what if I introduced him to that topic. I really didn’t have any friends and it felt nice talking to someone about it tbh. 

When I was 17, I made a stupid mistake me and gf was doing FaceTime sex and she wore this lingerie or bikini kinda of thing to turn me on and told me not to take a screenshot but I did and used it to Jack off as I didn’t wanna watch porn. She wasn’t complete naked and I never showed it to anyone and later I ended up deleting it bc I felt guilty. I finally confessed and she was upset for an hour or two but then told me it’s okay that she was happy I was honest with her and that next time not to do it which I promised I won’t. 


I was really toxic to my gf and just manipulative as I was scared of losing her. I would be jealous for no reason and some sometimes act controlling for no reason. Honestly I was just scared of losing her. I also shoplifted as a kid I stole a game from Walmart and book fair as I never got video games growing u. These are like my big major mistakes and I seriously fucked up i am so anxious and honestly tired of everything. I wish I could kill myself and restart my life. Despite my life going in great directions I feel as that I am still going to be that shitty person that I was. Will continue to make mistakes. I am tired of lying and everything. I wish my gf would leave me but she won’t she says despite mistakes I made I was a teenager and that I was there for her through tough times and that I’m good man at heart. I feel guilty for everything I grew up in an Asian family and I learned about masturbating and porn at a young age and I shouldn’t have done it. It’s a sin. I’m just so tired and anxious. I need help