Hello everyone, I just honestly do not know what to do with my life at this rate. I have gad, panic disorder, depression and adhd. It has now been 4 years since I have been able to enjoy a day. I can hardly leave the house or when I do I have to have panic attack entire time. I have panic attack doing everything. Sitting in a chair, sleeping, taking a shower, literally everything. 

I have been to countless doctors and therapists. I have tried almost every medicine they can even think of at this point. Currently on Adderall, effexor,  xanax. Been on xanax for years it hardly helps. Just takes the peak of the panic attack away sometimes. 

I just want a normal life. To be able to do things and even enjoy a second of my life. Dating life is dead. Wife left me at 23 because she couldn't handle anymore. (I am 25 In 4 days)  

Doctors have even given up on me and said find someone else, same as therapists, some even as far as ghosted me. A doctors ghosting someone, thought that would never happen. I am not sure what to do at this point. 

Can I have a normal life ever again? Am I stuck like this? 
I would literally do anything to fix it. I am afraid of random death I cannot have any control over, even as far as a heart attack even though every cardiologist says my heart is great after test after test. That is just one of many examples. 
The worst part is all this makes me want to die. But a death from myself, another person, non of that scares me. 
Not sure what to do. Sadface.