Yes. The person I'm talking to deserves for me to come to them in a healthy way with concerns. Yes, they get to decide how they will be talked to, and set boundaries if they don't like how they are being talked to. I'm also human. I'm not perfect. When I'm triggered, sometimes I'm going to be frustrated when I talk to someone about a grievance. It's not fair that frustration or any semblance of negative emotion is automatically taken as "disrespect" and "attitude ", when I come to someone with concerns. I'm not always going to respond ideally when someone triggers me. 

Yet my initial concerns are dismissed, because I initially " Reacted poorly ", " Was ugly", "Gave attitude". I've been accused of "giving attitude" for saying "What does it matter?" in a sad tone when I was emotionally exhausted and burned out. Anyone else feel like their triggers, emotions, reactions are used against them and so their concerns that they try to communicate are dismissed. And that all the responsibility is pushed on them, because they didn't respond ideally?