Hi everyone. This is going to be a long post so thank you if you read the whole thing. I don’t think I have BPD but my thought patterns seem to link to some of the symptoms I’ve read about. Basically I've been in a very bad place mentally for the past year, I can honestly say that I have not once felt genuine lasting happiness and I have merely been surviving day to day life. My situation is very complex, but it goes as follows: last year I left my parents' house because I was so anxious and didn't want to stay there. There was no specific reason as to why I felt the way I did and I tried to stay, but the anxiety got to the point where it was so excruciating that I just had to leave. So, terrified, I left and checked myself into a hotel. I decided that I wasn't comfortable having my parents in my life, that I wanted to just cut all ties and that be it. But it wasn't as simple as that. Even after telling them how I felt I still felt that there was emotional baggage that I had left behind that I could only resolve by telling them to 'get rid of all my stuff,' 'delete my phone number' etc. and I was constantly trying to get that closure that I so desperately needed. I spent two weeks checking in and out of various hotels and spent a lot of money. I was really struggling, and I couldn't bring myself to eat a lot of the time. One Friday, I decided to take 6 month tenancy for a house share. Bad idea. I moved into the house May last year and left about a month ago. I was still really struggling, but because I wasn't so isolated I was still able to go to work and do normal things, but I was still so focused on the relationship with my parents and the way I had left things. My worries then expanded out towards extended family and I felt that I needed to tell ALL family members how I felt and that I wanted them out of my life. I did tell a fair few, however I was still not satisfied because I hadn't told them ALL and there were still a few bridges that hadn't been properly burned in my opinion. That's how the past year went on, I was living but I was very numb and felt that I was living as some sort of alternate version of myself. I still feel that now. I have left the house share and have moved back in with my parents. I have been here three weeks, and it has been absolutely awful. Again, I've been living and just about going day to day, but feeling like an empty shell. I still knew that I needed to try and cut everyone out of my life for good, which is when I isolated myself in a B&amp;B about a month ago. I tried and tried to do what I needed to do, but found that once I'd told someone, the next person that I needed to tell would come along. I could get no break. For the majority of the time I procrastinated by surfing the internet for answers, calling up therapists and counsellors, and one night I even checked myself in at A&amp;E. I now know that I cannot look elsewhere for answers, and that what I need is within me, but I am really struggling to accept that. I feel like I need to check myself into a hotel, and call up EVERYONE in my life to tell them that I don't want them in my life. I have spent so much time analysing why I feel the way I do and I think because I have not been my true self in such a long time, it has made me feel totally out of control, and the life I have led the past year has not been what I would have done, had I been mentally stable. I can kind of understand it in my own head, but not 100%. All I know is that the feelings are very very intense. It feels like I'm living the same day over and over. I also feel like I'm being weighed down by a year's worth of mental baggage. If you made it this far, great, thanks! I hope you can give me any insight, support or advice regarding my situation as I feel totally alone in this.