I feel a bit uplifted right now. Some how a lot less insecure but extremely anxious. I feel like I'm gonna fall off this pedistal any second and I already have a few times in the last 10 minutes.

I'm scared that allowing myself to not be insecure will make me overconfident. But all I need to do is remind myself that as long as I stay aware of myself, that won't happen. And if it does, I can always humble myself so I have nothing to worry about.

I've always had this constant pain in my chest or sometimes it ends up in my stomach. It went away two times. Once when I was intoxicated and another when my brother assured me that he loved me and i wasn't a bad person. Of course the feelings went away but it was truly blissful. I want to achieve those feelings on my own. The anxiety, the frustration, the insecurity, the anger, all of it to wash away. I think i can do it but it hurts so much to trust myself.