this is really just a brain/ get off my chest dump, for anyone that can relate and help me with strategies to get over this. 

im 25F with PDD. I absolutely hate myself. I don't know how to stop or when it really started. it comes in waves just like my low episodes do. I hate how I look, how unintelligent I am, and how socially incapable I am and how little I actually want to do. People ask me what i want to do? Nothing. I hate how ungrateful I am - I have so much to be thankful for. I know depression doesn't mean I'm not grateful, but honestly these days the negativity in my head is so consuming, I really get into it and find myself thinking things that are awful and really ungrateful. I'm sick of myself. I can't look in the mirror at my face. I workout as much as I can, so please don't come for me about moving and getting active. I eat relatively healthy. I want it all to stop. I wish I could kill myself, but I'm religious and am more afraid of the afterlife than of continuing to live. Honestly my biggest prayer is for God to make it all stop. I have never been in this negative a headspace in my life. I dealt with more sad-apathetic depression episodes. This is the first time it's incessant negative thoughts that are hateful. Hateful towards myself (which was always common, but now it's just more negative), hateful towards people (new) and EVERYthing around me (new). I want it to stop, but a part of me just thinks what's the point? Or, it's easier to not. I'm so frustrated. Please help.