TL, DR: State wants to send home kid that is possibly dangerous to self/ others. Parents are torn between wanting child home and fearing for safety.

Hey friends. Fair warning, this is as much a rant as asking for advice. My daughter has borderline personality disorder.

Therapy: she's in a special needs school with individual and group therapy. We've done private (for her, mom, and dad individually), in-home, and family therapies, specialists and psychiatrists. We've supported her. 

Even with all the help, she has becoming increasingly impulsive, unstable, and troubled over the past few years. Everything from fighting with parents (verbally and physically, mostly mom), running away, some stealing (mostly from mom), lying (including saying she took drugs that she never did, that a made up friend is dead, as well as about where she goes and what she does), sexual behaviors (definitely internet, possibly IRL), running away, self harm and threats of suicide. Underneath it all, she can be really sweet.

We hospitalized her a few months ago and refused to take her home after. She is away in stabilization, and they're telling me she needs to come home pending transfer to residential, I have no choice. The state worker feels she isn't strong enough or tough enough to end up in a residential and it hurt her long-term (she has already learned negative skills from every hospitalization or mentally ill peers).

On one hand we afraid to let her home. When she was first hospitalized she plainly stated "I will harm mom when I come home." We are finally able to sleep without fear of her running out in the middle of the night. Visits have gone well, family sessions are hit or miss. Just last week she stated "if you guys aren't comfortable with me being home, I will abuse you." She wants a job but she isn't stable enough. She will resent that we aren't getting her a license or trusting her alone based on her (still-present) self harming tendencies. As much as we've secured safety items (knives/ meds), I'm not prepared to lock away purses/ cash/ cards, car keys, every potentially harmful device in the garage. I'm not able to trust her when she leaves my sight (I believe she has engaged in risky behaviors, and friends confirmed that she really isn't with them). She acts paranoid or belligerent every time I ask her even simple questions. I can't prevent her from running away again. 

On the other hand, we wonder if sending her to a residential with more severe girls will just reinforce bad behaviors and the feeling that we're abandoning her. She isn't experiencing all the teen stuff that allows her to be a well rounded adult. She could still run away from a residential. She may resent us permanently and lose the chance of a relationship. And once we let her home, the state won't exactly rush to place her in a residential. 

The state is saying we have no choice but to take her home, and they will offer us in home support (which she refuses to accept). I have spoken to CPS, and they confirmed that refusing her will lead to an investigation, loss of other children in home, and being sued by the state for child support if they do put her in custody. 

So do I take her home and just hope that the months away/ fear of going back will make behave better? Do I ask a lawyer to petition the state and hope she doesn't hate me forever? We both miss her and feel extremely conflicted about what to do next.