Hi. I'll start will a little recap. Things have been rough. Obviously lol. My therapist up and moved to Germany. I felt betrayed and have been cutting again. I have been having panic attacks and I feel helpless because I was certain she was going to be the one to help me recover. Now I'm stuck with someone who doesn't know or understand me and I have to restart.
I got 14 stitches yesterday and I still want to cut as deep as I can. I fantasize about hitting a vein and I have been wanting to take the rest of my xanax which is like 30-40 1mg pills. Idk if that would kill me or not but I just want to do it. I want my dad to know I'm suffering. I want to feel validated and for some reason I just want to do something crazy. Idk. Has anyone else felt like this...?