Hi everyone! I’m very new to reddit so pls bare with me if I’m a little ignorant to formatting and such. But I’ve suffered with depression and anxiety for almost my entire life. I’ve been in and out of mental behavioral hospitals and put on medications, but none of these solutions have seem to fully help me. Now 19 years old, I can begin to feel my thoughts of suicide worsening. I feel like I have no control of my life anymore. Every idea or goal that I once had, has kind of turned to nothingness. I’m in college now and I’ve let my grades slip (I’m failing), I’ve been in an almost 3 year relationship with my bf, but I feel very disconnected from him, I just lost my grandmother, so expressing these feelings to my family members will just complicate things even more, and I’ve even tried psychedelic drugs to understand myself more, but I still feel pretty empty. In the last month, my body weight went from 135 to 112 because I don’t even have enough energy to eat anymore. I just feel like I’m a walking dead person. I’ve come here to just get some advice on life and how to deal with mental illness.