it just hurts. i know it shouldn't cuz humans weren't made to be attracted to only one person but for me it is like that. i need one person who makes my life whole from every perspective, they're the only one i can even feel attraction to, other people don't turn me on at all, i can find people beautiful or pretty but i can't be sexually attracted to them. even when i masturbate my husband's the only thing on my mind. i just want to be perfect enough for him and i feel like im not and never will be. i want to rip myself apart. he's the best to me ever and we communicate constantly and he knows about this, he reassures me that im the only one for him and that he only does that when im asleep and he's bored but i don't care. he has my nudes, he has our sex tapes but it isn't enough. i gave him the green light to do whatever he feels like and that i won't limit him because i don't think it's fair to suppress somebody's urges or whatever. i couldn't be one of those girls who set rules out of insecurity. but i am the pleaser who will go on her knees and beyond even when i have no sex drive and it isn't enough. it will never be enough. so im left with pain and paranoia and delusions and WE TALK ABOUT, HE KNOWS ALL OF THIS AND I THINK IT'S SICK THAT J EVEN FEEL LIKE THIS JUST BECAUSE IM SO SELFISH AND MY SENSE OF SELF WORTH IS FULLY DEPENDENT ON HIM. i hate myself. how do i get over it and brush of the fact that hot people exist and he will sometimes find them attractive and admit to find them fuckable... i just can't deal with myself anymore and i can't believe any word of psaise or compliment he gives me.