[16M], So my family is like a nomad. We live in one place for a year or two and leave/go to another place. (This is the case with UAE, everything is temporary and jobs I have changed school seven times and never got the chance to make any friends. Now, this never bothered me because I never gave it much attention.

I studied grade 9 and 10 in Uzbekistan and now I'm back in UAE because my dad got a job offer. We settled down in a gardenous community but everything is a 30minute drive away (that's the case with UAE).

Just two days ago I was happy, maybe blind of what I was missing out on and WITHOUT my lingering depressive thoughts and anxious concerns... This is going to sound stupid but one of my old friend from uzbekistan tagged me in to an edited photo of our friend circle messing around; I, feeling a bit nostalgic looked up old music I listened to, everything was going nice it felt good then I remembered an anime OST then that led me to watch a new one (silent voice if anyone's interested) and after completing it, that triggered it. This may sound weird but this really triggered so many emotions in me, I started comparing my life to that anime. "Anime is not real, Japan isn't like this" I know! But you know what else I don't have that everyone has? A permanent home! An IRL friend! A childhood room! 

It is too late to make best friends, social circles and long lasting relationships, right? After a year or two I'm going to university. I wish I could be born somewhere where I lived permanently and made good relationships. I don't know who I am, I'm always treated as a visitor, an alien, because I'm neither uzbek or Arab or someone that lived with them.

I can't eat or do anything productive, everything feels like a burden and I just want to run away and or just end myself. I want to take the risk to runaway. I don't want to feel this miserable pain. Every second feels like an agony. What can I do? This is NOT post-anime-depression. I realized everyone had close friends, school buddies even my own so called friends. I wish I could find ppl my age to socialise but if you know UAE, then you know this place is hustle culture and no one comes out to socialize. I tried looking up for free or cheap boarding school abroad to escape away but couldn't find cheap ones. My parents are not good in terms of finance. I want to do au pair program the moment I turn 17. What can I do  to prevent myself from doing harm to myself? I feel miserable.