She has been on my mind for years. I’m finally allowing myself to process things more, and I have been having the urge to have a conversation with her for months now. A conversation that I’m seeking closure from, understanding, and clarity. This past relationship eats at me, so I’m hoping if I have an open conversation It can be a big step in healing for me. I don’t want to bother her, so I feel like I’ve kind of beat around the bush instead of being upfront, expressing myself, and asking for a call.

I’ve tried to follow what everyone says which is…don’t reach out, let it go, move on, don’t talk to her. However I feel like I have to express myself, like I need to get this off of my chest, like a deep urge. I have deleted her number and changed my number multiple times, but the urge still stands. I am at the point where I don’t care. I don’t care how I look/ how crazy it may seem. What’s important to me is gaining clarity and closure from one of the most important relationships of my life. Is that selfish of me? Am I wrong in this situation? Be completely honest with me. I’m trying to control these urges, but this is really messing with me