So I (F23) have had death anxiety since I learned to talk. According to my mom, as soon as I was able to form full sentences, I constantly told her how worried I was about something happening to her or my dad. For example, when I was 2, ny mom went back to work and told me I’d be with my nanny during the day and she’d come back later. I cried every morning before she left so one day she asked what worried me so much, because I adored my nanny and trusted her so much. She says that (at just 2 years old) I told her “I’m not worried about me silly, I’m worried about you”. This obviously worried her because what 2 year old thinks she can take care of her parents. They took me to therapy when I was 11 because I literally could not go anywhere without at least one of them, for fear of something happening to them. I couldn’t go 3 hours in school without having a meltdown and calling my parents, just to make sure they were safe. My mom says that I never really worried about my own well being, just theirs. In my early teens I kind of got over this whole thing (therapy helped), but for the past 4 years, my death anxiety has been at it again. With Covid it got a hell of a lot worse, because the danger was actually imminent this time. And again, I don’t really worry about my self, just the people I love. I got diagnosed with GAD (Generalized anxiety disorder). Truth is I already know, since I’m a psychology major, I identified my own symptoms years ago but didn’t actually have the courage to talk to someone. Because of the pandemic I just couldn’t live with my self anymore and got helped. I’m currently on medication (venlafaxine) and actually doing much better, compared to the last few years. My GAD symptoms consist basically on what I already mentioned, constant feelings of guilt over all kinds of things, insomnia, etc. Everything has gotten better except for the death anxiety. The thing that tortures my most is how final death actually is. How we built lives next to our loved ones, how we are able to make connections so deep that even thinking about losing them is just too much. I hate how everything I have, everything I have and will build can be pulled out from under me like a rug or something. I always worry about allowing myself to be happy, because the happier I am, the more I have to lose. When I talk about this with some people, they just don’t get it. I get comments such as “that’s just life”, “death is a natural thing”, it’s like I ALREADY KNOW THAT. What I want is for it not to haunt me as much. I was raised catholic but i’m not a religious person. I envy SO damn much how other people blindly believe that there is a life after this one and when we die we’ll reunite with our loved ones, etc. I want so badly to believe that, I really do. I don’t care what kind of afterlife there is, if it is Valhalla or Heaven or even just reincarnation like the buddhists. I just need to believe there is something, that what I do here matters and that whatever happens I’ll get too see my loved ones after it. I’m sorry if all this sounds weak to whoever reads this, because it does kind of sound weak to my. Thing is i’ve always been someone to feel everything so intensly, I get easily overwhelmed. If anyone has any tips or words of advice for me, I’ll happily read them. Also, if any of you are people of faith who will gladly try to convince me of the existance of an afterlife (any kind really), i’ll be supper grateful. 

Pd: excuse my english, i’m not a native speaker 😝