Everything's so fucked again. I'm supposed to start getting my head together again, but i just can't. I can't answer calls that are important, i don't shower, i don't eat. I haven't been able to cry for 6 months and now i'm finally getting some tears out. It's like everything i can feel is sad, anger and numbness.

I hit myself till im all bruising, i would cut myself but i know that everyone will get worried then. Everyone sees me as just fat, stupid and four eyes. I dropped out of school since it didn't work or more like i didn't work. I fell i love 1 year ago and i was just dropped like shit. While im writing this i cry more that in the past 6 months.

My "friends" "joke" that im always gonna be a loner and no one actually cares. I have no one but my cat and im so paranoid all the time that he would die. Im glad finally got this out somwhere