30 F , I lost my parents at age of 12 but I think at that point I was able to deal with my grief but now it's seems impossible to deal with that inside grief . At 12 I have so many things and dreams to look forward,  education,  high school , clg and job ...and I achieved everything with bit of struggle but now at 30 I feel empty mostly coz I don't have anybody to talk , I feel alone. 
Dating is always been very difficult for me I was in on off relationships ( 2) for short period of times in my 20's but mostly single but now when I see all of my so called friends been "settled" in life with their perspectives , I feel empty myself and depressed...it's seems like world is ending and Falling apart most importantly nothing to look forward.....
I want to have partner but due to my mental health it's seems impossible for me to even talk to anybody from past 2 years  ,it like I am stuck inside box and crying for help .