hello, I have a lot of stuff that I should be happy /grateful for yet every day just seems to be me waiting till it ends, I have a great gf of 4 years, a home, job and no illnesses but I don’t know why I feel this way

When I was 7 I had bacterial meningitis and nearly died, and ever since I recovered I had pretty crippling anxiety, existential dread and depersonalisation, definitely wasn’t taken seriously and my parents essentially told me to just deal with it. And I’ve been different ever since, I find it hard to connect with people (I can feign it but actually meaning it is nigh impossible for me) 

Which leads me to now, I don’t look forward to anything, I rarely eat, I can’t sleep and I can’t drink alcohol because the process of sobering up puts me in the bleakest state I’ve ever been in

It’s kinda ruining my life as I’m questioning my relationship as I’m never happy, I’m questioning my job as I have no care for it, I’m questioning myself as I don’t know how to fix this

I recently started therapy and it’s not really doing anything

I just get more and more confused the more time goes on and I can feel my motivation to fix this fleeting.

I like to think of my self as quite self aware, but right now I just feel like I’m at the bottom of a whole despite everything being fine, can’t imagine how bad it would be if I actually had issues on top of this

What do I do :(