It’s my mother and it’s taken me years to realize she’s gaslighted me my whole life, specifically about her abuse. My reaction since childhood to her abuse has always been to retreat into myself, become sullen and detached. My reactions to my mothers abuse haven’t changed much as I’ve become an adult. She called me “mean” and went off on me just recently for a solid 10 minutes yelling how I mistreated her; she raised me, not the other way around; how dare I; and lots of other things. 

She obviously is in denial about her own behavior and how people react to it, or she’s intentionally deceiving me by making me out to be the bad guy here. 

Is there another explanation? I think people can know something but not be truly conscious of it. I’ve done it myself until I woke up. 

The problem with gaslighting is that completely undermines the victims confidence in themselves, which can affect every area of their lives, not just their relationship with their abuser. You end up second guessing yourself and not trusting your intuition because you’ve been constantly told your perception of events was wrong. Gaslighting is a sick and cruel thing to do. Maybe I just can’t accept the possibility that someone who claims to love me would knowingly do something so horrible? Am I the one in denial?