my bf is really supportive most of the time, i feel bad even making this post but i need to vent because i'm tired of feeling this way.

he's great 95% of the time but as soon as i'm in a more depressed mood, he's nowhere to be found. i get that in the past i'd act crazy and let my negativity out on him, i know it can be uncomfortable to move past that. i feel terrible about that and have apologized to him numerous times. but we've both talked about how we feel i'm past that and my behavior and moods have been in control for a really long time now. but if i show even the slightest hint of a bad mood, he's nowhere to be found. even if i'm not directing it at him, just me sounding like i'm off or depressed and he basically drops off the earth and only talks to me if i initiate contact, and when i do initiate contact he keeps things short until i'm my normal self again.

it makes me feel a lot worse, like i'm some kind of monster that needs to be avoided if i'm not 100% sunshine and rainbows all the time. that's unreasonable for people that don't even have BPD. i've tried to talk to him about it and he just says he's "giving me space" even though i've told him over and over again that's not what i want and it makes me feel this way. that him supporting me in my harder times would help pull me out of things instead of making things worse because i feel like i'm making him uncomfortable and he's going to get sick of me just because i'm a little depressed for a few days. 

i know none of this is his responsibility but i also don't feel like it's completely fair to basically ignore me until i feel better. he also pretty much explained it as "not being able to treat me the same because i'm not acting the same" but i'm not exactly asking for that. i'm asking for him to just interact with me at all instead of just avoiding me until i show up in a good mood again. maybe i'm wrong about all this though and i'm being unreasonable. i just want to feel like i'm worth being around even if i'm not at 100%.

anyway i just wanted to vent i guess, but i'm open to advice and opinions. i feel like i'm in the wrong here and can't actually blame him for not wanting to interact with me. it doesn't feel any less bad knowing that though.