hi its been a week and few days since my long distance breakup. it was caused by me being upset and irrational and self sabotaging and i really regret it. 
a few days after i apologised for that particular incident and many other times ive done them wrong being im not frequently calling them. i do have reasons why i couldn’t such as not wanting my family to find out and being self conscious about my face. we did compromise. but in the end i still failed to his needs. and he did not want to get back together. 
since then i have not showered until today and i came across a post from the infp subreddit op did something similar to what i did and a commenter said they might have bpd. 
ive done a vague search of the symptoms and whilst i do relate to the feeling really emotional at one point than not. im confused if i really had autism or bpd. i have seen a psychologist and not have talked about bpd but i have with autism and they dont think i have. i personally do have sensitivities to light and noise and always called the weird kid. im so lost whilst i do hope i want my bf back. deep inside i dont think they want me again.