I feel like I lost my youth. Sure, I’m only 16 but I haven’t done anything in these years. I’ve never made a friend, hell, I never even made a superficial relationship nor have I used social media until a month ago. I’m an anomaly and my extreme loneliness shows that. I‘ve never enjoyed these years as I never had hobbies. I never watched TV much, I barely game (and I don’t game anymore), I don’t listen to music, I don’t do anything that a normal human would do.   


Before you say, “just do something then”, maybe consider the fact that I already thought about this. 

What’s sad is that if I were to say this somewhere else, they wouldn’t believe that I do nothing in my bed all day, waiting for the day to pass and so on. Time doesn’t even feel linear anymore. Suffice to say, I should just kill myself. I lost my youth and adulthood is even worse and would only intensify my childhood pain tenfold.   


Why did I even write this? Hell if I know. Probably a cry for help but my situation can only be fixed if I help myself, which, again, is something that isn’t a foreign concept to me. Perhaps I just wanted to vent to the void. Who knows?