Hi everyone,

I recently found this sub and it has been quite enlightening to read about others that suffer similarly because of BPD. I'm particularly intrigued by the term "Favorite Person" (FP). I had never seen this term before but I certainly associate with it. Growing up, I always had that one person that I idolized and shaped my whole life around. In relationships, I would become overly involved to the point of obsession. I craved their validation and would feel almost paralyzed with frustration if they kept it from me. If they didn't communicate as often or as deeply as I wanted, I'd perceive slight, etc.

I would say this was one of my biggest issues among my BPD symptoms. It became so awful that at one point I decided I needed to get this under control as it was taking such a toll on my mental health. I essentially disengaged from everyone - broke up with my partner, distanced myself from my friends, and began working on myself. I forced myself to become more self reliant and self validating.

It was a really rough process and I don't suggest it for anyone, but it did actually help me to break the behavior pattern. It's been about 3 years now and I haven't slipped back into the trap of forming an attachment like a FP. Though, the weird part is... I miss it. Those huge loving and adoring emotions felt so good and cozy. Now  that I have 'normal' relationships I feel like a part of my emotion spectrum is missing. Like it isn't real love/connection without those huge emotions and attachments. 

I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with this? I'm proud of myself for breaking the pattern before I even realized just how unhealthy it really was.. but I'm concerned and confused with how I feel now and worried I could slip back into the unhealthy attachment because I feel so incomplete without it.

This disorder really sucks :(