Looking back on my earlier life (when I lived in New York), I find it hard for me to remember what life was actually like for me as a child. I remember riding my bike around the neighborhood, visiting my friends down the road and hanging out with them, going on car rides with your buddies, you know...the “normal” childhood everyone probably had. But that’s the thing. Ever since we made that move to here, I don’t remember much of my childhood and memories from New York. But Ione thing I do remember is how reserved and “not in tune with my emotions”, as most people would say nowadays. I’ve grown to know, and accept, that as a person I don’t express my emotions as much as others would expect. I’ve held in so much hate, anger, pain, depression, and so much hurt. And to this day I still continue to hold it in and add more onto it. The one song Joyner Lucas says “I can tell you what I’m thinking, I just don’t know how to say it”. My mind genuinely feels like it moving at 100 miles a second. There’s always some track playing on a tab somewhere in there I can never find, I’m always in constant communication with my self in my head, I study every detail I can where I am. And when I finally decide to actually release some of that pressure, meaning allowing myself to be vulnerable and say what’s on my mind...I can’t. I’ve never had that person that I can go to. Past relationships I’ve been in and the one I’m “currently in”, when it’s “my turn” to express myself, I get shut down. All. The. Time. It’s hard being a man in this world honestly. It’s scary most days I do wanna give up genuinely. I just want that person that will listen.