I just realized, that a big part of the expectations/hopes my parents have for me is, that I am happy with my life. The problem is, that I am not. Sometimes this makes me feel like Im letting down my parents because I cant even get this basic expectation of them right.

So on top of not having any selfesteem or any drive in my life, I also feel guilty for not living up to the most basic hopes my parents could have for me. And I cant even dismiss this as "This is my life not theirs" because its a reasonable wish for parents to have. They dont want me to become a doctor or are unhappy with my sexuallity or anything like that. Those could be dismissed because they are unreasonable demands. They just want me to be happy.

And I can't even get that rigth.

Fuck