Sometimes I get hit with the crushing weight of all of my regrets and I don't know how to cope. Guilt &amp; shame were the motivating factors behind all of my suicide attempts because that's the only way I could think to escape it. I absolutely loathe myself because of how I've acted and treated others and even though I've improved a lot, I still do &amp; say really shitty things and I just can't forgive myself. I don't know how to and part of me thinks I don't deserve forgiveness. But I have to do something, if I continue on like this the guilt and shame will actually kill me. 

Do other people feel this too? Not just us with BPD, I know a lot of us struggle with guilt &amp; shame, but normal people. I can't imagine a life in which I don't at least think about killing myself whenever I remember my mistakes. Even as a young child, I did things I hated myself for, and even now as an adult those feelings still linger. I wish I could just completely isolate myself and never have any contact with anything with a pulse. But of course that's not possible, so am I just destined to be a guilt ridden husk for the rest of my life?

I don't want to feel this way anymore. Im so sick of myself. I just want to be good and not hurt anything or anyone, why is that so hard for me??? Why can't I just be better already?