i don’t want to be here. i go through constant waves and rollercoasters of enjoying my life and then wishing for it to end. i cannot deal with how unstable and sporadic my moods and thoughts are. i will permanently be in this back and forth state of mind. i get back on meds, i end up hating myself and my body again, i don’t take meds, i have to try and get through the lows but they are so low, it’s excruciating. i’m just nervous about what happens after i die. where will i go? does everything go black and that’s just the end? what’s after this? i want out but i’m scared of what’s on the other side.