I always reach out to them everytime. It's frustrating because no one bothers to talk to me because they have other more important friends, while I feel like a loser for basically having none. I could say that I functionally have 0 friends because I get nothing out of the relationship, and it just feels shitty. We used to be close but stopped seeing each other during the pandemic, and now the friendship feels very one-sided because they are surrounded by friends while I have none, and they would rather talk to their better friends. Which is ok, but makes me feel like even more of a loser because I don't have anyone else to talk to. I feel like my attempts to reach out are a fly on the wall to them while I am desperately grasping for just someone to talk to.

Even worse, they never helped me out when in my darkest time, not that they are obligated to, but I was always there for them because no one else was more important to take up my time. I feel bitter about the whole friendship(s) because I remember getting straight up ignored a lot when we hang out in groups. Not to mention them always texting other people while we are together, saying "uh huh" while typing away we're doing something. There's nothing I can do to cope because they are the only people I have. I just wish I had someone who would take the time to talk to me as much as I do for them, and that I wasn't such a loser who is the bottom rung of the friendship ladder.

Before someone here who doesn't know me at all is going to call me an incel or neckbeard or something... please don't. I need to get this off my chest and therapy didn't help