I was convinced from birth that I was a fucked up freak, so as a kid would, I pretty much believed it and acted like one. I never fit in at school. I was eccentric as fuck and just a weird, contradictory mess. I just assumed that I was a lame piece of shit because I felt as though that was the general message I was getting from everyone. I used to openly age regress all the time during school, not really realising that was what I was doing, and don't even get me started on the stupid, embarrassing things I have said and done in that state. I still say such stupid shit sometimes.
But I got older and... A few really cool people began calling me cool. My looks were noticed. My interests were noticed. My intellect and humour were noticed. People even forgave my goofiness and shittiness and insisted that I am still cool. This didn't sit comfortably with me at all because I wasn't used to it, but it was exciting so I tried to get used to it. Naturally, I couldn't. The self hate and the PTSD took over and I acted like a clingy, deranged, self-obsessed and hypocritical 3 year old until they were gone. 
Sometimes I try to assure myself that it's not 100% my fault and that my trauma and BPD are unfortunately a part of me and if that part of me isn't going to be welcomed or understood by someone then what the hell am I wasting my time seeking their validation for, and I really do believe that, but let's face it, BPD sucks. On the bright side, I'm trying to forgive myself for my humiliating history and allow myself to grow into the person I should have been in the first place. Maybe that person is pretty cool. Who knows.