For a while I’ve been feeling like complete and total dog shit. I’ve been reading up on BPD and I even brought it up to my therapist because I feel like I can relate to almost every single criteria to some extent. I feel like I really need an answer or some sort of help or change or something or I’m going to do something really dumb. I have a really hard time being open and it takes a lot to even mention BPD when I’m so certain that I have it. When I told my therapist he agreed that I meet some criteria but he disagreed with me because I don’t do anything reckless and I don’t lash out and I don’t really show it at all. Both my doctor and therapist keep telling me I’m just anxious and depressed but I can’t get the thought out of my head they are wrong. I feel like I can relate to all criteria but don’t really know how to communicate it.

Recently I’ve been getting so desperate for progress that I’ve been having suicidal thoughts. I feel like the only way I can communicate how desperately I’m in need of real help and progress is by hurting myself.