hi.
I’m sorry. Genuinely.
BPD is a confusing, destructive disorder. I cannot control or regulate my emotions which led me to not think or care about the harm I had caused to those I cared about. You two were my favorite people, which means a lot for people with my disorder. My feelings fluctuated between intense jealousy and absolute adoration, with seemingly no middle ground. I was afraid of being left behind which caused me to do such stupid, hurtful things to keep you from leaving, including guilt tripping and other forms of manipulation.

I think I made a mistake joining [project], I was not right in the head, I’m still not. I don’t know how long it will take for me to be “right”. I was struggling and no matter how hard I tried to hide it, it still seeped out and hurt you guys, to the point where you had to hide how you felt. I’m so sorry I made you scared.  I wasn’t fit for a professional project of that capacity and I should’ve seen that.
I acted like I was the only person who needed to heal from this, like you two would be okay with what occurred and we could just continue on like nothing happened. That was so, so ignorant of me. I lashed out when you set boundaries and that was just.. so inappropriate, even with my rsd and bpd. I’m sorry, especially to you, [name of one of my fps]. I know you just wanted to give me a chance. 
I should have said this so long ago, even before everything happened. I should have gotten help so much earlier so I wouldn’t have hurt you.
I’m sorry for blocking you both as well. I had no right to act like I was a victim in this.
It’s most likely too late to repair things. I understand that. I hope you both are doing okay. 
Please do whatever you have to to be safe.

Anything I should change/add? Deleting this soon