So, I relapsed with booze a few days ago. Today I was home alone for the first time and had to sleep all day to avoid getting wasted, because I knew if I did, in this mental state, alone, I’d not be safe. 

I won’t get to see my therapist until the 27th (last session was June 29th.) due to us both having conflicting vacations planned this month. She said she would call but hasn’t yet. I can feel the temptation to drink grow stronger daily. If I’m not drunk, I’m suicidal and depressed. If I am drunk, I’m still suicidal and lack the judgement to not attempt. The situation is sticky.

I want to call her, but I fear my own reaction if she does not answer. I wouldn’t be mad at her, not at all. But I’d feel so rejected, I know it. Because I *never* reach out, not even in darkest times of need like this.

Should I call?? Or just wait for her to maybe call?? 