My entire family is going to a Christmas party together. Most of them think COVID is a joke, so I’m not gonna go sit in a house surrounded by people who don’t wear masks, social distance, or have the decency to care about being asymptomatic and infecting others.

They don’t know I have BPD. But they know I’m mentally ill and sensitive to a lot of stuff. They talk to me like I’m “off” and I can sense it in their tone. Sometimes they are really nice but other times, they treat me like I’m weird for the stuff I believe in. (BLM, LGBT rights, left-leaning views, etc.) Also not here to argue about my beliefs, so fuck off if you wanna debate. Debate my fucking dick.

I just don’t want to spend time with people who treat me like an over-sensitive person who takes stuff (COVID and politics) too seriously. It isn’t fair that I am alone tonight. And people who don’t care about others can laugh about COVID being a joke and gather in crowds.

My brain is exhausted. I’m exhausted. My boyfriend gave me a strange reaction when we facetimed and he opened my gift. I feel embarrassed. I know why he doesn’t like it and I’m sad I didn’t think it through. I’m just so sad that I tried to make my gifts for everyone special. I tried to be quirky and do something nice for everyone. I didn’t realize I didn’t plan things well. And now I’m just broke, alone, and drinking. 

Happy Holidays :(