So this post might be a little bit fucked up and i'm also ashamed for thinking this way.

But i'm 21 now, mentally i don't feel much older than a teen. I miss the time where i just could get away with my messed up borderline behaviour. Like getting angry for people not texting back without other people thinking that i'm some kind of a psycho. Living in a fantasy world and dreaming about a better life without feeling that i was wasting my time with it. Trying a lot of hobbies without other people thinking that you are lost or going crazy.

Man i often even feel to old to have BPD now. 

I want to be a responsible adult but i also don't want it.