I hate the cycle of feeling okay and then just wanting to die.  People don't understand and I feel so invalid.  Any progress I make gets lost and everything seems so pointless.  I'm told to just force myself to do things like clean or exercise....but I can't.  When I'm at my worst, I don't care enough.  Even at my best, I don't care.  I feel like everything I do is a desperate attempt not to loose my husband.  I don't know how to care about myself.  Please help even if just with a distraction...


