a little backstory: i sought out a therapist &amp; psychiatrist a few years back due to problems with who i was dating/living with at the time. the doctors really had a way of writing me off and it felt like they weren’t taking me seriously when  i voiced my concerns. i eventually just stopped going altogether; i didn’t really wean off the antidepressants i was prescribed, and my therapist stopped following up with me so i simply stopped scheduling appointments. 

now, with my current partner, i feel the symptoms have resurfaced with a vengeance. there wasn’t much time between partners, &amp; i moved in shortly after we started seeing each other too, so i feel this is a big factor. this partner is not as emotional, for lack of a better word. the first time i had an “episode” in front of him, he stayed by my side and refused to leave me alone, abandoning plans we had with his family without a second thought. now, he kinda just leaves me alone until i’m “ready” to speak again, brushing it off as a phase or mood, and it makes me feel like shit. 

i feel a therapist is really my only option, but i’ve been having trouble finding one, which i can’t help but feel is an omen of some kind. and then what if i it’s a waste of time bc we don’t get along. i also am very wary of meds because of all the trial and error, but even more so bc i don’t want my sex drive to be affected bc for some ungodly reason i’ve always equated sex with love and care. 

tl;dr i am scared of going back to therapy bc i can’t find a good fit and there’s no guarantee we’ll be a good fit. i am also scared to try medications again bc they didn’t work much before and there’s so much trial and error and i don’t wanna have to lose any desire for sex.  