I always associated my anxiety with my achievements and goals. I thought that till the time I'm not doing the best in school, I'll not be happy. But now when I'm at a good place in life, I can still feel my heartbeat on every surface of my skin. 

Last month I gathered the courage to visit a very experienced psychiatrist, quite renowned. As soon as I walked in, the aura didn't sit well with me. On the day I went to therapy, I was having a rough day so maybe my mind convinced me that he helped me and while he did teach me few useful tools, he made me so uncomfortable. Making me do things I didn't wanna do. He told me to write down about my body, in a very explicit way, in front of him. He told me that I should be grateful because it was normal for women to get harassed and abused every day 200 years ago. His gaze was like a glare so I wouldn't look into his eyes and he would often ask me to so I would catch him glaring at my chest every 2 minutes. I don't go to therapy now and maybe this was in my head, maybe he wasn't making me uncomfortable, it was me. Doesn't change the fact that I never wanna go cry in front of a stranger again.