I (23f) was with my ex-boyfriend (22m) for just under four years. We met when we were 17, started dating at 18. I’d had flings etc. with other men before, developed feelings etc., but nothing like this - he was my first true love. 

We had a toxic relationship in hindsight but at the time it didn’t always feel it - I had severely unmanaged BPD at the beginning and as I got better, he then became a drug addict. 

We broke up last June. 

We’ve been in touch over the past year - spoken about getting back together, reminiscing, blah blah. It is pertinent to note I became very close, and extremely attached to his family, and was referred to as their “second daughter” (which I loved, as I didn’t grow up in a loving environment).

However, I then met my current bf. It’s good - I’m doing much better mentally after having an OCD episode earlier this year, he’s beautiful and loving, and we have the exact same humour. 

I decided to send a card to ex’s mum to tell her that I loved her, but I couldn’t keep in touch anymore with me moving on, her son still being in love with me - I didn’t want to complicate things, interfere with his family or jeopardise my new relationship.

To say it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done is an understatement. 

I haven’t spoken to him in months, but he’s just emailed me (I have him blocked on everything) asking if I’m okay. All the nostalgia has come flooding back, and I’m having to fight every single urge in me not to reply even though I know it’s not right, nor should I want to. 

How do I let go? I feel I’ve overcome a lot of BPD difficulties and I’ve healed considerably over the years; OCD is my main struggle these days. 

But I still really struggle to accept an attachment has to go, or that it no longer exists.

Advice? :(