i have the basics: a roof over my head, food, water, etc.  my health is okay, but i haven't exercised in 9 months.  i'm socially isolated (live in a rural town).  i'm not working.

Theodore Roosevelt said that "comparison is the thief of joy".  i can't help it, i compare myself to others all of the time.  i'm 47.  if a friend hasn't already been married and have/had kids, they are out there working on their career and actually enjoying their time on the planet.

i've experienced depression and all symptom all of my life (decades).  my episodes are long.  i have blocks of years where i just live in darkness.  it is disrupting my life in every single area: relationships, work, hobbies, exercise, etc.  I'M DOING NOTHING.  i've failed out of college multiple times due to depression/anxiety.  i've quit multiple jobs.  i've ended friendships/relationships.  i feel like a zombie right now.

what is it like to feel part of a community?  what does it feel like to be content?  what does it feel like to be at peace?

nothing brings me joy.  hobbies, nature, spending time with others.  nothing.