For a while now I haven't been enjoying playing video games anymore. They're just not fun anymore. I used to like them, but now they'll either get boring or I will rage quit.

I've posted something like this on some gaming subreddits a while ago, wondering if other people also experienced this and most people said it's depression. And I get that. I don't really see value in my life. I'm not living, I'm just existing. School, apprenticeship and work mixed together drove me insane and I'm in this mental state of apathy, anger and fraud. My entire social personality is fake. I act like a happy jokster while in real life I just want to burn everything to the ground. I don't like it when people approach me, not because I'm socially awkward, I just somehow can't stand people anymore.

I'm not positive and I'm planning on quitting my job. Nothing in my life goes the way I want it to go. Everything has to work against me. I have nothing of value in my life. I have no friends, hobbies or even a relationship. In my spair time I basically do nothing. I barely play games anymore and the only thing I do is watch YouTube. But I'm running out of content to watch so sooner or later there will be nothing left.

Quitting my job is part of the initiative I'm taking to try and get myself back on track by focusing more on my education and I also don't even enjoy my job anymore anyways, yet I don't know how to fix my private life. I have no interest in anything. Nothing grabs my attention or makes me want to do something. Nor do I have the motivation to try new hobbies or activities.

I barely have any personal connections. The only places where I see people are at home, school and work. Nothing else. I'm not socially awkward, there just aren't any people I would want to be friends with. I don't know what to do. People suggested seeing a therapist, but I find it uncomfortable talking about these things with people IRL and I don't want people to worry about me. So I will have to do this on my own.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do, nor do I think this will ever get better