I had 4 really good friends that I would do anything for, I loved them so much but I also hurt them because of my irresponsible behavior and sexual tendencies and just. Not being a good friend.

I don't expect them to ever want me back in my life but I'm feeling so lonely rn and I'm constantly thinking about them, it's like these intrusive thoughts and feelings of longing.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to let these people go because they were the first wake-up call I had to this disorder and I'm still in the process of reevaluating my life. 

I feel so lonely and hopeless that I'll ever find friends who give me those feelings of happiness. I feel like a shell of my former self ever since I realized a lot of my personality traits were atypical I feel like I don't know how to be myself or if there was a "self" to begin with. Aaa