the other day i was talking to my brother and sister about my mom. its no secret that she’s an asshole; she’s been emotionally abusive my whole life and is just overall a terrible person. its common for cousins and aunts and uncles to shit talk my mom at family events, and ive always been fine with it, even joining in sometimes. My brother brought up how that made him uncomfortable, because even though our mom sucks, he still loves her. and my sister agreed. thats when i realized that i didnt really love my mom. at all. 

honestly i don’t think i ever did. and i just thought it was because its my mom, who treated me and my siblings horribly our whole lives. but the more i thought about it, the more i realized that i don’t love anyone. not my parents, not my siblings or cousins or friends or anyone really. and i really don’t know why. im not a psychopath, i feel empathy, and ive lived people romantically, but ive never loved anyone platonically. and i don’t know why. its been freaking me out and honestly, i feel really guilty about it. i know that my friends live me a ton, but i never really felt the same way. whats wrong with me????