My best friend is named Joy, and since the moment I met her that's exactly what she's brought into my life.  I tell her how deeply I love and appreciate her every day. When I met her it was like meeting my soulmate. She inspires me to better myself every time we speak and we connect in such a natural way that it's as if she is my sister. She is brilliant, stunning, an effortlessly talented artist, humble, and the kindest hearted person I've ever met. 

But she has also carried the burden of an extremely difficult, traumatic, and dark life with her. Although she's found a bit of a foothold of stability and healing in the last several years, I have heard all her history of mental illness and attempted suicides and know that she constantly battles to maintain her wellbeing. 

Today she told me she's tired.. so tired that she doesn't feel she can continue to exist on this earth much longer. The weight of the compounding traumas and abuses that she can never fully escape or heal from are dragging her into a very dark place. 

She has professional support, but outside of that she really only has me. I couldn't bear to lose her. I can't lose another friend to suicide. My heart is on fire with fear and anxiety. I can't sleep. I love her so much. I don't know how to bear the terror of the possibility of losing another loved one.