I think I've always had some level of anxiety in my life and have been more of a worrier than the average person. I function fine and by appearances I don't know that anyone would be able to tell I suffer from anxiety, but I can never totally relax, breathe easily, enjoy myself or be truly happy. Am always worrying about something and what-if-ing.

My mom was diagnosed with brain cancer 16 years ago and fought it for about a year and a half before she passed away. It was a horrible time for her and our whole family and that experience has scarred me for life. My biggest fear has always been something happening to my parents.

Now my dad is dealing with a life-threatening illness and I have never been so scared. I am doing everything I can to help him, but sometimes I just want to cry and feel as though I am going to have a nervous breakdown. What makes it worse is that my grandparents have all passed away and I don't have any aunts, uncles or cousins close by to lean on. Distant cousins, yes, but not anyone I see or talk with on a regular basis. My older brother and sister both live here, but my brother is busy with his family, so it's mostly my sister and I following up with our dad's doctors and taking care of things. 

I also don't have a husband or children to be a support system and no close friends anymore. I am at an age now where having children of my own probably isn't possible and the prospects for meeting someone aren't too great, either. Also, most of the people my age are married with families of their own and are too busy or not interested in making new friendships or rekindling old ones.

I just don't know how to deal with the anxiety and fear and feelings of utter loneliness. It's very difficult to have so much on my plate and not have a good support system in place. If I had close friends, a husband or close relatives to lean on, I'm sure it would be much more manageable.