When I'm triggered it's like I'm a whole different persor. It feels like another personality..

Basically, I was talking to my ex.. She wanted to be "friends", we was together for 8 years, and she broke up with me on Xmas 2019. she told me, she's been talking to another guy for over a year while we was together and she fell in love with him. She told me that about a month ago.. last night I was telling her how I feel, because, we was still have no relations with each other.. she likes to ride around with me, after she asked me to teach her how to parallel park(ofc every day I go to her house and train her) so we pretty much seen each other for 7-8 days straight. While we ride around she would kiss my hand while I drive and ask me to buy her stuff, idk it seems like she loved me still.

Last night I ask her: why can't we be together she told me dealing with my bpd isnt what she want to deal with anymore..

Dude, I was so triggered I still love her.. she told me maybe it's not good to talk to me still.. I felt so used too! I felt like I tried to hard so it drove her away idk I was so hurt I think my fight or flight thingy kicked in I feel so bad..I really really hate BPD

Idk if I can start over with another girl I put my whole life around her and got used to her! I have this disorder so fucking much