This might sound insane, but since i've started isolating myself I feel like I have had legitimate withdrawal symptoms to not talking to my fp and other friends. I reflect and see that I was on constant highs and lows, no middle ground, either ecstatic to be talking to them or depressed from overthinking the interaction. Those little bursts of happiness feel like I'm taking some drug that makes me crash just minutes later but the high is too good to stop. I felt addicted and couldn't stop myself even though I was in pain.

Now that I'm isolated it's so boring, but I'm content. And it hurts so bad. It hurts realizing that all my pain is really caused by talking to friends because of the overthinking and reactions I have. I have no middle ground, I have to completely take myself out of the picture to be content. It's so lonely, and it hurts being so lonely, and I'm constantly fighting whether I should go back because I miss them or stay away because I'm more mindful and at peace like this.