Here I go again spamming depression subreddits… [M] Almost 24, I have no life whatsoever I have no job I still live with my parents and I have no purpose in life I’m just a worthless pile of trash. I somehow managed to graduate high school (At age 17) with a learning disability but after that I’ve been inconsistent. From 17-23 I worked for Uber and Grubhub and it was great for a while, I got to travel, the pay was descent and my social anxiety wasn’t a problem because my job didn’t require me to be around tons of people. In early 2021 everything crashed and burned both companies started paying me &amp; other workers slave wages, I missed a tax deadline because Grubhub sent out documents late (I had to pay the IRS late fees and amend my returns), I couldn’t pay my own bills and I felt mentally exhausted. Eventually I came to the conclusion that working for both companies wasn’t worth it anymore so I quit. But that wasn’t the end of my problems, I almost immediately felt like crap, I was out of a job and regular ones where I have to work on the clock we’re too intimidating because of the anxiety during interviews and the hours I would have to work (I prefer freelancing). I’ve tried applying for different companies similar to Uber &amp; Grubhub but I got rejected a ton of times. I’m an ambitious person and sitting on my ass all day really bothers me, I hate being unproductive. I feel worthless when I’m not doing anything with my life, but wait there’s more I’ve been struggling with chronic insomnia the entire year, I’ve had really bad depression because of it and all she does is prescribe me different medications THAT DON’T FUCKING WORK!. She’s also recommend melatonin &amp; sleep apps but that hasn’t worked either. I’ve tried fixing my habits, putting my phone away early, eating and drinking on a strict schedule, going outside and exercising but still nothing has been effective. Whenever I have zoom meetings with her I always have this urge to be really rude &amp; nasty but I somehow manage to hold myself back with short &amp; cold answers. I don’t have the mental energy to give long we’ll thought out answers because I’m always tired. My relationship with her has soured and I’m seriously considering finding someone else, I  have a feeling that I’ll have complete breakdown and end up being admitted to a psychiatric hospital. Honestly that’s what I might need right now, I haven’t been myself at all this month and my temper is getting worse. I have Bipolar Disorder and I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts, I don’t know what to do anymore. 

Death feels like my only option, idc if it hurts my family I just want to get rid of this pain.