A lot of things have been changing for me recently. It's quite likely I'll need to break up with my GF because what I'm keeping going honestly isn't a relationship anymore. I have a job that I'm barely able to pay rent with. And I am likely to lose nearly all of my friends in the breakup.

As this has all been going on, I've found myself falling back to where I was before I met her. Basically, I meal prep a bunch of bland, unseasoned food that's high in protein and low in everything else because I don't really notice taste all that much anymore. My daily routine is to wake up, mindlessly exercise, get dressed, go to work, get home, study for certifications and career advancement, mindlessly exercise, eat my one large meal, drink the rest of my day's water, and sleep. On the weekends I do this, but in place of work I get groceries, cook, clean, and do laundry. I don't really have any interest in socializing with anyone as I keep getting hurt, and I don't really want to go outside when I don't need to because I'm sick of people.

I don't know if this is healthy or not. It's just sort of the routine I've fallen back into. And; honestly, I'm not sure I want to stop. Because last time I stopped I had a plan to kill myself, right before I met my GF. And I'm not sure that that's going to save me if I stop this time.