hi so im kinda nervous about posting because i dont have an actual diagnosis for various reasons. ive just suspected/have been quite convinced that i have bpd for a number of years now which has helped w finding support/resources/n so on. dbt workbooks are often the only thing that help me so its been a long process of me just trying to help myself lol w some success.

ANYWAY my problem is this: i got out of a very toxic relationship about a year ago. he was extremely abusive tbh and just not a nice person at all. i was obviously triggered all the time and the dynamics meant that it was just a brutal, exhausting, horrible relationship. when it finally ended (finally finally lol) i felt a lot better n went thru the usual 'oh my bpd symptoms are gone maybe it was just a one off or maybe it was all because of him being a really cruel person' etc etc etc. but now... im in a very new n very healthy relationship. it is really exciting and so far just amazing, it is unlike anything ive ever experienced before. but its a few months in now, and i feel familiar bpd tendencies creeping back up on me... its making me want to end this new relationship before it gets TOO serious n just never try again w anyone ever again. i cant be upfront about 'having' bpd because like i said, no official diagnosis. it is making me really sad and anxious. i dont want to like.. miss out on what could potentially b a very genuine, healthy, special relationship. i dont think i SHOULD have to miss out on such things. but on the other hand i literally dont know if i can do it again. i forgot how it feels when those symptoms start manifesting (spoiler it doesnt feel good at all lmao). all i can picture is just how tragically its all going to end at some point.

i guess im not even sure what im asking... just for advice on how to enter a new relationship? if theres even any advice left that i havent already heard before. is it just going to HAVE to b a very long and difficult process of trying to work thru it if i decide to try? is it better to try and work thru these things IN a relationship or out of one? any responses would b appreciated... thanx guys