I'm so incredibly excited for the changes in my life. I hope some bipolar people can relate. 


First of all, I'm on the right meds (I think) for the first time. It's pretty awesome. My last combo was killing my memory, to the point that I couldn't form a compound sentence or tell you what I talked about in therapy. But I can focus now. I'm a lot less insecure and depressed for that reason alone. The only downside is that I have an angry streak, that I haven't had in years. But,


Because the meds are working, I can focus in groups and take away information. I have a binder full of helpful notes about behavior patterns, attachment styles, and therapeutic solutions. Also, I can meditate without anxiety for the first time. Pretty wild stuff.


In the personal sessions of therapy, we're going to cover dealing with PTSD+Anxiety, Bipolar, and SI. But there's an actual plan for these things! Wow. It's a first, to go to therapy and have an action plan out of it. 


I thought the doctor would be messing with me, but after listing my symptoms on my old meds (anxiety, depression, paranoia; nightmares, oversleeping; foggy memory, inability to think, and fear of driving because of it; manic thoughts, and racing thoughts). He immediately and severely changed my meds. Because I was in a 5-day program, I felt safe with him doing so. Now, I'm down to nightmares, irritability, and mood spirals. I'm sure more changes and coping skills are to come.


They're supposed to help me get disability, but I don't think I can't work anymore, or at least I'll be in working condition in the next month or two. I'm really hopeful. 


I'm even going to the gym soon and setting goals! Which I haven't done in years. My house is mostly clean. And I shower every day. It's pretty crazy for me.


They want me for at least 60 days, 5 days a week (about 3 months) and then they'll re-evaluate. I almost want to stay forever. But I'm making progress, and I thought I would share it. There's hope! I haven't had SI in this entire med change, I can think clearly, and the depression fog is gone. Plus, I'm not manic (I'm sleeping and eating normally, and I don't have racing or destructive thoughts, no anxiety).


Part of me is waiting for the crash. I was taught through over a decade of medical neglect that the crash is inevitable. But I'm really hopeful that any mood changes will now be manageable. And I'm keeping a mood journal to prepare for and document patterns.


That's pretty much all there is. Group therapy and meds are changing my life, I can't recommend it enough. I used to be comfortable with the discomfort, but now I'm feeling a great improvement. My mood evaluations went from severe, to mild, in just a few weeks. I'm excited. 

TL;DR: group therapy is saving my life. I'm feeling normal, with a clear head. My meds are helping. I'm making healthy changes. Things are good.