My birthday draws near and to be honest, it's not a day I look forward to. These last few days, all I've been thinking of is if I can reach the said day, because a big part of me no longer wants to.

It's just... all my life I thought I'll be able to reach something significant, but everytime I try to do something, I'm just reminded of how talentless and weak I am. I'm built wrong. There's something fundamentally wrong with how I approached life and how I wanted it to be. I have nothing but frustrations, regrets and mistakes, and I'm just getting tired of it all. I know I can still pour in more effort, but how much do I still need to lose to gain something in return?

I just now spend my nights drinking. Maybe there will be a time when I go to bed and never wake up again. No more thinking, no more problems, no more sadness or loneliness.