I dont know whats wrong with me. I was laying in bed reading fanfics and watching youtube videos. Then i suddenly wanted to cut myself and kill myself and for the first time ever, i left my house at night. I ran outside and i felt a rush of adrenaline, laughter and got so excited thinking about just ending things. I ran/speed walked to the river and wanted to throw myself into it. Then i suddenly came back to my senses and walked away from the river almost wanting to cry but numb and sat down on a bench. Now im just sitting here…I have been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and I take Latuda. I know I can turn to God but a big part of me wants to die and another part wants to live. This is getting weird.