Lately I feel like I’m not important enough to warrant reaching out to my friends or asking them to do anything. Which is stupid because if I don’t reach out to them then how am I ever supposed to hang out with them lol 

I know it’s an irrational thought - I talk to most of them every day, we hang out all the time in my discord server. I guess it’s just that creeping fear of complete abandonment whenever I’m alone - and I mean LITERALLY whenever I’m alone - and as a result I just feel like I’m not important inherently. 

I’m also scared if I don’t join every little thing they’re gonna forget I exist. Or like they’re all talking shit or hanging out behind my back even though I can quite literally see their activities since it’s online (like two are on a date with each other and one is playing a game I don’t even like)

I also haven’t really mentioned how much I’m struggling currently - I have only said bits and pieces but I haven’t reached out about any of my thoughts because I guess I don’t really know how to talk about it. So it’s not their fault for not knowing that I’m going through it because I haven’t even really said I’m going through it, just vaguely threw it out here or there offhandedly. 

I don’t know I guess I’m just trying to make sense of this feeling of loneliness because it’s honestly not even rooted in anything. I’m annoyed that my friends have other friends (who are also my friends!!) and so therefore I’m not number 1 in their life which is a completely unrealistic expectation. I don’t reach out even though I should. I need to try actually messaging them and asking them to hang out lol