I had put off dating for two years until my BPD and Bipolar was under control. I made my son and career my main focus outside my mental health in life until otherwise. My therapist basically gave me the thumbs up to go for it two months ago. I was scared but excited too. 

It didn't take me long to meet someone. I had a lot of dates and others I was speaking with at that time (tinder, fb dating) but meeting him was like fireworks. I met so many people that I just felt nothing with, but he lit me up like a firework. 

He is everything that I've ever dreamed of. I've been candid about my mental health with him and he was very mature about it. He struggles with depression and was so understanding.

I am scared. I feel myself putting him a pedestal. I feel myself carried away in thoughts about finally putting on that dress one day and having a family. I love him. I love everything about him even the bad is good to me. 

I know what happens when I feel this way. I overlook red flags. I make excuses. Apart of my therapy was learning to believe in human beings again after my abuse.. What if I am ignoring something major right now and next thing you know, I am miserably failing my son by teaching him toxic relationships and attachments. What if he puts me in a place that I can't come back from this time?

Apart of me wants to run from it. Run away from the pain of my past and run away forever from anything that could repeat itself. 

But the biggest part of me wants to hold him tight and never let go. 

Do you ever feel like this?