I’m not sure where to start but maybe a little back story.

I’m a 26 year old veteran of two tours in Afghanistan. My father is an alcoholic drug addict who only cares for himself. My mother is lovely when sober, but uses me as her emotional punching bag when drinking. My brother has depression like I do but won’t seek proper help due to career concerns.

For me, I was medically retired from the army due to depression, anxiety and even suicidal idealization. I’m still suffering from it but mostly when I start thinking of taking my life, my instincts is to shut those thoughts out.

I feel like I didn’t make the right choices in life, like I didn’t live up to society’s expectations somehow. I’ve never had a serious or even casual relationship, just one night stands or short flings. So I feel like people see that and avoid me.

I’m living completely in my own; paying my bills, going to work and respecting others. Yet I feel like that’s not enough, that I’m not doing what I’m supposed to.

I’ve been having some chest pains lately. I went to the ER and they said I was fine. Guess it’s all in my head but what if it’s a sign that I’m dying somehow? Like my body realizes that I messed up my life and it’s quitting on me. Or deep down, I know that I’m going to end my life myself...