Firstly, I'm aware that my handling of BPD differs from a lot of others on this sub. I do have a harsh approach, but only because I've made a lot of messes in my own life and don't like seeing others heading down that road. Lately, I've been seeing a lot of pain regarding FPs and wanted to share how I rid myself of having one. I've been FP-free for a long while now and have no desire to use that term or think that way ever again.

The first thing you have to do is acknowledge it's selfish to have a FP. Incredibly selfish. Take a good, long look at the relationship and ask yourself what you do for them vs what they do for you. I'm pretty certain those scales aren't balanced. You're giving the reigns of your stability to someone who, in most cases, does not want them. Think about the amount of pressure you're putting on that person.

Feeling crap about yourself? Great, your empathy has kicked in. Now we can move along.

The first thing I did once I realized how fixated I was on my old FP was distance myself. This didn't mean cutting them off cold turkey, but it did mean giving myself space + time to foster other relationships and hobbies. I started a sort-of rotation system in my social life. I'd spend an evening with one person, then make sure not to see them for a week or two after. Having multiple good experiences with multiple people helped keep me level-headed. For example, at the start of May I went on a trip with one of my close friends for a weekend. We had an amazing time, shared a lot of special moments and deep stories, and I haven't seen her since. We still talk online every few days and are probably due a catchup soon, but I've kept myself busy with other plans + friends so that I don't start relying on her friendship as the sole source of my happiness/validation/etc.

Secondly, and this one might be harder for severely anxious people, I became more independently active. My old FP's schedule was packed, whereas I barely did anything when I wasn't with him. I seldom went out on my own, and my only hobbies were things that kept me inside. Time crawled for me, but he could go weeks without having a minute to spare. One day not hearing from him was enough for my internal narrative to tell me he hates me, but he just had shit to do. So, I started giving myself shit to do. Going for walks. Taking myself to the movies. Going to the gym. I had to train myself to do things on my own, and after the world didn't end, I realized I could.

Thirdly, I stopped making it a habit to tell my FP everything. I got tattoos. I went on dates. I made new friends. I actively kept myself from sharing these things with him until we saw each other in person, which not only helped me from obsessing when we weren't together, but also gave us a lot of laughs when we did meet up. Holding some stuff back actually benefited our friendship in a lot of ways even though, on paper, I was distancing myself. 

That pretty much sums up how I did it. I repeatedly told myself having a FP wasn't fair to the person, and that if I truly cared for them I wouldn't want to burden them. I started focusing on other friendships equally. I taught myself how to be alone. I held back on telling them stuff until I saw them in person. Over time, it worked.