I am a 28 year old woman and mom of 2 children. I have not really had a solid structural life growing up, in and out of foster care homes or “family members” homes (I quote it like this because come on water can be thicker than blood) anyway that experience I thought made me the person I am today maybe it has, I thought it did when I found my first high school sweet heart married him was with him for 7 years 1 kid and boom 💥 he sleeps with my sister in law which was his own brother wife, was I depressed before that yea did it make the depression meter go up fuck yea it did (anyone wondering about ex husband and sister in law they are now together living they life idc about it either) despite my depression meter already at a staggering high I meet this guy who wasn’t my type but the souls want what the soul wants, after being together for 5 months another 💥 boom I ended up pregnant 🤰🏻 depression Meter staggered down to manageable and also my kids had something to do with that but fast forward to now 3.5 years in and we are now married(lovely) Every relationship has it’s problems in the very beginning of our relationship he couldn’t hold a job but I stood by him and help build his own depression into leaps of faith to get his shit together for our kids, which he did..2 years in I find dating apps he downloaded them and didn’t do anything my depression meter recharged and never stopped two weeks after getting married I find dating apps &amp; evidence that he has been trying to find someone to bang and cheat on me with. My first initial thoughts…(after everything life has put me through the person I thought was my Prince Charming was actually shrek in disguise) we fight we argued for 2 days and he acted as if nothing happened while I am still completely dying in my own mind and soul. I sit here and think about my kids and how they would feel but then I say they have their dads, they won’t need me so much and I want to jump off a cliff or bridge or slam my car into a pole going 120 on the interstate. It’s not just my past trauma or my present marriage problems or life fucking me I just don’t feel I have the energy to live anymore it’s like I’m a numb soul in a body vessel..idk what or how to be or feel anymore!