I have quiet BPD and it feels like it's made me this shell of a person.

 Like it seems so basic and natural, the way that other people talk to each other. Everyone else is so funny and cool and interesting and I'm just this boring husk of a person. I try to be better but it feels like trying to talk in a different language I cant learn, and it hurts to know that no one will ever really like me or choose me because I'm so much... less than everyone else. I hate myself because no matter how hard I try, I just can't do this one thing that pretty much EVERYONE else can do.

I can talk, but my words don't work like everyone else's. I have such a hard time thinking of things or having my words come out right. 

 Like what's the point of anything if I'll never be able to connect with anyone. I've gone 22 years of basically being alone, and I don't want this to be the rest of my life. I have so many nice people around me, but no matter how hard I try, I know I'm just.. the least to them. They are so kind and funny, but I know that in the end, I'm an annoyance to them. I just wish I was different, but it feels like I was born broken. No matter how much I work on regulating my emotions or feeling happy being me, I'm always just going to be alone, and it's really hard to accept. 

Anyways sorry for the rant, thanks for reading.