I've had so many issues with friends over the years. I've been hurt, ignored and been treated badly. But I have always assumed it's me, I'm the bad person, I'm at fault here. They aren't toxic or selfish, it's that I'm far too sensitive and unstable. Having borderline, you and everyone else around you almost assumes that the issues are always your fault. We're too clingy, overreacting or "too much." But I know I'm not a bad person. I know I'm compassionate, friendly, loyal and a joy to be around. But some friends I've had have made me believe I'm not. They've made me feel insignificant and ignored. They never ask how I am. They never check in. Never ask questions about my studies or interests. All we do is talk about them. They only ask to hang out when their boyfriend is busy. They leave me on read for multiple days. Our friendship is 100% on their terms. It is not a two-way street. They are content with the dynamic but I am abandoned. They convince me I'm not ready for friends. I form a connection with them but they could drop me in a second. I feel so much toward people but the ones in my life seemingly feel little toward me. But I keep going back and crave any kind of attention. These bad people are like a drug but I don't want to be addicted anymore. I meet some lovely strangers, look at other friendships from afar or I see fictional characters I aspire to know and I realise there must be people out there for me. There must be people who would love me as much as I love them.