Always getting told I need to grow up and that my actions are beyond mental health and plain immaturity. Makes me feel like my feelings aren’t valid and I end up crying all day, drinking and self soothing. 

Usually after an argument of me trying to get my point across or explain how I feel about something (today it was about me not wanting to send nudes and that I feel coerced sometimes) but then it somehow gets turned round so I am in the wrong. And all I can do is constantly apologise for fucking up. Then I get called manipulative because I said I struggle to get on with my day when he is mad at me. I understand he needs his space but he told me to fuck off and that he didn’t want to talk to me today. I know I should probably respect his boundaries but I can’t function unless I know we are okay due to fear of abandonment. 

Today he said something like ‘two weeks exactly’ since my last ‘split’. And it made me feel like shit. 

I hate myself for being the way I am and I get angry at myself for fucking up once again. I know I shouldn’t blame myself but it happens so often and it’s always me apologising for my reaction to my partner’s ‘disrespect’. 

I guess I just want someone else’s input on my situation because I need to know I am not a bad person and I would like advice on what to do next time it happens.