Last Spring I thought I had a chance at a future. It took me forever to get the job I had. The person who hired me even told me that they  were desperate to hire someone for the position. I left that behind to  pursue a stepping stone. I made life-changing decision because I was  stupid enough to believe I had a personal and/or professional life to  look forward to and now I don't have either.

Those around me are moving up in their careers and have personal lives to look forward to. Meanwhile, I'm loser who locked themselves into writing two research papers because I thought I could actually be something in life. No number of degrees will make me any less of a loser nor will it make me someone employers actually want.

Why am I even here? What's the point of anything I'm doing? Things don't get better just because people say they will. I'm locked into a contract. Even if I weren't, it's not like anyone wants me. It's exhausting pretending to be okay when those around me. I'm literally only existing to do work I'm not passionate about.