I got forced to get into rehab and got into the most inhuman treats that reminded me my childhood trauma I thought I deserved for being an awful person, still, i started a spiritual road and started to be good and positive towards people and somehow I found God. Not going to be part of any religion, just starting to know I deserve to be happy and I have to forgive myself, my family and society. Just for this 5 minutes, for this 24 hours and the rest of my life I want to be alive and fight against my depression and adiction. Recovery road may feel like hell if I want to perceive it like a punishment, but must be aware that it will hurt, but I have never felt this peace, I’ll work hard enough to heal and after 10 years I can feel again and feel gratitude for all the suffering, now I know recovery exist and I’m on it, hope you’ll find it. Now I know I didn’t wanted to die, I wanted my past self death to bring joy and light to my life. I recommend you all logotherapy(something not showed on rehab)