I have struggled with anxiety for at least half of my life at this point. I fought it off successfully from severely hindering me in an achievement sense through college, but socially it has always dampened my ability to be the way I want to be quite heavily. 

At the end of college a perfect storm raged that had my anxiety come back in full force, and I haven't had a break from it in 2 years. It basically has ruined my life, and I'm nearly a complete shut in at this point even pre-pandemic. I have no friends, no romantic partners, no hobbies, no job. I just watch my younger siblings all day in exchange for a place to stay. I've tried CBD oil, kava, mindfulness techniques, guided meditation apps, I even participated in a pilot study for an (at the time unreleased) Oxford University  developed mindfulness app. tailored to people with severe anxiety. 

I haven't had medical insurance so I had a hard time getting to a doctor, coupled with being a complete shut-in and panic attacks whenever I try to leave... It seemed impossible. But thankfully online doctors are on the rise, and are relatively cheap at least to start on. They prescribed me lexapro and an antihistamine which is meant to have a sedative effect to help me get through the panic attacks while I wait for results from the lexapro. 

I am praying to god that this medicine helps me start a new chapter of my life and ultimately reclaim it. I want to work, I want to have friends, I want to have romantic interests, I want to live on my own again, I want to be able to shop at the grocery store without panicking, I want to not lash out at my loved ones when I'm having an anxiety attack. It's scary because even the thought of starting a medicine makes my anxiety alarms go off, but it's time I do something substantial and I'm proud of myself for taking this first minor step.