I'm just a point where I don't care anymore. I always wanted to die but now I actively cannot think about anything else amymore, going as far as looking for ways to kill my self.

It just hurts to see how life turned out for me. I have nothing to strive for, I just don't have the guts to get rid of myself. Life shouldn't be this painfull but it is. Seeing your own life going downwards year after year is just so painfull. 

In the end, you're all on your own. Nobody cares about me, not really. Everyday I hope that this will be the day that maybe something good will happen. Everyday I try to make a positive change but it just doesn't happen. And the worst of all? I just end up being more negative than before seeing how I failed.

I or anybody else shouldn't suffer this much. I'm trying to accept that some people are just inherently unlucky and are destined to be a failure but I just can't no matter how hard I try.