I have a really hard time in new relationships. Unless I’m comfortable with someone, I feel so disconnected and disingenuous. For example, I met a guy online and we had a good first date. We ended up making out at the end of the date, even though I didn’t want that. I wasn’t really feeling good, but for some reason, I wasn’t honest about my feels and let it happen. On the second date, we went hiking. When I arrived, I was already in a bad mood (for no reason, even tho I was excited about the date). I avoided kissing him when we got out of our cars and went for a hug instead lol. Then, ten minutes into our walk we stopped at a lookout point. He looked at me and tried to take off my mask. I said, “what are you doing...I’m sorry I’m hungover I just don’t feel affectionate and I don’t want to not be genuine.” He was completely understanding. We had a 5 mile hike then went to dinner. It was a really great date. At the restaurant, I was a completely different person. I was being outgoing, funny, and asking questions. As he walked me to my car, I felt his nervous energy. I opened my door and then I kissed him and said goodbye. I felt way better after this date than the last. 

Now I’m at home thinking about it and I’m kind of cringing. I know I’m really hard to figure out and I kind of feel bad for him. I feel like it would be really confusing to be around someone who has these mood swings. DAE RELATE 😫