Not sure this is BPD related or if I’m just a shitty person. When I’m feeling hurt by my boyfriend or someone in my family, I can say the meanest things. Even in the moment I know I shouldn’t say it but that doesn’t stop me. When I do say the terrible thing, I get a rush of adrenaline. It feels so good. Then I feel guilt.  And I know I’ve fucked everything up. again. 