After a stretch of bad luck, disappointment, and severe depression that was actually making me cry for the first time in years, my doc added ability 5 mg and I felt wonderful for a week.  Shit was just rolling off me and I wasn't having ANY crushing intrusive thoughts.  I felt happy, I laughed at things, felt enjoyment, wasn't a grouchy asshole, etc.  Well it was short-lived and I feel that ink black dark cloud creeping back across my mind.  After I get my son to sleep, I'm gonna go downstairs and cry myself to sleep in the couch.  I'm so fucking tired of this that it's really hard to carry on.  I pray (not really, that never worked) this is just an anomaly, I can get to sleep before being suffocated in an avalanche of negative, self-loathing thoughts, and I wake up tomorrow with some of the positivity I've had.  It's spring and I have so much going on, so many pressures in my life (some good, some bad), that I just can't handle sinking back into the deep dark hell of my depression.  1