Anxiety, depression, and OCD have always been with me from my early teen years. I've just entered my 20's recently and am still living with my parents. As a  kid I had many friends to hang out with, I enjoyed the company of my parents, siblings, and cousins. I want to be surrounded by people. I don't know when and what changed but now it's a total contrast. I can't even make conversations. I get anxious and regret my actions and I cry.

My parents love me unconditionally, but I can't even initiate a conversation with them because my mind tells me that they are going to judge me in some way.  I know they'll never, but my mind doesn't know that and I listen to my mind.  My parents spent/ still spending a lot on my medical bills. They would never feel so, but I am a burden to them.

I dream of getting a good job, making new friends, living on my own, and being able to pay my bills. How can I do any of that when I can't even effing talk? I am scared of every little thing there is. I am afraid. My depressed soul has a bit of relief only when I cry. But I am tired of crying all the time. With OCD I can't do anything literally. I lost jobs because of it.

With everything going on, I wonder what's the point of living? I can never figure out the answer. I just want to end everything but I am afraid to even do that.  I go to therapy, have medication, tried different doctors. My condition neither gets better nor worse. I am at the point where I can't bear it anymore.

I just wish when I wake up tomorrow and somehow magically my life becomes normal. I want to hug my parents. Have proper conversations with people. Not be scared of everything. Be happy and breathe properly without any compulsive thoughts parading my mind. For at least one day, I want to be my old self again. I just want to know what it felt like. But I know that it's not gonna happen.

Thank you, folks, for reading this. I wish you the best. Have a great day and life unlike me.