I am the problem. My brain is the problem. My attitude is the problem. So much is wrong with me.

These are all things that I have accepted and I repeatedly try so hard to change. But it’s so hard. And my biggest fear is that this will never change. That I will never get better, that I will always live my life feeling as though I’m crazy. 

I hear stories all the time of adults who are miserable with their lives, who hate their job, the unending repetitiveness and long for change. That is the way I feel now, why should I believe that will suddenly change when I’m out of college? 

I feel so lost, honestly. I just feel so empty these days. But in a way, I feel like I’m used to the emptiness, perhaps I even find solace in it. It’s not easy to explain. I couldn’t even if I had all the time in the world. 

I don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want to do in the future. When I think about it, I feel so frustrated and depressed because I can’t imagine doing anything. I can’t imagine being good enough or being smart enough to accomplish anything in my life.