I’ve never been happy my entire life. I had a horrible childhood with abusive parents to the point that I can’t function. I hear a loud noise and I lock up for a bit because I’m afraid it’s my dad ready to hit me again, I wasn’t allowed to leave my house and socialize so I have no social skills to go out and make friends. My only relationship after 21 years of living turned out horrible and scarred me multiple ways

I finally found someone who I truly cared for, loved deeply beyond belief and would do anything for, literally everything I’ve ever wanted out of someone in a relationship, but of course they are on the other side of the world. Like how cruel is that. It’s like I finally get handed a bone in life, but it’s got all of these different catches for me to actually earn that bone (even though my entire life up to this point might as well have been the catches to earn the bone). Then when I finally decide to make the most of the situation and rise to the challenge, that bone is taken away.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t find enjoyment in anything anymore, I have no drive to do anything better with myself, I just don’t know what to do. I did everything I could to make her as happy as I could and it wasn’t enough. I just never feel I’m enough and life keeps proving that feeling correct

I don’t even have the energy to finish this post. I just want to be ignored by everyone, I want to rot away and do nothing with my life. 

I don’t even know what I want from making this post. Maybe I just want someone to hear my problems and pretend they care, maybe I just want to vent my problems to the wind and then forget about them like I’ve always done, maybe I want someone to reach out. I don’t even know. I guess maybe some guidance on what to do with myself would be nice