I’m literally shaking and crying so much right now. My [20F] FP/boyfriend [20M] has gone back to his hometown after staying quarantined with me for 3 months. 

In 2 days I’ll have my flight back home to be with my family in another country that’s over 8,000 miles away from FP’s country. 

We’ve both agreed we’ll wait for each other and focus on our career/ourselves for the next few years. When we both have stable jobs and it’s realistic, I want to move back to FP’s country to be with him. Luckily it’s also the country my parents are planning on retiring in which would be nice. 

When I imagine our future I feel happy but also so devastated and hopeless because I’ll never be completely sure if it’ll work out. I’ve never loved anyone so much and I feel so scared how long-distance will affect us. Im so insanely scared and it’s like no amount of reassurance from him is calming me down. 

I know how impulsive and horrible I can be because of my BPD and he’s been exposed to it all while we’ve been quarantined together. He’s been so understanding and accepting, but I don’t know how different it’ll be when we’re so far away from each other. I know I’ll get easily jealous, irritated when he’s busy, and all that other toxic behavior. 

He had to leave for his ride just 30 minutes ago and I’m having a full on melt down without him right now. 

If anyone here is currently in a long-distance, or had one that eventually worked out, please tell me what advice you have to keep your BPD behaviors in check. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost him because of my terrible impulsiveness.