For the most part, our relationship is very healthy and happy. I’ve known about the BPD from the start and that has helped immensely with solving conflicts and with communication. 

I know that it’s a common emotional abuse tactic used by BPD individuals, but it feels different with my partner. They’ve (I use gender neutral pronouns because my partner identifies as agender) never overtly threatened to commit suicide when we’re arguing or unhappy. Even when we have talked about breaking up. But sometimes casually in a conversation they’ll say something along the lines of “I’ll die without you” or “if you died I would kill myself”. Usually this is triggered when we watch a tragic show or movie about couples. It happens rarely. Recently one of our friends attempted suicide after fighting with their girlfriend and it made me terrified that it could happen with my partner. I voiced my fear to them and after a lot of coaxing they told me that “suicide has never not been an option for me, I can’t promise I won’t try if we broke up”. 

We’ve been together for 2 years and we are both convinced that we’ve never loved anyone as much as we have each other. But I’m only 23 and don’t feel ready to settle down, but they’re positive that I’m the one and that they want to spend their entire life with me. I’ve told them that I don’t want to commit completely yet and they were and are still upset by it but just told me they weren’t mad at me and that they want me to be the happiest I can be. I told them and myself that if we had met when I was older, maybe in my 30s I could settle which makes me feel selfish for wanting them to wait for me. 

I still want to be together and hope that even if we aren’t together for the rest of our lives that we’ll end up together eventually but it feels like I always have this underlying anxiety that if I ever decide I want to explore and experiment with other people they would follow through and commit suicide. 

Thanks for reading. I just wanted to vent to people who might be able to sympathize.