My brother got to commit suicide but now i know if i do our mom would do it to. It’s not fucking fair. why did he get to do it? He had friends, he was engaged, he had sports and was gonna move and started a job he loved. I have nobody. I work a shitty job that doesn’t even pay enough for me to move out in any near future and i hate work and my co workers dont really like me much. I have no friends, i mean that, nobody i couldn’t even name anyone who’s “kinda a friend”. I have an eating disorder that’s eating me alive and i can’t escape. I have shit loads of health issues mental and physical. So why, why the fuck did he get to do it. It’s not fair, im much less useful in this world i should have gotten to do it. But i cant kill my mom. I just don’t want to exist anymore, i’ve been waiting for it to get better for 5 years and it’s only gotten worse. I cant keep waiting i need out. I just wanna get hit by a truck or something. Anything is better than knowing i have more time in this life