I have recently discovered with my therapist that I am someone suffering from BPD. I used to look back at all my relationships and wonder why they all seemed to end so explosively not matter the person's temperament I was with. I am the problem I see that now. 

I pushed my now ex boyfriend to the point that he couldn't take it anymore and he ended things today. We were talking about marriage before and then he lost his job. Things in my mental state have gotten so bad I think about suicide multiple times a day while going to therapy regularly. I don't know what to do anymore. I caused this pain, I push people away when I don't feel loved or cared for. I wanted simple comfort but the ways I went about getting it was aggressive and almost always results in anger. I felt/feel pathetic asking for affection or attention so I watched myself destroy a relationship I built for years because I felt abandoned and rejected in a time of real need. 

How do people with BPD ever have healthy relationships? because after every one of mine I lose hope in myself and my future with anyone romantically. I hate myself so much rn it's hard to breathe.