I go to school. And hear my friends talk about how they have a trash life and they are so embarrassed cause a teacher told them to read out loud. 

I overhear a girl whining about how she can’t stop getting low As and she really wants a high A. 

Why can’t they just be happy? 

Their low standards of pain makes me want to scream at them. They have perfect lives with all their money and their clear faces. I wake up everyday and look at my disgusting face. 

Yesterday I searched if pimples go away after you die. Because I at least want a clear face when I’m at my funeral.

I heard a rich kid at my school cry about how they have trash parents cause they didn’t let her go out with her boyfriend the other night. 

Atleast you have a bf. At least your parents care about you. These people make me sick. 

But I can’t blame them. When I think back to the time I was really really depressed, I think about how I didn’t kill my self. It’s because back then, my standard of pain was lower then it is now. Back then, no friend to hang out with in classes or breaks FOR A WHOLE TERM. Was not that bad back them. Now that it has been better for a while, my standard of pain has gotten higher because things are better. 

But I have so much shit in my life. My parents, my enemies, my goals, my brain.    
I don’t think I’ll ever be fixed I feel stuck.