Like the tittle suggests,Iam worried.I have been suffering of a moderate depression for about a year and a half and I finally started meds (lol I only started yesterday)which means I will finally be able to get use out of my therapy because I didn't even have the mental energy anymore to do something with the advice/tasks my therapist gives me and hopefully pull myself out of this dark place.

BUT

Iam worried that depression might not be the only cause of me not being able to do things and achieve goals because before I was actually depressed I could still do most things but never achieve any of my personal bigger goals because It was too mentally overwhelming and I ended up quitting.I recently discovered about dysthymia which is essentially a mild but long-term depression and I really hope I didn't have this before it just developed into moderate depression because that would mean that I probably will be stuck with this for the rest of my life or just a really long time and I don't want that.It could also be executive function problems because I have been diagnosed with asd and that's probably also part of it.

It just really bothers me that there are so many things I want to do and want to achieve but I just feel terrible while working on it and constantly feel like I should drop it because Iam not good enough anyways and I just get super worked up over every small detail not going my way.I feel like a failure and like I will never be able to do cool things with my life because I just don't have the Mental energy to deal with most things even when i'ts something I like doing.Like for example I've been wanting to start an Instagram account where I post Photoshop edits but I just can't get myself to start because I think all my ideas are shit and I just stress over everything that could go wrong and feel like a failure before I even started while most people would've been able to start ages ago.

Now Iam wondering if this problem will automatically get better after my meds will start taking effect in combination with my therapy because if Iam being honest I don't know what it feels like to not feel terrible about everything and be happy in life because I think I never experienced it.People getting out of depression are usually talking about doing stuff again but I can't say the same because I never did stuff.

So what could it be and can I get rid of this?