I (15F) have generalized anxiety. Last year was pretty rough for me, I kept having panic attacks and getting incredibly nervous before practices and games, so I quit both of the sports I was playing (basketball and softball). It was a tough decision, but I realized staying would just worsen my anxiety. Anyways, my mom took me to see a therapist and I talked about it with her for a while. But my therapist is now on maternity leave and won't be back until late March/early April.

Basically, I play on a rec softball team, and that started a few weeks ago. But during my first practice, I started getting really overwhelmed and started crying, and my mom brought me back home. I felt like a total failure. I haven't been to any other practices, and I think there's about 2 more left in this particular session. Thinking about it makes me feel guilty about all the money my mom spent. Shes a single parent raising 3 kids and money isn't something we can just spend freely. She's spent $500 this year alone on my sports. I feel so guilty that I'm not even going to any practices despite how much money she's spending. I try to work up the courage to go, but I just can't bring myself to do it.

Another thing is that I start playing basketball soon. I'm really nervous for that as well because I'm scared what happened last year will happen again.

My mom will tell me that she's not disappointed, but I know that's not true. When I had my first practice and said I wanted to go home, she just sighed, said "ok", put her palm on her forehead, and then we didn't talk for the rest of the night. Thinking about how much I disappoint her and how much money I'm costing her makes me want to cry. I really wish I wasn't like this.

**TLDR; my mom spends a lot of money on my sports ($500 this year alone) but I haven't been going to practices because of how anxious I get. Money is tight right now and I feel like I'm flushing it down the drain**

I guess I'm asking a few questions:

1: What should I do about the two more practices?

2: If I go, what can I do to calm my nerves, so I don't have a panic attack?

3: Is there a way I can make up for the money my mom's wasted on me?

Thank you for reading this far :), any advice would help me a lot.