burner account

i'm extremely tired. i have no energy throughout the day. i am preparing a suicide. i plan to disappear online and have little contact with people irl. i have this terrible feeling in my chest that won't go, and i don't know what to do about it. i have a therapist. i have a psychiatrist too. i take antidepressants but they don't seem to be working at all. i really don't want to die but it seems easier than living every day. why do i even feel like this, i don't have a hard life? i struggle with mental illness. i hallucinate, i hear voices. i am not diagnosed with anything other than major depressive disorder. why did it have to be me that has this? why does anyone have this at all? i'm only 16 years old and just being alive is hell for me. i wish i could vent to my friends about it, but some of them it doesn't feel like they listen or care. i wonder if they will even notice if i'm gone. i always start the conversation, i'm the only one putting effort into anything for most of my friendships. i just want to go back to when i was a little kid, happy. my sister has been gone for a few weeks with my dad in florida, and i don't want her to come back. she mentally abused everyone in the house and the thought of her coming back makes me sick. i just want to be happy again, and not worry about anything.