Some background information about myself: I'm 28 and I have never consistently been to a therapist and I have never been diagnosed with anything. In the past I have suffered badly with depression, anxiety, mood swings, manic episodes, co-dependency, and alcoholism. I've never self-diagnosed but preferred to just be aware of my emotional states and triggers. My entire life I've been really into self-help and self-awareness and have scraped by with severe mental illness by trying to be a positive and motivated person. My girlfriend, who also had never really seen a therapist or doctor consistently has suspected she has BPD. We've been together for over two years and our relationship has been explosive, codependent, alcoholic, but also extremely rewarding at the same time. We both are people who want to hold ourselves accountable for abusive behavior and are aware of where each others past abuse and trauma comes into our relationship and how we interact with one another. Most of our relationship has been her taking care of me, I have been the more explosive one, unemployed, and bed-ridden for most of our relationship. 
Right before the new year I tried to check myself into a psych ward for the first time. They didn't think I needed to be there but they prescribed me SSRI's and gave me some suggestions for primary care doctors and therapists. I have been on SSRI's since then. 

My quality of life has made a complete turn around. I think having that initial base of self-help and being aware of what I need to be doing to help myself feel better and be happier paired with the medication has helped me be motivated, positive, aware. It has helped me have a mental clarity in my relationships so I am able to breath through things I find frustrating and empathize and understand where it's coming from. I have been exercising, have been hanging out with friends for the first time in years, I decided to get my GED which was something I never ever even considered out of high school. So generally I'm doing really great. I still get moody, sad, and obsessive but now I have an easier time moving past it and avoid dwelling.
Since I started feeling better my girlfriends mental health has been declining and it feels like we've traded places. Her mother recently died from cancer and she hasn't really had the space to process it. She recently quit her job, she's been sleeping all day, she gets really grouchy and reactionary to things I say or do, as if she thinks I'm trying to manipulate her even though I'm being neutral and just speaking honestly. I recently read in a book about toxic parents a story about co-dependency where a wife decided to go to AA and get sober and get her life together and the husbands mental health and physical health started declining because he lost his sense of control over taking care of his sick wife, and sometimes that's what I feel is happening. Like, I'm feeling better and my girlfriend is losing a sense of control or worth? I want so badly to support her and help her, she started going to therapy and has only been a handful of times, her therapist said that she did suspect she ha bpd and my gf is convinced therapy isn't working. She keeps talking about how the reason she's tired all the time is because she probably has cancer, and she keeps telling me that she's not going to make it through the rest of the year because she wants to kill herself. I want so badly to be able to support her and I feel so divided from her because I've been doing so much better. Soon she has an appointment with a doctor about medication but she's unsure if she wants to go through with taking it. 

I guess I'm posting this here because I really need help figuring out how to stay stable, emotionally safe, motivated, and positive while helping my girlfriend through a really hard time. And also how to even help her and how to let go of some of my own pain, and how to let go of her negative reactionary behavior or help her understand that I'm here for her and I know that she can get through this. 

Even just some support and validation would be amazing, I feel so lost, confused, and alone. I'm trying so hard to not feel guilty for feeling so great lately while she feels so horrible but I miss her, and honestly I do miss the commiseration over our mental health and all I want in the entire world is to be able to connect over happier things. I love her so much and I just want things to come together. 

Thank you for reading!! 