I can never tell if what I'm doing is normal, if I'm up to speed, how I look, etc. I feel like everything is warped, you know? I can't tell if I'm pushing my friends away, if I have enough friends, if i'm as smart as my peers, if something looks weird just to me or if someone else sees it the same way. 

I read my writing and think it sounds very middle school-esque, and wonder if it even sounds half as good as what my peers write, since they always sound so proper and formal and like someone who knows what they're talking about. 

I just wish I didn't beat myself up anymore about spending time at home and having few friends. I think, maybe, even if i didnt have a bunch of things, as long as I was okay with where I was I could be happy. But, I second guess everything I do, and I can't tell whats normal anymore. I'm terrified for the future, wondering if I;m not making enough of an effort. there are so many things I want, but my anxiety is holding me back. 

I really want a job, but Im terrified of getting stuck doing something I hate, or having to deal with a bunch of people. if I was able to look at my life from the outside, maybe I could see things better, see if I act like everyone else, or if I really am behind and am that much of a loser hermit. Does everyone else spend as much time as i do inside? do they have as little friends as me? I have no clue.