I just fucked everything up again. There was barely anything left to fuck up, but I managed it.

I got mad at her for something stupid. I think about how she must have felt coming over tonight, happy to spend what was supposed to be a nice night with me, but then I fucked it all up and now she probably remembers why we broke up.

I don't know why I do the things that I do or feel the ways that I feel.

I'm totally alone now (I'm not) and I'll be alone forever (I won't) and I don't know how I'm going to keep going like this day after day (I'll be fine in the morning). 

I don't really care about myself (I'm incredibly self-centered), I just wish I didn't hurt people the way that I do.