just want to say this is my first post on this sub in like 8 years. i created my account solely to make a post on here 8 years ago and it gave back somewhat-helpful advice back then as up to that point that time of my life was the hardest / worst thing i had to go through 

well i guess nothing ever changes, because this might be even worse. let me just say i've been in a very desperate spot all year, my ex got back in contact with me–i knew it was a really bad idea considering what a psycho she is but i figure if i just let her do all the texting and calling me first &amp; i follow along it won't be so bad right? i kind of let it happen 50% for that reason and the other 50% because i'm super lonely and distraught a lot these days figure she could get a second chance. throughout a week we were planning on going on some road trip and other fun shit she was calling me multiple times every day, but one day around a week later the phone calls stopped. she was mad that i WASNT the one to call her first some random night. multiple days of argument ensued from that and then on the 4th day (last night) i sent a really long message trying to find some understandability / closure and all she replied with was "You seem confused. Give yourself a time out and a biscuit" ... not entirely sure what that means but if this is a 42 year old's woman's best attempt at being quirky it wasn't a very good one. but then when i replied with another serious response it was followed by her just correcting my grammar and at that point i called her and it was just her being even more flippant/mocking me/using sarcasm and not engaging in my actual concerns at all so i just hung up. at that point i learned i meant nothing to her at all anymore and i fell apart bad. everything about this year hit me at once and i reflected on how little i mean to anyone even if they pretend to care about me. last night i cut myself and i tested strangling myself with a belt to see if it was possible to end my life hanging off my closet door but i couldn't manage to keep myself suspended in the makeshift belt-noose for more than a couple seconds at a time so i just gave up at any attempt of suicide youd consider that. i was honestly so excited for the future because of her and now i'm right back where i started only this time i feel 10 times worse.