Ok so this has a lot of backstory but I’m gonna try my best to keep this short and sweet. I’m 23 and have been through hell and back in my life. Along with bpd (a diagnosis I’ve had for more than half my life), I also suffer from really severe ptsd that I hide well due to abuse my mother. I was lucky enough to move out at 18 and get a restraining order against her. Fast forward a few years and I was desperate, homeless and dropped the restraining order in exchange for a place to live. I was there for 10 months and those 10 months were worse than my entire childhood combined. I’ve been in a safe, happy living situation since last July and again have obtained another restraining order against my mom. Basically what I’m dealing with is really bad derealization/dissociation- I look around and still can’t really believe that I’m in a safe place now...nothing feels real and the best way to describe this is that I feel like I’m looking at someone else’s life/memories and not my own if that makes sense. I feel as though I’ve been in a nonstop state of dissociation since I’ve been outta that situation. Along with that, my brain feels like it operates at 5% of its normal capacity, I just move and think very slowly and I used to be sharp. 

If any of you have experienced trauma/abuse, have you dealt with an almost year-long, nonstop feeling like this?