I can't do the shit I need to do cause I dunno, I just can't.
I can't enjoy playing games anymore or whatever cause I'm feeling guilty for not doing the stuff I need to do
I just lay down in my room, not doing much. Spending most of my time on my phone, watching videos or scrolling social medias. 
I'm an unemployed 22yo, living at my parents house. Dropped out of college, and can't for the life of me find anything I wanna do as a job. The only passion I have is video games, and I'm struggling more and more to find enjoyment in them. 
I like being physically sick, cause at least I have a good reason for not doing anything. I think that's sad but that's the truth.
I'm having "realistic dark thoughts" which I would describe as realizing more and more what existence is. I don't believe in any religion. I don't believe in any "we all have a purpose" crap. We're just there, that's it.
And it makes me sad and I feel like shit.
Makes me think of suicide, but I always just discard it cause I'm a coward and well I would make friends and family sad yk the drill. 

I'm a disappointment cause I always was the "clever child", especially compared to my brother which never had really good grades at school.
He would never said that to my face but I know my dad is extremely disappointed that I haven't gone through with my career. 
I'm coping with my emotions by not thinking about it, often distracting my mind with anything I can find.

How do people do it, how do they find a job they like, find the energy to get up every morning, deal with loss, deal with existential crisis and all that stuff