hello hello, well school's been over for months, next year i wont be going to in person school either. I spend most of my time studying and working out and working on websites etc... i've been taking to strangers on the internet through an app called "friend talk"  (Japanese girls) , I'm never talking to anyone I know at school and I would say I have no friends I could ever depend on. since about 7th grade i have become extremely anxious and nervous around everyone. This all started after I was suspended from school towards the last week of school for posting a prank on an old  YouTube video from the schools news page. The other kid didn't recognize that it was a prank and their parents called the school, police were involved etc.. i confessed so i didn't get in much trouble from the school except for a weeks' suspension (missing the last week of school), the principle had me waiting for hours for my dad to come and talk to them about it etc.... my dad's a very big man (I'm a relatively fit skinny kid) who has a bad temper and works in IT etc... after we got home he beat the crap out of me punching me kicking me etc...  for atleast 30mn. Afterwords he had me give him all my google accounts  info, he then proceeded to look at my YouTube and search history and found that i was looking at lewd videos of gymnastics, lewd cartoons etc..etc..etc.... Humiliating me and asking me if i was a sick person etc... this plus the beating me made me extremely numb and stressed put any time anyone talks to me... if i ever think about it or talking about it i'll cry. For the rest of the summer I became extremely sick and stopped eating and would always be vomiting etc. I lost a lot of weight and strength (before i was a pretty strong kid and worked out regularly).I was too sick to attend summer camp with the girl that I liked and agreed before to go with ---&gt; 

Fast forward to the next school year, I was too ashamed to talk with her again after not going to the summer camp..... she would wave at me in the halls but i would always be to stressed to make eye contact with her. Months later (November) i was getting bullied, it was the morning and people were leaving the  holding area and right before we left, the bullies came up to me and started trying to unzip my backpack and take my things, i told them to stop multiple times, after that i pushed him, then i pushed him again, then i punched him in the temple as hard as i could, the kid fainted and the entire school was watching. the admin grabbed me by my coat and pulled me into the office. The kid was popular i think even though he was known to beat retarded kids etc.. So i looked like the bad guy in front of everyone , ultimately humiliating me.... the kid had a concussion and I got suspended for a Friday as well as the other kid.  My dad believed me so i wasn't beaten. Afterwards the girl that i liked at the time was watching and completely stopped talking to me , ignoring me any time I tried to talk with her.

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After that i completely stopped trying to be social and slowly stopped going out with my few friends. 

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fast-forward into my sophomore year in high school, no one would ever talk to me, i stopped talking to everyone, i stopped eating lunch, i would just go to the lunch room and sit with some autistic kids and just wait until i could go back to class. Whenever the teachers would ask to find someone to be your partner or groups i could never find anyone, even the creepy weird looking kids could get into a group....... I would always have to work with the kids who just used me to do all the work and it always hurt my grades..,... i was also madly in love with some girl i saw in the hallway, whenever i could i would try and talk to her..... she was the only thing that kept me wanting to go to school, she had a twin and the twin seemed to like me alot more, so i ended up finding out she had no interest in me after i would find her trying to run away from me in the hallway... her sister always tried to talk to me even though i was disinterested in her. 

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fast-forward this year (jr) i was lucky to get into class with some of my elementary school friends/middle school, they all let me sit with them at lunch and be in their group etc... i stopped talking to the twins, they would sometimes wave at me in the hallway etc.. i ignored them. Later on the wrestling season started(i've been on the team since freshmen year), i would say i have one decently good friend from it (he turned out to be in love with me and homosexual). I won most of my matches with a record of 11 wins and 1 lose. My one lose(i beat him at a previous tournament)  was during the national tournament when my opponent elbowed me in the eye fracturing my brow. The ref didn't notice and even threatened to penalize me for moving slowly. I lost the match by 3 points. it was the semifinals so at best i could make was third place. i pinned all my other opponents easily and won third with only one working eye, my other eyes filled with blood about a 5mn after the initial match. Since i won third place the school news didn't say anything about me, i came back with a deformed face and no recognition for what I did. The principal even took me aside to ask if i was ok , my coach was nearby, so he set him straight. 100000000 people asked me about it causing even more stress as well as my mom harassing me about it. 

Fast-forward to the end of the season banquet, the team didn't remind me. i missed it. they all had my phone number. no one contacted me to ask where i was. When Monday came they all asked me why i didn't go, i lied and said it was my mothers birthday and i was busy. I later found out that they made one of the sophomore team captain instead of me. Some guy that never worked hard during practice. This hurt me so much, it made me realize that i have absolutely no friends... I now hate everyone on the wrestling team and my coach especially. 

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i have no friends.