I have all these opportunities to do things but I can't grasp them. I'm intelligent, I'm fairly attractive, I'm loved. But I'm able to fuck up all that I have. I don't have a job, I don't want to continue grad school. I just make poor decisions because I'm so phased by stupid fucking things. I'm just a loser.

I miss my girlfriend. Why do I get myself into long distance relationships when I know that the distance kills me? She's so busy, she set me off by not being able to respond. At first I was so angry and almost chewed her a new one. I wanted to fucking break up with the woman I love because I was so mad. And now I just feel guilt and sadness.

I don't want to live right now. I hope that I get better soon.