i’ve been doing a decent amount of coke lately. it honestly makes me feel okay, but i’m on meds so i’m not sure it’s the full euphoria that everyone else experiences. either way, i’m realizing i think it’s more of a habit than an actual desire to get high.

i don’t know if it’s actually a problem yet addiction-wise, but i’m definitely spending a fair amount of money on it. it’s kind of a way for me to impulse spend which isn’t great. i think it would be better for me to just stop.

it’s hard though because i feel like it fills up my time. if i’m thinking about it i’m not thinking about everything else. it’s like how i always fantasize about possible relationships; i fantasize about the next time i will be able to get high.