Apologies for the longer post and some venting in the post :( 

Full story: I was intoxicated and ended up kissing my best friend. She asked me to stop and I immediately pulled away and apologized. The following day, I apologize again in person &amp; asked if we could talk about it. She said she would be happy to talk. 

I thought we would have a conversation once we've both processed the kiss, but to my surprise, she blocked me on social media. She also made it clear that she doesn't want to be friends.

Later on, I learned from a mutual friend that the incident was really affecting her, and that she felt like I took advantage of her. 

The thought of hurting her made me feel horrible. She was one of my closest friends (ever), and it was difficult to swallow the way my actions made her feel. The emotional pain I felt manifested into physical symptoms (shoulder, neck, &amp; chest pain), sleepless nights, lack of apetite, nausea... etc.  It was the worst thing I'd ever experienced. 

Eventually, the pain started to alleviate (though I still feel it often). Now, I have a new anxiety.

She goes to the same school as me, and I'm not sure if she's going to report this to the school administration. I can see her wanting to report me for two reasons: 

1) Vengeance (very unlikely) 
2) the perception that I'm a threat to the school community

I wish we could have some sort of conversation on what happened. That way, she could see that the kiss was an isolated incident motivated by alcohol, and that I had no intention of hurting her. Since the incident, I've quit drinking and swore on my life to never drink again. 

I've done a lot of reflecting on this, and I'm certain that I wouldn't have even thought about kissing her had I not been intoxicated. But, there's no way she'll know that. She also won't know that I quit drinking. I have no idea how she perceives me now and what she's going to do. That uncertainty is making me extremely anxious. 

If she reports this, then I'll be kicked out of my school. I'll then be forced to pay back 100k in loans with interest (which my company would have otherwise paid in full). Id also lose my dream job. It would actually ruin my life...  and this would all be because of a quick, intoxicated kiss. She doesn't know what's at stake on my side. 

I'm not here to argue whether it was right or wrong--I know I was wrong in kissing her. I also know that I will never do something like that again, and that I will never drink alcohol again. 

I was just hoping for some resources to deal with this anxiety, and possibly advice on how to navigate this situation. 


TLDR; I'm not sure if a former best friend will seek revenge for a mistake I made and I'm very anxious about that right now.