I have felt such a strong desire to quit doing anything for a year. It became slowly and in the summer I didn't do a lot productive things. I also noticed that it became very hard for me to watch films and long YT videos. 

When my school started I was boosted with motivation but eventually it faded away and I got pretty exhausted by all the school routine to the point    I didn't even prepare for my exams. 

I felt so much anxiety if I started doing my homework. I considered myself pathetic and stupid. My mood was unstable and at the end of December I messed up my sleeping schedule and my usual eating habits. 

I also have an alcoholic father that sometimes pissed me off with his demands. My mother always screamed at him for not going to work and we eventually ended up with no money for NY.

This NY I was thinking of killing myself and even texted my friends before it. I was jus walking around my small town to find a better place to be frozen to death. But I had heard friends messaging me. The wall of shame hit me so hard I burst into laughter and started crying. I hated myself because of I was just like a coward that don't want to face problems. After two hours I returned home.

So right now I feel that nothing really makes me happy or entertained. I promised that I would be more productive this year but nothing interests me.

Is this depression?