It’s been a crazy ride. My life has always had more lows than highs, the times I’ve gotten high have still put me through the mud just to get there. Nothings ever came easy, I’ve lived always desiring to have a loving caring family. My parents are shit. My mom lives for men and always put her kids last. My father is a piece of shit who never shows up. My family is filled with coke heads with no futures. My family I created is broken. My son yells and talks back but I can’t complain because thats all his dad and I ever taught him. Im too stressed to be a good mom. I have bills up my ass, my car doesn’t work and I have no idea how to fix it with debt. I show up everyday. I try to do good by others. I try to inspire and motivate others because I know what its like to be on the verge of loosing it all. My mind desires the feeling of falling off a cliff, maybe driving off a freeway. Something to end it all, to numb the pain and to never feel it again. It feels like the best option, I can’t think of other things. I dont wanna smile, I dont want to get ready but somehow I do. Im so fake, pretending to the world im ok. Pretending at work like im excited to go home but reality is I’d rather stay there. I’m not ok, i dont know how much longer I can fake this. Guess I’m not as strong as I’ve preached. Im drowing, emotionally I can feel my soul drowning. Does it ever get better?