Today it is officially two years since my last girlfriend broke up with me. We had some problems a few months earlier because I had a bit of a breakdown and treated her poorly, but things had been going well since and we were rebuilding. She suddenly stopped talking to me in the middle of planning a vacation and, two weeks later, ended it via text. We had one small e-mail exchange a few days later, but other than that I haven't seen her or heard from her in two years. I know it's my fault that things ended the way they did, but I miss her so much and still love her. 

&amp;#x200B;

I think of all the things that have probably changed in her life in the past two years. I'm sure she's had other partners and may well be married by this point (we're a bit older than most here), and here I am - exactly as I was when she left - completely broken, marking every sad anniversary and wishing I had been good enough to deserve her. When she broke up with me she told me I wouldn't be a good father and that I "can't take care of myself, financially or physically." I go to therapy twice every week and have worked hard to be better, but those words are still the defining words of my life. They're still true. I'm still such a loser. 

&amp;#x200B;

The hardest part about getting better - and therefore becoming less suicidal - is that, if I don't die tomorrow or the next day, I'm signing up for years - for decades - of missing her and being without her. I don't know how I can live with that, but I keep trying. In the past two years, I haven't had anyone's hand or kissed anyone or even so much as been on a casual date with a woman. I have no interest in doing so. All I wanted was her and then I got it and ruined it. How can I love myself when I'm that big a failure? 

&amp;#x200B;

Anyone else still feel these intense feelings this far removed from a relationship?