
It started when I was a freshman in college and continued on from there. I was six hours away from home at a small school I didn’t want to be at, I still don’t want to be there. Even when I was with my boyfriend at the time and felt deliriously happy and confident, I still ended my nights crying before sleeping. When my boyfriend broke up with me, you can imagine it got worse. Much, much worse. I’m still friends with my ex, which is a tricky situation because I still have feelings for him, but even with having him in my life, I still cry at night. I will watch Netflix before to distract myself, ( a skill I leaned in DBT with my therapist), but I find myself thinking about what’s happened in my life and I’ll cry. Sometimes it’s quiet, sometimes I have to put a towel over my mouth to keep myself quiet because the crying is so intense. I miss how happy I used to be, particularly at the start of my relationship even though it was almost two years ago. I’ve resorted to taking shots of NyQuil every night so I fall asleep quicker, and thus don’t have to experience the intense feelings of sadness and urges to cry. Is this normal? Can anyone give me some clarity?

This isn’t an exaggeration either, there has never been a break from the crying at night. Even on Christmas and my birthday it was like this.