i feel like im always telling ppl that it will be okay. im the person anyone can run to and call up when they’re crying/depressed/anxious. im always there to tell them it will be okay. i put a lot of emphasis on “it will be okay” bc thats truly all i want to hear. i suffer in silence. basically my whole life. isolation is like a drug to me. seriously. but every once in awhile i’ll try to drop hints that im not okay. the ppl around me are so used to not hearing from me when im not okay. i just want someone to hold me and tell me it’s all going to be okay. can’t remember a time when someone has done that for me. i grew up without my parents bc they died when i really young. part of me just wants to crawl in my moms bed and cry to her. i know my dad would understand my stupidity. i miss them. i wish they could hold me one last time. i was raised by my grandfather. although i love him and he’s always tried his absolute best to understand. but he was also in the military for 20+ years (fought in Vietnam 3 times.) so you can only understand so much about a depressed child when you’ve seen as much as he has. he never understood why i am the way i am. he thinks im stupid. he’s always telling me to face reality. it makes me feel crazy. i miss my mom.