I Get somthing I think I want, then freak out I that I can't do it and lose everything with my self destructive behaviour. I end up reacting and losing even more by destroying relationships aswell as not being able to keep a job or staying in education. Since I can't keep a job I can't afford therapy so Im just stuck doing the same over and over. Rinse and repeat. I hurt people I care about and then they leave, I don't blame them, I don't blame my family for ignoring me when I ask for help. My behaviours and reactions to stuff have cost me everything. I feel like it's better if I just give up, lock myself away, I've no one in my life anyway, hopefully one day have the strength to just end it because I don't see how I get through all of this, I don't see how I get better, I'm all out of options. I've no one to turn too, and that's on me.