First of all I am far, far from actually being able to do that, and a large part of that is due to my...well, rather complicated and haven’t exactly analyzed in depth psychological reasons (haha), but I know for one that this thought, especially the more “real” it feels to me, the more I feel like retracting and escaping from it all. Something I’ve been doing for most things this year, well.

I was probably overdramatic by writing for good in all caps, but man, it’s truly like a fear phrase for me...or anything that implies the same notion.

I can’t let go. I can’t let go. I probably will eventually cuz that’s just life right? If I don’t die somehow before that.

Sadness, panic, depression, whatever, besides these emotions tho I mostly just can’t make complete sense of this concept.

Gosh there’s so much I’m not disclosing cuz I’m utterly ashamed of myself lmao.

But yeah, it’s gonna take a lot of effort and making changes to get there, I’m not fully confident that this would even be possible at all, since there’s a part of me that I’m afraid might be rather unchangeable,

Hey actually now I thought of it that could in fact change but the chance is noooooot high lol but hey maybe I should hang on to this thought and hope like I do about winning the lottery hehe.

But yeah I actually just wanted to say that I’m gonna try to remember what my therapist said! To take things little by little. I WILL get over them. It just seems impossible right now but progress could be made. Fuck breakups fuck relationships fuck my mental illnesses fuck people fuck me fuck life fuck circumstances fuck human nature BUT YEAH lmao. I shall get through this, as cliche and unlike me (self-important much haha i mean this whole post basically is so lmao wait actually my whole account my whole internet presence my whole existence hahaha) as it sounds, but hey lol.

Lol fuck OCD I hate how much I type. FUCK OCD.

Hey it’s r/BPD. I’m...back😬loov