i dont wanna be at the top of their priorities either, i just notice the people around me give me less and less time than their other friends and i feel a bit jealous. jealousy is a bad impulse but i cant help it. i have to wonder if its just me.  im a very anxious person, easily intimidated and often rreally awkward in groups. sometimes im really quiet and moody, other times im hyper and really manic, then regret making an ass out of myself when i calm down. i suck at keeping in touch with people, but i try hard to be punctual for others and give peoplee my time as they need it, but i feel like i get ignored a lot in response. like i can be taken for granted if anyone needs anythhing from me, but i cant do the ssame. 

lately ivee tried reaching out more but it feels like ive alienated everyone and i dont know what to do. i wanna be a better friend but it feels like ive irreperably ruined the friendships i had and i suck at making new friends. even if i meet new people i have this feeling ill mess that up too. im constantly lonely and i wanna fix things but i just cant. i dont wanna alienate everyone, and i know i have to fix something in me but i have no idea where to start..