Feeling unworthy of love, attention, support and care when I don’t look pretty (no makeup)

I was going to meet with a lawyer (who over the phone seems very dominant and alpha) today for the first time and I almost decided not to meet with him because I thought I looked bad. In my mind, he won’t want to support or care for me if I do not look attractive. Plus the fact that i am a woman of color (half black), I feel like I especially have to look my best to prevent racial bias and prejudice against me. Now that I put on makeup, I feel more confident in meeting with him and that he will more likely want to support me. In the past, I also felt I had to sexualize myself and flirt with men in order to receive their love, support, and care.

It’s sad I feel this way. It’s sad I feel love is so conditional. It was taught to me and I know where this comes from (covert sexual abuse and emotional incest from my dad), my dad treated me better when I looked attractive and also sexualized me. He even told me I needed to wear makeup. I also know society tends to sexualize women and value them more when they are more attractive.

But yeah, anyone else relate? How have you dealt with this issue?