i just really need to vent. my room has been a mess for months and i’ve been neglecting my schoolwork. i’m normally not like this.

i also have don’t have any friends whatsoever. no friends in school or outside of it. i sit by myself everyday at lunch.

 although there is this one girl who is in my drama class that speaks to me sometimes. she’s really nice but i don’t see a friendship coming out of it. 

we have nothing in common and all of our interactions feel forced. i appreciate her kindness though.

other than that, i go through the whole school day without speaking to anyone unless necessary. i just feel that i don’t fit in with anyone.

i moved to a new state two years ago and haven’t made any friends since. in the previous state that i lived in, i only had 3 friends but i can feel myself drifting apart from them.

i also got my first job recently and i thought it would be a good way to make friends. i guess i thought wrong. i don’t really fit in with the people there.

it’s hard coming to a new job when everyone else has been there for a while and has created a bond with each other while you’re the new person

since this is my first time ever working, i’m not that good at my job yet. i tend to mess up sometimes and when people give me instructions that aren’t crystal clear and concise, i don’t understand them.

there’s this one manager who’s pretty rude to me. she constantly talks about how slow i am and i can hear her talking and laughing about it with the other workers.

one time a customer made a request and i didn’t understand what they wanted and the customer said that i needed to stay in school. that manager heard the remark the the customer made and was laughing about it with the other co-workers.

one of the workers came up to me and said “you just gone let him talk to you like that?” i just shrugged my shoulders and didn’t say anything. i felt so humiliated and wanted to cry so bad.

i’ve never been good with standing up for myself. i let people walk all over me and let them treat me any kind of way. i wish i had a backbone.

i also have very low self-esteem. i believe that i’m hideous. my eyes are too far apart, i have eye bags, my nose is too big, and my teeth are messed up. and i know that people say to just be “confident” but it’s more than that.

i’ve never dated anyone and i don’t even remember the last time someone has had a crush on me. i’ve never had anyone try to get with me or anything. i’ve also had people call me ugly straight to my face.

i’m currently 16 years old and i’m
hoping that this point in my life where i’m ugly, insecure, shy, and spineless is just a phase.