I guess it's part of my imposter syndrome, or whatever. Sometimes I feel like my friends for really care about me, but lately it's been feeling more and more like that. I don't feel appreciated or loved by anyone more and more frequently these days. I feel like my friends are embarrassed by me or like I'm annoying them all the time. It sucks. I just want to feel like I matter to someone that isn't my daughter. I know she loves me. But I'm her hero, and she doesn't know better, lol.

I knew I should have stood home today. I woke up feeling bad. I wanted to stay home, but I went in to work. I have to. I can't afford not to. I just really didn't feel up to it. Not like not going in wouldn't leave me feeling like this. It's just I would have been able to be lazy about it at least. Fuck today. Fuck it all. I just want to be left alone. What's so wrong about curling up and doing nothing all day?! I just want to not exist for a little while.