Alright so first off, I smoke a lot of weed, drink and take sleeping pills. I know this isn't good, but its usually how I can cope with my situations and thoughts.

Thing is, I haven't been working much, cant be around people, so I'm out of money. Nothing to medicate and barely any food to eat, so I've been sober and hungry and worried and my thoughts are starting to flood in. I don't think I would ever go through with killing myself, but I've been thinking about it a lot and it's scaring me. I don't want to leave, I love the earth, but I'm getting to a point where I can't cope.

So I need help and I don't know what to do. I don't think this is a life or death thing right now, I'll probably cry for a while then pass out, but I don't know where to go besides emergency, and I don't want to do that because it took a month before I had an actual therapy session scheduled last time I went and when it came time I just couldn't leave my house. I need to actually see and talk to someone soon, not a month or two. 

Anyways, anyone know how I can get into DBT or some Canadian version of whatever treatment everyone seems to be in? I know very little about these things. Preferably somewhere I could get someone to talk to and figure this all out in less than a month, because I'm not good at waiting to do something. 

I'm sorry this is all vague, I don't really know how to describe things right now, I just don't want to hurt anymore and I'm scared it'll escalate further if I just keep waiting it out.

I really don't like asking for anything, I just don't know what to do now. Sorry for my shitty grammar I can't talk properly.

Edit: I've refreshed this a good 20 times when I know no ones on. 3AM where I'm at. Going to shut my phone off and maybe have a bath. I'm tired but I can't stop thinking. Going to feel embarrassed about this in the morning... Ugh.. I fucking hate BPD. Night everyone. 