Quarentine is really making me wanna jump off a cliff lmao.
I take things so much more personally now.
A friend doesn't respond? 
Must mean I'm not important enough.
Makes me think how unfixable I really am, and how much of a fucking burden I am.
People are not obliged to stay with somebody who is mentally ill if its damaging them as well.
And I'm damaging.
I've been told in different ways how damaging i am to people.
I'm manipulative. I'm toxic. I'm rude. I'm cold. I'm annoying. I'm everything you wouldnt want to put up with.
At eighteen and almost at my 80lb goal. Not that I fucking care. 
Don't have the energy to get up to check my weight anymore. Its no big deal.
Oh and in two hours ill probably be laughing at something online. Maybe ill think how great my life is.
Thats the thing though. 
The awareness.
Yeah, sure, things will be easier with me gone. Easier for me. People might mourn for a little bit but its whatever. People want me happy right? Might be the only way.
Can't really put up with these cycles anymore. Its too much. I'm always too much. I put too much effort into everything I do. I always have, and I always will. I know people don't put so much care, or, as we call it, "obsession" into me as I do them. I can't imagine how it feels to know someone mightve messaged me but not text them for hours. I'll stop anything and everything I'm doing to double check for messages. Its tiring. I hate it, and I can't stop. Makes me wish people cared as much about me as I did about them. Only makes my thoughts of being invisible and a waste of space. Even though that's how all normal people function. We're not normal. We don't function. We just survive. Im tired of it, really. Hate myself for it even though I know its not my fault. God this whole thing is worthless. Fuck you, fuck them, fuck me, fuck everyone. Thanks.