Hello everybody few days ago I posted abt how I take meds for anger issues and how they make me not recognize myself and that the doctor said she wanted to up my dose cuz I was still having problems, well when she upped my dose I decided to just stop taking them bcuz I was too scared. after not taking them I couldn’t control the anger and it was too much for me, one night I had a scene where I lashed out and couldn’t recognize myself and I was acting oddly strange and what I mean by that is I put on a black scary mask and recorded myself staring at the camera for abt 1 minute without blinking I looked so dead it was scary eventually I broke out of that and just went to sleep. next day I woke up instantly mad so what I did was smoke a joint and outta nowhere BOOM everything went downhill i was blinded by anger and was just crying so much everything started to feel pointless and then the thought of killing myself popped in my head and I thought that was the only way to end this. so what I did was go live on ig and told everybody I have 50 more minutes to live and then I’m going up the street to my house and killing myself my friends where in that live luckily. after I ended the live I started to walk to my house and the whole walk there I had no hesitation abt doing it, it stuck in my head it was my only mission I felt no emotion at all literally I had no emotion it sounds unreal but I really had none. I got to my house opened the door and my dad was right there he said hey let’s go on a walk so he took me on a walk and was trying to talk me out of it but nothing was changing my mind then we got back to the house and my friend showed up PERFECT timing I swear but he came right up to me and hugged me I didn’t hug him back I was still feeling emotionless he kept talking and talking then I started to cry for maybe 15 sec and then back to emotionless after he let go of me I said I’m gonna go do it. I walked into my room was going to grab my gun but it wasn’t there, so I grabbed my knife and said I’ll just use this and my dad took that right out of my hand. If they didn’t take those out of my room I’d be gone rn its scary to thing it’s literally traumatizing. My friend sat me down and just kept talking to me then my emotions came back and  I just felt regret like why was I going to do that I’d never do that. What I’m looking for is answers why did this happened it doesn’t make since to me I stopped taking the meds cuz they made me feel like that but how did I lose completely everything without taking them?