…and while you may no longer need to uphold those rules, it has spilled into your adult life in strange ways. 

While I was driving today, I observed some cars breaking standard driving rules and felt the urge to mentally call them out on it. It was a simple incident (not merging properly and then weaving around a slower car) but my mind was so ready to focus on it and I just managed to stop myself from spiraling into a “reasons why that was the incorrect way to drive” monologue that would’ve left me feeling more anxious during my drive. 

I was able to stop myself, and that’s what counts. I told myself, “Ah, but it worked out. No one hit anyone and no one got hurt.” And that was enough to allow me to breath and avoid inducing anxiety. 

But this kind of thing happens in different situations in my life. Witnessing a pedestrian jaywalk; someone at work leaving the bathroom light on when there is a sign next to the switch that says “turn off the light when you’re finished.”; or even with me as the subject, like thinking I have to stand on one side of the escalator (because that is the cultural norm I learned about) and then seeing that the local people very loosely observe their own rule and it’s perfectly acceptable. 

These small things trip me up every time and are super frustrating because I just want to exist lol… but some part of my brain thinks I’m being carefully watched and will get in trouble. And worse case scenario, I sometimes project that onto the people around me. 

Thankfully, I am rarely someone who verbally calls out these things. I keep them to myself unless I’m 1000% stressed out and around people I know well. But I do wish I could clearly convince my inner child to chill out about “following the rules.”