I feel sick. I'm everything I never wanted to be. I've used drugs to get through multiple traumas, I've lied to family and friends, cheated on my partner, stolen from family. I'm legitimately a mess. I feel I've become just like my abusers and I'm so lost as to what to do. I'm not the person I'm behaving like, I know I'm kind, that I wouldn't want to hurt anyone yet I'm behaving so destructively and I can't seem to stop it. I have been diagnosed with ptsd and bpd  had therapy and medication for years and nothing's changing.