The last year I have been in and out of therapy, searching for a diagnosis. About a month ago I finally found out that I have BPD. In the last few months I have also been trying a concoction of medication.

The problem is I am struggling to focus or find motivation to do my school work. I am in the pit of a downward spiral: binge drinking most nights and neglecting homework responsibilities. My senior research is complete and everything else seems meaningless, I’m just so exhausted with the feeling of CONSTANTLY working (meds, DBT, school, relationships)

Is this my BPD tendencies, is this my medication? 

I feel like I have to fail classes in order to overcome my fear of failure but that also just sounds like self sabotage. 

I just need to feel motivated and productive again. But I just don’t care about anything, I just want to stop existing until after graduation.