I've had a bit of a hiccup night. One where I got really emotional over things that were said. Things like "you haven't changed" and "you're still very limiting".

I've been fighting tooth and nail against this stupid disorder (of which I've only been told I have to the lease extent - issues), but nothing I do seems to ever be enough. I am so, so tired and want to give up sometimes but I can't because of my kid, and because I always end up thinking of what it would do to those left behind.

My eyes are stinging from all my crying. I feel so hopeless, and alone. I try to be there for everyone else, and I know I can turn to some people but then I end up feeling like a burden. I can't even turn to my partner because they say things like the above, or that they always hear me griping about things pertaining to their family. But I don't really have anyone else to confide in. I do what I can to support everything they do, but I end up feeling like nothing I do is enough, and like they won't ever truly be there to be my rock.

I know I wasn't the best partner at the beginning of our relationship, but punishing me for the past when I'm trying to do better and not repeat my mistakes cuts deep. I can't keep getting stuck in the past, or I'll never get better. I'm just so tired of the conflict and stress in my life. It isn't sustainable. 