I've never posted here before, but I've been diagnosed with mild BPD for almost a year now. I'm 23 and I say mild because I know how to conceal emotions to only fester inside me - meaning I don't lash out and make a scene in public because I know that's just not what you do. I've had outbursts online and such, and get emotional spells where my other senses get blocked out by the intense emotion.

Mentions of self-harm and suicidal thoughts below!

Anyway, today I was fired. I worked at a day care and it was my first major mistake; I left a kid unattended in the bathroom for 2 minutes (the rest of the class was outside while she was inside). I explained to my director that there is no excuse, and that I simply made an honest mistake and I realized it was not okay to do. Apparently there aren't any warnings given at all because I was fired on the spot. I burst into tears and drove home without a seatbelt, dug my keys into my arm to get out the anger, and had a thought in the back of my mind that jumping off a bridge I passed would be an "okay" thing to do (usually I'm scared of my suicidal thoughts but I was strangely numb to it today).

I didn't get to say goodbye to the kids, I really was in the middle on the job but I was starting to get used to it and did like the kids a lot. It's been a rough day; I've cried, had "emotion attacks," as I call them, left and right - and hurt myself, too. 

I'm just sort of getting this off my chest here. I'm really still upset and I keep thinking of kids I liked and how I'm not going to see them again and they won't know why I'm suddenly gone.