i’m not sure what flair works for what i’m going to type but yeah, thanks for listening 

so like back in october 2019 i got diagnosed with BPD and depression, and well i got on meds and what not, and then my exams started so i couldn’t really get refills because i had to go to the doctor and then covid happened so now i’m stuck. 

i was supposed to get therapy and never got it because my therapist (i was supposed to make an appointment) never picked up the phone... i’ve never felt so lost and alone. 

when i finally thought that something positive is going to happen it didn’t.. it’s hard to explain, my emotions are ugh annoying, i’m happy at times and then extremely low.

i try so hard to stay clean, it’s been almost 2 months since i’ve like yano not harmed myself, but i constantly, constantly. keep thinking about um ending it, and i cant push the thoughts away, idk why.. i’ve distanced myself from everyone because i don’t really think anyone understands and i’m not even sure who or what i am anymore

i feel so out of place, i went from being an A grader to a failure, my brain just doesn’t wanna work anymore, my anger burst outs don’t help either, idk what to do anymore, honestly i don’t even see a future for myself anymore, i’m not even sure if i’ll be here in the next 5 years, i’m sorry if this is confusing, but i’m so sick of going through the same thoughts on a daily basis, i just want someone to understand me and be there for me, even when people say they are, are they really there for you? i’m not even sure about that :/

i try to be a better person but i just feel like crap and just stay in bed all day and do nothing, my parents deserved better

i’m not even sure about my brain, a part of my head constantly hurts everyday and makes it so uncomfortable for me to go through a day i just ugh idk 

anyway thank you for listening ig, take care, please stay safe ily ❤️