Hi there. Glad I found this community. I’ve always been a big time lurker and this is the first time posting so somehow this makes me nervous as fuck. I’ve always enjoyed lurking w/ no account.

I was thinking, if there’s people with bpd that also suffer from relationship ocd. I’m single now, so I have no symptoms of it, but I’ve been in 3 relationships (not to mention the numerous times I’ve been just seeing someone, but it never turned into a relationship bc of this) and everytime I get somewhat relaxed with the guy, I start getting ocd thoughts of him. It ruins the relationship and basically my life. Even if I was head heels in love with the guy, I end up losing interest. It starts with me oversharing all of my childhood traumas and all of my past mistakes. Sharing the thoughts make me feel good for a while, it’s almost like a drug because after that I feel completely fine, safe, and able to let him close to me again. But the problem is, I might get a new thought in just a few minutes and I’m back to feeling like shit. When I run out of things to tell, my mind starts making shit up. I have to tell basically every bad thought I get — for example I start getting ”feelings” towards the best friend of my s/o - once even the stepfather of my s/o (which I know isn’t true, I’m just obsessing over the thought of it being a taboo and it’s just my ocd telling me that - but obviously I cant help it) and then I have to share that with them too, otherwise I feel fucking horrible.. and that, of course isn’t easy news to my s/o. 
This affects my sex life A LOT. Even when I’m single. I can’t enjoy sex without feelings - but when I have feelings for someone I always get ocd thoughts eventually. It’s a cycle.
I feel bad that my longest relationships feels like a lie. The good start only lasts a few months max, then I start thinking of breaking up w/ them.

If you have suffered this AND bpd, is there any hope in ever having a good, safe relationship? I’ve been single for many years now and every time I get a crush on someone and they show interest too, I back off because of this. I can’t fuck myself up anymore and I don’t want to hurt anyone anymore. 
I’m sorry my thoughts are a mess thinking about this so this post is probably a mess too