I want to have friends, relationships, spend time with people, do fun hobbies, but my depression makes me unable to. I'm not suicidal, quite the opposite, i have an oddly great amount of optimism for my future, but I never seem to be able to initiate the steps to make my desires a reality. I'm so tired of feeling ill everyday, forcing myself to do the most basic tasks that pain me. Theres so much to life that i want to experience but it feels like theres a brick wall blocking me from it.