I'll post this here because I have no idea if this is related to my BPD but at the moment that's what's influencing most of my life.

I've had intrusive thoughts again, specially showering. Yesterday I wanted to self-harm so I grabbed the plastic thing from the razor and started to rub it to my stomach, so at least I didn't get hurt. Actually, it was fun. My mind was forcing me to do something repetitive, I shaved my legs, my armpits and my pubes but that wasn't enough. I tried to comb my hair, not enough. So that's why I did it.
I realized it wasn't about hurting myself at all, but still I can't understand why my mind was forcing me to do it.

I was smiling the whole time, I felt calm. I was able to control myself but what if next time I'm not?