Recently I’ve had some of the worst symptoms of BPD in years after an unfortunate situation with an FP. It also coincided with my return to therapy to work on childhood issues and my near constant dissociation. But with all this going on, I began to feel deeply depressed and overwhelmed for the first time in years. It got really dark. 

And then one day I woke up and told myself “it’s fine.” Every time I’m tempted to dwell on things, I suppress it. I tell myself nothing is wrong with me, I’m not mentally ill. It’s behind me now and I can be “normal” again. I’ve been telling myself that for a few days now. And things feel “fine.” 

I don’t feel angry with my parents for being shitty, I’m not upset at myself for becoming too attached to my FP. My mood swings have evened. I’m back to my self care/hygiene/cleaning routine. I cancelled an upcoming appointment with a mental health professional. 


I feel as though I have closed the book on all my trauma and sadness, and I have no intention of reopening it again. It’s back on the shelf in the corner of my mind. I’m thinking it’s time to stop therapy too, because I don’t want to talk about anything anymore. 

Am I in denial? Is this a valid coping mechanism? Suppressing everything? Surely achieving mental stability can’t be as easy as just willing it?