TW: Mention of attempt at suicide

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Good day to all. I hope you're all doing well. I also hope I did the trigger warning right, I don't do this stuff often. I am 30F. I was diagnosed with depression at 16, but as an adult I thought "all 16 year old girls have to be depressed". I still find that to be somewhat true. At 18 I attempted suicide. I'm not sure how much I really meant it back then, but I think I am lucky. I am not sure if it is appropriate to share what I did, so I won't for now.

I met my partner a few months after that attempt right before I turned 19, and just this November, he broke up with me after 11.5 years. I put myself in my local crisis unit for alcohol dependency and also what I assumed to be depression. I'm 57 days sober!

I got prescribed Wellbutrin and I've been on it for over a month. I don't think it is helping. A thought like this hasn't happened since the summer when I was drinking a lot: Yesterday, I was talking to my roommate (18F) and trying to instill positivity in her too, because she also suffers from mental illness, when all of a sudden I hear the hypocrisy in what I'm saying and a very fleeting thought of "why am I even bothering with this? I'm never going to make it any further than I am now" kind of stuff went through my head. For the past few weeks I've been pretty good at speaking positivity into myself, but yesterday it just popped up on me and it was scary. I shared that feeling with my roommate, to which she responds "I think those thoughts are pretty normal". I am inclined to disagree. I understand we may all have had to deal with these thoughts, but do you think they are normal?

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Thanks for reading and I wish you all inner peace and love. &lt;3