if I want to play a game, either one I've played before or a new one, I can't. I get a thump seize in my chest at the thought of it. I get lightheaded which makes me want to lay down and if I keep at it I start to feel physically sick

Same for if I want to draw something, or read a book, or watch a movie either by myself or with friends

I cant sit down to learn something new. 

I've tried to think about why this happens...maybe I'm anxious because "playing a game wastes time. You could be doing something productive. Watching a movie and reading a book isn't productive. Of you're learning something new it has to be for something important that can get you a job. If you're drawing it has to be something you can sell"

But its like
how do I get out of that. it's not an active thought, but it definitely sounds like the kind of thing my anxiety would stem from

I've tried candles, tea (caffeine has opposite affect bc I have adhd), taking a walk, eating, drinking (water or flavored carbonated water), taking breaks, breathing exercises

nothing works, or if it works it's only for a handful of minutes 

Does anyone have this? what do you do? 
I'm on medication btw for adhd, anxiety, and other things. And it helps a lot with the general anxiety but idk if it can ever help me with anxiety over things I want to do

bc it feels like it's all tied to money. Or maybe excitement and pressure for the creative activities or learning to be good and worthwhile. Nothing can just be for fun :/