I've been doing pretty good on 1.5mg of Vraylar and managed to go nearly a month without smoking weed. Last week I had some amazing sober and vanilla sex with a newish hook-up. We tried to recreate the magic last night after a smoke session and it was so awkward. I felt extremely self conscious and my head was spinning. I could feel my head nodding off and the cotton mouth was awful. I wasn't in control of my facial expressions. We both had to stop because we knew we couldn't finish. Less than 5 minutes after we stopped he left my place and I feel humiliated. 

I don't understand why I'm so good at self-sabotaging when I'm doing well. I always end up embarrassing myself and then feeling like I have to throw the whole thing away because I don't feel like I could face him again. Maybe I'm overthinking it. I wish my brain would work better.