 I find it really hard to express myself sometimes because I'm scared to talk about my emotions because then it becomes something that's really hard for me to control. 
I get this feeling in the pit of my stomach sometimes and it just won't go away. 

For example, I know that you're jealous. You've told me this so I actively tell you who I talk to and don't hide anything from you to make it so that your jealousy is never a factor of anything (and if it is, I'd want you to tell me). You know who my friends are, you know everything and everyone I talk to, and if you want to know anything you don't already know, I'll tell you.

I saw a picture of a girl on the cover of your "viber pictures" album today when you were showing me the price of that nice coffee for the caffettiera. I haven't looked at anything since that last time we had this discussion after I snooped on your Skype (I'm still sorry and haven't done it since). After seeing how you spoke to that girl, I didn't think the things you were sending her were entirely appropriate since you have a girlfriend. I'm aware that the culture is a little different where you're from but I had no idea sending kiss emoticons to friends of the opposite sex was normal, because I certainly haven't done that whilst in a relationship with someone else before. 

I'm not saying you're hiding anything and I'm not saying I want you to stop talking to anyone, that's the last thing I want. I just want to feel like you're not hiding anything from me. When I asked the other week about who you were texting on viber, I would have stopped being a paranoid wreck had you have just said "Oh, I'm talking to my friend -insert name here-" like you normally do, the feeling in my gut would have gone away and I would've stopped worrying. You hid your screen from me instead (at least that's what it looked like, and I'm sorry if that's not the case but it seemed that way when I was sitting next to you whilst you texted her all night) which just made that feeling so much worse.
I'm not asking to know what you're saying but I'm asking for your honesty to help me. I tell you/show you everything. 

I fucking hate being like this and all I want is to be the best girlfriend you could ever have who will look after you and do anything and everything she can for you. I know I'm not perfect, I know I piss you off sometimes and I'm so sorry. I want to be the best I can be for you. I just need your help. 

I'm sorry that I don't believe in myself and I'm sorry I don't feel good enough for you. But I love you. I hope you don't hate me for this. 

I probably won't have the guts to even send this text. Maybe I need to save it and send it later. I'm laying next to you in bed and I can't sleep because these thoughts are racing through my head and I'm so scared to tell you because I'm scared you'll get upset and leave me. That's not what I want. I'm sorry. 


*I didn't have the guts to send this so I'm just getting it out in the air. Probably makes me look like a crazy bitch. I'm trying so hard not to be.*