To start off I am 21 years old and will turn 22 in some months.

I am not from the USA but I in the year 2019 I graduated from something which would be equivalent to graduating from High School with good enough SAT scores to be able to study at a university.

I never knew and still don't know what I should do with my life, I was pretty okay in school even though I rarely did something for school.

Also around one year before graduating from High School my mothers began to show that she is mentally ill, I assumed that she had tendencies to be mentally ill but I think it was around the year 2017-2018 she got really ill and survived a suicide attempt.

I think I might suffer from PTSD since I always have extremely horrible dreams involving my mother and also thoughts of me for example cutting chicken and it reminding me of cutting human flesh and then getting a panic attack.

In retrospect to other people I think I appeared to keep on living normally and I think its a miracle how I managed to graduate from High School with slightly above average scores.

Now after graduating I didn't know what I should do in my life, I tried to work in a shop for a while to not be at home all the time (my fathers idea) but I was fired one day in.

So in 2020 I "started" to study economy at a university and around the time my classes started, my mothers mental health started declining where she had what I assume to be an extreme psychosis.

My family is really old fashioned and close minded so me coming from a religious family they thought its a devil possession which me talk to a wall every day for months on end.

After months and months of stress all the time she finally went to a mental hospital some months ago and she is getting better but I did absolutely NOTHING for myself this past year.

I didn't attend ANY classes and can cancel studying at universiy because I again wasted another year for nothing.

I don't know what I should do, I only know how my friends are almost in their third year at university and I am here lost in my life with all this anxiety and my father even calling my future something like "fucked" which extremely destroyed me.