I'm trying the self help route as in the UK it's really hard to get help for BPD. I was diagnosed at 17, moved away at 19 to a different area of the country. At 17 I was told there was no cure and no treatment, that I'll likely become an abusive person so nowhere will touch me. And since moving to a different place it's exactly the same. I also have diagnoses of PTSD and OCD, which I also cannot get help for because of my BPD. I am not allowed to use the crisis team (they will hang up on me and tell me not to call again) or attend A&amp;E when suicidal (I have been hundreds of times and am just sent home every time without being looked at, even after taking overdoses where I needed a physical check). Basically even though it goes against the NICE guidelines they are allowed to deny me treatment for anything based on having BPD, again since we're all untreatable abusive monsters (was called this by a psychiatrist). Put in several complaints and they all come back with "BPD is untreatable so they are right to deny you". But whenever I have had therapy, it's helped (then I get accused of pretending to have BPD, since if I really had BPD I wouldn't be improving). 

Self-help is all I have, but what I really struggle with is that it's all really obvious. Like I know what I'm meant to do and think etc, but when I'm in a really bad place, I can't see it. Like I was reading activity about reframing your thoughts, which is great and makes logical sense, but I cannot remember to do it when I'm mid-breakdown. I get so overwhelmed I feel like I can't breathe and I can't think straight, it's like everything becomes blurry, so how am  I meant to use the strategies if I can't think about anything? How do I "reframe my thoughts" when I can't even figure out my thoughts because of how intense the feelings are?

I don't know how to explain it very well, sorry. I've always found that DBT, CBT etc is obvious but they're missing a huge step in how to actually implement them. Like it's about WHAT to do but not HOW to do it. I got kicked out of therapy a few years ago for asking how to remember to implement a strategy, they said I was resisting treatment and trying to be difficult. But I genuinely don't know how to do it when I'm in the middle of a breakdown. I can't think about anything when I'm in a breakdown, the emotions are so intense inside of me that it feels like I'm going to throw up. I can't even make sense of what I'm feeling half the time, it's just very intense. So while I can do all the activities and come up with answers when I'm not having a breakdown, I can't use them while I'm in it at all because I can't remember or I'm too overwhelmed to understand what to do.