I've been struggling for so many years but I've never felt so hopeless. I just sat in my closet at 4am spilling my guts to a stranger because I have nobody else. Everyone has left me. Maybe I should have stayed with my abusive ex. He was an alcoholic and I hated being touched by him but at least he wanted me.

I realized the other day that noone has ever even given me flowers. Nobody has ever thought I was worth a $8 bouquet from the supermarket. Everyone just takes from me. They take my body or my sympathy and when they've had their fill they throw me away. I am so lonely. I just want this all to be over. I told the girl on the hotline I wouldn't do it. I'll keep that promise for tonight at least. Hopefully tomorrow is better, but I doubt it.