I identify myself as an aim addict. I practice my aiming proficiency in aim trainers everyday for the past 2 years and without it i just cannot feel alive. Its almost like a drug, if i dont indulge in it, it drives me crazy, my mind starts to forget about everything and i start thinking only about my aim until i assure to myself that it isn't deteriorating.

This all started ever since a person came into my life and used to be on my side when everyone else made me feel like a loser. I didn't have any redeeming qualities about myself and that made me feel inferior to everyone else around me. My cousins were talented at video games, my classmates were talented in academic studies, my siblings were talented in drawing and academic studies, but me, i had nothing.

The person that came into my life told me something profound. He told me that he also used to be the loser that everyone looked down upon, even his parents. 

The reason why that was profound to me was because he was one of the most skilled players i have ever met in counter strike, a game where top players can make a living off of playing the game, through tournaments and such. 

I wanted to be like him, I no longer cared about what people thought about me, i wanted to become one of the best aimers in the world and be recognized as that, even if it costs me my soul.

He ended up killing himself. The only person who believed in me and my will power killed himself. Thats when I made it my life mission to prove that his belief in me wouldn't just be in vain. 

My drive for improvement was so intense, i used to train for 12 hours a day for almost 2 weeks, completely ignoring everything else in my life.

But no matter how much i improved in the trainer, no matter how much time i put in (10,000 hours+) i felt like it didn't matter. I felt like all the effort i have put in was nothing more than waste of time.

Thats when despair hit me, the feeling of worthlessness caused a feeling of emptiness so deep nothing could cheer me up. Nothing could make me happy. It made me feel like i can literally win the lottery and i would still be miserable. It was worthless to me. Without my ability to aim, without the aim proficiency i always dreamed of getting, nothing could make me feel alive.