I was feeling miserable and triggered and suicidal. My PTSD is getting really bad and my ED is getting bad too. This situation triggered my BPD really badly as well....   
i feel like a problem not a person.  


He knew all of what I am going through and how i was feeling, once we video chatted it was obvious that I felt like I was better off not being here, and i was clear that I just needed him to come over for support... Sometimes that isn't unreasonable in a crisis to want your loved ones there for you idk? Is that irrational.  


he called the cops on me instead and said i violated his boundaries. I specifically didn't say I was "at risk" at first because i didn't want to come off as crazy or attention seeking... but eventually he made me be honest and I said i was really wanting to die and he was going to come over but then he misread something i said about a gun cabinet thinking I was trying to find a firearm- NO. that isn't what I said at all. I was referring to something completely different and it's locked anyway and we don't have guns in there. Now him and his whole family has shunned me and has uninvited me for thanksgiving. I am a problem not a person. He called the cops instead of just coming over to comfort me like i asked, and he could see how upset he was when we video chatted. I told him that i just didn't needed him here right now because people would be better off without me, nd that i just needed love. But then he never came over... And i got really upset - and angry and he just dismissed it... like his daily tasks are more important than my feelings... I was dying on the inside and still am. Check the facts. I woke up vomiting clear liquids and bile constantly, couldn't walk. Couldn't even hold down water. My head hurts and im all shaky. I again needed someone to help me, but he is done with me i think just because i got upset and he had more important things to do. Also my weight is too low for one of the residential places... so my therapist found somewhere else that has current availability. So i may be going very soon. I'm a mess. Why did he desert me like that - i was mad that he called the cops and i was mad that he said "im not going to talk to you anymore because I love you but this is too much I need to focus on my life and not you" I WAS REALLY going through it and then his mother fucking uninvited me from thanksgiving like mad ouch... and then he hung up and that was it.  


he knew i was unsafe and he won't answer me. At all. They uninvited me from thanksgiving, just because im a mess doesn't mean i'm a freak show. He always said i deserve love and affection no matter what. But he thought calling the cops was keeping me safe with minimal effort. Idk if he thinks i was trying to manipulate him or what, but i was just honest and he even said that honesty isn't attention seeking. I just freaked out because he called the cops and all i wanted was for him to be there and the more he didn't do anything the worse I got and i had a very scary reaction and he said "his needs are more important right now and i just can't be at your house" He also called my psychiatrist WITHOUT my permission (no idea how he even got his phone number...) instead of talking to me. Idk if his mom is saying he shouldn't talk to me anymore but i'm confused and so hurt... He also said i was just too much rn - so im just gonna leave and not talk to you for a bit sorry i just can't... Meanwhile someone whom he loved and cared about was so visibly distressed and sad. If someone i knew even a friend, was like that, I would drive like 4 hrs to get to them that night.. What did i do wrong? Just talk to me like a mature human i am calmer now. He just has ghosted me... He did say that he loved me i think but we kind of talked about breaking up i was VERY angry after he called the cops... But nothing was official. I apologized later.

What should I do. He gave me no explanation. Are we done? Am I just doomed - why won't he talk to me? I felt so invalidated and nobody cared. I disabled all of my social media and am debating changing my phone number.