So I’m a frequent reader of wattpad (lol I’m still 12 years old on the inside) and I was reading this story where the main guy was madly in love with the main female protagonist. This was 2am last night and I just burst out in tears because I began thinking I’ll never find something like this in my life. 

I know wattpad is completely fictional and I’m still young and haven’t had a lot of life experiences (basically none) so what I’m feeling is stupid. 

I have a whole slew of mental health problems as well as being obese, and I just feel that guys can’t see past an ugly face. My friends tend to end up looking like models and they get hit on frequently while we’re out in public. I’m always stuck on the side being obviously ignored 100% of the time, I know I shouldn’t rely on others to dictate how I view myself but after being looked at with disgust so often...it really lowers a girls self-esteem.

I’m also terrified of any type of affection, especially physical affection, so I’m just not someone that should be in a relationship. It’s not something I think about often since boys are so far from my mind most of the time, but sometimes the feels just hits me like bullet train. 

I also get anxiety attacks weekly so that’s great. I just wanna be happy by myself and not be upset I don’t have a boyfriend. I need to be able to love myself before finding someone (if anyone even wants me) and I don’t see that happening any time soon.