It’s not like I can control how I feel. I try my hardest to get out of bed in the mornings. The feeling of dread gets so suffocating all I want to do is curl up into a ball and die. It takes every ounce of energy in me to get up at a “reasonable” time. My depression has gotten so bad to the point I barely shower or take care of my hair. I know that’s bad, But I’m trying my hardest to work on it. 

Instead of my family helping me they put me down. They love to talk shit behind my back. Especially my siblings.   Sometimes they’ll come right out and say it. My parents constantly tell me they’re ashamed of me. In fact the other day I found out my mom’s friend of almost 20 years just found out she had a daughter (me). My god the look of shock on her face. For the past 18 years my mom has never mentioned me once to her friend. She said she has 3 kids instead of 4. I can’t even begin to process this. I didn’t even ask to be born. she could’ve got an abortion if she didn’t want me. 

I’ve been nothing but nice to my family despite them treating me like dirt. My older brother blames his drug addiction and mental illnesses on me because I don’t leave my room and I’m not “normal”. Well newsflash I probably would’ve turned out fine if they’ve showed an ounce of respect. I take care of my disabled little brother because they don’t want to spend time with him. They could at least show some gratitude. Legally I can leave, But I’m afraid of what will happen to my little brother since my family doesn’t seem to give a rats ass about him. He’s the only reason I’m sticking around.