**Average reading time, approx. 13 minutes.**

Lately I have not been emotionally and physically well. Right now I am going through a very rough time.

But Friday night I had a dream about my therapist, nothing inappropriate but something that rather made me feel a bit hopeful.

It was one of those rare dreams that I can remember so vividly with all of the details intact.

I decided to share the dream as I think that it might help others that are also going through a rough time.

**Although the dream started out much simpler I decided to rewrite this into a creative writing exercise loosely basing it on the original dream to distract myself from my negative feelings.**  **I found it to be very effective and mentally stimulating While also giving me something to be proud of.**

It is a bit long, but I encourage everybody that has made it to this point in the post to read it.

(Please ignore the grammar and punctuation mistakes, English was not my strongest subject in school).

**It is written from the perspective of me to my very insightful therapist.**

*Here it goes;*

I found you and I standing next to a small stream, the same stream that used to be where I lived a year ago, but this time it was different. It had a few green tinted stepping stones leading to the other side.

Patiently waiting across the stream, you told me if I wanted to have our appointment that I needed to follow you, that you would guide me to a specific destination and only if I make it will we have our appointment.

Eager for my appointment I steadily made my way across, easily holding my balance while avoiding the moss covered stones. However I found the last stone particularly difficult to cross, covered in an excessive amount of moss I could not hold my balance to finish crossing and I fell into the stream. Once again I tried and failed. I repeated this two more times and getting frustrated I decided to take a step back and take a moment to breathe.

I stared at the stones angrily. A small fish glimmering with golden scales that had a feint glow to it gently swam through the water, catching my gaze I follow it with my eyes as it slowly made its way downstream. I noticed the stream thinned as it extended onward. Following the stream for a few minutes I came to a point where I could easily jump over the stream with a single leap.

Once on the other side I found myself confused as you were nowhere in sight.

But then I heard a voice from the top of a very steep hill with a single narrow entrance. It lead into a familiar rich green forest like that of the one I spent many days exploring from the years I resided at my childhood home. "come along" You exclaimed rather sharply. and so I began to climb the hill.

Laden with fist sized rocks It was difficult to hold my footing. I Stumbled repeatedly at the tumbling of the rocks as I pressed my foot against them.

I tried attacking the hill from various points of entry.

I also tried different positions and even tried climbing on all fours.

Lastly I tried to get a running start and run up the hill as fast as I can.

But every time I failed and I found it too difficult to prevent myself from sliding back down.

I called out to you, as you stood on top of the hill "how can I climb this hill when I find it impossible to hold my footing!"

You gave no response in return.

But instead slowly spun around in a circle. After you rotated a full 360° you pointed at me. I found this very odd and didn't understand what you we're trying to convey.

"Has she gone mad" I muttered to myself.

Once more you spun around in a circle and pointed at me.

Taking a moment to consider what it meant I thought to myself maybe you were trying to get me to do the same.

And so I spun around in a circle.. I made it about 60° turning clockwise when I spotted a long rope neatly spooled into a pile.

Realizing I could use the rope to guide myself up the mountain I fetched the rope and looked around for something I could latch it onto.

All the way at the very top of the hill was a narrow tree split in half horizontally. from what I could tell It was still freshly severed and alive. It was yet to show signs of decay.

I tied the rope into a noose, and launched it as far as I could up the hill towards the tree. I found that the rope did not weigh enough to make it up the entirety of the hill.

I thought it would be a good idea to tie a rock around the end of the rope just before the noose as a weight to guide it further, and so I did.

I grabbed the rope about halfway down and spun in a circle making a full 360° rotation and once again launching the rope as hard as I could at the broken tree.

The rope flung high and far, but my accuracy was off by just a few feet to the left.

Trying again, I failed flinging the rope too far.

But now I was determined, I set my eyes sharply on the tree, brought the rope up to my chest took a deep breath and spun around making sure to hold the rope steady and straight. Just as the tree came into view I let go. The rope once again flung far and high I saw as it was off track just a bit too far to the right, "It's going to miss I thought in an instant" 
With barely any time to process the moment I tugged hard to the left on the rope. The noose end of the rope followed left and landed on the tree sliding down to the base above the roots. 
 
"Gotchya" I enthusiastically yelled.

I took a few tugs on the rope and it felt stable so I began the trek up the hill. left, right, left, right, I marched my feet up the hill while grasping the rope firmly.

When I finally reached the top, I was panting and gasping for air.
I was greeted by a familiar smile which I triumphantly returned.

Just ahead in a small clearing stood an open doorway. I could not see beyond the many swirling bright purple and yellow colors that distorted the view of the other side. 

You asked me to step in despite the uncertainty of what lies ahead. While I trusted you I could not find myself to blindly walk through. I wondered what was on the other side, I wondered if even just touching the portal could kill me having never seen something like this It could be foolish to be reckless.

"How could I find out what's on the other side without going through?" I thought to myself.

An idea struck me.

back tracking a few feet to where the rope still hung on the split tree.
I retrieved the rope and brought it back to the portal.
I looked around for a long narrow stick and after spotting one I picked it up, stuck it in the ground, and took my cell phone out of my pocket. I began recording a video and tied my phone to the end of the stick using the rope with the camera facing outwards.

I removed the stick from the ground and stuck the end holding my cell phone through the portal as far as I can. I rotated the stick on a 360° axis while also stepping far to the left and far to the right of the portal as to angle the camera to observe as many angles on the other side as possible.

After I felt the camera picked up all I could manage to film I removed the stick from the portal and retrieved my phone.

I was relieved to see that the phone was still intact And I examined the phone to make sure there wasn't any toxins or residue encasing it that could potentially cause me harm. I found none so I began reviewing the footage I took.

The video showed that just on the other side of the portal was a very narrow ledge. Below the ledge was nearly unimaginably black revealing a never-ending void. It terrified me similar to the feeling of thalassophobia.

Above the sky was dark, but I could see what resembled the famous slithers of the Aurora Borealis, providing a green and blue hue that dimly radiated light illuminating this mystical realm.

Looking on nearly straight ahead I could see through the screen of the phone showing you standing on the farthest of seven identical gray pillars.

"How are you-" I glanced to my right where you once stood to find you where no longer in sight.

Holding my breath I stepped into the portal.

Once on the other side I Suddenly felt a wave of vertigo and almost lost my balance, I barely managed to hold my composure and I felt a surge of adrenaline coursing throughout my body.

Then somehow as if you were standing next to me, I heard your voice telling me to let go of all my fears claiming I will be able to cross each pillar with ease if I can do this.

"Let go my fears how does one simply let go of their fears?" I whispered to myself.

"Don't think about it just do it".

Heart pounding I took a deep breath and while quickly blocking all my thoughts from entering the forefront of my mind, I impulsively jumped.

As I made my way across to the first pillar, I felt lighter on my feet and I glided through the air effortlessly jumping to the next, I repeated this five more times realizing with each crossing I became less fearful of my actions.

Making it to the last pillar, I looked ahead and found you floating about fifty feet forward from me.

In the air, like an illusionist rivaling even the greats such as David Copperfield you appeared to be standing on nothing. 

"Do my eyes deceive me? Am I now going mad as well?" Crossed my mind.

You shouted at me to jump and I responded "No, I will fall into the endless void! Do you want me to die?" 

You said to me to trust you, and that everything will be okay.

"She really has gone mad" I said to myself.

Pushing my faith in you to the limits I hesitated I'm considering whether I should trust you, then upon hearing a loud rumble coming from behind me I glanced back to see the previous pillars I have crossed were crumbling one by one and falling into the void.

Finding no reason based on past interaction with you that you would let me die after all this, I leaped As hard as I could in the air towards you.

I barely made it four feet ahead and I dropped straight downwards. **Fast.** Falling to the void with ever increasing speed I descended so rapidly I felt my stomach rise to my chest like my first and only time on a roller coaster many years ago.

"How could you betray me like this!"
"I was such a fool for trusting you." 

Faster, faster, and faster with no signs of slowing I cried out the sounds only one facing certain doom could make.

Then I saw it, something small and blue growing ever larger beneath my feet.

A wave of terror washed over me as I realized it was a small platform made of stone.

Bracing for impact and certain death I closed my eyes preparing to finally, almost eagerly get the answer to humanities most coveted question 'is there life after death?'

Another 30 seconds bridie impact, 20, 15, 10, - I began to slow. I could feel my organs return to their natural positions.

Opening my eyes and looking down I saw you standing on a small platform next to a large fish which floated in the air about five feet off the ground. behind the both of you was a carved out stone entrance into the massive wall which laid before us.

The frame of the stone entrance was lined with silver streaks complimenting two blue torches one on either side of the entrance. They sufficiently lit the platform on which she stood but It was still too dark inside for me to make out any details.

Finishing my slow descent my feet firmly touched the stone floor.

I suffered another wave of extreme vertigo despite landing on the ground, I felt like I was still falling downwards. 
I found it hard to keep upright and I lost my balance crashing to the ground.

Staring at the ground trying to collect my senses, I heard you say "You trusted me and I told you that you will be okay"

I let out a laugh, perhaps the loudest I have ever laughed in my life. I laughed so hard my stomach, my cheeks, and my lungs hurt. "Okay, okay?! You think this is okay?!" I exclaimed getting increasingly verbose with each word. 
face turning bright red from the sudden rise and blood pressure between laughing and anger, It took me a moment to catch my breath.

When I finished I watched as you passed through the stone and silver entrance and floated away down a narrow stone corridor. As you slightly descended with each passing moment, torches of blue fire lit up on both sides of you as if they were your guide, revealing an unknowingly deep and dark nothingness that stretched down the corridor as far as I could see.

Feeling a bit frustrated I yelled out "hey! Wait stop I have questions!"

My words fell on deaf ears as you rounded a corner and vanished from my sight.

I thought to myself there is no way I am taking a chance and jumping into a void once again, I turned to the fish which floated to the right of me the fish sounding muffled like it was under water asked me 

"what is wrong human? You look as though you feel a hook in your mouth"

"how do I follow- hey, Wait a minute you look like that fish I saw in the small stream, you're just much larger now"

 The fish replied "Yes that is me, and I am that, we are one in the same coexisting between two parallel universes."

"What you saw in your world followed your natural laws, here there are no natural laws"

"Yeah, I figured that one out already" I said in a condescending tone.

"say, do you have any water?" Asked the fish.

It followed with "Water is a rarity here, quite like seeing humans here and I am parched."

"I don't have time for this, how do I get through the corridor" I expressed in a more intense tone.

"Oh, if only I had some water I could help you" cried the fish.

Realizing I was still slightly more than damp from the many times I fell in the stream, I took off my shirt.

I asked the fish to open its mouth, and it complied.

Holding my shirt over its mouth I rang out as much of the water as I could from my damp shirt. It wasn't much, maybe a quarter of a glass full.

The fish appeared very elated, I stood back and watched as it scales glimmered and glowed with a bright golden aura.

"Thank you for that! It has been years since I have had the luxury of tasting the delicacy of water"

*"The delicacy of water?"*

"Is everyone here mad? It's just water."

"To you it is plain and common, but here it is an exotic taste" It's voice sounding angry now "like  that of the atrocious dish you call caviar in your world"

The fish let out a sigh..

"In return for your precious gift, I will open the way forward for you."

I watched as the fish slightly wiggled its tail back and forth. I heard the grinding of stone to my left. Taking a step back I witnessed stone blocks protruding from the walls of the corridor in a checkered pattern and rearranging themselves in the order of a slightly declining staircase until I could see it nor hear it no longer.

Thank you! I said as I gestured my hand signaling farewell to the mystical fish.

Making my way down the corridor it was long and declined seemingly endlessly forward and slightly left.

It took about 10 or 15 minutes to make it to the bottom. Finally reaching the end I stood before a small wooden door about neck height.

It appeared to be made of mahogany with a silver trim lining the recessed square patterns neatly and symmetrically spaced. The brass handle was round and had little stars recessed around its surface.

I opened the door, ducked my head down and stepped in.

Taking my first step I panicked as I realized that the floor I stood on was transparent and appeared to be made out of thin glass. too thin to hold the weight of a human in the real world. It endlessly stretched in every direction 

I stopped and observed the area around me I was surrounded by cosmic bliss, thousands of stars engulfed us in every direction.

Although they appeared to be millions of miles away they still glimmered brightly. A light blue and red aura complimented each star and filled the spaces in between.

I noticed you sitting in a plain wooden chair a few yards away.
Cautiously stepping towards you while in absolute awe, I was speechless and marveled at the illustrious view that surrounded us every direction.

Softly you said "now that we are here you can start by telling me what's going on". Similar to how we usually start our sessions.

Feeling indecisive where to start my mind was eventually flooded with all my worries. I opened with how I hate almost all of myself and my body. And of my fears of venturing out into the world with my current mental and my physical ailments. I mentioned the physical pain I was in and how I had trouble sleeping every night because of excessive rumination. I brought up how I felt that I was going backwards in progress and that It appeared I was frustrating you because of that.

You stopped me and said: "I noticed you said you **almost** hate all of yourself and your body", putting emphasis on the word almost.

You followed that with "Now let me ask you, what do you like about yourself and your body?"

Taking a moment to introspect I told you how I was proud of my eagerness to learn everything I can about the universe and while sometimes I'm closed-minded, with enough facts and truth I am flexible and capable of changing even my core beliefs.

I went on about how I found joy in helping others, and that I was a very empathetic person and found it easy to relate to my peers.

I mentioned how I was eager to fulfill my goals despite how I am now finding it increasingly difficult to pursue them but I am still hopeful that one day I will achieve them.

I spoke about how I felt that because I am a highly sensitive person and the emotional extremes I experience due to all of my disorders I feel I experience a much wider emotional range compared to most others in the world.

Finishing up, I shared that I am very proud of my strong morals even when sometimes others disagree with them, that I use them as a code to guide my words and actions even though sometimes fail to uphold them.

a brief moment of silence passed and you stated to me that while I feel very negative towards many aspects of myself, I should rejoice and always recognize the positive aspects as well.

With that said, all the stars that surrounded us began to fall downwards leaving a slight trail of light flowing behind them and my vision began to fade.

I woke up, still lying in bed I took a few minutes to process and introspect on the most vivid and symbolic dream I have ever experienced I was eager to write this down and wrote as much as I could remember.

I believe that the physical obstacles you put me through represented the challenges in my life. That I must learn to trust in myself to be able accomplish my goals and overcome the obstacles I face. Instead of completely relying on others to do it for me, I can only improve my life if I put in the effort as well.

Furthermore it could be said each obstacle has its own specific lesson as well.

In the first obstacle, crossing the stream I believe the lesson was that sometimes when we are facing an obstacle the best course of action is to not face the obstacle at all.

In the second obstacle, it would seem climbing the rocky hill was the lesson here. That when facing a dilemma It is important to utilize the tools you have available to you. Such as taking my medication.

After my second obstacle you had said to me to step into the portal despite my fear of uncertainty of what's on the other side, I think this shows sometimes we must take risk to reap the rewards we desire despite the unknown. But that also does not mean that I should blindly trust in others and that it is okay to question the actions and motives of those around me.

Conversely when you told me to trust you to jump as I stood on the last pillar in the cosmic realm, I think it resembled that while I must trust myself, I must also balance my trust in other people which is something you know I struggle greatly with on both ends of the spectrum. Suggesting I will find by balancing my trust in other people it can present me with many great possibilities and strengthen my relationships. Such as that with my doctors.

Despite me feeling betrayed by you after I jumped, I realized my feelings were just assumptions and that it is important to recognize that It is not wise to rush to conclusions based on assumptions.

Next you led me to a corridor which I could not navigate on my own, I believe that this challenge was to help me understand that it is important to have a support network of people that I can rely on such as in this case the fish. But also he was not to able to help me without something in return, representing It's important to be mindful of others emotional state before seeking support from them and reciprocate the support when they need it as well, so long as I can provide it in a healthy way. 

Also by providing him the water which I carried from my first obstacle that I failed I think this is a lesson that with every obstacle we pass, even the ones we fail, we learn from our mistakes and and can utilize our past experiences to appropriately deal with new challenges.

I believe that the words that you had spoken to me once we arrived at our final destination regarding *what do I like about myself* where said with the intent of improving my self-esteem and to find more ways to have a more positive outlook towards myself by looking at the whole picture instead of focusing on the negatives. I think that also applies to the opposite, focusing only on the positives. I believe you taught me this in one of our earlier sessions.

I will never forget the symbolism of this dream and I hope that I have many others like it to provide even more revelations.