
I’m 16f. Every time I get into a relationship with someone I always have urges to hurt their feelings. I’m not diagnosed with bpd but this is the only sub where I feel like someone could help me.

It’s only with people that i’m in a relationship with and someone that I truly love. Deep down I don’t want to lose them, but I always end up losing them.

I have sabotaged every relationship because of this. I’ve noticed these “urges” since 10 years old. During an argument with my ex, I told him I never wanted him just to feel less vulnerable or to act like I didn’t care.

Other times, I just feel like being mean. I like the power and control that I feel over them. I like getting their reaction. It’s a part of me that wants to love someone, but another part of me that just wants to sabotage everything.

I enjoy doing it. I don’t like hurting people but I like the feeling I get from it. It makes me feel powerful to have so much control over someone’s emotions.

It’s weird because i don’t experience these urges when i’m in a relationship with someone that i’m not in love with, but once I fall in love I will hurt them until they get tired and leave. It’s a cycle.

They do say power can be addicting so maybe that explains why I crave it and have urges. This post sounds so fucked up.

Please don’t think i’m a bad person. I need professional help, but i can’t afford it.


My dad wasn’t too good to us either. He physically abused my mom and emotionally abuse my brothers and I.