I’m just in a some kind of limbo. Floating on the dark, hoping something will arrive, losing time, imagining life, while it passes right thru me.

I’ve been lonely my hole life, I’ve never had someone to talk to, I’ve never had a girlfriend, I’ve never had a real friend. 
When I was a kid I used to just make conversations on my head, and imagine how life will be if I were someone else. I used to be with my dog all the time. When my parents where fighting, my dog and I used to hide on my room, always together.  
My dog died some months ago, he was 12 y/o. The older he got, the happier he was. I feel like he understand something I probably will never do. I miss him so much. Every night before I go to sleep I repeat in my head “I miss you so much, and I love you”, because I feel like he’s here with me, and I feel like he want me to learn something about his death so I can be free.

I just feel like I have dreamed my life away, and honestly every memory I’ve had starts to feel better with the time. I feel bad all the time, I always expect things to go wrong. I tend to have catastrophic thoughts. And this anxiety it’s just paralyzing me. Im always tired, and find it so hard to do exercise daily, or read books. But I always give a good fight.

 I just can’t relate to people, I’ve always feel like I don’t belong here. People just don’t talk about anything real, they just try to blend in, so I know I’m not the only one lonely in here. Whenever I’m around some crowd of people I depersonalize because I don’t want to be there, and start to feel like I’m on a dream. 
I’ve always been on a dream, and will always be. And watching everything drift away, makes everything feel better.