Hi everyone,I was diagnosed with mdd about 3 years ago after my younger sister who was also one of my bestest friends decided to end it for herself. I've lived with it but when dianosed i was told it was far more deep seeded than just this one event. my symptoms began around the age of 14(im now 27) but i didn't realise what was happening nor did anyone around me bother to understand. Make no mistake my family has always been very loving but this is just a sort of a taboo in the society i live in to talk about mental illnesses, instead i was simply labelled as the loner or the outsider or the quiet one. I'm a doctor by profession now and the only thing that would make it bearable was helping people through my work. To be able to make other's pain go away was always the one thing that made everything okay for me. 2 years ago at the cusp of becoming a graduate i began working towards going through my usmle exam which i took last month(step1). 3 months ago i proposed to my girlfriend who pretty much checked all the right boxes and decided she wanted to end our thing becuz we were 'too much alike' and 'it didn't feel right' to her. As i processing it and felt like i got over it. I tried soldiering on towards the mle becuz i wanted to 1)get out of here 2)for the past 2 years it was my dream to be an american diplomat in medicine. a few days ago i found out i failed the exam and the dream is pretty much gone now. I have no idea what to do and where to go now,all my demons are back and are stronger than ever.