I(18F) have been friends with my best friend(18F) for 12 years. She has depression, anxiety, ADHD, bipolar, and an ED. I have always been supportive of her ever since her symptoms first appeared in early middle school. I have washed her hair, made her shower, made her brush her teeth, cleaned her room, done her homework, made her meals, picked her up/checked in on her at any hour, helped her paint her ‘chaotic’ walls, etc. when she has been at her worst. We have a strong attachment to each other and pretty bad codependency issues, but we’ve been more independent since we’ve moved to different universities.

The problem is that when’s she’s at her worst, I have to pick up the pieces, I have to be understanding and patient and kind, but sometimes she can be so mean to me. It’s because she pushes people away during her depressive episodes. But some of the things she has said to me still stay in the back of my mind til this day. And I wish they wouldn’t, but some things are unforgettable.

Whenever I bring up any mistreatment I faced during depressive episodes, she always excuses it by saying that she cant help her bipolar disorder or that her disorders make her say/do things she doesn’t really mean. Is this an actual thing? Can she actually not help some of those hurtful words/actions? It just seems completely implausible to me to not be able to help ur actions and not be able to take accountability for it, but I have no mental issues. I have never mentioned these doubts to her and we usually just move on, but I can’t keep these questions to myself anymore. Can someone better explain this mental illness for me?