needed to get this off my chest. i'm very much a nocturnal person, i generally perform and feel the best during the night. it's just so quiet and calm, i love this time of the day.

she has been stressed at work lately and every time we talk, i feel like i'm walking on eggshells, she will always find something to blame on me and we'd get into an argument. it's so so so tiring, i've started to just ignore her. when i was younger, she was physically abusive too whenever she's stressed, so it's just a bad situation all round.

i do admit that yeah it's probably unhealthy for me to stay up late whenever i can, but i just enjoy it more, especially now since she isn't awake to scream at me. she just told me i'm wasting her money, that i did not ask to use by the way, for going to the hospital since i'm not sleeping at a conventional time. like she's blaming my sleep schedule for my new heart issues. it's so frustrating because i told her that i did NOT want to go to a private hospital in the first place. we have socialised healthcare and i paid literally 60 bucks when i went to the ER previously, compared to the 2k bill at the private hospital.

i don't think i'll be attending my appointment next week for this reason, she'll just hold the bill over my head after that. i'll just deal with whatever and die since it's costing her so much money.

before anyone tells me to just move out, i am a poor grad student who hasn't been paid for the last 2 months. i can't fucking afford it, or therapy. i'm just so tired, i wish i could just die from my health issues already.