My therapist yesterday ended therapy after I refused to get myself into hospitalization. Told him how everything is getting worse, that I want to die etc. I however clearly stated that I would never even attempt committing suicide, no matter how much I want to die. I simply don't have the time to get myself hospitalized, since I first have to get my shit together before even thinking of hospitalization. I know health, physical and mental health, is more important than exams that can be repeated, but I just want to get it over asap. Everything seems just so messed up. 