I KEEP HAVING FUCKING NIGHTMARES OF MY ASSAULT FROM 13 YEARS AGO. IM IN BED SHAKING AND CRYING BECAUSE I KEEP WISHING TO BE A KID AGAIN. I WANT THAT ATTENTION AGAIN. I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY MIND AND I HATE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY PAST THAT HAS CHANGED ME TODAY.

THERAPY WAS HELPING SO MUCH BUT MY DAD REFUSES TO PAY FOR IT ANY LONGER. IT HAS BEEN MONTHS NOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO ANYMORE.

I AM NOT MYSELF, I BARELY FEEL LIKE A PERSON ANYMORE.

Rant over. I'm so tired and frustrated. I kind of just want to die before I hurt myself or others. I need therapy again so badly.