I don’t need the upvotes I just need someone to listen. I’m so fucking lost and done with it. I want to end it. There’s so much fucking pain I’m not only willing to cut my wrists but chop off my whole fucking arm. They say these are the best years of my life but it isn’t. These have been the worst and they will only get worse but never better (I’m 14 yeah you can call me a faker idfc cuz I’m fucking tired of people calling me one. All of my dreams vanished instantaneously and all I love gone like dust in the wind. My friends have been manipulating me so I can only act a certain way and be a certain person or they bully me or torment me. A girl I like - as a friend - won’t fucking talk to me because of false fucking rumors and because her boyfriend told her not to and she was one of my only reasons to live. My grandpa is dead and he was the family member I connected with the most. He got me a parrot which is halfway across the planet since we only go there in the summers. Idek if the damn bird understood my venting but it did more consoling than any of my friends. I tried to explain this to a girl who told me she knows what pain felt like (apparent- fucking-ly) and she told me to man the fuck up and that I shouldn’t cry cuz I’m a boy. Before I knew my friends were manipulating me they told me my depression isn’t real, I was faking it, and that I shouldn’t cry because I have a roof over my head. I’m isolated where I go and I’m never needed. I’m always called useless and there’s so much blockage I can’t cry. I want to run away but I can’t. My counselor snitched on me so I can’t ever trust any adult. I cower in my room playing the guitar but not making myself any better. Video games don’t help. I just pray to god I die when I sleep. Or if you guys are cool with shooting a child then please do it. I want to die. I want it to end. They missed the part where this was the best years of my life