I'm in a weird position. I found out yesterday that one of my coworkers in another town died under suspicious circumstances and my moods have been... volatile, to say the least. Yesterday afternoon, I should've left work at 4pm, but I couldn't stop thinking about this coworker and I knew my husband wouldn't be home from work yet, so I just kept working. I didn't know what else to do. I didn't leave until almost 6pm because my husband asked me to. When I got home, I almost felt like I was in shock. He made me dinner and I did a crossword puzzle for what I thought was 45 minutes. It was 4 hours. I couldn't brush my teeth. At work today, I just couldn't get my brain to focus on anything at all. I don't remember what I did before 10am and everything is hazy. This evening around 8pm, my husband said we should make dinner and I told him I didn't want to eat. He told me he "wasn't going to let that happen" and tried to get me to realize I needed to eat on my own. I told him that cooking didn't sound worth it because I don't want to eat whatever I make. He suggested a few meals and offered to cook for me. When I told him no, he said "understood" in this really sad tone and I actually yelled at him to stop sounding sad because he didn't do anything wrong. I don't think I have ever yelled at him before and now I just have guilt rolled into all of these feelings.

It's almost 9pm now. My heart is pounding, my eyes won't focus, I can't think straight, and the thought of eating makes me want to scream. Normally my bipolar is really well managed so I can't pinpoint if this is hypomania or not. What is wrong with me and how do I fix it?