I'm scared of hurting my partner. Not physically, because the only person I place hands on is myself, but the mere fact that I'm alive makes her life worse. I've been hearing it nonstop for months. And before anyone says "it's just voices" if you thought your partners life might possibly improve with you out of the picture, wouldn't the kind thing to do be to die? 

My existence isn't just a burden on me but everyone I care about. I tell her I love her. But how much do I *really* love her if I refuse to unlock the solution to all her problems? 

The truth is I'm selfish. Deep down, I don't want to die, I want to get better. But that's not possible without the universe harming my partner and the rest of my loved ones. I'm really at a crossroads and I wish I knew the right choice. Not for me, but for her.