As soon as I woke up today, my heart was racing because I didn’t want to start my day because this fucking intrusive thought is with me every second of the day without relief. I am currently taking a bunch of anxiety meds like Luvox and a daily tablet of Ativan and none of it seems to be helping. Talking to my therapist isn’t helping either. I cried for a literal hour today because this thought is tormenting me constantly. Every time I wake up, I just want to fucking kill myself because I know each day is going to be like the last, no matter what I do or tell myself. It is the worst thought imaginable to have too. I feel like it’s never ever going to go away. I know it’s my OCD but that isn’t enough, it’s like my subconscious or something isn’t believing what I’m saying. I can’t do this.