I was recently reminded just how lonely and mentally stunted I really am after hanging with my ex for the first time in years. Life has given me one too many battles to fight and I'm tired. I don't want to keep doing winning or losing these battles with my mind. I prayed to a God I'm not sure exists and begged for him to stop forcing me to keep living. The only thing stopping me from ending things is the fear of not being successful and surviving and the pain. I don't know how much longer those things are going to keep me from ending it. I can't even keep the weight of my head upright sometimes. I can't breathe the same anymore, and everything around me reminds me of the pain from the past and the pain that tomorrow is going to bring. I don't want to keep feeling this.