I saw my ex FP a few days ago and I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’m 46 now, when I was younger, around 18 or 19, I had a relationship with a man a lot of years older than me. We had a very troublesome relationship, it was very toxic and he used to gaslight me and manipulate me a lot since I was very in love with him. 

He even had a wife and kids, including an affair with other guy who was younger like me. He’s now afraid of being sick and contacted me, and even if I hate him I can’t seem to very far away from him. 

He just gets me. I know it’s trauma bond, I know that very well, but I’m fucking dying to be loved. My husband and I are also separated and I don’t know if we’ll be able to get back together. And while I don’t love my ex FP at all I feel like I don’t know how to be alone…