Hi all!
I've beenn diagnozed schizophrenic juat last week. I have mostly positive symptoms, paranaoïa, voices intrapsychic and extrapsychic, persecution ideas, delusions, ideas of reference. I barely manage my emotions, but it's been more than 2 years living with this psychosis but had others in the past 8 years and it's so long to endure that psychologically I am going into a downward spiral. Not depressive, but I'm starting to get desperate. I've been on risperdal, zyprexa, haldol, abilify, latuda and now clozapine for 6 months. Clozapine has helped a bit for delusions and ideas of persecution but the rest is about the same. I've been dealing with hopes and failure each time I try something new. I am not disorganized, as long as I stay home, the voice are intra psychic and I can manage my emotion. But as soon as I leave the house, it's a neverending nightmare. I feel people are following me, talking about me, and I hear the voices just like they were real. I've been officialy diagnosed schizophrenic last weak after several psychosis during the last 8 years. I have few negative symptoms; isolation, anedonia, low emotions. I had severe akathisia with latuda and it wasn't working so well so we began the clozapine. Last week my psychiatrist told me about ECT (electroshocks) and I don't know what to think anymore. I hope that sounds clear, I speak french. I take clozapine 400mg, lamictal 200mg haldol 4mg and ativan 1mg twice a day. I manage to stay okay if I'm in tge house and have help from.my parents, but I don't really have any friend. So, I'm feeling like the electroshocks are my last resort. All the years, the fatigue, I'm starting to lose hope of recovery. I used to be a talented health worker myself , active and social. I would have never thought I would become auch a mindless anxious slug haunted  by imaginary voices. Mental ilness really annihilated all the good in my life. Surprisingly, the illness didn't affect my cognition, speach, or intellect, which is a good and bad thing as all the overthinking I do might even make it worst over time. I have a psychiatrist, a nurse I see every 2 weeks and a psychologist, helping parents. I eat well, I walk 4km each day, no drug, no cigarette, no alcohol. But still, I feel overwhelmed don't think I'll be able to manage this some more years or even months.  Any advice is welcome. I feel so lonely. I don't know for how long I'll be able  to live like this. I don't think I am suicidal but I contemplate the idea every single day.