The past half year has been tremendously difficult for me. I haven’t had a stable place, I lost my job, I lost my friends. I don’t have a good family system (on my mom’s side, Dad’s is okay but difficult to communicate bc of distance). It’s hard. I only have my fiancé left, though he’s American and I’m Canadian, and the green card application hasn’t been processed so it’s hard to spend time together without limiting visits. 

I feel a profound sense of dread for my future. I don’t see myself going anywhere, I don’t see myself getting any other friends, I don’t see myself succeeding. I am in debt, have poor credit, and have energy to try at anything anymore. 

I often think suicide is the right choice. I’m suffering so badly and I know my fiancé would be hurt so I feel stuck. I don’t know where to go. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I get little spurts of “I can endure this! Living is tolerable!” But they don’t last long. 

I need tips. I need some kind of help. 