yesterday I was triggered because my ex best friend basically left for college without telling me because she doesn't really care about me anymore. I have gathered this fact for awhile now but seeing it on social media enhanced my grieving. I felt empty and started searching for ways to get rid of my negative feelings. 

so I drank. I drank a lot. once I felt tipsy, I drank more. once I felt surely drunk, I drank even more. I started smiling at the idea of overdosing on some trazodone or cutting myself. I didnt know where my cutting tools were and my sister took my meds in custody.

I did not want the feeling to end. I wanted to stay there forever. sobriety sucks. and now I pay the consequences of my actions as my body is working vigorously to remove these toxins out of my body. nothing fills the void and I feel like shit