I graduate my program in 3 weeks. For the past two years I’ve had extreme tunnel vision for school, and would avoid anything that would interfere with it because I tend to burn out and failure wasn’t an option for me. I worked extremely hard for these two years to pass. 

I’m basically done school and my emotions are bouncing around like crazy and I don’t know what I’m feeling. I have a history of very destructive habits and a couple suicide attempts. My childhood was traumatic but I really thought I had moved past all that. For my entire two year program I had been fine. Lately I just feel the need to be reckless and spiral and I don’t know why. I’ve been getting flashbacks of my childhood, thinking about how I ended up here despite all that, but also the hurt that comes with it. Has anyone else felt like this? And what do I do in this situation? I’m about to have nearly everything I’ve wanted but I feel the need to spiral out which for me means really reckless and unhealthy behavior that I don’t think I should specify.