Should I return to therapy? I'm worried I'm damaged and hurting those I love. 

When I was a teenager I was sexually assaulted multiple times by a father figure who was my supervisor. Essentially I was groomed and molested by someone in power over me. Classic case for the most part. 

I ended up suing the company to put a stop to it because as I decided to quit to escape the fog of the trauma I saw him grooming boys who were progressively younger(12-16).

It was the hardest thing I ever survived - this was before metoo and there wasn't much support for that type of thing, especially for men. I went to trauma therapy for about 2 years. 

Well like most survivors of sexual trauma I ended up developing a taste for what some would call extreme tastes in sex. 

I'm a Dom, I use safe words, I was introduced to age play by a fwb and I enjoyed it, I like collaring, CNC, choking, slapping, spitting, any type of power imbalance in sex (male or female) etc.

Every woman I've been with has loved it and would become quite enthusiastic about sex with me. I'd start slow and introduce themes over time and if they weren't into it, I'd never bring it up again. 

I've never had a complaint from a woman regarding sex until my most recent ex.

She was 11 yrs younger(early 20s)and was very sexually compatible with me. 

When we were fwb she'd tell me I was the best, she dumped multiple college boyfriends when she returned to be with me, told me she'd instruct them to do and say what I do and say.

Lock down happened and we became a real couple. And I know many will grimace when I say we loved each other and it was the best romantic relationship I've ever experienced. We cooked together, learned duets on guitar and sang, biked, camped, etc. 

But our sex life was stuck in a strange cycle. We'd have sex, I'd do my usual thing of pinning her down and ravaging her, she'd absolutely enjoy it and afterwards - she'd cry because she felt guilty. She told me she felt like a bad feminist for enjoying submitting. I tried to reassure her but we kept falling into the same cycle. 

We have great sex, she cries, I try to be sweet during sex , she gets bored and starts to do CNC / brat play, she cries after. 

So we came up with a plan to help her feel more "equal" after sex but it didn't seem to help.

Lock down ended so she talked about dumping me to "have the college experience" - I accepted it and didn't want to hold her back. But changed her tune and said our sex life is weird to her, I'm not funny and should never have encouraged her to get therapy for the OCD she talked about struggling with. 

I told her I'd love to work thing out together but I respect her feelings, I gave her the BU and went NC after we exchanged our last "I love yous" and a kiss goodbye.

This is where I may hurt her. She wrote me a letter after 10 weeks of NC and I returned it unopened. I was just trying to heal but maybe I hurt her.

She flew out and it's been 6 months. 

Well she's back now and telling every girl who knows me about my kinks and how she regrets consenting. I've been told she wishes she could be more mad at me but admits there was no coercion and enjoyed it at the time but now feels degraded and disrespected. 

Every girl is treating me like some predator now. 

Example : my best friends little sister who I've known for years and we're regularly dance partners. People are saying (as in this week) I tried to hook up with her now  because 2 months ago I sat on her lap at a party and chatted with her and her boyfriend for a minute. 

No one's willing to comfort me, I just hear everything second hand. I want to confront them and tell them that because I work with vulnerable kids and adults - if people really think I'm a predator, I should be investigated

My best friend says it's ridiculous and is saying my ex has whipped every girl around in a frenzy against me because she's going to therapy to "process our relationship".

It seems ridiculous to me but maybe they're right and I'm some fucked up person. I never told my ex about my trauma, maybe if I told her things would have worked out or have been better for her. Maybe my tastes in sexuality reflect some defect I need to fix.