Hi everyone. So I know that like, there’s plenty of other posts on here that need a lot more attention. But I’m kind of getting scared of myself and I need advice if possible. Recently I’ve been sinking further into severe depression. These past few nights I’ve been having random panic sobbing attacks that last for hours. During them I start to get really on edge and I actually develop energy whereas beforehand there is none at all. I cry so hard I can’t breathe. I scream and hit things and I just wish I could die. I fear that during these crying anxiety episodes I might do something, as tonight I thought of something really bad and impulsive and scared myself. And I love my family which makes me cry even harder and hate myself. I went to my mom last night and she helped but I feel guilty when I go to her just sobbing and being a freaking train wreck (she was asleep). I really need help and I’m getting so desperate. Im shaking really badly right now. I want to go to the hospital, I don’t know why I just do, but I don’t have a suicide plan or anything I just feel like I’m dying and have passive thoughts which aren’t concerning to them. What would they even do if I went to the ER? I don’t want to be hospitalized so it’s just a waste of time right? I just want to stop crying and I feel so out of control. I just need it to go away as it’s been a month now, and I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m getting more and more suicidal and I don’t want to be. I’m sorry if this is all over the place I’m just a hysterical mess atm.