My boyfriend of over a year recently moved from his home state to be with me and in the process gave up his old life entirely. Our relationship has been intense from the start and I should’ve recognized the red flags in his obsessive behavior and refusal to respect my boundaries but I was naive. He came across as charming and confident and I quickly and wholeheartedly fell for him.

My financial security declined significantly in the past year and I did not want to renew my lease because I knew I couldn’t afford it comfortably. He pushed for it heavily, questioning my commitment and affections when I tried to figure out alternatives. I caved because I wanted to build a life together. (Lease is fully in my name) I’ve been supporting us singlehandedly while he establishes his career out here, even providing him with a vehicle (in my name) to get to and from work.

A while back we had an argument over laundry that became heated and he yelled at me. I was hurt and told him I was going to step out to cool down, at which point he lost it, grabbed me and pushed me away from the front door which resulted in some minor bruises and two deep cuts that are now scars. Only after I told him I was bleeding did he let me go. He panicked and physically blocked me from leaving. He took my phone so I couldn’t call the cops and called me psychotic and insane when I started to have a panic attack and begged him to let me leave. I tried for an hour to leave before I finally gave up. His behavior becomes more aggressive with each passing day.

After every confrontation he showers me with care and love and makes promises he has no intention of keeping. He has this incredible knack of making himself seem so vulnerable and sincere. He knows exactly what to say and how to say it, he can be incredibly insightful. I feel for him because I know he struggles with his own issues and he has a hard time coping, especially when it comes to anger. But at what point do I stop putting his needs before mine?

I have been diagnosed as bipolar 1 and despite making significant progress in managing my illness and functioning independently, I have been relapsing. I went off my meds and cut contact with my psychiatrist and therapist. I have no support system, no friends or family I can rely on. I am alone and I have no idea what to do.

Still, I foolishly care for him so deeply. I can’t in good conscience kick him out on the street and leave him with nothing. He won’t leave willingly or peacefully, he won’t let me rent him a hotel room or buy him a plane ticket home. Every attempt I make to end the relationship is met with aggression. It feels easier to stay at this point, but I worry if I stay I will eventually end up dead.