I just had the most surreal experience just now. I forgot to take my second dose today and found myself balling my eyes out and having a light panic attack as I turned my lights out to go to bed. 

All the worst thoughts faced thru my mind as I lay there. When I remembered about not taking my meds, I hopped up, went to the kitchen, open the med bottle, grabbed my pills and drank them down with some water. 

I then went back to bed, thru the covers over me and continued my depressive state for another 15 minutes. 

Then, suddenly, just like that, no more crying, no more bad thoughts, just clarity. It's like I whoosh of non-emotion hit me like a brick.

I'm now no longer sad or happy. I just feel like I am and that's it.

I so wish I could be normal like everyone else and feel happy again like I did as a child. I wish I could not feel empty inside sometimes or stressed out that I'm going to ruin everything. 

Life is so difficult sometimes and I just don't think people understand how I feel most of the time. I try to do my best for me, for my girlfriend, and for my family.

I'm really putting my best foot forward hoping that I can just keep it all together you know.

Anyways, I'm off to sleep now now that I can close my eyes with no thoughts in my head.