I was diagnosed with BPD at 15 years old. To be perfectly honest, at the time there were so many traumatic events occurring in my family (mom developed late- onset schizophrenia and ran off, sister made two suicide attempts, CPS involvement, religious cult abuse, complete isolation, the whole shebang), and the diagnosis went pretty much forgotten by me up until now. 

I'm a young adult, removed from that situation for many years, about to graduate college. I've spent much of my life attempting to heal from the trauma that unfolded in my family when I was younger, much of it on my own. I have a severe anxiety and panic disorder from the experience and as far as mental health goes, that's my main priority since it proves to be the most debilitating. I could justify handling my emotional issues when it felt like it only impacted myself, but as I've grown older, it's become undeniable that I have issues other than anxiety. 

I've never felt so seen reading through these BPD experience posts. Before this point I had just written off all of my behavior patterns as "quirks" or "anxiety coping mechanisms", but to recognize that there is a name for what I'm feeling, and that a therapist could have seen this nearly a decade ago is very revealing. I'm finally beginning my journey with BPD, putting all the puzzle pieces of my past together and recognizing that there has been a pattern in it all. On the shitty end, it has also made me aware of all the times I hurt loved ones because of my own insecurities and fear of abandonment. This deep dive into my mental health has really been a result of a violent outburst between me and my sister, in which I basically raged at her for her distance over the quarantine. I saw a really scary side of me that I'm ashamed of and don't want to see again.

Does anyone have any advice for someone that has been ignoring their BPD diagnosis for years and just recently decided to take it seriously? I feel a sense of relief, but I'm also scared because I know there is much work in store. Also if anyone has any therapist recommendations, send em my way! I'll be pursuing teletherapy so they don't have to be in a certain area.