Hi /r/BPD!

So I've been having a bit of a tough time. I've been living in Belgium (moved here from Australia) for one year and three months. Up until about 3 months ago I lived with my boyfriend and his mother, but then I broke down and was admitted to a psych ward specifically for BPD for 7 weeks. I received the therapy in Dutch (first language is english) however it was severely limited as I was placed in the 'crisis intake group,' which is usually meant for patients who have already received a full year or two of DBT in that hospital's system. I was very lucky to be admitted because both my psychologist and psychiatrist are part of that team, so I'm grateful for having a safe place to stay and recuperate. I've since been out and living out of my friend's studio and my boyfriend's house (avoiding his mum) until our new rental house is ready to live in.

I have not had any serious DBT, and only got the diagnosis when I came to Belgium. I am on a few waiting lists but it will be next year before I get to start any DBT. There IS one therapy group that may admit me earlier, and it's 5 days a week intensive therapy, so I'm hoping for that. I have a DBT coach but I can only afford to see her once every two or three weeks, so it's not super effective.

I have some serious issues that I want to work on but I don't know how to solve them. My boyfriend says he will not live with me until I improve, or begin to improve, those behaviours. I have radically accepted that (it was really hurtful, to be honest) but I know that I can't guarantee a stable home life for him until these behaviours improve.

When I get into an argument, am stressed, etc, my first resort is self harm and suicidal thoughts. The thought process behind it is usually, "I have so much pain inside," and "I want to show the other person just how much pain I'm feeling," and the reaction is like an intense, angry tantrum. I know these thought patterns are childish and immature and I'm embarrassed of them. My immediate family also use such techniques, so I think I just learned it and never learned a better method.

The DBT I received was more about sleeping and eating properly than actual skills. I did make a crisis plan and a distraction plan, but they're a bit lacking. What skills can I look into to improve myself? What methods can I apply to stop these behaviours?

__tl;dr: have a very childish, angry, tantrum like reaction to arguments or situations that don't go my way, often involving self harm/suicidal actions. Am deeply ashamed about my behaviour and want to change, but have no immediate access to DBT. What skills/methods can I use to stop and improve these behaviours?__