First time posting anything related to mental health. I  came from a family where this was highly stigmatized and all sorts of stress and unhappiness could just be resolved with a simple mood change. I went to therapy a couple times in college, but was never really open with anybody about what was going.  Recently, after a particularly bad patch, after talking to my SO, I decided I need to seek help and be open about what was going on in my life with a professional. BPD came up pretty quickly and I feel like I finally understand what's going on with me now that I have a diagnosis. For years I thought I just had an awful personality and that I was too sensitive and dependent on others for my mood. Turns out, I was just BPD. So many of behaviors from the last fifteen (or so) years just make so much more sense, and part of me wonders how different life would be if I tried getting this all under control sooner.  

With that said, it's also absolutely stressful because it feels like I'm going to feel this way forever. For instance, the fact that I may live the rest of my life not knowing if my mood is going to be stable is exhausting. I wake up in a good mood and I just don' t know how long that's going to last. It sucks to think your joy can just get robbed from you for no reason at any point in the day. It is, however, a comfort to know that that's part of a diagnosis, and not just some weird anomaly nobody else struggles with. There are other things I really stress about with the diagnosis,  for instance, I know that changing jobs is common for people with BPD, and I've changed my job a number of times already, and considered changing professions altogether. Now that I realize this is part of my diagnosis, does this mean I should just get used to the urge of changing jobs and hold back?

Additionally, I've got to say, I don't love my therapist right now, but that's another post for another day.