I have reverse SAD disorder meaning my suicidal thoughts, insomnia and depression spike this time of year

Lately I’ve been having panic attack/suicide fits if that makes sense to anyone. Basically, the suicidal thoughts come fast and urgently and while I am curled in a ball hyperventilating I can feel an acidic feeling in my chest and neck. I call them them ‘kill yourself chemicals’ because it’s like I can feel the chemicals my brain is making curse through my viens. It’s like a tingling sensation but worse. I imagine it’s what being mildly tased is like but I have no reference. 

Does anyone else experience this? 
I haven’t seen it described in any research or forum but it’s scary and weird and I want to talk about it.