does anyone else not want to be on any medication? 

A few weeks ago I forgot to take my meds for a few days, and just haven't felt like taking them again. It might have been a month I've been off them or maybe only two weeks, I don't know, my sense of time is warped. 

Sure, I've been considering offing myself almost daily and self harming, but I can't bring myself to take my meds anymore. It was already bad while I was taking them anyways, and they made me so dizzy I almost passed out every time I changed positions. 

But I just don't feel like taking medication anymore. Am I allowed to tell my psychiatrist that I don't want to? I don't know, there's just something about being on a cocktail of antidepressants and mood stabilizers that makes me so numb, I hadn't been able to cry in two years and just didn't feel like a person. I'd rather end up in the ER than feel like that.