**This isn't me showing off my progress. I don't want people to think I'm saying I'm better than them.**

So, about a year ago, my therapist (of two years out of my three in DBT) told me that I've made so much progress, and I got upset and demanded that I get reexamined. So we did it, and basically, she said that I did not meet diagnostic criteria. I should be proud that I'm getting my life together, right?

Nope. Because now I'm invalidating myself at every step. I have my interpersonal stuff under control, pretty much, which is why I'm "cured". But I still hate myself, I still wish I was dead, I still think about self-harm ALL THE TIME. Like, I relapsed and broke my 10 month streak and cut myself, and then did it again and again. And after every fucking time, I would tell myself that I don't have BPD, I don't deserve treatment for BPD, this is just my life now. I hate it. I hate this life. I'm not better.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I'm super thankful that some of my shit is together, but not all of it. At least when I had the label "BPD" I knew what to do. I'm trying to say I'm "in recovery" but I can't get myself to believe that. I'm not a veteran borderline anymore, because I'm not a borderline. Now I'm just accepting a shitty life as a "normal, healthy person."