Ive only been in 2 serious relationships

the first one was 3 yrs ago, it lasted 4 months. i used to split ALL THE time, i would constantly tell him we needed to go on a break and i would hate him, and then i would like love him and be obsessed w him a few days later, it was a confusing cycle for me until i broke up w him

i also idealized him a year later and was obsessed w him again and tore myself up bc i felt so bad for breaking up w him lol

as of now, ive been in a relationship for about a year. i split w him too but not as bad, but i do talk about breaking up w him to my friends a lot and then change my mind a few days later. but with him, im mostly just afraid of abandonment and i do anything amd get terrified if he ever acts different. and im also insecure and have trust issues because i always think about HIS ex gf, and how ill never be as good as her, as pretty as her, as funny as her, etc, i also tear myself up abt that(yet he doesn't know)

one other thing i wanted to ask was, what is the reason for lack of effort? ive noticed that about myself, i dont mean to and i feel bad, but i never am the one to plan things or go out of my way, my current bf always tells me i need to put in more effort but i feel weird