i know reddit is not a therapist or psychiatrist i just need to know. i have high functioning aspergers autism so this might be the cause for this but im not sure. i no longer have a therapist or psychiatrist to ask these things to bc my mother refuses to pay for it even though we have plenty of money. 

very slight trigger warning. suicide and self harm is mentioned once and i dont go in detail. 

im becoming depressed and i hate it. my body has been breaking down as well. i have lost my appetite. i struggle to get out of bed every morning. i dont want to feel this way at all. ive had suicidal and self harming thoughts. my energy has been extremely low. i dont feel well enough to talk to people but at the same time i want to. i feel alone. my parents and siblings have been fighting nonstop. i have not had a depressive episode since december. i have no reason to be sad i just am. i am on meds for depression and anxiety and its always worked but for some reason now it just isn’t. its making me so stressed. how can i stop this? i dont want it. what is this?