I don't know if I can live with this illness for much longer. It's so painful. I'm 26 and I've been dealing with this for 12 years, if not more. I've been able to hide it and convince people I'm stable. It's all slipping out lately, even affecting my job. I'm afraid I'll get fired. I'm crying uncontrollably and dissociating at work. I'm cutting. Self medicating. Anything to numb this awful pain.

I've either pushed away my previously close friends and keep my current friends at a distance for fear of being rejected or abandoned. My family isn't aware of my diagnosis. I recently started dating a guy with BPD. He made me feel accepted, like he understands me. I thought I finally found someone who would care about me as much as I care about him. I didn't have to hide everything. Then within days, he started to pull away, and then he left. He blocked me. I'm falling apart even more now. I guess not even someone who understands me and knows what I'm going through wants to be with me. Everyone leaves me. I try so hard. It's so hopeless.

I started DBT a month ago but I don't know if I can last long enough to get better.