Dads dead. Mum's estranged sort of. Got a boyfriend but his family hate me. Got a best friend but lives 100 miles away.

If I have the money and the guts I'll always find a way to depress my system until I feel nothing but warmth, nausea and fake happiness.

The perils of an opiate addiction is its too expensive and you'll never have enough. Tolerance builds and by the end of the first year you're doing 2-4x more than you initially started at.

I took them to make me feel happy. Now a year in I take them just to feel level, to feel human again.

I feel my body breaking down slowly. Body pains in scary places. Toilet issues. Migraines. Shakes. Sweats. It's relentless.

It feels worth dying for though most of the time. Just to not feel the pain in my chest and heart. To feel the hole.