So recently I’ve started to feel more and more down. It started back during September/October but only got worse. Back in October I self harmed for the first time in years I felt so bad. I take anti depressants but I think I’m relapsing anyway. For the past few weeks I’ve slept most the way through each day but I struggle to sleep at night even when I go to bed early. I’ve had a ideas and plans about killing myself and dreamed about it. Back when I was 14/15 I cut myself regularly to the point I have faded scars on my arm still. I have dreams about it somethings, I remember the pooling of the blood and the release. As well as the itchiness which was a pain in the ass. I’ve also started feeling sick, my hearts racing constantly, I have headaches daily, my stomach hurts, I’m dizzy. I don’t know what to do. I can’t talk to my parents because they dad had surgery recently and mums going through shit. I’m scared to call the crisis line. I feel alone. During third lockdown in the UK I’ve barely seen any other human being in person other then my parents and nephew. I’m scared.