I don’t know how to process this at all. I am diagnosed BPD with major depressive disorder and I have never came across this feeling ever. I feel so empty, fulfilled, massively sad, and happy all at the same time and I can’t take it anymore. I have accomplished way more than I have ever imagined and have just about everything I need in life but I have this underlying urge to just destroy everything and just make myself worthless. I think I just romanticize sadness and feeling worthless. I just want to be alone and not have to look at anything. Break my fucking phone and disappear because I think I might find nothing that is worth more than this nothing I have right now. Why am I never satisfied. I am off my meds because I thought it would help and I haven’t been to therapy in months. I need help so bad because this is about to become way worse….