I feel constantly depressed and almost always either fully or borderline suicidal.  But it’s all in my head.  I don’t look sick.  I don’t act depressed.  I get up at a semi reasonable hour.  I do what I have to do.  I’m productive and spend time being active and with my family.  

I don’t cut or starve myself.  Not anymore.  I’m not hungry most days but I still eat.  I always look tired but not tired enough for it to be a problem.  

So it’s all in my head.  I have such a privileged, amazing life.  Everything bad about it is my own fault.  I act like a normal person, but inside i feel either horrible or nothing. 

Sometimes I wish I were actually sick.  That people would notice and care.  That I would get help.  That everything would eventually be over.  That everyone would understand that im not ok.  

Is this wrong?