Tomorrow morning I get my first blood draw. I don’t really know what to expect but I’m paranoid of people so I don’t really like the idea of getting blood tests every week. Can’t believe it’s been two years since covid. It’s been 1.5 years since my dog got spayed but I feel like it might’ve traumatized her for life. Today she looked so scared to see the vet I just feel heartbroken. I want to buy her some chicken wings and roast duck. She’s very smart and sensitive and can be sassy. I always thought I would get my life together but it never happened. I want to have a decent life again but it feels like people are falling sick left and right not just due to covid. Idk, it’s not that I don’t empathize but that I don’t really know much about Hell or Heaven. Sometimes I just want to get the human world right like step up, get married, move to the new house, have a decent social life, etc. I do often get delusions that the world is supernatural but I don’t understand it. I feel like any sanity I bought with clozapine is going to be temporary and one day I will probably start spiraling again. I hurt myself earlier this week and am afraid a scratch on my neck will turn into a scar.