I'm not satisfied with anything in life. I don't seem to get joy out of anything. Even when I go out and want to be surrounded by people, I still feel lonely.

I've made attempts on my life before, but none worked. Instead, I'm kind of hoping for an accident. Like getting run over, walking into the wrong neighborhood and getting shot, or getting into a fatal car crash. Sometimes I don't look both ways before crossing the street. Or I drive and close my eyes for a few seconds.

I really don't know what I'm going to do. I want to live, but I also don't?