I'm interested to know how do people feel and experience depression in their own unique ways.

From my understanding the typical depressed person feels empty, has trouble taking care of themselves, has trouble working towards goals, feeling like being stuck in the same place without a purpose, has troubles deriving any joy out of things they enjoyed before, etc.

I want to find out if what I'm experiencing is depression or normal emotions because I honestly can't tell and I feel like if I read what you guys who know what depression is like, I'll be able to understand my self better. I don't have anyone else to talk to about this kind of stuff.

My experience feels kind of like waves, sometimes completely random and sometimes predictable. It feels like my emotions aren't even in my control most of the time. Like I may be reliving the exact same day as I did many times but my reaction to things drastically changes simply depending on how I woke up that day. Some days I get super easily irritated and can't seem to derive joy or satisfaction from anything, just waiting till I can drink some beer and sleep. Some other days I feel like no matter what happens I can't not be happy. When I was younger I thought "hey is this that bipolar thing I heard of" but quickly realized that my mood shifts are far too quick for bipolar and I haven't experienced anything like Mania so there's no way. But this isn't exactly depression too, because depression usually lasts at least 2 weeks in a row (according to medical diagnosis).

I have never shared my feelings with anyone IRL, even my parents. I don't really know how to express my feelings or even how to identify them half the time so I'm get somewhat lost when trying to decipher these things. I hope this isn't too whiny, I'm just starting to feel tired of feeling like shit and being unable to do things I think are important.