I've been a mess for 4 or 5 months.

I've always been an overthinker and have a tendancy to jump to the worst conclusion. For this reason, I started turning to Reddit for advice in my personal life. A lot. Way too much. So much so that I've had multiple accounts suspended or banned for posting similar stuff over and over for help. I just don't trust myself or my judgment on *anything* anymore. I have no idea how many accounts I've made, could be as high as 60 in the last 5 Months? I sound so deranged.

The problems really started when I began thinking hard about bad stuff my boyfriend did in the past. My boyfriend has undiagnosed (but textbook and an online therapist agreed) OCD. I was terrified his OCD wasn't OCD and he was just a bad person/creep. It causes him extreme guilt if he doesn't tell me something bad/weird he did. I've heard all about incest porn he read as a teen,  the time he tried to steal someone's girlfriend so he could get sex (she had a huge crush on him) etc.  My boyfriend's OCD also makes him think disgusting, immoral sexual thoughts and it'll make him panic that he enjoys him. It's like torture for him and I often hear them. He also gets doubts about me/his feelings a lot. Sometimes he will confess these outright and they really hurt, sometimes I've cried. Other times he has this zoned out or pained expression and I just *know* he's hurting and when I ask he'll confess what doubt he has about me or disgusting sexual image/doubt. 

I have often acted like a hypocrite after he confesses his OCD thoughts. I get hurt by these images or thoughts and accuse him of faking his OCD and secretly being a monster because *if he really had OCD he would get help so he wouldn't hurt me anymore*. This is so abusive on my part and I'm ashamed. 

To try and cope with my fears he was a bad person or faking his OCD, I posted practically daily about whichever doubt/thought of his worried me most for reassuance. I did this so much I got suspended and kept making new accounts. All I wanted was reassuance my BF was just a good dude with OCD and he still loved me. I posted daily, often reposting the same question if I didn't get enough replies to feel "better". I even made 2 new Gmail accounts just to make more accounts for more reassurance.

I feel like I've gone so far and acted so toxic, I have to leave my BF and let him find a nice, normal person. I also feel terrified that I've acted so crazy no decent dude will ever want me after my BF, even if I get my crap together. Who could be happy with someone who acted as crazy as me.? All my posts are basically a betrayal for doubting my bf so much. I opened up a little during my first therapy session and the therapist said "ironically, I think you too have OCD. All this reassurnace seeking goes beyond normal anxiety". Should I just accept singledom forever at 21? Can I come clean to my BF &amp; try to continue this beautiful thing we once had or leave him alone?