There's a lot of things going through my mind over the past couple of months / year. From losing a loved one, to being abandoned, to having no job, and to being inside the closet. I live alone, and with all these inside my head, I can't help but pity myself for how things turned out for me. I'm trying my best to find happiness, but I can't seem to find my way. I go out with friends, sometimes, and I forget for a time. but it's kinda sad that I have to deal with this problem again when it is over.

People keep saying that I should look for a job, but they don't know the pressure it is giving to me. I graduated from a prestigious university, with good grades and all, but I am no longer confident of the technical knowledge I've acquired, for I haven't been practicing my field for such a long time now. I didn't quite enjoyed my profession when I was working. But I want to work, to earn. That is a fact. But I don't know what kind of work would give me joy anymore.

It is tough living alone. Some say that I should go out and meet new people / find a special someone. I wish it was that easy. haha. I am not really that good looking to begin with. and that alone is already a challenge. I miss being IN love. I don't care anymore if I find love with the same sex or not. But I am not open to share it to people who know me yet.

A few friends know my pain, but only a part of it. I want to share them all, so I could ease these burdens, but I am so afraid of being judged and belittled.

I have not been clinically diagnosed with depression, but I am somehow hoping that this platform could shed me some light, for it has been really dark for me lately.