Hello everyone. I am super sorry for the long post but it’s gotten to the point where I have to say something. Being a single dude in my 20s makes me want to die.

My girlfriend and I broke up and it was really for the best because she was emotionally manipulative towards me constantly, but I knew she has a lot of past trauma so I tried really hard to be patient with her. Well, when I went to her place after the breakup and slept over because we talked about getting back together. 

Well, I caught her texting a guy she was seeing and sleeping with while she was in bed with me, and we had a huge argument about it later that night because she lied to me about it to my face. Now before you get upset, I get she was single and can make her own choices that’s not what I was upset about. I was upset because we were talking about getting back together and she lied to my face about it and texted this guy all night while I was there. She had gotten mad at me over being around other girls after we broke up and even yelled at me when she saw me with female friends once. Now as an adult I’m willing to admit I should never yell at anyone and I’m ashamed for getting so upset. But she told me that I was a terrible person and a piece of shit for talking to her like that and that I was no different from her other past boyfriends who were terrible to her and she regretted the relationship (of 8 months). Among other really hurtful things she said. 

Well that left me heartbroken. I was insanely sad but I understood that space was good and so when she blocked me on social media I completely got the message and wanted to respectfully give her space. She reached out a week later and wanted to talk on the phone so I agreed and I immediately just wanted to apologize for raising my voice at all because it’s never something I do with people I care about. She did not apologize for any of the things she said and told me that’s how she felt in the moment so the statements were justified. She told me she doesn’t take them back at all. 

She told me further that her and her family lost a great deal of respect for me. (I don’t know where her family comes into this). And that the guy she was texting was just her friends with benefits and she wanted me to know that I wasn’t getting in the middle of anything serious. Well that of course also made me feel awful because well yea who the hell wants to hear that, and I’m fairly certain she said it to quell her own fears about looking like a shitty person and to brag to me she’d moved on. 

I ended the conversation near then and respectfully and politely said if we’d like to be friends she can’t say things like she said or be in my face about her new love life. Fast forward a month from then and about a month ago from now. She calls me and gets insanely upset with me because she thought I was sending her rude messages from a new phone. Of course I wasn’t because thats so incredibly low and she knows that is never something I would even consider doing because it’s absurd. She then apologized for getting upset with me once she realized how absurd it all was, and then told me she just had to check because it wasn’t her friends with benefits either. I stopped her and said I didn’t want to hear about that. Then I proceeded to healthily block her in everything until I got a message on Facebook messenger which I forgot to block her on getting mad at me for blocking her. I told her I needed space and to reflect on everything and she got mad and told me to have a nice life, but it was really in the tone of “have a shitty life”

Well jokes on her I already do lol. Take that. But anyways yea so I’ve been single now for four months and my confidence is on the floor. Having match after match on hinge and tinder leading to ghosting, one time dates with no mutual connection or interest, and just feeling unwanted, unloved and lonely hurts. Especially knowing she’s probably out there after everything that happened being able to interact as easily as she wants in the dating world as a girl. 

I’m borderline ready to end it. I just simply don’t know what to do or how to fix my life. And I know what the comments are gonna say “you have to learn to be happy for yourself first!” You ain’t wrong. But like I feel so hurt and played by this whole situation that I can’t move on at all and it’s killing me. Lost sleep, the occasional good shower cry, I’m even listening to Coldplay. 

I know there are some jokes sprinkled in here and there but seriously I’m unwell and I am so desperate for help or human connection that I have turned to Reddit. Men aren’t allowed to talk about their feelings, they don’t get compliments, single guys just float around aimlessly until someone comes along again. But until then I don’t know how much longer I can float.

TLDR: bad breakup, ex girlfriend was emotionally manipulative, bragged about her FWB, OP is lonely and can’t cope with being unwanted on dating apps like a loser