Rant ahead ,trigger warning, every aspect of my life has been a struggle ,my cries for help are just ignored.
I am gay is a largely homophobic country ,people have been bullying me so long for not being "masculine enough" ,i am still in closet but people call me gay slurs and stuff ,this scares me.
My family isn't ideal as well , my father cheated on my mom and their marriage is almost done ,they fight all the time and they don't understand that it affects me alot , especially since the whole online schooling thing , due to his affair i never really had a father figure in my life as well , i want my mother to leave him and live her life but she won't do so cause she wants to take care of her kids ,it makes me guilty to even exist. 
 I don't have any friends as such as well, my so called bestfriend just blocked me straight up for an year without giving me a valid reason ,he came back in my life but he is not the same old caring friend ,it kind of hurts me everytime when I chat with him to see from what we were to what we became ,we pretend like that one year never existed ,Other than him i have two other close friends but one of them has her own problems and i don't want to bother her and the other guy is never serious ,even tho i have friends i feel lonely .
I am insecure about my looks and my underweight body , people just pick on me cause i am skinny and not as strong as them.
I was also groomed by a guy in his late 20s when I was 14 , it was all online but i was naive back then , i know it's my fault and i feel he exploited my insecurities and manipulated.
With all this going on in my life i have too much academic pressure as well , people expect straight A's from me while I can't concentrate on anything , no one cares and that hurts.
I also attempted sucide , obviously it failed , my mom knows about it , she cried a lot and that's the only reason I am alive , i don't want to hurt my mom anymore , she is seeking therapy and me asking for help won't be ideal in the current situation , i feel helpless , nothing in my life is under my control ,i am just 17 and for sure the people who care now won't care about me when I turn 18 this year , i have been waiting for things to get better but it has already been years and i am slowly losing hope ,at this point my friends also think i am doing and saying all this for attention or i am just the depressed guy.