I'm 18m. When I was 14 I started sexting online with older men(20-50) I liked the attention and they knew how old I was, at the time I didn't know but I think I am bisexual. 


I got into my first relationship at 15 and I carried on sexting with older men. At the time I didn't see it as cheating because it was anonymous and purely digital , this is not an excuse and quite frankly looking back I'm disgusted I thought this way. A little after my 16th birthday I confessed to my ex what I did and she was angry, heartbroken and distraught. She tried her best to still make things work but I was depressed and I had no motivation and eventually she left me. 


Now I want to make it clear I don't speak to this girl anymore and I don't have feelings for her. The new girl I have in my life is perfect and I want to tell her what I did but I am so scared to lose her, even if I deserve too. 


I just don't know what to do. I am filled with extreme anxiety every single day and I still lack motivation. I try my hardest to be the best person I can now. I'm trying to get a volunteer job, I turned vegan, I try my hardest to help my friends/girlfriend get through difficult times. But my brain tells me I'm only doing these things to try and make me feel less guilty. 


Ive always been for recreational drug use but I have found myself using more and more recently. And I relapsed on cocaine after almost a year off it. 


I don't know if I deserve to be happy. I've confessed to friends what I did and they say I do. But they probably just say that because they are my freinds