I was 15 and grew up with an extremely abusive father. Name calling, choke holds, punches you name it, all were done to me by my father. It got worse as I entered junior high and he’d choke me til I would nearly pass out, this is when I discovered weight lifting and MMA. I got extremely bulky in high school 215lbs~ and skilled in MMA that I could fend off my fathers attacks (he started to stop the regular abuse bc I was almost twice his size now although the verbal abuse continued). At the time, my outlet was picking on this skinny coloured kid that I didn’t know too well but I knew he was a somewhat loser with no friends and weighed around 120lbs. One of my friends in my friend group began picking on him by calling him the n word whenever he saw him, I then learned this ticks him off so I began antagonizing him calling him that whenever I saw him and would even message him on Facebook calling him that. I got under his skin one day at school and called him the n word and said what he’d do about it then when he retaliated I body slammed him and put him in a professional head lock (similar to one my father puts me in) as he screamed to let him go I continued to squeeze him then let him free and he ran away. I messaged him on Facebook the same day apologizing (I didn’t mean it - another bad trait I got from my father) and he accepted.

This continued for 1.5 years and I had my friend record him being chocked out by me and shared it with others. I assaulted him again not long after by following his one friend and embarrassing him by revealing what I had done to him in school to lure him in to go for round 2 and he accepted. I kicked him a few times, punched his head then lifted him in the air with his feet vertically in the air and slammed him then punched his head again. 

I apologized to him 3 years ago and he accepted my apology but said "don’t think that makes us friends you do you and I’ll do me". I wished him well but I can’t get through what I did to him, I was my father and I hate to accept it. Idk why I’m writing this but I’ve been feeling like sh*t ever since I apologized to him. I wish I could take it all back.