I realize that at this point I dont want to "get better". I don't want to get my shit together, learn something new, eat healthy or whatever other thing to improve. I just want my life to come to an end. I want to run away from home and just drive off somewhere before finally ending my life. Death seems like the only solution for me and it's so fucking peaceful I want it. Why improve when i can just end it all and not deal with life right? Fuck me I hope I get the courage to just end it all. 

Sorry for this I needed to vent.