I always feel like I'm on the outside looking in, I hold a job a managerial position albeit in fast food but I'm proud. Everyone loves that I'm a joker, a messer and I'm there like guys I'm dead. I feel numb like I'm watching myself on the silver screen. Bpd is exhausting I'm constantly tired telling myself how I'm suppose to feel and how to act in ordinary life. My idea of heaven is a place called the 24/7 bar, a bar with no hangovers endless supply of my fave whiskey and beer and the people I never got enough time with..I think of it every day..life is just hard who else feels that