I'm not normally the type of guy that speaks out about my feelings as I do not think I have anyone close to me who I trust with these thoughts. I try to act happy and try to smile alot with friends and family around and act tough but deep down I am hurting quite a bit. 

I just want to post this here to rant a bit and hopefully clear up my mind a tiny bit. I don't think that at the end of all this it will make any sense but atleast I got my word out. 

As a child I was bullied for many years and that pretty much brought my confidence to a non existent level. That, my weight and my appearence (losing hair) is really hurting my confidence even further than I thought was possible. I am trying to get back up on two feet, this year I started my own business doing what I love but because of all the negative comments from my mom every time I invested my own pay into supplies and gear and people around me it pretty much ruined my motivation to continue it. Comments like "how about you stop spending money and start earning some" even though, what I am buying are the essentials for performing the service I want to do. And not once but every single time an order comes in. I earn a decent income and I spend about 300/500 euro's a month getting the supplies and essentials for the business. So its not like I am spending money I don't have or I am spending my entire salary. 

I joined Tinder last year hoping to find someone to spend time with. Go do stuff with, but everytime I get excited I finally get a match but then get no response back and be unmatched a few days later. I even spend quite a bit of money on boosts and gold but with no success. So every night I lay alone in bed with a heartache of loneliness and that is probably the worst thing I am going throught right now. 

I also recently started going to the gym again to see if I can lose some weight but as I am overweight my back hurts almost 24/7. So it almost feels like everything that I do is being sabotaged. Because of my anxiety I switched to a very quiet gym that pretty much noone of my age goes to so hopefully that will make it so I can try and continue working out for a bit longer. 

I live with my parents and during arguments with my mom she tells me to move out even though I got nowhere to go as I can't afford to rent anything or let alone buy anything. So it feels like I am trapped in a house where I am not really wanted. 

I hope everyone here who is going through tough times will recover from it and come out stronger than ever. If there is anyone who wants to talk to someone I am more than happy to listen if that helps you in any way. I am not a reddit user so I do not know if that is even possible but just putting the option out there. 

I am sorry if you read the entire thing, English is not my first language. 

Cheers!