I hope this is the place for this. My mom goes to her boyfriends place and every time she goes she rarely picks up my calls and she does it on purpose it’s like as soon as she goes there I know I’m not gonna hear from her much she says she’s only gonna stay for the weekend then doesn’t come back till a week later and I  wouldn’t be so upset about it if she would just communicate instead of dodging my calls. He used to live with us he only moved out a year ago after a big blowup and I thought that was finally it she was gonna end it with him after years of dealing with him (He’s been in our life since I was 2) but no..I know it’s irrational but every time she goes to him I feel betrayed and her ignoring me when she’s with him only makes it worse I think that’s where my fear of abandonment issues come in and I start going back and forth between being angry and suicidal (I know it’s irrational) when she stays with him it’s like she’s saying she doesn’t care about what he put me through, he was an abusive alcoholic who used to hurt her, he’s a big part of the reason why I’m so screwed up..I would say I don’t like him and she would say “why do you hate him so much” like it’s not obvious why,like she completely forgot. She left to his place last Friday and said she would be back the next day but didn’t come back till Wednesday it’s brought these feelings back and I’m so mad and upset I usually just forgive her when she comes back because I missed her so I let it go but I can’t do that anymore..at first she kept saying she was sorry and groveling but then yesterday she completely switched up and was just being cold and on the phone mocking how I feel it’s like she never really cared that I was upset she was just pretending. I try to do everything for her so feels supported and doesn’t feel like she has to be with him but it’s all for nothing she only cares about him and I’m done feeling inadequate i feel so sad but I can’t talk to anyone about it especially not her I just wanna leave I don’t have the cash move out but I just wanna get far away from here she just constantly makes me feel invalid like what I’m feeling is ridiculous. I’m 19 now I shouldn’t be so attached to her I need to leave and get on with my life..i think I’ve just been building up this anger for so long idk maybe I am being ridiculous and I’ll just delete this whole thing