Hi, I am coming to this subreddit because I am truly at the end of my rope(no play on words). I dont know if depression is the right word for what i'm experiencing, but i'm very close to ending my life because i simply cannot go on with the "perceived" suffering that is effecting me day in and day out. background: I am a 21 year old man, I have been struggling with my appearance my entire life, being overweight with an truly ugly face, being treated with strong and high doses of antidepressant and mood stabilizing medication and my parents telling me that I'm not ugly/ overweight etc and its all in my head. Well I can assure you, it is not all in my head. I ended up working very very hard and losing about 100 lbs of weight. i ended up with an average body, but obviously this did not help with my face with a large protruding nose, very weak jaw, overbite and just ugly looking face in general. It is enough to notice a big difference in how ppl treat me and respect me vs others, even my siblings. This is enough to push me over the edge alone to be honest, but there is more. I have sleep apnea from my jaw issues, I am always tired and don't ever feel rested. Also, I have recently discovered that i have scoliosis, and it is preventing me from working out the way i enjoy or participating in sports i like. I have hip and back pain somewhat constantly, especially when working. My family who i love very much, tells me frequently that i have body dysmorphia and discounts my feelings about my looks or health issues. It is very difficult, as they are the only ones i have in my life for various reasons. I think my brother, however can see I am ugly strange looking etc., and i can just tell by the look on his face how depressing it must to have me be his sibling. I do not believe suicide would fix my problems at all, but rather the option of existing this way seems much too great of a task. I know there are people who have things much much harder than i do. I have been through drug addiction, and going to rehab and sober living, thinking all my problems are addiction. It made me fall even harder i think to realize it wasnt:(((  I honestly dont want to keep living, but my deep love for my family and protective feeling of my little bother stops me from following through. Im starting to feel maybe It would just be better for everyone if I just ended thing here as I do not see any likely way things would get better. I feel absolutely trapped. I am too numb to cry honestly. Living is a chore, and it really shouldnt be. I spent most of my teen years crying, and realized it doesn't accomplish anything and generally makes you feel better for a very limited period of time. I might just cry though now honestly. If you have any questions i will try to answer.