Today I kept hallucinating wine smells after picking out a Champaign color for the new house’s walls. I’m wondering if it’s too upscale for a middle class family like ours. My mom and I were in Honolulu today to watch the sunset and I realize I look kind of chubby right now in the photos but at the same time I feel I just want to be healthy first. My friend hung out yesterday and I feel bad she has to move to Las Vegas. I also wouldn’t mind joining some kind of activity but my psychosis and negative symptoms prevent that from happening. I get really bad fatigue after a long day. I still have some urges to go shopping but it’s a dead end road and I’m trying to save money for the house. I feel like after my friend leaves, all I will have are my family and the house and the dogs. My friend seems to have problems as well though less so than me. She has some mania and looked put out when I saw her. Everything seems like a mess right now and sometimes it feels beyond repair.