The last three days, my partner keeps triggering me on purpose. 

Saying I’m lazy, I’m crazy, “you’re toxic just like your mom when she divorced your dad”, being annoyed at every little thing I do (he has misophonia, got angry because my phone touched his arm and it was too cold and he doesn’t understand how this keeps happening).

I’m not perfect. Definitely not. I get really mad in these types of situations because I tell someone I reached my limit and they keep going or downplay it (“oh come one, you know I didn’t mean it like that). And I suffer from depression and rely on him a lot right now. But I went to therapy to better our relationship. I have no idea how long it’ll take before I get “better” or if I ever even will get better. 

I just don’t understand why he keeps hitting my triggers like this and when I get mad, he says it’s all a joke and nothing’s wrong: “Why are you so angry all the time, I was just playing”. I explained multiple times that I don’t like these “jokes”, he apologizes and understands in sensitive to it and it won’t happen again. Until a couple of hours later. He even hit me in the face by accident and sometimes charges at me like he’s going to do something to me but when he sees I get scared, he says: “omg, are you really scared I am going to hit you? You know i’d never do that”. Mine you, I come from a broken hone where domestic violence occurred regularly. 

I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to leave my bed or open my curtains today. I just want him to love me and see me do better instead of being hurt.