I just feel so alone. All the time. 

I hold back from talking to anyone when I’m upset. Sometimes I can be upset in a normal way and in that situation I will speak of it, otherwise I find it better to keep it to myself. 
I am more than aware of how unhealthy and extreme I can be in a situation that upsets me too much, and so because of that, I am able to recognize when to remove myself in one way or another. 
It genuinely upsets people to hear how I feel and what it makes me think, so at all costs, I try to prevent myself from oversharing. My father and sister mean more to me than any other family, I know that they would never judge me about anything. When I share with them I swear I can hear the weight crush them. 
My boyfriend always lets me speak without judgement but because he happens to be non reactionary and non inquisitive and non interested, it seems pointless. It’s similar to saying something just to hear yourself say it. 

I have friends and none of them are an FP. I have healthy and normal relationships with all 4 of them. I don’t know if the Long Distance aspect has anything to do with that. I can control when we interact verbally or personally so I never have to speak about anything crazy deep. 

I try to fit my life into my “good days” and hide on the bad ones. When I’m happy, I don’t need anyone though, I prefer my own company.  When I’m having a bad day, I need someone to understand me but I know it would be difficult to achieve that so I don’t want anyone. 

I just don’t even. What am I supposed to do? I cannot imagine a version of my life where I don’t feel isolated, by choice or otherwise.