It's been insightful but I'm still digesting the content. I think the most prominent part of the book is re-emphasizing that you cannot change a person with BPD or "fix" them. I thought I had a firm grasp of this but I catch myself once in a while when my boyfriend reiterates to me that logic isn't enough to deescalate a feeling he has. So I've been spending my time trying to get the hang on validating his feelings and working with him to help minimize the intensity of it. 

My partner and I are both late blooming adults. We both grew up in an environment that had us unprepared for the adult world. The only difference is that I had the chance to break away from home when I left for college. It was daunting and it took a while to get a hang of learning new things. 

My partner is finishing up school while at home and he feels trapped and suffocated by the environment he's in. We want to live together at some point but rent, bills, and living on your own is a new level of daunting for him. I don't make enough to support the both of us and I don't know if I ever will as I have a load of student loans to take care of. But I also don't want him to be trapped there. 

Every once in a while we spend a week at a friend's house to babysit their cat when they're on vacation or we stay at his house when his family goes on vacation. I've noticed that he has a hard time with taking care of himself so I ended up taking the brunt of cleaning, cooking, and helping him stay on top of important tasks. 

I don't think it's feasible for me to be the only one in charge of these things as I have a full-time job on my hands with two other side jobs. 

He's always willing to help me when I ask him to do certain/specific things but he loses confidence in doing them when I'm not with him. He's heavily effected by the outcome of his doing. If he tries to cook a meal on his own and it comes out wrong, he takes it extra hard and it'll ruin his mood/makes him think it's not worth doing on his own. 

I think it's fine if we're together and we sit down to work on a task together but there are personal things that I won't be able to keep track with him all the time as I have to focus on my work and my personal stuff as well. He has a difficult time keeping track of appointments, school stuff, and sometimes self-care. 

The book states that I can't change or help him to be able to do these things on his own and that I'll have to change myself by accepting that I'll be the one in charge of these things as long as we're together. 

Can I get an opinion on this or advice on how to approach helping him be more confident in his skills?