Well, here goes my title. I was wondering if anybody here can resonate with me, is somebody else still optimistic, atleast partly? I cannot accept that I'm depressed, even though I get the same diagnosis from different doctors. Most of the time I feel like I am faking being happy, and also faking being depressed. English is not my first language by the way.
See, I wonder if someone who reads this went through something similiar and got better. 
Because I always feel like I'm on the verge of getting better, always so close but then it falls apart again. My depression is recessive, so maybe at some point it can just stay good for good. Who knows? 
But I've been thinking that for atleast 5 years now, and I feel like only the outer circumstances changed, my messy thoughts didn't. I can't even finish one sentence in my head, which could be adult ADHD but I won't talk about that, Bots don't come at me. 

I think I will leave it at that first,
any thoughts?