I really dont know what to say i feel sad and i feel that people dont like me i mean they like me but its not the love like or best friend kind of like...

My parents were drug addicts they died a long time ago i never knew what is to have a mother or a father i never received any kind of love when I was a child i just got bullied arround by other kids in school... I always felt hated ,mistreated, worthless, ignored and many other things a child should never feel or hear cause in some occasions some parents dint let their children play with me cause I was the son of some drug addicts... 

I'm 27 now I'm handsome, intelligent, polite friendly and funny (all-around interesting person everything said by many people that know me) bu I can't hold friendships or relationships I always push people away from me i dont know why it's like something subconscious is happening... I live alone I don't have any kind of emotional support someone to talk about this problem I'm having (no one ever gives me any sine of affection) I'm no one's first choice 

I have a family but I wasn't raised with them (so I'm not has the family has my other cousins) they are a little bit ignorant but they know I have some kind of problem you know  I'm not much of a talker or smile alot ... they say I'm crazy and some think I hate them i don't know how to show them I like them I never "trade" these kind of feelings with anyone...

I just want to cease to exist and delete the memories everyone has of me from their heads... I feel cold lonely and hopeless I lost my job last month I have no money left running out of food cant pay rent I will have to leave by the end of the month... 

I try to sheer up and post stuff online yesterday I was roasted by multiple people online and it was pretty funny actually but today is one of those days..

If you got this far I want to thank you for taking your time I just want to put this out it's agonizing not having anyone to share this pain or to have a friend (someone to atleast give you a pat in the back and say it's gona be okay) thank you once again and I'm sorry...