

I need help but I don’t think it will do much if I did. I hate burdening the people I care about irl+ they wouldn’t understand. So I go online to talk to people, they seem to care but I guess my problems are too much to talk about after a short while. Please could someone actually care I need it so badly. Can I just vent to someone here please 🙏

I’m such a messed up person. I have always been since I was younger I’m (16 right now). Just a long list of abnormal thoughts and behaviours/actions. especially aggression that I’ve somewhat managed to get a grip on. I’ve done so many times I just can’t forgive myself for, I hate myself more than anything in existence.I want to die but I’m afraid of the consequences. To make things worse I am fat and ugly.

 I can’t talk to anyone about it because they’d hate me and also might trigger them. I can be sort of a hypocrite but I only do it out of care and wanting better for others. Although I don’t treat people badly in general. Unfortunately therapy is unavailable to me and I’d be to paranoid to open up as they would have to inform my parents etc. I am undiagnosed but I do seriously believe I suffer from adhd and bpd. I can’t concentrate at school or when studying my mind wanders severely and it’s so frustrating because it makes me not to remember or revise effectively even when I do manage to do something. Also my motivation has gone down so much I’d say I’m burnt out but I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to last this long. 

I’m obsessed with sex despite being a virgin. Being horny all the time and thinking about sex too much which also distracts me and is sort of a comfort thing. Sexuality~ confused. I am very self-aware and cognisant in retrospect but I simultaneously act very impulsively, mainly when it comes to things of sexual nature. I find it hard to control my emotions and feel very strongly. 

So all of this distresses me on an insane level and I’m in mental pain all the time, I can be happy occasionally but never having joy (if u get me?) I don’t want to bring anyone down because at the end of the day apart from faulty genetics it is my fault that I am going through all this. My unproductiveness increases as my mental state declines and it’s becoming a bit noticeable in my grades and to my parents. I am trying my best to do better but I’m just not successful and am loosing all my energy.


TL;DR- I am fucked up degenerate with loads of mental issues and many bad decisions. I hate myself. I need help but it feels hopeless. I just want peace and to be 100% loved. Not that I deserve it lol 

[16F] this shit hurt to write please be respectful and give advice 🙏🙂 Anyone relate? I hope not lol