I am a 30 yr old male and I have a problem with sleeping. For background information I have been diagnosed with ADHD (Twice), OCD, Major Depressive Disorder (Twice), and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (4 times)

 I have an obnoxiously specific night routine that I usually follow. The best way I can describe it is that I am, first, confronted with the idea of going to bed (while incredibly sleepy), get anxious, then distract myself with video games. Then, I reach an "oh shit" point (after looking at the clock), spurring me to my bed. During this build up to the "oh shit moment", I take Kratom from 6-10 as a means of self  treating myself for the regular (every) day anxiety I experience, just so I can enjoy some games with friends. After we get offline and I retreat back into my tomb, my routine has been taking Kava at 10:30 until 1:00 AM. I then have a cocktail (measured for 1 standard drink) and start getting ready to bed. 

During this whole process, I am checking in with myself, "still anxious?". Because I know the feeling of not being anxious. I know the feeling of sitting in the middle of a field under a large tree, while the wind blows ever so gently. I know the feeling of arriving to a place so familiar that any weight you have been carrying slumps to the floor and you can finally be you. I know the feeling of watching snowfall out the window while you are curled up with a new mystery book in front of the fire, your cat purring on your lap blissfully at peace. 

I do not feel that way. 

I have felt that way before, but that is not how I feel before bed.

So, after the cocktail, I go back up to my room and take Zaleplon (cue interactions comments). My thought process is that if I take the Z 30 minutes before getting into bed, I will be able to make food (which I feel like I have to eat to sleep, it's weird) and ice cream, which will give me just enough time to turn on a show and smoke a Delta-8 pen. Most nights I actually play on a handheld gaming device as well, just for some low level stimulation. I also bring another 1 serving drink or just Kava up to bed, in case I wake up in the middle of the night. 

After eating the ice cream and watching the show, I turn over and hit the brix. However, sometimes I worry like "oh did I forget this" and "oh I took enough of that right?", even to the point where I was just falling asleep, realized I had not eaten ice cream that night, jumped out bed and went downstairs and ate ice cream just to satisfy that anxious part of my brain. 

And, inevitably, I wake up pretty groggy, which leads me to maybe take naps during the day or sleeping in, which leads to the "oh shit" moment and the hamster wheel keeps spinning.

I know this is a long post, but where do I even start?