I desperately want to take medication for my anxiety. But my anxieties have anxiety and I've never been brave enough to take any. I'm 29 and I've given up on trying any. 

But I have two very young children, 2.5 and 9 months and I need to do something. I am so tired of living everyday afraid I'm going to drop dead and leave my babies orphans. (Even though I'm married and they wouldn't be.)

My therapist of 5 years decided to stop accepting insurance the same month my second was born, so im sure a lot of this is residual PPD/PPA. But while seeing her I never needed meds. But I can't afford $200/week. 

As a teenager I was an agoraphobic. It took me years to be able to drive down the street. I've been a stay at home mom for 2 years now and I can feel myself falling back into that state. I never want to go anywhere unless someone else is with me. (In case I drop dead 🙄.)

I have an appointment with a new therapist tomorrow but I'm worried she won't be able to help me fast enough. I waited way too long to find someone else. 

I dont know why I'm writing this. I'm struggling so bad right now, my kids deserve better than this. 😭