I’ll probably feel weird and delete this later but I’m having a moment of weakness. 

Soon I’ll have to contact an attorney regarding her. And I just can’t believe it has come to this. 

She always thought I was cheating on her and normally took the anger out on herself. But the most recent time, she put me in danger and I just collapsed and never spoke to her again.  I never felt so broken.  I didn’t think it much mattered anyway, because she had been talking to a guy behind my back, and ended up moving in with him immediately after she kicked me out for “cheating” :/  she tried to contact me a few times, being mean, and I just couldn’t bring myself to respond. 

I bought her a car and paid off her credit card debt. The deal was that she would pay me back monthly $500. She always had. Never missed a payment for years.  But now? She hasn’t paid. She blocked and deleted me and just moved on with another man. 

Im just venting.  I wonder how she gets in that car everyday, knowing she’s left me with tens of thousands of her debt, gets in bed with another man, and is ok with it all.  I never thought she was a monster, and I still don’t. Somewhere deep in me I feel she is also hurting from her behavior, and soon she will get a letter from the attorney. 

How did I lose my best friend, my partner, of 3 years, that quickly.  

It’s all just unfathomable to me. I know I can’t go back, I know she’s moved on, but nights like this I wish it were all just a bad dream.