I was in a great mood 10 minutes ago. Then my bf says he's going over to a friend's house to hang out with some buddies and drink and gamble. He invites me to come with. I decline, even though it sounds fun. Because I just know my stupid fucking brain is just gonna ruin my mood while I'm there and ruin my time. Being around people makes me feel so god damn alone these days. I feel like I don't belong anywhere, like a burden everywhere I go. I don't want to be around anyone anymore it just reminds me how depressed and damaged I am. I just wanna disappear forever I am so broken. While my bf is drinking and having fun with his friends, I could be there having fun with him, instead I'll be home crying alone in bed wishing I was dead.