I was diagnosed with anxiety two years ago and in very few situations has it actually affected my daily life until now. I haven't dated in years, and the primary reason for this is that I have always been too nervous to actually ask a person to go out. I've always considered it too big of a risk, and unfortunately, my experiences this week have proven this notion correct and it is absolutely gut wrenching. 

There was this kind young lady at my work who seemed to be shy but very kind. She would always smile at me when she saw me, and we were always very friendly with each other. One day, as she was leaving the workplace, I got the nerve to ask her out. There were so many risks to this, I could lose my job as fraternization wasn't allowed due to the nature of the job. She could be in a relationship, and I had no clue weather she was or not. I really did not want to be seen as the creep of the workplace and that affected my nervousness as well. She said she was interested and she gave me her phone number. 

She never really responded to texts, and sometimes I don't either so I really did not think too much of it. So the next time we worked at the same time, we worked out that I would pick her up from her place yesterday evening. She always was engaged with me in person. If I wouldn't have scheduled this, I would have probably gone out of town yesterday, but a waited in town all day until about an hour before the scheduled meeting time, and I got ready. I showered, shaved, etc. Basically all the stuff you do before a first date. About 30 minutes before the scheduled time, I text her for the address. About at the time I was supposed to get her, I just sent a message that said "Hello???", and no response. I also called and got no answer. I go back into my apartment and just sit down staring at the ceiling for a while.

About an hour or so later, I get a text from her, saying "Hey sorry I forgot, and I went to a relatives birthday party". So I responded to her saying it was no big deal and that I could get her later, or she could stop by my apartment on the way home. No response. I call her one more time and you get the picture. I leave it alone at that point because what could I possibly make better. My day was ruined and it really crushed me. I just wanted some semblance of closure at that point. 

I decided before I went to work today, that I wasn't going to put in anymore effort if she was not going to, and I really hoped she wasn't working today and she was. I decided I would make it apparent to her that I was here (speaking to people on the walkie, and just be visible), but I wouldn't approach her and I was just hoping she would approach me, and if she didn't I would take the hint. She didn't approach me all day, and I didn't think it would affect me, but it absolutely has. I am short of breath, I am sweating profusely, and I just feel flat out embarrassed I ever put in effort in the first place. 

At this point, I just want closure, and I don't even care about the date, but I just want to tell her how I feel anxious and nervous, and that the way I was blown off really hurt. I want to tell her that I just want some honesty, and if you aren't ready for this, that is okay. I just want to know so I can stop thinking about it. Especially given how I am moving in a matter of months, I don't really have much to lose at this point, but that doesn't change the fact that I would not be vindictive. How should I approach her to have this conversation without coming off as combative or creepy? 

In addition, given how my notion of the risks of putting myself out there have proven true, how can I try to do it again at some point? I thought doing this would be confidence boosting but it really just destroyed me, that someone can be so disrespectful of my time and energy. Or maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt, and maybe she is just anxious, I don't know. 

Sorry if this is wordy, just needed to get this off my chest. Thank you.