TW: S/H

(Just to clarify: I’m a minor and the person I’m obsessed with is also a minor. We only know each other online.)

I don’t know if this is a normal thing or not, but I’m so in love with someone to an unhealthy degree. I’m not sure if there is a disorder or condition for this or I’m just crazy, so I’m asking here. 

I’ve known this guy for about three years now. I’ll call him S. 

S is a crush of mine, and also one of my exes. (We were a thing for 6 months until he quickly moved on from me.) I’m not even sure if he even cares about me, since he said one time he tried pushing me away, but I “don’t seem to budge.” So it’s nice to know he never wanted anything to do with me :) 

Now, S knows I like him, but said, and I quote, “You can like me if you want, but it’s not really going to get you anywhere.” So my chances of us being a thing again are INCREDIBLY slim; almost nonexistent. 

But recently I’ve been a little too obsessed. He’s my first thought in the morning, and my last thought when I fall asleep. He’s on my mind constantly, and he just won’t leave my mind. I’ve tried getting into hobbies to distract myself, but EVERYTHING reminds me of him. It’s been like this for months. I’ve even had thoughts of carving his name into my skin to show my love for him, and I haven’t acted upon it yet, but the urge to gets stronger each passing day. 

I was also extremely obsessed with my last ex, but not to this degree. My last ex and I dated for two years, so I’m concerned that it’s worse this time despite S and I being together for less time. 

I’ve told no one irl about this, because I don’t want to get put in a mental hospital or something. 

I also have extreme general anxiety and Maladaptive Daydreaming, so this doesn’t make it better either. 

I really don’t know what to do. Kinda at a loss here.