I came to my boyfriend about something that happened, something I unintentionally did and felt bad about but didn’t really want to continue worrying about. He proceeded to make me feel really bad about it and lay out the worst case scenarios about what could happen as a result of what I did. I was really really hurt by his response and the fact that instead of helping me feel better he made me feel worse. I really wanted to go all BPD on him and was so close to it, but instead, I remained calm. After taking some moments to collect my thoughts, I told him I was very hurt by his response. I explained I understood why he said what he did to try to make me realize the worst case scenario and the effects my actions could have on others even if it wasn’t intentional, as it used to be my go to response due to my low empathy, and is something I’ve tried hard to change. I calmly explained how what he said was not helpful and told him why.  My intention wasn’t to shame him for how he reacted, but instead explain the appropriate response and the response I need in situations like this. I’ve learned that unless you have a clock to turn back time and undo things, it’s not beneficial to anyone to shame them or make them feel worse for something. You don’t need to act as though they didn’t do anything, but more than anything people want support when they come to people. He understood, apologized and will work on it, and things went back to normal after that. 


I really value our relationship and it’s the only healthy relationship i’ve ever had, and I want that to continue. Over the years, I’ve lost so many people because of unhealthy communication and my BPD behaviors and I didn’t even realize it was that big of a problem until losing my best friends a few months ago because of it. It’s taken a lot for me to get to where I am, to be able to healthily communicate with my partner in a moment where im really upset instead of just resorting to my old bpd ways is HUGE for me. Instead of cutting him off, ignoring him, blowing up at him, spiraling, or anything else, I had a calm conversation and the problem was solved. This kind of thing is unprecedented for me and gives me hope that if i’ve been able to get to this point on my own without therapy, then with therapy I can’t even imagine how much better things will get. 

Thank you for listening!! Most other people don’t understand why this would be such a big deal so i just wanted to share this victory :)