*Disclaimer: This is not a self harm post. That's not an option I'm considering or consider an option, period.* So...

I try hard to wear the mask of positivity 
And present as the warm, bubbly man
The one that seeks to be vivacious; vibrant
Doing the best he can

I don the mask, my costume, my shield
Though it gets harder each day, wearing this disguise
My heart gets closer to being touched and tainted
As the flimsy paper barrier is soaked by dark gloomy skies

The mask is crumpled, weakened, so close to ruin 
And with every drop of heartache that rains from above
Paper gives way, fibers unable to hold strong  
The heart is hit, weakened, more and more afraid to love

I'm tired. That's a simple truth.
I want to be happy, and so I play my part.
Fake it until you make, that's the way it works.
Yet I can ignore the pain for so long, before I lose my heart.




Fuck, I'm tired. Tired of always losing. I want to win once. Just one win.

I try to be the best I can. I really do. And every time I fall down, I try my best to get back up. Brush myself off and try again. But when you fall so many times, the falls begin to hurt more and more. And it gets harder and harder to get up.

Until you're lying flat on your back again. Staring up at the sky, and wondering if it's even worth standing back up.

I'm lying on my back. Struggling to find the strength and courage to stand back up. Because I don't know how many falls I have left in me.