A quick summary of me: both my wife and I are in our 30s. We’ve been fostering for 7 years and have had about 35 kids. We became foster parents to give kids an emergency place to land - this was not a plan for us to grow our family. I never wanted to have kids. 

We’ve been fostering a kiddo for almost 2 years. I love her so much. She’s adorable and fits in our family so well. I can’t imagine sending her to live with a different family. 

But.

I’m scared to sign the adoption papers. I have a panic attack every time I think about it. I think it’s mostly fear of being trapped, but also fear of being abandoned (by her directly or the system). We don’t have a very large support network. 

Has anyone else struggled with commitment that comes from adopting (or even birthing) a child? Would love to hear what worked for you.