I know it's going to sound like an excuse not to go, but I'm being 100 percent serious when I say I don't know if therapy will ever work for me, bc I don't like most ppl. I mean, I like them in theory, like online, seeing how happy and interesting they seem, etc. But in person, as in having contact with them myself and/or forming a relationship.. My standards for communication, etc are so damn high, they're near impossible.

I keep thinking about going back to therapy for the first time in at least 4 years.. And I don't know if I can do it. I'm so worried I'll feel like I can't be honest with them, or open up to them for fear that they'll reject me, or seem disinterested, or not really listen, or have their own personal biases etc, and that it'll just ruin it for me or get in the way.

I know doctors are ppl too (duh), but I know myself and how I can get and I always just "ghost" everyone if I feel like they've slighted me or judged me in any way. 

And I'm worried a cis-male doctor will trigger my issues with my dad.. And yet, a cis-female doctor might trigger my issues with my mom.. It's silly, but it's all I keep thinking about.

I don't know what to do. Any thoughts on how to manage getting around therapists or doctors whose personality, etc you're just not that into? I obv need to go back lol, and I want to get help, so this is most likely going to be one of my first obstacles..