It's hard to clarify what I mean, but does anyone have this feeling that people do enjoy your company, find you funny, like you, etc. but only as long as you're at an arm's length? "You're great," but from a distance.

I have worked really hard on trying to balance being somewhat open and also being reserved. So I appear human and not like someone who hates themselves, is awkward, isn't actually interesting.... I don't overshare. I do my best to include others in conversations so they don't feel left out. I compliment others and it's all genuine. I try to boost others up. 

I'm having a good time and then one thing happens that makes it seem people are just being nice because they feel bad for me, like I'm someone pathetic or to be pitied. I have this delusion that I only graduated with honors because all my professors pitied me because I'll never have anything else going for me. I feel like there's something about my aura that is preventing me from getting any job. Like an invisible to me sign that says "woah we need to steer clear of this one."

I feel like an outsider I guess. But an outsider who kind of belongs? I don't know if that makes sense.