I don't want to bathe or feed myself. I don't want to pay my bills or work. I don't want to leave the house. I don't want to open my eyes to look at stuff. I don't want to expand my diaphragm so that my cells don't asphyxiate.

Nothing appeals to me anymore, and i'm not sure if i have the capacity to truly love and care for another person. I can't remember being okay with how my life was going since i was real little.

The only true passion i've ever had is music. And even that is becoming less and less interesting. I know that cool music exists, and i know i could write cool music if i wanted to because i have, and honestly that's enough for me now.

Im only 18, so people tell me all the time, "well you haven't even experienced enough to know if your life is gonna suck." But what if my life does suck? What if i still don't have any ambition? I mean i'm still gonna be depressed and anxious and ocd and whatever else, there's only so much i could do about that if i wanted. Besides, i've been like this for a while. You'd think with how many changes my life has undergone just in the past year that something would give.

I have no purpose on life. Nothing i want to accomplish. The only thing that has kept me alive is that rush of adrenaline i get when i try to kill myself. And one day that's not gonna stop me.