I listened through that episode, and realized that I have been horrible to my boyfriend—a tyrant, as Rose puts it. I feel incredibly guilty and ashamed, and am trying desperately to control the goblin in my brain that’s trying to convince me that the podcast is wrong and that I’m not doing anything wrong. I know I am, I want to get better, I want to stop hurting him.

I love him so much, I don’t understand why I’m like this and I want it to stop. I don’t know how to fix myself, and am so scared I’m never going to be able to, or that the goblin is going to win and I’ll sink back into the fog of denial.

If you’ve successfully stopped the behavior she details in the podcast [linked here](https://open.spotify.com/episode/0Vcbx9sfDdDDOPZMJa5zdU?si=WM6GGDRNQTuHPxZnMJu_vQ) any advice or words of encouragement would be so, so helpful. I asked my boyfriend to listen to it and I’m scared that he’s going to and is going to decide to leave me, but I did it anyway because I feel like it’s the right thing to do. I’m really not okay.