I lived in Hawaii for a couple years and had the most memorable times of my life there. I’ve never felt so alive before. I loved Oahu because of my friends that made me feel like someone who mattered. and just stepping outside into the island environment made me feel content. But I lived with my mom and stepdad and my relationship with them was very rocky. It got to a point where I would start wishing i lived with my dad in LA. Our fights were loud and we all said horrible things to each other. I love them, but it was hard for us to get along sometimes.

when it was clear we could not stand each other anymore, they sent me to live with my dad in LA. I thought at first it would be a fresh start and i’ll be happy there. But I was wrong. For the first time in my life, I experienced depression. The first night I flew in from the airport, I noticed I wasn’t hungry. The next day, i hadn’t eaten. The day after that, i didn’t either. I told myself it was nerves and it was okay. And then one night I found myself sobbing the hardest I ever had in my life. I didnt know where it came from, or what thought started it but all I felt was pain. And then I knew. I missed my home. And what hurt even more is that even if I ever can go back It won’t be the same because I would’ve been gone for too long. I am at a new school now and have made new friends but it still hurts so much. I would be having an okay day then when i remember what my life used to be like i’m fighting to not breakdown in the middle of class. It feels like there’s some dark hole in my chest. Like there’s this invisible gravity pulling you down and making you not get up. And i just want to be home so bad. Every second i’m alone or behind closed doors I start breaking down. I really don’t know what to do anymore.