I just want to be loved. I just want to help and love people who have it rough. I'm so sick of this disease taking control and drowning me in my emotions making me do things that have hurt others.

I started to hate myself after I had hurt people after my now ex-friends called me a manipulator, a monster, a creep. I tried so hard to be better and I think I've been doing a good job with some progress but they don't care. I'm still the same monster to them.

The hatred started to grow outward. It wasn't just for myself anymore, no. Now I've grown to feel fear and anger and hatred not just for me but for everyone else who isn't suffering like me. I keep it well hidden since I still want to love and help people over hate them, but sometimes I catch glimpses of those frauds and liars who claim they understand and want to help, but the moment it gets messy. THEY'LL ABANDON ME AND LEAVE ME TO FEND FOR MYSELF AND WHEN I BREAK IT'S ALL MY FAULT!? IT'S NOT FAIR THOSE LYING BASTARDS I'M TRYING SO HARD TO BE BETTER. I AM NOT A FUCKING MONSTER!