Wouldn’t the people who do that argue that they aren’t doing that? How do you know whether you are or aren’t? How are some (most?) people so confident that they are not using it as an excuse when it’s largely a subconscious thing? 

On the one hand, people are often quick to make a distinction between those people with everyday problems and those with serious mental illness. We often excuse and interpret the behavior of others differently based on whether or not they have a serious mental illness. A man in his 30s living in his basement, playing video games all day and not paying rent, even if it’s because anxiety and depression, seems like a man who never grew up and is taking advantage of his parents. If we later learn that man has autism or schizophrenia, we are suddenly going to be much more sympathetic and may even start seeing certain things this man does as feats to be proud of (like maybe he sells his artwork or helps take care of his parents). 

I’m not talking about someone who blatantly uses their bipolar or ADHD or whatever as an excuse for hurting other people, and who refuses to apologize or change or get therapy, etc. Or when someone explicitly says “X disorder ruined my life” and “everyone without x disorder is so lucky and has it so much easier.” That’s obviously problematic and unhelpful. I guess I’m curious about the more common thing where an individual with mental illness, who is in therapy and on meds, who is trying but perhaps not hard enough (?), vents their frustrations and embarrassment about their own brain and maybe their life so far (failing out of college, for example) not blaming their mental illness or anyone else, and somewhat taking responsibility for their choices (by acknowledging the part they played in it). And yet there is still the implicit suggestion that they are somewhat the victims of their brain, or feel like it. One can acknowledge they do have the ability to improve, while putting realistic limits on how my much right? Where is the line then? What is self-pity and what is realism?