i have this thing where i fantasize about killing myself for the pleasure of imagining how my suicide would affect people who likes me, it's something i do when i meet new people as well, when i feel like they like me i tend to imagine what would they think of me afterwards like "oh god that hysterical boy i met died, he must've really been as crazy as he seemed to be", something like that... i also do it all the time thinking about the group of friends i made these last few months and what would they do and say if i killed myself or if i tried to but didn't make it, how would they interact with me and between them afterwards, etc does someone here does that too?