I'm a Third Culture Kid (TCK), which means that my dad is from one culture, my mum is from a second, and because I was born and raised in a different country and culture than either of them, I am from a third culture.  

Because of this, I've always felt apart from and different to most of the people I've had as classmates and/or colleagues who had same-culture parents, and didn't move around much.

One of the symptoms of BPD is finding difficulty in realising a sense of self, or having trouble with establishing a personal identity.  Before I got my diagnosis, I thought my issues with feeling adrift in my identity due to my upbringing was just a TCK thing, as that is very normal within that group - do you identify more with your mum's culture, your dad's culture, or a mix, or none?  It can be very confusing.  The combination of that *and* BPD is just a recipe for disaster.

I've lived in the same country now for 17.5 years.  It's my dad's home country, and I have always been a citizen through him (born in a country where the kids automatically get the dad's citizenship).  I didn't grow up here, though, and the language isn't my first, even though I'm fluent.  I feel like it's home to me, but because of things like my skin colour, and a *slight* accent when I speak the language, as well as not having shared childhood experiences like nursery rhymes and children's programmes that "everyone" knows, I stand out as different.

I've often felt like an outsider, and now I've started a new 6-month intensive out-patient programme, where people are at different stages.  Some started 3 months ago, some are done soon, but they've all been there for a while.  

I had my first day as "the new girl" today, and those feelings of being different and apart from the norm came up.  Wondering if the others would accept me, or like me, or see me as one of them, or just the anomaly due to whatever factor.  

Even though I know it's premature, I worry that I won't be understood, since as far as I have been able to tell, none of the others have that TCK background, and that I'll be met with the same misunderstandings that have been part and parcel and a massive annoyance and part of my estrangement from people for a good while.

Yes, we all have BPD, and there are a lot of things that are very universal, as I know from previous group therapy, but even then I never really felt wholly understood on a fundamental level.  Just the eternal outsider who has a day-pass.

Obviously, I'll be sticking with it, but I just wanted to let out some first day nerves.

Thanks for reading!


**TL;DR - Started a new therapy course, am worried about being "the new girl" due to issues with fitting in due to my upbringing and family make up.**