this post might be a little long but i would really appreciate it if you read it. 

i had really bad anxiety for what feels like my whole life, but when i was 9, it got really bad. my family, who noticed, started to heavily make fun of me. my nickname was “paranoiac” and i think it was pretty clear that they didn’t take me serious at all. eventually l stopped eating out of anxiety, and it began to give me stomach problems. when i became visibly weak and throwing up my own stomach acid. my family just thought i had had a stomach virus.
i began to recover when i guess my life situation became better, but my anxiety never really went away and i never really recovered my regular eating habits. 
i spent most of my teenager years skipping meals, eating very little and unhealthy. all the while, refusing that i had anxiety. i was always online and seeing how self-diagnosed teenage girls were always getting mocked and ridiculed and i let it get to me. i tried talking to a doctor once, which was really hard for me, and they brushed it off and told me to go outside and get a pet. maybe they didn’t know the extent of it, but it made me really, really embarrassed to even bring it up in the first place 
i’m now turning 19, and i’m facing issues with my digestion because i guess my life long habits. (i’m not sure what it is right now, as i barely started seeing doctors after putting it off for so long)
but my anxiety is clearly affecting me terribly mentally and physically. but i just hold this shame that i can’t let go. my whole life i was always made to feel stupid and crazy and overdramatic for it, even though logically i know it’s actually pretty normal.
the main problem is that i want to reach out for help, but i can’t. my health issues is just making my anxiety so much worse, and my anxiety is making my health worse. it’s a sick loop. which is now forcing me to face it, and i find it really difficult. i made this post i guess as a small step towards opening up (stupidly enough i’m getting anxiety about posting this) but i’m hoping to find someone else who’s gone through this shame and how they got out of it. i’m become exhausted living like this but i don’t know how to get out. 

(by the way, i know what my family did was fucked up, but i don’t hold any resentment towards them because we were all in a pretty bad place, which made us lash out on eachother, and since i was young and annoying, i was such a easy target. we’ve grown to different people and i love them more than anything)