I am so frustrated with myself. I’ve seen three different mental health professionals and I couldn’t bring myself to be completely truthful with any of them. I tell them how I’m anxious, how I’ve had depressive episodes in the past. I tell them enough to get prescribed lexapro. 

I don’t tell them how I don’t think I ever left the depressive episode that started in 2018. I don’t tell them that sometimes I *do* think I’ve left it, that for a few weeks every now and then I feel like I can take on the world and accomplish anything, only for that feeling to come crashing down far too quickly. I don’t tell them about the intrusive self injurious thoughts that arise any time I do something even remotely wrong. 

I haven’t told them, I haven’t told my close friends who are mental health professionals themselves, I haven’t even told my fiancé. 

I need help but I’m preventing myself from getting that help and I just want to scream. 

I really don’t know what to do. Do I just walk in to my next appointment and show them this post? I’m just so scared of their reaction. I feel like a fraud.