I'm having some sort of mental breakdown where I can't stop crying hysterically and I'm extremely anxious.  I've been really depressed, more than usual, for the past 3 or 4 days.  I didn't know why until tonight.  And I'm still not even sure if I know why or if my brain is coming up with an excuse to be upset with my husband.

Basically, he was only supposed to work like 8 or 10 hours this coming week because his job goes along with the school calendar and it's school vacation this week.  I was looking forward to having all of that time with him.  Last week, he got offered a bunch of hours for this week and even a new, regular shift on Tuesday evenings.  I'm so upset he took all of these hours and the extra shift.  I didn't even realize I was upset about it until about an hour ago.  I think I was pretending to ve okay with it because that's how I'm "supposed" to feel since we need the money.

I don't care about money.  And honestly, if he had talked to me about it, there's a chance I would have said he should take the hours.  Probably not, but I'll never know BECAUSE HE DIDN'T ASK ME!  if I talk to him about this, he'll just say we need the money or some stupid line about how he doesn't need me holding him back when he's finally doing so well.

I'm just so sick of not being allowed my feelings around him.  I'm in bed, crying hysterically next to him, and all he's done is say "What's wrong?" in a tone that clearly means, "How can I get you to be quiet so I can sleep?"

Ya know what?!  I'm purposely going to keep crying.  Because if my wants and feelings don't matter, why should his?!  I'd NEVER not ask him about even the littlest thing before making a decision.  I don't expect that from him, but this is not fair.

I just took to anxiety pills, so hopefully I'll calm down soon.  I'm just sick of feeling like I dont matter to him.  I can't even remember the last time he said "I love you" to me.  When I say it to him, he just says, "I love me too" lately.  Usually it's a "cute" joke, but every fucking time lately?!?!  I'm kinda starting to believe it that he doesn't love me and he's all that matters. 

I'm gonna lay down and stop ranting....if you read this far, thank you so much.  It means a lot to me to be heard.