Not sure if this is the right place to post this but let’s try anyway. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 2 years now, I live in Australia and she lives in the US. We got together in 2020 when I was going thru a rough time in my life, my father is an abusive fuck and my mum passed away years prior. I eventually left home that same year at 16 and luckily was able to get myself a full time job and a nice room in a share house. I would live there for the next year. Fast forward a bit to 2021 our connection grew stronger and stronger, not a day would go by where we didn’t text and call each other. I loved our relationship so much. We had plans of her coming here to visit in 2022 when she finished school but later plans changed so I would end up flying over there to meet her and her family and take her to prom. The months leading up I was terrified she wouldn’t like me in person. So many people had told me it would never work out in person and I was starting to believe it. But I went anyway. 


Turns out I was completely wrong. She was all over me and we couldn’t stop snuggling and kissing each other. I love her even more deeply now and she loves me too. I was there for 2 weeks before I left to go back home. 2 weeks where pretty much we were together 24/7.  

The most depressing thing ever is when her mom was driving us back to the airport. I felt dead inside. The whole timeframe from walking inside that airport to landing back in Australia was hell, I felt so low and felt worse than ever. The days after would be just as bad. Even when I returned to work and got back in my routine it didn’t change. 


Now it’s been almost 3 weeks since I’ve been back and  I don’t feel any better at all, for a few moments a day I will feel happy and excited for our future, then the rest of the day I’ll be plunged into a deep dark place and feel like I’m done with life. She’s literally coming to see me in 3 weeks. Yet I still feel like this. We made a decision that I will move over there for her once visas/green cards are sorted. I don’t know for certain but I feel like my depression isn’t just from missing her, but the overall experience of being over there with her and seeing the country makes me just want to cut to the chase and move today. Which obviously I can’t. I hate my old life here. I used to love it before I left. Now I hate it. Doctors don’t know what’s wrong with me. They think I’m ok and don’t have depression or any disorders but I know I do.