I survived my deepest depression - it took me 2 years to escape. I fought through daily SI and came out the other side. But now I have a horrendous fear of dying. I worked so hard to survive myself, I'm terrified of my own body taking me out. OCD, hypochondria, contamination fear, the gambit. I'm constantly terrified of leaving my husband alone that I leave him notes around the house in case I die. I hate this stupid fucking disease. It feels like I can't win and I'm tired.