I feel like absolute shit. I can’t do this anymore. Why do I keep fucking thinking that I’m traumatised when I’m clearly not?. I wish someone could just give me some fucking answers, tell me the truth about me, tell me what’s wrong with me? Different about me? What’s going on with me? What’s been going on my whole life? Inform me on the answers to the mysteries I always have to ponder. This fucking hurts. I fucking HATE myself and my past and who I am and what I am and fucking everything about me practically. I’m beyond disgusting, perverted, tainted, tarnished, ruined, humiliated, dirty, shameful, a ****, bad and evil and self-serving, weak, stupid, needy, ungrateful, a spoilt brat, a villain of the world, the shame of the world, the worst that the world has to offer, a monster, an animal, other things, I should’ve suffered so much more than I have, especially when I was a kid. I was a fucking DISGUSTING kid. I deserved so much pain as a kid. I still do. God I can’t take it. I don’t deserve anything. I don’t deserve posting this. The fact that I’m even doing this is fucking shameful and disgusting, I’m allowing myself something that I do NOT deserve.... I want to talk about how when I was twelve, I think I came to the realisation that people were always going to treat me badly, because I am just inherently different and things that are inherently different, built differently, just make people react badly towards them. And then everything changed. It was a turning point. Although I don’t know what I meant by people treating me badly anymore I know I am in fact fundamentally different from everyone else. I just wanted to write this down because I think about it so often. God I’m a fucking pig in a pig stye. Fucking hell. But before that I think I had issues too, it just was different to when I turned twelve. I remember in my early childhood having a sort of madness I think, there were things to be known that I knew and did not know, did not understand, but I always believed in it, identified with it, even found comfort within it. This madness I emotionally knew and didn’t know, something a part of me but beyond me as well. I can remember things like this from my early childhood the most. I just want someone to give me some answers.