I feel bored with my life right now. Nothing is terrible or awful, but nothing is really out of this world wonderful. Job is good. Man is good. Money is ok. But my life itself is just alright and I teel horrible guilt all the time. 

I can't figure out if anything I feel is real or just the product of my own imagination. My bf told me I was extremely negative so I feel guilty whenever I don't like something. I had my birthday a few days ago and it was ok. I used to party a lot but partying isn't fun anymore. I'm sure my friends were really bored. A bunch of them didn't show up and the place I wanted to go to was closed. They went out for St. Paddys and had the crazy wild night I wanted to have for my birthday. So now I feel like shit and guilty for being so lame. I don't wanna be in my house right now. 

So now I feel like a whiny pathetic waste. I feel good for a second, then it all comes back. The magic is that I can't figure out what's real and what's been made up. 

Another birthday went spent crying. I'm tired and enough is enough. 