I'm a decent number of drinks in at this point and at this point I'm just venting on Reddit.

My first gf changed my life from moderately decent lows sprinkled with deep lows to a cycle of super high highs and super low lows.

In those low lows you really start to realize that you are truly alone. Nobody actually cares. At best they're just worried you'll hurt yourself or want to make themselves feel like a good person.

When the one person who voluntarily cares about me doesn't care there is no one. Not a single soul. I am alone talking to a void, stewing in my own thoughts. Friends, therapists, even relationships are all just temporary or too hollow to matter.

Nobody cares. There's no reason to improve, live, die, laugh, love, cry. It's all just fake. None of it is real. Nobody cares about what you think or what you feel.