Who am I? I feel torn apart

So, I've been looking around what kind of personality disorder I might have, because I definitely have a problem. I found Cluster A and went on wikipedia. There I found the Akhtar figure which is so relatable and I feel like I've found myself. It's said that this is schizoid personality disorder, but I don't match the criteria of the DSM and the ICD. Tbh, to tell you how I feel: on one hand, I prefer to be alone, work alone etc., but on the other, I'd also like to interact with people. I never take risks, I'm afraid of them, but I also love them. I just don't know who I am, because I also don't match the schizotypical personality disorder criteria. It's more like a mix. My inside is not the same as my outside, I feel fake. I feel torn apart and I want to know what this is and who I am. Does anyone know this or feel like me?