I’m so fucking jealous and possessive of my girlfriend. We’ve had to go long distance so she’s 300 miles away.

My brain keeps replaying made up scenarios where she’s cheating on me getting fucked by other guys.

We’ve only been together a month and she’s a very sexual person so I’m worried she’s going to leave me or do something.

I’ve never been in a relationship before, she was my first for EVERYTHING.

She has had relationships and whatnot. This is going to sound horrible but I hate the fact that she’s been with other dudes before me. It’s poisoning my thoughts.

I really want to push her away because I can’t handle this pain. 

I know this is a me problem. I’m deeply insecure and have lived most of my life alone shut in my bedroom so I don’t even know why she’s with me in the first place.

My trust issues are so bad like I don’t believe what she’s telling me over phone/message. I feel like she’s lying and making a fool of me.

I feel like I’m always trying to find out what she’s doing.

This hurts so much.

I’m a 22 year old dude. I shouldn’t be this immature. I get so fucking angry with myself but I also get angry with her when she might not even be doing anything. I never take it out on her, I keep it to myself.