im dating my fp, and i cannot stand her closest friend. ive had a moderate dislike of him for a year, which escalated rapidly 6 months ago to the point where id consider him a trigger. now even the mention of his name (even if its just someone who happens to share the name) either sends me into a dissociative episods or anxiety attack with murderous intrusive thoughts. oh, along with splitting on my partner if she happened to be the one who mentioned him :/
i thought i was getting over it, i could convince myself that he wasnt a threat to either of us (even though he totally is, besides the point rn lmao). but just today i fell into the same pattern, and i hate it. i would never actually kill the guy, but the graphic ways i cant help but think of along with the racing heartbeat, quick breathing and headaches afterward arent something i want to experience anymore and i dont know what to do. the only thing i can think of is to cut him out of our lives and let things heal, but thats not gonna happen anytime soon. 
any advice on ways to calm myself down, to distract me, or even any mental tips to prevent the episode from happening in the first place?