I have been spiraling exponentially for years and the last two years have gotten to a point where the easiest thing to do is not exist anymore. I don’t have any friends and instigate fights w my bf who tries but I am impossible to deal with. I feel apathetic toward the future. I go into deep states of delusion where I am not in control anymore. I finally got sent to a hospital for a 1013 and spoke to like 7 different ppl. I thought that this would be the start of finally feeling ok. But then I spoke w the psychiatrist and I feel like she completely invalidated me and made me feel silly for being there. There were many things that could be a post in itself but one thing that stuck with me was when she said “if I was actually trying to hurt myself, I would need stitches” I dissociated the whole time and don’t really remember the context but it kind of felt bad to hear. They said I would have to stay overnight but after she spoke to me, they said I could leave. I felt like everyone was judging me like I was over reacting but I know that I need help and I still don’t want to live like this. That was my first time ever trying to do something about it and now I don’t want to try again. Everything just feels messier and more pointless than before. 
I will probably delete this later bc posting negative stuff makes me nervous lol but maybe someone has experienced something like this before?