I(19M) am an addict and I live with a narcissistic father, Those are the main two causes of my depression ( I didn't get diagnosed but I have all the symptoms and I read about this for so long ). Before last year I was still pretty much "alive", Like I wasn't happy but I wasn't depressed either and I still had the motivation to do what i needed to do, I even graduated highschool being one of the toppers of my school which is a big deal to me. But after the finals which were a year ago I was never the same, Everyday i got worse and I slowly lost the will to live. 2021 was the worst year ever for me. Now I wake up, scroll through social media, listen to music and sleep to escape my reality. I occasionally get the motivation to get my life back on track but addiction and depression beat me and eventually I give up. I want to work out and I want to feel alive again but I find it extremely hard not to depend on my coping mechanisms which are social media and music. Social media became an addiction and it's one of the reasons I'm depressed. 

Has anybody been in a similar postion and got out ?

P.S : I have friends and family who I can talk to but I don't want to because I was always a "good boy" and now I'm a porn addict so I won't bear the look of dissapointment on their faces, I'm already dissapointed and ashamed of myself.