My parents are kind and loving, for the most part. I'm 21, still living with them. I am grateful that they haven't kicked me out and provided basic needs for me, but emotionally... I just don't feel the "love" there anymore. I've avoided Reddit for a while as well because it didn't really help with my mood, and the stereotypical "Redditors are fat losers," but I just felt like I needed a platform to kinda say this. Growing up, I never really knew what was wrong with me. People just assumed I was being dramatic/a pussy. Mental health is something my family never acknowledged, either. If something was wrong, all you had to do was "work hard," "pray to God," or "just think positive." There was one time I even told my mom how I was feeling - that I'm at a point where I'm mentally incapable of holding a job and that there are times when I want to die. She just told me "don't think bad thoughts, just work, pray, be happy." I remember her tearing up a bit and showing concern, but all that really stuck out was her telling me that. The last time I ever really talked to my dad about anything, it was like sophomore year of high school, and on the car ride home, he noticed I looked pretty upset and asked me what was wrong. I told him that I was upset cause one of my online friends, (who I no longer talk to), was suicidal and depressed and he was having a breakdown the other night. He got mad and yelled at me, saying how I'm so fucking stupid for letting shit like that get to me. He told me that I have no friends, and every "friend" I'll ever have is fake and will betray me. The only true friend I'll ever have is Jesus Christ. When we got home I checked my phone out of habit, not even messaging that "friend," and my dad snapped and said "you better not be talking to that guy! If he's so fucking sad why doesn't he just kill himself?" I know I'm their child and they love me no matter what, but it's hard to feel the same. Again, I'm grateful that they provided for my basic needs, and love me and all that, but it's just so hard to "love" them at times. I do try and take into consideration that they're older, and really from different "worlds." They were raised much differently, and I'm sure they were never able to freely express their emotions. It just sucks how so many people are uneducated about mental health and they don't treat it as seriously as they would cancer or something. When I think "do I love my parents?" I mainly just think of things of things that they have done that I'm thankful for. But as people, I tend to avoid them. Their love for me is unconditional, (I think), because I'm \*theirs\*. They chose to have me, but I didn't choose to be born or for them to be my parents. If I was anyone other than their child, I'm certain they would hate me. As a kid, I saw my parents as indestructible and funny and loving and all these wonderful things. Now, I kind of see them as "bots". It feels really fucked up for me to say that, but it really is how it feels. They say the same things, do the same things, yadda yadda. One time when I was picking up my mom from work, she immediately went on her phone and just asked me "how are you, son?" Not even really paying much attention to me, just using her phone. I just mumbled "fucking shit," and she didn't really acknowledge it or say anything. I understand people aren't psychics, and even if you think it's obvious they can't understand what you're going through unless you say something. But I have, and they essentially just tone it out and ignore me. At times I just want to yell and be like "WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T ANYBODY NOTICE? WHY DOESN'T ANYONE CARE? WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FUCKING SELFISH AND STUPID?" I feel like there's so much more I have to say but my head just feels so empty. Sorry if this sounds like rambling, I just needed to say something somewhere. If anyone even reads this, thank you for your time.