I’m 20F now, how cliche the title, but let me give some background. Growing up I had no friends in elementary school, I wasn’t bullied but I could never personally connect with people. I’ve felt like this for as long as I can remember. Imagine being 7 year old me sitting in a classroom feeling so alien and disconnected.  7 years old. Younger even. The best way I can describe it is that I’m living halfway in this dimension, if that even makes sense. I can’t understand how doing things is so easy for everyone else, even the simplest things such as speaking a sentence. 

Anyways, before I hit middle school I was put into homeschooling. This of course did not help and was probably one of the worst things my parents have ever done for me. I’ve always been labeled “shy” and “quiet”. I feel like I was put into homeschooling so my mother could have an excuse to stay home and not have to work. (Which she hasn’t worked since.) I had terrible anxiety on top of it all and she would always brush me off. My dad worked nights full time so she was “in charge” of the household. She wouldn’t take me to my doctors appointments, or dentist appointments unless it was seriously urgent and I begged. I didn’t want to inconvenience her. She never did homeschooling work with me and to this day I don’t have beyond a 5th grade education. I can’t even remember how to divide. All I did all day every day was get on the computer, play video games. For 9+ years straight. 9+ years straight, growing up, going through puberty, I was in a house. Rarely I went outside if I did it was to the store with my mother and to this day going outside is difficult. When I turned 18 is when my mother decided I was “grown” and should get a job 40+ hours a week in the real world, the next day of informing me. Imagine that. ..But I had to help with her bills!.. and her debt. There’s many details I could get into with my life but to keep it short it hasn’t been eventful or great.

Fast forward to present. I still work 40+ hrs a week minimum wage, no education, have no friends, I go to work eat sleep repeat. I still don’t know how the real world works. I struggle talking to people.. existing, talking, everything is draining. I don’t have any hobbies anymore. How do people do this?? Why? This is awful. I’m laying here and my heart physically hurts. My body and mind have wanted to quit since I can remember. The only thing keeping me going is my dad and little brother. They would be devastated.