I'm so upset with myself. I really thought I was doing better but now I feel like I'm right back at rock bottom. Rationally I know I *am* making progress, but *fuck,* man, I hate when I'm going good for a while and then I slip back down. I've talked myself into a whole "I have no friends and I'm the least interesting person I know, why do people even talk to me" cycle and on top of that I'm splitting on my boyfriend and my BPD is trying to convince me I like my best friend more and I should move across the country to be with them and dumb shit like that. I love my boyfriend. I know I do. So why the fuck do I get in these ruts?

I'm so sick of this fucking disorder. I'm tired of constantly trying and failing to be a good or even functional person. I hate myself SO MUCH. I just wanna be fucking happy for once. I wish I had a normal brain.