I miss him.. I was his FP and he was my soul and I asked him for help so many times and he couldn't give it. I had to go before I lost everything and he knew what it meant to me. 

&amp;#x200B;

I've never known anything as passionate and soulful as it was between us and I'm afraid I never will. I'll be sailing down the river of shit that I created for myself all the while wishing things were different. Wishing I could have shown him my Paris. I'll accept my purgatory.

&amp;#x200B;

I fucked up and because of that I'm not allowed to grieve. I wish he could have been the person he said he was.

&amp;#x200B;

I wish I could blame his bpd for it all. I wish I could find out if he ever truly loved me or if it was just the obsession with me that created a good enough illusion for me to fall for. I'm such an idiot after all. 

&amp;#x200B;

I'll never forgive you but I'll never not love you. 

&amp;#x200B;

Funny.. I'm meant to be the 'sane' one yet I'm the one in therapy..

&amp;#x200B;

A bientot mon couer 

(because I can't say goodbye)