if u get better it only means another crash is on the way. whats the point of anything. its just a barrage of pain, lies, hurt, and uselessness. i have nothing. just this stupid machine i type my poetic whines on. i cant do anything else. i have too much brain damage and trauma to even make a microwavable dinner without getting triggered. i just eat milk and coffee and whatever my parents eat. i cant even use the bathroom without planning for 20 minutes how i will be able to get out of bed to go. everthing is impossible. i try. and get laughed at. but what else is there to do.... thats why its not even worth trying anymore. life is just a big waste.