it's one of those days where i am so depressed, i can't move for hours. my birthday is this week and i felt like all my "friends" abandoned me. every plan i made with someone, they bailed. some people didn't even reach out, others reached out like nothing was wrong. i went on a rampage and not sure if it's extreme or if it's self sabotage, but i texted almost every person i assumed i was friends with and said i really thought we were close friends, i don't want to speak to you anymore. i have a tendency to have periods where i go through extreme cutting off and just become a hermit for months. not sure if i am overreacting or if it's all the small things just adding up. i talked with my mom about relationships. i told her, my bar is so low for people, at this point im just looking for someone who can meet the bare minimum. and ive been unable to do that. i give and do a lot for others, especially loved ones, but it hurts that i cannot at least get bare minimum care back. i hate that im back here.