I'm scared. I feel like I'll end up killing myself anytime this week. I don't know what to do. 90% wants me to do it, and the other 10% stopping me is my family. I can't stop crying everyday. 

I was like a hermit in these past 3 years. I cut off all contacts, old friends or distant family. I quit school. I just talked with my immediate family and neighbors. I'm even avoiding my neighbors but if I need to talk with them, I do. 

I decided to go back to college this year. I'm much older which made me feel worse and embarassed. Now, I'm in a disagreement with a schoolmate. Even though I'm in the right, the words he told me won't stop circulating in my head. I'm even the quiet person and he's the talkative popular one. He has a lot of friends. I see him everywhere and I'm scared. I think he's already badmouthing me to the rest of the school. Yesterday, I was in a meetup with other schoolmates. They said, "Are you John? That John Smith?" I knew it. He already told others. My other classmate assured me that I did nothing wrong. But the feeling that most people already thinks that I did something bad, is already haunting me. I'm scared to go back. I don't have the confidence to prove myself in front of everyone either. The attention will make me freeze. 

I shouldn't have come back.