Isn't it funny how things are different in "should be" and "really is"?

A couple of months ago, I wanted to jump off a high ground and head on into death. But my fucking legs didn't wanted to.
This all happened while police was watching me. Curiosly. 
Couldn't wait to get a more interesting shift probably.

So I wanted to call my gf (now ex). Nope. Just one text.
What did she said?
"You know, I'm sick of your jokes. Just get back inside. I'm talking to the girls here"

Talking to people who aren't her friends or something.


The last few months I called up so many therapists... Only one answere. The rest just ghosted me. 
I'm at the end. I just want to lie down, sleep and never wake up.

Just what am I supposed to here?