I wish I could find something in life that feels significant or enjoyable. I hate feeling this way, and I haven’t been able to get out of this headspace for years. 

I feel like I work hard to get what I want and have the things I feel I deserve, but it feels like some universal force is compelled to deny me of those things. 

My goals are pretty simple. I want to be financially secure. I want to lose a significant amount of weight to help with my self-image issues. I want to have a girlfriend (last one I had was 10 years ago at 18 years old). I do the work to have these things (2 years post-grad, multiple gym trips a week, calorie counting, grinding the dating apps every day), but it seems like the results I get are always worst-case scenario. I don’t think I’ll be able to afford to live on my own when this current lease is up and my roommate leaves. The fat never comes off. I haven’t been on a date in multiple years. No matter what I do, it seems like the basic things I want are always out of reach, and that I don’t deserve to have them.

I hate everything about my life, and I wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wake up tomorrow. I don’t see a reason to keep trying.