I’m so desperate 
Haven’t got out of bed for a week, haven’t went to uni or work, eaten non stop, and spent all my days smoking weed and watching tv. 
I feel like I’m fed up with this behaviour but something in me feels like I can’t get out of bed or do anything, there’s no use for living and there’s no point in doing anything. Even if there’s a part in me that screams get up! Take care of yourself! I can’t cooperate with it. 
It feels each time I have a happy episode I’m impulsive with sex behaviours that are destructive for me, but still I’m happy excessively and I get a glimpse of hope that maybe I’ll be fine. Then I enter with no control over it to the depression episode and I crush hard from the disappointment of realising I may not be fine ever and getting hit by the lack of will to live I have and each time is harder than the one before 
I can’t take it anymore 
I really don’t know how to cope with this and how to feel better