I live in Canada and I'm a minor, so guns aren't really in my reach, but they're all I think about. Every single day I wake up and think about how I'm going to kill myself, whether it be in a torturous, gruesome way because I think that's what I deserve, or a peaceful, painless, quick way because I fear pain. I think about nothing else. I don't think my death will affect many people, or anyone for that matter, because my whole life nobody has seemed to care. People say "it will get better" or "you have so much to look forward to", but the more I hear that the more I just want to take a knife and stab myself in the chest repeatedly. I have no more friends, and the few people that seem to somewhat care about me avoid me a lot. Maybe it's not their fault, but I feel like they'd only really care if they knew what I was about to do. Why do I feel as though I have to die in order for the people around me to care? Why do I have to live off of drugs and therapy in order to feel something? Why do I sleep so much and yet still wake up exhausted? I am exhausted. No matter what I do, nobody listens to me. Nobody cares about me. I am not good enough for ANYBODY, and I never, ever will be. I've dreamt of being an actor my whole life, or pursuing a career in animation or arts, or even becoming a flight attendant, but yet, no dream big enough makes me want to continue breathing. NOTHING makes me want to continue breathing anymore. I'm done. I don't know how much longer I can live like this. I'll probably continue fantasizing about shooting myself in class until the day comes.