I overanalyze his every move. I'm just scared he'll be upset at me or if I'm hurting his feelings. I can't talk to him about it out of fear of conflict, because I just can't handle a conversation where I express hurt but all he expresses is anger.

I've been feeling things I've never felt before. I've been having anxiety attacks pretty much daily, and I've been flinching at loud noises (FLINCHING, I've never been that scared of something!) and I absolutely can't focus on online school. I wish I'd chosen in-person switching, because at least for 6h a day 5 days a week I wouldn't be here.

Whenever I'm not here I'm pretty much fine. If I'm at my mom's house she's so understanding, she's not perfect but at least she listens to what I have to say. As soon as I get a text from my dad my heart races, I think a million thoughts and try to not upset him.

I don't know how it got to this. I just want to be alone.