
Me, [F]24 I’ve met this guy April this year, from a dating app. We shared messages with matching energy and were so horny for each other. He said things like “sounds dumb but you’re so my type” I am Latina. 
He came to my house to do you know… 
I’ve never been with a guy his type, and this was an exciting thing for me. We talked in bed after doing it to get to know each other and we laughed and shared a meaningful connection. I’ve never felt like this connection before with having sex with someone I didn’t know. It was a wonderful night. I could tell he was sooo into me like I was into him.  
Though I was stoned and when he was getting up to get his grinder I said “are you leaving??” (Makes me cringe when I look back. Why did I say that? I knew he wasn’t gonna leave..ugh I’m so embarrassed about it now bc I showed weakness) he then laughed and asked me “who hurt you?” … I said nothing, I just expect the worse.. 
The morning when he left he told me that would be nice to see me again and we agreed on Thursday after I finish work at 9pm. 
I was so excited. I was really happy. We were messaging each other and the energy was so good. He said he is exited to see me again. 
I’m a “sexually provocative” person as it shows on my Instagram. The day after I posted on my story looking sexy with a mini dress and he reacted to it. It was all going well. 
Though I fucked it up. Of course, Why? Because I got so angry and upset when it came to Thursday and he said he was “too tired” to see me. He was resting and hadn’t been working bc he fractured his foot. I took it so personally of course. My mind was driving me insane. If he was so excited to meet me on Thursday why didn’t he make an effort? 
So that’s when I started making videos on my stories acting “sexy” while listening to some of my fav songs. He didn’t reply to them which I thought it was odd. 
I also posted a FaceTime screenshot of me talking to my American guy friend (i live in England). I think he perhaps got jealous of this guy.
I’m telling you all I thought of was this guy. I still do. All I did was wait for him to message me. Anything. For days and days after. I was so sad but didn’t want to bother him as I didn’t wanna come off as desperate. I couldn’t do anything else. And one night I was on Instagram wondering if he will ever say something and then… he messages me! “Are you free this weekend?” My heart raised. It felt like a dream, that’s what I’ve been waiting for FOR DAYS. For that notification. 
As I had work in the day time I replied “yes in the evenings :)” and then…. He left me on “seen.” My world fell apart. I kept overthinking non stop. What did I do? Was I too much on my stories? (I did those videos as I wanted his attention. I wanted him to compliment me). And another thing,  i’m a flirty person naturally so the comments I reply on my insta are of that nature to that American friend. I think he saw that and he began overthinking- maybe he thought I fancied that guy instead. 
I didn’t think at the time this would affect him at all. 
 I feel so bad for this but like I’ve met him once it was not like I was in a relationship with him? But after he lost interest on me then I realised that I’ve done what I do best and self-sabotaged. 

I got so bad. It was all I thought about. I was abandoned by someone that was so obsessed with me and I ruined it. That’s all I think. I’m angry with him for never answering me when he asked if I was free. Like what was that about?? Why did he change his mind ugh

Anyway a few weeks passed and that’s all I had in my mind. I was under so much stress and couldn’t concentrate on my exams (first year in university) and it was an online exam and we’ll I took my first overdose. It was all too much for me. 
Ambulance took me. I posted on my story bc Ofc, I need the attention!!! Ugh I don’t understand why I acted that way. But he sent a supportive message saying if I need anything to “get in touch”…. This hurt so much. This guys tone completely changed. He was obsessed with me and then he stopped suddenly. 

Oh but here is the best part… the very next day he puts on his story that he is out with a girl… nice.. so many stories of him at the bar with her.. and she put a story of him on the date captioned “cutie”
This broke me again. I felt replaced. 
The worst part is.. she looks nothing like me. This is gonna sound soo “narcissistic” but I’m not, I promise. I just want to give you a picture. People ask me if I model etc. like I said I’m latina n have a good body too. And he goes for a basic small white girl who is below average. I showed them to my online friends on my “finsta” and they all agreed that she was hideous. Though they have more in common. 

I have self-esteem and identity issues and this broke me completely I’m TOO obsessed with them. I’m jealous because she got to be with him and I am so so angry because she is uglier than me. She seems so boring. I stalk them everyyyyy day which is crazy i know 
 on Instagram as they have it on public because I want to know what made him choose her. This is an obsession and I cannot stop. I find myself thinking they’re happy living their life with their friends and I’m alone with only one friend “FP” bc I cannot maintain friendships irl. I wish I was normal. 
I unfollowed him in June and he proceeded to unfollow me back 2 months later which I was sad when it happened bc I wanted him to be thinking of me… 


Help…. It’s been 6 months. Someone I met once. Gave me hopes. Destroyed my confidence. I’m so angry but you know how it does. The mood swings. 
When im “good” I think like oh he just got jealous of my friend and he is insecure that I can do better than him. I’m so much better than him lmfao I’m a goddess. And when I’m “bad” I just think that I’m nothing and people just lie when they say I am “model” material etc. I feel so shit about my appearance. I hate myself so much. THE SWITCH HAPPENS SEVERAL TIMES A DAY! There’s no balance whatsoever!!! It’s 0 to 100 and I’m done. 
I CAN’T DEAL THAT I’VE BEEN PUT TO THE SIDE. 
The fucked up thing is I didn’t see a future with him bc we’re different people.

One question. Does this sound like someone with abandonment issues or no? 

If you got this far I love you. Thank you for listening to my thoughts I couldn’t tell anyone.