I’ve  had anxiety for my whole life,  i’ve never been good at talking with people, making friends, or anything. 

I’ve been bullied my whole life, called annoying for trying to be myself, been called fat anf ugly when i was just sitting there. do you know what that does to a person? its fucking awful and it makes me so scared to be myself! 

I’ll never forget when i was in 6th grade a kid looked at me and said, “you know you’re ugly right?” all i could do was agree. Because there’s no reason to stick up for myself when they never listen. I may not be the best looking but i have feelings…

I became such a shut in at the beginning of 7th grade. I’ve always had social anxiety but it got worse.  Scared to talk, scared to fucking ask a question, scared to ask to use the god damn bathroom. 

I’ve been going to therapy, trust me, shes a great person. Shes helped me but my anxiety is still there. 

I’ve been bullied my whole life, made fun of, excluded from activities. All during school. 

School makes everything worse. 

15 years of my life i’ve attended public school. 15 years i’ve endured being made fun of. 

I was a freshman last year and im going to be a sophomore this year. I’m being homeschooled. 

I feel like its the best for me because im working with a therapist. (and before you say shes a shitty therapist, you don’t know her or what shes done for me) 

God in my freshmen year i had a breakdown in every class and wanted to kill myself every second i was in school. I begged my mom to let me stay home, i would beg to go to a doctor just for a doctors excuse!

Its not the teachers teach us anything, they give us a fucking link to click on and expect us to work. They’ve never been there for me, begging and crying in emails to let me sit alone or let me present after class.
  
I cant even eat in public in fear that people are watching me and judging me for how i eat. Trust me, i know they do. some people i sat with at lunch would take photos of me and laugh. I would beg for them to delete it. 

I’ve been forced to present ever since middle school, its not gotten better. The crying in the bathroom just begging to go home. If i don’t like homeschooling i’ll just to back to public school and  endure the suffering.

Its a credited program, i get my credits for the year. I’ve always been tje person who loves to learn. I wont have to present i front of people, i wont have to work in groups. 

its perfect for me! I posted in a subreddit about my homeschooling program and i had people saying “setting yourself up for failure” “stunted adult” 

like the education system wasn’t setting me up for failure in the first place. 

The severity of my anxiety made learning almost unbearable because i couldn’t focus on the work but what other people thought of me. Is my hair oily? do i stink? am i breathing too hard? 

i wont have to face that in the comfort of my own home. 

To be honest, i’ll probably be sent back to public school next year anyways. 

I just wanted to vent and i beg for anyone reading this to not comment on me being homeschooled… i’ve had enough of rude comments saying im being set up for failure and it doesn’t help. In all honestly i just want tips.