She made our relationship and "open relationship" and we're also "sort of on a break".
We've been doing long distance for 8 months now, with me seeing her rather rarely, and she wanted to fuck someone else to get new experiences, so she wants me to get new experiences as well. 
Fuck, I just want her. I want her love, her attention, her sex, her. I just want her. 
And she says she doesn't feel as though I love her anymore, that it feels like I only want her for sex.

I DON'T JUST WANT YOU FOR SEX, IF I DID I'D HAVE BROKEN UP WITH YOU LONG AGO. I WANT YOU FOR YOU.

she's moving closer in a couple months, so the "break/open relationship" is lasting until then.
Methinks this is just an excuse to give her buffer time to fully break up with me. 

Just be honest. Be fucking honest. I'll be hurt either way, so just rip the fucking band-aid off. Then at least it'll be a sort of role reversal from me ditching my last FP, so I'd be getting what I deserve.

I hate me, I hate the world, I hate everything.
She was the best part of my day, talking to her even if for only a few minutes.
How she's ignoring my snaps.
Fuck, this relationship is not going to last, but I'm sure as fuck gonna try. She's one of the only people to know about my BPD, so now I have basically nobody to fully and honestly vent to. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck.