I don't even know when my anxiety started, the anxiety attacks have been a larger part of my life and even trying different therapies, to different medicines , to different diagnosis, to literally everything, it never went away. And this thing bothers me so much now. It been fucking 17 years of my life, I suffered.  Everything goes fine for a week or month and then the same shit is back again. Anxiety is so filled in me that if I could f**king distribute it, through the world I'll still have some left for me. 
Man this is so hard.  Recently I got into a relationship my first one and he's a sweetheart.  But my anxiety ruins every other perfect moment we have.  I want to live so happily with him. I don't know. I just don't know why does my anxiety and panic attacks hit . 
Today I had my 4th day of period and it was so exhaustive, I thought I won't encounter a panic attack, but it didn't happen they had to ruin my sleep. I woke up with a fucking nightmare, with nothing other than shivers and all of my emotions fucked. 
Man , I wish they go away forever.