Because of my autism I never could (nor wanted) to make friends. But in 8th grade I had made two friends who were the only friends I'd ever made. I loved them and wanted to be friends forever. 

At one point I developed a crush on my male friend (I'm gay), and after I confessed this to him he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. But then months later he had gotten a boyfriend. 

He started to grow distant. He would constantly block me on social media and my friends would often spend time without me. I would also make crude/cruel jokes to him that I didn't realize he wouldn't like. I also made fun of his sister (he's a foster child) and I would get jealous of his boyfriend. 

Eventually one of his friends messaged me saying to leave him alone and that he was only pretending to be my friend. I confronted him about this and he admitted to it, saying I was clingy and would never give him space. I talked to my female friend afterwards and she agreed I was a bad friend. She wouldn't talk to me again either.

 I was incredibly depressed for a long time, and after this I once again went back to never wanting friends again. 

I know I was a bad friend, but even now that I'm 18 years old, I still feel sad about this experience. It's not even that I want to be friends again or want them to forgive me, I just feel hurt from the way they lied to me and ignored me. Even though I was in the wrong, I still can't help but feel traumatized from the experience.