I’m this new year, I said i’d apply to college, get a job, and start being more socialable but the truth is… i’m terrified. I have such bad anxiety when it comes to being around people, especially in a school like environment (I suffered deeply in high school) and I don’t know if I can follow through with my promises of getting out into the world more. People keep telling me they’re proud, but what they don’t know is how much the idea of doing these things has made me suffer. I’m in a lot of emotional distress and I don’t know what to do, there’s a part of me who really wants to succeed, but another part of me who can’t stand humanity and wants to give up. The stress from this has pushed me back into suicidal thoughts and i’m beginning to become exhausted again, my mental health was already bad but forcing these things on myself only made it worse. I feel like I absolutely have to pursue it now, i’m 23 years old and have been nothing but a washed up, waste of space since I dropped out of high school. I’m just… so damn tired and unmotivated though, I had plans on being gone by 25 and honestly am still considering that…