I just keep playing out different scenarios where things could have worked better. I know I should have walked away when Jane told me to, but your pull is gravitational. It will be two years I haven’t seen your face soon and I still miss it. Honestly this will be what ends up killing me. After all the things I’ve been through and seem, I’m literally going to end up taking my own life. My world was nothing but empty, cold, and dark. I witnessed death at a very young age, I seen the horrors and atrocities. I was told my skin colour was a handicap and I just needed to deal with it. I did things, things I needed to for survival. Now I don’t see the point in any of it anymore. I sometimes wish I had died at any of the times where there was a 50/50 chance I could have. If this is my dying fever dream then god is cruel. If this is reality then god is dead. Come back please, make it all make sense again Anne.