Honestly it feels more like depression than anxiety, but I can't help but only feel sad today.

I'm only having rapid thoughts about what everyone else could be thinking, and I can't help but feel sad how everyone feels so loved and are like, the center of the attention for their birthdays, whilst I'm just sitting here alone surrounded and drowned in negative thoughts.

I already went to 2 birthday "parties" (they were more like meetings) this month, and it felt I was giving it all to those people, like I had no issue forgetting about everything for a couple of hours and make their days a little bit better.

And I think I'm now sad and angry that I'm not receiving that same behaviour from anyone. Everyone seem so worried and "in their minds" today, and are excusing themselves to not hang out and seem so accomodating. They feel so done after just texting me "happy birthday".

I can understand it is technically a work day, I understand the current positions of my friends in regards to what they're doing in life and all that stuff. But it's showing that they already care for each other, they had time to show up to 2 other meetings and we obviously had fun. I never really understood why they would never do the same with me, and today it is hitting me hard and it only makes me sad.

I apologize if this is not the right place to post this, I only felt I had to get this off my mind and try to calm myself. The day is pretty much ending anyways, but I'll admit I was hoping to have a somewhat okay birthday this year, especially after ≈2 years of COVID.