Hello everyone. This will be my very first Reddit post. I usually ramble a lot so I will try to articulate my thoughts and only say what I mean to say. I can honestly say after my therapist diagnosed me with BPD, as I started to familiarize myself with the mental illness, I realized this was exactly what I have been suffering from for years. I had previously been diagnosed with depression, elevated mood swings, and just being on the border of bipolar disorder. But I always felt like there was something else, that I was not just "crazy." All my life, I have struggled with my identity: who I was? what I wanted in life? what my goals were? I always told myself I was worthless, undeserving of love, a waste of space, etc. I've had occasional thoughts of suicide, only one attempt that was unsuccessful (and I thank God for that). I was never able to have a stable relationship, and that is where I am right now: my current boyfriend of 3 years is ready to leave me. He has put up with my push-pull ways for this long and frankly, he has grown tired. I know he loves me, and he loves my 5 year old son,  but lately he feels that this is how I will always be and that he cannot grow old with someone like me. He is unfamiliar with the mental illness as well so we are both trying to educate ourselves as much as possible. He has dealt with violent outbursts, extremely high anger and bouts of sobbing on the floor, saying the meanest things I can possibly think of... well also listening to me say "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that" over and over and over again. I want to be loved like I know i should be and I want to love him like I know how I should. I just want to know that there is hope for a person who suffers from BPD to be in a loving relationship, as long as they do the work to find out their identity and to manage their emotions. I start DBT therapy today with my therapist, wish me luck. And to all the other BPD sufferers on here, I see you. I hear you. I believe you. And you are not alone!!! 