This is going to be long so I understand that some of you won't want to read it, but I would really appreciate someone taking some time to read it.

I don't know whether I'm being dramatic or not and whether maybe I feel certain emotions more than other people but I'm really hurting emotionally. My uncle has been given two months to live after he had an allergic reaction to chemo. My other uncle has brain cancer and has forgotten who I am because if it. My grandma is on chemo and we don't know how serious it is. Another Aunt is also on chemo.

Both my dad, my mum and my aunt are on antidepressants and I can hear them cry when I come back from school. Additionally I have been having some identity problems as I have been playing the role of a person who I'm not in school to try to be liked, I am now trying to stop this, but the more they get to know the real me the more they distance themselves. I also have a crush on this girl, she is wonderful but I really can't tell whether she likes me or not, we've been talking for a while but sometimes I feel like she wants nothing to do with me, and I feel like that about a lot of girls in general.

My grades are going down even though I'm trying to study. And everyone seems to have picked a wonderful university course while I'm choosing a career path which basically guarantees poverty. I have basically no self esteem and I keep having mood shifts which go from slightly happy to dangerously depressed.

I'm at the point where a minor thing like, this girl I like seeming cold to me, can send me down a depressive spiral which has occasionally given me suicidal thoughts.

And I don't know whether I'm being dramatic or not and I'm scared to tell people because I'm only 17 so I have no business being depressed.

All I know is that I feel like shit and this pain in my chest isn't going away.