Here’s a little backstory before I begin: my father and I were always really close and in 2013 my parents got divorced due to my mom’s mental health issues that I still do not understand to this day, but that’s for another story. He was always my biggest supporter and at the time he tried his best to help me because he didn’t understand the things that I was going through and so I was constantly hospitalized. (he’s very old fashioned and I’ve tried educating him on BPD- but he won’t.)
He’s been with this lady since around 2016 and over the years I’ve got to see the real her and she is really abusive..extremely abusive. She’s very two faced, a bully and lies about her sobriety. Not only to me, but my father. and some of you may know how this goes but of course he never believed anything that I said, unless my partner confirmed for me... she’s the reason I moved out back in 2019. let’s get into what happened.

I haven’t spoken to my dad since Father’s Day, because when I visited him, a huge fight broke out between my dad’s partner and I because she was saying really racist things and it really triggered me. I told my dad I didn’t wanna have any contact with him anymore. I don’t want anything to do with them because of the extreme pain she’s put me through and above everything else. He said that “I am just like his partner and that I’m just like my mom” those are the words that he has used for years and it’s extremely hurtful because I’m not like those people at all and I’ve actually put the work in to getting better and being treated. 
Yesterday he called my fiancé‘s phone and I’m so grateful for her because she was standing up for me. 
He was saying that I am just a hateful person and that I can’t hold grudges against people and that I’m just like my mother, even though I say that I’m not, and even though my partner even kept explaining that it’s not holding a grudge, it’s trauma, and not wanting to be around those people and putting myself first and working on myself and that I’ve been so much healthier since I’ve been away. “It’s been like 3 years when she (my dads partner) hit her (me, his daughter) so I don’t understand why she’s holding a grudge that’s not how you wanna live your life.” (He doesn’t know I was listening to their conversation and there’s so many times I wanted to just scream and cry because of how hurt I felt)
I don’t understand how he can invalidate me, but expect me to wanna be close to him. I don’t have a mother figure, and I’ve barely had my dad the last couple of years and every single time we talk it turns into a fight because he doesn’t listen to what I say, and talks over me and invalidates everything that I say that I’m feeling. 
I don’t know what else to do, I’ve said everything I needed to and it’s not being heard and it hasn’t been for years. 
On top of everything; I lost my brother to addiction last year and they went to our families cemetery (hours and hours away) without me. I never got that closure. (When he passed he kept saying how I was always there for my brother and tried my best but then on the call yesterday he claims I held it against him that he used. Which is completely not true and was so fucking hurtful to hear.
I’m lost.