I have almost no sex drive and it would be very very rare that I'd ever want to do more than cuddle. So I identify as gray ace (since I don't think im 100% asexual). This is literally the first time I've ever met someone else who is asexual in person in my entire life. I need to be physically close to the people I'm romantically involved with (somewhat ironically) so I'd never want a long distance relationship.

I feel like things HAVE to work out with this girl because if they don't work out I will likely have to force myself to do things that I'm uncomfortable with in order to be in a relationship (the story of my past). And I feel uncertain about her and don't know if I can see it definitely turning into a longterm thing but I do want it to. I mean in the middle uncertain. I'm not leaning one way or the other.

I feel like the whole "this is my only shot at being fully accepted in a relationship" bit makes it very hard to judge any of my feelings rationally. When I told my best friend about her also being gray ace, she was like, "Wow, I really hope it works out because that will never happen again." I'm not mad at her for saying that because she's not wrong. I don't live in a highly populated area so the probability is extremely unlikely.

I don't think people realize how isolating asexuality can be as a sexual orientation. Most people are interested in sex and I'm not.