I want to end my life. And I’m not just saying that, I’m  fantasizing over my own suicide. 

Im in pain. Nobody around me cares about me. Literally. I feel like people only talk to me when they need me. 

idk. I have a brother who has CP, had it since birth. He can’t talk, he can’t walk, he’s 100% reliant on people. My parents made the choice to take care of him until they no longer can. 

Well, they no longer can. They can’t lift him anymore and he’s yelling constantly and out of control and I can’t fucking deal with it anymore. My dad yells back and sometimes gets physical with him. But when I say something about it, I’m the bad guy. 

My parents only care about my brother. Not me. My mom has a ranking list of who she cares about: the pets, my brother, my dad, then me. It’s unofficial but it feels like it’s true. 

I’m just done. I want to kill myself. I want my mom to tell me, who she’d rather save: me, or my brother. If she chooses my brother then I’m 100% going to kill myself. She doesn’t give a fuck about me. 

Nobody does. I googled “how to tie a noose” and the first thing that popped up was the suicide awareness thing. Then wikihow. It has a good article but some pictures wouldn’t load. 

I could OD. I could do many things. I just want to die. I’m done with this world. I’m done with this life. Maybe my next one will be better.