I get this pit of despair in my heart and mind the second I leave the presence of my friends, knowing it's time to go back to my normal, miserable routine. I get all these happy moments with them when I hang out, but the second I'm out the door, those memories are replaced with the dread of being alone and descending back into my void for another week or two again. 

I'm already pretending to be happy half the time I'm in the presence of others, so when it's over I hang my happy mask up and turn the personality switch back to being the real me, the one noone wants to be around or see. 

I love my friends but I don't feel comfortable drowning them in my issues, they're not really that kind of people amd no conversation I have with them is ever constructive or positive. 

It feels like hanging out with normal people makes me worse because it gives me this feeling that I can't be like that, and then this emptiness sets in when they're gone.