... then there's a financial crisis starting in my country and I'll barely be able to afford mortgage even with parent's help (and generally bills for utilities for our family will be high af which makes me even more ashamed of my weakness ans inability to work a more high paying job).

Ahh thanks brain! Couln't you do it like 5 years ago then I had bigger salary and no world crisises at the moment? Or did it happen precisely because I'll not be able to afford hobbies? I can definitely see depressed brain doing that to make be feel worse because then you have depression it feels like your brain is trying to kill you or make as miserable as possible (which is that depression does).

I'm trying to find a second job to make more money but there's not a lot of options for a person with my "skills" and health problems. Also people my age usually are married/have SO, so it's easier financially (and usually have apartments inherited from grandparents so no mortgages either) which makes me envious and even more ashamed.

The inability to buy things for your hobbies is of course a small inconvinience compared to is waiting us during financial crisis. So I'm sitting here frantically trying to find second job being scared deadly of what can happen because my parents are old and also have health problems *and* I have ooold sick grandparents as well. So many things can go wrong and I'm so scared I can't stop thinking about it.

I really wish I was a normal person and not a burden so I could help my family during rough times.