I've struggled with relationships my whole life. No one has ever stuck, and the ones that did were narcissistic, abusive, awful men. I've been truly single 3 years now but there's just been alot of failed talking stages. My heart is extremely shattered and hardened.

I rent my moms downstairs and she was in a peculiar mood today. Honestly alot of my bpd stems from her parenting. After my dad died the good parent was gone and she's very toxic, but she helps with my kids.

Today she told me I needed to get a new job to finally meet a man to take care of me and the kids. (My viewpoint is very independent, although it would be nice to have someone) she was really rude and persistent about it. She really just wants us to move out but I have nowhere else to go.

It was just really hurtful. Like I get it, don't you fucking see no one wants me? I've tried. I've tried so hard to find love and it just bites me in the ass. Im used and abused and im honestly exhausted and just so deeply hurt. 

Well mom im sorry im so unwanted that you can get rid of us fast enough. Jesus. I really don't want my progress to go down but this really hurts.