I've been depressed for ±6 years now, but I've been particularly down these last couple of months, experiencing constant suicidal ideation. I feel like my family is noticing my depressive behavior, but attribute it to other stuff which ends up being unhelpful or even hurtful when attributed to my personality.

The hurtful comments are mostly from my siblings, but I'm particularly worried how my depressive symptoms affect my mother as she has gotten worried. Apparently she had called my sister crying about how worried she is about me. However, she also seems to attribute it to other stuff (e.g., parenting, personality, et cetera) and her attempts to combat my depressive behaviors only make me feel worse. 

I know what many of you are thinking, that is I should communicate. I've tried in the past. My family isn't a safe space for such communication. Matter of fact, I don't have any good support systems at all currently. I've reached a point where I am unable to communicate. I completely shut down as I feel convinced it will only worsen the situation somehow. I am stuck.