  

First off I appreciate anyone willing to read my lengthy explanation. I understand that I will not find a medical diagnosis here, I’m looking to see if anyone could have an insight on how I am feeling, other than nervous and lost. I will explain a little bit about my backstory of the past year and half to make this as informative as I can. So, I got divorced in September of 2020 and had to move back in with my mother, the divorce didn’t bother me as much as the change of the divorce did. I work from home and had to move everything to my mothers location. I got over the divorce rather quickly as I felt like a roommate with my x wife. I adapted to the change rather well. I started seeing someone in Dec of 2020 and had an awful rebound relationship due to the person lying and manipulating me, the stress was too much to bear as I was co dependent and stayed longer than I should have. This relationship ended in April 2021. During this time I purchased a home due to the crazy market I made a bad decision and purchased in an area where I no longer wanted to be. So renovated it and sold it in may of 2021, I took a marginal loss. About 5 weeks after I ended the first relationship I decided to date again (too soon I know) I thought this person was attractive and seemed like a decent woman so I decided to go on date to keep me busy if nothing else as I was back living with my mother. During this time I purchased a condo in July 2021. I began to date her and saw a lot of red flags but continued to stay for the same reasons I did before (clearly not learning my lesson). Turns out eventually towards the end of the relationship in Nov 2021 she ends up getting really drunk one night and threatening to kill me and herself with a knife, ill called the cops and had her admitted after wrestling her with a knife. Things ended after that and I was again extremely stressed/depressed and anxious now having to face all of my feelings. My brother came to visit me for a few days as he wanted to take me out a couple months later in Jan 2022. We went out and I had a great time however, I drank more than I ever have in my life, I was talking with women and felt amazingly confident which I hadn’t felt in years. I drank somewhere between 20-25 beers in 12 hours. I woke up the next morning after sleeping for 11 hours which I never did and woke up in extreme panic ( a type of panic and headache which I never experienced before, also my emotions were all over the place.) I typically sleep worse when im hungover. I was in panic mode for 3 days after when I remembered at the end of the night someone who I thought was my brother reached around me and asked me to try this drink. I gabbed the cup and drank it realizing it was just about an inch of water at the bottom of the cup. I turned around to look from my brother and he was across the room, clearly wasn’t him who gave it to me, I started to feel extremely tired and lost my balance at which point my brother took me home. My knees were buckling. I do remember most of the night and wasn’t sick the next day. I never vomit when I drink a lot. I don’t know if I was roofied or what. I have not been the same since that day. I have had sever anxiousness throughout my body 3-4 days out of the week with almost constant headaches. To be fair I have had anxiety my entire life however, it was always present due to my thoughts. This anxiety turns on and off without reason. I typically have pressure headaches that send pain to my nose and feel anxious. This lasts for days and typically at the fourth day really feeling anxious it will just stop like a switch without my control. My heart does not race, I’m not having a panic attack, I’m not worried about being roofied or what transpired that night. Since that night I have had brain fog that interferes with my work. Headaches and nervousness that comes and goes out of nowhere not controlled by worry or fear. I went to my Dr. who gave me Ativan for 3 weeks which did help for the first week however, it stopped after a week, he insisted I still take it. Rebound anxiety wasn’t fun. I still have the effects of headaches almost daily and ill be anxiety free for about 2 days, the remainder of the days are just feeling of anxiousness in my arms legs and face which worsens when I focus on work, any type of stress adds to it however, doesn’t appear to start it as the other two days I can work without issue. I am afraid I did permanent brain damage By either A- from drinking too much combined with whatever that person gave to me. B-I stopped breathing in my sleep from the combination of how much I drank with the drug. Or C- I overdosed and didn’t know it. I tried explaining this to family, friends, Dr. and my therapist who all believe I have a form of PTSD.    

I am about to try an SSRI to see if this helps, I have held off this long in fear of the side effects. I have tried diet changes, meditation, gym 4 times per week. I see a therapist. Im lost, if you can offer any word of advise, I apricate it.