Me and my problems with art and narcissism... It's fucking me over every day, and I want to kill myself so much, but I can't.

I want to talk to my brothers, I want to talk to my friends (despite how little I interact with them), and I have. But it'd always go nowhere. They can't fix my dumb issues, and then I feel bad. Definitely being a sink on their mood, and potentially distracting them from important things. I don't want to bother them anymore.

I want to just grin and bear it, and rough my way to the things I want. I tried, but it went nowhere. With art, you can't really force it if you don't have true passion. It's all I want, but so many aspects of it are screwed for me.

I feel awful daily, and I want to end it. Every time I want to, but realize I'm too much of a pussy, I'll punch myself in the gut as punishment.

And a lot of me wants to make this 'move' I have in mind. I really don't want to do it, but it's starting to feel like my only option for either getting a point through, or convincing myself to exit.

I'm at a loss. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm in limbo.