Okay so I've already been diagnosed with bipolar disorder with psychosis. I was hospitalized because of psychosis for almost a month before. Right now I don't know what to do because I know I'm not necessarily experiencing psychosis at the moment but i have moments where I'm completely disconnected from reality and paranoid as hell. I'm already scared that people are watching me and listening to me on a daily basis and it's been this way since i was 11. Last night I was going to make a post because I didn't know if it was normal to believe that I have certain spiritual powers and can predict the future with my art and I'm better and above my land lords wife that's why she's so awful to me or not. Everytime i try to go to sleep i get terrified that i am going to die. Im so uncomfortable and restless. My thoughts have been racing, I can't really eat anymore, i can't concentrate, i keep having to drag myself back to reality and basically begging myself not to be believe certain things. I don't know what to do and everyday it feels harder and harder to pull myself back and I'm scared that I won't be able to do it anymore soon.

i also can't contact my ex psychiatrist because she'll instantly put me in the psych ward like last time but that place is horrible and traumatized me every single time i went there. I feel like there are shit toon of ants crawling around my head and face under my skin. I told my sister if anything happens to me to keep me in the house and not to let the police take me and she said she would. I don't feel like myself or that I'm in control of my body. Last night i tried to make a post about all this in r/mentalillness but a deep loud voice in ny head told me to delete it and i lost control of my body and deleted it against my will. I feel like there is something in ky head. I feel like there's something off and wrong and broken and that I'm not alone in my own body. I can't talk about people anyone because I'm convinced that the person can hear what im saying even though they're not in my house and that they can hear me through the electronic devices, i think my roommate hide cameras somewhere in the house so she can see when i take things from the fridge when she's not home because she thinks I'm going to use everything, i don't like going outside vecause ut feels like people are watching ke in the bushes. Everything feels wrong and I feel like everyone hates me and is against me and I just need to hide away for a long time. I feel scared and unsafe and the ants won't leave my brain. they're crawling down my back now  I don't like this why won't they just leave. i need to get away from everything. i want to go into the mountains like the obeah people. they have peace in the mountains yeah . they have peace there. i think I'm going to do something idk maybe try to draw or something idk idk idk idk udk ill try something idk idk
I don't think this is psychosis 
i think that maybe i need to pray more or something 
i feel like god is punishing me for not serving him anymore and so i need to get ny life in check 
my brain won't shut and it's fighting with it's self and the voices in my head are f8ghts and all the fighting and the fightyeing gaiang again and agin and idk idk it's fine 
I'm going to go drink water and see if it'll make me feel better because I can't breatge properly and my chest hurts