Basically the title. I’ve been tossing between “...this guy is actually manipulating me” and “this is your BPD splitting/overreacting ...” for a while (11 months) only to realise after a session with my psychologist that it is in fact “deal breaking behaviour” this guy is doing. I use this term because my last partner cheated on me and blamed me for it. I wasn’t giving him enough attention while my Dad was dying in palliative care you see, so that was a good reason to cheat. I took him back after promising he’d change, can you believe he DIDNT?! ... so we spent a lot of time working on my boundaries, my expectations of a romantic partner and my “deal breaking behaviours” so if this ever came up again I could reference it, and hopefully see reason. 
However. This isn’t working. It started with very minor boundary crossing in the beginning and then a whole string of incidents where promises of changes are made, and then broken.
I can’t leave. I’m terrified of ending things. I DESPERATELY want this man to love me... Every time I’m distracted or sufficiently convinced he simply “didn’t know better due to x,y &amp; z” I’m back where it began, awaiting another painful incident. We live together. I am so lost. I want some hope? Or something ... maybe some reassurance that I’m not the only one with what feels like “dumb idiot” written on my forehead...