 I'm currently in a relationship that just hit the two-month mark, and for the last week or so, I've been feeling like something was "Off" with my partner. Their tone. Their energy. My internal narrative took over and I started wondering if my BF was distancing himself. If something was wrong. Why his jokes and teases feel more personal and like genuine irritations.

I asked him if anything was wrong. He said no.

I told him how much I cared for him. He smiled.

Something had to be going wrong, right? Something always does.

Turns out that something is me. I googled what I was feeling (because this is my first relationship since being diagnosed), and here it is. My exact pattern of behavior. I showed my BF this and everything clicked for us both. My internal narrative has taken over reality once more. The only thing *off* about my relationship is that everything on my end is being perceived through a negative filter. Knowing this has really helped me, so I wanted to share to see if others can relate.

&amp;#x200B;

* **Stage 1:** A new relationship begins, and while it appears positive, it’s often also perceived as moving quickly. However, there seems to be a mutual desire to build a future together. One partner, usually the one with BPD, idealizes the relationship based on a few dates. They may begin to fixate on the relationship and this person.
* **Stage 2:** The BPD partner becomes increasingly sensitive to everything their partner does or says. Negative perceptions trigger fears of abandonment and feelings of low self-worth. The BPD partner begins to tell themselves a narrative about how their partner doesn’t love them.
* **Stage 3:** The partner with BPD sets up a situation in the relationship that pushes the other person to demonstrate their love. Their goal is to feel worthy and put a stop to anxiety by leading or manipulating the other person to show affection
* **Stage 4:** Inconsistency and instability causes friction and discord. There may be more issues, causing that same anxiety to come back stronger. The partner without BPD may appear calm and happy, but by this stage, their needs are unlikely to be met. This creates a bigger wedge.
* **Stage 5:** The non-BPD partner usually leaves the relationship at this point. The BPD partner may try to explain and make excuses for what occurred, while the non-BPD partner is emotionally checked out.
* **Stage 6:** The BPD partner may feel depressed and angry and start to experience extreme mood swings. They believe the negative inner monologue that says they’re worthless. Their emotional volatility is so strong that they may engage in risky, life-threatening behaviors and/or become suicidal.

&amp;#x200B;

It does make me wonder how many of us have insisted that our partners were doing something differently, how many perceived slights and insults did we take offense to, when they were only taking place in our head? I know this has been a problem for me in the past, but seeing it written out in bullet points has done wonders for me. Now, my BF is more mindful of this pattern, and I can stop myself from spiraling.

It is funny how textbook we are sometimes.