I just got out of a relationship of 1 year. It was getting really unhealthy and we were codependent. I had literally not hung out with any friends other than GF and barely seen family other than GF, probably in about 6 months. 

Now we’ve broken up and she’s moved out. I have social anxiety, really bad. Even when she and I were together, I wasn’t working due to anxiety and OCD (and crohns), I was not leaving the house unless she was with me. I do not drive due to panic attacks. I don’t have money to get rides to places. 

I’m going to a local agency for therapy and I have an appointment with their psychiatrist in March, but I’m not very hopeful for improvement. I’m 19 this month, but I’ve been in therapy and on medication for years. I still struggle with anxiety. 
I graduated from high school last year and occasionally text 2 of my friends from school. I haven’t seen any of them in months. 

The only person I really see and talk to is my alcoholic and also jobless father, who makes me feel like a guest in my house. 

I’m working on going back to school, but right now my life is crap. My weekly therapy appointment is the only thing I look forward to. But even that, I dread in a way. Because I hate the Uber there, I hate to be in the waiting room with the strangers, and even my therapist makes me nervous. 

Sometimes I want to walk to get fast food or to the store, and I have too much anxiety to do that, because I think the passing cars are judging me for not having a car and license. Or once I get to my destination, I’m panicking. 

But I’m so lonely. This isolation is killing me. I love people, I love love and I love happiness and laughter. This lonely life is doing me in. I’m not happy. I think of suicide like every day. And these are all things my therapist knows. I don’t know what to do. I can’t even get myself to go to the support groups for depression in my area or to church. 
Not to be incredibly morbid and dark, but suicide seems like a good thing. I’m a burden to society and to the people who care about me. They avoid me because I’m a disappointment, or they’ve left me. I don’t see hope for improvement. I just want it to all end. 