I’m in a really dark place atm with my mh and wanting to just give in to the dark thoughts to stop the recurring traumas and badness from taking over. 

I hate this. I don’t want todo something silly but I feel like it’s my only escape from the tournament inside my head.

I’ve been abused my whole life and the man who I thought would never hurt me, did over a year ago. I’m trying to forgive him for what he did but it’s hard. I love him execpt the really bad thing he did to me when he was drunk. He’s completely heart broken over what he did and it kills him every day. I’ve thought of leaving him many times but he’s amazing despite this thing he’s done. 

Every time I close my eyes or go to sleep I can see all the bad things that have happened before we were together and when we try to have sex all I can see is what he did to me or my previous partners have done. This guy is my best friend but I’m struggling to deal with what he’s done. 

Sorry for rambling:( I’m at such a loss. I don’t see an escape from this