I’d self-harmed and also had several tattoos out of impulse. I regretted two tattoos about my then close guy friend (who was my favorite person) and I’m having them laser removed. Coping with feelings of fear of losing someone is tough. I’d told people I care about on my tendency to get worried and they are all very kind and supportive. I just wish I’m tougher so my mind would stop telling me I’m not good enough and panic whenever I think people are leaving me. 

I manage to comfort myself by this technique of soothing myself telling myself everything will be okay but it does not always work. On some occasion I needed to contact my friends for emotional support. I compare myself to a dog relying on routine and systematic reassurance to feel fine. 

My psychiatrist said I have BPD traits and I live in a fantasy world inside my head unable to differentiate which is real and not. It is tough for me being an adult having the emotional maturity of a child. Most people won’t understand that and the kind ones calls me innocent while the unkind tell me I’m dumb or both sometimes. I really want to be tougher which is why I’m taking medications and going through therapy to become a better version of myself.