TW: su!cide, murder. Pls don't read if you're depressed. 21F. I was in so much pain for the last few days. I was angry with God and everything. I wanted to die. The other day I was driving with my parents and I am just learning to drive. I took off my hands from the steering for a moment. And then I put it back. I'm scared. I wanted to die but does that count as attempt to murder?
I can't honestly remember my intention. I have started driving less anxious because I am not scared of dying anymore. Before I used to be very very anxious. I am still learning to drive. Plus I have suicidal thoughts and urges. I had the urge yesterday and I removed one hand. My dad saw and laughed and told me to put both hands. Had he not told me, I would've crashed. Only thing is I didnt even think about this entire incident for the whole of yyesterday.I randomly remembered it today and now I am really freaking out. I first got anxious cuz I thought that homicide and suicide was my intention and I was sure of it. Now one hour later, i am not really sure what my intention was. Maybe i was just trying to be cool? Maybe I got confident? Idk. What should I do. Oh another thing is that I had no practice in driving. I hadn't driven in 2years either. I had never driven in the dark. But the other day I felt daring and indulging in risky behavior and so I asked if I could drive my friends car. I was really bad at it and I kept screaming but I did it anyway cuz I wasnt scared to die because I was depressed. My friends were scared of my screaming and driving. I almost drove on into the fields cuz I couldnt see in the dark. I drove on the wrong side of the road cuz I have bad road sense. Does this count?