I can't handle work, ever. I can't be healthy at home, all I can do is think about the next time I work, even 4 hour shifts are too much to worry about and think about. I'm incompetent and anxious and depressed, I feel like I'd rather kill myself than work. I can't pull myself up by my bootstraps and I can't just "suck it up", the crushing dread I feel when I wake up is agonizing, I think I'd rather die. The soonest I can get therapy is May and this job is already swallowing me whole, I don't know what to do. I feel like I need to be put on disability or just die. I'm used up.