I sleep all day now. The times where I can’t sleep I either stare blankly, or spend all my time on my phone. I’ve noticed it get worse and worse the more insane and trapped I feel in my own home. Everything has been falling apart for me for years, and I’m at an inescapable rock bottom. The only way for me to not burst out in suicidal anger is my dissociating and forgetting I’m alive. Today I decided to go outside, and I got so terrified of my own mind that I paralyzed myself and closed my eyes hoping to die. I can’t breathe as myself, I have to be far far away from myself just to be able to think.