Hi, I suffer from depression and several other things but those arent important right now. I am in the middle of said episode so everything feels really off so if something in this post doesnt make sense, please ask me about it. Long story short, every time I get out of a depressive episode, I get sent through a loop that results in another depressive episode but right before that happens I enter this weird dream-like state of extreme clarity. I feel both like a 4th dimensional being and a 2 dimensional object. I feel like my brain; my mind has the capability to see every outcome of everything thats currently happening, that happened in the past and thats going to happen in the very near future. My thoughts are racing through my mind - hundreds of them every minute and I can almost hear a dialogue between several versions of me, each one talking about one of the hundreds of thoughts. Its not just 2 me’s, there are several of them. The best way to describe it is like the final scene of neon genesis evangelion but instead of people atanding around shinji, its all just me, me standing around me. All of this is happening in my head as my body feels almost paralyzed by everything going on in that brain of mine. I feel like this is the purest form of my consciousness, the most truly sentient and free state of mind. I can physically move and observe stuff around me but it feel unnatural to do so in this state, almost like im SUPPOSED To be stuck in my head when this happens. It feels like I am the only being with true free will and everyone else is a puppet who thinks they are in control, when in reality I am probably the puppet in this state the my brain is the puppeteer. Reality doesnt feel real and the world in my brain feels like its the true reality. Im also currently seeing my computer screen light up when in my peripheral vision but when I check its completely dark and obviously turned off. I always forget all of this every happening after it finally turns into another depressive episode until it happens again and I remember im stuck in a loop. Does anyone have any idea what I could be experiencing? Maybe a psychotic episode? Im desperate for any kind of clue to whats going on during this whole process.