Hi friends. I have been struggling with my relationship for a little while now. My partner and I have been together for 2.5 years, things were going well for awhile. He even brought up marriage. To my BPD mind, that was everything. Within the past 6 months though, due to several outside situations with my mom and others in my life, I have had several setbacks and the relationship has struggled. I have been engaged in treatment for awhile, but my borderline symptoms have been highlighted as of recent. I have engaged in unhealthy behaviors with a male friend of mine, probably a reaction to these situations I have been experiencing and trying to grasp on to anything I can to not feel abandoned. This has been a pattern of mine in the past, but I thought it was solved, clearly it wasn't. My partner has been struggling with impulsivity due to his bipolar. He refuses medication and treatment. This has caused him to lose his job which has led to an array of money issues in the relationship. I have had to take care of money and other responsibilities as of late. He has continuously spend the little money he does have on impulsive buys such as alcohol, weed, snacks, and video games. This has caused a lot of stress for me. In the past week, we have had severe physical fights and have decided to take a break. During this break, we are both planning on working on ourselves and deciding if this is what I want. I am really struggling with the abandonment triggers in this decision. I am also unsure of what I want out of this situation. I don't trust my own judgement in this situation. I don't know whats true or not and I don't know how to cope properly with all of this. Im terrified that I am going to make the wrong decision or lose him. If I lose him, im scared I won't be able to find anyone who could love me. But im also not happy in my relationship and where we are at right now is incredibly hard on my mental health. Does anyone have advice?