37 year old female here.  Since my early 20s I have felt mentally unwell but have never been diagnosed.  I have seen counselors from time to time (about 5 separate occasions) but I've never stuck with it.  After doing some some research on BPD, I feel like this explains most of my poor behaviour and struggles over the years. I don't feel like it's a severe case as I'm able to function normally in my job/life/most relationships, but I also have frequent occurrences of rage, lack of impulse control and substance abuse issues.   I have had many personal relationships disintegrate and turn absolutely volatile due to my behaviour.  It happens the majority of time with those I have been romantically involved with.  

I can't really afford extensive therapy right now, so hoping for some guidance on what has helped others with BPD?  What are things I can do on my own to help me recover from this? I'm so tired of feeling this way and need help.  I'm not afraid to do the work but I don't know where to start.  

After another failed relationship (he basically said he wishes he never met me), I'm feeling old and alone and like I'm a hopeless person who sabotages everything.

Thanks in advance for reading.