My boyfriend of 2.5 years left me. I applied to grad school and am now stuck for months waiting for results, not even sure if or where I will get accepted. So I will be moving in 6 months and I have no idea where, except I’m pretty sure I won’t have any friends or family wherever I do land, and if I get in the program will be really hard and push me to my limits. My dog also has a bad anxiety disorder too, and medication and training still are not helping, even after months of work with her. I feel so lonely and hurt and afraid and my anxiety, depressive thoughts and eating disorder compulsions are all spiking like crazy. It’s like I have no control over ANYTHING in my life right now, and the helpless hopeless feelings keep confirming to me I am just broken beyond repair, so much so that my efforts are useless. This extremely painful breakup feels like the first shoe to drop and my years of passion and work toward the future I wanted are about to be wiped out. I am tired of barely managing and nothing working out and constantly coping with anxiety. It’s like my whole life I have been just surviving and I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to truly thrive, despite years of therapy and medication and effort. It gets easier, but not very much. I am looking for some light shining through the darkness to tell me it’s all worth it. I am only 24 and life is long and I am loved and I am extremely fortunate, but none of that is landing for me right now… as much as I try to focus on the good and open myself up to the new experiences change and transition bring, the pain and fear and panic and loneliness still seem to drown everything else out. I want to show myself compassion but the self-loathing is so strong right now. I wish my brain regulated stress just, a liiitttle bit better!