I was diagnosed with GAD in the fall and prescribed duloxetine (taken twice a day) after a bad panic attack. 

Starting the medication made me feel like I was dying. I remember nausea, high blood pressure, dizziness, restlessness and difficulty sleeping. I seriously just wanted to chuck the bottle away and not take another pill. Fortunately, I didn't because I knew it was a process and I'm not going to get better overnight. 

A week or so into the medication, I would forget a dosage two days in a row. And I paid the price for that. 

I don't know what exactly happened, but I had an awful anxiety attack. I just remember pacing so much to the point that I went outside to pace even more. I was shaking, crying and had a lot of violent and intrusive thoughts. I was scared of everything and myself. Luckily, I called a friend that night and she ended up calming me down. Then I eventually went to sleep and got back on track the next day. 

After a couple weeks or so of being medicated was when my experiences turned around, and the initial side effects subsided.  

I became a lot more chill and mellow. I was able to relax in a way I've never felt before. I was able to go with the flow, brush off almost every negative thought and keep on sailing. Beforehand I used to trip over my words, stutter and speak with a nervous/strained cadence. But suddenly, I was able to speak with more confidence, better flow, no stuttering, and even initiated conversations a lot more. 

The downside was more violent intrusive thoughts, but I was too laid back to be over worried and just ignored them. 

Now that I've been off duloxetine for a few months now, it's hard to not compare the medicated me and unmedicated me. 

My GAD has come back full swing.

I'm no longer mellow anymore. I'm stressing out super easily about trivial things, like: wondering if people don't like me, are hiding something from me, secretly making fun of me, if I'm going to survive after moving out, if I'm going to die while I'm driving, if loved ones are hiding things from me, is someone trying to sabotage my life, etc. You get the picture. 

The stuttering and strained speech came back as well. I even had a panic attack from just being on Instagram (for some of the aforementioned reasons) and stopped posting ever since. 

Although I've improved a lot on managing my GAD, I'm still nowhere near the level of the mellow and easygoing nature from duloxetine. I just miss feeling in control and being peaceful. I was able to be more productive and even spent more time outside just goofing around with my dog. And now it's more difficult to do things without a whole essay of "what ifs" in my head. 

I honestly feel like I'm also getting depressed because of it. Just feeling like I can't handle things like I used to makes me feel useless. 

I just hope I can be that way once again.