**I'm sorry this is long, I just want to hear some opinions please**

I have a weird opinion of myself - when speaking of myself or thinking of myself, I always feel as though I am not attractive enough etc. But I always feel like I need reassurance from my boyfriend about being pretty, the best, etc. One time, after I asked him about another girl he is friends with that I thought was pretty and I asked him if he thought she was prettier, he said we were about equal and we were both the prettiest girls that he knew. This pissed me off SO much and set me off, because in the past when I asked him that he said that I was the prettiest. I asked him why he lied in the past and he said that he 'didn't know' and 'maybe trying to save my feelings because I freak out about irrelevant things like that'. 

I guess at least that means he is being honest? He admits that this other girl (which he doesn't like or has had feelings for before, btw) is the same amount of prettiness as me so I guess that means he's not lying when he says I'm beautiful etc.? But it depresses me sometimes because I wish I was the prettiest?

And he told me I'm the prettiest and best personality and best body out of everyone he's been with, which made me feel better. 

But once he said that (I think I asked him straight up about this this, I don't think he said this out of the blue) that he is drawn more to and normally likes blonde girls the best, and this pissed me off, because I have brown hair. Both of his exes had blonde hair. After badgering him, he said that he likes my hair and that 'it's just plain is all'. That made me angry too. And I have an irrational feeling that if there is another girl who is blonde he will think she is more attractive than me just because he likes that hair colour better. And he said that I would look good with ombre hair, which in turn made me question if he said that because he wished I was blonde. 

In addition, he's away for two months across the country for work and he is working with a girl that he admitted was pretty after I asked him about her, and it's been rocky this past week since he started working because I'm always afraid that he's talking with her or likes her better even though he said I was prettier. And I hate when he tells me he had brief conversations at work with her (because I ask) and it makes me jealous.

Why am I SO obsessed with being the prettiest, having the best body, and the best personality? Why do these STUPID THINGS set me off? And why do I get so jealous of other girls around him being pretty? It's really putting a strain on our relationship and he thinks I'm insane. I feel insane.

And has anyone else had experiences being completely OBSESSED with their physical appearance? 