I’m thing have been depressed and stress for so long that my body is getting used to live like this, i literally can’t enjoy anything, i push myself in trying over and over again to see the good things in life, i feel so lonely.. i don’t live in my country, i feel i used to have many friends and people who genuinely care about me and now.. just superficial friendships.. im scared because i know i need help but i can’t afford paying for help.. how unfair right? 

It’s hard.. something i just want to close my eyes and literally don’t open them again.. i feel lonely i feel like nobody cares about me… not even my husband no even my “friends” not even my family.. i feel i fail everyday and every-time, i see people social media full of fun stuff and i really really want to belong.. but everyday im getting lonely.. 

i feel like nobody likes me on my job and maybe they do but i feel so insecure about everything.. i feel i’m not enough, why if they don’t like me.. what if they fire me… 
i thought i had control over my emotions but not anymore.. 

why i can’t feel normal? like i used to?