I think about how much I want to die. Several times a day, I find myself saying it out loud to myself. It almost has no meaning anymore... the phrases "I want to die" or "I wish I was dead". 

Sometimes scenarios play on my head of how I should do it. The most recent being driving into the path of a passing train. 

I don't live for my own sake. People rely on me. I have to go through life constantly exhausted. Always wanting it to end. Never having any real relief.