When I was 13, I came across an article about "Inferiority complex". That was the first time I found words for how I felt and had been feeling for some time. I had no one to talk to, so I ate it. Now i am almost 80 and still feel the same way but now I have a whole fucked-up life for evidence that i was right in the first place. It was just in the last year that I came to understand about BPD etc. So, my advice is to get help if you think you need it. I knew I made a lot of mistakes, but i didn't realize how fundamentally messed up i am. Now it's too late to do much about it. fyi, there are many informative videos on YouTube about this stuff, some better than others. One I like is Dr. Todd Grande. Good Luck to all.