So, I’m having some issues with a close friend of mine. He knows about my BPD diagnosis, and is holding it against me, even though he doesn’t think it’s an accurate diagnosis. I disagree and think it’s right, but anyway. For a while he’s been making comments like “I know there’s a chance you’ll turn on me, but that’s a risk I’m willing to take.” and those comments really hurt me. I’m aware of splitting causing that behavior in others, but I’m more likely to quietly implode instead of acting out and accusing someone of being terrible. I’ve explained this to him, but it hasn’t done any good.

I tried to have a couple of different conversations with him about his behavior, but I feel like I didn’t get anywhere. All he does is apologize and then refuse to change what he’s doing. He downplays it, acts like it was a one time thing when it wasn’t. The second time we talked he said, “Holding grudges is exactly what someone with BPD would do,” and he said that because I was still upset. I tried to explain that I was upset because he’s still holding my diagnosis against me, but he’s not really listening. It feels like he’s watching me for signs of BPD and it’s honestly kinda creepy.

When I asked him why he’s still doing it even though he thinks the diagnosis is wrong, he said that “a professional thought it was accurate, so I have to consider that it might be accurate until we get a second opinion.” I don’t understand. I don’t view that as an excuse for treating me like I might be a bad person, especially since up until now we’ve been close friends.

To be fair to him, he has some past trauma related to an ex partner who had BPD, so I recognize that he can’t turn his reactions off. But I feel like everything I do is being analyzed and anything that I say could be held against me later. What happens if we have a conflict about something else? Will we be able to resolve it like adults? I really don’t wanna lose him as a friend, but his behavior hurts me and I’m not willing to accept it.

Anybody have any ideas on what I should do here? I don’t wanna just cut him off, especially since we’re so close, but I don’t want to deal with his shit either. I’m not a bad person, and I don’t deserve to be treated like I might secretly be one.


TLDR: friend holding my BPD against me, refuses to stop, is creepily watching me for signs of the disorder. Not sure what to do.