Hi. So, uh I’m really awkward and don’t really know where to begin. Someone in passing suggested that maybe I sign up for Reddit and this is where I’m at because I really don’t know where to go or who to talk to. 

I am 31F, diagnosed with BPD in my late-ish 20s. Most of my adult life I have struggled with damn near everything. Any kind of relationship- familial, friendly, romantic/sexual. Any kind of responsibility is absolute torture. Work feels like I am bleeding internally. I feel like I am beginning to reach a breaking point. 

Recently someone I thought was a good friend, one of 5 years... just got really shitty with me out of the blue. I really don’t know what I did and the only way to describe it is, I’m heartbroken. He was a person that I felt grounded me in a way that I desperately needed. There was never any expectations, we’ve never really argued. I’ve never cheated or stolen from him in anyway. He helped me get the job where I’m at now and he was always the first person I called when I accomplished something at my job. I can’t imagine that he would be so angry with me for not seeing a text message knowing damn well my job is driving. But after going through our communication almost obsessively, he’s really throwing away 5 years of friendship over a text...

Because if this, I am overthinking everything. I really want to quit my job. I want to clean out my truck and turn in and leave everything associated with this guy at the impound lot. 

I don’t know how to cope with anything. I feel like having this disorder means I am just meant to be alone and miserable all my life. I don’t want to feel this way, but without health insurance or knowing any resources I am lost. 

Thanks for taking the time to read