Apologies because I know this has been asked before but I can't find the thread. I'm mainly looking for opinions.

So over the past year or so I've come to realise that I identify as gender non-binary, and may possibly even be trans (ftm). I also have a BPD diagnosis.

When I mentioned this to a mental health worker several months ago I was told that this is a symptom of BPD and I should not take it seriously. I have also spoken to a friend whose father is a psychologist and agrees that it is a symptom, although adds that it doesn't make it any less real.

Lately it's been taking up every layer of my conscious and subconscious mind. My gender is definitely not female, and never has been. It's only in the past year that I have been looking into gender, realised that it is different to sex, and my gender is not the same as my sex.

I am finding that trying on neutral pronouns (changed title to Mx after marriage, asking very close friends to call me Hans, they/them) wearing mens clothes and binding my chest eases some of my symptoms of BPD and is very comfortable.

But I'm too scared to go to a doctor in case it gets written off as a symptom and not real. It's only since a close friend told me that she has always known I was not female and said I had told her this when we were both young teenagers (which I don't remember but I trust her), that I have begun to trust that these feelings are more than just a symptom.

I'm still scared to talk to a professional about it though. I'm also terrified of it causing my marriage to break down - my husband knows about my gender struggles and is amazingly supportive but has also said that he doesn't think he would be attracted to me if I decide to transition, and he would feel uncomfortable going out in public if I were attempting to present as male. I don't hold it against him though as he is a straight man and I understand his meaning. He wants to call me his wife and use she/her.

I guess my question is, are there any other people in a similar situation re their gender? Do you think gender struggles and BPD are mutually exclusive? And if anyone has spoken to their doctors about this, how did you get on?

Thank you for reading.