This may not be a bipolar issue specifically but it is one that is exasperated by my mental illness. I have such a hard time moving on from past hurt and abuse. 

I’m in a healthy relationship and I feel like I’m fighting everything inside of me not to run away. I’m constantly battling with guilt about my mental illness and how that affects my relationship. My bf is so sweet and kind and I don’t want to take that for granted by dwelling on the past. Sometimes the thoughts are too strong. I cry in incredible pain in his arms at the thought of my mental illness being a burden. I want to run away and end my relationship before I finally overdo it. No one has ever loved me as unconditionally as him so I know I would hurt him deeply if I left because I am insecure of my mental illness. 

The more I avoid the feeling, the more pronounced it feels. I can face it head on some days but other’s end in an unnecessary argument because I have thought the absolute worse about something innocent. I feel very lonely sometimes because of this. 

Does anyone else feel this way?