It usually happens when I am anxious, sometimes I'm anxious without me knowing it my cat scratch scar tingles then I feel like I have Rabies then that's how I know that I'm anxious.

But it's sucks and it's pretty scary, I literally see things and it's difficult to read since letters become malformed, like I have dyslexia but I've never had a problem with reading before. I have t1 diabetes and my reading gets worse when my blood sugar is low.

Sometimes when I am not concentrating on something, it feels like my kind can't process what's around me and it distorts into things that I can't understand, sometimes I can't even concentrate and that can lead to anxiety.

I also have toxic encephalopathy from ingesting a toxic substance about possibly 10 years ago now. I'm 27 and I don't feel good about my future, sometimes I don't think about it but the symptoms make me think about those scary things. I have considered suicide many times before, but life is a prison that is hard to get out of peacefully, death is not scary, it's a release, but dying could be the worst thing that I could experience since your brain will be hallucinating the shit out of itself.

Ideally, my head would explode painlessly and suddenly without perceiving the DMT helllhole that the dying brain will inflict, I've been through some confused states not knowing where I am or what's going on and its so fucking terrifying because nothing makes sense nor do the sensations that you feel make sense, everything is so confusing in those states like you can't even comprehend a simple situation is just seems so alien to you, sometimes I get memory lapses and then I regain consciousness in a confused state, I hope my death will just be like a memory laspe but without getting into a confused or altered state, just peace, no more fears, no more worries.

I am trying to write a book at the moment, hopefully it will help those who read it, give people a new perspective and see things in a new light, I am still very capable of writing something great but not always, I have good days and bad days, I have many fears and many worries, sometimes life can be very scary. But sometimes we need to prepare for the worst and prepare to take the right course of action when the right time comes, my time has not come yet, but I will make that choice while I am still capable and coherant.