Hi all. This is my 1st post on Reddit and I'm not quite sure what I'm doing. 

So I struggle with bipolar,  PTSD, severe anxiety and depression. I have been abused in every way throughout my life. I tried to commit suicide when I was 13 because of years of neglect, physical and sexual abuse. I have had suicidal thoughts in 2019 after one of my abusers died. And struggled the past year because another abuser (my brother molested me from 10-13)  is in jail for abusing his step daughters. 

I am a survivor and quite proud of the wars I have fought and one and the book full of stories and lessons. 

But I am anxious. 6 weeks ago my brother's ex wife was hospitalized for trying to commit suicide.when she went for her psychiatric hold she told the therapist what they wanted to hear and refused help. (she told me this today) so when she called me this afternoon saying she had tried to hang herself this morning but it had taken to long, and if she had a gun she would have used it. I got very nervous. She has 4 kids, 3 still at home. My biggest thought was "omg what if her 10 year old had walked in to see her mom with a scarf around her neck or worse" I tried to talk her into seeking help, making an action plan, finding something to hope for. I tried talking to her about what the problems were. She repeated over and over she was done and didn't see the point in living and wanted to "end it" I kept asking to come over but she wouldn't let me. She told me she was going to hang up and work on a puzzle but her tone of voice filled me with dread and I felt like I failed. 

I was terrified for her and her kids. I knew things had been bad for months but this felt like my breaking point. I reported her to DHS and at their insistance, ask the police to do a welfare check.   

She was mad when the police showed up. But when DHS showed up she became enraged. I was told that DHS wouldn't remove the kids without cause, proof and corroboration. So when she told me the kids were being taken away I feel bad for her but I also feel like I did the right thing. She says she's done with me forever. I just want her to get help and her kids to be safe and looked after. They with be with their oldest sister tonight. And decisions will be made later.

 I don't feel guilty per se. Just bad and now my anxiety and depression are getting the best of me.