I just can’t shake it. I hate the way it makes me feel, makes me portray and definitely how it makes me think. It was only last year I started wishing the people who hurt me dead - I really hate that I think like that but in my head they tried to kill me and if I ever succeed in an attempt it would be their fault. 

Then with others i will love and hate them and hate that I fucking love them but also hate that I have to hate them too. 

I am stupidly consumed by my trauma. I know i won’t stop attempting if I continue to feel like this. It’s too much. It’s even proving the ‘feelings are temporary’ shit to be false. It’s been 2 years.