Now, before you judge this just by title, let me justify myself. 

I don't want to have a huge impact on the world. I don't want to be incredibly famous or influential, I don't care that much if a HUGE amount of people know who I am or what I do. But recently as I feel my depression come over me again I've started to question something.

I don't think I'll even have an impact on those close to me. Like I don't think I play an important part in their lives or anything. I feel that if I just went away for a while and then come back they're only reaction would be a: "Oh. There you are." Nothing more.

At times when I'm with a group of people or see my friends pictures in social media I feel myself drift away. Almost like I'm very distant from everything. I feel like nothing I do matters, no matter how hard I try to aproach people or be more outgoing. I'm stuck in the same place I was before. Somewhere so distant fom everybody else that I feel like I don't exist. 

I've gotten better at handling my depression. There are times that I feel OK, even good. But then it hits me again and I'm reminded of how shitty and tiring it feels. I want to work but I can't, I want to enjoy the things I normally do but they don't feel the same. I fucking hate it.

I know that eventually this shitty ass fucking feeling will eventually pass (hopefully). Thankfully I haven't had any suicidal thought or any of the sort. 

I am not asking for advice. I know that in situations like these is when I need to get myself out of my own head and try look at reality with an unbiased look. Like I said I've gotten better at living with this.

I don't expect to affect anthing in the grand scheme of things but I hope that at least the fact that I exist made another person's life better. It's not much but I think that will probably keep me going for a little while.

I just needed somewhere to vent, so thank you to anybody who read this.