Yo I've been waiting for things to get better for like 15 years now. Not even just "waiting" but I've been literally trying to get better. I've been in therapy for like the past 7 years, been to psychiatrists, been on dozens of different medications, saw a school counselor when I was depressed and had no friends in college, tried putting myself in new and uncomfortable situations to get over my crippling anxiety and depression, I exercised, I even stopped drinking alcohol. Every time I try to think positive, something bad happens to me and I just feel like an idiot for even thinking that things would be positive or work out for once. I just feel like the stupidest fuckin idiot for even trying. Literally nothing ever changes. I look at things I wrote about my mental state from like 8 years ago, and it's crazy how closely my experiences from all those years ago mirror my experiences today. 

When people tell me that "it gets better" it makes me so fuckin mad sometimes. Literally nothing ever fuckin changes for me. Every day is a new insurmountable struggle that I don't know how to handle. Whenever I have a slight glimmer of hope it gets shot down like practically right away. I feel like I'm just being tortured every damn day like I'm just not allowed to be happy because this horrible shit keeps happening. I hate how we only get one life on this earth and mine just always has to be fuckin miserable.