Try to bear with me I've always had a hard time talking.

I don't know how to talk but I need to get my feelings out somewhere before it consumes me.  
I've struggled with major anxiety and depression for as long as I can remember.   
I have horrible panic attacks even when just playing video games. 

Recently, about 4-5 months ago, my mother pretty much just up and 'kicked' us out. I was never told before-hand. She wants us to either pay for the bills (we'd be paying for like 6-7 people, which is expensive where I live) or move out.

The problem is that I can't hold a job. I just can't describe how bad these panic attacks get, and while at work my options for coping with it are limited. My brothers need the help...and I just can't.

On top of that my older brother wants to move out, that's fine but I cant help but think it's going to put more pressure on me.

I've tried talking to my mother, father, and brothers about my anxiety, but none of them really understand it. My mother prolly doesn't care all that much, seeing as how she never took me to the doctor when I was younger.

I've asked my brother to take me to the doctor so I can get a new therapist, etc.  
Because the one I had before that pretty much just told me to 'deal with it'. 

But honestly, it's gotten so bad recently that if I apply to a job I turn to self-harm to feel better...i feel ashamed about it because I know my family has seen the scars, but I just cant cope anymore. 

I'm scared that I'll convince myself that 'disappearing' is the better option than all of this...  
Everything is playing out exactly like it did when I attempted 3 years ago. It's terrifying, I only hope a proper therapist and doctors can help. 

*if its hard to read through or doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. I'm panicking even posting this. But I needed to get my thoughts out of me head before it gets any worse. I'll try to respond to comments.* 

***Thank you for listening / reading.***