I’m so tired of it. Everything they do affects my emotions so deeply. I could be having a good day and their (perceived) lack of attention, affection, love etc.. become so debilitating. I’ve started to do productivity Bingo where when I complete a cross of tasks, I talk to my FP. It’s exhausting and I end up disappointed almost every time. Everything I do is centered around them, so much that sometimes I question who I am and what I actually enjoy. If I did not have a FP I feel like I could find myself again. The true me has been lost for so long, but nothing makes me happy but them. It’s ironic that they also (inadvertently) make me feel the most sadness and loneliness as well. I wish I just had a secure relationship. No anxious-preoccupied, no BPD, no dismissive avoidant on the other end. I just want to be me. I wish I was okay by myself. I wish I was my own FP.