I’ve been diagnosed Bi polar, schizophrenic, and finally Schizo-affective. I believe my imagination is God.

My story started with me smoking pot with my family, and being active duty in the army. I enjoyed both of these aspects of my life but knew the consequences. I was a great soldier honest, hard working. So I told my SGT about what was going on and I ended up in rehab. Where I was locked on the 3rd floor of a hospital and forced to go to AA meetings, and over Analise my emotions, and hunt for a higher power. I wasn’t sleeping so they start making me take ambian. and then soon after anti depressants. Which had an adverse effect I soon became very manic, and was transferred from the chemical dependance ward to the mental health unit. Where I created the belief of me becoming the second coming of jesus. This was the first time hospitalized for a mental illness. This then lead me down many different rabbit holes and terrible delusions. I wasn’t capable of separating my imagination from reality. I became scared that the Illuminati was trying to kill me and the cia was protecting me. All this chaos in my life that I had no control over was driving me close to suicide. It wasn’t until I started refusing my meds that I got better, so I thought. The Second episode hit when I was working 2 jobs and living alone in a small apartment. My beliefs started going crazy. I thought I had the answers for free energy,and stuff like wormholes. I also thought I had tapped into a physic social network simply by meditating. I stopped sleeping and by the end of it I was dancing in the middle of the road, when a cop stopped me I had a warrant for a traffic ticket. Jail was the last place I needed to be at that point in time. I was freaking out and seeing everything around me as the basic elements. the water facet and toilet as water, the stone walls as earth, the light as fire, and the empty space as air. I ended up dancing around in my cell and slaming my head against the wall and split open my forehead, they thought I was out of control and strapped me into the chair and started recording me. thats when I thought everything I’ve had to go through was a test for me to take over the free world and a peace leader. This thinking ended me up in the state hospital again, where I thought every one was government, everything around me was being tailored for a specific reason. They had me on meds again but this time they where court ordered because I thought the meds where the reason I was having all these problems. So as soon as I got out of the hospital the second time after about 2 months, I immediatly stopped my meds, and for a few years every thing went great. I even had a girlfriend in my life which was very rare for me. But for some reason (which I don’t know what triggers these episodes, and I don’t think most people do.) another episode hit. my brain was just processing so much that I wasn’t able to sleep again. I started having panic attacks and went to the ER where they prescribed zanex, and thats when the delusions and hallucinations came back. one night my girlfriend just needed a break from me and she left me alone all night. In the morning after a choatic night of very deluded thought, I was throwing stones into a recycle bin pretending to be jesus and the stone where peoples souls. The police showed up, and thats when my girlfriend and her parents showed up. It was a nightmare I thought I could hear everyones thoughts. It ended up geting to a point where I thought every ones thoughts where all connected to each other. We were tring to solve world peace when the final decision came down to mass suicide. Thats when we all became part of a dream and it was all my fault, I was rushed to the ER where I was strapped to a stretcher and giver sedative after sedative, but they wern’t working, at first. I woke up in another mental illness hospital in the psychiatric intensive care unit. My girlfriend went through so much coming to visit me almost every day. I felt terrible because I was not in control. We broke up shortly after I got out of the hospital. I don’t blame her either she wanted me on my meds, and at this point I was still convinced they where the problem…. until yup another episode, but this time things where different I had lost every thing time and time again, I finally gave into the illness and how it needs to be managed. I have found meds that work for me, and while I currently have very little (including no job) I’m still fighting, and I know that if I can take so many hits and still be standing I know so can you.