When I met my girlfriend, I had spent years cultivating an identity and hobbies that were true to myself and aligned eith my values. I liked hip hop music, organizing, poetry, and daily journaling. I liked graffiti and photography. I liked streetwear. I loved road trips and concerts.

Fast forward to a few years of dating my gf and I am realizing that all of the above-mentioned parts of me have been subsumed by my girlfriend’s interests: video games, philosophy, and tabletop games.  But I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t intend for this to happen. 

My gf has never explicitly made me feel like I shouldn’t share my hobbies with her. In fact, she used to say she “wants to share my hobbies with me”. But how could we possibly bond over my hobbies? She hates driving. She can’t do heavy concerts. She doesn’t care much for photography or fashion or music. She’s a homebody. 

I guess our relationship feels safer if I just do what she likes. I feel like she’s more likely to stay with me if I just shut up, play games, and stare out the window wishing we could go drive or listen to music or something. As a result, I’ve gotten myself into a rut where I’m too embarrassed to ask to share any of my hobbies with her. 

Even when I’m alone I don’t journal or listen to music or take photos anymore. I feel emptier than ever.

Has this happened to anyone else?