I have BPD and potentially undiagnosed ADHD, I live in the UK so the mental health care available is abysmal and on top of that I’m transgender (and out for 4 years now). 

For as far back as I can remember my life has cycled through working myself to death and burning out, over and over. There’s a lot of childhood trauma from my parents when I was growing up and I have very few healthy coping mechanisms that I can use to keep myself going. As I cycle through depressive and manic phases I lose control of my finances over and over, and end up in a bad position where I won’t have paid bills and have debts. My eating is disordered at best with me eating very little or bingeing and purging. I just feel like I don’t have any healthy aspects to my life and I don’t even know where to start. And don’t get me started on personal relationships. 

I’ve had some healthy things in the past like going to the gym but I can’t even stand the thought of that right now. I don’t know how to find direction, where to even start with getting help.

I can’t afford therapy privately as it’s prohibitively expensive in the UK and I’ve tried better help and other bits with no real benefit to me. 

I just wanted to vent but if anyone has advice then feel free to say your bit. 

Thanks for reading.