There are somethings that I think if I do them it would benefit me and they are important like washing my face and brushing my teeth or going out for a walk. Some part of me wants to do these things because I know hygiene and physical health is important but the other part gets disgusted when I even think about doing something beneficial. I'm not ok. I won't be ok by just taking care of me physically. There are some emotional things that I can not get over(I have tried therapy and medication. I'm battling with these emotional situations for more than 7 years. I don't think I can solve them. So I just want to move on.)and acting like I'm doing ok by doing necessary stuff disgusts me. Yet I feel bad again if I don't care about myself. I want to get up and do something in times when I haven't gotten up from bed for 12 maybe 15 hours and the moment I get up I pity and abhor myself and go to bed again.