Some dickhead I'm in treatment with told me he had sex with a girl while she was on sleeping meds. I was like "So you fucking raped her? Was she unconscious? What the fuck?" and he was like "That's what I fucking said." and I was like "Fuck you I never want to see your face again I hope you die." and some dumbass was like "I don't think that counts as rape..." and I was like "You're a fucking idiot but at least you didn't rape anyone." 

So now I'm scared I'm going to get in trouble with my therapist for saying I hope he dies. The reason I said that is because I was raped 5 years ago. It was extremely triggering. I don't like that word because people use it to mean "I was mildly uncomfortable" but I was literally on the verge of a panic attack. I was screaming at this guy and shaking violently and trying so hard not to hyperventilate. I had to call my friend to coach me on how to drive when I was driving home so I wouldn't drive off the road (I was at one of the residences with a friend who also lives there and visiting hours were over so I absolutely had to go home). I'm not going to have a panic attack anymore but I want to bash my head against the wall and cut myself.

I am bummed out because I was doing so well until tonight.