i've had ketamine probably about ~10 times in the last year, a few grams total, and this past weekend I kholed late at night, high as hell on coke with a girl I was seeing during the spring. shit fell apart but we're back together talking and i ripped the biggest k line i've ever done, and my girl did some after (not as much but she had no tolerance) and we just laid next to each other in a hotel bed and when i was in that "am i going to die" thought for a second from the drugs I instantly snapped back to reality, because laying half on her I felt my girl next to me breathing, and it was summer, and i was content. i realized that everything anxiety outside of my control in that moment didnt matter at all because i couldn't change it, but in that moment time froze and we were together and i was happy.

i haven't felt content in a long time. i couldn't honestly remember what it had felt like. i felt it and it was amazing.





theres an awful band i saw once at a festival. *when I am sad, I am sad - but when I'm happy, oh god I am happy*