Trigger warning: drugs, being high

Preamble: When I’m high, I get really self-analytical, and then have very specific anxious thoughts that I’m not sure anyone else has. Wanted to see if anyone could relate. 

(NOTE: I am high on Delta 8. I haven’t done much research but from what I’ve gathered it’s a different type of cannabinoid than traditional marijuana. I vape it. For me it’s a much shorter high, and I feel completely different. On regular marijuana I get full blown anxiety attacks. On Delta 8 I get anxious, fearful thoughts about abandonment.)

Okay, here we go:

Intrusive thoughts about abandonment enter my brain, and I doubt my sober-secure realities, like me thinking people are wanting to abandon me or be angry at me even though sober me would never have these doubts.

High me psychoanalyzes everyone, trying to guess their every move, thinking I know exactly what they’re thinking. Thinking, “because they ignored me once in conversation, or were a touch short with me, even when they are just being normal, it still SEEMS like they’re being short with me” and then you spiral into “they actually are mad at me. Maybe they have been mad at me all along.” And then going into every detail of our friendship where they may have been mad at me, and then thinking they’ve been mad all along and second guessing the most secure friendships in my life.

I guess what I’m saying is I don’t know if it’s my BPD or my anxiety or maybe something else entirely that causes these thoughts while under the influence of Delta 8.

Getting high is always fun at first, and then when I start coming down I get really anxious. Then part of me wonders if I’ve been this anxious all along, and the Delta 8 is just bringing up these deep dark anxious thoughts. Then after it wears off, my thoughts go back to normal and it’s as if it never happened.