I just freak out because whenever I get close to someone even if they're nice. In the past a lot of my relationships were one-sided, or became that way. I sacrificed infinitely for men who would take and take and leave me with nothing. 

I'm not entirely DISCONTENT with my life right now---single, on medication that has basically obliterated any sex drive I could possibly ever have felt, but I'm safe and I'm with people who care about me (my family). I consider myself lucky in that way. They know I'm flawed and still care about me. 

In the past I almost got lured to move in with a guy. I almost took on an immense amount of debt to pay for it because he couldn't. I cooked and cleaned and did everything for him (including having sex despite the immense physical pain, because he wanted that) and ended up with a chronic health condition and trauma. The day I broke up with him was the most relieved I've ever felt in my life and I don't ever want to be trapped like that again, but it also makes me a bit sad to be alone.

Can anyone relate? I really prefer being on my own but part of me still wants companionship. I read that single unmarried women are the happiest demographic and I can entirely understand why, the idea of being 'chained' to someone scares me a lot because I don't want them to start asking things from me that I can't provide, or that I can provide and will turn me into a shell of a human being again.