I've been suffering from depression for the last 7 years. The aspect of depression I'm struggling the most with is an absolute lack of motivation to do literally anything. I can't shower, it's too exhausting, can't clean, it's too exhausting. I can't do any work for uni it's too exhausting. Even simple things like getting up to get a glass of water can be a struggle. I would love to hang out with my friends more. But I just can't bring myself to do it. Even the things I genuinely love doing feel like a chore, an incredibly difficult, nearly impossible thing to do. I just do the bare minimum that's necessary to survive every day..anything else feels like too much.

And it's so incredibly frustrating. I'm in my early 20s, I should be having the time of my life now, while I'm still young. Instead I lay in bed on my phone all day, only getting up when I have to, and if I actually do something productive sometimes I am so exhausted that I feel the need to sleep for 10+ years afterwards. Most days I go to bed angry and disappointed in myself, for once again not doing any of the things I desperately want to do.

One of the things I'm terrified of is the moment I'll be 80 years old, looking back on my life and realizing I've wasted so much of it, because I just couldn't bring myself to do any of the things I wanted to do. I sincerely  hope that won't happen. I hope it will get better soon.