Every year is the same. I start by thinking this year things will get better for me but they never do. I’ve had depression and anxiety for 6 years now and it’s getting way worse. I’ve missed lots of uni, which is not like me to miss classes, now I’m failing and dealing with extreme guilt that makes me hate myself everyday. 

I have no friends, no bf and no one to talk to. I feel ashamed of being 20 and never had a bf before. Cos I’ve got no one to talk to, I let myself believe things that r not true, like it’s weird that I’m single when others my age Aren’t, and like no wonder I have no friends when Im too shy to put myself out there. No one wants to be my friend. 

At home I never fight or answer back to my parents since it makes the argument worse, so I feel like everyone says mean stuff to me and I can NEVER answer back or say my point of view. It’s like, my family says annoying stuff to me, expecting me to just take it, like I have no feelings, or have no say. It’s SO SO SO hard to just bite my tongue and say nothing, especially when I feel like I’m in the right, or have a good comeback. 

Rn I can’t enjoy Christmas cos of a stupid assignment I’m struggling to do, since I never attend lectures due to anxiety. And if I email my tutors for help, i feel like they’ll think, well no wonder ur stuck cos you’ve not even been attending. I spend each day feeling guilty when I don’t do the work, but when I try I struggle. 

Another thing is I struggle with my appearance. My hair is thinning in the front (started February 2020) and won’t fucking go away. I feel like I’m losing myself more and more, and turning into such a loser. My overall appearance upsets me. I hate my reflection. I HATE seeing my picture, cos I’m so ugly. I have no confidence to wear nice clothes. My social anxiety makes it hard to exercise in public. ( last time my face went so red it looked like I was crying and people kept staring) 

Overall I feel ugly, lonely, really really sad, and at a low point in my life, once again. Anyone got any advise? Thanks 😌all the best.