It felt so "dystopian" to go in. The lines, security guards, and rules and all. But that wasn't what caused it: it was my dad saying my mother's work is being closed down for 3 months

I'll be with her alone in the house... for 3 months... my dad is staying at work and he even said he'd rather have his vacations after this is over. I can't, I don't want to


I probably looked like a freak, staring at labels and squeezing my hands/pinching myself. I wanted to call a friend and say "please tell me I can videochat/call to avoid being around my mother" but it felt so stupid, so weak.. I don't want to explain WHY, either. 

I'm supposed to be better, but I feel this situation is causing a relapse. More mood swings, more depressed, more "bad" thoughts. 

(I only went because had to help my dad buy groceries, next time he's going alone thank god)