Is it possible to even move forward with this? Hello I have been with my (F23) bf (M27) for 2.5 years now although we recently took a break. I’ve battled with anxiety/ depression and we had a good relationship and at only 6 months I became pregnant and later miscarried which I believe took a huge toll on my mental health. Recently though we would get into arguments in the middle of the night, he would want to put it off to talk in the morning. But I was feeling like I need to talk about it then and there, not giving him space. And it makes everything so much worse that he kept saying I’m done with this, I can’t keep doing this. 
Which I can see why he would respond if I’m not respecting him wanting to go to bed and not fighting at night. 

One night it got really bad that when he said he couldn’t do this anymore I felt such intense emotion and sadness, I told him I just felt like not living anymore. That I felt like taking all my medication pills and in my head I felt really contemplating that, even though I’m not suicidal generally. And then he went to the bathroom one moment, all the sadness I just didn’t know what to do and I grabbed tweezers and self harmed on my thigh- although they were more superficial cuts. He saw the scars later and immediately began to cry. I felt horrible and all I could think about is why did I do this and why did I take it this far. 

The next morning I apologized and told him he has every right to leave me and it wasn’t fair of me/ it was manipulative of me. And i accept what I did is a form of emotional abuse. Additionally, I had been off my antidepressants and had beeen feeling like I’m going down in depression so I wonder at all if that had anything to do with it. I don’t self harm regularly at all the only times I’ve attempted was when I was in middle school. 

Now I have begun therapy and have been telling her everything and trying not to be scared or ashamed or hide anything so something like this never happens. My boyfriend forgave me and I feel so guilty and have cried everyday since bc he doesn’t deserve that and I just can’t even seem to really forgive myself.