i went into therapy last week with my relatively new therapist , list of past bpd symptoms and hope in hand. i've been obsessing over her saying "IF you have BPD, which you don't" for a week now. It feels like this is all i have;; the answer to everything I've ever done. Her saying that to my face made me feel so desolate. Even through the emptiness, i feel the anxiety. "what if I'm wrong?" "what's wrong with me, in that case?" I feel so fucking insane.. Throughout that appointment i kept on feeling that i had the task to convince her that i do in fact have bpd which in turn brought out the anxiety of "am i just faking it?" I don't know how to end off this post.. man, i feel like there's something crawling in ny skin. for a few blessed days, it feels like everything is back to fine, but then I'm back to crying and heaving. I can barely pay attention to things people say to me regardless of which phase I'm in. This shit is so rough, man. I wish my doctor gave me  something to regulate my mood because i don't think I'm capable of doing it myself. The fact that I can barely understand my own emotions is not helping at all. I mean, a few months ago, i didn't even realize i was having panic attacks..  telling someone my life story and all my symptoms, including the ones I'd previously failed to tell my doctor out of pure naivety is so difficult.