We’ve been together three years, I’m 23 and he’s 35 with two estranged kids. The age gap isn’t great but that’s a whole other issue. His ex-wife just recently almost ruined our entire life by going to jail but she got out of it. I’m in college and I can’t do this. I can’t live with uncertainty and now that we have to move it’s a breaking point. I have to figure out a way to get out of this before I let it go too much further. 

So my relationship is good and bad, but overall it is not improving my quality of life. Especially with the recent drama. I’m so attached though I literally can’t leave. He’s too good to me to fully split and try to make him break up with me, and he doesn’t want to break up with me at all. I have about a week to decide whether I move in with him into a new place or let him go and move somewhere alone. 

But the title. My therapist told me I shouldn’t feel as guilty about cheating on him if I think it’s what I have to do to break the severe attachment to him I have. Sometimes I feel like the only way I can get out is to cheat so whatever tie to him is in my brain gets broken down a bit. Not even have sex with someone else, just like a kiss. 
I’ve never done anything to hurt him intentionally. I love him so much. But I literally can’t find it in me to tell him it’s over. That I can’t do this anymore because it’s bad for me. 

She never told me to cheat on him, but she told me not to feel bad if I do. How do you guys feel about that? 

I could write a novel about how things are day to day but to be honest I just feel like I’m addicted to him and he’s a good friend that happens to be the person I base my entire life around. How do I get the attachment to go away without cheating on him? 

Sorry if this post is chaotic but so is my brain like everyday lately.