My partners grandmother (82F) is suffering from debilitating Anxiety and I’m not sure what I can suggest to help her … Apologies, it’s a long read

Her partner passed away on late 2020 after 60 years of marriage, his health started declining when he was in his 50’s and he passed in his 80’s from a heart attack. He was extremely ill for a number of years and had dementia for the last 5-8 years. She was his carer for the 30 years since his health started declining. As a result she stopped most of her own activities (Sewing clubs, meeting with friends etc) and eventually her world was him and looking after him. 

When he passed she ended up having a heart attack which was diagnosed as Takotsubo cardiomyopathy (broken-heart syndrome). She recovered but her health has obviously been impacted by it, she is still very active though; driving, living alone, shopping, bills etc … she lives fully independently, albeit a little fearful of burglaries living on her own 

When he passed the whole Pandemic started and she obviously was high risk so was isolating and she was honestly terrified of COVID (understandably) so she didn’t want much interaction with anyone. (The family did visit through the window and talk to her often, but they were quick ‘call your grandma calls’ Now 2 years on she has lost a lot of communication, confidence and skills. 

She recently caught covid and has recovered which seems to have removed her extreme fears of it, she Is still cautious but not isolating herself from  the world completely. 

But throughout all of this, she seems to have done a lot of reflecting and realised that she is an introvert in a huge family of extroverts. He husband was extremely extroverted and would take the brunt of conversations, interactions, parties etc that she didn’t really interact in (she was happy not to, be polite while he does the heavy lifting) but now all the attention is on her and everyone is understandably concerned and want to interact with her. This overwhelms her to the point that now the idea of a family event is causing debilitating panic attacks (she can’t move, she can’t walk, the colour in her face goes, mental confusion, crying etc. ) 

The family are extreme extroverts and can’t seem to understand that this is a genuine reaction not a simple ‘ah, she’s old’ ‘she’s been through a lot’ etc. they think exposure therapy is the best result. They recognise it’s anxiety but I don’t think they understand that anxiety can be this debilitating. They almost belittle it (unintentionally) with sayings like ‘Your anxious, that’s normal’
‘It’s okay to have anxiety’ ‘You’ll be fine once we get there’ ‘Don’t you want to see X’ ‘X was looking forward to seeing you’ 

As a fellow introvert I sympathise with her, but it’s also not my place to take the lead. He daughter is a therapist and doesn’t recommend therapy for her. She has been to the Doctor and they’ve been focusing on the symptoms; vertigo, MRI scans, blood tests. 

I’ve explained what I’ve noticed to my partner and he understands but his dad (her son) doesn’t understand what we’re saying. He has a very old school view that mental illness isn’t really a thing  … which personally I think is making the situation worse. He was just kind of forcing her to go to things Not physically just guilt tripping (“X wants to see you”) and an I know better than you attitude (“You need to get back out there” “Sitting at home isn’t going to help” ) but this approach has seemed to worsen her to the point of physical symptoms at just the idea of and event. 

I was thinking of buying her a fidgeting ring but she needs more than this. I also have to respect that they are her family. I’m just one of her over 30 grandchildrens partners. 

Anyone any tips, suggestions,similar situations? 

Thanks in advance! :)