Partner and I have been together 10 months 

I woke up early today to see that he was active on Facebook 8am which he isn't usually on st that time 

I asked why he was up early and he said postman woke him up and he was going to go back to sleep so I said ok and he viewed and ignored it 

Later I went back on Facebook and he was still active when I messaged him he viewed it instantly and didn't reply I messaged him again 

He's still constantly active and viewing my messages instantly and I've escalated and started acting crazy ( I'm meant to be seeing  him today) asking why he's constantly on 

Because I'm convinced he's messaging someone else but when I look over his shoulder at his phone it's just me and his family group chat on the messages but that makes me think he's up to something like he deletes messages etc etc 
I feel sick and I can't breathe and I can't focus and I keep crying 

Why does bpd have to fuck me over like this and why is my brain not seeing any logical explanation right now why is it just paranoia 

He doesn't know I have bpd but Its getting worse I'm scared it's going to ruin this relationship like it's done in the past and I've tried so hard not to be crazy but it's all blurted out to him 

He didn't even answer me he just changed the subject to let me know when you're leaving at 2 

I've got no one to speak to about how I'm feeling that can reassure me that everything's ok and give me logical explanation behind it