My SO of 5 years abruptly broke up with me tonight before my shift started at work. She says she loves me but isn’t in love with me anymore, and that she met someone she likes at her job. We had both recently switched careers together in order to find more mental peace of mind and remove stress, and I’m just completely lost right now. She has two kids and I have one of my own, but I love her two daughters like they were my own and I fully intended to adopt them one day. It’s like the entirety of my life fell apart in a matter of minutes, I don’t even have a concrete place to stay. I’m spending the next couple of nights at my best friends house because I cannot bear to exist in the same space as her, because I love her so goddamn fucking much and I know that in all likelihood she’s been cheating on me since we switched jobs and I just can’t take it. I’ve struggled with deep depression my entire life, and at one point was stopped mid attempt at game ending myself and now all I can think about is finishing the job. I know I have a child and it’s purely selfish of me to have these thoughts, but he has his mom and her SO and seems to dislike having to stay with me during the weekends that I have him. I know that in time I’ll heal, and probably find love again but I just don’t want to anymore. I don’t want to play this game, I don’t want to prolong this pain anymore. I’m not going to say that I’ve had the worst life ever, I’m aware that so many people have it worse but I’ve been fucked so hard by life since I was a kid that I just don’t think that it gets better. Life is just short precious moments of joy punctuated by pain so intense and profound that it removes any impact the good moments hold. I’m honestly not even sure why I’m writing this, maybe I’m hoping that shouting all this shit to the void will make me feel better or at least help me come to a conclusion one way or another. I might post this in other subs I don’t know. Help me please.