 This is a burner account. Just need support, I'm going through alot.

I'm getting my results for STD tomorrow and nervous because I assume the worse. I had oral sex a few weeks and it's been eating me alive. I guess when my aniexty/stress is high I tend to do things impulsively when I'm not thinking  straight. I keep having this craving to get a sexual satisfaction with the same sex. I've only done it twice my whole life, my counselor who I barely started seeing last week says it's because my brain is trying to re-create that aroused moment when I got abused as a young child. I feel so dirty and gross, I wish I had gotten that explanation before I did this act. 

Luckily the other man has been very open about his health and told me I have nothing to worry and the risk is considered low but I can't get over the fact I did something that I wouldn't have done if I went to therapy earlier.