So I’m currently back in my hometown, 1100 miles from home. My depression was pretty handily in check for a little over a year but now it’s come back with quite a fury. I arrived last 2 saturdays ago and have spent the majority of time in the hospital with my mom. 

My mom had to be put into hospice care due to neglect inflicted on her by my brother. For  2 years he’s supposed to have been taking care of her because she’s an diabetic elderly amputee and needs help for basic hygiene. As it turns out he lied the entire time and just used her for her SSI. He let her lay in her own excrement in her bed and never made the effort to keep her active. He was not giving her her diabetes and blood pressure medication. We found out every time we would come to visit he would intensively stage the house to make it seem like everything was great. The entire time my mom defended him because she felt he was doing his best.

Come the end of July my sister noticed mom didn’t seem right on the phone she wasn’t making sense and was slurring. She demanded my brother call an ambulance, which he did, and it was discovered she was hemorrhaging in her brain for about a couple days. My brothers first reaction was to withdraw $1000 from my mothers bank account and run to West Virginia.

My time down here has been nothing but keeping her company in the hospital and cleaning out her house so she can move in with my sister in Georgia when she’s released. And dealing with the invariable infighting families face when discussing possible outcomes.

I feel like I can’t mentally process what’s happening. I’ve shut down harder than I ever have before. I have no motivation to continue and I can’t find a shred of optimism. I just have this sense of detachment and rage aimed at my brother and I feel like I don’t show this is effecting me like it’s effecting my sisters and I feel guilty I’m not visibly distraught. I feel emotionally numb and dead. Has anyone else experienced a similar feeling when dealing with a traumatic situation?

I feel like I’m not being coherent. This might get removed due to irrelevance which is understandable. I have no one outside of my family to get a different perspective from, the friendships I do have are shallow and lack real meaning. I feel like just getting it out instead of internalizing it constantly will be enough probably.

I’m sorry if this is the wrong place for this. If it is I’d appreciate direction to the correct sub.