Hello, i have a boyfriend who is also my FP and we're together for 1.5 years. I'm obsessed with him and i never believed there are "soulmates" or "the one" before i met him. And he loves me as much as i love him. We didn't even fight for the first 9 month. Everything was perfect. It sounds like a dream right?
But no, it isn't. I'm 24 y.o. and i suffer from BPD since 16. I thought i was fine after 5 years therapy when we started to dating but after 9 months we broke up for the first time. It triggered my BPD and everything has started after that. I completely lost my mind. I was in huge pain like i was in hell. I was still in love with him but i also hated him. I created a tinder account and i've done things i shouldn't have done. I also talked shit about him etc. I think you can guess how destructive i became at the time. Then after one month of break up we got together again but i couldn't tell him all the terrible things i did because of the shame, embaressment and the fear of losing him again. A couple months later he found out and we broke up for the second time. One month later we couldn't stay away from each other anymore and he forgave me. But obviously he was still so mad at me and lost all this trust for me and we had a really hard 3 4 months before things started to get better. 
But we couldn't go back to that dream days again you know. After the break ups and traumas (had to live without him for 2 months, all the terrible things i did, all the fights we had, all the shame, guilt and self hate) i couldn't be normal again. BPD came back (even stonger than before) with the first break up and never has gone again. I've started to being afraid of get abandoned so bad. I've became so jealous of everyone. I've started to want him next to me 7/24 and started to fight when he leaves home to see a friend. I've became so clingy and started to feel unloved or uncared whenever he does anything else includes me. I started to be so agressive and have destructive episodes whenever i feel like that.
Everything has happened also fucked him up. Probably worse than me. It triggered his trust and anger issues which are already a problem for him. He has started to gets angry much easier and gets calm harder. His situation and anger also started to trigger my BPD and it becomes a vicious circle. 
Now both of us are exhausted and mentally fucked up. Is there anyone who can suggest sth that can help me with this situation i've created with my own hands?