i don’t know what to do anymore. i keep waiting for a day that will never come. everything in my life is broken and it will be so hard to piece myself back together again. 

i used to think i was some sort of phoenix rising from the ashes or something when i would “recreate” myself. but in reality i was just cutting ties and never taking accountability and throwing everything away the second i got bored or it was too hard. and the further i got into each illusion, the more it hurt to destroy. 

i dug myself too deep this time. i don’t know how to escape it or even where to start. i’m so scared of what comes next. i really don’t know if i’ll be okay this time. i can’t romanticize as well as i used to. it’s real. and i don’t think i’ll ever be the same.

just venting, but if anyone can relate let me know