Just getting my thoughts out here since they’re screaming in my mind but lately as I self reflect on my life I can’t help but to feel like I’m not good enough for starters my real father left when I was 7 months old never really had a relationship with him but as a kid had awkward conversation with him every now and then so that… my stepdad who I considered my real father left me and my mom when I was 10 because of immigration reasons my Mom was always in the picture but because of her job we stopped spending time with each other because she was so busy and always tired. It wasn’t until high school where I got my first friend also in high school and wasn’t allowed to date.Fast forward to college every girl that I’ve talked to eventually either wants to keep me around as a side friend (not a main friend)or just plain use me and now me being 23 I have hit the point of self loathing where I hate my body and everything about it every decision that I’ve ever made to the point where I look at myself in the mirror and I feel disappointed lately I’ve started going to the gym to suppress these feelings since then I’ve lost around 40/50 lbs and I still feel disgusted I look at myself in the gym mirror every morning at 4:30 and try to tell myself I love myself but deep down I hate the mf staring back at me I’m just exhausted I feel like no matter what I do or how I do it I’ll never be enough and the people closest to me will always leave and I’ll never be truly loved by anyone