The last month or so has been full of self sabotage on success, including a drastic drop in academic performance. I'm in graduate school, not really something I desired to do its just kinda where I ended up by following what people suggested I do. But there is a strong possibility that I will fail a class. I didn't care about that at first, but the closer the semester gets to ended the more I'm feeling panic that I'm really fucking up. I know I am, but I'm more worried about my future healthy self. 

At this point, I am destroying myself financially, educationally, and morally. But this is just the place I'm at. I think about my future stable self though and I don't want to set myself up for failure. When I think about the things I possibly am ruining indefinitely, I start to panic. 

I just need someone to tell me that it'll turn out okay. Whether I fail this class. Whether I run out of money. I need to know there's and upside somewhere out there that I'll be able to reach one day. 