Does anyone else have this issue with being depressed?  I am lonely, so very lonely! I am a shy introvert and I have been so very deeply hurt.  As a child I was raped, beaten at home and bullied all through school.  I became an alcoholic and drug addict.  I overcame those addictions, and got fit and healthy. Even as an adult, I am still bullied.  I am shy an introvert and probably too nice.  (Way too nice, is it so bad to be a kind person!!??) I have gotten to where my dark house is like a tomb, but a safe place where I hide from the world.

I am on guard at all times, I don't trust people anymore, I have been hurt too many times.  I think about suicide constantly. As a man, I get along better with women.  I always have.  When I'm in an up mood, I talked to random women. At the gym, in the coffee shop, at the store.  I get to know them, they instantly trust me for some reason. They share deep emotions with me, if I walk into a room, women seem drawn to me, at least on friendship level.  I get close to them, share things with them.  Then the down mood comes........ A women I am friends with will come smiling like always, expecting me to be the friendly kind gentleman she needs.  I think in my tomb of a mind: "why would she want to be friends with a loser like me?" I ignore her, I hurt her feelings.  Most of time it is beyond repair.  Then I feel even worse about myself than I already do.  Does anyone else have these sort of issues with their mood swings?

Just want to know I am not the only one. Thanks