Well. I was less social anxious. But how my government not handled Covid ( saying masks dont work, no lockdown, lying about numbers, calling 2000 cases a day ' okay' etcet and now today leaving All measures, with hospitals full and 1,2 people still not vaccinated on 17 milj people ........made me feel left taken not cared for and also All  older, sick, helpless people. My govrnment and lots of people are liberals, white privileged and ' me me me' is the credo. I hate it. I always vote the social dems and I want to feel safe and I like being around like minded people 

I have hard times at jobs. Im overqualified/ did Grammar school but no degree and work in places most colleguaes are less smart and less inclined to do more than the job description says so I feel lost at jobs, in shops with maskless others, in the gym when no one gives space nor cleans their machines etcetc

During covid I also had arguments with inlaws, long story but now my social live is nonexcisted. 

I fear going outside/ to shops, gym  , thinking ' i hate people/ what if someone talks to me/ looks to me/ thinks Im weird/ etcetc

My therapist keeps saying he thinks I want others to be like me and act like me and that I want to be taking care of and that I sortvof expect others to be like caring providing parents

But that Does Not Ring a bell at all....!! I just hate stupid folks, egoïstic people, antivaxxers, workslackers, in general rule breakers, I realllly care for rules and such


I find it hard it just keeps coming up and it sounds like i dont wanna explore what he says but reaaaalllllly it does not ring to me, i just dont feel thát....


Sonetimes i think im on the spectrum, my son has Asperger  and 143 as IQ. But i can lie, have done my fair share of rulebreaking bpd behaviour ( allllll the crazy stereotype stuff.....) 
Im highly sensitive to sudden change, sounds, smells, I need a lot of scheduling or i dont do anything
Most things need to be done My way or noway at all....



I dont want my coworkers to have the same workethic nor do overtime but I DONT WANT THEM TO PESTER ME and make fun of how I do it..all the doctors appreciate my work highly and sometimes say im the best nurse they know but always I get ignored by coworkers and not asked for lunch etc and i get bullied or ignored, i then get angry and upset and voila im unemplowed



I know every other socialist or green folks or medical professionals n my country finds how our government handles covid is Bad but my therapist turns it into a deeper thing which makes me feel weird or a strange person.....




Does anybody understand this rambling ..?....sorry.....