Idk if this is from my BPD or depression or social anxiety or what. I've had hardly any friends for a long time. I try really hard to maintain friendships but it's hard, but I've been trying to force myself to hang out with people lately because I'm so antisocial/isolated. Anyway, I went to a huge weekend getaway with like 30+ people this weekend. It's been really nice getting to know all these new people and they all seem like such nice people. My issue is, after about 24 hours I'm just over it. I want to enjoy my weekend here to the best of my ability with all these lovely people, but something in my brain switches after about a day and I just want to go home. I get emotional/weepy/irritated for no reason. Part of me just feels like I'm constantly trying to find happiness in social situations/friendships and it never works and it makes me feel defeated and like idk why I'm even here. I like these people, they like me, we have tons in common, have shared lots of laughs, I feel comfortable even sleeping around them, sooooo why does it still feel like something is missing?? I'm convinced I just can't connect with people that deeply on a friendship level anymore and it's such an isolating feeling. I feel like I'm always watching from the inside of a fish bowl in social situations. (Unless I'm under the influence, that's the only time I feel "present" I guess.)