I dont have bpd. I didnt even really know what that meant. Weve been together for 2 years. Shed always get so excited counting the months. I think her longest relationship before me was a year. Shes very quiet. We had a ddlg relationship. Things were... Great. We never argued. We never fought. She always found ways to express her needs and she always talked about how much she loved me and was afraid to leave me or etc and that for the first time in her life she felt stable. When we met she was a bulimic self harming drop out. When she left she was thicc hadnt self harmed in over a year, got back into schooling graduated w her ged. Held down 2 different jobs for over 8 months each. She seemed so happy and carefree. 
We moved into a pretty shitty housing situation but were working hard to get out. I bought her a car taught her the basics. She asked me when I propose to her she wanted a ring. I got that ring. I got us a new house lined up. Every thing was great.
We got pulled over on thanksgiving and she got it in her head I was going to goto prison( for a traffic violation... No amount of reassuring would she listen too). The day before court she disappeared. Took the car. Left her clothes. Left her cat. Texted me while I was at work that this just wasnt good for her and that she cant trust me anymore and that she was blocking me.

The next day she said she didnt need a reason to leave her and to never contact her again.

I dropped her clothes off at work and she called the police and told them a bunch of crazy lies. 

Now I just feel like she manipulated me into getting her a car.


Did she love me ? Will I ever see her again? People that abuse themselves abuse others even if they dont notice it. I realize now anytime I had something I needed support on she got irrationally angry at me so she didnt need to be there.
This is another one of those.

I really wish she was in my life again even as just friends.

 Ive never genuinely loved or cared about someone before her.

Nobody can really answer these questions.

Shes off idealizing someone else now huh. 

Its like I never existed.