So, I know I probably have OCD, and this post is not exactly about my thoughts, but about a certain... blockage? I think that ever since I started having mental issues, I felt this need to change my life, but in a certain way... Like, I have to write down a plan, do everything very specifically and professionally, and if I fail and something goes wrong, then depending on whether it's big or small I gotta fix it or start again... Everything has to be in certain order, perfectly organized, I need to say some this before that change begins and when it ends I also need to say a few things...And this change is mainly about organizing my life, and basically, the way my mind thinks, if I do this change I will change, stop having mental issues and I will start living exactly how I want...  And that change basically ends when I'm done organizing everything and getting everything together, and after that, I'm supposed to be "changed" and/or start living the way I want. Also, the reason why I said it's a blockage is because it's literally blocking me from living. I had so many social media accounts throughout, but every time I did this change I deleted them all before I even started that change, and then I created new ones during that change... It's like a "start fresh" thing... And I wanted to do all this this since 2017 I think, but I think in like November 2018 I decided to stop and give it time so I'm ready. I decided that I'm going to do it this year, but the plan wasn't perfect so I couldn't do it so it's just not happening now... I thought about doing this completely differently and finally breaking out of this cycle and change my life like a normal person, but... I need money, and... I might have to do something probably not so legal, and well... My brain caught up on that and told me this... If you do that probably not so legal thing, your change and life will not be complete or full or whatever and you will not be satisfied... I have no idea how can this be a real worry, but it worries me so much. Like, if I do that probably not so legal thing, then unless they catch me, how is it gonna affect any change? Oh my god I just want to start living like a normal person... And please, try not do discourage me from doing those probably not so legal things, I need money and I can't imagine how I would change without them, because the money are for certain items and if I'm not gonna have them I'm not gonna feel satisfied with my change... I also had thoughts that if I write this that that change is not gonna be complete or full or whatever...