Its a hard pill to swallow. I’ve always felt my intentions were pure but my actions to anyone who has gotten close to me has shown otherwise. 
I’ve read up on narcissism in the past and noticed I shared similar negative traits, on the spectrum I thought but now I know I can work on these things before getting another relationship.
Soon after I met the most beautiful, artistic, caring person I have ever met and genuinely thought I would be able to be the person I have always wanted to be with the girl of my dreams.
Fast forward a year and the relationship was over. I had been caught lying early on and the trust was never fully rebuilt. I can’t blame her, I don’t even trust myself.
Fast forward to now and I haven’t had a close friendship or relationship with anyone in over 12 months as I don’t trust myself to not hurt or use them.
It sucks sometimes but i would rather feeling lonely than hurting someone who I care for.

Anyway I’m just venting at this point 

If anyone has any advice or anything lmk