I don't really post often... Anywhere, but I just don't know what to do.

Even a couple of weeks ago I was totally fine but a bunch of stuff and memories piled in all at once and I had the realization of "that was me, that happened, that was real." I remembered terrible things I've done, that I hid from myself and everyone else, it wasn't the worst thingw you could think of but I kept doing it, I know that's vague... I felt like a really terrible person for a while now, everything is terrifying, and I can't do anything, I can't take back anything I've done, the people I've hurt. 

Is it depression, anxiety, something else? Does it matter? I feel like nothing around me is real, I keep flipping between being able to perceive things around me and being so stuck in my head that whatever around me is warped to high hell - it makes me feel like I'm in a dream and when I wake up I'll be completely alone, and nothing I've done will matter. I've done everything I can and I should be feeling better, I even got forgiveness for one of the things I did, so why does it still hurt? Why do I always feel sick, and tired, and never want to eat or find much fun anymore, no matter what I do?

Sorry this is a bit ranty, maybe its not appropriate for here or whatever. Even if this gets removed or something... I think I just needed to... Think that I was telling someone what's going on who understands what I'm going through.