I've been so dependent on my narcissist father (whom I love and I understand why he is the way he is, but that doesn't mean I have to tolerate his behavior/gaslighting/invalidating/etc...) and manipulated a lot into thinking that my mother is a bad human being. Three weeks ago I rekindled my relationship with my mother, who I cut out from my life for the last two and a half years, due to a court case. We had an on-off relationship throughout my life, but whenever we were together it was amazing and great. I am very much like her. I took life into my own hands (I live in another country than my father and family) and decided that I don't want to share anything about my relationship with my mother to my family, I will not let my family gaslight/invalidate me (they do it collectively, that's why I hate family gatherings/christmas/holidays...) and I am currently building my own brand to become financially independent (I'm 22 y/o). It's really confusing not to know who you are and also be in this quarter life crisis, on the verge of being a uni-student and almost off into the working world, but I think I'm doing great right now. I finished therapy last wednesday and I got paranoid that now everything is jinxed and my BPD will worsen, but the diaries and lists I am keeping up with help me catch an overlook about my life and situation, and I am doing just fine. The DBT workbook is also helping me loads. Don't give up, guys, and take your vitamin D and B pills! ♥️