Sometimes when I’m in the midst of a really chaotic and overwhelming breakdown - the pain and panic is so excruciating my body aches for days after. I feel like my insides have torn up, like someone’s stabbed me repeatedly and twisted the knife deeper and deeper. I feel everything so sharply, so agonisingly raw, and it’s exhausting. 

I’m going through a dark period in my life, and most days I am having one of these types of breakdowns. It is constant agony. 

When I get like this my FP has a tendency to blank me, or say things like I’m evil or a bad person and it makes me feel unloveable. This breaks me so much more. 

I don’t mean this in a sadistic way, and I feel bad for even thinking it. I just crave for genuine empathy for my bpd. Sometimes I want just for a few seconds for them to get that twisting feeling. That gut wrenching pain. So they could understand how hard it is to live through this every day. 

I’m sorry if this post is dark. I just feel very alone and misunderstood.