I dont feel understood in my diagnosis. either i don't have it or i have it WITH ADHD.

I got diagnosed in 15 minutes in February by an ER doctor during a self harm/suicidal period (Jan-May) because i found out my partner was talking to multiple women, which triggered a lot of trauma and anxiety attacks I used to have because of my past ex (similar situation but not exactly). I heard that BPD is still a thing even when its ONLY present in unmet needs - romantic relationships. I SH or get suicidal only when I feel like Im not good enough (ie. from abandonment) WHEN the pain is too severe to handle.

When I am in a relationship/attachment with someone who is open with their emotions/trauma my symptoms are NOT present. For bg I did lack a bit of affection/attention as a child, so it makes sense I take it seriously as an adult + my first relationship didnt meet my needs after an ordeal. I constantly THINK and analyse a lot of things, I like to use logic and experience to weigh out if someone or something is good for me, it's never black and white, a lot of indecisiveness

I'm frustrated because I brought up casual dating without mentioning I don't look for the affection in meeting random people. I just like sex and meeting new people. IVE BEEN STABLE MOOD FOR ALMOST 2 MONTHS, haven't felt sad or really numb, I've just moved on from the trauma/situation, but he was still saying that I may be in numb depression...but I have nothing to be depressed about in my life other than avoiding triggers. I drink sometimes because it's more fun to game, not to cope all the time. I've had disorganization and time management my whole life. I don't clean up even when I'm not in a life crisis. I'm so sad because I want help for my attention and disorganization right now, I'm not even affected by the trauma like I was everyday...I know I have skills to learn to cope with bad attachments when they dont meet my needs, but I don't feel understood by him

**TL;DR**: Does anyone know anything about mild BPD only present in bad relationships? Is it just trauma and anxiety? Also anyone with ADHD and BPD?