My whole life for the most part I’ve had everything handed to me. So much so like lost who I am a bit and the will to try new things.   

I have little talent or skill in anything I do, and on the rare occasion I’m good at something I somehow find a way of fucking it all up.   

None of this is new to me, I’ve been depressed since primary school. I don’t know why but over the past few months I’ve been showing more of what I’m feeling deep down, which I usually hide.   

I tried getting help with some of this shit from the school social worker, she was helped with bits and pieces. But I still feel the same as the first time I saw her (which would have been about 4 months ago).   

I’m out of energy and motivation. I can’t focus on anything. School grades are slowly dropping, my friendships are starting to suffer.   

I want to die, but at the same time I want to live, I don’t know anymore. I find myself asking the same fucking question on the daily, should I kill myself? I’ve done self harm before a few times.  

My family cares about me, but I can’t bring myself to let them in on anything that I’m going through. There are very few people who know about me. But I feel that no matter who knows, I won’t get any better.   

I’m losing hope in any chance of my future. I don’t want to keep living like this. But I’m so fucked that I don’t have the energy to change.   

If you read all this thank you, i know it’s a mess but i just needed to get this shit off my chest. And sorry for any spelling mistakes.