F24 here, i guess i'm just trying to vent

i can't help but feeling like a burden to all of the people in my life, i'm already old enough to be financially and emotionally independent but i cant, something in me just blocks me from living up to my potential and i really know it's just my fault

right before the pandemic i was getting a little better at independence but when it hit i just sunk, and since then i have felt like there is no way out of this emotional state i'm in, last year i went for about 6 months to a psychologist and i felt like i could be better but i guess i'm not

I'm almost finishing college and i did zero networking with my classmates that could lead to work opportunities as i saw everybody else do, i don't think i have it in me to have a life on my own and every time i remember i'm still dependent on my mom for pretty much everything i feel like i just want to dissapear, people my age everywhere already have a family on their own, jobs they love, are engaged or getting married and i know even tho i have a partner i don't have enough in my life or in me to make someone want to spend the rest of their life w me

i love my family, partner and friends, and i know they love me too and i every day i wake up thankful for having them in my life but i just feel there is something very wrong with me

since i was really young i remember having this feelings towards myself, i've delt with self harming and eds before and to be honest the only reason as to why i dont do it anymore is because its the least i can do right now, to avoid hurting the people i love

i'm embarrased every time i think of myself and no matter how hard i think i'm trying i just cant get out of this, today a felt really bad and i tought that maybe i'm just meant to be living like this for the rest of my life, maybe ill be a person thats just gonna end it when it gets worst

im sorry if this post its all over the place, english its not my language and i just felt like a needed to get it out of my chest