I've a plethora of reasons to think BF &amp; I are incompatible. I'm always on time and super organised; he is often late and super disorganised, to the point of causing me a lot of stress. He embarrases me with his picky eating. He will push onions, peppers, salad to the side in a restaurant or when my parents have made a meal. We struggle to talk for more than a few minutes over our nightly calls at times. We've so few common interests and no college lectures or gossip cos time is frozen. He doesn't really follow the news, nor watch movies or TV unless it's with me, so we can't talk about those things either.

Sometimes I struggle not to look/sound condescending when he asks me really obvious questions I've been able to answer since I was like 15. It's not that my BF isn't smart, it's just that he has little interest in anything outside of video  games and sports. More relevant and the thing that really made me doubt our relationship, is the fact that he has a serious mental illness beyond anxiety/depression but is too embarrassed to get help. To be fair, he lives with his parents who don't seem to "believe" in mental illness unless it's schizophrenia or something? He has dumped stuff on me daily at his worst, even when it hurts me and I make it clear. He admits his need to feel ok is more important in the moment than my pain and he had apologsord profusely for it.Had to threaten to leave several times as I was losing sleep and constantly anxious. He's also gained 50lbs. 

I've doubted whether he's right for me for almost 6 months now. Probably daily. Sometimes like several hours a day, other times I might think about it for like 10 mins for the whole day. I appear to have developed an anxiety disorder *myself* in the last year, so I have to wonder if this is just one massive manifestation of it? He calls me every night, tells me he loves me daily, has never cheated, I should be grateful. For all I know this is me being a spoiled brat who'll end up wondering about greener pastures no matter who I'm with.  I think being long distance for most of 2020 and now hasn't helped. I wanted to marry him this time last year. Now I'm scared of what I'm missing out on but if I leave him I'm also losing a lot?