I don’t post on Reddit but I’m genuinely so desperate for any kind of validation that it’s worth a shot. (Also for context I’m 14nb)

For the last three years of my life I’ve been severely depressed but because of my age no one ever believes me when I tell them. (Tbf I don’t blame them) They’re always telling me some shit like “oh it’s just hormones/puberty it’s normal to feel like this” or the infamous “your just going through a phase.” I’m not a very articulate person so it’s hard for me to explain that it’s more than “just teenage problems” so most of the time I just bite my tongue and let it slide even tho it’s incredibly invalidating. Because of this perspective adults have towards me they’re only willing to help me if I threaten/try to hurt myself or if I’m burdening them. I feel like I’m constantly having to “prove” that I’m sick. Obviously I don’t want to do those things but sometimes I’m left with no choice. I hope one day it will be easier to get help. No one cared when I said I was struggling when I was a little kid so I have gone untreated my whole life. The paranoia, anxiety and suicide ideation I felt when I was ten has manifested into panic attacks, dissociative amnesia and mild hallucinations. When I first started experiencing this I was hopeful I would “get better” but during these past three years I don’t think there has been a day where I haven’t thought about killing myself. 

I’m so done, I feel like no matter how many times I try to reach out no one will listen. Everyone has made it so evidently clear that I don’t belong here, I don’t even have a real reason to be like this anyway, it’s just the curse of bad genetics. This cognitive impairment has fucked me up so much. I’m always crying over the smallest things, stuttering in every sentence and smelling super fucking bad, I get why people treat me the way they do. I’m the most insufferable person to be around, I hate myself more than anything.