*Possible long post. 

40yo Fem. In &amp; out of hospital &amp; on &amp; off meds since 16 years old. 

I’ve been diagnosed with literally every single thing I can think of. 

Bipolar &amp; BPD we’re the main stayers but for the last 5 years I’ve been formally diagnosed with PMDD &amp; ADHD. 

Can’t work out why meds just don’t seem to work for me. 
Cymbalta was the first time I’ve ever felt happiness like I did. But it only lasted for 2 months &amp; now I’m worse than normal. 

My Doc who never discussed Bipolar with me (newish doc) 
Thinks I’m currently in a manic cycle. 
Unless I take a sleeping med-NO sleep
I have ‘inside’ anxiety. It’s this overwhelming doom I can’t shake. 
Paranoid, like something bad is going to happen at anytime. 
Kinda of racing thoughts &amp; feel edgy
I have to take in big breaths because I just feel suffocated all the time. 
I fly into a rage at the drop of a hat. 
It’s like normal things are to much. To bright, to smelly, to noisy. 
I’m sad. But also happy. It changed all day. 

But then in a months or two I’ll be the BEST. 
Im buying all the things
Playing all the games with my kids working my butt off &amp; being super amazing (yet inconsistent) 

Then it’s back to the mad, tired racing, gross me. 

Even as I type this out I think maybe I know my answer… 

How can it all feel like mania/ adhd but some is angry &amp; some is happy? 

Ugh.