hi bpd reddit, i think this will be the last time i look for advice besides that of my own, but today, me and my partner (fp) got into a quarrel of sorts because i was drunk. i am still tipsy, but i do not get drunk often and it’s not something that they don’t do either even after i had said to not talk to me after they were drunk, because i have been abused by someone who was drunk and i was worried about their safety.

it upsets me beyond belief that i said it was “okay” even though i had STATED before that i didn’t want it happening and i had a breakdown over it, and they kept trying to justify it when it happened but when i do it it’s not? okay??? it’s so confusing for me because there’s barely any boundaries and they ended up unadding me and telling me that “at least you said it was okay” as if it would’ve been any different when i said it wasn’t. i blocked them from everything and now i’m just. i don’t know how to feel. 

it’s my fault this entire thing happened even though i was just spending time with my mom after she came back into my life and it’s so upsetting because it feels like i’m just going to be abandoned again and i can’t trust anyone. i feel beyond unwanted and i don’t even know what to do! i don’t know where to turn or what to think and everything hurts right now, but nothing hurts at the same time.