I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I'm only 18 but I just have no energy to apply myself to anything, I don't see any stable future supporting me. As much as I want to get up and attempt to apply myself for a job, a course, just something to keep me motivated I can't, instead I sit in my room all day and feel sorry for myself that's the hard truth. 

For several years I've had these thoughts of just dying and although I'm scared too the temptation is literally making me go insane. I'm always ignored and pushed whenever I've tried to make an effort for everybody, I've always been nice to people and csr d for them and tried so hard to make sure everyone was okay because it was the only thing that made me feel better about myself but in the long run it doesn't make anything better as people always come and go and don't come back. No one genuinely cares which I get it understandable because people have to work on themselves but my parents don't even understand when I try talking to them and if no one is to there to hear me call out for help on not take me seriously, not to just ask of I'm okay, then I'm out. I just can't deal with everything as it's way too overwhelming.

This may be some shitty post on Reddit for most of you but I think I'm finally ready to leave this God forsaken shit ridden planet so adios amigos 😵