Warning: this is a sappy mess. Happy New Years everyone

I just wanted to write down that New Years has been so amazing and comforting bc I finally got to spend a day with my partner, and while I’m in a GOOD headspace and I think it’s just.... so comforting and nice because it reminds me how good my feelings can be when I’m not an anxious insecure mess. I get to be a bouncy ball of positive energy! It’s me! and I actually feel good about myself. Everything is golden. The pain inside can’t bother me. everything is so real and I can see it. 

Most days having so much emotion about every little thing is so exhausting... It’s rare to have the mental energy and bravery to let myself feel happy, but when I do, it’s a reminder that maybe so much feeling can be really nice too. 

I feel bad that I can’t just accept myself all the time, but my partner has always still done his best for me and loves me a whole lot and never expects much even though he deserves better, but ...... today, i am good for him, today I was strong. I am grateful, and it gives me hope that I can continue to be good. to him AND to myself. 

Yay