I’ve always known my anxiety has limited me from doing things, but now im in my early 20s, and this is not the time to be anxious, but fuck it’s so hard to get your life together in that manner.
It gets so overwhelming that i just want to quit. I’m an artist and its always up and downs with how much you make, but often times it’s not enough to make a living. 

Im dreading going to work, i don’t sleep before work, and if i do its 1-2hrs before i have to go in. (retail)
I cannot sleep, melatonin, weed, and even food do not help me anymore. Apart of me wishes to speak to a professional because i feel like something is wrong with me, apart of me doesn’t want the reassurance that i do have mental issues because then i’ll feel like my biggest fear will come true, and give in to a sickly mentality just cause. 

I hurt myself to snap out of it, but that isn’t healthy coping. Im always fearful of something, it could be nothing. But the very feeling itself makes me do horrible things like walk out of a job. It’s hurting my relationship, no boyfriend wants to be with someone who’s afraid to work with people. 

I feel so insecure, i have no self esteem or balls to say “fuck it”. I’ve been mentally weak with nothing to stimulate me positively. 

Any advice?