I'm going to school right now for massage therapy and I felt so anxious today.

I started taking anti anxiety meds 1.5 weeks ago and I feel less intense/sharp, but today I couldn't stop crying and thinking that nobody respects me or thinks I'm doing well at school. I'm always wondering what people are thinking of me. People are super stressed right now in my class as it's the end of term almost, so I'm trying not to take anything personally. But any time I talk to someone to say hi, they just leave it very one sided and either just walk away or don't say much back.

Like maybe there's something wrong with me though. I've been super depressed this whole school year and maybe I've let that show too much or maybe I've been doing the same thing to people. I've been so stressed out that I've been sick 5 times in the last 8 months, I've missed classes and some days I get so anxious I want to throw up. I've managed to pass all my classes but barely.

I feel like I don't really matter to people, I feel needy for wanting some positive feedback. I feel too sensitive when I can't accept even the smallest feedback. Like maybe I'm narcissistic? These last few years have been super rough for me, but I still feel like whenever I bring up my issues with friends or family everyone just brushes it off like it's no big deal, or they tell me stories of how theyve had it worse. So I just feel like my pain isn't enough. Like I have to really fail before someone will maybe care. And maybe not even then. Or maybe nobody will care just because I think no one will care.

I feel like I do this to myself but I can't seem to just "get over it". Any time I bring up how I feel people are quick to say I have nothing to worry about or I have other things I should focus on. But that just makes me feel worse. 

All I can do is go through my list of self care, awkwardly try to talk to people in class and try not to say awkward things, try to save face when I do accidentally say something dumb, or go home and cry afterwards regardless.

I got CBT apps, mood journal apps, I try to journal when things get too much, and I've been trying to find YouTube self help videos.

I think I may have adhd and I'm just really struggling with that and I just feel like everyone is judging me all the time and I can't ignore it.