I do not know where I lost myself in the process of growing up. I don't have any drive to do anything anymore. Everything is dull and unappealing. I see people around me having aspirations, desires, goals and having high bar of achievements and what not, then I look at myself and I realise I'm just living without a goal. I'm just stumbling aimlessly through this meaningless existence. 

It's not like I don't have desires. Yes I wanna workout and get the dream body. Yes I want to get more skills. Yes I want to be an interesting person and so much more. But my drive to commit myself to get all of these is negligible. That drive, it's just not there and I do not know why.

My health is in ruins, my body is weak and I've had some surgery people get at 40, despite being young because I lead a sedentary life.. and idk what's going to be of my career or where i'll be in a year or how I will be 5 years down the line. Tbh the things that actually matter for my survival and should be bothering me, I've thrown them in the ditch and given up myself. 

It''s hard to explain but there is this hollowness a cavity which keeps clawing me. I get upset and cry atleast 2 times in a day over anything. I do not know why I'm so lost and unattached with my own self. Why is my committment and will power weak. I want to bounce on my feet asap before I ruin me more.

I wish to be like others who chase what they want.

Please someone guide me