(tw mentions of self harm?)
I’m tagging this as person without bpd because I don’t have an official diagnosis and because posting this on here makes me feel like shit but I don’t have anyone to talk to so.
I’m a college student (psychology) and I still live with my parents (I’m from Europe). I have no money or independence.
My parents don’t really believe in psychology and they believe me even less when I try to tell them about my issues. They’re very emotionally distant people, my mom thinks all my problems exist because I am intelligent. I have arfid (an eating/sensory disorder) which they don’t believe me and never have believed me, so they tried all kinds of things, from forcing me to eat stuff I can’t eat, to neglecting me as a punishment, and so on.
I was bullied in elementary school and had a couple close friendships in high school, almost all of which I managed to ruin somehow.
I’ve never had a relationship before because every time I had the chance I sent them away before anything could happen because I couldn’t handle the thought of them breaking up with me. 
Not sure why I’m saying all this. Anyway.
 
I have a therapist since my 18th birthday, but it’s the same one I did all of my iq tests etc with when I was like 8 (my parents had me do that).
I have an inofficial diagnosis (oral) for ptsd and I mentioned to her that I think I might have bpd last week and sent her a huge document on why.
She basically just told me I’m too functioning to have bpd and it’s just the stress from college that makes me feel this way.
I liked her until that moment.
I’m currently sitting in a library, trying to study, I have a really strong urge to harm myself and I also want to change my therapist but idk how to do that without my parents knowing and also bc money (I don’t have a job). 
I have no idea why i’m writing this here, its incomplete and chaotic. Please don’t be mad at me. Thankyou and have a nice day