I was in a Discord server with some friends I’d met online. One person was making me uncomfortable (flirting and whatnot). I told him multiple times to stop and he didn’t, so I told him to leave me alone. It should have ended then and there.

However, then things got bad. 

I started basically mocking and harassing this person with extremely poor social skills, inadvertently turning people against him. I was so preoccupied in making sure that I didn’t get stalked or hurt that I became malicious in order to “protect” myself. I wanted to drive this person away.

As a result, I lost those friends that I had. They were disgusted with what I did and want nothing to do with me now. I don’t blame them: I didn’t use my DBT skills and I badly hurt someone who simply didn’t know any better. I would not be surprised if my old friends never forgave me. 

This has been a horrible wake-up call for me. Not realizing my toxic behavior until being confronted about it has scared me so much. I feel like I am a bad person as I am right now, but I don’t want to be. I have learned that I need very extensive treatment in order to even have friends, or even a productive life, someday.