so i've been depressed since i was 12 (i'm 18 now). i'm just coming out of a psychotic phase and i did a psychological evaluation a couple of days ago. it came back saying i was mildly depressed and all my friends and family were genuinely happy to hear that. to them, it meant that i was back to my usual self. this was quite disheartening to me, but then, when i thought about it, i realized how comfortable i am with being depressed. it honestly feels like i got maybe a few "good" months in six years, and everything else was just feeling empty and/or deeply unhappy. at this point i don't think i'll ever get to be actually, genuinely happy in day to day life. to be honest, i don't really know what that means. like, what does being happy feel like? is it having energy, looking forward to waking up the next day? is it feeling loved? is it loving someone? is it being contempt with yourself? it is so weird to me that other people aren't low all the time. how does that even work?

this post may come off as ironic, but i'm actually being more honest than i normally am. if someone could just describe what being "well" is like, that would be very helpful. the only memories i have of being happy are from my childhood and i know it can't be like that when you're an adult.

i don't think i would even know how to operate being truly happy.