I'm paranoid and not trusting of people and I feel like I have this bad enegery that's attached to me and won't leave me alone. And people treat me badly talking indirectly about me infront of me because of it. Making me feel even more crazy. This has happened twice this week and now I never wanna leave my house again. The only time I have peace is when I'm alone. I'm not even being paranoid. I've spent most my life from 14-now (27) isolated. It's gotten worse as I get older. And the past 3 years have been the worst. I used to at least get some socialising gaming but I can't even do that anymore. I go years without talking to anyone. I can't get help because anytime I do I become numb and feel like all my thoughts are taken away. I also start feeling like people Harbor negative feelings about me. Ever since I had a few drug induced psychosis I have never been the same.  I feel like when I go out in public I feel this crazy enegry in me like I'm gonna lose control. I don't hear voices and I don't see things.  That's only happened when it was drug induced. But I have all of the other symptoms. I haven't really gone into depth its hard to explain a lot of what goes on in my head. I don't know what's wrong with me....
I was addicted to opiates the past year and I went on suboxone for a week and a half to get off them. But they were making me feel so anxious. I couldn't go into the pharmacy anymore because one of them told the others to keep an eye on me and that I'm "vacuous". It made me feel like shit about myself and  I've been having suicidal thoughts ever since.
Its this enegery that makes me feel crazy and people pick up on it and treat me shit. They always comment about me indirectly making fun of me. Now I'm back on opiates and I feel a little better but I'm losing hope and feel fearful all the time.