i make myself feel like shit, on purpose and subconsciously. i tell myself i deserve all the bad things happening to me and that none of this is even that bad im just weak. other people go through so many horrible things, why can’t i just be normal. 


i transferred from child to adult psychiatry so i haven’t been to therapy in a few months. i stopped my Wellbutrin and Lexapro cold turkey. i haven’t been eating. I know this is all wrong and not the “right decisions”. but i want to do it to myself bc i don’t deserve to get better.