*Might have donked up with the tag, not sure mods, please delete if i did, meant "non-urgent input requested"*


So like, i made friends with a professor and he was super cool and understanding and i kinda got the "been through some shit" vibe. As an older colllege student i dont really even try to bond with the young ppl, im the same age as most departmental administrators as an undergrad.

But J was super engaged, interesting, about my age, we were into all the same weird corners of agro-STEM, and we were chatting daily.


**TRIGGER BELOW**

And then my coworker found him dead, on the saturday. We'd been talking about what to talk about at work on monday via chat on friday(i work for the school too) and i dunno what else to say, like i am still in shock (three weeks ago now) and i've lost so many friends to suicide i feel like i should be better at coping with this. I think i dont have that self hate tendency i used to to use it as an excuse, i genuinely dont see what could get me to try again so dont worry..

But somehow it makes it harder to process. I cant mourn him, im still trying to bargain, and we were coworkers, i was a student, at best we were *becoming* friends.

I dunno really what im asking for, perspective, closure, people who need help opening up so i can at least try to help someone after something like this flew under he radar until it was too late, not that it brings him back or makes anything better for his family.

Just promise me, please, even if youre a lurker, post here before doing anything your friends and loved ones might regret, so that we can all remind you that you are never alone in your struggle &lt;3