Since I was around 13 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety, but around the ages of 17-19 it became much much more intense and led to an era of suicidality and substance abuse, I had multiple revolving door 5150's, but eventually I ended up in a 5250 and the psychiatrist was convinced I had bipolar 2. The reason I doubt that is because the symptoms dont feel like they match up, and I was withdrawing from heavy drug use at the time of diagnosis. I ended up in rehab after that where they were convinced I had borderline personality disorder. I was put on deprakine and lamictal and things have been a bit better since, I feel like my flare ups went from days/weeks to hours now. But to be honest I don't know what my actual symptoms are because since Ive been sober Ive continously been on meds. Sometimes I get flareups of anxiety and depression but I really don't know what to think of them. I don't know if I have what it takes to be completely honest with a psychiatrist. Theres some stuff that Ive never told them, for example sometimes I feel like I made everything up and I was never sick. But at the same time I know thats not true, the scars of slit wrists can tell me that much. I'm 20 and Im taking 3 pills a day, but Im still not exactly sure what for. Does anybody have any answers for me? I feel so lost. I can barely afford meds and therapy is out of the question.