TW: DV - Emotional Abuse

So I'm an overthinker. I always have been. Thinhs that don't warrant anxiety are thought about over and over. Words I could have picked better. Faces I should or shouldn't have made. "Why did I say that?" "They probably think that you're rude now.. they definitely think there's something wrong from you." "They're right to keep their distance." It's overwhelming to say the least.

I was emotionally abused for a period of 10 years. Treated as though I was nothing and everything I said or did was wrong/incorrect/unkind etc. Made to feel like I couldn't make my own decisions without making the wrong choice. Taught to always walk on eggshells and be extremely careful with words. I was taught to live in fear.... And so now I do. 

I'm constantly panicking that I'm doing or saying something to offend someone even if I know I haven't. Even if all logic says otherwise. I still believe deep down that I've done something to offend someone and they punish me by not speaking to me (this being the punishment I was often given by my ex husband). These thoughts and feelings are a constant occurrence for me. And because it's happened so often, I tend to wonder if I'm actually making it up in my head or maybe I just am a horrible person. 

I don't want to think this way about myself. I want to stop overthinking every tiny decision I make. I want to be confident with who I am. But how do I do that?

I get easily attached to people because of my personality and my empathy. Every time I meet someone new in any context I'm socially awkward and if someone is nice to me and I feel like we could be friends then I overthink it and truly believe people dislike me or think I'm too much. Trying to hard. Or whatever else.

I am ALWAYS on edge waiting for the other show to drop.

Do you have any tips for me to help my anxiety when it comes to this kind of overthinking? It would be so kindly appreciated.

FYI: I am in therapy. 🙏