They are two of the most toxic horrible human beings on the planet. I know if I talk to them when I feel like this they will make me feel 10 times worse. I will get blamed I'm told it's all my fault and that I'm crazy. Further than I deserve to feel isolated and alone . It's not a good idea yet I absolutely crave that immediate gratification of hearing a human voice. I'm going to pay for it in the end though. Trying to self soothe . Damn this stuff is hard.