I hate being too sensitive.  I hate not standing up for myself and then having everything blow up and it being my fault foe letting it get to that point.  I don't want to be me.  I don't want to die but I don't want to continue being me.  I want a body and mind transplant.  Maybe then my chronic physical pain would be gone too.

I don't know what I want, but I'll gladly take advice or whatever you think might help.  Even just knowing I'm not alone in these feelings would help.  I fucking hate BPD so much but I also feel like it is my identity, so that means I hate myself because I hate my identity. 