I feel like shit. I'm in my 2nd year at uni and so far my grades have been subpar. I'm not failing but I'm not doing as well as I want to. I'd ask professors for help but I'm too fucking anxious to even email them. I feel like crying almost every day and I realised I think it's bad now but when I graduate with the same grade (assuming I don't improve) then life after uni would be even more fucking depressing. I don't know what to do. And I know the answer is simple, to reach out for help but why does it feel so terrifying? I study philosophy and my mind is blank, I feel like everyone here is smarter than me and it's so embarrassing because I used to be the best of my class when I was studying Philosophy A-level (idk how to explain it for you American folk, it's a UK thing) and so it feels even worse that I can barely grasp anything anymore. I even remember my teacher telling me I'll love university, because I always liked to do additional research on Philosophy but nope... I hate university.

 After having a breakdown in front of my dad, he encouraged me to reach out to the unis mental health service. All they did is refer me to NHS talking therapies that have a long ass waiting list. Thanks. I feel like I can't function or do anything well. Some of my teachers don't even know my name and I don't even know what I want to do in the future. Everything feels hopeless, not in a suicidal way but in a "why do I have to feel like this?" way.