*I'm open for constructive criticism but please no hateful comments as I've gotten some before the other day on this subreddit*

For the record I actually apologize a lot. And again not sure if this is true but for someone recently diagnosed with BPD I have a lot of close friends that care about me. I do however have a handful failed friendships/relationships (but more friends than ex friends still). 

I see the saying a lot online "If you are always the victim in the situation you are most likely the problem"

I don't understand that saying honestly because doesn't everyone usually think they are in the right or have been done wrong when they are in a argument or falling out with someone? 

I've had a really hard time lately with people misunderstanding me or seemingly taking advantage of me. From my best friends' perspective I put myself in bad situations with bad people and I refuse to see red flags for the sake of acceptance and avoiding rejection. 

Recently I've had a handful of falling outs, but with people from my past who I reconnected with. It's been 6 years since I've spoke to them and when we reconnected on chat online they all slowly started to turn against me. 

They all had morals I didn't agree with but I kept trying to keep the friendship alive by being accepting and being as sweet as I could. When I didn't agree with them I could tell they looked down on me with snide remarks and such. 

It led to them one day without a word blocking me. I was shocked and confused. I messaged one of the friends and they accused me of being narcissistic and having one sided conversations. 

I genuinely had no idea what they were talking about. I showed my friends and partner and asked them if I was honestly a narcissist in the group chat. 

My friends and partner said the only thing I did wrong was pretty much not see the red flags and leave the conversation when they expressed misogynistic and racist views. And that no they didn't think I was being a narcissist or at least it didn't seem like it. My friends though don't understand why I don't drop toxic people fast like they do. I have a difficult time dropping people.  I usually get dropped first. 

I'm pretty down about the situation. I hate making enemies and ex friends. But mostly I'm mad that I don't see red flags or rather that I ignore them for the sake of not being rejected. 

Also watching movies about people with BPD that hollywood has demonized has not helped me mentally at all. It gives me so much anxiety to see unhealthy people with BPD because I'm so paranoid that I am as bad as that. 

Another example is Gabbie Hanna who I cannot stand. I pray and hope that no one ever sees me like her. 

I truly hope that I am right when I'm in a bad falling out because I don't want to cry wolf or play victim when I'm not. 

But I truly think I'm not at fault for most of my bad situations. I've been feeling so down.