Let’s end things as is * , I have too much on my plate. I love you enough that I want you to be happy whether it be with or without me. I can’t let you be who I fall on, or others. It’s unhealthy for the both of us. I have always been selfish with you— hurting you, testing you, doubting you.. it’s not fair. I’m sorry for doing that to someone again. I’m sorry for letting my bad side come out, it was bound to. I just hid it very well. You know typically, I would’ve done something to make you hate me so this would be less painful for me, but you were so good to me and even if I’m letting you go at the cost of myself and us, at least I did one thing right in our time together. I have a lot of healing to do with myself. Before we got together, I had just gotten out of a relationship with him and I put my all into that too, still showing the same traits I did then and now. I didn’t let myself get better. I didn’t let myself get comfortable with the loneliness. I’ve had a person there to fill the void all this time. Thank you for being my first to everything, I had wished you’d also be my last. 
You want to know why I love you?
I love you for the way you hold me even when you’re confused and I’m in a headspace that forces me to cry. The way you rub my forehead.. your kisses, the way you look at me.. I know you love me and I forget that when I’m alone. Your patience with me , you don’t get my pain, but you make me feel so safe. I love your smile and the way you start to smirk when something to you is funny. I love your i’m going to miss * when you listen to music and you start getting into it makes me laugh.. I love listening to you talk about your video games, your fun facts that pop up. you’re really intelligent , you know that? i hope you get the * i hope your * hope you get into the school you want, figure what you want to do.. i hope you pass *
i never wanted to say it, but i’m jealous of you. you come from a home unlike mine, you have brains, and the ability to push yourself. you’re mature, you’re independent.. you’re a lot stronger than I am. 
I love you so much, i’m struggling saying all of this.. letting you go. I don’t want to at all. for all i know i could be splitting right now, but in my heart i feel this is the right thing to do, for you. i made you feel like you weren’t enough but you’ve always been more than enough I just couldn’t seem to see it with how blind I was. You tried your best to understand me until you couldn’t. Nobody is going to love me the way I want them to, even you. That’s why I need to be alone and have nobody until I can just love myself. I love you more than myself, without you, I feel like nothing. my world revolves around you. I’m sorry for hurting you so many times, truthfully I was being manipulative. It was my way to get my validation that you needed me. i want to feel needed by someone. the more we’re together, the more i learn about the underlying issues i have from my childhood, my parents. you are not deserving of having to handle me while I heal from that and sort my shit out, nobody is. its an ugly, and very slow process. it came at the expense of yourself. I did this to you before, I told you I wasn’t happy, I wanted a break. I hurt you and afterwards it was nothing. Thats learned, I know it’s not normal. I acted as though it were just another day without taking into account you. It’s how I handle my demons, its easy to desensitize myself.
I love you so much , and I’m so sorry.