My boyfriend is in Japan for two weeks. Along with the jealousy I feel, I really feel abandoned and hurt, even though I’ve known this was going to be happening for over six months now.
I really do miss him. We both moved out together July 1st and I feel like I’ve barely gotten to see him. I’ve been really stable the past six months and I feel like the second he left, something broke inside me. I know it’s only two weeks without him and it’s really unfair of me to be acting out like this, but I felt really suicidal the first night and cut again. He hadn’t even gotten off the plane yet and I know it really, really upset him. He even said he’d take the next flight home if he had to and texted my mom because he was really worried.
I know he cares about me but every part of me is screaming. I feel so, so lonely and like he doesn’t care about me, even though I consciously know this isn’t the case. He’s been gone barely 24 hours and I’m already worried I’m going to have to do another inpatient stay. Everything hurts. I’m so selfish but I don’t know how I’m going to survive two weeks without him, as sad as that is.