I know the title is really ambiguous, but let me elaborate. Whenever I awoke in the past, not-medicated, within 10-30 mins, I'd become depressed, and since I started taking a mood stabilizer, I haven't had that issue in years. But, sometimes I still have one issue when waking up: mania. 

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I've seen a lot of people on here call it "Rage, Hatred Towards Everyone", I used to think that's what it was too, but it's not just that exclusively, at least for me, it's simply a "piece", of the episode. 

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I am going to do my best to explain the way this feels, as it's been a very, VERY, long time since I've had an episode like this.


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My night's rest was good, I had some dreams where I was using passive-aggressive, and outright aggressive actions for some reason. I haven't been too stressed out lately, just over some stuff, but I was severely disappointed by something yesterday, and I don't know if that contributed to it, since I managed to talk myself down; In fact, I managed to get rid of the negativity nearly altogether at some moments.

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I went to the smoke shop to get some stuff about an hour after I woke up, and the guy at the counter was over-charging for some reason, he wouldn't listen to anything I said about the price, instead just insisted on the cost. For some reason, before I even got back into my car, I was very frustrated with the situation, unusually so. 

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After I got in my car I was fuming, I went to the gas station to get a drink, realized the guy charged me the wrong price and on my way out I stated "Fucking idiot", well within ear-shot. The last stop was another gas station, wherein I tried to calm myself down with deep breathing, but to no avail. 

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When I got to the front, the cashier tried to exchange small talk, my response? "Credit, no receipt, thanks". GOt in my car saying to myself "Why the fuck do these people always want to talk, I don't want to talk, fucking talk to someone else; Get a damn friend." After I got home, I felt this strange sense of euphoria, and I started jamming out singing/guitar playing etc., I am not sure if that helped, alongside my meds, but I'd imagine so.

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It's been about 2hrs, and I've calmed down for the most part.

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The best way I can explain it, is it's a complete disregard for all social norms, being completely callous towards people for no reason whatsoever, but entrapped by intense, out-of-nowhere, euphoria once alone in closed-quarters.

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I just wanted to document this incident, see if anyone else can relate, and or explain what they think is happening. I know that as a borderline, I experience emotions far more intensely, until I can better manage my issues, but this, this is similar to the depression, except the polar opposite, almost similar I'd imagine to a bipolar episode; Minus the length, and the insomnia. 

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But still, similar behaviours.