Day started pretty rough. Had an appointment with my psychiatrist, plus the 2 bus rides there and back. Was completely exhausted when I was back home.

Got better over the day. Even to the point where I was genuinely happy for an amount of time.

Wanted to watch a movie. The one actress reminded me so much of my fo who abandoned me that I stopped watching.

Was just feeling so strange again, so I grabbed my blade and went to the shower.

For an short amount of time I had an „break from reality“. I was feeling nothing. Not even the pain. I mean I dissociate from time to time but not in this amount.

Then I came back to myself. I was able to feel and control myself again, but still quite distant from the situation.

Disinfected the wounds. They weren’t as deep this time, so no need to worry about that.

Now I’m just here. Still feeling the same strange feeling as before. The sh did nothing to feel me better this time, sadly.

I don’t feel bad or something right now, just…strange. I don’t know what to do now.