I don’t want to go into too much detail about my relationship. Basically, we were together for almost 6 years. We have a house and we’re working through our issues to eventually get married. Now it’s falling apart and I think she’s going to end it. 
I’ve been in a depressive episode since July and this didn’t help at all. I’m in shock right now because I don’t feel my usual depression feelings. Everything seems fake. Like reality has shifted. 
I’m usually the type to cry and be super pessimistic when I’m in these episodes, but right now I just feel confused. Anyway, I think this shock is giving me a chance to try some self love activities. I’m going to shower and then get a pedicure. I’m nervous to get the pedicure because I’m confused and sad to the point where I have these weird ass “crazy eyes”. It sounds weird, but I’m just lost. 

This is a ramble and mess, I know.  Just wanted to let someone know that I’m trying.