I've been talking to this guy for a few days. He originally contacted me to console me and cheer me up. I wasn't going to respond initially, but I thought it would be a nice, quick conversation and messaged him anyway. That nice, quick conversation lasted for a few days. It was a wonderful experience. He made me laugh in a way I haven’t in a longtime. Slowly I began to develop a crush on him.

 Throughout our chat we were flirting with one another through double entendre and innuendo. The other day I finally alluded to the fact that I was actually interested in him. He points out that I never asked him if he was single, and told me he was a relationship. This left me downcast. It wasn't his intention, but the flirting had become more than an  idle fancy for me. I was hoping there was a genuine spark. I had hoped we could slowly go from friends to dating. Him telling me he was in a relationship broke me.

He wants us to be friends, but that's definitely not what I want. I told him I can't speak to him anymore, and probably never will. My loneliness makes it impossible for me to settle for friendship. I'll just bumble along like usual. 

It seems to be the arc of my life to never have a man come into my life who can love me. I've been told I have things to offer, but I get routinely ignored. I've tried dating apps and activities, but nothing. I'm so tired of being hurt and cast aside. I always don't measure up for some damn  reason. I really want to share my love with someone. 

I feel angry because I wish we hadn't engaged in all that flirting over those days so that I wouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I feel angry because he knew how lonely I was and still kept flirting with me and only belatedly revealed he was in a relationship. 

I've never been loved by anyone in my life. I wished he understood how much being loved means to me. I wish he hadn't toyed with me. I wish I could be good enough.