I have been crippled my whole life just turned 37 and am scared that I'll grow old in deep mediocrity. For example, I buy everything like books etc for GED and Python for DevOps so I can work in my area, Silicon Valley, and get an amount of money for myself that makes sense and meets requirements for survival.. But I won't sit down and study or read. GED would be life changing for me.. as I wouldn't be a dropout anymore. I slept through high school I've had chronic lifelong mental unwillingness all my life. I want out. Recently was the worst.. I enrolled in college because I was rejected from employment 150+ times at least (as I see it I cannot align skills with technologies at play in the job descriptions, nor can i find a desire to do the tests employers require) and they had an assignment for Python programming called "Bell triangle" after I could not solve it I basically have no desire to do the class.. I feel like I'm defeated even worse, and now don't want to do anything but lay around even worse off than before.

I take atomoxetine 60mg at 8am and 10mg at 12:00pm.. It is the closest I've ever gotten to being uncomfortable with mediocrity but it doesn't work fully after 2 months now.. It comes close and teases me with effects.. I added aniracetam and it potentiates the atomoxetine a little but nothing breaks the unwillingness that has me permanently cursed...

Also I sense a mental depletion of some kind.

I tried fluoxetine 40mg for awhile.. I don't know if it is effective my new doctor reduced the dose of it and i discontinued. After atomoxetine I hold hope that the right drug combination will put me into productive willing mind.. obedience is one facet of atomoxetine that stands out, but it is never consistent. right now the aniracetam or something wore off and i feel depleted and unwilling to do anything but use the internet and lay down in bed..