I used to be able to- to act in a way that made sense, if it was hazy and sticky- but now I cannot and I'm afraid of being taken over by it all the time and then I get taken over by *that* fear
I want to know exactly how horrible and how disorganized it's normal to feel all the time forever
It's hours of pain worse than any other physical or mental pain, I can barely think a single clear thought through it, or control my limbs, I lose track of time, and it can be every day for the longest time
It makes me feel like I'd do anything to end it, I've ended up cutting my neck and hitting my head against concrete walls 
I feel like no matter what if I knew what the real Good And Kind Thing To Do was I would probably do it, but I don't have that information, every path seems to lead to destruction