So i dunno how to really explain this. I got the diagnosis two months ago. I have heard from so many therapists that i'm emotionally unstable and have a problem controlling my impulses. Like i agree that i may act on pure rapid apearing emotions for example: buy crap i don't need just to feel better because i got something new, dissociating as soon as things get too much, drastically turn to self harm as soon as the slightest mistake happens or contemplate suicide over breakups etc. and then feeling completely fine in a matter of mere minutes just to feel a completely different kind of shitty 5 mins later. Docs explained to me that's like textbook bpd what i have but i never had that stuff like exploding anger with screaming at others or abusive behaviour. I mean i get angry over the slightest criticism and slightly change personality to reafirm myself i am something better (if that makes any sense). I wouldn't describe myself as abusive, though i heard from people that i have a manipulating behaviour sometimes and i'd say i'm probably sometimes pretty good at getting what i want although i hate that part about myself. I get people to like me and then the next day i find them annoying. Most times what i liked today i hate tomorrow.

There are a few more things that would fit in but with all that said i STILL doubt my diagnosis sometimes. It's not like i WANT to have it although i embarassingly have to admit it makes me feel special(?) and maybe that's why i need reassurance? I don't know i just sometimes feel like i am misdiagnosed because the symptoms aren't always as extreme. I am sorry if this sounds like i'm a stupid edgy shit that doesn't know what he's talking about.