
Here’s a little backstory:

i’m a college student. i work full time as a barista and i have another job at a church as well. the past month has been absolute trash. found out one of my mentors passed away suddenly over facebook and then a couple week later found out one of my coworkers died. and the worst part about my coworker dying was that everyone got a phone call except for me. to make matters worse, my grandma was rushed to the hospital a couple days ago and i was worried sick. I have a large group of friends due to my major and always having to be around then but some of them are just being flat out rude to me. and for no reason at all. i’m so extremely nice to them and i get argued with and contradicted?? 

Anyway, i’m the person that everyone talks about their problems to. no matter if i wanna hear it or not, i’m apart of everyone’s drama. i would love to be able to open up with some of my friends but i just can’t. after my past trauma i can’t bring myself to open up to people anymore. i just feel like everyone’s going to leave anyway so what’s the point? i have a therapist but i don’t see her for at least another week and even then i can’t fully open up to her. she even told me i need to see someone who can put me on adhd and antidepressants. like she can’t even help me i guess…

i’m sorry this was long i guess i just needed to rant anonymously.! any tips on how to not wanna off myself? i’m so numb at this point but all this built up stress is in my chest and i can’t let go of my emotions like i want to. i don’t even know what’s really keeping me goi at this point