It kind of sucks that I started my freshman year online. Though, I'm kind of grateful for it, seeing that I'm introverted, shy, have social anxiety, like all those negative ingredients that were mixed and formed- me. It may suck for others to start their college life online, but for me, it's a really good blessing, but not for long though.

I really don't know how the college system works in other schools, but I guess our university kind of employs almost the same system with the others. Like, I've just finished my first semester, and just last month, \*we\* started \*our\* second semester. As you can see with the asterisks, I say "we" because technically, we are starting our second semester. But for me, nope. I've decided to stay out of college for a while and perhaps go back in the future when the time's right for me. Since the start of my online college life, I thought that everything would be fine and well. And it did, my grades were fine, passing even, but as days passed by, my anxiety started kicking in. As days passed by, it became more and more difficult to contain my thoughts, and that those thoughts have made my anxiety even worse.

I never thought that online life will do this to me. I've always been on the tech side of things, and that I considered the online class as a blessing for me, but I guess, things just did not turn quite well for me. Right now, I still am suffering from it, and that I still have thoughts of the future (which is perhaps the worst thought of all), and that I still have thoughts of what I would be and what I would become in the future.

My point is, it just sucks. Perhaps college life may not be for me, or perhaps the pandemic's doing some bad wonders in my mental health (in which I can agree, since the pandemic can bring a lot of negative effects to the mental health of people). Though, I can say that perhaps the university that I was in was ultimately the carrier of my negative thoughts and anxieties. Everything was fine at first before I was in college (even when there was a pandemic, I did not mind staying at home for a whole month or year), but now, everything's just bad, like so bad.