so its one of those times were i just contemplate about life and feel down/depressed which happens quite often i just need a rly bad day or even some resemblance to myself in a show i watch and boom my mind goes to places where i think "i just need 1 more push so i can end it"...

anyway i usually cope quite well with these phases by embracing them but there are some constant fears i have which i just cant get rid of for example the above stated.

im not rly bad looking or a mood killer im even somewhat popular at least thats what i get from the people i dont interact much with (yay me) but i just cant get close with woman the first instance i realize someone is interested in me i unconsciously distance myself and if im interested its even worse  i just fear that in case i get attached to someone and that someone then leaves me i would just break down in the worst way even now i feel like im just waiting for my parents (which are the only people i still care about) die since they are the main anchor i still have and once they are gone i wont have anything thats holding me down anymore.

dont know if im the only one with this problem or if its even depression but i guess its back to cope for me\^\^