So I've just scheduled to delete my account, I've done this numerous times but tonight is the final straw. 

I just can't deal with it anymore, the fake friends, the superficial conversations, people saying "I'm always there for you bro". No you aren't, you're just telling me what I want to hear. 

I get it, depression is a bastard to deal with, I bet I annoy the shit out of people complaining all the time, posting negative shit on my stories constantly. 

I just can't be fucked anymore, tired of always helping other people with their problems but nobody gives a shit about mine. 

There was this one girl who I am gonna miss we was only friends but I felt like she understood me. 

We'd send each other voice notes about our struggles and she really is an awesome women! 

I should have got her number before I came off it because she's like the only women that has really listened to me and treated me like a human, I think I'm gonna reactivate my account before it gets deleted and get her number because I don't wanna lose contact with her tbh. I'm not bothered about the other people on my IG they can go to hell. 

We both suffer from BPD, I'm a guy btw. 

Don't know what the purpose of this post is I'm just pissed off, I'm 30 next year and all I do is fucking opiates and sit in my room most of the day.. I have no real homies, only been in 1 relationship, and I just feel like an alien amongst everyone my age. 

I just don't know how to fix my life, I've stopped smoking cigs, weed, but I can't seem to be satisfied with life sober. 

Also I'm fairly certain I have undiagnosed ADHD as well.. I'm already diagnosed with BPD and Conduct Disorder. 

The mental health system in the UK is an absolute joke to be honest, currently waiting on a referral from my doctors for an ADHD assessment but it's taking the piss.  They have fucked me around so much it's becoming hard to be positive about anything in my life anymore. 

I just don't know where to go from here. 

I hope you've all had a somewhat good weekend anyways, much love!