Okay, so I’m kind of venting here. Sorry if any of this gets to be TMI. I’m just really confused right now and appreciate any feedback you guys have. So, I’ve been dating this girl for about four months. We met in collage. She’s 19 and I’m 22. Things have been going really well; we both really into each other and I can see us together long term. The only issues is that some old insecurities are popping up. 

About a week ago she told me about this guy she semi-casually hooked up with last summer (from what I can tell it was much more casual on his part than it was for her). That wasn’t long before we met, and it’s just really been really been bothering me.

Now, I just want to be clear, this isn’t one of those ‘my girlfriend isn’t a virgin’ posts. This is more about me than it is her. She’s not very sexually experienced, but I knew that she wasn’t a virgin or whatever going in. That’s not really an issue for me. I’ve done some stuff too, just not a lot and not nearly as recently. This was just the first time specifics were brought up, and it’s reminding me of stuff from my past that’s making me worry.

So, my first girlfriend, in high school, cheated on me with some guy at a party. I guess it wasn’t a great relationship in the first place, but hit me really hard. It took me years just to recover from that and get back out dating again. I was seventeen at the time, and most of the experience with sex that I have was with her. I haven’t really done anything since then, and even then we were awkward teenagers, and never really did much of anything penetrative.

Growing up I wanted me and the woman I married to be each other’s only sexual partners; I always thought it was a super romantic idea. That said, things didn’t work out that way. I was stupid in high school, I fell in love with a girl who I I got engaged to at 17, and she betrayed me. That really hurt for a long time, but I’ve come to terms with it.

I’ve had a few relationships since then, but generally they’ve been pretty bad experiences. I didn’t have sex with any of them, and that’s caused some people to just up and leave me. That always hurts, but I guess I can’t blame them if they weren’t looking for anything serious. I just can’t bring myself to have casual sex though. Sex means a lot to me, and I can’t separate it from emotions. I know, that’s not a cool or trendy thing to say, but it’s a really emotional thing for me; that’s just how I am.

So, that’s where I am. It’s not some great tragedy for the ages, but that experience was enough to really impact me at the time. Sometimes I still feel really broken, you know? I’m moody and distant. I have a hard time getting close to people and opening myself up like that. It really scares me. But despite that I have something really good going with this girl. She’s so special to me, and I don’t want to fuck it up. I want to make it work!

And to be honest, I get it. People do things. People have sex. I’m fine with it. I’m not nearly as idealistic as I used to be. Sex just means a lot to me, and I can’t bring myself to do it casually.  I want to have something special, and know that it means the as much to my GF that it does to me.

Normally we can talk about this kind of stuff. Relationship wise, she’s much less experienced than I am. She’s only had one boyfriend; and then this hookup over the summer, which she kinda described as a “bad experience”. That’s it. I’ve dated a lot more people than she has, made out with more people, lived with more people, etc and I know she gets kinda insecure over that.

We haven’t had sex yet either. Due to our pasts, we’re both a little apprehensive to rush into that. I know she regrets what happened before, and that honestly does make it a little easier for me. And for what it’s worth, I forgive her too. I just don’t know why she brought up this hookup thing. I’m sure she didn’t do it to hurt me, but it’s just making me feel worried and insecure.  

It’s such a stupid little thing too. I love her more than this bothers me. I haven’t even thought about this for so long, but now it’s coming back. I hate that this is still an issue. I wish I could listen her talk about her past without getting insecure. I know she regrets things and is opening up to me, I should be there to support her. I don’t want to make her feel like shit. I’m tired of old shit getting in the way of new relationships. I love my girlfriend so much, and wish I could just get over this dumb shit. I’m so scared. Despite all of my progress I’m still that same sad 17 year old kid with a broken heart. I feel like such an idiot for this still being a problem. I feel so broken right now!

So there it is. I’m going to cut it off there. That turned out to be a lot longer of a rant than I meant for it to be, but thanks for reading it all if you made it this far. I’d really appreciate any input anyone has or just having someone to talk to. Thanks for letting me vent.

**TL;DR** My girlfriend In high school cheated on me, and it’s causing me to feel insecure in my current relationship. How do I deal with it? Should I talk to my girlfriend about it, or deal with it on my own?