I'm a 24M, I've been struggling with depression for about 13 years now. Each year just get worse. My main issue was feeling insecure and I was shy. I eventually got a makeover, I started dressing better, I started being social and funny. 

I've only had one job which I left already and I got very attached to these people more than the close friends I've had. I was with them for 40 hours a week and the relationship with my actual friends was always online. I had never ever been close to people like them. Now that I'm not there anymore I feel alone and lost. 

Last year I went into a drug psychosis and it's been almost 9 months and I still don't feel well. I honestly don't know what's wrong with me anymore. The old me is dead. I'm so numb, I have no emotions, I'm tired, I'm fed up.

I've never had a partner, I've never been loved and I'm just tired. My issues have become my personality now and I fucking hate it. I'm spaced out 24/7 now and I just want it to end. It feels like life is against everything I do. I'm so alone and I think about suicide all the time. 

No one has to reply I just wanted to vent.