There are a few things but these are the easiest to put into words. 

I have a love hate relationship with sleep. I don’t like to sleep at night, I like to put it off. It’s just so peaceful at night and there’s no responsibility’s and my parents aren’t going to walk in and ask me to do something. But then when I do go to sleep I end up getting 9 hours which means I sleep into the afternoon most times. Then when I’m up I just don’t have the motivation to do anything. I want to paint but I’m just not feeling creative. I want read but I don’t have the energy to absorb the words. 

On school days I usually end up taking a nap and then my mom gets mad at me. I don’t want to take a nap but I’m just so drained after school. When I wake up from my nap I wan’t to be productive and get things done and not waste time but I also just want to go back to sleep. Then my mom usually comes into my room and tells me to get up and I sometimes get in trouble for taking a nap or I’ll get in trouble if I go back to sleep. 

If I didn’t have a 504 I would probably be failing school but because of it I’m able to keep straight A’s. Only half the time I get my homework in at the time it’s due for the rest of the class and usually end up doing it in home room. 

I have mental breakdowns occasionally where I’ll just break down in tears and think of all the worst things. I think about what it would be like if I just wasn’t here anymore, or if I was never born, or if I was to just kinda… 

Then I feel bad and become even more upset.