My expectations of who I should be was driving me to the ground.  I’ve been single and never had a reliable person who cares.  It was always ‘what image am I putting out, and how am I deviating from perfection’.  It was never that I was good enough as is.  It’s always that I needed to be the 6’, built, charismatic, not nerdy, manly, and everything typical man thing.  Otherwise, I look like a scared child that will never be good enough for the women I idealize.  I’m trying to put my image and happiness into my own hands, but seeing other dude have success with women fucking kills me.  

I idealize a girl, and separate myself when I create my own scenarios of how I’ll be abandoned.  Then I get mad that the connection dies even though I scared myself away from it.  I want to reach out and become my own confidence, but I take everything too serious and it’s killing me inside.  I just want it to go the fuck away

I also get mad because I get anxious in party situations and I close down even though I should be socializing.  I broke up with my girlfriend because I was making so many problems because of this and I wanted her to be happy.  

Anyone else felt the same?