After a beautiful weekend with my FP I spent Monday and most of Tuesday at a steady level of stability. Of course I started telling myself that I'm making it all up today (end of Tuesday in the UK) and started self-harming and indulging in some serious suicidal ideation to make myself feel again. How can I ever be happy when I know how to be, but always feel the urge to do stuff which makes sure I never will? If it wasn't for the person I love I would have killed myself by now.