I can't sleep at night because my heart begins to beat really hard and fast, and I'm thinking and going over loads of stuff in my head.

The past 5 years have been stressful. I think it all started at my previous job. There was a lot of pressure on me and nobody else for the success of a client's account and I was taking crap for it on a daily nmbasis basis. I was coming home from work and was probably consumed so much by the stress, I wasn't really paying much attention to my wife and kid. However, as the sole provider for our family, it was important that I solved the problem at work, as people kept being made redundant. To add to this, we were just about to buy our first house and and my daughter was just about to be born. I began to drink strong IPA beers every night to block out my feelings and began a cycle of waking feeling like crap, every day.

Fast forward a few months, we moved into our first house and our finances were being stretched to say the least. I had to borrow the money for our firs mortgage payment from my parents, which me. Feel guilty. I was still drinking every night but while this had been going on, I'd been interviewing for a job overseas. I told my wife and she wasn't keen on the idea but I knew this job could be life changing. I fact my wife was quite negative about the whole thing. Fast forward again a month or two and I'd done the last stage of the interview process and the company had me an offer. The salary was 6 figures and we came the an agreement that we'd all move overseas and start a new life.

The week before moving abroad, I found out my friend had cancer and she wouldn't make it. She died a week after we'd got there.

My son began school. A school which was in a different language. He felt isolated and struggled to make friends. I felt so guilty. At work, my new boss openly made fun of my accent and other things behind my back. She belittled me in front of everyone else and obsessively micromanaged me to the point where my head was so messed up, I just couldn't perform at work. I had noone to turn to. My wife was lonely in a foreign country, my son was depressed at school and my daughter was still a toddler, who only went to daycare once a week because of the child care costs.

6 months into my job, the company announced redundancies. My job was cancelled and I was told I could take another job back home and relocate yet again, two years after. My son had been getting used to speaking a different language. During this period, my work colleague passed away during the Covid lockdowns, when we were all then working from home. By this stage, I was drinking anything between 2 to 4 bottles of wine a night and staying up until 3am and passing out. 

Eventually we moved back home, I began my job in the city, we found a new home and my kids were happy at school. My wife found a job and made some friends. 

A few months in, I was made redundant. In a way it was kind of a relief. I now don't have a job. I have the worries of being able to support my family but I have managed to stop drinking and have continued to stay sober for 2 weeks. I'm eating a lot healthier and working out regular. I'm studying, passing exams and quite often feel optimistic about a future career that I might actually like. Despite this, I seem to have panic attacks or bouts of intense anxiety that I can't control. Some nights, I don't sleep at all. Years ago, I tried ant anxiety medication but they screwed my head up and made me act out of character. 

I just want to get control of my life, my anxiety and get a good night's sleep. What can I do?