22(f). Feeling a little disheartened today. I've been waiting weeks to get an appointment with at a mental health hospital after having to jump through hoops to get a referral for the place. 


I was led to believe the appointment would be an hour long or so, and I should come early to do paper work. I was really nervous and ended up there really early and I tried to take time doing the paperwork.


The paperwork was really stupid. They were little quizzes and I tried my BEST to answer them honestly, but they were such 'certain' answers like yes and no. Most of them I wanted to write MAYBE, or SOMETIMES IF... but of course there are little to no detail so I struggled. That was depressing right off the bat....


My appointment started late. I didn't really mind, then came the awkward 'hi were having two student interns sit in on your session.' I was already sweating bullets but this made it worse. The psychiatrist looked 25, was wearing torn up converse sneakers and jeans. The room I was brought to was filled with stacks of paperwork like it was just a supply closet for some extra folders.


He asked me a few questions. Its a bit hazy now because I sort of 'detach' when I'm anxious. we sat for maybe 10-15 minutes that was it, then he asked me if I had any questions. I told him I was confused and that I thought it was going to be an hours 'diagnosing session' and he said only if there is more to go over but the 'tests' said enough.  He said that I certainly had an Anxiety disorder, that I ranked very high on that and that I most likely or most certainly had a personality disorder which is something I had already suspected of course. I asked him about BPD, because so far I've identified with that the most and he said Its very likely I'm correct.


He told me to attend some free group anxiety seminars which I will have to skip work to go to one day for 10 weeks. Once I do that he said if I felt I still had problems that he'd prescribe me anti anxiety medication (I think Zoloft?) and different one.

When I asked him about a certain 'diagnoses' he said that a 'real' diagnoses takes 3 days and costs 5000 dollars, something they can't afford...


That was it. I guess it was sort of the answer I was looking for but I feel weirdly cheapened and depressed about it. Like its still uncertain and now I find myself questioning whether I filled out the questionnaire correctly, said things right.


I just thought it would be different but, now I feel worse. Like I'm some kind of fraud. I also don't know what I'll tell my work about having to go to these things for ten weeks.... 


Sorry, and thanks to anyone that's listening / reading...