Hey guys, its been really shit two weeks for me, and every day was painfull. You know the days when you are just so tired of having all of the emotions in check, and you just let it out and then you are fucked for a bit? That phase.

I know weed is bad for you, as it can develop a psychosis, but I am smoking it anyway since it makes me as numb as some pills that a doctor prescribed me, only he gave me only 4 pills and told me to get a psychiatrist, but I haven't been there yet since I don't have the motivation to get in contact with anyone, so I leave a couple of the pills for the worst times and cope with alcohol and weed. 

My thought is, should I or should I not drink the mead I have sitting on my night table as I took a couple of swings yesterday or what? 

I am kinda lost to what I wanted to say if I wanted to say anything at all, and I am just drifting right now. No goal, nothing I want to do, but plenty I have to do, which keeps getting me spiraling deeper and deeper