Is this crazy?


To my best friend,

You mean the world to me. When your around my world feels less dark. I couldn't possibly imagine my life without you. I love you like a blood sister and more. You are a best friend+ 

I look up to you. I want to be just like you. You are SO smart and beautiful and kind.  You are also so strong. To me you are perfect. You are everything I want to be and more. So I push myself to compete. Move forward. I don't want to fall to far behind you. Is it endearing or crazy? I don’t know anymore.

This all comes with a darkness. I'm emotionally attached to you. If your not around I feel empty. When you started to see your other friends more. I felt.. I feel jealous. Envy. Hate. 

"How dare they take my friend away from me! Why am I left all alone. Does she not like me anymore, what if she likes them more. What if she forgets about me?" These thoughts flood my head rapidly. So I wait. I cry. Hoping to talk to you once more. Hoping you don't forget about me. 

To me this is all normal. I don't know any other way to be. Having multiple friends doesn't sound appealing to me. I just don't understand.. I don't want any other friend. I don't want to be alone. I don't want to be crazy and unbearable. I don't know what to do. 

Every single day I feel more and more distanced. Where before it was only a thousand miles that seperatred us. Now it feels like you live on another planet. And I feel isolated. I feel like I'm in complete absolute darkness. If I could only make.up.the light-years. If I could only go back. If I could only control my mind.

No matter what you'll always be important to me. And honestly I don't think I'll ever find someone to replace you.. I don't want to. 

I'm sorry for all the pain I may have caused. I'm sorry that I don't ask you how your doing enough I just have these explosions of feelings and things I want to tell you and fit it all in between these tiny pockets of time that I get to talk to you. I try and have all these conversations with you in my head. But sometimes they never leave the queue.

I'm scared. I don't know what's happening to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. All I know is I want so badly to escape. At this point even if I see a psychologist or therapist what would they be able to fix. I'm sad cause I don't have anyone anymore. I'm scared that it will always be this way. 

Please I beg of you to understand how I feel. I apologise. I want to be better. May I please have a chance.


With love, 

Your friend Jennifer.

 