cw for substance abuse and self harm mentions, but nothing graphic.

i am in bpd recovery and have been on and off since september of last year. it’s been months of relapses and intense therapy sessions, but i’ve been working on the symptoms of bpd that are hardest on those around me more than i ever have in my entire life. 

a little over a month ago me and my long term boyfriend/fp broke up because he felt like i wasn’t making enough progress and my bpd symptoms were becoming too overwhelming as he also struggles with mental health issues. 

i’m 4 weeks sober from alcohol tomorrow and 5 weeks clean from self harm, and him and i have been talking as friends, but it just seems like every day is harder than the last. i feel like if i don’t have him in my life i’ll never be complete or make progress, and another relapse is inevitable if he doesn’t take me back, but i don’t want him to feel like he’s being kept hostage because i need him so bad.

is there a way for me to communicate this without just showing the bpd symptoms that made him break up with me in the first place? am i getting my hopes up thinking it would be better for me to begin with?