on top of all of what life has to offer, i’m transgender.
what sort of cruel punishment is this?
what did i do?
i’ve known since i was 11 years old, and it’s done nothing but made my life hell.
i can’t do anything anymore.
i have to shower with the lights off so i don’t look at myself, every day it gets worse and worse, i feel like i want to rip my skin off, and i can’t talk to anyone about it.
no one understands it, i don’t even know how to put into words the mental agony i’m feeling every fucking day, i’d give anything to be normal, and just feel okay for once.
everything i do is incorrect, and people think this is a choice?
i just want to be like everyone else, what is it that i did to deserve this? 
i’m so sick of crying and headaches, i’m so tired of crushing my chest with anything i can so i look just a little bit like i was supposed to, i’m sick of my ribs aching, there’s nothing i can do.

i live with my grandparents who are jehovah witnesses.
they’d probably send me away somewhere, but at this point i think that would be better than this, please fix me, i’d do fucking anything to feel better than this.
no matter how many marks i make on myself, this feeling doesn’t leave.
it’s no wonder trans people don’t live very long.
i can’t tell anyone, and i feel nothing but pain every day, i’m exhausted. i just want one day where i feel alright, that’s it.
i see so many other trans-people say they’re proud to be who they are, i’m anything but that. 
my whole life i’ve been told how wrong people just like me are, and i know that now. 
is there is a god, they are cruel.
i just want my brain to sleep.