I’ve been hospitalized so many times in the last, I don’t know, maybe 6 months that I know who will be on the floor (at least at the mental health urgent care) at any time I go in. My bipolar disorder and PTSD have amped up their symptoms to new extremes.

Let me break it down for you:
Six months ago, I was running a kitchen 4 nights a week on the busiest nights plus bar backing two nights a week at a bar. In November, I was raped and almost killed after a manic decision. Everything went downhill from there. I eventually had a nervous breakdown at work and was put on leave and then cut down to 6 hours a week which I refused and was thus let go. I went back to school during this time and have been training my service dog in training, Odin, mostly by myself with some advice from the company I’ve been working with since I got him. And he is the light of my life, for the most part, but he’s still a puppy and he has some bad habits I’m still trying to break, but we are getting there. I digress. 

The real problem is that my spring break starts on Monday and I thought I could take this time to do a two week program where I get hospitalized and get my meds regulated and maybe I wouldn’t feel so terrible anymore because of how badly my symptoms have escalated (from losing my job to making terrible decisions, especially in regards to money to simply being just god awfully depressed all the god damn time). But, I would have to take one week off of school (which my disability counselor already said she would coordinate with my professor to see how that would affect me), I wouldn’t be able to bring Odin. Partly due to the fact that he’s not ready (even though he knows tasks to mitigate my disability already and would be protected, inpatient establishments can and do refuse service dogs if they
Think it’ll interfere with treatment) and partly due to the fact that I already tested him in a mental health urgent care where he seemed to get a little anxious when I tried to relax, but still listened to commands well. The *other* thing is that I have three interviews lined up at places this coming week and I desperately need to find a job.

I need to find a job because I don’t know how to go about applying for unemployment or disability in California. Nobody is helping me and there’s so many different websites with different things. But, the idea of having to go back to work in a kitchen making $12-13/hour makes me want to die. I know I would feel like less of a loser if I had a job again, but I just do not want to work in a kitchen or retail again and no other industries I’ve looked at have given me an interview or have flat out rejected me. 

To top it off, I had an emergency come up on Thursday when I was supposed to take my exam that I had already rescheduled once from a hospitalization and I don’t want to put it off again due to another one, but I don’t know when I’ll get another opportunity to do this. I feel so lost and defeated.

Just looking for opinions.

I have an appt with a new therapist on the 10th and see my shitty psychiatrist on the 13th. 