I keep having this memory pop into my head everytime I get into a heated argument or I lose someone. I go back to when I was 10 years old and my grandpa was in the hospital, I got the news he had passed away and I cried my little heart out. On the day of his wake I refused to leave the side of his casket and would scream if anyone would try to move me, at the end of the wake my parents ripping me up away from him... Away from my best friend. The next day at the funeral I sat the closest and when they went to wheel off the casket to the car I cried so hard. Screaming out loud "don't leave me here" "don't leave me" "don't go" "I need you" "please" people holding me back and me trying to catch up to the moving vehicle. It's been almost 9 years now since that happened and I can't let him go... Everytime I lose someone or I fight with my significant other I think of this and how I desperately don't want them to go. I am terrified of being left by the ones I love. Terrified of never getting a chance to say goodbye to loved ones before they pass on. If I lose anybody else I don't think I'll manage to pull through again. I'm weak and insignificant