F here, I'm bi, I was hurt really really badly (my partner M left me for another, we've been together for a year and a half and planned to get married) a month and a half ago. I've closed down from a lot of genuine feelings, heavily, I don't want new people in my life. now I'm having really weird feelings for my best friend F. we've been best friends for 14 years and I started getting slight urges to kiss her, ask how would she react if I liked her and lowkey started thinking about how relationship with her would look like. I'm hella comfortable around her but also get really nervous really fast if it involves  anything more touchy or soft and I don't experience that kinda nervousness around other friends. I wonder if my feelings are really genuine or is it my BPD ass needing affection and closer after a breakup and messing with my head and feelings. I don't want to ruin the best friendship I have because my disorder messed with my emotions