Like, "get help now" depressed.

My memory is awful, but it started at 16 and it got worse As my life got shittier. Clearly I have good days, but those moods are labile  and they've never lasted.

But here's my eureka moment: I haven't felt joy or motivation in anything. I only felt anxiety as a fuel and anxiety as a hurdle. Never accomplishment. And this only really started since after the incident. I think I'm lazy, but my work ethic is actually amazing for someone who has wanted to do nothing. I have been forcing myself to do everything in my life. Not to feel good, but to not NOT feel bad. As I challenged all the anxiousness

But what if I'm full of shit?

Well, ill find out. Two days left til I get to see a new therapist, one who's apparently worked exclusively with clients with PTSD (i've been diagnosed by a counselor, though not officially and I want that to stay that way.).