As guilty as I feel I also feel proud. Even after crying and almost having a panic attack I feel proud. I just felt the need to share this with others who can understand

I became friends with an ex (normally an awful idea but it was going well) until he wanted more. He was very pushy and kept saying "please. I miss it. I miss you." And then he got passive aggressive about my no. Even saying things like "I dont want to accept it." And as guilty as I felt turning him down I did it. I didn't let someone manipulate me into saying yes. I didnt let the guilt and the fear of someone potentially leaving me overcome me. I stood my ground. And as shitty as I feel I also feel so proud. 

Normally I'd let people walk all over me of it meant they'll stay. I'll let them treat me like shit if it means they'll keep talking to me. And I didnt let him do that. As much as it hurt it felt good afterwards.

If I can do it you can too! You dont need to accept people who push you around and try to guilt you into things. If you aren't comfortable with something it's okay to say no. Dont let the fear of abandonment win. You CAN win. As awful and scary as it feels in the moment it is worth it