I’m contemplating suicide when my children go to be with their father during the holiday. I know they will be heartbroken, but I’ve been through hell and back and I feel there is no recovering from what I feel on a daily basis. I feel like suicide is something I will end up doing one day anyway. Why not get it over with? I dread leaving my children, but nothing can help me. All I can do is hope I don’t go to hell. I feel so lost. The thought of death terrifies me, but I want to do it on my accord.