I think it's time for me to be open and honest. Something I actually can't do and struggle with quite a bit. 

Although I've never been anxious, except for a few nervous days before a test, I've really been struggling with this a lot since a year ago. I also don't know if it's depression if anxiety if both.

It comes from me 100% definitely from my work. I am always afraid of making mistakes, disappointing people and I always want to do right by everyone. I think that is the biggest problem. My work is also pretty stressful and I often take it home with me.

Being open and talking to someone is not something I can do. I don't dare go to my parents with my problems because I'm afraid they'll think I'm weak. To my girlfriend I don't dare to say it, who knows she thinks I'm a wimp. I don't want to go to a doctor. Respect for everyone who does, but I'm afraid I'll end up in a trajectory that I can't get out of. I absolutely do not take medication. I'm terrified of becoming addicted to them.

I have days when I feel great, but I also have days when I'm very deep. I just need someone who is also experiencing this and can explain how they handled it. 

It's annoying and I'm fighting it hard. I notice that I sleep very poorly, have a lot of bad dreams and sometimes react very nastily to friends and family.

It's not worth it to me. I don't want to hurt anyone and I want to be able to live my life again....