Hi!
I am new to this community. After reading a few posts I saw a lot of similarities in my behaviors. I am not diagnosed with BPD. 

Over the weekend I went to a small gathering with friends and my boyfriend. We were playing a game and I inadvertently leaked his deepest darkest secret. It was a never have I ever game/musical chairs. I got caught in the middle and when you are you have to tell a story. I will not be sharing what it was on this post.

As soon as I got up I knew I messed up. I think that's why I ended up stuck in the middle; was hesitating. My plan was to not say anything or make something up but he ended up raising his hand, making it known that I did this act with him. I misread the situation. I thought he was okay with it coming out but he explained later, in rage, that he felt stuck. Everyone was saying his name so he just raised his hand. I am not blaming him at all. I wish I would've asked him if he was okay after but I didn't think about it at the time. I feel like complete shit and like I just keep ruining my relationship. 

Background: we just got back together in August after I broke up with him in April. He said a few words to me that made me feel like my world was falling apart. I have always feared he'd leave me and I ended up doing it before he could ever. He already doesnt trust me completely because of this and the stuff I did during that broken up period.

He's been slowly moving into my apartment. This happened on Saturday night. We slept on opposite sides of the bed (our faces at each others feet). He left early Sunday morning to spend time with his daughter and came back &amp; slept on the carpet. He just left this morning, to work I'm guessing. All his stuff is still here. 

I am a little hopeless right now and upset that I keep doing things to sabotage our happiness. Things had been going so well. I want to spend the rest of my life with this man. I promised myself that I would make the most out of this second chance and this was the opposite. I already am having trouble forgiving myself for what I've done this year and now this. I don't know what got into me. I am so good at keeping things secret; I pride myself in that. 

I guess what I want is advice and would like to know if anyone here has been through this. I don't expect anyone to feel bad for me at all. Thanks.