I'm a full time college kid living in a remote place. My university does have counselors, and I have been to three of them. Two I had awful experiences with, the other was an intern that is no longer there. As far as I know, nobody within a couple hours radius of where I live is able to help. With covid, things are probably a lot harder as well. 

I have had a pretty hectic life up until a few years ago, when I realized much of the behavior I have picked up has been aggressive, self-defensive, or oftentimes, completely unpredictable. I've begun to realize that the root of a lot of my problems is the way that I'm feeling being negatively projected onto everything else. I try to do good, but I'm oftentimes chaotic and aggressive towards myself and others without realizing until the deed has been done, and the negative feelings get projected. It's a cycle. I feel like I can't make anyone happy, not even myself, no matter what I do. I ask this here because much of what I'm seeing in BPD subs aligns alarmingly well with some of my behavior, though I have not had the resources to get a diagnosis, nor am I self diagnosing. I'm just concerned. 

Whether it's words of wisdom or cheap/free resources that can help, anything you've got is appreciated. Sorry this has turned into a bit of a vent. It's one of those nights.