I’m mentally and physically disabled. I can do some physical things but not for long periods of time. 

Over the years I’ve tried to hold jobs and find a purpose. During this time I was not able to keep any of these jobs because of my mental and physical condition. I’ve filled SSDI SSI and I’m in my reconsideration phase (my case has been going on for about two years) I keep getting denied because of my age.

My biggest struggle daily is finding some sort of purpose or something to do. I have the same routine everyday. I feel like a useless human because I don’t have a job and I don’t contribute to society in any way.

I can’t volunteer because of social issues and I’ve tried finding hobbies like meditation and yoga. I actually got my yoga teaching certification years ago but I can’t successfully teach a class because of my mental and physical condition. I’ve told myself I can do anything, have a positive attitude but continue to fail repeatedly for basically 15 years. Now I’m 30.

I find social situations to be extremely difficult because when people ask me what I do I have nothing to say. I don’t do anything except try to take care of myself.  I don’t have a job, I’m not married nor do I have kids.

I am a vegetarian, I walk 5 miles a day or bike 14 miles a day and I do yoga and meditate daily. I go to therapy once a week and I see a psychiatrist once every five weeks. I occasionally have a glass of wine and/or a cigarette, I have a medical marijuana card for chronic pain &amp; ptsd. In my spare time I listen to self help podcasts and do CBT worksheets. I have a service dog. I’m trying to do everything I can to better myself. Once in a while I try to reach out to a friend or two to be social but most of the time no-one replies. I have been in way worse condition and don’t want to get back there so I go through the motions everyday of doing these things for myself even if I don’t feel like it.

I feel like I’m doing everything right but I have no reason to wake up everyday. I don’t have anything I need to do. Sometimes taking care of just these things can overwhelm me. I can’t keep any relationships I try to be in because of my issues either. I often feel judged and lonely. When I had a job I had a better outlook because I was able to support myself and felt like going to work everyday was accomplishing something. I don’t feel like I accomplish anything anymore and this has made me extremely depressed.

Due to my financial situation I had to move back in with my parents. 

How do I dig myself out of this hole? Is it possible to find a purpose even when you can’t have a job or career? I’m exhausted from trying and failing so many times. Has anyone been in a similar situation and gotten better?