I am unemployed, introverted with specific anxiety and I think avoiding social contact to the extent that I have (aggregate 4 months total that I've left my home since COVID). I think I made my my mild anxiety worse.worse, I wasn't going anywhere but I walked out my home today the front gate and my heartrate exelerated until I got back in and I just felt really tired. I don't have suicidal idiation as frequently these days but I feel really hollow and tired. I used to be really smart academically but I feel like I'm so stupid and my self worth is abismal. I don't want to be here anymore I'm so tired. I was never very outgoing or had many if any hobbies but now I have nothing. I'm thankful at least that my parents won't kick me out but if they did that's it for me period. I have no dreams, I'm not resilient, I'm not good at anything, I just hate myself for being such a fucking loser. I get it that everyone goes through something like this but that doesn't help me because everyone else seems to be able to get over it but I can't. And it's all my fault.