I have done a post 5 months ago on another r/ about how I was fucking up the relationship I had with my current situationship, and it finally ended on last Sunday after we met one last time. He blocked me on everywhere and I feel so empty. We used to talk everyday for hours, I truly loved him and he knew everything of me. I can read again sweet messages he sent me at the beginning of our relationship and I don’t know why my brain didn’t allow me to believe in it because it could have saved it all. 
I am just here hanging with all the pain I have in my brain. I fucked it up, I fucked up the thing I cherished the most and that I wanted the most to work. I really did my best, I see a psychiatrist (I am under lamotrigine 50mg) and a psychologist fucking twice a week and I did progress but it wasn’t enough for him. He still abandoned me. 
No physical pain is equal to the mental pain I am experiencing. And it never been that hard in my life even compared to other break up. Because it was the first time I had a such connection with someone.

I don’t know what to do. He said he doesn’t fucking care ab all this anymore. He seems to have great time and I’m here reading to fuck myself just to release all the pain I’m suffering now. 

I wish he could understand that…