Hello everyone,
I feel terrible right now, as I stuggle a lot communicating with my bf who has BPD and have worries about the future. To draw you a picture, although we are nevermets, we are very close to meeting. (He's coming to me in two months) We've known each other online since 3 years and been together around 2. We talk everyday (usually many hours), play games, do video calls, share photos. But just when we were getting close to meet face to face, his situation seems to have gotten worse, he has moodswings a lot, some days he just doesn't want to talk or when he does, he is in a very unhappy state where he does't even move his mouth much. (Like an unwilling way of talk) Yet, when I try to step away or try to give him space, he blames me for not calling or forcing a call on him. He claims even he feels awful talking to me makes him feel better. Today was one of those days, where I called him while we were playing a game, stayed on the phone for longer, but he went back to gaming alone, again unhappy. He wasn't open to talk about feelings at all today. 
I have this feeling now I am hesitant I actually want to meet him, cause it's a constant efford for me to keep things normal between us. He gets worse when I work a lot and he is all by himself. I have this feeling he needs me to feel OK and it makes me feel pressured and I feel like I walk on eggshells on the time cause he can be so easy to be triggered and get angry on the phone and start shouting. When he is angry, he can say things like: "I want to kill someone right now" which makes me question if it's just an expression or he tends to harm people. He swears at his friends, says nobody cares and he's all alone. I courage him to get help, to actually go to a pscyhiatrist to get therapy and pills, yet he says they are unable to help, they just give him 5 minutes on the phone. (UK) He is currently on benefits, so he can't afford private therapy. I offered him to get it here when he comes and he declined it, too. He said they couldn't possibly prescribe him here. Seeing he can not get any professional help, makes me feel hopeless, that he'll never have it under control.
I am someone who ended an emotionally abusive relationship 3 years ago and it took a big toll on me. I have done a lot of healing ever since but now I am aftaid of my well being, since BPD is a serious issue and although he is not directly abusive to me his mental state sometimes effects my mental health, also my job in a bad way. I suspect he might be abusive in future and I have stopped feeling happy or excited for our meeting. 
I wanted to know your opinion on this, since many of you have either BPD or understand it well.
Sorry it took this long to explain and tank you for your time.