We've been NC for almost 2 months now and I know that the last thing I need to do is try and get back with her or in a relationship. Honesty I did a lot of shitty things to her, I never really knew why I treated her the way I did until I recently went to see a dr and she mentioned BPD to me. I've researched a lot since then and I am listening to Stop Walking on Eggshells as the dr recommended it to me. I also plan to listen to "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" once I am done with this book.

Currently I am waiting for my referral to go through to see a qualified psychiatrist regarding possible PTSD, Depression and BPD. I obviously don't want to tell her I have something im not 100%, but everything matches up with my personality as far as BPD goes. I mostly want her to know that I didn't do the things that I did when i was thinking rationally, but I do realize that BPD shouldn't be used as a crutch and I still take full responsibility for my actions.

Any advice would be much appreciated.