I haven't opened up to anybody about this, not family, friends, nor the university itself. I am a final year Bsc Psychology student, nearing completion of my course this summer, and I know that I've completely botched it. 

I started in 2018, and my first year wasn't a total disaster, but it was definitely rocky. I made friends, enjoyed my experience for the most part, but got into serious financial struggles and had issues with accomodation which really distracted me from learning effectively. First year grades didn't count toward the overall degree, but even so I know I should have done far better that year. I passed though which is what ultimately matters.

Second year (2019/20). Here's where it starts to go downhill. I started decently, was attending lectures and being very active in my learning until January. Covid lockdown may have started in March, but in January my university decided to cease teaching and events on campus and switched to online. Most of my friends left uni to distance learn. I remained in my university city with one friend, who I would meet regularly for walk and talks when lockdown begun, until he decided to also go home and suspend his studies. I spent most of 2020 in total isolation, sitting alone in my room losing my mind. Add to that my ongoing financial issues, losing my part-time job due to covid, and an online romance turned heartbreak, and I went absolutely AWOL from March 2020. I didn't attend online lectures, barely left my room other than to go shopping, and took up drinking alone to ease the boredom and depression. My mind was a mess, I was extremely depressed and I ended up failing my second year.

And so in September 2020 I retook year 2. By now I was feeling somewhat better, wasn't drinking anymore, was undergoing therapy and on an antidepressant. Teaching for the entire duration of the year was online, and I was still very isolated. It was extremely difficult to maintain my motivation and focus throughout the year. My sleep schedule was a mess, being pretty much nocturnal, and I generally found myself extremely disengaged from my course. My university experience was in esscence sitting alone in my room looking at slides on blackboard and writing essays. No friends, no campus, nothing. I was also gaming a lot which only distracted me more. I found myself submitting assignments either half assed or late. I completed the year but my grades were underwhelming.

And now here I am, April 2022, in the final stages of my third year. Not much has changed. In person teaching has gradually returned but it hasn't made much difference. I'm now living over an hour away from campus and feel isolated in my course, not knowing anybody. The social isolation from the past 2 years has had it's effect on me, in that I don't like being in crowded places surrounded by people, and I haven't attended many lectures. I do have a wonderful girlfriend now, and am generally better mentally, but I have felt so disengaged from my course over the past 2 years that the motivation is just dead and buried. I've completed my assignments to an adequate standard only, but my final year project has been a disaster. It's due next month and I've barely started it. I've ignored emails from my academic advisor and project supervisor. I just feel like a zombie and a shadow of my old self, I'm ashamed of my academic performance and hide away, I don't feel worthy of my degree and feel like a burden to them. 

I'm really trying to motivate myself to at least finish my final assignments, but I feel like I've just completely failed university even if I pass my degree. When I started, I loved studying and learning psychology, I was excited and intent on being the disciplined, engaged student that I had been in college, attaining at least a 2:1 and possibly studying a post-grad. It's been the opposite of that, and I look back on my university experience with regret and resentment. It's been awful, and whether due to circumstances beyond my control or my own failures, I've let myself down. I've had some great marks on certain assignments, but most have been underwhelming and marked down due to late submission. I'll be lucky to scrape a 2:2 at this point. I wish I had a way of turning back the calendar to September 2018 and trying again from scratch. I'm extremely anxious and pessimistic about my future.

This has been an essay, I know. But I wonder how many other students relate to my experience, and if there is any helpful advice that could at least help me complete the year and ensure that the past 4 years haven't been completely wasted by at least passing my degree. Thanks for reading folks :)