I’m just so done, so fucking exhausted.
I nearly killed myself two days ago, because it was all to much. I send a final text to my fp. She was panicking and tried to reach me, but I didn‘t answer.
After I didn’t do it, I just just lying in bed crying and after I calmed myself for a while, I called her back. She was really anxious due to me…I hate myself.
Anyways we called for a bit, but not long. She was tired af and I was done for the day, so we said we will talk tomorrow, but we didn’t.
Today we atleast chatted for a few messages.
I really fucking miss her. I‘m so tempted to ask her if I can come over tomorrow to cuddle and cry in her arms, but I won‘t do it anyways.
She just came back from a week with the girl she’s dating / staying with her family. She’s also a fellow borderliner so, she doesn’t want to see my atm.
Furthermore we both are writing an exam in uni this monday, so we  both be studying tomorrow. But I didn’t do anything for it until now (due to being fucking exhausted all day), so I will fail anyways.
Today I atleast managed to stay out of bed for 3 hours, before all my power for this was used up…
Atm its 1:30 am, and I‘m writing this shit instead of fucking finally go to sleep.
I‘m so done. I dont want to carry on. Even breathing hurts.