healing is not linear, i recognize that, but i feel awful whenever i regress a bit because i don't want my loved ones to think im not okay or severely mentally ill to the point where all they associate me with is my mental illness. 

its gotten to the point where having a good day feels weird. it feels weird to my partner too, because im just so anxious so often. 

i never want to be dishonest with how i feel, but i do feel reluctant to open up about my anxiety because i do not want to be defined by my anxiety, i dont want it to be all i talk about. 

i just feel like i need to scream it out of my system. i just want to vent it out. im so anxious, it feels like its wrecking my brain, i hate it i hate it i hate it!!!!!!!!