I'm (34M) just tired. Tired all the time. The only other feeling I can really identify is hollowness. A shell of the person I was and that was a good start to begin with.

I have had depressive episodes on and off since college. Mostly it was low key depression with major depression every couple years. I'm told its called double depression. Add that to my generally anxious nature and my adhd and you have a hell of mix. (One I'm sure is common here)

About 7-8 years ago my industry saw a major decline and I was laid off. I decided to make a change and go back to school for something that interested me since I was a child, law school. It was hard, I wasn't the best. But I did well and my efforts were rewarded. A year into my career and I eventually feel the burnout. (or what I assumed was a burnout) 

I struggled at work, got help and they tried to be supportive, but eventually I was asked to resign due to performance. I spent months unemployed and finally got a new job. It wasn't great but I enjoyed the people. Unfortunately, about 4-5 months in the head honcho died suddenly and well last in first out.

A few more months of unemployment and I get another job. Again not amazing place, but good people. But I just can't do it anymore. I want it to be done, but I don't know what I want to be done. I'm not even sure what, if anything, I enjoy anymore. 

I remember in my old industry, I knew what it meant to go to work and put in the effort. When I was in law school, I knew how to do the same. My first attorney position, I put in the effort, and even when I struggled I could be satisfied with my effort. But for the last two years, nothing. I feel like I don't have the drive anymore. I worry about my job constantly and I feel like even when I'm away it occupies my mind. I can hardly bear the thought of loosing this job but even fear isn't a motivator anymore. I want to do nothing and let the world leave me by.

Friends don't help. Mostly because I have few. I had to move to attend school and made friends there. But about half have moved away and the most of rest seemed to have cut me out since my buddy broke up with his girlfriends in the group. I love my buddy, but we only see each other so often and I feel more and more withdrawn. So now, I'm stressed, anxious, can hardly focus, and am lonely

But mostly, I'm tired. Just tired of it all. I don't know how it can get better. I can't remember when I was last content with myself or my direction that I'm not sure if there ever was such a time. I want nothing more than to curl up in bed and let myself be buried by the world and forgotten.