had wishful thinking, what if we had more money, would I be able to do things I used to enjoy 

 but it hit me that it actually doesn't matter because even if we have more money as a family, we will be saving it up for my brother 

even if I get a therapist, I don't have any interest that I would like to commit to for a lifetime 

everything is just an obligation, studies, job whatever these are all just on the checklist you don't get to choose 

life is an obligation