Hi all,

My life has been going well so far. Although recently, my anxiety has acted up again. I have adhd and am on medication for anxiety. Recently my anxiety has spiraled and this has been the issue that triggered it:

1. I met this guy online. Super nice, sweet very respectful. We talked for 2 weeks online and when I met him, we had a good time. Although he did some things I found a bit off and red flags: we went to a bar, he drank excessively, but was telling me he was nervous. We decided to come to my place to hang out after but then he went to the bathroom and I heard snorting. I looked there was white residue. I asked him, he lied about it but then confessed he was so nervous about meeting me and kissing me. Basically he had a very rough pass, went to rehab many times, says he only does drugs sometimes but either way - I didn’t like it. 
He also turned out to have a criminal record and what I found very strange is that he had two cellphones. So clearly this is not good. I was planning on not seeing him again because I was disappointed how he turned out to be nothing like our conversations.

I was sad and disappointed. The following days he apologized to me endlessly saying he knows he screwed up about doing what he did at my place and wanted to see me again. I told myself - I can see him just once again and really decide then that he really isn’t good, I wasn’t planning on seeing him seriously but just to convince myself because otherwise that, he was very sweet. 
We texted here and there throughout the week and had plans to see each other. Night of, he canceled. Obviously another red flag. Then I am really convinced this isn’t good. Although he really wants to see me again. 

2. I made the mistake of telling my parents. My dad was wondering if I’ve been seeing anyone and I told him all about the sketchy behaviour and wasn’t planning on seeing him again, but just talking to him. My parents growing up were extremely worried parents. Good people, mean well, but very very neurotic. My dad freaked out saying it’s dangerous, there can be legal implications, I could be framed, seems like a drug dealer etc etc and then what hurt me the most was that he said how someone like that, do you really think this guy is actually interested in you, in dating you, out of all the people he can date. Basically implying that this guy might have bad intentions towards me and not interested seriously because of his past and behaviour, knowing what he meant that someone like that can’t be truly interested in a serious relationship. But it still hurt me how he phrased that. 

3. All this fear, all this paranoia my parents told me made me feel very anxious just by simply textingthis guy. I started getting extreme anxiety just sending simply text to him and feeling very wrong about conversing with him. I am not dating him and am not planning to, I just wanted to see him again, just once to convince myself fully. All this fear really got to my head, and made me think the worse assumptions. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt - obviously all signs point to bad things and my parents just want me to be cautious but I feel like they over reacted and it really made my anxiety worse. 

4. I know my parents mean well but I regret telling them precisely because of how badly they reacted - my mom asking me if I am losing it by wanting to see this person again. I understand he doesn’t sound like a saint but I do feel like they are over reacting and over protecting.

5. My anxiety got really bad to the point of me having paranoid thoughts of being implicated in something really bad just by texting this guy and seeing him just once again. Obviously nothing bad happened but my mind got the worse of me.

6. I had an emotionally unavailable mom growing up - she never expressed praise of warmth but showed her love in other ways and I feel this contributed to me being codependent. I had many toxic relationships in the past, men who would yoyo with my feelings, mentally Ill partners who would not treat me well, and I made the mistake of continuing and seeing them and giving them a chance. I feel this guy is activating this in me again and my mom is strongly disapproving because of this precisely, everything sounds bad about this guy but for some reason I just want to see him just once to convince myself that it isn’t good.

7. I am torn between wanting to see him again just once but so anxious even if I just see him once about how bad this is. I feel like my parents still try to control me and I made the mistake of opening up about this to them. 

8. I am anxious and confused and not feeling right. I’d just see him once and feel like it’s the end of the world. 

I feel like I know it’s wrong but I am not seeing him seriously or planning on getting married with him. Can someone please offer me some thoughts ?