i feel that what im feeling is like that twitter post meme thing where someone says "mental illness is weird, i can be perfectly fine when going through trauma, but then fall apart when i lose my pen"

i was getting ice out of the tray and thinking about how awful id feel if i didnt refill the ice tray with water afterwards.  im living with my parents (off of their money at 24 years old due to my mental issues and feeling shitty about it everyday, which i think is the underlying source of this feeling), and i just had this overwhelming feeling of guilt that if i didnt refill the tray, my parents would disown me.  i guess its basically fear of abandonment.

even though they might not even notice i didnt refill the tray, or not be bothered by it, id be so paranoid that they are that it makes me different around them. i end up being more rude cuz i figure they already hate me anyways, but its not really a thought, just a feeling of knowing that theyre sick of me even if they arent.

and so i think its the underlying feeling of guilt being a leech thats causing this feeling, but its so out of order that i actually believe theyre going to hate me over not refilling an ice tray.  my rationality knows better, but my emotions are having a breakdown.