I find that since I can’t form connections with people or simply engage with them that I harm myself. It is not a physical harm rather I have been engaging with deviants of the highest perversion. People who are online in dirty chat rooms typing in some of the sickest shit imaginable. The deprivation I currently feel is immense. I want to scrub myself until I bleed. I can’t believe I did it again just to satisfy myself physically. These creatures who call themselves men. Disgusting. I hate them all and I hate myself as well. I need to ground myself. I have to get better I have to grow up.