My boyfriend and I both struggle with severe depression. The winter is coming, which means double the depression for both of us. I have taken a lot of precaution with this because last winter was so miserable for both of us. I got involved with intensive therapy that will go through until March, I adjusted my meds to make sure I’m set, I’ve been getting into a routine. Still feeling empty, but better than wanting to be dead. 

My boyfriend, however, won’t do anything. He’s canceled on his therapist the past three months to the point where I don’t even know if he’s seeing him anymore, and even told me he doesn’t feel like he’s making much progress. (He’s only seen him a few times.) He’s not consistently taking his SSRIs. He’s drinking again. From the moment he gets home from work, he’s either high/drunk or asleep. We don’t really spend quality time together. Chores pile up that I end up having to deal with because he doesn’t have the energy to deal with it. 

I don’t know what to do. I don’t think he realizes it’s putting a massive strain on our relationship. He’s so sensitive that any confrontation ends in him spiraling. I was expected to be held accountable for my mental health. He was the one who told me to get more help or it wouldn’t work out. I don’t feel like it’s fair that I have to make the efforts but he doesn’t. I don’t want to risk my mental health over this but we live together, have pets together, share bills. It’s not as easy as “just break up.” I’ve tried helping him as much as I can as a non-professional. I’ve tried to remind him to take meds, limit the alcohol, hiding the weed, wake him up when he’s sleeping through dinner. He isn’t receptive of it. He gets very upset when I get disapproving of the booze and weed (I’m a recovering addict) and he just doesn’t care when I try to wake him up. He’s completely apathetic at this point. I’m so lost. How do I help him help himself?