Hello everyone, I am utterly lost and sick of how I feel every day.

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I do not know why, but every time I eat, think about eating, or get too full especially I get massive anxiety. I have been underweight my entire life but really haven't cared too much nor have ever felt a sense of body dysmorphia. For the past two years though I have wanted to get into the healthier ranges of the BMI just for personal physique and so I'm just not skin and bones.

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The problem is that whenever I eat food, I get no euphoria or pleasure except from just the taste itself, and when I eat maybe a bit too much everything spirals. Firstly I almost never have the urge to eat which is an issue. And then furthermore when I do eat I feel absolutely sick and get extreme anxiety like I'm going to die. None of this helps with my goals and aspirations and I haven't found anything to help my scenario. It seems to be uncommon and no one knows what to do... I feel like I'm alone. I've ate before and felt amazing, it was weird just like a regular day I made a regular meal and felt really good but yet that almost made me mad in a way. It was like I understood why people like food so much, but that was one day out of years to me not feeling that way.

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Another problem is just eating food to get full is hard in itself because after a few bites it's like the food get's bland and monotonous and after like 10 or so I am almost repulsed by it... its why I think it's a mental thing.

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I don't know how to harbor feelings that eating is good when I just get beyond nauseous even thinking about eating and then just getting nauseous after I eat. I get a fight or flight response effectively and I do not know what to do about it. I'm really writing this hoping someone else shares this problem with me, and if there's anything that helped when trying to overcome it. It's hard for me because I get the same result every time and I just want to feel good after I eat or at a minimum not get extremely paranoid about it...

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For the record my weight is 128 and I'm a 5'10'' male... I hit 135 after going extreme mode and just forcing myself day in day out to gain weight but it just wasn't maintainable. I don't know what to do. In a way I think my stomach controls most if not all of my emotions for some reason which is garbage because its almost always queasy. Diet changes have also not worked for me, I don't know what else I can do.