I just had an explosive argument with my mum and said a lot of really horrible things now she has left and I feel like she's going to crash her car into a tree or something. Why shouldn't I kill myself? I've been so nasty and have many times been very hurtful to my parents so logically why shouldn't I kill myself? I hope I get r*ped, tortured or ab*sed in a domestically abusive relationship so I can get what I deserve for how horrible I've been to my parents. After all the stuff in the media about bpd because of a certain individual who I wont say the name of I'm sure people know who she is, I feel like it would be easier if I killed myself so that my family can be free of my extremely toxic behaviour and also cause I feel like if I were to officially get diagnosed with bpd (I'm over the age of 18) I feel like that would be a death sentence in terms of I would be banned from going to my groups and people would stop being friends with me which I know I deserve but yea