So, I'm currently a sophomore in college, and I'm struggling a lot. Like super super bad. Like, I've suffered from depression, anxiety, and OCD for almost a decade now, but recently, a lot of stuff has been happening and I've hit this really bad low. I don't even know how to describe it or if anyone else has experienced this. But I get into these moods or episodes where I'm so terrified and so depressed that I feel like I have to go to the hospital immediately and never leave. Like I always go straight to sleep because just being awake hurts really bad. It is in part a panic attack, but I've had panic attacks, and this is somehow a billion times worse. I just feel so depressed and hopeless that I cannot possibly see a future where I'm happy. At least, in the past, I'd be depressed but I wouldn't be literally immobile and in literal hell. But I don't know what's wrong with my mind. It feels like whenever I try to think of anything now it goes absolutely haywire. I thought coming home from college for a week would fix everything but it's not really and that terrifies me. The worst it got was when it happened for two days straight and I was unable to function whatsoever and nearly went to the hospital both days.

So yeah, I feel like I'm constantly terrified I'll slip down a slope into this. I just started to feel anxious again and was worried it was coming back, so I'm trying to release my anxieties in art or something I don't know. I'm scared to go back to school, because then I'll be alone again, and I'm terrified that it'll just keep happening and I will continue not being able to live.

I just don't know what to do because it's never been this bad before. I started taking medicine but I'm worried it won't really help since it didn't really help the last time. I'm seeing like a psychiatrist and a therapist and I keep doing walk-ins. I don't know how to get back to normal.

So, I was thinking about taking a leave of absence and I don't know, going into one of those mental health facilities. I don't know if it would help or if it would just make me more blatantly aware of how messed up my head is. I'm scared I'll still be lonely and alone at a facility. I'm scared of taking time off from college because I'm supposed to be getting my undergraduate degree. But honestly, I think I'm just most scared of myself. I'm scared of my head. I don't know how to fix this really.

Any advice is appreciated, especially if you've gone through something similar or have gone to a facility of some kind.