
I am 22F and was recently diagnosed with BPD so I could really use insight from more experienced borderlines. I feel a heavy existential dread that I have been feeling my whole life but got worse with time. I know with BPD emptiness is a common feeling (or lack thereof) but is it usually this bad? I keep trying to fill the void in my life via unhealthy coping mechanisms (shopping, male validation, drinking) but it only helps temporarily until it wears off. For shopping I try spending money on materialistic things and it feels good for a moment but the novelty wears off FAST. Then I try male validation (I crave it a lot but ultimately I would say “sex” would be my addiction here but I’m a virgin cause I’m waiting for a relationship first). I have a high libido so if I do something sexual (or talk about it) with a guy it’s fun in the moment but wears off quick. I have done many questionable things to get male validation which works usually (not always). But after I do that it wears off quick. Then I tried drinking in excess (which if you check my post history you can see how that’s messing me up) and all my drinking does is feel good in the moment but I feel shame afterwards thinking of how I acted and the people I worried in the process. Idk what to do? I rapid cycle through emotions typically so I do feel happy at times but it’s fleeting. None of my “unhealthy” coping mechanisms last and idk this emptiness won’t go away. Help! I’m so lost…

TLDR: Empty due to existential dread despite my “unhealthy” coping mechanisms. Are vices normal for those with BPD due to our impulsivity?