So I'm gonna keep this simple, I have not in my 24 years on this earth seen life improve. Not once. Every time I reach what I'm supposed to, hit a goal, get to where I'm *supposed* to be, it seems almost like the world itself moves the goalpost.

Let me elaborate, I work out 14 hours a week, am in above average shape and look pretty good for a guy my age. Yet I cannot for the life of me find a relationship. Maybe it's the shit hole mega city I live in, where connection is nearly impossible and nobody even tries to socialise. But that's the thing, I've done everything I'm supposed to do and nothing good has come of it. 

I had a really high paying job, making 45k a year at the age of 23, but I wasn't happy being overworked and constantly having literally no time to do anything other than work, sleep, workout and repeat. Again, I did everyrhing in life I was supposed to, ended up somewhere supposedly great, but I was fucking miserable. 

I've quit that job and now freelance, for only the amount of money I need. I've continued my workouts because honestly they sort of keep me sane at this point. 

My issue remains that I did exactly what I was supposed to do and I found no happiness whatsoever. No connection to another human being, no comfort in life. Every time I reached something I thought was a milestone, it turns out nah actually, the milestone is another decade of self inflicted suffering away. 

What the fuck was the point? What's the reason to not just end myself? It doesn't get better. Literally nothing you do to self improve or to reach goals or to achieve "success" matters, because success constantly moves further away. 

I'm tired, I'm alone and I'm fucking done.