Idk where to start. I back slid last night. It was like I was 19 again (I'm 23 currently). It's hard to even type this out and face how I acted last night. But in a big ole BPD nutshell, I got trashed, blubbered on about my ex while at the bar with my friends, just ran away from them on a drunk bitch adventure to confront his ass, and yes leaving my purse and phone with them. And yes I'm in a loving committed relationship currently. And no, I am not still in love with my ex and I'm aware of this. Came home an angry sobbing mess and dropped my boyfriends case of beer on ground and sobbed on the bathroom floor.  I'm so tired of having rose colored glasses for anyone. I'm so tired of being me. I'm so ashamed and disgusted of how I acted last night it honestly makes me want to slit my wrists. Ive worked SO hard to not be that person anymore. I can't stop crying I'm so mad at myself.