Rage episodes to me are one of the worse parts of bpd, if not the worse. 

When I was younger I couldn't understand why I was the way I was. I could be playing with my little cousins and if they did something that I didn't like I would suddenly burst! I knew that once we got home they would tell on me, and since I was the oldest, their mom and my mom would get made at me and punish me. The first couple of times that it happened I would cry, but as I got older I started feeling and uncontrollable amount of anger. I would go in my room and start throwing all my toys around, and scream as loud as I could. That would result in me getting into even more problems..

Ever since then my rage has only gotten worse. Sometimes I don't even realize that I go into it until it's over and I've made a mess.. The worse part of all, is that I push the people I love away. My mother gets so tired of it, she cries all the time because of it, yet she's the only one that's always tried to understand me. Everyone else just leaves.. they think I just like throwing these "tantrums" just to get some attention. While I do seek attention in other forms, my rage isn't one of them. 

It's embarrassing to see people's faces when I can't stop screaming at them, or when I can't stop crying.. worse part of it all is that sometimes it's not even a reason for me to act that way. 

If anyone knows of ways or techniques to minimize rage please let me know. 

thank you!