Hey,

I am 23 years old and I feel like I lost nearly all of my emotions.

I had a great childhood and a lot of fun in puberty. I was always more introverted but when I turned 15 I realised that I’m actually handsome, I went to a lot of party’s and had the sweetest girlfriend.

I was drinking way to much alcohol in that time but i never blacked out or lost control over my body. I had to drink half a bottle of Vodka to get tipsy. So I was very unhealthy but it was a fun time looking back. 3 days of Party a week and never attended in school.
But I broke up with my girlfriend for whatever reason.

I managed it to finish my school in 2019 while doing the bare minimum for it.

Right after school became responsible for myself. I reduced the drinking to a „normal“ amount and stopped smoking cigarettes. As soon as you don’t drink alcohol you realise how stupid drunk people and most of the party’s are. 
As a consequence i don’t went out that often and lost my fear of missing out.

I started to work in a restaurant to save some money. I wanted to travel around the world for some time.

2020 came, I lost my job and my dreams of travelling. I started to workout a lot. It helped me to handle the early Covid situation. I made Sport a priority in my life, instead of late party nights.

I still went out to meet with my friends but I did not got drunk and went home earlier than everyone.

I lost the motivation to find new friends because I feel like I don’t need them. Same with girls, my libido got very low. I don’t even want to date them because most of them are uninteresting and uninspired to me. It’s been forever since I saw a girl and thought „wow“.

I did some jobs when I had the opportunity during all the lockdowns but this is not what I want. I feel like I lost the entrance to adult live.
Im trying so hard to find purpose, but I fail every year.

I used to smile all the time, but I lost my smile somewhere on the way. I have dark thoughts since I can think. I work out in an unhealthy manner and get injuries because of the high training volume. 

And I realised that I can’t feel real joy. I know what I like and what not but I don’t feel the feeling. I only feel the negative feelings like anger, fear and hate.

All my other emotions are muted. No Love, no excitement, no sexual desire, no happiness just fake smiles.

I feel good when I can help someone and when I was active that day. But when I’m lazy and alone  for a day I’m falling in to an emotional low and have to fight myself out.

That’s how I’m feeling for 2 years. How do I get out?
Sorry for my bad English I hope you get what I wanted to say