I don’t know how to explain it. But I held a gun to my head 2 weeks ago ready to pull the trigger. I embraced the feeling of all the pain being gone. I was ready to do it but then I stopped myself. That moment changed me. Now here we are 2 weeks later, and I wish I did pull the trigger. Once I realized how much I wanted to die and I hate living, every moment I’ve had since that night, just feels like nothing. The pain doesn’t go away. I’m just here now. I feel so empty and I have no motivation to do anything and everything feels so meaningless. It’s like I did die that night and now I’m just here. I don’t know how to explain it but I’m hoping someone feels the same way I do. Not in the sense of I want others to feel pain but in a sense of I am not alone.