So, my therapist and my psychiatrist both assure me that I am a high-functioning and very self aware, intelligent individual with BPD. I try to remind myself this when I feel the way I've been feeling lately. 

Even though I know how to cope, (I practice mindfulness, I avoid rumination, I stop and assess a triggering situation before reacting, I remind myself that my perception of something may not be accurate, I practice everything I was taught in therapy) I'M SO DAMN TIRED. 

Surviving and "healing" with BPD is so so so exhausting. It takes all of my energy just to be a normal human every day, every hour, every minute. I have barely enough energy to do anything but get up and go to work everyday. I know HOW to cope and live with my BPD successfully to get through each day but it is so terribly DRAINING. 

I just want a break from being me. Like, I long for a 2 week coma just to not have to go through this every second of being awake.  I have to constantly convince myself that I cannot go back to being unemployed and sleeping all day because it's unhealthy. But how I wish I could just give up.

BPD sucks, that's it, that's what I have to say.