Writing this because I need some advice or guidance in some way. I’ve been struggling with mental illness ever since I became a young teen but as I grow older I realize how I was also dealing with it in my childhood. As I graduated high school I had this idea in my head that when I entered college I would some how “get better”. After being in college for one semester and living on my own with freedom, I have realized how my mental illness is something that I am going to have to live with my whole life and try to cope with. I want to be better and build stronger relationships and live out the positive life that I have in my head but I can’t. I can’t stand my anxiety and depression and never truly feeling content and happy with myself. I want to feel okay and I tell myself I can start every day by meditating, or going out side more. I love drinking because I feel okay with everything but I know that is a harmful coping mechanism because the next day I can’t stand my thoughts and will stare at a phone or laptop so my brain doesn’t form a single thought. But yeah idk I just wanted to put this out there because I know there’s many people that feel similarly and can relate. I just wish I could turn off my brain and sleep