I have been struggling for the past few months. I don't feel well. I'm turning 32 years old this year and life hasn't turned out the way that I had hoped or expected. I'm fat, ugly, lonely, poor, and miserable. I gave up on school early in life, but somehow managed to get back on track in my mid-twenties and get an university degree and subsequently get a decent government job. I'm, however, not a man. I'm like an immature boy. I make an okay living, yet I am so undisciplined that I live paycheck to paycheck due to impulse spending. I am on track to get type-2 diabetes due to my gluttonous lifestyle. I'm disgusted by myself. What's worse: I could seize control of life and take the steps to improve my future; yet I choose not do.

I'm a disgusting, lazy, cowardly slob. I gravitate towards ending my life probably for that reason; because it is easier. I'm usually not sad, but I don't think I'll ever be happy. I just don't feel anything.  
I suspect the cowardice in my nature will get the upper hand in the next five years or so. It's weird to write this. I am not emotional, I rarely am, but I just do not want to exist anymore.

I don't know, I'm not well.