Since the pandemic started I have been using just video sessions. I have gotten used to them and prefer them now. I was asked by my therapist to go in person today, having no idea they were even doing them. 

Well it turns out they really aren’t. The treatment team decided it was best for me to come in person due to safety issues. They recently got me mental health arrested at home. I am definitely not a fan of not getting the full story of their intentions and now feel hesitant to talk about what is in my head. 

To add to this my psychiatrist is joining my next session with her and I feel like my time is going to be wasted. My psychiatrist is great with medication and I am grateful for that but she has the personality of a white wall. 

Now at the end of the day I can get used to this and logically I get it. But my anxiety is screaming. I recently came out as a trans man and I have been petrified to go in public. There is way too much violence about the community and my nightmares can back full force making we see myself get assaulted in more ways than one. It’s killing me to sit in the waiting room. I don’t feel safe. Am I safe? Yeah probably. In the moment my heart is coming out of my chest. I really don’t know if changing to in person is worth that increased anxiety. 

Point of this post is really nothing and I just needed to write this down