Hey guys, I have a fear of lead metal/ cadmium, any metal that is super harmful and takes decades to be removed of the body. I've recently discovered that my ceiling was painted in a lead based paint and ever since I've been super anxious. I'm scared that the dust from the paint will fall down and enter my body, I'm scared that the flaking paint would fall into my food, onto my hair and my body.

So I took action, I taped the flaking paint and cleaned my room, I vaccumed the floor and used wet wipes to wipe dirty areas. But I don't know why, I just constantly have self conflicting thoughts, I'd think to my self I never cleaned this area, even though I have cleaned it multiple times. I'd constantly fight with my self for minutes just sitting there before giving in and cleaning it again. Even after cleaning some areas last night, this morning I woke up, even more anxious because of the way I might have taped the ceiling. I taped it from the top down, instead of from the bottom then up and that may have released some paint dust when I pressed down on the tape. This made me super anxious, thinking where might the paint dust have landed and ultimately makes me want to clean my whole room. I'm so scared that this paint dust might affect me in anyway. 

I've been eating breakfast super late, lunch at 4pm and dinner at 10pm. This has really taken a toll on my body and my mind. I'd keep wanting to clean even though I'm super fatigued. I'd be scared to drink water while cleaning because Id think there's paint dust on my lips, so I'd go for hours without drinking anything. I hate this so much. This is fucking my life up. Every day has just been the thoughts of lead paint and I just don't want to live in this house anymore. This is so bad and I'm so tired of cleaning, even though my mind tells me I have to. I keep finding areas where I havent cleaned, and I tell my self "how can I be so careless". This morning I woke up briefly and looked up, all the worrying thoughts came to me and I started hitting my self because I didn't clean that area. I fucking hate this and Im just so scared of lead dust. Why does this lead paint even have to exist, it's caused me so much pain and suffering. My parents don't understand my anxiety and would always scold me for cleaning this and cleaning that, but I just think once I finish cleaning everything, I'd finally be able to rest. They wouldn't repaint the ceiling because they don't think it's anything serious.

At this point Im thinking about cleaning the walls, because the lead paint might have gotten onto the walls. Cleaning the blinds, again lead paint might have gotten onto it. Revacumming and cleaning my shelves. I'm just so tired of this. I've even gotten to the point where I am scared of even touching the chrome plated door handles in my house because when I lead swab tested it, it returned positive for lead. I end up washing my hands every minute after touching anything. I honestly don't know what to do anymore. Please help.