I realized recently that I don't know how to let anyone help me.  I don't even want them to help me.  I got laid off and my friends were offering to buy me dinners, or gas money or just offering to listen to me and I could tell I hurt them all by saying no.  When they offer to help and I just say no every time eventually they stop trying because they don't want to be rejected again.  I don't know how to say yes though.  It just scares the shit out of me and I want to run away.  

&amp;#x200B;

I don't know why I can't just accept things from people.  I don't want compliments.  I don't even let people pay for my food on a date.  Maybe I don't want to feel like I owe them anything?  I want to do it all on my own and I don't need anyone's help.  I'm afraid if I let people get too close then they will leave like so many people did before.  In the end, I'm still alone because there isn't any substance to the relationship and they never know who I am.  Obviously they can tell when I'm having a bad day, or flip flopping moods but when they ask, I just want to scream at them to leave me the fuck alone, so I just say I'm fine and leave instead.  I feel like sharing how crazy I feel would be too much and even a tiny bit of it is enough to make a relationship crumble.  When they ask though, I want to tell them.  I want people to care and I do want help.

&amp;#x200B;

So how do I let people help me when they offer without scaring them off, or wrecking our friendship?