I (F21) think my girlfriend (F20) is going to end up leaving me. i'm way too much for her. i get really angry, a lot. over things she doesn't care about. i try to help her with things and I make things worse because i'm "controlling" and "criticizing." I fucking hate myself. I fucking hate having BPD. i'm always battling myself with "I can't act or feel this way, i'm being manipulative, I should just force myself to be nice," and "FUCK THAT i'm not faking shit I feel what I feel and i'm gonna fucking say it." I really just want to die. i'm going to push her away just like everyone else in my fucking life because I can't SHUT THE FUCKUP and be fuckinf nice. but why should I be nice if i'm feeling upset? thats not fair. I don't know anymore. i'm losing touch again.