I don't know if i have depression,since i haven't been to a professional with my issues,but if i search them up,well it shows they are signs of it.  
I feel zero happiness over anything that i remember used to be moved by a few years ago.  
My favorite activity is sleeping,every time i'm awake i can't wait to be asleep again.  
Currently i have no friends whatsoever,tho thinking back the ones i considered as,i wouldn't have been able to talked about this with so i don't think they were anything but superficial relationships.

There isn't a thing i feel enthusiastic about.Apathy is probably the word to discribe every time im not occupied and thinking by myself.

The more i try to find some meaning,the more i feel like the best would be to pass away,but im afraid to kill myself,so then i stop for a sec,and realise that i'm really pathetic.  
If i was to tell this to someone i would feel like they would feel that all i want is their pity.But in reality thats the last thing i want and since i know my relatives i know they won't be able to say anything helpful if not making things worse by shrugging it off and telling me thats the last excuse i could come up with.

I'm envous.Of those people who have goals they are excited about.Because currently i could count the things i like in life on the fingers on one of my hands.I haven't got any goals in my head.Every time i think of something i get to the conclusion that it won't end up like that.  
i haven't said "i love you" in a year.I can't think of anyone who i would be able to say this from the bottom of my heart,tho i don't even kinda know the emotion that brings out those words anymore.

i'm still kicking it,having a slight string of hope that something or someone will change my point of view before i end up losing that too.

I don't really know why i wrote this,probably cause i think i've never felt as bad as i do now,ever.

And i really don't think a therapist would do anything.I think they feel compassion out of pity.When they get home after work they just wanna forget all that crap people like me tell to them.I think this is something only ourselves can fix,but currently i'm unable to find the reason to have a different mindset.Thats all.