I lack so much personal development unlike most kids growing up I had video games and video games were my sense of happiness. Since most video games I played were single player I never really needed anyone for my happiness. I never explored or spoke to anyone in high school because all I played was video games and they gave me socializing but the wrong kind. Now I have no family of my own and I don't even have a girlfriend. I recently suffered workplace harassment where people would call me ugly and before that I didn't even question if I was ugly or not. I don't feel ugly I always feel happy and energetic. I don't bother to communicate with others unless I absolutely have too and I guess I look like a very extraverted person to others. I can't relate to no one because all I do is sit in front of my computer information binging and stimulating my brain with caffeine and video games. I wish building connections came naturally to me but I'm very distrusting of people and very, very, cautious around them. I'm going make some phone calls tomorrow to look for a therapist and maybe even a psychologist maybe they can help me with all the trauma I've suffered but as of now I wish I had someone to enjoy life with and be intimate with but I don't and it sucks makes me kind of feel like dying because I don't even know what my life is about. I'm following my dreams by doing hobbies that keep me occupied and distracted of even thinking about intimacy. I also didn't have a mom because she passed away due to ovarian cancer I was 8 years of age.  Does not having a mom affect relationships with women when you're older?