pretty much the title. tw for suicidal ideation and self harm and anorexia/graphic ed talk. 

he'd been my fp for over two years and in november i thought i'd finally gotten over him with the help of therapy. we were still friends of course but the obsession wasn't bad. 
5 months later, he's moved to my state and we're irl friends now and all the feelings have come rushing back and i can't tell if they're romantic or platonic but regardless they're ruining my life. im only 18 and since he's moved here ive given up on school and am considering dropping out.
 i have no plans for the future except being with him, he's the only person who makes me feel like a person and fills the void in my chest. 
ive relapsed into my ed and are no longer eating, my parents are worried about me but all i want is to be with him. it's so embarrassing asking if i can run away to his house and him politely suggesting i should tell my parents what's going on.
i love him so much but im so scared because he's obviously taking over my life. of course it's exciting because we're finally together in person but im so terrified he's going to leave and then i'll have nothing because ive given my life to him. but he deserves it. i literally don't feel like a functioning human without him, there's no sense of self here.
the worst part is he doesn't care about me as much as i do him and that fear was the whole point of the post. knowing this makes me incredibly suicidal and want to self harm but i want to live and be normal but i can't live without him caring about me if that makes sense. i don't know what to do.
sorry this was an all over the place gay little rant im kind of in an all over the place headspace at the moment