So I met someone. I am usually pretty calm and such  when I'm single and alone. But anytime I like someone as alot of yall can relate to, I go bat shit.

I am a quiet bpd. So no one really knows, I save alot of my freak outs and worries to myself. I recently started seeing let's call him J. And let me tell you I'm falling super hard. He's handsome, funny, weird, we have the EXACT same mind, always finishing each other's sentences or saying something and realizing the other was about to say it. Also the sex is out of this world 😭

Now he has already stated he likes me and wants this to be a relationship along the road. But already there's been some issues (on my end, in my head) he is very open. And he said the other day that after our first date he went on a different date but dropped her realizing he thought we clicked better.

My stomach dropped. I felt sad, anxious, angry. I got short with him and almost ghosted him. And I hate it because in my mind I'm screaming how it's no big deal, we aren't together and we barely knew each other. But another voice says fuck him lol. Just stupid little things, I cringe when he goes out to bars because I am waiting for him to meet someone better and drop me. Just stupid shit

I really like him, and I know reality he likes me and isn't going anywhere. But the bpd in me is scheming ways to fuck it up. How do I calm myself down and not sabotage this? (BTW he doesn't know I've freaked over these things, again quiet bpd I usually just get really short with him and he gets confused)