I'm a non, trying to learn the delicate balance of what boundaries to maintain with my girlfriend, and to what extent, while keeping in mind that every situation is unique.

That being said, I wanted to gather some anecdotes from those managing BPD on what healthy behaviors from their partners help them snap out of it.

For example, often I will be at work when a trigger is flipped, and upon realizing that it could spiral down a never-ending rabbit hole, I will communicate that "I Love you, but I need to take a step back, so we can both cool down. I'll talk to you after work, Love." and proceed to not respond to any further messages.

I want to make sure that she understands that I am coming from a place of love and self-respect. Yet often I can feel my heart aching to reach back out to her just to reassure her that I still, in our period void of communication, Love her and respect her, and know that it is not her fault.

What I am concerned about is how she might perceive this. On one hand I said, "black and white," that we will talk after work. That being said, I feel like reaching out before then to reassure her and ease her rumination could be interpreted as me not taking my own boundaries seriously, which would communicate with her that it's okay to do the same, which I'm concerned would become a cyclical issue moving forward.

I guess my question is: if I set boundaries, is it better to uphold this TO THE TEE? What type of boundaries do your SOs set / do you set for your BPD SO's, and how do you go about it?

Grateful!