Hi all.

I suspect that my very close friend has BPD, or something similar. She has a history of very unstable relationships with both friends and others, she's often paranoid that everyone is coming for her, she's impulsive, and she self-sabotages regularly.

In short, most other people find her quite exhausting and toxic, but I care about her nonetheless. I don't want to completely sever ties, but I do want to create healthy boundaries somehow. It's a tough position, as I'm sure many of you can relate to!

I'm concerned she or others in this situation may be triangulating me. It occurred to me today as I was mulling it over, and it has me feeling sick to my stomach.

Recently she moved in with new roommates in a temporary sublet situation. They're all working artists and share similar passions. I've met the new roommates about three times, and for brief periods of time. Each time, I did my best to be courteous, respectful, and kind, as I usually do, but something happened the other night that set off a million warning bells in my brain.

My friend, let's call her Katie, had invited me to an outing with her new roomies this weekend. I was excited to go and looking forward to getting to know them all better, as they seemed to be helping her a lot with her move-in and adjusting, and this was a BIG step up from her last living situation (which became toxic and fell apart quickly).

Then out of the blue, while we were having a good time, she brought up that one of her roommates she's grown slightly closer to recently, let's call her Angie, has been expressing her dislike of me. I was shocked. Confused. Bewildered. I've met Angie three times, have barely spoken to her, and each time, thought we liked each other.

Katie informed me that Angie and the other roommates allegedly don't want me to come to the weekend excursion.  She couldn't give me a clear reason as to why, she kept saying things like "I don't know how to explain it" and "I feel like I'm in the middle" and "I'm not sure what to do."

Keep in mind, Katie is one of my closest friends, and she's known these people for a week. 

She told me we may all need to sit down and "talk this out," to which I said: "Talk what out? I don't even know what I did, or why anyone is mad at me. I'm so confused."

She responded with vague things like: "They had a bad first impression of you" and "I don't know why, but they assume XYZ about you," all this stuff, and "You made a comment that offended them." I asked what the comment was, but she couldn't tell me. It was all vague.

Hurt and in utter shock, I planned to confront them that evening about it and ask what had happened.  I had noticed all the roomies were acting prickly with me that day, and uneasy around me, and short with me. I couldn't figure out what I'd done, and when I asked a neutral third party, they replied: "You didn't do anything. Angie is going through a rough time. Things are tricky right now."

Again, vague, which set off my paranoia. 

However, when I got back to the house after Katie had informed me of this issue I hadn't even agreed to be part of, the roomies didn't say a word to me about it. They didn't bring anything up. I assumed maybe Katie had misunderstood something, or in a delusional state, misconstrued something.

The darker, wiser part of me began to suspect she had exaggerated some small comment or blown something out of proportion.

Today, I called Katie and tried to talk this out with her, explaining that vague paranoid feeling is very triggering for me and my own mental health journey, and that I can't be around that kind of energy. She said "You did nothing wrong" and "for some reason, they don't want you to be a part of this apartment space" (I don't live there, keep in mind), and "I don't know what to do."

Katie sounded helpless, but it was odd, because she'd brought this all up. I suggested I send a message to her roommate Angie and try and clear the air.

I did, and it was very thorough and empathetic (or at least, that's how I tried to be). I'm a very direct person. I like to hash things out in the open so we can all move on. I don't like extended conflict, or backstabbing, or gossip.

So I told Angie that I'd heard Katie say all these things, and wanted to assure her I had no ill will toward her. I let her know that if I did anything to offend her, I sincerely apologize (because if I did make a stupid comment, again, I'd want to know and own up to it!), and that I'd hope we could work through this together as I'm worried about how it's affecting Katie.

No reply. Nothing. Angie read my message but said not a word.

My mind is spinning. 

I'm starting to feel absolutely crazy.

Is my next move retreat? Did I make a mistake asserting myself? It doesn't feel like I did, because I wanted to assert that I'm not involved in this "conflict," but it's making me feel like I'm back in middle school.

If Katie does have BPD, what is her objective here? What is she trying to do?

Thanks for listening.