So I recently got involved with a guy (let's call Him M) who I believe may have BPD. He hasn't been diagnosed, but after talking with others and doing some research I find that this disorder describes him almost perfectly.

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He has served in the army for over ten years, and has been diagnosed with PTSD. At first I thought it was just that. He also has substance abuse issues and recently stopped drinking after a mental breakdown, which started with a huge argument between us and ended with his mom driving 12 hours through the night to bring him back to Virginia with her.

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Essentially I've been his FP for two ish months, we were first introduced about a year ago but didn't become close until recently when both of our lives were imploding. I had recently split from my husband and M has been dealing with selling his house, which is a disaster, especially given his poor financial situation. His car has also been on the fritz lately. Even for a mentally healthy person it's a lot to deal with. The house has been in contract several times and every time he gets a buyer there is something else to fix. He is pretty handy and did a lot of the work himself, but it was becoming too much to keep up with, especially considering his wife is a few states away in NC (we live in FL). He had been living in the house alone since April and just left for VA a couple weeks ago. The wife has been of very little help in this process and barely sends him her half of the mortgage. She is also blatantly cheating on him and I think he's on the way to finally accepting that the marriage is over (she has cheated before, and is only playing nice so she gets her cut when the house sells).

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I had tried being supportive of him, letting him know that he does not deserve the kind of treatment she has been giving him, and that he needs to take care of himself. When we first started talking he was very open about everything that was wrong in his life, even identifying some ways that he was making it worse ("I need to stop drinking, etc.) I now realize that by helping him I was mostly enabling his self destructive behavior, but I saw a friend suffering and I know how it feels to be a prisoner in my own head (I suffer from anxiety, which can get pretty bad at times). He went out of his way to help me with various things even without me explicitly asking, as he admitted to me early on that he was depressed and I didn't want to burden him further (eg. I had a flat and he plugged the tire, another time he fixed my washing machine). 

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 I felt like I was the person to help make him whole again until I realized the extent of his emotional pain. 

His constant narrative when he was drunk/upset was that he is always let down by those closest to him, always compared to others (I later found that this stems from his mom repeatedly telling him "you're him but you're not him" when referring to his absent father). He was always there to listen to my problems and I did my best to do the same for him. Having someone to come home to seemed to help us both, and for almost two months we maintained a ritual where he would text me every day when he got home from work (I was doing Postmates and odd jobs, looking for better work, so I was always available). It seemed at first to be a perfect arrangement, neither of us had to be lonely and could rely on each other even though every one else mostly sucked. 

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We had sex, a lot. The best sex of both of our lives. I went into it thinking I just needed a "solid fuck buddy" but then we caught feelings for each other, and before I knew it he was telling me he wouldn't mind if my IUD failed and I got pregnant. He told me all he has ever wanted was to be a father, and his wife refused to have another child after a miscarriage in 2012. He told me he wants a "little him" because it will force him to be less selfish and give him a purpose in life. I don't agree with this reasoning because he is basically asking for an unplanned child. But, the desperate lonely parts of me longed for someone who truly loved and understood me so I didn't let this scare me off. 

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But after the night with the argument/mental breakdown, I knew there was no way to sustain the romantic relationship. I actually lost contact with him for 2 weeks and waited for him to call me back (the first boundaries I have ever set for us). 

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I didn't even know he was in Virginia until a few days ago because the argument ended with me calling the police to escort him out of my house (he was very drunk, acting irrationally and somewhat violently towards me, took my keys and threatened to drive my car back to his house even though I offered multiple times to call an uber). During the argument he spoke/shouted at me like I was the worst person ever and was projecting a lot, basically trying to make me feel like trash ("You're just like everyone else who never cared about me, you don't understand me, you dont appreciate anything I've done for you, stop taking your frustrations out on me") 

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He called and left a voicemail apologizing, telling me that he is finally going back to school once he gets a job up there. And that he got his dog back from his wife, now that his mom "rescued" him from his situation down here and he's no longer by himself in an empty house. I didn't call him back until the next day, even though I teared up listening to the message, I was so happy that he was finally moving in the positive direction that I truly wanted for him. 

We had a weird conversation last night where he went back to a lot of the same points ("my mom doesn't understand me, she regards me as a child, my life is so awful and it will never get better, etc.") I encouraged him, as always, to let her know how he feels. And he actually took my advice, telling me that his mom finally listened to him for once. So I was happy for that, and hoping their relationship continues to improve. 

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Basically what I am asking here is how best to support M since when he lived in FL I was more enabling him than anything. How can I encourage him to seek help in Virginia? Should I do anything other than listen to him complaining about how hard his life is, etc and just try to be a positive influence on him?

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Some of my friends would be upset that I am even talking to him again, but I am not the type to just give up on people. In a sick twisted way I am drawn to his instability and drama. It is definitely better for us both that I can't just pop over to his house ten minutes away like I was doing. And I have finally admitted to myself the unhealthiness of jumping right back into a relationship before fully healing from my last one (husband and I had been married 4 years and dating much longer). I had encouraged him to go back to therapy, which seemed to be having some effect until the argument/mental breakdown. Now he is back to saying that no one could possibly help him because of what he's been through (combat, failed marriage, etc) and that the therapist he saw years ago didn't understand him. I asked him a very blatant question, "do you think you are mentally healthy? I know I'm not" in an attempt to get him to address the possibility that some sort of treatment could make him feel less "like total garbage" (his words). He hesitated but didn't really have a response. He is about to lose his health insurance as his military "expiration date" with the reserves is in October. I really want him to get into some sort of treatment before it runs out, especially because I don't think he could handle the stress of school and if he drops out, he will lose his GI bill. He already has to pay his mom back thousands of dollars for helping him (the past few months, she's come through when his wife was delinquent with house payments, and is now paying for a new realtor). I just really want him to succeed in life because he is a talented, capable person but his life and his mind have beat him down to such a state that he finds his daily existence stressful.

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TL;DR My close friend of two months probably has BPD, I am seeking advice on how best to proceed considering my own mental and emotional issues (I have anxiety and my marriage has recently ended).