17 year old man here with OCD and I'm almost certain I have quiet BPD, I'm doubting myself because of how I think and feel about my friendships and relationships and interactions with women. It sounds really weird but for some reason I feel like I crave emotional intimacy with women in particular, and I really like feeling like I'm trusted by women, with women I'm also really sensitive to physical touch especially when it feels like there's some emotional connection. at the same time though whenever I'm around women I feel like I'm hypervigilant about my thoughts, emotions, sensations, and how I appear to others and constantly doubting whether I have bad intentions or if I'm narcissistic or manipulative or if I have some sort of weird fetish or something, or whether I crossed someone's personal boundaries and made them feel uncomfortable. idrk, I know it makes no logical sense especially because I'm not at all like this around other men. Rationally speaking I strongly support women's rights and I want to be one of the people who works to dismantle systems of oppression like patriarchy, racism, capitalism, etc. but idk, my thought patterns and tendencies seem very egodystonic (not in line with my values). Or maybe my values aren't actually what I think they are? Maybe I'm just telling myself and others I have these values because I want others to think I'm a good person and trust me. This is all so confusing, I just wanna have healthy friendships and relationships like a normal person but I'm so doubtful and toxic and writing this out I see how infantilizing this is and I know it's wrong but I'm just writing this to get thoughts/perspectives on this because I feel like I need to get it under control. My current therapist is barely helping at all and I really want to start DBT