The last thing I want to do is live on my own right now, and like hell can I afford an apartment. Moving back with my parents seemed like the sensible thing to do in order to start therapy since finding myself hospitalized and briefly homeless. However, nobody can trigger me to have a nervous breakdown quite like my parents. For every time my mom is empathetic to my problems, sometimes she seems too emotionally damaged herself to give me perspective. She also has a knack of prodding me at my triggers and framing my issues in such a way that I feel under attack. At a certain point my brain is so loud that I have to scream in order to drown it out. I don’t know how healthy it is for me to stay here if I keep having these tantrums. 

One of my girlfriend wants me to move in with her as a nesting partner in a few months and I am becoming more a more partial to doing so. But that scares me because of my fear of abandonment. I maintain some emotional distance so she doesn’t become my FP, especially since my other girlfriend treats me sort of as her own FP. So she has never seen me at my lowest and don’t know if she can handle it. I was already abandoned by my former FP/GF because of my episodes. I don’t want this happening again.