My ex has asked for NC a couple of months ago. And I've been trying really hard to stick through with it. Though throughout it all, I started engaging in self-harm behaviours (cutting/burning); cause I felt like I deserved to be 'punished'. 

Last night I tried overdosing on pills. I, impulsively, called her up to assure her this wasn't her fault. I really worried her. She managed to talk me into getting home safe, but now I feel terrible for breaking our NC promise and for sending her down this turmoil with me--and now more do than ever, feel like taking my own life. There's no winning with my thoughts. I'm not sure what to do now

What can I do?