*maybe venting


I started using reddit 5 or 6 years ago but in almost of those 5 years i was inactive. I came to use reddit recently so if my post seems weird or too lengthy compared to other posts or if i violated the rules, i'm sorry and please let me know.

No parental love(i'm an adult but i guess i'm still young enough to want parents' love), no money, no cognitive ability to study or think like before, no perfect grade, no stable relationship with fp as he doesn't rlly love me etc

My current situation is so bad. I just want to die and end everything. I almost stopped self-harm 1 year before but started recently because i feel like dying so many times

And i can feel that i can jump from my apartment at any time because there's no one who would be truly sad if i die. Even if there were someone, i would die someday.

Nothing is holding me back. I rlly want to die. I'm spending time sleeping using my pills that i got from my psychiatrist. But you know, even the psychiatrist is not caring me. Even my fp. Maybe. I'm alone.

What should i do? How can i bear my life? Or is there no way so i should just say goodbye and jump off from my window? I'm dying.