I can't change my self defence mechanisms of numbing myself to the point I can't feel my partners pain. She cries for care and love and all her efforts go over me. Counselling isn't possible as there's a lockdown in place in my city. I fail to give her basic care and love. She's been suicidal and at the edge fighting to hold on and I'm the only one she ever opens up to, I'm the only one who has seen her at her worst. I'm the only one who can even make her feel any better yet I don't budge. I don't show care to her. What do I do? I love her but my heart doesn't move when I see her scarring herself? I cry thinking about everything but I don't put in effort. Someone please tell me what I can do? I can't cause more pain to her because of me