21 F) I've been incredibly depressed for over 10 years, but recently it's been really hard for me. I feel like my brain is constantly spiraling and i feel like im stuck in a loop everyday with my emotions. I've previously been in abusive relationships and my father was also abusive, and as a result i feel like im damaged and im afraid i'm turning into a bad person as a result of those experiences.. I'm in a relationship with someone who is very kind to me, we have been together for almost a year but i'm afraid i'm ruining things because of how depressed i've been recently. We are long distance right now and It's hard for me to feel loved and comforted right now because we aren't together.. It's been really hard to take care of myself and most days i just rot in bed and cry. I barely eat or shower. I work from home so i never leave the house. I try my best to explain to my partner that it's not his fault that i'm depressed, but it's inevitable that i'm going to make him feel bad because of my mental state. I feel like i'm going to be unloved forever, and undesirable because of my mental state. I'm not an angry person, i just am incredibly depressed, and suicidal. i don't lash out or anything like that but i'm worried he isn't going to love me anymore because i'm not enjoyable to be around right now. It feels endless and i don't know what to do. He tries to reassure me but i just feel so bad.. idk what to do. How do i break out of this cycle? It's not always like this, but this past month has felt so awful. I just want to be able to feel like myself again.