All of my life I have been criticized for how I look. I've been fat since I was like four. My mom would always tell me that if I keep eating I'll be as big as a horse. If I don't lose weight and get any fatter that she's going to send me to fat camp. I remember trying so hard to lose weight. I would watch what I was eating and would go for multiple walks everyday. Instead of losing weight, I gained like 20 pounds in a month. Ever since then I've been obsessed with my appearance. Seriously I believe I am the ugliest most disgusting person in the entire universe. My sister was always the beautiful one and I was the fat ugly one. No I don't hate my sister at all. She and I are bffs. My mom would make other comments like "you know if you lost weight you would get asked out a lot." So when I was 15 I had one of my ovaries removed because it was twisted. I found out that I have enlarged ovaries and more than likely pcos. I am working on losing weight (I'm 28 and 313 pounds right now). I managed to get down to 279 in late 2019 but got back up to 300 by January 2020. I don't like going out because I'm afraid of being judged even though 99% it doesn't happen. Every time someone says they like me I want to cry and tell them in my mind to hate me. I feel like putting a Halloween mask or a bag over my face so people can't see me. I cry almost every day because of how ugly and disgusting I am. I don't know what to do. I just want to live a normal life and have a man who loves and cares about me.