Totally understand that everyone has different taste and their own relationship with music.... I'm not saying you're obligated to love it, but I'm very comforted/validated by being able to relate to other's account of their experience with BPD/manic behavior/self awareness/anxieties/ect... and this song is so fucking relatable I nearly fell outta my chair when I heard it. 

 Will include the link and lyrics below. I omitted the na na na na nas bc long post no good. If you have any other songs/books/tv series/movies/podcasts that make you feel less lonely, don't be afraid to send them in a comment!! 

 [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g99MyUfpDxo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g99MyUfpDxo) 

I'm always singing 'bout my fickle feelings  
'Cause there ain't no antidote  
Laying here in silence  
'Cause I cannot find the damn remote  
Even if I found it I would probably just flip, flip and flip  
In the midst of August  
Getting started on my Christmas list  
I been thinking 'bout you  
And I wanna go do something nice  
I can't take rejection  
And that's why I pay the crazy price  
If you ain't ecstatic I feel like I blew it big time  
I'm a little manic  
I just wanna see your big smile  
Nothing means more to me  
Than when I hear that you're proud of me  
Acting like a kid  
Because I never quite learned how to be  
Peanut butter waffles  
When it's dinner time and I'm alone  
Hiding in my castle  
But the walls are made of styrofoam

I know, there's no in between  
It's either high, low  
You know how to balance but I don't  
I wish I could finally just find home  
I know, there's no in between  
It's either high, low  
You know how to balance but I don't  
I wish I could finally just find home  
I'm drinking coffee at 3 a.m.  
Playing Battlegrounds and Overwatch  
Volume up to fifty  
'Cause it get too trippy if it's not  
I can hear the fridge buzz  
I can hear my thoughts clear  
I can hear the room ring  
I can hear who's not here  
I let my lil' bro talk me  
Into buying designer clothes  
He tell me I'm flexing  
But I don't even feel kinda close  
Them bitches were brand new  
But they look like old shoes  
Could've bought a puppy  
Or 220 cold brews  
When somebody ask me how I been  
I get too personal  
Catching up and small talk  
Are two things I never learned to do  
I make life decisions in the time  
It take to brush my teeth  
Can't remember where I been  
Don't know where I'm gonna be  
I know, there's no in between  
It's either high, low  
You know how to balance but I don't  
I wish I could finally just find home  
I know, there's no in between  
It's either high, low  
You know how to balance but I don't  
I wish I could finally just find home  
I wish I could finally just find home  
I wish I could finally just find home