I hate the feeling of that rage in my body when I’m splitting, and right now I cannot stop. My brain just wants to go go go and push my partner away. We’ve been together for 10 months, and at this point I am so terrified I am going to be abandoned. She’s at her limit and I don’t want to continue on this never ending self fulfilling prophecy anymore. I want peace. Splitting is not me. I am not BPD. I don’t want it to control me anymore.   

We had therapy today and she said she felt like she didn’t have any autonomy, and she can’t think of anything good about our relationship at this point bc so much of it is me splitting that we don’t even have space to talk about anything outside of conflict or our relationship. That fucking ruined me. Later she said she knows splitting is not me, and she wants to make it work, but the only thing I can do at this point is changed behavior.  I love her so much and I would literally d*e to not be abusive to her again.  

Please send coping skills, and things that worked for you if you were able to stop splitting around your partner.   How do you control yourself? How do you stop letting your emotions control you? I feel like I’ve tried everything and nothing works. I feel truly hopeless that I’m never gonna get better. I can’t stop breaking my own heart