I've thrown myself down a well and picked up some self-awareness on the way down. I've pushed people away and burnt bridges, making it so no one will want to help and might even enjoy watching me drown. Picked up a fp and we haven't been apart for nearly 9 months now. He has his own issues and I can't hate him for them but he won't take responsibility for the impact he's had on my life either. Getting me evicted, gambling his portion of rent away, introducing me to crystal meth and refusing to work with me on any of it. Since the diagnosis he's tried telling me that it's all in my head or that I'm the problem, not his actions. Normally I'd pack up and disappear but I've been homeless for most of the year and lost all my supports. No counselors in my area will touch me and all I can do is watch myself spiral into insanity. 

Sorry for the wall of text, I'm on mobile. 

TLDR: ugh kill me please