I‘m 18, and I‘m almost graduated so that’s good- but right now just sucks. My mom gets pissed at me around finals cause I‘m not helping and listening to her as much, (I just don’t have the Time or energy.) (And I always warn her a week ahead, all I‘m asking for is understand that for two weeks I just want to focus on school.) But because I can’t help- all she’s been telling me lately is how I never work hard enough and how she’s the only who does anything. (Despite the fact that every other week beyond the two weeks of each semester- I‘m helping WAY more than she does.) Beyond that, despite asking her specifically not too, she keeps venting about she and my father‘s relationship as well as asking me to keep taking breaks from my work to help her out. The second part wouldn’t be too bad if It wasn’t silly shit she needed help with and of I didn’t have a focusing problem. My school counselor and teachers agree that I probably have adhd but my mum doesn’t want me to get tested because even though my dad‘s side has a history of it, she thinks cause her family doesn’t, it „cancelled“ it out in me.) The shit she keeps getting me up for is dumb stuff like how I needed to go find headphones for my father watching a movie because he was playing it too loud on his laptop and my mom wanted to watch a movie on the tv- again, wouldn’t be too bad if she didn’t make it such a huge deal by acting like it was such a huge sacrifice that I had to go and get headphone, further- she could’ve gone to a different room to watch tv???? (One example of this.) To make matters worse- I have to read this thing for class and the second book makes fun of some characters weight gain every other page and it’s seriously trigging my anorexia cause that stuff scares the shit out of me. Lastly, I think I‘ve been developing a self harm issue????? (TW: self harm) I used to skin pick but I thought I stopped- apparently shaving off the skin on the heel of your feet until it bleeds (usually by accident) is a self harm thing too. (I thought it was just a weird obsession with peeling off dead skin.) I also sometimes smack myself or give myself a little punch in the face if I‘m having a hard time focusing- but this time I did it, I did it hard enough to leave a bruise. I‘ve tried seeking out help; My parents won’t take me to a therapist and my school‘s counselors are more equipped to deal with college admission stuff than actual mental health. (That or they don’t really offer it to me since I‘m doing well in classes- cause some of my friends get additional weekly meetings for mental health stuff; I get they’re busy but I really wish I could get some help too.) Anyway, sorry for the rant- writing stuff down usually helps me focus and I can’t access my journal right now. Thank you for reading.