From the family member, who knows my struggles, says he understands, ask me if I’m ok when I’m down, this I show he treats me. When it’s convenient for him, everything he tells me goes out the window. He no longer understands Im struggling, I’m being sensitive, I took things wrong, I don’t remember right, Im the one with an attitude.

You want to know why I walk away? Because it’s easier then having to argue and yell, it’s easier then having a meaningless conversation where I eventually get yelled at because you won’t understand YOU might be wrong.  

I always take the blame, even when not wrong it’s easier to default to. So it’s my fault that it happens, but of course this benefits their ego.

Im done, Im sick of holding onto a family that has continuously pushed me away and helped reenforce my own diminishing self worth, I already think I’m a monster and everything in life confirms it. I’m sick of caring about people who have proven at my worst, they don’t care, but they always come back when things get better.

I’ll grit my teeth and bare but once I’m gone it’ll be the last. Honestly, I’m still contemplating a name change so they never know I died.

It’s not ok anymore and I won’t accept it. From work to home, I don’t deserve this, none of us do.

Keep pushing, keep trying and please take care of yourself everyone.