I (20 M ) don’t know why I feel this way. I’ve always been an introvert I hate talking to new people and even people I know I’d rather not. I have a beautiful girlfriend and we’ve been dating for a year and a half and I do love her shes funny ambitious and very sexy. And I make a decent amount of money for no college and only two years outta highschool. Enough for me to live with my girlfriend and to buy a new car. Despite all this the little voice that talks to everyone when they think is always telling me to kill myself. It started when I was in first grade and as a young child I knew this wasn’t normal and I didn’t wanna worry my mom or get sent to the psych ward so I kept it to myself thinking maybe it’ll go away and because of that I kept to myself cause I knew no one would understand. Here I am at 20 years old and every morning on my drive to work I always think I wish I had the balls to go over that bridge. I own a gun now because I live in sketchy part of town but every time I see it I wanna put it in my mouth and just fulfill my minds greatest urge. But it’ll destroy so many lives and Ik it’s a selfish act.