Currently 24 y/o Male:

This past year has been the hardest year of my life. Although I have had some great accomplishments for my situation (got my degree, a wife, a house, and decent job), I feel the most unstable I have ever been. To put it into perspective, during my youth, I had a mother who neglected me for drugs (also kicked me out at 15), a father that claimed I was not his kid, and two brothers who distanced themselves from me, forcing me to isolate myself and become “the quiet kid”. As most normal kids, I did not grow up with a therapist and did not even know that it was an option. By isolating myself, this promoted these feelings to magnify. I was angry, resentful, and had zero motivation to do anything other than bask in my own dark feelings. (I forgave all of the people who have done wrong in my life, but some I have distanced myself from &lt;—HELPED A TON)

As time went by, I thought it was getting better. I ended up joining the Navy as a 18 year old to try something new. I ended up falling in love with it, and still love the Navy. I was happy but still had my, what I call, a “depression switch”. I’m sure some of you may have experienced this, you’ll feel fine until something random happens (could be you thinking of the past, a random sentence, or just what you see) to spike these feelings. I ended up separating from the Navy (honorably through an early out program) after I felt like I got what I needed from it (my degree, work experience, lifelong friends, and I was done seeing gruesome stuff). Although I was happy and ready to start my life adventure, I found out I had extremely bad insomnia. Im saying, sleeping 3 hours over the course of 5 days. This comes in waves, and when it comes, it comes hard (pause). By not having the adequate sleep I wanted, this caused all of the feelings to come back. I sometimes find myself crying profusely at 2-4AM and screaming in the mirror at myself. I know this isn’t the best thing to do BUT it is what relieves me of stress. 

Fortunately, I feel more in control than I did when I was younger. I am realizing I am not letting depression control me anymore. I know it will never go away, but at least I have some motivation to push through hard times when they spike. I really hope that my experience can help someone who is dealing with a similar situation I was. Suicide is never the answer, realize that it will relieve your stress BUT it will put those same burdens you have on multiple people, which in hindsight does more harm than good. Try to forgive but realize that the relationship won’t be roses again. Always take your time with forgiveness, don’t rush it. I believe in you.

P.S: What are your outlets for your depression?