After a few psychiatrists have reviewed my case, they arent sure what the solution is but throughout my life I have shown a consistent and constant pattern of self defeating, self hating, pessamistic, self destructive behaviour where I need to always feel bad and feel at blame and never be positive about myselfnor my future. This along with black and white thinking. 

Given this personality, how can I ever improve myself? If clearly I wont absorb therapy, it isnt a chemical imbalance issue, and its inherent to who I am. Feeling so hopeless. Thanks