I just can't fucking cope anymore.
I can't do this I can't keep going. I went on a date today and he left not even kissed me or hugged me. Does that mean I'm that disgusting? Am I not good enough.  Then fucking crashed my car in anger. Can't seem to swallow my food no reason to eat. I think that's it now I think I'm ready to go. I just cant cope with this. I am going to dangerously hurt myself tonight , might not be successful tonight but it's time to punish myself big time. Going to really do some damage.

I just see no reason to live anymore. Nothing. I don't want to do anything but lie in bed and drink myslef to an oblivion. I am excited for my fucking Friday psychiatrist appointments because I need his help but it's not enough. It isnt enough! I am wasting his time. Wasting the systems time. Wasting everyones time. I just want to fucking disappear and NOONE can make me think otherwise. I can't fucking cope anymore. I'm not me anymore.  Everything is too painful. It is too painful . Not sure what I'm even saying just typing what I think nor does anyone care either. Probably wasting all of your time as well writing g this.

I just think I'm done. Cannot wait to really hurt myself tonight got the tools at the ready  time to give myself what I fucking deserve.