I feel like because of my upbringing and how my live has unfolded I am potentially a great evil. I've had a post removed like two days ago because I wrote about my hallucinations and visions in which I slaughter myself and other people. 

No one has ever understood me

People on this sub Reddit have told me that I have something more than BPD

I've never had therapy or counseling in which I tell anyone any of this

I honestly feel like im not human sometimes 

Because I've never received or understood thinks like love, kindness and tenderness ect...

I haven't hanged myself in a while or attempted suicide which is good and the only thing I have to look forward to is the S9+, I got my first job at a grocery store so I can get it (im young)

At it's core I have a dream for everyone to feel what I am and to die I think.

I don't reject any bad thoughts because meditating doesn't help anymore 

My mind is so fucked 
 
So so so so fucked 

I can see how my body has started to well diterate because well my mind is never healthy

I don't have a hope for the future because I know as long as im like this I cant serve my God 

There are so many others things I could say but it would make this post massive

If evil exists than I am a candidate for it's next incarnation.