Hey guys,

Ive posted on here before about my infatuation with someone really close to my boyfriend. We'd already talked about it and its fine now.

At the time I would have some fantasies involving that person, which i found new and exciting. Since then ive been freaking out that having those fantasies was wrong and unfaithful. And now im just worried that im forming an emotional relationship with this guy (we talk fairly frequently online) and keep reliving conversations we've had trying to check whether i feel something there, or replaying fantasies ive had/new fantasies to make sure they dont arouse me/excite me (they dont, i just feel awful and uncomfortable afterwards). This keeps me up at night and plagues me throughout the day sometimes.

The fact is, i am idealizing him; i do that with all new friendships. I also always have an obsession with new friends' opinions of me and im interested in everything they say because its a whole new person and a new chance to get validation from someone, if that makes any sense.

I love my boyfriend and im not planning to cheat anytime soon (as in, ever) and i just want to potentially spend my life with him. But i just keep running through these 'what if' scenarios of 'if we breakup would i go after this other guy..' and i obsess over giving an answer to myself but i dont ever have one.

This post is a mess, im sorry, im just extremely stressed over this and im dying to get everything out in one post.