Hi.

I don't really know if it's even the right place, hell, that's the whole point technically.

I don't understand why I feel so miserable every single day. I have everything I could've wished for; college education, a family, a place to live, food, etc., so why do I feel so miserable? 

I manage to hide it, a bit too well it seems. Despite my outright obvious cues to my suicidal ideations, they just shrug it off. I don't understand why I feel this way and why one of the first thing I think when I wake up is just ending it all. I tried to get help from my GP but he spent an hour lecturing me on how finding a goal or whatever will help me, I don't know what to do, and I don't understand why everything's this way. I'm honestly lost, and I am really afraid that I'm going to do something I might regret later, or not. Is this even depression? I don't know, I feel lost, I feel awful, I don't want to do anything, I just want to give up, that's it I just want to abandon sorry if its a bit confusing I am not completely sober. sorry for making you lose your time

fuck.