This is my first post here, I hope it is appropriate.

I just came out of COVID-19 and a depressive episode, I felt very sad yet to a certain extent I enjoyed being calm, not being impulsive or jealous.  
Now I am out of it and the neurosis is back, the irritability, the anger, the anxiety, nervousness, impulsiveness and cringe.   


It makes me wish I was depressed all the time, I am tired of my volatile mind, I have advanced so much yet I feel its like fighting against the waves coming from the ocean.