Hey! Thank you if you're reading this, first of all :) 
So um, I've been in a relationship with this girl, J, for more or less 3 months. It's been official since yesterday. The problem is, I feel like complete shit because I only really like her when we're making out? I like the validation it brings me. I also really really like her when she makes me cry. 

She asked me to be her gf yesterday, and I said yes because I was with her and I got caught up in the moment...

I don't like her when I'm not with her. She kinda makes me sick. I kinda hate her, now I realize that's maybe because she's not paying attention to me. But then I'm with her and she's the most beautiful person I've ever seen and so kind and ugh I love her. But I don't? 

Should I break up with her? I feel like she deserves someone way better than me. But I don't want to leave her. I want to like her all the time... I don't want to take advantage of her, I don't want her to be my free pass to Validation TM. I want better for her. 

But she's not paying attention to me right now and I fucking hate her and jc I'm so selfish, I'm disgusting, I hate being like this

Please, please, what should I do? 