Hello everyone... what a night. I've been having panic attacks since I was around 19 y.o (I'm 26 y.o now) and is the worst feeling ever. And, what makes it worst? The situation I always have that pushes it to come out. 

I'm married since last summer, but being with my husband for 6 years. When I met him in University it was my first experience living outside and I had (before our relation) several days with bad panic attacks crying, being incapable to breath properly and lost. He was supportive, always, and when we moved out of our country everything was just fine... until last Christmas. It was WEIRD, no other possible word to describe it. My husband has lived back in my country for a few months to study, so I couldn't see him from September. I thought I was excited going back and seeing everybody, but when  I arrived home I felt my family was no longer my family, my husband was a stranger in my mind and I just wanted to be alone. As usual, my boy tried to give me some room and, step by step, he got closer to me. For that month, I was in and out, kinda feeling better than when I arrived... but still off. I had to come back and he had to stay there for a few more months, so we said goodbye in the airport with tears and I couldn't stop thinking how could I spent such a bad holiday and do that to my husband after all I love him and care him. 

After that, I've been perfect living again my daily life. Going work and counting in the calendar when will he come to visit me. Every time I saw a place that I liked, I could just take notes to go again there with my husband and... he said he's coming next week. For two weeks. I was happy. So, so happy I told everybody and is the perfect timing because I have holidays, so I can do tons of things with him again... and I had the panic attack last night. That's WHY I hate the situation why it comes. Why because of my husband? Is like my mind cannot accept changes and if I don't see him everyday when he comes back all fears come with him. I couldn't stop thinking how hard life is, the pressure living out of my country, far away from my family and the expectations around me: buy or rent a new place, have kids (thing that I started thinking is not the best idea with my "problem"...), what should I do the next years (if go back or stay living here...) 

I DO LOVE my husband, no doubt. I call him everyday, I always have him in mind and every time I talk to somebody is impossible for me not to mention him. People asked me if is because I do not longer love him but I'm having this even before we started dating... Maybe is just that, every time he comes, I just stuck my thoughts in a future that has not come yet. 

Anybody with the same situation? Would be really helpful even tho I don't wish this situation to anybody else.