Hi, I’ve been double diagnosed with Bipolar 2 and BPD. I always wondered if I was misdiagnosed but I had a train of flashbacks today that made me realise that I’m far from questioning it.

Today morning I raged out after my brother used my beard trimmer to cut his hair. (This might sound silly but I don’t like sharing certain stuff with other people especially things that could spread skin diseases as I’m easily prone to it) And when I told my dad about it, he acted very cool and said it was no big deal which made me even more furious and punch him in the fucking face. But no, I didn’t. Instead I yelled on top of my lungs, audible enough for my neighbours who lived two blocks away. As soon as I was done screaming, I went upstairs to my room to see where my trimmer was and guess what? It was neatly packed inside the box like I always do except that the entire box was filled with his fucking hair. Motherfucker didn’t even bother to clean it. 

THAT. WAS. IT. 

THAT. 
WAS. 
IT. 

I lost my shit and shattered it into bits and pieces. I kicked the fucking door and jumped on the bed trying hard not to burn the house down. I was on full rage mode and I knew I would end up beating up anybody who crossed my way atm. I felt an enormous amount of energy inside my body and the urge to break every fucking thing inside the house. I tried some EFT to calm myself down. I don’t know if it was placebo since it was my first time doing it but it kind of helped me reduce my anger. The entire time I kept thinking of how I wanted to punch my brother in the face and beat him to death. It was unforgivable.

For a while my thoughts were all gibberish and made no sense. I was going completely crazy and realised quitting my medication was a bad fucking idea. I started getting reminded of every shitty stuff I’ve done in the past even screaming at my ex-girlfriend in public and making her uncomfortable. I’ve broke a lot of properties, both mine as well as others and I’ve got in a lot of trouble. All this made me realise that I had actually been sick the entire time and I was not aware of it. Finally, I broke down and sunk into my pillow for a while until I fell asleep. 

When I woke up, I’m still the same. 

Is this ever gonna end or am I doomed for life?