idk man last few years been tough to deal with 

all was fine until college began

i truly made my first best friend during the first year of college unfortunately he passed later that year and that was definitely a hard time still miss that man

other than that my mental has been decaying and these last 2 years have been the worst

i remember being so depressed that my body constantly felt like it was being weighed down and when i took a bite of food one time it had no taste at all my appetite got significantly lower too and it wasn’t even on purpose either

schools been tough too i really do try my hardest only to end up with below average grades 

that makes me feel so dumb and stupid and ashamed that my parents have a son who can’t do good at school i really feel like i’m letting them down big time 

even attempting to talk to my parents about even the slightest thing makes me so anxious my heart starts racing cuz i feel like they’ll just yell at me or something 

i say i hate them but i don’t i have respect for them i feel for them and it just sucks that i’m letting them down

only thing about me and relationships is that idk i’ll find someone to talk to and it’ll go well for a while and then out of nowhere the girl will stop talking to me even after showing interest and idk if i did anything wrong so the last thing i tell them is “i’m sorry”

there’s probably more i wanted to say but i can’t even think straight so this is all there is so far i guess

i hope everything gets better 

every time i’m hopeful sometimes even that doesn’t turn out well

who knows man we’ll see 

and if you actually read this then thanks i guess and also i’m sorry idk