I have managed to utterly disappoint my entire family and destroy my trust with them. Suspended from university because I couldn't even bring myself to leave my dorm, and I somehow managed to keep this for 2 months during my second semester, barely living, and only buying food when my stomach starts hurting. Got called a parasite by my older sibling, saying that I am basically an ungrateful and entitled child living off of my parent's money and support. I want to change it somehow, but everytime i just give into hopelessness and it gets worse. At this point, shes probably right about me being useless and nothing more than a burden to my family.

Intrusive suicidal thoughts lives in my head rent-free, I can't even speak properly without thinking like a snail, anxiety is like my only friend and i feel like I am just a narcissist who is actually lazy and using depression to mask my joke of a life. 

I have hit a new low in my life, and its all because of me. 

Sorry you had to read this, maybe I am finally deseprate enough to let someone online know my thoughts before my family, or I am just delusional.