I had a two breakdowns at work since lockdown has started. The pandemic has really fucked with us all in many ways. We started lockdowns march 2020 and our office moved to wfh since then (very corporate). I also live in Minneapolis, about 6-7 blocks away from where George Floyd was killed. Right in front of the building where I volunteer and had an internship during school. It all was too much on top of it all work stress was piling up and I just could not do it. During all that I cried in front of my coworkers just talking and just an anxious mess furious at the state of the world. Now that we’re starting to work hybrid it’s so awkward. We are just supposed to act normal? I feel so awkward and anxious around these people. They treat me like I’m so fragile. I’m beating myself up for not keeping a poker face but I know that’s not fair at all. 

I’m seeking advice on how to move forward without beating myself up about it. 

I understand that I need space to discuss racially charged conversations. I volunteer and am on a committee at the non profit mentioned above. I just feel really out of place at the job. I’m good at what I do but I feel like I can’t connect with those I work for