Andy told me I’m never happy and Sid told me it’s always negative. I never realized how much my persona came off as negative. I don’t think I’ll ever understand why I’m so short tempered, negative, sad, angry, self-hating. It’s like I feel as if everyone deserves to see my pain through any anger towards them when they never deserve it. I don’t know when this started happen. All this anger and sadness. I know I’ve always been strong headed but I didn’t think I was such a negative person. The person I believe that I am is sweet, soft, kind, sensitive, loving, but I guess I’m far from that. I believe I am those things because thats what I want to be. Maybe I am the problem and I don’t know how to fix it. I need to grow, I need to change. My ex had also said the same thing, always told me “you always say you’re happy but you only ever listen to depressing ass music, I know you’re never truly happy.” It hurts to think that’s what people think of me. I don’t know how to change it? I’ve tried so hard to not be that person. I’ve gone to therapy, I’m on Zoloft, I’ve mediated, gone to church, I’ve journaled, I have done so much to help myself grow and change. It’s not enough and now I’m feeling like I’m going to spiral because of it.