I have severe Relationship Anxiety and ROCD, and am also getting more and more depressed. Yesterday we met up and it was alright, but then our conversation moved in a wrong direction because we realized some things we do can't seem to be fixed. It felt horrible. It felt like no way out. 
It's important to know that we already broke up half a year ago for a month, but got back together. 
One very specific problem of ours are her parents, they are kind of strict and my gf is pretty scared to talk to them about sex etc. That has always been a major conflict.
At this point we also realized that out dates are often boring.
It went on and I had a bad anxiety attack and felt like this will be the last time a would have hugged her or kissed her.
Then the mood got a bit better we talked about many things. 

My gf has always been pretty bad at talking about her emotions. She doesn't like it, it's making her uncomfortable. But then she told me that she isn't really alright most of the time, something I suspected some time now, but couldn't seem to get it out of her. Well, everything she told me sounds like depression. Maybe more of a mild case, but either way.
She doesn't want to see a therapist, because she doesn't want to talk to a stranger about her problems and stuff, and I get it, many people take some time to realize that they can't keep it up on their own.

I've been incredibly anxious since then, scared to break up, scared that I wanna break up, scared that she leaves. The whole package.

Today I realized that I didn't manage to get over my emotional dependency to her.
I crave for her attention, for example, I tell her jokes that aren't that funny, not because I think they're pretty funny but because I feel the need to get a positive feedback from her. 
I also always wanna kiss her, and that annoys her sometimes when she's not in a good mood, but I realized that's also me craving to be validated. It's not just me wanting to kiss her, but it feels like a need.

While we got our problems, I think my dependency on her is the biggest one.
Our other problems don't seem to have a real reason, it's weird, but I think it's the pressure of my dependency.

I don't know what's gonna happen, whether she will break up with me the next time we meet, but I try to convince myself that I can't change anything on her side. I just gotta hope and wait.


I needed to get this off my chest, thanks to anybody who read this.