I'm fucking tired. Every single thing seems like a nightmare. I can't even go to sleep or take a nap without thinking about what my loved ones are doing and if they don't hate me already. I can't spend 5 minutes without looking at my phone because if I ignore one text from my friends they'll hate me forever. I can't even enjoy a movie or have time for myself because I feel like I don't deserve it and my only purpose is to serve other people so they don't hate me because I'm nothing without them. I'm tired of the fact that every little thing feels like a battle. Trying to focus on studying or doing homework is awful because I can't think about anything else besides trying to make my friends not hate me. I can't have a good time thinking about all the people who left me and how I deserved it and how I must be a shit person and that's why they left. I can't let toxic people go because I feel like I'm a terrible person if I don't want to talk to them. It's exhausting being scared of love instead of looking for it, and then ending up being toxic without even realizing it. I'm just tired. I'm tired of having panic attacks everytime my friends text me in a different typing style. I'm EXHAUSTED of feeling like I'm no one without other people's approval, of feeling like I don't deserve a healthy sleeping schedule or any kind of a healthy lifestyle because all I should do is rot. I hate it and I'm tired. Sometimes I want to give up so bad but a small part of me still has hope and I'm trying to hold on to it as much as I can.