This probably the longest I have gone with out sex or any contact , I’m way to busy or just want to be alone half the time , since my last relationship i don’t trust women anymore I’m scared and I’m just hurt I’m deeply ruined to the core . I thought I found something special , just to be disappointed again and even worse than my marriage , I don’t trust anyone I’m mentally fucked and on top of that I’m dealing with legal issues now that are affecting me and health issues that are slowing me down , people don’t understand that you could really fuck someone up by doing the things you do , I have never been this depressed in my life , I don’t want kill myself but I also don’t want to be alive . My health Ian the greatest so hopefully that takes care of it and I hope it’s soon . I have isolated myself from everyone and family I’m embarrassed to show my face to anyone all I get is you look very skinny are you ok and sort of shit I use to be 168 pounds I’m about 135 right now I have been drinking heavily from the morning I wake up until I sleep I don’t want to remember anything but it makes it worse , life has taught me that when you are at your lowest that’s when u see the real ones . And thanks to that I have learned that Ian alone . Im going to delete all my social media today and stop posting on here thank everyone on here for the nice messages and the help I really appreciate it . signing off

-Sal