It feels like I am just barely floating in a pool with rocks tied to my legs. Like its enough weight that its a struggle but one that can be done. Maybe not quite drowning, but like a tin can has been plunged into the middle of my chest.

I keep posting here because it is coming back. Slowly but surly its coming back. I dont want it back. I dont want to feel depressed anymore. Fuck this feeling.

I used to think that anyone whop was depressed just had to work through it but, FUCK, I was so wrong. I dont do anything and it comes back. Id do anything to go back two years even three so I wouldnt feel like this. Its bullshit. 

Putting on a facade so no one will question you, its exhausting. Ive always hated talking, not talking about something specific but just in general. I can do it I just choose not to, but now it is like a fucking chore just to get a sentence out.

I am trying to understand and live with my new hostile mind but I dont know. I just want something final. Something to solve this stupid in me. I am trying antidepressants but, I dont think they work. Its been three or four months I dont know anymore.

Its not getting better, I am feeling worse than a month ago but I am not at an all time low yet. Reason: I am still able to work, eat and sleep.