I might borderline break Rule 11, so here's an instant disclaimer that I'm not trying to do that here.

Writing is the one single thing I'm good at. Professional letters, essays, academic theses, non-fiction, fiction, poems. You name it, I can write it. My skill has improved over time because I (20F) have spent most of my life just... writing.

My family went through a self-inflicted financial crisis that has ultimately affected my life. The only thing I had that I could hold on to for about a solid decade was a laptop, which wasn't even mine to begin with.

I used writing to cope with what I didn't have, and what I wished I would have had. 20,000 reads on Wattpad isn't much, in comparison to people my age who have experienced having millions of reads. But that always made me feel prideful. So I kept doing it. And I got even better at it when I started doing it for other people.

Now that I'm 20, I look at writing with a mix of nostalgia and a greater portion of disgust.

I wanted to play the guitar. I wanted to play video games. I wanted to play on the school's volleyball team. I wanted a life in high school that I could consider mine. I could not afford to buy a guitar, a gaming rig or console, nor the jerseys I would have had to wear to represent my school.

I graduated as the studious, feisty girl who writes really, REALLY well instead. Still a big feat. But she's absolutely not who I wanted to be.

Now that we're probably electing the son of a past dictator as our next president (didn't vote for him, BTW,) "the life that I want to live" seems so much farther from my reach now. Just when I thought I had it.

I know that we all get drawn to what feels like our intrinsic purpose in life. That's exactly why I'm very concerned that I am drawn to absolutely nothing right now.

Thanks for hearing me out.