A couple of days ago my fp asked for a call at night, like we do every night and around the time that it came for us to call, she just didn’t call. I have an irrational fear of texting and calling people, so I just suspected that maybe she switched (she has DID) or fell asleep and didn’t try to contact her at all. Later on my other friend asked for a call, so I just decided to have a call with her that night.

For some context my fp is in a group chat with some of her other friends that I’m not friends with. For some reason they kept harassing my friend to join a call and kept ringing her. Me and her decided it might be funny for next time they ring her for her to join and then add me to call so we can annoy them for a few minutes and then we would leave and go back to our call alone. 

Awhile later they rang her again and we both joined and I saw my fp was in the call. I immediately left when I noticed her in there. I don’t know why she would do that. She was the one who asked to call me and she didn’t even tell me later on that she couldn’t call anymore, I felt really abandoned and alone. Out of impulse I blocked her.

As I continued to have a break down my friend kept texting me about stuff that was happening in that call and she kept talking me to join, I got pissed, so I blocked her too. That part that’s really messing with me is the fact that I just been waiting for my fp to contact some other and ask me if I’m ok and it just hasn’t happened. I have no idea if she actually even cares about me and I don’t know why I want her to even contact me if I still feel so hurt by her. Apart of me doesn’t even know what I would do if she ever did try to contact me, whether I would tell the truth as to why I blocked her or just make it seem like some completely different breakdown irrelevant to what happened. I just need her to contact me again, I can’t lose her. I wish I was just more mentally stable and I wish had other friends that I could talk to, but I blocked everybody. I really needed to vent, I’m sorry if this didn’t make sense.