Hi all - First time poster on this sub. I’ve always experienced general anxiety and especially some form of attachment or abandonment anxiety. After breakups (I’m 50 and have had many) I go straight into high-alert terror and panic mode (Is this fight/flight gone haywire?). 
It takes months to come down from that state and then I’m somewhat “stable” until next relationship (also anxious while in relationships too of course). This is why I started taking medication (SSRI, SNRI’s) which mostly blunted the anxious effects. Over the course of time I’ve been on meds I
I’ve stopped a few times, braved the side-effects and I would be steady for a couple months. Like clockwork around the three month period my anxiety (with all the wonderful depressing, hopeless thoughts) would return and I’d be back in that adrenaline-coursing-through-my-body state all day.  
I’ve been in regular therapy, active participant in 12-step program with well over two decades of sobriety, meditator…WTF is wrong with me?
I stopped meds (Effexor and Wellbutrin) in June because they weren’t helping and I felt great for a month or so until the familiar descent returned. How could I go from feeling calm and confident to suicidal so quickly? Does this sound like anyone else out there?