Today was the first day I hurt my best friends feelings after a year of friendship. We were supposed to hang out online and watch movies like we do every Tuesday and today she decided to play a game with someone else even though she said she’d watch stuff with me. It hurt my feelings but I choked them down and just kinda tried listening to them hang out. 

Later on, the other person left and she came back to me asking if I wanted to watch something and I tried poking fun and saying “oh nowwww you wanna hang out”. She asked what I meant and I said I was happy she was having fun but I was disappointed.... this really upset her because she thought she really hurt me even though I kept saying I was okay. I could hear the quiver of sadness in her voice and it broke my heart and I kept trying to fix it but started to stumble over my words. She left to process her feelings and I’ve just been left here sitting in dark silence replaying every wrong word I said. I feel so terrible; she’s gone through so much and I’m usually the person she can talk to at all times and now I’ve become an added source of sadness for her. This sucks so very much and I feel like crying and screaming. I feel nauseous.