I feel like two different people.When I’m around others, I smile and try to be social but when I get to my room or I am around people who know my situation (like my therapist), I just turn back to my normal self. It’s getting exhausting to be two different personas and it’s getting harder to keep up the facade. I have no friends but I’m friendly towards everybody. It looks like I’m popular but I can never get past surface level  friendships and get to know someone. Whenever I try to get to know someone or open up about my struggles, I get dropped and people call me overbearing or too much or intense. Have I not met the right people or am I the problem. The cycle of losing people because of my mental health struggles keeps repeating itself. I’m just so tired of everything. I want to go back to being the happy kid I was when I was 10. Where did that kid go and why am I like this now?? I am forgetting what it feels like to truly laugh or be happy. I can’t enjoy anything anymore and nothing actually makes me happy. It’s just fake smiles I keep showing to people so that they think I’m alright and don’t push me away.