when i was 16 and undiagnosed i had the most wonderful, pure, incredible relationship with the boy i had been in love with since the first day of secondary school. he was always aware that i was unwell, and he was so supportive, but i was undiagnosed and very lost within myself. he made me feel so comfortable that i’d project my feelings on to him none stop, and at the time i didn’t realise how much of a toll it was taking on him. we never argued, he never annoyed me, he never once mistreated me and to this day i still have never found somebody who understood me better than him. about a year into the relationship, he lost his grandad, and around that time of the year i was so unbelievably unwell, in and out of A&amp;E every couple of weeks, being ignored by the crisis team and my parents, but i wanted so hard to be there for him. after he lost his grandad it all started to go downhill. i started to feel like i couldn’t burden him with my issues so i just let it build up and grew even more impulsive and suicidal but tried to keep it under the surface. i started to get this nagging feeling that he didn’t want to be with me anymore and a week later he broke up with me. we didn’t argue, he told me straight that he loved me but he couldn’t be with me anymore, and it tore my heart in two. this was almost three years ago and i still think about him every day. i am in a new relationship now, and it’s absolutely wonderful, but i can’t ever shake the thought that he could just decide he doesn’t want me anymore and leave. when i was very young (14-15) i was also in a very abusive (physically and mentally) relationship. i’m a hopeless romantic, i date to marry, but i feel like nobody else in my generation (i’m 19 nearing 20) sees it that way. if this relationship goes wrong i genuinely can’t see how i would survive it. my heart could not take being broken again. i don’t want this paranoia to drive him away so i try to keep it hidden. he knows about my past trauma with dating and is very understanding, as he too has been cheated on and abused. but i’m just so terrified of losing him i don’t know how to deal with it.