im 23 years old from morocco i had a childhood trauma and at 17 i went to university and started studying i liked a girl the way i acted towards her was like neurotic i was like she will not like me im not good enough and i acted in a weird way that made her leave. thats for all the girls that i talked too i talk and in real life i dont say hi its like i was shy and weird . i started going to the gym i had like gynecomastia so i did some steroids to get rid of it. i dont know that if it was a factor as well that got me ill . well the degree consits of 3  years i passed the first and second but the last i got stuck in it . anyway i was always saying im i homosexual because of the childhood trauma ... i always had a scalp problem during these years went to doctors used treatments without results . third year in university i didnt pass the semester so i quit the second semester i started hunging out with some friends i was so depressed that i told them lets smoke weed i smoked like 4 joints in 4 months ... but it made me ill like a psychotic episode well that when the fourth year in university started and i like a girl again she rejected me , i was so hurt because of it . the friends i thought were friends started bullying me with their words . i failed that semester again and quit the second half of the year i did go to the psychiatrist but i took rhe meds for like 15 days and quit... one of my friends went to germany one went to korea i was alone during corona always suffering always hurt because i failed to take the degree for 2 years. the fifth year i came back switched to literature and started studying i met a friend he tried to help me with studies i went to a psychiatrist and he gave me solian 200mg i took it for 8 months while taking it passed 4 subjects out of 6 and the second half of the year i was so depressed that i didnt understand what i was studying i was thinking of going to spain ilegaly to save my safe find a job or something... july 2021 i went to study german hoping to forget about university and everything my father used to tell me you will not succeed you are a loser. i like some girls in the class but i was shy to say hi i was so obese from 87 i went to 115kg because of solian . well i wasnt confident even when i was lean i guess.after one month and a half in german center i quit i was so depressed hopeless i was saying i will not make it in the german exams and i will not go to germany i cant blame myself i was depressed after quiting i went to psychiatrist she said i had ocd and depression gave me medication and the therapist which is another psychologist i went to told me i had schizoid personality disorder ... after going to see the psychiatrist for few times she told me that i have histrionic personality disorder ... this year i came back to university passed the 2 subjects left but in the final semester i used to go to classes even i was depressed but i feel like i cant concentrate nor understand its like i can understand but feel like i cant understand i only study english literature novels and poems and when i ty to read a novel i start having conversations in my head my father still tells me i dont listen to him i dont want to study i chose this. i dont know what to do now i feel lost ...