It’s really funny how despite being at the worst point of my life and absolutely miserable, I’m expected to do crap like school and work so well. I’m supposed to get good grades, which I do, and be a good worker and all this other bullshit that I don’t give a fuck about. I get no positive benefits from this shit and I don’t get to have the enjoyable experiences my peers have, just the bad stuff and worse. Somehow I have kept pushing through it and attempting to make myself happier along the way and get friends and stuff but that hasn’t worked despite all my efforts. However, when I start missing too much school or don’t want to work that’s a big problem. Do all of the things I have pushed through despite my state not matter, but my shortcomings do? How is it that I seem to get less understanding from everybody despite having serious mental issues than regular people get? I’m so fucking done doing all this worthless bullshit and receiving no fucking empathy or care from anyone despite how hard i try to give it to them. From all my good grades and effort in school I can think of very very little that it has done for me and it likely won’t do much for me in the future either. I have good grades, but I don’t have any skills really or passions so I will probably be fucked career wise if I don’t kill myself by then. I also have pretty much no social connections or genuine friends despite how hard I try. So yeah, I did pretty much all the things that are supposed to make you turn out ok but look where I’m at. These things wouldn’t be as much of an issue if I wasn’t plagued by mental illness because at least then I could probably still be somewhat happy. But yeah, looks like a lot of the people who are living great lives are assholes, people with shit grades, and attractive people who have nothing else other than looks. 

Yeah don’t know what else to say. Just really wanted to write this disorganized rant because I’m fucking livid. You can call me a cynic or pathetic or something idgaf. Probably true anyway