I relied a lot on the accounts here to give me an idea of what it’s like on meds. I hope this helps someone one day if they were scared of taking meds like I was. This is just my experience so please take it with a grain of salt as yours might be very different.

Context:
- 30s, F
- historically sensitive to small doses of Valium 
- pandemic exacerbated GAD
- GAD for as long as I can remember
- have trouble making basic decisions like deciding what to order for takeaway 
- Therapy, including CBT for last 10 years
- put off medication until now for fear of dependence and side effects

Goal:
- undo conditioning of anxiety driven behaviours 

Experience

Day 1:
- anxiety break down before taking first tablet
- took before bed, with piece of bread
- woke up with anxiety and strong stomach pains
- following morning, woke up feeling detached and numb, felt “nothing” for son and husband
- as day progressed the numb feeling slowly subsided 
- no intrusive thoughts but felt horrible, did not like being so numb
- was convinced that I wanted to stop the meds
- very drowsy the whole day
- by evening, felt “normal” 
- no appetite 

Day 2:
- dizziness, stomach pain / cramp, headache
- very drowsy (slept great though)
- woke up feeling very normal
- small pangs of anxiety throughout
- still got intrusive thoughts 
- weirdly felt normal to the point of wondering if I didn’t actually take my dose
- appetite low, no chocolate / specific food cravings (usually need a chocolate a day and crave junk food)
- craved oatmeal?????

Day 3:
- less dizziness 
- slept great despite work triggers (usually have insomnia during those days)
- only a handful of stomach cramps which I could sleep through
- woke up feeling normal again
- tired but had coffee
- appetite low, easily full, no craving for any food

Day 4:
- no dizzinesss
- no perceptible stomach pains 
- went to work, felt normal as in still got some anxiety but not more or less than usual 
- intrusive thoughts came and went which was different (didn’t ruminate as much)
- appetite low, easily full, no craving for any food
- slept great

Day 5:
- no dizzinesss
- no stomach pains 
- went to work, felt slightly different - more sure of myself in small ways
- no intrusive thoughts
- appetite low, easily full, no craving for any food
- low anxiety
- slept great
- thoughts that usually upset me not triggering any emotional responses 



Day 6:
- no dizzinesss
- no stomach pains 
- went to work, felt very confident (never happens)
- no intrusive thoughts
- appetite low, easily full, no craving for any food
- no anxiety
- slept great 
- thoughts that usually upset me not triggering any emotional responses 

Day 7:
- no dizzinesss
- no stomach pains 
- went to work, felt very confident (never happens)
- no intrusive thoughts
- appetite low, easily full, no craving for any food
- no anxiety
- self congratulated when I did great work (giving myself credit is something I have always struggled with, no thoughts of self doubt that usually happens)
- felt very happy
- thoughts that usually upset me not triggering any emotional responses 
- slept great