I made some new friends on the internet. But i start to notice that i'm falling back into an old and bad habbit. My thoughts make me question myself and my friends. The thoughts makes me so sad and when i start feeling negative things, i used to let go before i get hurt. But i'm not ready to let go now i don't want to run away anymore. They are good people and its not their fault its just my thoughts yelling stuff at me and i start to believe it. I'm still with them but it hurts every time and it just repeats over and over again. I'm too anxious to ask them what they really feel. If they really see me as a friend. If i mean anything to them. If they've forgotten about me. If they care about me. I rarely have or keep friends. Maybe because i'm too scared to be in a relationship. Maybe its because i'm selfish. And before i become even more selfish, i could mess everything up, I thought i should become less dependent on my friends and still being on their side but distant. By doing that i thought i could join a dnd group but i'm scared to do that. Maybe because i watched too many horror movies. I don't know them. Maybe i should just do it but maybe i shouldn't. I thought about bringing someone with me along but who would go with me? I have no friend in person. I'm just stuck and confused by my own thoughts. Idk what to do anymore. Why am i like this