its all been a build up and last night i finally snapped and attacked my FP's boyfriend.

He was emotionally and sometimes physically abusing him and they were both staying with me for quarantine and i was just seeing it happen right in front of my face - because he would do it with absolutely no shame. 

So last night, we were all a bit drunk and my FP was very drunk and was throwing up, hugging the toilet bowl. We've all been there, but this got his boyfriend mad because 'he just wanted a good night' and so he just said 'fuck this' and walked out of the house.

My FP was then sobbing and repeating that he's just not good enough and it broke my heart because he is worth so much fucking more. (also note that my FP is my best friend and we used to date and recently we've been hooking up with each other behind his BF's back). 

So when his boyfriend finally does return and just expect my FP to run out to him like a puppy, i snap. I've never been a violent person and so i have no fucking idea why i got like this, or how to control it. My FP was trying to hold me back but i didnt care - i went completely crazy on this guy. Now, im a 5'2 girl and he's a pretty big guy so im not much of a match for him and he knows how to overpower me (because he has in the past, but thats another story). 

But in the end my FP ended up leaving with his boyfriend as i was screaming at them down the road and now im all alone and my thoughts are still psychotic and im so fucking worried for my FP because i know his boyfriend will never let him see me again and i cant protect him. 

I've never been a physically violent person but something in me just wanted to hurt that guy very fucking badly.