One moment the self acceptance, positivity and motivational quotes are dominant. The next, I feel like a damn ant under a microscope squirming from humiliation and self hate. I start thinking about how my crush has seen a lot of cool things on the internet and how my Tik Toks are trash. How annoying I must be in front of my friends. I start to compare myself to the very best out there, whether it's fitness, beauty, art, intellect. And I start thinking of all the ways I could never measure up and how he would never want me compared to everyone else out there. 

All the motivating phrases like "Well just try to be the best version of YOU. Work on yourself" aren't helping right now. Because I'm so depressed I can barely pull myself out of bed or manage to force down cheese it's. I have diagnosed PTSD, depression, and anxiety on top of social anxiety. I think the self hate that shows up in waves is making it worse. I'm tired of feeling awesome one moment and then so undesirable, unwanted, unable to measure up and cringe the next moment.