I just need some hugs? Encouragement? This week has been the week from hell. My depression has been flaring up over the last few months, pretty badly. So this week my doctor decided that I had been on Zoloft for 2+ years so maybe I was too use to it? So started me on, Prozac? Lower dose, and just nah bro.

Changed medicine on Wednesday, I think I cried 4 times yesterday, and I'm usually really good at keeping myself together in front of people. Also being irrationally angry about stuff. Whoo, that's fun. I'm also anxious cause I work for my city, in the utilities so I have to take a phone every so many weeks to answer after hours calls. Angry customers/Panicked/emergencies etc. And it's been ringing way too much for my anxiety.

Then at the beginning of this week my husband hurt himself, took him to the doctor Tuesday and turns out he has a stress fracture in his foot. His job is 90% standing so we figured he would end up not working, but nah, his bosses first question was "You're still coming in tomorrow right?" so I have to help him emotionally, physically, even when I feel like I have nothing else to give.

OH not to mention I got tested for COVID for the THIRD TIME. Negative, but only because I had a headache and my body runs warm so when they tested my temperature it was 99.0. So that's great.

So we live in an apartment without laundry so we take ours to a laundromat once a week, which my husband usually does cause he works less hours than me. But now that he's hurt, and I'm on call. I asked my mom if she could help and she agreed and asked if there was anything else we needed, nope, we got it handled. I can do it next week when I don't have the possibility of being called away at any moment for any length of time. 

So my husband is really bad at being the patient, he's great at helping other people out but when it comes to him, he's bad at asking for help. So when he called me Wednesday asking for help getting food, I dropped everything and went to help him with my bosses permission. And even that I was getting judged on by coworkers, and apparently my mother. Because when I dropped off our laundry I got to hear about how great her relationship with my one sister is, and how she vented to her about how I was babying my husband and he was an adult. And I literally cried when I got to my car, because ya know, anxiety and feeling like you make the wrong choices all the time.

And to TOP IT ALL OFF, today I drive around for work this morning, got myself some breakfast when I was done to bring back to my office before my meeting in a few hours, and while I'm parking my work car in the garage and balancing crap heading inside. The on call phone rings, and while I'm negotiating everything I end up dumping my food on the ground, and my drink on top of it. I'm surprised I didn't have a break down right then and there. On the bright side a coworker came up and helped me, and after I got myself cleaned up (did I mention I got it all over myself too) and replaced my food and drink went out to clean up the garage to find the puddle was 1/4th the size and all the ice was gone. So he must have cleaned it up which was nice of him.

So yeah, just a hell of a week to change medications, I'm overwhelmed, my anxiety is 112 out of 10, and I am nauseous and hurting all over. Now excuse me while I hide in my office and have a nervous breakdown.

&amp;#x200B;

j-j