I was diagnosed with bpd two years ago after hitting rock bottom. Id just been dumped by my bf of 7 years, sexually assaulted by a tinder date, and was going through hell at my fashion job (it was doing something i went to school for and had been there for three years. There was a major staff change and i started getting bullied, was working ALL  the time and missed out on so many weekends/holidays/events. My mental health has literally never been worse than when i was working that job). I ended up quitting at the urging of my therapist.

Since then i am now in a very healthy, stable relationship with an amazing guy and we are living together. I was working a job at a clinic but i found all my issues with my last job creeping back (felt alienated by my coworkers, felt burnt out easily, felt angry and resentful all the time). I was laid off because of covid so for the last 6 months ive been applying to jobs and writing (which is basically my therapy). I wrote a bunch of short stories and a novel and was told by an old writing teacher to get an agent and see about getting published. Great, except i know ill only make peanuts plus my bf doesnt really support me sitting around and writing all day (understandable). He was able to help me get a job at his old work and i hate it. The mornings are super early, the hours are long, its in a very technical feild i know nothing about. I come home and im too tired/overwhelmed to cook or shower let alone write. My boss, my bfs friend, is incredibley rude and condescending and i feel if my bf wasnt my bf theyd have fired me already. Im also getting that same feeling of being alienated/judged by my coworkers. They are super harsh to clients behind their backs so now im constantly worried what they say about me. Im also judged if i dont stay late or if i ask for a day off.  My bf doesnt want me to quit because he thinks it will look good on my resume plus its very important to him i have a career (understandable) but i honestly feel so miserable. Its like my brain is so messed up and while most people can easily hold down jobs, i get so anxious  and paranoid my mental health gets flushed down the toilet.