DAE go through a stage where you feel you have it together, you publicly manage your symptoms so they don't effect others, you deal with yourself, you make progress and then it all just disappears.


I was doing so well. For myself and others. It was noticed and acknowledged. I felt proud and good.
One day it just started slipping inside my head. Outwardly I was still fine but I knew I wasn't really. Internally I was getting bad again. I have the mask of it all being together but it's not and I know it's starting to show.

 Honestly I just kinda want to let the darkness take me and drown me because trying to maintain being okay is exhausting and pulling myself out is just beyond my capacity right now. I've been holding on to the thought that it will eventually get better again but I have no idea if or when that may be... I no longer have anyone close to me who understands and I've tried to talk to others but am met with the usual clichéd answers that never seem relevant..

After making so much progress to be back here is such a kick. Makes me question why I worked so damn hard because now I have further to fall. And I always fall...

Thank you, if you read my vent, thank you for this safe space.