I talked to my therapist about feeling so unconnected with my boyfriend and feeling more like roommates and she said once I felt even the spark of closeness to hold onto it and to “water it and let that relationship/bind thrive”. So two days ago we finally had sex after several months of not wanting to/not being interested/arguing/depression. I took this as my spark and I ran with it. I was excited to be affectionate and lovey and I felt like what I got back in return was annoyance and a wall. He wasn’t into it, he was just going through motions with me and I Felt embarrassed and rejected. When I voiced these emotions and feelings to him he avoided contact and didn’t say a word. I’m now in our bedroom upset and feeling rejected, which makes me feel aggressively suicidal because he is ignoring me to watch a football game. I know he’s a great, sweet, patient guy who loves me, who struggles with affection and even words. I know that he isn’t good with being overly loving with me. But I need more. Im putting in effort when It’s hard/I’m fighting my own demons. I want to kill myself every time I’m shoved away. I feel discarded and unimportant