I knew today was not going to go well. In July I contacted my GP because my depression had reared it’s ugly head again. She prescribed me a small dose of antidepressants and said she will call in a few weeks. Well my stupid BPD brain told me I could handle it without medication so I just left it in my work desk draw. Obviously it only got worse from there with the pressures of working in healthcare during a global pandemic. Yesterday I done some serious self harm yesterday in a work bathroom but hid it with my wrist strap and used the pain from the pressure to carry myself through the day. I had my work appraisal today, I managed to get a bit of a heads up with the general direction it was heading from my manager and she mentioned a piece of work that had gotten sloppy in the last 2 weeks as my mental health took a serious dip which she kinda knew about. Well during my appraisal I kept scratching at one of my cuts to keep myself stable but I slipped a bit and mentioned over the last few weeks things in my personal life have been effecting my work. So now me and my manager will be meeting tomorrow morning. 
The worst part of all of this is I filled out a self referral for therapy an hour before my appraisal because I knew I’m heading towards a full breakdown it has been 2 years since my last so I’m right on schedule lol