I just turned 28 (F) a few days ago, spending my birthday in the hospital with my fiancé. It was the first time in my entire life my parents did not bother to reach out to tell me happy birthday. I’ve been fighting with my mother, because she tries to control my life and my decisions and goes to extremes to try and break my fiancé and I up. I finally stood up for myself and she told me she doesn’t even know who I am, who her own daughter is anymore. My father always takes her side and doesn’t stand up for me or himself either. I feel so alone. I have no sense of self whatsoever and it’s hard for me to try and find my “voice” after growing up catering to my mothers emotions and expectations. I feel broken inside and at times like everything around me isn’t real. I feel like this version I thought who I was is wrong and this happiness I continuously strive for will never happen. Maybe I am not a good person and a horrible daughter. Everything I think of myself comes from everyone else’s opinions, and I just wish I could get a grasp on me as a person and do things I want to do. I don’t even know what that would be. Sometimes I wish I could run away to another state and change all my contact information and be alone.

Thanks for letting me rant.