So on December me and my family (hubby, 2 babies) are going to my hubby's good friend graduation. It's 12hrs from us and I'm dreading going because all of his great friends will be there, and they include girls. I'm extremely insecure and asides from that my bpd makes me extremely jealous. How can I prevent myself from feeling that way or numb myself down? I know it will be uncomfortable for me to be there but my hubby really wants us to meet these friends as a family and my stupid fkn bpd just makes me dread meeting people who asides from being strangers are strangers my basically fp cherishes a lot. I know I'm a fkn asshole for not seeing how happy this  will make him but I don't want to be this way. I wish I was as happy as him to go but even then, this shit is in Alabama and with all those close strangers to him. I've thought of skipping but my codependency and intrusive thoughts, anxiety makes me even more nuts. I guess I'm just venting guys i have no one to talk to, never had a close relationship to my parents and never had friendships, idk how I  came across the most amazing extrovert but I did and I hate that I can only communicate shit to him cause I'm sure he gets tired of hearing me out. He's never said so but everyone has a limit. Feeling so defeated rn, I wish I was fucking different