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Background 27F, Florida, Vaccinated, Previous infection January 2021

So when the pandemic first really started, I didnt think too much about it. I was still careful but got lazy. Thats when I got it from my previous job. I wad scared shitless, but honestly had sinus infections that took me out worse. My personal experience. I was also 4 months pregnant. My daughter was just born in June, and now here comes big bad Delta. It has sent my anxiety out of control. I dont want to call myself with OCD, but I am apparently doing OCD like behaviors. 

1) I was my hands constantly. Sure thats a good thing, but I mean its to the point my knuckles are cracked and bleeding. After I touch ANYTHING. 

2) I wear a mask except when Im sleeping, even at home. Every tickle, sneeze, burning in my nose etc, Im convinced I have it. Ive been professionally tested 5 times since August 2nd. And have boughten at least 4 at home rapids. Which contains 2 tests a box. 

3) I was taking unhealthy doses of vitamin C. I just threw the bottle away yesterday. I was having such bad abdominal cramps.

4) I literally had a full blown panic attack just going into target yesterday. I get my groceries either delivered or curbside, but my daughter is on WIC and I have to pickup her formula in store. My brain tells me I’m going to get it and it’ll kill my children…

5) On that note, Im terrified to be near my kids. 2Yr and 2Mo. I dont kiss them, barely hug them, and wont even play with my son much because Im scared I have it and itll take them from me. I barely touch my husband either. Again, afraid I’ll kill him too. 

6) I’m sniffing things all the time to make sure my smell is still there. Perfume, hand sanitizer, you name it. 

7) Im using saline spray at least 5x a day

8) I check my temp and the kids temps every morning. Mine I take maybe close to 10 times a day. 

9) I work in retail and masks are heavily enforced for everyone. Yet I bring clothes to change into, get home, change out of those clothes, throw it all in the washer and then get in the shower and scrub myself raw. Back to #1, I’ll wash my hands up to 3 times in the shower…. 

10) Im isolating myself from my mother, sister, and father and Im so damn lonely Im depressed. 

I know this is all extremely unhealthy. I sought help and did get medication. I have yet to take it though because Im terrified of new medication. But I just really needed to vent.