I just don't want to wake up. I'm at work and it's hard to stay standing and moving and breathing. I'm suffering so much from anxiety and depression. I've tried a couple crisis lines for help with feelings of suicide. But I just want to go home and write "I'm sorry." And peace out. I know everyone will be okay without me. Life just doesn't feel right anymore and I don't feel like I have a place in it. I feel like a different person right now. I don't want to do anything but I don't want to be alone. I can't get comfortable anywhere. It feels like I am dying bc of the intense physical pain my depression is causing. I just don't feel like i want to be alive but im scared. I want to scream for someone, anyone to help. I almost called my coworker today while we were doing different tasks out in the city just to talk because  I'm too embarrassed to talk to anyone I know well but I don't want to put it on anyone and i know its weird af to do that. I've tried crisis lines.   I'm trying to get into counseling through my job but it's not going well and I'm exhausted. I just wish I could stop feeling like this or that I would just not wake up tomorrow.