Idk even know what to really say or ask for. Maybe I'm venting idk. I just want to fix things with my gf but it can't just be fixed in an instant. I would like some advice possibly on what I'm supposed to do. I'm unemployed and waiting to hear back from some places I interviewed at. I temporarily moved back with my parents until I get a job.

My gf and I are on a break so we can sort through our own problems after I had to go to the ER for being suicidal again. I don't really understand why she won't see me because when she was suicidal and hospitalized, I was the one to take her home and stay by her side. Now, I just wanted that same treatment or respect but I'm not getting that. It has stressed me out being so distant and unable to see or talk to her because she doesn't want to communicate much even by text.

I don't understand it and she won't communicate. She never has been good at talking to me. We are pretty new but we understand each other because we both have similar issues and BPD. I know I need to leave her be and I try my hardest. Most days, I don't text her unless she texts first. It pains me so much because I have almost nothing to do to distract myself while being unemployed.

Comorbidities like MDD make me feel so lonely and wanting to be with her along with making me have nearly no energy to do the things I used to enjoy. I just want to skip ahead to when things will be better.