Every time my therapist helps me making 2 steps forward, I take 1 step back.

Whenever we make a serious breakthrough in helping me unpack an deeply recessed area of trauma—often involving having to face ugly coping mechanisms or truths I’ve subconsciously worked very hard to bury—I find it difficult to continue our sessions and ghost her for an unforeseeable amount of time until I’m ready to pick things back up again. I can’t break out of the pattern of ending bad habits and restarting them again when I step away from her…

She is always very kind, gentle, considerate, and reassuring of the fact that SHE she’s progress but I feel like I’m wasting her and I’s time.

I don’t even know if what I’m saying is making sense, or if anybody is understands what I’m trying to say. But I’m speaking out into this void hoping someone may feel me.