When I got to america I used bumble and random guys to take control of my life again.  Growing up was a mess.  Then, when I found my (now) ex it felt like I had finally made.  He was sweet and caring, he was "normal".  I was in love.  But he couldn't handle my anger.  I would cycle so fast and so hard I broke up with him multiple times and even tried kicking him out.  I was always so terrified that he didn't love me enough and was always worried about what would happen if he left.  He could never talk to me as nice as I wanted but of course how could he?  I was raging ALLLL the time.  I don't even know any more.  It feels so lonely with this disease.  I was diagnosed after he left me because of course I couldn't get my shit together while we were still seeing each other and... he was right the whole time.  There was something wrong with me.  I can't even any more.  I dont think I can be in relationships any more.