i am in so much pain, i honestly don’t know how long i’ll be able to hold on. i hate this disorder, and i hate the way it makes me feel; i can’t react like a normal person in any situation whatsoever and i am done.

im isolating now because no one gives a shit, nor do i have the energy to maintain my friendships. all i can do is waste away mentally while nobody around me notices, im too fucking good at masking for them to know.

all i want is for my fp to love me the way j love them, to be as sickly obsessed as i am. i just want someone by my side, so that i don’t end up alone. i am terrified of what i will do to myself.