Like a lot of people who claim to be BPD, you wouldn't really know it.  Until maybe a year in to a serious relationships. Except my BPD shows to almost all my closest friends, even on social media to aquantences. 

I am self-absorbed but in negativity. It's like I am a reverse narcissist. I tend to think people secretly hate me and I end up alienating my friends. I suffer from self-loathing and me losing relationships only strengthen that self-loathing.

I have bills and such so I can't afford therapy.