I've honestly been too drained lately so I'm not going to write as much as I'd like to, but I've been dealing with untreated mental health issues for years and I've reached another peak in my depression.

It's really destroying my relationship which in turn is making me and my partner feel even worse. I really want to just feel better so we can both get better but I don't know how to get better. I feel so alone and hopeless. We've already talked about this topic many times but it doesn't help because no matter what, I always go back to feeling horrible and self sabotaging myself. 

I have on and off moments of feeling stable and unstable throughout the day (but majority of the time i just feel unstable and tired of well, everything). I'm going to start regular counseling at my university next month but I'm not sure how long i will last. Every day is mentally and physically painful and I don't know what to do anymore. i feel like I can't go on