I'm a 28 M in the US. My whole life I've had lower energy levels than those around me from what I thought was the constant secondhand smoke I was around or just bad genetics. My parents waved off any health concerns I had as a child.

When I went to college at the age of 18 my parents convinced me to go to a school that I didn't want to go to because I knew I wouldn't succeed in a place that I didn't know anybody. I got put with the worst roommate I could imagine and after about 2 weeks I just locked myself in my dorm for the rest of the semester from the anxiety and stress and some other reasons. This gave me 10k in debt to start my adult life and I had to move back in my parents' tiny apartment where they charged me more rent than I pay now.

I obviously had to get a job, I already had chronic back pain not sure what from by this time and working all of these menial labor jobs was just making it worse. The anxiety from being around people only aggravated this issue.

I used the tiny bit of money I had extra each month to go to the gym, go to the doctors, try countless medications and therapy while being unable to accumulate money because of the aforementioned places that money went as well as car repairs, etc.

My issues only got worse from these different cocktails of meds and my cardio would not increase from doing cardio as well as rows and stretching pectorals not helping my chronic back pain whatsoever.

I tried yoga, chiropractor, healthy diet, all that good stuff but my issues persisted. I found out from the chiropractor x-rays that I have a c-curve in my thoracocervical spine as well as my skull being off center on my atlas or axis vertebrae. 

I realized that I wanted to try physical therapy as that was probably my best option at that point. My parents discouraged me from doing this despite them suffering from similar health issues. I've always had this issue where I sort of believe things that people tell me about myself and them saying my issues were all in my head made me sort of believe them and not try physical therapy while I still had access to their insurance.

I cut my family off because of all the pain they had caused me in unrelated circumstances as well as these and have been on my own ever since. They didn't have the money to help even if they wanted to but still, they never cared about my health or concerns and only cared about themselves.

I tried Adderall XR as I had been told by a medical professional that I had Inattentive ADHD. This helped me with a lot of my executive function issues but the overstimulation and other symptoms it caused made me burn out and the med completely stopped working. Ever since then I haven't been able to take care of myself at all and have been slowly degenerating.

I can't groom myself anymore, am terrified to leave my room and see people, back is in absurd pain at all times and stretching or walking do nothing. I can't plan anything and I just am frozen in place unable to move the majority of the time.

I just want to be able to focus on the future and having the money to survive and take care of my issues but I can't focus on anything but how awful the next day is going to be.

My primary issue now is that I lost my job a couple of weeks ago. My money supply is running out. I'm too anxious to apply for jobs or go to interviews. I try but the stress is too strong and so I go into a cycle of avoidance.

I have a couple hundred dollars to last me, no health insurance, no car, no id (I've been trying to get myself to replacefor 2 years straight.) I'm just unsure of what my options are at this point.

I already have a lot of debt I've been avoiding and don't want any more but I might not have a choice. I've been told to apply for medicare or disability. Disability doesn't seem able to live off of even if I could wait months on months to possibly be accepted. Even if I get on Medicare I can't afford the copays, medications, endless appointments, paying for transportation etc when I'm barely scraping by each month as it is.

There are a few things I want to experience before I die like being in a relationship and having sex and just not having to worry about how I'm going to pay my bills each month but it looks less and less likely each day and I don't really want to be alive anymore living like this. I've tried too hard for too long to just keep getting worse.

The diagnoses that I have are MDD, anxiety, and inattentive ADHD. I never received proper testing for much else because of financial concerns but believe that I may be on the Autism Spectrum or have Avoidant Personality Disorder as well or in place of some of these.

My depression stems from my life being awful so that's never going to get fixed until I fix my life. I just don't see a way to do that in my circumstances. I just want to be able to live and take care of myself but feel like I was just put at an insurmountable starting position. Please someone help me I don't know what to do anymore. I'm almost 30 years old and have been miserable my entire life.