I'm newly diagnosed, didn't even know what bpd was till then, I became very self aware of all my symptoms after that, I realised the amount of people I've pushed away cause of it, the things I've ruined, but the worst has to be the fluctuating moods, I'm literally fine one minute scrolling through my phone then suicidal the next for what seems like no reason sometimes, I notice some triggers but other times it's so out the blue, and this happens every hour of the day. I don't really wanna die, I just get the strong feeling sometimes. I wanna live my life like everyone I know I wanna be able to get up for a 9 to 5 I wanna socialise at the weekend I wanna wake up happy and not hate life from the minute I open my eyes, I hate this and I don't see how it's every gonna change I just want some stability in my life. I don't wanna live everyday with this uncertainty