Hi everyone!

For as long as I can remember I have always been an extreme perfectionist and a quite borderline. My days going to work/school would consist of me putting on a flawless facade, followed having mental breakdowns as soon as i get home. However, throughout the pandemic, I have only worked at home and I feel I have gotten used to not putting on an act all the time. Recently, I have just started a new job thats in person, and already I can tell that I struggle much more than I used to with keeping it together in public. I also feel like my perfectionist tendencies have disappeared and I just dont care about anything. To be honest, holding in my mood swings all the time used to be absolutely draining. I would literally feel ready to explode from stress and anxiety at all times, but atleast being a perfectionist kept me on top of my duties. Although I feel better internally when I let my emotions show, this is certainly causing me some issues in the work place. Im really not sure which scenario I prefer.

Has anyone else ever felt a shift like this in their bpd? If so was there a known cause?