I am in one right now. It’s going to sound small or stupid to have anxiety over but I recently changed my hair color, so so slightly. I feel like I’m ugly now and I ruined myself. I’ve been forcing myself to look internally after these episodes so that I can see where they come from, and man do I really put so much emphasis on looks. I really do. Looks aren’t everything, but they have been everything to me which is why a simple hair change feels like the end of my world. I feel like everyone is watching my every move and is going to think the slightest thing makes me ugly and now I’m not worthy anymore, because my looks are all I have. 

Im ending this unhealthy way of thinking today. I am blessed in so many ways. 

It’s so hard to get through these episodes, I haven’t eaten I can barely sleep. I feel nauseous. That pit in my stomach won’t leave. I will come out a better person after this realization. 

Please no judgement