I'm a 36 year old woman who is at my wits end with my 62 yr old boss/best-friend-of-13-years (who's been diagnosed with BPD) &amp; her illogical/abusive temper tantrums. Lately her rages have really gotten out of control.

Recently, she has started training me for her position (she wants to retire in 2 yrs &amp; prefers me to take over her job). However the promotional decisions are actually up to the head boss who doesn't know that my boss/friend has BPD &amp; who has repeatedly witnessed my boss/friend screaming at me when I have not actually done anything wrong. I've heard from a few friends/co-workers that the new head boss doesn't think I'm worthy of the position/promotion because of how incompetent my boss/friend makes me look. In reality, I'm the best person for that position b/c I know *most* of the ins/outs of it (no one else at the company knows how to do ANY of it) &amp; I've also been around long enough to know how things work around there. My boss/friend thinks that if she trains me for her job that my training will make up for what the head boss personally thinks of me, but I know that's not necessarily true.

This is a typical scenario: boss/friend comes storming over to my desk &amp; yells "I told you to do this project!!  Why isn't it done?!  I think you ignore me just because you don't like doing as you're told! Get it done NOW!!" &amp; she slams a stack of papers, that I've never seen before, on my desk.  Well, I'm left sitting there completely lost because I have NO idea what she's talking about.  She never asked me to do anything for a "project" &amp; I don't even know what "get it done" entails, b/c she hadn't started training me on that part of her job yet; we had talked about starting to train me on how to work up projects a month ago, but she hadn't actually gotten around to showing me yet.  So I try to gently approach her, to ask a quick question about it (hoping that I can figure the rest out on my own), &amp; she screams at me again saying "I TOLD YOU TO FIGURE IT OUT!!! I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANOTHER WORD COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!! YOU ARE REALLY PISSING ME OFF!!!".  I'm stunned &amp; completely shaken.  She's absolutely seething with anger.  Btw, waiting even longer for her to cool down doesn't work either because she still gets just as fired up later.  I'm so frustrated!  I genuinely have no idea how to do the project or even where to start!  I literally know as much about this project, &amp; what needs to be done to it, as you (the reader of this) knows, which is not a single darn thing.

THEN, to make matters worse, she's not even done being ridiculous.  She comes over to my desk about 10 mins later &amp; says "why do you do that?!?!".  I look at her in confused terror &amp; she proceeds, demanding that I "admit to her face" that she actually HAD told me to do the project &amp; that I was actually only trying to upset her by saying I didn't know how to do it.  I replied "I'm sorry, I know you're upset...but I promise that you really didn't tell me to this". I may be afraid of her temper right now but I'm not going to say that I bold-face lied/manipulated when I didn't.  I'm tired of always being bullied into telling her what she wants to hear just to calm her down &amp; I'm tired of her embarrassing me in front of the entire staff, particularly the guy who is in charge of promotions.

One time, when she was being sweet &amp; apologizing for one of her insane rages, I asked her why she treats me that way, since she doesn't treat anyone else at the office like that. Her response was "I feel like you're family to me, so I'm comfortable with you.  I can be real with you; you're strong enough to handle it.  Plus, that's how my family has always argued, so take it as a compliment. It means I love you; you're my best friend.  I don't know where I'd be without you."  That is not an acceptable excuse to me, but I'm absolutely terrified to tell her that because of how bad her temper is.  The truth is...her need to always be right, &amp; her accompanying need for me to also distort the truth for her mental benefit (by verbally telling her to her face, while everyone at work who's within hearing distance can hear me, that her delusions are reality &amp; that I'm a failure at my job) is not only ruining our close friendship, but it's also destroying my self-esteem &amp; career in the process.

Does anyone have advice on how I can handle situations like this in the future &amp; how I can get her to understand that she's ruining my chances of getting my well-deserved promotion when she retires?  I want to salvage this relationship &amp; my career before they are both permanently destroyed.  Side note: I've worked much too long/hard at this company to leave, right before she retires, just to start over from scratch somewhere else. Plus, I am friends with pretty much everyone at my company (except for the boss over promotions who doesn't really get along with anyone) so, other than this ongoing BPD situation, my job really is a dream job!  I have a unique/perfect work schedule, a large paycheck which I would not have if I did the same thing at a different company, &amp; amazing health benefits!