This is my first time posting on this Reddit app. I’m not sure if I’ll get a response but yeah. I lost my dad almost two months ago. I currently live and work in the US. My mom and sister live abroad. Anyway, long story short, my new job is at a call center for an utility company. 
I think I’ve put myself in a situation where I MUST please everyone. Customers can get nasty, demanding, just downright terrible and I must keep my happy voice and not respond. 
Call center reps out there will probably understand or anybody who’s worked in customer service before).
However, I’m shattered because even though I know death is part of life, this has been a terrible loss for my family. And being away from home makes things worse. I seriously don’t want it to be tomorrow, I dread the fact that every week day I must clock in every morning and end my shift every night. In a room. Locked in. For hours and days. (Due to covid). 
Don’t want to sound ungrateful either but, my mind goes on a race, my heart wants to explode, I cannot breathe. This is the first time in my life I’ve felt the need for me to be dead. I’m very concerned about my well being. I’m not sure if I should be on meds? It’s very embarrassing.

Anyway thanks...