Me and my husband were meant to be married in Nov 2020.

We scrapped those plans last spring and moved our wedding out to May 2021. Then we postponed those plans in January 2021 due to the slow vaccine rollout. 

We live out of state from our immediate family, we moved away right before the pandemic. 

Once vaccines were available, we thought that’d be the end of it. But obviously delta happened.

Husband’s father has MS, but we were still hopeful that at least his mother would be able to attend. Today, they told us they still don’t feel safe enough despite boosters and covid cases declining in the US. I am not taking it very well. 

I don’t know how I will be able to NOT hold resentment against them. 

I fear I will feel a modicum of sadness on my wedding because now not only have my MIL/FIL, but a lot of our best friends had also backed out for other non-Covid related reasons. Our guest count is currently at 43-45. 

I suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. When we planned this wedding 2 years ago when we got engaged, I was very positive about our wedding being successful.

But now, I feel shame. I feel shame. I feel awkwardness. People will see that we don’t have many friends. People will see that we don’t have much family. I didn’t think about how inconveniencing weddings are. People will also be driving 2 hours out for this (those local to us).

Just a lot of shame and guilt and thinking “damn it! We should have eloped! This was stupid.” How do I get thru this wedding? I was being very positive about it all but now I am just full of regret and sadness.

I have a great relationship with my husband. But I just feel terrible for putting on this show that no one is really excited about.