Sorry this is super long.... this covers 1 month of events... 

I’ll ask my question up front - is it weird we made it a year before shit went bad? And we’re pushing on 4 weeks with absolute bare minimum communication, I’ve already been working on moving on, but I also feel like I know he’s gona pop back up as soon as it’s inconvenient for me (I joke about the inconvenience... but also not joking) - any advice?

I recently dated this guy (I’m also a guy 🤷🏻‍♂️ for what it’s worth) for just just under a year... we had minimal conflict, nothing out of the ordinary, A few instances that made me wonder, but not huge amounts of conflict or anything way crazy, around 4th of July I was supposed to meet his parents, no one hes dated has ever met his parents, he ended up cancelling plans but was absolutely ridiculous about it, he had never acted like that before.... changed plans 5 times, then worked it out so I wasn’t meeting them but we still had plans, we talked and he said he wasn’t happy and didn’t know what he wanted.... I broke up with him then, because I know if I’m saying that... I’m trying to break up with you but I don’t have the balls to just come out and say it... my intention was to let him be free and if he wanted to come back to me, I’m all for it... I don’t want to hold him hostage, in an unhappy relationship... 

What I didn’t know at the time was... anything about abandonment issues... so then there was some sexting... still talking about sex, me trying to figure out what made him unhappy... him saying he will NEVER get back together with me... I wasn’t even hurt by this, more confused, we got along great, more sex with him than I’ve had in the last 10 years of my life, I’m vehemently against marriage and it had crossed my mind a few times... i just took it as he was hurt and taking it out on me, for breaking up with him... 

The back and forth push / pull escalated a little, he just wanted to be friends, I was like I don’t know if I can do that, he got angry and said goodnight on the phone and hung up.... ignored me for 5 days.... 

It took a week I think so see him after that, he refused to come get his shit out of my house so I was like I’m dropping it off at your house if this is how you’re going to act... i felt like he was leaving it here yet refusing to spend time with me, but since his shit was here, he had reason to talk to me - he agreed to meet me to take a walk... I asked him what was so awful that we couldn’t work things out, he said he just decided it wouldn’t work so he broke up with me... I was like let’s back this train up... who broke up with who? He looked uncomfortable.... confused.... I was like well? And he said I guess you broke up with me —- I didn’t really care who broke up with who..... just the distorted version of what happened caught me off guard more than anything... I wasn’t asking to put him in a corner or something, more to make sure we were experiencing the same reality... then he gave me 3 bullshit answers... I was like these aren’t even real things.... you do you, but like I can fix one of these in 20 minutes and the other 2 are just bogus

Next day I get a text that he feels stupid and that I’m right - I tell him he needs to finish processing (he was always slow to process) and decide what’s best for him, I’m here if he wants, or if he wants to be single, I still love him either way....

2 days later, he’s talking about a future together, making plans, this didn’t surprise me because I felt like he was just being pissy talking about never getting back together before... we say we will get together next weekend....

He had told me there were a few things at my house that gave him anxiety, I have a lot of home improvement projects going on.... he didn’t ask for anything unreasonable, but I spent all week tying up loose ends... I also spent about 300 bucks on some stuff for us for the weekend, we had our first kinda rough patch... I honestly had been focusing more on house work than him.... I put a lot of energy into making a weekend for us with 0 distractions....

Supposed to come over Saturday... Friday night he’s out at the bar - entirely too drunk, I suspect to make it the next day, but more importantly COVID.... I tell him don’t come out... then I’m like shit.... ima get the silent treatment... let me call him and try to smooth it over, thinking we can reschedule... I try to call, no answer, I text can I call you? He says for what purpose? - there was some more back and forth and I came entirely unhinged.... I mean I went absolutely fucking insane.... I just spent all this time and money for you and you can’t pick up the phone for 2 minutes for me? So I sent him a bunch of hateful text messages, was super mean, I haven’t been that angry at someone in YEARS... I admit I over reacted.... I use to date someone who was narcissistic who pulled stunts like this all the time, him acting like that caught me off guard and it just took me right back there...

After I went insane, we had 2 weeks of me being blocked, and silent treatment, I had a friend reach out, he said he wants to talk and be my friend but he’s angry, he tells her he’s not sure I understand we’re never getting back together - no one even brought it up or asked? Furthermore judging by his previous actions, that lasted like 4 days last time.... I didn’t put a lot of stock in it

a week later, still blocked, a few days later, I text him from my other phone, not blocked 🙄, so I’m like.... maybe if I sent him pervy pics, it’ll break the ice 🙄, it’s normal for us.... sent pics all day, nothing, then I’m like let’s try an experiment.... sent him a screen shot of my friend saying he’s just being an asshole at this point... immediate response - please do not talk to me, I tell him ok goodbye, he continues to say he’s hurt and angry and scared, I’m like ok goodbye, I can’t make you talk to me, continues going.... so nothing accomplished from this of course....

It was at this point my friend was like I think he has bpd... i was like no... he’s always calm... then I stumbled across articles about the quiet bpd people... and i realized he’s at least on the spectrum... some other stuff he does, that does not cause problems for us, makes sense now too... I wish I had known, I would have done all that much differently, cancelling on his parents makes sense, he felt like i was getting too close probably, then I truffle his abandonment issues 2x in a month 🤷🏻‍♂️, I doubt he knows, he is aware he has some kind of issue and has talked about getting help before... 

Text him some more, no response, eventually he responded a bit, we chat on the phone for a bit, oddly enough.... I genuinely feel like he’s struggling to even understand what happened.... even at three weeks.... he said sometimes he thinks he’s over it, sometimes he gets angry still.... and again.... says he’s not sure I’ve accepted were never getting back together... i didn’t even bring it up... In my head I’m thinking.... have you accepted that? Are you trying to convince yourself of that? 

My question is at the top of the post...