I guess I should start at the beginning? Even though the pandemic had already reached its peak, I was still thriving. I had gained a significant amount of muscle from my fitness journey, had just finished my associates degree, and was in a committed relationship. Even though there was nothing seriously wrong with my relationship, I had decided that I wasn't content because we weren't a good match, so I had planed to end it. I had attempted to do this twice before, but each time they pleaded with me to stay because they said "things would change," and I stayed out of pity but I couldn't do it anymore. Overall, the relationship was very brief; we were only together for six months. I occasionally felt anxious in the days before this breakup, but I wasn't sure what was causing it. I don't really know why, but it could have been because I was about to transfer to a university, or because lockdown was in progress and I was terrified, or because of the breakup. At this point, I had a lot of bloating, was constantly belching, and suffered from a couple of panic attacks. I had one while waiting in the Burger King drive-through line, one while working out, and one on the way to a nail appointment where the nail technician worked from home. On the day of the breakup, I had called my ex-boyfriend to say we needed to talk and invited him over. When he arrived, I told him that our relationship wasn't working. He told me the same sob story about how things could change, and after a few attempts, I gave in. Instantly, I felt trapped. After this, we went on an errand together, and as we were driving there, I experienced a panic attack. My heart fluttered, freaking me the f\*\*\* out. This was the tipping point for me. Despite my panic, we continued with the errand because we arrived at the location and I believed it would be wasteful to drive back home. It was after dinnertime and I hadn't eaten yet, so when I got home I asked him to leave right away and went straight to my parents' room. I was panicking and extremely hungry, but at this point my anxiety prevented me from eating. I ate a little after I had calmed down but refrained from eating more because I was afraid it would upset my stomach if I did. After that, I went to bed. I experienced more anxiety and panic attacks over the following few days. I would feel as though I was about to faint at times. My stomach felt awful b ecause everything made me bloat, I could hardly eat. I believe I broke up with my ex-boyfriend over the phone three weeks later. I couldn't even do it in person because I was so overwhelmed. With everything going on in the world and my own worries, I fell into a panic state that ate me alive. If I slept, I would wake up in a flight or fight response, but if I didn't, my panic attacks were much worse throughout the day. It was all so overwhelming. Everything that I once enjoyed—watching TV, taking showers, eating, chatting with friends, and applying makeup—became a job for me. I'm not even sure job is the right word. Every moment of every day felt like I was in a battle for my life. This continued for eight grueling months. Every time I checked into a hospital, they assured me that everything was fine and that I was just anxious. How can anxiety cause you to lose 90 pounds in 3 months from a starting weight of 120? I can tell you from personal experience that it can. In January 2021, I made the decision to stop leaving the house because doing so only made my anxiety worse. Even though I cried a lot, I never once gave up on myself because, if there is anything I have learned from this, it is that I want to live. For a while, I was terrified of my own body's instinctive reaction to keep me safe—fight or flight—which is your body's natural response to keep you alive. How ironic is that? I needed to take a semester off to collect myself. Even though I wasn't doing well, I had the time to conduct some independent research. I've read many self-help books and discovered DARE, a new way to end anxiety and stop panic attacks.  I've been using the coping mechanisms that book taught me for the past year and it's worked wonders. (Not a promotion just really love that book lol) I began seeing a therapist and made great strides. I believe it's crucial to point out that, out of personal choice, I have not used any anxiety medication during this experience. I'm still dealing with some stomach issues and going through exposure therapy so that I can leave my house as comfortably as I used to. I still have anxiety and panic attacks, but they are far less frequent, and I know they will fade with time. I hope no one ever goes through anything even close to what I did because I left out a lot of details, but if anyone can relate, just know that you're not alone and that the thoughts and feelings you're experiencing right now won't last forever. Sending lots of love to those in need.