craving attention but being repulsed when i receive it. i just wanna be recognized and praised but i hate it when i am. it feels i genuine or even if i feel that it isn’t, i don’t want to accept it. i really wanna be understood. i’m tired of people constantly abandoning me because each time it happens my abandonment issues are heightened even more. i’ve become so much more self aware and so much better at emotional regulation (at least in the sense that i understand why it’s happening and what is happening), but my trust abandonment issues have gotten way worse. i’m just SO, FUCKING, PISSED at everybody who’s abandoned me. i want them to suffer, but then i forgive them and even love them, but then i hate them.