 My grandmother is a narcissist. She’s extremely manipulative and has periods when she verbally abuses and harasses members of my family - mostly my mother. This used to mostly happen when she was drinking. She would leave voicemails literally sounding like satin himself, spewing the most hurtful and psychopathic insults. 

Eventually she quit drinking but the psychopathic spells have continued. Deep down, she is a really nice person. She just has some major mental health issues. 

It got so bad that a decade ago my aunt (her daughter) completely cut her out of her life. But my mother just kept trying to help, kept falling into her narcissistic patterns of hell. Her compassion has made it difficult to let her go.

Here’s the problem - my mom says that the pain of cutting her off is even worse than the pain of enduring her shit. She genuinely believes she can fix her and help her. When she tries to cut her off, she gets manipulated back into the relationship. I know it’s because she thinks it’s not my grandmothers fault she’s that way, which is ultimately true. But I tell her “there’s nothing you can do to help.” And she tells me again “the pain of cutting her off and doing nothing is worse than the pain of enduring her abuse and trying to help her.” I ask her how it’s gone the last 15 years and she says not well, but she can’t stop. She was raised by a narcissist and manipulated her whole life, and she has major issues from it. She can’t let go because the guilt she feels is so intense from doing so she would rather just not.

I need advice her people. Please I need to help put an end to this bullshit.