It's been 4 years now that I know a bpd person with whom I have a special bond. Unfortunately, a great distance separates us, we really only saw each other once. There are feelings of love between us. Several times this person has left, it's been a roller coaster ride and I've come back almost every time. In those 4 years, we didn't speak to each other for a year and a half and I thought it was silly that we didn't speak at all, even though it wasn't my fault. I had promised myself that I wouldn't come back and yet I came back, also knowing from her side that she hadn't forgotten me. That was a year ago, we spoke again, things were going well, this time she promised me that she wouldn't leave, she told me that it was better in her life, that she wasn't in the same perspective anymore, until the love feelings came back in our story and after a while, it didn't go on her side, because she needed me and the distance made it impossible for me to be there. Distance is a part of the problem. She put an end to the relationship, she didn't have the courage to tell me or to do it, I gave her an opportunity to tell me because it had been a while between us that it wasn't going well, she was distant, she made excuses and I told her she could tell me everything. That's when she decided to tell me. She told me at the same time that I was the most beautiful person she had ever met, that I had a place in her life that no one else could have, and that it would piss her off if we didn't talk anymore, that I didn't deserve her, after the time we saw each other this summer she told me that I confused her, that she had never felt that way before, that she panicked. She told me all that five months ago. And I told her that I wanted us to be able to keep talking and that she's the only person that made me want to be in a relationship, that I loved her. At the New Year she wished me a Happy New Year, as a last farewell message. And that was her last message... again. Even though she promised me that this time she wouldn't leave, when i came back a year ago. When she put an end to the kind of love relationship we had, (2 months before she sent me this last Happy New Year message), I told her I understood, I was very sad but not angry with her but very sad and very angry with this situation. I thought like she said, that we were going to continue to be able to keep in touch, because I wanted to and she wanted to, like she said. And because we're important to each other.. But like I said, she hasn't talked to me since New Year's. And now I'm feeling a lot of anger. I don't know what to think anymore. I'm angry at her. The time passing and the events at covid19 fuelling that anger. She doesn't care if I'm okay or not because she’s not there. I don't doubt that she had feelings for me, I don't doubt that I'm important to her, but I feel like I'm more a thing to her than a person. Something that happened. A ghost angel. But not a normal person. It's deeply hurtful. How can you say you care about someone and then just throw them out of your life like that? I've always understood that with the emotions she has, and the distance, she'd put me aside sometimes, but she's clearly putting me behind her. It’s like I'm a bad person or like, she doesn't care about me. I feel abandoned. I feel like she's trying to forget me. But she can’t !? And i can’t ! 
So, I don't think the fact that she has bpd can define her whole person, all her actions, but I need your opinion, a “bpd look“ at this situation. Do you recognize yourself in this story, in her behavior ? Until now I have always forgiven everything, I thought she was a good person and that she was going through difficult things. But I'm afraid maybe I was wrong about her. 
I don't know what to think anymore. I'm pretty sure I'm her fp. I don't understand how I can be her fp and have no place in her life in any real way. I have the impression that bpd, indirectly, make others experience what they feel. Because today I am the one who has strong emotions about her, I had and I am still able to have very strong beautiful feelings for her when she is here, but with the way she left, I only have strong bad emotions. She could have left by explaining to me that she couldn't live well with the fact that we were just talking to each other because of her love feelings. But she didn't. She left abruptly. Like I was a stranger. She left and she didn't have the courage to tell me that. I feel like she's trying to convince herself that I came into her life to make her evolve. I know bpd have strong emotions but with the choices they make, they don't help themselves to not go through that.