TW: Age regression, vices &amp; depression

I think I just went through an episode of age regression that has lasted a few weeks... 
See its a long story.  (Please bare with me)
I miss and admire that short lived moment in my adolescent life that was the only one without any trauma, literally. I had moved to Toronto, a new country and had a new life at 16. 
I fell in love and connected with one person who was literally like my soulmate when we were 17. We would laugh, and have an innocent lovely relationship, full of kisses and cuddles and reminiscing over our childhoods since we were both from 1994. Those moments, although short lived, left me with this void after I moved to another country at 18. I no longer had him, and I lost that one real connection. 
Throughout the years I've tried filling that void with different bodies, different souls... Different drugs and different vices. All to no avail. None could replace him. None could replace those moments in my bedroom. Those laughs and the longest hugs you could imagine. 
I tried seeking out a online friendship with him. When we were 19 he just blocked me, couldn't handle the distance, see he felt just like me.
When we were 22, I tried again. This time, I had a new boyfriend. It only lasted a few weeks before he deleted me off everything and that was the end of that.
I settled for what I had. My new bf. We got engaged and at 23 we got married. At the beginning of this year we got divorced, I was 26.
9 years have passed since those adolescent moments that I miss so dearly. I didn't expect what I'm about to write next.
Some hackers from Ukraine attempted to get into my old Instagram account so I did the whole change pw and checked the account to see if anything had been sent or whatever. That's where I saw the virtual love letter I sent him when I was 21. I typed a "Hello". He replied the next day. 
Since then, we've been in constant contact. Until last week, he reached that point he had before, that I'm out of reach in another continent this time and it's hard for him to deal with the emotions especially considering the distance. Understandable, this hurts me too. So he deleted me off everything. I had an insane panic attack, he was doing it again. After reminiscing over those moments, after exchanging I love yous. I cried and told him please no, not again...
He retracted, he added me on my socials again and we started talking again, as "friends". But with this type of connection, one cannot hold back such strong emotions. Throughout this whole ordeal, I realized I was age regressing. Listening to music I did back then, listening to anything and everything that reminded me of him. Looking at old pictures. And it's been over 9 and a half year, 10 years in February since we first kissed. I still feel immense feelings for him. I feel this strong connection that no one has ever surpassed.
However, I came to my senses and realized I was age regressing and that I was missing the moments where my life had no trauma. That was him and Toronto. I was idolising that which was for me, the happiest and most innocent moments of my life. 
This was damaging me. 
There were lots of "a future together, planning visits and having each other in our lives". He even said we were made for each other, soul mates per say.
I don't know, but this has me going through many episodes of AR and full on depression because I want so badly something that is from the past and completely not even in the foreseeable future, yet. 
I don't know what to do. Should I let it continue? Is he going to block me again cause he too can't handle these emotions? I'm scared I will never be with him but I also realized I am scared of never having that type of connection with anyone else, that one true love feeling, like I had with him. I don't know what to do. My therapists say, live in the now. Don't get attached to expectations that might turn out bad, it will only destroy me considering how intense I feel these emotions. 
Yes, this sounds like a plot to a Nicholas Sparks novel at it's core, two high school sweethearts loving each other for a decade and trying to find a way back to each other while living in different continents. 
But truly, this is my love story and it's killing me. 
Any advice will be very much welcome.
Thank you for your time.