ive made a post a few months ago about my horrible toilet and eating habits, but it got even worse. at first it was better but now every progress i made disappeared

warning : disgusting stuff, wouldnt recommend reading during family dinner

it got much worse again and im so scared ive permanently damaged my organs. i skip weeks of pooping again. my stomach hurts so badly. i have a lot more stress on me because of university starting again and this two things absolutely destroyed me.

I dont have anyone to talk about this and i feel so lonely in this situation. i have no idea how to get better again and i know that this fear is ruining my life. im so scared of just stop existing because I was scared to go poop.

its not even just some fear. i cant go in the bathroom on bad days. i cant take a bath due to the fear of having to use the toilet or brush my teeth. i can barely use the toilet for peeing.

I know this got so bad and makes no sense but I just have no idea where to start healing. if anyone has any idea or something i would very very much appreciate it