Background info:
Knew this boy from a year before (school) but never really talked to him. We were in the same Sports Med class and he had a crush on me, which I didn’t even notice. 
We hadn’t actually started talking until about a month ago and that’s when he told me that he had a crush on me. Since we started talking, we hung out in person, going to fun places to hangout and what not, for 5+ hours every single day for 11 days straight, which is crazy for me because, naturally, i’m an introvert and I would only usually hang out like 4 times a month max!!! 
Anyways I caught feelings very quickly but then…

I actually had to move to a different state across the country after those 11 days. That’s a different story for another time though.

ANYWAYS we decided the long distance was worth it and that we’d go through with it, especially since I’d be coming back in 18 months to go to college there (in my hometown area).

But here’s the main part I wanted to talk about:
I hadn’t even noticed that he’s my FP until recently. I over analyze every single thing he says or does and since we’re long distance and it’s over text it makes everything 10x worse for someone like me (BPD). One dry response and i’m instantly upset. He says one thing and it totally sets me off for no reason. When that happens I physically feel sick and it feels like theres a hole in my chest. 
I couldn’t imagine life without him. He has consumed me and honestly if I lose him then why even exist anymore? I would rather die. He is my everything but i’m scared i’m going to push him away. Seriously, if he leaves me I will be devastated beyond recognition. I absolutely hate being like this. I just want to be “normal”..