I feel like I can never get a break. I don’t know when was the last time I had a solid good month.  It’s so exhausting everyday waking up and doing everything possible to keep my anxiety in check. I wish I could wake up, do whatever I want, and feel okay. I wish I could sleep in. 

I just want I feel fucking stable. I see all my friends and people I know and I’m just like “how do you do it?” How do you just go through life so easily. I just turned 20 two days ago and I’m embarrassed by how I am. My anxiety makes me feel like an immature piece of shit. Why can’t I just be normal. Why was I cursed with this. 

I had two years without anxiety (17-18) and they were the best years of my life. I want to feel that way again. I want to feel okay with everything in life. I want to wake up and be able to live in the moment and not think about the fact that I’m anxious. 

I’m exhausted. I don’t want to deal with this forever. I just want to grow up and be okay.