To be honest I have been in a dark place for a while. Last year my mother who I had finally truly reconciled with died suddenly and it was clear that she had suffered during it. Then the very next month my child is diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. If that isn't enough my husband is arrested and while he is in jail, I suffer a miscarriage that has frankly left me traumatized. My anxiety is getting worse to the point I'm having panic attacks daily. When I was teen, I went through all sorts of meds, but none helped or made me anything more than a freaking zombie. Let me also not forget that my husband tried to kill himself the year before and when I followed what I thought was proper procedure I end up having to deal with dcf. now the day after Mother's Day I find explicit photos of another woman on my husband's Facebook. I do not want to die but damn if it isn't looking to be a nice escape. Everything keeps piling up and the only way I know to make it stop is with self-harm, but I haven't done that in years and the last thing I want is to ruin that. So yeah, that is where I am at right now.