I live in an old apartment building with a central staircase, and two apartments per floor on either side. The place where I watch TV and/or stare into space while my thoughts are thinking is right by the door going to the out, and I live on the 2nd of four floors. Everybody with me so far?

Good.

If anyone is coming down the stairs, and I hear them talking as they pass my door, I immediately assume they are talking about me, the crazy new guy in the building, and how much I’m weird and creepy and I suck.

Every. Single. Time.