But it's getting really hard.

I quit a really toxic job.

That was almost a year ago, now.

I tried to go back to school, but my brain can't keep up and I don't know if it's because I'm not interested or because I'm just too stupid to understand.

When I was younger, I wanted to explore the world and travel. Now I'm scared. There's too much disease, violence, and cruel people in this world. The money I saved up from my terrible job is going to run out eventually. I'm wasting away in my parents home and every time I think about getting another job my chest feels tight. I either push my feelings away and obsess over whatever dumbass show/book I'm interested in or I become some weird cleaning frenzy monster or I'm a paranoid anxious angry wreck.

My brother and sister are so much more successful than me and they've faced hardships too, so why can't I get my shit together?

Sometimes I don't want to get better. 

I feel like a complete failure.

I'm only 21.

I feel like I'm driving myself crazy with my own expectations, but I never thought I'd be where I am now. I feel so lost and I don't know what to do. I can't sleep or eat right and sometimes I don't care that I can't. I don't know if I'm just being sensitive or if thinking I'm sensitive is one of the things that shit job taught me to do. I feel like it ruined me. I could be having a fine day and then something reminds me of that place and I have to push it away again.

I don't know what to do anymore.