Im just gonna write down what Im thinking so this might not make any sense at all. 

You dont notice until they are gone but every experience and memory you have is attached to a feeling. Theres no way to describe the feeling except by explaining what experience goes with it. For example you get a specific feeling when its christmas time, or when you hear a special song, or when you wake up and unzip your tent when you are camping, there is a unique feeling attached to each one of these things. 

For me, these feeling are what make life worth it, nothing seems real when you have no emotional attachemnt to anything. Nothing is important and you dont have any more passion for things you used to love. 

I can remeber what the feeling feel like but I cant actuall feel them in my chest and my soul, and so I became obesssed with trying to feel or just thinking about the fact that I used to be able to feel an I cant anymore. 

You never actually understand why someone would want to kill themselves until you experience something like this, feeling things when I experience them are why Im attached to life, if nothing means anything to me emotionally then why would I want to be alive.

I just feel like an empty shell stuck in one place, without feeling I am not me, my personality and my sense of humor and everything that makes me me is made up of the attachment I have to experiences and the feelings that go along with them. 

I cant progress myself as a human without getting things emotionally from experiences. 

I have no clue if this makes any sense at all