I'm in a relationship for almost two months now, and I'm starting to feel weird. I feel like I'm bored, like I don't want to be there, even though I know that I want to be with that man. I get extreme anxiety over the thought of a breakup or "my feelings being fake/dead". Before this relationship, I've been with my first boyfriend for 11 months and throughout the whole relationship I felt the same feelings: what o have feels very wrong, completely off and it hurts me to death because that a feeling I haven't learnt how to deal with yet.

I've been diagnosed with BPD last year and I'm going to therapy. I've learned how to not overthink a couple things, but with love relationships it's like my brain is trying to make me feel disgusted and embarrassed by what I have with someone. I can't have fun. I've also always had a huge fear to have sex (which I felt like I was forced to do in my previous relationship and it hurt me a lot) and I struggle with expressing intimacy. I feel grossed out by my own feelings.

It's strange because unlike my previous relationship, I felt the spark with this man, he always left me with a great mood whenever we would go out and I was the first one to kiss him. I felt so nice and colourful. Now I can't feel nothing but guilt and sadness. 

I post this in case someone with similar experiences have some suggestions on how to cope with these feelings. I don't want to make the same mistakes that I did in my previous relationship. Thank you in advance