my fp makes me feel so empty and alone. he doesn’t realize it and he doesn’t care. i wish i were actually alone, but that may hurt more. i like the attention i guess, i don’t know. 

the other day i got hit with a wave of sadness. i didn’t think i’d live past 15, &amp; now i’m a freshman in college. i look back on who I was in high school... and i’m not the same. I’m sad, I’m dark, no one wants to be around me. I started bawling, and I just needed to have a long talk about the feelings inside where i feel understood and like everything is going to be okay. my fp gave me a hug. i started telling him i’m not the person i was. he didnt say anything at all. he left me crying on his couch, and he went to bed. he said he would come check on me, and never did. he was able to sleep peacefully, knowing i was contemplating what little reasons i have to live left while sitting on his couch. 

he makes me feel alone. i love him so much. i would never EVER leave him the way he left me...i feel unloved and discarded. he clearly can’t handle me...i should move on and find someone who does understand me? right? someone that loves me would not be able to sleep knowing i’m in tears...right...?