I'm trying to fight with my husband and make him hate me. 
I just want it to be easier to kill my self.
And it will be if he hates me. 
Then I won't have anything at all to live for. 
I'm useless 
I have no ambition to keep living
I don't want to be anything when I grow up because I don't want to grow up. I get panic attacks if I think about growing old. 
I want it all to just end. I want to go to bed and not wake up. 