You try to vent to your parents about things that they did that hurt you(in childhood, as a teenager, etc), or just thoughts, memories you wanted to share, in the moment, they understand or at least they look like they did. 

Well, I am stupid enough, so I did it a couple times to my mom, at the time, she even apologized, got emotional, I've felt better every time.

But then hours, days passed, the slightest stressful thing that happens to her, not doing something she wants you to do in the exact time she asks to, her just starts to think it's an attack and started to "mocking" anything  I passed though.

My mom went in a rant in 6 AM, telling how I just should "got out" of my depression in my room, how useless I was for not having a job, mocking me saying how I got abandoned by my friends and they have their life's in order, while I just finished high school last year and I wasn't planning going to college until I get a job so I could not go in debt, living in a mess, not having dreams, all that because I woke up and didn't clean a mess my cats made in the middle of the night.

Also, since I said to her that I am suspecting of being autistic, she started to almost every discussion calling me the \*r-word\*, and when I called her out for it, she blatantly lied saying she also calls my father like that which still doesn't justify anything. 

In any other disagreement I have with her, she feels somehow always attacked, escalating everything, trying to "assert dominance" all of the time, even when I try to help her or calm her in any other stressful situation that doesn't even involve me, she still calls me an enemy.

It's being like this every time, when I was younger, I blamed myself so much for not being able to help her with her trauma from her parents, at the time I was a teenager, I almost lost all my sanity trying to give her a solution that apparently doesn't exist. I was having so many intrusive thoughts at the time, existence was so painful, I was almost thinking in end it, and yet she appeared. 

When I asked her for help, I told her most of I was feeling that I couldn't hold anymore, she did it again: hug me, looked understanding my feelings at the time, hours later I heard she talking to my dad, mocking me for telling her my suicidal thoughts, like nothing happened and she was annoyed, then later saying to me that she felt a failure as a parent, but then continuing to do the same things.

I feel like I am stuck in my room, almost territorial, defensive, hopeless, like a failure of my past self, who thought that at this time in life, would be at least happier, with goals in mind. I've never felt like I had a goal, a wish to complete, an "real" ambition, I just got with the flow, trying to be the best in school, then now, I don't know what to do with myself, or my life, I don't feel like I know how to function properly as an adult, I tried to "create" a meaning to pursuit an average goal multiple times, but nothing sticks to me to motivate me anymore.

I just wanted to vent , I am so stupid to try having communication with my mother, she almost always end up humiliating me again and again and again, she literally says all her enemies should be under her feet, that she is somehow superior because of her communication with god, even with her traumas, she doesn't want help because "god it's her help", it's so insufferable, tiring, agonizing sometimes, to have to just hear her voice and all her daily rants. I should have realized, i am so stupid.