So a few months back, I ended up losing my job. It was a huge shock to me. Although I was overworked and the job was proving to be very stressful for me, it was a huge blow for me. Applying to jobs, getting rejected, it was a really hard few months. Plus unemployment did not pay very well, and I could barely pay for my car and bills. 

Fast forward a few months, and I get a new job. I was over the moon as it was a second chance I needed. However, since starting this new job, I've struggled a lot with anxiety of ending up back in unemployment. It was embarrassing for me as I did everything that the previous company wanted me to do, but I ended up still losing my job. 

For more context, I was still training on the job when I was let go. I also was given very little information on projects I was working on towards the end of my employment even when I asked for it. It cause me so much anxiety I would be ill every morning. By the end of it, I felt relieved when I didn't have to go back there. But yet I still feel scared and embarrassed of what happened.

I have since moved on to my current role at a much better company that values work-life balance, but the scars are still there. I get anxious for every meeting with my boss as I worry about criticism or any sort of thing I may have missed. I'm scared to ask for help from my boss as I want to show that I'm a good employee. When I make mistakes, I beat myself up over it. 

I also try not to procrastinate, but sadly when working in the work environment that I do, often you have to wait for people to get back to you, and it can be frustrating to reach out multiple times as I am really shy as a person. 

I am in therapy now working on the stress, but some days are better than others. I want my job to feel like a natural thing for me again and not feel like every day is a new challenge. I want to not wake up so early cause I can't sleep deeply enough to feel rested. I want the intrusive thoughts of I'm not good enough to be employed to end. I want to be assigned a project and just trust myself that I am capable of completing it.