this is just gonna be word vomit so i’m sorry, just need to vent i guess. also on mobile. 
i know i’m codependent on my gf and i hate it. i try to tell myself to stop and calm down and to stop relying on her for everything but i can’t. it’s like it’s a subconscious thing. 
the one thing that’s hard is she’s really outgoing and likes to hangout with ppl and i don’t really  like to because it’s so draining. i get so anxious when she is out or when we have ppl over continuously and i just want to hangout the two of us. when i’m by myself for too long my anxiety is insane and i just want her home. 
i feel so stupid and i don’t want to come off as controlling or anything so i just don’t say much to her because i know she would be upset and say i can’t tell her what to do or something. 
just ugh. i used to be so independent and be perfectly fine being alone.