31(M), recently got broken up from a 9 year relationship, she was the love of my life and my best friend, we left things about as good as possible in my eyes, and yet we 've barely talked since. I know it's normal not to talk frequently now, but the bitterness, resentment, negativity, its all growing, and the prospect of eventually never talking to her is so daunting it frightens me to my core, cause I don't know how I'll possibly overcome it.

I've moved back with my parents, they were always good to me but we were simply never close. I feel so lonely laying in bed waiting to fall asleep, and initial thoughts of not wanting to live anymore are creeping up. 
Don't have a whole lot of friends, they show me support the best they can but they all have their lives to worry about and I hate talking to them about me by initiative (I'm more the listener and helper type I guess)

Work is going okish (Videographer freelancer, so a lot of ups and downs), but I have a very, VERY complicated relation with work that would take way to long to describe here. I feel like I have some form of ADHD that has made me super lazy and videogame / media addicted, any project that I start gets left in the dust cause I lose the motivation for it, and I have no doubt this had a major part in the ending of my relationship.

As I moved away from my ex's house, I put my desktop computer in a small office of a friend to force me to commute from my parents house, and to prevent me from furiously playing video-games as a distraction. I feel it was the right choice and one I wouldn't have made before. I'm trying to change, but it feels impossible.