I’m scared by love. I’d like to be in a relationship to be honest but I couldn’t do anything to make it a relationship. I couldn’t cuddle, kiss or making compliments. Even the thoughts about it make me want to throw up. I’m not scared of anything else in particular. I’m ok with high places, car crashes, people who threaten to kick you in the balls, death, the list continues on and on. But just this one thing is something I can’t make myself up with. 

I didn’t have much of an unloving childhood. My parents always loved me even though they didn’t show it very often. I had two significant others (both didn’t last long enough to really form strong bonds)from who sadly passed away. I’m not afraid of love because of this happenings to make this clear. I don’t know the cause for this. Maybe it’s my low self esteem and the fact that I’m unable to look in the mirror without thinking „What a failure“. 

Additionally to that I never really experienced a feeling of love. I’d rather call it a slight interest. Surely you might say „Dude you’ve had two SO‘s, how can’t you know how love feels like?“. Well the problem is I see this more often that I looked at my SO‘s like every female around me. This leads to me either being super horny or just misinterpreting the feeling of love. Due to me being somewhat scared of love I guess it’s the first one. 

I’m not asexual, I just can’t bring myself to love someone anymore, although I‘d like to.