Not sure if it’s a me thing or common for others here? But I don’t have many friends or relationships outside of family at all. I’m capable if I try but usually can’t maintain them longterm easily.

When I haven’t seen someone for a while (like a few weeks) I start almost preparing myself for them not coming back, telling myself I don’t need anyone, convincing myself why I’ll be better without having these people or having any social interactions as part of my life. Starting to almost avoid them and resent(?) them in a way. 

The few friends I have I really care for so it’s strange when I can see my brain convincing myself why I should cut them off and why it’s valid.