Today was a good day, voices were down, I played a game and talked with friends about random stuff. Now I feel so anxious, paranoid and just on the edge of a mood or/and psychotic episode. I don't want to tell the doctors, they will keep me in the hospital and won't let me meet my date. I really want to meet him and spend time with him, he has a really calming effect on me. I think my doctors know this and want me to keep me here for experiments. They are giving me placebos and poisons stuff. I am convinced that they will tie me up if I tell them that I know, then they can give me all the poison so that i2 slowly die or they just keep me alive and see what happens. I am 100% sure one or the other will happen. I am so afraid. I hate this place. I need to run and never come back. Away from this poison and those people.