
This is a walk through of my last relationship, I just need one place to put everything in order. 


September- we started hanging out every weekend

October- was going good, chose him over my friends on Halloween. Okay explained to him some trauma (he promised he’d never rape me, remember this so you can laugh later)

November- still good. 

December- lost my virginity to him the night of a school dance. 

December 2019- weekend after that he fucked me again. I don’t know if I can say it was rape. I had sex with him the weekend before and enjoyed it. I said no/stop lots. I Apologized to him &amp; told him I’d get over it. spoiler: I didn’t get over it till now (it’s been about 1yr 11 months but who’s counting. )

January 2020- arguing.

February- I had consensual sex with him out of obligation (Valentine’s day). I thought about how much I fucking hated him the entire time. It didn’t feel good at all. Haven’t had sex since. Earlier that day I heard my bf say something so rude to his friend. Made me realize how much of a pos I got myself involved with. 

March- tried leaving him, said he would kill himself if I didn’t come back to him, constantly harassed me. Texting me 24/7 &amp; telling me he was my best shot at a good life. became really stressed out &amp; couldn’t do my school work, then the first quarantine happened (March 13th 2020)

April- got back with him. He “made” me write a list of all the guys I’ve ever sent nudes to, then made me block them all. (I know some people will say he didn’t make me do anything, but oh my god. You really don’t know what it’s like till you’ve been through it. There’s no other option then to just do what they tell you.)

May- arguing.

June- arguing.

July- I believe at this point he agreed to split up. he still wanted to be friends, I agreed because honestly I was afraid of him and didn’t want things to end bad. He insisted on being friends with benefits. I said no. he said i still belonged to him till I find someone else that wants me. “I’ll fuck you into submission”

August- zero contact with him ever since . 




I was 14. &amp; yea he was 14 too but God, all I want to know is what I did to deserve that. 

I cant watch true crime anymore, or certain shows I loved. the sexual abuse in them fucks me up so much now. it’s just such a huge trigger. when I do watch them I feel so guilty for being upset over the things my ex did. Everyone else has gone through something so much worse . 

Another thing I hate myself for is having sex with him. And continuing to do things with him after December. 


Honourable mentions, some of his quotes and ideas.

“Sorry i raped you I was just to horny aight” - a text that he sent that is just burned into my brain.

He told me about how he’d tie me up, slit my throat, &amp; rape my dead body if I cheated on him. 

Met up with him the day after someone I knew was found dead, he just wanted me to suck his dick.