Why do we do it to ourselves. 
Why do we enter into relationships knowing the devastation that awaits us. 

I've done some stupid shit in my life, but nothing, nothing feels dumber than trusting a man. 

He looked me in the eyes a few hours ago and said No. No I am not talking to anyone behind your back. 

And I believed him. 

He's been off running errands and despite him changing his fb password moments before leaving, not one fragment of me was tempted to pry. To check his accounts. 

I sat thinking about how cute it would be to secretly visit the doctor and find out our babies gender, and then creatively reveal it to him. 

Maybe buy a onsie matching the gender and wrap it? No. Too simple. I sat thinking about his excitement. And then upon searching gender reveal ideas, my phone died. 

So I grabbed my other phone. His facebook was logged into chrome. The phone once powered on, blew up with notifs, message alerts from a girl he claimed to have blocked. 

I read the messages, and within them he told her he plans on leaving me in a month after my refund comes in. 

Despite a day ago me telling him I was okay with breaking up. That i was tired of stressing over this and that. And instead of taking my offer that he claims to her, he wants, he coaxed me back into his arms. 

Men are a disgusting creature. I have my flaws. Im a mess at times. And they claim WE, the borderlines are the monsters. 

But never in a million years could I take someone, who is already broken, and plot out something, knowing it would break them more. Especially when a much less damaging path (just calling it quits when I said it was ok) was on the table. 

It feels sadistic. It feels cruel. I was looking forward to a single life of being happy and worry free, but once he acted like he wanted it to work, that went out the window. Because he was worth the risk. 

Or so I thought he was. It never fails though. Trust. Everytime I feel like I can finally give it, reality comes crashing down. 

So why. Why do we keep doing this? 