I’m so tired of everything. Everything that’s going on in the world right now, everything in my own life. No one cares about me. Not my friends, that don’t reach out to me even though I go out of my way to make sure they know I care. Not my parents, that make me believe that every ounce of myself I bring into their lives and home is a burden to them. Not anyone I know. People talk all the time about how you don’t need anyone else to make you happy, but those people have those in their lives that continuously show support to them, people that they can easily fall back on in times of need. I’m alone, I don’t have that. Not one person cares. I wish there were no stakes, that no one existed, that I could just be at peace, whether that be dead or in my life. Everyone always talks about how there’s hope and resources available, but it’s never true, it’s all a lie or scam. All people want to do is profit off of others’ ill-being, they don’t actually care. I feel like a pawn, people only reach out to me when they want or need me for something. Hell, I did the same once to someone else, and I still think about it and regret it. How are people so heartless, how ones everyone just put social norms over the lives of others as if it’s no big deal? People rant in this subreddit because they have no one left or had no one in the first place. Is it that hard to just let someone know that you care about them, if it’s the difference in saving a life or letting someone kill themself because they have no hope left?

I’m exhausted just from waking up every day knowing that I won’t have the motivation to do shit, and feeling physically exhausted from absolutely nothing. Every day I loathe seeing people and living a normal life, because I know it’ll make me feel 10x worse. No one knows how badly I’m struggling, and even if they did, they wouldn’t care. I grew up feeling like I couldn’t express my feelings, so I’ve held in all my secrets for years. And yet, I’m the class clown, I’m the lively person that no one would expect to be writing this. I have no trouble putting on an act, because I’ve been doing it for my whole life. But sometimes, it’s fucking painful.