tl;dr: anytime my partner leaves the bed, i wake up and feel worried and i spiral and can’t get back to sleep 🙃

i’ve always been a light sleeper, but in recent years (i think) it’s become worse. if my partner leaves the bed in the middle of the night (like to go to the bathroom), i wake up very suddenly, i feel like i hadn’t even really slept, and i’m just flooded with nerves. the paranoia hits immediately, and it usually jumps to two concerns: have they left to go talk to someone else, maybe in a different time zone? have they left to jack off instead of just having sex with me? (very stupid and insecure, i know). 

i split on them hard recently, and that’s the only reason i was able to sleep alone last night. i was in the bed while they slept on the couch, and i slept through the whole night!!! but tonight! i slept on the couch with them, and three hours later, they left for the bedroom. i can’t help but wonder why and regret not sleeping in the bed myself.  i can’t follow them to the bedroom either bc then they’d know how bad my separation anxiety is (i don’t think they even realize i have it and it’s bc of them). 

anyways. it’s well past 3am and i’m sure i’m not going to go back to sleep bc they haven’t come back. this seems to getting worse and more frequent with the lockdown. 

does anyone have tips to manage this?