I’m tired of being mentally ill and trying every fucking day of my life to be happy, but still just wanting to die literally every moment of every day. I despise a victim mentality and do everything in my power to radiate positivity and hope. I try so hard. Everyday. I go outside every day, ride my bike every day, take my meds, go to therapy, meditate literally fucking everything and nothing sticks. It’s exhausting day in day out the same fucking bullshit. I just wanna die. I’m tired of every day being a battle. Nothing about life seems worth it. Idk why im so fucking broken, angry, hateful and bitter. Why can’t I just be stupid and happy like everyone else? Why does mental peace elude me? I’m tired of being financially unstable. Tired of being a woman. Tired of being misunderstood. Any time I open my heart up to someone, I get fucked over. Abandoned. Used. Discarded. I’m angry at the people I thought loved me. Angry at myself for not being able to love myself enough to enforce healthy boundaries. Every single day I wish I wasn’t born. Every single day I wish I could trade places with someone who’s fighting a terminal illness because I just want to die but I’m too afraid to kill my self. And if I try to express these feelings to anyone, they’ll throw me back in the mental institution. I live with so much suppressed pain and agony. No end in sight. Idk how much longer I can keep fighting.