It makes you cheat on your boyfriend of seven years 27 times within a couple months. For no reason at all, really, except that one day you woke up and didn't love him anymore -- you felt nothing except irritability at every little thing they do. And while they were writing you cute notes and ordering takeout for you in case you're hungry and buying you flowers because they loved you, you felt nothing and you set up tinder dates all week because... you don't know why. You got shitfaced drunk and charmed and fucked and sucked. When your boyfriend wasn't in town, you had sex for 14 hours with someone else in the bed you shared. 

And then you let that seven-year boyfriend go and none of those seven years feels real because you destroy and then erase everything you touch. 

And even NOW you should feel guilt and remorse but you feel nothing except the realization that you *fucked up* the one great relationship your sorry ass will ever have and why the fuck did you do that. 

Who in the world would want to be with someone like you? Why are you here? What gives you the right to live and breathe and talk and continue on living while you're such a piece of irreparable shit? 

And then you can't even cry anymore and you hate yourself for that, too. 

For fuck's sake 