well just some issues with my FP. we broke up a couple of weeks back but it’s been hard transitioning to barely talking to them. tonight we had an argument yet again about my last mistakes. which i personally think i have owned up to but my FP keeps continuously bringing up. i have no courage or energy or anything to even commit suicide but my mind won’t stop flashing images of different ways to do it (i have no access to any of them and i am completely terrified of denying) but i am so desperate to just stop feeling for just a night please god literally everything has run through my mind from running to a different state to wanting to seek xanax i just want to stop feeling, i want to forget i just want to sleep the days away until i no longer feel so intensely my for them. they’re so valid for still being hurt about my incredibly stupid mistakes but there’s no other way for them to ever trust or comprehend me and that’s all the consequences i deserve i just want to rip my heart out so it could stop having any emotions, the best thing i could come up with was to drink so numb it away since i had been crying for hours now idk man i am so exhausted i even tried cutting but i am too lush to even do that lmao i am inconsolable