Obligatory- I had posted this on r/therapy, but I also wanted to discuss the ADHD side of this as well. All the things discussed below have mixed with a pretty heavy dose of anxiety. I feel it every single day, in every single way. I worry that I’m going to turn the corner with my boss and she’s gonna be standing there with a pink slip. Or that she’s going to message me out of the blue like she does and tell me to stop doing whatever it is I can’t help that day.

But here goes-

I feel more empty than usual and it’s hard to relate more and more.

It’s just been getting harder and harder to keep the brave face up.

I’ve always prided myself on the reputation I’ve gained for being friendly and kind. I love talking to people, learning new things, and making people laugh. But ever since a string of incidents at work, I feel far more dejected for just my usual traits that I normally do.

I work in an office environment, and more often than not, the people are jovial and nice. We deal with some pretty heavy subject matter, so it’s really helpful to have some levity.

Well lately, according to my boss, Ive been getting complaints lately. And for many different things.

First ones that started coming in were that I “insert [myself] into too many conversations.”

Yeah, I could probably cop to that. But they’re only conversations that people seemingly either want to have in front of my cubicle, or are general work things that we all should know to keep on the same page.

Then when I started to mind that, I got complaints that I was standing at my cubicle “trying to eavesdrop”.

No, I have a standing desk and am developing sciatica at age 25. I’m standing so I don’t wreck my body. But I guess whoever felt that strongly thought I was “targeting” them.

Then the kicker- Fine, I won’t stand, I won’t talk to anyone. I will sit at my desk with my earbuds and listen to some podcasts while I work.

Well apparently there’s something bad with that too, because supposedly as I was chuckling at a joke in the podcast, the new person behind me was on a personal call, and evidently thought I was laughing at her conversation.

I only learned about this the day after, when my boss (whom I had a great relationship with before all this started) called me in to talk about the complainants.

According to her, they were almost coming in daily. Sometimes twice a day.

I decided at that time to formally ask to work from home, which she granted.

Why would I want to go into an office everyday right now where I feel I’m being scrutinized for every part of my personality?

Yeah, I can be a bit loud at times, but nothing I ever do is out of malice or to offend someone. I just enjoy relating to my coworkers.

It’s just hard now because it’s making me rethink every bit of my personality. I thought I was alright, but now I’m self-conscious and anxious to do anything or even talk to the coworkers outside of the 3 that I know are cool.

Ugh, this funk sucks…