hi everyone

i need some advice, because i am so lost. 
ever since March of this year, life has been hell. 

My grandpa died in March and i found out my boyfriend cheated on and off our entire 2 year relationship. i haven't been able to hold down a job since ??? honestly i don't think ive had a job but maybe a week this year? but everything keeps crashing on me and i feel like i can't breathe most days, i have been crying all the time. I was recently put on Ambien for sleep because ive been having terrible nightmares about awful things and didn't sleep for a couple days at a time. 

i just started seeing a therapist who told me she can see im unstable and is currently working on getting me on some medicine. 
i feel so helpless, and i feel scared? im scared im going to "un alive" myself. i feel such sorrow and i feel myself being unstable and scared and I have no idea what to do 

for the past month I've wanted to go to a mental ward because i cannot handle anything and i am trying but im not doing well but i have no idea what to do i wish i had something to stabilize me but even writing this im sobbing and honestly having a hard time being coherent. i don't know if anyone can read and even understand this. if it makes sense to anyone can someone give me advice on how to live? on how to not break apart everyday? i want relief but can't find it. I've tried writing, I've tried art, I've tried video games, and they work for maybe an hour before im thinking terrible things and or sad things and start crying again I feel like my chest will explode. i tried to go walk outside with my dog but ended up having to rush back inside because i started crying in the fucking middle of the day. 

what do i do? 
i am so tired of feeling bad and i want it to stop my days have been so high and low i feel like im on a roller coaster i cant get off of im so unsure of everything in my life how does everyone else do it?