M-23. I know I've been sad and had thoughts of ending my life since I was 10. I've coped with keeping busy and drugs since but have been told to stay sober and it would soon go away. So I've been sober for almost a month now. I workout, socialize, put happy songs on, draw and help anyone I can when I can but I can't shake this weight on my chest. I've opened up about my depression and thought to my family and my mom says I have no reason to be depressed since I'm healthy.( My brother and I walked in on her ODing when I was 12) so I don't understand why she doesn't understand. I go with what she says and tell myself daily I'm happy im here and I'll get through this. It doesn't seem to matter who I tell because it's always "I'm happy you told me" followed by nothing nothing or people staying away. I get its not fun to talk about depression but the people I thought I could talk to seem to want to ignore me. Sorry for the rant I just wanted to tell someone how I felt and not be looked like a problem.  I've made a list of things I need to do before I can "do it" last week and I've felt happier? I know it's not good but I can't help this thought of getting a gun and putting one in my heart....Im just tired of this feeling.