I’ve been going through a lot emotionally, mentally, and environmentally. Life is a fucking chaotic mess right.
A guy I’ve known for 8 years that I totally ghosted on years ago because I was afraid he was too good to be true/ I didn’t deserve him, still wanted to be there for me after all the pain I put him through. We live across the country from one another, but I am moving there within the next month or so.

He calls me every day and speaks to me sometimes 10 hours a day. Now it’s more 6-8, and on a slow day about 3-5. 
Every time I start getting super paranoid in a manic state, he patiently explains each and every fret until I am satisfied. Every time I’m depressed, he lets me know that I am not alone and he will help me in any way he can. He will explain how possible it is, and how understandable it is for me to be in the shit situation I am and how it doesn’t make me a shit person. 

So you can only imagine how often I have to resist hitting off the TNT road-runner style (hint: it’s a lot).

Anyway, this guy is super formal and a gentleman. He does not move forward without enthusiastic and clear confirmation, so I expected should we ever start dating, it would be very obvious.

Today I had said something that upset him and couldn’t understand. I mentioned something to the effect that he is acting as if we were in a relationship. His pained reaction made me pause and realize something critical had been missed.

After talking for a while, it turns out about 3 weeks ago he and I were talking and becoming a lot warmer towards one another. He had made clear perimeters as to what would be necessary for a relationship, and we checked them all off. He was telling me a lot of sweet, loving things and talking of the future. He then told me how he dislikes the word girlfriend, because it reminds him of high school. Then he asked me if I would be his companion.

My dumbass thought he meant if I preferred “companion” over “girlfriend” and said yes.

I had a real good laugh when I realized that I was expecting him to ask me formally, and when asked formally... I didn’t realize it because of it being formal.

Cue in freaking out realizing that I’m actually in a relationship with a healthy human being who actually both emotionally supports me to no end, but fully accepts me as I am and motivates me to be my best self.

Wish me luck 👌 
At least I know I was able to make it a month without even knowing it!

TL;DR: reconnects with great guy who is gentleman. I am so unused to healthy relationships that it took me 3 weeks to realize he had already asked me out and I said yes thinking he meant something entirely different because I feel  undeserving.