Why am I living, why have I not ended it? Why do I have the slightest hope? 
I don't want to talk to anyone, I'm pissed, I'm so fucking upset and I keep seeing blood on my hands when there's nothing on them. The urge do dig a knife right into my thigh is just growing. This is painful, so painful. Why do these episodes lasts for days?? I rather it be hours again. I'm so unhappy I just want to shred my skin and see color because for the past few days it's only been gray. 
It'll be a miracle if I don't end up hurting myself. 