I just wish life was normal for me. At the beginning of February, I started having a ton of anxiety related to different things going on in my life, such as school, relationships, and other things. This week, I’ve never felt so alone and helpless. I’m around people I know, but I don’t go to them for help because they don’t understand how life is with anxiety. 

On Monday night and Wednesday night, I had two anxiety episodes that lasted around 20-25 minutes. To be honest, I don’t know if these were anxiety attacks, because I don’t know what one feels like. My stomach hurt so bad that I just wanted to bawl. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to cry or vomit. My breathing was so shaky. It hurt me so bad. I felt so overwhelmed. I felt like I wanted to die. Not literally, but you get the point. I’ve told people about it, and they’ve encouraged me a little. That has helped, but I just want someone to be alongside me consistently. No ever texts me asking how I’m doing. No one ever invests in me. Loneliness doesn’t help my anxiety. I feel lost sometimes. I just want someone to let me cry in their arms until I feel better. I want to feel the warmth of someone, y’know? 

All this being said, I don’t want to be bitter. I feel confused, sad, and frustrated, because some days I feel like I’ve gotten nowhere. All this has made my mind chaotic. It’s been very hard to manage. I just want someone to hold me until these feelings inside me subside.