Its been a down ward spiral for months now. I jut want it to end. The thoughts in the back of my head have started to win. I watched my entire life fall apart in front of me in one day. The self harm the pain the struggle trying to figure out what to do with myself. I'm a 17 year old high school student who's effectively a failure. My parents told me a was a mistake. My friends all up and left when I just needed someone to talk to. I was a effectively a shoulder to cry one for years for everyone. Yet when I needed they just left me. They acted like I didn't matter to them anymore. I've thought about treatment for it but it seems like a waste of time to me. I've never had plans to make it to 26 but at this point 19 is a stretch. I've tried reaching out but I got blown by everyone I thought was close. My high school career is so behond messed up due to a depressive episode that happened a few years back. I wouldn't even complain at this point if I was just taken out. I haven't cleaned my room in a while. I've barely been eating. I just don't want to move at all for anything. It's killing me the feeling that its all a joke to everyone