 

My partner/FP triggered my abandonment issues so severely it’s taken me 10 days of laying in bed doing nothing to cope. Tomorrow will be day 11 and I feel like I can finally breathe. Going to have to find my deep conditioner because my hair is so freaking knotted and eat a vegetable or two. It’s always scary going through this phase feeling like I’m never going to be okay again. And then I am. 

For a little backstory I’m pregnant and extremely vulnerable. I agreed to let me partner go to burning man without me with people who hate me/I hate because they found a free ticket for him last minute. I wanted to be healthy and not hold him back because because I couldn’t stand the thought of him going without me, with this group of people, and me being stuck at home alone. 

I then find out he was leaving a week early to prepare (sew lights on his clothes and shit) and the drive was going to take three days. Even though it’s  only 12 hours away but whatever. Okay. He’s going to be gone 2 1/2 weeks instead of a week I can do this.

 Unfortunately the day before he left I got covid and he ignored me all day long which made me feel abandoned/unimportant/alone. (He got covid three weeks prior so is immune) I asked him what time he was leaving in the morning the next day and he admitted he wanted to leave immediately on Saturday instead of Sunday but I made the decision for him to stay an additional day. Which was not the case at all. When he dropped the bomb on me two days prior about leaving for two and a half  weeks it was my understanding he didn’t have to leave until Sunday evening at the latest 

This resulted in me feeling even more abandoned and pushing him away resulting in a giant fight. I haven’t heard from him since and have no idea what the state of things are going to be when he gets back in another 8 or 9 days and at this point I don’t care. 

I’m so tired of having a favorite person who doesn’t care about me or my triggers and doesn’t try to understand me at all. He left Saturday night with me calling and begging him tearful to come back so we he could leave on a good note. His response was “he needs to punish me for pushing him away and not reward my bad behavior.” Fuck. This. Feeling. 