I don’t really know how to explain this. Or really why. I’ve had this struggle with myself for a while and it only gets harder and harder. Ever since I broke up with my ex almost 2 years ago I’ve slowly declined into this hate for affection. I have small moments where I feel like I want a connection but right when I get a connection it falls apart faster than it comes together. I understand in waiting for the right person probably more and more after a lose a connection. But it seems like every time someone worthwhile comes around I convince myself they’re better off not talking to me. I have habits I need to ditch and some growing up to do I’ll admit. I just desire connection but every opportunity I find myself excusing myself from it. And the excuse usually ends in I’m not worth their time and they’re better off without me. I’m not sure. I guess I just need clarity that there are some people not meant for that sort of thing in life so I don’t feel insecure when I see cute shit around me. Or the need to push someone away when they’re trying to be genuine with me