 

I have depression and anxiety.... and these days have been harder, i already tried to do things that ussualy make me feel better, like listening to my favorite songs, drawing, getting a new piercing, playing my ukulele....but nothing changed. I still felling numb and sad, just wanting to desapear. and Im scared that this felling wont go away... I had been missing classes at college for 3 weeks, yesterday i went to class.. but today i could not, its weird i just got a felling that i cant go, i get scared, heavy breating and its been like this....( although i love my college and the friends i made there)

I feel guilty and angry with myself because im felling bad... I cant even make house chores, I just cant. and i know this dissapoints my mom.... my room is also a big mess. but i try to do a little cleaning some days... even taking a shower is hard... i dont know what to do... i thnk Im gonna start to study astronomy by myself again, i did it years ago and i felt better like i had a place in this world... I was also very excited to buy a guitar, but i fear that ill get worse and never play it...

And i cant stop thinking about self harm..(i ussualy do it to feel better, but all my scars are healed now).... but i want to do it again so bad.

I dont want to feel like this forever, and yes I think about killing myself but is not what i really want..i just want the pain to go away just want to feel good.

I want to a psychologist last month, but i did not think it helped....i just talked about things and went home. tomorrow i have an appointment with a psychiatrist...im scared but ill go.

(sorry the english)