The odds are really stacked against me I feel, I'm right at that age in young adults when schizophrenia usually develops, every female on my mom's side has been schizophrenic (or my family assumes because my great grandma acted the same way as my grandma who acted like my mom who actually was medically diagnosed); and I keep getting ideas in my head that I don't consider mine, I keep seeing things out of the corner of my eyes even when wide awake, delusions keep coming up to my mind and I can't force my mind to something else, and on and on it seems..

I'm not looking for a diagnosis or anything, I just want to vent about this, then probably deleted the post later because I'll be afraid someone will use this against me.. This anxiety that I may be schizophrenia isn't interfering with my life yet, but it feels like it's creeping there slowly. 

My biggest fear is that one day I'll just snap and hurt someone unintentionally, but they'll still lock me away for good; or that the label will keep me from doing the things I wanna do like being a pilot. New aviation stuff says that you can't even have ADHD to pass being a pilot, so I feel like schizophrenia is just a big "NO" for them. 

Anyways, thanks if you read. Again, I'll probably end up deleting it cause of my fears..