My whole life I’ve felt depressed. I’ve gone through awful things &amp; never really dealt with them. My cousin got her psychology degree about 10 years ago. Since then she has become a great therapist. In December I totaled my car in an accident &amp; she was there for me through it all. I think I’m spending more time with me she was about to see right through my happy facade. She suggested counseling to me. 

Together we got me signed up for health insurance &amp; she referred me to a very good therapist in town. My first session with her is in 3 hours &amp; im nervous as can be. We’ll be having virtual video call sessions which isn’t helping me feel anymore at ease. I have anxiety about being on camera. I feel like if I were to see her in person I can’t hide anything which in a weird way would make me more comfortable. 

I haven’t slept in 2 days. I’ve barely been eating. I’m so nervous. But I know that it’s now or never. I need to do go through with this be receptive to the process. I have so many fears going in but I’m trying my best to relax. It’s definitely scary but I’m proud of myself for taking the steps I need to make myself better. 3 more hours. I can do this.