You don't have to read all of this, it's a little long so read whatever you'd like and thank you in advance for reading it at all.

Our relationship is great most of the time but every time I make a comment or complain about something so mildly and never in a mean way, she gets defensive and starts claiming I'm ruining her life. She'll point to my reaction to her defensiveness and negativity. I'm definitely walking on eggshells but I usually didn't find it too difficult because I have a really laid back personality but today was yet again one of those really difficult times.

She hasn't been speaking to me much so I decided after two weeks of her barely speaking me, I asked her why. She immediately got defensive saying I shouldn't ask her that when she has mental health struggles, that I should know, that I'm being unreasonable, etc. Note we used to FaceTime every day now we don't FaceTime at all and her texts went from multiple times a day to only a scattered few throughout the day, sometimes I only get two, good morning and good night almost like it's a chore for her to text me. It all feels so weird and it wasn't like this before so it made me question things. I was really down to earth about it and even agreed with her and said I was understanding but yet she kept writing me how could you ask me that, you know I don't like talking to anyone, I'm depressed, I still send you a few, what do you expect of me and it very quickly escalated to you're ruining my life, you're being unreasonable, you want so much from me, texting a few times a day is hard enough, I never should have met you, I can't handle a relationship, I'm going to leave you, etc. 

I wasn't even writing back, she just kept writing me while I waited until she was finished.

If I ask her if we can talk more, I'm ruining her life, if I disagree about almost anything, I'm ruining her life. Even once when we discussed names of future children and I said I was sorry didn't like her choice for a girl's name, I was told off.

She is getting help soon, at least she says but in the moment all her reactions she says are justified because I'm ruining her life, it's not the bpd. So she said again she's done with me, I'm a terrible person and I just sat there completely hurt. I didn't even write back and accepted it all until the last minute when it all got too much and I said are you evil? I only said that because I couldn't hold in how much pain I was feeling from her. But it was the only thing I said after she spammed me with hurtful messages. Then she pointed at that question and told me perfect example of how you're ruining my life.

After more time, she said she couldn't be with me, something she has told me dozens of times now in fits of random rage and that she can't handle a relationship. I told her how much I love her and she said she loved me back, told me she would never recover from losing me and I said the same. I wished her to find someone else and she said she'd rather die than be without me because I'm the only one she ever loved and that I'm in her words "literally perfect" so I'm trying to make sense of this...


I don't know what to do. When she's not upset, it's all incredible between us but if I hit a nerve without realizing, I'm the worst boyfriend alive. I try so hard to not hurt her.