school counsellor helps but makes me feel like an idiot for having problems in the first place. i forgot what he said once but the reason i changed my mindset is because he made me feel stupid &amp; embarrassed for thinking the other way 💀 it wasn't intentional on his part but i feel like absolute shit rn and don't want to talk to him tmrw cuz it's just embarrassing. logically i already know the mindset i should be in and what i should be doing but i'm just not doing it and continuing to feel like shit instead.

low key am really annoyed about that last bit too, i want to kill myself, i feel like a detriment, but that section of my brain is like "none of that's true dude" like damn. why do i have to be depressed but have a bit of brain tell me i shouldn't be depressed. can't i just choose to be not depressed. if i know i can be fine why aren't i fine. 

i'll lay in my bed in self pity for 3 hours while also simultaneously telling myself to stop being stupid and get out of bed and do something but i don't. why???