One of my siblings is getting married very soon. I'm off medication because of insurance issues, and now have to wait likely a few months to get help. I'm manic, going to bed at 10 AM and sleeping until 3 PM at the latest. I'm extremely irritable, and I can only imagine extremely delusional currently.

I do believe I can mask well enough for a wedding, but the location makes it 100% impossible to leave immediately after. I'd be stuck there for the night while in the middle of an episode.

I have been completely awful to my family, but I have genuinely gotten better. I just don't know if they'll believe me when I say it would be better if I didn't go, even though I really badly do want to attend. I don't know where their breaking point is, which is why I don't want to skip this wedding. I'm worried they'll just forever define me as an awful person if I do skip.

I hate this disorder, I hate the state of the mental health care system, and I hate wanting to get help and simply being refused it. I could really use some comments, advice, really just anything.