Also posted in r/bipolar apologies if not allowed- but I am diagnosed with both- 

So- I’m diagnosed bipolar with psychotic tendencies and borderline. 
A lot of times I’ll have an episode that I can’t control but I can kind of think back on and remember some of the embarrassing shameful things I’ve said or done. 
But sometimes it’s much worse... for example
I was opening up to my partner about some very dark childhood trauma I went through- I thought I would be ok telling him- but I was wrong. It was such a massive trigger that my brain completely shut down... I guess I was acting out- acting crazy- upsetting him- and I don’t remember any of it. NONE OF IT. I disappeared for awhile- I guess texting my brother who suffers all the same mental issues- I don’t remember texting him either- i reread my text the next morning and wow- I was on one.... 
does this happen to anyone else? How do you deal? How do your partners help you?
I’m so in love with this person- but I know he won’t be able to handle these episodes I have forever- I’m so afraid I’m going to scare him away- cause why the hell would anyone stick around when I completely lose control of myself and have big black gaps in my memory....it’s upsetting for me- but I know it has to be so much worse for someone watching from the sidelines....he’s been very sweet and supportive- but it’s not his responsibility to calm my ass down. I just feel so so very shitty. I just want a normal brain... 