Logically seems like a terrible combination,  especially if one of your partners is your FP, right? 

I wonder if anyone else here feels the way I do about it: that it’s actually *helpful* and *a great combination* when you have a certain temperament. 

Yes, the clinginess and crippling fear of abandonment that comes with being borderline - especially if you’re the discouraged subtype, like myself - make coping with jealousy an absolute bitch sometimes. It can trigger the shit out of those feelings and tendencies. 

*But by and by, I do learn to cope with it better everyday* 

Before I met he first of my better two thirds (tee hee) I was kind of at a point of swearing off serious relationships for the most part. I’ve kind of grew up witnessing what clinging to bad relationship(s) could do to a person, and was terrified of repeating those mistakes. I know I have a lot of that gross over - attached, hypersensitive, crazy my mom does and I hated it more than pretty much anything about myself. I didn’t think I was suited to even be in relationship. 

But then I fell for a poly guy and holy shit ... I mean yeah there have been some rough times but I can’t say I regret them. In the beginning, when jealousy attacks were at their worst, it was like staring down a demon inside me. I had to face some things about myself that weren’t so pretty ( a lot of BPD related things, I see that since I’ve been diagnosed) in order to conquer that.  

It’s like being in therapy for a phobia, where they expose you to more and more of something that you’re afraid of as you can handle it. Every time he’d be with another partner and still come back to me, and I’d survive that time in between, it was like winning a battle against that demon. I could know someone loves me when they’re not doting on me. The communication issues and angry outbursts? No room for them in poly, I *have* to take accountability for my behavior, otherwise it can easily toxify the whole polycule (network consisting of my partners and their partners) and who wants to have that in their conscience? The  relationship skills I’ve learned through being in a poly would be great for any relationship, it’s just the importance of that emotional processing and the sheer volume of it you do is greater in poly. 

There was also getting to resolve some feelings about not wanting to choose between men and women (I like both, I really do), but that’s another story 😉

Anyway, I feel like this arrangement may seem counterintuitive, but it’s really worked for me. Any other poly borderlines out there that feel like your relationship orientation has actually helped you have healthier relationships? 

